144: My Strange Q-Tip Addiction & The I Hate Brittany Club

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help - Episode 144: My Strange Q-Tip Addiction & The I Hate Brittany Club

Introduction In Episode 144 of "We're Here to Help," hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds of Headgum, the duo tackles two unique and quirky listener dilemmas. From navigating awkward family dynamics to addressing unusual personal habits, Jake and Gareth employ their trademark humor and creativity to offer advice. Although the episode begins with promotional segments, the core content delves into real-life problems submitted by listeners, making it both entertaining and relatable.

Caller 1: Brittany’s Quest to Join the “I Hate Brittany Club” Timestamp: [08:03]

Background: Brittany, a 30-year-old from Austin, Texas, reaches out for help navigating her best friend Shimmy’s family dynamics. Shimmy recently moved back to Austin from Hawaii, where her family maintains an ongoing joke that they "hate" Brittany, labeling her a traitor for choosing Shimmy over staying with family in Hawaii.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Understanding the Family Joke:

   • Brittany ([08:22]): Explains that Shimmy’s family teases her by saying they hate her, especially after Shimmy moved to Austin. She seeks ways to either prank them or gift them something that demonstrates her acceptance and desire to be part of the family dynamic.

2. Creative Solutions Offered:

   • Jake Johnson ([12:08]): Suggests embodying the "ultimate heel" by outshining the family with generosity, such as providing gifts that Shimmy’s family can't compete with.
   • Rob ([12:26]): Proposes celebrating a new holiday called “Shimmas,” where Brittany can honor Shimmy in ways that overshadow the family's teasing, including themed piñatas and Texas barbecue.
   • Jake’s Shirt Idea ([15:04]): Develops a creative solution where Brittany creates a custom shirt listing "Jimmy’s favorite people," positioning herself at the top, followed by family members with playful annotations. The back of the shirt features an over-the-top heartfelt message from Shimmy, reinforcing her place in the family.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson ([12:08]): "I don't think you can be part of it and be like, I hate that bitch too. That's like, you are that bitch."
• Rob ([13:29]): "Let's have a piñata that looks like Hawaii or something like that."
• Jake Johnson ([15:04]): "This shirt was made by Shimmy and gifted to me… it sweeps."

Outcome: Brittany implemented the custom shirt strategy during a niece’s surprise birthday party. Wearing the shirt under a sweater until the reveal, she successfully broke the ice as her family embraced the playful gesture. The family’s reception transitioned from teasing to warm acceptance, with members humorously engaging and recognizing Brittany’s effort. This marked a significant improvement in her relationship with Shimmy’s family, turning a tense situation into a joyful interaction.

Caller 2: Eva’s Concern Over Boyfriend’s Q-Tip Addiction Timestamp: [30:02]

Background: Eva, from upstate New York, shares her struggle with her boyfriend’s compulsive use of Q-tips (cotton swabs). Despite her attempts to address the issue through nagging and shaming, his behavior persists, leaving used Q-tips scattered around their home. Eva is primarily concerned about the potential health risks, such as ear damage, and seeks effective strategies to curb his habit.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Identifying the Core Issue:

   • Eva ([30:02]): Clarifies that her boyfriend’s excessive Q-tipping is not just messy but poses health risks. She emphasizes her concerns over the potential damage to his ears.

2. Creative Solutions Offered:

   • Jake Johnson ([34:34]): Suggests manipulating Q-tips by removing the cotton or adding fake blood to create a shock factor, prompting Eva’s boyfriend to reconsider his habit.
   • Rob ([38:53]): Recommends documenting his Q-tip usage by saving and presenting them back to him to reveal the extent of his addiction.
   • Combined Approach ([38:27]): The hosts discuss a multi-faceted strategy involving setting up a “crime scene” with fake blood, tracking Q-tip usage on a corkboard, and potentially shaming him publicly or privately to raise awareness about his behavior.

Notable Quotes:

• Rob ([40:20]): "Put a little fake blood on some of the Q tip ends… Try to freak him out."
• Jake Johnson ([43:27]): "Put a little fake blood on some of the Q tip ends so he thinks he actually might be damaging his ear."
• Eva ([44:35]): "I didn't think of any of these. So thank you."

Outcome: Eva expressed enthusiasm for the proposed solutions, particularly favoring the fake blood tactic and the tracking system to highlight the frequency of his Q-tipping. She plans to implement a combined approach by first tracking his usage and then introducing the fake blood scenario to create a sense of urgency and awareness. The hosts commended Eva on her proactive stance and encouraged her to document the process for accountability.

Follow-Up Segment: Brittany’s Success Story Timestamp: [52:16]

Details: Brittany returned to share the positive impact of implementing the custom shirt solution. During Shimmy’s niece's birthday party, her family members reacted humorously and warmly to the shirt, effectively dissolving the initial tension. Shimmy’s brother-in-law even playfully introduced himself with teasing remarks, indicating the family’s acceptance of Brittany.

Key Takeaways:

• Effective Communication: Creative gestures can bridge gaps in strained relationships, turning ridicule into acceptance.
• Humor as a Tool: Using humor and personalized gifts fosters a positive shift in family dynamics.
• Persistence Pays Off: Continual efforts and innovative solutions can overcome longstanding barriers.

Notable Quotes:

• Brittany ([55:05]): "I love the advice on the shirt, and I'll now cherish that shirt forever."
• Jake Johnson ([58:57]): "It's a good way to start the year with a nice, big victory."

Conclusion Episode 144 of "We’re Here to Help" showcases Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds’ ability to navigate unconventional problems with humor and inventive solutions. From transforming awkward family interactions to addressing peculiar personal habits, the hosts demonstrate their dedication to assisting listeners in humorous yet meaningful ways. Brittany’s triumphant follow-up highlights the effectiveness of personalized strategies, while Eva’s case underscores the importance of creative problem-solving in personal relationships.

Highlights:

• Brittany’s Story: Leveraging personalized gifts to integrate into Shimmy’s family, turning teasing into camaraderie.
• Eva’s Challenge: Addressing compulsive behaviors with shock tactics and accountability measures to promote healthier habits.
• Creative Advice: Emphasis on humor, personalization, and multi-step approaches to resolve complex issues.

For those seeking a blend of laughter and practical advice, Episode 144 offers a compelling listen, illustrating that even the strangest problems can find solutions with a bit of creativity and camaraderie.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Rob]

And episode two, season two, visit season. I mean, it really was just a small break in the grand scheme.

[Jake Johnson]

I like breaking it up into the idea of seasons so well, that way.

[Rob]

We can pursue the love interests on the show. Yes, you and I. There's a will they won't they? Which I think you're the audience is really going to enjoy.

[Jake Johnson]

What is the will they, Won't they, between you and me?

[Rob]

I mean, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Will they do the same bits or won't they?

[Rob]

Yes, you know. You know, one of us will.

[Jake Johnson]

Both of us, you know we will.

[Rob]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Will they do. Will the audience feel like, I think this is the same one as episode 60. And you and I will go. I think we're treading a new one.

[Rob]

It might be. We don't know. We. What was funny? When we were going through all the talk about coming back, we were very much. We were sharking it up between us. We were shark tanking, calling each other Robert and Babs, Bobby and Babs. There was a lot of that going on. And I will say, I think we did probably hold to those characters for the most part as we were talking through that. But yeah, I mean, here we are, 20, 25. The show's cooking. Things are good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you do New Year's resolutions?

[Rob]

I feel like you don't.

[Jake Johnson]

I do. I'm not a. I'm not insanely into them, but I am a list person. What is that kind.

[Rob]

You do a new year list?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but it's not on. I'm always making lists of things I want to do in a year.

[Rob]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's why one of the reasons I'm always into like, new stuff.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I like getting into new stuff. I like going really hard on it and seeing as far as I can go with it. And then I will create a new list and get into new stuff.

[Rob]

Does Are any. Does that. Will there be any additions to the yard? Because I know people have taken interest in your. Your setting up a sort of beet juice yard.

[Jake Johnson]

Always. My great friend Brian Farrell just gave as a Christmas gift. Great. Got me one of the. A great gift. And it was this drawing of a rhino. And I'm putting it right under the rhino's head in the little office. And you know, my buddy Dave and I, you're gonna have.

[Rob]

Your office is gonna look like you're a poacher.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. I gotta tell you, it's just the decade of animals.

[Rob]

What does that even to you, that makes sense. And then to those of us hearing it, well, here's what's a big. What?

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what's different. Garf, you're teasing me. But your skin is the skin of animals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that even mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Show me your arms.

[Rob]

What does that even. Oh, what? Because I have tattoos of animals now. Now you're Busted. Now you're busting chops.

[Jake Johnson]

I might have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What you're doing.

[Jake Johnson]

You're on my wall. I might have in my pocket. But here's the difference. I can throw it out.

[Rob]

Here's. Here's.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you gonna cut your arm off?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen.

[Rob]

I'm not even listening to you right now. But here's what I'm gonna say. I make you this promise. I make this. I make you this promise. If I pass away, God forbid. Yeah, I had a great fight.

[Jake Johnson]

I get your arms.

[Rob]

No, you get my head. I want you to put my head.

[Jake Johnson]

Give me your left.

[Rob]

Huge gift. What are you gonna. My arm coming out of a wall. Like I just fell through it.

[Jake Johnson]

Speaking of. I just saw something I don. Where they were embalming bodies of loved ones and putting them under glass in people's homes.

[Rob]

This is good.

[Jake Johnson]

I offer this coffee table.

[Rob]

I offer this to you. A coffin table. I offer this to you, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Wouldn't that be a hell of a bet?

[Rob]

This is our.

[Jake Johnson]

This could be. This might be the seeds of a lifelong.

[Rob]

Let's let it. Let's let it have a minute to marinate.

[Jake Johnson]

It's got to action.

[Rob]

And let's come back with coffin table pitches for each.

[Jake Johnson]

Because if it could be. Because what a responsibility. You got to deal with the whole. Like, it's a. The worst thing you could do to somebody and go, this person gets my money. This person gets my house.

[Rob]

I want to be in here. We have a picture of it up right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. That is it.

[Rob]

That is crazy. It's a.

[Jake Johnson]

So wait, by the way, really quickly, Rob, will you introduce yourself a little bit?

[Rob]

Yeah. Hello, I'm Rob. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's about it.

[Rob]

I'll be helping you guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Rob and I, we met a couple years ago doing Dax's podcast.

[Rob]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And then have just kind of kept in touch throughout. You are an animal. You've done a ton of podcasts.

[Rob]

You're such an animal. You should be in Jake's office or.

[Jake Johnson]

Tattooed on your arm. Yeah, exactly. Right. The problem is, is you had me until I realized your arms are all animals.

[Rob]

Those are personalized. You're living the poacher life. I have animals that have touched my personal existence.

[Jake Johnson]

You go to the zoo, you're gonna get. I know. Crying on your lower back to think. So girls think you're cute.

[Rob]

Not above that at all.

[Jake Johnson]

Love to Sparky. 2025. Sparky, how are we doing on our calls, buddy? How we look?

[Rob]

We got our first caller.

[Brittany]

If you guys Are ready.

[Rob]

Well, Rob, we're excited to have you. We're excited to have the call. I'm excited. Embalmed in Jake's little weird office and he can eat pancakes off of me. And we're excited. So we're going to do a session without further ado. Okay. Hello there.

[Brittany]

Hi. How's it going?

[Rob]

Good, how are you? Welcome to the show. Can we get your name, your rough age, and where you're calling from, please?

[Brittany]

Rough age. My name is Brittany, I'm 30 and I'm from Austin, Texas.

[Rob]

Oh, beautiful. You like Austin, Jake?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I do.

[Rob]

It's a great town, really fun. And Brittany, Jake's been asking this and it seems to be, you know, a little hit or miss, but what's your favorite animal? Jungle or domestic?

[Brittany]

Ooh, favorite animal or like one that I'd want to see in the jungle.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a dealer's choice. Brittany.

[Rob]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Just tell us your reasoning. Why?

[Rob]

Just tell us your follow up is interesting in general.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Rob]

Even just the question, is it attacking me or.

[Jake Johnson]

Or am I attacking it?

[Rob]

We got everything we need to eat her pet.

[Brittany]

Well, if I'm off limit from getting hurt, like, they can't attack me. I'd want to see one of those 30 foot, like giant anacondas.

[Rob]

Okay.

[Brittany]

You know, very interesting. It's like nightmare fuel. And I don't know if I believe that they're actually real. So, like, if I knew they're real, that's cool. I'd want to see that in real life.

[Rob]

All right, great. Hell of an answer. Opens up a Pandora's box of painting who you're. We should do Rorschachs on you. All right, Brittany. Well, what. What are you calling for? What's going on?

[Brittany]

Okay, so a bit of backstory. My best friend Shimmy just moved back.

[Rob]

Did you say Shimmy?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, this. Are you shy? Are you shy?

[Rob]

You said Shimmy?

[Brittany]

Shimmy. Her real name. Her full name is Shamira, but she goes by Shimmy. And she also listens to the show, but I'm not telling her I'm calling.

[Rob]

Okay.

[Brittany]

But yeah, so she just moved back to Austin from Hawaii where she was living with her family. And we were recently in the car and she got a phone call. She starts dying laughing on the phone. So obviously as a nosy best friend, when she gets off, I'm like, what are you laughing about? And she lets me know that there's this ongoing joke in her family that they all hate my guts and call her a traitor for moving to Austin and choosing me instead of staying with them in Hawaii.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me interrupt, let me interrupt for a second. Do they hate you only because she's moving or had they hated you previously?

[Brittany]

No, they, it's like a joke.

[Jake Johnson]

They hate you, they joke, but you.

[Rob]

Find out halfway through a bit that you're like, you've been elevated to this villain status.

[Brittany]

Exactly, yes. And so she recently had to go back to Hawaii for a little bit to tie up some loose ends with her job. And she told me that all of the teasing continues. And so like an example of this would be she's laying on the couch about to fall asleep and her brother in law will come and cover her with the blanket and whisper in her ear and be like, now would Brittany do that? And so it's just like a funny bit that they're all doing and they don't know that I know about it. And so I'm looking for a way when I see them next to either prank them or get them a gift and like let them know that I'm cool and that I want to join the I hate Britney club because I'm not like a sensitive girl. I just want to be a part of it, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I think the only way to be a part of it is to be the ultimate heel.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think you can be part of it and be like, I hate that bitch too. That's like, you are that bitch.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you've got to come in and be giving Shimmy more stuff. And everything you do, it's, can your family provide you with this? I don't think so. And then whenever anything's good, you're a WWE heel. That's just letting them know they can't compete with you.

[Brittany]

So in front of them, I would.

[Jake Johnson]

Kind of like show off over the top. What I would actually do is take a couple photos with you and shimmy and say to Shimmy, hey, can I get like the family group text or however everybody does something and go, I just want to say like a funny thing, a nice thing to everybody. And she'll go, sure, about like Austin. And then have a photo of being like, when friends become family and it's you guys together, who needs. Or you go. What's more important is not the family you come from, but the family you choose.

[Rob]

I, I like it. I think Jake's right. I think you have to lean into the heel part of it. I think you, you know, because first of all, it's good that you have a good sense of humor about this because I Thought you were going to start and be like, it hurts my feelings. And so the fact that you like this. So this, this is what I would pitch. Why don't you document and celebrate a new annual holiday called Shimmas, where you celebrate Shimmy on a level that her family, not her birthday, but this is a celebration of Shimmy that her family can never compete with. And let's get a pinata that looks like Hawaii or something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody looks like every member of the family.

[Rob]

If possible, let's. Let's have a fire where we burn lays. And let's have a cake where we celebrate Shimmy on the cake.

[Jake Johnson]

And all food is Texas themed.

[Rob]

All food is Texas themed. Yes. It's Texas barbecue. The only barbecue.

[Jake Johnson]

You're drinking Lone Star beer.

[Rob]

Yeah. You have a shim.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Rob]

Which is like a luau, but just way better. And why don't you get a picture of you and Shimmy that's framed and at the bottom it says, all we need is each other. And then in real bold lettering, it just says all after that. And then film that and you can send it to the family to sort of show them that you are, once a year, inventing the Shimmy holiday. That makes, you know, it sweeps.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I. I got to say, I think we're both on the same page. It's. There's ways to be. They. I think you got to be the heel. I like the. The Shimmy holiday. I like the celebration of her. The push in it. And I like going to the family. What. What's your. Brittany, where are you kind of at? Because our pitches are kind of similar and we're in one zone.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But let's hear where you're at.

[Rob]

Lean in and go big.

[Brittany]

Okay. I definitely like that because I enjoy, like, pranking. And like you guys said, I'm not a sensitive type at all. I'm just worried that I'm gonna see them in person before I get to do this with Jimmy.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob]

Because you're going to see. Okay. All right, I got a pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

But what do you mean potentially then?

[Brittany]

Because originally they were supposed to be coming here for Christmas and I just found out yesterday that I may not. They may not be. So now I might have to see them in February for Shimmy's birthday and I might be going to Hawaii. So I'm thinking like some type of prank or gift, and it's not a for sure thing, so I just kind of need some options.

[Rob]

Okay, well, you've got Shimmas.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rob]

Or something like that.

[Brittany]

I love that. Love that.

[Rob]

Here's here. How do you think Shimmy is down to play a role in this prank? If you pull it off?

[Brittany]

Yes.

[Rob]

Okay, so this is what, this is another pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob]

Let's set up a theatrical friend breakup. Let's withhold the information that you know about this. This text thing. Or if you do, you're not bothered by it too much.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob]

Then when you're in person, set it up so that Shimmy reveals something about this and you pretend to freak out over it and storm out and make it seem like your feelings are overly hurt. And you just. You hold the. You know, just something where you're just like. I mean, the very idea that you guys would even do that, that is affecting our friendship to the point I don't even want to do this. Storm out. Right. Make them feel bad for 20 minutes and then you come back in with some pineapple or something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Or you could also. You could just do something really easy, too. You could just get a shirt made that says Shimmy's top five. You're at the top, and then different families are done and you just show up wearing it. So you're playing it really cool. You just, like, have a sweatshirt on. At one point, you take it on and you go like. Somebody goes like. You know, you don't make a big stink of it. So that one of the family members goes like, did you see Britney's shirt? And it's Shimmy's favorite people. You're at number one. Number two is some other person in Texas. Threes, like her mom, four, hers or brother. And it just goes all the way down. And then at the end you go, this shirt was made by Shimmy and gifted to me.

[Brittany]

I love that.

[Jake Johnson]

Right? It's petty. It's not hard to do. It's just a little gag. And so they just look at you and go. And then on the back it says, like, Austin is better than Texas is better than Hawaii. Quote. And you go. Or you go. Or you just do a shirt with quotes and they're all Shimmy.

[Rob]

Or you could. Can I pitch the back of the shirts? The back of the shirt, it says Britney plus Shimmy. And then at the bottom, it's your combined couple name, which is Shitney.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Brittany]

Or funny, because we've actually said that before.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Or I would go. On the back of the shirt, I would do something of a quote that feels over the top, but you say it was her, where she literally goes on the back and says, Brittany. Like, quote, Brittany I love you so much. I'm glad I decided to move to Austin and leave my family to be with you, because you're more family. You've taught me more about family and our friends than anyone has in my whole life. In my real family, you know the saying, blood is thicker than water? Well, in our case, it's not. I love you more than I love my family. You're my number one period. Every day, Shimmy. Every day.

[Rob]

Most days, comma.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not even making a joke. This is every day.

[Rob]

This is for real.

[Jake Johnson]

And you can get those on Amazon. I. Every year, I'll make my brother a different shirt that I'll have, like, direct quotes that go on way too long. So you could just have, like, a long quote shirt of, like, you know. So I. I think something like that. So the family has to take a second and go, she is ridiculous. And it's just. And you just go. And if they go, what is that shirt? You go, oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed I wore it. It's just something Shimmy says to me every day.

[Rob]

Jimmy likes me to wear this. Most days I forgot who I was.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you could even have in the shirt, it goes, if anybody in my family sees this, I'll have to deny it, but, girl, we both know it's true. And then go like, I swear to God. I swear on my life, but I will deny it forever.

[Rob]

And then maybe bring a couple different sizes for.

[Jake Johnson]

If they want and gift it. Gift it to the.

[Brittany]

Go get them some patriarch or the.

[Jake Johnson]

Patriarch of the group, the oldest member of the group. You go like, hey, Papa, this is for you. Shimmy wanted you to have it.

[Rob]

Shimmy wanted you to have it.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think?

[Brittany]

Okay, I think that's. I think that that's honestly perfect.

[Eva]

I was leaning towards some type of.

[Brittany]

Gift idea, and I think that's so over the top, and I just want to, like, have a nice banter with them. So I think that that is.

[Jake Johnson]

And so walk us through, kind of improvise what the sh. Is going to say. You'll do second drafts of this, but I don't want us to pitch you. I want you to pitch us.

[Rob]

Well, you'll probably see the price and be like, I got to shave some letters out of this.

[Jake Johnson]

I got to tell you, they're not bad.

[Rob]

Okay, there you go.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you can get on.

[Brittany]

Where do you get it from?

[Jake Johnson]

Go to Amazon custom shirt. And then there's like, 50 different companies that do it. You're not going to have an exact.

[Rob]

Look you want, but this is a gag.

[Jake Johnson]

It's just fine, right? Yeah. So, okay, improvise a little bit of what the font, what it's going to say on that shirt.

[Brittany]

Okay. Okay. So the back, obviously, what's.

[Jake Johnson]

Or the front. It could also just be the front.

[Rob]

Yeah, the back is a great reveal, though.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Rob]

To take a jacket off and show the front. Be like, oh, I forgot I was wearing this. And then go up for a second. Oh, the back. I forgot the back. Oh, the back was worse for you guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. All right.

[Brittany]

I like the idea of the list. I like the idea of the list on the front. So, okay, Jimmy's favorite people. And then it'll be me, number one. And then her mom lives in Texas also, so I'll put her as number two.

[Rob]

Maybe parentheses, because she lives in Texas.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that would hurt.

[Brittany]

Yeah. And then honestly, like, what if I skip number three? Extra cutting.

[Rob]

Does she have a dog?

[Brittany]

No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

No. You're on fire. Keep going. Keep your instincts. Okay, so one is you, two is mom. Three is blank. What's four?

[Brittany]

Yeah, and then four is maybe like one of her nieces. And then maybe I'll just like keep going. And make sure to put her brother and. Or her brother in law and her sister can be like tied.

[Jake Johnson]

Or can five just be a tie of everybody else?

[Brittany]

Yeah, I think.

[Rob]

Or five could be you again.

[Brittany]

Yeah. I just keep putting myself and then.

[Jake Johnson]

Six in smaller font. Yeah, every. Everybody. My old family from Hawaii.

[Rob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Brittany]

They're barely made it in parentheses or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, exactly. Right. Okay. I think that's a fun start. And then what's on the back?

[Brittany]

Okay. In the back, maybe like my dearest best friend, Brittany. It's hard to put into words how much I love you and love you more than my family.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Brittany]

I am choosing to move. I'm choosing to move to Texas because there really is no other option. Living with my family has been fun, but it just doesn't give me the same fulfillment out of life as when I live with you. They say blood is thicker than water, but in this case it sure as hell is not.

[Rob]

Yeah. In this case, blood is water, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

This is great.

[Rob]

Great.

[Brittany]

Yeah. And then just at the bottom, like you guys said, like, obviously I would deny this if my family, because they're so sensitive.

[Jake Johnson]

They're such babies.

[Rob]

Don't tell my family about this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brittany]

Brittany, don't tell my family.

[Jake Johnson]

I think this is perfect. Will you take a photo of the shirt, both sides, for us.

[Rob]

And absolutely.

[Brittany]

You know what?

[Rob]

If we can, since Shimmy's gonna know, this is gonna happen, it wouldn't be terrible for someone to secretly film the reveal of the show.

[Jake Johnson]

I totally agree.

[Rob]

I mean, if we can get it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. If you can find a way to do that without getting people knowing they're on camera. More fun.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then last, before we go, you said if you knew you were safe, you would want to see a 30 foot snake. How about no barriers, no safety? What animal do you want to see?

[Brittany]

Maybe like a toucan.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for the coffee.

[Rob]

Amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Rob]

Say toucan like it's just on the top of your head.

[Jake Johnson]

So fast.

[Rob]

I mean toucan. I mean, honestly, a toucan. All right, Britney, go get him. Keep us posted.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, let us know.

[Rob]

All right, thank you.

[Brittany]

Okay, we'll do. Thanks, guys.

[Rob]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks.

[Rob]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you By Mint Mobile 2025 is here and Mint Mobile has a resolution for you. Skip the gym. Skip the fad diets. Skip the bs. Resolutions you'll forget about by next month. Instead, make a resolution to save some serious cash by making the switch to Mint Mobile. And right now you can get half off their three month unlimited plan. Gareth and I were sent Mint Mobile and I will say it has been shockingly easy to use.

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by quip. They sent us a quip360 and I've been using it every day and I absolutely love it. It's made brushing my teeth so much easier. And in order to get to the back molars, which I can't get to, I'm now able to and I'm excited to brag to my dentist and I'm not fearing the dentist appointment as much because it's always nice to feel like a winner.

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[Jake Johnson]

Squarespace, as you know of listeners to our show, is a place where you can build websites. And it's something we have used a lot for callers. Squarespace has been a great sponsor to us. Gareth Reynolds's website is Squarespace. It is easy to use and it is easy to build, and we highly recommend it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Brittany]

Hello. Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Welcome to the show.

[Brittany]

Hi.

[Eva]

Thank you so much.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you so much. Can we get your name, please?

[Brittany]

Sure.

[Eva]

My name's Eva.

[Jake Johnson]

Eva. Is that E V, A?

[Brittany]

That is okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And Eva, where are you calling from?

[Eva]

I'm calling from upstate New York, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Where do you go upstate?

[Rob]

It varies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Rob]

You know.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you're right. After. You're being cool.

[Rob]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

You know where Troy, New York is, Eva?

[Eva]

I do, actually, I'm pretty close to Troy.

[Jake Johnson]

My mother used to live there. Spent a lot of time up there. Right on. We have something in common. So, Eva, Upstate, what do you do for.

[Rob]

I'd move to Troy with your mom. Go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Honestly, make love with your mother.

[Rob]

Okay. Go ahead, Eva, I'm trying to start cooking here. Someone went nuclear. I just shot a rubber band at you and you dropped a son.

[Jake Johnson]

I went honest.

[Rob]

All right, let's just.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm in love with your mother.

[Rob]

It's really intense and I want you.

[Jake Johnson]

To be my step.

[Rob]

It's intense. Too much.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. You're not ready. You're just a punky teenager and you're mad.

[Rob]

You know. You know I'm not gonna fight that.

[Jake Johnson]

First rule, no more tattoos. Eva, upstate, what do you do for work?

[Rob]

Work.

[Eva]

I work for a non profit organization that works with families and just helps.

[Jake Johnson]

I like it. If you were. Eva, what's your favorite animal? All time.

[Eva]

I mean, it's hard to not say dog.

[Rob]

Interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Mine's duck, so it's hard to not say dog. How come?

[Eva]

Well, I just love them.

[Brittany]

They're.

[Eva]

They're hard to beat. And they love you. They're always happy to see you. You got, you got you active.

[Jake Johnson]

You got a dog?

[Eva]

I do have a dog.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you call that thing?

[Eva]

I call her Josie, but I also call her Bogey Bodhi.

[Jake Johnson]

Cute.

[Eva]

And the chocolate frog.

[Jake Johnson]

Chocolate frog. Okay. What kind of dog is Josie?

[Eva]

She is a pit bull mix. She's a Pitbull Rottweiler, German shepherd.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so even we got a picture of you a little bit. We. We know your dog. What can we do for you today?

[Eva]

Okay, so my problem is pretty straightforward, but it's been causing me a lot of issues and it is that my boyfriend is addicted to Q tipping.

[Rob]

Ugh.

[Eva]

What is that my question?

[Jake Johnson]

Cleaning your ears out with a kid?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought this was going to be another butter face, Gareth. No, I thought Q tipping was a whole thing and I was going to feel like a 75 year old.

[Rob]

He likes to sit on cotton. Called Q tip.

[Eva]

No, more straightforward.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Eva]

My problem is that no. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, he doesn't. He doesn't chill with it. He's very much waiting for his next Q tip in.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob]

What? Okay, now when you say at what clip are we moving? Are we every day?

[Eva]

Oh my God, yeah.

[Rob]

Like multiple times a day. Four times a day.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so where does he Q tip?

[Eva]

Well, anywhere. And this is actually part of the problem is that like yesterday or two days ago when I emailed, I found two used Q tips on the coffee table.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, disgusting.

[Eva]

But he'll just be disgusting. He can't be Q tipping anywhere, but.

[Rob]

He can't be getting anything out I mean, this is some sort of TLC show.

[Eva]

He's not.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So he's just kind of likes the way this sensation feels.

[Rob]

It's like it is a strange obsession.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eva]

He says when I ask him, like, why do you Q tip so much? He says it's because he has wet ears. Like. Yeah. He says he has inventing stuff he has to draw.

[Rob]

How long you been with this guy?

[Jake Johnson]

We're not going direction.

[Rob]

How long you been with this guy?

[Eva]

Eight years in January.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Oh, all right. So the problem is you've been with a man for 8 years, he q tips all the time. 4 times or more throughout the house and leaves the Q tips on tables.

[Brittany]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

So what is not always. But okay, but sometimes. So what is the specific question we could try to help you with today?

[Eva]

Okay, I guess the specific question is just like, do you guys have any creative ideas or just something that may not be immediately obvious to someone in the problem to get him to either just decrease or, you know, I guess decrease because like I, you know, I'm not against an every once in a while Q tip, but it's not good for you. He could burst his eardrums.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Eva]

It's also just crazy.

[Brittany]

So.

[Eva]

Yeah, it's a good way of phrasing.

[Rob]

A question you're not supposed to. I've kind of come up to this in my own life. Cause I do like to clean my. But you're not supposed to use Q tips.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, like.

[Rob]

Like there. It's like impacts the issue more. But he's. He's got a weird thing where he thinks his ears are wet.

[Jake Johnson]

But we got.

[Rob]

Isn't a thing.

[Jake Johnson]

But we need to simplify.

[Eva]

Have you ever felt that, like get out of the shower and like, you're like, sure, I feel like my ears.

[Brittany]

Are a little wet.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, because you just got out of the show.

[Rob]

But I feel that with my hair, my arm.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the reason you feel that way is because your ears are wet.

[Rob]

Yes. Because your ears have been underwater. It's not like he has a medical condition where he's got wet ears and he needs to. Even if you have a wet. Here, it's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

You know that weird thing when you get out of a pool and you feel like your body's wet?

[Rob]

I hate that I have that allergic reaction to water too.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm going to try to get clean on this one. Gareth.

[Rob]

So is he.

[Jake Johnson]

The whole idea of this one is just because we're not going to go down the medical path with him. Right. That's not really what the call's about. Eva, is it. Is it just you are getting grossed out or are you worried about him impacting his eardrums?

[Eva]

I. I think, yeah, I think it's less being grossed out and more just that I'm, like, concerned for the health of his ears.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, it is more about that.

[Eva]

And I mean, it's. It is. Well, it. Okay, I see what you're saying. No, it's. It's both, I guess, is the leaving it around. And it's expensive.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. So, you know, so hope. But it's not.

[Rob]

It's not. I mean, they sell Q tips by the 3,000.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Eva, I want you to take. I want you to take a deep breath here, because I'm going to ask you a real question. And the only way we can pitch.

[Eva]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Because we could pitch and just be ridiculous and goofy, but I really do like, when there's a problem, we really try to solve it. So.

[Rob]

Okay.

[Brittany]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

What is it that you actually don't like about this enough to call in a podcast? Because Q tips, you know, is he going to impact his ears? Maybe a little. But who gives a if it's a health thing? What? None of us are doctors. You know, in five years, they're going to find out that we all should be doing it or whatever, and it's going to change. They're not expensive. It costs about 8 bucks. For 50,000 of those little kids, this is endless.

[Rob]

You cannot play. You cannot tell us you don't have the budget for. I mean, literally.

[Jake Johnson]

And. And don't make it. Then it's bad for the environment, too. It's like, what is. Is the main reason that you're just getting grow. And now I'm not. I'm saying what I think, but I could be wrong. So I want your main reason, not mine. But what my guess is you just don't like that your partner is always sticking Q tips in his ear throughout the days, and it's kind of grossing you out.

[Eva]

Yeah, I think you got down to the bottom of it. And so I would like to think that it's because I'm concerned for the health of his ears, but I think. I think it is just a little nasty at the end of the day.

[Jake Johnson]

And if he did it, let's say, just in the bathroom and you didn't know about it and he threw them out, maybe you wouldn't think about it that much. There's Q tips on your dining room table.

[Rob]

Yeah, he's too comfy, too. You should not Be seeing it.

[Jake Johnson]

What we need to do. And look, this isn't always a nice show. This is a bar show. Come into a bar and you've pitched your friends and we need a solution.

[Rob]

We've had a couple pops and we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don'T like them already.

[Jake Johnson]

100%. Right. So maybe. Well, Gareth, for sure. When you were going early on how long you've been dating, I know you were thinking, get rid of old wet ears.

[Rob]

Listen, you, there's a lot of guys with dry ears out there that are.

[Jake Johnson]

Single who will not worry about how disgusting their body.

[Rob]

There's a lot of guys out there. They have the opposite problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, agreed. But I think there's a game we could play here, even where there's just a touch of shame.

[Rob]

Have you tried that? Have you tried shaming him? My guess is over eight years.

[Jake Johnson]

Question, what have you done to this try? That's a good question.

[Eva]

So shame is always, you know, a part of the game, and it hasn't really worked. He's a. He's quite the contrarian. So, like, you tell him not to do something and it makes him want to do it more, for the most part. So that, like, I feel like every time I try to shame him, it backfires. Which is why this has been, like, come to the point where I emailed in, because, like, the straightforward solutions that.

[Jake Johnson]

I've attempted, what have they been? Let's hear everything you've tried to do. And how have you shamed him? I've.

[Eva]

Well, I guess more nagging. Yeah, with shame, I guess. You know, nagging. Telling him the facts of, like, you.

[Brittany]

Know, that's bad for you.

[Eva]

You're not supposed to do it. I've not bought Q tips, but he's a grown man, so he can just go buy understood for himself, you know.

[Jake Johnson]

But you've tried moves. Okay, what's the most extreme measure you've done?

[Eva]

God, I don't know. Probably just being annoying.

[Brittany]

I mean, it's kind of hard.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, have you withheld anything that he likes?

[Eva]

No. And I know what you're just, hey.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm just going down familiar roads. I'm just, you know, I'm just pitching familiar roads. And I want your take on it, because there is a thing that he could be going. And you go, you know, I'll tell you what turns me off a lot, is seeing my man do his ears in the living room. And he'll go, well, I gotta keep him clean. And then that night he goes like, hey, little what, Chocolate frog? And you go, that's what we call the dog. And he goes, you know what I'm getting at? And you go, all I'm thinking about is the sound of your wet ears and that Q tip. Buddy, turn the other side. Right? So there's always that path. There's always the path of fight fire with fire. And as he's.

[Eva]

That's true.

[Jake Johnson]

Cleaning his ears. You're cutting your toenails or you're picking nose hairs.

[Eva]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

There'S always. Those two paths are just standbys. So you've got those if you like them, and they still count as our pitches. Gareth. And if she does them, I still view it as a ringing the bell win.

[Rob]

The bell's getting rung.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Eva]

Yeah, you can.

[Brittany]

I would.

[Eva]

No matter what happens, you can ring the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

But you've. You listen to the show, so we don't want that.

[Rob]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

But you've listened to the show, so you know those pitches, but you're looking for something else, I'm guessing.

[Eva]

I mean, I am. I know it's kind of a tricky one, but, you know, I. I was ready for the withholding. You don't want the bro stuff?

[Rob]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eva]

I mean, it's not my favorite idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I get it. I totally get it. Okay. What you got?

[Rob]

I got a bunch. I got a bunch.

[Eva]

Oh, my God. I'm ready.

[Rob]

Okay, I'll start. Well, I'll start with what I thought was the first one, but it sounds like it's not going to work. I thought we could do a mo and Piggly. I thought we could do an informative clip where we're talking about the real dangers of Q tipping, but it sounds like you've already kind of gone that route. He doesn't give a. This is a. My strange addiction problem. He has some weird thing going on where he doesn't think his ears are going to get clean. So I would not do that. My second one is you just say to him, you don't want to see it anymore. And what you do is one day you go into the master safe of Q tips and you take off every piece of cotton, so that in there, there's just the swab part and there's no cotton to it, but that. Okay, there's that. Then this might be. This might be the one. I think what I would do is I would get some fake blood, and I would put some fake blood on a few of the Q tip tops. And wherever he throws the Q tips, like in the trash can in the bathroom or whatever, plant a couple of them, and Then one day, just after a couple days of that, say to him, you were just about to throw a tissue in there, and you notice there's blood on some of the Q tip ends and try to freak him out, like he's over cleaned his ears where one of them got bloody and he didn't notice.

[Brittany]

I got another pitch that's actually brilliant.

[Jake Johnson]

I got another pitch that I'm inspired.

[Rob]

And then I have one that's nuclear.

[Jake Johnson]

Go ahead. The other thing you could do is, and this is a longer play, but whenever he Q tips, you can save them. And after a year, present him with all the Q tips he has used in a year, which would be if he's doing, you know, four times, that's eight a day. Eight times. 360. You're talking about a lot of Q tips. And you could say, like, I just want to show you something, my man. I just want to show you who you've become with these weird fucking ears of yours and just dump them out and go like, you need help.

[Rob]

So that could link into. That could link into the other pitch I had, which was post a picture of them and just say, take the shame publicly and just say, okay, off of that pitch. That's enough. So there's an option there.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got really quick off the public shame really fast. Yeah, you could also, if you don't want to do a public, you can do. Get a dry erase board or not a dry erase. A pin board and cork board. A corkboard. And every time he Q tips, mark it down.

[Brittany]

Yeah, I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

So he just has to see how many times.

[Rob]

And then. Okay, so then here's a separate one. You start saving the Q tips. And what you do is you take 50 used ones that you've stored and you put them back in the original box. And after two weeks of that, you reveal to him that he's been using used Q tips.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that.

[Rob]

And that shames him back into the shadows. You can't be involved in this. And now he's. He has no choice but now to.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, what I love about that Garrett with is he's putting the junk back in his ears.

[Rob]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're doing nothing. You're just being a weirdo. The other thing I would say on this, what you could.

[Rob]

They look so clean that you're reusing them.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Well, another thing that you could say is, you could say to him, you could say, honey, how many times do you think you Q tip a day? Right? And like, he'll probably think it's less than you do. It's like a gambler. They never want to say their real numbers.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then go, I. I think you go more than, you know, a hundred in a month or whatever you're going to say. And he'll say no. And then you go. If you are under that, then keep going. But if you're over it, how about you take a month off and then you go to the cork board and you're marking it so that he has to be aware because it might be something he's not even that conscious of. Like he just doesn't think. He gets a weird little, you know.

[Rob]

About the four times a day. It's probably more.

[Jake Johnson]

It's probably more. And go like, let's do an honor code system where whenever you do it, just let me know because I think you're doing it so much. So he has to be aware of it.

[Rob]

It's a problem.

[Jake Johnson]

It's an addiction. And you're calling out the addiction to stop. So what we've got right now is take off the cotton part. So he's just goes in there and just a bunch of blue sticks.

[Rob]

That's why I love the show. Just out of context, you just like you said that with all seriousness, put.

[Jake Johnson]

A little fake blood on some so he thinks he actually might be damaging his ear. Save them and present them back to him to show his addiction. Post it on social media. So there's a little bit of public shame. Get a board at home. So you're tracking his addiction. Make a bet and see where he is and see if he'll agree to take a month off. He is. If he does it. And then take the used Q tips and put them back. And later tell him he has been using used Q tips. Eva, a woman who loves dogs, calls her dog a chocolate frog. Works for a non profit, lives somewhere in upstate near Troy. What are you gonna do?

[Eva]

All right, so I think it's like a threefold. These are all great ideas, by the way. I didn't. I would not have thought of any of these. So thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, at this point, at this point, I could say we're professionals.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what, it's nice to hear.

[Brittany]

At the end of the day.

[Eva]

Yeah. So I think, I don't think I'm going to save all of his Q tips. As much as I love that idea because it just sounds awful.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree. It's gross.

[Eva]

But I actually really like the blood idea. I think that that would be effective. So I think maybe I would do that. And then on top of that, I really like the keeping track and the best.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Eva]

So maybe like a threefold, you know, keep track because I think that would like, annoy him enough too. And then plus, like being like, you know, I think you do it this much, he would probably try to decrease so that. I'm wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Brittany]

Right.

[Eva]

So I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you could set that number lower than you think now.

[Brittany]

Okay.

[Rob]

Yeah. What order do you think she should do that if you're going to try all three? Because I do think you would want to do an order of the. Start with the accounting of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rob]

And then lead you to the. To the. I would say the blood.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rob]

And then let that lead to the.

[Jake Johnson]

My kind of feeling is a little different. I think you start with the blood and.

[Rob]

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense too.

[Jake Johnson]

And then if it keeps going after and you don't even mention it, just like there's blood on his Q tips. And then like. And you never tell him you're part of it or that you called this podcast, obviously.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Just to spook him out. Out.

[Brittany]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And then maybe one day you just go like, hey, I found this in the garbage. Is your ear bleeding? And he's like, what the.

[Rob]

I. And I think you. I think you do it where, like, you're just like, honey, you're. You are cleaning your ears to the point where there is blood on Q tips and you don't even know see it.

[Eva]

This is serious.

[Brittany]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

And what we could do, if that is kind of working, it's on the fence. You could call back and then we could do a mo and piggly about. This is a thing that happens and you know, it's like. And part of the thing will be what's wild is, is the person doing it doesn't see the blood.

[Rob]

And what we could talk about is how that person. You need to take a month off from cleaning that ear. Otherwise you're opening a wound, it can get infected. We could do a whole play there.

[Brittany]

Oh, so okay.

[Eva]

I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

I say that sounds great. Start there. Follow up. If the follow up is we're on the fence in the follow up, we'll do a mo and piggly. And then we'll just have to do another follow up up.

[Rob]

And then let do us a favor and will you take pictures of the crime scene you're setting?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, great idea.

[Brittany]

Of course.

[Rob]

Let us see the garbage can. Go to a costume shop and get the fake blood. Do it right.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. How are you going to do.

[Eva]

I mean, I think I have leftover Halloween.

[Brittany]

Well, I think so.

[Eva]

I. I was like, you know, got vampire blood for Halloween. So I think I have, like, a bottle of fake, like, makeup blood. Oh, so you could do that today?

[Rob]

Yep. Great.

[Eva]

Yeah. So I'm ready. But my question is, do I just leave it? Because, like, do I just leave it around? And then he'll like.

[Jake Johnson]

Eva. For a few days. You just leave it. Because the hope is this.

[Eva]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

He goes to throw another one out, finds it himself.

[Rob]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And goes, what the fuck? Because if you tell him, it's a little suspicious, but the real hope is if he leaves one on the dining room table. Perfect.

[Rob]

The. The hope is that he opens the garbage can and goes, oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Then touches his. Touches his little gross, wet ear, and he's like. And then goes to you. And he goes like, there was blood. And you go, you do it too much, man.

[Rob]

Yeah, well, you. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

You poke at your belly button every day. You think it's going to be the same. It's gonna scab.

[Rob]

Yeah. Well, that's a weird thing to know and be so confident about. But. But the point remains. He has a problem, you want him to come to you with it. But if you have to intervene, then we go that route. But start by laying the crime scene a little. Just one a day. Start putting on one end. Like, one of the ears is bleeding. It's his Eid. I'm sorry, Jake, but one of the ends is bleeding. And just start to set the scene in the trash can. Hope he notices. If he doesn't, you go at him.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it's great.

[Eva]

Okay. I think it. I think it's great, too. You guys posted super helpful.

[Rob]

Take some pictures.

[Jake Johnson]

And Eva, I gotta say, I'm glad you said you didn't like this. The idea of withholding sex and doing the old road. You made us work for it a little bit, but I do think we came to a great. I think we came to a good answer.

[Eva]

I think you did, too. I'm. I mean, I'm not surprised, but I'm impressed.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Rob]

Bloody the Q tip. Eva, keep us posted.

[Jake Johnson]

And now that's going to be a new thing. We just say a lot. Bloody the Q tip. Unfortunately, Bloody the Q.

[Rob]

It's the new Parmesan.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Rob]

All right, Eva. Thank you.

[Eva]

All right, guys, have a good one.

[Jake Johnson]

Have a great one.

[Eva]

Thank you. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Herobred. Herobred is my absolute favorite sponsor we have because I love eating the food. They've sent us a bunch of packages and now I'm hooked. I'm buying it on my own. I love the tortillas, I love the bread, I love the bagels. I love everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Rob]

I said, hey, your pros are up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Rob]

I said, your pros are up. You're welcome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Brittany]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you?

[Brittany]

I'm good. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, good. Welcome back to the show. This is a follow up, but Gareth and I don't know what the follow up is. So could you tell us who you are, what your call was, what our solution?

[Rob]

This is always exciting.

[Jake Johnson]

We are. Yeah.

[Rob]

The reveal.

[Jake Johnson]

What's happening?

[Brittany]

Yes, absolutely. So my name is Brittany, and my problem was that my best friend Shimmy had just moved back to Austin, where I live from Hawaii with her family.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The family drama.

[Rob]

Yeah, yeah. The ownership over Shimmy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So keep going, Britney. It was. Yeah. Will you walk us through it again? For anybody for some reason who didn't hear it originally, but walk us through it, Brittany?

[Brittany]

Yes. And so they had this ongoing secret joke that they all hated me and kind of talked shit about me. And so I was looking for ways to break the ice with them when I finally met them.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Rob]

What was the advice?

[Jake Johnson]

Shirts.

[Brittany]

So I kind of blacked out. Yeah, I kind of blacked out. Y'all gave me some other advice, too. I only remember one of the other ones that y'all gave me, which was Gareth said I should make pinatas of the whole family and, like, bust them open with Shimmy. But we didn't go with that one.

[Rob]

We ended on the shirt, listening back to that pitch. Horrible. Right?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And so what happened with the. What shirt? Did you pick what happened so on the shirt.

[Brittany]

Do you want me to read what the shirt says?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Do you have a photo? Okay.

[Brittany]

Yeah, I do. I sent it to you guys. But I also have it in front of me so I can, like, read it. Okay. So it says on the front it says Jimmy's favorite people in parentheses. Written by Shimmy. Obviously not. And then number one, Britney. Number two, mom, because she lives in Texas. Three is Blank. Four is Sophia and Olivia, who are her nieces. Five is Crystal, who's her sister. Six is John Wick the dog, which is like the arch nemesis of the family. And then seven is Anthony, who's like the main culprit.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, good. I mean, by the way, great shirt. Well done.

[Rob]

A lot of inside stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

Inside stuff. Okay, what's the back say?

[Brittany]

The back is y'all said I should do something ridiculous and write an over the top letter to me from Shimmy, but obviously written by me. So it says, to my dearest friend and favorite person on the planet, Brittany. It's hard for me to put into words how much you mean to me. Everything I've gone through. You've been by my side every step of the way. Moving to Texas with you was the best decision I ever could have made. It's weird that I don't even miss my family back in Hawaii. I know they said yes. I know they say blood is thicker than water, but in this case, that's so far from the truth. You are the number one person in my life and always will be.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on, Garrett.

[Rob]

Wow. It is very.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a huge victory.

[Rob]

I gotta start traveling with the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Brittany]

Yeah. It says, P.S. if my family ever saw this, I would deny it all. But I need you to know how much more I love you. Love your very best friends.

[Jake Johnson]

What a victory.

[Rob]

That's great, right? That so. Okay. So you got the shirt made?

[Brittany]

Yes, I made it myself.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way.

[Rob]

A way to go. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it looks like it's just kind of pasted on there.

[Rob]

Was this the final of the shirt?

[Eva]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so the.

[Rob]

So to be clear, you didn't go to a professional, you just kind of rubber cemented this. These note cards on the shirt, which we're fine with. Whatever the point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The fun's the fun.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, this.

[Eva]

It's transfer paper.

[Jake Johnson]

This shirt is. This shirt is good. Mercury merch.

[Rob]

Good merch. Yes. This is good merch.

[Jake Johnson]

We should copy this.

[Rob]

This is good merch.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So then, Jimmy, what happened? Did you wear it around them? I remember they were coming to visit or you were going there. I think this was happening right around the holidays.

[Rob]

Yep.

[Eva]

Yes.

[Brittany]

So it actually happened right after the holidays. So we decided it would be best for me to meet them at her niece's surprise birthday party. So she took me to meet her family. And while I'm waiting for that part of the family to arrive, I meet like 30 people that don't know about the bit. So the suspense is killing you. Like wearing this shirt under a sweater.

[Rob]

Okay, Take that.

[Brittany]

Hidden. Hidden.

[Rob]

Yeah.

[Brittany]

Yeah. So her niece walks up and instead of being surprised by the surprise party, the first thing she says is, I heard Britney was here. Which is just hilarious because it's just embedded in her, even though she's like 12 years old, that there's the hate from her family, from me. But the main culprit of teasing her brother in law eventually walked over side eyeing me and introduced himself to me and kind of a playful tone. And then I was like, man, it's hot. I need to take the sweater off. So I took it off and.

[Rob]

You old ham.

[Brittany]

I know it's a lot. He Started dying. He started dying laughing and playfully called me a bitch and that I was petty and told me he was rooting against me for life and that he was gonna make a blonde voodoo doll.

[Eva]

Yeah, good.

[Jake Johnson]

I like him. He's a winner. He's a winner too.

[Eva]

Yeah.

[Brittany]

I actually think you guys. What?

[Rob]

It's still very intense. I would have thought that that might have thawed things, but you guys are keeping up.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Britney, this feels like a massive. Yeah, feels like a massive win. And what's going on now with Shimmy? What's going on with the family, with the dynamic where we at?

[Brittany]

So after that, it was way better. It's definitely still. I have, like, a playful arch nemesis, which I love. I've always wanted an arch nemesis. And after the fact, they all told Jimmy that they loved me. So it was definitely a win. Yeah, super fun.

[Eva]

Great.

[Brittany]

Yeah, Great, great time. I love the advice on the shirt, and I'll now, like, cherish that shirt forever. And I.

[Rob]

Can I make a suggestion for if there's another meeting? I think you should get, like, a queen crown and a sash that says Shimmy's number 1 1.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, for sure.

[Rob]

Lean and hard.

[Jake Johnson]

But it also feels like Britney's now just in the family now.

[Rob]

Yeah, it's. Yes. Yeah, I think that's. You know, that, like, it's like she's. If someone escalates the joke, that's an inside joke. Well, that's. That's a victory.

[Brittany]

So, yeah, at the end, we hugged by and I was like, it was great to meet you. And he, like, said, so good to meet you out loud, and then whispered in my ear, go yourself. That was just like a very.

[Jake Johnson]

So now you're in the.

[Eva]

Very playful guy.

[Brittany]

I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm in the fantasy. Out. All right, Good for you. This was a great followup. We appreciate Ringing the Bell will say for us it's a huge victory. Very clean win.

[Brittany]

Yeah. Yeah, clean.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a good way to start the year with a nice, big victory.

[Rob]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Britney.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, Britney.

[Brittany]

Thank you, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto helppod to see our entire catalog.

[Rob]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Jake Johnson]

Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis.

[Rob]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Theme song by Oliver Robinson. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only. And all listeners should be adults and.

[Rob]

Make their own decisions.

[Brittany]

Oh, how I love you, Mrs. Gingerbread. You're the poofy twiddle cat just for me. I love you, love you, love you.

[Eva]

I'm always thinking of you.

[Brittany]

I hope that you're thinking of me.

[F]

Hi, guys. I'm Ego Wodom. Check out my new show. Thanks, dad. Now on Head gum. I was raised by a single mom, and I don't have a relationship with my dad. And spoiler, I don't think I'm ever gonna have one with him because he's. He's dead. But. But I promise you that's okay. Because on my new podcast, I sit down with father figures like Bill Burr, Kenan Thompson, Adam Pali, Hasan Minhaj, Tim Meadows, Andy Cohen, and many, many more. I get to ask them the questions I've always wanted to ask a dad. Like, how do I know if the guy I'm dating is the one? Or how can I change the oil in my. Can you even show me that? Or better yet, can you help me perfect my jump shot? I am so bad at basketball. Oh, my gosh. Maybe. Maybe I'm bad at basketball because I don't have a dad. But subscribe to thanks, dad on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday.

[Brittany]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to Patreon. Com heretohelpod.