Ep 271: Mark Normand & Sam Morril - Might Be Drunk

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Episode 271: Mark Normand & Sam Morril – "Might Be Drunk"

Released: February 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

This solo episode features New York comedians Mark Normand and Sam Morril riffing freely without a guest, joined by their producer Salaki. With drinks in hand, they bounce between topics ranging from the latest comedy documentaries and scandal gossip to personal anecdotes, comedy process, peeves, and audience recommendations. The episode is marked by their familiar loose banter, sharp observations, and willingness to get candid (and darkly funny) on nearly any subject.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Solo Show Vibes and Weather Talk

Timestamps: [00:06 – 00:43]

• The guys set the mood by celebrating the ease of a solo episode, jabbing at themselves and prior guests.
  • Normand: "No pressure, no dead weight." [00:09]
• Chit-chat on the “balmy” NYC winter, riffing on Punxsutawney Phil (with insults).
  • Normand (re: the groundhog): "That prick Punk Satani Phil, he us six more weeks of winter. Oh, yeah. For that damn groundhog, that fat furry." [00:43]

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2. Comedy Docs: Mel Brooks & Chevy Chase

Timestamps: [00:52 – 01:41]; [11:00 – 13:25]

• The duo contrasts Mel Brooks (“so cute and likable”) with Chevy Chase (“prick, asshole, gentile”) after viewing recent docs.
  • Normand: "Mel Brooks is great because he's so cute and likable and fun. And then Chevy's like, prick, asshole, gentile. It could be a more opposite." [01:01]
• They mull the ethics of documentaries led by their own subjects, connecting to PR motivations and media criticism.
  • Morril: “It’s like a PR thing.” [01:37]
• Deep dive into Chase's childhood trauma, insecurity, and his abrasive comedic persona, contrasting him with Bill Murray.
  • Normand: “He keeps … He confesses. He's, like, wildly insecure. So when someone…comes at me, I go at them times 10. I got a short fuse. I'm crazy.” [11:11]
• Discussion of Tarantino’s take—Chase as an unapologetic dick, versus Murray who has an “arc.”

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3. Epstein Files, Celebrity Gossip, and Stand-Up Bits

Timestamps: [01:41 – 10:00]

• Banter on the most recent “Epstein list” update, riffing on comics 'appearing' via show lineups, and jokes about “being invited but not going.”
  • Morril: “It's like a wedding. You want to be invited to the pedophile island. You just don't want to go.” [04:03]
• News tidbits about celebrities (Elon Musk, Steve Tisch’s infamous emails), and the absurdity of the details.
  • Morril: "He wrote, I want to go to your wildest party. Which, dude, if he didn't know how fucking funny would that be, walking into that shit." [03:24]
• Quickfire jokes about comedy, consent, relationships, and fetishes—freely mixing real stories and bits.

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4. Getting Older: Sex, Relationships, and Regret

Timestamps: [04:24 – 07:33]

• Sam and Mark discuss how their approach to sex and relationships changes with age (“think about the future,” “is this person a good hang?”).
  • Morril: “Especially as you get older… you think about, is she going to be cool to watch a movie?” [04:46]
  • Normand: "When you're young, you're living in the present. You just want to get laid." [05:15]
• Anecdotes about past flings, jokes about “damaged goods,” and dealing with complaints from people featured in stories.
• Embracing people’s quirks—Sam: “I love a woman who's got, like, you know, some femme fatal in her.” [07:26]

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5. Old Hollywood & Robert Mitchum Admiration

Timestamps: [07:33 – 10:01]

• Sam talks about reading Robert Mitchum’s biography (“Baby, I Don’t Care”) and the wild, hobo life that shaped the actor's persona.
  • Mitchum's early life, drifting as a teen, learning to act from observing people.
  • Morril: “He leaves home at 14 and becomes a boxcar hobo… his life’s a fucking movie.” [08:18]
• Drops retro film recommendations: “Out of the Past,” “Night of the Hunter,” “Friends of Eddie Coyle,” and the difference between “old” and “modern” weed experiences.
• Normand: "Smoking weed back then, it was like doing heroin, I think." [08:57]

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6. Comedy Bit Development: Jokes about Drugs, Vitamins & Topical Comedy

Timestamps: [28:46 – 34:17]

• Bit workshop segment: Mark shares a new joke about how vitamins don’t give you an immediate “high” like drugs, and Sam offers tags and feedback.
  • Normand: "The problem with vitamins is they don't do anything. Like, you don't feel anything. So I know we shit on drugs and drugs are bad, but they feel great." [29:04]
• Sam tries out a new idea comparing comics to mass shooters ("we listen to voices in our heads and do our thing for a big crowd"), and another about being pro-gun rights but not dating a woman with a gun.
  • Morril: "We kind of do the same thing mass shooters do. You listen to the voices in your head, and it guides you to do your thing for a big crowd." [33:00]
• Inside discussion about writing and refining bits, early vs. late drafts, and workshop camaraderie.
  • Morril: "What I do now is... just take a notebook and I just try to write in a room and just fucking free associate...” [33:26]

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7. Diving into Topical & Edgy Material

Timestamps: [39:14 – 41:32]

• Mark previews a new "abortion vs. immigration" chunk about left-right US polarization, finding comic common ground on divisive topics.
  • Normand: "The right wants to deport, the left wants to abort. We’re both just trying to get rid of somebody, you know, so let’s come together on that." [39:39]
• The guys rattle through possible expansions/similarities in extreme partisanship, lampooning both fringes.

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8. Comedy Anecdotes: Car Trouble and Basketball Injuries

Timestamps: [18:19 – 28:44]

• Mark details a harrowing night retrieving a vintage BMW with no heat, no registration, drunk, and frozen, after a show at Stress Factory.
  • Normand: “So I’m drunk. I’m riding dirty. It's two degrees outside. I've got a blanket and gloves on and my teeth are chattering.” [22:21]
• Sam recounts witnessing comic JP McDade rupture his patella in the comics’ basketball league game.
  • Morril: "He's gonna have to get surgery. I mean, it's fucking serious." [24:54]
• Group laments how much harder everything—the grind, travel, daily tasks—gets when injured or sick as mid-30s+ comics.

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9. Peeves & Toasts: Modern Life Ennui

Timestamps: [41:47 – 58:30]

• The classic segment of minor and major grievances:
  • Reservation apps like Resi charging cancellation fees even with hours of notice.
    • Normand: "This resi thing where if you don't, you don't show up to your reservation, they charge you $50." [47:14]
  • Frustrations with corporate customer service, automation (AI chats), and lack of recourse against big companies (Uber, Postmates).
  • People who say “It’s crazy you’ve never…” or “You didn’t know that?” [58:37 – 59:47]
    • Morril: "It's crazy. You've never done this. And you're like, no, it's not. It's not." [58:43]
  • Overuse of “red-pilled,” “blue-pilled,” etc.—complaint about everything being turned into a “pill.”
    • Normand: "Enough with the pills. I'm sick of hearing about pills. Everybody's been pilled." [61:10]
• Toasts to honesty in small talk and shoutouts to favorite comfort foods (hot sauce, salsa bars, tiki bars).
• Recommendations include Aardvark hot sauce and Lee’s Hawaiian in Lindenhurst (for old-school Polynesian fare).

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10. Comedy History, Cancel Culture, and Forgiveness

Timestamps: [67:12 – 70:48]

• The group reflects on offensive comedy past and present, with examples from Howard Stern and Artie Lange, and discussion of what made Norm Macdonald laugh.
  • Normand: "Obviously it's horrific and racist and all that, but Norm is ... up there with ... the great comedy minds ... and he finds that funny." [69:02]
• Contemplating society’s current “forgiveness problem,” using Uma Thurman’s diplomatic reaction to Ethan Hawke’s infidelity as a model for maturity and moving on.
  • Normand: "I feel like we have a forgiveness problem." [70:27]

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11. Therapy Bits & Cost-Benefit Jokes

Timestamps: [72:24 – 74:07]

• Mark and Sam exchange therapist anecdotes, joking about negotiating (and refusing) price hikes for sessions, with Mark walking out confident he “graduated” by being assertive.
  • Normand: “I asserted and I never went back. So he fucked himself by teaching me how to assert.” [73:37]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sam Morril [04:03]: “It's like a wedding. You want to be invited to the pedophile island. You just don't want to go.”
• Mark Normand [05:15]: “When you're young, you're like, the present. You're living in the present. You just want to get laid.”
• Sam Morril [08:18]: “He leaves home at 14 and becomes a boxcar hobo. Whoa. And he's, like, studying people on the train. Like, that's how he learned to act.”
• Mark Normand [39:39]: “The right wants to deport, the left wants to abort. We’re both just trying to get rid of somebody, you know, so let’s come together on that.”
• Mark Normand [22:21]: “So I'm drunk. I'm riding dirty. It's two degrees outside. I've got a blanket and gloves on and my teeth are chattering.”
• Mark Normand [47:14]: “These cunts, these sick, twisted, cum guzzling Nazis, domestic terrorists who do the. Hey, you made a reservation. If you don't oblige it, you get $50 charge. This is a new thing in the world.”
• Sam Morril [58:43]: "It's crazy. You've never done this. And you're like, no, it's not. It's not."
• Mark Normand [70:27]: "Wouldn't you say in our culture now...I feel like we have a forgiveness problem."
• Sam Morril [33:00]: "We kind of do the same thing mass shooters do. You listen to the voices in your head, and it guides you to do your thing for a big crowd."

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Recommendations & Pop Culture References

• Docs: Mel Brooks, Chevy Chase, upcoming Norm doc by Judd Apatow
• Classics: "Out of the Past," "Night of the Hunter," "Friends of Eddie Coyle"
• New specials: Kevin Nealon’s YouTube comedy special
• Food/Drink: Aardvark hot sauce, Lee’s Hawaiian poo poo platter, Bodega Cat Whiskey

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Important Timestamps

• [00:52] – Comedy doc talk: Brooks & Chase
• [03:24] – Elon Musk and the Epstein party email
• [05:31] – Aging and criteria for sleeping with someone
• [08:18] – Robert Mitchum's wild adolescence
• [11:11] – Chevy Chase childhood trauma
• [24:07] – Sam’s basketball injury story
• [41:47] – New bits & topical comedy workshop
• [47:14] – Modern peeves: reservation fee rant
• [61:10] – Overuse of "pilled" terminology in discussion
• [67:12] – Classic outrageous comedy sketches
• [72:24] – Therapist negotiation anecdote

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Tone and Language

The tone is loose, irreverent, and honest, peppered with sharp one-liners, dark humor, and meta-analysis about comedy itself. The language occasionally veers into the crude, especially during rants or bit-testing, but always in the spirit of riffing and mutual roast.

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Final Thoughts

If you enjoy open-format comedy podcasts where nothing is off-limits—and where you get genuine insight into the craft, the industry, and the (often unglamorous) life of touring comics—this episode delivers. Come for the celebrity dirt and wild anecdotes, stay for the real-time joke crafting, hot sauce recommendations, and celebration of raw honesty.

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For further info, road dates, and Bodega Cat Whiskey updates, follow Mark Normand and Sam Morril on Instagram or check their latest tour stops online.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Hey, everybody, we're here.

[Sam Morril]

Solo. Solo app.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Sam Morril]

I like a solo app.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no pressure, no dead weight. Bert Corolla. Adam, we get it. You're comedians. No, I'm just kidding.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's good. Sometimes we. We have. We want to go back and forth with. And we hold it because, you know, you want to be a good host.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, of course. But hey, it's 28 degrees out, which feels. It feels like Hawaiian.

[Sam Morril]

I know. It's like feeling great.

[Mark Normand]

I know. I love it. I walked around, did got some sun on my chest.

[Sam Morril]

I walked a couple miles the other day and it was freezing, but you throw some longer johns on, you're fine. I mean, kind of feel good after a while.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But that prick punk Satani Phil, he us six more weeks of winter. Oh, yeah. For that damn groundhog, that fat furry.

[Sam Morril]

Cunt you were talking about, that Chevy Chase doc. Oh, what do you think?

[Mark Normand]

Well, I watched the Mel Brooks and.

[Sam Morril]

I watched Gonna watch Mel Brooks. I hear it's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Mel Brooks is great because he's so cute and likable and fun. And then Chevy's like, prick, asshole, gentile. It could be a more opposite.

[Sam Morril]

I was in a green room of a comedy club, and we were trying to get the game on and it wouldn't go through. All we had was this shit. So we were watching the Chevy Chase thing, and I was like, you're not even gonna try to be likable.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know. But they showed two sides of him. His wife was like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. He's the sweete. When I was pregnant, I was ill, and he nursed me back to health all alone. He loves his daughters, so he's clearly got some issues.

[Salaki]

I'm not sure how I feel about all these docs coming out where, like, the person the doc is about is involved in the doc.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It's like a PR thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Is that what it is?

[Sam Morril]

Well, it's also though. But it's also weird when it comes out just when they die. And then you're like, did he molest that person? You know, it's like, it is weird when. Either way, it's weird.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the Bill Maher point. He's like, it's called Allen Vers. Pharaoh. It's all Pharaoh. Yeah, we don't hear Woody Allen side.

[Salaki]

He was in the.

[Sam Morril]

I said that about Epstein. He died. We didn't get to hear enough of his ideas.

[Mark Normand]

He was on the list.

[Salaki]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Ah. Who is it on there's? More people. Not or there's more people.

[Sam Morril]

Giants.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That was crazy.

[Salaki]

Did you see Luis Gomez is on the list?

[Mark Normand]

I did see that.

[Salaki]

He's actually on the list.

[Mark Normand]

And David Tell. And David Tell what? Well, they went to a comedy show and that was the lineup.

[Sam Morril]

That's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So the. The worst part was that Lewis called.

[Sam Morril]

Him a real ass dude. Damn. That's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

Cheers. What do you got? Vodka soda, gin and tonic. What is that? What is it? Tequila soda.

[Sam Morril]

That's nice. That's good. Yeah, man. That's fucking. The Steve Tisch one is like, the Giants have had a rough 10 years. That's it. It's also. Did you see the. The thing that he wrote? The email was like, he asked if prostitutes were pros or civilians.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

And he's claiming it's adults, but it's like, do you know how many whores you're banging? And if you're calling non horse civilians, you're just like, oh, you're a civilian. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. And did he get. Did he do it like a draft? You know, like, I'm going to pick her. She's. She's got experience. Coming at him. Right out of college, right out of.

[Sam Morril]

High school, he let Saquon go. So he's not picking. Good horse.

[Mark Normand]

Tight end. Okay. But hey, wow, look at these files. My God.

[Sam Morril]

And Elon Musk. Did you see that one?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He wasn't cool enough. They were like, this guy's a nerd.

[Sam Morril]

But it's the funniest email. First off, I think it was Christmas morning, which is when you have 13 kids and you're sending that email on Christmas morning. But also he wrote, I want to go to your wildest party. Which, dude, if he didn't know how fucking funny would that be, walking into that shit.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Sam Morril]

That's like a comedy. You show up and you're like, oh, fuck. And then a storm hits. You can't get out. You're just hanging out with kids.

[Salaki]

It looks just like his Christmas morning.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

More gifts, though. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. That's crazy. Yeah. Elon didn't get the invite, which hurt, but I'm sure he's glad now. Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

You want to be. You want to be thought of.

[Mark Normand]

You want to be thought of. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's like a wedding. You want to be invited to the pedophile island. You just don't want to go.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Same with a freak off. I'd love to be invited to a freak off. It would have been nice Yeah, I. I'd like to meet Leo and Jay Z.

[Sam Morril]

That would have been the fun part.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

They're banging kids. We're just like. So tell me about passing on Boogie Nights. That must have been crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Salaki]

I was watching your. I got the special the other night.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, fantastic. Thanks, man.

[Salaki]

And your consent bit is kind of like this. Like, sometimes I like to just get consent.

[Sam Morril]

Well, that is a big part of it. I think that's a lot of people's ego, right? Where, like, you just. You just want to know the person would fuck you. And then you're like, I'm good.

[Mark Normand]

Completely.

[Sam Morril]

Especially as you get older.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Because you don't have to do the morning. You don't have to let her down. You don't have to finish in two seconds. There's only downsides. Mostly.

[Sam Morril]

I just think of the afterwards part. Now. The older you get, you're like, there might not be around 2.

[Mark Normand]

So true.

[Sam Morril]

Let me think about, is she going to be cool to watch a movie? Is she going to be cool to, like, you know, Is it going to be like, arguing? Like, how about this one? Now?

[Mark Normand]

Now a movie. Well, you thought further ahead than I did. I'm like, is that a fire escape? How do I get out of here? Where's the eggs?

[Sam Morril]

What is that, a wedding ring?

[Mark Normand]

Yikes. Yeah, but it's true. Maybe that's an age thing. The older you get, the more you think about the future.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because then when you're young, you're like, the present. You're living in the present. You just want to get laid.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, true that.

[Mark Normand]

And when you're older, you're like, ah, this is gonna be a lot of work.

[Sam Morril]

You just think. You think through. You think like, is this person a good hang? Like, I would gladly fuck someone with a terrible personality back in the day.

[Mark Normand]

Totally.

[Sam Morril]

But now you're just like, I have to be around this. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but you could.

[Sam Morril]

What, am I kidding? I'd still.

[Mark Normand]

Fucking awful person Rolodex. What are you talking about? What's damaged goods?

[Salaki]

What's her name?

[Mark Normand]

Cut that. Cut that.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. No, you can keep it. It's funny. The best part of that story is that she hit me up. And she was like, you have to confront him about that. I was like, and I can't. He's like one of my best friends.

[Salaki]

Can you tell a story? I don't think everyone knows the story.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, well, it's a story from a past step. It was a woman who is, you know, an interesting character.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting character.

[Sam Morril]

I enjoy her.

[Mark Normand]

She's fun.

[Sam Morril]

I like a character. I like a personality.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting character.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

But she was. There was a lot of spunk, and she got mad at Mark.

[Mark Normand]

You got that right.

[Sam Morril]

And Mark, she got real mad that we were making jokes about it on the podcast. She claims my story wasn't accurate. I think it was pretty on the money. I don't remember. I was drunk when I told it, but, you know. And then she called me, and she goes, you need to confront Mark for calling me damaged goods. And I was like, nah, I can't. He's one of my best friends. And then she goes, well, you have to say something. Maybe, like, hit him if he does it again. I was like, no, no, no. As I said, he's one of my best friends. And then she goes, well, if he does in the future, at least tell him not to. And I was like, I'll think about it.

[Mark Normand]

All right. Well, this is kind of confronting this. It's a form of confrontation. But I don't know you, ma'. Am. I'm sure you're a nice ma'.

[Sam Morril]

Am.

[Mark Normand]

That'll.

[Sam Morril]

That'll settle it down. I don't know you, old bag.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's younger than me. Civilian or a whore? I don't know what she is.

[Sam Morril]

Civilian.

[Mark Normand]

Civilian. Let's put that in the bud. I'm just joking out of you. Seems like a nice lady.

[Sam Morril]

She's a good person.

[Mark Normand]

And I have no idea of your past history or damage or goods.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So just joking around. I'm damaged goods.

[Sam Morril]

We all are. Good human.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm sure it'll work out in the end.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's good. It's going to be fun. We'll get her on.

[Sam Morril]

I always think of the. I love a woman who's got, like, you know, some femme fatal in her.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, sure. I love.

[Sam Morril]

I would think of Mitchum and Out of the Past, where he's like, you're like a. You're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next. Wow's not going to help either. That's not going to help. I started the Mitchum biography. Holy shit. Unreal.

[Mark Normand]

Really? I watched that.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's a book. Oh, he's from Bridgeport.

[Mark Normand]

It's huge.

[Sam Morril]

He's from Bridgeport, Connecticut. It's called Baby, I Don't Care, which is awesome. From Bridgeport, Connecticut. The roughest fucking part. You've been there. I mean, that's a rough part of town. And I think Kevin Nealon's from There as well.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

How about that new special?

[Sam Morril]

By the way, great comedian. Check out Kevin Nealon's new YouTube special.

[Mark Normand]

Love Neyland.

[Sam Morril]

Classic. But this book. Robert Mitchum, like, dude, his dad died super young.

[Mark Normand]

You're actually. Okay.

[Sam Morril]

But the crazy fucking life story. But, dude, he. His dad dies super young in this mechanical accident, whatever. And then he's, like, dealing with the mom, dating drunks and stuff. He leaves home at 14 and becomes a boxcar hobo. Whoa. And he's, like, studying people on the train. Like, that's how he learned to act. He's studying people and he's, like, picking up mannerisms. He's getting fucked up on the train at 14. He's just popping into new cities. I mean, like, his life's a fucking movie.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah. I love that.

[Sam Morril]

He's just a cool.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. That's unbelievable. That's so Americana romantic.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude. I mean, it was hell, though. He's like, we'd be freezing on the train.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Sam Morril]

Smoking weed. Which weed? Back then. I'm sure you don't know what the fuck you're getting.

[Mark Normand]

Devil's grass. Yeah. And smoking weed back, it was like doing heroin, I think.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

It was a whole different world. Reefer madness.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God. Remember that horseshit?

[Mark Normand]

They got off sleep with black men? That was the big. Symptoms of weed symptoms or whatever. Side effects, side piece.

[Salaki]

So, like, I haven't seen any of these.

[Mark Normand]

You haven't seen out of the Past?

[Salaki]

I don't know.

[Sam Morril]

Out of the Past is one of the best.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

Kirk Douglas is the bad guy. That's a fucking great movie.

[Mark Normand]

Kate Fears, the original.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's in the new one, too.

[Mark Normand]

What? Yeah, I didn't catch him.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Friends of Eddie Coyle. I think I've seen that. Great book, too. Fucking amazing.

[Salaki]

Well, 73 I've seen this.

[Sam Morril]

Night of the Hunter is a fucking 10 out of 10. He's awesome in that shit.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he's good at playing a bad dude.

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah, he had a run. One good thing about the Epstein list is every comic we know has an Epstein joke. And you're like, seven years ago, is this. And then a new file comes out and you're like, my joke's relevant again. That's how selfish comedians.

[Sam Morril]

And it's a great topic because it's like relationship bits where, like, you know, it's gonna. People gonna connect with it.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I think everyone's aware of it. No one's pro pedo.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

I guess a few people on that list. But most people are not. And no one's gonna admit it. So you laugh. You pretend. Those guys probably laugh. Even like, ah, that's a good one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That email doesn't come out.

[Mark Normand]

And like Stephen Hawking, I get to make fun of a guy who's paralyzed because he's a pedo.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And he's dead.

[Mark Normand]

And he's dead. It's a win. Win. Apparently he liked the midgets.

[Sam Morril]

The midgets.

[Mark Normand]

Now he was a midget guy.

[Sam Morril]

That's nice.

[Mark Normand]

I guess.

[Sam Morril]

As long as they're of age.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I don't know. I don't know about that.

[Sam Morril]

I guess from behind, you can't really tell the pubes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But.

[Sam Morril]

Damn that. But it's nice to know everyone's got their fetish. Right? It's good that there's a group that's desired.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's true.

[Sam Morril]

But I'm sure they're not thrilled. They're like, yeah, you're not our type.

[Mark Normand]

No. No. But he's still a woman. Wants a guy taller. You're not going to be taller in a wheelchair. Unless it's a midget.

[Sam Morril]

And it's true.

[Mark Normand]

Oral from a midget. That's a low blow. All right. Tweet it. But, yeah. Chevy Chase, they get into why he's such an. And it's pretty fascinating.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Like, give me some.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he was beaten as a child. Beaten quite badly. That'll do it. Yeah. And he's like. He keeps. He confesses. He's, like, wildly insecure. So when someone come at. Comes at me, I go at them times 10. I got a short fuse. I'm crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So.

[Sam Morril]

But he could. He was just such a prick.

[Mark Normand]

He was a prick. And I never was a huge Chase guy.

[Sam Morril]

Me neither.

[Mark Normand]

To me, he, like, fell down, which. That wasn't my favorite kind of comedy.

[Sam Morril]

It was cartoonish.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I always. I always connected way more with Bill Murray.

[Mark Normand]

Me, too.

[Sam Morril]

He was kind of like the cool dick.

[Mark Normand]

Love Bill Murray.

[Sam Morril]

If you watch Groundhog Day or movies like that or Ghostbusters, he's just a cool guy who's kind of a dick and sarcastic. I just thought that was a more fun character.

[Mark Normand]

Agreed. Well, did you hear what Tarantino said?

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Tarantino said, I'm a Chevy Chase man. And the other guy who he was interviewing was like, I'm a Bill Murray. Like, I like Chase better because he stayed a dick through the whole movie. Bill Murray's a dick. And then learns he's like, Fuck that. You're gonna be a dick.

[Sam Morril]

It's called an arc.

[Mark Normand]

It's an arc.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, I don't mean a fucking Norman Tarantino. I think he's. He's got the. Understands movies.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, I think.

[Sam Morril]

I think an arc is. I was watching as Good as It Gets the other day. I love that he. He doesn't totally soften, but he softens, like, just enough.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Sam Morril]

He's still a dick, but he becomes a little nicer. You need a fucking arc.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. You need a resolution. It's a movie here. So that was. That was Tarantino's take.

[Salaki]

So which one do you put higher on? Like, the Pantheon being like, oh, this is. This guy had the better movies.

[Mark Normand]

I would say Chase Open. I mean, Christmas Vacation, Regular Vacation, and Caddyshack are lights.

[Sam Morril]

Hall of Fame.

[Mark Normand]

Unreal.

[Sam Morril]

For sure. Fletch.

[Mark Normand]

Fletch. I'll give you Fletch is good.

[Salaki]

Like Rushmore.

[Mark Normand]

Well, hold on. I'm not. But. But Bill Murray had great ones, too. Ghostbusters. What about Bob Groundhog Day Stripes, Caddyshack.

[Sam Morril]

I'll give you another underrated Bill Murray. Quick change.

[Mark Normand]

Quick change.

[Sam Morril]

Underrated.

[Mark Normand]

But my point is, Bill Murray kept going, whereas Chevy Chase went in like Cops. And Roberson's man of the House. Foul play. You know, he had some real stinkeroos towards the end where Bill Murray kept going. He kind of reinvented with Rushmore. Broken flowers, Lost in Translation. Lost the Translation, Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Not to mention all the Wes Anderson.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Royal Tenon bombs.

[Mark Normand]

Rush. Yeah, Tenenbaums. He's great. Hey, Coltrane.

[Sam Morril]

I love a bank robbery movie, dude.

[Salaki]

Yeah, this is a great one.

[Mark Normand]

That's great. That's New York, too. 80s New York.

[Salaki]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wasn't it Randy Quaid, too in that?

[Salaki]

Yeah, that's right.

[Sam Morril]

Randy Quaid's all over.

[Mark Normand]

I was watching.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I was watching. I mean, dude, he's in so many movies, you forget he just.

[Mark Normand]

Independence Day.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Last Detail with Nicholson.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Last Picture Show. I didn't even.

[Mark Normand]

He's underrated. Funny. And he kind of went nuts. He went like, Qanon.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. He went a little nutty.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, some people go nutty. You're around long enough, you're gonna see some people. Really?

[Salaki]

I had a thought of me here, hit me. You know, like, sometimes there's people in your life you write off. Eventually you're like, I just can't be around them anymore. Yeah, they just went nuts.

[Sam Morril]

Or you have them around in, like, a big group.

[Salaki]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

I can't Handle them one on one. I'm having people over. Invite. Invite this guy, the buffer, you know, he's gonna drink too much. You know he's gonna be annoying. But you throw in some other. And then. But then you see people and they're just like, what happened to that guy? I'm like, sorry about that. I made you throw a pick for me in that conversation.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Salaki]

But then I had a realization. I'm that somebody for somebody else. You're that somebody for somebody else. People are like, I can't be around Mark anymore. It's too bad.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Right.

[Sam Morril]

That's why we were old. Ari's wedding. That was our hang, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. He was.

[Sam Morril]

Disappears.

[Mark Normand]

There's a built in buffer because the whole wedding, people.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, dude. No, it's. There's truth to that for sure. I mean, people do. A lot of. It's booze. A lot of people I know that are hard. It's. They just can't handle their liquor and they don't know when to stop drinking.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But now I think it used to be booze and it shifted to politics.

[Sam Morril]

That's true. Now people are like, sometimes you get a combination.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. That's true. Yeah. Which is the worst. But some people go hard this way.

[Sam Morril]

Politics seems like it's more on social media, though. I think that, like if you're watching it, coming over to watch a game, it's more like you agree to not do that.

[Mark Normand]

Agreed. Agreed. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's less face to face, I think.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. But I guess we're so online that politics seem like reality. I mean, I'm sorry, social media seems like reality.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

But there's the flip side of that too, where you're somebody's. Don't invite that guy. But also that guy might have changed and said, don't invite that guy. You didn't change. They changed. And so you're not the crazy one. They kind of went crazy, so they wrote you off. Does that make sense?

[Sam Morril]

I'll tell you one too. Some people, they get a little success, they become so fucking insufferable.

[Mark Normand]

Peter.

[Sam Morril]

We. I was supposed to do a benefit with a good friend of ours. It won't be named, but he's. He's a pretty good friend of ours. And I heard that some comics said she wouldn't do the show because she goes, he's a Nazi. And I was like, well, I'm friends with him.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

I don't think I'd be friends with a Nazi.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, good point.

[Sam Morril]

And I was like, no, he's not. And she goes, I'm not doing any better. I'm like, he's doing a charity thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Sam Morril]

You know, it's like. It was one of the things. I was like, what, a Nazi?

[Mark Normand]

And also, the left's gotta stop calling people Nazis, and the right's gotta stop calling people domestic terrorists. Domestic terrorist is like this. Like, a guy got shot in the street. Like he's a domestic terrorist. Like, no, Timothy McVeigh is a domestic terrorist. This is a nurse or whatever.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about ice on this. That's a light one.

[Mark Normand]

Just so I needed a comparison.

[Sam Morril]

People come here because they're like, we know we can get an escape. We're like, we're going political guys.

[Mark Normand]

And look, think what you will. I'm just saying. Domestic terrorists.

[Sam Morril]

No, you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Accurate.

[Sam Morril]

No, it's.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Sam Morril]

No, certainly not. In that case, that was.

[Mark Normand]

And same with Nazi.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Sydney Sweeney's a Nazi. It's like, come on.

[Sam Morril]

That was crazy.

[Mark Normand]

What are we doing?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, Nazi. Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know. Well, I always say, is that why.

[Sam Morril]

I'm so attracted to her?

[Mark Normand]

If you got to up it, then something's.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, like, if you wouldn't say, like, Chris Brown killed Rihanna. Now he beat the. Out of her, but he didn't kill her. But if you have to say, kill her now, you make the. You know. Ah. You get.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. No, no. None of us are on board with that.

[Mark Normand]

That's why I got so mad about the BBC. When they're, like, editing Trump. I'm like, he says, crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. You don't have to.

[Mark Normand]

You don't have to edit stuff, you know, that makes it look like. Then he gets to go, they're editing all my shit.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. No, it's hilarious. I mean, there was someone from ISIS died, and they were like. He was a thinker, a reader. And you're just like, I think it was BBC. And you're just like. You could throw a negative adjective in there too.

[Mark Normand]

He's reading the Koran. He's thinking about a bomb.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's all ridiculous. I mean, it's like the way that it's supposed to. The news used to be the news. Now there's so much opinion wherever you go. It's tough. And then if there's not opinion, you still know who owns the network. So, you know, the Internet influence. It's. It's tough. It's tough to get your news now.

[Mark Normand]

It is. It is. And then everybody Goes, we'll have the neutral news. And you start watching that, you're like, this is actually starting to pick a lane too. So you can't. You can't win. That's why I just assume. And I make snap judgments and I run off emotion.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm just kidding.

[Sam Morril]

No, I know, I know, I know. How was it? How was Stress Factory, man? Bodega Cat, Whiskey. Now at Stress Factory, now at Cobbs and sf. Now it's all these clubs. I mean, it's. It's exciting. And we're about to be legal in Illinois. So here comes fucking Chicago. March 1st. That's fucking big time Chicago. It means hit us up. We already got hit up by a lot of restaurants and stuff.

[Mark Normand]

So that's Schomburg, Improv two, Zany's, maybe the Chicago Theater. Illinois's got a three restaurants.

[Sam Morril]

Hit us up, too. Wow. To our buddy Howard. And then. Yeah, so much. So many options there, man.

[Mark Normand]

Well, Stress Factory was awesome, but a couple things. Yeah, it's an hour, and it's an hour and 10 minutes away. So I always think that. So then I leave too late. And every night I was late.

[Sam Morril]

I always leave too early. And then I'm just hanging out with Vinnie. Oh, yeah, this is even worse.

[Mark Normand]

I'd rather be late. Yeah, I love Vinnie. He's a fun guy. We had a great talk. He wouldn't let me leave, but so I was late. So the. You're like, oh, you're late.

[Sam Morril]

So then he's like, I'll go up and do some. Exactly. Oh, boy.

[Mark Normand]

Which happened.

[Sam Morril]

You've really fucked your audience on that one. He's doing crowd work now, and he's like, what was that?

[Mark Normand]

I know he's deaf in one ear, but he hear this, but he had.

[Sam Morril]

One beard in his right ear.

[Mark Normand]

He had a great line, though. He does at the end of the night, where he's like. He goes back up after I'm done. And he goes, all right, guys, couple announcements. And a guy gets up and he goes, sir, sir, I'm doing announcements. That's so rude. Sit down. The guy goes, I gotta pee. He goes, I'll be two seconds. Just sit down. The guy's like, all right, all right. The guy goes back to his seat, sits down. He goes, so if you have to go to the restroom, now's the time.

[Sam Morril]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

Great, great gag. Worked every night.

[Sam Morril]

He's got some great stories.

[Mark Normand]

He does Hedberg stories.

[Sam Morril]

Geraldo. So he's seen it all.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Geez, Geraldo.

[Sam Morril]

He died Next door. Oh, brutal.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy.

[Sam Morril]

I think about that every time. Legend.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah, we had a. It's a real townies in there. Like, you want to go to America? Go do the Stress Factory, New Brunswick. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, you got some real Rutgers. It was like a J6 out there. I mean, it was wild, but with great crowds, great time, not offended by anything. But here's the clinker.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So my beamer, as you know, famously broke down on the New Jersey turnpike last year. A guy let me house it at his house. My, my mechanic went over to that guy's house, got the car fixed It. It took weeks and weeks. And he goes, all right, I gotta get your car off my, my, my shop lot here. How about this? I'll bring it to the stress factory, I'll watch your show, we'll have a drink, and then you drive the car home. And I said, perfect. So he comes to the show, he brings the car. Now he goes, here's the keys. Your gas cap is frozen. So I put enough gas in to get you back home. Two. There's no heat.

[Sam Morril]

What do you do when the gas cap is frozen?

[Mark Normand]

You gotta just heat it with like a heater for like 10 minutes. But he's, I'm not gonna do that. I don't have a heater. So he's like a beautiful car, dude. Thank you, thank you. 1973.

[Sam Morril]

It's a great pick to sell. Keys.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Times Square. So I go, okay. And he goes, hey, here you go. And by the way, this is a summer car, this thing. He's a mechanic who's like a car guy. He races cars. He's like, this was not easy to get here, so good luck. So I was like, okay. So we do the two shows. I'm drinking heavily, whatever, putting them back. Bodega cat. Bodega cat. And then I'm getting paid at the end. We say bye to the staff, we take a big photo. Drinks, drinks, drinks. By now it's like 1am Vinnie tells four stories. Now it's 1:30. And I'm like, oh no, I gotta bring the car back. I forgot.

[Sam Morril]

So Vinny's like, I'll drive you back. He just keeps talking. You're like, fuck.

[Mark Normand]

So now I'm shit faced the cars. He's like, it's gonna take 10 minutes just to start it because it's so cold out. You gotta like run it, run it, run it. Then he's like, but don't use all the gas when you're starting it, you know? And Then he's like. And there's no heat. So I had to get a blanket from the stress factory. I'm wearing gloves. I'm in the car. I'm in a garage at like 2 in the morning, drunk, like, da, da, da, da, da. Just.

[Sam Morril]

And you're alone.

[Mark Normand]

I'm alone. Just letting it run. And you know, it's a long stretch back on that turnpike, all alone in the dark. And just to cap it all off, I have no insurance. No. What'd you call. What do you call that registration? So I'm riding dirty. So I'm drunk. I'm riding dirty. It's two degrees outside. I've got a blanket and gloves on and my teeth are chattering.

[Sam Morril]

And picture you turning the keys and it explodes. Like in Casino.

[Mark Normand]

I wish that would have been easy. Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

So I get that puppy on the road and that was a long, shaky ride back to New York City.

[Sam Morril]

So now you. Do you at all regret getting it since you can't really drive it?

[Mark Normand]

Nah. Because in the summer, I mean, that thing on the west side highway with the wind in your hair, there's nothing better.

[Sam Morril]

But what's the airbag situation like that?

[Mark Normand]

No airbag, no seat belts and no power steering. Yeah. This is what I wish would have.

[Sam Morril]

That's what Norman was wearing, too. Is it a pink bomber?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

I was so Pig Sam almost drank me. But yeah, I got home at like 3:30 in the morning, just like the cars are. Trucks are like, get off the road and I finally pull that thing in a lot, and you're like, pull your hands off the wheel. I'm like, frozen to the wheel.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. No heat in there.

[Mark Normand]

No heat. No heat.

[Sam Morril]

Brutal.

[Salaki]

And if I know Mark, no plates, no insurance.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I said all this. I said no heat, no plate, no insurance.

[Sam Morril]

No. I mean, we're just. Yeah. It's insane.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So, yeah, I got.

[Sam Morril]

We're both going for overstatement. I'm going for the really bring it home. There I was for video. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then, you know, I finally get home and the wife's like, how'd it go? And I'm like, good, I made it. She was like, all right, so the car's safe.

[Sam Morril]

That's cool, man. I had a crazy thing happen to me yesterday. So, you know, I play in this comics basketball league every Sunday when I'm home. Our boy, JP McDade, we're playing a game, goes up, drives to the hoop, ruptures his fucking patella.

[Mark Normand]

Patella. What's that this knee, knee, knee is.

[Sam Morril]

Like, it's looking bad. And it's one. Like, I watch enough basketball. We're getting older, you know? That's fucking bad. We didn't know that's what it was. But I was like, this ain't a sprain. This is fucking serious.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Cause he's down and he's in pain and he's tough. He's not. You know, he took it better than fucking some NBA players I've seen with this.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. LeBron flagrants are out of control.

[Sam Morril]

And then. But, yeah, we had to fucking carry him to the. Jeff Cerule, thank God, drives us to the er.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

To the hospital. He's gonna have to get surgery. I mean, it's fucking serious.

[Mark Normand]

And JP's six. Six.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like it might be in his story.

[Mark Normand]

His head's out one side of the window. His legs are out the other side of the window, dude.

[Sam Morril]

That's the wor. The best part is he's down on the ground. Someone's like. Someone get ice from the bodega. One of the comics runs out, grabs ice from the sidewalk, like, actual ice. We're like, no, that's not.

[Mark Normand]

It's just melts. Oh, man, look at Sam looking like the angel of Death right here. God damn. He's about to take his soul. Poor Jake. Because these tall guys, they shatter. Like, oh, my gosh.

[Sam Morril]

Well, no, no, that. But he's. But he's like a pretty strong tall guy. I was sending pics. He was hitting me. But he. We get in there, he's in a wheelchair. The guy is a idiot. The guy's pushing him. And, you know, JP's 6, 7, 6, 7. So he's. So he's like, just wheeling him. JP's legs elevated. The guy's not looking. Just bangs him into a wall. He's like, ah. He's like, my leg. And the guy's like, oh, my bad. I'm like, yeah, you got a look.

[Mark Normand]

It's like a sitcom.

[Sam Morril]

You gotta look.

[Mark Normand]

Come on. So.

[Sam Morril]

It's crazy, but, yeah, he's a tough dude. That's. That's a long recovery, though, really. All right. He'll be all right.

[Mark Normand]

Like, what, a couple of weeks? A month?

[Sam Morril]

Couple weeks? A fucking. If it's fully ruptured, I don't know if it is. That could be a fucking year, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Sorry, man.

[Sam Morril]

You'll be back.

[Mark Normand]

Thank God it's a writer. Well, between shows, I don't know. Food. Salaki's offered us a cookie, which is Very nice. But I'm gonna put you on a list. You gotta get there. You're offering?

[Sam Morril]

What are you, my uncle? Yeah, you gotta eat more cookies. Take a cookie.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that sucks. Now, who pays for that? Is he gonna sue you for picking him?

[Sam Morril]

For picking. No, no, no. I was very far from that plan.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Thank God.

[Sam Morril]

God, that'd be a hilarious lawsuit. No, no, no. The thing about these injuries are they're no. They're no contact. So no one hit him. He just fucking lost balance. So it's like the no contact injuries in sports are the ones where you're like, fuck, yeah, you want contact? I got knee to knee. That game, you're like, oh, that stings for like, 30 seconds.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

But then you're fine. But, like, no contact, that's when you tear an Achilles. You do something like this. It's.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. We're getting old, too. And I wonder if the cold doesn't help.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, it's indoors.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Salaki]

Who else was at that game?

[Sam Morril]

A lot of comedians. A lot of comedians. But I don't know if you guys know them, but. Joel Wachowski.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. But, yeah, it's.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that's a bummer.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Not good.

[Mark Normand]

We. We forget, like, whenever you're sick or when you get injured, you're like, oh, my God, I don't realize how much you do in a day. Like eight pods.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Workout, go right. Go do shows, get on a flight, get on Uber.

[Sam Morril]

Like, picture airport security on crutches.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, that's. Yeah, but he'll. Look, he'll figure it out. But God damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I hate to see that.

[Sam Morril]

You just hate to see your boy go down.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Patella, too.

[Sam Morril]

That's a bad.

[Mark Normand]

That's a doozy.

[Sam Morril]

Doozy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I've broken both ankles. Just.

[Sam Morril]

Are you serious?

[Mark Normand]

Just. You know, as a teenager.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, as a teenager, you bounce back a little more quickly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Both angles, one wrist, A lot of fingers. Yeah. But, yeah, never had, like, a patella. Oof. I had a friend one time, skateboarding board flipped up, knocked his tooth out. Ooh. Yeah. Stavi, that guy's never skateboarded.

[Sam Morril]

Remember, he'd have a tooth for, like, three years.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I remember that. That was a wild time.

[Sam Morril]

He was still getting laid.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

God bless him. Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Look at that. Yeah. I think there was a point where he was like, I'm gonna ride this out. This is kind of going to be my thing.

[Sam Morril]

I remember he walked into a club once, and I was With a friend of mine and she's very attractive and she goes, there's something really sexy about it. I was like, huh? She goes, he just doesn't give a fuck.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Sam Morril]

I was like, you should see my apartment.

[Mark Normand]

I don't pass that.

[Salaki]

So we haven't had a solo in a while. Do you guys working on any bits?

[Sam Morril]

Most of the shit I've been doing that's new. Cause I'm honing for a special. Has been topical. So I've either thrown it on social media or I just kind of drop it, you know.

[Mark Normand]

But I got a couple. One is too heavy. It's like a long chunk. So I'm not gonna break it out here.

[Sam Morril]

You can break it out. Break something out. I could try. I have one angle too, I could run by you. It might be nothing though, but. Yeah, let's.

[Mark Normand]

Alright, I got this. This one's a little lighter, but, you know, getting older, stopped doing drugs. Really. So now I take vitamins. But the problem with vitamins is they don't do anything. Like, you don't feel anything. So I know we shit on drugs and drugs are bad, but they feel great. Vitamins are good for you. I feel nothing. So this is like a big bummer. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Never like, oh, shit, I feel that zing kicking in.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. So I'm like, I even forget to take my vitamins. I've never forgotten to do drugs. You know, no one's like, oh, that blow. I forgot all about it. You know, like. And no one goes to rehab for vitamins because you don't have to.

[Sam Morril]

They're not fun and just like annoying. It's like flossing. It's annoying to take your vitamins. Like, oh, yeah, I got to do that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You never feel that way with drugs. You're never like, I guess I got to do some coke.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And it's a multivitamin. Like this has got zinc, ginkgo biloba, calcium, potassium, vitamin A, B. Still nothing.

[Sam Morril]

Well, who knows if that shit's even good at this point. I don't even know. You know what else is? They had Flintstones vitamins for kids.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So kids would take them. You never see like Ecstasy shaped like a fucking X Men or something.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, I know that's an angle. Well then the big ending is like, vitamins are like a crypto guy. I'm like, how do you make money? I never see you work. But then vitamins are like an immigrant. They're illegal, but they fucking work, you know, and that Part's hitting, but, yeah, they should make vitamins feel good or something. It's weird that the one that's good for you has no upside. Like, it's like a religion. You got it. You got to have faith.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. That's been done, though.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's been done.

[Sam Morril]

I think a tell or Marin, one of them had a bit, like, where it's like, you have to pray. It's like prayer.

[Mark Normand]

Like, prayer.

[Sam Morril]

It doesn't work. Like, I. It was Marin. Marin was like, I mock prayer, but I take vitamins. Ah. There's no proof of that, I think. So I just steer clear of that angle, but. Cause I remember opening for him in, like, 2011, and he was doing that. I was like, that's a good bit.

[Mark Normand]

That's funny.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So I'm working on it, and part of it's hitting. You know, I've never sucked dick for zinc. Yada, yada.

[Sam Morril]

You know, zinc's a funny sound.

[Mark Normand]

Zinc is funny.

[Sam Morril]

You got that C at the end. That's a nice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Omega 3s. Yeah. There's a lot of.

[Sam Morril]

It is funny how you get excited for certain vitamins, though, as you get older. And, like, the same way you get excited for drugs when you're younger, that's. You know, we're getting older, you're like, ooh, glutathione.

[Mark Normand]

This is kind of cool, right? You know? Yeah. Vitamins. You want it to be stepped on? Like, I'm reading a multi, and I'm like, oh, this is in there, too. Hey. Where drugs are like, there's no fentanyl in here. Huh?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, maybe that could be something. There's something there. There's something there for sure. I got one over on.

[Mark Normand]

By the way.

[Sam Morril]

Let me see if I had a couple ideas. A lot of these are just trash. Heads up. What do I have? I'm going through the old emails.

[Mark Normand]

Email. Who the hell are you sending these to?

[Sam Morril]

To myself. Ah, you don't do that.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, I do the notes.

[Sam Morril]

Let's see what I got. I do both, but I just like to have it everywhere. Let's see what I got. Fuck. See, I don't have this down the way I wanted it.

[Mark Normand]

Mmm. But.

[Sam Morril]

Let me see. Yeah, I'll find it.

[Mark Normand]

All right. I was gonna just say to the folks at home, watch the Mel Brooks doc.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I hear it's fucking unbelievable. Judd made it. Who just did this?

[Mark Normand]

Judd is found. This is where. This is his thing. He's. She's the doc guy. The comedy doc guy. Shandling Mel Brooks, he got a norm one coming out. He did another one, I think.

[Sam Morril]

Here's the angle I have, and it's not this. I might have to flip it. Something's off. I'll try. Maybe tonight. Like how comedians, we live in our heads, and you listen to the voice in your head, it guides you. Like, we're kind of like. If you think about it, we kind of do the same thing mass shooters do. You listen to the voices in your head, and it guides you to do your thing for a big crowd.

[Mark Normand]

You know what I mean? Oh, that's good.

[Sam Morril]

So it's like, really, it's the same technique. We're just not hurting people. You know, we both have notebooks. They call theirs manifestos. Pretentious cunts.

[Mark Normand]

I like this.

[Sam Morril]

We're both societal outcasts, both got bullied in school. And for both of us, this is kind of our way of making things right.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, there's something there, right? This is great. Yeah, I like it.

[Sam Morril]

I'll play with it.

[Mark Normand]

I like it a lot.

[Sam Morril]

I told you, it's clunky as fuck, but there's something to that.

[Mark Normand]

No, this is a good idea. Good premise. Good.

[Sam Morril]

A to B. I'll just. I try to just. What I do now is I just, like, take a notebook. I used to use that typewriter thing. I just take a notebook and I just try to write in a room and just fucking free associate for like 30 to an hour.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I do the same thing.

[Sam Morril]

And it's usually just garbage, but if you get any thought I had another thought that could maybe be something about, like, how I am for your right to own a gun. But I would never want to date a woman who owns a gun. Not because I don't think it's her. Right. But I just. I'm aware of how annoying I am. And I know that people would be like, what? Like, yeah, that's great. There's something to that. I'll run these this week.

[Mark Normand]

And on the road, maybe there's like a vibrator joke. Like guns. Like a vibrator with a woman. Eventually you're going to need it.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's good. Eventually she's going to use it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, and it's going to be my fault.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

There we go.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we got that. Yeah. Peter, sound. Sound bite that so I can grab that later or whatever. All right. There's something there.

[Mark Normand]

After my. After I let her down, she's going to need it. Both of them, you know, in some way.

[Sam Morril]

After I. After I piss her off. Yeah, she's going to need it.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you need that tea. You need that. You need a. Yeah, yeah. Good stuff.

[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Sam Morril]

S.Com yeah, there's something there that's fun. Yeah. Anything else?

[Mark Normand]

You were. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is a big one. This is a big one. So I'm doing this whole chunk because we're so divided as a country. Blah Blah, blah. So I'm doing all these reasons why the left and the right are similar instead of focusing on our differences and hating each other because, you know, we got to come together, blah, blah. So I'm doing this whole thing how we're similar. The right wants to deport, the left wants to abort. We're both just trying to get rid of somebody, you know, so let's come together on that.

[Sam Morril]

You know, both of us are pro population control.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Like the. The left wing lady's like, well, hey, this baby was put into me unconsensually. And he's like, well, this guy snuck in too, you know, and then, you.

[Sam Morril]

Know, like, snuck in is good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that part hits. And then, by the way, that was hard to make that not dark, you know, I got raped, you know, but then I got a million of them, you know, like, well, he's. This baby. She's like, I can't afford this baby. And he's like, well, this guy's sucking off the teeth of. Of citizens or whatever, and then attack something with taxes. Yeah, yeah. And she's like, well, it's cruel to just get rid of somebody. Talking about the immigrant, he's like, that's what I'm saying. So they're just going back and forth, back and forth, and how it's not different. Then eventually he's like, fine, I'll get rid of this Mexican baby. And he's like, he's Mexican. Kill it. So they come together on the fact that the baby's Mexican, you know, whatever. But I got a bunch of back and forths on that.

[Sam Morril]

There's a lot of common ground there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And I like bits where you're, like, bringing people like, oh, we have more in common than you thought.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, no one's going that angle more. Everything. I was like, fuck the right. Fuck the left on either side. Let's.

[Sam Morril]

Do you have any others for that? For that? Or is it just the immigration abortion thing?

[Mark Normand]

I got this thing about how the extreme right is like, hey, we'll draw swastika on a synagogue. And the extreme left's like, just do it on a cybertruck. You know, like, we're not that different. And the extreme left is like, genitalia does not define your gender. And the extreme right's like, michelle Obama's got a dick. So, you know, if you look at it, we're kind of a horseshoe. Interesting. Yeah. These are ideas.

[Sam Morril]

As long as she doesn't play in any sports leagues, should be fine. But no, it's It's. There's. There's a lot there. That's. I think you got to run with that. That's great.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, thanks a lot there. Thanks. Yeah, but it's. It's abortion and ice in one bit, so it's. I'm.

[Sam Morril]

That'll. But that'll excite people, too. Topical. I can always. You always get more leeway with topical.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sam Morril]

I found.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, for sure.

[Sam Morril]

But, yeah, that's good stuff. I want to see if I wrote down any other. That's got any legs here. Feel like most of my shit's. I'm just honing right now, so. But I got to get back to the lab.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And work on this.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you got a special coming out, so you gotta be focused on the old hour.

[Sam Morril]

I am focused on it. I got peeves.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, hit me. Let's do a peeve, fatty.

[Sam Morril]

Let's see. I got. You know what? Actually, we do a lot of peeves. Let me do a An up. Should I do a toast?

[Mark Normand]

What do you call toast? Hit me with a toast.

[Sam Morril]

Honesty in social situations, like avoiding small talk. I was in the elevator today. I get in, there's two women, and they just kind of froze when I walked in. And I was kind of like, all right. And then she goes, we froze because we were talking about. We were talking about how much you bleed out of your vagina after pregnancy. And I was kind of like, I like that. Yeah, I like that. You told me that. I like that because, like, you know, it's usually the weather, which is. It's fine. I'm not, like, mad at the small talk, but bleeding out of the vagina. I've never had that conversation with strangers in an elevator.

[Mark Normand]

I love it.

[Sam Morril]

And then as they walked out, I said, resume, and we all got. We got a thumbs up. Was a nice moment.

[Mark Normand]

That's great. Good for you ladies. And look, we're not grossed out by that.

[Sam Morril]

No, not at all. Yeah, I'll still go down there.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Sam Morril]

So I told her, I'll still go.

[Salaki]

Down there, down the elevator. I love the toasting. This is a new thing now.

[Sam Morril]

We do we occasionally. But I like. You know, we always do. Because I've noticed on Seinfeld, I'm sure people kind of came from Seinfeld on some level. Always annoyed everything. But they do say, love this too.

[Mark Normand]

I love the toast.

[Sam Morril]

So we should throw in a toast, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I had one. The salsa bar. Any restaurant with a salsa bar, I love a salsa bar.

[Sam Morril]

I got a fucking. Speaking of that, I got A wreck slash toast. Aardvark hot sauce. Phenomenal.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

Never heard of it. The Habanero red is amazing. They got a chipotle. That's great. They got a verde. It's such good hot sauce. I put on my eggs every day. I love it.

[Mark Normand]

I know it's a stereotype that white people like bland food, but I live for hot sauce. I got like, 13 hot sauces.

[Sam Morril]

You're a NOLA guy. I feel like that's all, like, spice.

[Mark Normand]

It's all Cajun. Yeah. So.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, the home of Tabasco, too, no.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Well, I think it's. What is it, a Beta Springs or something? No, what's a beat is good beer. Dude, great beer. Great beer.

[Sam Morril]

Purple Haze. Remember that?

[Mark Normand]

That's a hell of an ip. Amber. Amber, Yeah, I remember that.

[Sam Morril]

Shit. Dude, this is.

[Mark Normand]

This is.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's good ass hot sauce.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it's in the squeezy. I love the.

[Sam Morril]

Love a squeezy.

[Mark Normand]

Love the squeezy bottle.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's. It's got flavor, baby.

[Salaki]

Mark, can you wreck Lee's Hawaiian in Lindenhurst, please?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, sure. Go to Lee's Hawaiian. It's a Polynesian restaurant in Lindenhurst. Salakis found it. It was a poo poo platter. It's the last one in the country or whatever. Traditional. It's like a seafood tower with a flame on the top.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

It's got egg roll, shrimp toast, skewers, pot stickers, and it looks insane. It's like out of a movie. It's like out of an Elvis film. There it is.

[Sam Morril]

It's hilarious. We call it the poo poo platter.

[Mark Normand]

I know their term. Pu.

[Sam Morril]

I know, but it just sounds insane.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but they got a drink called the Zombie. It comes in the big. You know, the big head with the straw and the umbrella. There it is. So good. And this own from the 60s, same owner, you know, still running. Killer.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I love that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Zombie. Those kind of like tropical bars. You ever. I ended up in one of those with Jim Jeffries once, and we were just fucking. I saw him actually over the weekend, too. We got. Got a good, nice dinner. Fun times, man.

[Mark Normand]

Is he still sober?

[Sam Morril]

He's sober.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, everybody's getting sober.

[Sam Morril]

For him, it might have been a good thing.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

He went hard.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

It was kind of impressive.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

When Aussies. When you're. When you're Australian and you got a drinking problem and you had to quit, you should have quit.

[Mark Normand]

That's a Good point.

[Sam Morril]

Those guys fucking drank.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good point.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

It's like Irish people. When an Irish guy's like, you're drinking too much. Totally gone too far.

[Sam Morril]

I remember him, like, he'd be like 15 drinks deep on stage and still delivering.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

Which is like, impressive. But also you're like, that ain't good. No, I remember a guy, heckled him once. He goes, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and you're gonna think I was a bit of a cunt. And that's the only time you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that's a good line. Yeah, hold on. I had a. I had a toast.

[Sam Morril]

Shit, I love a toast.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I had one.

[Sam Morril]

I got to do a peeve while you think.

[Mark Normand]

Do it to the pee. Because I had a. I had a toast. Lost because of poo. Poo platter threw me off. By the way, I picture when you got in that elevator was like the Shining with the blood. Two women. Pull that up.

[Sam Morril]

There were two little girls too. Oh, I got one. Restaurants close from weird hours, like 2 to 4, so I gotta eat lunch at 1:30 or.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy. 4:15, that's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

I just. Yeah, I don't like weird hours.

[Mark Normand]

I don't either. Because we're comedians. We have weird hours. Yeah. So we're not gonna be in the traditional time zone area.

[Sam Morril]

Also, it closed for like place. It closed for like an hour and a half.

[Mark Normand]

An hour and a half was intermission.

[Salaki]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Come on, get your oven on.

[Sam Morril]

That pisses me off.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Sam Morril]

What? What do you got?

[Mark Normand]

I can't remember it. You said it when you said the. What was your toast?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, the.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the honesty.

[Sam Morril]

The annoying. The avoidance of small talk and having like an actual thing because it's more entertaining. You have an actual moment and it's. Yeah, I don't know. I guess you risk offending a person, but also like, you're not gonna offend me.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I got the peeve. I got it back. Thank you.

[Sam Morril]

What do you got?

[Mark Normand]

All right. This should be a crime by. This is beyond peeve.

[Sam Morril]

Pedophilia.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, that I'm okay with, but this should be. This is worse than pedophilia.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

These cunts, these sick, twisted, cum guzzling Nazis, domestic terrorists who do the. Hey, you made a reservation. If you don't. If you don't oblige it, you get $50 charge. This is a new thing in the world.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This resi thing where if you don't, you don't show up to your reservation, they charge you $50.

[Sam Morril]

Very fucked up. But here's the counter that. Okay, what do they do if people just don't show up? Now you're at a table.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, but what if you go, sorry, I'm not gonna show up. That was my counter. Because we made a reservation.

[Sam Morril]

When we go, okay, what's the window?

[Mark Normand]

I'll give you the situation.

[Sam Morril]

This is now. You're bringing up a good point. Because this is now. We don't get the same leeway. Like, I'll give you an example. I'm in D.C. a few weeks ago and I call an uber. There's a 10 minute wait in the night. That's annoying, right? But you're like, all right, 10 minutes, I'll wait at one minute. They just. The guy just cancels on me. If I do that, they charge me.

[Mark Normand]

Agreed.

[Sam Morril]

Why don't. Why doesn't it work both ways?

[Mark Normand]

Yes, because they have all the power. We have no leverage.

[Sam Morril]

Not to mention, you try to complain these days. It's fucking impossible. I had postmates. I ordered in food the other night, and I'm not ordering in when it's super cold out because I feel guilty. I'll go out and get shit. But when it's. It was like a regular whatever I order in food hour, 45 minutes later, I'm like, where is this shit? I don't want the food now. It's gonna be. It's going to be cold. It's been laying around, right? And they. There's just no response.

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Sam Morril]

I was like, well, I got to talk to someone. And you get this fucking AI shit now. Yeah, where they're just like, I empathize with your problem. Like, I don't give a fuck if you empathize with it. Give me a New York robot. Give me a New York robot. Who's like, that's fucked up. Let me find this right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm bleeding.

[Sam Morril]

I hate this AI robot shit.

[Mark Normand]

I hate it too. But it's easy for them because you ever tried to call Uber? It's impossible.

[Sam Morril]

They just. They don't employ people.

[Mark Normand]

They don't employ people.

[Sam Morril]

They're making so much fucking money.

[Mark Normand]

So you got to do like the app where you're texting with a guy and it's not a real guy. And they're like, we're so sorry, but. But yeah, like, I could. I left my phone in Uber. I'm like, hey, can I get the answer to the Uber guy? I need the phone number for the Guy who last drove me, and they're like, we'll see what we can do. And I'm like, the guy's leaving. We're wasting time.

[Sam Morril]

But, dude, it's. It's crazy. So I'm with. I'm with you on that. I just. If it's like a mom and pop restaurant, do you feel guilty? People canceling? And now, you know, it's Saturday nights when they make their buck. So that's the one where I'm like, all right, I'm pro restaurant. I'm against these big fucking apps who are like. And by the way, Uber owns all this shit. They own Postmates, they own Uber Eats.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

You're just like, oh, switch to another. Like, no, Uber owns that too.

[Mark Normand]

Ah, well, here's the scenario. So it's Sunday, me and the wife, I'm home because they did a stress factory. So I'm all home early. I said, I wake up and I go, I'm taking you out for a hot lady dinner tonight in New York City, baby. Well, we had a. We had a nice dinner date somewhere in soho. If you said it, I'd know. A Lower east side area, real swanky. Like, girls like to take pictures there. Restaurant.

[Sam Morril]

You know what kind of food I believe?

[Mark Normand]

French. So I was like, put your dancing shoes on, bitch. We are cooking tonight. We're going out. So she got the fur out, the whole thing, and this is it. Like nine in the morning, ten in the morning, we make a reservation on Resi. Those twats. And. And then by noon, she was like, it's fucking freezing. I'm a little sick. I don't know if I want to go out. And in my head, I'm like, great, I'll save $200. But also, I get to stay in. I watch the Chevy Chase dog. I didn't want to go out. I was doing it for her. But I go, well, you might want to cancel that res. And she goes, oh, yeah, good idea. So there's still eight hours to fill the res, and they charge her 50 bucks.

[Sam Morril]

Eight hours is. Yeah, I think. I think that's a fair window. I did a similar thing with Jim Jeffries. I picked a spot. It was a 23 hour. They say they want a 24 hour window to cancel. I canceled at 23. They didn't charge me, but. Which was nice of them because, you know, but.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, they didn't.

[Sam Morril]

They didn't.

[Mark Normand]

They didn't.

[Sam Morril]

No. He brought a friend of his, and they picked some fancy restaurant in Soho, some Indian place. It Was fucking unreal.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay.

[Sam Morril]

Some really good spot, but.

[Mark Normand]

But now we spent half the day, like, calling people that we know, like, do you want to fill this reservation? It's a really nice restaurant and they were. I can. I'm out of town, Whatever. So we're trying to fill it to.

[Sam Morril]

Save the 50 by Taylor Swift tickets. I mean, Jesus Christ, I'm trying to get dinner.

[Mark Normand]

I know, exactly.

[Sam Morril]

No, it is. It is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

But that used to not be a thing, right?

[Sam Morril]

Now it's.

[Mark Normand]

It's my chips and salsa, my hotel, my deluxe burger. Add that to the list. The reservation. Now they squeeze you. Everybody squeeze.

[Sam Morril]

Squeeze. Yeah, well, that's. It's not the restaurant. It's Resi. Right, sure. So. But I guess it's. I don't know. Who knows? Where does that money go? Does it go to the restaurant or does it go to Resi?

[Salaki]

I bet it split it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. So they're not going to push on, push back on it because they're making a couple bucks for doing zero work.

[Sam Morril]

Sometimes, though, you just call the place and. And you're like. You're like, well, they're okay with it and then you can get out of it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I should call the restaurant.

[Sam Morril]

Well, if you call like, Amex or something and they're like, they're cool with you waving this. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, some, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I never thought to do that. Call Amex.

[Salaki]

Oh, you know what domestic terrorists I really hate are the guys who, like, over pack their cigarettes. This thing, they just hit it over and over again.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. That bothers you?

[Salaki]

Not if you do it once or twice. This is normal. But the guys, like, really make an effort.

[Sam Morril]

What do you think? It's like a nervous tick or something?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Salaki]

They're making some sort of, like, masculine statement. I don't know what it is, but I hate it.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting. Wow. It's weird that that might be a you thing. I just don't think it's a lot.

[Sam Morril]

I feel like you just saw it and it bothered you once. I feel like it's not a common thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but like, no.

[Sam Morril]

I guess it would annoy me if a guy was just, like, doing that. But it's like, yeah, you're not doing it any. I'm not seeing this get better by.

[Mark Normand]

Hitting it more and more. I've seen the guy with the zin who just knocks his nervous index finger all over it over and over.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, you ever see those old pictures of baseball players who would dip and they're. And their lip is, like, down here.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I love that.

[Sam Morril]

That is not.

[Mark Normand]

That's why.

[Sam Morril]

That is not healthy.

[Mark Normand]

Pull up that super bowl photo where the guy's drinking and dipping. Drinking, smoking on halftime.

[Sam Morril]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

And it's just a different world. I mean, all these guys died at 61. Look at that motherfucker. Jesus Christ.

[Salaki]

Len Dykstra?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Wasn't he in prison?

[Salaki]

Yeah, he's in prison now for gambling.

[Sam Morril]

And not paying debt for the Mets.

[Mark Normand]

To gambling.

[Sam Morril]

Played for your Amazons. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Nice. Good to have you back.

[Sam Morril]

I'm back.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sam Morril]

I sent you some clips, too, Salaki.

[Salaki]

Yeah. Let me just bring up this Keith Hernandez smoking photo, Sam.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, hell.

[Sam Morril]

I just rewatched the Keith Hernandez Seinfeld.

[Mark Normand]

That's a class.

[Sam Morril]

He's a good actor, man.

[Mark Normand]

He wasn't bad.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, solid.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not driving at the airport.

[Sam Morril]

They're helping to move. Yeah, that's just. That show is all peeves.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, he's mad that. Oh, this made me think of you, Norman. How we celebrate diversity in 1995.

[Mark Normand]

What is this cartoon? Oh, my God. That's. No, it's not real. This is not real. This is too funny. Tacos. I think the animation is real, but the. The lyrics. He goes, ooga booga. There's no way that's real.

[Sam Morril]

It was the 90s, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Well, bring it back.

[Sam Morril]

That's, I guess, how you get away with racism. You're like, isn't this beautiful? And then you just show ugly stereotypes.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Wow. Ooga booga is great.

[Sam Morril]

Is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

That's wild.

[Sam Morril]

That's bad.

[Mark Normand]

It's a whole continent, too. These three guys represent South Africa, East Africa, Nairobi, Kenya.

[Sam Morril]

These little kids, like, isn't acceptance great?

[Mark Normand]

Egypt is in Africa, by the way. Oh, that's hilarious. Three guys all got it.

[Sam Morril]

What else we got?

[Mark Normand]

That's good stuff.

[Salaki]

Which one's this news series? I didn't watch.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, I don't. I. I remember the name of the show. This is Crazy to make nasty.

[Mark Normand]

They're the guys your mother warned you about.

[Salaki]

Is that Gary Busey's son?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. Along with a very special blow, Shasta McNasty.

[Sam Morril]

Not to mention that, like, classic dance they do. Like, I feel like you had to do that in a sitcom back in the day.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right? Wow. I've never heard of this.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know how long this show lasted, but, like, holy.

[Salaki]

This is, like, one step away from Uga Booga.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that joke could be Mary Rednitsky No.

[Sam Morril]

Yes. Yes. From 24.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she was a comic.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, she is a comic.

[Mark Normand]

She is a comic dude at the store.

[Sam Morril]

But it's amazing that, like, you look at this shit, you're like, oh, this got made.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Think of all the shit we've had.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

It's been passed on.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. Oh, upn. That's why UPN was the bottom of the barrel of networks.

[Sam Morril]

What does Shasta McNasty meet? What is it?

[Mark Normand]

I assume he's a rapper and these are his buddies or something.

[Salaki]

There's Jeff Ross is in it. Verne Troyer's in it.

[Sam Morril]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Rice Club. Marissa Rice Cub. What's that lady's name? She's an LA comic. She's funny.

[Sam Morril]

Mary Lynn, M.D. rice Club.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's good.

[Sam Morril]

Wow, she's great on 24.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I think Janine was on that. That.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Garofalo.

[Sam Morril]

Damn. Okay, this one. Have you seen this? This is.

[Mark Normand]

You got quite a. I had three.

[Sam Morril]

I had three. Locked and loaded. They're also from, like, previous episodes, but we just had to talk about.

[Salaki]

You read. She.

[Mark Normand]

What did he say?

[Sam Morril]

I'm going to marry a girl who's 13 years old. It's every rock song in the 50s.

[Mark Normand]

That's great.

[Sam Morril]

That's pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's great. Is he a comic or is he.

[Sam Morril]

He must be. That's wild.

[Mark Normand]

That's great. See, that's what's great. Like, movies have kind of comedy movies have gone by the wayside, but these guys are picking up the rear.

[Sam Morril]

What? Shout out is. Is that. What is it?

[Mark Normand]

Kyle Gordon is great.

[Salaki]

Great.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. That's a funny ass video.

[Mark Normand]

Very funny. He's got a million of them. Look at this guy that's doing the works.

[Salaki]

A million views. A million views.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, he's cooking. He doesn't need our help. Damn. All right, all right.

[Mark Normand]

Well, hey, funny's funny. That was fun for you, Kyle.

[Salaki]

Can you shout us out, Kyle?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, shout us out. You're bigger than us.

[Sam Morril]

What do we got? Any other peeves? I got a few.

[Mark Normand]

I think that Resi thing really pissed me off. What?

[Salaki]

With, like, 10 bucks on it.

[Mark Normand]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Credit card. Are you on, Mike?

[Salaki]

Oh, he said get a reservation. Get a $10 prepaid credit card only give them that. And they hold that. And they can only ever take 10 bucks.

[Sam Morril]

Isn't that, like, up. Oh, prepaid, I guess. Your name's not even on it. Yeah. Is that. Are you allowed to do that?

[Mark Normand]

Them? I'm Doing it.

[Sam Morril]

No. I wonder if they would ask for a name.

[Salaki]

I think I just asked for a card.

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Salaki]

The card number, I guess.

[Mark Normand]

As long as it goes through. They're like, great.

[Sam Morril]

You make virtual cards with your name on it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, thank you. I'm doing it.

[Sam Morril]

I got one more peeve, please, people. Who hit you with one of these. It's crazy. You've never done this. And you're like, no, it's not. It's not.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You're in, like, you know, Chicago or something. Like, you haven't been. That's crazy. You got. I'm like, no, it's not crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I don't live here. Yeah, right.

[Sam Morril]

I've been here many times. I've done a lot of stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yeah, I'm with you on that.

[Sam Morril]

It's crazy. They're like, just maybe, like, you have to do it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's fine. Don't make me feel bad. Yeah. For not doing the random thing that you're into.

[Sam Morril]

How about this? Oh, you should do that. That's fine.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's cr.

[Sam Morril]

That's crazy. Now you're a dumb piece of.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

For never having done it.

[Mark Normand]

That's my wife. That's great. You never to the gym. No. I hate that.

[Sam Morril]

You've never Tongue my. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

That's never been. You got to get a resi. To my. If you want to eat.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. We booked the date. If you cancel, you got to pay.

[Mark Normand]

Me 50 bucks or eat my ass. I hate the. I. I probably said this before, but the guy who goes similar to this. He goes. You go, I've never. Never knew that. You didn't know that. Ah, that's kind of why I said I didn't know that. Now you have to double down on me. I didn't know that. You didn't know that. That's why I said I didn't know that.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah. It's like the. It's like the people who are like this. You haven't seen this movie?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I haven't seen every movie.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

There's a couple Blind Spots.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Just happens to be your favorite movie. I haven't seen it. I'm sorry. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

How about. Oh, you'd like it. That's great.

[Mark Normand]

That's it.

[Sam Morril]

You'd like it.

[Mark Normand]

God, I've known nothing about our next guest. I'm nervous.

[Sam Morril]

We'll figure it out.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. I don't know. Megaway. She's very charming. Charm.

[Sam Morril]

Charmed.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

We'll make it work. He was in Jumanji. Was he one of them? I think, isn't it?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

He's been in some. He's been a lot. He's in that dad teacher show.

[Mark Normand]

BBC.

[Sam Morril]

He's in a lot of.

[Mark Normand]

All right, all right, all right.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, we'll be fine.

[Mark Normand]

Now, where are you at on tv? Like, would you get.

[Sam Morril]

Do tv Meaning make my own show?

[Mark Normand]

No, like, if. If Blackish was like, hey, we got a part. You gotta audition. Does that do anything for you?

[Sam Morril]

If it gave me a part, I'd be like, maybe. But yeah, I don't audition. Takes the whole fucking day.

[Mark Normand]

Takes a day. Not to mention, if you get it, you got to fly out there, then you're in it for.

[Sam Morril]

Not to mention, you get there. They're like, blackish has been off the air for 10 years.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, shit. I thought I was still on.

[Sam Morril]

I might still be. I feel like it's not on.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think it's on, but that's how little I know about TV. If somebody's like, that's been going for 20 years, I'm like, oh, all right.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I just. How long is it off?

[Mark Normand]

Six seasons.

[Sam Morril]

So that's a good run it had, though.

[Mark Normand]

That's a damn good run in this climate.

[Salaki]

2022. 2014-2022.

[Sam Morril]

Well, you know. Yeah, I think I would, like, love to make a show, but that's. I. I like. I like acting and shit. I make. I don't love.

[Mark Normand]

Same.

[Salaki]

I don't.

[Sam Morril]

I'm not, like, dying to just be an actor. It's kind of boring.

[Mark Normand]

I agree.

[Sam Morril]

You love them. Unless it was like, sure. Like Curb or like an awesome director or something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, but if they flew you out there, you're in this for. It's a. It's a 22 minute show. So then you're in it for three minutes, maybe, if you're lucky. Is that gonna move a ticket? Is that gonna sell anything? I mean, you get to meet one of the Lawrence Fishburne. That's kind of cool.

[Sam Morril]

Is he on that show?

[Mark Normand]

I'm looking at the guy in the blue suit.

[Sam Morril]

He's a great actor. I mean, yeah, man. I. I think it's like, whatever.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Oh, here's a peeve. Yeah, enough with the pills. You know, people go, he's been red pilled. He's been blue pilled, he's been black pilled, he's been white pilled. He's on the pill. Blue chew. Enough with the pills. I'm sick of hearing about pills. Everybody's been pilled.

[Sam Morril]

Red pilled. What's white pilled?

[Mark Normand]

White pill is like. Is positive. I think things are going to work out.

[Sam Morril]

I never heard that one.

[Mark Normand]

I think I might have made that up, but. Oh, white pill is on.

[Salaki]

Optimism.

[Mark Normand]

Optimism.

[Sam Morril]

I've never heard it.

[Mark Normand]

Because it's. No one's fucking happy anymore.

[Sam Morril]

Everybody is. Black pill. The opposite.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, black pills are all over. We're doomed anyway. Why? Might as well not try. It's all going down the shitter.

[Sam Morril]

So there's red, black, white, blue, and no others.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sure there's others that we don't know about.

[Sam Morril]

Brown pill, that's when you start shitting everywhere, I guess. What else?

[Mark Normand]

There's got to be more pills, but everybody's on some pill, which is, I guess, fitting because we're all on medication.

[Sam Morril]

Are you on any meds?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Sam Morril]

You don't take anything?

[Mark Normand]

I take stuff to sleep.

[Sam Morril]

What do you take?

[Mark Normand]

Shit. What's it called?

[Sam Morril]

Like thc.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I take that, but I also take a thing. It's a schizophrenia drug. Starts with an O. Oh, if you said it, I'd know it.

[Salaki]

Okay, sorry.

[Mark Normand]

What pills? The pills. I think I got all the pills. Yeah, but aren't you glad you don't? I know guys who wake up, take Adderall, then they take it anti anxiety, whatever. Then they take to go to bed. It's like to come down off the Adderall.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's me without the middle stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the anxiety stuff's the worst because.

[Sam Morril]

Anxiety, like, have you ever. Have you ever had a panic attack? I feel so bad for those people.

[Mark Normand]

I think I have once in college. That was it.

[Sam Morril]

I was like one or two and I was like, this is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

It's crazy. You think you're gonna die. I was pouring sweat.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I was like, the room was spinning.

[Sam Morril]

So, like, if you need that shit, take a fucking pill.

[Salaki]

That happened to you?

[Sam Morril]

I smoked, I took an edible and it was like I had a full on. Like I was on, like, hanging on for dear life.

[Salaki]

That's not a panic attack. That's brought on by a drug. I'm talking about, like, when you're like trying to perform or fall asleep and you just start sweating.

[Sam Morril]

You're like, what the fuck is going on Time. I drink a shitload of coffee and one time I think I just really overdid it and I was on stage. Happened to Veedor too. I think it was the altitude in Salt Lake. And we both were like, what the. I got off stage, I was like, I was like, shortness of breath. I, like, couldn't fucking. I don't think the crowd knew, but I got off. And Vitor's like, I told him. And he goes, yeah, me too. Holy shit. I was like, we were freaking the fuck out.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Sam Morril]

It's weird when it happens during a set because you're like, just fucking smile and keep doing the jokes. Everything's cool, but you're freaking out a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's scary. I only had one in college. I was in community college. I failed out of college. Barely got into community college. My life is hanging on by a thread. I was an alcoholic. My parents hated me. I was a bull loser. Community college. I'm staring at a math test. I don't know any of what any of it means. It's all Greek hieroglyphics, algebra, with all that. And I knew I wasn't gonna pass this test. I was gonna pass the class. I was gonna fail out again. And it all came crashing down. I was staring at the desk, and I kept seeing drops of sweat hit the page.

[Salaki]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And I was like, oh, God. Oh, my life. I'm a loser. I'm going to hell. I'm going nowhere. And I just, you know, spazzed out and put my head down. And then the guy, the teacher was like, you okay? And I was like, I need some air. And I walked out and I was like. And then I came out of it, but I failed the class and everything.

[Salaki]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. It sucks when there's nothing you can do to console yourself, because reality is just is what it is.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Sam Morril]

Like, this is going to happen.

[Mark Normand]

This is it.

[Sam Morril]

That's what I was thinking with JP yesterday. I was like, I'm trying to be positive. I'm making jokes, like, you know, I was like, thank God you're not Sebastian. Your career would be over, you know, but you don't move around on stage anyway, trying to, like, say fun things, get a smile.

[Mark Normand]

That's cool.

[Sam Morril]

And he was. He was. He was in good spirits. But you're like, oh, no, but you will be. And this is just reality. And he understood it. I mean, it's like, it sucks me. Like, this is what it is.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes.

[Sam Morril]

There's no getting around it.

[Mark Normand]

That's it. It's like a funeral. This is it. It's. She did. They're dead. Whatever. It's. That's reality. It's sad but true. But, you know, it's so sad, these math tests. I would just write in numbers and, like, scratch stuff. Out. And then, like, write a six with an X on top. And then I'd do a fraction. I made it look like I tried, even though it was all. It was all fake. It was all just random letters I put in just so the teacher was like, oh, okay, he's trying.

[Salaki]

Even sadder.

[Mark Normand]

It's so sad. It's so sad. I'm so bad. You could see through that immediately, of course. But I was 19.

[Sam Morril]

I've been there, though. Where you're like, maybe I can outsmart the teacher.

[Mark Normand]

Show your work.

[Sam Morril]

I've been there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Show your work is the worst. Because they're like. Like, none of this makes sense.

[Mark Normand]

None of it. None of it.

[Sam Morril]

And you're just like, yeah, yeah, I was trash.

[Mark Normand]

Literally, like a Goodwill hunting type problem on that page. And I'm like, I will. You could put a gun in my mouth. Cocaine in my ass. I have 10 years. I'll never figure this out. 10 years. So, yeah, I just had a panic attack.

[Sam Morril]

I like that teacher who puts a gun in your mouth, you idiot. This isn't helping.

[Mark Normand]

Stupid. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, fuck.

[Mark Normand]

I'll be great if you put the gun in my mouth. I'm like, t equals 8 squared. Like, I just figured it out.

[Salaki]

Did you ever see this?

[Sam Morril]

I've seen this.

[Mark Normand]

This is funny because this is what comedy used to be. At some point, this became offensive.

[Salaki]

Do you want to set it up? Mark, how did.

[Sam Morril]

This is Howard Stern, Artie and Norm. And Artie was on Mad tv. He did some racial shit on that show.

[Mark Normand]

Are you kidding?

[Sam Morril]

That's my white mama.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Artie or Howard?

[Salaki]

Artie.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Artie. Yeah, yeah. Artie had a lot of dar. He's from Newark.

[Salaki]

Yeah. So he pitched a skit on Mad TV they didn't run. It was called Good Will Smith Hunting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I pitched a thing called Goodwill Smith.

[Mark Normand]

Good Will Smith.

[Sam Morril]

He worked at an all black college. And you know the. The problem on the blackboard, because I was two plus two.

[Mark Normand]

Puts a four. And they go, who's who saw.

[Sam Morril]

Hard to believe why this one didn't make the show. SNL's got a very different writers room.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Salaki]

Also Happy Black History Month, everybody.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow. Good point.

[Mark Normand]

Boy. Boy, did you see this trend going around Rosa Parks. Husband had a car and everybody's pissed about it. And I'm like, like, maybe we shouldn't have waited till February 1 to break this puppy out.

[Sam Morril]

That's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

But it's going viral that her husband had a car the whole time. It's all, whatever.

[Sam Morril]

You got a Car. You take public transit. That's.

[Mark Normand]

That's a. I know. It's just a funny idea that. That. She's like, I'm taking the bus. He's like, I'll give you a ride.

[Sam Morril]

She's like, I want to take the one day.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The one day. He was like, I'm not.

[Mark Normand]

But what I love about that sketch with Artie Lang, obviously, it's offensive. Obviously. Obviously, it's horrific and racist and all that, but Norm is this comedic genius. I would say he's, like, up there with, like, the great comedy minds of our time, and he finds that funny. Yeah, I love that.

[Sam Morril]

It's just so absurd. It's so absurd, and it's. And it is so offensive. That's why he's laughing.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. Exactly. But people like, how could you laugh at that? It's like. Because it's ridiculous.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, that's why I think people lose sight of comedy. You know, they're looking for some moral compass. I'm like, well, it's. It's like a fat guy swimming on a banana peel.

[Sam Morril]

Some of the Howard. Some of the Howard that you're like, yeah, this is not.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Very well.

[Mark Normand]

Black face. I mean, you can pull it all up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Not great.

[Mark Normand]

Do you see that video going around now of Uma Thurman looking smoking hot?

[Sam Morril]

So hot.

[Mark Normand]

So hot. In the 90s and still hot. But this is a 90s clip. And he's like, pull fiction.

[Sam Morril]

Haircuts coming back. I see a lot of women rocking that bob now.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the bob. Yeah. All right.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But so she's on Howard Stern looking great. And he's like, what were you doing with Ethan Hawk? He's like, oh, yeah, way shorter than you. And he's. She's like, he's a little shorter than me. It's not that big of a deal. And he's like, yeah, but he cheated. She goes, so what?

[Sam Morril]

She was forgiving.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. She's on Mike. Like, she's not gonna trash the guy, but.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And they share kids, probably. I mean, you know, it's like. I think you just got to be diplomatic in that. Mark's mark. Nailed it. We don't have to watch it, but.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, look at. She looks great.

[Sam Morril]

I mean. But yeah, it's like, you know. Yeah. Five. How many years were they married? Five years to say.

[Salaki]

Yeah, I was married for five years.

[Sam Morril]

You know, that's. That's kind of divorce goals.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

You want. You want to be on good terms with the person, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Well, wouldn't you say in our culture now, and maybe I'm getting too dramatic. I feel like we have a forgiveness problem.

[Sam Morril]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

You know, and so it's kind of cool. I'm not saying you should cheat on your wife or you should or.

[Sam Morril]

And I wouldn't judge her if she was like, yeah, that was fucked up.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

I wouldn't even judge that. But that is cool that she can. That she's like, oh, I'm not holding on to that. My life has moved on.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. So you don't see that now. Now it's like, what can I get out of this? I'm a victim. You know, cancel this guy. Go at him, whatever it is. Vice versa. Men and women.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Or ex husband and kill. Bill shot her in the head, so this is nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, is that right?

[Sam Morril]

Right.

[Salaki]

Carradine.

[Sam Morril]

Carradine. Yeah, he shot her.

[Salaki]

I heard a comic talking about. I don't remember what the punchline was, but the setup was amazing that you should have to re up every five years in marriage.

[Mark Normand]

James Smith. I told you this.

[Salaki]

Oh, you told me. Tell me that.

[Mark Normand]

He said a wedding should be like a cell phone contract. Every two years, you check back in, like, you still into Verizon, and you're like, yeah, I'm in. Let's do another two years.

[Sam Morril]

James Smith has some great shit.

[Mark Normand]

Such a great point.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, Great point. And, like, you've heard people say it other ways. He found it in a clean way.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. He was the always the most succinct punchline. He was smooth. Oprah was like, so ba. Whatever the celebrity.

[Sam Morril]

Why.

[Mark Normand]

Why would you want to cheat on your wife? Why do men want to cheat on their wives? It was like this whole episode about why. And he's like, we want to fuck other chicks. That was the whole joke. Yeah. Or the whole punchline.

[Sam Morril]

But he said it like, Oprah. I think it's because.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He said it like it was like there was going to be this profound answer, and then he just. Yeah, I mean, he. He is always hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Great guy.

[Mark Normand]

And the Australian accent made it funnier.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That great bit about therapy. He's like, stop. People always want to tell you probably, you know, when you go, how you doing? They go, actually, my back hurts. He's like, I was. I was just being polite, mate. I don't really give a fuck. He's like, that's why your therapist charged you 250. That's how much it costs to hear your shit. Yeah, 250.

[Sam Morril]

So, you know, it's an old bet that's what a therapist in New York cost back then. Holy shit. Is that low these days? Probably.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, really?

[Sam Morril]

Therapy in a while, but in New York. Holy shit.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Alan was not charging me that. Yeah, but he was a man of the people.

[Sam Morril]

It was.

[Mark Normand]

But, you know, I fired him because.

[Sam Morril]

Fire him.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I stopped going.

[Sam Morril]

Mark's like, I'm sorry, this isn't working out. We're letting you go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He's like, yeah, I don't give a shit. I'm giving you a deal because I'm fine letting you go.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, get out of here.

[Sam Morril]

He's like, I'm no longer paying you $40 an hour to listen to my shit.

[Mark Normand]

That's exactly right.

[Sam Morril]

Meanwhile. Meanwhile, Mark, you know, he's sliding jokes in there at an insecurity. Mark's like, oh, fuck, I'm boring him right now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Let me.

[Mark Normand]

You know. Well.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, I did it too. I would. I would slip every once in a while. I'd be like, oh, I know there's a comic in here before. Let me try to bring the heat.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was a great bit. I remember that.

[Sam Morril]

I have to.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I was doing Abort to port on him.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He didn't care for it, but he was always like, you should assert yourself. You should assert yourself. And then one day, up my prices because we had. I had a special come out. And he goes, yeah, I saw the special. I saw you tonight's show. I think. I think you're doing pretty well. I think it's time to up the prices. And I said, I don't think so, Jack. And he said, well, I think it's only fair to bring it up to here. And I said, I'm asserting. And I never went back. So he fucked himself by teaching me how to assert.

[Sam Morril]

Mark is so cheap that he neglects his mental health. I'm charging you slightly more. Mark's like, no. Mark's like, I would rather be fucked up than give you slightly more money.

[Mark Normand]

That's a bit.

[Salaki]

What you don't know is that was a test to see if you graduated out of therapy. And he won. You graduated.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe I saved the money. So who's the real winner?

[Sam Morril]

I don't think it was a test. I think he was like, you're cheap and you're underpaying me because I'm sliding scale.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I never went back. So you come back down.

[Sam Morril]

He's a good man, Alan.

[Mark Normand]

He's a good guy.

[Sam Morril]

Very good man.

[Mark Normand]

But here's the question. If I get caught on Epstein's list. And my. My career goes in the. And I'm doing the. The Yahoo Hut and Dicktown, Pennsylvania. Is he gonna lower the price if I go up in. In career? He raises it if I go down in career.

[Sam Morril]

I think he would have. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Sam Morril]

I also think. I wonder if there's someone on Epstein's list who's seen the therapist. Like, is Woody Allen. He's in therapy. Is he like. God, I'm very stressed. This whole list, it's making me crazy. I'm so. I'm so nervous. They mentioned my name. It's horrible. It's a horrible thing to do to someone.

[Mark Normand]

Well, put the pin in that. The first Sam impression of all time.

[Sam Morril]

I've done impressions.

[Mark Normand]

Have you?

[Sam Morril]

Dangerfield.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, geez, you're right. All right, we got two.

[Sam Morril]

I got two. Was that good?

[Mark Normand]

That was great.

[Sam Morril]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

That was great.

[Sam Morril]

I've never tried it. I've watched a lot of Woody.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, same. Oh, Woody with his therapist on Epstein's aisle. That's a sketch. Put that your pipe and smoke at Kyle Gordon. Oh, we gotta wrap up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Where you headed, Mark?

[Mark Normand]

When's this come out?

[Sam Morril]

This comes out when we should come. We should put this out soon, right? We did some topical.

[Salaki]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Do you want to keep pushing?

[Mark Normand]

Madigan?

[Salaki]

We have Madigan on the 8th.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I forgot. No guest on the 15th to put a lady.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, let's do it. Madigan, then this.

[Salaki]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Okay.

[Sam Morril]

I will be our guest last week, Right? Okay, great.

[Mark Normand]

Whitehall might need earlier. All right, well, I'll be in Arizona, Flagstaff, and Swaharita at the Desert Diamond Casino. Indianapolis. Helium running that new set. Buffalo Helium. We're gonna add a show there, baby. Beautiful. Portland, Maine, and Providence the Vets. One of the great theaters. Lexing, Kentucky Comedy, Off Broadway, amazing club. Fort Lauderdale at the Improv. And Raleigh, North Carolina. And what is this? Oh, Comedy Store, la. That's already sold out. That's the Netflix fest. I'll be out there with Sammy the Bull himself. Molson. Oh, okay. Molson. Canna. Canadian center at a casino. I don't know what town that was. Salky's moved it. Spokane, Washington. New B. Nb.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What's nb? No, that's Canada.

[Sam Morril]

Nebraska.

[Mark Normand]

Nuvo. Brunswick. It's got to be Canada. But I've never heard of New Brunswick. And a new void.

[Sam Morril]

Nebraska's ne, Right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Hey. Yeah. So all I really have right now is Tampa Theater, February 26th. I think that show might be sold out. Maybe not. And then we have. Because the other Two are sold out. And then we have Los Angeles. When is Los Angeles? May 7. United Theater with Jordan Jensen, Joe List and Rachel Feinstein. Gonna be a lot of fun. Rare LA appearance for me. It's gonna be a great time. Get on that Lisbon. August 30th. More European dates will be coming. I'm announcing soon, so we'll see if I'm coming to your place.

[Salaki]

Is there still time to buy seats to this one show in Tampa on the table?

[Sam Morril]

Possibly. Possibly, yeah. And then I got a lot of, a lot of stuff I will add, so I, I, I've neglected that, but I, I, I'll get on it. Get some bodega cat guys, some bodegat whiskey, bodakeat whiskey.com and our, our Instagram bodega cat whiskey. Message it if you want you. We're coming to every state.

[Mark Normand]

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. It's gonna be all over before you know it. I mean we're already in the biggies and every club we do it's gonna have it, so come on by Stress Factory. It was moving like they were selling cases.

[Sam Morril]

Maybe that'll yeah, that's, I mean, it's a great sign, dude.

[Mark Normand]

Hell all folks, thanks. We'll see you in hell. Get some bodega, go nuts comedy. Sunday's the day for my next bender. A bit of P. You know, the beer Jew's close.

[Sam Morril]

I've had a little too much burping.

[Mark Normand]

And Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like the cops coming and Naked City Emmanuel is feeling dangerous.

[Sam Morril]

I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans.

[Mark Normand]

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