Ep 251: Dan Soder & Greg Stone

Summary

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We Might Be Drunk Ep. 251: Dan Soder & Greg Stone

Release Date: September 29, 2025
Hosts: Sam Morril & Mark Normand
Guests: Dan Soder, Greg Stone

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Episode Overview

This episode marks a milestone for the podcast ("Congrats on 250 episodes!" - Dan Soder, 00:06) with a classic hang: comics riffing on each other's lives, careers, and absurdities in the comedy world, all while reminiscing about their early days, discussing nostalgia, dissecting wild NYC moments, and trading stories about toys, club gigs, and legendary comics. Alongside the humor, the conversation dives into darker, more reflective territory about death, New York trauma, the strangeness of internet culture, and fleeting moments from their careers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kumail Nanjiani, Ripped Celebs, and Christ’s Workout Routine (00:10 – 01:00)

• The pod opens with banter about Kumail Nanjiani's physical transformation and the unrealistic expectations around male beauty.
• They riff on Jesus’ physique and comedic takes on religious icons needing workout tapes.
  • Quote: "Christ was on anabolic steroids. And that's why it's all shredded. That's why it's 4% body fat." – Dan Soder (00:39)

2. Comedian Lore: Ted Alexandro, Comedy in Queens, and Manifestos (01:01 – 02:30)

• Homage to Queens comedy legend Ted Alexandro, musings about comics retreating to the woods, and the fine line between 'making it' and 'Unabomber vibes.'
• Discussion of the Unabomber (Ted Kaczynski), his brother turning him in, and failed high school attempts at impressing women with explosives.

3. NYC Rats, Cat Behavior, and Growing Up in the City (03:00 – 07:00)

• Anecdotes about massive New York City rats and exterminators who resemble hockey enforcers.
  • Quote: "If there was a rat NBA, they're being recruited out of New York." – Dan Soder (05:01)
• Tangent about minor league sports movies (“Slap Shot”), and the bizarre mix of grit and nostalgia in their childhood obsessions.

4. Action Figure Obsessions & Toy Nostalgia (11:19 – 15:17; 20:03 – 26:18)

• Deep dive into childhood action figure collections; Star Wars, DC, Ninja Turtles, wrestling, and collecting as a thread to adult fidgeting or anxiety.
  • Quote: “I think you want something in your hand. It is the same reason you smoke.” – Sam Morril (12:06)
• Stretch Armstrong, Gak, and Creepy Crawlers are discussed with hilarious admissions of "eating the inside" (Mark) and how Gak prepared their generation for adult life.
  • Quote: “It was prepping us for cum.” – Dan Soder (14:51)
• Greg Stone joins and critiques the Marvel Legends line, leading to more nerd-heavy, self-deprecating jokes.

5. Comedy Festival Stories & Agent Woes (21:31 – 25:12)

• Tales from Montreal's Just For Laughs and JFL Chicago festivals: drinking, bombing meetings, and the pipe dreams of development deals.
  • Quote: “By the time we got up there, they go, Paradigm might sign you! ...I don't know, maybe we can go halvesies on a breakfast.” – Dan Soder (21:31)
• The harsh realities of industry churn, agents quitting, and how the business has changed for newer comics.

6. Hell Gigs in Long Island & Dealing with Rowdy Crowds (25:16 – 28:32)

• War stories from tough rooms like Belmore Brokerage and Maguire’s, and which comics (“Veeder, Tim Dillon”) could handle the chaos.
• The art of crowd work and adapting to regional audiences.

7. Comedy Memories: Comedy Central Presents, Nostalgia, and Old Specials (29:01 – 33:18)

• Debate on the disappearance (and digital return) of classic Comedy Central Presents specials.
  • Quote: "Where's that Comedy Central be smart? Go like, hey, we're going to bring it back... then everyone would get wild about it." – Dan Soder (30:06)
• Waxing nostalgic about specific comedy specials, elaborate themed sets, and how things got “cheapened” by digital production.

8. Aging, Hangovers, and Early Career Struggles (33:18 – 41:00)

• Self-deprecating humor about “aging fast” in comedy and what the lifestyle does to you.
• Real talk on handling hangovers, failed remedies (“charcoal pills—not working”), and the ritual of greasy food post-drinking.
  • Quote: "The only move is just pig out on like pizza, burger…" – Mark Normand (39:12)

9. Infamous Bits, Early ‘Hit Singles’, and ‘Cancel Culture’ (40:20 – 43:09)

• Reminiscing about first killer jokes, bit evolution, and how some don’t age well.
• The reality of out-of-context ‘comedy hate videos’ and the economics for online critics.
  • Quote: “They just want one of those guys to admit: Thank God you did something weird because now I get paid.” – Mark Normand (42:28)

10. Dark NYC Tales: Death, Scaffolding, and Grizzly Realities (48:47 – 57:13)

• Morbid (but funny) stories about seeing dead bodies, deaths in hospitals (Greg), and wild incidents witnessed in New York.
  • Quote: "I watched his soul come out of his mouth on the elevator with me, first day on the job." – Greg Stone (50:30)
• Explore how accidents, suicides, and infamous city mishaps (falling bricks, ACs) become part of New York lore.

11. Random Tangents: Lemon Party, Rotten.com, and Internet Scars (43:09 – 48:38)

• Brief but classic detour into infamous internet shock sites (lemonparty, Rotten.com, Faces of Death), highlighting both the trauma and comedy of encountering these as kids.

12. End of an Era, Chest Hair, and Shaving Mishaps (66:00 – 68:07)

• The group ends with the lighter side of male grooming—who can pull off a V-neck, chest hair envy and accidental shaving disasters.
  • Quote: “You ever seen a dog when they get a haircut too short? That’s the energy.” – Dan Soder (67:25)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• "Testosterone juice killed Christ." – Dan Soder (00:30)
• “If you see a 6’4” guy walking down 3rd Avenue with that voice – he knows Qui-Gon.” – Mark Normand on Dan Soder’s Star Wars trivia (10:33)
• “I got a suede jacket. Kills.” – Mark Normand, plugging Quince, while reminiscing about podcast sponsors (35:25)
• “I watched his soul come out of his mouth on the elevator with me, my first day on the job.” – Greg Stone, on death in the hospital (50:30)
• "Lemon party was a little more fun. It was upbeat because you go, ‘ew’, but also funny.” – Mark Normand and Dan Soder, discussing internet legends (43:16)
• "It was prepping us for cum." – Dan Soder, on Gak (14:51)
• “The only move is just pig out on like pizza burger.” – Mark Normand, on hangovers (39:12)
• “Those old men were like, well, no one will ever find out. No, Reginald’s gonna take a picture, and it’s just for us.” – Dan Soder on the mystery of Lemonparty (45:06)
• “You ever seen a dog when they get a haircut too short? That’s the energy.” – Dan Soder (67:25)
• "Have you tried chasing him off a cliff? He’ll stay in the air for a while, but eventually he’ll drop." – Greg Stone, pitching cartoon logic for Castro assassination attempts (63:53)
• “The only good thing he ever did. Arguably, the only good thing my dad ever did.” – Dan Soder, about his dad hiding a Batman figure for him (14:09)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:06 – 01:00: Opening banter, Kumail’s “hotness,” Christ’s abs
• 01:02 – 02:40: Ted Alexandro, Astoria comedy roots, Unabomber inside jokes
• 03:00 – 06:00: NYC rats, exterminator stories, Slap Shot movie nostalgia
• 11:19 – 15:17: Action figure collections, Gak, toy nostalgia peaks
• 21:31 – 25:12: Montreal comedy fests, agent mishaps
• 25:16 – 28:32: Tough Long Island rooms: Reputation and recovery
• 29:01 – 33:18: Comedy Central Presents, how comedy special production has changed
• 39:12 – 41:00: Hangover cures, self-care failures
• 43:09 – 45:45: Lemon party, Rotten.com, Faces of Death retrospectives
• 48:47 – 57:13: NYC sudden-death stories, accidental deaths, falling bricks/AC units
• 66:00 – 68:07: Chest hair, V-necks, shaving comedy
• 68:53 – End: Plugs, jokes about rushing to Penn Station, closing laughter

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Summary Tone and Style

The conversation is fast, riff-heavy, and packed with in-group references and bleak NYC wit. The mood jumps from dark (suicides, deaths, grizzly city mishaps) to absurd and nostalgic (toys, internet pranks, failed hangover cures), always swinging back to the camaraderie and shared absurdity of the stand-up grind.

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Guests’ Contributions

• Dan Soder: Stories from the old NYC scene, action figure and nostalgia rants, reflective about career arc and comedy changes.
• Greg Stone: Hospital tales, action figure knowledge, and interjects with dry, sly humor.
• Mark Normand & Sam Morril: Keep energy up, provide cynical punchlines, drive nostalgia, and steer discussion toward both the personal and absurd.

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Final Thoughts

For fans of inside baseball comedy talk, New York war stories, and darkly funny reflections on growing older (and odder) in stand-up, this episode is densely packed with laughs, jaw-dropping stories, and the comfort of comics making each other (and listeners) feel less alone in the weirdness.

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Transcript

[Dan Soder]

Hey, congratulations on 250 episodes, everybody.

[Mark Normand]

That's a quiet.

[Dan Soder]

Me and my friend Kumail Nanjiani came by.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I've shrunken him.

[Mark Normand]

Man, he's hot now. It's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

So hot. That jaw. I know.

[Mark Normand]

Almost feels like he had work done.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, the guy with hair? Tits. I can't be foggy, you think? I think it might be just the juice. Dude, that might be the roids.

[Mark Normand]

It's sucking it back.

[Dan Soder]

Testosterone juice killed Christ. It did. Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

No Jews in the building.

[Dan Soder]

Christ was on anabolic steroids. And that's why it looks so good. That's why it's all shredded. That's why it's 4% body fat.

[Sam Morril]

Ted Alexandro. Classic Ted joke. Oh, yeah, because he needs those. Jesus needs his own workout video. Body of Christ.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That's what you want out of a savior. Because have you seen Buddha? Sloppy. Vintage Ted.

[Dan Soder]

Tim's the man.

[Sam Morril]

I love Ted.

[Dan Soder]

Ted, Tim. Well, what a shitty. What a stoner thing. My friend Marty, he's like. His name is Marvin. You're like, fuck. Alexandra. Fucking rules. Astoria legend. He. I think he was there before everyone else. I think he was like that. One of the OG Astoria people.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's right. That's why he's a Queens guy, born and raised. Yeah. So he was actually living at home.

[Sam Morril]

Now he's in the woods.

[Mark Normand]

Is he.

[Dan Soder]

That's the way to go. I bet he's got a great beard.

[Mark Normand]

He does. Either I made it. I'm living in, like, a giant cabin on the. On the. On the lake, or. You're a Unabomber.

[Dan Soder]

It's the ultimate happiness or the ultimate sadness.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

There's nothing like, I'm content or the world must pay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I know nothing from the world, or I have a manifesto.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I need to put my thumbprint on the world.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And make. I mean, Kaczynski had some good points. He really. He's a very smart guy. He wasn't, right?

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Dan Soder]

You read his, and you go. He kind of called technology taking over.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

And that's what got turned in by his own brother.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

His brother.

[Dan Soder]

His brother did it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What was his brother's name? Like, Mike Kaczynski.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. What was his brother?

[Dan Soder]

David Kaczynski.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the nerd.

[Dan Soder]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Snitch.

[Dan Soder]

They grown up in Chicago, Kasnitsky. I know you guys aren't gonna believe this, but my brother Ted is in the woods blowing up. He's sending bombs to profus professors well, there's a story.

[Sam Morril]

Trying to impress a girl, and he gives her this, like, little. When they're in high school, he gave her some. You could look this up. Some little type of thing that, like, exploded to, like, show off to her. And it's like, yeah, that's not how you get.

[Dan Soder]

Dude. I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

My point is, it didn't work for him or he wouldn't have been the Unabomber.

[Mark Normand]

I'm just saying.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that is true.

[Sam Morril]

He was getting.

[Dan Soder]

If he. I mean, imagine if it was, though. Imagine if that's why he went down. The Unabomber thing is because he was getting so much pussy for, like, a dude. I don't know. Dude. I said a bomb in the mail. Next thing you know, I'm getting sucked off.

[Mark Normand]

She's like, can you use the vibrators? Like, I don't trust technology.

[Dan Soder]

They're in there. Yeah, I'll make my own. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Look at that.

[Dan Soder]

Do you have a lawn mower and a dildo? Look at this.

[Sam Morril]

As a child, he once played a prank on a female classmate. Involving a harmless exploding device, which they both found amusing. I don't know if that's true, though.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Dan Soder]

Which they both found.

[Mark Normand]

Half her face.

[Dan Soder]

She goes.

[Sam Morril]

By the way.

[Dan Soder]

By the way. Can we look at that?

[Sam Morril]

Can we look into that as a red flag for potential fucking hazard later in life?

[Dan Soder]

No, no, no.

[Sam Morril]

A child making explosives.

[Mark Normand]

What happened to flowers?

[Dan Soder]

It's kind of like when a cat leaves a mouse at your door. Oh, this is bad. But also, you could be dangerous. Yeah, but you could be very. I can't let you in the house. You're very, very dangerous.

[Mark Normand]

They kill mice for fun.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Not even like a eating thing.

[Dan Soder]

They just want to knock them around.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, evil.

[Dan Soder]

My dad's roommate's cat would bring muskrats from the lake.

[Sam Morril]

How big are we talking?

[Dan Soder]

Very big. Like, the size of the cat. It would be like if I killed a man and brought it to Katie and was like, you know, I had a rat.

[Mark Normand]

He brought veeder.

[Dan Soder]

I killed Vita, put it down at my front door. You said you. What?

[Sam Morril]

You had a rat.

[Dan Soder]

You had a rat in your house or in your fucking crew? Who ratted on you? Who was the fucking rat?

[Mark Normand]

It was DeVito.

[Dan Soder]

I knew it.

[Mark Normand]

That's Skunk.

[Dan Soder]

Son of a bitch.

[Sam Morril]

The is it I'm finding in your apartment? Yeah. Dude.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, no way.

[Sam Morril]

We did a whole fucking episode.

[Dan Soder]

Nope.

[Mark Normand]

You wait till you see the size of this fucker.

[Sam Morril]

It's plump.

[Dan Soder]

They're so big.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He's leaving the droppings.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, they just have size poop everywhere.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Well, I'll walk my dog and one will go by. And Myrtle will be like, I'm gonna kill that. You're like, I don't want you to get involved with that.

[Sam Morril]

You don't want to fuck with her ass. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

City rat.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I'm sending it to you, Peter.

[Mark Normand]

You know, you go to Denmark and you're like, everybody's tall here. Yeah, but the rats are, like, in New York.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. If there was a rat NBA, they're being recruited out of New York.

[Mark Normand]

This is it.

[Dan Soder]

A good lineman, you go to Ohio, like, Nebraska. You want a big rat, go to New York City.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

San Francisco, I bet. Got some big rats.

[Mark Normand]

Y. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Big, big gay rat community.

[Dan Soder]

The rat houses, the bath. The rat bath houses.

[Sam Morril]

That's how Castro. He's a Castro rat.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, we just spread viruses by smearing our. That's in your house.

[Sam Morril]

Had exterminators come by with hockey sticks.

[Dan Soder]

Got him.

[Sam Morril]

Beat his ass to death.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

True story.

[Sam Morril]

I. They come by with hockey sticks. You see black dudes with hockey sticks.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Watch out.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. They're not in the Ottawa Senators. All right.

[Dan Soder]

Anyway, that's how they did it.

[Sam Morril]

They showed. I had two guys come before the third guy comes with hockey sticks. I've told this.

[Dan Soder]

What are they, Hanson brothers?

[Mark Normand]

I know. That's what I said.

[Sam Morril]

That's my favorite scene in fucking Slap Shot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The Hanson brothers come in and just start beating the shit out of everybody.

[Dan Soder]

That would be a funny way, though, if you hired, like, Hanson brother Exterminators. And they're all wearing chief's jerseys, hockey jersey. And they come with, like, funny glasses. And then they go, well, we beat the rats to death.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the hockey stick.

[Sam Morril]

When the guy in the movie goes, these kids are a fucking disgrace.

[Dan Soder]

Great. I watched that. I watched that movie on, like, a UPN on, like, a Sunday morning when I was like, nine. And I was like, this movie. It just. It was one of those movies where you watch on cable and you go, I can't turn the movie off. Paul Newman obviously making me go there.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Love a down and out sports movie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But you're right.

[Sam Morril]

Minor league sports is. Is something special because it's.

[Dan Soder]

They love toys. They were, like, brained.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. And it had grit to it. The movie was nasty.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They beat the shit out of people.

[Sam Morril]

I leave the house, though, because I was going, I do Joel Wachowski's Basketball game on Sundays.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And I go out. Yeah, dude. But I go out. But I. He goes, I got it. He sends me that picture of the dead rat within fucking 10, 15 minutes. And. And I wrote, you found him dead? And he wrote, I made him dead.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That's cool.

[Sam Morril]

And then.

[Dan Soder]

And then that's like a Liam Neeson line.

[Sam Morril]

It's pretty badass. I was pretty pleased banging Pamela.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Good for him.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Good for her. Happy also, giant dick.

[Sam Morril]

Huge, enormous.

[Dan Soder]

So Tommy Lee's got nothing to stand on anymore.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I could stand on one leg.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. On it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He's got a kickstand.

[Dan Soder]

But it is. If you're Liam Neeson and you run into him, you go, the only man who could have a larger than you is me. In her older age, she's not as stretchy, but she knows how to make it work.

[Mark Normand]

And she's taking it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, she loves it. It makes me very happy.

[Sam Morril]

That's a two Viagra dick. Probably at 73. You need an extra boost to get it up.

[Dan Soder]

73, I think though. But him in new love since his wife died.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Tragic.

[Dan Soder]

Tragic.

[Sam Morril]

Apparently.

[Dan Soder]

You know he like swore it wasn't over. Yeah, he was like swore it off for like 12 or 16 years. Like every. He swore off, I think pretty publicly ever being in a relationship again. And then Pam Anderson in her. And by the way, since her documentary has came out, since she's embraced being who she is. I love it.

[Sam Morril]

I dated someone who banged him.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't ask about the dick because we all know the co star of.

[Dan Soder]

Rob Roy when he took her on that rock.

[Mark Normand]

Beth Stelling him.

[Dan Soder]

That's crazy. No, but all the bits.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. So now when I watch Schindler's List, I'm even sadder. There we go. All right.

[Dan Soder]

For just five more Jews. I could have not. I could have not.

[Mark Normand]

Sam's ex girlfriend.

[Dan Soder]

Are you dating S. She told me.

[Sam Morril]

They met on a. On a flight and yeah, they went on three days. She said he was a lovely guy.

[Dan Soder]

And that sucks.

[Mark Normand]

Is he was Scottish or Irish?

[Dan Soder]

He's Irish.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

I believe he's Irish.

[Mark Normand]

We don't want him to kill.

[Dan Soder]

Big Rangers fan.

[Sam Morril]

He's in a lot of the Rangers games.

[Dan Soder]

He's just all around. Seems awesome. 73 years old, born in 52 and he is so good at naked from Ireland. He's from Northern Ireland where the troubles were.

[Mark Normand]

The troubles.

[Dan Soder]

Fine.

[Sam Morril]

He was not pleased with how they killed him off in Star Wars.

[Dan Soder]

Oh.

[Sam Morril]

He was like, I'm A Jedi. It's a weak death.

[Dan Soder]

I keep talking about this. My thing that I watch on the road are, like, YouTube videos of. Of movies. What they were supposed to be or why they didn't get made. It's just. That's my algorithm.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And so I love it. And so there was a thing about Qui Gon Jinn originally. I'm sorry if you've seen me say this on another podcast, because I just said it on another one. I can't remember what. But originally, Qui Gon Jinn was Ewan McGregor and Obi Wan was Liam Neeson. And the whole point is Liam Neeson's character gets Obi Wan gets killed, and then Qui Gon takes the Obi Wan name to then train as, like, homage. Because Obi Wan was like, the great teacher. And, you know, I mean, so he's like, I'll become Obi Wan now.

[Sam Morril]

Like Mad Men, Don Draper, Dick Whitman.

[Mark Normand]

Shit.

[Dan Soder]

Right, Exactly. So, but that's how they had it, and then they changed it. But originally it was supposed to be Ewan McGregor was qui gon Jinn. And then at the end of the movie, he becomes Obi Wan in, like, this big scene where he's like, I'll be Obi Wan.

[Sam Morril]

Then it would be, like, confusing if you're like, well, which one's Obi Wan? Like, which one's.

[Dan Soder]

What's the real one? Well, they said that's why in Star Wars A New Hope, there's a. The first one. Yeah, the very first Star wars, there's a moment where they say Obi Wan Kenobi. And he goes, that's a name I haven't heard in a very long time. And it was supposed to be a reference to the thought that he wasn't really Obi Wan. He was quite.

[Mark Normand]

This is why you can't judge a book. You see this 6, 4 guy walking down 3rd Avenue with that voice. He knows. Qui Gon.

[Dan Soder]

You guys want to talk Episode one? You know, Georgia Binks really got a bad rap when you think about it.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, our next liquor, Qui Gon Jinn.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah. If you think George Lucas won't get up your about that.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. He's very litigious, your guys'. Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

A little season desist.

[Mark Normand]

He'll take us to the Jar Jar Bank.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, dude, he will. Yeah, you guys will get quite. Oh, look at that. But it was still fun.

[Mark Normand]

Damn it.

[Dan Soder]

Did someone actually make it? No. Maybe show Photoshop.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Qui Gon. All right. Shit.

[Dan Soder]

Well, you don't want to get in the Star wars fucking merch game?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Dan Soder]

Crushed.

[Mark Normand]

No, no. I do have all the toys, though. I collected every figure this. The seventies figures I have.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Like the original one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Even during Katrina, they were untouched. I was lucky. Our basement got flooded. But somehow the Star Wars. They're in a giant Darth Vader flip out thing, you know, with little. Little.

[Dan Soder]

Those are ones that you could. I didn't know you. I didn't know you were actually figure guy.

[Mark Normand]

I was a action figure guy. Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

I was like wrestling.

[Dan Soder]

How long though?

[Mark Normand]

That's it. That's the Darth Vader thing. And it's all full.

[Dan Soder]

I remember one of my friends having that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was big.

[Dan Soder]

I was an action figure guy. And, you know, we got a buddy, but we got a buddy. That's. That's a huge action figure guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I was too late. I did it too late. That was the smoking cigarettes thing. I loved him. I just loved. They're fun figures. I loved getting a new figure. I loved, like, anxiety too.

[Sam Morril]

I think you want something in your hand. It is the same reason you smoke.

[Dan Soder]

It really is. You just graduate to it.

[Greg Stone]

My.

[Dan Soder]

What were your figures? Mine were Ninja Turtles wrestling and X Men.

[Sam Morril]

I was. I was wrestling.

[Dan Soder]

I was. I was all about wrestling. I would say if I'm. If I'm ranking them, it went wrestling X Men, turtles. But I was real big into the turtles.

[Mark Normand]

The Turtles ones were great because they got the squishy head, the non squishy head. You got the toys the size and.

[Dan Soder]

Nunchucks with the weapons. They also had. My dad bought me the van. I had all the Hasbro. I mean, dude, I had a ring full of those guys.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Everyone that's pictured, I had damn natural disasters, Typhoon and earthquake down there.

[Mark Normand]

I was a D.C. guy. I have all the Aquaman, the Batman, Superman.

[Dan Soder]

One of the original Super Friends toys. Yes, I have those with like the cloth cape.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. And they had a little.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. The ring around her neck.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Those were my favorite.

[Dan Soder]

It was the. The original Justice League ones from the 80s. There it is right there.

[Mark Normand]

That's it, baby.

[Dan Soder]

See, the Batman is from the movie, but the superheroes one right there to the left, those are like OG Zoom in on that childhood.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, same, same.

[Dan Soder]

That is my childhood DC guy. Yeah. DC through and through. Love Batman.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

That's Robin. Little twink.

[Dan Soder]

Batman's on the side.

[Sam Morril]

Look at it. Look at the legs. What are we doing here?

[Dan Soder]

The Batman right there is actually. That's from the original Movie.

[Mark Normand]

The movie, yeah. With Michael Keaton.

[Dan Soder]

My dad, one of the only good things he ever did. That's Bob.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Which was a reference that Joe, Listen, I made for 20 years doing stand up, where we'd be going on stage. I go, bob, you're my number one man. Yes, we do that all the time. But my dad, we went to a toy store when I was spending a weekend with my dad when he still lived in Denver, and he bought me Bob and the Joker. And I was like, oh, a Batman. He's like, buddy, they're out of Batman. And I was like, it was one of those lessons where, like, I'll just be grateful that I got Bob and.

[Mark Normand]

The Joker, got two for one.

[Dan Soder]

And then we went and got in his car. He hid the Batman.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, the best.

[Dan Soder]

One of the best review. I mean, the only good thing he ever did. Arguably, the only good thing he ever did.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Sam Morril]

That's a nice little.

[Dan Soder]

Sneaking a toy on a kid. It's pretty sick. I just sent my cousin's daughter a switch, too. Out of nowhere.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Sneaking a digit.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But. Yeah. Where does he get those wonderful toys?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's great.

[Sam Morril]

How about Stretch Armstrong? That was a good one.

[Dan Soder]

That was great. To destroy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

See if you could break it with your friends.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. I ate the inside once.

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Big mistake. I tasted it.

[Dan Soder]

You cut it open and ate that like blood. The blood of Stretch.

[Mark Normand]

Too curious.

[Sam Morril]

How about Creepy Crawlers?

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Dan Soder]

Remember Gak?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I love. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That had a moment.

[Dan Soder]

It was prepping us for come.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, just like, come. I'd throw it on a girl. Hey.

[Dan Soder]

On your tits.

[Sam Morril]

Then I'd say sorry and get a washcloth.

[Mark Normand]

If she liked it, you're like, hey.

[Dan Soder]

She apologizes. Five minutes later, you want to throw it back on her?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Gak was fun because you could do this with your thumb and then go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Make the noise.

[Sam Morril]

It was prep for a vagina.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Listen, they were getting you ready. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They were grooming. Nickelodeon was grooming.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, they were.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. All the ways.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That was a good time.

[Dan Soder]

It was so fun. And then did your middle school science class. Do you ever make your own gak?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Dan Soder]

In chemistry.

[Mark Normand]

No. No.

[Dan Soder]

You did that one year. They're really. You were gonna make your own gak? And everyone was like, oh. And I was like, I've been making my own gak. At night in my bedroom, I've been making my own gak. To a. A couple Rolling Stone pictures of Britney Spears.

[Sam Morril]

What's the worst thing you dissected.

[Mark Normand]

We had the frog and the pig.

[Dan Soder]

I never mean. Yeah, we did the frog. That's all we did. It was so funny.

[Sam Morril]

It's like a feral cat.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa. He's a New Yorker.

[Sam Morril]

It was up.

[Mark Normand]

What? Surprised you didn't do a pigeon.

[Dan Soder]

That's the most New Yorker I've ever heard.

[Mark Normand]

It was awful.

[Dan Soder]

Stink's been on my fire escape for a month. We're going to see how its lungs work.

[Mark Normand]

Next week we'll do a Puerto Rican.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going to.

[Mark Normand]

Was it still alive? He just. Ready.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you guys ready for science? Just pulls it out, takes a hockey stick. Shut up.

[Mark Normand]

That's a cat.

[Sam Morril]

It was like a fair. It was like a really gross.

[Dan Soder]

Did they warn you?

[Mark Normand]

Did they skin it? It's too furry.

[Sam Morril]

It was really gross.

[Dan Soder]

I wonder if they're warning you, because kids have cats as pets.

[Sam Morril]

I hated it.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

I remember we had a project, this teacher, and she. We had to, like, solve it using DNA. And we all got our separate ones. And I realized. I was like. This was right when I realized I could cheat. I Googled the story that she created that I had to solve using DNA. And I just found the ending online. And I completely cheated, but I was like. And that's how I had to make up. I couldn't figure out the DNA, so I just had to make up the thing for the whole class. And she gave me a dirty look. She. She knew it didn't happen.

[Mark Normand]

She knew.

[Sam Morril]

She knew, but she couldn't call me on it because could call her for plagiarism.

[Dan Soder]

She's like the prosecutor, the dirty cop. And she goes, I know you want this case in the black, but God damn it.

[Sam Morril]

But she couldn't call me on it because I could have called her out for plagiarizing, being lazy.

[Dan Soder]

That's really funny.

[Sam Morril]

So I got the fucking A.

[Dan Soder]

That's really funny. Also.

[Sam Morril]

I plagiarized.

[Dan Soder]

It's really awesome to think that they put all these kids in the position of murder police.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Sam Morril]

Kids go, I pulled a Columbo. I turned back. There's one thing that bothered me about that DNA.

[Mark Normand]

Miss.

[Dan Soder]

Ms. G. One more thing. When you came in, you said we had to solve, but you don't have Google. Columbo, your teacher's so funny.

[Mark Normand]

And anything with DNA is already weird. Like, we found Gak in the anal cavity.

[Dan Soder]

That was that old. That was that old Chappelle joke on his HBO half hour where he's like, I don't know if I could ever leave my DNA around a crime scene. He, like, does the whole thing. He's like, hold on. One last thing. I've got a jerk off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Your DNA is like, how they get it. It's either blood or cummings.

[Mark Normand]

And that was always weird about Law and Order SVU because it was like, you can't curse. You can't show anything. But you were like, yeah, there's semen all over this woman's butt.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, there's semen everywhere. That's the joke.

[Sam Morril]

It is weird to make a clean show about sexual assault, friendly.

[Dan Soder]

About rape.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That pitch. Dick Wolf goes, you guys probably think this is going to sound crazy. We put rape on tv, right? What do you mean rape? He goes, I mean kid rape, adult rape, all of it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You sodomize him with a pine cone, you sick fuck. No, you can't say fuck.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, no. Can I say a no? It's not past the watershed moment.

[Mark Normand]

And we're gonna bring a rapper and a comedian to be in it.

[Dan Soder]

Former pimp Bells and Richard Belzer, guy.

[Sam Morril]

Who said cop killer is now a cop.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. He's old in Belzer.

[Mark Normand]

Belzer. Yeah. The crowd were the original crowd worker man.

[Dan Soder]

That moment was Stanhope.

[Mark Normand]

Pull that up.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, what's this merch? What's this merch? And Stanhope goes, I bought your book.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

One of the best episodes that shows it depended on the panel. But when they got the right panel.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, with trees.

[Sam Morril]

That was a great one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Patrice one.

[Mark Normand]

Burr had one. He was yelling at Liz Winstead back and forth.

[Dan Soder]

Stan. I wasn't even supposed to be on there. Look at it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He looks really long hair, looks young as. Look at stand up's Jack.

[Dan Soder]

He looks healthy.

[Mark Normand]

He does.

[Dan Soder]

God, this was great. This was like. No refunds. Stand up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. The prime. I've seen every one of these. They're all online now.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Douglas.

[Sam Morril]

A bucket list.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Glenn. Shout out, Glenn.

[Mark Normand]

Glenn Wool's a good egg. Political, social justice issues. This was great, too, because Belzer was trying to hold court and be like the wise guy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And they all. You know, you can't with a tell. Just dominated him with so many zingers.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Mattel just jumps in at all the right times. But yeah, this is great. I love this.

[Mark Normand]

Look how bored he is until is just thinking of jokes. You can tell.

[Dan Soder]

You can tell he wants to smoke.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he probably. I think he does.

[Dan Soder]

I'm wrong.

[Mark Normand]

Was he still drinking then? No. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

This is right when he got.

[Mark Normand]

We missed the action figure. Talk with Stone.

[Dan Soder]

Don't worry, we can get back into it. We got Kumail Nanjani.

[Mark Normand]

You got anything in the bag? I bet you carry one around, don't you?

[Dan Soder]

You don't carry.

[Mark Normand]

You've changed. Get in here.

[Dan Soder]

Come on in, dude. Take a seat.

[Mark Normand]

Come on in. Oh, you brought your weird cookie. Now I gotta watch you eat it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you gotta watch. The fans must watch you feast. How you doing? Hey, what's up, buddy?

[Mark Normand]

No, this is great. I heard Dan.

[Greg Stone]

I heard you from a mile away.

[Dan Soder]

Down. Down on the street. Y like a fog war.

[Greg Stone]

Oh, man, let me see that. Camille, I almost bought it just because it was him. This is the worst Marvel legend line, like, of all.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Sam Morril]

Every week, our female listenership just keeps dropping.

[Dan Soder]

If you think your pussies are dry, give us two more minutes. Yeah, because we're gonna talk action figure sales.

[Mark Normand]

I was gonna get custom.

[Greg Stone]

Camille. Put him in his old. You know, his old open mic gear.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, you should.

[Greg Stone]

This cabinet just melt this up here.

[Dan Soder]

Who do you got? No, you should put him in what he wore.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

You should have. Returning from Montreal, Kumail, we all sat around him and he told us about how he was gonna buy a TV with his development deal. That was a real thing ever. Yeah, we sat outside on Second Avenue smoking cigarettes. I was smoking cigarettes, and he was like, telling everyone in the circle, like, yeah, they gave me a check for a hundred thousand and I'm gonna buy a tv. And we're all like, oh. Oh, it's really there. There's still gold in them heels.

[Sam Morril]

And then by the time we got up there, yeah, they go, like, Paradigm might sign you. I'm like, is that still an agency?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we can give. We might be able to go halvesies on a breakfast at Explanation.

[Mark Normand]

Real close.

[Sam Morril]

Expectations.

[Dan Soder]

Explanations.

[Sam Morril]

Even sadder.

[Dan Soder]

We're not even going to the wrong next.

[Sam Morril]

We don't have eggs. That's part of the explanation.

[Mark Normand]

We're out of eggs.

[Dan Soder]

Just toast.

[Greg Stone]

Lower your expectations.

[Sam Morril]

Nothing's happening in Montreal, dude.

[Dan Soder]

I remember I was drinking so much during Montreal that I met with a management company in the morning, and I was so hungover that I needed to drink, and I was like. And I went to Explanation or what.

[Mark Normand]

Explanation should be the abortion.

[Dan Soder]

That's the name of the.

[Sam Morril]

It's the name of the breakfast spot in Montreal next to the hill.

[Mark Normand]

The highest.

[Sam Morril]

Now it's called Exceptional. They changed it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, maybe.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, new manager.

[Dan Soder]

Exceptional Eggs all the time. But I went in and they were Serving booze. And I got a beer and a shot at like 11am and I remember that. I just remember the girl from the management company going, well, this is fun. I'll do a Bloody Mary.

[Sam Morril]

And I.

[Dan Soder]

For survival.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Try to get out of a hole right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you should.

[Greg Stone]

Existential crisis.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it is. That was bad. I was so hungover during that meeting. Marcus, Mark and I were.

[Sam Morril]

We went to Montreal the same year. We were just getting. I remember we were not around a lot of open bars at that time. Yeah, there were like the smart, career oriented comics there who were just like, you have one. And Mark and I were just like.

[Dan Soder]

I blacked out. And I. I was asking just like, people who worked at Showtime. I was like, why don't you guys buy the wine? I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

I remember walking up to Josh Rabinowitz. I love Josh. And I. I'm. I'm hammered. I go up to Josh, I go, hey, Josh, this is you with the industry. And he goes, this is the head of NBC right here. I was like, oh, sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Nice to meet you.

[Sam Morril]

I'm not good at this.

[Mark Normand]

Remember talking to agents just so they would buy you drinks?

[Dan Soder]

Like, oh, yeah, I love stabbing your drink.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I could probably go out there.

[Mark Normand]

And go, yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

I remember I did JFL Chicago and I was Blackout. I was blackout at UP Comedy Club when that used to exist. And I went to go there and T.J. miller was in the green room. And T.J. miller goes, should probably take it easy.

[Greg Stone]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

In that moment, I swear to God, in that moment, I went, holy shit.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Soder]

I might have been. And then we went to the party after and I was like, blackout drunk. This was so embarrassing.

[Sam Morril]

But you would double fist.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Or do a shot in a beer. Jamie Masada from the Laugh Factory was like, holding court or whatever, and he just, like, was like, doing that to me because I was standing with someone that worked at the Laugh Factory and I was blackout drunk. And I go, don't worry about me. I'm an SD guy. I only gotta kiss up to her for spots. And he, like, looked at me. And then I woke up the next day. I was like, why did I even say, oh, yeah? I woke up in a hotel in Chicago, like, what? And then I met. Did TJ Miller tell me to take it easy?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That was like one of the first thoughts I had. The next morning in the wake up hangover, I was like, I think tj, Fuck it, I should probably quit.

[Sam Morril]

Those festivals got worse and worse. I remember Montreal. The big deal was, like, back in the day, Kumail, guys like that signed development deals for six figures, seven figures, whatever. May probably high six at that point. Yeah, I signed with an agent. And then to let you know how low in the totem pole I was, this guy, like, came in, like, the big guy there came in to, like, close. And then I was like, oh, what happened to Fred? And they're like, oh, he quit. So the guy I was like, I got an agent. Like, he quit like, two weeks later and didn't even tell me.

[Dan Soder]

He said he couldn't do it anymore and that the business is dying.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, just sign it. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He was like their big guy. And I was like, oh, I guess I just don't have an agent again.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

I just took me a while to.

[Mark Normand]

Get to Montreal, and now Montreal is over, but it's back.

[Dan Soder]

We're doing Long island this Saturday. Me and you, baby. We're going Belmore the fucking Cave.

[Sam Morril]

We're not going to make it out of that.

[Dan Soder]

No. They're gonna be surrounded on all sides. That's when they sit next to you on stage.

[Mark Normand]

What's that one called again?

[Dan Soder]

Brokerage.

[Mark Normand]

Brokerage.

[Dan Soder]

But they literally are on stage.

[Mark Normand]

They are, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Where a guy can just go, hey, yeah, that's crowd work with real hands on crowd work.

[Mark Normand]

Has one of those stripper shelves around you, you know, those little, like, tables.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it is.

[Mark Normand]

It has one of those, like, drinks. Yeah, Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I do like that room, though. That's a great, fun, tiny little room.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But there's no green room, so we're gonna be sitting in.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, we're at the bar. Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Get ready for a car hang.

[Mark Normand]

Bring a couple toys.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, that would be awesome. Yeah, Bring your figures. We'll just have a whole world.

[Greg Stone]

I have one for you. I keep forgetting.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Walk by, like, there they are. Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Look at these homos playing with toys in the car. And then you go on stage. You go. I'm telling you, like, it is seconds.

[Sam Morril]

Earlier, like, yeah, I haven't been there till he tried to fuck me over on money during COVID I think.

[Dan Soder]

Did he give you a knot? He gives you a knot of money, A nod. Yeah. Where you go like this, where he puts in your hand. And I'm always just too giant of a pussy to go, well, I mean, like, I need to have paperwork for this. When you're that big of a dork. Hey, good job tonight. And you go. I just need to check with the government.

[Greg Stone]

This is young James, though. How did James, like, the Swedish. I think the brokerage is young James.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's the son.

[Greg Stone]

The son. He's the best people ever.

[Dan Soder]

I love it. He's a huge comedy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

How did you go over Sam? It was just Covid shit.

[Sam Morril]

It was just him being like, oh, no. People canceled. And I'm like, well, you resell. There's. It's sold out. You resell the tickets.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But he was like, honoring, like, day of cancels. I'm like, I can't wait.

[Dan Soder]

He was not paying you because people can.

[Sam Morril]

He claims. I don't fucking know.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's.

[Sam Morril]

But it was. It was shady. And I was like, but it sold out, man.

[Dan Soder]

Covid was a real time to watch club owners learn how to scramble to fuck. You totally camp.

[Sam Morril]

But I was like, yeah, I'm good for. I'm good for here forever.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you know, it's a tough. You ever done Maguire's? Yes. Even further.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's a warehouse.

[Dan Soder]

Gary Veder had the gift because I had worked Maguire's before, and it was horrible.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They're talking during your set.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then Veeder featured for me one weekend, and they listened.

[Mark Normand]

He like, whoa.

[Dan Soder]

Got them to be a great.

[Sam Morril]

He's a. He's a Rockland county boy.

[Dan Soder]

Because that will. They also. You have to listen. And he's got great jokes.

[Mark Normand]

Great.

[Dan Soder]

So they would listen. They would shut up and listen. Then he'd make them laugh. And then by the time I went up there, I like, oh, they're like a real crowd.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Only him and Tim Dillon were the only two people I saw handle that room well.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

Just go up there and be like, shut up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Well, they're both Long Island. They're speaking their fucking animals.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, they can do their dialogue.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

So I gotta get it.

[Mark Normand]

Nate had that. Maybe you do the world. And it'd be like a chatty tourist nut jobs. And then they would go, so I was out in the park, man. And they would go, what's up with this guy?

[Dan Soder]

But you're forgetting he used to bomb a lot.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

He, like, gave himself to the darkness. Like, I was at the show where he was. Just fell back and doing. He goes, I'm just gonna keep talking.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then, like, after that, every time, he was like, better and better at winning him over.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

That room sucked.

[Sam Morril]

You ever seen that movie Bone Collector with Denzel?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That scene with a bad guy. Denzel's just, like, on the ground paralyzed, and he's. He's just like talking to himself. And he's like, wait, what? And he leans in and he just bites him in the neck.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You're doing that with Jo jokes.

[Greg Stone]

I saw a Dave David Tell open at Stand Up New York. It was David Tell got the opening. Opening. What was like, I don't know. Maybe it was a guy before him. I don't remember.

[Mark Normand]

But he was first.

[Greg Stone]

Very early in the show, get some wild screaming, screaming. Then I saw Ted go on right after him.

[Dan Soder]

We were just talking about Ted, and.

[Greg Stone]

He brought him down like they were animals. And he was like. And then I watched him kill on his. And I went, that's a comedy right there.

[Mark Normand]

Ted's like a Jedi because he would go up and go, zachary. Yeah, Heineken. I like it. I like it. And then they were listening. He was just like a teacher. He had you in the palm.

[Dan Soder]

You know that port that you can look through at East 4th?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I remember when it was east for watching Ted just like, calmly it like that with, like a rowdy crowd. You're like, he could take a nap on up there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And he'd be like.

[Mark Normand]

He would slink across the stage.

[Greg Stone]

He just put out a best of album. He did all this old stuff that he was not.

[Mark Normand]

It's awesome. Check out old stuff. His. He's a killer. He's only guys. One of the few guys with two presents. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Terosa.

[Mark Normand]

No, I think he was banging one of the. Yeah, Todd and I think Depalo.

[Dan Soder]

Maybe Apollo's got two.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Wow. Geraldo. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Geraldo had two Comedy Central hours.

[Sam Morril]

I don't think he definitely did two halves.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he did.

[Dan Soder]

Okay, Presents. Here's my thing with nostalgia and stuff. Where's that? Comedy Central. Be smart.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

Go like, hey, it's on Paramount.

[Sam Morril]

Plush. Probably.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but like. But, like, push that. But be like, hey, we're gonna bring it back. Like, try to compete. Be like, hey, we're gonna bring back a Comedy Central presents. And then everyone would get wild about it. Yeah, we're on YouTube.

[Sam Morril]

No one giving up a but us.

[Dan Soder]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

No one cares.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but there's Dane Cook. There's all these, like, old, you know, killers, like, who are famous now.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, the Nick Schwartz was.

[Mark Normand]

That was a great one.

[Greg Stone]

I just can mad you. I kind of can't find them ever. No, just watch them. Like, just give me access to them.

[Dan Soder]

I think Sam's right. I think they're all on Paramount.

[Mark Normand]

Plus, check it out there, Peters.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Where you. Where are You. Oh, look at Mark Marin. Wow. Holy.

[Dan Soder]

Who is this? They got Lewis Black, young Hedberg. Look at Fitzsimmons.

[Greg Stone]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Look at Kevin Brennan. I think he did the first one. Oh, no. Season one.

[Dan Soder]

Wanda Sykes. I remember very well. It's a great one.

[Greg Stone]

They all stayed around.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

You look at like some of these half hours now.

[Mark Normand]

Those.

[Greg Stone]

A lot of these comics came and went. These presents. They're like. There's. Most of these guys are all still here. How good you had to be to get one.

[Mark Normand]

Good point, man.

[Dan Soder]

Did you ever go to those tapings?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Dan Soder]

They were really fun. I watched Kurt Metzger and Tom Rhodes tape one and I watched. Who else? When they used to do the elaborate sets. Not these. Not the half hours, the. When they had the elaborate sets. We got those. I remember our class didn't get that. We didn't get to pick what your theme was.

[Mark Normand]

Got too pricey.

[Dan Soder]

Remember Burr had. His was like sports. It was like. Like they all had. Patrice's was like a subway station.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Had a deli. Yeah, I remember.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He went like one man show with it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. But.

[Dan Soder]

But they did that. You could like go full one man show. All of the backdrop.

[Mark Normand]

And then they were.

[Sam Morril]

Then by the time we all did it, they're like, you get your name.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And we were still like, cool. Awesome. But yeah, you're right. They took like. And you know what they did? It's the cheapening of the digital screen because instead of like building stuff, they just go put it on the screen.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes. It wasn't even. It was just projected.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that. Oh, we're all on Paramount Pro. Where's our check?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I mean, I guarantee if you looked at that contract, they were like, we own this now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Here's your money. I didn't know I Hate Myself was a Comedy Central.

[Sam Morril]

It was Comedy Central. YouTube.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That was the end of the. Kind of the last.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, Nora.

[Mark Normand]

There we go.

[Greg Stone]

That's a great.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, look, you guys are next to.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's fun. Really?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, look at that. Sam, you're sandwiching. Norman.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, finally.

[Sam Morril]

That's a salicy photo. I got this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, that's.

[Dan Soder]

You know what they should have done? I got this. And positive influence should have been switched. And you would both look like you were looking at Mark eating soup. They really up. Whoever does their layout. Fucked up.

[Mark Normand]

That's at a diner in LA at 4 in the morning.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I was shit faced.

[Dan Soder]

Good pick.

[Mark Normand]

Not bad. Marcus Price took that.

[Dan Soder]

Hey. Oh, yeah, that's Great. Look at how young you are.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, that's only five years ago.

[Dan Soder]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

You've aged.

[Dan Soder]

We all.

[Mark Normand]

We all have. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

There's a drop off. There is an age where you go, like, where it happens rapidly. Yeah, we're like, I'll look at pictures of me. You posted that one from we might be drunk of us, a cabin and someone.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Soda looks way better. You go, it's 15 years ago.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Of course I look better.

[Mark Normand]

We all look so pale in that.

[Dan Soder]

And pale and then drunk. You can tell how drunk we all are.

[Greg Stone]

Hey, and Mark, I feel bad. I hate saying it, but now that you're the kid, in two years, you're gonna look like this.

[Dan Soder]

That's the wear.

[Greg Stone]

This is it, man. I guess in white. It's. It ages you fast.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it really is like an old cabin picture.

[Mark Normand]

It's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

There it is.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. Hey, folks, we might be drunk. People joke about being so OCD all the time, but if you actually have it, it's no laughing matter. Luckily, there's no cd. No CD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider that'll match you up with a licensed therapist who can help. OCD is a serious and highly misunderstood condition. But with the right kind of help from a specialized therapist who truly understands what you're experiencing and is trained to treat it, OCD is extremely manageable. At nocd, every therapist deeply understands ocd. They'll work with you in live video sessions to reduce those intrusive thoughts and compulsions. This stuff works. I've got a couple weird ticks and this helps get on it. The therapists are great. They're nice with powerful in app tools, therapist messaging, peer communities, and live support groups. Nocd. Make sure you're supported between sessions. With nocd, you'll never have to navigate the condition on your own. If any of this sounds familiar, don't wait. Visit nocd.com and book a free call with their team and get connected to someone who can help. That's nocd.com Time to break out the.

[Sam Morril]

Fall and winter wardrobe. And if all your clothing from last season's falling apart, stock up with quince with staples like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at just 60 bucks. Real leather jackets without the crazy price tag. You can refresh the whole wardrobe. Yeah, they sent a. They sent us some nice stuff here. I'm loving this.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I got a suede jacket. Kill.

[Sam Morril]

You look good as hell in that.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

I complimented that jacket. You thought it was a little too tight, but I thought it was chic.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

You look fucking good, dude.

[Mark Normand]

The kids are wearing it tight.

[Sam Morril]

The kids are wearing it tight, man. And yeah, I got a cool hoodie from them. It's great. Keep it classic this fall with long lasting staples from quintessential. Go to quint.com drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Yeah, this is like really good quality clothing and it looks really good and it's just comfy as hell and it's not going to break the bank. It's great. Go to quints.com drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com drunk free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/drunk.

[Mark Normand]

There it is. Look at V. Wow.

[Greg Stone]

Back when Joe used to drink.

[Dan Soder]

Meter looks Nate's going nuts.

[Mark Normand]

I wonder if Nate is bothered.

[Dan Soder]

Big head is blocking Sam.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, look at that.

[Sam Morril]

Blocking that oversized shitty jacket I used to wear.

[Dan Soder]

Look at my.

[Mark Normand]

Look at my leather.

[Dan Soder]

Look at my Nick Depaulo starter kit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the leather coats, the attitude jacket.

[Dan Soder]

Do you think if Nate was pissed, why?

[Mark Normand]

I wonder if this bothered him. Like, hey, come on, guys. Clean fan family man.

[Dan Soder]

It's not.

[Sam Morril]

Christ.

[Dan Soder]

Like. And you're like, it's fine. Look at Conan on in the back. Remember when you'd watch people do Conan?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That might have been this night. And we might have been watching Che or something.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that was so fun. God, that bar was great. And that woman was so mean.

[Mark Normand]

So, yes, very into it. That's right.

[Dan Soder]

Trey couldn't do the show after a while because he got drunk. And she was a.

[Mark Normand]

She was a coos.

[Greg Stone]

She kicked the door on me for having sex in the bathroom. I wasn't having sex in the bathroom. I was like just pissing. And I was like, what the lady? And she was no sex. She was like, she's. I don't remember exactly how. I was by myself. And she was like, have sex in that bathroom. I swear something. She opened the door and I was like, what are you doing? And I was like, that's not happening. And someone told me, I think they were like, yeah, she said that people were in the bathroom and that's why she kicked it.

[Mark Normand]

It was weird. You're holding that action figure also.

[Dan Soder]

You should have gone into it and left and got. Sorry.

[Greg Stone]

I was.

[Dan Soder]

A legend public Greg Stone a lot.

[Mark Normand]

Louie looks like our creepy manager of the boy band.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, look at my boys. My boys are going to do so hot. My hot boys. Damn. Lis was very drunk.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's Cats.

[Greg Stone]

I couldn't tell who that was.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, Louie Cats.

[Sam Morril]

And then list.

[Dan Soder]

Leaning back. I think I'm holding him.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Louie looks like he's wearing the Groucho face. The glasses.

[Dan Soder]

Damn, dude, those. I used to wait tables the next morning.

[Mark Normand]

The Mexican joint.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I would have to be at the cafe at 10am and I remember so many of those nights being outside with you guys till like 4.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Being like, all right, all I need is four hours of sleep.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Like four hours is healthy. And then when you're young, you could do four hours and I would, but it would be so painful.

[Sam Morril]

I'm fucking hungover right now.

[Mark Normand]

Are you really?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'm feeling.

[Dan Soder]

Did you go out last night?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Big.

[Sam Morril]

Big enough date.

[Mark Normand]

Come on.

[Dan Soder]

Was it a date or were you.

[Sam Morril]

Just with a buddy? We just pulled up at a bar and. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then it's hurting. You've got that.

[Sam Morril]

I don't feel great.

[Mark Normand]

I was there the other. The other day. It's the worst. We're getting old.

[Dan Soder]

Do you have a way? Because here's the thing. I've been out of the game for 12 years. I've been away from it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What do you do to. Do you do the. Do you do like Pedialyte before you go to bed?

[Sam Morril]

No, I do. I have like some powders. Yeah, I'll do. I'll do what I can.

[Dan Soder]

You have elixirs?

[Mark Normand]

None of that shit works.

[Sam Morril]

It doesn't work.

[Mark Normand]

I try all that shit. I've tried Hangover, Be Gone or whatever the fuck it's called.

[Dan Soder]

What about the charcoal pills at the kg?

[Mark Normand]

All of it. I've taken 20 of those.

[Dan Soder]

Those things. I used it once, but I think it was placebo because I used it. I woke up, but I was like 19. I was like, fine.

[Mark Normand]

The only move is just pig out on like pizza burger.

[Sam Morril]

We're like, it's just choose your shit.

[Mark Normand]

I'd rather that because it's least not a headache. Yeah, that painful. You're just like, ugh.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know? Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You just can't sleep. Sleep is the issue and it up your cycle. And I was trying. My friend staying with me for a couple weeks, I was trying to get him laid. We went out.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I think he met a girl. He did all right, but.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, nice.

[Sam Morril]

But I was like, bring her back and fuck her on my couch.

[Mark Normand]

I don't give A shit I want to watch.

[Sam Morril]

I was trying to help. Yeah, I got a camera set up. I got a rig. I'm watching my room.

[Dan Soder]

Honestly, if you're cool with it, we can make some money. Honestly, we could get enough money for you to stay at a hotel.

[Sam Morril]

You know what Instagram Live is?

[Dan Soder]

We're gonna go live. What are your. What's your follower Account?

[Mark Normand]

But.

[Dan Soder]

So what happened? Did he get her? Did he bring her back? Or did.

[Sam Morril]

No, I think they were fooling around a little bit, and then I. He's like, I'm gonna do it tonight. And I was like, all right.

[Dan Soder]

Is that weird? Because, like, what are you gonna do? You gonna take a walk?

[Sam Morril]

No, I gotta. I got a door. It shuts. I got. He's. I got a room in the back. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's not like, in your living room.

[Sam Morril]

No, we're good. We're good.

[Dan Soder]

You're like, I was trying to watch the second episode of Alien Earth, but I. I guess you. You two slapping Skittle.

[Sam Morril]

I don't give a. He's my buddy.

[Dan Soder]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Speaking of those early mornings, talking about the restaurant I used to temp and.

[Dan Soder]

So that's where you got the. I don't see color. I don't see color.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Sam Morril]

I'm black.

[Mark Normand]

How the hell did you know that?

[Dan Soder]

I remember all your guys's bits.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was a big bit for me.

[Dan Soder]

That's. I think, my form of autism.

[Sam Morril]

I remember your bits. I remember your bit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But I think that's what.

[Sam Morril]

I remember your bitch.

[Mark Normand]

You think this bad neighborhood. I remember all of them.

[Dan Soder]

That got me out of waiting tables. That was my freebird.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that bit fucking murdered.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That was, like, the first joke that I wrote that it really worked. We were like. And then I did it too many places. I did it on code. By the way, someone played a clip of it. The voice I do for the black guy. Not cool.

[Mark Normand]

Now pull it up.

[Dan Soder]

Like, hey, man. Like that.

[Mark Normand]

Where I'm like, it's a different time.

[Sam Morril]

Do you say black guy in it?

[Dan Soder]

I go thug. Which Republicans made real tough.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but there's ways. But you're saying black. I couldn't.

[Mark Normand]

Could.

[Sam Morril]

It could be a white thug who talks.

[Mark Normand]

Absolutely.

[Dan Soder]

There are white guys.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. It is New York.

[Dan Soder]

It is New York.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. We don't have to watch it. No, no. It sucks. It just. Trust me. It sucks.

[Mark Normand]

But it crushed you. Crushed it.

[Dan Soder]

But that was like. We. That was all funny because that was at a Time where we were all finding out our one bit. Like our first hit single.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Mine was Janitor.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Janitor. It's crazy on the sign. It. It's so fun. Dude. I remember you were the one that went. When you went through it with the rape joke first, but really, what's funny about that is you were like, pre cancel culture in trouble.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

How preposterous it was to me. I read it and I go, well, it's missing half the joke.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's how they do it.

[Sam Morril]

That's the problem. They're trying to get you in trouble with the joke, and they only put the setup.

[Dan Soder]

Well, that's what's funny about all these, like, videos. Like, comedy hate videos now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You can just take a little of, like, me on stage going like, yeah. And they're like, is he losing his mind?

[Mark Normand]

Right. Dan Soders lost it. And they show that thumbnail.

[Dan Soder]

I'm doing the eat ass act out.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Right. They do it all day long.

[Dan Soder]

It's great. Whatever. It's fun.

[Mark Normand]

But just. I just want one of those guys to admit, like, okay, thank God you did something weird, because now I get paid. You know, they never thank us.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you very much. Weird clip.

[Mark Normand]

It's just like, I hate you. I hate you. You're the worst. You suck. You're a hack. And you're like, yeah, but you're.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I got bits using me, too. I got. I got stuff out of it. I mean.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, you have a great bit about. On the last special about this, which is fun because it's almost like a continuum.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You almost go, you know, if you're a. If you're a real guy, you remember when the first one came out?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know if non comics remember that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. But that's why. That's us sucking our. Each other off. That's our lemon party.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Each other.

[Mark Normand]

Lemon party. Was the original black guy, huge dick.

[Dan Soder]

Yes. Hey, check out this lake.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

Three old men blowing each other.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I. I think the lemon party was a little more fun.

[Dan Soder]

It was the most fun.

[Mark Normand]

It was fun.

[Dan Soder]

It was upbeat because you go, ew. But also funny.

[Mark Normand]

Good for these guys.

[Dan Soder]

It's not aggressive because they're all old men. It's hopeful. It is.

[Mark Normand]

It's hopeful. One day I could go, yeah, suck.

[Dan Soder]

Another guy's dick in a nursing home.

[Mark Normand]

I can't wait. That's living.

[Dan Soder]

You can be old enough where you can blow your buddy and then he can blow your other buddy. Listen, that's teamwork.

[Mark Normand]

You know what, guys? In 30 years, let's meet right here. Redo the Lemon party.

[Dan Soder]

That's so fucking funny. What are you up for softball later? And you go, let me see that photo.

[Mark Normand]

Just for old times sake.

[Dan Soder]

Type in lemonparty.com, see if it comes up still.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, it does.

[Greg Stone]

Absolutely. I feel you.

[Mark Normand]

Checks once a week.

[Dan Soder]

It's your home screen. You got to be over 18.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. We are, by the way, the going.

[Dan Soder]

On the road with no porn thing. Oh, it's just.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, what do you mean, no porn on the road?

[Dan Soder]

Like, you ever go, right? Yeah, we go to states where they're.

[Mark Normand]

Like, oh, Texas, Louisiana.

[Dan Soder]

I was just in Virginia.

[Sam Morril]

I always download some for the trip.

[Dan Soder]

It's like a movie on an iPad. Yeah, for the airplane ride.

[Sam Morril]

No, you try to use that imagination, see if you still got it.

[Mark Normand]

It's tough.

[Dan Soder]

Old school. Going old school. Jerk.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You feel like Dr. Strange.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You feel Amish. How did I do this?

[Greg Stone]

I tried to draw a picture.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like, I don't want to titty. I think I was gonna an unplugged this weekend.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right now you can't find it, huh? I guess it got scrubbed. It's weird. So that's someone's grandpa.

[Greg Stone]

I think when they died, they were like, it's time to let it go.

[Mark Normand]

I guess so.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, there she is.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they cleaned it up.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's no good.

[Greg Stone]

Also, it was like, that was the first time I ever realized that people can also be gay.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

They just. And then you met Rick Crumb.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you're like, okay, all right. Lemon Party dude. It's so funny that it's like those. Those guys were. Those old men were like, well, no one will ever find out. No, Reginald's gonna take a picture, and it's just for us.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you fool.

[Dan Soder]

They know us as the Lemon Party Man.

[Greg Stone]

He's got that picture as he's bombing.

[Dan Soder]

I repeat, I repeat, you're under attack from Imperial forces. I'm not going. I gotta kill them. Talking about World War II, then blowing each other.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Remember when we got home?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. I guess it's gone. I don't know if this is good or bad.

[Dan Soder]

This is sad.

[Mark Normand]

I'm, like, bummed out.

[Greg Stone]

I thought it was dot org.

[Dan Soder]

Remember Rotten dot com? Did you guys ever go, yeah, disturbing.

[Greg Stone]

It was just very disturbing.

[Mark Normand]

It was the original or. No, it was like Faces of Death.

[Dan Soder]

You know what the one Was the one was. Was banned from tv. Faces of Death was fake.

[Greg Stone]

No, I found that out from you, I think, like a week ago.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, Faces of Death was.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't know that.

[Dan Soder]

Banned from tv.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know what that is.

[Dan Soder]

That was so up.

[Greg Stone]

Videos of people just dying.

[Dan Soder]

It's like they were showing people getting. But like, watch it at like your friend's basement when you were 12.

[Mark Normand]

Remember the guy with the gun? No. No.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's real.

[Mark Normand]

That one's real.

[Dan Soder]

That was because if you guys have a problem with any guns, that's. What's his name?

[Mark Normand]

He was like a senator or something.

[Dan Soder]

It was an Oregon. Why can't I think of his name?

[Mark Normand]

By the way, I see half that shit on X every day now.

[Dan Soder]

I mean. Yeah, that's. The Internet's just rotten dot com.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right? It used to be like kind of a novelty. Now it's just my feed.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, man. Who. I'm looking this up because this is bog bugging me.

[Mark Normand]

He was a old bald guy who.

[Dan Soder]

Was Filter wrote this song. Hey, man, nice shot about him. Bud Dwyer.

[Greg Stone]

But Budweire was the.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, he was the one that takes out the gun. He goes, if anyone has a problem with a gun, you should get out of here. Yes, and fucking shoot.

[Sam Morril]

And it's real.

[Greg Stone]

The Night Snail Song.

[Dan Soder]

He got caught right there all the way. That's the clip. But TV or no, the Filter song. Hey, man.

[Greg Stone]

No, but the 90s nail song uses the gunshot as the beat. Yeah, it's on.

[Mark Normand]

He might have been in the lemon part. Look, that's why he shot himself. How'd you find me?

[Dan Soder]

And Mr. Hashimoto. That's how I feel every time I say the wrong name. Yeah, but banned from TV was like, from like the. The one I remember is there was a hostage situation.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And the guy tried to pretend that he was one of the hostages, but the. It was in Brazil and they knew it was him. And they all come out and the Brazilian SWAT team just shoots some point blank range with a shotgun to the chest on the news. All these people are running out. They just go, boosh. Do you remember the lady running in front of the train?

[Mark Normand]

Yes, that I remember. Oh, I hated that.

[Dan Soder]

That was real.

[Mark Normand]

That was dark.

[Dan Soder]

They were filming like the last run of a train. And then the guy checks and he doesn't go. And the lady goes. And it's like, oh. And then all the flies at the camera.

[Sam Morril]

I missed all this.

[Dan Soder]

You're lucky. Yeah, because it was always a friend's older brother and they were like, you guys want to watch band from tv? And I'd be like this in my head. Absolutely not.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, it was always her watching porn, having a good time.

[Sam Morril]

Porn.

[Greg Stone]

Some guy goes, faces of Death. And I go, I guess I'm gonna close my eyes in the back of the room for this one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well, looks like I won't be sleeping.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Sam saw none of it. But you did dissect a cat. Oh, you're even a feral cat. Crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I didn't want to.

[Dan Soder]

What, did you try to opt out?

[Mark Normand]

You could opt out. It was always one girl who cried. I remember she was like, I can't.

[Dan Soder]

Do, like a frog.

[Mark Normand]

She's a vegan now.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Or she's not now. She runs, like, a barbecue joint. She's like, I was wrong. Fuck all these animals. Kill them. No, there's no friends in this.

[Greg Stone]

You ever see a guy die in real life?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Once. I didn't see him die when I saw a dead body.

[Dan Soder]

Where?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, in a warehouse in New Orleans. On, like, me and my buddies were just walking around, you know, with a hoop. With a stick, you know, 40s.

[Dan Soder]

You're stand by Me.

[Mark Normand]

It was Stand By Me. And all I saw was his. The feet and some blood and, like, trash around.

[Sam Morril]

How'd he die?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. It was just a dead body.

[Dan Soder]

They picked him up, and we can go, guys, maybe he can buy us beer.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You worked at a hospital?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you don't.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus, dude.

[Greg Stone]

I was pushing a guy. So I'm with a guy, 150 years old. His daughter, who's like, 98 years old or whatever. They're getting the elevator. She doesn't fit in the elevator. And I go, I'll see you guys upstairs. And she's like, okay. I'm looking him. We're on the elevator. He just goes. And then nothing. And I'm like, that's odd, right?

[Dan Soder]

Wait, so when you're on the elevator and he makes that noise, are you go. Like, that's not a normal breath.

[Greg Stone]

I went, odd. I was like, I wasn't really. And then I push him off, and the daughter's there, and she was like.

[Dan Soder]

My father's not breathing.

[Greg Stone]

And she starts screaming, oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, what?

[Dan Soder]

And then he said, give me all your money.

[Greg Stone]

But he was full dnr, so it was like, do not resuscitate. So, like, they. Like, this is a thing where, like, we're just waiting for this to happen. But then she starts screaming. The nurses come, and they're like, they're not really resuscitating, but they're like, whatever. And I'm still pushing him, and I grabbed his TV remote remote, and I, like, put it next to him. And the nurse was like, yeah, Greg, he's not gonna.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny.

[Sam Morril]

Why'd you move the TV remote?

[Greg Stone]

Because when you put the. Them back in the room, in the room, they'd have these TV remotes, and you wanted to put it next to the old people so they could reach it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

And so they're literally, like, screaming, and I'm just, like, still doing that.

[Dan Soder]

That was your coins on his eyes. Yeah. That was you putting his remote next to him. You go, give him an honorable yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

I watched his soul come out of his mouth on the elevator with me, and I was like, my first day on the job.

[Dan Soder]

How many people total do you think you've seen done die?

[Greg Stone]

No, a lot. I mean, I've seen dead bodies. I've seen him a lot watching them die. I held a bunch of people's hands as they died. Oh, that would happen a lot.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That wasn't in the hospital. He was a serial killer. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Usually he just breaks in and he goes, I feel like it's done.

[Sam Morril]

I saw a person die once in the city.

[Dan Soder]

I.

[Sam Morril]

An old lady. I was walking to the bus stop as a kid, and an old lady jumped out of a building, and splat.

[Mark Normand]

What? Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

That's like.

[Dan Soder]

How old were you?

[Sam Morril]

6Th grade?

[Dan Soder]

11?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Did it get it on you?

[Sam Morril]

No, it's not messy. I mean, it's not. I mean, this is graphic. What is it? Is it just, like, a clunk or a splat? Yeah. It's a hard sound, obviously, like dropping a grocery bag.

[Dan Soder]

You know when you drop a grocery bag and it goes like, boom.

[Sam Morril]

You just think your mind protects you, so you think it's. You're like, oh, this isn't real.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You're like this. I'm on some movie set.

[Mark Normand]

That's what you see. I'm really here.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah. But not a lot of blank blood. Wasn't instantly dead.

[Mark Normand]

No. Splat.

[Sam Morril]

She wasn't instantly dead? No. She was, like, mumbling.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's the worst.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it was rough.

[Dan Soder]

And did you go and you just went to school?

[Sam Morril]

No, I was leaving school.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, come on. Kill yourself at the beginning of the day.

[Sam Morril]

It's also crazy to do it, like, to jump onto a crowded street.

[Greg Stone]

She could have killed you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then where did she land? Sidewalk or street?

[Sam Morril]

Sidewalk. I mean, either way is bad.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

You could, but I mean, street. I mean, I don't mean this in like a cruel way, but like, like streets less invasive on a car stop.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

No sidewalk can literally hit you and get on you.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it was, it was weird. I remember. You remember, like, she said something like, I'm like, mumbled cold. And someone went, got a blanket for her. Horrible.

[Mark Normand]

Anyone else? Hard.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus, this is great. Was there a pink?

[Dan Soder]

I mean, you just go home and your mom's like, how was your day?

[Sam Morril]

My parents weren't home. And I remember I called a friend to like tell him what happened. And his mom was one of those like chatty moms. And she was like. And she told like a 10 minute story. She's like, by the way, oh, he. He's not here right now. And. And I was like, oh, all right. So I just listened to her tell like a 10 minute story while you're one of those. She was one of those, like lonely moms.

[Dan Soder]

She's like, I'm at Dagotino's and they don't have the chicken and I wonder where.

[Sam Morril]

That's really what happened.

[Dan Soder]

And young Sam is like, yeah, wow, you're good. That's dramatic.

[Sam Morril]

It was fucking weird.

[Mark Normand]

She was old. You say she's old. Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

Did you find out any info in the paper after? Like, were you curious?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I didn't really see. I mean, that's how fucked up New York is. I don't, I don't remember seeing on the news or anything. I remember being like, like looking for something on the local news. It's like I was like 12, probably. But you want watch the local news. There's so much fucked up shit.

[Dan Soder]

Also, it's New York and this was in the late, late mid-90s, late-90s. So you're. It's not as clean. It's not. It's like getting Disney.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But you're still a tough city.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that was a. That's one where you're like, you look up more.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You know, you're like.

[Dan Soder]

So when we were doing the Bonfire around Christmas, Rockefeller center gets like crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It just gets like uncomfortable to try to get there to. To like do a show. And I would always ride the entrance because I was in Queens and I got off the end train and the whole street to Sirius was shut down. And I was like, what the happened? Like 15 minutes before, a woman was walking like same sidewalk on 49th to go to Sirius and a corner of the building came off and crushed her head, like down on the sidewalk. She, like, stopped to buy an umbrella, and a piece came down and killed someone.

[Greg Stone]

I know that happened to their. Who the fuck is it? Is it a comic? That happened to their, like, relative? And they got them. I wonder if it's the same fucking person. And they got, like, rich or something.

[Dan Soder]

I don't. I don't know. This happened in, like, 2017 or 18 right there. And it was like, oh, shit. Like, we, like, saw it up, but because of the Internet now we, like, looked it up, and they were like. She worked in our building, and she was, like, literally going to buy an umbrella or something, and it, like, fucking.

[Mark Normand]

That's building.

[Dan Soder]

I think they might have been sued because that building was in trouble. Trouble, because they were like, you should have been updating it.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Section 11 drilling when. When there's, like, a loose brick or something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And it's annoying as when they're doing it on your building, but, like, you got to do it. These are all buildings. You got to make sure. The brickstone.

[Mark Normand]

The irony of buying an umbrella. I know. It's crazy. It's like a Wiley coyote.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. She, like, put the help side up. Like, the shadow was growing. Dude, if you die in a Wiley coyote, a piano. But that's got a wonderful. You wonder how long until her family said that. Like, one cousin had that joke, and.

[Mark Normand]

Then he's waiting, and he goes, was it an anvil?

[Dan Soder]

They say acme on it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You hold.

[Sam Morril]

You hold up a sign. This stinks.

[Dan Soder]

How traumatic that is for that person. Watch out. And they go.

[Mark Normand]

The guy next to goes, yeah, my.

[Greg Stone]

Wife and I remember, we come back from the creek where we get off the seven, and you had to go to the seven. You had to go to. What was it?

[Dan Soder]

Queensborough Plaza.

[Greg Stone]

Queensborough Plaza, right. Me and my wife. But my girlfriend at the time, I looked down, I'm like, is that blood? And there was blood. We followed blood from the seven down the street all the way up the steps to where the. The end train is. And then there's just a guy laying there. And I'm like, what the fuck? And as we're like. Like, I couldn't. Even before I could do anything, these EMTs run, grab him, put him on the stretcher, find out, like, the next day he was the Craigslist Killer. The guy who. And the reason was bleeding is because when he stabbed someone, it didn't have, like, a sheath or whatever cut his. It's like a common injury, I guess, for people who stab people. It, like, sliced up his hand. He Lost blood, passed out, and they found him at the fucking N train or Queensborough Plaza.

[Mark Normand]

The killer Square.

[Greg Stone]

The killer. He was the killer.

[Mark Normand]

That's the guy.

[Greg Stone]

I don't remember his face. He's laying down. I don't know if he.

[Dan Soder]

Why was he laying down? Did someone kill him?

[Mark Normand]

So he lost a lot.

[Greg Stone]

I think he lost blood and passed out or something. And these EMTs came up and. Yeah, we followed literally, a trail of blood.

[Dan Soder]

It's like that. Remember that Patrice joke about someone jumping in front of a train? And.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

When you live in New York long enough, you go like, all right, man. Kick the head off the tracks. Go somewhere.

[Mark Normand]

I got a dinner to get to get somewhere. Damn. Now, I heard this. You might have to give this a goo there, Petey. But I heard that the reason they're scaffolding is because a piece of a building fell off and hit a lady. And so now there's a law that you have to upkeep your building every five years. And that's why the scaffolding all over the city.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that would make sense.

[Mark Normand]

True.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, it is. We are in a city of giant buildings. And like Sam was saying, one fucking loose brick.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

My dad had, like, a protege work he worked with, and she died that way.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Brick fell on her head. People die that way. It's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Home Alone 2.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You got what, bandits?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. There it is.

[Dan Soder]

Scaffolding. Officially called sidewalk sheds.

[Greg Stone]

You fucking. When they're walking next day, you're.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

That's wild.

[Mark Normand]

Now I bet the acs kill some people, too. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, I was always very nervous.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, me too. I put a few of those in myself. I'm like, this could be a problem.

[Dan Soder]

There was a girl I hooked up with one time, and she was like, hey, you're. Could you help? It was like just the beginning of summer. She's like, could you put my AC in? And I was like, I'm hammered.

[Mark Normand]

She was like, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I was like, you're also on the third floor. She was like, yeah. I was like, like, okay, but check it tomorrow.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I was putting in, like, cardboard around.

[Dan Soder]

This thing ain't going. No.

[Sam Morril]

There's duct tape. It doesn't look good. My sheet was a shower curtain. My. My window.

[Dan Soder]

Pressure of the window in the. This is going to hold.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know.

[Greg Stone]

Legally, in New York, you're not supposed to. The landlord is supposed to do it for you.

[Mark Normand]

They never do.

[Greg Stone]

They never do. But, like, then that's on them.

[Sam Morril]

Sue those There was a guy, I. I had a super in my old building. Hated me. Just like one of those dudes just dec. Hated me.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's funny.

[Sam Morril]

And they hate everyone in the building. But he'd be nice to the women. I'd noticed.

[Dan Soder]

But every dude, he's a perv.

[Sam Morril]

But he. But he would come in like, the toilet would be cloudy, dude, I think the toilet's up. And he'd be like. He'd be like so mad. And they'd be like, I'd like try to tip him at the end. He'd be like, no. I'm like, she gets to stay mad.

[Dan Soder]

At me, so don't be. Yeah, well, you also go, don't be a dick. Because I'm trying to. I'm trying to pave that.

[Sam Morril]

And I'm also like, the pipes are up.

[Dan Soder]

What do you want? We had Vecchion and I's landlord, you know, we live there for like. I lived there for like 14 years. I lived with Vachion for 10 years. He would never fix anything. Yeah, he'd never fix anything. There's a problem in our kitchen where one of our boards was warped. Just wouldn't fix it. We had mold in our shower. We just had to put a garbage bag over it. And then we had these two really hot girls that lived on the third floor. It was a three floor building. And like, our roommate was banging one of them, our other roommate. And we like just talking to the girls or whatever, we're like, yeah, fucking Anthony, right? She was like, he's great. I was like, what do you mean? She goes, goes, my refrigerator broke. And he had a new one within like an hour. And I was like, wow, what? And I found out that he would do. He would like rush to the building.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So I told her, I was like, next time you're getting something done, text me. And then I just waited. Yeah. And he came down the stairs and I was like, anthony, there you go. You got some mold in the shower. Son of a. I caught him and he's like, all right, Dan, let me take a look. Come on in, buddy.

[Sam Morril]

Whenever women are like, he's such a sweetheart. I'm like, to you.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan Soder]

This is individual relationship.

[Sam Morril]

I'm a. I'm a swarthy looking dude.

[Mark Normand]

Monica Lindsay is like, bill's nice.

[Dan Soder]

Talk about, oh my God, the president's so cool.

[Mark Normand]

He's so sweet.

[Dan Soder]

You get to hang out with him.

[Mark Normand]

Gave me a cigar.

[Dan Soder]

I will say though, that is one of the coolest moves of all time, is Getting a blowjob while you're on the phone with the Senate.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yes.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

At first I was like. He said it like, we all done it. I was like, oh, oh, no, I haven't done that.

[Dan Soder]

I've never done that. Fantasized about that. A cool phone call.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Be like, ah, release the funding. And it'd be funny if the argument went well. And she, like, felt him get soft. So she, like, knew, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

He started getting soft when they were talking about Arafat.

[Mark Normand]

A cigar in the clam.

[Dan Soder]

Is that makes sense?

[Mark Normand]

Wild move and how do you light it?

[Sam Morril]

The power move.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah. Totally not in a good.

[Sam Morril]

Not in a healthy way.

[Dan Soder]

I'll tell you right now. Cigars are flaky.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

A lot of stuff to flake off in the puss.

[Mark Normand]

I agree. Gotta get that tobacco out of there.

[Dan Soder]

I bet the smell like old boots.

[Sam Morril]

It also feels like wasteful of a cigar. Like, you know, Castro wouldn't do that.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

That's why he respect a good cigar that you go, you know, we were making headway with Cuba, and they found.

[Mark Normand]

Out he put it where, you know, they gave Castro. This is how funny the CIA used to be. They gave Castro an exploding cigar. Come on, Try to kill him.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's a real thing. It didn't really. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

With exploding po. It might have been poison.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I don't know.

[Dan Soder]

Actually did say bang.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right. Makes poison is better. It makes more sense. But the exploded's got a nice charm to it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's humorous.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you know, he's. He wants a cigar.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I guess it's not that crazy, but that's fun. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Think about how many he's just sabotaging his cigars. But they're not.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I just. Maybe I assumed exploding him.

[Dan Soder]

Just him with, like, the black face and then the thing, like, shredded.

[Sam Morril]

Right, right. The breaking bad. And Gustavo.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. She changes his tie. And then Castro just died of natural causes.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, but he's like a dictator.

[Sam Morril]

And you make it to 89, you did pretty well.

[Dan Soder]

You did just let you roll. They are like, hey, yeah, ride it out, dog. This guy. What are we gonna change him? Old dogs, new tricks. The milkshake. Damn. They did like, wow. Yo, they stayed trying to kill him.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. What a fun job. Hey, our job is.

[Dan Soder]

This sounds like a set list too.

[Sam Morril]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

I go soft. I go shoes in softball in that writer's room. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, we're just pitching ideas on.

[Greg Stone]

How we got to get Cast.

[Sam Morril]

What do people like milkshakes?

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Put it on the board. Can we do spring shoes? Sam, you see a cigar with a circle around it and other thought bubbles. How do we get it there?

[Mark Normand]

Is it exploding AC could fall on him. Love a drunk guy, hook up with a girl.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What are the fat of molten metal? I mean, this is quiet Coyote.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

End of October in 71.

[Greg Stone]

The new guy just goes, I hate to say this, but anyone say a gun yet?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Long range rifle. Guys, I. I know I'm. I know. I'm not in favor. Right here. Sniper rifle. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He also survived some crazy battles, just overtaking Cuba, man, what he did to Batista. Yeah, exactly. There was like some crazy number. There was like, I think 87. And they. And they. And they landed on 12 and they're like, well, this is biblical.

[Dan Soder]

That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

You know, it was like, him, Che and 10 others. I think one of one or two of his brothers.

[Dan Soder]

That's it. Yeah. Because he had a brother.

[Mark Normand]

Cigar.

[Greg Stone]

That's great.

[Sam Morril]

You were right. You were right.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Fun. I love and I love.

[Dan Soder]

They said the most extreme and cartoonish.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, they poisoned his diving suit.

[Dan Soder]

Here's my question. Do you think exploding cigar was first used to kill Castro or first used in a cartoon? Cartoon.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I would assume cartoon, but.

[Dan Soder]

But the cartoon writers could hear it go.

[Sam Morril]

They're talking to Hannah Barbera for ideas.

[Dan Soder]

They go, what do you got? He goes, dinosaur ribs. It takes the car all the way on its side. He goes, all right. Yeah, we can do that. We got blue sky with this.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Greg Stone]

Have you tried chasing him off a cliff? He'll stay in the air for a while, but eventually he'll drop.

[Dan Soder]

He'll look down.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'm trying to think of more cartoon.

[Greg Stone]

Have they ever killed anybody with an exploding cigar?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Greg Stone]

Like, it's never. Because it doesn't work at Castro. It's like, maybe get some little mob guys with it.

[Dan Soder]

Also maybe try the bit out. Right?

[Greg Stone]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Dan Soder]

Take out some, like, foot soldiers with an exploding cigar.

[Mark Normand]

Right. Damn.

[Dan Soder]

Now it's like it all goes back to Kaczynski trying to flirt.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, I think they had to be in the writers room, where they're like, oh, we'll just shoot them fucking hack.

[Sam Morril]

Have you tried the cigar?

[Greg Stone]

It's called tnt.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, I've never tried one. One of these.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Greg Stone]

So funny.

[Dan Soder]

Mad tv. I mean, MAD magazine on the COVID.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there it is. See, that's exactly what you said. The black smoke with the pop cigar. That's a good time.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Zoom in on that cover. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Mad was the.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, dude, I used to love it.

[Mark Normand]

Me too.

[Sam Morril]

The parody issue, the folding, the folding is great one.

[Dan Soder]

I finally learned how to do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It was more satisfying than learning how to tie my shoes.

[Mark Normand]

I used to go to, like, the little bodega in my neighborhood. I would try to fold it and the guy would go, oh, you gotta buy it. You can't fold it. You gotta buy it. Oh, no, no. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

If you found a mat already folded, you're like this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It was like a highlights with everything circled.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, like used condom.

[Dan Soder]

That really is. That's so funny. A circled highlights really was like finding a used condom.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was gross.

[Dan Soder]

Who would do this?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Do you remember finding your first used condom?

[Mark Normand]

Sure. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I remember finding one down by like a creek that used to smoke cigarettes at that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And the reason I knew it was used because you were like, it's like I poked it with a stick, but it was like, even through the stick, you saw the way that the. The rubber moved. Oh, there's stuff in there.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, I still have the one. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He pull it out. I found this one.

[Sam Morril]

Russman. Eve used to have that great joke about the condom and the used condom in the streets. Like, who is this guy responsible enough to use a condom?

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Put in, do it in the street.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He goes, homeless people, he goes, we're going to do a doggy style.

[Sam Morril]

Straight doggy style.

[Dan Soder]

Straight doggy style.

[Mark Normand]

It was funny.

[Dan Soder]

Could rock a V neck like a.

[Mark Normand]

Son of a. Oh, he's a handsome mofo.

[Dan Soder]

Whenever a man can rock a V neck, I'm always like, good for you.

[Sam Morril]

A little hairy.

[Mark Normand]

This is even too close for me.

[Sam Morril]

You.

[Dan Soder]

You could though, cuz you got good hair.

[Mark Normand]

You got good chest hair.

[Dan Soder]

No, when you dressed up like Brett Hart, you had like, good chest.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

You know what I mean? You got that. I got like white trash wispy.

[Sam Morril]

Let's your wispy under.

[Dan Soder]

It's not good.

[Mark Normand]

Baldwin. It's a bear rug.

[Dan Soder]

Look at him.

[Greg Stone]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Dan Soder]

Dude. You get eight kids with a yoga instructor. That's too deep.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

Cleavage.

[Mark Normand]

That's a U. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Who is that?

[Mark Normand]

Jude Law.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, do you remember when they made fun of when Chris Rock made fun of him?

[Sam Morril]

And then Sean, he's one of our finest American actors.

[Mark Normand]

He's a comedian.

[Dan Soder]

You get judged. Law.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Can't get him. Get Jude Law. I think Jude Law is one of America's finest.

[Mark Normand]

And then they're all like, go back to Katrina with your shotgun.

[Dan Soder]

Go interview a cartel.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly, man. Baldwin was a. Was a hunk. Dude, I could. I could use some chest hair. I got nothing. I got the nipples.

[Sam Morril]

Okay. I. I would thought you. I thought you shaved it for a while.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, I'm like an Asian boy.

[Dan Soder]

When did you. When did you get chest hair? Were you like a teenager or in your 30s?

[Sam Morril]

Now you get that. You start with the happy trail. And then I remember dating a girl in college who was like, you should shave. It's like really gross. You should shave your chest. And she talked me into it and I did it and I was like, I. I have no respect for myself.

[Dan Soder]

Yourself, you know, have you ever seen a dog when they get a haircut too short? That's the energy.

[Sam Morril]

You walk around also against their will.

[Mark Normand]

Same at the cone.

[Dan Soder]

One time I was high in my apartment and I was like, maybe I was living here. So I was like, maybe like 24 or 25. And I was like, just shave my chest off. And I did. I just shaved this part off. And I was like, you look ridiculous. It's all itchy for the longest where.

[Sam Morril]

You'Re just like, that's your punishment for doing it. Yeah, I hated myself. I was like, ugh.

[Dan Soder]

But that's why I see, you know, as a fan of pro wrestling sometimes. Like, there's a picture of Hulk hogan in the 70s with chest hair. Oh, you should have rocked that. But then in the 80s, everyone was just, yeah, there you go. Go.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, weird, weird penis.

[Dan Soder]

You can tell that he's so hairy.

[Mark Normand]

He.

[Dan Soder]

He like puts it into something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's like the back of a crab. You know that part you pull up? Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Are they going with a razor or are they 40 year old virgin getting it?

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Good question.

[Dan Soder]

Probably, I think surf like a mixed bag. I wouldn't be surprised. I think a lot of these guys, bodybuilders, do it with razors.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because they have to be. It has to be right then and there.

[Mark Normand]

You know, the Steve Carell. Oh, yeah, that was real. He was like, just do it. That's why there's blood.

[Greg Stone]

Funny.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, the nipple one.

[Dan Soder]

His nipples are so small too.

[Sam Morril]

Are they?

[Dan Soder]

When he does it, you go, look how tiny his nipples are.

[Mark Normand]

All right. I have to be on a train in Penn Station at 5:16. What are my odds?

[Dan Soder]

What are you. Where you go?

[Sam Morril]

What do you. Why would you do this?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Now why do you always do this.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I figured I could make it in.

[Sam Morril]

Look at his nipples in 19 minutes. So you want to just stop the episode now?

[Mark Normand]

You're saying no, we can keep going, but I could get a city bike. Just throwing it out there.

[Dan Soder]

Wait, where are you going?

[Sam Morril]

Is this maybe a thing that you might want to tell me before we record?

[Mark Normand]

You're right. You're right.

[Sam Morril]

My life story with this.

[Dan Soder]

I do kind of like him improving and leaving. Going, guys, here's the deal.

[Mark Normand]

I thought we'd be done. Mark.

[Sam Morril]

Mark and I had a dinner. He's like, I do have to get out of here.

[Dan Soder]

Three seconds, Estes. We're gonna walk in and go to GregStone.com.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I am on the the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. September 25th in LA is when it kicks off, but it goes through the end of the year. We're gonna be announcing the back half for 2026 soon. Please come and see the show. It's very fun.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah. Anything else you want to plug and get a good go to? Go to the website.

[Dan Soder]

Subscribe to my YouTube. YouTube.

[Mark Normand]

Great podcast.

[Sam Morril]

Barcelona, Liverpool.

[Dan Soder]

Are you guys doing all these together?

[Sam Morril]

No.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Sam Morril]

Amsterdam, Berlin. Back to wise guys for a second time. I love it.

[Dan Soder]

I love so much.

[Sam Morril]

Reno, Nevada, the 29th. Carnegie Hall, December 4th.

[Dan Soder]

I love that Carnegie Hall. How pumped are you?

[Sam Morril]

I'll be pumped when it sells out.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but you're not doing it with the festival, right? You're just doing.

[Sam Morril]

I can't do that.

[Mark Normand]

Don't give it to him. Do it on your own.

[Sam Morril]

I'm. I'm a big fan of that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You're competing with 40 friends.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Dan Soder]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Dan Soder]

Go see McCartney. I'm going to that show, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Hey. Hell, yeah. It's a beautiful room.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

I'll be in Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin, Valley center, which is going back to Magoobies. Gotta write a new hour. Kodak and Rochester, Washington, D.C. niagara Falls, San Diego and. Yeah. All right. Markdomacami.com buy some bodega cat. Check out Greg. What do you. What do you got on my podcast?

[Greg Stone]

Welcome to talk to.

[Mark Normand]

There you go. Check out the podcast. It's hilarious. Handsome dude looking good. Hey, with a Libby and DeVito. Nothing wrong with that. Funny people. All right, thank you, folks. Thanks, boys. I got a train to catch.

[Sam Morril]

You're not making that choo choo.

[Greg Stone]

That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna text you from the train. Sunday's the day for my next bender.

[Dan Soder]

A bit of piva wreck.

[Mark Normand]

You know, the fear juice close.

[Dan Soder]

I've had a little too much burping and Norman's talking shit about the fucking.

[Mark Normand]

Pope and I get down in the.

[Dan Soder]

Same way up on the roof like a cops come and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look.

[Mark Normand]

Like I remember her and I get.

[Dan Soder]

Down in the same way.

[Mark Normand]

We might be true.