Ep 237: Dolph Lundgren

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk – Episode 237: Dolph Lundgren

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Introduction

In Episode 237 of We Might Be Drunk, hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand dive into a lively conversation filled with comedy insights, celebrity anecdotes, and candid discussions. The episode features a special guest appearance by the legendary actor Dolph Lundgren, adding a unique dimension to the comedic dialogue.

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Recent Experiences at The Cellar

Mark Normand and Sam Morril kick off the episode by recounting their recent night out at The Cellar, a popular NYC venue.

• Meeting Adam Sandler:
  Sam Morril shares his excitement about bumping into Adam Sandler at The Cellar.
  Sam Morril [00:39]: "I bump into Liz. She goes, Adam Sandler's here. And I go, holy shit. The Sandman. Happy Gilmore, Billy Mays. Here we go."

• Impressions of Sandler:
  Mark Normand comments on Sandler's extensive resume and approachable demeanor.
  Mark Normand [00:56]: "You feel like a celebrity. He just feels like a regular dude."

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Celebrity Encounters: Carl Anthony Towns

The hosts transition to discussing their encounter with NBA star Karl-Anthony Towns.

• Interaction at The Cellar:
  Mark recounts introducing Towns to the hosts and their ensuing conversation.
  Mark Normand [03:13]: "We start chatting. He goes, old fashioned is my favorite drink. And looking at the menu, he's looking at the menu and he goes, and bodega cat is in it."

• Humorous Banter:
  Sam and Mark engage in playful jokes about the situation, highlighting the relaxed atmosphere.
  Sam Morril [04:24]: "And he went on and did new stuff. It was awesome."

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Host Banter and Comedy Bits

Sam and Mark engage in their trademark comedic banter, touching on various humorous topics.

• Armpit Hair and Personal Preferences:
  They humorously debate preferences about armpit hair, blending observational comedy with personal anecdotes.
  Mark Normand [08:22]: "Not a fan of the armpit hair on women."

• Gay Bar Experiences:
  The conversation shifts to experiences in gay bars, with jokes about inclusivity and societal norms.
  Sam Morril [07:58]: "I don't mind. At night, I'll sweat it all out, you know, just get out of the pool, go in the shower."

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Stand-Up Comedy Discussions

The hosts delve into humor derived from popular sitcoms and animated shows.

• Seinfeld and Family Guy Porn Parodies:
  They joke about the absurdity of fictional porn versions of classic shows.
  Mark Normand [15:44]: "The gang bang. Hello, Newman. It's great."

• The Simpsons and Animated Show References:
  Sam reminisces about iconic scenes and characters, blending nostalgia with comedy.
  Sam Morril [17:25]: "Maggie, what are we doing?"

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Interview with Dolph Lundgren

The highlight of the episode is an in-depth conversation with Dolph Lundgren, exploring his illustrious career and personal experiences.

• Early Career and Bond Movie Debut: Dolph shares his initial foray into acting, including his role in the Bond film "A View to a Kill."
  Dolph Lundgren [39:58]: "I played... if you blink, you miss me. That was my debut."

• Rocky IV and Relationship with Sylvester Stallone:
  Discussing his iconic role as Ivan Drago, Dolph reflects on his training and camaraderie with Stallone.
  Dolph Lundgren [37:01]: "We were training twice a day, six days a week... we became friendly."

• Creed 2 and Career Evolution:
  He elaborates on his role in "Creed 2," highlighting the personal significance and character development.
  Dolph Lundgren [50:23]: "I had a chance to resolve it kind of in a good way... it felt personal."

• Expendables and Collaborative Projects:
  Dolph discusses his involvement in "The Expendables" series, emphasizing the fun and dynamic cast.
  Dolph Lundgren [55:08]: "It was a full cast because it's so many badass, killer cast."

• Script Writing and Future Projects:
  He reveals his passion for writing and his upcoming project "Broken Leash," inspired by real-life incidents.
  Dolph Lundgren [62:15]: "It's based on a Lady Gaga incident... it's a remake of that one of the Seventh Seal."

• Personal Anecdotes and Experiences:
  Dolph shares stories from his time in New York, Studio 54, and encounters with other celebrities like Andy Warhol.
  Dolph Lundgren [42:06]: "I realized him and Grace were good friends... he was an interesting guy, very friendly and smart."

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Discussions on Liquor and Cocktails

The conversation naturally flows into discussions about liquor, cocktails, and creating drinks.

• Hard Cut Vodka:
  Dolph introduces his vodka brand, Hard Cut, discussing its high proof and potato-based composition.
  Dolph Lundgren [45:56]: "It's potato. Only about 11 to 3% of all vodkas in America are made from potato because it's American, from Idaho."

• Crafting a Martini:
  He demonstrates crafting a classic martini, highlighting the balance of flavors.
  Dolph Lundgren [46:39]: "So we're going to do three, seven and a half. It's a five to one martini, five parts vodka, one part vermouth."

• Taste and Preferences:
  The hosts express their appreciation for Hard Cut Vodka's smoothness and flavor profile.
  Mark Normand [48:10]: "Bodega. I lived in Spain for 10 years. I know bodegas."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with light-hearted remarks and well-wishes from the hosts to their guest, Dolph Lundgren.

• Upcoming Shows and Farewell:
  Mark and Sam share their upcoming tour dates, encouraging listeners to attend their performances.
  Mark Normand [74:06]: "I nailed it like that. It's delicious."

• Final Cheers:
  The hosts toast to their collaboration with Dolph, celebrating the episode's success.
  Sam Morril [75:38]: "You're the man. You're the coolest."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Adam Sandler Encounter:
  Sam Morril [00:39]: "I bump into Liz. She goes, Adam Sandler's here. And I go, holy shit. The Sandman. Happy Gilmore, Billy Mays. Here we go."

• Dolph Lundgren on Rocky IV:
  Dolph Lundgren [37:01]: "We were training twice a day, six days a week... we became friendly."

• Hard Cut Vodka Introduction:
  Dolph Lundgren [45:56]: "It's potato. Only about 11 to 3% of all vodkas in America are made from potato because it's American, from Idaho."

• Closing Toast:
  Sam Morril [75:38]: "You're the man. You're the coolest."

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Final Thoughts

Episode 237 of We Might Be Drunk offers a blend of comedic dialogue, personal stories, and an engaging interview with Dolph Lundgren. From memorable celebrity encounters to insightful discussions on acting and cocktail crafting, Sam Morril and Mark Normand create an entertaining and informative listening experience for comedy enthusiasts and fans alike.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

And we're back.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, we are here. We might be drunk. Whoo.

[Mark Normand]

This is gonna be a spicy one.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like not gonna get. Well, I guess they saw the thumbnail.

[Mark Normand]

They saw. They know he's coming.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. But, yeah, it's very exciting. He's not in yet, but he's on his way.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we're starting early. He's not late. I know people common when people are.

[Sam Morril]

Late, but he's not Jordan Jensen. Ing. He's just coming. Her coming on time. We're starting early.

[Mark Normand]

She might be more manly than he is. All right, we're off to a fun start. Look. What a night last night. The Cellar, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Show up, do some shows. I bump into Liz. She goes, adam Sandler's here. And I go, holy shit. The Sandman. Happy Gilmore, Billy Madd. Here we go. Opera man. Opera man.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, he's got a long list.

[Sam Morril]

He's got a list. Big daddy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's a weird third pickle arm. Water boy.

[Sam Morril]

Water boy. Remember the pickle arm?

[Mark Normand]

Not really.

[Sam Morril]

Pull up the pickle arm. This was when he was really like, I need a. I need a sketch. Quick alarm. Oh, yeah, it was a weekend update thing that didn't really take, but he had a. You know, he's got quite the resume. Obviously, he's Adam Sailor Sandman. Yeah. And so I run a show at the seller, and I was like, hey, Liz, can you get him on my show? And she was like, I already sent him over. And then I walk in. You're in there with him?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He asked me which room was good, and I said, for what you're doing, I would do McDougal and the lounge. Because he was like, you want intimate? Because you're doing.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Stuff that you're not confident in. Do. Like McDougal is low ceilings, intimate, and the lounge the same.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's so funny, that fucking setup. What? You can still hear clapping the other.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking Sandler face.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What are we doing here? It was all embarrassing fucking. But he's such a sweet guy. He's wearing a puffy jacket and basketball shorts and dirty sneakers, and he's got a fucking thick beard. And we go. You go, can he go next? I go, sure. I tell the guy, I give him a note. Adam Sandler gets called up, and then he goes, you're the man. And he taps me on the hand. That was great. There's pickle arm. And then he. And then he went on and did new stuff. It was awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was Fun, man.

[Sam Morril]

Super fun. Super cool to see. He might be the most likable celebrity. Yeah, he's so endearing.

[Mark Normand]

Feel like a celebrity. He just feels like a regular dude.

[Sam Morril]

Also, I tell you, the wife is so. She's like so attracted to him and she's like, the bad dressing is even hotter, but you have to be that famous to even it out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you just look like a piece of shit if you're not cool.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly. She doesn't say that about Salacus. I mean, look at this guy. This is like if you like. Like a four year old special needs kid in a. In a closet.

[Mark Normand]

But it's cool on him.

[Sam Morril]

But it works. It makes it work.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no hoop in those, like kind of Hawaiian polo, which I love.

[Sam Morril]

I love that Hawaiian polo. Yeah. What a hilarious combination. A Hawaiian polo.

[Mark Normand]

I love it, dude.

[Sam Morril]

I love it. He's the man.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was a fun night, dude. Carl Anthony Towns, seller the other night too.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, finally we get the story.

[Mark Normand]

So Carl Anthony Towns, the big man on the Knicks Bodega cat. That's his fucking nickname. So he walks in and Liz, the seller manager, is wearing a bodega cat shirt. And he goes, I love your shirt. And she goes, let me introduce you to someone.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no.

[Mark Normand]

So I'm on stage fucking around with Mateo and Will in the other room. And she's like, get off stage. I'm like, let me do one more joke. She's like, get the off stage. And I was like, all right.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

So Mateo's like, ooh, you're getting bitched around. I'm like, but she did me a solid. She's like, it's car Anthony Townes. I was like, okay.

[Sam Morril]

By the way, you guys on stage, a Jew, a black and a gay walk into a club.

[Mark Normand]

It's really like the college pamphlet Avengers, you know, but. So I'm talking to Liz, she pulls me over and Carl's at the bar and he's got his girlfriend or wife. I don't know if they're married, whatever, together. They're just chilling and we start chatting. Nick's. We start chatting. Wow. We're like breaking down each series. He's super cool. And then I'm like, can I give you something? And he goes, yeah. And Liz gives me a bottle of bodega cat to give him. And he goes, oh, my God, I love this. This is like amazing. And he goes, old fashioned is my favorite drink. And looking at the menu, he's looking at the menu and he goes, and bodega cat is in it.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. Did he do the Shibby?

[Mark Normand]

He did not do the show, of course. Mateo is like, he's so gay. He comes out, he goes, that guy's so gay. And I'm like, all right, settle. You think everyone's gay. He's like, yeah, but that guy is gay. Keep it down. He's with his wife.

[Sam Morril]

Gay guys think everyone's gay.

[Mark Normand]

They really think they can turn anyone.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Confident, you know, because they probably turned like one or two.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

I had a gay friend who used to like, take Ubers home.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know this guy, I don't want to say his name, but he said, uber's home, Joe.

[Sam Morril]

Listen.

[Mark Normand]

And he'd be like, do you wanna get jerked off to the driver? And it would work. Sometimes he would like, jerk off the driver. And I'd be like, what a weird. I'm like, do you tip on top of that? I feel like that's the tip, right?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, good question.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah. No, but he was cool as hell. And then as he. We talked for a while, I didn't wanna overdo it. And as he's walking out, he holds the bottle up, he goes, I'm bringing this on vacation. I'm so excited.

[Sam Morril]

Holy hell, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I wanna overdo it. Cause a lot of people were hanging after, but he ended up hanging till like three in the morning.

[Dolph Lundgren]

What?

[Mark Normand]

And I left. I wa. Leave on a high. But he was. He was very cool.

[Sam Morril]

Stupid question. Was this before or after the big Pacers ending?

[Mark Normand]

After, of course.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

He's not out like that.

[Sam Morril]

I was gonna say.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he was. I blame him for the loss.

[Mark Normand]

He. He actually was the best for us in that series. Oh, yeah, he was good. But I mean, it looks like your computer's not even loading you. What's going. Oh, there we go.

[Dolph Lundgren]

What?

[Mark Normand]

It's crazy, cuz after all that.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wait, I'm starting to get the Mato thing now. How tall are we talking?

[Mark Normand]

He's seven feet.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. Where is he from?

[Mark Normand]

Jersey.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, nice. All right, not too far.

[Mark Normand]

We got.

[Sam Morril]

What the hell is this? Peters, with your crazy.

[Mark Normand]

What do we do? 69 morel.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Bodega Cat. We might be drunk. What the hell? Did I get my size right? Large Canadian, too.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Norman.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, come on.

[Mark Normand]

Next step.

[Sam Morril]

Hell yeah. Boy, they're thick. This is heavy.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Card in the box.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Brooklyn Bodega Cat. Now, is this. I feel bad.

[Mark Normand]

Is this a real team Mark McDonald? No, there's no way this is a real.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, I was going to say, I don't Know him? Well, it will be after this.

[Mark Normand]

The Brooklyn Bodega Cat.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. Thank you. Whoever Mark McDonald is. What a guy.

[Mark Normand]

I love it. This is so cool.

[Sam Morril]

Unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Wear this while I. I'm going to wear while I jerk off in an Uber. Oh, wow.

[Mark Normand]

It was our gay friend who talked like snag, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Jerk off your dick.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But look, there's some guys out there who are like, I can turn any lesbian. Just give them one. Oh, I don't.

[Mark Normand]

I've never heard a guy say that. Maybe I can turn a lesbian.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I don't even think I can get a lesbian to enjoy a conversation with me. Turn a lesbian?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What are we talking about?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I've been to a lesbian bar. They're just like, what?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What are you doing here?

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Sam Morril]

Not very inclusive.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they're not.

[Sam Morril]

No, they're not.

[Mark Normand]

So why are we at the lesbian bar?

[Sam Morril]

Well, I mean, it's a free country. I'm dropping in for a cocktail after my long day of homophobia.

[Mark Normand]

There's a drink?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Any good names for lesbian bars?

[Sam Morril]

Well, I got the Mountain Guzzle Scissors. I had a whole bit about this. I can't remember it. Yeah. Clitz with a Z. Oh, Clitz with a Z was big. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. Thank you. I forgot about that. Yeah. They do not. We used to live in the Village when there was Cubbies.

[Mark Normand]

Cubby hole.

[Sam Morril]

Cubby hole.

[Mark Normand]

I've been there once.

[Sam Morril]

Great.

[Mark Normand]

I went by accident. I was like, oh, cubby hole. I'm like, then you're at the party, like, wait a second. Yeah, Cubby hole.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone here has armpit hair. What the hell? Pull up Cubbyhole. It's a cute little hole in the wall.

[Mark Normand]

Not a fan of the. The armpit hair on women.

[Sam Morril]

I'm not either.

[Mark Normand]

I know that you just want to be free and it's like hippie dippy. But it's like, sometimes you'll see the hottest girl and then she lifts it up and you're like, what the fuck?

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

I'd rather see a dick.

[Sam Morril]

I think this is controversial, but I'm with you. The armpit hair is.

[Mark Normand]

Is it controversial?

[Sam Morril]

Well, I mean, I don't know if men are allowed to have a preference, but we're allowed to have a preference.

[Mark Normand]

It's a free country.

[Sam Morril]

Tell my audience. But, like, my wife will be like, that's a handsome guy, but he's got a ponytail. That's out. He's out. So I'm like, okay, I feel the.

[Mark Normand]

Same way about the armpit ponytail is. It's a heat check, I guess. It's a real heat check. It's like you're getting so much ass. You're like, I'm going to go. It's like when Leonardo DiCaprio had like a man bond and you're like, oh, you're getting too much ass.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're just going to like be like, I'm just going to do this right.

[Sam Morril]

You can't be stopped.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Orlando Bloom would do. It's like, dude, getting too many chicks.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

We'll be like musicians.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I think you see a doctor with a ponytail, you get an accountant with a ponytail, you're like, what the fuck?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Oh, God. An accountant with a ponytail. That's. That's. No.

[Mark Normand]

Taking your money.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. That guy's a coke dealer.

[Mark Normand]

Heat check. Dying your armpit hair.

[Sam Morril]

Anal.

[Mark Normand]

It's just not my. No, it's a strange.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Mark Normand]

I offended our three female listeners, but, you know, not my thing.

[Sam Morril]

Not my thing. Not doing that. Not doing the ponytail. So.

[Mark Normand]

Not for me. It's gonna be a kink, though, for somebody.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, for sure.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. I don't think it's a kink. There's no maybe. People are okay with it. But there's no like, porn category. Chicks with armpit hair. Well, I mean, I guess. I guess you could find anything if you look for it.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. Oh, now I'm excited.

[Mark Normand]

I love how fucked up your Google search history is because of us.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Oh, there it is. It's just. All right. Well, now we're getting chicks with dicks. This is a whole different ball game. Yeah. All right. Yeah, but a chick with a dick usually has less armpit air. Weirdly, they usually shave it.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

I think so. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because the dick is like a misdirect. It's like a switch.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It's like when a realtor says, it's a two bedroom and you're like, this is a one bedroom convertible.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, what the hell? There's a chimney.

[Mark Normand]

You lied.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

No, it's. You're right, because they're feminine everywhere else.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

And then the penis is the surprise.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

If you're bi. If you're a bi, dude, that's the best of both worlds. You get the boobs, you get the femininity, and you get the railing of a dong.

[Mark Normand]

I'm with you, dude. You hear Billie Eilish is getting all this shit for Coming out as bi. Which. First off, you don't get to come out as bi.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You don't get to come out as. I'm cool with everything.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's not brave. That's, like, you're fortunate.

[Sam Morril]

Ooh.

[Mark Normand]

If you're gay, you're like, okay, well, I have. There's less people I get.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

But if you're bi, you get everyone.

[Sam Morril]

This is a bit. Maybe you don't get the cut. It's fortunate.

[Mark Normand]

You are fortunate. I mean, Woody Allen at the old bit, you've double your chance for a date on a. On a Saturday.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But if you were. If we were bi, we could be blowing each other and then do the show, and then we'd be living high on the hog.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I've noticed, like, Mateo has a lot of, like, friends. Like, he's like, I've hooked up with him, but we're cool now. And I'm like that. I have, like, no exes that I'm friends with. Are you friends with any exes?

[Sam Morril]

Not really. I mean, I'm cool. I'm cool hanging out with them.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Well, it's hard.

[Sam Morril]

It's hard.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Then the sexual tension, they. They hate you or whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Dudes look at sex as, I guess look, if you're just hooking up, it's different. Like, I guess he's probably not friends with any of his exes.

[Sam Morril]

Mm.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but, like, just hooking up, you know, who gives it? Yeah. Someone I just hooked up with, like, once.

[Sam Morril]

Well, have you seen the gay friends do Grindr? I mean, it's less like, oh, the gu. 600ft away. I'll be right back. And you're like, do it like Uber. Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Pulls up with a car, get in.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You could go on a date, get rejected, and be like, I'll my Uber driver on the ride home.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Think about that Uber driver sucking the guy's dick or jerking him off. Like, you rate him afterwards. Like, what rating do you give? You get. You got to go five going five.

[Sam Morril]

I go five without a jerk.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know what they need is you come and go.

[Mark Normand]

Five stars. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

They need Grinder and Uber to merge. So there's a gay Gruber. They need Gruber.

[Mark Normand]

But in New York. Grift in New York. That's tough.

[Sam Morril]

Why?

[Mark Normand]

Because I can't drive.

[Sam Morril]

But you're not gay.

[Mark Normand]

But I'm like, I know, but if I was gay, I'm like. I'm like, the bottom. I'm the guy who always needs the ride.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, well, I'm just saying, if you're. If I was a gay man and I wanted to drive a bunch of gay guys around as an Uber driver, it would be nice to have my own category.

[Mark Normand]

It is tough, though. So, wait, but you're the one getting jerked off. The driver's the one who gets jerked off. Oh. How many times can you get jerked off in a night? Yeah, that's the flaw in the technology right there.

[Sam Morril]

I'll take that challenge.

[Mark Normand]

You gotta pop a Viagra. And just. I was talking to an old guy the other day, and he goes. He goes, yeah, man. I just. You ever pop a Viagra? He's like, at a 60s. There's something at the gym. He's a guy I chat with, and he go. I go, no, you know, I've never done it. And he goes, you should. He goes, I had these two chicks. I just. I tore them apart. Cause I took Viagra. I just fucked them both. It was great. And I was like, oh, shit. I'm like, but it's like a drug. And he's like, no, it's not like a drug. He's like. But then, you know, he goes, but actually, one time, I. I didn't use it with a girl I was dating. She was like, what happened? I was like, yeah, it's a fucking drug, dude. You can't.

[Sam Morril]

Can't rely on it.

[Mark Normand]

You get dependent on it. That's my thing. I don't want to use Viagra until I need it. But I heard stories, like, Stavi's told me stories where he's, like, fucked like a superhero because.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Oh, it works. It works. By the way, I didn't know you were at P. Diddy's locker room. But I like the old guy, like, peddling. Hey, you got to get on it, man. He's trying to, like, get you a safe.

[Mark Normand]

Like, what investment do you have in my stock? It's gonna. Well, he's like. He's trying to help. I think. He's like, you should try it.

[Sam Morril]

All right. I mean, it does work.

[Mark Normand]

He recommends restaurants, too. He's not just talking.

[Sam Morril]

You guys have an intimate relationship.

[Mark Normand]

We have conversations.

[Sam Morril]

This is pretty nice. You got, like, a father figure locker room talk. All right, well, it works. Blue, Jewish, all that shit. It's unreal. But you do have to use it sparingly.

[Mark Normand]

How much have you used it?

[Sam Morril]

I've used it as a. We got free bluechew for all the podcasts. So I'd be like, I didn't get.

[Mark Normand]

Did I get It.

[Sam Morril]

My other pod. Oh, yeah. We get. We get a ton of Blue Chew. And so you'll be like, well, let me try it. I'm on vacation with the wife. And then we're banging on the balcony. You're banging in the car.

[Mark Normand]

Do you really bang on the balcony?

[Sam Morril]

We have. Yeah, That's.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Sam Morril]

I see a balcony. I got a bang on it.

[Mark Normand]

I know. Not in New York. There's too many windows.

[Sam Morril]

That's their problem.

[Mark Normand]

If they remade Rear Window, they would just. You'd have to have people just, like, fucking.

[Sam Morril]

I've got full. If I was on the Titanic where that scene, I would be inside of her just saying, yeah, I guess it.

[Mark Normand]

Is cool to fuck. I've never done it. What? I've never fucked on a balcony, I don't think. Maybe in a hotel balcony. Yeah, but no, yeah, it's. No, it is. It is. What are you doing?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Titanic porn. Nice. Nothing wrong with that. There's a porn for everything now. Simpsons, Seinfeld, everything.

[Mark Normand]

Seinfeld porn is weird.

[Sam Morril]

It's weird. Elaine Kramer slides in.

[Mark Normand]

What's the deal with Bukaki?

[Sam Morril]

You done there, buddy?

[Mark Normand]

The gang bang. Hello, Newman.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, they won't let George in the orgies. Like, George is getting upset. Hello, Newman. It's great.

[Mark Normand]

Ladies, on with our guest right now.

[Sam Morril]

Being like, don't show Matt.

[Mark Normand]

That's a clip right there. Seinfeld porn.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Put it side by side with the porn, if you don't mind.

[Mark Normand]

Seinfeld. Yeah, let's get some of those picks. Yeah, fam. I've seen the Family Guy porn. I haven't watched it, but I've seen the thumbnail. Yeah, Lois being nasty.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Lois looks great of Joe in.

[Mark Normand]

The wheelchair not being able to get it up. Simpsons porn is weird too, because that was, like, my childhood.

[Sam Morril]

I know I was a little older.

[Mark Normand]

When Family Guy came out, but Marge is like. That's like. That's like our mom right there.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's.

[Sam Morril]

Fuck. I know, I know. It's crazy. There's Quagmire going to town. Oh, wait, now we got inset. His son is involved.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That's too much.

[Sam Morril]

This is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Mo could be banging Molly.

[Sam Morril]

Flanders is a hunk. He's ripped mustache. Forget about it. Oh, why the mom son thing?

[Mark Normand]

And Bart is an adult there too. Yeah, that's the problem with this.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, not the mom of the settling. It's a cartoon porn, and I'm upset about the character.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus, Maggie, what the are we doing?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. I'm into this too much.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Maggie's used to having something in her mouth, I'll say that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What is happening?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, hey, Milhouse's mom.

[Mark Normand]

That was one of the best episodes.

[Sam Morril]

The Divorce.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I love what? I love just that ending where he's like, come on. What do you say we give it one more shot? She's like, no.

[Sam Morril]

Can I borrow a feeling that was. Oh, yeah. The Sims has made sadness so funny. Like, every time they were sad, it was really well done. Like, Mo is the saddest man on the plan. Like, my favorite Simpson joke of all time is, who shot Mr. Burns? They got Mo on the lie detector. And I go, where were you on Saturday night? He's like, I had a hot date. Dinner with friends. Dinner alone. All right. I was ugly. The women in the Playboy at Sears catalog.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they have level. I mean, you're talking good, sad jokes. That Milhouse episode had such good jokes. The dad showing off his new bachelor pad to Homer. I sleep in a race car bed. Do you sleep in a race car bed? He goes, no, I sleep in a big bed with my wife.

[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

RocketMoney.com Truck Summer is here, and Chubby's has their biggest sale of the year going get shorts and swim trunks are just 45 bucks and up to 65% off select gear. Their original stretch shorts are awesome. I love their stretch pants, too. Available in three different lengths and have a relaxed fit, an elastic waistband so you can shotgun a beer or five and not really worry. Pair them with Chubby's Performance Polos and you'll be all set pretty much for any summer occasion. Hey, I love these pants. I always get compliments on them.

[Sam Morril]

Me, too.

[Mark Normand]

They are stretchy, they fit your leg, but they're comfy.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. They also have great jackets, great shirts, great polos. They just sent me a bunch of stuff. I got a bucket hat. I love chubbies.

[Mark Normand]

Chubby, send me some more stuff. I'd like some. I'm wearing the stuff you sent me. Send some more over here.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wealth over here. Chubby.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. There you go. Get a Hawaiian shirt.

[Mark Normand]

Don't love a Hawaiian shirt.

[Sam Morril]

There. They got them in spades, so don't.

[Mark Normand]

Wait for a very limited time. Shop Chubby's biggest sale of the year for $45 shorts and up to 65% off select gear. Hit up Chubby's shorts.com and grab your favorites before they're gone. Miss the sale? Don't sweat it. Use our code drunks for 20% off. Support the show, let them know we sent you, and get ready to turn some heads. Summer's here. Dressed like it in Chubbies.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Remember how blown away you were when you found out Bart was a lady? I was blown away. I couldn't believe it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Some of those voice actors, you ever meet them in person and they just start doing a voice. You're like, oh, my. How does that sound come out of your face?

[Sam Morril]

I know they had a panel on Conan or Letterman where it was like, Dan Castellaneta, whatever the name is. Harry Shearer. Harry Shearer. Hank Azaria. Forgot the lady's name. Voorhees or something.

[Mark Normand]

Julie Cast. No, Julie Katner Kavner.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. There you go. Yeah, that. That was crazy. And they just do this shit from home now and they get a paycheck.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you just build a little. They probably have mansions. They build a little sound room in there.

[Sam Morril]

Nancy Cartwright. That's it.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Julie Kavner. Is she. Whoa. Yeardley Smith. That's her name. She was in a couple Woody Allen movies.

[Mark Normand]

That's right. Which ones? Hen and Her Sisters.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, yes. Crazy voice, crazy face. She was also on a show called Herman's Head, which is old school.

[Mark Normand]

Damn you.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Fuck you.

[Mark Normand]

You run deep.

[Sam Morril]

I watched a lot of TV growing up. My dad was scary. I would Just hide in the upstairs and turn on the old boob tube. There it was.

[Mark Normand]

As opposed to Norman's head, which can be seen on his balcony.

[Sam Morril]

Or an Uber. Yeah, yeah, Gruber.

[Mark Normand]

The jerking off of the Uber really is incredible.

[Sam Morril]

Those Uber drivers, the shit they see. I mean, like, drunk women climbing on top of them after going out and, like, puking in the car. And the phone calls they hear.

[Mark Normand]

Taxis are worse tax. In a world with no ratings, it is the Wild West.

[Sam Morril]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Certain people are. I mean, of course you still behave badly in Uber if you're that type of person, but I mean, the rating system. You ever meet someone with a bad rating on Uber?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Should we look up a rating?

[Sam Morril]

Luis Gomez, what's your rating? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna guess. I've never looked, but I'm gonna say it's like a four.

[Mark Normand]

That's not. But it's for what, though?

[Sam Morril]

Four point something, I'm guessing.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. I wonder if I'm bad. Let's see.

[Sam Morril]

All right, hang on.

[Mark Normand]

Let's see our Uber scores.

[Sam Morril]

What do you got?

[Mark Normand]

The Mirage had a book on who killed Mr. Burns.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I love that.

[Mark Normand]

This could have been like, the best insider trading ever.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Simpsons writer, he's like, dude, put a mill on Maggie. We're keeping it in the app.

[Sam Morril]

That's what put Pelosi on the map. She was all over Maggie. Okay, I got. Where do I go? Oh, 4.88.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I'm a 4.67. I gotta start.

[Sam Morril]

Blow a couple guys next week.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, dude, I jerked a couple dudes off. I'm up to a point. 4.70. I'm rocking.

[Sam Morril]

You blow enough guys, you'll be at like, six. Blew past the five. Wow, that's crazy. That really brought the country together. I mean, I was like, prime age for this. And it was like. This was like the who Shot Junior? This was our version of that. And, man, this like, swept this and the McDonald's monopoly.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, that game got me fat.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

I thought I was gonna get Boardwalk dude. Nah, I wanted that.

[Sam Morril]

Cool mill.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, all you get is a McFlurry. And then you just keep getting. You're like, free McFlurry. Like, no, I'm fatter.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

I'm a little second grader with bitch tits.

[Sam Morril]

We kept chasing that high, though. Remember? You buy the fries. You're like, come on, baby. You're like a crackhead. Peeling that thing off.

[Mark Normand]

That was veg.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

Unhealthy. The kids Looked like they were shaking. I'm like, come on, Atlantic Avenue.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's Rascal scooters and cigarettes for.

[Mark Normand]

Those who are too old to get this. McDonald's used to do a Monopoly game, and the grand prize was a million dollars if you got Park Place and Boardwalk. Guess what Boardwalk was? Fucking. I don't even think one existed. No, there were a lot of park places to get you going back, but there were other prizes. There was like, a Jet Ski. You could get, like.

[Sam Morril]

You know, there was a documentary on Netflix about this.

[Mark Normand]

It was addictive. And McDonald's is already addictive. You can't add gambling on top of what is for a kid, already the most addictive shit.

[Sam Morril]

But genius marketing. Hey, buy more food so you can get the tickets to get the places. I mean, it was genius.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I was hooked on it, man. And McDonald's as a kid, Is there anything better?

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Is that still for kids? Number one, I guess. What do you think the number one fast food is?

[Sam Morril]

That's a good question. I think it's kicked up a notch with, like, Shake Shack in n out. And you know what's big now is Cane's.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, Canes. And Chick fil a is big.

[Sam Morril]

Chick fil a is big, too. The fast food is just kind of, like, leveled up because we eat, like, chicken tenders, man.

[Mark Normand]

When you're a kid.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, it's the best.

[Mark Normand]

Or McDonald's Nuggets, so you get those extra sauces. You're fucking. You're living.

[Sam Morril]

But don't you walk by McDonald's, there's a hobo in there. There's a crazy guy with the crown on his head jerking off. And you're like, this is. This is. This is low class. But you see a chick fil A, it's clean. There's like a Christian blonde lady behind the counter going, how y' all doing? You know, it just feels. And Shake Shack's got beer and custards and concretes. It just feels like they. They kicked it up a notch.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think kids care as much about Shake Shack. I think, like, the McDonald's marketing, where you, like, you get a toy. Yeah. Even if it's a shitty toy, the toy is big. I get something. But I wonder. I wonder, because movies aren't as big now, I guess certain movies. But, like, back in the day, like, you get a Ghostbuster. There was like, something that you're like, oh, I like that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They partnered with the. Right. When they did the Space Jam promotion, I was like, Holy shit. I get a Michael Jordan.

[Sam Morril]

Like, oh, yeah, right, right. That's true. Yeah. They had superheroes. They had everything.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And they had a Playland that was.

[Mark Normand]

That was fucking the best.

[Sam Morril]

You have that Manhattan, you got a play.

[Mark Normand]

No, but, like, I'd been to a suburban McDonald's. It is legit. Yeah, no, there might be. It might have been like, one in Manhattan. There weren't a lot.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And they. I mean, talk about a germ infested zone.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God, it's gross.

[Mark Normand]

Those kids, like, freak off. Discovery Zone. What are the ones that are like, what's the big one?

[Sam Morril]

Not, like, showbiz pizza. Chuck E. Cheese.

[Mark Normand]

Chuck E. Cheese.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's where it's the rat.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who was like, this is our mascot.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good idea.

[Mark Normand]

Vermin. Let's fucking. Let's get a cockroach for our other location.

[Sam Morril]

There's, like, remnants of pizza everywhere. And the mascot is a giant rat. Remember the Mad Men episode where he's trying to help me? Conrad Hilton.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

And he goes, what do you think of this? I made it, Don. And Don goes, I don't want to see a mouse at a hotel. And I was like, there you go. And that's what this is.

[Mark Normand]

God damn, he was smooth.

[Sam Morril]

He was good. So good.

[Mark Normand]

You and I send each other Mad Men clips.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

That's like a. Because my feed will just get like, those moments and I just. That show just fucking rules.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's. He's the cool. And then Sterling was funny. So you got. You got the cool Draper and the funny Sterling.

[Mark Normand]

Great one liners, man. Yeah. I need a new show, man. I gotta watch. I gotta watch that. There's a couple things I gotta watch, but I still haven't even want. I gotta give severance, like, a real shot.

[Sam Morril]

I tried.

[Mark Normand]

It's too.

[Sam Morril]

Too smart and too moody for me.

[Mark Normand]

Gotta get past three episodes. I know it's hard, but get past the third episode, it starts picking up. But aren't you sick of hearing that?

[Sam Morril]

I know, I know.

[Mark Normand]

It's tough. That's like.

[Sam Morril]

You don't do that with dating. Yeah, go on four. The fourth date, then you're gonna really start to be attracted to her. Come on.

[Mark Normand]

You're so right.

[Sam Morril]

But Landman was pretty good. And Mob Land, everybody's saying, is good.

[Mark Normand]

What's Mob Land?

[Sam Morril]

That's the new Tom Hardy, Guy Ritchie joint.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's fun.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I love Guy Ritchie. So I'm trying to start that Pierce Brosnan. Hey, good group. What's that other lady forgot her name. Helen Mirren. No. Is that her? Okay. Ray Cans, but yeah. So these are the hot shows everybody's talking about. I think there's a new one out now.

[Mark Normand]

I got a movie rec for you.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, please.

[Mark Normand]

Old French noir. Le Samurai.

[Sam Morril]

Le Samurai.

[Mark Normand]

Have you seen it?

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

There was a Criterion Flash sale. I like buying some of those DVDs. So I see it playing all over town in the old movie, like, film form and stuff. So. Yeah. Alain Delon, the French studio.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He was, like, the handsome dude back then. He played Ripley and, like, the.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

And. Yeah. And I just saw it everywhere, so I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna buy it. I bet it looks cool.

[Sam Morril]

It looks really cool.

[Mark Normand]

And then I just ran to Andy Haynes at the comedy seller, and he was like. We were talking noir, and he goes, my number one is Le Samurai. So I was like, I just bought it. I'm watching it tomorrow.

[Sam Morril]

Holy shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So I thought it was gonna be a samurai movie.

[Mark Normand]

I had Santino over. We were gonna watch it, but I hadn't seen him forever.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So we ended up just talking all day, but then my other friend came over, and we watched it. My friend Chase. And it's. It's badass.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah. Cool.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, nailed it.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, yeah. But it's. It's cool, man. It's a cool movie. Yeah. Like that type. I haven't seen that, but I think it's that type of vibe.

[Sam Morril]

By the way, Santino could talk, huh? He's like the. He's like a real gift of gab.

[Mark Normand]

He's like. He's like. Yeah, he can just go and. But also, when you. Those buddies you don't see for a while. Yeah, we're just gonna talk. I end up getting lunch with him at Veselka. Then we just took a walk, and then we just came over. We just, like, hung, like, the whole day. It was, like. It was fun.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. That's the best.

[Mark Normand]

He's a fun hang, man.

[Sam Morril]

That is good stuff. Yeah. That is pre kid stuff, when you got that day to just kill.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I saw him at the Cellar the night before, and he was like, what are you doing tomorrow? I'm doing nothing. Let's fuck it. One of those. We're like, let's hang. Love a good day, hang.

[Sam Morril]

Love a good day, hang. Especially spontaneous like that. That just keeps going. That's the best.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we're having fun.

[Sam Morril]

Some good shit talking. I take little shit talking a little, you know. Yeah. LA is good for that's why la. You go to LA and, you know, I don't want to live there. But, like, you know, you're out in a coffee shop, you meet a guy, you see a guy, you walk around, you go to the beach. You really kind of have some freedom in la.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. We're at Veselka, which is, like, one of my favorite spots in the city, obviously. Ukrainian diner, OG great New York spot. And one of the cooks recognizes Santino from the show. Dave sends over a free plate of pierogi. Hey, you're all right, kid.

[Sam Morril]

Not too shabby.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, not bad.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. All you LA get queefs. Come on out here.

[Mark Normand]

I think he'll move here eventually.

[Sam Morril]

I think so.

[Mark Normand]

He feels New York wants it.

[Sam Morril]

Chicago.

[Mark Normand]

Chicago people feel New York.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I know it's in the middle, but you're more like us.

[Sam Morril]

Also, your house is burned down. You know, the fires, the raids, the riots. Get over here.

[Mark Normand]

The raids, the. Yeah, yeah. Like, the open micrs are paid protesters there. Now it's a whole.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Like, hey, a gig's a gig.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we got ice here, too. Get over here. I'm trying to get away from it all. I'm trying to live more. Ari is moving out of country. He brought a hot tub to my house. I'm getting in that puppy tonight.

[Mark Normand]

I'm excited for a hot tub in June.

[Sam Morril]

I know. I don't mind.

[Mark Normand]

Great gift. Get you a cold plunge in January.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good point.

[Mark Normand]

Who wants a hot tub? And it's, like, 80 degrees, dude.

[Sam Morril]

That's true, but I don't mind. At night, I'll sweat it all out, you know, Just get out of the pool, go in the shower, and with.

[Mark Normand]

A breeze, it's nice. You got to set up that cold plunge, dude.

[Sam Morril]

I know, I know. I'm running out of room.

[Mark Normand]

You got that whole outdoor area.

[Sam Morril]

I know, but I like having the grass. I want to. I still want the green.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but you got the underpass thing, don't you?

[Sam Morril]

That's where the hot tub is.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, damn.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Can you put the cold plunge indoor?

[Mark Normand]

You could, I guess, but I wouldn't.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

All right. Gotta set that thing up. Peters, how about I task Rabbit you? I'll pay us 16 bucks, you come over and put the thing together. These taskrabbits are nice. We just hired a guy. I bought an armoire from, like, you know, IKEA or one of those places, and I couldn't. The directions, I couldn't find them. I hired a guy, this Asian guy. Came over, put it together without directions. Just played with it, figured it out, hung up all my photos, cleaned my AC vents and the whole thing was like a hundred bucks bucks. Rich mark, huh?

[Mark Normand]

Hire real people to do this.

[Sam Morril]

I know, but I feel guilty.

[Mark Normand]

Real people, what are Asian?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that was wrong with you. No, no, that's.

[Mark Normand]

Keep that in. That stays. For sure.

[Sam Morril]

Real people.

[Mark Normand]

The agent guy's a girl.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, he's fading. Like back to the future. Oh, what are you doing?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, is he coming? Jesus Christ. What do we say? Damn the fucking traffic in this area. We got to get out of Times Square, man.

[Sam Morril]

Well, he can't walk here. That's probably. He looks like that. He's 6 5. He's a tall Swedish blonde. God, can't walk. No, I'm saying he can't go out in public.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

He'll be mobbed.

[Mark Normand]

You think so?

[Sam Morril]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. People recognize us. Yeah, they gotta recognize fucking one of the expendables.

[Mark Normand]

But he's an older guy now. Maybe it's not as bad.

[Sam Morril]

That's true, that's true. But six, five and blonde? I don't care who you are, you're turning a head.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Look at Bridget Nielsen. If I saw her walk down the street, I. I would turn.

[Mark Normand]

Also from the movie. They're married, right?

[Sam Morril]

What? They were married? Get the out of here. I gotta ask about all this vagina he's slayed cuz these women are 7ft tall.

[Mark Normand]

He killed Apollo Creed too.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's right.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Can't believe I wanna. Let me double check that.

[Sam Morril]

They must have been in a room together.

[Mark Normand]

No, she's in the movie.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, okay. Wow. Look at that. Can you believe she fucked Flavor Flav? How did that. That is crazier than anything that's ever like a Kanye Elon. And trump the fact that she dated Flavor Flav. Unreal.

[Mark Normand]

It's very strange.

[Sam Morril]

It's like a simulation. Look at that. This, this like crazy stunning blonde lady who's seven feet tall dated this.

[Mark Normand]

I wish we could have seen how they would have bred.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

What do they make together?

[Sam Morril]

That's a great question. I think a Ewok. I have no idea.

[Mark Normand]

But damn, Anna Nicole Smith was hot, dude. Jesus. I know. That's not a hot take. I said like that was. Wow, she was attractive. The lady who literally.

[Sam Morril]

Well, she was the epitome of like big blonde bombshell.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ.

[Sam Morril]

But the. The pills. My God, the pills.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, pills. They'll get you.

[Sam Morril]

They'll get you eventually. Tell that To David Sachs. What's his. No, Sackler. Sackler family.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, dude.

[Sam Morril]

They're hurting everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Rich family, Flavor Flav.

[Sam Morril]

Not much talent with the guy. He was just kind of eccentric.

[Mark Normand]

He's a hype man.

[Sam Morril]

He's a hype man. The horns, the clock.

[Mark Normand]

He's pretty good, though, man.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Public Enemy was legit.

[Sam Morril]

I was more of an NWA guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. More hits, for sure.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. What's the Public Enemy hit?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Harder than you think. They got some fucking bangers, dude.

[Sam Morril]

That's a good bluechew ad.

[Mark Normand]

Harder than you think.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. And if you throw your boner in public, your Public Enemy.

[Mark Normand]

So your first thing he said was, you saw. You knew Richard Pryor.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Little bit, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, I ran into him a couple of times because I met him with Grace Jones. I used to date her.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And I ran into him in New York early on, and then I ran into him later in his career when he was in pretty bad shape. I met him at some premiere, and he was either in the wheelchair. I think he had Ms. Yeah, he had Ms. Yeah. And he had that incident where I think his. I ain't told me. I think my crack pipe blew up my face.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. He's free basing.

[Mark Normand]

He had the famous bit, the last joke in Live at the Sunset Strip, you know, lights a match. What do you call this? Richard Pryor running down the street.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, right, right. That was. That was back before he had a scandal and then he talked about it. So you had to watch his special because you're like, I gotta hear about it now. Like the Chris Rock Slap or whatever it is now. That's pretty normal.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, but he was. He was a sweet guy, you know, really super friendly. I remember, you know. Yeah, Very, very, very friendly. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Cool, dude. He went into movies, too.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I was in her show once.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

She is subbed for Johnny Carson.

[Sam Morril]

Yep.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

The Tonight show with Joan Rivers.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Then they had a falling out.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they did?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. She started her own show.

[Mark Normand]

She had her own show.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He was a competitive guy. Look at that. There's you. Whoa, whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that jacket, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Looking good.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that. Listen to the ladies.

[Sam Morril]

Damn, I agree with them.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Why didn't you have more loans? Why don't you ask L. Such a kid, man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

So innocent. There's such a difference between, like, my real personality and. Ivan Drago was, of course, 180, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Keep Any smiling in the movie, it would have killed it.

[Mark Normand]

But did you ever just break, though? Or you ever just like.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah, for sure, but not on camera. But no, but of course, camera, for sure. Yeah. No, I felt I was really. I remember, you know, I knew Stallone very well because I worked with him for six months. You know, we were training twice a day, six days a week. Waits in the morning at nine for an hour, and then we're boxing for two hours in the afternoon, you know, so, you know, you're in the ring, your bare chested, throwing each other around. So I was kind of got pretty close to him, even though he was, you know, I was a fan of, of his. But I mean, we became friendly, but. And he knew my character because I had a. I did a screen test for it when I played that kind of. That sort of very stoic Russian guy and. But you know Carl Weathers?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I only met him like a day before we shot the fight, you know, Drago versus Apollo Creed. And that was in Vegas, so he didn't know me. And that was in character, so I could tell he was checking me out. Here's this big Swedish guy, looks deadly, you know, no smiles, nothing. So he was. When he was backpedaling in the ring, that was real, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It wasn't acting, you know. So.

[Sam Morril]

Man.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, it was a fun. It was a good experience.

[Sam Morril]

What was first? This or he.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Man, Rocky was first. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Boy. So that just changed your whole life.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, I did. It did. Actually, I was in a small movie before that called A View to a Kill, the Bond movie. I was on the set with Grace. She played the kind of bad girl, Chris Walken. So I met him and.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And one day somebody was missing, you know, One of the stunt guys didn't show, so they gave me a part in the picture and I played. I would have a scene with Chris Walken and Grace. But I don't say anything. I'm just there with a gun, basically. If you blink, you miss me. That was my debut.

[Sam Morril]

So you had to date her. There's not a lot of Grace Joneses in Sweden, I assume.

[Dolph Lundgren]

No, no, that's true. Yeah. And the funny thing is I was a chemical engineering student, right?

[Sam Morril]

Mit.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Mit. So my dad thought I was going to mit and I had a fool by scholarship, but I sort of had quit. Right.

[Mark Normand]

And I was studying at your parents. Like. Are you insane?

[Dolph Lundgren]

No, no. But they didn't know because I couldn't tell my dad, you know, it was. I just, you Know, because it wasn't like before. It was before iPhones and such. So, you know, we spoke on the phone maybe every three or four months, right? And he said, how's school? And I could, without lying, say, school's great, because I was studying acting. And then he was, you know, he is a businessman in Sweden. One morning he comes home and one afternoon he comes home after work and gets the, you know, evening paper and opens. And there's a shot of. Of Grace Jones at Studio 54 with her. Her new boyfriend, you know, her toy boy, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, boy.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And it was this guy in leather pants, snow shirt, sunglasses, and it was me. And I think my dad was like, what the hell happened? You know, So I had to tell him. Yeah, I had to tell him, well.

[Sam Morril]

You can go to MIT and still go to Studio 54.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, you could. You could.

[Sam Morril]

But I guess that guy, that ain't no PhD.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You can see I've had a little too something there.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And, yeah, 54 was interesting because it was. There were no bottle services, nothing like that. You paid 20 bucks and you were in, you know, to do what you want.

[Mark Normand]

And the drugs were just everywhere, right?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Drugs, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Sex and drugs everywhere.

[Mark Normand]

When you walked in there, did you walk in there only as a. As a guy in a relationship, or did you go there as a single guy as well?

[Dolph Lundgren]

No, only as a guy in a relationship. So I was very innocent. And I was just looking around going, what the hell? You know, I was seeing all this stuff going down, but I was pretty. I was, you know, I was faithful to Grace and we were in love, so I didn't mess around. But sure.

[Mark Normand]

What about Warhol? Was he.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Did you see Warhol was a cool guy? Yeah, I met him separate one day. I was. One night I was at a club, Club A. It was a Club A, I think, and she wasn't there. And some little guy comes up and takes a picture on me with his Instamatic, you know, camera. And what are you famous for? And I'm like, nothing, as far as I know. And he's like, I'll put you in my magazine. Anyway, it was him. And then I realized him and Grace were good friends. And he would go to the Factory and she would be. Maybe he would take pictures of her, but I would walk around behind, you know, in the back area where he had all his. His. All his artwork and stuff stashed away, man. Yeah, he was. He was an interesting guy, you know, very friendly and smart. I mean, sure, I saw that documentary oh, yeah. That's the picture my dad saw. I think that was. I think that's the one. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, dad, that's my teacher.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

There's my chemical engineering student. Fulbright scholar.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

There he is on the left.

[Mark Normand]

Left. How did you land on that outfit? That's a crazy look.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, if you look like that.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I think it was Grace, you know, I like the gloves. The leather gloves kind of makes it work.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, man, I'd love to watch you, too. Have.

[Dolph Lundgren]

The rubber leather gloves. Just like, the touch. Yeah, that's. That was cool.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. That was in Paris. We were in Paris, and I carried her up the staircase there at some premiere. It was fun.

[Sam Morril]

Where's she from?

[Dolph Lundgren]

She's from Jamaica.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Dolph Lundgren]

She grew up here. Her dad was a minister up upstate New York.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And then she lived in Paris when she was younger. She spoke fluent French. And, you know, very, very nice lady. You know, obviously it was, you know, I met David Bowie, Michael Jackson. All these characters sort of influenced me to try to perhaps maybe I thought chemical engineering was not as attractive anymore. I thought maybe the show business could be good. And I used to act when I was younger. So I took some acting lessons, and then I went up for some movies, and I ended up landing a part in the Rocket Picture, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Because I was also European heavyweight champion in karate. So I had the moves. And like, Slice says you can't teach someone to fight, you know, so it's like, you gotta know there's not enough time to teach somebody to move well. So I. Yeah, I had it for a big white guy. Great white hope. I had a move, you know, so it worked well for the picture.

[Mark Normand]

Was anyone in the street where they'd recognize you for Rocky 4 mad at you for killing Creek?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Especially uptown, you know what you kill.

[Sam Morril]

The brother for, right?

[Dolph Lundgren]

I was in trouble up there, you know, Stay in my limo. You know, this is the 80s, you know. Stay in the limo.

[Mark Normand]

You pull out Grace, you're like, no, I'm cool. That's right. I'm chilling.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That saved me, you know. That saved me. You know, I'm still. I still got. I got some. Some points for that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I saved my ass.

[Mark Normand]

Did you fight this guy for the championship?

[Sam Morril]

It's a little unfair fight at all.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, you mean that the guy. Yeah, yeah, that guy on the right. Yes, I fought him. Nice guy. But, you know, I think he got pretty badly knocked out. I think so. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

This looks like I felt sorry for him.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I was not a mean Person. I just, I just had to win, you know? Know.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. It looks like Nazi propaganda. White man winning against the disgusting ground.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Should we try your. Should we try your vod?

[Sam Morril]

Get the hooch.

[Mark Normand]

Stay on Mike while you do it. Here, make us a drink with your.

[Sam Morril]

Tell us what we got here.

[Mark Normand]

Hard cut vodka. It's. It's 45% alcohol.

[Sam Morril]

No more than that. Huh?

[Dolph Lundgren]

45, man. Okay, so that's 90 vodka.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Sam Morril]

90 proof.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's my. So let's see. We're going to do three, seven and a half. Yeah. So it's a, it's high proof vodka.

[Sam Morril]

Woo, baby.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It's potato.

[Sam Morril]

Nice.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And only about 11 to 3% of all vodkas in America are made from potato because.

[Mark Normand]

So it's an American vodka.

[Dolph Lundgren]

American. From Idaho. Potato. Idaho potatoes.

[Sam Morril]

Hell yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Hell yeah, man. Idaho potatoes and Rocky Mountain water.

[Sam Morril]

Nice day.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Or rock.

[Mark Normand]

Sounds healthy.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Rocky four mile water. Let's see. I gotta keep the recipe in my head. So yeah, I do a five to one martini, five parts vodka, one part of vermouth. Oh, that's the right vermouth too.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Dolph Lundgren]

She sewed three times. Yeah, I know, I know. Finally.

[Mark Normand]

This is the MIT dropout speaker.

[Dolph Lundgren]

My dad will be proud of me now.

[Sam Morril]

Oh yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Use my skills.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, this is exciting. I'm going to Helsinki in a month.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, you guys.

[Sam Morril]

Oh yeah. Doing some shows over there.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

Pretty excited.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You like to drink already?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, quick stint.

[Mark Normand]

I just, I did Sweden last year. I played Stockholm. Very cool.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's not Helsinki. Stockholm.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, you go to stock. You're going to.

[Mark Normand]

I went there last year.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I, I didn't get to spend a ton of time there, but yeah, the crowd was awesome. I, I had a great time.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It is a fun place. We're going in a couple of weeks. Next week over. Sorry, I'm just looking at my wife over there. She's from Norway.

[Mark Normand]

Norway too.

[Sam Morril]

Norway's great. You seem too, too bubbly to be from Norway. I've been there before. It's a lot of gray scowls, a lot of reindeer.

[Mark Normand]

I mean they eat whale over there. Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

What could be a little bit diluted now? Because the ice is a bit. I mean it's been sitting for a while. But let's see here.

[Sam Morril]

I like a little, A little ice belt, little dilution. Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

So it's overproof. 90 proof. So that means it actually holds the ice pretty well.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Dolph Lundgren]

When it gets diluted with ice because it has high 45 ABV, it's it kind of.

[Sam Morril]

It.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It makes for a pretty good cocktail.

[Mark Normand]

We have a whisk, you know, way.

[Sam Morril]

More already than we do about ours.

[Mark Normand]

Sure. Yeah. This is our. We have our whiskey. A bodega cat.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, you do?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, take a look.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Bodega cat.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Bodega. I lived in Spain for 10 years. I know bodegas. Okay, let's see everything. There you go, sir. You go, guys.

[Sam Morril]

Gracias.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Now I cancel my afternoon meeting so I can have a drink.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

The only problem with the cocktail, these olives. Not supposed to have the chili in it because it kind of takes over, but.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, okay.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Anyway, screw it.

[Sam Morril]

Screw it. I'll take mine out.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's delicious, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's so smooth.

[Mark Normand]

That is incredible, man.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You like it, right? Yeah, it's pretty good, right? Yeah, it's very smooth. Potato. So potato means there's starch here, and it has more. Like all the other vodkas. Belvedere, you know, the other ones, Kettle one, they're all. They're all wheat.

[Sam Morril]

Okay.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Potatoes is corn, but potato's the way to go.

[Sam Morril]

I like potato because I'm gluten intolerant.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, that's right. That's another reason.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. This is really good, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's good stuff. This will be my new vodka. I was a Cheetos man because I'm a cheap fuck, but that is really.

[Mark Normand]

That's legit.

[Dolph Lundgren]

This is almost the same price as Cheetos. It's not that expensive.

[Mark Normand]

Was doing Creed 2 a lot of fun?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, it was great. I mean, I've done. I did Rock it four with Sly, and then I did those three Expendables pictures, so I kind of had a relationship with him. But then Creed 2 came along, and I had a script. I mean, I heard about it, and I didn't want to make it because I thought I really wanted to play this Ivan Drago guy again. And they'll probably have him be bad, disgusting Russian character, no redeeming features. But. But it turned out it was a pretty good script, and I thought he had a good arc, you know, and the fact that my character has this kind of hard relationship with his son, which reminded me of my relationship with my dad. So I was actually. I could kind of play my dad in the movie. I can kind of be kind of the way he was to me a little bit. But in the movie, I had a chance to resolve it kind of in a good way way. So it felt it was kind of personal. Huh.

[Mark Normand]

You threw in the towel.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. I threw in the towel and gave him a hug. I said, don't worry about it. It's okay. Yeah, yeah. That's.

[Mark Normand]

That's the cool thing about those movies is, like, they. They surprise you. Like, the first Creed surprised me. I didn't expect it to be that good either.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, the first one was really good.

[Sam Morril]

Really good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the first two are really good.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I think you gotta surprise them because everyone's expecting a certain thing, and they go, is this just a copy of a copy? And then if you. You twist it on people, they go, all right. It was actually good and original.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. Yeah. The first one was really interesting. They came up with the idea of Apollo Creed having a legitimate son. And, I mean, what a wonderful idea for a movie. And then the fact that he gets rocket or train him, I mean. Yeah. And Sly was great in that movie. He was nominated for an Academy Award. He won the Golden Globe. It was really good. I love that picture.

[Sam Morril]

I'll tell you, it's good to see an actor still drinking.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

They get vegan, they go to yoga, they go to a retreat and do ayahuasca. They never drink again, and they become a Scientologist.

[Dolph Lundgren]

No, I mean, I like. I don't drink that much, but I like to drink once in a while. No, I like to enjoy my liquor when I have it, so I wouldn't. That's why I like this. And. And I think. I think, you know, it's got a nice little bite to it because it's. It's not. It's smooth, but it's, you know, the. The overproof makes it kind of makes it more flavorful, but also, you know, picks you up, makes you feel good.

[Sam Morril]

I feel real good.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Do you feel it already?

[Sam Morril]

A little bit.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Right, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Martini.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We're classic cocktail drinkers, so we like Manhattan's Negronis Martinis. We're, you know, I like the classics.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. Hey, we might be drinking Spready by calshee. We love Kelshi. Great stuff. You can bet on anything. It's pretty genius. Rotten Tomatoes score. Mayor's Race. What the team colors are gonna be, who's gonna win an Emmy, who's gonna win an Oscar, who's got a bigger hog? It's got it all. It's the largest legal prediction market in the US These are real money markets where people are actually trading on what they think will happen. I got 200 on Iran. Cal has markets on almost everything. Politics, movies, music, crypto sports, and more. They have over a million users in all 50 states. And they have facilitated over 2 billion worth of trades. This is the only place to trade on these events in all 50 states. So put your money where your mouth is and sign up using our link kalshee.com drunk and the first 500 traders that trade 100 contracts will get a free $10 credit. That's k a l s h I.com drunks cashy. You can trade on that.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I had a at BCB in Brooklyn. Barcom at Brooklyn. I was there Yesterday and Dale DeGroff is his famous bartender from. You know, he was at Rainbow Room, Top of the Rock. And he, he made me a Negroni with heart Copy cut. It was really good.

[Sam Morril]

Damn. Negroni.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. Deroni you call it because of Degr, right?

[Sam Morril]

I like it. I've been to that Rainbow Room. That was. I went as a kid with my dad. And yeah, the martini, I remember it was 17 and I was like, Jesus Christ. Now that's what like a beer goes for. But it was, you know, the 90s.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, it was nice. They open. I was there in the 90s too. I was there. I lived here in the 90s. So I was up there and it was cool. It was like 40s, 30s.

[Mark Normand]

Where do you live now?

[Dolph Lundgren]

West Hollywood, Louisiana. We live in LA and I miss New York. I really enjoyed being out here. I mean, this is where I first came when I first moved to America and have all great memories from the city. And it's just been great to be back for a week for our vodka.

[Sam Morril]

Was New York wild in the 80s? You see all the porn theaters, the hobos, the punks, the hookers. Drugs.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Drugs, yeah. Everybody was armed. I was going up, I was with Grace, you know, first week, I think I was with her here in New York and she asked me to get her cigarettes out of her purse. And I looked around and come up with this little gun, you know, looks like a toy gun. It was like a derringer, like a two shot.32. And I said, is this real? She's like, durango? Yeah, yeah, Durango, yeah. I said, is this real? She said, yeah, yeah, it's real. Why do you carry a gun? Oh, she said, oh, you know, last year, me and my boyfriend at the time, we were held up at gunpoint. They tied us up, you know, and went through the apartment. I was like, they climbed in through the window and it's like, you're like.

[Mark Normand]

That'S not happening with me.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Not gonna happen to me, man. Immediately went to buy a couple of guns in Colorado. Just Carrying one or two guns all the time. And this is before they had like, you know, they didn't have any metal detectors. You could walk into clubs, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Holy moly.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. But no, I never had to use it. So that was good.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you're like if a woman created a man In a lab, 65, muscular, with the. With the karate. So you're tough and you got the mit. And then actor, you got it all.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You got it locked. And two guns.

[Sam Morril]

And two guns.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Every lady loves these two guns.

[Dolph Lundgren]

No, those two guns and the other ones.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And then you got to be. Speaking of guns, you did Expendables.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That must have been just pure fun.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That was great. No, that was really good.

[Mark Normand]

It's a full cast because it's so many badass, killer cast.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, no, that was cool. I got a script from somebody. My agent sent me a script. There was a skull with a raven sitting on it. Expendables.

[Sam Morril]

Hell, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And I read the script. Vice versa. Stallone. So I hadn't read stallone script since 1985, says Rocky IV. So I started reading it. It was funny, fun as hell, like over the top, like brutal. But it had, like, on page four, it said, you know, Gunnar Jensen, drunk Swede carrying a big bowie knife. And I'm like, okay, I guess this is my character.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's when I fire this anti tank gun and blow this guy's, you know, this pirate. Blow him up, just the boots left, you know, hit him with his rocket. So, yeah, it was fun. I showed up on set, gave Sly a big hug, and it was great to be on film with him again.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And now when that came out, I hadn't been on the big screen because I lived in Spain. So my career had gone down. I hadn't been in the movies for like 15 years on the big screen. So it felt really great.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, look at this. Steve Austin.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Statham. Randy Couture. I mean, this is insanity.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Jet Liquid.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, Jet Lee Cruz.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Rourke.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I don't think. I don't know if you could do that today, but he put a lot and pulled that together. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Well, that's the thing about Sly is he loved movies. Like, he could, you know, people. Yo, Adrian. He get made fun of, but, like, he like, wrote Rocky himself.

[Mark Normand]

He's another dude who you like, you hear in an interview and you're like, oh, this dude's way smarter than I thought he would.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Talk about movies. And also the fact that he just bet I love. Everyone knows the story, but the fact that he just bet on himself. Yeah, like, similar. We had Chaz Palminteri on this podcast who, like, similar thing with Bronx Tale. Just like, they're like, we'll make it for this much money if you're not in. And he was like, fuck you. This is my movie. So did you work with Chaz at the nightclub? Was that true?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, at Limelight. Yeah, but he was in the back. I was in the front. That was one of the goons in the front. You know, one of those guys. He wasn't more in the back. He was the most sophisticated. He was taking care of the VIP room or something, and I was up there with some, you know. Yeah, it was cool. It was a good time. It was, you know, it was an old church that was turned into us. It was kind of sacrilegious. People were upset, but it did very well, you know?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's still. You can still see the church right there in Chelsea.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, I was there. And, you know, there was me, a couple of other tough guys, you know, and then there was a little, you know, the main doorman was, you know, little guy named Fred. Nice guy. He would pick everybody out, you know, whoever looked cool could get in. Yeah, and he got all the bribes. He got all the money, he got all the coke, you know, whatever they bribed him with. And then at the end of the night, he was, you know, he'll give everybody a little share.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, fun. How much coke you think you were doing in the 80s? I mean, I know it was just me, everybody.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I didn't do that much myself, but people were doing it everywhere.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It was like you went to go to a restaurant, like a really top restaurant, and people will be doing coke, coke at the table, passing it around. Like nobody thought about it.

[Sam Morril]

I think it's coming back.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I think coke, I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

Everywhere I go.

[Mark Normand]

I heard that.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Too old for that.

[Sam Morril]

Doing comedy. And everywhere, people are offering me coke.

[Mark Normand]

And you're playing good venues now. What the hell? You're not playing Santa.

[Sam Morril]

I think my fan base is a bunch of degenerate addicts, but they're always throwing coke at me.

[Mark Normand]

Take coke from a stranger now you're a idiot.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, that's true.

[Sam Morril]

Well, come to my apartment. I know you just in case.

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah, that's. So at this time, like, people are just offering you blow everywhere. How about, like, what?

[Sam Morril]

The gay bars, they must be all over you.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, well, yeah. Grace had a big gay audience. And you Know, she performed at a lot of these places on Christopher street and a lot of these clubs. I can't remember all the names now, but I would come with her. I didn't quite understand what was going on. I was a little bit naive, you know. You know, we lived in the West Village on Bank and West.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And I bought this motorcycle, this big black Yamaha 1200. And I would drive around with my leather pants, no shirt and glasses.

[Mark Normand]

You're so much more of a man than a.

[Dolph Lundgren]

People are so friendly, you know. I guess everybody stopped me. Hey, how you doing? All these friendly people down there in the Village, it's like invited home. Got invited home to a lot of people. I got out of trouble. Stayed out of trouble. Yeah, yeah, but it was cool. I mean.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, make their day, your neighbor.

[Dolph Lundgren]

But you know what they say is, it was that time between. Was it the invention of the pill and AIDS? There's 20 years where anything went and you didn't have to worry, you know, didn't have to worry about anything.

[Mark Normand]

Good invention and a bad invention.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Exactly. Yeah. Between there, it was pretty crazy time in New York, for sure.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, 100. Jesus. These pictures.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, I remember you were. You were the first Punisher.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's right.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's it. That movie, that picture from the Punisher. That's from Australia. I shot that in. We shot it in Sydney, Australia.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, cool.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And they had the same. The costume designer was the woman who did Mad Max with Mel Gibson. Had the same kind of look, the leather. Yeah, man. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I remember loving that movie as a kid.

[Sam Morril]

I watched it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that was like, you know.

[Sam Morril]

That was badass 87. Wow, look at that. Now. Are you. You ever want to write stuff?

[Dolph Lundgren]

What?

[Sam Morril]

Like write a movie.

[Dolph Lundgren]

The right stuff. You mean the, the space. No, no.

[Sam Morril]

Like, do you ever want to write things?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, right, right. Yes, I do write. I've written a couple of scripts or co written scripts and I directed about seven, eight movies, so smaller movies. So I. I like to write too. It's fun. Or at least rewrite. You know, when you direct, you should get a script and it's sort of there, but you end up rewriting, fixing scenes to make sure it kind of flows and. Yeah, I have a script now actually that we're trying to. We developed and it's almost done now. It's sort of about. It's based, Lucy, on a Lady Gaga incident where some dog walker. Walker shot. Shot the dog, got shot and they took the dogs. They took the dogs.

[Mark Normand]

Those bulldogs. They're currency in this city.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, that's it.

[Sam Morril]

Worth thousands and thousands.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, like hundreds of grand. She offered like 500 grand, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Finding another dog walker.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Somebody came up with this idea that these two kids are, you know, they're like small time gangsters. They owe a lot of money to the mob and they were desperate and they decided gonna steal some celebrity dogs to transcend them back. They steal these two French bulldogs or whatever they are Pomeranians, maybe even smaller. And they're my dogs. So anyway, I play myself, so. But now the version taken.

[Mark Normand]

But you're getting your dogs back.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, and I called a couple of guys from the Expendables to help me.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Randy and a few others. 50.

[Sam Morril]

And yeah, I mean, John Wick was. The dog was killed.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's quite. Because no one can side with something like, you killed a person, you're like, all right, fuck them, but you kill a dog, you're like, I hope you rot in hell. Yes, there's something about that.

[Sam Morril]

Even Tony Soprano was mad about the dog more than the pig.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And you know, if you write a script, like, you can kill 20 guys in a row, but if you shoot a dog, even in the script, that's true, you know, the studio's gonna go, well, do you have to do this? I mean, right? Is there another way around this somehow? Yeah, you're like, we shot 30 people in the scene before, so you're gonna.

[Mark Normand]

Do some crazy stunts in it. You think you'll still.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, a little bit. A little bit of fights and stuff. Kind of old school, like expandable style.

[Sam Morril]

You know, you're right about the dog. Like, P. Diddy got caught beating up Cassie in that hotel. But if that was a dog, he'd already be in jail. Like, we wouldn't even have the trial. The woman, we could take her, leave.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Cassie, Baby oil or no baby oil, he would have been in jail.

[Sam Morril]

Cassie, not Lassie. There you go. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, I forgot about that Lady Gaga thing. That was crazy. That fucked her up.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. So anyway, that's. It's kind of a script that I've been working on a little bit. So we have writers work on it, but, you know, sometimes you gotta rewrite stuff yourself. I don't think I'll direct it, but I'll probably. I'm in it, but I'll produce it. Maybe.

[Sam Morril]

But don't you hate. Like, we wrote a movie. We've been in showbiz, quote unquote. The meetings, the getting things greenlit, the.

[Mark Normand]

These Fuckers are Turks and Caicos six months a year. Stop taking vacations. You meet some woman who's taking like four maternity leaves. She's got two babies, you know, they're never not on vacation these days.

[Sam Morril]

And we do stand up. So we write the joke, we tell the joke, we're done. We make a special with the movie. There's so many cooks in the kitchen. And legal. And money.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they're moving meetings all the time. And I'm like, you don't even do anything. Why do you keep.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, it's true. No, look, show business is. It's like that series, the Offer. You ever see that about making of the Godfather?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Still like that a little bit. Like, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And that's actually why I like. I like the liquor business a little bit. Because it's just a little more easygoing. People are a little more chill, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Agreed.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I mean, movie business, you're right. Everybody's uptight. And people are kind of insecure and scared because there's such a big investment in you, you know, in a very. You're very. Nobody's sure about. Nobody knows shit, you know? Nobody knows anything. And nobody knows if it's going to work. If you have 200 million, you can still bomb. And then you lose all your money. So it's a very risky business, you know, People are scared because of that, I think. And that's why they have attitude and that's why it's so hard to get shit done, you know?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I agree. But I also think that's why the Internet is kind of starting to take over. Because it's just.

[Mark Normand]

It's right there.

[Sam Morril]

Right there and it's.

[Mark Normand]

And then it's here. You post it and then you post all these meetings. But I gotta ask you, are there any roles that you were, like, this close to getting?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Good question. Not that many. You know, audition only twice. Auditioned for Rocky IV and for Aquaman. I had to audition for that because Warner Brothers, you know, I was playing the king. I didn't have that much action anyway. But there was one script that somebody sent me in the 90s. It was a script called Gladiator. And I read it. I was in my apartment here in New York. I read it. So this is kind of. This is not very good, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God.

[Dolph Lundgren]

This is before, you know, like, this sucks too. Yeah, before what's his name was involved. The Australian guy.

[Sam Morril]

Ridley.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe. Yeah, it was before that. But anyway. Yeah, that could have been nice to be in that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Best Picture sucks damn.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Well. Best Picture, Best Actor.

[Mark Normand]

Anyway, what are your, like, what are your favorite movies?

[Sam Morril]

And you look better than Russell now, so I think you won that one in the end. And to drink.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. Pulled ahead.

[Mark Normand]

He drinks too, though.

[Sam Morril]

He do. He looks like it.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Favorite movies? I mean, I. I like Gladiator, for instance. That was cool.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great movie. It's a great movie.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I like the more epic pictures, you know, like, I like Scorsese's movies too, like King of Comedy.

[Sam Morril]

Wow. Deep cut.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You know Taxi Driver.

[Mark Normand]

I just remember Goodfellas, all of those Taxi Driver's like.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, that one is maybe his best.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm with you because you didn't.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Have any money, so you have to be very smart about how you shot things. You know.

[Mark Normand]

That score, too? Holy.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, the score. Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Sam Morril]

There's some great Swedish movies, too. What was that? Was it Let the Right One In? Is that Swedish?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah, I never saw that, but great.

[Sam Morril]

It's great. And then what about About a Fall? Was that Swedish or am I right?

[Mark Normand]

No, that's not Swedish.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Anatomy of a Fall.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's French.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, There are a lot of good movies out there.

[Sam Morril]

Great movie.

[Mark Normand]

I love that one.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I saw this fairly recent picture not too long ago, which is not really my type of movie, but I like the way the director called Greta Goes West.

[Sam Morril]

Greta.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You seen almost Greta Goes West? No. Is it Greta or is it. His name is Ingrid. Ingrid Goes West. Greta is my daughter. So I need another drink. But Greta, Ingrid Goes West. Yeah, it's this cool movie, this director, I mean, because there's a script that this somebody wants to make and this is supposedly this guy. I was going to direct it. Mark Spitzer. Spicer. Mark Spicer. So I watched the movie and it was actually really cool. It's really well done and kind of. I don't know how to describe it, but he has his own style. But it's about this girl who. She's like infatuated by this social media star and she moves. Her grandma dies and she inherits 20 grand and she moves to the house, like the neighboring. She rents the house next door to this woman and she kind of starts kind of infiltrating her life, like becoming her best friend and Anyway, but the way it was shot, it was really nice and it kind of reminded me of King of Comedy a little bit.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, because they're obsessed fan stalking.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It's like comedic, but it's.

[Mark Normand]

When you were popping off, I had more.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah. I have some, you know, when I was young.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they had a few and to come out, Gary.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Well, I had. Well, let me see. There was one guy who kept sending. This is when I lived in Malibu. He kept sending letters from death row. He's mailing letters. And the thing was, it was, you know, somebody gave me a bunch of them. This is before they had all kinds of, you know, ways to, like, intercept shit. But they came in the mail. And the weird thing was, it was to Dolph Lundgren. But this long letter, it didn't make much sense, but it was signed Dolph Lundgren. And that was kind of. That was the weird part. That's when I had to call the FBI and somebody signed. Yeah, I did, actually.

[Sam Morril]

That's when, you know, you made it. Yeah, that was Ingmar Bergman. That's.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah, that's great. Seventh Seal. Yeah, we used some ideas from that in that script. It's called Broken Leash, the one when you steal my dogs.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, nice.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That. We used some scenes from that picture that. There's. There's a scene in the movie where I'm trying to get my dogs back, you know, and I love these dogs. I'm kind of play a bit of a version of myself who's, like, super frustrated. And, you know, he hates his career. He's doing all these, you know, dumbass movies with a bunch of, you know, you know, muscle heads. You know, he wants to, like, become a real actor. And then I get a chance to audition for this, for a Scorsese movie, actually, and he's doing a remake of that one of the Seventh Seal because he loves Bergman. You know, Ingma Bergman was the director. So anyway, so it's a funny audition scene when I have flashbacks to the dogs being killed. And anyway, so anyway, so it is kind of like in the same vein as King of Comedy, a little bit.

[Sam Morril]

I love that. Boy, that movie really hit you.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, Yeah, I love it.

[Sam Morril]

Did you see Joker?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, yeah. They. They took some. Some ideas from King of Comedy, I think.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, definitely.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Definitely took some of that.

[Sam Morril]

He's in that one.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you are?

[Dolph Lundgren]

The fact that they have the talk show host in there.

[Sam Morril]

Y. Yep.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And even. And also, it's like a mix between Taxi Driver and King of Comedy.

[Sam Morril]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. What, Todd Phillips?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yes, he did that one.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Funny was a comedic director, then he went full emo to Joker. I'm feeling pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty good.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You get a good buzz from this?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. I'm loving it.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I know. Yeah. It's Good.

[Mark Normand]

Where can people get hard cut vodka?

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Let's see. Well, we're in California, like off premise everywhere. New York, we just launched like a couple of days ago on premise. When? Bemelman's Bar, for instance, at the Carlisle.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Where else are we?

[Mark Normand]

Expensive drink.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, I know, I know. Where else are we again, huh? Hudson Malone.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's a great bar. Midtown. Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Sugar Monk.

[Mark Normand]

PJ Clark's, that cool bar.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, pj. Yeah, that guy runs it now. PJ Clark guy. Yeah, we were there yesterday.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you heard some high end joints.

[Dolph Lundgren]

And then, you know, I did a signing down at Broadway Spirits and on Broadway and then downtown, did a signing there. So we have a few off premise accounts in New York. But I think I'm learning about the liquor business. New York's different because there's some rule in the state that you can only own, I think three liquor stores per person. You can't. Like in America and California, there's BevMo, there's 146 stores. In Florida, you have ABC Liquor, it's about 100 stores. Then you have Total Wine has 260 all over the country. But New York's kind of restricted from the. From the prohibition.

[Mark Normand]

It's state by state here. Yeah, I mean, you said that this is an easier business than film. And I'm like, well, that's how bad film is. Because it's not easy.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It's not. It's not easier, but it's. I don't think it's easier, but it's a little more pleasant.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Film is like everybody, these actors, everybody's a bit uptight because it's. I don't know why. It's just something about it.

[Sam Morril]

I agree. They're all.

[Mark Normand]

Are you definitely making this movie about the dog?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, we think so. Yeah, we. We're going out with the script now. Doing the deck. Yeah. About the dogs.

[Sam Morril]

Broken leash.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Broken leash. Broken leash. Invest. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And drink. Hard cut. Can they order it online as well? Hard cut.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Yeah, I think so. It's through Flaviar. I think the Flaviar is the.

[Mark Normand]

The website is hardcut vodka.com.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Get it. This is.

[Mark Normand]

I killed it like that. It's delicious.

[Sam Morril]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

And I love a martinis.

[Sam Morril]

And I want three more now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

I'm gonna go home, take a nap.

[Sam Morril]

Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Well, dude, it was so good to have you on and we appreciate it. Yeah. I'll be at the red Bank, New Jersey, July 12, the Count Basie Theater, then the Wilbur in Boston. August 7, Irvine Improv. August 22 through 24. Then we have Oklahoma City the following weekend and Bricktown Comedy Club. Then I'm doing the venetian in Vegas. September 19th, Rochester, New York. 25th through 27th. And then we got the Chicago Theater. October 4th, Winnipeg, Salt Lake City, and the big one, Carnegie Hall, New York City. October 4th. See you there. Mark, what do you got?

[Dolph Lundgren]

Are you guys doing together?

[Sam Morril]

No, stand up by the. Stand up.

[Mark Normand]

We do our own thing.

[Dolph Lundgren]

Oh, wow. That's great, man. Congratulations.

[Sam Morril]

Thanks, man. Thanks. You ever tried stand up?

[Dolph Lundgren]

No. No.

[Sam Morril]

That would be fun.

[Dolph Lundgren]

That's harsh. That's tough, man.

[Sam Morril]

It's a lot of failure.

[Dolph Lundgren]

It's fun, but a lot of failure.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You gotta go through all the.

[Mark Normand]

It's fun, though. It's a good life.

[Sam Morril]

It's painful. All right, I'm in Eugene, Oregon, San Jose, Cape Cod, Connecticut. Ben Salem at the Parks Casino, New Zealand. Then we're going all over. Australia, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide. Then we're back in the Hamptons, Calgary, Vegas, Dallas. Just trying to get away from the. The family. Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, you name it. And get yourself some hard cut. Get yourself some bodega cat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you need both in your liquor cabinet. Get a little whiskey, get a little vodka.

[Sam Morril]

Dolphin. Grace Jones, right here. Mix and match. Live it up. And Dolph, you're a legend.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You're. It's an honor to have you. Thanks. The fact you made me a Dr. Drink is. Is one I can die happy. Thank you so.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

You're. You're the man. You're the coolest. And I'd still you. So thank you. Good night. And get hard cut.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

Sunday's the day for my next. I've had a little too much burning.

[Mark Normand]

And Norman's talking about the.

[Sam Morril]

And I get down in the same.

[Mark Normand]

Way up on the roof like the.

[Sam Morril]

Cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling.

[Mark Normand]

Dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like.

[Sam Morril]

I remember her and I get down in the same way.

[Mark Normand]

We must be true.