Ep 270: Kathleen Madigan

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Ep 270: Kathleen Madigan (Feb 9, 2026)

Host: Sam Morril & Mark Normand
Guest: Kathleen Madigan

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Episode Overview

In this lively, joke-packed episode, veteran comedian Kathleen Madigan joins Sam Morril and Mark Normand for a hilarious, freewheeling conversation. The trio sips whiskey, swaps comics' war stories, critiques modern vices (from vaping to bad Netflix dramas), and dives deep into stand-up’s ever-evolving landscape. Madigan brings her trademark Midwest authenticity, sharp observations, and tales from decades in the business, making this a standout for comedy fans.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Traditions and Booze: Setting the Mood

• Kathleen ups the ante by bringing two special Jack Daniel's bottles from Nashville.
• The group reminisces about guests who’ve added their signature drinks and the joys of drinking “neat or with cubeage.”
• 06: Kathleen Madigan: “You bought us both a bottle... we’ll keep them in studio. We’ll drink them, take them home.”
• Drinking quickly segues into comic wisdom:
  • A DUI, they joke, is a “good” scandal for comics compared to darker offenses.
    • [03:15] Co-host: “A DUI is a good thing for a comic to get and go public with... You didn’t diddle a kid. It’s a good problem for your publicity.”
  • Safety tech in high-end cars like McLarens gets discussed, with Madigan’s deadpan:
    • [02:25] Kathleen Madigan: “They have this special technology for if it flips... Well, that doesn’t look good. Maybe I’m an idiot….”

2. Sports Fandom, Identity, and the Business of Teams

• Madigan’s complicated sports allegiances (Titans, Chiefs, Cardinals, Rams) are rooted in Midwest upbringing and local rivalries.
  • [05:00] Sammorrell: “I’m a Chiefs person by proxy…if they go to Kansas, I’m out. I was raised to hate Kansas.”
• Critiques of public spending on stadiums versus social issues:
  • [06:25] Kathleen Madigan: “All the money—just put it in the stadium. Buffalo just built that new one and you’ve got a bad homeless problem. Nah, we’ll work on the stadium.”
• Owner eccentricities, like Amy Adams Strunk (Titans), come under fire—seen as an obstacle to attracting coaching talent.

3. Comedy World: Generations, Vice, and the Road

• Changing Culture: Madigan, in classic form, laments the rise of “queefy, sober” comics but celebrates being among “the last cool comedians.”
  • [19:03] Co-host: “You’re one of the last cool comedians. Comics are all getting queefy and sober. They don’t have any fun. You’re still living, damn it.”
• Rise and decline of vices:
  • Cigarettes vs. vaping: nostalgia and suspicion of new trends.
    • [21:01] Sammorrell: “I think you should smoke cigarettes over vaping... you’re basically inhaling a hot coil with shit in it from China.”
  • Memories of smoking in clubs and its effect on the standup atmosphere.
    • [25:05] Kathleen Madigan: “St. Louis Funny Bone—we could still smoke in that cloud of smoke.”
  • Cocaine in comedy’s “golden era”—Madigan credits her aversion to seeing lives destroyed.
    • [28:19] Sammorrell: “I didn’t do it...I would get addicted too fast. I watched people that were 10 years older than me get addicted to coke. I called it the devil’s drug.”

4. Showbiz Stories and Gender in Comedy

• Trailblazing, but Practical: Madigan recaps her journey through national comedy competitions, Bob Hope specials, and being a go-to for “Women of the Night.”
  • Showbiz inequities—particularly in sitcom and late-night hosting:
    • [37:26] Sammorrell: “Every dude that was a headliner was nothing but nice. The only disadvantage...was sitcoms. If you look at who was getting them, it was Romano, Kevin James, Seinfeld...”
  • Never tempted by sitcom stardom, Madigan describes the grind of set life as patience-testing and boring.

5. Old-School Comedy: Standup, Specials, and Artistic Pressure

• The Comedy Special Arms Race:
  • The new expectation to “turn over hours” yearly feels excessive to Madigan, who advocates a standard of three years per hour special:
    • [72:25] Sammorrell: “I think it takes three years to do it correctly, in my opinion.”
  • Cautions that Netflix and other platforms are pushing comics to put out second-rate specials:
    • [73:16] Sammorrell: “That’s why we know, when you click someone we all like—you’re like, ‘that was half-assed’...he was under some weird pressure.”
• Material Ownership and Audience Overlap:
  • Comedians feel pressured by fans who demand all-original material every show, despite not understanding the nature of road-tested closers and the need to crush.
    • [63:43] Kathleen Madigan (on critical fan): “I did like 50 new minutes before that [closer]...I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do.”
  • The overlap (or lack thereof) between podcast audiences and stand-up fans—many don’t know their favorite comics even run podcasts.

6. Touring, Life in Nashville, and Comics’ Community

• Madigan revels in her Nashville lifestyle: a purpose-built lake house, proximity to golf and fishing buddies, and the creative freedom.
  • [69:59] Sammorrell: “I built a house on that lake...eight minutes from the airport, fifteen minutes from downtown, five minutes from Dorf… It’s the most well-built house.”
• Community in comedy: From the influence of club owners and fellow comics on where to live, to the irreplaceable camaraderie among “doers” like Dorf (club owner at Zanies), and the mutual support among comics.

7. Life Reflections: Family, Children, and Comedy’s Demand

• Madigan discusses her conscious choice not to have kids, having helped raise siblings and preferring freedom and travel over the “repetition” required of parenting.
• The grind of modern comedy’s multiple roles: touring, managing podcasts, marketing, and more.
  • [75:35] Sammorrell: “Now, there’s other shit. You’re a dad, there’s career stuff. You need a social media manager...Another job with it.”

8. TV, Movies, and Pop Culture Tangents

• Amusing riffs on Netflix’s “Heated Rivalry” (“the gay hockey show”), the pitfalls of “bait and switch” sports/porn storylines, and HBO’s “Euphoria.”
• Down-the-rabbit-hole reminiscing: Melanie Griffith’s family legacy, animal tales featuring Tippi Hedren, brushes with legendary comics and figures.
  • Fun side note about collecting “Marlboro miles” for nun float-trips in Missouri.
    • [23:05] Sammorrell: “That’s how many I got. The kayak was 50,000 miles. And I did it. And they took a float trip in Missouri. That is hilarious.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy as Vice

  • [19:03] Co-host: “You’re one of the last cool comedians. Comics are all getting queefy and sober. They don’t have any fun. You’re still living, damn it.”

• On Modern Vaping

  • [21:01] Sammorrell: “I think you should smoke cigarettes over vaping. Interesting. Because vaping... you’re basically inhaling a hot coil with shit in it from China you bought at a gas station.”

• On Pressure to Create New Material

  • [63:43] Kathleen Madigan: “I did like 50 new minutes before that [closer]...I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do.”

• On Gender in Comedy Specials

  • [38:06] Sammorrell: “The only disadvantage statistically is when it came to sitcoms. Ray Romano, Kevin James, Seinfeld ... if you were black, they put you on UPN or whatever. If you were a woman, forget it.”

• On Stand-Up as a Calling

  • [72:25] Sammorrell: “I think it takes three years to do it correctly, in my opinion.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06 — 04:00: Drinking and comic risk-taking; McLaren sports cars.
• 04:00 — 07:30: NFL drama and loyalty; stadiums and civic funding.
• 19:00 — 21:00: Old-school comics versus new sober generation.
• 21:00 — 26:00: Vaping vs. cigarettes nostalgia, legendary Marlboro miles story.
• 28:19 — 30:47: Cocaine in comedy’s past and why Madigan never touched it.
• 33:11 — 36:41: Bob Hope, gig memories, generational changes in comedic opportunities.
• 54:07 — 56:57: Tardiness as comic’s cardinal sin; wild stories about late openers.
• 63:16 — 64:44: The pressure and expectations of cranking out new hours and “burning” material.
• 69:59 — 71:13: Madigan’s Nashville life; housebuilding; community and kinship among comics.
• 75:35 — 76:35: Comedy’s managerial workload and balancing acts.
• 77:03 — 77:59: Comparing careers of Ron White and comics with “grandfathered-in” followings.

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Further Highlights

• Music Recommendations:
  • Madigan champions country singer Ella Langley ("Choosing Texas"), loves Morgan Wallen, and appreciates old-school country twang.
• On Touring and Material:
  • Madigan meticulously spaces specials (about every 3 years), cautions comics against overproducing for Netflix money at the expense of quality.
• Pop Culture Tangents:
  • Amusing sidebars on “Heated Rivalry” (the gay hockey Netflix hit), WNBA fantasies, Nazi porn as comedy, and the crossover of TV/film genes.

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Takeaways

• Kathleen Madigan’s grounded, deeply lived perspective highlights both how much the comedy industry has changed and what’s timeless—funny people, dedication to craft, and real stories from the road.
• She advocates for quality over streaming-age quantity, camaraderie over careerism, and living a little (with a whiskey or a smoke) in the process.

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Perfect for Stand-up fans, road dogs, and anyone nostalgic for untamed comic energy and spitfire wit.

Transcript

[Kathleen Madigan]

Hey, we're back. We got Kathleen Madigan here. This has been the works for a while.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, I know. We keep kind of missing each other by.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I'm pumped you're here.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I like this. This is a fun vibe.

[Co-host]

Hey, thank you.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think you're one of the first people to bring booze.

[Co-host]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kathleen Madigan]

She brought us both a bottle.

[Co-host]

Whoa.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Richard Jefferson. NBA player. But he got hammered on Lagavulin. He bought some scotch. Who else came?

[Co-host]

Burt Kreisler brought some shitty vod. Oh.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Stanhope brought Trader Joe's wine. That was pretty cool.

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah. That was fun. That was a nice touch.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Is this like a special Jack Daniels?

[Sammorrell]

Yes, yes. It's a special one from Nashville.

[Co-host]

Whoa.

[Kathleen Madigan]

We gotta try some of this.

[Co-host]

Yeah, I'll swig. You bought two.

[Kathleen Madigan]

We'll keep them in studio. We'll drink them, take them home.

[Co-host]

I wish you were my mom. Look at that.

[Sammorrell]

Each kit, you're always.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Matt, can we get some glasses? Oh, nice. Should we drink it neat or on the rocks? What do you think?

[Co-host]

I like a little cubeage.

[Kathleen Madigan]

A cube?

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

ICube person, too, but I don't know if it's a bad day. I don't want the ice cube. I just want to feel it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yes.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Are you a whiskey drinker?

[Sammorrell]

Occasionally. If things are well. I love jmo. I like a shot. I don't really want to drink it all night or anything like that. A shot.

[Co-host]

It's a sponsored by McLaren, which seems a little elitist. Inappropriate. No, just like, it's a car company. Let's get drunk and drive.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Have you ever been in a McLaren?

[Co-host]

No.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I know a guy who had one. He drove me around in one. It's amazing.

[Co-host]

Really?

[Sammorrell]

I wouldn't know it if I saw it.

[Co-host]

Oh, you pull up, you feel.

[Kathleen Madigan]

So you can be going 40, and you feel the breeze in your face. Wow.

[Co-host]

I just watched F1. That's a fun with Brad Pitt.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, yeah. But it's 2 hours and 40 minutes.

[Co-host]

Is it that long?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yes.

[Co-host]

Boy, it flew by.

[Kathleen Madigan]

We should have been two hours.

[Co-host]

That's true.

[Sammorrell]

Okay.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It was fun.

[Sammorrell]

Yes. They used to, when I lived in la, they would park those in Beverly Hills and on Rodeo Drive to, like, get people to come over and then go in the store. But it was like clickbait for rich people.

[Co-host]

Totally. Totally. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Go look at the. But I mean, I went over and looked at it, and I don't even care about cars, but it was like. What's that?

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

422,000 oh, my God.

[Sammorrell]

220.

[Kathleen Madigan]

420.

[Sammorrell]

4:20.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And it's not practical. Like, you can fit nothing in there.

[Sammorrell]

Well, isn't it one of those things, too? You kind of got to know how to drive it.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like, you're just going to die.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But also. Also, they have this special technology, I think. Look this up for if it flips. Oh, look up the technology for McLaren flips. I think it's supposed to be, like, insane. There you go. Because they're crazy safe. Well, that doesn't look good.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my God. That's horrible.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Maybe I'm an idiot. I'm like, no, they're safe. First picture that comes up, there's a baby's head cut in half.

[Sammorrell]

Jesus. Yeah, Those people are definitely dead.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Cheers, by the way.

[Co-host]

Hey, cheers.

[Sammorrell]

My 420. Sweet water.

[Co-host]

Mazel tov.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, my God. That's, like, smooth as hell.

[Co-host]

Jeez. This is a problem.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Co-host]

Too easy.

[Sammorrell]

Problem in a bottle.

[Co-host]

I could drive a McLaren after this. That's good stuff.

[Sammorrell]

Can I video it for my YouTube? I just want to make the money.

[Co-host]

I think a DUI is a good thing for a comic to get and, like, go public with because it's. It's. You didn't, like, diddle a kid. Like, it's a good problem for your publicity. You know what I'm saying?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Maybe John Reap does have a dui, though.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, man. I don't even know about all that. Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

What is. Yeah. What is the deal with. Why is it good? It's not good.

[Co-host]

I'm not saying it's good. I'm saying, like, if you're going to get in trouble for. As a comedian, a DUI is. Is kind of a funny crime.

[Kathleen Madigan]

As long as you didn't do. As long as you didn't hit anything.

[Co-host]

Well, that's a good point. I didn't think about that.

[Sammorrell]

Well, I mean, I think he's saying, in comparison to child molestation, well, most things are, like, breaking and entering, like. Yeah.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

That's crazy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. It is better than hitting a woman.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Just go to my fantasy football league and look at my team. I'll tell you things that were not good.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

You shouldn't have done. Right, Rice? You don't leave the scene of the exit. Yeah. I mean, there's. Yeah. And then even. Metcalf, really? You punched a fan?

[Kathleen Madigan]

That was crazy.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. I do not care. You shouldn't be over there talking to them, for God's sakes. You're the football. Stay over Here, you don't need to get two games suspension.

[Co-host]

Two games. And now they're hurting. They're losing.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, done.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Was he looking at a huge contract right before this? Metcalf.

[Co-host]

He was their star player.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. How long is he suspended?

[Co-host]

It's a hair flick. Hold on. He tried. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

That's a punch.

[Co-host]

Apparently. Then he said. He said the N word, which was a lie. Never.

[Sammorrell]

That guy didn't say it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Apparently the guy called his wife GI Jane right before.

[Sammorrell]

But he's getting old anyway. See, I don't know how old he is, but I.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But he's still a stud.

[Co-host]

Oh yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But they're out of the playoffs anyway now.

[Sammorrell]

Damn right. It's all.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Are you a Titans fan?

[Sammorrell]

No, I go to the Titans game a lot because all my friends are down there. There's a moonshine tent, there's a Jack Daniels tent. And that's right before you get in, in, in. So you're already having fun, like. But we go to see the other teams that come to town. So like I'm a Chiefs person. Cause I'm from Missouri, like by proxy. I'm not. I'm a bandwagon. I'm really lame. And if they go to Kansas, I'm out. My fan shift is up for sale again. The third time in my life. I was a Cardinal fan. I was a Rams fan. And boom, now the Chiefs are going to go to Kansas. I don't know that I can cross that state line. I was raised to hate Kansas.

[Co-host]

Really?

[Sammorrell]

Yes. But I don't even know why. It's got something to do with the Civil War and I don't know. And then it turned into basketball and I. I don't even watch college basketball. Really. So I'm like, yeah, I don't know. But I know they're better than us as a rule. Okay, so we're kind of jealous, I guess.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Well, the lines are so murky because if you say you're from Pittsburgh, you don't have an NBA team, but you can't root for the Sixers. That's Philly.

[Sammorrell]

You can't.

[Kathleen Madigan]

So what do you do? I guess you go New York City too.

[Sammorrell]

It divides in the middle of the city.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Sammorrell]

So you think you're in Missouri, but ah, you just went to Kansas when.

[Co-host]

You got your mail.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, it's.

[Co-host]

It's like the vagina in the butthole. Sometimes you slip it. Right.

[Sammorrell]

And they're leaving us with 150 million dollar cleanup of Arrowhead. They're not paying for that.

[Co-host]

Oh, wow.

[Sammorrell]

We Gotta demolish it and clean it up and take your trash out.

[Co-host]

Well, that's fucking, Isn't that crazy?

[Kathleen Madigan]

When that happened, like, Buffalo just built that new stadium and it's like, you guys have like a really bad homeless problem. They're like, nah, we'll work on the stadium. All the money, just put it in the stadium.

[Sammorrell]

Titans are getting a new one. Somebody had a great meme they put up. Can we leave the Titans in the old stadium and get a new, new team for the new stadium? That would be so great if we had two teams. We' the other one nfc.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

And put them in a better, better division. I mean, I go, but they're so bad. And I, I, everybody thinks, I think it's the owner. I didn't know who the problem was because when it's such a show, you don't know. Is it the coach, is it the players, is blah, blah. It's really narrowed down to it's her. And I think that community is as small as stand up. There's just not that many people involved in professional football. Once the word is out Amy's cuckoo. Fucking nobody good is going, you're gonna get a young person who needs an opportunity or an old person on their way out. But somebody super talented's not gonna bother with a crazy lady. They're just gonna go, no.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Well, there's only so many vacancies that maybe they will. But yeah, you're right. Maybe at a certain point there's a breaking point.

[Sammorrell]

It's like, do you want to deal with Jerry Jones? Do you?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Grandpa's crazy and grandpa is in your face 24 7. He's arriving in a helicopter at practice. Yeah, I can't, I can't. If you're the coach, I can't do that.

[Co-host]

He's got great hair. Well, I think of the right guy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Jerry Jones.

[Sammorrell]

No, his hair is terrible.

[Co-host]

I'm thinking of Jimmy Dean.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think you're thinking of the Raiders guy.

[Sammorrell]

You're thinking of Jimmy, the other Dallas guy, the old guy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, Jones.

[Co-host]

Jimmy Jones. Yeah. Sorry.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, he has good hair. He has a lot of hair.

[Co-host]

Okay, my bad.

[Sammorrell]

So no, nobody cares about the time that guy.

[Co-host]

Look at that man.

[Sammorrell]

Jimmy Johnson.

[Co-host]

Jimmy Johnson.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, the old coach. My bad.

[Co-host]

Full head of white hair.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Ye, he looks a nice head.

[Sammorrell]

See Jerry's hair?

[Kathleen Madigan]

How about those teeth? Jesus Christ.

[Sammorrell]

Look at those veneers.

[Co-host]

How about the black face on that st?

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's not the first time he's been around Black face.

[Co-host]

That's true. Sorry.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That civil rights photo of him. No, it's a bad photo.

[Co-host]

Pull it up.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's a bad. Oh, it got a lot of heat. I mean, the Cowboys suck, man. It's crazy. That. That's like the. They were America's team. Oh.

[Co-host]

I.

[Sammorrell]

30 years ago. Yeah, that one.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Just not a good one to be in.

[Co-host]

Holy moly.

[Sammorrell]

There's a picture today. Twitter of. There's two old. Old. And it's. It's real. There's two old ladies. They're like 85. And they were the cheerleaders the last time the Cowboys won Super Bowl. And then they have the cheerleaders now look like their great great granddaughter. Like, here's the last time they want. That's how I'm like, yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Was that a Holocaust survivor? No, that was a cheerleader in the 90s. Jesus.

[Sammorrell]

But if you're stuck with them, you're stuck with them. And the bad news is I keep telling Ron because he's a Cowboys fan. I'm like, dude, there's his kid. Looks like him. The grandkids look. It never stops. There's more Jerry Joneses behind Jerry Jones. And they all look. They're square headed white guys that all look the same. It won't stop in your lifetime. Definitely not Ron's lifetime. There they are.

[Co-host]

Ron White.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That is hilarious.

[Sammorrell]

It's so funny. And it's true. They were really the original Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

[Co-host]

That's adorable. Good for them.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Looking good.

[Co-host]

Wow. Wait, so how many kids does he have?

[Sammorrell]

I. There's two boys. The girls in charge of that show. That lady I know. He has two sons, maybe three.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Sammorrell]

Google that. The one's always at his side. He's always in the boot. Well, two of them are.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That first week of football was insane. I mean, all those games were crazy. Oh, yeah, they're all pretty close.

[Sammorrell]

Charlotte's in charge of the cheerleaders as all. You would expect Jerry to do that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

This is like Yellowstone.

[Co-host]

Right?

[Sammorrell]

Right. And they are enamored with him. Like, they don't ever say when I watched that cheerleading show because I was just mesmerized that people do this. And she all in low money. So there's a son. There's a son. I don't know that guy on the end.

[Co-host]

All right, it looks like a night at the Sizzler.

[Kathleen Madigan]

How about this? Have you heard of this Netflix show? Heated rivalry, the gay hockey?

[Co-host]

Yeah, everybody, I watched them. It's horrible.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's all I know. I was watching, like, I was like, I don't think I'm Homophobic. And then like 10 minutes in, I was like, I think I'm homophobic. It's pretty rough.

[Co-host]

Well, the writing so, so bad that I'm making me hate gays. It's great in.

[Kathleen Madigan]

The lighting is bad.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I was like, born clearly. You didn't get a gay set designer here. This is like, tough to watch.

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

My friend Bob is gay. Was like, can I watch this with my mom and my nieces? I'm like, not unless the whole family's into gay porn.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Sammorrell]

Because if they are, it is bingo.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

There's not even a story, though. I try to watch it. I'm like, okay. Everybody's talking about it. These, they were the like on Fallon. One of them went on Fallon in the line to get in. That specific show was like, around the block. They're mega stars. And I'm like, okay, well, I don't care if there's some porn in here. But there's no story.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No story.

[Co-host]

No. They'll do head for like a minute and a half.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And it's more likely that this would happen in the WNBA than hockey. Oh, there's no WNBA version of this.

[Co-host]

That's a spin off we don't know hate. It's a problem.

[Sammorrell]

They got to hide it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. But I. First and second overall pick. I don't think they're fucking likely.

[Sammorrell]

Totem pole.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I just think it's. Yeah, I think you get. It's like a first overall pick maybe, and like a 59th pick.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's not the top two. The odds are insane.

[Sammorrell]

That would be too coincidental.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, the odds are insane.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

But yeah, they should do a WNBA kind of soft core. They should. I don't mean I think it's hot when the black lesbians push Clark around. That's kind of sexy, huh?

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's my fantasy Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark. That's the story. They're secretly hooking up. Everyone's like, they hate each other. And they're like, no, they're. They're scissors married.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Lesbian marriage does not go well.

[Sammorrell]

I didn't make it past the episode heated.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It was rough.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I mean, whatever the game. I don't care about all that. But I'm also bored. Like. What?

[Kathleen Madigan]

I know what.

[Sammorrell]

Or just. If you're into that, just go rent gay porn.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

Why do you need a fake hockey story that doesn't exist?

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think I prefer gay porn. It gets right to it.

[Co-host]

That's the point.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You're teasing me with Sports.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I don't like that. I didn't like the bait and switch of the sports.

[Co-host]

Good point.

[Sammorrell]

I really did think there would be somewhat of a story.

[Co-host]

No, no. But then it's Euphoria, and I can't.

[Sammorrell]

Understand either one of them. And they're naked most of the time, so their mics aren't good. I can't hear what they're actually. One's supposed to be Russian, I think.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

And then the other one is, like, Canadian. Something.

[Co-host]

I didn't. I had the sound off. I don't know the visuals. But yeah, Euphoria is a great life hack to watch high school kids, is that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I heard it's a good show. I haven't seen it.

[Sammorrell]

It's pretty good.

[Co-host]

It's pretty good. But all the kids are hot and they're, you know, in high school.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

So you get to watch them hook up and not.

[Sammorrell]

Is this, like, Netflix thing or something?

[Co-host]

As an HBO show.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, Sydney Sweeney, dude. I saw this video. These two guys arguing on Instagram. One of them's like, hot. Take Sydney Sweeney's not hot. And the other one's like, what? And I was like, yeah, no wonder we can't agree on immigration.

[Co-host]

Right?

[Kathleen Madigan]

You don't want to use like, she's ugly. Sorry.

[Co-host]

I know.

[Kathleen Madigan]

She's objectively attractive.

[Co-host]

Yeah. And then to go ugly, it's like, well, let's see your wife. You know what I mean? I love when they just go right to ugly.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's your debate tactic. Just called the wife, his wife, ugly.

[Co-host]

If you call her ugly, we got to see what your wife, mom, and sister look like.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, well, I can't say that lady's ugly, of course. Ridiculous.

[Co-host]

They always go extremes. It's like when they call Sam a Nazi.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Who calls me now? That's going to take off.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Who's in charge?

[Co-host]

Jewish Nazi. That's a sitcom.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Or the Jew and the Nazi is the odd couple.

[Co-host]

Oh, that's gonna be. Oh, there's your rivalry.

[Sammorrell]

There's your super born. Super born.

[Co-host]

You left the oven on.

[Sammorrell]

Hot Jewish guy. Hot Jewish guy.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Hot Nazi.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Hot One's got dark hair, one's blonde.

[Co-host]

Damn, this is good.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Me and maybe, like, Francis Ellis.

[Co-host]

Yes, yes, exactly.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Railing me from behind.

[Co-host]

He's hiling while you. Oh, what the hell is this?

[Sammorrell]

What is that?

[Co-host]

Oh, Nazi porn.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but is it Nazi Jewish born?

[Co-host]

By the way, my son has a little bit of, like, hair down here, and I always do Hitler comb, and then I give him a little. Little ink right here. And we have a good time.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You put a little of the poop in the diaper right here?

[Co-host]

Yeah, exactly. And then I take his little hand. You know, the neighbors are terrified.

[Kathleen Madigan]

His first steps were very big.

[Co-host]

Yeah. The goose. He's got an easy Bake Oven. Okay. What? Too many? You don't want to adopt, huh?

[Sammorrell]

No, I do not.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Did you know you never wanted kids?

[Sammorrell]

No. Well, because I helped raise my younger siblings. Like, I. I get it. And I'm like, okay, this is fun. Like, I like them. They're nice people, little people. The best case scenario, I thought about it a lot, is they don't go to prison.

[Co-host]

Yep.

[Sammorrell]

Like, they don't kill someone or they don't do something completely up. That's the. Really the best case scenario.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's likely.

[Sammorrell]

Otherwise, you're just other people. I know, right? Like, you're. You're a fun person. Good. My brother Patrick's fun.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Good.

[Sammorrell]

You turned out fun. Yeah. Anything bad, but, like, would I want to do that again? Like.

[Co-host]

Yeah, good point.

[Sammorrell]

And then I don't know if you're thinking, like, I want to go travel the world. I don't see how. How am I in some house with a fence and I take you to school? Like, I see, my sister has done it. The kids are in high school. They're freshmen. Eight years. Every day to the same pickup spot. I. I can't.

[Co-host]

That's parents.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's almost like, bad for the comic brain where you're like, this repetition, the repetition.

[Sammorrell]

I stayed for two weeks because she had twins. She's like, will you come back? And I go, yeah, sure. I'll. I did about a weekend. I don't know. I had a look on my face. She's like, you're leaving, aren't you?

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I said, no. I promised I'd stay. The two weeks I go, I just. I really like them, the little twin girls. And they're fun in the high chair.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

But it's the same thing every day. We wake up, there's play time, and then feed them, and then a nap and repeat until they get older. But that whole first.

[Kathleen Madigan]

First couple years I hear is rough.

[Co-host]

That's tough. Yeah. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

A baby.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He was a Nazi. I had to. Let's get rid of him.

[Co-host]

Every day with a Nazi.

[Sammorrell]

I just. No, not for this lifetime. Maybe the next one. I'm not anti kid. I'm the anti. I don't like the lifestyle. If I would do it the way I wanted to do it, I want to be home. I want to take them to practice. I want, as much as I don't. I do.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But a lot of people who do what you do actually still have a kid, and they're just not good parents.

[Sammorrell]

Well, they. It's not the way I would parent. So whatever people want to do, that kid's going to turn out. It's a result of your work.

[Co-host]

Right, right.

[Sammorrell]

So, like, I would want to be home. I'd want to have the dog. I don't want to have the setup and go, okay, here's your dad. Here's a dog. Here's a cat. I go to the meetings and whatever. The kid. And. Yeah. PTA things and.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

It's a lifestyle. I mean, it's. It's.

[Co-host]

It is.

[Sammorrell]

And when you step into it, you're like, oh, wow, this goes on until they can drive.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Sammorrell]

16.

[Co-host]

At least you get school. That takes a little edge off because you get the hours of the day. Mine's at a Somali daycare right now. But, yeah, it does. Yeah. It gets easier.

[Sammorrell]

It's the lifestyle that I was always just like, I don't know. And then you got to find the right person and hope they're not an asshole and then buy a house and, you know. Well, at least in the Midwest, like, I don't know, apartment in New York. But, you know.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, but you're right. A lot of things have to go right.

[Sammorrell]

Yes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Yes. And they have to go.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

Quickly.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

You can't be doing this when you're 45. Well, you can. I mean, but it's a little late in the game.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

You'll be 65. The kid, you know, the kids are 20.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's the place I'm on, I think.

[Sammorrell]

But I think that's weird, too, because I'm from the generation where our parents had us when they were, like, 20.

[Co-host]

That's true.

[Sammorrell]

Like, I look at my parents, I'm like, it's weird. You're only 20 years older than me.

[Co-host]

That's why.

[Sammorrell]

Weird.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That is weird.

[Sammorrell]

It is weird. Like when you're 50 and 70, that's not that kind of different. Yeah, but, I mean, people wait. But I don't know. I think all these things would have to line up. And what are the odds of that happening?

[Co-host]

Well, you're from a. You're one of the last cool comedians. I feel like comedians are all getting queefy and sober and they don't have any fun. You're still living, damn it.

[Sammorrell]

That's why I love this.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I'm like.

[Sammorrell]

And then if you don't drink now, I already know what to say because so many people don't. I'm like, well, give it away, give it away. I'm just here with it. You can do whatever you want with it or not one with it, but.

[Co-host]

But you're fun.

[Sammorrell]

I mean, I still drink. I'll smoke my little cigar every now and then.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Your cigars?

[Sammorrell]

Well, Ron brought those and left them.

[Co-host]

Ron White.

[Sammorrell]

I do like them, but because I quit smoking cig a long time ago. That's like a nice little treat.

[Co-host]

There you go.

[Sammorrell]

It's like a little reward.

[Kathleen Madigan]

All these studies now people are actually, I'm glad that that guy, Scott Galloway had a thing recently. Like, you should drink. Yeah, you should drink. All these people are saying, young people stop drinking. It's like, go out and socialize. It gets you off your phone.

[Sammorrell]

That's weird. They all, they don't want to go out.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But I think it's coming back to people. I think it's also that young kids are really broke right now, though. I think that plays into it.

[Co-host]

Yeah, I was broke when I was a kid.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, I guess you find a way.

[Co-host]

You find a way.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Crackheads are broke. They make it work.

[Sammorrell]

There's a shitty bike.

[Kathleen Madigan]

They don't have a roof over their head. They're not thinking shitt.

[Sammorrell]

Biker bar by my house in Nashville. Beers are three bucks. You can't. Come on, we're. And guess who's in there? Me and a bunch of old guys.

[Co-host]

Exactly.

[Sammorrell]

Where are the kids? Where are the youngsters?

[Co-host]

Like, I don't know, you got to get laid.

[Sammorrell]

But I think they all want to vape.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's such a turn off. I. I was out with a girl and we're having a good time. She took the vape out and I.

[Co-host]

Was like, I know.

[Sammorrell]

See, I don't even care. I don't understand why they're so weird about it. Like, they're always hiding. Like, oh, yeah, but I like, I don't, I don't know why. Like my sister in law is always. She's like my age. She's always in a cloud of strawberry.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's the problem is like when you're drunk, you're like, this is cool. You're like strawberry.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But then you soap up. You're like, that's.

[Sammorrell]

No, but if you were a real smoker or a weed smoker, that. Yeah, no, I don't want my cigarette to taste like fruit. It's a cigarette. It's supposed to taste like the earth.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like dirt.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, it's like. It is like the Mike's Hard lemonade to a beer or. Yeah, I never liked the premium malt beverages. I always wanted a beer. Yeah, well, I don't want a fucking green apple whiskey.

[Sammorrell]

No, no. Once you start putting fruit vegetables or you altering the rawness of whatever it was. You lost me. Yes, me, but not the kids. Look at the vaping and I think it's better honestly. Not a doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I think you should smoke cigarettes over vaping. Interesting, because vaping the pictures of that popcorn long. So you're basically inhaling a hot coil with shit in it from China you bought at a gas station. You don't know what the fuck is in that. Versus I know that Marlboro had to go through a chain of inspection. I know there's still cyanide stuff, I get it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But rat poison.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but they told me it's up to me now.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Exactly. At least they're upfront about it.

[Sammorrell]

They're up front because they had to be in the 70s. They held them to the feet, to the fire. But I just think the vaping, that instant heat in your lungs. If you've ever see if there's a picture of popcorn lung, because it never goes away.

[Co-host]

Oh, is that right?

[Sammorrell]

It never heals.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I had a joke in my last special about if you see a detective with a vape, he's not finding your kid.

[Co-host]

That's great.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You know what I mean? Like, that's why the cigarette does give you some ease, you know?

[Co-host]

It does. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Why do they call it popcorn line?

[Co-host]

Because it looks like popcorn bulbs on there.

[Sammorrell]

See, like. Well, that one's not real, but it was a real. It looks like white polyps.

[Co-host]

There it is.

[Sammorrell]

There it is.

[Co-host]

Oh my God. After spring break.

[Kathleen Madigan]

So also that makes me want to go back to the cinema.

[Sammorrell]

Irreversible. Irreversible.

[Kathleen Madigan]

In the 60s and 70s, the cigarette companies put asbestos in the filter tips, so the smoke wasn't as harmful to your lungs.

[Co-host]

Good times. Oh, also, I've never seen a guy inhaling asbestos. Never seen a guy with a vape with his picture of his daughter on it. Just saying. Remember that was a big thing. You put a picture of your kid on the cigarette pack and you go, ah, maybe I shouldn't smoke.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Really?

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Never heard of that.

[Co-host]

What my dad did. That was a picture of you on a pack of cigarettes. Yeah. And he said you were missing.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I put a picture of a limp dick on my phone. So I Don't call my ex.

[Co-host]

That gets me to stop drinking.

[Sammorrell]

I bought a whole convent in St. Louis. There's only five nuns left. I smoked it off Marlboroughs that I got him a kayak. And I got him those red jackets. They're like farmer jackets with the brown collar and they're like, you know, like a marble Martha Stewart farm jacket. Yeah, it did say Marlboro and tiny letters. But the nuns don't care. They all smoked anyway.

[Co-host]

Really?

[Sammorrell]

And I'm like, hey, I'm gonna collect every Marlboro mile in America. So I'd go to like Columbus funny bone or whatever and then. And I'd tell all the servers, save your Marlboro miles. I'm. I'm saving them because people would leave them packages. Nobody cared. Yeah. That's how many I got. The kayak was 50, 000 miles.

[Co-host]

Wow.

[Sammorrell]

And I did it. And they took a float trip in Missouri.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That is hilarious.

[Co-host]

Amazing.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Three nuns drowned.

[Sammorrell]

It can be done. And Lewis smoked Campbell. They had the.

[Co-host]

Came Lewis black.

[Sammorrell]

So I would save all his Camel because he didn't care.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Like, dude, did Lewis smoke cigs too?

[Sammorrell]

Oh.

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

All of them.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Wow.

[Sammorrell]

Lewis smoked all the Camel lights. There's no more left.

[Co-host]

I love that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. When I'm drunk, I do crave a cigarette. There's something about it.

[Sammorrell]

There's something. Well, it's terrible to say I shouldn't, but, like, I just like fire. I like ashtrays, like old ones, like stand up ones that are super cool. You can find it like any thrift store.

[Co-host]

You should move to Malibu.

[Sammorrell]

The smoky atmosphere. Yeah, but you have to just be the right kind of person to say, I'm in.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

Like, I love it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

There's something hot too. Like, you know, you like, walk outside the bar in the winter in New York, you meet a girl, you're both smoking a cig. There's something kind of hot about that interaction.

[Co-host]

I don't know. Sure. Yeah. Well, you're both ruining your lives.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

You both have, you know, we both don't give a. That's.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Sammorrell]

It's a. It.

[Co-host]

It's a. Yeah, I like.

[Sammorrell]

But I don't even think we thought that back then. Like, like, I don't know.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You just did it.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, because my parent. Everybody in the house smoked.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

That's why when people are like, I know there's something to second hand smoke, but really then all me and my siblings should be dead. Like, my parents smoked in the car, windows rolled Up. That's a mess.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I don't believe we came up at the. There was a couple clubs we got at the end.

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Like the St. Louis funny bone. We could still smoke in that cloud of smoke. I remember. But there weren't that many clubs left by the time. But when. When we were doing it.

[Co-host]

That.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But that. I remember seeing more. Oh, this is crazy.

[Sammorrell]

Or in the south, they would allow it a lot more than the North.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like, you could still go down to Charlie Good nights or something. And cigs everywhere. Nobody cared.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

But I smoked, so I didn't care. I didn't even think it was an issue. Like, I mean, I knew that, like, my clothes smelled.

[Co-host]

Really. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

After a week in a club, you're like, oh, like, yeah, I gotta go home.

[Co-host]

But you never heard an autopsy. Like, he died of secondhand smoke.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's never happened, you know, I mean, people get lung cancer who don't smoke. It is, you know, it is possible.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but that doesn't mean they're around.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's true. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

You can just be a person.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. I don't know the data on it. I don't know.

[Sammorrell]

I don't either. We're talking about things we don't know about. But it sounds right.

[Co-host]

It sounds good. Give me a cigarette.

[Sammorrell]

Sounds right. Sounds right.

[Co-host]

A tell.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Lighting up in front of the Rizzler was an all time moment on this.

[Sammorrell]

Sean Penn at the Golden Globes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Co-host]

Geez, he looks right.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He looks like an ashtray.

[Sammorrell]

There's so many things you could do besides have that Stig at that moment.

[Co-host]

I know.

[Sammorrell]

I could take off your shirt. I'll throw 17 nicotine patches on your back. You'll fly like an eagle. How about some gum? Like, I got everything that's got the nicotine in it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He doesn't care. He's been so.

[Sammorrell]

Smoking. No, he likes smoking, but he's also.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Been famous for too long. It's a thing with, like, Chappelle will just light up in a club. And he's like, he knows he shouldn't, but he's also like, I don't care.

[Co-host]

Yeah, there was.

[Sammorrell]

There's a comic, Rick Kearns from Denver, and we checked into some hotel back in the day on the road. And the lady's like, it's a $250 fine and we're there for the week. Like when? Through Sunday. 250 fine. If you smoke in the room. And Rick goes nightly. He's right. I might pay 250 to smoke in my Room all week. Like if you could.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

And the lady was like. Didn't even get what he meant. Like, I'm like, he's kidding, but he's kind of not right. He wants to know, if he gives you $250, can you smoke all week? But I don't know. We didn't think about it. We just. Our parents smoked. We all smoked.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I don't think it got out that it was bad news till I was probably. Well, I was probably 16.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Our parents don't smoke or drink. I'm the problem, I think.

[Co-host]

Interesting.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. Don't like a drink. Your parents don't smoke?

[Co-host]

No, my dad did when he was young and then. But they all drink quite a bit. But I'm from New Orleans. I remember when you could smoke in bars and the hangover was so much worse with that stink on my clothes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yes.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. It's a headache.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, my God. I was just in Berlin and we were. We're in a smoking bar and we're all zapping cigarettes. We're all getting fucked up. God damn. That hangover is another level.

[Co-host]

Another level.

[Sammorrell]

I didn't drink enough water. Yeah, you got a super hydrate if you're in the smoky area.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I know, but you. You know that. But in the moment, you're like, I'm up.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, I know it sounds gross.

[Co-host]

It's like we're in a.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It was a gross bar.

[Sammorrell]

Well, no, water sounds gross.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Water does. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Drunk water just sounds like. That's just one more thing. I'll throw up later. I don't need all that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You put it off. Why do you. Why do we put it.

[Co-host]

Because it takes the fun out of it. We're trying to get up. You're gonna hand me a. A safety net a while we're drinking.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Whiskey and swing a cigarette. Being responsible isn't. It's not in us at that moment.

[Co-host]

Exactly.

[Sammorrell]

It probably wasn't in begin with.

[Co-host]

Eat this apple while you're eating a birthday cake.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Were you around for the tail end of the comedy cocaine years?

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I mean, I didn't do it. Like, come on. No, seriously, I'm too. I get it. I would get addicted too fast. Like, I worked at a restaurant and bar from the time I was 13 to 23. Stuart Anderson's cattle Company. I was a bus girl. I was a server, a bar back, and a bartender that whole period. I watched people that were 10 years older than me get addicted to coke. I called it the devil's drug because it was just affordable enough that, yeah. Say we made 75 bucks each bartending. They'd spend 45 on blow and then that would be gone. So you really only made 30. It was affordable enough to get it, but affordable enough to break you over time. So then they'd be like, well, and then. Then you want more blow. So that 45, that initial buy in of 45 bucks is now now 65 bucks. And then it just keeps going. I just saw so many lives, like, smoked by that I'm like, no, no. Because I know I would probably like it.

[Co-host]

Of course. Well, that jacket says cocaine.

[Sammorrell]

It says Tony Montana. But they were still doing it. Like, I remember the funny firm in Chicago.

[Co-host]

Funny firm.

[Sammorrell]

That guy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's hilarious. John Grisham's club.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my God, don't do it. Owner. There was just blow all over the desk. Bags of blow. Because my friend Diane, she goes, how much did he tell you you're making? I said, I don't really remember. I think 6, 650 bucks. She goes, go up there right now before the week starts and say, hey, we agreed on 950, right? And he's so high, he'll just say yes. And I did. And it worked.

[Co-host]

And I was like, wow, I just.

[Sammorrell]

Got a $300 raise.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You never hear about the good sides of drugs, right?

[Sammorrell]

There's a wonderful side of drugs. If you're not on them at the time, you need a raise. Like, it worked. I was like, wow. Yeah, there was still a lot of that, but it kind of faded quickly. I'd say by like 92 gone. 93 people just. I think they just did all the cocaine and then they ran out of.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Money and they were burnt out probably too.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, no, no.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You think they're gonna come down?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, like somebody I worked with, her nose actually fell in. And I was at the Funny Bone years later, and somebody said, hey, that came from the restaurant. They're like, did you say hi to Pam? I go out and see Pam. She said, no, she's at the bar. I go, now she ain't. Yeah, she is. She's at the end. I'm like, oh, fuck. And if you get to the point where you've done so much blow that your nose collapses, trust me, you didn't save eight grand for a nose job. You don't have a reserve to fix that. You have to live with that now or work your way back.

[Co-host]

Like, we were all thinking it.

[Sammorrell]

Weed, all that other stuff. I've never seen as much destruction as I do.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's why Jews don't do cocaine, the nose would collapse too hard through the face.

[Co-host]

That's a big evolution.

[Sammorrell]

You have way more expensive nose.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah, right. It's a lot of coats.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Already looked better the last time we saw him. He looked like he. Like he fixed it. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Did he fix it?

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think so.

[Co-host]

Somewhat. Yeah. As much as you can.

[Sammorrell]

Easy to fix either because it's just all cartilage like a shark. It just. There's no bone here.

[Co-host]

It just.

[Sammorrell]

So we gotta redo.

[Co-host]

You know his story, right?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

With the hooker.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

And they sha. The glass shattering.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Can you tell us?

[Co-host]

Well, basically he was crack, crunching up some coke or some pills with a salt shaker. A glass salt shaker. The salt shaker cracked. He didn't realize it. So now he's pounding glass into the pills and the powder. Then he sorted it and then he said the hooker took a shower or he took a shower and he said, keep clapping while I'm in the shower. So I know you don't steal anything. So she had a clap.

[Sammorrell]

It's a good relationship.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

That's built on trust.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's hilarious that you'll someone that you trust that little.

[Co-host]

Well, it's a hooker.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I know, but it's also.

[Co-host]

Applause. He's getting applause break.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but still, that hooker wasn't going to do that. Why are you judging her so harshly? Just because she has a shitty gig doesn't mean she's a shitty human. Well, doesn't mean she's gonna steal.

[Co-host]

Hey, you never know.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but would you do that to a non hooker? Like, let's say you went out with a woman and you're on your third date and you say, clap while I'm in the shower because I think you're stealing.

[Co-host]

No, I should have once.

[Sammorrell]

That would be weird. That would be like. She'd be like, dude, you. I'm not stealing your. Your zany sweatshirt.

[Co-host]

I love this one.

[Sammorrell]

I have my own.

[Co-host]

Yeah. I don't know. I knew a friend, I'm not gonna say his name. He's a fellow comic, we all know him. He got a prostitute and they did their. Dude, Their. Their deed. The whole thing lasted eight minutes. And then he went to the bathroom and he saw in the mirror that she was going through his duffel bag. And he just went, could you not do that? And she was like, oh, sorry. So then she left. So it happens.

[Sammorrell]

That's all it took. Could you just not do that? It's very polite.

[Co-host]

I guess so.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. I guess you just got to keep everything in Sight.

[Co-host]

Bring it all in the shower, the wallet, everything. Jeez. There you go. All right. Well, hey, did you ever get. Because you've been doing comedy, what, 75 years. 75 years. So you started with Bob Hope and Shelly Berman?

[Sammorrell]

No, you know, I actually did it. Bob Hope show.

[Co-host]

Really?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, it was called Ladies of Laughter. It was me, Wendy Leman, Margaret Cho, Carol Montgomery, I think.

[Co-host]

Wow.

[Sammorrell]

It was a good show. Yeah, but he was so old. He was, like, 88 at the time. My mom and dad came out for some reason. I don't know why, because they didn't really attend. There's seven of us. They don't. But he's Bob individually, ever. I don't know why. Oh, I know why. Because my little brother was in love with Brooke Shields, and she was supposed to be on the show. He canceled a soccer tournament, and they. Brooke Shields canceled, and they switched her out for Crystal Bernard, the lady from Wings.

[Co-host]

Oh, no.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. My brother ruined his whole life over that. But. So my mom.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Is that you?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, I'm on the back left.

[Co-host]

Whoa.

[Sammorrell]

But that's. No, those are the hosts, though. That's not the comedians that were on there. They were all on the show. See, there's the lady from Wings.

[Co-host]

Yep.

[Sammorrell]

That's Anita Weiss. I think she passed away.

[Co-host]

That's Rue McClanahan.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, there's Bob. Pull up. See if you can find the comedians.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, okay.

[Sammorrell]

These are, like, the host people.

[Co-host]

What a pull.

[Sammorrell]

No, I didn't even know that was online.

[Co-host]

Does he. Is he touching your buttocks there? Oh, no. I can see his hands.

[Sammorrell]

He was having eye explosions. My ex, while I was talking home, and my mom. My mom was a nurse forever doing.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Coke through his eye.

[Sammorrell]

I'm like, mom, I go, what's going on with his eyes? She goes, oh, it happens to old people all the time. Blood vessels burst. And I go, is that hurt him? Is it hurt? No. She goes, he doesn't even know what's happening, except everything's going to get very foggy for a few minutes, and then somebody will come out with drops. But, like, I didn't know that you could live long enough that, like, you're the whites of your eyes. All of a sudden, a vein will.

[Co-host]

Show up, and it just goes, whoa.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Time to pack it in. That's rough.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

All the cue cards were, like, the size of a wall. They brought them in on trolleys. It would say, like, hi. This is how smart he was, though. He negotiated for 50 years with NBC that they had to give him three specials a year. For 50 years, they had agreed to that. So that's why when he's 88, he's still doing the Bob Hope Christmas special that originated 50 years ago.

[Kathleen Madigan]

They were like, we did not think you'd live this long.

[Sammorrell]

No, nobody did.

[Co-host]

Norm MacDonald says he's the best comedian of all time. Bob Hope. Yeah, that's what Norm says.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Norm's a contrarian, though, sometimes.

[Sammorrell]

That's true.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Because I think, like, I. A lot of people towards the end said he got a little corny and stuff.

[Co-host]

Definitely, definitely.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I mean, at least to our. No, I. Even my. Even my parents were like, well, you know, he's the gag guy. Like, he has writers. Like they even knew. He's just a vessel of delivering whatever. He's not really what we would call a comedian.

[Co-host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

He's an entertainer.

[Co-host]

Yes, he's emcee.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. He was funny enough, though. I. I mean, he was. Somebody gave him a 20 bill and said, can you sign this? And he did. He goes, there you go. Now it's worth five. Like old timey. Corny.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

Jokey, Jokey.

[Co-host]

He was America's grandpa.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but, like, that's a cool lineup.

[Kathleen Madigan]

To be on, dude. Wendy Liebman, funny.

[Co-host]

Oh, so funny.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, our HBO won, like, Women of the Night, I think it was called. I think it was like, me, Wanda, Wendy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, wow.

[Sammorrell]

It's the same six of us.

[Co-host]

Right?

[Sammorrell]

In that era, it was. We just kept getting the gig.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

And they would go, okay, well, they're like, that's why back then there was hbo, Young comedian specials. Hbo, Women of the Night. Well, which one am I going to audition for? There's only 50 women showing up to the audition.

[Co-host]

Max. Max, you got a Good show.

[Sammorrell]

There's 350 good guys showing up over here. I'm not going to that.

[Co-host]

No, over here. Smart odds and.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, yeah, play the odds. I don't care. If you want to say, oh, you got it, cuz, you're a woman.

[Co-host]

Whatever.

[Sammorrell]

I got it.

[Co-host]

I got it. I'm on tv.

[Sammorrell]

I'm on. You're not.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, your shit's always been strong, though.

[Co-host]

I mean, killer.

[Sammorrell]

Well, they picked good pe. I mean, Wanda's still funny. Wendy's still funny. Margaret Cho is still funny and solid. Like, I would pay to see anybody. I just mentioned, did you have a.

[Co-host]

Lot of the Joey's here? Like, it's hard for women. Did you find that?

[Sammorrell]

No.

[Co-host]

What?

[Sammorrell]

I didn't. If anything, every dude that was a headliner, like, when I was an OG was Nothing but nice.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And helped to me though the one big disadvantage is for women headlining especially early on is like the. Just the griminess of the road and the clubs and stuff. To me, that's what I've heard at least from female friends.

[Sammorrell]

Well, there are women that quit because of that. Because they don't like the road part. But I liked it. But I also have a lot of brothers and I'm used to living with slobs and pigs. Like I don't care about all that.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I think the only disadvantage was. Was, and I can prove it statistically is when it came to do you get a sitcom or not?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Interesting.

[Sammorrell]

The female. The only reason Brett Butler and Roseanne was because of Marcy Carsey Warner over at Warner Brothers and they gave Marcy car. Was a big advocate for women can handle their own sitcom. But if you go back before that.

[Co-host]

Oh, Mary, I mean.

[Sammorrell]

And I love Ray Romano. I think he's very funny. But that's who was getting them. Kevin James Romano. Keep going back.

[Co-host]

Seinfeld.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Mostly white guys too.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

And if you were black, they put you on back then.

[Co-host]

You had Martin, you had a couple of Cosby.

[Sammorrell]

Crazy channel. I don't think it doesn't UPN. Not UPN.

[Co-host]

It might have been WPIX 4chan.

[Sammorrell]

It doesn't. I don't think it exists anymore. But they put all the black sitcoms on that network, the wb. What'd you say?

[Co-host]

I think it was upn.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, upn.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know. But I'm saying. So if Cedric the Entertainer. I'm friends with him. He's funny. Funny, you know.

[Co-host]

Oh, he got.

[Sammorrell]

If he got a show then they would. Back then they would go, you're over there.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

And then white guy goes to. And the other drag. I don't want the gig so it doesn't bother me that much. But Female late night talk show host. Forget it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That never appealed to you though.

[Sammorrell]

I don't want it. But why couldn't Wanda do it? She wanted to. Yeah, sure, she's great.

[Kathleen Madigan]

What about. But did a sitcom appeal to you back then?

[Sammorrell]

No, it never did. Never will. I can't. I went one time to the Big Bang Theory with Lewis because he. He had a part at the end as a crazy professor. Some horseshit.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He's a good actor.

[Sammorrell]

He. Lou's a very good actor and he enjoys the process. Like I don't have the patience for it. We went there at 4 in the afternoon. We didn't leave till 11. Me and his assistant Drank a bottle of white wine. I memorized his lines. I memorized the whole script.

[Co-host]

That's hilarious.

[Sammorrell]

And I said, what are you getting paid for this, Lou?

[Co-host]

Do you even know Scale?

[Sammorrell]

Scale? It was like the whole day. It was like 4,500 bucks minus everybody. You got to pay.

[Co-host]

Blah, blah, blah.

[Sammorrell]

I. This worth it to you? He goes, yeah, I love it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But he's like. But he's like a Yale Drama guy, isn't he?

[Sammorrell]

I know, but he doesn't care. Any kind of acting is fun to him.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like, I go, this truly, because we've been best friends for 100 years. You truly think this was a fun day? Compared to if we went golfing and then had a bunch of wine and some steaks? You think this equals that in a different way? Yeah. He's very serious. He's very. He's not kidding, so.

[Co-host]

Well, if you want to do that. Not the road for sure, dude.

[Sammorrell]

I will never, ever return to this lot and watch you do anything. You're on your own now, buddy. I came once. I ate with you in the commissary. It was horrible. Seven hours.

[Co-host]

I'm with you. You do the Tonight Show. You got to get there at 2. You don't leave till 7. You're like, what the hell was this?

[Sammorrell]

And that was only five hours.

[Co-host]

Right? Right.

[Sammorrell]

I'm talking eight on a lot that I couldn't get on because they don't have the IDs, right. And I gotta fight with the people. And meanwhile, I have Jokey the Clown here, who's on the fucking show. Nobody believes that. And I'm like, no, he's in it. I'm just a driver.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

I don't want to now.

[Co-host]

I think you're right about the sitcom, though. That's true. Because a lot of guys like Bernie Mac, Jamie Foxx, Damon Wayans, they all got sitcoms all the way network.

[Sammorrell]

I think it's upn, maybe. Upn, Yeah.

[Co-host]

I think I found the clip as well.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Here. Some local TV station if you want to see it.

[Co-host]

Oh.

[Kathleen Madigan]

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[Co-host]

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[Kathleen Madigan]

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[Co-host]

Same. We can spot pay and then. Look at this thing. This thing's killing my back and I don't have.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, I need a thing for my cards. I'm getting on one of these.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

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[Sammorrell]

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[Co-host]

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[Kathleen Madigan]

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[Co-host]

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I'm thinking of changing it up. I'm kind of over the AirPods.

[Co-host]

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[Co-host]

Hear, hear. Is this it? Is that Phyllis Diller?

[Sammorrell]

That was Phil Stiller. That was supposed to be Brook Shields. My brother quit his soccer tournament.

[Co-host]

We got the B squad.

[Kathleen Madigan]

In fact, one of them was signed by NBC.

[Co-host]

He's still with it. He's 88 here, I assume. Wow. Hey, look at that.

[Sammorrell]

I'm Korean. I don't have a store or anything. Young women who are on the show.

[Co-host]

Oh, I've never seen Nancy Reagan from different ages.

[Sammorrell]

Now you wouldn't think it would be.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That easy to get cassette, but my.

[Sammorrell]

Daughter, who's producing, picked up four cassettes and we looked at all of them and picked five of them. Looked at them. He looked at a cassette? Yeah, and I thought it might hit a lot of traffic, but I only hit like two cars.

[Kathleen Madigan]

The classic Mr. X.

[Co-host]

She, she created that whole thing.

[Sammorrell]

I had to take the bus. It was really gross. It was about 65. I can't watch myself. I took one look at these people and felt like calling Unsolved Mysteries and going, yeah, I found everybody.

[Co-host]

Wait, pull up the Caroline's wall. And then her sweater. I gotta compare the two. That sweater was right out of Caroline.

[Sammorrell]

That, that. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I should have worn it on Caroline's car.

[Co-host]

You would have blended it, right?

[Sammorrell]

Camo I would have been wallpaper.

[Co-host]

Ah, this is gonna take a half hour. God damn it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's cool, man.

[Co-host]

How cool is that?

[Sammorrell]

I don't know.

[Co-host]

Is it what you get paid for that? 50 bucks?

[Sammorrell]

I don't know.

[Kathleen Madigan]

What were, like, the first big gigs you did? The first, like, big, like. What was your first special on?

[Sammorrell]

Well, hbo, cuz the. And then I got HBO half hour. Me, Chappelle.

[Co-host]

Wow.

[Sammorrell]

Lauren Hutchinson. That's one of the only things I have a poster of in my house.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's pretty cool.

[Sammorrell]

I'm like, you know what? That was cool. Patton Oswald.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Nice.

[Sammorrell]

There were five of us. Us. The one skinny guy, maybe it was Warren passed away.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I don't know. Warren.

[Sammorrell]

Warren Hutchinson. Skinny black guy. I think he died.

[Co-host]

I don't care for that kind of humor.

[Sammorrell]

Yes. No, Hutchinson.

[Co-host]

We just got the wall there.

[Sammorrell]

Hutchinson. I could be saying he's dead and he's not even dead. I don't know, but that's what I heard. Oh, but there was a fifth on that that I'm not thinking of.

[Co-host]

Is that Warren?

[Sammorrell]

Yes.

[Co-host]

There he is.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Does it say, did he pass away?

[Co-host]

Oh, God. Oh, boy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, boy.

[Co-host]

He was on UPN for a while.

[Sammorrell]

That'd be enough. So the H. That was like the big. To get an HBO half hour was way better than a Comedy Central half hour. I got one of those two, but that had more. Like, just between comics that had more because they didn't give that many, like, Comedy Central at one point. I think it was like 25 a year. Like, what?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Sammorrell]

It was completely crazy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

By the time Mark and I did it, we.

[Sammorrell]

It was.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It did nothing.

[Co-host]

It was nothing. Yeah, it was a waste. It was literally.

[Sammorrell]

It was almost a waste by the time I did it. Where you're like, okay. And then Comedy Central, we filled it somewhere here in New York right off Times Square. One of those theaters. The Hudson Theater. Yep. And nobody asked me, and I don't really care, but I'm like, huh? I go out and the background is a prairie with a windmill. I'm like, what?

[Co-host]

Well, you're Midwestern.

[Sammorrell]

I'm from St. Louis. We don't have windmills.

[Kathleen Madigan]

How about the arch or something?

[Sammorrell]

Kansas. Right? Kansas starts all that. Not Missouri. And I was like, a lot of.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Funny people from St. Louis, by the way.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, we. We have a lot of funny comics.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Tommy Jonigan, you. Nikki Glazer, Greg Warren. Greg Warren. A lot of funny comics out of there.

[Sammorrell]

And then the black side's even funny. Funnier. Cedric, JB Smooth. I don't know about that. Lavelle Crawford. Lavelle and I grew up, like, two streets away from one another. Now that I see you, I know you were the fattest kid at the swimming pool. There's a public swimming pool, baby. That's a lot of fat bag people. I go, yeah, but that was a tiny pinhead. You have that pinhead. I go, I know. I saw you as a kid. Like, we never knew each other till later, but I'm like, it had be to be. We're not that far apart in age. I'm like, it had to be you. And he's like, I'm sure we got.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He murders. Murder.

[Co-host]

Must be the hardest kill I've ever seen.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Good actor, too. Do you see when he was on It's Always Sunny and Breaking Bad as Landslide, the diarrhea comic. It's great.

[Co-host]

Landslide.

[Sammorrell]

He's good in Serious, too. He was good in the. The drug one.

[Co-host]

Breaking Bad.

[Sammorrell]

Breaking Bad. But then there was another one where it was like, a Mexican cartel thing thing.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's. Yeah, it's on Breaking Bad.

[Co-host]

That had cartel in it.

[Sammorrell]

Red fox is from St. Louis.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Whoa.

[Sammorrell]

I love Red Fox. And I love the.

[Kathleen Madigan]

How about that Provel pizza? What do you think?

[Sammorrell]

I love it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's pretty good.

[Sammorrell]

Emos.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Emos is good.

[Sammorrell]

I do or die. Zany's dorf. Every time I tell him his kids play hockey and they're in St. Louis. Get an Emo's pizza, Matty. I've tasted it. It's your thing. It's not. You either love it or hate it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Again, I don't love or hate it. I like it. It's. I'm a New York pizza guy. New Haven's my number one. But like. Like, I like it. I get it when I go there. That and the toasted raviolis. That's the St. Louis thing.

[Sammorrell]

And then once you try toasted ravioli outside of that. Outside of that perimeter, it's gross.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like, I can't. I don't know where it originated. Clearly not. Well, maybe we have an Italian neighborhood that's pretty famous. I mean, Yogi Berra, all Those guys, Joe DiMaggio, they were all from that one neighborhood.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But DiMaggio grew up on the west coast, so he was in SF. I think he was on the bay, the St. Louis.

[Sammorrell]

It's Yogi. Like, the most famous Yankees. There was, like, four of them from Yogi Bear.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You said that, right?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

All right.

[Sammorrell]

And then if you Google, DiMaggio's father.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Was, I think he was like, a fisherman off the coast, so maybe somebody grew up in the bay after that. I don't. I don't know.

[Sammorrell]

It's. You'll know him.

[Co-host]

There we go. AI, do your thing. Yogi Berra, Paul Goldschmidt, Luke Volt.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, these are not good wives.

[Sammorrell]

No, it's a Yankee for sure. Sure. Yeah. Joke, right? They were all from the Hill, so maybe they.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Jason Tatum, St. Louis. Who's the guy in. The Florida Panthers is St. Louis. Yeah, the Chucks. Yeah, they were. Oh, man.

[Co-host]

Look up JB Smooth just for me. I just want to know if J.B. smooth was St. Louis.

[Sammorrell]

I don't think so.

[Co-host]

All right, what about Miles Davis?

[Sammorrell]

Yes.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's a big one.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

St. Louis has some nice contributions, man.

[Co-host]

Good.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That funny bone was good, Turner.

[Sammorrell]

That's why Cantina became a thing. But she's technically, I think, from, like, Tennessee. Where is he from? I don't.

[Co-host]

Carolina, God damn it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, Also, I think we've done Mr. Hutcherson a disservice here, because we were.

[Co-host]

Like, is he alive or dead?

[Sammorrell]

He's alive.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Can we listen to one of his jokes? Yeah, let's listen to Joe. I hate to be like, they're talking about you on a podcast.

[Sammorrell]

Well, yeah, but I don't.

[Kathleen Madigan]

They want to know if you're alive.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know. I just heard that. That's what I said.

[Co-host]

You have to wonder, well, what's number one? You know, how did you get all the way to 100? You cut right to the setup.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I'm sorry.

[Co-host]

Hey, Murder. Put that on.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I just put.

[Co-host]

Is. It's a187.187. That's the code for murder. There we go. Because you have to wonder, well, what's number one?

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's good.

[Co-host]

Yeah, 187. Before somebody said, hey, Murder. Put that on the list.

[Sammorrell]

He had a great half hour, and he was fun. Oh, I know the other guy. Oh, God. Jeff Garland, who I wanted to murder.

[Co-host]

We all do, because he was so.

[Sammorrell]

Fucking late every day, and we all had to do this shit together. Oh, that's like comedians. We're not used to any of that. Anyway. I don't want to rely on you. Are you. Are you. I just want to do my shit and leave.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Wait, why do you have to wait for him, though?

[Sammorrell]

Well, because it would be like a taping thing or doing an intro thing for those stupid special. Hbo, whatever. They made us. Monkey do Monkey, you know, Monkey behave. Those banger symbols. Five. Fine. Fine. Chappelle.

[Co-host]

Made it right.

[Sammorrell]

He said 18 bags of weed. And he's here. Yeah, he is here. Like, come on, man.

[Co-host]

Yeah, come on, Jeff.

[Sammorrell]

And then he would show up, like, laughing.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He's making that face when he shows up late.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, you're an hour and a half late. It's hilarious. It's hilarious.

[Co-host]

Well, at least he's gotten funnier.

[Sammorrell]

All right, I know, whatever. Love you, Jeff, but you can't be late like that. It's not nice.

[Co-host]

No, it is not punctuality.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I would say punctuality is at the top. It's just disrespectful.

[Co-host]

Disrespectful.

[Kathleen Madigan]

If I have friends who are late, I make comments of it. I got into a big fight with a close friend of mine because he was late, like, repeatedly. And I was like. I said it very respectfully. Hey, I just. The late thing is, can't do it. I don't care for it. It's disrespectful. And he pushed back. And then a while later, he was like, you're right. But I do think lateness is fucking rude without a text. At least give me a text.

[Co-host]

Everybody shit happens. I get it. But every time.

[Sammorrell]

Well, back then, too, he's not just, you know, it doesn't matter about me. But, like, what about the HBO executive people? You're not worried that they'll be mad?

[Co-host]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Sammorrell]

But I'm Catholic, school rule follower. Like, you give me rules, I follow them.

[Kathleen Madigan]

When it affects other people, yes. If you're just late and it's. You're the bad guy, whatever. But when it affects other people, and it does, it's annoying.

[Sammorrell]

That's one of my top. I had to sit a friend down. But I will say it was like a family thing. His whole family's always, like, late, so they. They run like that.

[Co-host]

And he was like, he.

[Sammorrell]

When he get real nervous, he'd go like this. He'd, like, pet his own head. He'd be like. I go, jim, here's the thing. I can't. You can always be 10 minutes late with me. Maybe 15, 30. No, I'm not going to wait anymore. I'm going to drive out to the Brea Improv without you. I'm not stopping by while you're ironing your shirt.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Is this a comic?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He was opening for you.

[Sammorrell]

Yes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And he was late.

[Sammorrell]

And he's a good friend.

[Co-host]

That's crazy. And then they get mad at you. You left me, like. Yeah, you left.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And you're your Opener driving him.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

I pick.

[Sammorrell]

He's on my way, so. No problem.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You're a better person than either of us.

[Sammorrell]

One time his roommate answered the door. I'm like, ty, where's Jim? Oh, I think he's ironing a shirt. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, this is not. But I will say I had to talk with him. And from that day on, Jim was on time.

[Co-host]

Okay. I mean, the 911 terrorists made it on time.

[Sammorrell]

Sometimes you just.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Not all of them. Some of them fucked it up.

[Co-host]

Oh, is that right?

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think some people oversleaded.

[Sammorrell]

Sometimes you just gotta let people know it bothers you.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

Maybe it didn't bother. My whole family's late all the time. Like, nobody thinks anything of it. I'm like, well, the rest of the world isn't necessarily on board with that. Yeah, but he'd made awesome adjustments. So just when you think you can't do it anymore, just tell them.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, when people are OCD and they're like, oh, I'm. I'm. I'm OCD, I'm like, I don't give a. Wash your hands 14 times before you meet. Before you're supposed to meet me. How about that?

[Co-host]

Exactly. There's a famous story about show up.

[Kathleen Madigan]

With a wrinkled shirt. I don't give a. I love a wrinkled shirt.

[Sammorrell]

Improv. Does anyone care? Yeah, no, no. We're doing a better. And her weird animals. Just get in the car. Get in.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Okay. Which one is Tippy Hendrin again?

[Sammorrell]

She's Melody Griffith's mom. She was the lady in the birds.

[Co-host]

The birds.

[Sammorrell]

It was.

[Kathleen Madigan]

God, that is a whole lineage of famous hot chicks, huh?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Grew up with, like, lions and tigers in the house. Can you pull up a picture of Melanie Griffin?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Dude, something wild. You like that one? One Raota. That's a rat. If you haven't seen something wild. Raota. Jeff Daniels. Melanie Griffith. Great movie. It's Jonathan Demi, too, who did S of the. It's awesome. Holy.

[Sammorrell]

There. It's a swimming pool.

[Co-host]

That is not fun.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Melanie Griffin. Yeah. But that will prepare you well for Hollywood with dudes trying to grab you like that. So.

[Co-host]

That's true. That's hard.

[Sammorrell]

There she is. And there. There's pictures of it in the house, like, in the. Oh, there it is. In the kitchen on the bottom left. That's.

[Kathleen Madigan]

To me. That's like.

[Sammorrell]

Look at that. Look at coming through the window.

[Co-host]

This is like Tiger King.

[Sammorrell]

It was the first Tiger King.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

This is abusive, I think.

[Sammorrell]

I don't. I would have Loved it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

A tiger.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. If I was a little kid and somebody told me it was fine.

[Co-host]

You can't have nice things.

[Sammorrell]

I'm trusting my dad's opinion on a lion. You smoking?

[Co-host]

You'd like that. They got fire on accident.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. I'd be an excellent ashtray.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I don't care for this.

[Co-host]

No.

[Sammorrell]

So this is the greatest. One of the greatest comic moments I've ever seen. So much somebody do. There's a comic from Houston named Jeff Burkhart and he's very funny. And we all went out to do this benefit. I didn't even know what it was for. It was one of those last minute calls. Can you guys all just show up at the Irvine Improv? It's for an animal. I did know it was animal based. Like, don't. But Jeff didn't know, and he got there late and he has like a two minute bit about running over his neighbor's cat. And he. He didn't mean to run over the cat.

[Co-host]

Cat.

[Sammorrell]

Like, it wasn't, like, on purpose, but it's kind of funny. Like, funny that I. I can't explain, but Tippi Hedren was there. I didn't even know who this person was. She st stands up and bangs her glass with a spoon like we're at some sort of royal reception and says, remove this man from stage. Like she's a queen of something. And all of the comics are in the back. I'm like, who's that? And they're like, it's Dippy Adrian. Like Melly Curvis mom. Like she was probably. Probably 80 at the time.

[Co-host]

Oh, my God.

[Sammorrell]

And he's like, I'm sorry, ma'. Am. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not getting off stage. She goes on stage and tries to grab the mic out of his hand. He goes, oh, no. Do you know how many open mic nights you need to go to get a hold of this mic, lady? You need to go. And he gives her this laundry list of what you need to do to be a. And he walks. She then went to the Improv on Melrose the following day and told Bud Freeman she wanted him fired. What? From every club, which, you know, Bud doesn't even know. Know who we're talking about?

[Co-host]

Sure, sure.

[Sammorrell]

Well, I'll look into it. What's his name? You know, I'm like, well, it was.

[Co-host]

Jeff Burghardt, but they should have thrown like 50 birds.

[Sammorrell]

She was very mad, but it's like, lady, it's just a joke about Running over a cat. Like, I know.

[Co-host]

When you hit her cat, you're gonna wreck your truck.

[Sammorrell]

Your little priests.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Can we remove this lady real quick?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Wow. What a nut. Yeah. Entitlement.

[Sammorrell]

She grew up with all that. She still had has. If we. If we Google la. Tippy Hedren Animal Park. She's still.

[Kathleen Madigan]

She's still cooking.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know that she's still alive, but the park is. You can spend the night there.

[Co-host]

Weird.

[Sammorrell]

It's.

[Co-host]

We got a hobo to do that here. Look at that.

[Sammorrell]

She's so pretty.

[Co-host]

What? Toblin. Lily.

[Sammorrell]

Tomlin. Tomlin.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Love her.

[Sammorrell]

I love Lily.

[Co-host]

They love all these. Okay.

[Sammorrell]

Look how pretty she still is, though.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, my God. Beautiful.

[Co-host]

Gorgeous.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Remember in Nashville, she was hot, dude.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host]

Nashville.

[Sammorrell]

In what?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Remember the movie Nashville? Robert Alman movie. Great flick.

[Sammorrell]

Never saw it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

From the seventies. Oh, my God. Musical, but it's, like, dark and seedy about showbiz. It's awesome.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

I didn't realize how much Melanie looks like her until I just saw that.

[Co-host]

You see it?

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's. They've got some hot jeans in that family.

[Sammorrell]

Who was the dad?

[Co-host]

Good question.

[Sammorrell]

Was he someone famous?

[Co-host]

I hope he liked animals.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine? She doesn't drop that till you get married. By the way, I want tigers in the house. You're like.

[Sammorrell]

Well, if you're not allergic to cats.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Because there's a lot of cat. Who?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Tippy Hedren's husband.

[Co-host]

Sorry.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Husband. Oh, oh, oh.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Now, keep it in your pants, Alakius. Jesus.

[Sammorrell]

Who is he?

[Co-host]

Peter Griffith, Family guy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And her brother was Baby Stewie.

[Sammorrell]

Huh.

[Co-host]

How about that?

[Sammorrell]

Oh, he's cute, too.

[Co-host]

There you go.

[Sammorrell]

Cute kids.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Melanie Griffith had a. A hot chick run.

[Co-host]

Oh, milk.

[Kathleen Madigan]

For sure. Oh, my God.

[Co-host]

Don't get me started on that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Charming, too, like, very cool.

[Co-host]

Cool.

[Kathleen Madigan]

G. You know, she was, like, 16 in that movie Night Moves with Gene Hackman.

[Co-host]

Bull it up.

[Sammorrell]

Was probably 68.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's a good flip.

[Sammorrell]

And nobody cared.

[Co-host]

Simpler.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, he was pretty young in that. That was like 70. That. He's pretty young. Yeah. I mean, poor Gene Hackman. Jesus Christ. I mean, it's like one. You make it to 95, whatever the hell he was, and then you just die like that. What the.

[Co-host]

What happened again?

[Sammorrell]

Rats all over the property.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Well, he just. You don't think about that, do you? But like that, we. You die alone. Some animals gnawing on your skull.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Which I guess I'm dead. But I don't like it.

[Sammorrell]

Eugene Hackman it's not a rat. It might be your cat.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I.

[Co-host]

Got. She didn't die in home. She'd be mauled to death. Well, those big.

[Sammorrell]

I don't.

[Co-host]

Pumas.

[Sammorrell]

That was a weird, weird death.

[Co-host]

What happened again? Heart attack.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Well, I think she was his caretaker and he. He must had some sort of dementia and she died. She died and then he had no one to take and he. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host]

God almighty.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Not good.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Hope for. How about though, when somebody has dementia, if I'm the caretaker, I have a checker in her every day just in case something happens to me. Me. What happened to that, like, plan?

[Co-host]

Yeah, good point.

[Sammorrell]

Like, because if I go, he'll be ape and not know anything. I don't know. There should have been Catholic rules, rule follower. I would have had. I would have had a backup plan.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He was a ledge.

[Co-host]

I love the man.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Ackman.

[Co-host]

Popeye Doyle, baby.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, man. French Connection.

[Co-host]

Yeah. Yeah. Now, how are you dealing with all this new age comedy with the clips and the pods and the.

[Sammorrell]

I love the pods. Podcasts.

[Co-host]

All right.

[Sammorrell]

I love them all. I love.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I. I just saw you. Which part did you just do? I just saw you on something recently. Bert. Something else too.

[Co-host]

Oh, Bert.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know. I did a bunch of Tom Papa.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That much. Tom Papa.

[Co-host]

That's what it was.

[Sammorrell]

I'm really close with Tom.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, he's. We love. We love Bird and Tom.

[Sammorrell]

They're both great. I love the podcast part. I don't really get the post. The clip of me dealing with a heckler thing.

[Co-host]

That's just engagement. You don't have to burn material.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Just the way the whole burn material thing, I think is just an idiotic argument. Do you think? Because I have done a million jokes. I've done. I have a regurgitated set of Olympic jokes that I've done on like a hundred shows and nobody knows it except me and one guy, Bob. Bob has booked me doing it numerous times. But they're funny enough. It works, you know, for the time. It's a timing thing. It's the Olympics.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Like, you bring them back.

[Sammorrell]

I just wrote it all yesterday, but it's 10 years. Whatever.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I love when they come.

[Sammorrell]

I have done a million jokes on tv. Do people not come anymore because they've seen it? Of course not.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I just think there's a pressure now, though, that you really have to just turn over hours like never before.

[Sammorrell]

Well, that is weird. Like there's.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It is weird, but I think that is the expectation. Like, I did a show at the Chicago theater recently, and I got all. I thought it went really well. This guy wrote me this long message. Like, I'm so disappointed that I've heard that closer before.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my God.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And I was like, like, oh, I'm. I'm like, I don't know what the. You want me to. It was like, I did like 50 new minutes before that.

[Co-host]

Yeah, exactly. And you want to end strong. It's a good closer.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And. And the show went well. It's like when you get off, you're like, that was good.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And I can. And I'm hard on myself. I'm like, I know when it's bad, but. Yeah. No people.

[Sammorrell]

I don't think seeing someone deal with a heckler is going to propel me to want to go buy a ticket to see them.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Interesting.

[Sammorrell]

I need to see. What are you doing? That would make me. There's a big difference between I'll follow you on Tick Tock, I'll follow you on Instagram, or I'm going online to Ticketmaster and buying a ticket or a club. Like, whatever. It's a. There's another level there to push you over the edge to do that. Even as, like, a. Like, I love music more than comedy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But music wise, what should give us some music racks?

[Sammorrell]

I love Ella Langley right now.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Okay.

[Co-host]

I know Ella Langley.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my God. Choosing Texas is like the biggest song that's happening right now.

[Co-host]

Really.

[Sammorrell]

She's country, but she almost sounds. Sounds old school. Like.

[Co-host]

Old school.

[Sammorrell]

I love. She's. She's super pretty.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, I want to see her.

[Sammorrell]

This song. Can we play this or we get in trouble Peters. It's her voice.

[Co-host]

I love that twang anyway.

[Sammorrell]

And she's got a deep, like, smoky. So her.

[Co-host]

I like it.

[Sammorrell]

I love Morgan Wallen.

[Co-host]

Sure, sure. God's country.

[Sammorrell]

Hazy Stanton. She.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

This is so the whole album.

[Co-host]

Great pipes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, I like it.

[Co-host]

And not easy on the eyes.

[Sammorrell]

I can tell. My.

[Kathleen Madigan]

So you're a country gal?

[Sammorrell]

Not really. Yeah, but I live in Nashville, so I'm surrounded by it. And you can't. But no.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You always in Nashville?

[Sammorrell]

No, I'm from St. Louis for 20 years.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You were in LA for 20 years?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, 10. At the beach. With all the beach comics. Venice, Daniel Tosh. Oh, hell, we were the Redondo Hermosa group.

[Co-host]

Oh, that's living out there.

[Sammorrell]

Did you like that blast? Well, we love. I love the beach. But then eventually the traffic got so bad you can't get in. So I just bit the bullet and moved into West Hollywood. I'm like, okay, I'm right here. The. Com. Comedy Store is right there. Laugh Factory's right there. You know, it's all a mile away. I hated it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I don't miss one thing. Except Barney's. Bery, I love Barney's because everyone in there was normal and wanted to watch sports. So it was a ton of, like, east coast and Midwest people. Not the California cocktail crowd or whatever.

[Co-host]

You want to call them. Too real for la.

[Sammorrell]

I. Can we just turn on the Blackhawks game? I mean, yeah, no, there's nowhere else. They won't even have it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You're Chicago for hockey?

[Sammorrell]

Well, no, I'm blues, but they were playing them at the time. Usually it was the Blackhawks blues, but like, you'd go to these other bars and there's like the super bowl would be on and they don't have a tv.

[Co-host]

Ah, crazy.

[Sammorrell]

No, I'm not meeting you for drinks. No, that super bowl there was just that dense. I would never feel that way in Chicago or New York.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Chicago is an underrated. Also an underrated drinking city.

[Sammorrell]

It's underrated drinking and it's mostly beer and whiskey. Like solid old school stuff.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Not weird drinks and just great food and great food.

[Sammorrell]

Super nice people.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Underrated city.

[Sammorrell]

Chicago fans that will die for their sports. Like, even, I don't know, like, I love the 49ers, but I feel like if I'm in San Francisco and you're walking around downtown, you may not know the 49ers are in playoff game right now.

[Co-host]

Interesting. Interesting.

[Sammorrell]

I don't feel it.

[Co-host]

All right.

[Sammorrell]

I feel it.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think they're good with the warriors, but you might be right about the Niners. Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Okay, well, and then they move too far south. I know it's really San Jose.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And also the warriors, they just spoiled the. Out of that city. Four championships in like 10 years. I mean, that was crazy.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Then it just becomes boring.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, you're spoiled.

[Sammorrell]

And then I moved to Nashville like 11 years ago. I left LA. I'm like, you know, I don't need to live here. All the late night shows moved here. So what am I doing here? Here? Cuz I used to go on the science show a lot.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

And then if somebody fell out, they knew they could just call and I. I'll go over there and do that. Conan was there, everybody was there. And then they all just kind of started dropping off. I'm like, I don't. I don't have to live here anymore. I'm going to sell this house.

[Co-host]

Good for you.

[Kathleen Madigan]

For you're one of the first. I feel like cuz a lot of the people with COVID moves.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, I left way before. Yeah, but I thought it was getting weird. Like there was a guy going through my trash and I went out to like, go, dude, if you just tell me what you want. Actually, save it. I'll save it. Tell me what you want. And the dude, the dude growled at me.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Whoa.

[Sammorrell]

Okay, I'm out. Like, I don't even know what that meant, but I've never seen a human growl.

[Co-host]

That's crazy.

[Sammorrell]

I was like, I'll save you. What do you want? Cans, bottle. Like, I don't know what you're looking for, but instead of throwing trash all over my yard, how about I just save it for you?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, you can.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. I was like, I'm out. And Dwarf Zany's Dwarf was like, nashville, Maddie. I wanted to be able to drive to my parents. They were getting old and I'm like, if shit goes weird, I don't want to be a flight away.

[Kathleen Madigan]

How far? How far a drive is that?

[Sammorrell]

Four and a half to St Louis. All said and done.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's so funny that comedy people influence. Because I moved downtown in the city because of Liz at the Cellar and Tom Papa. Actually, Liz was like, you gotta just fucking move downtown. And Tom Papa was like, you gotta live in the Village. Move to the Village. And it was like those hangouts back to back. I was like, fuck it, I should have just moved downtown.

[Sammorrell]

That's a message from Jesus and Liz.

[Co-host]

That's a super yes.

[Sammorrell]

But Dwarf Dorf's like, maddie, you could golf every day. We can go fishing every day at the. I go, what lake? And he goes, just right by the airport. I go, I've been coming here 20 years. Or he's always took me golfing. I go, you never took me fishing. I don't know. There's a lake here. He's like, yeah, it's five minutes from the golf course. And so you could have been recruiting.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Me this whole time.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, you could have. We could have been fishing versus Go or both, but.

[Kathleen Madigan]

So you like. Do you fish a lot?

[Sammorrell]

Yeah. Every day? Well, I mean, not when it's freezing, but wow. I built a house on that lake. I'm eight minutes from the airport, 15 minutes from downtown, and five minutes from Dwarf.

[Co-host]

Oh, what's your.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, what's your situation? Like, what kind of house are you in?

[Co-host]

What's the address?

[Sammorrell]

I don't know. I found it online it was somewhere in the northwest. And I just asked a builder, can you just make that? And he was like, yeah. And he was drunk every day. Every day. He showed up with his dog and a big thing of Jack and coke. He was hammered. It's the most well built house.

[Co-host]

Damn stairs.

[Sammorrell]

Imagine what Doug could have done sober. Like, I love this house. And even dude, like, dudes will walk in and they'll start stomping and banging on well built house. Kathleen. Well built. I didn't even ask unsolicited. So I don't. I just lucked out. And I'm right by Dorf and I see him like, at least. Well, when the weather's nice, we golf probably three times a week.

[Co-host]

You get a word in and Nate's there. I know Dorf. He's a talker.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He's a talker.

[Co-host]

Oh, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

He's one of the. I'm like, dude, you're like. Because my sister goes, what's. What's your deal with him? I go, he is like having a 16 year old friend. That's a guy. Every woman needs that guy. He wants to golf, fish and smash beer cans on our heads. And sometimes I feel like that. Not all the time. I don't want to be married to dwarf.

[Co-host]

No.

[Sammorrell]

But as somebody in the phone, you want to go downtown right now and go see Jelly Roll? Yeah. Maddie.

[Co-host]

Oh, that's great.

[Sammorrell]

He said go or he's a doer. He's a. A. I like it.

[Co-host]

So how the hell do you. You got like so many specials. How do you write all that material? What's your.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, you were prolific.

[Co-host]

You are prolific.

[Sammorrell]

You don't get your do. People say that, but you do.

[Kathleen Madigan]

She's. Dude, she's a.

[Sammorrell]

No, I do not like women.

[Co-host]

We got a great one right here.

[Sammorrell]

There's somebody that's under 30 that says they're doing their fourth special. I'm like, really? As a comedian, somebody yelled, well, Kathleen, you haven't had a special in whatever it was three years. I'm like, Sade, after her hit, didn't have an album for 21 years.

[Co-host]

Wow.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You're supposed to, but you are prolific, I think.

[Co-host]

How many specials you got? Pull it up. But we got. We got IMDb here.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know.

[Co-host]

It's got to be over 10, right?

[Sammorrell]

Well, hours.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Half hours.

[Co-host]

Well, let's say half hour. I don't know. Either way, it's a lot.

[Sammorrell]

Well, if you combine, there's probably seven hour ones. I don't know. Know. And then the Half hour ones.

[Co-host]

That counts. We'll bet. Two of those up, we get another hour.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, but you figure, you know, that's. I don't know, one every three years. That's about right.

[Co-host]

That's rare.

[Sammorrell]

I think it takes three years to do it correctly, in my opinion.

[Co-host]

I like three years, too.

[Sammorrell]

For me.

[Co-host]

Yeah, same.

[Sammorrell]

I don't know. But I. I'm friends with Ronin Hirshberg. Ronin could write an hour in his sleep and I still like it.

[Co-host]

He's great.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He's a great writer. Very good writer.

[Sammorrell]

Smart, Smart. And every. I can't do that.

[Kathleen Madigan]

We talked about him. We were in. When we were hanging in Nashville.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah, he's kind of.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Shane was fucking handing bud lights. We're at that Post Malone thing.

[Sammorrell]

That was fun as hell.

[Co-host]

Oh, wow.

[Sammorrell]

That was great. His album release. Yeah. I don't.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It looks like six or seven.

[Co-host]

Wow. And that's not even including the half hours.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Oh, my Lord.

[Sammorrell]

So, yeah, that's a lot.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think every comic's different. I think you know when something's ready. And I think sometimes it takes you two years and sometimes it's. It takes you for you.

[Sammorrell]

But I also think that's why it's terrible when the Netflix is putting these time limits on people and says, you're going to give me three specials.

[Co-host]

That's crazy.

[Sammorrell]

But that's why we know when you click on somebody we all like. I won't name names where you're like, that was half ass. Cuz he didn't have enough time.

[Co-host]

Sure.

[Sammorrell]

He was under some weird pressure. And then you just turn it in because the money was good.

[Co-host]

Yes. Happens all the time.

[Sammorrell]

I get it. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it. I would say no.

[Co-host]

I could name a. I would be embarrassed. Five comics who had a great opening special. Their debut was amazing. And then the. The heat was so pressured that the second one sucked.

[Sammorrell]

There's one I know right now.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

And it makes me sad because I know that person. If he wasn't pressured and he was given more time, the second one would have been great too.

[Co-host]

Yeah, it's tough. I mean, Louis.

[Sammorrell]

But.

[Kathleen Madigan]

But I think also the. The touring is good. I mean, that's. The other thing is, like, touring's fun.

[Co-host]

You got to get up. You have to people.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I mean, I do love. I mean, I just did Europe in October and you're like, let's see if these work here. It's a. It's a fun thing.

[Sammorrell]

Puzzle.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. You're like kind of running through the mud. The only joke that didn't work in Europe was I had, like, a health care joke that was kind of specific to the US but other than that, everything hit.

[Co-host]

Yeah, Liberty.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, that's an old joke. I had a joke. I had a joke about how Amazon was doing discount checkups, and I said, that's how fud we are in America that Amazon's trying to help. I said, we're like a year away from, hey, what's your health insurance? I'm with a DraftKings Silverleaf premiere. And, like, are they good? Yeah. With the flu shot, you get 20 bucks in bonus bets. But that's like, they don't have draftkings in Europe, so they didn't get. But I'm like, I still like the joke. I'll still put it in the special. But it's like, you know, that's it.

[Co-host]

Yeah, that's.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It's very specific to America.

[Co-host]

Yes. And they'll get it when the special goes over there. They'll. They'll figure it out.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah. And also, like, you know what? If there's one of those and I like it, it's fine. If there's like, five of those, then it's. Then it's a problem. But sure, you know, I think there's.

[Sammorrell]

Too much pressure on some of these people where I'm like, oh, here's another special. Special. Really? We just saw one eight months ago.

[Kathleen Madigan]

If it's all you do, how do you do that? It's also different, like, when Mark and I started, you know, obviously when you started, but, like, I remember we talk about this all the time. Mark and I used to meet in the coffee shop and just bounce bits. We didn't have pods. We didn't.

[Co-host]

Like, we were just.

[Kathleen Madigan]

All we did was stand up. We didn't have people asking for scripts for a show. We were literally only doing standup. Now, there's other shit. You know, you're a dad and there's. And there's career stuff. You need a social media manager.

[Sammorrell]

Another job with.

[Kathleen Madigan]

We have a whole thing.

[Co-host]

And.

[Kathleen Madigan]

And this is still number one, but. Holy. I wish I had more time. Sometimes I have to just be like, please don't contact me to people, or like, I'm putting my phone in the other room. I need it. I need a totally different.

[Sammorrell]

They're also totally different audiences. Like, I. I do my Madigan's Pubcast. People come to shows and they're like, yeah, I didn't even know you were a comedian.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, we get it all the time. That people didn't know we did a podcast.

[Sammorrell]

I know. Or they don't know you do this. But the podcast people are very specific and very different than the stand up fans. They're Very rarely are they crossing. So it's like if you do a podcast that people like, then there's a whole nother audience waiting out there to be had.

[Co-host]

Totally.

[Sammorrell]

But it's a second job.

[Co-host]

Yeah, but it's another thing.

[Sammorrell]

I don't feel like doing it every week. I love doing it. But when I'm swamped and the road is in a churning spin and I got to go, and the Amazon specific special, you know, I actually participate in all that. Like, I pick the headshot, I tell them, I give them. I edit it myself.

[Co-host]

Right.

[Sammorrell]

I don't do the real bison where.

[Co-host]

Sure, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Like, I'm involved, so I'm busy. And then. But it's almost like if you don't. I don't know, I just think you're gonna fall off the map.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You gotta stay. You gotta stay in shape. But I will say I don't. I don't realize how busy we all are until I get like a cold or something and I'm like, I guess I do a lot.

[Co-host]

You gotta.

[Kathleen Madigan]

When you get sick and you're like, oh, doing this, like, yeah, who's going.

[Sammorrell]

To do all that? I was supposed to do today?

[Co-host]

Yeah. I always put stand up first, though.

[Sammorrell]

It would have been better to. It would have been better to just be like Ron White. He was famous for the time he was famous. He'll always be famous within a certain group in America that loves Ron. And then. And he can do a casino. He sells everything out to this day. And he does nothing aside from that.

[Co-host]

Golf.

[Sammorrell]

Well, yeah, he golf, but he's also.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, he's the type of guy that might have been grandfathered a little bit.

[Sammorrell]

That's what I'm saying. He's grandfathered into. If you became a big enough star in your time, whatever time frame that was, you can still run off that.

[Co-host]

Yeah, for sure.

[Sammorrell]

Ron. Seventy people that come to casinos are still 70. He can do every casino in America, but he can still sell hard tickets. Like Knoxville. He sold out two shows.

[Co-host]

I mean, nice.

[Sammorrell]

And he is right. New jokes.

[Kathleen Madigan]

He's going, yeah, that theater in Knoxville is one of the best in the country. He's the Bijou in Knoxville. I think that's one.

[Sammorrell]

That's a small. Yeah, like, he's in the.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's an.

[Sammorrell]

I'm in the Bijou. He's in the big big.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, nice.

[Co-host]

Wow. Okay.

[Sammorrell]

Well, what's the.

[Kathleen Madigan]

That's a great theater. Knoxville's a great city. I mean, it's fun.

[Sammorrell]

I was there when college game day was there.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Whoa.

[Sammorrell]

I've never seen that much excitement in a town. I've also never seen that many Blue Tick hounds because that's our mascot, but you're allowed to bring yours.

[Co-host]

I thought that was a slur. No.

[Sammorrell]

I was so excited. I love a hound more than anything and I'm like, there's like a million of them. You're allowed to bring it to the game.

[Co-host]

Tick how. I don't know what that is.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my God, it's so cute. It looks like a beagle mixed with a Australian. That so. No, no, click on the. Can you click on the middle one? That's like. No, next one. Other side, other side. Yeah, that guy.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Those are like very all American.

[Co-host]

Yeah, it's like a hunting dog.

[Sammorrell]

He is a hunting dog. Yeah, but they're. They're just. They're also like super spoony. Like beagles. Like, they're. But Knoxville, come on.

[Co-host]

That thing will fetch a duck for you. Right?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Such a proud looking face.

[Sammorrell]

I killed all the chickens. I killed all the chickens.

[Co-host]

Look how cute.

[Sammorrell]

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want those chickens? Because I already ate them.

[Co-host]

Who does he look like, Reagan? I can't put a face on it.

[Sammorrell]

Linden Johnson.

[Co-host]

Thank you. That's it. We got there. All right. So where are you going to be there, Mad Dog?

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my gosh. Well, that's next weekend. Chattanooga.

[Co-host]

You're all over tn.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Chattanooga, Knoxville.

[Sammorrell]

His husband is coming to see me. I'm very excited. I'm his favorite comedian.

[Co-host]

Oh, really?

[Sammorrell]

Chuck Morgan. Morgan's husband. Will you get a picture made with my husband? You're. You're his favorite comedian. I'm like, really? Because I. I'm, you know, I'm cussing. I'm not dirty, but I. I cuss and I, you know, I'm. Yeah, I wouldn't think I would be in that bally, but I. I was very happy that I am. Huntsville. Great city upand. Coming. Nobody gives it any love.

[Kathleen Madigan]

They say it's one of the best bang for the buck cities, right? That Charlotte.

[Sammorrell]

They say Charlotte, but Charlotte's are almost already gone with the. They've already bought.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Everything's got the. The Von Braun exhibit.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Because all the Nazis went there there for NASA.

[Co-host]

That's what we used the villains for. For.

[Kathleen Madigan]

You can tell it's still kind of a dumb museum. Cuz they still have a papa shot in there. There's like a basketball thing. You're like, all right.

[Co-host]

Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and Cleveland.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Good times.

[Co-host]

Boy, you got quite a run. These are big theaters for you.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Great comic, every dude. Seriously prolific killer.

[Co-host]

There's my podcast, Madigan's Pubcast.

[Sammorrell]

I drink and I talk about fringe stories. Stories. I don't have any guests. I had one. I had Ron one time, and they all hated it. They didn't hate Ron. They just didn't like time. Yeah, they were like, whoa, whoa. No, thanks.

[Co-host]

Got it.

[Sammorrell]

Or those are supposed to be. I was told by many people those are supposed to be special episodes.

[Co-host]

Okay, so you can choose.

[Sammorrell]

Do you want to listen to Ron White for now? Never thought about that.

[Co-host]

Me neither.

[Sammorrell]

You read the comments? Sometimes they're helpful.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Even if they're a little hype.

[Co-host]

I agree. I agree. Three.

[Sammorrell]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Okay. Where am I gonna be starting the 18th here?

[Kathleen Madigan]

Or was this 25th? Excuse me?

[Co-host]

What? 20 who?

[Kathleen Madigan]

There it is.

[Co-host]

Grand Rod. I'm at Oregon at some casino. Spirit Mountain and New Brunswick. We're back at the stress factory, baby. I think that's sold out.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think they're selling bodega cat now.

[Co-host]

Yes. San Antonio, lol. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Flagstaff, Arizona, and another casino, Swaharita, Arizona. Indianapolis and Buffalo. Portland, Maine and Lexington, Kentucky. Providence, Rhode Island. Dania Beach, Fort Lauderdale, Raleigh. What else you got, Samo?

[Sammorrell]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I got. I don't know. You got to pull me up here. When did this come out?

[Co-host]

8 to 2818.

[Kathleen Madigan]

All right, so, yeah, I got. Oh, first one. Yeah, we just added a couple nights. I'm just doing some clubs in Chicago because I was in the. Chicago just there. So, yeah, Rosemont on the 4th. And we got. I think those are all sold out. And then we got Stanford, Connecticut and Providence. I think they're. I think they're all sold out. So we'll add a late Thursday in Providence and then taping a special in Tampa February 27th. And we just added 26. So I'm gonna do three shows, but I'm not adding a fourth. So get on that third show. It's at 8:30. There's not even an option to add a fourth. I want to get it in three. Tampa Theater, February 26th and 27th. Only the 26th is available, so please buy those tickets at Punchup Live Sammorrell tickets, or just go to my website.

[Co-host]

Get yourself a blue Tick coat hound and check out Madigan on the road. Get some bodega cat.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Bodega cat. We're now doing making. I just dropped the bottle off at Balabusta on Hudson street in the Village, so hopefully we get in there. Hopefully we're in at analog soon. We're in at Lartuzzi strip house comedy sale all over the country too. So please get on Bodega cat Instagram message Bodegacat whiskey.

[Sammorrell]

So you're taping a special. When was the last one you taped?

[Kathleen Madigan]

A couple years. So two years.

[Sammorrell]

That's fair.

[Co-host]

That's fair.

[Sammorrell]

That should be fine.

[Co-host]

Yep.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Yeah, I think it's gonna be good. It's gonna be fine.

[Co-host]

That should be fine.

[Kathleen Madigan]

It'll be a fine special.

[Co-host]

Should be fine.

[Sammorrell]

Like, it's not weird. It's fine.

[Kathleen Madigan]

No, two years is all right. I feel pretty good.

[Co-host]

Yeah, I think.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I think I got some good bits in there.

[Co-host]

There you go. I hope so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sammorrell]

Don't close with that. Same one at man hate.

[Kathleen Madigan]

Oh, I'm gonna letter get more hate mail you.

[Co-host]

Dude.

[Kathleen Madigan]

I'm closing on that bit. Eat.

[Co-host]

I'm so disappointed. Thank you, Kelly.

[Sammorrell]

Sunday's the day for my next bender.

[Co-host]

A bit of peck.

[Sammorrell]

You know, the beard close. I've had a little too much burn.

[Co-host]

And Norman's talking about the Pope.

[Sammorrell]

And I get down in the same way up on the river like a cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans.

[Co-host]

This woman doesn't look like I remember her.

[Sammorrell]

And I get down in the same way. We might be true. Where's your playlist taking you?

[Co-host]

Down the highway to the mountains or.

[Sammorrell]

Just into daydream mode while you're stuck in Traffic? With over 4,000 hotels worldwide, Best Western is there to help you make the most of your getaway, wherever that is. Because the only thing better than a great playlist is a great trip. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western, Book direct and [e-mail].