146: Sweatpant Wedgie Butt & Filthy Granny

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help - Episode 146: Sweatpant Wedgie Butt & Filthy Granny

Introduction

In episode 146 of We're Here to Help, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two unique and uncomfortable caller situations with their signature blend of humor and earnest advice. Released on February 10, 2025, this episode delves into workplace discomfort and neighborhood harassment, offering listeners both laughs and thoughtful solutions.

Aaron's Dilemma: The Sweatpant Wedgie

Caller Introduction [08:07] Aaron from St. Louis, Missouri, reaches out with a workplace concern. He describes a female coworker who consistently wears her sweatpants pulled up uncomfortably high, creating a visible wedgie that shortens her pants. Aaron is torn between addressing the issue and ignoring it to maintain workplace harmony.

Hosts' Initial Reactions [12:01] Jake observes, “But look behind the knee. Behind the knee there's wrinkles. So fabric wise, it's not taut everywhere. It's hard to imagine how the fabric is so up that.” Gareth adds, “I completely agree that she doesn't know what this looks like. You just wouldn't do this if you did.” Their analysis suggests that the issue may stem from the coworker's body shape rather than a deliberate choice.

Advice and Strategies [13:37] Jake proposes a sensitive approach: “Maybe play this while trying to maintain some sensitivity for this woman.” He suggests leveraging professional contexts, such as discussing work-related topics (e.g., cigarette prices) to subtly bring attention to the issue without direct confrontation.

Creative Pitches [14:32 - 21:24] The hosts brainstorm various strategies:

• Indirect Communication: Jake advises, “Send her this photo and go like, am I insane? Sorry. Like, am I insane?” to prompt self-awareness.
• Replicating the Issue: Gareth recommends mimicking her style to highlight the problem, leading to light-hearted but effective confrontation.
• Involving Allies: Both suggest collaborating with others or using humor to address the situation collectively.

Rolly's Story: Filthy Granny's Harassment

Caller Introduction [31:50] Rolly from London shares his disturbing encounters with an elderly woman during his morning walks. The woman makes sexually explicit and uncomfortable remarks, such as “shit on me” and “ask me in my dirty sea,” leaving Rolly feeling harassed and unsure of how to respond.

Hosts' Reactions [36:29] Jake expresses shock, “No, I wasn't expecting it either.” Gareth acknowledges the severity, stating, “It's hysterical, but it is harassment.” They recognize the fine line between humor and genuine distress in such situations.

Advice and Solutions [37:04 - 57:05] The hosts offer multiple approaches:

• Documentation: Jake suggests, “Start recording and just put it out.” to gather evidence of the harassment.
• Community Support: Gareth recommends, “Start an email address... find a community,” to build a support network against the harasser.
• Direct Confrontation: Both propose confronting the woman with documented evidence, potentially deterring future harassment.

Notable Quotes

• Jake Johnson [66:12]: “This woman sounds actually scary. Maybe we play the game with her... you could get yourself in a spiderweb that you can't get out of.”
• Gareth Reynolds [67:07]: “She does really look like she's relooking at the picture now as Rob is forcing us to.”
• Jake Johnson [70:03]: “You should be able to walk wherever you want to walk. We are not victim blaming here.”
• Rolly [35:03]: “The first one I thought I misheard until it happened so many times.”

Conclusion

In this episode, Jake and Gareth navigate Aaron's internal workplace struggle and Rolly's unsettling neighborhood harassment with a mix of humor and practical advice. They emphasize the importance of addressing uncomfortable situations thoughtfully and creatively, while also maintaining personal safety and respect. By encouraging callers to document incidents and seek community support, the hosts provide actionable steps to tackle these unique problems.

Closing Remarks

We're Here to Help continues to blend humor with meaningful advice, making it a relatable and entertaining listen for anyone facing awkward or challenging social situations. Listeners are encouraged to submit their questions via email for future episodes.

Episode Highlights:

• Aaron's Workplace Issue: Navigating a coworker's unintentional wardrobe malfunction.
• Rolly's Neighborhood Harassment: Addressing persistent and explicit verbal harassment.
• Creative Solutions: From indirect communication to community support and direct confrontation.
• Notable Moments: Hosts' humorous exchanges and empathetic advice underscoring the show's friendly, bartenders-like vibe.

Final Thoughts

Episode 146 showcases We're Here to Help's ability to handle a wide range of caller issues with both levity and seriousness, ensuring listeners feel both entertained and supported.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Aaron]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Aaron]

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[Aaron]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

We are back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. You know, we're deep into season two now.

[Jake Johnson]

We are. And you know, what we've been doing is we have been airing them as they come in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trying to. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Trying to season one. What we did is we just banked a lot and we moved them around. I think part of the experiment of this year and maybe it's worth talking about is maybe we edit less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

And just put them in order and see what happens. What do you think, Gareth? What's your.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I think, you know, some of these you want some polish on because, you know, I think there's some times where they can go on long. I, I'm as guilty as the caller is. But, but no, I think there is something to, I mean we talked about it before. Like we've had calls where we feel like we're on a deadline and we're like 45 minutes in and someone's like, no. And we're like, oh my God. But there is, the process is pretty good. I will say in some of these early ones we've recorded good options.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also great problems. So Yeah, I think that, you know, some are easier than others, but I don't. I'm not against that.

[Jake Johnson]

Just to kind of feel it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Just to kind of see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The good thing is our fans are vocal. If they don't like that, we'll know.

[Jake Johnson]

They'll let us know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We will know.

[Jake Johnson]

And, Gareth, what are you excited about with Jordan Love and our bet? Because we have a. At the end of next year. Well, this would be. This is going to be February.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[Jake Johnson]

So we're going to know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is right around when we'll know what's going on. Yeah. So.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is. Our bet is this year and next year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it was three years and one year's passed, so I have two Super Bowls left for the packers to.

[Jake Johnson]

To win the Super Bowl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't believe sometimes I hear the bets back. I know.

[Jake Johnson]

Now if you would have said, get to the Super Bowl, I don't know if I can do it. The NFC is not great. But you said win it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what's also not good is that people in my life have learned about my option A name, and now they're pushing. They call it out. Yeah, of course. You want to buy the first thing. You're option A. I'm going. No. This is a legit decision I'm making.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the bet we made was Gary said that Jordan Love in the Green Bay packers will win a Super bowl within three years, and we bet a thousand dollars on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, no, you. You gave me odds, though. Okay, So I have. I have some odds. My. My payout is less. I pay you less than you pay. Okay, but the bet is insane.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And so we will know at this point. We're recording this early.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Well, no. If you've won, Future Us is.

[Aaron]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. By the time this airs.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, Future Us is cool. And a movie that is underrated, even though it is highly rated, is Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to talk about great sequels?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I never saw the sequel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. That's how you do it.

[Aaron]

See?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Totally different.

[Jake Johnson]

You're talking about the one they made, like, five years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, the sequel to Excellent Adventure.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I got so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because they did make one a few years ago.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're not talking about the remake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Did you see the remake?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Was it terrible? It's fun to see him speak freely. Hey, Keano's not listening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, come on.

[Jake Johnson]

It terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It wasn't terrible, but the first two Are really good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. The first one I remember seeing back in the day and thinking, probably the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was the best movie. It actually ruined for saying Socrates.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is harder for me because of them calling him so crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

So crowds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I've said like, so crates before. Like, I've been like.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, very similar to so great Keanu in that era. His performance in Parenthood was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love. He was my favorite actors, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Point Break.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best.

[Jake Johnson]

So good. That era of movies was so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best. The best.

[Jake Johnson]

I tell you what. When I fell off of the Keanu train a little bit was. I mean, I. Look, I. Well, I just adored him. It was like, same. Point Break was probably the coolest movie I'd ever seen in my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Every time I'd go by. Every time I'd go by Lake Michigan and I'd see a baby wave, I'd be like, I might just run in there and disappear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I might not. He's not coming back.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I'm. I might. I'm wearing dreams right now. And I might just go into that wave that goes up to my belly button. You'll never see my ass again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, we see you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, because I can't swim. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake almost drowned kind of. Point.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not going. I'm not going over my. My tits. Because Lord knows I can't hold my nose underwater. Doesn't matter. I'm still Johnny Utah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Johnny Utah's alive because of his tits.

[Jake Johnson]

These tits keep me. By the way, a realistic Johnny Utah is. He's not a great swimmer. He's got tits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, he was an athlete who blew out his knee. He probably doesn't look, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

And every cool character from the 80s and 90s was an athlete who blew out his knee and he just went too hard in the trailer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ricky, Texas.

[Jake Johnson]

They were just the coolest characters. By the way, if you have. Do you love the original Roadhouse as much as I do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, the best, but for the reasons. But I think part of the reason we like that movie is because it was one of the first movies where I saw boobs.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we have to. I mean, look. Yes, but that was, for me, Total Recall, when there was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There was three boobed woman. But that doesn't count.

[Jake Johnson]

It counted for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just horrible. We gotta start the show. What a horrible reveal. Listen, for me, listen. Gosh, I can't believe the one of those was fake. That's like Three Card Monty.

[Jake Johnson]

Doesn't matter.

[Aaron]

Even better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, the show's.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm still looking forward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine the guy you just heard talk. Helping people with problems. That's the premise of the show.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're at about 150. Well, episodes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're excited, we're having fun. We appreciate the support, share the show, tell people.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please, without further.

[Jake Johnson]

Further ado. Hello.

[Aaron]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

How are you? Can we get your name, please?

[Aaron]

My name is Aaron.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron. And where are you calling from, Aaron?

[Aaron]

St. Louis, Missouri.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, St. Louis, Missouri. And what do you like to do in St. Louis?

[Aaron]

Just go to the arcade bars, I guess.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Archade bars, I guess. And what's your favorite arcade game?

[Aaron]

Probably the Super Mario.

[Jake Johnson]

Old school.

[Aaron]

Old school. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, what's your favorite arcade game?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, honestly, I would say any one of those driving ones.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you do the. Drive it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you do the new expensive ones?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I. I steer a little clear of those because they're a little. Much like that is a. A very immersive experience. And It'll be like $10. Yeah, but, yeah, I'll go ahead for that. What about you?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I mean, guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I feel like it's going to be either a shooter or like an NBA Jam type pinball. Pinball's a great one. Pinball's a great. I bet you get the. No tilt a lot too. I can see you getting the light.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, stop tilting. It's very.

[Aaron]

That's my wife's favorite, too. Yeah, that's my wife's favorite too.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that yours is the motorcycles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

G. And I mean, if you saw from a distance, you'd be like, I could see his ass crack. This is my.

[Jake Johnson]

This is for sure going back to Robert and Barbara from the Shark Tank. But, Aaron, it's not about us. It's about you. What can we do for you?

[Aaron]

Okay, so I have this newish friend at work. We've been friends a little bit less than a year, and we were doing a project on work and she was wearing sweatpants. And her friend, or my friend, she. She wears her pants so far up her butt crack. It kind of. She's just kind of like a walking wedgie, I guess. And it kind of makes her pants look a little bit shorter too. And I just am just wondering if I should tell her about it or if I should just let it go and pretend like I'm not seeing anything.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, can you see that bigger?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's. It's different than what I pictured because it's like the. The pants aren't necessarily as taut as I thought they would be or like hiked up, but the crack is super.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what they also are? They're like stretch pants. They look like exercise pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

More than. Yeah, sweatpants. But the, the butt's doing a lot of the work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But look at, look behind the knee. Behind the knee there's wrinkles. So fabric wise, it's not taught everywhere. It's hard to imagine how the fabric is so up that.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to tell you something that might put you in trouble here. It might be the woman's body because I don't think that. I don't think this is necessarily how she's hiking up those pants. I might, I think it might be the shape of the body.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, okay, let. Let's get into it because I have it now. CSI blown up. There are underwear because you could see that the straight line there. So there's underwear.

[Jake Johnson]

So really quickly, for anybody listening, we no longer do YouTube, which I know is annoying timing, but we are on Patreon. So just get on it for this if you want to see it and then get off if you want to get off it. But it's worth seeing. So it is a woman in gray stretch pants. It. You are right, Aaron. She has pulled them up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

This is not her body. This is, this is a decision she has made.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's put her hand in the fabric and pushed it into her butt. Is what it looks like.

[Jake Johnson]

What it also looks like is the butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. It looks like they're sucking it in like angel hair pasta.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there is a there. Do you agree with me, Jake, that there is an underwear line there?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I see a line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So we're talking about two different layers being rammed up there.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. Aaron, I understand your dilemma. If I was in the position where you took this photo, I would be thinking about this nearly non stop. It would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a good look.

[Jake Johnson]

It would be something I thought about all the time.

[Aaron]

It. It's constantly on my mind and I just don't know what to do about it.

[Jake Johnson]

So let's, let's start from the beginning. What have you done? What have you thought? Where are you at in this situation?

[Aaron]

I haven't, honestly haven't got too far. So I honestly was just thinking about just letting it go and just hoping I don't have to see her in those kind of situation again.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a lot to do with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is. Is she wearing those? Pretty much. Is that the style of pants she wears all the time.

[Aaron]

Yes, unfortunately. And I just don't really understand because I've also seen it and now I've seen a couple of times in shorts too. And it's just like. I don't know if this is her, who she is.

[Jake Johnson]

I think what she does is she takes her right hand and pulls the back of them up and just make sure they don't go too low. And I don't think she realizes what's happening back there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I completely agree that. I don't think she knows what this looks like. You just wouldn't do this if you did.

[Jake Johnson]

No. And you know what I think you could do? I think there's a way to play this while trying to maintain some sensitivity for this woman.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

In the photo you sent, there's cigarette prices against the. The side where you got like a Bronson for 573. You got, you got Reds for 10, 14. You got Newports for 7 11. You could maybe ask her a question specifically about the prices and send her this photo. Right. And go like, am I insane? Sorry. Like, am I insane? But a Bronson is 573.

[Aaron]

That's good, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Just so she goes. Oh, yeah, looks. Then goes, jesus, is that what my butt looks like in these pants?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I think that's good because I really don't. I think she's. She must be doing it for a reason. I mean, she has to be doing this for a reason. It can't just like a statement. No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think this is a sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want me to honestly say. Honestly say what? I. I think she has swamp butt. I think she gets swampy back there. And I think she puts it up there to sort of try it. Being serious. Well, to sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

I know you're being serious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Uncomfortability.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm judging you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be honest.

[Jake Johnson]

We all are. But we appreciate your honesty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be. I'll follow the sword.

[Jake Johnson]

Your handle of swamp butt is to yank your underpants further up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no. It's not number one.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there's, there's, there's multiple other ports of call before. I'm going with that.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, but your last effort.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the hail, man.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is, this is where you go at the end where you sort of just treat it like a butt tampon.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, you're not wrong. So, Aaron, where are you guys? Is swamp butt heat a thing there? Where Are you.

[Aaron]

I mean, can be, but I. Not at the time that we need to be wearing pants.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you in Florida or are you in St. Louis? Oh, St. Louis.

[Aaron]

St. Louis.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even then I'll say, though. Sometimes you walk into places and you go, jesus, this is overcompensating for the outside. She's inside right here.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but you would see sweat marks.

[Aaron]

Yeah. We have all the seasons, so it's. If it pants, it's. It's like fallish, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think you're wrong, Gareth. I think you're pot onto something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, either way, it's a little irrelevant because what are we going to do about it? I like your pitch. I. You don't know her too well, right, Aaron?

[Aaron]

Correct. I have only been friends with her for, like, seven months or something, so.

[Jake Johnson]

It seems pretty long to be able to. I mean, do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, do you text? Yeah, we text a lot. Yeah, I think you might. I mean, this is the straight. This is down the middle.

[Jake Johnson]

Try it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I think you might want to say, you know, I. I have two pitches. One is the earnest one, where you just say, hey, you know, I'm not going to lie. Like, just. Do you know that it looks like that back there, that maybe is my last.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a. Gareth, that's a brutal text, my man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a text, it's an impersonate.

[Jake Johnson]

That's that. Okay. That's a face that. If I got a text from something like that, I'm saying, get your sword out. Get your sword out. We're going into a battle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like. I like your.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you know that's what your butt looks like, dude?

[Rolly]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, look, there's delicate language.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I was doing this on purpose. This is a mean. This is. That's a text. You would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I turn everything into a th.

[Jake Johnson]

And it would trigger me. Looks like this horrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like someone saying your breath stinks or whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, quick question. Save your. Save your next pitch, Gareth, because I want to hear it. But, Aaron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wild.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron, if you saw her with a booger in your. No, in her nose, are you the kind of person who would say something?

[Aaron]

Yeah, I probably. Yeah, I'm. I can. Yeah, I can definitely say something. If, like, she had a booger in her nose, I can say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty wild. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. And you guys have that kind of dynamic.

[Aaron]

Yeah, we're. We're goofy people, but I've seen also a little bit of a defensive side, too, so that's why I was a little bit nervous about, but particular. I mean, we're pretty goofy.

[Jake Johnson]

You are. So what do. What would your guess be? Can you do us a quick little favor and you play you and her. How you could loosely bring up kind of going off g thing, being like, do you know your pants are wedged up there? And what your honest guess of what she would say back just so we can get a real sense of the type of character we're dealing with.

[Aaron]

Okay, well, I mean, if I said that, she might be a little defensive, and I don't know why, because sometimes she's defensive about weird things. So, I mean, if I said that, I don't. I could see it going two ways. One being like, oh, hell no, that's crazy. I didn't know that. Or also being like, well, I do that, because that I don't know. For some crazy reason, I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I got you. But the, the angry reminds me of us in fourth grade. I was playing football with some friends, and a guy got hurt, and I said, are you okay? And as he was crying, he yelled, do I look okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, that's a really defensive way to deal with you getting hurt, my man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But exactly. The booger comp is really good because you. Everybody wants to know. You'd want to know. You'd want. You. Did you just baka Jake?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I just found it in one of my drawers. I've been using it, like, all day, and I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, good to catch up. I think it was something about look.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it was something about looking at this ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just said the breath. I said it's like knowing you have bad breath.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm looking at this ass. How you doing? I'm Jake. Nice to meet you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you're in. I get you. I, I. You would want to know. You would want to know. Even if you're defensive, it. Now the question is, do you want to put yourself in that situation? Which, like, I don't know. I mean, maybe you don't. But here's, here's my, My other pitch, and it's a weird one. I would replicate the look and see if she gets. See if she gets eyes on your version of it. And maybe that prompts something. That's the soft way to get it out.

[Jake Johnson]

I love a replicate. Now you're entering dangerous territory on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Replicate because the line dangerous territory.

[Jake Johnson]

But the line between parody and helpfulness is tricky. You got. You've got two asses scrunched up with sweatpants, a tough little look, here's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In my dream scenario, here's how this plays out, okay? Okay, you go for it. You get a similar style. You credit card it deep inside there, and then you're hanging out with her, and she, she goes, you're, like, wedged up there, and you really do it, and you go, oh, I know. I do. I. Well, you do it too. I. Yours is the same. Like, that's where.

[Jake Johnson]

Or you do it differently, and you do that same moment, and if she goes, you're wedged up there. You go, oh, my God. Thanks in me. You don't tell her until the next day. And then you go, like, girl, just like I was yesterday. You're wedged up today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's, here's, here's the other version of that. Either you or your wife do the wedging and you talk to her as a sidebar of like, look at how my wife's got. It means her pants are.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God, Gareth. I have an idea based off that, which I really like. You replicate this same photo, but you do it of your wife's butt, and you tease your wife behind your back to your friend O. And you go like, look at what. Look at what she did. You go, look, I love my wife. Look at her. Her butt cheeks are eating the sweatpants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's disgusting. I, I honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you, you say to her, what do I do? Do I tell her?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, look, this is.

[Jake Johnson]

We're now getting Seinfeld. This is as show about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is as close as you can get to pointing out that sweatpant wedgie butt is an issue without telling her that she suffers from it.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, I mean, without getting too personal, obviously, throughout my life, there have been many times where I've leaned on therapy for my mental health. You know, sometimes I think you just feel the burden is a little too much for you to bear. And there is nothing wrong with trying to get some help. And that's what Alma's all about. I think when it comes to mental health, being able to talk to someone is pretty much irreplaceable. What you're getting with Alma is you're getting real people. You're going to talk to somebody. 97% of people seeing a therapist through ALMA said that their therapist makes them feel seen or heard. So you know, you can really just take a break from the scrolling and use alma's directory to find a therapist who meets your specific needs. It takes a real person to understand your human experience. You know, I think that is why ALMA is helpful.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

Right now get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with code here to help@blue nile.com. that's $50 off with code here to help@blue Nile.com. that's Blue Nile. B L U N I L E dot com. So we got some good pitches for you on this one. So you do the replicate, right? You do, Gareth. You just dress like her. You're hoping for her to say, you got sweatpants up your butt. And you can at some point say same. A version of that that's less confrontational is you take a photo of your wife's butt with sweatpants stuck up there. You show her jokingly and ask her, what do you think I should do? Or the third idea is you show her this photo and ask her a question about something on the side of. So that you can just. Or ask her about those pink shoes. Go like question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do an overtime.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's my quick overtime pitch. Have your wife. Have your wife wedgie her butt exactly like this picture. And then to both of them, when you're hanging out, say you notice something, which is that they both do the butt wedgie and kind of poke fun at both of them lightly. And your wife. Is that so? Then it feels like they're in a. On a team.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but I. I like bringing it up that the. Then you would need the wife to say, all right, I'll agree to stop if she does. Because what you don't want is them being proud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The reason why I like your pitch is because I don't think she knows it looks like.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think she does either.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I think it's a way to show her what it looks like without being like. That's why I like your pitch. You're like, cigarette prices. It's just a little like, what are you gonna ask about cigarette price. This is a way where you go, you know, you say my wife and you look at this side.

[Jake Johnson]

The same thing. That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same butt.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Aaron, Aaron, what are you thinking here? Where are you at here?

[Aaron]

Well, I don't think, honestly, my wife would, you know, pull that up her ass to take a picture or hang out. You know, I could do that. That section. The second one I was going to go with, because I'm going to go with the. The cigarette price one. The first pitch. Okay, I'm definitely going to do that first and see if she even like notices like that her. But anything else but the cigarette prices.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but then do this, Aaron, would you text it to her and what question would you ask?

[Aaron]

Probably like something about like did someone change the price of the cigarettes for Newports because they're supposed to be a different price.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And that would make sense with your job? That would be a normal question.

[Aaron]

Yes. Yeah, because we, yeah, we do like we change prices at the stores and stuff constantly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So why don't you say you think a customer maybe went in there and around with the prices? Are you wrong or something? Like, like true, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

But I think that's fair to do that via a text.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And maybe the only reason I'm saying that is cuz maybe we could then get a response and have it ourselves too. Because then she's seeing the photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you're safe to do it in text because look, she's either going to see it or she's not going to see it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This picture. Do not go to the cigarette. We both right away. Oh my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody's going to look at the cigarette.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Prices I would imagine even yourself. Unless she knows and she's made a choice that she, you know, might go.

[Jake Johnson]

God damn, my ass looks great. I've done it. Poor. I've pulled off what I'm trying to pull off. And then God bless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then, then, yeah, then what are you gonna do? You got a friend who does this. That's, that's the thing.

[Rolly]

Sorry.

[Aaron]

And then that's a different call.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's a different. By the way, you're writer. Then that's a different call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you, you really have one option after you do that, which is the pull aside because yeah, you know, this is kind of your first. Like is she gonna go, oh my God. Like it's like an alcoholic seeing themselves blacked out in a picture. It's like, oh God, that's right.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And so Aaron, then I think we know. But just for the fun of recapping because I like a good recap. Would you walk us through exactly what you're gonna do?

[Aaron]

All right, I'm going to text her a picture of the picture I sent you guys and ask her about the cigarette prices and if someone changed the prices correctly or not and see if she notices that her pants are up her ass in the picture and hope for the best and great. I guess.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Aaron]

You know, and that doesn't work then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, if that doesn't work, then you call back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I Definitely think we need a callback either way. I mean, this is. We're gonna know.

[Jake Johnson]

We're gonna know very quickly because here's what's not gonna happen. It's not going to be an immediate fix. She's not gon out and buy all new sweatpants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is also not going to text you my ass looks like that. She's going to privately freak out if she's disturbed.

[Jake Johnson]

But you're going to really tell because that looks like a work outfit. She looks comfy. She's going to wear something like that again. What you might see a couple days after that text is that nearly the same exact sweatshirt in that same getup, but just a little bit looser in the butt. And that's all we're looking for. We're looking for 10% better.

[Aaron]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just such a strict ridge.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Some wins on this show. We're looking for 100%. This is just. We're looking for one big step in the right direction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And this isn't just that she has a big gray piece of fabric jammed up her ass. But the silver lining, that's what we're after.

[Jake Johnson]

And so, Aaron, will you send that text and then will you please follow up with us in about two weeks or a month? This is. This is important for the show. This one is important for the show.

[Aaron]

This one is. I. I feel that.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not gonna lie, Aaron. This would make my work day harder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also feel bad for her. I feel bad for her more than even. I'm sorry. Ass crack. I feel bad. This is.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel bad for Aaron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel bad for me.

[Jake Johnson]

You feel good for you.

[Aaron]

I'm so sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

Maybe Gareth is happy. Oh, no, listen, Gareth likes seeing stuff like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, where are you taking this? Where are you going right now?

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, Aaron. Thank you for the call. Please follow us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. Hello.

[Rolly]

Hi there.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi.

[Rolly]

Thank you so much for having me on your show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're very welcome. Thank you for joining us on the show, whoever you are. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please?

[Rolly]

Sure. I'm Roly. I'm 37 and I'm in London.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rolly, we detected a London accent because, I don't know, Jake went to international school.

[Jake Johnson]

What part of London are you from really?

[Rolly]

Well, probably the same part by the sounds of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think so.

[Rolly]

I'm not. I'm not from London, but I live here now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, Jake, where are you from in London? Let's just.

[Jake Johnson]

Where Were you from originally?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no. Where are you from? And it's Roli. Where are you from?

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, where are you from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course you're from. Rolling.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, stop.

[Rolly]

Yeah, me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but what are you saying? You're saying his name is. No, hold on a second. You're saying you're from his name.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm simply trying to let the guest speak.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you from?

[Jake Johnson]

Bridgeton.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bridget.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, what can we do for you, sir?

[Rolly]

Okay, yeah, so I'm calling today because every morning when I get up, I go for a little walk around my neighborhood. Like a 15 minute. And pretty much most days, it's not every day, this old lady, she tracked me down and she just says the grossest stuff I've ever heard. To me it's so sexually explicit and disgusting and I can't get her to stop. And I was wondering if you guys had any advice.

[Jake Johnson]

If her name is Pam, I'm going to freak out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord.

[Jake Johnson]

So, okay, this is how old, how.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Old are we talking is this lady?

[Rolly]

I'm not great with ages. I'm. I go for about mid-70s and sh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we obviously. Yes, great setup. We obviously need some examples of what. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Before we get there. Before we get there. So just so I can paint the picture a little bit, because this is a setup I do like a lot. Yes, you, you live in London, you go for a morning walk, you set a 15 minute, you added an R at the end of minute, which I appreciate. You see a 70 year old lady during your walk. The first time you saw her and she said something, how did that go? Do you wave at her? Like, how does this start? Where do you see her? What's the.

[Rolly]

Yeah, yeah, you've absolutely nailed it. So I moved here about a couple years ago now and I was going to check out the neighborhood and there's this gorgeous little area that it looks like Hugh Grant should be doing a rom com there. And I was walking through, everyone was really friendly, lots of families. And this lady was like, she was smiling at me. So like as I walk past the smile back, you know. You do. And yeah, she just fired one off at me. And like. And ever since it's been a daily occurrence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What were you wearing, you little tease?

[Rolly]

Yeah, I mean, I had my miniskirt.

[Jake Johnson]

On and my little boy short shorts. So what did she say?

[Rolly]

I think it was winter in London, to be honest. Probably wearing some pretty thick.

[Jake Johnson]

So what is this? That first day, what did this older woman say?

[Rolly]

Yeah, the first one is one of the only Ones I can really say out, like, without just sort of pacifying it a bit because it's pretty gross. But, yeah, the first one I thought I misheard until it happened so many times, and this became a theme. And so I was walking past her, and I smiled at her, and she said, shit on me.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Rolly]

And, like. And that's become a real. It's become one of the two big themes of her. Like, and for some reason, it only seems to be me, like, in the neighborhood. I've seen her talking to other people. She seems pretty active in the local church. Like, she. She doesn't seem. I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

[Aaron]

She.

[Rolly]

Visually, she probably, unfortunately, fits a few stereotypes to somebody who might fly or something off like that.

[Jake Johnson]

But, like, what would the stereotype possibly be, my man?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God. The pigeon trench coat, Nothing underneath.

[Rolly]

I know. Like, I'd say she seems to look up. Like, if she. If I thought she was in any trouble, I wouldn't, like, phone up and have a laugh about it. But, like. Like, I mean, her eyes a little rough. I don't know. They look like they had an argument a long time ago and they're trying to stay as far away from each other as possible. And, like, I wouldn't say dentistry is number one on her priority list.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, like, she's missing some of the big hits. Okay, so scale of 1 to completely shocked by that, I. That was not what I was expecting.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I wasn't expecting it either.

[Rolly]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Me, no. So, okay, so she walks by you, says, on me, and what do you do?

[Rolly]

So I honestly, I thought I'd misheard that one, like, because it was so. It was. Yeah, it's a little surreal and then. So. But it was made pretty clear, like, the next few times when I went. Yeah, that was something she was pretty into, as well as some other things that were extremely graphic and just very demanding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just to be clear, there are always kind of, like, things she wants you to do to her.

[Rolly]

It's pretty much to her where she wants to do to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. In a really weird way.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on for anybody listening with kids, you know, cover their ears, whatever you want to do, but we gotta hear. So what else is she saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, let's roll.

[Rolly]

I mean, I'm not, like, I. I can't say the exact words because they're not.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course.

[Rolly]

Okay, but do you mind if say, like, sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Rolly]

Like, my one that was yesterday was. Oh, God. Okay. Like. Like, ask me in my dirty sea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my. God, this is a, this is a morning walk.

[Rolly]

This is my, literally like how I start my day.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, this is how we judge London mornings.

[Aaron]

Oh.

[Rolly]

And honestly, I've lived here a long time. It's not been my usual experience.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how often. This isn't happening every day.

[Rolly]

No, it's not. There's. It's sort of like it. I'd say on average with. It's like four or five times a week, like mornings a week. And like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Insane.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, insane.

[Rolly]

There was a good two week period where there was none and it was just glorious. But then she came back with a vengeance.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a question for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She was very material.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. When she says F me and my dirty C, how do you respond?

[Rolly]

First few times I just laughed because it was quite an extraordinary thing to like, they range. But that's pretty much the theme. Like, it's along those lines. And like, and then like the worst thing I did was ask my friends what I should do about it because now this has become, you know, every day. What she said next, like, yes, like they very much wanted to continue on. I'm not loving it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, agreed. I'm split on this one. Personally.

[Rolly]

I, I did once say to her, like, can you please stop saying these things to me that make me really uncomfortable. And she said, you'd love it. You dirty little. You know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, you didn't ask for that one.

[Rolly]

I mean, she's dominating me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's fully dominating you. Does she, like, if you're, if you're trying to kind of walk away from her, does she seek you out?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Rolly]

Yeah. When this was happening, like fairly early on, I was like, I'm a bit numb to it now, I guess, but like, early on I was like trying to really avoid this. Like where I live, you can either go the nice way, which is this little walk, and it's really charming. There's a rose garden, everything. Or if you go the other way, it's just one of the main arteries into the center of the city. So it's madness. So this really is the only nice little way. And like, so I try and mix my roots up a bit or like there's this rose garden it goes through and I was trying to like, go through different ways. But honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

You should be able to walk wherever you want to walk. We are not victim blaming here. You are allowed to take a walk without getting sexually harassed by this weirdo lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And, and like, okay, let. If we're being totally honest, it is absolutely hysterical. But it is a Version. It is harassment.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it. It is like a sexual harassment. I mean, honestly, this woman is sexually harassing you in a park. It's funny because of what she's saying and that she's English and that she says 70.

[Jake Johnson]

So what we're gonna do, Gareth, because we're gonna live in the. Funny. Because of this show. So he wouldn't be calling us if it was a more serious crying when he goes.

[Rolly]

Yeah, because I'm feeling violated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, because you're not.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But that type of call is very real. And that. This is not the place to call for that. This is. There's a lady who is saying, on me. And when you're.

[Rolly]

It's like, she's in the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And when you're saying. Stop it. Stop saying that. She's saying, you know, you love it. So, yeah, we. We are in a situation now. Now it's making sense. I don't think you should change your route. You're allowed to go where she wants. Now, my question about her is, is she. Does she have a home or is she just kind of roaming the area?

[Rolly]

Yeah, she lives in one of the, like, one of the buildings on this really nice square with a rose garden in the middle. I believe she, like, she sort of. She comes in and out of there. I mean, one night. Well, one random thing that happened is I was coming back for some drinks one night at about, I don't know, two in the morning, and it was empty, the streets, and she just was standing there with, I think, sandwiches wrapped in, like, tin, like, aluminum foil, and she was trying to give them to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, this could be my mother.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I'm getting.

[Rolly]

And I mean, I have to say, that feels like that was a.

[Jake Johnson]

So this before I met Gareth. This happened to me with Pam.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, come on. It's just. You don't. You're. If I. I hope everyone could see his face, the way he said it. He delivered it. He's acting. He's acting. Character. We're getting Jake the character.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. 69 with me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it now, buddy. Come on. Now you're at a pitch. Your arms.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm in love with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enough, Rollie. It's very difficult.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a app that we both use on the show that has saved us a lot of money. I'd never used it before they started sponsoring us and I was shocked how many things I was paying for monthly that I was no longer using.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

My first thought is, we need to be a little careful. This woman sounds actually scary. So my first, my first thought was this. Maybe we play the game with her. Like, I used to have a neighbor who would never listen in Atwater. And he would just talk at me. And then what I started doing is as he was talking at me, I would talk at him, and we would have the weirdest conversation of nonsense. And it would. I was just doing it to make myself laugh, where he would literally go, like, you know, my back FR. Fell two feet into your yard. And I'll go, I love salami sandwiches with mustard. And then he would go, well, the winds are coming east to. And everything the other one said was insanity. But it made the experiences more fun for me. What I wouldn't do with this is you could get yourself in a spiderweb that you can't get out of. We might be dealing with, like, a really dangerous character.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I like the idea of maybe just talking about, like, things you have to get from the grocery store over her to sort of drown it out.

[Jake Johnson]

The thing that scares me is the, the cookies in the tinfoil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

It made me think baby reindeer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yes, absolutely.

[Aaron]

I've got.

[Jake Johnson]

Am I, am I out of line to think that we could be okay? Talk me out of that situation.

[Rolly]

I, I, I do like the, like, just waffling my own nonsense right back at her. The only thing is, the one time I did say to her, like, can you please stop? And she just kept saying stuff to me. It sort of made it look like now I. One of my neighbors were walking past. Now I was having a conversation that involved this stuff rather than me just having it said at me sort of.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I get that.

[Rolly]

Like, it sort of seems like Now I'm in vogue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What you could do is just every time it happens, let out a yelp and try to, like. Like it physically has hurt you. And like. Like, if she would just be like, hey, no.

[Jake Johnson]

But I think. But I think she's gonna turn that into. You like it, don't you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here. Here are my pitches.

[Jake Johnson]

Let me throw something out based off of that. What do you think about a handwritten sign that says, stop? This is gross.

[Rolly]

Oh, it again. As much. As much as I love it for, like, her seeing it, I do feel like when I'm walking around all the kids in the playground in the rose garden, it's gonna look like I'm maybe the problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You don't. Okay, okay, okay. Here's what I got.

[Rolly]

Sorry, I don't mean to be a.

[Jake Johnson]

Contrarian trying to find an answer. Tough one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a. Here's my first one. Just say you're a cop. When she doesn't say, you're a cop. I'm a cop. You can't do. I'm off. Try something like that. That's my first one. And the other two I had were kind of nixed out. The other one is AirPod. Just wear AirPods and make sure you're playing something and listening to it when you walk by. And make it very obvious to her that you have them in and that you're listening to something else. Else.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got an idea.

[Rolly]

I wear over the ear head. I wear, like, big over the ear headphones. And that still doesn't. She's not in, like. Not a. No problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hear her through that.

[Rolly]

Oh, I sure can. Yeah. And they're really annoying in the way they let you hear what's behind you. So when you. I walk past her, it's just perfect. Like, here you go.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to go off something because I kind of like the I'm a cop thing. The thing I'm going to pitch off that is. Is maybe film her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, that's good. That's very good.

[Jake Johnson]

And here's what I'm thinking. It's like. And it's gonna be weird at first, but if she goes like, what are you doing? You could say like, I'm gonna report her, and I'm gonna report all this. This is insane behavior or evidence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you don't want to make it too. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think, Ry, when we say that?

[Rolly]

I like that. Yeah. Because when I knew I was gonna speak to you guys, I was like, should I take a picture? But I Felt a bit bad about that, like. Cause I'm not sure how she's doing, but if it's just for her own. So like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I think that's a pretty good idea.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got a weird. I've got a weird turn on this and this could be a mistake. What if you ask her if she's willing to be a subject of a documentary?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you're, I think, over engaging. What do you think, Rolly?

[Rolly]

I. I think that sounds like the start of a Netflix documentary in which I'm found in her sink or something.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right. You're right. I just think she seems like such a character. I want to get that camera on her, but I don't think you're right. Wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The soft version of that is the one you pitch, which is the filming of her people.

[Jake Johnson]

I came in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of the worst things about today is the level of filming everything and everyone. But this is. This can really play to your advantage. I don't think this woman is going to want to be on camera saying some of this. And if she does great for the show, we can hear it. I do think it kind of gives this element now of like, it's not. You're not just throwing this away to me. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But it is the same idea of you are magnifying the bad behavior. So there's another idea going off of that. The idea of like an amplified mic or, you know, like, what about an air horn?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about if you have someone on FaceTime and when she comes up, you show them her doing it, like you're sharing it with another person or have you ever thought about taking a walk with someone else and just seeing if.

[Jake Johnson]

She does it in front of others.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And even pointing her out to that person?

[Rolly]

Like when I'm with my partner. Yeah. So when I walk with my partner, she just says like. Yeah, she just says nice things to her, like, can we be friends?

[Jake Johnson]

This is all just about you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very strange. Well, it's.

[Rolly]

Maybe I'm one of a few. I don't know her world, but it feels like it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, okay, go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if you put a few signs in the park that are almost like, you know, those guitar lesson ones where you kind of can rip off a number for a guitar lesson? How about an email that says, have you been harassed by an old woman in the park, says dirty things to you? Put a few of those up and maybe you get a few people together and you could find a community and Worst case to her, she's like, oh, shit.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you guys could all go there one day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But then there's like, yeah, there's something, you can all go confront her or something.

[Jake Johnson]

I think there's something interesting.

[Rolly]

She lives right on the park, so that's pretty interesting. Yeah, I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Because what you could do is if you got more than five people, you could go outside of her house together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or just take the morning walk together. So she knows that would be a.

[Rolly]

Strange group to get a strange group.

[Jake Johnson]

And then if you guys all saw you had similarities to each other, it would just weirded out too. If you're like, we all wear our jeans in the same way and make you ask questions that you don't want the answers to. I'm really, I like Garrett's things about maybe forming a community, but I'm really leaning towards having your phone out, out. And as you round get near her house, start recording and just put it out. And as soon as she says something, you point it at her. And if she just says, what are you doing? You just say evidence.

[Rolly]

I like that a lot and I think like it, maybe it would be a good way to start with that. And then if that's not doing it, go with the signs. And then it seems like I've started with gathering evidence now, looking for allies.

[Jake Johnson]

Because all she's going to do when she says that is, is nobody wants. Especially if they're quietly doing this to you, they don't want it public.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Rolly]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're just saying there's something happening here goofy that you don't know about. But I'm getting evidence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Rolly]

I'm bringing it to a podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I'm bringing it to a podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you're damn. And that's not an empty threat. You are.

[Jake Johnson]

And so I think there's something to that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so too. If you feel good about that one, I think that's a good start.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Rollie, walk us through your official game plan. And if you're not gonna do it, then we can keep pitching because we wanna get you out of this situation. You should be able to walk.

[Rolly]

I really like those. I think I, I. It hadn't occurred to me to film her. It only been to go to my partner. But I like that a lot. I think that's pretty confronting and I think if that doesn't work, there's loads of signs around that park all the time that people check out. I think that's a great idea too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just start an email address for it and then O.

[Jake Johnson]

You should start an email address for sure.

[Rolly]

But if she gets old with it, great.

[Jake Johnson]

Those texts. Yeah, getting. Getting harassed over email is better than in person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine if she emails about herself like now this is Netflix. I've been harassed by her too. Let's meet at a cafe.

[Rolly]

It's just one person emailed back and it turns out to be her.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you meet her in a parking lot late at night.

[Rolly]

It's her sandwich. And.

[Jake Johnson]

So do us a favor on this one. One, keep yourself safe. Don't go near the fire on this one. And two, will you follow up with us in a few weeks?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh please.

[Rolly]

Yeah, definitely. I really appreciate your.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When are you going to pull the trigger on this?

[Jake Johnson]

Tomorrow.

[Rolly]

Oh well, yeah, I'm guessing either tomorrow, the next day given. Given the odds.

[Jake Johnson]

But just have that phone ready. Cuz what you don't want is you don't want to. After she says on me, you then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hit record, have it rolling in your jacket.

[Jake Johnson]

It's rolling. I would have it out and I would have it rolling 30 seconds before you see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Yeah. Walk by her with it.

[Jake Johnson]

And then if she, if she just says hi, you say hi. But even like whatever, as soon as she says it, you then let her know you got it on tape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's changing. You are to her. Which is.

[Jake Johnson]

And all of a sudden she's going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta find a new guy to.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta find a new target.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me in my dirty seat.

[Jake Johnson]

And what we might do, we might want to do is if she stops harassing you. You've mentioned being up near a park near kids a lot. We might want to put her on blast a little bit and put signs up over as the call number two saying like be careful of this lady. You know, let's just get on the show. Third berg is out. She's our third co host.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We, we love her. She's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

She and host one when we're both too busy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if that's. I mean coming for me. That, that pitch is a little off. It's a little strange. All right, Samantha, no more pictures for a minute. They're all on you.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, well we appreciate it. And follow up with us for real. So you are going to do the camera?

[Rolly]

Yep. Definitely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, let us know.

[Rolly]

Thank you so much guys. I really appreciate it.

[Jake Johnson]

And Rolly, maybe call us before you do the forming a community.

[Rolly]

Oh, can you help me write it? That'd be.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, maybe we can help you write it. We can talk that one now, because we don't want to get you in a danger zone with that one.

[Rolly]

Okay, that sounds good. Thanks, guys. I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank. Bye. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye. Hello.

[Aaron]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Welcome.

[Aaron]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Welcome back to the show.

[Aaron]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we get your name, please?

[Aaron]

It's Aaron.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron. And Aaron, could you remind us what your problem was?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Should we do a clue and try to guess? Jake? No. Yeah, yeah, it could be fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Aaron, can you give us a clue and can we try to guess?

[Aaron]

Sure. It had to do with pants.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, was it a woman whose pants were up her butt and you work with her?

[Aaron]

Oh, that is.

[Jake Johnson]

Good game, G. The clue's fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I mean, reliving this wedgie.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. Yes. So you had a coworker colonoscopy, pulled her sweatpants up her butt, and can you tell us what our pitch to you was? I couldn't. I can't imagine what we would pitch in this situation.

[Aaron]

Well, you said to mention, like something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In the picture, cigarette prices or something, right?

[Aaron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a good pitch.

[Aaron]

Yeah. And then Garrett said something like, put parmesan all over. Taking a picture of a wedgie, giving myself a wedgie or something and bringing it up. Or my wife.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, the way you're talking about his pitch makes sense, by the way, Aaron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's, it's. It's really demeaning the way you had. You had a lot of mustard on Gareth's pitch, and then when it comes to my pitch, it was like a blah, blah, blah, take a picture of wedgie. What I suggested was that you show a picture of your wedgie and you're like, can you believe I'm walking around like this?

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, not a bad pitch, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, tell that to Aaron's attitude.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Aaron, what did you decide to do?

[Aaron]

I will with the first one about the picture, but instead of asking about the cigarette prices, I asked about, like, her shoes, saying, like, my wife wanted new athletic shoes and that's why I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Had to check the.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, will you read the. Actually, do you want to read them, Aaron, or do you want. How about this? You read what you wrote, Gareth, you read the response.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't wait.

[Aaron]

Okay, but I. I don't have it in front of me.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I'll. I'll read you. You read.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Yo. Forgot I took this pick during map, cuz I was going to ask what shoes you were wearing cuz Steph needs new athletic shoes and didn't want to interrupt while you were on the computer entering numbers. What are they?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are from Lululemon. I got them on sale. Let me see what they're called. Man, I was clenching my butt. Wtf.

[Jake Johnson]

Omg. I didn't even notice. I'm dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. Baby, we're back.

[Jake Johnson]

This is an amazing win.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We needed this.

[Aaron]

Yeah, it was. It. It was. It kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, it goes on. It goes on. It goes on.

[Aaron]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then she wrote, go ahead, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were called the Charge Feel Low Woman's Workout Shoe, but I think I got them hella cheap because they aren't carrying that kind. But the Bliss Feel shoes by Lululemon are really popular too. They're not any more expensive than, like, popular Nike shoes, even though they say Lululemon sounds good.

[Jake Johnson]

Was your response link.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Is that it? Is there more.

[Aaron]

Well, there. And then she said more about these shoes that, like, honestly, who cares about these shoes? I don't care about these shoes. And I just kept saying, like sounds good. And then we actually did a project together for the past two days, and she. She. She came up to me asking about if I, like, looked at the sh. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then she's like.

[Aaron]

She said the Lululemon ones, and she's like, didn't you look? And I was like, oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So. All right, so that makes sense. So you got caught in the weeds on the shoes. You always got to remember the main lie. But that's fine. You got yourself out of it. Then you could also say, to a certain point, I passed them on to my girlfriend, or wife. Whatever she is, she's handling it. Now. The real question, and the only thing that fucking matters on this whole call is, how has the butt crack been since this text exchange?

[Aaron]

It hasn't been as bad as that picture, for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brutal.

[Jake Johnson]

But it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is really.

[Aaron]

But they are still just a tad high. And now I got the shoe problem where she's coming at me with those. But I think, oh, so we.

[Jake Johnson]

The butt's still an issue. And now she's always talking shoes.

[Aaron]

Yeah. I think I should probably be able to be like, hey, it's up your butt again. And she'd be fine with it, but she's gonna really keep going on with these shoes. And I just. I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what you can do now? I got a pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go. I got one too.

[Jake Johnson]

Now you can say jokingly, hey, you clenching.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what. What I was going to say is, now you can take pics and go, hey, the clench is back.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but you, Gareth, you don't have to take a pic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, show her. She needs to see this.

[Jake Johnson]

Because now all you have to say is, are you a little stressed? Why? Because you're clenching. And now she knows what it looks like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She does. But, Jake, let me ask you this. What gets you. You to want to get in shape faster? When someone says, you look like you packed on a couple pounds? Or when you see yourself sitting in front of a plate of spaghetti? You have four chins and you're a big fat piece.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, how about this, Gareth? If I was sent this photo once, I wouldn't keep following up with the shoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's very true.

[Jake Johnson]

So we're dealing with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we are dealing. So we are dealing with a wild animal.

[Jake Johnson]

So she. Yes, so she, even after this, is still clenching a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't not. It honestly looks like she's relooking at the picture now as Rob is forcing us to. It really looks like a second crack is almost for like. Yeah, Jake, can I use a term I don't want to use? Yeah, but Gina. It almost looks like a but, Gina.

[Jake Johnson]

Form. Gross.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The fabric has formed a but, Gina. Don't gross me. You laughed.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop.

[Jake Johnson]

So here's where. Here's where I feel we are. I feel like we didn't solve the problem with the pitch. So what we can do now is try plan B. And that is when you see the wedgie and the clinch, just say clinch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I think clench is.

[Jake Johnson]

It's because she wrote it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but it's. She. She wrote.

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't realize I was clenching my butt so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what does she think this is, like a muscular issue? Like, the issue is, why is it rammed up there?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, well, the clenching might be eating the pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks like it's eating. It looks like what a black hole does.

[Jake Johnson]

So I would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All the energy around it.

[Jake Johnson]

I would. Aaron, do you feel comfortable? Next time she's clenching, saying, just FYI, you're clenching.

[Aaron]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Because I think now because of the text and the shoes, you. She told you about the clench and you didn't. So now you could say. Because you brought that up. Now I can't stop seeing it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I. Can I do one more? Yeah, let's. Because it looks like you're. You know, I forget what kind of store this is or whatever, but I'm sure it's the type where if, you know, there's someone who passes bad checks or shoplifts, their picture ends up on the wall. Or something like that. Let's do a picture of this and say, have you seen this clench? And put it in front of where only you and other people who work there can see.

[Jake Johnson]

Now only you and her can see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Only you and her could see.

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, take away her face and everything. So it's literally just a photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's what Rob has, which is horrifying.

[Jake Johnson]

But it's just a photo of the top of her butt to the top of her hamstring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's just. Don't be a clencher.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't be. Yeah. How about. How about. Got clenching issues? Question mark. Dial 1-800-NO-MO-CLINCH.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. What do you think of something like that, Aaron?

[Aaron]

Absolutely, actually.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so we've given you a couple of ideas. One is to get a photo of just the clench, give it to her as a joke, or put it on her desk with something funny on it so you guys could have a laugh where you say, like, no more clenching. Something like that. Two, when she's clenching, bring it up to her and try to make it a little bit of a conversation where that she could say to you, like, hey, as a friend, do I have a booger in my nose? She could be like, hey, am I clench tension? And you go, yeah, why don't you try taking the pants down a little bit? And then she goes, does it help? You go, it helps so much. Because she might, you know, I don't know what my butt looks like. I'm not looking in the mirror from behind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It doesn't look like that. You don't have a butt, Jenna.

[Jake Johnson]

I hope so. But if I did, I would like someone to tell me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. And you would adjust. That's why I would want to say very quickly, the pitch was good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It got her to acknowledge. It's just.

[Jake Johnson]

But now we need to finish it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. For some reason, she was like, shoes are the headline.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So. So, Aaron, we're getting back to the end of this. Tell us what you're gonna actually do here to get yourself out of this situation.

[Aaron]

I am actually going to say, like, hey, hey, Barb, you're clinching. Because we have that kind of, like, funny kind of mentality with each other. That's why she said something about quenching, because she's wild like that. For real. It's funny.

[Jake Johnson]

So why don't we do this? This next time she clenches, tell her. And let's see if it gets it better, because I've got a feeling we've. We've Started to get towards a solution, but it's going to be a multi attack effort. So we started with the photo, but that didn't quite do it. But you said it got a little better.

[Aaron]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Now if we start commenting on it, I think it's going to get a little better. And then last we could put the photo up and say like, don't be a clencher.

[Aaron]

I, I absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I really, I can't. I, I know it's the second time we've, we've been confronted with it, but I can't get over what she's doing back there.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean it is shocking what is going on back there.

[Jake Johnson]

Shocking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like you would really, you can't wear that style of pant and do this and think that this is not visible.

[Jake Johnson]

Shocking. It would ruin my day at work. I, it would if I saw that level of clenching like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is so bad that the nickname clench should be what happens. It's like.

[Jake Johnson]

So then let's define what a clench is. So not just in terms of butt eating pants, but for the language of the show. What is a clench? When you're pushing too hard, when you're, well, pushing against yourself too hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's when you have rammed up there and are flexed. I mean, she looks flexed.

[Aaron]

Yes, absolutely. It's like flexing. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what it is? It's not just a, that she has a wedgie, it's she's tightening her butt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like she's trying to show the strength of her buttocks off.

[Jake Johnson]

She's the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

Turning my thing for now on, wear stretch pants, give yourself a wedgie and flex your fucking butt cheeks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what I was just thinking. If I worked with her, I would be like, this makes the day go faster. Yeah, absolutely. I would be like, what in the actual fuck is happening back there?

[Jake Johnson]

I wonder if the photo of that just the quenched butt should be merch. That is just called the clench. So anyway, Aaron, will you follow up with us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The clinch is great.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you follow up with us? Because I want, I want this to work for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So do I keep us posted.

[Aaron]

Absolutely, I will, guys. For sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Aaron]

All right, bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is, it's, it's unreal.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto helppod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike Animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Sponsor Voice]

In your bread I love you very much my sweet wing I love you, love you, love you I know thinking of you I love you very much oh how I quiet queen always thinking of you I am at your thinking of me too oh now I love your magician your way you're a perfect little cat just for me I want love you I love you I'm always thinking of you and I will be following to oh how high love your m on your w sit to tw shape you I love you, love you love you I always thinking of you I wish I could oh how I love you oh Mrs. Gingerbread you are touch you're my monkey, little monkey, my chunky little monkey which is why I love you so now in the for you.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes.

[Aaron]

Of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward/heretohelpod.

[Caleb Herron]

Hi, I'm Caleb Herron, host of the so True podcast now on Headgum. Every week, me and my guests get into it and we get down to what's really going on. I ask them what's so true to them, how they got to where they are in life, a bunch of other questions, and we also may or may not test their general trivia knowledge. Whether it's one of my sworn enemies like Brittany Broski or Drew a Fualo, or my actual biological mother Kelly, my guests and I are just after the truth and if we find it, great. And if not, no worries. So subscribe to so True on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on the so True with Caleb Heron YouTube channel. New episodes drop every Thursday. Love ya.