135: I'm on a Pool Noodle! (with Jamie Loftus)

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help – Episode 135: "I'm on a Pool Noodle! (with Jamie Loftus)"

Host/Authors: Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Jamie Loftus (as Mandy)
Release Date: November 28, 2024

We're Here to Help is a comedic advice podcast where hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle listener-submitted problems with humor and unconventional solutions. In Episode 135, titled "I'm on a Pool Noodle!," the duo handles a variety of caller issues, including challenges with a water aerobics instructor and transitioning professional relationships into personal ones. The episode also features a follow-up call that showcases a successful application of their advice.

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1. Becca – Navigating a Problematic Water Aerobics Instructor

Timestamp: [06:13] – [26:06]

Caller Introduction: Becca, a 33-year-old Minneapolis resident, calls in to seek advice about her water aerobics classes. She attends these classes weekly with her mother and usually enjoys the sessions led by their regular instructor, Karen, who is engaging and actively participates in the exercises. However, occasionally a substitute instructor, Mary, steps in, leading to less satisfactory experiences.

Becca’s Dilemma: Mary, a 78-79-year-old substitute instructor, conducts the classes differently. Instead of joining the pool for exercises, Mary stands on a chair by the pool, delivers unclear instructions, and often imposes unconventional exercises using pool noodles. Becca and her mother find Mary’s teaching style unengaging and ineffective, leaving them frustrated with no clear way to address the issue.

Notable Quotes:

• Becca [07:25]: "What the hell do I do? I can't get out."
• Jake Johnson [16:35]: "We basically need to come up with a way for you to send a message while not feeling like you're sending too much of a message."

Advice Provided:

• Increase Personal Effort: Jake suggests bringing ankle weights to make the workout more challenging.
• Feedback to Management: Encouraging Becca and her mother to express their preference for the regular instructor to the gym management.
• Collective Action: Proposing that Becca join forces with other dissatisfied members to address the issue collectively.

Discussion Highlights: The hosts debate various strategies, from subtle increases in workout intensity to more direct feedback mechanisms. They emphasize the importance of balancing assertiveness with tact to avoid creating an uncomfortable environment for Becca and her mother.

Conclusion: While the advice was well-intentioned, Becca notes that Mary found their pitches amusing, leading to limited actionable solutions. Nonetheless, the exercise provided valuable insights into handling unprofessional substitute instructors.

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2. Mandy (Jamie Loftus) – Transitioning from Barber Client to Dating Interest

Timestamp: [31:14] – [45:47]

Caller Introduction: Jamie Loftus, voicing as Mandy, a straight woman working in a high-end barbershop in Philadelphia, seeks advice on how to transition professional relationships with clients into personal dating interests without creating awkwardness.

Mandy’s Dilemma: Mandy enjoys her interactions with certain clients but is unsure how to express her interest in dating them. She prefers avoiding dating apps and desires a natural progression from professional camaraderie to personal relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Mandy [32:33]: "Is there a subtle way to get there? Or do I not at all? You know, is it just, like, not appropriate?"
• Jake Johnson [36:49]: "Do you have an Instagram?"
• Mandy [41:18]: "I like that plan. I feel like that is kind of the smoothest way to go."

Advice Provided:

• Leverage Social Media: Jake recommends Mandy start posting her haircuts on Instagram to create a platform for connecting with clients outside the barber shop.
• Ask for Permissions: Suggesting Mandy ask clients if she can photograph their haircuts and tag them on social media, paving the way for direct messaging.
• Business Cards with Personal Contact: Mandy considers adding her personal number to business cards, allowing interested clients to reach out directly.
• Organize Social Events: Kevin proposes hosting singles events at the barbershop to create a relaxed environment for clients to mingle.

Discussion Highlights: The hosts explore the balance between professionalism and personal interest, emphasizing the importance of subtlety and respect. They discuss the potential risks of making clients uncomfortable and suggest methods to gauge interest before making direct overtures.

Conclusion: Mandy finds the Instagram strategy particularly appealing, noting its subtlety and effectiveness in initiating personal connections. The hosts affirm that while direct approaches carry risks, leveraging existing social media can provide a non-intrusive pathway to personal relationships.

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3. Alanna – Follow-Up on Rock Climbing Singles Night

Timestamp: [50:51] – [56:13]

Caller Introduction: Alanna from Philadelphia follows up on her previous call about organizing a singles night at her rock climbing gym. Initially seeking advice on pitching the idea, she shares the outcomes of implementing the hosts' suggestions.

Alanna’s Experience: Alanna successfully organized a singles night, albeit with some deviations from the original advice. The event was marketed without overt romantic themes to avoid perceptions of awkwardness. Despite initial skepticism from a friend, the event fostered a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere, leading to increased social interactions among participants.

Notable Quotes:

• Alanna [51:19]: "It ended up just being a great night, and I got everyone together at the end."
• Stephen [54:39]: "Okay, so basically it sounds like it was a regular old singles night, and everybody met and had a good time, but you didn't find love."

Advice Reflection: The hosts express satisfaction with Alanna’s successful event, highlighting the importance of flexibility and adapting advice to fit real-world scenarios. Alanna appreciated the encouragement to pursue her initiative, even if the outcomes differed slightly from the initial suggestions.

Conclusion: Alanna’s follow-up underscores the effectiveness of actionable advice and the value of taking initiative. The event’s success, in fostering connections and enhancing the gym community, validates the hosts’ guidance and encourages future endeavors.

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Overall Insights and Takeaways

• Balancing Professionalism and Personal Interests: Whether dealing with challenging instructors or navigating client relationships, the episode emphasizes the importance of subtlety, respect, and strategic communication.

• Utilizing Social Media Effectively: Leveraging platforms like Instagram can create new avenues for personal connections while maintaining professional boundaries.

• Community Engagement: Organizing social events and collaborating with like-minded individuals can lead to successful and fulfilling outcomes, as seen in Alanna’s rock climbing singles night.

• Adaptability and Flexibility: The ability to adapt advice to fit individual circumstances is crucial for achieving desired outcomes without compromising personal or professional integrity.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• Becca [07:25]: "What the hell do I do? I can't get out."
• Jake Johnson [36:49]: "Do you have an Instagram?"
• Mandy [32:33]: "Is there a subtle way to get there? Or do I not at all?"
• Alanna [51:19]: "It ended up just being a great night, and I got everyone together at the end."

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This summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and advice provided in Episode 135 of We're Here to Help. The episode showcases the hosts' unique blend of humor and practical solutions, offering listeners both entertainment and valuable guidance.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

With the five dollar meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then get a small fry, a small.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Stephen]

And we are back on a Thursday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love a Thursday.

[Stephen]

We got Stephen, we got the shark. Garf man is somewhere on planet Earth traveling right now.

[Kevin]

Traveling man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Godspeed, Garfman. Well, you know, I was making some split pea soup. Well, I made it this morning. I did all the prep work and then I was just testing it out. And let me tell you, it is good.

[Stephen]

How often you cook in these days?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot. A lot. I love to cook. You know, sometimes you don't have the time. You just, you know, you, you grab and go. But yeah, if I have a little time, Jake, I will cook and a lot of times I'll do the, the prep or while I'm prep work, while I'm having my morning coffee.

[Stephen]

Interesting. Kevin, are you a man who cooks?

[Kevin]

Not. Well, I'm trying to make up for that with yesterday. Lee and I put up Christmas lights around the front of the house and I was going a little slow for her and she was like, all right, why don't we trade spots here and you can hold the ladder. So then I try to pretend the whole time like it actually makes more sense that I'm down here because I could catch you if you fall and.

[Jake Johnson]

Which is kind of.

[Stephen]

You did.

[Kevin]

Yeah, yeah. Nodding at the neighbors like it makes sense that I'm here. I'm the strong guy.

[Stephen]

I was. Andy Roddick has arrived on the movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy shit.

[Stephen]

And we were cool. So. Yeah. And we were watching him yesterday. We had a. We shot some scenes and then at the end we went on the Pickleball courts with the great Brad Gilbert, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, coach and I love him.

[Stephen]

He's been kind of overseeing it, and everyone was talking about, you know, Andy and hitting and how he's going to do with pickleball, and he has not had any anxiety about it. His vibe has been like, it's going to be just fine. It's going to be. This dude got out there and was just ripping it.

[Kevin]

That's so cool.

[Stephen]

And you're like, oh, yeah. And then we started talking, and he was basically saying that from an early age, you can kind of tell when somebody's, like, a special athlete.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

And you're like, that's a pretty cool idea. And he's like, kind of by 10, you can kind of tell, like, if you're not already there, you're probably not gonna pop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

That's so not. Not every sport, but I was like, just an idea. I'm like, that's a cool idea. And then seeing him hit, I'm like, now that's a beautiful backhand. Like, that's how you hit a pickleball. God damn it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And he has one of the. Still to this day, I. I think the best serve in the history of tennis.

[Stephen]

You think so?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was the most powerful. I mean, it was his greatest weapon. Like, he didn't have the skills that Federer or Rafa Nadal did, but he could hang with them because of his serve.

[Stephen]

So he could just rip it. Rip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, he hits the ball in general so hard. I mean, like, he is such a powerful player. Husker, too. Nebraska boy.

[Stephen]

And, Stephen, you're a tennis man. How would you describe your game?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I'm a power baseline player. No doubt. No doubt. I think that's probably a thing that Roddick and I have. We probably have a lot in common. We're both from Nebraska. We both really just crushed the ball from baseline.

[Stephen]

Are you a power hitter?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know, I'm big guy. I get a lot of top spin on it.

[Stephen]

And in your opinion, when we played, what happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had the flu, for one. You'll never be Kevin.

[Stephen]

But hold on, because Kevin, Steven has talked trash about his main sport has always been tennis. And I'm not a. I'm not a racket player. You know, I didn't grow up playing tennis or Pickle or any of this. But we played one time, and I think I played in total in my life up to that point, five times. Steve, what happened that day?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake won it, and it was just.

[Kevin]

Like he, you know, but he had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His, like he was doing his whole rat thing over there. Just like ratting down the balls, man, as he does. The sad thing is he's a very good athlete and like, he can. He picks stuff up fast. He's a basketball player. And that's kind of the. I hate playing with basketball players because they find a way to like, become better than average at things very fast.

[Stephen]

Yeah. What do you mean my rat things?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you were ratting around with that ball. I mean, you weren't hitting pretty. I mean, I'm sure now you've got, you know, you were. You have to admit you were not hitting pretty back then.

[Stephen]

No, no, no, it was just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You were. It was just pure athletic and sheer will to. To beat the master.

[Stephen]

It was the mean, the maddest I think I've ever seen. Stephen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I was not happy. I had a low grade fever, achy. It'll never happen again. In fact, when I come back in town a couple weeks, we're playing.

[Stephen]

I would love to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it'll be really fun.

[Stephen]

And Kevin, what is exciting about this episode today on a Thursday, we have.

[Kevin]

A bunch of fun ones. We're talking to someone with some drama with their water aerobics instructor. We have the great Jamie Loftus. Did a call with Gareth about a barber needing some dating advice. And we have a special follow up at the end. So.

[Stephen]

So without further ad. Do enjoy the show, everybody.

[Becca]

Hello.

[Stephen]

Hey, Ken, welcome to the show. You're on with Gareth the Shark and myself.

[Becca]

It's so weird to hear that in.

[Jake Johnson]

Real life and Sorry, sorry, caller. Let's just. Jake, first of all, intro yourself. And second of all, you are one of the most sexy men alive. I don't know why you're kind of.

[Stephen]

Like why you were setting up for the. No, we're not doing this on the call.

[Jake Johnson]

What.

[Stephen]

Can we please get your credits? We can do it in a different bit. We're not wasting.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm having a little trouble focusing on the show. Sex, Pot.

[Stephen]

We're wasting this poor woman's time. Can we get your name, please?

[Becca]

Hi, my Name's Becca. I'm 33 and I live in Minneapolis.

[Stephen]

I like Minneapolis too, quite a bit.

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. I'm going to be there in January. How about that?

[Jamie Loftus]

Same.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Stephen]

Great response. Not I'm going to come see you, but same 33. Minneapolis.

[Jake Johnson]

What.

[Stephen]

What can we do for you today? The floor is yours. Take your time. Walk us through your issue.

[Becca]

Okay, so I go to this water aerobics class every Week with my mom. We've been going.

[Jake Johnson]

You are in Minneapolis.

[Becca]

Okay, I know, I know. I was like, my accent is going to come through strong. Anyway, so we go to this water rowing class. And so there is like a normal instructor who we love. She is like a elementary school teacher in her real life. So she's like good at lesson plans. She's very engaging.

[Jamie Loftus]

She.

[Becca]

She actually gets in the pool with us. She like does the whole exercise. It's very good. However, this is my. This is a shtick. There's occasionally substitute teachers and they never tell you beforehand. You just like show up and you're in your swimsuit and you're like, oh, it's that late? And you've like already paid. And there's like different subs and there's this one sub who. She's a very sweet woman, but she just sucks because that's how you know.

[Kevin]

A Midwesterner is about to destroy someone.

[Stephen]

I totally agree, Kevin. She's wonderful. I love the fucking worst.

[Jake Johnson]

It's my me thing.

[Becca]

I'm sure she's so nice. So she's like, I would say conservatively like 78, 79. She like will sit in a chair by like on top of the pool and like do heated exercises and like, we have to follow along with it. And she, she will never tell you what's happening. She'll just like smack her legs and be like, point. And I'm like, I.

[Stephen]

By the way, all of this call is starting to wake up all the senses in my body. Yeah, a 79 year old lady being mean, just smacking our legs, telling you what to do and you have no idea what to do. I'm like, yes, please.

[Becca]

She like, she's like, like, she'll tell.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, listen, listen, I'm not. I can't get out of the pool.

[Becca]

That's the thing. That's the freaking thing is you can't leave. And so you're like stuck there. And like, no, he can't get out.

[Stephen]

Because he popped a tent in his little trunks.

[Jake Johnson]

I need the pool.

[Stephen]

He's like a little kid who is like a little like 8th grader who won't go to the front of the classroom and do a math problem because.

[Jake Johnson]

He was thinking, part of me is working out.

[Stephen]

Yeah. Okay, so Becca, you got a substitute teacher who's older. She's smacking her legs, she's pissing you off.

[Ketanji Brown Jackson]

What's going on?

[Becca]

Okay, so that's like the tip of iceberg. So then she'll like, eventually she'll get in the pool. And I feel like that's when it really starts to get crazy, because we'll all be like. We'll all have, like, pool noodles. And she'll be like, get on your noodle. So then there's, like, 25.

[Stephen]

That's a fucking pool.

[Becca]

Literally.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a pool noodle for the class.

[Stephen]

Real life or am I fantasizing? Am I still asleep?

[Becca]

And then what she'll do is she'll, like, make us do exercises with pool noodle.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, I got an exercise with my pool noodle.

[Stephen]

Oh, my gosh.

[Becca]

So then we're all, like, riding it like a bike.

[Stephen]

And I gotta go.

[Jake Johnson]

We gotta take a shower.

[Stephen]

It was great to be at that. Keep going, Becca. So she makes you all get at you and your mother. And this is the wildest porno I've ever seen in my life.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that she's calling for a totally different reason and everything. Our issue is, like, this woman is using the most insinuative language possible. That's crazy.

[Becca]

I think she doesn't. She has no idea that she's saying, like, any innuendos. But my mom and I are always looking at each other like, the noodle. Okay. But, like, she'll say. She'll be like, everyone pedal big and fast. And we're like, what does that mean? Like, big and fast? And I'm like, what are you saying? And then she'll be like, okay, small and slow. And I'm like, what? I'm on a noodle in a pool. And then she'll be like, tidal. Go uphill. Go uphill. And I'm like, what? I'm in a pool. Like, I don't. Uphill where? Like, what are you saying? Yeah, so there's, like, a lot going on with her. And then what she'll do is she'll, like, yell. She'll be like, okay, four, three, two, one. And then she'll be like, ah. Like, she's just had the best, like, most quenching drink of her life. And I'm like, you can't just yell. Ah. Like, in this group of.

[Stephen]

So let me cut through the wildness of this call because I like the setup, and I could listen to it as an audiobook before I fall asleep every single night. I like it.

[Jake Johnson]

I do, too. It's calming.

[Stephen]

It's a calming. It's interesting. It's really weird visuals. There's a lot working. Very Midwest. The way you said noodle really worked.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Stephen]

Get on your noodle. Say it again.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Having double o's for someone from Minnesota. Being said that often is a real pretty good yes.

[Stephen]

But what is the specific question that we could kind of get into?

[Becca]

Yeah, the question is, what the hell do I do? Because we don't actually learn that there's a substitute until we're already there. We've already paid. I'm, like, hoping that it's Karen who's the good teacher and not Mary. And it's always freaking. I'm like, my mom and I are like, oh, it's her, right?

[Stephen]

But look, you're already in the goddamn pool. You're doing the aerobics. You don't get in a pool, see a teacher, and fake an injury. So Gareth don't even pitch a weird twist and ankle thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's pretty obvious that was among my ideas.

[Stephen]

Because we can't get out of the pool. She's got to do the 40. How long is the class?

[Jake Johnson]

You can hurt a shoulder.

[Stephen]

Yeah, that's true.

[Becca]

I, like, see her on the side of the pool, like, before I go into the locker room, and I'm like.

[Stephen]

Oh, but you and mom already went to. You already went to the pool. You're with your mom. It's not easy to get mom out of the house. She's got a bathing suit ready. She's ready to work that, buddy. You want mom to do some cardio? She's got to move those knees. She's got to get the heart pumping. What are you going to do afterwards? Get a bite to eat? No, you're going to.

[Becca]

Yeah, like, it's. Yeah, like we're there for a purpose. And that's the other thing with Mary. I'm like, you are going so slow. I'm getting. I'm. I'm gaining weight in this pool. Like, that is not a workout. Like, I don't know what you're doing.

[Stephen]

That's a great thing to say. This workout is so slow that I'm gaining weight.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm fatter.

[Stephen]

Yeah, I get. By the way, when I do my weird garage workouts, I come out fatter.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you still. You still doing those?

[Stephen]

Yeah, you know, when I can, it's less kind of jiu jitsu with the dummy because I've been tired. It's more kind of watching football. Watching football. Hanging out, talking about our days.

[Jake Johnson]

You want another beer, Dan?

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

No, he doesn't have a name.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Stephen]

I like him better. Nameless.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop talking. Enough. Let's focus back on Becca. Don't.

[Stephen]

Because when I give him a name, I come up with too many okay, so Becca.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so really the question is basically, how do you get out of the predicament when you have the terrible 78 year old substitute who does not fulfill at all what you're going for with your mother? What can you do?

[Becca]

Not even a little.

[Stephen]

She's a bad instructor. She's unclear. You get fatter while working out. It just. Nothing is kind of working. Now. Is it partly that what she says is, was it us who added the sexual stuff or were you saying the hard and fast or was it. We might have done that? Is it really just that she's bad or is there anything specific that makes her the worst?

[Becca]

I think it's like, not like she has like a routine that she knows and no one else does. So, like having this confused, unknown. I don't care. She can talk about the noodles. That's funny. And my mom and I get in trouble too because we'll like goof off in class. Like this past Wednesday we were like goofing off and Mary yelled at me and was like, hello. And I was like, girl, I'm. I'm here to work out. And you are not doing that. So, like, I don't.

[Stephen]

Oh, so Mary's also a little tough.

[Becca]

I mean, I don't. I wouldn't use that word. But I just feel like she, she wants people to pay attention to her. Like she's. We're on first grade and I'm like, these are all like, I'm the youngest one there and they're all like in their 50s or whatever. And I feel like there's lots of sweet women who just like do the thing. And I'm like, no, I pay for this. It's like an hour out of my afternoon. I'm like, I want to get a workout.

[Jake Johnson]

I remember once I went to yoga class at Bally Total Fitness in Hollywood and it was basically this. It was like an 80 year old woman was teaching and it was all people in their 70s. And I was in there like this. But I did finish because it was like, well, I'm here, all that.

[Becca]

Right?

[Jake Johnson]

We basically need to come up with a way for you to send a message while not feeling like you're sending too much of a message. I do think what you have to do, I mean, you either need to come up with some kind of alert system or you need to flag this instructor as terrible, which maybe in Minnesota is a little.

[Stephen]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we need to learn more.

[Stephen]

No, no, no. This is an 80 year old woman in a pool we're going to give. We're going to give Mary her little glory moment. But, Becca, what we could do for you and. I don't have the end of this. Gareth, I'm going to need help on it. I just have a. I have a visual, but I don't have a pitch. Wait, did you just say ankle weights?

[Jake Johnson]

No. Her ankle hurts. Ankle weights is good, though.

[Stephen]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Ankle weights.

[Stephen]

You put water ankle weights.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

Because the image I had was the flash dance. Farley, what is it in Tommy Boy when he's getting sprayed by the gasoline? He's going way too fast.

[Becca]

Whatever Mary does play, she plays that song she plays Maniac.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on, Let. Let Jake cook Becca go.

[Stephen]

Well, I don't have much care, so jump in if you're feeling. But the image I. The image I'm having is. Let's say Mary goes like. And swing the tiger. Go around the noodle, will you? Go as fast as you fucking can. And you have weights on your ankles, so you seem like a spaz, but you've ankle weighted. You've wrist weighted. You put a little weight around your hips. So you are dying to keep up with this instruction. And if you're not doing what she wants you to do, you're trying your hardest. Maybe even put earplugs in so you can't hear. So you're just looking around. You're like, God damn you. Like an animal being hunted. You're looking at the room and you're just moving and jacking around and trying to keep up. Your cardio will go up. Your instincts will be on fire. Gareth, is this insane?

[Jake Johnson]

I think I would almost just go. First of all, I think maybe an earplug is a good idea because she sounds kind of annoying to your. I think I would. What I would do is I would bring ankle weights and, like, actual light weights for you and your mother during the Mary class so that you can step it up. I think that'll just make the workout harder.

[Stephen]

It will. Everything. Even if you're just standing in water.

[Jake Johnson]

You can do her workout still, but that'll just make it harder.

[Stephen]

I mean, it's the same thing as rocking if you're.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

Or even have a little back. Who goes at a slow pace? Throw a weighted.

[Becca]

Yeah. Okay. So I've kind of done that where I like, just push harder. And we do this really dumb arm exercise. And I'm like, my legs are just standing here. So I was like, running as she was doing the arm exercise. And she yelled in the class. She was like, if you want to run, you can run. And I'm like, yeah, I'm already. I'm already ahead of you, Mary. I feel like I've tried the, like, push harder thing. I feel like. Like, I don't. I've never heard of an ankle weight that you can, like, put in a pool. Is that a thing?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think there is. I think there. Yeah, yeah, I think there are. I think there are. Yeah, I think there's things you can make it, Becca.

[Stephen]

You can make it on your own. Sand in a plastic bag, duct tape it to your goddamn ankles.

[Jake Johnson]

I also.

[Stephen]

This isn't a goddamn fashion show. It's a workout class in water.

[Jake Johnson]

And here's the other thing. Becca didn't say or. Sorry. Mary didn't say that you can't do that. She just was like, if you want. I also think just the appearance of this shows her this workout isn't what I thought it was going to be. Another thing, if you want, I think you could do, is after a class with a good instructor, you could go up and say, I'm so glad that you were here. Like, you're the best instructor. And you could say, is there any way to know your schedule a little bit ahead of time so that we can favor your classes because you're the best instructor and kind of the only one we want to make the trip for?

[Becca]

Yeah, that was kind of. My mom was like, I'll call. And I'm like, are you going to call every week and, like, check? Like, are you? And then I don't. I don't know what happened to the instructor because she's missed the last two weeks. So we were like, is she sick? Like, I don't know what to do when it's like, this is an unplanned thing. Like, no one. Like, I don't think that the normal instructor was, like, planning on this. Like, she didn't tell us, hey, I'm going to be out or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a two pronged approach, I think. Have the weights in your car and then you and your mother can have those weights on when you take the class. I also think you could ask, like, I mean, I remember when I used to go to the Y, there's like a front desk. You can go up there and be like, who's teaching that class? Oh, it's Mary. Let me go to my car and get the weights a little unfocused.

[Stephen]

I got an idea to Becca. How mobile is your mom?

[Becca]

Oh, yeah, she can move. Oh, yeah, she's Moving. She's moving and grooving. She's only 64.

[Stephen]

She's a young woman. So where that pool is, is there also like exercise bikes and treadmills and stuff like that?

[Becca]

So this is like in a middle school.

[Stephen]

So this gets weirder and weirder to me.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, okay, quit peeling.

[Stephen]

Oh, yeah, yeah. As we peel, my. My brain's gonna dig. Now does the middle school, does it have two levels to it? Is there an upstairs downstairs, or is it just a one level school? There's a point to this.

[Jake Johnson]

I hope so.

[Becca]

I think it's just one level. But to be honest, I just walk to the pool, so.

[Stephen]

Cause here's what I'm thinking. The other thing you could do, when you're with mom and you're in exercise gear and you're ready to go, if you walk in there, it's merit. You turn around, but you have a plan B already in place. If there was two stories, you do 50 up downs on those stairs.

[Becca]

Like the Rocky movies.

[Stephen]

Like the fucking Rocky movie.

[Jake Johnson]

I like that.

[Stephen]

I like the traditional workout that you have. Like if you do the ankle weights and you don't want to do in the pool, you get there, you see Mary slapping her legs by the pool. You go like this, mom, let's rock. You guys put ankle breaks and you already know it's a mile and a half north, turn around, a mile and a half south, back to the car, then you can get your goddamn cheesecake. But you did the three miles and that. Because what we don't want to do is Mary's teaching a class. A lot of these older ladies like it. I'll tell you the person who doesn't like it, the young lady. Right. A lot of those other ladies are happy in the goddamn pool. It's just you and your mom. And if you weren't there, I'm sure your mom would be fine.

[Becca]

That's why we don't want.

[Stephen]

Why we don't want the 30 year olds in the pool with us older ladies.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you. Do you notice a demographic switch? You don't, right? It's like the same level. The women are handling both the good instructor and Mary the same. Right.

[Becca]

Yeah. I think that's also my concern is, like, everyone else seems undisturbed by this and I'm like, why?

[Stephen]

This is a youth.

[Becca]

Yeah.

[Stephen]

You know, my mother used to do water aerobics and she said it was a bunch of women and then one creepy old guy in Wisconsin who would like swim up to the women.

[Kevin]

Very specific.

[Stephen]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It feels Targeted How?

[Stephen]

How do you make this story about you?

[Jake Johnson]

You just said it's one creepy guy in Wisconsin. Of course I think you're talking about me. Okay, Becca, so that's fair. So that's our basic.

[Stephen]

I'm sorry, Gareth, but my mother lived in Wisconsin.

[Jake Johnson]

It's tough to hear. I mean, God, believe me, Jake, I know. I would, I would bring the weights. I would bring the weights and have a workout plan and I would just, I would increase the workout for yourself in the class. I think that sends a message. And then if you want a post workout, I would also do that. I also don't think there's anything wrong with when you see the 78 year old Mary being like.

[Becca]

And just right, like, maybe I should be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's you.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean you to favor.

[Stephen]

We're not getting crazy. We're not attacking.

[Jake Johnson]

Very nice of you to favor the feelings of this woman. She is meant to be teaching a.

[Stephen]

Workout class and she is for all the older ladies, Bob.

[Jake Johnson]

Becca, kind of.

[Stephen]

Yeah, but look, if you're. If you're a 70 year old woman in the pool, you're not looking to do CrossFit.

[Jake Johnson]

I. All right, let me step it up and I'm going to tell you my last pitch. It's off of what we just said. Bring a bunch of like weights that like, bring a bunch and be willing to hand them out. And when you see her, just say.

[Stephen]

This is not a group.

[Jake Johnson]

If anyone, it might be, I. We got.

[Stephen]

Is it a group problem or is it a you problem?

[Becca]

Well, so everyone is used to the normal instructor, Karen, who like really pushes.

[Jake Johnson]

So I feel like people feel.

[Becca]

Alas, people are annoyed, like, but I think I'm the one who's the most annoyed. But I feel like everyone else is just like, do, do. I guess it's this lady and I'm like, no, can we all band together and be mad together? Because I feel like they're like bands.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a bad idea. Bands. Band.

[Stephen]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a bad idea. Some bands.

[Stephen]

I think anything you could do underwater, you should.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. That's what I've always said.

[Stephen]

Okay, Becca, we appreciate the call. Good luck.

[Becca]

Oh, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Let us know how it goes.

[Stephen]

I'll tell you how it's going to go. We didn't really give any advice.

[Jake Johnson]

We didn't really. She laughed at literally every pitch. Every pitch. She laughed at bands. We tried.

[Stephen]

She juggled. Okay, good luck to you.

[Becca]

Bye.

[Stephen]

Bye. This episode is brought to you by maybe my favorite. Yeah, my favorite tasting sponsor Hero bread. Hero bread is the bread you love without the carbs. Just because it's summer doesn't mean you have to cut out all the carb heavy foods you love. And it's not summer, it's near. Thanks. So what are your favorite hero products? Mine are just the regular sliced bread. I like the tortillas. I like the Hawaiian rolls. I am an everyday eater of hero bread because being from the Chicagoland area, Kevin, we are Sandwich guys had BLTs.

[Kevin]

Over the weekend with hero bread.

[Jake Johnson]

They were delicious.

[Kevin]

A friend was with us and even called out, this bread's good.

[Stephen]

And you don't. And you don't feel guilty?

[Kevin]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

So keep the carbs out of this season without compromising flavor. With Hero Bread, get 10% off your order at Hero Co and use code help at checkout. That's help. And we are brought to you by the litter robot. Kevin. I've told Jake too, how much I love the litter robot. It is one of those things that I now have and I genuinely am like, why didn't I do this sooner? Having a cat is an awesome experience. Having a cat's litter box is not an awesome experience. It's strange. It's. It's smelly. I one time moved out of my apartment and the landlord was like, oh, yeah, we're just charging you a fee in your security deposit to get the cat smell out. And I was like, cat smell? Yeah. You don't even know what you're walking around smelling like. Cat litter. But people literally have walked into my place and been like, where do you hide the litter box? And I'm like, it's right here in the living room. We put on a show. Jose and I were showman. He's in there doing it in front of everyone. The litter robot even has these two little lights that shoot down. So when he walks in, it's like entering a Stargate. But what the litter robot really does is it makes it so you do not need to stress over cleaning your cat's litter box anymore. And that is a big annoying thing to have to do that every day. Your cat will use it. The litter robot, once the cat is out and has cleared the little device, it will rotate it and it puts all the used litter, the waste, in a little trap below. It's airtight. The smell does not get out. Once or twice a week, you just take that bag out, throw it in your trash, and you just replace the bag. It uses way less litter and you do not have to. You don't even need that little scoopy thing anymore. So I love the litter robot. It truly has changed my relationship with my cat and the bathroom. And there's an app. Imagine getting a text at work letting you know that your cat went to, what, pee. Life is cool.

[Stephen]

Right now, whisker is offering $75 off litter robot bundles. And as a special offer to listeners, you can get an additional $50 off when you go to Stop Scooping.com/here to help. That's an additional $50 off when you Go to Stop Scooping.com here to help. Stop Scooping.com.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, we are brought to you by Quince. Oh, my Lord. We've talked about it before. I love quints. I have a quince corduroy jacket. I have a quint shirt that is. That is blue with buttons. I love it. Okay. And it's a great way to find the perfect gift this holiday season. Anytime you want to make sure you give gifts that people want. And I will say, not only do I wear quints myself, I'm ordering quints as gifts for those that I love. It lets you treat your loved ones and yourself to true quality at an affordable price. Something everyone can have in their closet. They have sweaters, cashmere sweaters. They have super soft fleece and sweatpants. And so no matter what you are looking for, quint Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They do this by partnering directly with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman. Passes the savings on to you, puts you on the nice list this holiday season and the premium fabrics and finishes for the luxury feel in every piece. So don't listen to me. Don't listen to Kevin, who hasn't spoken yet. Jake, you tell him.

[Stephen]

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[Jamie Loftus]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Welcome to the show. We're here to help. You know the show, right? Of course you do.

[Jamie Loftus]

I do. I do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Smart. Okay, well, you are on with Gareth. You know me from the show. We're here to help. You know who. I'm on the show. You're aware of that? Yeah.

[Jamie Loftus]

You get that.

[Jake Johnson]

And we have no Jake today, but standing in his stead, we have the great Jamie Loftus. Jamie, I should point out, a successful podcaster in her own Right. You have a podcast called 60 Minutes of Fame, and so we're gonna help you out. So why don't you tell us your name, where you're calling from, and what the hell is happening?

[Jamie Loftus]

Sure. My name is Mandy. I'm calling from Philadelphia.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Jamie Loftus]

And my problem is that I am single. I'm trying to date, but I'm not on any dating apps, and I don't want to be on any dating apps. But I don't. I also don't feel like I need to be on any dating apps because I am a straight woman who works in a barbershop, so. But my problem is figuring out how to go from the client barber, semi professional relationship to opening the door to going out or something else without making things awkward.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Dangerous game, Mandy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's hard. You work at, like, a nice barber shop or you're at, like, super Cuts.

[Jamie Loftus]

No, no. Yeah, it's like a more high, higher end place.

[Mandy]

Are there people there regularly that you're like, yeah, I would go for this guy?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, it's a small pool. You know, there's a lot that are out of my age range or in relationship or whatever, but, like, there's enough. Enough of the time, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so. And you're. The reason you don't want to do the dating apps is because it's a hollow experience where you feel like you don't really ever get anything out of it, and it's just kind of a time suck that leaves you feeling sick.

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah. I think that's a perfect way to summarize.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Mandy]

I. I feel like people have come all the way around on dating apps, or at least this was my feeling where I feel like the argument for it used to be like, you'll end up meeting people you normally never would. And I was like. And that might have been a good thing.

[Jake Johnson]

That was the right way to have it.

[Stephen]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

I maybe don't need to know anyone who works in the tech field ever in my life.

[Jake Johnson]

I like how Tinder shoots out, like, sonar. It really makes you feel, like, great when you're like, cool. Let's just send out a radius. Okay. So, Mandy, so you're. You're cutting someone's hair and you like them, and you might have good banter with someone, but you can't tell if, like, I feel like I have real good barbershop banter. I feel like I keep it going. I'm asking questions. But that doesn't mean that you're into it is there. Are we talking about a couple specific people or in general you are like, how do you. Because it is a difficult thing to sort of like, you know, I've felt that in stuff before where you. I think the last thing I ever want to do is be viewed, like, as a creep. Like, I would rather go unrequited or unfulfilled than be like, that feels weird. So. Okay, but are we. Are we talking about anyone specific or. We're just saying there's just. You want to be open to this?

[Jamie Loftus]

I think more open. Like, there are specific guys I think of, but it, you know, in general, I'll talk to a guy. He seems great, he's cute. We get along like, oh, it would be fun if we could hang out outside of here. But it's like, how do I go from that? Or do I. Not at all. You know, Is it just, like, not appropriate? And that's just.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you have a boss?

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah, but they're not there.

[Mandy]

Okay. So it's like. I don't know. I feel like it's okay when women do it.

[Jake Johnson]

I do too. That was what I was gonna say.

[Mandy]

Unfortunately, to just like, straight up be.

[Jamie Loftus]

Like, hey, do you wanna go out, like, right after? Or is there like, a subtler way to get there?

[Mandy]

My instinct is, and this is maybe just because I'm a coward, but do you get along with the people you work with? Cause I feel like maybe it's like a work wingman kind of situation that that would be what I'd be comfortable with instead of being direct. But also, you might just be much braver than I am.

[Jamie Loftus]

No, I'm not that. That's why.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Mandy]

Okay then. Yeah. It's like if there's someone. I don't even know if, like, I don't know how it would like, feel natural to ping pong it to someone.

[Jake Johnson]

Else, but you got a wing barber. I like this idea. I like the idea. Do you how many people are in the shop at a time that work with you?

[Jamie Loftus]

Only one or two. And it is tough because the. The way the shop is laid out, I'm kind of like working on, like, alone in the back. So there's not. There's not like, directly at like a state. Yeah, it's not like backpack, but, like, there isn't someone at a station right beside me that we could kind of like.

[Mandy]

Or like a punishment.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. What is that?

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah, it's me wanting to, like, be.

[Jake Johnson]

Away from everyone else on my own. But I really. I was really getting excited with A wing barber. Yeah, I know.

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah. Yeah, that does make it easier.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay. How long have you been single?

[Jamie Loftus]

A long time. Maybe like six years.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got an idea. I got a pitch.

[Jamie Loftus]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Do you have an Instagram?

[Jamie Loftus]

I do.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you post pictures of haircuts on Instagram that you do?

[Jamie Loftus]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, here's what I'm going to recommend. This is. This is. This is just because we're talking about how do we turn the page and move in a new direction. Why don't you start posting some of the haircuts on Instagram? Okay. And so, like, just to have. Just to sort of corroborate the fact that this is now something that Mandy the barber does. There are times where you're just. Just post four or five. Then once you have that going. When you're done with someone's haircut who you like, you say to them, hey, I'm really happy with how this came out. Would you mind if I took a picture of the back and put it on my Instagram? And they'll go, oh, yeah, if you're really happy with it, take the picture and then go, I'll tag you. What's your Instagram? Then you're moving into the DMs. That's.

[Mandy]

That's an idea in a great way to just set up, like, wow, you look amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, nobody's going to say, yeah. I mean, if someone does, then whatever you can go from. I mean that. But this is a way now to sort of, you know. Well, that's just. Again, because at this point, it really is more about getting into the dms. That is really. That is almost the new phone number. Again, that's not encouraging, mainly men to be creepy, but it is a way for you to just go after you post it, give it a few days, and then just say, hey, a couple of my friends said how much they really like your haircut. It was great to meet you. Leave it there then. Then at least you've. You've kind of. You've gotten it to the point where you. Because it's so awkward to try to ask someone out at work, especially when they're hiding you in the back of the shop like the sloth of the organization. I don't know. What do you think of that, Jamie?

[Mandy]

I like that. I think that that is, like, kind of the smoothest way to go. I mean, I. Unfortunately, I don't feel like it's really possible to completely divorce finding someone from your phone and, like. But I think the worst Case, it's. It's better labor than going to a bar with someone awful a thousand times. It's just like, you might have to take a picture of a couple of uggos before you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you definitely going to have to do that. Yeah, you have to. You can't jump into this plan right away that, you know, get a few haircuts up there and then in a month you can say, I started to post them to sort of like, I don't know, up my barber profile. I don't know what the hell it means, but something like that. There is another option. The other option is you could tell people. And again, I don't know if this breaks work protocol. You could tell people the next time they want a haircut to just text you directly and you could get the number.

[Jamie Loftus]

I thought about that and what, like, if I have, like a business. Well, I haven't done it, but I thought, like, if I get. Okay, we have like business cards for the shop.

[Becca]

Right.

[Jamie Loftus]

Like, could I put my personal number on there?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Jamie Loftus]

And be like, you know, here's my. My days and here's my. I put my number on there. Yeah.

[Mandy]

So way to sound like you're in demand, too. You could be like, yeah, my schedule fills up really fast, so you might want to, like, reach out in advance.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And you could be like, I only do this for people whose hair I like that I want to fucking.

[Mandy]

Yeah, I.

[Jake Johnson]

My worry now that I. My only worry with that one is that it is going to be. It could be a little like, with the social media dynamic, you can start the follow, you can like a pic. There's a way to kind of get more feelers out there that might not happen if the. It's just like once like that. Like, if someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh, yeah, okay, cool. I'll text you when I want a haircut. And that could be five months from now. You know, I have a pitch.

[Kevin]

I don't know if this is too much work.

[Jake Johnson]

This is shark on the ones and twos.

[Kevin]

Shark on the ones and twos. We did an episode where we talked about a singles night for a rock climbing gym. Would it be weird to have something like that? Like a work thing where people are coming to, like, single people get a haircut?

[Jake Johnson]

Half off hair prom.

[Stephen]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

Just an excuse for single honks to come to the barbershop.

[Mandy]

Just a haircut place full of lonely men. Sounds potentially dangerous.

[Jake Johnson]

It could be.

[Stephen]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Maybe we shouldn't do this. Keep in mind, Kevin is Pitching this in a sleeveless tie, dyed Miller Light shirt.

[Mandy]

Yeah, no, here's what you do. Rent out an AMC theater for a screening of Joker 2 Folly Ado and then invite everyone, see who responds. No, I actually, I'm very supportive of the Instagram solution. I feel like that is kind of similar to how I started dating my boyfriend.

[Jake Johnson]

It's similar to how I started dating my girlfriend.

[Mandy]

Yeah, right. Because then you can check, I mean, this is, I guess, obsessive behavior that I've done a trillion times. But then you can see, like, are they watching my stories?

[Jake Johnson]

Are they single?

[Mandy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

Are they even single?

[Jamie Loftus]

That's the big thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. That is really. I. I think there is a good amount of COVID with this one. It's very easy to see if you guys do the follow. See if you get the follow back. Get the follow back. Like a picture. See if they like a picture, then hit the dms and then you're really getting, like, temperatures along the way. You know, otherwise it is like, it's kind of an all or nothing. And then it's like, if you creep people out, then they don't want to come back and not creep people out. But then it's, like, makes it weird.

[Mandy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jamie Loftus]

No, I like that plan.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, what do you think, Mandy? How do you feel you're gonna do this?

[Jamie Loftus]

I feel good about that. I think I will try this.

[Jake Johnson]

What is your like. Okay, so let's say you post a picture of this haircut. You're not hearing back. What is the first DM going to be to a potential suitor? Just so we see what we're. What we're dealing with.

[Jamie Loftus]

Oh, that is. See, this is.

[Mandy]

We can workshop this.

[Jamie Loftus]

A bad question for me. Yeah, because we got.

[Mandy]

Nice head. Nice head.

[Jake Johnson]

Good head.

[Mandy]

Great touching your head earlier today.

[Jake Johnson]

Want more head? More head.

[Mandy]

Let's get a little eugenics.

[Stephen]

See?

[Mandy]

Be careful.

[Jake Johnson]

I felt your head. You're one of the chosen ones. How about this? I got one. Hey, just an FYI, you left some of your hair at the shop. Feels like nobody liked that one.

[Mandy]

Hey, you dropped this. And then just a fistful of his hair in your hand, and you're eating.

[Jake Johnson]

It, and it's in your mouth. Chewing it.

[Mandy]

I feel. Okay, here would be my approach if I. If I were brave enough to do this, I'd be like, hey, great to like what? Whatever the haircut opening line is. And then, like, I noticed you liked this. As long as it's from their last eight posts. I like that, too. And then, like, Potentially start a conversation that also, if they don't want to start a conversation, would be very easy to ignore.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. I think, I think, I think that's pretty good. I think, again, read the room. If it's a short reply, that's where you leave it. And then it was just fully work related.

[Jamie Loftus]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Mandy, I. We want to know if you're gonna get laid through our advice and if you're gonna find the one there. So keep us posted. It feels like you'll get there. On average, what percentage of Are you straight or are you. What are you. Are you bi?

[Jamie Loftus]

I'm straight.

[Jake Johnson]

You're straight. So we're just looking for dudes. What percentage of the men would you say you want to de smock after a couple?

[Jamie Loftus]

A low percentage. It's a low percentage, but yeah.

[Mandy]

And the good thing is the men you have absolutely no interest in, they don't know about the Instagram account.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, true.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you'll be fine. I think this is the best way to creep. You have good outs. Don't push it. And I like the Jamie pitch of if you're just like, you know, you're like, oh, wow, I didn't know they still made kites. Something like that.

[Mandy]

Baseball.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell me more Baseball.

[Mandy]

Ask him to explain something to you.

[Jake Johnson]

Whatever you see the activity, just say that activity. And then lol, just be like hiking. Lol. That's the move.

[Mandy]

He's like, damn, did I just meet the love of my life?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, she just said word.

[Mandy]

I like.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Mandy, well, go get them. Good luck and you know, we're here to help.

[Mandy]

You'll be great.

[Jamie Loftus]

Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, Mandy. Oh, and we are brought to you by Blue Nile. Listen, this time of year you look at back on a lot of amazing things and memories from the past year. Or maybe you're. You're thinking, hey, what the hell's going to go on in 2025? But if your plans in any way involve getting engaged with someone you love, let me tell you about blue nile.com. blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. That's basically when interneting got invented. So if you go to bluenile.com you can create a bigger, more brilliant piece than you can even imagine at a price that you won't find anywhere else. Blue Nile offers a diamond price guarantee, which means that in most cases, they can either meet or beat a competitor's price. They're committed to ensuring the highest ethical standards, which is important, and they source the Diamonds and all their jewelry. So you could feel very good about what you're doing. Blue nile also offers 100% satisfaction guarantee. Now you're probably saying, garrett, that's all the satisfaction that can be guaranteed. You're right. It is. Okay. Free shipping and returns. They'll do repairs for life. I mean, what are you even doing? Okay, if you want to get engaged, just remember every Blue Nile order is insured. Arrives at packaging that won't give it away. It doesn't say like engagement ring inside. They can even be delivered overnight. So what are you waiting for? Let's do this right now.

[Stephen]

Go to blue nile.com and use code here to help. For $50 off your purchase of $500 or more, that's $50 off with code hereto help@blue nile.com blue nile.com this episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe. SimpliSafe is a home security which I use on my house with Active Guard. SimpliSafe's 247 modern agents keep a close watch over your property and actually stop crimes before they happen. The cameras use advanced AI to tell the difference between friendly faces like family and neighbors and potential threats. Alerting agents to suspicious individuals before they get close to your home. These agents can talk directly to the intruder, sound a loud siren, flash lights, and even alert the police. While other systems only react after a break in. Simplisafe combines live monitored and proactive protection both outside and inside your home. That's why I trust Simplisafe with my own home security every day. And I want you to have that same peace of mind.

[Jake Johnson]

Protect your home with 50% off a new Simplisafe system plus a free indoor security camera. When you sign up for fast protect monitoring, just visit SimpliSafe.com hereto help. That's SimpliSafe.com hereto Help. There's no safe like simply safe. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. We love and adore Squarespace. We want to have Squarespace as a guest on the show. But they have repeatedly told us that it's not. There's not a person. But we would love to meet the guy or the woman, whatever it is. Look, they legitimize your website. My website is Squarespace. Kevin's website is Squarespace. Super user friendly.

[Kevin]

Many of our callers websites are Squarespace.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we like, we. We did the wigs and suits. Yeah, they were Squarespace. This, this woman called. She lying to her boss about taking cooking classes while she was going off and doing Some more naughty stuff. We helped make her a website that was so legitimate her boss believed she was taking cooking classes. You think we're putting in 40 hours of work to do that? No, we're using Squarespace because they make it that easy. Squarespace, we're talking design intelligence, Squarespace payments connected to your social and multimedia accounts. It makes it easy to sell content. There's SEO tools, all these things that I'd say 30% of our listeners are going. That intimidates me. Not anymore it doesn't. Because Squarespace makes it easy. It's like having a translator with you. It makes you legitimized in the website world. You need a website, just ask Kevin. So join us on a Squarespace journey.

[Stephen]

Head to squarespace.com Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gil.

[Kevin]

Hey everyone, it's the shark. Hope you're having a nice Thanksgiving. The original call from this next follow up aired on September 2nd. It is the second call from the episode which is called I need someone to climb with slash on. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

[Jamie Loftus]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Thanks for calling from another room. Can we get your name and what your first call was? We know you're a follow up.

[Alanna]

Yeah. So my name is Alanna, I'm from Philly and I am the rock climbing lady who called you guys for help.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alanna]

Yes, yes, the date night. Yeah.

[Stephen]

Well, good, we're excited. Walk us through what the problem was again, what we pitched and then tell us what happened. We're excited.

[Alanna]

Yeah. So the problem was I was just calling to get your guys advice on how I could pitch a rock climbing singles night at my climbing gym. And you guys gave me a lot of great ideas, a lot of sexually explicit, punny names that I could have thrown their way for the night. Which is great. You recommended different types of like, you know, 80s music playing the background, a few different games. Lots of great stuff like that. So I went in armed with a bunch of ideas and when I pitched it to them, they were. They were all over it. They loved the idea right away. Although before I could even recommend a goofy name, they were like, we can't do anything romantic in the title because we don't want to be weird.

[Stephen]

Okay.

[Alanna]

So it ended up being kind of more. They just called it like start a new relationship. That's how they marketed it. And yeah, relationship, right, I know. Gareth, you had said something about fingering the holes or something. That didn't fly.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't love hearing my stuff back out of context. I'll be honest. It's probably the worst part of the follow up for me.

[Stephen]

Nobody believes that you don't like hearing your stuff back then.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean if we like it, I like it. I'll be honest. It's kind of group think.

[Stephen]

Well and if nobody else likes it, I still like it anyhow.

[Jake Johnson]

Honestly, me, I like it.

[Stephen]

Me too.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm just trying to be. I just want people to like me, me.

[Alanna]

We do, we do. We all like you. But anyway, it was, yeah, it was. It ended up being great. And I mean I didn't know what to expect. I don't think anyone really knew what to expect. But there ended up being. It was a group, it was a smallish group and you know, I didn't, I didn't know if I would end up meeting like a, you know, a hunky nerdy guy there. I didn't because it was mainly just women, which is fine. And there were a couple, a couple dudes showed up, although, I don't know people like one of my friends Shane, who works at the gym was laughing at me before the event. He said, you know, it's only going to be guys showing up. And I said, I don't know. And it ended up just, you know, but everyone was lovely, everyone was great and it was, they actually didn't have any games planned though. It was super, super casual. And I know I recommended on the call I said, well, what if we wear wristbands? And one of you shot it down because that was too dorky. But that's what the gym did. So we all had our little orange wristbands on and name tags so we could identify each other. And yeah, everyone just, we all met each other, we all took turn playing each other. Then we did this one game where we like paired up based on butt size. Like if you had a big butt, you got together with another big butt and you got tied together at the butt and then you timed how fast you.

[Stephen]

All this seems so normal until this.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S also, you could tell it's like in the rock climbing world that's normal. But to us we're like, everything was so normal. Big butts tied to big butts.

[Alanna]

Well, you know, we, we wanted to, you know, we wanted to get at the heart of whether or not, you know, butts are actually a big part of rock climbing. Which is what Jake asserted when I first called in.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, Jake not remembering that, going, yes, like he Believes it still is great. Okay.

[Alanna]

I feel terrible, guys, though, because I just. I just was pulling your leg. We didn't tie each other together at the bus, but, you know, that wasn't part of the night.

[Stephen]

Okay, so basically it sounds like it was. You guys just had a regular old singles night, and everybody met and had a good time, but you didn't find love.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Alanna]

Well, no, you know, I didn't find love, but that's okay because I actually. I really like being single. I mean, and if I meet somebody, Somebody, that's great, but it's. It's. Yeah, it ended up being a great night, and I got everyone together at the end.

[Stephen]

What was the. What was the question you called with Original.

[Alanna]

Well, just kind of like, how should I pitch it? Like, how should I make it happen?

[Stephen]

You did make it happen. That's a win.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm ringing the bell that Jake can't hear over. Zoom. But it's ringing. Yeah.

[Alanna]

And, you know, another thing that just happened, like, a couple weeks ago, which I feel like is sort of related. I know when I first called in, I said that sometimes when I would approach people to ask them if they wanted to climb would get really weird. And a couple weeks ago, one of the guys that I asked many months ago who got super weird, he came up to me when I was bouldering, and he asked if I wanted to come with him in a big group to go bouldering outdoors on the weekends, which I've always wanted to go with that group. And that just happened a couple weeks ago. And so that's opened up since then. So it's kind of. I've just ended up meeting a lot of more, you know, a lot of other climbers in my gym since I called you guys. And, you know, it didn't go off exactly as we had discussed on the call, but I feel like you guys gave me the gumption to just never go in with the idea, and so I would say is definitely a success.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, good, because I rang the bell already. I would recommend trying to do another one. That would be my pitch. Do one more.

[Stephen]

Well, we got Kevin. We got one more follow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Stephen]

So we got a boogie. But we really appreciate it, and this is good news. I'm glad it's working out.

[Jake Johnson]

Congratulations on.

[Alanna]

Thanks, guys.

[Stephen]

Thank you very much. We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

[Kevin]

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeon.

[Jake Johnson]

Our social media director is Katelyn Tanwaquillo. And Our video editor is John de Bruyne.

[Stephen]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R A L L.

[Jake Johnson]

I.com the album artwork is by James Fosdike. You can find him on Instagram at James Fosdike D I K E and if you'd like to see me do standup on the road, go to garethreynolds.com.

[Kevin]

Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram @padyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] yeartohelpod and.

[Stephen]

If you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com all.

[Jake Johnson]

Of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.