Never Hold Your Gay feat. Phillip Miller

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Never Hold Your Gay" featuring Phillip Miller

Podcast Information:

• Title: We Talk Back
• Host/Author: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Hosted by two unapologetically Black women, TamBam and AJ Holiday, "We Talk Back" navigates the complexities of femininity amidst discussions on sex, relationships, money, and personal growth. The podcast offers raw, unfiltered, and comedic repartee, providing thought-provoking conversations and non-professional guidance to its listeners.
• Episode: Never Hold Your Gay feat. Phillip Miller
• Release Date: August 14, 2025

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Introduction and Personal Anecdotes (00:00 - 03:30)

The episode begins with a brief advertisement from State Farm, emphasizing career development and community impact. Hosts AJ Holiday and Tam Bam warmly greet their audience, sharing snippets of their weekends. AJ mentions spending her weekend indoors due to heavy rain, while Tam Bam recounts a brief trip to Atlanta to avoid sitting idle.

Notable Quote:

• AJ Holiday (02:51): "Clarissa Shields is so innocent. Why did I hear she was a virgin up until she started with Papoose? Is that true?"

Pop Culture Discussions: Clarissa Shields and Busta Rhymes (03:30 - 08:07)

The hosts delve into sports and entertainment, specifically discussing Clarissa Shields' potential fight with the retired champion, Layla Ali. They express skepticism about the fairness and practicality of the matchup, highlighting age and training disparities.

Transitioning to entertainment news, Tam Bam and AJ address the assault lawsuit against rapper Busta Rhymes by his former assistant. They critique Busta's behavior and public persona, linking it to broader issues of accountability among Black men in entertainment.

Notable Quote:

• Tam Bam (03:30): "No one ever wanted to fight old ass guys back in the day. Now suddenly, you want to fight a woman 20 years older than you. It's crazy."

Incident at WNBA Game (12:23 - 14:58)

The conversation shifts to a bizarre incident at a WNBA game where a sex toy was thrown, injuring a 12-year-old girl. The hosts critique the individual's intentions, questioning how such actions went unnoticed by security.

Notable Quote:

• AJ Holiday (13:13): "Who pays for tickets to go to a game to do something this stupid?"

Introducing Guest Philip Miller (19:00 - 22:17)

Tam Bam introduces Phillip Miller, the CEO and owner of "Everybody Needs a Feel," a consulting company focused on fundraising and supporting nonprofits. They set the stage for a deep dive into discussions about being Black and gay, highlighting the relevance during Pride Month.

Notable Quote:

• Tam Bam (19:00): "We're talking all things gay and Black. We have a lot of questions and need answers, and there's nobody better to talk to than Phil."

Main Discussion: Black and Gay Identity (22:17 - 58:17)

Understanding LGBTQIA+ Terminology (22:24 - 41:03)

Phillip Miller educates the hosts on various terms within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, explaining the nuances between "gay," "queer," and "bisexual." The conversation emphasizes respect for individual identities and the importance of flexibility in self-identification.

Notable Quotes:

• Phillip Miller (39:43): "Queer is designed to be more vague in general. It allows a little bit more freedom and flexibility."
• Tam Bam (41:02): "I just try to wrap my mind around what exactly queer means so I can understand and respect it."

Challenges Faced by Black Gay Men (41:03 - 57:34)

The discussion delves into the societal challenges Black gay men encounter, including stereotypes and misconceptions. Phillip highlights the importance of community support and personal authenticity, sharing his experiences from the military and his journey to acceptance.

Notable Quotes:

• Phillip Miller (54:21): "I'm super Black first. I was born Black before I knew what gay was."
• AJ Holiday (56:19): "Why is car insurance so high? Yesterday's lady was like, 'You could do auto pay,' and I was like, 'No, I'm not that responsible.'"

Safe Spaces and Coming Out (58:17 - 73:38)

Phillip discusses the significance of safe spaces like Black barbershops for open dialogue and support among Black gay men. He shares personal anecdotes about coming out, the reactions from his family, and the importance of timing and self-confidence in the process.

Notable Quotes:

• Phillip Miller (62:02): "Don't rush it. Do it for yourself, not for the satisfaction of others."
• Tam Bam (65:13): "I was wearing hats and they accused me of being gay. My grandma would laugh behind my back."

Relationships and Integrity (73:38 - 78:36)

The hosts explore the dynamics of relationships involving Black gay men, addressing themes of honesty, integrity, and societal expectations. They discuss the stigma surrounding past relationships and the importance of transparency.

Notable Quotes:

• AJ Holiday (78:07): "Do something nice for someone instead of trying to go viral."
• Philip Miller (77:45): "If you're willing to support me, I'm ready for that. If not, move on."

Closing Remarks and Sponsor Message (78:36 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts engage in a light-hearted segment, taking a symbolic shot sponsored by Red Libre, a female Black-owned tequila brand. They reiterate their commitment to fostering open dialogue and encourage listeners to continue engaging with their content.

Notable Quote:

• Tam Bam (79:07): "Remember, speak now and never hold your gay. Bye."

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Key Takeaways:

• Intersectionality: The episode emphasizes the unique challenges and strengths of identifying as both Black and gay, highlighting the importance of embracing multiple facets of one's identity.
• Terminology and Respect: Understanding and respecting LGBTQIA+ terminology is crucial for fostering inclusive conversations and environments.
• Safe Spaces: Establishing and utilizing safe spaces, such as Black barbershops, can significantly support Black gay men in their personal and professional lives.
• Authenticity: Embracing one's true self and maintaining integrity in relationships and personal endeavors are central themes discussed by the hosts and their guest.
• Community Support: Building a supportive community is essential for personal growth and overcoming societal challenges.

Final Thoughts: "Never Hold Your Gay" offers an insightful exploration into the lives of Black gay men, blending personal anecdotes with broader societal discussions. Phillip Miller's contributions provide depth and perspective, fostering a meaningful conversation aimed at understanding and empowerment.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Carlos Miller]

Taking control of your career is empowering. Just don't tell my boss I said that. Building a career isn't just about a job. It's about creating a path that impacts our community and future generations. Whether you're starting out or making big moves, State Farm is here to support you with resources to help protect what you're working hard to achieve. They've got your back every step of the way. Because, like a good neighbor state forum is there. Find out [e-mail] welcome to We Talk.

[AJ Holiday]

Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'?

[Tam Bam]

All?

[AJ Holiday]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bamboo?

[Tam Bam]

Hey, y'. All. It's Tam Bam. I love y' all so very much. How you doing, girl?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm well. I'm alive, I'm breathing, feeling fine. I'm fine.

[Tam Bam]

How was your weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

I can't talk about it.

[Tam Bam]

Oh. Oh, that good, huh?

[AJ Holiday]

I had to go. It was raining off like a weekend child. I was in the house, okay. Laying down, doing what I like to do.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, so you were on your knees all weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

Shut up. I bought a big ass 30 pound box of oysters from the Restaurant Depot. So I made a whole bunch of Rockefellers. Oyster Rockefellers. I had a whole bunch of. Y' all know oysters is a super aphrodisiac.

[Tam Bam]

So you were on your knees all weekend? Got it.

[AJ Holiday]

Whatever. TMJ out of order.

[Tam Bam]

I went to. I went to Atlanta. I drove down to Atlanta on Saturday. It came right back on Sunday. Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

Turn and burn.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, just to hang out a little bit.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, just go outside.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, just to go. I was off, so I was like, I'm just gonna not sit around. I'm just gonna go somewhere. So I drove down there, hung out with one of my friends.

[AJ Holiday]

On your knees while you try to tell people. I'd be on my knees on the weekend. That's why I want to tell them what I'.

[Tam Bam]

No, actually, I was not on my knees. It wasn't that type of vibe.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, okay.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, let's get in this end.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl. So Clarissa Shields, y', all, I. I want to really like her because she is so innocent. She's so innocent. Why did I hear that she was a virgin up until she started with papoose? Is that true? Like a 30 year old virgin.

[Tam Bam]

No, that's not true. Because I watched when I Was on my way to London there. She has a movie about her. You know that.

[AJ Holiday]

No. Yeah. Huh.

[Tam Bam]

I watched it and I think she was getting hit in the movie. Oh, I can't remember though, because I was drinking so much. Huh.

[AJ Holiday]

Was it good?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, it was actually a good movie.

[AJ Holiday]

I remember when she was on the Breakfast Club promoting it, but I hadn't watched it, but apparently. Okay, so she had been soliciting a fight to Layla Ali. Now, Layla Ali has been retired for a long time now, but she's the champ. So I guess Clarissa wants to fight the champ, but do you think that would be a fair fight?

[Tam Bam]

When did all of a sudden fight old ass niggas become a thing? Like, that's some new shit. No one ever wanted to do that back in the day. You now all of a sudden you want to fight a woman 20 years older than you. It's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Yeah, it is crazy. Is she 20 years older?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because Clarissa is only 30, I believe, and Layla Ali is 47 years old.

[Tam Bam]

So damn near 20 years.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So I guess Clarissa asked about fighting her a while ago and somebody asked Leila about it, like on an interview, and she was like, if the money right, I might do it.

[Tam Bam]

No, she said 15 million.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So Clarissa allegedly went and got the 15 million and now Layla Ali is like, I'm not fighting. You know what I'm saying? Like, she would, like, Clarissa trains every day, I'm sure.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Layla Ali is 47. Have to hit the gym hard again like that and like, get ready for a fight. It would take her a year, I'm sure. Yeah, a mom, a wife.

[Tam Bam]

Like, girl, girl, get out my face.

[AJ Holiday]

Get.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

And she already scary.

[Tam Bam]

I would have went in that ring and let Clarissa hit me one time and hit the mat and got that 15, 15 million left, period.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, it'll make you like, no less the champ, Right. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

[Tam Bam]

At 47, we are you already stamped and approved at this point. Like, it just. I listen, I started boxing over last week. I took a boxing class. I really like it. I'm going back.

[AJ Holiday]

That should get your body together. We went to title fitness.

[Tam Bam]

No, I went to boxing. No, I went to Robinson Neal is a real boxing gym. So it was cool. Yeah, they wrapped my hands up. I didn't even know they was doing all, like, I didn't know all of that shit in tail in boxing.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you got to wrap your hands and then put it in the gloves. I used to do title box, and that is a good fucking workout. And my body was good for, I don't know, maybe three months. Stop doing that.

[Tam Bam]

Before we even started boxing, they had me in there doing all kind of calisthenics and like. Yes. I tell y', all, it's pouring sweat porn.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

That sounds real. I love it, though. So I'm going back this week.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, it's real, like, intense. Yeah, I've done kickboxing classes before. Bitch. No. Damn. Well, my leg heavy as hell. My legs so heavy like bricks. One thing I have never been able to do is a pull up. Like, that's really, like, goals in life for me. To be able to pull up my own body, let the zombie apocalypse hit, like, and I got to hang off a cliff. I'm dead early. If I got to hold on for dear life, I'm dying. Maybe the adrenaline might help me, but I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

I haven't done a pull up in a long time, so I'm pretty sure I can't do one right now. But I was in rotc, so we had to do pull ups.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

But, yeah, no, probably not now. My bottom, heavy as hell.

[AJ Holiday]

And I can never do the monkey bars. Like, going from the next one to the next one. I can never do it. No. I always been chunky. I never been able to lift my own body weight ever. Goals anyway. Clarissa, relax.

[Philip Miller]

Relax. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Layla Ali is, first of all, too fucking cute to be playing with you, right? Bitch, you don't give a fuck.

[Tam Bam]

Cuter later lately.

[AJ Holiday]

No, absolutely. She has been. I'll give her that now.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, she is.

[AJ Holiday]

She started talking, I'd be like, yeah. It's like all boxers have the same talk, though, from the men to the women. Like, I guess not. Layla Ali. Maybe she didn't get hit enough in her head. But, like, Clarissa sounds like Tank to me. Like, the way they articulate their words and stuff. Tink, the. The. The boxer.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know what you mean.

[AJ Holiday]

They sound slow, man.

[Tam Bam]

The next one, Busta Rhymes faces assault lawsuit from former.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't dismiss what I'm saying. I'm serious. I'm about to go.

[Tam Bam]

I ain't got time for it. I swear.

[AJ Holiday]

They do sound a little slow, and I think it's from getting hit in the head. Go ahead. God damn.

[Tam Bam]

Faces assault lawsuit for former assistant. So rapper Busta Rhymes is being sued by his ex assistant, who accuses him of physical assault, verbal abuse, and wage violations. Busta has dismissed the complaints as a smear campaign and is reportedly planning a countersuit.

[AJ Holiday]

I hear that. So I read this article A little bit, right? And Busta Rhymes, whose real name is. What is it? Trevor. Trevor something. He said, for a very brief period, Dashell assisted me. The guy who sued him is Dashell Gambles. He said, for a very brief period, Dashell assisted me. But it didn't work out. Apparently Dashell has decided to respond to being let go by manufacturing claims against me in an attempt to attack and damage my reputation. Girl, why the fuck I got Chelsea Boots all advertising to me on the Internet now? Like if I take a picture of my screen, like the Internet man gets on my nerves.

[Tam Bam]

I used to love bust around when he was. What? What was that? I feel like it was a Chris Brown sound where Buster Rhymes was on. Was it? Look at me now, look at me now. Oh yeah, I loved him during that time. But more recently when he's been like stroking the microphone like a dick with his tongue out and then they spray painted hair and stuff.

[AJ Holiday]

What did that guy say? That lady man, on that video I sent you, what did she call it? A butch what?

[Tam Bam]

A fembush queen?

[AJ Holiday]

Femme butch queen. That might be Busta Rhymes.

[Tam Bam]

I don't even know what that means.

[AJ Holiday]

Me either. But it sounds about right, that video.

[Tam Bam]

First of all, I could not translate that video. It's a lot of like gay people have a whole lot language that I just don't know what it means. Something about getting chopped coming out the bathroom and I'm like, I just don't know what that means. Is that a good thing? Do I want to get chopped? Cuz it sound like something I would like.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh yeah, I seen the person comment back and it's basically like a basket. You think, you think you look good, but then they like, bitch you look bad type thing. Like chop you. Like chop your esteem. I guess men do that to women too. Like imagine getting chopped soon as you. I'm thinking like shot when she. When he was saying that. Like shot.

[Tam Bam]

Or I'm thinking you get bit over and chopped down.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I like to get chopped.

[Tam Bam]

Now let's repurpose that.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, we used to say chop as kids. Like that. That was sex. Like y' all was chopping. Y' all didn't say that in Columbia.

[Tam Bam]

No, I wasn't talking. Definitely as a kid.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, shut up. In high school, you wasn't talking about sex. We was definitely chopping in high school. Definitely chopping and getting chopped. Okay. But yeah, Busta Rhyme said this man worked for him for a short period of time. What do y' all think that means? No Diddy shut Up, girl.

[Tam Bam]

So do, do you feel like every black man in entertainment is getting sued? Like it's a rite of passage?

[AJ Holiday]

It's not a rite of passage. But these niggas do be doing shit to get sued about. That's the thing. Don't give people the ammo. It's not like these allegations come out of nowhere. They have put people in positions to fuck them up.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Stop doing stuff. Stay l ass in the house. Get a wife. As much people like people. We always try to tie Jay Z to bullshit, but Jay Z keep his slate clean. I attribute that probably to him having a wife, stability, a family. You got a nigga like Diddy who just got a bunch of baby mamas and he just, he, he's the king of the castle and he does whatever it is that he, he wants to do. It's no structure, you know what I'm saying? Everybody's bowing down to him. Get y' all some. Get y' all a wife. I look at n sideways. Who's that old with no wife? What are y' all doing, right? What are y' all doing? Get your life together. And I mean, let's be honest, Busta Rhymes probably doesn't want a wife. Or does he have a wife?

[Tam Bam]

I don't think so. I can't imagine he was up there stroking that microphone like that with a wife. I can't imagine.

[AJ Holiday]

I'll be so embarrassed. I'm stick with him.

[Tam Bam]

I'mma stick beside him, so.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

So up next on the docket for Stupid Internet News, apparently fans. I don't call people fans when they're being mean. Like that's not a fan. They really hate you. So a 12 year old girl was struck by a sex toy thrown at a WNBA game in Brooklyn. Suspect sought by nypd. So it says. The NYPD Friday released a photo and a short video of a man wearing a Beavis and Butthead T shirt and an Ohio State cap at the New York Liberty Dallas Wings game last week at Barkley center in Brooklyn. Police say that during Tuesday's game, an unidentified individual threw an object which struck a 12 year old female victim in the right leg. Okay. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Why are y' all throwing dicks on the court? Like it's so stupid. People are dumb. It's just.

[AJ Holiday]

I just don't. I guess the shirt is fitting.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, right. That's why I said that. Beavis and Butt Head. As soon as you said that, I'm like this sound right?

[AJ Holiday]

Who pays for tickets to go to a game to do something this stupid. Like, how do y' all have the free time or the money to be idiots?

[Philip Miller]

How?

[Tam Bam]

Like, you really went out and bought a dick and brought it with you all the way to a game to throw it on the court?

[AJ Holiday]

Not brought a dick. Like, how did he even get in the building with that? He might have just had it on.

[Tam Bam]

But it ain't like it's gonna set an alarm off.

[AJ Holiday]

You might have just wore it.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Put it in his pants.

[AJ Holiday]

It's my dick in a box.

[Tam Bam]

Real dumb. I hope they like. Yeah. Make an example out of you.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. It says two men were arrested in connection with the incident in Georgia and Phoenix. Like, God, y' all travel the country to meet these. About these dicks. Like, what? What?

[Tam Bam]

How everybody. Like, everybody's trying to find a reason to go viral. That's what it is.

[AJ Holiday]

Do something nice for someone.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Or a lot of people. You know, I don't know, but NYPD said this is very reckless and unacceptable behavior from grown ass. Yeah. Because is not doing that. Black people are not throwing. Like, who the even taking a penis out the house.

[Philip Miller]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

Except for these studs.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

That's about it.

[AJ Holiday]

And they ain't about to throw their dick.

[Tam Bam]

No, they keeping their dick. That's they did. Ain't no games with them dicks, girl. Hold on.

[AJ Holiday]

I saw, I saw. What is this podcast? It's a podcast.

[Tam Bam]

All you got to do was mad.

[AJ Holiday]

No, he said he can't compete with.

[Tam Bam]

His thug because she can switch her dick out and he has.

[AJ Holiday]

No, no, no, no, no. So this guy. I mean, excuse me, this butch. She was basically saying like, a real. A real butcher is a virgin. Like, you can't have six kids and all of a sudden you a stud. Like, if you a stud, you gotta be a virgin. That was her. Like, she was like, I'm setting the rules now. And she's like a grown ass man. I was scared how you don't know.

[Tam Bam]

If you don't like dick. If you don't at least try it once.

[AJ Holiday]

Some people know they don't want to have sex with a man from birth, probably.

[Tam Bam]

Damn. That's crazy. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So she's saying that's what she was doing.

[Tam Bam]

If you don't.

[AJ Holiday]

If you let him once.

[Tam Bam]

How do you know?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I mean, that's how they be trying to turn women out. Don't knock it until you try. I done had so many dykes tell me that, like, I'm cool.

[Tam Bam]

I know, I know. It's not my thing, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Bye.

[Tam Bam]

Bitch. I'm cool.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I. I know how a woman head might feel. That's all you about to do. And throw some plastic on me. I'm cool with that. I'm good on that. Thank you.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Listen to this last one. Poison laced beef Wellington. It's a true crime dinner. So in Victoria, Australia, Aaron Patterson was found guilty of poisoning relatives who ate her beef Wellington packed with lethal mushrooms. The deaths of three family members and the survival of another point to a chilling premeditated murder through cooking saga. Aaron saying, y' all going up out of here, and I don't need no gun. As soon as I saw. I said beef Wellington, I knew these was white folks. If it would have said some ribs, I would have been like, oh, these is wild.

[AJ Holiday]

Beef Wellington. What does that all consist of? It's like vegetables and stuff.

[Tam Bam]

It's probably like some unseasoned beef wrapped in something else. What is that when you wrap the meat? Like, it's like seven different meats wrapped.

[AJ Holiday]

In me like a log.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Also, beef Wellington's, when you wrap it with like the. It's like dough on the outside. No. Are you wrapping this with another meat? No, it's like a. A crusted beef in the middle of something.

[Tam Bam]

No seasoning. I can't imagine that. Yeah, they put. No seasoning.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, it's wrapped in a pastry. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And she put mushrooms. She put some deadly mushrooms in that. She said, y' all ain't gonna talk shit to me no more. I'm killing everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

Had a policy on everybody. Y' all know white folks. White folks will take out whole family about some money.

[Tam Bam]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. They.

[Tam Bam]

They brothers. They always. I just always saw them as awful. And now they just painting them as victims now.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, they tried to, you know, they tried to say they were victims back then, but the way in which they went on living after both of their parents died, got murdered, it just was very suspect. But I don't doubt that they weren't abused. Like, they probably got tired of that. And now I just relieved and I'm gonna just live now. Going like, one of the brothers, he was like, I don't even. He had a boyfriend. He was like, I don't even really think I'm gay, but my daddy was abusing me, so I'm just confused.

[Tam Bam]

Damn it. Said all the way around, I thought.

[AJ Holiday]

They were trying to get them out.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I don't know. I know the Kardashians was on the job, so they might be out already.

[AJ Holiday]

Them dudes look like some demons. Those two they. They don't. They don't look good.

[Tam Bam]

I remember them from my childhood. I remember that name like there was big news when they kill their parents out on Kelly.

[AJ Holiday]

Yep.

[Tam Bam]

All right, girl. We got my dear friend Philip Miller on. He is the CEO and owner of Everybody Needs a Feel. And we're talking all things gay, all things gay and black. I mean, we have a lot of questions and I needed answers. And there's nobody better to talk to than Phil, so y' all stay tuned.

[AJ Holiday]

He's a sweetheart.

[Tam Bam]

We'll be right back.

[Carlos Miller]

Hey, fam. This is Carlos Miller from the 85 South Show. If you're like me, you're always thinking about how to level up your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just starting in your field, or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn, and. And to build something that lasts. State Farm understands that early career development is key to long term success. They've been a steady presence in our community, and they know having the right support early can make all the difference. State Farm is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know that the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint. It's all about staying focused, staying grounded, and making sure you're protected every step of the way. Let's build our careers with confidence, knowing that State Farm is there to support us. And just like they've always been. Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out more@state farm.com.

[Philip Miller]

As like his signature jeans.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, he got it.

[Tam Bam]

He wearing.

[Philip Miller]

Every time you see him, he gonna have on them dark blue jeans and.

[Tam Bam]

Black hoopa in this. I gotta. Let me go get.

[Philip Miller]

First of all, pack it up.

[AJ Holiday]

It don't look crazy sitting there.

[Philip Miller]

It doesn't look crazy. Well, when you keep pulling it up like that.

[Tam Bam]

Just let it slide.

[Philip Miller]

Keep rolling, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Pull your dick up.

[Philip Miller]

Like, what is wrong with her? She's got so much.

[AJ Holiday]

But I saw this experiment online one time where they did like a germ test on the crotch area of a pair of men jeans. And it was so much bacteria.

[Philip Miller]

I can believe it in that area.

[AJ Holiday]

Because for whatever reason, people take their jeans off and hang them up, which.

[Philip Miller]

Is crazy to me.

[AJ Holiday]

And don't watch diabolical.

[Philip Miller]

Like, who raised you people?

[AJ Holiday]

I guess they're gonna wear them five times, then put them in a cleaner.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. No, that you think these men are going to the cleaners is crazy. Okay. You think these men know where our cleaners is? No, they don't know where the cleaners. Okay. Yes. Because that's your men. You know what I'm saying? There's a bar. These not going to cleaners. They're going to the washing machine in their house if. Yeah, and they're probably still using powders and not using liquid shaking that. Just shaking that. Wore five times.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you whack if you use powder?

[Tam Bam]

I still would. I will use a powder.

[AJ Holiday]

The liquid be staining your clothes. Sometimes I use that. Now, I do use, like, the colorless stuff, like the top.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Free and clear.

[Philip Miller]

Yes. You know, I do use that.

[Tam Bam]

All right, let's start the episode. Talk about some different.

[AJ Holiday]

Talk about wash the clothes.

[Tam Bam]

We got Philip on to talk about detergent. Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Put the tide in the window.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah. That was a swingers thing in England. You would put the tide in the window to let people know.

[Philip Miller]

Pineapple thing is kind of the same.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, kind of the same thing.

[Philip Miller]

Make sure my tide is not in my laundry. Right. Everybody banging on the door, hey, nice to meet you.

[Tam Bam]

How's it going on over here?

[Philip Miller]

Leave me alone.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so go ahead, start it off.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I don't have an intro. This is your homeboy.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, shit. I don't do this part. All right. Miller, right? Yeah, Philip Miller. I don't want to just be like, hey, he gave y', all, like, so hold on. I need an intro. All right, Give me, like, your job.

[Philip Miller]

So I'm Philip Miller, and I have a consulting company called Everybody Needs a Fill. I help with fundraising and help with nonprofits. My slogan is I. I help small nonprofits become big nonprofits.

[AJ Holiday]

Nice.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah. So listen, he did it. I ain't even got to give him an insurance.

[AJ Holiday]

Everybody needs a feel.

[Tam Bam]

Everybody needs a feel, and it's very successful. Like, I saw you on the news. Like, you was on something, right? Yeah.

[Philip Miller]

What's the other day?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, it was on the news. I was like, that's my friend, y'.

[Philip Miller]

All. Young, black, and shout out to my friend Zay. He helped me come with the name. So thank you for that, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

Fundraising is a real skill, like being able to get money out of people when they don't want to give you money is a whole skill. My homegirl text me in the group chat right now trying to get us to give $50 for a raffle for a golf cart.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, right, right. You got to connect people with what their. What their heart is really desiring to do. You know? Right, okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Pay for a garage.

[Tam Bam]

Right. I would sell it, though. You could win it and sell it.

[AJ Holiday]

Possibly. What if I don't win and I'm just out of $50?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's how rappers work.

[AJ Holiday]

I did not respond in the group.

[Tam Bam]

But listen, I see Phillip. I'll FaceTime Philip on a random afternoon, and he'll be on a golf course. He's like, yeah, I'm trying to get this money. I'm gonna have to call you back. I'm like, on a golf course. I love that.

[Philip Miller]

Yes. Sometimes you got to go where the people are and just have a good conversation. It's really about connecting people to what mission they want to support and how they want to show up in their community. You know, is your friend kind of just trying to force you into something else? Like, that's not really what you want to do. Like, you got to really connect to what people's heart. Like, if you support kids or you support, you know, homelessness or like low income families, like whatever you want to get connected to. That's what my job is, to find the people with the money to connect them to the cause.

[Tam Bam]

Well, we got a cause called we talk back.

[Philip Miller]

Can you connect? Okay, that's a for profit.

[AJ Holiday]

I do non profit, non profits. I'm about to make me a 501C3. I have. I want to do. Let me. I can't say it because I don't want nobody steal my idea, but, you know, like, I'm not a pro life person or pro choice. I'm just anti struggle. Right. So whatever makes sense for you at the time, babe, please. Okay, so I would like to have like a facility, a home or something. Because in Charleston, it used to be a place like this where girls, young girls that they got pregnant, you know, you want your child, you could go. Still go to school. Like a facility, Like a house. Like housing. I would like to do something like that.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. That's beautiful.

[AJ Holiday]

Mommy's house.

[Tam Bam]

Mommy's house. That's what you want to call it? That's cute. Cute. And like, what, you gonna have like.

[AJ Holiday]

Some little ghost tomorrow.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. Right.

[Tam Bam]

At least before. Before the next four weeks. All right, so we invited Phil on. All right.

[Philip Miller]

Because I'm a homosexual.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[Philip Miller]

That's why they invited me.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. I wasn't gonna say it like that, but that is why he's a gay.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Literally texted a gay.

[Philip Miller]

I mean, you know, you talking about Brian. Okay, who gay?

[Tam Bam]

I'm not gay.

[Philip Miller]

Who gay?

[Tam Bam]

So. All right. We wanted him on for Pride Month. But Phil is very, very booked and busy. He'd be all over the country, so it was hard to get him on during Pride. So I'm glad you made time. Thank you. Thank you for us that we talk back today, and we do want to talk about being black and gay.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And it's sensitive. It's probably more sensitive for you, obviously, but it's sensitive for me because I'm always afraid of saying something wrong or asking, like, how white people want to know about black people, and they'd be, like, scared to ask the question because they don't want to say the wrong thing.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

So that's how I feel. Like, even when I text her as, like, the gays are locked in, she was like, don't say it. Like, don't say it like that.

[AJ Holiday]

I just literally sent back the gays.

[Tam Bam]

Well, I didn't mean it in an offensive way, you know, I just meant, like. But I. When I think about. Yeah, I think it, like, I think about when I speak to it, I think about, like, how if a white person was talking about the blacks are locked in.

[Philip Miller]

Right. And it's like, yeah, like, what I mean, I think it's good to have a safe space in general where you can talk openly to your friends about things, not have to worry about the politics of it. You know, like, sometimes we're so worried about the policy, we don't ask the hard question and then really get an understanding. So it's like, I'd rather you ask it in the wrong way to a friend than go out and say the wrong thing to, like, a population, Especially with you doing a platform and all that you guys do. I'd rather be, like, a source of information versus, like, you know, had a.

[AJ Holiday]

Few people try to come for us. It's like, even. We don't even be saying nothing crazy.

[Tam Bam]

For real.

[AJ Holiday]

It's like, you can't say shit, like. And I'm gonna say what the fuck I want.

[Tam Bam]

Right. But I'm never disrespectful and never trying to offend. You know, there's never to go. We all. We. It's a loving space here, but sometimes we do offend. I remember one time. This is all right, y'. All. I'm just gonna. I'm not gonna say the actual word because. All right, back in the 90s and the early 2000s or 90s, especially the F word.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Was not as, like, we would say it, like, as a joke to each other.

[AJ Holiday]

To a heterosexual person.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, to a heterosexual person. So I did. Yeah, So I didn't know that it was an offensive word, you know?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So I. I was using it toward gay men, but I didn't know that it was a slur.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

So I was in Atlanta and they.

[Philip Miller]

Gonna get you together?

[Tam Bam]

Oh, did they? So I was like, oh, it's a lot of F's out here. Right? Because it was a lot. And it was at the gas station. It was nothing but a bunch. I said that, but I didn't think it was. I. I didn't. Very loud. Very loud. And I didn't. I didn't mean it. Yeah, but they let me know very quickly that I was out of line.

[AJ Holiday]

But they can use it, though. It's like the N word, right?

[Philip Miller]

I mean, still, I think, like, it's not like widely used, like, even inside of our community. I don't hear a lot of people use it on a day to day basis. I mean, you hear it on like certain shows or different things, but like, on the day to day, like going through life. I don't really hear people use it like. Like how you was here. People said an N word. You don't hear people say the F word like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting. I didn't know that. I thought they did. Okay, so how about punk?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, I use punk on a daily basis. Yeah, we be saying, yeah, I'm likely to call somebody up. I'm like, oh, like, wow.

[Tam Bam]

Well, they called me. All right, so this. They was like calling. They was like, fish. They called me fish.

[Philip Miller]

What that meant out of line? No, we call girls fish. It's. It's generally a term. Like, it's just like a fish is a woman, so. So they just go hand in hand. I don't know the whole backstory of where it came from or anything, but.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but is that about our vaginas?

[Philip Miller]

I would assume so.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm a mermaid.

[Philip Miller]

But I don't know. I just have heard it my whole, like, gay life that, you know, they just call the girls fish. Like. Yeah, she the fish. She the trade, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

But how about somebody like, oh, he giving fish. Like, that's like a compliment, right?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, he's giving woman.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, oh, okay.

[Philip Miller]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, you know, well, they said it was what they said in front of the fish. I wasn't. I wasn't offended by fish because I didn't know what it mean. I enjoy fish. I fried, you know, However, I enjoy fish. But it's like, we gonna beat your ass, fish. That's what they said. So I had to.

[Philip Miller]

They would Say they gonna beat your ass.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Where were you at Atlanta at the Quick Trip.

[Philip Miller]

At the Quick Trip. Y' all got to get it right. At the Quick Trip at Atlanta Stop.

[Tam Bam]

But I learned very quickly that that was a slur, you know? And then I got myself together. I never said it again.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, if we tell.

[AJ Holiday]

Tell another woman. Girl, let's give him fish.

[Philip Miller]

Like, disrespect.

[AJ Holiday]

You need to get your goddamn insurance card out right?

[Tam Bam]

And go to the doctor. Your. Your balance is on.

[Philip Miller]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Philip Miller]

You get the face.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, so that's a good thing if they like you. Okay. But it's a bad thing if they.

[Philip Miller]

Say beat your ass is like, your girl.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

All right.

[Philip Miller]

But if it's. Anytime anything beat your ass, anything you say after that is bad. So they could have said, like, I'mma beat your ass, beautiful queen. Still get the. It's still time to lead a Quick Trip, right? Right.

[Tam Bam]

I knew it was time to go.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. This is why I drive electric. So I don't have to go to the Quick Trip anymore. Okay. Got you. No more cutesy for me.

[AJ Holiday]

Not new for the ice.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. What icer.

[AJ Holiday]

So, Dave, your sister can meet me at the Quick Trip.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, so you can get ice. Retarded. All right, so. Oh, I said I apologize for that word, girl.

[Philip Miller]

We can see that because Trump is president. I saw the episode.

[Tam Bam]

I don't mean it like that. Guys, I don't want no problems, all right? You had a very particular question for Philip, and I would like to start there.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay? So I had one of my Instagram friends, guy.

[Philip Miller]

Oh, boy.

[AJ Holiday]

I saw him comment on this. It was like a cookout or like a concert or something. It was all gay men.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, and that fine ass dude. He played in the wizard of Oz, and he's the scarecrow.

[AJ Holiday]

Everybody was fine.

[Tam Bam]

And he can sing. What's his name? Oh, my God. Who? I'm talking about, y'. All. He's gay. He can sing. And he played the. In the wizard in the comments. He's gay.

[Philip Miller]

He's gay. He can sing. Every church director.

[Tam Bam]

I'm. All right. Ask your question. I'm gonna find his name.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So, yeah, it was a video with a bunch of beautiful black men, but they were clearly all gay because there's no women in the video. And it was a guy singing on the mic, whatever. Singing on the mic. Anyway, so I saw, you know, there was a whole plethora of feels and comments under the post and a common theme. And I know we kind of talked about this before we started recording, y' all said y' all had never seen this, but this is actually I saw a person that I know personally comment and say, you know, and black women stay hanging with them niggas, you know, like, and then I've also seen like black women, single mothers. Right. We are responsible. I'm not a single mom and I won't be a single mom, but single mothers are single handedly responsible for gay black men existing. And also, you know, just anything bad in our community is anything anybody perceives bad in our community. And not to say that being gay is bad. That's not what I'm saying. But obviously the people who feel this.

[Philip Miller]

Way have that perception.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I think it's just such a. It's such a misspoken perception because black women have historically held up black men through so many different things. You know, like, yeah, as a culture, hud up the culture. How do the people help lead so many initiatives? It's just we can't focus on the ignorance of other people. Right. Like, if that's how you feel, feel that quietly in your corner because like, no one cares and you're probably like not doing too much in your space as is. But for the rest of us living in life, those of us living in the real world, like, I come from a powerful black black woman and I come from a household that is a mother and father together. My parents have been married since 18 years old. Okay. So to think that, oh, single moms are black women make gay kids. My brother is not gay at all. And like, we grew up in the same house, in the same love, in the same light. Grew up in the church. The whole thing had nothing to do with my sexuality. And many of my friends have married parents that are black, strong families. And the mom doesn't make the person gay. Like, that's just how life works out. I know some people that have single moms and they are straight. I know people that have single moms and they are gay. How is that a variable? Like, what statistic did you base that off of?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. And nobody ever. I don't know, I don't base it off anything.

[Philip Miller]

Right. No, I'm saying from the Conversation Chat. Yeah, Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

I just. I just don't know. And then, you know, nobody ever says anything about the absent parent. Right? The superstar.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

The absent parent doesn't get blamed for anything. There's no accountability when it comes. And it's still the man, right?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

The man doesn't have to take accountability for anything. Because first of all, everybody comes out the bottom of a man's nuts first. Okay, we got a problem with a gay man. He came out of your balls.

[Tam Bam]

Well, wait, but.

[AJ Holiday]

Ask your balls about it.

[Tam Bam]

But. All right, so wait, because I thought we were in our grandmother's womb before we were ever in our mothers.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, all right, you're talking about. So that's a mitochondrial DNA which is transferred through all of us, through. Through the female, through the woman. Right. But just like a man can't come in a sock and create a baby, Right? So they have to put the baby in us to cultivate it. And then some of us, some of what we are, who we are, does imprint on the child too. You see what I'm saying? But that is like, I feel like maybe we should just leave the kids with the man.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I just think we should focus less on that and focus more on, like, why is it that somebody has to be blamed for somebody's decision to be.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Philip Miller]

To be gay or somebody's lifestyle that leads them to be gay? Like, just because of who. That. Whoever's in those comments saying those things, like, well, what about you and what decisions? Is it your mom's fault that you made a poor decision at some point? If you're looking at it from that negative mindset, like, if you've been to jail, is that also your mom's fault? Like, how does that, how does that all make sense? I just don't get the. The line that because my mother did this, now this happens. Like, how about we go to therapy and you do your work on yourself? I understand you because you're focused so much on, like this negative light on the black gay man. But, like, what about working on yourself? Then you would have less time to worry about what the hell I got going on over here. All right, we prefer that you go to therapy and work on yourself. Mission number one.

[Tam Bam]

Amen to that. But can I be.

[AJ Holiday]

I.

[Tam Bam]

Can I be completely honest?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So when I saw that video and I saw all those fine ass black men and I knew none of them wanted to fuck me, I was sad. Like, there's a part of me that did get sad. Like, that one of them might have been my husband, but now none of.

[AJ Holiday]

Them could be your husband.

[Philip Miller]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Your husband is still out there. Like, there's still more men than those men in the video.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but can you understand, like, where I be? Like, feel like away.

[Philip Miller]

Like, damn, why can't we have firemen as well? Like, I can't have a fine Ass husband, too.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, yes, I get it, but I. You get what I'm saying?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, not jealous in that way. Like, I just feel like two. Two men. Like, the money is crazy in the house. Like, two successful.

[Philip Miller]

People, dual income households is definitely where it's at.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like working in tech.

[Tam Bam]

Two. Two men working in tech. Yeah.

[Philip Miller]

You're doing all right. Yeah, the household is good.

[AJ Holiday]

I had a thousand.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. No kids. Maybe just one. You know, like. Yeah, yeah, we doing all right.

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe that's why the niggas jealous.

[Philip Miller]

I don't know. Okay. Right. I mean, but like, statistically, there's. There's a small portion of, like, gay men or gay people in the world. When you look at, like, the straight ratio versus the gay ratio. So it's like, yeah, we did. We're all together in one space often because that. We have to find a space that can reflect us because otherwise we spend all day in, like, a heteronormative world.

[AJ Holiday]

So you think it's still like that even today?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, I went to work this week, but all week it was just me. Okay. Yeah. You know, like, I think that when you look. When you really look at the bigger numbers, like, I'm a statistics data person. That's kind of like from my career. So when you look at raw numbers, like, there's just. There's millions more heterosexual people than there are gay people. So when you see us, we find each other. That's why we have pride. That's how we go out and do these different things.

[AJ Holiday]

Millions of people there, though.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. Because we all go.

[AJ Holiday]

It's like a concentrated.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, it's concentrated. So you see it as like, oh, there's all these people. But it's like, it's a. It's. It's a call to action because we have to stick together because it's a smaller amount of us. So we are still a very much a minority.

[AJ Holiday]

I gotta look at this as the stats on that because I just feel like everybody is, like, queer. Not everybody.

[Tam Bam]

Well, what does that even mean? Because what's gay? I like, it's a lot of letters. I don't know all of them.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, so, yeah, there are a lot of letters. It really is lgbtqia.

[Tam Bam]

So what is the. What is the difference between gay and queer?

[Philip Miller]

Just the way that people prefer to identify. So some people may not want to identify as gay as being a person who is. Who is just gay, or they may be queer and have some more fluidity. So it just allows you a little bit more flexibility in how you decide that you want to identify? I identify as a gay black man. I used to identify as a bi black man. Shout out to my ex girlfriend, nice to see you. But. But, you know, over time, you know, you can choose your representation of yourself, you know, so that's really what all the letters are for, is that you finding which space you feel most comfortable and queer just usually fits more of like an umbrella.

[Tam Bam]

So then what does bi mean? You like, so what's the difference between by. All right, so. All right, hold on now.

[AJ Holiday]

It's just what they want to go by. So some people just like the word queer. It sounds fun, I guess.

[Tam Bam]

So it's just, just word play.

[Philip Miller]

It's, it's selection. Like if you're given in life, you're given options, right? Like, why do we have to fit ourselves into some norm to make other people uncomfortable? Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean that you don't have to. Just allow them to let them live in their lives. Like, I don't identify as queer, but if you tell me that you're queer, okay, great. Like, now I respect you as that. If you tell me that you're a woman, I'm going to respect you as that.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[Philip Miller]

So it's, it's just simply have a general respect for people, however they want to identify, show up in the world. That's their business.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Like, you know, okay.

[Tam Bam]

All right. So I, I'm just, I'm. I guess I'm old. I'm an older millennial. So, like, I just try to, like, wrap my mind around what exactly. Because I, I know what gay is. I know what, I know what a man is, I know what a woman is. But when I hear queer, it sounds like it don't have, like a real identity for me. So I'm trying to, like, understand it so I can know what it is. But whenever I ask, it's still, like, so vague.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, I think it's designed to be more vague in general. I think that's the premise of queer is that it allows a little bit more freedom and flexibility in that space. Because if I'm like, let's say that I'm. I started out as a straight man, and now I've decided I'm going to experiment with guys and identify as a gay man. Like, as in dating women. It's hard to go back from that. Once you say, like, on a platform, like, oh, I'm a gay man, it's a rap for you. You're like, you know, it's like, you are not getting that it's never happened, you know, so it's like, it gives you a little bit more flexibility to, like, to explore is what I always feel.

[Tam Bam]

So do you feel like women can go back and forth, but men are not allowed to?

[Philip Miller]

I mean, yeah, I think that's a conversation that people have had so many times. Like, women. We always talk about women in college and how they were able to experiment, and they go back and they're married and have three kids and they're happily ever after. Right. As a man, it's different, you know? And if you think about your own life and scenarios, it's like, are you gonna date the man who tells you that? Hey, I had a phase in college and I experimented. Are you open to that, or are you not open to that? Like, what would y' all perspective be?

[Tam Bam]

I wouldn't be open to that, honestly.

[Philip Miller]

Would you be up.

[AJ Holiday]

I wouldn't be open to that because I think there is a certain mindset. Right. That may not align with mine. I'm not that flexible. Okay. So I just feel like.

[Philip Miller]

But he's not that anymore. He just. He just tried it. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Come back, Come back.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

That's what I'm saying. That's why I don't want to compete with men and women. And it'll always, like, we go out and I'm looking at a fine. I'm looking at my. To see if he looking at that too. I ain't got time. That's too much stress.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And unless, I guess. Unless you're a queer woman. Right. Because that's. And the thing is, is that black man, you can get whatever type of woman you want. Right. You could be honest with yourself first. That's where it starts. And then you can find whatever type of woman that's okay with however you are presenting. Yeah, right. I had a conversation with one of my friend's friend. He does. I don't think he even considers himself gay. He is attracted to women because he actually asked me if I wanted to have a baby with him. And I'm like, what? He actually has.

[Tam Bam]

He'll have asked me for some before y'. All. So I don't know, like. And I still want something.

[Philip Miller]

You got it. Okay. Okay. And I still want a little piece to be ready. Okay. Pack it up for me later. But. Okay. Pack him, Silvery. Later. She got.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all so silly.

[Philip Miller]

Your friend was not.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, he.

[Philip Miller]

But he was asking you for a baby.

[AJ Holiday]

And he's a big guy, too. He does hear. Nice looking man though. And he's not like he, he always says, like, I'm so glad I'm not like gay gay. Like, like I'm so glad I'm not a punk, you know, because it's just different. It's levels to this level. So he's more so attracted to masculinity. I don't know what he sees in me maybe, I don't know. So he says he's attracted to masculinity. Not really necessarily man or woman. Like it could be in a man or a woman. But we had a hard down conversation the first day I met him about why it's not. He was saying it's not important for a woman to know if a man has slept with another man before. And I'm like, yes, the fuck it is. First of all, if I ask you anything, you should be honest with me. Right. If you feel like you gotta lie about that, there's a problem.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. But society makes a culture where it's where people feel that they have to lie about those things because you're not going to find acceptance in most people. So I think that's why a lot of people are.

[AJ Holiday]

But I won't sleep.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, well that's.

[Tam Bam]

And well, yeah, that's the problem because he wants you to sleep, he wants to date.

[Philip Miller]

Don't want to sedate you.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So now we back to just men being men and just not having integrity and lying to get the draws. Like just tell the truth and then you'll find somebody who's okay with that truth.

[Philip Miller]

Right. I think that's you taking away my accurate. I just think people should be able to have a little more flexibility, understanding of people. Like understand that people have had a lived experience. But then maybe that has evolved over time and now this is where I am and you know, meet him there if you can. But you know, I think in general, I think that people have so many cutoffs for people as to why not to deal with them. It's like that's why everybody's single and that's why no one's getting married anymore. That's why all this is going on. Because everything is a reason to get rid of them. And anything a straight man does, he's gay. Like I don't. I swear, today's society. That man with a hot dog, damn, that can't go to Costco.

[Tam Bam]

He can't even have a hot dog. This man can't go to Costco smoking hookah.

[Philip Miller]

Like anything a man does is automatically gay. That is so weird.

[AJ Holiday]

Doing that, though. I don't say everything man does is gay. I see men doing that.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I think it's mostly men that, like, you know, create.

[Philip Miller]

No, my content must be different than.

[Tam Bam]

Y' alls because it's women.

[Philip Miller]

Women doing saying like, oh, that's gay.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. There is some of that too.

[AJ Holiday]

It might be a mix, right?

[Philip Miller]

It might be a mix, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

But it's not. I. I just. I just hate when people just be trying to act like women are the only ones doing some.

[Philip Miller]

No, it's definitely not only women. It's a societal. Yeah, yeah, it's a deeper issue.

[Tam Bam]

And honestly, people just are added to that list as a joke.

[Carlos Miller]

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[AJ Holiday]

If a woman asks a man, hey, have you been with a man before? Do you think that's something that she needs to know or do you feel like it's none of her business and he doesn't really have to.

[Philip Miller]

Nah. I think if someone is asking you anything in transparency, you should be transparent. Like when I came out, I came out as bi. And then when I dated girls at that time, I would like, if they asked me any kind of question like that, I would own up to it. I would say, yeah, I've actually like, you know, I've been with a guy, I've done a thing or two and most of the time that would be the end of the. It's like, dang, Bye. So nice to meet you.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, dang.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, it would wrap it up, you know, but from time to time, you'd come on a girl who would be like, okay, tell me more. Have more conversation. And then that was a better situation. Better situation for me. But, you know, I lived in Atlanta for a while, and then I feel like girls would approach and even know. Like, I feel like I present as more of a gay man now. And they would approach and be like, oh, that's cool. I date. Bye, guys. They would kind of come more forward with it, like, oh, I date my guys. I'm trying to. I'm trying to holler. And I'm like, okay, well, all right, let's go to dinner.

[Tam Bam]

I guess.

[AJ Holiday]

I've seen a lot of women. I've seen black women say that they prefer bisexual men. And I don't know if it's like, an emotional thing. Like, you know, gay men are probably tapped into their femininity a little bit more. A little bit more emotional, sensitive, and maybe that. Maybe those women want a little bit more femininity but still want a man.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. A little more understanding, too. Like a person who understands more about where you've been, where your. Where your storyline is kind of. They've had experience on both sides, so can tap in a little. A little bit different, but, you know, to each their own, I guess.

[Tam Bam]

Would you date a man who's bisexual?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

It wouldn't make a difference to you?

[Philip Miller]

Nope. Wouldn't make a difference to me at all. I just feel like, for me, I'm already on the. The further side. Like, it's harder for them to be able to voice. Yeah. So it's like. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

You know, so is there any, like, boundaries, like. Trent, like, are that. What are your boundaries when it comes to dating, or is it just about the individual for you?

[Philip Miller]

Well, I would say I'm more. I don't know. I've never been approached by anybody that was trans to know that if that would be something I would even consider. I think, like, the. My usual type has been more of like a. Like an open man. Like, I don't like to date, like, the DL, discreet. Like, that's not really what I'm looking for. I like a man who knows that he likes men, and I'm okay with that.

[Tam Bam]

Openly likes men. Have you. Have you ever dealt with a man who was like. Because, I mean, you don't want to, like.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Have you? Because you don't want to force somebody to, like, out them, you know?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to force anybody out of the closet.

[AJ Holiday]

Weaponize being gay sometimes, like, some Gay guys might weaponize it.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah.

[Philip Miller]

Somebody hate when people do that. Like, people gave you the space to come through, to come find your voice at some point. Like, let other people have the space to do that. And if you're not, if they can't do that with you, then don't deal with them. Like, you're making a choice to deal with them. Now you want to out them.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Philip Miller]

It's like, that's, that's childish. Like, grow up. Yeah. So, I mean, but I've never been in a space where I felt like I had to out a man or I was going to deal with a man and then he. I've dealt. I've. I. In my younger days, you know what I'm saying? Like, I've been with some deal guys. Like, I'm not avoiding that. It's definitely a thing of attraction. Like, oh, he's super masculine. Like, you know, he's a man. Nobody would ever know. Like, it's a certain attraction that comes to that. Like, the hyper masculinity. But I'm not pushing that man out of the closet. That's that man. Man's business. Right.

[Tam Bam]

And that's dangerous to do that to someone, honestly. Right?

[Philip Miller]

No, definitely, definitely dangerous. I just try not to mess with. Like, I've always had a standard. Like, I'm not messing with married people. If you're married to a man or a woman, like, that's just a line I'm never willing to. To cross. Like, I'm not sleeping with anybody's husband ever in life.

[Tam Bam]

What about their wife?

[Philip Miller]

Or their wife. You know, it's been so long since I've been with a girl. I was like, I forgot. I gotta put them in the mix. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

All right, hold on. I got another question. Hold on.

[Philip Miller]

Okay, pause. Okay, let me find.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, Fan.

[Philip Miller]

Fan Face Edit.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, we. We can take all of this out.

[Philip Miller]

This little break. Okay. Help a out. You know, I'm hot.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

I don't think I say anything crazy yet, but you'll send it to me before post it?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in the workspace, do you feel like you have to, like, like, tone down your likeness Gayness? I don't know how to.

[Philip Miller]

Your identity, I guess. Yeah, No, I can honestly say, like, for the spaces that I've worked in, I've been able to be 100 authentically myself. Even when I did time, I was in the military as well.

[Tam Bam]

When you did time.

[Philip Miller]

When I did time in the military, yeah. When I did six years in the Air Force, I really was in a place where I was very supported, you know, And I was able to, like, like, be awarded for my work and recognized. And I was openly and outwardly gay.

[Tam Bam]

Cause the military was like a kind of like, don't ask, don't tell for a long time. Right?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I came in, like, right after the don't ask, don't tell thing was repealed in the uniform. Yes. Because we should be able to, like, you should be able to be yourself. It's like, if I'm willing to serve my country, why does my sexuality have to do with that?

[Tam Bam]

But here's the thing. You can be gay, but you can't have eyelashes. That's crazy, right? You can't. Like, they just had passed a new law that you can't have no eyelashes.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, fake eyelashes.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

You wouldn't be able to get in the Air Force.

[Philip Miller]

Why?

[AJ Holiday]

Because.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, a lot of that is more.

[AJ Holiday]

There with them big. That's just.

[Philip Miller]

A lot of it is more or less about, like, the aesthetic and more about, like, the gear, you know, like, if you're. If you deploy or something and you have these. These things on. It's not. It's not okay. Even like, when we deploy, I can't have this. I can't have my beard. It has to all be shaved off because your gas mask won't stop.

[AJ Holiday]

Girls is in there with them. Big ass.

[Philip Miller]

Hey, yeah, y'. All. Glad your goggles are gonna be scraping. It's not gonna work.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. Nice. It's like, safety.

[Philip Miller]

It's safety, you know, but also, like, the military, for historically, has had a long lineage of, like, these are standard how you're going to appear. There's a lot of appearance guidelines. So it's like, you know, so it's.

[Tam Bam]

Not the same thing, basically.

[Philip Miller]

It's not the same thing.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Not in my book, but I'm sure other people that are in that space and living that experience today may feel differently, but for me, that's how I felt.

[AJ Holiday]

Have you ever felt like you had to, like, choose between being black and gay?

[Philip Miller]

No, I'm. I'm super black. Like, I'm black first. Like, in my mind, like, I was born black. I came in before I ever knew what gay was. I was black. So, like, I'm a black man, and nobody can flex me on that ever. But I just also am a gay man. Like, it's just. These are. It's a full sentence. Like, why do I have to pick a side? For what? For who? For society. Y' all can't even figure Out y' all bill schedule. Do you want me to get all your. Okay. Correct.

[AJ Holiday]

Why is car insurance so high? And I'm on the phone. Yesterday's lady was like, well, you could do auto pay and it'll take. No, I'm not that responsible.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I let them auto pay everything because I'm not. I'm responsible. Not responsible enough to remember. Yeah. So I just let them take their money until.

[Philip Miller]

No, not 20 minutes.

[AJ Holiday]

I got it till two to three days after the actual due date to pay you.

[Tam Bam]

I just.

[Philip Miller]

If it was not auto pay, I would be cut off, mortgage foreclosed. Okay. I forgot to pay. Right.

[Tam Bam]

That's how I am, too.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't forget the patient.

[Philip Miller]

I forget everything.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't forget.

[Tam Bam]

I just didn't pay it.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, right.

[Tam Bam]

No, I'm the more of the one.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, why the. I'm so broke.

[Tam Bam]

Everybody done took it.

[Philip Miller]

Everybody got their.

[Tam Bam]

That's. That's me. Yeah. I gotta eat these pork and beans and rice. Right. Cause that's. I ain't got nothing left. But everybody got their money, though.

[Philip Miller]

So what if we don't have to pick between being black and gay.

[AJ Holiday]

Some people do, though. Like, they think that they, like, they identify with being gay before they identify with being a black person. Like when the. When all these different struggles come up. Because, I mean, like, listen, gay people know how to galvanize and get the done. That is what I have seen over the last 10 years.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Philip Miller]

Correct.

[Tam Bam]

Gay rights is definitely moving faster than black. Do you feel like, like, y'. All.

[Philip Miller]

No, that's a.

[AJ Holiday]

And are y' all really. Are black people. Are black gay people even a part of that movement? Like, y' all think y' all might be a part of it?

[Philip Miller]

A part of which movie? A part of gay rights?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's. It's. That's a tough question because.

[Tam Bam]

Well, I know.

[AJ Holiday]

I know this is rapid fire.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Why every time. Like, there is. This is why I'm asking this. Because it seems like every time there's like, some littered some. What is the word I'm looking for? God damn. Not litigation situation. Anytime there is, like, things that are trying to be done for black people in particular. Right. They always have to throw, like. It's like they. They throw like, the sub thing in there, and they throw, like, a gay element into it. We're all black.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm saying it's like. It's like a. Oh. Like a covert way of doing things sometimes. And it. I don't think that it ever benefits the gay. The gay. Gay people or black people. It's something else they're trying to push, but they use that as, like, a front.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I think that we're. We can be both. And I. I think that you have to stop. Yeah, good word. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Scramble.

[Philip Miller]

Right. But you. We have to stop trying to put it. Put ourselves in a box. Like, why are we trying to limit. So you're. You are also black, but you're also a woman. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you are.

[Tam Bam]

Don't identify as black.

[Philip Miller]

Right. Okay. Okay. Congratulations. Right, Right. You're unique. Okay. But, yeah, you know, so we are who we are. So it's like, if I'm standing up for myself, I'm gonna stand up for all of me. Why do I have to just stand up for the black piece or just stand up for the gay piece? I'm gonna stand up for all of me, and I'm not gonna do that with any apology. And, like, you know, people sometimes want to say, well, just take the. Take the gay part out. Well, you take the other part of you out. How? You can't, because you are the whole person. I can't just be a piece of it.

[AJ Holiday]

Pimp out.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. Right. You can't. You can't. Right? Like, it's in me. It's not on me.

[Tam Bam]

Right. So what about spaces like barbershops? Do you feel like that line is short?

[Philip Miller]

I go to a Dominican barber.

[Tam Bam]

They with the shit.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. We be having a time in there, you know? Okay. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

His ass.

[Tam Bam]

I'm like, but do you feel like. Like, barbershops are like. Because I always think of, like, barbershops as safe spaces for black men to almost receive therapy. You feel like gay black are included in that?

[Philip Miller]

I could only really talk about this from my perspective, which I feel like is a bit different because I'm so open about having conversation with people. In the black barbershop. People have convo with me. They like, bro, let me ask you about this. Like, they're willing to unpack whatever the dialogue, whatever the conversation is and have those uncomfortable conversations and say the words that they're not supposed to say. And, no, I'm not going to trip. And just, like, we can really have conversation. So to me, it's been a safe space because people are more like, hey, bro, I was waiting for you to come in this week, bruh. This boy was. I was cutting his hair. He was talking about. And then they want to talk to me about that experience. So I think that it can be a safe space. And I think a lot of black barbers, now that I've been experiencing are creatives in a certain way. They be in the studio, they got other kind of stuff going on. They, you know, have gay barbers. So I think people are just more open to conversation. If you're open to not going off every time somebody says something offensive, but really being open to having a dialogue, you know? But growing up as a kid and like, realize, like, in my journey of realizing that I was gay and being at the barbershop, I'm like, oh, let me sit up straight and put some bass in my voice. You know, Let me, you know, this is my daddy barbershop. Let me get it together. But as you find your own spaces, like, I'm a person where I'm gonna go, where I'm celebrated. So if I go to the barbershop, but you make me feel weird, this the last 50 you gonna get, right? Cause I go to the barbershop every week. So if you add that up and you cool. Missing out that much money because I like boys.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Philip Miller]

That's on you as a businessman.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Philip Miller]

One thing we know about black gay men is that we have what we call expendable income. Okay. So I go every week and get my haircut. So my barber loves seeing me.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Philip Miller]

His birthday just came up. I gave him a bottle, like, you know, like we're best friends.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Did hit me up on Instagram. And he. Something we might have talked about on an episode he was speaking to, and he said he. He does find that he gets business done better with gay black men as opposed to heterosexual black men. Like gay black men do better business.

[Philip Miller]

Oh, yeah. I don't know. What is that, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Average woman, right? I mean, the average man. No, the average woman is equivalent to like top tier man.

[Tam Bam]

That's what we think.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Average we do on a daily basis.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, he felt like he just. He never got on by a gay man in business. But when it comes to them.

[Philip Miller]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know.

[Philip Miller]

I. I don't know. That's such a hard thing because I feel like I get my business mind from my dad. My dad is about his business. He's cold. You know what I'm saying? He's always going to be on top of his grind. So I just don't. I don't know where it comes from. I think that some people have it and some people don't, but.

[Tam Bam]

And it's nothing to do with your sexuality.

[Philip Miller]

I don't Think it has to do with sexuality. I think it has to do with mind state and, like, you know, how you were brought up. You know, I mean, I guess, but my dad came from the hood, so he found a way.

[Tam Bam]

What would you tell to a young gay or a young black man who feels gay and doesn't know how to come out to their family?

[Philip Miller]

I would tell them, don't rush it. Like, what. What's the. You do it for you, not for the satisfaction of other people. Like, if you really want to come out and you're ready for that, do that. But if you're not, don't. Don't put pressure. I don't care if everybody around you tell them. We can see. We can tell that you're being gay. Like, it does not matter. Do what you need to do. Focus on yourself. Build your brain, Build your identity. And then when you're confident in who the hell you are and you can stand on it, then stand on that. But until you feel grounded, don't let anybody force you out. Force you out? Yeah. Because when you come out, it's a situation where it's not an easy thing to reverse. So come out when you're stable and you're structured and you're in a good place. Build yourself a community of people that, you know, you can trust and you can rely on. Because when I came out, you know, like, it was just. I was confident. I was like, I don't care what happens from here. This is it. I'm moving forward. And I actually told my. My friend Ashley, and she was my brother's baby mother as well. And I told her first. Cause, like, you gotta help me tell these straight brothers that I got that.

[Tam Bam]

That I'm like, were you concerned with how they were.

[Philip Miller]

Oh, yeah, I was shaking in my boots. I was like, oh, my gosh, I know they love me, but I'm just like.

[AJ Holiday]

I always say that too. Right. Because what people like, okay with the. The conversation around, like, a man not being able to tell a woman because they're gonna be judged or whatever. Right. I. I really be feeling like men have a tough time coming out because they're more so concerned about what their friends that known them, you know, since forever.

[Philip Miller]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You want to say about them.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I mean, that's a genuine concern. Because these are the people that you love and want love that have supported you, that, like, these are the people's opinion that you actually care about. You care less about. Like, when I came out, care less about what society thought. I was more Worried about, like, what's my brother gonna think? What's my mom gonna think? You know, that was the. The highlight. I mean, and ultimately when I told them, they were just like, oh, you fucking flame. And they laughed and they. Right, they laughed and they hugged me. It's like, we do not care. Like, we genuinely love you. And then they came out with me when I went out that day and I was telling everybody I was by, I told the whole world I was hanging from around. I was like, I'm about. It's like, that's my gay brother right there. That's my gay brother and I love him. And if anybody got something to say about it, it's gonna be problems.

[Tam Bam]

Right? Well, I mean, that's what. What everybody would want. But unfortunately, that isn't everything.

[Philip Miller]

That's not always the case. That's what I'm saying. You gotta do it when you're confident. Because I was gonna do it at that day. Whether or not they took my side or not. If they came with me and were willing to support me, I was ready for that. If they said otherwise and they weren't gonna support me, I was ready for that. I was ready. So if you're a young black gay man or young gay man in general, and you are feeling that you're ready, make sure that you're solid in who you are first. Don't ever step out on unsolid ground for the sake of others.

[Tam Bam]

Did you ever have, like, any older family members that were like. Like, that wasn't supportive? Like my grandmother, let me tell you. God rest us so. But she is just like a very old school, very traditional, very Bible toting, Bible thumping, country ass old lady. And she used to always accuse me of being gay and accused, yes, because I would wear hats and stuff like that. Your ass got on that man hat.

[Philip Miller]

She wasn't all bored with it at all.

[Tam Bam]

Like, I would walk by, all right? So I used to wear those little. It wasn't Kango. It was like Kango style, but it was like, it was a style. And I would walk by and my family, like, just be sitting outside or something. And I'd be like, hey, y'. All. And I walk by and then I hear everybody laughing. Yeah, grandma back there, read me down. Do it like this behind my back.

[Philip Miller]

Okay? Like, oh, there she go again. Okay, I told y', all, she the one.

[Tam Bam]

So. Right. So do you have like any elders in the family that was just like, not at all as supportive?

[Philip Miller]

This is the thing about me, right? I do not care so like, I came from a space of like, I'm gonna do this because this is who I am and y' all are gonna move around. Like, that's just what it was. Like, I just didn't have space for that. And my grandma on my dad's side in particular, she was like, very much. Well, like, just be the best. Like, what? Despite whatever else they talking about, be the coldest, be the fastest, make the most money, be the coolest. Like, just be 100%. Whatever you do, whatever you do, be the best at it. So, you know, when it came out to me being, being gay.

[Tam Bam]

So you're the best gay you could be.

[Philip Miller]

Well, I'm. I'm the best man that I could be. In general. I got my stuff together, I own multiple properties. Like, I own my own business. I move with confidence. Like, I'm cold. Like, it is what it is. So when it came to, like, even when coming out to my mom, she doesn't remember this, but she told me a real bitching, right?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm that nigger.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, right. A bad bitch and a real nigga. But when I told my mom, she was just like, if the only thing they can say against you is that you're gay, they don't have a conversation. So go out and just succeed at whatever it is that you're gonna do, right? And then that's just what I went about doing. So like, when I joined the Air Force, I was just very good at what I did. And like, I do do good in my career. So it's just whatever you're gonna do, be the best. And then it tones that conversation down real goofy. Because if you're trying to talk about me in a negative way, but like, you don't have your stuff together, I just really don't have for you. Like, like, you shouldn't be worried about me. You really should be going to get some business about yourself, right? You should really work on that.

[AJ Holiday]

I think a lot. I think more men are gay in the mind than they will actually be gay. I always be saying that, but I really believe that. I believe that there are men who have these, this like a homoeroticism mindset, right? But they may never actually act on it. And those are probably the ones who'll be acting a fool on the Internet, talking crazy because they are so jealous of these men being able to live in their truth. It pisses them off because they don't have the courage to do that.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, that's a, that's a two edged sword right there. Because then that would. You would frame that his and being like a gay man and then. But at the same time, he's not acting on it. And we all have our demons that we don't act on. So that. That doesn't make me that.

[AJ Holiday]

Right, Right.

[Philip Miller]

So it's like, how does he win in that space if he goes out and does it and now he's acting on this. This demon or thing that you. That you're calling it, all right, or whatever. No, like he's acting on this. Right. He's acting on this mindset. But then you flip it. If he does. If he doesn't act on it and he comes in, marries, like, gets married and has a family and stuff, then it's like, oh, but secretly he wants to be. How does he win?

[AJ Holiday]

You should have been yourself day one.

[Philip Miller]

But that is myself. Myself is the man who doesn't want to go down that journey. I want to be married and have kids. I'm being myself. But that's not acceptable because I have these thoughts and I'm packing and I'm working on not alone.

[AJ Holiday]

You'll never know about those thoughts. The thoughts come out in the way.

[Philip Miller]

Some of them and the way they show up.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, right. So you, you have women, you got all these children and you don't really like women. You can tell by how you treat them. So is it. Is it that you're battling your. Your sexuality and you just can't say that?

[Philip Miller]

Could be, could be, could be. It could be so many things, you know, could be parenting.

[AJ Holiday]

They don't feel like women, like, I gotta deal with this bitch. I really don't want to. I like hanging with my homeboys.

[Philip Miller]

Right. Well, I think so many things are associated with the fact, like, to connect to being gay. But he just might be a fucked up person. It may have nothing to do with his sexuality. People are just like screwy a lot of the times and they're going through their own. What if he just is disrespectful to women? What if that just is who he is? What if his daddy was that? What if he just is unpacking something? Like, you know, there's so many layers, but we always jump to. He gotta have something on the low.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, add it to the gay list.

[Philip Miller]

Add it to the gay list.

[Tam Bam]

Add it to.

[Philip Miller]

He gay. Hey. Right, okay. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe he disrespectful to his. To his baby mamas.

[AJ Holiday]

That makes sense to a woman. He gay.

[Philip Miller]

Like, what. How was he supposed to show up for you. Like, you know, we always jump straight to. Okay, he must be doing that.

[Tam Bam]

Let me tell you what I all. I. I do that. But let me tell you, if I've ever been rejected by a man, I'm like, oh, he's gay.

[Philip Miller]

No, for real.

[AJ Holiday]

If we walk in someplace and we walk past, like, two, three men, and they none of them look at us like, y' all gay.

[Philip Miller]

Okay, what if they.

[Tam Bam]

Could be that they.

[Philip Miller]

What if he just stopped?

[AJ Holiday]

Married and faithful? Like, what?

[Philip Miller]

Okay, like what?

[Tam Bam]

Gay?

[Philip Miller]

Nah. Okay, he gotta be gay. Cause do you see me right? Period? Especially if you done up. Then they really, like, I got my makeup on in my heels. Yeah, you're like, okay, but as a gay man, I look. I look. So now what? Am I straight now? Does it. Why doesn't it work in reverse? Because if you walk past me with all that ass, I'mma check it out. And now you buy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, late on Thursday.

[Tam Bam]

All right, everybody. No, we gotta. We gotta take a shot.

[Philip Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So we have a sponsor. It's Red Libre. It is a female black owned tequila brand out of Atlanta. And it's nice and smooth. So I have the peach margarita. We are going to take a shot of this. Oh, and here, pick up your drink. Let's take a shot to.

[AJ Holiday]

It's usually supposed to go something like this. This episode of We Talk Back is brought to you by Jay Lebre.

[Tam Bam]

That's not even how you say it. Cheers. To living in your truth.

[Philip Miller]

To living in your truth. Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

We're gonna have nice glasses next time, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. What do you think?

[Philip Miller]

Oh, that's absolutely delicious. I'm definitely gonna need to. To pick some of that up.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, it's good, right?

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, it's like, fruity, but still smooth. I can take the whole shot.

[Tam Bam]

I could drink that whole bottle, like, by myself. I feel like.

[Philip Miller]

Okay, so we did it. Did correct.

[Tam Bam]

Actually, do you have any last questions for Phil before we wrap it up? This. Phil, this was. This is why I knew you was the perfect person and you didn't need another gay here.

[Philip Miller]

Okay? I am repping for the gays today.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Thank you so much. And listen, I hope if me or AJ or Phil say anything to offend, we sorry right now before y' all even send us those messages and comments, you not sorry.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I'm not ever sorry.

[Tam Bam]

Sorry. Yeah, I don't ever want to offend anyone.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm sorry, though. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Tam Bam]

You're not. So when you Offend people. You don't be like, I'm not.

[AJ Holiday]

How is it offensive? Are we sitting here for conversation to get understanding? How is anything we can.

[Philip Miller]

I'm open to having dialogue. You know, like, I think sometimes things. Things people can be offended and it's okay. Like, let's have more conversation and by all means educate us. Like, you know, educate me, like if we said something wrong, let me know where that. Where that was and we can have a dialogue about it.

[AJ Holiday]

I never. Sorry.

[Tam Bam]

Because remember we had on my friend's son and he said that we said things that offended him. Really?

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't hear that.

[Tam Bam]

Well, he told me personally.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

And I was like, damn, what did I say? Like, yeah, I'm always proved right. I'm always trying so hard not to offend.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to be on edge, eggshells like that. Because I don't get offended easily.

[Philip Miller]

I don't get offended easily at all. Yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Especially we sitting down having actual dialogue.

[Philip Miller]

You do. You are definitely offended.

[Tam Bam]

I'm a cancer.

[AJ Holiday]

What you say about my pinky toe?

[Philip Miller]

Okay. Right.

[Tam Bam]

Fuck you, bitch.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. I am not offended. So by all means, okay. That's me.

[Tam Bam]

So that's why I always. I'm always try to get in front of it, you know, because I just don't want to offend because I know I'll. I'll be offended quick. So.

[Philip Miller]

No, send a message. Tell us if you. If you defend, if we offended you.

[AJ Holiday]

But you know, sorry person.

[Philip Miller]

No, we should be able to have uncomfortable conversations. And sometimes people may not have a space where they have someone they feel comfortable to have that conversation with. So your platform was creating a space where we could dive into that for those people. If that's not for you, then I understand that. But this is for those people who need that space.

[Tam Bam]

No, well, I don't want to, but I just always want to.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, because then now, like, you're cautious. You can't even tell your true thoughts about things because you're concerned.

[Tam Bam]

I said what I. Like I said it.

[AJ Holiday]

Apologize.

[Tam Bam]

But no, I just. I just apologize because I don't wanna. I care about hurting people, so I just don't want to hurt. You know, but tell everybody where they can find you. Plug all your things. Oh, no, no, no. Before you do that, we gotta have a SIMP series from you. So we have a segment. You have to share a time that you got played by a person.

[Philip Miller]

That I got played. I don't know. I didn't Know this was coming. Okay, okay. Right. Oh, I know it like a time I got played. Like what's an example?

[Tam Bam]

Okay, so I'll give you one of mine that I've shared on the show. I was dating this guy, he would do nice things for me for a long time financially. He ended up going to jail for a long time. When he came home, I was living in Europe at the time. I flew home, took him to a nice dinner, bought him some clothes, like tricked off on him real heavy. And we were talking about what we could be again. And I flew back to Europe and when I landed, I turned my phone on and he was like hugged up with a bitch in the outfit I bought him saying, I'm back with my baby. I got played.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, that happened. So do you have like a story where like someone finessed someone did something to like take advantage or you know, just someone you liked and it's extra simpy if you went back after that.

[Philip Miller]

Okay, extra simpy. I think I might qualify as a for extra simp.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Well, I was dealing with this one guy and I was in the military at the time and at this point we like lived together and everything so. Well, he lived in my apartment. So to start things off right, he had an apartment. He lived there with me as well. So when it came down to it, like, you know, I was in school, I was doing a lot of things all at one time. You know, I was at school, I was in the military, I had a job selling cars on the side and I was like building furniture as well. Like, you know, hustling. Right. Grinding for my little family. You know, I'm trying to, you know, we're going to make it and I'm paying tuition for him to go to school. Cuz he, you know, his GPA was messed up so he had to do what he had to do to get back in school. So the first semester we had to pay for. So I'm paying for tuition and this man cheated on me.

[Tam Bam]

He was doing all the things I'm.

[Philip Miller]

Doing, all the things I'm, I'm putting it.

[Tam Bam]

Was he working?

[Philip Miller]

No, he was just going to school. It's like, we just need you to focus. We need you to focus on school and just get this GPA up so we can get some financial aid next semester. Because I'm a planner, I write it all out, you know. So I had wrote out a plan. It was like, we're gonna get there and he definitely was cheating. How'd you find out in our apartment.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, in your.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You let him stay there some more and still was with him some more.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, he had nowhere to go. So me for a period of time and then I left.

[Tam Bam]

I said, you gave him an apartment.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah, I'm gone. So I left and went and moved.

[Tam Bam]

Damn.

[Philip Miller]

It's a whole different city. And let him have that life. But we're friends now, though. We're cool.

[AJ Holiday]

We talked about you.

[Philip Miller]

Okay. We got through.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, that was real simpy.

[Philip Miller]

Oh, yeah. You know, I'm like a heart for people. Like, if you can help somebody out, like if you have the means to do so, like show up in that way. Sometimes I can. So, like, I should just go ahead and just help them. Help them out for a little bit longer and you know, that's.

[Tam Bam]

So do you always. Are you all right, so this is the last question because I know we gotta go, but do you always end up like the alpha in all your relationships? Because sometimes you want to be kept.

[Philip Miller]

Not anymore. I think I lived on that side of the coin when I was like, younger. Now I'm just like, no. Like, if you can't show up the way that I could show up for you, or you can't invest in us the way that. Can you? Yeah, it's like there's qualifiers. So it's like if you don't have it, we not going to even get there for you. You to take advantage.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. I prefer that you have your things together very much in order.

[Tam Bam]

I'm into that. Okay. All right. So tell everybody where they can find you. Plug all your things.

[Philip Miller]

Yeah. So you can find me for the most part. If you want to look for me, just look for me on Instagram at underscore Philip Anthony M. And that's it.

[Tam Bam]

What about your non profit, where can they find that as well?

[Philip Miller]

You can find that on my Instagram page as well. But it's called Everybody needs a Feel. So everybody direct you to everything else. Everybody needs a feel.

[Tam Bam]

Everybody definitely needs a field. But not my feeling. Okay. Why are you a field?

[Philip Miller]

Okay. Right. I am smoking Dr. Phil.

[Tam Bam]

Get with him.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, all right, y'. All, if you enjoyed this episode, this.

[Tam Bam]

Gay ass episode.

[Philip Miller]

Just throw a little.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or where the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram. Let's kick it Tam, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. I love y' all so much. Thank y' all for tuning in once once again. Remember, speak now and never hold your gay Bye.

[Philip Miller]

Clock it.

[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Carlos Miller]

Taking control of your career is empowering. Just don't tell my boss I said that. Building a career? Is it just about a job? It's about creating a path that impacts our community and future generations. Whether you're starting out or making big moves, State Farm is here to support you with resources to help protect what you're working hard to achieve. They've got your back every step of the way because, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out [e-mail] this is an iHeart podcast.