Ep 273: Adam Carolla

Summary

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Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk Ep 274 – Adam Carolla

Hosts: Mark Normand, Sam Morril
Guest: Adam Carolla
Date: March 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

NYC comedians Mark Normand and Sam Morril welcome radio and podcast legend Adam Carolla for a freewheeling discussion that blends comedic banter, cultural commentary, and behind-the-scenes stories from the worlds of comedy and car culture. The episode is packed with personal anecdotes, bits on the pitfalls of modern technology (like dating apps), sex and relationships, comedic pet peeves, and a recurring debate about Jerry Seinfeld and Adam’s famous Porsche.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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Scotch, Comedy, and Awkward Interviews

(00:06–02:28)

• The group kicks off with Bodega Cat whiskey, riffing on afternoon drinking and Adam’s legacy in radio.
• Adam and the guys recall Adam's famously awkward interview with Elliot Gould ("single word answers, combative, weird" – Adam, 00:44) and discuss how some performers adopt negative personas to mask discomfort or lack of content.
• Adam: "When you don't have anything to say, you just say something negative. And all of a sudden you have a personality." (02:25)

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Dating Apps & The Tyranny of Choice

(03:23–05:46)

• Mark shares dating app woes, notably how bad most women’s openers are, which the guys riff on.
• The discussion broadens to the paradox of choice online, linking it to dating, shopping, and even internet porn:
  • Adam: "They always say too much choice makes people miserable..." (04:39)
• Comparing the search for partners (or even porn) in the digital age to the simplicity of past generations.

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Masturbation, Lube, and Standing Technique

(05:57–10:09)

• Hilarious and graphic discussion on the evolving relationship with masturbation as men age – from marathon porn sessions to the practicality of "just getting a sandwich instead."
• Adam espouses the merits of going "dry," warns of the perils of relying too much on lube, and gives “dad advice” about mastering the standing jerk:
  • "You gotta be able to squeeze one off standing up, because when you can do it standing up with no lube, the world is your oyster." (09:03)

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Arnold, Nannies, and Sex Scandals

(10:09–14:49)

• The infamous story of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s housekeeper makes the rounds, prompting riffs about infidelity, the allure of forbidden in-house relationships, and Maria Shriver’s (lack of) understanding.
• Mark jokes about his own unglamorous nanny situation as Adam and the panel explore the "nanny fantasy" and how unrealistic some of these scenarios are.

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MILF Porn, Parental Awkwardness, & Family Dynamics

(17:44–24:24)

• Amusing discussion on porn tastes and plausible deniability when a spouse spots your search history.
• The guys reminisce about the embarrassment of parents finding porn – Mark: “One time I got caught jerking it by my dad…” (18:45)
• Adam shares a youthful story about his mom’s reaction to possible gay porn and how his family ironically would have been supportive: "My family's one of the rare families who wishes their son was gay. My mom was, like, early woke." (21:13)
• Adam proposes humorous “trade” solutions for gender transition among twins, keeping a “boy/girl balance” (23:59).

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Parenting Styles & the Joy of Growing with Your Kids

(24:22–27:37)

• Adam reflects on his positive bond with his teenage kids, contrasting vivid childhood memories and the weirdness of “parent as friend” transitions.
• Mark: "That's gonna be the hardest part about being a pedophile: conversation." (25:17, joking about the irony of kids’ dull interests).

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Football Lessons and Raising Kids in Your Footsteps

(26:09–28:26)

• Adam explains how sports (specifically, Pop Warner football) saved him as a kid, wishing his son picked up the same love but observing that children rarely mirror their parents’ obsessions.

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Car Culture, Jerry Seinfeld, and the Great “935 Porsche” Snub

(28:26–34:16; key segment revisited throughout episode)

• Adam describes his pride in owning Paul Newman’s legendary 935 Porsche and relays the story of Jerry Seinfeld refusing to walk over and look at it at Ren Sport Reunion:
  • Adam: "You want to check it out?"
    Jerry (per Adam): "I'm good." (30:01)
• The hosts discuss possible reasons: from Seinfeld’s personality quirks to exhaustion from fan requests.
• This “Seinfeld Porsche refusal” debate becomes a running joke, sparked several more times during the episode, ultimately prompting the group to try to find the podcast where Jerry recaps his side of the story.

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Comedians’ Pet Peeves

(40:10–47:50)

• Mark’s peeve: Friends who push you to try something (a meal, an experience) just so they can watch your reaction (40:11).
• Adam’s peeves: People fishing for validation—“Guess how much I paid for this sweater”—and those who demand you remember them or past encounters.
• Sal’s peeve: Slow-walking tag-along friends who frustrate his high-speed city lifestyle.
• Sal and Adam go off on the downsides of oversized public toilet paper rolls and unsanitary restroom behavior.

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Comedy Shop Talk: “Punching Down,” Artistic Rules, and Rich Man, Poor Man

(51:03–69:43)

• Debate about modern comedy “rules,” with agreement that “punching down” can be hilarious and new generations of comics shouldn’t be hamstrung by artificial restrictions (Louis CK quote discussed at 52:05).
• Adam does his classic “Rich Man, Poor Man” bit—what habits or experiences unite the very rich and the very poor, but no one else:
  • Example: “You’re on a first name basis with the judge.” (66:44)
  • Example: “You know the going rate for copper.” (66:59)
• Mark and Sal encourage Adam to keep performing the bit, despite Adam’s reluctance to do his “greatest hits.”

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Comedy Industry: Working Material and Keeping It Fresh

(84:00–85:20)

• Sal and Mark discuss the challenges of running new material in high-stakes clubs like the Comedy Cellar, balancing crowd expectations versus the creative necessity to workshop ideas.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla:

  • "When you don't have anything to say, you just say something negative. And all of a sudden you have a personality." (02:25)
  • "You gotta be able to squeeze one off standing up, because when you can do it standing up with no lube, the world is your oyster." (09:03)
  • "My family's one of the rare families who wishes their son was gay. My mom was, like, early woke." (21:13)

• Mark Normand:

  • “That's gonna be the hardest part about being a pedophile: conversation.” (25:17)
  • “You only have 12, 15 minutes, so it's not like you can pull the nose dive up sometimes.” (84:46)

• On Seinfeld and Car Culture:

  • "He just walked up to me and he goes, that rich man, poor man bit, that's your bit. That's your signature bit. And I was like, thanks, Jerry. Seinfeld and I never did it again." — Adam (62:07)

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• The relentless quest to validate Adam’s claim about the Seinfeld Porsche incident, including hunting for podcast audio and joking that Seinfeld “scrubbed the clip” (69:39).
• Extended analogies between masturbation, restaurant ordering, and male/female behavior—one of several explicit, comedically frank discussions (07:46).
• Repeated mockery of luxury/celebrity scandals (Arnold, Tiger Woods, Paul Newman) and the recurring “Rich Man, Poor Man” punchlines.
• Mark’s infamous road trip masturbation story, with the punchline: “I had to shoot it in the sleeve of my own jacket.” (53:44)

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Car Culture: Newman & Seinfeld

(28:52–34:16, 61:00–69:43)

• Adam shares racing car stories, including his connection to Paul Newman’s Porsche and deep-dive into Seinfeld’s car collection.
• The podcast intermittently circles back to the comedic “snub,” with audio evidence eventually played for comic effect.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Awkward Elliot Gould Interview: 00:44–02:28
• Dating Apps & Digital Choice: 03:23–05:46
• Masturbation Aging & Advice: 05:57–10:09
• Arnold/Nanny Scandals: 10:09–14:49
• Parenting, Kids & Gender: 24:22–27:37
• Adam’s Football Upbringing: 26:09–28:26
• Seinfeld Porsche Story Pt. 1: 28:26–34:16
• Pet Peeves Roundtable: 40:10–47:50
• Seinfeld Porsche Story Pt. 2 (audio): 77:55–79:37
• Rich Man, Poor Man Bit: 66:01–69:39
• Comedy Shop Talk: 84:00–85:20

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Tone & Style

• The episode is fast-paced, raunchy, brutally honest, and full of riffing and callbacks.
• All hosts and guests maintain a “ball-busting,” self-deprecating style consistent with NYC comedy circles and Adam Carolla’s long-established voice.
• Even explicit or potentially offensive topics are approached with comic absurdity and mutual playfulness.

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Useful for Listeners If…

• You enjoy candid and comedic takes on dating, sex, and modern life from veteran comedians.
• You’re a fan of classic comedic bits and stories about showbiz legends.
• You appreciate inside baseball about cars, especially rare Porsches and celebrity-driven racing history.
• You want to hear old bits like “Rich Man, Poor Man” and see how they relate to modern comedy.

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Notable Guest Promotions

• Adam Carolla: Upcoming shows listed at adamcarolla.com; performing “Rich Man, Poor Man”; upcoming Hollywood Walk of Fame star.
• Mark Normand: New Netflix special drops March 17th.
• Sal Vulcano: Taping in Tampa, adding European dates.
• Mike Kaplan: Photography website “Negative Collection.”

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This episode showcases the best of “We Might Be Drunk” – quick-fire comebacks, real talk about careers and culture, and the unique camaraderie of seasoned comics.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Hey, folks, we're here. We might be drunk. We're back. We got Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Legend of the radio airwaves.

[Sal Vulcano]

We heard that you're a scotch guy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Are we doing an afternoon scotch?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take a taste if you got a product. We got.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, we got a ton of shit.

[Mark Normand]

Some good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Well, you guys got a rye, right?

[Sal Vulcano]

You want to drink our stuff?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Let's do three Bodega cats on the rocks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Is that, by the way, is that a California split screensaver? Whoa, you fucking nerd. That's a good movie.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. Elliot Gould.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Leading Jew.

[Sal Vulcano]

He was. He was weird on your show, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, that was the craziest interview ever. And I don't know if it was some sort of, like, art installment. He was doing, like, on stage. Like, I don't. I interviewed him. I mean, people can go back and listen to it. Just single word answers. Combative, weird. And on stage in front of a live audience.

[Mike Kaplan]

I was at that taping.

[Adam Carolla]

It was.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was in the audience.

[Mark Normand]

You were there?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Weird, right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Kaplan]

It was a restaurant, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, if you have. Look, if you have a low threshold for discomfort, then it was really tough. But if you thought. If you think weird is kind of cool. That was weird.

[Mark Normand]

It was awkward. It was like performance art.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was very awkward.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Is.

[Sal Vulcano]

Do you think he has all his marbles up there?

[Mike Kaplan]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I've heard him on other interviews. He's sharp, he's funny, witty. I think he's got a beef.

[Mike Kaplan]

Was he forced to be that?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but you guys know this as well as anybody. Some people, if they don't have a magnificent sense of humor, like, he's a really good comedic actor, but he probably doesn't have the chops to just be up on stage in a live situation. So what they do is they pick a kind of weird, negative thing, which is like, think about morning DJs who have nothing to say.

[Mark Normand]

They're mean.

[Adam Carolla]

They're mean. Like, they'll go, yes. Oh, did you see that Marty? Magnificent movie? Lame. Lame, dude. So true. So lame, bro. And then they'll find. And they'll go, like, Scooter. Scooter liked it.

[Sal Vulcano]

Lame.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy's lame.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing. When you don't have anything to say, you just say something negative. Yeah. And all of a sudden you have a personality.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So you just. You can. You guys have had those guests who go, I'm just Going to disagree with everything you say, Al Frank.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And David Gross was tough, too, and

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to disagree with everything you say. So it seems like I have something to say, but really, all I'm doing is shooting down whatever ideas you have.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's like a girl on a date who's negging you.

[Mark Normand]

I was thinking the exact thing.

[Sal Vulcano]

They're negging you. And you're like, no, I. I'm like, you're a comedian. I'm also a human being.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm always like, please stop already, blonde lady. Oh, come on. What you guys think I meant?

[Mark Normand]

But it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Same with. Gee, that's a quite a pour there, Peters. My God, it's noon.

[Sal Vulcano]

Geez, what the hell?

[Mark Normand]

Fuck.

[Sal Vulcano]

Cheers.

[Mark Normand]

Of course, he's the guy who doesn't drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Mark Normand]

It's a spicy rye.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nice. Spicy. Yeah. Yeah, good.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like a spice.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I would say the same with girls with dating apps. When I was a single man, they'd be like, there's an app called Bumble, and they have to initiate. And they were horrible at it. Every opening line was horrific. And I was like, if I open with this, I'd be a virgin. You know? They'd be like, how's your Tuesday? That's what you got. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Sal Vulcano]

I got to stop using that as my opener.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is. Why is your dating app named Bumble? Because that bumble sort of sounds like, you know, you're trying to do a load of laundry, but you trip over the hamper and, like, vaudevillian.

[Mark Normand]

Sounds like Bumble.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like, blowing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They go bumbling, stumbling, rumbling.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, it also makes you think of, like, buzz off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

It makes you think, like, leave me alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's either buzz off or I can't make it down this flight of stairs without sliding on my ass. Either one is bad, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, it's. Dating apps are tough, dude. I mean, they're not. Because you feel like you have all the options in the world, and then you're just like, I'll figure it out. And then you just end up with nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. I would say the Internet's the same way. You know, we're like, hey, we've made this thing to connect all the people and come together, and now we all hate each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And you also write people off more quickly. You're like, yeah, it was a weird angle of her face. You're like, those earrings are too big. I can't be with someone with earrings that big.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Well, you know, they always say too much choice makes people miserable. Like, they go, if you are going to buy a TV set and you have four choices, you're happy. But if you have 28 choices, you're miserable because you think you got the wrong one. And this endless scrolling of women who are available, maybe that makes you miserable. Like, maybe we should just grow up, you know, like a John Cougar song, and have the girl, Sally, next door. She was my neighbor and she was my high school sweetheart. Now I'm fucking her friend. But just maybe. It's all.

[Mark Normand]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. The problem is the possibilities.

[Mark Normand]

There's so many.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you just back in the day, you just dated whoever lived closest in

[Sal Vulcano]

your orbit and it was kind of safer.

[Adam Carolla]

Your best friend was the guy magically lived across the street.

[Mark Normand]

How convenient. Also, Internet porn. I'm sitting there going, she's not perfect enough. She's not right. Da da da. That's not dirty enough. That's not. And I'm now in a rabbit hole and a butthole for six hours I never even finished. Yeah, before you find porn under a rock. And you were like, hey, it's fat chicks on blacks.

[Adam Carolla]

I could. I could get by with a RA Raft box. A box that had a raft in it that had a hot chip floating in a bikini across the pool. That was enough, by the way.

[Sal Vulcano]

You just said you didn't finish. There's nothing sadder than getting older and jerking off and midway through being like, yeah, it. Oh, that's the saddest moment ever. I'll just get a sandwich instead.

[Mark Normand]

No. Yeah, I can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the worst is, like you pull a calf muscle and have to limp off the field. You know what I mean? Like, take yourself out. Go under the tent. Locker room. He may be back.

[Mark Normand]

The funny thing, that's how my wife is with sex with me. She's like, all right, we're good, we're good.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you get the Apollo pull off,

[Mark Normand]

I get the double tap. Like. Like McGregor.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Sandman there with the broom.

[Mark Normand]

Big Kane. Oh, yeah. Big Daddy Kane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know. It's even. I think the. That sad or older part of masturbation rather than. I mean, getting halfway into it and then just kind of packing it up is sad. But, yeah, thinking about it and never even doing it is even a sadder testimonial. Like, I've had tonight's tonight, and, like, some point I fall asleep, Right?

[Mark Normand]

That's a tall order.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's also sad when you're in a hotel on the road, and you're just jerking off for like an hour 15.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I'm saying.

[Sal Vulcano]

And you're just like, like, I got to finish this.

[Mark Normand]

You got to finish what you start.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're saying, Mark, saying the too many possibilities means you think you're missing out on something better. Also, guys. Guys beat off like they're going to the electric chair the next morning. You know, this is going to be my last dance. You know, I mean, and that's. We do it like that. You know, we do it. I think we beat off. Like women order. Like women go out to dinner. And she's like, what. What's in the salad dressing? Oh, okay. So could I get the entree turned into a special and turn into an some point. You just go, we'll eat again, right? Eat again tomorrow. This is not your last meal. Just order something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, let's go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But I think guys beat off that way. It's like, this is the last time I may ever beat off. And I want everything to be perfect.

[Mark Normand]

Perfect. We're like Meg Ryan.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna light a candle.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Put some Enya on.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Is that a towel down?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Generic lube for this ombre. I'm going Nivea.

[Sal Vulcano]

Do you guys do lube every time?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Mark Normand]

No. Dry.

[Sal Vulcano]

I go dry, too. Lube is fancy.

[Mark Normand]

We're men.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a fool's errand. The lube. Like, I'm. I'm going to have a talk with my son, which is don't get married to the lube. It's going to be a life. It'll follow you around. I'd rather you get in. Can't you get into fentanyl? I'd rather you get into fentanyl rather than lube.

[Sal Vulcano]

At least people will see him on the street again.

[Adam Carolla]

L. Lube. Well, first off, there's the now. Now you're going camping for three days and there's no lube. And so you got to go with the spit hand. That's number. That's number one.

[Mark Normand]

Or you got to use some weird bark or SAP.

[Adam Carolla]

Number two, it is a. It's a. It's a trail. People, you know, you will. At some point, the stepmom is going to go, I just want a jumbo sized drum of Jergens. And it's like, I bought it two days ago.

[Mark Normand]

It's forensics now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Yeah, we're destined for lube at this point. Like, no, it's a tell.

[Mark Normand]

Right? David, Tell.

[Adam Carolla]

And the other thing I would like to teach my son, or hopefully he's listening, is let's get the position right. You got to be able to squeeze one off standing up, because when you can do it standing up with no lube, the world is your oyster. You literally beat off, like walking down and out.

[Sal Vulcano]

You'll never get shin splints if you work these right here over the sink

[Adam Carolla]

in the stretched out position, by the way. You will get busted because you can beat off in the shower. No one throws the shower.

[Sal Vulcano]

Shower's tough, though, because once you get wet, it's hard to get a grip.

[Mark Normand]

The friction is off.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, the shower jack is tough. But what I'm saying is it when you lay down on top of that comforter and get the lube out, that's an easy bust. You're super vulnerable at that point. If you're standing, there's always, like plausible deniability. No, it's taking a piss. Give me a break here.

[Mark Normand]

With a boner, that should be part of that, you know, that US thing where every kid has to do 10 push ups and nine sit ups. It should be. You should be able to jerk off standing.

[Adam Carolla]

Arnold Schwarzenegger's the ambassador. Like, you gotta a fat nanny. You know what I love about Schwarzenegger? There's only one. Please. There's only one. We got two in. There's.

[Mark Normand]

It's early in the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Picture of that maid he was banging.

[Mark Normand]

Pull it up.

[Adam Carolla]

There's only one. And she's in a pirate outfit.

[Mark Normand]

No. What is she, Somali?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus. I swear to God, it's on.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. It must be taken on Halloween, but you can put her. Put her in. It's awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, she's a quite a ghoul.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But you know what?

[Sal Vulcano]

She's the exact opposite of Maria Shriver.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course.

[Mark Normand]

And it's a woman in your house. Yeah, she's in the house.

[Sal Vulcano]

You have Sprite every day. One day you'd need Dr. Pepper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Women don't get that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're the worst society in the world because our society is like, you know, we're pissed at him. Not. Not because he stepped out on his wife, but because she doesn't look good in her pirate outfit.

[Mark Normand]

Ask G matey.

[Sal Vulcano]

The fact that he didn't pull out too. Just fucking arrogance.

[Mark Normand]

You know what a pirate name is? A Puss in Boots.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a lot of, you know, testosterone coursing through those veins. You know what I mean? He's just a dude. And by the way, I would.

[Sal Vulcano]

You can't really deny that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. But I would say to Maria Shriver, I would go, look, the whole reason this guy's Mr. Olympia seven times and has a crazy action hero career, that's the same guy who fucked the pirate lady in your house and unclear whether she dressed like a pirate every day or that was just an isolated incident. I don't know. But the whole point is, I would go. This is what comes with this part of the pun. Like, if you want to marry this guy, great, he's going to make millions. He's going to be box office star. He's going to have, you know, Mr. Olympia, but he is occasionally going to fuck somebody else who wanders into this house, because that's who he is.

[Mike Kaplan]

Mark, you have a nanny now, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Mike Kaplan]

What's that situation?

[Mark Normand]

Like, I got a brown lady, no English, and it's perfect so she can't rat on you. Well, anybody can do this. This is universal. But. But, yeah, she's a nice lady. She's unattractive. It's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, who the.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's a listener of the pod. By the way, she's a big fan.

[Adam Carolla]

The ultimate nanny was Tiger Woods. Nanny or the woman who was a nanny who became his wife.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like, oh, Elon, yeah, she was the nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

She was a nanny.

[Sal Vulcano]

Swedish, though.

[Adam Carolla]

No, nanny. And then Tiger married her. But the whole point is, is could you imagine having this piece of ass walk in your house?

[Sal Vulcano]

Like, like, like if the movie parasite worked out, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what would you do, Mark, if, you know, your wife just goes, hey, I got a nanny. She's highly qualified, blah, blah, and this piece of blond ass walks through the door. Would you step up and just go, listen, I'm gonna just nip this right.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she's fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Way this is gonna. At some point, your wife's gonna go out of town or something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Find yourself.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're standing, standing, jerking off into the sink every time you're going to the kitchen. Be good, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

No lube.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, but it would totally change the dynamics, of course. Be like, do you want an omelet? You'd go, me, I'll make you an omelette. What do you like?

[Mark Normand]

It feels like a trap on a cartoon where there's a ham sandwich under a, you know, that falls down. I'm like, this is obviously entrapment.

[Adam Carolla]

She's somebody. She was somebody's nanny. That's crazy how I didn't know that.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's how it Started.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how secure was the wife of the guy who. Who found this person, said, we are nanny.

[Sal Vulcano]

So he was married before her and then cheated with her.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I. He. I'm. All I'm saying was, is her job was nanny. When she came here from.

[Mike Kaplan]

Not his nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweden. Oh, her job was nanny.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, I thought it was his nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, I wasn't. I wasn't clear, or you guys weren't listening. One of the two. But either way, she was a nanny.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And a nanny so hot that Tiger woods would pluck you out.

[Sal Vulcano]

He adopted a kid just to be like, can you come over?

[Adam Carolla]

Come over.

[Mark Normand]

But she feels like if. If a movie made her the nanny, you'd go, well, this movie's ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

Too much.

[Mark Normand]

Too over the top.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we don't need Megan. Kelly's the nanny.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

That shit.

[Mark Normand]

You know what he should have said, what are you looking for? Nanny. What are you looking for? Four. Four in there. She's an 11.

[Sal Vulcano]

There's not much you can do as a man because they don't really have male nannies, Manny. It's very rare.

[Mark Normand]

They used to have British men in sweaters who had come in. A nanny, like, Mr. Belvedere is the only male.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's the only male nanny.

[Adam Carolla]

Mr. French from family.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's rare, though.

[Adam Carolla]

They had butler nanny. Right, guys?

[Sal Vulcano]

You know, Remember Arthur John Giglood?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's what you want. You want a sassy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Alert the media. Yeah, that's what you want now. So she comes here, she's a nanny for maybe multiple families. And then Tiger comes and plucks her up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, wow. That's crazy. She. I think that's a work. She came to this country looking like that, going, I'll be a nanny. I'll get in a guy's house. Hopefully a celebrity slash athlete. And now I'm good to go.

[Sal Vulcano]

How do they meet? Can we look that up?

[Mike Kaplan]

Yeah, I'll look it up. But I think Schwarzenegger did the same thing. He came here from another country. He's gorgeous. He's like, I'm going to marry up.

[Mark Normand]

But at least he made movies. He pumped iron. He became a governor. She's just a lady who's hot, which is the difference between men and women. Right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's all you need.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, Schwarzenegger certainly didn't start a good actor. No, but I mean, he's. But he's kind of good in a. Whatever way, you know, like, he's Fun.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's campy.

[Sal Vulcano]

You rewatch those movies like Kindergarten Cop. It's fucking fun.

[Mark Normand]

It's fun.

[Sal Vulcano]

True Lies is fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so she worked as a nanny for a professional golfer. Vic or whatever. And they met 01 at a tournament. The British Open.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, so she's a golf lady. She's in that world.

[Sal Vulcano]

An au pair. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That means they live there.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah. So this guy.

[Mark Normand]

How.

[Adam Carolla]

How secure is this guy's wife? Or is she just a lesbian? That's one or the other probably. Lesbian. Right. Like, I.

[Sal Vulcano]

The talk is coming up, like, you think she's attractive, and you're like, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I love. I love when you have to pretend.

[Sal Vulcano]

What? Her.

[Adam Carolla]

She's so. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing, like big tits and blonde, it's super.

[Sal Vulcano]

If you're into Helen Troy type thing. Yeah, maybe she's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Traditionally Beautiful, beautiful women.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

He brought her. He should. If he did not try to the nanny, he deserves some sort of plaque.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like his name needs to be etched in bronze somewhere.

[Mark Normand]

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's a good point. Yeah. Forget the. The cup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Funny.

[Mark Normand]

She.

[Adam Carolla]

His wife kind of looked like.

[Mark Normand]

I know that's a little bit like an older.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's plausible deniability because you go, honey, I was drunk. I didn't have my glasses.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought I was your. Smells the same. I. I didn't know.

[Mark Normand]

It's a compliment. I thought she was you. You look the same. Yeah.

[Mike Kaplan]

Swedish fish.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, well, that's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's a good question. Here's a good question for you guys. Oh, in terms of look the same and like porn. I got a friend who's pretty heavily into MILF porn.

[Mark Normand]

I'm a fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And. And he likes it real milfy, like, you know, crow's feet and, you know, C section scar and stuff like that. And he not.

[Sal Vulcano]

I want the sun to be there. That's how milfy I want it.

[Adam Carolla]

But. But if his wife catches him, he can go, well, you know, this is kind of you. You know what I mean?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you like black and busty.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And that is the opposite of what the. Your woman is.

[Mark Normand]

Good point.

[Adam Carolla]

And now there's an issue, right?

[Mark Normand]

Like it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because that's.

[Adam Carolla]

You're fantasizing about this and married to that. Whereas if you're into MILF and there's somewhere in the. The ballpark of your actual woman, then there's. Again, it's.

[Mike Kaplan]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's plausible Deniability, you know, look.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If I think about you when I look at things.

[Mark Normand]

No, I. I like that because one time I got caught jerking it by my dad. Very embarrassing. But I was watching MILF porn and he was like, what the hell?

[Sal Vulcano]

After your mom.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I was like, hey, you get it. You're married to a lady. A mom.

[Sal Vulcano]

I had the same thing. My dad found a DVD I had called Older Rod Riders. And he goes, what the fuck is this? And he was just. He was furious.

[Mike Kaplan]

It was.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't know. I was always a kid. You had DVDs back then.

[Mark Normand]

That.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was that. And I had a fat porn DVD.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Sal Vulcano]

It was curiosity. I was like 13.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

So we'd hand it around the school. We had everything.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

We traded them, like cards.

[Adam Carolla]

I had. My dad found a gay magazine in my room. And so here's what it was. There was a. It was a little mag. Wasn't a magazine. It was like a magette or something. It's like a half. A little thing.

[Mark Normand]

Easy.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're gonna say something else. Please.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. No, it's like one of those things where you go to a high end car auction, they'll give you this thing and they go, oh, lot 26B, Mercedes Benz. Like, you get a little. You could circle. So this thing was called Cult Roundup. Wow. Funny wow to me. And it was all dudes. They weren't doing anything. They were just kind of hanging around, their dicks out. Right? But there were a couple of them that just had headshots. There's a guy named Clay who had puka shells. And it was like, I remember being 16, going, you think you're so hot, Clay, I don't get to see your dick. Is that what's going on here?

[Mark Normand]

That's the gayest part, is just the headshot.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't throw it away because I took an oath to not throw away porn. You know what I mean? And this, technically, was porn, Right. Wasn't for me. So I just like. It was a.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're a collector.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just kept it as a goof. Like, people will collect weird old World War II paraphernalia.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

You a Nazis?

[Mark Normand]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I collect this weird stuff. There's a weird.

[Sal Vulcano]

We're not comparing gays to Nazis, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. But.

[Sal Vulcano]

But I do think it's hilarious. There's something hilarious. It is so much gayer to jerk off to a man's smile than just a new.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I agree. That's what I'M saying he's wearing, like, a Hawaiian shirt. His name is Clay. Doing that.

[Mark Normand]

That's super. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I took an oath not to throw away porn, so I kept it. And at some point, my dad found it, and he never said anything, but I know he had to be thinking, okay, my son is, like, struggling.

[Sal Vulcano]

Right. Do you think your dad would have been cool with it or.

[Adam Carolla]

No, my. My family's one of the rare families who wishes their son was gay. My mom was, like, early woke.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

They loved saying, like, my grandmother had gay friends.

[Mark Normand]

This is where AI is gonna get you.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't like that. Mark's the top there.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, let me stand up, guys.

[Mark Normand]

All right, look at this.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go get me a coffee, please.

[Mark Normand]

We got a couple of maggots here.

[Adam Carolla]

My mom and my grandmother, they were early woke money. And so they love the idea of their friend and he's gay.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it made them super progressive and tolerant and non judgmental. And they would have loved it if I was gay. They really would have.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's like you got yelled at for looking at pornography, but you can't really yell at your kid for looking at gay porn because then you seem homophobic.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So you have to kind of do like a, hey, you shouldn't be looking at that. But yeah, you know, hey, live your life, whatever. So you got to kind of be a good parent.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're like, do you want to talk to me about.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

My parents didn't talk.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't. I kind of did. The don't ask, don't tell. Like, I was like the US military in the 80s with my kids. I think whatever it is you're doing.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I don't want to know.

[Sal Vulcano]

My mom talked too much.

[Adam Carolla]

She was, like, uncomfortable.

[Sal Vulcano]

My mom's overprotective Jewish. Jewish mother. I remember we. I remember I. I kissed a boy when I was in second grade, and I was like, mom, I think I'm gay. And she's like, you're not gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

She just knew.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's like, you're not. I just know you're not.

[Mike Kaplan]

I'm your mom.

[Sal Vulcano]

She's like, I can tell. And I was like, oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Damn gaydar Strong. Yeah, it's hard with kids.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was in all boys school. It was prison gay. Basically.

[Mark Normand]

Like, oh, yeah. No options.

[Sal Vulcano]

He was the girliest of the bunch. I chose.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

What's all hairless back then? In my experience, I can't speak for all of them. There may be A couple Armenian kids. But I haven't felt any up. I told my kids, look, I got boy, girl, twins. And, like, I'm in la, so there's, like, a lot of transitioning going on around. And I was, like, trying to think about it, like, what would I do if somebody, you know, if my daughter said, I want to be the son and my son, you know, they transition? And I came up with, like, a sensible policy? I think. I think I would say, like my daughter said, said I want to be a boy. I'd go, okay, but I have boy, girl, twins, right? That's the way I'm gonna keep it. So I'd have to go to my son and go, hey, listen, you're getting traded. I'm not buying any new clothes. But you guys are switching rooms for sure. And sorry, boy, I know you have no interest in this, and you're kind of collateral damage, but put the dress on.

[Mark Normand]

Do it for the family.

[Adam Carolla]

Just tuck your junk. I brought some tape. Let's try this.

[Mark Normand]

That's good. You know, if she switches, you gotta switch.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta switch. And then I still have boy, girl, twins. Then if people ask, I go, yeah, yeah, I got the boy and the girl.

[Mike Kaplan]

Then you have to teach your new son how to jerk off in the shower standing up.

[Mark Normand]

Let's go ahead and pull that tape off.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get to business.

[Sal Vulcano]

You seem like you're pretty tight with your kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have fun with my kids. They're 19 and.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Is that right?

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's crazy. And they're good. Like, they're. They're. They're smart and they're kind of fun. And, you know, you'll. You'll see when kids get a little, like, at some point, they turn into people and not kids, you know, and you can. You can tell stories and have a laugh and.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And all that. All. All that stuff. Yeah, they're like. They're nice. They're fun. They're cool. Cool kids. My son's, you know, funny. They're both, like, pretty smart. You can bounce jokes off them and stuff like that. It's kind of. It's kind of fun when your kids get to that point where you can actually, like when they're little and you go, well, they want to go out to dinner. You're like, oh, chicken fingers. And talk about Pokemon. And right there, it's gonna suck, you know, staring at my phone the whole time, because it really. What are we talking about here?

[Mark Normand]

That's gonna be the hardest part about being a pedophile.

[Adam Carolla]

Conversation. Oh, it's the brutal Pokemon talk and the chicken tenders.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you're just like.

[Adam Carolla]

Just get out of here.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm not watching Peppa Pig.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Demon Hunters.

[Adam Carolla]

Explorer. All right, let's go.

[Mark Normand]

Can we watch Deer Hunter?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

For Christ's sake.

[Adam Carolla]

So. But at a certain point, they turn into, like, adults, like, contemporaries, you know, and, you know, and you can talk and you can have, like, a laugh, and. And if they're smart and sort of interesting, they'll be interested in, like, stories and ideas and, you know, all. It's like going out with one of your friends versus the like. All right, here we go.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's kind of patient. Well, it's. We had signs.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like a pedophile. You got to be patient.

[Mark Normand]

It's true. But if I got to strike early, it's like an avocado. No, wait, the opposite. It's like a banana. All right, so we had Seinfeld on. You know, he's a big car nut as you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he was saying he wished his son was a car guy. Oh, and you probably. Did your son give a. About the vehicular.

[Adam Carolla]

There is such a. It. So there's such a weird thing, which is like, I grew up and, you know, kind of poor and latchkey and just sort of run around like a wild man. But, yeah, I always said that football saved my life, like, playing. I started playing Pop Warner football when I was seven. I played contact football, like pads, and I played all the way through high school and, like, a year of college. I didn't go to college, but junior college, whatever. But. So it was like every lesson I ever learned in life was out on that football field. Like, every. I was, you know, statistically. Statistically, I was supposed to become a statistic. Basically, I was heading down a bad. And then I got football, and it was all me mentorship and hard work and perseverance and stuff. And I was like, that's all I want my son to learn. He can learn. I don't care what he does in school. I don't care what his grades are, but I want him to learn those lessons out on that football field that never played it down. So that's number one. Number one. It was like, no, football. Yeah, he played flag football, which is like, by the way, if you want to pronounce it correctly, hold your tongue and say flag football. That's how to pronounce flag football. So he played. Please. He played. He played flag football and then just sort of played basketball.

[Mark Normand]

He didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

He never. And then the car. Like, he didn't follow in my footsteps at all with anything. Yeah, but that's fine. Like, it becomes a weird, narcissistic endeavor. Like, your kids got to do what you. You did. I. In the on the car department, I take him to Laguna Seca every year for the Rolex historic race. I race every year there, and he comes every year and has been for a decade and hangs out at the track and sees how the car's getting worked on and sees me race and all that kind of stuff. So he's. That's a cool experience. And he's. He's down with it. Seinfeld, there's a funny. You can find this clip of him with Spike Ferrister talking about me. But you guys tell me how this works.

[Mark Normand]

Spike wrote the Soup Nazi episode.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, no, I know. He is rewatching Seinfeld episodes just like on the Road Road.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the best show ever. All right, so you guys tell me what you think. So Seinfeld and me are at the Ren Sport reunion, like a year ago, a year and a half ago at Laguna Seca. Ren Sport's like the biggest. The Porsche Porsche gathering ever.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And they do a race, but they also display all the prominent Porsches. And I actually won the. The Wysock trophy there in like 19. I think it was. I think it was 2018 or something. Driving Paul Newman's 935 Porsche.

[Sal Vulcano]

That is fucking cool.

[Adam Carolla]

It is pretty cool. It is. And you can find maybe a picture of that 935 Porsche or me, whatever. But the whole point is, is it's one of the rarest Porsches in the world.

[Sal Vulcano]

Can we see a picture of it?

[Adam Carolla]

And. And so Ren Sport said, can you bring your 935 Porsche to RennSport and. And display it?

[Mark Normand]

This is in your garage. I've seen this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, this is in my garage. So they built a whole display for this 935porsche.

[Mark Normand]

Hawaiian Tropic, Right up top.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. And they. And Newman drove it at Le Mans.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's got a ton of history. One Daytona outright. It won. It's kind of interesting because that Brad Pitt F1 movie starts with him in a Porsche winning Daytona.

[Sal Vulcano]

That movie, if it was like 40 minutes short, it would have been amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

That thing wins. That thing wins outright. But so I'm there and Seinfeld's there, and Seinfeld has, like three of his Porsches there, and we're looking at his Porsches and We're talking about it. There's a, you know, crowd around and stuff like that. And so I say to him, you know, Jerry, my Porsche is about 25 yards from where we're standing. It's Newman's 935 that won Le Mans. And he goes, okay. And I go, you want to check it out? And he goes, I'm good. You don't want to walk over there and just look at the 935? And he goes, no. I go, well, we're at Rensport. It's all Porsches, and we're only here to look at Porsches. And I'm looking at your Porsches. You don't want to come and look at the one that won Sebring at one Daytona? It won. Lamar Paul Newman drove it. I won the Wysock cup here in it in 2018. He's like, no, I'm good.

[Mark Normand]

What is that?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what. I don't know what that is.

[Mark Normand]

This is Elliot Gould all over again.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he goes on a. Goes on Spike's podcast, and he talks about it like, I'm the crazy one.

[Sal Vulcano]

What do you say?

[Adam Carolla]

You'll find it.

[Mark Normand]

We got to get over. Let me call him.

[Sal Vulcano]

You'll.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll find him going like, yeah, what's Corolla doing? But he does that Bill Burr thing. Like, what? It's a car. So what?

[Mark Normand]

What's next?

[Adam Carolla]

Who cares? Man on the moon. All right.

[Mark Normand]

Big whoop.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like, you can. You can minimize. Minimize anything. Do the right inflection.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

And they always do this thing, too, and they go. And then you go to the moon. And then what? Nothing.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, okay, Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. This is. This. We'll find him. He'll. All right. It's.

[Mark Normand]

I'm shocked. I thought he'd be all over that car.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. And listen, I. I don't. You know, we're not best friends, but we're Porsche guys, and you've hung out before. Yeah, Yeah, I, I, I know him a little bit.

[Mike Kaplan]

I'm Jerry's collection, by the way.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my Lord. Look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

J. That is a lot. Crazy Porsche guy and I have one of the most significant Porsches on the planet. And it was 100ft from where we were standing in its own gazebo.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We were like, now, I think, you know, when he walks around, he gathers a crowd. Gathers, you know, but he's already at Rennsport. What I'm saying Is. Is. I didn't call him and go, jerry, how about you come out to Rennsport? And he goes, no, no, it's too big a crowd. Out. He's standing in Ren. Sport, we just have to walk.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Now, I bought an O2, and the day I post about it, he texts me and he goes, that's a badass car. Great car. I love that car. So I can't believe he didn't want to see the Porsche.

[Sal Vulcano]

I tried to get Jerry to come over and look at some gay porn mags. He wouldn't do it.

[Mark Normand]

He's like, I'm good.

[Sal Vulcano]

I've seen it. I've seen two men.

[Mark Normand]

I got a man on the moon. I don't need to see Uranus.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I hope. I mean, I. I kind of like to think he was screwing around is probably. But. But in a weird Seinfeld kind of Larry David kind of way where that's kind of who you are. You know what I mean? Like, you're that guy who won't do that.

[Mark Normand]

He's very blunt. It's like, he'll. If you stick your hand out, he's like, we're good. I already shook it. I don't have to shake it again. Like, that's kind of his thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's kind of the shtick.

[Mike Kaplan]

But didn't you famously not want to stand with the hockey trophy once? Because you said, why would I take a picture with. With a trophy? Someone else won Stanley Cup. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're really into hockey, aren't you?

[Mike Kaplan]

No, I'm into you.

[Mark Normand]

He's into heated rivalries. What? He's into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it's out there. It's out there somewhere. Him saying, I'm not going to go. I'm not going to go. He's with Spike. He's doing their podcast. He's doing Spike's podcast. And he's basically explaining that I'm way out of line because I kept going to him. Like, I thought he was kidding. Like, yeah, I'm good. Good. And then 20 minutes would go by. We're standing around looking at his cars. I go, all right, but let's go look at the car now. Right now. I'm good. And I'm like, all right, this is just kind of a goof. Like, we're gonna.

[Mark Normand]

That's why we're gonna walk over and

[Adam Carolla]

look at the car right now.

[Mark Normand]

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Today, sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com drunk go to shopify.com drunk that's shopify.com drunk that reminds me of my peeve. My peeve is the guy who wants a reaction from you so he Keeps. I. This happened to me last night. I'm at dinner, and a guy goes, get the. Get the. The chicken marsala. And I'm like. Like, I'm good. I'm good. And he's like, get the marsala. And I'm like, all right, I'll get the marsala. And then he's staring at me while I take my first bite because he wants to. Wants me to go, like, oh, my God. And I'm like, you're rooting this meal for me because now I'm. I have to be on.

[Sal Vulcano]

You caved, right?

[Mark Normand]

I totally caved.

[Sal Vulcano]

You shouldn't have gotten the marsala.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but he. And then he stared at me, and then after eight, he's like, right, right. I'm like, it's fine. But now I'm. I feel like I'm letting you down and you're ruining my whole life.

[Sal Vulcano]

And the chef was like, you want to come back and watch me cook the marsala?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly. I said, I should have said. I'm good. Good.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like when people put the onus and pressure on you. Like, I don't like when people go, guess how much I paid for this sweater. I'm never guessing. I'm always going, what answer does this here? Like, I'm going low.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'll go high.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go high. I'll go like, $2,600. I guess $40. He feels good about himself, but I'm not thinking it costs that.

[Sal Vulcano]

Are you talking to Todd Barry in

[Adam Carolla]

the story that's going to make you feel good about.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right. Exactly. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

If I had any balls at all, I'd go $4. And he'd go, no, it was 81.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah, like, you wanted to show him the car. It's a cool car. But this guy wanted me to react to a chicken marsala like it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't. I don't like that guy. I don't like. Guess how much I paid for this sweater. And I don't like the. You don't remember me, dude?

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh,

[Adam Carolla]

I beat a lot of people. Yeah. No, but do you remember? Yeah, you don't, do you? And you go, I. I. You know, I'm feel. I. I meet a lot of people.

[Mark Normand]

And now you're on your heels.

[Mike Kaplan]

Familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're. Now you're backpedaling.

[Sal Vulcano]

You know, the plan is to make you feel bad.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Because you're forgettable.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not. It's. It's. It's feel bad, but it's also have dominion over you.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You work at a Walmart and you make $14 an hour and I'm an A list celebrity who hangs out with the likes of Jerry seinfeld in my 935 Porsche. And all of a sudden I'm the one who feels like the gooberry in this conversation because you got me on my heels.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's also like, I didn't cheat on you in a relationship. We met once 10 years ago.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, like who?

[Adam Carolla]

You. Maria Shriver.

[Mark Normand]

You don't remember me? I'm the pirate.

[Sal Vulcano]

I got a peeve. The friend that asked to tag along with you and then is a insanely slow walker.

[Adam Carolla]

That kills me.

[Mark Normand]

That's a double wing.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm a quick walker. I like to get places.

[Mark Normand]

I'm the same way. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Tag along.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, tag along is fine. But then you just got to keep up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I had this the other night because I like to do a couple sets a night and I run around and one guy goes, I want to tag along with you and follow you. And I go, you're going to slow me down. And I left.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Salicuse.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's. I think the sign of a good relationship is when you can walk at your pace and your lady can walk at her pace and it doesn't mean anything.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Like you're. You're secure enough. Enough to go, here's my pace. That's your pace. I'm sorry you were attacked and gang raped because you're so far behind me, but I'm walking at my pace.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Thanks, Salacus.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one because they will slow your ass down.

[Sal Vulcano]

I got another peeve and there's a weird one. The too big toilet paper roll.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's annoying.

[Sal Vulcano]

In theory, it's good. But then it doesn't fit in the fucking thing in the wall. So now it's like having too big a cock. It's great in theory, but if it doesn' it doesn't fit, it kind of defeats the purpose.

[Mark Normand]

Good point.

[Adam Carolla]

They're showing eyes with the big cock thing. Yeah. Say no more about the big.

[Sal Vulcano]

Adam's actually our new big correspondent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't. I don't. What my pet peeve is the toilet paper holder. Like, you know when it's at the airport.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or at this wherever. Commercial one.

[Mark Normand]

It never works.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's a bad one.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no silent way to get that paper out. Like everybody in that airport Terminal knows you're taking a dump because you get your hand out of there and it starts to make. It sounds like you're banging on a trash can lid.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wooden spoon. Like what we did for the nurses during COVID Like, all right. Carola's taking a shit because I hear him struggling with that dispenser. Like, they need a silent dispenser. And every bathroom in every hotel for sure needs a serious fart fan. Have you guys experienced this? Like you state the boutique.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, boutique exhaust thing that comes along. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I don't need the fan. I need the decibels.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Has anyone got into that thing where you're in one of these boutique hotels in Manhattan, which is like 9 square feet, it's just a bed. And, like, right next to it is the bathroom and it's got that weird sliding barn door and there's three inches of daylight under it. And your new lady friend is just lying on top of the bed and her refractory pier, period. And you got to go in and do your business, but it's all tile.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

For 22 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's just like the sound literally just banks off of everything. You need that fart. Like, I want to hear some fart fan to drown it out. Right.

[Mike Kaplan]

How about canceling fart machine? Like a place I just give her

[Sal Vulcano]

noise canceling headphones and say, I'm gonna go take a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I do. Well, I mean, but. But now you're definitely going and taking a dump. Whereas the fart fan, you have plausible deniability because you just hit the bathroom light button in the fart.

[Sal Vulcano]

She knows me.

[Adam Carolla]

You could be brushing your teeth.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. She knows. She knows. But does she need like audible evidence of what?

[Sal Vulcano]

No, It's a classier way to do it. I think you're right. I think. I think this is a nice thing to have.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So that's the big role you're talking.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The giant.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that is a huge role.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

My God. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I also hate the super thin ones because it defeats the purpose too, because now you're just stacking it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, good point, Good point. You're making it a two ply. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I. I'm with you on the. The public restroom. That thing. Cuz you're. It is so loud and you can never get it out. You're up there, there's no labyrin.

[Adam Carolla]

You're in junior high and you're trying to finger their first prom day, you know, and it's like you're. You're reaching your.

[Sal Vulcano]

Either way, it's not coming.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not happening. Like, you're trying to grab a tab

[Mark Normand]

or something's way louder than she was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And. And it is. So you feel like Andy Dufrain, you're trying to do a prison break, but it's. It's making too much noise.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And then you try to. You try to, like, kickstart it a little. Like, you try to do a role with it. And also, it's unclear. What, are we going clockwise? We're going wise. I got to get started here.

[Mark Normand]

It depends on the country.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, who. The ultimate. You know, like, in terms of pariahs in society, like, the worst people in society. Because, like. Like, you have to really. You have to really separate things. Like the guys who embezzle from their work. You know, you go, all right, not a great guy, but that's his work. And it's between him and them and whatever, get the money back. But it's not going to affect me. Right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there are guys who just randomly punch people in the subway. And you go, okay, that guy's a problem because he's randomly walking around punching anybody. That could be me or my kids or whatever. But the worst of the worst are the guys who piss on the toilet paper roll. Have you ever seen that? Like, in a subway. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

That's evil.

[Adam Carolla]

Public bathroom. I have seen dudes who soak the roll with urine. That is, like, when I'm in charge, those people are going to be put down.

[Mark Normand]

We need Singapore rules with Singapore rules.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, day off. Come to the center of the town.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Execution. And I'm just going to go. Any questions? Because we don't fucking tolerate this. And by the way, I'm not killing him because he pissed. Pissed on a dollar's worth of toilet paper. I'm killing him because who knows what this guy's capable of. Once you piss on a toilet paper roll in a public bathroom, you're now capable of anything.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

School shootings, flying planes into buildings. Like, you can do anything if you can do this.

[Sal Vulcano]

I can't fly a plane,

[Mark Normand]

dude.

[Adam Carolla]

I was using hyperbole.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

Dude.

[Adam Carolla]

We.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was in the Penn Station bathroom. The new one on 8th Avenue.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the nice one, dude.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Supposedly a puddle of piss is coming out, and there's a line, and I'm just like. It's one of things. You're like, do I. I have to step in piss to go.

[Mark Normand]

You have to.

[Sal Vulcano]

And I was like, I'm holding it.

[Adam Carolla]

What were you doing? It's that fucking bad.

[Sal Vulcano]

What were you doing there? Peeing?

[Mike Kaplan]

No, you were taking a bus.

[Sal Vulcano]

What do you think I was doing? I was taking a train to a DC Was the train station, But I didn't think. What was I doing? And lingering. Trying to meet a guy.

[Adam Carolla]

He wasn't asking what we doing in a bathroom with your dick out. He's asking what you're doing.

[Mark Normand]

The old rod rider here.

[Mike Kaplan]

Adam, I found that clip.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's audio only.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, that's. I got to hear it.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to start a comedy beef here, but he's a good friend of mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Comedians, we have to tear each other apart.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know why. Okay, joke about how you did about Adam Crolla. Oh, no, he just wanted me to look at it.

[Adam Carolla]

But Adam Carolla said, you've got to see my 935.

[Mark Normand]

And this was at the Red Sport last year.

[Mike Kaplan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said, oh, okay.

[Mark Normand]

Meantime, you know how these things are. It's hard to move physically move anywhere. Aha. There was a guy in front of

[Adam Carolla]

the hotel this morning, says, would you walk by my car? So to get rid of him. I said, sure, you know, And I just walked. Get out of here, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Just stroll.

[Mark Normand]

He said it would make his day if I walked by it. We were in the car in the Mercedes this morning. Frank Von Wallacer was there. That was that guy he was standing in front of. He concocted this 993 speedster thing.

[Mike Kaplan]

It looked kind of cool, actually.

[Mark Normand]

And so he yells at me.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in his car. We're headed here.

[Mark Normand]

He yells at me, you didn't walk by it.

[Adam Carolla]

This is different. Different than his original. Oh, this is a recap of. Of the spike pie. Doesn't sound that bad.

[Mark Normand]

No, I think that relieves you because he's just like, I'm done walking around. I'm done looking at.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, if there's still a version of this that you will find.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, we're digging. We're digging.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically telling me to F myself in my 9:35.

[Mark Normand]

I think he was just done for the day. He's. He's seen a bunch people ask him to walk around. I don't know. I'm trying to. He's a cool.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I like. Listen, first. First things first. I don't know where you guys come down on this, but, like, I like Seinfeld, but I also think you're allowed to report what happened. Accurately.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, people go, hey, why are you talking shit? It's like, is it talking shit if you're saying what happened?

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? And then if it is, then that's kind of on there.

[Sal Vulcano]

This is the problem with two comedians getting into a scuffle, though. Both are the hero in their stories.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I don't care. I like Jerry. I love the cars, other Porsches and all that. And I think he likes me, and I think he does things. Is it, like, a little bit of a provocateur? Like, it's fun.

[Sal Vulcano]

You rewatch Seinfeld, and there's Bite on It, where you're like, oh, I forgot that this was edgy. Because everyone talks about Jerry as a clean comic, but you're like NBC back in the day.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, the fucking masturbation episode.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah. He. He's. He's got some venom. He can snip.

[Sal Vulcano]

I just rewatched the one where he's. He's trying to hook up with a woman whose husband's in a coma. This is crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm a man who respects a good coma. That's a great line.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he is who he is.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's who he is. I mean, I think probably artists throughout history were that painters and sculptors and stuff. You know, probably people were like, back in the day, they were like, oh, Van Gogh, what a douche. You know?

[Sal Vulcano]

Of course, you go look at my paintings.

[Adam Carolla]

Artists. They're artists. You know what I mean?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. But, like, that's why. Because that show is so mean. They're so selfish. That's what's funny about it. I saw a clip of Louis CK and he was like, all these comics are like, hey, you shouldn't punch down. He's like, punching down is hilarious. And I completely agree. It's hilarious. Stop telling me that. That it's not funny.

[Sal Vulcano]

People making rules who don't do this. It's.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's always home monitors who have never dabbled at all, and they're like, these are the rules of comedy. I'm like, who are. You're not a comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Or even comedians doing it. I'm like, what are you talking about? Why are you making rules?

[Sal Vulcano]

Louie always stayed very open mind.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

What could be comedy? And that's what I loved about it, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like Louie. That show could be anything.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

He wouldn't look at one of my cars either. Everyone on this wall behind me wouldn't look at one of my cars.

[Mark Normand]

He can jerk off. Standing.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy.

[Mark Normand]

He does not lead lube. That guy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always weird when hear, like, it's so weird as a dude when you hear, like, if you talk to a woman and she'll go, I was in a red light the other day and I looked over and there was a guy in his car and he was masturbating. And you go, maybe it's a long commute. Like, like you're supposed to be outraged. My problem is I'm never outraged. I'm like, promise.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're. You're from California in New York. It doesn't take that long to get anywhere.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

You got to jerk off at home.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of traffic, you're in there for an hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

One time. This is something women will never understand. I was on a road trip, but it was like a seven hour drive and I was so horned up. I was. I was probably like 17, and I was jerking it in the car. I was alone on the highway, just miles and miles. This is pre cell phone, pre podcast, whatever, pre com. And I rubbed one out and I didn't ever know where to shoot it because it was my mom's car. I had to shoot it in the sleeve of my own jack jacket. Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't have to do it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I can't do the cup holder. What am I gonna shoot the tape?

[Adam Carolla]

If you didn't shoot it in the sleeve of your own jacket, there's nowhere else to go. You ruined a jacket.

[Mark Normand]

I ruined a jacket because it was in the moment. I was scared. That was a pretty, you know, nice zip up.

[Sal Vulcano]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it had the word jacket, right?

[Mark Normand]

Kind of asking for.

[Sal Vulcano]

Hold on a sec. Give it up. Quite good.

[Mark Normand]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

You think Seinfeld could jack? I don't think so.

[Mark Normand]

Put a man on the moon, you're jerking off in a jacket. Yeah, well, you know, I had my cult brown.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'm. I'm going to record this and try to show it the Seinfeld. Look at this Adam Corolla clip. He's like, I don't want to look at it.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm obsessed with that clip. It's got to be somewhere.

[Mike Kaplan]

We're going.

[Mark Normand]

We're going to find it. God damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Somewhere. It's him and Spike. It probably would have been you. Okay. If you found out this is like

[Sal Vulcano]

a Seinfeld right now.

[Adam Carolla]

When the Rent Sport reunion was last, this podcast would have been like a week after that or something. That. That would be the time stamp 2025.

[Mike Kaplan]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think, I think it could have been 2024, but yeah, I think it was 2025.

[Mark Normand]

Was he wearing that out? Do you remember the outfits at all?

[Adam Carolla]

He was.

[Mark Normand]

He was wearing a black shirt in the last one. Is it that. Is that the one that. It is.

[Adam Carolla]

You think the one we heard was another one?

[Mark Normand]

Okay. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

This is like probably three, four days after the last Ren Sport at Laguna Seca, which is, you know, it's like kind of my home track of. That's up north. It's in, you know, it's in pebble beach, but that's where the race is every year.

[Sal Vulcano]

Like, the next time he sees you, he's gonna stare at this car for a really long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, part of his argument was that he had a 935. He had like a super significant 935. There's only X amount of them on the planet. Well under 50 on the planet. And my car probably has the most race miles on it of a 935. But he just sold his, which is his excuse for not looking at mine. But this is punching up, right? We're talking about Seinfeld.

[Sal Vulcano]

Punching down is funnier.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. I like punching downs. They can take it. That's very strong people. But. Yeah, that's so cool that your son. My dad was a suit guy, briefcase, military, kind of stern.

[Sal Vulcano]

You seem like a fun dad.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's insane. If your dad's a race car driver.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Yes. Every single year, at least for the last 11 or 12 years. Like since he was like 8. He comes with me to Laguna Seca. Laguna Seca does the Rolex historics. It's a huge historic race. Like 500 cars, old cars. I drive Newman, Paul Newman race cars in it. And everyone trailers their stuff out. Everyone fans out in the infield and you stay there for like four or five days. You go to the high end auctions. Oh, we went on Rick Caruso's yacht. Yacht this year, like, so sails his yacht from LA up the bay. And then you take a boat to his yacht. You take a smaller yacht to the bigger yacht. And he was hanging with me like the whole time. And then you go to the track and you do stay at the Airbnb and you. I do the racing and you know, he hangs out. And then that night you go to the auction and you know, it's, it's, it's all good. And they have like, oh, it's the Acura party and Jewel's going to play there and all in sushi. And it's like. It's. It's awesome. I think he. He probably is into it. I will say yes. And unlike the relationship I had with my dad, which is he's going to sit on a sofa and I can watch him try to play the trumpet, was basically the highlight of our relationship.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Crazy.

[Sal Vulcano]

Is your dad passed away way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's good you went the other way. You. You saw how boring your dad was, and he flipped it. You know, it's like those guys who beat their kid and then their kid beats their kid, and you're like, well, should you have flipped it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I beat my son. Don't get it confused. Yeah, but we're at the track. When I beat him,

[Mark Normand]

we're eating sushi

[Adam Carolla]

while I'm beating him.

[Mark Normand]

I beat it on the road once, too. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got the old jacket.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, believe.

[Adam Carolla]

So.

[Mark Normand]

It's this j. I smell it. See?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right in that. People go, well, you know, his dad was this. Or his dad. And so, of course, it's like, no, he should know firsthand how bad this is. And I just basically do the opposite of what my parents would do. And it's awesome. Like, my kids benefit. I just go, what would Jim and Chris Corolla do? And then I go, all right, I'll do the opposite of that. That.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And then you'll have a great childhood.

[Mark Normand]

It's a great Seinfeld episode. Opposite George. He does all the opposites. Gets the hot lady, gets a new job. Straight up. Yeah, man. Lucky, lucky kids. That's all. Did you get it?

[Mike Kaplan]

No, I'm still looking.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I'm worried you fabricated this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I can't.

[Mike Kaplan]

The smoking tire, does that sound familiar?

[Mark Normand]

That's the podcast.

[Sal Vulcano]

That could be it.

[Adam Carolla]

That could be it. It can't be whole cloth because he brought it up. Up in the. This other point.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Good point. Okay, still looking. I'm picturing Jerry listening to this and rolling his eyes so hard. Guy, let it go.

[Adam Carolla]

You w. It is verbatim. Him going, I'm not going to do it. And then him going, I'm the bad guy for asking.

[Mark Normand]

Well, let me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the part that's insane to me.

[Sal Vulcano]

You asked for consent.

[Mark Normand]

Yes, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

So did Louie.

[Adam Carolla]

A very short skirt. He shouldn't have been jogging at night.

[Mark Normand]

Well, let me ask you, though. Even if he goes, I'm good on the car, can't you strike up a different conversation? How you been? What's shaking? How's comedy?

[Adam Carolla]

We only can talk about vintage German cars.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was looking at his car. So his cars get done at a shop in Van Nuys, California. Like, he has the Steve McQueen 917 Porsche from the movie Lama.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my Lord.

[Adam Carolla]

Car. Right.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you have to picture him buying that car when it was kind of broken down like 25 years ago.

[Mark Normand]

That car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then what do you do? You soup it up a little bit. What do you do to.

[Mark Normand]

No storage.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no souping up of anything.

[Sal Vulcano]

That was the wrong lingo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't know cars at all.

[Adam Carolla]

You put it. No, you put it, put. You put it back exactly as it was. That's. That's the thing.

[Sal Vulcano]

That is gorgeous, that car.

[Mark Normand]

Holy crazy car.

[Adam Carolla]

That's, I think a 69917 La Porsche that didn't win at Lema, but it was in the film. It was the hero car of the film Le mans was Steve McQueen. I have a 935 that Paul Newman drove at Le Mans and won its class at Le Mans. So. So Seinfeld should really.

[Mark Normand]

We're.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're in some sort of club that has like three people on the planet in it.

[Mark Normand]

Do comedy. I mean, there's so many civilizations, so

[Adam Carolla]

many, so many crazy. Yeah.

[Mike Kaplan]

Turn down 25 million dollar offer for this car.

[Sal Vulcano]

That was the worst one yet. That was. That was like a weasel fart. The. Was that like Looney Tunes? That really squeaked out.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I tried to fart on Jerry, but I didn't have anything.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I had a far chambered when he was turning me down. I wish I had something.

[Sal Vulcano]

So, I mean. Yeah, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

He turned down 25 million and then they went and made a backroom deal. So I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he did sell it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he sold it at auction a few months back. I don't know if it was. Maybe this will lead to you and

[Sal Vulcano]

him having a rekindled thing here. Who knows?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we should find some common ground.

[Mark Normand]

You know, what he loves is the rich man, poor man bit.

[Adam Carolla]

He likes that bit.

[Mark Normand]

That's big bits.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a weird thing. Here's what a horrible comedian I am. Seinfeld in a parking lot like CBS. Like, I don't know, I was doing a TV pilot or something there. It was like 15 years ago or something. And he just walked up to me and he goes, that rich man, poor man bit, that's your bit. That's your signature bit. And I was like, thanks, Jerry. Seinfeld and I never did it again. And also, Jay Leno came up to me, and he goes, that rich man, poor man bit, that's your bit. And I was like, okay, thanks, Jay. And never did it.

[Mark Normand]

It's a great bit. What are you crazy? You should be doing that. That's your Hot Pockets. That's your how to Be a Redneck or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Get her done.

[Mark Normand]

Get her done.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know.

[Mark Normand]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, I. I don't know if it's a weird Tourette's thing where I'm like, okay, if these guys like it, I'm not doing it, or I just forget to do it.

[Sal Vulcano]

Maybe it's like they compliment it and you feel like a hack breaking it back out, because now it's like a greatest hits thing for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It feels like. It feels a little like, get her done. Or here's how you know you're right.

[Mark Normand]

No, but those are catchphrases. This is a big idea with a premise and punchlines.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I don't know what it is. And I started doing it recently because once Leno said, you should do it, I was like, okay, I should listen to these two titans.

[Mark Normand]

Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

Of comedy, by the way, Leno would have looked at the 935 just as a side. Not bitter. Not bitter, but about it.

[Sal Vulcano]

But that's how he fell down the hill.

[Mark Normand]

That's.

[Sal Vulcano]

Give it a look.

[Adam Carolla]

What I said to Leno, which didn't make him laugh at all because he set himself on fire. And like, two weeks later, he, like, rolled down the hill.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I said. I said, jay's funny, because Jay's an earnest guy. Like, he's really.

[Mark Normand]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a comedian, but he's sort of. He's sort of a soft, simple, sort of earnest guy, like, in real life. And I go, jay, you know, a lot of people are thinking you're responsible for starting that Palisades fire. He goes, really? Really? I go, well, I mean, a lot of people are saying, you set yourself on fire and then rolled down the hill. And he's like, what? I'm like, jay, am I gonna fucking jump?

[Mark Normand]

That's adorable. He should be in Jackass with these fucking injuries he's getting.

[Adam Carolla]

He literally. He clotheslined, lined himself on a three wheeler. He's driving around.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Motorcycle with a side hack. And he catches somebody.

[Mark Normand]

Sorry, sorry. Side hack.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacket guy over here's got a side hack.

[Sal Vulcano]

This is a Mike Kaplan episode.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of wordplay, a lot of puns.

[Adam Carolla]

Had a Cable going across a parking lot at like 4ft, you know, like, don't pull into this parking lot. And he's riding around on his motorcycle with the side hack and he doesn't see the cable table and he clotheslines himself and gets ripped off the motorcycle. So he had the fire. He set himself up. I've been to Leno's shop when he's trying to fire up one of his steam powered cars and seen a flame.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, I thought it was free.

[Mark Normand]

Basing Richard Pryor, like, yeah, look at this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he rolled the Hemi under glass, which is the name of the. This car. Holy.

[Sal Vulcano]

As well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's crazy. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. And he's. What is he, 78 or something?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think he's that old, but he's old enough not to roll a car.

[Mark Normand]

Both of these guys look up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know the guy who drove the Hemi under glass, which is the name of that wheeling car. I know because it was parked next to my 935. And I said, seinfeld, you want to check out? Take a look at Hemi under glass. And he said, glass, badly.

[Mark Normand]

I gotta tell you that I think I know what's going on here. Fifteen years ago, he went up to you and said, hey, that's a great bit. You should be doing that bit. And you said, yeah, whatever, and stop doing the bit. And then 15 years goes by and you go, you want to see my 935? And he goes, I'm good. Yeah, he just got you back.

[Adam Carolla]

I shunned him.

[Mark Normand]

You shunned him? Did he shut you? Now you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Even if people, if your audience wants to know what rich man, poor man is, just because we. We've been talking about, I think we should bring it home a little. But I will say it is stuff rich people and poor people have in common and not the middle class. So that was sort of. The bit was I was working at Kimmel in the writers room and I thought about an outdoor shower. And I thought if you're taking an outdoor shower, you're. They're super rich. You just had your tennis lesson. You're by the cabana in the outdoor kitchen or your dirt lawn busted hose tub. You know what I mean? Poor, right? So it was like, rich man, poor man.

[Mark Normand]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'll give you guys a couple, just so you know.

[Mark Normand]

All right, this is your. Get her done.

[Sal Vulcano]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on a first name basis with the judge.

[Mike Kaplan]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's either either you belong the same country club, or you've been hauled in front of him for the sixth time in four days.

[Mark Normand]

All right, that's a great one.

[Adam Carolla]

You know the going rate for copper?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, because of the catalytic converter theme.

[Adam Carolla]

You're. They're pulling it out of a street light in LA or you're trading on the NASDAQ.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's really elevated. In the 90s, they were horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

When you leave the stadium, you get a police escort.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's a great one. All right, now do the Kardashian one.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember the Kardashian. All right, well, there is one that says it was the best one.

[Mark Normand]

It's the cler.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you tell me.

[Mark Normand]

No, I'll do it at the end. All right, the closer.

[Adam Carolla]

What of the 1:1 is you do you. The maid, which is either you're either Schwarzenegger or you're her husband waiting for Arnold to come. Yes. Right. You got to come back to the apartment. Right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Solid.

[Adam Carolla]

There was. Lives next door to a rapper. Oh, Malibu with Jay Z and Beyonce are in a shitty apartment in Van Eyes with the white kid named Mayonnaise above you, rapping.

[Sal Vulcano]

Mayonnaise is gonna pop. Give him time. It's gonna pop.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see, what else. Had lunch with Bono, huh? That. Now that's like, he does a lot

[Sal Vulcano]

of work with it.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either some indigenous tribes person or whatever. You're heavy hitter. Like, it's not a middle. Nobody in the middle class has ever had lunch with. With Bono.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

When somebody. Oh, you have your own fragrance. It could be Dior, like. Or it could be Tipperillos and Schlitz and beyond. When somebody is looking for you, somebody might say, have you checked his trailer? Which means you're on the. You're on the set. Yeah. You're on the set with Clooney. Or you just live in a trailer.

[Mark Normand]

Jerry is orgasmic right now.

[Adam Carolla]

There's another Leonardo Long is. You drive a car make that no longer exists.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either Leno in a Duanberg or you're my stepdad John in a 74AMC Matador.

[Mark Normand]

Nice.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's a good one, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what was the. I. I don't.

[Mark Normand]

Kardashian was the closer.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, this is your problem. That's why he's thinking it's rich man, poor man. If Kim Kardashian got you off. Off. Oh, so you got Kanye, who. She's blowing Or Pete Davidson or. She got you out of jail, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. She bailed you out.

[Mark Normand]

She bailed you out, cuz. Remember? She was doing that for a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to write that down.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's a. That's a great one at the end.

[Adam Carolla]

No wonder Seinfeld didn't want to come.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, that clip cannot be found. No, he said Seinfeld probably scrubbed it.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

From the.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's that good, man.

[Adam Carolla]

He's that good.

[Sal Vulcano]

He burned you and got away with it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

He's powerful.

[Adam Carolla]

Juice. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you find it, Mike? I got Andrew on it. He says got it. Stand by.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, who's Andrew?

[Adam Carolla]

He's a professional is what he is. Tell you what. Played in our shows. I think you can pull it out on our show. Oh, yeah, yeah, we played it. Right. We played it in. In my podcast. And. And it'll. It'll be utter vindication when you. When you hear. Which would be also a good name for a dairy farm arm.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, out of vindication. I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, we're getting your act, Mark. You guys, it's funny. I always think about YouTube because you look like me and you sound like me.

[Mark Normand]

You know, when I was 34 and it's all Brillo.

[Adam Carolla]

That's like, what I look like when I'm 34. Like, when I'm 34 is you.

[Sal Vulcano]

So you could be my. You look more like me than any family member I have.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's crazy. Yeah. You could be related.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't have a cold roundup, so. Well, we're not that similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone should do a DNA check on that sleeve and see,

[Mark Normand]

that jacket is long gone. I threw that thing in a dumpster in Louisiana.

[Adam Carolla]

He put the jack and jacket.

[Mike Kaplan]

We're still waiting.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

We. We're. I'm not going anywhere until we find this one, I promise you. Right? Yeah. Call Gutfeld and tell him I'm not going anywhere.

[Mark Normand]

That shoots this early. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

It shoots? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Shooting all over the place. Yeah, it shoots at two, four sundown.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you can walk there, though. It's close.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, we're. We're okay.

[Sal Vulcano]

You didn't even touch your whiskey, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

What the fuck? Well, I got two shows today.

[Sal Vulcano]

I do, too. I got shows. I'm getting fucking day drunk.

[Mark Normand]

Drive to New Jersey. I'm driving.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, well, you should still drink.

[Mark Normand]

All right. All right. Yeah, I'm putting it back.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Mike Kaplan]

So, Adam, my favorite story about you is actually about your character, who you are. It's about when you were. It must have been in the 90s sometime, and you were performing at one of those Q104 whatever events. I'll try and tee you up with the story so you can tell it. But there was a bathroom that was just for you. Do you know the story?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, okay.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'll tell Art and Elliot the same thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Rich man, poor man.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was like, oh, rich man, poor man has the keys to the executive bathroom.

[Mark Normand]

The janitor.

[Adam Carolla]

You're either the executive or the guy cleaning the toilet.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, I got an angle for rich man, poor man. If you haven't done it, doesn't wear a condom. Yeah, Elon Musk doesn't wear a condom, but neither does a poor girl. I think if you're super poor, you're like, it'll work out, right?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Both have a ton of kids.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, both have a ton of kids or something.

[Mark Normand]

Great. That's great.

[Mike Kaplan]

Well, let's do bits instead of my stupid story.

[Sal Vulcano]

My shit sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

No. So there's. What is the story? I don't know the story.

[Mike Kaplan]

So it was like a Q104 festival, and they had a bathroom that had had your name on it. And a guy called in and said, I was the guy guarding that bathroom just for you. It said, this is Adam Crolla's outhouse, whatever it is. And then there was like 40 other outhouses, everyone else on the crew and everyone else at the festival could use. And he said, I watched you come down, look at the sign, and then use the bathroom that everyone else uses. And then you said, I didn't think that was for me.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds like my no self esteem. Probably take on life. Yeah. Yeah. I feel uncomfortable when people, like, go like, out of the way, or, here he comes, or this is for him or whatever. That's weird. Yeah. Except for it doesn't happen for you, but for me, I feel uncomfortable. He's a hypothetical uncomfortable. I'm actually real uncomfortable.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. I also don't know if you teed him up for a gem there, Salacus.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, it's about.

[Sal Vulcano]

Tell the story about a bathroom you weren't used. Tell me about your Port Authority story.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. One time when I didn't take a shit.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, man. Like, it was yesterday.

[Mike Kaplan]

But I say it speaks to your character. When I try to get someone to listen to your show, I tell them that story. I'm like, this is who he is?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm. I'm a regular dude from North Hollywood with a, you know, a $10 million Porsche. You know what I mean? Keeping it real, you know?

[Mark Normand]

That's not what I heard. No one will look at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Regular schlub with a 935 Porsche that won Lamont. You know what I mean, Dude.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Did you like F1?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. It was a little bit long and a little bit. Cut that down.

[Sal Vulcano]

It could have been great, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Sal Vulcano]

And Kid is cool, though. Like, he is a. He is. He is a star for sure. Like, it's. But if you're into racing, it's ridiculous, right?

[Mark Normand]

It's well shot. The track scenes are really cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know really about it. It. It's. It's really cool. The end thing was like him getting in his custom van and driving down to Rosarita with a thing that says drivers wanted, you know, and he'd like, pull in. There's a Mexican family with a dune buggy. He's like, all right. So they don't do drivers wanted ads on telephone poles. You drove the Baja 510 times above 1000, five times the Mint 400. Like, they know who you are. They don't just advertise for dudes to come down and drive their sandrails or their trophy trucks through Baja. That's not how the driving game works.

[Mark Normand]

It had some cheese on it, but I think Rush was a better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Rush.

[Mark Normand]

Rush is good. It's a Ron House hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Rush is really good. Yeah, Rush is really good.

[Mark Normand]

And true story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. No, that. That is the Nikki Lotta.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Story. Yeah. It's a really interesting. Well done, well executed and in a true story of. Of F1 fame. Is this it? Maybe.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, this is Utah. This is no good. We're getting your side.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll play the script in my. My thing.

[Mike Kaplan]

I'm pre. From August.

[Sal Vulcano]

This is like national treasure.

[Mike Kaplan]

AI gave us this clip, said it's here, so if it's not here, it's AI fault.

[Mark Normand]

All right, so what do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going to go on?

[Sal Vulcano]

And then we need to see another Porsche.

[Adam Carolla]

Another por.

[Mark Normand]

Is that Elon gold?

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, I think it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I don't want to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

But j.

[Mark Normand]

Well, they're. They are on the.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Tom opens for him, so

[Sal Vulcano]

they pick up the cadences. But.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Tom by. I can't believe he makes you the

[Mark Normand]

bad guy in the story.

[Sal Vulcano]

They must have played it already if they got to play.

[Adam Carolla]

I said play it again. So it. We'll. We'll. We'll play it.

[Mark Normand]

Play it against Sam.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, God. We're just like in. What's that movie? Inception. Loop of the story. We're going all over.

[Mike Kaplan]

Yeah, tell the toy story again.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we'll except this.

[Sal Vulcano]

Our audience is going to sleep here

[Adam Carolla]

one time when I chose not to in a designated toilet. My name. Don't throw around the word hero that often, but how big was the toilet paper roll?

[Mark Normand]

Back and back.

[Adam Carolla]

So what I did is I compromised. I just pissed on the roll.

[Mark Normand]

There you go. You should be beating.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the episode. You just have to go back a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Charlotte McKinney, my word.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they plumped up her boobs

[Sal Vulcano]

for whatever they're doing. It's working.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I love Photoshop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, I got. I got a wreck for you guys.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, hit me, fam.

[Sal Vulcano]

I was just. I took a night off last week. Just threw on an old movie and. You ever just feel like old movie. Haven't seen it. Should have seen it. Last Picture Show. Fucking unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's a classic.

[Sal Vulcano]

Unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

Classic movie.

[Sal Vulcano]

Young Jeff Bridges, young Sybil Shepherd. Beautiful man. Small town, Texas. Fucking loved it. Peter Bogdanovich, Incredible movie.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, great movie.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Bogdanovich is crazy because he dumped his whoever and hooked up with Dorothy Stratton. Star 80 model of the year. Playmate Model of the year. And then she was executed by her boyfriend.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, star 80. And then he, once she got executed, he just started dating her younger sister. That's a power move.

[Sal Vulcano]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That's worse than Arnold.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Wow. Younger sis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Start dating a younger sister.

[Mark Normand]

It's kind of like Amazon. If you like this, I recommend this, right?

[Sal Vulcano]

It'll be here in two days.

[Adam Carolla]

Here it is.

[Mike Kaplan]

33, 40. Here it comes.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys, this is. Yeah. All right.

[Mike Kaplan]

It's coming up in 10 seconds, but

[Sal Vulcano]

we have to watch along. Gold do Seinfeld. Oh, no, that's it.

[Mark Normand]

The Jewish loop.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, listen to it. It's funny. You can start it, but you don't

[Sal Vulcano]

want to prod the king.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the problem. I would prod the king, right? If I was friends. Spike should have.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked with Adam Corolla.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who wanted me to see his.

[Mark Normand]

Here we go. 935. Here we go. People around.

[Adam Carolla]

And there was so much, you know, interaction going on. It was terrible for me to maneuver and he kept pushing me. Well, hold on, hold on. There's always people around.

[Mark Normand]

Elon, shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

His trailer. His air conditioned trailer.

[Sal Vulcano]

Watch this be 40 minute breakdown.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the pruder

[Adam Carolla]

back into the left back and to the Left. You start moving and people start grabbing. All right, jump ahead. We'll see. We'll get back there. The winter vood of reality, you'll say.

[Mark Normand]

I'll say it now. Yeah. Nice car. It's a nice car.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Great.

[Mark Normand]

You're great. But it is weird, isn't it kind of cool to meet another guy with a 935? Look, right over there. There's a 935. Spike voice around reason on that car anymore?

[Mike Kaplan]

You don't.

[Mark Normand]

No, that car has been sold. Sold. That was the one out at Goody, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Mark Normand]

I won't even look at you.

[Sal Vulcano]

In two minutes, he's gonna be doing walking 35 for.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you get. That's him saying, I'm not going over to see.

[Mark Normand]

That bad. I've stayed by my point. I think he was just done seeing. It's like my peeve today. He's like, I don't want to react to something.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, Jack sleeve.

[Sal Vulcano]

By the way, it was originally the name of Ask Jeeves.

[Adam Carolla]

He's standing in a sea of vintage Porsche race cars, and mine is 100ft that way.

[Sal Vulcano]

I like your jacket, which was a sea of Mark Norman's over there.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Mike Kaplan]

Anyway, Pogdanovich. What a generational run he was on. He did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Kaplan]

Civil shepherd, too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Last Dance level. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

That's MJ in Utah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And he's no prize either. He is not a handsome man.

[Sal Vulcano]

But he. But he made some great movies. Paper Moon also. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Is that right?

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, no, he was a. He was a talent. Yeah, he was great on the Sopranos. As a therapist.

[Mark Normand]

That's right. By the way, also, Mel Brooks doc is unreal.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta watch it.

[Mark Normand]

It's unreal.

[Sal Vulcano]

I watch it. Judd sent me, like, two clips. I gotta watch it.

[Mark Normand]

I didn't realize how tough the guy was. Tough? He beat people up. He saw action in World War II. I mean, he's a real man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You saw Jackson on the way.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not going to do any better than that, fellas.

[Mike Kaplan]

All right, These are.

[Mark Normand]

Where you at, Adam.

[Mike Kaplan]

Adam Crolla's dates.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Kaplan]

Dallas, Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

Texas. What?

[Mike Kaplan]

So it says February 27th.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is there something before that?

[Mike Kaplan]

There is, but this show comes out, like, on the 15th, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, we'll do the math. Sorry. Yeah. Shows. Just go to adamcroll. Com.

[Mike Kaplan]

There's a bunch of Dallas, Texas, doing

[Adam Carolla]

Rich Man, Poor man, so Fuck all.

[Mike Kaplan]

Oh, are you getting a Hollywood Walk of Fame?

[Adam Carolla]

Star I am.

[Mark Normand]

I can't wait to piss all over there.

[Adam Carolla]

I never talk about it. I instead complain about Seinfeld boxing.

[Mark Normand]

That's low.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I With the Common Man.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you got to get him to introduce it.

[Adam Carolla]

Seinfeld.

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Have him drive the 930 car. Park right next to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You want to know he's got to

[Sal Vulcano]

get out of here. We'll do it. He's got to get out.

[Mike Kaplan]

All right.

[Sal Vulcano]

Thanks, you guys.

[Mike Kaplan]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you, Carolla. What a. What a perfect pro. A lot of pros.

[Sal Vulcano]

So many laughs.

[Adam Carolla]

It was fun, right?

[Sal Vulcano]

That was a really good app. All right. Fun app with Adam. You're trying to hand me something. Salakis.

[Adam Carolla]

What is this?

[Mike Kaplan]

You have me coming to your show on the 27th.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, you're photographing my special in Tampa. February 26th and 27th. I'm taping there.

[Mike Kaplan]

I want to say thank you.

[Sal Vulcano]

What do we got here?

[Mike Kaplan]

For your house.

[Sal Vulcano]

What is this?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, mama.

[Sal Vulcano]

Is this Tom Waits?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yes, It's Tom Waits.

[Mike Kaplan]

1977.

[Mark Normand]

What a badass in Los Angeles. Who's the girl? Like a.

[Mike Kaplan]

It's a burlesque dancer.

[Sal Vulcano]

Whoa, That's a cool picture, dude. Thank you.

[Mike Kaplan]

That's a negative I found at a flea market, and I had printed.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa, he looks so cool. Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I love Tom Waits.

[Mike Kaplan]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah, man.

[Mark Normand]

You found that negative?

[Mike Kaplan]

I found the negative, and I make prints of him.

[Sal Vulcano]

I found this negative.

[Mike Kaplan]

I have a website called Negative Collection where I make negative, and that's one of them.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, very cool.

[Mark Normand]

Thank you.

[Sal Vulcano]

Got to get a frame. Beautiful.

[Mark Normand]

Awesome.

[Mike Kaplan]

I got some dates here. I think these are might be marks.

[Sal Vulcano]

When is this coming out?

[Mike Kaplan]

Midfeb is what I was told.

[Mark Normand]

Midfeb, baby. Well, you know what? It. I'm putting it out there. I don't know if I'm allowed to, but. Netflix special, March 17th.

[Mike Kaplan]

Hey, mom,

[Mark Normand]

tell a friend. Spread the love. Spread your cheeks.

[Sal Vulcano]

March 17. You should be able to put it out there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they got all these weird, dumb rules, like, don't promote them. Like, why not promote. Promote more. You know, we're trying to get people to see it, so. Aren't we? But, yeah. Netflix, March 17th.

[Adam Carolla]

Beautiful.

[Mike Kaplan]

And Sammy's taping his In Tampa special for.

[Mark Normand]

For.

[Sal Vulcano]

I don't know if I can say. Yeah, for Wink, wink.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll see.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. Tampa, February 26th and 27th. 27th. Sold out. I think there's only a few tickets left for the 26. Tampa theater. Gonna be very cool. Got a cool looking Set gonna have this man photographing there. Gonna be awesome. Best photographer in the game.

[Mike Kaplan]

Oh, you're nice.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then we have. Yeah, and then I beat up on him enough. I got to give him props, too. But then we have best photos, man. But. So then we have Providence the week before. I think we just added a late show Thursday just. Just to get a few reps in, but I think those will all go Stanford. Late show Thursday, too. I think that's the only one not sold out, so.

[Mark Normand]

Hell, yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

I hope I. I hope I see you guys last times. I'm running there. Stanford and Providence and Tampa, then back to work. Kill me now.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I know.

[Sal Vulcano]

A triple for a year and a half.

[Mark Normand]

I'm at stress factor all weekend, eating for 20 minutes where you're trying the new, you know, and then you people, you're.

[Sal Vulcano]

You're a machine, man. You'll figure it out.

[Mark Normand]

You got to do it. It's the only way, and I think people get it. We're lucky enough to be able to try new around and doing great rooms. Look at the rooms you're doing or the funnest clubs. Same. Same here.

[Sal Vulcano]

No, it's great.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Mean, that's.

[Sal Vulcano]

Life is good, man. Yeah, I got no complaints. It's just like, man, it's just, you know, we've done it enough times turning over the material, you just know when you're in for it just like, it just feels bad. It's also. I can't. Doing new at the Cellar is so hard.

[Mark Normand]

It's so hard.

[Sal Vulcano]

People are just bringing the hits before you, and then you go up and you. You flub a few, and you're just like, all right, I'm. I'm the dead weight on the show.

[Mark Normand]

Exactly. And you only have fif. 12, 15 minutes, so it's not like you can pull it all.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Mark Normand]

The nose dive up sometimes.

[Sal Vulcano]

Well, it's.

[Mike Kaplan]

It.

[Sal Vulcano]

Wait, you're tweaking that 15. It's gold. You're just like, I'm molding this. This is killer. I get four in a night to figure this out. When you're building, you're like. When you're building, I don't have enough time to prove I'm good.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

And be likable.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Sal Vulcano]

And do new.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And win you over. Who? You don't know me. So I got to win you over. Then try new. Lose you. Get you back. Yeah. It's. It's a tap dance.

[Sal Vulcano]

It's a tough one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And the seller's tough. I got to. I'M going to have to really start doing different rooms. If you got indie shows, hit me up.

[Mark Normand]

I gotta actually do it.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah. I'll be doing your shows.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. All right. We'd love to have you.

[Sal Vulcano]

I'd love to do it.

[Mark Normand]

All right. And I'm in Tulsa. Flagstaff, Arizona. Suaharita at the Desert Diamond Casino, Indianapolis, Buffalo and Portland, Maine is already sold out. Providence, Road island, the Vets, one of the great theaters. Lexington, Kentucky, Dania beach, which is Fort Lauderdale, Raleigh and LA for the Netflix.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh, yeah, I'm doing LA too. I don't know. I didn't plug that. Also Portugal just went. I'm doing la.

[Mark Normand]

Portugal.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. I'm doing Lisbon. August, end of August, Lisbon, Portugal. So I'm gonna add a whole bunch more of European dates again, places I didn't hit. That's why I was asking you about Finland the other day.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

And then I also added. Yeah, LM in LA in May as well. I believe it's the seventh with Jordan Jensen, Joe List and Rachel Feinstein.

[Mark Normand]

What a lineup.

[Sal Vulcano]

Doing a fun little, you know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Sal Vulcano]

Show with some friends. And I heard here United Theater.

[Mike Kaplan]

Yeah. This yours is?

[Sal Vulcano]

I think so. I don't know what the.

[Mike Kaplan]

I don't think it's listed yet. It should be May 7th. Oh, there it is.

[Mark Normand]

There it is.

[Mike Kaplan]

United Theater.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's a fun.

[Sal Vulcano]

I've never done that one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Equal opportunity show too. Yeah. That's nice. Hey, yeah. All right, well check out our punch ups, our websites. Get some bodega.

[Sal Vulcano]

Bodega cats popping up everywhere. I think we're in an analog in the Village now, which is. Is a cool little spot. Really sweet, cool bar with cool cocktails. We. That PB&J drink there the other night. Tastes like a fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Mark Normand]

Scrumptious.

[Sal Vulcano]

Unreal.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's. It's going to get the kids drunk. It's a bad idea. But it tastes like heaven. And we're all with Lunchables now.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. We're also in a tip of Tina's in New Orleans, which is. That's iconic. It's like our cbgb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then that's an honor.

[Sal Vulcano]

Yeah. We're tuzzy in the. In the West Village. One of the best restaurants in. In the country. Unbelievable restaurant.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we've eaten there twice.

[Sal Vulcano]

Oh my God, the best.

[Mark Normand]

Blitzed.

[Sal Vulcano]

Get blitzed there every time. Excellent. And then we got your strip house comedy sellers cruising through cases and they're opening another room.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, Comedy Store on the menu.

[Sal Vulcano]

Thank you, Comedy Store for that one. Our brews got passed there before us. I love it, but we're grateful and we got to pop in when we're there. And all these other clubs are serving it. I mean, this is stress factory serving it.

[Mark Normand]

That's right. Yeah, I drank it last night.

[Sal Vulcano]

Message Bodega cat whiskey on Instagram. Our boy Matt will. Will tee it up for us. But yeah, please, we want to be at your bar. We're, we're, we're. It's like what, 20something states we're legal in? Booze is tricky, but we're getting there.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah, we're doing it, folks. So, yeah, get a bottle and get a bottle at the club or a cocktail. Good Lord.

[Sal Vulcano]

I mean, these are like. They're really off putting today.

[Mark Normand]

I have like eight different instruments in my ass. I'm like Prince, all right, next to

[Sal Vulcano]

fucking Louis Armstrong here. Armstrong, we love you guys. Take it easy.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, God, buddy,

[Adam Carolla]

Much burping and Norman's talking shit about the fucking post. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like a cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like

[Mark Normand]

I remember her and I get down

[Adam Carolla]

in the same way we might be true.