Born Into Feederism

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Born Into Feederism"

Podcast: We're All Insane
Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Jess (pseudonym: TeaCakes)
Date: April 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

"Born Into Feederism" is a raw and candid interview with Jess, a 37-year-old content creator from Ohio, who unpacks her journey from childhood grooming by her stepfather into the world of feederism—a kink involving the sexual pleasure of feeding and fattening. Jess shares how this early life conditioning affected her self-image, family dynamics, relationships, career, and health, leading through addiction, loss, and survival, and culminating in a newfound commitment to wellness and authenticity. The episode delves into trauma, survival mechanisms, the complexities of adult content creation, and the challenge—and power—of reclaiming one's narrative.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Family Dynamics & Childhood Grooming

• Absent Biological Father: Jess’s father was not involved after her biological mother denied paternity, and she considered her stepfather as her "real father." [03:00]
• Multiple Stepfathers: Her mother had three marriages—her second husband played a pivotal role in Jess’s life. [03:50]
• Introduction to Feederism: The second stepfather (“the feeder”) normalized feeding and fat fetish behaviors beginning at age 8, including encouraging weight gain and midnight fast food.
  Quote: “[My stepfather] would wake me up in the middle of the night with fast food...He would be laughing hysterically as I’m eating a Burger King burger. And then I would get punished by my mother because I’m eating too much.” (Jess, 07:00)

2. Conflicting Parental Messages & Psychological Abuse

• Diet Culture vs. Feederism: Jess was simultaneously put on restrictive SlimFast diets by her mother and subjected to her stepfather’s feeding practices, causing confusion and public humiliation.
  Quote: “My mother obsessed with diet culture…When I was around 8 to 10…she was putting me on SlimFast diets…While my stepfather would call me a ‘little eating machine,’ mockingly.” (Jess, 06:00–10:00)
• Public Humiliation: Stepfather would fat-shame strangers loudly in public and would mock Jess’s eating in front of family.
• Other Psychological Tactics: Stepfather used fear and intimidation, e.g., scaring Jess with ghost stories and desecrating graves to traumatize her.
  Quote: “He pissed on the grave and said, ‘Jessica, I piss on your grave…you’ll never be alone.’” (Jess, 11:10)

3. Escalation of Grooming & Adultification

• Sexualization & Grooming: Around age 12, stepfather started showing Jess nude “fat women” magazines, normalizing sexualized imagery. Family dismissed concerns, further normalizing the abuse. [17:00]
• Weight Loss Surgery & Parental Divorce: Jess’s mother eventually got weight loss surgery and left the stepfather. The kink dynamic influenced the breakup.
  Quote: “Like most feeders, they are not cool with that [weight loss] and they’ll make that known.” (Jess, 19:06)

4. Adolescence: Community Grooming & Entrapment

• Feederism Clubs: As a teen, Jess’s stepfather took her to BBW (Big Beautiful Women) nights at clubs, where adult men approached her and she exchanged contact info. [21:00–24:00]
• Teenage Relationships: By 17, she had her first feeder boyfriend, who moved in and further entrenched her in the fetish.
  Quote: “I was still in high school…they let him live with me in my bedroom. He was my feeder, live-in feeder, my last year of high school.” (Jess, 24:25–25:00)
• Grooming as Survival: Jess was isolated and absentee from school; missed over 100 days due to emotional and psychological entrapment.

5. Adulthood: Industry Involvement & Internal Conflict

• Content Creation as “Job”: At 19, after fleeing to Chicago, Jess started in adult, feederism-oriented online modeling. She describes distinguishing her persona from her real self as a means of coping and self-protection.
  Quote: “I desperately tried to keep it so separate…this isn’t me in real life, this is the model.” (Jess, 37:53)
• Cycle of Abusive, Kink-Based Relationships: Each relationship centers around feederism or fat admiration, influencing Jess’s body image, income, and validation.
• International Moves: Jess entered a relationship/marriage with a much older forum owner in Canada, involving more extreme content creation and further boundary violations (husband sending their fetish content to her stepfather).

6. Estrangement, Trauma, & the Quest for Wellness

• Cutting Ties: Jess eventually cut contact with her abusive stepfather and began to recognize the abuse for what it was through therapy.
  Quote: “My therapist…she’d have shook me if she could…It’s still abuse.” (Jess, 64:00)
• Loss and Health Crisis: After her mother’s death, Jess’s health deteriorated—she became bed-bound, developed severe lymphedema, and lost custody of her children due to inability to care for them (cited as directly related to her weight).
  Quote: “It was cited literally in the papers from the police—‘Mother over 700 pounds and can’t take care of her children.’” (Jess, 74:50)

7. Addiction, Suicide Attempt, and Recovery

• Addiction & Mental Health Decline: Jess turned to prescription drugs after losing her children, culminating in a suicide attempt.
  Quote: “I purposely overdosed October 1, 2024. I don’t know how or why I survived…something literally screamed in my head, ‘Get the fuck up, Jess.’” (Jess, 78:44, 79:00)
• Turning Point: After surviving, Jess commits to sobriety and action, determined to reclaim her life for herself and her children.
  Quote: “That was the turning point…I survived that. And I’ve just been non-stop, go, go, go since then.” (Jess, 81:30)

8. Reframing Identity & Setting Boundaries

• Transitioning Away from Feederism: Jess is still engaged in adult content but with strict boundaries and a focus on wellness and mainstream, plus-size travel content. She has undergone weight loss surgery and is open about her journey on mainstream platforms.
  Quote: “For my kids…I already lost everything. I already died and came back. What else do I have to lose but a bunch of weight and getting my kids back?” (Jess, 82:58)
• Community Reactions: There’s a split between supporters of her wellness journey and those disappointed at her weight loss.
  Quote: “I had to just get over that fear…I’ll find my audience, and the right people will stay.” (Jess, 86:47–87:09)

9. Using Her Platform to Spread Awareness and Heal

• Jess is committed to using her experience to help others, especially women in similar situations. Her advocacy is about healing, exposing predatory behavior, and creating a ripple effect of positive change.
  Quote: “If I could help one other person…that was my goal…I want to create that ripple effect.” (Jess, 88:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-------------|-------------|-------| | 07:00 | Jess | “He would wake me up in the middle of the night with fast food…He would be laughing hysterically as I’m eating a Burger King burger.” | | 11:10 | Jess | “…He pissed on the grave and said, ‘Jessica, I piss on your grave…you’ll never be alone.’” | | 19:06 | Jess | “Like most feeders, they are not cool with [weight loss], and they’ll make that known.” | | 24:25 | Jess | “He was my feeder, live-in feeder, my last year of high school.” | | 37:53 | Jess | “…this isn’t me in real life, this is the model.” | | 64:00 | Jess | “That’s still abuse. It’s still abuse.” (quoting her therapist) | | 74:50 | Jess | “It was cited literally in the papers from the police—‘Mother over 700 pounds and can’t take care of her children.’” | | 78:44 | Jess | “I purposely overdosed October 1, 2024…something literally screamed in my head, ‘Get the fuck up, Jess.’” | | 81:30 | Jess | “That was the turning point…I survived that.” | | 86:47–87:09 | Jess | “I had to just get over that fear…I’ll find my audience, and the right people will stay.” | | 88:10 | Jess | “If I could help one other person…that was my goal…I want to create that ripple effect.” |

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:00–11:00] – Jess’s early home life, absent father, stepfather’s grooming, introduction to feederism.
• [12:30–17:00] – Public and private humiliation, psychological abuse, and start of sexualized grooming.
• [17:00–25:00] – Club nights, teenage relationships, normalization of feederism/fat fetishism.
• [33:00–41:00] – Entering the adult industry, relationship cycles, and trauma perpetuation.
• [53:50–58:00] – Tyra Banks show appearance, continued struggle with identity and boundaries.
• [64:30–69:00] – Therapy, recognition of grooming, cutting off the stepfather.
• [69:50–75:50] – Health decline, losing custody of her children, and the emotional aftermath.
• [78:39–81:30] – Addiction, suicide attempt, and turning point.
• [82:50–88:00] – Transition to wellness, community reactions, finding new purpose.

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Tone and Authenticity

This episode is unflinchingly honest, painful, and hopeful. Jess’s voice is direct and self-aware, often oscillating between vulnerability, humor, and resilience. Devorah maintains empathy, curiosity, and a nonjudgmental stance, encouraging Jess’s self-exploration and supporting her journey of reclaiming power.

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Conclusion & Where to Find Jess

Jess is currently focusing on plus-size travel and wellness content (under the name "TeaCakes") as she moves beyond her feederism past, continues her healing, and shares her story to help others. She can be found on:

• TikTok
• Instagram
• Facebook

Message:
Jess’s story underscores the insidiousness of grooming, the resilience required to break cycles, and the importance of self-compassion and community in healing.

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For more from Jess, follow her at TeaCakes on all major socials. For future episodes or to share your own story, contact the podcast via [e-mail].

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Demon Hunters, Haja Boy's Breakfast Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi?

[A]

It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

[B]

It is an honor to share.

[A]

No, it's our honor.

[B]

It is our larger honor. No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. Participating McDonald's while supplies last. My name's Jess and I'm 37. I'm from Ohio and I am a content creator and I have been different kinds of content creators, but I was groomed into the adult industry from a child by my stepfather and it felt like I've been doing it since I was 18. I'm 37, so about 19 years now. My entire adult life felt like it was already predestined and this wasn't immediately aware. I wasn't immediately aware of this. It's taken me years to process this and thankfully therapy and all that. My late mother, she was married three times and she was a very young mother. She had three kids under by the time she was 23, I believe she had three kids under five. So wait, 24? She was 24 or 25. But yeah, she had three kids under five years old when she was married to her first husband. And I was a whoopsie baby. My biological father, my mom actually told him that I wasn't his. So he kind of moved on with his life. And as far as I know, that's kind of blurry, but as far as I know, he told his wife that he was a virgin when they got married. And then when I was four years old, my mom did a paternity test for him with him, and I was his. But he still didn't want anything, which, you know, so biological father already absent. Okay. My mom's first husband. Abusive, Abusive relationship. I won't go too much into that, but it kind of sets the scene as to, like, my understanding for my mother. Like, we had a complicated relationship, but setting the scene for my mother. Cause she's a big part of this. She was in a horribly physically abusive marriage, and he was not a kind person. They divorced, and she quickly got with her second husband, who I'm going to talk about when I live with my stepfather. A stepfather now. But this is. That's the good one. The one that the stepfather I'm gonna be talking about all in. This is not the good one, if anyone's understood. Yeah. But, yeah, I had three stepfathers. So the second one, he was a feeder. And that is someone who enjoys watching the women in their life. And it could be the other way around. It could be men or women, but in this case, it was a man who enjoys watching women get bigger for their pleasure, oftentimes without their health in mind. It's just all about their desire.

[A]

And was he doing that towards you and your mom?

[B]

Yes. So obviously as a child, I wasn't super aware of it until later, but my mom was a bigger woman, beautiful, bigger woman. So I always admired bigger women in general, too. So when my stepfather was telling me these things and coaching me to be a bigger woman when I'm like, 8 years old, that, to me was normal. Cause my mom was big and beautiful, and I'm like, oh, that's fine, that's okay. My mother was married to him when I was around 4, so I considered him my biological father, trusted him. Like, you know, I never really saw anything, like, outside of what I know now through processing. Like, I never saw anything abusive or malicious. He never physically touched me. So anything coming up is not like. And that was also another element of why I never caught it. Because, like, I was never, like, touched in that way.

[A]

And also I feel like in comparison to the other stepdad that you had, it probably seemed like, oh, this is so much better physical.

[B]

Exactly. And I should back up a little bit, too. But My mother obsessed with diet culture as one, you know, society is. And she was constantly trying to lose weight. She didn't grow up bigger, she gained weight after children. So finding a man, I can imagine that was into bigger women and was safer, at least physically, you know, I could see the appeal in that and survival especially. But yeah, she was very obsessed with her image, her weight. And when I was around 8 to 10 years old, we'll say 8 to 10 years old in this time, she was putting me on slim, Slim Fast diets. That was all the rage in the 90s, of course. And I do, I did like those shakes, by the way. They were just not the healthiest for an eight year old child. And knowing what I do know now about feederism, the kink and everything surrounding that, there's a humiliation aspect to it that they get off on. And my stepfather would, he would wake me up in the middle of the night with fast food and I would be, I would, he would under my nose. And I know this, to me it sounds crazy because it's like, why would you do this to a child that was put on a diet? And like literally a slim fat shake is not enough calories for a kid, no matter how big they are. I would wake up ravenous and he would be laughing hysterically as I'm eating a Burger King burger in the middle of the night. Because I'm like, oh, this is a good treat. I'm eating this burger and he's laughing hysterically. And then I would get punished by my mother because I'm eating too much on top of the Slim Fast replacements.

[A]

So question did so your stepfather was aware that your mom had you on the Slim Fast diet. Was she aware that he was bringing the fast food in in the middle of the night?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't think so. But she had to have been aware of his behavior, like.

[A]

Cause he was doing it towards her too, right?

[B]

He in general was a very, at the time, the people in my family would call him like a big kid. Like he was very immature and he like, we could be at the grocery store, we'd be at Walmart shopping and he would see another bigger woman. And I mean, it would be the loudest voice he could think of to use in the Walmart. And he would just be like, he's like, oh my God, look at that woman over there. Look at the gut on her. Like it would be that kind of insane, like gestures and speech to other people, to other people in public. So it'd be loud public humiliation. And that's another thing. Even if you're. They're attracted to bigger women and they want them to be bigger, there's that shame that they feel in being attracted to them, and they will openly mock them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's just. It's just. That's just in general, what we had to deal with with him. So my mom was aware of his behavior, but again, also, she was deep in her own survival, and I get that. But, yeah, so he would do things, like, he gave me nicknames, like, little eating machine. Like, I don't know, Like, I. I can distinctly remember just eating, like, Doritos something. I'm 8, 9 years old, and I'm eating a lot of them or something. And then my mom's like, oh, no, no, no, no. Like, that's too much. Blah, blah, blah. And my stepdad would be like, oh, you're a little eating machine. Like, mockingly loud in front of my whole family. I have to younger siblings, so it was always like. I don't know why I was the biggest one. So I was always the one that was targeted.

[A]

So I think, too, at that young of an age, it's hurtful and it's confusing. You know, I feel like anything around weight or appearance in any aspect from a parental figure can just completely skew your mindset around all of that stuff. Like, even if you're the most confident person, I think it just.

[B]

Oh, absolutely. Around this age as well. It wasn't just fat shaming and food shaming and public humiliation. It was, like, other, like, darker psychological things that he would do. And I was a very scared kid. Little kid. Like, I was afraid of everything. And we lived in this apartment complex, and next door, like, there was this wooded area that me and my siblings would play in there. And we discovered, like, old tombstones, like, this old abandoned graveyard, like, trees growing around it and stuff. And we told my stepdad, and he came and, like, explored it with us, and it started getting to a point where, like, he would torture us kind of with, like, you're gonna be haunted by, like, they're gonna come out and, like, get you. And, like, whatever. It's like. But he did something insane. When I tell people this, it's like he pissed on the grave. He peed on the grave. And he literally is saying it out loud. He says my full name. He's like, I. Jessica. And then he's like, I piss on your grave or something. And I'm freaking out. I'm like, eight something. I Don't know. And I'm freaking out. And he's like, you're gonna be haunted no matter where you are. He's like, you will never be alone or something like that. And I was like in the shower and he like did something where he was like, the ghost is gonna get you in here too. And like outside looking in, it might just be like a silly thing. Like he's teasing. Cause he's a big kid. But on top of all the other weird stuff, it was just like another layer of like, I'm scared.

[A]

Trauma.

[B]

Yeah, it's scary. I'm scared. Yeah.

[A]

You're a kid, you know, and that is very dark. It's bizarre.

[B]

It's bizarre. Yeah. And then like, I would then be afraid to even take showers. I would be afraid to eat. I would be afraid to do anything. And then I would get punished for being dramatic. I would be punished for being scared and be called dramatic and all. And it was just all of that kind of thing.

[A]

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[B]

vanilla that Pepsi taste you love with

[A]

just 30 calories and no artificial sweeteners. Pepsi Prebiotic Cola unbelievably Pepsi. How soon into your mom and him getting together. Would you say that you guys started gaining a lot of weight? Like, was it pretty immediate or was this kind of like a progression over

[B]

time since they got together? When I was like four or five, I was actually living with my grandparents at the beginning around that time. So I can only remember. The earliest I can remember with him in this kind of activity was around 8 years old. So it could have been for her, it could have been earlier, but for me it was around 8 to 10 is when that really started. And then I just got bigger from there.

[A]

Yeah. Like I wasn't sure if he tried to kind of be discreet about it at first or if it kind of just like.

[B]

Yeah. And like, I don't even think my mom really could catch that.

[A]

Well, also it's, it's not a very common thing that people discuss. Like, I didn't really even know about it until the episode that I filmed like years ago. I had no idea it was a thing.

[B]

Exactly. And it's shocking. And sometimes, I mean, I don't blame people. They just don't believe it and they don't believe how dark it can go. There's so many layers to it. And that's why I for so long didn't even tell the origins of my story with this, because it's kind of just like, well, it's not that bad. But when it all builds up and then what it's led into and the consequences throughout my life, I'm kind of, you know, foreshadowing. But yeah, when it all builds up, it is dangerous.

[A]

Well then I think too, we're thought to tell ourselves that something like that isn't as bad as something else. You know, like, oh, at least you didn't have this, this and this happened. But everything is bad in its own way. And that doesn't make it any less bad. It's something, I think, that's less common and you don't hear about it as much. But I think that it's very twisted and it's setting you up for something that wasn't your choice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that's unfair.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. So, and progressing in my age, around 11, 12. Yeah. So something that's not my choice. He started showing me adult oriented magazines of fat women, bigger women, and they'd be nude, it wouldn't be like totally graphic. But when you're a child, that is graphic. Right. I still struggle with being like, oh, it's not that bad. But I was a kid so I have to remember, like, it is bad. You're a kid. Like, that was really bad that happened.

[A]

And he would just show you these magazines, just. Would he say anything?

[B]

Yeah, oh yeah. He would be like, this is what a real woman looks like kind of thing. And again, I didn't think it was negative because my mother was big, she was beautiful. I'm like, you're right, this is what a woman can look like and be beautiful. But it was more like the bigger the better, you know, the stereotypical stuff. And I would tell other adults in my family, I would be like, oh my God. My stepdad showed me this woman. She was so fat I couldn't even see her vagina. And like, family would laugh and I'm like, okay, that's funny. I guess it's normal. They're like. But now I'm thinking I have children. And if my 12 year old said that they're an adult in our family, was showing them naked with pictures of fat women, I would be very concerned, Very, very concerned. I would probably want blood because it's like, why are you doing this to my kid? But, you know, and what are your intentions exactly? So the dismissal by other adults in the family just normalized it even further, you know. So around 12, 13 years old, my mom got weight loss surgery. I think she was around 400 at her highest, maybe 500, I'm not really certain. But she was one of the early weight loss surgery patients, like the bariatric where they had to like cut all the way down, like. And she desperately wanted to lose weight. And I don't blame her at that weight and the trauma she, I surely faced with her ex, you know, her husband.

[A]

Were they still together when she got that surgery?

[B]

They got divorced, like right after.

[A]

I was going to say, like, I wonder, like, what was his reaction to that? I'm sure it wasn't.

[B]

Yeah, he. Like most feeders, they are not cool with that. They're not cool with weight loss and they will make that known. And I don't remember too much, but he would be like, you're shrinking and stuff. But I admittedly will, that's crossed over with other men in my life. Like, I don't know if it's all blending together. Like, you know, I get the whole like, don't lose weight, don't disappear on me kind of thing. Like, it's like a desperation kind of thing. Like, and it does make you feel bad because you don't want your partner to not be attracted to you. But my mom and him did get divorced right around the time she got Weight loss surgery right after. But then she got with the man she was married to until she passed three years ago. So she did get with the love of her life. Thank God.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, they were married for over 20 years before she passed. But yeah, she did have weight loss surgery. She went, you know, she became a nurse and everything as well. So her life took off and that was great. But after their divorce, like I said, I considered him my real father. My biological father was in the picture and I considered the stepdad to be my real father. I didn't really bond with my mom's new husband. I was 13 when they got married. So I'm like, eh, he's nice but.

[A]

And it was change when you're that young.

[B]

And I would still go hang out with my ex stepdad. So yeah, I still kept in contact with him. But around 13 to 16, this kind of era here, I. It's. Wow, this does sound like crazy when I'm going to say this. But he continued. He ramped up the grooming into the feederism, fat fetish world. There would be like club nights where they would have specific, like BBW nights, big beautiful women, like BW nights. And obviously I'm a teenager, I'm 13, 14, 15 at this time, more so like 1415. And he would take me to these club nights and I specifically remember like the doormen, like the security people checking IDs. Clearly I'm not an adult. And he would just be like, she can sit with me like at the back table. Like I'm not. We're not going to be around the bar. So they would agree to that. These clubs would agree to that. And I would be like in a corner booth by the door, closest to the door so they can keep an eye on me. But I'm still in a club and men still approached me, grown men. Right. And I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I would bring a little notebook with me with like a pen and I would write my AOL screen name on a piece of paper for the men.

[A]

And that's what your stepdad told you to do?

[B]

Basically he watched it happen. I don't know if he told me to do it, but I was like, oh, this is cool. I'm getting attention from older men that think I'm pretty, that like bigger girls. And it's the BBW night, so. And I was a pretty big teenage. I was getting bigger, you know.

[A]

And how long would you guys usually stay there?

[B]

A couple hours? Yeah, few hours.

[A]

And when you guys would leave Would he. Would you guys have any conversations about how the night went or anything like that?

[B]

He would talk about the women he saw, and I. Sometimes he would even use me to lure the women for him too, which was interesting. And he did that for a long time. Just like, kind of foreshadowing again, like when I became, like, involved in the adult industry as an adult, any of the bigger models, plus size models, he'd be like, oh, introduced me to them. And I'm like, but they're like, my age. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't think they're into you. Like, you're. You're in your 40s, almost 50. Like this. This isn't. Yeah, yeah. But I'd be at those clubs giving my contacts out to grown men, thinking that was normal.

[A]

And then would you have conversations with these men?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I had a long standing one with a man that even had my address and would send me gifts. And I was 15 years old. And I actually am very thankful that nothing worse happened beyond that, you know? So, yeah, low key, almost trafficked at BBW club nights.

[A]

Yeah. And none of the. Whenever you would talk to these men after you would leave. What if you didn't end up meeting up with any of them or anything?

[B]

No, we talked about things, but I never was able to at that point. I didn't. But I did get involved with a feeder when I was 17.

[A]

Well, I mean, also, that's kind of like you said, you were set up and groomed into that lifestyle and that community.

[B]

Yeah, I did get involved with him. He was 21 when I was 17. I was still in high school. But, yeah, that was the only one that I really. But I met him online. I didn't give him my information from the club. But, yeah, that was an interesting time because I was still in high school. I was obviously with my mom and my current stepdad, and. I was a bad teenager. Okay. But still, this was messed up. My family, they're pretty open, but he was 21 and they let him live with me in my bedroom. And yeah, he was my feeder. Live in feeder. My last year of high school, and I missed a lot of school. I almost failed my last year of school, like, high school. I went to a vocational high school. So I was in, like, the graphic arts program, and I was in, like, all the advanced art stuff. Like, I was doing good. And then it kind of makes me sad that, like, no one thought to be like, what's going on with her? It's not like her to miss over 100 days of school. It's not like her to fail art class. What's happening at home? And that was a big one that took me a long time to, like, get over because it happened so close into, like. That was probably the beginning of like, me just jumping into, like, with all these feeder, fat admirer type men. And it was very normalized.

[A]

So you met him when you were living. You were living with. Did you ever live with your stepdad or were you living with your mom the whole time?

[B]

I lived with my mom the whole time as a minor.

[A]

And then when you started dating this guy who was 21 and he was into all of this, did your stepdad know about him?

[B]

I don't remember. I don't remember that because it makes

[A]

me want, like, I was like wondering like, if he thought. Yeah, like, oh, this is good. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[B]

Like he. It was almost kind of whenever I would tell him about guys that were into the same things as him, it was kind of. Yeah, it was kind of just like a. It was almost a jealousy thing too. That was just the vibe. But I wanted nothing to do with him sexually or anything. But my mom would accuse me of sleeping with him as I got older.

[A]

With your stepdad? Wow.

[B]

I never did. I never. I was grossed out by that and frankly hurt that my mom thought that. But because he liked bigger women, it was just assumed that that is where I got. My source of validation was these men.

[A]

What were some of the things that he would do

[B]

he liked more of the bloating thing. Okay, so what I mean by that is like, it's more of the instant gratification of it looking like I just gained an extreme amount of weight. So like chugging a 2 liter bottle of soda and being very bloated and like, you can kind of feel it. You could even hear it. That's like part of their kink. So there's a lot of intertwined in the feuderism and all that too. And I just remember, like, he also took pictures and everything too. I remember like wearing bigger clothes and he would want me to stuff it, like with pillows and stuff.

[A]

To make you look even bigger.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I still have those photos, actually. I was a minor though, so, like, there's no nudity, but they're sexual in nature, kink in nature, fetish in nature. So I'm just remembering, like, he did. He. He did set up things like that. So.

[A]

And then why was it that you were failing? Is it just because you were with

[B]

him all the Time I was with him all the time. And he. I had a part time job as well as a. As a server at a little restaurant. And he would be extremely jealous and controlling as well. So it was kind of one of those things like, who are you talking to at school? Who are you? What are you doing at work? What customers are you talking to? Like, it would just be like that as well. So there's a lot of layers to it. Yeah.

[A]

So you just stopped going really? For the most part, yeah.

[B]

Depression, survival.

[A]

And then when you would chug things, like all the soda and stuff, would that make you sick?

[B]

Oh, absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. There would be a lot of times, too, where I would hide the evidence under my bed as a teen. You know, teenagers are messy and whatever, but again, would get punished for that. Like, my mom would go and investigate in my room when I'm gone and stuff when we were both gone. But he ended up living with me for six months or so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And at the time, I was defensive because my family is like, didn't understand me. You know what I mean? Like, I thought I was in love. I thought I was in a solid relationship. But knowing now 17 and 21 shouldn't happen.

[A]

Okay. Starting something new can be so terrifying and scary. I remember when I first started this podcast, I had a constant loop in my head of the what ifs. What if something goes wrong? What if nobody watches? What if this flops? What if it's just a big failure? But at the same time, you either get stuck in these loops of the what ifs, or you just go for it. And obviously just going for it ended up being one of the best decisions that I've ever made for myself and for every single person that I am able to welcome on here. And I'll say this, having the right tools makes the biggest difference. And that is where Shopify comes in. Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses, and it makes everything feel way less overwhelming. They have AI tools in there that can help with images and stuff like that so that you don't have to feel like you need to be a tech expert. And you can build your entire store online with their templates and make it exactly how you want with your design and everything that you like. And I'm sure you're wondering, how do I get people to find me? Well, Shopify thankfully helps with that too. You can create email and social campaigns super easily so that you're actually building something that people are going to show up to, not something that you're just hoping People are just going to magically appear. Plus, everything is in one place. The inventory, the analytics, the payment. So you're not jumping between a million different platforms trying to figure it all out. It's time to turn those what ifs into SFX with Shopify today. Sign up for $1 per month trial today at shopify.com insane go to shopify.com insane that's shopify.com insane SFX Eczema is

[B]

unpredictable, but you can flare less with Epglis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EPGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks. And most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing. Emplis Lebricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg per 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapy used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit ebgliss.lilly.com or call 1-800-LilyRx or 1-800-545-5979. So as soon as I graduated high school, turned 18, like a couple months after that I went to school. I ended up, I did end up graduating, thankfully. I did get a little scholarship from my graphic arts program. I started the community college. I was on a good path. I was dating someone new. It was long distance, he was my age. But we did meet through that world, the fat, you know, fat and feederism world.

[A]

Now when you say you met through that world or like there's certain websites,

[B]

there's like forums and.

[A]

Okay, so you would meet these people kind of from that stuff.

[B]

Okay, I was very well aware of all these websites. Got it.

[A]

And is it your stepdad that introduced you to those sites?

[B]

And he is actually very like infamous on those sites, really? Because he would harass these women.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And like the chat rooms and stuff. So, I mean, he was just miserable. Yeah. He's such. Yeah. He only has himself to blame for not finding the fat woman of his dreams, but whatever. But yeah, so I. I dropped out of school, college pretty quickly. And. And I would say ran away. I ran away to Chicago from Ohio. I lived in Ohio and I lived in a hotel for several weeks, maybe months with my boyfriend at the time. And so I didn't start the adult content right away, but I was like nearly 19 when that started. So 2007, I believe, is when I started that. And I had applied for one of like the multi girl, multi model sites websites, and it wasn't totally graphic in nature. It was similar in nature to the content my stepfather would show me as a child. So nude fetish based, kink based, but not hardcore.

[A]

Okay. So so not like porn.

[B]

Not porn. Yeah. So. But there'd be nudity. You definitely had to be 18 to partake. But it was familiar, it was normal. And I immediately started with like, I would consider it like pinup. Like, you would just wear a cute outfit. Like, you would start. You would like, kind of like hang out of it. They want to see your belly, they want to see your curves, they want to see all that and like bursting out of clothes. And. And I also did a lot of eating content.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And because I thought this is what I was supposed to do. Yeah. And I lived in Chicago and they have deep dish pizza, which is amazing. But I thought I had to eat like a whole deep dish pizza.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And an entire chocolate cake. And this was one of my first sets that I ever filmed for this website where I polished it all off and I was immediately so violently ill. Yeah. And I was just like this. And my boyfriend at the time, he was a feeder, he's like, he's like, oh, yeah, this is good content. And I'm just like so sick. And I'm like, this is what we're supposed to do. Like, I remember feeling so that you

[A]

getting sick was on camera too.

[B]

No, no, no, no. But it's just looking back and I'm just like. You're not concerned?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not concerned about how I am? Like, after content like that, like, that's just normal and part of it, like, oh, yeah. This is just what happens after you stuff yourself. And like, to me, I'm just like, okay, well, we're just gonna keep going. Obviously, I'm an adult. Yeah. So I'm still like, all right, like, I'm making my own choices, but knowing all the back story about, you know, just. I just thought it was totally, completely normal.

[A]

Right. Quick question. These, they're called feeders. Okay. These feeders, do they usually eat a lot too, like, or. It's not really like that.

[B]

If you are the one eating or being fed, you're a feedy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or a gainer. It can be interchangeable. So I never even like to consider myself a feedy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yeah. And most of the time they aren't the ones gaining, like eating and gaining.

[A]

Okay. So it's not like they're doing it with you. It's just all.

[B]

It's not really. It's like their pleasure.

[A]

Okay, got it.

[B]

Yeah. So I mean, granted, I'm sure there's. And there are, but.

[A]

Right. It varies.

[B]

There are. And there's also obviously the women. There are women. Women and feedees that enjoy the pleasure that being fed and overeating gives them. But for me, it never was a personal pleasure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I considered it my job. I considered it my job. And in fact, I desperately tried to keep it so separate that like, you know, I had a stage name, but I would like almost shift into her to protect myself because I'm like, this isn't me in real life. This is the model. This is the, you know, and I would always say, oh, I'm not a feedi. I'm not a feedi. I just like eating. I like my body no matter what weight I am. And that's true. Like, I worked very hard on always loving myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was also a form of protection because I wanted to lose it at some point. Just like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I could never lose the weight.

[A]

I think it's difficult too, because it was your. Like you said it was your job. So you knew to a certain degree, it's like, well, I have to stay this way to continue what I'm doing. Do you feel like the, the kink itself ever affected the relationships that you were in? Like, did it ever interfere with the. Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Like, because of the industry I was in, I was well known. I am well known in the industry. I'm still in it. But I was one of the most popular, well known ones. So I had access to probably an unlimited source of men that were attracted to me, which most of them were feeders. But there's a distinction between, most of the time there's a distinction between someone who's just has a preference for bigger women and then Feeders, which are more extreme. Luckily, I've been finding, you know, men and other people who aren't just. They're not in the feederism key. I've largely distanced myself from that. But there are some that I am still associated with because they're good people and they don't subscribe to the abuse part of it, obviously, like, and it's hard for them too. There are definitely feeders that I've come across and they feel guilt, an extreme amount of guilt. But that's not mine to carry.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, I. I know there's a lot that have an affliction. It's an affliction.

[A]

And then this relationship that you were currently in at this time.

[B]

Oh, the, the in Chicago.

[A]

Yeah. And then with that one, do you feel. Feel like the relationship primarily was focused around your career and feeding rather than like a romantic connection?

[B]

Absolutely, yeah. My, my weight was tied to validation and income and anything romantic at that point. I'm 18. 19. Yeah, 19 at that point. I would say every single relationship I've been in has been with a feeder or a fat admirer. But that quickly dissolved that relationship. There was other things happening within that relationship where he just was not good for me and I was desperate to get out and I wasn't welcome back home in Ohio. My mother and I had a very complicated and strained relationship for many years in my early adulthood. So I wasn't welcome back home. And the only thing, only option I had left was to run away to Canada, which, it's not funny, but sometimes I think I like how, like, just. I just don't know how I survived half of this stuff because I'm like, where am I going?

[A]

And you never wanted to live with your stepdad, I'm assuming?

[B]

No, I do eventually though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, just not yet, so. Not yet. Yeah.

[A]

Canada it is.

[B]

Canada it is. Yeah. So, yeah, I took a four day Greyhound bus ride to Alberta, Canada, and met a man that I had only been talking to online for a couple months. I had been living with my ex and, you know, I was. Could. Couldn't live there anymore. So this man was the owner of one of those forum websites, one of the feeder, like, fat kink websites. So already I'm like, all right, this is just the next logical, safest thing for me. I can continue to do my, my modeling. I can continue to do what I'm just used to at this point still. And I was 19 and I believe he was 26, and that's legal, but still, I'm coming from like, just back to. Back to back. Just men that only saw value in me producing and gaining. Like, so it was, again, natural. And as soon as I got to his house, he. Yeah, he. He just. He did some disgusting things to me. That's all I'll say. Like, immediately. And I just was like, okay, this is it.

[A]

Like, sexual stuff to you?

[B]

Yeah. I had to do it.

[A]

Now, was that for just him or was that for what. Like, what he was doing with the forums?

[B]

That was. That part was just for him. But then we got to a point where I was opening up more to him because I didn't know him very long. So we're talking more about life. And I'm living with this man in Alberta. Okay. Like, thousands of miles away from home. And I'm telling him my life story. And this man's a feeder. He's a feeder and very proud of that. And I told him I was raised by a feeder. I told him about my stepdad. And you want to know what he had to say about that? What? He thought that was hot. He thought that was great. And I just kind of shut down because I think part of me was like, I want someone to see that, how fucked up that was.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I wanted them to see how messed up that was and then treat me differently, treat me better. But it just made him latch on more. And I'm assuming that was like, an in for him to just keep going harder. So we eventually got married. Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

After three months of me living there with him, we got married. We would film content together. And a lot of it was. It was nude, but it wasn't, like, hardcore again, like. But there would be scenes where there's something called force feeding, where it's kind of like you're tied up. Your hand, no hands, and you're being fed physically by a feeder with. By their hands or there's like, funnel feeding. Like, it's like those beer bong. Beer bong things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, pour shakes down them and stuff, like, to fatten up faster. And we would film content like that where I was tied up and stuff. And he would forward that to my stepfather. He would upload it and. Well, we would upload it because, you know, I was posting content.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He sent to my stepfather.

[A]

Did he respond?

[B]

Oh, yeah, he was. He was. I don't know if it was him that was upset. My stepfather's girlfriend was upset. And of course I got. And, you know, I got reprimanded for that. Like, I felt like I didn't really have a Leg to stand on. Because I consented to filming.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I didn't consent to my husband forwarding my content to my stepfather because he thought that was hot, that he raised me like that. And my mom had already thought I had slept with him anyway. So I'm just like, what can I even say? No one's gonna believe me. No one's gonna believe me. I don't really remember if my stepdad thought that was messed up. I really don't remember. I just remember the women, like, my mom and his girlfriend being like, yo, right? But I'm like, how do I defend myself against this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I just can't. So there was a lot of just boundaries clearly crossed, a lot of overlapping. It just was blurred. And what else could I do but double down on my survival and just keep. Keep producing that type of content.

[A]

Now, the content that you're making with him, were you guys splitting the money?

[B]

You know, I lived in Canada, so I technically couldn't, like, really work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I still got paid by an American company. My checks would get mailed to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I would have my own money. But, yeah, he would pay for, like, rent and things like that.

[A]

Got it. Okay. So it was basically, you were like,

[B]

I had my own money at least. But we did eventually move to Toronto.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So. And that's when things kind of kicked back up. Well, not kicked back up. Sorry. I should say. That's when, like, you know, I just got deeper in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm not blaming these women at all, but I did meet more women in the industry, same industry as me, and they were all loosely tied into feederism. And I don't really know most of their stories, and they were my safe space. Like, you know, no matter how shitty things went, you know, things always fall out. But I always have, like, a little bit of a complex with that is like, oh, my God. But we're all in the same kind of world, in the same industry, so there's a lot of competition, There's a lot of drama. And we're also very young, too, so

[A]

it was probably nice to some degree to kind of feel like you met other women that shared what you were doing.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. And so, in a way, I felt safer. But also, my husband was just a creep. He was a creep. And now he had access to an unlimited supply of women because I knew about five or six of their models in Toronto. And I remember one time I threw a party, like a house party, and I had all of them over and I'm obviously not gonna say who the model was that this happened to, but this was, like, one of my. Should have been more red flags. There were red flags, but this one really struck me, like, in a way that I'm just like, who are these men that I'm always involved with? And I blame myself a lot of the time. But this model, she was a bigger. Bigger. She had a bigger bottom, like me. You know, we were very similar shaped and everything, and we. My husband was, like, in the middle. Like, we're on this big couch. I'm on one side of him. He's in the middle. There's an open seat. My friend comes out from the bathroom at this party, my house party, and she's wearing a dress just like a normal regular sundress. And as she goes to sit down next to him, he puts his hand like this, straight up, so it goes straight up her dress and up her bottom. And she kind of. You know, he's kind of, like, laughing, and she's kind of laughing off, but I'm looking at her, and I'm like, she's really uncomfortable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, what do you say in that? Like, at the time, I'm like, 20, whatever. And, like, I wish this was. That was me. Now I would be throwing hands. I would be throwing hands not because that was my husband, but because he's assaulting my friend, Assaulting a woman. And it just was one of those things that was super normalized in general in the community. When I say community, I mean, like the fat community, the feederism community, but we generally say the community, so I might just say that frequently. And when I say the industry, it's more like the modeling side of it. So in the community, it was very normalized and okay to grope and touch fat women because it just felt like we were just. We owed them. That is what it kind of felt like. But, no, that was very normal and frequent behavior, not only from my husband, but just from the men in general.

[A]

Even towards you?

[B]

Towards me, for sure. Yeah. So it was one of those things, too, that I felt almost guilty to call out because I was so warped and wrapped into that world and financially that I would feel guilty calling them out on toxic behavior. Because I was also grateful that I was being funded. Like, my lifestyle was. I could do whatever. I could travel. I could do whatever. And I did end up going on the Tyra Banks show, really, when I was 20 years old. I'm married to this guy, and this was around the time where I was wanting to Leave him. Like, I wasn't with him very long before I was like, I need to get out. Not only because I thought he was creepy and it sucked being with him, but like, he was a predator. Like, he just was not. Not a good person. And it felt too much like my stepfather, who. Where I still didn't understand the connect. Like, I still didn't at that time, didn't understand. Cause on the Tyre Banks show episode, I rewatched it recently and I could see, like, I'm like 20 years a fresh 20 year old, and I'm like sitting there, like, wringing my hands in my lap when my step. The topic of my stepfather came up because my mother went on the show as well. And my husband at the time was there because the whole episode was about. I wanted to lose weight and I didn't want to get bigger than what I was basically, like, I didn't want to get over 400. Like, I kept making boundaries for myself. But at the time of getting on Tyra, I think I was around 350 or more. £350. But this is when my husband was, like, doing the weird stuff with my friends and, like, just continuing the toxic behavior. But he would literally grab my belly and be like, don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. Don't shrink. But then he would also cheat on me with skinny women. And I'm just like, yeah, okay. It just really messed me up. It really messed me up. Not skinny women, but just women that were, like, smaller. And I'm just like, why is. Instead of being like, this is messed up, I was just like, why is he choosing a smaller woman when I'm not allowed to?

[A]

Like, everything was just around your weight, your looks and everything.

[B]

And back onto the show. I brought all that up on the show. And when my mom said, I'm sure Jessica got this idea from her stepfather, or she goes, my ex husband, her stepfather, he was into bigger women too. And I am like, wringing my hands in my lap and I'm like, oh, my God, you wanted to say it so bad. Then. Like, I wanted to say it so bad. I'm like watching myself. It's like interstellar. When he's like. He's like yelling. It's like, I just. I wanted to say it so bad. But, like, all I said was, well, he was really positive about it. He was like, big women are beautiful. And. And I meant that because that's what he did say to me. He's like, big women are beautiful and you should look like this. But I never went deep into how deep it went because I honestly didn't really recognize the depth of it at that time. But something in me did. But I can see how uncomfortable I was just when my stepfather came up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's, like, the only evidence I have, like, physically that I could go off of.

[A]

And it's interesting, I feel like, for. For you to be able to look back and realize, like, okay, I definitely knew in my gut something was off, but I just didn't really. You didn't know how to identify it then and, like, label it for what it was?

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. Cause I was just trying to deal with what was in front of me. Like, I'm just like, how do I express to my husband that I can't realistically be this for you and live a happy life? And just obviously the cheating in general is not good, but I was still willing to work on things. But, like, it was. He kind of backpedaled. He backpedaled and basically made it seem like it wasn't toxic or anywhere near emotional abuse. And of course, Tyra's, like, sensationalized and stuff, but, like, she called him out. You know, she's like, you're backpedaling. Okay. Yeah, kind of thing, but.

[A]

And in that relationship that you were in, when you guys weren't filming or making content, were there things that he would still make you do in your own time together? Like, just within the relationship, off camera, like, feederism wise?

[B]

Honestly, it wasn't really that bad. Okay. Like, it was. I can't really specifically remember, like, our everyday food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was just, like, normal, but it wasn't

[A]

like he was doing what your stepdad was doing. Like, bringing food in the middle of the night.

[B]

Yeah. Like, not like. Like, not using it as, like, a psychological tactic to, like. I don't know.

[A]

It was different.

[B]

It was more of the, like, I'm gonna sleep with women that are smaller than you while you're not allowed to get smaller. Yeah. And it was more just like, again, I think, you know, I was beautiful. I'm still, you know, beautiful, no matter what my size. I just wanted to be healthier. I didn't like how I was feeling. I didn't, like. I didn't like the rapidness of the weight gain either because, well, it was hard to find clothes, first of all. I was just. It was. It was health, but I was more worried about the clothes. I was like. I was like, I can't fit in anything. There's nothing. This is the early 2000s. Like, well, almost 2010. But like, there was nothing for plus size clothes. And I wanted to be cute. I didn't want to look like a little grandma at 20 years old.

[A]

Right. Like, you want to feel good?

[B]

Yeah. So I was just trying to be my best self and it felt impossible. So around 21, I got divorced from him and I moved in with my stepdad, the one that groomed me, the feeder stepdad.

[A]

Was that a hard decision for you to make?

[B]

It was. I was in survival still.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, no other option. I can't go back. I still couldn't really go back home. This wasn't, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was on better terms with my mother, but they still lived in like a small home and it was just not feasible. And I was just like, okay, my stepdad has a home. He lives by himself. And he just said, I just want you to cook and clean. So I didn't have to pay rent. So I was just grateful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To land somewhere and not be homeless. I had been living with my best friend's family before that, like for short term, but again, not realistic. So I was just like, I have to do what I gotta do. But he took my content photos for my website. Really? Yeah. Not all of them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yeah, Some nude. Yeah. There was a few sets that were renewed. Yeah.

[A]

Did it make you feel uncomfortable?

[B]

Absolutely. Like, when I think back to it, I'm like, that is really weird. Like, I would probably not probably, but I would justify in my head at the time because I'm like, he's not my biological father and he understands this world. He, like, knows what's, you know, popular and what could make money. He knows the angles. Like, I'm just thinking of it, like, financially too. So I'm not trying to be like, you know, he's forcing me to do these. But it's weird. It is weird. And I'm sitting in his home because I had no other option either. So that was a temporary situation. Again, I bounced around with men because that was just my survival tactic. And I had an unlimited supply, it feels like, of men that I could attach myself to because of feuderism in the fat community. That was a survival tactic. And I moved in with my. I got pregnant with my. I met my son's father at my. Because I went back to community college too. So I did go back to school when I lived with my stepdad and I was still producing content, but I wanted to, like, finish school or try to. And I met my. What would be my Son's father there. And I moved in with him pretty quickly. But again, he wasn't a feeder, but he was still like fat admirer. Obsessed with the. More of a porn addict more than anything. And I felt hypocritical because of the adult content I made. I felt like I wasn't allowed to say no to this man about how, I don't know, it was just. He would show me other porn and be like, you need to do this. We need to do this. It was just like I never was just desired because of me and who I am. It was like, what else could you do for me? How could you act out my fantasy?

[A]

Everything was about sexual pleasure.

[B]

And yeah, so, you know, I could sit here and be like, they were horrible to me. But like, also, it just. It just felt like that's what I was supposed to do. Like, I don't. I don't know. You didn't really know anything different. Yeah, like, I didn't. I didn't know how else to explain it even now because I'm like, well, I was an adult. I was an adult. I am an adult, but I'm just like, okay, this is how life goes. And I would, I would even say I feel like I've sat in my victim as I got older. I would say probably I'm gonna just like launch it forward to like Covid times. Okay. Cause I'm still deep into the modeling. Like, I'm making good money. I have two children at this time now. I had retired from the Multigirl site that I started with years before, like the first site I had ever started with and shifted into OnlyFans. And I thought I could take more of my power back kind of thing. And it's not that like I didn't have power with that website. I don't wanna like blame them at all. Cause like, everything I did with them was consensual. It was like the outside relationships, the outside community that I struggled with finding peace with. So I sat in my victimhood, my story, for so long. And this is when I started opening up more in therapy around 2020. 2021 is like I dove deep into it and I was very thankful for that because I. There was a lot to unpack. And I'm not just saying like just the stepdad, feeder stuff. There was a lot of other stuff too. But as you know, just of circumstance, you know, it all gets wrapped, wrapped up and stuff. So 2022, something like that, I finally opened up to my therapist and we had a good professional relationship. Like, And I told her I was like, you know, I'm an adult content creator, and it's fat fetish. It's like. And then she's like, this would have been great information to know, like, a

[A]

long time ago, three, four years ago.

[B]

And then she's like, so much is making sense now. Yeah, for her, it was like a boom. Like, that was. And I was like, okay. I had a lot of shame admitting it to her because I didn't want to seem like I'm making excuses for. I don't know, it was just so interesting. Like, I don't know why my brain did that, but that's when I really started unraveling all the, like, oh, that was grooming. Because I would always say, like, he never touched me. Yeah, he never touched me. Never. And. But it was just the setup of it. I don't. It's just. But my therapist, she would have shook me if she could. Like, she's just like, that's still abuse. It's still abuse.

[A]

So after you figured out what was actually happening with your stepdad, kind of looking back through the years, did you cut him off? Did that change the relationship?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I was getting to a point where he would, like, send me photos of, like, my friends who were modeling. He was like, oh, can you hook me up with them? I mean, he had always done that, but it was getting, like, to a point of harassment. And I'm just like, they don't want you. I was getting. I'm mean, I was getting mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I was just like, I'm done with this.

[A]

Like, bye.

[B]

But like, my mom still. I don't want to blow up all her stuff. Okay. But my mom still had a toxic connection to him. Like, I know that he was still harassing her as well. And when I blocked him in 2016, I never really heard the end of it because, like, it's like. But I don't wanna. I don't want him in my life. I don't want him. And as far. My mom died in 2023. As far as I know, he was harassing her up until her death because my mom would, you know, she always wanted me to lose weight. She always wanted me to lose weight and be happy and be healthy. That was a given. Okay. But she was very not okay with the work I did. She claimed I was in a cult. And there is cult like mentality in this. This community. Like, it's very, very tied into. If you call it out, you're by. You're not good. Like, if you call out anything, they. They take it on as like. They're all like. Like, I'm not telling you you're all like this, but there are aspects that are horrible. But, yeah, my mom, she. She very much wanted me to get out of it. And what my stepdad would do, my ex step. You know, not my mom's current husband at the time, but my stepdad would send her photos of my content, and it would make her spiral out and be more. Even more worried for me and be like, I see what you look like now. This is, you know, I'm over 600 at this point. And she's rightfully worried. But then there's that, like, layer of, like, what is he doing sending that to her? He's not sending it to her because he's worried. He's sending her my explicit photos to taunt her, because that's what he's always done is humiliate women for his kink. And he thought it was hilarious. And I'm assuming that it's what got him off.

[A]

Did you and your mom ever discuss his grooming?

[B]

No.

[A]

So it was kind of just like. It was what? It was like. You figured it out.

[B]

I think she passed away thinking that I slept with him and that it was just a toxic mess. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Did you ever want to talk to her about it?

[B]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And at the time, I also defended that work, too, though, because I'm like, this is, you know, what I got. Because she would say, it's a cult. She wanted me to completely get out of it, but I struggled with that because I'm now so deeply intertwined. I'm, like, unemployable everywhere else because I'm just like. I don't know what else I could do that would make the same money, because if I did anything else, it would just not be enough. It would not be enough to raise my family. And I was terrified of losing my family. I was terrified of losing my kids. As a single mother, I won't go too much into this, but my biggest fear was losing my kids. And that ended up happening because I was over 700 pounds. And when my mom passed three years ago, I went into, like, the deepest, darkest grief hole. You know, when you lose your mother, you always expect it, but it's just. I went into this grief spiral, and I. I will just say I, like, rotted away in my bed. And I was always kind of cocky with my weight. I'm tall. I was always healthy for a big girl, but I was always Cocky with my weight. I'm like, oh, I'm healthy. I'm fine, whatever. But when I didn't get up anymore for months at a time. Yeah, your muscle mass goes real quick. Your health goes real quick. It comes at you fast. And I. It just was getting worse. Like, I had stopped driving. I stopped taking care of myself because I only had energy to take care of my kids. I just kept by the default. I was like, by default. I need to make sure my kids are okay. But it's that thing, like when you're on an airplane, they're like, help yourself first before you help someone else. I didn't. I didn't do that. So my health drastically declined.

[A]

How long did you stay in bed for?

[B]

I think in 2023, it started getting bad in the middle of the year. So, like, summer to. Well, God, it was nearly two years, over a year and a half at least. I developed really severe, like, lipidemia, lymphedemia. I was having a hell of a time getting insurance to approve me for anything. That was another layer. Was like, no medical places were taking me seriously. It was all just get weight loss surgery. And I'm like, I know, but, like, I need other help.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, you know, bless my doctor. He. He did the best he could fighting insurance, but they just. I was diagnosed with, like, stage four lipidemia with lymphedemia in 2023, the end of 2023, and fought my insurance for nearly a year to get approved, and then they never did for treatment. Yeah. So. And just in a series of unfortunate events, like, it was like the end of 2023. It was like I started having these, like, weird seizures from. Because I was laying down all the time. I would, like, feel like. I feel like, like, water in my head. Like, I would just feel like, ugh. Like, you know, And I just never wanted. I just. It was uncomfortable to get up.

[A]

Would you get up to, like, shower, Use the bathroom or anything?

[B]

My bathroom was in my. I had, like, an ensuite.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then my kids had their own bathroom as well. And at this point, I was all fortunate enough. The man that I was dating at the time, he would, like, pay for, like, housekeeping and stuff like that. So for a while, like, house was fine. Like, not raising my kids the best because I couldn't even leave the house. But things were okay for a little bit. But when the end of the year of 2023, I wasn't getting up the shower. I would do, like, the bed baths is what I would Call it. Like, I could barely get up to go to the bathroom. That would wind me and it would be like, 10ft to the bathroom. But, yeah, I would have these weird, like, dizzy spells and my muscles were so weak, my body just couldn't support itself anymore. And I had then got Covid right after that, and then pneumonia and then had some sort of skin infection and stuff. So I was just like, back to back to back, trying to just survive in my bed. I had been stuck in bed from November 2023 to April 2024. That was like, the biggest length of time where, like, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything but lay in bed. My hair was so matted. My hair was so matted, I had to cut my hair off. Like, my hair was, like, longer than this and it's super thick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had to cut it off. I just was like, it. I can't do this. And I felt a lot of shame because, well, my. My kids, fathers, they weren't really around. They were. That's a whole nother thing. But, like, the one. My. My daughter's father, he knew what was happening, but that he. He's still a current frustration. So I'm just like, let's not get too angry about it there. But, like, he. He knew what was happening. And I would beg my children's fathers for help if they were very much vacation dads, they love their kids, but they were very much like, you got this. You've. You've always had this, right? Like, but when I needed help, it wasn't their responsibility, of course, to take care of me, but they did need to take care of their kids when I couldn't. And then in April 2024, my best friend, he passed away from cancer. And then it was just another hit, another grief, and I just spiraled out of control. And my son, love him, he did nothing wrong. He's 12 at the time, he. He called help for help because he was worried about me. But then they. They got taken away, and it was cited literally, in the. The papers from the police. Mother over 700 pounds and can't take care of her children. And I was like, whoa, whoa.

[A]

And how long were they taken?

[B]

They're still with their fathers now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. They were separated, and it was very traumatic for everyone. It was just like an immediate, like, it was just like one second they were there and they were gone, like. And I was. I was housebound, so I couldn't even go see them if I wanted to. And it was just like, this big thing, because I didn't lose them because of abuse. It was neglect due to circumstance. And that was, like, the hardest thing to accept. And to me, that was like the ultimate, like, okay, what I thought I was doing was right, by, you know, doing the work that I did. But I was like, that is not worth losing my kids. It was never worth that or my health. I was like, I'm not gonna cry.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

When it comes to my kids, though, that's everything, right? That's everything.

[A]

100%. Because it's not about. It's no longer just about you, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And, Yeah, my addiction was really bad in 2024, like, that. I had addiction issues over the years, but I had. As soon as I lost my kids, I was just like, I don't care about myself anymore. Like, I was hoping to die. I was really, really hoping to die. And I was isolated in my bed. My kids were gone. I had felt like there was no way for me to fight for them back. I was seen as a villain. I was painted out to be this horrible villain, this horrible monster. But from the outside, it did look horrible. It did. And so I wanted to die. I went harder into my prescription abuse. Amphetamines, benzos. Very reliant on using the amphetamines to be able to, like, get up and do anything, and then relied on the benzos and muscle relaxers to even try to sleep.

[A]

And you were just mainly by yourself during this time?

[B]

Oh, I was by myself, yeah.

[A]

Were you still making content at this point?

[B]

No, I was just kind of coasting on only fans revenue from what I already had done.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was back and forth between wanting to retire and just disappearing completely. Yeah. And, like, you know, I didn't want to admit what happened. Like, a lot of my fans, like, were like. Were like, why are you retiring? Like, oh, we don't want to see you lose weight. But I just wanted to be like, the reason I don't have my family is because of my weight. But I felt like I couldn't say that because it's like, well, this is my fault. This is my fault. Like, this. They didn't. You know, my fans didn't tell me to gain that much weight and rot away in my bed and neglect my children. They didn't tell me that. But I also didn't feel like I could say that as a reason why I need to go away. I need to change. I don't know. It was just very. I don't Know how to explain it? It's still fresh. It's still so fresh.

[A]

No, and it makes sense sometimes. You don't, you don't have to have the words to explain, you know, exactly.

[B]

But my, my kids being gone, they, that, that, you know, my addiction picked up, but so did my like, thirst for revenge. And you know, I went through a whole cycle of like, roller coaster. Of like. Yeah, like I said I wanted to die. It's not funny. Understandably so though, like, I wanted to go and I, I purposely overdosed October 1, 2024. I don't know how or why I survived something like, more powerful than me, I feel like. And maybe it was my future self, but something literally, I remember like being okay with dying, but something in my head woke me up and literally I could hear it screaming, saying, get the fuck up, Jess. Get the fuck up. And I just like, I don't even know how. I don't know how I took enough to kill a 700 pound person. And I, Yeah, I did a good number on myself. I spent nine days in the hospital. I.

[A]

Did you call for help?

[B]

Yeah, I did. I just remember like 10 people coming in my house. Like, it's very blurry, it's very choppy, but I just remember.

[A]

And they probably do they have to get you out, like lift you out of there.

[B]

I had a wheelchair at the time because insurance didn't approve my lipidemia stuff and my muscles were like gone. Right. They did approve a wheelchair though. So. Right. I had a wheelchair that I used to get around the house. I could walk, but obviously I was. So I just taken everything in my arsenal. I couldn't walk. I just remember like, there was like several people. I just remember like one was a woman. There was a big man behind me. There was someone like, I mean, they're like put like pulling me up into this wheelchair. And I know they like backed up the, like pulled the ambulance in my yard and like backed it right up to my door. So I, I, I basically was like thrown in the ambulance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, and I remember laughing too. I remember laughing. There was like a cop there and it was the cop that was there when my kids were gone.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

I do remember that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I, and he's just like, how are things? I was like, you tell me. And I was laughing. I'm like, this was several months after my kids were gone.

[A]

So

[B]

I see that as my now this is my second life. Like, I'm like living.

[A]

That was the turning point.

[B]

Yeah. That, that I got sober and I Survived. I survived that. And it just hit me. Yeah, that just hit me. Yeah, I survived that. And I've just been like, non stop, go, go, go since then. 2025. This past year was just so transformative in the way of, like, identifying the core. And obviously all the therapy helped and everything previously, but, like, now I'm just like, now I actually have to take action. I just, like, I don't know where it came from, but I just launched myself, launched myself forward because I wanted to get my kids back.

[A]

Do you think that after figuring out, like, through therapy and just through everything that's happened, do you think after figuring out the core cause of everything and just like this ripple of events, do you think that it's made it more difficult for you to continue in this industry?

[B]

Yeah, like, so I'm still in it. I am making clearer boundaries, though.

[A]

Okay, you're not.

[B]

Just like before, I was so afraid to admit that I couldn't do that anymore because it meant losing a huge chunk of my income and security. But for my kids. But I already lost everything. I already died and came back. What else do I have to lose but a bunch of weight and getting kids back, you know, So I just wanted to. It took more time, but I have a lot of wonderful friends too. I have amazing friends and I. This made me emotional too. It's okay.

[A]

It's good to be emotional.

[B]

My. My friends are amazing. They're why I'm still here, you know, And a lot of them understand the nuance of this industry and why it is so hard to walk away from any sort of sex work or adult work, especially when it's been so ingrained in your entire life and that. What else? You know, I would love to just like, jump into full time, like, you know, content creation main. I. I'm trying to do more mainstream stuff. Like I do plus size traveling stuff now, but for now, I still have to do. Well, I say have to, but, yeah, I have to. I have to do this while I'm transitioning to something else. But like I said, clear boundaries. I don't necessarily directly say weight loss on my adult platforms because they don't. They want a fantasy.

[A]

I was gonna say, how are the people in that community reacting to you losing weight?

[B]

Yeah. So on my mainstream platforms where it's not adult oriented, I'm very open about my weight loss journey. And I. I'm also mindful of, like, the body positive community. I still want to be fat positive and body positive, like, all of that. So I'm not Trying to be too, like, diet central and weight loss obsessed.

[A]

It's more so about health, your health.

[B]

It's a wellness journey, but weight loss is a huge part of that, and that's just the reality of it. Like, I was over £700. Like, I. I had to lose weight. And I don't talk about that on my paid platforms, but obviously my fans find me on other stuff. And oh, my gosh, the comments on my videos where I'm just talking about getting healthier and I'm obviously happier and things like that. There's comments that are literally like, your beauty was only in your excessive weight was one of the comments that I remember. So, like, it just happened a couple months ago. I got weight loss surgery, and I'm just like, really? That's what you think? Like, I can understand I'm a fantasy for you, but, like, in real life, this is what they're thinking. Like, there's no distinction.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I think that was the hardest part for me to grapple was like, I spent all this time trying to separate it because they didn't. Weight gain and feederism isn't something I enjoyed. This was like, a product of, like, your environment. Yeah, I didn't want that, but. Yeah, no, they didn't like it. But at the same time, I did have a lot of them coming out and being like, I'm very happy for you. You seem happier. Like, but there is that divide.

[A]

Like, do you. Are you worried that you're going to lose a chunk of your fan base the more weight?

[B]

I already have.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I had to just get over that fear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just had to. That's why I wanted. Oh, that's what I wanted to get into was my friends. Like, they. They're like, they just fully are. Like, we are supporting you, and we are here to remind you you're worth way more than that. Absolutely. And I'll find my audience.

[A]

You will.

[B]

I'll find my audience, and the right people will stay. And I just have to be like, this is what you get now. Like, you either like me or you don't.

[A]

Yeah. And I think, too, you know, you are opening up a door for an entire entirely new community.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, people that want to go on this wellness journey and want and with you and.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And I think that. I think that it only makes you more relatable that you. You don't fit into one category. You know, you are somebody that's tapped into so many different aspects and parts of you in your life. Like, you've struggled with, with addiction. You've struggled with trauma, you've struggled with being groomed. There's so many different parts of you that different people could relate to those different things. And I think that that opens a door to something completely different on social media.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I just, from what I've already shared. Oh my gosh. I get so many private messages from women.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

That are just like, that was my goal. If I could help one other person, that's. I want to create that ripple effect. And then hopefully they create their own ripple effect. And it just keeps going, like, in a positive direction because that's what I want to do. Like, I have platforms, I want to be able to promote that. But I also wanted to call out the predatory behavior and especially people like my stepdad, my ex stepfather, who. That was his ripple effect on me. Like, look what happened.

[A]

Yeah. And I think too, it's because, and I say this because I know how people can be in the comments. I, I think it's important for people to know too, that it's not about putting the blame on somebody. But as a child, that is such a crucial time. And you, I mean, this is whether you're a child or you're an adult, you are what you surround yourself with. You become to a certain degree what you're taught. And that was what was set up for you. And how were you supposed to know any different? And I think when you come into so much money at such a young age, nothing else really does compare to that. And anyone can say whatever they want. Like, oh, what if your kids see it? Or, you know, people will always want to make comments about sex work.

[B]

You want to know what I say to that, though?

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Like the kids. What if your kids see it? I'm not going to tell them about it until it's an appropriate age. Because it's not appropriate to tell a kid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

If a kid happens to see it, I'll be like, this is something that mommy does. Like, for adults. You shouldn't be seeing this.

[A]

I'm not really, it's really none of their business.

[B]

It's none of their. It's not their business.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

It's not children's business. It's not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was very strict with keeping that separate. Like, very, very strict. They think I'm famous on, like, YouTube and stuff. Like, they, they, they. That. That's why I have separate, like, names, like stage name for adult, different name for my.

[A]

And you, you do what you gotta do, you know, And I think that the. Your story is extremely interesting because I, like we talked about in the beginning and it isn't a topic that I think a lot of people are very familiar with unless they're into it. So I think it's important in that sense to spread that awareness, but also just how it happened and how it came about. Because whether it's somebody that's groomed into that community, in that world, or even just sex work in general or, or any type of trauma, people can relate to that and to you for so many different reasons. It doesn't have to directly be to that degree, you know, or to. In that same. What's the word?

[B]

Category. Yeah, exactly. But that's like a lot of who I've been impacting though. I mean, obviously people outside of that world too. But I've got a lot of private messages from other bigger women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That are just like thank you at the core of it. Thank you for just being out there and. Cuz that should be normalized like healing yourself and not being. Yeah. I don't know how to describe it.

[A]

I get it. Do you, do you enjoy what you're doing now?

[B]

Oh my God, I love it.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

That's all that matters. Yeah.

[B]

I love the, the. I'm trying to deep dive deeper into the. The plus size travel and the wellness

[A]

stuff creates more balance. I think it allows you, I think, to tap into more of who you are at your core rather than just having to have that other Persona.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So which I feel like is probably rewarding.

[B]

It is. I had went viral last summer, summer 2025. And it was just a simple video of me trying those. One of those like fitness hula hoops with the links.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm just being myself and I'm like, oh my God. Like this is so goofy. But overlaid on top of it is like text of like my story. Like, okay. Like I've spent the last two summers, you know, rotting away in bed. I was not going to waste life anymore. And that really took off. And a weight loss surgeon in Mexico, his wife saw it and then they contacted me and offered me a collaboration.

[A]

And that's when you got the surgery.

[B]

And they, they crazy. And now we're. That. That was like one of the best things that have ever happened to me.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how was that, how did that surgery go?

[B]

Was it great?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I had it a couple, almost three, like two and a half months ago now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how was the. When we had spoken did you have it yet?

[B]

Yeah, I had. I had it like. Like a month before that or so. Month and a half.

[A]

And then how was the. Was the recovery tough at all? Was it painful?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just kept going.

[A]

Okay, good for you.

[B]

I actually should have probably recovered more, but I just kept traveling. I had it like December 9 and then went back home to Ohio like a week and a half after that. And then I spent the holidays with my kids in Ohio, and I flew after New Year's with my daughter to Vegas, and she's there with her father, so I was flying her back home, and I just haven't seen. Stopped. Like, you just. You saw me in traveling. I was just like, yeah, I don't stop. Like, I'm going to be home for, like, one day and then I'm going to Chicago. Like, I'm just gone.

[A]

I love it, and I love that throughout, that you can kind of just be yourself now and take. I think it's your time to take your control back in whatever way that works for you now, you know, And I think it. There's no rush, you know, like, whatever. I think that's a very important thing to remember as well, is, like, when you mentioned that you're still doing your adult content and eventually, you know, you'll transition into whatever else comes next. Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've made such a big change already, and for yourself, and I even feel like for your mental health and just kind of almost go. It's not easy to backpedal and relive and understand what we've went through and what has happened. And I think that can. Can be very exhausting.

[B]

And there's a lot of shame. You gotta fight.

[A]

Yeah. Within yourself. And I think that's the hardest shame, is to kind of come face to

[B]

face with your sitting here retelling this. I'm like, oh, my God, am I, like, Am I allowed to be saying this? Yeah, like, I. I'm.

[A]

It's difficult.

[B]

Does this make me look like a. Like a victim?

[A]

No. And the thing is, is, like, I, at the whole point of the show is I p. I want people to get vulnerable. I want. There's a power in that, and anybody that uses that against you, they got a whole lot of work to do on that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That stuff that is on them, that is not on you. And I try to remind people of that all the time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you own your story. You telling your story, you making your own decisions every day. That's your power, and that is no one else's Business at all. And you are helping so many people, men, women, whoever that have experienced what you've been through or even, just like I said, any one or two aspects of your story. That's why. That's what I would encourage you to do, is continue to share all the different parts of your story. Not even just the weight loss aspect or the feederism aspect, any of that. Like, even just the trauma what you experienced in certain parts of the community. Because there's so many people that can relate, whether they're freaking double extra small or whatever.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

You know, you don't have to be. You don't have to look alike or be going through the same thing to relate to somebody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At all.

[B]

Yeah. I appreciate you saying that.

[A]

Of course. It's so true, though.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly. And. And part of the, you know, journey and everything too, has been like, reclaim, like, who am I outside of that.

[A]

Yeah. Because that has been my identity your whole life.

[B]

That was my identity. Yeah. And it's like I felt. I still feel a little lost. That's normal. But that's part of finding who I am now.

[A]

I think if you weren't lost, then where. Where would be the force and, like, where would be and why would I be doing this?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like, you have to feel a little lost. And I think that, you know, everyone's journey is so different. And there's some people that they start finding themselves when they're super young. There's people that don't find themselves until they're 40 or 50 years old.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There is no linear time frame on that. But I think that I agree with you. It seems that that moment of you overdosing was so pivotal and you're stepping into this new chapter of your life. It's like part. Like part one, part two, and you're stepping into this new place where you're able to figure out who are you in here. None of the. This is all just a shell. None of this defines. Defines us. And it's okay if a big portion of your life was that. I mean, we're. We're here for different reasons, but that's

[B]

the well of experience now I can draw on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To propel myself forward.

[A]

Everyone has a history.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, like we. And unfortunately, sometimes we don't have a control on that. And you were set up to not really have a say or control in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's okay, though, because it. It. Even though there's been struggles in your life, some really difficult ones, you know, they've gotten to you to where you are today. And I've always. I'm a huge believer in the universe. God, whatever you believe, wouldn't put these things on your plate if you couldn't handle them.

[B]

Yeah. And I. I also. I say that, but then I also am like, it's not like I asked to be hurt, but I am now. I'm grateful for now learning from it and get to use that to turn into power.

[A]

And looking back and seeing where you were and where you are now, that's pretty. That's pretty motivational. And that's all motivation from yourself.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

You know, and that's what you have to remember. Nobody else did that. You did that.

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying to, like, fully, like, not live by. Yeah. I live greatly by the dualities of life. Like, especially in this sense, is like, holding gratitude and grief and, like, they can work together.

[A]

Absolutely. You need one for the other with anything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[A]

They're like, I. I think that we all have to go through one to feel another and vice versa.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Wow. I like that.

[A]

Good, good.

[B]

I'm glad.

[A]

A little inspiration over here,

[B]

but, yeah, I. That's where I'm at now.

[A]

Like, it just day by day, that's all you can do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So where can people find you? They. You have TikTok Instagram.

[B]

TikTok Instagram and Facebook page. Yeah.

[A]

And then all your other links are on there.

[B]

Yeah. So it's just tea cakes. That's my mainstream wellness journey. Travel journey.

[A]

I love it. And I'll link everything to send me everything. I can link it all.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

But no, I think this was incredible. Like I said, I feel like. I love that you have so many different aspects to your story, because I think that people would be so interested in, honestly, like, the kink aspect in the sense that it is something that's taboo. It is something that people that don't know about it are gonna be like, wait, really? Like that exists or what's that? But then it goes to show, too, that at the end of the day, we are all just human. We all have a soul that just craves to be loved and supported and heard. And your journey shows that. Because I think it's really, really, really, really, really easy to judge somebody on social media based on what they do.

[B]

Insanely so.

[A]

Yes. Based on what they look like, what they do, and everything else in between. But I think that no matter what you do, and I think social media can be an amazing tool. It can also be super toxic, but it can be an amazing Tool. And I think that you're using it now in a way that can really help others. But I do think there's always. Even though, like, how I mentioned before how I feel like now you're kind of tapping into. You're showing more of who you are, like, truly you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And your personality in your heart and soul. I do think it's still good to kind of keep some of that to yourself because there's always going to be assholes and bullies, and you should never let that those people take away from who you are on the inside.

[B]

I keep a lot of my spiritual revelations.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's very personal.

[A]

It's personal. And that's something that people should never be able to see and take power from.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they will. People. Oh, there's always somebody out there that wants to be an ass.

[B]

Yeah. I'm very much like. There's a lot of people who are just monitoring, like, your. Your energy. And it's not.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

No.

[A]

And it's whatever life should be. Whatever you want it to be. Some days that might change. There might be days that you feel up here and you feel like you are 10 steps ahead, and there might be days that you feel like you just backpedaled by five steps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's okay. I think it's just about giving ourself grace and realizing, like, this is where I was at one point. Here's where I am now. I've worked my ass off to get here. No matter what that might look like. Doesn't matter if it. Half the world thinks it's the worst thing in the world. Doesn't matter. It's your life. That's all that matters. You know, nothing anybody else has to say matters.

[B]

Yeah. That's. I struggle with that a little bit.

[A]

It's hard.

[B]

Like, when I was getting the surgery, like, right before, I'm just like. I joked around actually going back to, like, people monitoring I. My car. I was on, like, a road trip, and I was supposed to go back home. Before I flew out to get my surgery, I got broken down and stuck in New Mexico for two weeks.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I documented the whole thing, but. And then I was violently sick for two weeks. And I'm sitting here and I'm like, did someone pay an Etsy Witch or something? Then what am I One thing after.

[A]

But that's how it happens. Yeah.

[B]

And I was just like. I just could feel like. I just. I was like, there's just like, is this not gonna happen? Like, it just felt like it wasn't gonna happen. But I'm glad it did. And I feel unstoppable now.