Clitical Thinking

Summary

We Talk Back: Episode Summary - "Clitical Thinking"

Release Date: June 5, 2025
Hosts: TamBam and AJ Holiday
Podcast: We Talk Back by The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction to Clinical Thinking

In this episode titled "Clitical Thinking," hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday delve into the nuanced concept of clinical thinking, distinguishing it from traditional critical thinking. They explore how clinical thinking integrates intuition, emotional intelligence, wisdom, and lived experiences, serving as a powerful tool for navigating relationships and personal decisions.

AJ Holiday [23:11]:
"So, it's like logic with a libido, basically, and boundaries."

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Defining Clinical vs. Critical Thinking

The hosts begin by unpacking the differences between clinical and critical thinking. While critical thinking is often associated with logical, objective, and analytical processes—traits traditionally coded as masculine—clinical thinking is portrayed as more intuitive and emotionally intelligent, qualities frequently attributed to feminine perspectives.

AJ Holiday [50:30]:
"Traditional critical thinking is like spreadsheets and data analytics... Clinical thinking is intuitive, emotionally intelligent."

TamBam [27:31]:
"Sometimes that clinical thinking can have you thinking wrong too."

AJ counters, emphasizing that clinical thinking is grounded in a deep-seated intuition that, more often than not, is reliable.

AJ Holiday [27:45]:
"It's something in my spirit that says, this ain't right. And that's enough. That's all I really need."

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Relationship Dynamics and Masculinity

A significant portion of the discussion centers on relationship dynamics, particularly the expectations placed on men and how these intersect with clinical thinking. The hosts critique the notion of men claiming to be "simple," uncovering the complexities behind such statements.

AJ Holiday [34:03]:
"I feel like you got to bring both. I feel like men should be soft sometimes, too. Masculinity is not just because this... That's not masculinity. Masculinity is more assertive, is more calculated."

TamBam [31:12]:
"I don't think these are stupid. I just think... When I say I'm harder than you, I don't know. I just don't be going for it."

They discuss how men often mask their emotional needs and the societal pressure to appear strong and unbothered, which can hinder authentic communication and intimacy in relationships.

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Personal Anecdotes and Family Dynamics

TamBam shares a personal story about being asked to serve food at her cousin’s wedding, highlighting the complexities of family expectations and personal boundaries.

TamBam [60:09]:
"Families do that, though. Families."

AJ Holiday [60:15]:
"I never call my first cousin and ask her to serve food at my wedding. That's degrading."

This anecdote underscores the importance of setting boundaries and how clinical thinking empowers individuals to honor their feelings and maintain healthy relationships.

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Navigating Emotional Intelligence and Boundaries

The conversation progresses to the importance of emotional intelligence and boundary-setting in personal relationships. The hosts emphasize that clinical thinking aids in recognizing and acting upon one's gut feelings, preventing unhealthy attachments and fostering self-respect.

AJ Holiday [44:03]:
"So like, it's logic with a libido, basically, and boundaries."

TamBam [35:04]:
"I feel like we haven't been allowed to be our greatest feminine selves as black women... responsible for everybody, even the men."

They advocate for women embracing their intuition and emotional intelligence to navigate complex social and romantic landscapes effectively.

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Practical Applications of Clinical Thinking

The hosts provide practical examples of how clinical thinking can be applied in everyday situations, such as handling unsolicited calls from ex-partners or recognizing red flags in new relationships.

AJ Holiday [52:55]:
"What you want? So, y' all bitches thinking y' all could change people at this big age. People do change. I don't agree."

TamBam [53:03]:
"I don't want to say fractions. Like, you don't like how you chew... You can get past that, right?"

They stress the importance of addressing issues as they arise rather than stacking grievances, which can lead to resentment and strained relationships.

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Empowering Women Through Clinical Thinking

Towards the end of the episode, TamBam and AJ Holiday empower their listeners to trust their clinical thinking, encouraging them to speak up and set clear boundaries in all aspects of their lives.

AJ Holiday [65:05]:
"So, you know, critical thinking doesn't mean ignoring logic at all, right? So it just adds, like, an extra layer of protection."

TamBam [68:02]:
"Remember, speak now and never hold your peace, okay? Never, never hold your gut feelings, your clit notes."

They conclude by inviting listeners to share their stories, particularly instances where men have claimed to be simple but failed to meet those claims in action, fostering a community of shared experiences and mutual support.

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Notable Quotes

• AJ Holiday [23:11]:
  "So it's like logic with a libido, basically, and boundaries."

• AJ Holiday [34:03]:
  "I feel like you got to bring both. I feel like men should be soft sometimes, too. Masculinity is not just because this... That's not masculinity. Masculinity is more assertive, is more calculated."

• TamBam [35:04]:
  "I feel like we haven't been allowed to be our greatest feminine selves as black women... responsible for everybody, even the men."

• AJ Holiday [65:05]:
  "So, you know, critical thinking doesn't mean ignoring logic at all, right? So it just adds, like, an extra layer of protection."

• TamBam [68:02]:
  "Remember, speak now and never hold your peace, okay? Never, never hold your gut feelings, your clit notes."

---

Conclusion

In "Clitical Thinking," TamBam and AJ Holiday offer a compelling discussion on the intersection of intuition, emotional intelligence, and logical reasoning in personal and relational contexts. They advocate for women, especially black women, to harness their innate clinical thinking to navigate the complexities of relationships, set healthy boundaries, and empower themselves in a world that often undervalues their emotional and intuitive strengths.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own experiences, trust their gut feelings, and engage in open conversations about the dynamics of masculinity and emotional intelligence in their lives.

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For more episodes, follow We Talk Back on the Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts platforms.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back, where we encourage you.

[AT&T Representative]

To hustle hard, laugh louder and always keep it cute.

[AJ Holiday]

So grab your coffee cocktail and crown cause it's about to go down.

[Tammy]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who Talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y' all? It's your girl, AJ Holiday. Yeah. What's up, tm?

[Chamberlain University Representative]

Bam?

[Tammy]

Hey, y' all. I'm so happy, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

What the. What was that? Right?

[Tammy]

I'm sorry. Hey, y' all. I love y' all so, so very much. How you doing?

[AJ Holiday]

Geeking out right quick.

[Tammy]

I'm so happy. I don't know if it's all right, y' all. I got all my weave out, and I got two puff balls, and it just makes me feel so youthful and just full of life or something. I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting.

[Tammy]

My edges look.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, you better get you some rose oil.

[Tammy]

They growing back.

[AJ Holiday]

We got on here. I was like, you got your real hair out. I hear that.

[Tammy]

That was smooth right there. It's some hair.

[AJ Holiday]

Got the edges flourishing for the summer.

[Tammy]

Don't play with me. Don't play with me.

[AJ Holiday]

I should have got me some braids. I just don't feel like putting them in and taking them out, though. It's just a whole process.

[Tammy]

Yes. But the in between time is so.

[AJ Holiday]

Glorious because I'd be in yoga with a wig scarf on. It was be wig hat for the gym. There's a wig scarf. When I tell y' all, y' all, fuck that gym shit, man. I think I'm about to just only do hot yoga because when I tell you, I burn way more calories in 45 minutes. And hot yoga, like, 600 calories in 45 minutes.

[Tammy]

I can't do nothing hot.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you damn. They can't breathe in that. But. And I'd be right in there, like, tussling to do all them positions, child. Looking stupid. I already know that's how everybody looks.

[Tammy]

Stupid when they start.

[AJ Holiday]

My hip hurt a little bit today, but see that the thing is, I need to stretch more. Yes.

[Tammy]

So, yeah, I'm on day 58 of my 75 heart, and I, like. I look at the beginning pictures in the pictures now, and I can tell, like, my face, like, I can see my body is changing, but I don't know why I thought that I would be looking like Billy Blanks by now. And I don't, you know? So I just knew by the time I got to 60, I was gonna be ripped up. But that's not how it work. Like, the training was like. I mean, this is 75 days is good, but you got good results. Yeah, yeah, I got good results, but I just thought I was gonna look like. I don't know what I thought. I just thought, yeah, by the time I get to 60.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you doing like creatine and stuff like that? Because I put creatine into. In my little regimen. You know what I'm saying? I know. I don't eat enough protein, though.

[Tammy]

Girl, that's. That has been like the hardest part for me. Outside of drinking all that water every day, the protein I've been doing. Like, I found these muffins called bootylicious muffins in their low calorie, low carb.

[AJ Holiday]

They taste good.

[Tammy]

Yeah. And they taste nice. And they got 25 grams of protein. It comes like in a powder form. And you got to add water or milk or whatever, and I just add protein shake as my milk to it. And they're actually good. So I have those in the morning.

[AJ Holiday]

You got to bake them. That's what you're saying.

[Tammy]

Microwave.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tammy]

It was in like a little cup, like a noodle cup, and you just mix it with your water or whatever you want to put in it and then put it in the microwave for a minute, 15 seconds, and it's a little muffin in a pot. And it's so good. And I have that with my black coffee in the morning.

[AJ Holiday]

Nice.

[Tammy]

And that's.

[AJ Holiday]

I just had two eggs this morning. I don't eat enough, man.

[Tammy]

Yeah, that's what I realized. You're supposed to have a gram of protein for every pound of your body. Who is eating that much protein in a day?

[AJ Holiday]

And then because I don't eat meat, like, it's hard. Like, I'm tired of salmon. I don't even. Salmon tastes weird nowad. So I bought like a big ass from Costco. I bought like a big ass box of lobster tails for like 200. It was like 20 lobster tails. Like the big ones too? Yeah. Because it was on sale Mother's Day weekend. So I bought. So I be lobster tails, scallops, you know, I made a little fried lobster. That's. Girl, that's. Imagine like if you go to a restaurant and got a lobster dinner, how much that's gonna cost you? It's gonna be $200 for that one meal, you and somebody else. So I got a whole box of them. That is actually not rich. That's rich broke.

[Tammy]

But that's. That's actually really good. And I noticed that you've been back to Costco, but you haven't mentioned my candle.

[AJ Holiday]

But they don't have them no more. They're gone. I didn't see them when I went back in there.

[Tammy]

I wanted that really badly.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm sorry. You know, I Would have had to went that very next day that we talked about it and I didn't, you know, but you should be able to order it online. I'll give you my Costco account and you could order it to your house online. Anything that you see that you might want usually is on the Costco website. Then that way you could just ship that shit to your house without stepping foot in a Costco.

[Tammy]

Okay, that's cool. I also wanted you to buy it, but it's okay, I'll just.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, where the fuck was I putting that? That thing was. That thing is the size of a waste basket for a bathroom.

[Tammy]

Yeah. It's so big. I love it.

[AJ Holiday]

You gotta be careful with candles because a lot of them shit toxic, man. You want a big, big stupid ass toxic candle in your house?

[Tammy]

I want that.

[AJ Holiday]

Childish.

[Tammy]

I want that all kind of toxic in the house. I want that candle.

[AJ Holiday]

How was your weekend? I didn't do much this past weekend.

[Tammy]

My weekend. I hit. I hit a wall this weekend. Auntie is tired. I could do no more. I could do no more. I just had to rest. I had to. I mean, I did my workouts, but like, I literally did my workouts and got in the bed. That was it. I mean, I went to work.

[AJ Holiday]

That'd be fun.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I did enjoy laying in the bed all day. Like on Sunday I did my workout and then I got back in the bed. I. I tried to go. I was trying. I was supposed to go to New York. It didn't work out, but God said, lay down. And that's what I did. Shout out to Taylor. Taylor had her baby shower Sunday. I missed it. I sent her some nice things. I literally. I'm broke right now because.

[AJ Holiday]

Stop saying you broke, girl. You're in between blessings and ain't never broke. Okay?

[Tammy]

I'm in between blessings because five I know had baby showers this week. Hey, that's 500 gone. Just buying everybody some trying, you know, trying to bless everybody, baby. And I just pray over that money when I spend it on y' all that it comes back.

[AJ Holiday]

You're not spending it, you're circulating it. You see? Gotta choose those words wisely so the money can come back. So you circulated the money and bought the gifts and it's coming right back around.

[Tammy]

I've been.

[AJ Holiday]

And we ain't been fucking enough.

[Tammy]

Slow down.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause where is my goddamn baby, y' all. My birthday Sunday. Where is my baby?

[Tammy]

And then you don't never have no birthday party. I'm sick of you.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't. Because it's like, listen, I like to celebrate. I'm kind of sick of America. Maybe if I. Maybe I could plan a trip for real. Like, I wanted to do a solo trip, and I didn't even execute on that shit.

[Tammy]

Okay? You bullshitted on that.

[AJ Holiday]

I know I did. And now I'm like, I don't want to spend that time. I wanted to go to Barbados, and I don't want to spend that type of money on the flight now. And I only can go for, like, a couple days. You know, I want to go for the whole week, pack the cat up and be out.

[Tammy]

Well, why you can't. Why you can't go?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm gonna do something. I'm gonna do something. I'm gonna do something. Because I do want to definitely be on a beach this weekend. So I'm gonna figure it out last minute, hop in the car or the plane and get out of here for a couple days.

[Tammy]

Yeah, do it. Go somewhere.

[AJ Holiday]

Figure it out. I am making me some fairy wings. Now, what I heard recently, okay. Because what I did do this weekend is buy some furniture, some new furniture. And one of my homegirls who picked the chairs up, I needed, she. She helped me with her truck as she was leaving. I told her I was making fairy wings. So I did arts and crafts this weekend, and she told me, did you know, like, the fairy shit is like, another word for prostitution? I'm disgusted with you niggas.

[Tammy]

What?

[AT&T Representative]

How the fuck would y' all pervert fairies?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

Is that true?

[AJ Holiday]

They're saying. I googled it. It's saying, like, fairy. If a woman says she's a fairy, that's like a cold word for selling pussy.

[Tammy]

Damn, not Tinkerbell been out here selling ass the whole time. And we need know.

[AJ Holiday]

I am so sick of man. Like, why do we pervert everything? Why we make everything positive and magical? Like, as negative as possible. Why does that happen? I was so disgusted.

[Tammy]

I ain't gonna lie. I need to eat lunch. Because when you said you, I thought you was making something to eat. I'm hungry than a. That sounds nice.

[AJ Holiday]

What's a fairy wing?

[Tammy]

How you season that?

[AJ Holiday]

Like little gold dust, like little gold sweet sour sauce, like some little gold flakes or something like that. Lemon pepper. Shame. Yeah. But I do much. This weekend, I did hot yoga and made some fairy wings. That's it.

[Tammy]

Get. This is.

[AJ Holiday]

So y' all. This is. This is so. For me. Okay? I don't know how y' all feel, but it says new. A new study. I don't Know how new it is. But it says new study shows women find men 60% more attractive if he can do manly tasks like mow the yard, fix a car and pick her up. And they use the imagery from Baby boy. You remember his mama with Vin Rhimes getting picked up in that kitchen? Yes, Lord. Okay. It's so funny to find out, you know. Did you ever see the video? I think she was on a Breakfast Club. I can't remember. I think she was a Breakfast Club aj. She said that she did like a threesome for her 50th birthday, but it was actually with two men. I mean, that's a threesome. Some people may consider it a train, but she said she had.

[Tammy]

Is it a only a threesome if they dicks touch, Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Why? Because they like buy at that point?

[Tammy]

No, because I thought threesome. Everybody's having sex with everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I thought so too. That's what I thought. But anyway.

[Tammy]

Over here. Unless it's peepee.

[AJ Holiday]

So it says studies show women find men up to 60 more attractive when they can do manly tasks like change the oil, chop wood, mow a lawn, carry her with ease, or drop and do push ups.

[Tammy]

It's not just man chopping some wood.

[AJ Holiday]

Me too. It's not just the muscles. It's the competence. Fixing things, lifting heavy, handling business without calling for help. And in a world of soft talkers and filters, being hands on is the new sexy. I've always been like, I like dirty, like, I like mechanics, I like truck drivers, I like niggas who could build me a house. Yeah, definitely niggas who chop wood. Those are my kind of guys.

[Tammy]

Is this nigga on Instagram, he got that curly hair, he brown skin and he'd be out there chopping wood.

[AJ Holiday]

Fine. Be eating that watermelon face in it. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, we like that. I like men, you know, that's cool.

[Tammy]

New study. That always been true, ain't it?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think we. But women don't end up with these type of guys though. You know what I'm saying? You either end up with somebody, you got to do all the things, or maybe he has the finances to pay for somebody to do the things. But I really, I like to do things right. Even if I have the money. Like I don't want to spend it on certain things that I can read a book and figure out or watch YouTube and figure it out. So be underneath the hood of the car and all the things. And I like men who do that, who do Those same type of things. Like, I like. I like problem solvers, I like troubleshooters. You know what I'm saying?

[Tammy]

I don't like. I'm not getting under no car. I'll change a tire if I have to. And there's no cars passing by. And I can't just put a leg out to the street. But that's the only way I just.

[AJ Holiday]

Feel accomplished when I do things, you know what I'm saying? I. I like taking apart and putting it back together. That's just what I like to do. So I like somebody who can compliment that type of activity.

[Tammy]

Energy. Yeah, yeah, I get that. I like.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. My. My ex girl mama was like, don't dump him yet. I need him to finish the towel in my kitchen. We did that. Towel in the kitchen.

[Tammy]

You broke up with him?

[AJ Holiday]

Not immediately. So if you're listening, you know that really we were just laughing, me and my mama. Your bestie was just laughing and joking and playing, right? But shortly thereafter, yes, bitch, I did. After our mama got her child.

[Tammy]

So Ken Brown had the exotic dancer that was a part of the Cassie and Diddy case. That black man came out with the book Freezer Meat. And he proceeds to ask him, was the pussy good? Like, let us know how to put what the was hitting for. And I thought that was so crass and just. But then at the same time, I was like, I might have wanted to know.

[AJ Holiday]

Nasty. No, I don't want to know if Cassie pussy is good.

[Tammy]

But I mean, I'm just thinking about how, like, I talk with my friends. They tell me they had, you know, fun over the weekend. I might want it to be like.

[AJ Holiday]

What that dick here for? You know, send me a video.

[Tammy]

Yeah, so I get why he might ask that, but she is also a victim. And it's very public. And it just seemed very inappropriate to ask that man that. And he didn't even answer the question. Basically he was like, I don't. I couldn't even tell you because I just wasn't in it. Like, I was very concerned with my sexuality being tested by Diddy the whole time.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, it's just about him saying it on, like a public platform. Because, I mean, of course we have these. These conversations and, you know, there's really no man that believes that Cassie is a victim. Unfortunately, I. A very small percentage. And they're probably from our gay community, regular heterosexual men feel like Cassie got what she deserved. Cassie was doing all the things because she wanted to do it. Cassie was a willing participant. A lot of Them don't see the abuse part. You know what I'm saying? They don't see the, the, the, the, the, the coaching, the grooming. They don't see it. They just, you know, she signed up for that shit. That's really how they feel. So that's why Cameron can get on a podcast and ask was the pussy good? That is so disgusting. He get on my goddamn nerve. Like what the happened to his hairline?

[Tammy]

He was like.

[AJ Holiday]

It just got so like he need to get a new barber. Yeah, that, that, that got pushed back. It was like a half moon. Like the moon right now, dog crescent.

[Tammy]

It was just inappropriate. It, it was a valid question that I feel like men ask each other all the time, but it just was. You got to read the room, you know, you got to read the room. And that just was not nice or nobody wanted to hear that regarding this situation.

[AJ Holiday]

I think, yeah, I could have lived without it because you sent me that post and all I said was ill.

[Tammy]

I said, yuck. When I got it, when I was sent to me, it just was like.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, you said that out loud. Grown ass fucking 50 year old nigga. Shut up. Anyway, yeah, you're too old to be.

[Tammy]

Just behaving that way.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, so. So Glorilla recently changed her profile picture to Michael Jackson after the nose job allegations.

[Tammy]

It ain't allegations. She said she did.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, she did. And it clearly looks like she got a nose job. I don't know how you feel about that. What do they call it? Rhinoplasty?

[Tammy]

I'm an advocate of do whatever makes you happy. I didn't. I liked her old nose, but it's about her liking her nose. So if she liked the new nose, you know, I'm here for it. I don't have no, but they, they eating her up because people are not happy with her nose. You know, people are not liking the nose. And then another girl, I can't remember who got theirs done, they was like, you got to let that nose sit a little while for it to heal and take Its the actual.

[AJ Holiday]

It says take like a year usually.

[Tammy]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Do you think Meg thee stallion and got her nose done? I don't know.

[Tammy]

Her nose does look different.

[AJ Holiday]

I think a lot of people, I mean, Beyonce clearly has a nose job. A lot of people. Most people, I believe probably got this type of work done. We know Cardi B got a nose job. Mary J. Blige got a nose job. Lil Kim got a million nose jobs. Like most people in the industry, they end up removing their daddy's noses. Like, this is my daddy nose.

[Tammy]

I like my nose. And it's wide and flat.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, my nose big as a motherfucker. This is my daddy, daddy nose all day long. And I'm a keep it.

[Tammy]

Yeah, this is my nigga nose, and I love it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you can put enough makeup on it. You could put, like, some contouring on it.

[Tammy]

If you want it to have a point, you can contour it, but I don't even care about that. These titties, I want to do something. That's why I got no judgment for nobody. If I go on a vacation doing that suction thing to my titties, you know what I'm talking about?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, they do the booty. Yeah, that's gonna look crazy.

[Tammy]

I'm gonna do it. It'll probably be bruised up the whole vacation. My whole titties bruised up.

[AJ Holiday]

And the last night of vacation, your titty is gonna be gone. Wait a minute.

[Tammy]

Suck on them again. Put your mouth right here real hard so they can swell up.

[AJ Holiday]

Leave them teddies alone. The that we be worrying about, like, men do not give a. They don't.

[Tammy]

So I know it right under my arm. Armpit. If I lay back.

[AJ Holiday]

I know we say it's for us, right? Half the things we do. Is it really, though?

[Tammy]

Yeah, it's for us. Because. Don't care. I told you. He'll suck. Lay back and he'll suck it behind your armpit.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. Good luck with her and her nose. Like, I. I mean, she's a pretty girl regardless. Like, Glorilla is really a pretty girl in person. She got, like, a little distinct, unique look, but she's a pretty girl.

[Tammy]

She looked like Principal Hightower to me. She looks like. I don't know her real name, but her. And they're both beautiful.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, that's her kid or something, right?

[Tammy]

Yeah, she could have very well been her daughter.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway, shout out to the new noses, Chad. Y' all have fun with that, y' all. So today we want to talk about clinical thinking. Not to be confused with critical thinking. Okay, so what's that, you ask? It's more of a way of thinking. It's more of a way of thinking that blends intuition, emotional intelligence, wisdom, and basically, like, lived experience. It's that fucking gut feeling, you know, that women have, right? It's clinical thinking that we're using. So it's like logic with a libido, basically, and boundaries.

[Tammy]

I can't wait to get into this shit.

[Curtis 50 Cent Jackson]

We'll be back if you're not watching BMF on Stars. You're seriously missing out from executive producer Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. The highly anticipated new season is coming in. Meech and Terry are leveling up. They're expanding their empire, launching a music label and making major moves in hip hop culture, even hitting the 1995 Source Awards. Oh, and did I mention Lamar is back. You already know that means trouble. The rest of the Flannery family is also feeling the pressure. Charles and Lucille are facing the consequences of Meech and Terry's actions, and Nicole is caught in the middle, dealing with her own growing pains. This season brings more drama, more heat and more star power. Get ready for guest stars like Kofi Cerebo, Skai Jackson, Tyler Lepley, Clifton Powell, Rockman Dunbar, Saweetie Miles Truitt and more. The cast is stacked and the storylines next level. BMF is where drama, hustle and hip hop collide and this season the stakes are higher than ever. Believe me, this is the season everyone's going to be talking about. Don't miss the explosive season premiere June 6 only on Starz and the Starz app.

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[AJ Holiday]

Like you dreamed it would and someone.

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Making another pot of coffee in the break room after drinking the last drop.

[AJ Holiday]

Of the last one. Yeah, don't get me started.

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[AJ Holiday]

The first two months of 2025 have.

[AT&T Representative]

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[Nissan Representative]

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[Rocket Mortgage Representative]

If you own a home. Here's an interesting fact for you today. American homeowners are sitting on a record amount of home equity. That's the part of your home you own outright. Rocket Mortgage can help you turn that home equity into cash. And that can help you fund a home renovation, pay for your kids college tuition, or pay off consolidated high interest debt. To learn more, just call 800 for Rocket or visit Rocket.com today. Rocket Mortgage LLC. Licensed in 50 states. Nmlsconsumeraccess.org Number 30 30.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y' all. So we're back and we're talking clinical thinking, right? So that's your vibes, gut feelings, like the feminine intuition that not everybody has. And a lot of times we don't even be following our, our shit, but it's a real thing. You know, you do some shit and be like, you know what, I knew I knew better. Or like you think something about somebody and you're like, man, I knew this nigga aim and shit. And you still, you, you ignored your critical thinking skills basically.

[Tammy]

So sometimes that clinical thinking can have you thinking wrong too.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think so. My clinical thinking be on point. It may not. It may not. Like at the very moment when you some shit happened, you think back and be like, I was right.

[Tammy]

I be fucking knowing sometimes my clitoris has led me astray.

[AJ Holiday]

He didn't do it.

[Tammy]

He's innocent. Because I love the so much he did that. He did that.

[AJ Holiday]

I think that's your heart you might have been thinking with. It wasn't the gut feeling.

[Tammy]

It wasn't the gut. It was my clitoris.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, maybe you need to tune yours out. Yours might not be off. I mean, yours might not be on.

[Tammy]

Completely love struck and lust struck by somebody that you kind of like don't pay attention to logic and reason.

[AJ Holiday]

Mm, yeah, but you thought it though, right? So your clinical thinking kicked in.

[Tammy]

But then I think my critical thinking kicked in. But my clinical thinking overpowered.

[AJ Holiday]

No, the clinical thinking ain't gonna never like, lead you wrong. That's what I'm saying. It's your heart and your mind that be fucking you up. The clinical Thinking is.

[Curtis 50 Cent Jackson]

Is.

[Tammy]

Is that innate out of the equation? I probably would have kept my good sense.

[AJ Holiday]

So what is a clinical thinker, one might ask, Right? So it's something in my spirit that says, this ain't right. And that's enough. That's all I really need. Right? Boundaries are just not up for debate. I don't need no more information. I need. I know exactly what's happening, and I picked up on it before you even put it down. Like, that's essentially what critical thinking is. So it kind of can be compared to like girl math a little bit. Right? So the things that make sense to women, that don't make sense to men. Because I don't think that men think as deep as women do on most subjects. Relationships, life. Like, they claim to be super simple.

[Tammy]

You just think these niggas is really fucking dumb, ain't it?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, this past weekend, I kind of said that shit to somebody a little bit. A little TT because they hard on these niggas. That is. I am not hard on men. Not at all. I don't. And really, I think collectively we may not be hard enough. They think we be being hard, but we really aren't. I'm not hard on men. I love men. I love black men in particular.

[Tammy]

A poll, A.J. hard on these.

[AJ Holiday]

And y' all say and you soft on. I might sound like I'm hard on them on this podcast, but in real life, bitch, who hard on a.

[Tammy]

Me, okay. In real life, yeah, I'd be. I'd be hard on. Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm just talking about it.

[Tammy]

You give a more chances than I do. For sure.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm saying. So, like, I'm talking about it, right? Because the more women talk about things, that means we are still trying. Is when you fucking stop talking about shit. Is when need to be worried. I don't care about y' all niggas no more, so. And I am. I open. I open the door for anybody to talk, say about whatever they want. Say whatever they want about black women. You know, if we have, there's plenty platforms for that. Okay, Adam. I'm not hard on men anyway. I do think a lot. A lot of them are stupid. And they think that, huh?

[Tammy]

I don't think these are stupid. I just think. And I think they do think as deep as us. I don't think. I just. When I say I'm harder than you, I don't know. I just don't be going for it. I don't. I don't. That's I guess why I had no nigga since 2016. I ain't going for it.

[AJ Holiday]

When I say men are stupid, okay, When a man says he's simple, what is he actually saying? Because I know that men are very, very, very, like, complex. Nothing simple about them.

[Tammy]

When I hear them say they simple, I don't think simple minded. I think like, they just want hot food and warm coochie and peace.

[AJ Holiday]

So one thing I listed is I'm simple. I don't like drama. Right. That, that's basically like the key words they're actually missing there is that I want to do what the fuck I want to do, and I want you to shut the fuck up. Okay? When they don't like drama, that's them not taking accountability. They don't want you. They don't want to have to get into the in depth conversation about something they could have possibly done. Or maybe you want something, you want change in the relationship. They don't want to talk about it. They want to be dismissive of your feelings. And they like to brush us off like, oh, you're so emotional. It's not like men are emotional too. Cause we always say motherfuckers die when men get emotional. So they just, to me, it's just lacking accountability and they can just scapegoat. I don't want to talk about it. You just full of drama. Why you always complainin' why you being petty? Because they don't want to take accountability for what it is that you have a problem with.

[Tammy]

Yeah, that's one reason why someone would say that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because half the time we're just asking for clarity. So maybe you're not thinking deep enough. Right? This is actually stemming from a conversation I had with a grown man over the weekend. I'm like, man, I ain't calling you no more. I'm cool. As one of my friends, I'm like, I ain't talking to you no more. Because he basically told me that I'm never going to get a nigga to do all the things I want to do because I got masculine, masculine energy. He threw that on me. You know, the, the talking points from all the red pill on these podcasts. I'm a very. That's why when you say I'm hot on hard on men, that is just not true. Like, I guess I expect what I bring. Right? So like, and, and bring masculine energy how? Because I feel like to be a well rounded.

[Tammy]

What you bring, you should expect from a man something different than what you're bringing. You should Be bringing your feminine softness.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like you got to bring both. I feel like men should be soft sometimes, too. Masculinity is not just because this. This friend of mine, to him, masculinity is like cussing his family out. That is not like. That's. Yeah, men are respectful. That's not masculinity. Like, men have control, right? That, to me, is masculinity being in control of your emotions, maybe being a little bit more stoic and not like cussing everybody out, like wanting to fight and shit like that. Like that. That's. To me, that's not masculinity. Masculinity is more assertive, is more calculated. But really, those, when you think about it, are those not feminine traits? I think women, we think more critically, right? Clinically, I believe.

[Tammy]

I feel like we haven't been allowed to be our greatest feminine selves as black women. We don't just get to, like, exist, be soft and be just cared for and docile. I don't ever. I don't ever remember the women in my life being able to just live in that type of energy and be just cared for. They always taking care of business, always handling everything, always responsible for everybody, even the men.

[AJ Holiday]

And I think so now I'm more so in a mindset is that I am now forcing you. I'm forcing whoever I deal with to be the man I'm no longer.

[Tammy]

But you can't force nobody.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm. That's what I'm saying. So right now I'm just the. Is just me existing, right?

[Tammy]

So I'm.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I don't want to have to force somebody to be what it is that whatever it is a man is and whatever masculinity actually looks like. This is really not for women to define, you know what I'm saying? So. So men have to define it. But I know it doesn't look like cussing your kids and wife out. That's not what the fuck masculinity looks like. And you definitely can't talk to me. Fucking crazy. So I don't know. But.

[Tammy]

But what are the kids and wife doing?

[AJ Holiday]

I think his shit came out of frustration because he does everything for his family.

[Tammy]

Okay, well, then that's fair.

[AJ Holiday]

That's not fair. No, you just. Because you are the provider. So you mean to tell me, if you were to actually lock in a nigga who's like, full provider and all your needs, he then gets to cuss you out when he gets frustrated.

[Tammy]

If I deserve it, what could you.

[AJ Holiday]

Do to possibly deserve that.

[Tammy]

Maybe I'm he doing everything and I'm just being so ungrateful. And the kids don't listen, and I'm just being a. Maybe I deserve to shut the up, Tammy. Yes, yes, yes, daddy.

[AJ Holiday]

See you toxic.

[Tammy]

How's that? You don't believe that sometimes people deserve. They need to get cussed out.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't never need anybody to tell me to shut the up. Sometimes you do. Who the you talking to?

[Tammy]

Sometimes you need to shut the up, though.

[AJ Holiday]

No, never.

[Tammy]

You don't never need to shut the up?

[AJ Holiday]

Nope.

[Tammy]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

When I need to shut the up, I don't be talking. And see, that's just when you be confused when I'm talking, that's when you think.

[Tammy]

But sometimes other people, especially a partner, might feel like, hey, you need to shut the fuck up.

[AJ Holiday]

That's not what I've heard, though, in my relationships. What I've heard in my relationships is that I be building RICO charges against niggas. Like, I just let all these things add up and then I finally say something about it. Right now it's a fucking problem that. Why didn't you say this, that before? Like, if I had said something, every single infraction, then I'd be nagging. So what is it that you really want?

[Tammy]

Yeah, but don't nobody want no rico. God damn, that was last December, Bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Nigga said I be building a RICO charge. Like, it's not a RICO Cases that I don't nag about every infraction. You know what I'm saying? And then especially, like, when you cohabitating with somebody, you have to be cognizant and conscious that it's not just you. Right? So you gotta make that other person comfortable. And you expect the same thing because y' all have to be in one place forever together. So, no, I'm not nagging by every little fucking thing. Right. But if one need to lead to the next and then to the next, to the next and next, now I'm about to. Yeah, the RICO is fucking pending.

[Tammy]

I don't know if that's a good practice.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know what to do then.

[Tammy]

The only time I think that's a good practice is when you stacking them up to leave. Otherwise, you should address everything as it happens. If it's. If it bothers you. Yeah, you're stacking them up to say, hey, this is why I'm leaving. Then don't. Don't pull that.

[AJ Holiday]

I've definitely done that too. I write a journal on have a whole journal letter written like, hey, this is exactly why we're no longer. I have definitely done that.

[Tammy]

Because one thing I don't like is if, let's say I have an issue with my man and I bring him the issue and then instead of him addressing that issue, he goes to tell me something from last May that made him mad. It's like, why didn't you tell me when it made you mad? Why are you trying to deflect from what I counter?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, your thing today.

[Tammy]

Yeah, don't do that now because you're just trying to, like, minimize what I'm saying by something that you were upset about it in May and I could have corrected that in May had you said something. But now I'm just pissed off.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

And nobody hearing. Nobody at this point.

[Curtis 50 Cent Jackson]

If you're not watching BMF on Stars, you're seriously missing out from executive producer Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. The highly anticipated new season is coming and Meech and Terry are leveling up. They're expanding their empire, launching a music label and making major moves in hip hop culture, even hitting the 1995 Source Awards. Oh, and did I mention Lamar is back. You already know that means trouble. The rest of the Flannery family is also feeling the pressure. Charles and Lucille are facing the consequences of Meech and Terry's actions, and Nicole is caught in the middle, dealing with her own growing pains. This season brings more drama, more heat, and more star power. Get ready for guest stars like Kofi Cerebo, Skai Jackson, Tyler Lepley, Clifton Powell, Rockman Dunbar, Saweetie, Miles Truitt and more. The cast is stacked and the storyline's next level. BMF is where drama, hustle and hip hop collide, and this season, the stakes are higher than ever. Believe me, this is the season everyone's going to be talking about. Don't miss the explosive season premiere June 6th. Only on Starz and the Starz app.

[AT&T Representative]

The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me Right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized lighting.

[AJ Holiday]

Option, you can set the mood any.

[AT&T Representative]

Way you want, be it romantic, chill or straight up on do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.

[Nissan Representative]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Rocket Mortgage Representative]

If you own a home, here's an interesting fact for you today. American homeowners are sitting on a record amount of home equity. That's the part of your home you own outright. Rocket Mortgage can help you turn that home equity into cash. And that can help you fund a home renovation, pay for your kid's college tuition, or pay off consolidated high interest debt. To learn more, just call 804Rocket or visit Rocket.com today. Rocket Mortgage LLC. Licensed in 50 states. Nmlsconsumeraccess.org Number 3030 support for eating while.

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[AJ Holiday]

So. So back to men saying that they're simple. Another example of that is I'm simple. I don't need much. My needs are basic. And that translates to feed me me. Yeah, that's let me chill and don't ask me any questions. Right? But what's really underneath? Okay, so, you know, it may seem low maintenance on the surface, but it may also mean that they're just really suppressing like, their emotions. And men often say how they have nobody to talk to. Right? They don't talk to their friends. They don't talk to their woman. Like, they don't tell people what they're actually experiencing on the inside. And some may think that's masculinity, right? Just. Just dealing and not actually speaking up and saying when something's bothering you, when you're having a problem.

[Tammy]

But I think that's not even black. A man thing. I think that's a black thing. We are definitely, like. We just deal happening. We just keep going, just keep pushing. That's it. Don't talk to nobody. Just.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't. Okay. So, like, the clinical counter. The clinical thinking counter to that is it doesn't mean you have to be, like, emotionally unavailable. Do you actually know what you need? Are you used to not even being asked what the fuck you need? Because men ask what you bring into the table, but what do you need on the table? Do you know what you need as a man? Do you know what you need out your partner? If you ask a man that, half the time they don't fucking know.

[Tammy]

They don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

They don't know what they want to eat. And they keep putting it on us as if we don't know what we want to eat. Imagine if your nigga say what you want to eat? And you like, I don't care. Just whatever in the first place, he says, you, like, yeah, that would kill that whole argument, right? It's really because they don't know what they want to eat. So they. Yeah, so they put it on us. That's a small example of how the responsibility. We so responsible for everybody.

[Tammy]

But here's the thing, because I've had that happen, he'll be like, what you want to eat? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't care. And he picks something. I'm like, I don't want that.

[AJ Holiday]

Or you pick something and he get there with the menu. And, like, I don't see nothing on here. I want you. You. You had an opportunity to choose. So that could go both ways. Why is the onus always on a woman? Why I got to be concerned about your stomach and mine? What do you want?

[Tammy]

Like, that's the woman's job to be like, the.

[AJ Holiday]

The nourishment.

[Tammy]

Yeah. The nutritionist for the family.

[AJ Holiday]

Not in the dating, I guess, right? When you.

[Tammy]

If I see a whole fat family, it's the mama fault. Don't kill me. Y' all don't kill me.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm sorry. I agree. I agree. Because I remember when one of my sisters and she extra fine right now, child, but you know, she be letting her family still eat bullshit while she's dieting. That is not okay. I need you to make sure that they're eating whole foods as well. Like you know what I'm saying? You want to be the only one alive because that's what I'm seeing, right? You know what I'm saying? My nephew be in noodles. This got 800 milligrams of sodium in it.

[Tammy]

Them shits is so high, they're not even.

[AJ Holiday]

It's not even real food.

[Tammy]

I listen. If it was the apocalypse and that was all that was left to eat, I would just go ahead and die. I cannot stand a fucking pack of noodles because I ate so much of that shit between middle school and high school. I ate it every way you could think of it. Put an egg in it, put some sausage. I even ate noodles dry before, like potato chips.

[AJ Holiday]

That's a real struggle meal. That's really disgusting.

[Tammy]

It's gross. I'll never eat another noodle. A heck of noodles. Forget about it.

[AJ Holiday]

I did used to like those little cup noodles with the peas and stuff in there. You didn't like those?

[Tammy]

Not even peas, that is 3D printed peas. What kind of people's day. Oh, dried ass, 3D printed peas with that.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y' all. So we're gonna go through like clinical thinking versus critical thinking so you can get better understand where it is I'm coming from. Right? So let's break this down real quick because like traditional critical thinking is like spreadsheets and data analytics and shit like that. And again, like critical thinking is based off of lived experience, like your intuition. So critical thinking is like logical, objective, rational. Right, Analytical, like step by step detached from emotion. Typically masculine coded clinical thinking is intuitive, emotionally intelligent. Okay, So I think that most of the. Most of the people who claim to be emotional, intelligent or have emotional intelligence are probably women, right? Because we do tap into our emotions a little bit more. We do anticipate others, the needs of others over hours a lot of times. You know, I'm saying we know what you need before you even know what you need. That's what emotional intelligence is. And you know, I don't think men are even programmed to think in that way. But we want them to have all of this emotional intelligence. We think that's what we want from them. I don't know. Critical thinking is also like informed by patterns. Just people's vibes, past experiences rooted in self trust and boundary setting. So for example, say, for instance, your ex like, calls you like one o' clock in the morning. In the morning, right? You chilling, drinking wine, listening to music. Critical thinking. I have you thinking, like, I wonder what he wants, right? I wonder if it's. If it's an emergency. Critical thinker would be like, man, fuck him. I'm not answering the phone. You just block him mid phone call and keep drinking your wine and listening to music. That's political thinking. I don't need to know what this nigga needs. I don't care, okay? I'mma just block his ass because I already know what that involves. I already know what he coming for. So why even engage?

[Tammy]

Girl, I listen. That's so crazy because I One of my old thing things.

[AJ Holiday]

Hot shits, what they call them? Fine shits.

[Tammy]

He wasn't. It just shits. One of my old shits.

[AJ Holiday]

One of my old shits.

[Tammy]

Go message me. Dm. Oh no. On Facebook messenger. Please unblock me.

[Curtis 50 Cent Jackson]

Why?

[Tammy]

I just need to talk to you. Please unblock me. So I unblocked this and he called me and he gonna say some about do my other ex that he know about still sell weed.

[AJ Holiday]

I was like, so he calling you for plug talk.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Not you to connect.

[Tammy]

I hung up so fast.

[AJ Holiday]

Not you. A relationship manager.

[Tammy]

And reblock that just as quick. Like, hey, you should be the feds.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, what, you trying to set my other nigga up?

[Tammy]

I don't know what you talking about. One shit to from another shit. I ain't got nothing to do with that. Put two shits together. No.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, like. And oftentimes they don't want nothing, right?

[Tammy]

They don't want nothing. Leave me alone. I don't know. I don't do drugs. Leave me alone.

[AJ Holiday]

Here's another example. So you've gone on like three amazing dates, but your gut is uneasy, right? So they're attractive, they're like successful, consistent. And maybe I should keep seeing him. But your critical thinking is he gives like love bombing, right? Disappear. He might disappear later. Like your nervous system is on edge. Fucking with this person. You just know something's off with him. He might have even did. He probably didn't even do anything just yet. But you just know that is your clinical thinking skills kicking in, which could probably save your fucking life. Because many relationships I've. Most relationships I've been in, I probably should have left day one. It was some shit that happened that I just. Let me get the fuck up out of here. Abort mission. And I stayed for a couple years.

[Tammy]

But here's the thing. Nobody's gonna be perfect, though. So it's okay to, like, ignore something minor.

[AJ Holiday]

Is it though? Because if we look at the data of these relationships, is it good to ignore? I mean, if it's.

[Tammy]

I don't want to say fractions. Like, you don't like how you chew. You know, shit like that. You can get past that, right? Or you can groom that into something else. But if you see that is the problem.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all bitches thinking y' all could change people at this big age. People do change. I don't agree.

[Tammy]

People mask like, you the same person you was when we started this show. No, you've grown.

[AT&T Representative]

Listen.

[AJ Holiday]

But so growing and changing, are those the same thing? Is that the same thing? Yes, because I really. I've been literally the same person. And even like. No, let me. Let me not lie, because I'd be reading some, like, some of my old Facebook shit and Twitter shit. I had to delete that stuff. Like, what the. The was I talking about? You're dumb.

[Tammy]

What.

[AJ Holiday]

What were you talking about?

[Tammy]

We forgot to say we're changing and growing every day. So just. Even the. I just went and listened to, like, our first episode. I'm like superhero by night or some. I was saying, what did you talk about?

[AJ Holiday]

And you being dumbass. So, yeah.

[Tammy]

So people do change. People do grow. People and men too. Especially when they start. They dig, stop working as good. They really start changing in interesting. They have daughters. They start changing when they have little girls. Stuff like that would change a man. But don't nothing them. Change them worse than they did. Stop it.

[AJ Holiday]

Hey, humble them a little bit.

[Tammy]

Yeah, that dick strength changer or the desire.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't even know if that's true because I feel like they still be wanting to put that gummy worm on a. Like, just. Still just getting a new to show her. The gummy worm is still exciting to them. They don't care about being embarrassed.

[Tammy]

They'll be tired.

[AJ Holiday]

That wet rag. They just want to stuff it in as many as possible. All right, so, like, a friend keeps subtly throwing shade. Critical thinking. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. Let me watch a few more interactions to confirm clinical thinking. That comment hit sideways. She's not for me. Distance activated. You know what time it is? Like, don't trick yourself into thinking somebody ain't doing what they doing. I have been around people where somebody says some sideways shit. I'm gonna address it right then and there because I. I have lit things like sliding and I get home, like, saying I shoulda, woulda, coulda. And I'd be disappointed with myself. Like, damn, I should have. I should have cussed that out. I should have.

[Tammy]

From 2000. It was 2012 that I still think about cussing her ass out. And I let some she said slide. And I used to regret it, right? I still, like, I be laying in bed like, I should have. Oh, if I see that bitch to this day.

[AJ Holiday]

Look, I have a first cousin that I don't fuck with on any level in my mind, right? Because of it might have been around, like, it might have been earlier than 2012. Did I ever tell y' all this story? So my cousin asked me to be in her wedding.

[Tammy]

Oh, yeah, you just shared.

[AJ Holiday]

No, hold on. She didn't ask me to be in her wedding. She asked me to be the usher. Yeah, okay. This is my first cousin. So imagine you living in Atlanta and a bitch calling you, asking you to come to South Carolina to come to her wedding but be an usher, right? So when I thought about it, I'm like, I don't think I want to do that. I talked to my mom about it. She was like, girl, you don't be no Usher. So I called her back. I said, hey, you know what? I think I prefer just, like, attending the wedding, right? Girl, why? I got to the. She had a bridal shower, and I guess her maid of honor, her bestie, was like, the spokesperson for the shit they had spoke about me. And she was introducing each of us. She introduced my sister Sam first. She's like, yes, my cousin Sam. This is my cousin introducing us to her maid of honor. And this is my cousin Sam. And this is Ashley. And the homegirl, these AKA too. The homegirl was like, oh, she's not in the wedding. She's not a bridesmaid usher or anything. And my voice literally was gone, y' all. I have, like, laryngitis or something. Like, I had no voice. So imagine me, I would sound like this, trying to curse a out. But this is how my cousin let some random play with me. She. My cousin barely know my life. And I'm still holding to this day, I still want to have that conversation with her because I'm trying to figure out why the y' all thought y' all could play with me just because I didn't want to serve food to my family at this big, immaculate wedding. Like, why would you try to, like, downgrade me to a server? Am I tripping, y' all?

[Tammy]

Yeah, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

So my best friend at the time, she was dating my first Cousins. So she's dating my cousin. She ended up doing it with. She ended up doing it instead. They were black and white like a fucking waitress. And she had people from the church doing it. Why did you need me to do that?

[Tammy]

So you were the only family member that was gonna be an usher?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, yes. My other cousins was bridemaids. Why? I don't want to. And I live. I live out of town. We barely speak. Like your mind told you to call me to do that. And it's not like I like.

[Tammy]

Maybe she like your cooking and wanted you to help with the food.

[AJ Holiday]

Imagine, like one of these Instagram weddings. That's how her reception looked. I mean, big, long rolls of food, like all this food, like these ushers. That. The thing that she wanted me to do, what my best friend was doing, was serving food to our family with a black and white outfit on. Why would you have your first cousin doing that?

[Tammy]

So I get that. In the event that no family was working, then I get why I was like, why you only asked me. And you got people outside of the family doing everything. But I'm the only family member.

[AJ Holiday]

The venue came with people. It came with staff.

[Tammy]

If it was just like, I need my family to help assist to make this day beautiful, then I would not mind a mind doing that. I wouldn't mind being an usher because it's not about me. It's about her. Her beautiful day. And this is my cousin. I want her to have a beautiful day. So I will. I'll help. Because when it's my turn, I'm gonna need everybody in the same.

[AJ Holiday]

I would never call my first cousin and ask her to serve food at my wedding. I would never do.

[Tammy]

Do that to her if it was.

[AJ Holiday]

That's degrading. That's how I felt. That was highly degrading. Like, I'm your first cousin. Like, why would you want me serving food to our family?

[Tammy]

Families. Families do that, though. Families.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. This ain't been no bullshit wedding, though. See, you not thinking on the scale. I said one of these Instagram fucking weddings. The shit was immaculate. Why? And I bought the fucking most beautiful dress to wear to her wedding. Because that's.

[Tammy]

Because it wasn't like that. It wasn't like a situation where the whole family was, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Pitching it and helping. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't nothing like that. My homegirl was pissed the whole time because she didn't know what all it would entail either. When she accepted the position as an usher. Yeah. And she was Serving us food. That's. That's up. To have your brother's girlfriend, who should be his date at your wedding, doing that. But because they used to have a problem with her because they. My uncle, their dad never really fucked him. I mean, from a little girl. He would say shit like, to me, oh, haircuts, Miss Glamour Queen. Like, still to this day, that's how you treat me. So I feel like that kind of rubbed off on like, his kids and how they see me. Well, maybe not my. My boy cousins, but it's something there. So. Yeah, I still have like. Yeah, some Anna. I have some Anna. About that.

[Tammy]

Have you seen this cousin?

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. But I just feel like now I can't address it because then it would be petty. But it bothers me.

[Tammy]

I've been married 17 years and divorced.

[AJ Holiday]

They're still married. So I like, I just gotta let it go. But I'm telling y' all because, like, who the fuck else I'mma tell if she happened to listen to the fucking.

[Tammy]

Show, then she come to you about it, right?

[AJ Holiday]

And then we'll talk about it at that time. And you know what the worst thing about it is? People do things and then when you address it, they'd be like, I don't even remember that. Yeah, because you weren't on the receiving end of the.

[Tammy]

Yeah, but sometimes people don't even know that they're offending you. So that's why it's important to address it. Like, I didn't. I don't remember it because I didn't know it was a thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, she's not a bridesmaid Usher or anything. Why you ain't ask my sister that.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

It was introduced right before me.

[Tammy]

They had a conversation about you.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I fucking know. And this is what clinical thinking is, right? It's just you knowing the bullshit and can't nobody tell you any different, bitch, because this is. It's a gut feeling. It is an inner knowing that cannot be fucking debated. I'm not tripping. Y' all bitches tried me. Y' all really tried it. So I was never able to address it. So I still. I. That shit might have been 2009, bitch. I ain't gonna lie. I much gonna lie. It might have been like 2009. I still feel some type of way about that shit, cuz why did I deserve that? That's what bothers me when people do things.

[Tammy]

What the fuck you think you are, you fly ass bitch? Coming up in here, think you gonna upstage the bride? You Ain't gonna do that this time, bitch. Serve out that chicken hoe. That's what you gonna do.

[AJ Holiday]

And here's the thing, here's my personality. When I tell y' all, when I get married, y' all motherfuckers better show up like this y' wedding all, that's how I feel. That's how confident I am about myself. I know that's where that bullshit came from, right? Them not wanting me to show up in all my motherfucking glory. But for my wedding. Bitch, if you were to wedding party, if you just a wedding guest, when I tell y' all, y' all better act like this. Y' all shit for birthdays, I want everybody to be extra fucking fine. I never like one of those people who don't want their friends to outdress them on a fucking birthday. That is weirdo behavior.

[Tammy]

I don't care about my birthday. But at my wedding, please don't come in a white dress.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't care.

[Tammy]

Don't come in a white wedding.

[AJ Holiday]

Bitch, your whole ass ain't should have on a white dress anyway.

[Tammy]

I am. You bet my wear one bitch. Pull it up in my bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

I might wear a black dress in my wedding.

[Tammy]

My wedding. I'mma be like, do you hate me?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. But it's never going to look like a wedding gown though. You know what I'm saying? So even if somebody were to have on a white dress, it's never going to look like a wedding gown.

[Tammy]

Tacky ass coming in a white dress to a wedding girl.

[AJ Holiday]

I'll be, I'll be like all white wedding.

[Tammy]

Why are you here? Are you trying to give your man a message to propose to you?

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe. And it listen, it's all open over here. Yes, do that. And if you feel beautiful today, I want everybody to feel good.

[Tammy]

But I don't want you to be tacky. Don't be tacky.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think that's tacky.

[Tammy]

Don't be attacking. I invited you because I didn't think you were one. And here you come being one.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Tammy]

You can listen.

[AJ Holiday]

Wear anything.

[Tammy]

Wear tie dye to this. Don't come in white.

[AJ Holiday]

Like a black tie event. No white even black tie. No white.

[Tammy]

No, no white dress. You can have a dress with white in it. The wrong with you.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I want everybody to look that.

[Tammy]

Feel good escorting me out of the window.

[AJ Holiday]

Uninvited. And after she showed up, right.

[Tammy]

The bride will call you later. That's what they gonna tell you as you leave out the door. I done waited all these years to get married. You coming to my.

[AJ Holiday]

In a white dress.

[Tammy]

You got me up.

[AJ Holiday]

But there's no way for her to look like you, though, on that day. That's why I'm confused.

[Tammy]

No, and you damn right you won't, because you won't be in this.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all hear that? You've been warned.

[Tammy]

Yes, in advance. But I think all my friends know that. They got sense enough to know not to come to a wedding and a white dress unless it's all white. Wedding, where some people have that, where everybody comes in white, which I don't like that either. Yeah, but. Yeah, don't do that.

[AJ Holiday]

Look at your little ponytails up in the Riverside picture. You see it? All right, so y' all, critical thinking doesn't mean ignore logic at all, right? So it just adds, like, an extra layer of protection. Okay? Emotional wisdom, pattern recognition based on just the fucking truth. Right? It's just, you know, that's intelligence, too. So don't let anybody tell you that you making shit up that is just feelings or that you overreacting. Bitch, you know what? You know, and that's clinical thinking. So it's not overanalyzing everything. It's not ignoring facts or feelings or facts for feelings, I should say. Or it's just not like just being petty or sassy. It's just recognizing the patterns again, knowing your fucking gut and trusting that inner feeling. That's it. That is what critical thinking is. Hats coming soon. All right, so you know what I do want people to do? I want y' all to send me. Send me some. Send us some messages with, like, your best. He said he was simple, but stories. That's what I want to see. Like, what did a man tell you? Like, he said, I'm simple, but such and such. And how did he actually act? Right? All men say that they're simple and they have these minimal needs. I want to hear the stories.

[Tammy]

Yeah, let's hear it. Hear that.

[AJ Holiday]

Because them ain't simple. Anyway. You good, Tammy.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I love y' all girls.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y' all, if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect I Heart radio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This show, co host, AJ Holiday on Instagrams, y' all. Follow, subscribe, share, share, share the podcast with your besties. Leave a review if you feeling froggy. I wish I could comment back on reviews, but it's all welcome. Thank you.

[Tammy]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

We want. We want the listens. We want the spins. Okay.

[Tammy]

Yeah. All right, y' all. It's official. T. Bam, I love y' all so much.

[AJ Holiday]

Remember, speak now and never hold your peace, okay? Never, never hold your gut feelings, your clit notes.

[Tammy]

Deuces.

[Curtis 50 Cent Jackson]

If you're not watching BMF on Stars, you're seriously missing out from executive producer Curtis 50 Cent Jackson. The new season is coming and Meech and Terry are leveling up. They're expanding their empire, launching a music label and even hitting the 1995 Source Awards. Oh, and did I mention Lamar is back. BMF is where drama, hustle and hip hop collide. The drama top tier, the stakes higher than ever. This is the season everyone's going to be talking about. Don't miss the season premiere June 6th. Only on Starz and the Starz app.

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[AJ Holiday]

Summer on the south side of Chicago is heating up. You planning revenge, Aren't you? The chi is back. May 16th on Paramount. It's the season of the women. Women, this is our chance. It's time to get to work. But the men aren't giving up without a fight. Trees are always gonna have a villain. No one is backing down in the Showtime original series from Emmy award winner Lena Waithe. Why do Black women always have to save the day?

[Tammy]

If we don't do it, who else will?

[AJ Holiday]

The shy new season streaming May 16th on the Paramount with Showtime plan. This is an Iheart podcast.