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A
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Approved for over 20 years.
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A
So talk to your specialist to see if Botox Cosmetic is right for you. For full prescribing information including boxed warning, visit botoxcosmetic.com or call 877-351-0300. Remember to ask for Botox Cosmetic by name. To see for yourself and learn more, visit botoxcosmetic.com that's Botox cosmetic.com hi, my name is Elizabeth. I'm 28 years old. I was born in Fort Worth, Texas and this is my story. Content Warning I will be talking about some rough subjects, sexual assault, bulimia and self harm and a little bit of some other stuff that's kind of hard to hear. I will be naming some people in this their real names and then some people I'll be changing their names. Some of my earliest memories are from living with my biological mother. Her name is Amber. And my father, I don't really know his real name. I was told a name but I don't know if it's really accurate. But he was never in the picture. So I was with my mom from what I remember until I was four. Now I just got my CPS case back actually last week and I requested it when I was 21 and now I'm 28.
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B
So it took that long.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And is there a reason for that? Is it just the system?
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A
I'm not sure honestly like why it took that long in me requesting it twice. Yeah. So I just now got it and I got more clarity on like the actual like time that I was with my mom. But what they had said on that CPS case basically is I was with her till I was like three and then around like three and a half I started also living with my grandparents and going back and forth between that time. Now what I was told is that my dad was a drug dealer and that worked out well for my mom because my mom was a drug addict and an alcoholic. My mom had six other kids, I'm the oldest out of six of them for a Period of time when I was living with my mom, I was also living with a woman named Terry. Now, Terry is somebody who also adopted one of my biological siblings. And my biological sibling that she adopted, her name is Bri. So for a period of time, I lived with them because my mom was going to give birth, you know, to my sister and then give my sister to Terry. I don't know exactly like how long like that period was that I was living with them, like completely together. But something that happened during that time is there was one day where I had went to Terri and I had said, I want candy. And she said, okay, do you have candy? And I said, yeah, I do. It's in mommy's room. She said, okay, come bring me the candy. And so I did. But it was a pill bottle and it was sleeping pills. And so my mom had been giving me sleeping pills so she could do drugs, you know, without me getting into everything or, you know, be passed out from the drugs or alcohol without me getting into everything. And Terry wanted to adopt me. And she had looked up like lawyers, you know, and sought like legal aid for that. But ultimately, like, they said that there was nothing that she could do because there was really no proof of anything.
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B
So how did Terry know your mom?
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A
I don't know. Okay. Yeah.
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B
So she kind of just like came into the picture.
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A
Yeah, yeah.
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B
And then were your mom and dad together at this time or they kind of just had this like drug dealer relationship. Okay.
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A
But like, everyone had told me this is what he was doing. He's actually like from Mexico and they do this kind of together. And it was just a really like, wild time. She had told him, you know, about me and he supposedly had said, like, I don't want anything, you know, to do with that. But he later came at three to my grandparents house and said like, I want something. And my grandparents were like, no, you're not gonna do that. So Terry had sought the legal aid and they said there was nothing that you could do because my mom was trying to actually take me like in the middle of the night. It was probably like 3am Terry had said. And she was like, no, you know, don't take her. You know, she knew that was not a good place. And so the lawyer was like, there's nothing. And so I ultimately stayed with my mom. And at this time, I really just remember being with my mom. I don't really remember being with my grandparents much, but I remember that there was one specific time where I was with my mom. She had told me she Was going to the store for a cake. I thought she was going to the store for a cake because it was my birthday. Come to find out in the CPS case, I was four. So, of course, you know, I don't know the exact, you know, details, but she said she was going to come back and she left me with three men. And I remember being three men. And I do remember her saying that she was going to come bring me a cake. She didn't come back. And I don't remember bits and parts of the rest of it. But the CPS cases, what pieces it all together. I remember something happening to me, but I didn't remember exactly what it was. And I had always said that this one person named Jesse had did something to me. In the CPS case, I told three different people, you know, something had happened to me. I was assaulted. I had went to a neighbor. I don't even know how I got to the neighbor exactly. There was supposedly that I just walked over there and then it was again of, oh, they just took you over there because they didn't want you anymore. So the cops had showed up. Of course they took me. I was terrified, terrified of cops. Like, terrified. So I do remember, like, the cops showing up and I don't remember, like, talking to them, but I remember them coming. And then they took me to the hospital, but I don't remember that either. So of course they took me to the hospital for a sexual assault exam. And that was rough.
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B
Did you know those men at all?
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A
I feel like I remember Jesse, but I don't remember the rest of them. I remember there were three, but I.
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B
Don'T know why they were there. She just kind of left you with.
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A
Yeah, supposedly it was one of her boyfriends. Yeah. And in the CPS case that I got back, it says, like, it was a known crack house that I was in and I had been there many times. The neighbor had said I'd lived there basically part time. Okay, Yeah, I went to the hospital, got the sexual assault exam. And they ultimately said, like, okay, there's no penetration. But, you know, we're not saying that something didn't happen. And like, the officers had said, like, her underwear on backwards. Like, her pants are on backwards. Like she's told, you know, three different people. You know, this is what happened. They put me in foster care, but I don't remember that. I remember being with my grandparents, but they put me in foster care. I don't know exactly how long, but I was there and I was with a lady. And then My grandparents showed up and were like, no, we want her. And so my grandparents took me and fought for me. And this was your mom's parents kind of. Okay. Not biologically. Technically, that gets a little bit messy as well. So my biological grandma, she had remarried my grandpa, which is the one I'm talking about, and then she passed away before I was born. And then he remarried my grandma, who I'm talking about today as well.
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B
Got it.
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A
Yeah. It is a lot. Yeah. So I was with them from the time I remember being four to seven. During that time, of course, it was really hard because I still had visitation rates with my mom. And I always tell everybody this, that I feel like I know that the court system wants to favor the moms and do reunification, but that's not always a good thing. I say that if they would have cut off rights at 3, I would have been way better off, unfortunately. Sad to say, but it's true. I still had a lot. I still saw a lot of things going back and forth between the houses, and it was just a lot of unstability.
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B
Were you able to see your sister still?
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A
No. So that's another thing. I don't know if my mom actually hid her pregnancy or that they thought that maybe it would be, like, saving me some kind of trauma of not acknowledging that I had a sister. But they said that I didn't have a sister. And so I was like, I'm crazy. I know I have a sister. And I would call her Beezy because I couldn't say her real name. And I'd be like, no. Like, I have a sister and her name is Beezy. And they'd be like, no, you don't. And so I really thought, I'm crazy. And so I didn't see my sister again until I was, I believe, 16.
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B
Wow.
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A
Yeah. And her mom got in contact with me, like, at that time, it was like, we've been looking for you all of these years. Yeah.
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B
That's crazy.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Yeah, it's crazy that it was. And so that wasn't even in the documents they had a sibling.
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A
Well, yeah, it was in the documents that I had said that I had a sibling, but it was, like, no.
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B
Proof of it, basically. Okay.
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A
Yeah, I had named, like, my brother and my sister. Like, oh, yeah. Like, I have siblings and these are their names. But it was never, like, any proof.
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B
Right.
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A
Yeah. Crazy. So during living this. During living with the time with my grandparents, of course, I was really traumatized from everything that I went through. I was really rebellious, angry, really sad. I would cry for hours, and I mean hours. For my mom, it was not good because we would, you know, have visitation, and then she wouldn't come, and I would literally, like, sit by the window and cry for hours up until the time that I had to go to sleep. And then the next day I'd realize, you know, she didn't come, and I'd start crying all over again. So I bet that was really hard for my grandparents, but, you know, it was really hard for me as well. And my grandpa, he was actually a part of a really famous biker club. It's called the WOS Crew. They have chapters all over. And him being the president, I don't think that it was necessarily a good life for a child as well, because I was not always in his care either. I was with other people that could take care of me on the weekends when he had to do what he had to do for the biker club. He was like my protector. He was my only, you know, father figure that I had. And I loved him, you know, so much. But around the time I was, I believe, seven and a half, I just found this out probably a few years ago as well. My grandma had given him an ultimatum and had said, it's me or her. She had said, you know, I never wanted a kid. You know, she's not biological, you know, to me. She's not biological to you, and she is a mess. And I was a mess. And it really hurt me, you know, to figure to find out, you know, that he ultimately chose her. And so he said, okay, and he gave me to his boss. He had worked for a man, and they were struggling to have kids. And so he thought that in his mind, these are good Christian people that have money and want a kid, and they can't have a kid, so let me give them to her. So he did. And that was a really bad decision.
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B
I can't even believe, like, that's. I mean, I guess, like, who would really know technically? But, like, I can't believe that's allowed. Just like, you know, here you go. Right? Yeah. Just take her, you know. And I'm assuming you didn't have that great of a relationship with your grandma.
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A
No, it was very estranged, for sure. Yeah.
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B
Got it.
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A
Yeah. So I started living with this family. I'm going to call the man Tim, and I'll call the woman Lisa. So Tim and Lisa, I lived with them, and of course, again, I was very traumatized, very angry shortly after living with them. I'm pretty sure it was around, like, eight months And I'm seven and a half. My grandpa died, like, suddenly. It was like he was in the hospital. We knew, you know, something had happened to him. I think it was the brain aneurysm. And then he was gone. And so not only did I feel like I had basically lost my mom, because I hadn't seen my mom, like, in a year. She was a mess. And then I lost my only father figure, my only, like, protector that I'd ever known.
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B
Was he still in your life, like, for those eight months that you were living with the new people?
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A
I don't really remember. Yeah, that time. But I remember, you know, like, always wanting to, like, see him and have visitation, you know, with them. So I lost him. And at his funeral, I really. I didn't even know, like, his real name. And I always called him just my grandpa. But then everyone called him Scooter. That was, like, his club name. And when on, like, the news article, it had, like, put him out there, like, as Byron, I was like, who's Byron? You know, like, that's not my grandpa. And they're like, yeah, it is. I was like, I didn't know that. And so, of course, like, I was distraught. And Tim and Lisa were the first people that I took it out on. And I know that, you know, I shouldn't have done that. Don't condone it. But that's what a child does.
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B
I was gonna say. I mean, at seven and a half, you don't really know any better. And I feel like that's the age that a child. I mean, all a child really knows how to do is act out because something's wrong.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You know, whether it's for attention or to seek help, they don't really know. You're not in an age yet where you can, like, communicate, really, and express what's going on.
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A
Yeah. So I was, like, taking things from Lisa. I was acting out. And around fifth grade, I started having dreams that Tim was sexually assaulting me. And I think now. Now I don't have, you know, 100 proof, but I think now, you know, it was happening, and we'll talk about why. So that had happened. I was having those dreams, and CPS came, you know, and talked to me, and I said, oh, it was just dreams. You know, I just told a friend, you know, that I was having the dreams. And she told. And understandable. And I just told him it was dreams. And nothing came of that. Shortly after that, had gotten out of the shower one day, and I saw that the blinds were, like, peaked up, you know, just a little bit. And I saw a green light, like, coming out from one of the blinds. And so. So I pulled it up fully naked. Just got out of the shower, you know, and it's a cam recorder. And I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm probably in sixth grade. So I just put the blinds back down, and I just act like it never happened because I didn't even know what to do right. And so a little bit after that, Tim came to me, like, that day and said, oh, I was just recording you because I wanted you to see how long that you would take in the shower, sir. And so, you know, nothing came about that either. And then in the seventh grade, Tim took me to Jack in a Box. We went and got tacos, and then he rented the movie the Men that Stare at Goats. And then we got home and he started massaging me, which was something that he actually did often. Like, it was nothing sexual that, like, I could remember, but it was something that had happened, you know, since the time that I had lived there in the very beginning. Till now. I'm, you know, in seventh grade, which we'll talk about, you know, later, too. But, yeah, he started massaging me, and I fell asleep. I fell asleep. And then I woke up, and his hands were in my pants. And so I laid there for a quick second because I was like, this is a dream. You know, this is a dream. This isn't happening. Like, this is your mind playing tricks on you again. And then I snapped out of it again a quick second later. This is not a dream. This is happening to you. And so I got up really quick, and I just went to my room, and I didn't go to sleep that whole night. I just looked at that door because I thought he was going to kill me. Like, I thought, there's no way, like, he's going to let me live because he knows that I'm gonna tell. You know, he's gonna kill all of us in, like, in this house. Like, I stared at the door all night. In the morning, I'd gotten up and I had said, I have two options. I'm gonna tell somebody, and if they don't believe me, then I'm gonna kill myself. And so I called my nana, and my nana had actually lived, like, around the corner from me, but she also had a house in Oklahoma. And so that weekend, she was in Oklahoma, but she had answered and I had told her, and she said, I'm in Oklahoma, but I will be back you know, soon this today, when I get home, I will call you and you can come over and we can talk more. Said, okay. So she called me and said, I'm home. Come. And so I did. But leaving the house, Tim saw me and he said, where are you going? And I said, I'm going to Nana's house. They have cable. So we didn't have cable, you know, made up a lie. And he said, okay, but I wanted to talk about last night. And he was like, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, but men have needs. Yeah. Disgusting. So I went to my Nana's house and I had told her what happened. And then when Lisa got home from job, we told her what happened and the police came, you know, and arrested him and he went to jail. But Tim only got six months and it was a lesser charge than like sexual assault. He did have to do 10 years probation, but that was nothing to compare to. I feel like having to piece my life back together after you being, you know, somebody that was supposed to be a dad figure and my grandpa trusted you, you know, to take care of me and you completely like shattered that. Yeah. And so he is also deemed a non violent sexual offender. He did have to, you know, plead as a sexual offender, but in register every year. But he can do everything. He can go to schools. I was told, you know, he was going to football games. He was being able to do everything. You had no real consequences except for your name being on a piece of paper. So that made me so angry.
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B
Understandably so.
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A
Yeah. And I took that out 100% on Lisa because I had felt like it was partly Lisa's fault because Tim was abusive to her.
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B
Did she stay with him?
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A
No. So they ended up like divorcing, thankfully. But before, you know, he had sexually assaulted me. He was abusive to her. Like he would hit her, like I saw many times like him spit in her face. She has a biological son and I would try to like shield him away from all that when they were arguing like that. Like, so ugly. Looking for a pickup truck to get just about anything done. Look no further. The Chevy Silverado EV isn't just the most powerful Silverado ever with next level towing capability and technology. It also offers game changing versatility with the available multiflex midgate and tailgate. Which means Silverado EV helps you carry large, bulky and oddly shaped items up.
- [20:57]
B
To nearly 11ft in length.
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A
Chevrolet together. Let's drive. Visit Chevrolet.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just Know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like, you know, to check the date of the big game first before you accidentally buy tickets on your 20th wedding anniversary and have to spend the next 20 years of your marriage making up for it. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate Savings. Vary terms, apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. And so I definitely felt like it was her fault that this happened because it was. Was also her job to protect me. And I felt like that didn't happen. She could have prevented it. And so I took that out on Lisa. 100. I also became very promiscuous. I talked a big game. I wasn't doing anything, but, you know, I definitely was saying all these things because that was the only control, you know, that I could have at that time. I became bulimic. That was, you know, another thing that I could control. I was self harming myself all over my arms, my legs. And Lisa had saw one day that I was doing that. She had saw the scars and she had said to something along the lines of, like, do you want to kill yourself? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, well, that's not the way that you do it. Yeah.
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B
What is wrong with these people?
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A
Yeah. Yeah. So she sent me to the mental hospital, and I had. She sent me there a couple times after that for stuff like that.
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B
I'm surprised that she even sent you there.
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A
I know, but it was crazy being there because I was like, I'm not supposed to be here, you know, what.
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B
Were you there for? Do you remember?
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A
Usually for a week or two. Okay. Yeah. And the last time that she put me there, I remember I was there for two weeks, and she came and she was like, you're never coming home again. And it was because I was on, I believe at that time it was ADHD medicine. But the ADHD medicine was making me so angry. And so I didn't want to take them anymore. And so I just started, like, stuffing them, like, in my drawer. And then she found them, and she was like, you could have killed your siblings. Like, first of all, they're not supposed to be in my room. Second of all, it's at the top shelf. And I did that for that specific reason, you know, just in case. I always thought about my siblings.
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B
And that was their kids.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. She had remarried after Tim, and so it was now another set of kids. But she also had, like, her biological son. And so that's the one that I really say is my brother. But yes, she was like, you could have killed him and so you're never coming home. And so she put me in a homeless shelter for at risk youth.
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B
How old were you?
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A
I was 15.
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B
Okay.
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A
Yeah, I was 15. And while I was in this homeless shelter, she had said, my therapist told me to get rid of you a long time ago. Everyone you know didn't want you. Your grandparents didn't want you. And I remember just like slamming the door in her face, you know, just being so angry. Like you could say something, you know, like that to a child. Still, how.
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B
I don't know how it all works, but. And I'm not sure if you do, but how does that work? Like, since you were still 15 and underage, like, if they. If she put you in a homeless shelter, like, that doesn't get reported or like, anything like that.
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A
I think that it does because it was told to me. Excuse me. That she was notified that she had to come get me within a certain time because if she didn't, that they were going to call the police on her.
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B
Yeah.
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A
And so she did. But before then, there was a staff member there that was taking care of us. And she knew that I went to a local school. And she was like, did you hear about the local teens that died recently? And I was like, no, not recently. Like the one that died like a year ago. And she was like, no, it was recently. And I was like, no. I was like, but can you, like, let me know? She was like, yeah, she was like. One of them was this really beautiful girl. She was in her quinceanera dress. She was like. And then this, like, older boy. And I was like, do you remember, like, any of their names? And she was like, yeah, the boy, his name is Ivan. And in that moment, I, like, had a feeling because one of my friends was hanging around with a senior. I'm pretty sure he was a senior, and his name was Ivan. And I had told her that I didn't agree because I thought that she was going to get in trouble. And so I said, the girl, can you find out, you know, what the girl's name is? And she was like, yeah. When we get back to the other center, I'll show you on my iPad. And so we were literally getting lunch. I had the tray in my hand and she turned the iPad around, and it was my best friend, and her name is Jeanette. Sorry.
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B
No, you're okay. Take your time.
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A
And so it was her. And she was actually somebody that, like, we called cousin. I'm not sure she was actually biologically cousins, but little sidetrack a little bit. We had went to a football game, like, in middle school together, and my biological brother was there. And, like, I was talking to Jeanette, and my brother was like, how do you know our cousin? I was like, what do you mean? I was like, that's my best friend. He was like, yeah, we're cousins. And so I don't know, you know, if that's actually, you know, something, but we called each other cousins.
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B
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A
And so, you know, I had found out that she had passed away. Well, I had called Lisa and I was like, jeanette passed away. Like, I need to go say goodbye to her. Like, I need to see her. And she was like, well, you can't. And I was like, why? Like, I need to go. And she was like, the funeral was yesterday.
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B
So she knew and she didn't even tell you?
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A
Yeah. And I think I had said to her, like, I will never forgive you for this, like I hate you. And I just hung up. And that's something that I still struggle with to this day, like not being able to say, like bye to her. But that was really hard, you know, losing her. And then Lisa ended up taking me on my 16th birthday to the Methodist children's home in Waco, Texas. Shout out to them because they saved my life. And that is one good thing that she did do for me is take me there. I finally got on right meds. They, you know, did trial and error until they could figure out what. What was right. I never had adhd. It was something totally different. I was in therapy every week. I had had constant love and reassurance and stability and people working with me every single week, every day.
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B
Was it more of like a group setting with other kids?
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A
Yeah, a group home. Yeah. And so there were different homes, like structured homes and then like non structured homes. I can't remember what that was specifically called, but I came into a home where they monitored me pretty much 247 for the bulimia and the self harm, which was really good because I couldn't do it anymore. And then I, you know, broke the habit and got the help that I needed. I have this one case manager that I had and her name is Ms. Corsi. And I was starting to have really bad panic attacks to the point I was passing out. And the Methodist home, I don't think had ever seen like a case like Mine of people passing out like that and having panic attacks. But Ms. Corsi, like, she handled it so good. Like, she gave me all the tools I needed and tools that I use till this day. And I still talk to her till this day. Like, if I ever need anything, I'm in contact with her. And she is amazing. Yeah. A little while after being in Ms. Corsi's care, I moved to a, like, more like, relaxed home where I wasn't monitored all the time. And I lived with a set of home parents, we called them, and it was Mr. Steve and Ms. Debbie. And I still talk to them as well. They're amazing. I try to see them once a year and they're like a second set of parents to me, so that was really cool.
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B
Were you in that setting for.
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A
I was in there for two years.
- [32:00]
B
Okay.
- [32:01]
A
Yeah.
- [32:01]
B
That included living with them too, like the other parents.
- [32:05]
A
Okay. Yeah. So it was just like a different house. Like, I don't know, just like down the street. Yeah. So I don't like saying like, a compound, but, like, it's like a university and, like, there's tons of houses for boys and girls that live there. So we're all separated. Yeah.
- [32:22]
B
Were they doing education as well?
- [32:24]
A
Yeah, and that was really good as well because I got, like one on one. And I really struggled in school as well because of everything that had happened. I never felt like I could focus on school because of everything else that was always going on in my life. And then just, I feel like my, like, most important, like, young years, I was just. Was in so much turmoil that my brain wasn't taking anything in. Right. So I was behind and Methodist Home caught me up and I was doing one on one care with them. I was doing summer classes with them. And it was just really good.
- [33:02]
B
Yeah, it's great.
- [33:03]
A
Yeah. During this time, I was at the Methodist Home my senior year. My brother had called me, one of my brothers, and he had said, hey, our mom, I think, was still maybe in prison at this time, but she's in prison and she was caught trafficking. Not trafficking people, actually. She was bringing people over the border. So she was helping them cross what we call a coyote, but she was helping them and she got caught doing that. So she was pregnant and she put that baby up for adoption while she was in prison. And he had said, this is the lady's name. Go look her up. That has our sister. And so I did. And I started liking all the pictures of my sister. Most beautiful baby ever. And she reached out to me and her name is Michelle. And she, sorry, take your time, you're okay. She's had said like, oh, are you Elizabeth, Amber's daughter? And I had said yeah. And she was like, I've heard all about you. And. And so we started talking from there. And over the next few months I started opening up to her more. And I had gone on visits, I had gone, I think for my sister's second birthday I believe. And that was, was so cool being able to be a part of her life because I felt like I really wasn't able to be a part of any of my biological siblings lives from the like very beginning like that. And so I got to be a part of that. And I remember on Christmas still my senior year, Michelle had asked me, what are you doing with your family for Christmas? And I had said something like, they're not coming to get me. And she was like, what do you mean who's not coming to get you? And because I hadn't told her, you know, at this point where I actually was who I was in the care of. And I had told her and she says that, you know, that's the moment that she knew that she wanted to adopt me. That her and her husband Brandon had talked about adopting another child. Just didn't know it was going to be an older child. And so I had told her. And again we're just talking and building that relationship. Michelle and my sister and my biological mom actually came for my senior, not my senior, my graduation. And that was amazing because that was something that I thought would never happen. My biological mom like coming and she was actually sober, you know. How was she?
- [35:56]
B
She was doing good at the time.
- [35:57]
A
Yeah, she was doing really good, you know, at this time. And it was a miracle because I don't remember, you know, really a time like that. Oh, such a clutch off season pickup Dave. I was worried we'd bring back the same team. I meant Those blackout motorized shades lines.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install? No, it's easy. I installed these and then got some from my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install hall of fame son. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world. Blinds.com is the goat shop. Up to 45% off select styles plus a free professional measure during the blinds.com year end blowout. Rules and restrictions may apply with her. And so that was a really good time. I eventually let Brandon and Michelle adopt me. They asked me and of course I said yes. That took a lot of time, I.
- [36:49]
B
Was going to say, I'm sure. Was that like a long process or.
- [36:52]
A
It took, you know, I think about a year, maybe a little bit over a year, but you know, over still. All of the years of constant reassurance, you know, that they're not leaving me. No matter, you know, what I've done or what I say or anything, you know, like there's nothing that I can do that is going to make them not want me anymore. Yeah, they adopted me. A really sweet moment that I always think about is they had asked their kids, you know, what do you think about, about Elizabeth, you know, becoming your sister? And they had said like, well, I thought she was already our sister. And so that's just really sweet. Yeah. And after that, my mom was not doing well. Was very, you know, short lived of the sober life. She became pregnant again. And how many children did she have? Six. Okay, yeah, she would have had 10, but that she has six. And so this was the sixth one and his name is Romeo. But she had nothing for him, not even a car seat. And so she was going into labor and she got into labor and they had said, like, you have to have a car seat if you don't, like, you can't leave the hospital. And she was like, okay. And so I had went to get her one and when I was coming back, she was calling me. When I was inside the parking garage, I just had a feeling something was up. And she had said, where are you? And I had said, I'm in a parking garage, like, I'm coming. She was like, okay, hurry. So I did. And when I got in there, she was like, you need to take Romeo. And I was like, like, what? What are you talking about? She was like, you need to take him. He was born with drugs in his system. And like my heart just sank. I was like, what the hell, girl? And I was just like, no. Like, I am 19, like, I'm going to college. Like, what the heck? Like I don't know how to do this. And then I'm like thinking in mind, like, okay, like, I can do this. I'm just going to, you know, drop everything and I step outside and I'm having a panic attack in the hallway of the hospital. And I call my adopted mom now, Michelle. And I told her everything that was going on and she was like, no, no, no, you know, you're not taking, you know, Romeo. We will, you know, figure this out. He has a family that wants him. Michelle and Brandon have really good friends, and we call them the Grimes. And they had wanted Romeo from the very beginning. Had always said, you know, if she doesn't, you know, want to do this, then we'll take him. And so I went back in, you know, with my mom and my biological mom and had said, you know, you need to give him to the Grimes. And she was like, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm going to. I'm going to take him. Like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna be okay. And that was the first time, like, I had ever, like, yelled at my mom. And I was like, no, you can't. Like, you can't do that. You have none of your other kids. Like, what the hell do you mean? You know?
- [40:07]
B
No, especially too. Because I feel like if she was ready for that, then he wouldn't have been born with drugs in his system.
- [40:15]
A
Exactly. Yeah. And so he ultimately had to go into the foster system. And we fought for him to get into the Grimes family, to be placed there, but I think it was 10 months that he was in the foster system. Every Single Monday at 6:00 at McDonald's, I would go to visitation so I could see him. I always wanted him to know somebody was there and was fighting for him and that loved him because, you know, I'd never felt that way. And I always wanted him to know he had someone. And so I was there. And even sometimes when my biological mom wasn't there, I was there. She was trying during this time, but it was definitely not what she was exactly supposed to be doing. There was calls, you know, being made. You know, my brothers found her, like, drinking mouthwash. Like, that's how bad it was to just get, you know, some kind of something, you know, in her system. And so it was not working. And she did a paternity test because the person that she said was the father was not the father. And he was like, yeah, no, like, I'm not doing this then either. And then she ultimately gave up her rights, and they started the process for the adoption. But during that time, it was really hard because I don't know exactly why, but the cps, somebody had told, like, the foster family that had him that nobody really wanted him. Like, he didn't have a family. And that wasn't true at all. Like, we had fought for him from the very beginning. And so the judge, like, on one of the times, he was like, no, he's already been, you know, in this care of these people, you know, for so long. He Was like, let me, like, revisit. And, like, I was, like, physically, like, not okay after that. Like, I was sobbing and I saw the j. The judge, like, look at me. And I really think that, like, affected him because the next time after that, he was like, yeah, like, I grant it, you know, they. They can go. And so my brother, his name is Micah Romeo now, but he went to go live with the Grimes and is happy and healthy and living his best life. Yeah, during that time that I was fighting for my brother, I was in a really abusive relationship, mentally and physically. There was times where he would punch the wall, and my face, you know, my head was right there, right beside it and just inches away from punching me. Doors ripped off, hinges, holes all over walls, apartments completely destroyed. And he hit me. And that was it. That was my one time. It had always been, like, muffing, like, pushing or, you know, threatening stuff like. Like, stuff like that. But it was never actual hits. But this time he had actually hit me and I had left, and I never looked back. But it was really hard for me to leave him because he kind of had, like, a similar, like, background to me. And I had felt like everyone had left him. Like, I can't be another person that left him too. And so that was really hard to do.
- [43:33]
B
I think, too, it's easy to bond with somebody when you feel like you have. Have a similar background.
- [43:39]
A
For sure. Yeah, that trauma bond, for sure.
- [43:42]
B
And then I think, too, it's like, you almost make excuses in your mind of, like, well, he's this way because of this, you know, like, I. And I understand.
- [43:48]
A
So I'm the one person that understands him. Yes, yes. After that, a few years fast forward, I am living with my ex's family, but they weren't my ex, you know, back then. But I was living with my ex's family, and I got a call from one of my sisters, adopted dads, and he had said, your mom died. She drank herself to death. And it was always, you know, a phone call that I was waiting on, but I never really thought it was going to be from somebody that I knew. So when it was always, like, random phone calls, like, I would pick it up because I always knew, you know, this is gonna happen. And so he was the one to call me and tell me. And my ex's mom just held me while I screamed and I cried.
- [44:39]
B
Did you have a relationship with her.
- [44:40]
A
At this time or my mom? Yeah, yeah, I did. It was definitely estranged. I tried not to see her because it was just really bad. For my mental health. After I would see her, I would spiral. And so I definitely would pick up every single phone call that she would call. And the last phone call that we had had, I'm 99 sure she was on drugs or alcohol because she was repeating the same thing and slurring. And she had just said, you know, this, you know, addiction is a disease and I'm so sorry and I just love you so much and I just hope that you understand. And I didn't say, you know, anything to that because I was just angry. Except for I love you too, and I'm fine, you know, with that being our last conversation because at the end of the day, she knows that I loved her too. So she was found in an abandoned house where with a whole bunch of other homeless people. She was homeless, obviously, and bouncing around and had just drank herself to death. I was 22. I didn't know how to plan a funeral. Nobody tells you, you know, how to do something like that, let alone a 22 year old. And I was the oldest sibling. And she had told me before we had had conversations about this, that this was coming if she wouldn't act right. And so I asked her, you know, what would you like? And she had said, you know, I want to be cremated. I don't want like everyone to see me. I don't want people to remind, like be reminded of the way that I look at that point. She didn't want them to see her. And I just said, okay. And she was like, I want you to be in charge of everything because I know know you're the more responsible one, you're the older one, and you're going to make sure that what I want is what's going to happen. And so I did. I called my adopted mom, Michelle, and she helped me navigate everything and helped with so much. And I had a great support system during that time.
- [46:48]
B
So did you were all of your siblings notified, your biological siblings?
- [46:52]
A
Yeah, so I had called all of them myself, except for my sister, that her dad is the one that told me so her dad told her. But all the rest of them? Yeah, pretty much, except for, I think my little sister Stella, My adopted mom told her. So. Yeah, that was rough, you know, having to tell them. Navigating that the funeral part, you know, was hard, but the support system I had was really great. After that, I kind of started to spiral. I definitely felt very suicidal. I was living in a place where it was like kind of countryside and so there was very like windy roads and a point in My drive one day, home, getting home on my way home. Sorry. I was like, I could just go off one of these roads and everyone's going to think it's an accident, you know, so it would be less traumatic, you know, for everybody, you know, they wouldn't think, you know, that I did this to myself. And I think maybe a couple days after that, I had told, like, my adoptive mom, hey, like, I think I need to start therapy. I think something's wrong. And so I did shout out to Terry because she's the best therapist ever. And so I've been with her, I think, since I was 22 or 23. Like, now, as my therapist, I definitely was not completely honest with her, like, in the beginning, because I was, like, trying to feel her out, you know.
- [48:24]
B
I think it takes time, too, to really open up. And, you know, you want to make sure, I feel like, that you're finding somebody that you're going to stick with. So it's like you don't want to pour it all out and then have to do it again if it doesn't work out. Yeah. So it does take time, you know, to find the right person. And then I feel like to really, I think, even within yourself to be ready to. You face the trauma that you've been through and really talk about it. Because I feel like you're. You don't just go into therapy. I feel or not everybody goes into it. Just ready to lay it all out there and be like, this is what happened, and I'm ready to sort through it. I feel like you have to reach a point in your life where you're really. To start. Like, you're ready to start healing.
- [49:02]
A
Yeah. So for a while there, I feel like the first, like, year, I really wasn't, like, completely honest. And then I was living, you know, with my ex's family, and. And I was gonna break up with him because I just felt like we weren't on the same page about some things. And so that was really hard for me because their family had become like my family. Like, I loved them so much. And so I felt like it was another thing, you know, that I was losing another, like, grief, you know, that I had to go through. Yeah. It's something that I had. Didn't plan, you know, I planned on being with this person, you know, for the rest of my life, and that's not what was happening. Yeah.
- [49:47]
B
And I feel like you had that negative mindset around loss. So it's like, instead of viewing it like, this might not be the Best thing for me, you view it as, like, another grief and something. It's like you almost don't want to do it because you don't want to feel the pain of it.
- [50:00]
A
Exactly. Yeah. So that was really hard for me. And so after that, I got bad. Like, I started drinking, like, three nights out of the week. Like, blacking out, getting drunk, just not wanting. Wanting to deal with anything. I was still going to work, but, yeah, those days that I was not going to work, I was drunk and I was not okay. Eventually, after a while, I realized, like, hey, you're doing the same thing that your mom was doing.
- [50:29]
B
Yeah.
- [50:29]
A
It was a lot easier to drink and to do drugs to her than to feel everything that she felt and to go through the emotions and to sit with the grief and to process everything and deal with it head on. Yeah. Because all of those. Those things are really hard, and it's.
- [50:47]
B
Easier to, like, cover it up and cope.
- [50:49]
A
For sure. Yeah. Yeah. And so that was just like a slap in the face, like, hey, girl, like, you're no better. Like, you're doing the same things. And so I really started to be honest, you know, with my therapist, and I stopped drinking like that, and everything, you know, was good. I am now in a relationship, Been with him for almost four years now. And he has a daughter, and she is the highlight of my life. She is amazing. She's a really good girl. And she's six. And now I'm just navigating, you know, stepmom life and, you know, healthy parenting and stuff like that. I'm just trying to be, you know, everything that I never had and everything that I wanted. And. And that's just my main goal of right now is just being a healthy parent and a healthy partner. Yeah. And he's so very patient with me because I am still working on myself 100 all the time, and that.
- [51:51]
B
That's normal. And I was going to say too, you know, the. It's really. It's easier said than done, and it's difficult, but the only person that's going to change the course of your life is yourself.
- [52:00]
A
Yes.
- [52:01]
B
You know, and I feel like obviously you're. Everybody's life can take so many different paths, but. But when you're set up with a life where, you know, you experience trauma and constant loss and grief and all that stuff, I feel like it's very easy to follow that similar path for yourself. And like we were saying, just the easiest way to cope with that is to numb the pain. Nobody wants to. To feel sad A lot of people don't want to go through those feelings. But I think that it says a lot that at such a young age and with everything that you went through, through that you were able to change that path and direction for yourself. And I feel like to quickly turn it around and know, okay, like, I don't want to go down this path, and the only way I want to change it is to open up and be honest.
- [52:44]
A
Yeah.
- [52:45]
B
So I think that that says a lot about you and your strength and what you want for yourself, because, clear, clearly, you want something better for yourself, which is important. And a question that I had was, so now, are you. Do you have a relationship with all of your biological subjects, Siblings?
- [53:02]
A
Yes and no.
- [53:03]
B
Okay.
- [53:04]
A
Yeah. I'm estranged with one of my siblings, my brother, that's right underneath me.
- [53:11]
B
Okay.
- [53:11]
A
I feel like we're estranged because he's a lot like my mom. And so that's really hard for me because there's a victim mindset. And I feel like, again, like, you can do anything. Like, no matter. Like, our background, no matter what we went through, like, you can be your change, you know, to want it. Yeah. You have to want it, and you have to find your motivation. And my motivation was my siblings. Like, I knew I'm the oldest out of six siblings. I have to do this for them. Like, they cannot see me, you know, go down this and think that this is okay. And then also, you know, all the people I felt like that doubted me, that thought, you know, I was such a bad kid, you know, that I was going to be nothing thing in life. Well, I'm gonna prove you wrong.
- [53:57]
B
Yeah. And that's the thing. I feel like all you can do is set that example and be the best version of yourself for yourself. But then also, like you said, to kind of, like, set that standard to them and show them, like, you can be better.
- [54:10]
A
Yeah.
- [54:10]
B
But it's difficult. I mean, six is a lot. And every person has a different personality, and everybody handles grief differently and trauma and life experiences. So it's almost like, yeah, you have to have that sympathy because obviously you 100% understand it. You were there, too. You know, you get it. But yeah, it's like, at this point, you kind of just have to take it as it is and be like, look, all I can control is myself.
- [54:35]
A
Yeah.
- [54:36]
B
And you can follow it or you cannot. You know what I mean? Like, that kind of thing. But it's difficult. I'm sure.
- [54:42]
A
For sure. Yes.
- [54:43]
B
But I'm glad that you're doing good now. That's amazing. And like I said, it's you. You're 28, right?
- [54:49]
A
Yes.
- [54:49]
B
Yeah. So it's like you're. I feel like all of this still happened at such a young age for you. And, I mean, I say this all the time also on the show. There's so many years of healing and growing. You know, that journey never ends, so where you are now, that's only going to progress. And then also at the same time, you could have days or weeks where it kind of feels like, oh, I'm not feeling that great this week. And that's okay, too, because the lows are just as normal as the highs. And I feel like. Like it's kind of a good thing, because when you hit those lows and you have those days when you get out of it and you learn how to kind of, I guess, find healthy ways to cope with that and learn to get through that, then it happens less and less, and you start to experience that less, and you start to have those higher days more frequently.
- [55:36]
A
Yeah.
- [55:37]
B
You know, you learn how to get through it. You learn how to kind of challenge yourself, yourself, and I guess find the way that you find the person that you want to be and get on the healing journey that you want to be on. But it takes time. You know, it's not something that comes quickly or easily. And it's a process, for sure.
- [55:56]
A
Yeah.
- [55:57]
B
But obviously, I think. I mean, this kind of goes without being said, but coming on here and willing to be, you know, vulnerable and open up about your story and the things that you've been through and where you are today, that takes a lot of courage, and you should be proud of yourself.
- [56:11]
A
Thank you.
- [56:11]
B
Of course. And you did an amazing job.
- [56:13]
A
Seriously.
- [56:14]
B
Was there anything else that you wanted to touch on?
- [56:16]
A
I think that was pretty much it.
- [56:18]
B
Well, good. No, I mean, you did amazing. Really. I think, like I said, too, it's really important because your story touches on, I feel, like, so many different things that people can go through, even just the aspect of, you know, the adoption. And it's interesting to me because it goes to show, like, it's never too late. Like, yeah, you can have a family at any age, and you deserve to. Everybody deserves to feel wanted and loved. And I think it's amazing that you got that, you know, And I feel like now you're at a point in your life where, like you said, you can give that to, you know, other little children and, you know, your stepdaughter.
- [56:55]
A
Right.
- [56:55]
B
Stepdaughter. And I think that's great. And it's amazing. So. But thank you so much for wanting to come on here and share your story with the platform. Thanks a lot to me. Of course. Of course. You did a really good job.
- [57:07]
A
Thank you.