136: Buttertoes with Catherine Reitman and Arden Myrin

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" Episode 136 - Buttertoes with Catherine Reitman and Arden Myrin

Release Date: December 2, 2024

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Guest Helpers: Catherine Reitman & Arden Myrin

---

1. Show Update: Potential Hiatus Announcement

At the beginning of the episode (01:28), hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds address the audience regarding the show's current status. They discuss a recent feud and the increasing demands on their schedules, particularly Gareth's involvement in a time-consuming movie project. This conversation leads to the revelation that they may be taking a temporary break from producing new episodes to prevent burnout and maintain the quality of their content.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds (02:19): "Who do the helpers call when they require help?"
• Kevin Bartelt (05:04): "I never wanted to repeat stuff over and over."

The hosts express gratitude towards their listeners and assure them that they will consider returning based on listener interest and their personal capacities.

---

2. Caller Sari: Navigating "Buttertoes" Insecurities

Caller Profile:

• Name: Sari
• Age: 27
• Location: Boise, Idaho

Sari reaches out with concerns about her toenails, describing them as "butter toes." She shares her history of having had toenail removal procedures due to severe nail issues, leading to unattractive and messy appearances. This has caused her significant insecurity, especially in her budding romantic relationship.

Transcript Excerpts:

• Sari (12:09): "I've got butter toes. My nails were really bad when I was younger..."
• Gareth Reynolds (14:01): "Sari from Boise."

3. Advice from Hosts and Guest Catherine Reitman

Jake, Gareth, and guest Catherine Reitman offer Sari practical and emotional support to overcome her insecurities. They emphasize self-acceptance and encourage her not to dwell on perceived flaws.

Key Advice Points:

• Normalize Insecurities: Acknowledging that everyone has physical insecurities.
• Avoid Overemphasis: Suggesting that not making a big deal out of her toes will prevent her boyfriend from fixating on them.
• Practical Solutions: Recommending pedicures or subtle enhancements like toe jewelry to boost confidence.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds (16:45): "If he has an issue with your toes, I promise you he's the wrong guy."
• Kevin Bartelt (20:00): "Don't let your anxiety get into his head and don't turn this into like this show the voice where you turn around and he has to form an opinion."

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4. Second Caller Selena: Office Sponge Dilemma

Caller Profile:

• Name: Selena
• Age: 29
• Location: Tuileries County, California

Selena calls in with a different type of issue—dealing with a communal sponge in her office's break room. She describes the sponge as gross and is reluctant to use it, considering bringing her own but concerned about appearing weird.

Advice from Hosts and Guest Arden Myrin:

• Decoy Solutions: Suggesting the use of a personal scrubber hidden alongside a communal one to balance hygiene preferences without standing out.
• Practical Implementations: Recommending creative storage solutions like waterproof totes or designated personal containers to maintain cleanliness discreetly.

Notable Quotes:

• Arden Marine (35:37): "People will talk shit about you. But I think there will also be people that admire you."
• Gareth Reynolds (38:32): "I think you could stash the bag with the decoy scrubber in the kitchen somewhere where no one goes..."

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5. Sari's Follow-Up: Success in Acceptance

In a heartfelt follow-up (50:01), Sari shares her positive experience after applying the hosts' advice. Having moved to Los Angeles to be closer to her boyfriend, she reveals that her relationship progressed without any issues related to her toes. Her boyfriend openly expressed that he isn't bothered by her 'butter toes,' validating the hosts' guidance on self-acceptance and confidence.

Key Takeaways:

• Self-Love Wins: Embracing one's insecurities can lead to healthier relationships.
• Confidence is Key: Believing in oneself diminishes the power of perceived flaws.
• Validation from Experience: Real-life application of advice leads to meaningful positive outcomes.

Notable Quotes:

• Sari (51:32): "I just had to take a leap of faith and trust you guys, because you were right."
• Gareth Reynolds (52:23): "It's a good lesson for really anybody who has a hang up about a physical thing for the most part, which is that nobody notices this thing more than you."

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6. Conclusion: Empowerment and Encouragement

The episode wraps up with the hosts reiterating the importance of self-acceptance and not letting insecurities hinder personal relationships. They commend Sari for her courage and encourage listeners to share their own stories of overcoming similar challenges.

Final Thoughts:

• Self-Acceptance: Essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
• Community Support: Listener interactions highlight the show's supportive community.
• Future of the Show: Despite potential hiatus, the hosts express optimism for future episodes based on audience engagement.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds (53:00): "Your toes are fine, you should accept them if your boyfriend doesn't accept your toes. What a weirdo."
• Kevin Bartelt (54:43): "What a blessing to hear that. Good for you."

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Featured Guests:

• Catherine Reitman: Actress, writer, and director known for her work on "Schitt's Creek."
• Arden Myrin: Comedian and actress recognized for her comedic roles and performances.

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Final Notes:

"We're Here to Help" continues its tradition of blending humor with heartfelt advice, addressing a wide range of listener concerns with authenticity and empathy. Episode 136 highlights the show's ability to empower individuals to embrace their imperfections and fosters a supportive environment for personal growth.

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Timestamp Guide:

• 01:28 – Show Update Begins
• 12:09 – Sari Introduces Her Problem
• 16:45 – Key Advice on Confidence
• 35:37 – Selena's Sponge Dilemma
• 50:01 – Sari's Success Story
• 53:00 – Conclusion and Final Advice

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lights are going up. Snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here at participate at McDonald's for a limited time.

[Jake Johnson]

The holidays are all about sharing with family meals, couches, stories, Grandma's secret pecan pie recipe. And now you can also share a cart. With Instacart family carts, everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are. So you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cart and then share the meals. In the moments, download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are back. Back. Jake, Gary, Shark, the boys. So the feud is over. We have.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Well, explain what the feud. A lot of people have been writing in. Why aren't Gareth and Jake together? And the truth is we've been in a nasty, nasty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well. Who do the helpers call when they require help? Who do the helpers call?

[Kevin Bartelt]

We've had no one to call Gareth. You want to explain what the fight was about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, it's obvious for a while the perm has divided the show.

[Kevin Bartelt]

That's why Kevin cut his hair so short.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I asked for the Gareth, and then Kevin went to Supercuts. Yeah, yeah. Once again, not a perm.

[Kevin Bartelt]

We once again, a permission.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, again, a perm. A perm is a perm. Yeah, there's a. There's an actual. There's something is done to your hair to permit.

[Kevin Bartelt]

All right, get Berg here. I'm out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, a few things have been going on. Yeah, you are shooting a movie.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I am deep in production on a movie that has been way more time consuming, even though I knew it would be. But then I even thought we did a lot of prep on it. The three of us knew it was going to happen. We tried to plan ahead for it, but also, the Garf man is always on tour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think we also.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And we just started missing each other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How much do we want to get. And I missed the hell out of you, buddy. How much do we want to get into what? I don't know if you want to keep this or not, Kevin, but as the future of where we're going. Like, how maybe.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Let's just plant the seed now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, so essentially what was going on was we. You know, when we started this, we started two a week.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we thought during the strike.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we were. I mean, we were cranking.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah. Well, originally, Garf, when you brought it up to me, the idea at first was once a week, all zoom. Pretty casual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Then we started. We got an audience right away. The New York Times came in, and we were having so much goddamn fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we leaned in, and so we started really trying to bank them. I mean, we were doing probably two to three sessions a week and.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Four to five hours.

[Sari]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is insane to even think of now. And then we started going like, we're really not that far ahead. Like, we were like. I think in our heads, we were like six months. And then. And then as we were looking at it, we were like, oh, so.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But, you know, we also did Garf and Shark is. We kept growing and changing. Then we got really into the video component of it. Then we started going in studio. Then we started having fun with Patreon, and each section was really fun. Guests. Then we started interviewing guests.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many eras.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So what, in a year?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. We really had more looks than a calendar in this year. And so.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But I will say, every stage of it was, at least from my end, very enjoyable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I think when we started, when we started to see things work, we were very like, oh, okay, great. I think we kept. But I think the main thing was that we were like, twice a week is. Is too much. Yes. You know, with our schedules, also with the fact that Kevin has to pull calls that feel unique to some extent.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I also, content wise, I never wanted to repeat stuff over and over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So it's something that I'm hard on, but I like the newness of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hard on. It's funny, you did say hard on.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's funny.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But so we. But so there's been a lot of pushing and pushing. And then the movie came. My schedule got complicated from the first time since the strike happened. The Garf man schedule is always complicated, but we'd always make it work. Kevin is in demand. And so all of a sudden, our schedules got tricky and we tried to fill the hole with guests.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we started thinking, like, we could. We talked about that for a while. Like, maybe, you know, a couple years in or something, we could start tinkering with guest hosts and one of us coming in. So I think we just kind of leaned into that to just kind of get ahead of it a little bit in a way where we could do sessions. So we've been doing that. So then we were talking about in the new year, what did we want to do? We were talking about going to once a week. And then we kind of just truly, in a healthy way, kind of got to the decision that, you know, we should probably take a beat and let you know. We. I mean, we really have put out a shitload of episodes. The amount of time we're going to.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Have about 150 episodes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

150 episodes, which is a lot. So I think where we're at now is that come. Probably right around.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I think it's December 19th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Is probably going to be the last one for a while, to say the least. We don't know.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And we're going to see what happens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're going to see.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If somebody comes to us and wants to bring it back, we're going to see what that would look like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But we're going to halt everything December 19th for a little bit. But there's not any other reason besides. I think we burnt out a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we were very focused, all of us, on the quality of the show. And I think we have definitely found that callers we've always felt like were so important to the. I am. I am going to have to yell at my cat right now. Jose, Put it on video.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Put it on video. Steve Burgundy. Steve Burgund. You're Steven right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm burning my chicken, dude. Hey. God damn it. Sorry.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Turn the. What the fuck?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get down.

[Kevin Bartelt]

What the fuck? Get down. Is that any way to talk to your kitten?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a real dark, sad insight into me.

[Kevin Bartelt]

That just happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The real Gareth just came out for a sec. Whoa.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Jack Daniels Reynolds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not. We're not counter boys in this house. We don't get up on the counters.

[Kevin Bartelt]

What the fuck? Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now he's apologizing.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah. Because you've abused him. Save the cat. 227cats. It's a hotline. Look at how. Look at his face. He's trying to get away from you. He's so funny with the picture behind you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. It's very. It's like. Have you ever heard that story? But my buddy has that story about going about going to see Schwarzenegger, and Schwarzenegger was sitting there with the pony that he has a picture of behind his desk, and the guy was like, okay.

[Kevin Bartelt]

By the way, he. Pony?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's a miniature Pony named Whiskey. But so I think also to let like the quality of the problems and that stuff really sort of build up so that we feel like, yeah, everything and just make sure that, like, you know, I would say we want to do more of them. We just want to like, have maybe a reason why we will do.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I also think the other thing, at least from my end is what I really love about this is that it's an independent thing that we have created. Our partner Hedgum, which has been great. We've really enjoyed being at. And it was really fun recording at their studio. But, you know, we can do whatever. We could do 10 new ones if we wanted. We could release a random one. If the three of us all decide, hey, on a Saturday, do you want to just release some even if we don't have ads in it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And I think this is just for fun. It's ours and the audiences.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so. I think. And I think we really like within that appreciate so much the totally the amount of people who listen to the show. Love the show. I mean, I know that I probably get a different version of it than you two, but when I go on the road, the amount of people who come up and are like, have all the inside jokes, talk about how much the show helps them and tattoos. Tattoos, yeah, the people. Crazy killy bean tattoos.

[Kevin Bartelt]

What I really feel about our show is this was the first big chapter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And I'm. I loved it and I'm excited to see if there's another chapter. And at this point, we're kind of have to wait and see what happens and what that means. And I think that's okay. I think it could be really exciting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think the thing that if you love the show and you listen to the show, all that stuff, you know, just tell people about the show because I think that we have that great return rate where once people start listening to the show, they consume pretty much the whole show. So. And then that does us a huge favor.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And then for the youtubers are all got really mad that we stopped doing Thursdays. For the people who have been mad that we're having guests on rather than each other all the time. This is the reason why we were trying to figure it out as we were going, but it's just been tricky. It's been, you know, this is a Sunday. We're trying to record as much as we can together. But it's been. The strike helped.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it was. I think. Yeah. I mean, without question we have, you know, we. But that being Said, I mean, we still have a lot that we're going to do together. And so, yeah, so that is basically the update. You know, all the same ways to reach out to the show. All that stuff remains. So keep doing it. You know, Kevin will monitor those emails and we will hopefully, at some point, come back with some great problems to make worse.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And so, even though this isn't official, we truly thank you guys for being with us. It's been a lot of fun. And then today, you're going to get two calls and a follow up. God damn it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rock and roll. And after December 19, we will say with further ado, because there will be a bit of ado.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But for right now, without further ado.

[Sari]

Hi. Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome to the show. You have Jake, you have me, Gareth, and you have guest helper, the great Cat Reitman.

[Sari]

You're joking. Oh, my gosh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. No, that's her.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I like that you're joking.

[Cat Reitman]

What if you were? You're like, I am.

[Kevin Bartelt]

That's not it. Or if, Cat, you just hit stop video and you were out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cat just.

[Cat Reitman]

I don't like it. I'm out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is your name? Where are you calling from and what's going on?

[Sari]

So my name is Sari. Like a fairy or Mary or Carrie or whatever works. I'm from Boise, Idaho. Oh, you're out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, you're in Boise.

[Cat Reitman]

That's all we have time for.

[Sari]

Boise, Idaho.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Sari from Boise.

[Sari]

And I'm 27 years old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, what's going on, Sari?

[Sari]

I think this is gonna be a pretty straightforward one for you guys. You've heard of the phrase butterface? You're familiar, I'm assuming.

[Kevin Bartelt]

No, just like a chubby face is a butterface.

[Cat Reitman]

Are you serious? You've never heard butter face?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, you are just too pure for words.

[Kevin Bartelt]

What's butterface?

[Cat Reitman]

Gareth, take it away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I've never said it myself, but I've heard some of these misogynists use it, right? She's. She's really hot. Butt. Her face.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, but her face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But they call it butterface.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's like she's got a great body down, but.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But her face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But her face. Okay, all right. So now.

[Cat Reitman]

Okay, so now the butter face.

[Sari]

Well, that's not the problem. My face is fine. My toes, on the other hand, are as buttery as they come.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got butter toes?

[Sari]

I got butter toes. My nails were really bad when I was younger, so I had to have a toenail removal procedure. And now it looks like my two Big tail. Two big toenails are cocktail weenies that have been, like, mangled by a Chihuahua. Like, they're pretty messy.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'm listening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. Jake.

[Kevin Bartelt]

All right, where's the problem here?

[Cat Reitman]

That's long for you.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Sari. I'm back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna need to see pictures. Do we have pictures?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Oh, I got photos.

[Sari]

Send one.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Would you like to send an email with Sari offline?

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Jake, Sari.

[Cat Reitman]

Do not send it. Do not send it to Jake.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'll send you $500 for the bit.

[Sari]

I don't think there's a market for them, but you can tell me what.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You think as a joke. I'll send you $1,000. Send me the photo as a joke.

[Sari]

Okay. All right.

[Kevin Bartelt]

$2,500 as a joke.

[Cat Reitman]

Oh, Jake accidentally gets arrested now.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Hold on.

[Sari]

You can totally send one if you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Send one.

[Cat Reitman]

Sari, I'd like for you not to do that. Tell me. Tell me what the problem is with these. With these feet of yours.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I saw you got gross feet. So what?

[Sari]

I do. I got gross feet. Here's the problem. So as a kid, I was made fun of them, like, a lot.

[Cat Reitman]

So I went down. Sorry to interrupt you.

[Sari]

They've been ugly my whole life. Before I had them removed, they looked akin to the barnacle toenails that are referred to a lot on New Girl in that Pogo episode. So they were so bad by themselves, we just decided to remove them altogether. They were causing pain. Not ideal, but I was made fun of for both. So I entered an era.

[Kevin Bartelt]

This has been a bit of a trauma with these toes.

[Sari]

Yes, yes. And as an adult, I'm mostly fine with it, but we're getting into it. So I entered an era of wearing socks full time. I wear them to bed. I wear them with sandals. I just. I wear socks. I'm a sock girl. And as an adult, I am a firm believer that socks stay on during sex. That's my opinion. However, after a season of singleness, I just started dating this really hot guy down in la and I'm moving down there in two weeks to be closer to him. It's pretty exciting. We've had socks a handful of times, and I'm not trying to brag, but it's like, the best sex I've ever had, and I would like that to keep going. The problem is he always wants to shower together, after which I respect. He's never seen your face clean, King. No, not yet. I've avoided it all together so far.

[Cat Reitman]

And you're moving in with him.

[Sari]

He's gonna have to. No, not in with him, but I'll be close by.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Okay, hold on, hold on. I gotta jump in from the beginning of this, okay?

[Cat Reitman]

She's not gonna send you the pic, Jake.

[Kevin Bartelt]

We're getting pics, we're getting photos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ken, drop this whole we're not seeing the toast.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Also, Gareth, drop this whole we haven't already seen them thing that while you and I got quiet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, drop this whole fake Venmo thing.

[Kevin Bartelt]

So. Sarah, hold on. I think, and I could be wrong here, but this is the dog talking. You got some stuff from getting teased by kids. Them don't make these feet a big thing. I'll tell you what's not going to be a big deal from him. Your fucking toes.

[Sari]

Yeah, I sure hope not.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If he was a weird, weird foot guy already, by the third date, he would have gone. And this is a direct quote, can I see them toes? I'm going down a path that's not real. But here's what is real. You guys are already serious. If you make it a big thing and then you do this big dramatic reveal, then he's going to have to form an opinion on your toes.

[Cat Reitman]

Right?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Just fucking take the socks off in the shower. I'll tell you what, he's going to be. I'll tell you what he's going to be looking at in the shower. A lot of things. Tell you what, he's not going to be looking at your fucking toes, especially.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you just banged it. If you guys. He's not going to be. Let me ask you this, just because I think Jake is totally right. I don't think there are. I really don't think. It's just not a. It's not a big deal.

[Sari]

But he's gonna see them for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. But whatever.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But don't make a deal of it. Yeah. He's not. Presentation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This. This is the only thing I would say. How are his feet?

[Sari]

I have no idea because I have no interest in looking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what I would.

[Cat Reitman]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would get in the shower and.

[Cat Reitman]

You'Ve got a foot thing and you're not concerned about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would get in the shower and I would be like. I would. I would maybe try to just get ahead of it and just say that his feet are weird.

[Kevin Bartelt]

No, you can't be serious there. That is Garrett. You're doing that as Garrett advice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. I offer things up as. It's a toehold. Don't you?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Toehold.

[Cat Reitman]

Meow, meow. May I?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Cat Reitman]

Have you two have. Gareth and Jake. Have you two ever seen a pair of feet that you didn't like in a either newer or older relationship and like, said something to your friends about it, like, her feet are kind of gross ever?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. I have said to the person, you have weird toes, by the way.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I'm the same. I've had people with weird feet, but it's never traveled outside of us. Just goofing around talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because it's so. It's just so not a fucking problem.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But I'll tell you. I'll tell you another thing. On every human body, there's a few big flaws.

[Cat Reitman]

You bet, certainly.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And once you get into that, you can go like. She'll go like, I'm really insecure about the way my thighs look in shorts. And you're like, I hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone has it.

[Cat Reitman]

Oh, well, everyone's got it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

My fucking knees are old lady knees.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They sure are, Jake. But. But toes. As far as like to toe like you. Really. It's so small that I'm sure it feels enormous to you. I just guarantee, like, I'm not even trying to be rude. If I dated a woman who didn't have toes, it would not bother me.

[Kevin Bartelt]

By the way. Same.

[Cat Reitman]

That doesn't surprise me at all. Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. Actually, can I ask something? I'm. Go ahead.

[Cat Reitman]

I think Gareth and Jake are giving you fantastic advice for once. And they're saying that it's not an issue, which it's not. But just for your own trauma, personal psyche. I'm just gonna say the obvious, which is throw a couple pedicures in there and feel your best. Right. Can you add some self care?

[Kevin Bartelt]

I don't think there's much improvement.

[Sari]

I so wish I could. There's nothing to put it on. I used to wear it when I did have. Yeah. Oh, you had the old nails. Yeah. They truly look like cocktail weenies.

[Cat Reitman]

You can get the callus removal. You can get a nice soft, lovely butterfoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Sarah, let me give. Let me give you hard, real advice on this because classic dog. You could. You could put earrings on these toes and make who give. We're talking about toes. If you're doing that for your own confidence, do it. Here is the thing I promise you don't do. Don't let your anxiety get into his head and don't turn this into like this show the voice where you turn around and he has to form an opinion because his opinion is going to be. You're right, those are funky ass toes. So if you Go like, I'm really anxious about this. I really like you. I'm afraid you're not like me. What do you think of my toes? He's going to go like, they're weird looking. But if you don't do that moment then one day when you're walking around the house, he'll go like, oh, Siri's got some funky ass feet. And that'll be it. Yeah, it'll go like it. Yeah, we all have funky shit. You just go like, yeah, she'll see, he'll see it, he'll think it, he'll move on. Unless you're turning it in this big thing and then he'll turn it into a big thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody really has. So few people have like attractive feet. It really does not matter. I.

[Sari]

Very true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, feet are weird.

[Sari]

That's my stance. I do. I will say like as an adult I'm a lot. I'm a lot less self conscious about them now and I make fun of them all the time with my friends in a very light hearted way just because they're, they're just off, off putting. So I'm not so much worried about he's going to see them. And I'm not worried about me being like, oh, where's my poor toes? Like that's not really who I am. The, the fun that I like to have with my friends is we like to make up reasons as to why they look that way. We like to create lives.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Are these feet?

[Sari]

Oh, I sent a pic. I did. I'm sorry, I did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's have a look.

[Sari]

Cocktail weenies.

[Kevin Bartelt]

No, I mean overreacting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm telling you, you're overreacting. Here's what you got. I am. Your big toes. You got your fig and.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Cool it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your big toes are the most noticeable. The rest, you can't tell this. I am the rest.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Have nails.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Sari]

Yeah.

[Cat Reitman]

Go get yourself a pedicure.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah. By the way, I'm with Cat. Get some, get some color on the other ones. And also the other thing.

[Cat Reitman]

Neutral. Neutral tones.

[Sari]

Neutral. Agreed.

[Cat Reitman]

Jake.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Jake. Red. Bright red. Oh, get a little sexy. Why not? Here's the other flair. Stop making jokes with your friends and pretending they're these crazy toes.

[Sari]

It makes me feel better about it in a way because you're talking about.

[Kevin Bartelt]

More exciting if, if kids weren't when you were young.

[Sari]

True.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You would never even think about these toes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's just the big toe. Everything else looks normal. Your big toes are a little off. That's it.

[Sari]

I'm telling you, they're pretty off, but I like, I like your guys opinion.

[Kevin Bartelt]

You know what I wish I. Right now? I wish I could hypnotize you and go, stop thinking about the toes right now and never thinking about it again. Because if you don't, it'll be a non issue. You don't have to make jokes of them. You don't have to wear socks. The only thing about your toes is your big toes don't have a nail. But they got the spot where the nail is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's a door.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I thought it was going to be like really mangled. Crazy Sarah, you could wear flip flops.

[Cat Reitman]

I'm a little disappointed.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest. I'll be honest. Yes, you're fine.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If this dude has an issue with your toes, I promise you he's the wrong guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's not going to. He's not going.

[Kevin Bartelt]

I agree.

[Cat Reitman]

He's looking for a problem. He's looking for a problem. If he's a weirdo, go get a pedicure, go take care of those toes. Take your shoes off, get in the shower. And if he gets distracted, give him the head or something, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Truly, truly. Let him notice. Yeah, I like that. You got good energy, Cat.

[Kevin Bartelt]

By the third call, you got it. You got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I turn. I turn everyone into me. By the third call, you twist us all. The Gareth thing. I really think if you hopped in the shower, I don't think he's going to notice. I think if he does, you just go, oh, yeah, like I had this fucking. It's, it's easy. That's it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If he goes, what happened to your toes? Try not to get emotional. Don't get, don't get into your childhood trauma.

[Cat Reitman]

Right?

[Kevin Bartelt]

Don't make that bigger thing because then he'll go like, never mention the toes. Then he'll go like, oh, never. Look at the toes, the toes, the toes.

[Sari]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's.

[Sari]

I want to avoid that. I would like for us to like move into a space in our relationship where it's like not a big deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going to be.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Even if he's aware because it's not a big deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going to happen, certainly.

[Sari]

But like, since it is like it's gonna happen regardless, it's. It's more just like for the fun of it. Because I do actually get a kick out of it. Like my turns coming up with different one. Oh my gosh, like, oh, you know what's wrong with my toes, dude? That helicopter accident I told you about it was really bad. Or like, oh, you know. You know, this.

[Kevin Bartelt]

The COVID I can't even go down the road of pitching how fucked up your toes are because they're not that fucked up. Because they're not. They're not far enough to warrant three or four joke pitches of what happened to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would be like, yeah, that's funny. But you're. You have like. They're not that funny. You're just not that silly.

[Kevin Bartelt]

If I went like, oh, you don't have a toenail on your big toe. And you went like, I fell out of a helicopter and the Panama Canal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the weirdest part. That would be the weirdest part.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Why are you so weird about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's exactly. That's because part of me was like, why don't you build it up in a way so. Like you did for us? But it's like, they're just. It's just not that bad. And it certainly. It's not going to warrant someone being like.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And it's a big story what happened.

[Cat Reitman]

Because also part of. Part of falling in love, right? I don't know where you are with this guy. My whole life, my mouth has been something I've been teased about. And when I fell in love with my husband, we've been married a billion years now, but when we first fell in love, I did that same thing where I would make. I would be the first. My instinct was always be the first one to make fun of my mouth. Because then I was ahead of him, and then he couldn't hurt me. And it's a shitty defense mechanism that we do to protect ourselves. But in fact, when you're with someone you're really safe with and you love and loves you back, they don't even allow you to go there, right? Cause they're like, you got the sexiest fucking feet on the planet.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Well, I had the same thing. I used to always get teased because of my really big dick and my strong arms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was, all right, Terry, thanks so much for the call.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But I was so embarrass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Embarrassed. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much.

[Kevin Bartelt]

It's so big. My arms are so strong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine building that up, like, after sex. Just being like, get the jokes out now.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And she's like, wasn't that big. And I'm like, thank you for saying that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, you really did.

[Kevin Bartelt]

She's like, no, honestly, it wasn't that big. And I go, that means a lot to actually.

[Cat Reitman]

Thank you for saying that.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Cat Reitman]

She's like, sari, did we help you.

[Sari]

Yeah, you did. You know, I will say, like, I've been met with a lot of people even in adulthood who are, who are a little weird about it. So hearing it from you does make me feel better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like nothing.

[Sari]

Just got to own it at this point.

[Cat Reitman]

It's a nothing.

[Kevin Bartelt]

100%.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going to be fine. This is going to be easy. Let us know.

[Kevin Bartelt]

But I deal with a huge hog in between.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Siri, thanks so much. We got to go. We got to go. Thanks so much. Take care. We'll talk to you later. Sorry about the end. And we're brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club offers shave and grooming products that are always high quality but never overpriced. Listen, I have been using Dollar Shave Club razors for a long time. They have wet shave products. Truly flip the script on how we shave. It's so much easier now. They have things like the Club Series 6 Blade Razor. It's just a perfect shave. You look at me, I've got a beard, but I trim around. Don't tell anybody. Six stainless steel blades and it's the closest and most comfortable shave imaginable. There's the diamond grip handles, heavy metal handles. That one's worth the wait. Shave butter. I know what you're saying. I've been putting that on my popcorn. You're doing it all wrong. You put it on your face. And there's also post shave do. Okay, they have a double headed electric trimmer. There's style detailer precision trimmer for everything. Personal care for dudes. So do us a favor and join up with the Dollar Shave Club.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Don't take our word for it. Try for yourself. You can visit their site right now for 20% off of 20 or more and get your products delivered right to your door. Visit Dollar Shave Club.com hereto help and use promo code hereto help for 20% off $20 or more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Uncommon Goods. Listen, you want to spark something uncommon this holiday season? Do it with the right gift from Uncommon Goods. Now if you haven't finished your holiday shopping yet, do not lose your mind. Don't go running into the streets, breaking windows and just punching strangers and things like that. Just go to uncommongoods.com they have tons of amazing products from there. I'm not going to lie. I got a sweater with dogs on it. But they have so much more stuff. You can go there and you could just. It really is an amazing place to source a bunch of things. It feels like you're going through Indiana Jones's library. There's just tons of things and you're supporting small independent businesses. When you go to uncommongoods.com Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches. So don't wait around and be like oh, come back tomorrow and get it now. Uncommon Goods looks for their products, then make sure they're high quality, unique, handmade, made in the usa. They have the most meaningful out of the ordinary gifts anywhere. Whether it's the holiday host or hostesses gifts or cool finds for kids like Kevin has five Kids or hits for book lovers, Die hard sports fans, whatever it is. Go to uncommongoods.com and with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3 million to date. Mom, are you there? Yes, I'm doing an ad for Uncommon Goods. Do you like their products? I'll call you back. So go to uncommongoods.com do it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

To get 15% off of your next gift, go to uncommongoods.Com heretohelp that's uncommongoods.com heretohelp for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the order. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is the app that helps you get rid of unwanted subscriptions that you're paying for and you no longer need. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. See all your subscriptions in one place and know exactly where your money is going. For any you don't want anymore, Rocket Money can help you cancel. With just a few taps. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they're using all the apps features.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to Rocket Money.com help. That's Rocket Money.com help. Rocket Money.com help.

[Selena]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, welcome to the show. Okay, thanks for having me. Hi, can we get your name and age roughly and where you're calling from, please?

[Selena]

Yeah, my name is Selena. I am 29 and I'm calling from the Tuileries county area here in California.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was going to say none of us know where that is. Well, you hear the voice of a woman, and you're probably like, that's not Jakeish. We. Jake not here. But we have in Jake's stead a guest helper. Now, Arden, I will say I have PTSD to when I tried to say your name once on another podcast, and I realized you have a sneak peek. There's a Y, but it's Marine.

[Arden Marine]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got a. Arden, Marine is our guest. You do a lot of great stuff. And she's our guest helper. All right, so how did you say you pronounce your name? Selena. Selena.

[Selena]

Selena. Yes. Everyone usually says Selena because of how it spelled, but I pronounce it Selena.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Selena, so here we go. Why don't you tell us what the hell is going on?

[Selena]

Yeah, no problem. And it's great to have you on. Arden, thank you so much for being the guest here. I'm hoping you can help me.

[Arden Marine]

My honor. Thank you, Selena.

[Selena]

Okay, let's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's. Okay, guys, we've done a lot of the complimenting. Let's come on now.

[Sari]

Okay. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, not a lot thrown my way, so that's kind of why I'm a little uncomfortable, to be.

[Selena]

Quite frank, Gareth, I'm also a fellow cat person, so don't you worry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's not a credit. All right, Selena, get into it. What's going on?

[Selena]

So quick rundown. The office I work at provides dish soap and a sponge in our break room. You know, clean your dishes if you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Arden, right now you're probably picking up on the energy of the problems of this year.

[Arden Marine]

Wow. This is real life problems.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is our wheelhouse.

[Arden Marine]

This is fun for me. I already feel passive aggressive. Things are happening in this kitchen. I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's.

[Selena]

Oh, for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, keep going. So they provide a sponge and soap.

[Arden Marine]

Okay.

[Selena]

Yes. And the sponge is gross. Okay. I cannot bring myself to use this on my dishes, let alone even touch it. It has that nasty, dirty sponge smell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if you guys know. Oh, I know. I really. A pet peeve of mine is when people are using one of, like, you need to stay on top of your sponge game.

[Arden Marine]

You know, I learned. I realized that this year that I didn't know that. And I had a friend look at my sponge, and she was like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, oh, that was probably a lot of bacteria. And now I have a. I got shamed. But it was a gift. I have a really quick sponge rotation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you just. Once it's. Listen, once it stinks, get it away from sinks.

[Arden Marine]

Yeah, once. I love Perfect. That's your campaign. That's your campaign model.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the bumper sticker.

[Arden Marine]

Thanks for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. By the way, that might be. That might be the sign you're putting up there passive aggressively, but we'll get into that.

[Arden Marine]

Selena, I love a passive aggressive solution.

[Selena]

So typically with that, I just rinse my dishes real quick with hot water, soap, call it good until I get home, wash them fully. Not a big deal. I know. But here's where the real dilemma comes into play for me. Me being a germaphobe, I am really want to bring my own sponge and. Or like a scrubber, but I don't want to keep it out for everyone to use. So how do I do that without being weird? Or do I just need to embrace the weirdness at that point? Busting out my own scrubber for my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my Lord. I mean, Arden, do you have a hot take? Because I know exactly where I live.

[Arden Marine]

My gut feeling was, fucking be weird. And I would. I would be like, this woman knows how to be an adult. I might think of, like, a college shower caddy, like, soap holder that you could put the sponge in, but. Or like, yeah, there's. You could get a fun little container store thing and maybe have it as art. Like, if you have the, like, the tall one, you put it on your desk like that. To me, it could be artwork and clean.

[Selena]

Oh, my God. You know, And I've even considered, because I have like, a whole camping kit for washing dishes. And I was like, is that too much to take? The whole, like, pop up sink thing and everything. I'm like, okay, that might be too much.

[Arden Marine]

People will talk shit about you. But I think there will also be people that admire you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. First of all, let me just give you some personal context. I travel with a portable kitchen on the road in my van. I have a. I just cleaned it out today. I have a big thing of Tupperware. Like, a big Tupperware thing, has a hot plate, has a pan, has a spatula, has spices, has avocado oil, has soap, has all these things, a steamer. Like a little, like, steamer for. So I'm psychotic. And I get judged a lot. Like, I go into hotels and I look like a real poor man diva. Like, I roll in and people are like, that's a lot of stuff. And then they see, like, a hot plate and they're like, what's going on up? It's. It's like I breaking bad every room. But so. So first of all, part of me is just like, to what you are both saying, like shirk the judgment. Who gives a shit? But you also could maybe find a middle ground where I would, I would, I would bring in your own scrubber thing, but I would maybe also throw in a decoy scrubber thing. So bring in two scrubber things. One is communal and you leave it out there. And then you have your own one that you have in like a plastic bag that you're keeping at your desk and you're bringing in there. It, it makes it so that if someone sees you using it in there, they're not going to think you're bringing your own one. But also, who gives it?

[Arden Marine]

You know what? I think that's really smart because you can blend in in plain sight. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Arden Marine]

You're hiding in plain sight because nobody wants to hear, you know, there was a period of time that I like, didn't eat sugar. And then if you're people be like, what you're like, if you're at a group dinner, they're like, you're not gonna have it. It was mostly because it made me physically feel bad. But the amount of questions, you don't want to deal with the questions all the time. I like the decay. I also travel to hotels with bowls. A cutting board.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bring a cutting board.

[Arden Marine]

I have a cutting board. Bowls. I bring spoons and knives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have spoons and knives.

[Arden Marine]

I bring measuring spoons. I bring oatmeal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a food scale.

[Arden Marine]

I bring, I have a food scale. I bring travel peanut butter. I bring. I, I bring like the apocalypse. Like, okay, we're in the apocalypse. How can I survive in this day's in for seven days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you packing that in your, in your luggage?

[Arden Marine]

Carry on, carry on, carry on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy. You're bringing a knife in your carry on. What kind of knife is it?

[Arden Marine]

So the knife is problematic if it sure is. If I'm there for longer, sure. I'll, I'll check a bag and I'll bring a knife. If not, I'll go to the Whole Foods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll buy a knife there. You get a road knife.

[Arden Marine]

I get a road knife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Nothing wrong with the road knife.

[Arden Marine]

Or I'll intentionally be like, okay, I'm not going to get an apple. I'm going to get like cut up pineapple, banana berries, and I'll steal one of the plastic knives from the like salad bar. And that's my, that's my Travel knife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest. I'm taking a lot of silverware on the road as well. Anyway, Selena, this isn't about how Arden and I are deeply, deeply troubled. This is about your potential decoy sponge. So that is what I would do. The other option you have, and I do think this is a very viable option, is to just stick with the rinse and bring a good bag for you to put the stuff in and wash it at home. But art initiative. I like decoy.

[Arden Marine]

I like decoy. Decoy scrubber.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Decoy scrubber.

[Arden Marine]

And then you need to have a purse. You need to go, like, go to, like, you know, home goods and get your, like, office purse. Like, act like you always have your period, and you need to just, like, bring shit into the bathroom. You know what I mean? Like, that you're, like, just stopping by and that, like, you know, like, that people. It's like, you know, you've got your tote that might or may or may not be waterproof that you're bringing around the office that you. I think, travel decoy. Decoy scrubber.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think decoy scrubber. I'm not sure if I fully co sign, but I'm open to a waterproof purse. It just feels like that people might start going, what the hell's going on over here?

[Arden Marine]

Well, how's she going to travel with the scrubber from the desk to the kitchen? I got to know what I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. You ready for this?

[Arden Marine]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you could stash the bag with the decoy scrubber in the kitchen somewhere where no one goes, oh, interesting. But either way, look, Selena, we've given you some options. Again, I think we're basically all signing off on the idea of the decoy scrubber. How you carry it, how. Also, again, I would say this. I do not think we live in a time anymore where if someone tries to shame you for not using a sick sock sponge, that. That is effective. And I feel like we have moved past that. Like Arden just said, she just came into the 21st century about a year ago. I think it's now okay to say that you are washing your dishes with something that makes them grosser, and that's where you're at.

[Arden Marine]

But, yeah, decoy. I think the decoy. You look like you've written a manifesto, Gareth. Right now, like, you're a guy, like a cat daddy who has some weird cat manifesto. Like, the cats are gonna take over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I can't afford postage. That's like the. I'm like, I will send it into the Government. Once I can afford a first class stamp.

[Arden Marine]

Yes.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah.

[Arden Marine]

You look like a manifesto writer. I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Arden, I was gonna call it. The fact that you put your vest on and then you have it now at your shoulders and you don't know what to do with it. But this isn't the. Hey, listen, we're not gonna over visualize.

[Arden Marine]

I feel like I now I started to, like, be camouflaged into my background and I wanted to look cute. For your YouTube, you know, and then. What if they can't see me? They can't see me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They will figure it out.

[Arden Marine]

My skin, my background, my vest, and my hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are.

[Arden Marine]

They just see like, like cap sleeves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're very visible still. You are coordinated, which is.

[Arden Marine]

I'm back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yarded.

[Arden Marine]

I'm monochrome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. All right, Selena, what do you think you're going to do?

[Selena]

You know, I am really liking the decoy scrubber sponge. I never even thought of that. And even what you were saying about, like, an extra bag, I don't think that would be hard because I'm already kind of known as the person who brings, like, their whole home with them. I don't know if you guys have seen those funny memes or. It's like women leaving the house to work and there's like three bags. My work bag, my purse, my lunch bag. So that's me. So that might not be too hard.

[Sari]

To do to add another bag.

[Arden Marine]

A fun waterproof tote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've set yourself up for being able to be a little Thomas Crownie in the event of this. So is that what you're going to do, Selena? You're going to go with the decoy sponge potentially waterproof bag, and let the haters hate, but hope they don't notice?

[Selena]

Yes. And if. If it doesn't work, I mean, if something happens, I can always go with the sign like you said.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Selena]

I forgot what you said, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What was it saying? If the sponge stinks, it's not ready for something like that.

[Arden Marine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get it out of the sponge.

[Arden Marine]

Yeah, I like that.

[Selena]

There you go. I'll make a little slime like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But let's start with that decoy. With that decoy sponge. I think that's going to be good for you, Selena. Keep us posted. Let us know. And by the way, I think there's a chance you're going to find out that there's a little more mutiny when it comes to the communal sink. Than you think. I bet some people are going to have your back.

[Arden Marine]

I bet some other people don't want to stink in the sink. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They don't. We know. It's. I. The times I've had to explain to people, bring that sponge out. You let a sponge just sit. It's just crazy art.

[Arden Marine]

Now I know, I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now you're traveling with a cutting board and you don't know about the spun. It's just. What a dichotomy.

[Arden Marine]

I was raised by wolves, but I'm figuring it out like I'm becoming an adult.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are. And by the way, we're happy for you. I'm not going to make fun of you. Selena. Thank you for the call. Good luck out there.

[Selena]

Thanks, guys. You have a great day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You all right? And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace. Listen, we're here to solve problems and Squarespace helps us. The problem solvers also solve problems. Despite being really easy to use and very user friendly. Despite the fact that Kevin and I both have our personal websites used by the Squarespace template. Again, makes it look very professional. We also have Squarespace step in like a great bench player on the Here to help basketball team. I'm pushing it. They have helped us make websites for problems that we needed to solve. When people need something to promote them or corroborate a fib. Because look, sometimes you gotta get in the dirt, you gotta muck it up a little bit. Squarespace helps us with that. It is shocking how many problems you can solve with a convincing website. Well, we. I honestly, dare I call it a crutch eventually because we would go like, we could just make you a website and we would just make them a website. Yeah, I mean it. It really is. You could make it for whatever, but also your business. It doesn't always have to be for nefarious activities. They have design, intelligence, Squarespace payments connect social and multimedia accounts. Invoicing, you could sell your content SEO tools. Truly, the list goes on and on. We love Squarespace. Squarespace loves us. I've been told. I haven't actually had contact with them. They don't return emails. Some of them bounce back, which is funny. But. Join the Squarespace movement people.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Head to squarespace.com Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code Gil. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. To get started, go to mintmobile.com here to help. There you'll see that right now all three month plans are only $15 a month, including the unlimited plan. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Find out just how easy it is to switch to Mint mobile and get three months of your premium wireless service for just 15 bucks a month.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To get this new customer offer and your three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com heretohelp that's mint mobile.com heretohelp. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a [e-mail] here to help. 45 upfront payment required, equivalent to 15amonth. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. And we are brought to you by Philo. Listen, Philo's got current seasons of shows that I can't miss. We can't miss. We watch TV together live on networks like A&E, MTV, Discovery and TLC. You've got the classics. The Office, Martin, Friends. What did I say? The classics. I'm not lying. Shows you can watch over and over again. Originals on AMC, Mad Men, Orphan Black. It's also got 75,000 movies and shows. That is the rest of your life's viewing pleasure right there. All right. You can rewatch it over and over again. And look, I've said it before. Jake and I. Jake and I will text about some of the shows that maybe aren't as mainstream. We have a lot of those in common. One of those is Love after Lockup or Life after Lockup. This show is something you should really get involved in. It's a very bingeable show and it is available here, so. But also Jersey Shore family vacation Catfish. Honestly, the re. One of the reasons Jake and I were able to start this show was because of Jake's love of catfish. So Golden Girls, best pilot ever made. You can go watch all these shows. So do it.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Best of all, with Philo, you get all this for just 28 bucks a month. No contracts, no hassles, just one subscription and a world of entertainment. So go to Philo TV and check it out for a free seven day trial. That's Philo P H I L O tv to start watching.

[Sari]

Hello. How we doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How we doing? We're doing good. How are we doing over there?

[Sari]

We're doing great over here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Damn right we are. Listen, we over Here know that you're a follow up. But we don't know to what and we don't know how much we solved it. I will say you just have Gareth on the shark on this one. So if you notice that Jake's quiet, it's because he's not here. What is your name, please?

[Sari]

My name is Sari. Like a fairy, AKA butter toe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had called, yes.

[Sari]

Because I was nervous to show my new boyfriend, my wife.

[Kevin Bartelt]

Yeah, your feet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we just basically. I mean, what remind me. But I'm pretty sure we just told you.

[Sari]

Yeah, yeah, so it turned. My original pitch was something along the lines of like asking for help create. Fabricating a story as to why my toes are so weird. And I kind of wanted to hide behind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I saw your toes and you saw remind you too.

[Sari]

I will say that up there. But you, you guys turned it. You took the whole tone and you shifted it into like, hey, instead of hiding behind humor to, you know, hide your insecurities, what if we turn this into a self love story and you guys basically just told me like, hey, your toes are fine, you should accept them if your boyfriend doesn't accept your toes. What a weirdo. Dumping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also, I mean, I think the male perspective on this is there's no, I mean, unless you're talking about like a fetish community, there's no guy who's just going to go like, whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Okay, so, well, how did it play out and what happened?

[Sari]

So I've been in LA for a week now. I'm finally here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, right, because you're like moving in with this dude basically.

[Sari]

Well, moving nearby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, right.

[Sari]

And we've obviously spent a lot of time together and we had. Ironically, it was just the. All the pieces kind of fell together because we were having a conversation, you know, like, what do we, like what do we not like, you know, that type of thing. And he casually dropped in there, like, you know, like, I'm not really into feet. Like, I always thought that was kind of weird. Like, so that just happened to fall in my lap, which made me think of the words of the kindness that you guys shared with me. And I do recall Jake, in fact saying, I have perfectly good toes and I'm going to take that and live with that for the rest of my life and let that guide me in the world because we had awesome sex and I didn't, I didn't wear socks the whole time. So. Wow, I'm pretty proud of myself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what hap. What did anything get said ever?

[Sari]

Yeah, Nothing. Exactly. Which is you guys predicted. You said you were like, he's not going to say anything. And I just had to take a leap of faith and trust you guys, because you were right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's a good. It's a good lesson for really anybody who has a hang up about a physical thing for the most part, which is that nobody notices this thing more than you. That's not to say it's not noticeable or whatever, but there is. You really should not feel it. Just know people, when they look at your face or your body, they're looking at it in a way that you just don't. We all have a physical hang up where we go, this is what my problem is, or whatever in nobody gives a shit. So I'm very glad to hear that. It sounds like our solve was really just believe in yourself and don't give a shit. But I will say it sounds like we should take credit for this one. I think I would ask, are we ringing the bell on this one?

[Sari]

I. Let me say, I feel like I called for help hiding my dogs and you guys helped me let my dogs out so I would ring the bell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think this is let them run in the yard. Garrison, right now you can't hear it because you know Zoom has a noise cancellation. Yeah. We're trying to figure out how we can bust a bell through Zoom, but unfortunately we haven't gotten. If you want, we don't have time for that right now, but we appreciate the hell out of it. Good for you. Enjoy your time and enjoy no longer having a toe hang up.

[Sari]

I really appreciate. This is life. Life changing stuff here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? I would maybe go one harder and tell him you don't like his feet. Just to feel confident. Why not? Let's just like start throwing darts at someone else's.

[Sari]

Take it over the edge a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Push it.

[Sari]

Deflection is always good. It's never a problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shark, you got something for the video of this episode, is it okay that we show the picture or do you want us to, like, are you not comfortable with it?

[Sari]

I didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't even contemplate a good question. Yeah, I just wanted to ask you before we.

[Sari]

Before we post, man, I think maybe if I. If I really believe what you guys have taught me, which is to love myself, I should probably say you can show. Right? Like that's where we're going with this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what I would say. I would say one of two things. Either if you're gonna say yes, understand that the Internet Internets and like the way. Same way that I got called Fat Aaron, Paul or all these other things. There's just good. If you're gonna go dip in the comments, which I would recommend you don't, you'll probably hear some people who probably would maybe make you feel, like, shitty. But I also would say, again, I mean, that's just there. You're probably going to see support and stuff like that. But I would say if you do it, just fully ignore it and never dip in and read anything about it because you now have confidence, which is most important. But also feel free to say, no, I.

[Sari]

My whole thing is like, I'm not having sex with anybody in those comments, so I don't give a fuck. But that's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a great mo. So there you go. It's a great mto. All right, so we are going to show it, if that's cool.

[Sari]

That's fine. That works for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You rule, Sari. Thank you. Thank you, Siri. Appreciate it.

[Sari]

Have a good one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You too. Bye.

[Kevin Bartelt]

We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associated producer and editor is AJ McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakiyo and our video editor is John de Bruyne.

[Kevin Bartelt]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you could check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R A L L.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.com the album artwork is by James Fosdike. You can find him on Instagram@jamesfdike Dash and if you'd like to see me do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram @padyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to Episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] heretohelpod.

[Kevin Bartelt]

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.