127: New Question: Why Did I Call In?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" Episode 127 – "Why Did I Call In?"

Release Date: October 31, 2024
Host/Author: Headgum
Title: "We're Here to Help"

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Introduction

In Episode 127 titled "Why Did I Call In?", hosts Jake Johnson and Dan Reynolds navigate through listeners' dilemmas with their characteristic blend of humor and genuine advice. The episode features two main listener calls, each presenting unique challenges that the hosts address with thoughtful suggestions and entertaining banter.

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Listener Call 1: George's Pool Party Predicament

Timestamp: [05:10] – [16:49]

Caller: George, Age 30, Philadelphia

Situation:

George finds himself torn between attending his brother's newly-installed pool party and his grandmother's unmissable birthday celebration the following weekend. The pool party is three hours away, and attending both would require extensive travel over consecutive weekends—a prospect George is keen to avoid due to perceived laziness and logistical challenges.

Key Points & Discussions:

1. Conflict of Commitments:

   • George struggles to RSVP "no" to his brother's pool party without hurting feelings.
   • The proximity of both events presents a logistical nightmare.

2. Hosts' Perspectives:

   • Dan Reynolds empathizes, exclaiming, "Three hours each way to jump in a pool, Right? [07:04].
   • Jake Johnson highlights the dilemma with humor, "You're going to be your grandma's age by the time you're done with all that shit [07:15]".

3. Potential Solutions:

   • Jake's Suggestion: Fabricate a work-related excuse, [12:16], advising George to claim unexpected work commitments that necessitate staying home.
   • Dan's Idea: Initially proposes inviting everyone to a mock "party" at his place, but quickly pivots to agree with Jake’s more straightforward approach.

4. Enhanced Advice:

   • Dan Reynolds refines the strategy by advising George to cancel mid-week, giving the hosts’ take: "Cancel by like Tuesday that week. I go Wednesday. Give them time to cancel..." [15:32].
   • Jake Johnson adds the idea of gifting something pool-related to soften the refusal, though they later retract this, deeming it too awkward.

5. Final Recommendation:

   • The hosts concur that honesty paired with a plausible excuse is the best route. George is advised to present a legitimate-sounding reason for his unavailability, thereby maintaining family harmony without overstepping.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson: "You're going to be your grandma's age by the time you're done with all that shit." ([07:15])
• Dan Reynolds: "If I were you, I would plan around that she doesn't have to think about it." ([12:45])

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Listener Call 2: Sarah's Sisterly Share-Cropping

Timestamp: [22:27] – [65:54]

Caller: Sarah, Central Kansas

Situation:

Sarah grapples with her sister Amber's tendency to intrude on family "guy" functions, such as Father's Day gatherings and regular outings with her husband and brother-in-laws. Amber's uninvited presence disrupts these events, causing tension between Sarah’s husband and herself.

Key Points & Discussions:

1. Understanding the Dynamics:

   • Amber is portrayed as a middle child—“very stubborn” and “doesn't care what people think”—which fuels her tendency to join any male-centric family event.
   • Sarah has attempted to set boundaries by offering to watch Amber's kids, but Amber remains insistent on attending.

2. Initial Advice:

   • Dan Reynolds suggests creating exclusive "male-only" venues, such as a men's spa, where Amber couldn't easily join: "Men only. There's a sign on the door." ([29:17]).
   • Jake Johnson proposes giving Amber a pool-related gift to distract her, though this idea is eventually dismissed for being too strange.

3. Deepening the Strategy:

   • Dan Reynolds introduces a more nuanced plan: organizing separate surprise events for the parents, thereby redirecting Amber's involvement in a positive manner. He advises, "say yes, but celebrate Amber separately." ([43:08]).
   • This approach aims to honor family relationships without allowing Amber to overshadow the intended gatherings.

4. Outcome and Resolution:

   • Sarah finds the revised strategy appealing, recognizing its potential to maintain family bonds while respecting the boundaries needed for the "guy" nights.
   • The hosts emphasize the importance of collaborative planning with other family members to ensure Amber’s inclusion is managed tactfully.

Notable Quotes:

• Sarah: "She ruins the vibe, absolutely. She's Loud. She's a talker. She speaks her mind." ([29:03])
• Dan Reynolds: "Now, what I'm going to do is ... plan something for your mom to divert Amber’s attention." ([43:08])

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Listener Call 3: Aiden's Honeymoon Havoc

Timestamp: [51:13] – [65:54]

Caller: Aiden Steffenson, Age 32, Whitehorse, Yukon

Situation:

Aiden is preparing for his upcoming wedding and tasked with planning a honeymoon that satisfies his well-traveled fiancée, Kate, who is a Red Seal pastry chef with extensive international experience. Aiden feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, seeking guidance to choose a destination that balances adventure and relaxation.

Key Points & Discussions:

1. Understanding Preferences:

   • Kate has a penchant for the English countryside, Sri Lanka, and has expressed interest in Portugal.
   • Aiden desires a honeymoon that introduces both partners to a new experience, fostering connection without defaulting to overly familiar or one-sided choices.

2. Hosts' Recommendations:

   • Dan Reynolds advocates for Portugal, suggesting a comprehensive, well-planned trip that intertwines both romantic and adventurous activities: "Plan things around that she doesn't have to think about it." ([59:39]).
   • Jake Johnson recommends Scotland and New Zealand, highlighting their suitability for mountain biking and natural beauty. He humorously compares New Zealand to "a big Hawaii." ([61:07]).

3. Balancing Act:

   • The hosts emphasize creating a balanced itinerary that includes both action-packed adventures like mountain biking and serene, romantic experiences.
   • They stress the importance of shared interests to strengthen the marital bond during the honeymoon.

4. Aiden's Decision:

   • After deliberation, Aiden leans towards New Zealand, appreciating the combination of adventure and romance it offers. He remarks, "Kate has made a fantastic play for New Zealand." ([63:38]).

Notable Quotes:

• Dan Reynolds: "If you pick a place where you know she wants to go, it's the equivalent of going to a restaurant where you know you're gonna like it." ([59:15])
• Jake Johnson: "New Zealand is where my mother lives. That can be helpful." ([61:07])

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Hosts' Final Thoughts and Overall Insights

Throughout the episode, Jake and Dan demonstrate their ability to blend humor with practical advice, creating an engaging and relatable atmosphere for listeners dealing with familial and personal dilemmas. Their strategies often involve gentle honesty, creative problem-solving, and a deep understanding of family dynamics.

Key Takeaways:

• Honest Communication: Both calls underscore the importance of being straightforward yet considerate when navigating complex family relationships.

• Creative Solutions: The hosts encourage thinking outside the box—whether it's fabricating plausible excuses or organizing surprise events—to resolve conflicts amicably.

• Balancing Relationships: Whether it's honoring a sibling's hard work or respecting a fiancée's travel enthusiasm, maintaining a balance between personal desires and family obligations is crucial.

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Conclusion

Episode 127 of "We're Here to Help" offers listeners a blend of heartfelt advice and comedic relief as hosts Jake Johnson and Dan Reynolds tackle real-life problems with aplomb. From avoiding unwanted events to planning the perfect honeymoon, the episode exemplifies the hosts' commitment to helping others navigate their personal challenges with humor and empathy.

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Notable Quotes Recap:

• Jake Johnson: "You're going to be your grandma's age by the time you're done with all that shit." ([07:15])
• Dan Reynolds: "If you were me, I would do the honorable thing and set up separate events to manage Amber’s involvement." ([43:08])

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Disclaimer: The advice provided in this summary is based on the content of the podcast episode and is intended for informational purposes only. Listeners should consider their unique circumstances when applying any suggestions.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Dan Johnson]

And we are, you know, we were just talking about was malls, Gareth, Remember what was your favorite go to thing in a mall? You had mall days when you were in junior high, in high school, right? Where that's what everybody did. You'd hang out at a mall.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean, my favorite store?

[Dan Johnson]

What was back in the day when you'd go to a mall with a couple of cool kids? Maybe a Duke starter jacket. Yeah, maybe you take the bus.

[Jake Johnson]

San Jose Sharks.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah. Miami Hurricanes. Hat backwards, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

You and I truly. Hat backwards same. Jose Sharks go to the mall. Did you ever have Z's in the side of your head?

[Dan Johnson]

The shaved in.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

No. But I did smoke Newports.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. All right. No, I smoked, but not Newports.

[Dan Johnson]

You weren't into menthol?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I never was. I always. I liked. I. I mean, I think the first cigarette I really started smoking was Marlboro Reds. Like, I was like, hey, whatever. I got a habit.

[Dan Johnson]

They. They hurt so bad, but they were so, so bad. Yeah, always. And then people would be like, dude, you like Camels? And I'd be like, do I love them?

[Jake Johnson]

I'd be. I'd be like, n. Something stronger. I was 14.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah. I'll tell you what I used to love about a mall and I still miss it. A big slice of Sabor pizza.

[Jake Johnson]

Sabaro is unbelievable.

[Dan Johnson]

And Boardwalk fries.

[Jake Johnson]

Sabaro pizza. I. Did Sabaro ever exist anywhere? Outside of a mall or airport probably. I don't think there's no brick and mortar Sbarro where people are like, table for two.

[Dan Johnson]

But those slices and the size of slice, enormous. I'd never seen a slice like that. It's hanging over the paper plate. You're like, this is the biggest slice of pizza I've ever seen.

[Jake Johnson]

The food court when you were a kid. Okay, so you remember Spencer's Gifts?

[Dan Johnson]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't remember Spencer's gifts?

[Dan Johnson]

No. What's Spencer's Gifts?

[Jake Johnson]

It was like a weird, like, kind of kitschy store where it would be like. It would be like. It would be like weird, like posters. It would be like there was like a section where it was like for couples, like edible underpants or like love cuffs or like. It was a weird little shop. They were everywhere. I went in there one day and basically got hired. I went in there just as a consumer and this woman, I don't even remember how we got to talking, but she was like, you should work here. She hired me on the spot. On the spot. I filled out the application, she hired me. I came in the next day, started working, and we both very quickly were like, this is not for you. I. I just was like, not into it. And when she told, she was like telling me that when they throw stuff out, you can't have it because that's stealing. And I had a real issue with that. And by the end of the day.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, I had a big issue with that. With catering.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, they still do that.

[Dan Johnson]

I'm like, I'm walking around with a tray of these delicious finger foods. No one's eating them. I'm about to throw them out. Why is everyone looking at me like I'm a weirdo? Because I'm doing open mouth funneling.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Jake, I'm going to tell you why there's a difference between putting a few on a plate and making a case.

[Dan Johnson]

I'm working, I'm not.

[Jake Johnson]

And another, acting like a catering wimpy.

[Dan Johnson]

Without further ado.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi there.

[George]

How's it going?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. We hope you're doing well. You're on. We're here to help with Jake Johnson. Gareth Reynolds. Can we ask your name, your age and where you're calling from?

[George]

Sure. This is George. I'm 30 and in Philadelphia.

[Dan Johnson]

George, 30. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So, George, why don't you tell us what the problem is and we'll do what we can.

[George]

Sure. So my brother and his wife live about three hours from me and they recently replaced the pool that when they bought their house about a year ago it came broken basically, like as part of the sale. They were like, you're going to have to replace it. So they just finally did that. They're very excited and to celebrate they're having a pool party and they invited everybody. And it's been about like two weeks since the invitations went out. Now the problem is that I'm also the following weekend going to be seeing both of them at my grandmother's birthday party, which obviously attendance in that is non negotiable and that's even further away. So I have been kind of trying to mull over a way to RSVP no to the pool party without hurting their feelings. And also in a way that kind of covers up the fact that there is an element of laziness to this where I just kind of don't want to be driving all weekend for two weekends straight. And you know, the pool is not going anywhere so I can see it the next time I come up. Right, okay.

[Dan Johnson]

So just to get this one straight, your who was it again that's having the pool party?

[George]

My brother and his sister in law, who I'm pretty close with both of them.

[Dan Johnson]

And how long's the drive?

[George]

It's about three hours to their place.

[Dan Johnson]

Holy shit. Three hours each way to jump in a pool, Right?

[George]

That's what I'm saying.

[Dan Johnson]

First of all, George, I'm with you. I'm an instant fuck your pool. I'm not driving six hours to swim the following weekend.

[Jake Johnson]

How far is the drive to grandma's B day?

[Dan Johnson]

About five hours each way.

[George]

Yeah, she's out Long Island.

[Dan Johnson]

First of all, George, good shout out to the type of family member you are. Yeah, if my grandma was 45 minutes away and she said, come to my 100th birthday, I'd be like, that's why I texted. I've never heard anyone go, like, I had the best weekend ever with my grandma's 83rd. 10 hours of commuting for an old.

[Jake Johnson]

You're going to be your grandma's age by the time you're done with all that shit.

[Dan Johnson]

Holy cow.

[Jake Johnson]

Now wait, let me, let me ask one question very quickly. You said their pool was broken, right?

[George]

Like some of the mechanics in it were like in disrepair and so they had drained it and it was just sitting there empty for the last year.

[Dan Johnson]

So the big thing is that they fixed their pool.

[George]

Yeah, pretty much. And they're like, hey, it's summer, it's hot as hell out here.

[Dan Johnson]

So I got a question, George. Do you like to swim?

[George]

I do like to swim. I do like to swim. Although I am more, you know, I like the ocean.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, but would you, if it was close, if it was like a 30 minute drive, would you be like, yeah, I'm going swimming.

[George]

Oh, 30 minutes might still be pushing it a little bit for me to be that excited.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, so you're not like, swimming's not like a big part of your life, right?

[George]

I like it, but I'm not like actively going out of my way to seek it.

[Dan Johnson]

I guess I'll tell you why. Because you're 30. A lot of people who really love pools and go out of their way to seek it are children. So if you're like nine, you go like, can we please go to a pool? When you're 30, you go like, there's a pool.

[Jake Johnson]

I went swimming last weekend for the first time. I was like, when was the last time I went? I mean, it had been like a decade and my life did not seem incomplete being. It was very bizarre.

[Dan Johnson]

Swimming is a very weird thing as you age. Floating is a trippy thing to do in your 40s.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it also just. Tate, when I was swimming, I was like, I used. This used to be my favorite thing in the world to do every day now. George, do you work during the week?

[George]

I do.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, you do. So this. So your weekends are kind of Georgetown and you're looking at losing, you know, two weekends, two big weekends. If you go to see your grandma, Are you. Are you doing an overnighter?

[George]

Yeah, I think I'm probably going to be crashing at her place and coming.

[Jake Johnson]

Back the next day also just that makes the plot a little thicker. And what about your brothers? Are you going to be crashing there?

[Dan Johnson]

What thickens the plot there?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know. Staying over at Grandma's sort of like, you know what I mean? You're probably in a room with some dolls and old clothes. Could be a little strange.

[Dan Johnson]

What is going to be the sleeping arrangement at Grandma's? And what do you call Grandma, by the way? Is it just Grandma?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Nana.

[George]

Yeah, she's just Grandma.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Dan Johnson]

Is it. Nor is it normal to sleep at Grandma's?

[George]

Yeah, we. She normally hosts like Christmas and stuff, so there is space for people to have privacy.

[Dan Johnson]

And will you and your brother and his wife will be at Grandma's?

[George]

Correct. And this might actually thicken the plot as well. There is a pool at Grandma's, so.

[Dan Johnson]

I gotta say, the pool element doesn't seem to be like a big driving force, at least for me.

[Jake Johnson]

I love, I love. I Love that twist. Because it's not really a twist, but it feels like a twist.

[Dan Johnson]

I mean, George, did you expect the reaction?

[Jake Johnson]

Ooh, ooh. All right. He was.

[Dan Johnson]

I did try that.

[George]

Yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

Respect. Respect. Then I apologize. We didn't give you the proper wrist.

[Jake Johnson]

It kind of got me for a minute where I was like, that's interesting. And then I'm like, I don't think that is interesting, actually.

[Dan Johnson]

So would your brother be offended if you said. Because, like, I know my brother, who's my best buddy, if he said, like, hey, man, come drive three hours to my pool party, I would answer immediately with a pass. Just in caps. No, period. Just pass is the kind of relationship you have with your family. If your brother goes like, we finally got the pool going, Georgie, why don't you come for a swim? And you just wrote, like, pass. I'm not 11. I don't want to, but I love. Is that a laugh? Is that dramatic? Is that trouble? What kind of family are we talking about here?

[George]

I don't think that he would mind. I think that he probably would get it, no problem, because he's a bit of a homebody himself, so he's not really trying to get too unstuck.

[Jake Johnson]

But sure.

[George]

His wife loves to host, and so I think that she would probably be a little disappointed, especially because she and I are also pretty close. We get along well. So they're always kind of eager for me to make the trip up, even though they understand that it is a hike.

[Dan Johnson]

It's all right.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. I think what I would do here, I'm getting close to locking in my advice. I think the move is a little white lie. What do you do for work exactly, George?

[George]

So I work in the marketing department for a university here in Philadelphia.

[Jake Johnson]

So it is not out of the realm of possibility that something comes up later in the week that kind of bones your weekend, that on a Thursday kind of changes the plans that you could sort of say to them, hey, out of nowhere, my boss dropped this on me. I'm going to need to work most of Saturday and some of Sunday. I can't do this. That's. That doesn't seem crazy to them, right?

[George]

No, I don't think that that would be crazy. So you're. You're saying that I should fake like I'm going to be going.

[Dan Johnson]

Gareth is saying rsvp yes. And then do a call and be like, what a drag. This thing came up. I would have loved to drive six hours to swim.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you. I think it's Juke time. I think that's. I think it's. Again, this. The reason why I would employ this is because it's innocuous. I don't think there is much to it. It's the same outcome. Again, I'm not a big. Like, let's just lie our way out of this, but this one feels like it's one that just buys you. Yeah, enough with so little. That would be my advice.

[Dan Johnson]

I think that seems pretty solid. It feels like it's not going to get you in trouble. You're going to avoid the big discussion. Like, you could do the asshole thing and create a party where you invite everybody to your house to go in the bathroom. Where you go like, hey, you know, like his Same list. Invite everyone in the family. Be like, I would love you to drive three hours. I have a warm bath we can all take just getting in it. And he'll go like, why would I want to do that? You go, don't worry, I'll put tons of chemicals on it to kill all the bacteria.

[Jake Johnson]

We just fixed it.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, I just fixed it. But drive all day and then just sit in this weird tub of water with chemicals.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I have a quick add on. I would say when you see them at grandma's, give them a pool related gift. I think that's a way to just. Yeah, I think, you know, whatever you want it to be. Well, that's unfortunate that you asked that. But I would say, like, it's so weird.

[Dan Johnson]

You're like, hey, it's grandma's birthday. And your brother goes, why'd you give me a gift? And you go like, it's rings that you could go to the bottom of the pool at.

[Jake Johnson]

And he's like, goggles, goggles.

[Dan Johnson]

Thanks for giving me flip.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? Here's what you do. You get grand. Don't do a gift and wrap and wrap a little bit of chlorine.

[Dan Johnson]

You want to know what just happened there, Gareth?

[Jake Johnson]

I pushed it.

[Dan Johnson]

You wanted to be sweet.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to. What I want to do. I want a karma squeegee. I want to go. I'm undoing the fibrillation.

[Dan Johnson]

No, I think what happened is you knew. You nailed the first part, but the first part, I got greedy.

[Jake Johnson]

I got greedy. I got greedy.

[Dan Johnson]

Go to his grandmother's party and give him a pool related. You just showed what a human weirdo you are. Here you go.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's a bathing suit.

[Dan Johnson]

Thanks. Here's suntan lotion.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, brother, here's a snorkel.

[Dan Johnson]

Why did you give me A snorkel pack. Well, because I missed your poo party because of work.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry. The boss inundated me with files last weekend.

[Dan Johnson]

Here's some flippers, George. 100%. We are going to stand behind the white lie. The last second cancellation. Give them a few days in advance. I'd cancel by like Tuesday that week.

[Jake Johnson]

I go, I go Wednesday. Thursday. Yeah, sell it.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, go Wednesday. Give them time to cancel in case your sister in law is doing like specific stuff for each person. I don't know how many people are going to be at the party, but if it's food related and how much they order, you know, give them a chance where they don't lose money on you. And second, do not do the pool related gift. That is a real weird turn.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm also getting rid of the pool related gift.

[Dan Johnson]

What we like to end these with is that's kind of our best take. What do you think you're going to do?

[George]

I mean, I think that that does make a lot of sense. It does feel like even if they're like, oh, well, do the work here, like bring up, bring some up. I think that I would be able to, you know, kind of just be like, no, I don't think so.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, totally.

[Jake Johnson]

The three hour drive gets you out of that. And if they need to hear it, let them know you're swimming in work. Thank you, George. This is. We're here to help. We'll be right back.

[George]

Thanks, guys.

[Dan Johnson]

All right. All the best, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, George.

[Dan Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Dan Johnson]

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[Sarah]

Hello.

[Dan Johnson]

Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. Can we get your name please?

[Sarah]

Hi, my name is Sarah.

[Dan Johnson]

Hey Sarah. And where are you calling from, Sarah?

[Sarah]

I am calling from central Kansas and.

[Dan Johnson]

Have a lot of people told you you have a very pleasant voice in your life. Is that a reoccurring theme?

[Sarah]

You know what? Someone once told me that I would make a great like voiceover for a cartoon character.

[Dan Johnson]

I believe that. Yeah, I believe that person is really smart. So I've got some sad news and then some personal very happy news.

[Sarah]

Okay, I'd love to hear it.

[Dan Johnson]

The sad news is Gareth is doing a live show in Alaska. He couldn't make it, but it's truly not his fault. We pulled this off last minute, so he wishes he could be here. But the personal good news Is we've replaced him tonight with my older brother, my BFF, Mr. Dan Johnson.

[Jake Johnson]

It's true.

[Dan Johnson]

Sarah, I'm here. The man who, when I first, when I first got on television, Sarah, as the character Nick Miller of New Girl. We were at a bar together in Chicago called Old Town and Dan stood up and yelled, I'm Chris Miller, Nick Miller's older brother. And I actually did go to law school. Ladies, it's true story. I love it.

[Sarah]

I have you on.

[Dan Johnson]

And then later that night, and then we're going to get to you. I they asked me to get up on stage at the great Second City.

[Jake Johnson]

Hell yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

To do an improv thing. And it was a friend of mine, I think it might have been Bungeroff who said it was wild, man. He goes, you got up there. Your brother heckled you from the first till the end.

[Jake Johnson]

A true brother.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Sarah, you're in for a treat. So you also got the shark, of course. So the floor is yours. Please, please tell us what is going on and we will do our best to get you out of this situation.

[Sarah]

Awesome. Well, thank you so much. So I'm. The situation is I have a sister who invites herself to all of our family's guy functions. So I'm talking Father's day at the local cigar lounge. I'm talking going down to a bar downtown with my dad, hus husband and brother in laws. And understandably, it drives my husband crazy.

[Dan Johnson]

Yes. So Sarah, is it. So is it your sister?

[Sarah]

My sister. Yep.

[Dan Johnson]

Goes with your husband Boys night.

[Sarah]

Yeah, her boys night. And it doesn't matter what the occasion is. She tags her, she just invites herself.

[Dan Johnson]

Along and she shows up. And who are the. In terms of the boys night, who is it? It's your husband.

[Sarah]

Yep. So it's my husband, my dad and then my sister's husband. So my brother in law. And then I have a another sister and another brother in law. So it's four guys and then her.

[Dan Johnson]

Understood. So it. But it's not like. It's not like you and me, Dan. It's not like. It's not like your husband and his brother are like, I can't believe my wife's sister showed up. Yeah, it's a husband, a brother in law, a brother in law, a father. So she's going to her husband's guy's night out.

[Sarah]

Yes, yes.

[Dan Johnson]

Wait, so your dad had three daughters?

[Sarah]

Yes, he did.

[Dan Johnson]

So. Oh, I get it now. So it's him with his three son in laws.

[Sarah]

That's correct. Yep.

[Dan Johnson]

And he's going like, hey, look at this. I didn't have. I got three guys, we're having cigars and then one of his daughters is there.

[Sarah]

Exactly.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, so more than the husband, because the in laws, the husbands, they don't matter. This is a father, daughter, 100%. What is that? What is. What are we calling your sister?

[Sarah]

Amber?

[Dan Johnson]

Rachel. Rachel. That's. That's me and Dan says our sister.

[Sarah]

Let's just call her Rachel. I like that.

[Dan Johnson]

We can't. What's, what's. What are we calling her? You said Amber.

[Sarah]

Amber.

[Dan Johnson]

Amber. So what does your dad feel about Amber crashing these?

[Sarah]

So he's not saying anything. He's never made a peace to me or anybody else. It's just my husband is. He's like, why is she coming?

[Dan Johnson]

Well, what is, what is. What's Amber's husband's fake name?

[Sarah]

So we're gonna go with Chris.

[Dan Johnson]

Chris. And what does Chris say to your husband about it? Yeah, that's right.

[Sarah]

That's a good question. I guess I haven't explored that. It's very hard to get them away from each other. They're very close.

[Dan Johnson]

They're very co dependent.

[Sarah]

Yes, they are. Like they met in high school. They were 16 years old, high school sweethearts.

[Dan Johnson]

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Amber, Dan is married to his high school sweetheart. Take it easy. Get a little, A little defensive, Sarah. You take it easy.

[George]

You take it easy.

[Sarah]

There is nothing wrong with that.

[Dan Johnson]

Look, I just came from a guy's night out and of course Kelly was there, right? We were smoking a cigar. I just don't see what the problem is, Sarah. Right, okay, but so they're always together.

[Sarah]

They're always together. So it's very hard to talk with one without the other there.

[Dan Johnson]

And how would you describe Amber in the group of sisters growing up? Was she in the middle of it? Was she, she the baby? Was she the baby? Was she the middle? Was she the oldest? Where's she at in the group? What's her vibe?

[Sarah]

Yeah, so she's the middle child and she. I love my sister. I love my sister. But I would describe her as. She's very stubborn. I'm very selfish. Whereas me and my youngest are more like minded in that we're more people pleasing, whereas she really, really doesn't care what people think. But we're all three very tight, all very close.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, so your husband says, at these guys night, does Amber ruin the vibe or is she just there?

[Sarah]

She ruins the vibe, absolutely. She's. She's Loud. She's a talker. She speaks her mind. So, yeah, she makes her presence known for sure.

[Dan Johnson]

I've got my first pitch. You're ready for a pitch? I think so.

[Sarah]

I love it.

[Dan Johnson]

I think your husband needs to set up the next guys night at a place like a men's spa, where, like, the only way you walk in, it's like if you go to, like an old golf club, you have to undress. Yeah. Where you're like, the locker room has a bar. You go like, I'm sorry, Amber. We would love to smoke cigars with you and talk wives. Yeah. But in this specific place, it's unbelievable. It's.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

Guys only. There's a sign on the door.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I love that. I love.

[Dan Johnson]

I think. Go ahead, Dan. No, finish up. Finish up. Well, I think there's something to that. Now. It's not going to be easy to get Chris on board with that. This is my point. This is my.

[Sarah]

Yeah, I think you're.

[Dan Johnson]

You're shooting early and I'll tell you why.

[Sarah]

Well, I do want to add. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

[Dan Johnson]

No, no, there's more to learn. Yeah.

[Sarah]

Okay. So I do want to say, so like I said, I have a good relationship with her. I feel like I can come to her. I did talk to her this year, like, approaching Father's Day because that's one that she always tags along to. And I just said, I tried a couple of different things. I said, hey, let us girls do something fun while the guys are getting together. In which she responds, oh, no, I like cigars or I like drinks. So I want to be there too. I don't want to miss out. I've offered to watch her kids so she has the opportunity to go do something for herself. And she responds. She responds, oh, well, if you watch my kids, then I can just go be with the guys. That would be great. So then finally I just said, and I'm passive and nice. So I said it through a text.

[Dan Johnson]

Midwestern.

[Sarah]

I said, hey, my husband doesn't appreciate it when you come to guys night. Damn.

[Dan Johnson]

Set up.

[Sarah]

The delivery was okay if you didn't come.

[Dan Johnson]

Damn. By the way, I said this nice and passive because I'm from the Midwest. I texted, hey, bitch, no one likes you. You're a piece of shit. I've always way bonded more with my youngest sister because you're the C word. You literally ruined our family. Bunny ears. I put Vaseline on my face. Yeah. I gotta say, Sarah, that's. So you said my. But by the way, Sarah, I Think you made a big mistake. Think you made a big mistake. You blamed him. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's tough.

[Dan Johnson]

What was the reaction? What was the reaction?

[Sarah]

So the reaction was she said, I understand completely, exclamation point, smiley face. And then you know what happened?

[Dan Johnson]

What?

[Aiden]

She went again.

[Sarah]

Neither of them, Nothing. So my brother in law didn't come. Yeah. So I was like, well, now I'm at a loss. I feel like I've try different options. They haven't worked.

[Dan Johnson]

So here, that's where, that's where it's at right now. Right now. Chris and Amber no longer go to the guys night. Does your dad and the two other guys, do they still do it or is it now like got a weird stink to it?

[Sarah]

They still do it, but they miss him. They, they would like for him to tag along, but they do still get together.

[Dan Johnson]

Or Chris.

[Sarah]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Poor Chris.

[Dan Johnson]

Looking out the window. What do you do? I wonder what, I wonder what the guys are doing. Probably smoking a. My father. And do you think, Sarah, from your point of view, Chris wants to be back out there with the guys?

[Sarah]

I do.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay.

[Sarah]

I will say that in general, he doesn't have a closeness to our family as the other two brother in laws do. I would say my younger sister's husband and my husband, they. They really truly are like family and that they gel so perfectly. But I would say, yeah, they're. They don't come to near as much family functions as the others do.

[Dan Johnson]

Let me throw something out there. Let me throw something out there. This might be right, this might be wrong. I just got a gut feeling this is, this is going to be a swing and a miss. But I love the ambition. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's all right. I think Chris, Chris is asking Amber to come. Yeah.

[Sarah]

Oh.

[Dan Johnson]

I think he's saying, I don't feel close to these guys. It's your family. It's not my dad, it's your dad. I don't feel like these two other guys are like, hey, dad. Hey, dad. And I'm like, you have a dad, you little bitches. Stop acting like you're part of their family. You guess what, you get divorced. You're out. He's like, they're weird. They're weird. They're acting like he's our daddy too. You're a grown man, right. He's like, but I gotta go. Because they're nice, they're inviting me. Yeah. But come with Amber. I like you. Yeah. So if you come, it's Fun. You're fun. Yeah, I've liked you since I was 16. What I don't want is Amber's D bag, brother in law and brother and these Tweedledee and Tweedledum being like, yes, daddy, yes, daddy, can I get in the inheritance? Because guess what? The truth is, Chris and your husband, they're not brothers. Right? They're not brothers in law. They're two dudes. Nothing. Yes, they're nothing. Chris hates your husband, Amber, by the way. Dan, let's rewind. This will be a swing and a miss two. He hates your husband. Guess what? How fast the winds turn for old dj. Yeah. Guess what, Jake, you were ambitious. But that time you connected, that ball sailed out of stadium. Thank you. Because you sniffed it out. It's all Amber's husband. Because that's what I'm thinking. Because I'll tell you what. And tell us if we're wrong. Sarah, we're not. But. But Amber, when you say things like, you could just. I'll babysit your kids and you can go do anything. Everybody in the world wants a night off. Yeah. So she's going. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to hang out with my dad, your husband, my other sister's husband, and go smoke cigars. Because I love cigars so much. Because Chris has told her. I don't know how to say no to these guys. I can't spend another Friday night with these goobers talking about the tile company. Help me.

[Sarah]

I can see it. You can? Yeah. I really can. Now that you're talking through.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Dan Johnson]

Is this true? Yeah, of course it is.

[Sarah]

It might be true. I mean, I can't confirm, obviously, but, like, as you're saying it, it's absolutely a possibility.

[Dan Johnson]

And so maybe Amber's swallowing the grenade. So what you can do is on these guys nights, you can turn it into a family night. And the guys can do their thing, but Chris is allowed to hang back with Amber. And you, like, if you guys all go do something. And then there's a part where your dad goes like, hey, me and the guys are gonna go watch me hit golf balls. Wait. And his two sons. Wait a minute. Jake. What? Sarah's father is not Chris Elliott? Yeah, yeah. Chris Elliott's a very different read. I know I'm not an impression guy, but that was not Chris. No, no, no, no. Sarah, was that anywhere near your dad?

[Sarah]

My dad is like a teddy bear. Like, so friendly, so inviting, so welcoming. Just a total sweetheart. So, okay, I don't know what character that plays after, but yeah, yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

So his. So his vibe. So you. So does your dad like golf? What do the guys do? Just smoke cigars in a hot dark room?

[Sarah]

Usually drinks or cigars. Yeah, those are kind of alcohol.

[Dan Johnson]

Are you related to my family? Yeah.

[Sarah]

Yeah, we might be.

[Dan Johnson]

Because I got. I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, honestly, if I'm Chris, I'm going. I can't do it. No, I can't sit in. I know. My brother Dan can't do it either. He couldn't even hang out in a casino because of the smoke. It's repulsive. So, I mean, look, it's repulsive. It's disgusting. So who wants that? So he might.

[George]

With you.

[Sarah]

I don't like it either.

[Dan Johnson]

So let me. I got it. Here comes a truck. Let me put my face over the exhaust and then we'll talk about, you know, football. It's stupid. It's just dumb. Kevin's a cigar man. There's a big humidor from Jake right behind me.

[Sarah]

You know, I listen to every episode. I know that that was gifted to you.

[Dan Johnson]

Yes, it was.

[Jake Johnson]

It says the shark on it, so I love that.

[Dan Johnson]

Sarah, we still gotta help you though.

[Sarah]

Yeah. What do I do?

[Dan Johnson]

Will you phrase. I know this is too late in the game to do it, but will you phrase your problem in a question just so we could see if there's a way out of this? Yeah.

[Sarah]

Yeah. And now that we've talked, I'm feeling a little less hopeful. But my question. Thank you.

[Dan Johnson]

Stomped out your hope, huh? Yeah. After you literally just said after talking about it, I'm less hopeful on a fucking podcast called we're here to Help. This is the epitome of a failed premise. Guess what? I think Gareth might be better at this than I am. I got. You know, we're missing just some jokes. Just some jokes where we go. We didn't help at all, but they felt more positive.

[Sarah]

You guys have given me great insight that I did not have talking about. I feel like that is extremely helpful.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay. All right. So phrase it. The question, if you don't mind.

[Sarah]

Yes, the original question was. And maybe we need to change this, but how can I get my brother in law to come to guys night without my sister tagging along?

[Dan Johnson]

Right, but the new question would be.

[George]

I'm asking.

[Dan Johnson]

The new question would be, why did I call in? How do I get off this call? Because you're making me hate things. I don't want to hurt their feelings that this was a fail for me. No. Okay, so I have an idea.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Dan Johnson]

You Tell Chris the next guy's night that you're throwing Amber a surprise party for just the girls.

[Sarah]

Ooh, I love that.

[Dan Johnson]

Right? You say this.

[Sarah]

Oh, that's really good.

[Dan Johnson]

And then it's all the girls. And she's like, what is this? And we're like, yeah. And you're just celebrating, Amber. It's ams night with a drink and the nails and all the stuff ams loves. And she's like, what is this? And we go. You go, honestly, this is just because we like you and we want a night with you.

[Sarah]

Oh, I love that. And honestly, that fits so well with me and my sisters. Like, that would not be weird for us to do that.

[Dan Johnson]

And then you could also say after that, the next one. You guys surprised me. So she's like, it's not just to get me away. You go, like, we're trading a new thing where we're, like, passing on the surprise. So now Amber. Or you say the next sister, now you're planning the next one. Right? But what I like about this plan the most is you're gonna shit on it. And we were about to win. No, no, no. What I like about it is, what should happen is you're forcing Chris to go to guys nights he hates and he shouldn't because it's good for him. Yeah, it's good. He should grow up, Chris. Enjoy it. You're all over the place.

[Sarah]

He has been in our family way longer than anybody else. Because they've been together for, like, 16 years.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah. So Dad's great. Suck it up, Chris. He could find a fun night and hang out. Yes, he can. But really. But then. But really, what we're doing is because you can't control Chris, Sarah. But you can control your sister because you did it most of her life.

[Sarah]

Yep. It's true. Her older sister. That is absolutely on point.

[Dan Johnson]

Oh, I could tell. And you have been puppeteering that little girl as much as you can. And now she's breaking free. So let's pull some goddamn strings. And the strings you're gonna pull is the next one that your husband is figuring out with your dad and the guys. And he could be talking to Chris and the other guy about, we're gonna surprise, you know, dad, and we're gonna take dad to some gars and drinks and just do a night. And then he could say you. He doesn't say anything to Chris. Then you guys reach out to her and say, we need you to come do this thing for us. Or you pull Amber in and it's A surprise for the other sister. So she's helping you throw the other sister to make it not all seem about Amber getting away from guys night.

[Sarah]

Okay.

[Dan Johnson]

Right. So you got two paths. One could be Amber's helping you plan this. And it's like we're just gonna do a night for her. Let's just have fun. We don't do this as sisters. And mom, enough. Is mom still around?

[Sarah]

Yeah. Yep, yep. We're all very close.

[Dan Johnson]

And then say they're. No. How about this? Go. They're doing a surprise for dad, so let's do a surprise for mom.

[Sarah]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

Oh, that's kind of.

[Sarah]

I love that.

[Dan Johnson]

Right. Because if it's just about Amber, she might see through it. But be like, will you help us do this? Let's give mom a great night.

[Sarah]

Yeah. I love that plan.

[Dan Johnson]

And you should do it.

[Sarah]

You guys did it.

[Dan Johnson]

Nice job. Thanks for saying you guys. Not my brother Dan, by the way. While I was saying it, Sarah, my brother was just shaking his head waiting to go. Nope.

[Aiden]

No.

[Dan Johnson]

Look, I'm a guest, so I'm supposed to be polite. Great idea, guys. It's really gonna work out. So Sarah, what do you think you're gonna do here? You think you're gonna do that?

[Sarah]

Oh, absolutely. I. I love the idea of kind of putting it on the parents because then us as sisters can kind of gather together to plan it and then the guys can gather together to plan something for my dad.

[Dan Johnson]

Yes. I think it will work really nicely. And then you just need to get Amber in on the planning so that. And never blame it on your husband. If about her not coming, I think that's going to move, albeit just a shit zone for him. And then he and Chris have to deal with it. Yeah. Then if she gets mad at him, it's just like, come on.

[Sarah]

Yeah, it is tricky.

[Dan Johnson]

So now we rarely. We rarely do this, Sarah. But we're about to get off the phone. But simply because my brother Dan was on. Could you do something and pretend you're texting it so you're more honest? But could you give. Could you give each of us a grade 1 through 10 via text and just say sure. By the way, you're a mean spirited. I'm the grandma from the other call. You are. You're now Kevin, for example. Keep in mind he produced this. He called, he got you on. This was a call about siblings. So I just want you to think of that. So go ahead. Your first one would maybe be Kevin out of 10. He did put this together. It did Work out nicely. Go ahead.

[Sarah]

10 out of 10.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Wow.

[Dan Johnson]

Great. Congrats. Now, how about me? What did you think? And you could be honest.

[Sarah]

10 out of 10.

[Dan Johnson]

I thank you so much. That means the world to me. And now how about Dan?

[Sarah]

7 out of 10?

[Dan Johnson]

Thank you so much for the call. Thank you for the call, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. Bye. All the best.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks for nothing.

[Sarah]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace. Listen, we're here to solve problems. And Squarespace helps us. The problem solvers also solve problems. Despite being really easy to use and very user friendly. Despite the fact that Kevin and I both have our personal websites used by the Squarespace template. Again, makes it look very professional. We also have Squarespace step in like a great bench player on the here to help basketball team. I'm pushing it. They. They have helped us make websites for problems that we needed to solve. When people need something to promote them or corroborate a fib because look, sometimes you got to get in the dirt, you got to muck it up a little bit. Squarespace helps us with that.

[Dan Johnson]

It is shocking how many problems you.

[Jake Johnson]

Can solve with a convincing website. Well, we, I honestly, dare I call it a crutch eventually, because we would go like, we can just make you a website and would just make them a website. Yeah, I mean it. It really is. You could make it for whatever, but also your business. It doesn't always have to be for nefarious activities. They have design, intelligence, Squarespace payments connect social and multimedia accounts. Invoicing, you could sell your content, SEO tools. Truly, the list goes on and on. We love Squarespace. Squarespace loves us. I've been told. I haven't actually had contact with them. They don't return emails. Some of them bounce back, which is funny, but. Join the Squarespace movement people.

[Dan Johnson]

Head to squarespace.com Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code. Gil.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are brought to you by Philo. Listen, Philo's got current seasons of shows that I can't miss. We can't miss. We watch TV together live on networks like A E, mtv, Discovery and tlc. You've got the classics, the Office, Martin, Friends. What did I say? The classics. I'm not lying. Shows you can watch over and over again. Originals on AMC, Mad Men, Orphan Black. It's also got 75,000 movies and shows. That is the rest of your life's viewing pleasure right there. All right. You can rewatch it over and over. Again. And look, I've said it before. Jake and I. Jake and I will text about some of the shows that maybe aren't as mainstream. We have a lot of those in common. One of those is Love After Lockup or Life After Lockup. This show is something you should really get involved in. It's a very bingeable show and it is available here. So. But also Jersey Shore Family Vacation catfish. Honestly, the re One of the reasons Jake and I were able to start this show was because of Jake's love of catfish. So Golden Girls, best pilot ever made. You can go watch all these shows, so do it.

[Dan Johnson]

Best of all with Philo you get all this for just 28 bucks a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Philo TV and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's Philo P H I L O TV to start watching this episode is brought to you by maybe my favorite. Yeah my favorite tasting sponsor, Herobread Hero Bread is the bread you love without the carbs. Just because it's summer doesn't mean you have to cut out all the carb heavy foods you love. And it's not summer, it's near Thanksgiving. So what are your favorite Hero products? Mine are just the regular sliced bread. I like the tortillas. I like the Hawaiian rolls. I am an everyday eater of herobread because being from the Chicagoland area, Kevin we are Sandwich guys had BLTs over the weekend with Herobrad.

[Jake Johnson]

They were delicious. A friend was with us and even.

[Dan Johnson]

Called out this bread's good. And you don't. And you don't feel guilty?

[Aiden]

Nope.

[Jake Johnson]

So keep the carbs out of this season without compromising flavor with Hero Bread. Get 10% off your order at Hero Co and use code help at checkout. That's help at H E R O Dell Technologies Cyber Monday event is live and if you've been waiting for an AI ready PC, this is their biggest sale of the year. Tech enthusiasts love this sale because it's all the newest hits plus all the greatest hits all on sale at once. Savings on Dell technologies. Most popular PCs that accelerate AI with Intel Core Ultra processors are here like the XPS 16. So if you're ready to step up all things you like to do, streaming, surfing, multitasking, whatever, Dell Technologies AI Ready PCs are the perfect upgrade. And for the best of Intel Core Ultra processors, look for Intel EVO Edition laptops engineered to do it all. Just visit Dell.com deals whether you're treating yourself or thinking of others. These cyber Monday prices were worth the wait. But it's only here for a limited time. Shop [e-mail] deals.

[Aiden]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello there. What's your name, how old are you, and where are you calling from?

[Aiden]

My name is Aiden Steffenson and I'm 32 years old, and I'm from Whitehorse, Yukon.

[Jake Johnson]

Aidan. 32, you said?

[Aiden]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Where is Whitehorse, Yukon, exactly? Jake and I know, but some of our listeners might.

[Aiden]

We're right next to Alaska.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay. Aiden, you've piqued some interest. Aidan.

[George]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you're our first art. You're our first Alaskan, honestly.

[Aiden]

Well, I'm not Alaskan. I'm from the Yukon. I'm Canadian.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, let's plow through. And what matters is that we can edit that out. So go ahead. What can we help you with or try to help you with again? We do like to set a low bar, but we're rooting for you.

[Aiden]

I'm getting married in a couple of months, and my fiance has tasked me with choosing the location of our honeymoon. So she's quite a bit more traveled than I am. She's lived in England, she's lived in Paris. She lived in Australia, Costa Rica. She's traveled all over the place, and I am not as experienced at traveling, and so I'm drawing a bit of a blank with where we should go.

[Dan Johnson]

All right, well, we got to learn a little bit more about you guys. So, Aiden, you're from the Yukon, born and bred?

[Aiden]

No, I grew up just outside of Winnipeg.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, so you're. You're a Canadian boy.

[Aiden]

Yes.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, and where'd you meet your lovely fiance?

[Aiden]

I met her here in Whitehorse, Yukon, at a bike shop.

[Dan Johnson]

Bicycle or motorcycle?

[Aiden]

Bicycle.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay. What's her name?

[Aiden]

Her name is Kate.

[Dan Johnson]

Kate. Where's Kate from originally?

[Aiden]

Kate is from the Yukon.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay, A couple of you. Okay. So why does she travel so much then? What is Kate? What's her kind of energy? She's just a traveler, or is this through work?

[Aiden]

She was a traveler, and she was a red seal pastry chef. So she became a pastry chef, kind of used that as her ticket to explore the globe.

[Dan Johnson]

Cool. Walk us through what that means. Red seal pastry chef.

[Aiden]

So it's a recognized trade. So you've met the standards and you've completed the exams and the tests, and it's a recognized skill set.

[Dan Johnson]

So she is like a top pastry chef from the Yukon, and because of her skill set, she's traveled the globe doing this.

[Aiden]

Exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

So she's an amazing pastry chef.

[Dan Johnson]

Hayden, you grabbed hold of a nice one here. Nice win.

[Aiden]

Yeah, don't I know it.

[Dan Johnson]

This is a nice win for you, buddy. And so she said to you, I don't want to think about the honeymoon. You plan it and you go, well, I'm a guy from Winnipeg who lives in the Yukon. You want to do something around here? And she said, plan something. Great.

[Aiden]

We've been to Winnipeg. It's not a honeymoon destination. We'll put it that way.

[Dan Johnson]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

My guess is you're feeling this pressure, obviously, because she's been a lot of places. Do you want to take her somewhere totally new? Is that kind of the goal? Seems like.

[Aiden]

I think so, yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah.

[Aiden]

I think it's fun to explore something together for the first time instead of, you know, one of you saying, well, you know, this is. This is what you do when you're in this place.

[Dan Johnson]

Agreed. You don't. Nobody wants to be driving the train because the beginning of a marriage is. And Gareth is not marriage. So I can explain this to him. You guys are embarking on this journey together, and the honeymoon begins it. Yeah, I expected a bigger reaction from Aiden on that one, but I'll just eat a little bit of shit on that one.

[Jake Johnson]

It was. It felt like for you, music was swelling.

[Dan Johnson]

I thought so, too. I thought Aiden and I were gonna connect and run wild.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it felt like I was kind of shut out.

[Dan Johnson]

I tried. Yeah, well, I tried to get an Aiden Jake thing and it backed up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, really. By the way, Jaden would have been an unbelievable tag team name for you too, but that's just kind of gone now. Okay, Aiden, so I think what we need to do is, obviously we're very interested in you, but this is kind of a Kate issue, so we need to kind of figure out what she would like. Now, are there any places she's been to that she said are amazing, not to return, but just to sort of give us a profile?

[Aiden]

So she really liked the English countryside and talked about going back there.

[Jake Johnson]

It's where my mother lives. That can be helpful. Okay.

[Aiden]

And she talks a lot about a trip she took to Sri Lanka.

[Jake Johnson]

Geez, she's. You're giving us some real swinging spectrum stuff here. Okay. English countryside in Sri Lanka.

[Aiden]

It's like French fries and salad, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, absolutely. Has she ever said to you any places that she's dying to go to? I mean, that seems like a pretty straightforward route.

[Aiden]

I've heard Portugal a number of times.

[Dan Johnson]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Dan Johnson]

Now can I jump in for a second Gareth, even though Aiden and I have zero connection.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that really fizzled.

[Dan Johnson]

I'm gonna try to build it back up.

[Jake Johnson]

That'll be interesting to watch.

[Dan Johnson]

So, Aiden, we've heard a lot about Kate, but we haven't heard a lot about you.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you kiss ass.

[Dan Johnson]

Oh, look at Aiden. I getting flirty again.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop.

[Dan Johnson]

So embarrassing. Where are three dream? Like, if you go to me, you. Jakey J. Where do you want to go? I'm going to tell you right off the bat. I want to go to Japan, I want to go to Vietnam and I want to go to Kauai. Those are three places I have not been. I want to go. Aiden, do you have three places?

[Aiden]

Mexico City, Fun. Thailand.

[Dan Johnson]

Fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Aiden]

And Japan as well.

[Dan Johnson]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Ok. Aren't you guys just firing on all cylinders suddenly?

[Dan Johnson]

Let's get rid of Kate and let's go to Japan. My guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, I'm going to need you to remember what the show is and just kind of relax this like, attempt for you and a to kind.

[Dan Johnson]

So we've got Mexico City, Thailand, Japan. From her, we've got Portugal, English countryside and Sri Lanka. Correct.

[Aiden]

Correct.

[Dan Johnson]

Now I'm going to ask one more question and then the Garf man is going to take over. If you could kind of describe you and Kate's connection, what's the love story about? Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Lovely.

[Dan Johnson]

So like my love story with my wife, she's an artist. We connected on the arts. We connected on the idea of family together. We both connected. We love the Yosemite area, things like that. So that was an easy kind of build for us. What's kind of the build for you guys?

[Aiden]

We connected over mountain biking and then we found that we shared a lot of the same values.

[Dan Johnson]

Yep.

[Aiden]

And you know, we had similar political leanings and just kind of hit it off from there.

[Dan Johnson]

So mountain biking out of those. Because the values and the politics, I think are wonderful, but they don't make for exciting honeymoon. But mountain biking could. Is the idea of having an adventure honeymoon you think would be cool for her?

[Aiden]

I think so.

[Dan Johnson]

I do too.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. You think that's something she'd like to do? She'd like to go. Rather than, you know, relaxing by a beach or something like that. You think a little more active would kind of be the angle. She would.

[Aiden]

She would go for some action, some relaxing. We could. We could do a little of both.

[Dan Johnson]

100%. I'm doing a quick Google search. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. How far from Portugal to Mexico City? I'm just gonna See, do you think.

[Jake Johnson]

Because she's mentioned port, do you think she's mentioned Portugal? Does she know that you know she wants to go to Portugal? Do you think she knows that?

[Aiden]

Yes, yes, we've talked about that.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you think that would be a. Would she enjoy the fact that she's going to a place that she's always wanted to go? Or do you think she'd be like, oh, Aiden, I thought you'd do something a little bit more creative.

[Aiden]

I think she's hoping for some creativity and some maybe a little more effort on my part.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so Portugal is just too simple.

[Aiden]

Portugal's that low hanging fruit that if I fail to come up with something, we'll do that.

[Dan Johnson]

But hold on. But even if it was an entire tour of Portugal and for two days you did mountain biking. Two days you were on the beaches and you really explored it and you planned like a seven day adventure trip based off a place you know she wants to go. You guys think that's low hanging fruit?

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't say that. That's your buddy Aiden. Who said that? Jake. Are you guys fighting? Are you off again?

[Dan Johnson]

No, we're definitely on. Okay, I'm the Kate. I'm the Kate to his Aiden.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, well, it's not. I think Kate's the Kate to. Okay, go ahead.

[Dan Johnson]

So here's what I kind of feel about Portugal. What I was really hoping for in the three and threes is that you guys had one place together in terms of a dream place for both of you. But it feels like if you pick a place where you know she wants to go, it's the equivalent of going to a restaurant where you know you're gonna like it. And I don't see for a honeymoon, what you don't want to do is you don't want to go to Mexico City and have her go like, well, this is. Okay, it's just way more crowded than I imagined and not exactly what I thought. Or go all the way to Japan and she goes like, this is fun, but it doesn't feel like us. It feels more like you. So I would consider, if I were you, I would do port, I would do Portugal, but I would plan things around that she doesn't have to think about it. And you plan a honeymoon of both of your shared interests that you do a couple days on the beaches, you do one really romantic night there, you do a crazy mountain bike trip that takes you from like one place on the country to an entire other place and you end in a way where it's just really about connecting. And so the final night is you're in some really romantic bungalow where you guys get to talk about essentially your guys values and what have connected you to.

[Aiden]

That's really fantastic advice.

[Dan Johnson]

Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's Jake's and Aiden. I know you guys are firing again. I mean things are happening betwixt the two of you. But I'm going to jump in with your non Portugal options. I'm a citizen of the United Kingdom as well. England. It's okay. If you like England, you're going to love Scotland. Now it might not be your mountain biking trip, but I have a pitch for that after this. But Scotland is really a fantastic country. So if you think that the English countryside that Scotland. Scotland's going to leave the United Kingdom, it knows it's got it. So great. Right. My other pitch. And this is like my favorite country I've been to even though I've only been there briefly. And you can do, you can mountain bike and there's a lot of options and its magic is New Zealand.

[Dan Johnson]

Ooh, is right.

[Jake Johnson]

New Zealand is a great country. It's, it's. I mean having driven through it. Not again there. There's so many options of things to do there. Mountain biking among them. And after a Google it highly recommends New Zealand for mountain biking. It's beautiful. It's one of these places that definitely I would imagine, like, while I'm not going to say it has like the Portugal feel because I wouldn't be able to tell you that has. It just does feel tropical. It's like a big Hawaii. It is. I mean much like I'm saying the UK England is like the shitty Scotland. Australia is like the shitty New Zealand. New Zealand is, man. I mean they shot Lord of the Rings there. So that would be my swing for the fences pitch.

[Dan Johnson]

Before you answer, Aiden, for anybody who was just offended by that, which I'm sure there's a lot of you, I want you guys to all know that was Gareth Reynolds personal opinion.

[Jake Johnson]

But we sign off on everything that airs. Absolutely.

[Dan Johnson]

And I believe it's Arith Reynolds or something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

It's Reynolds. Gareth. I don't mind taking the heat. The Australians know who they are.

[Aiden]

I'm going to connect with Gareth for a second and I'm going to agree about Australia. It would be great if it weren't for all the Australians.

[Jake Johnson]

Aidan, I just wanted to let you know I know you were hanging out at the Chateau de Johnson for a little while, but let me tell you, the Gare B and B, the doors are wide open and we've got a bed ready for you.

[Dan Johnson]

And I guess you guys all hate Australians. Who I like?

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, quit pandering. You've been pandering to aid and it didn't work out. Now you're Australian.

[Dan Johnson]

I will go to the Australian.

[Jake Johnson]

So thirsty.

[Dan Johnson]

So, Aiden, you've gotten two different pieces of advice. I hate to say it, but I think the New Zealand thing is a hell of a play.

[Aiden]

I think that's a fantastic idea.

[Dan Johnson]

And so what do you how we like to kind of end these is we can throw out our pitches, but from this and obviously things will change. What do you think you're going to do?

[Aiden]

I think I'm leaning New Zealand at this point.

[Jake Johnson]

Cool, that's great.

[Aiden]

I think there's both. I think, I think the romantic, you know, seven days, plan it out. I think connecting at the end. I really like your pitch, Jake, but Gareth has made a fantastic play for New Zealand.

[Dan Johnson]

I think so too. And I think honestly the other thing about the New Zealand pitch, which is kind of nice, is it's neither of yours. So that therefore it's your guys'together yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody's heard New Zealand and been like.

[Dan Johnson]

No, yeah, you're right.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll tell you what I like about it is exactly what Jake said. And the other thing that I like about it is that it's the pitch that bonded you and I together, Aiden. And really after Jake was trying to get some heat going between you, the whole call, it just kind of didn't work. And you and I kind of connected in a really natural way and it just kind of happened naturally, which I love.

[Dan Johnson]

The other thing that I think has been great on this call is it's really bonded me with Australians.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But they're not here. And again, it just feels so pandery. It's like after they. They know what you just did to Aiden, so they're not going to fall for that. While I will say they're a shit here in New Zealand, they're not idiots, Jake. And I don't think they should be treated like such.

[Dan Johnson]

It's also bonded me with the people, the beautiful people of the United Kingdom where I lived in Richmond. And I love them. And I love them, Jake. I mean, what you're just the English and the Australians. Welcome to team Jakey J. Yeah, but it's just. And that's not what this is about, Aiden. No, we really appreciate you calling. I think you got two great options. Seems like you got a really nice thing with Kate, we wish you all the best, my man. Thank you for coming.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And please keep us posted as far as if you do, if you do, make that trip happen, how it goes.

[Dan Johnson]

And we would also love to hear if you do, her reaction.

[Aiden]

Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you, fellas. It's been very helpful.

[Dan Johnson]

Thank you so much for.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, Aiden. See you, bud. You're my buddy. You and I got that going. Take care, bud.

[Aiden]

Thank you.

[Dan Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiyo and our video editor is John de Bruyne.

[Dan Johnson]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you could change. Check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R.

[Jake Johnson]

A L L I.com the album artwork is by James Fosdike. You can find him on Instagram at jamesfosdike D I K e. And if you'd like to see me do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Additional artwork by Paddy Holland. You can find him on Instagram @pady holland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] heretohelpod.

[Dan Johnson]

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com.

[Jake Johnson]

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Sarah]

Bombas makes the most comfortable socks, underwear, and T shirts.

[Dan Johnson]

Warning, Bombas are so absurdly comfortable, you may throw out all your other clothes.

[Sarah]

Sorry, do we legally have to say that?

[Dan Johnson]

No, this is just how I talk. And I really love my Bombas.

[Sarah]

They do feel that good. And they do good too. One item purchased equals one item donated.

[Dan Johnson]

To feel good and do good, go to bombas.com wondry and use code wondry for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com wondry and use code wondry at checkout.