Ep 238: Kumail Nanjiani

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk – Episode 238: Kumail Nanjiani

Host(s): Sam Morril and Mark Normand
Guest: Kumail Nanjiani
Release Date: June 30, 2025
Produced by: Gotham Production Studios, LLC

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Introduction

In Episode 238 of We Might Be Drunk, hosts Sam Morril and Mark Normand welcome the acclaimed comedian and actor Kumail Nanjiani for an engaging and candid conversation. The trio reminisces about their early days performing together in New York City's vibrant comedy scene, sharing anecdotes, insights into the evolution of stand-up comedy, and their personal journeys within the industry.

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Early Comedy Days and Moving to New York

The episode kicks off with nostalgic reflections on the hosts' beginnings in comedy. Kumail (00:06) opens the conversation by acknowledging their shared history:

Kumail Nanjiani [00:06]: "Hey, we might be drunk. We're here with Kumail Nanjiani, my old pal."

Mark (00:10) recalls their time performing open mics together in 2007:

Mark Normand [00:10]: "Old buddies. My God. We did open mics together in New York, 2007."

They discuss the challenges of moving to New York, setting up comedy trucks, and the logistical nightmares faced during their initial relocation:

Mark Normand [00:21]: "The day I moved to New York, I brought my truck, me and Emily, with a car hitched behind us. And then, you know, they wouldn't go over the bridge, so she took the car. I had to figure out how to do it. Nightmare."

Kumail shares his experiences performing across various neighborhoods, highlighting the diversity of the New York comedy landscape:

Kumail Nanjiani [00:15]: "We did every alt room from here to Queens, Long Island City to Manhattan to Brooklyn."

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Evolution of Stand-Up Writing

A significant portion of the conversation delves into how the New York comedy scene influenced their stand-up writing and performance styles. Mark (02:16) explains the shift from Chicago's structured punchlines to New York's more conversational approach:

Mark Normand [02:16]: "Became a lot more conversational. Became like, longer jokes. And Chicago's definitely set up punch. I moved to New York and doing the alt rooms in New York, UCB. You had to hide your punchlines."

Kumail (02:26) emphasizes the importance of improvisation and being present in the moment:

Kumail Nanjiani [02:26]: "It shows you're in the room."

Mark elaborates on adapting to this change by incorporating riffs and maintaining a natural flow:

Mark Normand [02:55]: "It really works. It makes you comfortable. It makes you feel like, oh, I fucking did that."

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Influential Comedians and Collaboration

The episode highlights the influential figures within their comedic circles, including mentions of performers like Jake Johansson, Jason Fever, and Rory Scoville. Kumail (07:04) praises Mark's consistent performance:

Kumail Nanjiani [07:04]: "I never saw you bomb. I've never seen you bomb."

They discuss the tight-knit community of Chicago comedians and their transition to New York, emphasizing the support and collaboration that fueled their growth.

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Acting Ventures and Movie Experiences

Shifting gears, the hosts explore Kumail's foray into acting and his experiences with films such as "The Room" and "Zardoz." Mark (11:52) shares his admiration for these cult classics:

Mark Normand [11:53]: "They took this database that had all the information in the world. Have an idiot, like, regurgitating it."

Kumail (25:10) humorously critiques Sean Connery's role in "Zardoz":

Kumail Nanjiani [25:18]: "Zardoz. That's my Uber driver."

They reflect on the passion-driven yet often commercially doomed projects, drawing parallels with Tommy Wiseau's "The Room":

Mark Normand [29:40]: "This is what I wanted to express to the world."

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Challenges in Comedy: Bombing Sets

A particularly memorable segment recounts Mark's experience bombing a stand-up set by introducing a controversial joke involving a swastika tattoo. Mark (37:18) narrates the misstep:

Mark Normand [37:18]: "I go up and I do five minutes from like something that had worked for me like a couple weeks ago. As soon as that came off after crushing, Kyle was like, I've heard that one."

He describes the awkward silence and the shift in audience perception:

Mark Normand [38:09]: "Someone whispers, it's a Holocaust benefit."

This anecdote underscores the delicate balance comedians must maintain when pushing boundaries.

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The Dynamic of Late Night Shows

The hosts express their views on the evolution and current state of late-night television. Mark (15:34) laments the decline of traditional late-night shows:

Mark Normand [15:34]: "It really bums me out. It was my favorite thing, you know, most of my career, my goal was to be a late night talk show host."

Kumail (16:12) adds to the discussion by highlighting the eclectic mix of guests that exemplify the unpredictable nature of shows like Jimmy Kimmel's:

Kumail Nanjiani [16:12]: "You can have a guy whose last movie made a billion dollars next to a guy who can, like, you know, chew bubble gum and whistle the national anthem at the same time."

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Creative Process and Reinventing Comedy

Mark shares his journey of returning to stand-up after a hiatus, emphasizing the challenges of reinventing his comedic voice:

Mark Normand [62:05]: "I felt like myself."

He discusses the importance of continuous writing and adapting to remain relevant in the ever-evolving landscape of comedy.

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Stand-Up Tours and Future Plans

The conversation transitions to their current and upcoming stand-up tours. Mark (71:02) outlines an extensive tour schedule:

Mark Normand [71:02]: "Red Bank, New Jersey. The Count Basie Theater in July. Then I'm at the Wilbur in Boston in August."

Kumail (72:13) shares his global tour plans, highlighting the expansive reach of their comedy:

Kumail Nanjiani [72:13]: "And then we're off to New Zealand, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane."

---

Comedic Peeves and Observations

In a lighthearted segment, the hosts share their comedic peeves, offering listeners a glimpse into the everyday frustrations that fuel their humor.

Mark (47:48) vents about oversized burgers:

Mark Normand [47:48]: "I don't like a burger that's too big. I think burgers are getting too big."

He humorously laments the practical challenges of consuming such monstrosities:

Mark Normand [48:35]: "Sometimes there's so much like wet sauce, the bun's falling apart. You're just digging your fingers straight into meat."

Kumail (50:35) expresses his disdain for the design of public restrooms:

Kumail Nanjiani [50:35]: "Every public bathroom should be pull to enter and push to leave. Because when you're going in, people's hands are clean."

Their shared frustrations culminate in a humorous critique of modern conveniences, resonating with anyone who's faced similar annoyances.

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Personal Growth and Reinvention in Comedy

Mark (62:05) reflects on his personal growth and the necessity of reinvention in stand-up:

Mark Normand [62:25]: "I sat there sweating, like, I have to recreate the conditions of when I was really doing it."

He emphasizes the importance of authenticity and evolving one's comedic style to remain connected with the audience.

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Conclusion

Throughout Episode 238, We Might Be Drunk provides an intimate look into the lives of comedians Sam Morril, Mark Normand, and guest Kumail Nanjiani. From the gritty beginnings of performing in New York's open mics to navigating the complexities of modern comedy and acting, the episode is a rich tapestry of humor, introspection, and shared experiences. Listeners gain valuable insights into the dedication required to thrive in the comedy world, the importance of evolving one's craft, and the camaraderie that sustains these comedic talents.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mark Normand [00:21]: "...they wouldn't go over the bridge, so she took the car. I had to figure out how to do it. Nightmare."

• Mark Normand [02:16]: "Became a lot more conversational. Became like, longer jokes..."

• Kumail Nanjiani [37:18]: "...I have never heard this much silence."

• Mark Normand [47:48]: "I don't like a burger that's too big. I think burgers are getting too big."

• Kumail Nanjiani [50:35]: "Every public bathroom should be pull to enter and push to leave."

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For more episodes and updates, visit We Might Be Drunk's website or follow them on their social media channels.

Transcript

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hey, we might be drunk. We're here with Kumail Nanjiani, my old pal.

[Another Comedian]

Old buddies. My God. We did open mics together in New York, 2007.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We did every alt room from here to Queens, Long Island City to Manhattan to Brooklyn.

[Another Comedian]

The day I moved to New York, I. I brought my truck, me and Emily, with a car hitched behind us. And then, you know, they wouldn't go over the bridge, so she took the car. I had to figure out how to do it. Nightmare. I got there, friends helped me move in. That night, I went to Kingdom of Heaven. Wow. That night, I'm like, I cannot believe Emily let me fucking do that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

It's an open mic that John F. O' Donnell used to run at the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Creek of the Cave.

[Another Comedian]

At the Creek of the Cave in Queens.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. And it would be Sean Patton, Jesse Pop.

[Another Comedian]

That's where I met all these guys. I. I met all you guys my first day in New York.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

That whole, like, New Orleans crew, you know, like Cassidy and Chesley and everybody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, the big news about you or the big word on the street. Cause you were rising. We were all idiots and drunks and whatever, but you were like. You had a mission. You were like, I'm going for it. And I never saw you bomb. I've never seen you bomb.

[Another Comedian]

You know, I texted you recently. I was just like, I'm proud of you, all your success and all that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Thank you.

[Another Comedian]

And you said, never saw you bomb. And I know coming from you, that means a lot. Thank you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like hearing that. Every shit show, every outhouse, townhouse, back house.

[Another Comedian]

I can't picture you. I mean, I remember doing a lot of those shows with you. And, yeah, you always seem to have a hot set.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Always.

[Another Comedian]

The advantage I had over all you guys was I was five years in by the time I got here. So I was doing it five years in Chicago. And when I got you, like, the Creek in the Cave, that first set, which I thought was great, was like five years of material in five minutes. Oh.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was like, this guy's a natural. He wrote that today.

[Another Comedian]

So my first couple months, and, you know, you burned through it. But my first couple months in New York, all the open mics, you guys are trying new shit. Yes, I was doing shit that I'd done in Chicago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now you tell me. I just thought you were this natural.

[Another Comedian]

But I will say that as soon as I moved to New York, my standup writing completely changed and my stand up style completely changed. New York completely changed.

How did it change?

Became a Lot more conversational. Became like, longer jokes. And Chicago's definitely set up punch. I moved to New York and doing the alt rooms in New York, ucb. You had to hide your punchlines.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

It couldn't sound like you were doing stand up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

Like, it had to feel like you were just kind of, like, talking. And then every now and then, they would laugh.

You're doing your A material, like, what else?

Exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The Garofalo effect.

[Another Comedian]

Exactly. So you had to really, really, like, downplay it. So it changed my writing style. I was like, oh, it can't be that set up punchy anymore. It's got to be like, you know, under the surface a little bit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. And you gave me the advice. You go, always do a riff up top, no matter what. If it's the best riff, the word, just do a riff up top. Cause it shows you're in the room.

[Another Comedian]

It's great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's great.

[Another Comedian]

It really works. It really works. It makes you comfortable. It makes you feel like, oh, I fucking did that. And more often than not, you're gonna stumble on something.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Yes.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. And then you're like, oh, wow, I did that. Well, with shit I hadn't even written. Wait till I get to the stuff I worked on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah. And it was an exercise.

[Another Comedian]

It's still like, you owe even to this day. Like, you do a regular seller set. You're like, if I can get a riff off the last comic. Yeah, I get a. I.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's a boost.

[Another Comedian]

The lesbian comic before me, and she walked by me and touched my arm. And I'm like, I know she's a lesbian, but I flexed when she touched my arm. Pop. And I was like, I'm all right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm in.

[Another Comedian]

All right, baby.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There you go.

[Another Comedian]

I heard her laugh in the room, and I was like, got it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that helps. That helps. But, yeah, those. Those were. Those are fun times. Because it didn't matter as much. It was all for the love of the. It wasn't like we were chasing a clip. It was like, give me a good bit.

[Another Comedian]

I wonder how much New York has changed. Because I will say, you know, when I shoot here, I go up here. I go up at the Cellar. I never used to go up at the Cellar when I lived here. Now whenever I'm here, I go up at the Cellar. If you're gonna do standup, New York is so much better than LA that it's not even the same fucking country. It's so different because here, you know, I've seen you go Up a bunch here. People are just always writing, doing new stuff. It's about the standup. I don't know how the clip thing has changed. It's la. You'll see the same dudes doing the same set five, six years in a row. Cause they're not there to really. There's funny comedians, but New York is different.

I'd have to become a full fledged alcoholic. If I was doing the same act, I would hate going up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

If I was doing the same act for five years, I think I'd be like, what's. It's not fun.

Still my most recurring nightmare. Even though I didn't do stand up for so many years and I started up again, my most recurring nightmare is I have a show and I don't have any material that I want to do that I'm excited about. It's still the nightmare that I have most of.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, the new idea. I mean, killing is fun, but a new idea starting to work. There's nothing better. That's the real dopamine.

[Another Comedian]

It's the most exciting where you're like, I remember, you know, doing 51st jokes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

Doing that. I remember doing a bet there for the first time and being like, wow, I have a new bet and it's fucking great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Gavin has five kids. He's famous for saying, I got five kids, but a new idea is my favorite thing in the world.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I totally get it.

[Another Comedian]

I thought, I'm gonna say I love his bit where he's like, I have five kids. And if you want to know what that's like, it's like you're drowning and someone hands you another kid.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a great.

[Another Comedian]

Love it. That's one of his lines. Yeah, he's so funny.

Yeah, he's a beast.

He's also to hang out with, like, a lot cattier than you think he's gonna be. It's constantly roasting, like, he's so funny and just cutting you, like, going at everybody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He' he's good. He's. He's. He's got some venom.

[Another Comedian]

I did a thing with my.

Which I love. I love.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me too. Me too.

[Another Comedian]

He did a bit part in this movie I was. I was making and he didn't even read the script. And he just called me and my friend gay for like 10 minutes straight. And we were like, what the fuck is that? But if we watch him, like, this is gold. The way he's calling us gay is good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got a clean comedian.

[Another Comedian]

He's a really Good actor, too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

I saw him on a Law and Order where he plays like a serial killer. And he was like, oh, this guy's like a real actor, dude.

They were up with him. He's on like three. He's a predator, a rapist. He's like.

He's done all. Yeah, all kinds of bad shit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah. He wants to act. Well, you act now or you always act?

[Another Comedian]

No, I did when we knew. When we were hanging out back then, I'd never acted. I didn't act.

But did you have ambitions of acting then?

No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really?

[Another Comedian]

Not at all. I just wanted to do standup. It happened because I started. I wanted a writing job, you know, Cause, like, it's impossible to make money doing stand up in New York unless you're doing like the Cellar all the time or touring. I wanted a writing job and I ended up getting a writing job on a show called Michael. And Michael have issues, which was Comedy Central. Comedy Central. Michael in Black and Michael Showalter.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes.

[Another Comedian]

And me and Jesse Klein, who's an amazing writer and stand up, were the only two writers and the two Michaels, four of us, those guys. And they were like, we want you guys to be in the show. And then they wrote us parts. And I had to audition five times to play myself.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

And I would go to the floor where they would. Sometimes, you know, I'd go to the floor where they were auditioning. I'd walk by like a bunch of brown dudes all like more handsome versions of me, reading pages with my name on them. Four lines that had written for me to say what?

They're like, sorry, dude, we're going with Dev Patel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

That I even get, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

And then Showalter directed the big six. So we're still like, oh, yeah, that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was a big milestone. You're like, holy shit, Kumail. Not only is he acting and stuff, he made a fucking movie.

[Another Comedian]

And you got Romano in it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Is the best. Romano is the best. A great dude. Sweet guy. Really great. So funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Still does stand up at the Cellar. Still hilarious dude.

[Another Comedian]

His funny.

He's amazing.

He's kind of. He's so famous from Raymond that he's kind of underrated now as a stand up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

I think he's underrated across the board. I think the show Everybody Loves Raymond is underrated. I think that's one of the great.

Well, it did well. Underrated.

You know, they don't talk about it as like one of the great sitcoms of all time. And I think it's in that conversation.

It's a great show.

I think it's really, really good. I think he's underrated as a dramatic actor. He's like a really good actor and he's underrated as a stand up. I remember seeing a stand up, like, you know, from before his show where he's talking about his twins and like the orange. Orange juice they give you in like a little thimble.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

So funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So funny.

[Another Comedian]

So good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

I remember my Dr. Katz back in the day. And you'd be like, these are good fucking bits.

That was a great show.

I love Dr. Katz.

I Jake Johansson on there, he was like. Jake Johansson was like my.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was he your guy?

[Another Comedian]

He was my guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Interesting.

[Another Comedian]

Jake Johansson was my guy.

Letterman's or something crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Something like that. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

All killer sets.

Yeah.

His HBO special from like 93 called this Will Take about an Hour. Great title for a special.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That is great.

[Another Comedian]

One of my favorite specials.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I gotta rewatch. I saw that years ago, but I gotta rewatch it.

[Another Comedian]

Cause really, Letterman set back in the day.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah.

[Another Comedian]

When he did the cyclone bit, I remember that. That was a hot set, man.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Cyclone, heroin, the cake bit. I remember all your bits.

[Another Comedian]

All those bits were big bits.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was a big one.

[Another Comedian]

Heroin was the first one here that, you know, sort of like that's how my writing changed. So like heroin, cyclone. We're saying all these as if everybody knows what these fucking bits are. But like I was somewhere, I started doing these longer bets and I started that all. All of those I wrote like my first few months in New York. Even though it was so stressful being in New York, having no money, I was the most like, the most I ever wrote. The most, like, creatively engaged.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

It was great. Like, you know, we were out every night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Every night.

[Another Comedian]

Every night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then you showcase the comics where the audience a lot of times. So when you had a real audience, you could really kill it because we were running with weights on constantly. Then you go to cabin.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got to showcase in front of 23 playing. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Paying people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Not paying.

[Another Comedian]

Not even paying nothing. They were just there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was that tiny room. But you never see Jesil next coming by Kumail Hannibal. Oh, this gaffing.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, I remember Jesse Eisenberg would come watch it sometimes. Whoa.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't know that.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. Jesse Eisenberg is a big standup fan. We don't have to watch this.

Please, I just want.

No, no, no. This is not a good performance of it. Find another one. I'll tell you where It's Letterman, you know, it's not going to be what year?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What year are we talking here?

[Another Comedian]

If I had to guess, what is this? 29. I got in right before his show got canceled.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

So that. That one was an interesting story because that. That was.

He made it to, like, 2015, didn't he? You had a window there.

Oh, did he go to 2015?

He went pretty long, I think. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We can look this up.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, we. Yeah, but you're there for.

Man, that happened because I did. Oh, that's. No, it's Colbert. I. I hate that Google AI is the top answer.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know, I know.

[Another Comedian]

They fucking ruined everything.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

They took this database that had all the information in the world.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

Have an idiot, like, regurgitating it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

This sounds like a peeve to me.

It's a. I hate. I hate it. I just want to. Just link me to the article. I can read. I can figure it out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's only gonna get worse.

[Another Comedian]

2015. May 20, 2015.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. There you go.

[Another Comedian]

All right.

Well, can you just do a short version of that? What was the exact angle of the. The heroin? How did the heroin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I remember, Shake, twinkle.

[Another Comedian]

The angle of the heroin was. This was real. Was that. There was a new. I saw these news reports about this new. It's hard not to go into the cadence.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, do it, do it.

[Another Comedian]

It was a new drug called cheese. I saw these. They're like, kids are doing it. It's an epidemic. It's a new drug. It's an epidemic. So I looked up what CHEESE is. This is all true, by the way. CHEESE is Tylenol PM and heroin. So really, it's heroin. It's mostly heroin. Heroin's doing the heavy lifting.

Yes.

Not a new drug. Yeah, I said heroin.

Heavy lifting's the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a great line.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel like I'm back at Big Terrific here.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, Big terrific. Good show. Big show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

That was a great show. Yeah. I remember I did that once and someone came up to me and was like, you say heroin 17 times in that joke. Wow.

That was like the Carlin. Remember when Carlin did the stuff bit?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, stuff?

[Another Comedian]

He realized if you say it, like, three times, it's not funny. If you say it once, it's like, fine. But if you say it, like 40 times, it's funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

It becomes funnier each time.

Well, the trick with heroin became. It was like a longer bet was like, I say it a bunch up front, and then. How long can I wait? And then Say it again as a punchline. And then how much longer can I. Like, you want to forget it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

You want the audience to forget and then you say heroin again.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, right.

[Another Comedian]

Like you go off on a tangent and then come right back to it. So it's sort of like they think it's done and then it's not. That was what I. That was the fun thing of that.

Now, nowadays, I bet they wouldn't even let that on late night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, you're probably right.

[Another Comedian]

They'd probably be on foul and they'd be like, you can't say heroin that many times.

Yeah, I mean, I do say it a lot. Choirs that many times. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah. The bit was beaten to death and then you had the, The. The shoelaces moved. The shoelaces bounce.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, yeah. About the video game, about Call of Duty.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was a big one.

[Another Comedian]

My God, you remember the best.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I couldn't write good jokes. I was like, we're all doing well.

[Another Comedian]

We're all in the mix, doing well.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, I look back on it, like, your stuff, it still stands. If I. If I did some of my old stuff.

[Another Comedian]

Dude, your first album is fucking great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I was fun to watch.

[Another Comedian]

But, yeah, Letterman would do that. I remember Nick Griffin had to say Nick Griffin, if you haven't.

Nick Griffin, the master of the five minute late night.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Unbelievable.

[Another Comedian]

One of the, One of the greats.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One of the greats.

[Another Comedian]

Watch all of his Letterman sets. But he, he had a joke I loved where he goes, you know, young women are filled with sugar and spice and everything nice. And I'm filled with anger and semen and shame. And they made him change it to anger and Prozac and shame.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It doesn't hit the same Prozac.

[Another Comedian]

I bet it work.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It did fine.

[Another Comedian]

But the alliteration is like semen and shame.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes. The s. His just.

[Another Comedian]

He's so authentic. I mean, he's so. Just miserable. Depressed. Yeah, but it's so. He's.

And, like, it's hard to have someone who has such a point of view and is such a sharp joke writer. You know, like, it's full of personality, but also like the perfect word choices.

He always. His jokes are so concise. I mean, he's. And he's. He's so good at picking. He had an opener to it. They say, you know, no matter how bad you have, there's always someone worse off than you. So now I'm depressed and worried about this other poor guy. That's a great opener. It's like, oh, you know who the fuck he is immediately. Yes, he's a sad guy. Yeah, yeah, he's a great joker.

Yeah, he's a great, like, the Five Minute, you know, I always look up to those people who could, like, nail it.

Said you love Jake Johansson.

Jake Johansson could do that. You know, there was a guy, Jeff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Caldwell, who was amazing on Letterman, but I never really saw him around. Does he work?

[Another Comedian]

He was at the Comic Strip all the time. Oh, he was okay a lot back in those days.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'd never see him.

[Another Comedian]

You know, I think of all these guys you would see on, like, in the 80s on, like, one Night Stand and all that stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

And now you see their names pop up on, like, a kid's show. It'll be like, executive producer.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's true.

[Another Comedian]

You know, a lot of them are, like, been working in the business for years.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that guy, the SpongeBob guy, I think was like an 80s comic, and.

[Another Comedian]

Now he was on Mr. Show and Stuff.

Yeah, Tom Kenny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's it.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, he was really funny. His standup was really funny.

Yeah, he was good. He was amazing.

It was very, like, high energy, act outy, stand up, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Got it, Got it.

[Another Comedian]

He was good. He's. He's a funny guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. Do you miss the late. The late night? It almost feels over. Feels dead. The Five.

[Another Comedian]

It really bums me out. It was my favorite thing, you know, most of my career, my goal was to be a late night talk show host. And then it stopped being that at some point. But, you know, I'm hosting Kimmel's show for a week this year. I hosted it last year.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

I love it. You know why I love it? Because it's really, to me, the exact intersection of. Of everything in Hollywood. You can have a guy whose last movie made a billion dollars next to a guy who can, like, you know, chew bubble gum and whistle the national anthem at the same time. Right, right. It's like every level of success right there at the same time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. You get the animal attacks or animal expert guy.

[Another Comedian]

You got some animal expert guy who just, like, joined SAG so he could do this next to George Clooney, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, right. That's true.

[Another Comedian]

And then the host is like, this is my show. I'm supposed to give them the spotlight. But also it's kind of my show, so that tension is there too. And, you know, I mean, the reason I started standup was cause of Conan. I mean, Conan. Conan o' Brien's show is like, what made me absolutely fall in love with Comedy.

And you just did the Mark Twain thing.

I just did the Mark Twain thing. I got very nervous for that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wait, what was that?

[Another Comedian]

Intense.

Conan won a Mark Twain.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you did a piece.

[Another Comedian]

I did a piece. And, you know, you're like, first of all, it's Conan, who is like my hero, the king. And then the other people presenting are Letterman, Colbert, Sandler, Will Ferrell.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jesus Christ.

[Another Comedian]

Nikki Glaser, John Mulaney. I mean, it's. It's a wild, wild room.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

And you're just going up with all these people.

How do. How did you run this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, it up.

[Another Comedian]

You don't run. I didn't run.

You didn't even take it to, like, a.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Come on.

[Another Comedian]

No. Well, this is what I did. What I did was I was like, if I'm doing straight standup, and you got Mulaney, you got Clayser, you got Sandler, you got all these people there. That's tough to sort of, like, go straight at them, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

So I did, like, a presentation. I did. I was like, I'll have graphics. I'll have charts, Twain talk. Like a TED Talk. I did a little TED Talk parody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, fun.

[Another Comedian]

And then I knew. I was like, these are the bets. This graph will pop up. That's gonna get a laugh, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yep, yep.

[Another Comedian]

They made a funny graph. I do this. I just set up. That graph's going to come up. That's going to get a laugh. So I like. I was like, I'll do something different.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

And. And it'll be different. And it'll do well because it's different.

You just trusted that. You're like, did you run it by friends? Who do you run it by?

No, I was pretty sure it was funny. I mean, you know, the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The set, the Kumail set.

[Another Comedian]

Look at that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now we don't need the photo. What are you doing?

[Another Comedian]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Now we're not going to see this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I just want to see you on the state with a graph or a graphic.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, see me on stage with the graphic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, here we go. But, yeah, that. That is scary. What is it? Lincoln Center.

[Another Comedian]

It's at the one with all the. Kennedy Center.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kennedy Center. That's the one. Different president.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, it may. They may not have put it on. That was. That was for Julia Louis Dreyfus.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you did her, too?

[Another Comedian]

That was a few years ago. Dreyfus. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Maybe it's. Yeah, Conan. There you go.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, is that it backstage? That's backstage. See, they didn't put it. They didn't put it on the thing.

What's your. What's your connection to Julia Louis, Dre?

They didn't put any of them on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Another Comedian]

Trump related? No, because it's on Netflix now. Oh, they only wanted to be on Netflix. It's not Trump related. Okay. I know. I've known Julia because I did part on Veep years and years ago, and it's one of the few things that I've gotten from, like, just an audition.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice.

[Another Comedian]

I auditioned with her. It was really fun, and then I did one episode, and that's how I got Silicon Valley was from doing that one episode. But she was great, and we sort of stayed in touch, and I mean, she's fucking incredible.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She's a dream guest. I'm a big fan.

[Another Comedian]

She's. She's awesome. And she's, like, you know, super grounded, super normal. Like, she would, like, go out with us out, and it's, like, weird. Like, she's the biggest sitcom of all time. I think you're making an argument that she's the greatest comedic actor of all time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hmm.

[Another Comedian]

Most successful. Most successful.

Well, here's what we were saying just before. I think Adam Sandler is the most successful comedic actor of all time. You might be right there, too, because people have had heights. You know, Obviously, Jim Carrey at his height was like the. It's very rare that a comedic act comedic actor is the biggest movie star. Yeah, Jim Carrey had that. He had three number one movies in the same year. He had Dumb and Dumber, the Mask, and Ace Ventura in the same year, 1994. Imagine what that's like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Insane.

[Another Comedian]

Will Ferrell had big heights, you know, super funny people. They're all hilarious. But sandler, since the 90s, up until now, has been, like, making huge comedies that entire time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's true. And I'll throw in a couple dramas. Punch Drunk Love, Uncut Gems. Yeah, he's got a new spaceman movie coming out.

[Another Comedian]

He was talking, like, tv, I think. You were talking tv.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you're talking tv.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. Maybe I should have said accomplished or successful.

I think Julia has to be because she's won a bunch of Emmys. She's been on, like, three different shows that all she won best actress for was that. What was the second one, New Adventures, Seinfeld and Veep. I would say Seinfeld and Veep are in, like, top 10 comedy of all time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Agreed.

[Another Comedian]

Two of those she got.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She's also has a reoccurring role in Arrested Development. That's great. I mean, she's a blind lady.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And she was on SNL on the 80s. Yikes.

[Another Comedian]

I mean, she's got a crazy resume.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And her dad is an oil tycoon. So it's not one of these, like, I came up from the streets the wrong side of the tracks. Just.

[Another Comedian]

Just had it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just had it.

[Another Comedian]

Well, that's the tough thing is that, you know, growing up with that much money and still being cool and normal like that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. I'm doing the old.

[Another Comedian]

You know, it also shows. So many people talk about, oh, their parents were raised, they had opportunities and stuff. And that's totally true. It's much harder to come from not having any safety net. I didn't have a safety net. I don't know if you guys had a safety net. For me, it was like, if this doesn't work, I gotta get a real fucking job.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Definitely.

[Another Comedian]

What it shows is that this. Pursuing this stuff is what a lot of people want to do if they had the opportunity. That's all it shows to me, really, is that more people would be like rich art school kids and stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

If you give poor people those opportunities, I think you'd have. You'd have more people doing that too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. I. I do think, because everybody says, you got to be depressed, you got to be molested, you got to be beaten. It's the only way to be great.

[Another Comedian]

I really hate.

I don't like it say, you got to be molested.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I heard that somewhere. Hitler. Oprah was.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. Hey, what are you doing to your son? Making him an artist.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That would be a good argument. Like, you hear this guy, you know, he's got the crazy. Grew up in a whorehouse. His dad died. His mom was fucked in front of him. He was a heroin addict or a cokehead or whatever. But. So they're like, he's the best comedian of all time. It's because of that. But also, Seinfeld's a funny comedian. He grew up in the suburbs of Long Island.

[Another Comedian]

I think different types of comedy. I think that's exactly right. I don't think you have to be damaged. This whole thing that you have to be damaged to be an artist, I think it's false. Some damaged people make great art. Some completely. Well, like, normal people also make great.

Seinfeld's an observational comic, and Prior is essentially like a cautionary tale. Like, you shouldn't be like me, but it's hilarious that I'm aware of how fucked up I am. There's different types of Comedy, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Different types of comedy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I'm sure there's welders who are molested.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And welders who weren't molested. But I bet as good as welding.

[Another Comedian]

But the ones who are molested are welding a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see that?

Working hard.

Did a. Did a. Yeah. Did a victim of child abuse make this? Because it's fucking perfect.

You welded the shit out of this.

There's no room between the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Between the metals.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess.

That is a clean weld.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

You got to give us movie wrecks on this pod because you. You are like a movie. You're like a connoisseur.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're in movies.

[Another Comedian]

You're in movies. But I feel like every time I'd see you at the Cellar, you'd be like, oh, you got to watch this.

Or like, oh, well, did you see the one I told you to watch? Dark City?

Of course.

Yeah.

Watch the director's cut, isn't. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. No, it was like a sci fi noir. I loved it.

It's a sci fi noir, and if you look at. Don't look up the story, but if you look up the visuals, you'll be like, oh, my God. 90s Matrix ripoff. It came out before the Matrix. It came out before the Matrix, and it's a fantastic movie. Jennifer Connelly, rufusual. Kiefer Sutherland really going for it. If you want to see Kiefer Sutherland really like, going for it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Another Comedian]

That's a great movie. If I'm gonna. This is a. This is a movie that's like a. So bad. It's good movie that I'm gonna recommend. Not Dark City is good. Good. But I can't believe more people don't know about this movie. People might have heard about it, but so many people have not seen it. It's a movie called Zardoz. Have you heard of it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Zardoz.

[Another Comedian]

Look it up. It's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's my Uber driver.

[Another Comedian]

Z A R D O.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Zardas.

[Another Comedian]

Z A R. See, look, that picture of Sean Connery right there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Holy shit.

[Another Comedian]

So he.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is hilarious.

[Another Comedian]

He's in that.

I think Raquel Welch wore the same.

Outfit in this whole movie. You're like, oh, is he dressed like. There's no way he's dressed like that in the whole movie. He's not. Cause halfway through, he takes off the bandolier, and it is just him.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What the.

[Another Comedian]

In those red little undies the entire time. Completely out of shape, extremely hairy back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

Like Just wheezing through the whole thing. This is after James Bond.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is unreal.

[Another Comedian]

And his movie, you know, it's after James Bond. His career wasn't doing well. He got this offer. This guy John Boorman had just directed Deliverance. And everybody in town was like, we want to do.

You'd rather be Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

It's a insane movie. It's so fucking fun. It's like to me, the perfect good, bad movie.

All right, you should wild. You got to send me these too, because I want to remember these.

Huge budget. So everybody in town was fighting to make his next movie. And I think it was. Fox was like, whatever you want, we'll make. We don't even need to read it. And he was like, okay, we're making this. And they signed the deal and then he sent them the movie and they're like, what the fuck? And it's a huge budget movie that is an absolute disaster, and it's so fucking good. Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can't wait. You know, they always say Sean Connor is pro hitting women. I bet it's women who brought this movie up. Stop bringing up Zardas, Barbara.

[Another Comedian]

Walter should have hit back with this in that interview. Oh, yeah. How was Zardas?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look how terrible he looks. He's doughy and when pale. Oh, my God, that hairy legs.

[Another Comedian]

Too crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He looks like a demon. This is brutal. Poor guys.

[Another Comedian]

We're gonna cut to an ad for a manscaped right here.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is James Bond.

[Another Comedian]

What's going on?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Insane.

[Another Comedian]

What the.

Yeah, it's a wild movie. It's also the movie itself. The point of view of the movie is like very misogynistic. It's like very sexist. Sort of like the point of the movie is like, guys should be out there doing stuff and women should be in the kitchen making food. That's. That's what the movie's perspective. It's fucking amazing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

It's an incredible movie.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You like a good bad. You. You told me about the room before anybody was talking about the room.

[Another Comedian]

I do what I. You know, I like a good bad when I think it's really. I think it has to come from passion.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

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[Another Comedian]

Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

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[Another Comedian]

When you watch the room, you're like, this is the movie this guy wanted to make. He didn't make it because he was like, people will like this or it's going to be a big head or I want to get money to make my next movie. He was like, this is what I want to express to the world.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

When people make movies that they, you know, they want to be bad, that never works. But Zardoz, like that guy made that movie. Cause he had to make that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right?

[Another Comedian]

This guy, Tommy Wiseau made the Room. Cause he had to make the room. To me, those kinds of bad movies where it's like real passion, that's, that's the sweet spot.

I'm with you. Yeah. It wasn't like a money grab.

No. There's like soul in it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

And honestly, so many Hollywood movies right now are so like test marketed and test audience and overthought. And all the edges are off. You see something that was clearly made by one guy. It's. It's exciting because it's so different from everything else.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's true. That's true. That you're in the Marvel universe. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Do we have the toy.

Guys?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're dead.

[Another Comedian]

Some respect.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a voodoo doll.

[Another Comedian]

This is badass.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know. I mean, is it crazy?

[Another Comedian]

Think that kids are playing with this?

Yeah, I don't know if kids are playing with it. Yeah. I mean, that was a real dream. Like, you know, I grew up collecting action figures. I love him. And that was really, like, looks like me, you know, I got to approve it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

They would set you like, different versions, and you say, oh, and you got.

Kind of jacked here. I mean, what the hell kind of jacked? I mean, really?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look at that.

[Another Comedian]

I got Zardoz.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Damn. Wow.

[Another Comedian]

Was that miserable to have to get that jack?

Getting that jacked was miserable. It was truly, truly miserable. Honestly, once you have it, keeping it is like, a fourth is difficult. Keeping it is not that hard. Not that I look like that. I don't look like that, but.

Yeah, but I see it looked pretty good.

Getting it as hard, keeping it as much easier. Not easy, but easier.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Emily must have loved it.

[Another Comedian]

Emily was like. She was like. It's. She. She had an adjustment. Cause she was like, your body feels so different. She. At one point, she said, you know, after we had sex, she's like. It's like fucking the corner of a building.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's perfect.

[Another Comedian]

That's great. And then, you know, she started really working out, too. Like, we've got a gym now in our house. And now she's like. She's got, like, abs and stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Ooh.

[Another Comedian]

She does, like, weights and all that. Like, heavy weights, you know, for.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

For her lady.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Come on.

[Another Comedian]

I mean, was it just, like, awesome to be in this movie?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a budget.

[Another Comedian]

That's. That's what's great about it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

The budget is insane. You're really in the lap of luxury. They give you a driver. That's like. He was a great guy. Like, we became friends. Still talk to him. Take you wherever you want, whenever you want. Weekend day off, whatever it is. Like, he drove me to Stonehenge, which is, like, a few hours away. Drove me back. Me and Emily, both of us back. You know, you really. The food's amazing. Like, when they gave.

So you go on the eternal.

So they do this thing where you go and you talk to the guy and you tell him. They get all Your. They have your exact macros, exact calories. They give you five meals a day that are exactly for you. Everybody's meals are different, different quantities. And you could be like, hey, tonight I'm gonna go, like, do this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

So. So they're like, adjust it and fix it for you. Or like, oh, on the weekend, I want to go out and have Indian food. Look there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was quick.

[Another Comedian]

That is quick work.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. What meals were those? Yeah, they get your meals. They give you a driver. This is a big, big Hollywood.

[Another Comedian]

Really? Excuse me.

Nice hotel.

Well, we had an apartment. Yeah. Nice apartment. Yeah. No, it's a great. I mean, you do realize on movie sets how much money is being wasted.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know.

[Another Comedian]

You hear, like, you know, this movie was cheap. It was $10 million. And you're like, 10 million. So much money. How does it take so much money to make something that looks like shit, Right? So much money is wasted.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know.

[Another Comedian]

I mean, you know, there's just a lot of wasted time. Lot of wasted.

How did the movie come up? I mean, was it something that you kind of sought out or did you audition or what was the process?

No, they called me, you know, kind of out of nowhere, they just called me Chloe Zhao, who directed Nomadland, and the writer and all these. I knew she was doing this movie, Eternals, and they were like, hey, she wants to have a meeting with you. And I was like, what is this about? And I just walked in, and they were her and the Nate Moore, who's a producer, who's great, he's produced all the Black Panther movies. You know, they, like, sat there and pitched me the whole movie in 45 minutes. And I was like, so what are you saying? They're like, would you want to play this part? Like, they didn't tell me that's what it was. And I was like, yeah, of course.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Whoa.

[Another Comedian]

They'd already cast Angelina Jolie. I was the second person cast.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's exciting.

[Another Comedian]

Angelina Jolie. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jesus.

[Another Comedian]

What was less exciting was the don't bring up the rotten tomato.

Did that just throw you for a loop? Because you're making a movie like, this is good. We're making a good thing. And then you see reviews that are like, that didn't love it. What's your reaction?

Yeah, it obviously threw me for a loop. You know, it was, like, really, like, sort of jarring. I actually talk about it in my standup. Like, my new. I just did a Hulu special. It's gonna come out in December.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

All right.

[Another Comedian]

I talk about what that was Like. Cause it's also, you know, you're like, I'm living the dream. Like, you tell any version of me as a kid that I get to do this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I'm thrilled.

[Another Comedian]

I don't care what the reviews are. So the fact that people have real problems, people have much harder things. But the fact that this thing. The reviews of my big Hollywood movie, like, fucking destroying me is also, like, get it together, you know, like, there are bigger problems.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

But, yeah, it. It really threw me for a loop.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think if you wrote it, it'd be. And directed it, it'd be a little different. But, yeah, you're just in the movie.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, but it's still your face up there. It makes a difference. It's tough. Like, I've been at the premiere of a movie that I was in that I was like, I've. It was one of the worst bombs. Like, oh, I've never seen a movie bomb at a premiere. And this movie. This is a big movie with big movie stars. Bombed it.

How big a role did you have in it?

I didn't have a huge role as you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Finally. You bombed. Yeah, finally.

[Another Comedian]

Can I tell you my worst bomb? I don't know if this story might not be appropriate. The story might not be appropriate.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Farted. You can do anything here.

[Another Comedian]

Okay, so this was a few years ago. This was. I wasn't doing standup at this time. So this is between the big sick and me starting standup again. I hadn't been doing standup, and I was doing a show at Largo that was like a benefit. And just by chance, me, Martin Starr and Thomas Middle Ditch were all on it. We're all in Silicon Valley.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

This is horrible story. I can't believe I'm telling.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Bring it on, baby.

[Another Comedian]

So Martin's going to sing. Thomas is doing improv with Keegan. Michael Key. I'm going to do stand up. And I hadn't been doing stand up. And it's like a bunch of. Maybe it was 2015, 2014, something like that. Anyway, so Thomas goes up and he's doing improv with Keegan, and he asks for a suggestion. And someone in the audience yells out, nazi. And Thomas pulls up his sleeve and there's a swastika tattoo. Because that day, Thomas had shot a sketch where he had a swastika tattoo and he hadn't just taken it up, it comes straight there. So someone yells, nazi permanent. And he's like, it hurts so much to get this. He pulls it up and the crowd goes wild. He crushes Cause it's such a fucking crazy thing. And then he explains to them, I played this thing. This is washable. I'm gonna wash it off the. So that happens.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, that's amazing.

[Another Comedian]

So I go up to Martin and I'm like, hey, Martin, we should both draw swastikas on our arms so we can go out and be like. You know, I'll go up and I'll be like, hey, the cast of Silicon Valley, you know, we had such a wonderful experience. He wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate it and raise it and show it. And Martin was like, that's a bad idea. Don't do that. And I'm like, no, no, no, it's good. So I convinced someone to, like, with a Sharpie, draw a swastik. I go out there. Opening joke, you say riff in the beginning. This is what I did. I was like, hey, so you know, Castle, Silicon Valley, we got so close. You wanted to all get a tattoo. You saw. Thomas says, here's mine. And I pull it up, and it's a scratched in swastika, and it is fucking silent. I have never heard this much silence. And now I got 14 minutes to go.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes.

[Another Comedian]

So I'm just sitting there, my arms burning, right where I drew the swastika. My ears are burning. I do the whole set. Bomb.

Someone whispers, it's a Holocaust benefit.

I want to clarify. This is before, like, the. This is before Nazis came back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, Right.

[Another Comedian]

Nazis used to be a punchline, remember? Yeah, Hitler was a punchline.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now it's a headline.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, now it's a headline. From punchlines to headlines.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

Martin goes up after me and he's like, I have a tattoo too, but I don't think you guys want to see it. Kills again. The first guy killed. The third guy killed, and the middle guy didn't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow, that's comedy. That's like a comedy class.

[Another Comedian]

It is.

It is a comedy class.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So his worked or he didn't show it. That's why he didn't even add to the genius he didn't like.

[Another Comedian]

I don't want that on me. Yeah, I think that's probably the best.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

You took a big swing.

I took a big swing.

You know, sometimes you got to take a big swing.

But this is what. This is like, my nightmare. You know, I hadn't been doing stand up. I didn't have material. I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Oh, I'll open with this. I'll ride that laugh for the first five to Six.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Then I'll bring up the other, like, half.

Then you're like. You guys. You guys heard of cheese?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Heroin.

[Another Comedian]

That is the worst bomb I've had.

Wow. That is hilarious, that story, though. God damn.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did you pull out of that nose dive or no? Oh, man.

[Another Comedian]

I truly. I remember being like, I am totally bombing. I drawn it over here so I had my. And it was. And I remember talking for, like two or three minutes and realizing, oh, I should cover this. Like, I'd forgotten that I was still showing. Just watching a swastika for three minutes. And then I, like, covered it and continued to bomb. Terrible set.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jesus. Yeah, we've all had. You know, you gotta. You riff. You take a shot sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't work, you know.

[Another Comedian]

Here's one of the best versions of those that. Those are. God, you guys don't know Jason Fever. Jason Fever was this Chicago comedian. Like all the Chicago dudes, you know, we all know him, and he lives in LA now. He's a really funny guy. And he was always like, anti comedy was his thing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

This is the funniest thing I ever saw him do. This is fucking insane. There was a show, so we would do all these alt rooms. Like, in New York, you know, there were these alt things and. But there was a bar called Joe's on Weed street, which was like a douchebag warehouse. It was like where the hot people went, you know. And that was not our place. But they would have this show once a month, and it was fucking killer. Cause it'd be 400 people packed, gorgeous people, and we would kill. And it was great. Yeah, the book, Jason Fever, which was a mistake. Jason Fever is an anti comic. He's wants to, like, piss people off. So he goes on stage and he's like, I just want to say I'm sorry. That intro, you guys weren't excited enough for me. So we have to do that again. I'm going to go off, and when I come back, you have to go really, really go nuts. And he has these posters that he's made. Go, Jason Fever. We love Jason Fever. And he's handing them out to people. And now people are getting really into it. They're getting really exc. And he's making him chant, like, jason Fever. Jason Fever. And the crowd's really into it for five minutes. He hypes them up. He passes out all this stuff. Hats that he's gotten made and all this stuff. People are really excited. He's like, all right, I'm gonna go off right now and then, host's gonna introduce me as if for the first time. I come out and you guys go fucking insane. Eddie Murphy's here. He leaves stage. The guy comes out, he's like, please welcome to the stage Jason Fever. Crowd goes fucking wild. The walls are shaking. And he comes out in a KKK outfit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's hilarious. And then.

[Another Comedian]

Hated it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you're backstage like, I'm gonna go out in a KKK outfit. We should do it, Martin.

[Another Comedian]

Come on, Martin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow. But they hated it. That's gold.

[Another Comedian]

It ate shit.

But it's. But it's. I mean, it's for the story. It's for the story.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

He didn't care. He liked that.

I mean, it's one of the things that you would think of. The crowd's cool now. They'd like be like, oh, you got us.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Another Comedian]

There was a Canadian guy who would like come out and like fist. I forgot his name, but he would like fist bump the crowd and he would like as he would fist. I'm like a white power, I guess. And they'd be like, oh, oh.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know who had a little of that? But it always was funny, was John Doer.

[Another Comedian]

Remember John Dore was a little dangerous.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He was a little dangerous, but. But brilliant.

[Another Comedian]

I haven't seen him in a while.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I haven't either.

[Another Comedian]

So funny.

Very funny. I love doing sets with Rory Scoville.

Oh, yeah?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

He's one of those guys, John Doar that. That was just like naturally so funny and his own thing. I was like, oh, this guy. He's also handsome. I was like, oh, this guy. Movie star.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's got it all. Yeah. I just did a Dr. Phil on Sunday and Rory was the other guest. And you. First of all, it's great to see Rory. I've seen him in a while, but you forget how fucking quick he is. He's so funny. He's so committed.

[Another Comedian]

He's so quick.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was incredible.

[Another Comedian]

I saw him in Atlanta improvise a whole hour long one man show that had like three acts. It was the craziest thing. Crazy, fully improvised, one story. It's a. He comes out and he starts off. He's holding the mic by the wire, so the mic is hanging down and so people can barely hear him. And it's just about this guy who. He wants to be a comedian, but he doesn't know how to hold a microphone. He does a whole hour long story. And at the end he like find. He does the whole thing with the mic hanging down at the end. He gets it. And then people go insane.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jesus.

[Another Comedian]

Killing the entire time with fully made up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. We would do, like, Montreal auditions, a new face. It was a big deal. You got to get this. And he would go up as a character and never tell them that he was that guy. So he would be like. He'd be like a Southern guy. You're like a Southern gay guy. Like, hey, how y' all doing? You know, he tuck his shirt in and everything. And he would kill, and then he would just leave. And I'm up there sweating. Like, cereal's weird. And I didn't get it. But he would get it off of a character. He was next level.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. His newest HBO special is the first time, I think, that he wrote. Sat down and wrote a whole out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, great.

[Another Comedian]

Really good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Another Comedian]

He wrote good jokes, man. His late night sets were funny. Always.

Oh, yeah, he's really funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's got it all. I gotta ask you. Hold on.

[Another Comedian]

He just moved to Denver.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that's right.

[Another Comedian]

That's a rough airport.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a rough airport.

[Another Comedian]

I just think it's being a comic. You gotta have a good airport.

Yeah. I could not agree more.

Yeah.

That was one of the brutal things about living in Chicago. O' Hare sucks. O' Hare is a tough airport.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Well, that Chicago class, that. That stands alone. Like, I think the Boston, you know, it's like Louis ck, Bilber Stanhope, Patrice. It's crazy. Dane Cook, David Cross. Yeah. It just goes on and on. But then you got. Chicago is like, you. T.J. miller, Pete Holmes, Jared Logan, Nick Vatarat, Kyle Kanane, Matt Bronger, Hannibal Mulaney. Like, yeah, we got Brook Van Poplin. I mean, I'm falling off here, you know? You know, but it was like a. It was a great group for a while. Who did I leave out? Yes.

[Another Comedian]

She gave me these socks. I think they're so funny. Just says, women stand up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's one. Like it's a sport. Yeah. Like, it's funny.

[Another Comedian]

That's darling. Super funny. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah. She's another one.

[Another Comedian]

Chicago, we had a good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Angelo.

[Another Comedian]

Angelo. We had a good group. And again, it was like, here we were, just performing for each other in front of you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

Barely any audiences, and all that mattered. I remember there was an open mic on Monday nights that we used to do called Lion's Den. And that was like the center of the scene in Chicago. Cause the clubs never booked locals. You know, Zany's never booked us. And so every Monday night, you'd go, put your Name in a hat. There'd be like 70 to 80 people going up and the show would start at 8 and go to like 3am, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

And there were waves. Like in the beginning it wasn't good. Then around 15 to 30 it would be good. Then it'd be dead again. And then the pretty people who worked at like the restaurant where one of them was like a stand up would show up with all his hot workers. And then it became a party again. So it was like, really. I remember once I was up late and all the, you know, the cool people were in later and I was like, oh, man, I just want to kill in front of this crowd. So I just went up and I did five minutes from like something that had worked for me like a couple weeks ago. As soon as that came off after crushing, Kyle was like, I've heard that one.

Oh, Kinane said that. Oh, he called you out?

Yeah, he called me out and I was like, that's right. Like, that's not what this room is for.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, right.

[Another Comedian]

So that's what it was.

I resent people when they would do like, we have new joke night at the Cellar. And I get a little annoyed.

You can't do well when people are.

Doing shit that I've seen. Like, look, if it's crushed like once or twice in the main room, it's still new. You're adding a tag, that's one thing. But if you're doing like an old bit, you can't do that. I'm just like, dude, you're fucking up the curve in here.

There's no honor in that.

I get annoyed for sure.

Totally. That's the thing with 51st jokes too. I would be like pissed when I was like, oh, that's a bit you've been working on, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, totally. There's an honor. Oh, speaking of you.

[Another Comedian]

To have a friend like that though. You know, I totally.

I think about that all the time. And I only bring that up to say it was. It didn't matter how we were doing with the crowd. We were performing for the other comics and it had to be original and you had to have your point of view and you had to always be writing. And that's why I think that class in Chicago, you know, everybody was like, kept each other on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

Sorry. Oh, speaking of, we do a thing on this pod called Working on any New Bits. So are you working on any new bits? You know, I sort of. I recorded my special in March and then I took a couple months off. Stand up and this Saturday is my first time back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, wow.

[Another Comedian]

Going back on tour at the end of the month.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

So I don't really have anything new.

Well, if you have a peeve or something we could do.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. What do you got a peeve?

[Another Comedian]

All right, I got a peeve. I got. Here's my. I got two peeves, please.

Excited to hear them.

I don't like a burger that's too big. I think burgers are getting too big. Like, and LA has a 5 napkin burger. Don't give me that. Yeah, it's gotta be something I can eat.

I don't want it messes or included in the name.

Yeah, five napkins is so many napkins.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I want a period hooker. Give me. Just give me the hooker.

[Another Comedian]

That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She's a five tampon.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. I don't want her.

It's going to be a mess. Yeah, your face is going to be.

Yeah, I don't want her dripping down my forearm.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What are you fisting? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great one. The burger. And sometimes they put the big knife in there.

[Another Comedian]

I don't want the knife. The knife should not go in the middle of the burger.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like a horror film with that knife in there.

[Another Comedian]

I like a big burger. I don't want a huge burger.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm with you.

[Another Comedian]

They're too big. There's a limit.

I just had a burger in Atlanta that I was like, this is the per. Because it was big, but it wasn't drippy. It was compact. The bun didn't fucking fall apart. Sometimes there's so much like wet sauce, the bun's falling apart. You're just like digging your fingers straight into meat.

Now I'll take it another level. Not just burgers, but just sandwiches. You go to these places and they stack them like this high. I'm like, how the fuck am I supposed to pick a bite out of a sandwich?

How do you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right?

[Another Comedian]

That's like cats.

You gotta open a little and eat a little out first. I think with like a fork. Cats is. That's an institution. I won't.

I love cats. Nothing against cats.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Was that swastika now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

All right.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's great. The big bird. But it. You go to Vegas and you're like, we got the biggest steak or whatever. You're like, who's this for? And they're like, it's called the heart attack steak or whatever they name it now.

[Another Comedian]

They're proud of it again. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, there was a. There was Heart Attack burger that I. That food truck used to have, right?

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Laughing Skull, the Vortex had those crazy burgers. But I'll do you one better, though. You get, like, a Bloody Mary, and they put a pork chop, okra, an olive, a celery, a cheese cube, a bacon. You're like, all right, Giant burger on it.

[Another Comedian]

You're like, what the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's a burger. There's a slider in there. Yeah, exactly. Like, enough's enough.

[Another Comedian]

And I love a Bloody Mary, but look at that.

That's a salad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Another Comedian]

That's a.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a fucking donut. That's like a beignet at that point.

[Another Comedian]

The Bloody Mary's just a dressing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I got.

[Another Comedian]

I got a Bloody Mary wreck for you. Throw a little beef broth in there. They called it a Bloody Bull. It's fucking great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was the name of that prostitute, but, yeah. Wow, look at that Bloody Bull. I'm down.

[Another Comedian]

It was. It was fucking delicious.

The other peeve I have, please. I think every public bathroom should be pulled to enter and push to leave. Because when you're going in, people's hands are clean. You can pull it. Then you wash your hands.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is genius.

[Another Comedian]

With your butt. You push out. If I'm washing my hands and then I'm touching. So many people are touching their dicks and butts and then not washing their hands properly. It's all on the handle. Don't make me touch the handle again. It should be pull to enter, push to leave. Every single public bathroom.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's killer. That's a great piece. That's like a public announcement to the politicians. We go to Congress with that.

[Another Comedian]

I could run on this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Yes.

[Another Comedian]

If only I wasn't born in Pakistan. I really feel like it's such a basic thing because I always hate, like, I'm, like, pulling up my shirt to get that. I'd rather have, I guess, stranger shit on my shirt than on my.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a good point. But, yeah, that's a great one. I went to England. They have a kick flush. And I was like, why don't we always do a kick flush?

[Another Comedian]

There should always be a kick flush. Yeah.

I wish every place had a fucking bidet. I'll take it a step further. I love a bidet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

You ever like a gas station rest stop and they have, like. Like the thin toilet paper. God damn it. I got to stack it, like, 10 times.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know. Five. Napkin. Pull this up. We were talking Public restrooms. That restroom where you. It's like a dark plastic where it has the. The toilet paper's hanging down. It's a two part two paper holder. And you got to pull it and it keeps tearing. So you got to get momentum and you got to pull it. Pull it just gently, but still firm enough to where you're holding it. I hate that thing. Because you're in a vulnerable situation.

[Another Comedian]

That guy, that guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hate that guy.

[Another Comedian]

The other thing is fighting it, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes, horrible. Exactly.

[Another Comedian]

This is the worst.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The worst.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, my God. That makes me so angry.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It just keeps tearing and tearing. So you get like strip after strip. Now you're wiping your ass with a ransom.

[Another Comedian]

I'd rather get a swastika tattoo than.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

A tattoo of that.

[Another Comedian]

Look at that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Looks like an old tape deck.

[Another Comedian]

It does.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Come on. It's real.

[Another Comedian]

To realize that is maddening right there.

Real to real.

Roll to roll. Roll reminds you of a bad shit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes, exactly. You're already vulnerable. Your pants are at your ankles. You're getting blown. Give me a regular paper towel holder.

[Another Comedian]

I mean, the reason they have this is because people keep peeing on the toilet paper.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that what it is?

[Another Comedian]

Just people are maniacs. Wait, what are you getting? Is that real?

Well, why is it encased in steel?

Why is that the first thing to think of? Is that your instinct?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think it's steel.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, my God. They got me again. I got pee on this toilet paper.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're stealing the rolls. I think maybe.

[Another Comedian]

Okay, I got a couple peeves.

I feel like that's more likely than peeing on the toilet roll. Yeah. What's your pee?

I got one. Someone asked me to do a favor and then they said, and while I have you. No, but I also. I was like, the favor's the favor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't get to stack on.

You don't get to stack. It's not like doordash, where you're like, you have another 10 minutes to throw on another thing.

It's literally like someone's blowing you and you're like, could you do the dishes later too?

Yeah, right.

You're doing the one favor.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. While I have you. That's crazy. That's like a CEO or something. I was curious, what was the favor?

[Another Comedian]

I don't even want to say because it's gonna out the person.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, well, tell us this.

[Another Comedian]

How big was the second flavor and how was it in comparison to the size of the first?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Good question.

[Another Comedian]

Which one was the bigger favor?

They were they were equal level.

That's crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, that should be lower. It's got to be lower. Yeah. Second favor.

[Another Comedian]

Has to be much less the second favor.

Yeah, it's a total second favor. Just the same size as the first one.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, that's true. It's two favors.

[Another Comedian]

What'd you do?

What? I'll tell you afterwards. I'm gonna out the person, so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

All right, all right.

[Another Comedian]

Let me add one other.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got one. How about this guy? And this is. People have talked about this. So it's. I'm not breaking the. What is it? Reinventing the wheel here. But the guy. You know, the airport, you're finally getting boarding. You're boarding the plane. They go, group one, group two. I'm in group two. So I start walking towards. We got a full clear line forming. There's 10 people in line in group two. And you get the side guy.

[Another Comedian]

Oh, the side guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hate these side. They swarm in on the side, and now all of a sudden they're third in line and I'm eighth. But I waited line like a good citizen. Yeah, now he's third.

[Another Comedian]

That is bullshit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What is that?

[Another Comedian]

It's entitlement.

It's entitled, I guess. So it's entitlement.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But no one wants to, you know, be the Karen and go, hey, I'll call them out. Really?

[Another Comedian]

They try to cut him, like, nope, I'll box out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Another Comedian]

I hate that shit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hate it. The side, and they come from both sides. It's great.

[Another Comedian]

It's like, my ex did that once. She was so mad about it that she. She boxed the people out and let others go. And. Yeah, and the person cursed her out and she goes, bye bye. Hit her back with like a. I was like, all right, I guess I'm in it with her right now.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I guess so.

[Another Comedian]

Rules. We live in a society.

I'm with you, dude.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, what do you got?

[Another Comedian]

What else do I have?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Galifianakis. 1. A guy went up to and goes, you look just like Galifianakis. No offense. That's so good.

[Another Comedian]

I remember one of. One of the Galifianakis jokes I always think of is, like, my grandfather. I didn't like my last name because it's so complicated. My grandfather was. It's a beautiful name. It starts with the gal and ends with a kiss. And he says, I wish my name was Zach Galifian. I fuck.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He had some jokes that were like, I don't know why that's funny, but it's so funny. He did on snl monologue he said, this is my impression of a guy from Queens. What do you got, cargo shorts? That's the whole joke. But it's hilarious.

[Another Comedian]

I just. That was last year where he was like. He was. You know, when I was starting stand up, I saw him on Conan as a Stand up with the piano.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

I was like, that's one of my favorite stand ups. Like back, you know, when he was doing stand up, late 90s and stuff. Along those Mr. Show guys in that whole scene. He was so funny. And last year he was in LA for a while because he doesn't live in LA anymore, but he was going up a lot. So I was like seeing him go up a whole bunch and he's still just as funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's a brilliant guy. I mean, Purple Onion, his presents was amazing.

[Another Comedian]

He had all the dancers come out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The dancers. He pulled the dress off, you know, that whole thing.

[Another Comedian]

Right. Before moving to New York, I opened for Zach on the road. I did like a little tour with Zach before Hangover, but after a movie called Out Cold.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yes, the Snowboard. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Big movie he had. So he had like comedy. All alt comedy nerds. And then.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

So like, bro people who.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. Wow, There it is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, Hangover. I think Todd Phillips fought to get him in. He's like, this guy's hilarious. And everybody's like, he's a no name. No one's heard of him. Forget it. And he fought for it and it worked out, obviously.

[Another Comedian]

I mean. Yeah, you can't even picture someone else in that movie.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know.

[Another Comedian]

You know, he's so. I mean, that movie, you know, it was like, oh, wow, a new comedy star has arrived.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, yes.

[Another Comedian]

Funny. And then he kind of like, you know, he did that for a little bit. Then he was like, I kind of want to go off and do my own thing. So he did baskets for a few hours. And that was a great show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Brilliant.

[Another Comedian]

Not like a big mainstream thing or anything. He just kind of does what he wants to do. He's like a true. Like, he has integrity, I think.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I agree. Yeah. I think he lives in South Carolina or something.

[Another Comedian]

He used to live in North Carolina. Now he lives in Canada somewhere.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Whoa.

[Another Comedian]

Weird middle of nowhere.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, there's. I remember seeing a clip of him on YouTube and I was just starting in New York and he was playing on a piano in some bar and he goes, why am I not famous? Because he was like, bombing, like, the piano. And I remember relating to that, like, oh, I didn't think I was supposed to be famous, but I just knew that. Frustration.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. Why am I not connecting?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, exactly.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, it's like that old Bill Burr thing where he'd be like, I would go kill in Cleveland and I'd come back to New York. I'm getting shit on, stepped on. I can't get booked. He's like, I'm killing in obscurity.

[Another Comedian]

I love that quote. I think of that quote constantly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me, too.

[Another Comedian]

Killing in obscurity.

Well, you know, that. That's. There's a lot of comics like that, you know, like, I mean, Jake Johansson's. You know, he's not, I think, as big as he should be.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Like, he goes all year, does clubs. He doesn't do theaters. Crushes, you know. Seven shows from Thursday to Sunday.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Clean, huh? Clean.

[Another Comedian]

New all the time. I mean, that dude's got, like, probably 15 different hours.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Killer. And there's people like that, you know, like comics. You're like, you're so fucking funny, and you just don't. People don't know how. You know who was like that for a long time? Nate Burgett.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nate Burgett.

[Another Comedian]

He was like that for a long time, and now he's the biggest comic in the country.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Huge.

[Another Comedian]

I just did his movie. He's doing a movie?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He is?

[Another Comedian]

Yeah. He's like the lead of a big comedy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

And. And I just went, you know, he's in the Chicago scene. He's from there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that right?

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, he was with us back then. Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't even know that.

[Another Comedian]

Loaded scene, man.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Crazy scene.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow. Guess Matt Ruby's the only one who blew it.

[Another Comedian]

He's not from Chicago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, he's. I think he started there. There.

[Another Comedian]

I didn't know him there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. He went to Northwestern. Is that there?

[Another Comedian]

Must have been.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Is he still. Do you still see him?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's at the Cellar last night.

[Another Comedian]

You guys do a show together, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Yeah. If you ever want to do it. We do three shows in the city together.

[Another Comedian]

Which. What night?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

New York Comedy Club on Monday, Cellar on Tuesday and the other New York on Wednesday.

[Another Comedian]

Which seller?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The Lounge. Fat Black.

[Another Comedian]

It's a good workout room.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sandler did it last night.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just saying.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Are you. How long are you in town for?

I leave tomorrow to go see my parents in Jersey. Some there for a few days.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice.

[Another Comedian]

And then I go home. I'm just in town for this. So corporate.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You take breaks. You're like a healthy, sane human being. We've been touring the same amount since you left. We haven't taken a break. We're gonna fall down of a heart attack one day. I'm so nervous. Take a break, because I feel like I'll lose it. But you can do it.

[Another Comedian]

Well, two things. One, you know, I took a break.

And then he put a swastika on his arm. So it's not.

I'm a cautionary, too. I'm not aspirational. For me, it was, you know, I was just touring. I got a little spoiled because, like, shooting is exhausting, but it's not the same as flying. Doing a show. Flying, doing a show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

That is the only. Like, when I'm touring, the only time I really love is that hour on stage or sometimes afterwards. Like, now that I do theaters, I do, like, early shows. I'll do like 7pm out by 8:30. Have dinner with Emily at 9 somewhere nice. Those are the things I like. I was. What I was doing last few months was really tough, was I was shooting during the week and then on the weekends I was touring, which is what Bargazzi's doing right now.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

It's too much. Couldn't handle it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

I say what helped me from taking the break was, you know, I took my break for, like, seven years. Whatever. I went out seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time. And you're like. Some people, you're like, oh, you got better. But some people, I'm like, you were funny then, and you're still funny, but you're the same. Like, not doing the same material, new bits. But I'm like, Nothing's, like, progressive. Your point of view hasn't changed. Your jokes aren't better.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Your style is.

[Another Comedian]

I was like, you stayed the same.

You know what Chris Rock said about that? He said, it's like a basketball player. You need to. Every off season, you need to come back with a new move.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's.

[Another Comedian]

So.

What have you added to your bag? It's true.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Interesting.

[Another Comedian]

Absolutely true.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeesh.

[Another Comedian]

That's true. And so that bummed me out.

Yeah.

The advantage I had taking a break and then coming back, one, I had to be a reason. I had to have a reason to come back. Like, why am I doing this again? Because, honestly, the only thing those years that I did not make doing standup because I was feeling fulfilled doing other stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

What I missed was the feeling of being good at it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

The feeling of I used to be good at this and I'm not anymore was a horrible feeling. You never saw me bomb. I took a few Years off, like you said, drawing swastikas.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Horrible feeling. But the advantage I had of coming back after a break was I got to sort of restart and be like, okay, what do I want to. How do I want to be on stage? I got to have some distance, some objectivity. How do I want to be on stage? What are the things I want to talk about? Not in any kind of, like, heady or serious way, but it's like, what's funny to me now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

How is that different from, you know, what was funny to me back?

Did you have to, like, relearn? Did you have to, like, listen to old stuff of yours? Like, oh, this is my voice as a comic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Ooh.

[Another Comedian]

No, the weird. If you guys really want to hear. For me, it's interesting. I don't know if it's interesting for anybody else. So I basically, you know, I was about to shoot this movie. The actor strike happened. Suddenly I was on this Runway ready to go do something, and then suddenly I. So I was very fucking frustrated. I was like, okay, I'm gonna do standup. And in those seven, eight years that I didn't do stand up, every now and then, I'd go up on stage and fuck around like the way I did with that Largo show. But I was like. Each time I'd do it, it was like, okay. I was like, I have to recreate the conditions of when I was really doing it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

So over two weeks, I set up like, seven or eight shows, and I was like, I'm gonna do all of these shows. And at the end of that, I'll know. I'll decide if I wanna do it then. The last show of that run felt like old time. All right. Now it's got its hooks in me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because you had some momentum. You felt better.

[Another Comedian]

I just felt like myself.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

For a moment, it was glimpses of how it used to feel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

You know, that feeling of. And I don't have that feeling anymore. And I don't think it sounds arrogant to say because it's a past version of me. I remember having the feeling as a stand up at a certain point being like. Like, I can kill in any room, in any situation. I had that confidence for a little bit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Some of my time in New York, I had that. The first two weeks I came back. First two, three, four weeks, I was doing great on stage. I was killing because I think one people were excited to see me. They hadn't seen me in a while. But I was also, like, nervous. So I Was like, my energy was different. I was very present. As I got more comfortable on stage, I started not doing as well after the first few weeks. The next few weeks were not good. I wasn't like, I was doing fine, but I wasn't killing. I wasn't doing well. It was soft. I think it was because my muscle memory was defaulting me back to how I used to be on stage eight years ago. You know, you walk out, your heart's going, you pick up the mic, the feeling of putting it to the side, all that. And suddenly I was doing standup the way I used to do it back then. And it felt fake to me, and it felt fake to them because I was like, I'm an older guy now. I'm like a different person than I was back then. I'm pretending to be like this other person that I'm kind of not anymore. And I think audiences can sniff when you're sincere, when you're in it and you're not in it, they can sniff it, right?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, totally.

[Another Comedian]

When it's just the words without the meaning, they laugh less.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They know.

[Another Comedian]

So I think that's what it was. And so then I was like, okay, this is weird. So what I have to do is I have to go out on stage and have no obligation to do well. I have to lean back and just see what happens, see how it comes out. And then once I decided that. That I'm not gonna kill, just gonna go out, lean back, and see how naturally I am on stage. That's when. Then I finally think that's when I started slowly making progress again. The other thing that was hard was learning to write stand up again. Because, you know, I'd been writing scripts, and those are two very different things. Like writing a script, actually, I think makes you worse at writing stand up. Because with the stand up, you know, you do a setup. Ideally you do one setup, you got five, you got a punchline, you got four tags. Yeah, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. In a movie or TV show, you can't do that. You have to, like, reset and reset the stakes. So, like something like the Big Sick, you know, you. You have a laugh, then you gotta have something that grounds it again. Then you gotta have a laugh, and you gotta have something that grounds it again so that you can ride that wave. Whereas so you having, like, in a movie, like the Big Sick, having a funny sequence that's like six or seven big laughs in a row can actually hurt your movie, can hurt the tone.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow.

[Another Comedian]

Whereas in Stand up, that Is the fucking goal be as funny as you can possibly be. So my instinct was always like, I'll have a punchline, then I'll have some more stuff to say, then I'll have a punchline. And I was like, oh, that's exactly wrong for stand up. The goal for stand up is to have like five funny things to say in a row.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. Wow. And. But now you feel back.

[Another Comedian]

I feel back, yeah. Yeah. And it took me, like, honestly took me like two or three months and I was going up all the time and I was doing well. But when I wrote the pain, was it painful? No, I was really liking it. It was painful for those three or four weeks where I wasn't doing right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Another Comedian]

Because then after that, suddenly I understood what the goal was and what I was reaching.

Because there's not like riding a bike because you're saying, like, I mean, you were literally having to reinvent yourself. You have the tools. Like, you've done this for a long time, but you do have to reinvent yourself.

And you relearned the lessons that you learned. That I learned over 10 years. I relearned them, but over the course of two months where you remember. Oh, right, yeah, that thing that I learned. Oh, right, that thing. Like just little ways, like you were saying the riffing up top. Like little things like that that you remember, like, oh, right, I knew this and I'd forgotten it. I do feel like I'm back. I was really loving doing it, but I really felt when I had my first new bit that I wrote, that's like a six or seven minute long bit that I was like, oh, this bit kills. This bit, I would say, would hold up against the best stuff that I've ever done for me. And that's when I was like, okay, now I know I'm capable of it. I know I can write a bit as funny as that as I used to. And that then helped me, you know, more.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow. It's almost like the Roger Bannister. He did the four minute mile, then everybody did it. But you needed the first guy to do it. So you can go, oh, I could do it.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, it's possible.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like the nine hundreds. Tony Hawk did the nine hundred. Now like twelve year olds are doing nine hundreds. You know, you need the first guy to do it.

[Another Comedian]

That's so interesting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Imagine the first guy who dunked in basketball. They were like, we didn't know you'd do that. We just touched the rim.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The damn Negro leagues.

[Another Comedian]

Well, you see those old clips of Wilt Chamberlain. And he's just. He's just so much bigger than everyone.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

You're like, holy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know.

[Another Comedian]

This is like a God.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, look at this guy. I mean, he was Wilt the Stilt.

[Another Comedian]

He was incredible. I mean, some of the he was doing back then, but then you look.

At these guys now, like, you know when you see like, Wemby or whatever, where like, guys that tall that can move like that, that. That's new. That's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know.

[Another Comedian]

It was never like that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's crazy.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It just keeps getting better.

[Another Comedian]

His talent is crazy, that guy. And he's also like an interesting guy. He was at like a monastery. He's like, really. He's like, sophisticated. He's reading. He's like. He's not like all these other.

Yeah, Giannis is awesome too. Like, he's also like. He moves like that and he's so tall and.

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Giannis Papas.

[Another Comedian]

Giannis Papas.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Another Comedian]

Is great, man.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. So what do you got cooking? We. We'll get you out of here, but you can see in Zarza 2.

[Another Comedian]

Are you on the road?

Yeah, I got some dates coming up. I'll tell you where to go. You go to Link Tree Slash. Kamel Nanjiani. Yeah, you just. You gotta.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You can spell it out. It's pretty phonetic.

[Another Comedian]

I think it's. There you go.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There we go.

[Another Comedian]

First one right there. Yeah. Oh, see, I got a bunch of dates I got by. I don't know if this will be Ben Salem, Newark, Brooklyn. Okay, great. So Edmonton, Milwaukee, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, London. I'm going to London. Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island. Boston, Cincinnati, Nashville, Vegas, Orlando, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. Not as many as you guys, but that's a real.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a great. The Wilbur Tampa Theater. These are great rooms.

[Another Comedian]

I'm thinking of maybe doing my next special there. I kinda like it. Yeah, it's gorgeous theater.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I thought the same thing.

[Another Comedian]

I'll tell you where I got to do this tour that I started in August. And then I taking a little break, I realized my favorite venues are those sort of theaters that are like 100, 110, 120 years old. My favorites are. There was one in North Carolina, in Durham. The Carolina.

That's a great one.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I've done that one.

[Another Comedian]

Carolina Theater.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Yes.

[Another Comedian]

I would record a special there. And the venue that I did in Atlanta, Theater. I would record a special there. I don't remember the name of maybe.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Buckhead Theater or the Symphony Hall.

[Another Comedian]

The Moore is in Seattle.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Moore is great.

[Another Comedian]

The Moore in Seattle is elite.

I would do it. I would do it there.

Burgess did his last one there. It's beautiful.

I would do it there, but I did mine at the Vic in Chicago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I did mine there too. Great, Great room.

[Another Comedian]

I did it because when I opened for Zach alfenakis There in 2000, 2006, I remember being like, someday I'll headlining. Wow. That's the first time I was like, I gotta do my special there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah, cool.

[Another Comedian]

Chicago. That's where I started. Stand up. That's where I met Emily. I was like, gotta go back and do it there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's beautiful.

[Another Comedian]

Great city.

Great city. Except for six months out of the year, it is really brutal.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's brutal.

[Another Comedian]

Red Bank, New Jersey. The Count Basie Theater in July. Then I'm at the Wilbur in Boston in August. Then we got Irvine Improv. I'm doing a weekend there in August. Oklahoma City. Bricktown. Comedy. That's a great one. The venetian in Vegas. September 19th. Rochester, New York. Trying to tighten some stuff in clubs. Chicago Theater, October 4th.

Ooh, that's good. Chicago theater is real nice.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a special.

[Another Comedian]

As good as it gets. Winnipeg, Salt Lake City. And then we got Carnegie Hall. New York City.

Carnegie Hall.

Let's go see.

How big is the Carnegie Hall?

I think it's like 36 or something. I don't. I don't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, 35, 36.

[Another Comedian]

Awesome.

I'm pumped.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Very exciting. That's a special room. Great room, and a local boy makes good.

[Another Comedian]

Go to our sites Punch up dot live samuerrill Punch up dot live. Mark Normand. Mark, where are you gonna be?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hey, I'm at the Melody Tent in Cape Cod. Then I'm at the Connecticut. What is it? Foxwoods and Parks Casino. Oh, yeah, that's.

[Another Comedian]

That's where I am too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I hear that's great. Then we're off to New Zealand. Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane. And back in the Hamptons. Calgary, Vegas, Dallas, and Akron, Ohio. That's the beauty of stand up. You know, you go to. You go to Sydney, Australia. Then you're like, now we're going to Halifax.

[Another Comedian]

How do you stay grounded?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, yeah, Ohio is how we do it. Yeah. And. Yeah. Come on out. Go check us out. Get some bodega cat.

[Another Comedian]

BodegaCat whiskey.com. dM US the Instagram account. Bodegacat Whiskey. If you want us in your bar or you're in.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Another Comedian]

You know [e-mail]. is that it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Something like that. Matt Herman.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, just go to the. Just Instagram message the bodega cat. Whiskey. He'll message you.

I met Gallagher in Ohio.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, there you go. That'll keep you grounded.

[Another Comedian]

Yeah, time comes for us all.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Go see Kumail on the road. Thanks for coming in. We might be drunk. We did it. Comedy Sunday's the day for my next bender.

[Another Comedian]

A bit of piva wreck. You know the fear juice?

Close.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've had a little too much burping?

[Another Comedian]

And Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke? And I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like a Cops coming and they it Samuel is feeling dangerous?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans?

[Another Comedian]

This woman doesn't look like I remember her?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I get down in the same way?

[Another Comedian]

We might be true?