Daughter's Father is a Child Molester

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: We're All Insane

Host: Devorah Roloff
Episode: Daughter's Father is a Child Molester
Date: June 21, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This deeply raw and unfiltered episode features a woman recounting her journey through abusive relationships, childhood trauma, single motherhood, and her ex-partner’s arrest and conviction for child molestation. The guest courageously shares how intergenerational patterns, religious upbringing, neglect, and her fight for her daughter's safety shaped her path. The core of her story is resilience: how she navigated betrayal, grief, and shame, and now uses her voice to support and inspire others facing similar struggles.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Family Life and Relationship Standards ([00:59]–[04:05])

• Grew up in a small rural town with a highly restrictive Jehovah’s Witness upbringing, sheltering her from mainstream culture and social experiences.
• Experienced instability from witnessing her mother endure two abusive marriages and poverty while raising eight children.
• Insight: These early experiences set the stage for the guest’s low standards in relationships, equating a lack of physical abuse with being treated well.

  "When I remember thinking to myself, he doesn't hit me, so that means he's a good boyfriend." — Interviewee [00:59]

2. Early Romantic Relationships and First Pregnancy ([04:05]–[06:01])

• Met her eventual ex in high school; the relationship was marked by cheating and manipulation, escalating into a porn addiction and sexual coercion.
• Initial fears of motherhood were rooted in trauma—her mother’s hardships and her brother’s early death.
• Turning Point: Pregnancy brought unexpected joy and clarity, but the relationship's dysfunction became increasingly clear, especially when medical emergencies during pregnancy were met with total neglect from her partner.

3. Motherhood, Neglect, and Single Parenting ([06:01]–[10:35])

• Describes physical and emotional isolation during medical crises in pregnancy and childbirth.
• After her daughter's birth, lack of support intensified. The ex lost his job, refused to stop using drugs, and disengaged from parenting.
• Decisively left the relationship when her daughter was six months old, moving in with anyone who could offer shelter, and working three jobs to survive.

4. Co-Parenting Struggles and Escalation of Neglect ([15:41]–[20:04])

• Attempted healthy co-parenting, reluctant to be viewed as "the bitter baby mom."
• Encounters continual neglect of their daughter during the ex’s visits: hygiene issues, untreated diaper rashes, and unsafe choices.

  "She would always have poopy diapers...this is bordering neglect." — Interviewee [15:47]

• Final straw came when the ex ignored medical advice for their sick daughter.

  "A doctor said she needed to go to the ER...and you thought you knew better." — Interviewee [18:28]

5. Legal Steps: Gaining Custody and Setting Boundaries ([20:23]–[24:03])

• Transitioned to supervised visitation and sought full legal and physical custody—granted when the ex failed to appear in court (over Zoom).

  "I was shocked...it was over zoom too. Like all you do is click a link." — Interviewee [21:03]

• The ex showed little interest in improved involvement, dodged child support, remained unemployed, and made no efforts to change.

6. Personal Growth and New Relationship ([24:04]–[31:18])

• Realized the importance of setting a healthy example for her daughter, focusing on healing and self-worth.
• Entered a healthy relationship with a new partner, who became a loving, intentional father figure after about a year.

  "He was the first person I was like, wow, you actually treat me the way I deserve to be treated." — Interviewee [27:34]

• The new partner proactively learned how to parent, providing stability and support for both mother and daughter.

7. Discovery of Ex’s Crimes ([31:18]–[36:59])

• In July 2025, receives a devastating message: Her ex is arrested for seven felony counts of lewd conduct with a minor under 16.
• Grapples with shock, betrayal, and a deep depressive episode, struggling to function on a daily basis.
• Finds comfort in adopting a puppy as an emotional support animal, helping establish routine and motivation during profound depression.

8. Aftermath, Protection, and Legal Action ([39:46]–[53:39])

• Makes quick decisions to cut all contact, block jail calls, and consult about terminating parental rights for her daughter's safety.
• Struggles with the legal complexity and costs of the process, finding little support from public legal aid.
• Begins sharing her story anonymously on TikTok to process pain and find community:

  "If I hadn't have shared my story, I would be in a very different position right now and it would not be a good one." — Interviewee [70:13]

9. Viral Storytelling & Community Response ([54:29]–[58:41])

• Initial online disclosure was met with negativity and victim-blaming (e.g., "you chose him"), but as her posts gained traction, she was flooded with support and found solidarity with many women in similar situations.

  "Manipulators...they chose you. They targeted you." — Interviewee [76:46]

• Her viral TikTok video enabled her to raise the funds for a lawyer to help protect her daughter legally.

10. The Legal System’s Barriers & Calls for Change ([60:32]–[70:13])

• Despite the severity of her ex's crimes, the court system proved slow and non-linear; legal termination of parental rights remains an uphill battle.
• Guest and host call for justice system reforms to prioritize children's safety and ease legal burdens on protective mothers.

  "There needs to be some real changes to our justice system...the child should be first in every aspect." — Interviewee [62:32]

11. Taking Back Control and Creating Resources ([70:13]–[73:08])

• Plans to write both a memoir and a children’s book about safe people and loss, inspired by her daughter’s curiosity and resilience.
• Emphasizes the importance of openness, reducing shame, and providing education on taboo subjects—or subjects rarely discussed outside of direct experience.

12. Healing, Closure, and Self-Forgiveness ([73:08]–[92:54])

• Finds meaning in hardship—transforming darkness into growth and advocacy.
• Encourages self-forgiveness for survivors, highlighting that shame should rest on perpetrators, not victims.

  "Victims don't choose to be abused. They get manipulated and forced into it." — Interviewee [77:32]

• Expresses gratitude for her daughter as a constant motivator and grounding force.
• Looks forward to a fresh start: termination of parental rights in progress, name change for her daughter, planned move, and a flourishing supportive family.

---

Notable Quotes and Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• On Accepting Low Standards:
  "I was seven...When I remember thinking to myself, he doesn't hit me, so that means he's a good boyfriend." — Interviewee [00:00 & 00:59]

• On Lack of Support:
  "My ex never showed up to pick me up. So I had to call my best friend to pick me up...I just thought my partner would care about me enough to show up for me." — Interviewee [06:01]

• On Reframing Self-Worth:
  "As long as I'm not in a relationship like that, then I'm doing pretty good...That set my standards so low." — Interviewee [01:28]

• On Legal Barriers:
  _"You would think though, with his charges, it would be a no-brainer." — Interviewer [60:56]
  "It's not that simple. It's not that black and white. The court doesn't see it that way. Even if they should." — Interviewee [61:07]

• On Finding Support Online:
  "If I hadn't shared my story, I would not be here. I remember saying to myself like, I'm not alone, because I have me. Like, I have to get me through this. I don't have a choice." — Interviewee [83:23]

• On Victim-Blaming:
  "You chose him." ... "No, actually, I didn't. Manipulators, they choose you. They target you...Victims don't choose to be abused.' — Interviewee [76:46]

• On Healing and Moving Forward:
  "I'm excited to get back to normal with my daughter and be myself." — Interviewee [88:57]

---

Insights for Listeners

• The episode offers a rare and unfiltered look at the complexity and pain facing survivors of abuse and neglect, especially when the accused is a co-parent.
• The guest’s journey from self-blame and depression to empowerment demonstrates the importance of community, support, and sharing stories.
• By chronicling her legal, emotional, and spiritual journey, she offers both solidarity to survivors and a critique of systemic failings—emphasizing the urgent need for legal reforms and broader public education.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:59] – Family background, religion, and early relationships
• [06:01] – Pregnancy, isolation, childbirth trauma
• [10:35] – Leaving ex, challenges as a single working mom
• [15:41] – Co-parenting issues and neglect
• [20:23] – Legal process, supervised visitation, gaining custody
• [24:04] – Self-work and new relationship
• [31:18] – Breaking news: Ex arrested for child molestation
• [39:46] – Protecting daughter, struggles with legal system
• [54:29] – Sharing experience on TikTok, community response
• [60:32] – Fighting for termination of parental rights
• [70:13] – Moving forward, writing, advocacy
• [73:08] – New beginnings, closure, and healing

---

Memorable Closing Moment

"When I first found out... I put on my daughter's favorite song and I drove her to school and I played it loud enough that she couldn't hear me sobbing… If I hadn't shared my story, I would not be here. I'm not alone because I have me." — Interviewee [83:23]

---

Tone Note:
The episode maintains a deeply empathetic, raw, and hopeful tone. The guest is candid about her pain but also her healing, supported by gentle, validating responses from Devorah throughout.

---

For support or to share your own story on "We're All Insane," contact [e-mail] or via the link in the podcast’s description.

---

Transcript

[Interviewee]

I was seven.

[Interviewer]

So good, so good, so good.

[Ad Voice]

New markdowns up to 70% off are at Nordstrom Rack stores. Now stock up and save big on shoes, tops, dresses, accessories and more must haves for summer. Join the nordiclub to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. This episode is brought to you by Google Health. Stop chasing someone else's definition of health. What matters is what's healthy for you. Google Health offers a new kind of coach built with Gemini for effortless tracking, sleep insights and holistic coaching tailored to you. Visit googlestore.com to learn more and start a new relationship with your health. Requires Google account, Google Health app Internet, and Google Health premium subscription features subject to change. Availability and results vary. Not intended for medical purposes or works independently of Gemini Apps. Check responses for accuracy.

[Interviewee]

When I remember thinking to myself, he doesn't hit me, so that means he's a good boyfriend. And I say that because my mom had two marriages to, like, alcoholics who were abusive. And the second one was worse than the first. So it just, like, progressively got worse. And so in my brain, like, watching my mom go through that, I thought to myself, as long as, like, I'm with somebody who doesn't hit me or scream at me, I'm doing pretty good.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And that set, like, my standards so low, you know? And I met my ex when we were in high school. So growing up, I grew up in a small town called marsing. Literally has 1200 people population, like, it's so small. And on top of that, my mom was a Jehovah Witness. So it's like, I don't know if you know what that is.

[Interviewer]

Yes. But maybe explain just for in case somebody doesn't.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

Okay. It's a religion, like Christianity, but it's very strict. We were in the kingdom hall, which is a version of church, coached not to go to college because it's selfish and you should devote, like, your whole life to God. And that was like, no birthdays, no holidays. And so growing up that way, I was very, like, sheltered. We weren't even allowed to, like, watch certain movies growing up. I had no idea who Jack Black was until I was 21. Yeah. And so, like, of course, when I turned 18, I had freedom. I was like, I'm going to discover myself.

[Interviewer]

And were your mom and dad together?

[Interviewee]

No. So my mom got divorced and married my stepdad. And he was the one who was, like, extremely Abusive. And my mom's witness too. No, he wasn't. So, like, that always was hard for me growing up because, like, my mom would preach one thing and then do something else, you know?

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Interviewee]

And I love her, she's amazing. But she also had eight kids total. Yeah. So we grew up in a small rural town and extremely religious and then living in poverty with eight kids. So like we never left the house really. And my social skills were zero. And also just like my understanding of the world and my exposure. And so what my mom did in her day to day life and like, how she lived her life was the only thing I knew. Seeing my mom in these relationships, kind of, I thought to myself, as long as I'm not doing that. Yeah. Like, as long as I'm not in a relationship like that, then I'm doing pretty good. And so when I was with my ex, we met in high school and it started with cheating, like it always does. And I thought, it doesn't work this way. But I thought if I could be a controlling girlfriend, that would fix things. And like, of course that's not gonna work right. You know, Also so young.

[Interviewer]

It's like we have no idea about anything at that age. Like, I feel like looking back now to like my high school dating and I'm like, I really thought this way and it was never that way at all. You know, like, we don't really learn until.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Get older.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And it was like, it was hard for me being in just like such a small town. Like, I had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like. Like that I'd never seen that before. And so from the cheating, it just like escalated to like a porn addiction. And I didn't understand it at the time, but he was very manipulative and he coerced me into doing things that I wasn't comfortable with. And I had no idea that was happening. I just knew, like, I don't feel good, you know? And so when I found out I was pregnant, we had been together for a few years at this point. And it was so strange because my whole life I never wanted to be a mom. And part of that was because, like, I didn't want to go through what my mom went through, not just with her husband, but with my little brother. He passed away when he was 11. And I was horrified of feeling something so painful, you know?

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And so once I found out I was pregnant, it was just like a flip switch. I was like, wow, this is actually like, exciting. Like, I feel good. And I. I did not expect that. And that's kind of like when I realized I was like, oh, I never wanted to be a mom because I was afraid, not because I didn't want to be a mom, you know. And it was, it was probably one of the short lived but most happy moments of my life, you know. And through the pregnancy I slowly realized like, how alone I was in the relationship. Specifically my daughter, she cut off the floats, like both of my kidneys. It's called bilateral hydro nephrosis. And it was extremely painful. I had to get emergency surgery on each of my kidneys, like one at a time. Yeah. And then from there, like I had a bag of urine on each side for each kidney. Because your kidneys are what, like drain? Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And that was while you were pregnant?

[Interviewee]

While I was pregnant, yeah. And so that happened when I was like seven and a half to eight months pregnant and I was not getting support from my ex at all. And I was still working. And I remember I used to be a caregiver and I was doing night shifts and I got off work one morning, it was like 4 or 5am in April. Like, it was so cold. And my ex was supposed to pick me up and he never showed up. And I was in extreme pain from those tubes in my side. I don't know if you felt kidney pain, it is the worst. But when I was sitting, my foot, I was sitting just like this. My foot got caught on the tube and pulled on my back and it was so agonizing. And it wasn't just like a short lived pain. It just like I was in pain for a minute. And my ex never showed up to pick me up. So I had to call my best friend to pick me up. And she lived an hour away and that was the only person who could pick me up. And I was so furious because that wasn't the first time something like that happened. And I just thought my partner would care about me enough to show up for me, you know, when I needed him. And so that was like when I realized how alone I was when I gave birth to my daughter. Oh my gosh, it was so intense. Like I. I remember my doctor, she said something to me and it was along the lines of like, girl, I know you've been through a lot and it's not that you're brave, it's just that you had to, you didn't have a choice. And she's like, you are so strong because, like, it's insane. I had a failed emergency C section. Yeah. So like I'd Been pushing for an hour and she was stuck. She was not coming out.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And they went in to do a C section, and I felt like two big yanks out of my abdomen and nothing happened. There was no crying, no sounds. And like, during a C section, you're wide awake.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And the doctor, she says, I'm gonna push her out. And she puts her hand on my daughter's bum and pushes her out.

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

So it was, like, extremely traumat for me. No, no. I'm so serious. It was so bad. And so she was stuck because I'd been pushing so hard. Yeah. And the doctor couldn't pull her out without risking a neck injury, which was like, so serious, you know, so that was like their only option. And so I, like, looking back, I'm like, wow, I went through so many, like, traumatic things just to bring my daughter into this world, and I had to do it alone.

[Interviewer]

And was he there for the birth?

[Interviewee]

He was, but definitely not in the way that a partner should be.

[Interviewer]

You know, like, he was there physically.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so I remember things, like, only got worse after I gave birth to my daughter. Like, the first three months were just like, everything is about my daughter. I was so happy she was in this world, alive and healthy, and nothing could be better. And that's when my ex lost his job. And he would not stop smoking weed, which was, one, illegal in our state. And then two, he couldn't get a job because they all drug tested and he didn't have a degree or anything like that. And I remember just being so. Just confused and angry. Like, you have a whole baby. Yeah. That you brought into this world and you can't stop smoking weed for three or four weeks to get a job. Like, it's temporary. And that's when I, like, had this realization. I was like, oh, my God, if I don't leave now, I'm going to be stuck with him forever. And I was terrified by that thought. I realized, like, how unhappy I was and how much he just generally didn't care. Like, he was so selfish. And my daughter was about six months old when I, like, officially left and moved out. And I moved in with, like, the first person who opened the door for me. And, like, those first years were the hardest because I loved my daughter so much that I wanted to have a healthy co parenting. Co parenting relationship. But that is so hard to do with someone who doesn't want to be a parent, like, who just doesn't care to be a parent. And I was working three jobs and I Worked in a daycare because that was the only job I could get and bring my daughter to.

[Interviewer]

What was his reaction when you decided to leave the relationship? Was he like fine or was he mad about it?

[Interviewee]

His reaction to me leaving the relationship was like, well, one, it was just like disbelief, like he didn't really think I was going to leave.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Interviewee]

And then it just kind of like, whatever, I can't stop you kind of reaction because I remember I moved out like December, January, ish. And. And then like February. He's like, why are you acting like we're not together? And I was just like, I thought I spelled it out for you clear as day that I don't want anything to do with you past a platonic co parenting relationship. I was like, I don't know how I can be more clear than that.

[Interviewer]

When you left, did he still want to be in your daughter's life?

[Interviewee]

Yeah, he did. At least he said he did.

[Interviewer]

One thing that I think people carry pretty quietly and end up feeling really frustrated about themselves with is their health goals and especially their weight. I think it can be really, really challenging to navigate it and to feel comfortable to talk about it. There's so much stigma and taboo topics about it. There's so many diets. You should do this, you shouldn't do that. And it gets really, really overwhelming and confusing. Overall, stressful. And I think when it comes to our health and our weight, it isn't just about motivation or discipline. There are so many other things that can be involved. It comes to that when it comes to finding what works for you and getting you to the place that you feel the most confident, comfortable and happy. So if you are somebody that is feeling stuck in your weight loss journey or just stuck overall with your health goals, then this is why I bring up hers. Because it's really, really helpful and something that I think would be super beneficial for so many people. Hers offers access to an affordable range of FDA approved GLP1 medications, including the WeGovy pill, which is at its lower price than ever before, and the Wegovy pen. My favorite part is that everything is 1, 100% online, which just makes everything quicker, easy, more comfortable because you're in the comfort of your own home. I always say appointments of any sort are better when you can do them at home and online, but basically you just meet with a licensed provider, they see and decide if treatment is right for you. And if it is a good fit and a good match, then treatment is sent right to your front door, which it literally can't get easier than that. And something that really sets hers apart and something that I really, really love is how it's not just about a treatment or a medication plan. It's really about this ongoing 24. 7 support. There's always somebody to talk to that is a provider that can help you answer questions. They have different tools to help with sleep. There's recipes, there's meal plans, there's exercises, routines, all this good stuff that really puts in place a good new routine and a healthy routine for you to get on track and figure out your health goals and your weight management and literally all of the above. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com insane to get personalized, affordable care that gets you that's F o r h E-R-S.com insane fourhers.com insane based on advertised cash price for 30 days, applied, medication only, membership required, fee not included, and billed separately. Weight loss by hers is not available in all 50 states. We'll go via the register trademark of Novo Nordisk as to get started and learn more, including important safety information. We'll go be clinical study information and restrictions. Visit 4hers.com how did your mom feel about you kind of finding yourself it when you turned 18?

[Interviewee]

Yeah. So that was really hard for my mom because growing up, the way I feel like it was perceived was that I was rebellious. But for me, I was like, this is just like, who I am deep down. Like, I am very spiritual and I like, I practice tarot and stuff. And so of course my mom's like, oh, my God.

[Ad Voice]

Right?

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

You know, and so I. I felt like it was perceived as, like, I was doing this to rebel because my parents were strict. But for me, it was like, I'm just trying to be myself, you know? Yeah. But for my mom, I think she was also just really overwhelmed with what she was going through with her husband and then having so many kids and, like, now her oldest daughter moved out.

[Interviewer]

Oh, so you were the oldest.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

I was the oldest daughter. And so I think. I think, like, of course it bothered her, but she had, like, bigger things to worry about. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And you guys have a good relationship still?

[Interviewee]

Yes.

[Interviewer]

Okay, good. Who did you end up moving in with?

[Interviewee]

When I left my.

[Interviewer]

Yes.

[Interviewee]

So I worked at a daycare, and it was my first daycare job. And the daycare owner, like, remember, it's a very small town. She was like, oh, I have a couch you can crash on. Which, like, when I look back, I'm like, oh, my God, that was horrible. I should have Just moved back in with my mom, but I really didn't want to because of her husband. I just didn't want to have my daughter in that environment. And so, of course, you know, I was like, okay, my boss is going to let me crash on our couch for a few months. And it was about three months until, like, I got an apartment all on my own. And I. Yeah, it was. It was really awesome.

[Interviewer]

And then as far as the co parenting relationship goes, how did that look?

[Interviewee]

So with the co parenting, it was hard because he wanted to be a part of our life. And I was horrified of being like the better baby mom. I really was. I was so scared of being portrayed that way. And so I tried to go above and beyond to be anything but that. And it was hard because we would do 50, 50 after she got a little bit older, and she would go spend the night with him for some nights, but she would come back and she would always be like, messy, like, really dirty. And then it escalated to like diaper rashes. And I'm like, she never gets diaper rashes with me ever. And she would. He would bring her back and she would always have poopy diapers. And I'm like, this is bordering neglect. Like, she is so filthy. You don't like, trim her nails and she's like, scratching her. And so it was really hard because I was like, I just want you to take care of my daughter the way I would, you know, and it wasn't happening. And no matter how much, like, I tried to be understanding and I tried to set like, expectations and like, hold them accountable and like, as a father, it always just came off as me nitpicking and like, starting from trying to

[Interviewer]

be controlling or whatever would say.

[Interviewee]

So that was really. It was really hard. And I remember one time he had some plans or whatever and I would. I had to spend like all day in court and like, you know how court goes. Like, yeah, they say be there at 9am and sometimes you don't leave till 2. And so he didn't tell me he had plans. Yeah, I just said like, hey, I'll pick her up around this time. And then he's like, well, I have plans. Like, you should have been here sooner. I was like, oh, next time can you just like, please tell me your plans so I can make sure I'm on time? He's like, well, I don't have to tell you what I'm doing. And I'm just like, that's not the point. Yeah, it's just like that's not the point. It's just like, I. I thought we were just trying to communicate, but for some reason, you think that I'm being nosy and controlling and trying to, like, know what you're doing, when really I was just like, if you want me to be on time, tell me. Like, hey, this is a strict deadline.

[Interviewer]

Well, I think it's frustrating, too, because I think naturally you would think when a child is brought into a relationship, whether it's the mother or the father, that, like, these natural instincts would kick in and you kind of naturally expect people to step up to the plate.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

So for someone to not be doing the bare minimum, I mean, like, what was happening was neglect. Like, it's.

[Ad Voice 3]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, and those are like, the diapers and the nails. Like, hello.

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, like, just do the bare minimum.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And, like, honestly, the neglect only got worse. And that's what really put a strain on our co parenting relationship, because I just put my foot down and I was like, hey, if you can't take care of your child, you're not gonna have her overnight or, like, unsupervised. If I can't trust that you're gonna take care of her and keep her safe. And it was really hard because, like, what was the final straw for me was just, like, putting her health at risk. Like, she was really sick. She had chronic ear infections, and she had this fever that just would not go away. And when it finally broke, I was like, okay, you can see her for a day or two. So I told him. I was like, hey, look, the doctor told me if her fever comes back, like, you need to take her to urgent care or the er, Right. And, like, she had medical insurance through me, so, like, he wouldn't have had to pay anything out of pocket. And then when I picked her up, she had a fever, and he's like, well, it didn't seem that bad to me, so I didn't think I needed to take her in. And I was like, you have no excuses. The doctor literally said that you need to take her to the emergency room. It wouldn't cost you anything out of pocket. Why didn't you take her? I was like, do you not care about her health? So that, to me, was just, like, so shocking. I was like, wow, I really can't trust you with her. Like, a doctor said she needed to go to the er and you thought you knew better.

[Interviewer]

And how long did this go on? This kind of, like, fail. Failure on his part of, like, co parenting?

[Interviewee]

Yeah. So that Was like the final straw for me when we stopped doing overnights. And she was about two okay, I think at the time. And then at that point I was just like, if you want to see her, that's fine, but we're going to do supervised visitation because I just can't trust your judgment.

[Interviewer]

Was he accepting of that or did he want.

[Interviewee]

No.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

No, he wasn't. But at that time is when I went to the court and I filed for a full and sole legal and physical custody of her. And he didn't even show up. Yeah. And so the judges granted me all of it with visitation on my terms. So once that was in place, he really couldn't say anything or do anything. And he was so angry.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. Which like, okay, but show up to the, you know, step up to the plate then.

[Interviewee]

Yeah, show up and show like that you care to be in your daughter's life. You know, I. I was shocked because it was over zoom too. Like all you do is click a link.

[Interviewer]

Wow.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Was this during COVID Yeah, it was

[Interviewee]

like right after Covet.

[Interviewer]

Okay, gotcha. Disappointing.

[Interviewee]

So disappointing from there. After I was like, hey, we're only going to do supervised visitation. Was it like, if we knew more

[Ad Voice 3]

about our sleep, what would we do differently? Would we go to bed at a consistent time or take steps to reduce interruptions to our sleep? With sleep score, Apple Watch measures your bedtime consistency, interruptions and sleep duration. Then every morning it combines these factors into an easy to understand score from 1 to 100. So you'll know how to take the quality of your sleep from okay to very high. Know your sleep score with Apple Watch. IPhone 11 or later required.

[Ad Voice]

Good sleep is everything. That's why Ollie's science back support is made with a blend of melatonin and L theanine for both kiddos and grownups. So when your mind won't switch off, you've got something that can help. You're racing thoughts and restless nights won't stand a chance. Find Ali Sleep solutions for the whole [e-mail] that's o l l y.com

[Interviewee]

didn't change anything for him. Like he didn't decide. Like, I'm going to put in more effort to show her that, like, I want to be in her life and be a parent. It's like he would say he would call her and then he wouldn't, you know, and she had this dance recital and he showed up like 20 minutes late and like almost missed her entire dance, you know, it's heartbreaking. Yeah. Yeah. And like, he want. He went unemployed for like a whole year to dodge child support and he didn't have a car, he didn't have a phone. And I'm like, how do you want to be a father? But, like, you're couch surfing and you won't get a job because you just don't want to, not because you're not able to. And I was like, how, like, how are you going to tell me that you want to be a dad, but you won't even like step up to get a place to stay or a car to see her or like a phone to call her, you know? And I just got so frustrated because I was like, I was working three jobs and I changed my entire life for my daughter. And I worked so hard on myself. Like, I had finally set, like, I had finally like found my self worth and I had stopped dating shitty guys and I had stopped needing to date people and I had finally just like been okay with myself. And I worked so hard internally and externally on my life, like for my daughter, because with my mom, I realized like, wow, I'm setting the standard for my daughter and what she accepts and what she thinks is normal and okay. And so I was like, I need to set that bar high because I love her and she deserves that.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And I was like, how do you not care enough to do the same? And gosh, she was three and a half when that happened. So like a whole year of like not putting in effort, not caring enough. And I finally just told him, I was like, look, it is not one shoe in, one shoe out. You're either both feet in or both feet out. Like, you're not gonna half ass this parenting thing. She deserves a dad who shows up because, like, my dad was. It was like really hard because I was 14 when I told my mom, like, hey, I don't want to see my dad anymore. And she's like, well, that sucks. He's your dad. And that just honestly stayed in my heart forever, you know, because I went no contact at 18 with my dad. And like from that point on, I was like, it is better to have no dad than a shitty dad. You know, it is better to not have a dad than one that makes you wonder why he, like, you're not enough for him to care to show up or to call you or to do better. And I just remember, like, my relationship with my dad was just so awkward and so uncomfortable and I honestly, I feel like I would have been happier without my dad in my life. And I didn't Want my daughter to feel that way.

[Interviewer]

Father's Day is one of those holidays, in my opinion, that is extremely hard to shop for. Either your dads have everything that they already need or they don't want anything, or would you get somebody that has everything that they could already possibly need? It's just complicated and stressful and I feel like it leaves you stumped. Like, what do you get your dad on Father's Day? And that's actually why I love Cozy Earth. For a great gift idea for Father's Day, their bamboo sheet set is one of those things that feels like a luxury upgrade that you might not typically get for yourself, but once you get it, you never look back. Take it from me, I never get anything, I'm not kidding you, anything other than bamboo sheets. They are amazing. They're soft, they're cooling. Incredible. Also, you might not know this, but Cozy Earth actually also has clothing. They have the Everyday Pant and the Everyday polo, which is amazing for gifts because I feel like it's so breathable, comfortable, and it's one of those things that when you put it on, it just looks put together without trying too hard. And it's something that your dad could live in all summer long. I was reading through some reviews and a couple customers said that the Everyday pants were the pair of pants that they just found themselves continually reaching for. They can dress it up, they can dress it down with some sneakers.

[Interviewee]

Super comfortable.

[Interviewer]

They bought over three pairs and I feel like that tells you everything you need to know. Another thing that I love about Cozy Earth is that they stand behind their products with a 100 night sleep trial on all of their sheets and lifetime warranty on all of their clothing and hassle free returns. So whether you're looking for a gift for your stepdad, your dad, your grandfather, maybe your uncle, literally any father figure who shows up for you, in my opinion, Cozy Earth is the best gift idea. Whether you want to do the bamboo sheets or like I mentioned before, the Everyday polo or the everyday pant, no matter what you decide, they will absolutely love it. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code INSANE for an exclusive 20% off. That's code INSANE for an exclusive 20 percent off. And if you see a post purchase survey mention that you heard about Cozy Earth right here.

[Interviewee]

And so that's why I put that boundary. I was like, you're either going to step up and be it up or like you're not going to be there at all at that point. Like I was already in like a relationship with my current boyfriend. And he is worlds apart from everything I had ever known about guys and dating. And he was the first person I was like, wow, you actually treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Like, you're actually kind to me, you know, and you actually care and you put in the effort, and you're fun and loving and, like, he wasn't in my daughter's life for the first year because I just was so protective of my daughter. And I started dating him when Aspen was, like, two and a half, three, and then when he. When my daughter was four is when he was in her life.

[Interviewer]

And

[Interviewee]

it was just. I don't even know how to put it into words. Seeing him grow into being the dad that she deserved and didn't have was just, like, so hard. But it made me so happy, you know, because she deserved that. I remember seeing him, like, on Google, like, trying to figure out how to be a better parent. Like, hey, I'm in this situation with my daughter. Like, what do I do? How do I approach this, right? And I was like, wow, my ex would never. You know, she deserves someone who cares enough to do that for her to learn how to be a dad. And my ex just had no interest. And it was very confusing for me. Like, I just couldn't wrap my head around it because I'm like, she's so amazing. And I just saw him be a dad to my daughter, and I was like, wow, this is, like, the parent she deserves, you know? He started, like, driving her to daycare, and then we signed her up for swim lessons, and we would all go to, like, family swim day together. And like, they would spend so much time just, like, playing with legos and reading, and it made me really happy to see my daughter have that. And I got to a point where I was like, she already has a dad 100%. And I was like, and he is. It's a dad that she deserves, you know, I felt like he had to put more effort into being a parent than I did because he'd never been a dad before, you know, and he had three years, three and a half years to make up for of not, like, being there and knowing how to parent and learning how to parent and building that relationship with her that I already had. And so I felt like he was working even harder than I had to to be a parent.

[Interviewer]

And I think that shows so much about his character, you know, and his care for you and just. And your daughter. And it means a lot. That's really something that's important. And unfortunately, but also fortunately, we. You know, there are these circumstances where our biological parents aren't always our parents. You know, they don't. Just because, you know, it's their genetics, it doesn't mean that they are in a place to actually show up as a parent. And sometimes it's better to even just have somebody that really cares and that is, like, a father figure or mother figure, even if, you know, blood doesn't always mean anything 100%.

[Interviewee]

And so, yeah, like, when I saw that she already had a dad, she already had somebody filling that role and supporting her in the ways that she needed, I just, like, I looked at my ex and I'm like, what are you providing for her that she doesn't already have? What are you willing to provide for her? Because you've shown me that you're not willing to do anything at all. And that's when I officially just, like, went, no contact. I was like, until you can show me you care. I was like, when you finally step up and get a job, a car, a place, and you're ready to be a parent. I was like, don't talk to me. I was like, just don't. And, like, I left that door open. I was like, so when you're ready, like, reach out. But of course, that didn't happen. And at this point, like, I went from working three jobs as a single mom, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, to find myself in the position I was in so that I can do better to starting a business. And, like, this was 2023, and that was, like, my New Year's goal. And By November of 2023, I had finally started a business. And so I was, like, officially, like, doing so much for myself. I had started the business and no longer was working three jobs as a single mom. And I was in this, like, healthy relationship that I had never experienced before. And, like, things were going so good. I was like, my daughter has a dad who loves her and shows up for her and shows her that she deserves that, you know? And it was going really good until July of 2025. I. Well, my boyfriend and I were invited to this business event for work, and we had to fly out. And I was the only salesperson for our business. And so, like, the responsibility of, like, getting more leads and trying to, like, bring money in was, like, on me, because he would be working the whole thing. Yeah. And I kid you not, the day before we got on a flight, I got a message from this girl who used to talk to my ex and it was a screenshot, and she said, I think that you need to know for your daughter's safety. And it was his arrest. He had been arrested for seven felony counts of lewd conduct with a minor under 16. And my whole world fell apart. I'm sorry. I'm so emotional. Hey, take your time. You're good. It was so hard for me because I felt so betrayed. I was just remembering, like, all the years I spent him. I sent him, like, paragraphs and paragraphs, just begging him and giving him advice how to be a dad and, like, get his life together. And I tried so hard to just help him be the dad that she deserved. Just for him to do something so horrible, you know, I just felt so betrayed. I was like, I did so much for you, and you were just. You're so horrible. Yeah. And I totally, like, flopped our business event. Like, I didn't get us any leads, and I have major depressive disorder. And so this sent me in, like, the deepest depressive episode I think I've ever experienced. And at the time, I was also on a medication called Accutane, which they tell you to be very careful if you have depression, because really messes up people's mental health. And so I was on a medication like that, experiencing all of that, and it was such a hard time for me. I don't think I've ever felt more alone.

[Interviewer]

When you got this information, did you have any fears that he may have done something to your daughter?

[Interviewee]

Honestly, those fears came later.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

At first, I was like, okay, he hasn't seen her.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

In two years.

[Interviewer]

So it was more like the shocking news. Yeah. Of what you saw.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And I was like, thank God. Like, I protected her, you know, My friend was like, I had no idea it was this bad. But I did know I couldn't trust him with her because of the neglect and stuff. And just, like, I was worried about the impact he would have on her just, like, being such a shitty parent, you know? But I. I never would have imagined how bad it really was. And I went to the business event. I didn't really have a choice, and I totally flopped the event. I didn't really. I don't think I even brought a single lead in. And it's actually where I met my puppy. They were having, like, a fundraising adoption booth, and I love it. Yeah. I had been. I had been wanting, like, an emotional support animal for a while, but I always thought I wasn't a dog person. And when I saw that puppy, my. Like, the whole world just stopped. And When I was holding him was like the only time I felt okay at that event. And I remember, like, I just knew who was meant to be. I was like, you were meant to find me in this moment, you know? So sweet. Yeah. And so I was like, what can I do to get this dog on a plane, right? He's mine.

[Interviewer]

I need him.

[Interviewee]

I was like, you were coming home with me. Yeah. And he did. I got him on the plane and I had to like. Doordash. Doordash. A dog carrier. I love it.

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

How old was he? Was he eight weeks?

[Interviewee]

Is he just. He was eight weeks old. Okay. Yeah. He was only like. Exactly. Yeah. And he is what got me through that time because I had to get up at 6am to take a potty. He needed daily walks.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And all of those things were so good for me in that time. Like, I needed a routine, I needed fresh air, I needed sunlight.

[Interviewer]

And it forces you to just get out of bed.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And so I am so grateful I saw the dog, you know, and he made me feel okay.

[Interviewer]

What was your partner saying about everything when all this information came out?

[Interviewee]

So it was so hard on me. Like, I really spiraled when I first found out. I told him. I was like, hey, I. I need to tell you something. I was like, something really awful, like life altering has happened with her bio father, but I can't talk about it right now. I was just like, I need you to know that I'm not okay. And I told him. I was like, I just need your support through this event. And I just need you not to be frustrated if you see like me just being an airhead and messing up and not doing well. And part of that was like, because I didn't want this to affect his work ethic while we were there because he was doing all of the work and managing the clients. And I was just like, we can't both be struggling to perform. And so I think also it's just like, I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I was just like, I was just overwhelmed. And I have this default my entire life that I just want to be alone when I'm overwhelmed. I just want to be alone. Because when I'm alone is when the world gets quiet and I can sit with myself and I can figure it out, you know? And so that's kind of like why I didn't want to tell him. And when we went to the event, like I said, I just, like, I was not there.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. Well, it's also. It's Shocking, too, because that's somebody. Not only is it your daughter's father, but it's also somebody that you spent years with.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And it's almost like, confusing. Like, this is who I was with. You know what I mean? It's like.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

A different person.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. It was really shocking.

[Interviewer]

Did you call him at any point or try to speak to him after this information came out?

[Interviewee]

So when I first found out, I. The first thing I did is I messaged his mom.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

And I was like, you need to know. And her response, like, I don't even know how to. How to cover that. But I. I did message his mom. That was my first response. And then I didn't call him until I was like, how do I protect my daughter from him? It was just. I remember I did send him some messages, and they were just like, emotional angry, you know, and he didn't even see them, so I just deleted them. Yeah, he was in jail. Yeah, he was in jail. So, like, he didn't even see them. So I just eventually unsent them because I was like, I should not react emotionally to this right now because we have an ongoing custody case. Yeah. And once I realized, like, okay, the best way to protect my daughter is just to terminate his parental rights. And so I was like, I don't have money for a lawyer for this. And I was like, maybe I could call him and ask him if he'd be willing to do it. Like, if he'd be willing to relinquish his. His rights on his own instead of, like, having to fight him, you know? But I had to be really careful about the way I did it. So it didn't seem like I was pressuring him or like, trying to manipulate him into doing it, because that could be used against me if it ever came to it. And so I just try to ask it plain and simple. I said, hey, I saw the charges. It looks like you're gonna be in there for a while in regards to our daughter's custody. What are you thinking that you want to do from here? And I said, I'll tell you what I'm hoping for, and then you can tell me if that aligns with what you're thinking or not. And I told him, I was like, I'm just hoping that you self terminate your parental rights so that we. So that, like, we don't have to worry about this anymore. Like, it's just over. And he's like, yeah, no, I'm not going to do that. And I was just like, wow, okay. And I. It's kind of what I expected because our entire custody thing has been that way. It's always been, no, I'm not gonna work with you.

[Interviewer]

Right. And that's more, I think, just like a screw you versus, oh, I actually want to.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Be a parent.

[Interviewee]

And that's, like. That's really how it's felt this whole time. And so that was the only time I called him. And then after that, I just blocked his. His call from the jail. They have, like, a platform where you can block all the calls. And so I just blocked that. And then at that point, I went. No contact with his family, too. And I was just like, I honestly want nothing to do with him or his family. And they have not been an active part of my daughter's life at all. Like, they've been title holders.

[Interviewer]

And did they take his side?

[Interviewee]

I'm assuming. So like, we have had some discussions, and the oldest sister was. Was definitely on his side, and it was really annoying to me.

[Interviewer]

Were the charges for multiple different individuals or was it one?

[Interviewee]

So that part is really unclear to me.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

And when I first found out, I was obsessed with knowing about his criminal case and stuff.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And information was, like, the only thing that made me feel safe because I was like, the more I know and the faster I know it, the faster I can change what I can and accept what I can't, you know? Yeah. And so closure, too. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

For you to, like, kind of just understand the ins and outs of it.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And so Plan B is a backup

[Ad Voice 2]

birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash, no ID prescription or age requirement. It's the number one OB GYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be use as directed.

[Ad Voice]

Chronic migraine. Fifteen or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life. Botox Onobotulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It's the number one prescribed branded chronic migraine preventive treatment prescription.

[Ad Voice 3]

Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing. Causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, Myasthenia gravis or Lamborghini Eaton syndrome and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects.

[Ad Voice]

Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-844botox to learn more.

[Interviewee]

I was constantly, like, every time he had a court day, I was constantly reloading the I court page to look at the update. And then I paid the court for the documents on his criminal case. And it's very confusing to me because when I read the documents, it stated the initial two separate victims, like different initials for each and a different date of birth or age for each. And so in my brain I was like, okay, there's two victims. Like, for me it felt clear as day. But when I went to his sentencing, there was two separate criminal cases. And the judge asked, I know. Well, the judge said, I know that the second case is being dismissed. So he asked, is it the same victim in both cases? And the prosecuting attorney said, yes. So to me, I was just like, wait, you know, I was just confused. And so like, I still don't have clarity on that. So maybe it was the same victim. Maybe she was different ages, maybe she had her name changed or maybe it was like a typo, I don't know. But I, I guess I'll never know, you know.

[Interviewer]

So you have not spoken to him at all since then?

[Interviewee]

No, and I don't, I don't plan to.

[Interviewer]

Is he still in jail?

[Interviewee]

Yeah. So he, When I went to a sentencing, like, I never expected to feel so validated in a courtroom, especially on that day of all days, because the prosecutor was calling him out on his. All of like, his manipulation and like, lack of accountability and like trying to justify his actions. And those are things just like I experienced the entire time I've known him, you know, and so I just felt so validated when the prosecutor was calling all of that out. And it was, it was such an overwhelming experience because I learned so many details about that case that just like shocked me and it just like really broke my heart to know the truth of what happened and like, how Bad. It was. And I remember the judge said, if I had to sentence you to prison for the amount of harm you've done, I couldn't send you to prison long enough. And after that, he sentenced him to 25 years.

[Interviewer]

Wow.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And I just felt so relieved.

[Ad Voice 2]

Right.

[Interviewer]

And that's. Right. That's no small thing.

[Interviewee]

No, I was just, like. I was so relieved because I was like, oh, my God, that is all of my daughter's childhood.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Interviewee]

She doesn't have to worry about him, that I don't have to worry about him. And she will be an adult when he's out, and she'll be smart enough and wise enough to make her own choices that protect her. You know, she'll be able to see through any bullshit.

[Interviewer]

Have you had to. Have you struggled at all with thinking of how one day you would approach the situation?

[Interviewee]

All the time.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

All the time.

[Interviewer]

And she's how old now? Four.

[Interviewee]

She'll be six next month. Yeah. And I remember, like, when I was so obsessed with just knowing everything about his case, and, like, looking back, I realized I felt like I had zero control because, really, I didn't have any control. And logically, my daughter and I were safe because he was in jail. But I didn't feel that way, like, at all. And I just wanted to protect her. And I didn't know, like, how, because I was calling lawyers nonstop, and it was just, like, confusing because they were all telling me different things when it came to, like, terminating parental rights. And I actually just had this realization this morning that I wanted to protect her from the one thing that I just can't protect her from, and that's from just who he really is, and the fact that one day she's gonna know, and it's gonna hurt.

[Interviewer]

But I think on a positive note, like, yes, that is who her biological father is, but that's not who, like, her dad is.

[Interviewee]

Father. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, like, she wasn't raised by someone with that character even.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Even before you met your current partner.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, that was you. And she's going to have those traits.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, and I think it's more so. It's. You know, everybody works through things in their own ways, and I feel like all we can do is. Is be honest and transparent, like, in a way that makes sense. That's safe for, you know, for you, for her, for everybody's emotions involved. Like, it's not. You know, it's important to know that information. It's important for yourself and just to. I think everybody Wants to click, like, Wants clarity on their. Who their real parents are and.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And all that stuff. But like you said, thankfully, she's been raised by two amazing people instead.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And, like, my boyfriend and I, we have always been really open with her. She doesn't call him dad all the time. Like, sometimes she calls him by his first name. And so, like, we've always been very open about the truth and the dynamics of things. And so she. One day she'll be old enough to be like, okay, other kids don't call their dad by their first name, you know, so she'll start asking questions. But as far as, like, the whole thing with my ex, obviously not until she's old enough and mature enough. And I have no idea when that is, you know, 16, 18, 25.

[Interviewer]

Right. I think, too. You know, it. It's so difficult because kids are so curious. Yes. And it's like, it can look so different depending on, like, exposure and social media and.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

When. You know, it's so interesting, too, when they start asking questions, like, I feel like I can come out of nowhere. And you're like, what made you ask that? You know what I mean? So I feel like it is something that's kind of just go with the flow when it comes out. That's when you approach it, you know, because it's so inevitable to figure out how it's going to come up or when. And like you said, you know, being transparent and open and honest is, like, all you can do to be like, yeah, you know, this is a safe place to talk about it and to come if you ever need. Because I think you'll. You will be the one that will hold a lot of answers for her.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

One day.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And so I just know, like, one day it's going to come. And depending on how old she is, I just have to filter it in an appropriate way for, like, her maturity level, you know? Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Did you find that you needed to talk to anybody, like, a therapist or anything as far like, when you got this information? Like, how did you find to kind of work through that?

[Interviewee]

Yeah, so I actually have been in therapy since I left him. I've always, like, struggled with mental health, and so I've been in therapy for a few years, and when I found out, it just kind of felt like nothing was working. I just felt so. Just, like, lost, you know? I remember I texted my mom one time. I don't know if you're familiar with the Life of PI. It's a story about a young boy who gets Lost on a boat, like a raft out in the middle of the ocean. And he's lost, like, completely alone with a tiger on the boat, you know, and he's going, like, weeks with, like, no food, no water, and he has to, like, find ways to survive. And I remember telling my mom, I was like, that's how I feel because I can't just skip to the end when it's all over and there's nobody else who can, like, help me through this. Like, I just have to help myself, you know, Nobody can take the pain away. And it just kind of feels like being lost at sea, waiting for it to just finally be over. And there was, like. I feel like there was not much I could do to help until I started sharing my story on TikTok and.

[Interviewer]

And how long ago did you start doing that?

[Interviewee]

So he was arrested July of 2025, and I started talking about it in August.

[Interviewer]

Okay, good for you.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Because, like, I love my mom and we have a great relationship, but the one thing we don't talk about is my ex. Because before, obviously before all this happened, she. I felt like she really sided with him or, like, played devil's advocate a little bit too hard to where it genuinely just made me so angry to where I was like, I can't talk to you anymore. And my sisters were just like, they're all still babies, you know, and they have their own trauma to deal with, but they. Their dad and all of that. And so I was just like, I don't feel like it's appropriate to talk to them. And that's when I was just like, you know what? I made, like, a secret account on Tik Tok, and I was like, I'm just going to be so raw and unfiltered, and I'm just going to be a human. And I'll allow myself to be a human.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And allow myself to talk about the ugliest things, obviously, in a way that's like, okay to talk about it, you know, just like, not losing my mind. But I was just like, I just want to talk about it because, well, one, I don't have anyone to talk to. And then two, I not the only person going through this. And it was really hard to work through that because there is just, like, so much. I don't know how to put it. If it's like, shame or, like, guilt surrounding it.

[Interviewer]

I think a lot of those different emotions.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Because there's just so many ways that you can run through it all in, like, a million different ways in Your head. Yeah. When it comes to, like, the shame or the guilt or the how did I not know? Or, like, all these. All these questions that I feel like you can ask yourself that are not actually realistic or your fault, but they're these. It's almost like our human brain has to understand why or how something happened. And I think a lot of that time, we start to blame ourselves.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

For me, I was. I was so grateful that I protected her from him before it ever happened. You know, I think that was the number one emotion for me. But I remember, like, saying to myself, like, I should not be ashamed for sharing my story. And I was like, you know, there's nothing I could have done to prevent this.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. And nothing is a reflection of you.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And that was, like, the hardest part for me because we. We came from a small town. You. And it, like, kind of horrified me to think, like, when people found out, they're gonna know.

[Interviewer]

What are they gonna say? Right?

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Like, I was like, I don't want them associating me with that. Him. Even though, like, we were together for so long. And that was the hardest part for me. And so part of, like, sharing my story on Tick Tock was just, like, me trying to work through that and be vulnerable and real and, like, relatable. And I started posting in August, and, like, I wasn't getting much traction, but, like, that's okay. So, like, it was just a place for me to be a human.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. To vent and get it out.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And I made this one video because I was just. I was at a point where I felt completely hopeless in, like, the custody case because I couldn't afford a lawyer. And when I made the video, I told myself, oh, I don't have to edit this or anything. I was just like, nobody's gonna see this. I was like, I have 600 followers. Nobody's gonna see this. And when I posted it, I didn't expect it to blow up, but it did, and it blew up fast. That was in February, and it got, like, 600,000 views, and it's still going. And I remember the first hundred comments were like, can you please turn down the volume? We can't hear you. Put captions. And I was like. But it, like, it started blowing up, and I was like, this is my first video blowing up. I was like, I don't want to take it down and, like, lose all the traction, you know? Cause, like, what if I repost it and it doesn't get traction? And so a part of me was just like, so shocked. I was like the one video I told myself, nobody's going to see this anyways. It blew up and I was like, 600,000 people have seen my face. This is insane. And I just didn't know how to process that. Especially like the amount of positive responses. I didn't get like a single mean comment or like trolling comment. And I got like flooded with DMS of people who've mothers who are going through something almost identical, a lot of them. And I just felt so grateful, so grateful that so many people came to support me and that my story also helped other mothers, you know, feel less alone and less ashamed about what they're going through because it is not their fault.

[Interviewer]

No, not at all. Did you find that when you started getting positive feedback and responses, did that help you heal a little bit? Do you think that made you feel less alone?

[Interviewee]

Definitely. I felt less alone because like, this was in February and so it had already been quite a few months where I was in this like depressive episode. And I felt like I couldn't really talk to anyone about it. And it really put a strain, like on my relationship because I was just spiraling and like it was affecting my day to day life. Like I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't show up for like the business. And I felt really guilty about that. That was really hard on me because I felt like I was letting my partner down, you know?

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And which is like not the truth at all because relationships aren't always like 50, 50. Sometimes we need 80, 20.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And at the end of the day, you're human. Yeah. Emotions and feelings, they're very real. And I think the magnitude of what you experienced is very scary and traumatizing.

[Interviewee]

It was.

[Interviewer]

And it's not just information about like someone you knew, you know, that's the father of your child. And once again, I think it's very easy for our mind to just spin and spin and spin and drive ourselves crazy.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Like up until he was sentenced, because he was just sentenced this month.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

So it was relatively like a fast criminal cases case because a lot of these cases take years. And that was like when I first went online and started like researching and asking for advice. People are like, you're in for a ride. They're like, this is going to take years, you know, and like, it's going to be expensive if you get a lawyer. And so that was like really disheartening for me. Especially like the amount of people told me that termination of parental rights was like impossible or like it never gets granted, which is not true. But it is difficult. Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Were you able to successfully do that?

[Interviewee]

So we are still currently like in the custody case, but because of that video that I posted that went viral, I actually got the money to hire a lawyer. Good for you.

[Interviewer]

Thank you.

[Interviewee]

And like my stress went from like 1,000% to 10% because I was already trying to follow everything on my own. I was making a mess of our, our custody case. And you would think though, with his

[Interviewer]

charges it would be.

[Interviewee]

Yeah, you would think.

[Interviewer]

Brainer.

[Interviewee]

Yeah, you would think that. And it's. The hard part is like, I didn't know who to listen to because, like, logically you're like, yeah, that's a no brainer.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

But anytime, like I talk to a lawyer, they're like, well, it's not that simple. It's not that black and white. The court doesn't see that way even if they should, you know, and so that really hard for me to stomach. So I'm like, what do you mean?

[Ad Voice 2]

Right.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

So is, are you guys gonna be, is he gonna be dealing with that while in prison?

[Interviewee]

Yeah, yeah. So we'll be going through this while he's in prison, but the fact that he was sentenced to 25 years really supports my case because he's not gonna be there anyways.

[Interviewer]

Right.

[Interviewee]

And.

[Interviewer]

But right now, is it set up where you would be required to take her to visit him?

[Interviewee]

No. Okay, good. Thank God.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

So. Because in like, I think it was 2023 when I filed for sole legal and physical custody and he didn't show up because of that, like, all visitation is on my terms. So if I don't want her to see him, she doesn't. Yeah, yeah. And that's really in my favor. And like, I've been really happy with the lawyer that I have, and he's setting up like a petition to change her last name for me and we'll have matching last names and like, that means a lot to me. Ye. And eventually, like, we're going to move out of state and we're just going to be so far away from him and all of this and just like a fresh start.

[Interviewer]

Do you see yourself continuing to share your journey and your story or do you think that.

[Interviewee]

Okay, yeah, 100%. Because like, I'm, I'm not the only one going through this. And in my opinion it should be like automatic. You know, I think that there needs to be some real changes to our justice system and it shouldn't be. Be so hard for moms to protect their child, especially in scenarios like this where it's just like the child should be first in every aspect.

[Interviewer]

And I think like, this is a very clear cut situation. Like, I understand that. I feel like there's some situations that maybe there's more things involved or both parents might be, you know, dealing with something. But like, I feel like this is a very, I mean, from my perspective.

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

From hearing your story, like, I feel like it's just ones like this, it should almost be easy. Like, oh yeah, you know what I mean? Why, why waste the time? Like, it's very obvious what's going on

[Interviewee]

and like, especially like mom's going through something like this. They're already going enough. Like, they shouldn't have to like add a whole custody legal battle on top of it. Like, like you're.

[Interviewer]

Is it not good enough that you're, that you're the only one fighting for the child?

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And like what made it so hard for me is like, well one, I couldn't afford a lawyer, but like, I called my legal, my state's legal aid and they told me that they were booked with cases and unless I was a direct victim of domestic violence, they couldn't help me, which I was in this situation. And so then I called the volunteer lawyer program, which is like the only pro bono lawyers in our state. And they're like, yeah, we're overflowing with family custody cases right now. We can't help you, but we can give you a free consultation. Consultation. And so there was quite literally no free resources to me via the state. And that's what like left me trying to, trying to figure out a way to come up with the money for a lawyer. And I hope that I can continue to share my story to help make it easier for mothers in the future and maybe bring some change in, like some awareness to situations like this. Because there's a lot of mothers going through something like this and they don't have the same outcome. Their child still has to see them. They don't get, like this, the ending that I did where the child never has to see them again. And it's just, it makes me so frustrated.

[Interviewer]

I 100% agree with everything you're saying to, you know, hopefully enforce change and just bring about information and education and about.

[Ad Voice 3]

Do you hear that? Sounds like breakfast is ready. Because Quakers coming in hot with Morning Nutrition. 100 whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kick start your day. And that sounds absolutely delicious. Fuel to start. Whatever's next. Quaker official sponsor of FIFA World Cup 26.

[Ad Voice]

You have one new message translating.

[Interviewer]

Disney and Pixar's Hoppers is now available on Disney.

[Ad Voice 3]

You could say that again.

[Interviewer]

Critics are calling it Pixar's funniest movie

[Ad Voice]

ever and a wildly entertaining ride.

[Interviewer]

Blizzard potato.

[Ad Voice]

It's certified fresh and verified hot.

[Ad Voice 3]

Now we pour party.

[Interviewer]

This is incredible. Wow.

[Ad Voice 3]

I am clearing the rest of the day.

[Ad Voice]

Disney and Pixar's Hoppers now available on Disney plus. Rated pg.

[Interviewer]

You know, the justice system in cases like this and situations similar to yours, and even, even if that might take some time, I feel like the support that you provide by sharing your story and whether that's support coming to you from other people or vice versa, you being a support for other people that might just need to hear your story or to not feel as alone, I think that's a really huge thing because a lot of people don't have support. You know, like, even you said there was a time where you felt so alone, like, who am I going to talk to? And, you know, I think that's a really, really common feeling for people. It's. It seems easier to just bury it or deal with it by yourself because expressing it is difficult, you know, So I think it's. I always say how powerful it is to hear a story of somebody that, you know, they're completely unbiased, they're a stranger. It's almost easier to talk to a stranger, to relate a stranger, because there's no. You don't have to prove anything. You know, they don't know anything about you or your past. It's just very. It's simple, you know, to just hear it and relate to it. And whether it's a kind message or just, you know, that could go a long way for somebody.

[Interviewee]

I wish that I could have a bigger impact, you know, but it's like, I don't know anything about changing laws or any of that.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, but look where you are now. You're like, you know what I mean?

[Interviewee]

You're.

[Interviewer]

You went from, like, if somebody I feel like would have told you, like, oh, you're going to post this, then you're gonna be on a podcast talking about it.

[Interviewee]

You know, you'd be like, huh?

[Interviewer]

Like, I don't plan to do that. But, you know, it's. It's those things, though, that they make a huge change. And another thing, too, that I want to mention that I've realized by doing this show, and it's something that I kind of Just came to realize is that, you know, when we're growing up, right, and like we're in, we're in school, I feel like there's a lot of these, like assemblies or these things where they have guest speakers. Even colleges, like they'll have guest speakers come and they talk about like, like the, I don't want to say the typical stuff because that's not, I'm not trying to downplay anything but like drunk driving or even domestic violence or sexual assault, alcoholism, any of these things. I feel like those are kind of like more of the heard about things that, you know, people will go to talk to children or young adults about. But I feel like why aren't more, I guess you could say, taboo subjects talked about? I think not only does it spread awareness about things that aren't heard about as, as often, but it also, I think it breaks a stigma. I think it creates education and awareness about things that aren't as common maybe, or they are common and just not talked about.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And I just think it breaks that awkwardness and that shame around it. Like, I think if from a young age we're being told these real life stories and situations, then I think it would just help people communicate better. It would help people be, learn to be more open, less shameful of things that they're going through. Because I mean there's, I'm sure there's a lot of children that are dealing with things that they're aware of in their home, but they don't even really know what to call it or what it is because they're so young. So my, my point is, is that, you know, I think a lot of people, kind of, like I mentioned earlier, people that share their story, I think it's, it seems to me from what I've seen, it's one of two things. Either they're really familiar with their story and they like, they're so used to talking about it that they just go in, they share it and you know, it, it almost becomes second nature to them in this journey of their life that it's. Sharing their story is just, it's easy for them. And then there's this other group of people that I think that they, they, they have this maybe fear, if that's the right word, that their story won't have an impact. But like both, it doesn't matter what your story is, it will always have an impact on somebody.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And that is, is why it's so important to talk and to share. And I just feel like it would be really good if more people were willing to be open about topics that aren't as heard about, you know, and.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And I think it would make. I think that would make a big change to be able to share these. These stories to just different audiences that I feel like, really need to hear it because it just, like I said, I think it really would create more education and would break the stigma.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And I, like, I remember when I started the TikTok and I first got traction, I was like, I don't know where this is going to lead me, but I hope it creates a dominant. A domino effect and then I'm not the only one. And I was like, I hope it encourages people like me and women going through things like this to, like, speak up as well. And I hope it also inspires them to share their story and get support when they need it. Yeah. And not to be afraid to, because if I hadn't have shared my story, I would be in a very different position right now and it would not be a good one, you know? Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And I think it, once again, I think it goes back to what you mentioned with routine. It kind of encourages you. Like, I feel like maybe it could take it from, okay, I'm feeling this and I'm just gonna deal with it on my own and keep it and bottle it up or I'm gonna get it out. And even if it's to my phone and I decide not to post it or I do post it, like, at least you're. You're getting it out and you're doing something. It's almost like even though you're talking about it still it's a little bit more distracting to get it out and talk about it than it is to just sit in it and bottle it up. And I was going to say, also, it's not only just the, the other mothers and, and parents that you could help, it's also children, you know, children that maybe they've. They might be older now or they're still young and they've gone through something similar and that can make them feel, you know, because I, like, not embarrassed.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Not like it's something that they need to hide, because that's sad, too. Like, I feel like no one should ever be ashamed or embarrassed of anything that happens in their life, whether it was. And I feel like half the time it's not even because of them. You know what I mean? It's not something that has happened due to them. It's almost just something that's a part of them. Not by choice. Like this kind of just like it, like, so sorry this fell on to you. But you know, and I. I think that there's so many situations like that as well that it would moving a lot of children, whether they're still young and they don't understand it and they can't wrap their heads around it, or maybe they're a little older and they're like, oh, like there's other kids like me out there. So there's so many different aspects of it too. Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And I. I definitely plan on writing a book about 100. What I've been through. Yeah. And just like sharing my story. But as well as like, I want to start writing. I actually have already started writing a children's book.

[Interviewer]

Amazing.

[Interviewee]

I love it. Talking about like, like safe people and like, where did this person go? Because eventually, like, kids get curious. They're like, this person was in my life. Where did they go? And like talking about that in a child appropriate way and just saying, like, you know, sometimes people have to leave and that's okay.

[Interviewer]

Yes. I love that. That's amazing. When you finish that book, send it to me so that we can promote it. Talk about anything you want. That's so important. That's incredible.

[Interviewee]

And I'm really excited because my daughter has been the biggest inspiration of my life. She is like the whole reason I got myself together. Because I just looked at her and I was like, you know what? I don't want my life to look like this anymore. And I definitely don't want your life to look like this when you're my age. And so that enough. That alone was enough for me to just changed my life completely for her. And she continues to inspire me and remind me like, how far I've come and kind of to like full circle

[Interviewer]

this and to say this in a way that isn't. Feel like my, like choices of words are difficult. But I feel like too, you know, sometimes these things happen. Not that anything bad or negative should ever happen. Not that we ever want it to happen. But I think when. When things. When unfortunate or bad things happen, traumatic things happen. At first we wonder why we ask why we're. We don't understand. It seems like literally the end of the world. And sometimes it is. And then like, I feel like with your situation and your story, it felt like that at first. And maybe it was truly that at first. But then look at how much positive change can come out of something so dark.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And I think that like, that is the beauty in it that like, that's where we find the light and the darkness is what we do with the information, what we do with the circumstances. And unfortunately, there's so many people that can't get to that point. Like, you know, and understandably so. Mental health is so hard. I think it's hard for everybody on different levels. But if you're able to create and build and educate and help and support others through something that's so that was life altering to you, what more can you do? What more can you ask for? And it's like there's so many different outlets that you're using for that. Whether it's sharing your story for other moms, like I mentioned, or, you know, for other children that might need to hear it, and then the, the children's books that will help educate and protect children that you don't even know. Like, that's incredible and amazing and obviously this is all so fresh. So I want to say that too, like, the fact that you're, you're able to sit here and share your story, even though it might seem to you that it's a little light, like spacey or emotional. I mean, this is what, like a few months? Like, it's like nothing. I mean, technically this you said this month that he got two weeks ago, he write sentence. So I'm like, it's, it's very, very fresh.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

So go easy on yourself because even that it's, you know, you always have to give yourself enough credit because it's never easy to. I don't think it's ever easy to just decide to share your story.

[Interviewee]

No.

[Interviewer]

It's scary for yourself. And it's scary because while, yes, I'm so, so glad and grateful that you've gotten amazing feedback, there are a lot of people that don't.

[Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And that can be so discouraging and it will never make sense to me.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Why people have bad things to say or mean things to say. If you don't like it, just keep scrolling, please. But, but no, I mean, that is so empowering. You should feel so proud of yourself and, you know, the fact that you were willing and able to come out here and talk about it in more depth with, with another stranger that you don't know. You know, it's. These are huge things and you should be so proud of yourself. And I feel like obviously this is only the beginning of you sharing your journey and your story and it's going to. Meant a lot of, a lot of good things.

[Interviewee]

Thank you. Yeah. When I first started sharing my story, I actually did not get good feedback at all. I didn't start getting good feedback until it really blew up.

[Ad Voice]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

Because when I, like, only had 300 to 600 followers and I was talking about it, it. People said some mean things, Horrible, horrible things. And I think the one that bothered me the most is when people would say, you chose him. And the thing is, the thing that they don't realize is, no, actually, I didn't. Yeah, manipulators, they choose you. They see you, they target you, and they say, I can get what I want from this person. I can get away with whatever I want with this person. So, like, for people like me who were manipulated, I hope that they know, like, no, you didn't choose that person. You were manipulated. Like, they chose you. They targeted you. And so, like, yeah, that's like the one hate comment that I've seen not only on my post, but, like, a lot of other women. And it just. It frustrates me because, like, it totally minimizes the fact that the person is being manipulative. And a lot of the times they're an abuser, and the victims don't choose to be abused. They get manipulated and forced into it.

[Interviewer]

Well, besides manipulation as well, I don't think we ever knowingly and willingly go into something saying, okay, this is gonna turn out to be shit, and this person sucks so bad, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Like, no one is actually understanding that. Like, I think it takes experience. Even if you meet somebody that, like, I'm a huge believer and we cannot control our feelings and our emotions. Like, you could meet somebody and you could fall head over heels, and they could be the worst person. But sometimes we have to just go with that and learn from that and get through it to learn, okay, that wasn't great. That person wasn't great. That relationship wasn't great. But that doesn't mean it was our fault.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, like, I don't understand anybody's negative comments ever. But, like, no, it's never. That's, like, it's not. No one intentionally. I mean, there are some idiots and people that do intentionally, you know, do things. And like you said, manipulators, they're intentionally doing things. But I just think, you know, the. The negativity and the hate against women that are clearly hurting is horrible. Like, you see somebody's hurting. You know, I don't. I don't know what it is about that. I don't know if. If it's kind of preying on somebody's vulnerability 100% yeah, it's disgusting. I hate it. But no, I. I think that people need to learn how to be a lot more kind and sincere because you don't get it unless you're in it. And it's very easy to judge people, you know, and it's just, even if it's the smallest thing, I think if more people just took a second to reflect, they would realize it's just. It's not kind of no. Judgment is never kind.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And if you have a judgment because we are human, which is. It's normal, keep it to yourself, please.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Like, there is no reason to write mean things to somebody ever.

[Interviewee]

Yeah, I. I do think, like a lot of it is preying on the vulnerability. Something you said, like, reminded me. Oh, yeah, about my dad. And you were talking about how in the beginning we go through things and sometimes it just like, feels like the end of the world. And then eventually, like, best case scenario is it turns into something that. So much more than that, it brings so much good. Because when I think about my dad and how I wanted to go no contact at 14 and my mom didn't

[Ad Voice 2]

let me,

[Interviewee]

I like, yes, that sucked. And I wish, like, the younger version of me wishes that hadn't happened, but the older version of me is like, I am actually so grateful my mom said that because if I hadn't known how important it is to have a good dad, then I wouldn't have known when to protect my daughter. You know, I wouldn't have gone no contact for my daughter before she even had to ask. You know, and it's just like moments like that I'm just like, wow, yes, that really sucked. But it was a lesson that I needed to learn in order to, like, in order to become the person that I needed to be, especially for my daughter.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, well, I think you're amazing and I think you're so good at telling your story. And like I said, even if it feels like to you that you get obviously like emotional, everything's still so fresh and you'll have. You'll find that you have days that like, even in 20 years from now that you'll be like, oh, like, I'm so used to telling it. Like, I don't, you know, you start, it starts to weigh a little bit less heavy.

[Ad Voice]

Eczema is unpredictable, but you can flare less. With EB glis, a once monthly treatment for moderate to severe eczema. After an initial four month or longer dosing phase, about 4 in 10 people taking EPGLIS achieved itch relief and clear or almost clear skin at 16 weeks, and most of those people maintain skin that's still more clear at one year with monthly dosing.

[Ad Voice 3]

Emplis Lebricizumab LBKZ, a 250mg 2ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis, that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or top topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBGLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Eglis. Before starting Ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection.

[Ad Voice]

Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit eglis.lilly.com or call 1-800-LilyRx or 1-800-545-5979. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs so you can spend less time

[Interviewee]

worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride.

[Ad Voice]

Download the State Farm app or go [e-mail] like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Interviewer]

And then you might have days where you're like, you can't stop crying about it and that's okay. Like, that's human. You know, you get it. You're a spiritual person. You, you know, we're like trying to figure out the balance, but it's, it's so real and raw and obviously, like I said, I appreciate you so much for coming out here and sharing and

[Interviewee]

you did such a good job. Thank you. Of course, I did want to share, like one moment that I shared on my TikTok. So when I first found out, like the full extent of his crimes, I remember it was devastating. It was like world shattering. And I put on my daughter's favorite song and I drove her to school and I played it loud enough that she couldn't hear me sobbing because I didn't want her to see, like, how much I was hurting. And then after I dropped her off, I drove to the church across the street. And I just. Just cried and screamed for, like, two hours. And I remember, like, praying that somebody, anybody, like an empath would find me and just hug me, because that's what I needed so, so bad. But nobody showed up. And I think that was a defining moment for me of when I started sharing my story on TikTok, because I just felt so alone. And the people who supported me through that, like, they have no idea the impact I've had on me and how they got me through it. And I hope other women who feel that alone can share, too, and get the support that they need. If I hadn't shared my story, like, I would not be here. You know, I remember saying to myself, like, I'm not alone because I have me. Like, I have to get me through this. I don't have a choice. And it reminded me of what my doctor said, you know, Like, I wasn't brave for going through that. I just had to. I just didn't have a choice. And that has been, like, a common theme, you know, Like, I don't have a choice, but I have to go through it. Like, I can't not go through it. You know, I have to come out on the other side. And I'm really grateful that I was able to make it through that because, like, it could have been a lot worse. Like, I could have been depressed for a lot longer. And, like, mental health is so scary. And the support I got really helped with my mental health.

[Interviewer]

Yeah, that was amazing.

[Ad Voice]

Thank you.

[Interviewer]

And that's so important. I think mental health is something, thankfully, I feel like we talk about more now than ever, but at the same time, it's like, when you're in it, it's so hard because it's like your own brain and mind, it's going against itself. And it's like, it doesn't matter how much you want to get out of it. It's like you can't. Yeah. And even with that, it's like sometimes even knowing people are there doesn't even help with mental health. Mental health goes so, so deep, and it's so hard. Like, it's like I said, it's our brain kind of just targeting itself and, yeah, it can feel, like, endless and like it's never going to get better. But I'm glad, like you said, you know, it wasn't something that lasted super long, and it was something that, you know, you were able to pull yourself out of because it's not easy. And a lot of times we can't just Pull ourselves. Pull ourselves out of it. Oh, pretzel.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. And, like, I am also super grateful that this case closed so fast.

[Ad Voice 2]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

Because.

[Ad Voice 2]

Right.

[Interviewer]

Dragging that out, that's.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Draining on its own.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Like, so when he was first arrested, there was two separate criminal cases. And when I went to the sentencing two weeks ago, I was fully expecting, like, there to be another case to go on after this. And I didn't know the case was dismissed until I was in the courthouse listening to it.

[Interviewer]

Okay.

[Interviewee]

And that's when they said, you know, it was the same victim for both cases, and then he was sentenced to 25 years. And it just felt like the universe slammed that chapter shot and was like, you are done going through this. Like, it is over.

[Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Interviewee]

And it happened way quicker than I expected. And, like, I know it's gonna still gonna be a lot more processing to happen in the months to come, but everything happened so fast. It just felt like whiplash. And, like, it still feels like whiplash.

[Interviewer]

Yeah. I can't believe. And even, like, the fact that it was just two weeks ago and then you're like, here. Like, it's so. It's so fast, but it's almost like. Like you said, it's. In a way, it's kind of like, let's just knock this all out. Yeah. In one month and, like, just keep it pushing.

[Interviewee]

I'm so grateful it's over. And things are really looking up for me and my daughter in, like, regards to. Regards to, like, the termination of parental rights and changing her last name and moving out of state. I am so excited just to breathe and relax for the first time since July, you know.

[Interviewer]

Right. And just be able to decompress and I think, feel something other than just sadness.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Just like.

[Interviewer]

Like, you can. Like you said, you.

[Ad Voice 2]

You.

[Interviewer]

It allows you, I think, to start closing that door and, like, learn how to not let it go, but, like, heal. It's like, now you're in the healing part of it.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

The aftermath of. Okay. How can I accept this reality but turn it to good and, you know, live my life in a way that makes me feel good, and it's good for me, and it's good for my daughter and my partner and.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

Everything in between.

[Interviewee]

And I'm just like. I am so excited to just get back to myself because the last months have been so hard on me. And, like, even my daughter's noticed. You know, she misses when mommy was happy. And so I'm just. I'm excited to get back to normal with my daughter and Be myself.

[Interviewer]

And we go through phases, you know, whether. I think, obviously it's way harder when you have a child because you're not living just for you, you're living for them.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

And, you know, they're. They're smart, even though they. They're young. They pick up on feelings and energy. And I think, you know, at the same time, we can't be so hard on ourselves because you're human. And like I kind of said before, you're going to go through times where it's like. Like you said before, like, okay, I started finding myself, and then this happens. And now I feel like I've been set back 10 steps. But, like, you will find yourself again and so much more. Like, because the more we go through, it almost sets the tone to who we evolve into and who we become. And you're only going to be a more strong, powerful person and mom after all of this.

[Interviewee]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Interviewer]

Of course you'll learn that. You'll continue. We all continue to learn things about ourselves and grow and evolve. And like, with anything in life, we have moments that set us back, like, beyond. And then we go forward 20 more steps.

[Ad Voice 2]

Steps.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

You know, so that's what you have to look forward to. And you're. You might not feel like it, but, like, you're very much there. Like, to. I always tell people, like, do not. Do not take it lightly that you're willing to travel and tell your story to a platform of thousands of people and to a stranger. That's huge. A lot of people, like I said, like, I. I feel like there's the p. I feel like it's. It's way easier. I don't want to say. I don't want to put words in people's mouths, but I think it's a lot easier for somebody that they're like 10, 20 years ahead in the sense of, like, they've been sharing. It's become.

[Ad Voice 2]

They're.

[Interviewer]

They almost become like this public speaker about their story.

[Interviewee]

Yeah.

[Interviewer]

It becomes very second nature to them. But being able to do that two weeks after something's kind of concluded is a fast turnaround.

[Ad Voice 2]

Okay.

[Interviewer]

Like, that's like, crazy. So give yourself credit for that. And just for the. The strength and the vulnerability of on your own just sharing it and saying, you know what? Screw this. I'm doing this for me. And then it turning into something where you've continued to decide, okay, I think I want to continue to share my story and my journey. Yeah, you're going to give a lot of people a lot of confidence because of that. Because of that as well.

[Interviewee]

Thank you. Of course, I hope that my story helps a lot of women with their self worth as well. And just like knowing like what I said about as long as like he doesn't hit me, that means he's a good guy or as long as he doesn't hurt me. But like people, someone or you know, an individual can hurt you in a million different ways that you could have never imagined. Like I would have never imagined this happening. And I, that's when I realized like, just because they don't hurt you in the ways that you're familiar doesn't like give them a free pass and mean that they're good for you. Like you have to pay attention to like, okay, are they showing up? Are they being respectful? You know, and like through our whole co parenting, like he just wasn't showing up or being respectful. And so for me that's when I realized like being good and being loving is just like so much more than not hitting you. And I can't fathom like wow. I just like, I look back and I'm like, I can't believe, like I thought that's all it took. And I hope that no one else thinks like that's all it takes.

[Ad Voice 2]

Pandora jewelry brings the sparkle to your summer now with even better prices. Enjoy up to 50 off select styles. From personalized pieces to must have favorites made for the summer. Timeless designs that shine with you through every moment wherever the summer takes you. Shop in store or online now through July 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Visit pandora.net for details.

[Ad Voice 3]

The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. @blinds.com We've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get get exactly what your home needs. We've covered over 25 million windows and have 50,000 five star reviews to prove we deliver. Whether you DIY it or want a pro to handle everything from measure to install, we have you covered. Real design professionals, free samples, zero pressure right now. Get up to 45% off site wide plus get a free professional [e-mail] rules and restrictions apply.