156: You Lied To Us! & 50% Off When I Met Him

Summary

Episode 156: "You Lied To Us! & 50% Off When I Met Him"

Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: March 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

In Episode 156 of "We're Here to Help," hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two distinct caller issues, blending humor with genuine advice. The episode navigates through familial tensions over photo displays and the unexpected responsibility of caring for an unwanted betta fish. As always, Jake and Gareth employ their trademark banter and unconventional solutions to assist listeners in navigating their dilemmas.

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Caller 1: Jesse/Brian – "Too Many Photos, Not Enough Family"

Timestamp: [17:41 – 54:40]

Background:
Brian, also known as Jesse, calls from Oakland, California, expressing discomfort over his father's home being adorned exclusively with photos of Brian and his twin sister, Dylan. Since his father's new girlfriend moved in with her three adult children, Brian feels that their presence is unacknowledged in the family's photo collection.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Emotional Attachment to Photos:
   Brian explains, “My dad has moved into his current house filled with photos of my sister and me, but not of his girlfriend’s kids.” This exclusivity creates an awkward environment during family gatherings.

2. Hosts' Initial Advice:

   • Jake suggests a humorous approach:
     [26:25] Jake Johnson: “I would find a zone where you don't like a lot of the pictures and fake a fall to knock him down.”
   • Gareth counters with practicality:
     [26:58] Gareth Reynolds: “I think you need to talk to him and pretend it means a lot for him to clear a wall for his new stepkids.”

3. Involving the Father:
   The hosts decide to bring Brian’s father, Chris, onto the show to address the issue directly. This leads to an engaging and somewhat humorous interaction where Chris defends his photo choices, emphasizing his love for his children.

4. Resolution Strategies:

   • Introducing Aura Frames:
     [36:27] Jake Johnson: “Maybe a gist of her kids’ photos in an Aura frame could replace the old ones.”
   • Community Involvement:
     Brian takes proactive steps by gifting Chris an Aura frame, hoping to integrate photos of his girlfriend and her children.

5. Final Outcome:
   The episode concludes with Chris agreeing to consider rearranging the photo displays, blending sentimental memorabilia with new family additions. This compromise aims to foster a more inclusive family environment.

Notable Quotes:

• [23:00] Brian: “How to get him to give up some wall space for these other people?”
• [43:43] Gareth Reynolds: “We're here to help you and Chris put your heads together.”

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Caller 2: Jesse/Brian – "The Unwanted Betta Fish"

Timestamp: [59:13 – 88:48]

Background:
Brian, referred to again as Jesse, contacts the podcast from New England. He recounts how some mischievous students left a betta fish in his office as a prank. Initially viewing it as a harmless joke, Brian quickly becomes overwhelmed by the inadequate living conditions and the persistent suggestions from students about proper fish care.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Initial Reaction to the Prank:
   Brian describes the situation: “Some students decided to leave a fish on my desk. A real-life fish. A betta fish.”

2. Challenges Faced:

   • Inadequate Setup:
     [60:27] "He needs a filter and he needs a heater and he needs a bigger tank."
   • Community Pressure:
     Constant critiques from students make Brian feel burdened and stressed about the fish’s well-being.

3. Hosts' Advice:

   • Jake’s Suggestion:
     [62:05] “Try to give someone else the fish. Try some of these people.”
   • Gareth’s Practical Solution:
     [63:16] “Put out a sign that says, if you think I'm doing something wrong, bring me your suggestion in physical form.”

4. Adopting Responsibility:
   Ultimately, Brian decides to embrace the responsibility, setting up a more suitable environment for the betta fish. With the help of the community, he upgrades the fish’s habitat, ensuring better care and reducing his stress.

5. Final Outcome:
   Brian successfully transitions from viewing the fish as an unwanted burden to providing a proper home, highlighting personal growth and community support.

Notable Quotes:

• [66:13] Gareth Reynolds: “Sometimes it's not about you, Senior. Sometimes it's about Junior.”
• [66:28] Jake Johnson: “How should you handle being dumped a fish? — Take responsibility and make it the best life possible.”

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Episode Conclusions and Insights

Throughout the episode, Jake and Gareth exemplify the importance of balancing humor with empathy when addressing personal issues. Whether it's navigating family dynamics or unexpected responsibilities, their unconventional advice encourages listeners to take proactive and thoughtful steps toward resolution.

Key Takeaways:

• Communication is Crucial: Engaging directly with family members can lead to mutual understanding and compromise.
• Embracing Responsibility: Taking ownership of unintended situations can transform burdens into meaningful commitments.
• Community Support: Leveraging the help and resources of a community can alleviate personal stress and lead to positive outcomes.

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Notable Quotes Overview:

• [23:00] Brian: “How to get him to give up some wall space for these other people?”
• [43:43] Gareth Reynolds: “We're here to help you and Chris put your heads together.”
• [66:13] Gareth Reynolds: “Sometimes it's not about you, Senior. Sometimes it's about Junior.”
• [66:28] Jake Johnson: “How should you handle being dumped a fish? — Take responsibility and make it the best life possible.”

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Final Thoughts:

Episode 156 of "We're Here to Help" delivers engaging and relatable scenarios, expertly handled by Jake and Gareth. Their blend of humor, practical advice, and heartfelt interactions provide valuable lessons on managing personal relationships and unexpected challenges.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you got the flu, the legit flu, tested and everything.

[Jake Johnson]

Tested, Yep. I got these tests that tell you flu, covet, all that stuff. And I thought I. I was like, I know I hadn't felt good for a couple days, but I really didn't think it was flu bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And then I, like, went to, like, water some plants after I took the test, and then I saw like one in the other column, and I was like, oh, no. And it was flu.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like, and so are you out with the flu?

[Jake Johnson]

This is probably day four of it. But it felt very validating. I was like, oh, yeah, okay. That makes a lot like it. I was like, yeah. Cuz I have felt like, yeah. But I mean, everybody's got something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a crazy era.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. There's just. It is. We are. I don't know, it's not good. But it's also like, I got the flu shot and I. Obviously, since I got the flu, it. It's a miss to some extent, but I feel like it helped me out a little bit.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then one of the things they prescribed, I, like, I was telling my girlfriend about it, and she, like, googled it, and she's like, they might be discontinuing this nasal spray. And I was like, wait, what? Like, this guy gave me a thing. And she's like, why don't you look stuff up? I was like, I did, but I decided to try it anyway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Speaking of, you just have to put faith in others. I got a colonoscopy yesterday.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I gotta get one soon. You got it yesterday, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yesterday. Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, buddy boy. Yeah. And the drugs are good, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The drugs were incredible.

[Jake Johnson]

I heard. The drugs are. We're like. You're like, hey, you want to do another one? Let's do this again in April.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I kind of had. I told my wife after. I'm like, I'm a little less scared of diseases and sickness because I'm gonna lean into the morphine and the drugs.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that what it was? It was morphine?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it was. It was. I'm not going to try to pronounce it, but it starts with a P. And Eric Edelstein told me when we had lunch yesterday, brother. It's what got Michael Jackson.

[Jake Johnson]

It is. That's what the doctor. That's. That's really what. Yeah, I mean, he. He loved it so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I get it. I.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, you need a Conrad Murray. You need a. You need a Conrad Murray to come over every Couple days and just kind of juice you out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I need a guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So you had lunch with Eric after the colonize.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Quite a celebration.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, here's what happened. The prep of it. And, Gareth, you're of age.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I mean, like, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's not I will be. See yourself. It's what your body is.

[Jake Johnson]

I think I have to get one in the next 10 years, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have to get one now. So what would be funny if a doctor said to you. Does the doctor ever say to you when you get there, age, height, weight, and how old do you portray?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I just. I go 35, 6 to 130 pounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he goes, 45, 5, 8, nearly 200.

[Jake Johnson]

Correct. Yes, that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, it is a really funny thing of if doctors went along with how you see yourself. So, yeah, Jake Johnson, 6:2, probably like 38 to 42.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm going, yeah, like linebacker, LSU.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Mr. Johnson.

[Jake Johnson]

Very step up on the scale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very good stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, quiet. Stop talking, please. Just poking you with a stick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I did have a. You know, it was one of those awful moments because you're getting wheeled into the room and it's a machine. They've got so many. They're making so much money sticking these cameras up people's butts. It is one after the other. I felt like a Ford on an assembly line.

[Jesse]

What is it?

[Jake Johnson]

Is it covered in, like, plastic?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The camera, the whole tubing. I'm not watching.

[Jake Johnson]

But don't you, like, like, covered?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you. You think you're gonna keep your eyes back there? It's not a no, but, I mean.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to see it before. I want to see it before. I want to be like. You guys scrubbed it real good from the last guy, right? Can I see What? May I have a look at it? I want to do, like, the Gordon Ramsay Hotel hell, but I want to go through it with, like, a little Q tip and be like, can I get my. Can I get my black light?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, not to be. Not to be an asshole here or, sorry, but can I see what's going inside of me?

[Jake Johnson]

Can I hold all the yards?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, it was different than that. You go in, the prep is so intense.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. You clean yourself out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you kind of wing yourself off in your house in your own little zone?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean. No, my wife had something to do, so I was still kind of. I was just in mid conversation. I'd be like, hey, guys, we gotta finish homework.

[Jake Johnson]

Excuse me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'd be mid. Trying to be a normal person and then just more than racing.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's one day of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two days.

[Jake Johnson]

Two days of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, kind. It's. It's a full 20. It's like. It's really one day of that. But before you're stopping food so you're stopping solids. Like it's a whole thing.

[Jake Johnson]

So. So there's no food really the day before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's. It's low. It's. What is it? It's the. The first thing you have to do is you have to stop eating fiber stuff. So you're eating the weirdest foods.

[Jake Johnson]

Such as this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Such as it's like all. All pasta and like all the stuff you're. You're told not to eat. You're now like literally a doctor says like, feel free to have cookies. And you're like, what is happening here?

[Jake Johnson]

Slamming cookies. And then race out of every room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was eating like, well, I'm doing what the doctor told me to do here.

[Jake Johnson]

Dad okay? Dad's fine, honey. A doctor told him to eat nothing but white bread. That's why he's running up the stairs to poof so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why he's screaming.

[Jake Johnson]

That's why you hear him screaming. And then a water falls out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you the mistake that I made.

[Jake Johnson]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought, you know, in terms of where guys who give advice on this show, I thought you know, like everything. Well, you're kind of first option, so UK the first option. I overthink and then mostly make a bad decision.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a question for you. When would you schedule your procedure? Open schedule all times available. What time of day are you scheduling the procedure?

[Jake Johnson]

First available.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I did. So let's say the first available is 8:30 in the morning. You taking it? Yes, that's what I did.

[Jake Johnson]

Why is that a problem?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a huge problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because the drink you take to clear you out is split in half. Then the first time you drink it starts. By the way, I'm glad you said first because that's what we would have pitched. Somebody smarter would have pitched later in the afternoon.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I didn't know about the drink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the session is this. So the reason we did bad timing is you have to drink a potion. The potion tastes terrible.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a medical. No way they're tossing that word.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what they said. I go to the school. Who did you go to?

[Jake Johnson]

An apothecary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's My doctor's hairy Dr. Potter.

[Jake Johnson]

So you take the drink all. So if you have. You're supposed to do two parts of the drink, what do you do in the morning?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, well, here's what happens on the drink. So the first time that you take the drink is at about like 2:00pm, okay. Day before, day before, which is fine. Right. So then you know what's going to happen after that. You got a few hours where it's pretty intense. Well, guess when the second drink is, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Right before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

How could it be right before a night, all night?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the drink does is it clears you out.

[Jake Johnson]

So what, you do it before bed? 9.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1Am oh, no.

[Jake Johnson]

So like a baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then are you up all night doing the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course you are. Imagine a fire hose.

[Jake Johnson]

You could have done 2pm and then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

9Am no, because then it would have been no. If. Let's say you chose later in the day. Yeah. Then you do it like 5pm, then you go to bed. Then you do it when you wake up in the morning and you go from like 8am Till noon. Then you have the procedure at 3. But, like.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're going in tired, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had about an hour of sleep and I was in another galaxy, but I didn't know what to do. I kept trying to sleep. I would lay down and I'd be like, okay, it's 3:00. It's time for this old bowl to get some sleep. And then all of a sudden, I'd go like, grumble. Beyond grumble. Red alarm. Fire sprint. Yes. Dude. How do. Problem with the timing.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you get to the doctor's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Office if you have to? Well, it. You get. So by the time it's over. So I drank it at 1. By 6:45 in the morning, 7. You know, I was pretty good, but I was definitely nervous in the back of the lift. I definitely had a game plan. Could you, you know, could you please pull over?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when I got to the. The place, the first thing you do when you check in, I was like, their bathroom.

[Jake Johnson]

They know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Well, also then I'm like, laying in the little room. It's not even rooms, it's just divided by curtains.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you could hear everybody else doing their little, like, pre interviews in the other room. And I heard the woman next to me beforehand go, like, I need to go to the bathroom now. I need to go to the bathroom now.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm like, this is the shit wing.

[Jake Johnson]

Wild. So then, okay, so then you go in you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So then you, you know, you get the iv.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're sitting there, I'm like, you pass out? Not yet. No, I don't pass out. I mean, it's not long. They're moving pretty fast, right? And then you. I got. You know, you get in the little gown with your butt out.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. Look.

[Jake Johnson]

Gorgeous. Best. Best possible. Showing your best feature off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, they're made to humiliate.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those.

[Jake Johnson]

They could come up with a way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Make it a side. Make it a side thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It doesn't have to humiliate like a slip. Then they put those little socks on you, too, with grip. And then they.

[Jake Johnson]

You're going to need those to run down our hallways to go shit your brains out of your ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then they wheel you into this little room where it just feels like an office room. Doesn't feel like a surgery room.

[Jake Johnson]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'm like, this is the room.

[Jake Johnson]

Eh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kind of expected more like an, er episode.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where I was like, just four people with gloves on in a room and I'm laying on my side with my butt out.

[Jake Johnson]

Four people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Just like four random people with gloves on. They. And also because of guys our age, Gareth, they were younger than me. Do you.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. That's humiliating in its own right. But do you. Is there an. It's hard for you to maybe have this perspective, but you're a famous guy. Does it. Is there an added element there that they're seeing? The backstage is not awesome. Yeah. It's not a great feeling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

We're big fans.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got recognized in there. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Ah, humiliated. That's some worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That should be off limits, that. They should be like, look, this is la. You're going to see some stars. Not the place for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The guy goes like, I love.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's be Cops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The guy goes like, yeah, I'm a fan of what you do. And I was like, thanks. You're not going to be a fan of what I do in here. I gotta tell you. You're not gonna like this performance. So then you get in the room and they put the little thing on your. The nose. And the guy goes, count to 10.

[Jake Johnson]

The worst.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Deep breath. It's gonna smell a little bit like plastic. You're gonna feel a little warmth on the ivy. And I'm sitting there going like, I don't know about this. I was like, man, I'm not into this. I'm hearing the beep me. I'm like, this isn't my. Next thing I know it. I'm in another room, there's a different nurse above me.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm opening up one eye that's been opened and she's going, hi. Everything okay? And I go, I have no idea where I am. I go, definitely, yeah, definitely.

[Jake Johnson]

You good? Are you good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you good? Is everything okay with you?

[Jake Johnson]

Actually, thanks for coming in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. What can I do for you today? What's your name? How old are you?

[Jake Johnson]

What's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your favorite animal?

[Jake Johnson]

Favorite animal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then, you know, you're not only that, you're hearing all the people next, you're going through the same thing. So there's a 70 year old guy next to me going like, I'm okay, I'm okay. And I'm like. And then, you know, I. I guess one of my eyes was open and the other wasn't because she said, is there any reason your right eye is closed? And I went, I'm winking. I was. Because I'm hitting on you.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm coming on to you, lady. Where am I? What's going on? And why does my tushy hurt so bad?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why is everything wet?

[Jake Johnson]

Why does it sound like someone's jumping in a puddle every time I shift?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everybody enjoy the show.

[Jake Johnson]

We are brought to you by Rocket Money. We love Rocket Money. For we've both saved money with Rocket Money money. I've gotten cheaper Internet because of Rocket Money. I've also the number of. There's so many things that like, they'll be like, hey, sign up for a week because you want to watch one thing or whatever, and then like four months later you're like, oh, my God, no. But Rocket Money does that for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

To Help is brought to you by Alma.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, we here at the show. We'd Love we support ALMA because we recognize that your mental health, your mental health care, however you want to phrase it, is very, very important. You know, when you're going through something, it can feel lonely, it can feel difficult, it can feel insurmountable. But that's what ALMA does so well. ALMA helps you find a therapist that is the right match for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been using ALMA since they started sponsoring us and I found it a very easy way to find a therapist that works for me. I am currently seeing somebody now who has been very helpful. We are trying emdr, which I find a very interesting way and I highly recommend if that is a move you're looking to try.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Brian]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi welcome to the show. We're here to help. We're going to solve your problem. It's been a wild day of calls, so let's keep it rolling. Can we. Can we get your name?

[Brian]

My name is Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse. And Jesse, where are you calling from?

[Brian]

Oakland, California.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, beauty. And how old are you?

[Brian]

31.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beauty.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Well, how are things in Oakland? Good. Feeling good. Happy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Things are good.

[Brian]

I'm nervous.

[Jake Johnson]

What, are you nervous because you're dealing with two of the best problem solvers of all time?

[Brian]

Pretty much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Jesse, I got a question for you.

[Brian]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your favorite band of all time? You like music?

[Brian]

Oh, gosh, I do like music. That's, like, the hardest question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, how about an easier question then? If you had a final meal and you were on death row, what would you eat? That's a hard one.

[Brian]

I was really ready to tell you about animals. Pizza.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tell us about animals then. You're in a wild terrain. You choose it, you turn it. You're being chased by something. You turn around, you see what an. What? The animal you see.

[Brian]

Oh, it's chasing me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something.

[Brian]

You're really throwing me here.

[Jake Johnson]

I was ready for one question you can't plan for. What animal would you be if you could be any animal or favorite animal? That's what she.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that what you were thinking of?

[Brian]

I was ready for it.

[Jake Johnson]

Was the answer hedgehog, Hedgehog or wolf.

[Brian]

So I went with hedgehog because I really don't want a wolf to chase me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Loving the shark. Shark. Shout out Hedgehog.

[Jake Johnson]

Shout out Shark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Somewhere right now, Kevin's got a hedgehog in his living room.

[Jake Johnson]

Somewhere right now, Kevin just with shark and a hedgehog. That was the craziest reveal ever. Where he was like, this is Lamar, our hedge. I was like, what is going on? Okay, Jesse, 31, Oakland, hedgehog chasing you. Wolf. Possibility. What is going on?

[Brian]

Okay, so some background. About five years ago, my dad moved into his current house. And my dad is. And this isn't like a border situation. It's just eclectic and sentimental, but he has a lot of, like, knickknacks and mostly photographs and trinkets, a lot of them from his life, but mostly related to my sister and I and our life and our childhood and everything like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Brian]

Pretty much covering his home, Florida feeling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we. We haven't. We have an image of dad. He loves you. And your sister. Is your sister older or younger?

[Brian]

We're twins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you're twins. Fraternal or identical?

[Brian]

Identical.

[Jake Johnson]

What's her name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool.

[Brian]

My sister's name is Dylan.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse and Dylan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys. You guys really close?

[Brian]

We're pretty close. Yeah. On the other side of the country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's intense. Do you guys have any of that good twin stuff that if something happens to her, you get a sense and you call and she's like, no way. I knew that. You're like, I had a feeling.

[Brian]

Oh, maybe. But mostly, we have always just had some things lined up so that people ask us if we can read each other's minds. We can pretend that we can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Incredible move.

[Jake Johnson]

It's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got. I've got twin daughters. They're fraternal, and they'll pretend. They'll go. We can do twin talk. And then they just talk gibberish.

[Jake Johnson]

It's effective.

[Brian]

We supposedly did have a language.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Brian]

By the time I can remember, I don't know anything about it, but my parents believe that we were speaking before we spoke English.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely fascinating. Truly, it is fascinating.

[Jake Johnson]

I. When I was growing up, I was always so jealous of twin. Like, twins. You were like, oh, this is just the best. Yeah, just your best friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I was a twin. I ate him in the womb.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And. All right, so, Jesse, keep going. So we've got a lot of pictures of you and your. Your twin sister Dylan around the house, floor to ceiling. What's going on? Keep going.

[Brian]

So then, my dad has been dating this woman for a couple of years now and recently, well, longer than you might expect. But last spring, I believe she moved into that house.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Brian]

And this is where the issue kind of comes in, is that she has three children of her own.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's living in a museum, but she's moving into a museum of you and your sister.

[Brian]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it got the most awkward, I would say. This past November, my sister, her husband and I were visiting, and then my dad's girlfriend's children and their partners came and were visiting. So we were all in the house together. It was the first time I was meeting a lot of them. And there is not a single photo of anyone in her side of the family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Is the problem that you feel awkward by there being no pictures of the new part of the family and you want to try to get more wall equality?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I feel like the call should be the new girlfriend's kids.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I agree.

[Jesse]

It's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. You would not hear this from me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's so you, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

You would not. You would not have me calling and being like, I mean, how do we get more pictures of other people on the wall. You'd not hear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd be like, that is not a Gareth call.

[Jake Johnson]

We have this fake Sports Illustrated cover of me playing hockey and we can't figure out where to put it. And these new kids are being kind of about it because they're like, oh, the walls are filled with you.

[Brian]

That's fair. I have sort of an ulterior motive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, first of all, what's your question?

[Brian]

Well, so how to get him to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give up some wall space for these other people?

[Brian]

For these other people? One, because it is awkward being in this environment with them and just acknowledging, like, all of the photos of me. Two, because some of the photos of me are really atrocious and I'd really rather give up that space for photos of them. That's the second motive.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that's clean. That you want to get rid of some of those photos. Who he replaces it with? I've got a question for you, Jesse. Do you really care?

[Brian]

Yes and no. There. They seem like nice people. They should probably have some wall space. And that part of me is like, give her some wall space. But I guess I don't really care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Brian]

Because I'm trying to be better if we're gonna all be in the same place again, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But here's what I'm looking to get to the. The root, the. The center of the call. Because if we're trying to help with two things, sometimes a friend to all is a friend of none. But if we want to get some old photos of you that you don't like off the wall, we could do that. If we want to convince him to put his girlfriend's kids pictures on the walls. I don't know. I mean, I'll tell you this. I never met my dad's girlfriend's family, and he tried to do it, but I thought, like, I'm already grown. So if his point of view is like, well, this is my house. I bought it. She's living with me. I'm not charging her rent. But my walls are for my kids.

[Jake Johnson]

What is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hear what dad's coming from on that.

[Jake Johnson]

What's the age difference between you and the new kids?

[Brian]

They're. I think they range about a guess, like between 21 and 28.

[Jake Johnson]

So they're grown ups, too.

[Brian]

They're grown too.

[Jake Johnson]

So. So we really could try to kill two birds with one stone here. We could try to get the pictures of you off the wall that you don, and we can try to get some pictures of them on the wall in place of that. Okay, this is what I would do. I would do one of two things I would do. You don't feel comfortable engaging the new girlfriend at all, do you?

[Brian]

I'd rather not.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Brian]

I mean, not that I don't want to talk to her, but I don't want to necessarily problem solve with her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Do you want to problem solve with us? That you have good taste, you're smart.

[Jake Johnson]

She hasn't heard the pitches yet. I would, but this is what I would do. I would propose. I would. I would. I would do one or two things. First, crazy pitch. I would find a zone where you don't like a lot of the pictures on the wall, and when he's not looking, fake a fall into it and knock him on the ground.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Couldn't you just pick him up here?

[Jake Johnson]

No, but you got to shatter him. You got to shatter him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're talking about one of the hardest falls. You're talking about going to the emergency room.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's not there. You're faking it. Okay. As if. And Jake's pushing back, throwing them on.

[Brian]

The ground, pretending that I did it without getting in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quick, quick question, Jesse. Does your dad live near where you live?

[Brian]

No. How far away that is Ohio.

[Jake Johnson]

The fall pitch still.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I was gonna say, each time you go to visit, steal one or two pictures.

[Jake Johnson]

Not bad, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's. It doesn't work with Ohio.

[Brian]

Yeah. It'll be a slow game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Like, where does. 15 years later.

[Jake Johnson]

Where does Dylan live?

[Brian]

He's in New York.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And where does the new girlfriend's kids live?

[Brian]

Around the area that he lives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so they're all. So it's only when you guys go there, do you notice this?

[Brian]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse, you know what I think you got to do? I think you need to talk to him and pretend it means a lot to you for him to clear a wall for his new step kids.

[Jake Johnson]

I. I would argue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretend it's emotional. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What you could do is you could say, well, first of all, I don't want to involve. I don't want to pitch sponsors all the. But. Or a frame is a good way. Go ahead.

[Brian]

I hate to do this to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go.

[Brian]

So the one thing I have tried, aside from, like, making little jokes to him about how he needs to make room for Christmas, I bought him an aura frame. I bought him the largest aura frame, and it even matches the frames that he does have in his house. Every picture is framed, like, identically. And he won't give her access.

[Jake Johnson]

He won't give her a He won't let her. Now, this is the next level.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's the best.

[Jake Johnson]

Because this is what I was going to say. What I was going to say, dad. What I was going to say is, why not approach him and go, dad, it's. I think your new girlfriend would really appreciate if you put a couple pictures of her kids on the wall. A woman's intuition is never wrong. I can tell that would do you favors. Or I can tell she's rubbed by this. But we've already kind of confronted this and D is like, no.

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah. I even. I addressed the frame to both of them and I, like, made a little comment in the game that was like, hope it solves the wall issue. And then I was like, you've made sure to let her put photos on it. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what, Jesse? I got a pitch, because this is. This is going to be a different type of one. This is a tricky thing. And what I'm going to ask is we do a follow up and we get dad on the call and we ambush him.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's not a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you think you could convince your dad to get on a call and just do a podcast with us? Maybe we're gonna try to all talk about this.

[Jake Johnson]

I do love him. I love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need. We need to hear from his point of view. We're hitting a roadblock on this because we could pitch stuff like, you're not close enough. Like, I would do kind of what Gareth was saying about the fall into the wall. But what I would do instead is each time I went there, I would steal one of the pictures I didn't like. And because he's a hoarder, he won't remember and he'll look and he'll go, like, are 16 pictures gone? But that has to be within, like, a two month period. It doesn't make. You're not going to fly there to steal a picture.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You're not going to, like, rent an Airbnb for three months in Ohio to slowly pull this off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what I think we got to do is I think we got to talk to dad and get his pov. Did. Did you text him, Jesse?

[Brian]

Yeah, I'm not hearing back from him yet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What'd you say in the text?

[Brian]

What are you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

It's a strange intro.

[Brian]

Well, because it's. This is also my parents, which, if you ever tell someone, can you talk? It sounds very urgent, at least for my generation. And my parents love to send that message. And I've had to train them out of it. So for me to say. Are you free to talk?

[Jake Johnson]

Would feel we're the same generation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what did say?

[Brian]

He's. He's at practice.

[Jake Johnson]

For what?

[Brian]

He's in some bands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's do this. Rob, can we get her dad's info and on our next call, try to get them both on? Yep. And then just wait to air this one until we talk to dad, too.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you feel about that, Jesse? Are you cool with that?

[Brian]

I'm cool with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't have to tell him what's going on. Let's keep it a surprise for dad, but promise it. You can tell him we're not going to ambush him and we're. It's all meant for fun.

[Brian]

You already called it an ambush.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. That was a while ago. We're saying what to tell him. Yeah, of course you don't tell somebody they're getting ambushed.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the whole point of the ambush. Telling him it's not an ambush is a big part of the ambush.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then he loses himself. And then we ambush him.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we ambush him once he feels comfortable. The ambush.

[Brian]

Got it. Got it. Okay, I will start that line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, we'll talk soon then.

[Brian]

Okay, thanks so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Justice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Brian]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome back to the show.

[Brian]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you remind us, because Gareth and I are in the dark here, who you are, what the call was, and where the hell we are on this one?

[Brian]

Yeah. So I'm Jesse. My call was about my dad's home being covered in what I consider an excess amount of photos of my sister and I, and his girlfriend now lives with him and has three adult children of her own who are not represented.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when you go back, you feel a little awkward.

[Brian]

Yeah. Well, there was one time where we, like, all were there together, and it was just very evident that there were lots of photos of me and none of them. And that was the first time I ever actually met them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if I remember correctly, you don't live in the same city as your dad, so it's not an easy. I think the original pitch was slowly sneak stuff on the wall, but you're not there enough. Is that correct?

[Brian]

Right. Yeah, correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so what did we end on? What was our final pitch?

[Brian]

So ambushing dad was the final pitch that we got to. There was a bit, and I've thought about. And. And he's. He's available.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Brian]

So that. That is the plan that we landed on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, explain ambushing. I don't. I don't Remember that ending? Ambushing. Like, we talked to dad. Dad.

[Brian]

Oh, yeah, he's on in a. Wait, what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we talking to dad? All right, keep going.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no, this is big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is awful.

[Jake Johnson]

This is big for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so, Jesse, keep going. I just got an instant stomach ache. All right, now we. So we were going to ambush dad to say, can we get some photos of your new girlfriend's family up there?

[Jake Johnson]

What did we do? What did past us do to future us? We screwed ourselves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Bill and Ted's in a bad way. Yeah, you're Ted.

[Brian]

Well, and there's a part of me that also is like, what are we doing? Because you both raised a good point of why do I care? The point was mentioned. Like, this is not like it would make more sense if the girlfriend's kids were calling in and they were like, there's no photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, that's correct.

[Brian]

Yes. And I have since wondered why I care. You also reflected that it's actually kind of just sweet. And that I think, Jake, you were really on his side. I lost it pretty quickly because you just thought everything he did sounded sweet and like a good dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, yeah, I like this guy all of a sudden.

[Jake Johnson]

Huh? Wait, you just did it again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've switched. All right, keep going.

[Brian]

So, yes, the. He's in the waiting room, and we can ambush him about the photos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, but Jesse, before we do that, I just need. We take a lot of these calls. There's certain things I haven't re. Listened to. This one. This one obviously hasn't aired yet.

[Brian]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walk us through a little bit of backstory here again. So you. It's you and your sister. Your dad raised you. Great guy. What are we calling dad again? What's. I mean, we're going to need his real name. He's not going to know the game of fake names. Yeah, he'll be like, what the hell are you doing, Jim? What's the guy. What's dad's name?

[Brian]

His name's Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chris. So Chris has photos of you and your sister all over the walls. How long has Chris been dating his new gal?

[Brian]

Couple of years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two years, I think.

[Brian]

Two or three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, a few years. Okay. And how many kids does she have?

[Brian]

Three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three. And you're telling me there's no photos of those three kids on the wall?

[Brian]

Correct.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And. And they live together, right?

[Brian]

Yeah. And I bought. I got him an aura frame for Christmas, which Gareth, you were going to recommend, but I had already done that and he won't. At least last I Heard he won't give her control over it. Or like any ability to add photos. And when asked, he will say, well, she knows she can sen me. And. And I might add them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so, because, Jesse, the premise of this show is we're here to help you. You want some photos of. What's his girlfriend's name?

[Brian]

Gil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gil.

[Brian]

Jill with the jank.

[Jake Johnson]

I was going to say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like, gross. She live in a garage in the back. In the back of my.

[Jake Johnson]

Take it easy, Jake. Leave me alone. What's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gil. What's Guild's wife's name again?

[Jake Johnson]

Alice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Alice, that's right. Of Alice and Alice's kids on your wall go.

[Jake Johnson]

Mostly, first of all, it's Gil. And most of all, there's no photos of Alice. But most of the walls are taken up with memorabilia from a long career in broadcasting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all photos of you. Correct.

[Jake Johnson]

It's all photos of me or journalistic moments that I've experienced.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You with Muhammad Ali. There was a bunch. I remember.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a lot of those. There was a lot of those. Yeah. That was from one fight, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You weren't broadcasting it.

[Jake Johnson]

That was the first selfie. Not a lot of people realize that was probably the first selfie. Healthy. I was the only guy taking the camera myself. With Muhammad in the back. Cassius Clay. But I respect him enough to call him Muhammad Ali.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing of you.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I. Listen, you got to be a big guy. Boy, it's really good to be out the box.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's get into this.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. Let's party, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think of Ukraine?

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, you don't want to get me started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we don't. So, Jesse, so we're gonna talk to your dad right now. And the goal is to get your dad to agree to put some photos of J Kids on the wall. Correct.

[Brian]

Or to get this ugly photo of me with a weird hat off the wall?

[Jake Johnson]

Either. Is that what this is all about? Is this all just to combat a weird hat picture?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is. There's always an answer.

[Jake Johnson]

Does he answer the question now, Jesse? Yeah. Shocking. Yes, shocking. This is quite a revelation. So, Jesse, you smoke screened us. So is the real. Is the real heart of this call to remove killed us? Well, it's.

[Brian]

It's both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, our show's humiliating, Garrett. The whole thing is to ask this woman's dad to reveal release. What now we're going to need. Jesse, we need the photo. We need the photo of them.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, we need the photo. We need the photo. A and B. Imagine if we didn't just get that last nugget. I mean, we'd be talking to her dad, like, look, she's really. She really cares about second family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What if we get an aura frame just for your girlfriend's kids? Would you be open to that, Chris? Well, Jesse's just like, I know where you could put it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Wasting time. Wasting time. Boring. Boring. There's a terrible photo. Really fast. Before we get your dad on, Jesse, will you explain what the photo's all about with why you want to get rid of it? What is the photo? Let's just all visualize it together.

[Brian]

Yeah. So when I was 18, so it's an old photo, I'm 31. I did a senior photo shoot. But, like, the photographer I did it with would do two photo shoots at once. So you went to, like, several different locations. But. So this other girl was there that I didn't really know. Like, we went to the same high school, but I didn't know her. And she had this, like, fedora, and it was not anything I personally ever would have worn, but the photographer, like, really got on this kick that this one area and my outfit and this girl's fedora, like, needed to be combined. And so the photographer had me pose with the fedora and I'm like, holding the brim. I'm like, holding the brim of the fedora and, like, looking up. It's like a very posed, awkward, and it's something I never would wear. And he has it printed and framed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God, this is good stuff, Gareth. This is a great find.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I mean, listen, she floated it out there. It's just. You gotta get your nose on. But I think. Okay, well, I think that on. Well, first of all, let me just say this very quickly. That's why you don't take a picture you don't want to take. And you. I've seen you do this. I've seen you do this where it's like you're not going to say something if it's not, because then they have it. Don't give them the can and f.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, do the one thing where you hate really fast. And then we won't use it if we don't like it. Yeah, you won't use it if I don't do it.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not going to tell the editor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. Okay. Yeah. Let's bring Chris in and let's. Are you feel ready to go?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Jesse, you. When we bring your dad on, I want you to start talking and explain everything. You comfortable doing that?

[Brian]

Oh, gosh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or do you want us to do it? What do you prefer?

[Jake Johnson]

Just.

[Brian]

Can we do it together?

[Jake Johnson]

We're here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can. That's our job.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. Yes. And all right.

[Brian]

And I just sent the photo. We're bringing in her dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we see the photo?

[Gareth Reynolds]

If. Once we get it. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Once we get.

[Jesse]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here he comes. Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello, Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you? Good. Thank you for joining our podcast.

[Jesse]

We're here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Jake Johnson. This is my guy, Gareth Reynolds.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi, Chris. Big fan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you a fan of, Gareth? The walls and photos does.

[Jake Johnson]

I love Chris's whole thing. I think Chris is a great guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Big fans.

[Jake Johnson]

Big fans. Everything we hear, we love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so do you. Chris, do you know any reason why you're on this podcast today? Or has your lovely daughter filled you in or. No, she has not. Other than she did mention it has something to do with her sister. Oh. So I want to start by saying this. The stakes are very low. This is not serious news. You got nothing to worry about. Okay, good. So take all the anxiety down. We're going to be at a one on this one. This is going to be as small time as it gets, my man. So that's good. Well, I know if I was. Me too. If I was on one and my one daughter said I have news on the other one, I'd be like cooler with your small talk and tell me what's happening. Yeah, I'm telling you, the end of this, you're going to go. That's ridiculous. Welcome to the show. So, Jesse, you want to start filling your dad in a little bit about what's cooking here.

[Jake Johnson]

Here?

[Brian]

Yeah. So it's not about Dylan. I lied to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is about she's assassins.

[Jake Johnson]

She. She's. She's done that to both of us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the first time she's ever lied to me.

[Jake Johnson]

Agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it isn't, dad. No, it isn't, dad. Agreed, Chris. Hey, you just fell for it for a lot of years, my guy. Okay, so keep going, Jesse.

[Brian]

It's about the fedora picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, keep going, Jesse.

[Brian]

It's about this 13 year old picture of me in somebody else's hat that needs to be taken down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what would you like it replaced with, Jesse?

[Brian]

Well, I will. I did try to come on here and pretend that maybe I'm a better person than I am. Is that it could be a photo of Jill's children, but really it just could be anything else of Jill's kids. So that they can be represented.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Chris. Okay, Chris, we're gonna fill you in on how your daughter lied to us. She called in. And the original.

[Jake Johnson]

The first time she's ever lied to us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we've got that in common. The original premise of this was my dad really loves me and my sister, and his house is covered in photos of us, but not of his girlfriend's kids. And I think there should be some of them. And we.

[Jake Johnson]

So we spent. We spent an episode, some of the episode, trying to solve that problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe she could take a picture down and replace it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we were pitching an aura frame. We love aura frame. We were pitching aura frames. Maybe a gist of her kids. There was some odd pushback, if memory serves. But anyway, we're in what we call a follow up. So this is like the second call. And we knew that. We knew very early we were going to talk to you today. So we were kind of, you know, prepping to tell you what's going on. As we nudged. I wouldn't even say push.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you say? No, I wouldn't say push.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse slowly and subtly revealed that what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The call is really about, that this.

[Jake Johnson]

Picture that she's pitching, this aura frame, could probably go in the spot where there's this ugly hat picture that she has hates. And slowly, with a little more digging, we discovered that the magnanimous gesture of putting pictures of Jill's kids on the wall was maybe not what this was about, but we just hate that goddamn hat picture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're going to. You, dad, what do you think about the weird Fedor hat picture? What do you think about retiring it? Now it's your turn to talk. Chris, I'm a big fan of that picture. Honestly, I. I don't know what her issue with it is, but she did. She did mention it when she was here, and. But it's been very near and dear to my heart. Okay, that's nice to hear. And so you're saying. Right, and so what's that?

[Jake Johnson]

We've got the picture ready. Maybe now's a good time to look at it. Yeah, we could maybe weigh in with our opinion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Hold on, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're seeing the photo. This will be on the social.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's definitely a photographer's choice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But also, Jesse, what is that facial expression? It feels like the sun's in your eye.

[Brian]

I didn't want to wear the hat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I'm gonna be. Yeah, go ahead, Garrett.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna be honest. It's worse than I thought. I I'll be honest. I, I, when she was describing it, I sort of thought she had it at chest. Was holding it it. So you're actually wearing it with a jaunty top of the morning to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but, but you have a stomachache. It feels like you ate something bad.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And your stomach is not in a great zone, but you go like. But before I run to the bathroom, let me take this quick pick.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, dad, what do you love about this photo? This is near and dear to your heart. What do you love about it? And then we're gonna let you talk, Jesse.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I wish I had it in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My hands right now so I could, like, go details. So it's the. It's a plaid store cap. Yeah, I got you. It's just, it's your girl. You love her and she looks beautiful and her eyes stick out and I don't know, I just have always liked it since I first saw it. By the way, Jesse, I'm back to I like this guy. What a dad.

[Brian]

What a winner coming on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's tough, but let's go to Jesse for a second.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay? Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Jesse, why do you hate this pick?

[Brian]

Is just a lot of better I can answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Gareth, why should she hate this pic?

[Jake Johnson]

It's the jaunty tip of the weird fedora. It's like you can tell she's in discomfort with this proposition from the photographer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you know what we're gonna do, Gareth? I have an idea, if everybody's comfortable with this. Chris, do you mind if Gareth pretends to be your daughter for a second and sees if he can convince you to take that photo off the wall? Well, that's kind of weird, having a guy try to convince me he's my daughter.

[Jake Johnson]

Chris, believe me, once I get into character, you're not going to feel weird about it. You will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll feel worse.

[Jake Johnson]

Please, Jake, Please. Jake will probably try to jump in as a landlord or something that's his. Can I ask one question before we start, Jake?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Do we have any more pictures from this session?

[Brian]

Just tons.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. All right, great. All right.

[Brian]

Okay, I'm ready to start with the hat or without.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without the hat.

[Brian]

Tons. Without.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Brian]

Unfortunately, about five more with the hat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so then, Chris, at the end of this, when you have the thing with Gareth, we're going to ask you what your final decision is.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay? Okay. Hey, dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, it's me, Jesse. Your daughter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your voice has changed.

[Jake Johnson]

Matt. Listen, life's changed, dad. And that's kind of where I'M headed with all this. I love the aesthetic of your home, first of all. And I think it's great what you and Jill have built here. I just love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, it's me, Jill. I would speed this up, honey.

[Jake Johnson]

Quiet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a follow up.

[Jake Johnson]

I understand. Jill. Relax. What did I tell you, honey?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna go back in the sauna.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, go back to the sauna. Or not, honey. Dad. Ge. Whoops. That was bad. Listen, the. The picture of me with the fedora on the wall. I don't love it. It makes me look awkward. I don't like that. That's. Maybe if someone comes to your house their first introduction to who I am. I'm not a fedora person. I was wondering if you could replace it with a different picture from that shoot. Maybe one without the fedora. Maybe you and I could pick it together and it would be nice to go through all those old pictures before you answer, Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you would love to do that. I was gonna say before you answer. More to it before you answer because you're right there. Jesse, will you do a quick pitch to your dad now asking him to replace that picture? The reasons why and maybe a solution.

[Brian]

I feel like I could do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Brian]

And I've already lost myself where if he likes the photo that much, maybe it just gets moved with different less prominent shelf or it stays. I don't know. I'm losing my own argument.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, no, I. It's important to you. So I think. Listen, your dad sounded open to something like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We had it Dad. I was just trying to give you the way dad had already said to fake. Jesse, that sounds wonderful. We could pick one together. Dad could still keep this picture in his room or someplace else. I can. I can always move it to my studio and I would be happy to do that because then I can still see it and you don't have to be embarrassed when the rest of the world who is never here anyway and comes to see it mean that I like the picture too. Because it's a picture that my mom had all the way up until she passed and that's where.

[Brian]

Oh well, now I really lost my argument.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100% with Chris.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not only do you keep the picture, Chris, I think you should blow it up and make a wallpaper and cover all your walls with it.

[Jake Johnson]

Over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Correction 100% over.

[Jake Johnson]

Correct your third.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your next arm tattoo, Gareth, is going to be this by the way. Any. We're here to help fans who have read, written and you have had some. What should I Get tattooed. It should be this picture we've got.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, Jake. No, Jesse, that's not gonna happen for the right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been waiting for the right first tattoo my whole life. Get it right.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Jake, you just showed so fast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, this is.

[Jake Johnson]

This is what I would pitch. Why don't we. What about this as a last ditch pitch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

What if we get another aura frame frame. And we put in there a number of pictures of Jill and her kids. And in the aura frame we put this image as well so it's on a rotation or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's another pitch. Chris and you. Then you decide what you want to do because your daughter has made it very clear. If your final decision is you keep the picture where it is. I think Jesse's fine with that. But what about if we move that picture with the hat that to your studio and then we replace it going back to the original call with a photo of maybe all five kids. Then next time Jill and her sister in town, you guys could do a fun silly one where all the five kids get together wearing fedoras. What about that? All five of the kids doing that pose.

[Jake Johnson]

And that goes on the trauma fedora.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Callback back and this one goes in the studio. What do you think of that? I think it be a great idea. I do too.

[Jake Johnson]

From all of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A top of the morning from all of them.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse, the weirdest contract in the world sits before you. Your father has signed it. Will you also put your John Hancock on this paper?

[Brian]

He's going to do the Irish accent.

[Jake Johnson]

That's my fault. Now that's. That's on me. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, Chris did it.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. He just.

[Brian]

Yeah, he likes to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think? Jesse, are you gonna sign this? Is this gonna be our weird bell ring?

[Brian]

That can be the weird bell ring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gonna do it. Okay, great. Then can you do something more sick.

[Brian]

In the new one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Jesse, you have to do this then for the show. You've gotta run point on this. When's the next time you're gonna be with your dad and see him?

[Brian]

He wants to know the answer to that question too. I don't know. It's gonna be a while. While. It'll be a long follow up. I mean, we're across the country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's true. That's true. Okay, so then what we'll do is we'll plan for the final follow up after you guys get together and you guys all five do that photo.

[Brian]

Sounds good.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse. Jesse. Jesse. It's called we're here to hurt for a reason.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chris, are you happy with this? I'm very happy with that. I would be even happier if it happened sooner rather than later.

[Jake Johnson]

It feels like Chris called the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm with Chris now.

[Jake Johnson]

I know you've completely jumped, Jesse, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse lied to us. In the middle of it. She said, I don't even have my argument anymore.

[Jake Johnson]

There were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got to find the winner here.

[Jake Johnson]

There were some missteps, and I think a big one was when you revealed that this call was actually about the fedora picture. We didn't have a lot of lead up to figure this one out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Jesse, you're an absolute winner. Chris, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Seem to have a. A lovely family.

[Jake Johnson]

See each other soon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please follow up with that photo of 5 Jesse. It will be so good.

[Brian]

Okay. Thank you so much.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We appreciate it.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be moving the picture upstairs today. Okay, great.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, what the hell, Jesse, he wants to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's upstairs.

[Jake Johnson]

Just a little consistency is what we're looking for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah, whenever I'm looking to travel, I do use booking.com to find my hotel. I find it to be very easy and very helpful. I went to New York. I went to San Francisco. Most recently, I went to Portland. And I used booking.com to make that trip easy, or I should say to make those trips.

[Jake Johnson]

I go to booking.com. i go through the search engine. I find exactly what I want. I'm using the booking.com app. I'm all over the place, baby. I don't know why I said, baby. There are many search engines, ways to figure out if you're looking for a hotel or a vacation rental. They're throwing options your way. That's why we say booking that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

With such vigor, because we believe in it. I right now am in a van in Oklahoma City, and I'm not kidding. And you're like, garrett, that sounds pathetic. Well, it does, because I went out of my way to use booking.com and I'm so excited at the place I'm going to after the show because it's got a kitchen, it's got two bedrooms. For me and the people that I'm traveling with, it. It truly just makes it easy. You know, what you're getting. I can't tell you how many times. If a club books my place, I'm like, what. What is happening here? What year is this hotel from? There's one elevator that's out of order. One's not. You know what I mean? It's just, it's tough. But that's not gonna happen when you use booking.com. so I'm telling you, you could find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to help is sponsored by hungryroot. Hungryroot is a very easy and stress free way for me to get groceries as opposed to ordering groceries or going grocery shopping. It comes straight to your house. The food is healthy, it's delicious and it is easy. I am a fan of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, Hungry Root is just a less stressful way to get groceries. A lot of times, like I'll be trying to eat healthy. You know, I try to eat so many veggies, vegetables. But then you're at the store and maybe your mind starts drifting and you're like, maybe I don't need to eat vegetables. You need to eat vegetables. You are a grown human. What are you, a child? This isn't big. Be it. Be an actual human. So what I love about Hungryroot is they do all that for you. You pick what you're after. Hungry Root does it all for you. It's like having a personal shopper and a nutritionist all wrapped into one. Speaking of wraps, they have wraps. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box plus free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com here to help and use code here to help. That's hungryroot.com here to help code here to help to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. That's hungryroot.com here to help code here to help this episode of We're Here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello. Welcome to the show.

[Jesse]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you?

[Jesse]

Good. How are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[Jesse]

My name is Brian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian. Brian. Where are you calling from?

[Jesse]

I'm gonna be vague. I'm. I'm calling from New England.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian, I'm gonna ask you really quickly. Are you okay?

[Jake Johnson]

Are you on the run?

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm a little stressful. Well, so we weren't gonna do the call, and then I. I was like, oh, okay, I'm. I can let my guard down. And then two seconds ago, I got the email like, oh, we can squeeze. We can squeeze in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're back.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'm a little frazzled. I'm sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm. Baby beef razzle. Be frazzled. What do you guys. Let's just jump right in. What? You take over. Let yourself run wild. What's this? What's the problem? Where are we at?

[Jesse]

All right, so here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

I.

[Jesse]

So I. I'm sitting in my office. I work at a super small community college in New England. As I said, I work in, like, athletics and student life. So I got, like, students around all the time. Like, stopping in my office. Like, most my day is just hanging out, chatting with students, which is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fine.

[Jesse]

A couple of these students decided that they're gonna, of, like, leave a fish on my desk. A real life fish. A beta fish. Like, you know, the ones that come in the little cup?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So they thought it was. They thought it was a funny prank. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of clever. Which is fine. But then I'm like, okay, now what do I do? Like, you guys taking this back? And they're like, no, it's your fish. You got to take it. So my problem is now I have this fish. And I mean, I did some research. I'm like, okay, I can handle a beta fish that comes with a cup. It can't be that hard. I. I did a quick Google search. Says, get a little fish tank, it'll live, and you feed it food, and it's fine. The problem comes in. Apparently our college here has all these fish experts, and everybody now that comes to my office is Telling me that I'm mistreating this fish, and it needs to have a filter and it needs to have a heater and it needs to have a bigger tank. And, and I didn't even want this fish to begin with. So I'm like, now what do I do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fundraising?

[Jesse]

Do I let it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fundraiser.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. Great opening pitch to all these people who are giving you community notes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Community.

[Jake Johnson]

Just let them know. Throw a little money in the till. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I would say, I go ahead. You go ahead, Brian.

[Jesse]

Well, I, I thought about that. I thought about putting a suggestion box, and I would have it go straight to the trash because my trash cans are out there. Because I, I, I think I'm just more annoyed with them. And there's just so many ideas. Ideas. And it's, you know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

I've, I, Brian, it sounds like you're at the end of Goodfellas with this fish. Like, you sound like you are spent on this whole fish experience. You know what I would say, Try to give someone else the fish. Try some of these people.

[Jesse]

I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What happened, Brian?

[Jesse]

Well, there's just, I'm pretty sure I know who gave it to me, and I tried. I'm like, hey, can you take responsibility for this? He's like, oh, no, I don't, I don't know. I, I don't know. I, I've tried everybody that comes with suggestions. That's my first thing. It's like, do you want it? You can have it. You can have all of it. You can have the tank, you can have the little rocks. You can have all of it. But I, I, it's not a bad idea, but I just can't get it. I don't have any takers. I've tried.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian, here's what I think. I think you're stuck with the fish. I think. I know, I know it. But here's what I would say we're not going to do. I don't think it's take your suggestions and shove them up your ass. Right. But here's what. But, but, but I'm like you in that if someone's given me a suggestion without, and then I don't need to hear it. So what I would do is I would put a sign out front that says, suggestions are like, everybody has one and they stink. And then I would write, but if you think I'm doing something wrong, bring me your suggestion in physical form, and I'm happy to put the fish in the tank that you provide.

[Jesse]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because if somebody comes and goes you need a filter. Get out of here. If they go, I bought you a filter, then you go install it. Now it's got one. Okay, but this is a community project. I'm not going out and buying a filter and figuring it out. If you want rocks, get the rocks.

[Jake Johnson]

The, the, the opinions are like, assholes. Is, is a strong start. What if you did what's called like a fish razor and you. That sounds like we're cutting the fish, but a fish dash razor where you put on there almost like people have those like Amazon wish lists where you put the things that you're looking for, like a registry. And these are things that the fish, you didn't want the fish, you've ended up with the fish. Fish. Here are things you're told the fish needs. And put a little. Oh, gosh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So we got. So the, we have a photo of the fish and it's just in like, it looks like a little thing.

[Jesse]

I did move it. I, I didn't. Yeah, that's what it came in.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

And actually I sent that because it was 50 off when they bought it, so I think it was already on its last leg. Okay. But, but I have it in a bigger tank now. I did put it in like a, I don't know, a 2 gallon or 1 gallon tank. It's like a little bit bigger than that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you're getting suggestions of what you should do with it, right?

[Jesse]

Oh, yeah, lots of them. And they're worried it's sick. They're like, oh, it's got fin rod. It's. I. My biggest worry is like, if I keep ignoring him, I'm going to end up with a protest on campus. They're going to call Peter or something.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, there's a couple things. One, you know, I understand being like, your fish's skin is rotting. Let's try to, let's try to make a U turn on this situation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, my man, it's dying.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's dying. So let's save Brian. Have you named the fish?

[Jesse]

Well, no, they put a name on it. They put my name in junior on it. So they're calling it Brian Jr. Brian Jr.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Steve Berg, friend, the show has a cat named Steven Jr. Which I've always loved. I think that's great. I would say, listen, outside of the worry that you're going to get a protest over this film fish, I would say, why don't you try to make the fish a thing? That is not going to be a problem for you by doing something where you are asking for these certain things, you could post a picture of Brian Jr. I would say lean into the. Brian Jr. Yeah. You know, put up a couple things around that explain what's going on. You don't know how to take care of a fish. Someone just gave you a fish. But you are. You are where you are now. You want the fish to be okay. Okay. These are the things you need. If anyone has them or can acquire them, that would be appreciated. That way, you kind of COVID your bases either way. But I think we're all rooting for Brian Jr. To turn the corner but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One more time, really fast. Brian, what is the specific question again?

[Jesse]

Well, I guess my specific question is, I mean, it really is just like, what should I do with the fish? Because in my mind, I'm like. Part of me just wants to, like, flush it and, like, be done with it because it's literally sitting on my. Sitting on my desk. But then, yeah, I know I get in trouble and.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, and more do.

[Jesse]

I do. I do. I do. I invest in. It's really not that expensive. I mean, we're talking like 25, 30 bucks for like a tank and a filter. But more of it is in my mind. It's the principle. Like, I didn't buy this fish. I didn't want this fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But let me ask you a question, Brian. What do you actually need for. Because so the. There's a bunch of kind of side streets on this. It's. People are given suggestions. You don't know what you want to do with it. Do you kill it? Do you give it to somebody else? So our pitch to you is just get it a nice cage and a nice little tank, nice filter filtering system, a couple of stones at the bottom, one of those little treasure chests so it could swim around. Make it a nice little environment for it. The little guy's probably going to die soon anyhow, but let him have a nice run. Now, is that. Is that answering the question of what you're looking for? Because then if it's a question of the money, we can look, I could Venmo your money for that.

[Jesse]

No, it's. It's not that. It's more the principle. Like, again, I go back to, like, I didn't want this fish to begin with, but I do. I. I don't disagree. I think you're right. I think I probably just need to, like, suck it up and. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I would. I would lean responsibility for the fish.

[Jesse]

That I didn't want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would lean in. In. And I wouldn't Just like I would lean in and give Brian Jr. The greatest life possible.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Make it a community fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe we get community fish. Maybe get. And then I would. You know what, why don't we do this, Brian? Why don't we come up with an email you could send to the community? Do you have a community. Do you have a, an email list you could send out?

[Jesse]

I do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's do this do. It'll be a photo of the fish. Then you, you write, Brian Jr. Has been dropped off at my house or dropped off at my desk. He is without parents, he's without a home. I, I have decided out of the goodness of my heart to be Brian's father. I am a first time fish owner her and I am lost. If anybody has an old tank at home, please bring it in. If anybody knows how to set up a filter. If anybody has any stones or they want to bring something for his, for his tank, please donate immediately. The bigger the tank, the more toys, the better. Brian's a sweet little fish and he deserves a great life. Let's as a community, community, give Brian Jr. The life that Brian Jr. Deserves.

[Jake Johnson]

And then sign it Brian Senior.

[Jesse]

That's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's pretty good.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's a great letter. I think that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I accept it immediately.

[Jake Johnson]

I would put a picture so that people can see that maybe he needs the help.

[Jesse]

Put a picture of him in his small tank. That's exactly into that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A little bit willing to accept old tanks. Tanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's probably somebody there who's like, I had a bunch of, you know, I had iguanas, but I don't use it anymore.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, guess what?

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fill it with water.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'd be great if Brian Jr. Was in a massive tank.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Jesse]

Well, this is my office. Isn't that big guys?

[Jake Johnson]

Brian, we're getting a bit of tank now. Just get, get in the passenger seat. Let Jake drive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Brian, what do you think of, what do you think of a letter like that going out?

[Jesse]

I, I think that's a good idea. That way I. That way at least I'm not like, I'm not annoyed with the situation of like going out and buying a tank that I used to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's do this, let's do this really fast. Can you pull up on a screen and start writing an email? Yep.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I started before, but you're talking way too fast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. But then I wanted to go, I want you to actually write it.

[Jesse]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And just as you're writing it Say it out loud. We'll get a sense of it. And then make sure you attach the photo and then, then send it off, see what happens.

[Jesse]

Okay, Got it. So we got. Brian Jr. Has been dropped off at my desk. He has no parents, no siblings. He's all alone. Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Jesse]

He needs actually say he's. He has no house, no home. Also no parents, no siblings. No.

[Jake Johnson]

He's a foster home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got nothing.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you've decided he'll be yours?

[Jesse]

Yes, he's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I decided he'll be ours.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I've decided.

[Jesse]

Oh, there we go. Y.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is.

[Jesse]

He needs a proper home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He needs a proper home from this community.

[Jesse]

From this community. I've decided he will be ours. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Show does make the deal. So sometimes if you have.

[Jesse]

If you have any of any fish equipment. Fish. Fish related.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fish related items. Yeah, fish related items, by the way. Fish related.

[Jake Johnson]

House related housing, I. E. A bigger tank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A tank.

[Jake Johnson]

A Filters, stones, heaters, that weird little. Yeah, the net thing.

[Jesse]

Okay. I tank, filter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then I would put something in there and then you could just write. Etc. Yeah, then I would write. In the past few days, I've gotten to know Brian Jr's story and he has not had the easiest journey.

[Jesse]

Gotten to know Brian Junior's story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he deserves a great ending. He.

[Jesse]

He was 50. I should say he was 50% off when I met him.

[Jake Johnson]

That's great. That's great. Excellent title.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excellent. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good.

[Jesse]

Okay, I think. I think I got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear it. It.

[Jesse]

All right. Brian Jr. Has been dropped off at my desk. He has no parents, no siblings, no proper home. He's all alone. I've decided that he will be ours. He needs a proper home from this community. If you have any fish related housing that you would be willing to donate, I. E. Tank, filter, heater, rocks, please let me know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, please donate immediately.

[Jesse]

Lee, Donate immediately. Okay. In the fat. In the past few days, I've gotten to know Brian Junior's story. He was 50% off when I first met him. He's had a tough life. Let's. How do I. Where do I go from there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's make.

[Jesse]

He's had a tough journey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's had a tough journey. Let's make this second half of his life glorious. Gareth, what do you think?

[Jesse]

Life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jesse]

Glorious.

[Jake Johnson]

I would. I would also make sure you attach the picture and you could even say the beginning, you know, meet Brian Jr. Yes, he was dropped off at my desk.

[Jesse]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think that's right.

[Jesse]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got It. And then I would write, time is of the essence. We don't. We don't know how long we have with this sweet, sweet boy. Please donate immediately.

[Jesse]

We have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Before his life is 100% over.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, I don't think we need that last part. Okay, Starting to turn ransom.

[Jesse]

Sweet, sweet point.

[Jake Johnson]

It's getting a ransom tone.

[Jesse]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jesse]

You got it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Sincerely, Brian.

[Jake Johnson]

Sincerely, Brian. Senor. That's right.

[Jesse]

Sincerely, Brian Senior.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then, you know, you attach the photo and send it to. And then you could write. They all know. Everyone will know where to donate it, right?

[Jesse]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can just. I mean, they'll know where the email came from, so they know where my office is on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just. Yeah, I would say just donate it here. You could leave it outside or inside and. Yeah, I think we're in good shape.

[Jake Johnson]

I do too.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I think so. I feel good about this.

[Jake Johnson]

At least.

[Jesse]

I feel like.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm like. You sound confident. You sound less stressed out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You sound calmer.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I am. I am. I feel good about this.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Brian, send the email and let us know what happens. Yeah, we're definitely in Brian Jr's corner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, a hundred percent.

[Jesse]

All right, I'll. Yeah, I'll make sure that you guys get a copy of the email that goes out so you can get the picture in the full effect. Somebody steps up to the plate, I think they will.

[Jake Johnson]

And you too, a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take it easy. We didn't need that.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not nasty. He's talking about flushing it four minutes ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's not going gonna.

[Jake Johnson]

I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's desperate.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Brian Senior. Thank you.

[Jesse]

Yeah, thanks, guys. Have a good one. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Jesse]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi there. Welcome. Welcome back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Welcome back to. We're here to help. We know you're a follow up, but we don't know who the hell you are. So could you remind us who you are and what your call was and all that good stuff?

[Jesse]

Sure. So. So my name's Brian or. Or Brian Senior. And I had some. Some students that dropped a fish off in my office. Just left him another.

[Jake Johnson]

You were the man who. Who hated the fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Been burdened with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Senior, I've been thinking about this one. Will you walk us through the situation again? Even though we might attach it, it's always nice to kind of recap and then what we advised and what you did.

[Jesse]

Yes. So the situation was I work at a small college and some. Some students just decided to drop off a betta fish that they got for half price at a Pet store. Apparently they had a 50% off discount thing on it. They just dropped it off my office and I, I thought I could do the right thing. And I got a little container and I had them in a little bowl. It was a reasonable size bowl, I thought. But I had a. Then I did a bunch of students just felt like I wasn't taking good care of the fish and I KE getting students that would stop by and giving me a hard time and hassle me about. He needed a filter and he needed lights and he needed a heater and all kinds of stuff like that. So that was where it started. And so you all, you guys suggestion was to kind of put it back at the community and say, hey, this fish needs a proper home. So let's, let's see if we can, let's see if anybody wants to like help out and go find a container for all that stuff. So that's, that's where we were.

[Jake Johnson]

We emailed everybody this suggestion and request.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, we did that.

[Jesse]

We sent it out to the community. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we sh. Out to the community. Yeah.

[Brian]

I have his email if you want to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wasn't this the Katie Nolan one?

[Jake Johnson]

The same day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we didn't do it. Okay. We wasn't with her. Okay. Okay. So Gareth, you mind reading it?

[Jake Johnson]

Hi folks. This is the email I just sent out. I'll keep. Oh, this is your setup? Okay, here we go. Meet Brian Jr Brian Jr has been dropped off at my desk. He has no parents, no siblings, no proper home. He's all alone. I've decided he will be ours. He needs a proper home from this community. If you have any fish related housing that you would be willing to donated, we'll fix that in post I. E. Tank Filter heater rocks. Please donate immediately. In the past few days I've gotten to know Brian Jr's story. He was 50% off when I first met him. He's had a tough journey. Let's make the second half of his life glorious. Time is of the essence. We don't know, we don't know how long we have with this sweet, sweet boy. Please help. Sincerely, Brian Senior.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian Senior. This is excellent.

[Jake Johnson]

It's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Gareth, get ready to ring the goddamn bell. Brian, what's up? What happened?

[Jesse]

Well, so. Yeah, yeah, I mean it was, it was pretty quick. There's some students that are right away and I'm pretty sure it was one of the students that was responsible for dropping them off in the first place. But they went and found, they went and found a contain container they got, he's got a nice little place now. There's some plants in there. There's a light in there. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we see, can we see a pick of Brian's new life?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, we got it. Oh, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Still tiny, but he's a little guy. No, no, this is nice. It's better. A big little. This is a, you know, it's a big smaller house. It's like a. Yeah, it's a two bedroom. Oh, yeah, he's got rocks on the bottom. He's got a real, he's got a.

[Jake Johnson]

Nice plant in there. And he's got the filter and all that, that stuff.

[Jesse]

Yeah, it's got a filter. It's got a heater. It's got a light. Yeah, that's easy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is donated by the community. Everybody put this together. And how's Junior doing?

[Jesse]

He seems to be doing great. He's still alive. He, he eats every morning.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we seeing any physical improvement? You were saying he looked a little ragged?

[Jesse]

I think so. The students seem to think so. They, they stopped by and they're like, oh, he looks straight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He did.

[Jesse]

She's got bends. No, he's not dead. He's alive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Got a little spook in the photo. There seems to be a fish at the top at a weird angle.

[Jake Johnson]

We got on the other, on the other, on the other, on the other one. We've got, we've got him at the bottom swimming. We've got, we've got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

He's alive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just want to make sure you didn't kill Junior.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Brian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian.

[Jake Johnson]

Is there any way to just get a picture of Brian Jr. With a picture of today's paper?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Squid me.

[Jake Johnson]

With today's paper. This is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, this is a big, this is a big one.

[Jake Johnson]

I. And how are you feeling overall about having him now? Are you having maybe a little more investment in, in, in your partnership?

[Jesse]

I'm gonna be honest. I don't, I don't know that I am. I mean, it's fine. It's, he's over there.

[Jake Johnson]

It's.

[Jesse]

I, I, I mean, I feel like you guys picked up on it. I don't really care about the fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but you know, but you know what you did and you know what this community. He did and what this show did is sometimes it's not about you, Senior. Sometimes it's about Junior. And we didn't give you a better life. We gave Junior a better life. And the community dropped this joke on your lap and you said, it ain't A joke. It's Junior's life and they said you're 100% right. Here's a tank, here's a heater. Here's some plants, here's some cute flowers, here's some weird rocks. And Junior's going, my life ain't bad.

[Jake Johnson]

A week and a half ago I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was in a little plastic bag. But look, me now.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. And I dare I say I think it would be a very nice gesture for you to maybe send out a follow up email to everyone and just be like, hey, you know, we really stepped up. I want to show you Brian jr's new abode.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have an idea. Gareth, go. Babe, what if the email's from Brian Jr?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God damn it. Yes. Hey everyone. Now that I'm feeling better, I can finally email. Email.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Wanted to say thank you. Are you into this, Senior?

[Jesse]

Sure, let's type it up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you open up the email?

[Jake Johnson]

The sound. How begrudging.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, let's keep this in mind, Junior. Junior is a young guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So spelling doesn't have to be perfect. Punctuation can be weird.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi everybody, it's me, Brian Junior. No punctuation, no caps.

[Jesse]

Yeah, got it.

[Jake Johnson]

I maybe spelled Junior with two O's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Instead of a U. I am a fish.

[Jake Johnson]

How about I am fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am. By the way, there's no punctuation in this whole thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I'm Brian Junior. I am fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like new house. I like new place plants. I like my food.

[Jake Johnson]

I. I love dad. I, not dad. I love dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love dad. I love you. Can I have sister?

[Jake Johnson]

How about.

[Jesse]

Wait, but wait, if you put. Isn't it. If you put two betta fish. They like fight to the death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get rid of it. Get rid of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Get rid of that one. Listen to. By the way, listen to the fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doctor all of a Y title merch. Fish. D. So then how about this? Where is. And then how about this as a last line? Thank you, I love you. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, how about this? How about love what I have. If you have anything else. Okay Too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Love what I have. Want more toys?

[Jake Johnson]

Want more toys? And then why don't instead of thank you, why don't we say tank you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then Brian, when you're ready, will you read it back and do you mind creating a voice for Brian Jr. On the come? Brian, don't think about it, don't question it. Everything is wrong and everything is right.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he's a cutie pie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Remember that channel his old.

[Jesse]

Okay, let me look at him over here. See what he looks like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, get going. Who cares?

[Jake Johnson]

Get on your knees.

[Jesse]

Oh, everybody, it's. It's me, Burrow and Junior. I am fish. I like new house. I like new plants. I like love rocks. I love dad. Thank you. Oh, I'll love you. Bye. I love what I. I have. I want a lot more toys. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, there's definitely some corrections we made you didn't do, but I think it totally works.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think this is perfect. I think the voice note is perfect. It can be. I think you're about to push it. Okay, well, I was going to say, do we send the voice note along with it?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I was like, too far.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he's, he's still working. Working. Like people are gonna be like, hey, we should probably go check on him. What's going on? You see the attachment? The attachment's not okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Senior, are you gonna send this email?

[Jesse]

Yeah, yeah, I think I can send it.

[Jake Johnson]

I can send it now.

[Brian]

Don't, don't forget photos of Brian Jr.

[Jesse]

Oh yeah, yeah, the new photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's exactly right.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'll get, I'll get an updated photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

And then, and then will you follow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up with us again?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Obviously we gotta find out what people think about this because it's madness if.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You get new stuff now. What we're trying to do now is we're here to help Brian Jr. Yeah, let's just give this fish the best possible life he can until, you know, lights go out and then he just becomes part of the whole time.

[Jake Johnson]

And I, and by, dare I say, I think we're breaking you a little bit. Brian sr. I know you're saying nothing's changed in love. That, that that heart's getting a little bigger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My kids get on me on this. Cuz there's all these Instagram memes of dads who didn't want the dogs, but then they spend all the time cuddling with them. And that is my reality. My kids will come home and I'll be like, I hate these dogs and no one's around and they're both like on my lap, licking my face and I'm petting their stomachs and they'll catch me, catch me, get over me. I'm the guy who didn't want these.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So senior one, will you, when you're ready send us the email you sent to everybody with the photos?

[Jesse]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And quick question for the, for the group to YouTube. Brian and you two. Natach, Natalie, should we include the voice note.

[Brian]

I don't. I don't think it's necessary.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know if I can do.

[Jesse]

That from a professional standpoint. I feel like it was.

[Brian]

I don't want him to get fired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Senior, your thoughts? Yeah, I agree.

[Jesse]

I don't want to get fired.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think she did a wonderful job.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, the bubble. The bubble sound was awesome, for sure. But like he said, it is a job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, I get it. But it is with college.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, do you think he should attach it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know if I got this email and I was one of the students who gave him the fish, which is a natural role for me when I was in school, especially if I have a cool teacher who I like, who has a sense of humor. Humor. And now we're doing bits and it's connecting me to the school and I'm caring. If I got the note, I'm very happy. If I got the voice note and I just ripped a bong, I might. Let me die.

[Jake Johnson]

Now let me. Let me tack another reality. Let me attach another reality to this email. Let's say you're one of the students and you don't love Brian Senior. And you play this. You play. You play this, boss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, Jake, I'm. I'm not. I'm actually on the road in Tulsa. But are we ringing the bell? Because I think I got a bell sound effect to stand in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100% percent.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, let's see what this does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I heard nothing besides you nodding happily.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, it's playing. So that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it is. Okay, it'll be there. Post. Hey, Brian, thank you so much. Will you send us the new thing? This was great.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up, please.

[Jesse]

I will.

[Jake Johnson]

And by the way, way to go. Way to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Jesse]

Thanks. Appreciate your help, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Sounds like you're in pain when you're talking to us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I just did. What are you feeling, my man?

[Jesse]

No, I feel good about it. I do feel good about it.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you sure?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'm happy. I. I don't know about that. That voice note. I'm a little.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not doing the voice note. The voice. No, we're not doing it.

[Jesse]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. We're just doing the email. You feeling okay? Because it sounds like someone is putting their knuckle in your side when you're talking to us right now.

[Jesse]

No, no, I'm good.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you're good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're good.

[Jake Johnson]

Everything's all right. Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, buddy. Good stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

Bud. Thank you.

[Jesse]

All right, thanks, guys. Y.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelp pod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis.

[Jake Johnson]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strlecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Brian]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hey, I'm Wayne Brady.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm Jonathan Mangum.

[Jesse]

And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway?

[Jesse]

Or let's Make a Deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we're now hosting a new improvised show called what if on the Headgum Podcast Network. And on what if, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of tv, film, tech, and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, Levar Burton, and Adam Conover. We asked them the big ridiculous questions.

[Jake Johnson]

Like what if you heard of monkey's feelings?

[Jesse]

What if your grandma was a secret agent?

[Jake Johnson]

What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout? I'm not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we turn the conversation into spontaneous scenes, songs. Well, because that's what we do. Subscribe to what if on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, wherever you get your.

[Jake Johnson]

Podcasts, and watch episodes on YouTube.

[Jesse]

No script, no net.

[Jake Johnson]

Just what if?