Ep 275: Simon Rex - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Summary

We Might Be Drunk – Ep. 275: Simon Rex - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Date: March 16, 2026
Guests: Simon Rex (actor, comedian, “Scary Movie,” “Red Rocket”)
Hosts: Mark Normand, Sam Morril

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Episode Overview

This episode is a fast-paced, rollicking conversation with Simon Rex, touching on war stories from the road, comedy club culture, the grind of standup, new projects, pet peeves, changes in the entertainment industry, and a healthy dose of raunch and real talk. Simon’s unique comedic rhythm blends with the hosts’ own quick wit, and the show keeps a loose, joyous, and at times nostalgic tone. There’s plenty of hearty laughter, insightful reflections on standup and creativity, and a cascade of industry anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Comedy Tour Stories & Performance Dynamics

[00:06 – 01:39]

• Sam and Simon swap stories about performing multiple shows in a night — the unpredictability of crowds, how energy can make or break a set, and drinking’s role between gigs.
• Chris shares how relentless touring improves a special: “You keep believing in that one or two lines that, that aren't hitting. Like, I like that line. But then you’re like, let me just try a different line once. And you replace it and it’s better. And you’re like, fuck, I should have done that a month ago.” [01:43]
• The group reflects on letting go of personal favorite bits that don’t quite hit—which can be tough when online fans quote the obscure stuff.

Cruise Ships, Comedy “Hangs,” & The Green Room

[03:06 – 04:10]

• Discussing the allure (and hell) of comedy cruises, with reference to Bert Kreischer’s cruise (“I just drank the whole time. That’s how I got through it.”) [03:27]
• The importance of pre-show hangs and marathon green room sessions as essential to the comic’s lifestyle.

Comedy Bits, Anne Frank Jokes & Tuning The Room

[06:13 – 07:17]

• Both Mark and Simon ironically realize they have Anne Frank bits—highlighting her odd popularity in standup.
• Simon: “She paid her due so that we could all talk about it. Yeah. Good writer. Game recognizes game.” [06:26]
• Long refinement timelines for sensitive jokes: “My Anne Frank bit took like eight months to perfect. It was such a weird one.” [06:43]
• The heartbreak when beloved lines don't hit live: “I have little lines that if they don't get a line, I kind of write off the crowd.” [07:13]

Vegas, Club Appearances, & Performing While Hungover

[07:31 – 12:09]

• Simon’s stories from Club Shay Shay in Vegas: late flights, performing hungover, and landing with little time to spare. “So I was the white guy late to the black pod. Tables have turned.” [08:17]
• Opener up $4k at the casino, the joys (and dangers) of all-nighters, and the camaraderie of “swingers breakfasts” as the sun rises.
• Sam admits: “I'm so bad at gambling. Once I get to a point, I'm just like it all on one hand.” [12:19]
• Reflections on small, underplayed towns and how “Flagstaff—underrated town. Crunchy little mountain town in the middle of Arizona. Really cool.” [12:52]

Teenage Drinking, Socializing, & Risk-Taking

[13:13 – 14:53]

• A humorous but poignant look at generational shifts: “My nephew is 16, never had a sip of alcohol. And I'm like, you're crazy. My whole teens I was drunk. I don't remember any of it.” [13:24]
• Teasing the difference between digital-social teen life today and the chaos/bonding of drinking and socializing in previous generations.
• Mark: “Socializing is good for you. So, like, I know drinking is unhealthy. But so is staring at a screen for 10 years.” [14:31]

Comedy Parenting & Sex Ed (the Uncensored Version)

[14:53 – 16:38]

• Hilarious parenting philosophies: “If you catch a kid jerking off, you don't go, what the are you doing? You join in and you...show them how to do...You cup the balls. Huge balls of my son.” [15:28]
• They riff on the complexities of “the talk” versus the laissez-faire advice about drinking and adolescence.

The Anatomy of Jokes, Comedy Facts, and “The Clit Bit”

[17:08 – 18:31]

• Mark Normand drops actual biology trivia: “That seam on your balls...is the labia. It just gets sealed up on a guy.” [17:21]
• The guys dive into an inevitably absurd “big clit” riff, compare it to small dick insecurity, and imagine “Sick Clit” as a punk band.
• Simon: “Right when you find the clit, it’s like, go slower, softer. And then after a minute, she’s like, go faster, harder. And I’m like, damn, this clit’s crazy.” [17:58]

Comedy PR, Industry Peeves, Cancel Culture

[19:45 – 21:33]

• They discuss an unnamed comic guest who had an episode scrapped “at the behest of his PR team.”
• Sam: “Anytime someone opens a message with my PR team, you’re not a comedian. You’ve lost the comedian card.” [20:16]
• The group vents about the tension between “edgy” comedy, PR-friendly content, and what it means to be a comic in the current climate.

Comedy Recommendations, Hollywood, and Film Talk

[24:19 – 30:55]

• Simon plugs his new stoner-comedy “Operation Taco Gary’s,” with Jason Biggs playing himself. “It’s like a throwback to early 2000s. Like, Dude, Where’s My Car?” [24:36]
• Riffing on streaming culture (“No one watches movies anymore...Like, sending a link to a movie and asking somebody to watch it is just...”). [24:23]
• Hollywood gossip: why Gary Vee isn’t Jewish [19:32] and how big-name comics handle fame and PR.

Oscar Talk, Movie Recommendations, & Pet Peeves

[39:24 – 84:03]

• Deep dive on Oscar-nominated movies, best performances, and how Academy politics really work (“It’s all about whose time it is.” [100:15])
• Lots of film recs: “Dunkirk,” “All Quiet on the Western Front,” “Red Rocket,” “Ray,” and “Sentimental Value.”
• War film nostalgia and why “kids these days” (and the comics) love a well-made war flick.

Recurring Segment: Pet Peeves

[55:07 – 67:12]

• Dress shoes, shrimp tails, skewers (“You're already doing everything else, just knock that off.”)
• Dog breeds that look too human (“Afghan hounds. Look up these ghouls.” [65:35])
• Friends who point out your typo corrections in texts (“Alright, so I hate the guy to let you know he caught the edit. Oh, what a detective here.” [62:48])
• Overreacting to farts: “The fart dissipates in a minute and a half. Get out of here.” [58:19]
• Happy Birthday song etiquette (“and many more”—why are we wishing a three-year-old more birthdays?)
• Influencers doing “exposés” on fast food ingredients: “You’re not breaking news.” [67:06]
• People looking at their phone mid-conversation.

High-Energy Industry Anecdotes: Celebs, MTV, and the Comedy Scene

[74:15 – 77:34]

• Simon’s stories about interviewing Tupac on MTV while high (“Red light on. And I interview him, and I’m so uncomfortable. I’m looking at the floor the whole time, and he carries the interview.”) [76:27]
• Fan DMs, social media etiquette, and the psychology of digital rejection.

On the Nature of Choice, Modern Dating, and Comedy Culture

[72:13 – 73:26]

• Discussion on dating apps vs. old-fashioned “meeting neighbors,” and how too much choice (dating, porn, or even Cheesecake Factory menus) can be paralyzing.

Standup, Special Releases, and Promos

[104:02 – End]

• Mark plugging his new special and tour dates.
• Sam recounts a rough night at Fat Black Pussycat, NYC: “You saw one of my worst performances of all time.” [104:18]
• Simon and Sam reflect on the relentless churn of standup, how even established comics bomb, and why that keeps you sharp.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Crowd Energy:
  “If you're fucking a girl, she's just laying there, it ain't great.” – Chris D'Elia [01:07]
• On Getting Married to Bad Bits:
  “You're like, that’s a good line. And it’s not.” – Chris D'Elia [02:20]
• On Being Forced to Do a Cruise While Hungover:
  “I'm not gonna agree to a Bert cruise while I'm puking. It's not happening.” – Chris D'Elia [04:10]
• On Socializing by Drinking:
  “I’m not a very social guy. And I'm like, I'm not either. That's why I drank.” – Simon Rex [14:07]
• On Male Anatomy:
  “I think the ball bag just comes out full size out of the gate. The dick grows.” – Simon Rex [15:37]
• On Cancel Culture and Comedy:
  “You asked to come on. Your people should do their homework.” – Chris D'Elia [21:24]
• On Modern Dating/Having Too Many Options:
  “Now it's like going to the grocery store and having 4,000 tuna options. Even if you have a great tuna, you're like, there's got to be a better tuna.” – Chris D'Elia [72:44]
• On Old vs. New Porn/Imagination:
  “Rub one out to your imagination.” – Simon Rex [73:23]
• On Pet Peeve of Typo Police:
  “I hate the guy to let you know he caught the edit. Oh, what a detective here.” – Simon Rex [62:48]

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Recommendations (Wrecks)

• Movies:
  • Dunkirk [81:02]
  • All Quiet on the Western Front [82:23]
  • Red Rocket (shameless and hilarious Simon Rex performance)
  • Operation Taco Gary’s (Simon’s new film – “get stoned and watch this movie”) [25:00]
  • Scary Movie 3 (David Zucker’s “15 rules of comedy” and Craig Maizin’s script) [95:09]
  • Lefty Frizzell’s “Saginaw, Michigan” (song recommendation) [80:06]
• Well-being:
  • Avoid Googling instantly—try to recall from memory for brain exercise [50:48]
  • Use a digital alarm clock to avoid phone in the morning [51:57]
  • No coffee for at least an hour after waking (Huberman-inspired) [52:10]
  • Try a “napuccino” (espresso shot before a nap, for Spain-style energy) [53:46]
• Stand Up Specials:
  • Mark Normand’s new special
  • Jordan Jensen’s special [105:52]

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Hilarious and Memorable Bits

• The “clit code” and “big clit” riff [17:52 – 18:28], evolving into potential punk band names.
• Peeving about shrimp tails, text auto-correct, and white dogs with crusty eyes [55:07 – 65:07].
• Simon’s MTV days, accidental high interviews with Tupac, and spraying Michael Jordan’s cologne in a dressing room [74:15 – 75:40].
• Mark: “Pretty ugly”-like English and logic quirks [56:35].
• The “and many more” funeral dirge at children’s birthdays [58:50 – 59:16].

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:06 – 03:02: Post-show hangs, crowd dynamics, taping specials
• 03:06 – 06:05: Cruises, comedy hospitality, festival memories
• 07:35 – 12:33: Vegas stories, gambling, drives, small-town gigs
• 13:13 – 16:38: Parenting, teen drinking, sex ed, and anatomy jokes
• 17:08 – 18:31: The infamous male/female anatomy crossovers and riffing
• 19:45 – 21:33: Comedy PR and the perils of cleaning up content
• 24:19 – 30:55: Upcoming films, “Operation Taco Gary’s,” and throwback comedies
• 39:24 – 84:03: Oscars, movie recs, pet peeves galore
• 104:15 – 106:06: Promos, special releases, stand-up tour dates

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Tone, Energy, & Structure

The episode is a full-on comedic jam session—irreverent, quick-cutting, and peppered with both crafted bits and natural, playful interruptions. References spiral in all directions—movies, comedy history, biology, social media, parenting—and there’s a sense throughout of people who deeply love both their craft and their camaraderie.

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For the Listeners

This episode is ideal for fans of comedy culture and industry “inside baseball.” It’s as much about the actual mechanics of laughter, crowd work, joke crafting, and comic frustration as it is about the wild adventures of life on the road. Simon Rex brings wild energy but also solid insights into why comics do what they do and the ever-evolving relationship between standup, the audience, and a world that's increasingly sanitized. If you want a great laugh and a behind-the-curtain snapshot of modern comedy life, this is the episode.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Norman Reedus]

Foreign.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, man.

[Simon Rex]

Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, folks.

[Chris D'Elia]

I might be hungover.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, good. Well, let's see. You're in the right place.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm. I'm feeling it, dude.

[Simon Rex]

We could have a cocktail. Wow, look at that Noir Florida. You're a good.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're a good photographer.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, thanks.

[Simon Rex]

Love the lights. Love the sold out. Great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Three shows in the Tampa theater.

[Simon Rex]

Wow, look at that suit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, we had a good time, man.

[Simon Rex]

Wow, that's a great shot.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he got some great shots. I was. I would say, I feel like I got it Thursday. So first show, we had three shows. Two Friday, one Thursday. I was like, I got it Thursday. And then the early show Friday was even better. And I was like, oh, that's. I'm not going to top that show. And I was right. The late show Friday was a little stiff. Not bad, but not like at the level. Yeah. Early show. I was like, oh, this is what I want on every joke.

[Simon Rex]

That's nice. Nice to get it early too. Yes. Because I've had the one where you get it on the last show and you're like, thank God we got that one.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I was.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was. I started definitely pounding a little more bodega cat in between those shows because I'm good.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Does that affect your performance if the crowd isn't giving you.

[Simon Rex]

Of course. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, if you're fucking a girl, she's just laying there, it ain't great.

[Simon Rex]

That's perfect. You'd almost rather the faking because at least then it gets your ego up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Although Cosby is probably the same either way because he's kind of a slow sit on the stool type of guy, so. Oh, yeah. Either way, it's like, I don't need any energy. I can handle this.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

But, yeah, man, I think, yeah, I need energy. I need. I mean, it's so. And. And yeah, I slow down when they're slow, and then you just kind of get worse. Laughs I think you can't really build momentum.

[Simon Rex]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Make the mistake of then going too fast. Either way, it adapts. It's not good.

[Simon Rex]

Now, what is this, like your sixth hour?

[Chris D'Elia]

Something like that. I don't know.

[Simon Rex]

Do you feel. Do you have any taping nerves still, dude. That's nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

I do feel like with this one, I. I ran it so much leading into it that it got like. So I did Carnegie hall in December, and I feel like it's. My friend saw it in Stanford, like, two weeks ago, and he was like, oh, it's like a different hour. It's so. He's like, you cut so much fat. So you know, you do like eight hours, nine hours a week on the road and you keep running it and you're like, oh, I. I'm. You keep believing in that one or two lines that, that aren't hitting. Like, I like that line. But then you're like, let me just try a different line once. And you replace it and it's better. And you're like, fuck, I should have done that a month ago.

[Simon Rex]

Totally.

[Chris D'Elia]

You get married to dumb lines.

[Simon Rex]

I know that.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're like, that's a good line. And it's not.

[Simon Rex]

But you ever have that thing on Reddit where someone's like, they quote one of the lines and you're like, that's the one I like. That no one else liked. And you're like, that was for that one guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'll keep a couple.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

You can only have a couple once.

[Simon Rex]

You.

[Chris D'Elia]

Once you do too many of those, you become a shitty comment.

[Simon Rex]

That's a good point because you're just

[Chris D'Elia]

like, yeah, this special's for me. Yeah, it's a fun. We did a little more vibe.

[Simon Rex]

Look at that. You look 10ft tall there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I should have gotten those pants taken in one more time. They didn't really.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's a look. I like it.

[Simon Rex]

It's a look a little baggy. Little like, what do you call it? Like old Hollywood suits. Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

And look at this.

[Simon Rex]

Hey.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. Swartzen and Veter. We end up having like a three hour breakfast the morning of.

[Simon Rex]

I love a three hour breakfast.

[Chris D'Elia]

Love it, man. Just. Yeah, Like, I love when the vibes are so good. No one wants to leave.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, yes. That's a real comedy thing. Like, I'll get in a green room. I never want to leave it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know. He wants us to do a comedy cruise. He was like, let's do a comedy. It's the only sober guy I know that wants to go on a fucking boat, right? And he was like, would you do it? And I'm like, honestly, no. And then he told me he asked Jesel Neck and he said, I'd need Saudi money.

[Simon Rex]

That's a great line. Saudi on the seas.

[Chris D'Elia]

But I was like, dude, I hate. I'm not a boat. You hate boats, right?

[Simon Rex]

I've done two of them and I get stir crazy just staring at that little porthole, looking at just vast ocean. Who the hell's this? The other cruise, therefore I did the Burt one and I just drank the whole time. That's how I got through it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, God, it's. It's brutal.

[Simon Rex]

And the hang helps.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, they asked me to do Burt's. His manager was a lot, and she was, like, demanding I give an answer a year out, whether or not I do it. And I was puking. It was. I had gone out with Julian Edelman the night before. We were getting. It was like the last night of our podcast together. We got fucking blitzed.

[Mark Normand]

I remember this night.

[Chris D'Elia]

I was puking all day, and she goes, I need an answer today. And I was like, well, if it's today, it's. No, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna agree to a Burt cruise while I'm puking. It's not happening.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, exactly. That's like going Epstein's island while I'm at the playground. Okay. But, yeah, that's a. Bert's doing another thing in the Ozarks.

[Norman Reedus]

What?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, it's called Comedy on the Lake. And they needed an answer, and I was like. I was hung.

[Chris D'Elia]

To realize the future America needs. We understand what's needed from us to

[Norman Reedus]

face each threat head on.

[Chris D'Elia]

We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future. We are Marines. We were made for this.

[Simon Rex]

This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge. Nice choice, hitting up this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving into tastes everyone

[Norman Reedus]

in the room can enjoy.

[Simon Rex]

Just like White Claw Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections

[Norman Reedus]

have been made and the night's just begun.

[Simon Rex]

With bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume.

[Norman Reedus]

Unleash the night.

[Simon Rex]

Unleash White Claw Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors, 8% alcohol by volume. White cloth seltzer works, Chicago, Illinois. Over. And I was like, I don't know if I could do it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Comedy on the lakes. It's one meth in those parts.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah. But it's one show. And just party on a lake, on a boat, you know, water world, whatever the hell. And I just was like, I got a kid, now I don't. I can't be drowning in an ocean or a lake while hungover.

[Chris D'Elia]

I never thought I'd see the day.

[Simon Rex]

I know.

[Chris D'Elia]

And Mark turned down a gig that we need confetti to fall down.

[Simon Rex]

Yes. Well, I had a ton of other gigs around. It was too much. There you go, Peters. Timing. Comedy's all about timing. Yeah, turn it down. But remember in Dublin, for that festival, we'd. Me, you, Colin, Quinn, Nate. Nate. We'd all meet Chris. Chrissy, D. Rachel. We'd spend five hours at this diner.

[Chris D'Elia]

We ended up in this really nice museum. We were like the trashy Americans. There were Christians. Stefano just lets out the loudest fart and everyone just stares at us. And we all started laughing.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And we're like, wow, we do not belong.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

In any sophisticated places.

[Simon Rex]

It stunk too. I remember that fart. Too bad fart. That was a crazy American turd.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, I just realized something. I just heard your whole act for the first time in a long time. This weekend you have an Anne Frank bit. And you have an Anne Frank bit.

[Simon Rex]

Well, she's a very popular comedy person. She. She's mentioned a lot.

[Chris D'Elia]

She paid her due so that we could all talk about it. Yeah. Good writer. Good writer. Game. Recognized game.

[Norman Reedus]

Hell yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Love the diary. Big fan. And we all lived in small apartments.

[Chris D'Elia]

We were like, keep it down up there.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. My Anne Frank bit took like eight months to perfect. It was such a weird one.

[Chris D'Elia]

It took a while for me, too. It was a blessing that I didn't get let into the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam because being annoyed I couldn't get in, I was like, oh, this is clearly a bit.

[Simon Rex]

Right. Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

But yeah. How long's your bit?

[Simon Rex]

30 seconds. It's just a quick, like two liner.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I mean, you gotta have. Gotta have everything, man. There's every. You go over the whole hour, you're like, it's. That's the crazy thing about taping is you're like, ah, this. I want this part to pop. I want this part to pop. I have little lines that if they don't get a line, I kind of write off the crowd.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

They don't get like a pop from just even a setup that I was like, that should hit. And if it doesn't hit, I'm like, fuck. They're gonna. They're gonna be dumb.

[Simon Rex]

I know. I have a lot of those too. You want every line to hit and they've hit before. So you're like, come on. The hit last time. You gotta hit this time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, dude. Yeah. But where were you? Were you here this weekend?

[Simon Rex]

No, I had a wacky one. I went to. I did Club Shay Shay. Oh, in Vegas. I can tell you, it's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's in Vegas.

[Simon Rex]

Well, he used to be in LA and it got too expensive, so he moved to Vegas. Damn.

[Chris D'Elia]

California's losing everybody.

[Simon Rex]

Dude. They really. Spielberg left Zuckerberg.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I heard a baseball player was supposed to sign for San Diego Padres and he was like, taxes are too high. I'm signing back in Arizona.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Like, he turned down a whole.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'd rather lose.

[Norman Reedus]

Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'd rather never win a World Series.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

These Dodger guys don't give a cuz they're overpaying anyway.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. But San Diego is a great city. I'd love to live in San Diego, but the taxes, they take half of it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

We live in New York.

[Simon Rex]

I know. It's a nightmare. Crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

So how is Shay?

[Simon Rex]

Shay? Oh, man. Well, first off, I flew to Vegas. I landed at 12:30 and his pod was at 2. So I was like, great, I'll rent a car and buzz right over. Flight delayed. So I was the white guy late to the black pod. Tables have turned. And he was a little miffed.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think he was annoyed that you were late.

[Simon Rex]

I was like 40 minutes late. And he was just sitting there like, I got here too. And I'm like, the flight was delayed. What do you want for me? I flew here for you. But he's a.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's a pro. He's a.

[Simon Rex]

He's a pro.

[Chris D'Elia]

He probably would have been like, you should have flown in the night before for me.

[Simon Rex]

I know, I know. But he was cool. And I gotta tell you, right when that camera turned on, he was killing. He was charming. He was on his. He did his homework. He had great questions for me. I was like, how'd you know that?

[Chris D'Elia]

You misspoke a couple of times. But you have Tourette's, so it's not.

[Simon Rex]

I made that joke too. Yeah. He died. He gave me the. I called him Sharpie. I. I made fun of his Lululemon outfits. We had a great time. The only thing we got into it on the black national anthem.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay.

[Simon Rex]

Because I was like, I think it's weird. Like, let's come together and have one anthem. And he's like, well, the history. And I'm like, well, let's make a new one. I don't like two. And I'm like, what about an Asian anthem? What about a handicap anthem? And he was like, I don't know. You're crazy. But other than that, it was. It was flawless. A lot of laughs.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's huge. That's a big one.

[Simon Rex]

We had a good time. And then I got drunk on Cavasier and. Yeah, well, I drank. He didn't. And then, because it's. It's sitting right there, I told about bodega cat. I wore the bodega cat shirt. Yeah. So hopefully that helps.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't Know if I've ever been courvoisier drunk?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, it was weird. I started rapping and my dick grew. But we had a great time. He's a cool dude and a great interviewer. I was very impressed. And then what kind of stuff did.

[Chris D'Elia]

It was like, what's a good question?

[Simon Rex]

Like, he asked me about my bedwetting, my childhood. Like, he's like, did you must have had trauma if you did this and that. I was like, gee, he was like a therapist.

[Chris D'Elia]

This guy's a tight end, the NFL. And he's like, are you okay?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love that.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah. I made some CTE jokes. We had a good time.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Chris D'Elia]

He looked. I mean, look, he's a tight end. You know, else was a tight end. Fucking Aaron Hernandez.

[Simon Rex]

Oh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Some hits. I guess he fucked the brain up.

[Simon Rex]

I don't know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I don't know enough about it, but God damn.

[Simon Rex]

Well, I choked. No, but, you know, he was hung. He hung himself? Yeah. Oh, boy.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he. And he had a big day.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, really? Well, probably.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, but no, he. Yeah, he hung himself.

[Simon Rex]

Damn. Hernandez was gay. Oh, wow. And he murdered someone in college.

[Chris D'Elia]

Going on what the was like, too much to keep track of.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah. And he was a Bronco.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, Shark was in a Raven.

[Simon Rex]

Got it.

[Chris D'Elia]

But Hernandez was a patriot.

[Simon Rex]

Patriot.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn this country.

[Simon Rex]

And he killed his girlfriend.

[Chris D'Elia]

He killed a guy. Some gangster shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but he killed somebody in college too. I didn't drive by.

[Simon Rex]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Watch the doc. It's insane.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

I remember that. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

He had two kills.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, like three rings.

[Simon Rex]

By the way, there was a shooter in Austin. My big tweet was, finally someone in Austin killed, but still just for three people.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow, that's solid.

[Simon Rex]

I deleted it because I didn't want to get the whole thing started.

[Chris D'Elia]

So you retold it on the podcast

[Simon Rex]

Property of Allah. But yeah, so great weekend. I did. I did a rock show at the end of my. So I had an opener and he's like, I see you're in Vegas. You want to do a club? A stand up set.

[Chris D'Elia]

When you did a show with Chris Rock?

[Simon Rex]

No, no. I did a show to like a rock club and then drove to Flagstaff, Arizona. Did a show there and then drove to Tucson, did a casino and flew home.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn. So three nights.

[Simon Rex]

Three nights, Yeah. A lot of driving.

[Chris D'Elia]

That is a lot. Were you solo? You had someone with you?

[Simon Rex]

I had an opener with me, but boy, we. We did it up in Vegas. Went to bed at 6:30, just kept gambling, which is 9:30 in New York time.

[Chris D'Elia]

What were you playing?

[Simon Rex]

Just roulette and blackjack. Just the drinks kept flowing. It was wild.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't think I've ever played roulette.

[Simon Rex]

What? That's the best game.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is it?

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, because there's no math. You just. It's all about the ball, you know, you don't have to like do card thinking.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm so bad at gambling. Once I. I get to a point where like, you know, at a certain point I'm just like it all on one hand. I just get bored and I just throw everything down. Yeah, but that's why you lose. I'll be up. I'm like it. I don't give a. Yeah, you just give yourself an allotment. I'm okay losing this.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, yes, exactly. Well, my opener, He's a pro. He was up four grand. What? Yeah, he's good. So we, we had a nice like swingers breakfast, you know, with the sun coming up. It was great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn. Yeah, I do. I remember telling. I pulled an all nighter like that once and it was like one of the best nights. Both won like 1500 or so.

[Simon Rex]

Hell yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice. Nice night.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, well. Flagstaff. Underrated town.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've never been.

[Simon Rex]

Crunchy little mountain town in the middle of Arizona. Really cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

I gotta do more like that. I literally have nothing on my schedule right now.

[Simon Rex]

Well, the first time. Take a breather.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm taking a breather.

[Simon Rex]

Me too. No, you're not.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got it. I got it. I think it'll be get some more stories. You figure like a lot of my act is just me doing dumb drunk. Sure turn into a story. So I'm like, I gotta. I gotta go do some more dumb drunk.

[Simon Rex]

Hell yeah. Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Helps to make up some bad decisions.

[Simon Rex]

My nephew is 16, never had a sip of alcohol. And I'm like, you're crazy. My. My whole teens I was drunk. I don't remember any of it. So now we're comparing. We're doing this thing where I'm like, you have no friends, you're a virgin, and you play video games all day.

[Chris D'Elia]

And he's like, lay off, man.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, like you could use a drink.

[Chris D'Elia]

He hangs himself because you keep saying this to him. No, I. I was the same way. I was like, we all got hammered all the time. We were like. We were bad kids. You just. Yeah, that's what you did. You just got drunk.

[Simon Rex]

That's all we had. Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

Then you read all these studies and you're like, it's probably not good for Your brain's development to be getting, you know, just pounding 40s when you're 14.

[Simon Rex]

That's true, that's true. But if you got no friends, still pussies. Yeah, but he, like. He's like, well, it's. I'm not a very social guy. And I'm like, I'm not either. That's why I drank. So, like, I'm trying to explain to him that drinking is a way to make friends and meet. Meet people, get laid maybe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, now he's an alcoholic and it's all thanks to you.

[Simon Rex]

He got a DUI recently. But.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, but I'm with you, dude. Get out there and have some. Like, you have to get fucking lit up, but learn your limits, man.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

And also, if it makes you more social, it's better than just hiding behind a screen. You drink, you do other stuff, but you know. And you know what, Cocaine, heroin, there's other stuff you can do.

[Simon Rex]

Please. And it's healthy. Yeah, like. Like socializing is good for you. So, like, I know drinking is unhealthy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But so is staring at a screen for 10 years.

[Chris D'Elia]

Agree. We, like, we don't know the mental impacts.

[Simon Rex]

Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know?

[Simon Rex]

Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

And also, this shit will get you laid sometimes.

[Simon Rex]

Right? Right. There's women out there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Go meet them.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's fun. It's fun to make some mistakes.

[Simon Rex]

Exactly.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're gonna have to figure out the balance, though, as a parent, because are you going to be a strict parent? Are you gonna let your kid run wild?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I think you. You stay strict. Like, if he comes home drunk and he's like, you know, falling down, you go, you punish him. But you also know, like, this is not weird.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, two years old, he's already doing that. His first steps, he tripped.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that was very Rodney.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think I drink too much there. Took a urine sample. They found an olive in it. All right.

[Simon Rex]

But yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna go if. You know, it's like, you catch a kid jerking off, you don't go, what the are you doing?

[Chris D'Elia]

You join in and you.

[Simon Rex]

You show them how to do.

[Chris D'Elia]

How you do it.

[Simon Rex]

You cup the balls. Huge balls of my son. Really huge balls.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Well, I think the ball bag just comes out the. It comes out full size out of the gate.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

The dick grows.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hopefully.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. God.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's the thing too, about the balls. Is like having two big balls is. That's bad. It's like having massive quads just making dick look smaller by comparison, you know?

[Simon Rex]

You hear that, Ari? So this is crazy. I was talking to a fellow comedian, I'm not going to say who. And I was like, ah, my kid's dick is tiny. I'm a little worried. And he was like, my kid's dick is tiny, too. I'm worried. I was like, oh, yeah? Well, what's your wife do? And he's like, well, she's Asian. I'm like, oh, you gotta. You gotta tell me that first. You got an Asian wife. No wonder you're getting some jean stuff in there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Were they responsible for the tiny dick or the husbands?

[Simon Rex]

That's a good point.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, I don't know.

[Simon Rex]

I figured you put some Asian in there, it's gonna affect it and it'll be smart. So it's a. It's a good and the bad yin and yang.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's got to be some Asian guys with massive dongs, though. I'm looking it up. If you do it, don't act like you don't have it bookmarked. But, I mean. But then you're like a star. You're like a rock star.

[Simon Rex]

That's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you're like, oh, yeah, it's like a mist. It's like a really good mist, right? You take your pants off and you're like, huh?

[Simon Rex]

Yes. It's like a white guy who can dance. Hey, that's good. That looks fake. That's gotta be AI Asian image.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, here we go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, Dirk Diggle.

[Simon Rex]

All right. I mean, it's. It's not the biggest dog, all right? But it's above average. That's the joke from the 80s. Not our joke.

[Mark Normand]

So I learned something about the ball sack. Since we're talking about it, please.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

I like that you're saying it like we're on npr. A lot of people don't know this, but the history of the ball sack

[Mark Normand]

today on Delicious Balls. That seam on your balls.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Is the labia. It just gets sealed up on a guy.

[Simon Rex]

All right, I'll see you guys later. What the hell are you talking about? They sew it up.

[Norman Reedus]

No, no, wait.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, it just naturally seals up.

[Mark Normand]

It naturally seals up and that becomes your testicle sac. But on a lady, that is the labia. It stays open.

[Simon Rex]

Holy moly crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Simon Rex]

And the clit is the dick.

[Mark Normand]

Gotta be.

[Simon Rex]

Gotta be.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's the sensitive area.

[Simon Rex]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

It's like the head of the dick, but super tiny.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, let me Google big clit.

[Simon Rex]

Boy, clits are so annoying. Like, right when you find a.

[Mark Normand]

This is the best meme of all time.

[Simon Rex]

Right when you find the clit, it's like, go slower, softer. And then after a minute, she's like, go faster, harder. And I'm like, damn, this clit's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

You got to figure this thing out.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah. It's like a code. Damn, that's a big clip that I could find.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're just giving them work now to blow out.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, true. That's huge. That looks like my son's dick.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, if you have a really small dick, you should just transition. Have like a sick clit, sick clit.

[Simon Rex]

Now that's the punk band.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I can't find the chords.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is a mess.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, sick clip. Oh, is he here?

[Chris D'Elia]

We're now joined by Simon Rex, baby. We're joined by our buddy three Times Clap for myself.

[Simon Rex]

Hey, you got the clap.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

Three time champ here.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Me and Ari are the three time champs.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

We have a friendly beef about this because he came on after my first one is like, you sorry, but it was funny. He's doing a bit.

[Simon Rex]

Luckily he lives in Machu Picchu now. He's doing ayahuasca with a shaman and in a bush somewhere.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, he's.

[Simon Rex]

He moved off.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, he did it again. He always goes off.

[Simon Rex]

He's a wandering Jew. He just likes to us Jews wander. That's true. Moses, the other guy, he looks.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's looking more and more like Moses.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Moses was a Jew, right? Jesus was a Jew.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, dude.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. All right. This was fun already.

[Simon Rex]

More popular than the Gary VF apparently, is he? He's not Jewish. Gary Vee.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

He said he was Greek.

[Norman Reedus]

Ah.

[Mark Normand]

Something not a Jew.

[Simon Rex]

He sure was Greek.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's like Vidic.

[Simon Rex]

Ah, well, we don't want to talk about that episode. Yeah, yeah. Because people hated it.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, we'll keep it moving to see you, though.

[Norman Reedus]

Good to be back.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, we have to say out of the gate, we're. We have a different intro while we're in different outfits that we should address because we had to scrap an episode. For the first time in the show's history, we had a guest who requested at the behest of a rhyme or now of his PR team that we scrap anytime someone opens a message with my PR team, you're not a comedian. You've lost the comedian card. He requests that he's like my PR team. Okay. Lost the comic. I'm a clean comedian. Okay. We've had Jerry on. We've had Nate Bargazzi on. We've had the publicist on.

[Norman Reedus]

Was like, this is too edgy Too edgy.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't even think it was an edgy ep.

[Simon Rex]

No. I kept it clean with the guy. Pretty much.

[Chris D'Elia]

We won't say who it is.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you guys. You guys can figure it out and

[Simon Rex]

probably figure it out. But he. He said figure it out. It would hurt his brand, he said. So we had to. We had to yank it. So we lost the whole week. Episode Yankees.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's.

[Simon Rex]

It's annoying. It's a waste of time.

[Chris D'Elia]

It is a waste of time. I think that's the thing he at least addressed in the message. I'm aware this is a waste of, like, doesn't make it better.

[Simon Rex]

Right? Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, but the same. I fucked your wife. I know that was a bad thing to do to your wife.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

But I want you to know I know it was a bad thing to do.

[Simon Rex]

It's like a land acknowledgment. I'm on stolen land. This is horrible. Like, but you're still on there. You know, it's easy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Billie Eilish.

[Mark Normand]

I think the same PR team who said, remove the show. Or this is the PR team that said, can you have him on.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a good point. That's a good point. And I did mention that. I did mention that to him in the message. I said, just so you know, you asked to come on.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Your people should do their homework.

[Simon Rex]

And you're a comedian on a comedy podcast. What do you think was going to happen? Would you. We was just teletubbies, Ms. Rachel. We're going to be comedians.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, I'll fill in for him. And now we'll have a good time.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't know we could ask episodes to be deleted. By the way, I'm gonna call Louis Gomez and say, hey, can you scrap the library? I'm kidding, Louis.

[Norman Reedus]

But why is this. Who is that? Who's that?

[Simon Rex]

That's God.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, this is actually Lou Alcindor.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, Lou Alcindor.

[Mark Normand]

Dead. Naming him. But it is cream today.

[Norman Reedus]

Kareem. Oh, is it because what's his name scored more points yesterday than Kobe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sam Adebayo.

[Norman Reedus]

Which, by the way.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

It's like a lot of free throws. It wasn't as exciting as Kobe, sure. But he did 83 points in the

[Chris D'Elia]

NBA and his girlfriend is Asia Wilson, who's the best women's player. Like, they could. They could prove a baby.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Super baby. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Or the baby will come out opposite. It'll be like, you know, like Magic Johnson.

[Simon Rex]

That kid is unreal.

[Norman Reedus]

Do we ever talk about this?

[Chris D'Elia]

But he's like a six foot nine trans kid, so.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

So if he did play, if he went to the Women's league, he dominated.

[Simon Rex]

That's true. Why don't they have trans people?

[Norman Reedus]

I'm sure this has been addressed, but Magic Johnson beat aids. His name's Magic Johnson.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is that his dick?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yes. Dick is magic.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I wouldn't want to be near that wand. But it is a magical Wanda Sykes. I think he's more magic than the Dick Rwanda.

[Norman Reedus]

Sykes.

[Simon Rex]

So.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, look at that. Oh, wow.

[Simon Rex]

Wow. What a transformation. Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

Transformation.

[Chris D'Elia]

Let's transition.

[Simon Rex]

Transformers. More than meets the aids. Okay, what were we talking about? Oh, Bammy. Bam Margera.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

That's 83 points in the NBA. But, you know, it's against the wizard, so it's really.

[Simon Rex]

By the way, say what you will about Muslims, they will ruin a name. Lu Alcinder. Cool name. Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a pretty cool name. Then you got a Kareem. Kareem is cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a cool name.

[Simon Rex]

Cat Stevens, though, is now Youssef Islam. Cat Stevens. What a great name.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who gets named Cat? I'm going the other way.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, that's a cool name.

[Simon Rex]

Well, there's another one.

[Mark Normand]

Cassius.

[Simon Rex]

Cassius Clay is the coolest name of all time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is pretty badass.

[Mark Normand]

No?

[Simon Rex]

Oh, that's a bodega guy. Yeah. Muhammad Ali. Hello. Welcome.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a bodega guy. You don't start with him late at night. No.

[Simon Rex]

No, you don't.

[Norman Reedus]

Bodega cat. What's his name? Cat. We had it right there.

[Simon Rex]

Cat.

[Norman Reedus]

What did you say his name was?

[Mark Normand]

Cat.

[Norman Reedus]

Bodega cat. Steven. Hey, there it is.

[Simon Rex]

I like that.

[Norman Reedus]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Or in the Middle east, you know, we'll change it up.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, exactly. In the Middle east, this is called illegal, right? They can't have booze.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, I've not seen the new movie, and I'm gonna watch it. I can't wait to watch it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm sorry.

[Norman Reedus]

It's okay. Don't worry. No one watches movies anymore. Like, sending a link to a movie and asking somebody to watch it is just. I'm gonna watch. But it's under 90 minutes. We're.

[Chris D'Elia]

I promise I'll watch this.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, no worries.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I always like your work.

[Norman Reedus]

Thank you, man. This one is. It's like a. It's like a throwback to early 2000s. Like, dude, where's my car? That era like Harold and Kumar. And it's basically a conspiracy theory. Comedy. You were there. We met up in Charlotte.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was that shoot with Tony Cavallari.

[Norman Reedus]

And he steals the movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's awesome.

[Norman Reedus]

For a white guy. It's weird. He stole the movie, but, no, he.

[Chris D'Elia]

He.

[Norman Reedus]

He's hilarious. It's called Operation Taco Gary's. I don't know when this airs, but it'll be streaming.

[Chris D'Elia]

The trailer looks great.

[Norman Reedus]

It's funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

And it's on video on demand. I think it'll be Amazon Apple on March 24th. 4th. And so anyone out there get stoned and watch this movie? And we got Jason Biggs playing himself. Similar to your thing you just did. I don't know if we want to talk about that, but.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Which is perfect, because he was of that era, of this throwback we're doing.

[Simon Rex]

I love it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, it's a fun conspiracy theory comedy. I have a lot of friends who are conspiracy theorists, and I get to play a conspiracy theorist, which is fun, because usually they're very adamant about their opinions.

[Simon Rex]

Sure.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. And, you know, some of them are turning out to be true, so they're very validated.

[Simon Rex]

Correct. Yeah. Yeah, we're true. Can't believe Marlon Craft is in this. And the neck brace. That's pretty crazy. He's a rapper.

[Norman Reedus]

All right. Yeah. No, my thing about conspiracy theories is if you can't. After you say the earth is flat, if you can't say at the end of that sentence, or maybe I'm wrong, then that's the problem. You just gotta be open to being wrong. It's when someone's 100%. It's like the saying, only the madman is absolutely sure. Like, no, we don't fucking know anything. So that was the fun we had with this one. And the guy, Michael Kwame, who wrote and directed it, started Funny or Die. He was Will Ferrell's writing partner. Really funny, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Cool.

[Norman Reedus]

And it's. Yeah, it's just a fun one.

[Simon Rex]

So the COVID alone, I'm in.

[Norman Reedus]

It's fun. It looks fun.

[Simon Rex]

Like, fun. She's got a crossbow.

[Norman Reedus]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

That's exciting.

[Norman Reedus]

All right, so, yeah. You guys will check it out later? Hopefully, maybe never.

[Chris D'Elia]

I will, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, well, I'm rewatching movies. That's the worst part. I won't watch a new movie, but I watch Ray for no reason.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm rewatching to see what holds up. And. And you go back and you're like, oh, this comedy isn't funny anymore. Some comedies hold up. But I watch your wreck. Red Rock West. Great movie. So I'm going back as well. Yeah, great movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

90s.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a good movie.

[Norman Reedus]

That's a good movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dennis Hopper.

[Norman Reedus]

Dennis Hopper. Nick Cage. Nick Cage is all buff.

[Chris D'Elia]

She was one fine piece of.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, she was lfb.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, she was hot.

[Simon Rex]

I like the Lancet Boyle.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow, that's a good. That's a Red Rock West.

[Norman Reedus]

Wow, that's a movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great flick.

[Norman Reedus]

Great flick.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was a. That was a tour bus watch. I made everyone watch and they were all, dude, Veder was trying to get people to go to sleep. That fucking cunt. He's like, come on, he's ready. Not just he go to sleep. He's trying to rally people to the back to go. I'm like, not only are you going to be a buzz kill.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're going to try to kill the vibe on the bus.

[Simon Rex]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Like let's all go to sleep. I was like, fuck you. We're watching the movie with you guys.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, just kidding. I. The pot. You're funny. It's an easy joke.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, he reluctantly watched and then had to admit it was great.

[Simon Rex]

There you go. I prefer Gary Vee than Veer.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, oh. Different person.

[Chris D'Elia]

Kind of the little Gary. Bald Gary. You know, Gary.

[Norman Reedus]

I probably.

[Simon Rex]

Why do you both have to sleep? Why can't he just go to sleep?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he's the guy who tries to rally everyone to do what they want.

[Norman Reedus]

Rally and sleep shouldn't be in the same sentence.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, good point.

[Norman Reedus]

You can't try to go to sleep. That's one of those things. Like I gotta try to go the bathroom. You're either going to go, you're not. It's just a natural thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Also, it's my tour. Don't. Don't turn them against me.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, you're the head.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm the master and commander.

[Norman Reedus]

Mother back bedroom.

[Simon Rex]

I'm the captain.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't do it. I'm. I'm a man of the people.

[Norman Reedus]

Did you guys feet forwards? You have to. You have to because of what's her name story. Gloria Estefan. Almost.

[Simon Rex]

What happened?

[Norman Reedus]

Well, she broke her neck cuz she put her head facing forward.

[Chris D'Elia]

The rhythm is going to get you

[Norman Reedus]

put your feet forward because if the bus hits something, you're going to break your neck. Look it up.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't know that.

[Norman Reedus]

I think it was Gloria Estefan had a bus accident. Almost died. And that was the rule because when I toured, we would do the bus and we would sleep feet forward. And it's so cozy and there's like a little coffin. The Bus is fine. The Prevost.

[Simon Rex]

It's a cocoon. Are you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you have any the. This weekend?

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. And you're.

[Chris D'Elia]

And you're the. You're like our film guy.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes. I'm up for a couple. You're up for.

[Chris D'Elia]

You should have been nominated for Red Rock.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, that's sweet. Thanks.

[Chris D'Elia]

For real.

[Norman Reedus]

There was so funny when that happened. There was this buzz around it because all the, like, Oscar pundits and podcasts were, like, mentioning my name and even just that alone was like, what the fuck? And then I remember I was scared. It scared me because I was like, what comes with that? Like, that's. That's a lot. And it scared me more than it excited me. And then I remember at like 6am my agent and my manager was on the phone when they announced the nominees and I didn't get nominated. And I went right back.

[Chris D'Elia]

You on the ballet and the opera.

[Norman Reedus]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

What a silly thing to get upset about, but what a nice group to offend because they're probably not going to do anything.

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dance. Angrily dance. I'll tell you that much. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

His sister's a ballet dancer, too.

[Norman Reedus]

Who's this?

[Simon Rex]

Shalom.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think his mom.

[Simon Rex]

Or is his mom. Sorry.

[Norman Reedus]

Chalamet ballet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's.

[Norman Reedus]

No, I. I thought. Yeah, I think, you know, it seems like he. He feels like he could win it this year, but I watched. I re. Watched Marty supreme and one battle after another, and I think Leo edges him in performance. I do. I thought it was funny. Funny? Yeah, it's funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's tough.

[Norman Reedus]

It's a tough call, but I love.

[Chris D'Elia]

How about Ethan Hawke and Blue Moon?

[Norman Reedus]

I haven't seen it.

[Simon Rex]

Killed it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my.

[Simon Rex]

Killed it. Unreal.

[Norman Reedus]

Speaking of Blue Moon, can I drink?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm on ulcer dance right here, so you drink for me.

[Norman Reedus]

I can't believe I'm on. I'm drinking and you're not. This is amazing.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

End of an arrow damage to my body.

[Norman Reedus]

I'll just do a tequila water.

[Simon Rex]

Tequila water. We're on it. Baby.

[Norman Reedus]

Baby. I prepared for this. I'm normally not a day drinker. I'm going to go down after this on a man, but.

[Simon Rex]

Nice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, dealer's choice. We got a few tonight.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Go down on Gary Veder. Look.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, so you're going to go way down.

[Norman Reedus]

He's not in the mix as far as the buzz that I'm hearing goes. Yeah, I heard he did a great job.

[Simon Rex]

He cares the whole movie. It's Basically just him.

[Norman Reedus]

Little guy.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, he's a midget.

[Chris D'Elia]

Kind of like 411. The character. So what, like Gary Vader? Yeah. What do you. What are your favorite ones this year?

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, God. You know, it was a good year for movies. That's exciting. I feel like Hollywood sort of got this, like, narrative that it's bur burning and going down, which you guys are going to be so good because you're your own bosses and you guys go on the road and do what you want. I gotta be a little more afraid of the future with AI and no one goes to movies anymore and you're competing with the phones.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

So it's exciting to see some movies that are getting people jazzed. But, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think one battle, it's gonna probably win a lot. And. But now that. What's his name, One for Sinners. Michael B. Jordan.

[Chris D'Elia]

He was good.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, he was good, but I don't think it was as good. And I'm not being racist. I just don't think it's a bummer.

[Chris D'Elia]

You have to preface that with kidding. No, but you. I've heard a lot of people say that.

[Simon Rex]

I know.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, you know, you can't say kidding anymore because kids are offended.

[Simon Rex]

Shut up. Oh, you scared me there, Margot Kidder.

[Norman Reedus]

How's your kids?

[Simon Rex]

How old? 1 and 1 year and a month. Hot. Yeah, it's good. He's got the diaper on. He leaves it low. Oh, it's very sexy. Yeah. Wait, wait, hold on.

[Norman Reedus]

Let's go back.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, with the racist thing. You guys are going fast. The racist thing is tough because I never watched Black Panther and everybody was like, what are you, racist? And I'm like, I just don't like comic book movies.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I haven't seen one. Avengers.

[Norman Reedus]

I fell asleep in it and my friend was, like, waking me up, like, it's racist.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're quiet in the movie theater. That is racist. Come on.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think it's tough that black people had to wait so long for a superhero franchise. 8. To make it past Ant Man.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a long way for their own superhero movie.

[Simon Rex]

And the Beetle. There was a couple of them.

[Chris D'Elia]

There was a few.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, they had a couple.

[Chris D'Elia]

But, like, for a Marvel one, I guess, Blade, technically, it's not, like a

[Norman Reedus]

world, which is a racist title. Like, what are you saying? He's.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's more Puerto Rican. That's true if you ask me. Black Adam. Who's that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah, that was recently.

[Norman Reedus]

That was the rock. The rock. Oh, he's black enough.

[Simon Rex]

He's half African. There you go. Halle Berry. Half.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. The good half.

[Simon Rex]

Sure.

[Norman Reedus]

Lower half.

[Simon Rex]

I hope not. I don't want a huge clit. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was another good segment we covered. Now I'm wondering why. I'm realizing why he might have cut this episode. Can we do a huge clit chunk?

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

He had like eight PR people in here. And we're like, what do you think? A huge clit versus a big dick? And I think they were just sitting there like, what is happening?

[Simon Rex]

I don't remember that.

[Norman Reedus]

The clit out.

[Simon Rex]

I couldn't find it.

[Norman Reedus]

They were trying to find it for 51 years.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't think we were that bad, though.

[Simon Rex]

No. We did do a couple Tourette's jokes. Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was that bad?

[Simon Rex]

No. He's crazy. He's a big queef.

[Norman Reedus]

Who. This is after the show.

[Simon Rex]

I love these comments. I love Richard Pryor. I love George Carlin. Then they're like, hey, can we delete that? It was a little racy. Get out of here.

[Mark Normand]

By the way.

[Chris D'Elia]

You want to delete a line? I'm all for the whole episode.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. That's weird.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're busy.

[Simon Rex]

I know.

[Norman Reedus]

Carlin's still dead, right?

[Simon Rex]

Still dead.

[Chris D'Elia]

Still dead.

[Simon Rex]

Still dead. Going strong.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. He would have been more relevant than ever right now. You go back and watch his stuff and it's like, oh, this applies to.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. And the clips still come up and they go, here's his abortion clip. Here's his government clip. Here's his war clip.

[Norman Reedus]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

And the right and the left both claim him, which is fascinating.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm getting a tequila water. Are you on or off the sauce?

[Simon Rex]

I'll take a. I'll take a smirch. A smirch, A smirch, A smooch.

[Chris D'Elia]

I gotta. I gotta recover, man. I'm fucking. I haven't even. No coffee is worse than no alcohol.

[Norman Reedus]

You've had no coffee?

[Chris D'Elia]

I can't do it. I'm gonna. Coffee in days.

[Simon Rex]

What?

[Chris D'Elia]

I also had a fucking 6am pickup today with no coffee, so.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, God.

[Norman Reedus]

Why are you doing this yourself? So no caffeine or no coffee?

[Chris D'Elia]

You can't have it agitates the fucking ulcer.

[Norman Reedus]

So you actually have one. You're not assuming you went to the doctor?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, but I know I've had it before and I know what it is, you know, you're. Let it go away.

[Simon Rex]

What is it? Is that like a hole in your esophagus or something? Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Chris D'Elia]

In your stomach? No, not in your esophag.

[Norman Reedus]

In your stomach.

[Chris D'Elia]

Stomach. No. It sucks, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Can it heal?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

It'll heal. I'm on preface at 30 and.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa, 30?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I'm drinking water. You're just eating clean. It's the one thing I miss about coffee is just kind of timing my shits. Yeah, I forgot that without coffee, you don't know when your shit is going to irregular. I can kind of be like, here, I'm having my coffee now I'll shit.

[Simon Rex]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

It's. It's anyone's guess now when I'm going to shit during the day. I hate it.

[Simon Rex]

That's true. And I don't feel good until I shit. Once I get this, I get the evil out.

[Chris D'Elia]

I. Today I'm furious.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, my God, you're pent up.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm pent up.

[Norman Reedus]

You do feel better after you drop a juice like the toxins?

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Norman Reedus]

And you feel better?

[Simon Rex]

100%.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I'll have brain fog. My eyes are blurry. I'll take a shit. I'm. I'm clean.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I'm struggling, dude. Yeah, no, the. No coffee is. Is getting. We were having. We were drunk at a dinner last week and I was like, I can go without booze.

[Simon Rex]

I can't go. That's true.

[Chris D'Elia]

You say, And I've been going without both the last few days. Only been four days, but okay, so

[Norman Reedus]

I've tried no coffee. That's. I could. Day two or three. You're grumpy, you're irritable. Headaches.

[Simon Rex]

You get the headaches?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I was with a woman. She tried to have sex with me. I said, I'm not in the mood.

[Simon Rex]

I have a headache. By the way, headache cured by sex. So suck on that, ladies.

[Norman Reedus]

Cure your sex.

[Simon Rex]

Well, if you have a headache and you have sex, the headache goes away. I tried it.

[Norman Reedus]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. I jerked off. But still.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, that's the whole thing. As they say back in the day, they would. They would pleasure. Like Victorian, you know, they would, like, pleasure women. And that was how they would, like, deal with them being hysterical.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I'm pretty. You can look it up. I'm pretty sure the vibrator was created not for women's pleasure, but so they would stop being crazy.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

You can look it up.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know how to look that up, but that's amazing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Victorian. Like, weird.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna get some crazy porn.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's hot. Those are the good old days. Oh, yeah. Victorian vibrator.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Yeah, that's hot. I would want to see that happen. Too bad there was.

[Simon Rex]

Look at that.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, my goodness.

[Simon Rex]

That's a fister. Victorian secret. Holy hell. That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Not selling that one at the Hustler Club.

[Simon Rex]

That looks rough. Looks like a mace. It's like a sander. Like a belt sander. Good times. Wow, man, look at that. You gotta grind the clip right off with that.

[Norman Reedus]

What the. Yeah, that's a power drill.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, the Polar Club vibrators.

[Mark Normand]

I love how, like, they, like, they developed electricity like five years earlier. And they're like, make women come.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Did you have that thing where your mom was like, that's a massager. She had that big fucking beige wand

[Chris D'Elia]

with pull it out of your ass.

[Simon Rex]

Like, sorry, I want to wipe that down. Yeah, the massager was big. Every woman had that big old fat one with the top on it.

[Norman Reedus]

Did you guys ever. The Jacuzzi when you're a kid?

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Norman Reedus]

Like the hole would be.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

That was good.

[Chris D'Elia]

I never stuck my neck. That was too intimidating.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. No. It's kind of the equivalent of a woman using the bathtub faucet.

[Simon Rex]

Yes.

[Norman Reedus]

Like a water source. Speaking of water source, you guys know that bank terms are all water references? Like, think about. I don't. There's some reason why anything with money is a water reference. Liquid cash flow. There's. For some reason. There's a reason why bank even. Whoa. I think I wrote some of these down because this came up yesterday. I'm like, the boys are gonna like this.

[Simon Rex]

I like it.

[Norman Reedus]

Some reason.

[Chris D'Elia]

It sounds like a car overflow.

[Simon Rex]

Cash flow.

[Norman Reedus]

Bank currency. There's a bunch of the current. Yeah. I don't know why. Is there a reason why there's gonna be a source?

[Simon Rex]

I bet it's all source.

[Norman Reedus]

Tequila, water source. Yeah, the source.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you.

[Norman Reedus]

Here's some tequila water.

[Simon Rex]

No ice in this house. What kind of world are we living in?

[Norman Reedus]

Rowdy it.

[Simon Rex]

Well, it's a cocktail. You can't give us. No ice. I'll go.

[Norman Reedus]

No ice. I'll go.

[Simon Rex]

Now, this is Gaza. Come on. Thank you. All right. Appreciate it. Sorry.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. So New York City, walking around, got here 75 degrees. This is the best time in New York. I remember when I lived here that first day of spring. The girls are out in the T shirts. The mood is good. I'm like, it's. I missed this whole winter you guys had. I've been watching TV. Two Blizzards and I get here in 75 degree weather. I. It was great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do you see these people Posting videos, too, where they're just like, if you weren't here during the winter, then get the out. No, that's not how it works. You're allowed to.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm allowed to come visit.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're allowed to come visit?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, we don't do that with other stuff. You weren't in the Holocaust. You can't be Jewish now.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm so Jewish. I wonder how much the Holocaust. Anyway, that's not a bad joke.

[Simon Rex]

Count it. The first guy to do it 80 years ago killed it. Yeah, but. Yeah, you know, it's weird that cleavage makes everybody happy. Do women know that their cleavage brightens the world up?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, you start smiling, you love it.

[Simon Rex]

You see cleavage, you're like, hey, it's. I feel like a. A groundhog. Maybe a great spring.

[Norman Reedus]

I was walking around downtown, and the girls are out, and it's beautiful, but every girl's on their phone. It's hard. Like street. It's. To. To talk to a girl on the street is tough these days.

[Simon Rex]

Those days are over.

[Norman Reedus]

Hold. Open, open.

[Chris D'Elia]

You can't make eye contact now. You got to follow him for a few blocks.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, you gotta follow them around. Wait, was that a. Not a cold open? What do you call it when you go approach?

[Chris D'Elia]

Icebreaker.

[Norman Reedus]

Icebreaker. Another water reference. Cold open.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, like money. She's a C. Okay.

[Norman Reedus]

But, yes, it's hard. Go up and just hit on a woman in 2020 post. I have done that.

[Simon Rex]

Well, you're a hot guy who's tall who has a celebrity background.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, true. So I guess that doesn't hurt.

[Chris D'Elia]

And we saw that in a red rocket.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah, it was fake, but it

[Chris D'Elia]

was a good fake dick. A woman asked for a dick bake.

[Norman Reedus]

You'd be like, it's on Netflix now. Go check it out.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's on Netflix.

[Norman Reedus]

On Netflix, everybody.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Sean Baker, who won the Oscar for all the Oscars.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes. There it is.

[Simon Rex]

He did what? Florida Project.

[Norman Reedus]

Florida Project. He did Anora, which was his big winner. He did another one called Tangerine that was shot on an iPhone, which is another. He doesn't miss. I mean, he's makes great stuff and cool dude. He's the. The greatest. Just such a sweet guy. Jersey boy, local guy. And, you know. Oh, there's a hunk of Rob. Yeah. Right there it is. Running around with my dick out.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

So I remember when we shot Red Rock. Oh, sorry to cut you off.

[Chris D'Elia]

Go ahead.

[Simon Rex]

Did you get any DMS from women after that? Because they don't know it's fake.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. That a Lot of people seeing it on Netflix now that never saw it because it's on like the home page.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're like a dude showing up, taking off lifts before.

[Simon Rex]

Right, right.

[Norman Reedus]

No, it's. You know that. That's it. Me, don't you usually at him, not the guest.

[Simon Rex]

I mix it up.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay. Okay. I guess it was three episodes. I'm local.

[Chris D'Elia]

It was a big wind up for.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that won't even register on here. Sorry.

[Norman Reedus]

No. So wait, what are we talking about? Oh yeah, what were we talking about?

[Simon Rex]

Your dick. The DMs.

[Chris D'Elia]

DMs.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh yeah. You girls will hit you, but you can't do. That's like.

[Chris D'Elia]

What do they say though?

[Norman Reedus]

Ye be like, oh, I. I just saw red rocket heart eyes or whatever. But you know, that's weird. You can't actually go meet those people because you think it's a setup. You're like, oh, this is not. You know what I mean? Like, you're not gonna go meet a fan.

[Simon Rex]

Never done a guy.

[Norman Reedus]

It's an automatic rule. If someone's like a fan, it's like, ah, this is cheating, you know?

[Simon Rex]

Cheating. Really? Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

But I've had a couple girls tell me later, like, actually I knew who you were from this. I'm like, ah, I feel.

[Simon Rex]

Of course they know you were in Felicity.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, that's true.

[Simon Rex]

You Felicity.

[Norman Reedus]

I fucked Felicity. Now at the time, people were mad about that because the whole show, the crux of the show, is she gonna sleep with Brad or Noel, the two main guys. And then it was actually good writing. J.J. abrams wrote that.

[Simon Rex]

Wow, I didn't know that.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah, J.J. abrams. And whoa. And I remember going into. It's actually funny. I remember going into audition. It was an art. The role was artist. And I'm in the waiting room to go in. This is like 2001. And there's a guy, he did this. A guy brought to the waiting room an easel, a painting, and he's in the waiting room to get into character. Painting in the waiting room. I remember thinking this.

[Simon Rex]

What?

[Norman Reedus]

Like, are you really getting into the role, dude?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

And then I went in and booked it. And I didn't have to paint in the lobby.

[Chris D'Elia]

You weirdo actors take that Daniel Day Lewis.

[Norman Reedus]

Exactly.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

No, it was the actors suck.

[Simon Rex]

But you got the role. You were the bad boy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is that guy a recognizable.

[Norman Reedus]

I have no idea who it was. Yeah, probably. It's probably Timothy Mario Lopez, you know, But I remember that. Yeah, that show was a big deal. People would yell at me out the car. It shouldn't have been you girls love that show.

[Simon Rex]

She also cut her hair.

[Chris D'Elia]

Remember?

[Simon Rex]

That was a huge deal.

[Norman Reedus]

When she cut her hair, I was.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't even watch the show and I was pissed. She cut her hair.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah. No.

[Chris D'Elia]

What the Is that?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I was on set the day she came and cut her hair without telling production. And the set was all. Everyone was all like, weird. And I'm like, what's going on? They're like, she cut her hair without telling anybody. The producers are pissed.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Because that was her whole thing, was her angelic hair and she just went with the bob.

[Simon Rex]

Yep.

[Norman Reedus]

And that was a big deal. And I remember she got in a bunch of trouble for.

[Simon Rex]

But they wrote it in.

[Norman Reedus]

I mean, not trouble.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, they wrote it. They were like, yeah, she's going through some. Yeah, that's what girls do. They either get banged or kill her husband.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, I remember when I shot the scene with her because it was like they had closed set. We had to make out. She had her shirt off and her husband was at work that day. And I'm like, this is such a weird job. I'm like, making out with this dude's wife. He's waiting in the other room.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's jerking off in the corner.

[Simon Rex]

Wow. How about that?

[Norman Reedus]

And she just won a Golden Globe.

[Simon Rex]

She is a very pretty. She's in that new show with the. Where she bangs everybody. Oh, no offense, I forgot the name of it, but my mom likes it.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like, I bet her husband's at every shoot day.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, just the quarter in a cuck chair.

[Mark Normand]

By the way, I was watching Six Degrees of Separation the other night.

[Simon Rex]

Good movie.

[Mark Normand]

And this is J.J. abrams acting.

[Norman Reedus]

No shit.

[Mark Normand]

Can I play it real quick?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, play hey Willy's remedy. You ever wake up after a night out and do that mental inventory? Phones here while it's here. Dignity. We'll circle back. If you're trying to chill out without the hangover horror movie. The next morning, Willie's remedy is the move. It's Willie Nelson's THC infused special tonic. And let's be honest, if anyone knows how to relax properly, it's Willie. It's a low calorie, low Sugar. Comes in 5 milligram and 10 milligram doses. You can take it as a shot, sip it over ice, or throw it in a mocktail. It's got thc, cbd, cbg, L theanine, calm, clarity, euphoria. No regrets, no hangover apology tour. Willie sold out three times in the first six months with over 50000 happy customers and they just restock. They ship to 40 plus states. Order now at drink willys.com and use code WMBD for 20 off your first order plus free shipping on orders over 95 bucks. And enjoy life in the high country.

[Chris D'Elia]

If you have pests in your home, you got to try pesti. It's a do it yourself pest control. But not with that sad little spray bottle from the hardware store. They send you pro grade pesticides, the same stuff the pros use. That's a good poison, you know. And the kit is idiot proof. Sprayer, mixing bag, gloves, instructions. You knock it out in under 10 minutes. I've had ants. I mean New York City in the summer, you get that shit. It's unavoidable. I mean this is. This sounds like it could be huge for me, so I'm gonna check this out. What I like is that it's customized. They factor in your season, location and weather. So it's not some outdated diluted nonsense. It's actually tailored to the bugs in your area. And it starts at 35 bucks per treatment. Other pest companies charge hundreds. That is true. And with pesti, no strangers in your house, no appointments. And it's got such a cute name for murdering these bugs, guys. Pesti. It gets rid of over a hundred types of bugs. Spiders, ants, roaches, scorpions, and God, who has scorpions in their home. That sounds fucking bad. And it's kid and pet friendly when used as directed. Fully registered products used in hospitals and schools. That's comforting. That's good. They even offer a 100 bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you get a full refund. That's amazing. Bugs. Hate to see you coming with PES T go to pesti.com mightbe drunk for an extra 10 off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com mightbe drunk for an Extra 10% off. Guys. Yeah, let's be honest. Ed is one of the things nobody wants to talk about, but everybody Googles it at 2am that's good to know. I thought it was alone. It doesn't mean your love life is over. It just means it's time to take control. Through HIMS, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for ED if prescribed. This is an awkward waiting room energy. It's 100% online licensed providers doctor trusted ingredients, personalized treatment options, including trusted generics that cost 90, 95% less than brand names if prescribed. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to feel like yourself. HIMSS is like your digital front door. Real medical providers simple access your goals first. Not some one size fits all deal where you're just a clipboard. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hims.com drunk that's hims.com drunk for your free online visit hims.com drunk Featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan.

[Simon Rex]

Hell yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

You gave a complete stranger who happens to mention my name the keys to our house. Wow, dad. Sometimes it's so obvious to me why mom left. I'm so embarrassed to know you gave the keys to a stranger. Your office mother told me you beat her. My mom told me you were rotten lover and you drank so much. Your body's mother cheap white wine. Mom said sleeping with you.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

It was like sleeping with a salad

[Norman Reedus]

made of bad dressing.

[Simon Rex]

I watched this with my parents. It was brutal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, same.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, it's one of those movies where you're like, oh, I don't know it's gonna be all this sexual.

[Norman Reedus]

Your parents were just in town for 28 days.

[Chris D'Elia]

14.

[Simon Rex]

18.

[Norman Reedus]

18 days.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Brutal.

[Norman Reedus]

I feel like I know you're. This is one of those a. What's it called? A parasocial relationship.

[Simon Rex]

That's right.

[Norman Reedus]

Where I and you guys are a pair of douchebags.

[Simon Rex]

Yay.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Norman Reedus]

That was a low blow. No, but I know your guys life more than my friends because I'm listening to the pods. I like know what's going on. How would I I know your life.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Yeah. They were here, they're. They're gone. And that's a long time. And my dad is. Is and my baby are the same now. They both eat soft food. They can't walk, they can't hear. Yeah, so. Well, my baby can hear, but they're both stared at my wife's tits. Either way, it was awkward. It was a lot going on in my house. It was brutal. And my parents, they never leave. They just stay there. They sit in the living room and read.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's crazy. It is tough when the, the people I had a friend. The common area. I I.

[Simon Rex]

Common area.

[Chris D'Elia]

Common area is a big thing.

[Simon Rex]

It is because you walk down and you're like, here we go. You can't just go get something out of the fridge. Everything has to be a thing. What are you doing? You hungry? You want me to make you something?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God. I remember having, like, Craigslist roommates and like, you bring a. You go. You like, go to the bathroom and like, they're just in the com. You're like, I just made eye contact with a stranger. Now I'm making eye contact with another

[Simon Rex]

stranger in the fucking hallway. And you pay a bonus at the end of the month.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, who's Craig anyways? There a real Craig? Is there a guy named Craig?

[Simon Rex]

It's gotta be. Yeah, this tom on MySpace.

[Norman Reedus]

It's gotta be Craig. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Pull it up, pull it up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is he a real guy?

[Simon Rex]

I bet he is. And I mean, is he doing well?

[Mark Normand]

Boom.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, there he is.

[Simon Rex]

Craig Newmark, still alive. Wow. Did he clean up on that? That SF based.

[Chris D'Elia]

He does not look like a guy who would go on Craigslist. No.

[Simon Rex]

No, he doesn't.

[Chris D'Elia]

Look at that hat and scarf.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, how about that Morris Jersey?

[Norman Reedus]

Okay.

[Simon Rex]

Can you make money on that? Because it didn't have any ads or anything.

[Chris D'Elia]

They always find a way.

[Simon Rex]

They find a way. He probably got a penny from every table I sold. Every nightstand, every hookup.

[Norman Reedus]

I was gonna say Rex. We could jump into some wrecks if

[Chris D'Elia]

you guys want a wreck.

[Simon Rex]

Hey, T. Rex.

[Norman Reedus]

Rex.

[Simon Rex]

Rex. Simon. Rex.

[Norman Reedus]

What about this gu you ever. Because I think collectively we are having memory problems. There's too much information on our phones. And you ever, like, think of something and you have to Google it, here's a wreck.

[Simon Rex]

I'm back, baby.

[Norman Reedus]

That one wasn't at either of us.

[Simon Rex]

I shot it down the middle. Yeah, like a centrist.

[Norman Reedus]

No, a wreck that I have is try to remember it without googling it. Even if it takes five minutes. Don't go right to the goog. Give it a minute. See if you could access it because you'll get a dopamine hit when you do.

[Simon Rex]

I like that.

[Norman Reedus]

And you're exercising your brain, so don't click goo right away.

[Chris D'Elia]

Salicy, you're fired.

[Simon Rex]

I. I had one the other day where I asked chat gbt, what should I not be doing in life? And it said, using me. Wow. You should chat. GBT told me to stop using. He's like, you should struggle, think.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, you know, GPT is there's people who are probably in toxic relationships who never. Like, maybe they don't talk to their friends about it, but they. Maybe they ask Chad all the time. Maybe they're embarrassed to bring this to the friend, but maybe they're talking to Chat GPT. Like, is it weird that my. Is it weird that my wife laughs at her boss's jokes and works late? And you're like, oh, you never would have asked anyone that. Yeah, but now maybe you get out of that. Maybe ChatGPT is like, yeah, it's fucking weird. You should get out of this relationship. But that didn't exist. Like, there wasn't a person to ask that to.

[Simon Rex]

Well, they're being sued now because a lot of people are killing themselves because Chat GPT was like, oh, maybe it is a good idea. Maybe you should so well to stay

[Norman Reedus]

in that same world of wrecks. I also have another wreck. I went and got a digital alarm clock so I don't have to look at my phone when I wake up to see what time it is. Because then you get sucked right in immediately. Text messages.

[Simon Rex]

That's it.

[Norman Reedus]

Another I go even further. Put your phone on airplane mode when you go to bed. So that way when you wake up, if you do have to look at your phone, you don't get sucked right in. Because I think it's. I've been working on this one. No coffee for an hour after you wake up.

[Simon Rex]

I do that one.

[Norman Reedus]

That's hard, but you could do it. Hour, hour and a half.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm gonna have to when I get back.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, just give yourself an hour. You got to get the natural cortisol level.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, yes.

[Norman Reedus]

Juberman over here. And then also, don't look at your phone and go right into social media. You're just going to be all day long. You're going to be tapped. If you go right to caffeine and phone, give yourself an hour. So Siri, set timer one hour and then go. I love phone and a coffee.

[Simon Rex]

Don't let the phone dictate your day. Because you wake up, you start going, oh, now the phone's got control of you. You got to control the phone.

[Norman Reedus]

It's.

[Simon Rex]

We're all.

[Norman Reedus]

So anyway, that's a wreck that I got that I thought would be, you know, hopefully people out there, you know, no coffee for an hour. What else? Oh, this is interesting. Suitcase. It's a case for a suit.

[Simon Rex]

Ah.

[Norman Reedus]

But we don't think about that, right? You're looking at me like. You son of a.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is like if Seinfeld smoked too much weed and he's just like, wait a second.

[Norman Reedus]

See, that's why I lobbed it up. I knew there'd be some. But Suitcase, it's like cupboard, cupboard. We don't think about these things.

[Simon Rex]

I think about that you do. Well, you have a brain of a thinker. The irony is a suitcase tends to come in a bag. Oh. You know, you hold that bag up with the hanger on top, it's like

[Norman Reedus]

cargo is on a ship and shipments on the car.

[Simon Rex]

What are we doing is melting? Well, you park on a driveway, you drive on a parkway.

[Norman Reedus]

All right, I'm out of here.

[Simon Rex]

All right. Hell no.

[Norman Reedus]

So, yeah, no, that's fun.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. But these are good little things to notice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Here's another good one. In Coffee World.

[Simon Rex]

World.

[Norman Reedus]

You ever heard of a napuccino?

[Simon Rex]

Oh, God, I hate it already.

[Norman Reedus]

Espresso shot right as you're about to take a nap. No, it's amazing.

[Simon Rex]

It doesn't work. Who can nap when they need to?

[Chris D'Elia]

I want to hear this guy.

[Norman Reedus]

I learned it in Spain, where they know their coffee and they know their naps. And you take an espresso shot as you're going down. You gotta time it perfect. And when you wake up 20 minutes later, Zing, baby.

[Simon Rex]

Noel.

[Norman Reedus]

Zinging and zanging.

[Simon Rex]

I tried.

[Chris D'Elia]

It will never work.

[Simon Rex]

It'll never work.

[Norman Reedus]

Try it.

[Simon Rex]

Because you sit there and you go, okay, fall asleep.

[Norman Reedus]

No, it's a wreck.

[Simon Rex]

It's a nap.

[Norman Reedus]

It's a wreck. So I want you to try.

[Simon Rex]

You can't do it. Because you can't. Your brain won't turn off.

[Norman Reedus]

All right, That's a thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm gonna go ahead and say this, and I don't mean any disrespect. I lose a little respect for nappers, you know?

[Norman Reedus]

Well, that's the thing.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't really like a napper. I've never met a napper.

[Simon Rex]

Napa Valley.

[Norman Reedus]

When you travel, it's easier. I'm not a napper. I can never shut the brain.

[Chris D'Elia]

I understand. Maybe. Maybe you got kids. It's different, you know? Yeah. No, I mean, the hours are screwed up, but, like, I. I have friends who are like, I took a nap. I'm like, you don't have anything going on in here.

[Simon Rex]

That's.

[Chris D'Elia]

What's with all these naps.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Well, the other day I went drinking real hard, and I had three shows and I got, like, an hour's sleep. Pulled it all nighter. I had to have a nap.

[Chris D'Elia]

But even the word nap is emasculating.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

What about kidnap?

[Chris D'Elia]

Took a little nap.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a baby term, right?

[Chris D'Elia]

I took a little baby nap. It's. Oh, it's never like a. You're never gonna see, like, a longshoreman. Like, I'm gonna take a nap.

[Simon Rex]

Well, you know what they do? They had power in the front.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, but that's like a white collar move.

[Simon Rex]

Sure, sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm gonna take a power nap. Yeah. All right.

[Simon Rex]

I'm a bottom power nap. Then there's catnap. And then it's kidnap.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, so if an adult gets kidnapped, is it a kidnap? Oh, like, what's her name is kidnap, but she's 88 years old.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think it's still a kidnap.

[Simon Rex]

Savannah Guthrie. Yeah, it should be a napping.

[Norman Reedus]

Did they find her yet?

[Simon Rex]

Nah, she's dead.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, but is she officially dead?

[Simon Rex]

I'm calling it right now. You don't have the authority to call this Polymark. Put me down for a dead Savannah. Okay? He's gonna want to scrub the episode.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, I got. I got. I got.

[Simon Rex]

I got a couple peeves off your. Off your suitcase. I got one that'll rock your tits right off there, Rexy. Dress shoe. Imagine being a foreigner, and you're like, dress shoe. So I gotta wear a shoe that goes with a dress. Is it a dress or a shoe? And then there's also there's dress shirt.

[Chris D'Elia]

It was dressed up like the Canadians call their all. They're like their chips with everything on it. All dressed.

[Simon Rex]

It's dress.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, it's dress up.

[Simon Rex]

It's dress up.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I think so.

[Simon Rex]

But it's a dress.

[Norman Reedus]

I want to go up.

[Simon Rex]

A dress is a thing. And then. So a dress, best shoe. It's like a bull shark. Which one is it? I think it's all right.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's all right.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Norman Reedus]

And then you order some shoes to your address. Okay. Jesus.

[Simon Rex]

I gotta get it. If you're a foreigner, that would be confused. Or how about this one? Pretty ugly.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, she's pretty ugly.

[Simon Rex]

Wait a minute. Wait, wait. Pretty ugly.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Simon Rex]

Make up your mind here, dickless.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, it's like a Dodge Ram.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, Dodge Ram.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're dodging it or you're ramming it?

[Simon Rex]

Ah. All right, let me get Jerry on the line.

[Norman Reedus]

Wait. Also, you know the term drag? You know what that comes from?

[Simon Rex]

Like, drag that shows. Drag queen or like, you're a drag queen. Okay, it comes from.

[Chris D'Elia]

So it's negative. This was a drag.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, no, no. The drag queen comes from back in the old theater in England, the men would wear a dress that played women, and it would drag on the ground. And that's the origin of drag queen. And they wear the outfits. It's from the British. A lot of stuff comes from British.

[Simon Rex]

That's true.

[Norman Reedus]

Origins, A lot of prison origin.

[Chris D'Elia]

I asked my wife, she wants a cigarette after sex. She said, no, thanks. One drag is enough.

[Simon Rex]

I'll tell you.

[Norman Reedus]

That's a good bill.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cos. Cosby.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

All right. Sorry. What was your thing?

[Chris D'Elia]

I got a few peeves.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, hit me.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, one is people who get too annoyed by a fart.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Have you met these people? They're just like, oh, oh. And you're like, all right, calm down. You didn't get. He just looked annoyed.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm talking about the people who get, like, dramatic over. You've seen it with, like.

[Simon Rex]

Of course.

[Norman Reedus]

You did it to Seinfeld and you took a. On Sandler's tour. I know. Too much.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I shouldn't have done that. That was. That was a rookie move.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's it. That's another one.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm out of the in crowd.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

But no, the people who get. And also, if you want to try to shame the farter. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

It's like, come on.

[Chris D'Elia]

If it's a close group of friends, I'll give it to you. But the people who farted.

[Simon Rex]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I'm out.

[Simon Rex]

And it's gonna end. The fart dissipates in a minute and a half. Get out of here. Yeah, I can see if it lingers.

[Norman Reedus]

Weird. It's like when people get mad. Yet you haven't seen Fill in the blank. Movies. People get upset about the lack of movie scene. What's your one movie you're embarrassed you haven't seen? Lion King? Not embarrassed. But people see. People get upset with the Wind.

[Simon Rex]

Based on Hamlet.

[Norman Reedus]

Speaking of farting.

[Simon Rex]

Hey.

[Norman Reedus]

All right, we're tying things.

[Simon Rex]

Passing wind. I like it. I feel like it's. I mean, it's fun. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

I don't think I've seen it either.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, what's.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got another P for you.

[Norman Reedus]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is when you're singing Happy Birthday with my niece. Everyone's singing Happy Birthday. There's always the person that goes, and many more.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

She's three. Why are we bringing her death into this? Yeah, I'm hoping she doesn't die.

[Norman Reedus]

That's what that. Yeah, you're wishing. And many more on Channel four. That's what we.

[Simon Rex]

And she's three. She's got many more.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's gonna be more. Way more. And by the way, if you do the and many more to someone who's like, 99, it's almost cruel.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

How many more did that person want?

[Simon Rex]

Good point. Right.

[Norman Reedus]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

Also, it shows the difference between white people and black Were right there. Happy birthday. How's the black birthday song go? Happy birthday to you. It's so much jazzier. Happy birthday to you. That's such a honky square dance. But they got Happy birthday.

[Norman Reedus]

I was at a restaurant last night, I hear happy birthday. I look over lovely black family singing happy birthday. They didn't do your version. They went white.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, is that right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, they went white restaurant.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Norman Reedus]

A Chinese restaurant called Tuxedo.

[Chris D'Elia]

There you go.

[Simon Rex]

If it's White Castle, who knows? But they got. They got their own anthem and their own birthday.

[Norman Reedus]

What's the anthem?

[Simon Rex]

The black national anthem they played at the Super Bowl. Oh, I didn't catch it. It was something with Drake. Okay. But yeah, they got. I just realized they have two songs of theirs.

[Norman Reedus]

Great.

[Simon Rex]

There you go.

[Norman Reedus]

Cheers.

[Simon Rex]

What a country. All right. You know my peeve. Tell this here, these restaurants where they order shrimp, they don't take the peel the. The tails off.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Infuriated.

[Simon Rex]

Get the tail out of there. You're already cooking it. You're. You're tossing the salad.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's no way to do it with a knife and fork, is it? You're making my fingers for.

[Simon Rex]

Good point, good point. You got to pick it up now. You're that guy.

[Norman Reedus]

It's the handle. Is that why they leave it?

[Simon Rex]

Handle? Ah, well, I want the fork. I got a salad going. What's with. Now I got to take the shrimp out, d ball it, put it back in, then eat it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I even. I'll give you. I'll tell you one further. I even get sometimes a little annoyed when someone hands you the skewer. Take it off the stick. Yeah, but no one's using it for the top.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, but it's a nice pull. You get a good pull. Yeah, you're right. After that, you gotta move.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're moving. It's fingers.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, you're right.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, we're using the fork. Get it all in there. No skewer, no tail.

[Chris D'Elia]

The tail really bugs me.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, you're already doing everything else. Just knock that off. All right.

[Norman Reedus]

Shrimp.

[Chris D'Elia]

They say people. Some people are very anti eating shrimp. They're like, oh, I love shrimp. Just like, when you look at what they look like, they're like the roaches of the same shrimp.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Like lobster.

[Simon Rex]

Sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

But they're good.

[Simon Rex]

They're great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Lobster used to be for, like, poor people, and then they decided to make it fancy. Now we're spending $88 a pound.

[Simon Rex]

What are we doing exactly I think lobster's overrated. I agree. Too much work.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's good you're spending that much money. I got to do all the work too.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Also, you dip anything in butter. I could dip my. My dad's dick in butter. It would taste good.

[Chris D'Elia]

I tried it. It's pretty good.

[Simon Rex]

There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

I salted it too.

[Simon Rex]

I can't believe it's not. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. Did I write down any peeves?

[Simon Rex]

All right, I got one more. Okay, how about this guy? The guy who has to let you know. You know, I. I type something on a text, and then I go, oh, I spelled. I didn't put day. I put say. So, like, oh, yeah. Oh, what say, is it coming out? And then I go up edit day. And he goes, oh. I say, oh, I saw it. I saw you made a mistake. I'm like, yeah, I edited it. He's like, I caught it. Say, say what? Say what again? What? Ain't no cut driver. Whatever. Like, we have to dwell on this now.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Why the iPhone has. There's one that always does for me because I text basketball a lot with my friends, and I always type in Giannis, the basketball player. G I, N. You know, G I, A, N, N I, s. Yeah. And it always types in Johnny. Apostrophe s. Johnny's.

[Simon Rex]

Johnny's PO Boys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I've known no one named Johnny with that spelling.

[Simon Rex]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

G, I. I'm never gonna say that.

[Simon Rex]

And then, hey, iPhone, after I corrected for the third time. Let's just keep it that way. Thank you. Stop re correcting me. You're mansplaining me with your iPhone. Yeah, so. Yeah. All right, so I hate the guy to let you know he caught the edit. Oh, what a detective here. We got Harriet the Spy in.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was the same person in the comments. Like, when you. When you type in the wrong thing. Yeah, I saw you up the first.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, same.

[Norman Reedus]

God forbid you unsend. Like, they freak out. Like, what did you unsend? Yeah, I actually know on the other end, you, like, what did I miss? Did they send a racist meme? Why did you guys get action figures? Who did that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Girl recently. She unsensomed them. Like, what was it like? Hoping it was a nude or something. Like, I missed it. I should have been on my phone. Simon told me to wake up and not look at it.

[Norman Reedus]

Is that real Joke World bracket champions or is that just for fun?

[Simon Rex]

That's real, baby.

[Norman Reedus]

What did you.

[Simon Rex]

Who. Who voted on that Joke World? The page, the channel.

[Norman Reedus]

Amazing.

[Chris D'Elia]

We've fallen hard since 23.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I blame Gary Vee.

[Norman Reedus]

No coincidence.

[Simon Rex]

I liked him, too. He was very.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm pulling for him.

[Chris D'Elia]

And unlike other guests so called influencers, he didn't ask for his episode to be removed.

[Mark Normand]

That's a peeve.

[Simon Rex]

That's a peeve and a half right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

We all got saucy. When I said that.

[Simon Rex]

Go, girl.

[Chris D'Elia]

I said it.

[Mark Normand]

So I got peeves that could pertain to somebody in the room.

[Chris D'Elia]

You don't know me. You got a peeve of someone in the room. It's me or Mark.

[Mark Normand]

That's true. So you have a friend who credit card swipes you or flicks you in the balls.

[Chris D'Elia]

Definitely Mark.

[Mark Normand]

And then you say something like, hey, do you mind? I'm having a little sensitivity. And then they'll say something. Hey, how was I supposed to know?

[Simon Rex]

I didn't do that.

[Mark Normand]

But I have to tell you not to flick me in the balls.

[Simon Rex]

You're supposed to know not to flick

[Mark Normand]

me in the balls.

[Simon Rex]

Nice. Flick your balls.

[Norman Reedus]

You've done it.

[Simon Rex]

That's odd.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're going to have a sexual harassment suit on this show.

[Simon Rex]

Old.

[Mark Normand]

That's old, Mark. Yes.

[Simon Rex]

I'll do a swipe, though.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Swipe. I still am a fan of. Because no one gets hurt. It's a victimless crime.

[Norman Reedus]

You know, white dogs.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cut to a lawsuit, no one gets hurt. Peters is like, I felt unsafe in the office.

[Norman Reedus]

No. Okay, here's a. A pet peeve. The little white dogs with the crust in their eye. Those disgusting little ones. Clean the eyes.

[Simon Rex]

What are we doing?

[Norman Reedus]

Why do we have to have the white dog with the crusty eyes?

[Chris D'Elia]

That's how we should torture terrorists. We should take the crust out from the eyes and stick it down their thro.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that'd be a good.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, there we go. Well, that's.

[Simon Rex]

That's a butthole.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, but. Same brown eye situation.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Holy. Yeah, the eye crust. Yeah. Why it's got to go.

[Norman Reedus]

Swipe it.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I'm with you. Give it a douche.

[Norman Reedus]

I think I wrote a couple down. Oh, yeah. What about this one? And I just did it. When you're talking to. They talk to you and you respond to someone, and then mid convo, they look at their phone as you're talking to them.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Norman Reedus]

It's rude.

[Simon Rex]

That's wild. I know what you mean. Coming.

[Norman Reedus]

You son of a.

[Simon Rex]

Of a. I. I like it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got another pet peeve.

[Simon Rex]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Afghan hounds. Look up these ghouls.

[Simon Rex]

Everything Afghani. Look at these ghouls all right.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, these are brutal.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, my God.

[Simon Rex]

That's what I called the guy bomb in New York.

[Chris D'Elia]

A brutal dog.

[Norman Reedus]

That's a. That. It looks like a human. You know what a bowser is?

[Chris D'Elia]

It looks like Sam Elliott in Roadhouse. It does.

[Simon Rex]

I was thinking Laura Dern.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes. Wait. You know, when someone looks like their dog, it's called a bowser, and some people look like their dogs, they call it a bowser. And that definitely looks like a human.

[Simon Rex]

That's Tilda Swinton right there.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes, it is.

[Simon Rex]

Holy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Those dogs, they freak me out. Dogs that look too human, like, freaking out too.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I don't like it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It does look like the wizard from Gandalf. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Gandalfini.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

All right, all right.

[Norman Reedus]

You covered the dogs.

[Simon Rex]

You had one that. You said something and I. I had a thing and I lost it. What did you say? I crust.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, you made convo text.

[Simon Rex]

Vid. Convo text. Yeah. Yeah, that's something.

[Norman Reedus]

People that overreact when you say you haven't seen a movie and they get upset at you, that's always annoying.

[Simon Rex]

I lost it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got a peeve.

[Simon Rex]

Okay, These.

[Chris D'Elia]

These influencers on Instagram who think they're like investigative journalists where they're like, did you know that McDonald's has 18 different ingredients in their fries and four different seed oils or oils or whatever. And you're just like, yeah, dude, it's McDonald's. What did you think we were doing here?

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

Have you ever eaten it and not felt like a piece of afterwards?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, that's.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're not breaking news.

[Simon Rex]

Yes. That's the gamble. That's the rub. We all know that you go to McDonald's, you're eating.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was like, my first hangover as a kid is McDonald's. Oh, because you're like, nine and your body can't process it.

[Norman Reedus]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah. Mine was candy. I'd go ape at Halloween.

[Norman Reedus]

I was like, dude, I used to be so addicted to the sour gummy straws that I would chew them and then spit out the gummy just to get the sour without digesting.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, you're an addict.

[Norman Reedus]

I know.

[Simon Rex]

Damn, that's dark.

[Norman Reedus]

It's dark. Dude, you tied your arm up when I smoked weed.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, on a spoon.

[Chris D'Elia]

Little fruit by the foot. Oh, I'm tie off.

[Norman Reedus]

Dude, I haven't smoked weed in years. And this morning I was at the Russian bath house, which I've invited you to, but you're like, I have a spa, but it's not the point. You go to the Russian bath house. You know, the Russian Turkish bathhouse?

[Chris D'Elia]

He'll clog whip that fucking prosthetic dick.

[Norman Reedus]

No, this place is the best. My buddy's the owner. So we get a little VIP open in the morning, and his buddy was smoking vape and he's like, oh, this is like blue ice. And I was like, oh, nicotine.

[Simon Rex]

Can I get a hit?

[Norman Reedus]

It was weed. I'm like, oh, no, I gotta go do the pod with the boys. And I smoked weed.

[Chris D'Elia]

Your eyes do look bloodshot.

[Norman Reedus]

But I didn't get stone. I went. I'm like, I'm 7% stoned.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, I've been there.

[Norman Reedus]

I don't smoke weed anymore. I was like. They're like, it's fine. It's sativa. I'm like, I haven't smoked in three and a half fucking years.

[Simon Rex]

No. No offense to the bath house, but I cannot relax. The whole thing is about relaxing and taking the edge off and all that. But I'm like, I'm jumping in cold water. There's giant fat men's dicks out. My dicks out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I can't relax.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, that's why you go in the morning when it's being clean. Ah, Clean and empty.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a wreck. Go places. Off hours. Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Off out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Go to. Go to dinner at five.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Or ten.

[Simon Rex]

Early bird.

[Chris D'Elia]

Go whenever it's not popping. I think. Go anywhere.

[Simon Rex]

Got it. Yeah, that's good. The airport. Empty.

[Chris D'Elia]

What are you pulling up, Salacus? Pulling up random bathhouse pictures.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I like a good. There's a. There's a wreck. A nice steam and a nice bath.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a natural high cold plunge after.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Did you. What?

[Simon Rex]

Did you.

[Norman Reedus]

What is that book that you keep pulling up? Did you. Is that an AI Fun thing?

[Mark Normand]

Yes. Like the one thing I produced in five years. It says, Simon's Rex.

[Simon Rex]

That's pretty good.

[Chris D'Elia]

I like it. Yeah, you come full of Rex, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you. You easy.

[Norman Reedus]

I do. Actually, I didn't.

[Simon Rex]

Boy, I rewatched Ray. That is a sad movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't realize it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Lost his brother, right?

[Norman Reedus]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Drowned in a bucket. Yeah. Crazy, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love the scene in that movie where I'm sure it didn't happen like this, but he comes up with Hit the Road Jack. Oh, yeah, that's great. Crazy kicking him out and it just hits him.

[Simon Rex]

Hit the road. Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

And don't you come.

[Norman Reedus]

You gotta say, I mean, Jamie Foxx box for what might be the most Talented all around guy in the game. Think about it. Singing stand up.

[Mark Normand]

Yep.

[Norman Reedus]

Acting Oscar worthy. Oscar winning performances. And now he's like hosting a game.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Simon Rex]

Like, dude, damn.

[Norman Reedus]

Have you ever hung out with him? He's like a cool dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I've never hung out with him.

[Simon Rex]

He actually come on here.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

No, but Ray, I never realized how sad it was because I saw it, you know, in 2002. Whatever it was. But. But he rides a bus from Florida to Seattle for an open mic.

[Norman Reedus]

We've all been there.

[Simon Rex]

I know, but.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm just kidding.

[Simon Rex]

I could read a magazine. I never thought about it. The guy's blind on a bus in the 40s just going. Right. I mean, you got no podcast, no radio.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's where the songs came from though, dude.

[Simon Rex]

I guess so.

[Chris D'Elia]

But you can't even look out the window.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You don't come up with Georgia just staring at an iPhone.

[Simon Rex]

I know, but you got to come

[Chris D'Elia]

up with you come.

[Norman Reedus]

He must have wrote that on the way from Florida.

[Simon Rex]

That's what I'm saying. Dead.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay. Did he go blind or. Born blind? What?

[Simon Rex]

He got lost when he was seven. A juvenile glaucoma. I looked it up now. And one eye was removed. O.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay, so.

[Chris D'Elia]

And one testicle.

[Norman Reedus]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hitler and his butthole. No, I'm kidding.

[Norman Reedus]

Because that would be worse. Is to go blind. Cuz you know what you're missing.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Born blind. You have no idea what you're missing.

[Simon Rex]

Ste. Go blind because now you can. You can picture your mom, picture your brother, picture your house. You can. It's got it all up here.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Either way it sucks.

[Norman Reedus]

You ever see those videos of the kids that are like, you know, almost blind and they put the glasses on and they can see.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's the most.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, that's the best video.

[Norman Reedus]

Break your heart. The kids that their dad is in the military.

[Chris D'Elia]

I can't deal with the cry porn.

[Simon Rex]

I love it. I don't like sad porn.

[Norman Reedus]

I want to feel something.

[Simon Rex]

That's all positive porn. Yeah. Yeah, that's.

[Norman Reedus]

That's why your algorithm feeds you. It makes you upset. It knows you're going to get mad and then you engage outrage wins. You never comment. Dude. I never comment. Something.

[Simon Rex]

Don't comment.

[Norman Reedus]

Never ever. I don't even want to hit a

[Chris D'Elia]

heart because I comment all the time. If I see a woman in bikini pic, I write. Nice.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're looking great.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Especially. Yeah. Those guys.

[Simon Rex]

You up? Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

When women. When hot women post pictures, it's all women comments.

[Simon Rex]

Of course. Well, a Man, liking a hot influencer is the same as thinking the stripper is gonna like you.

[Norman Reedus]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

You know? Right. What do you think? She's like, you go, hey, this Bob liked me. Let me look him up.

[Norman Reedus]

Same with politics. Politics. You think your politician likes you Is like thinking a stripper likes you. They don't give a.

[Chris D'Elia]

One of my best friends slid into an actress's DMs the other day. I'm like, what are you doing?

[Simon Rex]

What are you doing?

[Chris D'Elia]

At the same time, I'm like, you know what? Go for it.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I guess so. You never know.

[Chris D'Elia]

You never know. But I also win the lottery.

[Simon Rex]

That's true. And you might catch her at a vulnerable moment. Yeah, but also, I think people were so bored back in the day that if you asked a girl out, she was like, I'll go out with. With you. What else am I doing?

[Chris D'Elia]

But also, that's how you met. Now it's sure. The problem with these apps now is, like, you're. You're matching. There's too much choice. You're matching with someone. You're on a map, and you're like, match with someone in Copenhagen.

[Norman Reedus]

Right?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You used to only, like, meet your neighbors.

[Norman Reedus]

That's right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now you're like, now the world, it's. It's like going to the grocery store and having 4,000 tuna options. Even if you have a great tuna, you're like, there's got to be a better tuna.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Porn's the ultimate one.

[Norman Reedus]

Yep.

[Simon Rex]

I'm scrolling all day. I'm like, she's not perfect. Where. Where's the midgets? Where's the wheelchairs? Whatever.

[Norman Reedus]

Cheesecake Factory Factory panic attack.

[Simon Rex]

Exactly. Whereas my aunt would bend over, I'd see cleavage, and I was like, I'm good for a week.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But because that's all we had, we

[Norman Reedus]

had to use our imagination when we rubbed one out. I remember you'd get, like, the Mervin's catalog, and it would be like. You'd be like, give me. It's a visual.

[Simon Rex]

Love it.

[Norman Reedus]

And now you got.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's such boomer to be like before K. Be like, in my day, we had to think.

[Simon Rex]

We.

[Chris D'Elia]

To think about a.

[Norman Reedus]

There's a wreck. Rub one out to your imagination.

[Simon Rex]

That's impossible.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, you can do it.

[Simon Rex]

Those days are ruined.

[Chris D'Elia]

I can do it.

[Simon Rex]

Well, you think of all.

[Chris D'Elia]

It takes me four hours, but I can do it.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, exactly. Dick's chafed.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, there's a goof for the blind guy if he rubs one out and he never saw anything what's he. What does he even know he's missing or her?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, well, he. A lot of Ray Charles and he hates fat women.

[Norman Reedus]

You know, it doesn't even matter. Fat woman probably be better if you're.

[Simon Rex]

He didn't like it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Fat women are probably more offensive to a blind person because you can see the beauty in a heavier woman if you see it. But if you're just feeling. You're like.

[Simon Rex]

That's a good point. Because this could be a tit and that's a gut.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, it's like that movie Mask. The blind girl, like, touching his face. No, not that one. Rocky Dennis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, she's touching his face.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

I actually. When I worked at mtv, the actor who played. Who's gonna be in Back to the Future, what's his name, who played Eric.

[Chris D'Elia]

Eric Stoltz.

[Norman Reedus]

I remember when I worked as a VJ on mtv, he was a guest and I just did the worst joke joke as he was a guest. And I said, well, you look a lot better since mask. Bad joke, I admit. And he goes, ahaha. Real funny. They're like. And then I had to do the interview afterwards. He was not happy. It's like, dude, it's not even your real head.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, it's that it's not a good joke, but it's not that bad. And he has to be like, hey, you man. No, it was serious.

[Simon Rex]

Damn, Stoltz. He's got a tude, dude.

[Norman Reedus]

When I was at mtv, I remember Michael Jordan came in and Daisy Fuentes. Oh, Michael Jordan.

[Simon Rex]

Yes. Both her.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah. She was the hot Latina on MTV back 90s. And I remember I was hoping I'd get the interview with Michael, but she got it. And I go into that pre interview

[Chris D'Elia]

with, hey, you look a lot better since Space Jam.

[Norman Reedus]

No, hey. So I go into work that day, and I didn't work that day. I wanted to see Michael Jordan. I watched the interview. And then this is when he had his cologne. He had a cologne outfit. So after the interview was over, she. She gives me in her dressing room his clothes, cologne. She's here. I don't need this. And I'm spraying my wrist with it. As I'm spraying my wrist, Michael Jordan opens the door and looks at us and he thanks. Daisy goes, what do you think? And I freeze because it's Michael Jordan. And I go thumbs up to the listeners. I put my thumbs up. And she laughed at me. He laughed at me. I went beet red. I gave Michael Jordan the thumbs up. What do you say to Michael, that's not bad. I gave him a thumbs up.

[Simon Rex]

That's better than you ruined the movie Stolts or whatever you said.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah. You look better since Mask.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah. Bad. He could have said something about the wizards.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. The two people that I met at MTV that were, like, larger than life, it was Michael Jordan and Tupac.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I interviewed him. Yeah, that's online. It was a. Oh, there's the interview with Daisy.

[Simon Rex]

Did you. Did you shake hands? Did you touch him with Pac?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. You know what's funny is I remember we were. This was 1997. It was right before he passed away and I was in LA working.

[Chris D'Elia]

Although he didn't pass away. He got shot a bunch of times.

[Norman Reedus]

Wait, so technically, that's what got murdered?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

The doctor, like, unfortunately, he's passed. He's passed on. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

So I remember I. I was finished at work and I smoke a joint with my producer at mtv and Tupac arrives and, like, you got to interview him. And it's live with the red light on. And I go, dude, I can't. I'm too stoned. And they said, don't worry. So is he red light on? And I interview him, and I'm so uncomfortable. I'm looking at the floor the whole time. And he carries the interview you. And he mocks, does a white boy voice. He's like, hey, alrighty then. I'm Cyber Rex. Everybody want to make it. Everybody wants to get involved in everyone else's problem. I'm so high. No, no drama with a comma. Oh, my God, we got it going on.

[Simon Rex]

I got my man Buckshot, you know what I mean?

[Norman Reedus]

I got Smith and Wesson in here. Brooke got Greg ny, the whole boot camp. Representing boot camp and outlaws.

[Simon Rex]

We all just gonna team up and

[Norman Reedus]

just do this, right? We recognize a lot of other squash off that drama. Squash the J. Let's get back to making some. That's what I'm trying to do. I don't got any problem.

[Simon Rex]

Thanks, man.

[Norman Reedus]

I like your stuff too, man. You and Snoop are the homies, aren't you?

[Chris D'Elia]

Said you're good.

[Norman Reedus]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hey.

[Norman Reedus]

All righty, then. Well, we'll be back again with the homies. All right, Koolaid 96. Why don't you guys stick around for lots more fun? Two America's Most Wanted. Stay tuned.

[Simon Rex]

That's right.

[Norman Reedus]

I mean, that's kind of crazy.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, that's pretty wild.

[Chris D'Elia]

You have to say. The two of America's Most Wanted.

[Norman Reedus]

I mean, that was the song at the time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

[Simon Rex]

America's Most Wanted. Oh, God.

[Norman Reedus]

There was actually.

[Chris D'Elia]

You were skinny as. Oh, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

I still am. I think I've probably been 180 my whole life. Since I was seven.

[Simon Rex]

187.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. That was pretty crazy. Tupac. That was some legendary.

[Simon Rex]

That is crazy.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

You meet Tupac.

[Norman Reedus]

What's that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Who are you more nervous around?

[Norman Reedus]

Mj? I couldn't speak.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

Michael Jordan. I'm a big basketball guy. And he's like the word goat gets. There's another pet peeve. Everyone's the goat.

[Simon Rex]

No, there's one goat.

[Norman Reedus]

There's the greatest of all time.

[Chris D'Elia]

And everyone's king now, too.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And queen.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, what's that?

[Simon Rex]

It's mattresses. Oh.

[Norman Reedus]

You know the term unk?

[Simon Rex]

Unk is big.

[Norman Reedus]

I thought it was uncle. It is uncool.

[Mark Normand]

It's not uncool.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay, so how.

[Simon Rex]

Uncle.

[Mark Normand]

Black culture. It's uncle. It's been that way for 20 years.

[Norman Reedus]

I knew that. I was just testing you. Good job.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is our black culture correspondent. Actually, in African American culture, it means.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay, so chopped unk is like a blown out uncle.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Ugly.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, chopped is ugly. Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

I should listen to this. Hold on.

[Simon Rex]

This is good stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, there's a conspiracy theory that Stevie Wonder can see. Did you guys see this?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, of course. That's a big one. Everybody knows this one. He touches the microphone. He can find it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, so he's got some senses, you know?

[Mark Normand]

So watch this. This is Paul McCartney running by him in one of those things.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like gigs for that long. You know where the mic is?

[Mark Normand]

Well, the mic is falling and he catches it.

[Simon Rex]

It.

[Mark Normand]

So how can a blind guy do this?

[Norman Reedus]

Let's see.

[Chris D'Elia]

Daredevil.

[Simon Rex]

Can as Seinfeld.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

There he is. Stevie, catch.

[Chris D'Elia]

He just put his.

[Simon Rex]

I think he was just kind of clapping.

[Norman Reedus]

That's interesting. But

[Simon Rex]

don't know if he's getting 20s or ones.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, I wonder if he could see a little bit, like an outline.

[Mark Normand]

Or he. Maybe he felt someone running by him and he was reaching out to hold their hand in a mic.

[Norman Reedus]

He went to grab their dick.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, I.

[Mark Normand]

So he's a perv who can't see.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, Wonder. I'm not buying it.

[Norman Reedus]

No, I don't buy. Wonder is short for, like Wonder Schlossen or something is. What's his real name? No, it's not that. But what's Wonder? Wonder Bread. Anyway. Okay.

[Simon Rex]

Hardaway.

[Norman Reedus]

No way. Yeah. Judkins. Gotta go judge.

[Simon Rex]

That sounds like an Indian guy.

[Norman Reedus]

Wait, his Name's Stev.

[Simon Rex]

The Stevlin. Somebody miss. He misspelled that on a paper.

[Norman Reedus]

I was born in Saginaw.

[Simon Rex]

Saginaw. I didn't see that coming. Coming.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, that's a good wreck is that song. Saginaw, Michigan is a great song sung by Lefty Frizzell. Oh, dude, you know who Lefty Frazelle is?

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, he's amazing. He's kind of started. He was like a pioneer of country, I think. Like they say that a lot of like Hank Williams got. Took a lot from him. He was like the pioneer. And then there was another guy. Yeah, he was one of them. His doc. He's an unk chopped chop dunk, baby. Yes. Saginaw, Michigan. Great song. I've been listening to like old outlaw country. I never thought I'd get into it. That's where I'm at in life.

[Chris D'Elia]

I gotta get. Get into it.

[Simon Rex]

I can't keep up with your ADD man. You're all. It's like Stevie Wonder. Turkish Bath House. Tupac. Tupac Jordan.

[Chris D'Elia]

Two of America's most wanted. Yo.

[Simon Rex]

Come on.

[Chris D'Elia]

Players.

[Simon Rex]

Just the homies hanging out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dude. So you know what? I, I, I watched a movie that I should have seen that I'd never seen this week. Dunkirk. Amazing. You told me how good it was.

[Norman Reedus]

Great movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

I trusted Norman Rex.

[Simon Rex]

I.

[Chris D'Elia]

We talked about once. I was like, I gotta. I just end up buying it. And I was like, dude, you know what? It's amazing.

[Simon Rex]

It's so well done. It's so pretty.

[Norman Reedus]

What was the other one? 1970.

[Simon Rex]

I love that too.

[Norman Reedus]

War movie done right?

[Simon Rex]

Is nothing better tough to beat. Yeah, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

Because you don't feel. You don't feel guilty getting all misty eyed.

[Simon Rex]

These are kids.

[Norman Reedus]

You realize what we are.

[Simon Rex]

I know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, and how about Barry Keegan in this movie? Talk about a pussy.

[Simon Rex]

Dude.

[Mark Normand]

Death.

[Chris D'Elia]

Spoiler. Sorry. Everyone's in war. He falls down a flight of stairs.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a rough death.

[Simon Rex]

The staircase good.

[Norman Reedus]

He passed away.

[Mark Normand]

Assassinated.

[Simon Rex]

He was assassinated by this staircase.

[Chris D'Elia]

But that's a no. This movie is incredible.

[Norman Reedus]

Is that the one where the score goes. Yes, that score.

[Chris D'Elia]

Tom Hardy's a bad.

[Norman Reedus]

He's never not good. Tom Hardy. He never speaks, but it's got the licks dream role. Mad Max talk.

[Simon Rex]

Words that are in in a Hollywood history.

[Mark Normand]

But he's in a mask in as Bane. He's in a mask in this movie. He's in a mask in the one you just named.

[Norman Reedus]

He looks a lot better since mask. I hate Myself.

[Chris D'Elia]

Don't do that line to Tom Hardy. He knows jiu jitsu.

[Norman Reedus]

He does.

[Chris D'Elia]

He'll whoop your ass.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

He's a.

[Norman Reedus]

He's a real boy.

[Chris D'Elia]

This movie rocked, though. I got highest of Rex. I loved it. I was like, oh, man.

[Simon Rex]

Have you seen All Quiet on the Western Front?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I got to see that one.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, the remake is incredible. One of the best movies in the last 10 years, I'd say.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've been on a war kick lately.

[Simon Rex]

Me too. Love war. I ran.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. But yeah, I remember when I did Scary Movie three with Charlie Sheen. I was in my trailer watching Platoon just because I'm like, I'm working with Charlie Sheen. And I came out of my trailer, I'm like, dude, I'm watching Platoon. And he looks at me, goes, why? Why are you watching it? We're shooting a comedy.

[Simon Rex]

That's a good movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

I wanted to watch it. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

I did the same thing with Name Drop. Al Pacino. I did a movie with him recently, and I would go to my after work every day. I'd go watch an Al Pacino movie. Movie and come to work the next day and ask him questions. And he loved to talk. Did I already do this bit?

[Chris D'Elia]

No.

[Norman Reedus]

And I would ask him like, oh, I just watched Dog Day Afternoon when you. When you said Squirrel was at an improv. And he's like, yeah, I'm so glad you caught that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

He loved to talk about it. So I would do my homework every night, come to work the next day and talk about his movies. And he just loved it.

[Simon Rex]

I got to talk about Simone. He's like, ah, come on. What are you doing to me?

[Chris D'Elia]

He's working. He's working with Awesome.

[Norman Reedus]

I don't know if I said this story. Stop me if I have. But he took me to see stand up comedy. I think I told you guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

We went and saw Ali Wong.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, fun.

[Norman Reedus]

And he said, the last time I saw standup comedy was 1984. Who did you see? He said, rodney Danger. Like, why are we here?

[Chris D'Elia]

You should have just never seen one again.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Like, you went out on top.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

But I thought he was. Talk to him about standup and be. You know, bring you guys. You guys know. He. But he was out of the loop.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was he a fan, though?

[Norman Reedus]

He hated you guys.

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Norman Reedus]

Of Red Rocket.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is that what you said of Rodney Daniel?

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He was.

[Simon Rex]

He called.

[Norman Reedus]

I couldn't believe what I. I had.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's got selective hearing. Do you like. Do you like Rodney? You like my Movie? Yes, my movie.

[Norman Reedus]

Because he said to me, I remember when I went to meet him before, we went to Shui at dinner, and he put his hand on my knees like Red Rocket. Incredible work.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Norman Reedus]

I was like, that's pretty cool. He did his homework.

[Simon Rex]

He's a little guy, right?

[Norman Reedus]

Little guy.

[Simon Rex]

Just had another kid.

[Norman Reedus]

Had another kid. And 82, I believe 84. He had his 84th birthday on set, and we sang Happy Birthday to him. And then someone said, and many more.

[Simon Rex]

Who did you say?

[Chris D'Elia]

I call back.

[Simon Rex]

Work.

[Norman Reedus]

Say again.

[Simon Rex]

Who did you say? You said something before Pacino, and it sparked something. Then I. And then you went on to Pacino.

[Norman Reedus]

He just had great stories. And then he said, but who was

[Simon Rex]

he talking about before that? Oh.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

It's gone. This is why I. I think that I lose it. No, before Pacino.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, Charlie Sheen.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, Platoon.

[Norman Reedus]

Platoon.

[Chris D'Elia]

Why didn't Sheen come on here? He did a whole press tour.

[Norman Reedus]

I nudged him, too, because I know how much I want him. And he goes, dude, this is what he said. He goes, the train. Something about the train is just needs to be back in the station. Meaning he's exhausted. I think he's over potted.

[Chris D'Elia]

We saw him on something. I was like, oh, come on.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Well, what a legend. He actually did. When I did a podcast, I asked him to do it. He's like, dude, everybody asks me to do a podcast. He goes, but for you, I'll do it. And then he did mine. He's like, I just opened up the gates. Now everyone wants me. And he didn't do them for years until his recent documentary came out, which was amazing, by the way. There's a wreck when he's flying the plane in the beginning. Are you kidding? Yes, he's flying the plane. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't care for that. As if I was a passenger.

[Norman Reedus]

I know, right?

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like, maybe don't let that happen. Maybe don't be that seduced by celebrity.

[Simon Rex]

But even my. I was watching with my wife, she's like, damn, he's charming. She's like, I totally get it.

[Norman Reedus]

No, he's a great dude, man.

[Simon Rex]

And Denise Richards stole the show, if you ask me. Making sandwiches for hookers.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, that.

[Norman Reedus]

I mean, come on. What a champ.

[Simon Rex]

Keep.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, yeah.

[Simon Rex]

But they're done now. She's.

[Norman Reedus]

Talk about too many options on the menu. That was his.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, he flipped the menu over.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's right.

[Simon Rex]

There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm good with my options on the menu in all aspects of Life.

[Norman Reedus]

Has anyone thrown up on the show?

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're gonna throw it up?

[Norman Reedus]

No, but I just thought when I burp, that was. Made me think. I wonder.

[Simon Rex]

Not yet. It's coming.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, is this your. This is like the green room in Rogan's club. The smelling salt.

[Simon Rex]

That'll wake you up.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do we have those?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, you got them. I went to the green room. Oh, I got a funny story. I got a funny story. Shane. I was hanging with Shane. Shane Gillis down in Named up down in Austin. And he brought me to the green room at the mothership, which I guess is like the sacred, you know, situation. And I remember the. Dude, there was all these sandwiches cut up from like a local deli. And I was eating like these little, you know, sliced out wedges. And then I see like a full sandwich sitting on the counter and I almost went to eat it and then Rogan comes in and it's his sandwich. I almost ate Rogan sandwich in his greenhouse.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's like in Sandler's green room.

[Norman Reedus]

Dude. It would have been so funny. Like I'm. I'm like, the new sandwiches, I don't remember.

[Simon Rex]

I'm sure it was elk meat or some crazy saber tooth tiger sandwich.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's made out of elephant or something.

[Simon Rex]

Dolphin. Yeah, it's. It's Hinchcliff's ass. Yeah. Who knows what it is? But yeah, that's a. It's a fun club.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, it was. They did a good job. It very much had the aesthetics of like the seller and the store had like a vibe of.

[Simon Rex]

Sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, took the smelling salts in there and I think did it way too close.

[Simon Rex]

It hurts.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I remember, I remember. And Joe just like called to me like, are you okay? I'm like, this is embarrassing.

[Simon Rex]

As I was deathly hung over and I hit it and I gotta tell you, it cured the hangover. But it hurt.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh yeah, it hurt.

[Simon Rex]

It's like just. You just clear.

[Chris D'Elia]

I. Sometimes I think it's just like, did it cured or are you just in other pain?

[Simon Rex]

Maybe that's it.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's literally like. Like you're like, I'm. I'm hungover and someone kicks you in the nuts and you're like, I'm not thinking about my head right now.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, it's a. Another bad thing.

[Simon Rex]

Right, Right.

[Norman Reedus]

It's an override. You guys look like doing stand up there. It's a good spot.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've been there in a minute, but I had a good time.

[Norman Reedus]

So there's this Austin Is this like a friendly beef? Like, the Austin comedy scene's better than the New York one. Like, what the.

[Simon Rex]

We don't.

[Norman Reedus]

We don't clock.

[Chris D'Elia]

We don't. We clock into our drinking podcast and go up at the Cellar and don't give a. About made up Twitter.

[Simon Rex]

We're not thinking about it. But I will say Austin. No. No income tax. Is that their thing? Thing? That's pretty good. They beat us on the taxes, I'll give them that. But the comedy, Come on, it's a state.

[Norman Reedus]

Taxes.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's not the city.

[Simon Rex]

All right, well, the state of Texas has us on that, but that's about it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Most states have us on that.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, is that right?

[Norman Reedus]

I mean, yeah, compared to New York, California, it's crazy. Taxes, Texas coincidence. I'm just saying.

[Simon Rex]

Dallas dollars.

[Norman Reedus]

That's the conspiracy theory. Mind. There's no coincidences. Oh, I got it. Can I plug another movie?

[Simon Rex]

And they had a shooter in Austin.

[Norman Reedus]

I got another.

[Simon Rex]

Finally. I got killed.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, another. Wait, another one?

[Mark Normand]

No, same one.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay. I have a movie called Toe. I did, that's out this month. Rose Byrne, who's having a moment. It's a true story about.

[Chris D'Elia]

Tarantino is excited for this one. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

It's a movie about a woman who lives in her car. The car gets towed.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, never mind.

[Norman Reedus]

I think he's into it.

[Simon Rex]

That's the premise.

[Norman Reedus]

And the whole movie is about her trying to get her car back. And it's like a heartfelt, sweet little movie called Tower Toe. There it is.

[Simon Rex]

Yep.

[Norman Reedus]

Toe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. Look who's in it.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, that. Yeah. Great cast.

[Simon Rex]

Beautiful cast. Wow. She's very.

[Norman Reedus]

Rose Burns. The best. She's like, great actress.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Great actors. Australian.

[Simon Rex]

I didn't know that.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Boy, look at you, huh?

[Norman Reedus]

You guys know who Rachel Ward is?

[Simon Rex]

No.

[Norman Reedus]

You remember her? She was in like, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. She was in, like.

[Mark Normand]

Great.

[Norman Reedus]

There's a wreck. Men Don't Wear Black.

[Chris D'Elia]

Steve Martin Premise.

[Norman Reedus]

Humphrey Bogart acting. Yeah, great idea.

[Simon Rex]

Merv Griffin.

[Chris D'Elia]

Merv Griffin.

[Simon Rex]

Well, look at the knobs on.

[Norman Reedus]

She was the hottest dude.

[Simon Rex]

Good golly.

[Norman Reedus]

And yeah, she. And then I did a TV show on Australia and she was on the show and I was like, starstruck. I'm like, oh, my God. That was like when I was a kid. I remember it was like her and Jessica Lang were why I started liking girls when I was like, seven, Rachel Ward was so hot. And there was an actor on the set who was American, who was sober, and we went for a drink after he's like, oh, I've been sober four years. And she's like, oh, you Americans just have a beer and shut the up.

[Simon Rex]

Whoa. That's even hotter. Uhhuh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Norman Reedus]

She was like, breaking his balls for being sober.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

She was hot. Look at those melons. I mean, she could nurse Wyoming. I stole that from Jay Leno, believe it or not.

[Simon Rex]

What?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I sure Jay Leno say that. And I've been using it since. Since 1989.

[Simon Rex]

Damn.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm what you call a hack is a hack. Somebody that steals is that hack is usually. Oh, I'm a hack.

[Chris D'Elia]

Just tread it on.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, right, right. Sorry, I'm throwing off by the. By the glutes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. How am I supposed to focus right now? You're the most ADD guest of all time. You're showing tits. I'm losing it here.

[Simon Rex]

I'm still on dudkirk. I can't keep up.

[Norman Reedus]

Jessica Lang to too. She was hot.

[Simon Rex]

Lang.

[Chris D'Elia]

She was really hot.

[Simon Rex]

Wow. Wait. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. I have good taste in women.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's so weird to compliment yourself, but that's that. Everyone has good taste to themselves.

[Simon Rex]

Who are some women you. Some celebrities you've slept with?

[Norman Reedus]

Well, this one's public information, so it's no big deal. I dated Jamie Presley. Lovely woman.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, very attractive.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. This was back in the 2000. I want to say we did a TV show together.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

And I remember we started dating, and I remember the network saying, okay, we can't tell you guys not to date, but please just don't bring your to work, basically.

[Simon Rex]

All right.

[Norman Reedus]

And a couple times we brought our to work. Oh, there we go.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, look at that face. Machi. Thank you.

[Norman Reedus]

I've been working out.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. And, well, can I ask you Scary Movie six? Yeah, I know. You're not in it.

[Norman Reedus]

Right.

[Simon Rex]

Sorry. No, but you're part of the franchise, guys. And it's the most viewed trailer of all time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really?

[Simon Rex]

Yes. So people are craving comedy movies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good.

[Norman Reedus]

I love it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Look like you're in Leave it the Beaver here. This is crazy.

[Simon Rex]

That's a hunk. It's a Lang story.

[Chris D'Elia]

This is crazy.

[Simon Rex]

Holy moly.

[Norman Reedus]

You can see how Jessica Lang led to that, right?

[Mark Normand]

That's why I put them together.

[Norman Reedus]

Thank you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Very good.

[Simon Rex]

Wait, are they related?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, no.

[Norman Reedus]

It's funny. Normally I'm more into Latinas for anyone out there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Really?

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Big booty Latina. Come on. Oh, I mean, give me me a Puerto Rican or some Origin of Latina Bad bunny. Yep. But wait, where Was I was about to say something.

[Chris D'Elia]

We can't keep up.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. By the way, Cardi B just got rid of her bbl. Wow. Really? Yeah, she took it out.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Simon Rex]

End of an era, got deported.

[Chris D'Elia]

This whole episode feels like a poem. A poem?

[Simon Rex]

What's a poem?

[Chris D'Elia]

A poem like Cardi B got it for BBL.

[Simon Rex]

Happening. Dr. Seuss.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, my God. She got rid of it, huh?

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah. Oh, what a nerd. Look at this. She's nothing.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like America. You always. You always hear about it coming out. You never see. Hear about a coming in. Right.

[Simon Rex]

It's like an image trailer.

[Norman Reedus]

Scary Movie 6 looks funny. I'm happy that Anna Faris is doing it. She should be. So. Yeah. What happened? Scary Movie was. I did. So the 1. The Wayans created the franchise and they did 1 and 2. And then there was some disagreement with the Wine Weinsteins. So I think the Weinsteins then took the franchise and they hired David Zucker, naked gun legend. Zucker hired me. I auditioned for him and I got the part. I probably wouldn't have got it if it was the Wayans.

[Chris D'Elia]

They.

[Norman Reedus]

Zucker liked me. So I think they associate me with 3, 4 and 5. Like I'm part of the Zucker thing. And they're like. So I was not invited to six, but I'm rooting for it. It looks hilarious and I'm glad comedies are being made. And back. It looks.

[Chris D'Elia]

You were hilarious in three days.

[Simon Rex]

Thanks, man. That was fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

I mean, Vitor used to pull up that clip of when you're. Pull up the. She's dead.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. That was the audition scene.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, really?

[Norman Reedus]

And I had to wrap like Eminem.

[Chris D'Elia]

She's dead.

[Simon Rex]

This is just hanging with the homies.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. Oh, God, dude. Why did I ask to pull that up?

[Simon Rex]

I know.

[Norman Reedus]

That was pretty cringe.

[Simon Rex]

You look great, though.

[Norman Reedus]

I felt great.

[Chris D'Elia]

You look good, man.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. You got a good jawline.

[Norman Reedus]

Thanks.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, here it is, right?

[Simon Rex]

This is above grade here.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's not it. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, you got to get the whole clip. That's just.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, Charlie.

[Chris D'Elia]

There it is.

[Simon Rex]

There she blows.

[Norman Reedus]

Funny movie, man. It holds up. Yes, of course. I'll tell her. Thank you.

[Simon Rex]

Where'd you shoot this?

[Norman Reedus]

Vancouver. Ah, Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's. She's dead.

[Chris D'Elia]

I better tell her.

[Norman Reedus]

No, no, no, I can do it. Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. This is where the listeners tune out.

[Simon Rex]

Sue. Yes.

[Norman Reedus]

You know your teacher, Ms. Brenda?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

She's dead.

[Simon Rex]

Gone forever.

[Norman Reedus]

Horrible, painful death. Gone, gone, gone. Just like your dog. My dog's?

[Simon Rex]

Dead.

[Norman Reedus]

I just ran him over with the

[Simon Rex]

car when I drove around him.

[Norman Reedus]

Everyone you love around you is dying a beat.

[Simon Rex]

How did you audition for that? That's a hard role. Yeah, that's real acting.

[Norman Reedus]

Zucker was so specific about his. So he has the thing called the 15 rules of comedy, which you have to abide by in all of his movies. And some of them are, like, he has a whole formula and actually just did his podcast, and he has, like, a writing workshop. He has students that he teaches. His formula of writing, of how to tell a story and do jokes, and he has 15 rules of comedy. You could look that up. It's really interesting. So you have to do his playbook when you're. It's almost like a coach with a playbook. Playbook. And. And he's very specific. Like, no, you need to come up exactly here and be like, he's the best. I've been hanging with Zucker lately. We screened scary movie 3 in a movie theater in LA like, a few months ago, and the crowd was singing all the lines along with held up like, it's still funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Everyone you love around you is dying. It's good stuff.

[Norman Reedus]

You know who wrote the movie is Craig Mason. He's the guy who did Chernobyl Noble.

[Simon Rex]

Wow.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, he also did that newer show, the Last of Us.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, comedy tragedy.

[Norman Reedus]

But he comes from there. He is. He wrote Scary Movie 3. Pretty opposite of Chernobyl in the Last of Us. Hangover 3.

[Simon Rex]

Wow. This guy's got a. Yeah, yeah. A lot of range.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think Nick Offerman talked about him on the. When we were talking about Last of Us maybe.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Oh, it looks like he did two as well.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah. Oh, Hangover, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Damn.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Talented kids. Cat. Cat Williams. Cat Stevens. All right, well, it was nice to make you two genuinely laugh.

[Simon Rex]

That was an authentic laugh.

[Norman Reedus]

Two funniest guys laugh.

[Simon Rex]

Mason's writing.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, that's R. Zucker's directing.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, man. Wow. So when's this new movie come out?

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, so toe comes. I don't know when. This airs March 20th in theaters, and then Operation Taco Gary's will be streaming on the 24th. That's the one there. Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

And streaming where?

[Norman Reedus]

Apple? Amazon?

[Simon Rex]

4chan.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, 4chan. Oh, baby.

[Mark Normand]

So can we do a little Oscar

[Chris D'Elia]

talk before we sign off?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, we should do a little Oscar. We tried to, but we just swerved in a snowstorm.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, your pal Stavros, he's not

[Chris D'Elia]

nominated, but good movie. I thought Stop killed it.

[Simon Rex]

He did great he did great. He held his own.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesse Plemons. He didn't get nominated.

[Norman Reedus]

That was his. Well, I don't know if it's a snub, but he did great. You know, it's funny. Taco Gary's is like a comedy version of that movie. It's about an insane conspiracy theorist. Very similar movie in the premises around the insanity of some of these people.

[Simon Rex]

Very timely.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes. But Bon was great, man. And Stavros killed it.

[Simon Rex]

Killed it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. He held his own with one of the best actors in the world.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

I just love that the backstory was that he molested him.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And they just gloss over.

[Simon Rex]

I know. But in a fun way.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's like, oh, yeah, Yeah. I felt bad.

[Norman Reedus]

Sorry about what I did here.

[Simon Rex]

Then he get his head cut off with an axe or something.

[Norman Reedus]

Spoiler alert.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, sorry.

[Chris D'Elia]

There's a lot of spoilers in this episode, I guess.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, boy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Norman Reedus]

He had his head bashed in with a shovel.

[Simon Rex]

That was it.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

That's a cool way to go.

[Norman Reedus]

Yes, it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

You knew he was gonna die in that scene, too. You just know it's coming.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Look at him.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Any other Oscar movies?

[Simon Rex]

Sinners is up. The Sitters is up for like 9 million awards.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah. I think I had the most nominations in the history of the Academy Awards. But often what happens when it's nominated the most? They don't usually win a lot. It's a weird thing. That's like, a fact.

[Simon Rex]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Because you're splitting. You're like, I'm going to vote here, but not vote here. And everyone does the same thing.

[Simon Rex]

And all they vote. They're all over the table.

[Chris D'Elia]

Roulette. You get too much, they're just like, it'll get something. And then they vote for nothing. Maybe.

[Simon Rex]

And then one battle.

[Norman Reedus]

Of course, one battle is probably going to. It feels like that one's going to.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't see Train Dreams or Hamnet. I know people who like them a lot. Both that I didn't.

[Norman Reedus]

Haven't seen Hamnet. But Train Dreams is good. It's heavy, but very well made. Same guys that did Sing Sing, which was a great movie. If you haven't seen. That's a wreck. Great movie.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah. Hamnet. What the hell is that title?

[Norman Reedus]

So I think it's like. It's isn't. It's a Shakespearean story. But why is it called Hamnet?

[Chris D'Elia]

Because he loses his son.

[Simon Rex]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

I thought it was a town. I don't know.

[Norman Reedus]

But what you catch a pig in?

[Simon Rex]

These are You.

[Mark Normand]

These are the nominated for best picture. The Oscars are tonight night. Let's see how you do the night F1 got nominated.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Frankenstein was too hot. He can't make the monster sexy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

And the girl was into him. Which just shows, you know, we would like a tall guy.

[Norman Reedus]

They like a big monster.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

He probably got Frankenstein. Got a big dick. He has to.

[Simon Rex]

He has to.

[Norman Reedus]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

All prosthetic, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Frankenstein.

[Norman Reedus]

Frankenstein, hamnet. There's a lot of meat. What else do we got?

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. That's Supreme. Marty Supreme Pizza.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, there we go. Bon Bolognia.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. Okay.

[Norman Reedus]

Marty Supreme Pizza. Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus.

[Simon Rex]

I don't like myself. Sinner. Dinner. Ah, me. I just put a gun.

[Mark Normand]

So pick one. Each one. Pick one just for.

[Chris D'Elia]

For best picture. Yeah. I think's going to win or that

[Mark Normand]

you think is going to win.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think one battle is going to win.

[Norman Reedus]

I think so too.

[Simon Rex]

I got to go different just cuz you two queefs picked it. So I'm going to go curveball. Marty Supreme.

[Mark Normand]

I agree.

[Chris D'Elia]

I just think it's like. It's all about like whose time it is.

[Norman Reedus]

Exactly. Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like you never win when you're. When you're like. Not necessarily. This isn't a good movie. It is a really good movie. But like, you know, one for like. Yeah. Son of a woman.

[Norman Reedus]

They owe it to. There's a point where they owe you one.

[Simon Rex]

Training Day.

[Norman Reedus]

They owe pta.

[Chris D'Elia]

Not Hurricane. Training Day. Right. And then. Yeah. Departed for Scorsese.

[Simon Rex]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like.

[Norman Reedus]

Right.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like it's his time.

[Norman Reedus]

It's the body of work.

[Simon Rex]

He's absolutely saying Paul Thomas is over.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Because I think you can only get snubbed so many times. And he did like Boogie Nights and Magnolia. There Will Be Blood.

[Norman Reedus]

Because it's not his best movie by far.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't think so.

[Norman Reedus]

He's owed one. Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. PTA meeting.

[Chris D'Elia]

I liked it a lot.

[Mark Normand]

This is a knife fight.

[Norman Reedus]

Meeting.

[Mark Normand]

This is a knife fight.

[Simon Rex]

This is a knife fight. A lot of honkies in there too. All right.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm leaning Leo. I'm sticking with it.

[Simon Rex]

I might go Hawkeye.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah.

[Simon Rex]

Shalom. Out with that ballet comment.

[Chris D'Elia]

I'm. I think Ethan Hawk should. Should win it, in my opinion.

[Simon Rex]

But actually I'm gonna go Michael B.

[Chris D'Elia]

He was great. I like them all. I haven't seen the Secret Agent, but.

[Norman Reedus]

Me neither.

[Chris D'Elia]

But I've seen the other four and I. I probably go Hawk. But they're all.

[Norman Reedus]

They're all great actor. Sean Penn. He's gonna win.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, I think you're right. He killed it. Although Delroy's got the N word stink on him from the Tourettes.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think Stellan Skarsgar should win. Win it.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, we're not talking mental value. We're talking who will.

[Norman Reedus]

That's my favorite movie of the year.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that movie.

[Norman Reedus]

Incredible.

[Chris D'Elia]

He killed it.

[Norman Reedus]

That movie was incredible.

[Chris D'Elia]

Inga I. Lindo is pretty good in. In Sinners too.

[Simon Rex]

He's always good.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's always. He's another.

[Norman Reedus]

The guy that shows up at the house.

[Simon Rex]

The old guy played the.

[Chris D'Elia]

He always brings the heat, that guy.

[Norman Reedus]

Which guy?

[Chris D'Elia]

Delroy Lindo.

[Simon Rex]

You've seen him.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's in everything.

[Simon Rex]

It's shorty. Yeah, sure.

[Mark Normand]

And last one, guys. That was best supporting.

[Chris D'Elia]

Supporting. Who is it?

[Mark Normand]

Let's see. Best actress.

[Norman Reedus]

I'm going. Rose Byrne. Just.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, kisses. All right, here we go. I'm going. Emma Stone.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I'm going.

[Simon Rex]

Or she won already.

[Norman Reedus]

One, two.

[Simon Rex]

All right, I don't think they're gonna.

[Chris D'Elia]

Renata vinesvae. I'm going from Sentimental Value. She was great. I loved her in the other one too. What's it called? The Norwegian one In the world.

[Norman Reedus]

Same director. Love that movie. Yeah, I like this one a little better. That guy knows how to make.

[Chris D'Elia]

I like that one a little bit.

[Norman Reedus]

Really? That's what a lot of people say, but I love.

[Chris D'Elia]

I thought they were both. I think Sentimental Value is a great movie.

[Norman Reedus]

Great movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great ending.

[Simon Rex]

Is it on streaming?

[Norman Reedus]

Probably.

[Simon Rex]

I gotta see this movie. Yeah, everybody's raving.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, we gave you a little Oscar at the end.

[Simon Rex]

All right. Wait, who's best? Oh, you said.

[Chris D'Elia]

Do we do best supporting actress, or do we.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, we got to do the ladies.

[Norman Reedus]

Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

Chauvinist pig salicies.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, this is good tequila.

[Simon Rex]

Thank you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Best supporting actress.

[Simon Rex]

I don't.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know who's nominated for any of it, so I see this.

[Norman Reedus]

Okay. Amy Maddick. Oh, I loved Amy Madigan.

[Chris D'Elia]

I liked her.

[Norman Reedus]

That was awesome.

[Chris D'Elia]

She was awesome.

[Simon Rex]

What a performance.

[Norman Reedus]

And they never give it to a horror movie.

[Simon Rex]

She's the old scary lady, right? Yeah, she was great. But she won the Golden Globe.

[Norman Reedus]

Did she? Yeah, she did the. Which is a sign that she.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, she's my pick. I think she.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, I haven't seen all the other ones, so it's hard to say, but

[Chris D'Elia]

Tiana Taylor's great, but she' only in it for, like, 20 minutes.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, they can still win, though. Mosa. Wait. Mou. Okay.

[Norman Reedus]

All right, well, I apologize if I hog the mic again, but I don't

[Chris D'Elia]

know what I'm doing.

[Simon Rex]

No, it's fun to try to keep up. It wasn't easy.

[Norman Reedus]

It's fun.

[Simon Rex]

I had, like, nine things and I lost them all.

[Mark Normand]

This is where Mark is.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, when's this come out?

[Mark Normand]

Oh, Oscars tonight, Sunday.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, but what night is tonight?

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

March something.

[Simon Rex]

All right, Come on by Austin. Creek in the Cave. I'm doing a quick drop in after some pods. I'm doing crazy promo for the special, which comes out. Oh, yeah, comes out the 17th.

[Norman Reedus]

Can't wait.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, dude.

[Norman Reedus]

Cannot wait.

[Simon Rex]

Dang, it's a phone. You saw one of my worst performances of all time. The Fat Black. Yeah. Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

Wait, what?

[Simon Rex]

Remember, you came and showed up to be a supportive friend, and I ate for an hour. It was just not my crowd.

[Norman Reedus]

Where and when?

[Simon Rex]

It's like, I don't know. Seven months ago at the Fat Black at the Cellar. Huh? And you were twitching and twerking.

[Norman Reedus]

Very forgettable.

[Simon Rex]

You were just dying to get out of there.

[Norman Reedus]

I hope I didn't rub off the badge.

[Simon Rex]

No, no. I feel horrible the whole time. Like, what's going on with this crowd?

[Chris D'Elia]

New Netflix special.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah.

[Norman Reedus]

That's amazing. Congrats, dude.

[Simon Rex]

Thanks, man. Thanks, man. It's exciting.

[Norman Reedus]

Big deal.

[Simon Rex]

Keep going. Keep going.

[Mark Normand]

Come see me. Portland.

[Simon Rex]

That's awesome. Providence.

[Norman Reedus]

Fun town.

[Simon Rex]

Great town.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great town.

[Simon Rex]

Fort Lauderdale. Chattanooga. Raleigh, Louisiana, at the Netflix Fest. Ontario, Nuvo. Brunswick. Spokane. Yeah. Philly and Milwaukee, baby.

[Chris D'Elia]

I got two things on my calendar right now. I'm gonna add some soon, but I'm. I'm chilling. I just taped the special in Tampa. Very happy with it. Working on the old edit. You were there? Salamanca. And then we got. Yeah. May 7th. Netflix is a joke fest. Where am I? Oh, yeah. Where am I?

[Norman Reedus]

I'm gonna come bother you, Lisbon.

[Mark Normand]

And you're at the United theater on Broadway, May 7th in Los Angeles.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. With a few friends. Jordan Jensen, Joe List, Rachel Feinstein. We're gonna have a lot of fun. And then Lisbon, Portugal, August 30th. And I'm gonna add some more Euro dates, so.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, you got it. You're all the way over there. I'm Lisbon. I've never been to Portugal. Sounds like a beautiful.

[Simon Rex]

It's unbelievable.

[Norman Reedus]

By the way, Jordan Jensen. I gotta say, her special. Wow. I laughed out loud a lot. We had. We did a pod here with her one day. Yes, she is a funny.

[Simon Rex]

Oh, yeah, she's great.

[Chris D'Elia]

Love it.

[Norman Reedus]

So that's my last wreck. And then I'M I'm done.

[Simon Rex]

All right, T. Rex.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, baby. We're sorry you didn't get that other guest. But we're also not sorry because you got Simon Red.

[Simon Rex]

Yeah, big upgrade. Because that other one wasn't great anyway.

[Norman Reedus]

Yeah, he stuck Lefty Frazelle.

[Simon Rex]

There you go, Lefty. Oh, wait. We gotta pay for that. Got it. Got it. Jesus Christ.

[Norman Reedus]

How many seconds do you get? I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

It's supposed to be seven seconds.

[Norman Reedus]

Oh, then we're good.

[Simon Rex]

Okay. Okay. Oh, there it is. Oh, you're really pushing it. All right, all right, all right.

[Chris D'Elia]

We got sued.

[Simon Rex]

All right. Thanks, playboy.

[Norman Reedus]

Thanks, boys. Sunday's the day for my next bender? A bit of people reckon I the beer Jew's close, I've had a little too much burping? And Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke? And I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like a Cops coming? And naked Samuel is feeling dangerous? I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans? This woman doesn't look like I remember? And I get down in the same way? We might be true?

[Chris D'Elia]

Stitch Fix Shopping is hard.

[Norman Reedus]

Let's talk about it.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't have time to shop, so I buy all my clothes where I buy my seafood.

[Norman Reedus]

I just want someone to tell me what shirt goes with what pants.

[Simon Rex]

I just want jeans to have fit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Stitch Fix makes shopping easy. Just show your size, style and budget. And your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. No subscription required, plus free shipping and returns.

[Simon Rex]

Man, that was easy. I look good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Stitch Fix Online personal styling for everyone. Take your style quiz today@stitch fix.com.