Molested by My Father, The Chief of Police: Surviving Satanic Ritual Abuse

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary: "Molested by My Father, The Chief of Police: Surviving Satanic Ritual Abuse"

Release Date: April 21, 2025
Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Courtney Tammany

---

Introduction

In this harrowing episode of "We're All Insane", host Devorah Roloff welcomes Courtney Tammany, a courageous survivor who unveils her deeply traumatic experiences involving sexual abuse, satanic ritual practices, and the betrayal of her own father, who served as the chief of police. Through Courtney's raw and unfiltered storytelling, listeners gain an intimate glimpse into the dark realities of organized abuse within seemingly safe communities.

Background of the Guest

Courtney Tammany introduces herself as a survivor of severe childhood trauma, including sexual assault and satanic ritual abuse orchestrated by her father. Born into a cult residing in Rivervale, Bergen County, New Jersey, Courtney's early life was marred by constant abuse and manipulation under the guise of religious and community activities.

"I was born into a cult, and, yeah, now I'm out and here I am." [00:28]

Details of the Abuse

Courtney recounts the onset of abuse at a tender age of three or four, initiated by her father, the chief of police. The abuse was not limited to her immediate family but extended to her two sisters and involved other malevolent figures within the community.

"My first memories, we lived in our house in Tenafly. I was in the bedroom I shared with my sister at the time, and he came into our room... and started touching me and doing a lot more." [01:29]

The abuse was systematic, involving sedatives to keep the siblings compliant and unaware, creating an environment where speaking out was perilous due to their father's authoritative position.

"We had a lot of sedatives which took into effect and made the abuse a lot easier." [05:56]

The Cult and Satanic Rituals

The narrative delves into the cult’s operations, revealing a sinister blend of satanic rituals and organized crime. These rituals included the heinous act of animal and human sacrifices, intended to instill fear and assert dominance within the community.

"They would go into the woods and they would play games, which were not games, and we would have to watch sacrifices." [13:11]

Courtney describes the cult’s hierarchical structure, emphasizing the generational aspect of abuse that perpetuated the cycle within influential families.

"Bloodline abuse is very... when you're abused, you either become an abuser or you break free of the cycle." [05:22]

Impact on Courtney and Her Siblings

The prolonged abuse had devastating physical and psychological effects on Courtney and her siblings. Each sibling exhibited different coping mechanisms, but all were subjected to relentless trauma that severely impaired their ability to lead normal lives.

Courtney suffered from severe physical ailments, including clitoral adhesions and later endometriosis, directly linked to the abuse.

"I had clitoral adhesions from the abuse done, which they can't say for sure because they don't know." [16:07]

Her older sister experienced debilitating neurological symptoms, leading to a complete breakdown, while her younger brother Jupiter faced threats of removal by their father.

"My older sister turned completely for six months, not able to function." [21:29]

Interaction with Authorities

When Courtney and her siblings attempted to seek help, they encountered profound systemic failure. Their father’s role within the police force created an insurmountable barrier, leading to dismissive and unhelpful responses from authorities.

"We were interviewed by his friends. So that just doesn't work well now." [31:25]

Despite providing evidence of their abuse, the investigation was superficial, with the prosecutor downplaying the severity of the crimes.

"You wouldn't know who it is if it's from behind." [31:14]

Current Status and Legal Actions

At 16, Courtney began to voice her pain more openly, resulting in a failed investigation that left her and her sisters without justice. Now 20 years old, Courtney is actively pursuing legal action, including a civil lawsuit that has escalated to a federal case in hopes of overcoming local corruption.

"I've just filed a civil lawsuit which is public. It's not sealed against him." [36:14]

Courtney is also focused on protecting her younger brother from the same fate, facing ongoing battles in the legal system to keep him safe from their father’s influence.

Conclusion and Insights

Courtney's story is a stark reminder of the hidden horrors that can exist within seemingly safe and affluent communities. Her relentless pursuit of justice and desire to spread awareness underscores the importance of believing survivors and addressing systemic failures that allow such abuse to persist.

"My main goal is to really spread awareness. Speak the truth for people to hear it." [54:44]

Courtney emphasizes the necessity of using her voice to shed light on these dark realities, hoping to empower others to come forward and break the cycle of abuse.

"I want to see justice happen. And justice will happen. I'm not going to stop until I do have justice." [54:59]

Her resilience and determination serve as a powerful testament to the human spirit's capacity to overcome unimaginable trauma and strive for a more just and vigilant society.

---

Notable Quotes

• "I was born just for the fact of abuse." – Courtney Tammany [05:08]
• "We lived in a false reality... because my dad was telling her that since she was young, she lived in a decent house." – Courtney Tammany [75:28]
• "It's a survival skill, is to put it in the back of our head and try and forget about it and just live your life." – Courtney Tammany [57:39]
• "If a kid genuinely hates their parent, not just a teenage I'm upset at them, something is severely wrong in that household." – Courtney Tammany [04:08]
• "Every people at my teachers, I had a coach when I was young. I would cry all the time. I was malnourished I was really underweight." – Courtney Tammany [55:00]

Final Thoughts

Courtney Tammany's episode is a profound exploration of abuse, manipulation, and the struggle for justice within corrupt systems. Her narrative not only highlights personal suffering but also calls for societal vigilance and systemic reform to protect vulnerable individuals from hidden atrocities.

---

For more stories like Courtney's and to share your own experiences, visit Were All Insane Podcast or email [e-mail].

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Amazon. Sometimes the most painful part of getting sick is the getting better part. Waiting on hold for an appointment, sitting in crowded waiting rooms, standing in line at the pharmacy. That's painful. Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy remove those painful parts of getting better with things like 24. 7 virtual visits and prescriptions delivered to your door. Thanks to Amazon Pharmacy and Amazon One Medical Healthcare just got less painful.

[B]

Hi, I'm Courtney Tammany. I'm a survivor of sexual assault as a child, satanic ritual abuse, and my father's molestation throughout my whole life. He is the chief of police, and I'm here today to share my story to help others and help end this epidemic of child abuse that's going on. I was born into a cult, and, yeah, now I'm out and here I am. So I was born into a cult. Satanic ritual abuse. It's a satanic culture which happens in the town of Rivervale. It's a town issue. And that's where it's local.

[A]

And is that Jersey?

[B]

It's in New Jersey. It's in Bergen County, New Jersey. It's right outside the city. But it's also very safe put together. Middle, upper white class and a lot of money compared. There's a lot more money. And that's why this is happening, because it's an organized crime. So I'm a victim and a survivor of this organized crime that went on and is still going on. So it started when I was three. We lived in our old house, three or four splurry. My father, he's the chief of police in Leonia. He started by sexually assaulting us, and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. So my first memories, we lived in our house in Tenafly. I was in the bedroom I shared with my sister at the time, and he came into our room while my mom was home and my mom wasn't home. Sorry. He came into the room while my mom was out of town for the night and just laid in bed and started touching me and doing a lot more. And my mother came back, she gave me a smurf, and that's where I was like, oh, she's back. Thank gosh. I'm okay. I'm okay. And unfortunately, it just kept getting worse from there.

[A]

How many siblings did you have?

[B]

I have two sisters.

[A]

Okay. And was it happening to all three of you guys?

[B]

Yes, it happened to all three of us. Pretty similar, but also different. Everybody has different personalities, different reactions, different fight or flight modes. But, yeah, happened all to us three.

[A]

So for you, it began, you think, when you were three or four, or that's just when you were three or four.

[B]

Yeah. So I moved into Rivervale. That's when I lived in Tenafly. So I knew I was below 4.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And we moved into our Rivervale house where the cult was happening. And this is Hannah ritual abuse. And all the members of the cult live when I was four, five.

[A]

Okay. And this might be jumping ahead, but with the cult, was it part of a church or just like it's a standalone cult?

[B]

More standalone. Okay. Definitely churches involved that help, you know, that help go about it, but more doing their own thing and their own rituals.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So the peak of my abuse was from around fourth grade to fifth. No, no, sorry. Around fourth grade to sixth grade. That's where the peak of it was all happening. Unfortunately, it did happen through the ages of 3, 3 to 15. But that's where, like, all of my memories stand out, and we're the most rampant.

[A]

I have a quick question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How. What is the age gap between you and your sisters?

[B]

So my older 1 is 17 months older than me, and then my younger one is. They're my brother now. They transitioned Jupiter two years younger than me, about.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So we're all pretty close in age.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So there's three of us and. And then there's my mom. So the normal thing with domestic violence is usually it starts with the wife. You know, you. The wife gets injured, beat. Luckily, my mom wasn't injured. She was never abused by my father. Because the more unfortunate thing is my father only had a drive for kids, which, as sickening as it sounds is that's all he cared about. That's all he wanted. And he didn't care about us. He just cared about the usage of us. I truly do believe I was born just for the fact of abuse. And it took me years to really think about that. And I was like, you know, he doesn't care about you. All he cares about is using you as an object for money and for trafficking and to have. For the cult. So a lot of cults and a lot of abuse just stems down from bloodline. Bloodline abuse is very. It's a super important thing that people don't talk about enough is when you're abused, you either become an abuser or you break free of the cycle. And breaking the cycle is super hard for a lot of people because men usually become. It might be physically, verbally abusive, some type. They start with that. If they were abused women, they don't tend to be abusive. But then they fall towards that abusive trap of a man because that's all they know. So if they're abused as a child, they're going to go to an abusive man. Man. And the man may be abusive and then the woman doesn't know how to speak out, stand up and break the cycle. So really it's just a never ending cycle of abuse.

[A]

Do you think your mom knew what your dad was doing to you girls?

[B]

No, my mom had no idea.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So a big part of it was we had a lot of sedatives were part of the abuse. So we were being sedated. It was easier. My parents never had a good relationship. They were always going to get divorced. Since I was younger, I never wanted them to be together. I just wanted to be away from my dad. But yeah, so we had a lot of sedatives which took into effect and made the abuse a lot easier. A lot quieter for my father to do. My father slept in upstairs with me and my younger brother Jupiter and my older sister slept downstairs with my mom. So we had a decent sized house. You can't hear things along with. My mom slept with earplugs in all the time. So. Yeah.

[A]

And then with the satanic ritual stuff, when did that begin? Around the same time as well.

[B]

That became when I was a little. Began when I was a little bit more older. It was kind of always lingering, but more fourth grade was when it really started.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I would say.

[A]

And how was your life like at school and things like that?

[B]

Absolutely awful. So I was going from being taken to these rituals, watching sacrifices, just being up all night and you know, it was. They had. It was a calendar. I don't know if you know, Satanic courts, they go by a calendar, their own calendar when the moon's aligned. Different holidays, like Halloween, they have a lot of different holidays. And based on that they're like events and drum circle parties, whatever they want to call it. So I wasn't able to sleep. I was up at night. And when I wasn't at these events, I was just being abused by my dad and my neighbor, which is a key role. Is my neighborhood was involved with the culture. So my neighbor Keith Slevin was abusing me. So my dad and him worked as a tag team. So when they worked together, maybe we didn't have an event that night, but they wanted to have fun with us on their own terms, which they call fun. So I'm surviving. Surviving is all I did was just trying to Live through the night. And I didn't want to survive, quite frankly. I just wanted to die. But I was just surviving. And when it woke up for school in the morning, as a child, it's so hard when you're growing, you're learning, you're trying to be social. The drugs are impacting my body. My vaginal. I can't sit. I can't sit up. My vaginal pain is so bad. My tailbone pain just from all the abuse going on. So school never hit it off for me. It just never worked out very well. I had to transfer out of school in sixth grade. I went to a private school in seventh in eighth grade. And then freshman year, I wasn't able to go to school. And I did homeschooling.

[A]

And who homeschooled you? Was it your mom?

[B]

No, I went to this program online. So, yeah.

[A]

And during this time, did you ever feel like you wanted to tell somebody what was going on or were you too scared?

[B]

I absolutely did want to tell somebody. I always wanted to spoke. I'm a very. They would call me a sc. I just was trying to fight and fight, but I just knew there was no chance of me being able to say anything because with my dad being the chief of police.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He held a gun on him at all times and legally. So. So I would be threatened with the gun to me, the gun to other people. If you spoke, speak up and tell anybody, you're going to be killed or your family's going to be killed. And what was worse than me being killed, because then I would be out of the situation was he's going to kill my mom. Nobody's ever going to know. And now I'm going to be living with him for the rest of my childhood and just him. So what more can he do? Just us, without my mom being there. It was horrifying.

[A]

Yeah. And then with the neighbor who said that started around fourth grade, was it as well?

[B]

He started younger, third grade. A little younger, but yeah, about the same time.

[A]

And that. Was he just friends with your dad or was he also in the police?

[B]

He wasn't in the police. So my grandpa was part of this cult. He still is, which trickled down to my dad. And they live about a block from each other. And then where the area where this was happening in the woods, they lived very close to the location site. So in order to get higher on the chain. Colts have a chain. You know, you're the highest up where you start lowest. So my dad was somewhere in the middle because he Was the chief of police or he was in the police. He's not. He wasn't the chief at the time. He had more power, he had more resources. He was in a good location spot, and he was generational in bloodline, so he had a little bit more going for him, which put him in the middle of the cult. So to get higher up, you recruit people. And he. My neighbor at the time, Keith Slevin, he was this alcoholic, very angry, just hitting dogs, hitting people. So my dad was like, this is a perfect opportunity, you know? So he took him in under his wing tag, teamed with him and brought him into the cult, which gives him more points or whatever you want to call it.

[A]

And can you describe and kind of explain from your experience, I guess, how the satanic culture ran, like, kind of the ins and outs of them? Yeah, because I never. I mean, I feel like I've heard the term, but I've never really had it explained or someone with firsthand experience.

[B]

So California, New Jersey, New York are the main trafficking and cult areas. It happens all over the country. This is just one of the small towns that trickle into the bigger abuse. So it's based off seasons. It's a seasonal cult. It happens in the fall, the spring, not in the winter, not in the summer, but that's when it happens. They go by seasons. They have their own special calendar about what they do. They wear masks. That's like an important thing, is they always would wear these masks with bones or whatever. They wanted to scare you. And it was also a power thing, is I have this mask on. I look more powerful. I killed this animal. So what they would do, essentially, is we would go into the woods and we would play games, which were not games, and we would have to watch. There was a lot of fire. It was very fire, cold. A lot of fire would go on. A lot of burnings. Burnings of animals, animal skins, humans as well. What scared us the most is, okay, we're doing this to these people that we've trafficked. Why won't we do this to you? You know, you have. You need to be scared for your life because we just did that to this young girl or this young boy. So why wouldn't we do it to you if you're not acting well?

[A]

So they were like, actually burning young kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was. This cult was intertwined with trafficking.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, that's. And do you know that, like, in their mind, what were these sacrifices doing for them? Like, just giving them more power?

[B]

I think a really weird aspect of it is when you're a child and you're going through this, you're kind of just trying to survive. So I'm there and I'm. I always said, you know what, the more you close your eyes, the better. When the big sacrifices were happening or anything, if I can close my eyes, I'm going to close them. So I would close them. The less I see, the better it is. The less I hear, the better it is, the less you have to remember and see. So I would do that unless I was forced to keep my eyes open during these games events, abuse. I never quite understood what the point was as a kid. I just was trying to survive more than anything. And I knew it was, they wanted to take this. It gave them more power. It was a thrill for them. Taking kids blood is essentially something they would do.

[A]

And how long would these sacrifices last.

[B]

Usually do you know, go on about an hour or so. It depended on the holiday, depended on the event. But going through it as a kid is. I didn't need to understand and I was so young and I was put into this as this is what normal is. Your father is doing this. This is kind of normal. And I knew it wasn't normal or right and I wanted to speak up, but I didn't know any differently since I was born. You want to love your parent. So after this, now that I've gotten older, I've gotten out of it, I've been doing more research on what was I really a part of, what was I in? And it's just, it's very interesting to be like, wow, this is what they were doing, you know, just going online and doing research of what I was really a part of and not just being there because when you're there, you're trying to survive and nothing else.

[A]

Would your mom go to these sacrifices?

[B]

No, my mom was not aware of the sacrifices. My mom would be sleeping. My dad as a police officer groomed my mom since she was 19. I think they started dating was the age and he kind of just was always like, yeah, you never need to worry about cameras being in the house. You never need to lock the doors. You don't need to worry about sexual assault. Why would you be worried about this? I'm a police officer, I'll tell you. And she truly did believe him. She came from a upper class family and didn't know any differently.

[A]

Did she know that he was in a cult at all or no.

[B]

Okay, so she didn't know until like.

[A]

Removed from the situation.

[B]

She was totally removed. Is which is a little bit different with our story is she wasn't in it at all. There was no part of her.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He could have been giving her sedatives like he gave us every night.

[A]

Right. He just was controlling, basically, but he was controlling this.

[B]

And, yeah, most domestic violence cases, the mother's abused and then the kids are abused, but. So she wasn't. She wasn't abused, like, mentally, yes, but physically, no. She was never physically abused as of my knowledge and as she's spoken, which is why she had no idea. So When I was 16, I had to get vaginal surgery. I've had two vaginal surgeries. When I turned 12, I was in a lot of vaginal pain, and I would be leaking UTIs, constant issues, endless pain. I went to a couple doctors. They'd be like, it's normal. We don't really know what's going on. And I'd be like, okay. Once I turned 16, I was like, something's really just wrong. I know I'm in pain. Like, this just isn't right. I had clitoral adhesions from the abuse done, which they can't say for sure because they don't know, but it's usually with a lot of clitoral usage, which wasn't done by me, was done by my father, unfortunately. And then I had adhesions where I had to get a minor surgery put knocked under at 16, which is when my abuse kind of started all pouring out. And I started speaking to my mother about it. And when she first heard about what was really going on and why we.

[A]

Were sick and what was her reaction to that?

[B]

At first, she was. She wasn't in denial, but there's a part of you that wants to be in denial. She believed us. She listened to us, but she didn't fully believe it. She just kind of was like, okay, yeah, sure. Like, you know, I'm here for you.

[A]

All of your siblings come out at the same time, or was it just you?

[B]

All similar times. So first it started with me and my older sister is. She knew I had been sexually abused, and she's like, well, yes, the same thing happened to me. And me and her came out at the same time, and we didn't want to bother my younger sibling. And then it wasn't until DC pnp, Child Protective Services came over that he started spilling out his memories. After that, when we were children, the sedatives that my father was giving us was making us so, so sick. There were days where I would walk up the staircase And I would fall over. Like walking up the stairs was so hard for me. I would just get lightheaded and fall over and have to lay on the ground. I couldn't shower. My sister, when she was in seventh grade, my older one, she turned completely for six months, not able to function. She couldn't walk, she couldn't move. She could really talk. She had severe brain fog. She was stuck on her couch. She would lay on her couch and I thought she was going to die. So my mother took her to endless doctors. She took us to all, like a handful of doctors being like, what is wrong with my kids? I was acting out mentally. My older sister was physically dying in a sense. She couldn't move. She didn't shower for months. What's going on? You know, like, what happened? And my dad just kind of sat there like, doesn't matter to me. Take him to doctors. So we were essentially being failed and no doctors, which is a really important part is nobody asked us if we were ever being abused. And I wonder what the outcome would have been if we were asked. I went to a therapist since I was at a young age to around sixth grade. Lorna Goldberg in Englewood, New Jersey. She was a cult specialist for young adolescents. She knew my dad as well before me, and she never asked me if I was being abused. She never asked me. And doctors would assume it. They would tell them. My therapist asked me. She never did. I told her I wanted to be treated like I was an abused dog. Basically I was trying to say I was abused without saying I'm being abused. I was like, I want to be treated like an abused dog because I feel like that I was never once asked. And I was failed horrifically by not only her, but by a psychiatrist who was giving me medication. She met with me three, four times a week. Nancy Tans her for money. And I was severely suicidal as a 12 year old. You don't really know how to kill yourself. Luckily, I was young enough to not know how to do it, but I knew I wanted to die. So for me, it would be holding your breath till you pass out, thinking you'd die, which wouldn't work. Not drinking water to death to die. All silly things that never would have worked or did work. But she told me, you have too much anxiety to kill yourself. Straight to my face while I was 12, saying, I'm going to kill myself. And right after that moment, I'm looking at her, I was like, you know what? You don't think I can kill myself Now I'm Going to kill myself because you don't think I'm capable. What the hell? So, yeah.

[A]

So how long did you go to her?

[B]

Not very long. My mom is pretty. She's very smart. She advocated for us, and she realized this wasn't the right place for me. She sent me to a program, Nancy Tancer, called High Focus, which was essentially a day program, not a mental hospital where you go. It left me more traumatized than I did not. I just needed help, and they sent me there, and all they cared about was just the money and having you there for the day. It felt like I was a prisoner, and I was just a young girl who was hearing all these horrific stories of people trying to kill themselves. So it wasn't till then that I learned, okay, yeah, this is how I could kill myself. So that night, I did come home, and I was like, I'm going to kill myself, and I'm gonna do it. And my parents had a very close watch on me at the time, luckily, and unluckily, because my father was watching me. But that was when I had to take his annex to fall asleep, and I fell asleep with my father in the bed touching me, and just. It all went blurry from there.

[A]

And how old were you when that happened?

[B]

12. I was in the sixth grade.

[A]

And were you and your siblings close at this time? Like, were you guys. Did you guys ever talk about the abuse that was happening?

[B]

We did. We were close, but me and my younger brother Jay, we were very close. And me and my older sister Sarah were close. But when my older sister got sick, my dad's. My dad really wanted to tear us apart from each other, make us all hate each other, so we couldn't work together. So he was like, your sister's faking being sick. Your sister's not sick. This is what's happening. So he just wanted to give us this fire to go at each other so that we couldn't work together out of this. So it was very difficult. Same with my mother. I had a lot of hate towards my mother as a kid. Not hate, but I was angry at her for sure, for being like, she doesn't know what's going on. And I couldn't tell her. So there was a lot of anger, which is a very common thing for kids that are being abused, to be mad at the parent that's not able to see it or listening.

[A]

Yeah. So with these cults and these rituals, how many people would you say were involved in them?

[B]

So a big part of it was we had the regulars that would come to the cult. And then we had the more holiday events. So the regulars would be about 7 to 10. That would come on regular.

[A]

And they were always in the woods?

[B]

Always in the woods or basements, which is a big part. Or did you have like tunnel systems, which is another issue. But in the woods or in basements. That was how it happened. And so for the regular events, a couple days a week, it'd be about five to 10. And then for the holidays, we'd have as much as 12 to 15 different men. Some men would bring their kids, but most of them didn't.

[A]

So it was mainly men at these.

[B]

It was men only. It was a man only eventually.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Doesn't mean the wives didn't know what was going on and weren't a part of it.

[A]

But during these rituals and meetings, it was just the men there.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then was it always you and your siblings or was it sometimes just you?

[B]

Always me and my siblings, for the most part.

[A]

And then sometimes these other guys would.

[B]

Bring their kids, their kids in sedatives. Depends on the day.

[A]

And do you think that they would bring their kids to kind of try to almost groom them into that kind of lifestyle, like, so that they start young and then, okay, they can grow up being. Right. Because that's all that they know.

[B]

That's all they know, right? Yeah, that's all I knew. So try to get them to be a part of it when they grew up. Because bloodline is really important for them, is if you have generations of this going on. This has been going on for generations. My dad, my grandpa, his dad. It's gone on for many years.

[A]

And do you think that they got involved because of the location?

[B]

I think location was key. My grandparents lived in a. They still do live in a great location right next to it all. And we moved in a block away from them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So when you have the location, you immediately go up on the charts as, okay, I'm here. So the cult was. This was just one of the satanic cults was in our town. But essentially they would meet with once a year, yearly, with all around the states. And they would all go to these bigger conventions of let's talk about what we're doing. It's going on throughout the states, all the states or most of the states. And they would meet up once a year and have these big organizations of what they were going to do. Talk about it and just. Yeah, keep going.

[A]

I know that you said that they were sacrificing children. Were they like selling children Back and forth as well, do you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They were. They were selling children, using them. A lot of child pornography went on, which was another key aspect, I guess you could say.

[A]

And that. Would that happen during the rituals as well?

[B]

No, that was more separate from the rituals. That was more in the trafficking aspect. And just my dad at home with me and him, fourth grade was take your daughter to work day. Take your kid to work day. So I went with him to work. And I always wanted to love my dad. I always do want to love a parent. And I think something people need to know is you want to love your parent. If a kid genuinely hates their parent, not just a teenage. I'm upset at them. If they hate their parent, something is severely wrong in that household because it's hard to hate a parent. I wish I could love my dad. And he will always be like, well, I still love you. It doesn't matter. No, you don't want to hate your parent. It's. It's a very hard thing. So take kid to work day. We went to this horse barn at his work where they gave us these horseshoes. And he installed it in my room above my closet. A horseshoe with a screw in it. And he was like, this is a camera. And I'm always going to be watching you in your room. Like, whatever goes on in here is always going to be recorded, and I will always be watching you. Like, there is no escape. So he would put up cameras. He would record it. I bought a. I got a loft bed when I was in sixth grade to try and get away from the abuse, because he used this fat old man. Not to put him on blast, but I'll put him on blast. He was a fat old man, so I knew I could crawl up there quicker than he could grab me. So I would save myself maybe 10 seconds from the abuse, but it was still 10 seconds. And I was gonna do everything I could to save myself, because this is a ladder. I got into my bed, so I would go in there. It did not work. It did not save me much, but it was. I tried.

[A]

Do you think that your neighbor would pay him to be. To, like, be able to do things with you?

[B]

Honestly, that's a great question. I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if that was what's going on. But I also. I really like to tell people my dad and my neighbor were two different types of psychopaths. My neighbor was an alcoholic who just had no mercy, just wanted to beat kids, rape them, assault them. And my dad Was a very strategical thinker of how he was going about this, what he was doing, how he's gonna do it. It's an organized crime. They did it, and they had it down to a method that they've been doing it for years. So my neighbor, I don't think he cared as much about money. He just cared about being able to use people for abuse. His main thing was I was a blonde little girl, and they had two kids, they have two sons that are the age of me and my other sister. So we were really close with them. So that's how we got close, and that's why we hung out with them. So they had I always be hanging out with them. The Keith Slevin has a fantasy fetish for young blondes, little girls. That's what his type was. So out of me and my sisters, my brother, I was really the one he wanted. So he. I was like his personal object or toy, which was awful, but it's the truth.

[A]

And was this a weekly occurrence with the neighbor and your dad?

[B]

Yeah, in the cold. It was weekly, depending on the season. And then when the cult wasn't having events, it would just be my father and my neighbor or other men just all hanging out in the basements, getting together. We have another family in our town with two girls our age that have had the exact same thing happen. They reported it to child protective services. We've all reported it with evidence, and they've just simply failed us.

[A]

So where do things stand right now? You came out at what age?

[B]

About this? 16. And I went to go to. I was investigated and questioned at 17.

[A]

Okay. And what was the result of that?

[B]

Absolutely awful. We were failed. My dad is in Bergen county, which. Where we live. We were interviewed by his friends. So that just doesn't work well now.

[A]

Were his friends involved in the cult as well?

[B]

Some of them were, yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it goes to, like, a larger issue of this isn't just him and some people in town. This is. This runs deep. It runs deep. So part of the people in the prosecutor's office or in the police station were also a part of it. So going to them was just like sitting in a room with my father. I sat down with the prosecutor, Matt Zerblocki, and I sat down and I was like, wow. I don't think I can even fight or tell my story too much, because I feel like I'm just looking at a soul with no eyes, at eyes, with no soul behind them. This is just like I'm sitting down with my Father. And I understand how you have to be investigated and talked to, but there were just things that were said to me that were so not right. Unlawful. It was. You're sitting here. I told them, crying, I'm a young girl. I was like, I was raped at this age. They're like, well, why would that guy ever want to do that? That's gross for him. That sucks for him. And I sat there like, I can't argue with this, man. I'm not gonna go anywhere. This is just gonna go in circles. That was the only time I said something back to him. And I'm like, well, why do serial killers kill people? You know, why? Why would somebody want to have sex with that person? I'm like, well, why do serial killers kill people? Can you give me a reason? And he didn't give me a reason. We moved on. I told him I had been raped from behind by Keith Slevin in his bedroom. And he told me, well, you wouldn't know who it is if it's from behind. And I was like, well, I do remember who it is. I was there. I heard voices. I was in his bedroom. Lots of things like that that were just absolutely cruel to hear.

[A]

Was your mom with you while they were asking you these questions, or did they make you be alone?

[B]

They may just be alone. All three of us. It's on the record. They put you in this little investigation room, going through all this trauma. You're a young girl, and they don't care. They didn't care. And I don't know how that is in other places, other counties, but I know my county, Bergen county prosecutors, they did not get crap about what we had been through because they knew my dad. We were told that they would put in a safety plan for when my dad found out he was being investigated because we truly thought we were going to be killed right by him or somebody in this organization. And we found out he was being investigated. Not by them, by his own parents, weeks later, that he already knew. They lied to us over and over and over again. My mom told them, I'm scared for my Jupiter. I'm scared for Jupiter. I'm scared for my kids. Because he held a gun to their heads, which is what my Jupiter told my mom and said, I'm going to kill you. And off the record, the prosecutor said, well, it only happened one time. You don't need to be scared. Which is such an unfathomable thing to say. It only happened one time. Doesn't matter. I then went to my local town Police just to go, just for hope. Because now I'm still living in this town trying to heal and recover. And all I'm driving past is my rapists, people that I know, my dad, my grandparents, the sites, the locations, the places I've been taken to. And I go to them and I said, I'm looking to, you know, this is what happened. And they said, we can only give you maybe a restraining order and only one for two weeks. And they didn't even give me one. No judge wanted to talk to me. They laughed in my faces and said, okay, yeah, you don't get one. And I'm like, okay. So were you.

[A]

Did they only ask you questions and do the investigation or whatever? They want to consider it that one time when you were 17, or is this like an ongoing thing now?

[B]

It's only been an investigation that's happened once. Right now, my parents still aren't forest. So the only thing I know about it is my youngest sibling, Jupiter, is 17 and a half. And the past four, three and a half years, my dad's been fighting for custody of Jupiter. And Jupiter doesn't have a voice. They won't listen. The courts won't listen. Jupiter spoke what's happened to them, and all they care about is saying it doesn't matter if this happened or not or if this is all a bunch of bs. You should still have a relationship with your father.

[A]

So is your dad still chief of police right now?

[B]

He is still actively the chief of police. I did just file a civil lawsuit which is public. It's not sealed against him. The prosecutors, because we had a severe failure to investigate. Nobody investigated anything. We went to them with evidence, we went to them with pictures. We actually went into the woods that had happened and found pictures of a lot and lots of evidence that I don't want to go into details about just for the sake of having it. We have pictures of it all and they just didn't take it. They didn't care. We had evidence. We met with. I've met with other parents and moms that have had evidence and videos of them being abused. And in certain states, they don't take video abuse. Why? They just don't. They've changed the law now for a lot of states, but there also are states that they just. They won't take video abuse. They won't take it. The police. It's just. They don't have to. So this happened to a mother, and it was either Minnesota or Missouri, unfortunately. Her husband then shot her son who was 2 years old and himself. And then the police had to believe it because there's not enough evidence. Until they find a dead body, there's not enough amount of evidence that they want to care or listen to. And it's. The question is, do they care or are they part of it?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's where we need to really think.

[A]

And the thing is, too, is even if all of them aren't part of it, even if half of them are, it reflects badly on all of them. So they're just gonna want to cover it up.

[B]

Exactly. We've met with, you know, cps. I've met with some very nice people from CPS and a lot of very awful people from cps. A lot of young people that come into this. They want to help people. That's all they want. But at the end of the day, when they're people in charge of them, like the CEOs managers, whatever it may be, they're in charge, they get silenced. They don't have a voice, and they unfortunately become corrupt or leave the field.

[A]

And are you able to go up the line? Like, instead of dealing with police, can you deal with, like, FBI or something like that?

[B]

That's what we're trying to do, and we've been trying to do. So my civil case was supposed to be in the county with the police. Now it's a federal case, so it's going up. But how far does this go is the question is, I've heard and talked to many people where this goes farther than just being a state matter. It goes federal. And how far does this corruption go is what we need to really find an end to. And that's what's super important, is people get justice. But where does this end? I've had no end. I'm 20. I worry about my younger brother every day being taken from us.

[A]

So he lives with your mom?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. And is your. Where is your dad living? By himself?

[B]

He lives by himself that we know of.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like a mile or a couple miles from our house.

[A]

So is your mom in contact with.

[B]

Your dad at all? Just between the courts, I think, but otherwise, no, not that I know of.

[A]

And then your older sister, is she on her own now?

[B]

She's off in college. She started late, but she's now a freshman in college.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So she's not in the household.

[A]

So right now it's basically just trying to figure out how you can press charges in a way or just.

[B]

Just to keep honestly, Jupiter in our. Where they want to be, which is with us and not with their abuser. Because the courts, I think the courts do want Jupiter with my father, and my father wants Jupiter with him. So it's more of just a safety thing is this kid just went through so much and now we have to worry about being back with this man. In what world does that make sense? There's this really good documentary, American Nightmare, which is different than what I went through, but also very similar in the way that I recommend so many people to watch it is it's on Netflix. The way that they dealt with the FBI, the police, the prosecutors, and the way that they were failed, and it's on video and now it's documentary. And how badly they were failed. And they only got justice when they found a lot of evidence, only because one young lady wanted to take them seriously. They were failed by the FBI, they were failed by the police, and that kind of shows you what we're going through. And this other family in my town's gone through. I've had childhood friends, which I've drifted from, just because my dad has abused not only me, but my childhood friends. And they've told me, your dad has abused me when I was a kid. It's awful to hear you feel guilty. In a sense, it's like, that's my dad. You were friends with me. But at the same time, none of this is my fault because he is my father. I was just trying to survive.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So there's multiple people, families that have all been through this in the same two, three towns. Rivervale, Westwood, Hillsdale.

[A]

And when's the last time you talked to your dad?

[B]

I haven't talked to him since I was about 17. He sent me a text when I was maybe 18. And he just denies all of it. That's where his head's at, is just deny, deny, deny, deny. I never had a sexual assault talk when I was little from my dad or my parents because he was assaulting us. It was never, oh, be careful of stranger, Stranger danger. Not once. He would watch me be abused by Keith Slevin. He was. That was what he did. We would play games with other men in the woods. One of them is called Hunter and Gatherer. That's what I call it. And they would call it. And you're in the woods at night. You have let's seven, 10 kids. And some of the men are hunters, where they have to find you. You get a certain couple minutes to go run and hide. And the other ones are the gatherers. So the hunters would hit you over the head with a beam. A bat My father, as a cop had a nightstick, hit you with that, pass out or grab you by the shoulders on this spot. It's this nerve that would make us pass out. And the gatherers would come. They'd be only two or three assigned gatherers and they would come get you and molest you, assault you to whatever extent that they wanted. But they made it as if it was a game and you could win. But after doing the game enough times, you realized there was no winning, you weren't going to win.

[A]

Like the result was always the same.

[B]

Yeah, you were always going to be hit. They just wanted to watch you look terrified and run. And I would be terrified. My younger brother Jupiter was a lot slower than me and not as athletic and just I would have to take the hit for them. And I would try, but then they would still get abused anyway. So it was, at what point do I help others versus save myself? Because we're all going to be hurt.

[A]

So they would knock the kids unconscious and then molest them. Would kids ever wake up during.

[B]

Yes. So sometimes I'd wake up during it and realize just hands in my pants, this is what's going on. And other times I would wake up unsure of what went on. Along with, we did have the sedatives in us to transport us to these locations that they brought us. So it was easier, quicker.

[A]

Would kids ever scream?

[B]

Yeah, I would scream a lot. Yeah, I was a screamer. I was allowed. I was a very feisty child with that as I should have been. Depends on the kids. Some kids are quiet. They know what's gonna happen. They just let it happen. Some of the kids would scream, some of them would fight. But you know if you have a screaming child, you're gonna get in trouble because your child screaming like my dad would get in trouble for bringing me if I was gonna be feisty. So I needed more sedatives.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I would need to be essentially hit harder. So it was what point does it serve me to be that screaming, kicking child?

[A]

Right. Because it wouldn't help you because it.

[B]

Wouldn'T necessarily help you. No. Maybe it will help you one out of 50 times, but no, it didn't help me.

[A]

Do you remember any of the other so called games that they would have you guys do?

[B]

These weren't as, strike me as as much as games. They were just like wooden planks on the trees. They'd tie your hands up to them and then abuse you because you were just, you couldn't do anything. You were helpless, you were really, truly helpless. If your hands are tied up and they would abuse you, they would make you. We would have to watch other kids be abused as a punishment as well. It's just seeing other kids being abused is awful because you can fight for yourself, but when you see somebody else or your siblings being abused, it just hurts even more. You want to be able to help them. So that was part of the punishment games and just being tied up and being abused and forced eye contact was also along with it. When it wasn't in these big rituals, you would. Depending on your abuser and if you were lucky that day or not lucky. Do you have to have eye contact with them? Can I close my eyes? It depends. It just depended on the day.

[A]

So they wanted you to look at them in their. In their eyes while they would abuse you?

[B]

Abuse you? Yeah. Whether that be them having a mask on, some type of, like, satanic, animalistic mask or not. Eye contact was something they wanted for their own thrill or whatever it may be. Scare tactic. So when I could, I would close my eyes, but I couldn't always close my eyes. Right.

[A]

To, like, give yourself that escape.

[B]

Yeah. It has saved me a lot, but it's also. Yeah, right.

[A]

How much can you escape such.

[B]

Not much when you're going through it. So much for a couple years and also just being abused for multiple years.

[A]

So this went on from 3, all the way till 16 or 17?

[B]

15.

[A]

15.

[B]

And then I got out of the house when I was. I didn't get out of the house. My dad got out of the house when I was just turning 17.

[A]

And did he leave easily?

[B]

No. So when he left, he thought we were still gonna have a relationship with him. We essentially did have to trick him that I was. I tricked him. I was going to go to his house. He bought this apartment. I would come over. He had a bedroom ready for me. He had everything so that he would leave because I knew once he left the house, he wouldn't be back in. So he left. And he didn't realize that I was never going to speak to him again. And I was. I had to trick him that I still loved him. I was gonna do all this stuff. I played the games. I played my cards right. He got out of the house, and then he realized after a couple months, oh, crap, my kids are never gonna see me again. And that's what happened.

[A]

And then what age did you find your therapist that you like now?

[B]

Around 17 or 16.

[A]

And did you tell her right away, like, everything that you had gone through?

[B]

I did I've been to a couple. A handful of therapists as a kid. Psychiatrist. And the first therapist I went to, she was sweet. She was great. But she just. When I would tell her this stuff, she would look at me horrified and scared for her own. She was young. Safety. And I'm like, you're scared for your own safety. I'm the one that's living through this. They wouldn't want to report it to cps. They wouldn't want their name tied to it because they were scared of my father. He's the chief of police. So once I met my therapist, she was great. It was hard for me to go to therapy after being to some very awful therapists. I did not want to. I talked to her, and then after a little bit of time, we clicked really well. And she's been such a good advocate for me and helping me heal through my journey.

[A]

What has been some of the struggles for yourself, just coming out of everything that you went through?

[B]

I feel like coming out of it is I really. I'm still not out of it, which is the problem is I'm out of it, to a sense, is I have freedom. I can go to bed. And I'm like, this is great. I can go to bed on my own.

[A]

But you don't have the justice.

[B]

But I don't have any justice. And.

[A]

And it's still happening.

[B]

Yes. More importantly is. I'm. It's still happening, and I'm still worried for Jay's safety every day. Jay's not out of this, and we're in this together. I'm worried for that. So once Jay turns 18 in September, I feel like there will be a part of me lifted, of, okay, finally, after 20 years, almost 21, everybody's gonna be safe from him, in a sense. Safe, like, legally not having to be with him. He could harm us in other ways, but he would get in trouble. And then the main part is I just. There's no justice for us. We've been silenced. The first thing they do is try and break you down. You go in there and everybody says, speak your truth. You go in, you speak your truth, and they laugh at you. They make you sound crazy. They try and make you think, why would I have ever said this? Why should I tell anybody? And then if you don't get turned away, which most people do, you take it a step farther. And nobody's taken it. Not many people have taken it very far. They get shut down, was the first part of your question.

[A]

I was just asking as far as for Yourself, you know the effects. Yeah, like reflecting back on it, like what have your struggles been that you've noticed?

[B]

I love to say that I just am a very not anxious person and I'm not an anxious person, but I do have a lot of ptsd, a lot of anxiety with certain matters. I will never do drugs because I've been drugs. You know, alcohol scares me because I've been put under drugs, dizzy, unconscious. If I touch it, I'll have a panic attack. Being in a relationship as far as sexually and emotionally with a man, it was horrifying. When I was 16, I've always liked men, I've always been attracted to them. I said I'm never going to have a boyfriend. I will always be single because I can't do it. I would rather die than be with somebody and let them see me. It took me years for somebody to be able to see me sexually, for me to heal and I would kiss a guy and throw up from my anxiety from it. And I'm really not an anxious person. I have never been, only when I was born.

[A]

But anything for you revolving, you know, sex and sexuality was forced, negative.

[B]

It still is. Unfortunately to this day I don't think my relationships sexually have ever been able to be something. And not only has it been mental, it's also been okay. I've healed so much mentally. There's very importantly, there's physical damage done to my pelvic area and to my head that still hasn't healed. I have endometriosis. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's a 1 in 10 women have it. It's a chronic illness. Top 20 most painful chronic illnesses you can have and there's no cure. I've found great doctors. I've just recently got diagnosed at 19, just had surgery for it and I have severe endometriosis at a young age which created nerve damage. And if you're abused, you're a lot more likely to have it. The chances of being having endometriosis and being abused are a lot more likely. If you're mentally, physically, sexually abused. It's a lot more common genetics wise. My mom had it, but nothing like me, they did surgery. So now not only am I physically in pain to have a sexual life in an everyday day to day life, I'm also mentally in pain and it's triggering when I'm physically in pain in my pelvic area because it's giving me these feelings of what it felt like to be being abused.

[A]

It's a reminder.

[B]

Yeah. And it just sits there all the time. And I work, I'm a rock climbing coach. I love my job, but there's days I just, I can't get in. I can't work long shifts. I have really bad back pain from my tailbone, my pelvic area, my endometriosis where I can't stand or sit for more than a couple hours straight without being in severe pain in flare ups. And it's just awful. You know, I was 17 and I was going through all this pain and I'm like, this isn't normal. And the doctors would just say, you know, take an antibiotic. Maybe you're just in pain from being with a man or like sexually in pain. And I was like, no, this isn't happening to my friends. Something is wrong. And it took me a while to find a doctor that listened and was like, you know what? Something is wrong. And that's when they found that I had severe endometriosis that grows back over time. But I did just get it all removed off of a couple organs. My rectum, my ovaries, all over my pelvic cavity. They found it, it had just spread, which has affected my health severely.

[A]

Yeah. Horrible.

[B]

Yeah. And nobody's at fault or at anything for this. And I just have to worry each day is okay. Am I safe? We just moved into apartments come the fall summer and I felt safer than ever. Luckily, I don't feel like I'm being watched or followed and it's great. I really do enjoy it. But.

[A]

So right now would you say your main goal is just obviously to spread awareness and then just get the justice? Hopefully.

[B]

Yeah. My main goal is to really spread awareness. Speak the truth for people to hear it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And denial is a huge thing. People don't want to believe things that are so horrific because it's easier for us not not to believe.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Things that happen than it is to believe it. And it's hard. And I wish I could just say, yeah, none of this ever happened. Throw it away. But you're going to be living in this uncomfortable state forever. So I want to see justice happen. And justice will happen. There's no doubt. I'm not going to stop until I do have justice.

[A]

And you shouldn't.

[B]

Along with for other people them to come forward or just be comfortable and able to speak about it. And you know what? I'm not alone throughout this. All people at my teachers, I had a coach when I was young. I would cry all the time. I was malnourished I was really underweight. I just looked sickly, like I had been being abused. Bags under my eyes. You looked at me, you would think, what is this kid going through? I came back four years later to the coach. Five, like five years later. And I went up to him and I'm like, hi, how are you? It's Courtney. And he was like, oh my gosh, you look so different. You used to look like you were so scared and like basically abused. And I was like, well, yeah, that's what was going on. I didn't say that, but that is what was going on.

[A]

So the endometriosis where you. Is that something you're born with or. It's formed.

[B]

It's formed. So once you start your first period, it can start growing and it grows with each period. And then everybody has endometrios.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Endometrial cells, some of them just grow outside of where they're supposed to. And with each period they grow more and more, if I'm correct.

[A]

And then it becomes a problem if you're raped or assaulted or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It can make.

[B]

It causes more inflammation.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Which is how they're produced, I'm pretty sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then it spreads from. It can. It's been found in every organization, been found on the eye, the brain. It's not common, but it spreads.

[A]

And then you can have flare ups.

[B]

Flare ups, which are really uncomfortable. I'm like an 80 year old lady. My bladder doesn't work correctly. I just have to use the restroom all the time. And it sucks. I'm like, I'm 20 years old. I feel like I'm an old grandma.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I'm 20. What the heck? I can't tell when I have to pee or not. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. And then I did have another question for you. I know that you said that there were other people in your area or your town that this was also happening to or they were involved. Are they trying to come forward as well or are they mainly just kind of staying quiet, you think?

[B]

I haven't spoken to many of them. A couple of them want to come forward. The other ones, it's such a traumatic thing that it's easier to stay quiet and kind of move on with their life. But they're also still living with their abusers. Some people do want to come forward. Other people still live with their abusers and don't have a choice. And also, denial and suppressed memories is a huge thing. I don't know if you've heard about what suppressed memories are, it's something our brain does to help deal with such trauma, where we put them in the back of our head or we forget about it and leave it there so we don't have to think about it. When you're surviving and going through something so horrific, it's a survival skill, is to put it in the back of our head and try and forget about it and just live your life and focus on what's up, what's next.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And there's lots of studies done about it, which you can go online and do plenty of research on. But suppressed memories are huge with people who have been assaulted or in any type of horrific event. And. Yeah.

[A]

And it's traumatic to, you know, make that decision to open that can of worms and go down that path. And I feel like it's not a quick process, you know, it's a bunch of interviews and questions and recounting the worst parts of people's lives.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like a lot of people just don't want to do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Especially if they're not going to be listened to or believed.

[B]

Right. So when I was young, you know, the only thing I hoped was when I got out is I'm going to go to the police and they're going to listen to me. And my dad always told me, I'm going to kill you. I'll kill anybody. If you speak about it, the police aren't going to listen to you. I'm all friends with them. But in order to survive, I had to have some hope. I had to have hope that I was going to make it and somebody was gonna listen to me. And then to make it out and be failed so awfully was just like, what am I supposed to do now? And now I realize the most important thing is my voice.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Which is more than any justice or. Well, no, that's not true. But that's the most important thing for me is to have my voice and be able to use it and share it and help other people, Whether it be smaller issues, bigger issues my friends are going through and help shed light.

[A]

Or even if there's someone that's younger, that they've grown up in a cult environment and that is all they know is their normal. I think that you serve that purpose of not only can you get out of it, but it's not normal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not okay. And I mean, the fact that no one listened to you or did anything or believed you and you're still not letting it silence you is Extremely powerful.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Very powerful. And it takes a lot of. I mean, to be like, strength isn't even the word. Because a lot of people would let the fear overcome them and just be like, it's just not even worth it, you know, like, I'm out of it. Let me just forget about it and move on. But they try the reality of it.

[B]

And just break you and break you and break you and then silence you as well. I don't know if you know what a gag order is.

[A]

No.

[B]

So in the courts, I know my mom has one, you could have a case and then they will legally silence you so that you cannot speak about your case or your abuse. And it's like an NDA, but you're silenced. It's a gag order. So you can't talk about anything. What's going on to you. You can't do it. And a lot of mothers get these. Or fathers, specifically mothers. And then they can't speak about their case or they get arrested and go to jail. And I've known women that have. I've been to conventions about it.

[A]

So your mom can't say anything?

[B]

My mom can't legally speak about anything she's going through. So I don't get to know what's going on in the courts. And I also. She can't even speak to her closest friends or her parents or anybody because she is now silenced. And that's what they want to do to me.

[A]

And how does that come about? Like, how is it that you haven't gotten one yet?

[B]

Because I don't have a law case going on besides my civil case, which they could make sealed and they could give me a gag order about the civil case, but I still would be able to speak about my abuse, hopefully, just not what's going on in the case matter.

[A]

So right now, were you kind of just waiting to see if it's going to be taken and moved up the ladder?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It just started. It's going federal now. You can search it up. My first and last name. You can pay 10 cents for each page. There's 35 for the docket on docket, and you can get the whole thing.

[A]

And it's basically like everything that you recounted that you've gone through. Yeah, okay.

[B]

Just an overall, quick. I mean, 35 pages, but just kind of who's being sued or attempted to be sued and who was in the wrong and the failure to investigate, failure to protect and what's going on with all of that. And they could easily let it slide because My dad has a lot of power and he has a lot of people on his side, side, but we don't know what's going to happen. And it's worth trying.

[A]

Yeah. And it's interesting to me because to a degree I get that he has a lot of power which would make it suppressed and just, you know, pushed under the rug case. But you would think if it's, you know, this, it goes beyond just this family abuse and assault and it's other, you know, see sacrifices and these other huge things. But like you said, it's when it comes to trafficking it's like how far up does it really go and who is involved?

[B]

That's the real question is how far does it really go. We've had people investigate our case, Homeland Security and from what I've known, like we had a really great guy in our case and he just disappeared and got taken off of it because he was, he wasn't corrupt. He was doing what he was supposed to do and he ended up being taken off of it. We have never heard it from him since. We don't know where he is, what he's doing with his life. But they don't want anybody to take this down. It's because a lot of people are part of this and it's benefiting them. There's a lot of money in this industry. There's child pornography, there's trafficking, there's drugs, there's selling your kids for an hour and saying, okay, you want to use my child for an hour, I'll give you to this per this man. You could do whatever you want, make films, but I want them back. And you're going to make a lot of money.

[A]

So money is a huge thing in these cults. Yeah, just like trading and doing cults, trafficking.

[B]

I personally, people in the cults more care about power than money.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's more of an ego and just a brainwashed satanic. This is what we believe in, this is what we worship, this is what we do.

[A]

And just using these children for their benefit.

[B]

And then when it comes to trafficking and money, it's a big money maker. And I think what we've been failed as a society is when you think of a pedo from day one, you think it's somebody who's homeless, somebody who's a drug addict, an alcoholic. But in reality these are middle aged, upper class white men that are doing this because it's an organized crime. But we're taught to think that a pedo is something different than it really is. It's somebody who's out of the norm when in reality it's usually somebody, you know, somebody close to you, a family member, a coach, a relative. And a lot of them are upper middle class white men.

[A]

Right.

[B]

As opposed to what we're told, you.

[A]

Know, and they have the power to cover it up.

[B]

It's an organized crime. That's what it is. It's. They have it down to such a method that they've been doing it for years and over and over and over again that they're not worried about getting caught. They're actually so lazy with it that they do it right behind your. Right in front of you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is so important is they do it right in front of you because they've been doing it for so long. They're so cocky. And also the houses around where this is going on in the woods are part of it. So they don't need to worry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They are lazy with the work they do. And if it took just a little bit of investigation, it would be found. You know, we've done investigating ourselves, but then it's how safe are we?

[A]

And I think like you said too, it's about finding the right person or people that are going to have your back and follow it all the way through to seek, you know, the justice and right and wrong and. But it's almost like you wonder also if they're not doing that because it's so many people involved that they're like, how many people are they going to take down in the process or can they take down.

[B]

Yeah, it could go to the right person, but they might have higher up people that are shutting down.

[A]

Right. And that's the thing too. It's like you don't know how high up these people are and how far up that power goes. Because it's like these are not just your, you know, like typical, I guess you could say, like weirdos in the middle of the woods that are just like doing.

[B]

Hanging out.

[A]

Yeah. And doing these things that, you know, you drive by and you're like, that's weird. Like it's, it's so much bigger than that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that's where the problems are.

[B]

That is where the problem is. And it's hard to fathom that this is happening right behind our backs and fight it. Which is where we've run into a lot of roadblocks and dead ends. But we're going to keep fighting and keep going. And it's also hard to find a team that you can trust of therapist, psychiatrist, anything really?

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's also difficult on. Another sentence is, I don't have a father figure. I've never had one. That itself is awful. It's not like I can be like, oh, yeah, my father. I don't have one, unfortunately. No, he's there. He's present. I mean, there's no good way to not have a father. No matter what it is. It's gonna be awful. But he's still alive and he's doing things, but he's not there for me, and he never has been there for me. He would just buy us food, like, unhealthy food. That's the only thing that we got as a reward was, okay, you could have unhealthy food. That's it.

[A]

So since you've come out about everything, the only thing that he has said to you is just the denial over the text.

[B]

Yes, denial.

[A]

Has he threatened you again?

[B]

No, he's very smart. So he knows if he threatened me over text, it would look awful. No threats that he said. But he threatens to take Jupiter.

[A]

Right. Because that's like the main. Like that last power.

[B]

It's the last power thing. Which is almost over, luckily, but that's. It really is the. He has power. And we're just waiting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And hoping that everything happens and Jay's safe.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I've never really spoken actually about my abuse besides to my close friends. And even then when it goes comes to my close friends. Is this a really difficult matter? It's absolutely. I don't want to tell you all my. My friends about this awful stuff. I'm telling people this so that they can learn and be aware and to help others. That's why I want to speak. Speak forward.

[A]

And, you know, it. It spreads awareness and it's educational. And, you know, I say this all the time, and like you said, it's an uncomfortable topic because people don't want to believe it's actually happening. But it's something that is very real and should be spoken about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it. If it's not spoken about, it's never going to be stopped.

[B]

It's torn my family apart. Like, my whole dad's side of the family has left us. I don't have any relationship with them. I had to grieve that loss of. I was super close with them. And then coming forward about this, they just. Just any abuse. We didn't go into the cult matters. They didn't want to listen or hear anything. So we lost a lot of. A lot of our friends and people. But we have a Good team behind us now. I've been silenced. They keep trying to silence me and not letting me have a voice. They've been threatening me. That's what they do. Threaten is don't speak. We're gonna ruin your reputation or things. One other thing I just wanted to say. I don't know why it just stuck out to me. When I was a kid going through all this abuse. I was in around seventh grade sale camp over summer. My cousin was staying over. I was really upset at my dad, you know, with everything going on in the abuse. I went down to my mother's room and I spoke to her about it. And I was not about the abuse. I was just like, I hate my dad. And she's like, well, why don't we bring him in here and we can all talk together because I want to help this relationship with your father. And I was like, okay, fine, you know, I don't want. Nothing's gonna be solved. And I'm sitting there bawling my eyes out and I'm like, I hate you, dad. And he's like, well, why do you hate me? He's a narcissist. Why do you hate me, huh? Say it. Because he knew I couldn't say anything about what was going on in that moment to my mom. And I just sat there crying, hysterical, saying, I don't know. Because if I said it, I would have been. I don't know what would have happened.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And that just goes to show you how much of a narcissist and planned out psychopath he is. He's not just.

[A]

And the confidence he had, it would.

[B]

Just be like teasing us, right? Okay, so why do you hate me? And there'd be multiple times like that of what's happening. I've had friends tell me, oh, I never liked your dad. I'm like, really? They're like, no. You would call me crying, saying you were scared of him, or he would be cursing at you at a really young age, screaming, threatening you. And I'm like, those things I don't have even recollection of. There's certain times in my life I don't have any recollection of it because it was so traumatic and it happened for so long. And my friends would tell me this is what happened, and I'm like, oh, wow, I didn't even know that.

[A]

And do you think those are just memories that you blasted?

[B]

Those are suppressed memories for sure.

[A]

And there's probably so many of those that you have that you can't even.

[B]

A lot of them. I have bad dreams, which is a really severe issue, is I have a lot of ptsd, and they come out in dreams because during the day I have to focus. I try and focus, and at night it comes pouring out. And then I'm supposed to be sleeping and resting and rejuvenating and trying to heal and take a break from this all. And it's not. I can't take a break.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not ending. It's just when can I just rest and close my eyes without having to?

[A]

Right. And it's like when you have these negative dreams, it. I always say bad dreams or, you know, anxiety dreams, they set the tone for the day. So it's like you're constantly waking up with this fear and this reminder of just living through the worst times of your life.

[B]

And if I go through a flashback in my dream, I wake up in a flashback. Like, I wake up and I'm like. My body feels numb. My eyes go. My pupils go huge, and I'm just like, what do I do? And the only thing that really can get me out of it is just trying to. I have a heating pad to make me feel like, okay, I'm in the moment. And then we have animals, because animals are just the best. And my mom will get the animals and be like, here, look, the dog's here. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. And I'm, like, speechless. Like, what's going on? Like, it looks like I just witnessed a murder. Like, I'm just. That's. I look horrified because.

[A]

Because you are.

[B]

I am. And that's what was going on in my dreams. And then I have to ground myself, which I do do a good job of doing, but at the end of the day, it's still difficult.

[A]

And how is your mom doing? Is she okay?

[B]

She's okay. I think it's difficult because as a parent, the one thing you want to do is protect your kids. So to have something go on for so many years and not have helped them or been able to protect them, I think it's probably very difficult for her. She works a 9 to 5 as a dog walker. She's busy lady. She deals with all three of us having flashbacks. She takes care of us all. We need a little bit of extra care. Unfortunately, because of what we've gone through, we're healing, so she has to be there for us along with working. And it's. It's difficult and also being silenced.

[A]

Do you guys talk to her about everything that has happened?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Often. Okay.

[B]

I do personally, and I do believe both my siblings do as well. Yeah. We both open up to her because we were. Weren't able to for so long, and we were so scared and.

[A]

And she was a victim as well.

[B]

She was. She really was. Since she was young, since she was 19, she was put into this false reality. Is what I'd call it, is we lived in this false reality of a life as no harm goes on, nothing wrong goes on, because my dad was telling her that since she was young, she lived in a decent house, a good household growing up, good parents, a very nice neighborhood, so she didn't know any better. So we lived in this false reality of nothing bad goes on except what's going on with my dad. And he's also kind of in control of what else is going on because he's watching us all the time. He knows people in trafficking. He knows what's going on. So I'm probably not gonna be kidnapped because he's gonna know the kidnapper.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So we lived in a false reality, and my mom finally realized, wow, like, I was manipulated.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Without it being physically abused. It's still a lot went on for.

[A]

Her, which is important also for people too hear and understand. Because I think that it's so easy for people to look from the outside in and make assumptions or judgments, but you never know what someone is going through. You know, whether it is the wife or the husband or the kids. No one ever knows. So, you know, you can't judge unless you're in it, you know and know. Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And even then, it's like you don't know the manipulation that she went through or what she was told or anything in between. And, you know, everyone is brought up differently. Everyone has different, you know, awareness and things like that. There's some people that maybe just who they are. They're very analytical, and they notice everything and they see things and they're. They're on it, you know, and then other people, if they're living in this world where they truly believe it's all sunshine and rainbows and they love the person they're with, why would they think anything differently?

[B]

She's not an anxious person. She was, I think, her first boyfriend. She just didn't know any differently. Yeah, and she didn't know. She just simply.

[A]

Did she have you guys at. Or your older sibling at 19?

[B]

No, she had her. That's just when they started, like 27, 30. Okay. Older.

[A]

But that's when they got together. Okay, got it.

[B]

So she just didn't know any differently. And she didn't know that all these things that were going on were just wrong. Like, this isn't what should be said.

[A]

So her parents around?

[B]

Her parents are around. They actually help us a lot out financially and just emotionally. My grandma is one of my closest people, which I'm super grateful and thankful for. They've been super supportive. At first, we were really worried about what they were gonna think, what they were gonna say, who they were gonna listen to, but they've been absolutely amazing to. Through it all.

[A]

And then her parents, are they in the same area as well?

[B]

In Darien, Connecticut. So they live.

[A]

Okay. So they didn't have any connection with, like.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They didn't. They just.

[A]

But your dad's parents did.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They just live locally that we can visit them and.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

They come over to help us out. My grandma, just when we're going through a lot, she comes over, helps clean the house.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

She does a lot. So, yeah, we're really thankful and grateful to have them in our life.

[A]

And like you said, you know, as long it doesn't really matter about the number of people that you have supporting you, it just the quality of it and the fact that you have people in your circle that are listening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And believing what you say. Because I can only imagine how. And I'm sure there's many other people that would feel this. How horrible it is to go through something and then have the courage to speak out about it and just be told that either it's a lie or that it just. Yeah. Have it shut down or be silenced. It's like, it's so defeating.

[B]

That's why I want to use my voice while I can, because I don't know if they're going to try and shut me down. And once it gets out there and people see it, it's out there, you know? And now then people will know. And I could be silenced. But the media has a role. Like, they're not corrupt. They believe what they want to believe. You know, there's a lot of hate out there on media, but they can play a pivotal role in how things go down. Because if the media overrides something, what are they gonna do?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or if they care about it more. Right.

[A]

And if they don't suck. Because sometimes it's like, if they don't shut up, it's like, okay, we have no choice.

[B]

Oh, now we have to go into this like, oh, we were gonna dismiss that matter, but. But now we can't Dismiss it. Because not only is she coming with us with evidence, Courtney and her mother, but now the world knows about it. People know about it, and it's out there forever. And the only thing my dad cares about is his reputation of being the chief of police and not getting in trouble from the cult or killed from them by having his kids speak out. That's all he cares about. He doesn't care about money. He doesn't care about his kids. The only thing he cares about is his reputation to the public. So for him, more than money, more than a lawsuit, is just dragging his name through the dirt. And I wish I could love my father, but I'll drag his name through the dirt because he deserves it. He's a monster. And so. So is everybody else, unfortunately, that was involved.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Some more than others. Some people had better intentions and just got stuck in, brought into it. But he himself is truly a monster.

[A]

Well, you seriously did incredible, so you should be proud of yourself. I know it's not, you know, it's definitely not an easy thing, recounting those parts of your life. Your life. And especially, you know, being so young and being in so many situations where you were probably so scared. You know, it's like, yeah, you're older now, and you talk about it, but it's almost like that young child is still in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, even if you're able to heal from something, it's still there. It still hurts. It still happens.

[B]

It does.

[A]

And, yeah. I mean, I'm so grateful that you came on here, really.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

It means the world. Like, I just want justice for my inner child.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It comes out. And that's where I get the most emotional is like, my inner child just wants justice.

[A]

Yeah. You're fighting.

[B]

And to be able to be able to speak and come forward and say what happened, because for all those years, I wasn't able to speak. So it brings a lot of healing and joy to know that I have my voice.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You are in full control of it, and you always should be. And you should be so proud of yourself. Like I said, I can't thank you enough. And you did so good. You should be so proud of yourself.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Of course.