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- [00:01]
Chris Cook
My name is Chris Cook. I grew up in Warren County, New Jersey, and I was sexually abused by the sheriff of Warren county starting at the age of 14, 15, and 16. And I grew up in Phillipsburg, New Jersey. I came from a single family home. I just had a mother. My father left early on in life. I didn't really get to know him throughout that time of my life at all. And I do have a sister. She's younger. And it was the same thing. We had different fathers, though.
- [00:32]
Heather McDonald
Okay.
- [00:33]
Chris Cook
And my whole story starts off with I was 13, and I was hanging out at the house or whatever it was, and the knock comes on the door, and my mom gets the door and everything. She said, hey, Chris. He said, the cops are here and they want to talk to you. And this was around November, early November. And what happened was they were asking me questions about a pumpkin. It was Mischief Night. It was Halloween time. And they were asking me about a pumpkin that was stolen off a neighbor's porch. And I was being accused of stealing a pumpkin I never stole. And with that, I ended up having to go to court. The people pressed charges on me for this over a pumpkin. And it was a big pumpkin. I mean, you should see. I mean, there's no way I was picking this pumpkin. It was huge. And I had to go to court because they pressed the charges on me. And with that, in Warren county, they put me on six months probation in
- [01:28]
Heather McDonald
the beginning, at 13.
- [01:29]
Chris Cook
At 13 for a pumpkin I didn't steal.
- [01:32]
Heather McDonald
And did somebody say it was you? Like, why did they think, yeah, the
- [01:34]
Chris Cook
other kids, I guess, that stole it, said I was with them, okay? And I. We all got charged and we all got put on probation and we had to pay a fine. I don't remember what the fine was. It was some stupid little fine, but. And that was it. That's where my life of crime began, over at Punk. And I never stole. And the one part about that weekend that it was stolen or whatever was actually one of the first times I spent a weekend with my father. And I never spent time with him because I really didn't know who he was. And somehow he linked back up with my mother. She said, hey, I want you to spend some time with Chris or whatever. And he did. And it was that weekend. And when it came down to the cops coming to the house, stealing the pumpkin and everything, I didn't have the support, nobody. She didn't back me up. I don't know if it was fear. I don't know what it was from her, but There was no support saying no, he was with his father. It just never happened. And with that, it put me in the criminal system, I guess you would call it. And at that time in New Jersey and Phillipsburg, they had a curfew, I think it was around 10 o'.
- [02:36]
Heather McDonald
Clock.
- [02:38]
Chris Cook
And Phillipsburg, New Jersey at the time it was. Wasn't that big of a town. It was a decent sized town, but it wasn't a big town back then. It was just a blue collar town. You know, we had industry and stuff like that then. And a lot of people knew each other one way or the other. Everybody knew each other. And with that punkin, the cops got to know me. They knew who I was, where I lived. So there was a lot of times I would get picked up after curfew. Like either I was coming from a friend's house or I was just being a kid. It's 10 o' clock at night, it's really not that late. But they would pick me up. And every time they would pick me up, they would let my probation officer know that they picked me up. So that would start putting checks, check marks from probation violations. And I ended up having to go back to court a little later because of the probation violations. And that's where I started getting a little bit more in trouble with having to go into Warren Acres. Warren Acres at the time was a detention center in Warren County, New Jersey for juveniles. And with the probation violations, they sentenced me to Warren Acres. It was like, I think the first time was like 30 days to be on Warren Acres. That's where it put me in contact with the sheriff of Warren County, N.J. and his name was Sheriff Edward Bullock. I never stole a pumpkin. And this is where I met the devil. Sheriff Bullock was the devil. And after court, the first time I was there, when they sentenced me to Warren Akers, they ended up, they come into the courtroom, they handcuff you, they put the shackles around your ankles, they put a belt around your waist, and they put a chain from your wrist to your ankles because now you're a criminal. And they walk you back to the holding cell. And the holding cell was just right around the corner from the courthouse. So they did that for, I guess while you waited for transport for the sheriff. And as I'm sitting in there in the holding cell, the sheriff walks in and he introduces himself. He said, you know, he tells me who he is. And he looks, he said, you don't need these. So he took the handcuffs off me, the shackles and everything took me out and he took me out of the holding cell and my mother was standing in the hallway. And this is the one thing, one of the things you'll never forget. There's a lot of things that burn in your brain, but this is one of them. And it always upset me. Every time I would think about it or I have to talk about this, the court, later on in my life, he came up to me, he came up to my mother and he said, don't worry, I'm going to take care of him. And you can see that looking in my mother's eyes, like she was actually happy. That like a grown up was finally a grown, like a person of power, authority was going to look over me, right?
- [05:10]
Heather McDonald
You trust me, take care of me
- [05:11]
Chris Cook
and set me straight. Because I wasn't a bad kid. I was just a kid that would run the streets at that time. 13, 13 year old kid, 14 year old kid. Oh. And it just didn't turn out that way. And he ended up, after he met my mother and everything, she left. He took me into his office, which is again, his office is actually right around the corner from that too. It was a small courthouse, it wasn't that big of a courthouse. And when he takes you into his office, he closed the door and he's talking to me, he's asking me questions, he's like, hey, asking me things I like to do. And back then we used to fish a lot. Me and my buddies would run around. We lived right by the Delaware river, so we would run down to the river all the time with our fishing poles and we'd fish and he would talk to me about fishing and stuff, just different things and. And I didn't realize it, but that was his grooming process. I didn't learn the grooming process really till later on in life. Till I started working through what I went through. Yeah, but he was in there, I guess with the grooming. And as he's talking to me, it comes behind me and he's rubbing my shoulder, you know, just talking to me. I'm not thinking nothing of it. I don't know what's going on. I'm a kid. And that's where it all started with him. He came in with. Then after there, we might have been there. I think about. I couldn't tell you how long. It seemed like forever. It could have been an hour, whatever. As he's talking to me and he takes me out of there and we walked down, right out the door. There was a stairwell, we walked down to the stairwell. At a courthouse. And we walked into. And that's where he parked his car. And he parked the sheriff's car back there that he had. It was an unmarked car. And he put me in the car. And he put me in the front seat. I didn't have to sit in the back seat, so he put me in the front seat. And as he starts going on, he takes me to this little spot and there's a stream. It's actually a little river. They call it the Pequest river. It's not a big river, more of a stream. But he pulls over on this little pullover part. And he's sitting there, he's talking to me about how it's a good fishing hole. And as he's doing it, he slides over to pat to the passenger side.
- [07:14]
Heather McDonald
It was just a.
- [07:15]
Chris Cook
It was a big bench seat. It just went on forever. It was like a big couch.
- [07:19]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [07:19]
Chris Cook
And he slides over. And as he slides over, he starts rubbing my leg. And he starts working his way up to my crotch. And he's rubbing my crotch. I have no clue what's going on. I'm panicking. I'm a kid. I don't know.
- [07:30]
Heather McDonald
Yeah. And he's a person of authority.
- [07:32]
Chris Cook
I'm sorry.
- [07:33]
Heather McDonald
I said, and he's a person of
- [07:34]
Chris Cook
authority, and he's a person of authority. And I have no idea what's going on.
- [07:37]
Heather McDonald
Right.
- [07:40]
Chris Cook
And I don't know how long that lasted for either. But he stopped and he ended up. He slid back over and he drove and he took me to Warren Acres. And when they take you to Warren Acres, it's a juvenile detention center. And you gotta remember, I'm in there for a punk and I never stole it. I mean, now I'm locked up. They check you in and you do all your things and everything. And, you know, they take you to the back room and they do a strip search. It's just like prison, I guess. I've never been to jail or nothing like that as an adult. But it's the same thing I heard as an adult. You know, they make you go in, they put your arms out, you squat, you cough. Just in case you decide, I guess shove something up your rectum and sneak it in. And then they give you whatever you had to wear. And that was it. I spent my first 30 days there on Warren Acres. And after the 30 days, and this is the way it always happened, like, I didn't realize this was a rule until later on either. Like, after 30 days, they come. The sheriffs would come for you. But they would always, the deputies would come, it'd be always two deputies. So they would pull you out, they'd take you to court, the judge would. And it was always the same judge I saw this whole time. I guess he was a juvenile court judge and he was a tough judge. He was just a tough judge on kids. But I would see the judge and he released me. My mom would take me home and here it is, a 14 year old kid. I just spent my first 30 days locked up. Now you kind of got like a little chip on your shoulder like you're a tough guy or you got an attitude now. And I get back into school and I'm going to school, but I'm. I'm starting to hang out with different crowd of kids and I'm acting up, I'm running around. I'm just. I wasn't a bad kid and I wasn't a. There was no fights, there was nothing like that. It was just. I was re. I was turning rebellious, I guess you would call it. And it was the same thing. Like I would be out on the streets running around and you know, you're like your friend's house or even say if you go to the R, you're fishing and it's late and you come home and this is where it happened again. Like they would, the cops would stop, pick me up and I'd be put on. I'd get a probation violation and they would give me the probation violation and they added up a couple times, I guess. And my probation officer, she was a really wicked woman. She wasn't a happy woman, she was a mean woman really. And oh, and she would make me go sit in front of the judge again. And I would have to sit in front of the same judge of Warren county he would make. And it was nothing criminal. I wasn't out robbing cars or houses or beating people up or stealing anything. It was, it all started out with just all curfew violations and it could have been, they could have saw me at quarter after 10, but it was still a violation, you know, and it. And they knew me by now just for stupid stuff like that, right. So I had to go sit back in front of the judge again. And he sentenced me a little longer this time to Warren Akers. And I think this time was a 60 day sentence. It was the same thing. He was always there, you know, he'd take you out of the holding cell, take everything off. And this is the second time I had no other contact with this guy other than the courthouse okay. And this was actually his M.O. i mean, this is the way he was. He was a serial pedophile. And he would always sit in the back of the courtroom and study the cases. Like if a kid came in and he would study if they came from a broken home. And that's why he preyed on a child without a father figure. Oh. And that's what he did. So. But he ended up coming back in to the holding cell afterwards. After they put me back in there, he took me out. And it was. Again, he takes you into his office. And now, I mean, you really. I don't know if I really processed what happened the first time when he was just rubbing my legs. I didn't understand what was going on. I'm just a 14 year old kid. So then he takes you from there and it's the same thing. He takes you down the steps into the back of the courthouse, into his cop car. And he gets in the cop car and we're driving to Warren Acres. And Warren Acres is out in the middle of nowhere. It's actually in the woods. I mean, you had to drive down his country road. It was all trees. And we went a different way this time. And we didn't go past that spot where he was talking to me about fishing. And we ended up going up this road and everything. And all of a sudden he pulls off on this dirt road. And he pulls off, it's like a wooded dirt road. And he's able to park right after he gets in. It's wood. I mean, you can't see. You couldn't see the car there. And this is where he takes me in. He gets me into that wooded area. He has me pull my pants down. And as I pull my pants down, he reaches. He slides over and he reaches over and he starts masturbating me and playing with me. And as he's doing that, he pulled his pants down. And after he pulled his pants down, he grabbed my arm and he made me masturbate him. And there's a lot of things, like through childhood trauma that you'll never forget. And this is some of them is some of the most disgusting, vile noises you ever heard a man make. It was hard. I mean, he just made noise. He stunk. He had like a weird smell. It was like, I don't know, it was like between a musty stink smell, like maybe he didn't clean up enough after he went to the bathroom. I don't know. And after a little bit of time, he ejaculates after he Ejaculates. He throws me a rag. He reaches down in the seat and he just grabs a rag off the floor and throws it at me and tells me to clean up. And he pulls his pants up. He tells me to pull my pants up. And he doesn't say nothing. He just puts the car in reverse, takes it around, and it's literally right around the corner from Warren Acres. It's like a stone's throw, it's right there. And you pull out of there and you go up the road a little bit and you go up a hill and there's Warren Acres. He pulls in and he pulls in the front by the door. He gets out of the front seat, comes around, gets me and walks me in. When he walks me in, he doesn't say nothing. But he walks in there like it's an everyday thing now. Everybody's like, hey, Sheriff, how you doing? And he's his old jolly self. And they take me in and they take me into the back again. I didn't say nothing because I'm scared, you know, there's a lot of fear.
- [13:56]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [13:57]
Chris Cook
I'm a teenage kid and this guy was a monster of a man. Sheriff Bullock stood around 6 foot 5, 6 foot 6, and he was every bit at £300, if not more. He was just a big giant man. There was no fight in me to fight him or nothing like that. I was just a small 15 year old kid. But they take me in and they take me back into the back and they do the same thing. It's a strip search and everything. You got a squat cough and do your thing. And I told the one guard in there that was doing it to me to strip search. I said to him, I said, the sheriff made me grope him and the guard looked at me, he said, shut up, you're just looking for attention. And when he said that to me, for one, your soul just goes blind and you just don't know what to do, you know, you're lost. And here I told a person of authority, man, I told a grown up like, this guy did this to me and basically it went on deaf ears with him. So they ended up, I told him I didn't feel good and they put me in my cell. And our cell, there were single cells. It wasn't a big place. There might have been 12, if that. I mean, I don't remember. I mean, it was, I know it was where it was and everything. And it was same thing. It was like a little jail cell, a cot. You had your metal toilet with the sink on top. It was basically the same thing, I guess, in a jail. But I stayed in that room probably a good couple days. And there was a lot of crying. There was a lot of. I was sat in there crying and just. I didn't want to come out. I didn't want to face nobody. They'd come in, they bring you your food and everything. They would check on you. But there was times when they would hear you crying. You would throw the toilet paper in the garbage. The toilet. And you would flush it. And I would flush it a lot. And there was no cameras, but there was a microphone system or something like that. And I remember them asking over the microphone. They didn't really come and check to see if you're okay or ask any questions or say, hey, everything okay in there? And I'd be like, yeah, I'm fine. And I stayed in there probably a good couple days. And then afterwards I went back out and I hung out and I did what I had to do out there. And it was. Warren Acres was. I guess I don't know what jail is like, but it wasn't like a jail. They had a big gigantic day room. They had a TV in the corner. By then I'm starting to smoke cigarettes. You were allowed to smoke in there at the time. I got really good at ping pong in that place. But we played games like spades or whatever it is with. With cards and. And you just sit there and you did your time. And in between there, like the sheriff's deputies would come pick you up, take you to court. Like you had to do a check in, I guess, with the court. Cause there wasn't. It wasn't like this day and age where there was zoom or anything like this. It was back in the 80s. And afterwards they would take you back. I didn't see the sheriff all the time, but the same two deputies, basically always the same two. Same deputies that would pick me up and take me to court. And like in between the stays at Warren Acres, the same two would take you back. Like it wasn't always the sheriff, but I didn't even see the sheriff all the time. So after the second time, you're like, okay, cool man, I'm not gonna see this guy, right? So your time comes. My 60 day comes and I basically get released and my mom picks me up and I go back home. And now it's even worse for me, man. I'm running around, I'm just acting up. I'm just really confused now. It's going A little light. I mean, now I'm roughly about 14, 15 years old. And I got a really big chip on my shoulder for life, man. I stopped. I started skipping school all the time. I would just disappear, you know. And the same thing, my mom would call the cops, say hey, Chris ran away or whatever. And the cops will find me and pick me up. But every time they took pull my probation officer, it was the same woman I had the whole time. And I don't know what it was. Warren County, New Jersey, sort of a corrupt county in a way with certain things. It was really. I don't know if it was politically driven from what I found out and when I learned, but it was always just the same group of people. And she would take me back to court and I have to sit in front of the judge, but I would just. I still wasn't doing nothing crazy. There was a couple stupid things, but nothing crazy, nothing, no criminal except basically getting caught out after 10 o' clock at night. And now you're getting older in life, you're a 15 year old kid, you're riding your bike all over the place, you're disappearing. And again I'd have to go back to court because my probation officer gave me the probation violations. So I ended up going back again and it was the same judge. And this time, every time he would make your stays a little longer. You know, I don't know if it was just to teach a lesson, hopefully, but nobody ever talked to you like that, like, like, hey man, what's going on? There was none of that, There was none of that like nobody. There was no. Even with the school, they didn't ask what was going on. Hey, why ain't, why aren't you coming to school?
- [18:42]
Heather McDonald
Right, like the root issue of it.
- [18:44]
Chris Cook
Yeah. And I didn't have grade issues. I mean I was, my grades were good in school, I was a good student in school. I just, it was hard to get me to go there, you know, it just was hard to get me to go to school. And this time I violated my probation again. So I sit in front of the judge, he extends it another 30 days. So now I'm back at Warren Acres again, going back after court. They handcuff you, they take you back to the holding cell. And here comes Sheriff Bullock again, and this is the third time. So he comes in and he comes into the holding cell and he takes you and takes you back into his office. And this time he's giving me cigarettes because you're allowed to smoke in the stairwells. At a courthouse. So before we left, he was like, here, have a couple cigarettes. He'd lead you down to the bottom of the stairs, put you in the front seat of his car again. And. And the thing, like I learned a little later on in life is, like, it was actually the rules. They couldn't do that alone. They always had to have two. Even back then in the 80s, they couldn't be alone.
- [19:45]
Heather McDonald
But he was.
- [19:46]
Chris Cook
He was always alone.
- [19:50]
Heather McDonald
Okay, so if you've listened to this podcast for a while, then you know how important it is for me for people to feel really comfortable and cozy and welcomed in my home. You know, this house is full of animals. I have my seven cats, my two dogs, and guests are constantly coming over for filming. So it's really important for me that when people walk in, they feel the vibes, they feel the energy, that everything is cozy, peaceful, and they feel comfortable enough to really open up and tell their story and that everything around them feels warm and welcoming. But as I'm sure a lot of you can relate to, when it comes to adding new furniture or looking for anything, for that matter, to add to our homes, it can be a little bit stressful because everything is so expensive. I never want to keep just spending money and getting new things. But then I started shopping on Wayfair, and I was actually shocked at how many things actually completely matched my style when I. For example, these two chairs right here, Wayfair, they're amazing. They're my favorites. The chairs that I actually had before these, which were green velvet ones, also from Wayfair, loved it. And the thing that's really important to me is not only is the quality amazing, and can you still create a space that feels cozy and comfortable, soft, welcoming, all the things that we're looking for, the price tag is not crazy. Ready to upgrade your home for less? Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.
- [21:17]
Chris Cook
So this time it's the same thing. Now we get in the car. I don't say. I mean, I'm as quiet probably as could be. I don't. I'm afraid of this guy. I'm terrified.
- [21:24]
Heather McDonald
That's what I was going to ask. Did he ever try to have conversations with you at all?
- [21:27]
Chris Cook
There was just. What? Like what? What do you mean?
- [21:30]
Heather McDonald
Just, like, try to conversate, talk about, ask you any questions or anything like that.
- [21:35]
Chris Cook
Basically just stupid stuff. There was really nothing meaningful out of it. Nothing like getting your life together. No, because he wanted you to be there. He wanted the kids to be there. Because this gave him his access, he needed. I mean, he was just a dirty, devious person, you know, and he was the. He sat in the right spot for that position, for what he did, for the way he was. He was just an evil man. And we go, we get in the car, we're driving, and we're driving up that windy country road. It's just a two lane road, nothing but trees and wood. And we pull back into the same spot. Now your heart's in your stomach.
- [22:08]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [22:09]
Chris Cook
You're scared. It was the same thing. And it wasn't. He didn't scream, he wasn't a screamer, but he was forceful and he was a big man. Like I said, he was a gigantic man. And you're just a kid. So he had same thing. He had me remove my pants. He slid over, he pulled his pants down, and it was the same thing. He started playing with you. And he would force your hand over to you and he'd start making you masturbate him again. And it was the same thing with the sick, disgusted noises and the smells and just the creepiness. The one thing about the sheriff is like I'd never seen a gun. Like a lot of people said he did carry a gun. I don't know if he put it somewhere before he went for the car ride or whatever. I just never seen a physical gun on him. And he always had this big goofy cowboy hat on and he always took it off before he got in the car. And it's the same thing. He's got yogurt, he's making you masturbate him. And he same thing. When he has the ejaculation, he reaches down and throws you a rag again, has you clean up, slides over, has you pull your pants off. He pulls it, gets dressed and he drives up. And it's the same thing. He goes in there like nothing happened.
- [23:17]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [23:17]
Chris Cook
He never once told me never to tell nobody.
- [23:19]
Heather McDonald
Yeah. So I was going to ask you.
- [23:21]
Chris Cook
And that's the thing. Like I, I didn't realize this. When you're, when this is happening, you think you're the only one that's happening to. I didn't realize it was a thing. So he brings you up to Warren Acres, he does the thing. He parks in the front, comes around, removes you from the car, walks you and signs you in. This time when I go back and do the strip search, I'm not saying nothing to nobody because I didn't I wasn't going to tell nobody again.
- [23:42]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [23:42]
Chris Cook
Because I didn't get listened to. No. I was kind of ignored. I was told to shut up. You're looking, you're just looking for attention.
- [23:47]
Heather McDonald
Right. As if they would believe you over him.
- [23:50]
Chris Cook
Right, right. And you ended up doing what you had to do. And I did my time there. And by this time I was thrown out of the Phillipsburg High School because of my group just not going. And they basically expelled me. And the court sentenced me. Not sentenced me. They made me go to this program. It was called New Jersey Youth Corps. And New Jersey Youth Corps was a program for to basically learn and get your GED and get a GED and continue on in life. Because I'm 15, I'm not going to school. I think you're allowed to get a GED when you're 16 and. But this is like a pre classes and everything for it. And I don't really remember a whole lot of school. And I remember they took you to places and they used to have you like sand floors for refinishing floors of a building and clean up and just do stuff on a construction site for certain properties they had there, you know. But I, I sit there and in between, you go back, they. Because of course check in on you and see how you're doing and everything. And they didn't come to you, they took you to them. So it was always the same deputies. One was. The one was like this redheaded guy and other was another guy. I forget. But. But they take you back. And it was always the same too. In between. I, I really didn't have a lot of interactions with the sheriff except the times I was sentenced to, to Warren Acres, you know, there was no in betweens. Like he didn't come and pick me up.
- [25:11]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [25:14]
Chris Cook
So the time goes through, I get out of there and now it's even worse. Like I'm disappearing. When I get out of there, I get released, it's worse. Like I'm disappearing. I'm learning about partying. I'm not much of a party or a drinker. I'm learning about girls, you know, I mean, but I wasn't super sexually active yet at the time. I was more confused now, like, what in the world's going on here? You know, like. And I'm not going to tell nobody. I'm not going to. I'm not telling no one. The New Jersey Youth Corps would send a van to your house and pick you up and take you to the place you had to Go for this education, which wasn't much, but. And it's the same thing. I'm running around and there's a couple little glitches here. And the one time we did go to a friend's house and we went to see if he was home. He wasn't home. So we went in there and knocked on the door. We're in the house yelling for him and everything. He's not there. So we ended up just taking his BB guns. Oh, and I get caught later on in time, like with a.22 shell, I think it was whatever it was. A kid, a friend of mine, threw it in a fire. We had a fire, a little campfire going on. And, you know, throwing this.22 shell in the fire. I ran up and told a neighbor that what he did, it's an older person. And they came down and got. Put the fire out, got that shell out of there. And they ended up calling the cops. And between that. Them calling the cops because of the.22 shell and asking us where we got it. And it was the same thing. It was just a lot of violations. It was just st. Like curfew and just running away. And it got. Some of it was a cat and mouse game now with the cops. Because every time I would see a cop, I'd run, you know, to try to get away. But I. I never got away. And it seemed they always catch you. And it was a crazy teenage life because I just didn't know. I didn't have no direction. I didn't have a father. This was happening to me. I wasn't a bad kid. I wasn't a kid that was really looking for prison or nothing like that. It's just. It's hard to explain sometimes when you talk about it. So now it comes up. I'm around 16, and I have to go back to court for the probation violations and everything with the.22 shell, the running away to disappearing, trying to elude the police from just stupid runs. And they take me back and they sentenced me to a longer sentence this time. And I got sentenced to. I think it was like 120 days. They kept stretching it out. And every time they would stretch it out, it would extend your probation. Now I'm up until I'm 16 and my probation's even longer. So I ended up going to court the same thing the judge sentenced me to Warn Acres, and he extends it this time to 120 days. And there's a couple other juvenile detention centers in the state of New Jersey. And one was a Place called Jamesburg. And this judge used to. And Jamesburg was really for really troubled kids. Like, really people breaking in houses. I don't know what it was. It was a harder core detention center. And he always would hang that over everybody's head. Like a suspended sentence to Jamesburg.
- [28:04]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [28:05]
Chris Cook
And he mentioned it, but I don't know if he actually did it to me, but he sentenced me back to Warren akers for another 120 days or whatever that was. And again, it's the same. This is it. Like I said, every time I had interactions with the sheriff is when I was sentenced to. And he would take me. They would take me back to the holding cell. This time, he brings you into his office, he takes you out of the stairwell, and it's the same thing. There's not a whole lot of conversations. Nothing like, hey, you got to get your life together. There was no pro. Talk.
- [28:38]
Heather McDonald
Yeah. Like guidance or anything.
- [28:39]
Chris Cook
There was no guidance at all. There was nothing. This time he takes me down and we drive down the country windy road, and we pull off on that dirt road. But this time we pull off at a dirt road. We didn't stop at the same spot we stopped at first. Previous times he took me down a little further, and it was weird because I never even knew this was back there. It was like another little wooded section with a little dirt road. And he took you a little further down and there's a pond. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. There's a pond. It was just like. It was weird, you know? But this time he has you remove your pants. And as he's doing. As you're doing that, this time he got out of the car and he never did. He never got out of the car. He always just stayed in the car. He got out of the car, went around, opened the door, and he opened the door and he pulled. He had me out. He pulled me out and he brought me to the back of the car. This time he's got his pants down and he's not making me masturbate him. He's playing with himself. But as he's playing with himself, he ended up sticking his finger in my ass. And it scared me. I started crying. I was crying. I was scared to death. I never had anything like, I'm scared.
- [29:50]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [29:51]
Chris Cook
And after that, he tried to stick his. He tried to anally rape me. And he had me up. And like I said, he was a monster. And he had me on the back of the car. And I'm screaming, I'm panicking. I'm yelling. I'm crying like a baby. I'm just sobbing because I have no clue what's going on. I'm full of fear. And I don't know what it was, but he wasn't that successful. And whatever it was, he stopped. It was like all of a sudden, he stopped, told me to put my pants down. He pulled his pants up, and he got in the car. He put me in a car, and he got in a car and took me back. I don't know what scared him. I don't know if something was back there, if something spooked him or whatever it was. But he ended up taking me back to Warren Acres. And he takes me into Warnacres, and it's the same thing. He drops me off, goes in there like nothing happened. There was not a care in this guy's world about this. So he ends up dropping me off, they take me back. It's the same routine. You gotta strip, squat and cough and all that. And in between, then, I mean, I'm going to this New Jersey Youth Corps and everything. And this was it. I mean, I'm scared. I'm 16 years old. I have no clue what's going on in life. I'm here at New Jersey Youth Corps. I'm hanging out with all kinds of other different kids from different walks of life that are troubled. Some are just trying to get a GED because they don't want to go to school or whatever. But what happened was I ended up finding the first aid kit in a place, and I opened the first aid kit up, and it was full of, like, different pills. It could have been allergy pills. Whatever it was, I took pain relievers. I opened up everything they had in that first aid kit, and I took it all. And after I took it all, a girl that was in a program at Waterloo Village, New Jersey Youth Corps, she saw me do it. And when she saw me do it, she told one of the counselors of the program. And they ended up calling the police or the ambulance or whatever it was. But I know the ambulance came, and they ended up taking me to Hackettstown Hospital in Hackettstown, New Jersey. And they pumped my stomach. And after they pumped my stomach, they kept me in ICU for a couple days. And they made me drink this stuff. It was called epocap. It was the nastiest stuff in the world. It was like a charcoal to help make you throw up, too. And it was just something. There's a lot you don't forget with this. But that was one of them too. So with that, they had me in. I was in ICU for a couple days because they were worried, maybe because of the pills I took with my liver or something. Probation gets word of this, and next thing you know, I have to go back to court. I get taken back to court and the judge sentenced me to 30 days in a juvenile or adolescent psychiatric unit. A place in Boonton, Denville, New Jersey. It was called St. Clair's and it was a psychiatric unit for adolescents. So I get sent there and I'm there. I'm there for the 30 day. It was a crazy place. I mean, I was going through a lot of turmoil. I didn't. I was. It was tough. It was a tough play because, I don't know, I was scared and I wasn't suicidal. I didn't want to be part of what I was going through no more. I didn't know no other way at the time. And that was the only way I could do it was try to kill myself. I didn't even know if I was trying to kill myself. I don't know what I was doing with them pills, but I just. I couldn't be there anymore. So I ended up at St. Clair's and St. Clair's was. It was an okay play. I mean, it was a hospital. You were locked in. My mom was able to come visit me at, like, certain days of the week or whatever. She'd come. And I never told my mother about this stuff because I didn't know how my mother would be. And I mean, my mother. To me, she was my mother. I love her. I mean, I love her to this day. She's no longer around being. I miss her, but I loved her. And I always never understood a lot about my mother, and I still don't to this day is because, I don't know, like. Like I said, I had a sister. And in between that, like, my sister was always more in my mom's favorite than I was. And I still talk to my sister. And I love my sister. I mean, I really do. She's a good kid. But I don't know. My mom had a thing with men, you know, I don't know if something bad happened in her childhood. I don't know what it was. She just. And me being a male, I wasn't a favorite. I was whipping post sometime. But my mom would come there and visit me. And she was a tough mother to me. She would tell me, it's time you gotta start getting your shit right. You can't keep living like this, look what you're doing now. It was just stuff like that and man. But in between that stay at St. Clair, I mean, there were some bad days. Like I went off the deep end a couple times and there was a time I picked a chair up and I don't know what it was, I was starting to act out a lot verbally. I wasn't a physical person. I didn't get in a lot of fights. I wasn't that type of person. But I was acting out a lot. And there was argument in St. Clair's I forget what it was about, but I remember the one time I picked a chair up and I tried throwing it through the window. And I guess you're in a psychiatric unit then. Windows don't break. The chair fell down and they end up. They come and get you and they actually strap you to a bed. They take you to a private room, they strap you to a bed and they dose you up with this stuff. It was called Thorazine. You know, Thorazine is like a super dose of tranquilizer or something like that. I don't know what it was, but it took you somewhere else, you know, and as you're sitting in there and you're talking to kids and back then it was the 80, I mean it was totally different. You're allowed to smoke almost everywhere you went. And like a little cigarette lighter built into the wall. You put your cigarette. And I held the button and lit your cigarette. So you're in there with the other kids. You're smoking and talking and everybody's got their story, everybody's got their own stories. So I'm listening to these kids talk and they're telling me about this place because my time's coming up, my 30 days is almost up in that place and I'm getting scared. I don't know. I don't want to go back to where I came from. I mean, I don't want to go back because like I said, the last time I was. It got worse. I mean, the abuse was getting worse and it was escalating and I didn't want to go back where I was. And so these kids were talking about this other place you're able to go to. It was another place in New Jersey. It was in Bell Me, New Jersey. And it was a 90 day program they took you to. But you had to tell the counselor in St. Clair's that you had a drug addiction or you're an alcoholic. And I'm a 16 year old kid by now, I'm not really. I don't know a whole lot about alcoholism. I guess I grew up around it. There was alcoholism around my family with some of my neighbors, my mom's friends and stuff like that. Oh, and. But I don't know a lot about alcoholism. I don't know a lot about drugs. I know about weed, marijuana, and that was about it. And I'm listening to these kids, they're telling me stories. And one kid's like, yeah, I talked to the counselor. I told him, I like to take a lot of acid, and I see a lot of trails. And I'm like. And I think. I'm like, that's it, man. I'm going to tell this counselor that I do a lot of acid, you know, and I see trails. So I'm sitting with the counselor, and he's asking me. I'm like, yeah, I like to drink and stuff like that, but I really like acid, and I see a lot of trails. And he asked me about the trails, and I didn't realize what they were talking about. I mean, I honestly. I didn't know what they were talking about when they. Trails, like, trails we like. So I'm talking to the counselor. I'm like, yeah, when I take it, I see, like, a lot of hiking trails. And. And I don't know, it must have been, like an insurance grab or something, because they sent me there. They ended up, all right, you're qualified to go to the place in Belmead. I'm like, okay, cool. You know, I don't have to go back to Warren Acres or nothing. I'm out of that for now. So I get transported there. And this place in Bell Mead, it was called the Carrier Clinic, and it was a huge complex. I mean, they had different wings they had for adults, adolescents, but for a kid, it was like Club Med. You know, you got there, you're like, this is awesome, man. I'm away from where I came from. I'm in this place, and I gotta start taking medicine. They started dosing me up when I was in St. Clair's with. I forget what the name of the medicine is, so I gotta take this medicine. And they had a big gym in the place for the kids. You're hanging out, you're playing. There's a bunch of wings. Your wings were separated, but you're hanging out with girls. There was a swimming pool. They had a cafeteria, and they had, like, great food.
- [37:49]
Heather McDonald
Everything you could need.
- [37:50]
Chris Cook
Everything you could need. It was perfect, man. I was like, I don't have to go back they had, you know, you were able to go outside and walk around, but it was structured. I mean, you still had to get. They had, like, education. They had, like, a lot of counseling classes. They had a lot of game nights. And it did have some of its ups and downs. I mean, there was a lot of things. Like, there was a lot of tests. And I remember the one time I went, they took me for this test. They did like this shock test, shock therapy stuff to you, where they stick all the needles in your head and, you know, they strap you to the bed and they give you the shock therapy and. No, but at the time, I guess I was just a kid. It kind of outweighed the bad that I came from, and I didn't want to leave. And there was a time when I was in there, actually, because my father at the time would pop in and out of my life. He didn't pop in too often, but he would pop in and, like, my mom would meet him or whatever and take me to, like, a diner. We'd have lunch or something. He would talk to me, and he would always, like, bring your hopes up. Like, yeah, I'll bring you up to the house, tell you these stories, and they just never panned out. As a boy, you're just looking for your father. You're looking for that missing piece in your life, you know, I was really missing my father because, I don't know, I just was. I was looking for that. So the one time in carrier, I ended up calling him and I told him where I was, and he had that phone number. For some reason, I could always remember after I learned it, it was just a really easy number. And I think I know it to this day if it still worked, but it probably doesn't, but because he's gone now, too. And I remember calling him on the phone and telling him that I'm in rehab. And I remember him telling me. He said, that's just a cop out. And I hung up on him. And I didn't talk to him for a lot of years after that. You know, that really bothered me. But while I was in carrier, it was kind of neat. Like I said, it was kind of like an insurance grab, too, because you're able to comp money. You go like the. To the nurse's station and say you could comp like $2 a day or whatever it was. And by the time I walked out of there after 90 days, I had a stack of single. I mean, I had a lot of money. And I took advantage of that because they comped it and I guess charged your insurance company somehow.
- [40:04]
Heather McDonald
Okay.
- [40:04]
Chris Cook
And I ended up getting out of there and I was 16. And at that time, now I'm totally turning my life around. Not in a good, good way, but I wasn't going back to the way I was. I wasn't going back to that Warren Acres because I know just the last time I was there, what was happening, I wasn't gonna do it. And I ended up graduating from Philsburg High School. I got my high school diploma and it was cool. It was a cool, crazy time really. After carrier clinic and learned listening to stories with everybody, that's where I really learned more about drugs by listening to her stories and their, their comments with drinking and stuff. So I started hanging out with a different set of kids in high school. And like the other ones I hung out with before that, I kind of distanced myself. I mean, I still said hello to them or whatever, but I distanced myself from them. And I just started hanging out with a different crowd of kids and I ended up letting my hair grow long. And it was the end of the 80s and I just started hanging out with kids that played in bands and stuff like that. I want. I got into that lifestyle, hanging out with them and I made some friends and I just started palling around with them and. And we just did our thing like we did. I mean, I really learned how to drink and carry on and party and, you know, I started picking up girls and it was just like. I guess a lot of that was a coping skill too, because once I was able to start drinking, I totally put my past behind me. Now I was able to stuff it. I was able to take that secret I had and lock it deep in man. I wasn't going to let that out now because there was no way I was going to tell anybody what a guy made me do to him. Hello, juicy crime lovers. I'm Heather McDonald, host of Juicy Scoop, the number one longest running comedy interview podcast for over a decade. Well, now I'm bringing you some of the juiciest true crime episodes. We'll dive into the most outrageous crime tribes of passion, greed, deception and scandal. From cunning grifters to shocking betrayals. And yes, sometimes a love affair so twisted that someone ends up dead. Maybe even at the hands of their hot dentist. I'll be joined by a rotating panel of special guests, including my sister Shannon, a criminal defense attorney, along with police officers, detectives, and even my own husband, Peter, who's always ready to break down those infamous cases where a wife takes out her husband. So buckle up, because we're about to revisit classic Juicy Crimes and uncover the latest cases everyone is talking about. Subscribe to Juicy Crimes for free at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you're a fan of true crime horror or creepy encounters, you've got to listen to Disturbed True Horror Stories. Each episode shares the terrifying experiences of real people retold by professional actors. I bit down on his hand and he pulled back, but he pushed the knife a little harder against my sweatshirt.
- [43:05]
Heather McDonald
I began to hear the breathing and growling of what could only come from a monster.
- [43:09]
Chris Cook
Find Disturbed True Horror Stories wherever you enjoy your podcasts. What he did to me or anything like that, I wasn't telling nobody, and I didn't really tell nobody that I was in Warren Acres, all them times and all this stuff because I wasn't telling nobody. I was trying to lose that life. I didn't tell nobody about the psychiatric units or none of that because I didn't want people to think, like, wow, I mean, this guy's nuts. He tried killing himself or something. And I did everything I could do to put that behind me. I had a lot of fun with my buddies, man, and we were just. But I learned how to party. I learned how to have a good time. I learned how to, you name it, I did it, man. And things just kept going on. And there was a lot of crazy times in my life at that time, even from my late teens into my 20s. And in my 20s, I. You never knew what was going to happen to me when we went out partying or having a good time or anything like that. It was just nuts. But what I didn't realize, I was destroying myself because of that secret and the way I was living. And there was actually in the 20s, too. In my 20s, there was some suicide attempts. You know, just like all of a sudden I like, whatever would happen in my life, it would come crashing down and things would always, like, trigger me, I guess, in a little bit in my mind and bring up sort of what happened. I mean, I never really thought about it, the detail, you know, I never really thought about it to detail. But there were some times where I'd find a bottle of Tylenol and I decided to suck the whole bottle down. I don't know if it was just I didn't want to die at the time. I just know I didn't want to live the way I would maybe. I don't know. And with that, and a little behind that time and we were at the mall, and I saw the sheriff. And I remember that fear that came across me. It just. My heart sunk to my stomach again. And I actually left and I ran home and I was scared. I was actually afraid to go back to the mall for a little while. And I believe this was back in 1990, because shortly after that, it came across in the local newspaper. They arrested the sheriff. They ended up doing an undercover sting for him, and they ended up arresting the sheriff. And when they arrested him, he admitted doing it to eight, eight to 10 kids. I don't really know the number. I forget the number of kids, but he admitted doing to eight or 10 kids. And the only bad part about this was Sheriff Bullock of Warren county was no secret to Warren County. It turned out it was the biggest running joke in that courthouse. And people knew exactly what he was doing, but nobody stopped it. Nobody knew it. And they would always have talks. Like when his door was closed, they'd be like, well, he's in his office counseling a kid nickname. And they would joke about Owen. There were stories about when Sheriff Bullock was sitting in the back of the courtroom watching the kids get sentenced and stuff like that, because he used to sit in the back all the time. I didn't realize it because I never looked for that, but he used to sit in the back of the courtroom all the time and just watch. What kid learn about him? He was studying. My guests learned that they came from a single family home, and it was sort of a dysfunctional home, and there was no father figure. And they would all just sit there and joke about it. It was the biggest joke. You know, they would say, like, the sheriff would have, like, puppy dog eyes when he would see certain boys. Nobody stopped it. And with that, they all hit it. Everybody. I don't. They were all afraid of their job. I don't know what it was. But some people did talk about it, but they would be told. They were told to shut up and just let things alone or don't go there with this. People would try to report it. And the thing is, the guy that ran Warren Akers, he knew about it. He was told about it, you know, so it wasn't a secret. Oh, and with the guard that told me to shut up, I'm looking for attention. I don't know. Did he know about it? I think he did, but I don't know that for a fact. So when they set this undercover sting up for him, they put an undercover New Jersey state trooper in there. And I think it was all because somebody else heard about it and the guy wanted to be a sheriff, he wanted his position. And I think it was right after the election. They didn't do it during election time, they did it after election, something like that. And when they arrested him, he admitted to donate to eight or 10 kids, I forget what it was. And they sentenced him to a really small sentence in a different county, to a different jail. So he did a little time in a community county jail in Hunterdon County, New Jersey. And when he got out, it was basically, all right, here's your pension, here's all your retirement. We'll see you later. They didn't strip him or nothing. He ended up staying in New Jersey, lived from what I was told down in South Jersey. And he ended up living there until he died. It was crazy.
- [48:13]
Heather McDonald
Like a slap on the wrist.
- [48:14]
Chris Cook
Yeah, it was crazy. And so I'm in my 20s now. I started off after high school. I got a job, me and my buddies, we worked at a car dealership. And it was the greatest job in the world for us. I mean, you couldn't ask for a better job because we were just long haired partiers, just having a good time. We were able to smoke weed and drink beer and we washed cars at a car dealership. They gave us the keys to whatever car we wanted to drive and it was great. But then for some reason in my early 20s, I was like, I gotta come up with a career. I'm like, what am I gonna do? Like, I gotta do something in life. I can't. We can't wash cars and make the like. So I was sitting there thinking, I'm like, well, I could be an electrician. Because I was looking, I'm like, I could change light bulbs. I'm like, how hard could that be? So I ended up getting a job. I applied to this guy, he hired me as an electrician, like an apprentice. And a little later on in time, I developed a different part of my career. But the partying just got worse. The drugs, the drinking and the women. And I was using everything as a feel good to know I was looking. Whatever could make me feel good. It didn't matter what it was. It could have been a line of cocaine, it could have been whatever to booze women. I did whatever I could do just to make myself feel good. And it was just, I was a selfish person throughout that time. And it just kept going on throughout my 20s. And I moved in with a girl and it. That was dysfunctional. We ended up moving out and I ended up that's the one time I took the. An overdose and stuff like that when I was with her. And we ended up splitting apart. And I tried, maybe I'll get sober for a couple days. And it didn't work. And I ended up just keep going on and with work and into my 30s, it was just still chaotic and crazy. And I ended up meeting a woman in a bar out of all places. Right, because we didn't have dating apps back then. No, I'm just kidding. But. And it turned out to be pretty cool. We started hanging out, we started doing our thing and she had a daughter. We hung out for a while, and then all of a sudden she brought her daughter around and I asked her to move in with me. She ended up moving in with me. And long story short, she ended up becoming my wife. And at the time I thought, that's exactly what's going to settle me down. I'm going to get married. She has a kid. See, I never wanted to have a kid. And that's one of my biggest regrets. People always tell you no regrets, and you can't have regrets in life, but that's one of my biggest regrets in life. I never had my own child. And the reason I didn't want to have my own child, I didn't want a kid to have to go through what I went through. It was a shitty time. I mean, I had a real shitty time in life and I didn't want to do that to a kid. But I met her and she had a wonderful daughter and I asked her to marry me. She married me and I became a stepfather. It was like a package deal, I guess. And the only thing is, I didn't change, you know, I was still running and gunning, man. I was out partying. There was days I wouldn't come home, I would disappear. I would just totally worry her. And I just really put her through the gamut of shit for no reason. But it was just because of the way I was. And like I said, I had a good job, but I couldn't get my together with that either because I'd have a job and my alcoholism and stuff would ruin it. Like, I'd end up getting laid off. Then I get another job and make money and I would get laid off. I couldn't. I was employable, but I wasn't employable because of my alcoholism. And this just kept carrying on all through our marriage up into my. You know, I ended up 40 years old, but even into my early 40s, I started living to where I kind of pushed all my friends away. Now, you know, I had my wife and everything, but I pushed all my good friends away. And I hung out all the time. I drank alone. I'd work, but I would drink alone a lot, more than anything. And I became a really heavy alcoholic. I was heavier. I was bloated. You know, it was just. I just couldn't. I couldn't function in life. And then when I was 41, for some reason, I don't know what it was, I think I was. I really think I was done running. I was really done running. And I remember we were at a party at one of our neighbor's house. We had this really cool place where we lived. We lived along the Delaware River. It was a nice little party community, and we still have a lot of good friends down there and everything. But we were at this one party. It was February. It was for the Daytona 500. My one neighbor always had a party for it. And I was drinking. I was probably heavily drunk. But I said to my one neighbor, Jen, I said to her, I said, listen, I said, I'm going to rehab. And she kind of chuckled at me. She said, yeah, right. And she just kept going on. And mind you, before that, Even throughout my 20s and 30s, I was in numerous detoxes and rehabs. And actually there was a couple times in my 30s, I was in. I did a couple states in psychiatric units. Man, I had some real dark days, you know, back in my 30s. It was. It was bad. Like the alcohol was controlling me, and it was just doing everything it could do to ruin my life. And I let it, too, because just the way I was and the way I was living. But the one time we were at. I was at the house, I was in my garage and I was in there, I was drunk. I was eating a bunch of pain pills because I hurt my knee. And back then, they gave you pain pills like they were Tic Tacs. They didn't care. They just gave you Vicodins or whatever. It was like nothing. I mean, I was eating a handful of pain pills and I was completely drunk. And for some reason, I figured now would be a good time, because
- [53:51]
Heather McDonald
a
- [53:51]
Chris Cook
few days before that, I ended up at this bar. I was hanging out at this one biker bar in Pennsylvania, and I ended up buying this.38 special off this one biker. It was a little handgun and a handful of shells. So I paid 100 bucks for that. So I ended up taking it home. It was in my toolbox for a couple days, and I knew exactly what I wanted it for. I really did. I knew what I wanted for because it was just coming. Everything was coming to an end with me. I just couldn't handle the way I was living because it was hard. I mean, I was just a complete scumbag. And so I'm sitting in the garage that night, and I'm like, this is it. Now's the time. It's not like I. I don't think I wanted to die, but I couldn't live anymore. So I was in the garage. So I pull out, I opened the toolbox, I pulled the gun out. And I know the gun shoots because after I got it from him, I took it down to the train tracks by the one place we lived, and I shot it. And I know it shot. So I ended up bringing it back home. I put in, but I ended up getting it out. And I was sitting there, and I'm like, this is Alan. I had this little rolling chair. I'm sitting in the chair and I take the gun and I put it in my mouth and I. It's loaded. All the shells are in there in a cylinder. And I pulled the trigger, and the gun clicked. The gun misfired. It didn't shoot. And I was like, you got to be kidding me. And I kind of panicked. I kind of lost it. Like, this really happened. Like, I didn't think of no divine intervention or nothing like that. I was like, I didn't know what happened. So I ended up putting a gun back in the toolbox and I took off and I was gone for a while. My wife couldn't find me or nothing. She didn't know I was in the garage and I was going to do that. She had no idea. And she ended up calling a friend of mine. And this guy was a great friend of mine for quite a long time, and he still is, and he was an aa. And she ended up calling him. He came over basically after I came home or they found me or whatever it was. And he asked me, he said, you want to go to rehab or do you want to go to detox? I said, yeah. So he took me to detox, and he dropped me off and left me there. And they put me in, like, the rehab psychiatric unit of it for. I was there a couple days. And I remember the one lady in there, she said to me, she said. She said, you're never going to make it out there, you know? I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm going to be sober. I'm going to stay sober. So they sent Me, I think I went to a different rehab for like a week after that. I ended up going home and I might have stayed sober a good few days. And that was it. I just went back to the way I was, you know, I was back to drinking, running, doing everything I was doing. And I put that little thing behind me and it was the same thing. It came back. And every time it would come back, something would trigger me like that. I couldn't do this no more. I couldn't live like this no more. I don't know really know what it was. I don't know if it was something from my past or whatever, but something would always trigger me because I would remember, like, I can't live like this, man. I can't keep living like this. So I was in my garage again, the one time, and I get up there and I get a ladder out. I go up, I measure a board. Now I'm up there, I measured a board, I cut it, I go up there, nail it up there. I go up, take the rope up with me, I tie the rope around the board. I tied a rope around my neck and I'm up there and I kick the ladder out and the ladder falls. As the ladder falls, I fall, the board breaks, I hit the ground. And no sooner I hit the ground, a friend of mine walked in the door and he's an on duty cop, he was on duty, he happened to walk in the door. I'm on the ground with the rope around my neck. He's like, chris, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing, you know, don't worry about it. He said, no, what are you doing? And I'm like, no. I'm kind of maybe arguing with him a little bit. And he's like, you know, you're coming with me. I'm like, I'm not going nowhere with you. He said, you don't understand. You don't have a choice. You're coming with me. Oh. And I'm like. So he ended up taking me to a local hospital. And he brings me in there and they put me in a room. It was basically, I guess, the rubber room or whatever. I mean, they lock you in there and, you know. So there was a second suicide attempt. Like they both failed. And I don't know if it was divine intervention or nothing, whatever that was, or if it, if it was God or whatever. I mean, I still have a hard time believing that something helped me, something helped me. So they ended up sending me to this psychiatric unit and it was a real deal. Psychiatric unit, man. I went in there, I was scared to death, man, because these people are. They're walking around, they're talking to themselves, and I'm like, you got to be kidding me. I don't belong in here. And I'm telling the one nurse, I'm like, I don't belong in here. She's like, oh, yes, you do. I'm like, no, I don't. I was able to convince them to where? He sent me to a different unit in the same facility where it was basically like a dual diagnosis place again, where you could. It was a psychiatric unit and an addiction center. And I might have been in there a week or two again, whatever that was. And I get out, and I was probably able to stay sober again for maybe a week. I did try AA for a little bit after I walked, got out of there, but it didn't last long at all. Now, like I said, it went through. I finished out my 30s like that, and now we're in my 40s, and it was crazy. And now I'm talking about going back to rehab. I ended up telling my wife, I'm like, I want to go to rehab. And she's like, basically the same thing. Like, yeah, right. We've been down this road before now. So she didn't have a lot of faith in me either. And I was on a job site the one day, and I called my insurance company up. I'm like, listen, I want to go to rehab. And I told him I'm an alcoholic. And they gave me a list of numbers, and I got home that night, and I'm calling the numbers, and I would call the number, and I'm like, they would answer the phone. I'm like. And I didn't like the way they answered the phone, so I didn't go there. I'm like, I'm not going there. And I ended up calling this one place, and it was. And they answered the phone, and I got talking to a lady, and I said, I got your name for my insurance company and everything. And I said, I'd like to check in to rehab. And she's like, okay. You know, she said, when do you plan on coming tonight? I said, no. And like, I said, this was February 2014. And she said, when are you planning on coming tonight? I said, no. She said, tomorrow. I said, no. She said, well, when you plan on coming? I said, how about two weeks? And I think to this day, I'm still probably the only person in history that made any type of reservation for this rehab. But she told me, she said, in between this two weeks, she said, promise me one thing. Promise me you won't stop drinking on your own. I'm like, all right, that's easy, man. I could do that. So I just kept drinking for that two weeks. And the date I made to go into that rehab was March 1, 2014. It was a Saturday. And the reason I did that was because I told work I was planning a vacation. Like it was a short notice vacation and I was going to be gone a week, you know, because I thought when you went to rehab, it was only a week. So March 1st comes as a Saturday. My wife and my daughter take me up to the rehab and we're on our way to the rehab and we're part way there. And this rehab, it wasn't far. It was a little over an hour or something. It was up in. On the other side of Scranton, Pennsylvania. It was in Waverly, Pennsylvania. And we're almost there. And I'm like, you know what? I don't want to go. I'm going to change my mind. And she's like, you're going to. I'm like, I think I could do it, though, without this. She said, no, you're going. So we go there and it's a beautiful place. It was a beautiful treatment. I mean, it really was. The property was nice. And we get there, we park, we go in, and I do the register thing. My wife's there, my daughter's there with me. And. And I didn't notice one part about it until after rehab was after they got in the car and everything, my wife ended up finally breaking down. And my daughter told me, told her, and mind you, she's 18 now, my daughter's 18 now. And she said to my wife, she said, he's in the place he needs to be. And that's crazy, but I tear up about that one. Huh? But they ended up taking me back to the detox unit. And your summer runs just got a boost of energy in Lululemon's Shake it out shorts. Made in our ultra breezy, lightweight Swift fabric, the Shake it out shorts have a flowy layered hem and a comfy built in liner. These shorts keep you locked in for miles with distraction, free storage, and a waistband that doesn't budge. They might just be the shortcut to your summer goals. Shop the Shake It out shorts now@lululemon.com if you're a fan of true crime, horror or creepy encounters, you've got to listen to disturbed True Horror Stories. Each episode shares the Terrifying experiences of real people retold by professional actors. I bit down on his hand and he pulled back, but he pushed the knife a little harder against my sweatshirt.
- [62:43]
Heather McDonald
I began to hear the breathing and growling of what could only come from a monster.
- [62:47]
Chris Cook
Find disturbed True Horror stories wherever you enjoy your podcasts. I never realized alcohol. How strong it was and what it could do to you, no other didn't make you drunk. And my health was really failing at that time, and I was really heavier. I was bloated. I went in, I had a big, bushy beard. My hair was bushy, scraggly, and a mess. And I kind of didn't give a shit about life no more. I mean, I really didn't. I was in that detox unit and at rehab for a week, and it was a hard week. And like I said, when I was detoxing, it was brutal. The shakes, it was bad. It was bad. I mean, my alcohol was so bad. I mean, I didn't realize that it wasn't normal the way I was living, because the way I was living before that, like, I had it all planned out to where I could sit down and I could, hey, you know what? I knew when I could start drinking and when to quit drinking for work. Like, I could polish off almost a case of beer every night. If I started this time. And I went to bed at this time, and I really didn't go to bed, I guess I basically passed out. So I'd wake up in the middle of the night with the jitters, not feeling good. And I learned how to slam nyquil in the middle of the night. I would take a bunch of big gulps of NyQuil just to help me fall back to sleep. Then I'd wake up in the morning not feeling good and getting ready for work. I learned, all right, let me start drinking the Listerine in the morning. So I started drinking the Listerine, thinking maybe it would help. I don't know if it did or not. Help take a little jitters away. And every morning I would, like, dry heave and throw up bile and everything. I was just. My health was failing. And so it's really shown in that detox now because, you know, I'm going through the withdrawals of alcohol. I'm totally. They don't give you nothing for it because this was, like, a real deal. D Detox, man. They didn't give you nothing to help you. My stomach's a mess. I couldn't eat. I had stomach pains all the time. I remember them taking me back and doing My blood pressure, and they would check you and everything. And my blood pressure for quite a long time, probably basically for a couple days, was running to 100 over 180. They couldn't get it down. They were really worried I was going to stroke. And days went on, things started getting better. I mean, I wasn't still eating that good. I mean, I really couldn't eat well the whole time I was there. I really didn't eat well. But I made it through the detox part. And they take it to the next step where you're in, like, the regular rooms with everybody. And I met. I did. When I was in detox, I had a counselor come in. She just touched base, you know, she popped in. And after I left a detox, she came and I met with her now. And she would ask you. I think it was basically generic checklist questions for a rehab or whatever it was. But she asked me the one question. She said, were you ever sexually abused in your life? And I told her yes. And that was the first person since that person I told. When I was in Warren Acres, I was sexually abused. And that's where it all started. At 42, I finally was able to admit it. Now, I don't know how I was able to admit it. And I think that's one of the reasons why I wanted to go to rehab. I think I was done running without knowing I was done running. And nothing. She didn't take nothing of it. She didn't ask a whole lot of questions at that time. Now, so we go. She's. They select the programs for you and everything and what groups you should be in, I guess. And the days went on like we ended up talking about it. And she talked to me more a little bit the next day or whatever it was about it. And I told her, I said, I was sexually abused by the sheriff of Warren County, N.J. and she asked me the questions. And she was a fantastic person. I don't know what made me tell her. I mean, she just had that. It was something about her. She had that compassion. She was such a wonderful person, man, I'll never forget. Her name was Melissa. And, I mean, I finally was able to do it. I stayed 21 days in this rehab, and I didn't realize it was that. I thought you only went to rehab for a week. So. So in between, I had to call my employer and I really told them. I didn't tell him a story about no abuse, but I said, listen, I want to tell you the truth. I checked into a rehab And I'll be out when I. When they let me out. And the guy was like, that's cool, man. He's. He said everything. Everybody goes through stuff in life. He said, do your thing. You'll have a job when you get back. And it's construction. It's. You never know if you're gonna have a job. I was going through all the motions and doing whatever I had to do, man. I was trying to take this. It was hard to take it serious because I didn't feel good, but I know I wanted to take it serious. Like I said on the way to rehab, I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to go. I told her to turn around. When I was in rehab, there's a lot of phone calls, like, hey, Michelle, you come pick me up? Melissa said I. I could go home early. So she's like, all right, cool. And probably about five minutes or whatever later, my counselor walks by me, said, hey, don't, by the way, Michelle's not coming for you. I just talked to her. So they had, like. I thought they had something worked out together, but it was a tough thing. And rehab sucked. There's a lot of different personalities. I had to meet a couple good people in there, but I was probably that person. If you're in rehab, if they could vote most likely to not succeed, it would have been me because I was just quiet. I didn't bother with a lot of people. I kept on myself. I didn't, you know, I tried just to get through it. And after that three weeks of rehab, I came out and I white knuckled it. I jumped headfirst into the aa. I listened to them. Oh, but when I walk going back to it. When I was walking out of rehab the last day I was there, Melissa came up to me, my therapist. She said, chris, could you promise me one thing? I said, what's that? She said, can you promise me what you admitted to me about the abuse? I said, I promise you. And to this day, 12 years x amount of months later, it's probably been one of the longest promises I ever kept in my entire life. And I'm more than grateful for her too. And I wish I've always tried to look her up and find her, and she's not there no more. And like, you didn't know a whole lot about him. So I couldn't find her. But I'd love to find her one day and be able to tell her, like, look, check out what I've done. You know, I'm getting through this. But the three weeks goes by, I come out, I go to rehab, I go to the AA meetings, and I'm white knuckling. I met some good people in aa. I got some still some good friends in AA and I talked to them, but I'm white knuckling it. And I ended up going to a therapist. I ended meeting a great therapist I worked with all the way up until, like, Covet, you know. But I'm dealing with her. And she was great because she never pulled it out. You know, she let me work up to it the way I wanted to work up to it about the abuse. But the one time I'm sitting outside the house, it's summertime, and like I said, we lived along the Delaware. We had a beautiful yard, and it went right to the river. And I'm sitting there at the one picnic table we had down there, and I'm reading a newspaper. And I'm reading. I'm like, you got to be freaking kidding me, man. Like, here's the sheriff's name in the paper. Sheriff Ed Bullock's names in the paper. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. And I'm reading it, and here he's starting to go through a trial because somebody was able to bring it up. Like, hey, this guy did this to me. This guy did this to me when I was a kid, and that guy was able to bring it to trial. So I'm reading an article and like, I'm newly sober, so I rip my shirt open because they tell you not to do this, because all of a sudden you think you could take on the world. So I got the Superman s under the shirt, and I ripped my shirt open. I'm like, you know, I'm going to call this lawyer in the paper, and I'm going to go to trial, and I'm going to help put this guy to jail. And I called a lawyer in the paper. His name was Brad Russo, and he's still a friend of mine this day. And his secretary answered the phone and I said, can I speak to Brad? And she said, can I ask who's calling? I said, no. She said, can I ask us what this is about? I said, bullock. And she said, hold on. And she put me in touch with him. And Brad wanted me to come in and meet him. He said, hey, when can you come in and meet me? I said, I'm not going to come in and meet you unless it's after hours. Because his office was in Phillipsburg, New Jersey. And I knew a Lot of people in that town. I still know a lot of people in that town. I know a lot then. And I didn't want nobody to see me walk into a lawyer's office because I didn't know. I figured if I did that, people would know because I still was keeping a secret really tight to my chest. I wasn't telling nobody except Melissa. By then, my wife finally knew. She didn't know the whole time through our marriage that this happened to me. You know, she had no idea what happened to me as a kid. And I ended up going in to meet Brad, and we sit down, and Brad was the first person I told almost my whole story to because he needed the information and details. And it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do at that time. And I had to tell him details with the abuse, and I didn't give him all of it at the time. A little more came out later, and. Oh, and he ended up telling me he's going to try and set me up with a detective for Warren County, New Jersey's SVU department. And I never knew SVU was like a real thing. I thought it was just a TV show. But I ended up meeting this. They ended up calling me, and they set up a time, and it was actually the Warren county prosecutors that had this division, and they set up a time. They asked me what time was good, and I said, I can't do it until after hours. I'm not going to do it when nobody else is in the office or whatever, because I didn't know what I had to do. And so they said that was fine because I actually knew some detectives in that prosecutor's office at that time, and I didn't want to walk in there. And people know what I'm going there for because I'm still hiding a secret. So I go in there and it's the same. It's. He sets a camera up, and he was a really great man. If I walked into him this day, I wouldn't know who he was, because I really don't even know what I told him. I mean, I blanked out on that. I mean, I don't remember that. But they set the camera up, they set a microphone on you and they record you. And so it might have been an hour and a half interview with him or whatever it was. Hour and a half, two hours. And I finish up, I go home, and it's the same thing. Like, same thing, like you're sick to your stomach. Like, I remember telling Brad, I finally disclosed My story. And I was so sick. I mean, I felt like I had the flu. Your body ached. You're so sick, man. Your body's worn down. You're beat up. You know, you're a mess. Your face hurts from crying and telling this and talking about this. And it was the same thing with the detective. You know, I just forget what I told him, how I told him, and. But I remember feeling like garbage. Like you felt worn out. Everything was taken out of you. So I finished that, and a little bit of time goes by, and Brad Russo ends up calling me up. He's like, listen. He said, you missed the statue of limitations to do anything. Somehow the other victim was able to get on it, but I was able to. I missed it. And he said, but what we are doing. Because I wasn't the only one. That victim wasn't another one. The only one. There was more. And he was telling me about, like, the civil suit they were doing against Warren County. And I'm like, I didn't know what a civil suit really was. And that was something I never thought I'd get into in my life. And I ended up setting up another meeting with him, and I went to his office, I brought my wife, and he told me what it was about. And I figured it would have been something, you know, like, all right, man, they just need to find my information out. It'll be over, you know? So I remember sitting there with him. My wife sat with me with him, and he had me sign some paperwork. And I remember walking out, and I said to her, I said, I feel like I signed a deal with the devil. But it turned out like they weren't the devil. The county turned out to be the devil because we ended up fighting Warren county for close to 10 years.
- [74:39]
Heather McDonald
Wow.
- [74:41]
Chris Cook
It took almost 10 years for me. It took the first victim 10 years. And there's victims behind me, Right? And Warren County, New Jersey, had the worst, most scummiest attorney they could ever handle this for anything like this. I don't know how anybody could put anybody in charge of, like, victims of sexual abuse, childhood sexual abuse. Like this guy. This guy was the biggest asshole. I mean, he did everything he could do in that 10 years to make your life difficult.
- [75:08]
Heather McDonald
Right?
- [75:08]
Chris Cook
It was horrible. I mean, it took a long time. It was brutal. It was brutal with the courts at. Towards the end, even more, halfway through, it was brutal with the courts. And this whole time, I had to go through all these motions. I had a meet with a forensic psychiatrist. They both sides, like, our side, had to get one and their side had to get one. And I had. Mine was up in Rhode Island, New Jersey. I had to go up there for a weekend. I met with her for an entire weekend. It wasn't just an hour. I mean, it was for entire weekend. She met with my wife after she went with me and asked her questions. And. And then after that I ended up having to go to their forensic psychiatrist. And I remember that it was, the date was October 31st. I had to go there and it was a really bad day. It was raining, it was pouring. And my attorneys were telling me up to that before that point came, they're like, listen, this guy works for the county. They're hiring them, they're paying them. He's going to tell them what the county wants to know. He's not going to believe anything you tell them. You know, I'm like, whatever, man, just send me to her because I don't want to do this. I didn't want to do it. I was so deviant, defiant with this whole case port a lot of it. I'm like, get me up there and let me just get it over with. So I drove up, it was pouring down rain. I mean, you had to go through the parkway in New Jersey. It was a mess. So I end up getting to this guy's office, I meet with him, I sit down. And he was one of these TV show type doctors that would go on like news channels and do like his opinion on certain things with psychiatric stuff, I guess. And he was like a trendy type looking guy. He wore like the color rimmed glasses and the funny looking suit. And so I get in there and sit with him and he's asking me questions and stuff. And we're going through it and I might have been there about three and a half hours with him, four hours. And we leave and I get in my car and the only reason I know this date, because it was my daughter's, youngest daughter's, she was born that day. My one granddaughter was born that day. October. She's a Halloween baby. But I remember calling Brad and Jeff up and telling him. I'm like, listen, I'm done. They're like, you're done already? I'm like, that's impossible. He said, you got to go back tomorrow. I'm like, no. He said, that takes hours. I said, well, I was there. He said, it takes a lot more than that. So I'm like, no, this guy turned out to be a pretty cool dude. And we're talking about all kinds of Stuff. I mean, I know where. He told me where he went to college. You know, he was stationed in the army in Germany. So we get through this and they're like, chris, remember, he's not going to tell the courts that stuff. I'm like, whatever. Let's see what he says. So a week or two, whatever goes by, and I get a phone call from Brad. He's like, listen. He said, you're not going to believe this. I said, what's that? He said, they fired that doctor. I'm like, what do you mean they fired that doctor? They fired him because he believed everything you told him. I said, why wouldn't he? I said, I'm not gonna lie, man. This is my life.
- [78:09]
Heather McDonald
Right?
- [78:10]
Chris Cook
So Warren county ended up firing him. And the judge is like, you're done. You had one shot. You're done. I mean, that poor guy, too, that doctor, he had to take him to get a lawyer to get his money. They wouldn't pay.
- [78:20]
Heather McDonald
Horrible.
- [78:21]
Chris Cook
But. And that's the way it was. It was just barbaric antics they would do to everybody. I mean, the depositions. I went to four days of depositions, and it was the most horrible four days you could do. And I've never been to a deposition before. But the attorney on that side was just a scummy deviant, just a nasty guy. I don't think he had a really clue in life much of a clue. But the depositions were tough. The depositions were definitely tough. He did everything he could do to drag you through the money. He did everything he could do to re victimize you. It sucked. It sucked all the way around. It was days in and days out. Crying. It was supposed to be four days straight. Mine only lasted three days at that office. Because on day three, I ended up taking the microphone off. And I stood up and he's like, well, where are you going? It was me. My lawyer sat behind me. It was him. Another attorney from Warren county, which to this day, I can't believe that guy was a lawyer if you saw him. But I guess all you got to do is pass school.
- [79:25]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [79:27]
Chris Cook
And there was a court person there that was typing on that thing. And there's a video guy. And it was us in the room. It was a small room, too. And I get up from the table, I take the microphone back off. He's like, well, where are you going? I said, I'm coming around the table right now. I'm going to kick the out of you. Because he was just so barbaric with his question. He was doing everything he could do to discredit you. They were. They did everything they could do to make it hard. And this is where the guy doesn't have no clue in his life. Like, I was going there, I was going to beat the hell out of him. And my attorney ends up grabbing me. Jeff ends up grabbing me and dragging me back. And so I ended up leaving the room. Like, this guy had no. He had no clue it was really gonna happen, man. Like, that's how clueless he is. But I'm. Jeff gets me downstairs, and you could hear them arguing up there. And he's yelling. He's like. He threatened officers of court and all this. So he said, I'm calling the judge. We're not doing the deposit. Like, about the deposition. So it turned out it was pretty good thing that he did call the judge, because I didn't have to finish my deposition like that. The judge said, you know what? I'm done with this. He said, I'm done with you guys. Not us, but the other side. You guys are going to do it in my office in front of me. So we did it in front of a judge. He was a special master, they called it. Because the court systems are so busy, they hired a retired judge to handle some of this stuff, like with the motions, because they filed endless motions to the court to just keep delaying everything. So the judge is like, you're done. You're doing it in my office. So we ended up doing it in his office, and it was probably the best deposition ever because, like, the lawyer would ask a question, he'd be like, now he answered that. We're not gonna ask another one. It turned out to be like an hour and a half instead of a whole day.
- [81:13]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [81:14]
Chris Cook
And so that helped the next victim behind me, too. He didn't have to do it in an office environment like that.
- [81:19]
Heather McDonald
Okay.
- [81:19]
Chris Cook
So I was able to help him with that as well by. With that stupid ass lawyer. And so a little more time goes through, and all of a sudden, Jeff and Brad call me up and they're like, listen, the first victim's going to trial. And this is nine years. Nine years afterwards, after it all started. So this is the first nine years of my sobriety. I don't know how I stayed sober that long and had a great therapist. I did everything I could possibly do. Covet happened. It slowed a little bit down, but the court started back up after Covid. So the first victim went to trial. They're like, listen, we need you to testify in a trial. I'm like, there's no way I'm testifying in a trial, man. You're not going to get me in a courtroom. And, like, it's important. You got to go in there and testify. I mean, I'm scared to death. I'm sick to my stomach. And my day comes, and I remember sitting outside that courtroom, and I'm scared. I'm sitting on the floor of the courtroom. I'm sitting off. And it's a whole different courthouse. They took it to a different county, okay, because they weren't going to try it in Warren County. They took it to Somerset. And I remember sitting in that hallway on the floor, basically under a bench. It was off to the side. Nobody could see me. And my attorney's paralegal, she was sitting there with me on the floor, and I was crying. I was scared. I was sick to my stomach. I was bawling like a baby. And she sat with me on the floor the whole entire time. And she told me. She said, chris, you're going to get through this. She said, I promise you, you're going to get through it. You know? And it was awesome. That meant the world to me. When she sat there with me and told me that stuff, you know, I just. I needed somebody. I just needed somebody. And so they ended up calling me in, and you had to walk through. And the one thing with this case was the press was really involved in it at the end, and they were recording the court case when in the room. But they couldn't use our faces because we were. It happened to us when we were adolescents. So still sealed. And they couldn't use our names. They could just use our initials. But the one thing I asked for, I'm like, I don't want a court video camera in there. I don't want them recording my voice because I don't want nobody to know, because I'm still holding it. I'm not telling nobody. I'm holding it tight to my chest, you know, Some people know. Not a lot of people knew. And they call me and I walk through. I mean, you had to walk. There's people on both sides. The attorneys. My attorneys were on that side. And there was a jury. I'm scared. I never. I haven't been in a courtroom since I was a kid. And they walk you around. You got to do whatever you got to do, Swear with your hand on the Bible. And I'm sitting there, I just feel mush. But they're asking me the questions. And I remember during the depositions, that attorney said to me, he said, you got to remember one thing because the guy was an asshole. And he said, when you're in front of a judge, you're never going to be able to talk to me the way you're talking to me in this deposition. Looking to strengthen your health and well being? Tune in to the Dr. Tina show, one of Apple podcasts top alternative health shows. I'm Dr. Tina Moore, naturopathic physician and chiropractor and I cover topics like metabolic health, chronic diseases, pain management and more with expert interviews and solo episodes. I keep it no nonsense with a science backed approach to empower you to improve your health and resilience. New episodes every Thursday. Produced by Drake Peterson and Wellness Loud. If you're a fan of true crime, horror or creepy encounters, you've got to listen to Disturbed True Horror Stories. Each episode shares the terrifying experiences of real people retold by professional actors. I bit down on his hand and he pulled back, but he pushed the knife a little harder against my sweatshirt.
- [84:59]
Heather McDonald
I began to hear the breathing and growling of what could only come from a monster.
- [85:03]
Chris Cook
Find Disturbed True Horror Horror Stories wherever you enjoy your podcasts. And I'm like, whatever. I didn't think I'd make it in front of a judge. So I'm in front of the judge and you know what? I got to say a few things to him during a testimony. But I was still. I was sick, I was nervous, my voice was trembling, I was scared. And I just wanted it over. You know, I wanted to get out of that courtroom, but I had to do my testimony. And when it was over, I left. It took me a little while to settle down, to get in the car, to drive home because I drove myself and I was able to get home. And it might have been a couple weeks later that case settled. It was. That case ended. And it was really cool because the jury waited for my attorneys to come out after the court case and they sat there waiting for my attorneys and they didn't get to do a jury thing. Warren county finally said, we're in trouble. Let's settle this. So they're able to settle with the first victim. And when my attorneys came out, the press was there. It was crazy. They hugged my lawyers. My one lawyer was, he was crying because he was like, my whole career I'd never had this happen to me. A jury waiting for me. And the jury did like an interview with the news and they were like, listen, we believe you guys. We believe cc. Like, it was the first time I heard somebody Say they believed me. Yeah, because like, when I was a kid, that person said he didn't shut up. I'm just looking for attention. I wasn't telling nobody. Nobody believed me, I thought. But now I got somebody saying, we believe CC. Oh. And so it took almost probably 10 months or so for my next step with the courts. And mine didn't go to trial. We ended up going a mediator. We ended up going to a retired judge and down in Seashore, New Jersey. And he was a well respected judge and he mediated things like this, come up with terms and stuff. And we're in there and they're doing their thing. And all of a sudden, like, everything came to where we were done. Everything was negotiated, everything was done. And all of a sudden it was over. But during that whole thing, like, the attorney that was representing Warren county during that mediation, they ended up kicking this guy out of the room. They didn't want him in there mediating with those with them anymore. They're like, you got us. It's this far. You're out, man. We don't want you in here. So they kicked that attorney out of the room. And after it was over, I stand up, I'm just hanging out because we were separate. We were in separate rooms and everything. My attorneys, Jeff and Brad and myself and their team of people. But I'm watching that attorney and I'm watching him walk out the door. He's got his briefcase in his hand. He's done, you know, his day's over. So I hurried up. Nobody saw him, Nobody knew what I was doing. So I got behind him right away. And as he opened the door, he walked out the door, he looked back and he saw it was me. And I said to him his name. I said, hey, can I just say one thing? And he looked at me like. And it was funny the way he said it too. He's like, yeah, what's that like? Oh, it's like. Like we're friends now or something. I said, go fuck yourself. You're the biggest douchebag I ever met. And I just watched his shoulders sink. And I didn't realize there were some people on his team there. And I didn't realize there was people there. I really didn't. I thought it was just me and him and they all loved him. And that's the type of guy this was. They were happy because he was just such a right. He was diabolical. It was no good.
- [88:36]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [88:37]
Chris Cook
But it's over now. Like, for almost 10 years, I've been fighting Warren County. Since my sobriety started, it's 10 years. I'm like, what do I do now? My therapist retired. I didn't have her no more. I'm lost. I mean, I'm totally lost, you know? I'm like, what do I do? And I'm like, I just started going through the motions. It took a little time. Now I just went back to work and I did my thing, and I tried finding a new therapist. And really, they're hard right now. Find a therapist are hard. I mean, I'm still sort of looking for one. I'm just the right one, right? I mean, I met with some. I remember meeting with one. And you're sitting with her and talking to her, and you're telling her your story. And she looks at me and she's like, wow, that really sucks. I'm like, you're kidding me, right?
- [89:25]
Heather McDonald
No shit. That's why I'm here.
- [89:26]
Chris Cook
And I'm doing everything I can because I don't want to go back to where I was. I mean, I do everything to keep everything green. I'm not very productive in aa. I'm not. I go. I pop in and say hello to my friends and stuff. But I know I'm alcoholic. I don't. I know I don't want to go back to where I was, but I'm still holding this secret, you know, it's still tight to me. And people know, but a lot of people don't know. I'm like, what do I do? And then I was online one day on Facebook, and I looked. I'm like, wait a minute. And I started following this one guy back in 21, and he went through child sexual abuse. And his abuser was from Sussex County, New Jersey. And his abuser was the lieutenant of the sheriff's department in Sussex County, New Jersey, and he worked at the Sussex County Jail and everything. And I'm following this guy's story, and I'm like, this guy's the most amazing guy in the world. I'm watching it. I'm like, this is like. And I'm find out that he's speaking in North Jersey, and it really isn't far from where I live. We live in Pennsylvania now, but. And I commute that for work a lot of times. And I said to my wife, and I said, you want to go see him? Like. And I reached out to. I'm like, hey, I'm going to come. I sent him a message on messenger. He's like, all right, awesome. He said, I'd love to See you. Meet you, you know, because I would talk to him through messenger. 30 years. Like, just questions like, thank you. Just basic stuff. It wasn't a lot. And his name's Clark Fredericks. And Clark's been, for the past couple years, a big rock for me, man. Somebody helped me get through and get me to where I am to be able to talk about this. And we end up going up there, and it's the same thing because we're almost there. And I say to my wife, I said, you know what? I'm not gonna go. Let's just turn around and go home. I don't feel like going. And she's like, we're going. We're here. Oh, I'm like. Because I'm good at running. I'm good at running from things in my life.
- [91:27]
Heather McDonald
More comfortable.
- [91:28]
Chris Cook
Yeah. It's easier to run than face things for me. And we end up going up there. And it was kind of a weird. It was a different kind of atmosphere, but he got to speak. I got to sit in a chair. Me and my wife sat in a chair. And I'm watching Clark speak as he's talking about his abuse. I'm crying. And it just resonated so much with me. It was there. And, like, I know what it was like. I mean, I know what it was like because it's scary. I mean, it's scary to have to do that stuff as a kid, to go through that stuff. And we never met face to face, so he didn't really know who I was. I go up to him, I shake his hand. I introduce myself. He shakes my hand, gives that hug, and he's like, it's good to meet you, and everything like that. And we get talking, and Clark does this coaching program. Oh, and the cool part about coaching, when you're working with somebody like that, it's a little different now. It's like therapy takes you back through your past. Like, working with the coach. It takes you from now. Let's see where we're going to go and where we're going to go. Could be handling a win. It's been, you know, so I'm like, all right. I said, we'll talk about it afterwards. And he came. We ended up talking through messenger. Then he gave me his number. We ended up talking, and we ended up. I ended up starting at work with Clark and doing things with Clark and talking to Clark and. And in the state of New Jersey, Clark was huge with this one thing that was going on during my deposition. Clark was part of helping Change the statute of limitation for child sexual abuse victims in the state of New Jersey. Because for the longest time, they gave you a little bit of time to be able to come out.
- [93:02]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [93:02]
Chris Cook
And say, hey, this happened to me. And it gave you a right to do whatever you had to do. And it was just a very small amount of time. I don't remember the years or the days or the ages, but it was nothing.
- [93:11]
Heather McDonald
Right.
- [93:12]
Chris Cook
Because it happened during my deposition. Because I remember my attorney saying, the county attorney, like, hey, you know, that law just passed. And even found it, like, on real time on his phone. And that guy's like, what just passed?
- [93:25]
Heather McDonald
Right.
- [93:26]
Chris Cook
Oh. And he's like, the law with the statute of limitations. And they didn't think nothing of it because Warren county don't think nothing of things. Like, with sheriff Bullock. And going back real quick to the trial was a gentleman come up from the division of missing exploited children from the FBI. And they had him testify because I think he was part of the first trial when they arrested sheriff Bullock. And they asked the Warren County's attorneys asked, like, in your. What would your estimate of victims be that this sheriff has done this to? And the guy's like, you want our opinion? And they're like, yeah, please. And they said, we estimate between two to 300 kids he did this to. It just wasn't three of us. Six of us, 10 of us. There's a lot of us. I mean, he was a serial pedophile, and he got away with it because they let him get away with it. Yeah, they hid it, and they're still doing a lot to it because there is still a lot of victims fighting for justice on this because it totally destroys your life, and it's horrible, and it puts you through the wringer of life. And with. I was able to meet Clark and start working with Clark and going through some coaching and stuff like that and talking to him. We talked all the time, and we worked through things. He gave me, like, it's kind of weird. Like, I bring this up to him all the time, and he gets a kick out of this. But, like, he gives you this thing. He said, when you wake up, I want you to go for a walk. At. First thing you do is go for a walk. First thing you do is slam a glass of water, then go for a walk. And I could handle the water part. And I started doing the walk thing, and it's more of a gratitude walk. And. But I did it for a little bit, and I don't do it. And there's a couple things I joke about, but most of it, he did a lot, man. He helped me out a lot. So the time went on, as we're talking and everything, almost a year went on working with Clark, and Clark asked me, and Clark has a podcast. Working with Clark was able to bring my story out. I was able to tell people, and I was able to feel more comfortable telling people. And I started telling people. I would sit down, like, and tell anybody. And that's what I'm doing now. I'll tell anybody, because I feel that's what I have to do. And if I could help one person, I did somehow. And so Clark asked me. He said, well, listen, he said, I'm doing a book signing and a book release thing. He said, do you want to come? I'm like, yeah, I'll come. He said, you sit on the stage with me. I'm like, I guess. And it turned out to be me, him, another friend of mine that I became friends with through all this. A friend of mine, Pasquale, and a New Jersey state trooper that arrested Clark. We all sat up on the stage while Clark did his book release, and it was great. I got to go up there and speak a little bit. I was nervous as ever, because I'm in front of people. I'm terrified. I brought my wife. My daughter came. She never really heard it, but she was able to come. That was a Saturday. That Monday, I did Clark's podcast, and it was great. When I finished that, I felt free, and it was great. And then after, again, then he brought me. I went to him. We did a. I did a little talking at a suicide awareness thing, because suicide is big in my story, man. I mean. I mean, I shouldn't be here to tell it. Something happened, man. There was divine intervention. There is a God. I do believe in God, but he's the one that helped me do all that. I mean, he means a lot to me, and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. I would have never reach out to nobody and still be stuffed here except for the few people that know about it, right? But it helped me to become where I am and who I am now. I really love it, and I do. I couldn't ask for a better friend. It just. Man, I just think about it and I tear up. Yeah. Am I a victim of child sexual abuse? Was I forced into it? I absolutely was, because nobody was there to protect us. Everybody was selfish and cared about themselves more than us. And like the FBI said, there's two to 300 of us out there. I mean, how many are still alive? How many are suffering that will not tell anybody. No, it's out there. You know, it's really out there. And, no, I really do appreciate everything everybody's done for me. And I'm still really good friends with Jeff and Brad. They're two brothers. They're night and day. They're completely night and day. But they're two of the best people in the world. Their father that has the law firm and, you know, it just. My life is a miracle. You know, unfortunately, my mother's passed away since, and she can't see me now. You know, I told her about the abuse before she passed away, before she got sick, but I didn't realize it really bothered her because she told my sister about it. And it's just. Everything is just unbelievable. I'm living a life I thought I'd never live. I really am. I really am.
- [98:06]
Heather McDonald
And I'm sure you're at a point, too, where you're stronger than you ever thought you would be.
- [98:10]
Chris Cook
Yeah.
- [98:11]
Heather McDonald
Like the fact that you're able to own something that happened to you that you kept bottled up for so long. Because we do live in a world that's full of judgment and shame and embarrassment and everything in between. When something like that happens, the first thing isn't to think, to tell people. I think it's right. You just want to. Like we said, it's easier to just push it down.
- [98:34]
Chris Cook
Yep.
- [98:34]
Heather McDonald
And no matter how long it takes you to be able to get to a point where now you can talk about it and you can be so vulnerable and emotional about it is so powerful. Yeah, it really is.
- [98:49]
Chris Cook
It's more tears of joy. And there's so much joy in my life.
- [98:52]
Heather McDonald
Gratitude.
- [98:53]
Chris Cook
I mean, life's life. You still have your bad days. But, I mean, of course, you know, and there's such a stigma, and that's why I find it important to be able to talk about it as a man and publicly talk about it.
- [99:02]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [99:03]
Chris Cook
You know, because it's happened to a lot of us, and a lot of us don't want to. Maybe. Maybe because of machoism or I'm a man. Like, that's why I couldn't say it, because I couldn't tell nobody, and I can't tell nobody a guy did that to me, or a guy made me do that to him, or it's hard
- [99:19]
Heather McDonald
to talk about, too. Like, besides the fear of what people might think or say, it's also the aspect of having to revisit it.
- [99:27]
Chris Cook
Yeah.
- [99:27]
Heather McDonald
That I feel like, is that causes a lot of fear and puts you right back into that moment, which is scary.
- [99:34]
Chris Cook
It does. Yep. Yep. And at the end of the day, it was worth it. I don't have to carry that around. I didn't realize, really realized the weight of that.
- [99:44]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [99:45]
Chris Cook
I didn't realize that was what was weighing me down all these years. And. Oh.
- [99:49]
Heather McDonald
And Right. Just trying to numb it.
- [99:50]
Chris Cook
Yeah, I numbed it. I numbed it big time. I did everything I could do. Run from it.
- [99:55]
Heather McDonald
Yeah.
- [99:55]
Chris Cook
And like I said, like, it was a joke when I was coming here. She said. I said, nah, you know what? I don't want to do it.
- [100:02]
Heather McDonald
I was gonna say, right. Turn around.
- [100:03]
Chris Cook
Yeah. Yeah. But it was. It was always easier for me to run from things than face things. Oh. And it's awesome. I couldn't ask for anything better.
- [100:12]
Heather McDonald
And you're amazing at telling your story. You truly are.
- [100:15]
Chris Cook
Thank you.
- [100:15]
Heather McDonald
Of course, you have nothing to be nervous about. You're so good at it, really naturally. There are some people that I feel like they're just great at public speaking and telling people their story. It comes so naturally. And there's a lot of people as well that they. They don't have that. I don't want to say confidence. I don't really think that's the right word, but it doesn't come as naturally to them. The fact, too, that you were able to overcome that, I think says so much. And I feel like not only are you doing something that's. I feel like part of your healing process, you're reaching so many other people that need to hear the story, and you're also overcoming your own fears and obstacles throughout the whole thing. It's such a full circle experience constantly.
- [101:00]
Chris Cook
It's interesting. It's really interesting. A lot of my childhood, I don't remember the other week, we were looking for pictures for something like my teenage years, and I don't have any. I have. The only thing I could find was a high school graduation picture. My teenage years were meaningless, man. I don't have no picture. No. I don't have no memories. Things pop in my head. I'm like, wow, man. Like, no, I remember that, but it just pops in out of nowhere. It's sad. It's just, you know, and that's what I said to my wife. I said, I felt like my youth was just.
- [101:32]
Heather McDonald
Yeah, you lost.
- [101:33]
Chris Cook
Didn't mean nothing. Yeah. You know, because back then, the teachers didn't care. They didn't ask you, like, what's really bothering this kid. And it all slaughtered over a pumpkin I never stole. If it wasn't for a pumpkin, I wouldn't be here.
- [101:45]
Heather McDonald
It shows you how important it is to speak up.
- [101:47]
Chris Cook
Yeah. And I didn't have nobody to speak up for.
- [101:49]
Heather McDonald
Right.
- [101:49]
Chris Cook
No, it was just.
- [101:51]
Heather McDonald
Now you speak up for yourself.
- [101:53]
Chris Cook
Yeah.
- [101:53]
Heather McDonald
Which is incredible.
- [101:55]
Chris Cook
Yeah.
- [101:55]
Heather McDonald
And it's. There's no. I always say this as well. There's never a time frame on anything. There's never a time frame on when we're supposed to share our stories or. And there's no right or wrong time. We do it when we're ready.