Ep 247: Mark Normand & Sam Morril Might Be Drunk

Summary

Podcast Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Ep 247: Mark Normand & Sam Morril Might Be Drunk
Released: September 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this laid-back, booze-fueled solo episode, Mark Normand and Sam Morril catch up after international tours, swap travel stories, reminisce about drunken podcast episodes, dissect movie classics, and riff on cultural differences. The comics dive into the psychology of comics’ routines, travel, and career, peppering the conversation with sharp wit, observational insights, and a few classic tangents—from presidential sexuality debates to the mechanics of pen preferences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up & Bodega Cat Whiskey Updates

• The episode opens with banter about their schedules and the need for more solo episodes. Herman, the show's brand rep, is present, and they detail how to order Bodega Cat whiskey ([00:18-01:00]).
• MARK: "He's our guy,"
• SAM: "Send him a dick pic. Oh, he loves them." ([01:00])

2. Drinks of the Day: Black Manhattan

• They toast to reuniting over Black Manhattans, reminiscing about particularly wild episodes involving drinking ([01:09–03:23]).
• Mark jokes about the difference between classic and Black Manhattans:
  • "Thicker than a white one, right?" (MARK, [01:11])

3. Drunken Podcast Memories

• They remember wild moments with guests like Bert Kreischer ("I think you yacked. Or somebody yacked. Bert cried. It was crazy." – MARK, [02:06]).
• Anecdotes include emotional swings while drunk with friends, and the bizarre nature of relationships among comics.

4. Travel Stories & Movie Deep Dives

Sam's 15-Day International Trip

• Touring life, jetlag, and returning home to a baby after weeks abroad ([03:31–04:36]).
• On the 24-hour flight:
  • SAM watched The Last Boy Scout, The Elephant Man, Beach Boys documentary, and Alien. ([03:47–07:30])
  • Discussion on how movie humor/attitudes in the ’90s differ from today (“Tons of homophobia... like, we don't have a punchline, just call him a homo.” – MARK, [04:28])
• PET SOUNDS & The Beach Boys:
  • SAM: "As a city kid, this is the best music... Pet Sounds is a top 10 album ever." ([05:15])
  • MARK: "He brought dogs into the studio to bark." ([06:29])

5. Comedy & Gratefulness

• Mark and Sam reflect on being successful comics, feeling grateful for playing "the game on hard, and I won" (MARK, [11:15]).
• On the importance of friendship and honest, vulnerable late-night texts during travel ([10:27–10:58]).

6. Australia & New Zealand Adventures

• Mark raves about Australian cities (Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney) and shares the culture shock: superior service despite no tipping, strict rules and "measured" drinks, Australia as a "nanny state" ([11:19–13:53]).
• “You go to a bar and they do that...they measure it before they make a cocktail. I'm like, come on, just pour it, baby! Live your life.” (MARK, [13:01])
• New Zealand described as "the aggressive Hawaii," with wild culture and the haka (MARK, [16:01]).

7. Return to New York & Paddleboard Misadventure

• Sam recounts a near mishap at a lake—getting swept by a current due to a broken paddle, getting rescued by a construction guy, and then immediately bailing on nature for the comfort of city life ([18:30–22:14]).
• "I want to get fucking hammered around, like, people." (SAM, [22:14])

8. City Kids vs. Nature

• The comics riff on their inability to enjoy rural escapes.
  • Mark: "We could have done this at the Cellar, where there's food and drink." ([27:04])
  • Sam: "We're nocturnal creatures...people are shocked to see me during the day." ([27:04–27:15])
  • They quote Adam Sandler’s SNL bit ("You still have your brain in Hawaii") ([27:41]).

9. On Space & Growing Up

• Reflections on the value of personal space, from teenage house parties to "man caves" and dedicated offices ([30:38–32:20]).
• “One of the great objectives in life is getting your own space." (SAM, [30:38])

10. Rockstars, Sex, and Scandal

• Ozzy Osbourne, metal bands, and wild stories of infidelity discussed—contrasting rock star freedom with the comedian’s life ([39:15–40:04]).

11. Comedy’s Place in Modern Culture

• The shift from rock music’s cultural dominance to comedy's, and the impact of podcasting on building direct fan relationships ([35:00–37:27]).
• “Now taboo is words. Comics come in and say them. You’re not just up there saying fucked up words.” (MARK, [36:01])

12. Bits of History & Presidents’ Sexuality

• Long tangent about whether any American presidents were secretly gay, with ChatGPT speculation and Mark's quips about James Buchanan and others ([63:03–66:44]).

13. Sporting Culture & Dildo Throwing

• Discussing the infamous “dildo thrown on the WNBA court,” differences in crowd heckling between men’s and women’s sports, and how infamy and hate drive attention ([69:57–72:28])
• “The more hate, the bigger you are.” (MARK quoting Reggie Jackson, [72:19])

14. Randoms: Pens, Routine, and Podcast Life

• Pen preferences, legal pads, and writing material by hand ([82:32–84:13]).
• Touring schedules, setting up specials, ambition fatigue and the realities of self-producing comedy content ([87:49–89:57]).

15. Bodega Cat Whiskey Business

• Efforts to get their whiskey into more comedy clubs like Comedy Store, Improv, Laugh Factory, etc. ([85:18–86:38]).
• MARK: “Mark and I are not good businessmen.” ([86:35])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I played the game on hard, and I won.”
   – Mark, [11:15]

• “It's like wearing a condom. Come on. Put in my ass. Dry. Anal. Give it to me dry.”
   – Mark, on measuring drinks in Australia, [13:33]

• “We're nocturnal creatures...people are shocked to see me during the day.”
   – Sam, [27:04]

• “We're just, we're overstimulated...You're literally around nature. You're on a hike, and you're like, yeah.”
   – Sam, [25:24]

• "One of the great objectives in life is getting your own space."
   – Sam, [30:38]

• “The more hate, the bigger you are. What did Reggie Jackson say? 'You're nobody 'til somebody hates you.'”
   – Mark, riffing on sports fame, [72:19]

• “One man in ten is gay? No, I think it’s one man in one man.”
   – Sam, callback to his early joke, [63:28–63:35]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:18–01:00: Introductions, Bodega Cat Whiskey business
• 01:09–03:23: Black Manhattan drinks, drunken podcast memories
• 03:47–07:30: Movie discussion: The Last Boy Scout, Elephant Man, Beach Boys doc
• 11:19–13:53: Mark’s Australian tour, culture, and service comparisons
• 16:01–16:44: New Zealand stories and Maori culture
• 18:30–22:14: Sam’s paddleboard disaster and aversion to rural relaxation
• 27:04–28:01: City kid breakdown, can't enjoy nature
• 30:38–32:20: On needing your own space/man-caves
• 35:00–37:27: Comedy's rise as counter-culture, podcast influence
• 63:03–66:44: Discussion and jokes about presidents’ sexuality
• 69:57–72:28: Dildo on the WNBA court and cult of negative fame
• 82:32–84:13: Pen talk and handwritten bits, comedian desk rituals
• 85:18–86:38: Bodega Cat Whiskey club outreach

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Tone & Style

The entire episode is marked by the hosts’ signature blend of quick-witted, observational humor and open, self-deprecating honesty. The tone is breezy, irreverent, and often “inside baseball” for comedy fans, with authentic rapport and riffing that only comes from working comics at the top of their game.

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For New Listeners

• This episode is a quintessential We Might Be Drunk entry point: informal but insightful, tangential but rewarding, filled with sharp takes and the unsanitized, lived-in honesty that makes Sam and Mark favorites in NYC and beyond.

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End of Summary.

Transcript

[A]

We're rolling. It's just the boys today.

[B]

Yeah. We needed a solo. We.

[A]

We don't see each other enough.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

And then we. We start catching up, and then you say something like, that'd be a good pod story, and we kind of slow down.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I. Well, first of all, we got Herman on the ones and twos over here. This is our bodega distributor.

[A]

He's our guy.

[B]

That what you call it? No. Oh, sorry.

[A]

What. What. What's your title?

[B]

I work for you guys.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Oh, I didn't want to say that. This is our slave. What's the word there? I represent your brand. All right. I. Representative.

[A]

That's good. Well, how. How can people contact you if they want Bodega cat or. Or fine rye whiskey in their bar or liquor store?

[B]

Oh, they can reach out to bodega cat whiskey@thestreamline lab.com or just bodegacat. Bodegacatwhiskey.com. probably easier that way.

[A]

Or DM you on Instagram. DM us on Instagram at Bodegacat whiskey.

[B]

Send him a dick pic. Oh, he loves him.

[A]

San Francisco Chronicle.

[B]

Black cock.

[A]

Let's get him in there. And what are we drinking today? We're going a little black Manhattan.

[B]

Yeah, we're drinking a little black Manhattan.

[A]

Thicker than a white one, right?

[B]

Black Manhattan. That's why I call it the Harlem.

[A]

Okay, you made us a drink. That was a little sweet. It was a little sweet for my liking. I like a black Manhattan. I think originally, that was the most fucked up I got on this podcast was when we. It was back in the day on a Halloween app. We did black Manhattan's, and I was pretty lit up.

[B]

What's the difference between the regular and the black can? I guess, knowing his father.

[A]

It'S just amaro and. And whiskey, right?

[B]

Yeah. Substituting amaro for, like, sweet vermouth instead.

[A]

Yeah, so it's got that. It's a little soft in the stomach.

[B]

Oh, great. Like a little liqueur. A little licorice. I like a correction.

[A]

I think the drunkest I've ever seen you was the Richard Jefferson episode. Really?

[B]

You guys drank a whole bottle?

[A]

No, that was him, though. I wasn't that upset. I was up on the bachelor party episode.

[B]

Oh, yes, the Burt Kreischer one was up there too. The first one with the Kool Aid.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Holy. I think you yacked. Or somebody yacked. Burke cried. It was crazy.

[A]

He did cry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've never seen someone cry and then just Go right back into laughing, like three minutes later. Like, if I'm in a relationship, she starts crying. She ain't SM smiling for a while.

[B]

No.

[A]

But Bert will be like, anyway, here's the time I worked with Will Smith. I'm like, what the. What's happening?

[B]

Well, his crying, his laugh aren't that different. It's like, oh, yeah. But, yeah, it's good to be back. I'm jet lagged as hell. I'm wonky.

[A]

I missed you, dude. We had some weird drunken text where it's like, you get older. Like, I miss you.

[B]

I know. I missed you too. And I was on the other side of the world. It was probably 10 in the morning over there. It's 10 at night there.

[A]

I was still drunk.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, so was I. Did your kid recognize you when you.

[A]

Got home after two weeks?

[B]

Yes. I was nervous because my. My wife left for like five days to go to a thing. Yeah. Bring it on in. Ooh, and your garnish look great. Jesus, Herman, you fucking brand rep. Look at that.

[A]

Here, let's toast this up. Hey. To being together again.

[B]

Yes. Reunited and it feels so good.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Wow, that's a good drink.

[A]

A black Manhattan.

[B]

This is better than a regular, I think.

[A]

Ooh, let's not get carried away. Regular is a classic.

[B]

I know, but I'm digging this or the way he made it.

[A]

It is. It is very good.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

So your. Your baby sees you, you come home. It's been how long?

[B]

Two weeks, 15 days.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah, it's a long 15, 24 hour flight. Had to connect in Hong Kong on Cathay Air. Brutal. No Wi Fi. I watched five movies.

[A]

What movies?

[B]

I watched the Last Boy Scout.

[A]

Oh, that's a fun one.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Damon Wayans, Bruce Willis.

[B]

I mean, it's got some cheese on it.

[A]

Oh, it's cheesy as.

[B]

I mean, man, is it fun the.

[A]

Scene where he knows his wife is cheating on him?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's about to shoot through the.

[B]

The closet. Yeah.

[A]

God, I love Bruce Willis.

[B]

He's so. It's very noir. It's a million lines. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. The lines are great.

[A]

If we ever bring back Patreon, it should just be us watching awesome scenes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because that's, that's what we want to do all the time on here. We can. Because of, you know, copyright.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

What else you watch?

[B]

Some, some, some rough language in there too, by the way.

[A]

Oh, yeah, A lot of Homophobia in the early 90s.

[B]

Action. Tons of homophobia.

[A]

Like, we don't have a punchline. Just call my homo.

[B]

They didn't say homo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, no. But, yeah, great movie. Then I watched the Elephant Man.

[A]

I've never seen it.

[B]

I'd never seen it either, and I was embarrassed by it. And I said, I'm putting it on. And holy good is good. It's eerie. It's weird. It's dark. David Lynch.

[A]

Yeah. Legend.

[B]

There he is.

[A]

That's me after a few drinks.

[B]

Looks like my ex, but, yeah. That looks like a Rihanna after Chris Brown got to her. A couple of wallops there, but, yeah. Then I watched the Beach Boys documentary, which is incredible.

[A]

God, I love the Beach Boys so much.

[B]

Oh, so good.

[A]

I. You know, it's funny. I was talking to a friend recently who lives in California, and she was like. She's like, I. I never liked them because I feel like they were, like, singing about a thing that didn't exist here. But to me, as, like, a city kid, I was like, this is the best music. Like, I know Pet Sounds is, like, the best album. That's like a top 10 album ever.

[B]

And it's cool. The guy's a legitimate genius. Just staying in the studio. Wacky sounds going through his head. Dad beat the. Out of him. The coolest part of the whole doc, though, is how they. They were feuding with the Beatles. The Beatles would put an album out. They'd all listen and go, oh, my God, this is incredible. We gotta beat him. Then they would put out an album. The Beaters were like, what the is this? Nobody knows, you know? Incredible. So they were all trying to top each other and that. They say that's probably why some of their music was so good.

[A]

I heard an interview with Brian Wilson where he was like, I don't like Johnny Cash. And I think was Charlie Rose like, you don't like Johnny Cash? He's like, yeah, the voice, like, not real to me. He's, like, putting it on. But it was like, look, I mean, I love Johnny Cash, but it's kind of cool to hear a guy who's just like. He can't help but be. Almost got that autistic level of honesty.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, man, it's not for me.

[B]

He definitely had mental health shit before anyone thought about that. And he was a. He was a mess. He also kind of acid and fucked his brain up.

[A]

Yeah, but they have some fucking insane songs, man. I love the Beach Boys.

[B]

Great harmonies. Incredible. Yeah, Just cool sound. He brought dogs into the Studio to bark and use that. I mean, the guy was nuts.

[A]

I also love that stretch in Boogie Nights where they play God Only Knows.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Fucking be. When you. When you nail the right song to the right montage, you're like, oh, my God, this is fucking.

[B]

That's true. That is so true. That song bomb, too. It's crazy.

[A]

It's one of the best songs ever.

[B]

He put his heart and soul to that album and it bombed.

[A]

You open with I may not always love you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a fucking first line.

[B]

I know. Heavy, Heavy and all that. All the beach Boy, he didn't even surf. He's like, I hated the beach. It was all branding.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Crazy. What's that? Salakis.

[A]

This is my favorite Rolling Stone cover of all time.

[B]

Of all time.

[A]

All time.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Brother Brian.

[A]

Yeah. Look how his toe comes off. All right, so that's three movies. What else we got?

[B]

Hold on, I'm blanking.

[A]

Now we got Elephant Man. Last Boy Scout.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Beach Boy. Doc.

[B]

Alien. The original Alien.

[A]

That's fun as hell.

[B]

Never really. I saw it as a kid, but never really. I was too scared. So.

[A]

What a kid.

[B]

Great movie.

[A]

The great Harry Dean Stanton makes a little pop up.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yes.

[A]

Ridley was written originally for a man. And Sigourney Weaver was so good. Ripley, isn't it? What did I say?

[B]

Ridley.

[A]

Ridley. Oh, Ridley Scott. Did he directed it? Oh, yeah. Ripley. Ripley was originally written for a man. He liked her so much, he was like, you're the man.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And that's why she's known by her last name only she doesn't have a first name.

[B]

Well, it's also one of these movies where it's obviously a female lead, but you don't care. It's not like, shoved on you. It's just. It's just a good movie. It was written for a man.

[A]

That's why. And she's a badass.

[B]

And she's a badass. Is she, though?

[A]

Kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just dealt with a rat. I was not as composed when she dealt with a fucking alien. So who else is there? Great cast. I'm missing some people. By the way, speaking of Ripley, it was on TV the other day. I just watched talented Mr. Ripley start to finish such a. It's just an incredible fucking movie. And Philip Seymour Hoffman's cameo. Yeah, I don't know if you call it a cameo. It's smallish role. But he's such a funny, rich asshole. He just nails that type of douchebag.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That movie's Great.

[A]

And they're so mean to him. I mean, he's still fucked up. He's murdering people. But you're like. I mean, they are pieces of shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were also good looking. Like, young Matt Damon is ripped. And Jude Law. Hubba hubba.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like that's the best he ever was, too. I feel like he's really good in that.

[B]

He was great. He's great in Closer too. Or closer.

[A]

Closer's awesome.

[B]

That's. Look at that movie. Boy, that is a handsome man. Look at that guy.

[A]

Damon. Dude, I looked it up because my. I was watching my friend. He was like, damon must have won the Oscar for this, right? I was. I looked up. Wasn't even nominated, dude. It was a bunch of, like, heavyweights. So he was going up against, like, Denzel and, like, Kevin Spacey. All these people who are, like, in their bag at the moment.

[B]

Yeah. But yeah, that flight was.

[A]

We were missing one. What's the.

[B]

I can't remember the other movie. I was in and out. I took a lot of pills because I was trying to sleep through the whole fucking flight.

[A]

Sometimes it's nice to not have WI fi, though, because you're like, I have to pay attention to these movies.

[B]

That's true. And I loved it. I was like, I loved every movie. I was loving Alien. I loved Elephant Man. It's amazing.

[A]

And you're. I'm going to watch it. You're also more emotional on a. Yeah. When you're watching a movie. Like, I'll fucking. I'll fucking cry. And I feel like you hit me. Like, like, oh, fuck, I'll be that guy.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Probably drunk. I mean, it's like, it's everything. You have a few drinks and you watch a classic movie, like throwing Kramer vs. Kramer in a flight and see what the fuck happens to you.

[B]

Forget about it. Well, it was one of the. You ever have this on a flight where you go over a certain country and you get. You get a bunch of texts. Your texts pop up. You're like, wait, wait, what? And you have one little bar. And I got your text and I was like, oh, you know, life outside of this plane. And then you were like, boy, you're really gay and emotional right now. And I was like, oh, maybe I am. And I was all drugged up.

[A]

Well, that's what happens when we travel like this. Like, I'll get texts from you that I'm like, oh, this doesn't sound like mar. But that's cool. It's kind of cool. That, like, I think this much travel and lack of sleep and, like, it kind of opens, like, some level of vulnerability that maybe not all friendships have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you're just like, yeah, yeah. And some booze, but you're like, I feel the same way. I'm traveling sometimes. I'm just like. It hits us how fortunate we are that we're just doing we love, and we're just. Yeah, we're just having a good time.

[B]

Like, you always say, you're always this life, man. You always write that. And I completely agree. You got to be grateful we. We did it.

[A]

Yeah. Because I'm usually bomb when I write that, but I stand by it. It's. You know, you're just like, you're having a good night. I was like a bomb to the cellar and just, like, having fun.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's a good time. And Mark has a great analogy where he says, I came to New York with nothing. I played the game on hard, and I won.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's like the video game on hard.

[A]

Yeah. It's fucking incredible.

[B]

But, yeah, Australia. I got a lot of thoughts. This place is a fascinating place. You don't tip there. Yeah, but the service is better. Isn't that interesting? It's. It's like a psychology thing. Like.

[A]

Like a girl who treats you like shit, and you're like, please date me.

[B]

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think because the tip is mandatory, so there's like, an entitlement. Like, who cares if I'm a piece of shit waiter? I'm gonna get tipped over there. They're like, this is my job. So they do it. They do their job right here. I'm like, I'm scared to act. Like, if they fuck up my food at a restaurant, I'm like, I'll just eat it. I don't. I don't fuck with waiters.

[A]

You go to a lot of places here and, like, you know, it is. It's not mandatory. It's. You give what the performance was. Right. So you're like, I never give a bad tip, but if it's like. But if it's really good, I'll be like, I hear fucking extra. You know, I think some people bring it.

[B]

You know, some people bring it, but I feel like over there that the customer service just nicer. There's no crime. There's no garbage.

[A]

Well, they outlawed the guns over there.

[B]

They outlawed the guns after one shooting kids. Oh, really? Yeah.

[A]

I think it was kids, wasn't it?

[B]

Pussies. I mean, we have kids die every day. At a school shooting these quitters. But yeah, it's great. Port Arthur. Yeah, that was it. I put that in the act. Of course it would get an applause break every time. They're sick fucks. Now.

[A]

Here's the other crazy kids, I guess.

[B]

Other crazy about Australia.

[A]

That was us.

[B]

That was us. Yeah. That's our thing. Don't. Don't appropriate. But they, they. It's a kind of a nanny state. Like, they have cameras everywhere. And if you don't wear your seatbelt in the car, they just send you a ticket. If they see you on your phone in your car, they send you a ticket.

[A]

Very passive aggressive.

[B]

They're very rule following there. Like, I couldn't get drunk in Australia because you go to a bar and they do that. That horseshit where they measure it before they make a cocktail. I'm like, come on, just pour it, baby. Live your life. And they're like, we can't. I'll get fired. And I yell out. I was so annoyed at a bar after like the third night. I was like, you're supposed to be criminals. You were all criminals who were sent here, by the way.

[A]

This is a sign you have a drinking problem where you're like. You're measuring the alcohol. Shame on you. But I've done the same thing.

[B]

I'm like, where's.

[A]

You're like, an Applebee isn't there? And you're like, where's the heart?

[B]

Yes. It's like wearing a condom. Come on. Put in my ass. Dry. Anal. Give it to me dry. But they measure everything. And it's all a bunch of rule following sticklers over there. But I was like, you're supposed to be the. You're born from criminals. You were. You were pushed. What do you call that when you exiled out to this island part?

[A]

Which battle was. But I think it was MacArthur took in World War II. They had to hide in Australia for while. Remember, look it up. They had to fucking hide. He escaped. Maybe it wasn't World War II. Maybe. Look when it was. When MacArthur had to pull him out, they hid in Australia.

[B]

There you go. Did escape to Australia from the Philippines.

[A]

Yeah. By the way, it was World War II. Yeah. In March 1942, facing imminent capture by the Japanese, he was ordered by President Roosevelt to leave the Philippines and relocate to Australia. He famously declared, I came through and I shall return upon arriving in Australia.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Yeah, we go.

[B]

And it's also crazy. The whole. The whole country is on the coast. The middle is just arid death desert shit. And it's all coastline.

[A]

What was your favorite part of Australia?

[B]

I got to say, Melbourne is the most cool culture, fun cafes. It's almost kind of European. Sydney is like L. A where it's like Botox, blonde, rich people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But Brisbane is the Florida, they say. And Brisbane might have been the most fun.

[A]

They call it Bris Vegas, don't they?

[B]

Yeah. Brisney Land, too, they call it.

[A]

Well, yeah, that was probably my least favorite show I did there. But I had fun there. I think Melbourne's my favorite now.

[B]

Yeah, Melbourne might be the best.

[A]

Melbourne's just so fucking cool.

[B]

Sydney might be the prettiest with that opera house, the bridge, the harbor on the water. Yeah, but it's next level. But, yeah, Melbourne was the cooler. You go, like, down these alleys and there's a little coffee shop or a chocolate place or a croissant thing. It was so cool.

[A]

It just reminds me a little bit of new, too.

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

It's got, like a New York flavor. You walk everywhere. I. Australia is great. Just such a pain to get to.

[B]

But yeah, and then we had a. We had great shows. We did the last one in Perth. Perth.

[A]

Never been.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Perth is a whole nother world. It's. They say you take one right turn and you're on Mars. That's a Perth.

[A]

Did you hit any New Zealand action?

[B]

I did. I went to Auckland.

[A]

Never been there either.

[B]

I started in Auckland. Auckland's wild.

[A]

Did you get a straight shot to Auckland?

[B]

Straight shot.

[A]

That's. I think that's the one straight shot there.

[B]

I think it is. Yeah. 18 hours. Not bad.

[A]

And it was. That was a good time there.

[B]

It was great. I had this guy Keegan open for me out there. He's like the local funny guy. And he brought me some drugs and he crushed it up top. And. Well, for sleeping. And it's hard to get shit out there, you know, you got to do it like a pirate because look at that. It's in the middle of nowhere. I always say it's the. The aggressive Hawaii. It's like they're Hawaii, but they're like scary Hawaii. They hand you a lei, they go luau this place. They're doing the haka, they got face tattoos. It's a whole different world. But they're nice people, and I made fun of their whole thing, and they love it.

[A]

I gotta do Maori. The.

[B]

Yeah, the Maori.

[A]

Which is. Which one? Is that Australia? Is that New Zealand?

[B]

That's New Zealand. That's the haka in the soccer game.

[A]

Because you were there. I'M getting messages now, like, when are you coming? I'm like, I gotta. I gotta figure that out. Because I. I did. It wasn't that long ago, but I.

[B]

Yeah, you were quick. You were in and out. Everybody kept saying that. We had Sam here. He disappeared like Batman.

[A]

Yeah, I was fucking in and out, man. I. You know how these agents are. They just fucking book it. Bam, bam, bam. Also, I was. I think was on the road so hard the year I went that I was just like, I can't do a long.

[B]

It's a lot.

[A]

I think I did it all in like a week or something, which is.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Which is not how you're supposed to do Australia.

[B]

That's.

[A]

But I still. I got. I got like an extra day in each city, I think, but. Yeah, you want. You want a little. When you go that far, you want a little extra time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Brought the lady out. We really. We made a meal out of it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is Singapore right here. It's so close.

[A]

No wonder Ronnie has, like, a beef with, like, Australians in Singapore. They're like neighbors.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Jakarta is the closest city to Australian. That crazy. Ours is, like, fucking Montreal or Mexico City. Theirs is Jakarta. Wow.

[A]

So you. You come home, you see the baby?

[B]

Yes. The baby gave me this one because it's a little scary because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. He's only six months old, so he'll sometimes spaz out. But I show up and he goes. It was one of those, like, who the are you? And then. Oh, yeah. And then I talked and he was like, ah, boy, did we hug. We dance. We zerbert. I. I flipped him around. I did one of these, you know.

[A]

You shot him through a basketball hoop?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

But, oh, yeah, we had a great time. So I just couldn't let go of that baby. So I bathed it, I put it down. We had a. We had a good day.

[A]

I did the same thing with my rat. I said, oh, it's been. It's been a few hours. Come here, Budd.

[B]

There he is.

[A]

Piece of you, dude.

[B]

We gotta name him Raul. Oh, Raul. There you go.

[A]

So we. I went away for a few days. I just. You know, I never get out of the city. And it's like, sometimes in the city it gets a little hot. My buddy Chase and I were like, let's just go to, like, a weird. Let's go to, like, a lake and just chill and I'll work. I'll. I'll, like, write and I'll chill and paddle Board and do some. We'll do stuff that's just chill.

[B]

Imagine telling you this eight years ago. You would never believe it.

[A]

Well, wait, wait to hear how long. Wait, wait. I lasted there, okay? So I go there, you know, it's a nice place, but it's all old people. Because I'm like, this is what I was like, I'll just do this. We're on the lake. And I was like, let's paddle board. That's a good thing to do, is to paddle board. We'll do that. So some guy gives me an oar, and, you know, we're on there. We're paddling. I realize five minutes. I'm like, this fucking oar is broken. He gave me a broken oar. I can't paddle. It doesn't like it. It's flimsy. It breaks. So I was like, fuck, this could be an issue. All right, whatever. I'm fine. I'll just figure it out. The current takes us so fucking far. I shit you not. We're a mile and a half out.

[B]

This is where you stand on it. Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah, but you can also just sit on. You can do whatever, but it's kind of fun.

[B]

But it's fun, fun when you got.

[A]

A paddle that works. The current takes me all the way. It's a fucking strong current. Takes me all the way out. Chases there with me, and he's like, dude, I have a working paddle. This current's pretty brutal. I. I think we're kind of fucked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was like, what do we do? So, yeah, I literally, by the way, he wouldn't wear a fucking life preserver. And I mentioned Malcolm Jamal Warner, and he was like, fine. That's how I got him to wear a life preserver. I'm like, malcolm, the fucking Cosby guy just died, dude, just fucking throw on a life preserver. He's like, fine. And then when we were stuck out there, he was like, thank God you talked me into that. Could have been bad. We're stuck out there. We can't get to this. The waves are so strong. We can't get to fucking. Even with his working one. He's like, this is pretty tough.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

We can't get back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, just. I'm screaming. I'm getting taken away further because I have no working thing. I have no paddle. So I'm like, just fucking get to shore. We'll figure it out. Just get to shore. That's the move here. So he makes it, and I'm like, fuck. I have to put the paddle down. It's broken. I just start swimming on the fucking paddleboard. And I'm swimming like a motherfucker, you know? Like, I'm like, thank God, because I'm not a fast swimmer. I'm a city kid. But, you know, I'll do laps on the road sometimes, so I at least have endurance there. So I'm fucking fighting. And I somehow get to the fucking. I get to the shore.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And we're just like, that fucking sucked. And there's a construction guy and he's like, here's a. Here's a two by four you can get back with. I'm like, dude, I'm not. I'm not getting back with a two by. I'm like, I. And he's like, all right, fine. I'll. I'll drive you back on my boat. And we're like, thank you, dude. Thank you so much. Drives us back. He's. At first he's like, these guys, these dumb city hick idiots. But then I was like, has that ever happened to you? He's like, yeah, the current's a. Out here. Like, it has happened. No warning from the guy that gave you the paddles. Nothing. And he gave me a broken paddle.

[B]

Damn, you're up shit's creek.

[A]

Yeah. So he gets us back. And I was like, dude, I owe you big time. Can I. Can I go to my room and get. I don't have cash on me. I'm in a bathing suit. But can I get you, like, can I give you money? And he was just like, just leave me a bottle of something. And I was like, all right. We left him three bottles, you know. Appreciate it. Left it on the dock. That was his dock. And I get back, no, we. They left his shit in the room. I had like a vodka, like a wine. I just lost it. But I was like, I see the guy and it's like a kid doing a summer job. He doesn't give a fuck. So I was like, dude, you gave me a broken pad. And he goes, oh, yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

There's nowhere for my rage to go.

[B]

Y.

[A]

He doesn't care.

[B]

I hate that.

[A]

I hated that. But then I was like, but then we're there another. So we're there like two nights, and we got there late. One night there, another night. Then the third day, we're supposed to been there another night. And I'm like, I'm fucking bored, dude. It's raining. I was like, you want to drive back to the city and get fucking hammered? In the village. And he was like, yeah. We left immediately. We made it two nights.

[B]

Two is pretty good.

[A]

Two is not bad. But that's fucking. That's. That's my travel. That's my non comedy travel for this year.

[B]

Near death experience, I have to say.

[A]

Yeah, it's not. It's not.

[B]

It was just a lake.

[A]

I wasn't.

[B]

Oh, it was a lake.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, no, I wasn't panicked. I wasn't pan. I wasn't like, scared. I was just like, annoying. Yes. Okay. No, no, ocean. Ocean. I would have been dead.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

No, no, lake. I was. It was just annoying. I was just like, this paddle doesn't work. I can't get back. No, it wasn't like, that's the worst.

[B]

Horror movie of all time. We're stuck in the lake on a paddle board. We had a paddle was broken.

[A]

No, even in the movie Lake Placid, they had to throw in like a wild animal.

[B]

Yes. It wasn't just the lake. I saw a guppy.

[A]

No, no, no. It was just fucking annoying. That's all it was. But. But yeah, I came back. We just got fucking lit up. And that's what.

[B]

I was hammered at the village.

[A]

Let's go back to the city and.

[B]

Just get fucking lit up. He's like, yeah, hammered there. Yeah, boring.

[A]

You get hammered around fun people in the village.

[B]

I'm with you. That. That nature shit. Me and the lady during COVID were like, hey, the world shut down. Let's get a cabin upstate in the woods. We'll. We'll fuck, we'll get drunk, we'll make.

[A]

If I had a woman with me, it would have been different.

[B]

Well, you've. You've gone in every hole. You've done every position. You're like, what do we do? It's our cousin, but all right.

[A]

Mark's just trying to fuck her ear. He's like, hold on, let me see if I can come real quick.

[B]

And then here's the clinker. There was no TV in the fucking cabin. So I was like, what are you.

[A]

Supposed to do when you're coming back? Reloading for the next round?

[B]

I know, it's like Misery TV in my room, breaking her legs.

[A]

Oh, dude. We were playing ping pong. We were trying to be like. We were trying to went to town there. There was like a nice little town. The food was pretty good.

[B]

All right.

[A]

But like, yeah, I'm just there with my buddy at a certain point. I'm like, I want to get fucking hammered around, like, people.

[B]

They didn't have a local dive you could go to.

[A]

It was fishermen. No, if there were fishermen, I would have gotten fucking hammered with the fisherman. But it was dead. It was all dead.

[B]

Yeah. I'm the same way, though. If it's boring, it's boring. Like, what are we doing? I'm just looking at my phone in a cab. Look at my phone in my apartment.

[A]

I saw Colin Quinn at the Cellar, and we were talking about it, and he was just like, you're a fucking city kid. You can't manage without, like, a ton of stimulation. It's like, you're not. He's like, I'm the same way. I can't do it.

[B]

I'm the same way. I'm with you. I have. No, no. Like. Like. Well, they went. We went hiking in New Zealand called the Blue Mountains. It was beautiful, but I'm just hiking and I'm like, well, now what do we do? We're just walking. It's just a walk. What is hiking, then? We call it hiking. Like, it's this big thing. It's just you just walking through the woods. I hate the term hiking.

[A]

I went on the. On the Blue Chew Mountain. I'll tell you. Fuck it, you're.

[B]

Or could have used a Blue Jew that was limp. But, yeah, it was awful. It was great.

[A]

No, it was. I. I. I'm cool. Yeah, if I hiked, it would have been cool. We. We actually were driving back, and there was, like, some cool mountains. I'm like, if we did this, it would have been more fun. I up. I'm not good at planning stuff.

[B]

I'm not either.

[A]

You need a woman to plan. You need a woman, but then she plans bad. There's always.

[B]

We're going to jazz brunch.

[A]

Jazz brunch. Oh, my God.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Can I do heroin?

[B]

Yeah, Exactly.

[A]

Awful.

[B]

So, yeah, yeah, the hike was cool. But again, it's one of those things where you're like, so now what?

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know? And it was. He's like, look at the landscape. I'm like, I got it.

[A]

I know. But, God, think about how fucking. It's only gonna get worse. I mean, we're just overstimulated.

[B]

You.

[A]

You're literally around nature. You're on a hike, and you're like, yeah.

[B]

And I exit. And it's the same with the beach, but it's.

[A]

But it's literally, you're taking in nature. You're supposed. This. What it's supposed to.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

We're fucking. We're Something's wrong with us.

[B]

Yes. Yes. Yeah, we're a mess. But my thing is with the beach. I sit down with all the shit. I look at the ocean, I go, got it. Let's go. And they go, no, we gotta build a sandcastle. We gotta swim. We gotta collect rocks.

[A]

And we are the worst, dude. We barely show up. Like, we show up to a beach in Sydney, we're like, yeah, I get what you're doing here. Let's get out of here. Let's get fucking hammered.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm with you.

[A]

I mean, let's get shitface in the hotel lobby.

[B]

Well, it's the same.

[A]

Flew around the world to get drunk in a lobby.

[B]

That sounds great. Now, that's a night. But you know when List would set up those. Those Central park hangs?

[A]

Do I remember? You fucking bailed on one.

[B]

Yeah. I knew it. This is.

[A]

Do you know this story?

[B]

I went to a couple.

[A]

Mark, Mark, he threw a birthday.

[B]

Oh, this was bad.

[A]

Lisp throws a birthday party for Mark in Central park, and everyone shows up except Mark. Mark. Mark took a flight to some gig, and Joe's like, mark, where are you? And you're. You're like, oh, I left town. And he was like, I threw a birthday for you. We were all cracking up because he was so fucking upset.

[B]

He was pissed.

[A]

But we were like, we're like, this is. Mark didn't want a fucking birthday.

[B]

I want to go do a gig upstate. But, yeah, he was. He was. That was a fight.

[A]

I know. I. Fucking big. Yeah.

[B]

That was like, our first big fight, bro. But, yeah, yeah, that. That. That's. I don't know. I get to the park and I go, now what? We're just sitting here like, we could have done this at the Cellar with his food and drink.

[A]

Well, that's the thing is, like, we're nocturnal creatures. When people. I've had people say, like, they're shocked to see me during the day. I'm not, like, out in the day. They're like, oh, my God, you in shorts. I'm like, yeah, it's rare.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's true. But that's what's good about women. Like, my wife will be like, we're going to Portsmouth this weekend.

[A]

Portsmouth is nice.

[B]

Portsmouth is very nice.

[A]

Bougie, too.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

It's a little bougie.

[B]

A little bougie, but all right. But I'm like, oh, it's a cute town. I'm googling. Hey, this is really pretty. And then you get there and you're like, all right, now what?

[A]

Yeah, you're like. You feel. You feel a little bit duped.

[B]

A little. Dude, you're a little duped.

[A]

You're like, yeah, I'm just you in a different location.

[B]

Right, Right. Yeah.

[A]

How about that, Herman?

[B]

Well, it's like that. That was it Sandler, who had that great bit about how when you go to Hawaii, you still have your brain.

[A]

Oh, it's. It's an SNL thing with.

[B]

It's an snl.

[A]

You're still gonna be you.

[B]

You're still you. You think, I'll go to Hawaii. I'll figure it all out. I'll relax. I'll have a Corona with the waves on the palm tree. You still hate yourself.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's the thing is. I mean, I remember being in Greece with a woman.

[B]

I remember this.

[A]

And I was reading a book on Putin by the pool in Santorini. And she's like, what's wrong with you? I was like, this is how I am.

[B]

I guess.

[A]

I don't know. I guess I'm joyless.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[A]

I'm fucking joyless.

[B]

You got me in the Beach Boys, Doc. This was the cool part, is Brian Wilson. These guys are blowing up. They're making millions of dollars. They're going on the road. All the brothers, they're all related. They're all getting laid. They're like, this is crazy. We're every chick in the world, we're getting screamed at. He's like, I want to go back home. And like, are you nuts? You want to go home?

[A]

Brian Wilson.

[B]

Brian Wilson, he's like the leader, the old brother. And they're. He's like, I just want to go home and write music. And they're like, we got it made. We got the world by the boat. We're in a jumbo jet. We got everywhere.

[A]

The band needs that. You need that guy who's that committed and obsessed with music, and that's why they're good.

[B]

So he convinced him. He goes, I'll go home and write all the music. You guys go get laid and get drunk. When you come back, you know, you'll have the music ready, and then you'll have a new hour when you go tour. So it kind of worked out.

[A]

But I remember hearing a story back in the day about the actor William Peterson, you know, from, like, Manhunter, and he's in a lot of great movies. He's fucking To Live and Die la. Oh, yeah, he's awesome actor. But I guess he got offered Platoon, you know, the role Platoon that Charlie Sheen took. And he was like, fuck that shit. And he did some, like, crappy LA movie. Because, like, no, I just. You think I want to go to Vietnam or wherever the hell they're filming? Filming? I'll just bang models and film movies in la. I don't care if they're good. And I'm at the age where I'm like, I get it.

[B]

I totally get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not only going to be able to do that, you know, when you're young. Like, my parents hope they never hear this. They went to Paris. Like, we're going on a family trip to Paris. And my first thought was, I'm gonna get out of this. This trip and have a party at the house. And I fake sick.

[A]

Like, that's like, perfect. I'll her ear hole. This will be awesome.

[B]

I faked sick like Ferris Bueller. And I had a big rager at the house. It was awesome.

[A]

Your Risky Business moment.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

I did the same thing when I went to Tulane. Freshman year, Katrina hits, and my parents had, like, a fucking first vacation forever planned. They go to Europe. I have the house to myself. So thank God for Katrina. I got to have some parties.

[B]

Yeah, it all worked out. Wait, you went into New York and had a party?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Yeah, it all worked out.

[B]

Damn, that's great. All right, have a good one, guys. See? Yeah, that. That party, it had to happen. But it just shows your priorities in life.

[A]

Well, when you're a kid, you're very immature. Yep.

[B]

Yeah. And you want to get drunk.

[A]

You wanna get drunk, and you want to get laid, and you don't. You have no space.

[B]

Right.

[A]

One of the great objectives in life is getting your own space.

[B]

Good point.

[A]

So you get space. You know, when you have your own place where you have roommates for years, then you get your own space. And then you're just like, this is fucking amazing. But then eventually you probably get married.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You lose some of your space.

[B]

That's true. Then you have a kid, you lose.

[A]

Even more space, so you got to get your space back. So you. That's why people, like, romanticize a fucking dumb thing like a man cave. You're like, well, this is a place just for me. This is my thing.

[B]

But good point.

[A]

But, you know, I hate that term.

[B]

But it's true.

[A]

It's such a dumb term.

[B]

I hate it. It's embarrassing.

[A]

Awful.

[B]

But it's a good thing to have.

[A]

But I'm like. I realized, like, my apartment is, like, is a total bachelor pad. It's made for just a dude alone. It's not made for like. It's like.

[B]

That's a great apartment. Every guy walks in there, they go.

[A]

Oh, it's fun, it's fun.

[B]

But the big tv, you got the fold out couch, you got the bar, you got the home theater, you got it all.

[A]

It's fun. It's fun. But it's also like, at a certain point that. That gets old too. You need to keep mixing it up. So a certain point, I'd love to be in a relationship again, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Well, my. My house now, I built an office and that office is like. It's kind of my man cave, but also an office, but also a getaway.

[A]

Yeah. What's the setup like?

[B]

Oh, it's great. I got a big couch in there. I got a big desk. I got all my. On the walls, all my memorabilia, photos of us and albums and everything. And I got a big closet full of video stuff. We shoot my. We shoot Tuesdays in there. So it's just a nice. A great little getaway. And also if you say, I'm going to my office, be like, oh, shit, leave Malone, he's working, he's working.

[A]

Meanwhile, you're fucking. You lock the door, you're rubbing one out.

[B]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So you gotta have it. You gotta have a space.

[A]

You need space. I mean, but it is amazing. Like, you know, I remember those parties when you're growing up, you just need. You're just like, oh, my God, the house is mine for this moment. You feel like a adult.

[B]

I know. And that's why guys go to like Lookout Mountain or whatever with their girl and they neck in the car or, you know, that was a big thing in like the west coast, you know, they drive to like some point and make out.

[A]

You get stabbed by the Zodiac Killer.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

You might get your dick sucked.

[B]

You might.

[A]

It was worth all the dice.

[B]

That's how much guys wanted to get away and get their dick sucked. They're like, look, there's a killer out here. But I'll roll the dice.

[A]

You gotta.

[B]

But, yeah. See, yeah, you need a. You need. That's why guys, we would hang out in like parking lots when I was just. Because you're like, I need to get somewhere.

[A]

Smoking blunts in Central park, wherever the fuck we could get away with it. Just fucking whatever is. Yeah, wherever. We're not gonna be seen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just want to be away from shit.

[B]

Yeah. When I first moved to New York, it was all roofs to go up on the roof of every building was always. We were always on the roof drinking.

[A]

Roofs are still cool.

[B]

I love a roof.

[A]

I love a roof. I love it because you get a view. It's a party with a view.

[B]

Yeah. And you're reminded like, oh, shit, I'm in New York.

[A]

And it's kind of seasonal. You don't get a roof year round unless you're one of those places that drops crazy money on, like, heating lamps and shit.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, we didn't have that.

[A]

Yeah, no, I mean, like, but some, like, bars do that shit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[A]

Yeah. But, like, no roof is seasonal. Or you. Or you just throw on your jacket. I remember doing roofs during COVID You're just like, I'm fucking doing stand up in, like, a winter jacket.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Freezing. A lot of pressure to be good. And I wasn't so.

[B]

Well, co was a tough time. I mean, tough time for comedy. Just, you had to go to, like, do video content. Like, you. You did it great. You put out a special and you just had to get creative. It kind of separated the. The men from the boys a little bit of like, who's gonna step up and figure something out here?

[A]

Just got to keep fucking. Gotta keep working, man. I mean, it's also like, what else are we gonna do? It's like, life is fucking boring without stand up. I love doing this shit. You also think about, like, what these ancient settlers back. Way back in the day, like, what did they do for entertainment before they had phones and all this shit?

[B]

They.

[A]

They gathered around and they played music and shit. It's the same thing when you're not allowed to get together. That's why I think we had this boom after Covid. People were like, holy shit, I get to go out again. That's why we were all selling tickets through the roof.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's why it's kind of, you know, hit a plateau a little bit. But I think it'll. It'll come back at some point.

[B]

Totally, totally. And I think there was the government's crazy. Just. The world got kind of crazy, and so they want to hear someone joke about it, which is healthy.

[A]

We need that.

[B]

And I think HR kind of went up, HR went up, fun went down. So comedy. I have a theory. I. Hold on. Buckle up. Tell me what you think about this.

[A]

Buckle.

[B]

Dude, I think I've been watching a lot of these old. These old rock documentaries, like Led Zeppelin and whatnot. Beach boys. The early 60s is Mad Men. It's buttoned up. It's fucking gel cream or What a brill. Cream in the hair. It's. Get a haircut, shave, you know, tuck your shirt in, do your job. Yes. And then it was very Christian puritanical. And then it became. So then these kids, like, broke out and they're like, I got. I'm going long hair. I'm rock and roll. I'm free love. I'm fucking everybody. I'm doing acid. And that became this cultural. Holy shit. Everything's changing. Comedy, rock is dead. Who's going to see who's. Who's the last rock band? The strokes. That was 15 years there.

[A]

No new rock bands. I mean, I'm fuck. Now I sound like a fucking old person.

[B]

I'm sure there are, but they're not. They're not what they were. They're not, like, grabbing you by the balls. Look at that.

[A]

Wow. That's crazy, because everything that comes up is older.

[B]

This is old Green Day. Get out of here. Coldplay. I don't even count that as rock. All right, we got some fat lady with dreads. I'm talking about. Give me some fucking. Something that really rocks the nation. So I think comedy came in and just swooped that up because back then, taboo was, you know, counterculture. The devil having long hair. Yeah, a lot about the devil. Leather pants, weird clothes, a beard. Now, taboo is words. And I think comics come in and say some. I'm not saying you just go up there and go, fucked up words. But.

[A]

But there's also ways that comics can reach their audience in ways that musicians can't. Because, you know, how many musicians have a podcast? How many musicians are, like, direct to consumer like that, you know, like, we can only, you know, musicians. How many. How many albums can you put out? Whereas we're the same way.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's a special. Is what, an hour? An hour? Two years if you're fucking really on top of it.

[B]

Yeah, Right.

[A]

But, you know, you can kind of do other stuff.

[B]

You can do other stuff and we can talk. I think if you got Metallica in here, it wouldn't be that funny.

[A]

I think we got pitched somewhere. That Metallica guy could probably talk.

[B]

I would like to have Metallica, but.

[A]

They don't need to either. They're probably just like, I'll tour and just make way more money.

[B]

But to your point.

[A]

But they're grandfathered in.

[B]

They're grandfathered in.

[A]

What you're talking about.

[B]

We. Can you get Theo in here and he just. He's riffing and raffing. He's bullshitting. It's funny. So you can grab an audience now. You got a Paris para social relationship. Is that the word? Okay, I heard this. This documentary is amazing. About Metallica. I forgot the name of it. Oh, yeah, he said the name. I'd. I'd know it. Metallica. Duck. Some Kind of monster, everybody says. Amazing.

[A]

I never really got into him.

[B]

I don't like the band that much either.

[A]

They have a couple songs I love, but I just. Yeah, never really got into it. Heavy.

[B]

It's too heavy for me. It's too like.

[A]

That's the song I like though, because Mariano Rivera from the Yankees come out to it.

[B]

That really.

[A]

That was the entrance. Oh, shit. Enter Sandman.

[B]

It's a great song. It's just. It's just too cringy for me. I'm like, it's too dark and whatever.

[A]

Yeah. There's a lot of bands like, look, I never got into. And I feel like. I feel like embarrassed. I don't know more about Ozzy, because he seems cool as fuck.

[B]

Ozzy, I love.

[A]

Everything I've heard, I really like, but I just don't know him like, you know, a lot of people do. I never got into, like, Kiss. I never got into like a lot of the. The heavy shit, but I don't. I feel. I cringe even talking about music because I'm such a. Like, I love movies and comedy so much, you know, but if I talk about music like someone listens, that this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

[B]

Right, right. Same. But like Ozzy, the song Paranoid is like one of the great rap songs.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

Incredible. Yeah, he was. And you know what's weird about Ozzy? He's the Prince of Darkness, quote unquote. If you listen to the song Crazy Train, it opens by saying, we gotta learn how to love and forget how to. Hey. It's all about like progressive get together. Like, let's be friends and stop hating each other.

[A]

Yeah. His message isn't dark. He's just.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Like, his. His vibe is dark.

[B]

Very lovey dovey message. Yeah.

[A]

He seemed like a lovely guy.

[B]

I mean, like, he did. I mean, although you ever see that Howard Stern with him where Sharon. He brought Sharon to China for the first time. He was on some tour. And she's like. And then Ozzy disappeared for five hours and he came back, Turns out he was a hooker. He was with a hooker. And Howard's like, doesn't that bother you? And he's like. She's like, well, he's a rock star. That's what they do. And then Ozzy's like. I don't even remember. You know, it's. It's hilarious. But she was a very, very freewheeling, very lax.

[A]

I think when you're with someone like that, you just fucking. You make your peace with it, I guess. I mean, how about George Harrison and Eric Clapton, man?

[B]

What. What is that?

[A]

We just. Layla. That's the woman he stole from him and they stayed friends.

[B]

I didn't even know that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

I mean, I think you're just like, yeah, we're fucking rock stars. This shit happens.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I mean, comedians, we are not the same.

[B]

No, those. Those. That does not work with us.

[A]

You get some good material out of it, though.

[B]

That's true, that's true.

[A]

But Layla, that's like fucking. You know?

[B]

But yeah, What a. What a bad. We had a three or three banger there. Malcolm, Jamal, Hulk Hogan and Ozzy. One week.

[A]

Hogan, that was. Wrestlers just don't live long.

[B]

He lived less than Ozzy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Ozzy was doing drugs and drinking for.

[A]

But Hogan's 50 years. Drugs, dude. You don't get that big.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Whatever you're putting in your body. To be that big at that age is not that. Like, I don't look at Hulk Hogan as the picture of health.

[B]

Nah.

[A]

Like, I'm like, he's jacked. He's huge.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I'm not like, that's good.

[B]

No, it's a lot of roids, a lot of pain pills. I'm sure.

[A]

I mean, pull him out of shirtless, like an old Hogan. Shirtless. It doesn't look right. You're defying nature to a point that it's like, this is not good.

[B]

He's also got to be, what, six, seven?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Old or taller. People tend to not last.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

Oof. Well, you know, I'm talking tall. Tall. Like, you're. You're a normal tall. All right. I'm talking like, Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

[A]

He's still going, is he? Yeah.

[B]

I don't want him to die. I'm just saying, I think tall people die quicker. Sorry.

[A]

Bill Russell made it to the mid-80s.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Bill Russell.

[B]

The basketball player.

[A]

Yeah. He looks. Yeah. Zoom in here. What are we looking at here?

[B]

I just feel like you rarely see a. Like a 6, 7 guy at an old folks home. That's fair. Oh, that looks bad.

[A]

I mean, what is. What is with the beer? What is he. What was he doing?

[B]

I think he bleaches the mustache, then he Just kind of let it go for a few days.

[A]

It's funny. I saw that guy, Bubba the Love Sponge, you know, he'd beef with. And it's just funny that, like, when you die and you live in Tampa, you got people called Bubba the Love Sponge. Like, I wish we patched it up, man.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The Hulkster and Bubba. Bubba the Love Sponge, man.

[A]

We should have put our egos aside.

[B]

What is a love spot? What does that mean?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

He's 59.

[A]

What is the love spongebob? You're really looking good. God bless you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A person who's charming and attractive, soaking up attention and affection. Or a radio show hosted by Bubba the Love Sponge, known for his controversial and outrageous content.

[B]

All right, well, Shock Jock was big. In the name of Stern and Opiate. Anthony. And Love Sponge. That was Don Imus. That was big back then.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like we've taken over that mantle.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. I. It was never something that appealed to me.

[B]

No. No. Well, I did, like, some Ona. Because you got, like, a young Quinn and Patrice.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Louie Norton.

[A]

Geraldo.

[B]

Geraldo. Then, like, Norm would pop in, or Artie or.

[A]

We have stuff. You want to give us some stuff? We got packages.

[B]

Oh, this is gonna be porn and guns.

[A]

It's gonna be a woman's hair.

[B]

Did I miss anything? By the way, in. In New York, anything go down? Oh, I know. I missed the shooting.

[A]

That was weird. Midtown, man.

[B]

Whoa. The Godfather music. Oh.

[A]

White man can't jump. That's kind of fun.

[B]

That's cool. We can hang these up.

[A]

These are kind of fun.

[B]

Both movies I love. Hey, classic. Ooh, look at this.

[A]

Ooh, Sandler. We listen to some Sandler in the drive up. Wow. This guy's got good taste. Chris Rock, bigger and blacker. One of the most influential, giving you that. What is this?

[B]

Vh.

[A]

Oh, shit. A. A Bernard King card. Love that.

[B]

Wow. This is like, my whole childhood right here.

[A]

Wait a second. No, this is Charles Oakley. What? It says Rebound King. Never mind Charles Oakley. Good old Oak.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Go Nicks. Thank you.

[B]

I feel like this guy could have put half this shit on ebay and made about 18.

[A]

Yeah, this is, like, kind of cool shit to this. I feel like we're running a thrift store here, but, yeah. Pulp Fiction soundtrack. Pretty iconic.

[B]

Laughing out loud. Norm. Bill Maher. Ray Romano. Drew Carey. Whoa. What the. Drew Carey doesn't get his due. He's a funny guy.

[A]

He is a funny guy.

[B]

Jack Daniels. This is like a little Tin Man.

[A]

This is like.

[B]

I know Mark has trouble falling asleep. Throw this puppy on. It works like a charm.

[A]

Good joke, Cosby. Good stuff.

[B]

I like this guy. Drinking through it. Drink through it.

[A]

This is. This is a fun package.

[B]

Hang that up right there.

[A]

Hey, Hanukkah came early here. You're all right.

[B]

And a Carson box set. Okay. Look at that. He had a few boxes in his day. Is that the just Comedians or is that the whole show?

[A]

I don't even know. It looks like it's all comedians, man. It is weird that, you know, you think of Nicholson and the Shining. Here's Johnny. It's weird to have that reference like you're that fucking iconic.

[B]

He was that famous.

[A]

That you're. You made the Shining.

[B]

The whole country watched that show every night.

[A]

Crazy times, man.

[B]

Different time. That's all they had.

[A]

No more Colbert. No more.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You did Colbert, right?

[B]

I did.

[A]

I did it once, too.

[B]

I had an okay. Said what I saw. One guy commented, this is a bad set from a good comedian. And I was like, I'll take.

[A]

I got the same response. I. I was, I think the first comedian on there.

[B]

I think you were.

[A]

I think it was Maria Bamford, like, that he wanted on. So it was like his. Like, she's my favorite comedian. I want her on. And then the booker. I was the first comedian. So, yeah, I don't think it was a great set. It was kind of like they neuter it till it's not funny. When you do CBS or NBC usually, yeah, you got some edgy in a Fallon set once. I remember you get that Girlfriend Walker bit on a Fallon set. I remember being like, that's pretty cool.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, that was not easy. I had to push for that idol. I also had to push for Boner. They wanted me to say erection.

[A]

Well, the problem is, you know, look.

[B]

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[A]

It was fun to do. It's fun as hell to be in the Ed Sullivan theater.

[B]

It's iconic.

[A]

But it was. It was a tough one for comics, as we all know.

[B]

It really was. Yeah. Although we did it when Colbert was still there, remember he would walk out.

[A]

Yeah. They would just have like six comedians at a time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just record. And he wasn't there. Which is like, it really takes the thrill away completely. You want to meet the host, you want the handshake, you want the job well done thing.

[B]

Yeah. You want the whole experience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Otherwise it's just a stage.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, who gives a shit? Yeah. They would just plug and play it. Like, they'd kind of hold it and be like, here, we'll put it in when we feel like it.

[B]

The rumor was he didn't love stand up.

[A]

I don't know. Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't like the type of comedy we do would be my guess, but really, maybe. I don't know. I mean, I had a ton of respect for Colbert. Like, you know, growing up, I turned on Colbert Report.

[B]

I love fucking.

[A]

I loved Stranger with Candy.

[B]

I loved, you know, his. Was it White House?

[A]

Oh, it was incredible.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

He did a roast set on Chevy Chase and it's one of the most vicious roast sets I've ever seen.

[B]

It was really.

[A]

It was incredible.

[B]

Wow. He.

[A]

It was the Colbert voice when he did Colbert Report. So it was all very cutting and sarcastic and that was so he was like fake praising him, but it was vicious. And yeah, it was very good.

[B]

Maybe we could play. I don't think I've ever seen this.

[A]

Are we allowed to play that or. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, you have to find.

[B]

Oh, wow. Paul Schaefer Rose. We're like a big deal.

[A]

Yeah. I mean. Oh, yeah. Here he is. Here he is. Yeah. Let's see. We could probably watch.

[B]

And I am appalled at some of the things that I have heard said about this man. And I don't.

[A]

I don't really mean out here.

[B]

I mean back stage. Some hideous, hurtful, hate filled things that you could never take back. And I just. I will not be party to it. I'm sorry, I've got to draw a line. Because who am I?

[A]

Chevy Chase?

[B]

I don't know Chevy Chase. I have never met Mr. Chase.

[A]

I'm actually, I'm uncomfortable calling him Chevy.

[B]

The.

[A]

The only thing I think of when I look at this man is there.

[B]

But for the grace of God. No, I. Why would I tempt the comedy gods to strike me down like this?

[A]

To leave me pale and pear shaped by humorless husk of my Former self.

[B]

Haunting walls of Hollywood. Like some sort of walking, waking cautionary tale. Shapeless and odorless and colorless. Gray on beige. A comedy lamprey. Wow. This was a risk, and it worked. He committed. The sink is off.

[A]

Yeah. Very good.

[B]

Very good, man. He's a pro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even Chevy responded, which. That whole. I remember that whole roast, he was just like, whatever. Shut up.

[A]

Yeah. I guess that roast is when he found out people didn't like him. It's a weird way to find out that you're like, I guess you ask all the big dogs to do it and they're like, nah, fuck that guy.

[B]

Yeah. Everybody hates him. I met him at The Adam Ray. Dr. Phil.

[A]

Yeah. What was the vibe?

[B]

Not great. I. It was just like, I got the limp handshake and he was in a wheelchair, which was awkward. And then he walked out. Did the show. Didn't say much within a wheelchair, but.

[A]

He did walk out.

[B]

Yeah. He has the wheelchair just to get around, but he can still walk.

[A]

That's a weird move.

[B]

Yeah. I think he needs it a little.

[A]

But no one respects a half a wheelchair.

[B]

No, they really don't.

[A]

It's weird to be like, I'll do the wheelchair for this part. And then you're like, I'm good for.

[B]

Yeah. It's strange. There he is. Yeah. No energy. Didn't. Didn't bring anything to the table, but. But still pretty cool to have him there, I guess.

[A]

I mean, he's done a lot of.

[B]

Yeah, there he is. He's a legend. Of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah. Did not say much on Stay. He really kind of left Adam hanging. Adam had to do all the. The heavy lifting.

[A]

It's a whole new world. I mean, I'm sure these guys are looking at this like, what is this? Yeah. Like, they came up at such a different time. They came up when it was just like, movies. And then it's like, okay, so he's not Dr. Phil, but he's pretending to be Dr. Phil.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's in a theater this big.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, it must be just, like, jarring as fuck.

[B]

I know, I know. They don't understand it. There's a lot going well. We have to put out our own content. I think that's. Most people are like, where's the camera? Where's the crew? Where's craft service? This is all pretty gorilla.

[A]

They were treated so well. I know these movies are like, you do a bit part in a movie and you're like, oh, this is crazy.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

It's crazy how they treat you like, this is like. I did a bit part in a movie recently and very small part, and there's like 400 people there. I know, like, they're like, can I get this? Okay, you want this?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And I'm like, this is why these don't get made.

[B]

I know, it's millions.

[A]

They think this is what it takes to make a movie.

[B]

It doesn't. We don't need this. But there's a lady on the corner and jean shorts like, yes, sir. Okay. But I can't come in this area. She's got. Got a lock up a whole area. It's. All of. It's unnecessary.

[A]

At least 40 redundant producers. Yeah. That's why the shows like Cobra. Everyone's saying it's political, which, I don't know, maybe it is political, but you have to also admit that you look at the credits and you're like, that's a lot of people.

[B]

For a guy talking on stage and a guest in a band, that's a lot of people. Extras.

[A]

And, and it's. It is an old model, you have to admit.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And like when you go and do Rogan or something, there's like four people there. And this is the most top grossing show. So you have to look at like, okay. I hope these shows don't always go away because. Forever go away. Because I, I love the idea of like an interview with a crowd. I think it's awesome. Sure, I love that shit. But you do have to find a way to do it in an affordable way. And then also it fucking breaks my heart because you think of the people who like post strike, like, man, how many writers we know who can't work and can't get a job and now it's you to throw all these other people. It's gonna be fucking hard, dude.

[B]

It is. Yeah, but it's. Times are changing. It's kind of like.

[A]

I mean, we just have Matt Peters here. We pay him in M M's. It's crazy.

[B]

You know, it's. But it's like the, you know, the. That's how everything goes. It's like the saddle guy, when the car comes out, he's the horseshoe guys, the barn guys, the horse tame guys, you know, it's just. Things change. Now we got self driving cars coming. So the trucker is like, well, what do we do? Yeah, damn, what are the Uber drivers gonna do when Waymo kicks up all the way? Waymo's coming.

[A]

Waymo, man. Yeah. What do you think? Would you take one home?

[B]

I've done it a few times. Yeah. Where.

[A]

Where'd you take.

[B]

I got one in Austin. I just was like, oh, I'm drunk at this bar you call an Uber.

[A]

And it was a Waymo.

[B]

Yeah, the waymo was like $8 cheaper. You know, it's like, Uberx, Uber Black, Uber, whatever. Got the Waymo. I'm just in a car with Rachel Feinstein and the wheel is turning. It was crazy. Damn. Somebody has a joke that said they made a whole company just so you don't have to be with an Indian. That's not my joke, but somebody had that. Metzger always says, it's great. You can jerk off back there. No one cares.

[A]

I used to have a bit about how. True story. A girl, we're in the back of her company car and we're both hammered. She was a lawyer, and we're fooling around, and she pulls my pants down, just takes my dick out in the car. And I let her do it because I was shit for it.

[B]

I was like, all right.

[A]

And then there's a guy driving. He goes, you know, there's a person driving this car. And in my head, I'm like, perfect dad for driverless cars. But, you know, that's. I mean, that's kind of. I wonder, are there cameras in there?

[B]

There's gotta be girls. You could just, like, rip up the place. Yeah, it's gotta be. But, yeah, I'm sure guys are getting blown back there constantly.

[A]

Yeah. On camera.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Yeah. You take the risk.

[A]

They ever gotten blown in, like, a taxi cab?

[B]

I have. I got kicked out of one. I got blown in one of the cab vans years ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the guy was.

[A]

What was his name?

[B]

Ironically? It was Waymo. Jeff Waymo. No, but I was getting blown. And this guy goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's freaking out. He pulls the car over. We were at Union Square, right in front of the. The Whole Foods. He's like, get out. Nothing by cab. You. You hook her. And she was like, I'm not a hooker. It was a whole. Yeah.

[A]

Damn. That must have killed the mood.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It was bad. And I'm like, you know, you're shoving the boner back in. In public. It was brutal.

[A]

I had it once. Yeah, it's great.

[B]

It's great. I mean, that's what caps are for.

[A]

They are.

[B]

We've all seen Taxi Driver the whole. The beginning of the movies. Wiping jizz off the seat.

[A]

Yeah, fuck that movie. So good that the. I mean, that is. Look, in a world with no ratings. It is the Wild West. We should be able to get blown.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Yeah, good point.

[A]

Love a little.

[B]

Yeah. Now, is that a talking on speakerphone?

[A]

I don't love that.

[B]

That's a good point.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Wait, is this a second black? This is a. I had the robots make this one. This is.

[A]

Did you really have the machine make it?

[B]

So this is called a Cherry wood Boulevardier with a little rinse of Nick Offerman's I Got Sets Tonight.

[A]

And another rinse of Mark Norman's Jizz from Taxicab. Oh, my God, that smells so good. That is smokey, dude.

[B]

Yeah, that's smokey.

[A]

Nick Offman, we got to get him back on. He canceled on us, Petey, but we'll get him back. Great guy. It's, you know, it's a little smoky.

[B]

Possibly, but I don't mind.

[A]

It's still good. It's just I've never had. I've never had a. It almost feels like a waste to use lagavon in a cocktail, Right?

[B]

Probably was a little bit. You guys get free, right?

[A]

No, we don't. It was a very expensive bottle. Matt, you're reckless.

[B]

I like the. The ice, though.

[A]

I like it, too. A robot made this?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Waymo. Wait, what do you mean chat robot.

[A]

Can'T have a conversation with you. And I like a bartender that will chat you up. And I like an old stuff school. Also, part. Part of going to a bar is like, you want a hot bartender.

[B]

True, true. You can't make a robot that.

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

Also, I had a thought the other day. My wife was talking. She's like, I need to. I want to lose weight. I'm always worried about my weight. And then her phone now is sending her like, workout equipment. Spin, spin classes, soul cycle. And I'm like, see, the phone is smart to listen, but it doesn't know that it's insensitive. That's where we come in. She goes, hey, I feel like I'm gaining weight. I go, dad, you look great. The phone can't do that. It can't bullshit. So we still have the bullshit factor.

[A]

You've started feeding the phone info. That's what I'm feeling.

[B]

That was the joke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, you got to help me out, folks. She's huge.

[A]

Yeah. I got to get a fucking. She should blow me more. The phone's like, I'm on it.

[B]

Yeah. I've been working on a bit and that's. That's the ending.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Holy Shit. But we're fucking finished. We've written too many hours.

[B]

But the point is, the phone isn't smart enough to be full of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's the other thing about AI.

[A]

Good angle. It is a good bit.

[B]

AI can't lie to himself. We look in the mirror, we go, hey, I look pretty good. I'm all right. I'm doing great. AI is like.

[A]

You're a 6.7.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In. In our heads, we're a 9 or whatever.

[A]

After a few drinks, it's like that Homer Simpson thing where you're like. You have. He's doing, like, the. The flexion in the mirror, and he's shredded.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. Your brain really does lie to you. I think people think they have a inflated sense of themselves. Everybody thinks they're smart. Everybody thinks they're a good person.

[A]

Everyone thinks they can fight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone thinks they're a better fighter than they are.

[B]

But I think that helps humans in a way, because we wouldn't. The Wright Brothers. Like, I could fly. I could make it work. We're like, dude, you're gonna die out there. It's crazy. There's gravity. He's like, I got it. And now we have flight.

[A]

If only Amelia Earhart had. AI would have said, you're a woman. What are you thinking?

[B]

I know. We lost a good lesbian that day. She had to be a lesbian.

[A]

Yeah. Look it up. Let's ask.

[B]

I'm putting everything I got on it. But how do they know? Let's see how good Chad GBT really is.

[A]

While there's no definitive proof, some speculate that Amelia Earhart may have been a lesbian or bisexual, possibly due to her unconventional marriage and close relationship with Eleanor Roosevelt. However, her sexuality remains a topic of debate with some suggestion she wanted. She was more focused on adventure and accompaniment than romantic relationship accomplishments. Sorry. Than romantic relationships.

[B]

Okay, yeah, I think I got something.

[A]

She was married to George Putnam in 1931 with a prenup agreement that allowed for an open marriage. That's not normal for back then.

[B]

Very rare back.

[A]

Emphasized her independence.

[B]

Thank you. Close relationship with Eleanor. She.

[A]

Chat box. You heard it here first, folks. Come on. Close relationship to Eleanor Roosevelt. Earhart and Roosevelt were known to have a close friendship, with some suggesting she chowed each other's box. Okay, could be said. I mean, look, she never came out of the crash, all right? Anyway, I stink.

[B]

Apparently, Lincoln was gay. Have you heard this?

[A]

I've heard this. Soda's got a great bit about it.

[B]

He does. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I've heard that.

[B]

Rumor he was at the theater.

[A]

He wasn't the theater. I had a bit special. I did. Yeah. He. Yeah. Damn, dude.

[B]

I mean, you think. Now, here's a question. We've had, what, 47 presidents? Statistically, one had to be gay and. Or three had to be gay. Four. What is it, one in 10 and 10? You get that great bit. One in 10. I think it's one in one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was that it?

[A]

That was old school. That was like, early Sam. They say, One man in 10 minutes. Gay said, no, I think it's one man and one man.

[B]

That's a good joke.

[A]

Got a nice laugh back in the.

[B]

That's a good joke.

[A]

It was a nice clean joke.

[B]

Well, clearly Hoover. Who was the guy who was wearing the women's clothes?

[A]

That was J. Edgar Hoover, though He wasn't president. He was FBI.

[B]

Oh, that's right. That's right. JFK was good. No way. He was a poon hound. Barack Obama, I've heard. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I've also heard Obama's a poonhound. Like, who the hell knows, really? I mean, I think he's into that celeb world. I mean, there was a rumor he was dating Jennifer Aniston for a while.

[B]

Oh, that's true. That's true.

[A]

Abe Lincoln.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Bill and Hillary. Bill wishes he was gay.

[B]

Yeah. He's the straightest president of all time.

[A]

Yeah. If Bill was gay, he'd. Fucking. That might save his. I mean, you know, he's on that list.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Dare I say the first black president? Has that been done? Okay, every comic had that. He's got the weed. He's fornicating, he's playing the saxophone. That's first black president. It.

[A]

Have we already had an LGBT president?

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Let's see about James Buchanan.

[B]

What did he do?

[A]

A lifelong bachelor.

[B]

Bachelor, yeah.

[A]

But he might have been getting poned. Dude, didn't he have a weird. What was. Yeah, go. Let's go into him for a sec. Zoom in. Go down. Yeah. Not a. Not a looker.

[B]

Not a handsome man.

[A]

Of all 46 presidents, all 46 have supposedly been heterosexual. However, only three have presided over the United States that accepted home. Openly accepted homosexuality. Meaning most presidents would not have been free to come out of the closet had they ever been in it to begin with. There's significant evidence that James Buchanan, known as a lifelong bachelor, was possibly gay. He lived for more than a decade with his close personal friend and future vice. Man, this is like going to Lake Placid with your friend Chase. This is some gay shit.

[B]

Now, wait a minute. This is a stupid question. There's a lot of female presidents and prime ministers. I think Italy has a female. A couple other places. Australia. Has there been a gay leader? Openly gay leader?

[A]

Yeah, there has.

[B]

Has there. What country?

[A]

I don't know. Look it up. There must be.

[B]

I know we probably had some gay mayors, we got some lesbians.

[A]

We talked Koch already. It's definitely a gay.

[B]

But who has there been a lesbian gay government?

[A]

Leaders of country.

[B]

Let's see countries. I'm not talking speculation. I want open.

[A]

Open butthole.

[B]

Yeah. Johannes A. Gurga darter who served as prime Minister from.

[A]

Of Iceland 2009. All right. Something it officially out.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Other examples include, okay, Luxembourg, Ireland.

[B]

Wow. Ireland.

[A]

That's Prime Minister of Serbia.

[B]

Wow. That's really.

[A]

You don't expect that shit.

[B]

Jeez.

[A]

Latvia.

[B]

France.

[A]

France. You could say.

[B]

Yeah. They're close already. Zamora, Prime Minister of On.

[A]

Is this right? I don't know if this is right. We need like another. I don't know. I don't trust ChatGPT all the time. Yeah. I mean, fuck, you know, it's bad when you're like, go to Wikipedia. They're more trustworthy.

[B]

That's true. All right, well, shit. More than I thought. That's good. We got a trans. Or we had a trans. What was a Levine. What was she in charge of some kind of some war thing? Attorney General, Remember? Remember Levine? She was ugly. Remember her? Admiral. Admiral Levine? What was she, the head of Rachel Levine? Rachel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Public health commissioner. Okay.

[A]

She looks like Bernie Sanders. Holy.

[B]

Yeah, it looks like Rick Chrome. That's a deep cut. Give that a good.

[A]

That was literally for us. And one comic in his class who's listening to this.

[B]

Yeah, There you go. All right. Just curious. Look, some openly gays out there.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, obviously Harvey Milk, that's the famous one. But that wasn't.

[B]

That didn't end well. No.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

Was he shot?

[A]

Yeah, in his office, I think. Fucked up.

[B]

Oof.

[A]

Fucking sf, man.

[B]

I know. Very gay city.

[A]

Very gay city. But that, you know, that's. That's where you maybe make the start.

[B]

But then, dare I say, a lesbian better than a straight woman for what? For office.

[A]

Why do you think?

[B]

A little more brass tacks. Little tough. Yeah. They're not worried about the, the. The. The male gaze. They're just like, I'm doing my. I'm not worried about men. I'm worried about the. The business. I feel like a lot of females can be like, oh, is this guy think I'm cute? Does he like me?

[A]

I hear. I hear what you're saying. A little lesbian action. Yeah, it could work. Why not?

[B]

I think it's better.

[A]

A little lesbos.

[B]

Same with comedians.

[A]

Lesbian comedians are good. Yeah, Lesbian WNBA players.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

When you see a straight one, you're like, really?

[B]

That's true, that's true.

[A]

I mean, they're fucking. There's a couple straight ones, but you're like, it's. It's a surprise.

[B]

Yeah, Caitlin Clark. But she's maybe the best.

[A]

She's good.

[B]

She's good.

[A]

She's fucking good.

[B]

She's a hetero now.

[A]

There's some good head rose in there for sure.

[B]

What's up with that dildo?

[A]

It's happened a couple of times. By the way, who's bringing dildos to be the most embarrassing thing to get stopped through security with?

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You're going through that fucking thing. And they're like, what the hell? And you're like, sorry, I was going.

[B]

To throw it at a player. Yeah, damn. Neon green as well. Like they really wanted that to be seen.

[A]

Who? Yeah, who did it? Do they find out who did it?

[B]

How do they not catch that guy?

[A]

Game DELAYED BY SEX TOY NIGHTS Climax put on pause.

[B]

Ah, that's fun. That's a good.

[A]

Like we deserve to get paid more. And then they're like, someone threw a dildo on the court. This is fucked up.

[B]

They're like, you can have that if you want that. Does that help? Keep it. There it is.

[A]

Christ.

[B]

I like how the cop has to come out like it's contraband.

[A]

It's a tight game too. That's some fucked up thing. We got a tie game with 51 seconds left. We should be talking about the score, but instead they're like, it's a fucking dick on the court.

[B]

Tie game. You know the score of 11 to 11, fourth quarter. Holy hell. Well, you see, this is. I know these women are upset, but this is good for business. This is all pressure now. I'm gonna go to a game just to hope there's a dick thrown on the court.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everything helps.

[A]

Have you. You live right by there. Have you been yet or.

[B]

No, I haven't, but. But I'll tell you, when that. That game is over. It's just. It's Lilith Fair on my block. It's just Boy Diker Heights.

[A]

Holy. Talk about an audience that would not recognize us. They put me on the screen at one of those games once. You could have hear. You could have heard a pin drop. Then they put Some lesbian artists on right after me, and they were like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Every girl walking by my house looks like Sam J. I was so embarrassed.

[A]

They put me on this. I was like, why are they putting me on there? I got nothing.

[B]

That's fun. By the way, they throw fucking bananas on the field.

[A]

Oh, true story. Julian Edelman, he told me this story once. His favorite game as a player was the Bills through dildos at him.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

They do it to men, too.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's a different implication with men, definitely. Because, hey, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're going to Mahoma, right? I mean, that's what they're doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Buffalo. Buffalo fans are fucking funny.

[B]

Oh, wild. I went to one game in the winter. I'll never do it again.

[A]

Throwing dildos at dudes doesn't seem as bad.

[B]

No, no. There's no gender.

[A]

Also, you got a helmet on.

[B]

True, true. That's a good.

[A]

Also, they're getting paid way more money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It does suck to get, like, 72 grand a year and someone throws a dildo at you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

There's no other job. You're not gonna be, like, an executive assistant. Someone's like, hey, heads up.

[B]

Dildo, you know? But it is funny to throw it at a guy, at a woman. It feels like a hate thing.

[A]

That's what I mean, guy.

[B]

It's a goof.

[A]

But I think also part of that, like, you need to get the heckling to a higher. Because right now, the heckling at women's games are a little more positive. They're not quite as mean because you feel like you can justify being a bigger dick when you're like, well, he's making 40 million. I could be like, fuck you.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But with these games, I think it's like. It's still very supportive, but once it gets to that level, it's a good sign for the sport.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're really trashing them, you're like, fuck you. You're like, no, I'm a fan.

[B]

That's true. I think he got something there.

[A]

I think it's true.

[B]

Yeah. The more hate, the bigger you are. What did a. What's that? Reggie Jackson. He said, you're nobody till somebody hates you.

[A]

Man. He was a badass.

[B]

He was. Reggie, dude, was he a naked gun?

[A]

Yeah, he was the guy who almost shot the queen. Amazing, dude. Amazing book. If you're. The Bronx is burning.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's about, like, everything in New York in the 70s. Like, son of Sam, David Berkowitz, the killer. The Yankees, the mayor It's a fucking great book.

[B]

They should make that a movie.

[A]

They made it a show here. I didn't see the show, but Oliver Platt is Steinbrenner. That's pretty. He's fucking. We tried to get him on this pod and he wouldn't come on because he doesn't drink. But we're like, dude, we'll fucking this, not drink with you. Right? Wasn't that what happened with him? I love Oliver Platt.

[B]

The title of the show is killing us. We lost Hank Azaria because of it.

[A]

Well, they're like best buds. Oh, I'm sure they're telling each other like that.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe we can get them on together.

[A]

Let's have coffee with him. We'll have tea. We'll drink whatever you want. For sake.

[B]

We'll have coconut water.

[A]

I would love Turo, man.

[B]

Oh, I love Turo.

[A]

Turturro is a beast.

[B]

Miller's Crossing. Bad. Lebowski.

[A]

Quiz Show.

[B]

Quiz show.

[A]

Quiz Show's epic.

[B]

So good.

[A]

That's so underrated, that movie.

[B]

Cohen. No, no.

[A]

Robert Redford.

[B]

Dude Redford. He had a run bringing heat and.

[A]

I mean, he said miller's Crossing, but mean, obviously. Lebowski.

[B]

Barton Fink.

[A]

That's a great one. Oh, brother. Where art thou?

[B]

Oh, yeah, Mr. Deeds. I forgot he can do comedy. Dude.

[A]

He's fucking. He's great at Mr. Deeds. He's hilarious in that movie.

[B]

Oh, he's doing the right thing. He's the waiter, the bus boy, or Rounders. Yeah, Turo. That guy can act.

[A]

He's a fucking legend, Dude. New York Ledge. Yeah, we got to get him on here.

[B]

Trying to think more about Australia. We had a. We had a wild time.

[A]

Yeah, give us some more.

[B]

I couldn't get drunk there because it's a beer. It's really a beer country.

[A]

We're not big beer guys.

[B]

No, I'll have a beer, but, like.

[A]

I don't like getting drunk on beer.

[B]

I don't either.

[A]

Pissing bothers me. I'm already a coffee guy. I can't do beer and coffee and pee eight times a night, you know?

[B]

Yes, yes. And it's just so much. Just fluff.

[A]

Did you do a show?

[B]

No, but they. The last show, he had a great run of shows. I was killing in Perth, and then some guy goes, shoey, shut up.

[A]

And then they wouldn't let it go.

[B]

It just started like a wildfire. The whole place is yelling, shoey. And I just had to walk off.

[A]

So a shoey, for those that don't know, is I'm Reading it here. A tradition where a person drinks an alcoholic beverage, usually beer from a shoe.

[B]

Yeah. Which I did last year.

[A]

I'm not doing it.

[B]

I did it. Well, when they yelled at you, they were. They were yelling jewy. But.

[A]

And I said a little bit, no, but I'm not doing. I've done enough unsanitary shit in my life. Well, by the way, when people play beer pong now, did you know that they. They do water in all the cups and you just drink a beer?

[B]

Like, sip your own beer.

[A]

Yeah, because we were so growing up, we were so insanitary when we played beer pong. You shoot it in to the beer, you drink the beer, and then you throw the ball on the floor, you hit it in a beer. So it's fucking. If you think about it, it's pretty gross. But we didn't think about it.

[B]

We just did it.

[A]

But I was at a beer pong bar. I was fucking wasted one night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We start playing. I'm like, what's up with all the water? Like, this is how we play now. So you just. Every time you hit a shot, you just. You have a beer in the side, you drink.

[B]

That makes sense.

[A]

It makes way more sense. We were living. We were doing disgusting.

[B]

But that's why we were stronger. We didn't have autism. Like all you queefs now you're neurodivergent. But yeah, no, that makes sense. That's actually a great point. Yeah. I never thought about the ball dropping on the ground and it's in everybody's hands.

[A]

It's disgusting. But I mean, it is weird, right? Are you bummed that it's. It's changed or did you play beer pong a lot?

[B]

I'm pretty sure that's how I got mono in college.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Everyone's sharing the cups and stuff. I wish I got it the cool way, but I got from kissing, Right?

[A]

That's how you're supposed to get it.

[B]

Kissing disease, my friend got. What's that? Laryngitis from a shoey? Because you got to think your foot, your dirty, gross, sweaty, nasty ass hoof is in a Nike all day. And then you fucking hit that shit. It all goes down your throat.

[A]

I'm not a fan.

[B]

No. And then what are we doing here? I'm a comedian. I'm trying to tell jokes. Stop trying to fuck with me.

[A]

There's always something. I feel like America. It's a little bit like you go to Boston, they want Boston, Chicago, they want you to do a shot of my Lord, yes, I can handle Malort.

[B]

I can do Mallord.

[A]

Tastes like. But I don't mind something tasting like, sure.

[B]

The shoe is almost like this weird humiliation ritual where I'm like, I don't want to do it. You do it.

[A]

Yeah. Also, I'm doing a show.

[B]

I'm doing a show.

[A]

It's how low what we do is on the entertainment poll.

[B]

That's our dildo. On the court is the shoei. And I get it if I'm from there, but it just became like, do a shoei. Shoey, mate. What? A shoey shoe. And it just was coming from everywhere. And I was like, all right, I'll see you guys later. And I got a million dms. Like, sorry about the shoey guy. Those guys are idiots. Blah, blah, blah.

[A]

What city was that in?

[B]

That was in Perth right at the end, last show of the tour.

[A]

My drunkest crowd was definitely Brisbane.

[B]

Oh, yeah, they're. They're.

[A]

They're drunk. They're drunkards for sure. But, yeah, I mean, you had a fucking amazing time, though.

[B]

I had a great time. And I'm ready to be back. I'm happy to be back.

[A]

I could tell at the end you were spiraling.

[B]

Yeah, well. Well, I think my manager was like, we're gonna get you out there in Australia. We're gonna give you some real time to chill. Which I'm like, you. I'm like, these are too many days off. I'm like, how many days off do I have in Sydney? Three. Ah, geez.

[A]

Can you really?

[B]

Yeah. Three in Sydney, two in Melbourne, two in Auckland. So it was a little too much time off.

[A]

Yeah. It's hard to plan that, right, where you're either feeling, like, bored senseless at a certain point or you're rushed. It's really. It's really hard to plan a trip to Australia.

[B]

That's true. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think one day off is plenty. But I also got a shadow band or whatever.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm in Instagram jail right now.

[A]

What? What happened?

[B]

So I put up an Australia video, and it was one of those videos where you're like, oh, this is cooking. It's at 5,500k. In, like, 10 seconds, we're gonna go to a million.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

It was just me around and making fun of their land acknowledgment. And apparently that over there is, like, sacred, so no one makes fun of it. So I made fun of it and it was like, ah, they were going nuts because they're not allowed to. So when someone else does it, they're going ape. And it killed it. And so all the Australians are sharing it when I posted it. And then, you know, a bunch of people downvoted it a million times, like, what do you call it? Reported it, and so it got taken down.

[A]

Damn. Well, don't do that in Saudi Arabia. Don't push the envelope there.

[B]

I mean, tickets are moving. Have you looked?

[A]

Yeah, it's going all right.

[B]

It's going really well. I think they're, like, starved for a chuckle out there.

[A]

There you are.

[B]

What night am I, the second. All right, cool.

[A]

What AM I, the 8th?

[B]

All right, well. Well, maybe we'll.

[A]

I wish we overlap, man. I would have been fucking epic.

[B]

I'm going to Greece and you're going to Barcelona. Barcelona. It'll be good, what lives we have, man. Yeah.

[A]

No, it's crazy.

[B]

I'm that paycheck. Look at how many comics. Jesus Christ. Zarnagar, Gabriel Fluffy, Bobby Lee, Bill Burr. Boy, I hope to hang out with some of these people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Joe Coy, Jimmy Carr, Jim Jeffries.

[A]

Good old Bobby Lee.

[B]

Yeah, I bet.

[A]

I'm overlapping with nobody. I'm at the very end.

[B]

Whitney, Santino Schultz, Kevin Hart. My God, this is quite a. Who's. They must have some cash. Oh, they do.

[A]

That's what they got.

[B]

If they're paying us that much, imagine what they're paying Kevin Hart. Crazy.

[A]

He ain't flying commercial.

[B]

No. Yeah. My agent told me. They were like. We had a certain so. And I'll tell you later. Certain so and so. He flew to Australia private. Flew the whole thing private and flew home private. I was like, wow, Damn, that must have been couple mil.

[A]

Damn. Not too shab.

[B]

Not too shabby.

[A]

Almost scared me to fly to Australia private, though.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Fucking small plane. Are we good?

[B]

Super bumpy.

[A]

Good problem to have, I suppose.

[B]

Yeah. I don't mind first class. It's just the airport that sucks. It's just that I like. I don't mind first class.

[A]

No. My fear is when you connect internationally and you have to get the bag. Yeah. You checked. And you're like, am I gonna get. You know, so I'm more scared of the fucking. We going through customs. That's more the thing, right?

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. No, I mean, shit.

[B]

Do you have the global entry do, but.

[A]

Only works when you come home.

[B]

Ah.

[A]

You got to get all that. Dude. That shit expires. Get on that list asap. Get on it. Like, when it's a year before it expires, it takes for Fucking ever.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you gotta have all that shit. If you travel like you do, you gotta have you. You don't be waiting on all these long lines. The line crazy when you travel like that.

[B]

Well, I did the. I looked in the Global entry. You need like a passport, a birth certificate. I don't have any of that stuff.

[A]

You have to give him a penis stamp.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Getting pretty intense. No, they really are. They're asking for more and more. Yeah. No, I did it just because you got it. It just one less line. Who gives a fuck?

[B]

Yeah. Cuz when you land, you're like, oh, I'm home. Oh, shit, we gotta walk. Three hour line.

[A]

It's insane.

[B]

It's insane. And then I watch people with Global entry just breeze and by and there's no one in line. I'm like, ah. I would pay like 300 just to get through that line.

[A]

But it ain't fun.

[B]

Yeah. But I don't know how to get it. I don't have all the paperwork. Didn't keep any of this shit.

[A]

These records, you could figure this out.

[B]

All right, I'll give it a look.

[A]

You'll find it out.

[B]

Pptp, TTP account. What the fuck is this?

[A]

I don't fucking know.

[B]

God.

[A]

Trusted Traveler program.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who gives a fuck?

[B]

I just got pre check like a month ago, so.

[A]

No fucking way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You didn't have clear precheck.

[B]

I had clear because I could just sign up at the airport, but I got pre check. I had to go to Staples.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And get it. And that. That's been a game changer, by the way.

[A]

Staples kind of fun. You pop in with staples. I'm like, hey, got it. Like all these notepads and pens, I kind of like it. It's kind of a good time.

[B]

Nerd alert.

[A]

Well, I haven't been there in a while, but like, I like handwriting shit out.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I like the legal pads are nice. Yeah, It's a nice hole.

[B]

Such a good pen is a game changer.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

You know what's overrated? Those pens that are like fountain. I don't like a fountain pen. Oh, too much.

[A]

Awful.

[B]

Too much ink.

[A]

It's like, what am I giving my life to this fucking pen?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To commit. You always have to like carry the ink. They always fuck up. You have to get the right angle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fucking hate a fountain. Fuck a fountain.

[B]

Fuck a fat. If you leave it on the page, it gets like a bubble of ink. It's.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Blots out.

[A]

It's God Forbid you wear khakis. It's in your fucking pocket. Like now it looks like I fucking.

[B]

Came black ballpoint all day.

[A]

Yeah, I just like. I love it. You know what I love is one of those like precise pens. The black ones. Precise p. Yeah, that's right there. That right there. That one.

[B]

Oh, really? That one. Even. That one's too much ink for me.

[A]

I like that one. I like the uni balls. I like it.

[B]

Nice uniball as well.

[A]

Yeah. Unless you're Lance Armstrong, but.

[B]

Or Hitler.

[A]

I like, I like one of those. I like a nice moving pen ball.

[B]

That was quick, I'll tell you. Beautiful.

[A]

I like. I like writing by hand. There's something about it. All the legends do it. Rock Louie. They always have their legal pads. And I like, I get why they do it. It is nice to write out.

[B]

It is, it's, it's. You remember it more too. Like sometimes if I can't remember a bit, I'll just write it down on a scratch pad in the hotel and I'll remember it.

[A]

Yeah, when you write out an actual. I always hand write a set list.

[B]

Same always. I was at a years ago when I first went to Louie's apartment. I remember he had this big desk and had all these Emmys behind it and. And I like, I think it had an Oscar. And I was like, oh, I was just staring at his desk just thinking like chewed up all these jokes and shows were written on there. And he walked by and he's like, everything I wrote on that desk.

[A]

And I was like, wow, that's pretty cool, man.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

He had an amazing apartment. He had a wine cellar in the West Village. A wine cellar. He had a backyard with a dog running around. He had a couple floor. It blew my mind.

[A]

Damn. Well, you got a great apartment, man.

[B]

I gotta get. He's staying at my house.

[A]

It's a nice spot to stay, right?

[B]

I don't even notice him.

[A]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's a flex in New York City. And you got that little backyard area.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

You set up that cold plunge yet?

[B]

No, I did the hot tub. You got to come over. I can't do it.

[A]

I got it. I, I, I. It's been a few days for me, but it's kind of nice to have out there.

[B]

It is nine, it's summer. It would be great to get a dip.

[A]

Oh, I get a dip. You freeze. You feel great.

[B]

And the, the health benefits are really good, I hear.

[A]

I think you feel good.

[B]

You want to, you want to Help me with the cold plunge.

[A]

It's not that hard to set up, dude.

[B]

We can look into it. All we got to do is just get those instructions and.

[A]

Really, folks, fun to have a project sometimes.

[B]

That's true. That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna do it. We're doing. Are you here this weekend? No. When do you leave? Thursday. We'll figure it out.

[A]

We got to do some more bodega cat stuff. We got to take it to the next level. It's doing well at Comedy Store, right?

[B]

Do really well at the Comedy Store.

[A]

Yeah. Whiskey sour. Yeah, I'm going to LA in a couple weeks. I'll probably. I'll hit you up. Yeah, also, I might do. I might do a show at the Comedy, so I'll figure something out.

[B]

Do it. Yeah. They've been really good to us, so. That was. That was awesome. Mark performed there. That was. That was great. Did a show in the main room. They did a bodega cat special. We sold a thousand of those cocktails. It was great.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

So, yeah. Thank you, Comedy Store. The improv is giving. Get. Getting weirder. I did the set there too, and they were like, we want bodega, but.

[A]

They won't do it right. Hey, improv. What the hell? We want to be at the improv too. We're trying Melrose Improv. What the. What the hell? Yeah, we want to have bodega cat there. We'll come by, we'll say what's up?

[B]

Where else needs some love?

[A]

How about Laugh Factory? How we doing?

[B]

Work in progress still, I think, you know. Yeah, we've talked about it. What about Gotham? Have you tried Gotham? Yeah.

[A]

So we're gonna be.

[B]

I gotta check with Vinnie, but, yeah, anything we can do.

[A]

They're ordering Stress Factory.

[B]

Oh, stress Factory. So shoot. Who's Gotham? Sean or.

[A]

We should talk about this off air.

[B]

Yeah, Brian's gonna be really boring.

[A]

Sorry about that, guys. We're trying to make this. This liquor moved to the next level, and we're trying to figure it out. And as you probably guessed, Mark and I are not good businessmen.

[B]

No, we're working on it.

[A]

Yeah. Wow, look at that dumb shot of me. I really think I'm cool, me. Oh, I look like I'm narrated. It was my fourth drinkable cat that night. I knew the dame was near. Problem was I was gonna get drunk.

[B]

Yeah, you're doing. Yeah. You're doing a lot of international.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going hard, buddy. I'm going, like, starting in Saudi Arabia like you. Then Barcelona, Milan. I'm gonna pop into Rome and see what's up there. Maybe there's a show there.

[B]

Listen to you. Pop into Rome.

[A]

Yeah. Do a little popping. Do. Do Dublin, Liverpool.

[B]

Have you done Dublin?

[A]

Yeah, it's great. I love it.

[B]

I'd say one of the best. I did it with you once, remember? Oh, we did that festival.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done it. Yeah, I've done a couple times. I got London, Liverpool, Paris, Amsterdam, and Berlin.

[B]

Jesus, this is a great run.

[A]

So we better backlog some fucking episodes. Yeah, we got a back because we're both never here. Luckily, we're kind of going away at the same time, though.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

That does help.

[B]

Yeah. And. And I'm back with. That's in October, right? Yeah. All right, so we got a good.

[A]

I'm gone most of October. Yeah.

[B]

Bank.

[A]

But we'll go hard, man.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I want to just get this special down so I could move on from it.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, what, like, what's. Where's it at right now?

[B]

It's done. It's. I mean, it's. The hour is ready.

[A]

Is it an hour in the dot or you doing like, 50 or what do you think?

[B]

I think I have about, like, an hour five, but I think I'm gonna give, like, a 55.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

You know, it's great. Hold on to some of it.

[A]

Do you know what the set's gonna look like?

[B]

Like, the order or the set?

[A]

Both.

[B]

Yeah, the order's already down, and I think the set. I'm gonna keep it simple. I'm gonna do lights of green, yellow, and purple.

[A]

Get a good lighting.

[B]

We got a great lighting guy. Great sound guy. Beautiful sound. Great sound. And. Yeah, so I'm pumped. I got a couple ideas for the intro and do a little sketch.

[A]

You just go straight in?

[B]

I'm gonna go straight in, but it's. It's a weird idea.

[A]

I'm pumped to hear about this.

[B]

Yeah. So we'll see what happens there and then. I just want to put this thing down. I want to have that. That. That magic period, that grace period of, like, once the specials down and you're still touring it for a while. No one knows yet before it comes out. Yeah, I love that moment.

[A]

Yeah, it's fucking beautiful. But it doesn't last long. And it.

[B]

No.

[A]

And it. It creeps up on you. I don't know. I'm gonna write another fucking hour after this. I'm kind of like. I'm good with it. I think, like, this hours Kind of working, but, like, I don't know how I'm gonna do it again. I'm like, I'm bone dry.

[B]

We say that every time, but I'm.

[A]

Fucking bone dry for. For real this time. It's too many. It's too many of these.

[B]

You put out a lot, but it's no rush. There's no rush.

[A]

No, I know, I know, but I'll probably. I'll probably burn it next year.

[B]

What the hell?

[A]

What?

[B]

You're like, I'm not gonna put an hour out next year.

[A]

Well, I mean, I'm kind of sick of the jokes, you know already. Well, it's. I put one out last July. It's been over a year.

[B]

Last July already.

[A]

It's been over a year.

[B]

I was like, yeah, a certain point.

[A]

What are we doing a year and a half, Two years max? I kind of like.

[B]

Yeah, I'll probably.

[A]

Take a little more time with the next one. I definitely will take more time with the next one.

[B]

Damn. So it's already close.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. That's incredible.

[A]

I think we'll see.

[B]

That's incredible.

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

I think. Yeah, for the next one. Just take your time. I'm gonna take my time, dude, because there's no rush.

[A]

No rush. Oh, what do you got coming up, Mark?

[B]

All right, I'm at the. Yeah. When's this. Geez, when's this come out? Later in the year. Akron, Ohio, baby. Dayton, Ohio. Halifax. Never been there. I'm excited to go. I think that one.

[A]

Smoked salmon. Is that what they're known for?

[B]

Smoked salmon, cream cheese, and locks? It's a. I hear it's like a cool, hip, kind of crunchy town. I can't wait.

[A]

And some pics. I want to know what it's like.

[B]

Ottawa, Huntsville, Hattiesburg, San Jose, Boulder. We got to sell that one out. We added a show. Riyadh in Saudi Arabia. That one's moving. Greece is moving OT Oslo is tough. Pick up the Oslo Oslo tickets. Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin, Valley Center, Casino, Magoobies, outside Baltimore. Rochester, New York, Niagara Falls, San Diego at the Observatory.

[A]

Have you been to San Diego, Chile twice last year.

[B]

Last year.

[A]

What do we got? This comes out when? Of August. Oh, So I got September 19th. I'm at the Venetian in Las Vegas. Can't wait. It's gonna be really fun. You know, I was gonna get there a day early to go to the Sphere and see the wizard of Oz, but everyone's saying it's not movies. Music there is the best ever, but movies, they haven't Quite figured out, but we'll see, I guess.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I kind of just want to go.

[B]

Yeah, I would go. My friend went and saw Backstreet Boys just as a goof and said it was amazing.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now he's gay, anyway. Rochester, New York, September 25th through 27th at the Comedy at the Carlson. Great club. I got the Chicago theater. October 4th, Winnipe the 5th, Saudi Arabia. Riyadh. October 8th, Barcelona, Spain, on the 10th, then Milan, Italy. Dublin, the 16th, the 17th, Liverpool. Then London. The 19th, the 21st in Paris. Then the 22nd in Amsterdam. The 25th in Berlin. Then November 14th through 16th. I'm going back to Wise Guys in Salt Lake City. I've already been there this year, but I love the club so much, I figured, what the Salt Lake crowds. You're the best. November 29th, Reno, Nevada, at the Atlantis Casino. And December 4th, Carnegie Motherfucking Hall. I'll see you there. Punchup Live. MarkNorman. Punchup Live. Sam Morrell, Bodega Cat Whiskey, Hit up Matt, hit us all up. Bodegacat Whiskey on Instagram. DM him or what's the.

[B]

I got it wrong the first time. Infoodeacatwhisky.com There it is.

[A]

So we'll fix that and post there.

[B]

That's the guy. The guy behind the bottle.

[A]

Perfect. And we love you guys. We'll see you very soon.

[B]

Hell, yeah. Keep drinking, queefs. Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of piva wreck. You know, the fear juice. Close. I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way I found the the roof Like a cop's coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way we might be true.