159: Gareth's Faves: Smeagol's Dump & Floor-igin Story (with Andy Samberg) (Re-release)

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help - Episode 159: Gareth's Faves: Smeagol's Dump & Floor-igin Story (with Andy Samberg) (Re-release)

Introduction

In Episode 159 of We're Here to Help, hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, the duo revisits one of their favorite calls involving a peculiar workplace dilemma. This re-release features a special guest appearance by Andy Samberg, adding an extra layer of humor and expertise to the discussion. The episode delves deep into handling a co-worker's unconventional bathroom habits and the ensuing office tensions.

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1. Revisiting a Favorite Call with Andy Samberg

a. The Unusual Workplace Issue

At the heart of this episode is a call from Bilbo Baggins, a fictional character representing a real-life listener grappling with a co-worker's bizarre bathroom behavior. Bilbo's coworker, affectionately nicknamed "Smeagol," habitually removes her shoes and socks in the shared studio bathroom, neither flushing the toilet nor using toilet paper. This recurring issue has created discomfort and tension in the workplace.

Notable Quote:

Jake Johnson [10:03]: "So, me and my husband end up together."

b. Hosts and Guest Engage with the Problem

Gareth and Jake, joined by Andy Samberg, engage in a lively discussion to offer practical and humorous solutions. They explore various approaches, weighing the pros and cons of each while maintaining a light-hearted tone.

Notable Quote:

Andy Samberg [12:19]: "This artist is treating the bathroom as if the room itself is a plastic bag and the door worst shutting is burying it under the earth."

c. Role-Playing the Confrontation

To illustrate potential ways to address the issue, Andy Samberg and Bilbo Baggins participate in a role-play scenario. Gareth facilitates the conversation, guiding Bilbo on how to confront Smeagol about her habits without escalating the situation.

Notable Quote:

Gareth Reynolds [14:37]: "Hey, Bilbo, give us a name for the musician. Just use his name, please."

d. Creative Solutions Proposed

The hosts brainstorm a variety of creative strategies to subtly encourage Smeagol to change her behavior. Suggestions range from placing humorous signs in the bathroom to more direct confrontational tactics. Andy introduces the idea of leveraging Smeagol's meticulous nature to address the issue diplomatically.

Notable Quote:

Jake Johnson [19:46]: "Thin walls. We can all smell."

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2. Follow-Up Call from Beverly: Tackling the Barefoot Co-worker

a. Beverly’s Ongoing Struggle

In this follow-up segment, Beverly from Fayetteville, Arkansas, joins the conversation to update the hosts on her attempts to resolve a similar issue in her new office job. Unlike the studio setting, Beverly's challenge involves a cubicle mate who removes her shoes and socks after lunch, leading to an unpleasant odor and discomfort.

Notable Quote:

Beverly [27:07]: "I just got a new job. Congratulations. Last week with this new office job. I have a little bit of a hurdle that I wasn't expecting and is pretty horrific, and I really need yalls help with it."

b. Beverly’s Initial Attempts and Challenges

Following the hosts' previous advice, Beverly implemented strategies like leaving Parmesan cheese on the floor and posting anonymous notes about spiders to deter her coworker. While these efforts initially seemed successful, Beverly encounters new complications as her coworker persists in her habits.

Notable Quote:

Beverly [32:13]: "I sprinkled it all over her side of the cubicle. And it looks obnoxious. It's very."

c. Hosts’ Recommendations and Beverly’s Adaptation

Gareth and Jake continue to support Beverly by refining their advice based on her experiences. They suggest a mix of indirect and direct approaches, emphasizing the importance of maintaining professionalism while addressing personal discomforts in the workplace.

Notable Quote:

Gareth Reynolds [54:16]: "Beverly, listen to me. Listen to me for a second. We started. We were about near a solution. We're starting to spiral. Do you think it's normal for a woman to walk around in Arkansas and then not wear shoes at work?"

d. Final Strategies and Encouragement

The episode concludes with the hosts encouraging Beverly to have a private conversation with her boss. They advise her to express her concerns honestly, focusing on how the situation affects her work environment without making it personal against her coworker.

Notable Quote:

Jake Johnson [62:08]: "Beverly, this is Dumbo's feather. You don't need the letter. You have it inside of you to go there and have this conversation. You don't want a paper trail because..."

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3. Conclusion and Takeaways

We're Here to Help Episode 159 masterfully combines humor with practical advice, guiding listeners through the delicate process of addressing uncomfortable workplace behaviors. By featuring Andy Samberg and engaging in role-play scenarios, the hosts illustrate the balance between maintaining professional relationships and asserting personal boundaries.

Key Takeaways:

• Maintain Professionalism: Approach sensitive issues with tact to preserve workplace harmony.
• Creative Solutions: Utilize subtle hints or humor to address recurring problems without direct confrontation.
• Direct Communication: When indirect methods fail, having an honest conversation with management can lead to effective resolution.
• Support Systems: Leveraging allies within the workplace can provide additional support in addressing personal discomforts.

Notable Closing Quote:

Gareth Reynolds [65:43]: "We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com."

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You okay, buddy?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not great. I mean, I'm okay, but I'm not great, honestly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I'm fine as a whole. How big, how real is the question? Because I can go kind of deep on this.

[Jake Johnson]

Honestly, I don't think you want to hear it if I'm being honest with you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me tell you, after the recording.

[Jake Johnson]

There'S some stuff I can't even get. I can't even start to formulate the words or I'll weep. Every time. Before we start.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I ask Natalie for two to three things, and one of them is always the link. And I always am, like, going to my email. I'm like, I don't want to do it. And then I'll go to the link. Like, I have, like. I have like two minutes that I'm like, how did it come to this again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then I'll text her and I'll be like, hey, can you send the link?

[Natalie]

Well, usually it's a couple hours beforehand and you're like, what time are we doing this again?

[Jake Johnson]

And then see. See what she's. I mean, Rob, Rob, while you're here.

[Rob]

You'Re very clearly worse with technology, but I think it's because you're. You have a new setup every time. Jake. Jake is just plugging in and it never changes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Rob]

You're in some weird ladies motel room.

[Jake Johnson]

Back to the time when we were trying to figure out what was wrong with Jake's mic for no less than 15 minutes and he just hit the mute button on the actual mic. May I take us back to that time?

[Rob]

Fair point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Also, Gareth, are you okay, buddy?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm fine. I'm sick of being asked that question by everybody I care about. I'm fine. So if any of you are out there, don't ask again because I'm cutting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The turn of everybody I care about.

[Jake Johnson]

I have cutting people out of my life right now. Do you understand me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to get cut out? Hold on, Jake, you want to get cut out? Ask me how I am twice in a row.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you, buddy?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm good, dude, are you sure? Are you sure? Stop it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we got a re release and this is a Gareth Reynolds special. I don't know what it is. Gareth, what are we doing this Wednesday?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Jake, we got two. One I think is one. We sleep on this call a lot. It. Andy Samberg joined us because you worked with him in Self Reliance. And Andy, I felt like came in and really Knocked the call out of the park. We talk about Justin Long. We talk about Kat Reitman. Katie. No, Lamorn, obviously.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even though we're still.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, Andy was a killer. Yes, it was. The subject matter is insane. So if you have heard it, I still think it's worth hearing again. So that's the first one and the second one. Well, let me ask you this, Jake. You've accused me a number of times on the show of making it about myself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What was this whole. This whole intro? This is. It feels like a 10 year old boy's birthday party.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it wasn't. Intro is about us. The intro was about us. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's up, buddy? Are you okay?

[Jake Johnson]

Why are you doing that tone? Because that. That is a. That's a gas. All I can do it back. That's a gaslighting tone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you. Hey, Jake, what's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You all right, my king?

[Jake Johnson]

So the second one is probably the one that I get asked the most about personally is the Parmesan. The floor call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which one was that?

[Jake Johnson]

So I believe it's that the woman in the office is taking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The other woman takes her shoe off.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, she's not wearing shoes enough. So we pitched the hell out of it and. And I think sometimes people get lost because we call back to it a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's a great idea.

[Jake Johnson]

So the second call is from episode 68 or 86. It is the Parmesaning. The floor origin story, the Florin story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I would love? And I know I'm going to set us up for a volleyball spike that we don't have and probably don't have time to do it, but a fraking follow up for it.

[Natalie]

O.

[Rob]

Right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. How close are we to having that ready now, guys?

[Rob]

Give us 10.

[Jake Johnson]

10 minutes.

[Rob]

10 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we doing that call today?

[Jake Johnson]

No, I wish. No. Oh, no, that's a great idea.

[Natalie]

Had come up with that idea himself.

[Jake Johnson]

See what she does? Do you see what she does, Jake? That's why she's not attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody's attacking me, Gareth. We're just trying to get through the opener and figure out.

[Rob]

Are you okay, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not hitting the train, Garrett. This is yours.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're hitting every stop we're supposed to. Right on time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, maybe take them. Maybe take the train mic away from me. Sure, I'll concede that. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you okay, Karen? What is happening?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm being.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody's attacking you.

[Jake Johnson]

Being fun. I'm having fun and I'm being fun and it's coming across to those listening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm excited for the Sandberg one. And then Rob, you guys doing. You guys do their podcast, right?

[Rob]

We do right behind Natalie. You can see a picture of it. The Lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those were the guys who produced my movie and all three of it. What Seth wasn't. But all three of those guys are crazy talented in their own way. I was telling Gareth during it, I was like, oh man. I was like, I felt jealous of how like they all help each other. They're all really smart. They all have different skill. I was like, that is a little army they've got.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. No, they are the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, they.

[Jake Johnson]

And just to come back this year and flex on Sushi Glory Hole just to remind people how good they are. But anyway, those are the rerelease calls. And again, I just want to reiterate, Jake, before we get into it. I'm fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without further ado, this episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Herobred. I am currently on our second 71 and a half of a 72 hour water fast and I'm about to read copy for Herobred, which is my favorite bread. I don't like Herobread. I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Herobred has really just made bread healthier, honestly. It's packed with protein, low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, high in fiber and it just tastes like regular bread. You're not going to eat this and be like, oh, this fell apart in my hands before it made it to my mouth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the hero bagels. I've been doing those. I love the hero tortillas. I love the just regular old bread for sandwiches. I've been doing Hero bread and butter toast that. Give me a break. You never know. It's low net carbs and high fiber bread. From the texture that is the truth. Get the soft, fluffy experience, you know and love.

[Jake Johnson]

The first time we had it, which was a while ago, it was surprising. Now I'm used to it. Now I'm spoiled. Now I'm turning other people onto it, bringing it to barbecues for hot dogs or, you know, veggie hot dogs for me. Herobred is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co and use code help at checkout. That's help. Hero Co, herobread.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly What I'm looking for.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, I talk about booking.com very regularly because I use booking.com very regularly. I always know I can find exactly what I'm looking for. I just went down to Florida for the first time in quite a while. While I was there, decided to get a place right on the water. Use booking.com. was able to just find a lovely place while I had a show down here. Room, kitchen, the whole thing. Sometimes I do it for hotels. This time I did it for a different spot, like somewhere, like I said, right by the beach. But it is the best, so can't recommend using it enough. You really know what you're getting. That's why I use it. A lot of times I use the booking.com app or able to see all your options, all the filters. You know the deal. Come on. You know the deal. I don't know why I'm angry at you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay. That's ridiculously right for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Find exactly what you're booking for on booking dot com. Booking. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Whoa. Hey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. How are you? This is. Can I get your name, please?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yes. Bilbo.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Bilbao Baggins.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

We're all big fans of you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Andy Samberg]

From Bag End.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And Bilba, where are you calling from?

[Bilbo Baggins]

I'm calling from Los Angeles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello. Now you're on with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds and Bilbo. We got a special one. We've got a man who I guess would be the reason why my movie got greenlit. Andy, that's generous by you agreeing to be in it. Then all of a sudden, we got old Anna Kendrick, too. So Mr. Andy Samberg's on the call.

[Natalie]

I. Oh, boy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right, Bilbo. Ice stakes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Andy Samberg]

So, Bilbo, Bilbo, are you quite ready to go on another adventure?

[Jake Johnson]

Take us with you, Bilbo.

[Bilbo Baggins]

I'm ready to tell you a tale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, young lady, the floor is yours.

[Bilbo Baggins]

So me and my husband. I'll call him Frodo. It's a little bit problematic if you.

[Jake Johnson]

Guys ended up together.

[Bilbo Baggins]

We're going with it.

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Andy Samberg]

We can fix stuff for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll try to focus through the eroticism.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Okay, so me and my husband and a couple close buds built a recording studio. And we get one of my personal musical heroes coming in for a crazy session that he's gonna book with my husband as his engineer. We'll call him Sneagle.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Bilbo Baggins]

And on the last day of the session, I'M working next door in our other studio. And I'm like, yo, what? Like, how's it going? And he's like, today I found not one, but two chips in the toilet.

[Jake Johnson]

Two. Two what?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Two unflushed human poops in the toilet. And I was like, yikes, that's a weird situation. 2. And he was like, and that's not it. There was no toilet paper, the lid was down, the light was on, and the door was closed each time. And I was like, that's psychotic. A couple weeks pass, he comes back to finish some more stuff on this session. Before I can even like ask my husband, like, how his day was. He was like, before you even ask, like, yeah, same thing. Huge dump.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I gotta understand what the hell's happening on this call. There's a musician who comes to your studio, takes a dump in your bathroom. He doesn't use toilet paper. He closes the door and he leaves the lid up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. He's lit down. Yeah, but he's not wiping.

[Bilbo Baggins]

No flush, no wipe, lid down, light on, door closed.

[Jake Johnson]

It's very specific.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Andy Samberg]

This artist is treating the bathroom as if the room itself is a plastic bag and the door worst shutting is burying it under the earth.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, yes. It's as literally so crazy.

[Bilbo Baggins]

It's so crazy. I have no shame around spreading this news because I think it's so funny and also mad disrespectful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How is this mad disrespectful? Just because he doesn't flush now?

[Andy Samberg]

Yeah, it's or white.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, he's an artist. He's an artist.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, you're pulling the curtain back a little too much for everybody on this one, to be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who would flush their art?

[Andy Samberg]

Who would flush their art? Is that what you just said?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. You're not talking, you're not talking about some mid level fudgeing yuck. You're saying he's a top guy.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the toilet paper that is hurting me the most.

[Andy Samberg]

Gareth, do you think this person is so healthy that it's clean break every time?

[Jake Johnson]

It could be, but I mean that is thinking wishful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are really. That's a real Russian roulette move on. Your health.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, you are depending on your system greatly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is your question? Is it, what do you do now? Cause this is just a setup.

[Bilbo Baggins]

So my question is how do I someone who knows the person but isn't on his session, how do I bring it up? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so I think I'm gonna start off so the question on this one is just to paraphrase really quickly, you own a studio. There's a musician who comes in. You're fans of him, you respect him. He takes dumps in your studio with no toilet paper and he does not flush. And it's happened a lot. And it's a reoccurring thing. And it's going to continue to happen. And you're feeling disrespected to the point of should you bring it up and if so, how? Is that correct?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yes, sir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I'm going to say 100% you bring it up.

[Andy Samberg]

Wow, that's so interesting, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. That is not where I would go.

[Andy Samberg]

Yeah, I was going to say 100% don't.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm on Team Andy.

[Andy Samberg]

There's only one way it can go. If you bring it up in my opinion. How super awkward.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Andy Samberg]

And then never work together again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or you bring it up in a conversational way.

[Andy Samberg]

Give me an example of how that works.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, walk us through that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Andy, you pretend you're the guy.

[Andy Samberg]

I would love to. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'll pretend to be Bilbo.

[Andy Samberg]

Okay, thanks. Oh, great take for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here I go.

[Andy Samberg]

Gotta go the bathroom. Oh, my God. It's no toilet paper. Going to put the lid down, leave the lights on and go ahead and close the door. That's my normal thing that I do. Heading back to the studio. I'm ready for another take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm not bringing it up now, cuz you're on fire. So take two and we're roland.

[Andy Samberg]

That's what happens. The genius overwhelms the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the way. If it's. That's the genius. And he needs it to stay hot. Well, I'm an engineer, man. I'll flush a toilet to get that gold. But what I would do now. Let's return Andy. Let's do it again. And the day's over. Bill, but do you ever go. Do you ever see him socially?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do? Okay, that's what I was thinking. I know, but this. But this. But there's so much. No, Bill, Bud's better. Because you can't do it in the studio when he's fucking dropping heat. Right. Andy just showed you that. Maybe it'll throw off the sesh. Maybe it's part of it. But now, Andy, we're at a dinner, getting drinks after and we're all hanging. Okay. We had a great session. All right. So, Andy, if you want to start as our guy, let's call you. Hey, Bilba, Give Us. A name for the musician. Just use his name, please.

[Jake Johnson]

Smeagol.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, what's his real name, please.

[Jake Johnson]

Nice try, Jake. You're good. Some say the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, I need you on my team here, baby.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, can we. Okay. Just. Okay. We're taking a pause, recording the name, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Smeagol. We're at the bar. We just sat down. We just had some food.

[Andy Samberg]

Eating food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You were on fire today.

[Andy Samberg]

Oh, my God. Thank you, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You dropped some. Really great. I mean, I think this album's the best you've ever done.

[Andy Samberg]

Are you serious, man? I think so. What, do you put my heart and soul into it. You know how it is when you're a musician. Artist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what's your favorite song from this album?

[Andy Samberg]

For sure. Stinks. Roses and Petals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a great one.

[Jake Johnson]

It is.

[Rob]

I love the lyrics.

[Andy Samberg]

What are the lyrics?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are the lyrics again? And how does the melody go?

[Jake Johnson]

It goes. Roses and petals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again. What a hit.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Andy Samberg]

And then there's a big bass drop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I bet. So, you know what I was thinking in terms of. I just have a question for you, because I've noticed you're a pretty clean eater. Oh, I'm trying to get healthier myself. Do you feel when you go to the bathroom, that if this is too personal, we don't have to do this talk, but do you mind, Smeagol?

[Andy Samberg]

I'm not sure what the question is, so I can't answer him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you feel like when you go to the bathroom, sometimes it's so clean you don't have to wipe?

[Andy Samberg]

I don't. I'm not sure I follow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you go to the bathroom because your diet is so good, Smeagol. Do you feel. Because with me, I have to wipe so much it's disgusting and it's wasteful.

[Andy Samberg]

Oh, I see. Divulging personal information to me, trying to loosen me up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I was hoping you weren't gonna be so aware of that.

[Andy Samberg]

But I just didn't realize this was a profile from fucking House Week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I'm trying to say here, Smeagol, is. Do you take dumps in our toilet and not use toilet paper?

[Andy Samberg]

Oh, so it finally comes to a head. Well, yes, I do. And you know what? If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. And we're never working together again. And we're not really friends.

[Jake Johnson]

See?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that went sideways. I gotta tell you, Bilbo, that went sideways, boy.

[Jake Johnson]

The mind of an artist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, And I would work with him again because his music is on fire, but I don't here's what I honestly think. I think if you don't bring this up, that's a very easy move. Right. It's really easy to just not bring it up. But the longer you work with this guy, the more it's gonna happen.

[Andy Samberg]

The hanging socially does complicate it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you know him. Go ahead, Garf.

[Jake Johnson]

What if you put a sign in the bathroom? Sometimes you go to public places, and there's signs in the bathroom that are like, don't flush the towels. Cause someone tried that. So what if there was a sign in there? You did think of this, or you.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Did, but it feels so funny to.

[Natalie]

Be like, flush your shit to you.

[Jake Johnson]

But if you think about the fact that, like, I mean, this, I would say this is a good starting point to just sort of be like, hey, we don't know who it is. But FYI, something along the lines of, like, these are old pipes. When you flush, please hold it. Like, something that just is indicating that flushing is mandatory. Which, again, should not be. Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or. Garf. Shame a little.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, give me that pitch. What does that say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please flush. Thin walls. We can all smell.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, man, that is.

[Andy Samberg]

That's brutal.

[Jake Johnson]

That is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Andy Samberg]

Thin walls.

[Jake Johnson]

The thin walls.

[Andy Samberg]

First off, you don't want to advertise your thin walls at a recording studio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Facts, facts. How about this? How about this?

[Jake Johnson]

Thinnest walls in town. Come on down. You can hear the drilling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about something in the world of please flush. Smells have been intense. Because you're not saying to him, hey, man, we know it's you. We're saying, we know that, you know, not flushing.

[Jake Johnson]

Shared bathroom. Please make sure you flush.

[Andy Samberg]

Ooh, ooh, wait. I have a new pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, do it.

[Andy Samberg]

Water pressure, not strong. Please flush twice.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. I like that, too. It's. You're basically saying, hey, sometimes you accidentally don't flush. And the wiping thing is just. That's. We can't fix that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think of that, Boba? About putting up a sign?

[Bilbo Baggins]

I like that. Like, you need to flush. Wiping on you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, hold on, guys. That's really passive aggressive.

[Jake Johnson]

But it's really just aggressive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, because you're not doing it face to face.

[Andy Samberg]

A sign in general is a passive aggressive, like, roommates in college kind of a move.

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It's like when there's three people in.

[Andy Samberg]

Your apartment and you put up a sign being like, just a reminder, everyone who lives here needs to do the dishes. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, please don't eat other spaghetti. Especially when that one person just got Home from work and was excited. So, Bilba, let's be clear here. Do you have the guts to confront this person face to face?

[Bilbo Baggins]

I think I do, but not in a social setting. I have to be, like, in a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Like caught in the ass. You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Like, yes. That's what I was like.

[Natalie]

Hey.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Hey, man.

[Jake Johnson]

Follow me.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah. Notice that. I don't know, like. Cause I'm not on the sessions, which would be more hilarious and.

[Jake Johnson]

But what you're. You're close to where the studio is.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So why not have your. Your husband text you when it's break time and he's going in there, you come in. You follow artist into the bathroom after, like, directly and come out and go, hey, whoa. You left a. That's a big leave behind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bill, does this sound like you might do this? Because there's a move here?

[Bilbo Baggins]

I think that's where I'm waiting, but I'm scared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So then here's what you're going to go saying. This is intense. So I like what Garf said about having your boyfriend text you. I like standing right at the door, so when he opens it, he knows that you know for sure.

[Andy Samberg]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So one more time.

[Andy Samberg]

My leavings are godly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Andy, will you. Will you be Smeagol walking out of the bathroom? And Bilba, will you try to confront him? And let's see what happens.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Andy Samberg]

All right, here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Smeag's in the bathroom.

[Andy Samberg]

Click, click. Door opening.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Oh, hey, Smeagol.

[Andy Samberg]

Ah, Bilbo.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Oh, I'm just. I'm just gonna use the bathroom myself. Also. Great, because I do that, too.

[Andy Samberg]

Can't wait to see you in a professional and personal manner moving forward.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yep, me too. Oh, look at that. Everything is on and the lid is down. Whoa, Nellie. All right, my friend, you left a huge dump in the toilet, and I have to ask you to take care of that. I'm gonna just. I'm gonna leave for a sec. You go ahead.

[Andy Samberg]

All right, Frodo, let's kick it. I'm already all the way back in the booth.

[Natalie]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Bilbo, your pacing is so slow and weird. He's not hanging out while you're.

[Jake Johnson]

It's longer than the part of Raheem.

[Andy Samberg]

Roses and pearls.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. He is deep in his second song while you're talking to nobody going, so.

[Jake Johnson]

So you should know that about the human digestive Froto.

[Andy Samberg]

Should we do a harm? Stack right here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy schmoly, Nelly. There's a dumper in the toilet Nelly.

[Jake Johnson]

Needs to come back. That's also part of my takeaway.

[Andy Samberg]

I'm 100% that I. My falsetto is off today from screaming after letting loose the biggest dumb of all time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I think we're ready to wrap this one up. Belva, I think. Here's where I'm at. Here's your options from us. You can bring up socially in a bar environment, hearing how you do it. As your friend on this, I'm not going to recommend it. You could put up the. Number two is just let it go. You're a business. He's a big client. He wants to shit and do weird things. Just. It's worth having him. Number three is put up a sign, something that's very clear that says, please flush twice. Or, you know, we need you to flush your dumps. Or it's disgusting not to flush something in that zone. The next option is a caught in the act routine that we just painfully lived through. So, Bilba, where are you at?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Sign? Or maybe I'm not gonna stand outside the bathroom door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Super weird. But if he's in the studio again, I'll probably just like a little knock, knock. Hey, just a reminder. You gotta flush the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are gonna do that billboard.

[Jake Johnson]

That's wild. There's a huge distance between the sign and knocking and being like, hey, start with the sign. Let's just start small and go, will you do this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's. Let's end this with a win. Bill, will you. Can we decide on a sign right now? And would you put it in the bathroom even though he's not there? As a new store policy, you would like a photo of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Flushing is mandatory.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah. What font do you want?

[Andy Samberg]

Oh, Wing Dings.

[Jake Johnson]

For sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You even need to ask, would you do Wing Dings calligraphy? Laminate it. And would you put it pretty big over the toilet that says flushing his mandatory Helvetica. If he comes back and he takes a dump and he does not flush after the sign, then it's time to confront him.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bilba, are you gonna do it?

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you send a photo to Kevin?

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And last, before we go. And we need to do this for everything, this is how we end all of them. Can you please tell us the name of the musician really fast without thinking?

[Jake Johnson]

We end every call like this. Like Jake said, this is not out of the ordinary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bilba, thank you for the call. We're getting off.

[Natalie]

Okay, bye.

[Andy Samberg]

Good luck.

[Natalie]

Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi there. Welcome to. Welcome to. We're here to help. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please?

[Natalie]

Yeah, absolutely. My name is Beverly. I'm calling from Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I'm 29 years old.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow, that took a turn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a new girl. It's a new. It's a new girl thing. You know this as a cast member.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, right. When we do 29.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, when Max does.

[Natalie]

It's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

We can do it together when we did it, though. No, no, hold on. Oh, God. Listen, we're not gonna go down that road, all right? Three, two. Beverly, what is going on? What can we help you with?

[Natalie]

Yeah, absolutely. So I just got a new job. Congratulations. Last week with this new office job. I have a little bit of a hurdle that I wasn't expecting and is pretty horrific, and I really need yalls help with it.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's go.

[Natalie]

My cubicle mate, every day after lunch, takes a while for lunch. She takes a walk outside, and then she comes back and she removes her shoes and her socks and she airs out her toes in our shared cubicle space.

[Kevin]

I'm gonna share the. I'm gonna share the picture that you sent to.

[Natalie]

Oh, okay. Gotta go.

[Jake Johnson]

Fuck me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Beverly.

[Natalie]

I believe in no free toes, but this felt like essential footage to share with you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I agree.

[Natalie]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is the smell part of this?

[Natalie]

The smell is definitely. I mean, again, I'm in. Where I live in Arkansas, it is humid here, and she's taking lunchtime walks.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, there really is an odor.

[Natalie]

There's an odor. And if you can notice, like, I was trying to be as sly as possible, but, like, they're not. They're not stained underneath her desk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Can you pull up the pic one more time?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Natalie]

You guys, no one else is freaking out at the office?

[Bilbo Baggins]

No.

[Natalie]

Everyone plays it cool. In one of the pictures. You can see, like, someone standing in the background, like, right on the carpet. Yeah, on the carpet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so walk us through. So my guess is the question is how the hell do you handle this? Right.

[Natalie]

Are you a mind reader? Have you done this before?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, only about 100 episodes.

[Natalie]

Yeah, I've listened to everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. We appreciate you. We appreciate you, Beverly. You're one of the good ones.

[Natalie]

Are we talking directly to her? Are we going over, like, hey, like, what do we value in a cubicle here? Like, what do we. Like, this is our shared space. I talked to my chiropractor about it. I talked to a lot of my friends. There's a lot of people, and we're like, following along, who are very invested.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, I've talked to my chiropractor. She's baffled.

[Natalie]

Exactly. Exactly. Anyways, Sue, I guess my question is, like, who do I go to? And then after that, like, what do I. Like, what are my next steps?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is too much. So we're going to be able to help here for sure, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, we got. I already got some weird ones we can get you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But save those first because we're going to get there. Let's just get a little bit of.

[Natalie]

Ready?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, let's just get a little bit of backstory. Beverly, she's not your boss, is she?

[Natalie]

No, no, no, no. But she is. She has more seniority than, like, half of the people in the office.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But that doesn't. She's not the boss, though. But she's been around tough. In her eyes. You're in her house, right?

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Bilbo Baggins]

So that's like, a hazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope. It's just. It's like her point of view. She's been there long enough that you're working in her living room.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's so comfortable there that she's like, who cares? You know? Nobody's ever cared. Now, question about. Let's give her a name. How about a fake one so we don't offend her?

[Natalie]

Of course. All her. Diamond.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what's Diamond's personality like?

[Natalie]

She doesn't really have an inside voice, but always has something interesting to say.

[Jake Johnson]

That's trash.

[Natalie]

And she. I don't know. We're still getting to know each other. It's honestly, like, it's hard for me to see past the loose piggies. You know what I mean? So maybe that's it. Like, maybe I need to get to know, like, her more. I just feel like this feels like a really big roadblock.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's tough.

[Natalie]

She likes hiking. She spends time outside. We talked about that. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gross. I wish she did.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It would be great. It's just gross. I. When I fly, like, if I'm on a long flight, I will go shoes off, but I will hide them. But when I see people go shoes and socks off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That to me is like, what is going on? That is. That's just a bridge too far. It's really bad. Yeah.

[Natalie]

My skin is crying. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But first of all, I think because you, like, you're saying you kind of want to preserve the job. You don't want to rock the boat. I don't think you want to confront this head on. I don't Think you want to go above her and complain?

[Natalie]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think we've got to either die hard, shoot the glass, or we've got to just come up with ways that would dissuade her from taking her shoes off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, you want to start pitching some stuff of how to get her out of this as we're trying to figure this one out?

[Jake Johnson]

So here's the first one that I would say is just a way to dissuade her a little head on. And that would be to say that you're seeing spiders, that you've seen a few spiders, that you think you got bitten by a spider at work. You can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whatever you release in a rat.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. But I think, like, what's good about a spider is that she can't. First of all, if it got connected to Beverly, she wouldn't get in trouble.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But here's what I'm afraid of with that.

[Natalie]

If it's right, there's cameras in the building.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, like, yeah, okay, we're not going to release a rat.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't ratatouille.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll be the weirdest. But. So here's. Then we need something more than a spider. And here's why. Because she could. She could not connect that to her feet and be like, oh, disgusted.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Lisa, you want to hear the other specials?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I think what you could do is, if you wanted to try to out weird her, you start clipping your toenails in the cubicle.

[Natalie]

Holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Best response we've had in a while. Holy shit.

[Jake Johnson]

You. You sort of go like you invented a locker room. Like, I. Yeah, we're in the locker room. This is a party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Gareth, we had a call similar to this with a man who flossed in the living room.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we talked to his wife about clipping. That makes sense because we're at home. God damn it. Beverly's at work.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. But this woman is making it home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the woman's not the boss.

[Jake Johnson]

No. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think there's got to be a slight. I like spiders. I think there's something there to say.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, here's another one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

You start Parmesan in the floor.

[Natalie]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Classic.

[Jake Johnson]

You start putting Parmesan on the floor.

[Kevin]

We can't keep pitching this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've cut this out of 65 out of 80 episodes. Maybe this one will stick.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm telling you, someone is going to Parmesan the goddamn floor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Parmesan the floor is a great idea. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Parmesan It a little water on it, she'll start to feel a little footy film.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And she'll start going, what the hell?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's one B on parmesan. You're talking post her, exercise her, feed her out. You're eating spicy Chinese food or Mexican food with weird hot chili oils. You spill it on the floor, you tell her you're really sorry as you're cleaning it, you rub it in all over her area and it's hot oil or. Ooh, let's get weird. You break. You tell. You drop a glass and you break.

[Jake Johnson]

It and you say, this is really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go like this. Hey, you get there early, you get a really thin wine glass or some water glass. Drink wine glass.

[Natalie]

Yeah, I should be arriving to work early with wine glass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fair enough. Any sort of thin glass that breaks, if it's cameras, they can't see, you break it. And if it drops more than three times and it doesn't break, you're a weirdo.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you know, you. You know what you could do is you could get that fake breakaway Hollywood glass so that it actually. So you could get shattered everywhere. You shatter it, and when she comes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there's blood everywhere, you could say, beverly, it's fake.

[Jake Johnson]

Damn it. Pump the brakes, Beverly. Pump the brakes. Here, let us drive.

[Natalie]

Fake flood everywhere, Fake blood everywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought we were going to be a murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but I think this idea is something. What if you did this, Beverly? You got one of those fake. You can get it on Amazon, I'm sure. Breakaway glass, so it's easy. You fill it with water, you accidentally knock it, it breaks everywh. You clean it as much as you can. When she comes in, you put a note up that you say, sorry, broken glass in this area because it's carpeted. Can't get it all. Be careful.

[Natalie]

No, that's, like, really good. I feel like I need to introduce another character, but if we don't have enough time, then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please, we do have time, Beverly. We have time.

[Natalie]

The receptionist or, like, the. She, like, lords over the building and she notices if, like, a picture frame is, like, off kilter, and she'll, like, send out a mass email to everyone of, like, who did this to the picture frame. And she's always checking if the housekeepers are doing their job and, like, going in. Very tedious. So I would hate for someone to. You know what I mean? For, like. Yeah. Or. Well, Tim. We'll call her Tim to get onto someone else because of a mess I made.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I understand.

[Natalie]

But I also hear where you guys are coming from. And it's goofy and it's fun, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'Re right that it's gonna make the receptionist get really ocd, Be really tough on the janitors. Everyone's life's gonna get bad, and then Diamond's gonna be walking around shoeless. How about something like this? An anonymous note to the receptionist saying, just so you know, there is a co worker in your floor, in your building walking around shoeless, rubbing their feet all over everything. There has been word that there might be athlete's foot spreading. I thought you would want to know because I expected more from you.

[Natalie]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then the receptionist goes like, we got a rat. Yeah, Tim's gonna freak out. Everything's gotta be perfect. The picture frame's gotta be perfect. And you just go. And then all of a sudden, the answer is no. And then it's a battle between them. And then you could sit back and go, like, I don't even know what's happening.

[Jake Johnson]

Another one. Pop two thumbtacks in the carpet near where she goes barefoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aerith, no.

[Jake Johnson]

Home aloner. Home alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on. Home alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't you throw a paint can at her head and burn her with an iron?

[Natalie]

Yeah, this is better Home.

[Jake Johnson]

A loner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tar and feather the woman. We can't inflict pain.

[Jake Johnson]

How about this? Wet the carpet and shock it. Electrocuter. Home alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or how about this? I got one.

[Natalie]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is in the world of the nails. Don't wash your feet for three days. Get your feet smelling yeasty and disgusting. We all know it's not far off. Within 30 hours, all of our feet are the feet of an animal. Really? Cook those sons of bitches. Beverly, when she takes her shoes off, you take yours off. Your smell has to be so intense that she goes like, oh, you know what?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm. You know what I think we do on that one? We Parmesan your feet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why not tonight? And then let them cook Parmesan your.

[Jake Johnson]

Socks, and you wear the same socks for three days, and you're joined in the locker room and you've got little flaky parmesan smells.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I honestly think there's something too. If I did something where I took my shoes off and somebody else did and their feet were disgusting and I thought mine were fine, I would put mine on. And then if they put theirs on too, I'd be like, let's agree to disagree. I'm just keeping these on. And they keep theirs on.

[Natalie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we got some options for you and I want to kind of hear where you're at. This doesn't necessarily mean the end, but we got the world of spiders right?

[Natalie]

Coming from down under.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Coming from down under. Spiders from down under. We've got the idea of maybe put, like, a mouse. Get a field mouse. Put it in your purse. When her feet are off, just put your purse on the ground. Let it crawl out of your purse. We've got the Parmesan Cheez. It just put Parmesan cheese on the floor, I guess. Hope the camera catch you, because if they. If they catch you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but the camera catches a rat coming out of your bag, they're gonna have some other questions too. I noticed you punched up your pitch in post a little bit, by the way.

[Kevin]

I have a soft version of that, which is just like, casually saying, like, did you hear about the mold on the carpet or something?

[Natalie]

Oh, Kevin, thank you. You always come in. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, look, we all love Kevin, but Jacob working hard for them. It's a bit. It's a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It all changed with my. With my. My mom said that thing. I'm more Kevin now. There this idea that Kevin.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Kevin.

[Natalie]

There's a perfect amount of Kevin episode. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. But there's. There's a perfect amount of Kevin. So then we've got this idea of breaking glass, which you didn't like.

[Natalie]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got the. We've got the idea of the anonymous note to the receptionist, and I love.

[Natalie]

That because I also love a good gossip, and I feel like that would really travel well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what about the building?

[Natalie]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about. What about a few random notes on pieces of paper that you leave throughout the building and create. Like Johnny Bananas did in the Challenge earlier season, Just creates chaos.

[Natalie]

Create chaos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get people talk.

[Jake Johnson]

But that the pro. The issue I find there is that, you know, you don't want her to be attached to the chaos. If she. If the chaos gets traced back to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her, then put everything in the bathroom.

[Natalie]

I'm leaving the note. Like, if I'm typing them up so they can't see my handwriting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Natalie]

Right, Agreed.

[Jake Johnson]

And this is.

[Natalie]

All the other notes are, like, in the kitchen that are, like, clean up your shit and different things like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you know where else you could leave them? You could leave them while you, like, reach into the fridge. Leave it in the fridge so no cameras are watching that.

[Natalie]

And the note says, have you seen the stinky toes?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, put those little piggies away.

[Natalie]

Put those little piggies away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Beverly, what do you think you're Going to do here?

[Natalie]

Yeah. I honestly love the note idea. I could get to the Parmigiano Reggiano idea if I knew where the blind spots were on the cameras. So those are the two directions that I'm feeling that are the most me. That are the most true to who I am and the most realistic.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good. Here's two ways. Two things with the Parmesan pitch. But I think if you like. No, go with it. Two things you can do with the Parmesan is nobody's going to fucking go. These cameras probably delete their footage after 24 hours. So, no, nobody is going to be going back and CSI in the cameras to see where the Parmesan came from It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But if they do. So embarrassing.

[Natalie]

You haven't met Ken, but I hear you.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, here's the way to cover it. One day for lunch, you're going to Sbarro. You grab a slice, and you fucking load up a tray with Parmesan. And when you're sitting at your cubicle eating it, you're fake. You're kind of emerald. Pow. Yes. You're just. Yes. You're dumping it every. You're a sloppy eater. Worst case scenario, you're a little sloppy. Parmesan piggy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So your thought, Beverly, is you're going to put a note around. Are you going to actually do this?

[Natalie]

Well, now I'm thinking spiders. Now I'm thinking spiders. Post Parmesan sandcastle.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow, what a twist you've thrown our way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that mean? Spiders. Walk us through.

[Natalie]

I'm just thinking, like, okay, so I usually get to work, like, about 15 minutes before she does, so I can do something, like, along lines of like, hey, like, I don't know, I'm kind of like, not really a critter person, but I feel like I saw something crawling around our cubicle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, good. So why don't you just, early in work, while on camera, pretend to see a black widow under the table, take your shoe and kill it. And then go like, whoa, whoa. And then everybody, all day, you go like, I killed a black widow. Right under diamonds.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't even kill it. You saw it and you got a picture of it and you looked. When she comes, Google image of a black widow up, and you go. I literally. This is literally what I just saw on our carpet. A black widow. I just. I just googled it. This is what was on our carpet. I threw my. I was like, trying to hit it with my shoe, but it, like, made a move. So there is, like a Black widow here. I'm pretty sure.

[Natalie]

Oh, my gosh, we have a ton of ticks here. We have so many ticks. And she was talking about how she just got a new dog, and they went hiking this weekend, and they, like, had to get all the ticks off the dog, and they don't know if they got them all good. And she's freaking out about ticks, and it's so.

[Jake Johnson]

That's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go like this. Hey, I just want to let you know, I saw two ticks in the carpet this morning. And you say it. When her feet are off. You do that, Beverly, as a favor. You go like this. Hey, girl, be careful with your feet off. I literally saw a tick right in the. Right where you were this morning. And she'll go, like, ew, gross. And I go, I'm telling you, diamond, check yourself. But I would keep those shoes on.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good. There we go.

[Natalie]

Because I care about you, and I don't want you to have Lyme disease.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because if you get that in your foot, that could lead to pan's disease. That could be real bad.

[Jake Johnson]

Plus, someone put a note in the fridge about the ticks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, there's a ton. And then she goes, maybe the ticks are here for all the parmesan floor. All the Parmesan that's everywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

I like a Parmesan of pizza. I got my Parmesan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a rat coming out of your purse.

[Natalie]

All ideas are the best idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Home alone, Beverly. And then all of a sudden, when she says that, a bucket of paint hits her right on the face, and she falls into a Christmas tree. And then you go on a little zip tie out of there, and then.

[Jake Johnson]

Beverly just runs three feet, goes to her knee, and goes, y.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And keep the change, you filthy animal. Beverly, we appreciate the call. I think ticks is. Took us a while, but I think we all nailed it.

[Natalie]

Yeah. Good team effort. Thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then follow up with us right away.

[Natalie]

Yeah, dog. All right, y'all have a good one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You too, bud.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, thanks. Bye.

[Natalie]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, everyone.

[Kevin]

Producer Kevin here. The original call from this next follow up aired on June 10. It's called seeing past the Piggy, and it's the first call on this episode. If you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

[Natalie]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome back to the show.

[Natalie]

Oh, my goodness. Happy to be here.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Remind us of who you are, what your problem is, and give us A gosh dang follow up.

[Natalie]

Oh, man. Here for that. My name is Beverly. I am calling from Arkansas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Natalie]

And it was about a month ago that we chatted last about a certain co worker with a certain habit of removing toes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you say toes?

[Natalie]

She did say toe worker. So get it, get it trending.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this was about the woman who you worked with in a hot office, she takes her shoes off. And Gareth suggested Parmesan in the floor, which was still an all time favorite for me. And so what did you do? What's happening? Walk us through it. Where are we at?

[Natalie]

Yeah, well, I just want to say I really appreciate. I really appreciate, like, the validation from you guys and from the here to help, just like community. So I just want to shout everyone out for that comment. Yeah, I'm here for that. Yeah, of course. So what I first did is I. There was someone with, like, stinky food in the office. And so I asked her, oh, my God, like, do you. Do you smell that? Like, are you. You know. And she responded with it. She doesn't really have a sense of smell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting turn or shared space.

[Natalie]

Yeah, right, of course. And it just kind of eliminates any of those pitches about, like, anything smelly or out stinking. The stink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So then I tried the texture.

[Natalie]

True, Parmesan is more about the texture, but I would also suffer because then it would also be like. And I. You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever heard of a war where one side said, like, there were no casualties?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not reality. Not reality. But keep going, Beverly.

[Natalie]

You're always talking about war, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you for pointing it. Yeah, embarrassing. Embarrassing.

[Natalie]

And then I tried the whole thing. Have you seen his jujitsu?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, like, keep going, Beverly. Ignore them.

[Natalie]

No, it's okay. I'm here for this. I tried the. I tried the thing where I was like, hey, I think I saw, like, something crawling around. Like, I'm not really a critter person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Natalie]

But I got a little freaked. And, like, I know I'm having this conversation with her while her shoes are off, of course. But I was like, I know you like to take your shoes off, and I just want to make sure that your toes were protected from, like, any sort of, like, spider or like, whatever. And I had to review the podcast notes, actually, before I said that to her to see what Jake had said word for word, because I'm so nervous about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way. First of all, thank you. Most people don't take any of our advice. You took notes. You get a 10 out of 10.

[Natalie]

Second of all, thank you. You guys are my therapists. Dangerous, but it's so dangerous. My next follow up will be how to find a new job, because I.

[Jake Johnson]

Absolutely.

[Natalie]

So. To which she looks at me just like super straight face and says, oh, we have spiders here. Okay. So we're not bothered by smite, by spiders or smell. Don't really have a sense of smell. So then I was like, I just need to get curious here. I need to ask a little bit more about the why behind the what. Like get to the root of the issue, hopefully.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, do you ever want to co host an episode with the way your brain works? Yeah. Genius.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Natalie]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got a real brain.

[Natalie]

Messing with me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, thank you. I'm messing with you.

[Natalie]

You're doing one woman with a real brain. Oh, my God. And so then I asked if she'd ever had any incidents with her shoes off. I have an ally in the office and he was helpful in this conversation. I was just trying to make it feel like more casual. And the Ella and I found out that Simon's. She essentially introduced the lifestyle of going barefoot to us. So by asking her these questions, she told us about how this is all a part of her, like, life perspective of strengthening her feet and her legs. And so she goes on to. To explain, no, I don't need that energy. She goes on to explain, like, those shoes need to have no soles or no heels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've heard about these people. They cut their souls out of their shoes and then they keep their shoes on so they can go into stores.

[Natalie]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, I know this.

[Natalie]

And, and I. And she picks up. Show me about how the toe needs to be an extra wide toe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does again.

[Natalie]

She picks up this shoe because she's not wearing it, and she shows it to me and she tells me that she loves to wiggle her toes around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Natalie]

And I'm like, sadly diamond. I know that not because you told me, but because I've seen you freaking do it. Like, in our cubicle words.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you say that? Did you kind of go with like a real. Like, were you kind. I mean, were you kind of like that aggressive?

[Natalie]

I'm not saying anything, but according to my ally, my face was saying everything. So I. Yeah. So now I kind of realize that I'm not up against the strange habit, but I'm up against like a lifestyle. Right? Like this just. It just feels a little different. It's obviously still goofy, but it feels like a little bigger than that. And so I was like, I need. I need like a Physical barrier for her feet to like peanut butter and jelly.

[Jake Johnson]

Like a shoe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, peanut butter and jelly the floor. Because she's, she doesn't have to.

[Natalie]

Tried another thing. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I, I got some like arm and hammer, like carpet deodorizer.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Natalie]

And I get to work before diamond does. Yeah. Essentially a Parmesan. But, like, my nose wouldn't be bothered by it. And I, I, I sprinkled it all over her side of the cubicle.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Natalie]

And it looks obnoxious. It's very.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The floor is white, so she now tracks it. And wherever she goes, she tracks it with those little.

[Natalie]

Right. Like, she doesn't say anything about the white floor, but she also doesn't take her shoes off. And it's, she's fantastic. So it like solves the issue the next day because we think it's so goofy that she hasn't said anything about the white floor. My ally asks her what's going on in here? When I'm like, not in the office. And she responds with, well, Beverly is scared of the spiders. So she's put down some spider deterrent in the cubicle to keep the spiders away.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Natalie]

Not like the, not the reason why, but like, still, like, we got what we wanted, right? And then yesterday, you guys, I do the same thing and she comes in and she takes off her shoes and I sent in a video and that has, what has spurred on this follow up because I just sent it in this morning because I was so bummed out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we see the video, Kevin?

[Kevin]

Yep, one sec.

[Andy Samberg]

Grab it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm interested in seeing a video.

[Natalie]

It's just really fast. It's just her feet. It's her feet walking back into the cubicle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a big community for this.

[Jake Johnson]

What, what's interesting. Sure is. What's interesting is that it worked and she didn't even say anything to you. She assumes you have a spider phobia. Oh, fuck me. What the fuck?

[Natalie]

And I just want to say, like, we have consecutively had like 10 days of heat advisories here in Arkansas. And like, we're, she is dedicated. She's dedicated to her lunchtime walk, taking up trash, making the world a better place. And I, I love that. And I want to like cheer her on for that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. But like, this is, it's, it's just the feet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's, you know, we, you know, we gotta do Beverly. I think you gotta go to one of the higher ups and ask for a new office and say you love Diamond. She's great. Just Say it's grossing you out and you don't want to make this a big HR thing. You don't want to get her in trouble.

[Jake Johnson]

You already have laid the foundation with the fact that you saw spiders over there. So it's not going to look like you're directly saying because of what she does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Also, you say, like, I'm asking one on one to move.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you go, I don't want this to be about her. But you tried to fight this war with a we're here to help method. She's greater than our ability to stop.

[Jake Johnson]

She, she, she.

[Natalie]

I could get, like, a doctor's note from my therapist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can write a doctor because we're the therapists.

[Jake Johnson]

We're doctors. Yeah. And we're not going to keep answering emails. What people are saying we're not. We are, doc.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But by the way, we've been doing.

[Jake Johnson]

A podcast for almost a year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, we could do. We're doctors. You know what we could do? We could. Would you actually take this to your boss? Because we could write a. I would.

[Natalie]

100.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So why don't we write something? Dr. Johnson and Dr. Reynolds and Nurse.

[Jake Johnson]

Kevin Bartel and even. Go ahead.

[Kevin]

No, say it, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

We could talk about how Nurse Bartel doesn't follow us on Instagram, but why.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don'T we say that she needs her own space from this? As her therapists.

[Jake Johnson]

And when you are moving, if you can, we just. It's all about the spiders. You don't like spiders. You're arachnophobia.

[Natalie]

Like, I'm not a creator person. I'm not a creator person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're going as therapists about the spiders. I thought.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no. We're writing. We're going on the feet. But she's telling Diamond.

[Natalie]

That's not going to be the reason.

[Jake Johnson]

When she tells diamond, she will frame it as a spider issue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. They're not going to move you if you're afraid of us.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying we're saying it's feet. It's gross. We're grossed out. But we don't want diamond to know we're judging her. So we're going to say it's about spiders, which she already thinks we have a phobia over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just to clarify where we're at, because I think Gareth and I are going to sell something, but I don't know if you want to buy it. We're thinking of writing a letter to your boss and addressing the feet. But what you say to her is.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S about the spider when you move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If it were you comfortable, you guys.

[Natalie]

Are addressing the feet in the letter or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't say to the boss, my client needs to move because there's.

[Jake Johnson]

A spider, we'll give you one. For being a maniac, we'll give you one of these.

[Natalie]

Is that okay, or is that way extra? I don't know, you guys.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it's another 50. It's another $50, but we'll do one of each.

[Kevin]

Are you subscribed to the Patreon?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you on Patreon?

[Natalie]

Not yet.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, that's okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

30 letters.

[Jake Johnson]

We write notes for our Patreon. And also a magic cloth that you can hold up to the YouTube screen and touch us.

[Natalie]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But we'll write you one of each and then you pick and why don't you hand that to one? You pick which one and you tell your boss and you say, look, this is just. I've been talking to my doctor about this and this is where we're at. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But just to talk about the spiders one for a second, if we're saying our client needs to move because there's a spider, the spider is not in one area in the office. That spider's everywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

But if we say our client is very arachnophobic and she saw two spiders in that area, she says she is comfortable just moving to another section of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The office, then her boss is going to think she's a fucking nut. Imagine being the boss there, Gareth. Yeah, it's now, but imagine being the boss of this. Our client is really uncomfortable because the woman next door has a lifestyle where she doesn't wear shoes in the Arkansas summer and it stinks.

[Natalie]

Knows this. Like, the boss, like, she's literally wiggled her toes at this boss and he doesn't do anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about just going straight up to the boss and saying what? Hey, I know it's wild, but if I went straight up to the boss and just saying this, hey, we all love Diamond. I do, too. I'm not looking to ruffle any feathers. Can you move me somewhere in the office? I'm away from those bare feet because it's gross.

[Jake Johnson]

Kind of think that's like an actual play.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. Talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, it is. You're. You're used to living like. Yeah, but you're used to living inside of the nuts. It's not crazy to be like, I don't want to be next to someone with bare feet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If a grown up. If a grown up Wore a diaper at work. And dirty. You're allowed to say, I don't want to be around them because I smell dirty diaper, by the way. I don't want to be around.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a bad pitch. Not a bad pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have Bev wear a diaper.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a bad pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The woman doesn't have. The woman has smelling issues. She'll just be sitting in her own filth.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell you what, if I see someone sitting there in a die dye, I don't care what it smells like. I don't love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Kevin]

I just have to point out really.

[Jake Johnson]

Quick, if you can.

[Kevin]

If you can wiggle your toes to your boss and not worried about being fired, you got a pretty good job set up.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Natalie]

Oh, I work at a university. It's very hard to get fired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I honestly hear. Beverly, here's what I honestly think you need to do here. And this just takes courage. This takes courage. This takes guts.

[Natalie]

That's why I need to talk to you. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you can do this. You need to walk up to your boss alone, okay. And say, can we have a meeting? Private, Private meeting, meeting? And they'll say, sure. Is everything okay? And you'll say, everything's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you guys can be called the feeding. Yeah, go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love working here. I am not looking to lose my job. I love all the people's personalities. I'm very happy. I have an issue where sitting so close to diamond because she is shoeless. But I do not want to offend her, and I do not want to make her feel bad because I value her as a person. Can we do something secretly between you and I where you move me to another part of the office so that she can continue her lifestyle and I can continue my lifestyle because she already thinks seat should be covered in public.

[Jake Johnson]

And she already thinks I'm afraid of spiders, and I saw some over there, so I'll easily be able to say, it's just a spider thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just drop the weird spider thing.

[Jake Johnson]

Nope. We're sticking with spiders. Whether Jake likes it or not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels like it confuses a very, very simple. Good cover, but what do you think of that, Beverly?

[Jake Johnson]

I think he's right.

[Natalie]

Yeah. I just want to say with all of the episodes that I listened to, like, this feels like actually really helpful and like. Like you guys are really zoned in on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Natalie]

What you do here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Out of 10. But it was. It was a weird compliment, Garrett, because she also said, of all the ones I've listened to, this one's the only one that's only kind of good.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, hit her with the rating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Question out of ten, Beverly. Zero means we've done a terrible job. Ten means we've totally solved your problem because this is a positive. So it's for sure more than a seven. Yeah. So what would you rate us?

[Jake Johnson]

Gotta be above seven.

[Natalie]

Yeah, for sure. I'm going like a 15.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. The scale didn't even go that high. The scale didn't even go that high.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So will you actually like idea?

[Natalie]

Just really quick way to get off the call here, but what if you guys came out with merch that were like little sandals?

[Jake Johnson]

You're asking? Look, we love our 15, but we can't be just doing targeted merch in that way. But we love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But hold on. Beverly Pouches.

[Natalie]

You could send her a pair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but by the way, Beverly, let's get back to this. What are you actually going to do?

[Jake Johnson]

What do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you gonna do?

[Natalie]

Yeah, I'm feeling like I would love, like, a hard copy letter that just.

[Bilbo Baggins]

Feels like it'll be like the.

[Natalie]

Like the umph that I need the courage that I need to go and talk to my boss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is goofy. You're gonna hand the boss a letter as opposed to just having that very clear talk.

[Natalie]

Don't you think? Like having something to, like, hold on to and hand it over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's a paper trail.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a paper trail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, if you write to your therap therapist said my client's uncomfortable. Also if I'm your boss.

[Jake Johnson]

Beverly, this is Dumbo's feather. You don't need the letter. You have it inside of you to go there and have this conversation. You don't want to paper trail because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S going to make you seem worse.

[Jake Johnson]

I think you just say it's going to hurt you. Yes, but take a deep breath and just go in there and say, look, I am not complaining. I love being here. This is not a squeaky wheel deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but.

[Natalie]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Can you move me? Her feet. I don't love her feet. I have a thing about feet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what he's gonna say.

[Natalie]

You guys, is this something I'm doing today?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is something you're doing after lunch.

[Natalie]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is something you're doing right. Right after you hang up from us. You are walking in.

[Jake Johnson]

It's fresh in your head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the moment. Do not overthink it. Each day is going to get harder.

[Jake Johnson]

Just put on 8 mil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you on a cell phone right now?

[Natalie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Start Walking in.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. Jake, we're not gonna matrix this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Start walking in. Okay, you got this.

[Jake Johnson]

Where's this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna go right to her door. She's gonna knock on the door, and then she's gonna hang up.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. This is the matrix.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And no, you're gonna keep it on speakerphone. Keep it on speakerphone and hold your hand in your. So it just looks like it's off.

[Natalie]

Jake, you're gonna freaking get me fired from my job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't. Okay, then I don't want to do that. I want to get you. Okay?

[Natalie]

I'm getting myself fired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't want you 15. Beverly can help me.

[Natalie]

Just find another job.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Jake Johnson]

No, stop it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. He's the weird one.

[Natalie]

I'm leaving the parking lot. I'm sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, not you.

[Natalie]

No, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beverly, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me for a second. We started. We were about near a solution. We're starting to spiral. Do you think it's normal for a woman to walk around in Arkansas and then not wear shoes at work? Do you think that's normal behavior?

[Natalie]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you think.

[Natalie]

County you live in?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What county? What county is it? Okay.

[Natalie]

No, I think a lot of them.

[Jake Johnson]

Not at work. You're. You're forgetting about Anderson V. Commercial Building.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here's. Here's our advice. Our advice is go into the boss, have the talk. If you're afraid it's gonna make you lose your job, do not do it.

[Jake Johnson]

And again, if she. The boss puts up, if your boss is like, what are you talking about? Be like, you know, I'm just saying it's cool. We'll figure just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think it's a crazy grip. And if there's room to move you, they'll move you.

[Natalie]

Okay, do you guys want to be on speakerphone for them?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Whoa. Jesus Christ.

[Natalie]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do.

[Kevin]

You think your boss is gonna, like, see that you're on speaker?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we don't wanna.

[Kevin]

If that's gonna rock the boat, I don't want to do it because she. If she catches it, then I think she's gonna be like, what are you doing?

[Natalie]

I'm just kidding, you guys. I'm not gonna do that. I can't.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. Beverly, let us know how it goes if you're gonna do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think you're a diamond. By the way, you have no shoes on we just entered your world yout own feet.

[Natalie]

Hey, thanks, pal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye, bud.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, let us know. Bye.

[Natalie]

Okay, bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Rob]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producer, producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[Jake Johnson]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Natalie]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelppod hey, I'm Wayne Brady.

[Wayne Brady]

And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway? Or let's Make a Deal.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're now hosting a new improvised.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Show called what if?

[Jake Johnson]

On the Headgum Podcast Network.

[Wayne Brady]

And all on what if, we believe that improvisation is a conversation. So we get to have conversations with guests from the worlds of tv, film, tech and literature. Guests like Bobby Moynihan, Aisha Tyler, Levar Burton, and Adam Conover. We ask them the big ridiculous questions like what if you hurt a monkey's feelings?

[Jake Johnson]

What if your grandma was a secret agent?

[Wayne Brady]

What if Jonathan was invited to the cookout? I'm not. And then we turn the conversation into spontaneous scenes, songs. Well, because that's what we do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Subscribe to what if what if on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever.

[Jake Johnson]

You get your podcasts and watch episodes on YouTube.

[Wayne Brady]

No script, no net. Just what if.