Ep 250: Rainn Wilson - Code 3

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Ep 250: Rainn Wilson – Code 3

Air date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Guest: Rainn Wilson (actor, author, “The Office”, “Code 3”)

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Overview

This milestone 250th episode features Rainn Wilson, best known for playing Dwight Schrute on The Office, discussing his latest movie Code 3, reflections on enduring fame, hot takes on classic films, comedy’s challenges in the streaming era, mental health, and the weird world of modern life. The trio mix deep insights with trademark irreverence, riffing on culture, nostalgia, and what keeps them sane.

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Episode Breakdown

Setting Up with Rainn (00:06–03:38)

• The hosts welcome Rainn Wilson, mentioning run-ins at events like the US Open.
• Banter about celebrity status—Rainn jokes about getting into the Rolex box with Trump and the complications of being “B-list.”
  • “You guys are very scruffy. Is that kind of your look?” – Rainn (00:23)
  • On the US Open crowd: “30,000 people booing. That's all I heard.” – Rainn (01:12)

Celebrity Privileges & Perks (03:39–06:32)

• Rainn shares about once getting VIP treatment everywhere and now “whoring” himself with media appearances to score event tickets.
• He name-drops Martha Stewart, Mindy Kaling, Ben Stiller, and Hugh Jackman in the President’s Box.
• On his enduring fame:
  • “The Office is crazy. It's the gift that keeps on giving…there's still so many 12 and 13-year-olds or college kids…they're like, ‘Oh my God, my favorite character.’” – Rainn (06:11)
  • The group jokes about iconic characters like Dwight Schrute and racist meltdowns (“I haven't had a racist meltdown yet. The day is young.” – Rainn, 06:40)

Pitching Code 3 (07:10–07:59)

• Rainn plugs his new movie Code 3, out September 12th, starring Lil Rel Howery.
  • “Action comedy, but it's got some dramatic elements...about EMS workers and ambulance drivers, paramedics, kind of on a night from hell.” – Rainn (07:10)
  • Discusses theatrical and streaming release plans.

Movie & Nostalgia Hot Takes (08:01–09:50)

• The trio riff on compulsive rewatchability (e.g., Pulp Fiction, Godfather) and debate the merits of Shawshank Redemption and Goonies.
  • “Shawshank Redemption sucks.” – Rainn (09:47)
  • Goonies: “All it is is 12 year olds screaming at each other.” – Rainn (10:33)

Fame, Attraction & Fan Encounters (11:08–13:44)

• Mark reveals his wife finds Dwight hot—Rainn muses on “weird appeal” and sloth comparisons.
• Rainn and his wife recently celebrated 30 years together.
  • “We've been married longer than you guys have been alive.” – Rainn (13:10)
• Mark reflects on having kids late vs. early in life: “Now their kids are out the house and I'm deep in baby shit and screaming…” (13:45)

Comedy World: Political Tensions & “Podcast Bros” (14:16–15:36)

• Discussion of being lumped in with “podcast bros” and pressure on comedians to comment politically.
  • “Every comic thinks they're a geopolitical expert now.” – Sam (14:52)
  • On offensive terms: “You can't say midgets. See, sorry just showed your card…” – Rainn (15:11)

Dark News in Standup & Entertainment (16:12–19:12)

• The hosts cover a dark comedy news story (child pornography charges) and lament how comics get unfairly associated by the public.
• Sidebar on MTV, culture shifts, and entertainer run-ins (e.g., Entourage episode with real porn stars—“Speaking of porn…” – Rainn, 19:17).

Porn, Technology, and Self-Control (20:08–24:29)

• Rainn gets candid on quitting porn for mental health, explores generational differences:
  • “With the advent of Internet porn I was like, this is not good for my mental health.” – Rainn (20:31)
  • Memories of “squiggle porn,” communal porn stashes, and the VHS era.

Movie Takes & Scriptwriting Frustrations (26:34–36:49)

• Riffs on movies (Scarface, Body Double, Seven Samurai, Kurosawa’s influence).
• Rainn reveals a comedy script he wrote for Will Ferrell that never got made—Banzai Shadowhands (35:12).
  • “We did the budget at like $6 million...they're like, we're gonna need, like, Mark Wahlberg to get this financed…” – Rainn (35:46)
• Frustrations with Hollywood gatekeeping and funding cycles: “Hollywood will use any excuse to shut offices down.” – Rainn (36:50)

Calamity & Recovery: Rainn’s House Fire (36:53–39:40)

• Rainn recounts a devastating wildfire that burned half his house, and the slow insurance recovery.
  • “Half my house burned down. We moved back into the guest room...” – Rainn (37:13)
  • “There’s a lot…you can do…but especially mitigating like trees and foliage around the house is the number one thing.” – Rainn (38:12)

TV Royalties, Streaming & The Office’s Lasting Power (43:15–45:38)

• The Office’s syndication boom, streaming royalties, and its unprecedented COVID-era resurgence.
  • “Viewers spent 57 billion minutes watching The Office on Netflix in 2020.” – Rainn (44:22)
  • “The problem is people keep watching The Office…so they're not ordering new comedies.” – Rainn (45:01)
  • Mark: “Rainn Wilson says stop watching The Office.” (45:24)

Origins & Survival of The Office (46:14–48:14)

• Rarity of the show’s success recounted: almost got canceled several times, tiny renewal orders in early seasons.
  • “We were almost…by the skin of our teeth.” – Rainn (46:39)
• The show’s eventual embrace by high-value demos (college kids, rich people).

Comedy’s Changing Landscape & Writers’ Plight (49:11–50:40)

• Paucity of new comedies, comparison with the overabundance of “comfort” sitcom rewatches.
• Stand-up versus writing as a more viable "middle class" comedy career today.

Road Gigs, Corporates, and PA/Appearance Work (50:41–52:26)

• Discuss corporate gigs (brutal but lucrative), and Rainn’s random branding gigs (“I got to go open the Delta Airlines first class Lounge in Seattle…” – Rainn, 51:45).
• His “Soul Boom” podcast focuses on mental health, meaning, and less “drunkenness” than their current show.

Deep Dive: Mental Health, Meaning, and Phones (52:38–57:53)

• Rainn discusses battling anxiety and depression in the 90s, finding solace in therapy, spirituality, 12-step programs:
  • “I was dirt broke…living in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn.” (53:36)
  • “Service to others…that's it. When you serve others, you become happier and you're making the world a better place.” (55:27)
• Smartphones & AI’s impact on kids and society, digital overload:
  • “We’re just gonna plunk one of these [smartphones] into everyone’s pockets, circa 2015 or whatever.” (57:43)
  • On boredom: “Boredom's good for creativity...You need to be bored.” (57:56)

Tennis, Class, and American Culture (60:58–64:25)

• Rainn's passion for tennis, accessibility versus elitism, and need for more edge/personality in the sport.
  • “It sucks because tennis doesn't have to be that…public courts…greatest tennis players come not out of the clubs.” (61:32)
• The odd ritual of the loser giving a speech at tennis finals:
  • “There's no other sport where the loser has to talk first…” – Rainn (62:25)
• The gang riffs on bringing “trash talk” or “Happy Gilmore” energy to tennis.

Peeves & Hot Takes (64:55–74:15)

• Rainn’s “pet peeve” segment turns philosophical and controversial:
  • On mourning pets: “If you get a pet, it's going to die…can you be appropriately sad for the loss of a pet, knowing your pet is going to be around for 8 to 14 years?” – Rainn (65:16)
  • On “welcome in”: “Everywhere you go, they say ‘welcome in’...I don't...don't welcome me in here.” – Rainn (69:06)
  • On speakerphone culture: “The number of conversations happening on speakerphone…phones also work like this, right?” (71:03)
  • Mark tells a story of noticing hospitality workers with “robotic” customer service—“enjoy...enjoy...enjoy…”

Light Wrap-Up (74:15–77:32)

• Rainn plugs his Soul Boom podcast and Code 3 (“September 21st!”), and recommends several guest episodes (Rick Glassman, Pete Holmes, Berbiglia).
• The hosts express admiration for Rainn’s career, and the need for more great comedies.
  • “Literally one of the most iconic TV characters ever.” – Sam (75:41)

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• “The Office is crazy. It's the gift that keeps on giving.” – Rainn Wilson (06:11)
• “Shawshank Redemption sucks.” – Rainn Wilson (09:47)
• “I degraded myself...I went on Seth Meyers and…talked about tickets for the US Open. And sure enough, the next day…we got you tickets to the President's Box.” – Rainn Wilson (04:12)
• “When you serve others, you become happier and you're making the world a better place.” – Rainn Wilson (55:27)
• “The problem is, is that people keep watching The Office over and over again…so they're not ordering new comedies.” – Rainn Wilson (45:01)
• “We used to work on farms and animals just die. ... Now people can't get their lives back on track because their dog died.” – Rainn Wilson (65:23)
• “Boredom is good. You need to be bored.” – Rainn Wilson (57:56)
• “I haven't had a racist meltdown yet. The day is young. This could be the place to do it.” – Rainn Wilson (06:40)

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Timestamps: Important Segments

• (00:06–03:38) – Opening banter, US Open stories, celebrity perks
• (07:10–07:59) – Rainn discusses Code 3
• (09:47) – Rainn’s first hot take: “Shawshank Redemption sucks”
• (15:11) – On offensive language in comedy
• (20:31) – Rainn opens up on porn and mental health
• (35:27) – Scriptwriting struggles in Hollywood
• (37:13) – Rainn’s house fire & recovery
• (44:22) – The Office’s streaming dominance: 57 billion minutes watched
• (46:39) – The shaky early days of The Office
• (55:27) – Rainn expounds on “service to others” as life’s meaning
• (62:25) – Tennis “runner-up speech” ritual
• (64:55–68:48) – Rainn’s hot takes on “mourning pets”
• (69:06) – Peeve: “Welcome in” as an annoying new greeting
• (71:03) – Speakerphone rants and public etiquette

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Tone & Style

The conversation is loose, fast, self-deprecating, and playful with the irreverence typical of Mark and Sam, yet Rainn brings surprising earnestness especially around questions of mental health, service, and American culture. Plenty of raunch and sarcasm are offset with introspection and out-of-left-field opinions on beloved pop culture staples.

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Takeaways & Recap

• Rainn Wilson’s blend of humility and longevity: He's aware of his place as an “iconic” yet at times “B-list” celebrity, pragmatic about a career with peaks and quirks.
• Concern for comedy’s future: The nostalgia boom for comfort sitcoms may be stifling a new generation of scripted TV comedies.
• Service-driven mindset: After personal struggles, Rainn prioritizes meaning and happiness via serving others—his “Soul Boom” podcast amplifies that mission.
• Cultural satire: From hot takes on Shawshank to mocking pet obsessions, Rainn isn’t afraid to stir the pot.
• Nostalgia and change: The gang ruminates on everything from VHS tapes and MTV to the effects of smart tech and AI on authenticity and learning.
• Still, it’s funny: The episode is full of quick jokes, running gags, and moments (including extended riffs on masturbation, porn in childhood, hospitality etiquette, and celebrity meetups).

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Episode Links

• Code 3 – In theaters and streaming soon (as of Sept. 2025)
• Soul Boom Podcast – Hosted by Rainn Wilson
• Bodega Cat Whiskey – Mark & Sam’s spirits brand

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For anyone who missed this special episode, it’s a perfect blend of honest talk, comedy nerdiness, cultural commentary, and unpredictable tangents—with Rainn Wilson both fitting in and standing out in the best possible way.

Transcript

[A]

Hey. Hey. Rain. We're on. We might be drunk. What's shaking?

[B]

Glad to have you, man.

[C]

How's it going? We've been trying to set this up for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'm. I'm glad that I'm here. Thanks. Thanks for having me.

[A]

Well, you're a busy guy.

[B]

I saw you at the US Open yesterday.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I was there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You were sitting with Trump.

[C]

I was, Yeah. I was in the Rolex box. You guys are very scruffy. Is that part of your. Do you kind of your look a little bit. As you notice, I went with the, like the goatee. And it's very carefully.

[B]

This would fly in the New York Yankees. This would not.

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Because you can't be. You can't be dirty shaven. It has to be like groomed.

[C]

You have to have like a. Like a choice, like a conscious kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Beard look.

[A]

Yeah. You saw the Simpsons episode, Remember that one?

[C]

What's happening? We're looking at Trump at the.

[A]

The Open.

[C]

The Open.

[A]

Oh, that's a mint or a Viagra. The Viagra is blue.

[C]

Popping a pill. That's. That's interesting.

[A]

God, it would suck to be this. This much on camera. Yeah.

[C]

I read the New York Times headline and they were like some. Some boos and some cheers for Trump at US Open. And I was there. I did not hear a single cheer. 30,000 people booing. That's all I heard. And I was just right there. I'm.

[B]

Anymore.

[C]

Not anymore. But that's. I mean, he's born and raised like.

[B]

A couple miles right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Forest Hills.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Forest Hills. Quite the alumni. Simon and Garfunkel, Trump and Billy Eichner.

[B]

The big three.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Here's. Here's another factor is I just watched that Billy Joel documentary.

[A]

So good, right?

[B]

Talking about it.

[C]

Oh, my God. And I had Billy Joel song stuck in my head for like weeks afterwards.

[A]

Tried to be a big shot.

[C]

I left my. My AirPods in a cab. And you know, he had to find my iPhone.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So I was tracking them as they were, and I didn't have the receipt, so I didn't have the driver. I didn't even know which cab. And they ended up in Hicksville, Long Island. Hey, Place of Billy Joel.

[A]

How about that?

[C]

Yeah. So somewhere, I hope some relative of Billy Joel is enjoying my AirPods.

[A]

AirPods are tough because you're like, I want them, but I could just buy a new one. It's not enough money to go to Hicksville.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

So I Guess you bought new ones.

[C]

I thought about it. I need to buy some new ones. So, actually, with the money I make doing this podcast.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Big money.

[A]

I thought you were paying us. Oh, all right.

[C]

What's going on, guys? How's it going? How's the world of podcasting you guys Been five years, you've been doing this thing.

[B]

Have we?

[A]

No. Flying by. Good Lord. I didn't know that.

[C]

But, you know, you got to have this down. Covering your face.

[A]

Still learning. Nobody wants to see this mug. 250.

[C]

And folks who are watching at home, they're not drunk.

[A]

No, they're not.

[B]

One at noon.

[C]

They're not. They're not drunk.

[A]

We're hung over, if that helps. Okay.

[B]

Weekend.

[C]

Again. It's covering your face. You have an awesome face.

[A]

No. What are you, Naughty boy next door.

[C]

You want to just get it right?

[A]

There we go.

[B]

What are you in town for, specifically? Was the US Open or what?

[C]

Do you care? Do you really care?

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Well, what's that ticket go for?

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. Was that. Did you pay for that ticket or was it a con?

[C]

Here's the deal. Double here's the deal. We've got some stuff to get into.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[C]

My celebrity star is seriously waning. It's okay. It's okay.

[B]

I don't think we could have gotten you when you were on the Office.

[C]

That's so not true.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, come on, Rainey.

[C]

But I used to be able to get tickets, like, to everything.

[A]

Got it.

[C]

You know, and now it's kind of like, oh, hey, I'm going to New York's open. Here's some days I could go, can I get. My publicists are like, yeah, there's not really any tickets available. It's like, wait a second, wait a second. If Krasinski was going, he would get tickets.

[A]

Kirill.

[C]

So Karel would get tickets like that in a heartbeat. So I had to whore myself. I went on Seth Meyers and. And I joked about this very thing and talked about tickets for the US Open. I knew it would work. And sure enough, the next day, like, someone at the Open saw you on set, and we got you tickets to the President's Box.

[A]

What a great idea.

[C]

Yeah, so I. I degraded myself.

[A]

No, that's a. That's a finagle.

[B]

Who are you close to in there?

[C]

What?

[B]

In the box?

[C]

I was. Oh, it was kind of fun. Martha Stewart.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

And.

[B]

Yeah. Would you still.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Was she 82?

[A]

Oh, I'd imagine that Breakfast in the Morning.

[B]

That'd be a Good one.

[C]

She's still a looker. She's got it. Yeah. Mindy and BJ were there. Ben Stiller. Hugh Jackman was there.

[A]

Jeez.

[C]

Anna Wintour, look at you.

[B]

You look good, man.

[C]

Oh, thanks.

[A]

That's Hugh Jackman. I'm just kidding.

[B]

I like the look, though. You got it. No, you got to bring it for this. It's like a. It's a real fashion show.

[C]

Yeah, it's a thing. But, yeah, and I went to Wimbledon, too, but I had to do the same thing. And.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I didn't get.

[B]

You want to Graham Norton. And you're like, please.

[C]

I didn't do it. I didn't do a talk show. I got tickets through Wimbledon, but all the big stars get tickets in what's called, like, the King's. The Royal box. So it's like. I was there.

[B]

Martha Stewart's vagina.

[C]

The Royal Box.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Pretty special.

[C]

Megan's vagina.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The. So I was way up in, like, the 200 level and over. I could see over there, it's like, oh, there's Matthew McConaughey. It's like, you know, it's. Welcome to the level of B list celebrity, dude. You're slumming it on your.

[B]

We're not just saying this. You're fucking. That character's forever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You killed it.

[A]

One of the greats.

[C]

I.

[B]

Everyone loves that. If people see you, I'm sure they still freak the hell out.

[C]

They do. I mean, it's great. It's amazing. And the Office is crazy. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Like, it's like, yes. It doesn't. It doesn't. The Office doesn't wane. You know what I mean? There's still, like, so many, like, 12 and 13 year olds or college kids or whatever, and they're like, oh, my God, my favorite character. It's amazing. I can't believe that.

[A]

Dwight Schrute and Kramer. And then after his set, I feel like you went up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause you haven't had a racist meltdown yet.

[C]

I haven't had a racist meltdown yet. The day is young. This could be the place to do it.

[B]

My sister doesn't laugh at anything, and Dwight Schrute got her.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

She doesn't. Like. There's not one joke I've ever made that. She was like, that was good. But Dwight Schrute, she's like, that's.

[C]

This is nice.

[A]

That's.

[C]

She has good taste.

[B]

She does.

[C]

Is she hot?

[B]

Gonna bang my sister. God damn it. She has stubble. She does.

[A]

The New Day.

[B]

But.

[C]

But I'm here this week because I've got a movie coming out. Code 3 is coming out on Friday, September 12th. I don't know when this podcast is coming out, but. And it's me and Lil Rel Howery. Oh, I love Laurel action comedy, but it's got some dramatic elements, and it's about EMS workers and ambulance drivers, paramedics, kind of on a night from hell. And it's really good.

[A]

Great.

[C]

Honestly, It's a really, really good little film.

[A]

I'm glad any comedy movie is being made.

[B]

Is it going to theaters or is it streaming?

[C]

It's going to 100 theater.

[A]

Okay. Which is.

[B]

Right.

[C]

It's going to a handful of theaters, and then it's going to a smattering of theaters, and then it'll be like, you can video on demand after that.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

Some streaming place at some point.

[A]

I'm not sure when someone's gonna pick it up.

[C]

Someone. Well, but it's. It's terrific. And Rel is great. And it was. We got a little bit of the. Was it Gene Wilder and what, Richard Pryor.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Kind of vibe going.

[A]

Yeah. You know, Silver Streak. Silver Streak, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So what's the other one? Stir Crazy.

[A]

It's their crazy Hear no Evil.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Something like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. They were quite the. They were the first black white fun team. Then you had another 48 hours.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Dude, the first 48 hours is so good.

[A]

Oh, it's incredible.

[B]

Masterpiece that was on tv. It's like start to finish.

[C]

You just watch one of those movies that comes on and you can't turn. It's like Godfather. There's certain movies. Once upon a Time in Hollywood.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, you're just not changing the channel.

[B]

Dude. Pulp Fiction started the other day, and I'm like, I'm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Midnight when it started, I was like, I guess I'm watching.

[C]

I'm hooked.

[A]

TBS had a string. When I was in high school, they'd play the Breakfast Club, then they play Shawshank, and then they play what? Wow.

[C]

Yeah. I really don't like.

[B]

I don't love it as much as everyone. I like it, but I don't love it.

[A]

I don't what to love.

[B]

It's. It is long. It's funny that it's such a rewatch because it is miserable. Like, the whole time you're like, he's just suffering.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You need that for the ending, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The tone is so weird. It's kind of like, there's a rape in it, right? There's like a prison rape in it.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

The whole thing is like.

[A]

It's a male rape name.

[C]

What's Tim Robbins name?

[A]

Like Dufresne.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like Andy Dufresne collected all the tin cups from the cafeteria. And then there's like a prison rape. And you're like, what the hell is going on here?

[A]

They kept it real. It was gritty, but it.

[C]

No, but it's like Stephen King. It's like a fantasy fable.

[A]

It's like with a rape.

[C]

This is. My son is 20. And this is what they would call a hot take. Hot take.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Shawshank Redemption sucks.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

That's going to anger the comments.

[C]

I think that's the title of the ep. Yeah. Right there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Apparently they changed the ending, too. Apparently it wasn't. They weren't supposed to come together again, but the audience needed something after being put through all that shit.

[A]

Sure, sure. And he was supposed to be Morgan Freeman. Supposed to be an Irish guy.

[B]

Really.

[A]

But he killed the audition.

[C]

Well, that's one of the greats.

[B]

What, Are there any other classics? You're like, fuck that movie.

[C]

Yeah, I got another one.

[B]

Please.

[C]

Goonies.

[A]

W. With the ongoonies. It's all nostalgia.

[B]

It's got great moments.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

The ending. They. I did. They do a thing that bugs me at the end where it's like. There's like four times they try to make you cry. They're like keeping the house just.

[A]

They made it out alive.

[B]

That should be enough.

[A]

Right? Right.

[C]

But if you watch it again, all it is is 12 year olds screaming at each other.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

It's 90 minutes. Why are you doing it?

[B]

There's some pretty joyful moments in it.

[A]

And Chunk is now an entertainment lawyer.

[B]

He's. Yeah. Our buddy, Ida Rodriguez. He's her lawyer.

[A]

That's right. How cute is that the name of.

[C]

The weird guy with the weird face.

[A]

Sloth.

[C]

Yes, Sloth. So someone once compared me to Sloth.

[A]

And.

[C]

And I will say that there is a little bit.

[A]

I think he nailed it. I was drunk on Reddit. It's a long story, but find some sloth.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[A]

Did you ever get women? Because my wife is weirdly attracted to you. And did you ever get, like.

[B]

Were you offended by someone saying that they were weirdly attracted to you?

[A]

Well, the character. The character.

[C]

Okay, wait. Attracted to Dwight?

[A]

Yeah, she's just like. He was so sure of himself and confident that that was kind of hot.

[B]

There was a swag to Dwight.

[C]

Yeah, he had. He had a swag. I love that he was so weird looking, but yeah. You're trying to find sloth parallels. I'm weirdly attracted to you. Kind of crooked face. I don't know, something there.

[A]

Nick Nulty, mug shot on the right. I was a little too.

[C]

And I got my teeth fixed, so before my teeth were crooky.

[A]

Uhhuh. Looks like Rihanna, so. All right, I gotta stop making that joke anyway.

[C]

This is really distracting.

[B]

There's one a week.

[A]

There's one a week.

[B]

It's whether I say noir first or mark make.

[A]

Well, there's only one fat lady, Lizzo. There's only one lady who got beat up.

[B]

More than one fat lady.

[A]

All right. I had him in college. Sorry, what were you saying?

[C]

Is your wife hot?

[A]

She's very pretty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Postpartum.

[C]

Okay, I like that.

[B]

Yeah. Low self esteem right now. It's the perfect time to get in.

[A]

Yes, ample bosom, but I love that.

[C]

Dwight was so weird and yet the writers were smart enough to make him like, let's have him hook up a lot. This is gonna be fun.

[B]

Oh, and there's that episode where you grab that hot chick on the road when you do the traveling.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I mean, that was great. And then you're annoyed that she's staying around. I loved it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was a lot of fun.

[A]

Yeah, but you must have gotten some crazy letters from nutty broads out there.

[B]

Is it all social media? Letters are still a thing?

[A]

I guess. Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Yeah. With Rittenman Quell pens by candlelight. Yeah, sure, yeah, we get some weirdos and stuff like that, but, you know, my wife and I, we. We just did 30. 30 years.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

My Lord. And your son is 20?

[C]

We've been longer. Married longer than you guys have been alive.

[A]

No, we're old.

[B]

We're not that older.

[C]

I know that you're older than 30.

[A]

So you had a baby at 30.

[C]

So I was. My wife was 40. I was 38 when he was born. Oh, yeah.

[A]

All right. That seems to be the white way now.

[C]

Yeah, it is. It's like.

[B]

It's a showbiz way. You got to make a career first.

[C]

Yeah, career first, family second. Wait, to the last possible moment.

[A]

You got that right.

[C]

It all worked out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You guys have kids?

[A]

I got a baby, but yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm from the south, so a lot of my friends had kids at 21, 22, and now their kids are out the house and I'M deep in baby shit and screaming and I'm like, oh, maybe that was right. Because now they're living high on the hog and they're 40.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I am jealous of those people. They got it out of the way.

[A]

They got it done.

[B]

We were having fun.

[A]

We had a lot of fun. I wish I remembered it. We had fun.

[B]

Not a lot of memories now. Pictures that we look happy.

[A]

Yeah, we should check CCTV footage. I bet we'd catch up a little.

[C]

So what's going on in the world of comedy these days? You know, a lot of, like, are you guys lumped in with, like, the podcast bro kind of crowd?

[A]

We could dabble. We dip a toe in, we come out, we go back in. You know, you promote a lot of.

[C]

Flack for, like, the kind of podcast bros leaning, right? Yeah, Trumpy a little bit.

[A]

And yeah, I think there's too much politics looped in with comedy now. It's very strange.

[B]

Yeah, we don't really. We don't really dabble too much on that because we didn't get into this to tell people how to vote.

[A]

This is like.

[B]

Like observational comedy.

[A]

Yeah, I don't want to.

[B]

I think you leak. I think people know where we stand, but we try not to hammer it because there's enough people doing that. Yeah, every comic thinks they're like. Yeah, every comic thinks they're like, a geopolitical expert now. I know Middle East. I'm like, do we have to weigh in on everything?

[A]

Let's go back to talking about midgets and queefs and not foreign policy.

[C]

You can't say midgets. See, sorry just showed your car, but.

[A]

See, now you're politicizing midget.

[C]

You see, you have to say little people.

[A]

We've had a couple of midges on. Yeah, so we'll talk to. Let's ask them.

[C]

We are all so canceled right now.

[A]

Well, it's like, I don't think black people like African American.

[C]

Yeah, that might be true.

[A]

Huh. So maybe it will come back. It's coming back.

[B]

It'll come back.

[C]

All right, fair enough.

[A]

But yeah, yeah, Pull up the.

[B]

Yeah, that.

[A]

Oh, geez.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[C]

This guy was on Last Comic Standing.

[A]

I think he won.

[B]

He won.

[A]

Is that right?

[C]

He was runner up, but he.

[B]

Damn. Was that the prize?

[A]

Now he's dead man walking.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

I could play him in the Maid for.

[A]

You. Good.

[C]

If any producers are watching right now. An actor to play John Reap.

[A]

See, one man's downfall is another man's role.

[C]

How do I profit.

[B]

We're gonna see that headshot at the Virginia beach funny bone soon.

[A]

Too soon. Damn, that's crazy.

[C]

That's terrible.

[B]

Yeah, that's a terrible. I remember him on Eastbound and Down. He was funny on that.

[A]

I mean, yeah, he's a funny guy. That's.

[B]

That's not good. Gotta not do that.

[A]

Well, now, if we're not doing that, maybe we look like.

[B]

But we look better if we're not. Yeah, child pornography.

[A]

Well, people associate comics with this guy. I hope not. Oh, fuck. All right. I hope.

[B]

I hope that's. Are you a comedian? You're in a. You like children, right?

[C]

Zach, Mark.

[A]

I like his later work. No, no, no. I thought. Yeah, I thought he was a funny guy. And he was very nice when I met him, but I was a child, so it was on a playground. But yeah. Damn. Now I never know what that means. Does he get caught with porn? Did you log into a site?

[B]

I don't know what child pornography like? Yeah, like you don't know who has magazines anymore, so it must have been digital, right?

[A]

By the way, the porn is all library and hobos now. That's really. Yeah.

[B]

You mean the library is all porn and hobos?

[A]

What did I say?

[B]

The library is all.

[C]

You said the porn is all library.

[A]

Oh, sorry. The library is all porn.

[C]

I do like library porn and hobo porn. Hobo's in a library. Porn. You see that?

[A]

I guarantee that exists.

[C]

Yeah, with the. The bum soaked in his own urine, kind of giving it to the librarian. He's gotta do it really quietly.

[B]

Yeah, this is the peeve. The paywall. You can't give me one free article on the child molester. Yeah, I gotta pay for this. You know, his family's like, well, we want to know. I guess you gotta subscribe to the Miami Herald. It's crazy.

[A]

Harold and Kubar. There it is.

[C]

He's actually in that movie.

[B]

He's in the Herald and Cooper.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Whoa. Yeah.

[B]

At least he knows how to get out.

[C]

One count second degree sexual exploitation of a minor. Nine counts third degree sexual. What is.

[B]

What is the difference between second and third degree here? I don't even. I know nothing. I don't want to Google that.

[A]

But now, does that mean he took the pics? Because now I don't know where. If he took the pics. Now we got a real problem. If he looked at a pic, he.

[C]

Was in Netflix's Brad Paisley's Comedy Rodeo. What is that? That's a bunch of words I never thought I'd See together.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Like Brad Paisley and comedy rodeo.

[B]

There's a lot of stuff.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Well, this. This got really dark and weird.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[C]

Let's bring it back.

[A]

Oh, there it is.

[B]

Who else was on there? Do we know anyone?

[A]

Is that Nate?

[C]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Oh, my God. Bargazi.

[A]

Well, he's right next to him. All right, we should change the subject. What were they riding a 5 year old? All right, let's.

[B]

You can. Nate. You can bring kids to his shows. You sure? He was trying to open like. You got any work. We'll get out of this.

[C]

Thank God it wasn't called a comedy playground.

[B]

I just saw Nate on CBS Sunday Morning. They did a whole thing on. It was. It was amazing.

[C]

It was a great hosting the Emmys this weekend.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Man, he is in the mix.

[B]

Killing it.

[A]

He is mainstream, that guy.

[B]

So I. You're great on Entourage also, by the way.

[C]

Oh, thanks.

[A]

Great ep.

[C]

Speaking of porn. Yeah, those were actual porn.

[B]

That was a porn episode.

[C]

And the young woman who was the lead in that episode of Entourage, I think she. She died, right?

[B]

Yeah, I read.

[C]

Really tragic.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Yeah. So I don't know.

[A]

I've met a few porn stars in my day, and I'm always upset that they're. I'm like, why are you blowing me? You're a porn star. Do you ever have that feeling, you know, when you meet a comic? You're like, why aren't you funny? Yeah, I guess it's getting that right now. Well played. Well played. You still got it.

[C]

Thanks.

[A]

See, that's why you get these.

[C]

My crowd work.

[A]

All right. Well, yeah, I'm just saying porn stars to give off that energy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I. I don't ever. I don't. I don't. If I'm around a porn star, I don't, like, assume that they're gonna, like, have sex with me.

[A]

Right. Yeah, I guess that's all I know of them, so. Right.

[C]

That's how you know them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's your way in.

[A]

Exactly. You still doing the porn?

[C]

I'm off the porn.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Good on.

[C]

I went off the board. I had some porn issues, you know, with the advent of Internet porn, especially, like, early 2000s, and I was like, this is. You know, this is. This is not good for my mental health.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

Good time management thing, too. You're like, if I just get it out of the way, I'll be. It'll be. The day will be easier.

[A]

That's how I Do it.

[C]

But, you know. You know, minutes can turn into hours and, you know, and you can, like, it can really demotivate you. And also just. It just made me feel shitty about myself.

[B]

You never nut. When you're watching that and you're like, that was. That was good.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You never like, oh, I'm so glad I especially.

[B]

John Reap.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, God, you rip with you. So. But yeah, you know, porn. I look at porn like an espresso shot. I just knock it out. I'm not sitting there with the beaker energy. Huh.

[B]

I don't feel energized from it. I feel like I. I'm also. I don't like that. I'm like, I look, I don't watch it a ton, but I watch enough still to be like, ah, that was not. I don't want that to be what I'm attracted to.

[A]

Sure, sure. Yeah.

[B]

And to just like, what does your.

[C]

Wife think about porn use? Because I kind of feel also like, you know, when I was. When I was in that I was kind of like, I really should be. Especially as I was. As I am rapidly aging. Just kind of like that energy should be for my beloved.

[A]

But what if you're on the road? I'm on the road all the time, so I just knock it out.

[C]

FaceTime.

[B]

Same thing.

[C]

It's a video image. There's.

[A]

I know those tits, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've been to that neighborhood. I want to see something new.

[C]

She. And she's cool with that.

[A]

Wow. I think she. She rubs out her stuff. Does she watch porn she doesn't want? She watches Forensic Files and Goes to Town.

[B]

It's good stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Listens to true crime podcasts.

[A]

Well, women are different. I don't think they need the visual. She just needs the vibe.

[B]

I've had women say, well, like, let's watch it together. I'm like, watch it together.

[A]

Yeah. That's weird.

[B]

What is it? The Honeymooners. They're watching. Yeah, I want to watch. That's private. I don't want you to know. But then you're like, you should know. Yeah, that's a weird thing.

[A]

Both shows, they're getting hit, but, yeah, no, I don't want to. Yeah.

[B]

Rihanna.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm with you, though. I don't want to watch it with you. This is my own thing. It's like. It's like, I want to eat cake alone. I don't eat cake with you.

[B]

It's like when women want to play video games with you, and you're like, no, no, no, this is my time.

[A]

Yes. Better example, Sam, are you old enough.

[C]

To have wanked to a VHS tape?

[B]

Yeah, I had a couple.

[C]

Most I used to do when I was coming of age and discovered this world, there was the. This was the early 80s when you could try to get HBO or Showtime or Cinemax, something like that. And it would have the wavy lines, but occasionally it would get.

[A]

Oh, yeah, clear. I remember that.

[C]

And you could get, like, five to 15 seconds of boobies.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So you'd kind of like, be jiggling the TV channel and jiggling yourself and waiting for that. Just waiting for that perfect 100 storm.

[A]

The squiggle porn, we called it.

[C]

Yeah, it was. Porn was so hard in the. That's what she said in the 70s and 80s. It was so. There was so much work involved. There we go.

[A]

That was it.

[B]

Remember Robin Bird?

[A]

Dude?

[B]

That was. That just. Was that just a New York thing? Robin Bird was like this woman that would come on after dark on channel 35, and she was just like an older lady who wasn't particularly great looking, but her tits were always out. And as a kid, you're like, this is incredible.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, I vaguely remember we had Rhonda Shear. I think I like that you googled.

[C]

Robin Bird and then a bunch of robins came up.

[A]

This guy's a great robin bird.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's hot.

[B]

Yeah, I was bird watching late at night. That's what I was talking about.

[A]

Was that her? Yeah. Yikes. Boy, we were slumming, huh?

[B]

We were slumming, dude. I mean, back then, you take what you could get.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you'd also find you're like, I guess I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every once in a while, be like, that's. You know.

[A]

Oh, remember Elvira? I would watch Elvira watch the whole thing just because she had cleavage in my neighborhood.

[B]

She's a hot.

[A]

She was pretty hot. Yeah.

[B]

And still hot.

[A]

Still hot.

[C]

She's still hot. She's like 75. I did a comic book convention thing with Elvira. She's beautiful.

[A]

Really?

[C]

And smart. She has a great memoir.

[A]

Oh, okay. We'll give that a shot.

[B]

Crazy Stories.

[C]

Wait, what's happening?

[A]

What the hell are you watching?

[C]

This is on TV when we were coming up.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute.

[C]

35.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

So no vag, but just. Yeah, you had new dancers on. It was a strip.

[B]

Yeah, but you were literally flipping the channels, and you'd go from, like, mash to this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, wait, what?

[C]

And.

[A]

Oh, she's cute.

[B]

Yeah, she looked all right. Then she looked good. I was wrong.

[A]

I'll tell you. You flip through in Europe. I've done gigs in Europe. And you're just flipping through in Amsterdam and it's just tits after 11. Yeah, that's their. That's their law.

[C]

Tits after 11. It's a good name for a podcast.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[C]

My neighborhood was very communal about the porn. And if anyone in the cul de sacs of suburban Seattle had some, we would hide it at a convenient. Like, I thought you meant now, by.

[B]

The way, I was like, damn, he's still. He's got a community. He's like, dude, watch this.

[C]

Like, circa 1979.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You would hide it on the. In the same stump.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[C]

Or at, like, a house under construction, someone's shed, and everyone knew where it was. And like, oh, my Uncle Ronnie gave me one. And. And you. You'd tell the guys, like, hey, I put another one in the. In the stack.

[A]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[C]

It was like a lending library. Like, they were always, like, waterlogged and, you know, you couldn't get the pages apart from not water. Water from rainwater.

[A]

And then with the vhs, you could tell where they kept rewinding it. It was right on the money shot. They're like, oh, this part's a little fuzzy. Yeah, those vh, they were always colorful, too. It was like orange or blue or red.

[B]

Yeah, they popped.

[A]

Yeah, they really advertising. It is.

[B]

It's like Fish Wife.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I don't want to watch the Big Chill, or.

[B]

That's a big movie.

[A]

I don't like the Big Chill.

[C]

Yeah, I haven't. I saw it in, like, 1987, but I haven't seen it since then.

[B]

It's just like, a lot of forced. Like, it's another. Like, we're going to try to make you cry and do another. Good soundtrack, though. Good cast, Good cast.

[C]

Good. Another hot take. What do you. What do you think about Scarface?

[B]

I like it.

[A]

It's not a good movie, but it's fun.

[B]

It's fun as hell, dude. I love Brian De Palma, so I don't give a shit.

[C]

I like his horror stuff.

[B]

Yeah, I love Body Double, too. That's trashy as hell, but it's fun.

[C]

Body Double is great, but I don't know Scarface. I tried to watch it. It's ridiculous.

[B]

So fun.

[A]

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

[B]

I remember Mulaney had that bit back about how, like, my favorite movies when people say, you know, a Godfather and Scarface. And he goes, that's like, my favorite food is lobster and skittles, you know, So I get it. It's not like it shouldn't be in that category of movie, but it's so fun. Like, how do you. I don't know. Like, look at that. It looks ridiculous.

[A]

It's over the top. It's crazy.

[B]

Logia, that guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. The giant mounds of coke. It's all comical.

[B]

Yeah. It's. It's insane. And, you know, it's so over the top. Dramatic.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And black people love it.

[B]

They do. Yeah. Cribs. It was like, you had to have that.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Every. Every. Every rapper had a. Every. Every person had Scarface.

[C]

I miss those days of mtv. You're. You're. You're referencing MTV Cribs, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[C]

But remember when mtv, like, kind of determined culture.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Like, everything was about, like, whether it's a music video or Cribs. I'm forgetting all this. That was the dating shows.

[A]

Like. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Like, everything was, like. Even through the early 2000s.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

When the Office was starting, like, you would turn to MTV to kind of see, like, yeah, where's the zeitgeist?

[A]

Right.

[C]

What's going on with the kids these days?

[B]

The last thing they had was catfish. Right?

[A]

Catfish was big.

[C]

They have that one Teen Mom, Chanel, East Coast.

[A]

I don't know that.

[C]

What did you say? No ridiculous. Ridiculousness.

[A]

Oh, that was big.

[B]

Ever. Right?

[C]

That's still on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. I think it's big on. Let me call John Reap. I know he's. Yeah, that's. Yeah.

[C]

What was the heyday of the MTV shows?

[A]

I would say Teen Mom. All that stuff was big. Jersey.

[B]

I've never seen one episode of that.

[A]

Oh, it was fun. Yeah, it was.

[C]

A lot of it was fun.

[A]

They were just banging you.

[C]

Like Scarflight.

[B]

Remember Singled Out?

[A]

Singled Out. I used to.

[C]

Chris Hardwick.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

And Carmen electra and Jenny McCarthy before that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I would rub one out to them. That's how little we had. They were in these skimpy outfits, and I could get off.

[C]

Chris, look at him there. Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He was drinking a lot back then.

[B]

I remember that was a 90s haircut, too.

[A]

Oh, for sure.

[B]

Parted down the side, butt cut.

[A]

Yeah. Wait, wait. You knew him drinking?

[C]

Yeah, I knew him in his drinking days. I did House of a Thousand Corpses with him in 2000.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

2001.

[B]

What's that?

[C]

House for a Thousand Corpses is a kind of Classic cult horror film directed by Rob Zombie.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Me and Chris Hardwick were the. Were like the young guys who got brutally slaughtered.

[A]

Hey, that's cool.

[B]

It was fun.

[C]

We had a blast.

[B]

Are you a big horror movie guy?

[C]

I. I like horror. Yeah. Yeah, I like horror. I think nowadays some of the best movies being made are horror. Do you see weapons?

[B]

I gotta die.

[A]

We're the only people in America.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was on the road.

[C]

It's almost not a horror film. It's like, it's kind of a Tarantino supernatural thriller. Great acting. You know, there is House for Thousand Corners.

[B]

Yeah, I'm dying to see it. I was made by a comedian.

[A]

Really?

[B]

That guy was on like Whitest Kids, you know?

[C]

Yeah, he's a sketch comic.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't know that.

[B]

There was a lot of similarities. I mean, peel.

[A]

Yes. I mean, it's all tension and then breaking it.

[B]

Yeah. Release.

[C]

Yeah, I. I co wrote a sci fi horror script. I'm trying to get off the ground to direct.

[A]

Hey, okay, that's.

[B]

Did you direct episodes of the Office?

[C]

If there's any billionaires have an extra $12 million sitting around, please hit me up. I did direct some Office. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You got us open tickets on Seth Meyers this show. Yeah, that'll get you a billionaire.

[C]

I don't think billionaires watch this show.

[A]

Maybe they're kids.

[B]

I don't think billionaires are looking to invest in. In movies.

[A]

Yeah, true.

[C]

Surprise. How many millionaires want to get in the movies?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, we might have someone for a thing.

[A]

Yeah, we wrote a movie.

[B]

Wrote a movie. We might.

[C]

Kidding.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For real.

[A]

A comedy.

[C]

Oh, that's awesome.

[B]

But a buddy movie. Yeah, I hope.

[C]

Yeah. That's why you're talking about making more comedies. Because you're absolutely right. Like, got to get those comedies. Greenland we gotta get. But you have to convince people to go into movie theaters.

[A]

Well, we'll go to streamer. We don't mind.

[B]

Are you one of those comic actors who also is like, I want to do more serious stuff or do you love doing comedies?

[C]

I do. I'll do both. Yeah, I want to do it all. I mean, code three is. I'd say mostly comedy with some dramatic parts, but yeah, I'll. I'll do it all. I'll do it all.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. We'd love to get this made, but I'm fine with a stream of your movie.

[B]

What's your pitch right now?

[C]

I think elevator pitch.

[B]

Right now it's called we might be drunk. Yeah, but oh, really? Yeah, we're liquor salesmen. We have our own whiskey bodega cat. And it's kind of about two guys who are struggling liquor salesmen and how they have to try to circumvent, you know, the biz and get distribution.

[C]

Did you guys write it or bring on another?

[A]

We wrote it with two.

[B]

We have two other writers we wrote with, and I think it's. I think it's fun. Oh, yeah, we were working on. On the road. We're on FaceTime, punching it up over the. I was like, I think it's pretty close.

[A]

It's nothing but jokes, one after another. Good story.

[C]

Have you sent it out or anything?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we shortening it. We overrode it, so we're shortening it to appease a financier right now.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

So he was like, it's good, but it's got to be a little shorter. And then.

[C]

Yeah, so we'll see. Yeah, they want it like a hundred minutes. They don't want it.

[B]

But that's. But that's what a comedy should be, I think. Yeah, they're right. We overrode it because it was too many cooks in the kitchen telling us, like, this needs to happen here and this. And we're like, more heart. All right. Yeah, more heart. Oh, my God. I hate smile comedy.

[A]

Hate hard.

[B]

Where it's like. It's not. I don't mind. There should be a moment where you feel. Where you are happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But you do want to care about the character.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

You want to care for their situation in the first.

[B]

But I just mean, like, smiles in place of jokes where they think that's enough. Or it's like, no, you need. You need it to be funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, Naked Gun killed it, so that gives us hope.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Naked Gun did kill it.

[C]

Yeah. I haven't seen that yet, but I heard just great things about it. I can't wait.

[A]

I heard it's good.

[B]

Yeah. I had lunch with the writer guys in la. They're really cool.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

They gave me. Dude, they. One of them text me to watch a movie. They. They send me movies now. Doug sent me to watch this Kurosawa movie, High and Low. I'd never seen it. Fucking amazing.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I'd never seen it.

[C]

He was like, the original Japanese one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like the 50s or something.

[B]

They just remade it with Denzel and Spike Lee, which. Pretty good, too.

[C]

I couldn't get into the Japanese one. I just didn't unders. I didn't understand what was going on.

[B]

You got to give it, like five minutes, and then it's pretty. I mean, the premise is crazy. It's. I'm not giving anything away because this happens in, like, the first few minutes. But basically there's a kidnapping. This guy mortgages all of his finances to take over the shoe company. And he's like, playing the game to have a takeover, to have the full percentage. His kid gets kidnapped and he's on the phone. He's like, I don't have money, but fuck it, I'll do anything to save the kid. And then it turns out it's not his kid, it's the chauffeur's kid. And he's like, huh.

[A]

Oh, that's basically it.

[B]

But it goes from there. And it's really good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting. I'm already hooked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just watched Seven Samurai. That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah, I love Seven.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I gotta get. I gotta do a deep dive on Curse Hour because I feel like that's like a blind spot for me. And it's all. Everything I've seen.

[C]

I love you seen Ron that. Not Ron, like Ron Ron, but Ran. And it's like a retelling of, I think, King Lear. And it's the. The shots of the samurai wars and stuff are just incredible.

[A]

Yeah. When you watch him, you're like, oh, I see the Scorsese. I see Tarantino influence. I see Hitchcock influence. There's so much influence.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

He was the guy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he's great.

[B]

So do you. Do you write a lot of scripts?

[C]

Do I write a lot of scripts? I wrote a comedy script, like, a long time ago, like 15 years ago. And Will Ferrell was attached for a little while and just couldn't get it financed. And it's just sitting there. It's called Banzai Shadowhands, and it's about an alcoholic former ninja living in the San Fernando Valley. It's like a fucked up Karate Kid where a kid hires him to kill his stepdad.

[A]

Oh, fun.

[C]

Ninja in recovery who's living in a halfway house in Van Nuys. So it's funny, it's good.

[A]

But don't you hate the Holly? No one's attached. And then the meetings and then the distributor, it's taking months.

[B]

It's mad.

[C]

We did the budget at like $6 million, which is very low. And everyone was like, like, we're gonna need, like, Mark Wahlberg to get this finance. Like, Mike Wall. Mark Wahlberg's not gonna do a six million dollar indie comedy right this. This doesn't. The math doesn't add up.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And they're, you know, they go through the list of. Of those A list names, and they're like. And then I'm like, could I, you know, could I make it with David Harbour? Isn't that his name? Like, from Stranger Things? He's on Stranger Things. I'm like, now he won't get you. He won't get you $6 million.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

He's on the number one most famous TV show on the planet. But so are you doing, like, Marvel stuff?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's weird, though, that I feel like they also are just always on vacation, that people were dealing with meetings just keep getting pushed. They're like, no, it's. It's MLK week. And you're like, okay, week. That was just a day. What the hell? And then they're like. And then there's another going on vacation next week. And then the next week, the company, like, down. I'm like, when do they fucking work?

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[C]

Hollywood will use any excuse to shut offices down.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Speaking of shutting down, did your house burn down?

[C]

Half my house burned down.

[B]

Oh, I saw that video. Dude, I'm sorry.

[A]

Pull it up.

[C]

Oh, we got.

[A]

I mean, where are you living now?

[C]

That ability. We moved back. We were in a bunch of Airbnb, which.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

And we moved back into the guest room of our house.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, that's a sitcom right there.

[C]

And. Yeah, that's holy hell right there. That's it.

[A]

Is this. What are the Palisades, or.

[C]

This is. In Ventura County. There was a little known smaller fire that was a month before the Palisades fire out in Ventura county, and that.

[A]

You could have used some rain.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

All right. Jesus.

[B]

That's crazy, man.

[A]

Yeah. Sorry.

[C]

So. But it's. It's moving along. It's moving along at the. It should be done by Christmas.

[A]

It'll been a year.

[C]

It'll be a year.

[B]

Are there any steps taken? And this is a naive question, but are there any steps they can take to make the area safer from this happening again?

[C]

There are a lot of steps that folks can take. I've learned a lot about this.

[A]

You can bury the power lines.

[C]

That would be the number one most helpful thing. But you can. You have to. We were fucked because a lot of our hedges kind of touched our house and, like, touched our roof and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And that brought it. You have to put, like, mesh on the air ducts. You know, whatever you can do on your roof. Don't have Wooden shingles. There's. There's a lot of. There's a lot of stuff you can do, but especially mitigating, like trees and foliage around the house is the number one thing. But people installing sprinklers on their roof. Yep.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

We're doing that for the next. For the next one, you know, just have a. You know, you got sprinklers in your yard, sprinklers on your roof. And have an app and like, oh, there's a fire getting close. Love it, you know?

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Great stuff. Tastes great, feels good. It's not bad for you.

[B]

And you love that smoothie.

[A]

Love the smoothie.

[B]

I love the smoothie too. And they had some great re. Sometimes you get the reheat stuff, you think it's gonna suck. This was good. And for guys like Mark and I who are always kind of moving around, always on the go, it was nice to just pop in the microwave, save some money, not do seamless or whatever the hell you're ordering now. With more than 65 weekly meal options, every day can have a totally different vibe. No batch cooking required. Meal times couldn't be easier. Just heat up a factor meal in the microwave or on a skillet for two minutes. You're good to go. Eat [e-mail] drunk50 off and use code DRUNK50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for a year. That's crazy. That's code DRUNK50OFF@Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for a year. That is an amazing deal. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factor offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase.

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[C]

We didn't get anything.

[A]

Oh, this is what I'm talking about. What's going on out there?

[B]

Insurance companies are gone.

[C]

Right? We were lucky. We got it. We have pretty good insurance. So we. But we still. Our deductible was huge. So I'm out. You know, I'm out a lot.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

Then there's lots of stuff you have to replace and buy and they don't. It doesn't cover like, you know, we lost dozens of trees on our property and we got to replace those. Trees are expensive.

[A]

I know, I know.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I didn't know that plants are expensive.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You get a little tiny trees, like three to five hundred dollars and then if you want to get like a sizable tree, you're in the thousands.

[B]

Oh yeah, I didn't.

[C]

I know nothing about this.

[A]

I moved to Brooklyn and you got to keep up with The Joneses around the neighborhood. So I had to buy a bunch of flowers and pots and dirt. I'm buy. It feels weird to buy dirt. You know, dirt's like what we're trying to get rid of. It's everywhere, and I'm buying dirt.

[C]

I'll take you out to New Jersey, but get some dirt for free.

[A]

Oh, let's do it. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

[C]

Do a Sopranos thing.

[A]

I'm on my hands and knees with a little shovel. I feel like, you know, Wally Cleaver.

[B]

Do you still get residuals from the Office?

[C]

I get pretty good residuals. Although it's funny. I did not. From Netflix. So Netflix, there was some statistic. Maybe you can look up the statistic about the number of, like, billions of minutes watched or something like that. It was like the Office was, like, the most watched showed during COVID and kind of even pre Covid and that the streaming residuals are not good, but it still plays on, like, Comedy Central.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

And it's foreign sales and some other ones. So we do. Okay.

[A]

341 million hours of viewing worldwide during the first half of 2023.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy. Yeah, it went super viral.

[C]

There's something about billions, though. Oh, that's the first half of 2023.

[B]

So you can double that.

[C]

That's. There was something about billions of. Of hours or minutes.

[A]

I believe it. My wife watches it literally every day. It's just, like, a comfort thing at this point.

[B]

It is. It is a comfort show, but this is a.

[C]

This is a problem. I was talking to a TV executive, and they're like. I was like, why are there no new comedies? Yeah. Viewers spent 57 billion minutes watching the Office on Netflix in 2020.

[A]

2020.

[C]

57 billion.

[A]

If you.

[C]

If you knew, like, the check amount for the residual, it was very low for that, but now then they sold it to Peacock, and then.

[A]

Right.

[C]

It's. It's gotten better since then.

[A]

Oh, good.

[C]

But. But part of the problem. I was talking to this TV guy, and they were like. I was like, why are there no new great comedies? There's so few TV comedies.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Out there are being launched and whatnot. And then there's shows like the Bear. That's not really a comedy.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I get so annoyed when comedy.

[C]

It identifies even, like, hacks is a really fun.

[A]

Hacks is good.

[C]

But I wouldn't. I wouldn't necessarily say it's like.

[A]

It's a dramedy. Yeah, it's a dramedy. There's a lot of Jokes in it. But it's really a sad story.

[C]

But the problem is, is that people keep watching the Office over and over again. And Seinfeld and friends and 30 Rock and Brooklyn nine. Nine.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Just watching these shows over and over again.

[A]

Good point.

[C]

And young people are watching them, so they're not, like, ordering new comedies.

[A]

So I never thought.

[C]

Watching the Office. There's your headline. They might be drunk. Rainn Wilson says stop watching the Office. Clickbait, outrage. What is this about? This is gonna be a great reel.

[A]

It's a good point. When all the family stop coming on, you watch the next thing. Because you couldn't replay all in the Family. Right. I never thought of it.

[B]

You could buy the VHS or something. But, yeah, it was a whole different process. So. But when this came back on just a few years ago, I think also. Was it during COVID Was it 2020? Because that makes so much sense that people needed a comfort watch. But did you get an insane amount of new fans, you think, from that?

[C]

It was because people don't remember this, but even before Steve left, we were in ratings decline. Four or five seasons of the Office.

[B]

I remember the first season, I didn't even. I thought it was funny, and I didn't think it was gonna survive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it was, like, six episodes and it was.

[C]

And that's what we thought. We thought it was gonna be like Arrested Development, like, you know, season and a half, two seasons. Cult following, great show. But disappear.

[B]

Did that influence the vibe where you're like, this is. Was it nervous on set because you're like, it's gonna go away.

[C]

We were almost. I can't tell you. People don't believe the story, but I can't even tell you how many times we were almost canceled. We just hung on by the skin of our teeth. It was. It was. It was crazy.

[A]

Wow. God.

[C]

Season two was like, oh, I found the money, and we're gonna order seven more episodes. We just did six for season one.

[B]

Like, I love it. They found the money. Like, they're under some cushion. They're like, oh, yeah, this guy Kevin.

[C]

Kevin Riley, who was running NBC at the time, is like. He, like, squirreled money, I think, away from, like, other bad shows and, like, put a side fund and, like. And they're like, oh, we got. We got one more episode in season two. We can make it eight now.

[A]

Jeez.

[C]

We're like, oh, great. Hey, they ordered one more. And, like, okay, they ordered two more scripts, but we don't know if we're gonna shoot them. It was really touch and go for months and months.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They did this to Family Guy too. A lot of these shows are just sort of like this close to just disappearing forever, then end up going for forever on tv.

[C]

It's made them a bazillion. And Seinfeld.

[A]

Seinfeld too. Yeah. Almost got putting it after Cheers is what saved him.

[B]

But was, was that. I don't know this, so I'm sorry, I know I don't know this at all, but was the show ever a huge ratings here? Was it like a critical hit? I know, it's huge now.

[C]

It did very well in the 80s. I don't know that it ever was like a top 10 show, but it was like, it certainly was the number one comedy on NBC.

[B]

That's cool.

[C]

And it was a top comedy.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[C]

But it might have been sometimes in the 20 or 30 or something like that, but it was. But here's the thing.

[B]

That was also like the reality TV era too. Yeah, that was probably crushing that.

[C]

But they did studies of like who was watching the Office and they're like, oh, it's college kids and rich people. And that's the key demo, right, that the advertisers want to reach. So we didn't have huge audiences, but they kind of keyed in on the fact that we had some smart fans. Like your wife.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. She loves it. She lives for it. Also, here's a theory.

[C]

You go, she's a college kid.

[A]

Yeah, my reap. But she goes through. Or we all go through Instagram and Tick Tock and there's a lot of comedy on there. So I wonder if we get a fill of comedy, like just going through YouTube shorts and the guy getting kicked in the balls and then a stand up clip. And it's for you.

[C]

And comedy.

[A]

Podcast and podcast.

[C]

So.

[B]

Yeah, but I like scripted comedy. I. I miss.

[A]

I do too.

[B]

Our buddies on a show on fx, the English Teacher.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it's very funny. Very funny.

[C]

I haven't seen it.

[B]

I think it's a funny show.

[A]

Really funny. Sean Pat.

[C]

The paper's out now and I watched the pilot. I thought, yeah, they didn't. You know, I'm not paid to say this. No.

[A]

I'm Dwight. What do you do? This is sacrilegious. We don't need a remake. It's like when they remade White Men Can't Jump.

[B]

It's not a remake. It's like a spin off.

[A]

It's a spin off thing.

[C]

It's a documentary. That same documentary crew is Documenting a different workspace. It's the Toledo Truth Teller newspaper.

[A]

Give it up.

[C]

I think.

[A]

I mean, you're just like, live, damn it. Live. It's over.

[B]

Was any part of you annoyed when Parks and Rec came out and you're like, this is our thing?

[C]

Because Greg Daniels co created it, and Mike Shore, who was from SNL and was a head writer on the Office, spent. We were. We were rooting for him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It was kind of felt like all in the family. Kind of. Kind of.

[A]

It's got to be tough for these writers. Where do they all. They used to be, like, 38 comedies on TV. Now there's like, two. They must be clawing to get those jobs.

[C]

Any. My. My friend is working on the TED Animated.

[B]

Oh, great show.

[A]

Great show.

[B]

So that's a great new comedy.

[C]

Yeah. He's so grateful.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[C]

Have a comedy job. I mean, there's so many, like, comedy writers out there with guns to their heads right now.

[A]

I know there's so little work for them. I see him trickling into the standup clubs, and I'm like, oh, welcome to the gutter. You know, you got no. No cushy air conditioning anymore.

[B]

You should be a writer or producer. You'll make, you know, a safer living. And now it's. I think it's the opposite. Stand up. There's way more of a middle class.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Figure it out. They kind of make your own career. You can work when you choose to work.

[C]

You got to be on the road a lot.

[A]

I don't mind the road.

[B]

Mind it.

[A]

Luckily, I'm okay with the road. We.

[B]

We did it when it sucks, so now when it's not that bad kind of point. You know, we did it when we were in, like, a Super 8. So now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like a cool hotel, we're like, oh, this is great.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I have a kid, so I gotta get out there.

[C]

Do you do, like, corporate gigs, too?

[A]

Sometimes, yeah. Good money.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Horrible.

[C]

Those are good.

[A]

Horrible gigs, but great money.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they. You bomb, you're gonna go in knowing I'm gonna bomb, but.

[B]

Yeah, and if you don't bomb, it's like. You're like, wow, that was cool.

[C]

Because only they're not there to see you. So only a quarter of them have seen you before on the web. And.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You're not.

[A]

Yeah, I've had corporate gigs where the guy is so pumped to have me. He's like, I'm a fan. Do this joke, do that joke. And I'm like, oh, it's gonna be a Layup. And I still bombed.

[B]

Yeah, well, he liked you the rest of the same. Here you get hired by the person who likes you, and then the rest of you are like, what the fuck is this shit? We're doing a kid's birthday for that once. Do this joke. I'm like, dude, they hate me. What do you. You know, wow.

[A]

John Reap did it after you. Yeah, that's the last rape. Sorry. But you must get PA stuff all the time where they want. They want you to pop down and say a few words.

[C]

I. I do that. I got one where I got to go open the Delta Airlines first class Loun Seattle, where I literally, like, cut the ribbon. Wow. And got a nice chunk of change in my Hometown Seattle. Hey, SeaTac Airport, where I was going as a kid. And that's fun, you know, but I do a lot where I, I, you know, because Soul boom. The podcast I do is a little. Is a little deeper. No offense. It's a little, you know, we get into mental health and. Yeah, there's no drunkenness. We don't talk about porn so much.

[A]

And Soul Deep sounds like a black porn so deep. Okay.

[C]

Soul Boom.

[A]

So boom. Sorry.

[C]

But that also, I get to. I go to a lot of conventions and stuff, talking about, like, mental health stuff and kind of, you know, being a human being.

[B]

What do you think your interest in that came from? The. The mental health stuff?

[C]

Going. Going through a mental health crisis.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[C]

Fucking miserable for years.

[B]

What made you so miserable, do you think?

[C]

Well, oh, we might be drunk. Part of it was drugs and alcohol, but that was just part of it. This was in the 90s. I was in my 20s, but I was just lost, you know, like, drugs and alcohol, for me, they. I just medicated my anxiety with them. And then later, like, we're talking about porn. I use porn to medicate my anxiety. Like, it just doesn't work for me. And I just. I was, you know, they might be lost. I just was. Yeah, I just struggled a lot. And a lot of, like, anxiety, loneliness, depression. I was trying to be an actor. I was dirt broke. You know, for a while, I was living in this, like, I swear to God, I was living in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn.

[A]

Whoa.

[C]

Just. And that. And then in the 90s, there weren't many ways to kind of like, what do you do? Like, I couldn't afford therapy.

[A]

No.

[C]

There's no podcast, there's no apps, there's no meditation app.

[A]

Right. There's like, there's booze.

[C]

Yeah. And so when I was quitting that and trying to figure out my path. I started investigating spirituality. So I started reading about Buddhism and trying to meditate and reading, you know, because I thought maybe if there's. If I find like life and purpose and God and the meaning of life, maybe this will get me out of it. And it helped. It didn't like, it didn't like, solve things for me, but it was. I'm kind of grateful for the journey.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because it helped me put a lot of things in perspective.

[B]

Did that help you kind of feel back on track? I mean, reading this stuff or did therapy help or medication?

[C]

And eventually I started making a little money and doing TV and I was able to get into therapy. And yeah, I did medication for a while. That helped. And. Yeah. And then I got into 12 step recovery and that helped as well. And so you put it all together. Therapy and 12 steps and, and meditation, reading about spiritual ideas and, you know, just trying to kind of focus my life and like, why am I here? My next book is going to be on the meaning of life.

[A]

Whoa, that's a lofty subject.

[C]

It is.

[A]

It is pretty good luck.

[C]

Lofty.

[B]

What? Can you give us a blurb? Like, what. What do you feel is the meaning?

[C]

Oh, I know what the meaning is.

[A]

Residuals.

[C]

The meaning of life. And I, and I verified this. I interviewed this Tibetan monk that had spent his entire life, like, meditating.

[A]

Tick not Hanh.

[C]

It wasn't, it wasn't him. He's dead now. But I love Tick Nhat. Hanh.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

You read his stuff?

[A]

Yeah, he's good.

[C]

Amazing. Yeah, he's amazing. But. And it's about service to others. It's all about service to others. That's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because when you serve others, you become happier and you're making the world a better place. And if everyone is in a service mindset one to another, then the whole world is going to elevate, like, all of these issues that we're having, all these divisions and this toxicity is going to dissipate if we're living in a kind of a loving service mindset with ever deeper compassion.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

To another.

[B]

So how do we, how do we accomplish that, though, when everyone is just being meaner than ever on their phones, It's.

[A]

It's hard get rid of the phone.

[C]

It's. Well, yeah, I'm thinking about making my smartphone a dumb phone.

[A]

Like a, Like a brick.

[C]

Well, I looked into that. I think there's another way to do it where. If I give my friends my screen time password, so I don't have my screen time password. And then they do, like, they take off the App Store and then they take off all the apps that I waste my time on, including, like Safari and email and news and YouTube and. And all that stuff. So I. My phone is just like maps, podcasts, texts.

[A]

Yeah. And that's pretty good.

[C]

And that's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It sucks that you get your news the same place where you get all the other bad stuff, because it is good to be informed. But then I'm like, I'm getting the news the same place I get porn. I get death scrolling.

[C]

I get all the shops shopping on Amazon.

[B]

Shopping. Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[C]

This has been this huge. And it's part of the huge mental health crisis too, is like this social experiment of like, hey, we're gonna give everyone above the age of 11amicrocomputer that can do anything, that has constant, endless distraction. You can look up anything, Google anything, order anything, watch any kind of porn you want. You want German shepherd porn, Whatever it is, it's all right there at your fingertips. And we're just gonna plunk one of these into everyone's pockets.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Circa 2015 or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, it's crazy. 2010.

[C]

Like, we're just gonna go bloom, here's hundreds of millions of these little devices.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And we'll never be bored again because you always have your phone to look at.

[A]

And boredom is good. You need to be bored.

[B]

Boredom's good for creativity. I mean, you brought up the Billy Joel doc and he would talk about how he'd go a little crazy because he'd have to kind of go into hiding to write. But that writing gave us some great.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta be bored.

[B]

I mean, boredom is. God, I remember being bored as a kid and being like, this is probably good.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

At the time. But looking back, that was probably huge.

[A]

I always say the phone is the only invention that's been amazing and helped our lives. But you're also glad wasn't around when you were a kid.

[C]

Yeah. And now with AI, like, I think about kids, what if you're, like, 13 now and, like, you've got an essay due on the Renaissance or something like that, and you can just kind of be chatgpt. Right. Right, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Of course you're going to change it and that. But you're not really going to learn about. How are we going to. How is teaching going to have to change? How is learning and schooling going to have to shift because of AI? Like, my son's in college and I'm like, thank God he didn't have AI exactly. Or high school. Like, he had to actually research and write his paper now. He had Google. I didn't have Google. I had to go to the library.

[A]

Yeah. Same porn in the Hombos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm the same way. I feel the same way. And even spelling, my spelling's gotten worse. I used to be able to tell time in two seconds. Now you go, what is that? The. The six is on the four. Because you just. Your brain will go to convenience every time.

[B]

I remember using a calculator. Used to feel like a piece of.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Now I'm like, ah, that's. I don't even think I'm like, oh, yeah, tip, calculate, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Did they have that with the abacus? They're like, man, I'm beating the system with this thing, you know? But yeah, that's true. We're just everything. Remember how many phone numbers you used to know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's all gone.

[B]

I still know a couple. I know a few.

[A]

I don't even know mine.

[C]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah, I know my.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You know.

[A]

The same joke to each other.

[B]

No, it is crazy because chat GPT, you get these shortcut answers and I immediately like. It can be fun. Like, I was watching a movie last night. I was watching. I was watching the tennis match you at yesterday and I was like, oh, what's. What's their head to head? I want to know what their center has.

[C]

How would they do? Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm like, I wonder what Federer and Nadal's head. You start doing that, you're like, it's cool to get all these answers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But using that for your education as a kid, you just don't. If you're just using shortcuts, you don't have an understanding for the big picture of anything.

[A]

You never have to dig deep. You never have to. I always say, kids, if it's so good, they'll never be great. Why would I learn an instrument? I'll just AI the song. I'll make a song on AI or why would I write a novel? I'll just chatgpt it.

[B]

Because if you love it, you will become a. I think, I hope, like with stand up. I think, like if you. There are shortcuts, but like, if you love it, you gotta figure it out. I think kids will become obsessed with instruments or sports or anything. If you're good at something, you will pursue it.

[A]

And I hope so.

[B]

I mean, you watched probably the two best tennis players ever together yesterday yeah. What was their childhood?

[C]

They're both in the top 10. Definitely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

On track, at least to be.

[A]

And you got to see them in the flesh.

[C]

Oh, my God. It was amazing. I was like 50ft from the court. I'm so glad I hoard myself out. It was amazing.

[A]

Good. Good move.

[C]

It was amazing.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

They're so good.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

That was one of the topics. Supposed to send in topics to you guys, and one of them was about tennis. Cause I'm a huge. I play tennis. I love playing tennis. I'm pretty mediocre, but then I just feel like the average age of like, a tennis fan is like in their, like, 60s or 70s, and it's like the really high income bracket. And it. It sucks because tennis doesn't have to be that. I mean, there's tennis courts at every high school.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Every public park in America. And some of the greatest tennis players have come. Not out of the clubs like Serena, you know, out of public courts and stuff. And tennis needs that, like a rebrand. It needs a refresh. And maybe it's the way it's played or scored or something like that, but.

[B]

I think it needs a Happy Gilmore type of person because McEnroe was such a wild card that I think that appeals. You need someone who's like, kind of like personality.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[C]

Everyone is very polite these days.

[B]

You need someone who's kind of a head case. There was that woman who's kind of a head case. Oh, you know who it is? God. Who is the guy? Medvedev. He's kind of a head case. A little bit kind of fun when someone.

[C]

Nick Kyrgios is too.

[B]

But he's done, right.

[C]

I think cause of injuries. He's kind of done.

[B]

Yeah, I like the. I think you need that. Rivalries are good, but then you need. You need some color. You need some.

[C]

Here's the weirdest thing about tennis. Let's say we're the two top tennis players in the world. We just spent three weeks going up through the US Open. We played our final match, and he beat me just barely by the skin of his teeth. He beat me. And now there's 30,000 fans in the stadium. They stick a microphone in my face and give me the runner up plate, and they want me to talk for two to three minutes. There's no other sport where the loser has to talk first. Like, yeah, it was. It was a tough three weeks. And you got to pull your together and like. And yeah, Mark or Sam. Which one Are you? You know, he really played hard. And congratulations.

[B]

Happy he knew her names at all.

[C]

It's nice.

[A]

I'm Theo Vaughn. So, yeah, that's true. But it's such a sophisticated game. It has that class to it where they can do that, apparently.

[C]

But I think you're right. We need more kind of off the wall.

[A]

I think you're right.

[B]

You're also right with other sports, like basketball, they kind of just like, walk off the court, sad. And later they'll interview them, but they're like, yeah, but, yeah, I thought, well.

[C]

The winner will get a microphone for, like, 30 seconds. Yeah, we played hard. Tough, tough team, played good defense. Congrats to everyone out there. Thanks.

[B]

Blake Griffin, you know, dabbled in. Stand up a little bit, and he's a funny guy.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And he did a bit where he would. He would say, oh, we're so stupid. Athletes are so dumb. Come up here. He'd bring a guy on stage, he'd make him do a bunch of push ups, a bunch of jumping jacks, and then he would put the mic and the guy. The guy couldn't speak. He's like, yeah, not so easy, is it? He just played a whole game.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

That's why we sound stupid. It was pretty.

[A]

It was. That's cool. I like that the UFC used to.

[C]

Interview the guy that just got knocked out. They don't do that anymore.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Probably for the best.

[A]

Yeah. But, yeah, that's another great example. Ufc. It's all trash talk. It's all. It's all hype. There's not really hype in tennis.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Maybe that's what we need.

[B]

You avoided a Rihanna joke there too. I want to give Marcus flower.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

And don't talk to Rihanna.

[A]

Hey, I'm up for a post game porno interview. How'd it go? How many orgasms did your ass hurt?

[B]

Yeah, I almost cramped up at the.

[C]

End of that, but then we got going. It was pretty good.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I wish my load had been a little bit.

[B]

If you want to do this, because you got to hydrate, hydrate at home.

[A]

Yeah. Good. Gatorade. That's my new spot.

[C]

Coconut water.

[A]

Yeah. Nut you got some peeves here.

[B]

Rainey's Pets dying. That is. I mean, that's beyond a peeve. That's brutal.

[C]

Here's a hot take that's gonna really alienate everyone. And from me, they're like, oh, I thought that guy was so nice.

[A]

Can't wait. Well, let's hear it.

[C]

If you get A pet.

[A]

I have one.

[C]

It's going to die.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

And you will be sad.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

But can you be appropriately sad for the loss of a pet, knowing your pet is going to be around for 8 to 14 years?

[A]

Hmm? What do you mean appropriately?

[B]

Because, like, don't overdo it.

[C]

Wait, you're queuing up the DJ airhorn sound effect.

[B]

What is it? What the.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

But people, like, they're. There's so many people I've interacted with and like their cat, their 10 year old cat died.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, oh, can you. I'm not going to be able to make the wedding because my cat died. Or I missed a week of work because our dog died. Or I've been, I've been depressed for two months because our dog. It's like they, they die. We used to work on farms and animals just die all the time.

[A]

Right, right.

[C]

Or you'd, you'd kill, you know, the cow Bessie, and you'd eat it.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[C]

So, like, the idea of like animals.

[B]

Maybe there's people, they're eating the cow and they're like, I'm so fucking sad I'm eating this cow. You know, this is brutal.

[C]

I'm not gonna farm for two weeks because I'm having. So I just feel like people have gotten really over. They're really over the top around their pets dying. I'm sorry. And people be like, I'm just so sad my dog died. And I want to say, like, I. It's hard for me to have compassion. I'm kind of like, what did you think was gonna. I mean, of course I always say, like, I'm so sorry. They're like a family member.

[B]

But what if the dog dies like at like three because it was hit by a truck? Do they get a bigger.

[A]

That's part of the problem.

[B]

Wrong. Wrong.

[C]

Oh, no. Then, then you only had it around for three years. Are you guys in on this at all?

[A]

Well, let me, let me just say as a pet owner, can I push back?

[C]

I'm a pet. I'm a huge pet owner.

[A]

Oh, what do you got?

[C]

Yeah, I've had. My wife and I have had like eight different pit bulls and they, they die and I cry and, and I mourn. And then three, the dog fight.

[B]

You're like, look, he put up a good, put up a good fight. He did his best.

[A]

You and Michael Vick hanging out, he's actless.

[C]

But you know, you mourn, of course you're sad. I'm not saying that, but it's like your life doesn't shut down. People like, people have like, well, using nervous breakdowns.

[B]

That's. You didn't want to go to that wedding.

[A]

That's my argument. I'm using the pet death to get out of. So I might not be sad and.

[C]

Mourning, but I, but, but I've also talked to other people. Like they're. They can't get their lives back on track.

[A]

Oh, well, these are losers. I mean, these are just sad weirdos. Yeah. But I will.

[C]

Then we have a nation of sad weirdos because this is a very common thing.

[A]

That's true. That's true. Well, people are lonely.

[B]

Yeah. I think you're allowed to be sad, but I think there's a limit. Yes, you can't.

[C]

But what a great way. You get a five year old girl and you get a puppy and it's a great way. Are you gonna. Someone's gonna put in a joke about what's his name?

[A]

Reap. I missed it. Shit.

[C]

Reap. Almost sounds like ra Reap.

[A]

Whistle.

[C]

It's an opportunity to statory reap. It's. Isn't it an opportunity for a lesson about death?

[A]

Kind of like. Yeah, sure, sure.

[C]

In, hey, in eight to 14 years, little, you know, sassy fluffy pants is gonna, is gonna die.

[A]

Yeah. You know, like that's how life works.

[C]

It's. Yeah.

[A]

That's why we do dog years. Because you go, oh, he was 78. Yeah. Yeah, right. He wasn't. He was, he was nine.

[C]

He was just nine.

[A]

That's it. Okay. That's a good one. I love your hot takes and I like that.

[B]

It's a, it's a bold piece.

[A]

Yeah. You're willing to go for it.

[C]

It's bold. And get some pushback.

[A]

Okay. Your second peeve. You like kids sexually. That's a hot to know.

[B]

Okay, the new phrase, welcome in.

[C]

Everyone, everywhere you go, they say welcome in.

[A]

Do you notice this at a restaurant or something?

[C]

Yeah, restaurants, but not just restaurants. Like you go in the, like the airport lounge. Like, welcome in. Welcome in. Everything is welcome in. And you go, no, I went to Champs shoe store. They said welcome in. It's like, don't. I don't. Don't welcome me in here.

[B]

I went to the abortion clinic. They said welcome in.

[C]

You haven't noticed that?

[A]

Now that you say it, you're right.

[B]

It sounds like it's something I've heard, but. Yeah, I guess I haven't even picked up on it.

[C]

It drives me crazy. I think it's been this corporate mandate of welcome in. And anyway, I had a waitress the.

[A]

Other day at a Mexican restaurant, and she kept saying, like, she would bring your water and she'd go, enjoy. And you're like, okay, thank you. Then she bring your food, enjoy. Which all makes sense, but I was like, she's saying, enjoy after everything. It's almost like a tick. So me and my wife are sitting there, and I'm a psycho. My wife's like, let it go. Drop it. I'm like, I'm just curious. So then I go, hey, what's the. What's the. It's cold out today, huh? She goes, oh, yeah, cold out. Enjoy. And I go, ah, you just. You just thought, oh, you're a robot on the loop.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So then my wife divorced me. But the point is, I caught her.

[C]

And she hooked up with Dwight Fruit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Only comedians could be annoyed by someone. Be like, enjoy. Like, oh, you gotta mix this.

[A]

I knew it was a rote.

[B]

How dare you tell me to enjoy my food.

[A]

I appreciate. But she gave me the check and she said, enjoy the check.

[B]

You don't enjoy a pack.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's. Don't enjoy. Yeah. All right. What do you got on the third one here?

[C]

Well, this is an obvious one, but, you know, I live in la. I used to live in New York. I lived in New York for 13 years. And then coming back here, like, people using their phones on the New York sidewalks and subways, but also, like, the number of conversations happening on speakerphone.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[C]

Like, it's. They're here. You can hear like, they're like, yeah, well, she said she was gonna be there at 4. And you're like, oh, Aunt Connie is coming over at that time. And like, they're what? Like, how does this serve anyone? There's no ear pods. And it like. But the street noise, like. But that's the go to. Like it. Also, phones also work like this, right?

[B]

No one does it anymore.

[C]

No one does that anymore.

[B]

I'll do it occasionally. You know what? I like doing it sometimes. So people like. You're just like, okay, I'm on the phone. You know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Because if you have the headphones in and you're like, yeah, what's up to someone. You run into someone.

[A]

Good point.

[B]

You seem rude. But if you're clearly on the phone, they let you.

[A]

They don't. They don't bother you on the phone, Right? That's true.

[B]

The headphones can mean anything. If you listen to a podcast, you're like, why didn't that person.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[C]

But the. This, the speakerphone and that. And the other day, I was like. I got on an elevator, and the guy was talking on. On the speakerphone. It was just me and him in the elevator, and it was like it was continuing. And then I kind of looked at him, and he looked at me, and he was like, oh, sorry. And then he just turned it down. He turned it down like 20%. I was like, oh, thanks.

[A]

Yeah, I was just at a diner in Ohio, not bragging, and I'm in there waiting at the. Like, the. You know, please wait here to be helped by the hostess. And a lady comes in to pick up a takeout order, and she's on the FaceTime. So she walks in. Ding, ding ling. I know, right? That cut me off. But I said, yeah, papa, I had the. The double egg burger, whatever, whatever. And they're like, oh, here it is. She's like, thank you. So I'm like, you can't cut the call off for six seconds to get the takeout order.

[B]

It's never an important call. No, it's a gossip call. It's a gossip on surgery. I know. Yeah. Thank you so much.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

And you're like, okay, okay.

[A]

Right, My pet.

[B]

He said that? That's crazy. Yeah, it's. It's insane.

[C]

Now, could you. As a way of getting back at these folks is could you just start singing, like, show tunes or something?

[A]

I guess so. Yeah. Just bring a microphone in.

[C]

Just. Someone's on that thing now. Midnight. Not a sound like you just like, good voice. Hey.

[A]

And then they would look at you and go, what the hell?

[C]

I sing a little bit.

[B]

That wasn't bad.

[A]

Let's do the Masked Singer.

[C]

I fake it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

The Masked Singer.

[A]

That's a big show. Just saying.

[C]

How much does it pay scale?

[A]

No, but it gets, you know, 80 million views or whatever.

[B]

No, it doesn't.

[A]

I pull it up. Million Pull up Anne Hathaway singing.

[C]

If I was Hathaway.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

Oh, he's. He's no slouch.

[C]

If I was on the Singer, I would want to be the dildo, you know, because it's always like the. The celery and the. And the.

[A]

I've never watched it has.

[C]

They have phone masks on.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[C]

That are like, big characters.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's like the gimp mask singer. Good one.

[A]

27 million. Okay.

[B]

That's big, though.

[C]

So wait a minute.

[B]

So it's. Anne Hathaway was under a mask.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait a minute. This is different. Oh, I had the wrong guy. Gal. Somebody big was on it. All right, we gotta.

[B]

We gotta wrap it up because you gotta go. But Soul Boom is the podcast.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna check it out, dude. I need. I need to get in touch with myself.

[C]

Yeah, there's some. We got some. We've got some great comics on there too.

[A]

Rick Glassman.

[C]

Yeah, Rick Glassman is talking about Helms. Yeah. And Pete Holmes.

[A]

Casey Neistat. I love that guy. Berbiglia.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice. All right, we'll check it out.

[C]

Yeah. Much sensitive whites on.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

We call it sensitive whites.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like my laundry. Well, we'll go give it a check. It's awesome to meet you, man.

[C]

And check out. You guys, check out code three, please.

[B]

Yeah, check out.

[A]

Yes, yes, of course.

[C]

September.

[B]

We gotta get Lil Rel on here too, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, get Rel.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[C]

He's. He's the best. He's got. He's got a fascinating story too.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's.

[B]

We've known him forever.

[C]

Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah.

[A]

That'll be out of September 21st. Sorry.

[C]

Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure.

[A]

Hey, this is nice.

[B]

This is fun, man.

[C]

And they're not driving drunk.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Good.

[C]

I know you gotta go, but is this three separate photo shoots? This, this, and this? Yes.

[A]

Dang.

[C]

It's pretty shitty Photoshop. Honestly.

[A]

He shoots kids. He knows. He knows everything.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that.

[B]

Awesome, dude.

[A]

All right. All right. Soul Boom. Code 3. Check it out and we'll see at the Open next year. Thank you.

[B]

Literally one of the most iconic TV characters ever. 100 and a cool guy, man. That. I mean. I mean, the Office is so fucking iconic.

[A]

Huge. One of the biggest comedies ever. And we had the big Kramer episode or the Kramer character.

[B]

Dwight Schrute, man. Iconic.

[A]

Iconic.

[B]

And I mean, that's one of the all time shows, but he's right. We do need more comedies. But he's here.

[A]

Here.

[B]

Rochester Comedy at the Carlson all weekend, baby. Fun Club in Rochester, New York. Chicago theater, Oct. 4. Can't wait. Winnipeg the next night at a Club Regent Event center. It's gonna be a good one. Then Riyadh, Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin. November 14th through 16th. My second time in Salt Lake. Motherfucking city.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait. Second time this year, baby. Reno, Nevada, November 29th, two shows and Carnegie Hall. December 4th. New York City. Tickets today, baby.

[A]

Yeehaw. All right, folks, I will be in San Jose make update this weekend. Then Boulder, Colorado. We got three shows. We're shooting the special here. Come on out. It's a taping. Let's go. Big Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Athens, Oslo, Helsinki, Stockholm and Dublin. Vicar street, one of my favorite venues on the whole planet. It Valley Center, California, at the Harrahs, Baltimore, Timonium, Magoobies, come on out. Two shows already sold out. Rochester coming back to Kodak, Niagara Falls, San Diego and Prior Lake, Minnesota, at a casino. So all the Minnesota queefs that have been yapping, come on by.

[B]

Love you guys. Drink some bodega cat whiskey. Listen, Rain's podcast and we love you guys.

[A]

Yeah, thanks for everything.

[B]

Comedy Sunday's the day for my next benders.

[A]

A bit of piva wreck, you know, the fear.

[C]

Jew's close. I've had a little too much burping.

[A]

And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the.

[C]

Cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling.

[A]

Dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like.

[C]

I remember her and I get down.

[A]

In the same way we might be true.