We're All Insane – “Finding Out My Boyfriend Had a Wife”

Podcast Host: Unknown Author
Guest: Ali
Release Date: September 15, 2025

Episode Overview

In this gripping episode of We're All Insane, Ali from British Columbia, Canada, candidly recounts the harrowing journey that began as a casual vacation situationship and turned into a nightmare of manipulation, financial abuse, revenge porn, and death threats. Ali’s raw storytelling highlights the dangers of online and international dating scams and the resilience she found after reaching her lowest point. Moving from heartbreak and betrayal to public advocacy and coaching, Ali's story is a cautionary tale about trust, emotional vulnerability, and the power of transformation after trauma.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Unexpected Beginning: Vacation Fling Becomes Something More

• Resort Encounter: While vacationing solo in Mexico in January 2022 (03:00), Ali meets a persistent, charming resort worker who pursues her despite her initial lack of interest.
• Manipulation Indicators: The man uses a tragic backstory to gain sympathy (recently divorced due to an affair), reveals a tattoo commemorating his wedding date, and slowly escalates personal conversations (05:00).
• Relentless Pursuit: Despite Ali’s efforts to not engage, his persistence, paired with her polite Canadian demeanor, leads her to give him her phone number (07:25).

2. Being Drawn In: From Skepticism to Attachment

• First Date Gone Wrong: Despite feeling uneasy, Ali accepts his invitation out, rationalizing the risks and convincing herself he’s just being friendly (09:30).
• Emotional Vulnerability: Heartbroken from a recent breakup and encouraged by alcohol and attention, Ali becomes intimate with him, despite not feeling true attraction (12:00).
• Genuine Connection & Growing Attachment: What starts as a fleeting fling develops into a seemingly meaningful connection, with Ali noting, “After you are intimate... you do start to find them a little bit more attractive.” (17:26)

3. Long-Distance Love Bombing and Rapid Escalation

• Post-Trip: Relationship Intensifies: After returning to Canada, the man bombards Ali with loving texts, quickly escalating to a romantic long-distance relationship within weeks (19:00–21:16).
• Future Promises: Talks of starting a family, moving to Canada, and building a future together, which prey on Ali's vulnerabilities about age and unfulfilled dreams of motherhood (22:00).

4. Red Flags and Financial Manipulation

• Plane Tickets, Loans, and Excuses: He consistently invents urgent financial needs (flights, a MacBook Pro for cruise ship training), positioning Ali to “rescue” him multiple times, always promising repayment (26:00–41:00).
• Isolation and Guilt: Ali describes herself as “learning to be small,” having been rejected or ghosted before, and thus defaulting to being accommodating and supportive, even to her own detriment (24:00).

5. The Double Life Unravels

• Obvious Lies & Gut Instincts: He reports the deaths of family members (his grandfather, then his grandmother), which don’t appear corroborated on social media or in obituaries. Ali begins to investigate (42:00–47:00).
• Contradictory Behavior: He consistently avoids introducing Ali to his family, instead weaving complex lies about why she can't meet them (46:00).

6. The Discovery: Facebook Reveals the Truth

• Critical Moment ([55:04]): While traveling to Mexico for what should have been their anniversary, Ali is tagged in a post congratulating her “boyfriend” on his wedding—to another woman, in Cabo, at a resort 450 meters from where Ali is staying.
• Immediate Fallout: When confronted, he gaslights her, denying the marriage and turning defensive. Ali is overcome by a mixture of shock, rage, and humiliation (56:00–62:00):

  “I see that he has been tagged in a post congratulating him on his wedding... I’m just, it doesn’t make sense. All goes black and it’s spinny and sparkly and your ears are ringing and it’s just like this out-of-body experience.” (Ali, 55:00)

7. Confrontation, Gaslighting, and Grief

• Meeting the Morning After His Wedding: He agrees to meet Ali in the hotel parking lot, offering tepid apologies, sticking to impossible lies (63:00).
• Threats and Desperation: When Ali threatens to contact his new wife, both he and his “mother” barrage her with manipulative, abusive messages, including fake communications allegedly from his mom pleading with Ali not to ruin his marriage (65:00–68:00).
• Brutal Insults: The wife responds dismissively, calling Ali “a desperate old woman” and telling her to leave them alone (70:35).

8. The Aftermath: Harassment, Revenge Porn, and Escalating Abuse

• Continued Harassment: After Ali attempts notification and closure, the harassment intensifies:
  • He (and his allies) create numerous social media/email accounts to blackmail, threaten, and intimidate both Ali and his wife.
  • Ali’s intimate photos and videos are released online and sent to her employer, compounding her trauma (85:00–92:00).

  “My intimate photos and videos... were posted on social media. I was tagged. My employer’s social media was tagged. They were sent to my employer, they were posted on porn sites.” (Ali, 89:39)

• Workplace Response: Her employer is supportive, taking steps to minimize cyber harm and approve her six-month mental health leave (90:47–93:20).

9. Turning Point: Finding Empowerment Through Advocacy

• The Breaking Point: Ali struggles with suicidal thoughts, grief for both her parents, and deep humiliation—but ultimately survives and finds new resolve (97:00–100:00).
• Befriending the Wife: Eventually, Ali and the man’s wife connect, realizing they were both victims manipulated in similar ways. The wife leaves him; their only “marriage” was never legal due to paperwork issues (77:11–85:08).
• Podcasting as Healing: Sharing her story becomes a pivotal act of reclaiming agency.

  “I decided... I was going to tell my story on a podcast... The point of sharing my story was to let it go, to help me heal. And it really did.” (Ali, 100:29)

• Victory Over Harassment: Publishing the podcast puts a stop to the man’s threats against both women (105:07).

10. Reflection, Lessons, and Ongoing Advocacy

• Victim-Blaming & Judgment: Ali and the host debate society’s tendency to blame victims for being too trusting, for ignoring red flags, or for sharing intimate images with trusted partners (107:13–108:44).

• Universal Vulnerability: Emphasizing that manipulative abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of strength or intelligence.

  “All I was guilty of was trusting somebody, believing that they had the same intentions that I had, and loving the wrong person. All she was guilty of was the exact same things.” (Ali, 109:44)

• Serial Victimization: After releasing her podcast, Ali is contacted by other women targeted by the same perpetrator, revealing his predatory pattern (110:03).

• A Message of Hope: Ali channels her pain into resilience coaching and support for others facing trauma, aiming to be “the strength and the voice for other women.” (114:35–121:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening & Story Setup: 01:35 – 03:00
• Meeting at the Resort: 03:00 – 07:25
• Manipulation and Early Red Flags: 07:25 – 14:29
• The Relationship Escalates: 17:26 – 22:00
• Financial Manipulation Patterns Begin: 24:00 – 41:00
• Deaths, Deceit, and Scheduling Issues: 42:00 – 50:00
• Discovery of the Wedding: 54:51 – 56:00
• Confrontation and Gaslighting: 62:28 – 67:00
• Harassment and Revenge Porn: 85:00 – 93:20
• Ali’s Aftermath and Recovery: 97:00 – 101:35
• Impact and Podcasting as Empowerment: 100:29 – 105:07
• Legal/Police Limitations: 106:04 – 107:00
• Reflections on Judgment and Victim Blaming: 107:13 – 109:44
• Ongoing Victim Support and Advocacy: 110:03 – end

Notable Quotes

• On Manipulation:
  “He was a master manipulator. I’m not a naive little girl... This is a moment that turned into a complete nightmare.” (Ali, 14:29)

• On Love Bombing:
  “I had to talk myself into the idea of being in a long distance relationship...because I knew what the objections would be. But things got hot and heavy pretty quickly.” (Ali, 21:16)

• On Betrayal:
  “I see that he has been tagged in a post congratulating him on his wedding...It just doesn’t make sense to me. Everything goes black and it’s spinny and sparkly and your ears are ringing and it was just like this out-of-body experience.” (Ali, 55:00)

• On Harassment and Revenge Porn:
  “Six weeks after my dad died, my intimate photos and videos...were posted on social media. I was tagged. My employer’s social media was tagged. They were sent to my employer, they were posted on porn sites. And it was just a constant harassment...” (Ali, 89:39)

• On Transformation:
  “I decided—it had to be me, because I was the one strong enough to stand up and stop him. It had to be me, because this experience was meant to totally change the trajectory of my life.” (Ali, 101:45)

• On Judgment and Victimhood:
  “It’s always easy to judge and think how stupid I am. It’s a different thing when you’re in it.” (Ali, 99:14)
  “All I was guilty of was trusting somebody, believing that they had the same intentions that I had, and loving the wrong person.” (Ali, 109:44)

Memorable Moments

• Ali discovers her “boyfriend”’s wedding via a Facebook post while traveling to meet him (55:00–56:00).
• Ali and the new bride eventually become friends after uncovering their mutual victimization (77:11–85:08).
• Ali’s transparency about hitting rock bottom and contemplating suicide, as well as the healing power of sharing her story.
• The bold step of using her podcast as a threat to finally end the abuse (105:07).

Tone and Takeaways

Ali’s narrative is honest, self-aware, and laced with dark humor and candid vulnerability. She never shies away from discussing mistakes, emotional complexities, or shame, making the story highly relatable and deeply human. Both she and the host consistently push back against common victim-blaming attitudes, offering critical insights for anyone who thinks “this couldn’t happen to me.”

Ultimately, the episode is as much about survival and reinvention as it is about betrayal. Listeners are urged to recognize red flags, honor their intuition, and seek support in the wake of trauma.

Further Resources

• Ali’s Podcast: Sex, Lies, and Tacos
• Ali’s Coaching: Focused on resilience and reinvention (contact info provided in her podcast show notes and website).

If you or someone you know is facing abuse, harassment, or struggling after relationship trauma, reach out to support networks. Remember: You are not alone, and your story matters.