Ep 265: No Guest - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Summary

Podcast Summary

We Might Be Drunk — Ep 265: No Guest — Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Release Date: January 5, 2026
Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril
(With regulars Joe List, Peters, and Gary in the studio)

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Episode Overview

In this lively, no-guest episode, NYC comedians Mark Normand and Sam Morril (with Joe List, Peters, and Gary) riff on classic cocktails, touring tales, comedy-life peeves, cringey celebrity culture, and wild personal stories—all blended with their trademark irreverence and banter. The episode is a boozy smorgasbord, featuring everything from behind-the-scenes comedy gig tales to an unexpectedly candid segment about swingers parties and fetishes. The crew also share movie and doc recommendations, examine the link between power and inappropriate celebrity behavior, and rattle off classic “peeves” both petty and profound.

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Highlights & Key Topics

Cocktail Culture & Comedy Life

• Martinis and Hangovers
  [00:06] Mark recounts a martini-fueled night, lamenting the deceptively potent nature of the drink.
  Notable Quote:
  Mark: “Even a martini’s bold, because martinis fuck you… I got fucking hammered on martini. I stumbled into the strip house on Saturday. I got fucking lit up, dude.” (00:06)

• The Myth of Classy Drinking
  [00:13] Joe List jokes about martinis’ reputation contrasted with how they’re just “liquor in a cup.”
  Mark retorts: “You know who drank martinis? Churchill. He looked like shit.” (00:18)

• Gigging with Shane Gillis & Touring Tales
  [01:50–07:15] The group swaps stories about huge gigs in Tucson and Phoenix, casinos, and wild after-hours adventures. They describe the thrill and exhaustion of big crowds and the camaraderie (and open bars) that keep them going.

Comedy World & Carnegie Hall

• Mark’s Carnegie Hall Set
  [03:16] Mark gets a suit compliment from Jerry Seinfeld, recounts the pressure of performing with him in the audience, and hosting a wild after-party, where Dave Attell shows up—much to the excitement of every young comic.

  Memorable Segment:
  Mark: “You can’t really get out of your head that [Jerry’s] in the crowd… I probably—I did 50, I usually do an hour plus, but I was like, let me just… hammer.” (03:43)

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Entertaining Anecdotes & Industry Gossip

• Batting Cages & Late-Night Antics
  [06:20] Post-gig bar stories include batting cages after too many drinks, “chasing each other with bats,” and viral tweets causing surprise fan invasions.
  Mark: “Batting cages is drunk… after the first few, just like, ‘let me take one!’”

• Playing Hoops with Adam Sandler
  [07:22] Mark details playing basketball with Adam Sandler, describing Sandler as “Jason Kidd on the Knicks… not as quick, but still crafty.”
  Mark: “He had one behind-the-head pass, and everyone was like, oh shit.” (08:04)

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Pop Culture, Docs & Movie Recommendations

• Movie Rec: Blue Moon (Ethan Hawke/Richard Linklater)
  [09:38] Mark recommends Blue Moon, calling it “really funny and sad,” a one-room play-style film about Lorenz Hart. Mark: “He plays like an under 5-foot, weird balding guy… It’s like a play, it’s all in one room, the whole movie.” (10:15)

• Diddy Doc Dissection
  [11:24–19:39] The team dives deep into the recent Diddy documentary, discussing its sleaziness, accusations, and appalling revelations.

  Memorable Breakdown:
  Joe: “He got Tupac killed. He got Biggie killed.” (14:00)
  Mark: “Anyone who’s that publicly mourning is full of shit.” (15:12)

• Celebrity Culture & the Power of Fame
  [17:13] The group riff on public adoration for “bad” celebrities:
  Mark: “People do that for serial killers, though… There are women who are like, ‘I want to have your baby, Charles Manson.’” (17:57)

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Peeves, Petty Gripes & Laughs

• Jerry Seinfeld’s Peeves
  [21:43] The crew shares Jerry’s famous pet peeves, notably “being in anyone’s way” and “doing something without a plan.”
  Mark’s Story: Boxing out rude passengers deplaning, “I box him out, and Gary’s like, good.” Result: the crowd rallies around them, creating a united front against inconsiderate travelers. (22:44)

• Dating App Annoyances
  [36:12] Mark and Joe riff on “artsy” dating profiles and the irony of people posting group shots with hotter friends.
  Mark: “I’m just trying to figure out what you look like here—oh, with all the artsy shit.”
  Joe: “Let me show you how cultured I am. Like, I just want to see your ass.” (36:33)

• Tall Sandwiches
  [38:19] Mark rails against overstuffed sandwiches:
  Mark: “Guess what? My mouth doesn’t go open to here… You’re creating a mess.” (38:26)

• Browser Glitches & Password Frustrations
  [40:20] Everyday tech grievances, like browser content shifting and strong password mishaps.

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Real Talk: Swingers Parties, Fetishes & Relationships

• Gary’s Swinger Stories
  [53:44] Gary shares deeply personal stories about his former marriage, threesomes, and swinging via Craigslist.
  Notable Exchange:
  Gary: “She had a fetish that I was not into… it’s called CBT—cock and ball torture.” (56:54)
  Mark: “Oh, my God—she wanted to go Guantanamo in your nut sack. Jesus.” (57:17)

  Group discusses discomfort, envy, and emotional fallout from such open relationships, offering both humor and candor.

• The Dynamic of Desire & Loneliness
  [74:33] Discussion about singlehood, the push-pull of freedom and loneliness, and how comedians often delay or question marriage and family.

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Comedy Craft: Writing, Inspiration, and Distinctiveness

• Joke Writing Process
  [66:43] The hosts describe their approaches to inspiration (“gifts” vs. “chiseling”), the importance of letting ideas come naturally, and how environment/routine affects creativity.

• Voice and Uniqueness in Comedy
  [51:27] The panel muses on how a distinct voice or look (e.g., Owen Wilson’s nose, Jennifer Grey’s nose job) can make or break a performer’s career.

  *Joe: “With comedy, distinct can be good. I mean, look at Owen Wilson’s nose.” (51:37)

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Movies & Recommendations

• Blue Moon (Ethan Hawke): Highly recommended by Mark (09:38)
• Deconstructing Harry (Woody Allen): Strongly endorsed by Peters (70:56)
• Once Upon a Time in America (Sergio Leone): Praised for its scope, darkness, and “gorgeous” visuals (30:51)
• The Diddy Doc (via 50 Cent): “A crazy, crazy doc” (19:12), dissected at length.

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Notable Quotes

• On Dignity & Booze:
  “You know who drank martinis? Churchill. He looked like shit.” — Mark Normand (00:18)

• On Big Gigs:
  "Carnegie Hall, baby." — Mark (02:46)

• On Imposter Syndrome:
  “You can’t really get out of your head that [Jerry’s] in the crowd.” — Mark (03:43)

• On Dysfunctional Fame:
  “Anyone who’s that publicly mourning is full of shit.” — Mark (15:12)
  "People do that for serial killers, though." — Mark (17:48)

• On Relationship Extremes:
  “She wanted to go Guantanamo in your nut sack. Jesus.” — Mark (57:17)
  "That's not a fetish, that's torture." — Joe (57:44)

• On Single Life:
  “I've always said, I love being single Tuesday through Saturday. Sunday and Monday, not the best single days, right?” — Mark (75:00)

• On Comedy Writing:
  “I think you write—you have an idea and then you build off that idea.” — Mark (68:23)

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Timestamps for Segments

• Martini Riffs & Booze Classiness: 00:06–01:12
• Comedy Gigs / Carnegie Hall / Jerry Stories: 01:50–04:43
• Tour Life with Shane & Sandler Basketball: 06:20–08:15
• Media & Movie Recs: 09:38–19:39
• Diddy Doc Deep Dive: 11:24–19:39
• Pet Peeves (airports, tech, dating): 21:43–44:07
• Tall Sandwiches & Soup: 38:19–40:03
• Swingers, Fetishes & Candid Real Talk: 53:44–67:00
• Comedy Writing, Inspiration: 66:43–69:23
• Movie & Doc Recap / Wrap-Up: 70:56–79:47
• On the Road & Upcoming Shows: 84:26–87:24

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Final Thoughts

This episode is classic We Might Be Drunk: a messy, hilarious window into the backstage world of modern stand-up, full of stories you won’t believe and laughs you won’t forget. Whether they’re dissecting the Diddy doc, bickering about tall sandwiches, or making each other squirm with tales of ball torture and swingers parties, Mark, Sam, and the gang keep things sharp, punchy, and just the right amount of wrong.

“Life’s all right—Hoops with Sandler, comedy with Jerry. So you’ll be doing a movie with Woody, God willing. And on a plane with Epstein… All the influential Jews, let’s do it.” — Mark Normand (08:32)

Don’t miss the dozens of peeves, pop culture takes, and no-holds-barred bits of honesty sprinkled throughout.

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Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but even a martini's a bold because martinis fuck your. I got fucking hammered on martini. I stumbled into the strip house on Saturday. I got fucking lit up. Dude.

[Joe List]

It is weird that martinis are the classy drink because it is just. It's liquor in a cup.

[Mark Normand]

Let's start with that. That's good. Yeah, it's a good point. No, it's the dignified drink. Yeah, but like, you know who drank martinis? Churchill. He looked like shit.

[Joe List]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

He was fucking obese.

[Joe List]

He was bloated. He went to the White House. The whole staff hated him. They're like, he's walking around his underwear, he's kicking the dog, he's smoking a cigar. Like 8:00am well, dude, he was.

[Mark Normand]

Cause here's the thing. Calorie wise, they're probably not as bad if you go dry because it's just vodka or gin.

[Joe List]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

But if you're drinking that, you were drunk.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah. It's liquor and olive juice.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's for dirty. Dry is just the vermouth.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

But you're getting fucking lit up on the. I have a few and I'm fucking gone.

[Joe List]

I love them. It's a great drink.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you do feel classy.

[Joe List]

You do.

[Mark Normand]

Until the third.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then you're like, I'm a fucking drunk.

[Joe List]

I hate the cup, though. I get in a martini and a rocks glass.

[Mark Normand]

I've done it. But it's. I'll do this. See, I don't like getting that. Like a Manhattan in a. In the up.

[Joe List]

Oh, I hate that.

[Peters]

I hate that.

[Mark Normand]

Because that's not. It's too. It's a whiskey drink. Nothing brown should come in that. Fucking agreed. But you got to drink the martini out of the martini glass. It's. I like when they give you the oversized giant glass and they just give you the regular serving so it just doesn't go up. All because it's not like, who the.

[Joe List]

Yeah, of course. I'm in a packed bar here.

[Gary]

Yeah. Cheers.

[Mark Normand]

Hey.

[Joe List]

Drinking whiskey like a man in a regular cup.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But anyway, yeah, man, how you been? You on the. Were you out with Shane this weekend?

[Joe List]

Yeah, I did. Thursday with Shane. Friday with Shane. Saturday, Minneapolis casino.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, nice.

[Joe List]

Which was money grab. Yeah. Big money grab. But I got. I just walked out and I was like, Tim Walls, huh? They're like, you Somalians. Hey. They're like, so that was fun. Il Omar, huh? It's like. She's like a sister to me. So I'm her. They're like, oh, my God. They just want to hear that so bad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. They're like, it's about us.

[Joe List]

Exactly. Exactly. I was like, I drove by his house, called him a retard. They're like, so did I. What the. You know.

[Mark Normand]

So it a good gig?

[Joe List]

A great gig.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Joe List]

If you get your people at a casino, you can't really beat it. It's still just true.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Just a show.

[Mark Normand]

Reno is killer, man. I. I had a great time.

[Joe List]

There you go.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Look at that. Were you a Shane here?

[Joe List]

We did Tucson the first night, which was about 9,000. Wow. And then we did a Phoenix the next night, which was about 20. Yeah. Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Damn insane fun city. Oh, yeah. That's Carnegie hall, baby.

[Joe List]

Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Fun night. I was definitely under the weather. Man, it sucks when you. I just knew, you know, you're on the road and I had to film shit for this dumb movie I'm making. And then, yeah, I knew I was gonna be fucked up. And it was one of those things. I woke up and I was like, I guess I gotta get like an IV or something. So I did it. Got a little. Got a little jump and. Yeah, there I am with Logare.

[Joe List]

There. I like the brown suit. That's a good look.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Change it up a little bit. Gotta bring it for Carnegie. Got a compliment from Jerry on the suit, too.

[Joe List]

Yeah. What now? Was he in. Was he in seating you?

[Mark Normand]

Thank God he was not. Can you imagine?

[Joe List]

I can't, because Louie sat front row.

[Mark Normand]

I'm doing my fisting Chunk. I look over at Jerry. Is he laughing?

[Joe List]

Ah, now you get up to the elbow.

[Mark Normand]

No, he. I didn't see him. Thank God. He wrote a very nice message after a voicemail memo with his wife.

[Joe List]

Amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Very nice. And. But, you know, I will tell you this. You can't really get out of your head that he's in the crowd, of course, which is like, I probably. I did 50. I usually do an hour plus, but I was like, let me just. Fucking ham. Carnegie Hall. Let me just hammer. I didn't do. I didn't. I usually go into the crowd, although I didn't do shit. I'm like, let me just run the hour and just fucking hammer. But it was. It was. Cool guy. I did a little after party. A tell showed up.

[Joe List]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Love to see it. He was miserable. All these young comics were like, dave. And he's like, ah, Dave is like an actual cat where you just. You get him for like a second, then he runs away.

[Joe List]

Exactly. Yeah. Grumpy cat. Wow. That's incredible.

[Mark Normand]

My mom was there. Yeah. Sold it. Sold out. Carnegie Hall. Can't complain.

[Joe List]

That's unreal.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty cool.

[Joe List]

So cool. But, yeah, when I did it with Jimmy Carr, Louie's in the front row going like. He's trying to, like, start. Applause breaks. I was like, I appreciate it. That's great, but you're killing me.

[Mark Normand]

That was better than the alternative.

[Joe List]

Of course. Of course. Just him like this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe List]

He's like that bald ginger in the front. Really?

[Mark Normand]

That would be so up. You just. You go into a premise, and he's just like, yeah.

[Joe List]

He's like, I heard that.

[Mark Normand]

Fine.

[Joe List]

Yeah. He pulls out a notebook. I'd steal that. But yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. But what a night. You could just take the subway there. Yeah. Pretty cool.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty cool. I actually. I should have taken the subway. I. Like an idiot, but I took a cab. Traffic, 50 minutes.

[Joe List]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, what? How dumb am I?

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I never take. I always. I always take the subway. I don't know why. I was just like. I didn't feel 100%. I'll just jump in. I would have been way better off.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What are you gonna do?

[Joe List]

Subway's the most grew up blocks from there, right?

[Mark Normand]

No, my parents live there now. I was Chelsea then, Upper East. So I wasn't. I wasn't close to there, but my parents are close to there now. So they walked there now.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Was Veer just. I told Veder, I was like, this is your moment.

[Mark Normand]

He killed, dude.

[Joe List]

Well, he's got. Jarrett could use him as an opener. So I was like, this is a networking opportunity for you.

[Mark Normand]

Apparently, he asked for the number, so. Yeah. Yeah. So. So we'll see if. We'll see if Lil Gary gets poached. I mean, Louie already poached my tour manager.

[Joe List]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

You don't want to know what he's doing to him. But no, Jerry. Yeah. He said, Gary killed it, too. And Gary goes, that's all he said. I'm like, what do you want, a fucking essay? You open the show, you prick.

[Joe List]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

But no, he killed it. And yeah, it was. It was killer, man. It was awesome. And got. Got hammered, of course, as you do. Got an open bar after the show. Very nice, Ricardo. Thank you for that, man. Do us a party.

[Joe List]

Nice.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Well, Friday we go to. Or Thursday we go to Tucson. Shane goes, I just want to go to a dive bar, low key. After the show. We'll get a couple drinks. We'll take it easy. One kid is there. We find this diver with batting cages. And, whoa, Hunter was super cool.

[Mark Normand]

Batting cages is drunk. That's.

[Joe List]

It was great because after the.

[Mark Normand]

After the first few, just like it. Let me take one.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Happy Gilmore style.

[Joe List]

Exactly. The problem is you have about 17 drinks, and you start chasing each other with bats. So that got. We got God damn yelled at for that. But one kid is there drinking alone, and he tweets out, the guys are here. The whole bar fills up. Of course, every college student in America was there.

[Mark Normand]

Then you grab that kid, you beat him like Pesci and casino. You're like, you piece of shit.

[Joe List]

You rat the tighty whities. They put him in a hole. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, we had a great time. Then you got to wake up, you go to Phoenix the next day on the pj, and good times.

[Mark Normand]

It's not like you can't really complain about travel when you're with Shane, because, like, this is as. As Lux as it gets.

[Joe List]

It's funny.

[Mark Normand]

I brought Sandler to the fucking comedy the comics game on Sunday, which was like. It was fun as hell to walk in, you know, because he. And he played. He played hard, man. He still brings it full court.

[Joe List]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And he played that morning. He texted me, like, 9am hoops, and I was just like, oh. I didn't respond to, like, 11:30. I was hungover. I said, I just woke up, man.

[Gary]

You know?

[Mark Normand]

He goes. I said, but there's a game later today. And he goes, fuck it. I'll do it again. I'm like, God bless him.

[Joe List]

Damn. Now what's up with him and Shalamu? I saw they're playing.

[Mark Normand]

That was from a while ago, I think, but, yeah, they were doing something together. Yeah, no, he. But he was in town for one day, got two runs in.

[Joe List]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Fun. Fun to play with him, too. He's like. I told him, I said, your NBA comp is Jason Kidd on the Knicks.

[Gary]

Ooh.

[Mark Normand]

So, like, a little later in his career, not as quick, but still crafty. Makes. He had one behind the head pass, and everyone was like, oh, shit. Perfect dime. Like, Jokic was like.

[Joe List]

I was like, all right. Hell, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Joe List]

Does he. What is it? I mean, does he take you to lunch after? How's that work?

[Mark Normand]

He's so busy. He. I. He came to the game, and then he. He did a show with his daughter in town. He did, yeah. Yeah. So that night. So he was just, you know, nice.

[Joe List]

That's incredible.

[Mark Normand]

It was fun.

[Joe List]

Hoops with Sandler, comedy with Jerry.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, life's all Right.

[Joe List]

Life is all right. So you'll be doing a movie with Woody, God willing.

[Mark Normand]

And on a plane with Epstein. All the Jews. All the influential Jews. Let's do it.

[Joe List]

Wow. Yeah. So I'm still banged up. It's like skank fest. The Shane.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, dude, it's.

[Joe List]

It's. I'm riding all the way into the cr.

[Mark Normand]

I was drinking through a cold. Like, I was. I was sick. I got an IV because I was. I gotta be pretty sick to get. I gotta be pretty sick. Plus have a big gig to get.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

If I'm just sick, I'm not gonna get one. But if I have a big gig, I'm like, I need something.

[Joe List]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

But then I was like, I'm like, afterwards, I'm like, what, am I gonna not get drunk?

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's car.

[Mark Normand]

So getting smashed. And then, you know, that weekend I was like, I think I'm back. And then I. I'm pounding boost Saturday night, fucking hungover shit for Sunday for the game. And I was like, oh, I think while I'm playing basketball, I was like, I think I'm still sick.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Cuz after. After the game, I was fucking puking. I played like two hours. I was like. I was like. I'm like, fuck, gotta. Gotta play. And then I'm just at home like. You know what I watched that night though, you know, it's fucking great. Movie wreck Blue Moon with Ethan Hawke.

[Joe List]

Never seen it.

[Mark Normand]

It's fucking great. I loved it.

[Joe List]

What do you find in these movies?

[Mark Normand]

It's a. It's getting a lot of buzz, man.

[Joe List]

It's a new movie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. It's Richard Linklater and Ethan Hawke and he plays Lorenz Hart, who is. So it was Rogers and Hart and then Rogers and Hammer. Hammerstein, you know, so he was his original partner and they did like My Funny Valentine. They did Manhattan. So many. It had to be you. That's them. So he was a lyricist and you know, and then he. Yeah, dude. He plays like a under 5 foot, weird balding guy.

[Joe List]

That's Sardis, dude.

[Mark Normand]

He's fucking grading it.

[Joe List]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

It's such a. It's. It's really funny and sad. He's like a really talented but pathetic guy. And it's. It's like a play. It's all in one room, the whole movie. But it's Lawrence text me. He's like, you gotta watch this. And I was like, A couple other people told me Ronan. I think List loved it too. So a few people like, you gotta watch this. So yeah. Loved it. Dude.

[Joe List]

All three hard men to please in a movie. I know.

[Mark Normand]

You know, and sexually.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Got a peg run on.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Lawrence isn't bad because his hands are sweaty.

[Mark Normand]

A little jump start. Yeah.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But no, dude, it's. You'd love it. I think it's. It's up. It's up your anal.

[Joe List]

I mean, because I didn't love the Bradley Cooper Jew improv show. Yeah. What was that?

[Mark Normand]

It's a different movie.

[Joe List]

I know, but it's like a. It's New York. It's music.

[Mark Normand]

It's witty dialogue too. I get. It's up your alley for sure. And it's. And it's. I like movies that are funny, but also like, ah, this is sad. So many about. If you can hit. If you could walk that line and hit both of those. I'm like, all right. Pretty good.

[Joe List]

All right. All right. We got a new wreck.

[Mark Normand]

I'll get.

[Joe List]

I saw the Diddy doc.

[Mark Normand]

Not good.

[Joe List]

I thought it was fun.

[Mark Normand]

It's just now I don't think it was, like, well made.

[Joe List]

Oh, I thought it was pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

I watched it all. I was fascinated.

[Joe List]

All right, here's the crazy part. So I'm watching with the wife and, you know, I'm fingering her with baby.

[Mark Normand]

Oil or what you got? I guess you get.

[Joe List]

You horny Freak off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And a girl pops up from making a band or whatever. I was like, I think I went to high school with that girl.

[Gary]

Whoa.

[Joe List]

My wife's like, shut up. What are you talking about? I'm like, I think I went to high school with her. We Google it. Same age, from New Orleans. I was like, that's. Her name's Dawn Richard.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe List]

And she's just. I haven't finished the movie yet. But she's all. I think they hooked up.

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah, I don't think it was. I don't think it was a good hookup.

[Joe List]

Yeah, well, I think they were dating.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think we can go any of Diddy's sexual exploits, hookups, making this guy fuck his girlfriend. Here's my issue to the guy. Fucks his girlfriend for 20 hours.

[Joe List]

20 hours.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. 20 hour hook. I'm sure he's on fucking all kinds of drugs and stuff.

[Joe List]

Did.

[Mark Normand]

He's jacking off for 20. 20 hours. You watching your girl get fucked. And by the way, six grand, not that much.

[Peters]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

You're making a guy do a 20 hour and he's walking with 6K. And he kept doing it.

[Joe List]

Wow. Damn. Well, what they Must be watching a movie in the middle of that 20 hours. You can't. They must have a meal.

[Mark Normand]

He must. Yeah, maybe.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Otherwise you're paying overtime.

[Mark Normand]

He didn't pay overtime. Six grand is low. I also, like. I love all the dumb quotes he has in it. Even in the first episode when he's like. He was like, man, I'm judged by all these images, but if they were subtitles, it'd be. I'm like, dude, with the image we're judging you on is beating the shit out of a woman.

[Joe List]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

So what. Ow.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What's helping?

[Joe List]

It's like the old Batman show. Kaboom. Yeah. That's crazy, dude. Footage of you beating up a lady in a hotel.

[Mark Normand]

It is impressive how much he got done for, how much drugs he took.

[Joe List]

Wait a minute.

[Peters]

Did.

[Joe List]

He was on drugs?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, clearly.

[Joe List]

I think he was.

[Mark Normand]

He was sober in the beginning. Maybe you haven't got. Oh, no, he. By the certain point. And by the way, he ain't looking great either with a shirt off.

[Joe List]

No. Doughy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's weird.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Puff Doughey. He's Puffy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But, yeah, he didn't start Puffy and then he changed his name when he got Puffy.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Little weird.

[Joe List]

Then there's Fluffy. What's he up to? But yeah, yeah, he's. He's a bad dude. But it's impressive how much he like, even that basketball game. He's like, I got nine people killed. Then I signed Biggie. Then I signed Mac Miller or whatever the.

[Gary]

His name is.

[Mark Normand]

Miller. But apparently. Apparently I did. Hanging with Mr. Cooper.

[Joe List]

Yeah, he got Tupac killed. He got Biggie killed.

[Mark Normand]

Mr. Cooper.

[Joe List]

I killed him, dude.

[Mark Normand]

He. He apparently got Tupac killed. That's crazy.

[Joe List]

Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

So it's like, this is not. This is clearly a 50 cent PR stunt.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah. But apparently.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I mean, dude, do you, like, if you couldn't hate this guy anymore. He got fucking Tupac killed.

[Joe List]

I know, but the beauty is 50 cent is just like, I'm not gonna talk about Jay Z. I'm not gonna talk about Usher. I'm not talking about Bieber. I just hate this guy. Yeah, I thought that was kind of nice. He could have brought everybody in, but he just. Yeah, he focused laser focus on the dudes.

[Mark Normand]

You know what really kind of sickened me about the whole Diddy thing is his boy, his supposed boy, Biggie gets killed. He comes out at the VMAs doing, I'll be missing you just like dancing and shit. I'm like, dude, your boy died. And you come on stage and you just letting Sting sing. And then you're just going like this.

[Joe List]

He's a horrible dancer.

[Mark Normand]

Horrible dancer.

[Joe List]

But he did was dance.

[Mark Normand]

It was on par with. Yeah, with the molestations, but with the dancing, you're just like, can you imagine? Your boy dies and you fucking are dancing.

[Joe List]

Well, he didn't care about the guy then when the guy died, he used it.

[Mark Normand]

It's my moment.

[Joe List]

It's my mom.

[Mark Normand]

Anyone who's that publicly mourning is full of shit.

[Joe List]

I know. And then he told me. Sally told me. This is the craziest part about Diddy. He did all this horrible shit. And I'm sitting there going, who has footage of all this? How does he have all this filmed? He's on the phone with the cops. Him in a hotel room, all this crazy shit. Turns out he paid a guy to film him, thinking this would be good. Yes. But never paid the guy. So the guy's like, well, I'll just give it to 50 Cent, then he's gonna pay me. You never paid me. Fuck you.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Joe List]

So even in the payment, he's a piece of shit.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's the other thing is like he bullied people on his team like these. What do you do when you come up with these guys? What do you do with your crew? You take care of them.

[Joe List]

Yes, that's.

[Mark Normand]

He didn't even do that right. You're gonna be a piece of shit. And it's like all your boys are going to lay a little. Gary gets to eat. We know that. He gets his food. But. But it's literally you're boys and you're not. So who's. Who do you think's protecting you? Your own boys are getting over by.

[Joe List]

Yeah, he did that thing with the one guy with the. The dreads. Super dump.

[Mark Normand]

Kirk.

[Joe List]

Kirk something. Burrows.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And he's like, give me your 25.

[Mark Normand]

I know. You just gave it to him.

[Joe List]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Because they were scared.

[Joe List]

They were scared. He's like, you'll get it back. Of course he didn't. Horrible.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Bad guy all around. Not one redeeming. He was a good promoter.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess the parties were maybe fun. It is weird when you see those pictures though, of those young ass people at the parties.

[Joe List]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that's gotta be fucking. There's got to be some. A lot of dark shit we don't know about.

[Joe List]

There's a bad Leo shot in there too. I'm sure Leo was like, come on, man. Yeah, yeah, he had some Rough. And he would take. Oh, Diddy dies. Diddy pays for his own fear. No, Biggie. Biggie pays for his own funeral. How crazy is that? He's like, I'm throwing him the biggest funeral. And then his family paid for it. Yeah, crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy. And then he. He renegotiated the deal. And Biggie. Yeah, Biggie dies because he's like, oh, I don't have to take care of his estate. Estate or whatever. I can just. Him over.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And he dated JLo. They want to go, jlo? What the hell was that about? What, did you like him?

[Mark Normand]

They didn't know. He was just famous at the time.

[Joe List]

He was.

[Mark Normand]

I think most people just didn't know. I think a lot of people find out someone's a piece of shit. Like, usually it's like 15 years later.

[Joe List]

Sure. But he seems like such a dork. Like, he's like, come on with me. Follow daddy. We're going through my studio. And I'm like, I hate this guy. Yeah, he's just a dwee.

[Mark Normand]

You know what? It's like. It's very cringy behavior. Yeah, it was all cringy. But people go, you know what? Someone's got power. People fucking go with it.

[Joe List]

I know. People are sheep. Like, when he was getting going to the the court, all these people are outside with Post. We love you, Diddy. I'm like, who likes Diddy? He's not a talented singer.

[Mark Normand]

People do that for serial killers, though. That doesn't mean people are dumb.

[Joe List]

They're dumb.

[Mark Normand]

There are women who are like, I want to have your baby. Charles Manson.

[Joe List]

It's true. Of fame goes a long way.

[Mark Normand]

People are so. Yeah, that's the other thing. Yeah. Diddy and Ellen. It's crazy to see Ellen interviewing someone. And she's the nice one.

[Joe List]

Right, right, right.

[Mark Normand]

So, Ellen, you think your staff was treated poorly? You gotta watch this duck y. Yeah.

[Joe List]

She came back to America.

[Mark Normand]

Did she?

[Joe List]

Yeah, she moved back in.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe List]

We got her back.

[Mark Normand]

Can we get. Can we get Ellen on the show? Ooh, Ellen with Fitz. That'll be a good one. The final showdown.

[Joe List]

I hope she dances in. I'll be like, I heard you're a cut. Tell us everything.

[Mark Normand]

What does it say about dancers?

[Joe List]

Cosby, too.

[Mark Normand]

People who are dancing?

[Joe List]

Cosby danced. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Dancing people in the intro. Damn.

[Joe List]

Yeah. You can't get mad at a dancing person like dancing baby.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's charm. It's bullshit. It's not real. People always say, like, hey, Sam, why don't you dance? Maybe I'm Not a fucking predator. Oh, you ever think about that?

[Peters]

You're right.

[Mark Normand]

The dancing. Yeah, we gotta look at that. Friends cast, they might be next. Oh, they love dancing.

[Joe List]

They were all over that fountain.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that wasn't water in that fountain.

[Joe List]

It was baby oil. Wow. Yeah. Look at Kaz.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, dude.

[Joe List]

Keep your eye for dancers.

[Mark Normand]

That was a crazy, crazy doc. I mean, yeah, by the fourth ep, though, you're just like. It is weird because you love the rise. And look, I get it, but I was just like Jones and for the. Let's see the bad shit. But, yeah, it is. It is crazy to take you back. Like, man, this guy takes you back to that 90s rap shit. You've seen the Tupac, Biggie shit in so many docs. That's the only thing. But I'd never heard the angle of I didn't need Diddy got him killed.

[Joe List]

I know. And 56 has been sitting on that. He's worked on this for two years, he said, and he's been waiting. And he's so. He's the ultimate hater. He did an ABC interview, and they're like, why'd you do abc? He goes, because the only one that plays in prison.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

So I want Diddy to see it. So you're like, damn, this guy's on another level. Yeah, well, he won and he ate Zorin 50 Cent.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

He came out publicly. He's like, ah, this is crazy. What?

[Mark Normand]

Damn. So that's. Are you wrecking that? That's. That's a wreck for you?

[Joe List]

Yeah, I guess so. It's not really the only thing I've been able to see. I've been on the road so much. I mean, I'm doing this thing where I'm just grinding like crazy till the holiday, then I'm done.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah, to get new shit.

[Joe List]

Get new shit. Make a couple bucks, you know. Then the holiday. I'll take, like, two weeks off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm kind of at that point where I'm taking some time off now. I'll kick it back up hard in January, but, I mean, I'm still doing sets around, but I'm just fucking. I'm gassed, dude.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah, Gas, digital. I'm wiped. Skank Fest fucked it all up. Oh, wait, I can't say that.

[Peters]

What?

[Joe List]

Well, you're not gonna believe who donated to Skank Fest. Joe, let's put out a. Hey, I'm doing a Skank Fest doc. If you'd like to donate, hit me up. You'll never guess who donated. Take, take. I'LL give you three guesses.

[Mark Normand]

Did he?

[Joe List]

A comedian.

[Mark Normand]

Who is it?

[Joe List]

Three guesses.

[Mark Normand]

Seinfeld.

[Joe List]

That's one. Really? It's a good guess, but no.

[Mark Normand]

Gaffigan?

[Joe List]

Two. No.

[Mark Normand]

Is it someone who's done it?

[Joe List]

No. Go nuts. Get way out.

[Peters]

Louie comic you wouldn't expect.

[Joe List]

Oh, wow. Donated to the skank fest doc. What did they.

[Mark Normand]

What did they say? Oh, what did List say?

[Joe List]

She just texted him. He was like, oh, my God. Thank you. This is an honor. I appreciate it.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Joe List]

That was it.

[Mark Normand]

But she gave me a call after Carnegie.

[Joe List]

Oh, she's aware of everything.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's very nice call.

[Peters]

Speaking of Jerry, though, last week, and he gave us his peeves, but we didn't get a chance to get to them. I thought it'd be only right to just.

[Mark Normand]

And I got actually a lot of peeves.

[Gary]

Dude.

[Joe List]

I got two peeves.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, wow. So this is Jerry.

[Peters]

Yeah, Jerry's.

[Mark Normand]

So pet. Peeves being in anyone's way, It's a great peeve. And by the way, it's. Can I tell a quick story that happened to Gary and I on our flight to Reno? So I made the mistake. Look, it was a little money grab. Reno casino. But it was also, you know, great shows. I love the crowds.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But, you know, I don't want to normally fly a connect flight on Thanksgiving weekend because you just know. You know you're fucked. Oh, yeah. So we connect in Denver. On the way there, there's a little bit of a layover. We have, you know, I have a couple drinks at the bar. We're watching the Knicks game, and then I was like, all right, let's. Let's get on this flight. So we get on the flight, we're sitting there for a while, we're like, this is weird. D plane. Fuck. All right, so we're deep. We have to deboard everyone. And it's not like it's a connection. So what do you do when you D plane? You get out in order, right? There's this dad and his son who are being fucking assholes, and they're pushing people out of the way, trying to get off first. And they're from a few rows back, and we're just like, what the hell's with these people? So I see the kid and I go, fuck this kid. I'm boxing his ass out. So I get in front of him, I box him out, and Gary's like, good.

[Joe List]

How old was the kid?

[Mark Normand]

Probably 15 would be my guess.

[Joe List]

Oh, okay. So he's old enough to know better.

[Mark Normand]

Too young to fuck.

[Joe List]

Depends on the aisle.

[Mark Normand]

Depends.

[Joe List]

Or the flight.

[Mark Normand]

So I box him out, and then Gary tries to get in. He gets ahead of Gary. Gary's annoyed. So the dad tries to nudge Gary out, and Gary's pissed. And Gary goes, do you mind? I'm trying to get my bag. And he goes, oh, yeah, Mr. Big Shot. So I'm like, ooh, this guy's a dick.

[Joe List]

No one's called Gary big.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he loved it.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So then I turn around, and I didn't notice how bad it got Gary. The guy goes, what did you call me? That's when I hear it. I turn around, I go, what? And Gary goes, dickhead. Gary calls the guy a dickhead in front of his child. And everyone hates this guy, by the way, because he was being a bully.

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And Gary, you know, tiny dude, but he's got triceps.

[Peters]

Dude.

[Mark Normand]

This guy's. And he played hockey. He's not scared.

[Joe List]

He's Long Island.

[Mark Normand]

And I think, two on two, we're cooking. These guys. We're fucking, you know, 15 year old. Yeah. One of them. 15. I'll take that kid out easy. Gary, you can walk. Worry about the dad. He had a few inches on Gary.

[Joe List]

I heard he was about 6, 3.

[Mark Normand]

But everyone's got a few inches on Gary.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

But then. So it keeps getting. And then the guy keeps turning around. He goes, you gonna stop? And Gary goes, you gonna stop turning around? And then I go to Gary. I go, there's two of us to, you know, get him amped up, like, just in case. And then this guy behind us goes, there are three. And I was like, hell, motherfucking yes.

[Joe List]

Let's ride. What a hero.

[Mark Normand]

So everyone's on our side. Everyone hates him. And then this guy's talking shit. And as we get off, a flight attendant was like, can we take a photo together? So I'm like, ooh. Everyone in this fucking gate is on our side. The dad and the son had to fucking go away.

[Joe List]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

And they took a little walk, and they. And they come back. Came back on. We got back on. But I was like, fuck, yeah. Fuck these guys.

[Joe List]

Wow. And those were Somali terrorists.

[Mark Normand]

They were. I didn't want to say.

[Peters]

It's like when you turn on a heckler. And then the whole crowd is like, fuck this guy.

[Joe List]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

It was. It was pretty satisfying. We had everyone in the. In the whole area on our side. And everyone loved Gary for.

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

For talking shit. Because that's. That's the New York. And Gary, he Will not fucking. He won't let it go. He's publicly done this shit a lot. And there's a part of me, it's like, should I tell him to dial it back as a friend? But you know, you're just like, now let's see how far he takes it, man.

[Joe List]

Imagine if you got into like a United flight, video those all the time.

[Mark Normand]

All I was thinking was if we, if we get into a fight.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We ain't getting to the gig. There's not a lot of flights to Reno. We're on a connect flight. We, we were just looking in case. Cuz we were like, what do we do if this flight doesn't take off after you deboard? There was nothing. So we're like, so if this doesn't take off even tomorrow? Because we got there a day early.

[Joe List]

Oh my.

[Mark Normand]

I said even tomorrow there's nothing. So I said, I guess we're driving from Denver. I don't even know. We didn't really have hours. I was like, maybe we fly to. Yeah, we didn't. It was a. It was. We were fucked no matter what. So.

[Joe List]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

We got lucky.

[Joe List]

But. But was the guy who said. And me, was he a fan or is he just a. I think he.

[Mark Normand]

Was just a dude. I think he was a dude who just saw what we were doing and was on board with the message.

[Joe List]

Just a real cowboy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And we hours, the whole. Oh, yeah. So we were fucked. I mean, we weren't making it basically.

[Joe List]

Holy moly. Well, good.

[Mark Normand]

And then on the flight back, it just got canceled, so we got fucked on the way back too. So, you know, holiday travels tough. Anyone doing that? My heart's out to you. It's fun.

[Joe List]

Then you get to the show. That guy's front row with the kid. Wow. Yeah. I've always said Gary, quietly the manly, manliest guy I know.

[Mark Normand]

I won't go that far.

[Joe List]

He's tough.

[Mark Normand]

He's tough, but.

[Joe List]

But stoic.

[Mark Normand]

He's stoic.

[Joe List]

He holds it in until he doesn't have to.

[Mark Normand]

And he's got a lot of childhood rage.

[Joe List]

Yes, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

You had a dad that bad, you're holding some shit in. But yeah, he was. He was ready to go. I was proud of him.

[Joe List]

Oh, man. Well, I've told you my Gary story.

[Mark Normand]

Which one?

[Joe List]

One time me and him took a cab from like, like, I don't know, the seller to New York Comedy Club on fourth Street. It's like a ten dollar cab ride. Gary's paying with his credit card, puts the tip in. Want to Give the guy a dollar. He gave him a hundred dollars. And the guys. And he's like, oh, I accidentally gave you a hundred. Supposed to be a buck. And the guy goes, I don't know how to change it, man. Sorry. He's like, yeah, you do.

[Mark Normand]

And this is like a horror story for Jews.

[Joe List]

It was. Hell, yeah. And the guy's like, get out of my car, man. I don't know how to change it. Gary's like, I'm not getting out. You're gonna miss your. All the fares tonight. Because I will sit in this car all night. And I'm like, gary, I gotta go. I gotta. I gotta go on. He's like, you can go on. I'll be here. And I'm like, I don't want to leave. He's like, just leave me. I'll sit here. So I do a set. I come back, he's still in the car. Wow. And I sit back in the car with him because I want to watch. And he's like, you know what you're doing?

[Mark Normand]

You.

[Joe List]

I know you can change your piece of. And he's like, yelling through the glass. And the guy's like, I can't change it, man. Blah, blah. He keeps sitting there. Two hours go by, the guy was like, all right. And he changed. Wow. Yeah. So Gary's like, I told you. I knew it. Then he, like, spit on the car.

[Mark Normand]

It's the only time Gary's ever done an hour. I can haggle, my friend.

[Joe List]

So, yeah, Gary.

[Mark Normand]

Check out Gary's amazing podcast number one, dad. It is unbelievable.

[Joe List]

It's.

[Mark Normand]

It's done, like, a 30 for 30. It's like, documentary style. I love it.

[Joe List]

Really good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got. Yeah. Let's do some more peeves from Jerry here. Doing something without a thought or plan as well as. Oh, we talked about pet peeve. But yeah, doing something without a thought or plan. That's an interesting one.

[Joe List]

That makes sense. Sense.

[Mark Normand]

He's very regimented.

[Joe List]

Yes. Boy, is he.

[Mark Normand]

Everything about him.

[Joe List]

Yeah. We're waking up at 10, then we're going to breakfast at 11, then a movie at 12:30. Like, he's all in on that.

[Mark Normand]

I don't. I don't hate that.

[Joe List]

I don't hate it either. Yeah, but I like that too, because you ever had a group? I just had my nieces here, my dad, my mom, my brother. And it's like, what are we doing today? And they're like, I don't know. What do you want to do? What do you want to do? And we're just sitting there for, like, 35 minutes, and then eventually someone's like, let's go to the park. And they're like, I don't want to go to the park. You're like, all right, so we'll just sit here. We ended up watching how to Train a Dragon. What?

[Mark Normand]

Everyone thinks that they're being nice when they. When they offer no opinion, but you're slowing everything down. I need opinion. I can eat anything. Well, I can eat anything, too.

[Joe List]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I can eat anything through. And you're like, all right, well, just give me.

[Joe List]

Give me something.

[Mark Normand]

And then your whole family stays in eating your ass. You're like, this was a bad night.

[Joe List]

Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, what do you want to eat? I don't care. All right, let's go get Thai food. I don't like Thai food. So you do care.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Jerry. Rex, the Beatles, which. You know what?

[Joe List]

Come on.

[Mark Normand]

I think they're gonna be all right without you, Jerry.

[Joe List]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

But you know what? They are. They are incredible. But the Beatles like Seinfeld. It's like one of those things. Like, you watch the show and I said this to him, but it's like, you're like, fuck, that premise has been done.

[Joe List]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Sometimes I'll forget, and I haven't seen the episode in a while. I'm like, oh, they should go this way. And they do go that way. And I'm like, fuck.

[Joe List]

They got everything.

[Mark Normand]

They did. They hit everything.

[Peters]

Just say the Beatles are like seinfeld.

[Mark Normand]

The show Seinfeld.

[Peters]

You're totally right.

[Mark Normand]

Because it's like the Beatles, where you, like. You think of a song, you're like, the Beatles did it. Right? The show, Seinfeld, the same shit. Yeah.

[Joe List]

Great. That's a great call. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And then what's the Stones?

[Peters]

Maybe something a little harder edgy.

[Joe List]

Maybe Curb. Yeah, Curb could be the Stones.

[Peters]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting. Yeah. Peter Sellers. I mean, we've talked about this movie that you wrecked to me being there. Amazing, amazing movie.

[Joe List]

I brought up him. He didn't love it.

[Mark Normand]

It to me.

[Joe List]

No, I brought it to him.

[Mark Normand]

He doesn't love it.

[Joe List]

He was like, I. I get it's a good premise, but I feel like it's not using Sellers to his abilities. It's kind of like having Jim Carrey play a waiter or something who's serious.

[Mark Normand]

But I like when Jim Carrey's serious.

[Joe List]

You like the Majestic?

[Mark Normand]

I didn't see that one. I like him in Truman Shows. Fun, Eternal, Sunshine. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're not all gonna be winners.

[Joe List]

Same with Robin Williams. Him and Goodwill is fun.

[Peters]

You ever see Wait until Dark?

[Mark Normand]

What's that?

[Peters]

Sellers is in it. I'm recommending this to you.

[Mark Normand]

Is it good?

[Peters]

It's so good.

[Joe List]

Is this Audrey Hepburn? Where she's blind?

[Peters]

Yes.

[Joe List]

Great movie.

[Peters]

And Peter Sellers plays the heavy.

[Joe List]

No, Alan Arkin's the bad guy.

[Peters]

Oh my God, am I wrong?

[Joe List]

I don't know about that.

[Mark Normand]

Click on that. Rotten Tomatoes.

[Peters]

It's Alan Arkin.

[Joe List]

Thank you.

[Peters]

Anyway, watch this movie.

[Joe List]

It's good.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, I gotta. I got another movie I'd never seen. I don't know if you guys have seen the four hour version of Once Upon a Time in America.

[Peters]

No.

[Joe List]

Holy shit. Wait. James Woods.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Amazing. I've seen it.

[Mark Normand]

It's kind of got that like Mulholland Drive thing where it's. You're like, is this real? Is not real. There's guilt, there's drugs like opium. You don't know who to trust.

[Joe List]

It's so long.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's fucking. But I wrecked it to my buddy and he was like, man, this is crazy. It is one of the most gorgeous looking movies I've ever seen. Yeah, like every. I mean, it's New York looking as gorgeous as it could. The bridge and, you know.

[Joe List]

Totally so. And it's old New York. Chinatown was Chinatown.

[Mark Normand]

I wish, I wish you got a little more Pesci.

[Joe List]

Look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I mean, look at those shots. They're fucking gorgeous.

[Joe List]

Is that where they fucked the girl on the roof? Yeah, she shows the puss.

[Mark Normand]

There's some fucked up rape scenes in it.

[Joe List]

It's a wild movie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Remember the lady comes in and looks at all their dicks.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Joe List]

Yeah. That's my nightmare.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's.

[Joe List]

It's cold in here. What are we doing?

[Mark Normand]

She walks by all of us. She's like, you know what? None of them are gonna do that scene with comedians.

[Joe List]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

This is why we're comedians, dude. Yeah. There's so many good scenes that. But yeah, there's a couple rape scenes in it. We were like, holy fucking shit.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's heavy.

[Mark Normand]

This is dark. It's rare to see a movie where the main character rapes.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

I gotta rewatch this. It's so remember the. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want to give it away.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, maybe, maybe not. Maybe cut that part.

[Joe List]

It's open ended. Spoiler say that.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah, no, it's. It's interesting, man. I. I was Sergio Leone. Yeah, it's. It's rare that I can watch a movie that long and be like, okay, I'm hanging. Yeah, it wasn't boring.

[Joe List]

No, no, it's great. It's great. And it looks great.

[Mark Normand]

And it's. And dude, the. The score by Ennio Morricone. Is that how you say his name? God damn.

[Joe List]

Yeah. It's so good. And the kids, to me, are the best part when they're kids.

[Mark Normand]

I know, because there's something about a coming of age.

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Gangster thing where they're still fucking. Like, you think they'd have some code because they came up together, but they'll still fuck each other over a hundred percent. That's the crazy part of me is you see the purity of being kids. And you're. She even says to him when he's a kid, she's like, yeah, like, I could love you, but you're a two bit fucking hood. Like, you're scum, basically. And she could see it out of a child.

[Joe List]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Which is crazy. But I guess that's what you see. Like, I've seen those kids where I'm like, oh, that kid's a fucking problem.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just talking about my kid.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's gonna be. Fuck. He's gonna be trouble.

[Joe List]

The word is accident. No, but yeah. Yeah, that. Oh, what are you doing?

[Mark Normand]

What is this?

[Joe List]

Oh, good. It's not the Christmas episode, but I'll take it. Hanukkah.

[Mark Normand]

It's for the studio. It's a picture of your child naked, Mark.

[Joe List]

Holy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, so we all know this part of the Sopranos. I knew it was gonna be something gay. No one knew. I knew it was gonna be some kind of gay joke.

[Joe List]

That's good stuff. I got not gay, but.

[Peters]

Yeah. Signed, unreap.

[Mark Normand]

Holy shit.

[Joe List]

Yeah, you reap what you sow.

[Mark Normand]

God, so gay and pedo, which is pretty on brand with the podcast, I have to say. Well done.

[Joe List]

I'd rather be a beat up. There you go. Look at that. That's exciting. He's our guest. Poor guy's in jail right now. Like, what the.

[Mark Normand]

Is he in jail?

[Joe List]

I assume child porn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's a bad one.

[Joe List]

That'll do it. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

John Rape. That is weird.

[Joe List]

Call him John Creep was the headline.

[Mark Normand]

Was it?

[Joe List]

Yeah, of course.

[Mark Normand]

It's too easy a name. It's like if your last name is Tape.

[Joe List]

A date. Tape. Tape. What is it? Survivor.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, dude, that's. I got. I got some other p. I wrote it down. A bunch of peeves. If you guys.

[Joe List]

I Got a weird peeve.

[Mark Normand]

Please hit me.

[Joe List]

Okay, this is. This was a little outside the box.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, so is this guy.

[Joe List]

Okay. You ever the guy who's expl. Who's talking about something and you have to pull information out of him? He's telling you a story, but you're pulling information and you're not even into.

[Mark Normand]

It, and I have to just get it over with.

[Joe List]

Yeah, Yeah. I was talking to a comic, and he's like, yeah. I was like, how was your weekend? He's like, good. Did some show in Denver. I'm like, oh, how was the show? I was good. Guy had a heart attack in the front row. Like, what? What happened? I died. I'm like, what?

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Joe List]

The guy died. He's like, yeah, he died. I'm like, why don't you go? I did a show this weekend. A guy had a heart attack and died.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

I had to ask him 17 questions to get to the death of the guy.

[Mark Normand]

It's like. You know what it is? It's like you're doing the opposite of clickbait.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that should be the headline.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Why am I having to click on the article to fucking.

[Joe List]

Exactly. He's, like, edging me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Like, almost there. What else? He's like, give me increments of the story. I'm like, you should be telling me this. Why am I. So. If I hadn't asked, I would know. A guy died. It's insane. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I hate that shit.

[Joe List]

Yeah. So we. But talking to him, like, it's always like that. So it's very frustrating.

[Mark Normand]

Do I know this guy?

[Joe List]

I'm sure you do. All right, I'll tell you later. But. And I made up the guy dying story. But that's. That's.

[Mark Normand]

But that's. That's the order. Yeah, I got a few, man. I got a lot.

[Joe List]

Okay. Great.

[Mark Normand]

One is, you guys won't relate because you're all fucking in relationships, but dating profiles that are, like, artsy. So it's like, you know, like one picture. Like, three pictures of her in sunglasses, a picture of fettuccine, a fucking sunset. I'm like, I'm just trying to figure out what you look like here. Oh, with all the artsy shit here.

[Joe List]

I hate that. That's pretentious. Sh. Let me show you how cultured I am. Like, I just want to see your ass.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I'm trying to go on a date with you, not a fucking sunset.

[Joe List]

What do we do? I can see my own sunset.

[Mark Normand]

And here's another one with the same one A dating appeve. They're like, all at all the pictures. They have like an artsy job and they're all at work. It'll be like a ballerina and every. It'll be seven pictures of her, but she's like a ballerina in every picture. I'm like, is this all you do?

[Joe List]

I guess so.

[Mark Normand]

You only do ballet, huh? Well, not all my pictures are going to be on stage.

[Joe List]

Oh, all mine were really. My. My Tinder was me with Con, me with Fallon, me with Colbert, me with Cordon.

[Mark Normand]

I think I did the same thing for a while.

[Joe List]

Hey, I'm not trying to get married here. These are our tits. Conan is my tits.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. Success for a man is. Is their hot.

[Joe List]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And I get great mess. Like, what are you doing on here? You should be taken. And I'm like, I'm still a piece of mine.

[Mark Normand]

Were all like. You photoshopped all these. You're full of.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah, send her the link.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Or the. Or the. I get that a lot. There's another one I get would be like, yeah, I don't see a lot of long term potential here. And I'm like, I'm just trying to see you naked.

[Joe List]

I know you read me, right?

[Mark Normand]

What are you doing here? What's going on?

[Joe List]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, you're right. She did read me right.

[Joe List]

You know, it's also weird with those dating apps. Back in my day would be like, her with three girlfriends. And I'm like, why would you put yourself in a picture with hotter friends?

[Mark Normand]

John Fish had a great joke about that would be a girl. And he'd be, I'm the one on the right. He goes, who's the one on the left?

[Joe List]

Exactly. Great.

[Mark Normand]

Bitch.

[Joe List]

Put yourself with a salad cues Peters. You know, mix it up, look good. All my photos are with me, Joe List and Sean Murphy. Yeah. Okay. It's me, Jeff Ross, trying to think of ugly people.

[Mark Normand]

I got. I got another peeve. Tall sandwiches. Oh, I hate a tall sandwich.

[Joe List]

Like a cat's deli.

[Mark Normand]

No, cats is the one exception because it's so fucking good. And it's like there's their thing. But like. And it's also not that messy. Cats tall. It's like, dude, guess what? My mouth doesn't go open to here.

[Joe List]

What are we doing exactly?

[Mark Normand]

You're creating a mess.

[Joe List]

The burgers, they get the big burgers like that too.

[Mark Normand]

I don't. Yeah, I'm not. I like. You can go horizontal. Why are we going horizontal?

[Joe List]

Good point. It's like they're Building. Manhattan skyscraper. Give me a ranch house.

[Mark Normand]

Like, look at that. That's a nightmare to eat.

[Joe List]

Nightmare.

[Mark Normand]

You just think into the fucking mess. I can't eat this, you know, without looking like a pig.

[Joe List]

No, no. You never order sandwich on a date because there's a lot of, like, up the tomato falls out, you got mayo over here. Bacon's up your ass. You gotta. You gotta go. Or soup. Don't get soup on a date either.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's just not. It's not a manly thing to get.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking love suit.

[Joe List]

I do too soup, but it gets everywhere.

[Mark Normand]

Soup gets you through New York winters, man.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's 20 degrees that I get myself a fucking split pee. I have myself a day.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Give me some soups. What do you. What's your go to?

[Joe List]

I mean, I love a mushroom bar.

[Mark Normand]

Mushroom barley.

[Joe List]

I love rice.

[Mark Normand]

Best mushroom barley in the city.

[Joe List]

Mushroom barley.

[Mark Normand]

A Vaselka.

[Joe List]

Yeah. So good. I love vegetable beef. I love a gumbo. I love a boar. I love the cellar borscht.

[Mark Normand]

Cellar borscht.

[Joe List]

I love that borscht. It's supposed to be cold, but they go hot.

[Mark Normand]

I like it hot better. It should be hot.

[Peters]

I've literally seen Mark eat other people's borscht. He'll do a set, come upstairs, see someone left their borscht. It's so intimate. A borscht.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Peters]

And he'll just sit there and eat it.

[Mark Normand]

Soup should not be shared.

[Joe List]

No, not be wasted.

[Mark Normand]

The shortest poem of all time.

[Joe List]

Hold on. What was your first pee before tall sandwiches?

[Mark Normand]

The bad dating profile.

[Joe List]

The bad dating. Yeah. Damn, I had something on that. It's gone.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Oh, shit. Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

I got a ton of peeves.

[Joe List]

Keep going. I got more peeves. Make me think of my peeves.

[Mark Normand]

All right, I got one. Ooh, this is a real one. When the browser glitches and moves down and you click the wrong thing.

[Joe List]

That happens all the time.

[Mark Normand]

Like, you'll just, like, click on it, and then it'll like, popes up, pokes up, and you're like, I've clicked the wrong fucking thing.

[Joe List]

Like an ad or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's annoying.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking annoys me. And then this is another one to go off. That is when is when they tell you to. You, like, just fill in with a strong password. So you use their strong password instead of one you with. And then it doesn't let you in. It doesn't remember. I'm like, this was your idea, right? You told me to do this, and it's not fucking working.

[Joe List]

That shit Drives me bananas.

[Mark Normand]

I go crazy.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I had to do a contract today. It took me, like, fucking seven minutes because I wouldn't remember. And I'm like, this should take 30 seconds.

[Joe List]

Yeah. I have one password. If you figure out my one pet, you can get into my birth certificate, my ass, everything.

[Mark Normand]

Anal cavity 47 with an exclamation point.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's bad. I've got the same thing for every app because I can't do it. I've had too many, like, nope. Wrong. Not strong enough.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But then one. Here's what happens. 1. They're like. You get logged out somehow, and then you're like, fuck forever.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because that. It makes me crazy.

[Joe List]

Yeah. You know, it's the worst. Now, this is a deep, deep dive shit. I go into an app and they go youo password is wrong. Make a new password. I go, okay, I'll reset. I put the new password in, and they go, you can't reuse a password. You made me change it. And now you're saying the other one was wrong, but then you're saying it was the same one. Which one is it?

[Mark Normand]

It's fucking annoying.

[Joe List]

Tries me nuts.

[Mark Normand]

Drives me nuts. Say something there. I mean, I got plenty, dude. I can keep going. Let's see what else we got.

[Joe List]

Gavkin has a great bit about the. The weak password.

[Mark Normand]

What is it? How's it going?

[Joe List]

I can't remember, but it's like 10 minutes long. It's incredible.

[Mark Normand]

Every fucking bit of his. He said he stretches every ounce of fat.

[Joe List]

So good.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Let me see. Oh, here's one. It was raining really hard the other day, so, you know, I'm just waiting to get a cab. I was trying to get somewhere, but I was like. I was gonna walk, but I forgot an umbrella. I'm like, wait for a cab. And this person pulls up in front of me. Finally see one, pulls right in front of my building. So I'm like, perfect. And she took forever to get out. Just forever. I'm like, what is she doing? Oh, that's crazy. And then I'm like, fuck, is she crippled? Am I being insensitive? You don't want to be a prick. And then she got out, and she was just inconsiderate. She was in perfect health, and I was happy. She was, because my anger was justified.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You ever had that where you're like, oh, good. It's also good that you're not handicapped.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But also good that I get to be like, what the fuck?

[Joe List]

Yeah, one of these.

[Mark Normand]

Like, she goes I'm sorry. I'm like, all right. But that was, like, a hot five minutes. She was just, like, checking her phone. Five minutes. I was under. I was under an awning. But I'm like, come on.

[Joe List]

It was a cab.

[Mark Normand]

It was her in the cab. I don't know what she was doing.

[Joe List]

Maybe she was having some credit card trouble.

[Mark Normand]

No, she was on her phone.

[Joe List]

Okay. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

It was paid for.

[Joe List]

Damn. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I was. That was a peeve.

[Joe List]

That.

[Mark Normand]

Inconsiderate is.

[Joe List]

Is a huge inconsiderate bad. And this city's full of. Is the loud guy on the phone. It's the speaker guy.

[Mark Normand]

Speaker guy.

[Joe List]

The yelling guy. Yeah. There's so much of that.

[Mark Normand]

Inconsiderate is. Is one of the worst qualities I know Joe had.

[Joe List]

I don't want to give away his show. He had an idea for a show called Inconsider Nation, and it was about all the people you see on the subway with a booming boombox. You get to go up and go, all right, sir, will you talk to us and tell us, like, how do you. And, like, a little courtroom would set up. Like, don't you feel like other people don't want to hear this?

[Mark Normand]

The boombox. It sounds like this is about a certain race. This is more like Birth of a Nation than inconsideration.

[Joe List]

If your brain went somewhere, that's on you. But. Yeah, but it's a fun show. Like, oh, you got. You got eight bags on the seat. Let's. Let's talk to you, sir. Why do you feel this is okay? It's a funny idea.

[Mark Normand]

That guy's gonna kick your ass. One of those guys will kick your ass, because they're clearly. Some of these people are just crazy.

[Joe List]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

I was on the train last night, and there was a guy who was just. Clearly, he was just, like, going nuts. Like, oh, it's like, here's a good thing about crazy people in New York. It's like a bomb. You see the explosion coming a few minutes away. Oh, he's muttering, saying awful shit.

[Joe List]

Yeah, there will.

[Mark Normand]

And I saw him explode. I saw these people run off, and I was like. I got up a couple minutes early. I knew. I knew to go to the other train, but smart.

[Joe List]

And then people go. Everybody in New York just stands there and does nothing. It's like, hey, it's because it happens twice a minute, twice a day. And two. He's crazy. What am I gonna do? Go, sir, you're being inappropriate. He's not gonna go. You got it. Sorry about that. I Had a moment? No. He's gonna stab you.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Oh, man. I was with a New Yorker once, and he talked shit to a crazy guy. I go, what is it, your fucking first day? You don't talk shit. They're insane.

[Joe List]

They're like.

[Peters]

I said, dickhead.

[Gary]

It was.

[Mark Normand]

It was Steve Fabricant from the Cellar outside. Steve. If you go to the seller, he's a firecracker, but he talks shit to a crazy guy.

[Joe List]

Guy.

[Mark Normand]

And he goes, that's what you do. I go, that's not what you do. You let him walk by, you think they're picking up on your sarcasm?

[Joe List]

Right? Right. It's like when I got the CD off that guy. And you're like, what are you doing?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Oh, that was bad.

[Mark Normand]

What do you do?

[Joe List]

A guy walked by, and he goes, I got CDs. I guess he was giving out CDs. And I was like, I didn't want a CD, but I was, like, trying to get rid of the guy. So I was like, all right, I'll take a cd. He goes, let me sign it for you.

[Mark Normand]

No, that's amateur.

[Joe List]

Signed it and I took it. He goes, that's 50 bucks.

[Mark Normand]

I told him, I know. No, I was like. It was like, in slow motion. I was like, don't take it. Yeah, he's trying to scam you.

[Joe List]

I was trying to get away from the guy. So I was like, yeah, give me the CD so I can keep walking. But, yeah, I up.

[Mark Normand]

You can't. Yeah, that's the oldest trick in the book.

[Joe List]

Day one, the scam. That's New Orleans. But I can tell you where you got your shoes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

On your feet. Then you got. Oh, the guy. Five bucks.

[Mark Normand]

You're like, that wasn't worth $5.

[Joe List]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, sure it was.

[Joe List]

It works, though. You get some Cleveland guy in there. Now, we had a bed at breakfast.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe List]

Now, I want to hear what you guys think of this. So we're. We're debating on the pancake or the waffle? The world's ultimate question.

[Mark Normand]

Which is better?

[Joe List]

No, no. Which we should get. Like, we always get better is in there.

[Peters]

But that's not the bet. What's better?

[Mark Normand]

Well, what's the bet?

[Joe List]

Well, so the bet is better first. So we're deciding on, should we get a pancake, a wall. What's better? And then I go, well, it's the same batter. And he's like, no, it's not. They're different things. And he's like, a waffle tastes better, but a pancake Eat more of them. And I said, yeah, but it's the same liquid that's just heated up. And he was like, that's crazy. What do you guys think?

[Mark Normand]

First off, it depends on where you are because certain places do one better than the other.

[Joe List]

Like standard diner.

[Mark Normand]

Standard diner. I'm always going pancakes.

[Joe List]

But what. What are they? The bet is, are they made of the same thing or not?

[Peters]

Is it the same batter?

[Mark Normand]

I think so. I mean, is pancake batter slightly different? I don't know.

[Joe List]

Interesting. Peters, you're an ex fat.

[Peters]

He says, same ex fat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think it's texture. I do think it's the same thing.

[Peters]

So we asked the waitress, she said, it's the same stuff back in the kitchen.

[Joe List]

Oh yeah, you owe me money, by the way.

[Mark Normand]

So it's shape.

[Joe List]

Okay, so it shaped. It's a different shape. That's it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Peters]

I mean, waffle's way better anyway. It's crispier.

[Joe List]

It's got the syrup trap. But a pancake's got a.

[Mark Normand]

There's something about a pancake.

[Joe List]

Quoi?

[Mark Normand]

Well, we do. Usually when we were on tour, we do, you know, we all get eggs and then we do pancake for the table.

[Joe List]

That's what we do.

[Mark Normand]

I like a pancake for the table.

[Joe List]

No waffle.

[Mark Normand]

Sometimes you do a waffle too. Sometimes you mix it up. Vitor is such a food cunt that he say, what are you known for? And half the time they're like, what do you. Who gives a shit? But he hits them with the what are you known for? I will say there's a diner in Portland that's the best waffle I've ever had. Sometimes you get a real crispy. I love a thin waffle. I love a thin anything.

[Joe List]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

Like a. Like a thin crust pizza. I always go thin.

[Joe List]

I always want the crisp.

[Mark Normand]

I always want the.

[Joe List]

Yeah, good point. Not a producer, but yeah, you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Now I can't laugh without hearing Adam Ray do my laugh.

[Joe List]

God damn.

[Mark Normand]

They fucking nailed us, dude.

[Joe List]

They killed us. It.

[Mark Normand]

All right, there's. So it's. It is flattering though, when it's two people who are that funny.

[Joe List]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Just nailing you.

[Joe List]

Nailing it. And they're very talented. I could never do this in a million years.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah?

[Joe List]

Well, harder, deeper. What are you going to do?

[Mark Normand]

Oh my God. Oh, God. Wow.

[Joe List]

That's. That must. You must listen a lot of hours to get that. It's crazy. Cuz I was at New York. I was in. I was at the Knicks. That's no good.

[Mark Normand]

It's close. He's got to go a little deeper.

[Joe List]

Yeah, but he's, like, out the side of the mouth. He's going like a cliche. New York guy, accents wrong. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But I see where he's going for, and I think he could. He could figure it out. But it's so funny. I was texting with Adam Ray before I saw it, like, a couple days before I saw this, and he actually told me. He's like, you know, I listen to you and Mark's POD all the time. And I said, really? And then I saw that, I was like, holy shit. Sometimes people just say stuff.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, oh, no. He listens. That's insane.

[Joe List]

Yeah, I say that to people all the time. Oh, big fan of pod. I love Cubtown.

[Peters]

So at the end of this, he has a Rogan. I don't know if you heard this. The Rogan laugh is spot on.

[Joe List]

All right, let's hear it.

[Peters]

Let's rock.

[Mark Normand]

See my same.

[Joe List]

It used to be Knickerbocker. That's good. Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

God damn.

[Joe List]

Heads up.

[Mark Normand]

I could do laughs of like. I could do a samurai left. I can do a Rogan laugh.

[Peters]

Ready?

[Joe List]

Do Rogan.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Yeah, he's good. Has Joe seen this? This is really funny.

[Joe List]

I'm sure he has. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You sling a joke at the comic.

[Joe List]

Store, we are crushing. Oh, wow, that's great.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. He goes back in the way. Yeah.

[Joe List]

Up and away.

[Mark Normand]

His laugh is infectious, but that's all I can. His voice is really specific.

[Joe List]

It's kind of Normandy.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. That is.

[Gary]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That is impressive.

[Joe List]

Very good. Very talented. Couple of guys right here.

[Mark Normand]

And you know what's impressive about both of them is they don't really use it in their act. It's like. It's like Sodor, where, like, Sodor can just break into any impression, but he doesn't because he's aware. It's like the Jim Carrey thing. Back in the day, he was doing impressions, and then he did better when he was just him.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

You know, But I always admire people who have that ability and then don't even feel the need to use it.

[Joe List]

Do you think that's innate? What with the impressions?

[Mark Normand]

I think. I think a little bit, but I think you got, like, a bit you got to work on. You gotta hone it, because you could see he's not. Doesn't quite have my voice down yet. So he's clearly worked on the laugh and then. But I wonder how they do. Do you think they. They Record it. And then, like, that was close. I wonder.

[Joe List]

I think they have an ear. I think they go, oh, that sounded right when I did that.

[Mark Normand]

God, it's fucking impressive.

[Joe List]

And then, you know, it's. The weird thing is where people go, does that piss you off, that vibe? I'm like, no, it's flattering as hell. They took the time to do me. They do it well.

[Mark Normand]

I love it. The first time I saw it, I forgot who sent it to me. It might. Might have been one of you guys. But I was. I was laughing my ass off. I laughed out loud. I was like, I can't. But I did my dumb fucking laugh out loud. It elicited the laugh he was doing.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So.

[Joe List]

So I did a Bad Friends on Saturday or Friday, and I was like, santino, do it to me. And that's really eerie when he's, like, in your. In front of you, doing you, and you're like. You're responding. And then he repeats the response, and you're like. It's like the Spider man meme. Whoa. I don't know who's who.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Joe List]

It was crazy. It is a.

[Mark Normand]

It is a talent, dude. Yeah, it really is. I mean, very cool.

[Peters]

When I'm with Mark on the street, often people don't recognize him right away because he looks, you know, like a regular guy. But when he's just talking, people are like, I heard your voice. Is that you?

[Joe List]

Right.

[Peters]

So, like, the voice is almost more distinct than your.

[Joe List]

Yeah. This voice has got me nothing. My whole life. It was made fun of. You know, women hated it, whatever. And then all of a sudden. It works.

[Mark Normand]

With comedy, distinct can be good. I mean, look at Owen Wilson's nose.

[Joe List]

True. Good point.

[Mark Normand]

Jennifer Grey changes her nose.

[Joe List]

Her whole career is gone.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

I mean, she was cute with the nose.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You love a big honk.

[Joe List]

I do. Like a schnoz.

[Mark Normand]

You do?

[Joe List]

I like a beak.

[Mark Normand]

You do? What do you think that is?

[Joe List]

I don't know. I think it gives your face something, like. To be like a Heidi Klum is almost boring.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's almost like when everything is perfect, it's less memorable.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It adds a little character.

[Joe List]

Definitely. Like. Oh, yeah, these are. These are hot. There was a woman in the show Boys. You ever watch the show Boys with the superheroes?

[Mark Normand]

The Boys.

[Joe List]

The Boys. Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Boys was a different. That was on a worst channel.

[Joe List]

I think Kevin Spacey's in that, but. Yeah, I'm just waiting. Yeah, there it is. But there was a super villain in the movie or the Show.

[Mark Normand]

I love that. We're like, every week we're like, can we get Kevin Spacey on? And every week he listens to one clip.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, can these guys stop calling me a pedophile?

[Joe List]

That's her. We got one with Jerry, with Kevin.

[Mark Normand]

Spacey there it was Claire. They called me a pedophile.

[Joe List]

Wait, that's her. No, I'm talking a crazy big old beak.

[Peters]

All right.

[Joe List]

She was in the show, boys. But I. I couldn't. That's her. I couldn't take my eyes off her because her honker was so big.

[Mark Normand]

Which one?

[Joe List]

She's got to be Middle Eastern or something.

[Peters]

Okay, got it.

[Joe List]

Give me an image.

[Peters]

Claudia Dumont.

[Joe List]

Very attractive woman. But that schnoz was distracting me from the show.

[Mark Normand]

Guess she is attractive for sure. Yeah. That mug shot, definitely one. One angle is definitely stand.

[Joe List]

They know what they're doing. Come on, lady. Turn sideways.

[Mark Normand]

So you like a kind of a Middle Eastern look too, or is it just the Persian?

[Joe List]

Persian is like the number one to me.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah. Israeli. That whole world.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Joe List]

Yeah. All the war torn, you know, have to go to fight.

[Mark Normand]

Because they're tougher women too.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They're dominating you a little bit too.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Maybe give me some Iron Dome speak.

[Mark Normand]

Speaking of Dominic, that thing.

[Joe List]

Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

Peters, can we talk about what you text us about? Sure. I mean, Peter just brought it up that he used to go to swingers parties.

[Joe List]

I know. And I was like, what, casually? In a one text?

[Gary]

Yeah. My ex wife was a little bit of a freak. So it started. We both. It was towards the end of our marriage, obviously.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That doesn't pop up in week one.

[Joe List]

No. They got married at 18.

[Gary]

She was 18. I was.

[Joe List]

Sorry.

[Mark Normand]

And was this in Rochester?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh. So these are some rough looking swingers parties.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah.

[Gary]

This is.

[Mark Normand]

This is in the back of a Buffalo Wild Wings.

[Joe List]

No, no, no.

[Gary]

So we were a little bored, so we decided to kind of open it up. We only had one threesome together.

[Joe List]

Oh.

[Gary]

Most of the stuff was heard other guys.

[Mark Normand]

It was with a chick.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Joe List]

How'd you find her?

[Gary]

Craigslist.

[Joe List]

Oh, mama.

[Mark Normand]

That's old. I mean, you can't even do that anymore, can you? Didn't they shut that down?

[Joe List]

I think so, yeah. Because it was getting wild.

[Gary]

Casual encounters is down.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Peters]

You know that.

[Gary]

Don't worry about it.

[Mark Normand]

What's it. What's the process of getting. So do you do like a submission process? You're reaching out or people. Is it. Is it like booking for the show on Craigslist?

[Joe List]

Yeah. People would post, we're trying to get cheating.

[Gary]

Yeah. You post on Craigslist and be like, we're looking for a third.

[Mark Normand]

And that's what you did.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Joe List]

And you look at photos and vet.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Oh, boy.

[Mark Normand]

So you were like, I'm on board. What do you think?

[Gary]

Yeah, basically.

[Joe List]

Wow. Damn. Who are these women? Just signing up for threesomes? I'm asking. I would like to know. She was all right.

[Gary]

The first threesome, we only did oral stuff.

[Mark Normand]

And then after that, how long does it last?

[Gary]

I think she was there for like an hour. She came over.

[Joe List]

Wow. Do you pay her? No.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, so you guys are fooling around. Is it over when you finish or do they keep going at it?

[Gary]

Well, with the swingers party, there was a lot of guys, so she kept going for a while.

[Mark Normand]

That's a bummer because you're looking at that through clear eyes.

[Gary]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You come and then you're like, oh, she gets to keep going. It's like when you're at the arcade with a friend and you run out of tokens, he gets to keep playing.

[Joe List]

Right. Right now you just hitting the joystick, but nothing's moving. We've all done that. The Simpsons game. Maybe something will happen.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Gary]

But one of the. One of my vivid memories is just hearing the sound of ass cheeks clapping from the other room and knowing the guy's railing my wife. Ex. Wife.

[Mark Normand]

Give you the Sam Kinison story about him? He swapped, apparently, with a friend, and he's fucking the guy's wife, and he comes instantly and then just have to listen to his wife get railed for, like, hours.

[Joe List]

God, I'm such an asshole. I bitch about my wife, like, leaving her bra everywhere, and then this is guys getting his ass clapped.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy. So did you have any regrets after that, or were you, like, how long after the threesome proposal were you like, this isn't working.

[Gary]

We kept looking for more people. I mean, we were both emotionally out of the relationship, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

You're such a normal, stand up, normal guy. It's so weird that you had. That's your past.

[Gary]

So she had a fetish that I was not into. And so that kind of, like, opened the door because she wanted to do it. And I was like, I don't want to do that.

[Joe List]

Which is.

[Gary]

It's called cbt.

[Joe List]

Cbt?

[Gary]

It stands for. For ball torture. Literally tying your balls up and hitting them with stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God.

[Joe List]

What the.

[Gary]

She wanted to do it to me.

[Joe List]

What Is she an isis?

[Gary]

We did do it. We did do it once. And I said, I'm not interested in it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. Get rid of that.

[Joe List]

Oh, God.

[Mark Normand]

She wanted to go Guantanamo in your nut sack. Jesus.

[Joe List]

I know, right? How is that a fetish? That's like torture.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I mean, it's a fetish. That's what some people are into that clearly.

[Peters]

Why is she into it?

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah, he's supposed to be into it.

[Gary]

Be the one to be tied up.

[Joe List]

Yeah, that's like going, oh, I like hitting a woman in the eye. I'm not a wife beater. It's a fetish.

[Mark Normand]

You're right. It is torture.

[Joe List]

It's torture. Yeah. You're just a violent person.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I guess some women might be in a. Abuse, yes, but it's. It is torture.

[Joe List]

That's torture. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe List]

Oh, I like beating up kids. What? That's a fetish. The kids. Some kids like it. That's crazy. That's not a fetish.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy. Did you have anything that you were into that she wasn't or.

[Gary]

No, I. She was not into facials.

[Joe List]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Peters]

I mean, how could she not be.

[Mark Normand]

A facial seems so prude after what we just saw.

[Joe List]

Jesus, my balls.

[Gary]

I got to find a girl to give a facial to, and she got to find a guy to beat up. So that was the main.

[Joe List]

All right, swapping.

[Mark Normand]

That is hilarious that you just, like, joyfully come on a woman, and then the other room you hear a guy like, no, please.

[Joe List]

Yeah, that's kind of good news. If she wants to have a threesome with a guy, you're like, come on over, buddy. Get your balls ready to.

[Gary]

Yeah, there was usually not sex for them. It was usually just tying them up and hitting them for a while.

[Mark Normand]

Did you ever ask why she was into this?

[Gary]

I did not. I mean, she had some dad issues.

[Joe List]

You don't say.

[Mark Normand]

I do too. I don't like getting tortured.

[Joe List]

What?

[Mark Normand]

So how far into the relationship did she reveal this fetish to you? Because that's probably a tough one for her to bring up.

[Joe List]

Yeah, sure.

[Gary]

That was pretty early. Maybe a year ish in.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

I'll proud of you for doing it once. I mean, just the word ball torture. I'd be like, I'm gonna skip this.

[Gary]

Actually, no, I think she brought it up very early because we were, like, texting and stuff first.

[Mark Normand]

That's one that should be in your dating profile. Yeah, I don't want to find that out in four weeks or after I like you.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Gary]

The way I found out about it now I remember is that she said, send me a picture of your dick with a Q tip inside it.

[Joe List]

You did it.

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Joe List]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

My dick just shrunk inside my body.

[Gary]

Bring up these pictures.

[Mark Normand]

See?

[Gary]

Liked sounding.

[Mark Normand]

No, no, no. I don't want to see this sounding.

[Gary]

I don't want to ruin the surprise.

[Joe List]

Oh, no, I'm scared. Oh, no.

[Gary]

It's putting things inside your wreath.

[Mark Normand]

No, I don't want to see this.

[Joe List]

I don't want to see it. Wait, that's a chick.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God. What are we doing?

[Joe List]

How's it going? Sounding.

[Peters]

You hit it like a.

[Mark Normand]

And how did she bring it up? Was she at all embarrassed to bring it up or was she like, this is just something I like?

[Gary]

Oh, she was pretty open about it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, brother.

[Joe List]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

I love. I love being into something insane and then just being like, honey, you know, it'd be fun.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

If you. We stuck a gerbil up your ass and you're just like. I just think, yeah. What the fuck, dude?

[Joe List]

Sounding.

[Mark Normand]

Were you freaked out by the parties? Because I. I can only imagine going to a party like this at one point. Maybe you're excited or maybe nervous at first, but after you nut, you've got to be like, what the. Because I feel, like, shame. Just jerking off, right. Just for, like, wasting time, say, you know, like. So I can't imagine, like, at a. At a party, you know?

[Gary]

Yeah, it definitely wasn't fun for hours. It wasn't hours of fun.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So you just stay there for while.

[Gary]

She just chaperone so she doesn't get murdered or something.

[Joe List]

Oh, man. Were you drinking?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Oh, you got a drink.

[Gary]

But I was driving, so I didn't get drunk, so.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, this is fascinating.

[Joe List]

This is wild. Who knew?

[Mark Normand]

I'm fascinated.

[Joe List]

The quietest guy in here.

[Mark Normand]

You were like, to me, you're such a responsible, normal guy, but I guess you just never know people. Normal people have fetishes and stuff.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

You know? Yeah.

[Peters]

John Reap. So, quick question.

[Mark Normand]

We're not calling that one a fetish.

[Joe List]

I mean, it's better than ball torture, maybe.

[Peters]

So wait a minute. So she. The first interaction is, can you send a picture of a Q tip in your penis hole? And then you're like, let's see each other more.

[Joe List]

Well, very cute. I guess so. You're right.

[Mark Normand]

Hot women can get away with a lot. A guy sends you that shit, you're just like, what?

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Because there is more of a safety issue with women.

[Joe List]

Right? Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

But that is shocking to me. The Q tip thing, that's like on.

[Joe List]

The packet of Q tip, it says don't put in your ear. They should keep going with that warning.

[Mark Normand]

Does it say that?

[Joe List]

Yeah. Why? Yeah, cuz they're just trying not to get sued. Obviously. Everyone's putting it in their ear, but it says do not place inside of ear. Pull it up.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know at Petco on the gerbil tank it says don't put in your ass.

[Joe List]

Everyone's doing it but, you know, for gear. Poor Richard. Gear. I'll never live it down.

[Mark Normand]

You can't escape it.

[Joe List]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Neither can that gerbil.

[Joe List]

There you go. You should not put Q tips inside your ear canal.

[Mark Normand]

God. So is that, I mean, obviously. Don't you do that every day?

[Joe List]

Of course, all the time.

[Mark Normand]

I did it today, but we shouldn't be doing it.

[Joe List]

That's what they say.

[Peters]

It's like camps down the wax and makes it worse. More build up.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I've heard people say, you go to a place to get it clean, cleared out. Do you do that?

[Joe List]

I've heard that, but now I don't do that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I've never done it.

[Joe List]

Now I've heard. You ever heard the candle?

[Mark Normand]

Fuck that shit.

[Joe List]

I tried that once.

[Peters]

What?

[Joe List]

It works.

[Mark Normand]

What do you do?

[Joe List]

You put an ear candle and you light it and, and the smoke sucks the wax out.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh, fuck that.

[Joe List]

So then when it gets about here.

[Mark Normand]

You fuck that shit. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's crazy. What was the craziest shit you saw at, at these swingers parties?

[Gary]

Most of the people were like in their like late 40s, like pretty, pretty older group.

[Mark Normand]

Any, Anyone hot there? Was it not a great looking bunch?

[Gary]

Yeah, there's some, some, some good people.

[Joe List]

Oh, all right.

[Mark Normand]

But that, that's probably, it's probably like a chick in an open mind. Everyone like goes away. Like, who are you?

[Gary]

You know, I mean, I, I, at the swingers things. I never had sex with anybody else except for her.

[Joe List]

Why?

[Gary]

I didn't feel comfortable. I'm not, I'm not like a hot commodity.

[Joe List]

Sure.

[Gary]

So it wasn't like.

[Joe List]

But you're tall.

[Gary]

Yeah, I got some offers, but okay. They were kind of scary looking old ladies.

[Joe List]

Oh, damn. It's gotta suck to be shot down at a swingers club.

[Mark Normand]

It's not you. It's like. No, clearly it's me. You're here.

[Joe List]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's a sex club. Yeah, I went to the sex club in Berlin. The women Were unbelievably hot. But they met you at the door. It was like a nightclub.

[Mark Normand]

Women in Berlin are, oh, mama. And there's that whole, oh, yeah, there's that whole, you would have genocided me back in the day. So let's fucking ride.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This one's for Grandpa Mark.

[Peters]

Did you have sex in the sex club?

[Joe List]

I did. With the wife? Yeah.

[Peters]

And what happened?

[Joe List]

Well, two things. One, I look over, there's a guy who taps me on my shoulder and he goes, me now next in German. And I was like, we're good, buddy. I think it was Peters. And then I looked.

[Mark Normand]

You're doing that in public, you get. You do deserve to get that.

[Joe List]

And it's a sex life. He might have thought she was a hooker and like, you know, we were passing her around, whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

So I was like, ah, we're good. And my wife was like, huh? Because, you know, she's getting plowed, doggy, so she can't really. She's like, what's going on back? Because I'm just here to be like, I'm good, man. I'm good. She's like, what are you ordering drinks? What's going on back there?

[Mark Normand]

Your wife's like, do you mind if I torture his balls for a while? You're into that?

[Joe List]

You chit chatting? So then I was like, all right. We got rid of that guy because he was a language barrier.

[Mark Normand]

So was he a good looking guy?

[Joe List]

He wasn't bad. Really bad. But I was like, all right, buddy.

[Mark Normand]

Let'S put it this way. I stayed hard.

[Joe List]

Yeah, I did. I took a Blue Chew. I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I got.

[Mark Normand]

I've never taken a Viagra or bluechew. Where do you get this stuff?

[Joe List]

Podcast sponsor.

[Mark Normand]

Can we get some?

[Joe List]

They work like crazy, but I just.

[Mark Normand]

Figured, what do they work for? They give you like a quick round two.

[Joe List]

Quick round two.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I need.

[Joe List]

Hard all night.

[Mark Normand]

I'm getting my. My reload time is just not what it used to be.

[Joe List]

Same, same.

[Mark Normand]

It's just. It's just not great anymore.

[Joe List]

No, I need like an hour.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no, same.

[Joe List]

Sometimes, like rejuvenate.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man, it's fucking tough, man. I also, like, have a joke now about how I. How I came quickly with a woman. And, you know, it's not charming when a guy my age does that. Because when you're like 19, you can be like, I'll be ready to go in five. But at my age, I'm like, that's the show. Thanks for coming out. That's what it is, man. I mean, it's. It just ain't what it used to be. I think about, like, holy. If you're young, enjoy that.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Cuz this. This ain't getting better for us either.

[Joe List]

No, I'm more like a school shooter. I do one good load, then I get arrested, and then.

[Mark Normand]

And then you. Then you get yourself in the head with.

[Joe List]

And the kids are furious. But. But, okay. But, yeah. So begging the wife.

[Mark Normand]

I love the solo apps because we just go. We just go nuts.

[Joe List]

This girl's crying. Cops. Like, we gotta get a co. The school's like, we gotta get a cop in here. To be a teacher, the teacher should have guns. So that was the first guy. He did the test, and I couldn't get rid of him because he. He. He didn't understand me because I was English. And then I looked.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, all right.

[Joe List]

I finally got rid of that guy. And I looked to my left, and a guy's just cranking it, staring at us. Yeah. Big bald dude.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Peters]

But they could be wanting to.

[Mark Normand]

You.

[Joe List]

Maybe. Maybe. But I had to, like, rotate away from that guy. So the poor wife's.

[Mark Normand]

Getting your wife in public. Like, do you mind?

[Joe List]

Yeah. Try to have a moment here.

[Peters]

What was your subway joke about a guy?

[Mark Normand]

I told it last week with Jerry.

[Joe List]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah, well. Cause we were talking about when a punchline just hits you because it's a gift, as opposed to, like, chiseling away. But sometimes the line just hits you, and you're like, you're just on the subway not listening to music, and you're like, a gift, you know?

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I heard Tom Waits once say something along the lines, like, he hates when he's hit with inspiration. Like, can't you see I'm driving right now? God. Like, I can't get to a pen.

[Joe List]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

But now when it hits you at the right time, you're like, oh, that's cool. I love that.

[Joe List]

Do you ever have the thing where a joke hits you? It's like a lightning bolt. You're like, oh, my God, this is gonna work. This is gonna hit. Then you start thinking, how did I. What did I do differently today? The joke hit me. Then you start kind of like, trying to predict it, you know?

[Mark Normand]

But it. Yeah. I mean, Jerry said a lot of this. Like, a lot of. It's like, taking care. Like, he. When he said, like, this is your grand piano. Taking care of yourself a little bit. But also, I think, like, sometimes I just go on Adventures and do dumb shit. And then I get a gift. I was fucking drunk the other night. I got hit with a bunch of joke ideas.

[Joe List]

Oh, you gotta, like, let go a little. I think you let your brain just kind of wander. And that's when stuff hits me.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. I think when you. When you're. When you're pushing it too hard, it's like, well, that's not how I am.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's not how I am on stage. I'm like, that's like a desperate thing, right? What did Jerry write to you after about, like, how we weren't needy?

[Joe List]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I think needy is like. Like you're trying to pull. It's a desperation thing.

[Joe List]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

And when you're desperate, it's. It's like being starving. You're not as. You need to be nourished. I think you're more chill when you don't need it as much.

[Joe List]

That's true. Ain't that the truth?

[Mark Normand]

So, I don't know. I think, but I think doing different things too. Like. Like you talk about a routine, like what I do differently. I think it's the opposite. You got to keep mixing it up.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Because we don't write the way a guy like Alan Quinn writes, where he's like, I'm doing the Constitution. We're just like, I had an idea.

[Joe List]

I need an idea.

[Mark Normand]

But then you write off those ideas. Like, were you just saying with the peeve, that's how you. I think you write. You have an idea and then you build off that idea.

[Joe List]

Yes, that's exactly what I do. Yeah, but, yeah, you gotta. You gotta be free flowing. I was doing it because I. New York can wear on you. You know, the noises, the people. So I just go podcast right when I leave a building just so I can like escape a little. Little.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

And I stopped doing that and I definitely got more ideas.

[Mark Normand]

I agree with you. Sometimes I'll listen to music or something and then I change jazz. And it's better if there's no lyrics. I can still come up with shit. But sometimes just, no music's good. You're like, I know this song and it's a jazz song that there's lyrical versions of it.

[Joe List]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

So I know the words and I'll be humming them like, no, you gotta not do that.

[Joe List]

Yeah, yeah, just tune out.

[Peters]

I heard Paul McCartney say something about inspiration. He was saying sort of like, it's an antenna.

[Joe List]

And that's good.

[Peters]

Depending on where you are. You tune something and you're like, oh, I caught that one. And then.

[Joe List]

Yeah, inspiration.

[Peters]

You write it down or whatever.

[Joe List]

But that's what I'm saying. You're always like, oh, the antenna. How did I get that one? Where's the antenna now?

[Peters]

It's just tuning in.

[Joe List]

It's just tuning? Yeah. You can't really find it.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Matt's ex wife wanted to jam that antenna in his P hole.

[Joe List]

Sounding board. He said something once. Oh, shit. I lost it. My brain. I'm on so much cough medicine, my brain is.

[Mark Normand]

How are you feeling right now?

[Peters]

Rough.

[Joe List]

Well, I feel fine. It's just. I'm trying to kill the mucus. It's like, all right here, dude.

[Mark Normand]

You know, honestly, Mucinex and just pound water like a. Yeah, cuz that's. That's what I was doing all of Europe. I was sick so much of Europe and I was just like, literally just pounding water, going to the bathroom. That yellow phlegm just keeps coming out. Cuz it's an expectorant, right? So it pops it out.

[Joe List]

Whoa. I've never had that.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, dude. Yellow Fleming. And you know, I'm also not getting better because I'm pounding booze every night because I'm in Europe. I want to. I want to live it up. Yeah, I'll deal with the sick later. But yeah, no, I. Everyone's fighting some shit off right now. This is New York in the winter, man.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's bad. Hold on. You said something. That's gone.

[Mark Normand]

We're getting old, man.

[Joe List]

That's the booze.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. This is not good. We're like, why can't we write more? Like, oh, yeah, we can't remember. I can't remember three minutes ago.

[Joe List]

I blame the phone too. I've started to cut back on the phone. That. That's good.

[Mark Normand]

Apparently unisom is bad for recall.

[Joe List]

What's that?

[Mark Normand]

It's basically Benadryl. People take it to sleep.

[Joe List]

But you just told me that. Yes, Benadryl is bad.

[Mark Normand]

I take it all the time because I. Because I'm like, whoa, do I want to lose my memory? But I can't be healthy from memory if you're sleeping four hours.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know what to do.

[Peters]

I heard it's bad for your memory on the back end of your life.

[Joe List]

That's how they get you.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I've heard. Yeah. What are you gonna do?

[Peters]

Anyway, I have a wreck.

[Mark Normand]

Hit us with the wreck.

[Peters]

The wreck is deconstructing Harry.

[Mark Normand]

It's a good one.

[Joe List]

Solid Woody Allen.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, I like it, man. That Elizabeth shoe. One fine piece of ace.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Great catch.

[Mark Normand]

Is gorgeous. Yeah, it's a lot. Billy Crystal is great in it.

[Peters]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's a fun one.

[Peters]

It's like the only Woody Allen movie I can recall where he's cursing.

[Mark Normand]

I love that, too.

[Peters]

He's like. Someone's, like, talking to his ex wife and he's like, but your ex wife said that? And he's like, well, she's a.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think it was probably an angry time in his life.

[Peters]

89.

[Mark Normand]

No, it was early 90s, I think.

[Peters]

Oh, really?

[Joe List]

I think it was. I think it was 92.

[Peters]

Oh, then you're right.

[Mark Normand]

So it's post scandal, so I think he's probably angry.

[Joe List]

Yeah. Yeah. Great cat. Robin Williams.

[Mark Normand]

Kirsty Alley's great.

[Joe List]

97, man.

[Mark Normand]

Julia Louis Dreyfus in it. That was. That was kind of a hot scene.

[Joe List]

I was telling him to see where she's about to blow the guy. Sam Waters, old guy, too.

[Mark Normand]

You know, it's all Woody Allen. His idea is like, we'll just get, like a hot young actress to blow an old guy.

[Joe List]

See if you can pull that scene up. I'm kind of intrigued by that.

[Peters]

You got it, boss.

[Joe List]

Oh, Stanley Tucci. It's a. It's a hot.

[Mark Normand]

It's an underrated one. He was definitely like. I feel like people were taking him for granted this time, too, because he just put out so many bangers. That's not the scene we were talking about. Yeah, like, let's get Julia Driver's getting. He's like, how about. How about Stanley Tucci sucking on sauce?

[Joe List]

Yeah. Was that Demi Moore?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Demi Moore's in it.

[Joe List]

Whoa. By the way, she might be hotter now. Have you seen her now?

[Mark Normand]

It's insane.

[Joe List]

Unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

It's insane.

[Joe List]

I always thought she was like a pretty lady, but now. Oh, she's hot.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty lady. That's a. I've never heard someone pretty lady. You're describing Demi Moore as a pretty lady. She's in strip tease, dude.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

She was like the epitome of hot.

[Joe List]

Yeah, that was.

[Mark Normand]

Wrong with you.

[Joe List]

Good lord. Oh, that's not sandwash. That was way off about the fruit.

[Peters]

You got to go through the cactus.

[Gary]

There we go.

[Joe List]

Look at that. He's just like, I'm whipping it out.

[Mark Normand]

Know we're going to get caught. They're all by the lake. I can see everything.

[Joe List]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Who hasn't used that line?

[Joe List]

They're all by the lake.

[Mark Normand]

This is a blue shoe. Damn.

[Joe List]

Holy I mean, this is Elaine Benis.

[Peters]

In her streak too.

[Joe List]

It's.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Oh, man, this is crazy.

[Joe List]

It's cool to see an old guy do this.

[Mark Normand]

That's not Sam Waterson either.

[Joe List]

No, I was way off.

[Peters]

That's like a Eugene Levy type.

[Joe List]

I don't know who that is. That's funny to be like, I finally got in my Woody Al movie. What do you want me to do? Suck off this old guy in a bedroom?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I mean, look, first off, she's still hot too. Still Dreyus, but yeah, this is pretty crazy. I remember seeing this. I was in shock.

[Joe List]

Me too. Can you lead me down to the light, honey? Oh, man. Blind women until dark.

[Mark Normand]

Is she blind?

[Joe List]

Is that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. I want to finish.

[Joe List]

Oh, that's fun.

[Mark Normand]

That's one of the women that tried to peters at those parties. We got off this porn site.

[Joe List]

You ever. When I first met the wife, she took me home for Thanksgiving and I was like, I don't want to go to you Thanksgiving. It's too weird. And she's like, I'll make it fun, it'll be great. And we ended up banging in her childhood bedroom. Like, wow. Right before the dinner.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Joe List]

I don't know if I should supposed to say that, but yeah, it's fine.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know why I said it's fine. They'll be okay with it.

[Joe List]

It was hot.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy, dude.

[Joe List]

Crazy. Yeah, just bang right upstairs. Went right down and had turkey.

[Mark Normand]

Holy. That is pretty hot.

[Joe List]

She got stuffed. Gobble, gobble.

[Mark Normand]

Dad, I gotta. I gotta do a relationship again at some point. It's getting sad to be my age and all my friends have families and I'm sending women sup text at 9pm on a Wednesday. Maybe figure it out at some point.

[Joe List]

Well, the holidays hits you when you're single. Then you're like, oh, what am I.

[Mark Normand]

Doing in the winter? You're just like, it's like being sick where you're like, there should be someone to take care of me. Right?

[Joe List]

Yeah. And then. But summer single is the best.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I've always said, you know, I love being single. Tuesday through Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Not the best single days, right? These are good, like watch movie days.

[Joe List]

Watch a movie, make a dinner. Yeah, that's true. Well, Alexander had that great bit. He's like, I'm 40, I'm single, I have no kids, I did it, I.

[Mark Normand]

Made it through the maze.

[Joe List]

And then he goes, I get a little lonely at night. And then after that, it's great.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, loneliness. He Says the struggle between loneliness and euphoria.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Loneliness right before you go to bed at night, euphoria the whole rest of the time.

[Joe List]

Yeah. So.

[Mark Normand]

So. So well said.

[Joe List]

But then, of course, he got married and had kids.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he did it later.

[Joe List]

He did it later. Yeah. But how many. How many comics? Bill Burr, Seinfeld, me were like, kids are stupid. Marriage is crazy. What a concept. And then we all did it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. No, I probably have to do it at some point.

[Joe List]

You don't have to do anything. Live your life. You don't have to get married. Don't listen to these traditional.

[Mark Normand]

You want one last single friend to live vicariously through.

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

That's what it is. Because Veer does the same thing. Peter shows me pictures of his kids, and he's like, all right, let me see some pictures of some dates.

[Joe List]

They're the same age.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they're getting too young. When my pickup line on day nap says, what's your favorite color?

[Joe List]

Can I buy an apple juice? Capri Sun.

[Peters]

Never hear that Louis bit where he's like, people complain about things they have to do all the time. And he's like, I have to go to the bank today. He's like, you can always kill yourself. You don't have to do anything.

[Joe List]

It's true.

[Mark Normand]

That's good.

[Joe List]

It's a good point. Oh, there it is. Did you make that?

[Peters]

No.

[Joe List]

That was quick.

[Mark Normand]

Holy shit. Is that me or Norman?

[Peters]

I think it's.

[Mark Normand]

It's gotta be Normand, right?

[Joe List]

I think, as he does me. I don't know why there's two Santinos, though.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there should be an Adam. Yeah, that's definitely Norman. Actually, I don't.

[Joe List]

I don't know, but that's. That's well done, Spider Man.

[Mark Normand]

In cartoon form. We look kind of alike.

[Joe List]

Yeah, it's true. The hair, the five o'. Clock. Yeah, there you go. Well, yeah, Bad Friends was fun. Then. Then we did the arena, and those two guys jumped on the ground.

[Mark Normand]

So they. They were. They just happened to be in Phoenix.

[Joe List]

Happen to be in Phoenix. And Shane, of course. Like, I guess you guys have to come on the show, and. Boy, that crowd was electric.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, they got a fucking night.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You, Santino, Bobby McCusker.

[Joe List]

Me, Santino, Bobby.

[Mark Normand]

What a night.

[Joe List]

And I'd never seen Bobby do a set in my life. Have you?

[Gary]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

I've never seen him go on. It was fun.

[Mark Normand]

I was on Bert's tour with Bobby, and, yeah, it was. It was such a bummer because Bobby and I had so much fun the first night. Night. And then that night, he fell off top bunk on the bus, his face up, and had to leave the tour.

[Joe List]

He looked rough. Yeah. I mean, it was like.

[Mark Normand]

And that was before the picture.

[Joe List]

Yeah. That he looked like Peter's dick after the torture.

[Mark Normand]

No, there was. Yeah, it was. It was bad. Yeah.

[Joe List]

I have a theory that he almost did that on purpose just to get out of the tour, because I know.

[Mark Normand]

He hates tour, but he was so sad.

[Joe List]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

But. Yeah, I know what you mean. Those guys who, like, are just so. He's just so comfortable in la. I know he doesn't want to leave. He's got that house. He doesn't want to.

[Joe List]

But shout out to Bobby. He's doing a special in January.

[Mark Normand]

He must be shaking, dude.

[Joe List]

Oh, he's terrified.

[Mark Normand]

Pardon me is if you don't have to do it. I mean, although I was one of the guys bullying him, every time I do his pod, I'd be like, when are you doing it?

[Joe List]

Yeah. I finally got out of him. He's doing it. And I think Denver, the Paramount.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Shantino did it, too.

[Joe List]

Oh, there you go.

[Mark Normand]

Or maybe he didn't do the Paramount, but he definitely did Dental Denver.

[Joe List]

I might be wrong by that, but he's doing it in January. He's got the date, the theater's locked down.

[Peters]

Wow.

[Joe List]

It's happening. But, yeah, he won't give. He's like, Jay, Jay Renault.

[Mark Normand]

These people who are so. It's very old school. It's very old school to be that protective over your act.

[Joe List]

Yeah. And he's just lazy. He doesn't want to write a new act.

[Mark Normand]

No. It's not the same as Leno. Leno's like, I'm not giving this up. And Bobby, you're right.

[Joe List]

He does.

[Mark Normand]

Just doesn't want to.

[Joe List]

Yeah. And he's bombing. Hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

He's so funny. He'll write. But this might be the best thing ever for him if he really just take some Ls.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And does some. Do some. Do the belly room, dude.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And just work it out.

[Joe List]

Well, he killed at the arena, so he'll be fine.

[Mark Normand]

He's hilarious.

[Joe List]

He's hilarious. Yeah. I was like, do you still whip out the dick? Because I know that was his closer. And he's like, nah, I've been riding, so now it's the butthole. So he pulls his asshole out. Fun fact.

[Mark Normand]

I love it. I love that he's in a coffee shop. Like, I'm gonna flip it around this time.

[Joe List]

We're expecting the dick mister this up. Yeah. He saw homeless guys like, that's it. I got my act. Or he saw the Diddy doc. Who knows? But either way, man. Did they get to the freak off stuff? Because I haven't gotten that far.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Could that be hilarious if they didn't touch on that?

[Joe List]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

It's just like this guy's a piece of. And that you're not even gonna. No, they. They get there, man.

[Joe List]

Great.

[Mark Normand]

And it's. I mean, one of the kids was involved in it. It's. It's. Imagine doing that with your dad. My dad never even played catch with me.

[Joe List]

No.

[Mark Normand]

No. It's crazy.

[Joe List]

Wait, wait, what do you mean, dad did.

[Mark Normand]

He and his kid were doing the freak offs together.

[Joe List]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Holy moly. In fucking saying, 50 Cent, the ultimate troll. He is. Because number one, he's got to feel good. He hates this guy. And it went to number one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's also just the topic, too, is just everyone wants to see. I mean, for someone who. You forget how much he was just culturally so significant for so long. He was everywhere. I remember when he was, you know, he had that big ad campaign, Vote or Die.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And these women, you know, he also. Dude, he went great quickly, too. That's another one. That guy went fucking gray.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, faster than Obama, you know, that was crazy. And he had the. The other thing, the Sean John thing.

[Joe List]

Like, that was big.

[Mark Normand]

And all these women are talking about it like, that's the guy who fucking assaulted me. I have to look at this billboard in Times Square. Can you imagine? You're in a cab. You're like, can you take 6th Avenue instead so I don't have to see this shit? Yeah.

[Joe List]

And then the. Making the band stuff, like, everybody loved him. He was huge.

[Mark Normand]

He was just. And dude, he's. It's like, of course, if you're abusing your power in every light, of course you're going to. He's like kicking that woman out of the. I think was the girl you went.

[Joe List]

To high school with.

[Mark Normand]

He kicked her out of the band.

[Joe List]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because he's like, you just. You're not doing what I say here. But it's like, she didn't want to fuck him.

[Joe List]

Right? Right. Great. Yeah. We'd love to have you on Dawn. That'd be great. She was a cheerleader at Dillas L. Crazy.

[Peters]

Did I ever tell you my Diddy story?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Joe List]

This is wild.

[Peters]

So it's 2006 or so.

[Joe List]

He Used to carry the baby oil.

[Peters]

I was at a flea market, like, I do, and I saw, like, a whole bunch of, like, bad boy entertainment stuff laid out on somebody's table. Like some warehouse got didn't get paid for. And just all their stuff, it was, like, Rolodexes, chairs, office furniture, and a small box. Inside was 11 mini DV tapes. And I opened it up and it said, like, family values tour 2000. That was Vinny's tour in 2000. So I was like, okay.

[Mark Normand]

So he's aware, like, of the irony. He knows what he's calling it. The Family Values Tour.

[Joe List]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Peters]

So I bought, I bought them and I looked at them in 2006. I just watched them all, and it was like Diddy making a doc on himself similar to what we saw in the documentary. But this was in 2000.

[Mark Normand]

Ooh, shit.

[Peters]

But there was nothing, like, super salacious on it when I watched it in 2006. And so I was like, well, there's nothing. But I kept it because I'm a collector. And then the trial came around, and I was like, oh, I bet someone would be interested in these today. And I couldn't really watch them again because I didn't have the same thing. So I just put it up on ebay for.

[Mark Normand]

And you got it.

[Peters]

No takers. So I dropped dime on myself to the. So I called, sent them a link from a burner account and said, hey, someone's selling secret Puff Daddy tapes. I got a call an hour later. They're like, we want to buy this.

[Mark Normand]

And they bought it.

[Peters]

They said, we'll call you tomorrow. How much you want for it? I was like, they're like, we'll call you tomorrow. So they called me tomorrow, the next day, and they're like, all right, we liked it, and we want to get you for it. Oh, that's a lot of money. But I got to tell you, there's other people interested now. I can't sell it to you for. It's not even anymore.

[Joe List]

Oh, like, look at you. Yeah.

[Peters]

They're like, well, what is it?

[Joe List]

Chucking and jiving.

[Peters]

There's no other interested parties.

[Joe List]

I, I, I figured you're slippier than Diddy.

[Peters]

So they're like, we'll call you back. So I put the phone down. I was like, great. So I'm putting the phone.

[Mark Normand]

You back go yourself.

[Peters]

As I'm putting the phone down, being like, oh, I gotta text Mark about this. The phone rings. We're gonna give you, but you can't negotiate with the other parties anymore.

[Joe List]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

These guys are idiots.

[Joe List]

Well play. And they never use any of it.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Peters]

It's not in the dock so far.

[Mark Normand]

You're just adding stuff. You have a video camera up your butthole. Did he stop? Oh, you're raping me, man.

[Joe List]

The guy's like, is that a Bobby Lee bit? That is wild. Okay. For 15 soldiers for going to a flea market.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Joe List]

Well played, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, it.

[Joe List]

Let's.

[Mark Normand]

Let's plug some dates.

[Joe List]

Let's.

[Mark Normand]

Let's go out on the Diddy note. Yeah, you're going crazy, Mark. I hope we are filming a movie and you have to cancel some of these.

[Joe List]

But everybody's aware.

[Mark Normand]

Everyone's aware. Mumbo jumbo.

[Joe List]

That's the new tour.

[Peters]

December 21st.

[Joe List]

Here we are.

[Mark Normand]

One second.

[Peters]

There we go.

[Joe List]

Hey. Oh, that's a of a flight. Going to Des Moines for the Funny Bone. Work out some new material. Then we're going to Brea, California. Love that club. Love that room. Orange County. Baby Grand Rond in Oregon. That the Spirit Mountain Casino. New Brunswick. Stress Factory. Going back to Jersey. We'd love to have you. San Antonio at the lol. Remember all these rooms?

[Mark Normand]

I love them.

[Joe List]

Tulsa, Oklahoma. Never been there.

[Mark Normand]

Bodega Cat in all these rooms.

[Joe List]

That's true. That is a good call. Then I'm at the Desert diamond in Arizona. That's a hell of a casino. Indianapolis. And Buffalo, New York. We'd love to see you there. Come on by. New hour, working it out. Queef it up live.

[Mark Normand]

Mark Norman Slash tickets. Or just go to Mark's site. There we go. Yeah. What am I adding here? Yeah. Omaha, January 8th through 10th. The funny bone. Love that one. We got Washington, D.C. i'm going to the D.C. improv.

[Joe List]

That's a great one.

[Mark Normand]

Never played it in January the 16th through the 18th. I'm going to fucking Tiny Ass Zany's Comedy Club downtown. I just did the theater and I'm pumped to come back. February 5th through 7th. Maybe I'll add a night. Who the hell knows? I love Chicago, so I wouldn't mind it, but Chicago and Feb, that's gonna be dicey. We got Stamford, Connecticut. Connecticut, February 12th. Good room through 14th. And then I might add a date weekend before that. But yeah, Tampa theater almost sold out, man. Two shows for the special. February 27th. I'm considering adding a third the night before. Both almost sold out, so get on those tickets.

[Joe List]

Hell yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And yeah, very exciting filming there.

[Joe List]

So that's a great room.

[Mark Normand]

Love Tampa. It is a beautiful Room.

[Joe List]

Great theater. Killer. Killer town.

[Mark Normand]

And it's like if I like theaters where they feel close to you.

[Joe List]

Yes, yes. Love it, love it. It's cool to do the club for years and then go up and do the theater.

[Mark Normand]

And BT still messages me from the club. I love. I love side splitters. And I'll definitely go back at some point, but hell yeah, you know, gotta. Gotta go to those clubs too, man. Stay. Stay tight.

[Joe List]

Get some bodega.

[Mark Normand]

The clubs, man, you really.

[Joe List]

I know you need them, but you really.

[Mark Normand]

They're so much easier than the theaters to work out. Yeah. Because you just. Well, you just not just to work out, but to even do your a shit sometimes because you're just. You get into a rhythm that's on like a. We still like our. Our hearts club comic. So our rhythm is like clubby.

[Joe List]

When you're rolling at a club, that rolling, laughter. It's the best feeling in the world.

[Mark Normand]

Get a bottle of bodega. You hope you have a very happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Christmas. The big. The big dog.

[Joe List]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We love you guys. Bodegacatwhiskey.com and hey, we're in at so many. All these new spots in Chicago are serving bodega cat.

[Joe List]

Cat.

[Mark Normand]

I. I was drinking bodega hat at the strip house in New York the other night. I was drinking at Lartuzzi the other night.

[Joe List]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Got to come. Got to come through with me, dude.

[Joe List]

I'm down. Let's get a drink.

[Mark Normand]

Let's get a. I got a paper plane there, dude. It was killer. And I got the manager on the paper planes, and he's like, this is fantastic with bodega cat. I said, hell yeah, it is. So we'll keep rocking. Love you guys. And keep listening, folks.

[Joe List]

Happy hall. Suck it, Rizzler.

[Mark Normand]

Sunday's the day for my next offender.

[Joe List]

A bit of piva wreck. You know, the beer juice. Close.

[Mark Normand]

I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a. Cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch and New Orleans.

[Joe List]

This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

[Mark Normand]

And I get down in the same way. We might be true.