We Might Be Drunk — Ep 256: "Can You Tell Me How to Get… to the Bar?"

Date: October 27, 2025
Hosts: Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Guests: Tom Segura, Shane Gillis, Chris Distefano, Sal Vulcano, Gary Veeder, Emilio

Overview

This Halloween-themed We Might Be Drunk episode brings together NYC comedic heavyweights—along with guest Tom Segura—for a lively, unfiltered roundtable of irreverence. The crew dons costumes (Bert and Ernie heads make an appearance), passes around syringes of "Bloody Manhattans," and plunges into nostalgia, pop culture, the business of children's entertainment, parenthood, notorious NYC steakhouse tales, and rowdy movie recommendations. Everything is on the table: from Blippi's scandalous past, to lamenting legacies of Sesame Place, to dissecting diner culture and debating New York's best Italian spots.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Halloween Antics & Costumes [00:06–05:00]

• Opening Banter: The group dives in dressed up for Halloween, joking about the cumbersome costumes and sipping pre-made Manhattans from syringes.

• Sesame Street Nostalgia: The talk quickly turns to memories of Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers' documentary, and a humorous speculation on the private lives of childhood TV icons.

  Quote:

  “I picture Mr. Rogers coming home... his kids are like, 'It's not the same, dad. We're not making believe here.'”
  — Tom Segura [02:37]

2. Children’s Shows, YouTube, & the Business of Views [03:33–10:40]

• Cocomelon & Modern Kids' Programming: The gang laments the addictive nature of new kids' shows (Cocomelon, Blippi, unboxing videos) and how these create instant, bankable content empires.

• The Money in Kids' Content: Jaws drop at Cocomelon’s 600M+ views, with comparisons to the reach of their own projects.

  Quotes:

  “48 million from five months ago… that’s more than the Brady Rose!”
  — Shane Gillis [05:28]

  “Every view is one parent going, ‘I can't take this anymore. Watch the Cocomelon, you dirty…’"
  — Shane Gillis [05:00]

• Blippi’s Infamous Origins: The crew relives Blippi’s viral past, discussing the notorious “Harlem Shake” video where the original Blippi defecated on his friend for views, and how he went on to create a $100M kids media empire despite this.

  Quote:

  “The way he shits on his friend is unreal... It shoots out like an explosion—almost like a paint... it looks CGI, but it’s not!”
  — Tom Segura [07:13]

3. Parenting, Privacy & The Internet Age [09:48–16:28]

• Parenting in Public: The group discusses whether to obscure their kids’ faces on social media, the invasion of privacy, and how accessible personal info is online.

• Chris Distefano shares being robbed and stalked: Social media info made his address easy to find; crowd discusses the general perils of overexposure.

  Quote:

  “I show him fully nude—put the thing over his beer...”
  — Sal Vulcano [14:55, joking about privacy practices]

4. Candies, Toys, & Pop Culture Throwbacks [19:36–23:44]

• Halloween Candy Debate: Nostalgic rundown of favorite candies for Halloween, disdain for candy corn, and everyone’s movie theater go-tos.

• Toys of the ‘80s and ‘90s: Talk shifts to Tickle Me Elmo, Cabbage Patch Kids, My Buddy dolls, and the uncanny creepiness of Teddy Ruxpin-type talking toys.

• Dolls to Trauma: Jokes about the origins of Chucky (Child’s Play) being inspired by "My Buddy" doll, and Tom shares a chilling (and comedic) tale about a toy talking when it shouldn't have.

  Quote:

  “One time it started talking—no cassette in there… started saying something we never heard before. Like, ‘The Jews will not replace us!’”
  — Tom Segura [21:42, clearly in-jest]

5. Theme Parks & Family Outings [22:48–24:22]

• Sesame Place Disappointment: Sal and others groan about how lackluster Sesame Place is compared to Legoland and better water parks.
• Lazy Rivers & Parenting: Vacation mishaps and highlights: Shane gets drunk and drops his baby at Atlantis while trying to manage vacation dad duties; Tom praises the Bahamas' superior lazy river.

6. New York Eats—Restaurant War Stories [50:00–59:40]

• BALATO Italian Saga: The group revisits a now-infamous, astronomically-expensive group dinner at Emilio’s Ballato in NYC. The bill exceeds $5,200, largely due to high-priced drinks and per-head charges. The story becomes a running punchline, symbolizing both inflated NYC pricing and restaurants' attitudes.

  Notable Moment:
  Group studies the receipt, shocked at $160 single drinks and water costing north of $100.

  Quote:

  “It’s the drinks where they got you… every drink was $25 or higher, $65 for that class [tequila]… they should call that out before they bring it over.”
  — Tom Segura [57:21]

• NYC Steakhouse Opinions: Hot takes on Peter Luger (“not that impressed”) and strip house being a top pick. The ‘service vs food’ debate: does rude service kill a meal if the food is excellent?

7. Movies, Spoofs, & 90s Cinema [34:00–45:30+]

• Favorite Movie Spoofs: The gang name-checks Naked Gun and High School High, marvels over the resilience of moviegoers and candy traditions.
• DiCaprio, Benicio, and REAL Comedies: Discussion on the merits of seeing films in theaters, impact of long runtimes, and the new phenomenon of “4D” movie seats (water spray, shaking during action scenes).
• Sticky-Gloves Nostalgia for 80’s/90’s Commercials: Tom waxes poetic about the branding power of old TV ads and argues for companies to bring back classic commercial campaigns.

8. Pop-Culture Deep Dives & Viral Clips [66:39–79:59]

• Liam Neeson Action Flicks & Their Clones: Speculation on why older stars do endless action movies—ego, relevance, and "staying fuckable."

• Instant Karma Videos and Viral Lawnmower Kids: The group watches and riffs on viral movie clips that circulate online, including a foul-mouthed kid from "Mean Creek" and cringe 80s rap musical numbers (“Top That!”).

  Quote:

  “A little kid being that hateful is insane. It’s kind of shocking.”
  — Chris Distefano [75:25]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Audience Tastes:

  “Kids don’t watch... it’s all YouTube, Bluey… We Might Be Drunk…”
  — Sal Vulcano [04:01]

• On Social Media & Family:

  “What’s the worst that could happen? And then they kidnap…”
  — Chris Distefano [15:08]

• On 80s Commercials:

  “Do you ever go on YouTube and watch 80s commercial compilations?… You’ll never remember them, and then you see them, you know every word.”
  — Tom Segura [46:01]

• On Blippi & Redemption:

  “If Blippi can come back, they [Ballato’s] can come back.”
  — Shane Gillis [59:01]

Recommended Timestamps for Key Segments

• Sesame Street & Mr. Rogers Discussion: 00:29–03:37
• Children’s Shows & YouTube Culture: 04:48–07:41
• Blippi’s Viral Origins Dived Into: 06:38–09:41
• BALLATO Italian Bill Breakdown Drama: 50:07–54:10
• Candy & Movie Snack Wars: 43:00–45:47
• Retro Commercials & ‘Taste Buds’ Podcast: 46:08–47:06
• High School Fights & Instant Karma Vids: 70:20–73:36

Final Thoughts & Tone

The episode is a gleeful free-for-all, blending genuine nostalgia, abrasive New York energy, and sharp contemporary insight. The comics riff on everything—parenting online, retro toys, bad service, and the curse of being both famous and recognized at high-profile restaurants. The energy is fast, punchy, and relentlessly self-aware. The tone shifts fluidly between crass humor, honest reflection on celebrity parenting, and sharp-eyed takes on generational pop culture.

Closing Vibe:
“It’s a scary Halloween. You ever just want candy and instead get a $5,000 check and a viral video of your worst moment? Welcome to adulthood.”
— We Might Be Drunk, Ep 256

Road & Project Plugs (81:00–end)

• Tom Segura: Chicago Theater, Atlantic City, Beacon Theater, new talk-show pod "Manouche"
• Sal Vulcano: Pittsburgh, Oregon, Cincinnati/Liberty Township, opening for various comics
• Shane Gillis: Magoobies, Lincoln Theater (DC), Rochester’s Kodak Center, San Diego, Prior Lake, and December arena dates
• Chris Distefano: Salt Lake City, Reno, Carnegie Hall

For First-Time Listeners

This episode delivers everything that makes We Might Be Drunk a favorite: wild stories, inside baseball on comedy and content, deep New York roots, and the knowledge that a dinner with this crew is risky (for your wallet and your dignity). Their sharp, relentless ribbing is matched only by remarkable self-deprecation and the absurdity of grown men discussing M&M commercials for several minutes straight.

Skip:

• Ads (40:20–41:36, 41:36–42:44)
• Producer/plug sections (after 81:00, unless you want tour info)

Listen for:

• The full “BALATO’s Bill” breakdown — a classic!
• Raw and funny parenting confessions
• Wild detours into the pop culture underbelly
• The funniest analysis of viral kids’ YouTube and Blippi you’re likely to hear