164: A Wig on a Wig and Polite Alphas (with Eric Edelstein and Katie Nolan)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" - Episode 164: A Wig on a Wig and Polite Alphas (with Eric Edelstein and Katie Nolan)

Release Date: April 21, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds
Special Guests: Eric Edelstein and Katie Nolan

---

1. Eric Edelstein’s Hilarious Colonoscopy Story

Timestamp: 07:05 - 12:18

Eric Edelstein kicks off the episode by sharing an uproarious account of his first colonoscopy. Despite his usual resistance to medical procedures, a rather embarrassing incident after a teriyaki buffet at K's All You Can Eat Teriyaki in Spokane pushed him to undergo the procedure.

• Eric Edelstein: "This defecation leaves my body and in a liquid form flies five to seven feet behind me and nails the garage across from the front door." [11:38]

The story takes a comedic turn as Eric recounts accidentally revealing his situation mid-procedure due to insufficient anesthesia, leading to humorous interactions with the medical staff. Katie Nolan provides additional humor by recounting her own experiences and adding witty commentary throughout Eric's tale.

Key Insights:

• The importance of clear communication with medical professionals, especially regarding medications and health issues.
• Finding humor in uncomfortable situations can alleviate stress and embarrassment.

---

2. Caller Gemma’s Wig Conundrum

Timestamp: 22:54 - 45:26

Gemma (referred to as Alex in the transcript) calls in seeking advice about wearing a wig for remote work. Struggling with maintaining her natural curly hair, she opted for wigs during Zoom meetings, which led to confusion and awkward questions from coworkers when transitioning back to in-person interactions.

• Gemma: "I've had some incredible friends that are great examples, you being in the top three. But also my Gonzaga friends were there." [08:14]

Jake and Gareth engage in a playful yet constructive discussion, offering Gemma various strategies to address her situation without perpetuating deceit about her appearance.

• Gareth Reynolds: "You can just say, my hair gets so frizzy. My hair is just a pain in the ass. So I just throw a wig on every now and then." [35:01]

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson: "You're a beautiful lady. You got beautiful hair, naturally curly." [33:58]
• Gareth Reynolds: "The move is show up with your natural hair next time. And if anyone asks about your hair, just say it was something I was trying out." [37:28]

Recommendations:

• Gareth: Be honest about wearing a wig to prevent further complications.
• Jake: Encourage authenticity to build trust with coworkers.

Conclusion for Gemma: Gemma decides to embrace honesty by wearing the wig and openly acknowledging it as a wig during her next work trip, aiming to reduce stress and foster genuine interactions with her colleagues.

---

3. Floor Hockey Showdown: Jack vs. Alex

Timestamp: 50:27 - 85:03

The episode features a spirited follow-up discussion between Jack and Alex, who engage in a humorous yet competitive evaluation of each other’s floor hockey skills. The segment revolves around a PFF (Personal Floor Hockey) ranking system where coworkers rate their performance across various categories.

Key Points:

• Both Jack and Alex initially believed they were highly rated by their peers, with Jack rating himself a "2" and Alex a "6."
• The final ratings revealed Jack as a "6" and Alex as a "7," which was a surprise to Jack.

Notable Quotes:

• Jack: "I humbly accept defeat. I think, I think that when I gave my analysis of Alex, I said he did everything right." [75:31]
• Gareth Reynolds: "Remember when everyone said Peyton Manning couldn't win the big one? Remember when they said Aaron Rogers is weird?" [57:50]

Outcomes:

• Due to the tight scoring difference, Jack apologizes to Alex for his earlier overconfidence.
• The hosts encourage both players to continue improving and maintaining their friendship and teamwork on the floor.

Robust Discussions: The hosts and guests delve into the dynamics of humility, teamwork, and personal growth, emphasizing that rankings and performance metrics should not overshadow camaraderie and mutual respect.

Final Statements:

• Jack: "I'm more motivated than ever today." [83:01]
• Alex (Gemma): "I'm feeling pretty good. I thought I'd feel better." [76:51]

---

4. Closing Remarks and Takeaways

Timestamp: 85:01 - 86:53

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to the guests and listeners. Jake and Gareth reiterate the importance of honesty, teamwork, and humor in both personal and professional settings. They encourage listeners to reach out with their own questions and share their stories for future episodes.

Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity: Being genuine fosters trust and eases interpersonal interactions.
• Humor: Laughing at oneself can defuse tension and build stronger relationships.
• Continuous Improvement: Embracing feedback and striving for personal growth enhances both individual and team performance.

Quotes from Hosts:

• Jake Johnson: "What's the truth. It's also not a lie. I think that, like we said, the problem is you're just going to dig yourself further into the wig hole." [37:44]
• Gareth Reynolds: "Just tell the people the truth. It's also not a lie." [42:03]

---

Conclusion

Episode 164 of "We're Here to Help" masterfully blends humor with heartfelt advice, addressing personal dilemmas and fostering friendships through lighthearted competition. Whether sharing embarrassing medical stories or navigating social challenges at work, the hosts and guests exemplify the podcast's commitment to providing relatable and entertaining guidance.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Eric Edelstein: "This defecation leaves my body and in a liquid form flies five to seven feet behind me and nails the garage across from the front door." [11:38]
• Jake Johnson: "You have beautiful hair, naturally curly." [33:58]
• Gareth Reynolds: "You can just say, my hair gets so frizzy. My hair is just a pain in the ass." [35:01]
• Jack: "I'm humbly accepting defeat." [75:31]
• Jake Johnson: "Don’t overpay for it. Shop data plans." [48:59]

---

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Episode 164, highlighting key discussions, memorable quotes, and valuable insights shared by the hosts and guests. Whether you're grappling with personal style choices or engaged in friendly rivalry, this episode offers both laughter and wisdom to navigate life's quirks.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Do you say data or data? Well, at my house we say data. And for the longest time I thought paying a fortune on my monthly data plan was just normal. That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plants that start at just 15 bucks a month. The reason I like Mint Mobile is because it's a cheaper way to talk endlessly with my dear Pam, AKA Gareth, Mommy, AKA my mommy. Because we can talk all the time at a lower rate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All plans come with high speed data or data. I don't. I can't even get involved in this argument anymore. And unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along. No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it. Shop data plans at mint mobile.com/here to help. That's mint mobile.com/here to Help. Upfront payments of $45 for three month five gigabyte plan requires equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Katie Nolan]

With a $5 meal deal with new.

[Eric Edelstein]

McValue, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small.

[Katie Nolan]

Drink and a four piece McNuggets.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and Participation may vary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

McDouble meal $6 in some markets for.

[Eric Edelstein]

A limited time only.

[Morgan Nally]

Craving your next action packed adventure, Audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command. Like Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir where a lone astronaut must save humanity from extinction. Narrated with stunning intensity by Ray Porter. From electrifying suspense and daring quests to spine tingling horror and romance in far off realms, unleash your adventure aside with gripping titles that'll keep you guessing. Discover exclusive Audible originals, hotly anticipated new releases and must Listen sellers that hook you from the first minute. Because Audible knows there's no greater thrill than the one that speaks to you. Discover what lies beyond the edge of your seat. Start your free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery us that's audible.com wondery us.

[Eric Edelstein]

And we are back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth.

[Eric Edelstein]

We just finished something with Katie Nolan. She came back for the pff Floor hockey guys. We end the episode with Jack and Alex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. And sensational.

[Eric Edelstein]

Sensational.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's not oversell it. Let's just say enjoy. And let's just say this is what the show is the Show. This is the show.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'll tell you what, I don't want callers to try to. Now, we don't want a bunch of people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No copy, no cop.

[Eric Edelstein]

The beauty of this show is when they're original. But holy shit, was that enjoyment enjoyable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really did. It tickled the show and the sports part of us equally. And Katie, it was a goddamn pleasure. Katie's the best. Check out Podcast Casuals. Yes. We're just going to say it's awesome. Katie's the best.

[Eric Edelstein]

The best. The best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's just a goddamn pleasure.

[Eric Edelstein]

And then, so what we've got right now, we've got a little something special. Morgan and I were doing something on the Patreon, which I think we were not exactly. Well, I know what we were doing. Morgan came up with an idea to ask people on the Patreon to come up with ideas for what we could ask at the beginning of the show. So where you from in the people? And then we were what, animal? We were responding to it in real time and was texting with Eric during it. So I just sent him a zoom link and I said, king, why don't you get on? And it was right after we had done Jamila's podcast Wrong Turns.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

And which Eric was on fire during it just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He. He's the best. We were talking about it after, and I talked to him after a little. Eric is just the greatest.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's as funny as it gets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the greatest. And he murders on that episode.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's as funny as it gets on planet Earth. And when he gets cooking, just watch out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's the details that you. Because, again, like, you know him better than me, so the details you unfurl, they feel made up. And then he's like, brother, I was doing it because I'm like, I can't believe that was true.

[Eric Edelstein]

Endlessly funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Endless.

[Eric Edelstein]

But. So he came on and we were just doing the thing, but Eric started. I asked him to tell his colonoscopy story, and he does. And it was so funny that we want to put it into this intro. So then Nat Attack said, it's too weird just on its own. So we are setting up that intro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So without even hearing it, NAT attack is 100% right. I mean, if the intro to this show cannot just be Eric's colonoscopy story, why not? Why not even minorly tethered to the format?

[Eric Edelstein]

So we got a great show. We've had a really nice bump recently of new listeners, so welcome. So, you know, things are Just going great in the we're here to help universe. But I would recommend listening to Eric's story because also in the middle of it, I'm just going to give a little teaser. It is similar to Steve Berg's chicken, Gareth. His. His. His chair breaks. And Gareth, he doesn't miss a beat, this king. He just does not allow any air. He doesn't allow me to get in and comment. He just. So there I was on the table.

[Katie Nolan]

Whoa. I'm on the table.

[Eric Edelstein]

And it is a work of horror. It is. After he was done, Morgan and I just. We gave him standing ovation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, fuck. Well, here. I mean, what do you want, honestly? So. So listen, thank you, everybody. Enjoy the show and enjoy the amuse bouche of Eric Edelstein's colonoscopy story when his colon breaks a chair beneath him. So without further, further ado.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. We are here with Morgan Nally.

[Jake Johnson]

We are here with Eric Adelstein.

[Eric Edelstein]

And by the way, you say I say your last name incorrectly.

[Katie Nolan]

You say, I don't. There's a debate on how it's supposed to be said. You say it both. And I've had people tell me I say it wrong for saying Edelstein. I'm like, it's my contrarian great grandfather. I don't know. Okay, however you want to say it.

[Eric Edelstein]

So you.

[Katie Nolan]

As long as people.

[Eric Edelstein]

You have told me in the past a great story.

[Jake Johnson]

When I got my colonoscopy, you said.

[Eric Edelstein]

I got a story for you, and you told it briefly. Will you tell us, and take your time, the story of when you got your colonoscopy?

[Katie Nolan]

For sure. And then do you want to hear a brief version of why I got the colonoscopy? The moment, because. So I've been very lucky in my life where I've had some incredible friends that are great examples, you being in the top three. But also my Gonzaga friends were there. And this was the incident that led me to go there, where I went to a place in Spokane called Kay's all you can eat teriyaki with Mike Nielsen. And earlier we'd gone to the gym, and sometimes it was rare before Gonzaga had a big Nike deal to get gear. But I walked out of that gym with a pair of pristine white Gonzaga game shorts. Then we went to K's Teriyaki. Then I got very excited then, leaving K's teriyaki. If you could imagine, my old house was next to a train stop. So the train is stopped. There's probably.

[Eric Edelstein]

Why are you holding a lighter?

[Jake Johnson]

It's 8 in the morning.

[Katie Nolan]

Incense.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep going.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, yeah, for sure. And sage. Are you kidding? No.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Katie Nolan]

Just to keep your bad energy clear. So Mike Nielsen and I go to K's teriyaki. We're coming back, and then all of a sudden I feel this feeling in my stomach like there's teriyaki juice. Yeah, a lot. And we did not get cheated at case teriyaki and Spokane watch.

[Eric Edelstein]

And what does that mean, cheated?

[Jake Johnson]

How much do you just.

[Katie Nolan]

Just didn't get over. If I'm gonna pay 8.99 for teriyaki, I'm gonna eat till I'm bas. Which you can eat, it was and all. And it's not around anymore, I think, because college students abuse case teriyaki.

[Eric Edelstein]

So you had. Was it a buffet?

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah, yeah, it was a buffet. And then they'd order stuff and they'd give kind of a look. And I'd go in there with these other giants because they played basketball. They were never thrilled to see us. And I wouldn't eat breakfast. I would go in there around 1:30 just to beat the system, not get fucked over and eat as much teriyaki as I could. So I come back and there's a little bit of problem getting. Dropping me off because of this train that stopped. So I get about five steps out of the car, and then I feel this lurch in my stomach like there's an angry gnome about to fight his way out or her way out. God bless. 20, 25. So I move about five more steps.

[Eric Edelstein]

Women aren't fighting for that.

[Katie Nolan]

All right, all right. Well, if they are, I'm trying to give it to him. Morgan, I'm here.

[Eric Edelstein]

I want to be the gnome in Eric's stomach during his stories. I want to be the chicken teriyaki. For some, that's not the fight. Eric.

[Katie Nolan]

Jake, representation matters, okay? So I get maybe five feet out of the car and I realize something horrible is about to happen. And meanwhile, here's this giant guy running, holding up his white basketball game shorts. And every head is kind of looking at me because they're all just stopped and forced to watch. And this is pre cell phones. They're not on their phones, but there's a giant guy with a scared look on his face holding up white basketball shorts. They know something's up.

[Eric Edelstein]

Sounds you're making as you're.

[Katie Nolan]

Mike. Mike. Okay, buddy. Yeah. And praying my friend will drive out quickly so he doesn't see what I can feel like is about to go down. So I'm running to the front door. And then I realize it is not going to happen. I'm not going to make it inside. But I can't explain to you how bad I wanted these basketball shorts I was wearing. And I don't know what is going to come out of my body and if it could stain it. So right as I get to the.

[Eric Edelstein]

Front door, Eric, you're adding so much insanity.

[Katie Nolan]

Well, it's important.

[Eric Edelstein]

But why did. First of all, why did you care about the basketball shorts so bad?

[Katie Nolan]

Because I felt like I. I had not gotten as much gear as I should have gotten for hosting as many recruits as I should have gotten. And I really wanted these shorts. And like, I. I did something for basketball camp, and I got the shorts, and there's only like, you know, 12 a year of these shorts. I still have them. In fact, I gave you a pair of them.

[Eric Edelstein]

I remember.

[Katie Nolan]

I hope you still have them because they're 1999 Gonzaga game shorts. And those ones did not get a hit with. What almost got hit with.

[Eric Edelstein]

I remember you gave them to me. They were massive, and I loved them.

[Katie Nolan]

They're. They're incredible. They're incredible. And I wanted to keep them pristine for this reason. They're sewn, they're stitched. They don't make them like that anymore. So as I get to the front door, I feel this thing about to propel itself out of my body. So in one motion, with all these cars going, I just whip these shorts down.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, Eric.

[Katie Nolan]

I know, buddy. I know. And at this time, the story I.

[Eric Edelstein]

Was asking for, this is a college story.

[Katie Nolan]

You can edit it all out, friend. Truly, this is just to know. Sure you can. Sure you can. So then I get there and I feel. And you know me, I'm not a bathroom humor guy. I'm not an explosive story. But this is also important to know how somebody as resistant as I am to the doctor ended up getting colonoscopy.

[Eric Edelstein]

I know why this is happening.

[Katie Nolan]

Why?

[Eric Edelstein]

We just did Jamila's podcast together. Didn't.

[Katie Nolan]

Yeah. There's a buzz about the work I did. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

It hasn't been released yet. It was called Wrong Turns.

[Katie Nolan]

Sure.

[Eric Edelstein]

The premise was we all had to come in with a wrong turn story. Right.

[Katie Nolan]

I did have this story ready. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

At the last second. Hold on, Eric. At the last second, they said, I know you and Gareth both pitched shit stories. Eric and Gareth both had shit stories. And they go, we're getting too many of them. So Eric, in the last second, pivoted.

[Katie Nolan]

And, boy, was it a good pivot. There's A buzz on that pivot.

[Eric Edelstein]

There's a real buzz on that pivot.

[Katie Nolan]

Everyone will hear it. It's great. It's great.

[Eric Edelstein]

So then today, the colonoscopy story takes place in 2024. And Eric goes, in order to hear that story, you need to hear a story from 1999 exclusively, because there was a bullet.

[Katie Nolan]

No, no, no, no. The colonoscopy story takes place about six weeks later, I promise.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, really?

[Katie Nolan]

This is what forced me to the colonoscopy. You can imagine.

[Eric Edelstein]

My bad.

[Jake Johnson]

My bad.

[Katie Nolan]

You can imagine 20, 22 year old me was not going to go to a colonoscopy.

[Eric Edelstein]

The colonoscopy.

[Jake Johnson]

Have you gotten one recently?

[Katie Nolan]

I've got one maybe five years ago.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, keep going.

[Katie Nolan]

I'll get another one soon because I have. Because what I got. I got to get them regularly. Yeah. But this is what got me to get my first one. Okay, so I get to the front door, I yank the pants down, and it seriously is like something from a movie. The propulsion from Case Teriyaki. This defecation leaves my body and in a liquid form flies five to seven feet behind me and nails the garage across from the front door. Yeah, I've never seen anything like it. And neither had all the people stopped waiting for that train because I just. I feel all these eyes on me and I look, and people are just aghast and horrified because this massive guy has just shot jet propulsion defecation out of his ass. And then I leave the shorts down, stagger inside, jump in the shower, and I look and the shorts are pristine. So I. I have one.

[Eric Edelstein]

You shit all over a garage, Eric.

[Katie Nolan]

I shit all over a garage. But I have seen it. Well, here's where we have a problem. So I take. I take the shower, I get in, the shorts are on. Then I look out, and it looks like a death scene. Like, it's just horrible. And I'm like, I gotta clean this quick. And what my roommate should have known is I didn't clean a goddamn thing at 1307 East Mission so that I was out there cleaning this.

[Eric Edelstein]

You didn't clean a thing when we all went to Landers and Brian Farrell made you?

[Jack]

Not yet.

[Katie Nolan]

I had to pay an extra 150 for the damage deposit for Steve Berg being in this murder cabin outside while Clay Allen was on his pillow. Top high thread count, I think y'all stay here, boys. So I go out there and I start cleaning. And it's just horrific. There's like. It's just teriyaki and bad Decisions. And the night before drinking, I'm sure. And then my roommate Andy Hill gets home, and he's the main reason I don't want to say I shit outside. Because. What the hell are you talking about, big fella? Because he was a basketball coach. Still is a basketball coach. He's the head assistant, University of Washington. And he didn't like some of my decision making and sleeping in. So I'm like, I don't need to hear shit from Fredo about this thing. So I clean it up, and he shows up and comes home. What the hell happened out here? Oh, my gosh. So I'm like.

[Eric Edelstein]

You can't fall backwards and not miss a beat.

[Katie Nolan]

Can't I?

[Eric Edelstein]

Too much is happening there.

[Katie Nolan]

I'm golden, brother. No one knows.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes. Keep going.

[Katie Nolan]

This chair had been waiting to go down for a while, man. It just fucking happened, God damn it. So he comes up and he's like, what the hell happened out here, big fella? And I'm like, oh, buddy, I'm just thinking of a lie. I'm like, I think it was like a sick animal, like a coyote. I mean, look at this. He starts looking and he gets real philosophical, I kid you not. And he goes, a coyote didn't do this. We did this. The poor fucker's over there trying to be a coyote, and people are feeding Cheetos and beer and shit and rat poison. And now look, this is sad. And then he kind of takes a step, looks in, and then he walks in and had no clue that I was cleaning up my own shit, which he should have figured out. Like, if a coyote really shit in front of the house, there's. I would not have been the one to clean it. There's five other roommates. There's a chore list. I would have happily not cleaned it. But he never figured out until a few years ago that the giant shit pile was from me. And word got around pretty quickly. I did the best job cleaning I could, but, I mean, it hit a door, but this is kind of those things. When I explained it to Mike Nielsen, my good buddy, that, you know, he couldn't stop laughing. But he was just like, I think you probably need to get a colonoscopy. Just check it out. Just that this isn't normal behavior, even if you had a ton of teriyaki. So I went to get my colonoscopy, and what I did not tell them was I was, you know, having stomach issues, so I was taking, like, pain medication, drinking. I should have told the anesthesiologist like, we're gonna need more here, Fred.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Oh, in terms of the drugs.

[Katie Nolan]

In terms of the drugs. Because what ended up happening was I'm in the colonoscopy, I go under. You think you're just. When you open your eyes, you're gonna be done. And that nice, amazing, surreal feeling.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Katie Nolan]

Well, instead I wake up, there's four people around me and I'm in the middle of the colonoscopy and I woke up. I just lean forward and they all look at me like I've seen a ghost. I look at the video screen and go, hey, there's my ass. And then I went back asleep. And that was truly, truly happened. And they kind of. Afterward, they're like, do you remember waking up? Like, yeah, I remember waking up and saying, yeah, there's my ass. And they're like, that was our greatest moment in any colonoscopy. But we also gave our anesthesiology as. Because he should have given you more.

[Eric Edelstein]

That shouldn't have happened, everybody. Enjoy the show.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Spot and Tango. I got two dogs. One of them a black lab retired guide dog, star of my movie Ride the Eagle. Nor my other dog was used as a backyard breeder for years. Was found on the streets. She's a miniaturossi. She's the star of the family. Her name is Sunny. And I'll tell you what I feed them cuz I like for them to make it easy and I like for it to be healthy and I like for it to taste good for those dogs. Because I am also a food individual. I get Spot and Tango.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Most kibble is packed with fillers and mystery ingredients. Who knows what's really in it? I don't know what's in it. I'm just a guy. But Spot and Tango does things differently. Their unkibble meals are made with human grade ingredients, including USDA fruits, vegetables, all that. They use their fresh, dry process and you get to come up with a custom plan based on your dog's age, breed, weight, activity level, so you know you're getting exactly what you need. We got Spot and Tango for my girlfriend's dog. And I thought we had a good food for the dogs. Well, we put Spot and Tango in there and they are eating the Spot and Tango. As we sort of mix the foods, they're eating the Spot and Tango first because that's the one they enjoyed. They were like, yeah, this old food, we're not doing it. They were eating it the way we eat marshmallows out of lucky char. They just ate it all first. They're like Spot and Tango is good.

[Jake Johnson]

Spot and Tango is offering an exclusive deal for all our listeners. For a limited time, go to spot and tango.com here to help and use.

[Eric Edelstein]

Code here to help to get 50.

[Jake Johnson]

Off your first order. That's spot and tango.com here to help. Code here to help to get 50 off your first order. Spot and tango.com here to help. Code here to help. WWF or World Wildlife Fund is now part of the show. Nature needs us now more than ever. Our forest, oceans, freshwater systems and grasslands are crucial for wildlife and for us. This is an ad that my wife is gonna love me more for partnering with. And I like that because I like the wildlife, I like the earth, and I like my wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

WWF is calling on as many people as possible to take time to give an hour for Earth. All you have to do to participate is pledge to spend an hour doing one of a variety of actions and activities with a positive environmental impact.

[Jake Johnson]

You can commit to an hour or more enjoying a book outside, visiting an exhibit or museum focused on the environment, or even watching one of the free films from the DC Sea Environmental Film Festival. There are activities for whatever interest you like the most. Go to world wildlife.org earth hour that's.

[Eric Edelstein]

World wildlife.org earth hour to browse a.

[Jake Johnson]

List of activities, choose your action and spend an hour giving back to nature.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Moms deserve the absolute best, especially on Mother's Day. And when it comes to flowers, there's only one place I trust to get it right every time. 1-800flowers.com Every year I order from 1-800flowers.com and my mother is always blown away. Roses. Stunning. The service on point here is the truth.

[Jake Johnson]

I do Send Eve Flowers from 1-800flowers.com and I'll tell you why. Because it's easy and it works. And I'm gonna also tell you why I use our promo code here to help. That's a reality. I'm gonna tell you something that's not true. But I wish it was true. I send my other mommy, Pam Gareth Mommy roses from we're here to help because if you're gonna give Pam one dozen rows, then double it for Pam for free. Twice the beauty, twice the love, all at no extra cost when you use our promo code. Beautiful Pam one rose when you can cover her beautiful body in a thousand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800flowers.com here to help. That's 1-800-flowers.com here to Help.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hi, can we get your name please?

[Alex]

Yeah, let's go with Gemma.

[Eric Edelstein]

Gemma. And where you calling from, Gemma? Gemma, Gemma.

[Alex]

Virginia.

[Eric Edelstein]

Virginia. And how old are you, Gemma?

[Alex]

32.

[Eric Edelstein]

32. And what do you like to do? What's a fun Friday night, Gemma?

[Alex]

I'm not very. I'm not very cool. So a fun Friday night is probably just like reading a book on the couch with my dogs.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, that sounds nice. What kind of dog?

[Alex]

I have four. I have two poodles and then two like small toy breeds.

[Eric Edelstein]

Cool. And what are their names?

[Alex]

Oh, Reese, Tilly, Tux and Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy shit.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great. So then Gemma, mother of four, Reese, Tilly, Tucks, Jack. What can we do for you today?

[Alex]

Yeah, so I am a full time remote employee. I work for a tech company and I work from home. Every few months or so I fly into my office's physical location. And so I have a trip coming up soon. And so my problem is a few months ago I started wearing. I started wearing wigs because I have natural curly, wild hair and it was hard to maintain and I just didn't want to do it anymore. So I threw on a wig. When my coworkers saw it on our Zooms and teams meetings, they were like, oh my God, what did you do? And I blinked and I was like, oh, I just. I just straightened my hair. And so my problem is I am flying out in a few weeks and I'm definitely wearing a wig.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Alex]

And I don't know what to say when they ask me in person.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So the curling cream, the process to avoid a perm became too much work. And what's the website where you're getting these wigs?

[Eric Edelstein]

What's the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have the Ur. Come on, Jake. Go ahead, Gemma. The. What is it? I'm looking at a few options here. There seems like some good stuff I just want to get to know. Really expensive. Is there a cheaper one? Do they do. Do they do shorter ones like newscaster here? Okay, so what are you wearing? The same style wig you're doing.

[Eric Edelstein]

This is wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's wild. You've really painted yourself into quite a strange little wig corner. Yeah, we have a picture of the wig as well when we. Oh, great. So hold on, we'll take a look.

[Eric Edelstein]

Obviously this will all go on our website.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can blur the face.

[Eric Edelstein]

What's the name of the website again? Sorry, I'm dyslexic as hell. I always forget names.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This will be heretohelpod Dot com.

[Eric Edelstein]

Perfect. And it's also on our Instagram. Let's see the photos. So that's her real hair that you, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very beautiful. Curly, by the way.

[Eric Edelstein]

Cut the sides. This is not a joke. Cut the sides. That's Garrett's new podcast hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't hate it.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, my God. Oh, Gemma, you're a crazy person. You look like an American doll with that wig. You look like an American girl. Now. Go back now, early. No, I've got a pitch. This is insane. This call is not about what we said, Gemma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, wait, hold on, Jake, hold on. Jake. Jake. So, Gemma, the reason why you're. Jesse, please stop going back and forth between the goddamn pictures. It's like I'm doing camera one, camera two. I'm getting seasick. So, Gemma, you. You don't. The reason why you wore the wig is because the hair that you had was too much work. That's pretty much why. Right?

[Alex]

Yeah. I'm 32. I've had that hair my whole life.

[Eric Edelstein]

I. Gareth has had that hair for about six months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's 45 year under 30. Keep going, Gemma. Sorry, Jake's drunk. Go ahead. He's drunk with power. We just had a. We just made clown porn on the other call. Go ahead.

[Eric Edelstein]

Honest to God, we did.

[Alex]

After 32 years, it's just. I wanted to change, but I didn't want to, like, actually damage the hair. Although my natural hair probably looks.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hold on, hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

I have to say this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

Your real hair is very cute. Very curly, very.

[Jake Johnson]

It's big.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's not crazy. It's just. You have curly hair. Your wig picture that you sent in looks very unrealistic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The wig, chair, it looked. Do we want to just look at it one more time? Jesse, I know I said take off.

[Eric Edelstein]

So the wig looks like. Honest to God, for anybody who doesn't like to see the images, it looks like an American Girl doll. So if anybody's ever seen. Yeah, it's. It's the perfect fake hair. But your real hair, Gemma, is perfect. So if. Yes, great. And guess what? You know, you could also do with hair like that. Host a podcast.

[Katie Nolan]

Gemma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's some. Listen, sometimes it feels like he's going somewhere and he's. Let me tell you. Gemma, Gemma, when you. Shut up, Jake. Gemma, when you started this call, he started. Mind shooting arrows right away. As in, get ready, take cover.

[Eric Edelstein]

Have you seen. Really quick, Gemma. Have you seen the podcast where there's, like, four little boys talking about different foods?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gemma. I'm going to actually focus on You.

[Eric Edelstein]

One of them has the same perm as Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two of them do, Gemma. So let me to Jake's point a little bit. It's like whatever makes you comfortable, obviously, but why not just let your hair. Doing all that stuff? What. What happens when you just kind of let your natural hair go? Yes. You don't like the look of it?

[Alex]

Well, no, no, I. I like the look of it, but the. The location I'm flying out to is super dry, and so I'm currently in a very humid.

[Gemma]

I guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Humid area.

[Eric Edelstein]

You got the frizz, baby. You got the frizz.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It.

[Alex]

It goes so much bigger.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right. What do you think about a ponytail? What do you think about a bun? I'm telling you, the wig is crazy. I'm telling you the wig is crazy. And I'm saying that as a friend.

[Alex]

Oh, no, no.

[Eric Edelstein]

Crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake.

[Eric Edelstein]

Why don't you just throw a wig on in an eye patch and go like this? Well, the sun gets in my eyes. Can you pitch me why I could tell people I have an eye patch on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Here's my pitch. Take the eye patch off unless you are missing an eyeball.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, if this problem.

[Eric Edelstein]

I don't have any hair, Jake. And I don't want to say that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her problem.

[Eric Edelstein]

Trying to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her problem is the wig. Is that she has lied about it being a wig.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes. So you just show up with curly hair and they say, what's going on? You say the dry. Oh, you never bring up the wig. You die with the wig lie. They go like this. Your hair looks different. And you go, I know it. This temperature does crazy stuff to my hair. I try to straighten it, but that's so bad for my hair. And they go, it used to be straightened. This is the real her.

[Jake Johnson]

Moving on.

[Eric Edelstein]

You know, it's worse. You jump in a goddamn pool at a work trip and your hair comes off, but you also have other hair. Why are you wearing a wig? To cover my hair. What's wrong with your hair?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing. Gemma, look, you got a wig on a wig.

[Eric Edelstein]

This is madness. Why don't you wear five wigs? Gemma says I wear ten wigs. Why should I tell them I wear ten? I'm not bitching on that. Take the ten wigs off. You know I'm right. Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gemma. Jake, sit on some ice for a minute. Okay, deal. Ice yourself for a minute. Let me talk to Gemma here. Gemma. Now, Jake muted himself, could not be controlled to the point where he's self muted, which. It's a first.

[Eric Edelstein]

Take the wig off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He unmuted. He re. Muted. But I guess there's no point to himself muting. So, Gemma, the Jake's question is, why not just on the next trip, since you've already done the wig lie, show up with your regular hair in some. Doesn't even need to be super done up. But then you say, oh, yeah, I changed my hairstyle. It just. The. The temperature, all that. I just kind of changed it up. Can't. Do you feel like you could do that? Because otherwise, I think the fear on behalf of the show is you're just gonna start doubling down on wig fibs and the web is only gonna get a little title for you guys. Back to muted. The. The web's only going to get a little bit worse. It's gonna start to probably compound and stress you out and.

[Eric Edelstein]

Not probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they're pro. I mean, I don't know why he's muting if he keeps unmuting to jump in. The problem is people are probably going to start to go like. Like, oh, she's weird. It's every time he talks, he unmutes and remutes. Just so you know. Do you. Do you understand the point a little bit? Like, does your worry is also. Our worry is that you're gonna have to kind of keep digging deeper down.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's true. No, I can. I can definitely kind of do my hair not done up, but just put a little bit more effort into it. When I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I fly about, I would just say do that. And maybe you don't even need to go full your actual hairstyle. You don't need to go the full. Gemma, but you could just do a version that's kind of in the middle. And I'll bet you people will be like, oh, gosh. And just go, yeah, I just decided to just kind of change up my look a little bit. Because I do think the next time you go there, people might. I mean, people are going to start wondering what the fuck is going on in a way where the answer is that you just got sick of doing your hair. I think he. Jake is. Jake's point is. Yeah, it's probably just gonna get a little.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hey, Jerry. Hey, Gemma. You can't ever wear that wig again in your life. I want you to throw that in the garbage can, Gemma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can wear it again. That's not. That's. That's.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jake, have you ever. Hey, Jesse, could you Google American Girl doll? There's a doll I got for my daughters. It. I swear to God, it's the same exact Hair, Gemma, here's. Here's my pitch to you. You're a beautiful lady. You got beautiful hair, naturally curly. A lot of guys who are 45 years old who are on YouTube podcasts would die for that hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't understand. First of all, the age is off. Go ahead though, Jay, keep going. No, no, go on.

[Eric Edelstein]

Who would not only die for that hair, they would wait, wake up early to do a zoom podcast with a 20 year old friend and curl their hair for that and then be surprised when that other friend goes, did you start doing curling creams?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cream. I'm trying to. I am trying to mute you and I can't. It's a real strange.

[Eric Edelstein]

That would have been a perfect time to be me. I've tried, Gemma. Here's where I'm at. And I'm sorry that. And we can take a moment and Gareth can pitch solutions because I'm sure you got some good pit. Yeah. Gareth, do you see the American Girl doll photo?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, so we'll post. That's what we're gonna send you this image too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a resemblance, but it's fine. Yes, it's fine. I. The main issue is that you're going to have to keep lying and it's going to get harder for you to undo the lie. This lie is.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

So really quick. Can you pitch really fast of things she could say? What was your original question, Gemma? What do I say to people when they ask about why I look like an American Girl doll and why I have a wig on over my natural hair?

[Alex]

What do I say if they ask about it? I. I technically didn't want to like, talk to them about it because I didn't want them to ask questions about it. And so I guess I was kind of just wanting to be a bit delusional.

[Eric Edelstein]

But if they do, hey, your hair used to be curly. Now it's really straight. You're looking for. What do you say in that situation? Yeah, you just say, I. I straightened it. No, you know what I think you really say, Gemma, I'm wearing a wig and the reason I'm wearing a wig is because my hair is too curly and I don't want to deal with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It honestly, that I'm wearing a wig. Not a bad approach. Honestly, if you want to do that, that's not a bad. Just say, my hair gets so frizzy. My hair is just a pain in the ass. So I just throw a wig on every now and then. But the problem is here' Problem, Gemma. The first round, the first round of this. You lied, by the way.

[Eric Edelstein]

Here's the second thing I would say. No, I would say lie on a lie equals the truth. What's going on with your hair? What do you mean? It used to be curly. I've never had curly hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, straight, you mean.

[Eric Edelstein]

So it went so straight to straight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, she. No, wait. Did they ever see you with curly hair? They did.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, okay. So then curly to straight, right? So, honestly, Gemma, you throw in garbage disposal. Go. Just go burn the wig. It'll clog it. I know you're being hyperbolic, but for anyone, do not throw a wig in the garbage disposal. It's not what it's for.

[Eric Edelstein]

Here's what I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hair will string it up.

[Eric Edelstein]

Here's what I want you to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trap will get.

[Eric Edelstein]

How much did you spend for that wig? And I want the truth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want the truth you can't handle.

[Alex]

It was about 300.

[Jake Johnson]

Gemma.

[Eric Edelstein]

Gemma. I've never felt more like a dad in my life. I'm gonna come to Virginia and we're gonna have a talking to about finances and life decisions. $300 to look like an American girl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got beautiful girls, Jake. Gemma, the move is, in our opinion.

[Eric Edelstein]

Get your head out of your ass, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The move is show up with your natural hair next time. And if anyone asks any questions, you either say it was something I tried. I didn't really like. How many ways you got a diplomatic way to do it?

[Eric Edelstein]

How many wigs you got, Gemma?

[Alex]

I'd rather not say.

[Eric Edelstein]

Gemma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Jesus. How many have you got, Gemma? This is the snake wrapping around your neck. I would just answer. I would just.

[Alex]

I have four.

[Eric Edelstein]

Four wigs at 1200 bucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we just take a minute to congratulate Jake on his mat on wigs?

[Eric Edelstein]

And you got a full head of hair. You're cut off spending.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you're not her dad.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're cut off, Jake. You're cut off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gemma, you have the freedom to wear the wigs whenever you want.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, she doesn't, honey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, she does.

[Eric Edelstein]

Honey, you're my wife. Not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have life energy. You and I would just.

[Eric Edelstein]

Daughter of the same hair. When you curl yours, it's that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's curling.

[Eric Edelstein]

Genetically. She got your hair when you faked it on a podcast at 46. 6.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. Why am I getting older?

[Eric Edelstein]

Life happens, baby. We can't get older. We're gorgeous as we age.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus. The worst thing that happened on this show is when you unmuted for the second half.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm muted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, don't even bother. I think wear the wigs whatever you want, but the problem is if you lie about wearing it, you know, it's creating a fucking problem for yourself. I would just show up next time. Natural hair. And if anyone asked about your hair the last time, you just say it was just something I was trying out. That's the truth. It's also not a lie. I think that, like we said, the problem is you're just going to dig yourself further into the wig hole. So how do you feel about that pitch? And with the total freedom to do whatever you want outside of it, to us, that probably seems like the safest long term play, especially at work. The last thing you want at work is for people to be like, we're.

[Eric Edelstein]

Working with a liar and a maniac.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, who knows what's going on? She might be hiding from someone.

[Eric Edelstein]

This woman spent $10,000 on wigs by 2030.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exaggerating. And they don't know her wig budget. Gemma, go ahead. The floor is yours.

[Alex]

Yeah, I think that's really good advice is to just wear my natural hair when I fly out in a few weeks. But question, when I come back to my home, am I allowed to wear the wig?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes, but hold on, Jeff. For what? Where? Like where do you. But is it.

[Katie Nolan]

It.

[Eric Edelstein]

Do you just wear the wig? Like when you go to get coffee? When do you wear the wig? Gems.

[Alex]

I wear it all the time. Like I. I wake up, I'll work out, I'll shower, and then I'll put the wig on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Alex]

And then hop on Zoom meetings. And then I'll. I'll probably be on Zoom meetings most of the day. And the wig is still there.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I got. So you just use it the way I use a hat? Because you work remote now. Do you wear the. Do you wear the wig after? Like, if you're going out for drinks with friends, do you keep the wig on? Or is it just because you don't want to deal with your hair? Because the only reason I wear a hat, I have a hat right next to my computer for these zooms. I just don't want to think about hair. So is it really just. I throw that on for this now, does that wig go into your life at all? Do you. If you're going out to dinner with a friend, do you wear the wig to dinner? Or is that crazy?

[Alex]

No, I wear it to dinner.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm scared again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't be scared. The only thing that's problematic is when you said it wasn't A wig you can do, like, whatever. Who gives a fuck if you're.

[Eric Edelstein]

The truth is beautiful hair if she's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wearing a wig with friends, that energy. If you're wearing the wig for work. Zooms. As long as you're not lying about it, you're fine. What I wouldn't do, and this is just because you previously lied about it on the work trip, is I just wouldn't wear it again. Just so everyone knows that's your natural hair. Then if you want to wear it again, you can wear it again.

[Eric Edelstein]

I guess her hair straightened at home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Or you or whatever. You're wearing a wig. I mean, I just think the. The.

[Eric Edelstein]

You mentioned that so casually, Gareth. It's so wild if someone's just wearing a wig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The lie is the issue. Big. Like a hat. Like you said, it's a fudgeing hat. It would be like me seeing you out and saying, hey, where'd you get that hat? And you go, it's not a hat.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're totally like. You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Definitely a hat.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. That's where it gets fucking weird. I actually agree. So you're just a lady who likes wigs. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who gives a.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you can wear them whenever you want. But I think for the next work trip. I think for the next.

[Eric Edelstein]

With it or wear it there. But then you've got to say it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A. Yeah, you got to say it's a wig.

[Eric Edelstein]

If you're a big lady. Gemma. Be a wig lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I would say the issue is lying about who gives a. If you wear it again. The hat comp is perfect.

[Eric Edelstein]

Look, I've been on this call, but I'm gonna go a 180 and fully agree with Gareth. I would say get rid of the wig, use your natural hair. But if you're a wig lady, that. Be a wig lady. You can't be a wig lady and lie about being a wig lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And who gives a shit? I really don't think anyone's gonna give. Enough of.

[Eric Edelstein]

Some people will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But they're on this call. But I really don't think.

[Nat Attack]

But I really.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes. Do what you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think whatever. You know, it's like. It's an aesthetic and whatever. So you could do it. Just.

[Eric Edelstein]

Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't lie about it.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think that is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

People are gonna know that it's aware, especially if you have four of them.

[Eric Edelstein]

Also, everybody already knows. You ever see, like, an older lady in Florida who's got, like, bright orange hair?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

And acts like it's natural. And you have to go like, what? That's not your natural color.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Cheetos orange. Or an old guy with a jet black beard where he's like, how you doing? I'm 84. I'm Al Pacino. And you have to go like this. Jesus, Al, you look fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've got tuxedo hair, taking a lot of shrapnel on the show.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's not listening. He has no idea what a podcast is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He might. We don't know.

[Eric Edelstein]

His whole show is out of order.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gemma, what. What do you. What are you feeling? How do you feel about that general take on this?

[Alex]

I like it. I definitely like the idea of wearing the wig on my work trip and then just kind of being honest that, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no.

[Alex]

This is a wig. This is definitely a wig.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go.

[Jake Johnson]

Love that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah, I feel good about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there you go. That's the look Nobody's. I think the thing is that you probably think people are going to give more of a shit about this than they will. And I also think don't jump in a pool. The deadliest move right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

If a dead animal falls off your head in a pool, people are going to give a shit. Kids are going to scream.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I would. It would be an honor if I was at a pool and someone said.

[Eric Edelstein]

Sir, because you're a stand up comedian, I would. It would be an honor for you to talk about four straight months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe it comes up that night you.

[Eric Edelstein]

Go, I just got 12 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably comes up, well, you're on tour.

[Eric Edelstein]

Of the east side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth reynolds.com be the title of the special, but. But I will hold it with dignity and with respect. And Gemma, that's the only thing. Just tell the people the truth.

[Eric Edelstein]

I agree with this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'll feel way better.

[Eric Edelstein]

So, Gemma, what are you gonna do?

[Alex]

I'm gonna wear the wig.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great.

[Alex]

I will.

[Eric Edelstein]

$300.

[Alex]

The truth.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, Keep going. Steamroll past me.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. There you go. Well, this is what I think you need to do. Do it and then follow up with us and let us know how it goes. I'm guessing it's going to be a much less stressful experience than the first run.

[Alex]

I hope so. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right. Thank you for the call, Java. Please follow up and let us know.

[Alex]

Will do.

[Gemma]

Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks. Bye.

[Eric Edelstein]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Quince. Vacation season is nearly upon us. This year I'm treating myself to the lux upgrades I deserve with Quince's high quality travel essentials at fair prices. I'm going to be. I just took a vacation to Mexico with my family and I decided I was going to finally wear some resort wear and I got on Amazon and I bought the cheap stuff. I should have gone to Quince and I ended up dressing exactly like the staff and it was a mistake. I looked like a waiter. Everywhere I was going, people was asking me for directions and help in broken Spanish and it was a disaster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I'm out on the road doing shows, I always am bringing quints with me. Me, I have the duffel bag myself. The duffel bag is full of. It's all Quince. People see me and they go, is your name Quince? And I go, I'm trying to make that happen.

[Jake Johnson]

For your next trip, treat yourself to the lux upgrades you deserve from quince. Go to quince.com here to help for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's quince. Q-U-I-N-C-E.com here to help to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinns.com/here to help this episode is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah, every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in the US I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. I've mentioned this before, but booking.com is something that I use. It makes it very easy. I've got the app downloaded on my phone so when I book travel I just go to the booking.com app and I book my trip.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I use booking.com all the time to find places to stay in the US Because I know they are going to have exactly what I'm after. What do you want a hotel? They got that. You want a vacation rental? They got that. Booking.com and the booking.com app has something for everyone. I previously mentioned how I've been looking for a place with a friend to show and we are trying to find somewhere in between our residences where we can meet, just, you know, have a pool, some beers, that sort of thing. And booking.com could not make it easier. You have an abundance of options. Well, Whenever I've used booking.com or the booking.com app, I always find the thing that's perfect for my specifications. It just has it all. So no matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you say data or data? Well, at my House. We say data because I'm from Chicago and for the longest time I thought paying a fortune on my monthly data plan was just normal. That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plans that start at just 15 bucks a month. Say bye bye to your overpriced wireless plans. Jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected expected overages. I hate me some unexpected overages. And they not only happened with phone plans, they're happening with everything these days, aren't they? Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. Well, thank you, Mint Mobile.

[Eric Edelstein]

I appreciate you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am saving money by using Mint Mobile compared to the big wireless carriers.

[Jake Johnson]

No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it. Shop data plans@mint mobile.com heretohelp. That's mintmobile.com here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Upfront payment of $45 for three month five gigabyte plan required equivalent of 15amonth. New customer offer for first three months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Hi, everybody, this is Sherlock. This next call is a follow up to episode 153, PFF with Katie Nolan. If you haven't listened to that episode, you're definitely going to want to listen to it before this follow up. All right? Hello, fellas. Welcome back. Listen, we've been anxiously awaiting the update on this one, so we're going to ask you to sort of set up again what the call was. But before we tell you that, we were so excited that we invited back the guest helper from the first round, the great Katie Nolan is back on the show for the update. So you've got Jake, you've got Katie, you've got me. Remind us of your names very quickly and then we'll get into it.

[Jack]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Two alpha dogs competing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels like two Betas not wanting to walk through a door.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's two Alphas being polite. Going like this. You go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know that polite act. Alphas.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Jack]

I'm Jack.

[Katie Nolan]

I'm Jack.

[Jack]

It's good. Good to talk to you guys again.

[Eric Edelstein]

What's up, Jack? And then who else we got?

[Katie Nolan]

I'm.

[Gemma]

I'm Alex. Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And so, just to recap, so we're all on the same page, Alex called in first and Alex was saying that Jack thinks that he is better at floor hockey and that all Alex was looking for was that the rankings out of a PFF of 15 was that Jack and Alex were basically like an 8. That would have made Alex happy. Jack believes he's 2 or 3 and Alex is a 9 or a 10. But Alex with some lessons from Jack could get up to about five or a six so easily. Easily. That's nice of you to say, Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's very sweet, Jack. Kind of potentially.

[Eric Edelstein]

Then we decided the best way to go about this and the reason I'm taking over right now is we got two polite Alphas so I'm going to be the impolite alpha cuz I'm dying for this info but I want it to be clean. Then we decided to go to the group and send an email to everybody that they needed to do a PFF ranking out of 15 members. Or was it 12 members? Does anyone remember 15? Yeah, 15 of everybody. Rate where Jack is and where Alex is. Have Katie, have I missed anything?

[Nat Attack]

I think that's all of it. I really, I'm so excited. I just want you to read the numbers to me.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, I know, but I'm a slow burn guy. Have I missed anything?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake edges us. I want to make sure that it was survivor style. Right. It was anonymous replies, kind of.

[Eric Edelstein]

But it's emails.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. But it was other people in the office.

[Eric Edelstein]

We don't get, we don't tell Jack and Alex who's who. Nat attack. Is there anything else you feel we should include before we start getting into the numbers which we are going to do one by one?

[Rob]

Yes. So I've made a presentation.

[Eric Edelstein]

You made a presentation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is exciting.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean that you're attacking.

[Rob]

I don't want to make it more than it is. It's a very simple thing. More than Rob helped me brand it and design it.

[Eric Edelstein]

And so. But before we do this, he just.

[Rob]

Texted me that he made the presentation so fair enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rob sounds like Rob.

[Eric Edelstein]

Not to get braggy. Rob. Rob attack. So, so is the presentation just so I know because I'm a hedger. Is it just one image that gives us all the numbers?

[Nat Attack]

No.

[Rob]

I'm going to walk you through it. Just like you like Jen Dick.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. We've got, we've gotten to know each other. Jack and Alex, let's start with you. Jack, where are you at? What are you feeling?

[Jack]

I woke up today and I was like, God, I hope I don't like embarrass myself here.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Jack]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, true.

[Jack]

Honestly.

[Eric Edelstein]

No it isn't Katie. No, it doesn't.

[Jack]

But we've had, we've played some good floor hockey since, since our call. Had a good game a couple weeks ago. Had some solid games in between. Just happy to be here.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack, Alex, thank you for saying, happy to be here. How did Alex play? Be honest.

[Jack]

Alex played solid as always.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a good.

[Jack]

He's a good player. He had a. He had one game where he was doing. Oh, there was one day where he. Alex. Alex put me. Put me down. Nice. One day he had a. He had one really good game. I sucked that day. And Alex was the opposite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, can I ask one question, please, Gareth, quickly. Do you feel like the call has affected your place since, and have you noticed any vibe shifts with the guys you play with since email there?

[Jack]

I mean, we get a lot of, like, jokes, like. Like, oh, like, oh, you scored that one for the podcast, or something like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course. But that.

[Jack]

I would say the day. I think it was like, the first day after the first floor hockey day after the podcast came out, I definitely. I had, like, my worst game in a long time, and I was like. I definitely got in my head.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, yeah.

[Jack]

I got way into my head.

[Katie Nolan]

I was like.

[Jack]

I was like, man, I told these people. I was. I thought. I told all these people I was, like, the second best player. And, like, I better deliver on that.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I did not tighten that.

[Nat Attack]

Damn.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But we recovered.

[Eric Edelstein]

It happens. Every great athlete.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Well, what would you know about that, Jake? Just out of curiosity, Just. What are you talking about?

[Eric Edelstein]

A lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot.

[Eric Edelstein]

This isn't about us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but you just made it about us. Because you brought it up. Keep going.

[Eric Edelstein]

I don't want to attack. Delete all this. And I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you talking about? You can't delete all this.

[Eric Edelstein]

Alex. How you feeling about everything, big dog? Polite alpha.

[Gemma]

You know, I'll be honest. I'm feeling. I'm feeling pretty good.

[Nat Attack]

You know, I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I do, too.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's such an Alex from. Man from the.

[Gemma]

From the podcast. Honestly, I think the podcast gave me a lot of confidence.

[Eric Edelstein]

Like.

[Gemma]

Like, I've come in and I. Like, I. I don't know if I really defined that. I was a glue guy before the podcast, and that helped me find my role a little bit. And, like, I've really. I've. I've settled into the wing position a little bit.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's a natural spot for you, for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so I. I think he agrees, Katie.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I said at the same time.

[Gemma]

Jake, I've played a little bit more aggressively, I'd say. I think Jack would agree with that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack, would you? Jack, would you?

[Jack]

Yeah, sure.

[Eric Edelstein]

Sure. Sure.

[Jack]

Yeah, sure.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't say sure with the comma shirt.

[Katie Nolan]

Alpha.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please. Really?

[Eric Edelstein]

What?

[Gemma]

I figured out is that I don't know if like one on one, I'm a better player, but I do think that if I had a team of four Alex's and they had to play four Jacks, I think four Alex's, like the cohesion and the. The ball movement is. It's just. It's pretty phenomenal right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. And do you think four Alexes would beat four Jacks?

[Jack]

No chance.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. Okay, so let's not get started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Guys, we have an answer today. We have an answer now. Alex, I just have to say to you, you know, Katie's a big fan. Gareth is a big fan. I'm a fan of both. No, no, Alex, I'm. I'm a fan. But. Yeah, I love that you're a glue guy, but I. I don't mind Jack either. And with the embarrassing myself. That Jack.

[Nat Attack]

That's my Jack.

[Eric Edelstein]

Let's not.

[Nat Attack]

Why are we doing this?

[Eric Edelstein]

Let's make.

[Nat Attack]

Let's just get some.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know we're gonna said I agree to the thing he was doing that we were flagging.

[Nat Attack]

Right.

[Eric Edelstein]

Fair. Okay, here's what I got. Fair. Yeah, sure. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you speak English?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right.

[Eric Edelstein]

So, Alex, whatever the results are, I'm asking you, my glue guy, don't let the confidence come down. You're on a nice cream. And I'm saying this, I don't know the results. Yes, I think a real sour note if this. Why don't you down a notch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't we say this? Jake and. And Katie, back me up if you agree here. No matter what the results, let's accept them and let's not let them affect the overall.

[Eric Edelstein]

Tonight's game. Game?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Tonight we still got a game because.

[Eric Edelstein]

Keep in mind something. Jack and Alex, we're the media. We're sports writers. So what we're saying about you does not define your game. Remember when everyone said Peyton Manning couldn't win the big one? Remember when they said Aaron Rogers is weird? Jordan, love is overrated?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Remember when they said the Bears haven't won a Super bowl in most people's lifetimes?

[Eric Edelstein]

Let's not make this about us. Gareth, you always want to go on the attack.

[Nat Attack]

He's the Stephen A. Smith of this podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he really is. He really is.

[Eric Edelstein]

If we're reporters, I'm Stephen A. Who are you here, Katie. And who's Gareth?

[Nat Attack]

I feel like I'd be Mina Kimes. And Gareth is like a.

[Eric Edelstein]

He's the guy from part of the interruption. The hot guy with the hair.

[Nat Attack]

Tony Reali, Tony Reali.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you, I honestly was worried Skip Bayless was gonna be said, so I'm just happy.

[Nat Attack]

Much love for you.

[Eric Edelstein]

My dream would be I'm Shannon Sharp.

[Nat Attack]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

But unfortunately I'm Steven.

[Nat Attack]

That's coming across. Yeah, we do get that.

[Eric Edelstein]

My dream is Shannon and I wish there was video of me with a woman that got released and the sounds she was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you sounded like a wart hog looking for truffles.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, what a dream that would be. But it's. But. But it's not that unfortunately. So.

[Nat Attack]

God damn.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack and Alex. Before we get to the numbers, Jack, what's your final prediction? Where are we at? Out of 15, what are you going to be rated?

[Jack]

So I was thinking about this. Like, mathematically, if I think I'm two, everyone agrees with Vic at one. If I think I'm two and anyone else thinks that they're also two, then like there's no chance that the final number will be two. So I'm hoping for top five. I'll say five.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. Top five. Okay. Alex, where you at, big dog? What's your final pff. Score and where do you think you're going to be?

[Gemma]

You know, I'm right, I'm right down the middle. I, I'd say like slightly above average. Like six or six. I'd say six.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, we'll give you a six point. And where. Jack, what's your final call of Where's Alex?

[Jack]

Oh, I hope, I hope he's six. I hope he's six.

[Eric Edelstein]

Stop saying that.

[Nat Attack]

Don't do that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it.

[Jack]

I'll throw him. I'll throw him to eight.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. Alex, where's Jack?

[Gemma]

Yeah, I think he's right on. Like, that was a very humble approach by Jack that I haven't seen from him before. I'd say fine.

[Eric Edelstein]

He went through media training after this one dropped.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he's honestly, he's thinking about the endorsements after the show. To be quite honest.

[Eric Edelstein]

Everybody changes after their rookie year.

[Jack]

Yeah, I've never heard Alex say that. I was top five before. So that's very nice.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I know you guys, you guys are playing media right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This could be a 30 for 30 eventually. We don't know.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, 30 for 30 would be sweet on this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So it'd be like a four for be honest.

[Gemma]

This is just a Florida hockey rival. We're actually pickle ball partners. So like we're, we've made up another multisport athletes.

[Nat Attack]

I didn't know yeah, we.

[Jack]

We also played. We did play a varsity sport back in the day together, too.

[Eric Edelstein]

We. We have known each other forever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. A lot's coming.

[Eric Edelstein]

This is a 30 for 30. So, Jack, let's be honest. You don't view yourself as top five. You're being humble. You view yourself as two, but you think everybody else does, so you think you're three. Cut the. We ain't doing media training. This ain't espn. Jack, what's your real number here? Real number?

[Jack]

I do. I do think that. That I, you know, should be too.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, so you said yes. So. So Jax feels he's 2. Alex, you feel you're 6. But, Alex, you're being really sweet. You originally called in because you said you and Jack are even. So you think Jack is five and you're six, and you're happy with that?

[Gemma]

Yeah, I'm delighted with that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great. Jack, you think Alex is eight and you think you are too. Correct.

[Jack]

Yeah, I'm delighted by that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Jack]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Katie, do you have anything else before you see the numbers?

[Nat Attack]

I just need to come. Can we please have the numbers?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please?

[Nat Attack]

I'm dying. This is taking so long.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm dying to know who's better.

[Eric Edelstein]

Katie, we're gonna go another 45 minutes of this. I got you right where I want you. Gareth, anything before you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I came minutes ago.

[Eric Edelstein]

I got you nowhere where I want you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got another round in me, baby.

[Eric Edelstein]

Wonderful. I have to, Katie. I've got to keep going until Gareth reloads. I've been doing this with him for almost 20 years.

[Nat Attack]

Cold towel in 10 minutes or just.

[Eric Edelstein]

Blame it on weird stuff? Sweat. Let's keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep going, baby.

[Eric Edelstein]

No cleanup. So. Nat attack. Hey, I say maybe it's time for you to take over and walk us through. And will you read what's going on and just guide us through this a little bit?

[Rob]

Yeah, sure. Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

First off, before we do it, Jack. Alex, how you feeling? Last thoughts, I see.

[Jack]

We've been waiting a long time for this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all. He's edging. Yes, we're all ready, Jake.

[Rob]

You're setting it up to be too much.

[Nat Attack]

You're doing a great job, Jake.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's just in terms of the metaphor. I have lost my erection. I'm trying to get it back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what?

[Eric Edelstein]

You're. You're doing the weeds of the game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're doing the who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

[Eric Edelstein]

Where you're like, all right, but. But it's simply because I've lost track with. No, we're moving on.

[Rob]

We're just going to go nat attack.

[Eric Edelstein]

Go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is good.

[Rob]

Okay, so you guys made a bet at the end of the last call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, right.

[Rob]

So these are the terms of the bet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bet.

[Rob]

So if Jack ranks at a one or a two, or if there is a six point difference and Jack is six points higher than Alex, then Alex will take a lesson from Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The lesson we want video.

[Rob]

And if Jack and Alex are within three points, then Jack will apologize to Alex for offering lessons in front of the whole team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More video either way.

[Eric Edelstein]

So Jack and Alex, are you both still okay with this?

[Jack]

Absolutely.

[Gemma]

I can't lose Alex. Like there's no way that he's six above me. Like.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay so. But for you, you are the six above you. It says if Jack ranks one or two. So if Jack is a two, you need to take a lesson from him.

[Gemma]

Yeah, I agree.

[Eric Edelstein]

Or if there is a six point difference. So then for Alex, if Jack, if you guys are within three points you need to apologize to the whole team. Alex, you need to film it. And Jack, don't do it. Half ass and trying to be cute and fun funny. Apologize.

[Nat Attack]

I will do it.

[Jack]

I will do it with all the passion of floor hockey and love for Alex.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I want there to be something in there where you do say my ego's out of control.

[Jack]

Okay.

[Katie Nolan]

Okay, Deal.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right. All right, let's. Holy.

[Rob]

All right, so we only. We only received seven submissions. Seven answers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Eric Edelstein]

Alex and Jack, does that change anything for you guys?

[Rob]

So half the team basically, before we.

[Eric Edelstein]

Get into excuses, no. Okay. Jack, you more than I thought.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jack]

Landed in a lot of junk mail people. Junk mails apparently.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Nat Attack]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

But so Jack and Alex, you, you are willing to accept the seven as our final answer? Yes.

[Gemma]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is like you presidential election.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're unhappy with the 7.

[Nat Attack]

I'm unhappy. I just feel like they had so much time but maybe we gave that was it that they had to get their vote in by a certain time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We had a devil, he got late.

[Rob]

Submissions which I took anyway. Anyways.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I also think a lot of people didn't care because it's just stupid floor hockey at work. Wow.

[Nat Attack]

I think cared anymore. I care so much. So I'm a little disappointed that the people who are in control of it. Look, I've been disappointed at people for not voting before. So it's just a little bit more of that. But it just feels like this is kind of important. Guys.

[Eric Edelstein]

Gareth, are you comfortable with leaning into the seven? And that's it. We never discuss it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, that's it. That's what we're going to get. Like Katie said, it's the presidential election. Half the people don't vote. This is the. This is the system. This is what the founding fathers of this podcast cast wanted when they came up with it. We have to accept it. Jake, are you also willing?

[Eric Edelstein]

100%. I would be happy if only one. I just don't want somebody to come up with an excuse and say, if the other seven did, I would have. No, we all have decided before we got to the answers. We live and die by the seven. Everyone's in agreement. Yes, yes, yes. That attack. Turn the page.

[Rob]

All right, so some people gave commentary and some people just gave straight numbers. So you're going to see a difference on some of the slides.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

Thank you for doing this. Oh, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

Anonymous 1. Jack, 2. Alex, 8.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, feels like bingo.

[Rob]

Next one. Yeah, this one gave.

[Eric Edelstein]

This one's yours.

[Nat Attack]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes.

[Rob]

A lot of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anonymous 2, your most verbose coworker.

[Nat Attack]

Are those decimal points.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it turned into biblical passages.

[Rob]

They didn't give an overall score. They just gave all of the rankings on all the categories we asked about, and I watched them together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll run through them. I'll run through them quickly, but we can definitely post on the socials the full breakdown.

[Eric Edelstein]

I feel like they might have done it in reverse.

[Rob]

No, I. I checked it.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, okay. They did.

[Rob]

They did actually do it in reverse. I used their commentary to fix it. I reversed it back. And we're. We're here now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I am totally lost, but let's go through it. Given. It's shocking. Jack was given an 11 for scoring, a 14 for defense, 13 for court vision, 10 as a teammate scoring.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack and I need you to hear this, okay? While he does score some goals, the little dance he does after cherry picking a little impressive lowers his score.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so you were dinged for your little dance. I know exactly who sent that.

[Eric Edelstein]

You want to read this one, Katie?

[Nat Attack]

Sweet. You think I can read from that far away? 14 defense. Jack does not play defense. Now, spelled with an S and then a C is interesting. Jack does not play defense except under duress. Hence, not a zero.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, Katie, keep going. You're on fire.

[Nat Attack]

13 court vision. He only has eyes for other players.

[Eric Edelstein]

What is that, sexual? Next question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you know Jake?

[Nat Attack]

I think that's exactly right. 10 teammates. He's quick to tell you how great a job you did on a play, especially if it involved him in some way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Ego.

[Nat Attack]

Interesting. Eight. Eight, Ability to affect the game in a positive or negative way. Nine, Passing. His passes are solid when he makes them.

[Eric Edelstein]

Interesting.

[Nat Attack]

Eight and a half iq. Just like his iq.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's a. Oh, you're getting dinged, King.

[Jake Johnson]

I know exactly.

[Nat Attack]

7. Endurance.

[Eric Edelstein]

1.

[Nat Attack]

His endurance is decent, but for someone who never has sleeves on his shirt. Pat McAfee. I figured he'd be faster.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, so Jack. Really fast. Who's the one saying this?

[Jack]

I. So I've worked a couple jobs at. At our place of employment. And this. There's no way this isn't my first boss.

[Katie Nolan]

Who we.

[Jack]

We banter a lot when we're playing.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. But now let's hear what he said about Al. Katie.

[Nat Attack]

Oh, me again. Okay. 4. Scoring. Alex is there when you need him. Solid player and is also quick to set up assists.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great.

[Nat Attack]

Three, defense. Alex hustles back to play defense as needed.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great.

[Nat Attack]

Two Court vision. Alex sees all.

[Eric Edelstein]

Great.

[Nat Attack]

One teammate. If I had to sum Alex up in two words. Quiet leader.

[Eric Edelstein]

Quiet leader. Hold on. Hold on, Alex.

[Nat Attack]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

You got Quiet Leader. My glue King. Leader's massive. Alex.

[Gemma]

I'm really blushing right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

You should be, Katie. You might keep going.

[Nat Attack]

Let's keep going.

[Eric Edelstein]

1.

[Nat Attack]

Ability to affect the game in a positive or negative way. His attendance is required for it to be a good game.

[Katie Nolan]

Blue guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is beyond glue.

[Nat Attack]

Truly.

[Eric Edelstein]

2.

[Nat Attack]

Passing. His passes are solid. And get to your stick like a laser. Emphasized one, iq. Just like his iq. All right. I don't know.

[Rob]

I should have left. There was an edit there. It was actually 180. I don't know if that's any better, but wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

That is way better.

[Nat Attack]

That felt like maybe your iq. You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

So this guy loves you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Al.

[Nat Attack]

This is your wife. I think did this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Nat Attack]

And then lastly 5. Endurance. His endurance is decent, but he will push past his human limits and tap into something primal. It's pretty amazing to see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This one is from Alex.

[Nat Attack]

This has to be Alex. This is Alex talking about.

[Eric Edelstein]

We need to know for real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Gemma]

I know. Wrote this. I did not write this. But I do know who did.

[Eric Edelstein]

Swear to Holy do. You didn't write this.

[Gemma]

I swear to God I didn't write it. And you could. You can check with Jesse.

[Rob]

Neither of them are this person.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, let's go on.

[Rob]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like this person.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay. Anonymous.

[Nat Attack]

Interesting.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack. And this one is an eight. Alex is a six.

[Gemma]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is crazy, huh?

[Eric Edelstein]

Next one. O. Jack is a seven. Alex is a test tightening up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That hurt me. This is wild.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, next one. Jack. Is a four, Alex is a nine. Gareth, you want to do this one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. This is Anonymous6 we've got for Jack. Great scorer and smart touches around net first.

[Eric Edelstein]

You got to give this score.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, I thought I'd cap it off.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, cap it off. Cat off. Play your game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does not play defense. Cherry picks. That's something we're hearing a lot of. Has a solid hockey IQ and skill. Plays the offensive half of the court well and solid face offs gets the trash talking going. Overall 6 Alex game has improved remarkably this past year. Passing is better, vision is stronger and endurance is more solid. Does not maintain possession as strongly under pressure and still needs to work out shot accuracy. See? Very positive team member during this. It reoccurred to me. How funny what is actually happening right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

What you want to get as a glue guy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It just. It just reoccurred to what the we're actually doing right now. Anyway, Alex overall lean in. Alex's overall is an eight. So Jack six, Alex eight.

[Nat Attack]

Interesting.

[Eric Edelstein]

So tight. Katie, you want to do this one?

[Nat Attack]

Yeah. Anonymous7 says with a little caveat. These are both above average players in our league. It's close. Jack focuses on offense and sometimes leaves the goalie exposed when he doesn't have a defensive minded teammate. But his play in front of the opponent's goal gives him the slight edge. Overall, he ranks him a 5. Alex is the more well rounded player, contributing on both offense and defense. Defense getting a rank of a seven.

[Eric Edelstein]

Is that all of them?

[Rob]

That's all of them. And I have one tallying slide at that, please.

[Eric Edelstein]

So hold on guys. This is for all the marbles. The results.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jack and Alex are within three points and Jack was not a one or a two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

Therefore, Jack will apologize to Alice. Alex offering lessons in front of the team total averages. Jack, you are a 5.99 rounded up to 6. Alex, you are a 7.20 rounded down to 7. Alex claimed that he was a 6 and that Jack was a 5. Jack claimed that he was a 2 and Alex was an 8. Alex. Alex, you have won. Jackie boy, you have lost. Starting with the loser of ufc. They do not interview the guy who just got knocked out because of concussions. But we are going to use Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

May I do my catchphrase announcement? Let's get ready to humble.

[Eric Edelstein]

Nearly perfect G man. Jack, the microphone's yours. This is not your apology. That goes to the team. Alex, we ask you to film it. Jack, this is just your post game. This is the mic's on you. What's going on. Yeah.

[Jack]

I humbly accept defeat. You know, I think, I think that when I gave my analysis of Alex, I said he did everything right. He just need to improve his shooting and his score scoring. I was passing and I think that that was reflected in the responses. I'm gonna tape A5 next to my, my door and, you know, hit it every day.

[Eric Edelstein]

5.99, king.

[Katie Nolan]

Oh, yep, my bad.

[Jack]

I'm gonna tape a six next to my door and slap it on my way out the door every day. And, and we'll do nothing but, do nothing but hit the gym, hit the, you know, hit the court and get back to it.

[Nat Attack]

You feel a little bit embarrassed by passing?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. But do you feel a little embarrassed about no more dance either, about lessons, though? No, no, I, I think, you know, six to a seven.

[Jack]

Yeah, no, it's, I, I, I'm, I'm shocked by the passing remarks because I don't, I don't hold on to the ball very much. I either get the ball and pass or get the ball and shoot. I'm, I'm not good at controlling the ball all along.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I'm just. Katie, your thoughts really fast.

[Nat Attack]

I just that I was. Nice to hear. Humility for what I believe may be the first time ever.

[Eric Edelstein]

Ever.

[Nat Attack]

Hey, I'm really not very good at that.

[Eric Edelstein]

In, in, in closing, Jack, your final statements.

[Jack]

I am happy I get to play floor hockey with my friend Alex every Wednesday.

[Eric Edelstein]

What a beautiful ending. And now, Alex, the quiet leader, the polite alpha, the seven to Jack, six. How you feeling, big dog?

[Gemma]

You know, I'm feeling pretty good. I thought I'd feel better. Weirdly, you know, it's, you know, I'm think I'm thinking about it and our la. And I told Jack this after our last game. We actually, we ended up on the same team this last game. And I think our skills really complement each other in that, like when we're on the same team, I feel like we're pretty unstoppable because we kind of have the court vision and the defense that's needed on one side. And Jack can kind of do what he wants to do around the goal. And so I, you know, I, I feel like, you know, Jack, Jack does get, you know, deserves some credit here.

[Eric Edelstein]

You know what? This sounds to me, Alec, Alex, like you're a quarterback and Jack's the wide receiver and you understand that wide receivers are crazy, but you also know you're putting up good numbers with Antonio Brown.

[Nat Attack]

Oh, Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a squad you formed.

[Eric Edelstein]

But, you know, you're like in his prime. Number 84 could do some shit with the ball.

[Nat Attack]

Sure. Yeah, sure. A lot of other options, I think maybe.

[Eric Edelstein]

I know. I know a lot of other options. Hear you in a lot of ways. But number 84 could do some with the ball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without it, you don't even need to be on the field to do some.

[Eric Edelstein]

And so I understand where you're coming from, Alex, that is the answer of a quiet leader. Jack, do you mind the next game just standing in front of the team really quickly? Alex, do you mind filming it and sending it to us? And guys, I gotta say, both of you, I have you as winners, and I would love to see the two of you guys together as well as I'm did. I did a pickleball movie that's going to be coming out. And maybe there's going to be a press thing where I bring. I try to get you two guys out together as a team if there's any tournament.

[Nat Attack]

Now I just feel like I'm part of the press tour.

[Eric Edelstein]

Let's see what these boys can do. Let's see what these boys can do.

[Gemma]

We did that.

[Eric Edelstein]

All of a sudden, if you put these two boys together, they might win the goddamn tour thing.

[Gemma]

We. I will say we. For. For a little bit more context. We work at a college, and college.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[Eric Edelstein]

What state?

[Gemma]

You know, it's.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's.

[Gemma]

Let's keep the anatomy, you know.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, but what state, baby boy? Because I'm thinking in California, not English teachers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right?

[Gemma]

It's in Maryland. It's in Maryland.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Gemma]

And I will say we. We played pickleball last night against two girls that are on the varsity soccer team here, and we crushed them. It was a big moment for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, guys, just when you made fans out of everybody, you made it a little weird. I'll be totally honest with you. I was gonna say I'll also be involved this weekend if you would like to come. That's my premiere.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, you're gonna be in Maryland.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Where in Maryland? Bring the whole. Bring the team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, bring the whole team. Whatever. Who cares? I don't come.

[Nat Attack]

Do a tight five.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can do me a favor. Play floor hockey during the show. Show message Natalie, if you guys are interested in coming, but. Yeah, I don't know. I. How do we put a fine point on this? What do you.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'll tell you what, Katie, do you have any. You've been on a journey with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Eric Edelstein]

This is now the end. We're laying around all smoking cigarettes in the bed. Your thoughts?

[Nat Attack]

This Look, I think this worked out as perfectly as it could have. I think we went on a journey. We gathered numbers. I'm still holding on to a bit of disappointment for the rest of the league that they couldn't participate in a popular podcast asking for their opinion about something. But I'll let that go. I'll talk to my therapist about that. I think. I love that. When it all came down to it, Jack was slightly humbled, which I think I felt he needed. And Alex even came back from that humbling to say, like, hey, chin up, Jack. You're a great teammate, which is exactly what you want from your glue guy. So I feel like this is just gonna make them more successful on the court and closer as friends, which is all you can want at the end of the day.

[Eric Edelstein]

And then in terms of the press tour, will you tell us about your podcast a little bit?

[Nat Attack]

Oh, yeah. It's called Casuals. It's for people who think they don't like sports, but I contend it's just that nobody talks about it in a way that would interest them. So it's to help people. It's like a perfect setup. It's absolutely perfect. And it's been a blast and a joy to be.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're here to help audience members who don't think you like sports, but you've loved this. Check out Casuals. You're going to love it.

[Nat Attack]

Yes, you might.

[Eric Edelstein]

What's your. What's your final take on all this madness?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think even though it was a limited form of democracy, it did work. And I would say that both of our athletes seem to come off pretty good, except for the end when they talked about how they beat two women last night at the Pickle Ball. But, no, it feels like there's something to build on for both of our guys. And I'm just enjoying this. The post coital cigarette. And it's been a real pleasure, gentlemen.

[Eric Edelstein]

And what I would like to say to you guys.

[Nat Attack]

Thanks.

[Eric Edelstein]

Katie's a gentleman. What I would like to say to you guys in closing is, Alex, you've been validated, but don't forget who you are. Don't let this change you. What makes you good is that this victory doesn't feel sweet for you. And I'm also going to say just, Jack, you've been humbled, but don't forget who you are king. Because sometimes what makes you great is that the sword's sharp on both sides. We gotta go and run faster, Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't believe.

[Eric Edelstein]

Don't learn, Jack. Don't learn, Jack. Don't learn. Too big of a lesson here. Because a lot of these people who wrote are your competitors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who said under.

[Nat Attack]

He's undoing all of it. He's undoing everything.

[Eric Edelstein]

You get out there and you play your game. Game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're losing sponsors.

[Eric Edelstein]

The people who wrote this are the people who fear you and play against you. You understand what I'm saying, Jack?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do.

[Jack]

I do. I do.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay.

[Jack]

I'm more motivated than ever today.

[Eric Edelstein]

You should be. Because guess what? Anonymous one through six are afraid of you, Jack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And seven is you.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hey, gentlemen. Gentlemen. We love you. Thank you for the call. This was excellent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And thank you, Katie.

[Nat Attack]

Yeah, guys, thank you. This is so fun. Good luck with the rest of the season, boys.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Let us know how the season goes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. We want video of everything.

[Eric Edelstein]

Send us this video. And please follow up how the season goes and how you've changed.

[Gemma]

Absolutely.

[Eric Edelstein]

Bye, guys. All right, thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God bless.

[Eric Edelstein]

Bye.

[Jack]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, wow, what a ride. Wow, wow, what a ride.

[Nat Attack]

It's everything I hoped it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really was really great. It was an unpredicted ending. I did not think that was gonna be the ending.

[Eric Edelstein]

I thought Jack was gonna murder him. I thought Jack was gonna be. I thought it was 2 to 10.

[Nat Attack]

Also great producing. Cuz the first slide, I was like, shit, we're in for it. This is just gonna be a lot of this. And then it wasn't. It's perfect.

[Eric Edelstein]

Holy cow.

[Nat Attack]

I feel complete. I haven't been sleeping well the last few days and I didn't know what it was. And now I know it was this. I needed this.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're gonna sleep like a baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a baby.

[Nat Attack]

I'm asleep for two days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No doubt. We all are. Amazing.

[Nat Attack]

I feel complete.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, this is great, Katie. Thank you, Katie.

[Nat Attack]

Thank you so much for letting me come back. I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't either.

[Nat Attack]

Got to find a new league. We got to find a new league with more internal strife. And we got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Katie can be like the sports helper.

[Nat Attack]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

By the way, great. Anytime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Nat Attack]

Yeah, great.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm in.

[Nat Attack]

Anytime you get a sports question, I'm in here.

[Eric Edelstein]

I like that call so much. I don't want it over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but they're gone. And now we're just like weirdos hanging around here.

[Eric Edelstein]

So the last three people I eat toothpaste. Why do I do that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give a.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're a weirdo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you ever played floor hockey?

[Eric Edelstein]

What do you think about vision?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, come on. We bring in Alex and Jack. They're going to help you with this toothpaste issue. Alex, go first.

[Nat Attack]

They're quiet alphas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They lead. But white alphas, oh, yeah. Thank you so much, Katie.

[Nat Attack]

Thank you guys. You're the best. This is treat a joy. All the positive adjectives. You guys are the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Likewise. And appreciate it.

[Eric Edelstein]

Cool. See you.

[Nat Attack]

See you sometime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that was great. Great work, Nat. Rob.

[Eric Edelstein]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So mainly I'm not going to tell.

[Rob]

Him that you guys said that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Smart. I can't appear on camera first class.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's wrong.

[Jack]

I'd like to formally apologize to Alex for having such an ego that I.

[Eric Edelstein]

Thought I should give or that I should offer you four hockey lessons.

[Jack]

Will never happen again.

[Gemma]

Thanks, Jack.

[Eric Edelstein]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod podmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Eric Edelstein]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdyke. Animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Eric Edelstein]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two.

[Nat Attack]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Eric Edelstein]

Go to patreon.com heretohelp pod.

[Nat Attack]

Hi, I'm Rachel Bilson.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I'm Olivia Allen.

[Nat Attack]

And we host the podcast Broad Idea.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yes, that's now on Headgum. On our show, we chat with people like Britney Snow, Lucy Hale, Kristen Bell.

[Nat Attack]

Margaret Cho, Jake Johnson, and so much more.

[Eric Edelstein]

And we talk about all the things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You would talk about with your best.

[Eric Edelstein]

Friend, like your periods and mental illness.

[Nat Attack]

And the food you ate for lunch.

[Eric Edelstein]

Most importantly, listen to broad ideas on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you.

[Nat Attack]

Listen to your podcasts.