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Nissan Advertiser
Meetings, deadlines, emails, millions of notifications. Don't you wish you could escape the chaos? Fortunately, that's where the all new Nissan Murano comes in. With available features like the relaxing, massaging seats to ease stress and the beautiful skyline views that bring in natural light. It's like cruising in your own personal Oasis. And if you need to set a vibe, 64 colors of personalized lighting and a Bose premium sound system have you covered. Hands down, the all new Nissan Murano is your stress free getaway. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.
Tam Bam
Panoramic moonroof, ambient light, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.
John Cameron Mitchell
This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like bad touch football, anti racism spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.
A.J. Holiday
Karen, where have you brought us?
John Cameron Mitchell
Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or where you get your podcasts.
Kevin Smith
Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.
Tam Bam
And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.
Kevin Smith
That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless dless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.
A.J. Holiday
It's a work in progress.
Kevin Smith
Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or where you get your podcasts.
Harley Quinn Smith
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?
John Cameron Mitchell
Ow.
A.J. Holiday
Go slower.
Harley Quinn Smith
From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to Find a missing person, sleep with everyone he knew. Obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to to your favorite shows.
A.J. Holiday
Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.
Tam Bam
We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.
A.J. Holiday
What's up, y'all? It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bamboo?
Tam Bam
Hey, girl. Hey, y'all. I love y'all.
A.J. Holiday
We back, child. How was your weekend?
Tam Bam
How was my weekend? Damn. I don't even remember the weekend. It was just. I didn't do. I think I went to work and laid around and that's it.
A.J. Holiday
Sounds about right.
Tam Bam
What'd you do?
A.J. Holiday
Reneg on everybody all weekend? Even up until yesterday, it was cold. I know. Like, why y'all want to be outside? I'm confused.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I ain't with that. I don't like that cold.
A.J. Holiday
I'm really a summer baby. I gotta be in the house.
Tam Bam
Me too. I like to be bundled up watching a good TV show, but I could not get into anything. It's because of my phone. I tried to watch a show called Severance on Apple TV that I heard was good.
A.J. Holiday
I seen the preview for that, and.
Tam Bam
I just could not unplug from my phone to tune into the tv. I think I started the episodes over and over and over and over and over again. So then I just stopped. And then I re watched Harlem, so. Because that's about to come on.
A.J. Holiday
You know, it's weird that you say that, because I. They must be doing something with the social media this week. For real or these last couple days, because I have really spent an excessive amount of time scrolling these last couple days. For sure.
Tam Bam
Absolutely. I. Me too. I just was. I could never tune into the tv. I could not put my phone down. And that's crazy. I mean, well, Tick Tock was only gone for 12 hours, so it wasn't like we lost a lot of that. Oh, I went to my friend's birthday party this weekend. I'm lying. I went to the 80s party. It was so fun. Like, she curated this party. So nice. Like, she had valet when you pull.
A.J. Holiday
Up at the house.
Tam Bam
Yeah, she got a big ass house.
A.J. Holiday
Oh, okay.
Tam Bam
Yeah. So she had valet downstairs. Homegirl got like a jumbotron on the ceiling. I mean, you know how a person will have that t. A wall with TVs. They make one TV screen. Had that down there, the DJ. It was just a really nice. Everybody was Dressed up. Yeah. Everybody was dressed like 80 dope, 80s dope dealers. Honestly, that's how I felt. Like, everybody looked. Dookie ropes, the. The bucket hats, you know, it was nice. It was a good time.
A.J. Holiday
Well, that's one thing I skipped out on on Saturday was the 70s. I mean, Sunday was a 70s party.
Tam Bam
Yeah, that would have been fun, too. You couldn't go.
A.J. Holiday
Nope.
Tam Bam
Yeah, it's one of them parties with one of them friends. Like, if you don't show up, they gonna be looking at you like crazy. Crazy like how you didn't come, you know? So I definitely made sure my face was in the building. And then I hung out with Jamaican Raquel. Shout out to Jamaican Raquel. The get shots. They could take some shots.
A.J. Holiday
Do you think it's because Jamaica work out so hard? She definitely used to be the, like, drink, drink, drink. And I never seen her drunk.
Tam Bam
She's still. That. She's still. I can't hang.
A.J. Holiday
What type of body? Like, what you got going on Sunday.
Tam Bam
I had to get up and do, like, some hair and makeup. And I was hurting. Yeah. So that was my weekend. That's it.
A.J. Holiday
Well, I didn't go out this past weekend. But I'm tell y'all what I did do last week, though, which, while I was in the middle of doing it, I was like, damn, we should do a photo shoot doing this.
Tam Bam
What?
A.J. Holiday
Getting a mammogram. I got my first.
Tam Bam
Not a photo shoot without titties.
A.J. Holiday
Just for awareness, you know? Be playing with their health. Chad, definitely smash the up, because, you know, these last couple years is, like, a lot of people, and I wasn't afraid. One of my homegirls was like, you wasn't nervous going to your appointment? I'm like, no, because I know I'm healthy, right. I'm always like, put that in the universe. Even when I feel some type of way, I am healthy.
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
But, yeah, I let them smash my titties up. Everything look okay. And nobody, no doctor has reviewed my yet. I reviewed it myself. Like, I could. They. They send you? Girl, ain't nothing on there. You know what I'm saying? So I guess I'm good. Ain't no radiologist reviewed it still today. Like, that appointment was last week, Tuesday.
Tam Bam
And there's nothing in your chart.
A.J. Holiday
Nothing. Except for the. You know, the.
Tam Bam
Well, no news is good news when it comes to health.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. So these titties good.
Tam Bam
Chad, let me see him.
A.J. Holiday
And, you know, the thing is, I was having, like, little sharp pains in both of them, though. Like, just randomly Occasionally. So a little piece in the back of my head, like.
Tam Bam
But that's not how it works. It's not gonna be in both titties. I ain't never heard nobody having.
A.J. Holiday
Girl, I don't know. People have had double. What are you calling them?
Tam Bam
A second mastectomies?
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, people have had double. So.
Tam Bam
Yeah. But that is it because it was in both breasts or because the potential was there for both breasts, so they just cut them both off? I don't know. Maybe if you've had one, you know, slide in our DMS and tell us how.
John Cameron Mitchell
I believe.
A.J. Holiday
Because both breast may have been a cancer. Yeah. May have had like some type of mass in them that was cancerous. Cuz ain't no way. Like, okay, just cut the one titty off. So I only have to get one implant. Ain't no way. You just cut my other titty off just to match me up.
Tam Bam
Might as well.
A.J. Holiday
No, I would do it. Absolutely not.
Tam Bam
Speaking of titties, AJ gonna send me last night a video of somebody with little titties and was like, this is your sign to keep them little ass titties. Because I always would be like, I think I want to get like a little. A small implant. And AJ is like, this is your.
A.J. Holiday
Sign to lead them titties alone is what I said.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I. I'm at a place where I'm not cutting on myself. So.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, man, lead them to like good titties. Them is not complaining about them titties. Has any ever said, baby, you could use a little C cup? Well, you probably a C. You could use a little double D cup. Has anybody ever said that?
Tam Bam
No.
A.J. Holiday
Just do some wall push ups, if anything. I don't know.
Tam Bam
That'll make that a titty up. That'll lift your titty some.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. And I mean, I. I need to do some wall. These titties is when I gain weight, it's like the first thing to go in is these titties get bloated. And when I lose weight, it's the first thing to deflate.
Tam Bam
Really?
A.J. Holiday
Hell yeah. So I gotta do like, I'd be doing like a lot of these things and chest stuff to keep.
Tam Bam
This is my back. My back. Like when they say unbig your back, that's who they speaking to, me, baby. Like, I tried to wear this fur coat. I look like the cowardly lion off of whiz because my back so big and then I got that big hair. I can't wear that. I look crazy.
A.J. Holiday
We be so hard on ourselves. Man. And be like, oh, she look good. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. I said I look up like, oh, thank you. Because I feel like a mess right now.
Tam Bam
Right. And it'd be when you look at the worst, when the think you look the best. So you look.
A.J. Holiday
That's what it is.
Tam Bam
We all. We really got to be like, I can look at pictures of when I was smaller and more. Had more collagen and all that. Good. And I remember saying, being hard on myself.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. And now you want to get back to that.
Tam Bam
Yeah. And I was like, why didn't I embrace that when I had it? So I need to do the same thing right now, because there will be a time where I look back on this version of myself and be like, oh, she was fine. You know?
A.J. Holiday
Exactly.
Tam Bam
Y'all love every moment of this journey.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. What? Whatever body you in love it today, John.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Amen. And work on it.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Let's get into stupid Internet news.
Tam Bam
Damn. What happened, y'all?
A.J. Holiday
Y'all know we was MIA last week. Like, Like, Rocco Hairline Child. They were going to heat on Rocco. Monica, baby daddy got arrested for, I think, like, disorderly conduct or some type of assault or some shit this nigga got arrested for in Atlanta, and they posted his mugshot online. And Rocco, I don't even understand. Like, he literally has a cone head, and then he has, like, the Fred Sanford on the side. So all this time, this been hat fishing and. And lace front wearing. Okay. And we didn't know. But see, Monica loved you anyway.
Tam Bam
And that just goes to show, you are not ugly. You are poor not ugly, cuz.
A.J. Holiday
A response to people laughing is, did y'all get some money today? Like, that's really all care about is getting money like this hairline. But really you care about the hairline, right?
Tam Bam
You ain't want them pictures out there like that. Don't nobody who wear a wig want pictures with their wig off out there like that.
A.J. Holiday
But he can't even do a bald head. Like, is that the real shape of the head? It doesn't look like that with the hair on.
Tam Bam
Is that the real shape of the head? Is a crazy question.
A.J. Holiday
No, for real. Because. Did you see it? It's, like, combed up at the top so it doesn't look like that when he has his lace front on.
Tam Bam
Maybe because he have, like, more hair. Like, the barber is a good barber, and he makes it look like the illusion of flatness when it's really hair on. The size of that cone, you know what I'm saying?
A.J. Holiday
Yo, it's magic. Do you believe in magic?
Tam Bam
Voila. Magic.
A.J. Holiday
But this the who was playing with big Monica, man.
Tam Bam
Sheesh.
A.J. Holiday
I can't believe it. I can't believe it.
Tam Bam
Well, it happens.
A.J. Holiday
Shout out to that hairline.
Tam Bam
But I. Are you, like, would you care? I. I'm a fan of the man wigs. Some of these be upgrading 10,000% with that little man wig on.
A.J. Holiday
I actually like bald heads. Like, I have convinced a few in my lifetime to let it go. And I feel like men don't know no better until they meet a real one. Be like, just try it. Just cut it off and see how you look. And.
Tam Bam
If you can get away with a man wig and it look nice, do it. I'm not opposed. If it's done right now, if it look like you gonna date one, I would.
A.J. Holiday
Oh, okay.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I would.
A.J. Holiday
I don't think I. I wouldn't hate on a. If he were to get his. I would probably try to get him to go do hair implants because I got a couple homeboys who done went over there to Turkey and they came back a bad. Okay.
Tam Bam
Yeah, but what I don't like is that paint. Don't do that. Paint. I don't like that.
A.J. Holiday
And you're gonna go through an ugly stage with the hair implants. Yeah, but it's gonna get better. Like, you know, once it heals and all that. And your new hair start coming in, like, going to be lit all over.
Tam Bam
I know one of my home girls did that, and she said something slick to me, and she had that tied around her head real tight. I was like, you look like Frankenstein right now. She went.
A.J. Holiday
Got her hairline back.
Tam Bam
Yeah, she had that's. She had just cut back from getting her hairline, and she had, like. It was like a tourniquet on that. I don't know that Looking crazy as hell. You can't be talking to me looking like that right now.
A.J. Holiday
Good.
Tam Bam
Ass up.
A.J. Holiday
Shave, shave, shave.
Tam Bam
It look good now. It look good now.
A.J. Holiday
You just gotta hold on. Hold on for a bit. What else we had going on this one.
Tam Bam
Not Cam Newton. So Cam Newton did that show. It's a lot of celebrities on that show. I want to watch it. It's like a special forces kind of fear factor situation.
A.J. Holiday
Oh, yeah. I saw him, like, jumping from a boat to the plane.
Tam Bam
Yeah. Very athletic. His athleticism has not declined human, because I would not. First of all, why am I here on this work? I would not participate in those special forces. I am too delicate to be out there doing Those type of challenges and stuff like that. But Cam Newton was on there, and he was speaking about, you know, not being out of the NFL for three years now and those checks not rolling in the same, and him having eight children and him feeling like he can't provide the way he used to. Now, I'm sure he still can provide exceptionally in comparison to the average American, but in his eyes, it's not the same. And it makes him feel. He said he's Superman, but really he's just a man, you know, And I thought that was good, you know, for everybody to hear, because oftentimes men and women treat men like their value is based on how much they can provide. Do you agree?
A.J. Holiday
We'll save my response to. For the show.
Tam Bam
For the show.
A.J. Holiday
It's kind of aligned with this conversation regarding Cam Newton. So. So, no, that is not. That doesn't like what a man makes or like his. What he can produce. That does not, like, just equate, like, to just who this man is, you know, because of what he can provide. I wouldn't say that, but I think that both men and women know that they should be providing. And I don't think a man is comfortable when he can. And Cam Newton just said that.
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
You know what I'm saying? So I think when you take a man's job away, right, as the provider, some of them might have a little bit of resentment towards you. They may say they okay with their woman making more money than them, but are they really? Are you now in a situation where your man is in competition with you? Is he really comfortable in that position? So I'm pretty sure some. Some men are. But most men aspire, right, to be able to take care of people, how many other people they can.
Tam Bam
I agree.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. So anyway, y'all, that's. That's going to be kind of aligned.
Tam Bam
With what was our main topic today.
A.J. Holiday
But you know that. I think. I love that Cam Newton was very vulnerable in that moment. And then talking to men while doing it. See it. But then you get on these shows, like with when he had Dr. Brian Brian on, and the things that she say, you try to make it look like it. It's not like she's wrong. Right. With you creating these broken homes. And it's. It's just hard for a man to actually provide in a way that he wants to when everybody's in different households also.
Tam Bam
Right. I agree.
A.J. Holiday
So if you have all your kids in one place with one woman, y'all both are working at this thing together now. You got to deal with this attitude and what else this one got going on, if she might be shouldering some over there. And you're used to taking care of all these different households. Like, you know, it's. It's. It's stressful. And I think men might do better under stress, maybe. Right. But they also have a high damn rate of suicide. When shit get too out of control, they can't really take in. Not how women handle stress. Women handle stress better than men. I believe you. Men are just quiet with the stress. But peace and quiet is two different things. Just because you.
Nissan Advertiser
I agree.
A.J. Holiday
You at peace.
Tam Bam
You peaceful. That's for sure.
A.J. Holiday
Like, you really stressed out and just working out in your mind, which is not good all the time.
Tam Bam
I agree.
A.J. Holiday
So, yeah, he has stretched his. Himself thin. So it's good that he can now recognize that while talking to these men. But please keep that same type of energy when you talking to women when they. They pointing out things. I just think that men prefer to hear the shit from men.
Tam Bam
Don't blow through your money. Guys don't blow through your money.
A.J. Holiday
You know, they have to give financial advisors. I just. I just don't know. And I don't even think it's a situation with blowing through money. Like, he literally is taking care of too many people. So you let your dick make a slave out of you. So now you. You gotta keep doing all these different things now to keep up. I think he. He has the hustle. For sure. He'll be okay.
Tam Bam
Yeah. Eight kids. It's a lot of mouths to feed. But think about it. Back in the day, great grandma and great grandpa had 13 and nine and 13 kids, you know, but they were all in the same house.
A.J. Holiday
Outside the house, though.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Somebody household somewhere else. But the times is different. You know, saying, I don't like how the older generation, like the baby boomers and shit, be trying to talk shit about us. Like, y'all niggas literally ain't really have to go to high school, dog. Like, y'all was able to get jobs and buy a house for $50,000. Like we. A house is half a million dollars now.
Tam Bam
It's just. Yeah, it's just not the same playing field.
A.J. Holiday
It's not. It's not the same. They still want 3 times your income for a rent for a rental, and then the.
Tam Bam
The wages have not increased the same as the prices.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. So imagine three times your. Your income. I mean, three times the rent has to be your income. Right. But Your rent is $2,000 a month, right? You have to make a hundred thousand dollars a year now to rent an apartment in most places.
Tam Bam
Basically.
A.J. Holiday
The math ain't math.
Tam Bam
And right, so the time, it's just literally like they're setting it up right now where you need to partner drugs.
A.J. Holiday
Like you gonna have to do some illegal.
Tam Bam
Y'all don't listen, don't. Don't go sell eight drugs. Because aj, no, that dead.
A.J. Holiday
Selling drugs is dead too. You better get on some scamming or stealing some little Asian little boy. Like 21, 22, he. He got arrested. He was flexing online, but he done had hacked into some people's bitcoin accounts and stole like 400 million. 400. $400 million, I believe, worth of bitcoin.
Tam Bam
Oh, he was greedy.
A.J. Holiday
Chilling.
Tam Bam
He should have just took 1 or 2 million. They may not have even noticed.
A.J. Holiday
Flexing on the ground with all the whips in the club.
Tam Bam
That's crazy. All right, so hold on.
A.J. Holiday
So did you see this? Just came in hot, I guess. I don't watch reality TV like that. I think it's just kind of. It's not the best representation of black people. I'm not opposed to doing reality tv though. But I just think like the shit that be on tv, right? I. I don't know, man. We be having our moments in real life. Yeah, we be ratcheting, but I just don't really be liking to see it on TV for real for other people to see. Because now white people really don't have to be our friends. They just get a little piece of us online to see and they'd be like, oh, that's how all these niggas are.
Tam Bam
We ain't got to be that friend either, right?
A.J. Holiday
So on an episode of Love and Hip Hop Miami, whoever this person is, Flo, do you know who that is? Her name?
Tam Bam
No, I don't. I don't watch. I don't watch reality. Yeah, sometimes I watch baddies though. I won't even hold you on the treadmill because I need something to take my mind off the burn baby shame. But go ahead.
A.J. Holiday
So love them Hip hop Miami flow. And Amira Legra got into an argument and the girl Flo said, that's how black hate on light skinned girls. That was the end of it. And Amira was like, say that again. See, that's how you just let people talk, right? And they beat on, said the wrong. Say that one more time so you could hear yourself too, right?
Tam Bam
Because all these beautiful black women at this table. And first of all, where is the light skinned girl. Because was she in the.
A.J. Holiday
Who.
Tam Bam
Who is she?
A.J. Holiday
What? A light skinned girl. Please stand up.
Tam Bam
Right. Because she wasn't even light skinned by my barometer, you know, but so apparently.
A.J. Holiday
Flow sells skin brightening creams and stuff online as well.
Tam Bam
So I. I never understood the concept of that.
A.J. Holiday
It's just so contradicting because why the hell y'all be like, black is beautiful, but y'all be wanting to look yellow.
Tam Bam
Right? I don't confuse. I don't understand that.
A.J. Holiday
I'm confused. And on top of the brightening, on top of the makeup, then you add a filter on there too. So really, do you really believe black is beautiful? I do.
Tam Bam
I do too.
A.J. Holiday
Okay. Because. Oh, girl, no matter how yellow she looks, she ain't. She is not with Amar Lera. Is it Amara or Amira? Amara. Face like she not with that girl. Face.
Tam Bam
Face eats down. That baby look like a. That woman look like a damn Barbie doll. A chocolate, beautiful black Barbie.
A.J. Holiday
Absolutely.
Tam Bam
We don't need to be arguing about looks with this one down.
A.J. Holiday
And just because you light skin does not automatically make you cute either. You know what I'm saying? So I understand, like I. I be understanding the plight between both of these people. We had a whole episode regarding.
Tam Bam
Yeah, be each other friends. We need each other's.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. We got race about D within our own race.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
You know, so Erica Mina chimed in, you know, because she got fired from loving Hip Hop Atlanta essentially when her and Spice got into it. And she. Did she call her a monkey?
Tam Bam
I think she did.
A.J. Holiday
And, you know, now she's on Zeus network, so she took that as an opportunity to, you know, advertise for Zeus. But she's saying basically, how the fuck y'all. Y'all this. The same shit happened to me. Y'all gonna fire her like somebody was coming for me. I said some shit in the midst of an argument to win, you know.
Tam Bam
And she does have a point there. I just think they don't like you. So any reason to get rid of you would have done. That's really what it boils down to.
A.J. Holiday
But she said she recorded, I think. I don't think that's what it was. She was saying how she, you know, worked months after that. It wasn't until that episode hit online like it hit the public.
Tam Bam
So the public outrage is what got her.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, the public outrage is what got her fired. The people. The people canceled her.
Tam Bam
Yo, I'm sorry. My voice. Everybody's sick. Everybody going through it. Okay? So I apologize.
A.J. Holiday
We both over Here drinking tea.
Tam Bam
Yes. Like the norovirus, upper respiratory infections. What else is going around? Good gosh, I done had all of them.
A.J. Holiday
And that's another reason why I stay my ass to in the house. But I have a significant other who is very social. So now I gotta get sick every time this come in here with some cause he don't know, like a child.
Tam Bam
You might as well go outside, you hear me?
A.J. Holiday
I'm like, I. I gotta talk for a living. Like, I can't be getting sick.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
That is very inconsiderate. Like why I'm telling this grown ass man, cover your mouth. He just in here hacking up. And now not even 24 hours later, by the time I wake up, I'm sick.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I called her the other day. She's like, hello? I was like, damn.
A.J. Holiday
Okay, so when we come back from break, y'all, I don't know if y'all saw this clip of Dr. Umar. He was on a podcast called Bittersweet, I think it was. And there's a couple clips from that podcast on social media right now. Now, I did attempt to watch the full episode, give that girl a view, but I didn't get through it because somebody called my phone. But I want to talk about some of the things that Dr. Umar has been saying lately, and it kind of ties into, you know, what Cam Newton expressed on this new show he's on. So we'll be back.
Tam Bam
All right, let's get into it.
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Tam Bam
Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather appointed seats are optional features.
Dylan Mulvaney
Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.
A.J. Holiday
I like a man.
Dylan Mulvaney
You like a man. What do I like?
A.J. Holiday
Joe?
Tam Bam
You like a man too.
Dylan Mulvaney
We often there's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here.
A.J. Holiday
Not like.
Dylan Mulvaney
No.
Tam Bam
Have we?
A.J. Holiday
No.
Dylan Mulvaney
No, not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls gays and they's to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.
John Cameron Mitchell
This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future we will all be cancelled for 15 minutes. But don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism, spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Kevin Smith
Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.
Tam Bam
And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.
Kevin Smith
That's my daughter man, who my wife has always said is just a be beardless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.
A.J. Holiday
It's a work in progress.
Kevin Smith
Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
A.J. Holiday
Okay, y'all, so we're back. And so Dr. Umar says that, well, okay, on this. On this podcast, the girl asked her him about, like, was wasn't even an ask it was a conversation about dating women, you know, black women. And this is somebody in Australia. Now there are. He's on this podcast, it shows in Australia, but it's a black woman, African. So he even there they're talking about dating and black women not being able to find suitable mates and partners, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So Dr. Umar takes it upon himself to say that, you know, black women are overly concerned about how much money a man makes. And we cannot and should not expect for a black man to have the means and be able to take care of us like white men do their wives. Right? How they do their white women. And I just found it kind of offensive a little bit. Right. Because why is it that black women are the only group of people who cannot ask for more? Right. I think when black men in particular go to these other groups of people, they know they got to come with more, but they while with us, they expect us to struggle with them.
Tam Bam
And we do. That's the crazy part.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. That's why I want to talk about exactly we do, right?
Tam Bam
This narrative that black women are just after finances. We be in the trenches with these.
A.J. Holiday
Men all the time.
Tam Bam
Yeah, okay.
A.J. Holiday
All the time. So it's just. And then where's your wife, Dr. Umar? Where is your black wife? Where's your black woman? Why you out here telling black men and women had a relationship?
Tam Bam
Because who is he dating? Is he dating anyone? Is he. Because, I mean, he does have a lot of advice for black women. And I just don't see him ever with one or any woman for that matter. Like, have we seen him?
A.J. Holiday
We know he got a kid. I think he got. I think he got like three kids with a churn. If you got him where the women do you like them?
Tam Bam
Right? Are you creating broken homes?
A.J. Holiday
I'm confused.
Tam Bam
Somebody, somebody help me understand what's going on here.
A.J. Holiday
But here's the thing. Black men are way more hypergamous than black women. Meaning black men date the up, okay? And if they're not dating up, you're a stepping stool until they get the woman that they actually think they deserve.
Tam Bam
So when you say men date up, is. Is. Is it. It's not in terms of finances, it's in terms of beauty. Often like. Or what they deem beauty like they'll be with the average looking around the way chick. Like that'll be their first baby mama. And then when they get money, it might be some exotic looking or more glamorous looking or more fit or more something that's aesthetically pleasing. To the eye, perhaps when you say, is that what you mean by dating?
A.J. Holiday
No, I'm talking about straight up finances. I'm talking about finances. Black men date up when you see a black. Okay, so this is. This had been an ongoing argument with me and this. Right. Because. And I mean, for years, this is an argument because he would make comments like black women only date white men for a come up. And I'm like, that's a lie. Usually when a black woman dates a black dates a white man, they. She actually likes white people, White men. Excuse me. She likes white people, white men. She prefers white men. Right. And she's also well established a lot of the time. They're highly educated, great jobs, you know, deep in their professions and their careers, and they go get a white guy. Right. Because that's what they want. Right. When a black man dates a white woman, it's usually for a come up so he can reposition himself so he can have more access. It's not the same when black women do it.
Tam Bam
I agree.
A.J. Holiday
So that's what I mean by when Dr. Umar says that black women have this expectation from black men. I feel like black men have an expectation from black women that they don't have from other groups of women.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
They ask us what we bring into the table and somebody else can just come sit down because that. They go after something different once they arrive, once they get their finances in order, a lot of times they go after something different. It may not be a white woman. Right, right. But it's not always a Afrocentric black woman is what I'm saying.
Tam Bam
Yeah, yeah.
A.J. Holiday
So why are we expected, right, to not at least have a man, like I said when we were talking about Cam Newton, at least have a man who's a spirit aspiring to take care of. I'm not asking you to have everything. Today we know what men have. Potential. We. We be with because of potential a lot.
Tam Bam
Right. But in our. All right, so here's me playing devil's advocate all the time right now. Black women make more money and are more educated than black men. So with that st. Knowing that statistic, all of us ain't gonna be able to get a man who's making as much as us because they don't exist.
A.J. Holiday
Black women are also more in debt than black men. So, yeah, you making more money, but that education cost you 100, $200,000.
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
You come into the table with more debt. So it kind of evens out, actually, if we devil's advocate.
Tam Bam
But if you're. If you're saying, oh, I only make it look good. I only want to date a man who is equally yoked when it comes to finances as me making as much as me. Some of us gonna miss out because there's just not enough black men to make that happen. So what do we do? Do we date outside of our race? Do we decide to just be alone? Do we, you know, are we date down?
A.J. Holiday
No. Why can't the men come up?
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
You don't have to work for somebody. Most black women are working corporate jobs. You know, they get the education. It's not like they, like. A lot of black women do have businesses they've created as well. Right. But a lot of my, like, guy friends like these own businesses. They don't have a degree. You know what I'm saying? It might have been in the military at some point, something like that, but they created the riches. They created their wealth. Right, Right. You can do that. I think it. I think the problem is, is that why are we asking. Why are we being asked to step down as opposed to the men actually elevated elevating? Because I feel like if every woman required a man to have a house, a car and a job, every man would have a house, a car and a job. But because there are some women that would allow a man to come sleep on their couch in their house, some men feel like they don't have to get to it.
Tam Bam
Yeah, but can we love a man until he gets a house, a car, in a job? Do we need to already. He needs to already come with that. I'm just thinking about in our 20s.
A.J. Holiday
No.
Tam Bam
So. So, all right, I'm thinking about. Remember the movie with Taraji P. Henson?
A.J. Holiday
Oh, acrimony, Acrimony.
Tam Bam
And how the woman he end up marrying pretty much took him in, and he was in a low place. He didn't have no money. He just had an idea that was brilliant.
A.J. Holiday
You know, but how many years was Taraji with him with the idea this woman reaped the benefits when he finally arrived? Do you see what I'm saying?
Tam Bam
No, no, he didn't arrive. He arrived with her. She. She got him out the trenches. He was working in the kitchen at a restaurant, washing dishes.
A.J. Holiday
That's not. You didn't have nowhere to rewatch that movie.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
He put up to Roger P. Henson Mama House for that, for that, for that. His creation. The girl worked at the firm that he was trying to get his foot into. That's how he was able. She. She basically got him in the door. Now, Taraji B. Henson wasn't in this woman's position to actually get him in that door. She happened to work at the place.
Tam Bam
Right, Right. But what I'm saying is she didn't get him from. He wasn't already glowed up when she snatched him up. He was down.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. But I think. I don't know if that's a good example, because Taraji P. Henson lost her mind. Literally.
Tam Bam
She did.
A.J. Holiday
Staying with him through the thick. She literally lost her fucking mind, and some other woman gets the benefit, you know? And you know, this is why they. So this is why you could be in a situation with somebody where either this person want to be moving mountains with you, or they gonna be the mountain you gotta move. So it could be the energy from the other person, why you're not advancing and getting to where you need to be at. It's. It's a lot of men and women in situations like that, just with the wrong partner and they're holding on to this thing, and maybe that relationship is what they actually got to let go of to get to the next to elevate.
Tam Bam
Yep. I agree.
A.J. Holiday
But how long was she supposed to cater to his thing? How long. How long do we struggle in the relationship? And why do we have to struggle?
Tam Bam
That's what Dr. Umar said. Because the black man doesn't have the privilege that the white man has. So that's why you have to struggle with them. Listen, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't subscribe to the idea of struggle. I don't want to struggle in any stretch of the imagination, but I'm willing to like. We do it, though.
A.J. Holiday
I just.
Tam Bam
I don't like this over my.
A.J. Holiday
We do it. We do it. We.
Tam Bam
Yeah, we do.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. So it's just like, where do. Where are all these men with all this money that black women just not with. I mean, with no money. I mean, like, where. Where are all these men Bitches pregnant. Yeah, it's more. Is more black people, period. Black men and women that don't have nothing. No money. Right. Living paycheck to paycheck. They be doing it together.
Tam Bam
Mm. I agree.
A.J. Holiday
So what I think the group of people that these men get on podcasts and who they're talking about are the women who are now choosing to be single and they have standards. Right. Those are the women that men have a problem with. Right. Because a lot of those women are getting comfortable being by themselves. Right.
Tam Bam
I ain't comfortable. I'm gonna let y'all know right now.
A.J. Holiday
I would Never be comfortable for real by myself. Because I'm a relationship person. Right. Kind of like a hybrid. Kind of like I always said, I want to be single in a relationship.
Tam Bam
I remember I came home from work and I was living in this high rise. Everything was beautiful. And I put my little factor meal in the microwave. And I sat down on the couch at my little tv TV tray. And I was like, this is not what God intended. Me eating this factor meal by myself in this house. This is not how it's supposed to be. And I know.
A.J. Holiday
No. The life is based on double occupancy. Y'all can tell what these damn bills. Okay.
Tam Bam
Yeah. The price of cost in the same breath. I'm not willing to just lay my standards down by the riverside just to have somebody.
A.J. Holiday
Right.
Tam Bam
I'll be alone until I meet someone that. But it's just so it. I don't know how it's become so difficult. You know, it. I think social media plays a role because we have access to too many people.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly.
Tam Bam
You know, I think that plays a huge role. The DMS is never. It's endless. It's endless in there. Which make you not kind of wanna. I don't like. Because it'd be married. Oh, don't nobody slide harder than somebody else. Husband in the dm, Slipping and sliding. Boy, get by sending to your wife. Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Y'all really don't want us to be girls. Girls. Cause y'all be in trouble, right?
Tam Bam
It benefits me nothing. So I don't even like, entertain. But then my husband might be right, sitting in that dm, waiting on me to respond, you know, because where else I'm gonna meet him at? We talk back. Ain't never. It's a bunch of bitches. It's a bunch of us. Or then I work in an industry where it's nothing but women and gay men, so I don't. I'm not even in environments where I get to meet men. So then now I get to. I gotta either use social media and I. I just want to talk about this real quick. I downloaded this app called Luxie. It's a dating app. It's supposed to be like an upscale dating app. And this try to charge me 500. I don't want no man that bad.
A.J. Holiday
You're buying a. Yeah, I don't want.
Tam Bam
No for 500.
A.J. Holiday
Matchmaker.
Tam Bam
Not when the DMS is free. It's the same. You know what's. What makes it any different?
A.J. Holiday
So is it white men on Luxie? Are there any black men on there?
Tam Bam
Yeah, it's. It's different. Like, all kinds of men. White, black, Middle Eastern, all.
A.J. Holiday
I guess that's the investment, right? To. So you can find somebody who is comparable to.
Tam Bam
You got 500.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. That's the fee you gotta pay to let people know, like, this is real. Like, you gotta. That's an investment.
Tam Bam
I went. I reached out to one of those, like, million dollar matchmaker companies that I saw, like, I think it was on, like, Housewives of Atlanta or something. I saw it on and I reached out to them and I got an interview and they liked me and all that stuff. And it was like, oh, yeah, we definitely can pair you with somebody. You seem like a great option, you know, candidate for the type of minute we have here. She's like, we're just going to need you to invest $10,000. Excuse me, say what? 10,000. I'm not paying 500. I'm definitely not paying $10,000. Like, we just want to make sure that this is something that you want. They. They want to make sure that you're not just looking for a man with money to come take care of you. I'm assuming because you got 10,000 of your own to invest into. And they was like, we'll keep sending you on dates until we find your husband forever once you pay this 10 grand. I was like, rachel, I'm gonna call you back in about 30 minutes.
A.J. Holiday
Is it refundable? Is a portion of it refundable?
Tam Bam
No, it's not refundable. This is the fee to be a million dollar matched to the stacks. So if y'all got 10 grand, y'all better. If y'all have 10 grand that you're willing to invest in, you know, being paired in. In you're someone who really cares about finances in a relationship, and you want a man who has a lot of money, that is an option for you. You know, throw $10,000 at it. I'm not willing to take 10,000 of my money to invest in that because I just feel like I can. The best romance for me will happen organically. You know, I'm not paying 500.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. That I'm trying to.
Tam Bam
All these three out here.
A.J. Holiday
How does that. How does that correlate to what we talking about? Because it's something there with that.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Right. So the woman has to have some means in order to get a man with money. Right, Right. And that's. I think that's another part that some women don't consider. Right. You want. You want a certain type of man and not if he's not a rapper or a street. Like you have to present a certain way too.
Tam Bam
Absolutely.
A.J. Holiday
You got people who be in these, these. There's a lot of affluent black families, right. And they be real cut through. Like they're not just letting anybody into their circle.
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
Like who's this outside? Because you could have married one of these other that we've in debutante. And all this since we jack in jail. Exactly.
Tam Bam
Was it a member of Jack?
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. It's a mean girl that goes on. So who are you? Some random ass and where you come from?
Tam Bam
Right?
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. Like get real. So are you even, are you even that breed?
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
Do you, do you have what it takes to even keep up with that lifestyle? Once you get that man.
Tam Bam
In the.
A.J. Holiday
Upper echelon, like how can you maintain that man?
Tam Bam
Can you maintain that man in that family that comes with that man?
A.J. Holiday
Hold on, Sam. Let's face the first two years of.
Nissan Advertiser
2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your real cousin's latest, overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring s stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let the sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized light option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill or in a straight up do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.
Tam Bam
Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.
Dylan Mulvaney
Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.
A.J. Holiday
I like a man.
Dylan Mulvaney
You like a man. What do I like?
A.J. Holiday
Joe, you like a man too.
Dylan Mulvaney
We often. There's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here.
A.J. Holiday
Not like.
Dylan Mulvaney
No.
Tam Bam
Have we.
Dylan Mulvaney
No, no, not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls gays. And they's to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world, and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.
John Cameron Mitchell
This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism spin class, and mandatory Iowa ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.
A.J. Holiday
Karen, where have you brought us?
John Cameron Mitchell
Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Kevin Smith
Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.
Tam Bam
And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.
Kevin Smith
That's my daughter, man. Who my wife has always said is just a beardless d ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.
A.J. Holiday
It's a work in progress.
Kevin Smith
Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get.
A.J. Holiday
Your podcast and build.
Tam Bam
Because do you feel like when you marry a man, you marry the family?
A.J. Holiday
I used to feel like that. And I feel like it is important to have a good rapport with whoever you with, with their family. But at this big age, I'm like your sister. Them people, I ain't coming. I ain't going. Really.
Tam Bam
Well, luckily, I just always aspire to, like, really lock in with my. My partner's family.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, I've done it in some situations, and in others, I don't give a.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I. I come from a very small. Like, I don't have, like, a huge family, so it would be important for me to have a healthy relationship with my partner's family. I've always, like, prioritized that where even after, after we break up, the mama still be like, I want to hook you up with my doctor. You know, Like, I prioritize that.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah. I most, Most of the time, like, mamas love me. You know what I'm saying? Sisters hook me up with their brothers. You know what? I definitely even happens over time, like, they get some. I think. I don't know if they not like I always be saying if the, if the mom. I don't really like niggas with mamas, but if you have one, I just need her to be in a healthy relationship. I need your sister to be in a healthy relationship so she's not interfering with our relationship.
Tam Bam
Like my, My. My high school boyfriend, his family did not. His sister and mom did not think I was good enough for him. But that's because I was from the hood and they were like upper class blacks in Colombia, you know, and it was so crazy because I was definitely like a honor roll student. I was in all the clubs. I was like highest ranking in rotc. I was an exchange student. You know, I was just very. A cheerleader. I did it all. And I. But I just was from the hood, you know, I didn't. I was a good girl, you know, but they just did not like me for any. I mean, fast forward, fast forward.
A.J. Holiday
Who he got kids with.
Tam Bam
Listen, I ain't gonna put all the business out like that, but I'll just.
A.J. Holiday
Say that who y'all was playing with.
Tam Bam
Yeah, who y'all was playing with, period.
A.J. Holiday
That's why. That's what. That's a part of my reason for not like, imagine. Imagine it being the opposite, though. I ain't from the hood. Like my. Both of my parents, like, they from the hood of the hood of the hoods in Charleston. But they the. That made it right. So I. All my sisters, them lived in the projects when they was kids, but I never experienced that. Like, my mom is still living in the same house that she bought, that they bought her, my husband, my dad, but I don't know, a month or two before I was born. Right? So that's. That's stability. Right? But imagine being with somebody who my people don't look like where they come from, but you from the hood. You treating me indifferent. Yeah, because she got all the things, like, you know, she got a little Louis bag and all that. But you live in a house that's damn near dilapidated and treating me some type of way. Imagine that. Treating me like I'm not good enough for your brother.
Tam Bam
This was. Oh, for Their brother.
A.J. Holiday
Yes. Treating me like I'm the one that's not good enough.
Tam Bam
That's crazy. But. But being from the hood does not make you not good.
A.J. Holiday
Exactly. It's. It's. All of this stuff is a state of mind. You know what I'm saying? Like, country is a state of mind. Hood is a state of mind. You don't have to look like where you from.
Tam Bam
Right.
A.J. Holiday
You don't have to be like, where you from.
Tam Bam
Right. I agree that.
A.J. Holiday
And that's. But that's what I was talking about with these mean girl groups. Like, these people live this way their whole lives. So even if you were the hood chick that made it, they will still be looking at you like an outsider. Like, you're not. You're not like us.
Tam Bam
Right. It is. It is a class system, you know, that happens within our culture. The boulevard. But does that. Does that mean, like. Because. All right, honestly, I've met some men that were, like, really, really nice and successful and really like me, but they were just too stuck.
A.J. Holiday
I need, like, I need a. I.
Tam Bam
Need to do it.
A.J. Holiday
Me neither. Like, I need to be able to be myself, because I can be like that. Right. But I can also. I'm like Renaissance woman. I could do all the things.
Tam Bam
That's what I feel like. You could take me anywhere from the White House to the outhouse, and I can, you know, exactly. Maneuver. Maneuver. But I don't need someone who's just so stuffy.
A.J. Holiday
Like, you laugh like an Englishman.
Tam Bam
Please pass the grace.
A.J. Holiday
Get out in the face. Yeah. I can't do stuffy.
Tam Bam
It needs to be balanced.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah.
Tam Bam
For me. So. But maybe I need to not be so, you know, maybe I need to relax. That maybe I'm like. I'm asking him to, you know, people to accept me with my, you know, upbringing and the things that I've experienced. And I can't. I'm saying, oh, I can't date a stuffy ass. Maybe I need to date me a stuffy ass.
A.J. Holiday
I don't know. I don't know. I think that I just. Balance is always good. I don't like anybody that's just. Just one way. You know what I'm saying? I have a friend who is, like, raised in the hood, single mama, the. That made it. Those are generally the type of men that I like. I like that made it. I like men who. They just did. Just the character is just different.
Tam Bam
And it's just something about a person who. No. Struggle. That. Yeah. I think. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like they have a greater appreciation for things and wealth and relationships and. I don't know, they just move. Yeah. Someone who's, you know, had everything provided and give it to them their whole life. No, I could. You know what? I don't want to discredit them because everybody's bottom is different, you know, So I don't want to like say that about people who've been provided everything. But it is a difference. There is a difference in gratitude, perhaps.
A.J. Holiday
And see, I Even my. I was not in my. In my house, my upbringing, we were not provided everything. We were provided what we needed and we never went without things. Right. So just real life middle class. For real.
Tam Bam
Yeah. Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
But I mean, like, I would see people who was in the hood, they had all the new Jordans. I'm always not. I had the basic ass Nikes. Basic. All the basic, like. So the things that I buy now because I was deprived of those things as a kid.
Tam Bam
Like the right.
A.J. Holiday
A mama. But we always had a house. So her priorities were different because she was also a single mom with three fucking kids working all day long like a lot of other people moms. But the priorities and what was important was just different, right? So people will. I have dated a who judged me. I would wear like wool coats. This was like. You got that Manhattan jacket on. Like, what? This is a nice coat. Wanted to buy me thigh high. Remember those Timberlands? Those thigh high Timberlands that came out? I was like, your baby mama might like them. I don't like those. Like, that's not the fire. No, they weren't.
Tam Bam
You talking about the knee high Tim's?
John Cameron Mitchell
Yes.
Tam Bam
Yeah, it was fire. No, I don't know what you're talking about. They had a good run when they came out. They was cute. You had your little. No, I didn't have exactly.
A.J. Holiday
You ain't bought. They was cute for them. It was not cute for me. Weren't cute. I'm not saying.
Tam Bam
What about the Manolo Balonic?
A.J. Holiday
I like the Manolos. But then when they came out with all the knockoffs, I'm like, ugh, it's over with.
Tam Bam
Everybody came out with one that's just like the shark boots.
A.J. Holiday
It's over with. I still like them shark boots. The knee high ones.
Tam Bam
Yeah, they are cute.
A.J. Holiday
Those are nice.
Tam Bam
I like them too. But I don't say they over. So I guess people can't wear them no more.
A.J. Holiday
And now this same man, right, has strived, right. He bought his kids a home. They don't know his struggle. So basically, you Was hating on your kids because I would. I represent your children, basically. My parents tried to do all the things so that I didn't have to grow up how they did. He did all the things so his children have to grow up like he did. But while dating me, you trying to make me feel bad because my bottom was different from yours, right?
Tam Bam
I still got struggle uncommon children. Like, kids would be like, oh, you got daddy.
A.J. Holiday
Hey, I'm talking about grown people though. We in our 20s, 30s, like. And you coming at me because I have a different upbringing.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Why are you dating me? Why you dating up? Nigga, stay where you say that. The. That's what I'm talking about. Men are hypergamous, okay? They gonna date up. And I met that in a gas station, okay? Working mopping the floor in the gas station. But when I once I spoke to him once I t this is a now who's doing very well in life, okay? I saw his potential then he was mopping the gas station floor by. At this gas station where. By where my apartment was at in Columbia, South Carolina. And he was working there only to get enough gas money to get to Orangeburg for his diesel mechanic schooling.
Tam Bam
Amen, brother. Okay, that's right. That's what I'm talking about. So why can't you catch a man there? You know what I'm saying? Like you can catch a man there at that point.
A.J. Holiday
That's what Umar was saying. Like black women don't catch men in progress. That's a lie. We be in progress with black men all the time.
Tam Bam
Yeah, I agree.
A.J. Holiday
But when a man hasn't arrived at his final destination, they are oftentimes disgruntled and mad and upset. And it takes time for them to be comfortable with their situation. Because really, guess what? You should not be comfortable.
Tam Bam
Right? But you don't have to be mean though. That's the thing.
A.J. Holiday
But they don't have no.
Tam Bam
Neither one of us are comfortable. Neither one of us are comfortable right now. But only one of us is nice. Listen, my ex boyfriend, I used to come home from work and I'd be like, hey. He's like, why the you so happy all the time?
A.J. Holiday
Leave him. The minute a say some like that. Leave him.
Tam Bam
I was like, I'm just happy to see I. I'll never forget this. He's like, why the you happy so much all the time? I was like, I'm just happy to see you. He's like, you went to work for eight hours. You see me me eight hours ago.
A.J. Holiday
But imagine if you came home. This is why people like abuse. Imagine if you came home with his attitude every day. He would be loving the in your drawers people love.
Tam Bam
That's crazy. What the you so happy about?
A.J. Holiday
I'm like, damn, girl, a minute a act like that. Too many times with you say too many little slicks. Get the up out of there.
Tam Bam
It was time to go. It got to the point where I would come home from work and just sit in the car for a little while because I knew I was gonna come into some energy that wasn't the same. It was going to shift my spirit, you know, Like, I had a good day. I'm happy. I come in and I need to tone down my happiness to match the.
A.J. Holiday
Vibes and see, I can't. I. I'm learning to thrive in any situation. But toxicity that should be crumbling me a little bit dog my last relationship. You know how the men be like, oh, and I've said this before. They want peace. They want peace. Peace, peace. All men are not peaceful. That's how it would be when that would walk in the house. It would be. It would be a dark cloud over anybody that's in there. As soon as you could be so happy, the sun was shining in that. Soon as that key going, that lock. Dark cloud.
Tam Bam
Yeah, you got to go. You got to get up out of space. And if you are listening to this and you are living in a space where your man come in and his darkness brothers, baby, start getting your exit strategy together.
A.J. Holiday
Get the up out of there.
Tam Bam
Yeah. Yeah. Men and women, if you come. If your woman come home and you listen to this and every time she come home, it's darkness.
A.J. Holiday
Darkness. It's a rainbow on the other side. Get the.
Tam Bam
You know what? I ain't gonna say. Just get out of there. Maybe try to navigate why it's dark and fix that. But if you can't navigate why it's dark and can't fix it, baby, life is too short to be sitting under a rain cloud all the time. If anybody asking you why you happy every time?
A.J. Holiday
What you got to smile for? We got bills, dude. Like, I'm happy to pay him. I'm happy to be able to pay my bills, right? To find gratitude, man, and all the things right? The like, that's how you get more gratitude. That's it. Anyway, you Dr. Umar, he also said. Yeah, he also said some about the snow bunnies versus black women. And how do black women, black men, black women. Like, I just said that black women will catch. I mean white women. The Snow bunnies will catch men in progress. Right? Black women ain't doing that. That is not fucking true.
Tam Bam
That's not true.
A.J. Holiday
We be in the thing with y'all until y'all get to where y'all going, and then somehow you. You don't want us no more. That happens a lot. So why should we keep putting our. Our life on the line? When do we choose us?
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
This is why men. This is why the podcasts are in such uproar, because black women have started to choose themselves. And even if choosing yourself looks like you being by yourself. These is mad. How dare you. You're the one thing that we should always have control of.
Tam Bam
And kid.
A.J. Holiday
But once we realize we the gods, okay. Because.
Tam Bam
God. But I just want the narrative to change so we can start pairing like I want. There needs to be, like, a major paradigm shift so we can start.
A.J. Holiday
I think it's happening. It's just some of these. Some of these people, Black men and women will just have to be thrown to the wayside. The got to get thrown to the wayside. And then we just got to deal with black people.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
I'm sorry.
Tam Bam
It's just different.
A.J. Holiday
It's different.
Tam Bam
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, because I'm just looking at, you know, the youth and some of the behavior. Some of the. It's scary. You know? It's scary. It seems very divisive. You know, the young. The young people are.
A.J. Holiday
They smarter, but they dumber.
Tam Bam
Yeah. And I just need to know, why is y'all ass out? Why y'all wearing them skirts with the ass out? I don't understand the shorts. Please come in my DMs and tell me why. When did that. Like, how did that become.
A.J. Holiday
Girl been wearing their ass out. You forget about freak Nick and everything else. The coochie cutters, like, that's been the thing.
Tam Bam
No, I'm talking about these little skirts with the whole booty hanging out the back.
A.J. Holiday
Oh, like the gothic.
Tam Bam
It's like a little lampshade. Just like a little lampshade over the ass. They don't cover the ass up at all.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, I don't know. But, I mean, it's no different from the coochie cutters. People ask. Literally hanging out.
Tam Bam
I. I had coochie cutters back in the day, but they was not as little as these pants. This cut. Now, I'm sorry. They were short, but it was not this short.
A.J. Holiday
Coochie cutters. You ain't have on coochie Cutters, then. Cause coochie cutters, literally. You got the coochie. You can see it in the front. And then you could see that ass hanging from the bottom.
Tam Bam
Oh, no, I didn't. My mama wouldn't allow that.
A.J. Holiday
You probably had some shorts with a little fringe on it. They might have been.
Tam Bam
Yeah, little fringe. We would cut up our jeans. We cut up old jeans and then, like, cut little. Like, little lines and then wash it and dry it so it'll be, like.
A.J. Holiday
Frilly at the bottom and see that Even a little frilly thing that covered the booty a little bit at the bottom. Yeah, but you have really walk around with they ass out and at the top when Low Rise came out. Remember Locim. Low Rise jeans?
Tam Bam
Oh, yeah. And they had the little thong.
A.J. Holiday
Yeah, we did all that, too.
Tam Bam
I did that. I definitely had a little. My. The little strip. The little strip on the side showing.
A.J. Holiday
We did all the things, too. I think it's just. We just older now and looking at the things. Things, and you don't have to do all that.
Tam Bam
I don't know. It just seemed very super suggestive now. Maybe it is because I'm older. Older, cuz. I'm so tired of looking at y'all ass. I ain't gonna hold you.
A.J. Holiday
I.
Tam Bam
It ain't even good, boy. All right, let me stop. I love my little sisters. Y'all beautiful, y'all.
A.J. Holiday
Valentine's Day coming up. Y'all find y'all some love, okay? If y'all ain't getting nobody during cuffing season, you still got some time. You still got some time to get a little. A little Valentine's. Hate Valentine's. Don't give a.
Tam Bam
Don't give about, like, that's not true. To be liking Valentine's.
A.J. Holiday
They get your something for Valentine's. If you got a man, get your man. I've been trying to find out, like, figure out what I'm gonna get mine for Valentine's Day.
Tam Bam
I got a good idea for y'all. For y'all. Valentine's Day for a. This is awful. Y'all heard it here. Tam Bam shared this with y'all. Make. Go buy a photo album. Put a picture, like, from when y'all first started kicking it. However long that is, put that in the front. And then the next page, put, like, gift card. It says, oh, you look so good with a fresh cut. Here's a cut to pay for the. Here's some money to pay for a barber Visa gift card for $60. The next page is, like, don't ever walk out of my life. And it'll be a gift card to, like, a. Where he get his sneakers from. And then pull up on me on the next page, and it'll be a gas gift card. Then on the next page, it'll be like, I wanna. When I can't cook for you, but I want you to be fed. And it'll be a gift card to his favorite restaurant. And then the next page, this is just some cash because I like tricking on you. And it just be cash in that slot. Just. And then just think of all the things that your man pays for for himself and create a slot where you help participate in that. And put a cute little caption over it. Yeah. And a photo album. That'd be a cute little gift.
A.J. Holiday
Then make sure your. Your gift that he's to gift you totals up the amount of money that you spent.
Tam Bam
Don't worry about that. Don't worry about your gift.
A.J. Holiday
Was like trying to give the same amount of money. That means I might as well buy my own. And you buy your own.
Tam Bam
That's why you should not think about that.
A.J. Holiday
Why are we doing that?
Tam Bam
But just don't let my gift be more expensive than your gift.
A.J. Holiday
Right. Because we practice hyper. Me over here.
Tam Bam
One Christmas, me and this. We got each other gifts, and I bought him, like, two. Two expensive pairs of designer sneakers. And he bought me this little Gucci wallet. I was like, I know the. You didn't buy me no little cheap.
A.J. Holiday
Goddamn sneakers back.
Tam Bam
Right? But it is what it is. I'm joking. All right, so y'all, guess what? On Valentine's Day, for our Valentine's Day episode by aj. AJ wants to do this because she thinks it's gonna be fun for y'all and her. The love of tambound. For the love of Tambam, we're gonna have some gentlemen suitors to shoot.
A.J. Holiday
They shot because I think it's gonna be fun.
Tam Bam
Yeah, that's what you said. You said it's gonna be fun. I said, for who? Hold on.
A.J. Holiday
If we actually. If we do some YouTube, we. I mean, we could actually have people come.
Tam Bam
Yeah, we can have them come. But y'all, I get nervous and awkward, so it's gonna be now you tell.
A.J. Holiday
If you got autism.
Tam Bam
Well.
A.J. Holiday
Y'All know. Please calculate that in your house.
Tam Bam
Listen, we not gonna speak that over me. I have not retarded, okay? I just. Sometimes I get social anxiety, and I might get a little weird, but it's okay.
A.J. Holiday
Might start rapping. Might start freestyling. Weird ass I like to stick my.
Tam Bam
Hands under my armpits and smell like.
A.J. Holiday
Is not cool. All right. Okay. Just do what you want to do, man. Love who you love. If you're comfortable by yourself, stay there. This is my last, last. Stay comfortable by yourself. Do not listen to these like Umar Johnson, man. Because he don't got the answer, Sway.
Tam Bam
He. He do drop some gems every now and then, but when it comes to.
A.J. Holiday
It, be skewed when it comes to black women, man.
Tam Bam
Like saying that women aren't in the trenches and not we are. We are there for each other more than people like to give us credit for so continuing to be. I think it's the light in someone's life and being the light for your own self. Huh.
A.J. Holiday
I think it's entitlement. They feel entitled to black women.
Tam Bam
Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
So you don't really respect what you feel like is supposed to be given. We're not a given anymore.
Tam Bam
No, we. We aren't. But we do love them, and I believe they love us. We just need to get back to a healthy dynamic with each other.
A.J. Holiday
Absolutely. Yeah.
Tam Bam
All right, that's it. I'm done. I gotta go to work.
A.J. Holiday
If y'all enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect I Heart radio app. Oh, and this is our first episode of season five, My niggas.
Tam Bam
Yeah. Happy season five, aj.
A.J. Holiday
All right.
Tam Bam
Five years, y'all.
A.J. Holiday
Five. Okay. Is what we're going into.
Tam Bam
Yeah, man.
A.J. Holiday
Congratulations, y'all tune in every Thursday on the black effect iHeartradio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. Kick it. Oh, y'all follow Dasha, too. Dasha mink, mink. My cat. Dasha Mink, mink. D A S H A Mink mink.
Tam Bam
Go ahead, y'all. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram social media. I love y'all so much. If nobody loves y'all, Tam bam. Love y'all. But don't forget to love yourself most of all. Remember, speak now.
A.J. Holiday
I don't know.
Tam Bam
Speak now and be peaceful.
A.J. Holiday
Never hold your peace.
Tam Bam
No, Be peaceful.
A.J. Holiday
Speak now and never hold it.
Tam Bam
Deuces. Yeah.
A.J. Holiday
Bye. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Dylan Mulvaney
Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the coverage I need.
Tam Bam
Like 247 claims I'm on cloud nine.
A.J. Holiday
Clouds are wholly unable to support the weight of an adult human.
Dylan Mulvaney
What's happening?
A.J. Holiday
Furthermore, clouds are not numbered.
Dylan Mulvaney
Even if you procured a jetpack and.
A.J. Holiday
Searched, you'd find no cloud numbered nine. However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese.
Dylan Mulvaney
Geese who'd encourage you to leave your.
A.J. Holiday
247 GEICO motorcycle claims insurance behind, as they would take you in and even.
Dylan Mulvaney
Share their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion.
A.J. Holiday
That may occur from a clover cricket dinner. Geico expertise for your motorcycle.
Tam Bam
This is.
John Cameron Mitchell
John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled in the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism, spin class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.
A.J. Holiday
Karen, where have you brought us?
John Cameron Mitchell
Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Kevin Smith
Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.
Tam Bam
And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.
Kevin Smith
That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless d Ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast. Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one, and every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.
A.J. Holiday
It's a work in progress.
Kevin Smith
Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Harley Quinn Smith
Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?
John Cameron Mitchell
Ow.
A.J. Holiday
Go slower.
Harley Quinn Smith
From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person. Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
We Talk Back Podcast Episode Summary: "Hype Her Game Up!"
Release Date: January 23, 2025
Hosted by TamBam and AJ Holiday, the "We Talk Back" podcast dives deep into the complexities of modern femininity, relationships, and societal expectations. In the episode titled "Hype Her Game Up!", the hosts engage in an unfiltered and heartfelt conversation, addressing critical issues that Black women face in navigating the sea of men today. Here's a comprehensive breakdown of the episode's key discussions, insights, and conclusions.
The episode kicks off with TamBam and AJ sharing their weekend experiences, highlighting a common struggle: disconnecting from the incessant pull of social media. TamBam mentions her attempt to watch "Severance" on Apple TV but found herself constantly reverting to her phone, ultimately re-watching "Harlem" instead.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [03:53]: "I could not unplug from my phone to tune into the TV."
AJ echoes this sentiment, admitting to spending excessive time scrolling through social media over the past few days.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [04:24]: "I have really spent an excessive amount of time scrolling these last couple of days."
AJ opens up about her recent mammogram, emphasizing the importance of regular health check-ups. She candidly discusses her experience of reviewing her own results before a radiologist had a chance to, illustrating a proactive approach to personal health.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [07:05]: "These titties good."
TamBam raises concerns about AJ experiencing sharp pains in both breasts, leading to a light-hearted yet meaningful discussion about self-examination and health awareness.
A significant portion of the episode delves into the evolving role of Black men as providers. The hosts reference Cam Newton's revelation about feeling inadequate in providing for his eight children, challenging the traditional expectation that a man's worth is solely based on his ability to financially support his family.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [15:09]: "He said he's Superman, but really he's just a man."
AJ discusses the societal pressure on Black men to be providers and how the loss of this role can lead to feelings of resentment and stress.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [16:22]: "Are you now in a situation where your man is in competition with you?"
TamBam and AJ tackle the pressing issue of economic disparities between Black men and women. They highlight how Black women, often more educated and earning more, face challenges in finding partners who meet their financial expectations. This imbalance leads to difficult choices: dating outside their race, remaining single, or adjusting their financial standards.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [37:03]: "Why can't the men come up?"
AJ criticizes the expectation placed on Black men to elevate financially, noting that if every woman required financial stability, it would incentivize men to achieve it.
The hosts share personal anecdotes about their experiences with high-end matchmaking services. TamBam recounts her encounter with a millionaire matchmaking company that demanded a non-refundable fee of $10,000, prompting her to reject the offer in favor of organic relationships.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [45:23]: "I'm not paying $10,000. I'm definitely not paying $500."
AJ and TamBam contrast this with their preference for building relationships naturally, without the financial burdens imposed by such services.
A heated discussion arises around hypergamy—the tendency to seek partners with higher socio-economic status. AJ and TamBam debate Dr. Umar’s assertion that Black women are overly concerned with a man's financial standing, arguing that Black women are equally committed to supporting their partners' growth without expecting immediate financial prosperity.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [63:21]: "Black women will catch."
TamBam emphasizes that Black women are "in the trenches" alongside their partners, providing unwavering support rather than seeking financial gains.
The conversation shifts to the portrayal of Black women in reality TV, specifically referencing an episode of "Love and Hip Hop Miami." TamBam criticizes the show's depiction, arguing that it perpetuates harmful stereotypes and undermines the genuine efforts of Black women.
Notable Quote:
AJ Holiday [22:54]: "Flo sells skin brightening creams and stuff online as well."
TamBam shares her personal experiences with ex-boyfriends whose families did not approve of her, highlighting the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships amidst external judgment and biases.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [53:19]: "I prioritize that where even after we break up, the mama still be like, I want to hook you up with my doctor."
AJ adds that maintaining a good rapport with a partner's family is crucial but not always feasible, stressing the importance of mutual respect and support within the relationship.
The hosts address the signs of toxic relationships, advising listeners to recognize and exit unhealthy dynamics. They advocate for self-love and prioritizing one's well-being over maintaining detrimental partnerships.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [65:58]: "That's crazy. What the you so happy about?"
AJ and TamBam encourage listeners to seek relationships that uplift and support their personal growth, rather than drain their energy and happiness.
In a lighter segment, TamBam and AJ reminisce about past fashion trends, contrasting them with current styles they find less appealing. This discussion serves as a segue into broader societal observations about changing norms and personal preferences.
As Valentine's Day approaches, TamBam and AJ brainstorm creative and thoughtful gift ideas that emphasize meaningful gestures over expensive purchases. TamBam proposes creating personalized photo albums paired with practical gift cards, fostering a sense of connection and appreciation without financial strain.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [71:02]: "Make sure your gift that he's to gift you totals up the amount of money that you spent."
The episode concludes with TamBam and AJ reaffirming their commitment to empowering Black women, encouraging them to love themselves and seek relationships that honor their worth. They express hope for a paradigm shift within the community, fostering healthier dynamics between Black men and women.
Notable Quote:
TamBam [75:19]: "What makes us nothing. So continuing to be. I think it's the light in someone's life and being the light for your own self."
Final Thoughts
"Hype Her Game Up!" is a candid exploration of the multifaceted challenges and triumphs Black women encounter in their personal and relational lives. TamBam and AJ Holiday deliver a powerful narrative on self-love, economic empowerment, and the necessity for supportive and equitable relationships. Their unfiltered dialogue serves as both a mirror and a guide for listeners striving to navigate the complexities of modern femininity and partnership.
For more insightful conversations and empowering discussions, tune in to "We Talk Back" every Thursday on the Black Effect network via the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or your preferred podcast platform.