My Boyfriend Trafficked Me

Summary

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"We're All Insane" | Episode: My Boyfriend Trafficked Me

Host: Devorah Roloff
Guest: Emily
Date: March 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally raw episode, host Devorah Roloff sits with Emily, who shares her harrowing, first-person account of being trafficked by a boyfriend she once trusted. With no interruptions and in her own words, Emily guides listeners through the complex interplay of childhood trauma, vulnerability, manipulation, and survival, ultimately showing how easy it is for someone to fall into—and fight to escape—a world of trafficking and abuse.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Trauma and Vulnerability

• Emily’s early life (01:09): Grew up in Washington state. Her parents divorced after her mother left Emily's abusive, alcoholic father.
• Emily grew up in Texas, lacking positive male role models, which left her anxious, deeply attached to her mom, and struggling with self-esteem.
• First learned about coping mechanisms in therapy around age 10–12:

  “Smiling was my coping mechanism. And I found that out the first time I went to a therapist.” (01:31 – Emily)

2. Introduction to the Club World

• After graduating high school early due to crippling anxiety, Emily entered esthetician school, but soon became attracted to the strip club scene, influenced by social media glamorization.

  “There were girls on [TikTok] glorifying the strip club industry… I was desperate for fatherly attention.” (03:41 – Emily)

• Emily’s initial experiences dancing felt empowering at first, but quickly changed with time and new legal age restrictions in Texas.
• Started feeling the club life wasn’t a true fit, but kept returning for the income.

3. Grooming & Relationship with a Pimp

• Meeting her trafficker: Met through a mutual acquaintance at the club. (08:08)

• Describes the manipulative tactics he used to prey on her vulnerabilities, e.g., exploiting her need for validation (“You’re one of a kind, you have so much potential.”)

• Emotional manipulation created a false sense of love and security:

  “He was a really good talker… knew exactly what to say to trigger my daddy issues.” (09:07 – Emily)

• She moved in with him, and he began orchestrating a dependence on him—emotionally and financially (having her bring back her club earnings).

4. Descent into Trafficking and Abuse

• Emily’s boyfriend coerced her into giving him all of her earnings, ostensibly to “build her up,” but actually fueled by his gambling addiction (12:09–12:37).
• “He was using all of it to, like, gamble. He was terrible with money.” (12:26 – Emily)
• Sets up a power dynamic with another girl ("G") already working for him, encouraging Emily to see herself as 'special' while concurrently pushing her further into "the life”—eventually onto the streets, “the blade.”
• Emotional and physical abuse escalates—including public humiliation, being attacked in a car, and sexual coercion after violence:

  “He pulls me by my hair… and he just starts whamming me in my head... My body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. And I froze.” (17:01 – Emily)

• Introduction and normalization of drug use (perks, hydros) as a coping mechanism after abuse (24:02+).

5. Life in Trafficking: Street Work, Control & Fear

• Emily describes being forced to set up escort ads, do street work, and surrender all earnings (27:16–29:13).
• Details the hierarchy and violence among the women, the constant threat of police, and the psychological price of affection being weaponized.
• “He started withdrawing his affection, and that left me just wanting it even more and thinking, okay, when is he going to start being nice to me again?” (33:22 – Emily)
• Abuse of all the girls, including G—ranging from beatings to humiliations (hot sauce packets dumped in hair).

6. Attempts to Escape & Repeated Cycles

• Multiple attempts to escape; details how leaving requires secrecy (“If you ever want to leave, you have to sneak away.” – 35:28)
• At one point, Emily is savagely beaten by other girls acting as proxies for her trafficker when she tries to escape (37:01+).
• Stripped of belongings, access to help, left alone in a strange city; ultimately rescued by her mother.
• Repeated returns to the trafficker due to emotional manipulation—each time met with escalated violence:

  “He had never beaten me up this bad. I couldn’t hear out of my left ear for a couple months… my ribs were bruised.” (42:35 – Emily)

7. Final Escape and Emotional Aftermath

• Describes her final escape by outmaneuvering her trafficker during a forced drive, discarding the tracking methods and seeking help from strangers (63:43–69:50).

• The complicity of bystanders—her use of the universal distress hand signal goes unnoticed:

  “I'm trying to make eye contact with people, trying to show on my face, something's not right here. Nobody gives a f---. Everybody's in their own world.” (63:43+ – Emily)

• The psychological toll remains—panic, fear, and hypervigilance even months after leaving:

  “For nine months after I, like, officially left for the last time, I was terrified on a daily basis. I was still in survival mode.” (75:57 – Emily)

8. Healing, Growth, & Advocacy

• Practicing self-awareness and recognizing (and filling) her own voids, rather than seeking external validation.

• Regular therapy crucial to recovery. Host and guest discuss the importance of having the right therapist and reframing trauma:

  “If there's a void, I am now able to recognize where it's coming from... And I'm not doing it anymore. The amount of growth I've experienced from that situation—I’m attracting better people.” (86:03 – Emily)

• Now pursuing authenticity through sharing her story on YouTube and considers writing a book to help and educate others about the realities of trafficking, beyond stereotypes.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On grooming and realization:
  “I didn't know at the time that you don't need to listen to what a man says. You need to listen to what he's showing you. I had to learn that the hard way.” (11:20 – Emily)

• On cycles of trauma and returning:
  “Something that kept me in this dynamic was the love that he did give me. And then he would keep taking it away. I would keep searching for…Maybe sometime the abuse will stop. I had to learn it on my own.” (27:17 – Emily)

• On the normalization of violence:
  “She was used to it. That was normal. And I remember thinking, why is she not sticking up for me? Like, you're a girl. … You can't just treat people like that, right?” (20:14 – Emily)

• On the dangers of street work:
  “It’s terrifying. It's so easy to be kidnapped or killed or raped. There are so many stories about that happening out there… He obviously doesn’t care about me.” (17:33 – Emily)

• Gaslighting after abuse:
  “He's like, what's wrong? Like, he acted like nothing happened…Just like, totally gaslighting you. It made me feel kind of crazy.” (24:10 – Emily)

• On help and bystander inaction:
  “I'm doing that [distress signal] behind my back, hoping somebody sees and notices… Nobody gives a f---. Everybody's in their own world.” (63:43 – Emily)

• On trauma’s effect on identity:
  “You should never identify with things that have happened in your past. Those are just stepping stones… But they help you in your growth and your journey.” (89:27 – Da Vorah)

• On what trafficking actually looks like:
  “If you want to call it what it actually is, trafficking, it looks so different than what you think…It can look like meeting a guy in a club or meeting a guy at a bar… And that’s it.” (83:17 – Emily)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Emily’s Childhood and Early Trauma: 01:09–06:09
• First Experiences Dancing/Club Scene: 06:09–08:07
• Meeting the Boyfriend/Trafficker: 08:08–12:05
• Financial & Emotional Control Begins: 12:09–15:59
• Escalation of Abuse & First Physical Attack: 15:59–20:13
• Drug Use as Coping Mechanism: 24:02–27:16
• Street Work and the Life: 27:17–33:22
• Violence Against Other Girls, The Blade: 33:22–35:28
• Cycle of Escape/Return & Betrayal by Other Victims: 37:01–42:07
• Worst Physical Abuse, Hospitalization: 42:35–46:40
• How the Exit Finally Happened: 63:43–69:50
• Aftermath, Healing, and Advocacy: 73:40–87:29

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Tone & Language

The tone is raw, candid, and deeply vulnerable, offering insight into both the mechanics of trafficking and the tangled psychological chains that bind its victims. Emily speaks openly about her shame, the ways she was manipulated, and her slow road to healing—providing a voice for survivors and a powerful warning to anyone who thinks, “That would never happen to me.”

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a brutally honest, essential listen for anyone who wants to understand how trafficking can happen in plain sight, the complexity of escape, and the hope found in survival and self-reconstruction. Emily’s story is as much about what traps young women as it is about the courage required to break free—and how vital compassionate support is in every phase of the journey.

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Emily can be found sharing more on her YouTube channel. For those in a similar situation or looking for support or information, Devorah encourages reaching out through the podcast’s contact links.

Transcript

[Da Vorah]

Hi guys, it's me, Da Vorah. I am so excited to finally share this with you all. I've officially launched a new subscription channel called We're All Insane plus where inside you will get access to never before heard bonus episodes. All podcast episodes completely commercial free. And my brand new show We're All Healing where I sit down with experts, therapists, authors and healers to talk about how we actually process pain, reconnect with our true selves and rebuild after trauma. You can subscribe to We're All Insane plus in app on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or you can head over to we're allinsane.com to learn more. Score more with the college branded Venmo Debit Card and earn up to 5% cash back with Venmo Stash Got paid back with the Venmo Debit card. You can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want like game day, snacks, gear, tickets and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus there's no monthly fee or minimum balance. Sign up [e-mail] collegecard the Venmo Mastercard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA Select Schools available Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo me terms max $100 cash back per month planning a

[Emily]

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[Da Vorah]

It's literally. Literally what I was saying in my head.

[Emily]

Yeah. And I was 19. I did not need to be in there. I had no knowledge. I had no game. I was just in there having fun and drinking. I didn't know how to work the club. And of course, nobody told me, because you can't just. People don't really just give that information out.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

It's like, you come in here, you fend for yourself. You figure it out. And So I turned 20, and then in. So I started dancing in January. I turned 20 in April. And then in May, Texas changed the age laws, so you had to be 21. So I'm like, I don't want to go back to working a regular job after. I can make money like this. It. I don't want to do that. I was 20. So a couple months go by, I start using my esthetician license again. I was waxing. And so the next year, I'm, like, preparing. Okay, I want to go back to the strip club. I'm buying outfits, more heels. I bought a pole because I wanted to learn how to do pole tricks when I got back. And so I get back to the club, and my first day there, I just. I walk in, and I'm like. I just. It feels not the same. And my body was telling me, this is. No, this is not a match for you anymore. That year, I. I did so much growing, you know? And so when I got back to the club, though, I didn't say, okay, no, I don't want to do this anymore. I just stuck it out because I felt like, well, I'd rather be doing this and miserable than not make a lot of money and be waxing because my priorities were fucked up. I was, yeah, 21. So, like, a year goes by. I have very bad attachment issues. I meet this man at this club. This girl comes up to me, was

[Da Vorah]

this at the strip club or different?

[Emily]

This was at the strip club. This girl says, hey, I want you to come meet somebody. And that is where my life was about to take a huge turn. And I had no idea. So she brings me up to this guy. She's like, this is so. And so I'm like, Hi. And he doesn't get up, doesn't, you know, say, come, get up, come have a seat. He just kind of sits there and was, you know, just not like a, not a gentleman by any means. And so I'm talking to him. We exchange information. That was it. Well, how much time went by? I think you. Maybe a, maybe a year. Almost a year. He's in my Instagram dms and he had just got out of jail and he was, he's a really good talker. He knew everything to say to like, make me, like, to trigger my daddy issues. You're so different. You're one of a kind. Like, you have so much potential. Just shit that a pimp would say. And I didn't, I knew he was a pimp, but I didn't know what that really meant until I was with him. So he started bringing me around him. He would take me out, I would, would go get drinks. We would just spend time together and he, you know, we would do adult things that it would make a woman, you know, catch feelings. And he, he was really good at making me feel super, super special. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you. Like, did you start to fall for him? Would you say, okay, you know, that time in my life, I subconsciously, I just wanted a man to like, come in and rescue me and take care of me, sweep me off my feet, make all my problems go away. I was living with my mom. I didn't want to live there. We didn't have the best relationship at the time. We do now. We're like this now. But it was all just because of me and my deep rooted problems. And he says, I want you to move in with me. And that was like this man, you know, he, wow, he likes me. He wants me to move in with him and take care of you. Yeah. And that's kind of what he promised. And so I move in and then he starts to say, like, I think we could make some money together. You know, there's ways we can do this and that. And when I hear that, I'm thinking, there's something we can do where I can make money and he can make money. That's great, because I don't want to. I really don't want to dance anymore. And so he doesn't really tell me what it was, but he says, you need to, like, go back to work and like, bring me back, you know, the money. And I'm thinking to myself, I was so naive, I'll try anything once and if I don't like it. I can stop. And that's where I up. Because when I came around this man, I, like, intuitively felt, no, you have no business being here. You need to go back home. But I didn't listen because that need for, wow, he's taking care of me, like, this is amazing. I feel so cared about and loved it. Overpowered, you know, so. So I start dancing, and I'm following his plan, and, you know, he starts telling me he loves me and he needs me. And I genuinely believed it. He was really good at talking, but I didn't know at the time that you don't need to listen to what a man says. You need to listen to what he's showing you. And I had to learn that the hard way. So what was this plan that he

[Da Vorah]

was having you do? You were going to the strip club and dancing and then what?

[Emily]

Bringing back the money. And he was going to help me build my Instagram following. Okay. Just kind of upgrade my life. But you were giving him your money that you were making. Yeah. And what was he doing with it?

[Da Vorah]

You don't know?

[Emily]

So I didn't know this for a while, but he was using all of it to, like, gamble. He was terrible with money.

[Da Vorah]

But he was telling you that he was using it to help build your.

[Emily]

Yeah, to build me. And he. This man had. I. I'd never seen anybody have such a bad gambling issue. You know, like prize picks and all this gambling online. It was bad. And he, you know, we would go to the casino and he would lose all his money. And then, you know, I would think to myself, I just gave that to you. And you just did. You lost it in five minutes. And I had to go do this for that. Like, it. It blew my mind. And I. You know, resentment started to build. I think I skipped ahead a little bit. Oh, you're fine. Okay. So he eventually brought around this girl. I don't want to say her name. Let's just call her G. I felt a lot of myself in her. We just clicked. You know, you meet people where you're at, and we both had more of a spiritual insight to life. We bonded. We. We were always laughing. We were so goofy together. She was such a light in this world. And she was one of the girls who would go stand on a street in heels and lingerie and, you know, cars would come and pick her up, and then they'd handle their business, and she'd go back to the Blade, and we have a. We have a Blade in Dallas. And so he was Telling me, yeah, I'm gonna bring this girl around. This is what she does. And I'm like, what? Like, that's crazy. She. He was saying, you know, she's in a bad situation, and, you know, she's gonna say certain things. So when she says certain things, I don't want you to freak out. And I'm like, what do you mean? He was like, she's gonna call me daddy and like that. And I'm like, why? Like, I had no idea what that dynamic looked like until he, you know, brought me into that lifestyle. So she would go stand on the street, and I would go to the club, and, you know, she would. We would be done at the end of the night, and we would get in the car with him, and she'd be like, how much money did you make? And I would tell her, oh, like, four or five hundred dollars. And he would look at me like, don't say that. Like, he wanted me to make it seem like I was making at least a thousand, a couple thousand, because he was turning me out at this point, and she was basically helping him turn me out. He wanted her to rub off on me. And, you know, eventually we ended up going to New Orleans. So I'm at the club. She's on the street. We're all staying in an Airbnb, and we go out to this strip club in Dallas. And we're in the club, and I'm sitting down. G is sitting down, and he, like, lays across her and is being, like, super affectionate. And he's staring. Marrying me in my eyes, just, like. With this look in his face, like, what are you gonna do in your mind? You guys were exclusive, right? That's what I thought.

[Da Vorah]

Okay.

[Emily]

But, you know, I was. I was very wrong. I just didn't know what the I got myself into. And so I'm looking at him like, the are you doing. Why are you trying to get a rise out of me? So I go to the restroom, and I come back, and he's pissed because I'm not looking at him. I'm just like, okay, you want to do fine? And I was sitting there talking to one of the dancers, and we were just having a good time. And he gets up and, like, he pulls me up by my hair, and I'm like, whoa. And the dancer, she was like, get. Like, get off of her. What. What is your problem? And he was. I don't remember what he was saying, but he was pissed that I felt some type of way. And G saw that I felt some type of way. And he didn't like that she saw that because she has been in that lifestyle, so she knows that is normal shit. I didn't know that.

[Da Vorah]

And when she was working the streets, how much was she making in a night?

[Emily]

She could make a thousand, twelve hundred fifteen. So he wanted you to say that you're making more.

[Da Vorah]

Why?

[Emily]

Because he knew that she would want to make more. Okay. Yeah. And. And also, I think it was because he didn't want me working in the club and she be on the street. Like, she. I think, like, did he eventually want

[Da Vorah]

you to work the streets too? Yes.

[Emily]

Okay. And that's like the lowest level way you can do that. And it's terrifying. Like, it's so easy to be kidnapped or killed or raped. There's so many stories about, like, that happening out there. And then at that point, it shows you. Okay.

[Da Vorah]

He obviously doesn't care about me.

[Emily]

Yeah. And so we're. He. Okay, so we're at the club and he says it's time to go. Like, we need to go. And, like, he's holding me by my hair. We're walking out, and the dancer, she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Like, because I didn't know what the was about to happen. And we get in the car, he's driving. G is in the passenger seat, and I'm sitting right behind her. And we're driving. He's yelling at me. And I'm not understanding. Why is he so mad? He was just, you know, being weird, trying to get a rise out of me, trying to see how am I going to react to this. And he reaches back and he pulls me by my hair and he pulls me across the. The center console, and he just starts, like, whamming me in my head. And a man had never put his hands on me before, so I'm just like. That's when my body goes into fight flight or freeze. And I froze. I had no idea what to do. And I. My. I just dissociated. And then I just was like, in survival mode at that point. And so, like, the whole way there, I'm across the center console and he's just. We get back to the Airbnb, I'm thinking, okay, this man does not want me here. So I'm in our. The room we were. Him and I were sleeping in, and G was in her room. And I grab my keys in my suitcase. He pushes me on the bed, he throws my keys on the ground. And this man made love to me. Like he had never had. Like it was so messed up. I he. Like I'm thinking to myself, what the is happening right now? You just beat me up and now you're doing this.

[Da Vorah]

I have a quick question.

[Emily]

Yes.

[Da Vorah]

When he was beating you up in the car, was G saying anything?

[Emily]

Nothing.

[Da Vorah]

Because she was used to it.

[Emily]

Yeah. Okay. That was normal. And I remember thinking, why is she not sticking up for me? Like, you're a girl. I would have done the same. I would have.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

I would have said something. You can't. No, you don't. You can't just treat people like that. Right?

[Jim Clementi]

Hi, I'm Jim Clementi, retired FBI profiler.

[Da Vorah]

And I'm Kathy Canningmello, retired FBI profiler.

[Jim Clementi]

And we are the co hosts of Real Crime Profile. Kathy and I worked together profiling cases for the FBI for more than a decade.

[Da Vorah]

Yes. And if you're looking for insightful and informed deep analysis of open and closed crimes, you've come to the right, right place.

[Jim Clementi]

Yeah, we don't just do the skim over like they do on the news. So please listen to Real Crime Profile anywhere. You listen to podcasts and on identify the app. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Da Vorah]

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[Jim Clementi]

New habitats.

[Emily]

Zootopia has a secret reptile population.

[Jim Clementi]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG. Right now you can get Disney plus and Hulu for just 4.99amonth for three months with a special limited time offer. Ends March 24. After three months, Plan Auto renews at 1299amonth. Terms apply.

[Da Vorah]

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[Emily]

Yeah. And then we go to sleep.

[Da Vorah]

So you end up staying.

[Emily]

Well, I'll. We'll. So we wake up, we're laying in bed, and I start crying.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

And he's like, what's wrong? Like, he acted like nothing happened the night prior. And I'm like, how did you put your hands on me? And then you do that. And he was like, what are you even talking about? Just, like, totally gaslighting you. Yeah. And it made me feel kind of crazy. And I'm like, you know what? I just. I'm gonna go home to my mom's. And I just want to think a little bit. That was the biggest mistake I could have made telling him that. He jumped up and was like, you want to leave me? You're not loyal. This only happened because you acted this way, like, just making me think, okay, this is my fault. Yeah. And he. My suitcase, it was heavy as he threw it at me, like, from across the room. And he had this cup of, like, soda, dumped it on my head. I had this Dr. Ronald Bronner's bottle of soap. He was, like, squirting it in my hair. I'm like, what the. Like, this is insane behavior. Like, this is. This person is not okay. And he's, like, hitting me, punching me, just talking so much. And I get in the shower. I'm like, I have my clothes on. I'm in the shower trying to. Because I can't see because the soap was in my eyes. And I get out, and he's, like, on the bed crying, I just don't want you to leave me. Just. He made himself seem so vulnerable if I was to leave. And that, like, that tugged at my heartstrings, like, okay, this man really needs me triggered it. Kind of tugged at my daddy issues. And so I stayed. And my. I think my. My eyelid was bruised a little bit, and my head was pounding because he had this watch, and, like, it would hit my head, and it, like, over and over again. It. It was so painful. And so this is when he introduced me to perks and hydros and that. Like, he. You know, after he would beat me up, he would, like, love bomb me. He would sell me so much affection, tell me he loves me, you know, give me drugs. And these drugs would make me feel so numb to what was going on. So I became like, okay, I need one every day. Yeah. So at a certain point, I would start taking them every day. And, you know, after. After all that happened, we go to New Orleans, him, G, and me and this other girl who ended up leaving in the middle of the night. And was G. Taking drugs as well? Yeah. Okay. She was. You know, I. I learned in that lifestyle, how do you not. You have to cope.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Especially if you're giving all your money to somebody. Especially if you don't even want to be doing that. Yeah. Which I didn't. I didn't want to be doing that, but I felt like I had no choice. So on our way to New Orleans, we're driving. He has G setting up ads on her phone, and he had me doing the same thing. And I'm not really knowing what I'm like, what this is for. He just tells me to do it, and I'm not supposed to ask any questions. And if you ask questions, you're a stupid bitch. You're X, Y, and Z. He just, like, will treat you like dog shit. Like, you are nothing. And so something that kept me in this dynamic was the love that he did give me. I. And then he would keep taking it away. I would keep searching for, okay, well, it was good. Yeah, maybe it'll be good again. You know, maybe sometime the abuse will stop. And, you know, I had to. You could have told me that, but I had to learn it on my own. And so we get to New Orleans, we get to our Airbnb, and, you know, my. My line is now blowing up. So many people are messaging me because they want to see me, and I'm, like, laughing, and this is so crazy, and not taking it seriously. And so one trick comes through, and I do my date, and I made, like, $500, I think, in, like, five minutes.

[Da Vorah]

So he was having you guys set up things on your phone to meet up with other men in New Orleans, and then when you made that 500, he was then taking that full amount. Okay. Did you guys ever try to, like, say anything?

[Emily]

No, because that's.

[Da Vorah]

That was just how it was set up.

[Emily]

That's normal. That's what that usually looks like. Okay. And so, you know, there would be times down the line where I would hold on to it.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

And he wouldn't want it from me, or he was having other girls send me money, like I was his banker or some. It also kind of made me feel like, oh, I'm special.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Like, almost his bottom. And.

[Da Vorah]

And what did the dates look like usually? Like, they were quick. Like, were they just, like. Okay, was it more like escort kind of thing? Okay.

[Emily]

Yeah. So, you know, we leave New Orleans, we come back to Dallas, and now that he turned me out, he. In his mind, I guess he was thinking, I'm gonna have her on the street with G on the blade. And so he puts me. What street is it? I can't even remember right now, but it was in front of this hotel. And, you know, he has me standing outside. He's sitting in the parking lot watching me, and he was like, okay, well, I need you to do this. And then, you know, this is what you need to say. And I'm, like, so confused. Like, I really have no idea. I don't know what I'm doing. You just put me out here and are having me figure it out. You're not coaching me. And so I find a trick, and, you know, we agree on a price. And I'm, like, thinking the whole time, fudge. I, like, really don't want to be doing this. This is just not. It just does not Feel right. It's not me.

[Da Vorah]

Scary, too.

[Emily]

It is scary because especially I'd only done this one other time, right? And so they pull up and you

[Da Vorah]

guys figure out a price before you even go with them, right?

[Emily]

Okay. And then it's usually always the same. Okay. And I. I had a room in that hotel. So we go up there and he's big and tall. And that was, you know, for me, somebody who has only done this one time that. That was intimidating as. And we get in there and he was so, just like, rough and aggressive. And I was terrified because I didn't know how to, like, stop that. Like, cut it out. Like, this is how this is supposed to go. And so he just kind of. It was a really uncomfortable experience. And, you know, we're done. He leaves. I come out and I'm crying because I'm just so, like, felt so taken advantage of, and I felt like I had no power. And I get in the car with, you know, the guy that I was with, and he's, like, not understanding why I'm crying. And so he's, like, trying to be there for me. And I'm sorry. Like, it usually doesn't happen like that. And he puts on this song, and it, like, just made me feel even more sad because it was like a love song. Almost like the lyrics were talking about how always going to be there for you and just. Just like sweet, weird shit. And he's like, okay, well, you don't have to do it anymore for the rest of the night. I'm like, thank fucking God. And then from that point on, you know, he would have me either, you know, working my ads or on the blade, and I, like, did not want to be doing any of that shit. And I would tell him, and he, you know, would come back at me and say, oh, you're giving me problems. You're giving me problems. And I know. I'm just trying to tell you, like, I don't want to be doing this. And, like, he did not care at this point. He started bringing more girls around, and they were all doing the same thing, you know, at the lowest level. And I.

[Da Vorah]

It.

[Emily]

I was just so uncomfortable. I was brought into this really up environment, and I was never home. I just. We were living out of these cheap, disgusting motels, and it was always sketchy. There was always police. It was just like a very toxic environment. And he started withdrawing his affection, and that left me just, like, wanting it even more and thinking, okay, well, when is he going to start being nice to me again? So around that time, that is when he started putting his hands on G. And I would see him. Like, she would have no eyelashes because of, like, how much he was hitting her in the face. And her eye would be red and purple and swollen. And this one time, he. He dumped, like, hot sauce packets in her hair. Like, he was just. It was disgusting. It was horrible. And I was scared to stick up for her because what if he's gonna do the same to me? And it was awful. And, you know, we would talk about, like, this is insane. Like, this should not be happening. And she was like, yeah, well, my last folks, he would do me worse. This is nothing compared to what I've experienced before. Like, he. She told me that one guy made her sit in an ice bath and, like, had a gun to her head like crazy. And she ended up leaving. We were both out on the blade, and she just left. She up and left with her car and never came back. She never came back.

[Da Vorah]

Now, how does that work? If you leave? Like, do. Would he try to find you or.

[Emily]

Yeah, just like, okay, you have to sneak away.

[Da Vorah]

Okay.

[Emily]

And that. That brings me back to after he put his hands on me for the first time. We were standing in the door of the Airbnb getting ready to come inside, and he looks at me and he says, if you ever want to leave, you have to sneak away. And in a very toxic way. That was like. It did something to me. I was like, wow. Like, I took it as. He really cares about me. He really loves.

[Da Vorah]

Right. Like, you had a security in a sense, because you were like, well, he's not gonna leave, so.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah. Like, that's always there if you wanted it.

[Emily]

Absolutely. And the same time I'm thinking, wow, that's really, really up. That's, like, not okay. G left. We go to. We drive to Tennessee, and we're there for a couple days. I start my period, and I'm just telling him, like, I'm giving him problems at this point because I keep telling him, I don't want to be doing this. I'm uncomfortable. Like, I would just rather not. And, you know, we end up going to New York after Tennessee. And in New York, he ends up leaving with one of the other girls and going back to Texas to buy a house. And me and two other girls are in New York with a car. So were you guys just traveling a

[Da Vorah]

lot to keep your options open and

[Emily]

just keep finding just to make more money? Okay. Yeah. And.

[Da Vorah]

And did he ever ask you about G or if you knew where she went?

[Emily]

No.

[Da Vorah]

Okay.

[Emily]

So that was just done with. Yeah. And so.

[Da Vorah]

So he went to buy a house.

[Emily]

The car that. The car that me and the other two girls were in, it ends up getting towed because you just don't need to drive to New York. I parked, and I think it was like a bus lane. And I had no idea. And so from this point on, we're like, so. And we were in the Lower east side of Manhattan. This is kind of where it gets really, really, really up. And I, I. They ended up leaving me there by myself. Like, install all my. So I had no way to get home. So from Manhattan, we are Ubering to Brooklyn because apparently there's a blade out there and I'm on my period. I'd never done this on my period before. So I'm calling him. Like, what do you want me to do? Can I just not. Can they just do it without me? And apparently that's not a thing. Like, you either stick a sponge up there, or this one girl, she. She taught me if you roll up like a baby wipe and stick it up there, it, like, helps stops you from bleeding. Like, money is needed that bad. That were doing this, it just blew my mind. And I was crying, and the other girls were like, yeah, no, this is crazy. Like, they were telling me how they wanted to leave, too. We get to the Airbnb him, and I get into it and he tells me, like, go. Go on back to Texas. I don't care what you do anymore. And I'm thinking, okay, you don't. You don't want me anymore. Say less. Like, I'm not going to stay where I am not wanted. And so I make a call to my guy friend who strictly just friends, always looked out for me, always been a brother to me. And he sends me, like, Like a Bible verse every day. And it always seems to resonate, like we both have a very direct line to God. And so I called him and I said, hey, this is the situation. Can you help me? And he was like, yeah, of course. Like, wow. Like, let's. Let me help you try to get you home. And so we're on the phone, and he's like, seconds away from hitting, you know, book flight. And I look up and both of the girls are, like, charging at me, and they look angry as. And they just start, like, beating the out of me. I had just gotten out of the shower. My hair was wet. I was in a bra and jeans, no shoes, nothing else. And they're, like, pulling me by my hair, just going in on me And I'm screaming and like, one of the girls, she was on the phone with him and I guess because he was trying to figure out if I was really going to leave or not. It was the test. And so she is at my purse. She grabs everything out of my purse. She has my phone, my driver's license, my debit cards. They grab my suitcase and they take off. They leave. I'm running down the street, like, trying to find somebody, like, I need help. And I've never even been in a fight before. And so I find this man and I say, can I please use your phone? He gives me his phone and he's just looking at me like, what the just happened to you? Like, my face is all red from them hitting me and me crying. And I call my mom and she tells me, you know, you need to call the police. And in that lifestyle, you don't do that because that makes you a snitch. That makes you a rat. What do you mean? If I'm in trouble and my life is in danger, I can't get help. I can't call for help. And so I go back to the Airbnb because it was in Brooklyn. It's like tears. The town homes are tears. And I knock on the door and for some reason they were still home. It was like eight, nine o' clock at night. And I tell them what happens and they let me stay there. This. This happened on a Friday. They let me stay there until Sunday. My mom had to drive up from New York to come get me because I couldn't fly because I didn't have anything with me and no clothes. And so the whole time I'm there, I'm just alone with my thoughts. And I didn't have any food. I had none of my hygiene products. I was in so much pain, I couldn't even sleep on my head. It hurt so bad. I couldn't move around. I was in excruciating pain. And my mom gets there. She's driving me back to Texas. It was like a two day trip. And she let me use her phone. So I was, you know, on Instagram, texting my friends, letting everybody know this is what happened.

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[Emily]

And he was messaging me on Instagram, like, I'm so sorry. I never should have left you there. Like, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you so much. I really need you. And I ended up falling for it. And I went back and. But in the meantime, when I was in Dallas, before I had went back to him, I was staying at my friend's. My guy friend's house, and I ended up going back with him, and he went through my phone, and he was pissed that he saw me staying with him, because I guess he thought he was a pimp. And he really wasn't. Like, he was extremely jealous. Like, that was disloyal to him. So we're laying in bed, he's going through my phone. There's another girl on the other side of him. And he, like, picks me up, throws me. He's like, he had never beaten me up this bad. I couldn't hear out of my left ear for a couple months. Like, it was. It was really muffled. My eye was purple. I had bruises all over my arm. My. My ribs were bruised because he kept punching me in my ribs. And for probably, like, three months, I had trouble breathing because the pain stayed for so long. And I'm just having so much trouble. Trouble processing what was happening to me. And the other girl, like, she was just watching, and I'm looking at her like, you're watching this man beat the dog out of me, and you're just letting this happen. And there's other girls in the house. There's probably six other girls in the house, and none of them are doing anything. I'm screaming, and how was nobody coming in here? But, you know, they were all used to that. It's called getting chopped. And the next morning, some of the girls that I was closer to, they came in and they just were like, wow, like, you look bad. And my eye was so swollen, like, I could hardly open it. And we were moving out of that house that he just bought because he just couldn't keep anything that he owned. His mom was even there helping us move. And he would be like, don't talk to my mom. Don't look at her. Just, like, go sit over here. Like, don't do anything. Like, keep yourself hidden. Because his family members were helping us move. And so I ended up going to the hospital because I was just in so much pain. And they were like, you know, what happened? Did. Did you, like. Did the police handle this? And I told them, yeah, like, yes, they did. When, you know, they most definitely didn't because I. They were never called and they gave me drugs and they. That was like the best hospital experience ever. They were so, like, caring and made sure I was safe and okay. Okay. So, you know, I'm still with him at this point. He would end up taking my car keys from me so I couldn't leave. I was. And I. He kept me always around him at this point, so he always had eyes on me. And he gave my car to one of his friends and he was driving my car, so I had no access to my car whatsoever. And he knew if he kept something away from me, like, I'm not going to be able to leave without my. Because I know I'm never going to get it back. And like, his friend just totally trashed my car. Like, he had other girls driving it. They just treated my car like a dump. It was, it was. It was awful.

[Da Vorah]

How many girls did he have working

[Emily]

for him at one time? At one time, I think the most was probably like 10.

[Da Vorah]

And do you think he was having

[Emily]

sex with all of them? I'm. I'm sure. Well, not all of them.

[Da Vorah]

Okay. Some were just like working for him and then others, he would.

[Emily]

Yeah, okay. And you know, the kind of. The way that I noticed it would work, if some of the girls weren't getting enough attention from him or there wasn't an established connection, they would leave. Okay. Because it seems like that's what everybody wanted in that life.

[Da Vorah]

Hi, guys. You can subscribe now to we're all insane. Plus for only 5.99amonth. And it includes ad free listening, bonus episodes of We're All Insane, guided meditations, exclusive access to my brand new show, We're All Healing. And first access to new merch drops and discounts on merch to get instant access to We're All Insane. Plus, you can subscribe inside of Apple, Spotify and YouTube or you can go to we're all insane dot com.

[Emily]

Eventually, everybody left. It was just me, him, and this other girl. Let's call her N. And you know, at this time, I would pray that God would give me an escape route. And every time I made this prayer, like, I would have a route, like within a couple hours. And I remember one morning, it was super early, like maybe 6am he lets me know that N got my car towed and she got arrested. And I'm thinking, okay, if I just grab my stuff and Uber to my mom's, I can just go get my car out of the tow. Yard, and I'll have all my. And so I'm like, okay. So I just told him, like, I'm gonna go to sleep or whatever. And I have all my. I'm standing at the door, like, getting ready to leave, and I'm terrified. Like, my body's shaking him. What if he finds me? What if he sees me? What if he hears me? Because he was in another room. We were at, like, a Red Roof Inn. And I call my therapist. She doesn't answer. She calls me back immediately, and she's like, emily, what's wrong? I said, I'm. I'm trying to leave. I'm so scared. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. And she stayed on the phone with me the whole time. I run down barefoot so I don't make a lot of noise. And I get in my Uber, I'm like, go, go, go. And he drives me to my mom's, and the whole car ride, he is blowing my phone up. Like, I just knew you were gonna leave. I just felt it, like, just. You always leave me. You're breaking my heart. Just all this shit. Like, I'm doing this to him. And he says, I'm coming to your mom's house, and I'm gonna shoot myself on Instagram Live in front of your house. And I'm like, there's no. You're. No. You're not doing that. Lo and behold, he shares his location with me. And I see him pulling up in front of my mom's house, and I get the notification that he turned on his Instagram Live. And I run outside, and I get in the car, and I'm fighting with him over the gun, like a loaded gun. And I grab his phone, I turn off Instagram Live, and he keeps telling me to get out. And I'm like, no, I'm not gonna get out. You're trying to hurt yourself. I'm not gonna be, like, responsible, even though I wasn't. And he's like, I'm. I can't. I'm not. I don't have the guts to, you know. So we drive back to Dallas from my mom's house, and we go to his plug, and he gets nine perk tension. And he said he was gonna just kill himself that way. And I'm thinking, this isn't gonna kill you. This is just gonna make you really, really sick. And. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't know drugs like this. So, like, I really don't know what's going to happen. I'm thinking, do I call an ambulance? He's gonna be pissed if I call an ambulance, because they're going to take him to, like, a. A mental facility, inpatient, whatever. And so his mom ends up finding out because he was calling this other girl, saying, like, you know, this is. He's gonna hurt himself. And so she calls his mom, and his mom pulls up, and I'm like, okay. I left for this reason because he's seriously not okay in the head. And so I call my brother. My brother comes and picks me up, and he. He was, you know, just mad again that I left. And at this point, I think he kind of figured out that he has to be really gentle with me in order to keep me around. So I ended up going back around again. This was like, what, the fourth time? And I didn't have to work anymore. He just had me there. And sometimes he would, you know, act like he loved and cared about me. And other times, he would just kind of leave me there, and I would be there alone, super miserable. I wanted to go home. He would take my car keys from me so I could not leave. And we were living so bad that I would have to wash my panties in the shower. I couldn't do laundry. Like, the life that I was living, why did I choose to leave that for this? And I, you know, my brain started to, you know, think about, okay, what is going on here? Why are you not leaving? What is going on in here that you're. You're stuck in this cycle? You know, my mom would. This was probably, like, December. My mom would text me in the middle of the night, and she would be like, are you okay? I just. I don't know. Something. My mom is very, very intuitive. She's very gifted. And she would say, something feels right. Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. I just love you and I miss you so much. And she'd be like, why don't you just come home? And I'm like, yeah, you know, just not really telling her. And, you know, she. She knew what was going on, but she didn't know. There was a lot that she did not know. And I really don't want her to watch this because I think there's a lot she needs to stay in the dark about. Yeah, let's see. So I was in a very dark place. I was very depressed. I was doing perks every day because they made me feel better. They made me feel numb. They made me not care about what was happening to me and my self worth was so low. You know, every time I left, he would like take my makeup and I, I, he would like destroy it or something. And you know, it was a point where he was asking me like, why don't you ever put on makeup? And I said, I don't have any. You keep taking it like you always take my. And he's like, oh, we'll get you some. And so like, you know, there would be times where he would buy me that I needed and then he would just leave me alone. And I would just be there alone and not working, not doing anything, just trying to survive. And I was constantly in a state of what mood is he going to be in today? And I would alter my mood to be more pleasant, so that way I didn't give him any problems and avoid less ass whooping. So there was this, I, I feel like I left like every other week and then came back one night, he told me, go get me some food and get you something too. And I'm like, oh yeah, this is my route. Because I prayed, please give me a way home with all of my. And he, God always answered. So he goes back upstairs to his room, he gives me my keys and I wait till he's up there and I can't see him anymore. I grab all my bags, put them in my car and I go and I turn my location off so he can't see me. And my plan was to go stay with my, my best friend, my girl best friend for a little bit. And he is freaking out, he's calling me. He apparently he like pissed himself. He went to the bathroom on himself because he was so fucked up that I left. And he was, he wasn't even mad, he was just crying. He got in an Uber and I was on the phone with him and he was like trying to find me and he didn't find me because I turned my location off. But after that I didn't, did end up going back again. So in March, me and this other girl went to Austin for South by Southwest. We were going to dance out there and work our ads and I was making so much money, he wasn't around. I was, I really was just preparing to leave, but this other girl was around and I knew if she sees me leave, she's either going to try to stop me, beat me up or tell him. And so when we're supposed to check out of our hotel, south by Southwest is over. I'm trying to pack my I'm going to tell her. I'm going to go just put my shit in the car. And I was gonna just leave her there because he was on his way down. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm coming down. Like, she would not let me go without her. Like, I think she knew. And, you know, he comes. I'm like, if only I could just get this girl out of my car, then I can get out of here and go home. Like, I. At this point, I just wanted to be away from him. I was detached. I just did not want to be with him anymore. I could not take it. I couldn't keep living like that. He's like, I want us all to go to New Orleans again. I tell him, I really don't want to go to New Orleans. Can I just go back to Texas and just work that way? Like, I promise I'll work. I don't want to go to New Orleans. And he's just like, you know, just shut up. Like, you'll be fine. So we get to New Orleans. I, like, this man was always giving me either, like, a yeast infection or bv. I was always having problems because he just was just so dirty. And I feel like he was having sex with so many girls. And so I. What was I on? He gave me, like, a line of some type of lean. It was yellow, and it, like, knocked me out for, like, almost an entire day. And I was still doing perks. I'm, you know, praying, God, please get me out of here. And he leaves with a girl to go to the casino, because they have a casino out there. And the other girl that I went to Austin with, she was in that Airbnb with me. It's just her and I. And I'm thinking, okay, like, now's my chance. I have my car, I have my suitcase. I have a couple hundred dollars. I can make it home. So I call my best friend. Like, please stay on the phone with me. I'm so scared. I. I was on the second floor. I go on the balcony and throw my suitcase over onto the grass so she wouldn't see me leave with my suitcase because I would have to go past her room. So I grabbed my purse and, like, my heart is racing. I'm terrified. My body is shaking. I say, hey, I'm gonna go grab something from my car real quick. And I run downstairs, I grab my suitcase, run to my car, turn off my location, and I start booking it out of Louisiana. And he's calling me. I just knew you were gonna leave. I knew it. I knew I shouldn't left. And another girl was driving him, and he would. He was saying she'd, like, go 200. I can hear him yelling at this girl to go faster to try to find me. And I'm speeding. I end up getting pulled over. And I'm. The officer comes up to the window. I'm crying. I'm like, I'm so scared of my boyfriend. I just love my boyfriend. I'm trying to make it home, back to Texas. And he's like, calm down. Like, he has me call my mom. We tell my mom what's going on, and he lets me go. And the whole way back to Dallas, he's blowing my phone up, just texting me. And this time, he. He more was making me feel guilty for leaving and, you know, promising that he was gonna change and saying, look how. Look at all the other ways I have changed. I don't make you work. Like, I let you do whatever you want. Nobody else gets that luxury. Making me feel special. So I get back to Dallas. He says, stay at our apartment. Like, you have it to yourself. Just stay there, because I know you don't want to go to your mom's. So everything in me tells me, no, don't do it. Just go home like you. You left. Keep it that way. But I stayed at the apartment. And the next morning, he calls me. He says, hey, I really need you to do me a favor. Please meet me halfway between New Orleans and Dallas and bring me back to Texas because I have some business I need to take care of. Everything in me is telling me, no, like, do not do it. And he. You know, I felt. I kind of felt like I owed him a little bit, and I felt guilty. So I go. I tell my best friend, hey, like, we need to put off our plans by a couple hours. I need to go meet him and bring him back. She's like, okay. So I meet him in Nagadish. I don't know if it's in Texas or Louisiana. And I get there. I'm waiting on him. He comes. I'm feeling like something's not right. There's something that's. I feel like something's about to happen. And so he. He tells me, get in the passenger seat. And he's in my car, and he's in the driver's seat, and we drive out of the parking lot. He's not saying anything, not looking at me, nothing. And I'm like, this is where I'm starting to start to freak out a little bit. And you could either turn left and go further into Louisiana or right towards Texas. He turns left, and my heart sinks to my ass. And I'm like, I didn't have anything with me. All I had was my purse. I didn't have any clothes, no suitcase, nothing. Because I thought we were going back to Texas. He turns to me and he, like, has this look on his face, and he's accusing me of cheating on him. Sleeping. Other men sleeping with other men, like, with no protection, just, like, doing unsafe. And I'm like, where are you getting this information from? And apparently the girl I went to south by Southwest with was telling him a whole bunch of that didn't happen. And I'm like, can you not feel the genuity, like, when I'm talking to you? Like, this did not happen. And he, He. He did not care. Once he believed something, that was it. And so I'm. Now I'm trying to play it cool and be like, well, if you, you know, if you wanted me to come back to Louisiana, why didn't you just tell me? I could have brought my suitcase. And I think he knew that I was trying to just. Yeah, you know, we're on the freeway. The girls that brought him there to meet me, they were following behind us. And he took my phone, he took my money out of my purse, my driver's license, my debit cards. Except for one. I had one debit card on me that he didn't take because it was hidden in a little side pocket. And I'm thinking, do I jump out of the car? Like, I was seriously considering jumping out of the car because I didn't know what was going to happen to me. When we got back to New Orleans and he was telling me that I made a YouTube video, and I talked about this, but this part I didn't say on there. He said, when we get back to New Orleans, you're not going to have your phone. I'm going to put you in a room, and you're going to make me $10,000. You're not going to verify anybody. I'm just going to send them to your door.

[Jim Clementi]

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[Emily]

So good, so good, so good.

[Da Vorah]

New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores.

[Emily]

Now. Get ready to save big with up to 60% off rag and bone, Marc Jacobs, free people and more. How did I not know Rack has Adidas? Cause there's always something new. Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus, buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack. And if something happens to you, something happens to you. I could. If you don't verify properly, you could be involved in a sting. Somebody could kidnap you, Somebody could kill you. You never know. Somebody could rape you, whatever. And I'm like. I felt he was so serious, and I knew if I don't get away before we get there, I will probably not come home. And a couple of weeks ago, my therapist even told me, emily, I was seriously worried about you. I really thought you were going to die. And when she told me that, it really made me think, wow, everybody in my life, they were on the other side. They. They were all there for me. My best friend was always there for me. My mom was always there for me. And hearing her say, I thought you were gonna die was like a reality check. Yeah. And so we pull over to a gas station because I had to pee. And before I get out of the car, he looks at me and he tells me, don't do any funny shit. And I'm in the gas station. I go to the bathroom. There's another lady in there. And I'm thinking, you need to. This is your chance. Like, tell her you need her phone. Tell her you need help. Like, to ask her to stay in the bathroom with you. And I'm sure she would have, but I didn't because I. Because I was scared. I was scared he was going to come in there before the police got there. I was scared he's gonna. He was gonna take off with my car. So she leaves the bathroom, and I just. I had so much regret that I didn't ask her for help. I'm leaving. He stops me because he was in there, and he says, come stand in line with me. And you know that hand signal for when you're in distress? Like, this is the universal. I'm doing that behind my back, hoping somebody sees and notices. And I'm trying to make eye contact with people, trying to show on my face, something's not right here. Nobody gives a Everybody's in their own world. And, you know, that was kind of on me because I had an opportunity and I didn't take it because I was just too scared. We get in the car, we're driving again. I'm praying the whole time, please get me out of here. Please get me out of here. Please get me out of here. And we end up stopping again because the other girl, she did. She just didn't want to drive anymore. And so he says, you're gonna drive your car and you're gonna follow me. I had my car. As long as the car was on, you could drive it without the key fob in it. So he said, don't stop. Don't turn off your car. Like, just follow me. And he had my phone, he had everything. So we're driving. I'm trying to drive recklessly. So somebody like, calls and reports me, or somebody pulls me over and we get up to this exit where you could go into Baton Rouge. And I'm behind him, and I slow down and there was nobody over here. So I jump over and book it. And there was cars behind him now. So he. I saw him. He was trying to slow down and he couldn't, so. And he had my phone. So I drive down a couple miles. One of the girls suitcases was in my car. And I didn't know this at the time, there was a gun in it. And I throw it out and I stop at this urgent care, and I asked them to use their phone. I just looked so disheveled, and they let me use their phone, but they were closing. And you would think at an urgent care they might like, are you okay? What. What happened? No, they didn't care. They said, we're closing. Like, you need to wrap up your phone call. And so that, like, to this day, still floors me. And I drive to a gas station, and there was a woman there. She let me use her phone, and I called my mom, and I'm like, hey, can you try to figure out how to send me some money on this card so I can fill up my gas tank? And, you know, she's not able to. So the lady was like, let me fill up your gas tank. And she showed me, okay, this is where you need to go to get to Texas. And she gave me her number and she said, let me know when you make it. And I did. I end up taking a wrong exit and I'm driving. And I've driven from Texas to Louisiana a few times, so I know what it looks like. And I'm like, this doesn't look like the road that I've driven on before. I turn on the radio and it's talking about Houston's finest. I'm like, so from Houston, I had to stop a few times to try to get directions. I ended up making it to Dallas, and then when I got home to my mom's, couldn't turn my car off. My brother had to follow me to a dealership so I could leave it there until I had the money to get a new key, fob it. I was in the car for, like, 13, 14 hours. It was the longest drive ever. But I was just so grateful to make it back home alive with my car because I knew that time that was going to be it. I just knew. How long were you with him? Total from September23 to March 24th.

[Da Vorah]

Okay, so all that happened in like, a year?

[Emily]

Yeah. Okay.

[Da Vorah]

It was fast.

[Emily]

Very fast. And, you know, he would. He. To this day, he still reaches out, like, at least once a month just to, like, see how I'm doing. And I'll, you know, earlier in the year, I would kind of feed into it a little bit, but at a certain. I think up until, like, April, I was like, no, like, seriously, leave me the alone. And he still keeps reaching out from a different phone number. He even. Somebody told me he ended up getting shot in the head a couple months ago. And this was a girl that was close to me. I said, she. She messaged me. She was like, I heard so and so got shot in the head. Is he okay? I said, don't you remember when I called you and told you everything that happened? Why are you coming to me worried about him? Like, you even know him personally. And he was so good at getting the whole world to all of Texas to know, like, okay, I'm a good person. But he really was. And when I say narcissist, I don't. You know, that word is thrown around a lot. But he legitimately was a narcissist and not okay in the head. And it just. Like, I haven't talked to her since that because it. It blew my mind. And he would reach out to me a couple times, like, so you're. You're not gonna check on me after I get shot in the head like, you. Do you not care about me? No. Like, do you not have other under you that, you know, care about you? Yeah. So. Yeah. And then that was it. And you haven't gone back since. Well, good. Don't. Yeah. So what are you doing now? So I was using My esthetician license. I was waxing up. Until last week. It felt like I wasn't supposed to be there too much longer. And I prayed a couple weeks ago. The. Two weeks ago I prayed, I said, God, I. I'm ready for what's next. And whenever I pray for something like that, it happens fast. And the next week, I am. You know, I wake up and I'm getting ready for my lash appointment. And then I have work. I'm sitting on the toilet going pee, and I just get this overwhelming feeling. It was like a download. And it felt like God was telling me, you're going to be fine. And it was so overwhelming. It made me so happy. I'm in my lash appointment and I get done, and I see that I was kicked out of our work group chat and I got my termination letter, and I was like. I just had this, like, premonition. Yeah. And now I was, like, happy. I was like, okay, this. You know, God just prepared me for this. I'm not supposed to be here anymore. And I felt it. So now I don't know what I'm gonna do. I. I can. I make a little money here and there, but I. I don't know. Yeah. Because I was doing only fans, but I don't, like, my kind of values have changed a little bit. I would love to be married and have a family someday. And, you know, I judge myself for doing only fans. I. I go back and forth. But I'm sure you understand, because you do only fans as well. I get it. But, yeah, I'm. Right now, I'm just going where I'm guided. Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

And I think it's tough, you know, like, even what you mentioned, I think whether it's only fans or dancing or the corner, whatever it might be, you know, like, I feel like unless you. You are. How do I put this? Like. And I say this with kindness and love still. But, like, unless you are so far gone where, like, you don't even know what's happening, and you're so drugged out, I can't imagine somebody wanting to do it.

[Emily]

Absolutely.

[Da Vorah]

You know, like. And I think it's tough because it's. It is. It can be quick and easy money, and it is better than sitting miserably and doing a 9 to 5 that you make no money and you hate. Yeah. But at the same time, you know, I'm the same way in the sense that, like, I am a very spiritual person. That lifestyle does not align with me anymore. You know, Like, I. The feeling that you had when you Started, you know, in the club like that. It was very similar for me with OnlyFans. It was like, this is crazy. This is great. Like, it is. It was empowering. And I was very. I was more, like, outwardly sexual with myself and who I was then, and now it's just like, I hate it. You know what I mean?

[Emily]

I get up and do this today.

[Da Vorah]

Right? Exactly. It doesn't align with where you're at. And it's tough because it's like, you know, you do have to look at it like, okay, well, I still need to survive. I need to make money and things like that. So I get where you're coming from and what you're saying. And I think, too, you know, with what happened in your situation of meeting someone and kind of having not having that, like, father figure there. And of course, when you have feelings for somebody, even if they're the worst person, it is very easy to keep going back and to crave, you know, the good things that they show you. And also, like. Like we were saying, it all happened so fast, you know, and, like, you were very naive to the situation. And it's not to make excuses, but it's like, that's just the reality of it, you know? Like, I don't think anybody walks into something. Like, if somebody would have laid out when you first met that guy, like, here's what's gonna happen. You probably would have just turned around and been like, no, thanks.

[Emily]

Absolutely.

[Da Vorah]

But you don't know these things until you're in them. And it is a scary situation, you know?

[Emily]

Terrifying. And, you know, for. For nine months after I, like, officially left for the last time, I was terrified on a daily basis. I was still in survival mode. I was scared because I had just moved into, like, my first apartment all by myself, and I got my brand new car all by myself. And I was terrified. Like, what if one of his girls are here? Yeah. What if he is trying to look for me? What if he sees me out somewhere? I was scared to, like, leave my house. And I'm grateful to have been with my therapist for, like, five years now. And so she. She's seen me grow and go through a lot of horrible things. And the last session we had, she told me, emily, I'm so proud of you. Like, you've really come so far. And she always tells me, like, if there's something you feel guided towards, I. I trust you. You're so intuitive. Like, you. You. You know, you know yourself. Yeah, yeah. And you'll figure it out, you know, I always do. Yeah, you always do.

[Da Vorah]

And I'm like, I. When you said, like, whenever you ask for something, it happens. Like, you wouldn't be asking for it if you weren't ready for it.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

You know, and I think that once again, all of this happening is still. It is still so recent and so soon. Yeah. You know, so it's like it'll happen when it's supposed to happen, and you're gonna be on a path for yourself that just works, you know, and sometimes it's not about figuring out what it is or how you're going to do it. It's just trusting that the universe is going to make it happen.

[Emily]

Yeah. God, whatever.

[Da Vorah]

You know, whatever. People believe that no matter what, if you are asking for it, you will receive it. That's just the truth. You know, I think especially too, not staying down in the dumps. And I feel like you're somebody that, like, even though you went through that and you were in that situation and sometimes willingly.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

At the same time, you are too strong of a person to stay in it and remain in it. You know what I mean? It was like you knew. I think there was this. It was like half. And half of you. It was like half of you was this young, naive. We could say daddy issues, need money like that. But then this other half of you is this, you know, this strong, powerful, intuitive woman. And it's like, I feel like the whole year that you were in that, it was just this constant battle. I think that's why you left and you came back and you came back,

[Emily]

you know, but it's.

[Da Vorah]

You have to learn those things. That's the only way you're going to grow.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

You know, and it's like, I feel like this life for you was meant to teach you so many things like that and help you grow and, you know, become who you're going to be and who you are today.

[Emily]

And, you know, I would not take anything back ever in my life if. If there was anything I could choose to not experience, I would not, because I would not be who I am right now, sitting right here. And I know that I'm here for a higher purpose. I. I've thought about. I just started my own YouTube channel where I talk about my little crazy stories and things that I have learned from going through things with certain men. And now I'm just kind of. This is where I am. And I know I'm here for something. I don't know exactly what it is yet, but.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah. And I want to say too.

[Emily]

You know, I think that it's very

[Da Vorah]

easy for people to judge women who.

[Emily]

Whether, once again, no matter what it

[Da Vorah]

is, if it's anything that's not the normal work.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

You know, and I feel like you are such a good voice for those women because there's a lot of women who don't want to be doing that, but also don't see a way out. And I feel like you and your story kind of serve that purpose. Is like this voice of. You know, I get it. I went back a bunch, too. I didn't know any better. I was naive. I had nothing, but I was able to get out of it.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

You know what I mean? And I feel like it kind of serves that hope and it makes you relatable. You know, I think that a lot of people would feel safe listening to your story and turning to you, rather than someone who's never experienced it or never went through it or didn't deal with having nothing, you know, where they had to go, feel like they had to go do those things.

[Emily]

Yeah. Because a lot of these girls. They do.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

That's what they know. They feel like they're not good for anything else but that. And, you know, these. These men who they're with, they instill it in your brain that you won't have anything without me. You need a man to be anything in the world.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah.

[Emily]

And that's. And that's. That's all they know, too. It's full of, like, it's. It's. It doesn't make any sense.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah. Well, I'm glad that you're where you are now.

[Emily]

There's so much more to come. How old are you? I'm 24.

[Da Vorah]

Okay.

[Emily]

You're so young. Yeah. You have so much more. I know. It's crazy. So excited. You should be.

[Da Vorah]

And I feel like. Like I'm somebody that I always believe. Obviously, you do, too. And experiences good and bad, you know, like they're meant to happen for a reason. They teach us things. I'm the same way in the sense of I don't. You can't regret anything. There's no point of it. We can't go back. We can only learn from it. But you'll have to give me your. Your YouTube and anything else so that if people want to hear more stories and I can put in the description anything you want in there.

[Emily]

Okay. Because I think that would be really good.

[Da Vorah]

And then people can kind of reach out to you directly, too, if they want to.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

But it's a lot But I think that there's a lot of. I really, really feel like there's a lot of women that will resonate. I mean, even, like, for me, it's like, I obviously didn't go through your same experience, but so many different emotions and things that you felt kind of throughout your career and your. Your choices that you made, like, they resonate with me. I'm like, I get that. Like, I felt that before. And it. I think I always tell people, that's why it's so, so important and crucial to share your story, because there's so many people that can relate to it, or you can just bond with people and connect. And it's like, I feel that's the beauty of life. Like, why would you not want to connect with another human? And even if you come from two completely different paths and backgrounds, the importance in that is incredible. I feel like it's so full circle.

[Emily]

Yeah. And the. The few videos that I have posted on my YouTube right now, I've had a couple people say, wow, I needed to hear this. Or, you know, related to it. And the joy I felt reading that, it was fulfilling. It's extremely fulfilling. Like, it made me so happy. Yeah. It was kind of a reminder. Okay, this is why you're doing it. Because it touches other people. I feel like you could write a book, too. I want to.

[Da Vorah]

About your experiences, because I feel like that's a whole nother world. Like, it is the. The pimp stop. Then the. You know, like, that is a very different world. That one, I don't think enough people truly understand or know about. But two, the women that are in it, I feel like they have their whole own experience and could relate to you in that sense. And it's like there's so many. I almost feel like you could really educate a lot of people on that life and how you got out of it. Because I feel like there's a lot of people that just don't or can.

[Emily]

And, you know, if you want to call it what it actually is, trafficking, it looks so different than what you think it might. It's not always. I'm in a grocery store and somebody kidnapped me and took me to some out of the country place. Like, it can look like meeting a guy in a club or meeting a guy at a bar. Yeah. Or at a nightclub. And he says, oh, we can make some money together. You have so much potential. You could do X, Y and Z. And then it. That's it. Yeah. Right.

[Da Vorah]

And I think, too, it's like we were saying you were in a very vulnerable and naive state. You didn't have, I think, too, you know, that's. I think a lot of people. It's very easy to throw around. Also the daddy issue thing.

[Emily]

Yeah. You know, and.

[Da Vorah]

But the reality is, is that, like, if you don't have that figure that teaches you any better or that stops you, because I think a lot of dads are, like, they're strict. They'd stop it. They wouldn't let it happen. You know, like, and moms can only do so much, you know.

[Jim Clementi]

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[Da Vorah]

people that have a dad, they might still do their own thing. But that being said, it is a very serious thing. It's something that I think a lot of people, they'll joke around about, but it is something that I think it does change the. The course of your life. It does. It does have you lead down, you know, paths you might not have gone down. But at the same time, I think that it, it creates a different type of strength in you because you almost have to teach yourself those qualities. You know, you didn't have a dad to show you and instill this, this, and this, but you go through these experiences and you grow and you learn. And then you realize, like, okay, I didn't have it then, and it might have pushed me down this path, but now I'm teaching myself these things and I'm learning these values in a different way.

[Emily]

And I'm glad you said that, because something that my therapist has taught me and I'm still learning, of course, but something that I have overcame a lot. If there's a void in me, whatever it is, I am now able to, okay, that's, you know, I know I Know where this is coming from? I recognize this void. How can I fill it myself? Yeah. Because if not, I'm going to go keep searching for it. And I. I'm not doing it anymore. And I've become so good at it. The amount of growth I've experienced from that situation. I'm attracting better people, I'm attracting better men. Because you're raising your. Your vibration. Yes. And like, everything around me is just beautiful now, and that's how it should

[Da Vorah]

be, you know, that's what you deserve. Just sometimes it takes some losing your head and time to get there. Yeah, but. And I think too, it's so good that you have been in therapy and you have that, because I think that that makes the biggest difference.

[Emily]

Huge. Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

Like, for. I mean, even for me, like, I feel like when I started going to therapy, that was kind of that extra push and it. Once again, I know it can be hard for people to find the right therapist, but, like, when you do, it can be very, very transformative and help you in so many ways.

[Emily]

My. My therapy, she has changed my life. Like, I absolutely love her.

[Da Vorah]

I think they help you view things from a very just like, clear perspective. It's not so, like, emotional or it's like. It's just. It is what it is.

[Emily]

You can. You're able to take yourself out of yourself and like what you said, just have a clear perspective. Well, you did amazing.

[Da Vorah]

Thank you.

[Emily]

Thank you.

[Da Vorah]

Was there anything else? Do you think that there was any other points you wanted to make?

[Emily]

No. Okay. Well, you did so good.

[Da Vorah]

And thank you so much seriously, for wanting to share this story. Like I said, I feel like. I really do feel like, like obviously you told it in what, like an hour and a half? But I feel like there's so many. I really think you should consider writing

[Emily]

a book, because I really like it.

[Da Vorah]

That is its whole own life that not many people understand. And I really feel like it could be so intriguing and interesting for people to read and understand the nitty gritty of it and the dangers of it and. But also, like, how easy it is to fall into it.

[Emily]

It's incredibly easy.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah. Especially if you're just. If you're young and naive and just money. Especially when you're that age and you're not at a point where you have this identity within yourself, you know, because growth. We're not at 19 and 20, 21, you're not. You haven't really formed that identity yet, you know, and you're gonna have a whole new experience when you turn 25, 26. That's gonna be a whole new chapter for you. Cause, like, for me, when I turned 25, like, it was like, I feel like that's when the shift really happened for me. I was like, wait a second, I no longer am the person that I was for the last 24 years. But no, it's like, you know, I. At that age, we don't have the tools yet. And I feel like that makes it even easier for us to make. And whether it's a situation like yours or it's people that fall into just, you know, alcohol or drugs or a bad friend group, this is all part of life and youth and experiencing things. And of course, there's kids and people that don't fall into that. Good for them.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

But, like, there's a lot of people that do, and there's a lot of people that hold shame and guilt and whatever else around it. And I feel like too, like, the fact that you don't identify with that is important. Like, and you should never identify with things that have happened in your past. Like, those are just. Just stepping stones and things that have happened, but they just help you in your growth and your journey, you know? But I really appreciate you coming on and of course, thank you. And also, like, I said, send me anything that you want me to link for people in the description that they can find your stuff. And do you post on Tick Tock too?

[Emily]

And here and there. You should.

[Da Vorah]

Yeah, I feel like that. I feel like your stories would really go viral on there as well. Are they doing well on YouTube?

[Emily]

No, I think I have like 20 subscribers.

[Da Vorah]

Post like shorter stories on TikTok. Yeah, I know TikTok can be really annoying, but I just feel like you

[Emily]

have to, like, get the algorithm.

[Da Vorah]

I know, but like, sometimes, like, if one just hits like, people really, like, because it's so, like, people's attention span is so short. But I feel like even if you did, like, shorter versions on Tick Tock, it would. It might drive more people over to the YouTube if you're doing like longer stories over there just to get your story really out there. Yeah, I feel like that would help a lot. And it's easy. It's like in the sense, it's just like it can be faster paced. And like, if you kind of started out like how we do on here, like, I'm going to like, this is my story of how I was trafficked by my boyfriend. And then you just go into it.

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Da Vorah]

And like, that'll like, hook people and get their attention and do it a bunch of times. Like, if you have, like, a good hook right away, people will stay and watch. You should try it.

[Emily]

Okay, I will.

[Da Vorah]

And stick with it. Consistency and it'll pick up.