Sam Morril & Mark Normand

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Might Be Drunk — Sam Morril & Mark Normand

Date: August 10, 2026
Hosts: Mark Normand & Sam Morril
Produced by Gotham Production Studios, LLC

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Overview

In this lively episode, NYC comedians Mark Normand and Sam Morril reunite for a self-described "solo" episode that’s anything but dull. They dive deep into the comedy world, riff on current events, tell personal stories from the road, talk shop about stand-up material, and share what’s grinding their gears lately. True to the show’s spirit, there’s hearty banter, relentless punchlines, and candid moments about the emotional ups and downs of being a comedian.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Comedy World Rumors & Clickbait Culture

[00:16–02:01]

• The hosts joke about internet rumors regarding unreleased podcast episodes and enjoy poking fun at fans’ love of backstage drama.
• Mark and Sam discuss how clickbait headlines (“Mark Normand goes off on Segura!”) distort innocent comments into drama fodder.
  • Quote: “Everything’s bait now. It’s all bait. We’re all fish.” – Mark Normand [01:51]
• The recent divorce of comedians Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky is addressed, noting the difficulty of continuing creative projects with ex-partners.
• The trend of softening language (e.g., “server” vs. “waiter,” “unhoused” vs. “homeless”) is ridiculed as attacking language rather than real issues.
  • Mark: “You’re attacking the language and not the actual situation.” [03:48]

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2. Stand-Up Bits & Little People Riffs

[04:30–07:43]

• The group riffs, in classic rough comic fashion, on euphemisms like “little people” and the peculiarities of sizing, food, and society’s approach.
• They reference a John Mulaney bit about the relative offensiveness of the word “midget”.
  • “I love that they say midget’s more offensive than the N word. He goes, well, that’s not true because we're saying one of the words.” – Mark Normand [07:00]
• Appreciation for Mulaney’s current NYC run, with admiration for his boldness and comedic skill.

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3. Performance Stories: The Highs and Lows of the Road

[08:10–16:41]

• Mark recounts a brutal private gig in Greece: outdoor venue, tough crowd, with only a few audience members laughing. He describes the challenge of bombarding the crowd with his best material and still bombing.
  • “You ever go through like an hour 15 of material in like 20 minutes?” – Mark Normand [12:47]
  • A highlight: a Russian audience member clarifying, “this is not Russian humor.”
• Mark describes the emotional aftermath, emphasizing how bombing at the Comedy Cellar hits much harder than at a poorly matched private.
• Discussion of relaxing on vacation afterwards, appreciating the change of scenery (with an anecdote about a bad Parisian steak and the frustrations of French fine dining).
• Mark’s "peeve": people vaping at restaurants in Paris, which feels less classy than traditional cigarettes.
  • “If Parisians are smoking vape, Paris is dead. The whole thing with Paris is the little long gay cigarette. And now you’re on vape.” – Bobby Lee [18:19]
• The conversation turns briefly to cigars and masculinity.

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4. Florida Stories: Dolphins, Dad Life, and a Missing Watch

[20:01–24:53]

• Mark recounts taking his toddler on a dolphin tour in Florida, only for the child to be more interested in mimicking tourists than dolphins.
• A comedy of errors unfolds as Mark loses a new watch, suspects the hotel staff, goes into full “Karen” mode, then embarrassingly discovers his son hid the watch in his crib.
  • “The kid took it, he put it in his little dumb layer.” – Mark Normand [23:32]
• Reflection on being the cranky guest and the importance of apologizing when you’re wrong.

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5. Tampa Comedy and Unexpected Medical Emergencies

[24:54–29:26]

• Mark shares a story from a sold-out Tampa club show where an audience member had a seizure, leading to an onstage dilemma: riff or pause the show?
  • “Do I zing or do I stop the show? Because you want to be a professional.” [25:41]
• Recounting similar moments—poking fun at the comic tradition of making light of even serious situations—balanced with empathy and quick thinking.

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6. Edibles, Panic Attacks, and the Perils of Weed

[29:27–34:07]

• Both hosts share their distaste for edibles and weed, relating it to past panic attacks.
  • “Every time I smoke a joint, I go, that was a mistake. Right after it hits me.” – Bobby Lee [30:08]
• Mark tells the story of his only panic attack, which happened during a math test after failing out of college, capped off by an odd encounter with a heroin-using classmate.
  • “That's when you know you're going through something, is when a woman comes on to you and you're like, I can't do this.” – Mark Normand [33:19]
• They reflect on sliding doors moments in life and the meandering path to comedy.

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7. Formative Comedy Moments

[34:07–42:19]

• Mark recalls early fears of going up at open mics, and being starstruck by a comic (Chris Fontana) before discovering that even his heroes repeated material.
• Bobby and Mark both reminisce about comics from their early scene who made big impressions.
  • “Live comedy…you feel an energy. And sometimes the bit wasn't good, but there was a confidence and, like, a swagger to certain guys.” – Mark Normand [40:29]

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8. Sports Talk: LeBron, the Knicks, and NBA Hot Takes

[45:06–47:58]

• They discuss LeBron James reportedly joining the Philadelphia 76ers and examine social media jokes about his dislike of living in Philly.
  • “LeBron’s the first person to move from Bel Air to West Philadelphia.” – attributed to Elon Altman [46:10]
• As lifelong Knicks fans, hosts are both relieved and proud that the Knicks’ championship was won "with our guys"—not a superstar “hired gun.”

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9. Topical Humor and Social Commentary

[47:58–54:38]

• Running commentary on gossip, sports, and cultural trends—e.g., the rumors about NBA player SGA’s sexuality—leads to riffs on masculinity and stereotypes.
• Mark and Bobby break down the logic of "gay means happy" and compare it to prior bits, ultimately realizing it's already covered by Jim Jeffries.
  • “Damn, what a bummer. Well, thank you. Good to know. Because I don't want Reddit kicking my ass over Jim.” – Bobby Lee [60:37]
• They exchange notes on joke theft, joke writing, and the anxiety about accidentally overlapping with other comics’ material.

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10. Workshopping New Material: The Comedy Craft

[52:32–69:08]

• Both hosts test material aloud—riffs on dog parks vs. kid parks, male ego, abortion pricing, and rich vs. poor parental tendencies.
  • “It’s free to make a kid. Getting rid of a kid, that’s $400.” – Bobby Lee [70:58]
• They discuss the process: running a line by friends, bombing with a bit, and the joy (and heartbreak) of writing something that kills only to learn it’s been done before.
• Bobby laments how tough audiences can be on abortion material, even in progressive cities.

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11. Miscellaneous Peeves and Observations

[77:11–79:50]

• Mark’s peeve: delivery and service companies offering huge appointment windows and always showing up at inconvenient moments.
• Bobby’s peeve: strangers stacking their phones on top of yours at public charging stations—an act of “stealing” power.
  • “That’s a fight. That’s fighting words.” – Bobby Lee [78:36]
• The hosts joke about girls’ habit of always having a dead phone and asking for charging in public, or hijacking the aux cord in rideshares for their music.

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12. Tour Dates, Projects, and Housekeeping

[81:32–84:29]

• Mark and Bobby each share their upcoming club dates (Lisbon, Nashville, Budapest, Athens, Helsinki, San Diego, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Calgary, and more).
• Plans for a special drop and potential new comedy material.
• Shameless (and on-brand) plug for their whiskey brand and upcoming move into the electrolyte powder space.

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13. Personal Updates and Closing Cheers

[84:09–84:30]

• Mark shares he's expecting another baby at Christmas, which gets a celebratory toast.
• Brief banter about gender bias in child preference (“Every single person—men and women—go, what do you have? And I go, boy. They go, oh, thank God.”) [84:30]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the current state of content and clickbait:
  “Everything's bait. It's all bait. We're all fish.” – Mark [01:51]
• On euphemisms vs. real change:
  “You’re attacking the language and not the actual situation.” – Mark [03:48]
• On feeling like you’re being compared as a comic:
  “That’s the thing about the comedy seller, you can’t help but compare yourself to other acts.” – Sam [67:52]
• On the agony of bombing at private gigs:
  “You ever go through like an hour 15 of material in like 20 minutes?” – Mark [12:47]
• On joke overlap and heartbreak:
  “Damn. I had a new bit. Killing. Damn, what a bummer. Well, thank you. Good to know. Because I don't want Reddit kicking my ass over Jim.” – Bobby Lee, on realizing a bit is already Jim Jeffries’ [60:37]
• On being starstruck at open mics:
  “Live comedy…there is something about it where you're in the room. You feel an energy.” – Mark [40:29]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro and clickbait discussion: 00:06–02:01
• Changing euphemisms/language: 03:08–04:48
• Comedy stories about little people, Mulaney, etc.: 05:44–07:43
• Mark’s Greece private gig story: 10:36–16:41
• Vacation stories, French food, and vapes: 16:43–19:05
• Seizures at stand-up shows: 25:03–29:26
• Panic attacks and drugs: 29:31–34:07
• Memory of early open mics and inspirations: 34:07–42:19
• LeBron/Knicks/Philly NBA chat: 45:06–47:58
• Crowd-sourced “gay or straight” bit: 49:04–51:48
• Working on new material – meta comedy talk: 52:32–69:08
• Peeves – public outlets, Uber music, etc.: 77:11–79:50
• Upcoming dates and family news: 81:32–84:30

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Tone and Style

• The tone remains irreverent, self-aware, and mischievous—briskly shifting from sharp social critiques to personal confessions and raw stand-up craft breakdowns.
• There is a constant thread of meta-comedy: analyzing stand-up as both an art and a business, and openly discussing the emotional roller coaster of creating and testing material.

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Summary: Why Listen?

If you want insider perspectives on stand-up, tales of the grind (and glory) of comedy, and the unfiltered banter of two comics at the top of their game, this episode is a must. There are genuine life lessons, plenty of laughs, and candid revelations about what it takes to survive—and thrive—in comedy.

Mark’s final note:
“This has been a great last episode. We have to do that. We have to do last drink every week now.” [69:04]

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Note: Ads, intros, and house plugs were omitted for clarity and brevity.

Transcript

[Mark Normand]

Well, yeah. Here we are. We might be drunk.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey. Well, we're here. This is it, baby. We're back. Another solo? Is there a solo? Is this two solos in a row?

[Mark Normand]

No, we broke it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, good. Just checking.

[Peters]

The Internet's going crazy about the Bobby Lee episode.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, did we tease it?

[Peters]

No. You mentioned it when you shot it in la. Whenever.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a good point.

[Peters]

And people are like, did this get buried? Why did it get canceled?

[Mark Normand]

It's like, no, it's coming out. But Bobby wanted it closer to the.

[Bobby Lee]

We held it because Sam and Bobby fought the whole time. Get that kicked up. All these dweebs out there on Reddit, they love a story and they love drama, and they love when they have the inside scoop on something.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but. Well, just like this fucking special Bobby's. This episode may never come out.

[Bobby Lee]

And just like Tony Hitchcliffe, it might not come out, so who the hell knows? But. Well, it's gonna come out when it comes out, don't you worry.

[Peters]

And fucking Peter's here. Labeled the last episode one more drink.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, sounds like the end.

[Peters]

Like, call back to our old show. And then it's like, last episode.

[Mark Normand]

What are they doing?

[Peters]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, it helped the numbers because it's doing well.

[Mark Normand]

Did it?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. All these. Some twink queef made a. A post Mark Norman goes off on Segura, says, goes off. So I was like, oh, God. About the divorce. But I like Segura. I like Christina. So I had to watch it, you know, through one finger like that. And it's me mentioning, hey, do you hear they got a divorce? And List is like, oh, that's crazy. And I was like, oh, yeah, this happens when you get divorced. What happened when Mulaney got divorced? And List goes one time open for Mulaney. And that's the whole thing. That was the whole thing. I watched it. But they get you on the headline. That's how they get you.

[Peters]

The.

[Bobby Lee]

The. What are you, the slug?

[Mark Normand]

Everything's bait now.

[Bobby Lee]

Everything's bait. It's all bait.

[Mark Normand]

We're all fish.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. We're copies.

[Mark Normand]

We're getting called. We're like, that's it. It's a bummer. What are you gonna do?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Anyway, let's get those numbers back up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Tom got divorced.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. I can't wait to meet the. See the first lady. He's plowing. That'll be exciting.

[Peters]

Now you're really giving.

[Mark Normand]

Now this is going to be a problem.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I'm just. He's allowed. He's divorced. He's single.

[Mark Normand]

The next one's Mark Norman. Will not stop going off. This is crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

Are they doing the pods?

[Mark Normand]

I think so.

[Bobby Lee]

I think it's very amicable. So good for them. They're both great people. They're both funny. Yeah. Hope. Hopefully they, you know, they got nice kids. Give that a goog. See if the pod is still going.

[Mark Normand]

I think it is.

[Bobby Lee]

That might be a prison. A pod that's a section of hell Podcast with your divorced spouse.

[Mark Normand]

Feels like a. I did a podcast with an ex once, and it's the second it stopped before the breakup. That's how well the relationship was going.

[Bobby Lee]

That's about right.

[Mark Normand]

We got to wrap this up, because we're on. We're on eggshells.

[Bobby Lee]

Active. Actively continuing. Okay. That's like the opposite of entanglement, right? Still going.

[Peters]

What was that Gwyneth Paltry called a coupling?

[Bobby Lee]

Conscious of coupling. Wow. It's like when you get fired, they call it furloughed.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Why did that come in?

[Mark Normand]

You've been made redundant.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Which sounds worse?

[Bobby Lee]

I've never heard that.

[Mark Normand]

How much? That's what the British say.

[Bobby Lee]

Made redundant.

[Mark Normand]

Made redundant. That sounds so much crueler than, we're letting you go.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I. We're going at it. I feel the same about server was when I was younger, was waiter. Then it became server. I think server sounds worse. I'm your server.

[Mark Normand]

Closer to slave or servant.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Server is no good. I think people just change it to change it. They think that's helping, but they don't actually look at the words.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, well, I mean, it's like the homeless, when they kept changing. The homeless.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

The.

[Bobby Lee]

The unhoused.

[Mark Normand]

Unhoused. I'm like, yeah, they still don't have a home.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

We're not looking at the actual problem here.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, yes, yes. What about little?

[Mark Normand]

You're attacking the language and not the actual situation.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

I said it when I was volunteering at one of those food things. I was like, oh, the homeless people, they're like, don't say that. I'm like, they know what they are.

[Bobby Lee]

They don't give a shit.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm here to help. I'm just being honest. I don't know.

[Bobby Lee]

I know it's similar with black. Remember, black was weird. Like, don't say black. Say African American. I'm like, they're black. I'm white.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. There was a time when people thought colored was progressive. That's how racist people were. It went from, like, the N word to color. And they're like, color and you're like yeah, that's not. That's not good now either.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but then people of color is okay.

[Peters]

White color is weird person of colors.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't say it because it's ridiculous. It's been made redundant. But yeah, I think little people's weird.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's not great.

[Bobby Lee]

Little people. What the fuck? Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

I call him a teeny weeny. I don't like to.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not nice. I call them fun size. That's my dick. Butt size is a great. What? That's the most best marketing spin of all time. I got a great sticker that a foot size.

[Mark Normand]

The bonuses for little people like you probably never have to get. You pay for a shorter massage. It's less body to rub.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

You get a 30 minute. They're getting that whole body.

[Peters]

You get to your wiener quicker.

[Bobby Lee]

Wiener quicker. And flights are better. Your legs are dangling. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Why do you think I put Veeder in coach?

[Bobby Lee]

Big overhead for all I care. Flights are better. You probably shop on the kids menu.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think that's how it works.

[Bobby Lee]

Give that. Do little people eat? They must eat littler amounts. I think a pony eats less than a horse.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah but I don't think they want chicken fingers for dinner. If you're a 30 year old they want adult food.

[Bobby Lee]

I forgot about the selection. I mean to a midget a slider is a burger, right? If we're doing the math, he's like.

[Mark Normand]

Do you have any little person halibut here tonight?

[Bobby Lee]

I forgot. It's french fries and macaroni and cheese and shit. It's not actual food. They're not like you can't get a porter.

[Mark Normand]

Kid's metabolism, right?

[Bobby Lee]

That's true. Although a filet comes in many different sizes.

[Mark Normand]

That's true.

[Bobby Lee]

You can get a 10 ounce, a 12 ounce, a 14 ounce. So I'd go with a little filet.

[Mark Normand]

Why wait? What did that red say?

[Bobby Lee]

There you go. A slider. Picking a blanket.

[Mark Normand]

Too tiny. That's not.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Those things you want to. You want a party trick? Break out a pig in a blanket.

[Bobby Lee]

I love a pig in a blanket.

[Mark Normand]

Those things don't last five minutes.

[Bobby Lee]

You're right. The brown mustard. Oh man. So good. Cuz it's the.

[Mark Normand]

It's the crescent roll on.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's good.

[Bobby Lee]

Well these hors d', oeuvres, they get too high for lutin. You got like a. They're all puffs now there's a shrimp puff. I don't want a shrimp puff.

[Mark Normand]

I feel like a shrimp puff eating it.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, shrimp puff could be a name for a midget. It's a shrimp puff. He's shrimpy.

[Mark Normand]

If he's puffy.

[Bobby Lee]

If he's puffy. Well, they've felt their hands.

[Mark Normand]

This is going to get us more than the cigar stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

It'll go over their heads.

[Mark Normand]

What about. Well, Mulaney's got that great bit. You know that one? I love that they say midget's more offensive than the N word. He goes, well, that's not true because we saying one of the words so good. That's a great bit.

[Bobby Lee]

And then the tag to that. That's an adorable hand. Is that Brad Williams? That's a little person or a baby?

[Peters]

That's a little person's hand.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God, that's cute.

[Peters]

Oh, these are baby hands.

[Bobby Lee]

Imagine that around your dong. You'd be wil superhero. Wait, oh, the malady tag to that is if you say you're going to have 500 little people out there protesting, he goes, promise. I saw that live at the Skirball center. That taping. Yeah. Cuz I just knew him as like, that's a funny guy in New York. It's like a really good comic. I'll go see his special. It's free. And brought a girl. And she was more into him than me after.

[Mark Normand]

That's the problem.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. He had a better act.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's. He's a good comic.

[Bobby Lee]

He's very good.

[Peters]

Did you see what Mulaney's doing in New York?

[Mark Normand]

Very cool.

[Bobby Lee]

That's one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

[Mark Normand]

The seller, Carnegie, Carnegie Hall, Beacon Theater, msg, Radio City. He's doing like every iconic New York

[Bobby Lee]

and getting bigger each venue.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Starting a cellar. So cool. And what a flex.

[Mark Normand]

It's a fucking huge flex.

[Bobby Lee]

We're all bullshitting on podcasts all day. I'm doing dumbass reels. He doesn't do any of that shit. I'm like sweating over a LeBron tweet. Oh, he's. He's living in New York, but he's going to Philly. He got nixed, you know, I'm sweating over this shit on my toilet. Meanwhile, he's doing seven shows in seven days in the best, you know, venues in the city.

[Mark Normand]

That is a fun. It's cool you've seen the same hour. It's also like, I almost want to see how he adjusts because he's kind of big when he plays a big venue.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

He kind of moves the way, like, rock will move.

[Bobby Lee]

True.

[Mark Normand]

He'll pace a little bit. We don't pace at all.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

But, yeah. I haven't seen him in a small venue in a long time. Used to see him come by the Cellar a bit, but.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to besmirch the man. I'm a fan, but I've only seen him bomb twice in my. I've seen a guy probably 400 times.

[Mark Normand]

How is that besmirching him?

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I just. I don't want to ever talk about a guy bombing. I don't want to be mean.

[Mark Normand]

But.

[Bobby Lee]

Goes off. I'm just saying, it was. I've never seen it because he's such a good comic and he's always prepared and. And polished, but, man, seeing him struggle was weird.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Peters]

Because it.

[Mark Normand]

He's so, like. You feel like with him, it just comes out polished, like. Yes. Makes so much sense for him.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's. He's got the polish, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he really does. He's. He's like the. He's like a premiere comic. Like, I feel like I'm blue collar Southern toothless yokel. And then you see him like that last one, Baby Jay, that was at the symphony hall with those lights in the back.

[Mark Normand]

There's an elegance.

[Bobby Lee]

There's an elegance.

[Mark Normand]

There was like a class to it.

[Bobby Lee]

A class.

[Mark Normand]

You know what he. I remember. Still remember, I think I was in college, I saw him do that Law and Order bit. That was the bit where I was like, oh, God, this guy's really good. Where he talked about how they never stop unloading crates while they're being questioned, which is like, oh, that's a amazing observation.

[Bobby Lee]

Great observation.

[Mark Normand]

It's one of those. How the fuck has no one said this?

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Those are the best bits.

[Bobby Lee]

Totally, totally. He had the Trump stuff before anyone else. You know, I'm gonna fire people with my children. I'll have golden hair and names on the building and all that shit. Crazy.

[Mark Normand]

These are such good comedy talks. It's a shame this is our last drink. What a bummer.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But then you wonder if you're at that level with that sophistication we're talking about, the bits we're quoting are 20 years old or whatever.

[Mark Normand]

They're up there for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So it must be tough to sit around and go, how do I top this? Oh, dude, how do I top that?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, you're right. You're working on new shit right now. Yeah, new shit right now. It's There are nights where I feel like a piece of shit completely. I just bombed this private in Greece. I couldn't have given a fuck when I got off stage because they were animals and you knew you were gonna

[Bobby Lee]

walk it into a private story.

[Mark Normand]

But I got buried by a really funny comic at the Cellar recently and he's playing the hits he's murdering and I'm doing new stuff and I was like, ah, I just felt like a bitch.

[Bobby Lee]

You do and then you feel. That's the thing about comedy is like

[Mark Normand]

I felt like a little person. Not that kind. Just, you know. No, I. I was with my girl after and she was like trying to cheer me up and I was like, you just gotta give me like 40 minutes. Yeah, yeah. After the, you know, I was in. I was just in Greece for a private. Turned in like a seven day, you know, trip chilling in Corfu on the water. Yeah. I mean, that's.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at this.

[Mark Normand]

This is what I was doing after.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

The night after. So, you know, I try to get there way

[Bobby Lee]

I'm such a piece of shit. Look at this guy. He's living the dream.

[Mark Normand]

Not bad, right? But the night before, I'm at this gig and it's like, you know when you just walk into a gig and you know you're gonna eat shit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

It's one of those where, you know, it's outdoors on a beautiful island. There's like 50 people there, they're playing like Pavarotti live before that type of music. And everyone's like, da dun dun, dun dun dun dun. They're all pointing and I'm like, ooh, I'm eat shit, this is bad. The woman comes back, she's like, all right, they want me there at like 5pm for soundcheck. And I was like, no, you get a working mic, we'll figure this out.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I get there at like 8 or maybe 7. I go on at 10. So it's late, it's getting late. It's dark out.

[Bobby Lee]

Better dark though, I will say, but it's crazy to go that late.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. And then she goes, all right, so you're just gonna walk up to the mic. And I'm like, no, you gotta bring me up.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you gotta like.

[Mark Normand]

And she's like, what? And I was like, you don't. It's weird. If I just. She's like, alright, fine, I'll bring you up. She brings me up within two minutes, you know that I beg them, I'm like, can we do 10 minutes? They're like, it's got to be 30. And I'm like, wow, Anything but.

[Bobby Lee]

You're like, all right, yeah, your funeral.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was my funeral, but. But they were there. And within two minutes, I'm like, I'm. I'm. You ever go through like an hour 15 of material in like 20 minutes?

[Peters]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I'm just like, bam, bam, bam. Just trying and.

[Bobby Lee]

Are you getting a little titter here? Maybe a. Some kind of inkling of. Of a joke landing?

[Mark Normand]

You're shaving the tags. You're just trying to give them all the meat. You're like, let's give them all the meatiest parts of these jokes to get them. I'm getting like. So here's the fun part is like, there are three people up front who are laughing at everything. I see.

[Bobby Lee]

That helps.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, the son is apparently a big fan. He's like the kid from Menorah, basically laughing his ass off. And his friends are his brother. One of the. I think the sister's laughing and his friend are laughing. Everyone else is like, what's happening? You know? And I get it. I'm doing I like a line like, man, this is at least it's better than time I performed on Epstein's Island. Silence. And I. And I get it. It's like, you know, they didn't hire. They didn't know what they hired. They're like the six year old birthday party. Why is the guy making pedophile jokes at our dinner? And that just has to be made, though. I feel like I had a few Epstein jokes. I just kept rattling. You get hired for a billionaire to do a private gig, you know, you got to read the fine print. Silence. I don't know if he's a billionaire, but he's clearly rich. And then my girlfriend's laughing hysterically at the bar, trying to get some momentum for me. She's like, trying to think it'll be contagious. I'm like, she just looks like a lunatic over there. She's just laughing her ass off. And they're like, who is this woman?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, she had an edible.

[Mark Normand]

And at one point I was like, well, this isn't working. And the father yells out, this is not Russian humor. Whoa. You know, he hired. So I was like, all right, this next joke takes place in Moscow. I was on the subway and I was banging this Russian girl. I'm just doing anything I can to appease him. Just silence. Get off in the car, going back, and you're just like, all right, that's that's what it was.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And she's trying to cheer me up the whole way. And I'm like, no, no, no, that doesn't matter to me. The comedy seller matters.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

When it's like, people who know you, but, like, this was an unwinnable. I'm hitting them with everything.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right. Like, it's all. It's all about the trip. It's about the paycheck.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, totally. Just Ch. I finally chilled for a few days. Yeah, it was nice.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

This is. Look at that. I mean, how do you. Do they give you this boat? Do you rent this boat?

[Mark Normand]

Rented it.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

They were like, you can drive it if you learn. They just. And I just.

[Peters]

No life jacket.

[Mark Normand]

Life jackets, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Who needs it? Come on. Yeah. With those arms, you can swim ashore. Look at those things.

[Mark Normand]

And I read this when I was out there. By the way, Sam Talon's new book, Big Wreck.

[Bobby Lee]

Hell yeah. Great writer.

[Mark Normand]

Loved it. Dude, really? You got to read it.

[Bobby Lee]

I will read it. I love the first book. You didn't read it? I did. Did you? I read. I had to read half of it just to get in the late. I was the voice in the audiobook.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. It's great, right? Dude, this new one's even better, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Is it.

[Mark Normand]

It's a banger.

[Bobby Lee]

Stand up. Related.

[Mark Normand]

No, I mean, look at that. Look at that cover. It's about a hit job gone wrong and what happens afterwards, and it's a complicated story, and it's. It's a banger, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Sam Tallente's got the goods.

[Bobby Lee]

He's a good writer. Great vocabulary on that guy.

[Mark Normand]

Dude, it's beautifully written. It reminds me of, like, Elmore Leonard meets, like, Richard Stark type writing. It's like, really cool writing. It's violent as hell. It's badass, but there's, like, a sensitivity to it. It's so cool.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn. Stark's the Knicks player. All right. Shit. All right, we'll get on. I hope he did an audiobook.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe he did.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe he did. I bet he did.

[Mark Normand]

I bet he did.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, well, geez. But yeah, Greece. You know, it's funny. You got back from Greece, and I was like, when's Sam getting back? And then you landed and it was like, what time we recorded who we got next week. We gotta step this up. And I was like, oh, this guy went on vacation. Now he's like, back at work mode.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to shut off, dude.

[Bobby Lee]

It is. It is. I can't do it either.

[Mark Normand]

I don't like it. Yeah. But the one nice thing with the time change is you miss a lot of texts.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Because you just wake up to a lot of shit. You're like, all right. You realize none of this is that important.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. 100%. 100%.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, dude, it's awesome. I will say, stopped in Paris for one night just. Cause there's no direct flight to Corfu and had maybe the worst steak of my life.

[Bobby Lee]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

I'll just take a place on this. It was like a fucking. I was this close to doing a sloppy steak. You know that Tim Robinson sketch where they dump the water on it?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

I was just close to just doing it for the gag. So this is already bad. I may as well just do the.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, look, I. I've always said it. I'm half French. I've been to Paris a few times. I think French food is overrated.

[Mark Normand]

It's. Oh. I mean, this is a bad. We just went to a random bad place.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's a lot of thick, a lot of butter. Butter.

[Mark Normand]

Small portions. A lot of butter.

[Bobby Lee]

It's not my favorite.

[Mark Normand]

A lot of fine dining. Shit. I hate fine.

[Bobby Lee]

I hate finding.

[Mark Normand]

I don't need the backstory on the food. I don't need.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Mark Normand]

It's also a little, like, a cucumber chilled soup. It's like a fucking shot. I'm like, oh, cool.

[Bobby Lee]

What? It's gone.

[Mark Normand]

I want. I don't want to spend that kind of money and be hungry. I need to get a slice of pizza on the way home.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. That's how I feel. Yeah, It's a lot of, like, pastry fluff sauces. I don't know. It's not for me. I think it's overrated.

[Mark Normand]

And anyway. And this is a peeve. I can hit you with a peeve. There's a woman next to me. We're at, like, little outdoor cafe. She's just breathing smoke into my face. Like, just one of those. Like. And it's not. It's not even a cigarette. Like, I can live with it being a cigarette because I'm like, this rude bitch is gonna die.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

She's Gonna Live to 104. She's vape.

[Bobby Lee]

It's a vape.

[Peters]

It's a vape.

[Mark Normand]

And it was like, a nasty ass flavor.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh.

[Mark Normand]

And it's just in your face forever. And it's like. And I keep giving the look, but you feel weird being like, what are you doing? Yeah, but I gave. I gave A lot of, like, stares.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

But I didn't say anything.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, if Parisians are smoking vape, Paris is dead.

[Mark Normand]

It's dead.

[Bobby Lee]

The whole thing with Paris is the little long gay cigarette. And now you're on vape.

[Mark Normand]

If it was a cigarette, I respect a cigarette.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I don't respect a vape smoker.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no.

[Mark Normand]

Vape is garbage.

[Bobby Lee]

It's bad.

[Mark Normand]

I've been on, like, dates where I'm like, oh, man, this girl, and she takes out a vape, and you're like, oh, yeah, it was going well.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. It's a bad look.

[Mark Normand]

It's a gross habit.

[Bobby Lee]

It just looks trashy. Looks like you're on a break at Walmart cigarettes.

[Mark Normand]

Although worse for you. Like, they're kind of. There's something hot about a girl who smokes a cigarette.

[Bobby Lee]

Totally. Totally. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

She makes bad decisions.

[Bobby Lee]

That's what it is.

[Peters]

She smokes, she pokes.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, is that a thing?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I like that.

[Peters]

That's what my mom said.

[Mark Normand]

That's what your mom said. I poked her, so it must be true.

[Bobby Lee]

She's pokes. All right. I never heard that. Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Bobby Lee]

Good to know. I'll pack her. All right. Sorry, I have no filter. All right, all right, I'll. I'll move on. But, yeah, yeah, I'm with you on that. Even a cigar.

[Peters]

I like.

[Bobby Lee]

I like a guy with a cigar, too.

[Mark Normand]

I like. I'm not a big cigar smoker, though.

[Peters]

Are you?

[Mark Normand]

There was a period where List always wanted to smoke cigars.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, she was sober. Yeah. He needed some. I got. I was never that into it.

[Bobby Lee]

One a month. I like.

[Mark Normand]

You do one a month.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe one every two months. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You got that back door, a backyard area. That's why you're into them.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true. And you feel like you own the house when you're smoking a cigar in your back deck. You're like, this is my place.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I do what I want here.

[Mark Normand]

And badass.

[Bobby Lee]

I smoke half of it.

[Mark Normand]

I love this story. Back in the day, I think it was Castro was told he had to cut down. Was either Castro or Che. It was one of them. They were told they had to cut down on cigars. And the doctor. This is a Cuban doctor. You can smoke two a day, which is hilarious. That's a lot. Started smoking this long.

[Bobby Lee]

I love that. Great logic.

[Mark Normand]

Amazing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's great. So I went to Florida.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

Tampa. Brought the baby Side Splitters. Side Splitters. One of the best clubs. One of the best weekends. Tampa's awesome. They're calling it now the San Diego of the East. I don't know how you feel about that. Yeah, more the most. I think Tampa is the most. Tampa or Portland. Might want to give that.

[Mark Normand]

I like Tampa. And yeah, I like San Diego. Makes sense.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So went there, brought the boy, flew to New Orleans first do a tales of the cocktail. Did a tip of Tina's. We sold it out. It was great. All the friends came out. College, high school, whatever. Got too drunk, of course, because that's what you do there with the friends. And I flew Breeze Airway. Ever heard of this? Had to do a puddle jumper from New Orleans to Tampa. Breeze. Yeah, it's the only thing direct was breeze. They go to Charleston, Tampa. I don't know, Miami maybe. But it's a JetBlue affiliate. Great airline. I mean, it's like a shit box, but it's cheap as shit and got you there. So shout out. Breeze.

[Peters]

Can you tell us about your stolen watch, Drew Brees?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I'm getting to that.

[Peters]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Bobby Lee]

So we go to the. We go. I bring the boy. So we're in Florida, we're gonna go see dolphins. I'm a good dad. The wife set it up, I'm paying. We're going to see dolphins. Bring the boys. Eighteen months old, he doesn't get anything. So we get on a little boat. It's me and a bunch of tourists. Much like Russians and whatever Scandinavians we get out there. Dolphins galore. They jump into the. Like the boat makes a wake or those waves, and they jump into the waves. It's amazing.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

So they know how to do it. And so everybody's in the back of the boat going, huh, huh? Whoa. And I'm trying to get the kid up, I'm trying to show him the dolphin, but he doesn't get it. But every time a dolphin jumps, everybody goes, whoa. And there's cameras everywhere. And the kid didn't get it. He didn't like it. He kept kind of like dozing off on the boat. And then we land and the kid goes, whoa. Because he was mock. He was mimicking the whole audience. The cutest thing ever.

[Mark Normand]

Sarcasm. Yeah, that's cute.

[Bobby Lee]

Cute. I. I lost it. Cuz. He just went. Everybody went whoa. You know, for two hours. And at the end of the show,

[Mark Normand]

or tripping, he raising a baby bill Ma. He's like, oh, that's nice.

[Bobby Lee]

Dolphins. Okay. What's a blow hole? Oh, yeah, yeah. So that was cute. So. But before we went, we left. I got this hot new watch I said, we're going to see dolphins. Let me leave the watch on the counter in the room. I don't want anybody. I don't want to drop this watch in the ocean. We get back from the. Five hours later, we get back from the excursion, the watch is gone.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Bobby Lee]

Sounds like it's a nice watch. So I flipped the place upside down. The bed. Look behind every dresser, in every drawer, whatever.

[Mark Normand]

You beat your wife? You demanded her. Yeah. Yes, of course.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. I'm like Bruce Willis, where's my watch? It's up my ass walking.

[Mark Normand]

So it's good stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So I never been this guy, but I've never owned anything nice. So I call the front desk and I go full Karen. I was like, somebody cleaned my room. I had a nice watch. It's gone. And this is a. This is a Grand Hyatt. So they're like, so sorry, Mr. Norman. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We'll get on that. Oh, my God. I can't believe what I'm hearing. And I'm like, you got cameras in there? I want to know who has cleaned my room. Blah, blah, blah. I went nuts. I never had a watch missing. Yeah. And then two days later, I found it.

[Mark Normand]

Where was it?

[Bobby Lee]

The kid had stuffed it in the crib under the mattress. The kid took it, he put it in his little dumb layer.

[Mark Normand]

You're really raising. Enormous. I know. Five finger discount.

[Bobby Lee]

He got my watch, that twink. So.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

There you go.

[Mark Normand]

Your wallet's in there, too.

[Bobby Lee]

You're like, what the gun? Down there. Like, what the hell?

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, he's got a pearl neck, so

[Mark Normand]

you know, that shit's all waterproof. You could wear that.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm too scared to ruin it.

[Mark Normand]

Nah, it's waterproof.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. I guess they took him to the moon.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, of course.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. The Omega.

[Mark Normand]

Take them.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, I. I went down and personally apologized to the guy after.

[Mark Normand]

That's good. I respect that. We've all done that, where you're just like, yeah, I fucked up.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, Bear, I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be like the. I say good day. You know, fuck you. I want you to blow me. I didn't want to be that. That Karen guy, so I just. I sucked it up and apologized to Charles. Sorry, Charles. But yeah, had a great time. Great club. BT is the man. He's opening a new one.

[Mark Normand]

Where?

[Bobby Lee]

St. Pete.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

How far is that from Tampa?

[Bobby Lee]

Ah, 35 minutes. Oh, it's 45.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that's the same audience, isn't it?

[Bobby Lee]

That's what I said. He's like, it's a whole different world over there. Those people don't leave. There's nothing to do there. It's like a community there.

[Mark Normand]

They won't drive 35 minutes to see it.

[Bobby Lee]

Not really. Not to Carrollwood, where a size putters is. Apparently. That's the dumb burbs.

[Mark Normand]

Got it. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. But he said this will be the nice one. And then side splitters will be like the. The original.

[Mark Normand]

I love side splitters.

[Bobby Lee]

Me too.

[Mark Normand]

That's one I've thought about. I mean, I did tape a special in Tampa. I love something about Tampa. Like, they never will grown at a joke, not once. There's a good vibe in that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. City. So I had this I never had before in 19, 20 years of comedy. Last show, seven sold out shows. Doing the last show. Cooking, new materials. Cooking. I get this one. Hold up, hold up. I go, what the hell's going over here? I'm riffing on it. BT comes in, the owner. People are standing up. All the chairs push back. Seizure had the guy seize it out.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no, Wiggin.

[Bobby Lee]

You can see the table shaking. You see like one leg up doing this.

[Mark Normand]

Holy.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was like, oh, God. So they wheel him out, and then

[Mark Normand]

how old a guy?

[Bobby Lee]

He's probably 45.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, no.

[Bobby Lee]

But then you go, do I zing or do I stop the show? Because you want to be a professional.

[Mark Normand]

You get one last burn on him, and he goes, he's dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, so it was kind of awkward. I'm like, oh, this is weird. Then somebody goes, you're killing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was like, yeah, thank you, Sarah. See, comedy's hard. That got a nice laugh. And then one guy goes, him do the show. I'm like, gonna be back in Florida, you know? So I'm zigging off of the lines, but I don't really want to zing the guy because he could be in trouble.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's not you. You don't want that to be someone's last words. They hear how serious it is. I mean, seizure's scary, man.

[Bobby Lee]

Very scary. So I asked BT who's like 7 foot 12. I see him back in the back of the room, and I go, are we good? He goes, no, this is bad. And I was like, ah, shit. So they walk the guy out, like, by his arms. His legs are dragging. And I was like, oh, God. I was doing this new bit about Superman that's bombing. So I Was like, I won't do that bit again. I don't want to hurt anybody else. That's how bad the bit was. And they bring him out there. They're fanning him, and he goes, I'm good. I'm good. I've never had a seizure before. I don't know where that came from. And they're like, that's worse.

[Mark Normand]

Back in.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. No, he. The BT's. Like, you got to go home. I can't let you back in that room. You're a liability. Like, I don't know if you could fall down or whatever. You're. You're toast.

[Mark Normand]

You can't let a guy have a second seizure.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

You got to go to the hospital.

[Bobby Lee]

So they Ubered him home, and the two friends stayed.

[Peters]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

What shitty friends.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. But, yeah, I think he had, like, a crazy edible, maybe. I think it sparked some.

[Mark Normand]

It happened to me once at Side Splitter. Someone in the crowd was, like, bugging out.

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Mark Normand]

And I just looked at him like, are you okay? It was one of the things I was like, are you. I had to. The face was, like, freaking out. I was like, are you okay? And they're like, I'm freaking the fuck out. And I thought they were teasing me or something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But I was like. The friends were like, they took too many edibles. And I was, yeah, it's something about that town.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Wow. Same club.

[Mark Normand]

I had a guy at one time have a. Some sort of, like. I think he had a stroke, and it was in. Same vibe.

[Bobby Lee]

Scott Phoenix. Yes. I remember this story.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. So I mean that. And it's. It's a crazy thing to.

[Bobby Lee]

What did you zing?

[Mark Normand]

I made a couple things, but the first thing I said, I. He knocked a bottle over, so I was like, oh, my God. What the fuck? I said something. Riffing off that. And then they were like, he's having a stroke. And I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, call an ambulance.

[Bobby Lee]

Stroke is serious.

[Mark Normand]

Stroke or seizure. It was something serious. And then I think it was a stroke.

[Bobby Lee]

Mm. Good band and.

[Mark Normand]

Good band. But then the owner, Howard, came on, and he was like, I've had many strokes. I'm like, yeah, but yours are from, like, Red Bull and cocaine. Yeah. You had, like, 14 Red Bulls and kept blowing lines. This is, like, an older guy, right?

[Bobby Lee]

You're Hunter Biden. This is Mitch McConnell. This is a different ball game here.

[Mark Normand]

They kind of both look like.

[Bobby Lee]

Both. Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then. And then. Yeah, he waited for a while and then went back and did the Yeah, I got off stage for a second. Cause I was like, let's just wait till this resolved and I'll come back. Cause I don't want to. You know, this guy could die.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He seemed to be okay when they left. And while they're wheeling him out, Howard runs up and does shtick on stage.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm like, I could have done that. Yeah, right?

[Mark Normand]

And he's bombing. I'm like, all right. I'm gonna look like a hero coming back.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's true. Let him do that dirty work.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

A lot of these guys want to be comics, these club owners. Yeah, it's bad. But all the BT at Seismic does not want to do comedy.

[Mark Normand]

I kind of love it, which is

[Bobby Lee]

why he's a great owner. Yeah. So show. Show went on, and we had a good show, but I got a bunch of riffs out of it later. I waited till the guy was gone, then I made fun of him. So look out for that clip.

[Mark Normand]

You have a good clip of it?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

[Mark Normand]

Hopefully he's okay.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, he's fine. He's fine.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

A seizure is fucking scary.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. You ever had a seizure or panic attack?

[Mark Normand]

I had a panic attack once.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, that's here. I had one in my life, and I'm scared to even talk about it. Cause I don't want to trigger one.

[Mark Normand]

I was on the road. I was in a hotel room in Baltimore, and I had taken a edible, which I don't normally do.

[Bobby Lee]

Geez, we have a pattern here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I don't like edibles, but I was talked into taking it, and I was like, all right, what the hell? It'll help me sleep. It did the opposite.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

On the floor. Like, what the fuck is happening?

[Bobby Lee]

I've been there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was. I had a couple. I've had a couple of those on edibles. I don't know why I keep trying it again. It's like, I'm not built for edibles, man.

[Bobby Lee]

No. I'm not good with weed at all. But I. Every time I smoke a joint, I go, that was a mistake.

[Mark Normand]

I know.

[Bobby Lee]

Right after it hits me.

[Mark Normand]

It's not our vibe. Our vibe is drinking.

[Bobby Lee]

Totally. We need to calm the voices, not enhance. Enhance.

[Mark Normand]

Well, the thing about booze is, like, it takes such a toll on your body, though.

[Bobby Lee]

I know.

[Peters]

Not.

[Mark Normand]

Not bodega cat, though. That's. It's heart healthy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. But it's a healthy elixir.

[Mark Normand]

But you feel it. Like, it's like stomach linings fucked up. I feel my. Like, the Way you feel after a bad hangover is like. Yeah. This is insane.

[Bobby Lee]

Insane.

[Mark Normand]

This is what I'm doing to myself.

[Bobby Lee]

I was there on Thursday. Yeah. In New Orleans. And I even took those. I hate to shout them out. I took those fucking pre hangover things.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was like, oh, I'm going to be good. I supposed to take one. I took three because I was like, I'm really going to be hungover. And I was still dead, still fucked. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like shithouse. Yeah, I think that works if you have like four drinks or something.

[Bobby Lee]

I guess so. Yeah. I was doing shots and beers between waiting for the cocktail. I drink my beer, then you get the cocktail.

[Mark Normand]

That's how we used to drink every night.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. We're lucky to be here.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Lee]

Well. What? One last drink.

[Mark Normand]

One last drink.

[Bobby Lee]

Wait, what? Was I about to say something before

[Peters]

your panic attack?

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my panic attack. Thank you. So I've only had one. I failed out of Uno. University of New Orleans. I was a real piece of shit, drunk, whatever, popping pills, failed out of Uno. So my parents said, you got to get out of New Orleans. The city's too. Too bad of an influence.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

So I went to Baton Rouge. An hour away. Went to Baton Rouge Community College to get my grades up so I could go to lsu. That was the plan. So now I'm in Baton Rouge Community College. My life's falling apart. I live with five guys who are all losers, pieces of shit. Great guys, but we're all not going anywhere. One of them now is a line cook. One is a mechanic. Like, you know, just rough and tumble guys. Live in a house. All we do is play poker. We try to get laid. We. We built a bar in the house and had a kegerator. It was crazy. Beer pong. So my life is falling apart. I failed out of college. I got no prospect. Comedy's not even on the radar. I never thought about comedy. I'm 19 years old. I can't do math. I'm the worst math student on the planet. I'm taking a math test. If I don't pass this test, I fail out of community college, which is, like, embarrassing. So I'm staring at this math test. It's like trigonometry, algebra. And it just hit me, and I started seeing droplets of sweat hit the page. And that was, like, triggering me more. So I go. And the room started spinning. I'm pouring sweat. I'm like. My life falls apart. What the hell's wrong? I think I was hungover too. And I Ran outside, and this girl who was like, kind of a crackhead heroin chick goes, what's going on with him? And she chases me out. And I was like, oh, crackhead was worried about you.

[Mark Normand]

She's not good.

[Bobby Lee]

She was off. She had something. Some drug. She had crazy bags under eyes. She was kind of attractive, but, like, she'd been through the ringer.

[Mark Normand]

Sure.

[Bobby Lee]

So I ran out, and I'm in, like, the stairwell, like, trying to catch my breath. She comes in there and she's like, what the hell's going on with you? I'm like, I think I'm having a panic attack. I'm freaking out. And she pins me up against the wall and kisses me.

[Mark Normand]

Whoa.

[Bobby Lee]

And I was like, what the hell's this? And I remember she had the worst breath on the planet. And I immediately came to and I was like, I gotta go. And I pushed her. And I got out of there and I got in my car and I went home. But that's when you know you're going through something, is when a woman comes on to you and you're like, I can't do this. Yeah, I'll fuck Peters if he walked up. No. You know, so, like, that's what. I knew. Something was wrong.

[Mark Normand]

But also, like, you. You rejected a crack, and that's got to be low. Yeah. She definitely did not have. She was like, she has a fucking panic attack. Someone on heroin tries to kiss her. It just keeps going worse and worse.

[Bobby Lee]

I think she thought I was on drugs as well. And she was like, oh, we're. We're. This will bond us. Yeah. Like, it's. It's attractive to me that we're both.

[Mark Normand]

But that got you out of it. It's maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

Like, that level of reality hit you like that. It's interesting.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Peters]

Your life, like, one crazy sliding doors moment away from you being like, your high school buddies. Just like a bunch of drunk losers in Louisiana.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Totally. And I started going to open mics. I remember I went to an open surfer bar. Yes. But I went to one in Baton Rouge. And I remember I went. And I was too scared to go up, so I didn't put my. They called my name and I just sat there. I didn't know anybody. It's like six people in the crowd at this shitty bar with a stage.

[Mark Normand]

It was scary.

[Bobby Lee]

Scary. And there's one guy went up named Chris Fontana. So funny. I was blown away. I was, like, in love with this guy. I was enamored. This guy is a great comic. Holy Shit, if I could only do that. So confident. Smoking beer on stage, funny. And I went back the next week, I saw him again and he did the same act. And I was crushed. I was like, this guy's a fucking fraud. That's him. That's him. He died of heroin.

[Mark Normand]

You saw how the sausage was made.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, that's the thing is like leather jacket.

[Bobby Lee]

He was like a star. He just had it. He was like a Stanhope type, which is like, ah, fuck the world. I'll kill all ya. Y' all fucking suck. I'm awesome.

[Peters]

Can we hear his joke? He's got an infamous Popeyes joke.

[Mark Normand]

Let's hear it.

[Bobby Lee]

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[Mark Normand]

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[Peters]

I'm next.

[Bobby Lee]

The woman in front of me is ordering.

[Mark Normand]

And this is a woman.

[Bobby Lee]

This is like a woman in her 60s is kind of a hoity, hoity toityish uptown woman. She's got some jewelry on and a black cocktail dress and she orders $400 worth of chicken. That's all the chicken that's gone. That's enough chicken. And she orders all this chicken in one breath and just rattling. The girl behind the counter hates life right now. She's just been ringing it up, her eyes half shut. Will that be for hero to go 16 years ago? And there's no way, there's no way

[Mark Normand]

she could be with enough people to eat all that chicken.

[Bobby Lee]

It's physically impossible. Had this happened to you or me, you'd have blown it off. It would have been the stone to d this funniest thing ever later.

[Mark Normand]

But not this woman. She must right the wrong she has just been witness to.

[Bobby Lee]

She tears into this and he goes, well, I should certainly hope that's to go. That's enough food to feed an entire party full of people. Did you know that I'm having a party? I'm having a party. Did you know this is the food for the party?

[Peters]

Did you?

[Bobby Lee]

I'm here alone.

[Mark Normand]

I'm alone.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you think, did you think that I'm just going to order $400 worth of chicken and then sit here by myself, eat all this chicken like it was chicken day or something that just cause a flower special occasion for me. And I was going to see my friends later and we were going to say, how was chicken day?

[Peters]

He needs to land this plane.

[Mark Normand]

Let's leave.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm nervous now. I got to Talk this guy up. Do you think that that's what I do with my day?

[Mark Normand]

Do you think that that's what's going on? Do you think that's how I spend my time?

[Bobby Lee]

And without missing a beat, eyes still half shut, the girl behind the counter looks back and says, the single most brilliant thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Mark Normand]

She says, I don't know your life.

[Bobby Lee]

Claws break. But see, like, you've come a long way, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

That's your sliding doors moment. Mark's in the crowd. Like, if only someday

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to show.

[Mark Normand]

I know, but you've never had a setup.

[Bobby Lee]

That was one and a half minutes. No, but again, this is the 90s.

[Mark Normand]

I know, I know. Literally, I know. I'm with you, but it is hilarious.

[Bobby Lee]

The jacket. Look at the shirt, the vibe. And just to act out.

[Mark Normand]

And he had a swag.

[Peters]

I'll give him.

[Bobby Lee]

He's got a swag.

[Mark Normand]

He's got a swag for sure. But it's so funny because I was there, too. There are guys I saw at open mics that I was like, oh, my God, this guy's incredible. And then I. I'm like, I thought that guy was funny.

[Peters]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Like, some of them are fucking horrible because I was horrible. So my. So. But live comedy, there is something about it where you're in the room.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You feel an energy. And sometimes the bit wasn't good, but there was a. There was a confidence and, like, a swagger to certain guys. Completely young. I remember thinking, like, this guy's got it.

[Bobby Lee]

Look at that. It looks like the lead singer of something right there, you know, like, so as a young kid who. He's going. And this lady said the crit. And I'm like, oh, baby, give it to me hard. I was like. I was loving it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but, you know, you were like, it. Open mics, you were nervous as.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, I was.

[Mark Normand]

And that was. And that's a good thing.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true. And I had paper. This guy never wrote anything.

[Mark Normand]

You don't want to be this swaggy as an open micr.

[Bobby Lee]

But I will say curse. I've hung out with this dude since then because, you know, comedy. You start. You get into comedy, just hang out with everybody. Immediately, we got drunk. He was hilarious. Hanging out at the bar.

[Peters]

He.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I heard his Popeye Story.

[Bobby Lee]

It's fucking crap. But he would hold court. He was funny and great, and he was. He would put him back, and we had a great time. And he was like the leader of the group, you know? So, yeah, when you're young, you see a guy do that whole act out and you're like, damn, this guy's got balls. He's up there. He's so vulnerable. Blah, blah, blah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, dude. I knew a guy, this guy, Glenn Coyle. I've probably told this story before, but he was so funny. I don't know if anything exists of him, but he was. He made me laugh so hard. He was like. He was. He's passed away, too. He's huge drunk. Yeah, he was so fun to be around. And he. Remember, he had a joke. He goes, my girlfriend got Lou Gehrig's disease, so I traded her.

[Bobby Lee]

Nice, succinct, tight joke compared to the fun fights.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he had some fun. Some funny shit, but. And he's a great dude, but you never forget those guys.

[Bobby Lee]

You start totally, totally.

[Mark Normand]

Make a huge impact. Especially when you see this guy that's funny. And they usually were cool. Yeah, we all remember those guys in mics that could be a dick, but usually you're impressed with them and they feel that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, they. And not only was he cool, he was. I, like, was like, oh, my God, he's talking to me. How funny is that? Like, I was at a bar going, chris Fontana's taking the time to talk to me. This is crazy. He's, like, giving me attention. And it felt good right now as

[Peters]

a kid in Greece, like, one day I'm going to be like him.

[Bobby Lee]

And then he saw him. This is not Russian humor, but, yeah,

[Mark Normand]

I don't know why they were expecting Russian humor, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, right? Aren't you part like, aren't you descendant?

[Mark Normand]

It's like my, like, 23andMe is like, Polish, Ukrainian, like, pretty much any place Hitler steamrolled. That's me. Look, Czechoslovakian in there. Yeah, Jew.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Well, you won in the end.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we did all right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Hey, hey. We're all right, you know, but, yeah, not. Not Russian. Yeah, but I guess that line's all blurred anyway from back then.

[Bobby Lee]

But, hey, it shows your panic attack. My panic shows how far we've come.

[Mark Normand]

Well, I was just on the road. I just can't handle weed. It was just like, shit.

[Bobby Lee]

Like, oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I had one also in college where I just. It was always weed related. It was always, like, freakouts. Like, I was bad with the one in Baltimore. On the hotel floor, I was like, shaky. I was like, the room is shaking with one of those where you're like, oh, I'm gonna die. That's that's what I, you know, will say. It's like a panic attack. The others were just like, a lot of, like, heavy self doubt.

[Bobby Lee]

Mmm.

[Mark Normand]

But which I have sober. I don't need to smoke a joint for it. But, yeah, it was like, I'm having a heart attack and I'm gonna die. And my girlfriend at the time was like, you're having a panic attack, you're okay. It was like, you know, you see why you need someone. But, like, usually you don't need that for weed.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, I think that's why we look up. Cause I've been getting really into history and you start learning about watching all these guys. You're like, how are they up at the front lines holding a sword with like, you know, the British army not having a panic attack. I think that's why we look up to Jalen Brunson is down 29 points with 4 minutes composure and this. The pressure. And they're still delivering. That's unbelievable. I had a math test knock me down, you know. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But that fucking crackhead. She lifted you up.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

That's big.

[Bobby Lee]

Hope she's all right out there.

[Mark Normand]

I hope so.

[Bobby Lee]

She wasn't bad looking, but she just was, you know, I think she had a black eye. I mean, it was a. It was a. It was a tough time out there.

[Mark Normand]

That's bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Hopefully people get sober. You see it in the country, man. You see a lot of people tweaked. I feel like I see less in New York than I did for a while.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I think so, too, but who knows? There was a while when I lived in the village on Mineta, I would walk down and I'd see, like, oh, there's a guy doing crack. And like, a little alcove. I saw that all the time. Saw needles all the time.

[Mark Normand]

We used to see it, like, right outside the studio. Right. All the time.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, I used to live next to a halfway house, so I would just see it. A lot of those dudes, some of them were getting better, you know, but then some. Yeah, got to put it somewhere, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I'm at the halfway house. Not the needle, not my backyard, not my backyard, but.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, what do you think of LeBron's?

[Mark Normand]

I kept going to the Sixers.

[Bobby Lee]

I kept staring at the LeBron story, and I was like, there's a joke here. And somebody got it.

[Peters]

What was it?

[Bobby Lee]

Somebody tweeted it. And I stared at it for hours.

[Mark Normand]

What was the joke?

[Bobby Lee]

I thought it was going to Be something flopping. I was like. The jokes would be like, you can't flop on a helicopter bombed because he's

[Peters]

going to live in New York and then fly every game to Philadelphia, which seems insane.

[Mark Normand]

That's what J.J. redick did.

[Peters]

Oh, really?

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

He lived in Brooklyn.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, what was the joke?

[Bobby Lee]

The best tweet I saw was, and I wish I knew to give him credit, but he said it sucks so much living in Philly, you'd rather risk your life than live there, or something like that.

[Mark Normand]

It was another good one, too. Yeah, it's crazy went there, but, I mean, yeah, if the Celtics don't trade Jaylen Brown to the Sixers, this doesn't happen. So if you're a Philly fan, enjoy. I mean, you can have a good team for at least a year or two.

[Bobby Lee]

What is it, embiid?

[Mark Normand]

If you can stay healthy.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, he wants that. He wants one more champion, but he's bouncing around la, Miami, Cleveland. He's jumping around like a convicted priest.

[Mark Normand]

This is his fourth stop.

[Peters]

This is the one I thought was the best one. It's our pal Elon Altman.

[Mark Normand]

What do you say?

[Peters]

LeBron's the first person to move from Bel Air to West Philadelphia.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's good.

[Bobby Lee]

That's good. I'd send him a nice text on that one. Well played.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Are there any other bangers?

[Peters]

Let's see.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, LeBron. Yeah. I mean, I'm kind of happy that. Because if the Knicks lose the championship, he's definitely a Knick.

[Bobby Lee]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Definitely. I think. I think it was probably mutual that he didn't want to come as badly. Because they won.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because it's not as cool a story if they lose.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

And then the Knicks were like, we're good.

[Bobby Lee]

Yep.

[Peters]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

We got our squad. But, yeah, it's cool that our first championship in 53 years, he can't, like, claim it.

[Bobby Lee]

It's.

[Mark Normand]

It's our. It's our guys.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, exactly. I'm sure they didn't want him either. Right. They don't want that guy in the green room or the locker room.

[Mark Normand]

I think you're such a comic.

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want that guy on stage.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they auditioned him for the team and it didn't. But, no, he. I think. I think probably chemistry was a. He's still good.

[Bobby Lee]

Sure.

[Mark Normand]

I think chemistry was probably a concern.

[Peters]

Is that Philly team a threat now?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they're good. I mean, we swept their fucking ass this year. But they lost. They traded Paul George, who was kind of a negative for Jaylen Brown, and they got LeBron. So if they're healthy and they got Tyrese Maxey, who's a stud, and Vijay Edgecombe is a good young player, they added this guy, Dean Wade from Cleveland, who's really good defensively, they're deep. They added this guy Simons, who's a good shooter. They're going to be a tough team for sure. I think it's all about, like, health. You never know. But on paper, they're really good.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you kind of feel like, as a die hard Knicks fan, we got the win. Took 53 years. We got it. We're good for a while. Like, if they have a bad season, it's not the end of the world. Obviously you don't want them to have a bad season, but you got the win.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'm. Yes and no. I'm. I'm good for life, kind of, because that was so epic. But at the same time, like, we have a short window with these guys.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

So I hope they can, like, at least make. If they win, at least make some noise the next couple years. I think they could.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. So come on in to the pod, boys. Jalen.

[Mark Normand]

Josh.

[Bobby Lee]

Come on, Josh. Sorry I called you boy, but you know what I'm saying, You know, boys is different. Boys is different. Yes. Come on down. We'd love to have you tell us about your experience and tell Shazma to lower the price.

[Peters]

Oh, did you see this thing about SGA being gay?

[Mark Normand]

Sham it.

[Bobby Lee]

Sham it. Sham.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, Shazmat. The was that? I'm like the mark whisperer. I'm like. Wait, what the was that? Jazmat.

[Bobby Lee]

Thank you. Here, my Han Solo to Wookie. You speak Norman?

[Peters]

They're here.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like. He says, hello. What?

[Peters]

So someone found SGA's Grindr account.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Get out of here.

[Mark Normand]

He's too high profile to be on Grindr.

[Bobby Lee]

Also, he doesn't need it.

[Peters]

No.

[Bobby Lee]

There it is. Whoa.

[Peters]

Bong.

[Mark Normand]

I'm gonna guess this isn't real.

[Bobby Lee]

Can you pull up the gay straight guys?

[Peters]

Yes, sir.

[Bobby Lee]

This is my favorite thing on the Internet. You must have seen this.

[Peters]

What is this?

[Bobby Lee]

I don't want to ruin it, but there's a guy who goes to a man on the street, like in. Oh, yeah, on the Strip.

[Mark Normand]

Would you rather a gay guy lose his WI Fi or that one?

[Bobby Lee]

No, Now I got to.

[Mark Normand]

Those are funny. Would you rather have a thousand dollars or a gay guy loses Wi Fi and they just. And then it just makes your phone glitch. Like it stops. It stops loading. So it's like, oh, I'm the gay guy. That's. It's a good joke.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. This is the most brilliant comedy thing I've seen in years. This guy is gay or straight? Oh, gay, gay. What makes you say that?

[Mark Normand]

He just has a gay Persona. Are you straight?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, this straight. Do you think other people would think that? That's why it's brilliant.

[Peters]

I'm straight.

[Bobby Lee]

Do you think this guy is gay or straight? What makes you say that?

[Mark Normand]

I don't know. He looks too happy.

[Peters]

Wait, he can't look happy?

[Bobby Lee]

No. Well, no, I don't know. Be honest with you.

[Mark Normand]

It would be just a guess. That's Jeffrey Epstein.

[Bobby Lee]

I know, right?

[Mark Normand]

It's close.

[Bobby Lee]

Now, are you gay or straight? I'm straight.

[Peters]

Do you think other people would think that?

[Mark Normand]

I have no idea.

[Bobby Lee]

But the good thing about me is I don't care.

[Mark Normand]

Do you think this guy is gay or straight?

[Bobby Lee]

Honestly, I think the interviewer gay. Cuz as a grown man. Why you asking? Is another gay?

[Mark Normand]

Are you gay?

[Bobby Lee]

All right, this, this is. This is not the original guy. The original guy is better. But the genius of this bit is it taps into the male ego. Cuz you go, oh, that guy's a. A homo. I'm the. But then everyone else thinks you're the homo. I mean, it's brilliant. What makes you say that? Guy posing. You could just tell, are you gay or straight? I'm straight. Do you think other people think that? I don't give a. What nobody else thinks. Does this guy look gay or.

[Mark Normand]

You know what he does?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You saw this video.

[Bobby Lee]

He look gay to me. Like, man, they never not say gay. They say gay every time. I mean this. I'm on the floor of my apartment howling, watching this. Good times. You need some N word in there. When they say the N word, it's funnier.

[Mark Normand]

That is true. Yeah, it's. It's like a punctuation. Nice little exclamation point, man.

[Peters]

I mean, look at this photo.

[Bobby Lee]

They found the right photo, I'll give him that.

[Peters]

That's him acting straight.

[Mark Normand]

You can. You can screenshot us and make.

[Bobby Lee]

Let's do it.

[Mark Normand]

Bring it up.

[Bobby Lee]

Hold on.

[Mark Normand]

Let's do a face. Like

[Bobby Lee]

I have. I'm blowing Bobby at one point on this table. Like we've done it all.

[Mark Normand]

You just freeze frame on the right thing.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's pretty easy to make us look.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, speaking of those Internet videos, some guy made one about me and he's like the comedian Other comedians hate. And it was me, and I was like, ah, gee, here we go. So I read the description, and it's just a list of people I farted on, and I was like, all right, I'll handle that. That's good stuff.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty good.

[Bobby Lee]

I'll take it. But it's like a picture of Bargazi, like, and it's a picture of Louie, like, you know, and it's all these guys. I did. Yeah. You don't know the story?

[Mark Normand]

Not on the. Yeah, I know that story. I thought. Not in the episode.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

I know the hotel story. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I wanted to follow him here to get redemption, but I didn't have anything cooking.

[Peters]

Redemption would be him farting on you, not you farting on him again.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, maybe call back.

[Mark Normand]

Call back.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Redemption. I thought I'd, you know, I'd even the score by farting on him twice.

[Bobby Lee]

Well, you know what I mean. I wanted to keep it going.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that was a hot app, man. People like the Louis app, right?

[Bobby Lee]

Over half a million.

[Peters]

Half a million, so.

[Bobby Lee]

Over half a million. Yeah. Not including the audio.

[Peters]

We do a thing on the show called Working on any bits.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Peters]

Are you guys working on any bits?

[Mark Normand]

I got a few ideas.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. I got some ideas.

[Mark Normand]

I had one idea about how, like, I went to the dog park the other day. I couldn't get in. You need a dog to get in. You know, they went to the kid park. Same thing. I go, that's a. That's a fair rule.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You should have to have a kid to get in.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Mark Normand]

Because they're different, you know, like, you can, like, go up to someone, be like, hey, can I pet your dog? I've never go up to someone's kid, like, may I? You know, I said, you know, you want your dog to get groomed.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, is that something?

[Mark Normand]

I need, like, one more. But it's, like, close.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a lot here. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Kids, park versus dog park.

[Bobby Lee]

Hmm.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Because they were, like, side by side. We just went to.

[Peters]

Oh, a pocket full of treats.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Pocket full of treats is fun.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, how about this? How big is it gonna get? Oh, you always say that with a dog, you know, or like, how old? How old?

[Mark Normand]

Maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, maybe a girl could be like, this is my son. He's a rescue. Yeah, you get the rescue line in there. He's adopted. He's a rescue.

[Mark Normand]

Rescue. There's a lot to play with.

[Bobby Lee]

There's a lot here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I'll noodle with it tonight. It got something Last night for sure.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Because it's okay to say, I love dogs, I'm a dog lover and not have a dog. Yeah, but you can't not have a kid. I love kids.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's the line. That's the Etsy angle. Yeah. I love. I love dogs. Yeah. Do you have one? No. I love kids. You have one. That's. That's how. Maybe that's it.

[Bobby Lee]

That's right there.

[Mark Normand]

All right, that's close.

[Bobby Lee]

Hey, this is.

[Mark Normand]

There's a lot there. I'm going to take it back. I was bent the cellar every night, so it's been helpful.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, now tell me this. I'm very happy with this line and I think I can add to it, but I'm so nervous. It's been done.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Bobby Lee]

So I was looking at

[Mark Normand]

Law and Order bit.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Keep on packing trucks.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

I have a bit about, like, lgbtq, blah, blah. And then I hit me. Like, it's weird that gay. There's gay men and gay women, but we have the word lesbian. Why can't it just be gay men and gay woman? Why do we need the word lesbian? Then I realized, oh, because gay means happy.

[Peters]

Oh, my God.

[Bobby Lee]

It kills. It kills. And then I say a couple other things. Like, I ran that joke by my lesbian friend. She hated it, which checks out.

[Mark Normand]

That's fun.

[Bobby Lee]

So it's got. It's got legs. But I'm so worried. It's been done. That feels right there. Gaming's happy.

[Mark Normand]

I haven't. I've heard gaming's happy as a line. That's the only fear I have. I mean.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, but that. Everybody knows lesbians are bummed out, you know?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, you gotta Google it, I think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Mark Normand]

But it's. But it's. It's a funny line.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. All right, thanks. It's. It's hitting this.

[Mark Normand]

Gaming's happy.

[Bobby Lee]

It's good. It's getting one of those laughs where

[Mark Normand]

they're like, oh, the reluctant laugh. I love the reluctant.

[Bobby Lee]

Love reluctant. So I'm happy with it. But it. Yeah, I'll play with it.

[Mark Normand]

You're gay with it. All right, what else you got?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you go. You go.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's.

[Bobby Lee]

Let me see

[Mark Normand]

what I have.

[Bobby Lee]

He's liking that one.

[Mark Normand]

You like that one?

[Peters]

I did.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I think it's worth Googling, but it's funny. All right.

[Bobby Lee]

I'm too scared to Google it because I got nailed with South Park. Everybody's like, that's a South park bit. The last one I did.

[Mark Normand]

Really?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. The one about undercover cops doing anal. I said, it's weird that gay sex used to be considered that was illegal. And I go, how the hell the cops enforce that? Was there one undercover cop at a hotel room? Like, you're under arrest.

[Mark Normand]

You know, like, remember that south park? Actually, what happened? It wasn't gay.

[Peters]

It was just.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it was gay.

[Bobby Lee]

It was. Well, Parks is a little different. I. Look, I watched it, so I don't know where to go here. But it's south park is a cop dresses a prostitute, and the frat house take. You know, buys the prostitute and fucks one of the guys. And then he was like, he's under arrest for prostitution. And all the cops are like, bob, don't you think you're taking this little far at the front house? And he goes, give me an evidence bag. He shits out all the Jews. Because it's South Park.

[Peters]

They don't miss.

[Bobby Lee]

They don't miss. And they're like, bob, I think you got to cool it with this tactic.

[Mark Normand]

I remember it now. I remember that it happened to me with a joke once back in the day, I had a joke about how, like, Halloween is the best day for registered sex offenders to knock on your door.

[Bobby Lee]

That's a great joke.

[Mark Normand]

SNL did a sketch about it, so I had to just drop it.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but I mean, that's how it happens. You got to research it. I had this idea. I have a whole abortion chunk that's hitting, and I have this one line. I'm trying to tweet this one line about how someone told me they got an abortion for $800. And I was like, I think that's a good price, because it shouldn't be the price part that you regret. Oh, yeah, you shouldn't be leaving the clinic. Like, that was a fucking rip.

[Bobby Lee]

I got fucked twice, Right?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It didn't do great last night, but I think there's something there. Yeah, it was at the end, the day of. It might have been too many abortion jokes. I have, like, a morning after, because the others are killing.

[Bobby Lee]

And then, you know, abortion jokes still hit a nerve with people. I've noticed. You think like, hey, this progressive city, abortion's legal, but they still. I don't. Maybe it's like an internal thing, a primal thing, but it still bothers people.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, there's something there. I've had some other ideas. Hold on, let me look.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, give me a. Give me a quickie.

[Mark Normand]

A quickie.

[Bobby Lee]

I got another quickie.

[Mark Normand]

I got a couple quickies.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I Got a quickie. I don't know if I've ever brought this one here. I feel like it's close. I read this headline, it said, teacher molested seven schools at a $60,000 a year high school. And I was like, I don't know if you need to put the price in there. I don't think that's the part that's the issue.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, right.

[Mark Normand]

Anyone? Like, look, this school's tuition free, so if your kid gets fucked, it's on you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's good.

[Mark Normand]

There's something to that. Maybe.

[Bobby Lee]

That's good. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Too many pedo jokes.

[Bobby Lee]

I do too. My bread and butter, which is what I give the kids, but yeah. Yeah, I got a lot of them too.

[Mark Normand]

It's like fucking close.

[Bobby Lee]

That's really good. No, I think there's a lot there.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. What else you got?

[Bobby Lee]

You know, no one ever goes, hey, my kid got in this really good school. He's not gonna get fucked. You know, no one ever goes, my kids going to public school, he's a goner.

[Mark Normand]

It's a free for all.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What else you got?

[Bobby Lee]

Is this anything? So my wife is always like, you got a big. You gotta cool it with the ego. I hate the male ego. Male ego. And I was like, men do have a big ego. Like, I could say to the room, everybody in every guy in this room thinks they're attractive. And I'm looking at you. There's a lot of uggos out there. Whatever. Every guy thinks they could land the plane if the pilot passes out. Like, I could do this. That's the male ego. And I go, men have to lie to themselves because women don't compliment us ladies, we compliment you. And my wife goes, yeah, but we don't lie to ourselves. And I go, no, no, we lie to you. And that hit.

[Mark Normand]

That's good.

[Bobby Lee]

But it's a. It's a lot of mouthful.

[Mark Normand]

We don't lie to ourselves. Makeup.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, that's a lie. It's a good point. Right?

[Mark Normand]

Although I guess you're not, like, I have to cover this.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. So you're kind of keeping it real. But we lie to it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Do I look fatness? No, no, it's. The go to is to lie to women. It'd be stupid not to lie to women.

[Mark Normand]

Does your wife never compliment you?

[Bobby Lee]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Never?

[Peters]

Never.

[Bobby Lee]

Years either.

[Peters]

Never.

[Bobby Lee]

No, no. And I'm not mad at her.

[Mark Normand]

Compliments me all the time.

[Peters]

What kind of compliments?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, what are we talking?

[Mark Normand]

You're the best. You're so like, all the time. It's non stop.

[Bobby Lee]

What? Yeah. Is that weird? I think that means she wants you to do it to her.

[Mark Normand]

I do do it.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay, well, then. Shit. I've never had a woman.

[Mark Normand]

I don't think any of my exes did. Maybe this is a weird one.

[Bobby Lee]

No, I mean, hold on to this one. No, she's got a rare bird here.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, she was actually a bird. She's not a woman.

[Bobby Lee]

A bird. I love that shirt. Yeah, but if she's complimenting you, stick with it, because, I don't know. Peters, does your wife compliment you? Yeah. Oh, interesting.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's not that weird.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, okay. Well, then that. That might kill the logic of the bit then.

[Mark Normand]

But it's like, maybe just say, my wife never compliments me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, maybe you're right.

[Mark Normand]

But I like the line. Say the line one more time.

[Bobby Lee]

She's like, why do men lie to themselves? Women don't lie to themselves. I'm like, you don't have to. We lie to you. You know?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we're picking up your slack.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Yes.

[Peters]

I gotta break in. Jim Jeffries has your joke.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Peters]

Yeah, remember he did that thing about, like, two lesbians? And then he says at the end, it's because gay means happy.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Right?

[Peters]

That's right there.

[Bobby Lee]

Damn. I had a new bit. Killing. Damn, what a bummer. Well, thank you. Good to know. Because I don't want to Reddit kicking my ass over Jim. Jim.

[Mark Normand]

My next bit is about taking my friend with muscular dystrophy to the brothel. So this is a bummer.

[Bobby Lee]

Got a bit of a gun control here.

[Mark Normand]

Do your Popeyes material.

[Bobby Lee]

Selakus goes off on Chris Montana. We love you, Chris.

[Mark Normand]

Jim Jeffries is a prolific dude. Yeah, great, great comic, same line.

[Bobby Lee]

Great minds. I'll chalk it up to great minds.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it's better to hear that than, like, Mencia has that bit which he took from Jeffries.

[Peters]

It says, you like the post.

[Bobby Lee]

Shut up.

[Peters]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Goes off. I do love the bit about the lesbian marriage.

[Peters]

That's it. And at the very end, it says that there's a line at the. Right. You may have not gotten to the end.

[Mark Normand]

It's good. Before you get really attached to it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, God. Wow. That's great to know. It's a bummer, but good to know.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we lie to you. That's the crux of the bit is like. So what's the setup again?

[Bobby Lee]

Setup is like, she's talking about the male ego. Because that. That airplane going down, that was a big, famous viral Story like, every guy, 80% of men think of a pilot passes out, they could land an airplane.

[Mark Normand]

You need examples of you. Of you lying to her. And then I think it's got to come back to you being like. Like, why we lie to ourselves? Because men do lie to ourselves.

[Bobby Lee]

We do. We really do.

[Mark Normand]

We go, same thing. Like, you know, if the terrorists took over this plane, I could do something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, totally.

[Mark Normand]

But it's like, no, you can. No, they'd shoot you immediately.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. I mean, we do it on the couch. Like, he missed that fucking touchdown. I would have made that touchdown. You know, shit like that.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. I remember at a roommate who used to say, like, if I had paid a Mannings training, I could have made the NFL. And I was like, he got the training because he was good, you idiot.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly. Training. It's hilarious.

[Mark Normand]

Now you think that, like, you see a movie, like, about a badass, and you're like, that's. I could do that.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's like, no, I could fucking watch it.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. We think we're John Wick. That's why we watch it. We go, that's cool. I could do that. There's a little party mencia. Believe it or not, he had that old joke where every guy walks out of a action movie, and it's like, I could kick anybody's ass. I'm ready to fight anybody. Not his best joke, but I think he stole from Bob Newhart. But I'm just saying.

[Mark Normand]

Well, it's like Eddie Murphy's bit about Rocky when he's. Yes, you Italians get out there and you believe that shit.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, geez. Oh, geez. I didn't know about this. A month old.

[Mark Normand]

He was stealing money, too.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, my God. Tweet it.

[Peters]

Yeah. 12 Carlos. 12 felony tax related.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy moly.

[Peters]

8.7 million in personal. Corporate. Corporate income.

[Bobby Lee]

Holy shit. He stole Wesley Snipes bit. Damn.

[Mark Normand]

Damn clip. That one. That was. That's like a little clip.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. Is it you? I went. I did the ego.

[Mark Normand]

I read this book on the Nuremberg trials, and there's two ideas I have. One is. I know a light summer read, but. But one of it. One of the. It's about Hans Frank, who's Hitler's attorney.

[Peters]

Oh, my God.

[Mark Normand]

And how he was maybe gay. Like, his son thinks he's gay. And I told it to a friend. He was like, yeah, they're just saying that to ruin his reputation. And I was like, I mean, he was a Nazi. Is that tipping the scales for anyone? Like, he was a Nazi. I'm like, whatever. Like, andy, fuck, dudes. You're like, all right, screw that guy. Like, it's even worse. So that was part one, and then part two was how his son grew up to be a prestigious journalist. And he would, you know, he would go, like, you know, right around the world. And he's part of this book, and he goes to a concentration camp, and someone asked him, did you lose your family in the. In the Holocaust? And he said, actually, the opposite. My father is Hans Frank. He was one of the architects of the concentration camps. He was Hitler's attorney. And he walked away with great shame and guilt. And I was like, wow, if that were me, I would have just said no. Like, what the fuck? Why do you share that much, you psycho? You're not helping. Helping anyone.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

What do you want them to do with that information, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's great.

[Mark Normand]

So that I think there's something there. But the gay thing is the part that's like. I think it could be, like, maybe better order.

[Peters]

But it's like, yeah, I think if Hitler is. Hitler's, like, if I had a Jewish law, I wouldn't be in this trouble.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I thought about that. Because there's something funny about, like, them saying that Jews are inferior, and then they're just being prosecuted by all these fucking super Jew lawyers. Like, these are, like, literally the smartest lawyers they had. And they're like, they're actually not bad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know, or something like that. There's also something funny about, like, gay or not. I don't know which way to go here, but, like, gay and Nazi, it's like, either way, you're disappointing any father. One of those is gonna piss off any dad.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, well, it's got to be. The Jew lawyer thing has got to be how the white supremacists feel when Jackie Robinson showed up. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Oh, we're the superior race. We're better than.

[Mark Normand]

We're pretty good at this.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Peters]

Both 1947, by the way.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, is that right?

[Peters]

Jackie Robinson was 47.

[Bobby Lee]

And the trials.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah. Holy shit.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That's a good fucking movie. 42. It's a good sports movie.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Jackie Robinson. I like the gay thing, too.

[Mark Normand]

Like, there's something to it.

[Bobby Lee]

Right. Kumail had this great old bit where he said, 57.

[Peters]

I'm sorry, 57. Yeah, sorry, 57, Jackie. 57.

[Mark Normand]

That makes more sense.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. Kumail has a great bit about Dumbledore. J.K. rowling made Dumbledore gay and like, that pissed off a bunch of people. And there was like, I can't believe he's gay. Like, you can believe he's a wizard.

[Mark Normand]

That's Ted Alexandro.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, is that Ted?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, man. Is Ted.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

What am I thinking of? Kumail had a different Harry Potter bit, maybe. But, yeah, you're right.

[Mark Normand]

Between us, we get a pretty good encyclopedia.

[Bobby Lee]

Not bad. Not bad.

[Peters]

April 47.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, you're right.

[Bobby Lee]

You're.

[Peters]

My dad was probably Nuremberg trials right around then, too.

[Mark Normand]

That's crazy that it was in 47.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That must have been really hard.

[Peters]

Oh, I think he fought in the war.

[Mark Normand]

Is that true?

[Peters]

And he was like, I can't believe I get to. I have to fight in the war and I can't play baseball.

[Mark Normand]

In my country, baseball players fought in the war.

[Bobby Lee]

All those guys.

[Mark Normand]

Ted Williams lost three years of his prime. Ted Williams was the fighter pilot. Crazy 2010 vision.

[Bobby Lee]

In Korea, too.

[Peters]

He served in Korea as well.

[Bobby Lee]

He had kills.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he killed people.

[Bobby Lee]

He killed people. Oh, he's a bummer.

[Mark Normand]

But he had, like, crazy vision because, I mean, it's like, if you can bat 400, clearly you got insane eyesight.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But his whole unit, I think, was, like, crazy. I think it was, like, the best.

[Bobby Lee]

God, men were men. We're weak.

[Mark Normand]

We're posies.

[Bobby Lee]

We are. We really are. Like, going over. Just going over there is a hassle. Like, I got to go to fucking Germany. How long is that flight? Is it first class now? You're actually on a plane in a bench with their thing hooked.

[Mark Normand]

The flight gets delayed now, and we're like, I know. Meanwhile, they're like, you have to go to war. And they're like, all right.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

What men did you see the guys

[Bobby Lee]

in the U boats. I'm like, how many are in here? There's a lot of people. There's no cushion. It's all metal. Like the raves.

[Mark Normand]

Is it a meal?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Mark Normand]

That's my impression of a Jew on the Odyssey. Does anyone have Dramamine? Any of those wristbands? I'm seasick.

[Bobby Lee]

Is there dairy in this?

[Peters]

Sam has a panic attack in Greece for 15 minutes.

[Mark Normand]

That I know.

[Peters]

I know.

[Mark Normand]

Not a panic attack, but I know I was fine there. I felt bad after the. That's when I feel bad. I feel bad when I have a. When I give them. I feel like a bad show and I'm slipping. Because you can't. That's the thing about the sellers. You can't help but compare yourself to other acts down the Road. You're kind of free of that because you have the cushion of your audience. And, you know, you sometimes watch the opener, but you're usually working on your shit. But I often see someone before me at the Cellar, and if I. So I know if I got buried.

[Bobby Lee]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

So it's not healthy. But you're going to compare yourself.

[Bobby Lee]

And whether we like it or not, the audience is doing it too. I see everybody walk out. Go. The third guy was great. I didn't really like the. The one guy, but that. The second guy was awesome. They do it. It's just instinctively. But the road is great, too. I'm doing Jim Jeffries bits. I'm killing. Crushing with Jeffries. Won't happen again. Jim. I didn't know, even though I liked the bit, apparently. All right, hold on. Thought I had one. I can't find it. There's a piggybacking on the gay thing. Feel free to cut. I can't think of it. Maybe it's in my phone.

[Mark Normand]

This has been a great last episode. We have to do that. We have to do last drink every week now.

[Bobby Lee]

Totally.

[Mark Normand]

This is it, guys. This is it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, by the way, the right left thing is working about the right. Loves the country. Love hates the country, that whole thing.

[Peters]

Can you set that one up for us? I don't remember.

[Bobby Lee]

I did on the last step two eps ago, and then Peters gave me the line, try it. Try this. This food tastes weird. Try it. And that killing. So kudos to you. Damn it.

[Mark Normand]

There's always a couple I have that. I'm like, this should work.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Peters]

Funny.

[Mark Normand]

I was talking jokes with Matt Broussard, who's so mathematical about jokes. He's a, you know, very good joke. And he's like, that should work. And then I tried and it didn't work. And I was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's. It sucks when you have a joke that people compliment and it just isn't working right, you know? Like, that was hilarious. Like, it does. It works, like, 30% of the time.

[Bobby Lee]

I know. I have a few of those, too. It's so frustrating. Is this stupid? Just tell me this is stupid. I'll move on. So I got this kid, and it's weird that a lot of my rich friends I know have no kids and a lot of my broke friends have five kids. I'm like, what's up with that? Like, why would you, you know, why would you have a kid if you're broke? Then I realized making kids is free. Isn't that weird? The most important thing in your life, the most thing you love the most, was free to make. Obviously it costs money later, but free to make. And then maybe it's because rich people can have their own experiences. They can go to parties, concerts, travel. Poor people are like, this is my thing. I could make a kid.

[Mark Normand]

Could be something that's funny about how gay guys love Broadway. It's expensive. Can't make a kid.

[Bobby Lee]

Right, Right.

[Mark Normand]

Still fuck, though, I guess.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. And then I. The only part that gets a laugh is I go, it's free to make a kid. Getting rid of a kid, that's 400 bucks.

[Mark Normand]

That's good.

[Bobby Lee]

That hits. Because maybe they're so poor they can't afford to get rid of it. But I think that. I think the point of it is if you're rich, you can afford to like, do other stuff. Do other stuff. When you're poor, you're like, hey, I can make a kid and have a

[Mark Normand]

pretty cool IMAX is getting expensive. Let's fuck.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You don't think about that. There's gonna be an 18 year commitment.

[Bobby Lee]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

Free to make. But then you're like, it's almost like maxing out your credit cards.

[Bobby Lee]

I had that line. It's like a credit card. Yeah. It's free to get. But then after a while you're gonna. It's gonna ruin your life.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

You gotta pay for it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. Free to. I had a bit that never worked from back in the day. It was like, about Elon Musk and like, how rich and poor actually have more in common than you think.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But it's like, you know, both of them just like, they love fucking without condoms, you know?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I forgot where it went. But the angle was like. Because I think rich people were like, it'll work out. I'm rich. And poor people are like, I mean, I'm fucked. Anyway. I'll just, you know, like part the. I think the premise of it. I forgot how it went, but.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The idea that kids are free, I think it's like, pay later is like the angle.

[Bobby Lee]

It's like, pay later.

[Mark Normand]

Free now. Pay later.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

What else is free now that you pay later for?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's like college. You take out a big loan.

[Mark Normand]

That's fucking good college.

[Bobby Lee]

Because then it fucks you later.

[Mark Normand]

The kid takes a loan out too.

[Bobby Lee]

Right? And the kid wants to go to college.

[Mark Normand]

That's. I think there's something there.

[Bobby Lee]

Interesting. College, huh?

[Mark Normand]

What else? What. I mean, it's free credit card.

[Peters]

Getting married is free.

[Bobby Lee]

No, well, the wedding is.

[Peters]

I mean, you go to city hall.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

Also, I find a lot of rich people I know are much more stingy than the poor people I know. Don't you notice that? Like, poor people, like, I just take it. And rich people are like, yeah, fuck, I need this.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true. I see people, like, scruffy looking people give a homeless guy a dollar and

[Mark Normand]

the guy in the suit doesn't exactly. Yeah, there's something about, I don't know

[Bobby Lee]

by the way you wear a suit. I had to wear a suit the other day for something. People treat you way different.

[Mark Normand]

What would you do?

[Bobby Lee]

I did. I did do something with a suit. What the hell is I doing something with the wife? It wasn't comedy. It was like a dinner or something. Yeah, it was like a dinner, something. She was dressed up, I was dressed up.

[Mark Normand]

Well, how'd they treat you?

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, people were asking me for directions. People were like, like, just talking to me like, what do you do for a living, sir? And I was like, sir. Oh, my God. It's crazy. It was. People treat you way differently. If you were.

[Mark Normand]

What do you do for a living?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I had a guy on the subway like, hey, like, sir, what do you guys do? Because we were both dressed up, like, what are you guys up to? You guys going to the opera? Yeah. It was interesting.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, that's what you do.

[Bobby Lee]

It was almost like if they knew I never wear a suit, they could sense that it was weird.

[Mark Normand]

I feel that way when I wear a suit. Yeah, it's pretty rare. And I feel like I'm getting looks, but I think. I think it's in my head. I don't think it's real.

[Peters]

Showed you a picture of a guy, this guy gay to you?

[Mark Normand]

Us in suits.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Broadway is funny too. You like? That's why gay guys, something so much experiences, so many experiences. They go out to eat, they go to concerts, they go to Broadway.

[Mark Normand]

There's no kids.

[Bobby Lee]

They got no kids.

[Mark Normand]

Some have kids, some adopt.

[Bobby Lee]

True. But it's like, yeah, pay later.

[Mark Normand]

It's close to something.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's close. It's right there. There's something. Every comic I told this to, they go, oh, yeah. But then we get. We don't get anywhere. Hmm. Yeah, kids are free. Just fascinating to me that the most important thing in your life was free to make. He got it for free. Maybe even an accident. You know, some guys, they. They love their. Their Mercedes Benz. They wash it every day. They change the oil, do all this Shit, they paid, you know, 80 grand for this thing, but the kid you like even more than that. And it was free.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

Feels off. In the words of Carlin, there's something off here, but I don't know what I'm trying to say.

[Mark Normand]

You should like a kid more than a Mercedes.

[Bobby Lee]

You should. Yeah. One is like the things.

[Mark Normand]

All right, but that fucking car, dude. So cool. I mean, I'm also thinking of thing like, you know, a lot of people just fuck to fuck.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mark Normand]

Then, like, then you spend all this money to, like, you know. Condoms aren't cheap. More nafta. Pill ain't cheap.

[Bobby Lee]

Abortion. A couple hundred bucks. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Couple hundred. Where are you going? 200.

[Bobby Lee]

Did you say 800?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. That's not a couple hundred. Oh, all right, 800 abortions.

[Peters]

800.

[Bobby Lee]

There were four back when I was banging. I paid for a lot of abortions. They were for New York, by the way. That was 2013, 14.

[Mark Normand]

This is such a funny image. You're like, oh, not bad. Good stuff.

[Bobby Lee]

It's also funny that abortions go up. Like, right? What is this, the. The market? You know, like, are we getting rid of more kids? Yeah, I guess. Everything has to go up. So that means in the 50s, were they like, look it up. 50.

[Peters]

I think they were illegal in the 50s.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

If you knew someone, though, you go

[Peters]

to a doctor or Puerto Rico's.

[Mark Normand]

Right, Right. People you knew someone, you know, I

[Bobby Lee]

bet they charged a lot because they're like, you need me, you know, this is illegal and I'm saving your life.

[Peters]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What's the deal?

[Peters]

Like, what.

[Mark Normand]

What year did it become? I think in the 70s, right?

[Peters]

Yeah. 70s, right? Yeah. In the 1950s underground, illegal abortions typically cost 100 to 500 equivalent to a thousand to 5,000 today.

[Bobby Lee]

They gouge you because they got you by the balls.

[Peters]

They literally gouged you.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah.

[Peters]

Back alley abortions. Yeah.

[Bobby Lee]

They got you by the womb.

[Mark Normand]

Back alley sounds rough. Yeah, because you picture a back alley.

[Peters]

Yes.

[Bobby Lee]

Not even an alley.

[Mark Normand]

A back alley.

[Bobby Lee]

What is a back alley? Aren't they all back alleys? There's front alley. Front alley, back alley. That's like full blown aids. What does full blown mean?

[Mark Normand]

Are you talking to the abortion doctor? He's like, trying to perform it. He's like, will you shut up? Jesus Christ. Enough by the alley. It's my office.

[Bobby Lee]

What's up with the bowling alley?

[Peters]

Don't get me started on Christy alley. You got any peeves? I know you're cooking up up some peeves, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

No, I got.

[Bobby Lee]

I had two peeves on the way here and I go, I will remember them. And I forgot.

[Mark Normand]

I might have another.

[Bobby Lee]

Maybe they'll jar you don't remember something.

[Mark Normand]

Have another peeve.

[Bobby Lee]

By the way, shout out to a rental car. I always about rental car. 6t. Best rental car company.

[Mark Normand]

Never heard any of these companies really pull them up.

[Bobby Lee]

You've seen this? I do them.

[Peters]

They're great.

[Bobby Lee]

They're great. They're a little bit more money. But I scanned a QR code, he handed me a key. No line, no bullshit.

[Peters]

Yeah. Oops. Yeah, that's them.

[Bobby Lee]

I mean, the car is nice and

[Mark Normand]

you get a nice car.

[Peters]

30% less than Hertz and all that stuff. This is not an ad. I just happened to use it too.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, I got, I got a Beamer in Florida. I was zipping around, I felt like a badass.

[Mark Normand]

Damn.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it was nice. And no Beamer in New York. That's true. But it's vintage.

[Mark Normand]

I got a pee for you.

[Bobby Lee]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Companies that give you a really long window, like cable companies or people be there one to five. I'm like one to five. Like, Like I know the second I put my ass in the toilet seat, they're gonna hit the doorbell.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

I know the second I take it, I'm like, oh, 100% 237. I should have known.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes, yes.

[Mark Normand]

So annoying.

[Bobby Lee]

What was that thing we had at the diner? I was like, this is a Larry David moment.

[Peters]

Oh, I think it was you talking about if you go to the airport or you're at a party and you're charging your phone. This one?

[Bobby Lee]

Yes.

[Peters]

You go to airport, you're charging your phone and you have to walk away from it and you come back and someone else is charging their phone with your phone stacked on top of each other.

[Bobby Lee]

Yes. This I hate. That's a fight. That's fighting words.

[Mark Normand]

I think that's not like that's an insane move.

[Bobby Lee]

That's stealing. But then they always go, well, what are you at? And you go, I was here first. That's my argument.

[Mark Normand]

That's the story of America.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, sorry, Indians. Yeah, that's, that's, that's fight words. I mean, that's stealing. You're stealing my outlet.

[Mark Normand]

That's. I've never heard of that. That's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

That's great.

[Mark Normand]

To get yourself one of those little charge packs.

[Bobby Lee]

I have one.

[Mark Normand]

Comes in handy on the road. The girls girlfriend's battery is always dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Same with mine.

[Mark Normand]

Always dead.

[Bobby Lee]

Wife always. She's in the red all the time. Like, how do you live like this?

[Mark Normand]

It's crazy.

[Bobby Lee]

And then we'll go to bars. She's like, can you charge this? I'm like, now you got to give it to every bartender and every waitress.

[Peters]

That is.

[Mark Normand]

It is a girl move.

[Bobby Lee]

That is a girl move. She'll do it with the Uber.

[Mark Normand]

I'll let the phone die.

[Bobby Lee]

That's true.

[Mark Normand]

It is such a girl move to be like, excuse me.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, you know what else is a girl move that I could never do? This is a drunk girl move. Single days, you get in the Uber and they're like, excuse me, Muhammad, can I use your ox cord? And then they put on fucking Ariana Grande, and it's like, boochie, boochie. I can't believe you had the balls as this guy for his ox cord and now you're playing your music in his camera.

[Mark Normand]

The only time I ever did the control of the radio in the cab is when I was shit faced.

[Bobby Lee]

Exactly.

[Mark Normand]

The only time I be like, hey, can we get some good fucking tunes on?

[Bobby Lee]

What would you play? Enough of this thing. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Put on some strokes. This is America.

[Peters]

Sam, you're drunk in an Uber and you have the aux cord.

[Mark Normand]

What are you playing off my phone? Yeah, I got a killer pre show playlist. I'll send it to you. It's just. It hits every mood, goes high, goes low. It's got country, rap, rock.

[Bobby Lee]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

It's got every. I got make them laugh on there. Oh, I love it. Because I need a good vibe song.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

So I got oldies, I got new stuff. It's. It's great. So, all right. Every city I go to, they go, who? Whose list is this? And I always end up sending it to the people.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah, it's a good playlist.

[Mark Normand]

No, Schindler's List is what it's called.

[Bobby Lee]

Schindler's Playlist. Playlist. I was worried you were like, when I get to the drunk and I get to the cam, I put on my playlist and hallelujah.

[Mark Normand]

That's what I'm. That's after I get dumped. Give me that aux cord dude. Put on don't think Twice by Bob Dylan.

[Bobby Lee]

Don't think twice. It's all right.

[Mark Normand]

Put on some towns Van Sand.

[Bobby Lee]

All right. What an app. What an app.

[Mark Normand]

What a. What a banger.

[Bobby Lee]

All right, I'll save that. That phone charger. That is a peeve of the year. And the stacking on your phone is like insult to injury. Totally crazy. Crazy talk. All Right. Where are you going to be? Are you doing some clubs? Huh?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I just added some that aren't on my site yet. But, yeah, for now, let's go with Brea. Improv. What is that, the 21st, the 23rd of August. Then I got Lisbon. Can you make it a little bigger there? Athens, Greece. Selling well there. Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw. Added a second show. There's all September. Helsinki. Never been. Can't wait. Stockholm, Copenhagen. Then I just added Nashville. Zanies. September 18th and 19th. Can't wait. And then San Diego, September 24 through 26, Acme. And at the end of that month, my special drop. So you better be ready for that one. I just added. Yeah, we have something. Should be on sale by the time this comes out. I'll add something. November 12th. But we just added the Improv in Pittsburgh, November 19th through 21st. Hilarities in Cleveland, December 3rd through 5th. Madison. Comedy Club on State, December 10th through 12th. And the Boobies in Baltimore December 17th through 19th. Can't wait for all these. I'm gonna have to cook up some new shit, but I'm working on it.

[Bobby Lee]

Oh, yeah, here we go. I'm at the Houston Improv. That's a big room, so we'd love to have you. Zanies in Nashville. We added the show. Pittsburgh Improv. Hello. Yinzas. Casino Regina. Two shows. Gets them every time.

[Mark Normand]

Everything.

[Bobby Lee]

Calgary. Come on out to that. That's a hot room. Club Regent Event center in Winnipeg. All right, I assume that's a casino. And Acme in Minneapolis. And this might go with the movie, so we'll see. But Denver, comedy works and comedy on State.

[Mark Normand]

Bangers.

[Bobby Lee]

Bangers in a row, huh?

[Mark Normand]

Damn, that is like. That's all top five.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Portland Helium. We'll see what the movie. But, yeah, we'd love to have you. Then I'm doing two quick ones at Cap City in Austin. Tropicana. Palazzo in Vegas. Charlotte. Yada yada. Come on out. Mothership and Foxwoods. And there you go. Thank you, folks. Get some Bodega cat Whiskey.

[Mark Normand]

Bodega Whiskey.com. bodega Cat Whiskey on. On Instagram. DM. We're making a lot of moves at these places. Oh, and you know what? We forgot to do this. We want to get into the electrolyte powder game. So if anyone knows how to do this, please hit us up. We want it to be a companion Bodega cat, electrolytes powder. You know, cool flavors. Healthy, too. Want to be healthy?

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. You get drunk. The hangover cure the night before. You have the packet. It's a package deal.

[Mark Normand]

We want a bodega. Yeah, it's good for the gym, good for your hangover, all that shit. So sorry, Matt. What?

[Bobby Lee]

Are we good?

[Peters]

I was going to raise a glass to. I don't know if we mentioned it on any other ones. Mark's having another baby.

[Mark Normand]

Mark and Maya fragment.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. I didn't want to bring it up on the show, it's too schmaltzy. But. Yeah, Another baby coming out in Christmas.

[Mark Normand]

Coming out.

[Bobby Lee]

Coming out. Yeah. Two boys.

[Mark Normand]

That's huge.

[Bobby Lee]

Yeah. By the way, no one is more misogynist on the planet. Is when you. And men and women, by the way, they go, what do you have? And I go, boy. They go, oh, thank God. Every single person. Maybe that could be a bit.

[Peters]

It. Coming out.

[Bobby Lee]

Coming out. All right, all right. Goes off on his baby. Don't be mad

[Mark Normand]

if our dicks were in your dad. Don't be mad.

[Bobby Lee]

He was the best we ever had.

[Mark Normand]

Don't be mad. We might be drunk.

[Bobby Lee]

Wrong. Don't be mad if heartaches were in your. When we found him, he was dead. Don't be.