167: The People's Picks: Chronicles of Conor (Re-Release)

Summary

Episode 167: The People's Picks: Chronicles of Conor (Re-Release)

Release Date: April 30, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds
Podcast: We're Here to Help by Headgum

---

Introduction

In this re-released episode of We're Here to Help, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds delve into the ongoing saga of Connor, a recurring caller whose unique roommate dilemmas provide both humor and insightful discussions. Joined occasionally by friends and experts, the duo navigates through Connor's tumultuous experiences with Airbnb roommates, offering their unconventional advice along the way.

---

Connor's Roommate Chronicles

Timestamp: [07:02] - [50:00]

Connor, a 24-year-old from Northport, Florida, calls in to seek advice on his challenging living situations. Having recently secured an internship, Connor opted for a budget-friendly Airbnb arrangement, only to find himself sharing his space with senior citizens exhibiting domineering behavior.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson ([09:33]): "That's incredible."
• Gareth Reynolds ([10:33]): "I can't. I'm very excited for the problem because my mind..."
• Connor ([10:30]): "So, anyway, in our room there..."

Key Discussions:

• Initial Setup: Connor describes his first Airbnb experience with Roger and Cindy, two seniors who monopolize the common areas. Roger, likened to a "chatterbox," dominates interactions, leaving Connor feeling sidelined.

• Jake and Gareth's Pitches: The hosts introduce creative strategies to reclaim his common space:

  1. Roger vs. Roger ([17:11]): Engaging Roger by mirroring his actions to undermine his dominance.
  2. Smoke Them Out with Noises ([21:02]): Using disruptive activities like loud phone calls or music to make the common area less comfortable for Roger.
  3. Shoot the Hostage ([24:21]): Introducing parties or social gatherings to disrupt Roger's control.
  4. Workouts in the Common Area ([23:07]): Exercising in shared spaces to assert presence and reduce Roger's influence.

• Connor's Choices: After considering the advice, Connor opts to "smoke him out" while being considerate of Cindy, Roger's companion. This approach maintains harmony with Cindy while addressing Roger's overbearing behavior.

---

Follow-Up Calls from Connor

Timestamp: [50:00] - [91:08]

As Connor continues his roommate roulette, he shares updates on successive Airbnb experiences, each fraught with its own set of quirky and challenging individuals.

Notable Quotes:

• Connor ([57:06]): "He wanted. He had said, get the bowl."
• Gareth Reynolds ([75:13]): "How are you and Roberto getting rid of her?"
• Jake Johnson ([65:06]): "He's got to walk that line, or what?"

Key Discussions:

• New Roommates: Connor encounters Roberto, a non-English-speaking construction worker with nine fingers, and Maria from Russia, whose invasive behaviors further complicate his living situation.

• Dynamic with Maria: Maria's erratic behavior, such as repurposing kitchen utensils and making unsolicited offers of help, heightens Connor's need for effective conflict resolution strategies.

• Additional Advice:

  • Engage with Roberto through a barter system: Sharing meals in exchange for Modelos beers fosters a positive relationship.
  • Addressing Maria's Intrusiveness: Encouraging assertiveness in setting boundaries without escalating tensions.

• Latest Developments: Connor moves to Salem, Massachusetts, where he meets Dirty Mike, a 34-year-old with a questionable past but currently maintaining a clean living environment. However, Mike's eccentricities hint at potential future roommate challenges.

---

Carly's Concern: Keeping Terry Cool

Timestamp: [66:35] - [91:08]

In addition to Connor's tales, Carly calls in with a pressing concern about her 75-year-old father, Terry, living alone in Vancouver. Terry's reluctance to use air conditioning in the face of extreme summer heat has led to serious health repercussions, including a hospital visit for heat stroke.

Notable Quotes:

• Carly ([67:36]): "It's honestly really stressful."
• Jake Johnson ([70:10]): "What do I do if I'm you when you walk in? Turn that on."
• Gareth Reynolds ([80:43]): "Professor Connor Salem, but before we do that, my friend..."

Key Discussions:

• Health Risks: Carly emphasizes the dangers of overheating for senior citizens, particularly Terry, whose pride and hesitance to adopt modern cooling solutions exacerbate the problem.

• Jake and Gareth's Pitches:

  1. Smart AC Control: Installing Nest-like thermostats to remotely manage Terry's air conditioning without direct confrontation.
  2. Educational Approach: Creating a fake podcast clip to inform Terry about the health benefits of maintaining cooler indoor temperatures.
  3. Direct Engagement: Encouraging Carly to gently persuade Terry by emphasizing the importance of his well-being and the tangible benefits of a cooler home environment.

• Guest Appearance: Professor Connor Salem joins the discussion to validate the hosts' humorous approach, underscoring the critical need for maintaining appropriate indoor temperatures to prevent health issues like prostate enlargement.

Notable Quote from Professor Salem ([84:38]):

• Professor Connor Salem: "If they have the ability, 70 degrees and lower will improve their prostate and will improve their brain function."

---

Conclusion

Throughout this episode, Jake and Gareth navigate Connor's chaotic Airbnb experiences, offering a blend of humor and practical (albeit unconventional) advice. Simultaneously, they address Carly's serious concern with empathy and creativity, highlighting the podcast's balance between levity and meaningful support.

Final Notable Quotes:

• Jake Johnson ([91:05]): "We've used Squarespace multiple times to help people on this show. It offers services like everything you need to offer to get paid."
• Connor ([92:24]): "Thank you to Gareth and Jake for giving me advice during some of those trying times."

---

Key Takeaways

• Creative Problem-Solving: Jake and Gareth exemplify unconventional yet thoughtful approaches to addressing roommate conflicts and familial concerns.

• Empathy and Humor: The hosts maintain a balance between understanding their callers' predicaments and infusing humor to keep discussions engaging.

• Community Engagement: Encouraging listeners to participate through calls and feedback fosters a sense of community and shared experiences.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Jake Johnson ([17:11]): "You can't win in a war if they're fighting exactly the same as you."
2. Gareth Reynolds ([21:35]): "Full engagement. In another world, you could feign obliviousness very well."
3. Connor ([43:15]): "First day she comes in, it's around dinner time... turned the strainer into her own personal fruit bowl."
4. Professor Connor Salem ([84:37]): "If they have the ability, 70 degrees and lower will improve their prostate and will improve their brain function."

---

This episode artfully showcases the dynamic interplay between hosts and callers, providing listeners with both entertainment and actionable advice. Whether dealing with overbearing roommates or concerned family members, We're Here to Help continues to be a relatable and witty source of support.

Transcript

[Connor]

With a five dollar meal deal with new McValue. You pick a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small.

[Jake Johnson]

Drink and a four piece McNuggets.

[Connor]

That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money.

[Jake Johnson]

Prices and Participation may vary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

McDouble meal, $6 in some markets for.

[Jake Johnson]

A limited time only. Calling all ones and twos. We're conducting an audience survey at Gum Gum fm Slash here to help. And we would love to hear from you so we can keep making content that you love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know this, we know this. There are ads on our podcast. We want to improve that experience. But in order to do this, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is a quick, easy and free way to support the podcast. Take you two minutes and you'll be helping us out so much by doing it.

[Jake Johnson]

So go to Gumgum FM hereto help to fill out our audience survey. That's G U M FM hereto help. And we are back. So today is a re release today. Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And it is your turn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then we threw this on you last minute because we got a little bit of time. Jamila is coming in to record with us, but we've got a little open window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

So I said I could pitch on your pitch and you said it's unorthodox.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's highly unorthodox.

[Jake Johnson]

And I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's never been done before.

[Jake Johnson]

But let me explain where I'm coming from, okay? I released my last one. Mr. Hot takes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fantastic.

[Jake Johnson]

I was looking at the Spotify comments from Laura doll. Connor needs an episode like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, this is pretty.

[Jake Johnson]

From a lady name or a gentleman named Jade? Absolutely. Connor calls from Laura White. Connor episode for sure. 59, 67, 83, 101. Probably more emoji. Crying, laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Then there's another one. Number 104. Uncle Master Rodney's a gem. I don't remember that one, do you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he's really been on the show a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor. Yes, Agreed. And then it's. There was another one. Chronicles from Tom. Chronicles of Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Chronicles.

[Jake Johnson]

The Chronicles of Connor. So I think if you're okay with it, Gareth, and you can do the Gareth picks next. Let's do the Chronicles of Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's highly unorthodox, Jake. But. But it's also this, this show continues and always shall be democratic.

[Jake Johnson]

People are voting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The people have spoken.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what my brother and I are starting to do actually. So my brother is a bit of A web designer, and he's been creating a thing called Jury Search, which is a way for people to search for juries by. Because you can, like, pull people together. So we were talking the other day, and he's like, you know, I'm changing the app and I'm having it grow where it can. Where you can, like, as a group of people, all pick. And it's a database of picking, and I'm a database of picking. And I was like, why don't you flip it around for our show a little bit so that we can get all of our calls on that thing uploaded and people can pick what they want for a re release and who they want as a followup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great.

[Jake Johnson]

And he's like, he's going to work on it. So it's not ready yet. I'm just telling you now early because we were texting yesterday and getting excited about it at the beginning. It started because of these Connor comments where I was like, that's a good idea. Because I think what's different about this, when people go, like, you can hear them. I go, of course you can, but you can't hear them all together, God damn it. And this episode is a curated true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well. And we want to incentivize people to listen to all of it. But also, I think you're right. I think we have these. These people who really have become part of the world. Yeah. Like Robert, who you. You really fell hard for today.

[Jake Johnson]

Robert, for those who don't know what we're talking about, because this might be sooner than that. Although I don't know when Rob's coming out, but Robert was the Max Greenfield Circumcision character. And he called back and we got an update.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we got an update. And you fell hard. But Connor does deserve his own episode. So let's just get to it.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's just start to show you. I start the goddamn show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Really quickly. You're in a holiday and how do you like it? Did you get it on booking.com? yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is not a booking.com.

[Jake Johnson]

That'S why you're not happy with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right. When it's a booking.com booking. Yeah, I'm happy. This is through the club and it's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not great. And if people want to see Gareth Terrible live, how do they find you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They go to garethreynolds.com the next thing I have are dollop dates in June. You can go to dollarpodcast.com but then a lot of dates in August, a lot of dates all over.

[Jake Johnson]

Where you go?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reynolds.com. i'll be in Fort Collins again at one of the greatest clubs in the country, the Comedy Fort. I will be in Chattanooga. I'll be in Nashville. I'll be all around that little area. I'm doing a lot of the south lately, so it's fun.

[Jake Johnson]

So if any of our audience members are there, why don't you go check out the gman?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll have a good time. And the helpers come out. The gilly beans come out.

[Jake Johnson]

That's pretty cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great.

[Jake Johnson]

That is cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This feels like a do.

[Jake Johnson]

I do. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When we promise without further.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's nice. It's about me, which, you know, I like.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. I wanted to be nice to you. I like you. I like. I like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like you, buddy. That's not super weird.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, we're getting older.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we're not. We're getting younger, bro.

[Jake Johnson]

And we've been doing a lot of zooms. And again, all we do is look at each other's face for three hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we're gonna do some in person in May.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. Yes. And I want to get Eric Edelstein on more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. There's no pushback from the network.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that guy funny? And yes, Gareth, we gotta let him cook. We won't have him do a billion calls. Cause it'll just be us sitting there reacting. I know a couple and just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, you never know. You never know. We never know where a river will open from some weird pitch. So it's good to have him there, considering that, as we learned on Jamila's podcast, that, you know, he. He was a 711 healing Elvis.

[Jake Johnson]

Without further ado.

[Connor]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, here we go. And we are rolling. How are you?

[Connor]

Good, thank you. Sorry about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's okay. We're definitely gonna blame you for whatever technical we know.

[Jake Johnson]

It wasn't you, my guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. We're gonna put it on you.

[Jake Johnson]

We're in a new studio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're in a new studio. It's Gary.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth is in a new vest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, it's the old vest. What is your name? First of all, welcome to we're here to help America's number one podcast. What is your name? Age, roughly? Where are you calling from? And then we'll get into it.

[Connor]

Sure thing. My Name's Connor. I'm 24 and I am in Florida right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

24. What part of Florida?

[Connor]

Southwest Florida. Northport. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you imagine being 24 again?

[Jake Johnson]

Jake yeah, I feel it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. That's.

[Jake Johnson]

My vibe is 24.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never. Never.

[Jake Johnson]

Your vibe is mannequin and a raw stress for less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Connor. What? Unfortunately, Jake, you look like an action figure. Jake is murdering me over what would just be considered a lovely outfit.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, Someone has to step up the fashion on the show.

[Jake Johnson]

Do I have to raise my hand?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at you. What year are those New Balances from? Be honest. How many characters have you played that Wore those shoes?

[Jake Johnson]

7. Can I raise my hand?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Jake Johnson. We're here to help Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

He just started dressing up for the cameras because we're on YouTube.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've always been Connor. I always. Jake. Connor, don't listen to Jake. This is what Jake does. What has happened? Always. I've always. Cheeks are getting red.

[Jake Johnson]

I've always hurt in the outfit. Because you have earthy tones.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've always been a fashion icon, and I'm just continuing that today.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Connor, what is the problem?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have the problem. Go ahead, Connor. What's your problem?

[Jake Johnson]

Your problem is your face is too red for your earthy outfit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, go ahead. Whenever you're ready. What can we do to help you, buddy?

[Connor]

So my problem is I gotta go hunting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead, Connor. What's going on? Sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

Hunting for a new vest.

[Connor]

I recently got an internship down here in Florida.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Connor]

So I needed to find some quick housing, and I found a nice cheap one. It was Airbnb, but it's one of those ones where you share it with other renters. So, like, I have a room, but we share a common.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, sure. So you're just. You're renting a room?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a dorm, almost.

[Connor]

I'm renting a room. We've all done it on Airbnb.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. I didn't realize Airbnb did that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're doing everything.

[Connor]

I don't know. They're fancy these days.

[Jake Johnson]

So rather than going through. Okay, so you're renting a room through Airbnb. You got an internship. You're in a room. Okay, you're back.

[Connor]

So my roommates, they're very nice people. They are senior citizens. They each have their different ways of life.

[Jake Johnson]

That's incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is great.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, quick question about your group. How many people?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old?

[Jake Johnson]

What are the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, what's the range?

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm going to tell you why, because I'm going to steal it and I'm going to sell it to NBC.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a TV show. In my head, I was like, keep this in the back pocket.

[Jake Johnson]

So eventually, Connor, we might use this and Guess what? You'll get a chunk of change too, baby boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wouldn't go chunk as far as chunk.

[Jake Johnson]

Lawyer. Please define chunk shred.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, $8 is a chunk a morsel.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Connor, what are your roommate situations?

[Connor]

One, I'll give you. They're Roger and Cindy. They're both in their 60s.

[Jake Johnson]

I love this.

[Connor]

And are they a couple? Yeah, they're both in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are they together?

[Connor]

No, they're not all individuals.

[Jake Johnson]

You got Rod, you got Cindy.

[Connor]

We have each individual room respect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Connor]

Okay. So anyway, in our room there.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, it's the three of you. You got Roger, you got Cindy, you got Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't. I'm very excited for the problem because my mind.

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, if there's no problem, this is just a setup. I'm into talking about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Just discuss before the next call what's going on with Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is our side podcast. We're here to gossip.

[Connor]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. We're here to gab about Roger and Cindy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, really quick, Connor, is there any vibage between Raj and Cindy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Connor]

I'm gonna tell you what. Cindy stays to herself, okay? To herself. I've seen her twice in my time. I've been here.

[Jake Johnson]

What's Cindy's kind of story is like, what does she do for work? Do you know Cindy?

[Connor]

She's visiting some family down here, and she's from the Midwest, so she has a Midwest accent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Loves, but she does.

[Connor]

Usually keeps to herself, and she stays in her room for muck.

[Jake Johnson]

And I got a feeling Roger's the dog. He's barking at everyone's business. Is that true, Connor? What's Roger doing?

[Connor]

So Roger. Yeah, he is the chatterbox of the house.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he's the dog.

[Connor]

He is. He's very talkative. He likes to be out and about.

[Jake Johnson]

So Roger is basically me and Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Won't shut up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Just always down for a fat chew, hanging out at the kitchen island.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you what this show needs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, is a fucking Cindy narrating everything. More eggs.

[Jake Johnson]

Another Ve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Another cough. Okay, we're really getting vest heavy on this, Kevin. We're getting privacy through a vest pass and editing.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. Take it off. Come on, you can't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen to Jake wanting less layers. Classic.

[Jake Johnson]

Classic Roger. So you've got Roger talks all the time. Cindy's quiet. Connor, what's your vibe in the house?

[Connor]

My vibe is I come in and Roger's there. So this is where the problem. Roger, he has Started to secretly claim the common area for his nightmare. He has completely taken it over. Whether that. Tim. Yeah, like doing laundry out there in the common room where it's not near his room. He might be watching TikTok full volume, taking phone calls on speaker. While we're out there.

[Jake Johnson]

Roger is acting like it's his home and he's the dad.

[Connor]

Oh, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

So dad doesn't wear a shirt in his goddamn living room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I get this. Okay, so, okay, so in the common room we have the laundry. Do we have a tv?

[Jake Johnson]

No, not the laundry, his laundry. He's just.

[Connor]

There is not a TV in this common room.

[Jake Johnson]

So he's blasting his phone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kitchen is in the common area, obviously.

[Connor]

Yeah, yeah, the common area. We got the kitchen, all that stuff. Yeah, he's right there. All right, so Connor claimed the couch for himself.

[Jake Johnson]

So this is good stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Roger's pissed on that area as he's the dog.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so Roger's in the center. Your vibe, which I like how you describe yourself as you're just coming home and Roger's claiming the center.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, that was work.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Is. Is that similar to what's happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bought some hummus and carrots if you want to have any of those with me. Connor.

[Connor]

It's funny you guys said like he's the dog because he's got this little 14 year old dog as well that loves to just yap around. And I'm pretty sure that dog's leaked a little bit here and there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think Roger House too.

[Jake Johnson]

What's the dog's name?

[Connor]

The dog's name is Millie. It's one of those tiny white ones.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a little. One second, one second. I added a dog named Millie. I got a little connection.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you've broken through chicks.

[Jake Johnson]

You probably met Millie because it was in the Rowena apartment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah, that little beagle. Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Look at us. Okay, so keep going. Connor, walk us through. So wonderful setup. I'm liking everything about this. I wish there was little cameras hidden around your apartment so I could just watch. This would be my favorite show. Yeah, this would be my favorite show. So what's the problem?

[Connor]

I'm trying to win the common room back because Roger, he as being a chatterbox. I'll go in there and he's in the common room. Whenever I arrive, whenever I leave, he's always there. So I've tried to wait him out before.

[Jake Johnson]

He can't wait out. An old time guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

There's one thing you're not going to be a 60 year old man. Connor stays up. Connor, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you this as a 45 year old man and you're a 24 year old, you get more stubborn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every five years and more desperate for interaction. Like a lot of this is probably coming from Roger really wanting to hang out with you.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't see that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you, do you. Do you feel like he's like pining for your friendship a little bit? Connor, or is he just a lunatic hanging out?

[Jake Johnson]

He's just claiming space.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't know him.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Connor]

I felt you guys might say this, you know, as. Cause I do. I have felt that, you know, at times he can be looking for. We're just chatting. Cindy, she keeps to herself. So he doesn't have a Cindy to talk to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Connor]

And so it's him and I. But he's also started doing this pet peeve lately.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Connor]

And this is mostly why I had to call in, because I needed to change something. And that is whenever we're in talk and conversing, he'll start pointing. And what I mean by that is he points and then he asks you a question about what he just said. So whether he's in the middle of a conversation, this is what I'll be like. And you know who showed up. And then he points at me asking me to guess who showed up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So this is more my.

[Connor]

I don't know who showed up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's kind of mad. He wants you to mad lib with him. Basically. You fill in the yeah with a point.

[Jake Johnson]

But he also wants to make sure that you're listening, that you're staying focused, that you're paying attention to him. And I'm going to tell you why. Because it's his space. So what happens to men, in my opinion, and possibly women, but I will just say men for sure is as we get older, everything becomes World War I. And that is there's a line in the sand. And you go, I'd rather die of 10 infections than move 1 inch backwards.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Jake Johnson]

I'd rather rats eat me out from every hole in my body than give you motherfuckers one inch. And that's what's happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right?

[Jake Johnson]

He said he and Cindy are fine. He goes, who the fuck is this brat? And this brat's coming in my space. So I'm gonna tell you a story. Connor. Hey, Connor. What's my name right now pointing at you? My name is Jake. You got to say it faster. You see what he just. What I just did there I rogered you. I took control. I dominated you. Yeah, he's dominating you. Connor, I got my first pitch. Connor, I got my first pitch. Am I too early to pitch? Do you have more info?

[Connor]

No, that's basically the whole gist of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you want to stop.

[Jake Johnson]

He wants to take over the space.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to take the space back. And Roger has the pointing oddity. Okay, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

So I got my first.

[Connor]

He has a stronghold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Well, he's win. It's World War I, and right now he's got the territory you want. So my pitch is going to be called. You got a Roger Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So you've got to Roger Roger. What I mean by that is you're in the space earlier than him. You're telling stories, pointing at him. You do an impression of Roger to Roger where he likes to be on the couch. You get there first. You're doing your laundry. So Roger has to deal with Roger. So guess what? You can't win in a war if they're fighting exactly the same as you. And that might make him go like, holy shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fire with fire.

[Jake Johnson]

Roger with Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Roger with Roger. I like that a lot. I think that's. My fear would be that Roger is going to. I mean, like it. Yes. And that you will find now that you're like, Jesus Christ, Roger has, like, sucked you into his world.

[Jake Johnson]

Guess what? Connor might like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You might. Let me ask you this, Connor. What? What do you like. Do you like your room? Because, like, I got to be honest, I definitely like what Cindy's approach. Cindy's. I would die on Roger. Cindy's like, Roger's out of his mind. I want no part in this. I'm going to make my room the common space for me, and I'm gonna just sit in here.

[Jake Johnson]

Cindy's normal. You know who Conor is? Roger Jr. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm saying I say that with love. I say that with love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Diagnosis, Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

I say that with love because guess What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Roger Jr. You have Roger. Well, we all become Roger Gym. Like, remember when you go to the gym, there's always like an old guy who's hanging out there and he wants to talk or on the plane sometimes there's a guy who is. Or like the bar, there's always a guy who's there. And you, like. You're not trying to have a conver, but you, like, look into eye contact and you're like, jesus, that guy's looking at me and he's like, I was from Michigan.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I Think our Rogers are different. Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I think your Roger is looking for human connection. And I think my Roger is drawing arbitrary lines in the sand and defending them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, what is your gut? Do you feel like it's more like the Jake thing where he's kind of just trying to dominate a space? Yes. He's trying to be the alpha.

[Jake Johnson]

Or is he looking for human characters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or is there a little sadness under this?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, where are we at? And then we can go forward.

[Connor]

At first I withheld for that. I thought it was a little bit of sadness. But now I firmly believe it is about marking territory and that he is trying to outweigh me.

[Jake Johnson]

So I'm going to just make a claim on this call. And this is now more to my friend. Gareth. You're projected, my king.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is a sadness.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's step away from it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Title.

[Jake Johnson]

But title for a different call. That's when you call in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This will be great.

[Jake Johnson]

But this is not this call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let me ask you this. Does he drink?

[Jake Johnson]

Good question.

[Connor]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you drink?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. 24 year old in southwest Florida. When you say, I mean like, you mean like, like Jaeger or like 100 million beers? Like I don't like drink right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you like to party?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not you. Do you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, he does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I would start.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, I mean like party like right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think there's cocaine right now. I'll do a bump. I think there is some leverage here to maybe if you make the common space a little bit also. Do you have friends out there?

[Connor]

They know he just coming down eventually, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I would start adding a little bit of party to the mix in the common room.

[Jake Johnson]

But we also don't want to fuck up Cindy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Cindy's weak.

[Jake Johnson]

But Cindy matters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's collateral to me. You got to shoot the hostage. Sorry, Cindy, you're in the bedroom. You're hanging out like a weird cat. You got your litter box in there?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a feeling she's pissing in jars. I. I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you're projecting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've pissed in a lot of jars. I think maybe you bring a bottle of 151 out there one night and you start bringing the hammer down a little bit. I feel like that's going to maybe that might counteract or throw some sand on the Roger energy.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So the another thing you could do here, Connor, is smoke them out. And I don't mean with actual smoke. It's just the idea of making the common space less comfortable. So you figure out what Roger likes about that common Space. And you take. So one of the things, if he likes sitting there listening to his tick tock. Well, you're in the kitchen listening to your phone even louder. So like if I go to a restaurant by myself, which I like to do, and some asshole has their phone without headphones.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And they're watching their.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's insane.

[Jake Johnson]

I hate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Insane.

[Jake Johnson]

But what I now do. And I'll tell you a real story that just happened the other day. I was with Eric Edelston.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

We were walking down by the arroyo, having a pleasant time, quiet, nice kind of rainy day, just loving it. Some fucking asshole on the hike behind us has his music crazy playing on a speaker. So I hear this guy from 300ft behind me. So Eric goes, brother, let's be mature. Well, I chose not to. I choose not. I choose to smoke him out. And you know what I did? I turned my phone volume as loud as it can get. So when he was near us, we were in a world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And what I was saying is like, hey, asshole, we can all ruin a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really. In this society we have. The auditory privacy is absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Headphones are the best. We all have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. So what I like that a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

What I would do is there's a version of you smoke him out. So one is, you know Roger to Roger, and you imitate him. Smoke him out means you're in there. While he's in there, if he's talking to you, you're playing music, you're playing whatever you want to listen to. You're on the phone with a friend, talking at full volume.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, FaceTiming with full volume is good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Full engagement. In another world, you could feign obliviousness very well.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. And then you've got the shoot the hostage, and that is turn the center into a party. When you're hearing these ideas of the idea of party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got two more.

[Jake Johnson]

Go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. What about working out? Do you work out?

[Connor]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now you do it in the common room.

[Jake Johnson]

I remember you used to do this, the P90.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I used to do the P90X. And let me tell you, nothing alienates others neighbors. There can be walls. If you do that in the common area, that's gonna make him feel very, very strange. But then I also have the Hail Mary. And this is where I'm talking about some ally forces.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you go to Cindy and you let Cindy know that Roger has moved his troops way too far into this area. And you are worried about annexation. I'm getting too deep into it. And now you and Cindy want to have dinner in the common space. Try to make Roger feel like the third wheel a little bit and see if that'll put the gopher back in the hole.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, that's interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So you go to Cindy and you go, look, I understand you like your privacy. I like my privacy. I feel like Roger's gotten way too comfortable. I think for a little bit. If you and I can do a couple things out there, I'll buy us some noodles, we sit out there, we hang out, we have a gab. I think that'll make Roger feel like the third wheel and maybe he'll go home.

[Jake Johnson]

So obviously that has a big win, big danger zone. I can see it from Cindy's point of view.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You might have to start sleeping with Cindy, but I think for me, that's worth it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a different show. It doesn't go to NBC, but we could still sell it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, of course.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Connor, you got Roger to Roger, where you essentially do an impression of Roger to Roger non stop. When he's doing laundry, you're doing laundry. When he's telling a story, you're telling a story. When he's watching TikTok, you're watching TikTok to the point of he goes like, this fucking kid's driving me nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And he's driving me so nuts, the only way to get away from him is go to my room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The other one is smoke them out with noises. Facetiming music. You're in his space while he is third. Shoot the hostage. You literally bring a bottle of booze, party your fucking ass off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're going through a dark time and.

[Jake Johnson]

He'S gotta feel that and bad news at work. And guess what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get a decanter.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep, Cindy's gonna pay the price too for that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But you are now exploding the dynam the apartment to get him and Cindy out and start over. Four is the workout. You just start doing your sweaty, gross workouts in the common space.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be the grunty guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Be the grunty guy. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two more, Conor.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And you're in shorts and T shirts and you're laying on a yoga mat on the floor and he hates it. Five is connect with Cindy and turn him into the third wheel. Connor, back to you, our 24 year old friend who is still wet behind the ears, starting life. What are you gonna do, young man?

[Connor]

You gave a lot of good options there. Fellas, I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like he's a joke. You both present pretty good Arguments I like.

[Connor]

I'm leaning towards smoke him out. I feel that sets a tone. Yeah, it gives you, like, a little bit of fire. Fire versus fire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Connor]

And I'm not putting Cindy in the middle of harm's way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

I respect this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So you're going for an old smoke amount, but you're being sensitive to Cindy as you smoke them out. If she's not in the house, things get weird. If she is, you walk away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's right.

[Connor]

If it escalates, I think I go with the Hail Mary option and I try to team up with Cindy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting. Okay, dinner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to get to know her, but I think that's right.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're starting smoke them out, and if it goes sideways, you're having a great talk with Cindy and saying, the reason I'm doing this is because of this. Do you want to team up? And if she. She says no, you leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you. You cut ties. There's. Airbnb has a lot of different places.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Connor]

I can see, like, Cindy has dropped little hints here and there in the two times I've seen her that Roger is not her type of guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I think you. You got that play if you need it. For sure. That's good enough.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on to that. Because in World War I, the way to win is you got to get more countries as allies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

But the first thing you do is you run right for that line. You try to knock them on their goddamn ass and get them fucking backtrack and into their territory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's. I think it's good. I think both. I think they work in conjunction well, too. You know, I do, too.

[Jake Johnson]

And, Connor, when you say you like to party, what's a party for you? What are you drinking? Walk us through a little bit of that evening really fast before we get out of here.

[Connor]

No, it's a lame type of party, I'll tell you that.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, let's hear what it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that mean?

[Connor]

What's that? It's just like, go out on a weekend, have a few. One, two, three. Something like that. By the way, beers and.

[Jake Johnson]

What kind of beers? We drink in 1, 2, 3. A couple of shots. 1, 2, 3 shots ever.

[Connor]

Yeah, I'm not. What. It was probably like Coronas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corona's maybe a shot or two or.

[Jake Johnson]

No, one, two, three. Tequila.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You make eye contact with a guy across the bar who's got a stuffed parrot on his shoulder, and he holds one nostril shut and gives you A wink. Do you meet him in the bathroom or 1, 2, 3 or. No, you see a guy.

[Connor]

No, I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor, you see a guy at the bar. He's wearing a vest. He looks like he's a manager. Connor, thanks for calling from Ross Dress for Less.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks for the call. Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you walk up or do you run?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Hug him.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye, Connor.

[Connor]

Bye, guys. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by something that I have in my home and that is Skylight Calendars. Skylight Calendar is basically your old school calendar made digital. It looks like a calendar. You see it like a calendar. It's not like the calendars on your phone. You can visually see it in that old school way, which I love. But it can also put things on from your technology, which makes it easier. I bought one for my wife. She loved it. We talked about on the show and now they are sponsors. It's a pretty full circle. Skylight Calendars and I like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are very happy to have this sponsor because Jake and I were talking just about how hard it is for us to keep our calendars straight. You know, whether you're someone who uses sticky notes or you just kind of get lost in your calendar, Skylight Calendar is here to keep your family organized. So right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to skylightcal.com here to help. Go to skylightcal.com Here to help for $30 off your 15 inch calendar that is S K-Y L I G H T C A L.com heretohelp help. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. As we have always said, we love Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform design that helps you stand out, succeed online.

[Jake Johnson]

If anybody listening to this wants to just have a little bit of fun, why don't you start a Squarespace website, use our code here to help and they'll take 10 off your first purchase. And let's make a website design. Jake and Pam forever. And it's just about our love story. We'll have people submit just different images, fan fiction, and we'll surprise Gareth with it online. So if anybody actually decides to do this, please email it into the show and I'll surprise Gareth during one of our intros.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've used Squarespace multiple times to help people on this show. It offers services like everything you need to offer to get paid. It's all in one place. From consultations to events to experiences. There's cutting edge design tools so anyone can build a bespoke online presence that perfectly fits their brand. Blueprint AI Squarespace's AI enhanced website builder. So you can get a fully custom built website in just a few steps. What you need to do do is go to squarespace.com here to help for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code here to help to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's here to help squarespace.com here to help for a free trial. Go get them.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah. Every time I use booking.com to travel anywhere in the United States, it does exactly what I need. In reality, I like to use booking.com to book family vacations. Currently figuring out a movie and we're talking about housing and we are using booking.com to book everything we need for cast and crew. Because LA is making it so hard to shoot here, we have to go elsewhere. That's a shot at you, LA Newsome. Come on baby, let's play. And if I want to get the best place, I go to booking.com to get what I need. If I need to visit my lover, Pam Reynolds, I use booking.com and we find a little love suite someplace in the middle between she and I. I always pay. If you want to make booking easy, you want to get exactly what you want in any city, go to booking.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you go to booking.com or the app, there's everything. You really get a sense of what you're going for. Whether you want a pool, you want no pool, you hate pools, you hate water, you want a sauna, you want a gym, who knows? Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com booking. Yeah.

[Connor]

Hey, how's it going?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. Welcome back.

[Connor]

Well, thanks for having me back, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're welcome. Who are you and. And what did you call about? What's your follow up? We have no clue. So just Kia.

[Connor]

Okay. Yeah. My name's Connor. I called about living with senior citizen roommates.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My mother. My mother listened to this one and loved it. She was so invested it.

[Connor]

I'm glad to hear that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you basically have a place where you're sharing space with some seniors and one of the seniors is kind of is. Is a very. He's taken over the space.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And.

[Jake Johnson]

And kind of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a 24.

[Jake Johnson]

And you are what, 24 years old. But I remember you didn't party your Party was like two Coronas or something like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Wild, man.

[Connor]

You guys got a good memory. Yeah. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

So, so, so year. And this was one where we really did. What was the advice on this, Garf? Because I remember this was like fight fire with fire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we said it was like.

[Jake Johnson]

Kill the hostage or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. Well, I think we started with. I think we said try to form a united front with the other person.

[Jake Johnson]

What was her name? Wendy or something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Barbara or something.

[Connor]

Cindy. Cindy. Roger and Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we. We said sidebar with Cindy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And go for that. And then I think may. What did we land on? Did we land on the idea Roger's.

[Jake Johnson]

Life miserable to work out in the living room?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Work out in the living room. Be very, like, listen to things out.

[Jake Johnson]

Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Roger, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor, yes. I walk.

[Connor]

I think we settled on smoking them out. And then if not, it would go to Cindy and, like, try to form the front. Front with Cindy and just force Roger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To get out of there.

[Jake Johnson]

There. Well, I'm dying. What's happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're edging us.

[Connor]

Yeah. So the attempt to smoke him out was not very smoky. He did not really get bothered by it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What did you do exactly?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, walk us. Walk us through. Because if you tried to smoke them out the way you party, he might not even know you were smoking them out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he might not have known you were there.

[Jake Johnson]

I tried to smoke him out. I turned my TV volume at a 38 rather than a 33.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I used the dimmer switch, which put it pretty bright. Not all the way up.

[Jake Johnson]

Very bright. And then I took the light bulbs. They were 14 Vol. I made them 18 in the bathroom. It's way too bright. It's way too bright. It's very. With the white walls, it's uncomfortable to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's very high. I mean, it's tolerable, but barely.

[Jake Johnson]

Roger likes a soft toilet paper. I did two plies harder still.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Soft, but not quilted.

[Jake Johnson]

Baby, I'm not gonna go insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy that, Roger.

[Jake Johnson]

Perhaps it'll be a little less comfortable for you, Raj.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The subtle hemorrhoid, I call it.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Connor, how did you smoke this maniac out? What'd you do?

[Connor]

So started doing things like go out there, start going on facetimes or phone calls on speaker. Just trying to let my presence be known.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Connor]

And it seemed like he couldn't even hear it. And so anyway, though, I went this.

[Jake Johnson]

Thing, by the way, that's an issue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. Yep. There needs to be a lot smoke.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Connor]

I went to go to Cindy and she wasn't.

[Jake Johnson]

But. Hold on, hold on, Connor. So all you tried to do is smoke them out was make calls in the living room?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

What else, Connor?

[Connor]

Well, here's the thing, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Talk to us.

[Connor]

I am trying to work through this story because the story gets so much better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

Go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go, baby. Go, baby.

[Connor]

Yeah. So the whole point, like. So I tried to make this front with Cindy. Cindy's not there. Lo and behold, I go to Roger. I say, do you know where Cindy is? He goes, I have no idea. We find out she's been gone for three days. She left in the middle of the night. From this, Roger and I form a friendship, and it goes great. For however long he stays there, he. When he parts ways, he gives me a hundred shark teeth and we called it a day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, Jake. I'm. No, Jake. You hold on. He gives you a. Was there any. Had you talked about shark teeth? Or was this. Has he sort of seceded from Florida? And he's kind of come up with his own currency. He's like, here's next month's rich.

[Jake Johnson]

I think the currency down in certain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Parts of Florida, it's certainly a Jimmy restaurant. You can pay with.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I get two burgers and fries? That'll be nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

31 shark teeth.

[Connor]

He. He. We had mentioned, because he would go, like, during his time in the morning, he'd be like, yeah, you know, I went to the beach and got these shark teeth. And I was like, oh, sweet. And so then when he left, he just gave me all these shark teeth. Yeah, I just got a bunch of shark teeth. I thought, you know, it was pretty neat. Sure. Yeah. He. Then after that, he left. I thought I had the house to myself. Less than five hours later, my next set of roommates come in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, and we're replacing Cindy. And now. So we don't know what happened to Cindy, why she left like a thief in the night that just happened.

[Connor]

Not a clue. Not one bit. We don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so now you have two new people coming in. Let's go.

[Connor]

And so their names are. So instead of it being senior citizens, these guys are. They are foreign citizens. They are immigrants who have come over. One is Mexican. His name is Roberto. He doesn't speak a lick of English. He has nine fingers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is incredible.

[Jake Johnson]

You're living a wild life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Connor]

Is incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Roberto, we got Roberto, who's number two, by the way. The other one is.

[Connor]

Yeah, here. The other one is Maria. She is from Russia. And Roberto and I, we think she Stinks. She is terrible. A terrible roommate.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, as a person or literally smells bad?

[Connor]

No, just as a person.

[Jake Johnson]

How do you communicate with Roberto if.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There'S not your sign language?

[Connor]

He's got some basic. Like he knows some regular key phrases which are main shark teeth. Like, like hello. I don't think he really knows my name, to be honest. Like, he tried.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait.

[Connor]

But anyway.

[Jake Johnson]

Hold on, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not to Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

Kevin just wrote in our group chat, you should get him Babel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is what that we love. And we would highly recommend you both should use Babel. Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, we might do. Connor. We're going to talk to Babel about sending you guys through them a subscription to Babel to figure out how to communicate and then maybe have you guys as a follower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God, Yes. If we could have.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, goodness.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I will just pop champagne at their hq.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you try to get on that and see if we can do it? And if we can, we'll do a follow up with Roberto and Connor and see how Babel's working for him. So back to you, Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Connor]

Well, our main form of communication, we figured out a way, our own bartering system because he'd make all this real deal Mexican food almost every night and he. I get some of that Mexican food and in return, at the end of each week I buy him a case of Modelos.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Connor]

So that's how It's a great deal.

[Jake Johnson]

Roberto have a real budding friendship here.

[Connor]

Oh yeah, it's pretty great. And then Maria came along and it's just been. It's just. There's been an energy in the house. It's just. Well, so.

[Jake Johnson]

I like you a lot, Connor. I'm just gonna say you've made my. You've made my morning a lot better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not only like you, but I. I love your predicament. You live. You, I mean you are. Are really living.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta say, Gareth Connor's a great guy, man. I mean, Roberto's a great guy. We got this thing, but the freaking. Maria came in from Russia and she's stinking up the joint.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. While he's just sort of like.

[Jake Johnson]

I imagine. Yeah. He's got 100 sharks in that teeth around his. And he's like. And Cindy, she's dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Cindy, obviously she's been murdered.

[Jake Johnson]

She has been murdered. She's in somebody's old. Old. She's in a trunk of an Oldsmobile down in like, God, down in Miami.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hired a P.I. but it almost. He needs 400 shark teeth.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But the P.I. is going to be Connor's next roommate. He's 65 years old. He's trying to break. He's got a drinking problem. So, Connor, So you and Roberto have this beautiful relationship, but falling in love with this relationship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you and Roberto soft dating. Now walk us through the Maria.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean Gareth. In every project I've ever done, I've written Roberto as my side character.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a wonderful dynamic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

True. I'm trying to think of one where you have.

[Jake Johnson]

There's always a Roberto. We don't communicate in English at all. He's got nine fingers. But he's an amazing chef and he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Goes with me most places.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. We've become best friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is. Give us some specifics on the Maria issues if you could, Connor.

[Connor]

So the first day she comes in, it's around dinner time. And. And as someone. If you remember, I said I was down here on an internship.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Connor]

And so I'm got a small budget and I'm a big pasta eater, like eating pasta. And I'm getting. Getting ready to make some dinner.

[Jake Johnson]

But walk me through. Okay, so you and Roberto have this really nice thing. You're married. Great food. You're giving a beer, by the way. Fair trade. Well played. I like doing that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love it.

[Jake Johnson]

And Marie comes in with this fucking stank attitude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And so how are you from Russia with hate?

[Jake Johnson]

How are you and Roberto getting rid of her?

[Connor]

Well, that's what we're. I'm calling you guys about. But I was going to.

[Jake Johnson]

We're going to give you the same advice. You got to out. Roberta. Roberta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Rocks.

[Jake Johnson]

You got to out. Marie. Marie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is she doing, Connor?

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What, what is Maria doing that's so crazy?

[Connor]

I got three things that just send me over the edge here.

[Jake Johnson]

Talk to us.

[Connor]

First one, I came back for to have dinner. I'm trying to eat some pasta. I'm looking for the strainer in the house. Strainer is nowhere to be seen. She's so near that. Where is the strainer? She sees me looking and goes, oh, are you looking for this? She has turned the strainer into her own personal fruit bowl. And when she did that, she's like, do you want it back? And I said, yes, yes, I would like that back. Yes, please. I need that trainer.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the reason you do it for a fruit bowl is you can water them all at once. Put it right in the sink. I've done it. Continue.

[Connor]

All right. Second was I. It was a weekend day, went out, came back in And I guess I don't know if she thought she was home alone, but she's out in the kitchen making some food. And again, they're not as old as Roger and Cindy, Roberto and Maria, but they're also pushing 55.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Connor]

And she is. She's in the kitchen just in a towel, just straight from a shower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we talking under. Under armpits or just waist.

[Jake Johnson]

It's got to be. She can't be let in those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like we would hear that.

[Jake Johnson]

Detail, but, yeah, I mean, you gotta lead out with that. That is. That is a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what you say. Tits out.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. That is a top of call problem. My roommate cooks pasta with her breasts out, and I don't know what to do. That is a top of call. That's. That's. We're going straight to Patreon Live.

[Connor]

She. She just. She's out there, though, and we're talking, and she's not. She has no problem doing nothing. And I'm holding my ground. I'm like, who's gonna break first here?

[Jake Johnson]

And who did? Connor, what happens? How do you get out of that situation?

[Connor]

Because no one brought it up. She's like, you know, I gotta go, like, back to my room. I was like, okay, you do you. Maria, what's going on? And anyway, though, the. The best one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[Connor]

The best one was I came home from work and she meets me at the door and she goes, hey, you work at this place, right? And I'm like, yeah. She goes, well, that's really convenient because I have a colonoscopy appointment tomorrow at about, like, two minutes from where you work, and my car broke down and where we live. I don't know if I can get an Uber in time. Like, I can reserve it. So can you drive me to the colonoscopy? And I said, maria, sure thing. I'll drive you to this colonoscopic. And we get there, or we're driving. It's a painfully awkward car ride there where she's telling me about why she needs to get this colonoscopy. And at the end of it, the end of the day, I come back from work, she's back home now she's telling me about, like, oh, how thankful she is for this, for me taking to the colonoscopy. And I'm like, yeah, no problem. And then she takes a deep breath and she's like, I'm sorry, but what's your name again? She did that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Connor, would you write a book, my man? I'LL write the forward for it. Let's see what we can do with you. That's a great short story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

And so, Connor, we're in a situation here where you're living with a maniac again. And is the question on this follow up, how do we get rid of Marie?

[Connor]

Well, we don't have to go that extreme, I'd say. But if there's a way that we can figure out how, that she can start acting with some roommate etiquette, that would be great. If we can't figure that out, though, I'm always down for how Roberto and I get her to a new Airbnb or something. I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I mean, here's. Here's. Here's what I honestly think. I don't think this is a fight fire with fire. I don't think this is an out. Marie. Marie. I think this is a good old case of sometimes you're in a bunker and your enemy's in a bunker and you're fighting for a line in the middle and you just gotta wait it out. She's gonna disappear in the middle of the night like Cindy. So I would say water the flower that is the relationship with Roberto and let Marie eventually, you know, you could always, just for the fun of it, try to out. Marie. Marie. Start walking around in a towel. You could try to use her stuff as, you know, like her strainers, but that doesn't really work. You could ask her every day what her name is, but I don't think you're gonna make a dent in this one.

[Connor]

The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The issue with someone who is kind of. That lacks inhibition on that level is that it's a hard one to fight fire with. Because she likes fire. Yes. So what only thing I could think of would be, is if you can find someone to maybe replace her to try to get into that living situation that you have vetted in your actual life. If there's someone who's also an intern that you work with or if that's any way to.

[Jake Johnson]

He doesn't want a normal intern in there. Connor, you're running a circus out of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You like the freak show, Connor? Is that what's going on?

[Connor]

It's. I don't know if I like it, but it is fun when every day I get to have a story to tell my parents.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, here's what we got to jump off. Connor. Here's what I'm truthfully asking. Will you call back in three months and just the update is just simply what's happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you have a great. You're living in a premise of a sitcom.

[Jake Johnson]

Kevin. Let's start calling Connor's follow up with. With Connor. Just what's up with Connor's roommates.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Connor's Corner.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor's Corner. And then you want to just have a corner of our show, Connor, where you just call in and give us some quick updates. We don't advise, we just thank you.

[Connor]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the Babel play with Roberta would be awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So we're going to contact you with Babel and we're going to see if we can make that happen. And Connor, we appreciate you. And I mean this. You're. You're living a hilarious life, man. I appreciate you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Promo code. Shark teeth. Thank you, Connor.

[Connor]

All right, guys, see you later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Connor]

Hello. How's it going there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. How's it going there?

[Connor]

Good. What is it? It's me. It is Connor and the guy who called about the room.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor. Weird room, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is our third.

[Connor]

I know, I'm like insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just. People probably know you now. You're a friend of the show at this.

[Jake Johnson]

But Connor, will you set up your first two calls? The floor is yours. The first situation, the second situation, and then where we're at.

[Connor]

So the first situation, I moved down to Florida for a job and I had to get an Airbnb rental. And the first rental I was rooming with two senior citizens, Roger and Cindy. They were not a couple, but Roger was very much into cleaning the common area for himself. Cindy had backed off and I was calling in to see if I could. Could figure a way out to get this area back from the senior citizen. The second call was about Roger and Maria, who were two new roommates that moved into this house. And Roger, I mean Roberto. It was Roberto.

[Jake Johnson]

Roberto, Roberto.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, it was Roberto.

[Connor]

Maria. And Roberto didn't speak a lick of English and he would go around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was your buddy.

[Connor]

He was a guest. He was a nine finger construction worker. And Maria was in there trying to like really make the place her own and kind of put people at odds in the house. And Roberto and I were not feeling it.

[Jake Johnson]

Quick question, Connor, this is a one bathroom place. Yeah. You're all sharing one John in this house.

[Connor]

No, I had my own bathroom.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Respect it, changes it. Yeah, that's a big change. Okay, keep going.

[Connor]

They shared their own. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. God bless.

[Connor]

Anyway, now I am calling now for the third time where I have now been to a new house with new people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do we got?

[Connor]

Well, I left the other house after Roberto left He completed his construction job. It's an excellent Costco, by the way. I'd recommend it to anybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you very much. Shout out. Shout out.

[Jake Johnson]

Costco Construction Somewhere in Florida.

[Connor]

Yeah, we get to. Then Maria and I are there and within just about like two hours of us being the only two people in the house, she walks and will they.

[Jake Johnson]

Won'T they Started a. Will they, won't they? Of all the ages.

[Connor]

She wants to start a cleaning schedule for the bathroom that I do not use.

[Jake Johnson]

Ah, between you and her, the.

[Connor]

She wants me to like partake. Yeah. Participate in cleaning the bathroom that I do not use.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want her to. Do you want her to clean yours?

[Connor]

At that point I was basically just out. I was like, oh. I was kind of taken back when she asked and she's like, oh, or you could have me just do it by myself. And I was like, okay, Maria, what's going on here? And so anyway, he ended up. That was the final straw. I immediately went on Airbnb and tried to find a new place to live and get it. I have now found this place.

[Jake Johnson]

It's on the road. It's a traveling circus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have to wipe my roommate's ass.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's good. I sleep with the elephants and one lion, but life has been good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I highly recommend the freight Train with a merman. And.

[Jake Johnson]

So the new place.

[Connor]

The new place is with a 75 year old pest control man who is a deep state conspiracy believer. And the only thing else he loves more are tiktoks and smoking cigarettes.

[Jake Johnson]

Your picks and roommates, my king.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good lord. Yeah, it is.

[Jake Johnson]

How about a couple of 25 year old geeks just looking for somebody to chip in a little bit?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't those exist near a college?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, honestly, that's not Connor. Aren't you gonna find like. No, it's not.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor would be a fish out of water and he couldn't breathe there. He, he walks in, he sees a 24 year old girl going like, hi, I'm just. He's like, get me out of here. He sees one guy, an 80 year old guy with two fingers smoking a cigarette and he just goes, I see a roommate. I'm home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a, a 77 year old man is like, sometimes when I run the garbage disposal, my nipples squirt. And he's like, hey buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

As he's driving, if there's a building and one of the windows has smoke coming out, he's home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like there's always a new post.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So 75 years old, pest control, cig smoker.

[Connor]

I feel like I know who these people are before I get into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Connor, look, look, you're the light for the weirdo moths. Can we be honest?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but. So an Airbnb, you're going. You're not paying before you. You go and you meet, Correct?

[Connor]

Yeah, no, it's. You book it. And then, like they say, hey, interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotcha.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But your dice rolls are our goal, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep going.

[Connor]

And anyway, this guy also has a roommate, and this roommate is. He's a snowbird. He comes down to Florida from Minnesota during the winters, but he himself describes it as, he doesn't leave the house.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not great. How old is this cat?

[Connor]

This guy is about 50.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, young guy. Young guy, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a kid.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Is he a silver fox or do you still have color up there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little puppy dog?

[Connor]

No, he is a silver fox. Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, some people go gray early.

[Jake Johnson]

What's his vibe?

[Connor]

His vibe? Very much like the original Cindy vibe. He came out of his room twice. The one time was when I asked him if I needed to move my car for him. He himself said, I don't really leave the house, so you're fine. I was like, okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And 7 sounds like Cindy 2.0 and 75 Sigs. You're basically back to Roger and Cindy.

[Connor]

I am. And I guess this time with this version of Roger, Bill and I, we've been having a food feud, you could call it, I guess, where he likes to make himself a lot of food for himself there. And then he kind of realizes he made a lot, and then he offers it to people. And so the first time he said, oh, do you want to add, like, some spaghetti? I was like, sure, I'll have some spaghetti. I didn't like how he made his spaghetti, but I had a few bowls, and I was like, all right. I'm gonna be like, bowls?

[Jake Johnson]

You said bites or bowls?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it bowls?

[Connor]

What are you gonna do? You're gonna have just the one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One bowl and say thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

So most people, one bowling out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. If you don't like it, you have.

[Connor]

To play it up a little. You got to give him some status.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta tell you, from Connor, from Roger's point of view, Phil's point of view, he might be calling in saying, I made some spaghetti. I offered it to my kid roommate. He had multiple bowls. I offered him.

[Connor]

Yeah. He wanted. He had said, get the bowl. He said, get another bowl. I said, okay, I'll get Another bowl.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so you eat a bunch of bowls of spaghetti.

[Connor]

And so then after that, though, every once in a while he'd make himself food. But when he does like the spaghetti, he dumped a lot of olive oil on it. And that wasn't for me. I wasn't a big fan.

[Jake Johnson]

Six bowls later, you're like, I don't like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, can I finish it?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I'm gonna eat this entire cake. But I didn't like it. Too much butter.

[Connor]

So then on. And I'm always bringing in my own food to eat. And he cooks the food before I get there. And every once in a while he's like, oh, do you want some food? I got it in the fridge. And I was like, no. Like, I got my own food, thanks. He goes, oh, well, if you want, it's there tomorrow. I'm like, okay, that's fine. Tomorrow comes around. I brought back some food. He hears me come in and he's like, oh, you know, I can just put it in the oven for you right now. Heat up some of that food I was talking about yesterday.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a weird. This is becoming a weird guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's strange.

[Jake Johnson]

Why does he want to feed you? You're just a B and B.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a good problem and not a problem, but it's a weird problem.

[Jake Johnson]

But I got to tell you, if I'm. Connor, no me gusta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, cool it.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't like your weird food, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is a bit hard. It's a big.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's not. It's not shared economics. It's not like we all pitch into a fund. I buy my food, you buy your food. We just share the fridge, my king.

[Connor]

Yes. But he gets somewhat funny passive aggressive when I turned him down there.

[Jake Johnson]

Give us a taste of what that passive aggressive vibe feels like.

[Connor]

So I come back, he's like, I'll put it in the oven for you. I got some food, Bill. I got some Panera. And he kind of just stares at me and goes, I made a lot of food, Connor. Like, I understand, Bill. It's gonna be a lot to put away here. I guess he's like, you know, I don't even know if I have the fridge space to put all this food away. I'm sorry to hear that, though. Then he starts, like, doing some big moaning and groaning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What kind of food is he favoring?

[Jake Johnson]

Noodles.

[Connor]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it noodles?

[Connor]

No, I think the other day he made a deep fried pork shoulder, I believe he called it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ, this guy's an Animal.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so we're seeing the situation there, Cindy 2.0. You don't see Phillies trying to fatten you up for the kill. What do you think, Connor? Where. Where are we at on this one? What are we gonna do?

[Connor]

Well, if he's also fattening me up, he's also trying to sweat me out too, because he doesn't turn on the AC in this house, so. And we're in Florida.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not great.

[Jake Johnson]

Man. He's full of pork shoulder and sweating. What a disgusting situation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You gotta sweat the shoulder out.

[Jake Johnson]

Holy Conor, what are we gonna do here? How do we get out of this one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're okay here.

[Jake Johnson]

You do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I do. I think that it's like I. I think you're okay. I think what you could do is you could say you're trying to lose a little bit of weight before the summer and be very pleasant in that way.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe pick him up a little something from Panera one of these days, hand that off to him. Kind of a mea culpa.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I think what we have with you, Connor, and I want us to preserve the honesty of these situations because it's so great, is we just need to keep knowing what Airbnb holes you find yourself in. Because it is. Even if it's boring, it's interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you really are. You play roommate roulette and it is fantastic.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Connor, what are you going to do here, my guy? What's the move? Are you going to just grin and bear it or you want to move here?

[Connor]

I mean, I might have to start looking at the moving, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you like. Oh, how about this? How about this? Con, I got an idea. Where is the switch for the ac?

[Connor]

The ac? It's near. It's pretty close to his room, actually. It's not in.

[Jake Johnson]

But not in his room.

[Connor]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

And you guys share the utilities bill. I'm sure it's a third. A third? A third.

[Connor]

I'm free. I mean, whatever it is, I just pay for the room. So. Yeah, probably, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bet it's included.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's included. So you know what I do if I'm you when you walk in? Turn that on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I do.

[Jake Johnson]

And you know what else I do? When he offers you food, you don't have to be nice about it. You just say, no, thanks. And he goes, well, there's a lot of food. And you go, that sounds like a you problem, not a me problem. Wow, Jake, I got a bag, but you can be nice. And then you go, yeah, and you go, it smells good, my man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go, I think I would. I would start turning that. And I think, yeah, you just go, oh, no, thanks. I just am like, really? I'm on like a calorie count right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And then if he says. If he turns it off, go, hey, my. My king. I need. I'm sweating in here. I need a little bit colder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And if he goes. No, I. You go. Now we got an issue. And then we can figure it out. But he's just stepping forward. If this was jiu jitsu.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

Fine. If this is chess, he's moving his piece.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put him in an arm bar.

[Jake Johnson]

He's moving his pieces near you're king. You're not going to win if you just keep defending. It's just going to be a matter of time before he pinches you out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would start pushing the ac, Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

You got to start slowly pushing back. Take away his knight, take away his bishop, kill off some of his pawns, and then very quickly, you and Cindy 2.0. I guarantee Cindy 2.0 is bacon in that room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, she's on pork shoulder.

[Jake Johnson]

He's hot as hell.

[Connor]

Maybe I bring. I can bring it up, but I can't be going up immediately out the gate just pressing the ac. Like, that's the one rule that you could do. And you know, in somebody's house here. Can't touch the guy's face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, you can always. Someone can always make themselves warmer. So tell them to put on a sweater if there's an issue. But I would push it. And again, let's say it doesn't work. You're going to move situations, and that's good news for everybody, especially us.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And what did. So what do you think, Connor? What do you. What are you gonna actually do, my man?

[Connor]

I mean, I might. I gotta start dropping some hints. Probably, like, we'll be walking by and like, wow, it's really warm in here. Or something like that. Like, subtle things here.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a question. I got a question. And I'm gonna take it nice and slow for Gareth. Inside joke. You know what I mean, Gar?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So I got a question. Why do you have to ask about the ac? If the switch is available to you, Just turn it on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Just turn it on.

[Connor]

You don't think it leads to more problems, Pierre?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's a.

[Jake Johnson]

You are paying for the ac.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It gets the conversation going.

[Jake Johnson]

If he turns it off, then you're hot. You could Say like, hey, man, do you know what state we're in?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also, you're in there cooking pork shoulder. You're not arrested. I mean, it's going to heat the place up.

[Jake Johnson]

You are deep frying pork in Florida in a box.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is far within your rights to turn it on and at least start the conversation.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you at least. And look, Connor, you've already said you're already considering the sneak out plan and another one. But before you do it, can you experiment with just turning the AC on and see how that goes before you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go and let us know, please?

[Jake Johnson]

It's not over, Gareth. I got 19 more questions.

[Connor]

I will. I will try. I will try for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, okay. You are going to try.

[Connor]

I will try.

[Jake Johnson]

And before you go, could you very quietly and very slowly do the Alphabet frontwards and backwards?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, it was great to catch up with you. We appreciate the call. And let us go.

[Jake Johnson]

He's got another podcast situation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love you.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, Connor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Call back.

[Connor]

Bye, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye, buddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Moms deserve the absolute best, especially on Mother's Day. And when it comes to flowers, there's only one place I trust to get it right every time. 1-800flowers.com Every year I order from 1-800-Flowers-COM, and my mother is always blown away. Roses. Stunning. The service on point here is the truth.

[Jake Johnson]

I do send eve flowers from 1-800-flowers.com and I'll tell you why. Because it's easy and it works. And I'm going to also tell you why. I use our promo code here to help. That's a reality. I'm going to tell you something that's not true, but I wish it was true. I send my other mommy, Pam Gareth mommy roses from. We're here to help. Because if you're going to give Pam one dozen rose, then double it for Pam for free. Twice the beauty, twice the love, all at no extra cost when you use our promo code. Why give the beautiful Pam one rose when you can cover her beautiful body in a thousand?

[Gareth Reynolds]

To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800flowers.com here to help. That's 1-800-Flowers.com here to help. Help.

[Jake Johnson]

Name, please.

[Carly]

I think that's me. I'm Carly. I'm 31 and I love hedgehogs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where are you calling from?

[Carly]

I'm calling from New York, but I'm from Vancouver, which I mentioned because it's relevant to my call.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so Carly, take over.

[Carly]

All right, sure. So Vancouver, assuming you've been there, Hollywood North Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great place.

[Carly]

Beautiful place. But it had a milder climate I was growing up. And of course climate change has ruined that. So now it gets so hot in the summer that air conditioning is a necessity where it used to be a luxury. So my problem is with my 75 year old dad who lives there by himself in an old house that gets really, really hot. He did buy a couple of portable air conditioning units for me to use when I visit.

[Jake Johnson]

But he won't turn it on.

[Carly]

Exactly. You already know.

[Jake Johnson]

I am that guy.

[Carly]

He's alone most of the time and.

[Jake Johnson]

We just cooks in his own juice.

[Carly]

Yeah, extreme heat is really dangerous for Senior. And it got so bad when I was visiting last year that he had to take me to the hospital for heat stroke.

[Jake Johnson]

You got heat stroke in his house?

[Carly]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus. Okay.

[Carly]

Yeah. Really gross.

[Jake Johnson]

Too much gross. Yeah, it's too much.

[Carly]

It's honestly really stressful.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I understand. I fully understand. So what's dad's first name? What do we call him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Him?

[Carly]

His name is Terry.

[Jake Johnson]

Terry. So Terry, he didn't grow up with that ac. He's a Canadian boy up in Canada. He doesn't need an ac. But the world has changed. But Terry hasn't changed with the world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He likes to soak in his own.

[Jake Johnson]

He doesn't even think. He just. He's like, I'm not turning it on. I'm not spending money for this. Is it about the money or is it about principle, you think?

[Carly]

Carrie, it's very much not about the money. And I think it's a pride thing, which I don't understand, but I'm hopeful that you do.

[Jake Johnson]

I do. Do. I do.

[Carly]

It doesn't make any sense to me. Because if you're hot, would you want to be cool?

[Jake Johnson]

Weird lines in the sand. You got to live by them. Well, without. Without weirder lines, what are we doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's why he's creating a desert. So I guess. All right, so why don't you just say your exact question?

[Jake Johnson]

How do I get my dad to turn the AC on?

[Carly]

How do I convince my ridiculous father to turn on his air conditioning so I don't need to stress out about him every day?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What kind of air conditioner does he have? Have?

[Carly]

He has two portable units. They're large.

[Jake Johnson]

Thinking what I'm thinking? No, I'll tell you what I just started thinking there, Carrie. And this is a really weird run. A mile to go a block. They've got these nest acs that are controlled via WI fi.

[Carly]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

You can set up a nest in his house and control his WI fi from your house and never tell him, oh, my nest. So there's a nest thing that I have, and that is I could turn the AC in my house on right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your central air? Yes. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I could cool it down. I could do whatever. I have access to it through an app. So you can control his AC from your phone?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He doesn't have ac. He just has portable things.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He doesn't have, like, central air.

[Jake Johnson]

I understand. So he just has, like, one little box in a window. Is that right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it even that? Or are they, like, little weird portables?

[Carly]

Portable ones, they're not little. They're, you know, they're a decent size and window units, but no, they're like, I don't know, on wheels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The little R2D2 guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those things, they don't really do much.

[Carly]

But it'll help you more than nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So the question is. And then are you worried, Carrie, about when you're not there, or are you just in general, it's stressing you out. You want your dad to cool down and how can you do it? Or is it when you visit it?

[Carly]

I'm worried about the accumulation. Like, I'm thinking that heat damage or whatever it is to older people, probably. I mean, it was acute for me. I had to go to the hospital, but I'm just worried about him being in.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Carly]

I don't actually know the Fahrenheit conversion. Almost 100 degrees every day in the summer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, Carly, it is bad.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so what? Let me ask you this. This. Let's say money is not an issue. What do you want? You want him to have central air.

[Jake Johnson]

Or just turn it on?

[Carly]

I want him to turn it on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I have an idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Jake Johnson]

You got nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got something, but I need a minute. Go.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone said, jake, having this kind of technology knowledge is throwing us off. Fair.

[Connor]

Fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm thrown by that. This feels like a classic time Gareth. For a video that we could send the audio to. Dad, that's so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. And I don't really know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We do a fake podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

We do a fake podcast about older men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

In climate that have changed and the importance of colder air for longevity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Longevity. And why don't we ask.

[Jake Johnson]

If only we had a caller who.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Had experience with older men in warm climate.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you talking about?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello?

[Jake Johnson]

Is anyone else.

[Connor]

I'm gonna think. Yeah, I'm gonna think. That's my time here. Hey, guys. This is. This Is Connor. I'm the guy who's called.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I said, Connor, you don't even need. We were. When were we talking about him? We were talking about Connor the other day a lot. Okay. Connor. I don't know. Carly, do you know Connor is.

[Carly]

I know that he's a legend. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so Connor is a legend living in an Airbnb with senior citizens all the time. And he's very good at picking sides, playing the game, figuring out how to crack the code of the elder mind.

[Jake Johnson]

Just excellence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, why don't we.

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't we let Connor talk?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Connor. Connor, what are you thinking? You got anything?

[Jake Johnson]

Connor, have you heard the setup on this?

[Connor]

Yep. I've been listening to this setup here, and I mean.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, what do you think the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ways right now I picture Connor cracking his knuckles in a desk chair with his feet up, and he just put his arms behind his head.

[Jake Johnson]

I've had that headshot when I was going commercials. I wish I didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awful news.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor. What's up, my man? What do we do here?

[Connor]

Well, I mean, your. Your logic is sound with this nest thing and it could work, but thanks. As you said before, people are going to have a line in the sand, and a guy 75 years old, that line's in the sand. And you need to show them that that line. That line is a wrong line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Connor]

So what I'm saying here is it could. It could be far, but you might have to smoke him out here. There's got to be a list where he is, too. It's too hot.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Connor, hold on. I think you're wrong, but I think, Connor, you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your. Connor, your pitch is to turn the heat on.

[Connor]

I'm saying, obviously we're within health reasons here. Health, safety, of course, but he need, like, there has to be an understanding where there's a limit for this guy and he realizes, like, okay, AC is needed. And once he gets to this point where ac.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not gonna. We're not gonna. We're talking about the sauna technique and we're not gonna sauna Terry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what I love. What I love is how long Jake was on board with anything.

[Jake Johnson]

You said I was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake was like, right, Kind of go let him cook. Gotta go speak the gospel. Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor. We're about to do a video for Terry and it's just going to be an audio one we're going to send to her dad. But before we do that, my friend, how's Life.

[Connor]

Life is pretty good. I have left the Florida Airbnb situation and now I'm living in Salem, Massachusetts with a new roommate in an Airbnb. Not Airbnb, but recommended from a friend. Like didn't know the guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How old is the roommate?

[Connor]

34. So we're, we're now we're navigating down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta say for you, I'm happy.

[Connor]

Well, you might like this then.

[Jake Johnson]

He talk to me.

[Connor]

When he got introduced to me, it's like everyone only called him Dirty Mike and no one has explained why he's Dirty Mike.

[Jake Johnson]

What would be your guess?

[Connor]

Well, that's the thing. He has been immaculately clean since I've lived here and I am worried for when this. No, because there's obviously going to be a shoe drop and I don't know when that's going to drop.

[Jake Johnson]

So Connor, will you tell us three weird things that's going on in your life, my man? What's going on up in Salem where.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They used to have burn witches?

[Connor]

What's a weird thing?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll give you another Cooking these days.

[Connor]

One weird thing is I'm picking up a part time gig up here where I'm going to be navigating the tours like the ghost tours there.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. Hold on. What's the name of the company and if anybody's in Salem, they can request you.

[Connor]

Yeah, I think it's Ghost Tours of Salem. Something I heard.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Hey, you let us, you let us know when we have it and we will post it on the Social.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, living with all those people near death is really going to help you with doing a ghost tour.

[Jake Johnson]

But you would be a great tour guide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And do not be afraid to go off script, my king. I'll tell you what a lot of people, a lot of people feel like. Like I got to say all these talking points. The tour began, not you. You are somewhere in a basement. Just start riffing. Yeah, go make up what happened in that element.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They can't prove what you said.

[Jake Johnson]

They can't either one. Even what's written.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They can't.

[Jake Johnson]

There was a ghost there named Mary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't prove it.

[Jake Johnson]

Make up the ghost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And worst case, you were possessed.

[Jake Johnson]

You, Connor, they're in your world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So really quick, Terry. No, I'm sorry, Carly. Yeah, we're going to make a little thing to your dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does that sound good to you, Carly? If we go that route, we make a little fake podcast clip that you could play for your father.

[Carly]

Oh, I'm, I'm really Hopeful. I'm willing to try anything. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Before we start, we need a little bit of info. Can you tell us a little bit more about your dad and Connor? I need you to listen because you're going to be with us on this, bud. If you're willing.

[Connor]

Okay, sure. Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

So Terry is 35. He's from Vancouver. Does he have any health issues?

[Carly]

Well, he's 75, so he's got health issues that go with that. He tells everyone about his enlarged prostate, but I don't think that has anything to do with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. That we can use hyper specific.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's.

[Carly]

He's just a ridiculous person. Like people describe him as a character. He's very stubborn, always laughing, always joking. But then he's also very concerned about the safety of everyone around him.

[Jake Johnson]

What is he, a Gemini?

[Carly]

He's an Aries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Just a sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy. That's the first time I'm hearing that he's not. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

He's an Aries.

[Connor]

Still.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop.

[Carly]

It's an Aries. I know, right?

[Jake Johnson]

That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's crazy is what Jake just said about the Gemini and the way that he's acting like.

[Jake Johnson]

What's crazy is Gareth is such a cancer right now. Back to you.

[Carly]

Oh, cancer men. Watch out.

[Jake Johnson]

Can you believe it? Jake, Gag me with a spoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What just happened?

[Jake Johnson]

So, Carly, is there anything else we can say in this? Because I think the move for us and you tell us if this is wrong, but I think. And Connor, obviously we're all going to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be thinking, well, this is Mo and Pigley.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think we go that big. We got to go. So I don't think we think about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The comedy still be mowing pigley to.

[Jake Johnson]

A 75 year old man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

G. Hey, you want to hear a ser.

[Jake Johnson]

I can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Charlie Rose, a Mo and Pigley.

[Carly]

His favorite channel is cnn. If that adds anything.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, he takes back very seriously just having drinks. He wants to do Piggly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to. Obviously I want to be Piggly. Well, what. What should we do? Should we like a cnn?

[Jake Johnson]

I think we do a podcast. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think because we're trying to get her dad to believe this and turn it on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So I think you and I are hosts of a very serious podcast. I'm flexible on the name. And Connor.

[Connor]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could the name be CNN's Moen Piggly?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great. I think that's fair business.

[Jake Johnson]

I do want to do CNN. Dr. Moe and Dr. Pigley.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I absolutely do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I pitch Dr. Moe and Mr.

[Jake Johnson]

Pigley yes, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you very much.

[Jake Johnson]

100%. I don't know why you wanted to be Mr. Not a doctor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I want to be the guy. I'll be the interviewer of the do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I also like the way Mr. Pigley sounds.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor is our star.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. So Dr. Mo. Mr. Pigley and Connor can be the guests, but we don't want to put too much on. Connor.

[Jake Johnson]

Connor, do you want a lot, a little or medium? Because I think you can handle a lot.

[Connor]

I think I could handle a lot. I'm interested to see where it goes. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Well, Connor, just so you know, what we're going to need from you is we're going to need kind of the dangers of being a senior and not having the ac. Not having the AC on. Especially in areas like Canada which are heating up at rate that we were completely unpredictable.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to give you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And a big prostate.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But I'm going to give you something. The reason why, Connor, is the heat enlarges of the prostate. You guys want seconds or can I have these? I'm okay. The AC is actually known to shrink the prostate.

[Carly]

Oh, that's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, how about this? Not the ac.

[Jake Johnson]

Cold temperatures.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. A house that has a mean temperature of around 70 degrees helps the body, it helps longevity, it helps healing.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heat exacerbates current medical conditions for cigarettes.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's right. So, Connor, do you feel confident?

[Connor]

Oh, yeah, I got that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got that.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you sure?

[Connor]

Yeah, just, you know, lead me into it and I got it for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Carly, if this works, because we're gonna try to do it quick. Will you actually send this to your dad and then follow up with us?

[Carly]

Oh, in a heartbeat. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. We're gonna call you Connor. Sam Salem. Okay, so Professor Connor Salem.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so is everybody ready to try this? We're gonna try to get it in one, guys. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we're gonna do it in three.

[Jake Johnson]

No, let's get into one. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, not because of me. Piggly's ready to go.

[Jake Johnson]

Piggly's wild. My mom's hating this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's enough for you mom.

[Jake Johnson]

It is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hang in there. You're being more wild than me. I've been very.

[Jake Johnson]

Kevin. You think that's true?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't let the. Don't let the drunk lifeguard decide who's wild.

[Jake Johnson]

So I'm Dr. Mo. You're Mr. Pigley. Connor, you're kind of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's do an agreed. And cnn.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Ready? Yeah, ready. And I say a little CNN swoosh into it.

[Jake Johnson]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Okay. And welcome back to Dr. Mo. Mr. Pigley, we're happy to be here again today. We've been talking about the heat and what the heat is doing in certain communities. I actually find this so interesting, and this is a problem that affects everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also didn't realize that the temperature of your home can affect your health.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's the thing, and that's why we're gonna bring in our guests in a second. But a lot of people think it's just the external temperatures that really mess.

[Jake Johnson]

With you, you know? Mr. Pigley, you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead. What's going on? Yeah, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Dr. Mo, you're 100% right. Because I remember when I was growing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up, what just happened to you, though? It felt like the heat took you over.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop. Start over. It was saying, Mr. Pigley, oh, I saw. So goofy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your body. Your throat. Rejected saying it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I didn't want to. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are allergic to it.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we're going to win here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, I called it three.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do it. That was my fault.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right, Ready?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be professional. Three, two, one. And welcome back to Dr. Mo, Mr. Pigley, CNN podcast. Here we are today, we're talking about heat. The heat is something that affects everybody. The heat's been getting more and more. This summer is the hottest summer on record.

[Jake Johnson]

Mr. Pigley, it absolutely is. Any idea that the temperature within the home affected the health and longevity this much?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It makes sense, but I really didn't. I think people always think of the external. It's the external.

[Jake Johnson]

So older people have notorious. Always gone to the Floridas or the Arizonas, but now the studies are coming out that the colder temperature within the home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. And that's. We're gonna bring in our guest In a second, Dr. Connor. Salem. But before we do, I think that is one thing that really we are so interested in. Everybody has someone in their life who's a little bit older, and we really need to take care of them. And the way that it can exacerbate. Exacerbate health conditions. They already have.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I just never thought that air conditioner would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Breathing problems. Prostate enlargement.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, if you have an enlarged prostate, you turn on the AC and it might go down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, why don't we bring in our guests? This is Professor Connor. Salem Connor or Professor Salem. Sorry, I was shocked when I read your paper. Now, you are basically suggesting that a senior citizen's house. House has to be kept at around 70 degrees in order for them to get through some of these extreme heats. Is that right?

[Connor]

Yes, gentlemen, I am. It took a lot of years of studying and a lot of years of doing clinical trials, but at the end of it, we did get some conclusive results, actually.

[Jake Johnson]

And what were those studies you did, Connor?

[Connor]

So we were seeing how temperature affects the elderly there, and what we found out at the end. End of it, surprisingly, was that if you are over the age of 70 and you have a heat temperature that is above 85 degrees in your house, your prostate is 12 times likely to enlarge.

[Jake Johnson]

So what if it's not? So, Connor, just have. I have a question here, because I find this. What if it wasn't as hot as 85? What if it was, say, 80?

[Connor]

Well, then we were 75. Well, then it becomes more like an 11 or 10. But it's usually. Usually anything. 85 and above was 12 or more.

[Jake Johnson]

85 is so hot.

[Connor]

We were gonna say 70.

[Jake Johnson]

We need like 70. We need an. It's got to be way colder.

[Connor]

I'll start at 7. I thought we were going there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

85.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a fire in the house. I'll tell you what Terry's gonna say is, I'm good.

[Connor]

I thought a compromise at 85 is so much better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

75 years old. Connor, you're doing great. We. We gave you some notes.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's go. Way colder you feel?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, colder.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're all hoping for our setup, too. This all has to be under two minutes, guys. Yeah, it has to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a note for me. Connor, don't worry, we're all getting notes.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think. Carly, you tell me, is your dad going to listen to an A9 minute?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He watches CNN.

[Carly]

Honestly, you guys put prostate enlargement in that? He's listening. Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get it in the beginning.

[Jake Johnson]

We're going back. So Connor got to be a little bit colder, my guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're talking 72 degrees.

[Jake Johnson]

We want him to feel. He has to turn it on 10 hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He has to stand in front of.

[Jake Johnson]

It and just not have a burning fire in his house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The secret to the old fashioned is the Luxardo cherry. It adds a little sweet. And Kevin, I'm a shark, by the way. Kevin's talking like Terry. Okay, here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

We're back in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, all right. And welcome back to Dr. Mo and Mr. Pigley, a podcast that always investigates something that's affecting citizens of this great country.

[Jake Johnson]

This is such an Interesting one, Mr.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pigley well, we've been digging into it.

[Jake Johnson]

I had no idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think one of the things we love about doing this show is CNN is able to give you the broad strokes, but we get down to the nitty gritty.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But I'll tell you, Mr. Pigley, the thing for me, I always believe. Day. So sorry, audience. I'm jumping ahead because I'm excited, but we're talking about internal temperatures, temperatures within the home affecting your health.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, to contextualize it a little bit more, we're all dealing with extreme heat. This summer's been the hottest summer on record. And so we're wondering even here in Vancouver. Well, you. And you always say. Yeah, I mean, anywhere.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, I never had a AC when I was growing up. Did you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I did not. You didn't need one, though.

[Jake Johnson]

But don't you need one now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Didn't need one. One, though. But the way that the heat is now sort of exacerbating things that. That people already have. Conditions that people already have. But did you know. Especially seniors.

[Jake Johnson]

But did you know that everybody. But especially seniors. But did you know that it affects your prostate? If you have an enlarged prostate and you take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It exacerbates anything.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's get to our guest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. But exacerbates heart conditions, it exacerbates breathing. But in large prostate is.

[Jake Johnson]

I believe this was just the sun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. We're very excited to have our guest here because he's a professor who's written a lot on this, love his podcast, and he's got a great podcast called the Salem Trial, because his last name's Salem. Professor Connor Salem. Now, he wrote a lot about the idea of how important it is to keep your home cool.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We think that the heat outside is what gets us. But it's actually. And you could jump in here, Professor Salem, it's actually the heat inside your house that can be the problem. Is that right?

[Connor]

That is absolutely right, Mr. Pigley. You've been hitting a lot of it on the nose already. I see why you're a professional at this, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, thank you. And I'm not even the doctor.

[Jake Johnson]

Both of us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not even the doctor.

[Jake Johnson]

Both of us are professional.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Mo, go ahead. Go ahead, Professor.

[Connor]

But yeah, so I've done a lot of research lately.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you went to school for a while. Go ahead. Sorry about that, Professor.

[Connor]

Yes, so I went to. Did some clinical trials, and we were discovering whether he had an effect on the senior citizen population. And what we found at the end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of this Focus was that if you.

[Connor]

Had the house over the temperature of 72 degrees Fahrenheit, your prostate was 12 times likely to be enlarged.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Wait, I'm sorry, Doctor, did you say.

[Connor]

72 over the temperature of 72 degrees? Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. So. So a natural. Naturally, a home is anywhere from 71 to 75. So are you saying that people should keep their AC on? Even if that's not their personal preference.

[Connor]

For their health, it is for the betterment of their life, the quality of their life. If they are looking for better health results, it starts with the ac.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But. But can I. Can I just jump in quickly? Because I know I have. I have elder parents, and I think to some extent they think that living in a hot house is kind of a point of pride or it maybe helps them.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're saying my father's pretty stubborn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you should see, you think Dr. Mo is stubborn? I'll tell you, behind the scenes, he really is. But his father is a stubborn nightmare. His father's nightmare.

[Jake Johnson]

Your father is a nightmare.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what we're trying to drill down on is you're basically saying that it's important for them to keep that temperature down. It's a point of pride for you.

[Jake Johnson]

And it exacerbates the whole tangent you just did.

[Connor]

Yeah, just do it.

[Jake Johnson]

Personally.

[Connor]

Years of research have shown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I met your father. He was. Your father was very upset.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know why you'd interrupt the interview to attack me.

[Connor]

Well, seems crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your father was very. Your father. Your father visited. Your father visited the set of the podcast one day.

[Jake Johnson]

I understand, but it's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he was very upset. There was an oatmeal.

[Jake Johnson]

It was crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I saw where you got it from. But Professor Salem, so, so, so it's very.

[Jake Johnson]

Cut all that out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Professor Salem, so you're saying it's very important for the. The seniors, especially those with any health conditions. Conditions just keep that temperature down.

[Connor]

Yes. If they have the ability. 70 degrees and lower will improve their prostate and will improve their brain function.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the cooler the better.

[Jake Johnson]

Fascinating. Let's hold on now. Hold on one second, Carly, because we can cut out that middle part, right, Kevin? Yeah. So everything besides the weird tangent where Gareth and I blew it, I think that's pretty good. Carly, what do you think?

[Carly]

I definitely agree. You also got me excited about central air and maybe just sneaking that into his house, but I think I'm gonna start with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, let's just do an addendum. Let's just do an addendum. Let's do an addendum. Let's do an addendum. No, no, no. I think I got this.

[Carly]

I think the podcast got it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. You're happy.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no, I mean, if you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you gonna send this clip?

[Carly]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll do a CNN swish. All that.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Kevin, we'll cut out the middle. Hey, yeah, yeah. Hey, Connor.

[Connor]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Connor, great work.

[Jake Johnson]

We love you, big man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

And please tell us what's going on in Salem with these tours, and we will give.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when you find out why he's Dirty Mike, let us know, please. Yeah, the shoe's gonna drop.

[Jake Johnson]

And Carly, thank you for the call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is good stuff, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you. Car.

[Connor]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, Carly. Thanks, Connor.

[Carly]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, everybody. Producer Sherlock here. We have a little update from Connor. Connor take away.

[Connor]

Hey, everybody, this is Connor. Got one more life update for you guys. I'm still living in Salem with Dirty Mike. I now know why he's called Dirty Mike, and it's because back in college, he was an amateur mud wrestler. I also do not know how I keep finding these people, but other than that, I'm a teacher now, and I've realized that do working with kids is way harder than living in those Airbnbs with Roger, Roberto, Maria, and Bill. I want to thank all you guys for lending an ear hearing about some of those crazy stories. And thank you to Gareth and Jake for giving me advice during some of those trying times. If you guys are ever looking for a story of yourself, look no further than Airbnb shared space, because I guarantee it will not disappoint. Thank you, guys. It's been fun. This whole thing's been awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelp pod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive Producer, Producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on we're here to help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'm Kristen Schall.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're going to be hosting the new podcast the Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do. We talk to people who have broken records on slack lines, suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on training trampolines. You'll have to tune in to find out how many flips they did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Subscribe to Extraordinarians on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcast and watch video. There's new episodes that we release it every Wednesday.

[Jake Johnson]

We do. I've never seen you cry before. I know I don't. This is upsetting for all of us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They don't let us break for lunch.

[Jake Johnson]

They do podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so competitive. They make you just talk and talk. Guys, we're watching a spin out. Please subscribe. Oh, man. Extraordinarians.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.