141: Comedy Can Be Fun (Season 1 Finale)

Summary

We're Here to Help – Episode 141: "Comedy Can Be Fun" (Season 1 Finale)
Release Date: December 19, 2024
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Produced by: Headgum

---

Season Reflections and Future Plans

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds kick off the finale by reminiscing about the origins of their podcast. They share how their friendship, built over 15 years through casual conversations and humorous banter, evolved into a platform where they offer advice to listeners.

• Jake (00:26): “And we are kind of back.”
• Gareth (03:33): “But one thing we've talked about off air is how much we appreciate all the listeners…”

The hosts express deep gratitude towards their community, acknowledging the pivotal role listener feedback and support have played in shaping the show. They highlight the collaborative efforts of their behind-the-scenes team members—Zoe, AJ, Josh, and Caitlin—who have been instrumental in elevating the podcast's quality.

As the discussion progresses, Gareth reveals exciting news:

• Gareth (06:12): “We've got a great offer from Headgum where we're going to come back and do 50 episodes. We're going to do a season two...”

He emphasizes that Season 2 will maintain the weekly format, with episodes releasing every Monday, albeit without video content. The revival is a direct response to overwhelming listener support, ensuring that the podcast continues to grow and evolve based on audience preferences.

Caller Segment 1: Kate's Dilemma with Janice's Ashes

The episode transitions into its first major segment, where Kate calls in seeking advice about fulfilling her grandmother Janice's final wishes.

Kate (10:07):
“...she doesn't want to be really with her parents. Her first order of business was that we sprinkle her ashes wherever she's had fun... in the past two years she's set on getting buried with my dead dog in my backyard.”

Issue:
Janice, Kate's 86-year-old grandmother, desires to have her ashes scattered in places she enjoyed during her lifetime. However, she insists on being buried with Kate's deceased dog in the family backyard, a plan that conflicts with Kate's mother's discomfort and estranged relationship with Janice.

Hosts' Brainstorming:

Gareth (14:21):
“So we got a great offer from Headgum where we're going to come back and do 50 episodes...”

Jake (15:21):
“I think you could lie in one direction. You could lie...”

The hosts propose various creative and humorous solutions to navigate the sensitive situation:

1. Option One (Gareth at 14:46): Propose a stylish alternative by placing Janice's ashes in an elegant container, emphasizing a refined approach.

   • Gareth (19:35):
     “...if you wanted to put her in something very expensive, very nice, like a little case...”

2. Option Two (Jake at 22:06): Suggest a combination approach by using both stable and fine china elements, appealing to Janice's love for horses.

   • Jake (22:06):
     “Seal it up and just drop it off the boat one day when you're going…”

Kate's Resolution:

After considering the pitches, Kate decides to approach Janice with the idea of selecting her own elegant container and incorporating a place related to her beloved horses. This compromise aims to honor Janice's wishes while addressing the family's concerns.

• Kate (23:20):
  “Yeah. And I like... it's perfect.”

Caller Segment 2: Kara's Tattoo Quandary

The second major caller, Kara, reaches out with a unique workplace dilemma involving her coworker and a peculiar tattoo coincidence.

Kara (34:14):
“...I have a tattoo of a bow tie pasta... my coworker ... got the exact same tattoo on her elbow without telling me.”

Issue:
During a night out, Kara's coworker compliments her bow tie pasta tattoo. The next day, Kara discovers that her coworker has inked the same design in the same spot, leading to confusion and uncertainty about how to address the situation professionally.

Hosts' Advice:

Gareth (39:04):
“I think we gotta be careful... you don't want to lose your job...”

The hosts navigate through potential reactions:

1. Celebrate the Coincidence:
   Encourage Kara to embrace the similarity and use it as an icebreaker, fostering a positive relationship.

   • Gareth (40:43):
     “...kiss the bear but celebrate it and be the noodle twins.”

2. Introduce Humor:
   Suggest playful interactions, such as Kara acquiring a different food-themed tattoo to differentiate herself.

   • Jake (41:28):
     “Get a fake henna tattoo on the other elbow...”

Kara's Takeaway:

Ultimately, Kara decides to maintain a lighthearted stance, choosing not to let the incident disrupt her professional environment. She appreciates the hosts' perspectives and plans to handle future interactions with a mix of humor and grace.

• Kara (45:05):
  “It just felt like you made the comment just to get the joke in there, but I appreciated it nonetheless...”

Closing Remarks and Future Directions

As Season 1 concludes, Jake and Gareth reiterate their commitment to the podcast, thanking their listeners once more and teasing upcoming content for Season 2. They encourage continued participation from their audience, inviting new questions and interactions.

• Gareth (56:33):
  “And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPod.gmail.com...”

The hosts also briefly mention upcoming sponsorships and acknowledge their production team, ensuring that the community feels appreciated and integral to the show's success.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson (03:01):
  “We were busting each other's balls and finding some, you know, good advice as well as ways to mock each other.”

• Gareth Reynolds (04:13):
  “This is what is great about the show is there's a community based around trusting us to hear your problems and making them public.”

• Jake Johnson (19:16):
  “Not a barf bag. What was your great line? Comedy could be fun.”

• Gareth Reynolds (28:43):
  “I think you do that, and then deep down, it's really weird, but just celebrate it and be the noodle twins.”

---

Conclusion

Episode 141 serves as a heartfelt culmination of Season 1, blending humor with genuine advice as Jake and Gareth navigate complex personal dilemmas presented by their listeners. Their ability to infuse comedy into serious situations underscores the podcast's unique charm, promising an engaging Season 2 fueled by community interaction and authentic camaraderie.

---

Disclaimer: The advice provided in "We're Here to Help" is intended for entertainment purposes only. Listeners are encouraged to consult professionals for personal matters.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

Lights are going up, snow is falling down. There's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere. Stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

McRib is here at participate at McDonald's.

[Jake Johnson]

For a limited time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are kind of back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One more final episode of our first season.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But this is the first big season. We started this as. The beginning of this was Gareth came and visited me at a kids park where I was with my kids.

[Jake Johnson]

I was there already. I just happened to. You stumbled on me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. What are you doing, brother?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Jake. Jake goes, do you have kids? And I said, no, I just like watching them run. I just like watching the kids play.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we said, we. We talked to the idea and I said, well, let's do this. Let's do 10 on spec. And if I got to pay, the producer will payment. If the premise doesn't work, then we bury it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we got the shark.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We started doing them and it was really fun. I think. I think it was not. It wasn't totally right away because the beginnings, they were really serious calls.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I remember the beginning. We were like, you know, people were talking about, like, real relationship problems. And we were like, this is not us.

[Jake Johnson]

Took a minute, but they were. Right away we were like, this is a good way to be funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And helpful. You know, I mean, really, we were just like. That was the thing was, I think, like, obviously we didn't. You know, I thought. I thought we would be good at doing this kind of a show together. And very quickly we were busting each other's balls and finding some, you know, good advice as well as ways to mock each other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Zoe was our first guest. Right?

[Zoe]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But yeah, So, I mean, that's really. Like, we talked about it and we. Right away, we just started enjoying it. We started doing it. We had a great reaction. And then I think as we went through it, we just were like, we're going to take a break and we'll see what happens. So if you're listening to this in 2027. Whoa. And there's six more seasons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But one thing we've talked about off air that we would like to say is how much we appreciate all the listeners, how much we appreciate all the emails, how much we appreciate the community, the people who have stuck with it and cared and made it really fun and pushed us to keep doing it and. Because without you guys, honestly, we're just. We're three dudes doing a zoom.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a happy hour during the pandemic.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a sad one. Without question. It is. That is. What is great about the show is there's a community based around trusting us to hear your problems and making them public.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And all the comments, honestly, had been something. Gareth isn't a big comment reader, but Shark and I are. So this show has evolved in a choose your own adventure kind of way, where all of a sudden, guests and how we do the guests. What has been so fun is getting the analytics and seeing the numbers, seeing what people respond to, what they don't, and being able to make changes quickly without studios, without networks, without financiers, without anybody really, besides the three of us making those decisions. That has been such a fun part of it. And the. The way that this base has responded and continued to tell us what they like and what they don't like has made it really fun to kind of move with everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

It's really. What is the best part about doing a podcast, is that you can pick what you want to do. I mean, you and I both have a foot in the other world, and it's different. It's not. It's just different 100%. And so if you're listening to the. Oh, go ahead.

[Zoe]

I was going to say. And with that, you know, something that you guys pushed for that was super helpful for me, too, was like, let's hire really talented people to work with us, too. So shout out to aj, John, Josh and Caitlin. They helped so much behind the scenes making this 100% really, really good. And so I know that the three of us are, like, extremely appreciative of, like, everything they did behind the scenes, too. So that was really fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Became. It became a real team. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think probably Caitlin was the beginning of it when she Emailed the show and then we had a zoom with her and we hired her on the spot.

[Zoe]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then all of a sudden, she's running our social media and blowing it up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. Our show has more followers than I do. And that happened quickly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fast. But, like, that's an exciting. That was a really exciting part of it. And then when the New York Times reached out to us via email.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I was like, oh, this is so nice. We're like, it's not through publicist, it's not through a project. We're able to kind of do this. During the strike, it felt like, ooh, this is really exciting. I see why people get really hooked into the new world where you're like, oh, it's really exciting and it's really fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. So listen to the show, share the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also, truly, thank you for being part of it, because it's been really fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Appreciate it. And appreciate all the tattoos people have gotten. So really enjoy it, share it. And without, for the last time in a little while, adieu.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, this is Jake. I am coming back into the intro at a later time. This was the shark's idea to put a little tag onto this because after all this talk of being done, things have changed. We have received and loved the output from the fans. We've gotten literally hundreds of responses saying, don't stop, keep going. And it's really meant a lot to us. It's been really fun. And so we got a great offer from Headgum where we're going to come back and do 50 episodes. We're going to do a season two. It's going to be once a week. It's going to release on Monday. There's not going to be the video of it, but we are going to keep it going. So we're going to get back in it, have a lot more of Gareth and I. We're going to figure out the schedule and we're going to move forward. We're going to keep the show alive. It's going to start again towards the end of January. There's going to be a little bit of break and we are going to keep this thing going. So it honestly happened because of the base and you guys reaching out. And so we're going to listen. So we're very excited. Thank you for telling us to make it work. And we did. And so we will see everybody end of January. I think it's something like January 19th or 17th, something in that zone. And so have a great holiday. We hope you enjoyed season one. And we're going to start season two with a whole lot of me and the Garf man and build this thing up and let's see what happens and see if season two felt any different than season one. So without further ado.

[Kate]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, welcome to the show.

[Kate]

Wait, this is crazy. Hello?

[Jake Johnson]

This is crazy. This is nuts. We shouldn't do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, next caller please.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, this is crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. Can we get your name please?

[Kate]

Yes, my name is Kate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate. And Kate yes if you were in the jungle and you're having a fantasy what animal would you like to see first? Mine would be a silverback. Yours would be a what?

[Kate]

A sloth.

[Jake Johnson]

Sloth is a great answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought you said slob. I was like Jake if I you in the jungle or Shinchin Eddie honey.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S just Berg with his shirt off taking a one hitter There's a, there's a chicken burning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a chicken burning. So you would want to see a sloth of all.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's a great answer.

[Kate]

I feel like they're just not threatening like non predatory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah that's cool. Yeah very chill Kate, you like a chill sloth. Where are you from?

[Kate]

I am from New York.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The city?

[Kate]

No, Long Island.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth was just in New York State.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, not Long Island.

[Kate]

Kate you should come out of here, it's beautiful.

[Jake Johnson]

Nah, I'm good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate Sloth, Long island. What can we do for you today?

[Kate]

So I'm having an issue with my grandma so her name is Janice. She's 86 so she's around the age where, you know, we're trying to ask her her dying wishes where she would like to be. She's not married. She doesn't want to be like really with her parents. We're like where, where do you want us to put you when you have passed in the nicest way? And her first order of business was that we sprinkle her ashes wherever she's had fun which seems like a lot of work but in the past, in, yeah in the past two years she's set on getting buried with my dead dog in my backyard.

[Jake Johnson]

Her dead dog?

[Kate]

No, no no no My, my dead dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She wants to go where your pet dog was.

[Kate]

Correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I think we could heighten that a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Was she close with your dog?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A little bit.

[Kate]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let's not, let's not put her with the dead dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah it's interesting.

[Kate]

Yeah no, I mean she was. Yeah it's like in my parents backyard she likes the dog but I think it's just a little. A little kooky to have her in their backyard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed. Yeah. We're all signing off on that being not. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. So, yeah. So Kate Sloth, Long island grandma named Janice86, wants to get sprinkled where she had fun, maybe brought up the backyard with the dog. What else you got?

[Kate]

So, yeah, so the. The main issue is that now the. The dog thing is like, that's what she's hell bent on. And she really wants to like, put it in writing that we have to put her body in our backyard now.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry, it felt like we were talking about cremating y. Yeah, we are talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not talking about the bot.

[Jake Johnson]

We're tming.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's criminal.

[Kate]

No, no, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not putting 114 pounds woman in the dirt.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no, no, no. I got my first pitch cre.

[Kate]

But yeah, like full ashes. Not just a little bit. The whole thing in. In my backyard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so then what is the. So that seems pretty clear. Janice has staked her claim. She wants to. Is it. Is it her son or her daughter who lives there? Is it her? Is your mom her. Connected to Janice?

[Kate]

Yes. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So she wants to be in her daughter's backyard. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Kate]

Correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So. So my question is she's coming for Christmas and we kind of have to break the news to her that we're not going to do this.

[Jake Johnson]

Why? Yeah, why? Sorry. Not. Let's devil's advocate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm already at Jan. I'm on Janice. I'm on Janice's sidewalk.

[Jake Johnson]

It's ash.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agree.

[Kate]

Yeah, that's fair. No, that's fair. I personally would not care. My mom is hell bent on. No. So I'm kind of stuck between convincing my mom that this is fine or getting Janice to choose a different route. So I'm kind of stuck in the middle here.

[Jake Johnson]

What's your mom's aversion? Just. I mean, it's her mother's ashes. That's it, basically.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Kate]

They're not like the best of friends, so I think she doesn't really want her in that close proximity.

[Jake Johnson]

I guess that is a strange. This reasoning is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, we're digging so much, we might find dog.

[Kate]

Yeah, it.

[Jake Johnson]

It seems so. The issue is that your mother and your and Janice have such an estranged Ish relationship that that's why your mother doesn't want her in the yard.

[Kate]

Correct. Yes. And she feels like this was her dog. Like her.

[Jake Johnson]

It wasn't soul dog.

[Kate]

No. My Mom. My mom.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, gotcha, gotcha.

[Kate]

So my mom doesn't want her with the dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I got to jump in. Is all this real?

[Kate]

Yeah, unfortunately.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is wild. So your mother doesn't want her mother's ashes near her dog?

[Kate]

Yes, yes, correct. And also in her backyard.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, so here's what we got to do. We gotta pitch to you pitches that you can pitch to Janice so that Janice doesn't have to get rejected, but she could get. I used to call Gareth option one, because whenever we would make a bet, he would always say yes to option one without ever hearing.

[Jake Johnson]

Still happen. This still happens, by the way. I. I hear the first pitch and I go, hey, you're not going to beat that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I go. He goes. And then there'll be a pause and he goes, what was going to be the second thing? I go, something that gave you a bigger advantage.

[Jake Johnson]

Second thing's vastly better. And I'm like, ah, way better idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we already shook on option one, so what we need to do is we need to. You need to present Janice with something that she signs off on and goes, that sounds fun. Fully forgets about the backyard. No 86 year old woman needs to hear that her daughter doesn't want her near her dead dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It's such a weird rejection. I think Jake's right. I have a nuclear pitch that I'll save till the end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to start with it? Just see what happens? See if it takes us on a weird alley.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you could lie in one direction. You could lie. You could lie to Janice and just be like, yeah, we're going to put you in the yard. Then you don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ghosts.

[Jake Johnson]

She's ash.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ghosts. Ghosts. Spirits.

[Kate]

I'm on that.

[Kara]

You never know.

[Kate]

This is where she's the haunting type.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you just. Look, Gareth, we could all say, we all know what happens when we don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's my lie. In the other direction. You tell Janice, your mother's going to reject it. But don't worry, you're going to put the ashes in the yard when your mom's not around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love that.

[Kate]

I was thinking about that, but I am a really bad liar, so I would. I would tell my mom. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so we can't do that. Kate, give me three things about Janice that's unique.

[Kate]

She's a horse girl.

[Jake Johnson]

A horse girl? What, like a centaur?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know that's not it, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, but comedy can be fun sometimes.

[Kate]

Yeah, yeah. Love his horses. Big horse girl.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean she's a center. All right, come on, dip them, Dip them, guys. They're not working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, first of all, I gotta thank everybody in this crowd tonight. Every one of you I love. Okay, so she's a horse girl.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Kate]

Yeah. She's very bougie. Like, she likes, like, fine china. She likes nice, nice things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like this. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, Kate, you're firing off great example.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, these are great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, wow.

[Kate]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Horse girl. She's bougie. She likes fine chinas. What else we got on Janice?

[Kate]

She doesn't love people.

[Zoe]

Is she single?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Is she? Kevin?

[Jake Johnson]

Does she like pens?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does she like.

[Jake Johnson]

Does she. Does she have a twitch about pens?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does she have a hedgehog?

[Jake Johnson]

Hedgehog. Which still blows my mind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. She doesn't like people. I got. So you're in Long Island. Are there any barns near you?

[Kate]

Yes. Yeah, there is. And she actually used to have her horses on Long Island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Do you know where Is the place that she used to have her horses still open and available?

[Kate]

It is, yes. I don't know if the stable area is open to the public, but my dad. Hey, Kate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate. It doesn't have to be kid.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake's told his story before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it doesn't give the.

[Jake Johnson]

Give the Cliff Notes. You essentially snuck your father's ashes into Wrigley Field. You. You didn't ask for permission to put your dad's ashes in Wrigley Field. You did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I threw out the first pitch, and then I walked by home plate and I scat. He was in my pocket, so it's very easy to.

[Jake Johnson]

To go there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I scattered the old guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you could get a monocle, go down there and pretend you're interested in buying a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do is. Break in. In the middle of the night or just.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I mean, again, it's ashes, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to do it. So here's. Here's my. Here's my first pitch. I don't hate. I liked Gareth's lie. I thought it was going to be crazier, but I think it's a good pitch of just saying to your mom, I didn't do it, and then do it. But if you're going to tell the mom, then you're creating a lot of trouble. You don't need to do that. So here's what I would pitch. I would say to your grandma, Janice, here's what I'm thinking. I want to put you in a. In a very expensive bottle. So not this trash bag. Not a barf bag. I Want you in fine china the nicest one you've got. It might be g. You never know.

[Jake Johnson]

What? I like that. I just love the idea of being, like. Not a barf bag. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a barf bag. What was your great line? Comedy could be fun. But I would say you're putting her in something very expensive, very nice, like a little case. And then what you would love to do, with her permission is bury her where her beloved horses once were, because you would love the image of her riding on those goddamn stallions. They're back in it with just a skirt on.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. It's weird. It got weird, obviously, at the end, but I think that's.

[Kate]

But I like the rest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cut the end.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, the end is super. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cut the end. I blew it in the end. I was gonna say topless.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Whoa. But maybe you didn't blow it. Now you. Definitely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I'm cooking with gas.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you're not. No, I'm not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm ruining it.

[Jake Johnson]

Stove's off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think of that?

[Jake Johnson]

I like that a lot.

[Kate]

Yeah? Yeah, I like that. I feel like she could go for something like that, too. Just like a. A really nice, kind of like, little cozy second home in her.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So she can ride off to the next existence.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I like that.

[Kate]

Yeah, I like that. I don't know how I could bury her at the stable that way. Like, incognito.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course you can. Okay. Kate, it's not a body. You're not going six feet deep.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's how you bury ashes. Take them in a cup, throw them over your shoulder. The wind takes them. They're buried.

[Jake Johnson]

And by the way, there's nothing ownership can do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they're not gonna do this. Hey, it's cooling. Okay. I'm cool. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey. All right. What are you gonna do? Suck the ashes up with a straw? It's over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're everywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

In the dirt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's quite literally trash. Now it's ashes. It's part of your part when you say you don't know how you could do it. Kate, are you thinking six feet in and in a coffin? What do you think is the tricky part of burying at literal ashes?

[Kate]

I'm thinking, like, if I had her in a nice container, then burying the container.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate, how big is this container in your eyes?

[Kate]

Like, a couple of feet, maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, they're very big. Is that. Yeah. Person does not turn into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? I would much. You know what I would do, actually? I would put it in A container. Then pour the container out, take the container home.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I would suggest. Just to pitch on that nice container. Something classy. She could fucking shop with you for this thing. Half on where we're talking about at the horse area, the stables. And then keep half at your house. Keep half at your house on a mantle. It's nice. Keep her in something nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's interesting. Okay, what do you think? What do you think of that, Kate?

[Jake Johnson]

You don't want to have her around, do you?

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She said she's the haunting type.

[Kate]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She also. I mean, it would be at my parents house and my mom obviously wouldn't like that. My dad also suggested that we put her in the horse poop area of a stable. So that kind of. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Is there shade on that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's a meanness there. Nasty.

[Kate]

Yeah, yeah, that's a little.

[Kara]

A little spicy.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is. All right. I'm gonna pitch one more thing. Just because you're on Long island, so you're. The water is a possibility as well. What if we did half stable, half the nice china thing you have. Seal it up and just drop it off the boat one day when you're going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does Janice like the water?

[Kate]

Yes, I like that. I like that idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Because then you kind of titanics down to the bottom and is kind of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like by the way. And then you get to use the nice china. So.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Then you kind of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The stable is. You just throw it out and then you drop the other half in the water. What do you think, Kate? You gonna pitch this to Janice?

[Kate]

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. And I like. I'm. I'm gonna pitch to her that she can pick out her own container because I think she would like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's do.

[Kate]

This is perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's do this really fast. Kate, let's hear how you're going to pitch it to her.

[Jake Johnson]

Does anyone need to be Janice for this? Jake?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think so.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

It could be interesting to just have someone there to just kind of react lightly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think so.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, would you like to play Janice?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I guess, if you think we need. Yeah, for sure. Cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

Either way.

[Kate]

I think we need it. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. And what was. What's Janice's ex husband called?

[Kate]

There's a few, but Angelo would be the main one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And did Angelo pass on?

[Kate]

Yes, he did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what did Angelo do for work?

[Kate]

He was an artist and a psychiatrist.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course. The big two and an actor. Bingo. As we all are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Angelo.

[Jake Johnson]

I've always wanted my shrink to act.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They do. They act like they're interested.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Kate, let's hear the pitch.

[Kate]

Okay. Hi, Grammy.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, hello, Kate.

[Kate]

Hello. So you know how we were talking about you being buried with Lucy in the yard? Yes, yes, yes. In the yard. I was thinking that, you know, we're gonna sell the house one day, and then I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to come visit you if you were here with Lucy. So I was thinking if we set you a com. Set where you used to have your horses.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Kate]

And then we could pick out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop.

[Kate]

Maybe a night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. We gotta start this over.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not a me note. I was very. To me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't start with the negative.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, as a sales person. As a salesperson, if you're trying to sell a 1999 Corsica, a Chevy Corsica, you don't go, I don't have the Malibu available. But you don't even want it. You know what I do have is a 99. You're going. Looking at you. I. I know what you want. You're gonna get out of here.

[Jake Johnson]

Step into the role real quick. Corsica it up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. You want me to be Kate?

[Zoe]

Be Kate.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm Janice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that okay with you?

[Kate]

Perfect. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what I was going to do. And you can do it if it feels right. At a certain point, when Janice starts talking too much, you can jump in as Angelo and say that you've always loved her and you want her back.

[Kate]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was going to be a way to just derail the call. But maybe Kate can derail us.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but you cannot broadcast your derailment. I was very subtle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You were at first, but you were building.

[Jake Johnson]

I was gonna. That was my 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Janice, what do you. By the way, Kate, what do you call Grammy?

[Jake Johnson]

Grammy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you call it. What do you call her?

[Jake Johnson]

Grammy.

[Kate]

Yeah, he's got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you. Christopher Walken and Annie Hall.

[Jake Johnson]

It's Grammy. Grammy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grammy. My name is Grammy. To me, comedy can be.

[Jake Johnson]

Comedy can be fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grammy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I have a wonderful idea that I wanted to run by you that we're all very excited about.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I was. I wanted to see if you were as excited about this as us.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She is changing every line.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, because I just had to drop Walker. Come on, stick with me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were thinking, do you know where you had your horses?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yes, the stables.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were wondering if it was okay with you, if we could bury your ashes there, because we know how much you loved it there, and we love thinking of you there with your horses, riding in a skirt and topless and just really enjoying.

[Jake Johnson]

I had a top on. I always wore a top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Grammy, you're getting lost in the weeds of the pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you're the one who's a bit lost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am. I am. If you pushed it, what do you think?

[Jake Johnson]

Comedy can be fun, but there are limits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It has to be appropriate. Yes, Grammy. What do you think about that? And then what we were thinking, if you wanted the other half, is we could actually get really fine china and throw you in the east fucking River.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the end fell apart, but everything up until then sounded pretty amenable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't love the idea of you throw me in the, quote, east fucking River.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry. That's me. Angelo, honey, I'm back. I'm back, baby. For what's mine. J. In your mind, baby.

[Jake Johnson]

The acting, painting, shrink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me tell you what I love about you, honey. You are a horse in a skirt. Topless.

[Jake Johnson]

Mama, I knew it was Angela the whole time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to throw you in the east river, baby. And I'm going to jump in after yous.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm digging the dog up and tossing it in after you, baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate, what do you think? This one kind of went off the rails a little bit, but what do you think, for real, about the pitch?

[Kate]

I like it. I think that's a better idea. Just don't even mention.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just go positive. Go positive.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's try it.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you follow up with us?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. That's what I was going to say. Give it. Give it a pitch and honestly follow up. Let us know how it goes. And I am not opposed to the idea on that follow up. If Janice needs to have a little more pressure applied to having her join the call. Ideally she doesn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But let us know how it goes. Kate. But I think that's pretty good.

[Kate]

He's a stubborn lady. But. But I'm gonna. I'm gonna try my best.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. All right, Kate, we appreciate it. Good luck.

[Kate]

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

[Jake Johnson]

And by the way, Rip Angelo, we lost a real one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We did.

[Kate]

Truly.

[Kara]

Yes.

[Kate]

Thank you. Thank you so much. It means a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Kara]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are brought to you by door Dash. Listen, every holiday season starts with the best intentions. You're gonna bake that homemade pie. Kevin, I did make a pie last Christmas and it was delicious. You're gonna get all your holiday shopping done early, but life gets in the way. So don't feel bad. It happens with everyone. Luckily, you've got doordash.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we're brought to you by Alma. We obviously on this show give out advice, but it's a little tongue in cheek. But if you have a therapist, had a therapist, used one in the past, whatever it is, you know, it can be pretty difficult to find someone. Pretty difficult to find the right fit. You're sifting through hundreds of options. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's the person you want. So that's what Alma does. Alma basically helps filter the therapist through search engines in ways to get a therapist that you want to have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

And it's. It's me. It's not the shirt. I have the other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello. Hello. Welcome to. We are here to help.

[Kara]

Oh my gosh.

[Connor]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey. Shocking. Hi.

[Kara]

How's it going?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. How's it going with you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Kate]

Pretty good, I'd say.

[Kara]

So far.

[Jake Johnson]

What's up?

[Kara]

Not much. Just was, you know, sitting, eating some soup and then I got a message that you guys are looking for calls and now.

[Jake Johnson]

What kind of soup?

[Kara]

Italian wedding soup.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let's do this. What's your name?

[Kara]

My name will go by Kara.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kara. And where are you calling from?

[Kara]

Denver, Colorado.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Denver. And what do you do for work? What's your day to day, Kara?

[Kara]

That actually is going to tie into my story. So let me think if I.

[Kate]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll share.

[Kara]

I'm a graphic designer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool. All right. So Kara, graphic designer from Denver. What's the issue today?

[Kara]

So I am pretty close with some of my co workers. It's a pretty small company and last weekend, actually only a few days ago, the night before Thanksgiving, me and one of my closest friends who's a coworker and one of our other coworkers all went out dancing, fun. And we're dancing, having fun. And my coworker's friend points out my tattoo. I have a tattoo of a bow tie pasta, a noodle on my like elbow kind like my inner arm. And he was like, oh, I really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, two months.

[Jake Johnson]

Pretty good. I like that zone.

[Kara]

That, that, that's kind of where we're going with it. I guess everyone likes the idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Why would you not get an elbow pasta there? I mean it just.

[Kara]

Oh, wow. You actually know exactly where this is head. In a crazy way, I will say if you actually want to know. One of my friends once asked me as an icebreaker question, if your sexual identity was a pasta noodle, what would you pick? And I picked a bow Tie. Okay, so I then got it tattooed, of course. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why would your sexual identity be a bow tie?

[Kara]

I mean, she's kind of beautiful. She's got a little kink in the middle, rough around the edges, but she's got a really beautiful face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Unfortunately, mine would be angel hair.

[Jake Johnson]

But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our mother Tamil is out. Love it. To be a lasagna noodle.

[Jake Johnson]

Lasagna is the best. I'm a lasagna sheet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just lay on top of you. And then there's another one of me. And then there's another one of me.

[Zoe]

You're talking to three short angel hairs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so keep going. So you got a bow tie noodle.

[Kara]

Everyone's kind of making their jokes about what their noodle shape would be. Whatever. And I joke like, oh, my God, we should all get matching. Whatever. And also, to be clear, me and this coworker are not that close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shouldn't get matching tattoos.

[Kara]

Definitely not. I would not say so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say pass. Unless you're very close.

[Kate]

Yes.

[Kara]

And that we are not. But if she's listening to this love you, girl, I guess then, you know, we go home, we have a good night, whatever. And the next day, I look on Instagram and she says, you know, so excited. Love a spontaneous tattoo day. And she has gotten an elbow macaroni noodle in the exact same spot mine is in.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, wow.

[Kara]

But posted on Instagram. Didn't text me, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Very.

[Jake Johnson]

Absolutely weird. Yep.

[Kara]

Very glad that you guys agree.

[Jake Johnson]

So she went sober the next day?

[Kara]

Yes, the next day.

[Jake Johnson]

Strange. Yep, strange. Okay, so then I guess the question.

[Kara]

Being tomorrow is Monday, I go into work. What do we. How do I handle it? What do I do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But is she expecting you to have a new tattoo, or she's just matching the one you have?

[Kara]

I think she's just matching the one I already have there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kara, there's nothing you can do. You got single white female.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you remember now, are we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we pretending that you've seen it, or are you pretending you. Or do you want to be surprised by it?

[Kara]

Okay, I guess maybe what I want is, like, maybe to be surprised, but mostly when it comes up, inevitably. Is there a kind of joke I can make or, like a comment that isn't confrontational but is kind of playing with the fact that, oh, you copied me a little bit. Is there anything I can say that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly what you're saying, you know, you.

[Jake Johnson]

Could say we need a good answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you could say is that, oh, you know what we could do next? We could Jump off a bridge.

[Kara]

Yeah, that's a good one. I like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right now it's a little bit mean. And I don't know if you want to get mean with a co worker or you could go, oh, what if we got like a. You know. But there's something in the zone. But I don't even know if you want to do this, Kara. And I'll tell you why. You're entering a weird situation.

[Jake Johnson]

It's weird, it's a little red flaggy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And look, if this was just a random friend of a friend at a bar, you could do a mean joke. You're stuck at work.

[Kate]

It's true.

[Kara]

And guess what? She's my supervisor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, love you, girl, if you're listening.

[Kara]

No, girl, love you if you're listening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love you if you're listening. Love the tat. So cute. Besties for life. Seriously, I think, honestly on this one, we gotta be careful. Yeah, you don't want to lose your job, you don't want trouble. She saw the attention you were getting with the noodle elbow, she just took it. She's trying to. She's trying to be you a little bit.

[Kara]

I mean, that's the greatest compliment of all, isn't it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. It's a good.

[Jake Johnson]

That I think you need to have a reaction of. Oh, wow, that's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually did it.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Yeah, I think you gotta pull off something like that because if she's your supervisor, you don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you don't want to make her feel weird. But it is weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you gotta go like, I guess we shouldn't wear short sleeves on the same day.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I like, I like. I like your pitch of like. All right, well, we. I probably shouldn't tell you every idea I have because then you'll do it like something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

A slight bit of mustard on a thought, I think could be helpful.

[Kara]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And go like, wow. I can't believe. Or you could go like, wow, that's amazing. You copied my tattoo.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what to say. Besides, that's a good place. You know, you could say that's a very original place for a tattoo.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why I did it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's weird, but I think. Yeah, I think you want to find that right tenor of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it can't be too mean.

[Jake Johnson]

Nope, she's a supervisor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, what are you thinking on this one? If I got a tattoo of a dog on my left arm?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'd love it. Buddy, I love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What would you really say?

[Jake Johnson]

I would love very similar, but I like you. You're. I know you. I'd like it. I'd like it because I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, too.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but I'd like it because for you, I'd be like, wow, that is so out of the realm of anything. I thought Jake would do. That's awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if I got a perm?

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. Oh, I love it. Do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe Kara, lean in and have Garrett's vibe and act like you love it, because who cares?

[Jake Johnson]

I think you do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you do that, and then deep down, it's really weird, but just celebrate it and be the noodle twins.

[Kate]

Oh, God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's not in your group of friends, right? You guys just work together.

[Kara]

No, she's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so I think if she was in your group, it would get a little bit much where you're like, fuck, I don't want to be a noodle twin.

[Jake Johnson]

I got another pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go for it.

[Jake Johnson]

Get a fake henna tattoo on the other elbow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, this is excellent.

[Jake Johnson]

Of a different piece of pasta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Do that, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make it. Make it huge.

[Jake Johnson]

Make it, like. Make it like lasagna on the neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On the neck. Cover your neck across the neck with a lasagna sheet.

[Jake Johnson]

Get a henna of a pasta somewhere else and show it to her and be like, guess I just stepped it up as I'm in the pasta lead. Or. Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or Hannah around it with, like, marinara sauce.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chunks of meat.

[Jake Johnson]

Or like, put a Chef Boyard Hannah around it, like, something like that and be like, hey, looks like you got to step it up to meet me where I'm at. Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or don't say anything. Just have a. Have a fake tattoo on the other arm.

[Jake Johnson]

This is the way to have fun with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. This is the way to the other arm. Now that the noodle tattoos are over. On the other arm, get another thing that's food based so that she could say, get an egg. Yeah, I might get that too. And go like, great. And then when she has it, come the next day with yours off and go like, oh, no, no. Mine was Hannah. I would never get an egg tattoo.

[Kara]

Never do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on. I really think you do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're entering a wild zone.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you do that.

[Kara]

We are. I mean, I've got a source of an artist, so I've got a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

To do, but I would just get another bit of food, like, react how you're going to react. Like oh, that's great. And then be like, I guess I'm going to have to step it up to be the, like, you know, food tattooed person in the office. And then in two weeks or in the new year, come in with a Hannah tattoo on that other elbow of an egg, of a sandwich of whatever, and don't say anything and just see what happens here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's my real pitch to you.

[Jake Johnson]

That's my real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, My real pitch is just say, I love it, girl, and move on.

[Kara]

I think. I think you're right. I mean, I think you might be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right because I think this could get really weird.

[Jake Johnson]

And I. I think getting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think getting a copycat tattoo with a co worker, I think that's a strange move.

[Jake Johnson]

It's weird. We're dealing with a weirdo. I think it's no doubt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's a strange move, and I don't think it's a move. You want to be like, I'm gonna poke the bear.

[Kara]

Yeah. Don't want to mess with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we go right on. You copied my noodle tattoo.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think it's gonna get weirder when you come in in the new year with a shrimp on the inside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of that other arm, by the way. Yeah. To get a fake shrimp on the other arm and not say anything is very funny. And if she copies.

[Jake Johnson]

Get a shrimp. Just get a shrimp. Just get a henna shrimp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See what happens.

[Kara]

I might get a henna shrimp. I mean, maybe I'll sit on it for a few weeks and see if it's still doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't sit on shrimp.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on. Disgusting. Tonight you'll get sick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They'll get it. May keep it fresh.

[Jake Johnson]

You get sick. Trust me, you don't want to sit on a shrimp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sit on a shrimp for a couple of weeks.

[Jake Johnson]

Trust me. I. Trust me. Do not do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Comedy could be fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Comedy could be fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I would say, Kara, you either get a fake shrimp. See what happens? Or what I would do is I would go, oh, my God, girl, I love it. You got a noodle like me. And then change the subject.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, listen, like you said, Kara, you have a couple weeks. So sit there, noodle it, and then come to your new decision and care. Just to be clear, when I said noodle it, you made a sound, and was that because I deflated you with my corny humor?

[Kara]

It just felt like you made the comment just to get the joke in there, but I appreciated it nonetheless, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, perfect. Well, now you know how Jake feels every single episode for sure.

[Kara]

Well, thank you guys so much. I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Let us know what happens. I will. Let us know what happens. I will.

[Kara]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode is brought to you by Simply Safe. Simply Safe is a home security that I am currently using. Garrett.

[Jake Johnson]

Same here, Jake. Also using it. Listen, I mean, it's really just. It's an update. It's a home security system with active guard outdoor protection. It's the only home security designed to prevent crimes before they happen. Listen, Simplisafe is very easy to set up. It's very easy to follow. And yeah, I mean, it is just a way to feel better about, you know, where you live and making sure that it is safe. The cameras use advanced AI to tell the difference between friendly faces, like families and neighbors and potential threats. So, yeah. While other systems only react after a break, it's Simply Safe combines live monitoring and proactive protection outside and inside your home. Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week only. You can get 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com here to help. That's Simply Safe.com here to help. There's no safe like Simply Safe. And we're brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is not only a product we endorse, it's a product we use. I use them for my personal website. So does the shark there. But also the amount of times we've used Squarespace to help solve one of the problems on this show. Honestly, countless, many times we throw a Squarespace website at our problem. And because it's so user friendly, just very easy. They do that with design intelligence. There's Squarespace payments connected, social and multimedia accounts. There's invoicing, you can sell your content. There's SEO tools. We love Squarespace and find it super helpful. Could not recommend it enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So head to squarespace.com Gil sent me to save 10 off of your first purchase of a website or domain using the code Gil sent me.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. Listen, no matter what you're going for, you're trying to do a smooth shave, you're trying to maintain a beard, or you have what I'm doing, which it looks like that Andy Samberg, Justin Timberlake character with their weird beards. That's what I'm doing. Leave me alone about it. I'm just doing neck and cheeks. Get over yourselves. Whatever it is, go with the always high Quality, but never overpriced. Dollar Shave Club. I. I have many Dollar Shave Club razors. I have the. The shave butter. I have the like do after shave. I use it all whenever I shave. It's very simple. I just get out the Dollar Shave Club products. But they also have things like The Club Series 6 Blade Razor, the Club series diamond grip handle, that's for the affluent supervillain. Like I said, the heavy metal handle. They just have so many options. They really have kind of changed the way that people shave. They have a double header electric trimmer, which sounds intimidating, but it's a great way to divide and conquer. We're talking balls and beard in that order. I go from down to up. Call me crazy. I like to party. They have a style detailer precision trimmer. Just listen. We're trying to eliminate as much hair as possible. This is what people want, so we're doing it. So join up with the Dollar Shave Club. And the products are now available everywhere. So you can order from their website or Amazon or you can just get them at your favorite retailer near you. This is what domination looks like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Zoe]

Hey, everyone, it's the shark. The original call from this next follow up aired on March 7th. It's called spraying Mess and it is the first call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

[Connor]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello there. Welcome back to the show. We know you're a follow up, but we have no clue about who you are. So what's your name and what was your first call, please?

[Connor]

My name is Connor. I called.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, boy. Say no more. Say no more. Say no more. C dog. All right, Connor. So just to update the audience, I'm sure they already know you always find yourself in weird airbnb situations. You're always living with elderly people. It's chaotic. There's been bathroom problems, there's been cooking problems, where there's been shared space issues. However, I do feel like the last time we spoke, you jumped on a call to help with someone else's problem. I don't remember what it was. It was so. So. But your update was that you were kind of in a regular living situation. Am I wrong? Yeah.

[Connor]

So way more of A regular situation brought the roommate's age down to being 34 now. So much closer than age gap.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so what's the update? Yeah, baby. Yeah, yeah.

[Connor]

No, that's the update I got. I guess more of a follow up is now I'm working as a substitute teacher at a school in Salem.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Connor]

And the kids are. I mean kids are scary is what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. Oh, Connor, I have an idea.

[Connor]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want you to start doing a thing when you're teaching called hot takes. And what you do is you initiate a hot take. A hot take could be. No food is better. Spicy. And then you've got to argue that hot take and you've got to have three points. And what you're going to do on the days you substitute is you're going to write Mr. H's hot takes on the board and then you're going to call on kids to get up and argue their hot takes. And whoever has the best hot take at the end of the class, the class is going to vote. You give them a piece of candy.

[Connor]

If I was a student I'd love that. Of course you wouldn't let me do that in my class.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a subbed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a sub house money, baby.

[Connor]

It is better. I've got kids that are like doing TikTok dances in the middle of class. So maybe if getting them to do hot takes, that could be something, a better use of their time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you could get them hot taken and you could start being known as Mr. H's Connor. Hot takes.

[Connor]

Everyone comes in, they're like, there's hot take guy. There he is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Hey, there's Mr.

[Jake Johnson]

Hot Takes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you go walking. You go, you go, we're doing this Mr. C. And then you go, everybody's gonna get up one by one and you're gonna give a hot take. So the first part of class, think about your hot takes. You can be in little groups, talk about your hot takes. You gotta prove your hot take. Then who's got the guts to go first? Then random. Each person who goes up selects the next person.

[Connor]

Popcorn style.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Popcorn style.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. Popcorn style.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it just, it's random. So you don't even get to. You just let's go. Everybody has a hot take. The end, you vote and Mr. C presents them with the hot take title.

[Connor]

I do like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You gonna do it?

[Connor]

Oh yeah, I'll give it a try. It is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you follow up with us how it goes? I got a feeling it's gonna go great.

[Connor]

I'm happy you have that feeling. I'll give it a try, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And tell us this other thing, Connor, before we let you go. How's home? How you doing?

[Connor]

It's going well. It's going well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's a Wednesday night between with you and this roommate who's cooking? What's happening?

[Connor]

It's usually. It's a shared meal. Whoever wins the pickleball that day usually doesn't have to.

[Jake Johnson]

Kid's life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys are doing pickle five days.

[Connor]

A week where whenever we get a chance, we got it. We, I don't know, we got into pickleball once, we moved in, and it's definitely gotten way more competitive since.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me ask you a question about it. I've been playing a lot of pickleball. How good are you?

[Connor]

Oh, excellent. That's without a doubt.

[Jake Johnson]

So in other words, Connor, the person who steps in the kitchen has to cook in the kitchen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, what kind of racket you using these days?

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Connor]

What kind of racket?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, because, Connor, it's a big difference.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you rocking? What are you rocking, Jake?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not. I'm not gonna say it because I'm not officially sponsored yet.

[Connor]

Oh, I got like a Joola racket. I'm looking at that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so you're talking about like a 14 one on Amazon.

[Connor]

I'm talk talking about a dollar one.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, these can go up to about 300.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God, the game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The game's evolving. Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

That's crazy.

[Connor]

You gotta get the ones that got good.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a great game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you played?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I love it. It's awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, you and I would get really into it, wouldn't we?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, yes, we would. Yes, we would.

[Zoe]

I just want to say one of my favorite kind of behind the scenes things about Connor that no one knows about is when I like kind of co book him with other calls. I will explain to the original caller, hey, is it okay we have this guy who's kind of has these weird situations with his roommates? I think it'd be really fun to have both of you on together. And every single time, the original, that caller will email back and go, yeah, I know who Connor is.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Connor, I know Connor.

[Zoe]

It's the most obvious thing to them. I love it so much.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Connor, we love your updates. Keep on rocking. And I would give hot takes a shot. Because even though everyone knows you, Connor, it becomes very apparent you don't listen to this show and for some reason we just love you for it. I don't know what else to say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, we appreciate you, buddy.

[Zoe]

You roll.

[Connor]

All right, guys, thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is hosted by.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.

[Zoe]

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKeel.

[Jake Johnson]

Our social media director is Caitlin Tanua Keo and our video editor is John de Bruyne.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his [e-mail] that's Oliver R A L L.

[Jake Johnson]

I.com the album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James Fosdike D I I K e and if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com Additional artwork by Patty Holland.

[Zoe]

You can find him on Instagram at P A D D Y Holland 2004 and if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our [e-mail] hereto helppod.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question@ HelpfulPod.

[Jake Johnson]

Gmail.Com all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Hey. Hey.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm Lamorne Morris. And I'm Kyle Chevron. And we are here interrupting your workout to tell you about the lemorning after podcast now on Headgum. That's right. Every Wednesday, a new episode drops, and we wait. Lamorn, what are you doing over there?

[Jake Johnson]

It's nothing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Just polishing Miami. Why? Well, because we're now the only official Headgum podcast hosted by an Emmy. Is that true? You're probably not, but Jake Johnson's own Headgum, does he have an Emmy? No, but. But he has been a guest on the Morning after, which might be an even bigger honor. I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Raven Simone, the cast of New Girl, and many, many more. Plus, we play games. We tell stories. We poll the fans for questions. We poll them for questions. Just pulling them constantly up and down, sideways, backwards. It's a lot less weird than it sounds. You'll see. Subscribe to the Morning after on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.