131: It's Grandma Time!

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help – Episode 131: It's Grandma Time!

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: November 14, 2024

In Episode 131 titled "It's Grandma Time!", hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds dive into the familial complexities surrounding tough relationships with grandparents. This episode primarily revolves around Chelsea, a 27-year-old caller from Vermont, seeking advice on how to handle her mean-spirited grandmother, Rose.

Caller Spotlight: Chelsea from Vermont [05:51]

Chelsea begins her call by sharing her longstanding struggles with her grandmother, Rose, whom she describes as a "4 foot 8 of terror." From a young age, Chelsea has endured Rose's unkind remarks, especially concerning her appearance and weight during her pregnancy.

Chelsea’s Story Highlights:

• Early Encounters: At 12 years old, Rose comments on Chelsea’s physical appearance, asking, “Are those real?” in reference to Chelsea’s developing body.
• Recent Insults: During Chelsea’s pregnancy, Rose disparages her weight gain, stating, “you’ve gotten really fat,” which Chelsea finds both hurtful and unwarranted.

Hosts’ Advice and Strategies [10:09]

Gareth Reynolds and his sidekick, Dan Johnson, engage in a lively discussion to formulate effective strategies for Chelsea to confront Rose’s negativity.

Key Advice Offered:

1. Emotional Detachment through Humor:

   • Roast Battle: Gareth suggests Chelsea engage in a humorous roast battle with Rose, responding to insults with witty comebacks. For instance, if Rose comments on Chelsea’s weight, Chelsea could retort with, “I honestly think you’re shrinking.”
   • Celebratory Responses: Transforming insults into moments of celebration, such as tossing confetti when Rose makes a negative comment, thereby defusing the tension and turning the situation into a lighthearted event.

   Notable Quote:
   Dan Johnson [10:35]: “I mean, it's obvious.”

2. Unified Family Front:

   • Family Support: Rallying the entire family to collectively ignore Rose’s mean remarks or to respond in unison with laughter can confuse Rose and diminish her negative impact.

   Notable Quote:
   Gareth Reynolds [15:04]: “That could confuse her because then she'll go, everything. You're doing everything wrong, and you crack up and you go, you're the best.”

3. Setting Boundaries with Assertiveness:

   • Direct Confrontation: Chelsea is encouraged to address Rose’s behavior head-on, stating, “Rose, I forgive you,” to facilitate understanding and potentially mend their relationship.
   • Public Signage: Utilizing signs like “Grandma Time” to create a consistent response that shifts the dynamic from confrontation to playful acknowledgment.

   Notable Quote:
   Shaun (Dan) Johnson [14:03]: “This is like Joe Pesci in Casino Casino.”

4. Leveraging Family Dynamics:

   • Role Reversal: Suggesting role play or dramatic assertions to make Rose aware of her behavior, such as “shave Dr. Phil's mustache” or other humorous tactics to highlight the absurdity of her comments.

   Notable Quote:
   Chelsea [10:25]: “Here's what you've got to do. You've got to say to Rose, you gotta go right up to that 4 foot 8 ball of venom.”

Chelsea’s Response and Implementation [15:42]

Chelsea reflects on the advice and expresses her inclination to adopt a humorous and assertive approach, aiming to shift Rose's negative behavior into a more manageable dynamic.

Chelsea’s Plan:

• Humorous Retaliation: Utilizing catchphrases like “Grandma Time” to create a recurring, light-hearted response to Rose’s insults.
• Family Involvement: Coordinating with family members to support her approach, ensuring a united front that diminishes Rose’s targeting.

Notable Quote:
Chelsea [20:32]: “What are bullies most afraid of? Derision. It's called making fun of them, Jake.”

Conclusion and Takeaways [21:42]

As the episode wraps up, Chelsea commits to implementing the suggested strategies, emphasizing the importance of solidarity and humor in overcoming familial strife. The hosts reinforce the significance of standing firm and not allowing negative influences to overshadow personal happiness and well-being.

Final Insights:

• Humor as a Defense: Utilizing humor can transform hostile interactions into manageable and even enjoyable exchanges.
• Family Unity: Collective support from family members enhances the effectiveness of any strategy aimed at mitigating negative behavior.
• Personal Empowerment: Empowering oneself to handle criticism with grace and wit fosters resilience and personal growth.

Notable Quote:
Kevin Bartelt [21:36]: “That's exactly right. Yeah. And you're not going to miss.”

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Chelsea: "Here's what you gotta do. You've got to say to Rose, you gotta go right up to that 4 foot 8 ball of venom." [10:56]
• Dan Johnson: “This is like Joe Pesci in Casino Casino.” [14:06]
• Chelsea: “What are bullies most afraid of? Derision." [20:32]
• Kevin Bartelt: “That's exactly right. Yeah. And you're not going to miss.” [21:36]

Final Thoughts

Episode 131 of "We're Here to Help" offers a blend of heartfelt advice and comedic relief, addressing the intricate challenges of dealing with a difficult family member. Through Chelsea’s story, listeners gain insights into leveraging humor, family support, and assertiveness to navigate and potentially improve strained relationships.

For more advice and to share your own stories, listeners are encouraged to email their questions to [e-mail].

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Kevin Bartelt]

And we are back. Kevin, you were just off camera talking about another episode.

[Dan Johnson]

You really liked the guy who shit in the woods and his friends called him out on it and he wanted to like get back at him. I'm just looking through some of the calls and then the like one here and I shout out to our associate producer AJ who writes some of these. One just called Magician bullshit. And I know exactly. That was with Eric Edelstein. And the guy was like, yes, by the way.

[Kevin Bartelt]

He was good though.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, he was great. Because people like fully committing to weird is just so funny with the show.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Exactly right.

[Dan Johnson]

Mr. Gareth Reynolds is back and better than ever. We're just starting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we in the middle of one?

[Kevin Bartelt]

We are. What do you got?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Jake, it's. It seems like recently you've. You've captured America's attention with your weird yard plans where you want to have a pool full of turtles and gorillas and. You know what I'm talking about, right, Jake? How you're putting. How your yards becoming a weird mausoleum. You understand? A weird, like sort of zone of dead animals. No. You don't remember this?

[Kevin Bartelt]

I can't hear you with. I'm just seeing that cat staring at me from behind you that's literally bigger than your head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, I saw something the other day and I thought of you. Oh. And I wanted to give it to you in person, but it, you know, I don't Know the next time we'll be in person, baby. But I got you.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Holy Gareth. That's not a joke. That's incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I got you.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to describe it? I don't want you to like it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's. I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How would you describe it?

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a balding Bigfoot.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's half gorilla man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Half big. But that's not fully Bigfoot, I don't think. Do you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I kind of do. I think it's a Sasquatch. But he's really. He's. He's bald, which I love about it. A little Planet of the Apes.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Too little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's a halfling, so you can kind of.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You could. You could. You could put that on a fucking tree. My man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, buddy. Let's look at your wheels turning.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I wish if that was here right now. God damn it. It'd be right here, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'd be a fucking two shot for you to Gareth. To have this.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're very well.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Like it? I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Jake, where did you.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Where did you get it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where'd you see it? I got it at. I can't remember. I was just at a random garden store. I can't remember where the hell it was. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

I appreciate it, man.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's truly beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Jake, I'm on your side when it comes to turning your yard into a really weird little animal area.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And how would Steve respond? By you giving me something that's probably Bigfoot and not him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm going to tell you. This is what I found lately with Steve stuff. It's the reaction you're not expecting. Steve loves Bigfoot. Are you ready? This is what I think you do. Ooh, buddy, I don't know if you want that in your yard. That could beckon some evil. Evil Bigfoot. Which is a thing. They're dimensional travelers, brother. That could be a portal or. I don't know. If you want to open that can of worms.

[Kevin Bartelt]

The other turn could be this. I don't know why you would send that to me. I'm not a huge fan of Bigfoot. I don't believe in Bigfoot. I find there's nothing interesting about Bigfoot. It is simply in a. It's a very mainstream occult opportunity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I'm talking about. It's like. It's like that. Where you'll be like, oh, man, how cool are aliens? It'll go. They're there to distract you, buddy. There's no such thing. There are rips in the fabric of time that I love.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Or he'll go. He'll go. Aliens are wild. He'll go, yeah, they're little green things that exist in movies, in pop culture, but not in the 15th universe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's drunk and high, and he's telling you this.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, wait, my chicken's burning. Without further ado. Hi, how are you?

[Aaron]

Good, how are you?

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'm doing great. Can we get your name, please?

[Aaron]

Yes. So I'm going to use the name Chelsea today.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Chelsea today. Okay. And where are you calling from?

[Aaron]

Vermont.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Vermont. Chelsea, Vermont. And about how old are you, Chelsea?

[Aaron]

27.

[Kevin Bartelt]

27. So I got bad news and then I got good news. The bad news is Gareth Reynolds is not here today because he's doing a live show in Alaska. The good news is my brother Dan Johnson is.

[Chelsea]

You get it, Chelsea from Vermont.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You won the lottery, baby. You won, baby, you won. So you got the older brother, the man, the myth, the legend, the king himself, Mr. Dan Johnson. What's up, Chelsea?

[Chelsea]

I had to get here. When I heard that there's just a possibility of Chelsea From Vermont at 27.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I literally begged Jake.

[Chelsea]

It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. I begged him to be a part of it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

He was saying to the shark, wait, Chelsea, Chelsea, Put me on. Put me on. She's the 27 year old, right? Come on, please, Jake, come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I never asked for anything.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So, Chelsea, Vermont, 27, the floor is yours.

[Aaron]

All right, so this story kind of starts many, many years ago. So my grandmother has always been kind of a mean girl in my life.

[Kevin Bartelt]

That's a surprise.

[Chelsea]

I didn't see that coming from neither.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Neither.

[Aaron]

So she's 4 foot 8 of terror. Wow.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Stop turning me on.

[Chelsea]

Is she with us?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

So all the way back to when I was 12 years old, she's always just been extremely, extremely mean to me. Just randomly. Like I don't do anything to provoke this. I mean, for instance, like one time she walked into my house and stared at me and asked me, are those real? When I.

[Kevin Bartelt]

In terms of your boobs. What?

[Aaron]

My 12 year old boobs.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Wow.

[Aaron]

And then, so it's just progressively gotten worse over the years.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's not. It's not normal.

[Aaron]

Grandma's cook, like baked cookies. This one doesn't. So. So then recently, I am like seven and a half months pregnant. Yeah. And so she comes up. I hadn't seen her in a little while, so I was like, oh my God, Graham, you're so tiny and cute. Like, I missed you. And she goes yeah, you've gotten really fat.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, wow.

[Aaron]

Like, you've gained a lot of weight. And for instance, like, I've gained, like, 15 pounds to begin with, but, okay, I'm pregnant. Like, I'm allowed to.

[Chelsea]

That's not a lot. That's not a lot.

[Aaron]

And so then I was like, oh, actually, I haven't really gained anything. And she's like, well, it doesn't look like it. So at this point, I'm like, okay, I guess.

[Kevin Bartelt]

By the way, she's also 4 8.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Let's not forget that's a very little grandma.

[Dan Johnson]

Your grandma should be a touring comedian.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Exactly. Your grandma's in the Golden Girl.

[Chelsea]

She's the Italian one.

[Kevin Bartelt]

She's. What are you talking about? You're short, you're fat, you're ugly.

[Aaron]

So she walks away and goes up to my dad and is like, oh, yeah. I mean, she's got the big belly, but, like, her ass has gotten huge.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Jesus. Wow.

[Chelsea]

She's definitely Blanche.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Blanche is the flirty one. Yeah, she is. Yeah. We're talking. She's not Rose. All right, she's back to Rose. She's the old one.

[Chelsea]

Rose. Rose is the Italian one.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah, she's Rose.

[Chelsea]

She's Rose.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Can we call your grandma Rose?

[Aaron]

Sure, go right ahead.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Okay.

[Chelsea]

Nice.

[Kevin Bartelt]

All right, Chelsea, so you got a mean old grandma. She calls you fat, she says you have fake boobs, and she bullies you. And she's four. Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Aaron]

And my question is, how do I make her stop being mean to me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or do I.

[Aaron]

Like, how do I. Is this, like. Does she think we're in a competition? How do I get out of that? I don't know.

[Kevin Bartelt]

This is easy. Go ahead, Dan. I didn't think it was easy, but you go ahead.

[Chelsea]

No, this is like mean grandma advice 101.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Chelsea]

Here's what you do. Because, listen, Rose, she is consumed with envy. Chelsea. She's wanted everything that you are.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Ooh, Dr. Dan. Right?

[Chelsea]

I mean, it's obvious.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Shave Dr. Phil's mustache. Put it on your face. Dr. Dance here.

[Chelsea]

Oh, I gotta shave my head then.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yes, exactly.

[Chelsea]

Here's what you gotta do. You've got to say to Rose, you gotta go right up to that 4 foot 8 ball of venom.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

And you gotta say, rose, I forgive you. Because I understand, Rose, I understand you can't be me, and it's okay. And I forgive you. She will melt like the Wicked Witch of the west instantly. And she'll bake you cookies the next day. Next caller, we're done.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So here so, Chelsea, that's an option. The other option is I say you get in a roast battle with her. I think she goes, you've gotten fat. And you go like this. I honest to God think you're shrinking. Oh, yeah. Going this. You're the littlest person I've ever seen from your point of view. Everybody's gaining weight. You're shrinking.

[Chelsea]

Okay.

[Kevin Bartelt]

All right. Then you're holding a drink. Put it on her head. And you go, oops, sorry. I thought you were a coffee table.

[Chelsea]

To put a golf ball on her head. Say, I want a tee off, sweetie.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah, I literally. I'm sorry, honey. I thought you were a tea.

[Aaron]

I think. I mean, I could definitely come at her with quite a few things just because, like, she used to date all my dad's friends when he was in his 20s.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Wow.

[Aaron]

There's definitely comments I can come out with. But it's depending like, I don't want to ruin, you know, my family over here.

[Chelsea]

Wait a minute. Is she. Is she your father's mother?

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Chelsea]

And so she dated her son's friends after.

[Aaron]

Actually, my parents met because she was dating my mom's brother.

[Chelsea]

Oh, man. This is getting super fun, Chelsea.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah, I agree. Superstition. I've watched these videos. I'm not proud of them, but I've watched them. I don't like that. I've watched them, but I have watched. Very interesting. I don't like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'm doing it for science. That's why I gotta watch the video a hundred times.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It was an accident. I don't know how to press the. You porn. I meant YouTube. So you got a crazy grandma. Chelsea, how does the family feel about this woman?

[Aaron]

It's. It's definitely interesting. We all kind of just like debrief after she leaves and have give up all the comments that she's made, man.

[Vic Mikaelis]

But.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But your family just keeps ticking. You guys just all keep hanging out together.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

She comes to everything incredible.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And what's her.

[Aaron]

What's her age is late 70s, I think.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Late 70s. Used to hook up with her sons, friends, insults, everybody. She's like a. It's like she's a villain. And so your question is, what do I do now?

[Chelsea]

Attack the villain.

[Aaron]

Yeah. How do I. Is there a way to put it out?

[Chelsea]

Cut off this. Cut off the head of the snake.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yes.

[Dan Johnson]

This is like Joe Pesci and Goodfellas.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Or this is like Joe Pesci in Casino Casino.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And he's ruining Vegas for you, and you're De Niro. So here's where we're in a little bit of trouble, Chelsea, because if you go hard at Rose. Grandma Rose here, and your family doesn't, now you're just in a weird fight with an old lady.

[Aaron]

Right.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I think you need to rally the entire family because of the birth of.

[Chelsea]

Your baby that's actually smarter.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Right? And maybe you go to everybody and you say, hey, guys, you have two options. Either we say, we don't want this continuing anymore, and we're icing you out. So when she says a mean comment, you all go, like, at the same time and drown her out. Or. I've got an idea. Let's do this. When she makes a mean comment, treat her like she's a roast comic and everybody cracks up.

[Chelsea]

That's.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It'll confuse her. She'll go like this. Well, you're. As a mother, you're not a good one. You're just a fat stump. And if everybody cracks up and you go, rose, you killed me on that. You're the best. I love you. Thank you for the great advice.

[Chelsea]

That's better. See?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah. Right? That could confuse her, because then she'll go, everything. You're doing everything wrong, and you crack up and you go, you're the best. I love you so much. I really do. I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for the great advice.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So, Chelsea, we've given you some things here. Where are you at right now? What do you think, and what path are you interested in?

[Aaron]

I think treating her like she's a roast comic is very possible, I think, just, like, laughing at her as if, like, the things she's saying aren't actually serious.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

So that maybe she thinks, like, oh, wow, maybe that was kind of off the cuff.

[Chelsea]

And then Jake's right. But one way I'd add to it, if you come up with your universal catchphrase, like, oh, snap.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Or like, grandma's back. Oh, Grandma. Yeah, Grandma. Oh, Grandma's grammar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Grandma time.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Grandma. What if you all go grandma time. Chelsea, what if you. What if you treat it like it's an 80s sitcom and whenever she does a thing, she's the, like, crusty old grandma. Everybody cranks up and you go like, grandma time. Then in front of her, you're telling the other siblings the really funny joke she made.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So then I walked in and I was breastfeeding, and she said, your boobs are disgusting.

[Chelsea]

And then everybody can Go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's Grandma.

[Kevin Bartelt]

What do you think of that? Look, it's a weird pitch, but there's a world. This could work.

[Aaron]

I think it could work. I just. I think, like, really just making her realize what kind of like a little bit of a joke she's acting like.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yes, there it is. I think it's possible you're turning her into a clown.

[Chelsea]

Right.

[Dan Johnson]

And just to quickly go back to something, we kind of blew by. If she ever crosses a line with you, Chelsea, feel free to say, grandma, why did you date my dad's friend?

[Kevin Bartelt]

By the. Agreed.

[Chelsea]

That's right.

[Vic Mikaelis]

But.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So, Chelsea, now do us a favor. Walk us through what you're going to do.

[Aaron]

Okay. So she's going to say something mean that's just going to happen. She's probably going to say something like, oh, you haven't lost that baby weight yet. Like, oh, my God, that's so funny. Graham. Oh, my God. You hear her, Jay? Did you hear her? She just told me I didn't lose the baby weight yet.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, my God.

[Aaron]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I would even say, go bigger. Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Much bigger.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You want to know why? And I'm going to tell you why. Because that. I could almost feel your feelings got hurt. Yeah.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I would take away all. I would literally treat her as if the joke is, she's the funniest person on planet Earth. I would consider falling to the ground laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And I would. When she goes like, you haven't lost the weight, push her. Get her to say the really mean line. Go. What do you mean? I mean, you've gotten bigger. What do you mean? I mean, you're fat. And then when she says, you know what you could also do? You could have a little bell or a little, like, air horn. And whenever she has an insult, somebody goes. And she goes, what is this? And we go. Every time you do one of your classic Grandma time burns, we get. We celebrate.

[Dan Johnson]

Sings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And she does. When you. You throw a little confetti in there. And then she goes, like, to your dad. Well, you've always been useless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grandma time.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And if you guys are like an.

[Chelsea]

Alcoholic family, you could take a shot every time.

[Kevin Bartelt]

She insisted, by the way. Don't even say if you guys are. That lady doesn't start that group. And everybody comes out going, I'm healthy. I'm good.

[Dan Johnson]

Just to sell some water for me.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Are you in the program? No, I just don't. I don't need to drink at a family event. I just need to. So, Chelsea, what do you Think about really heightening and going for it, like, making it weird.

[Aaron]

I think it's a good idea. I think it's very possible. I'm not sure I could get away with an air horn. She might freak out a little bit, but I think I could definitely, definitely heighten it. And if I get other people in on it when we can, like, scream grandma time or something.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And you know what you can also do? You guys could all get together and mention all her greatest burns that she's done to you over the years and have signs even better, like, are those real? Are those real?

[Chelsea]

You can make T shirts.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And so she realizes they're treating me like a joke. And then what she'll probably do is get real nasty. And then you guys have to really double down on the laughing. Yeah, and then I think she's gonna realize there's no win here and maybe get nicer to follow up.

[Chelsea]

Jake, look, let's get serious for a minute.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Talk to me.

[Chelsea]

What are bullies most afraid of? Derision.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Derision.

[Chelsea]

It's called making fun of them, Jake. Like, if you make fun of them.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'm gonna hang you from a flag by your underwear. I'm gonna shove you in a locker. I'm not afraid of derision. I'm afraid of my stepdad, Stephen. So if you mock a bully. They hate it. They hate it.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So, Chelsea, will you please follow up with us with what happens with this one? And I promise you, don't. Just don't go soft. If you're going to do it, you either go 100 miles an hour or you don't do it. Yeah, you can't live in the middle on this one, because then she's. You're going to be in her spider web and she's just going to kill you, and everyone in your family is going to chicken out.

[Chelsea]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

Yeah. And if I look weak, she's going to. She's going to.

[Kevin Bartelt]

She's killed you.

[Chelsea]

Aim it for the king. You best not miss.

[Kevin Bartelt]

That's exactly right. Yeah. And you're not going to miss.

[Chelsea]

No, Chelsea.

[Aaron]

You got it. It's going to go well.

[Kevin Bartelt]

All right, Chelsea.

[Dan Johnson]

Thanks, Chelsea.

[Aaron]

All right. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace. Listen, we're here to solve problems, and Squarespace helps us. The problem solvers also solve problems, despite being really easy to use and very user friendly, despite the fact that Kevin and I both have our personal websites used by the Squarespace template. Again, makes it look very professional. We also have Squarespace step In like a great bench player on the here to help basketball team. I'm pushing it. They have helped us make websites for problems that we needed to solve. When people need something to promote them or corroborate a fib. Because, look, sometimes you got to get in the dirt. You got to muck it up a little bit. Squarespace helps us with that.

[Dan Johnson]

It is shocking how many problems you can solve with a convincing website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we honestly, dare I call it a crutch, eventually, because you would go, like, we could just make you a website and we would just make them a website. Yeah, I mean, it. It really is. You could make it for whatever, but also your business. It doesn't always have to be for nefarious activities. They have design, intelligence, Squarespace payments connect, social and multimedia accounts, invoicing. You could sell your content, SEO tools. Truly, the list goes on and on. We love Squarespace. Squarespace loves us. I've been told. I haven't actually had contact with them. They don't return emails. Some of them bounce back, which is funny. But join the Squarespace movement, people.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Head to squarespace.com/. Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code. Gil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Philo. Listen. Philosophy. Got current seasons of shows that I can't miss. We can't miss. We watch TV together live on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery, and TLC. You've got the classics. The Office, Martin, Friends. What did I say? The classics. I'm not lying. Shows you can watch over and over again. Originals on AMC, Mad Men, Orphan Black. It's also got 75,000 movies and shows. That is the rest of your life's viewing pleasure right there. All right? You can rewatch it over and over again. And look, I've said it before. Jake and I. Jake and I will text about some of the shows that maybe aren't as mainstream. We have a lot of those in common. One of those is Love after Lockup or Life after Lockup. This show is something you should really get involved in. It's a very bingeable show, and it is available here, so. But also Jersey Shore family vacation, Catfish. Honestly, the re. One of the reasons Jake and I were able to start this show was because of Jake's love of catfish. So Golden Girls, best pilot ever made. You can go watch all these shows. So do it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Best of all, with Philo, you get all this for just 28 bucks a month. No contracts, no hassles. Just one subscription and a World of entertainment. So go to Philo TV and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's Philo P H I L O TV to start watching. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. To get started, go to mint mobile.com heretohelp there you'll see that right now all three month plans are only $15 a month, including the unlimited plan. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Find out just how easy it is to switch to Mint mobile and get three months of your premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To get this new customer offer and your three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com heretohelp that's mintmobile.com heretohelp Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com hereto help. $45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 a month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Unknown]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there. Very soft spoken. You okay?

[Aaron]

Sorry, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, we're gonna. Something's wrong. We know that. We're gonna fix it. Well, we're here to help. Yeah, you're here. You're here with Gareth and you're here with guest helper Vic Mikaelis. Now, Jake's not here, but you're not going to need them because we feel really good about what we have going here. We've solved a couple problems off Mike and we're ready to solve yours. So what is your name and where are you calling from and what the hell is going on?

[Unknown]

Okay, great. I'm Aaron. I'm from Ohio. So my problem I. Let me set the stage. Are you in a library?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aaron, you might be our most soft spoken caller.

[Unknown]

I'm sorry, am I too sauce yell?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you don't have to. Your yell might be regular to us.

[Unknown]

Probably would be. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go. You can. I feel it. All right, keep going. Sorry.

[I]

That's it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You've hit a really great zone. We're really cooking. Okay, what's going on?

[Unknown]

Okay, my office is at the front of our building. Kind of facing windows that look out at a bike rack, like up against the sidewalk. And there is a gentleman that goes out to smoke and he kind of hops, slash, sits, leans up against a bike rack. And then during that maneuver, his, like, pants fall down. Fall down, and then pretty much. And like, his.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you talking? We're seeing half. Yeah, they don't. Okay. Because it got kind of cartoony in my.

[I]

Multiple times. One time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[I]

Is this a thing that happens or happened?

[Unknown]

It's. It happens like every time he goes out to smoke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're seeing crack?

[Unknown]

Yeah, like a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

75%.

[Unknown]

Sometimes. Yeah. I mean, he doesn't like go smoke in that spot every time, I'm assuming, because I don't see him sometimes, but every time he goes out. Yeah, like his pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you ever call it the bike crack? Could be fun if you started doing that. I'm just. If we don't solve.

[I]

I love that. Make a sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. We might be on the solve. Okay. Okay.

[I]

It's a destination bike rack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like angel wings.

[I]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right. So keep going. Just so we get the full problem out. Okay. So you're seeing a lot. You're seeing. You're almost seeing hole. And then keep going.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And I mean, it's like not up against my window, but it's like in my face. I mean, I'm working and like look over and that's what I see. So I. I guess just like, what. What to do about that? I don't. I don't know what to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you know where he works?

[Unknown]

Yeah, he works on the second floor of my building. I work on the first floor, obviously.

[I]

But do you know this person's name? Like, do you know who this man is?

[Unknown]

No, I don't. Other than can you find out?

[I]

Maybe dox him and then email his family would be my thought. Just right off the bat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like a soft docs. The family part's not going to do. I mean, that might. What I would. Maybe. This is my first pitch. Okay. My first pitch is that get a picture from a place that isn't your office so that he can't go, oh, you took it. And so just get a picture from a different vantage point and then go to the second floor and put up a picture of it just on the door into the second floor that he'll see. And then kind of. That gives awareness. What I don't like about it is that it kind of, you know, kind of like, it is like a little doxy, which, you know, I mean, this guy's just trying to enjoy a heater and he's not. He obviously. I bet you. I think the thing with ass cracks as Someone who has been called on it a number of times is. It is way more out there than you think. Oh, yeah. Yes. I've been told many times, like, buddy, what's going. Are you okay? And I'm like, I'm good. And people are like, that's very presentation. I just feel a little more comfortable with the pants. I don't. I'm not a waste.

[I]

Gareth, is it you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is me. I started smoking again, and I love. I love the feeling of a. A cold steel.

[I]

This is a loved one calling in to let you know that they know that you're smoking again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but I do think, like, I. My guess is to put my. Myself in the pants of this guy. I bet you he does not know how much crack he's showing. I have another pitch. Okay, okay, I want to hear this.

[I]

Because then I have two pitches also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, good. I'm ready for yours. And I, by the way, I think we're going to need them based on how I'm pouring water over.

[I]

No, you're doing such a good job. You're doing such a good job. I'm listening to these pitches and I'm like, that's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're enabling me. I think you get. Go to the Goodwill and get five belts, and on the bike rack, put a sign that says three belts so we don't see ass crack.

[Unknown]

I kind of had that thought. Like, gift him about. Like, just find out where his desk is and just put out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going to seem erotic if you're not careful. Vic, what do you have? Go ahead.

[I]

Okay, so my first pitch is in a similar vein to that pitch, except I would argue, and I'm saying this with so much love, because, again, I can't express what a fan I am. Gareth. It's a little passive aggressive, I would say. Whereas, like, I would say my first thought is maybe if you know sort of approximately what time he's hanging out down there. I don't know how you are with confrontation, but I also think there's a soft and kind way, because you can't be the only person noticing this at this point. Are other people in the office starting to talk about this?

[Unknown]

Well, that's the thing. So, like, my office kind of sits at a weird, like, corner, and I don't think other people can see it unless they're, like, walking out private.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell, yeah.

[I]

But this potentially could be something that other people are noticing. And I would say if this is a person that's, like, not taking that much care in a moment, like, this, there's probably other ways in their life that like maybe they're falling apart. Who knows? They just want somebody to notice them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. This is not just a smoke break issue. This person is unaware of the day to day cracks. Vic.

[I]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do me a favor. We have to employ this tactic on the show from time to time. Please. Aaron, I want. How do you feel about the confrontation pitch, the soft confrontation?

[I]

Because I think you could just go down there and be like, hey, I don't know if you know this, but your pants keep falling down. And so you could either, you could employ the belt situation. But listen, listen, hey, hard. Immediately a tough situation up top, right? But maybe that, like, maybe all it is and then this man's life changes. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thinking about that, it is the pointing out, the booger in the nose. I mean, it is what it is. It's like, do you let the person. It's embarrassing all lunch or do you go, hey, get it out of there. Let's move on.

[I]

Maybe this person has been desperate for a promotion and they haven't been getting it because they've been showing ass to their boss constantly. And then this is the thing that's like, oh, now all of a sudden their, their trajectory in life is changing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that.

[I]

I feel pretty strongly about this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I definitely think we're all talking about the next mayor of wherever you are.

[I]

Well, my second pitch, quick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I kind of want to see Aaron try to confront you in this situation and then, and then we can move on to your second pitch. So let's give all the air to your first pitch that we can. Aaron, do you mind approaching Vic as yourself? And Vic is the crack master. And can we see how that plays out? Do you feel comfortable giving that a shot?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I'll actually do it, but I will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give it a shot. Give it a shot.

[I]

Thank you for being brave and trying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be brave. Try it. Okay.

[Unknown]

So am I just walking up to him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So Vic is. This guy is sitting on the bike rack. His ass is exposed, he's having a cigarette, and you're doing a cold approach.

[Unknown]

Okay. Excuse me.

[I]

Hey, you're Erin, right?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Hi.

[Unknown]

What's your name?

[I]

I'm so sorry. I'm Mark. I know this is weird. I'm such a huge fan of yours on slack. You're always so funny in Slack and so thoughtful and you always remember people's birthdays. And I just wanted to say I've been having a really tough year. My Wife left and my kids aren't talking to me much sorry these days. Sorry. And I just wanted to say that, like, your little funny jokes on slack keep me going and they make me feel seen and noticed. And if I think. I think if one more bad thing happened to me this year, it would be my 13th reason. So I just wanted to say thank you for keeping me laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Sorry.

[I]

What were you wanting to say?

[Unknown]

There's no way that I could possibly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Aaron, I mean, we didn't know what this poor fellow was going through, to be quite honest. So I think we've all learned a lot. So.

[I]

Yeah, I think maybe be a little easier on him, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I would pull his pants down all the way and be like, that's what I like. Let's see. Let's see the bottom. All right, what's. What's pitch two, Vic? What do you have quit? Wow, that's a tough one.

[I]

Quit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aaron, are you in a financially stable position where you can leave your job over this guy's ass crack?

[Unknown]

No, not hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I actually.

[I]

I'm sorry, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no. Do you have blinds, Aaron? Do you have a way to block out the sun?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I do. I just like to keep them open because I'm not a vampire.

[Dan Johnson]

But, yeah, I have a suggestion, Aaron. Do you know how like, sometime, like, gas stations or buildings have those things for pigeons so that they can't, like, rest on top of them?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if we bought. She's opposed to this one already. That was a feeble.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, what if we place some of those on top of the bike rack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he couldn't cut him, but this. Listen, I'm the. Aaron you're talking to. Gareth. Gareth Reynolds. We're here to help. I'm the guy who made Parmesan in the floor. I mean, the viral moment that it is, I got a new one margin the rack. So what you can do is an hour before he goes for heater time, you take some margarine and you grease up that rack. He's going to feel the grease contact, and that will stop the lean.

[I]

Yeah, we have a problem immediately. A person that does not notice that their ass is out constantly is not going to. That there is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might like it for their ass. Aaron, I'm going to call our show to deal with how little you're reacting to our pitches. I have my own problem now. No, let me. Let me. Let me tweak one of. One of Vicks a little bit and Viks, please, let me tweak It. Do you smoke?

[Unknown]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you vape?

[Unknown]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[I]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think what you got to do is send a mole out there. So either you buy a juul for the day or you find someone you work with who smokes. You have them go out there at the same time as this guy and you say to him while you're striking up a conversation, hey, your. Your butt's super out. Do you know that? And just rip it off.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I actually, I like that idea. I think I know, like, a person that would probably do that for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. Who is this person?

[Unknown]

Just another person I work with and I know that smokes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do they. Do you have their phone number? Are they at work right now?

[Unknown]

I don't think I have their phone number now. You don't have somebody else?

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you want to soften it, we could call this person and give them the pitch with you.

[Unknown]

I don't think.

[I]

I know pressure, but we will do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No pressure, but I already am bringing up their image. Um, okay, well, look, it sounds like you're opposed to that. I think we've got to. Are you going to do this? Are you going to bring this person into the fold?

[Unknown]

I think I will. I mean, I definitely don't feel comfortable, I don't think, actually telling this person myself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think if it's a. If it's a fellow smoker, it does feel like saying you have a booger in your nose. At lunch versus community. I am here from the first floor.

[Unknown]

We plead with you. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you going to do it?

[I]

I got a note.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, we kind of talked about versions of the heads up. A note. A note in what way? A note like handed to this guy when he's on the rack. When he's doing the crack rack.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Taped.

[I]

Taped on the rack. Be like, hey, if you smoke here, I see your ass every day. If it's not a kink thing, maybe cut that out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The issue there is that if it's specifically for her office, he's going to be like, oh, her. Like, I think we're. I would be worried that. I mean it.

[I]

I get the new right from somebody who's. Somebody who's. It's not who you think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

From the third floor. Put it on the third floor.

[I]

From a friend on the third floor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. From a third floor admirer. All right, Aaron, well, we've thrown a lot at you. So what are you going with officially?

[Unknown]

I think I will just make someone else tell him. I think that will solve. I mean, hopefully it's. Maybe he doesn't care. I. I have a feeling he has to feel like air on his butt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm telling you, it's not. That's not maybe. But this guy, this guy's comfortable with it. He's not. He. Listen, he knows some is out, but he's also like, he's probably my age and we're from like the crisscross generation. When you had the pants, you know, we put our pants on back. I put my pants on backwards once and went to a movie. I mean, that happened to me. So I think.

[I]

Thank you so much for saying that. I was wondering if you were from the Kris Kross generation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I need to. A lot of people are asking and I've been pretty mum on it. And here we are. See me world Daddy make you.

[Dan Johnson]

If your friend asks and it still seems to be an issue, we can get your friend like a very high precision squirt gun too. Maybe they could slide by and get a couple shots and that kind of like shoe them away perhaps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we can definitely shoot a squirt gun in this guy's. That's not a problem with it for the show. Can make that happen. Aaron. Well, Aaron, why don't you go with this? See what happens. See if your friend will do it and if it doesn't work or if it does work, let us know. But I think. And by the way, I think the best way for your friend to approach this person when he's having a cigarette with him is go, hey, can I ask you a question? I just think comedically it would be great if instead of ask, they said ass. So that's all I have for you. We're brought to you by.

[I]

Oh, I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, sorry, I thought it was in a squarespace. I thought we were going to write in a squarespace ad. I apologize. I'm sorry.

[Dan Johnson]

They just canceled after that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I understand why. I really understand why. But they were great to work with.

[I]

I wrote in. I was pretty offended by that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, look, that was a huge error. I made it. I own it. Let's live on. Come on. Good Lord. Okay. All right, Aaron. Well, thank you. Keep us posted, okay?

[Unknown]

Okay, I will. Thank you, Aaron.

[I]

Godspeed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good luck out there.

[Unknown]

All right. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Uncommon Goods. Listen, you want to spark something uncommon this holiday season, do it with the right gift from Uncommon Goods. Now, if you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, do not lose your mind. Don't go running into the streets, breaking windows and just punching strangers and things like that just go to uncommongoods.com they have tons of amazing products from there. I'm not going to lie, I got a sweater with dogs on it, but they have so much more stuff. You can go there and you could just it really is an amazing place to source a bunch of things. It feels like you're going through Indiana Jones's library. There's just tons of things and you're supporting small independent businesses. When you go to uncommongoods.com Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so don't wait around and be like, I'll come back tomorrow and get get it now. Uncommon Goods looks for their products that makes sure they're high quality, unique, handmade, made in the usa. They have the most meaningful out of the ordinary gifts anywhere. Whether it's the holiday host or hostesses gifts or cool finds for kids like Kevin has five Kids or Hits for book lovers, Die Hard sports fans, whatever it is, go to uncommongoods.com and with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date. Mom, are you there? Yes, I'm doing an ad for Uncommon Goods. Do you like their products? I'll call you back, so go to UncommonGoods.com do it to get 15% off.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Of your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com hereto help. That's UncommonGoods.com heretohelp for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods we're all out of the order. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is the app that helps you get rid of unwanted subscriptions that you're paying for and you no longer need. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore. Rocket Money can help you cancel with just a few taps. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they're using all the app's features.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to Rocket Money.com help. That's Rocket Money.com help. Rocket Money.com help. And we're brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club offers shave and grooming products that are always high quality but never overpriced. Listen, I have been using Dollar Shave Club razors for a long time. They have wet shave products. Truly flip the script on how we shave. It's so much easier. Now they have things like the Club Series 6 Blade Razor. It's just a perfect shave. You look at me, I've got a beard, but I trim around. Don't tell anybody. Six stainless steel blades and it's the closest and most comfortable shave imaginable. There's the diamond grip handles, heavy metal handles. That one's worth the wait. Shave butter. I know what you're saying. I've been putting that on my popcorn. You're doing it all wrong. You put it on your face. And there's also post shave do. Okay, they have a double headed electric trimmer. There's style detailer precision trimmer for everything. Personal care for dudes. So do us a favor and join up with the Dollar Shave Club.

[Kevin Bartelt]

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[Dan Johnson]

Hey, everyone, it's the shark. This next follow up is from episode 126 of the podcast just from like a couple weeks ago. The episode is called Shirt Title Merch Business with Cat Reitman. And it is the first call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi there. Welcome back. So we're here to help America's number one Pakistan look it up. Look, we know you're a follow up. You have the shark, you have Gareth. There's no Jake right now, but he's here in spirit. But will you tell us your first call and then let's hit your follow up.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Yes. My first call was about a dance class at the gym where there was some unwanted partner dancing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Yeah. So you guys had pitched some ideas, and the one that I went with was to do the knee brace where I pretend every time she comes behind me that my knee's hurting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was mocked for my pitches on this call and at the end of the day, mine stood tallest and proudest. Okay, so you were basically going to wear knee brace so that this kind of person was not going to sort of come up and dance with you specifically because you had an injury that sort of meant you needed to be more in control of your body than someone else. Basically, yes.

[Vic Mikaelis]

I will note, because it's important to how it all turned out, that one of the ideas at the very end was to kind of, like, pass her along to somebody else. Like, deflect her to someone else being the target. So, okay, so the plan was the knee brace. Last week, there's been two classes since I first called in that she was there. So the first class, I brought the knee brace in because I didn't know if she was going to be there. And I figured when she comes in class, I'll just put it on and, you know, act.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Vic Mikaelis]

But she can't. She came in and she wasn't dancing with me. And so I. I think I realized the problem. And the problem is probably me that I was maybe sending mixed messages, because. So what I did was instead of grabbing the knee brace, I didn't give her much attention. I said, hi. I was polite, but I didn't give her, like, I said, like, attention. I didn't follow up on any conversation.

[Aaron]

So.

[Vic Mikaelis]

And it worked. She didn't dance with me. And there was one. One part of the class where everyone got into a line because it was someone's birthday. And we normally do, like, a snake opposite side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's class. So this would have been her bananas.

[Vic Mikaelis]

It's really fun. You should come. It's really fun. You're invited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you again?

[Vic Mikaelis]

I'm in Texas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's. I might be there in March, so we'll see. Okay, but keep going. It's not about me, Even though I try to make it about me. Me.

[Aaron]

That's okay.

[Vic Mikaelis]

So this would have been her perfect opportunity to victimize me and get behind me. But instead, she got behind me for a second, and then she went over and danced with somebody else who was kind of alone on her own in, like, a different part of the classroom. So she kind of deflected. It kind of got deflected.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that was the first class.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Okay, that was the first class. Second one was today. And I thought, okay, I think maybe, yeah, it was me. Because you guys kept asking, why you? Why you? And I? In retrospect, that was the right question, because I think I was giving too much to her just attention. So today I did the same thing. I said hello, but I didn't give her any extra attention. And she never came to dance. With me. So hopefully it doesn't feel great because I also. Also, I'm kind of going against my normal behavior, which is to talk to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

People, but just with her. Right. Not like it's not like with everybody.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Right. Yeah. No, but see, I'll talk to other people, and they don't get behind me and try to grind behind me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. No, what I'm saying is that it's kind of. You're. You're kind of isol. Icing her out a little bit. It's not like you're now like a real negative person in the class. You're just not giving her everything because quite frankly, when you did, she took it.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, it'll be something that I have to get used to, I guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, look, she's finding other targets. I mean, if you're talking about. Your problem was that she was kind of ruining the dance class for you, so you now have given her a little less. She's maybe picked up on it, but she should, you know.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just kind of the nature of your two personalities. You don't want someone who is just taking your dance class away from you. And she'll do that if you give her. And look, she's found. She's found another host, so now sucking the nutrition out of another cadaver, you.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Know, and their job to figure it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out there, believe me. Either they'll be calling the show or you'll be selling them a knee brace. One of the two is going to happen.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Yeah. It's not my problem anymore, I suppose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no. And you did it in a way. You did it in a way that is like. Look, we give, like, crutches as to how to get to somewhere you didn't even need it. So we're not going to ring the bell. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't. Don't do this. We don't take these sort of half rings. We're not going to do a half wrong. You solved it within yourself. Sure. Yeah. We pointed out some things that you maybe needed to have some deeper thinking on, but, yeah, you didn't. Our specific pitches were not taken. You found a more holistic view. I'm happy for you. I'm bummed for the show because we're not ringing the bell, but. But that's good. I'm gl. Are you enjoying dance class again?

[Vic Mikaelis]

I am. I am getting used to not being as friendly with her. That'll be hard. But, yes. I. I think you guys. You definitely helped me Because I didn't see that it was me giving an answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not ringing the bell. Stop it. Stop making it about us. And you're talking about all the time. No, I don't. Sorry. Sorry. I've only had coffee. I. We're happy for you, and that's what matters. And stick to your guns. And that's not to say, you know, after a few of these classes, maybe go have a bite to eat with her after or something like that. Show you're still good, but. But don't open the door again to the dancing. You go to dance class to make yourself happy, not someone else. Don't let someone steal your joy.

[Aaron]

Thank you.

[Vic Mikaelis]

I appreciate that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Thanks again and not ringing the bell, but that's not your fault. Thank you.

[Vic Mikaelis]

Okay, thank you.

[Aaron]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Kevin Bartelt]

We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

[Dan Johnson]

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our social media director is Katelyn Tan Wakio, and our video editor is John Debre.

[Kevin Bartelt]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R A L L.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.com the album artwork is by James Fosdike. You can find him on Instagram @jamesfosdike D I K E. And if you'd like to see me do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Additional.

[Dan Johnson]

Artwork by Paddy Holland. You can find him on Instagram @pad y holland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] yeartohelpod and.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.