Kevin Nealon - Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Summary

We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Episode: Kevin Nealon

Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Guest: Kevin Nealon
Release Date: May 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into Kevin Nealon’s storied comedy career, particularly his pivotal years at SNL, his connections in the comedy world, and life on and offstage. The conversation touches on the evolution of stand-up, legendary comics and celebrities, behind-the-scenes SNL anecdotes, and the camaraderie and politics of showbiz. The episode is full of wry humor, sharp asides, and the hosts’ signature fast-paced banter—offering both comedy fans and comedy geeks an inside-view into the creative minds behind modern American comedy.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Bartending at The Improv & LA Comedy Scene

[00:19 – 03:55]

• Kevin reminisces about bartending at The Improv in 1980.

  • Saw legends like Robin Williams (still in his Mork & Mindy suspenders), Andy Kaufman, Jay Leno, Richard Lewis, Timothy Leary, Roy Scheider, Bob Fosse.
  • On serving drinks:
    "I befriended the regular bartender... I got one of those Boston bartender guides, and kept it under the bar. I thought the more alcohol you put in it, like, the college mentality, people would love it, right? But a lot of times they come back, 'hey, can you give me another glass, like, full of soda water so I can make this a regular drink?'" [01:13 – 01:21]

• Celebrity orders:

  • Richard Lewis always ordered a white wine and tipped $2.
    "He always leave me a $2 tip." [02:04]
  • Remembering the energy in the room, the packed crowds, and the feeling of “buzz”:
    "That room, you could feel it pulsing, it was just so crazy." [02:26]

2. Classic SNL: The Good Old Days

[03:56 – 09:33]

• On Pryor & SNL:
  • Pryor didn’t frequent Improv, but would do sets at The Comedy Store.
  • Pryor’s process:
    "He wouldn’t have anything, you know, he'd just develop it. Come back three weeks later, whole act." [03:46]
• The small world of 70s/80s stand-up:
  • "Back then, there was only like 50 comics... You would know everybody's act." [04:05, 04:29]
  • Discussed the changing diversity in comedy:
    "Suddenly, not just Italians, Jews, Irish, Blacks... now it’s every nationality..." [04:05]
• Early SNL politics and tenure:
  • Kevin was on SNL for nine years, initially one of the longest runs.
  • The Weekend Update era:
    "Before that I was just doing sketches and characters... Then Lorne put me at Weekend Update." [05:36, 05:51]

3. Weekend Update & SNL Writing Grind

[05:36 – 10:30]

• How he got the Update anchor job:
  • Dennis Miller left, Lorne picked Kevin.
• Political interference:
  • NBC exec Don Ohlmeyer pushed out Update anchors, including Norm Macdonald and Kevin—
    "He said I was too Mushmouth." [06:20]
• Update writing process:
  • Few writers wanted the gig—Kevin wrote most material himself.
  • "I'd get up really early... get all the newspapers, AP photos... No Google back then. This is the 1900s." [07:30]
  • The Saturday morning “writers’ buffet” as a half-hearted lure for reluctant writers and comics.
    "It was a trap. They'd pull a string." – Chris D’Elia, joking [07:57]
• Real-time joke testing:
  • First show is rehearsal, that's where jokes are tested on a real audience. [09:38]

4. Notable Sketches & SNL Legends

[10:42 – 13:53]

• Subliminal man origin:
  • Inspired by an old character actor Ed Peck who “tagged” lines in NYC delis. [10:46–11:44]
• SNL personalities:
  • Al Franken, Jim Downey (long memory, “walk with me” approach), Jan Hooks, Phil Hartman—discussed as legends, unique personalities, and their quirks.
  • Memorable guests:
    "Nancy Reagan", jokingly named as worst host [14:00]; Steven Seagal, infamous for being “tough to work with” and throwing stuntmen wrong in sketches. [14:04–15:00]

5. Stories from the Comedy Circuit

[17:17 – 25:01]

• Gary Shandling as mentor:

  • Shandling would help Kevin craft jokes for corporate gigs, taught him to “milk” every premise for max comedy.
    "You could have hunks out of your jokes. You just don’t milk them enough." [18:06]
  • Famous Shandling joke: “I'm banging Miss Georgia—well, former Miss Georgia. Well, it was George Foreman.” [18:20]

• Private jets with Travolta, Sandler, and others:

  • Travolta as legit, passionate pilot—
    "He's probably got more experience than any airline. It's his passion. He's really good at it." [19:44]

• Tales of air travel, fears, and famous incident survivors:

  • Recap of Sully’s Hudson flight, and a wild story about an Indian plane crash survivor.
  • Airline compensation discourse:
    "How many miles do you think they got for that?" [21:17]; they only got ~$5,000 and a refund. [23:35]

6. Living the SNL & NYC Life

[42:31 – 45:02]

• Being out in NYC as SNL star:
  • Kevin recalls feeling like the “mayor of New York” and describes swanky West Village apartments that cost a fortune in the ‘90s:
    "Big tall windows, looking down at a Cobblestone Street... $4,000 bucks a month, seemed like a lot back then." [44:28]
• Afterparties & SNL social life:
  • Afterparties were more a spectacle for friends to gawk at celebrities than actual hang—
    "I never wanted to go to those things because it wasn’t even a party. It was just a place for your friends to come and gawk at everybody." [43:13]

7. Writing, Competition, and Creativity at SNL

[45:02 – 46:59]

• Writer/cast relationships:
  • The writers (Conan O’Brien, Bob Odenkirk, Smigel, etc.) and cast all contributed.
  • "I was hired as a feature player and a writer the first year... I wrote for myself. That got me on there." [45:48]
  • Discusses failing to get a Hans & Franz movie made with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Conan. [46:14–48:40]
• SNL Sketch Politics:
  • Quiet but real competitiveness for which sketches make the show.

8. Life After SNL & Comedy Evolution

[48:40 – 54:32]

• Post-SNL sitcoms: (e.g., Champs for DreamWorks, Hiller and Diller with Richard Lewis)
  • Adjusting to sitcom acting and working with icons like Lewis and Eugene Levy.
• Reflecting on how comedy has changed:
  • "Back in your time coming up, you needed to have talent... now there’s people with silly followings biting pop tarts." – Mark [42:05]
  • "It's different... There was no Google or phones. We’d write sketches on a pad, give to PAs for electric typewriters." [41:50]

9. Influence, Tagging Jokes, and Dream Material

[54:32 – 57:55]

• Kevin’s influences:
  • Comedy advice from George Carlin:
    "Yeah, it's really good, kid. Stay with it. It's Carlin." [55:50]
  • On giving young comics tags:
    "I love doing tags, man... I think about them a lot." [56:25]
  • On dreams about the “perfect joke”:
    "I woke up later that morning... get the paper... it goes, 'take my wife, please.' So I came up with that joke." [57:51 – crowd laughs]

10. Interactions with Iconic Musicians & Celebrities

[59:27 – 63:06]

• Mick Jagger:
  • "I said hello... his cheeks were so plump. I was feeling his cheeks. And his lips were so greasy." [60:08]
• Paul McCartney:
  • Classic humble-brag small talk, Paul introduces him to some random nephews (or strangers?), then disappears:
    "He left me with those guys. That's how you do it, man." [61:04]
• Starstruck moments & movie stories:
  • Jack Nicholson on Anger Management:
    "A year later, Sandler told me... he goes, 'How's that lawyer friend of yours?' Like, he thought I was a real lawyer." [62:55]

11. Comedy Basketball, Life Advice, and Friendship

[63:07 – 67:42]

• Basketball games at Shandling's house:
  • Regular “comedy games” with actors, musicians, writers (Clooney, Duchovny, Adam McKay).
  • "It was almost like... he was like the host of a talk show." [64:41]
  • Postgame chats in Shandling’s ultra-tidy, cookie-stocked home.

12. Behind-the-Scenes Comedy World & Closing Banter

[67:42 – end]

• Dating histories bit:
  • The crew spirals into comic riffing about celebrity dating rankings, with lots of playful raunch.
  • Mark reveals he's newly dating a Knicks fan he met on Hinge.
• Plugs:
  • Kevin’s recent special “Loosen the Crotch” ([83:01]), YouTube hiking series, and Oscar-nominated doc (Come See Me in the Good Light).
  • Mark and Sam’s upcoming tours in the US and Europe.
  • Kevin’s live schedule: Houston, Pottstown PA, Tulsa, Pittsburgh, Ridgefield WA (with Dana Carvey), and more.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On SNL’s Staff Competition:
  "It's competitive, but it's a quiet competitiveness... You want the show to do well, but you want your sketch to do well, too." — Kevin Nealon [39:07]

• On Past vs Present Comedy:
  "Back in your time coming up, you needed to have talent... now there’s people with silly followings biting pop tarts." — Mark Normand [42:05]

• On The Comedy Pack of the '80s:
  "I would watch sometimes from the peephole upstairs from Bud Freeman's office. I could see down there because the room was too packed." — Kevin [02:49]

• On SNL Afterparties:
  "It wasn't even a party. It was just a place for your friends to come and gawk at everybody." — Kevin [43:13]

• On Legendary Hosts:
  "Robert Mitchum was everything you think he was... he read the word 'hoodlum' in the table read as 'hoodlum' and had a whole riff about it." — Kevin [34:01 – 34:23]

• On joke-writing struggle:
  "You write it down at night, then in the morning you look and it's not funny. That's why I stopped smoking weed." — Mark Normand [58:00]

• On Mick Jagger:
  "He hasn't done any manual labor. It was like a baby's hand. It was so soft and small." — Kevin [60:07]

• On Gary Shandling’s wisdom:
  "He says, you could have hunks out of your jokes... you just don't milk them enough." — Kevin [18:06]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:19 – 03:55: Kevin’s days bartending at the Improv, comedy legends in LA
• 05:36 – 09:33: Inside SNL: Weekend Update, writing, and office politics
• 10:46 – 13:53: Standout sketches and discussion of SNL cast members
• 17:17 – 25:01: Mentorship from Gary Shandling, road stories, and flying with Travolta
• 42:31 – 45:02: NYC SNL era: afterparties, apartment tales
• 48:40 – 54:32: Life and work after SNL
• 59:27 – 63:06: Starstruck stories with legendary musicians
• 63:07 – 67:42: Comedy basketball tradition, hanging with Shandling and Clooney
• 83:01 onward: Kevin’s current projects, host tour schedules, and wrapping laughter

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Episode Tone & Vibe

Like all “We Might Be Drunk” episodes, the conversation is fast, irreverent, and brimming with showbiz banter. Kevin’s calm but sharp storytelling anchors the episode amid the hosts’ rapidfire jokes and tangents, making it feel like a masterclass in comedy storytelling peppered with the real-life neuroses and camaraderie behind the curtain.

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For fans of comedy history, SNL, or just the fascinating mechanics of joke writing and show business, this episode is a gem.

Transcript

[Kevin Nealon]

Guys, I might be crying sometimes. It's just so, you know.

[Mark Normand]

That's a perfect opening. This could be a dramatic episode of We Might be Drunk.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Kevin Nealon.

[Chris D'Elia]

We bear it all.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, good to see you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you ever have anybody at a. You go up to a bartender, say, dude, you over serve me? Is that like, the weakest kind of, like, excuse for being drunk and out of control? The bartender overserved me.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've never heard you can't do that to a waiter. You know, like, hey, dude, you overserved me, man. I gained, like, two pounds.

[Chris D'Elia]

What are you going to do about it?

[Mark Normand]

I have people complain when the drink is too stiff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's like when the bartender is like, I'm hooking you up. And you're right, the drink tastes like.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's me, man. When I bartended, I used to bartend at the Improv when I was.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah. For years. 1980. Yeah. I see everybody come in the Robin Williams, Andy Kaufman.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

But I. I didn't never bartended before. But I befriended the regular bartender. He goes, hey, you want to work? I said, yeah, but I never bartended. So I got one of those Boston bartender guides, and I kept it under the bar. I thought the more alcohol you put in it, like, the college mentality, people

[Chris D'Elia]

would love it, Right?

[Kevin Nealon]

But a lot of times they come back, hey, can you give me another glass, like, full of, like, soda water so I can make this a regular drink?

[Mark Normand]

They're mixing the drink.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Who was the biggest drunk back then?

[Mark Normand]

Mo.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, it really wasn't obvious, but there were some people in there to come in. I mean, you know, so many people would come in there. Timothy Leary would come in.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And Roy Scheidener would come in.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

With Bob Fosse.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, I saw everybody in there. Robin Williams would come from filming Mork and Mindy with his suspenders on.

[Mark Normand]

And you made more shider drink.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What did he drink?

[Kevin Nealon]

Scotch and sodas. It's funny how bartenders remember exactly what people drink. Richard Lewis would come in, he would get a white wine, and he always leave me a $2 tip.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, back in the day, it's a good tip.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was a good tip. Yeah. I was always embarrassed at how much the drinks cost. Like, for a beer, it was like 275. And when somebody ordered a beer, I give it to him. I go, I'm sorry, it's $2.75.

[Chris D'Elia]

I kill for a 275 beer.

[Mark Normand]

Richard Lewis, he Put him back right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God, he was so great, man. He loved.

[Mark Normand]

Well, he.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, he. He went. He became sober after a while, but he would kill in that room, man. Yeah, he was like the expat New Yorker you had. All the whole audience was expat New Yorkers. And it just had this energy and this buzz, you know, Richard Lewis would get on and just crush it. Andy Kaufman, Jay Leno. I mean, that room, you could feel it pulsing, you know, it was just so crazy. And I would watch sometimes from the peephole upstairs from the office. Bud Freeman's office. I could see down there because it couldn't go in the room. It was too packed.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And it was just such a great experience for me because I got to, like, talk to comics that were, you know, established. One time, Andy Coffin was outside, and I knew he was into tm, right? So I was so scared to talk to him because, you know, I'm such a fan of his, but. And I go, hey, Andy, what can you tell me a little about tm? For a half hour, he talked about tm, rarely looking at me, just looking at the traffic out of Melrose going by, and all I'm doing is looking at the moles on his face.

[Chris D'Elia]

He did have some crazy cheek moles.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, he did.

[Mark Normand]

How about Pryor? Did he ever come in?

[Kevin Nealon]

Richard Pryor never came in that. I remember, at the Comedy Store. I mean, at the Improv. But he would come up here at the Comedy Store and play a lot. I saw him here once.

[Chris D'Elia]

How is that?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, it was great, man. But he would start off with. He wouldn't have anything, you know, you just develop it and you come back, like, three weeks later, and he's got this whole hunk, you know, whole act.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's doing so. Yeah, that was the cool thing. That was. I was so lucky to be in that part. And back then, there was only like, 50 comics.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know. Isn't that crazy?

[Kevin Nealon]

And then I go off to do snl. I come back, I never stopped doing stand up. But all of a sudden, it's not just Italians, Jews, Irish guys, blacks. It's like Pakistanis, you know, it's every nationality you could think of, and. And, you know, everybody's funny now.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's crazy. I don't know about that. Yeah, that's a stretch. But now there's 50 comics on the lineup. It's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

But I knew everybody's act. You would know everybody's act because you knew every comic.

[Mark Normand]

That's also a bad thing. It is like, these guys aren't riding enough.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, I would see Jerry Seinfeld, same thing. You know, like a lot of us, over and over. And I knew exactly where people swallowed before they took the punchline or they, you know, indigestion. Fake indigestion thing before the punchline.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, you know. You know exactly what they're gonna do.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. He has all these things where he says, if I move my hand this way, I get a bigger laugh than if I move it that way. Like, he's so dialed in with that shit.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a great experience to be back then. It was a good ride.

[Mark Normand]

How long were you in New York for?

[Kevin Nealon]

Nine years.

[Mark Normand]

And you were in SNL for nine years?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. That's.

[Mark Normand]

That's got to be one of the longest, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

It was at the time, but now, you know, you have guys there, like Daryl Ham. Was there a long time. Yeah, I think. What's his name?

[Chris D'Elia]

Tim Meadows. Keenan.

[Kevin Nealon]

Keenan.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's still there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Been there for 40 years. He was there before the show started. He was hanging out at 30 Rock.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, you had the. It was Dennis Miller. You, Norm.

[Mark Normand]

That's a crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

What a run.

[Kevin Nealon]

It was great. It was great.

[Mark Normand]

How long were you Weekend Update?

[Kevin Nealon]

I was Weekend Update for three years.

[Chris D'Elia]

And.

[Kevin Nealon]

And it was interesting job because before that I was just doing sketches and characters, which I had to learn to do because I was a standup. So I did those for five years. And then Lauren put me at Weekend Update.

[Mark Normand]

And how did that happen?

[Kevin Nealon]

Just, he wanted me up there. And Dennis left. I. I don't know why he left. I guess he just. But, you know, a lot of people would leave, and I kind of got pushed out of Weekend Update. As I looked back at them, I thought, yeah, I get it. I get it. No, but there was a lot of politics going on, and Don Olmer. Don Ohlmeyer was like, the head of NBC in that department, and so he would push things. He got rid of Norm.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he got rid of me.

[Kevin Nealon]

Cause he said I was too Mushmouth.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And then did you make jokes at his expense or.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, I never did OJ Jokes or anything, but. And I think Sandler and Farley got fired that same year that I did.

[Chris D'Elia]

Gee, this guy's a real stiff, huh?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, he did.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hopefully.

[Ad Read Voice]

Oh, my.

[Mark Normand]

He must be dead at this point.

[Chris D'Elia]

God willing, he's dead. All right, good. He's horrible tasting comedy, this guy.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I remember hearing in that Letterman, Norman to View, and.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, those are great.

[Mark Normand]

Those are classic. But, man, no, you were a great Weekend Update guy, man.

[Ad Read Voice]

And you wrote.

[Mark Normand]

And you wrote your own Chinese.

[Kevin Nealon]

I write a lot of stuff. Nobody liked writing for Weekend Update because it wasn't a glorifying position. Because nobody would stand around on Monday and go, oh, man, do you hear that joke about Clinton or whoever it was at the time, Roosevelt? So, you know, so I had to write a lot of my own stuff. And you couldn't write during the week because all the late night talk show hosts were doing that stuff. They were covering that. So Saturday morning I'd get up really early and get, like, all the newspapers. Newspapers and AP photos, because there was no Google back then. Again, this is the 1900s.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And so then Lorne would put out a buffet on the 17th floor of the writers wing to try to entice writers to come and put newspapers out. So you have breakfast and read the paper, and some of the new writers came up. They weren't that good. Al Franco would come because he was a political pundit, and Norm MacDonald would come, just have breakfast and read a paper, contribute anything.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like a trap for. They pull a string.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I worked with a segment producer who was from the original years that Lorne knew, and he hired him and kept him on because he's very loyal, but he was kind of out of it. And we'd go through the AP photos.

[Mark Normand]

So you wrote this in a day?

[Kevin Nealon]

Basically, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's insane.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

How many minutes of jokes.

[Kevin Nealon]

You'd have a couple of pocket jokes that weren't, like, didn't do deal with anything. There was about 20 jokes.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's insane.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I can't believe I'm even talking about this now. It's like it never happened, you know? It's like, what drugs were you on

[Mark Normand]

that were helping you with this?

[Kevin Nealon]

Advil.

[Chris D'Elia]

Come on.

[Mark Normand]

Nothing?

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I don't do drugs. I never did drugs.

[Mark Normand]

Ton of coffee.

[Chris D'Elia]

Speaking of which, I brought you an aspirin. Just for the week. Yeah. Thank you. I know it's going to get crazy out here.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Federal crime, which has happened there. What you can't give other people.

[Mark Normand]

All right, narc.

[Chris D'Elia]

Why don't you fuck off, Narc Mormond over here.

[Mark Normand]

So. So you were just 20 in a day. That's crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

How hard is to write a good topical joke?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I know.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it's for national television.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. How can you do that without being mushmouth?

[Mark Normand]

I don't even know what mushmouth means.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's just swallow your words a little bit so you can't understand you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now that you say it, I can see it.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I was working with that segment producer who was an older guy, and we'd go through the photos and he'd do the joke. He'd do a joke. And I go, I don't know about that one. He goes, have you seen the picture? That's when I knew it was his joke. Have you seen the picture? So, and then, you know, I tell him which ones not to use. Like after the dress rehearsal, I said, let's get rid of this, let's get rid of that.

[Mark Normand]

How many people are in there when you're running the jokes?

[Kevin Nealon]

Just me and him, but.

[Mark Normand]

So you're not even testing on real laughs?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, no, no. The rehearsal. The first show is rehearsal. You test the jokes then.

[Mark Normand]

But how many people?

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, that's a full audience.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, okay. That helps.

[Kevin Nealon]

You idiot.

[Mark Normand]

We've been on snl. We don't know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I look at you like, you're crazy. You dumb.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jeez.

[Kevin Nealon]

So, yeah, so. So then after they dress, I go back to meet with him again and we go through the pack and I'd say, let's get rid of that. Let's get rid of that one. Let's get rid of that one. He goes, really? I like, this one is a good one. I've seen the picture. So I go back out there, I've told them which ones I want to get rid of. So I do the Weekend Update and I jump off and I start doing sketches and characters, you know, and the next morning I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking, wait a minute, I told him to get rid of that joke. He kept it in there because it was his probably.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And so I didn't really have a lot of control because I was doing so much stuff. I couldn't focus on that. Right. So. But it was fun. It was. It was exciting.

[Chris D'Elia]

Now, where the subliminal bit, was that a stand up bit first?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, that came from my stand up. But that. That was a guy named Ed Peck, this character actor, you know, from like the 50s and 60s. I met him at the improv and so many, like, character actors I met there. And he would do a thing called tagging, and he had a very deep voice like that, and he would talk like that. Neil. And come here for a minute. Let me show you what I'm going to do. And we go to Canter's Delicatessen, and he would do a Tagging thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

There he is. There's Pecky.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's Ed Peck, Younger Ed Peck. And he was a good guy. He did a lot of those shows back then, so. So we go to canners, and he'd go, listen, what I'm going to do here. And he'd order, and he'd go, hello, Mary. Because he knew the waitress. Mary, I think I'm going to have a. A hamburger with some French fries. And I also have a. So that kind of blossomed from that. He goes, go ahead and use that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, that's fun. That was a hit.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was a hit. And then I kind of wrote it with Al Franken when we got there. Doing it to get things that you wanted. Yeah, I'd love to go see the Mets, you know, or I'd love to go to dinner with you. Your treat. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

What's you going to date Anal. Now, Franken, what do you think? We had a rough one with him. It was a rough.

[Mark Normand]

It was a tough episode. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why was that tough? You both did the same thing.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, why is anything tough? You just don't. You don't vibe, really.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah. Didn't like the humor.

[Mark Normand]

Didn't like our vibe. Didn't really. It's considered the worst episode of all time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

When was this?

[Chris D'Elia]

A few years. A year and a half ago.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's changed a lot. He's more like Tom Davis.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay. Okay. Yeah, he was a nice guy. Piece of.

[Mark Normand]

Best bad episode.

[Kevin Nealon]

No. There's so many different, you know, personalities on our show. Jim Downey was great.

[Mark Normand]

He's a legend.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God, I love sitting down with him. He remembers everything, you know, he'll remember every, you know, show and how it came about the sketch and what pencil he was using at the time.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was using a number two pencil. And the racer was a little down, but.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sounds like autism maybe, but he's fun.

[Mark Normand]

He.

[Kevin Nealon]

I hope he's writing down everything about that show.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is he still writing?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know if he's still writing, but he's always kind of musing about things. And I'll sit down to lunch with him and he'll just talk and talk and talk. And he was so busy in the show because he was the head writer. Everybody's knocking on his door, hey, Jim, can I run this by you? And he's on the phone with other people. It was often, like, he'd answer the door. He'd keep the door shut because everybody would be in there if he didn't. So he would. I knock on the door, I said, hey, Jim, can you take a look at this? He goes, yeah, yeah, walk with me. Walk with me. He's always walking with him because he had so many things he had to do. You know, you run the lines by him as you're walking. He goes, yeah, let me take a look at that later. You know, trying to get your father to do something. And he's busy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

So you were there so long. There must have been. You've seen so many hosts. Who's the worst host ever?

[Chris D'Elia]

Ooh, good one.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would say Nancy Reagan.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

She hosted.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, man, you guys are drunk, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

I bought it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Pretty drunk. You are drunk.

[Chris D'Elia]

Apparently, she was.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, a lot of people say Steven Seagal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, I heard he's a prick, you know?

[Mark Normand]

Was he a prick as well?

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't really hang out with him that much, but I do remember him standing like this on the. In the hallway, like he was a bodyguard for nobody behind him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then there was one sketch where he was supposed to throw these stuntmen into the breakaway walls. You know, it's like a western bar. And during the dress rehearsal, he did that, but during the live show, he would throw them into the studded part so it wouldn't break. And those guys, you know, they're really tough. They like to make like they're not hurt, but I know they were hurt, and they get up and they'd walk off the. Off the set. And I don't know if he did that on purpose, if it was just jacked up from the live show or what.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

But, yeah, people. People claim that he was in my period. That's what they claim.

[Chris D'Elia]

I've heard he was tough to work with.

[Mark Normand]

His movies, it's incredible because the action scenes are just not. It's not entertaining. It's like sound technique, I guess.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You just watch him do like this, and you're like, yeah, that's not like good cinema.

[Kevin Nealon]

He's talking like this, like he's some kind of a karate guru.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. He apparently made up his own martial art. I think I forgot. Give that a go. I'm pretty sure you seen the new

[Mark Normand]

one where he's just fat. There's a new movie where he's fat and it's a clear stuntman.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, no.

[Kevin Nealon]

But also, he's a CIA agent, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

He claims.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow, he is pretty fat. Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus Christ.

[Chris D'Elia]

Thought that was DJ Khaled.

[Kevin Nealon]

What the hell?

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Jeez.

[Chris D'Elia]

But see, if he made up his own art form or martial art.

[Kevin Nealon]

Are you sure that's not, like, why

[Mark Normand]

is he next to Charlize Theron in that picture? That is the weirdest pairing of all time.

[Chris D'Elia]

He said he calls her out.

[Mark Normand]

Calls her out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

Charlize Theron says overweight Steven Seagal can barely fight and he's not very nice to women.

[Chris D'Elia]

Man, look at that.

[Mark Normand]

Well, whoever wrote this definitely likes her better than him because look at those headshots right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

And I think Stavros is going to play him in the movie.

[Mark Normand]

That is a. That is a. He looks like a bloated fish in that one. I watched Under Siege not too long ago. Kind of a fun piece of.

[Chris D'Elia]

I loved it.

[Mark Normand]

It's a. It's not great, but it's fun as hell.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

A lot of those movies that, you know, you would take seriously back then. It's just bad movies now that you like watching.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like Point Break.

[Mark Normand]

Point Break's a good movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know about that.

[Mark Normand]

It's fun as hell, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, my friend pointed out that he's a cop. Who is. He sounds like a surfer. He already sounds like a surfer. But he's from the East Coast.

[Mark Normand]

He's from Ohio.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's from Ohio. And then they're like, guy who knows

[Mark Normand]

this movie too well. Johnny Utah. No, that's a fun movie.

[Chris D'Elia]

I love the movie, but Gary Busey

[Kevin Nealon]

could fucking get that movie on right now. Can we watch that movie?

[Chris D'Elia]

Look at these hunks.

[Kevin Nealon]

I asked Patrick Swayze once if he worked out. He goes, no, I never work out those guys. He must be dancing all the time.

[Mark Normand]

Was he a cool dude?

[Kevin Nealon]

He was.

[Mark Normand]

That was a classic sketch. Him and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Chippendale.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

One of the dancer sketch. That was probably the hardest one I had from not laughing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. You know, now, I hate to bring it up, but we're big fans of Shanling.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. Shanley was great.

[Chris D'Elia]

You guys were tight.

[Kevin Nealon]

Shanley was my mentor. He's one of the first comics I met out here.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I learned how to craft jokes with him. And we'd be on the phone, like, if I had, like, a gig somewhere, like a corporate gig, I call him. I said, gary, I'm doing this thing for Microsoft or whatever, and the CEO is talking. I'm not sure what to say. And so he just. We'd be on the phone for, like, two hours, like coming up with Microsoft jokes or, you know, something about the CEO and. And I would just, like, move on. You know, he had a good joke. You know. Oh, that's great. Okay, now, what about this year? He goes, no, no, no, let's stick with this right here. Let's come up with some more. You know, I like to hit and run.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he says, yeah, your hunks. You could have, like, hunks out of your jokes. You just don't milk them enough.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa, that's good. Because the premise is the hard part.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Come up with. So if you got a premise, you gotta.

[Kevin Nealon]

If you have one good joke, you're

[Chris D'Elia]

gonna have more, Right? Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 3]

He had.

[Chris D'Elia]

Norm always talked about. Because, you know, Norm was such a great joke writer. And then he said the shandling joke that broke his brain was he had that old joke, you know, I'm banging. Banging Miss Georgia. Well, former Miss Georgia. Well, it was George Foreman. That's a great joke. But Norm's like, how did you come up with that? Like, how did your brain figure that out?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's a silly brain, man. It's like one of his other jokes I loved that he did was, you know, sometimes I'll shave one of my legs so it feels like I'm sleeping with a woman. Or he goes, you know, I can't afford a private jet, but I could afford to pay everybody else to get off of my commercial jet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he had that.

[Kevin Nealon]

He was great, man. Yeah, he was. He was a good guy.

[Mark Normand]

You told me you were on a private jet with Travolta once.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, how was the sex?

[Kevin Nealon]

I've flown a lot of private jets with different people.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know that. I think, what am I doing here? And we flew with Sandler on that. Yeah. You had a kind of a fear of flying, didn't you?

[Mark Normand]

No.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, that was Joe. That was Joe Vessi. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I can see that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. You had a fear of other things, though, right?

[Mark Normand]

Intimacy, closeness, commitment. Every other fear I have, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But you and Travolta and he's the pilot, isn't he?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, he was.

[Mark Normand]

Is that not crazy?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it was pretty crazy.

[Mark Normand]

Are you nervous at all that you're like, does this guy know how to fly?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you know what? He's got such a flying record. He's probably got more experience than any airline, you know, Commercial airline.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't know that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Really? It's his passion. Yeah. He's really good at it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Harrison Ford, too, I believe.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was just thinking, Howard Hughes was a big pilot. He actually landed a plane on purpose at the Bel Air Country Club on one of the fairways But Harrison Ford crashed it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Onto a small three par golf course.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. I remember that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I didn't know that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. That was big news.

[Kevin Nealon]

Which is a little more, you know, talented. If you could land on a three par golf course, it's a smaller tiger horse.

[Mark Normand]

Can't even drive a car.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. But yeah. So I don't mind flying. You know, My wife has a fear of flying, and it's the slightest amount of turbulence, she grabs my hand.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hyperventilating and like, you know, we fly a lot. Yeah. So it's like the plane could be upside down and we'd still be reading, you know?

[Chris D'Elia]

I know same, because you give up after a while.

[Kevin Nealon]

You say, I can't. I fly too much, man. I can't be fighting it like this all the time. No surrender.

[Mark Normand]

You just go numb.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're just like, yeah, to sleep.

[Kevin Nealon]

And what's the worst that can happen?

[Chris D'Elia]

Nine, 11. Sully.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that one they worked out.

[Chris D'Elia]

That one worked out.

[Kevin Nealon]

I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Would you still be annoyed if you were in the Sully flight, You'd still be annoyed to land in the water?

[Chris D'Elia]

Of course. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You still be like, what. What do I take?

[Kevin Nealon]

Let us know. Let us know beforehand.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Someone complained. You should have said something.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

How many people called the airlines after that, said, hey, listen, like, can I get, like, a little, like, miles?

[Mark Normand]

How many miles do you think they got for that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, free flights for life.

[Mark Normand]

No way. Look up how many miles those people got.

[Chris D'Elia]

At least lounge access.

[Kevin Nealon]

Would you fly again after then?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, you gotta get home.

[Kevin Nealon]

A lot of them did. They got on another flight.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, I would.

[Kevin Nealon]

God. How about that plane that crashed in India? The big, you know, Airbus one guy survived.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

How do you.

[Mark Normand]

You make a movie, process that. Sorry. Bruce Willis.

[Chris D'Elia]

And can we talk to that guy? I'd like to get a word out of him.

[Unknown Guest 2]

He claims he jumped out at the last minute.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

They're.

[Unknown Guest 2]

India guy.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, there was a hole in the. In the plane and he walked out. He climbed out of there.

[Mark Normand]

Whatever seat he picked, he's picking that seat for the rest of his life.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I'm 14F forever.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. I'd like to get in.

[Kevin Nealon]

14.

[Mark Normand]

I don't know.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm 3B.

[Mark Normand]

3B is good.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. It's got the extra leg room. First class. Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God. 200 lives.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's horrible.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Look at this fiery explosion.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like an atom bomb.

[Kevin Nealon]

And that guy survived it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ramesh.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Do the last name Mark.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good luck. Visha. Washikar.

[Kevin Nealon]

Interesting that you're the only one that survived, huh?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. What's up with that?

[Mark Normand]

The one cop. All right, you're just like, tell me this.

[Kevin Nealon]

He was sitting near an emergency exit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, maybe he did jump out. Yeah. He had the door.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. You know the best place.

[Mark Normand]

No, he didn't hold the door. He looked out for himself. He. He lied about the oath.

[Kevin Nealon]

Right, that best. Best place to sit is over the wings, though.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, because it's the least turbulent and they got the emergency exits there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you know I'm taking. I've been learning how to tie knots. Rope knots. I don't know. For some reason, I used to see my father, like, tie stuff down on the top of the hood on the car. You know, the slip knots and stuff. So I. I'm, I'm, you know, check on Instagram, how. On YouTube, I got some books, and I got, like, a six foot piece of rope. And it's weird because when you sit on a plane and you take that out of your backpack, six foot piece of rope. The person next to you is like, the hell's going on?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. You're either a terrorist or depressed.

[Kevin Nealon]

I start lassoing the flight attendant, pulling her back.

[Mark Normand]

That's a dicey search history with it with some rope.

[Chris D'Elia]

They only got five grand.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Chris D'Elia]

And a refund.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, Sully, you better get a refund.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh. 10 grand to agreed to not sue the airline.

[Mark Normand]

I'm not taking that 10 grand.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

How many people sued the airline?

[Chris D'Elia]

Probably a lot.

[Mark Normand]

And I bet all those people, they're like, I wish they died.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, a lot of people sued the Titanic.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, just the survivors, I guess.

[Kevin Nealon]

They give them miles.

[Chris D'Elia]

The women and children sued none of

[Unknown Guest 2]

the passengers on that Sully flight suit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

They were probably just grateful to not be dead.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. But it's like when you get there early and they're like, we're gonna land early, and then they sit on the tarmac for six hours.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Like, that's not landing early. It's the same with this. You're like, hey, we got there pretty quick, but we're in the water, folks.

[Kevin Nealon]

We'll make up for it. We got the wind behind us.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Do you ever see the movie Flight with Denzel?

[Chris D'Elia]

Great movie.

[Mark Normand]

He's such a good actor that he's a drunk pilot. I'm like, pulling for him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, he could do.

[Kevin Nealon]

He could.

[Mark Normand]

He could turn. He could change.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

He's such a piece of. Isn't that I mean, great flick, great movies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Planes upside down in the beginning.

[Kevin Nealon]

You ever watch these replays of, like, Muhammad Ali fighting? Yeah, Any kind of sporting event where you know they lost back then, but you're still rooting for them to win this time. You know, like, come on. Come on, man.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I watch sex tapes of myself like that. I know I prematurely ejaculate, but maybe this time I gotta figure it out.

[Kevin Nealon]

I gotta break away. We'll be back after these words.

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[Unknown Guest 3]

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[Chris D'Elia]

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[Unknown Guest 3]

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[Chris D'Elia]

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[Chris D'Elia]

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[Unknown Guest 3]

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[Chris D'Elia]

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[Chris D'Elia]

Ben.

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[Mark Normand]

no, I'm with you though. I mean, dude, that thrill in Manila, Doc.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, man, we were kings.

[Mark Normand]

I think that was it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Nealon]

George Foreman hosted SNL once. When I was on him, he seemed pretty cool. He was cool. Then I saw him at the United Lounge. Cause I belong to all the clubs because I'm rich. I saw him at the Lounge and we talked. Those people, whoever hosts that show, it's like a lifelong membership of friend. Friendship with them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because it's like being in the foxholes, right? You know, you fraternity, you know, it's the same with the cast members, but fun with the host. They just. It's like the highlight of their life. You know, a lot of them are just film actors. They've never done anything live before.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. You know, is it true that his kids are all named George?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

And the girls are Georgina.

[Chris D'Elia]

No way.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's one kid named the Grill because he's got some teeth.

[Mark Normand]

But he's got a transition. It's a big thing. Damn. So for me, I remember some of those. Foreman, I read that they. That Hulk Hogan was offered the George Foreman Grill before him and he turned it down.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Mark Normand]

And that's like a. That's like hundreds of million dollars easily, that he got.

[Chris D'Elia]

Everybody had that thing before you sell

[Kevin Nealon]

that you make right top of it. Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

On the highway. That. That press was money, dude. I love that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. It was so primitive, too. It's so simple. It had the. The grease drip thing, remember, that you put on the bottom.

[Kevin Nealon]

What about the hibachi? You ever use that? Hibachi is.

[Chris D'Elia]

No, I never did. The little grill. Yeah, I don't think I did.

[Kevin Nealon]

How do you use a hot plate? How about a hot plate?

[Mark Normand]

Hot plate. When I was in the pen, dude,

[Kevin Nealon]

I. I used to hop. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who else was. Who was, like, a really cool host?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, man. You know, I work with some real. Like, Robert Mitchum was on.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus Christ.

[Mark Normand]

You're the two Bridgeport, Connecticut guys.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Also, Richard Belzer was from Bridgeport. Oh, P.T. barnum. Not proud of.

[Mark Normand]

What was Mitchum like?

[Kevin Nealon]

He was. He was everything you think he was, I think.

[Ad Read Voice]

Drunk.

[Kevin Nealon]

He might have been drinking. There he is. He might have been drinking. I don't know.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know. Look at those glasses.

[Kevin Nealon]

Read to do it because his granddaughter. I think this is what I heard. His granddaughter had a film she wanted to air on there, and they would air it if he hosted.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

But, yeah, I remember.

[Mark Normand]

Did he have a good sense of humor?

[Kevin Nealon]

He did in the dress show. It was. It was shaky.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

But in the live show, he just came around. And one of my favorite sketches I wrote with him in it, it was based on the old Raymond Chandler films, You know, like film noir.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you know where he would narrate it, the voiceover. So I wrote a sketch where me and Jan Hooks come in. I'm a gangster, and, you know, she's a mall. And he's sitting behind the desk. He's a private eye. And we come in and he starts narrating it, but it's not in the film. He's hiding behind the plant. I don't know who these two were, but I was about to find out. Who are you talking to?

[Chris D'Elia]

No, nobody.

[Mark Normand]

Nobody.

[Kevin Nealon]

Excuse me, I gotta use the restroom. And he'd leave and the door would be part open. I was hoping that they would leave, but they wouldn't, you know, And I said, what's going on?

[Chris D'Elia]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

That's like the perfect person to get for that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. He was the guy. He was the guy.

[Mark Normand]

He's so cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. But I remember during the table read once, there was a word hoodlum. And in the middle of the sketch, he stops it, which is weird, you know. Takes all the wind out of the sail. And he started talking about the word hoodlum. And he pronounced. Really pronounced hoodlum.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hoodlum.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he had a whole riff on where it came from. I don't remember, because I was drunk.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. How about Phil Hartman?

[Kevin Nealon]

Phil was great, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

One of the best of all time.

[Kevin Nealon]

I remember when we first got to New York, we're doing the filming for the cold opening and all that stuff, and he wasn't there. He was somewhere else. And people were talking about the old guy. The old guy that's on the cast. And he was 37 at the time.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jesus.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we thought, that is old man.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

But, yeah, he was the best. He was the best.

[Chris D'Elia]

Funny.

[Mark Normand]

He didn't speak a lot. Right. But he was like the glue guy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. He held the sketches. And he was a good artist, too. A graphic artist.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

He did that. He did Crosby, Stills and Nash.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't know that.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Designed all these albums.

[Mark Normand]

Are you serious? I thought we were.

[Kevin Nealon]

Are you kidding me? Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown Guest 2]

He designed the Asia album, which is insane.

[Kevin Nealon]

Holy shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

I had no idea. Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

The Beatles first album.

[Chris D'Elia]

Shut up. Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, Phil was. Phil was really good. We had offices right next to each other. And he was always into some kind of a new thing. Like, you'd go to his office and he'd have, like, a sailboat model on the thing. And then, you know, he's looking through navigational things and he got into sailing. It's like a week later or whatever. There's, like an airplane in there, you know, and he's, like, taking flying lessons. And it was like something different. Now he's got watercolors. He's going. He's got. He's there. But, yeah, he was. He was really. He was something else, man. He was so good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Where did he come from? I don't know his origin.

[Unknown Guest 2]

I think his brother managed America and Poco.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. Yeah, yeah. John, I think his name was.

[Chris D'Elia]

How about that?

[Kevin Nealon]

But he was from the Groundlings.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, okay. LA guy. Damn. That's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I remember seeing that SNL audition tape. And he does, like, a detective character.

[Kevin Nealon]

He does that Mace guy. Yeah, the Mace. There was another sketch I wrote for him with that character where he's got me as a hostage and I keep. I say. I said, mace, let me go. I swear to God, I won't tell anybody. Well, you better not tell anybody, because if you do, I'll put a bolt in your head. You know, And I said, okay. He goes, you just stay right there. I say, okay, I promise, but can you just untie me so I can go to the bathroom or you better not make any moves. And he unties me and I try to run and he cries me, I told you not to make money. What are you doing? You know, so every time, I promise I wouldn't try to escape. And he kept believing me. And I wrote lines like, if you're smart, you'll be smart. Yeah. So that was fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then the 90s, you got Norm. I mean, I'm sure you get asked about Norm all the time, but I mean, I mean, you did a bunch of gigs with them too, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I do gigs with Norm. But when Norm came on snl, he's a writer, just a writer. And he was just kind of, he was kind of unique because he wouldn't. You would never know what he was thinking about. You know, he'd be kind of. He got into a fight once. I forget who it was with somebody he was smoking and somebody said, put the cigarette out. I forget who it was with. But. But yeah, you wouldn't. And he would just write and. And then all of a sudden he'd be in sketches and. And we would do gigs together. And I remember he would be very forgetful. And I think it might have been when he was going through cancer, because he had cancer for 10 years, didn't tell anybody. And I see people walk out of his show because they thought he was drunk, but in hindsight, I think it was from. And I remember too, he'd always, wherever we went, he would always get bitters and soda water. That was the drink. And maybe it was to calm his stomach down. Yeah, but, yeah, he was funny. He loved to gamble. He loved to gamble, man. And he was so unreliable and he loved to not pay back loans. And I remember we were in somewhere in Canada, some casino, and he comes out, you know, we were both co headlining, he comes off the stage, he goes, hey, can you, can you loan me 500? The ATM won't give me 500 until 1 o' clock tonight. I said, yeah, because they know you, Norm, you're not paying it back. And so I gave it to him. And the next morning I go, hey, Norm, did you win at the tables? You got that 500? Yeah, go back and get it. Not yet, but I'll get it. And that went on for like two or three days. And then Sunday morning we're getting really. I said, norm, you got to Pay back people when you borrow money from them. That's disrespectful. He goes, what are you complaining about? You only lost 500. I lost $5,000.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dam.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, man. Yeah, it was. It was a trip, man, working with so many of these people. And, you know, with Farley and Sandler, Mike Myers, you're a little older than them.

[Mark Normand]

When they were new on the show, did you kind of take them under your wing or what was the relationship like?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, well, who looks healthier there? He's too big to take under my wing right there. You know, you kind of. You know, people say, is it competitive on that show? It must be really competitive. It is competitive, but it's a quiet competitiveness. It's really slow.

[Mark Normand]

And also, like, you're not going to do what he does.

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Different animal.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no one's going to write stuff for me that he does. Yeah, but it is kind of jockeying. I always thought, how can it not be competitive? How can you not get a fair shake when you got a stack of sketches, however long? It takes three hours to get through them all, and you spent all night writing your sketch. And then there comes a sketch that's funny. Do you laugh at it? Cause it'll take away from yours getting picked up. I mean, how can you, you know, if you laugh, it's a fake laugh. It's like, you know, it's not. But, I mean, you want the show to do well, so you want the best sketches on there. But it's a natural instinct, I think, just not to, you know, because you want your sketch to do well. But, yeah, when you came on the show, you're new. Everybody's scared, you know, they're not sure what to do and how to write a sketch. And I wrote a sketch in the begin that had an ending, and we finished reading that, and Lauren goes, ah, so that's the ending of the sketch. Okay. Or something like that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's when I learned you don't write an ending. You just let it fade out, I guess.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think I like it ending.

[Kevin Nealon]

So. Yeah, so there's a, you know, there's that writing thing, and then there's just, you know, being on the guy who's

[Mark Normand]

trying to get away, he's like, you got to stop getting away. And then a voice comes on. He's like. And then he did stop, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. See, Andy, I remember right before I was going on to do my first sketch was a subliminal sketch, you know, and it's live, and it's snl. I'm standing there on the stage, and they're coming back from 10 seconds from the commercial, and Lorne Michaels, creator of the show, he puts his hand on my shoulder. He goes, are you sure this is what you want? You know what I mean? Do you want this? Do you want this fame and all that?

[Chris D'Elia]

Geez.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then, boom. Gotta go on.

[Mark Normand]

Is he trying to psych you out?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, because he wants. He wants. Trying to loosen you up, you know, like, that's a silly question.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Right. Now you've did TV for so long, and now you see how the. The entertainment industry operates today with the Internet and Instagram. Do you hate it more now?

[Unknown Guest 3]

Was it more fun then?

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, it's different. You know, it's like I said when I was doing the Weekend Update, there was no Google or, you know, I was. We had just newspapers and Associated Press photos that we went through. And you try to take a photo of somebody who's like, I try to make a joke out of it, you know?

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

So it was a lot more, I think, challenging back then. No phones. Cell phones. Really?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

There was no computers. We would, like, we would write the sketch on a legal pad and then give it to the PAs. And they'd have electric typewriters.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

They try to get it all done by the table.

[Mark Normand]

Back in your. In your time coming up, you needed to have talent, you know, like, so there's so many followings of, like, people who are like, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take a bite of this new pop tart flavor and tell you if it's good or not. And that's like. That person's like 5 million followers.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

[Mark Normand]

It's like. But, you know, you. You're laboring over these jokes. You, you, you know, stressing over it was being on SNL that time and Weekend Update in New York. Was that, like, that must have been fun going out. I mean, you must have.

[Chris D'Elia]

Totally.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's crazy, man. It was like you felt like the mayor of New York.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, and yes, we do have a table. Mr. Ellen. How about. Get out of there. Get out of there.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Can you tell us about some cool 80s parties?

[Kevin Nealon]

The thing about these, they had these after parties and, you know, it was late at night. The show ended at 1:00 o', clock, and by the time you get out of there, it's like 1:30 or whatever. And we each had our own limo. We bring our guests.

[Mark Normand]

Jesus.

[Kevin Nealon]

The hardest part of that show was getting your Guests in. I don't know if you had that problem at like a comedy club.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, you're not even able to think about your thing because, hey, we can't get in. Having trouble down here. Oh. And you know, and then afterwards, they want to go to the after party.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I never wanted to go to those things because it wasn't even a party. It was just a place for your friends to come and gawk at everybody.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hit your own table. You had to pay for it, you know, your drinks. And then Lauren would be at a back table talking to Neil Young or whoever, you know, and. And then you're up until like this time or. No, I was single.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, boy.

[Kevin Nealon]

So the first. The first, like the first three or four years.

[Mark Normand]

So there's no curiosity at these parties.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. You're a tall cup of jizz. You're on the Weekend Update. I mean, you could be swinging.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, you know, I had a girlfriend, but, you know, your whole life is being in that building. Sure. And you just totally focused on it. And we didn't get paid that much. You don't get paid much to be on that show. It's like, I can't even remember, is it 4,000 a show or 8,000? And Lauren goes, you know, spend all your money in an apartment because you want to be comfor comfortable.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

And.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I remember getting an apartment finally down in the West Village. This was tricked out. This was a federal style building. It was a walk up. There's only four floors. The top two was ours. High ceiling. It was like the friend's apartment. Fireplaces in the dining room. Four fireplaces. The old wood floors.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes, Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And big tall windows looking down at a Cobblestone Street. 4,000 bucks a month. Which seemed like a lot back then.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, that is a lot.

[Kevin Nealon]

The 90s. That's.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a ton. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wouldn't know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Or you make it a week back then, you think?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think it was 8,000, 8,000, 4,000. I don't know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

For sure.

[Mark Normand]

It's good.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And it was opening up all this other stuff for you too, you know, and movies. Movies.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, it's a crazy thing is, you know, we all get paid that minimum amount, but the writers we found out were getting paid more. And Lauren would say, you guys will be making tons of money when you do this show. They'll always be writers. And he's talking about Conan o' Brien was one of the writers. You know, Greg Daniels from the Office

[Mark Normand]

and those guys are going to struggle.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, they're going to struggle, man. Dave Mandel, who's a big writer. Seinfeld and so. Yeah, so, you know, and some people did make, you know, and Bob Odenkirk

[Chris D'Elia]

was a writer, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Bob Odenkirk was a writer, too.

[Mark Normand]

So the writing stuff was like Conan, Bob Odenkirk. That's wild.

[Kevin Nealon]

Robert Smigel.

[Chris D'Elia]

Smigel, the King. And I think David Tell wrote on SNL for a while.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, he did for a year. And all the cast members wrote, too. Most of us, you know, I wrote. I was hired as a feature player and a writer the first year. And I was going to be guaranteed seven shows to be on. But I was on every show because I write for myself. I got myself on there, you know, and so, you know, you had those great writers and then you had the cast that were writing too. Mike Myers came in with a lot of his stuff. Dana and I came up with Hans and Franz and some other things like that.

[Mark Normand]

And you almost made a movie about Hans and Franz.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, we did, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

With Schwarzenegger.

[Kevin Nealon]

With Schwarzenegger, yeah. So here's the thing, you know, Schwarzenegger loved those characters. And we came up with an idea to do a movie. He was gonna co star in it and co produce it. And I wrote it with Dana Smigel and Conan.

[Mark Normand]

Holy shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. Where's this flick? We gotta get that rebooted.

[Kevin Nealon]

It turned out to be a musical,

[Chris D'Elia]

which is really fun.

[Kevin Nealon]

And we, you know, we start out, we wanna go to the west coast to find our cousin Arnold. And so we live in Little Austria, which is in New York. You take the Roosevelt tramway up there and it's all in black and white. It's like next to Chinatown, but it's way up high.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And everything's black and white. And it's like the whole fifth, you know, 1820s, they're using the stick broom, you know, they're all like. So we just go off to the West Coast. We're on a bicycle built for two, heading all the way out there. We pick up hitchhikers along the way and they hook them up with the unicycle behind us. And. Yeah, so we wrote this movie and he was going to be in it and we were all excited about it. And it was gonna be at Sony. And then he had just done Last Action Hero where he carried himself a little bit. So he decided to go another way, another movie. So the problem was we relied too heavily on him. The part should have been Just a smaller part.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I think it would have rolled. But recently, he's, you know, he went on Conan's podcast, and me and Dana read it with Conan, and then Schwarzenegger comes on, you know, a couple weeks later, and just loving the script. You know, there's the movie, the Hans and Franz movie, the Gurney dilemma. It was so funny. You know, you go to the bathroom, they go, here's the directions. You go down the hall, you make a right at the pictorial statue. And then you go into the bathroom, and there'll be some buttocks, you know, with the. You know, it's all plaster stuff. And he loved it. And he was just laughing and just, you know, these guys, Dana Carvey and Kevin Neal, and they just. This is so funny. Yeah. Where were you 30 years ago?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where was this attitude?

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's hard, man. We're trying to make a movie right now, and. And we're not gonna happen.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's a miracle.

[Mark Normand]

Arnold Schwarzenegger, it's. I got a good feeling. He loves it. He loves it. No, but, you know, you attach a guy like Arnold, you feel like you're good to go. It's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I don't even know if he ever read it back then.

[Chris D'Elia]

He can't read. Let me ask you, though, this. You're on SNL for a couple years. When it's over, are you terrified?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Chris D'Elia]

You're just out there excited.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was. You know, I had done nine years on that show. That's a long time.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a long time.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was the longest. And. And I was kind of bored. I mean, I would be going on to do a sketch with food in my mouth from the craft service table.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'd be picking food out of my mouth as I'm doing a sketch, and my friends are in my dressing room. They're all crowded. It's a little room. They're crowded in there. They got a blender making margaritas, and they're watching some other show. I can't even get into the change. So when I left, I was fine. Plus, I had a sitcom to go to, too. It was the first. It was the first DreamWorks television show, and Steven Spielberg would be there and everything. It was called Champs Pull it Up. And they had a lot of. I don't even know if you'd be able to pull it up. They had a lot of. You could take it out. You can't pull it up. They had a lot of hands.

[Chris D'Elia]

Cooks in the kitchen.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, cooks in the kitchen. Not hands. In the kitchen. And it just got to be too crazy and it got canceled after like four or five episodes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Episodes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Did you like the show? Yeah, I kind of liked it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, this is so 90s. Oh, that guy.

[Mark Normand]

He's a regular guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Remember the next punchline before I play it?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I couldn't remember it then either.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, yeah. Once you got a sitcom in the

[Kevin Nealon]

90s, sitcom with Richard Lewis that was supposed to be great. It's called Hiller and Diller.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hiller and Diller. In fact, pull it up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, he was. I remember he was like 50 at the time, and he forget his lines and he look at me and go, I'm 50. I'm 50 years old. I can't remember that. Tell me what you're going to say exactly. Don't improvise that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jan Hooks. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

She was the most underrated. She's very good sketch actress on snl.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, this is revealing.

[Mark Normand]

Your age right here.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Is the phone light on?

[Mark Normand]

It's a loud ring.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was that Sandler?

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, Jan. Sorry about that, dude.

[Mark Normand]

You're in great shape, by the way.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am.

[Mark Normand]

You're kind of like. He's kind of ripped.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. Look at those arms. Good veins.

[Mark Normand]

Look at that. Holy. That's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

We call them guns, man. Where I come from.

[Mark Normand]

That is legit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, damn. Open carry.

[Mark Normand]

He could kick our ass, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, the thing about big guys is they're not that tough because they've never had to get in the fights. It's the little guys you got to look out for.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Look at you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sell.

[Kevin Nealon]

Accuse.

[Chris D'Elia]

Brad Williams will kill you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Brad Williams will take you down.

[Unknown Guest 2]

I looked up your purchasing power of your apartment with $4,000 in 1987.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

That would be like having any 11, 600 apartment today.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a month. 12, 2013, though.

[Unknown Guest 2]

No, 20, 26.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, sorry. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

[Mark Normand]

You were balling, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's a lot of money.

[Unknown Guest 2]

That's a lot of money.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's what I'm paying for rent now.

[Mark Normand]

Did you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. That's crazy, dude. Yeah, that was. It seemed like so much money back then.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's a lot of money.

[Kevin Nealon]

It was. Even for a rich guy like me.

[Mark Normand]

But then you were on Weeds for a while, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I was on Weeds for eight seasons. I was really lucky, man. I stepped into these things. But the. The Hillary and Diller thing with Richard Lewis was a really interesting show, and that was the same thing. It was highly touted. Commercial spots were. They were paying a Lot of money. You know, sponsors.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And yeah, Eugene Levy was on the show, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, he's great.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yep.

[Chris D'Elia]

Look at that height order.

[Kevin Nealon]

There we go, man. Wow. Richard Lewis was hilarious.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, he's great on Curb.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we always want him on the pod. We I DM with him a little bit.

[Kevin Nealon]

And how long were you guys doing this pod?

[Mark Normand]

Like, five years.

[Chris D'Elia]

Five years? Yeah. I opened for him once at Comics in Manhattan, and he was like, hey, all right, kid. All right. Need a briefcase. And he was being nice, and he goes, keep an eye on my briefcase while I go out there. And I was like, okay. And then he was about to go out there, and he looked at me and he looked at the briefcase, and he took it on stage. I guess he didn't trust me to watch it.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, what he would do to me is when we were on this show, he would call me at home to talk about the show and the sketches and stuff or the characters. And then if he said something where he got a big laugh from me, he would hang up. It was like a mic drop. And I didn't know he did. I go, so, Richard, when you do that part. Hello? Hello?

[Chris D'Elia]

I go, ah, nah, it's fun, you know, it's crazy. He went to baseball camp upstate with Larry David when they were, like, 8,

[Mark Normand]

and they hated each other.

[Chris D'Elia]

They hated each other. Yeah. And then they became friends in the comedy scene.

[Kevin Nealon]

I saw his memorial. They played a clip of him, like, on a Candid Camera show when he was probably 13.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

With another guy. So you could see his. All the mannerisms, you know, as a kid, it was so interesting to see that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I used to love. He had this.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's him. That's the one right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. 56.

[Mark Normand]

Richard, I've gone through your DAT and

[Kevin Nealon]

your other records in school

[Chris D'Elia]

for the

[Mark Normand]

past three and a half weeks now,

[Chris D'Elia]

and I've come to the very definite and firm conclusion that you are perfectly suited for manual labor. Yes. That's all. Just manual labor. Suited for manual labor.

[Ad Read Voice]

We know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Intelligence is manual labor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you got to see when his friend comes in, though. Can you play when his friends comes in?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Oh, sure. I'll find it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

If you scroll it.

[Mark Normand]

No, it looked like it was that one.

[Kevin Nealon]

It should be this one. I think he'll come in.

[Mark Normand]

I found the right one. I think you just got to go to the next.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Oh, I see.

[Kevin Nealon]

I see.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Never mind.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was he. Was it coke? What was his vice?

[Mark Normand]

Alcohol, I think.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh. Was it booze?

[Kevin Nealon]

Who knows? It was at least booze a couple things. He would come in and he wanted, you know, like I said, a glass of white wine.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Such a weird drink to be a drunk on.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know, classic.

[Kevin Nealon]

So he must have been doing other stuff.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think there's some heroin in there. He had a joke I loved as a kid where he said, I was dating a girl, she was really loose. I called her up once. I got an ear infection when I was a kid. My head exploded.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Who, who influenced you, Gu? Who did you emulate when you first started?

[Chris D'Elia]

Rodney Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Carlin.

[Kevin Nealon]

I remember one time I did a gig at a place called the Horn. It was like one of the last supper clubs, you know, and they have a singer, comic singer. And I finished my set and I'm really green at the time. And I'm walking past the bar in the back, it's kind of dark, and this guy with an old fashioned Mets hat tells me, yeah, it's really good, kid. Stay with it. It's Garland.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

And that, you know that. That kind of stuff makes you go for another year or so.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Damn.

[Chris D'Elia]

You know, he was so. I mean, Shandling said he met him at some random comedy club in like, Tempe. And he goes, jokes? Yeah. He's like, give me some. Some of your stuff. Let me see some of your stuff. And he came back the next day

[Unknown Guest 3]

and he read it all, put notes

[Chris D'Elia]

in it, and he said there was something funny on each page.

[Kevin Nealon]

Really?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Which is insane. He did homework for. For Shandling.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love writing jokes for other comics. Like when I go see it.

[Mark Normand]

You gave me a tag once, like many years. I opened for your Caroline's. I want to say, like, it must have been 15 years ago or something. And you gave me a tag. And I was like, oh, my God, no. No one does that. That was kind of cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I love doing tags, man, because I think about them a lot. See, I was going to give one to Whitney Cummings the other day and she wanted to know about it. She didn't want to have anything to do with it. I forget what it was, but. Yeah, I can't remember now. That's, you know, when you think of a joke, you got to write it down. At least I do. Otherwise you won't remember it later. And that's horrible. Isn't it the worst? Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

During sex, you're like, I gotta come immediately. I'm gonna lose this.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's like.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like losing a sneeze.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No. Middle of the night, phone voice. Memo back to sleep.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yep.

[Mark Normand]

For sure.

[Chris D'Elia]

And then people always do that shit where they go, if it's funny, you'll remember it. No, that's not true.

[Kevin Nealon]

I had a dream once. I was on, doing the Tonight show, and I come out and do my opening joke. Audience would not stop laughing. They would not stop laughing. And, you know, they had to end the show and they were still laughing. And I thought, I've discovered the perfect joke. I had the perfect joke. I was so excited, I woke myself up. I wrote it down. I wrote it down. I went back to bed, and I woke up later that morning, and I'm going, I'm on my way to the bathroom, and I go, wait a minute. I had that dream with the joke and I wrote it down. So I couldn't wait to get back and I, you know, get the paper off of the night. I could barely read it. I swear to God. It goes, take my wife, please.

[Chris D'Elia]

Come on.

[Kevin Nealon]

So I came up with that joke.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was a good joke.

[Mark Normand]

It was. So often, though, you write it down, you're like, this was funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

That's why I stopped smoking weed. I was like, I think something was funny. I was like, this isn't funny.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

I ran into Letterman a year. He goes, I often quote your joke. It's the funniest joke ever. It's a Lincoln joke. I go, which one? He goes, the Lincoln joke. Like I should know right off the bat what it's. I said, well, I'm not sure. He goes, well, you know the Lincoln where you go. I said, tell me what it is. He goes, well, you know, you say, you know, Lincoln used to walk to school every day in the snow. But what they don't tell you is he was always late. I thought, oh, okay. I don't really remember that one. He goes, well, I've been giving you credit for it. So I thought, well, maybe it is mine. So the next time I went to a club, I tried it. Crickets. Nothing. So it must not have been my joke.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wonder who that could be. Yeah. Lincoln snow. What's the punchline?

[Kevin Nealon]

Is that he's late.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like they bragged that he walked in the snow, but he's late.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, well, I get why it didn't work.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

But my best audience is a dinner party. Because then you kind of riff with people, do some crowd work, and it's funny, you know, and then that's where you can really find out. That's where you need a notebook. Right under the or. At least record it. Have a recording, you know, going on.

[Mark Normand]

I got quoted for a joke. I didn't say once. And I was like, that's not bad. It was.

[Kevin Nealon]

I.

[Mark Normand]

Someone just tagged me and it was like, have you noticed that the Beatles are dying in the. In the order of how cool they are? That's pretty good. I wish I did write that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, it's true. I mean, Paul's the man.

[Kevin Nealon]

How much longer do you think these guys will go? Like Mick Jagger and.

[Mark Normand]

And he looks pretty good.

[Chris D'Elia]

They're inspiring, probably, but I thought about two years ago, they were cooking, they were moving, they were rocking out. Mick was bopping and weaving.

[Mark Normand]

It is amazing that everyone's like, all these health gurus are just dying. And Keith Richards goes on.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's wild.

[Mark Normand]

He's just cooking.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Is he healthy now or is he just still like it?

[Chris D'Elia]

He looks like a lizard.

[Kevin Nealon]

I said hello to him at the 50th SNL reunion.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he shook my hand, and it's just, you know, he hasn't done any manual labor. It was like a baby's hand. It was so soft and kind of, like, small.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And his cheeks were so plump. I was feeling his cheeks. And his lips. His lips were so greasy. I did see Paul McCartney there. I remember such small talk. I was giving such small talk, which he gets all the time, probably, right? I knew him from, like, he was on the show when I was there, and from the 40th I knew him, and so he must get this all the time. I go, hey, Paul, how's it going? He goes, I said, that was a great choice of songs, man. Golden Slumbers. He goes, well, you know, Lon wanted me to do that one. And I said, it doesn't matter, man, but I'm sure you had other songs you could fall back on, right? Trying to joke around. He goes, yeah, well, you know. Oh, let me introduce you to my niece, my nephew. And he brings me over to these four tall guys, black hair, look nothing like him. And he brought me in there and he left. He left me with those guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, no.

[Kevin Nealon]

I thought that's. That's how you do it, man. He's been doing. He's got all kinds of tricks.

[Chris D'Elia]

I bet that's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

That's some Jedi shit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Come over here for a second. Peace forever.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well gone.

[Chris D'Elia]

Dana Gould said he met Paul McCartney and he's like, all right, Paul McCartney, Beetle. Gotta be cool. Gotta be cool. And he goes up to Paul and he just immediately falls out. He's like, oh, my God. You're the king. I love it. Paul goes, take a minute and then come back. And Dana was like, man, he. Like, he's had this happen so much. He has, like, a regiment. He knows what to do.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah. He's got it all down there. He's doing it for you. And the way he walks from a car into the building,

[Mark Normand]

it's hard to do if you're having a bad day, right. Your friend dies, you walk in.

[Kevin Nealon]

But, yeah, I remember looking at his mouth, just looking out his mouth, because he had no moles on his face like Andy Kaufman. And I thought, those are the lips where all those songs came out of.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, hey Jude, yesterday, All those get back. And the tongue sent them out. The tongue pushed them out.

[Chris D'Elia]

Crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Dissecting the whole thing, you know? And it was weird just being that close to him. Seeing somebody that famous. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who's someone that you. Because you've seen so many people. Who's someone that you feel starstruck around? Because it can't be that often, given how many people you've been around.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, no, it's very rare. Jack Nicholson, maybe.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, where'd you meet him?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did a movie with him. With Sandler? Anger management.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where? I played a lawyer.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I ended up throwing, like, a tennis ball. I think I. I hit him in the head or something with it. I'm not sure what that. And a year later, Sandler told me. He says he runs in the Jack Nicholson, and he goes, how's that lawyer friend of yours? Like, he thought I was a real lawyer.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. He remembered you.

[Kevin Nealon]

He did remember me.

[Chris D'Elia]

What's he.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why does he want to know how I am? What's going on?

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Was the interaction good with him or. No,

[Kevin Nealon]

it wasn't much. Yeah. You know, I mean, he loves Sandler. All these guys love Sandler. They're intimidated by him, I think, but I don't think. He barely saw me, you know, registered. It's like, you know, we're touring with Sandler. It's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like nobody. We're not even in the room. You could be naked. Yeah. And running around.

[Mark Normand]

Then they really wouldn't see me. No, he really. It's amazing. Now, I remember we were in some hotel, and I think it was in Atlanta, and there was a wedding party, and Spade just ran up behind the party and photobombed them, and they're like, oh, my God. And Sandler comes around, and Spade just runs over and goes, don't you dare let them know something better is around the corner. I know Sandler has that effect. You just like. It's also hilarious just hooping with him because you just see, like, when guys take it too hard, he'll kind of let him know in his game.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And I love it. Like, you know, he'll do the head pop with the ball a little bit.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

And I love it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Because I'm just like, oh, he's pissed, but he's not gonna be a dick. But he's gonna let him know he's

[Kevin Nealon]

a tough guy, too.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No, it feels good when you're on this team and you win it. Definitely.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're like, all right, I better work for the extra rebounds.

[Kevin Nealon]

I notice he's slowing down a little bit.

[Mark Normand]

Well, you know, late 50s.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is he in the late 50s?

[Mark Normand]

Right?

[Chris D'Elia]

Pull it up, old Sandler.

[Kevin Nealon]

Pull it up.

[Mark Normand]

He's still playing, though. I mean, I know it's impressive to still be.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was. I. I just kind of gradually stopped playing.

[Chris D'Elia]

59. 59. There you go.

[Kevin Nealon]

I just stopped playing because, you know, you just get so many injuries and, you know, your body starts hurting.

[Mark Normand]

But you played in Shandling's game, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, we played there a lot. And those were amazing, those games. It was almost like a. You know, he was like the host of a talk show. I said, who we got on? Who do we got on this Sunday? You know, we got Duchovny coming in.

[Mark Normand]

Steven Seagal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Steven Seagal.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then afterwards, we'd have, you know, just gather in his little TV room, had a TV on with the game, sound down. And Adam McKay would be there. Judd Apatow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

And can Judd hoop. I hate the size.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nobody was really that good at those games. You know, it was all kind of mediocre. You know who was good was. Duchovny was good. Yeah. George Clooney was. They both had the same kind of minimalist moves, like from Princeton, because the company played for Princeton. And, you know, just good outside shot, you know, never really over. Never worked up a sweat.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I remember one day, Tom Petty came.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Walking down the pathway. I thought Tom Petty played basketball. He was fully on street clothes, no shorts or anything. Anyway, it turns out he was just watching because he knows Gary from the Larry Sanders show because he was on that. And he sat on the bench by the court, and he had his legs crossed. I want my balls. Legs crossed. And. But it wasn't just once. It seemed like it was like A rope where he went around like a couple of times because he's so thin.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, and he had a cigarette. He's chain smoking one hand, and he always had another cigarette ready to go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

When this one burned out, he was just bringing it in the mouth like that.

[Chris D'Elia]

Crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah. So that was fun. And then afterwards you have like, you know, you'd hang out in that little TV room with the game on and Adam McKay and stuff, and they'd be asking him questions. Cause he was like the mentor to everybody. And he'd be sitting in a chair like this, and we'd be all sitting around, you know, suddenly recovering, you know, still red and sweating. And we just talk about comedy. And it was such a great hang.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

He'd have catered food, you know, from some deli nearby. And I knew in his cupboard he had my favorite cookies. It was full of like Pepperidge Farm double chocolate Milano cookies lined up. And everything was so neat in this house. You open up the refrigerator, there's no leftovers in there. It's all like, you know, Perrier is lined up clean, you know, maybe a little something from the deli the night before, but still. Yeah, on it, you know.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did you ever see his documentary, the one that Apatow did?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know. But I don't know if you saw it because there's that great part in the end where he. His girl wants to get married, and he's kind of like, I don't know if I'm a marriage guy. And he goes, how about this? We'll get married when we finish building the house. So he just kept adding wings onto the house because he didn't want it to end so he'd have to get married.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's interesting too, because you're. He's definitely a hero of yours. You had a kid late, was it? Were there ever points where you're like, asking him, what do I do?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, not for that. Because he was totally, totally blank on that kind of stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he was a.

[Kevin Nealon]

He had trouble committing, too. Yeah. You know, but. But I remember seeing him like a couple of days before he died. We were at this restaurant in Malibu, a PCH outside. And I said, gary, you seeing anybody these days? He said, well, I have a therapist that I've been going to. And. No, I said, no, I don't mean therapy. I mean, he was thinking. He goes, no, you know, just got to get my health together first.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. You see, it's always something, something. He's got to Do.

[Kevin Nealon]

But he did tell me how he.

[Mark Normand]

This is funny.

[Kevin Nealon]

He. I said, gary, how do you. When you invite somebody back to your room, how do you, like, make that move? He goes, what I do is I sit on the side of the bed and she's standing over there. And I'll check my answering machine. A little beeper at the time, landline. And I'll be checking it and listening. And then I'll go like this to her. Yeah. You know, kind of like this is not the. Another sit here. I'm going to be on the phone. So it's not like. And then you know him. And then it would start from there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Did he date Sharon Stone or am I crazy?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think he did.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think so.

[Mark Normand]

I mean it was definitely in the show. I don't know if it was real.

[Chris D'Elia]

Pull that up. But pretty. He had quite a dating history.

[Kevin Nealon]

He died. He actually did. He was. He was charming.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's very charming. Enlightened, gay.

[Kevin Nealon]

And he'd do a lot of jokes about his mother, how she wanted to marry him or something. And my favorite joke I did at the memorial actually was my favorite. My biggest fear is that Gary Shannon will spend the rest of eternity with his mother now.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. Sharon Stone and Linda Doucette and Silverman. Holy moly. He got the young.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, Sarah would always play basketball with us too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Caitlin Clark.

[Unknown Guest 2]

That's not bad.

[Kevin Nealon]

Michael Jackson. Scroll back down there.

[Unknown Guest 2]

He's ranked 5, 4, 10 of all people who've ever dated.

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't know what that means.

[Unknown Guest 2]

I don't know what it means either, but there's a ranking apparently.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah, all right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you ever go on AI? My son went on AI chatgpt and he typed in is Kevin Nealon handsome?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, God,

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't remember exactly, but it's something to the effect that, you know, comedy is very appealing to women.

[Mark Normand]

It was like one of those things that's amazing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let's see what it says.

[Chris D'Elia]

Let's see what we got here. Chat gbt Many people would say Kevin Hill is kind of understated. Classic comedy. Comedy handsome. Oh, that's bad. Yeah. Comedy handsome's handsome.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's calm, sly demeanor. Agent of that silver haired dad whose golf aesthetic plays pretty well. Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's never really marketed as a heartthrob. Some actors are.

[Chris D'Elia]

You don't want to be a hard throb as a comedian.

[Kevin Nealon]

Effortlessly effortless.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Who would want Matt Rife's you guys playing arenas, banging. What a horrible life that would be.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let's check and see. Sam's Sam Sansom. All right, let's see Sam who?

[Mark Normand]

It's gonna nag me and call me ugly.

[Chris D'Elia]

Here we go.

[Mark Normand]

There's no Sam Kinison.

[Chris D'Elia]

A lot of people would say yes, especially within comedy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, okay. Good bone structure, tired eyes, tall just as cleanly as a deep voice.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hey. Ah, this knows its stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm a little disappointed. I thought it'd be really, really.

[Chris D'Elia]

He's not movie star polished.

[Kevin Nealon]

We could.

[Mark Normand]

We could have ended the first paragraph, and I would have felt very good about myself.

[Kevin Nealon]

I guess.

[Mark Normand]

Actually. Actually, I take back everything I said.

[Kevin Nealon]

He doesn't smell well.

[Mark Normand]

Are we throwing Norman in there?

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah, don't do me. I can't handle it. Oh, no.

[Kevin Nealon]

But who's the funniest out of the three?

[Chris D'Elia]

I wish my mom wrote this. Every man handsome. Ah, that means mediocre.

[Kevin Nealon]

It means just like every other guy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Impressive eyes, good hair, expressive eyes. Oh, expressive. I don't know about that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes. His earlobes deserve their own billing. No way to get a roast beef sandwich.

[Mark Normand]

Roast beef sandwich at midnight in Queens. No, you fucking don't.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my.

[Chris D'Elia]

Kevin James.

[Mark Normand]

This scam right here. You don't know where to get a fucking sandwich in Brooklyn, let alone Queens.

[Kevin Nealon]

Almost presidential if the president exclusively discussed airline snacks and diarrhea. What?

[Chris D'Elia]

I don't discuss airline snacks.

[Mark Normand]

I like how they asked about his looks, and they're like. And he only tells shitty jokes as well.

[Chris D'Elia]

And a roast beef.

[Kevin Nealon]

Roast beef.

[Mark Normand]

This thing's got. It's got a ways to go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank God.

[Mark Normand]

I also don't think I have good bone stroke.

[Kevin Nealon]

Cut that out.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, those guys must be ranked pretty high in the dating list.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

We're talking about LA in the 80s,

[Kevin Nealon]

because Jack Nicholson's not really handsome by standards.

[Mark Normand]

No, but he's just so cool that he's like.

[Kevin Nealon]

Bob Dylan's not, like, a real good singer either.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right, right. But it works.

[Kevin Nealon]

It works.

[Mark Normand]

It's authentic. Nicholson cool goes a long way. Think, like, if Nicholson got, like, everyone's fixing their hair now. What if Nicholson fixes hair? He wouldn't be as cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

Good point.

[Mark Normand]

The balding was kind of cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

I agree.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm just reading the Shining now. The book? Yeah. Better than the movie, but I picture him in it. That was such a good movie of his.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

By the way, ranked 181Nicholson on the dating list.

[Mark Normand]

I wonder who's ranked one.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like a rock star.

[Chris D'Elia]

Will Chamberlain could be Chamberlain.

[Unknown Guest 2]

All right, dating history. Here we go.

[Kevin Nealon]

What does that mean, though? Exactly.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Moss.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. Wow. This is.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, Sharon Stone's on every one of them.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, man, she got around.

[Mark Normand]

She bums you up a notch, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Amber Smith.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't care.

[Chris D'Elia]

Angie Everhard Nicholson. Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

We haven't even gotten to the seventies yet.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, right. Oh, man. Karen Mayo. Sonia Morgan from Housewives.

[Kevin Nealon]

People are.

[Mark Normand]

But they all look good.

[Chris D'Elia]

They look great. Winnie Holden.

[Kevin Nealon]

Amish guy. Look at the Amish woman there. Rachel Dickinson. Yeah. Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Apparently he had a huge hug.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kelly LeBrock.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

LeBrock.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think it's Pretty Woman. Or Weird Science.

[Chris D'Elia]

Weird Science.

[Mark Normand]

Angelica Houston. Damn this list. You know, this guy did well when it took that long to get to Angelica. Damn.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Veruchka Von Lederhoff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is this all verified?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Don't go to Michael Jackson's page. It's gonna be really depressing.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jared Fogel next.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is there an end to this?

[Chris D'Elia]

No. Oh, my. Madonna.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Heidi Flies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa. She was a madam. You're so vain.

[Ad Read Voice]

You're so vain.

[Chris D'Elia]

Eh.

[Kevin Nealon]

And also this guy. He was also with this guy.

[Mark Normand]

I bet Warren Beatty's in the mix, too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, pull it up.

[Mark Normand]

We're talking all time poonhounds.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, good one.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Warren Beatty.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's the worst spelling. They couldn't even find it.

[Mark Normand]

B, E, A, T, T. Why?

[Chris D'Elia]

There you go.

[Unknown Guest 2]

And then Warren.

[Mark Normand]

W, A, R, R. Well, Warren comes first. I didn't know I'd have to be that specific.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, jeez. Beatty.

[Ad Read Voice]

All right.

[Chris D'Elia]

With an E. Nothing E. Spell EA.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Start from B.

[Mark Normand]

This is great podcasting right here. Just us spelling E, A, B, T, T, Y.

[Chris D'Elia]

Guy.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Thank you.

[Mark Normand]

There we go.

[Chris D'Elia]

There he is. See the photo?

[Mark Normand]

He's got to be up there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, totally.

[Chris D'Elia]

250.

[Mark Normand]

That's pretty.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nicholson's higher than him.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nicholson beat him.

[Ad Read Voice]

You know why?

[Mark Normand]

Because he got married.

[Chris D'Elia]

Leo. Leo's gonna have a run.

[Mark Normand]

But he got married. That's why.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because he.

[Mark Normand]

He tapped out after Bugsy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right. Another Madonna. They were in a Dick Tracy. Oh, Daryl Hannah. Hello.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kelly McGillis.

[Chris D'Elia]

She had a rough. Mary Tyler Moore. Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Comedy. I love it.

[Chris D'Elia]

Janice again.

[Mark Normand]

Diane Keaton's a big one. Because you got personality there, too.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Just look at this trifecta right here. This is crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

That was all the same night. Those three.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Jackson. Michelle Phillips again.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa. Barbara Minty.

[Kevin Nealon]

We should keep score.

[Chris D'Elia]

Baby Buell.

[Kevin Nealon]

Baby Buell again.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Harley Simon again.

[Chris D'Elia]

Melanie Griff.

[Mark Normand]

They swung in the same circles.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, yeah. Look at that mouth.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, my gosh.

[Chris D'Elia]

Goldie. Joni.

[Mark Normand]

I think the first part of this was an interview. And now it's just three horny guys.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jane Fonda, Barbara, who went to, like, good stories.

[Mark Normand]

Look at her mouth, her bone structure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Holy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Well, we did ourselves shelves too, just to keep it even.

[Kevin Nealon]

Next, you know, we're watching movies.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Speaking of which, you guys want to get a roast beef sandwich? I know a spot.

[Mark Normand]

Damn. Yeah, Pull up a Jeter.

[Unknown Guest 2]

I found out who's number one, by the way.

[Mark Normand]

Who?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Sabrina Carpenter.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Mark Normand]

Number one.

[Chris D'Elia]

How's that work?

[Kevin Nealon]

What does that mean?

[Unknown Guest 2]

I have no idea.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I guess guy she did banged

[Chris D'Elia]

a bunch of guys.

[Kevin Nealon]

Can't be right.

[Chris D'Elia]

I didn't know women like 24 guys.

[Unknown Guest 2]

There's six guys.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. This is rigged.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

What does that mean?

[Mark Normand]

Nicholson and Beatty had a life. Holy do Leo them right before they die, their life flashing before their eyes. Oh, they're gonna come. It's gonna be epic. It's gonna be so cool.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, that's true.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you think they ever lay in bed going, okay, let's start from the beginning. Who was I with?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yes, I do. That a woman.

[Mark Normand]

You did ask you like, who are you with for them? They're like, do you have like four. Four weeks or something?

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. What's your body get? Sixteen. That's the age you made me do it.

[Mark Normand]

Sixteen is. That's a high ranking.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's impressive. See, it's almost cooler when you've never heard of them, because that means they're like some Russian model.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Yeah, these three top three are all in 2023.

[Chris D'Elia]

Geez.

[Unknown Guest 2]

These also.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

We're not out of 2023.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Oh, these women are all smoking.

[Mark Normand]

And they're all young as Jesus. They're too young.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah, speak for yourself, Alina.

[Unknown Guest 3]

They're all legal.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, my God. This looks like a Ford modeling agency just flipping through it. Rihanna in 2015.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Rihanna too.

[Chris D'Elia]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Was that before or after Chris Brown?

[Chris D'Elia]

They both hit that.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Oh, my God.

[Chris D'Elia]

Sorry. All right, well, that's a good run

[Unknown Guest 2]

here for Leo too.

[Chris D'Elia]

All right, all right.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Pete Diddy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Rumor. You can't put rumors in. If that's true, I'm up to 12.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, the rumor is that he molested Leo?

[Chris D'Elia]

Apparently.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Carmen Electra, Paris Hilton.

[Mark Normand]

Would you.

[Chris D'Elia]

Is that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. By the way, that should knock you into the two hundreds at least.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Still be in the top 16 after that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I think Epstein's one Giselle.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where's P. Diddy right now?

[Chris D'Elia]

Vanessa Trump.

[Mark Normand]

He's in prison.

[Chris D'Elia]

He is, is he? Oh, he's with Luigi. Yeah. Same prison as Luigi to meet More hot tamale. Claire Danes.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Heather Graham, Juliet Lewis, Christina Aguilou.

[Mark Normand]

They saved the big name to the end, Michelle Rodrigue. Wow.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, go up to Irina Shank. Holy hachi dick cheese. Yeah. That's Bradley Cooper's wife.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh.

[Chris D'Elia]

So I guess I love it.

[Mark Normand]

Mark and I, literally, every. Every week, we're like. We get in a lot of trouble with the women in our lives from just podcast clips, and they're like, how should we close out this week's episode? Oh, my God. Look at her. Holy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, you're single, but he's married with kids.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's true.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, this pot has definitely put the brakes on some relationships.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah. Yeah. We got to cool it.

[Mark Normand]

We got to cool it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But no, I'm. I'm. I'm maybe in something now, so we'll

[Kevin Nealon]

see

[Chris D'Elia]

the Knicks game lady.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Wow. That's. You put it out there in the world.

[Unknown Guest 3]

That's public.

[Kevin Nealon]

How exciting, though, is this time right now, dude, Infatuation time.

[Mark Normand]

Trying to. Oh, I think the Knicks

[Chris D'Elia]

playoffs.

[Mark Normand]

You made someone.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm like.

[Mark Normand]

You're right. Jaylen Brunson.

[Kevin Nealon]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Is everybody twinkle in his eyes? Yeah, no, I. No, it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Dude.

[Mark Normand]

It's. That's fun, and she's very cool.

[Kevin Nealon]

So she see you at the club? Is that where she saw you?

[Mark Normand]

No, I. Hinge, dude.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hinge is big.

[Mark Normand]

No, Hing.

[Kevin Nealon]

You go on the.

[Mark Normand]

I. Dude, I was on there for not long, and. And she was hot. I swiped, and I was like, boom. And as a kid, in the. In the gay example.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, perfect.

[Mark Normand]

Cool gay X. He's not like a fun gay X. He's like a sad gay X. All right, that's fine.

[Chris D'Elia]

But there's no competition.

[Mark Normand]

No, that's nice. I hope not.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you think if there was no. Oh, please don't.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Number one one relationship.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, great. That's a hell of a photo they got, huh?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Geez.

[Mark Normand]

Well, what the hell has happened in my life at that point? When did I get bangs that'll happen to my face?

[Kevin Nealon]

Your P. Diddy cellmate right here.

[Mark Normand]

What if it was just Taylor and P. Diddy?

[Kevin Nealon]

The number is how many you've been with.

[Unknown Guest 2]

No, that's relationships total. His ranking is no ranking.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah, her photo's not great either. Cut it there. We got that.

[Mark Normand]

You can keep it. Who gives a.

[Chris D'Elia]

Okay, well, pull up Nealon's history. No, I'm just kidding.

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah. Kevin, you want to plug some dates coming up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, no, I got a. You know, a special that's out on YouTube called Loosen the crotch.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice jokes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Give it a watch.

[Kevin Nealon]

Right now, there's my little schedule that people can check out my schedule on kevanealon.com. there we go.

[Unknown Guest 2]

We got May 22nd in Houston.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

23rd, also Houston. 24th. And then Pottstown, Penn.

[Mark Normand]

The 20th.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, we know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Soul Jules getting exhausted looking at this.

[Unknown Guest 1]

This.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nah.

[Unknown Guest 2]

And then in June, it's Solana Beach, California Covina. Tulsa, Oklahoma on the 11th.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Woo.

[Unknown Guest 2]

To the 13th, which is nice. Pittsburgh on the 19th.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice.

[Unknown Guest 2]

I don't know where Ridgefield, Washington is, but you'll be there on.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's with Dana Carvey. And also the zoo below that. We're at a zoo.

[Chris D'Elia]

What?

[Unknown Guest 2]

Ohio? Cleveland, Ohio. Hilarities.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, the best.

[Chris D'Elia]

Great room Lives.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Wow. It's great. Boston in August.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, Wilbur, these are all.

[Kevin Nealon]

These are all the cities I've been with.

[Chris D'Elia]

You've been inside of them?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is it funny? You know, even when you post where you're gonna be, you never put.

[Mark Normand]

It's a club.

[Kevin Nealon]

You just put Cincinnati, Ohio.

[Chris D'Elia]

Right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, this must be. What theater is that at? Oh, it's a comedy club.

[Chris D'Elia]

That is true. True.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. So I got that special that's out there right now.

[Mark Normand]

And say the name one more time.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's called Loosen the crotch. It's on YouTube. That's part of the 800 pound gorilla

[Mark Normand]

platform and it's doing really well.

[Chris D'Elia]

Over half a mil.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

And it just came out.

[Kevin Nealon]

And then I got a movie. The mermaid movie is out May 26th. Oh, and the hiking show. I do hiking with Kevin on YouTube.

[Chris D'Elia]

Nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I've done like 170 hikes.

[Chris D'Elia]

Jeez.

[Mark Normand]

And you get huge guests in there. So I said with Tom Hanks and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Whoa.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Conan and Bryan Cranston.

[Unknown Guest 3]

Wow.

[Kevin Nealon]

But. And then, you know, my wife and I were executive producers on a documentary that got nominated for an Oscar called Come See Me in the Good Light. And we went to the Oscars this year. It was crazy.

[Chris D'Elia]

Whoa.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And we didn't win, but it's on Apple tv. You could check it out. Come see me in the good light. There you go.

[Chris D'Elia]

Was that a Conan hosting? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Did you get to go to the after party?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, but not the good one. This one with the improv. That was the Governor's ball.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, nice.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't think he was there. Or she was there. Whoever it is.

[Chris D'Elia]

Newsome.

[Kevin Nealon]

So now we're down into. Who's this?

[Mark Normand]

Is this me?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm at Verona New York at the Turning Show Casino, June 6th. And then I'm going to. I'm off for a while, but I'll add some stuff. I got late August, Lisbon, then Athens. You got to go click see all.

[Kevin Nealon]

How does that happen? What is in Athens?

[Mark Normand]

Doing a venue there.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is it like a big club or.

[Mark Normand]

It's pretty big, actually. It's someone.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, 800?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I think so.

[Kevin Nealon]

And how did you get that?

[Mark Normand]

My agent just. I was like, I just want to go to Athens, and I'll see if it does. Some of these are looking good, and some are looking. Budapest is looking really bad. So I'm just pumped to go to Budapest, but that's looking rough. Zagreb, for some reason, is looking really good. So keep buying Croatia.

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, God.

[Mark Normand]

We got Vienna.

[Kevin Nealon]

Is this from YouTube specials? Netflix specials.

[Chris D'Elia]

From everything.

[Mark Normand]

It must be everything accumulation.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Now, when I said, how did you get these? I meant, are you that funny,

[Mark Normand]

Kevin? But I have really good bone structure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Bedroom Warsaw is supposed to be beautiful, I heard.

[Chris D'Elia]

That's what I hear.

[Mark Normand]

That's right here. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

How long are you in each town?

[Mark Normand]

Like, one couple nights?

[Kevin Nealon]

One evening?

[Mark Normand]

No, I make sure a couple nights each. And then Helsinki's only one night. And then. Yes, then I got Stockholm in Copenhagen, and hopefully Mark and I are shooting a movie this summer.

[Kevin Nealon]

We'll see. But I'm so jealous, man. This is what I always wanted to do. I went to Paris last summer and did a gig there. And it was just a little room, like, set, like 60 people.

[Mark Normand]

So fun, though.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's fun. And then they have these other little clubs, literally 20 people. They seat, you know, it's upstairs in some place. But I always wanted to do something like this. And it's not like, a lot of money, is it? How much is it? No, they don't pay a lot of money, so it's almost like it's a free vacation. I mean, with the planes and, you know, the hotels. Right.

[Mark Normand]

It'll be fun.

[Chris D'Elia]

It's gonna be great.

[Kevin Nealon]

It will be fun. There's no doubt about it. I would. I would die to do that.

[Chris D'Elia]

I did that Athens room. It was good. The crowds there. Great. They're grateful you come. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Are they American?

[Chris D'Elia]

Not really, but they speak English.

[Mark Normand]

Speak English. Go. Yeah. Everybody goes, know it's a dude. I. I was in Milan last year, and they were good. It's. It's shocking how good they are.

[Chris D'Elia]

And they know all our American stuff, you know, they know all about our politics and movie stars and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you go by train or how do you get to these places?

[Chris D'Elia]

I just jumped around on a flight to flight.

[Ad Read Voice]

Yeah, some.

[Mark Normand]

Some places you can take. I have to do a car for one of them. But then it's mostly short, like hour flights.

[Kevin Nealon]

They have Ubers there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And. And who books all the travel for you? Like your manager?

[Chris D'Elia]

Agent.

[Kevin Nealon]

An agent. Yeah. Dang, man.

[Chris D'Elia]

With the Internet, it's all life, man. International. It's all right.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Where are you gonna be, Mark?

[Chris D'Elia]

Oh, where am I gonna be? Spokane Comedy Club.

[Kevin Nealon]

Back to the States.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're back in the clubs, baby. Helium. Philly. Come on out. Milwaukee. Improv. Irvine Improv. Let's sell that puppy.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's where I film my special urban improv.

[Chris D'Elia]

The great room.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Chris D'Elia]

Tempe Improv. Detroit area. Royal Oak. Yep. Larry. Cleveland again. And Emerald City. I've never been there. I'm trying that out. That's a Seattle and yeah, that'll. That'll Tampa and Cobbs in SF and then Houston. Improv.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, it's a great room you guys got. I bet you haven't worked there is up in Eugene, Oregon. It's called. I forget what it's called.

[Mark Normand]

Patel had the funniest line on Eugene. Or he goes Eugene, Oregon, as I call it. The town that make up for. Gosh,

[Chris D'Elia]

that's fun. Oh, yeah. We got pushing Boulder, about to hit 400k. That's a little documentary me and Sally made about trying to work on material and tweak material before.

[Mark Normand]

It's special right there.

[Chris D'Elia]

Ah, Roast beef sandwich and. Yeah, look at that stuff.

[Unknown Guest 2]

Almost 400k views.

[Chris D'Elia]

We're getting there. We're getting there. Oh, it's hungover. All right, I'm hungover now. Hey, Netflix Fest, thanks for having us. Kevin, thanks for popping in.

[Kevin Nealon]

Thanks for having me, man. Yeah, loosen the crotch on YouTube.

[Chris D'Elia]

Loosen the crotch.

[Kevin Nealon]

Kevin.com. for my schedule, let's get to a million good light Hiking with Kevin.

[Chris D'Elia]

Hell yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Watch Hiking with Kevin. Those are awesome.

[Kevin Nealon]

I turned this off like 5 minutes ago. I got Cleveland coming up.

[Chris D'Elia]

That was all right.

[Mark Normand]

That was awesome.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of piva wreck. You know, the beer juice.

[Kevin Nealon]

Close.

[Unknown Guest 1]

I've had a little too much burping. And Norman's talking shit about the fucking poke. And I get down in the same way up on the roof like a cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans this woman doesn't look like I remember her and I get down in the same way we might be true.