Ep 234: Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Summary

Summary of Podcast Episode: "We Might Be Drunk" – Ep 234: Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Released on June 2, 2025, produced by Gotham Production Studios, LLC

In episode 234 of "We Might Be Drunk," comedians Sam Morril and Mark Normand deliver their characteristic blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful observations. This detailed summary captures the essence of their discussions, key points, notable quotes, and memorable anecdotes from the episode.

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1. Opening Banter and Social Commentary [00:06 – 01:00]

The episode begins with Sam and Mark discussing the pervasive influence of Harvey Weinstein in Hollywood and its impact on their conversations about the entertainment industry and personal encounters.

Mark Normand [00:09]: "Missed it. Lot to talk about. We don't want some fucking queef from Hollywood button in on our convo."

Sam Morril [00:33]: "Isn't that weird? They probably hide that story. Like, she won't go public with that."

2. The Rising Cost of Diner Food and Eggs [01:00 – 04:19]

Sam and Mark delve into the escalating prices of everyday diner staples, particularly eggs, humorously lamenting the absurdity of their costs.

Mark Normand [01:49]: "I went to a diner in the Village. It was like a dollar thirty for an omelet."

Sam Morril [03:18]: "But they have, like, the Just Egg. But that is trash."

They discuss the societal implications of veganism and how it has become a luxury, touching on the challenges of accommodating diverse dietary preferences during tours.

3. Veganism and Dietary Preferences [03:18 – 05:24]

The conversation shifts to the practical and social aspects of veganism, with a focus on plant-based alternatives and their reception.

Sam Morril [03:34]: "It's trash. You go to the play and you get the understudy."

Mark Normand [04:23]: "It's a luxury, and they act like they're saving the world, but we're adapting to them."

The hosts humorously debate the authenticity and convenience of vegan products, reflecting on personal experiences and relationships impacted by dietary choices.

4. Touring Experiences and Comedy Shows [05:24 – 16:00]

Mark shares riveting stories from their tours, highlighting memorable performances, fan interactions, and unexpected events.

Sam Morril [14:17]: "The Moore Theater. Fucking Seattle's just something. Something about it."

Mark Normand [15:43]: "I fucked my mom. It was pretty cool."

They recount chaotic moments, such as dealing with security issues post-show and the exhilaration of performing in vibrant cities like Vancouver and Seattle.

5. Peeves: Everyday Annoyances [28:37 – 51:15]

The trio transitions into discussing their personal pet peeves, providing a comedic take on common frustrations.

a. Lamp Design and Light Switch Placement [48:20 – 50:05]

Mark Normand [48:22]: "Like, you got a lamp on this table. There's a cord going down to the wall, and you gotta follow the cord like a fucking magician with the strings or the rope."

They express irritation over impractical lamp designs, likening it to navigating a complex maze, and sharing relatable grievances about household inconveniences.

b. People Who Can't Accept Compliments [47:09 – 51:15]

Sam Morril [50:15]: "They never answer their texts because they never check their phone."

Mark Normand [47:40]: "He's the meal guy."

They highlight the annoyance of individuals who deflect or dominate conversations when receiving praise, adding humor to everyday social interactions.

c. Environmental Over-Speak and Boundary Pushing [50:15 – 51:15]

Sam Morril [50:15]: "Someone giving a 15-minute spiel on pollution when all I wanted was a cool breeze."

The hosts critique overzealous environmental advocates who extend their messages beyond conversational norms, humorously emphasizing the impact on personal comfort.

6. Comedy Influences and Favorite Comedians [31:04 – 43:04]

Sam and Mark discuss their inspirations within the comedy world, acknowledging peers and predecessors who have shaped their comedic styles.

Mark Normand [12:01]: "I remember every great bit I heard when I moved to New York because I remember Leo Allen had that great bit about pet stores."

Sam Morril [21:51]: "He was the run in the 90s, this Jurassic Park and Seinfeld."

They pay homage to comedians like Craig Baldo, Gary Veder, Leo Allen, and Nathan Fielder, appreciating their unique approaches and the influence they've had on their own material.

7. Drinking: Strategies, Stories, and Effects [51:15 – 72:02]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing alcohol consumption, sharing personal strategies for managing drinking on tour, and recounting humorous yet relatable stories.

Sam Morril [61:03]: "I tried it last night. Maybe we could punch it up because it needs more."

Mark Normand [65:00]: "I was stuck."

They explore the balance between enjoying drinks and dealing with the aftermath, such as hangovers and health consequences, while maintaining their comedic outlook on the subject.

8. Personal Anecdotes and Comedy Bits [72:02 – 77:25]

Sam and Mark share personal stories and brainstorm potential comedy bits, blending humor with personal experiences.

Mark Normand [70:15]: "Gluten is like an STD. You never know until later."

They discuss the challenges of incorporating sensitive topics into their routines, striving to find the right balance between humor and respect.

9. Future Plans and Upcoming Shows [77:05 – 78:27]

Towards the end, the hosts outline their upcoming tours and performances, expressing excitement and camaraderie.

Mark Normand [75:55]: "We got Port Chester, upstate. Albany at the Egg..."

They promote various venues and cities, highlighting the breadth of their reach and the anticipation surrounding their future performances.

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Conclusion

Episode 234 of "We Might Be Drunk" offers listeners an entertaining and insightful glimpse into the lives of comedians Sam Morril and Mark Normand. Through a mix of humor, personal stories, and candid discussions, the duo covers a wide range of topics from the practicalities of veganism and the highs and lows of touring to personal peeves and their comedic influences. This episode stands out for its engaging banter, relatable content, and the authentic connection Sam and Mark share with their audience, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Sam Morril]

A solo app. What are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

Hey, I missed it.

[Sam Morril]

I missed it.

[Mark Normand]

Missed it. Lot to talk about. We don't want some fucking queef from Hollywood button in on our convo. Oh, how'd you get started? Who'd you fuck? Do you know Weinstein enough?

[Sam Morril]

They never know Weinstein.

[Mark Normand]

They all. They don't know him.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I met a woman who said she met him and he hit on her.

[Mark Normand]

Ah.

[Sam Morril]

And. But he wasn't aggressive.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

He accepted the shutdown. He was like, I'm sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Sam Morril]

Isn't that weird?

[Mark Normand]

Now it's funny because she probably hides that story. Like, she won't go public with that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You don't want to be the person who's like, we didn't rape me.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Because other. He probably did do it to other women.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Right. Interesting.

[Sam Morril]

Well, what a start to the episode.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus, have you seen that montage? Everybody like, harvey, I love you. You're a God. And they're all like kissing his fingers and his feet and toes and lips.

[Sam Morril]

He did.

[Mark Normand]

He.

[Gary Veder]

He didn't have a working penis.

[Mark Normand]

That's what they. That's what they said.

[Sam Morril]

He didn't have a working penis. So he had like, he'd like a Luke Skywalker, like, bionic hand type or something. What was going on?

[Gary Veder]

He was just eating women out.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Sam Morril]

He was a gentleman.

[Mark Normand]

That's a charity.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It's a good guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I heard it was a nub that didn't really work. But then they say that Epstein, Hitler and P. Diddy also had a bad day.

[Sam Morril]

Egg shaped penis.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So something's going. We gotta pay over.

[Sam Morril]

Difficult to live with this thing on. All right.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's overpriced.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. I went to a diner in the Village. It was like a dollar thirty for an omelet.

[Mark Normand]

It's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

It's getting a little out of hand.

[Mark Normand]

It's way out of hand. We went to a diner the other day. It was omelette with potato. I got a bowl of soup and I think it was like $59, dude.

[Sam Morril]

And it's like, you know, it's bad when presidents are being like, going to do something about these eggs.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It all comes down to the eggs and the eggs.

[Sam Morril]

Eggs. People love eggs.

[Mark Normand]

Well, if you. You can find the story. They're smuggling eggs over the border.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Now. Which is like, first of all, that's funny.

[Sam Morril]

But also, it's like the movie Sorcerer. You got to be really careful. You don't want to.

[Mark Normand]

You want to break them the toughest smuggle of all, like Fentol, you can put up your ass. You put an egg up your ass, that's going to crack and make a chicken.

[Sam Morril]

Except for the vibrating egg. That's a good thing. Remember that? True.

[Mark Normand]

The vibrating egg.

[Sam Morril]

That was a Jim Jeffries bitch.

[Mark Normand]

That was big, that egg. There it is. So our border smuggling. How do they smuggle that shit?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, not this guy.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, one sneeze and it's all. We did the egg drop challenge. Remember that? Egg drop soup. You never did the egg drop challenge.

[Sam Morril]

What is that?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's where you.

[Sam Morril]

Oh. You drop it from a high thing and you make sure it doesn't. I did that.

[Mark Normand]

You have to design an apparatus that keeps it from cracking. And I won mine.

[Sam Morril]

Did you. How'd you wrap it?

[Mark Normand]

I just went to town. I did, like, a cushion with a bubble wrap with the.

[Sam Morril]

The immigrants are listening right now. How does this go?

[Mark Normand]

I won.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Damn. I do love eggs. Oh, I love it when people are vegan. I'm like, but the eggs.

[Mark Normand]

I know I do today, but they.

[Sam Morril]

But they have, like. You know, they have is like the Just Egg. But that is trash. You know, whenever they're showing you, you know, whatever. It's. Look it up. It's like. It's like. It's like egg beater stuff. You just pour. But it's not real.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, get out of here.

[Sam Morril]

It's all imitation. Yeah, it's all fake.

[Mark Normand]

Gross.

[Sam Morril]

You know what that shit is? It's like you go to the play and you get the understudy. Right? That's what the Just Egg is. The understudy, at least is good. You still might have a good show.

[Mark Normand]

Good point. Yeah. It's a horrible name because you're like, I'd rather just an egg.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

What is it? Real egg?

[Sam Morril]

Eggs from plants? Oh, no, it's trash. I date a girl who is, like, trying to do the vegan thing for a while, and, like, you get sucked into it, like, you know, because you're just trying not to be. Then you'd be the guy who's just like, well, I don't want to be difficult.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

It's annoying that, like, oh, so we're gonna order from two different places.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But then you're like, yeah, I guess we have to.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Sam Morril]

Cause then she was like, all right, let me try real pizza. And she was like, what the fuck? I was like, yeah, I was lying to you. Your shit sucked. Your fake cheese pizza was trash. Of course, the only thing they get Away with is like the cashew milk or, you know, oat milk. No, but, like, that ice cream can still be good.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

Like the Van Leeuwen like that shit. The vegan flavors are pretty good, but that just happens to be good.

[Mark Normand]

Right. It's one of the rare ones. Also. It's $17 more for the vegan shit.

[Sam Morril]

It's. That's what they don't talk about, how it's a luxury to be vegan.

[Mark Normand]

It's a luxury, and they act like they're saving the world, but we're adapting to them.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Also, you're saving the world, but you're ruining the hang. You're a bad hang.

[Mark Normand]

And the meal.

[Sam Morril]

Inconvenience. Yeah. No. I had people over the game the other night, and I was ordering my friends, like, you should get a vegetarian option. I'm like, nah, pizza usually are safe vegetarian, but, you know, you can have.

[Mark Normand]

Cheese with a vegetarian.

[Sam Morril]

But the vegans with the no cheese, they're taking it. They're taking it. Well, they say it's not. It's not ethically done.

[Mark Normand]

I agree. But, like, you're. You're the weirdo. You should figure your problem out. We got to adapt to your thing. If you're handicapped and I got a. I got a stairwell, I can't build you a ramp. That's a bad example. You should always have a ramp.

[Sam Morril]

The handicap person might not be their phone. The vegan guy's choosing it.

[Mark Normand]

Good point.

[Sam Morril]

The handicap guy didn't choose to get hit by a car.

[Mark Normand]

Good point. The vegan's choosing a wheelchair when he doesn't need it.

[Sam Morril]

I was with a guy, and he's vegan. He was telling me. He goes, I would eat eggs if I had a farm. And I knew that the. Yeah. At that point. Like, how far are we gonna take this? At what point?

[Mark Normand]

But also, doesn't a chicken just shit out an egg? It's not hurting them.

[Sam Morril]

I love if I had a farm. It's Manhattan, right? Where the fuck's the farm?

[Mark Normand]

Get farmer. What is it all.

[Sam Morril]

What's farmers only?

[Mark Normand]

State farm. There you go.

[Sam Morril]

Like a good neighbor.

[Mark Normand]

That's the one.

[Sam Morril]

Like an annoying friend. I'm gonna ruin the hang. Yeah. No, it's fucking. The vegan stuff. God bless you. It's hard. I also like when the comics we know do it. You're like, how the do you do it on the road late at night on, like, a Wednesday?

[Mark Normand]

Crazy. Crazy. You got to carry, like, a nutrigrain bar or something on You.

[Sam Morril]

That shit's all bad for you, too.

[Mark Normand]

I think the vegan stuff is bad. Like that impossible burger. They did the math on that. It's like, way worse for you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Than a piece of beef.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, probably.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, because you got to pack it in. Like, the. The snack wells are like, hey, these are actually fat free, but they're, like, covered in gluten sugar.

[Sam Morril]

What a shame that. My grandparents fell for that shit.

[Mark Normand]

I did.

[Sam Morril]

Closet. Closet full of snack wells. My grandma's ass. It never looked fatter. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, it was like this. This ain't working.

[Mark Normand]

All these poor housewives are getting fatter and fatter eating that devil's food cake bullshit.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. That shit was not. It was not real.

[Mark Normand]

No, no. It was pretty good. I had a few.

[Sam Morril]

It didn't taste bad. But everything. There's always a new craze every year. Like, have you tried these Fig Newtons? Yeah, they're awful.

[Mark Normand]

They're all. They're horrible for you, but that's what I was zipping.

[Sam Morril]

But Fig Newtons don't even taste good.

[Mark Normand]

I don't mind a Newton.

[Sam Morril]

They're all right.

[Mark Normand]

I don't mind a Newton.

[Sam Morril]

They're in the cookie category. You're putting the Fig Newton next to an Oreo that you think it's all right.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good point. That's a good point. That's like putting Roseanne next to Heidi Klum. I. You got a point. But, yeah, put that shit in the hippie dippy power bar aisle. Yes, well, next to a power bar.

[Sam Morril]

It's good. Fine, I guess It's. It's whatever. Yeah, but you're eating a power bar because it's like a meal replacement type thing. Right, Right. You're eating a Fig Newton is, like, that's, like, billed as a dessert.

[Mark Normand]

What about the Newman's Own?

[Sam Morril]

Which one? Oh, like Paul Newman.

[Mark Normand]

Paul Newman. At least you know it's going to sickle cell or whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, Gotta love Paul Newman.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, you gotta love Paul Newman.

[Sam Morril]

The lemonade.

[Mark Normand]

The lemonade. The. The spaghetti sauce. The Fig Newtons.

[Gary Veder]

What if he just r Off other people's products and putting his name on it?

[Mark Normand]

Pretty much charity. And his face.

[Sam Morril]

He was like the Robin Hood of the. Of the tomato paste aisle.

[Mark Normand]

All the kids.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

His kid, I think, killed himself.

[Sam Morril]

Did he?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I believe so. Give that a go.

[Gary Veder]

Is that a hang gliding accident or did he kill himself?

[Mark Normand]

Hang glide. I don't know about that.

[Gary Veder]

Carson's son or Newman's son died in a hang gliding accident.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Hang glide. That came and went, huh?

[Sam Morril]

That's. Yeah. That does not look like a good idea.

[Mark Normand]

No, no.

[Sam Morril]

How do you look at that thing and think, yeah, I'm gonna do that?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. We vegans on a hang glider.

[Sam Morril]

What happened?

[Mark Normand]

Bad hang.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

Wait a minute. I think he killed him.

[Gary Veder]

Motorcycle accident, the fall of 1978. He's taking painkillers to ease his discomfort. Yada, yada, yada. Alcohol, drugs. Looks like he OD'd.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, there you go.

[Sam Morril]

I'll take it a step further. We're talking hang gliders. What's motorcycles? What are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's a bad idea.

[Sam Morril]

You're not.

[Mark Normand]

The odds are against you.

[Sam Morril]

Especially the guys. They had to pass a law a few years ago in Connecticut so that they would be forced to wear helmets.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Because people were sick of scooping their heads off the side of the road. But they don't want to wear helmets because they feel the breeze in their face. They like the breeze, but.

[Mark Normand]

Well, me and him like to take a nice little bike, cycle around the city.

[Sam Morril]

But no helmet.

[Mark Normand]

We don't wear helmets.

[Sam Morril]

You got to wear a helmet.

[Mark Normand]

You have no excuse. I got to protect the bird's nest. You got a fucking iron dome up there.

[Sam Morril]

May and Stacey are going to be wiping your own asses for the rest of your life. You're not careful. Cause it's not you, it's the other. Cause I saw a guy. This is a walking city to me. Fuck the scooters, you know? So I crossed diagonally through an intersection. I see a guy on a scooter. I see a guy on a scooter. And he looked really angry at me. And I was like, fuck you. It's a Walker city. But he gave me one of these, and I was like, fuck you. You're in a suit on a scooter. Who the fuck. Go fuck yourself.

[Mark Normand]

The suit scooter's a bad guy.

[Sam Morril]

The suit scooters cause you're powerful, but you're not.

[Mark Normand]

Right. A business scoot.

[Sam Morril]

Unless you're like the CEO of scooting, you're kind of a pussy.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that PO Sam's got a fan out there in a wheelchair. He's like, it's a walking city. I guess I'll never go there.

[Gary Veder]

So I was wrong about Carson son Ricky died in a car accident while shooting nature photographs.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man, that sucks.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you can't shoot while you drive, Ricky. That's the problem. Put the. Put the camera down while you're at the. On the Gas.

[Sam Morril]

That was the texting while driving of its day.

[Mark Normand]

That's true, that's true. There you go. I'm a big texter while driver.

[Sam Morril]

Are you?

[Mark Normand]

It's like drinking and smoking. They go together.

[Sam Morril]

It's like steak and potatoes. Yeah, It's a good combo.

[Mark Normand]

And they're good apart, but together, wow.

[Sam Morril]

It feels. It's a. It's. Yeah, because it makes it fly by, right?

[Mark Normand]

Flies by. You're getting done while driving. I love it. But you can do the voice. That's. The voice.

[Sam Morril]

Does help.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, hey, Tell Sal. Accused to wear a helmet, but that's LA people.

[Sam Morril]

Whenever LA people would just leave you like a minute and a half and you're like, now I gotta listen to a minute and a half of this person? I don't do that pontificating.

[Mark Normand]

Type it out with your voice. I mean, so it sends a text.

[Sam Morril]

I like that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's what I'm doing.

[Sam Morril]

But the LA people always leave you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

All the LA people. I know. It's like a long fucking message.

[Mark Normand]

The worst is you see the guy at the. At the park or whatever, he's going take a note too, and he's like. Well, like, we all have to hear his fucking thing. Like, get out of here.

[Sam Morril]

Here's why the voice thing's so obnoxious. You found a way to elongate the voice message.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So now it's the voice message, but it's going on and on I go, okay, cool, here's another one. What are you doing? I know, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not listening to your album here. Fuck you.

[Mark Normand]

It's brutal.

[Sam Morril]

I hate it.

[Mark Normand]

It's too. And they always. They never have all their thoughts together. Like, what was that guy who played Yoda? Frank. That was it. Boy, he's good.

[Sam Morril]

It's the rough draft. Yeah. You got to get it together. You got to, like, have a fucking.

[Mark Normand]

It's a rough draft.

[Sam Morril]

It's insane.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Remember that old Craig Baldo joke?

[Sam Morril]

I love this. I know the.

[Mark Normand]

That was his big bit.

[Sam Morril]

What was it?

[Mark Normand]

He was like, listen to Elton John. He's like something, something. Then again, no. And he's like, I don't want the rough draft.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

The fucking song recorded on the studio.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he had some funny shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was funny. He's. He's. He's a sports reporter now. Or.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, in Boston.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, shit.

[Mark Normand]

Mm. Funny guy. I remember every great bit I heard when I moved to New York because I remember Leo Allen had that great bit about pet stores. He's like, they say, don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. Don't go to the pet store when you're lonely.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's great.

[Mark Normand]

I'll take all the turtles, and I'm gonna name them Elizabeth Elizab.

[Sam Morril]

That's good, man.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. I remember every Tom McCaffrey bit. I got them all.

[Sam Morril]

There's so many. So many good bits. My favorite one was, you pick. Like, I was a pussy when I was a kid, so if someone would pick a fight with me, I would just give them a time and location. That was really difficult to get to. Oh, this guy wants to go. You and me, Christmas morning, Mount St. Helen. He's like, that's kind of hard to get to. And he's like, you hear this pussy? Oh, you want to go? You and me, Vanity Fair, Oscars after party. That's kind of a tight list. This pussy's not even to get on the list. That's a great fucking joke.

[Mark Normand]

I think I've said it here before, but he had the. He had the first, you know, girl and guy give you the. The boyfriend. Girlfriend give you the. The hall pass. Yeah, you could fuck her. And he's like. The girlfriend's like, George Clooney, you know, Val Kilmer, whatever. Nicholas Cage. What about you? He goes, the girl from the store, my Aunt Sheila, whatever it was.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone ended up copying that bit completely. That's one of those bits that, like, sounds hac. In retrospect. But the first time I heard it, I was like, damn, that's good.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that's good. He had the great bit. He's like, I read the Jenna Jameson book. The movie was better.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's classic. Quick, quick. He had good shit, man.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Because I couldn't write it. I was so bad. I was so new at comedy, so seeing other people's jokes really inspired me.

[Sam Morril]

Also, he would kill in, like, the tough rooms. Oh, yeah, those were. Yeah, dude, I. I need new jokes. I was just. I was just on a run, man. I was in a. I did 11 nights on a tour bus, and then we're filming a movie while we're doing it. So I'm just like, by the end, I'm fucking cranky. I'm sleep deprived. But, like, some of these venues, man, the Masonic and sf. Fucking SF is amazing.

[Mark Normand]

One of the top comedies.

[Sam Morril]

Some less homeless people, too.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, good.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, there's still poop, but they were, you know, it's like mice. They're still there, but, you know. But it was Beautiful. It's great.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Yeah, I saw some. Some Sometimes people tag you and they tag me. Yeah, we have a pod. So one guy was like, best show I've ever seen.

[Sam Morril]

They were good. You know what my favorite one of the whole run was? I think was Seattle. The Moore Theater. Fucking Seattle's just something. Something about it.

[Mark Normand]

I love that town by the water down there.

[Sam Morril]

Vancouver's dicey right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

We go outside, so, you know, I'm flying high after the Knicks win. They won. It's just. They just one game, too. I'm losing my mind against the Celtics. And I go, oh, yeah, there's. This is game six. Stavi and I, some guy tagged us. We're running through the street just fucking screaming.

[Mark Normand]

That's an amazing photo.

[Sam Morril]

I turned to Stavi, I'm like, should we embrace 7th Avenue in the madness? And he goes, we must, and we have to. And we ran out there like, ah, hell yeah. People are climbing the fucking billboards. It's mayhem. It's like, you know. But, yeah, I'm going nuts. I'm so happy. And then after the show, my tour manager's like, run down to the green room. And I'm like, why? And he's like, just run. I'm like, all right. Jesus. There's a guy wielding a machete in the alleyway trying to get in. And I'm like, all right.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

Fucking Vancouver, man. Dicey. Holy moly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, so give me the Knicks rundown. They won the first, lost the second, won the third.

[Sam Morril]

No, they won the first two rounds, but, oh, against the Celtics, they won the first two. They lost. Game three is big because if you're up three zero, you never lose in the NBA, Right? But they won the first two, they lost game three.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

End up going to game four with my mom. Pretty fucking badass.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I wish I could have got.

[Sam Morril]

It was pretty damn fun. And then.

[Mark Normand]

Did you get any?

[Sam Morril]

I did. I fucked my mom.

[Mark Normand]

Dude.

[Sam Morril]

It was pretty cool.

[Mark Normand]

Andy, look.

[Sam Morril]

It was. They put us on the kiss cam. I'm a sucker. No, we. Dude, it was pretty epic. Brunson went off. Tatum tore his Achilles. That sucked for the Celtics.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But then. Yeah, and then I went back for Game 6 with little Stavi, and then, yeah, we were flying high, man. Walking through the streets, just embracing the fucking. Just high fiving strangers, just loving it.

[Gary Veder]

When was the last time they were in this level of playoffs?

[Sam Morril]

25 years.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So now what happens?

[Sam Morril]

Dude, I almost booked a gig in Indy to go to game four. I almost like, oh, I. I booked it. I booked the flight. I booked the hotel, and I got a gig. And then I just was like, dude, what am I doing? I know. I'm so tired, though. I'm just, like, burnt out. I've hit 50 cities already this year. I'm like, what am I doing to my. My body's like, what are you doing to me?

[Mark Normand]

You're gonna get a little break, though.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's in, what, two weeks?

[Sam Morril]

We got other shit. No, it's. It would be like, next. I mean, I don't know when this is coming out, but we're dating this episode right now. But, no, I just was fucking that last run just, like. Because we did. You know, we're doing the tour bus movie, so then we have the third run. They gave us a different bus, so we just couldn't film anything. I was like, oh, so now I can't shoot. So we had to film everything on the fourth one, I was just like. It'd be like, I do two shows, and I get off and be like, oh, we gotta film till three. And then Vedor would be like, we need a shot of you, like, looking out the bus window at 7. I'd be like, all right. So I'd wake up. So it was like that for, like, 11 days.

[Mark Normand]

But did you finish.

[Sam Morril]

Finished that part?

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Not the whole thing, but, yeah, we're getting them. No, we still got shit to do. No, that's true, but it's. No, we're cooking, man.

[Gary Veder]

You're recently single, if that's what you're saying.

[Mark Normand]

Are you meeting?

[Sam Morril]

Sure, sure. Howard Stern.

[Gary Veder]

Are you meeting women on the road?

[Sam Morril]

It's hard on the road because of the bus. I want. I think I want to do a bit about this because, like, I think this could be a bit. We were, like, fooling around a little, and she goes, I want to kill you. And I was like, I'll humor this. Let's see where this goes.

[Mark Normand]

So I was like, you met Casey Anthony.

[Sam Morril]

She's out there.

[Mark Normand]

I know. She's not bad.

[Sam Morril]

She's not bad.

[Mark Normand]

She's not bad. Yeah. I've already jerked off to her twice.

[Sam Morril]

But would you roll the dice?

[Mark Normand]

I would sleep with one eye open.

[Sam Morril]

You know, you don't have to use plan B with her at.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's not bad. But now she's like. Like, she's trying to be an influencer.

[Sam Morril]

Some guy threw his life apart for her. He, like. He had. He Was married and he cheated on his wife with her and then like tried to get his wife to take him back. And she was like, no, you fucking. You bang Casey Anthony.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, what are my friends gonna say?

[Gary Veder]

And he's the insane one.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. The. The influencing is worse than the killing.

[Sam Morril]

But this girl, I wanna do a joke with, this girl says. She goes, I want to kill you. And I was like, you know, I was rolling with it cause we're hooking up. And I was like, yeah. And she goes. I go, how are you gonna kill me? And she goes, when you least suspect it, with a knife, I'm gonna stab you a bunch of times. And I go, yeah, you little slut. And she goes, what did you say? I'm like, oh, I crossed the line.

[Mark Normand]

That's funny.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but yeah, there's something there maybe, but yeah, definitely. Oh, dude. Yeah, we got into a fight on the street. We were both hammered. It was like 4am I ended up at down the Hatch, a beer pong bar.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I know it.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good bar.

[Mark Normand]

Great bar.

[Sam Morril]

And I ended up just like, you.

[Mark Normand]

Know, that's the one. Tucked away on Greenwich.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we end up playing beer pong. I'm bombed. We're like, you know, we didn't leave with all these people. We get into a fight in the street and I was like, all right, it's 4:00am I'm too old for this shit. I'm leaving. And she was just like. She's like, screw you. And I was like, you suck. And some guy's like, he goes, oh, Sam Morrell. And I go, this chick sucks. And he goes, well, fuck you. Suck my dick, he says. I'm like, whoa, chill out, dude. Then I start walking and he followed me. The guy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Sam Morril]

So I'm just like in a conversation with him and he's like some 20 year old aspiring comic. And he's like, can I pick your brain? I'm like. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, it's 4:00am and I'm shit faced. Now seems like the right time. So I'm like, yeah, sure. So we start walking for like five blocks. And I'm bombed.

[Mark Normand]

You know what, lady? Go ahead and stab me there. Let's talk it out.

[Sam Morril]

But we're walking and he's like, can I? I got a flight. Like, this has been so. I don't know what I said, I was so wasted. But he's like, this has been so informative. Like, thank you, by the way. This is like a meeting in our business.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, this is how stupid our lives are. And he's like, can I take a picture to, like, commemorate this, like, meeting or whatever? And I was just. I was like, like, fucking hammered. And. And then I thought, that girl the next day. And she was like, we need to talk about what happened. You ever, like. You ever black out and you just, like, don't know what happened? So you're just like. So I was just like. I was like, well, we need to. I'm trying to, like, put together what happens. I don't remember. So I'm like, we need to talk about what you said. She's like, what I say? I was like, you tell me. You got to tell me what you said. I don't know. I don't remember shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So what'd you say? What was the fight about?

[Sam Morril]

I don't know. I just. I couldn't pick. I couldn't put it together.

[Mark Normand]

But so funny.

[Sam Morril]

I think she wanted to stay out. And I was hammered. I think it was like. It was like one of those when you're hammered and you, like, don't want to keep. But I've been. It's also. Women will fucking feed you shots.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And then they're like, yeah, I'll do it. And then they don't do it. So I'm getting bombed.

[Mark Normand]

And she's, you know, oh, you're doing shots, too. That's tough.

[Sam Morril]

I end up at all these fucking bars where, like, you look around, you're like, I'm the only one with gray hairs here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm too old to be here. But you're also like, fuck. Yeah. There's not a lot of people our age at beer pong bars.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I like that. The knife conversation. That wasn't the fight.

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

The fight was about staying out.

[Sam Morril]

No. I'm intrigued. It's funny. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about the movie Basic Instinct, and it's basically just like a cop who is turned on by the fact that this chick might murder him.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

That's like. You get to a kinky place at a certain point where you're like, yeah, fuck it. Like, you know, why not?

[Mark Normand]

Is there a more rewound scene in American history than this movie?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but it's hard to jack off to because you keep seeing Newman's face. Every time you see your vagina, you're like, fucking Newman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I had this vhs, this. Put her on the map, baby.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But then you have to deal with Wayne Knight's sweaty face, but, you know. Yeah, no, it was hot as. She was so hot in this movie.

[Mark Normand]

So hot.

[Sam Morril]

I think Sharon Stone would be a cool. We don't have enough women on the pod. That'd be a cool podcast.

[Mark Normand]

That's an all timer.

[Sam Morril]

She's got stories. Can we get Sharon Stone on? She Fought Follows Vitor.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Of all people.

[Sam Morril]

Sharon Stone's a Gary Veder fan.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that's amazing. I mean, she's great in. In a casino too. Oh, it's so good, dude, when she blows Pesci.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, she was sexy. Yeah. Newman really ruins this like that. Like, the director was like, such an auteur. He's like, I'm gonna make sure people don't jack off to the scene and they actually, like, take it in. It's Paul Verhoeven, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Sam Morril]

Like a cool, like, misunderstood director, man.

[Mark Normand]

Newman had a run in the 90s. This Jurassic park and Seinfeld.

[Sam Morril]

He's great. JFK, he's a great actor.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Wayne Knight, he's really good.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, do they show it on YouTube? Wait, go back.

[Mark Normand]

Pubes. You can't see because the. Oh, I saw a lip. I saw a lip.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, that is crazy. Can you imagine, like, can you imagine getting this script and it's like. And then I show my pussy?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

During an interrogation. By the way, look at the interrogation hole. It's like, ridiculous looking.

[Mark Normand]

I never noticed the lip that.

[Sam Morril]

Well.

[Mark Normand]

This is the best I've ever seen it. Holy shit.

[Gary Veder]

So apparently she said she didn't know that shot was gonna be in the movie.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, get out of here.

[Gary Veder]

That's what she said. She claimed I didn't know.

[Sam Morril]

And then what's her reaction when it's in it?

[Gary Veder]

She said she was shocked. I'll try and find the interview.

[Mark Normand]

Now, is that a prosthetic clam or is that the real.

[Gary Veder]

I would say it's real because she said she didn't know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but she happened to be perfectly shaved. I don't know. Seems.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Do they have, like, you do hair and makeup? Are they like, trimming your pubes?

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. Yeah. Do they powder that puss?

[Sam Morril]

Whoa, Newman, you would roll the dice. If the chick's hot enough, you're like, ah, let her kill me. What the fuck?

[Mark Normand]

Sure, With a nice pick. Why not?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's hot. And it's phallic, too.

[Mark Normand]

The right. Well, Douglas, he was in all the hot sex movies.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, remember Robert Schimmel's Joke about. From the movie Disclosure with Demi Moore.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

He's a joke where she goes, if you don't let me blow you, you're fired. He goes, right. Then the UFO should start landing, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's in that. The one Fatal Attraction.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, he's in all the.

[Mark Normand]

He's in all of them.

[Sam Morril]

He's all. My dick makes bad decisions. That's the whole genre. Fatal Attraction is just like, don't fuck crazy chicks. That's the moral of the story. Just don't. You can cheat on your wife. Just fucking be smart about it.

[Mark Normand]

My dick makes bad decisions. Was. That was like, me in the 20s or in my 20s, you know, that's all it was. Who had that great quote, like, your dick has taken you places you wouldn't go without a gun.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow. I've never heard that.

[Mark Normand]

That's so true. You know, like, I'll go down this dark alley. Cause I think that girl's on the other side of it. Whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Well, it also just leads to bits. Like, I. Like, I feel like my best. My best stories in my act are from just, like, following women in Just a story.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Just like. You're like, well, let's see where this goes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. My dick led me to a homeless shelter once.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

I hooked up with a girl who's staying in a homeless shelter.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Years ago. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Nice.

[Mark Normand]

Again. Four in the morning, shithoused. She was like, we can go back to my place, but I'm staying in a shelter. I was like, cab shelter. Let's go. Step up.

[Sam Morril]

Were there people around you?

[Mark Normand]

We banged in her. On, like, on a cot in a. In a hole. And she had to sneak me in. It was crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You have to, like, prove you're homeless.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. She put, like, a coat on me and makeup because I had to go in the women's section, which is. You hear, like, women crying and screaming. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

How was the smell?

[Mark Normand]

It wasn't great. It wasn't great. The whole thing was kind of a bummer.

[Sam Morril]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

But I saw the homeless shelter, like, a week ago, just randomly. It's on Atlanta.

[Sam Morril]

You went back for seconds.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. It's on Atlantic, and I think Bedford. It's this big armory. It's crazy, but. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Imagine women listening to this story being like, what the is wrong with you? Because I've done it too. I remember, like, I. I went to that girl's place where the guy just showed up. And it was. I mean, but that was like, a true story where, like, a guy just Showed up, and I was like, oh, this guy's gonna murder me. But you're like. And, you know, it's a bad situation. You know, it doesn't sound right, but your dick is like, eh, It'll figure itself out. Your penis is so confident that it puts you at ease.

[Gary Veder]

But there's, like, 95% of female hookups. Like, a woman is like, I could die here at every single one of these.

[Sam Morril]

That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. I always remind them, like, I could kill you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. They love that women want to be with a guy who could kill them but won't.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You don't want to. They don't want to be with a guy who would. Can't kill them.

[Sam Morril]

Unless you're, like a ufc. Unless you're, like, a female UFC fighter, you could beat the shit of the guy, but otherwise, yeah, it's probably uneven.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. Yeah. Female UFC fighter would kill all of us.

[Sam Morril]

But I've hung out with UFC guys, and I'm like, this guy could kill me if he wants.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, good point. Good point.

[Sam Morril]

I'll roll the dice.

[Mark Normand]

They're actually the gentlest men on the planet, weirdly enough. Yeah, they could kick some ass.

[Sam Morril]

Well, not all of them. One of the. One of them beat the shit out of that girl. Oh, really? Not all of them, but.

[Gary Veder]

And we wonder why we don't have more female guests.

[Sam Morril]

We're hopeful.

[Mark Normand]

Sharon Stowe. We won't beat the shit out of you.

[Sam Morril]

We love you. No, she's great, man.

[Mark Normand]

She's great, Great, great, great run of movies.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. We need more women.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Call in.

[Sam Morril]

We have. We have. It is a sausage fest of guests.

[Mark Normand]

In our defense, we've tried to book Jessica Kierson 17 times.

[Sam Morril]

Is she coming on? What happened with that?

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ.

[Sam Morril]

Jesus Christ. She is harder to find than Amelia Earhart. Am I right?

[Mark Normand]

She had to be a lesbian, right? I don't know if that's good, that jacket.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Airheart.

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah, we've tried. A lot of women do. Women. Not like us.

[Mark Normand]

No. We got Roseva, we got Rachel, we got Ms. Pat. We have recurrent.

[Sam Morril]

I know, but I wish we hadn't. I wish we had more. Just feel like we.

[Mark Normand]

We've tried short hair. There it is. That's all I need. What year is that?

[Gary Veder]

2029.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. Boy, she's a revolutionary. But not doing a great thing for female drivers. You know, just.

[Sam Morril]

It's like the early years of the wnba. It's like we're not there yet.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You ever heard lispid about. He's like, I had a female pilot the other day, which is fine. What bothered me is she had a ponytail coming out of the side of her head. He's like that. Worries. Not worried about the female. I'm worried about you. You're too wacky to be with a plate. I can't remember the bit. I hope I'm not spoiling his ass.

[Sam Morril]

Greg Giraldo had a great one too. We heard like everyone in the flight heard a woman's voice and they're like, oh, like this is an expensive vehicle. Buttercup.

[Mark Normand]

Buttercup is amazing.

[Sam Morril]

Buttercup is condescending.

[Mark Normand]

I got some peeves, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

I love. I love a good peeve. You've been. I mean, you've been in Europe. I want to hear about it, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah. Europe is amazing. By the way. We had a great time.

[Sam Morril]

I'm going off Eurox for where I go because I want to do another Euro trip and I mean Iceland. Holy shit. The pictures you're sending me were crazy.

[Mark Normand]

That was number one. That was the first spot, so it was hard to beat.

[Sam Morril]

Why was it number one?

[Mark Normand]

It's just because we've all been to England. We've been to the uk, you know, Ireland. It's not that different. It's drunks, it's fun people, it's whatever, you know, bad food. But that's the Palladium, by the way, which is like their. Their Carnegie Hall.

[Sam Morril]

Gorgeous.

[Mark Normand]

Unbelievable. Wait, where is this the Palladium in London?

[Sam Morril]

Yes. That's like Lenny Brusch played. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Right in the heart of the city too.

[Sam Morril]

Beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

That's in Birmingham. No one cares. But I don't know where. That was gorgeous. I love those old bars. The Hatchet Wound. That's a good time. But yeah, that's in Iceland. So. Iceland was first. It's otherworldly. It's all volcanoes and glaciers. They call it the city of fire and ice. Reykjavik. And it's incredible. All the rocks are big and black and like they got this crazy hard and throbbing. Yeah, big vein Snickers bar. But this, this is like one random. It's all Viking and you can feel it in the air. And the people are big and blonde and man buns and the food is weird. Reindeer and all this.

[Sam Morril]

Have you eaten reindeer?

[Mark Normand]

I ate reindeer. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I had whale in Norway. I was like, like, I'll try it once.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, well, you're single now, so. But yeah, so yeah, we just had a hoot and a Holler. But you get pissy on the road because your. Your. Your creature comforts aren't there, you know? So, like, they. First of all, they don't have drip coffee. There's no drip coffee anywhere else.

[Sam Morril]

Flat white.

[Mark Normand]

You got to get a flat white or Americano, which I hate.

[Sam Morril]

I know it is. You do feel like an American piece of trash. Because I have the same problem. I'm used to just, like, drift drip coffee with, you know, a splash of whole milk.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but it's the best. You go to a diner, you get the lady with the pencil in her ear report. They can't do that.

[Sam Morril]

They must look at that as just garbage.

[Mark Normand]

I get it.

[Sam Morril]

I think. Yeah, but dude don't. I'm the same way. I'd be traveling. I go to every airport. You get a coffee, and you're like, flat white. Like, I don't even know what this shit is.

[Mark Normand]

I'm thinking it's all milk.

[Sam Morril]

It's all milk.

[Mark Normand]

It's all milk. So then you got an espresso if you want to just have the coffee. But then you're just drinking this fucking tiny dick.

[Sam Morril]

I like. I like what I like.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And it behooves you to have multiple different. You know, it's an international city. Give me some drip.

[Sam Morril]

We show up to Europe, we're like, I'd like a Dunkin Donuts. Would it kill you to have a Dunkin Donuts?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Well, I took a stand. After a while, they're like, we have Americano. And I would walk out. I just couldn't do it anymore. I hate Americano.

[Sam Morril]

I don't like Americano.

[Mark Normand]

And it's named after us.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

So we gotta name it after us. Get the drip.

[Sam Morril]

That must be a tiny Italian Americanos. Well, do you know what it is, actually?

[Gary Veder]

Another history of it. It's from World War II when our soldiers went over there and they served us espressos, and we're like, where's the coffee? They're like, this is it. They're like, just add water to it.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Gary Veder]

And they called it americanos because we were American.

[Sam Morril]

So. Yeah, it is American, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, they steal all our movies and music. Get the drip. Just steal another thing.

[Sam Morril]

I remember, Richard, Jenny used to have a joke how we Americanize all their stuff about how they have the croissant. We go, eat your croissant with your fat piece of shit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's funny.

[Sam Morril]

But, dude. Yeah, I do miss, like. That's like the most basic shit I miss when I'm in Europe. It's the same with Australia. They don't do just drip.

[Mark Normand]

They don't do drip.

[Sam Morril]

So that's an American thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I bet it'll catch on if they bring it over there.

[Sam Morril]

I love diner coffee. I love. I mean, that was one of my favorite things about the road, is when you just show up to, like, a spot. You just get, like, five cups.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

They just keep filling you up.

[Mark Normand]

Keep filling you up. Your whole day is.

[Sam Morril]

You didn't even drink coffee when I met you.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

I was blown. Mark was like a guy who was like. I was like a comedian who doesn't drink. Our hours are so fucking wacky.

[Mark Normand]

And it helps a hangover like a motherfucker.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, I'll tell you what's helping that hangover is that fucking cold plunge, baby.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, not too bad. Yeah. I gotta set that up.

[Sam Morril]

That and that and some coffee. I'm fucking back, baby. Although I was. I was down for the count on Sunday. I was fucking out after the fight. I was supposed to look at places with Stavi, and I was like, buddy, I'm not. I can't move. And he was like, I get it.

[Mark Normand]

He was like, I know.

[Sam Morril]

But I. You know, I was like, I cannot. And I had to go to fucking Brooklyn to see family. And I was like. I was like, am I gonna puke in this cab ride to Brooklyn?

[Mark Normand]

What's your move? Because we're getting older.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, forties now. When I'm dead, hungover, I'm like. I'm praying to God I'm on my knees. I'm like, please take this away from me. I need some. Some help. So I do coffee, big meal. Like, big, greasy meal.

[Sam Morril]

What's your order?

[Mark Normand]

A huge shift. I'll do, like, the classic, like, the lumberjack. Give me eight eggs of sausage, bacon, potato pancake, Go nuts. And eight coffees.

[Sam Morril]

Chinese food's always good. Spicy. I like spicy when I'm hungover. Yeah, coffee, some fucking Chinese food.

[Mark Normand]

A big dump. Really clear. Yeah, that helps.

[Sam Morril]

I like all that. Yeah, that's kind of the move at this point. You just kind of have to accept it. It's that we're at the point where it's like, yeah, that's that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it'll.

[Sam Morril]

And also it's like, in you for a couple days where you just, like. You're just, like, sad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It'll be like two days later. I'm like, why am I sad?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the anxiety.

[Sam Morril]

Because I'm fucking flushing, dude. It's also. I'm. I can't drink with people that do shots anymore. I need. I know. I have a system. I know what I can drink. I know how to pace myself. I also. I got trapped in a bar the other night because the rain just came down. I was like, I guess I'm drinking till this rain stops because I don't want to walk home in this shit. And I did.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And that was another fucking mistake.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that's hilarious. Why'd you hit that woman? It was raining.

[Sam Morril]

I was stuck. Why'd you. So. So Reykjavik is incredible.

[Mark Normand]

It's incredible. Me and Sean Murphy. First of all, the show is bananas. The crowds are incredible. No one goes there, I guess.

[Sam Morril]

And then how big is Reykjavik? Like, what's the population say?

[Mark Normand]

Like 400k, something like that. It's like a village, you know? And we went to the. The sauna. This is called the Sky Lagoon. It's on top of a Mountain. It's 15 minutes outside the city. It's one of those things, you know, like. Like, should we do this? I'm kind of lazy and I'm so glad we did it. There's a bar behind me. There's a bar edged into the rock where you can sit in the water. The water is very warm and the air is freezing.

[Sam Morril]

I love that shit.

[Mark Normand]

And you can sit. I drank a couple beers at the bar. Nurse the hangover, Then you do a cold plunge, then you do a sauna. Then you cover yourself in this milky, salty shit that exfoliates you from the big black thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then you. You get back in the sauna and you kind of like marinate in this stuff and it goes into your skin and it's all. Feels all good. Then you shower, then you go back in the sauna. It's incredible.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

It was so cool. I mean, I recommend it.

[Sam Morril]

I want to do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And then what about. Where else did you hit?

[Mark Normand]

So then we went to England. Birmingham, Bristol. Bristol's where Banksy's from. So we went to all the old Banksy's on the. On the wall. Like when. Back when he was like an open micr.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's a great. What was that one back there? Was that Amsterdam?

[Mark Normand]

No, that was London. That's Birmingham. Bristol. One of the Bristol School. It's kind of like Madison. It's a college town, but it's very artsy cool. And Russell Howard is from there. Steve Merchant's from there. Ben, she's from there. Yeah. So it's like a very Art town. I've never been, but Cardiff is in Wales. So we took a train from Birmingham to Cardiff. So you got a. Wales is like its own thing there. They call themselves, they're like, we're not English, we're Welsh. Fuck you. Yeah, and it's kind of like Long island where they're fatter, uglier, drunker, thicker accent. It was so fun. The women look like whores. They're covered in makeup, caked in makeup, crazy like Bozo the Clown. And the, the crowd was great, but you can't even understand these people, the accent is so thick. We show up, we took a train. It was like a three hour train ride. You know, I'm hungover, whatever. Hour one, hour two, hour two and a half. All these people come on the train, they're all shit faced. All these women are like a day mate. Scoot over, you man. You're like, Jesus Christ. What's all this about? There was a rugby game in town.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

So all the yokels from the, the outside towns were going into Cardiff. Look at that. That, that was a Saturday night. That was me and Stavros, but damn, we, we were there on a Friday. We show up, there's a rugby game going on, and the whole town was a buzz. Every pub was full. It was like 11:00am it was crazy. And the show was killer. And we walked, just walked around, did people watching at night and got a, got a donor, you know? Donor.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, kebab.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

I love it. Yeah, I love a good.

[Mark Normand]

Love it, love it. That's big out there, there.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, that's. That's the, the way of the Brits and I guess the whales as well.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So then we, we left there, went to London and London's just fucking great. London.

[Sam Morril]

Awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Awesome. It feels like New York.

[Sam Morril]

So how many places did you hit? Was that it?

[Mark Normand]

Then I did Scotland, did Glasgow.

[Sam Morril]

How was that?

[Mark Normand]

Killer? Glasgow's great. But again they heckle you and it's. It's this guy who sounds like Groundskeeper Willie.

[Sam Morril]

I know. And you're like, what?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know what you said.

[Sam Morril]

That's what happened to me in Belfast. I was like, huh?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you did Belfast?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no, that's where I ended. Great.

[Sam Morril]

You get the pizza?

[Mark Normand]

I did.

[Sam Morril]

That guy's great.

[Mark Normand]

He sent one to the room.

[Sam Morril]

It's great.

[Mark Normand]

So I ate it. Yeah. Thank you, Sir Flout. Great pie.

[Sam Morril]

What did he make you a New Haven style or what?

[Mark Normand]

Sicilian, actually, which was a little much. Yeah, but I ate it before the show.

[Sam Morril]

And after the show, dude, yeah, Belfast is cool. And. Yeah, but the heckling, like, I can't understand a word.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, they're like, we just had Jeff Ar. Curry. He. He. He couldn't do the crowd work.

[Sam Morril]

That's how you neutralize him where you're from. Oh, fuck.

[Mark Normand]

And then you're like, can they understand me? I can't understand them. So how are they? So you're like. So I was at the mall. You're trying to really enunciate, and they're.

[Sam Morril]

Like, this guy, can't. We don't hear a word he's saying. What the fuck is this? Yeah, no, I. I got to do another. I mean, you're smart. You hit a lot of places. I didn't hit. I was like, maybe I'd go back and do something like that. Because I just love the change of scenery and I love mixing it up. So, yeah, I'm thinking maybe end of some point, but we gotta fucking film this movie too. So we'll see what happens.

[Mark Normand]

Well. Oh, that's right. Yeah, good point.

[Sam Morril]

But we're gonna have to end up canceling either way. We're gonna. We're gonna have to end up canceling gigs. We'll reschedule them.

[Mark Normand]

We can always go back. Yeah, we get. This movie's gotta get done.

[Sam Morril]

Gotta make. We're gonna make it.

[Mark Normand]

You know how Hollywood is or whatever. It doesn't. If you don't just do it, it'll just. Oh, I have a meeting about the next time we shoot, then another meeting and then a clan meeting. Too much.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, it. Oh, we got Yom Kippur's right around the corner. Like, I think it's a few months away. And they're like. And after that, mlk, I'm like, that's a year. That's about a year. You just said they take the longest. I swear to God, if there's Memorial Day turns into three weeks with these people. I've never seen if I. These people go on fucking, you know, five maternity leaves, they have two kids. It's fucking amazing. If you follow any of these people on Instagram, they're always in Turks and Caicos, right? They're always on vacation, and we're just like, what? No wonder shit never gets done.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

Because all we do is work, and all these people do is fucking play.

[Mark Normand]

They play, and then they're like, oh, we have to go down to scout. Like, they'll make a meal out of, like, we're scouting this location. And that means we're gonna be in Miami for four months.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, what? That's crazy. Send a guy.

[Sam Morril]

It's always a fun place to scout.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, always.

[Sam Morril]

They're never like, I gotta. I gotta pop into Gaza for this new movie. It's always fucking south beach, dude. You know, it's amazing. Cause I have a thing I'm trying to develop, and it's like. I'm like, the meeting's three and a half weeks away. They're like, that's really good for them. And I'm like, that's good. Meanwhile, this thing I'm just making is so satisfying because I'm just making it, and I don't have to wait in anyone excited except my friends who are like, you know, your friends will do you favors. They'll be like, whatever you need. I'll bend over backwards. Like, you know, so. The same way we do favors for friends, you know, with comics, we're so used to doing shit work for, like, nothing, Right? That if it's your friend, you're like, yeah, gladly. I don't give a shit.

[Mark Normand]

Sure, I know. But they don't have that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, well, that's why it's crumbling. You know?

[Mark Normand]

That's why it's crumbling. But it's amazing. Any movie's been made. I see a movie and I'm like, how did that get done? I know, but just think it was probably four years in the making.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, every story you hear is like, it took seven years to get done. I'm like, well, maybe that should be an indictment on the system and not a positive story.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

I remember at the Comic Strip, they used to have a thing. The Comic Strip Comedy Club, they used to have a thing like Chris Rock. We used to make him wash dishes for stage time here. I'm like, maybe you shouldn't be bragging about that. Maybe you should have recognized that this guy had a lot of talent.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Well, it took Eddie Murphy to go put this guy on, so it proves your point. You need a friend or wash dishes.

[Sam Morril]

Or clean shit up. Whatever it was, I don't remember.

[Mark Normand]

But I know he'd move chairs.

[Gary Veder]

Sam, who gave you a break early on?

[Sam Morril]

A break? I don't think. I don't know any one person. I mean, I remember someone being like.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Jim Jeffries used you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. No, I mean, it was a bunch of people, I think. But that's my point. It's not one person.

[Mark Normand]

It's not a break.

[Sam Morril]

It's not like in the movies where they're like, kid, you got. I Mean, right, Right. You know, that's Weinstein moment.

[Gary Veder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Weinstein. Yeah. He gave me a back rub. He ate my fucking asshole, dude. Hey, I don't have a pussy, but he's, you know, he.

[Mark Normand]

He sounds like a hell of a guy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Good, good, good, dude. Well, you know, Candace Owens whole thing is that he's innocent. She's doing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

She' whole thing about he's completely innocent. We're like, okay.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, well, she's got some Kanye in her where she's like, I'm not gonna wear a Klan hood. But I'll say the craziest thing, you know, and that'll be my. My move.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because we're talking about it right now.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

So it works.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Weinstein. You heard it here, guys. Weinstein's innocent.

[Mark Normand]

And there you go.

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Mark Normand]

All right, I got some peeves.

[Sam Morril]

I want to hear some peeves.

[Mark Normand]

How about this?

[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, it ends up.

[Sam Morril]

I even signed up for Grindr at one point. I got lonely. Rocket Money lets you see all your subscriptions in one place and helps you create a personalized budget to keep your spending on track. I mean, this is something we all need. Let's be real. So get on this. You're going to save so much money. I'm going to get on this. Rocket Money will even alert you if your bills increase and if there's any unusual spending activity or if you're about to go over budget. Rocket Money is over 5 million users and has saved a total of 900 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket money. Go to Rocketmoney.com drunk. That's Rocketmoney.com drunk. Rocketmoney.com drunk.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

I used the wrong there. I didn't strangle a hooker. What the fuck?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

What is this?

[Mark Normand]

This is your day. You're like third grade teacher with a red line. Like, wow, see me after class.

[Sam Morril]

No, I. I saw that.

[Mark Normand]

I caught it and I respelled it. Get out of here.

[Sam Morril]

It's the same type of person who writes first.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that.

[Sam Morril]

This is. You need attention.

[Mark Normand]

That at least is not like needling. He's just like, I'm first. So it's still sad and the guy's a loser. But the. The spelling guy. You're like, what are you doing?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, It's a weird one. 1.

[Mark Normand]

I think they feel like they're special. Like, I got you. I caught it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Now what I've been doing, and I probably shouldn't give away my secrets, but I've been putting ups on purpose for the engagement. For the engagement. I put. I'm doing Port Chester.

[Sam Morril]

All your fans think you're a guy's.

[Mark Normand]

Dumb as they already thought that. But I've been putting. I'm going to Port Chester. And I was like, where's Port Chester? And it's, like, right above the Bronx. So I go, hey, I'm going upstate. Everybody and every single cop. You can pull this up on my Instagram. Every single comment is like, that's not upstate, you idiot. Hey, upstate. What, are you crazy? If it's what's up 10ft above the Bronx, you retard. And I'm like, great, keep them coming. I bet that show sells out.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, that. That's a cool venue, too, isn't it? What's it called again?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

I played that once.

[Mark Normand]

It was the Upstate Theater.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'm just kidding. It's. It's an ad. It's an ad I made on Facebook. But every comment is literally, like, fucking smart. It's out of state. It's working.

[Sam Morril]

God damn.

[Mark Normand]

No one cares about the ads. So how about this one?

[Sam Morril]

More peeved. I like it.

[Mark Normand]

How about the guy who can't accept a compliment because he's doubling down on how I should be thanking him more? I'll give you an example. You go, hey, man, that was a really good layup you did. And he goes, yeah, it's me. Of course. It was a great layup. I'm doing the layup. I'm the layup guy.

[Sam Morril]

And you.

[Mark Normand]

You're like, I'm just giving you a compliment now. I'm like, I know. I know you're the layup guy. So, like, you couldn't take the compliment. You had to, like, triple down on it. So now I'm, like, blowing you even more. I hate that guy. Just take the compliment or don't.

[Sam Morril]

That's Gary with food. I'm like, this is a good meal. He's like, I'm the fucking meal guy. He does that. Not only that, I fucking pay for the fucking $500 meal. And everyone's like, gary, thank you so much.

[Mark Normand]

You're the meal guy.

[Sam Morril]

Thank you so much for.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Thanks for picking this. You did such a good job choosing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course I did. Who else did this meal? This is my thing. I'm like, I know what to say. It's a good. It's a good meal.

[Sam Morril]

So, yeah, it's like their ego is so big.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

They can't even accept the compliment.

[Mark Normand]

He's almost mad at me for complimenting him. As if he's like, yeah, you didn't expect this.

[Sam Morril]

I'm the. I'm the best.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes. I'm like, I got it. I got it. I'll never compliment you again.

[Sam Morril]

So that guy That's a good peeve. These are good peeves.

[Mark Normand]

All right, I got one.

[Sam Morril]

And they're specific. All right. I wonder if I have any.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I've been gone in my head for so long, so you're just relieved. Know. Take it in the world. But this is an object. Enough. And see if you can find this. I'm putting an end to this. Let's put this to bed. The lamp where the flip switch is on the cord. Oh, you know what I mean? Like, you got a lamp on this table. There's a cord going down to the wall, and you gotta follow the cord like a fucking.

[Sam Morril]

I love that. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Magician with the strings or the rope.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great peeve. Now I'll take it a step further when there's, like, a weird, random light switch somewhere on the table. That's like a little light that you can't find. I had to call the front desk and be like, I'm sorry, but, like, where? I can't turn the light. It's, like, right in my eye and it's like a sharp light. Like, what? Where is this? And she goes, we get this call all the time. I'm like, well, then maybe fix it.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe change the switch enough with this.

[Sam Morril]

Which wasn't her decision. You stupid. He's like, no, I'm on your side. I'm like, oh, sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gary Veder]

I also hate the lamp. You have to touch to turn on and off.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay. That takes a while to touch it.

[Gary Veder]

You're like, did it do it?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's like the clip. Was that too much? Jesus Christ. The hell's going on?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. At least the lamp I could see. But.

[Sam Morril]

But with the cord, I really, honestly, I couldn't find either without calling for help.

[Mark Normand]

But the cord thing. The cord tends to be behind the couch, behind the table. So I'm doing a Kaepernick. I'm on one knee, and I'm like. I'm like a kid in a cave trying to find my way out with the rope. It's fucking brutal.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's like Goonies.

[Mark Normand]

It's Goonies. Put it right here, dude.

[Sam Morril]

I got a peeve. And it's a positive, but then it turns into a peeve. I love a woman who's never on the phone. It's such a positive thing. She's never on the phone. She's never checking. But then here's the peeve. They never answer their texts because they never check their phone.

[Mark Normand]

Can't have it both ways.

[Sam Morril]

So that's. So I Got another one that's good. So then here's the other one. I mean, this is. You ever have someone just explaining again and again to you, like how something's bad for the environment and they do like a 15. They'll give me like a 15 minute spiel on, like, we're on the tour bus. The vent. They're like, you gotta close the vent when you're sleeping. You know that little vent that gives you air?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

And you're like, oh, okay. You gotta close that vent when you sleep. You don't want that in your face. I'm like, why? And they give me like a 10 minute speech on pollution. How all. It's the bad stuff in the road. And finally I was just like, Finally I was like, yeah, I like, it's a cool breeze in my face. I like it. Yeah, I'm keeping it on.

[Mark Normand]

Keep it on.

[Sam Morril]

I kept that. It was hot in there. So I got the pollution in my face for 11 days.

[Mark Normand]

So it wasn't like, like a climate change thing. It was like, you're taking in bad.

[Sam Morril]

It's unhealthy. It's probably rotting my skin. But you know what? It was a cool breeze. I liked it.

[Mark Normand]

You need the breeze.

[Sam Morril]

I like a cool breeze.

[Mark Normand]

I'm with you. I'm with you. And hey, this is America. Let me put pollution up my ass.

[Sam Morril]

I think the peeve is just people who worry too much.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I guess eventually their boundaryless anxiety is pushed onto you. And I'm like, I don't care. Right. I don't give a fuck.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

I'm already on a road diet. Sleeping on a tour bus. I'm already unhealthy.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Things are already like, who gives a fuck about some air?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes. So maybe the poison I'm drinking every night is the worst problem.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, poison we're selling.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Cat whiskey, baby.

[Mark Normand]

Good poison.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone's saying that young people aren't drinking, but I gotta tell you, marking the city. The bars are packed.

[Mark Normand]

Bars are full. I completely agree. You know, I think it's less like. I think it's less social. You know, the kids can't get together because they can't make eye contact. I'd have thought the other day. And tell me where you're at on this. There fatty. Bands are gonna go away.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, because people aren't hanging.

[Mark Normand]

People aren't hanging. You need to have six friends to drop off. You get into a garage for nine hours, just ding, ding, ding, ding, hitting the drums and all that. That's going away because hey, why would I. Why would I practice in a garage when I can just look at TikTok?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I gotta. You know, you have to. You have a dynamics of a personality where you guys don't gel, but you gotta make up again that that's all gonna go away and technology is going to come in. It's already in. You know, I get a baseboard or a electric whatever, you know, I can make up all the sounds on my laptop. Why would I learn the guitar or the. Or the drum?

[Sam Morril]

Yes. The people just have a AI keyboard type thing and they're like, I'll. I'll just sing and I'll use the AI Ex. There's no draw. Although now the drama. Instead of like Slash and Axel having beef, it's like you and a fucking robot. Yeah. We couldn't make it work. He was too fucking stiff.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right. My battery died. I couldn't find an outlet. Yeah. So that's. I think bands are gonna go away. That's my theory.

[Sam Morril]

I think people still need entertainment and people still will, you know, I think people still will learn. Like, I think it's cool when a parent pushes an instrument on a kid, as long as they're not like a crazy. It's like discipline. It teaches you how to like. So I think that's cool. So. And then maybe early on you realize that the kid is a prodigy. I think. I think people will still love music. I don't think bands will ever go away for real.

[Mark Normand]

I think people love music, but I think convenience always wins. So I think people are going to tend to go to the music. What do you call that thing, those boxes they make, like Reggie Watts thing, you know, it just makes up. It's like a drum machine or whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Right, right.

[Mark Normand]

Or a laptop where they'll just make beats and they'll make. Make. I'll just put a guitar in, you know, I'll put a guitar sound right here. I don't need to actually play the guitar, learn the guitar, be in a band with a guy with a guitar.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you like, learn. It's easier to learn software than an instrument.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Sam Morril]

I know. You mean.

[Mark Normand]

I watch the Avicii Doc. You see that?

[Sam Morril]

What's that?

[Mark Normand]

He's a DJ and I hate DJs. I hate techno, I hate all that shit. But the Doc is fascinating. This guy, he's made songs that are huge and we all know them. And I didn't know he made him.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

So he's like a fucking legend, this guy. But he killed himself because he was depressed.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like a lot of DJs kill themselves.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

OD. I think it's these crazy hours.

[Mark Normand]

Yep, yep, Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, you're partying late. I mean, and also, like, think about, like, we have to kind of be connected. You can get fucked up as you're. I mean, you have to still be like. But you can just get, like. Think of all the. All the uppers are probably on too, to, like, be doing that shit till 5am and then you can't just go to sleep. No, like, think about how wired we are after a set, right? If you get off work at 5:00am, what are you going to bed at, like 10:00am?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, also, we hit the booze. Maybe these guys doing molly, coke, meth, crank, ketamine, all this shit. Because it's the drug scene, it's the party scene, it's a rave, it's techno. But the guy's a genius.

[Sam Morril]

He's a wreck.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, I'll wreck it. I wasn't my wreck, but I'll wreck it. Just. Just as an artist or a comedian, it was fun to watch this guy just spiral into hell.

[Sam Morril]

Nice, nice.

[Mark Normand]

Very good.

[Gary Veder]

I got a peeve.

[Mark Normand]

Please.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Gary Veder]

The you never know guy.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, yeah.

[Gary Veder]

You know what? You'll never get attacked by an old Asian lady on the street. You never know.

[Mark Normand]

That's enough of that. Yeah, I'm with you.

[Sam Morril]

You just kill him.

[Gary Veder]

The whole story.

[Sam Morril]

I hope you get attacked by an old Asian lady on the street on the way home.

[Mark Normand]

You give her one can. You're. But yeah, no, that. That is annoying because it's. It just negates everything you just said.

[Sam Morril]

You never know. Yeah, Gary Goldman had a great bit back in the day sometimes, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. What was that one? He goes, hey, Gary, it adds up. He's like, actually, it only adds up if you add it up. Yeah, he's some guy. He's got some great jokes, but my wreck is the Nathan Fielder new rehearsal.

[Sam Morril]

It's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, man, this guy is on another level. Level. He's like. He makes me feel like a fraud as a. As a comedic person. He's so. Yeah, he's amazing and, like, weird and abstract and I'm sure not everyone gets it, but if you get it, it is.

[Sam Morril]

Do you have to see season one to see season two?

[Mark Normand]

Not at all.

[Sam Morril]

All right, I'm gonna check it out.

[Gary Veder]

You have to watch Nathan for you first.

[Sam Morril]

I love that show.

[Gary Veder]

You love it already.

[Sam Morril]

I love Nathan for you.

[Gary Veder]

Jump right into this. But if you. If I just said to someone who's never seen, seen that, watch this. They'll be like, I'm lost. This is too insane.

[Mark Normand]

Sure. It's so out of pocket.

[Gary Veder]

This guy, you don't have to watch the first season, but you have to know who he is and what he does.

[Mark Normand]

The things you can pull comedy from, it's really impressive. Like this guy, the fact that he's even famous is also crazy because he's so different. And I could see a pitch meeting going real south with this guy. I pitch shit that's way more mainstream. People are like, that's horrible. But he's just. This guy's just such a brilliant comedy mind.

[Sam Morril]

He's also so good at not breaking. Like, I would love to see the behind the scenes footage because, you know, he breaks sometimes. No, it's not. Because occasionally he's got to meet someone who's just so weird. But yeah, the way he just stays. I mean, when he has the nail salon with the valet, I mean, shit like that, where you're just like, oh, my God. Like, he. He just stays fucking. It's like when we would do morning TV and you're like, just don't fucking break. I think of guys like this. Or like, guys like Sacha Baron Cohen.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What he would do and.

[Mark Normand]

But he's just so unique and like, you know, oh, I wrote another joke about ball sacks. And then this guy's doing this crazy abstract original humor. All right, all right. But yeah, that's. That's my big wreck. This season tops. The sec, the first season, I think, by far. And they're both great. But I'm just saying, this one is, like, on another level. So, yeah, big wreck. And the studio, I'm loving that show too.

[Sam Morril]

I got to give it a watch. Yeah, man. My wreck is, dude, we just watch a lot. I mean, it's obvious, but we've been watching a lot of just classics. When we're on the bus late at night and we rewatched South Park. Bigger, longer. It's the best.

[Mark Normand]

Can't beat it.

[Sam Morril]

It's incredible. It holds up. Whatever. 25 years later, so hard. They don't make enough good comedies anymore. No, rewatch it. It's so good. If you haven't seen it, definitely watch it. The fact they just went balls to the wall to make it a musical and the fact that every song is hilarious and also good.

[Mark Normand]

Yep. And it's like a Dave Attell where it's dirty but smart.

[Sam Morril]

I love it. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, Kill me, Team America. I would say the same thing. Like, they know what they're doing. Obviously, they have a sex scene between two puppets, but they're doing. They're heightening it and making it really long on purpose. They're pros, those guys.

[Sam Morril]

Pause it for a sec. I got another peeve when people remind me. Another peeve when people will, like, show a video of some actor who's, like, older now, who's been out of the spotlight. They're like, look how old he is. Yeah. That's how fucking time was. I know.

[Mark Normand]

I hate that.

[Sam Morril]

That's what the fucking. The New York Post will do that shit all the time.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes. Or I saw in Touch magazine, and they're like, look how old Jack Nicholson is. You're like, yeah, he's 80.

[Sam Morril]

He's 88 or something. Yeah, old.

[Mark Normand]

Well, what are we. What are we doing here?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I love when they do the. They're aging gracefully. You're like, no, he looks like the Crypt Keeper. We all know that, but just let the man die.

[Sam Morril]

He's awesome. He met his match. I mean, this is like. This is like the Nathan, but from, you know, the convenience store side.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right.

[Sam Morril]

That's fucking crazy almost. There's almost like, a little Chris DiStefano in that guy. He's like, I drink some bee. I drink some fucking bee.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's great.

[Sam Morril]

It's good stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Right.

[Sam Morril]

God, drinking pee would be fucking bad.

[Mark Normand]

You ever tasted it?

[Sam Morril]

I must have.

[Mark Normand]

I've tasted it. It is a weird, sour tang that it's unmatched.

[Sam Morril]

Sounds kind of good.

[Mark Normand]

It's bad. It's bad.

[Gary Veder]

How good did you drink pee?

[Mark Normand]

Well, we had no running water. No. No plumbing in our house when we moved in, so we'd have to pee in cups. And so one time I peed in a cup. I left it out, and I was like, what is this? Apple juice? And I took a swig and I.

[Sam Morril]

Went, oh, I forgot.

[Mark Normand]

I pissed in this cup five hours ago.

[Sam Morril]

I did the same thing with cum. We ran out of yogurt, and I was like, what is that? What is that, siggies? I just chugged my own cum. It was horrible Greek yogurt. But, yeah, man, I. That was. That was the gag back in the day. You'd be like, lemon lime Gatorade, remember? I guess I'm gonna try to drink it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, pee is a weird tint to it. It's like an orangey almost.

[Sam Morril]

It's not good.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's not good. Every pee in the morning, you're like, damn, this piss is way too dark.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What is that?

[Mark Normand]

I think I got to drink more water.

[Gary Veder]

Drinking enough water, your piss should be clear.

[Sam Morril]

Clear.

[Mark Normand]

Clear is what they say, clear.

[Gary Veder]

Enough water that it's clear.

[Mark Normand]

Clear. Wow.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's not. My pee is not clear.

[Mark Normand]

No, my pee is.

[Sam Morril]

My pee is like Donald Trump's skin. It's fucking. It is no nutrients in there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Dehydrate. Well, I drink too much coffee, too.

[Mark Normand]

Coffee will get to diuretic, but it's.

[Sam Morril]

But, dude, I fucking. I drank so much since I've been back. I was on the road, and by the end of the run, I'm just like. You're just like, I'm tired. I'm just gonna do two shows. I just start pounding whiskey. I'm just like, fuck it. I'll just get drunk. And the shows end up. I make it through the shows because I'm, like, feeling. You just have to manage those. The highs, the lows. Like coffee before booze during the new crack trash. But then you come back and you're like, oh, my God, I'm home. I gotta get fucking hammered.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, and there's always someone. That's the thing about our. Our jobs. There's always someone out who's willing to drink with you.

[Mark Normand]

Boy, you got that right. You ever. Where's. Where you at? I'm drinking on a plane.

[Sam Morril]

I try not to because it's for work, but, God, it's good.

[Mark Normand]

It's so good. They bring it to you. It's a bar in the sky, basically.

[Sam Morril]

And it tastes better. Like, you ever have a Bloody Mary on a flight? It's something about tomato juice in the air. That's true. True. It's so good. Also, dude, you just, like. I don't know, just get, like, a Jack and Coke on a flight.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Something so damn. You feel so damn American.

[Mark Normand]

You feel American. You feel like Draper. Yeah, it is nice. If you could imagine, we'd still smoke on there and slap the.

[Sam Morril]

Let me get a Seagrams and soda.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Gary Veder]

Does it hit different? Because I know, like, when I watch a movie.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Gary Veder]

Emotional on a plane. Does it. I haven't ever drank on a plane. Does it hit different?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it does.

[Gary Veder]

You cross.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Cry on the ground. But also when you land, you're in, like, this euphoric boozy buzz. Where you land, you're like, whoa, I'm ready to get that Uber, you know? Like, it's not a chore. It's a chore. Later when you're at the hotel and.

[Sam Morril]

You'Re like, if I fly in to a gig the night early, it's very hard not to have a couple on there.

[Mark Normand]

It is.

[Sam Morril]

But I mean, I'll mix it up. Sometimes I'll just be like, fuck it. I'll get like a random drink. I know. I'll get like a vodka soda, splash of crayon. I'm like, let me fucking mix it up a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, why not? You're 10,000ft.

[Sam Morril]

Sometimes I'll get a fucking screwdriver. I'm like, what the hell? Why not?

[Mark Normand]

I love a screwdriver.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What the. Sometimes you just mix it up. Cause you think about the shit you drank when you were a kid and you're like, that's what you drink. When you get like that shitty ass vodka.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And just mix it with oj, you're like, oh, we're getting. Oh, my God. Fuck. Somebody ever make some sangria when you were young?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. When I was first moved here, 2007, 2008, I was like 22, 23, I worked at the New York Film Academy. And the guy who is my. My. What do you call, my upper senior, he's like my supervisor. Supervisor? Yeah, he was a big booze bag. So he would go once I was there, like a year, and he felt comfortable with me. He was like, you want to pop out for lunch and get two beers each at Shades of Green? You know, shade of green on. What is that, 16th Street? Because the New York, New York Film Academy was on park Ave and whatever, 18. So we'd go to Shades of Green. We chugged two pints and it was just the right amount. Where you're not stumbling at work, but you're like, oh, man, I'm feeling good. And I'd be typing like, life's all right. You know, I was 23 years old. It was great.

[Sam Morril]

But when you hit that right buzz. Oh, that's. That is like a cool bar.

[Mark Normand]

That's the one.

[Sam Morril]

When you get that right buzz and you're just like. But then the problem is maintaining that.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

That's. I mean, that movie. Another round, I think I love that. You got to finish it. It's so fucking good. One of my faves. But. But yeah, maintaining that buzz, that's the issue. It's like. It's a fucking dance. I'm just being out, like, you know, I'm at the game. I'm like, fucking, you know, having a few scotch and sodas. I'm like, fucking, you know, I'M like, I'm feeling good. But then the Knicks start losing. Yeah, not in this game. This game. I didn't even drink at this game. I was flying high. I was on. That was the one night last week I didn't drink.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

But I was at a game the other game, and I'm just like, pound. And then the Knicks start losing, and I'm like, start pouring a little heavy. Then we come back, I'm like, we're coming back. I start pouring a little heavier. What the hell?

[Mark Normand]

Any reason to pour?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, any reason?

[Mark Normand]

You can pour on a good, pour on a bad. That's the problem with booze. What's the great thing about booze?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, something about a scotch and soda. Just easy to get fucking bombed on.

[Mark Normand]

It goes down to eat. Scotch and ginger, too. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, whiskey ginger, Santino.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Sam Morril]

Whiskey ginger.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Drinking is fun.

[Sam Morril]

Drinking's great.

[Mark Normand]

But don't you feel like you've mastered it as an adult? Like, we've drank so much. We blacked out so much.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, I did until over the weekend. Every once in a while, I have a slip up and I.

[Mark Normand]

You need that every now and then.

[Sam Morril]

It's when shots come into the equation. When I'm just drinking regularly, I'm fine. But when people start point, it's always that one fucking push, like, come on, I'm gonna do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And I gotta just be smart enough to be like, well, I'm not.

[Mark Normand]

I know I'm gonna sip.

[Sam Morril]

But once the one person's an idiot, and then, of course, they disappear sometimes. And then you're just like, what happened to them?

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Sam Morril]

But I'm stuck feeling like shit now.

[Mark Normand]

You know what else sucks about shots? Shots are always a problem. But when there's rules with it, like, if somebody will give me a shot, I'm like, whoa. And he goes, you gotta wait for me. I'm like, what, are we dating? Come on, do the shot. Or like, they do this shit. Oh, I didn't know. We did the table tap move. It's too much.

[Sam Morril]

I was in a bar and some guy walked up to me. I guess he likes our pod. And he just. It was like a young kid. He must have been like 24 or something. He takes a Guinness, he puts it here, and he goes and just chugs it in front of me. And I was just like this. I was like, God bless him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Have fun out there, kids. But. But, dude, I drink to drink.

[Sam Morril]

I know. Well, it's like, the huge. That they're at the age where they can do that and bounce back.

[Mark Normand]

But, dude, it's like those guys who put ice in their mouth when they eat. Pussy's fine. Doesn't help anything.

[Sam Morril]

So then, yeah, I'm at the Cellar. They're bringing us shots. They're like, this big. And I'm like. They think they're like, we're hooking you guys up. And I'm like, you're killing me is what you're doing. You're going to kill me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Hook me up with a colostomy bag and IV tomor in a handy.

[Sam Morril]

Oof. And then. And then it's. Not to mention the diarrhea. Yeah, people don't mention the diarrhea, but when you get to a certain age, it's like, you get the runs.

[Mark Normand]

It's true.

[Sam Morril]

It's not good.

[Mark Normand]

It's bad. It's real bad. And my. My shits the next day are like flint mixed with ink mixed with the soft serve. It's a horrible combination.

[Sam Morril]

It sounds kind of tasty. Yeah, it's actually soft serve. I could go for some soft serve.

[Mark Normand]

But it's, like, the blackest thing you've ever seen. And I've. You know, I've been to, like, a.

[Sam Morril]

Spike movie in the early 90s.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. No, it's.

[Mark Normand]

It just. It sits in the toilet like. Like pudding. It's not. There's no form to it. All right? We're getting too gr.

[Sam Morril]

It's bad. Yeah. Why don't we have more female guests? We need some women. Sharon Stone. I. I love, like. I love that we went from, like, we can't get any women to, like, we should get Sharon Stone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's a good point.

[Sam Morril]

I love that. That was our logical next step. We should get. We should get one of the. We should get one of the biggest actresses of all time, Jessica Kirsten.

[Mark Normand]

We should get Nancy Pelosi in here. We learn a lot about the insider trading.

[Sam Morril]

We can't get any women. Hey, you know who I'd like to have on? Katherine Zeta Jones? Can we get her?

[Mark Normand]

Can we get Madeline Albright? Is she alive?

[Gary Veder]

I think she just died.

[Mark Normand]

Ah.

[Sam Morril]

I think. I think just. Just died. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Rip Mark, Dream guest.

[Gary Veder]

Just got back from Europe. Working on any new stuff out there?

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's the problem. Everybody goes, oh, you came to Europe. You must have all this gold. But I got one bit idea that I think I told you about on the phone. I tried it last night. It did. Okay. Maybe we could punch it up because it needs more. But I'm pretty gluten intolerant.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, and so certain shit, you know, has gluten, bread, pizza, croissant. All right, it's obvious. But gluten is also sneaky. It's in beer, it's in soup, it's in all this other shit. We don't know it. And I go, it must be what an anti Semite feels like, because usually you can tell who's Jewish, but sometimes they fool you. Now I'm at a dinner party, and I'm like, half an hour in, like, there's Jew in this. You didn't tell me. Your friend's like, whoa, what's your problem? You're like, I'm intolerant. I can't digest these people.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It's like being. It's like being an anti Semite because you never know. Yeah. Well, you're just like. You're like, you're a Jew, right?

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You're.

[Mark Normand]

Then the twist could be like, I'm complaining at this dinner party, and I. I'm like, maybe I'm the Jew or something also.

[Sam Morril]

It could be like, it makes my stomach hurt, you know, Makes me sick.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Uncomfortable. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But there's no.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe. The Nazis, they were getting the nutrition facts. You know that. That was in the papers. They were like, let me see if there's Jew in this. Like, the birth certificate's kind of like the nutrition facts, where it tells you what's in it. Or 23andMe maybe is like the nutrition facts. So.

[Sam Morril]

But I think there's something funny about having to feel it out. Because you have to, like, feel out. Like, with the food, you just ask the person.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

But with them, you're just like, really, what we have to do is you have to say something messed up about Jews. And then they're like, hey. And you're like, I knew it.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. That's why I'm feeling bad.

[Sam Morril]

Although I guess it not just any. It wouldn't just be a Jew who'd be bothered by. I don't know. I'm thinking of, like, an angle.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. But the first part's working, so I gotta just expand on it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I have a gluten joke about, I hooked up with a girl who was gluten. I see. I hooked up with a girl who's gluten free. And I go, it's fine. But it's never the only thing. It's never like, I'm gluten free. And I'm not annoying in any other way.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

So it's like, I'm gluten free. And here's eight other irritating attributes.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

And she fucked like she was gluten free. I was going down there for, like, you know, 10 minutes, and I was like, nothing. And she goes, not yet. And I was like, I feel like if you ate bread, you would have come by now. You know? It's doing all right, right? Yeah, yeah, pretty well.

[Mark Normand]

Is that why I'm not risen? Sorry. Yeah. Also, gluten. Another thing is, like, people give it to you, like, if you got a heroin problem.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You don't go to a restaurant, they just put a basket of heroin on the table. You know, like, you're always being tempted when you. When you're gluten and tolerate, you go.

[Sam Morril]

To any restaurant and that's the first thing that comes out.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

But gluten is also not as addictive as heroin.

[Mark Normand]

Of course. Of course. But I think there's something to. Like, you don't know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, I ate a bowl of soup and you're like, oh. Like, oh, it's gluten in the soup. I had to Google it.

[Sam Morril]

You don't know till later. That might be. You don't know till later.

[Mark Normand]

Hpv.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It could be like an STD there. Like, I found out after the fact.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. Yes, you find out on the toilet, you fucking liar.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, going to the bathroom.

[Sam Morril]

Like, what do you feel when you eat it?

[Mark Normand]

You feel, like, crazy, bloated. Like, I eat one pancake and I'm like. Like this. My stomach feels this big and you just feel weighed down, and then you.

[Sam Morril]

Get the diarrhea, so you can't eat pizza.

[Mark Normand]

I still do it. I still do it. I push through.

[Sam Morril]

You ate pizza in my place the other night.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I mean, I love pizza. I love pancakes. I love all that shit.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe that's an angle, too. I still do it. It's kind of funny. Like, I still do it and just deal with the consequences.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right. Yeah. I'm not gay, but I still do it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

My ass is killing me.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I like. Well, if you go in the STD angle, it's like, yeah, I'm not going to quit fucking. I'm not going to quit fucking.

[Mark Normand]

Not going to wear a condom.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'm not going to wear a condom.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. Yeah, that's true. Well, we both know a guy who's got herpes, and him and his wife make it work.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I'm sure I. Like you said, we both know, like, they're not going to put it together in the comments. I wonder who that could be about.

[Mark Normand]

It's called herpes with A2 peas. You all right? What do you got?

[Sam Morril]

I had a. What do I have? I mean, the crazy girl was the big. I had one about. I was talking to a girl and she was kind of. I don't know where to go with this exactly, but, like, she was kind of crazy. And I was like, you know, you start a fight with me like, every five minutes, and she goes, well, if you start dating me, then I'll. Then I'll stop. And I was like, is that how it works? Like, you go to a car dealership and the car just explodes? And he's like, you gotta buy this now.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Sam Morril]

That's not it, but it's like, that's like the. I feel like the angle.

[Mark Normand]

Totally the angle. That's a great idea angle.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, Something about that, like, if I.

[Mark Normand]

Start dating you, it's going to get better. What? Are you kidding? You're fighting with me now? No.

[Sam Morril]

This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase, right?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

This is when it's supposed to be good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's like you. Your pants in a job interview, and you're like, nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. It's kind of like you break it, you bought it. You know, like, well, if it's. If it's already broken, I don't want to buy it. I don't want to own this thing.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's something there, for sure.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Man. Crazy people are entertaining.

[Mark Normand]

They really are. That's why we like Charlie Sheen and Pete Diddy. I mean, and it's. It's fun.

[Sam Morril]

I've always said I like P. Diddy.

[Mark Normand]

He looks like hell. You see him, he's aged like 50 years.

[Sam Morril]

I know. He does not look good.

[Mark Normand]

Somebody wrote on the. Under that photo, they wrote, that's what happens if you can't get to the baby oil.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, we've all missed that one.

[Sam Morril]

It's a good one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's. He's not doing great. Look at that.

[Sam Morril]

That's not real.

[Mark Normand]

I thought that was Uncle Ben's rice there.

[Gary Veder]

That's the real one.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I mean, you can't go buy these.

[Sam Morril]

It looks like Charles Oakley. That's crazy. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Yeah. He's gonna fry, I think.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Not good.

[Mark Normand]

Not good. Yeah.

[Gary Veder]

Have you heard any of that testimony? It's pretty awful.

[Sam Morril]

What is? What. What was it?

[Mark Normand]

It's just, I mean, beating up the girl that whole.

[Gary Veder]

No, like, Cassie. Cassie. Cassie, yeah, Cassie. She's like. He would. He would have people there. It's a sex trafficking thing. He would have people there and they would finish on my chest, and he would be in the corner with a towel over his face, and then he would come over and then rub the cum on his chest.

[Mark Normand]

Sharon Stone, anytime you want to come on, they'd love to have you. It's an open door, open invite.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, I feel like this is a good time to plug some dates.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

What do you got, Mark? I got some stuff. Oh, should we open it on air?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, why not?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, open it while you plug in some stuff here.

[Gary Veder]

This is June 1st, you guys.

[Mark Normand]

Port Chester, going upstate. Oh, sorry. Rochester, New York. Coming to the Kodak Center. I haven't been to Rochester in years. Port Chester, upstate. Albany at the Egg. I love that Egg.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I love that one.

[Mark Normand]

What a great room. That one, I think is already almost sold out. And then Burlington, Vermont. I've been to Burlington since the comedy club days back in who knows when. Wausau, Wisconsin. Green Bay, Wisconsin. Eugene, Oregon. San. Hey.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, this is nice. A little Chopin vodka.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Is that from jmo? Hyannis, Connecticut, then Salem, then Australia.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Gary Veder]

Auckland, Melbourne, Sydney, Sydney. Bris.

[Sam Morril]

Going hard, buddy.

[Mark Normand]

Out of the show in Sydney. Yeah, come on by. Then we're going to do the Hamptons one night. Calgary with Adam Ray.

[Sam Morril]

That's cool. Cool.

[Mark Normand]

Las Vegas. I might see. I might go down to Skank Fest and nola. Dallas, a lot of show. We got nine shows in Dallas.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I'm gonna shoot an hour in October, so I'm, like, really prepping.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I get that.

[Mark Normand]

Akron, Dayton, Halifax.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, man, I love it.

[Mark Normand]

We added San Diego and D.C. oh.

[Sam Morril]

I just did a San Diego. I loved it.

[Mark Normand]

Great place.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I got Red bank, New Jersey, July 12th. I got Boston, Massachusetts. The Wilbur. August 7th. Irvine, California. The Improv. The 22nd through the 25th. We got Oklahoma City. The following weekend, the 26th through the 28th. Wait, what is it? 28th through the 30th. Yeah, that makes more sense. That's better. We got Vegas at the Venetian, September 19th. Can't wait for that. Rochester, New York, comedy at the Carlson. The 24th through the 25th through the 27th. You're going too quick for me, buddy. October 4th, the Chicago Theater. That's gonna be a great one. Then the next night, I got Winnipeg, Canada, at a casino. And then we got Salt Lake City. I just went there for a couple. Going back for more. Because we had a great time. November 14th through 16th and. Wait. Is that right? Yeah. I can't read. Oh. December 4th. Carnegie hall, baby. Start spreading the news. Love you guys. Practice being a retard for a long time. And we got Bodega Cat. Whiskey's making some news. I mean, we're crushing it right now. Comedy Store, shout out. Thank you. The Sunset Boulevardier at the Comedy Store.

[Mark Normand]

On the menu, baby.

[Sam Morril]

We're on the menu. And we love you guys for it. Thank you, Comedy. Comedy Store. I still can't get a spot there, but it's nice to know. No, it's nice to know. I appreciate it.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And wait.

[Mark Normand]

We're in a bunch of clubs.

[Sam Morril]

We're in a bunch of clubs. We're working on it. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So it's all gotta keep hustling. Tampa side splitters.

[Sam Morril]

Love it. Well, we'll see you guys on the road. We love you.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sorry. I didn't see this. What is this? A hat? It's apparently signed by Norm MacDonald. Oh, my God. To Brandon O.J. sam Simpson. Norm MacDonald. Wow. We'll hang this up on the wall, huh?

[Sam Morril]

That's fun.

[Mark Normand]

That's cool. Thanks. Poker hat.

[Sam Morril]

Keep. Keep listening, guys. We love you. And we'll see you next week.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah. Comedy Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of Piva. You know, the fear juice.

[Sam Morril]

Close.

[Mark Normand]

I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming.

[Sam Morril]

And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous.

[Mark Normand]

I'm out to lunch here in New.

[Sam Morril]

Orleans this woman doesn't look like I.

[Mark Normand]

Remember her And I get down in the same way.

[Sam Morril]

We might be driver.