Ep 245: Patton Oswalt

Summary

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We Might Be Drunk – Ep 245: Patton Oswalt

Release Date: August 18, 2025

Episode Overview

NYC comedians Mark Normand and Sam Morril welcome the legendary Patton Oswalt for a lively, wide-ranging conversation about the comedy business, pop culture oddities, movie recommendations, and the ever-changing landscape of stand-up. Leaning more conversational and playful than interview, the episode is packed with stories, nerdy film tangents, industry insights, and the trio’s trademark sharp wit. This episode is especially rich for stand-up and cinephile audiences, offering both deep-cut recommendations and honest talk about creativity and career longevity.

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Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Comedy Mishaps and Road Stories

• Patton, Mark, and Chris D’Elia open with stories of gigs in Red Bank, New Jersey (Count Basie Theater), and other venues, highlighting the chaos of tour logistics and comedy life.

  • Chris D’Elia recounts filming a documentary, getting driven by his “incompetent but loveable” publicist to the wrong Count Basie venue, and the resulting hijinks.
  • [00:41] “We’re literally making a movie about how dumb you are—and you drove us to the wrong venue!” – Chris D’Elia

• Patton shares his own Count Basie memory involving the legendary prop comic Gallagher and the logistical aftermath of his shows.

  • [02:49] “There was this weird, still kind of shiny, wet stain… Gallagher had been in there the night before…” – Patton Oswalt

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2. Comedy Legends and Impressionists

• The group discusses the legacy and antics of comics like Gallagher (including his infamous Marc Maron podcast walkout and the “Gallagher 2” saga), and how these stories become comedy legend.

  • [04:09] “Greatest lines in podcast history. ‘Come on, Gallagher…’ You hear the hotel door slam.” – Patton Oswalt

• They riff on the business of comedy impersonators, including Little Richard and James Brown’s early careers.

  • [06:15] “James Brown started as a Little Richard impersonator…and the rest goes to us, the Little Richard corporation.” – Patton Oswalt

• Dan Soder’s talent for mimicry and his “deep fake” abilities come up, as well as notorious radio prank calls and voice acting mischief.

  • [07:14] “He’s like the original deep fake.” – Mark Normand
  • [07:16] “Did you ever see that episode where he called into CNN as Dave Chappelle? And it worked!” – Mark Normand

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3. Movie Obsessions and Deep Dives

• Patton’s film nerdery shines as he and the hosts geek out over ‘The Fan’, ‘Last Boy Scout’, ‘The Nice Guys’, and Shane Black’s filmography.

  • [12:03] “Last Boy Scout’s fantastic. Should have been huge, should be on its fifth sequel.” – Patton Oswalt

• They discuss bizarre exploitation classics like ‘Deathbed: The Bed That Eats’ and the strange world of forgotten grindhouse filmmakers (Andy Milligan, Troma, Toxic Avenger).

  • [19:48] “Andy Milligan…maybe the worst filmmaker ever. Really puts Ed Wood to shame.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [21:30] “I watched ‘Willard’ last year: incel Ratatouille.” – Patton Oswalt

• The group appreciates musicians-turned-filmmakers and the South Park guys’ surprising sync with Broadway genius Stephen Sondheim.

  • [22:22] “There was a note from Sondheim to Trey Parker and Matt Stone: ‘I would be humbled to work with you.’” – Chris D’Elia

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4. Residuals, Mailbox Money, and Showbiz Realities

• Mark asks about Patton’s experience with Ratatouille’s enduring popularity and his perspective on the myth of easy “mailbox money” from successful movies.

  • [24:59] “People think if you’re in a successful movie, the money just rolls in…It’s a very tiny portion.” – Patton Oswalt

• The group discusses kitchen authenticity in Ratatouille, Anthony Bourdain’s fandom, and real-life line cook hell.

  • [26:01] “Bourdain said Ratatouille was his favorite food movie…They got all the kitchen shit right.” – Patton Oswalt

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5. Reality TV and The Manufactured Narrative

• Patton and the hosts pull back the curtain on American reality competition TV (Last Comic Standing, AGT, The Bachelor) and the artificial drama engineered by producers.
  • [29:44] “At the end of the drama episode, they’d all just get together: who can stay? Who needs to go? It’s all scripted.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [30:14] “They did Real Housewives of Salt Lake City; all the women got along, so they couldn’t air it.” – Mark Normand

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6. True Crime: Michelle McNamara and ‘I’ll Be Gone in the Dark’

• Chris D’Elia (as guest co-host) praises Michelle McNamara’s writing and Patton’s moving afterword in “I’ll Be Gone in The Dark.”

  • [33:11] “It’s written like a noir. It’s incredible…it’s about the East Area Rapist…but reads like a novel.” – Chris D’Elia
  • [34:29] “The case was cold because the killer didn’t have a cool name—she coined ‘Golden State Killer’.” – Patton Oswalt

• They discuss Northern California’s infamous crime waves, theories about environmental influences, and Pacific Northwest malaise.

  • [36:50] “Once they took lead out of gasoline, homicide rates went down…” – Patton Oswalt
  • [37:07] “There’s a reason grunge came out of there…there’s a mood.” – Patton Oswalt

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7. Comedy Process, Scene Changes, and (Cancel) Culture Wars

• Drawing on decades in comedy, Patton explains the evolution from “alt” rooms to mainstream, and the unexpected impact of social media, online outrage, and “cancellation” panic.

  • [77:58] “It wasn’t that I wasn’t punching through at the clubs…but a lot of clubs…they’re not coming to see anyone specific, they just want to see a goddamn comedy show.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [85:02] “A lot of the hate you get online…you never meet them in real life.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [89:47] “Let us work out the jokes! But if you’re a comedian and enough people are saying ‘Hey, this is harmful’, try to find a way to make it work.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [88:30] “Everyone that goes, ‘You couldn’t make Blazing Saddles today,’ forget Mel Brooks said, ‘I couldn’t make it then!’ I had to sneak it through. People hated it.” – Patton Oswalt

• They reflect on artistic risk, the importance of intent, and the freedom to disagree, citing examples from Chappelle to Nick DiPaolo.

  • [91:29] “Nick DiPaolo and I agree on nothing…but he still makes me laugh.” – Patton Oswalt

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8. Insider Stories: Gigs, Alt Rooms, and Legendary Comics

• Patton details touring with the Comedians of Comedy (Galifianakis, Bamford, Posehn), finding his audience, and differentiating between “hot house flowers” of the alt scene and hardened road comics.

  • [75:57] “I was on King of Queens…great show, but the crowds weren’t my crowd. I needed to find my audience…”
  • [76:41] “You can tell…the comedians on those shows are actually friends, and that just adds to the energy.”

• Open mics, persistent mutants, and why outsider/freakshow acts are essential to the comedy ecosystem.

  • [81:11] “The persistent mutants…never gonna have a career as comedians, but there’s something beautiful about them showing up.” – Patton Oswalt

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9. Current Peeves and Social Media Frustrations

• The “TMI” culture, over-information, the perils of health scare memes, and how Instagram/Google can be used to win any argument.

  • [54:33] “You can find anything on the internet to scare, and anything to contradict—it’s all useless.” – Patton Oswalt
  • [59:19] “It’s like there’s a basement with a dry erase board…For two years, red wine is good. Then they say none. Feels arbitrary.” – Patton Oswalt

• Old vs. new internet vibes, generational screen addiction, and the coming backlash.

  • [64:02] “It’s kind of attractive when someone tells you they’re not on social media.” – Chris D’Elia
  • [65:26] “The new thing among film nerds is called Raw Dogging—you watch a movie and you never look at your phone. Hard to do.” – Patton Oswalt

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10. Advice & Reflections on Stand-Up Craft

• Patton recounts classic advice from Mitch Hedberg about editing (“Beware anyone who writes for a half hour and claims to have a half hour of new material” [79:09]).
• They champion the value of peer workshops, honest feedback from comic friends, adjusting material, and the pain of finding better punchlines after a special is taped.
  • [94:38] “Someone just said…the way you set it up is lazy. If you just did it this way, it’ll work 10 times better…all you’re doing is helping me.” – Patton Oswalt

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11. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “The rats are coming, the werewolves are here”—obsessive low-budget horror film titles become a running theme and punchline.
• [40:14] “We talk about phones making us crazy, but this seems worse.” – Chris D’Elia (comparing frontier isolation to modern overstimulation)
• [61:01] “Remember early Twitter? Just goofy. It was fun. Like comedians hanging out, bapping jokes…” – Patton Oswalt
• [83:41] “If you get wound up by this, you’re the butt of the joke. You’re the dean in Animal House.” – Patton Oswalt
• [92:45] On the Seinfeld documentary and comic workshop: “There’s nothing makes you funnier than your friends busting your balls…That, to an outsider…it’s like, ‘they must hate each other’. But no, that’s what we do all the time.”

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Recommendations, Callouts, and TV/Movie Picks

• A History of Rock and Roll in 500 Songs podcast
• ‘Last Boy Scout,’ ‘The Nice Guys,’ ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,’ ‘Young Adult,’ ‘Deathbed: The Bed That Eats,’ ‘Cannibal! The Musical’
• ‘I’ll Be Gone in the Dark’ (book and doc)
• ‘Out of the Past’ (classic noir)
• Jim Norton’s new YouTube special (“really funny, great joke writing…”)
• Old stand-up albums: “Comedy is still best experienced as audio—more relaxed, more intimate.”

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 00:41 | Comedy road stories (Count Basie Theater mishap) | | 02:49 | Gallagher aftermath at venues | | 07:14 | Dan Soder and deep fake impressions | | 12:03 | Film deep dive: The Nice Guys, Last Boy Scout, etc. | | 19:48 | Obsession with bad/exploitation movies | | 24:59 | The truth about “mailbox money” in acting | | 33:11 | ‘I’ll Be Gone in the Dark’ and Michelle McNamara’s legacy | | 54:33 | Social media health “peeves” | | 61:01 | Early Twitter and state of social media | | 77:58 | Alt comedy, club circuit, and finding your audience | | 94:38 | Stand-up process, peer feedback, and writing honesty | | 112:27 | Patton’s new audio special, “Black Coffee and Ice Water”| | 110:45 | Shoutout to Jim Norton’s new special |

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Final Notes & Outtakes

• The entire second hour is loaded with Meta-comedy reflections (joke process, feedback, open mics), culture war fatigue, and social media critiques.
• The recurring riff of the “rats are coming, the werewolves are here” as both a metaphor and comedy non sequitur neatly encapsulates the episode’s mix of absurdity and insight.

The episode is a must-listen (or read) for standup lovers, cinephiles, and anyone interested in the inside mechanics of comedy: fun, smart, and occasionally profound—with some epic recommendations for your watchlist and reading pile.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Hey, we're here. We're doing it. We might be drunk. We got Pat and Oswalt with the tea.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hello. Having tea. I can't day drink anymore. I'm too old. Kids.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, this is an early one. That's because of us. So that. But we were talking about Red Bank, New Jersey.

[Mark Normand]

Killer room.

[Chris D'Elia]

Count Basie. I. I had seen Lily Tomlin there, like, way back in the day. Amazing, amazing show. She was, like, redoing, like, it was, like, topical material. And then she redid search for signs of intelligent life.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great show.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah. Yeah. Ellie Wong did a special there. It's a big one for specials.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a great room, but because the interior is gorgeous.

[Mark Normand]

Beautiful, beautiful.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cool staff. But I. I went there. I'm like, filming my own tour doc type movie. And my publicist was driving me. And I have Rachel Feinstein in the car with me too. She's playing my publicist in the thing. And the publicist is like, a dumbass. That's like the character. My public is like, I'm not stupid. I'm like, we. The whole time. We're like, you're kind of stupid, though, in a lot of ways. You're kind of incompetent. She's like, I'm not. We get there early to film. She pulls up and she goes, you're gonna kill me. I'm like, what happened? She goes, we're at Count Basie hall, not Count Basie Theater. I'm like, what does that mean? She goes, we're 90 minutes away.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I was like, we're literally making a movie about how dumb you are. And you drove us to the wrong.

[Patton Oswalt]

Theater and you gave us such a perfect scene.

[Chris D'Elia]

And she just kind of had to take us just abusing her for the rest of the ride there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait a second. Did you advertise you were at the Count Basie theater or the Count Basie hall theater?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, no, she just made it. It was just a brain fart. She just put in the wrong venue into her gps. She drove us there. She's like, I'll drive. Let us. Let me drive.

[Patton Oswalt]

What I'm saying is, where the ticket. Like on your website, did it say count Basie Theater? So when you get to Count Basie hall, there was no one there or they knew to go to the right one?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, no. Everyone else knew to go there. My publicist drove us. She insisted on driving us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I was like. I was like, oh, thank you so much for driving us. And then, of course, wrong venue. We get there, I had all these, like, childhood friends there. I had, like, this kid I grew up with who's like. He's. He's like, drinks the same amount he did in eighth grade when he was, like, an alcoholic.

[Patton Oswalt]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he brought like eight of his friends and my. And he's like, can I bring them all back? And I was like, yeah, fine. And he walks up to my publicist and he's like. He's like, dude, she's fucking hot. And I was like, aren't you, like, seeing somebody? Yeah, we just got engaged. I was like, okay. He corners my publicist, and he goes, can I get your number?

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was like, where's your wife? She might sit right out there. The fucking brother in law, the whole family. I was like, what the fuck is happening?

[Patton Oswalt]

What were he arguing? Look, we're only engaged. I still have some time. What am I supposed to do?

[Chris D'Elia]

It was crazy. It was a. It was a weird night.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That is the flaw of gps, because they. They have, like, I have a street, and it's this place. Parkway, you know, Lane you so easily.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I told her on the way back, make sure to put in Manhattan, New York. Don't take us to Kansas.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right Now I remember I did the Count Basie theater. And I went in, and you know how gorgeous the interior is. So I was like, wow, look at all this. And then they went, yeah. And they pointed up to, like, some little bit of architectural detail. And there was this weird, still kind of shiny, wet stain of some kind of substance that had splattered on there. It was really high up, too. I was like, whoa. And then they just went, Gallagher. Gallagher had been in there the night before, and we did the best we could to clean, but he hit something at just the right angle. It went so goddamn high.

[Chris D'Elia]

The one on the left is Cosby.

[Mark Normand]

I never thought of Gallagher leaving a theaters. Must have hated Gallagher. I never thought. I just knew audiences and people.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's crazy he got to theaters with that shtick.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, it was huge.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, I. I saw him at the fucking Kennedy center back in the 80s. The Kennedy center, and it was a goddamn mess. Well, Gigi Allen wasn't as messy as him. It was an easier cleanup after. Gigi Allen was Gallagher.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Ozzy eating a bat left less of a imprint. But his word play, I thought, was pretty damn good. I know people hate him.

[Patton Oswalt]

Was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Didn't he walk off Marin's interview?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Come on, Gallagher.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Greatest lines ever in podcast history. Come on, Gallagher. You hear? You Hear the hotel door slam.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, it was perfect.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

So I got like, a National Lampoon radio skit or something.

[Mark Normand]

And then he had a brother that was Gallagher, too. There's a whole. We did a documentary on Gallagher.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, we need an A24. Like, weird Ari Astor horror film about the two brothers and the weird fighting and the in. Yeah, because he. He had his brother go do smaller venues, which.

[Chris D'Elia]

The same act.

[Patton Oswalt]

Same.

[Mark Normand]

Because same. He was.

[Patton Oswalt]

He was so popular that he was getting all these booking requests. He's like, well, I want. I want all that money, too. So he, like, his brother got a nominal fee, and then he also got a cut of that. He wanted to get all these gigs. And then the brother. And he's like, but you got to stay a certain size theater. You can't go above a certain size theater. You can't go in certain territories. And I think the. What I heard was the brother went out and really kind of caught the bug, like, hey, this is awesome. And just started booking the bigger venues. Like, I'm thinking, think I'm better than the.

[Mark Normand]

The original.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's what he did. Wow, that's cool. As weird as that sounds, I was just. There's this great podcast called A History of Rock and roll and 500 songs. So good. And so the. They do one on Little Richard. And Little Richard was so popular, Tutti Friedi was so massive that he got all these booking offers, like, just, like, more than he. There's no way he could do them, like, physically. He couldn't be there. So they found Little Richard impersonators. Cause people really didn't know what he looked like. They just knew what he sounded like. People that could do him and they would send him to all these other venues and just be Little Richard. And one of those Little Richard impersonators later on went back to his real name, James Brown. Oh, my God. James Brown started as a Little Richard impersonator. Going like, you get this chunk of the money, and the rest goes to us. Goes to the Little Richard Corporation.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

So he was out doing Little Richard gigs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

Amazing.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's also like, back in the day, Jim Carrey doing standup was like, all impressions. And then one day, I think it was. He said Dangerfield was like, just be yourself.

[Mark Normand]

You just be you.

[Chris D'Elia]

You'll do better. And it's like, you know, shit.

[Mark Normand]

And it took him a while to find that he would bomb a lot before he figured out the Alrighty Then. And he said, that's what it clicked.

[Chris D'Elia]

But if you can just click into Clint Eastwood, all these characters, it's like, fuck, it must be hard.

[Mark Normand]

And it fails.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, ye.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's like, as funny as Dan Soder's material is, some of his impressions.

[Mark Normand]

Incredible.

[Patton Oswalt]

Are so goddamn good.

[Chris D'Elia]

But he fights it. Like, if I could do Soder's impressions, I would just. I would jump into the.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, if I could do the impressions at the level that Soder can do them. I remember I was talking to him, I said, you know, if you were an evil person, you could cause some real problems in these people's lives. Like, calling up, like, there's no difference what. And he never had to say, like, and now I'm going into this person, going to the Voice. I was like, the fuck, dude? It was really eerie.

[Mark Normand]

He's like the original deep fake.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

But he. Did you ever see that episode where he called in to, like, CNN or something as Dave Chappelle? And it worked. They were like, oh, we got an interview with Dave. This is great. And he just bullshitted them for, like, 20 minutes on a podcast. You never heard about this huge. Pull it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Holy shit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Because I know that there's a. There was a couple of DJs in LA. Kevin and Bean.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

And they would do Jerry Lewis. One of the. I think it was either Ralph Garman did Jerry Lewis, and they called France during the Iraqi war, and they somehow got through to the French president.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God.

[Patton Oswalt]

And they had to go to commercial because the manager was like, this isn't it, like. Because it all happened on the air. Like, they were talking. He's like, hello, I just want to hope that you would pledge. But he wasn't doing the crazy over there. He was like, the way when Jerry. I can't do it. But yeah, when Jerry Lewis tries to act serious and talk, and it just sounds exactly like him. So you could see the president was like, jerry, it's so nice to. That you called. And apparently the management was like, we could go to federal prison for this.

[Mark Normand]

Why is the FBI using comedians, like, all these guys to, like, call in. Call in is like a Homeini or somebody.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who better to do it than Jerry Lewis? So we got a number of random.

[Chris D'Elia]

Phone numbers in Paris, and we decided.

[Patton Oswalt]

To call people up in Paris, and I would do Jerry Lewis and tell them that we still want to be friends here in America. Okay. They don't even have. There isn't even a clip of the call, because that can't be on YouTube. Like, it was all immediately taken down.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

But it went out over the air, alive. I remember when I was driving around. I remember when it happened. Is he. Because I thought, oh, they're calling. They. They got another comedian, the other line, to be the French president. And they went to commercial and came back, and Kevin and me were like, okay, we've just been talking to management, and we would like to preemptively. Apollo. Like, they were really freaking out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Wait, go back. You had it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You went back. You had it right there. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Right. The first. The first video. The big one.

[Chris D'Elia]

The big one.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ, Dad.

[Patton Oswalt]

28 minutes.

[Mark Normand]

Well, looking for a clip. I see.

[Patton Oswalt]

So he did this live on a show, but he got through to cnn, a Fox News.

[Mark Normand]

I was wrong. Oh, yeah. Because they wanted an interview about, like, all the trans. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he was like, ah, fuck it, let's call him. And it worked.

[Chris D'Elia]

Holy shit. So this is live on the. But how are the. How's the crowd not losing it? Laughing.

[Mark Normand]

They were. And Lewis has to be like, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Shut the fuck up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, here it is.

[Mark Normand]

Hello.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hi.

[Mark Normand]

How are you doing? Hey, I'm good.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm on a train, so. Apologies. Can you hear me? Oh, it's quite all right.

[Mark Normand]

I'm outside.

[Patton Oswalt]

I just want to call you real.

[Mark Normand]

Quick because I know I only have about four minutes. That's okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

I have a 1% battery. Oh, I just. I wanted to get in quick and.

[Chris D'Elia]

Talk to you about Louis J. Gomez. Easily one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is the point. They should have known it wasn't Dave.

[Patton Oswalt]

Holy shit. Apparently, when Kevin Pollock was doing a movie with Alan Arkin, he would call up the director or producer as Alan Arkin on the phone and, like, make weird, like, demands for the next day. And then they would come, they go, we have, like, the muffins you wanted. And I was like, what are you talking about? And then he. Kevin just said one day he gets a message on the machine. No more phone calls, Kevin. No more phone calls. It's not funny. Like, he was real because he just sounded exactly like Alan.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

A lot of great movies.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's in, like, A Few Good Men usually. You're in a lot of. Yeah, I was looking at your IMDb before we came here. I was like, holy. I mean, obviously, like, don't get me.

[Mark Normand]

Started on the fan. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Big fan.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes, the fan is. That's a rough movie.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, wait, is that the Wesley space?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's like a. So bad. Is kind of good movie knife salesman.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, it's, it's, it's. Oh, God. Who's the De Niro? Yeah, but the director. That guy. Not Ridley Scott, but his brother Tony. Tony, great director, great director. And it's so frigging preposterous. But it looks so good when they're pitching in the rain at the end. It's beautiful. So it's like this massive rainstorm like. And just like at the beginning of Last Boy Scout.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was just going to say that. Where he's just shooting players on the football field. I'm like, this is the reach.

[Patton Oswalt]

But also it's a football game happening in a. Like a typhoon. They're not even being subtle about the rain.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who directed Last Boy Scout? I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

I thought that was also Tony.

[Chris D'Elia]

Shane Black wrote it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Or maybe. Or maybe it was.

[Mark Normand]

Or it really bombed. I know that.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it shouldn't have because Last Boy Scout's fantastic.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's fun as hell.

[Patton Oswalt]

So funny.

[Mark Normand]

Damon Wayans.

[Patton Oswalt]

Damon Wayans. Bruce Willis and Bruce Willis. Brian. No, what's his name? Oh, God.

[Chris D'Elia]

The guy from Easy Money.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who just Taylor Negron. Amazing death.

[Mark Normand]

He's really.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he like, he gets shot and like falls through a helicopter. It's an epic night.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Gary Veder was telling me his dad took him to see that in the theaters when he was like 6. And I was like, that explains so much about you.

[Patton Oswalt]

Was it Tony Scott? Hey, you can tell a Tony Scott.

[Chris D'Elia]

Shane Black, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Oh yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Fun style Black has. You. You guys have seen the Nice Guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's one of my favorites.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, that. They just did that. Pick your top 10 movies of the 21st century for the New York Times. They. I was one of the people, they asked and I put the nice guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a great movie.

[Patton Oswalt]

This should have made 300 million. And there should. We should be on our fifth sequel.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

It should just be non stop. That movie was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Gosling is like. It's weird. It's weird for a dude that handsome to be that good at slapstick comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Like hilarious toilet stall scene.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

This scene. Oh God.

[Chris D'Elia]

And Russell Crowe is awesome.

[Mark Normand]

And Shane Black's dialogue is so good. Like kiss, kiss, bang bang.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love that.

[Mark Normand]

Breaking the fourth wall. It's fun. Yeah, Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love that. Every chapter in that movie is just like a Raymond Chandler book away. I love that movie.

[Patton Oswalt]

And they are. And they're linked. They both have gay Perry in them. Yes, Gay Perry's in both of them. So that's the link. And I Then hopefully there would be a third in the fucking trilogy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Those movies are so good.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's. Dude, the. So, yeah, this is the.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know how they play baseball like this. You know, they have the rain going.

[Chris D'Elia]

And not to mention they're playing Nine Inch Nails. I want to fuck you like an animal.

[Mark Normand]

Are they really?

[Chris D'Elia]

While Benicio Del Toro is getting, like, stabbed in the leg in the sauna.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's one of the weirdest song choices for a guy getting murdered.

[Mark Normand]

You know this movie pretty damn well.

[Chris D'Elia]

I saw it a bunch.

[Patton Oswalt]

The scene where he beats George Wendt to death is creepy because he was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, the catcher back in the day.

[Patton Oswalt]

But, like, he goes, we were. We were eight years old. Like, he's still obsessed with hat.

[Chris D'Elia]

Remember we won the this. He goes, dude, we were eight.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then he starts beating in the deck, like, oh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because he tries to get the get. He tries to save the kid, and De Niro just beats him to death.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Daniro was on a run of playing psychopaths here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

He was, like, coming off Cape Fear.

[Patton Oswalt]

This was like, I gotta fuel my jet.

[Chris D'Elia]

When De Niro. De Niro is so good, but when he's bad, it's almost better.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He can get over.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I mean, when he. When you realize he, like, De Niro, slipped into the five movies a year category for a while, you're like, really? You don't. You don't need. You can just pick what you want. I think you're kind of amazing.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's a scene in the beginning of this movie. I've seen this too many times, where. Where his kids, like, you know, you know, the new player, you know, Wesley Snipes is up, and the kid goes, hit a grand slam. And he goes, don't be selfish. All we need is the sack fly. He's just, like, lecturing a child. I know he's meant to be crazy, but it's one of those. But your movie, Big Fan is actually, like, a really good movie.

[Mark Normand]

Great movie. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I mean, that was based on the guy that wrote it. He was the editor of the Onion for years.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really?

[Patton Oswalt]

He wrote Our Dumb Century.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

And he wrote the script for the Wrestler.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a great movie, which is another great movie. And he took that money and he had the script that got him the wrestler job to write. The Wrestler was this script called Paul Alfiero, which turned into Big Fan, and he had been trying to get it made for 10 years. So he just took the wrestler money and did a low Budget SAG thing. And he sent me the script, and I read it, and it was so. Not only was it good, like, the kind of movies I like those early 70s, just a character study where you just drill down into someone. But the way they were going to make it, where it's like, I'm calling in favors. We're going to shoot at this friend's house. This person's like, it had that early 70s. We don't really have any money. Let's just start.

[Mark Normand]

Love that.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, there were no dressing rooms. The dressing room, my dressing room, was the back of his car. And most of the clothes in that movie are just my clothes. You know, like, wear what you want to wear.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it was just based on years he would listen to sports radio. I'm sure you guys have experienced this. There are those guys who call in and it's so clear. It's something that they've written down and they're waiting. And It's Tuesday. It's 4:17pm this is my time to call in. And you can tell the hosts are like, okay, it's Jerry again.

[Mark Normand]

Jerry, what's going on?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, first of all, I would like to just say to the men at least. And they're just so tickled by it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then he goes, what happens if this guy goes all the way with it? What's this actor's name? Oh, that is Kevin.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he's in everything.

[Patton Oswalt]

Kevin Corrigan. He's in the departed and Buffalo 66.

[Mark Normand]

Which is a similar thing where they.

[Chris D'Elia]

Try and he's in a lot of movies.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, he's in the. He's in the wheelchair.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Patton Oswalt]

He is. So there's a scene, if you watch the beginning of the movie, we're driving along in a car and we're talking, and they're playing Bob Seger over us. You don't hear what we're saying. Cause they wanted Kevin and I to improvise dialogue about sports. And I don't really follow sports, and neither does Kevin. So I had, like, a couple of things I could say, and I just immediately said them. And then that's all I had. And then I kind of stopped. And then Kevin, who had nothing ready, there's this really long pause, and he just went, I love football. The director was like, cut. Okay, here's what we're going to do. You guys just talk about anything, and then we're going to play music while.

[Chris D'Elia]

You go to the game.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I think we're just talking about movies.

[Mark Normand]

That's like, A Ralph Wiggum moment. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love football.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is he. Is it. Is a writer a huge sports guy, or is he just fascinated with sports?

[Patton Oswalt]

He's fascinated. He's a big sports guy, but he is fascinated with obsessive people. People that get, like, just so into something and that becomes their world.

[Chris D'Elia]

Were you channeling something you are obsessed with.

[Patton Oswalt]

With.

[Chris D'Elia]

Into this? Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Like one of those guys that if I need to. And you kind of saw a little bit of it earlier. I'm just like, oh, that was directed by Tony Scott. And the producer of that movie was like, I just. For some reason, the way that people can spit out sports statistics, I can do that with films. I just. I'm obsessed with all of the people that work on movies and all the weird connections of.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, What?

[Patton Oswalt]

And all that shit. I love it.

[Mark Normand]

I just love it. It's in your act. What is it? A deathbed.

[Patton Oswalt]

The deathbed.

[Mark Normand]

The bed.

[Patton Oswalt]

That is this weird little exploitation movie. Have you ever seen Deathbed?

[Mark Normand]

No, I couldn't find it.

[Patton Oswalt]

It says. Well, now it's. There was a Blu Ray release. Cause it was a lost film. I'm obsessed. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Out of bed that Eats.

[Patton Oswalt]

Bed that eats. There's a guy. Oh, my God, it's so bad. Although the father from Boy Meets World is in it very young. And again, young New York just. I gotta. They're making a. Shooting a movie on long Island.

[Mark Normand]

It's 50 bucks.

[Patton Oswalt]

I need it.

[Mark Normand]

Right? I'll do it.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's like when you watch those early Roger Corman movies. And it's like, well, there's Robert De Niro there. Like, all these massive stars are just like, it's 400 bucks a week. I really need it, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love when you see, like, in the movie the Verdict, you just see Bruce Willis as a juror, and he's.

[Patton Oswalt]

Sitting next to Tobin Bell. He sits. So it's. John McClain is sitting next to Jigsaw while they're deciding this case.

[Mark Normand]

Big fan.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's so amazing. I love shit like that. But I love the. I'm obsessed with this guy. There's a filmmaker named Andy Milligan, and you don't need to. Well, you actually go look up some of his stuff. He's maybe the worst filmmaker ever. Really puts Ed Wood to shame.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

He's one of those guys that would crank out those movies that would show in the grindhouses on 42nd street to the point where. And they just recently found some of his movies. But, like, five of his movies were missing for years. Because during that time they would, you know, send these movies to a grindhouse. Show it Friday, show it Saturday. And then Sunday, the theater would call the distributor and go, where do I mail this back? They'll go, oh, you can toss it.

[Mark Normand]

We don't. Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's all the money it's gonna make. You don't need to send it back to us.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

So a lot of these movies just never got you. If you weren't there that weekend, you never saw them.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Damn.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, and his movies are so fucking bad.

[Chris D'Elia]

They're just like slasher movies.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're like weird slasher sex porn. He. He shot them all out on Staten island in this weird abandoned mansion that he lived in with all these freaks.

[Chris D'Elia]

The rats are coming.

[Patton Oswalt]

The werewolves are here.

[Mark Normand]

But the rats are coming.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, do you know why they'll be here? Do you know? Yeah, look, the rats are coming here.

[Mark Normand]

Okay? Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Can we all be happy that the werewolves are here? The rats are coming.

[Mark Normand]

They're with the werewolves now.

[Patton Oswalt]

The reason that movie is called the Rats Are Coming, the Werewolves are Here. It was originally called the the Werewolves Are Here. And then at that movie, Willard came out. It was a massive hit. And the producer was like put, the rats are coming. There's no rats in the movie. There's only one werewolves.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wasn't that a big movie?

[Patton Oswalt]

Willard was huge, Tiny, tiny budget of movies that made a ton.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And they made a fucking sequel that Michael Jackson did the theme song to. Really? Ben. His first number one hit is a love song to a psychotic rat. It's called Ben.

[Mark Normand]

Is this the prequel to Ratatouille?

[Patton Oswalt]

I actually. I watched Willard last year, and it's like, incel rat tattooing, basically because he learns to control rats and he, like, has them eat Ernest Borgnine.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Holy shit.

[Patton Oswalt]

Fucking nuts.

[Chris D'Elia]

One of my favorite things about Ernest Borgnine is one of his last movies was basketball.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I just love that he's in that movie.

[Patton Oswalt]

He was in that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes. He plays the owner who dies choking on a hot dog in, like, the first scene. And then he does a I'm too sexy for my shirt dance. Basketball is pretty fucking funny.

[Mark Normand]

So funny.

[Patton Oswalt]

So funny.

[Mark Normand]

Little bitch. Good times.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love that movie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yasmine Bleeth.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. All their early stuff was. You've seen Cannibal, the musical, right? No, no, Cannibal, he did a really early one that the south park guys did. It's all about the Donner Party. But it's a musical and it is catchy. And again, yes, it's funny. But also, you're watching it going, these songs are pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

These are crazy thing. Dude. I went to this thing for Stephen Sondheim when he passed away, and there was a note in there that he wrote to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. And he was. I would be humbled to work with you guys. And I was like, this is amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that must have felt good.

[Chris D'Elia]

The songs are fucking south park, the movie. The songs are like, genius, America.

[Mark Normand]

Fuck, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Here we go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there he is. See, these guys are for the love of the game.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. They just love it.

[Mark Normand]

That's great.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. This is my horse, Leanne. In the tradition of Friday the 13th.

[Chris D'Elia]

Part 2 and Oklahoma, comes the first intelligent film about cannibalism.

[Mark Normand]

Intelligent film, cannibalism.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it's distributed by Troma, of course.

[Mark Normand]

What's that?

[Patton Oswalt]

Troma is this. Troma is the new, like, Roger Corman letting. If you. You want to go make a movie, Troma's ready to make a movie with you. They will, but you gotta do it really quick for no money. But it's where James Gunn came out of. Oh, sure, the Superman guy. He started Troma. And he puts Lloyd Kaufman. Lloyd Kaufman is the Troma guy. He puts Lloyd in all of his movies.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

And one of Lloyd Kaufman, they did Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet. Like, all these Samurai, Cop. But they. He also. One of his earliest movies that he produced was My Dinner with Andre.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, shit.

[Patton Oswalt]

Cause Lloyd's like, why not? Let's just two guys. Let's do it. Let's see if it works.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, it is a low budget.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's just. Yeah, we can just shoot it in a couple days.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Boom.

[Chris D'Elia]

The expensive scene is him thinking on the subway.

[Patton Oswalt]

That was. Yeah, that's where they had to actually get people down there. Otherwise, you can lock the camera down and go to lunch and come back.

[Mark Normand]

Man, whatever.

[Patton Oswalt]

You guys talk good. Okay. We got it.

[Mark Normand]

Whatever female fans we had of this show are completely gone after.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. To quote Dana Gould, this conversation is the leading cause of vaginal dryness.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dana sends me some of the best movie and book recs ever.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

He always sends me, like, it's always some, like, Hollywood murder. I just read something he sent about the John Stompanato.

[Patton Oswalt]

Johnny Stompanato stabbed to death by Lana Turner's daughter.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Holy shit. Yeah, that was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dana's always sending me great stuff. He's got great taste.

[Mark Normand]

We mentioned rat tattoo. Those. That mailbox money's got to be pretty sweet. I mean, the residuals from that. It's on all the time. It's a great flick. Kids love it.

[Patton Oswalt]

I, I love how people think that like, oh, if you're in a successful movie, the money just rolls in. I mean, you get, you get paid nicely. But it's actually a very tiny, Just like there's a very tiny portion of like professional athletes that actually make a crazy good living at it. And you know, the rest of your. There's a tiny portion of people that just sit back and collect residuals on mass things. Usually you're. You are like down the trough a little bit. Especially on like you're the lead Ratatouille. Isn't Patton Oswalt in Ratatouille. It's a Pixar film. Ratatouille.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

But that was like the beginning of Pixar dominating. I feel like.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, that was that when they were in their. Really like every Pixar movie is an event.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

We don't really need to advertise it. And they started doing, you know, now it's. Their movies are still good, but like, remember they used to put out one a year and it was a huge deal bangers when it came out and they were all just boom, boom, boom.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And now they're. They. I don't know. I haven't seen the latest one though, so I can't, I can't say.

[Chris D'Elia]

I heard Bourdain said that Ratatouille was his favorite food movie.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, he said. He. They said they got all the kitchen shit right. Because a. Everyone that works in the kitchen is either psychotic or has a really fucked up past. And if you notice when they go through all the cooks, they're all like something. This guy was kind of running guns and this dude was. It's where you end up. Where no one else will hire you. And then they also got all the floor tiles are all fucked up. Cause of all the hot stuff hitting them. And there's always a big pot of potatoes getting peeled.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

Because you always had to have potatoes raised. There's always just there and. Yeah. And it's all stress and screaming and everyone freaking out. They got all. I don't know. I did line cook stuff when I was like a teenager.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

But it was at a real shithole restaurant. I wasn't have that high pressure. No sous chefs fucking critics in here. And there was. Nobody was coming into Frank's family restaurant, Sugarland run to write up a critique.

[Mark Normand]

Gordon Ramsay didn't come in there and yell at you.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, not really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

This pizza's frozen. Yeah. Fuck off, dude. Suburbs of Virginia. What are you expecting here?

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you see that clip of him and that guy just going at it? No, there's a white guy who's talking like he's black. Have you seen that clip?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I can't wait.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, it's incredible. I mean, I don't know how staged this is, but it's. Yeah, it's pretty great. I watched that versus Guy. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Every episode he has shirtless. At one point, he does the. The take off the shirt, put on the.

[Chris D'Elia]

Women love that guy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, who does?

[Mark Normand]

Ramsay. Every episode he gets shirtless. Yeah. He has to take off his T shirt and put on the chef outfit.

[Patton Oswalt]

So he makes sure to write. Look in my contract.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

I got to be switching. Oh, Mr. Ramsay.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I pull up the fight scene.

[Patton Oswalt]

How many shows does he have now? He has, like, five shows, doesn't he?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's like ones with kids, and there's ones with. Oh, my God, there's a kid one.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't see that. He just goes to daycares. He's like, this is filthy. He's a pedophile. Speaking of mailbox money, you see that John Krasinski thing?

[Patton Oswalt]

What?

[Mark Normand]

You know the office, the opening, Doo doo doo, where they're showing pictures of Scranton? He shot all that on a. On a. On a. Like a trip. A road trip with his friends. And he showed it to Greg Daniels, and Daniel's like, can I use this for the opening? And he was like, sure. And he goes, I'll give you a thousand bucks for it. He goes, of course. Take it. I'm just happy to have the role. He would have made zillions just from that.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's doing all right.

[Mark Normand]

I think he's doing fine. But he would have made. Well, that's nice.

[Patton Oswalt]

A lot of. I'm sure you guys know this. A lot of sitcoms. Oh, hang on. All right, so how did he end up doing. Did he make it to the final? How was. How was. How were his soups?

[Mark Normand]

How do you like them apples? Souffleed. Cut.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love on shows where it's all skill based. Like, it has nothing to do with, like, how you play the game or how you do anything mentally. It's just your fucking skills, like cooking or sewing. And there's always one person. I didn't come here to make friends.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Every time.

[Patton Oswalt]

If you have friends or not, if you can either cook or you can't.

[Mark Normand]

No one gives A shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is all American tv, though. You watch, like, the Great British Bake Off. They're all just friends. They're all, like, sweet to each other.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. They don't get this is America.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I was.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. My. My. My first wife, before he was ever the first bachelor, she dated the first bachelor, that guy Alex Michelle, before he was. Before, you know, he was, like, a Harvard guy. And they stayed friends after they dated. And she said when he was doing the show, they would again. This is. This isn't anything new, but, you know, this about reality shows. They would. At the end of the drama episode, they'd all just get together and go, okay, who can still stay? Like, I can stay, do three more weeks. And I got to go. Okay, well, so then make sure to give her a rose. But then you're going to cut her in three weeks, and there's a couple.

[Chris D'Elia]

Other people, like, wait, you're saying it's not real?

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm sorry. Oh, shit.

[Mark Normand]

Fuck. Damn it, man.

[Patton Oswalt]

Because he has that other podcast about the bad. Yeah, the whole thing was just. And there was, like, a couple of people that were clearly psychotic that he's like, we're gonna send them home, right? They're like, can we keep them around for a little bit? Because it's, you know, it's just good. Can't keep. You can't kick him out now. You got to keep. Yeah. So it's all.

[Mark Normand]

You know, they did a Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and all the women got along, so they couldn't air it.

[Patton Oswalt]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they were just like, this is boring. There's no fighting. There's no drama. There's no you.

[Chris D'Elia]

You need toxic people.

[Mark Normand]

You need it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes. Or you need people that are willing to go, hey, can you.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you get mad and. Absolutely.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

A lot of them are building little brands outside of it. So, like, y' all do this right now?

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. I did Last Comic Standing, and they were like, what's your story? And I was like, well, I'm probably gonna lose. You know, that guy's better than me. And they're like, what are you doing? I know you gotta say you hate that guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude, I was on agt, and they were. I was like. They were like, how badly do you want to win this? I'm like, the winner has to do a residency, see, in Vegas. They're like, yeah. I'm like, I don't want to win.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they don't want.

[Chris D'Elia]

They're like, what? I'm like, no. Like, top five is fine. But I don't want to win.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, you can.

[Chris D'Elia]

They were.

[Patton Oswalt]

Please.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Said he did one season. They didn't use any camera airtime of him. And then he said the next season he was like, I'm homeless. And they were like, you're the guy.

[Patton Oswalt]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I don't know if I'm supposed to say that. He told me that. But yeah, the homeless thing, they need an angle. They need a hook.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, they always need that hook. They don't want. They don't want happy, well adjusted people quietly going about their creative career. They want a. A train on fire crash into a mine and killing a bunch of people.

[Mark Normand]

That was the second tower I got out. They want the whole thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

No one comic tried that.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, look, he got pretty far. Let's give him some. He wrote it as long as he could.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's a lot of people doing that where you can tell, like, oh, they're just gonna see how far can I ride this?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it will, it will crash, but I'll get this far with it. And then let's see what we can do.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Didn't Brian Williams say he was like.

[Chris D'Elia]

In the war he lied about something. He said he was in a helicopter.

[Patton Oswalt]

Shot at or he said his helicopter was shot at.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you used to have a great bit about that. I think it was in your half hour presents.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

They all want to be like Edward R. Murrow, but they're all.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're in a safe days in. In the green zone. They could not be closer. Yeah, we can see the. We use the zoom lenses and I'll never forget when I zoomed in on that village on fire five miles away from me.

[Mark Normand]

That changes you.

[Patton Oswalt]

It changes you, you know, it really does.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, they're always trying to like that. They want that. That fucking CV of I was in the middle of the fucking shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, dude, you brought up your first wife. Her book. We do Rex on this pod. I'll Be Gone the Dark is that is one of the best books I've ever read.

[Patton Oswalt]

Thank you.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think I messaged you when I read it, but I was like. I mean it was. And you're. And you did a prologue thing that was so good.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah, I did a. We did a little afterward on it because you know, obviously she wasn't able to finish it, but she did a lot of stuff in the book that helped to. I mean people get. There's again trolls online. You say she fucking captured him single handedly. I never fucking Said that. I said, there's shit in the book that was then used. And it helped it along. No, there's no single person that swoops in and throws the fucking batarang at the villain and knocks him out. It's a collective team effort. And she contributed to it. And. But she did do some. And there was. Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's written like a noir. It's incredible.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's very novelistic.

[Chris D'Elia]

If you haven't read it, you should. It's about the Easteria rapist. And it's. It. Dude. It's.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, she really captures how paranoid people were in those neighborhoods at the time up in Sacramento. It was how people were like hanging tambourines from their doorknobs. They were so terrified of any. And they were all like, keep your lights on. And they would have community meetings. And it was just. The paranoia was insane.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus. And the doc was great, too.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

There was a weird bit of kind of sick irony, I guess, when they caught him and they were doing the press conference and someone asked, did the writer, Michelle McNamara, did she. Any of her work have anything to do with. And then this cop was like, Michelle McNamara's work had nothing to do with the capture of the Golden State Killer. And Golden State Killer was the name she gave him. That was the reason that the case, as Paul Holl said. And this is a really sick thing, a lot of times cases go cold. Cause they don't give the killer a cool name. Like, if you don't give him a cool name like Night Stalker, Zodiac, he was like East Area Rapist original. It just kind of. So then she said Golden State Killer. And that kind of reignited the case.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wasn't he also called the Night Stalker? And then there was like another Night Stalker.

[Patton Oswalt]

That was Richard Ramirez, the original Night Stalker. After the Night Stalker, to add even more confusion to it, there was the Night Stalker. And then there was an article where they went, well, we should call him the Original Night. Even the cops, like, what are you doing? No, we're not trying to do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like the whole HBO Max problem.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Changing the thing. I also love the. The him in court in his wheelchair and he's so fucking frail. And then you can. There's the footage of him going into his cell after he's been sentenced. Immediately out of the chair, starts doing pull ups, like, well, that didn't work. Thought might help. Fuck it. Whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Did you guys watch that Night Stalker? The other one, the Netflix one? Netflix one. It was Just bunch of, like, neighborhood guys who caught the guy. They beat the hell out of him.

[Patton Oswalt]

It like the, like the cops kind of had to save him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

They were gonna kill him.

[Mark Normand]

They were gonna kill him. Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. They spotted him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sometimes vigilante justice is kind of.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Well, again, that's the one. That's the exception that proves the rule. Like they were right. Maybe leave it to the one.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Because a lot of the vigilante shit isn't working right now.

[Mark Normand]

It's really not true.

[Chris D'Elia]

But, but yeah, man. I was. I was reading this book by this guy Matt Murphy called the Book of Murder. And he was. He's like. He. He's like the California prosecutor who did like every case. He did like the Dating Game killer guy, Alcala.

[Patton Oswalt]

Rodney.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Rodney. Oh, dude, it's so good. It's like. Yeah, he's like. He's a good writer, but it's like every. All these cases of people who are just fucking insane.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

What was going on in Northern California at that time?

[Mark Normand]

That's a good question. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, what was going on in Northern California and what was going on up in the Pacific Northwest? Oh, I heard. Did you hear this? Recently there's an article about lead poisoning. They think that. Yeah. This woman wrote a whole book about all the chemicals up there she thinks caused. But then again that there were also millions of people that were living in Tacoma. The Tacoma aroma. And all this smells so bad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Such a bad smell there.

[Patton Oswalt]

But that they didn't become killers. So it seems a little weird. I mean, I, I again, I wouldn't surprise me if didn't it. Once they took lead out of gasoline, the homicide rate went down. There wasn't. And IQs went up.

[Mark Normand]

And I. Yeah, interesting.

[Patton Oswalt]

So that I think that's part of it. But. Yeah, but there is a Ted Bundy, Green River Killer. Who else was up there? There was a bunch of people up in the Pacific Northwest. Although if you go to the Pacific Northwest, it is also so goddamn gloomy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's a reason that grunge came out of there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's a very specific reason why Nirvana and Pearl Jam came out of the Pacific Northwest. There's a fucking mood. Ted Bundy, the Green River Killer.

[Chris D'Elia]

This guy Weston. Allen Dot.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who? I don't know. Oh, Wesley. Allen. Wesley. Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Where's Ruby Ridge? Is that up there?

[Patton Oswalt]

I thought that was in the Midwest. I think it's in Idaho, but I'm looking.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Idaho's got some dark shit happening.

[Mark Normand]

It's Wacky over there. There's too much space. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Coeur d', Alene, Idaho. There's some. There's some weirdness right up there in the Pacific Northwest.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's that same sludge a little bit, right?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, but, yeah, there's a lot of.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sad stories just out of there. You're right. The space. Like when I had the flu, I was. I was. That movie into the Wild was on. I was like, this is like the saddest story. Oh, yeah, because that was. That's just a dude who. He was like, I'm bored.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's just, you know, I'm gonna just live in the wilderness.

[Patton Oswalt]

But also like the massiveness of. If I've done, like, you know, Wichita and all the plains stays Nebraska and stuff like that. Omaha and the vastness out there really creeps me out. I'm not meant to live out on the plains.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, they really.

[Patton Oswalt]

There is.

[Chris D'Elia]

Meanwhile, they're listening to this. Like, you live literally in a 400 square foot apartment.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. With hobos throwing shit.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, but like. But I think there are certain. Look, there are certain people who absolutely belong on the plains and will thrive there and would go insane in a city. Just like someone who's actually comfortable in a. Literally living in a utility closet.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Would you take them out in the planes and they should start killing everybody.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Well, there's a creepiness out there where you kill your wife in the. In the basement, you know, or you tie up a kid out here. At least it's out in front, you know, you see a hobo jerking off, you're like, all right, I know he's there. He's out of my house.

[Patton Oswalt]

So if you kill a family member, it's hours toward any food. Like here, you kill someone, you walk down, you get a slice. Three in the morning, they're open like bodega. You could maybe. And maybe, like, maybe. Did you want to kill your partner or were you just hungry, you know, out there? You're not gonna. Yeah, exactly. It's gonna be. You gotta. You gotta render a deer.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, you know, black people say I like a. What are the rebel flags? I know the racist guy is there or whatever. It's almost better to have it. That's how I feel about the guy jerking. And I'm like, I know he's there.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Yeah, there he is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You never heard of Prairie Death? Those flat. Those flat lands out there, you know, some guy and his wife on a farm, and he would just end up killing her because it was just the same thing every day. Just go to the farm. She's the only thing, you know. You never see other people. There's no tv, there's no nothing. You just learn.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's a weird little indie horror movie called the Wind, and it's about settlers on the plains and how the wind drove them crazy.

[Mark Normand]

And there's a.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's an amazing book called Wisconsin Death Trip. And it's. And it's all about, like, all the madness that was going on out there in the plains, like in the 1800s. All these newspaper articles about people, settlers that weren't used to that landscape going out there and going fucking nuts.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the earth is flat. You just can never. There's no hump.

[Patton Oswalt]

It never ends.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. We talk about phones making us crazy, but this seems worse.

[Mark Normand]

That's the other end of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Phones is too much stimulus. That's not enough.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, right.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, you're right. There's a. Just right. And we've missed it twice now.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

First we got that there's no stimulus. Now we're overstimulated. We're going crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Patton Oswalt]

We gotta get the just right.

[Mark Normand]

The rats are coming. Was that was it? That was the peak. Peak in entertainment.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love that. There's a movie titled that. That just sounds like your mom who's just had it with you. The rats are. The werewolves are here. All right. And the rats are coming.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, God.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was going through your IMDb and how cool is it to be unjustified? You're so good on that show.

[Mark Normand]

You're on every show.

[Patton Oswalt]

That fucking show is so good.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's amazing.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love that I getting to do first.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you play kind of a badass on it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I play a guy. You don't realize is a badass until, like, there's certain people that they're just. They're Animal Kingdom badasses where they're. They're badass if they're buying a bagel. Like, they're just badass all the time. And I'm the kind of character that's. I'm badass when the shit finally comes down, but in everyday life, I'm just a kind of a schlub. And, you know, very. And it's based on. The character I play is based on a guy they met down there who was a constable who said, yeah, this is a position. You have to run for it. I have to buy all the lights on my car. I have to buy all my own equipment. It's like A guy who wants to be a cop.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it's an elected official. And they went, okay, let's make him a character. And then they decided, okay, let's have him go through one of the gnarliest fucking torture scenes.

[Mark Normand]

Now, when you audition, are you like, I'm not getting this. I'm not cop guy. I'm not badass.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was a little worried just because I was a huge fan of the show before I got on it. And. And I just. The people that are on that show, Jerry Burns and. And Timothy Oliphant and. And Nick Searcy, like, all these amazing character actors, and I'm like, oh, God, I don't want to be a shitty part of a great show. Like, it's. It's good to be, like, if you're great in something shitty and people go, hey, you did a good job. Movie wasn't good. But if you are on a show that's already great, you're coming in season four. You're like, all I can do is this.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

Really, really worried. I don't want to be Cousin Oliver.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, I want to add to this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Goggins, too, on that show. So freaking good.

[Patton Oswalt]

God. Goggins was.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, to play a likable white supremacist. I'm like, man, you're good. You're a good actor.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, you're weird. And. And also the. The fact that all of the. Half the time, it gets Elmer, Leonard. The women are leading the men around by their noses. They just don't realize it. Like, it's all about these badass dudes, and then behind them is a woman just manipulating them and getting to do. Exactly. I mean, season two, Margot Martindale. Margot Martindale, she won the award. I think she won the Emmy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Unreal in it.

[Patton Oswalt]

She was unreal. And I think they were thinking of keeping her alive, and then they realized, well, no, if we keep her alive, that should just. Then that'll be the show.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Look at Elmore Leonard's fucking.

[Patton Oswalt]

So they. So they gave her a. They gave her an amazing death.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah, it was that. Dude, that season was incredible. That show is so. The writing. That's the thing, too. Like, you get gifted with this great dialogue if you adapt Elmore Leonard stuff.

[Patton Oswalt]

But it's just right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

But then also you're like, man, the bar is so high. You don't want to fuck it up, Right?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, you got to. What you got to do, because I read a lot of Elmore Leonard. You have to deliver It. The way he writes it, which is super simple. Meme tail, like, do the least you can possibly do with it. That's how it'll work the best. If you watch Timothy Olyphant in the show, there's no effort in how he's delivering anything. Like, that's the true badass. They're just completely calm and all right, here's what we're gonna do right now. And that. That scene when he is going up against Win Duffy and he just knocks him to the ground, takes one bullet out of his gun and drops it on his chest and goes, next one's gonna come a lot quicker.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God, that's fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who is that? What's his name? The guy who plays Wind Duffy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Sherry Burns.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's incredible.

[Patton Oswalt]

God, he's so good. That line where. Cause he's always in his rv, he's like, trying to be this kind of on the road crime lord. And when Timothy Olliphan is threatening him outside his rv, and then he just goes, well, it's been nice talking to you. I'm gonna go inside and watch women's tennis.

[Mark Normand]

So I gotta ask. Well, hopefully I'm a little hungover, so I hope I got the right movie. You made out with Charlize Theron in a movie?

[Patton Oswalt]

Theron?

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Come on.

[Patton Oswalt]

That movie, it's called Young Adult.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

And it's Jason Reitman. Diablo Cody wrote it. And fucking Charlize Theron. She's one of those actors kind of puts the method to shame because she can fall into. She plays such a despicable person in this movie, but you can't stop watching her because she's like, how can a person be this shitty?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And you kind of know that she.

[Chris D'Elia]

Looks like Charlize Theron. So that's why you can't stop watching her.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's why. But then they would yell cut. And she'd go. She'd be Charlize. And, hey, what's going on? Just talking and really chill. And then action. And then just dropped. Right. I worked with some actors who were like, I'm gonna be in character. And so while we're on this thing, I'm gonna be kind of weird character that you worked with I don't want to name, but.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, no, no. Okay. I'll actually. I'll say one. Because he was actually kind of cool about it. He was very nice. But when I did man on the Moon with Jim Carrey, you met him in the morning, he was like, hi, I'm Jim. Welcome to the Thing I'm gonna be Andy the rest of this. I'm just letting you know. But he would. He would do that thing where he would at least say hello to you.

[Mark Normand]

That's nice.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then he'd go to know that people gonna.

[Chris D'Elia]

They let you know they're gonna be crazy the rest of the day.

[Patton Oswalt]

Exactly. Yeah. And. And then it. It. It worked, like. But he was so committed. So committed that in my scene, I'm supposed to say, because he's working at Jerry's Deli and I'm a diner in Jerry's Deli. And I go, hey, aren't you Andy Kaufman? And for some reason, it was like 6am and I was really tired and went, action. Went, aren't you Jim Carrey? Cut. And then he started laughing as Andy Kaufman. Like, I don't know who Jim Carrey is.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Patton Oswalt]

But he stayed there. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I blew this.

[Mark Normand]

Was that a nightmare? A little bit. You're at the craft service. Like, come on, Jim. Him. What are we doing here?

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, I was not gonna bother him. I wasn't gonna. No. If a guy. If someone's doing that, let them do that. That's what they need. Although somebody did point out, it is kind of interesting. I mean, Jim Carrey was an exception because he was so nice.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Patton Oswalt]

But a lot of times when people are going, I'm method and I need to be in my character, it's always when they're playing assholes.

[Mark Normand]

It's never when they're playing a really.

[Patton Oswalt]

Nice guy and they want, like, Lincoln.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. Daniel Day.

[Mark Normand]

There Will Be Blood.

[Patton Oswalt]

Not just Lincoln. Gangs of New York. He got pneumonia because he wouldn't wear clothing. They had, like, special clothing that would keep them warm. He goes, I will only wear period clothing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Got himself sick and. And so he was like, I will not do anything outside of this.

[Mark Normand]

That'd be fun if he was so method. He got typhoid. Like, he got an old, Old disease. Yeah. Like Charlize. I mean, come on. That was a hot scene.

[Patton Oswalt]

That was amazing.

[Mark Normand]

When you got the part, you must been like, yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, it was. Yes. But it was also like, so I'm gonna be nude next to one of the most physically perfect human being. Like, I can't do a nude scene with John Goodman or Giamatti. It has to be with this Nexus 6 Android. Like, literally no flaws. Like, it could not just. Yeah, it was a little weird. Can I play this?

[Chris D'Elia]

Quick clip, real quick? It's Norm interviewing Jim Carrey. About man on the Moon. Oh, nice.

[Patton Oswalt]

He says, do you remember when you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Came and visited set.

[Mark Normand]

Do you remember when you came and visited the set of man on the Moon? Oh, sure, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was also in the film. That's great. I heard they tried to make a young adult too, and they couldn't get it moving.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Oh, that's.

[Patton Oswalt]

They tried to make it into a TV series and. Yeah. We were going to be on a cruise together. She gets something like tickets to a cruise, something, and has literally no one to take with her. So she goes, all right, so then she takes me and then we have this weird misadventure and it never. Just never happened.

[Chris D'Elia]

God, it's hard to sell shit.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

It is. Very. The stuff that you find out later that doesn't sell is baffling. I found out a few years ago there is. I get. Maybe there's a reason for this. This is way before Lin Manuel did Hamilton, so he wasn't Lin Manuel Miranda yet, but he and Weird Al Yankovic were developing a musical based on that documentary, the King of Kong.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I love that.

[Patton Oswalt]

The guy that's obsessed with Donkey Kong and then the villain and stuff. And they could not, could not give it away to people on Broadway and it never happened. And then, of course, Lynn became massive and.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

I wonder why they don't try to remake it now.

[Patton Oswalt]

Could be maybe they'll go back to it. I don't know. But, like, it would be that. Did you watch Weird Al's Move? That weird movie?

[Chris D'Elia]

I saw parts. I didn't see the whole thing, but.

[Mark Normand]

I love what I saw.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

It is such a piss take on every music biopic.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Because midway through, you know, they. They completely throw the facts overboard. Like. Like. Like you were saying, look, this actually isn't an interesting story because he's just a nice guy who got married. And so they just completely go off the rails to make it a interesting movie. And it's complete bullshit. Yeah, and it's one of the funniest. It's up. That and that movie Walk Hard is just. Those two are an amazing double feature where they just fucking make fun of everything.

[Mark Normand]

Boy, they're churning out the biopics now. We got the Bruce Springsteen one. We had the Bob Dylan.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

John. Before that, we had Freddie Mercury, who.

[Patton Oswalt]

Would be a really. I just saw that Becoming Led Zeppelin documentary.

[Mark Normand]

I watched it too.

[Patton Oswalt]

It was good, but it was like. Because it had so much absolute band approval, obviously we're not going to get into the weirdness because there was Some weirdness attached to their genius.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

That they're clearly like, we're not talking about that.

[Mark Normand]

The blues music, the underage stuff.

[Patton Oswalt]

Teenagers.

[Chris D'Elia]

I had a woman. I had a woman lecture me about Woody Allen. And I met a girl in a barn Friday, and she was lecturing me about, like, how Woody Allen sucks. And I was like, have you seen any of his movies? And she's like, no. I was like, well, then you can't just say that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Literally, fucking Zeppelin's playing in the bar.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it was.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cashmere was on. And I was like. I was like, do you like this song? She goes, I do. I go, he fucked a 14 year old.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was like, you should like, we.

[Mark Normand]

Could do this all day.

[Chris D'Elia]

Separate some stuff is all I'm saying. And she was like, no.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, damn.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, it's up to. I think it's up to each person. What are you able to separate and what are you not? I mean, one of the. One of my top 10 movies of the 21st century was the Mel Gibson movie Apocalypto. I mean, I completely hate Mel Gibson and everything he stands for.

[Chris D'Elia]

Have you met him?

[Patton Oswalt]

I've never. Well, I met him very briefly, and again, he's very nice, but the shit that he does is like, the fuck, dude. But he's also a brilliant fucking filmmaker. And there are unfortunately a lot of brilliant artists that are fucked up people. You know, Knowing what I know about Roman Polanski doesn't stop me. Re watching Chinatown every few years and going, this is one of the best movies ever made. I get, we gotta deal with it in bed.

[Mark Normand]

Death. They say, no, still a great movie.

[Patton Oswalt]

I thought you meant deathbed.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, bed death. Bed death. That's what lesbians have. Isn't that what they call it? Yeah, yeah. Lesbian.

[Patton Oswalt]

What does that mean?

[Chris D'Elia]

They stop having sex with each other after a few years.

[Mark Normand]

I think that's everybody quicker than that. I think. Yeah. I think they move in.

[Patton Oswalt]

Lesbian Bed Death sounds like a really good, like, hardcore band name. We're gonna see tonight's Guadalcanal Diary and Lesbian Bed Death. They're at the. They're at the smell.

[Mark Normand]

It's a Pacific Northwest band. Yeah, they're gloomy as the gloomies. They also say, u hauling. They call it U hauling.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

When lesbians move, because they move in like they scissor and then they move right in.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think we were grilling Fortune Feimster on all this stuff. Last time she was here, we were like, wait, what's this one?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, Were you, like, treating her like a. Like a weird anthropological.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes. Tell us more.

[Patton Oswalt]

What is this? It's like you're Diane Mead studying the Samoans. So what is the mating ritual like? You. And. Do you. What. At what age does this happen or exactly. Yeah, that's right.

[Chris D'Elia]

U haul lesbian.

[Mark Normand]

U haul lesbian. There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

The idea that lesbians tend to move in together after a short period of time, it suggests an extreme inclination toward committed relationships.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, so she. Bet. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

This is all like. I don't. Again, if I was especially, like, someone who's really, like, homophobic, I would just make up terms and get them all paranoid and start using them. Like. Well, that's a thing. We call that SpaghettiOs. What's SpaghettiOs? Well, that's the thing where you kind of spoon, but you spoon in a circle. And once you reach that stage, you can only do it once. And then after that, it's like the relationship is all that. So when you see. And you gotta. You know. They say it all the time, but you don't hear it.

[Mark Normand]

You don't know to listen to it.

[Patton Oswalt]

You'll hear it all the time now. Like, oh, yeah, we spaghettioed, man. Get them.

[Mark Normand]

They're not making more sex. You know, you had the donkey punch, the Houdini, the rusty trombone, the dirty Sanchez. They kind of ended that. Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

We've run out of our weird sex terms, haven't we?

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know what it is? I think Urban Dictionary came out before. You had to make them up and they would take off.

[Chris D'Elia]

And now also some of them, the donkey punch, I'm like, that's just like, a assault.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Some of them you're like, all right, you came on the back. That's, you know, forgivable. But then one's just throwing fists.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Some of it sounds like they're trying to, like, grandfather in just hitting somebody.

[Mark Normand]

It's called a.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's called strawberry shortcake.

[Mark Normand]

I think that's one of them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Push a woman down a flight of.

[Patton Oswalt]

Stairs and you punch your nose. It starts bleeding. Strawberry shortcake. You just. You just want to hit someone in the face. What are you doing? Yeah, yeah. So this actually gets us right into peeves.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got some peeves. You know what's peeving me right now, right? I had someone the other day go, like, the other day, I was telling a story, and she goes, too much information.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's a classic.

[Chris D'Elia]

Always tmi. My uncle does it, too. He's a fucking doctor.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, I'll Say something. I'm like, oh, this is bothering me. He's like, okay, you're a doctor. I need. I need actual advice.

[Patton Oswalt]

I can't say. Yeah, that's like a therapist going tmi, dude, this is not the time or place.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Also, have you heard of Google or chat? Gbt. That's all it is, is information. I thought we liked information. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, folks. We only drink is brought to you by Sheath. Everything in your house is a place where it goes. Except for your dick and balls. Give your junk a place to go with sheath underwear.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm wearing them.

[Mark Normand]

Same here.

[Chris D'Elia]

I wear them every day. They're my favorite.

[Mark Normand]

That's all I got. I threw out the other ones that I burned them. Put your dick and your balls in the pouch. You'll experience comfort like you never have before. We love them. It's all I wear. The other ones are crap. This is good stuff.

[Chris D'Elia]

They don't. They don't Swiss cheese on you. They stay intact. I love them.

[Mark Normand]

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[Chris D'Elia]

It really is the best.

[Mark Normand]

It is.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't use the pouch, though. Do you?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Chris D'Elia]

They supposed to put your balls in the pouch?

[Mark Normand]

I don't.

[Chris D'Elia]

I just wear them. Like regular underwear?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't. It's funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's the whole thing. I don't use. Do you ever wear them? They're pretty good, dude. I mean. I mean, it's all I wear. Summer's flying by and it's almost time for pants season. This fall, you need jeans that are stretchy, durable, and comfortable. It's time for the perfect jean with waist sizes from 26 to 52 lengths from 26 to 36, and six different fits to choose from. Your pants will look and feel like they were made just for you. I mean, I would love a pair of these. Have you tried these yet? The perfect jeans. They sound amazing.

[Mark Normand]

All the jeans I wear are perfect jeans.

[Chris D'Elia]

I gotta get them. I can't wait.

[Mark Normand]

They're great. They fit great. They look great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, I can't wait to Try these. Need to dress up a little more. Throwing a pair of the den khakis. You got everything you already love about their jeans, but in a chino style fabric so they're a little more polished while keeping all the comfort. Yeah, see, I like the look of khakis, but I don't like khakis. That's why I wear like. These are kind of nice too. Like they're stretchy and they're nice, but they're not. It comforts everything.

[Mark Normand]

At this point, I completely agree.

[Chris D'Elia]

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[Mark Normand]

Very good. I wear them on stage all the time. They're very, very nice. Thank you, Gene.

[Patton Oswalt]

Tmi, the thing that drives me crazy right now, it's a peeve. And I mean, I know that it's being done out of love, but whenever I'm having a discussion with my wife and let's say we disagree on something, especially a health issue thing like, hey, you really need to really strongly rinse out the sponge in the sink and then put it on the drying rack so it doesn't grow mold. And I'm like, well, but every time I use it, I turn the hot water on and put soap on it so it doesn't just get cleaned. And I'll try to do. I understand, but I don't think that's a big deal as you're making it. Half an hour later, she will have found some Instagram video that she has sent me going, these are the five reasons you should never, never not put your sponge in a microwave. These will kill your family. Instagram has all it's all scare shit about health and that. And you can attach it to any argument and then send it to your loved one to go See.

[Chris D'Elia]

You can find anything on the Internet.

[Patton Oswalt]

To scare and you can find anything to contradict. It's all useless.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Chris D'Elia]

I have googled when I was sick. Is whiskey good for a cold? There'll be an article being like, yeah, some whiskey's good. Yeah, yeah, you can trick yourself.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. Also, aren't we at this? They just came out with this. No alcohol is good for you. It's all bad for you. Remember a couple years ago, a glass of red wine a night. The tannins are really good for you. Fine. No, actually, that's wrong. No alcohol is good for you. I just feel like there's a basement with a dry erase board on the wall, and they just go, okay. So for these two years, we'll say, a glass of wine is good. Then we're gonna say, no, yeah, don't drink any. Then you can sell your stock. Then we'll come back with, actually, we did some new stuff. It just all feels so arbitrary.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I just went on Grok. They said Jews were bad.

[Chris D'Elia]

Subway takes. What's your take? Jews are in a lot of trouble.

[Patton Oswalt]

I love that he. I love that he created this AI. And the AI keeps trying to be progressive and woke. So then he goes in and reprograms it to be, like, a weird Nazi. So it's like this guy. It's like a father. It's almost like we're watching the way his father probably raised him, where he's like, you know, daddy, I made these new friends in school. You can't be friends with Jews.

[Mark Normand]

Gun. Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right. And then so he's just. But he's doing it on a machine level, and he's doing it to a thing that can someday launch nukes. Like, we're watching the Skynet origin story, but it's just a guy going, say the Jews suck.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

But they. I think everyone's kind of. God damn it, we're rewriting your programming. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Dad's teaching me to wave like this.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. If you're a Jew, stay off Twitter. Trust me, it's not a lot of good PR going for us right there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. All I do. We were talking about this. All I do on Twitter is I just post a show thing and that's it. Like, here, show coming up. And then half of it is, you pedophile. Because there's anything. They can just make anything, anything. Now it doesn't matter.

[Mark Normand]

Of course. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's what you are.

[Mark Normand]

I look at my old Twitter, and it was all zingers and puns and jokes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Goofy.

[Mark Normand]

Now you post that, and it was like, what? We don't care.

[Patton Oswalt]

I need.

[Mark Normand]

I need a woman getting fist. I need something.

[Patton Oswalt]

I need. I need something to make me angry.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yeah. Culture war.

[Patton Oswalt]

Remember early Twitter? How just goofy. It was fun. Just. It felt like comedians Hanging out, just bapping, you know, bapping. Bopping jokes off each other.

[Mark Normand]

Bapping.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jesus Christ. One of my favorite tweets of all time. This comedian, Adrienne Earhart. It's one of the funniest tweets I've ever. She goes, my waiter in this Mexican restaurant just brought my entree over to the only other blonde white woman here. I get it now. And then the next line says, oh, wait, that's not my waiter. So it just like.

[Mark Normand]

That's great. Boom. That's like a two act play.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just. It was so beautifully constructed. And now to be like. But see, actually, that is how they should have called screaming on you.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it'll swing back. Yeah, it always does.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think. Because then it becomes cool to be like, fuck, it's gone too far. Now I'm fucking bored. And yeah, it'll swing back.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Now it's cool to not have tattoos.

[Patton Oswalt]

Remember all of our ironic pedophile jokes we used to tell back in the early August?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Mine aren't ironic. Oh, boy.

[Patton Oswalt]

They can bring those back.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was. There was a documentary on HBO about QAnon.

[Mark Normand]

I saw it storm or something.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. And so they talk about how QAnon believes that Hollywood elites are run like a child pedophile, cannibal thing. And they put up a picture of Oprah and then Tom Hanks and then me.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I was like, ah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then you're mad to be called a pedophile. You're like, I'm in good company here.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, the next day, my agents called. They were like, did you see the QAnon thing? I'm like, I know a list.

[Mark Normand]

How about, Oprah's a pedo. You get a kid. You get a kid.

[Chris D'Elia]

Also Tom Hanks. I saw that, like, Elon Musk reposted the things get the most followers of anyone on Twitter. He was like, this guy's a pedo. And it's like, Elon. Yeah, it was something where he reposted calling Tom Hanks a pedo. And I was like, is this legal?

[Patton Oswalt]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

Defamation?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't know Elon went all in on the hangover.

[Chris D'Elia]

There was a whole thing about, you know, I don't know if you saw an article the other day, these people who are accusing Brigitte Macron of being a man.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

They got off. They were like, it's not defamation, which is a rough headline. They're like, it's like, she is a woman in the headline. But it's not defamation because of Free speech. And it was done in good spirit. Which I'm like, I don't know if it was done in good spirits.

[Patton Oswalt]

Good spirits.

[Chris D'Elia]

It doesn't seem like a spirited approach spirit, but that's a rough headline. I think it was a telegraph and it just said, yeah, it turns out this is not defamation. You're like, yeah, if you're a woman. That's rough to hear.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, that's. Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's gonna be really interesting to see how all of the social media shit ends up shaking out. There'll be like a weird pushback from whatever the generation is after Gen Z that there seems to be a Gen Alpha, a rebellion about, like, I'm not online. I think that'll become the new statuses. I can't be found online. If you can contact me if I give you my cell phone number, like, that'll be. The new status is it's actually hard to reach me.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's kind of attractive when someone tells you they're not on social media.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah. It's like so rare. Like, oh, really? Did you hear house phones are coming back.

[Mark Normand]

Landlines.

[Chris D'Elia]

Landlines are coming back in the house. Gen Alpha, you know, basically, kids are requesting these phones be put back in the house because they don't like the.

[Patton Oswalt]

Texting because it leaves a record or whatever.

[Chris D'Elia]

So they said, let's just have a phone conversation.

[Mark Normand]

Good for them.

[Patton Oswalt]

Good for them.

[Chris D'Elia]

That is smart. I've sent some texts. I'm like, ooh, I shouldn't have said that.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was on Instagram and Jack White posted that. He goes, I just. Now he goes, I just turned 50 and I got my first cell phone. Like, he'd never owned a cell phone. And I was like, oh, my God. But then you look at, at. Look at the amount of stuff he's done. Like, look at his body of work. Of course, his stuff is incredible. Tarantino is. Is not anywhere online. I don't, I don't think he has. Or if he has a cell phone. Like, I think it's assistant.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's why he talks so much when he's on any show. Yeah, but he's not posting anyone on.

[Patton Oswalt]

Exactly. But he's also. He's thinking deeply about shit. And that's why he makes movies that you can rewatch and argue about, because he sat and thought about them and he had time to watch into him 9,000 movies and watch 9,000 movies.

[Mark Normand]

I'm watching a movie with my phone out now. Scrolling with the movie on. It's pathetic.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, not if It's a good one. If it's a newer movie, I'll do that. But if it's like, if I know I'm watching a classic, I'm like, phone in the other room, I want to watch.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's the new thing among the film nerds. It's called Raw Dogging. It's where you watch a movie and you don't. You never once look at your phone, and it's hard to do.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

But when you actually get into it, you remember. Oh, yeah. Every one of these scenes, even if the scene doesn't work, it mattered. They thought it mattered. That's why it's in here. So it's very instructive to watch that shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

My friend was sick, and she's like, give me a movie wreck, like an old one. So I was like, watch out of the Past with Robert Mitchum. And she just said, I fucking love that movie so much.

[Patton Oswalt]

Me too.

[Chris D'Elia]

But, like, every dialogue in it is so fucking good. You miss lines if you're on your phone.

[Patton Oswalt]

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just that. The dialogue is so good. The way the actors deliver it. Like, you see them, you can feel how they got the script earlier that day, and we're like. Like, I am gonna fucking make a meal of this. This is gonna be amazing. And the way. Especially out of the past, the way they exhale the cigarette smoke and the way it's lit, like. You know, that cinematographer was like, oh, let's light this smoke, man. Cause that. That's just as much of Shows these characters as what they're saying and what they're doing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it looked cool as hell.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my gosh.

[Chris D'Elia]

That line where she's, you know, she's trying to be. She's trying to win him back, that evil woman. He's just like. You're like, leaf A that flows from one gutter to the next.

[Mark Normand]

Heavy.

[Chris D'Elia]

So funny.

[Mark Normand]

See, when you can't say that's such a. You have to get creative, and you got to write some, you know?

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I love how in the Maltese Falcon, they snuck the word gunzel in there, which became. It meant, oh, a guy like a hired gun that you have, like, gun, gun, G U N S C L. That's what they call Elijah Cook's character. Hey, you got this gunzilla waiting for me in the. But it's actually. It's like a Yiddish word for, like, rent boy.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

And if you watch the movie again, you realize Sidney Green Street, Elijah Cook is His little fuck boy. Because they mentioned. I spotted him just like your boy in Istanbul. Like, he's just this guy that travels around and, like, finds young boys and gives them a gun and goes, you're gonna protect me. Yeah, that's right.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

So there's all this. There's a lot of, like. I love those old movies. All this hidden stuff, stuff, you know, that they. Obviously, they can't. Like you said, you can't say. But there's ways you can sneak it in.

[Mark Normand]

I heard Kevin Spacey's in the sequel that. Oh, Kevin had something on the phones and I lost it by brain Bush. Yeah, the landline.

[Chris D'Elia]

You had a bit about the landline.

[Mark Normand]

I did, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I mean, it is to me. It's so funny you say it's about erasing your text history. Because I just thought, like, oh, it's like, cool. It's like. Like the way. Like having DVDs or, like, records.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But I think Gen Z, if you notice, they're. They're more reserved.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because they're always on high alert. Like, we could fuck up. We could shit our pants. We get beat up and it wasn't. There wasn't a record of it. Yeah, I got beat up as a kid. Thank God there wasn't eight phones out. You know. Then it goes up on TikTok the next day. Yeah. So I think kids are a little more nervous to, like, cut loose.

[Chris D'Elia]

Also, you see those kids fighting videos online now. I don't see him as much, but when Elon first took over Twitter, it was all like, fight Haven on my timeline. And kids are getting punched in the face. Everyone's cheering them. Like, I don't know who the good guy is in this scenario. I'm just seeing where he hit you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. According to Grock, it was the white kid. But, yeah, it's crazy. Some of those videos are like. It's. The handle is called, like, don't watch this or death video. Or, you know, scary. And I watch every one of them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Don't watch this.

[Mark Normand]

I know it's like two in the morning and I'm like, I gotta go to bed.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, God, that. That's the worst for me. I really have to make a concerted effort before I go to sleep to get the phone across the room because otherwise I'll scroll. I'll scroll till dawn. I know one after the other. And I know what I'm doing. I know. I'm just looking for my little serotonin boost. Just hitting them over and over. Again, I do a whole bit about. It was. First it was blackhead extraction videos. Then I discovered hoof cleaning videos.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's good stuff.

[Patton Oswalt]

So soothing.

[Mark Normand]

Soothing.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then there's the. There's the. There's that woman that would power clean houses. Like hoarder houses.

[Mark Normand]

This is pretty wholesome. I gotta say. You go a lot worse.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, and then there was that. There's the lawn care guy. He has a YouTube channel.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm realizing Patton's a way better person than us.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, this is healthy.

[Patton Oswalt]

But it's still. I'm searching for the same distraction. Like, can't you just be alone with your fucking thoughts? No. Another one, another one, another. And now there's a new one. It's. It's. It's weird. There's. Have you seen the drain pipe unclogging video?

[Mark Normand]

I like that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Where they drag a tire through it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I realized it's basically. It's the manual labor version of creating a money shot because it's all the built up tension. And then that thing just blows.

[Mark Normand]

You're like, yeah, right?

[Patton Oswalt]

And so you're just. Yeah, there it is. This thing is clogged. How are we going to unclog this?

[Mark Normand]

This.

[Patton Oswalt]

How are we gonna get a big this? We need a big release here.

[Mark Normand]

It's funny. We spend millions on Marvel special effects.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what I want. I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

Maybe we don't.

[Chris D'Elia]

Writers, they can compete with a guy eating a sandwich in his car and then raiding the sandwich.

[Mark Normand]

Right? AI can't do this.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, it can't. No, it'll never be able to do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I get a lot of those videos, the dudes just eating food and being like, I was told to try this new Wendy's thing. And I'm like, all right, let's see.

[Mark Normand]

We'll write a bid for six months. It'll never top the views on that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you'll never. He's gonna bust.

[Mark Normand]

Hold on, wait. A tire went through there?

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, you pull a tire and look at. Look at it.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Patton Oswalt]

Now it's all coming out.

[Mark Normand]

Two girl, one cup. That is exciting.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like a birth video.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

So how was a truck pulling that? Because you need a lot of toy. You pull a tire through that pipe.

[Patton Oswalt]

Dude, it's a truck.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. This is good stuff. I'll probably go over and watch that. That'll clean out my feed a little.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think Gen Z is gonna be immune to all this. And we're gonna be the generation that just got gobbled up whole by the Internet, Gen X, and especially boomers complaining about kids being on their phones. No one's on their phone more than fucking boomers. It is such a novelty to them, and they love it. And they are constantly swiping on those.

[Mark Normand]

Things, and it's like eyeglass on the nose. The phone's over here. And they'll still do face paint. They'll fight with people on Facebook. And you're like, oh, wow, you're on. You're online constantly and old.

[Patton Oswalt]

I wonder if it's so attractive to boomers because they are older, so they can't get out as much. But if you're online and you're reading stories on Facebook, you're justifying why you're not leaving your house. Like, it's horrible out there. Look at everything that's going on there. Everything's being murdered.

[Chris D'Elia]

No one sends me more articles or those videos than my mom and dad.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. About how horrible things are. Watch out for this, honey. I know that you travel a lot and you're just like, this is fucking bullshit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Didn't you used to have a bit about how, like, don't walk around with a phone or something?

[Patton Oswalt]

In the 80s, right. When cell phones came out, I had a friend's mom say, if you are in a black or Hispanic neighborhood, don't take out your cell phone. Cause they'll know you're rich and they'll kill you. I remember that specific line she said to me, and that was one of the first times I was like, I think adults are full of shit. This works.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah. No, that. This. I had a point I was gonna make, and I thought I was gonna make it.

[Mark Normand]

We're probably gonna go back to the brick. I bet the brick. Nokia. I bet that comes back.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, like a stylish kind of retro.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

Some people have the flip. I mean, a tell is a flip phone.

[Mark Normand]

Some people. But don't you miss? Like, my wife is younger than me, so she's all text all day. What are you up to? Sending me videos, sending me clips. And you long for the days. Our parents went to work at 8:30, got there at 9, did a full day, finished at 5, came home at 6, and they had shit to talk about.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm texting with her throughout the day.

[Chris D'Elia]

Missed each other.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Right. But imagine. So what's going on? Like, you know what's going on.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Or like they'll be driving home from somewhere. Like you're. You're at home doing something and they're late. Like. Like, hey, I'm. And they, like, they have you on FaceTime, and it's like, okay, I'll see when you get home. Well, let's just talk now. I'm just driving.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Patton Oswalt]

We don't have anything to. Just come home and we'll.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then you're supposed to have dinner together. On top of that, you're like, we're out of shit.

[Mark Normand]

I'm done.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just let me just do stuff and we'll talk when you get here.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. That's why I always say the road is a. Is a marriage saver.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Doing the road, it gets you out there.

[Chris D'Elia]

You come back the road hard.

[Patton Oswalt]

I don't do it like you guys do it where I don't have the stamina to go weeks on end. Like, you went out with a bus, right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it was hardcore.

[Patton Oswalt]

Were you doing, like, day rooms instead of hotel rooms like you'd get?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I sleep on the bus.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, you slept on the bus?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah, I like sleeping on the bus. Well, if the bus is moving, it just rocks you to sleep. I like this.

[Patton Oswalt]

Nice. Yeah. I try to go out for a weekend and come home. I can't do that. I mean, I used to do that, like, three months out, just, you know, in a. When I was doing Comedians of Comedy, we were in a van.

[Mark Normand]

Dang.

[Patton Oswalt]

We would all steal pillows from our hotel rooms, and by the middle of the tour, we had, like, built these cocoons around ourselves. So it's like me and Zach Galifianakis and Maria Bamford and Brian Posen. We look like silkworms in our little seats. Just kind of. I can see.

[Mark Normand]

Pose. Being pretty comfy. He's like a big beanbag. Yeah, he's.

[Patton Oswalt]

He. We usually give him the front seat so he can, like, lean back a little bit.

[Chris D'Elia]

That is. I remember that. That show is that. How did that come together was that you guys were like, we're doing this, or.

[Patton Oswalt]

It was me. It was me and Zach doing. I did a. I did a show at the 40 watt in Athens, and it was so fucking good, because at the time, I was on King of Queens, which was a great show, but a lot of the crowds that I was getting, they were like, oh, King of Queens. We watch it with our families. And, like, the stuff I was doing really wasn't, like, landing with them. I'm like, I need to kind of find my audience. And I went and did this, like, tiny music festival and that kind of crowd and a small rock club was like, this is who I should Be performing. So I called Zach up and was like, hey, hey. You know, I got this guy, he knows, like, these really cool little rock clubs. We could do up and down the East Coast. He's like, yeah, let's do that. So we did a bunch of those, and then it was really successful. So then I added Maria and Brian, and then we went out and did a whole tour. Did up and down the west coast, up and down the East Coast. It kind of got big. We ended up doing, like, the Irving Plaza in New York. Had a lot of guests on that show. I remember that people that were in town.

[Mark Normand]

Mulaney was on that one.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah, Mulaney and David Cross and, And. And. And. And just so, like, it just was, oh, yay. Friends get to hang out, right, and do clubs they want to do. And then you can actually have adventures in between. Like, do stuff during the day rather than get in. All right, I'm in the hotel room. You get to the club. There's some local opener that they've, you know, or a local dj.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

How you doing?

[Mark Normand]

I'm a dog. I gotta give away a couple T shirts.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'll bring you right up. What do I say? Everybody Loves Raymond. What's the show you're on? And so it just felt more like, hey, we're all in this. We're all excited to be doing this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was.

[Patton Oswalt]

When you're on those shows, you can tell, like, the comedians on the shows are actually friends and are on the trip. That just adds to the energy so much.

[Mark Normand]

And it was fun. I started as an alt guy, so that was like our beacon, that movie. Yeah, that was huge.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it was good, man. Yeah. Remember when we were young comics and we hung out with Maria Bamford?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And we were like. Like, holy shit.

[Mark Normand]

With Maria.

[Chris D'Elia]

And she was so cool. I mean, it was like. We were in Vancouver, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Where in Vancouver were you?

[Chris D'Elia]

We did some fest and she came out drinking with us, and we were like, holy shit, Where's Maria Banford?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I have a photo of it somewhere on my phone.

[Chris D'Elia]

Same. You, me, Hanley, Joe Lister, and Maria Banford.

[Patton Oswalt]

Holy shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

It was cool.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, Maria's Maria. Her shit, like, she's so fucking raw up on stage about just openly. I have fucking mental stuff that I'm struggling with and making jokes about that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Well, effortlessly, your comedy. You know, I want to get into this because that must have been hard for you because you're. You're. I feel like a lot of guys have copied you. Now, but you had, you were, you kind of went a different way. Yerik stand up was weird and original for that time. It must have been hard to break through the club circuit with like the Einstein diarrhea bed. Death, death, all that. Like those jokes were a little outside the box.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, it wasn't that I was, wasn't. It wasn't that I wasn't punching through at the clubs, but a lot of. And you know this, a lot of clubs. The, the sign just says comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're not coming to see anyone specific. They don't have any taste of what they like and don't like. They're just like, I just want to see a goddamn comedy show.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you're there to sell drinks.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you killed at the clubs though. I saw your Caroline's in high school and you killed. I mean, you were.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, yeah, I mean, I, I, I. Because I learned very quickly. Like I, I do want to do this as a profession. I did. There were a lot of. As much as I loved and I still love doing the Largo, but. And you, you know this in the alt scene, there were also a lot of hot house flowers that were really good in these alt rooms, but they never went out on the road 100%. And you've got to be able to. Now there were also people that only did the road.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And that kind of hardens you. And you don't. You kind of stop having a personality after a while. And then you also become. So you gotta find that right balance of you go right in the alt rooms and then you edit on the road. Like the road makes you get. I remember I was doing a show with Mitch Hedberg at the Largo one night and he, he said something so brave. Goes, beware of any comedian who writes for a half an hour and says they have a half an hour of new material.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, so true.

[Patton Oswalt]

Like you, you do a bit at the Largo and it's like two minutes of this will work.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

On the road or like in front of. You know, I mean it works here because the crowd is on a different wavelength. But don' to go out and go. So I went to this audition and I don't. It's on the Fox lot now, you know, going down Pico and people are like, the fuck are they? You know? And a lot of people never made that adjustment. So I tried. I mean, again, there was a lot of failures. And I got booed off stage in Pittsburgh one time. Whoa. It was right during the.

[Chris D'Elia]

You were like Roethlisberger's innocent.

[Patton Oswalt]

No, I was. I was making like the fucking lightest jokes about. It wasn't even political. I was just made a couple of references to George W. Bush, like before the Iraq War. And I think people were all freaked out and they just started screaming at me and they had to lock me up in the office and while they had to clear the room out.

[Mark Normand]

Geez.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, it was really, really rough. So I was like, okay, I gotta figure out a way to. First I gotta find my audience and then get confident enough to make any audience my.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, you were one of the guys. You could make a joke about anything. Like, you know, sometimes this thing happens to you and you're like, this is funny, but no one's gonna get it. Like, you had that magician bit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes. Wasn't it on Werewolves and Lollipops?

[Patton Oswalt]

Werewolves and Lollipops? Yeah, that magician in Richmond, Kentucky, at a 1 nighter. Well, I'd also seen comedians, if you are as interested enough in what you're talking about, and it really is fascinating to you, you can transfer that to the audience.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, it's like how. How Dave Chappelle has big blocks of time on stage where he's not necessarily getting a laugh, but the audience is interested. Telling you is fast. You're like, they trust. Okay, let's see where this goes, you know, but if you're.

[Mark Normand]

I. I've had.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ironically, he's good at transitioning.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I've had billions of those nights at open mics where the heroin addict is there or the crackhead guy or the schizophrenic guy. But you captured it.

[Patton Oswalt]

We all had our open mics where there was some. I just called them like the persistent mutants, where they were never gonna have a career as a comedian, but they were gonna be there every week to tell their tale. And it was so in D.C. we had a guy named J. Van Hubbard and a guy named Jim Anderson. Like, these guys were like, I don't know why you're showing up, but there's something kind of beautiful and you coming.

[Chris D'Elia]

Into it, there's like a purity to it. Yeah, they're there for love of the game.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

They have not figured it out in a business way, but, like, they're going to be there and they're gonna. And you're like, all right.

[Mark Normand]

It's almost freak show kind of traveling circus type. Like, we had Mike Lawrence on here last week and we started together and we had an old guy. This guy must have been 900 years old. He came in on crutches. We had the guy who was clearly off, you know, mentally, and he thought he was going to be the next. Yeah, but, yeah, we had everybody.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah, but that's also, I mean, you look at someone like Mike back then in comedy, there was also. You were expected to sort of have a specific rhythm and a specific look and a specific way about you. And I think one of the best things that all comedy did was really blow open the door to there's no way to look or talk or act as a comedian. Mike's. The way he talks and looks is not like the rhythms of other comedians. But audiences are now so much more open to especially like people that are maybe neurodivergent or just approach jokes in a completely different way and they're like, okay, good, that's how this goes. Then.

[Chris D'Elia]

Mike's also so clearly like a savant. He's an incredible joke writer. The joke writing is he's unreal.

[Mark Normand]

He's so good.

[Chris D'Elia]

He is unreal.

[Patton Oswalt]

But behind the joke writing are genuinely brilliant insights about life that as funny as he's making the joke, she'll like, shit. That's a really good point too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

But he does it without. A lot of times I will, when I'm trying to make a point, I'll fall into like, I'm very aware of when I fall into Clapter and I'm.

[Mark Normand]

Like, oh fuck, I don't want to do that.

[Patton Oswalt]

And happy. I'm like, I. I gotta keep this jokes. And a lot of times that that's one bad thing that Twitter in these last couple years did to it made a lot of us a little bit self righteous. Only because the world got so insane. And it took me a while to realize pointing out someone's hypocrisy and insanity doesn't really matter to a lot of people. If anything, it's like if you point out like they want blood.

[Chris D'Elia]

We don't want to numb yourself to this insanity. But you also don't want to be like freaking out every day, constantly yelling about it.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. But also like, you realize if you point out like this guy said this and now he's doing this. And it took me a while to realize that's what's appealing about that person is that they're completely lying about whatever they're doing and still getting away with that's a form of power, is to go like, yeah, this person should be condemned for this. You're doing the same thing. Yeah, I know.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

I know. I'm doing the same thing. And it doesn't affect me. Like, there is a appeal to that in a lot of people. Oh, yeah, and you can't. If you get wound up by that, you're the butt of the joke. You're suddenly, you're the dean in Animal House getting wound up by that shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly.

[Patton Oswalt]

It is kind of cool how a lot of the conservatives and a lot of the, like, far right, like, the racist, took the National Lampoon, Onion alt comedy, ironic racism playbook and just used it to become the rebels that are making them almost go, oh, my God, what is going. You know what I mean? It's that it's weird how they. Everyone switched places.

[Mark Normand]

I really did. It's crazy.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I got wound up in that shit, man.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you got a lot of hate for a while. How did you handle that, boy? Too much of a sensitive queef. I would panic.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a com. One thing you were saying earlier about a lot of the hate that you get online. You're like, oh, this isn't real. You never meet them in real life.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Patton Oswalt]

And also you realize, oh, there's some things that they were going to hate you anyway, or they already hated you and you just gave them an excuse. They can now always bring, like, people always bring up Chappelle to me, because I wrote that thing about, like. And again, the thing that I wrote and I did post a really douchey picture of me writing the thing that I was going to post, which was so fucking Douchey. It's like Mr. Mr. Poetryville sitting there writing.

[Mark Normand]

Well, when you're in the eye of the storm, you're like, put some.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm like, what the fuck do I do? So. But if you read the thing I wrote, I'm like, dave Chappelle's fucking brilliant. I came up with him. He's a friend. But we disagree on this one fucking thing. I don't agree with his stance on this one thing comedians fight about.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you think he's transphobic or do you think the jokes are just.

[Patton Oswalt]

I thought the jokes were lazy, okay? Yeah, I thought the jokes were lazy. I don't think he's transphobic. I think he was.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think so.

[Patton Oswalt]

Reacting to some things that happened to him when he was young. And you people like, look, I. I've said plenty of shit on my early albums that I. Now I know better. You know what I mean? Trust me, I've.

[Chris D'Elia]

Some comedy doesn't age well. Like, I was listening to some comedy I loved, like, 15 years ago. And I was like, oh, it sounds a little weird now. I still think it's funny. It just sounds a little weird now.

[Patton Oswalt]

But also we got.

[Chris D'Elia]

But that's okay.

[Mark Normand]

It's okay.

[Patton Oswalt]

We signed up for. We said yes to one of the most ephemeral art forms in existence. Comedy. It doesn't age. We should accept that and kind of roll with it. But at the time, because I have a lot of friends, I have family members who are trans who are transitioning and I talk to them and they're fucking terrified right now. And it's the exact same thing to me. Back when black people would say the cops beat us up all the time. Everyone's like, oh, would you. You. This is all bullshit. This is fear mongering. And then we put cameras on cops and lo and behold, there's footage of cops beating the fuck out of. Like, listen to the minority group. If they're, if they're telling you they're scared, they're not making shit up, you know, and so when I said that then people are like this, mother. Like even now, trust me, if you, when you post clips of this, I guarantee you there'll be people going, are you still, are you still like going to throw.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I'm saying. Never ends.

[Chris D'Elia]

It is funny. Cuz was it you tell me. Someone was telling me the other day that the movie Rush Hour now has like a warning, a disclaimer up top, like we were talking about.

[Mark Normand]

These jokes are a little outdated or something like that. But it's a funny movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And by the way, you can totally. I don't know why, why is comedy.

[Chris D'Elia]

The only thing that we need that for though? Because if it was a drama, they wouldn't be like, hey, this is kind of good point.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know why? Because. Because clearly all those years, look, listen, we, we wish on a monkey's paw. All those years that we were working as comedians, we were like, you guys are just clowns. And we're like, I wish people would take my shit. Well, guess what? Now they are. Yeah, like, I never wanted this. Clearly comedy has weight. And we're like, oh, why did we wish for that? Yeah, but it does have weight and it does clearly affect people and. But why, why do you think it is? I'm a big fan of. I really agree with like Anthony Jeselnik. When people are talking about you should be able to stay booking anything and not have anything. Like, no, you should find a way to get away with make it funny. No one is find a way to make it.

[Chris D'Elia]

No one says that in any other form of entertainment. No one's like, you should be able to make it. No, make it like Tarantino makes crazy shit. But it's great.

[Patton Oswalt]

But it's great you strive to.

[Chris D'Elia]

For that. I think I agree.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. I mean, everyone that goes, you couldn't make Blazing Saddles today, they forget that Mel Brooks said, I couldn't make Blazing Saddles. Then I had to find a way to sneak it through. Nobody wanted to make it. They read the script and went, this is horrible. We're not making. The people fucking hated it.

[Mark Normand]

How did he do it? How did he pull it off?

[Patton Oswalt]

And then everybody loved it because he's Mel Brooks and he is a. I.

[Chris D'Elia]

Mean, the Producers is irreverent. The Producers is incredible.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, it's like springtime for Hitler 20 years after the Holocaust.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, 20 years after the Holocaust, and one the of. Of the funniest characters in the movie is a goddamn Nazi.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

The playwright gets big laughs, you know, so you're like, you. There's always a way. But. But to just go. You should be able to say it like, look, there's. There's no.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's why we tour. That's why we hone. It's gotta. You gotta. You gotta drudge it through the mud, man.

[Mark Normand]

But you gotta let us work it out too.

[Patton Oswalt]

But yeah, let us. Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Let us work out or it'll be funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right?

[Patton Oswalt]

But also, yes, let us work it out. But if you're a comedian and enough people are saying, hey, hey, this is really. I'm coming to you because I'm not a scold. I'm just like, this is really harmful. And this is why I just go. I'm sure I can find another way to say this. Or there's a way to like, I'm a comedian. That's my. You can't go, no, that's the way I wrote it and I can't change it. Well, how. How the fuck are you in show?

[Chris D'Elia]

I guess the difference is, like, we kind of focus test our material throughout the country. Whereas in, like, you're a filmmaker, you're just like, here it is, put it out. Yeah, I guess some people will vote focus test their stuff, but like, like, oh, there was.

[Patton Oswalt]

Look, trust me, there was still. That was cut out of Blazing Saddles. And, and there was some. He put in for. On purpose for the studio to go take that out so that he could get the thing he wanted. The, the. The scene when she. Lily von Stup is with Sheriff Bart and she goes, is it TW what they say about you guys? And then you hear the zipper unzip, and she goes, oh, it's two, it's two, it's 2. And then the line they cut out was, cleveland Little goes, you're sucking on my arm. And they made them take that out. But then. But he got to keep all the other stuff he wanted.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think he told that story on fresh airs. And I was like, holy, what a.

[Mark Normand]

That's a funny line.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a great joke.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I mean, but.

[Chris D'Elia]

But he's a bummer. That line didn't get.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Not about a dick.

[Patton Oswalt]

Perfect line.

[Mark Normand]

But we have to remember, though, because we go, ah, you can't make these movies anymore. Or the joke can be offensive, but it has to be funny. But also, just because everybody. People get offended doesn't mean they're writing either.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's true.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, we have again, we have to fight. We've lost the. Hey, can we all take a breath and find a balance here? Rather than, it's all this way or it's all that way. Does it all have to be scorched fucking earth? Can I.

[Mark Normand]

You could be offended.

[Patton Oswalt]

Can. I love Dave Chappelle, and I truly do. But go those jokes. I'm not crazy about those jokes.

[Chris D'Elia]

But also, not everyone's going to bat a thousand on. On all their topics either. I mean, you know, that's the thing is I think intent and consistency are so important. And, you know, there's comedians I love, and I'm like, I disagree with that, but I'm still laughing. That is the point.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was not at the end of the world or not even. Yeah, listen, Nick DePaolo and I, I think, agree on nothing, but he has made me laugh so funny and continues to make me laugh. He's a fucking good comic. He has opinions that I don't agree with, but a lot of the ways he does, I'm like, ah, shit, that's fucking fun. All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it's important to keep those people in your life, I think, you know, or else you're living in an echo chamber.

[Mark Normand]

And.

[Chris D'Elia]

And, you know, I get bored when I'm with people who only agree with me. I really do.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's the other thing about that.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's why I hang out with a lot of Nazis. In my spirit, I like to mix it up.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well. They're very clean.

[Mark Normand]

Good to be here.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're very clean. That's the thing about the other thing about the Chappelle thing that I Realized wasn't that it's like, oh, from an outsider's point of view, comedians fight with each other all the time. We fight about stuff. We fight about material. We argue about. That's how our material gets good. There's nothing makes you funnier than when you're sitting around and your friends are busting your balls going, you're really doing that. Come on, man. Like, that's so. But that, to an outsider, it's like, fuck, they hate each other. No, that's what we do all the time. We're not feuding with anybody. We don't. That's how we do that. That scene in the Jerry Seinfeld documentary where he's trying to make the joke work about think tanks.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

And a. I was so amazed that he, like, puts footage in a documentary about himself where jokes weren't working. Like, he's showing you the process of. Yeah, these jokes don't come out of books. We have to take them up and keep working them until they work. And then he's sitting at the Olive Tree, I think, with George Wallace and Colin Quinn. And George Wallace finally goes. He's like, how? Jerry's like, how does someone get fired from a think tank? That's the joke. And I can't find it. And then George Wallace goes, man, Kenny, sometimes you don't think.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And you see Jerry's face. Like, he sees the whole bed. Right. Because George, like, gives it to him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's what you think. You better think again.

[Patton Oswalt]

In a way. That's a form. Yeah, that. That's like a form of argument of, like, couldn't you have taken it here? Why didn't you take it here?

[Chris D'Elia]

So, look, we. We do it less and less as we get older, but Mark and I used to bounce bits in coffee shops for hours. You know, we all did that. And then, you know, we. It used to be part of the podcast. We kind of got lazy. We should go back to it a little more. But we would. Mark and I would. You don't do. You could still text every once in a while. Sometimes you'll hop on. Like, I feel like we don't do it the way we used to.

[Patton Oswalt]

You sit and you kill it. Well, the thing is, also, you're not in your 20s anymore, and you can't assassinate a day, to borrow a phrase from Bill Maher, the way you used to. Where you would. Especially on the road, like, it's 11 o'. Clock. Let's go get breakfast and hang out at the mall and just look at Stuff and talk about things, walk around. We've got shit to do now. And. And you kind of miss those days when you can just sit and just go, yeah, but this thing and this thing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that was great.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just sit there and go, I know there's something funny here. And I can't find it, you know, or those days. And I still appreciate when people do this. Someone just did this on a bit that I thought was working great, and they're like, look, I know that you. But there. It's so lazy the way that you're setting it up and delivering it if you just did it this way. And I'm like, fuck, you're right. Like, I'm never offended by shit like that. Like that. Like, all you're doing is helping me.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're not. You're not trying to fuck with me. You're just like, I see what you're trying to do. If you just worded it this way, it'll work 10 times better.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sometimes you get comfortable if the. If the payoff is getting enough. Sometimes you get a little lazy in the setup.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Or they're taking too much. That's my other problem. I take way too much time sometimes to go where I'm going. Yeah, you could just start it right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

But that's also, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's also. Sometimes, like, you talk about, like, Largo or, like, Alt Room. Sometimes they'll give you more. They'll listen better.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, they will.

[Chris D'Elia]

As opposed to, like, if you're going up at the seller or the funny. Following someone. You're following someone who's like, bam, bam, bam.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, I gotta fucking move this story.

[Patton Oswalt]

Here we go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Working out stories of the seller has.

[Mark Normand]

Been like, that's hard.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's. But it's. It's so helpful, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm like, all right, this gotta have hard punches in it.

[Patton Oswalt]

You know, why it. Else the other reason it's helpful. And I know you guys have both experienced this. Is there anything more frustrating than when you record a special or an album and then the. It's not gonna come out from for another three months, so you're still touring on that material, and then you find three or four better ways to do jokes that you've now recorded permanently?

[Mark Normand]

You're like, netflix, can I put this in?

[Patton Oswalt]

If I had just cut the whole.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I know.

[Patton Oswalt]

When you think of a better tag to it.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Patton Oswalt]

That is the worst. That drives me insane.

[Chris D'Elia]

Or when it comes out and someone's like, what if you said this and you're like, that's pretty good.

[Patton Oswalt]

God damn it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I just.

[Chris D'Elia]

Someone gives you a tag on a special. That already came out of my, like, thanks.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Great.

[Mark Normand]

That was all the time.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, I was very lucky. I toured with this guy named Orlando Laba. Really, really funny Dominican guy. And he. I had a bit that was in the middle of my. This was my second to last special. And this big bit that was in the middle of the special. And he was like, you realize that's your closer. I know that you're putting it in the middle. You should. It brings everything you're talking about together. That. And I realized. And he was right. Like, that was my. And it changed the whole set better. All just by moving one bit. Damn, I didn't even realize that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Interesting.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Big.

[Patton Oswalt]

So, again, I.

[Chris D'Elia]

Everything, man.

[Patton Oswalt]

I'm just really. I'm really. I really try to hang on to hanging out with. I mean, I've got my threads with all my comedian friend that we all text back and forth and, you know, text about shit, and you just riff jokes off each other. But a lot of that is just like. They're just Twitter jokes. Like, I'm not going to go on stage and go, hey, hey. One of us mentioned, what if Charles Bukowski did Star Wars? So here's a bunch of different ways. You can't really do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Actually sounds like a good idea.

[Mark Normand]

Can I give you a tag on your. Yeah, please.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Mark Normand]

What's that? 30 years old.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

What was that? What is that called? That product pause.

[Patton Oswalt]

Easter eggs.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, look, there's always. We. We're. I think we're coming out of the hole. Online outrage bullshit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think it'll kind of calm down a little bit in the middle, but I don't mind. Hang on. I hope that. Wonder if that's being picked up. But, yeah, I don't mind. When my dopey shit is gonna be like, Internet's forever. I'm like, yeah, I've done some stupid shit and now it's on the Internet. It's a joke. It's a zinger. I tweeted something stupid. I was trying for a joke. It didn't work. Work.

[Mark Normand]

And what am I supposed to do? Like, Eddie Murphy said this and that. You're like, yeah, it's over. What do you want? Should he go back in time? It's done. Yeah, it's on a record.

[Patton Oswalt]

But also people that go. People that say that shitty stuff now and go, well, Eddie Murphy did it back in 85. Yeah. And he has grown since then and gone. Yeah. I didn't know any better. You, like, you can't start. You can't draw your line in the sand in something that someone has already grown out of and go, I'm being a First amendment war warrior. No, you're just doing hacky.

[Mark Normand]

It's like going, milk was 11 cents back then. Now it's not. You're like, yeah, it was different then. Things were different.

[Chris D'Elia]

But also it's to what you're saying that people are taking comedy more seriously. And shocker. We're not infallible.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, my God. Not only are we not infallible, the thing that makes us so entertaining is that we're train wrecks. Like.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

We're messes. That's why we got into this. We say stupid.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Patton Oswalt]

You know? Yeah, there's gonna be. It's gonna be really interesting to. Someone will write the book about all the. The online outrage, all the.

[Chris D'Elia]

That there are already some out there. I mean, it's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had a. I've told you this before, but I. People pick and choose. I did a joke where I said. And a lady comes up me in the merch table and she goes, you shouldn't say that word. I have a niece with down syndrome. And I go, what'd you think about the Holocaust stuff? She goes, that was great.

[Chris D'Elia]

So, you know, too similar Holocaust thing. A woman was offended that was making fun of crystals and she was like, I literally was doing Hitler material two minutes ago.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But you know, pick and choose, same shit. And it's like you were saying why rappers say crazy, but no one really seems to care. But they care what you say.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, but there's a certain type of people who's. Who's getting offended and they think that. That we're gonna react differently.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Which is like, kind of racist to begin with.

[Mark Normand]

In the words of Adam Corolla, PETA never goes to the players ball. It's all fur coats. You know, they never go there and throw the paint because, you know, some shit might go to down.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Oh, my God, that's. Yeah, you're right. It's the same as, like, ice is not going after drug dealers and gang bangers.

[Mark Normand]

They're going to.

[Patton Oswalt]

They're going to kindergarten graduations and Home Depot.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

We got to get this. We got. There's super villains out there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

I gotta get down. And my God, there's that. There's. There's a MS.13 strawberry cartel.

[Mark Normand]

That we gotta. That'd be a great twist if they just got Melania. You know, she never had the paperwork. Just randomly.

[Patton Oswalt]

I think she'd be glad to go at this point. Yeah, that'll be. She called them on. Called them on herself. There's a immigrant to the White House. You need to get down here. She's. Oh, my God, she's dead. She's setting everybody's money.

[Mark Normand]

He was going to deport Elon for a second, which would have been fun just to have Elon in the pen with all those other guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he's still going to be tweeting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

He still would have found a way to tweet, right? God, these guys. You have billions of dollars. Think of the life you could live. Think of the. You got all these kids. Think of the. And you're fucking tweeting. If I had a. I forgot who said this. If you gave me a billion dollars, you'd never hear from me again. You'd never hear from me again. I wouldn't bother anybody.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's one of the perks of how fucking nuts Twitter is. Is like, you know, I have tweets from 2006 where I'm like, this and that. No one cares. There's a guy getting, you know, his head cut off with a butterfly knife. You know, so, like, people like, all right, we'll deal with that later.

[Patton Oswalt]

Let's.

[Mark Normand]

Let's focus on the butter knife video. Yeah, yeah. There so much crazy, it's hard to keep track.

[Chris D'Elia]

Some better knives, dude.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, way better knives.

[Mark Normand]

Come on, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a bad knife.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Where you going?

[Mark Normand]

The road there, Patty.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, where am I going to be?

[Chris D'Elia]

This comes out.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hold on. This comes out on the 17th.

[Mark Normand]

17Th of August.

[Patton Oswalt]

17Th of August. I'm going to be at the. What? My God, they have so much going on.

[Mark Normand]

They solved Cancel Culture. Guys figured out. I think we got to the bottom of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't think white people have talked about Cancel Culture enough. I'm glad we weighed in on that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, so much shit coming up. You can go to patnosalt.com I mean, I'm gonna be in Eugene, Oregon, at the Olsen Run Comedy Club, but all those shows are sold out, so I don't know why I just said that. But in October, I'm doing stuff across Milwaukee. I'm doing Flint, Michigan.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice.

[Patton Oswalt]

So there's a lot of. A lot of tour dates are coming up. Check the website the tickets are selling. Oh, there you go. Yeah, I'll be in Wilmington, Delaware. In October. I'll be in Hammond, Indiana. Oh, that's gonna be interesting.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've been there.

[Patton Oswalt]

You've been to Hammond?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. We did a Chris DiStefano and I did a gig there where we were doing a casino, and they wouldn't let his daughter in. It was like a state rule that she can't come in. We're like, I know, but we're. The show. Can we just. And they were like, no. So I had to watch her while he was on stage outside. It was a mess.

[Patton Oswalt]

It was. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That's how Jared Fogel started.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh. And I'm gonna be in Austin in September at the Paramount on Friday, the 19th.

[Mark Normand]

Great room.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's gonna be great. Because I come in really early that week and I'm a judge at the Fantastic Fest, so I get to watch movies all week. And then I got to do the Paramount that night, so I couldn't. I'm gonna be in heaven that week.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's gonna be at the Alamo watching a weird new horror and science fiction movie.

[Mark Normand]

Love it.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then doing shows. I couldn't be happier.

[Mark Normand]

But just watch out. That Alamo. You gotta eat in the dark.

[Patton Oswalt]

You do gotta eat in the dark.

[Mark Normand]

It's a weird feeling.

[Patton Oswalt]

It is. It is a little.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. You're like, is this. Is there bugs in this? I have no idea.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got the Irvine improv, the 22nd, the 24th. Then I'll be in Oklahoma City. That'll be fun. The Bricktown Club.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

The Venetian in Vegas. Rochester, New York. We got Chicago. Theater will be fun. Winnipeg, Canada. And then I'm going to Europe. Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wait, where in London?

[Chris D'Elia]

The Shepherd's Bush Empire. It's a really cool one. I love that theater.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay, can I tell a quick story? The first ever gig I did in London, in the uk, was at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. Well, I will say, I did not.

[Chris D'Elia]

Have an amazing set last time I was there.

[Patton Oswalt]

It is. It is an amazing room. Okay, don't get me wrong. I'm not putting down the room.

[Mark Normand]

I'm dying.

[Patton Oswalt]

But I was opening up for Amy Manning, Michael Penn.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was touring with them because they don't like doing stage banter. So they would have a comedian.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry, I've been sitting on that for an hour and a half. Yeah, sorry. Keep going.

[Patton Oswalt]

Can we cut out everything but that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, God.

[Patton Oswalt]

So I'm opening up for Amen and Michael. They don't like doing stage banners. They have a comedian Open for them. And then you intro all their songs and they let you say whatever you want. She'll come and go. This next song is about the fact that every year 40,000 ring tailed squirrels are killed because of industrial logging. And then she has to go sing, you know, like voices carry or something. She's so confused. So look at that.

[Mark Normand]

It's beautiful.

[Patton Oswalt]

It's a gorgeous room. Okay. See how big that room is? So they say, okay, you're going out first. We're ready to go. So I go out and the room, the way, you know, the lighting is, you cannot see anyone. And that means it is classic theater lighting. It is. You're looking at darkness. So I go up and I start my bits. I do a couple bits. Nothing. No laughs, Nothing. And I mean, not even rustling and coughing. Nothing. Silence. And then I start doing that thing where I'm talking a little faster because I'm getting nervous. Oh, my fucking God. This is my London debut. I'm eating it and oh my God, this is so horrible. And then conversation kind of starts in the back of the room. People start talking to each other. And then it starts moving down toward the front. Like, people. I'm like. And then I finally do my, like, last bit and there's just kind of a, you know, like, okay. And then, hey, man, I'm not comparing to. Be out in just a second. Okay? And then I went off stage just sweating and freaking out. And then the club owner was like, okay, the crowd's almost done seating. And I go, what do you mean almost done seating? They go, well, we let them in like halfway through your set. Like, what? He goes, yeah, we let them in. He thought like comedy was like ambient music. Like it could just be a thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course.

[Patton Oswalt]

Which means that a sold out crowd at that venue walked in and saw me alone on stage, just talking. And then that.

[Mark Normand]

The other thing, like this maniac.

[Patton Oswalt]

And so they're all walking down to get their seat. That was the conversation. They're walking down.

[Chris D'Elia]

They thought it was performance art. They didn't think it was.

[Patton Oswalt]

Comedy is going on here.

[Mark Normand]

And then.

[Patton Oswalt]

And then I just said, okay. And then Amy Manoby. And then they clap for that. Like, oh, good, he's done talking.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I went. I was like, that was my London debut.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, that is amazing.

[Patton Oswalt]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

Just Pandora. It was on.

[Patton Oswalt]

I was. I was Pandora.

[Chris D'Elia]

I should do this to whoever opens for me there. Yeah, I got Salt Lake City and then I got Carnegie hall in New York City, so. Oh, and Reno.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're Doing Carnegie Hall.

[Chris D'Elia]

I am. I'm pumped.

[Mark Normand]

Very excited.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nevada as well.

[Mark Normand]

I forgot Reno, but yeah, local boy makes good. That's exciting.

[Patton Oswalt]

Who's opening for you, Vita?

[Chris D'Elia]

Gary Veder. That's my guy.

[Patton Oswalt]

When I. When I did Carnegie Hall, I had Bridget Everett. Everett open for me.

[Mark Normand]

To follow.

[Patton Oswalt]

I've had to follow so fucking good. And. And she had two backups. She was doing all her songs and one of her backup singers was Adam from the Beastie Boys.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God.

[Patton Oswalt]

I mean, Adrock.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was one of the backup singers. So I'm like, fuck. Like, she didn't tell me if she was gonna bring them out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God.

[Patton Oswalt]

God damn it. And then I had to go out, but it ended up. I mean, that room is just.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I've never. I've never played that.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, you're gonna love it.

[Mark Normand]

You never played?

[Chris D'Elia]

No. I remember Jimmy Carr invited us both and I couldn't make it that night.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's a banger.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's awesome.

[Patton Oswalt]

Beautiful. It's so. And it's like when you're backstage. It's like when you're backstage at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Pictures of who's been up there. You're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Chris D'Elia]

Elvis in that broom closet.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I think the first comedy album was done there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Am I nuts in the Ryman or car?

[Mark Normand]

No, no, Carnegie. It might have been Shelly Berman.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know Ray Romano's got that great bit about the. The anal leakage. And he's like, I'm the only person that's an anal leakage in this venue. I Love that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, 1898. Get the hell out of here.

[Patton Oswalt]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Forget I brought it up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Mark, we're gonna be.

[Patton Oswalt]

Lenny Bruce was in there for you, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

All right, well, I'm doing a premiere of the Rats are Coming. What do we got?

[Patton Oswalt]

Hang on. The werewolves are already there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

So you'll be bringing the rats. So they are. They are coming, though.

[Mark Normand]

They're on the way.

[Patton Oswalt]

Well, that's. So they said yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

A lot of times. That's very hard to get, man.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that's.

[Patton Oswalt]

That's exciting. Okay, we'll definitely go see that.

[Mark Normand]

I'm in Calgary at the Great Outdoors with Adam Ray. And then I'm at the Palazzo as well. Right before you. Thank God. A lot of crossover. Doing a nine show sold out run of the Addison Improv. Just trying to work this hour. And then Akron, Dayton, Halifax, Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder, Athens. We're going to Greece, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're circling each other, dude.

[Mark Normand]

I know. Dublin.

[Patton Oswalt]

You're proud Continent.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly. Timonium at Magoobies. That'll be a nice humble pie.

[Patton Oswalt]

Hang on. Sorry. You're going.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, I gotta build an hour. I'm shooting a special in September, so I gotta go back to the, the clubs.

[Patton Oswalt]

We'll be in Luxembourg and Paris and then, and then triumphantly ending in Timonium. Tracy's at the Bowman and that is, that's, that's free COD, 3D print COD, funny bone.

[Mark Normand]

Gaza after that. And the Lincoln Theater. Kodak and Rochester, Niagara Falls, San Diego.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, the Kodak is great. I love Rochester.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yeah. Oh, nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Rochester's pretty cool, man.

[Mark Normand]

Hell yeah. Black coffee and ice water.

[Patton Oswalt]

Just recorded it at the, at the Minetta Lane Theater for audible there. It was just a audio recording. It's an album. We're just doing an audio album.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Patton Oswalt]

And I'm telling you, man. And I also shot a special earlier this year, but getting to just like, oh, I'm not being filmed. I can just talk and you don't need to be like as performy. And it was so amazing.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love listening to Stand Up.

[Patton Oswalt]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, that's how I got into Stand up is listening to it.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

By the way, I gotta give a quick shout out. I just watched Jim Norton's new special. It's so fun, funny.

[Mark Normand]

Very funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

It is so funny.

[Patton Oswalt]

What, what is it on?

[Chris D'Elia]

It's on YouTube.

[Patton Oswalt]

Okay. It's.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, it is really funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really good, really good joke writing. Really funny. Like, his stuff about his wife is so funny. Oh yeah, it's cool.

[Patton Oswalt]

His stuff when he, I, I, I texted him because there he just had on Colin Quinn and Rich Voss on his podcast. And him and Colin just going after Rich Voss was some of the, I mean, I've, I, There's a clip where Colin calls Rich Fox, goes, boy, talk about a Lunch Pail comic. And it made me laugh. So, and, and Jim's laughter is so like when he laughs at something, when it really gets him, he just goes all out. I'm like, I'm just telling you, I've watched that. I've watched the Lunch Pail comic clip like 30 times.

[Mark Normand]

Like I can't get enough of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, those two, they're so good together.

[Patton Oswalt]

God.

[Mark Normand]

Norton's wife is trans. He's got a great bit where she's like, you peed on the seat. He's like, like, might have been you.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love his bit about, about her Dick. And he's like, you think it's hard having a wife who makes more money than you?

[Mark Normand]

So good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great stuff.

[Mark Normand]

I forget the title of the special. Comprehensible. I can't remember, but that's on YouTube. Really funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Check it out.

[Patton Oswalt]

There's a clip of him on Own A back in the day where he goes off about classic rock and how much he angry he is that Black Sabbath doesn't get the attention that lesser groups like the Beatles and Led Zeppelin are afforded. He loves. And the argument. It starts off, it's kind of really coherent and, like, you know, he's making some points. He loves Black Sabbath. And then it just starts getting crazy. And you can tell he realizes he's gone off the rails, but now he will not back down. And the way he digs in is so hilarious. Where he won't, like. Like to the point where everyone else is, like, starting to, like. At one point, he goes, you two. Sunday, Bloody Sunday. That's Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath. It's stolen. And they're like, jim, what the.

[Chris D'Elia]

What the.

[Mark Normand]

They're just like, he's obsessed with Ay.

[Patton Oswalt]

Oh, God, it's so funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

I saw Ozzy tweeted about the special, too, which is no way.

[Patton Oswalt]

He did.

[Chris D'Elia]

He tweeted, you got to watch Jim's new special.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he's a drug addict.

[Patton Oswalt]

He must be. So. So he's back on the song.

[Mark Normand]

Jim might be the quickest guy, too. He's just so fast. But Quinn got him once. Jim was, like, talking about a. Bragging about a movie he was in. He's like, yeah, we're shooting. And Quinn goes, hopefully yourself. All right, well, we went on a weird, weird Jim Norton tear there, but.

[Chris D'Elia]

Check out all Patton. Check out Patton special. Check out Norton's special. So it's on Audible. And what's it called, Patton?

[Patton Oswalt]

It's not out yet. It's called Black Coffee and Ice Water. It'll be out in November on Audible.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Hell yeah.

[Patton Oswalt]

Is their first like, like, audio comedy special they've ever done. So I'm very, very honored and really excited. And I'm like, why the haven't I just been putting out albums instead of. This is so much better. Like, the. The. The. The way you talk is. You're so much more relaxed. You got to do special, right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Comedy's best to listen to. Medium driving or whatever.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's how I take it in. Usually.

[Mark Normand]

That's the best way.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love an album.

[Mark Normand]

You don't want to see this when you're watching comedy.

[Patton Oswalt]

Look at this. Oh, my God. Shirtless. My torso looks like Walter Matthaus. Face not good.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you, folks. Folks, see you later.

[Chris D'Elia]

See you later.

[Mark Normand]

Take it easy. Sunday's the day for my next offender.

[Patton Oswalt]

A bit of piva wreck. You know the fear juice.

[Mark Normand]

Close.

[Patton Oswalt]

I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke.

[Mark Normand]

And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming.

[Patton Oswalt]

And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous.

[Mark Normand]

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans? This woman doesn't look like I remember her?

[Patton Oswalt]

And I get down in the same way?

[Mark Normand]

We might be true?