183: Jake's Faves: This Show's Becoming Jackass (Re-Release)

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help – Episode 183: Jake's Faves: This Show's Becoming Jackass (Re-Release)
Release Date: June 25, 2025
Host: Headgum (Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds)

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Introduction and Community Engagement

In this re-released episode of "We're Here to Help," hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds kick off by reflecting on their recent broadcasting block and the quality of listener calls they've received. They express gratitude towards their dedicated audience and the behind-the-scenes producers who enhance the show's depth and humor.

Heather, one of their longtime listeners, praises the show's intricate world-building and the producers' efforts:
Heather [00:34]: "We just are very lucky to have an audience that knows the show and understands that we are here for minutia and producers who are able to find this stuff."

Gareth highlights the engagement and creativity of their community, mentioning John, a listener who not only called in but also created a fan website:
Gareth Reynolds [01:06]: "The world building of season two has been really fun. The callers knowing the world. The guy John, who called in today with a problem also created the Pigley and Mo website."

Guest Appearance: Heather's Dilemma

Mid-episode, Heather transitions from being a caller to joining the hosts for a follow-up discussion. She presents a personal predicament:
Heather [16:12]: "I have a sister who invites herself to all of our family's guy functions. So I'm talking Father's Day at the local cigar lounge... and she tags along, driving my husband crazy."

Heather explains that she had previously lied to her boss, claiming to attend a cooking class, while actually enrolling in a BDSM rope-tying course. Now, her boss wants to join the class, putting Heather in a tight spot:
Jake Johnson [16:25]: "I told my boss that I signed up for a four-week cooking class so that I could be off work and go to a BDSM rope tying course."

Advice and Strategic Pitches

Jake and Gareth brainstorm solutions to help Heather navigate her predicament without blowing her cover or jeopardizing her job. They consider creating a fake website to legitimize the cooking class, leveraging their Patreon community's skills:
Gareth Reynolds [18:10]: "Which means we could create a fake website for this cooking class that we could then say, it has been canceled."

Heather remains skeptical about the plan's effectiveness, worried about her boss discovering the deceit:
Heather [20:21]: "Actually, I would need to tell you all the details that I told her."

Undeterred, the hosts refine their approach, ensuring the fabricated website appears authentic and aligns with Heather's initial stories. They discuss incorporating elements like "tour dates" and "sold out" notifications to enhance credibility.

Execution and Resolution

With the help of their Patreon supporters, Jake and Gareth succeed in creating a plausible fake website for the cooking class. Heather implements the plan by sending the link to her boss, who initially mistakes it for a different location:
Gareth Reynolds [58:14]: "We put so much effort in. And the person goes, what the hell is happening?"

Heather receives a positive response, with her boss accepting the fabricated explanation and opting not to pursue further inquiries:
Jake Johnson [59:04]: "Yes."

The hosts celebrate the successful resolution of Heather's issue, albeit with humorous self-reflection on the show's increasingly chaotic nature:
Heather [64:07]: "This show has become Jackass. This is now nothing is okay. Everything's crazy."

Reflections and Conclusion

Jake and Gareth reflect on the episode's events, recognizing both the effectiveness and the absurdity of their advice. They commend Heather for her adaptability and humor throughout the ordeal:
Jake Johnson [47:08]: "You guys have given me great insight that I did not have."

The hosts also acknowledge the unpredictable outcomes of their advice, embracing the show's entertaining and often unconventional approach to problem-solving:
Gareth Reynolds [61:37]: "It is funny how many of our calls can end with, I don't know. I think if we just make a really good website, like, people will believe it."

Notable Quotes

• Heather [00:34]: "We just are very lucky to have an audience that knows the show and understands that we are here for minutia and producers who are able to find this stuff."
• Jake Johnson [16:12]: "I have a sister who invites herself to all of our family's guy functions."
• Gareth Reynolds [18:10]: "We could create a fake website for this cooking class that we could then say, it has been canceled."
• Heather [64:07]: "This show has become Jackass. This is now nothing is okay. Everything's crazy."
• Jake Johnson [47:08]: "You guys have given me great insight that I did not have."

Final Thoughts

Episode 183 of "We're Here to Help" showcases Jake and Gareth's commitment to aiding their listeners, even when solutions veer into the bizarre. Through Heather's case, the hosts blend humor with ingenuity, demonstrating the lengths they'll go to support their community. Despite the episode's self-aware critique of its own zaniness, it remains a testament to the show's unique blend of friendship, absurdity, and heartfelt assistance.

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Produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions
Executive Producers: Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, Natalie Hollis
Associate Producer: Jesse Thurston
Editing, Mixing, Mastering: Chris Faller
Theme Song: Oliver Raleigh

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For more episodes and to submit your questions, email [e-mail] or visit our Patreon at patreon.com/heretohelpod.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we're back on a Wednesday.

[Heather]

We are back, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really fast. Gareth. We are at the tail end of a three hour block.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're doing this intro and then we're done for the day. We've done a bunch of calls today. Yeah, I mean really great calls.

[Heather]

Great calls. Great world building. We just are very lucky to have an audience that knows the show and understands that we are here for minutia and producers who are able to find this stuff. Constantly shout out to the producers. It's truly amazing. We text about it all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse. The world building of season two has been really fun. The callers knowing the world. The guy John, who called in today with a problem also created the Pigley and mo website.

[Heather]

Shocking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mr. H comes back hot. It's just like, it's really fun.

[Heather]

It really is. And it's always fun to try to problem solve these problems. So. Yeah, I don't know, you'd think in a three hour block you'd be like, I always. I still really enjoy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me too.

[Heather]

Recording the show. We are always laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's ask a favor to the audience. So we have very consistent numbers. We know. I study the numbers. I like it. I've made that very clear on this. The fun for this show to me is the interaction, the game of it. It feels very different. Really fun. Can we. Can the audience all tell somebody new about the show and have them start listening recently? I want to see people's reaction when they enter this world.

[Heather]

Well, maybe the thing to do is to say, why don't we try this? Why don't we say try to convert a friend to a fan and when you've got that conversion, just get a quick audio clip of them saying the new person saying what they like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fun.

[Heather]

And we'll start using some of those at the end of the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And here's how we could maybe do it. Send somebody a link to an episode you think they would like.

[Heather]

We could also do season two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It could be anyone.

[Heather]

Yeah, I think a gateway episode. What's a good gateway episode? We can have the community weigh in on a good gateway episode. So we can start doing what you're talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Negative or positive.

[Heather]

Yeah, I agree. Let's enjoy it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If somebody send it to him now.

[Heather]

Don'T send them a Pigley and Mo. We've already covered this. We're not going to get involved in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This week is a re release. The re release is if you guys remember there was a woman who Called in who was taking a. A, A class where she was learning how to be tied up and tie people up. And she needed to lie to her boss.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's a nanny. The reason I'm following up, apart from it being a great episode, is she's one of the examples of the kind of callers who I love the most on this show. And it fits right into with what we were just talking about. She knows the world. She's in the joke. She's for no reason ragging on Garrett, just murdering.

[Heather]

You think I was the one who into tied up beatings, but it just proves that the show loves you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but like whoever it is, they need to get on one of the bits.

[Heather]

Well, you know what? Also I. You know what else I love about her?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Heather]

And a lot of our color is they will not placate us and take a pitch that they don't. They'll be like. Like they want the actual solve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They want.

[Heather]

She's like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's like that. And she's really funny. Has a really fun sense of humor where we're instantly just playing a game that she and I are so connected and we hate Gareth's story.

[Heather]

I don't know how much of a game she was playing, but yes, she.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Instantly stepped into the Pam role.

[Heather]

She very quickly played ball, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You agreed with that, that she was in the Pam role? The Pam role that I was saying was that she and I are into each other. You got confused and you agreed because Pam has admitted to you that she likes the responses.

[Heather]

No and no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She said. When I said, I want to do a standing six nine with Pam.

[Heather]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She laughed and said, does he. Has he seen me recently? She didn't say, yuck. She said, he wouldn't want to. To which I said, I've seen you gorgeous.

[Heather]

When you. When. When you pass away, Jake. We have to study your brain. There. There are ways that you hold on to little things that are just so you're the way that you can take that thing that I thought was dead and zombie life with a new twist. Shocking. It's not regular. Just so you know, you. It's like you. Yeah, I do think it's a compliment. I'll be honest. I do think it's a compliment. It's a skill. You have a skill like the fact that you're not practicing law. That's a shame. It's being wasted on a self help podcast where we talk about bounce houses and graves that are getting digged up in yards.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Gareth if we ever get sued, can we represent us?

[Heather]

I think there's no better way than. Than for this show to go down by representing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so, too. And in the end, somebody. And then we maybe we. You know, I've tried to do this with Lamor and Morris, and we text and we both say yes, but we've never done it. I want to go on People's Court with them, and I want to take it seriously. And one of us sue the other one.

[Heather]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That feels like maybe we could sue their podcast for slander.

[Heather]

I 100% agree that we can and this should happen. And I don't think this should be a thing that when we're done, we don't follow through on. I love it. That would be amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an A's episode. It seems like this is a edit cut, but I just did a hard transition. Yeah.

[Heather]

Today's episode, that's Jake saying, we leave it here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's fun. I was thinking about it for. I'm like, it's really. Because Garrett, Lamar and I have been talking for a while. I tried to get Max, Damon and I all to do it because the four of us are on a text chain. And I said, like, guys, let's go on the People's Court and sue each other. And Greenfield was instantly out. Lamorin's texting me. Ben personally being like, I would do it.

[Heather]

Side texting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Side. Like, let's do it for real. And then Damon's a mystery. He doesn't text back for a while. And then just tights like a heart emoji where we're like, I think he's in or he's out. But today we have Heather back. And then in going back and thinking about that one, I thought, you know who else I want to highlight is my brother Dan, who was my original. Dan, to me, is the funniest guy on planet Earth. And he has been since I've been two years old.

[Heather]

Your brother is hard funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he's Harfa. He never stops. He came to Alaska and visited the movie because he and I co. We financed the movie together, and my brother's a producer on it.

[Heather]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He was so funny hanging out on set. He does a bit in the movie. He's one of those. He's one of the best types of humans where he walks into a group of new people, and I just start going like, dan, Dan. And all of a sudden, the cast in Crazy Joke starts just chanting Dan. He does a full dance, fully yucks. It up fully commits. He wants to do a bit in the movie. So we get him one line after his one line in the thing. He's going to Dakota and Joe, like actor to actor. Dakota, talk to me. Where am I at? And he never breaks. We did this whole joke where he and I were fighting the whole time of if salmon season had already started or if we were too early. His claim was we're too early. My claim was my hot take was it had already started. So we just did that bit to every single person we met in Alaska. We would just make people interact with us. We would ask them, my brother and I are just in a bit world forever. And in the end, he sent a bunch of shirts that said salmon season as a rap gift. Like, Dan, you are the king. So I want to highlight Dan again. He is building a app right now for our show. Basically he does. He's an app developer. We were having fun about a website where you can rank things and you could pick because he was listening to the show and he was like, you guys need something where everybody can just go in one place. So we've been doing that. That's coming. It's going to be called we need to pick dot com. It's not ready yet. But I just want to highlight Dan. He thank the community. And Gareth, what do you got?

[Heather]

I think that's true. Thank the community. Let's do the gateway episodes. Let's hear some proof. Let's hear some conversion memos. We appreciate it. Truly, so much of the show is the fans and the callers. So that's really where it comes from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think that's it.

[Heather]

Well, at some point you'll hear me lick the rim of my coffee mug. But until then, without further ado.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Heather]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Heather]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are.

[Heather]

We are. She's coming in hot. Shark gake. This I don't even know how to explain. We just finished this episode and for me personally, it's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But we, we got a special guest. Our, our friend Heather from Orlando. What's up, He.

[Kevin]

Hey, still doing good over here maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got the shark in a Quincy shirt looking good. What's up, shark?

[Shark]

What's up guys? Feeling good. Looking good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got Gareth in a weird pink bedroom. What's up, Garf?

[Heather]

Hey, Jake. This is all right. It's Garf. And you know, Heather, you're really getting. You're really jumping in a lot, Heather. I'm not gonna lie. It's a. It's a lot comfortable. You really do. It's kind of like we're like, do you want to come in? And then you're like laying in my bed like, these sheets suck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we got a fun show today. Heather's gonna be on it. She's one of the callers. And then she joined us for a follow up. We threw her in the intro. So you're gonna love her call. It's really fun.

[Kevin]

After you hear her call, I'm doing All the ads.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ooh, should we do an ad with Heather?

[Heather]

Crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you're not doing an ad with Heather.

[Heather]

Where's my cut?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather, you're fun. Heather. Do you want to talk about Quincy clothes? Kevin's wearing Quincy clothes. Quince. Quince. My bad.

[Kevin]

Yeah, they're my favorite.

[Heather]

Yeah, we love quince.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think about zocdoc?

[Kevin]

All I do is go on zocdoc and Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's the.

[Kevin]

And hello, fresh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She is the.

[Heather]

I don't think they're with us anymore. Yeah. Screen chef. But thank you so much for trying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really fast, before we get out of here and start this great show. Gareth, you texted us you had a dream last night.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, tell us, Gareth.

[Heather]

Heather. It's a lot. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're just right, Heather, keep going.

[Heather]

I had a dream that I went out to eat and that I. Well, Heather, so far, the dream, you're really amping it up.

[Kevin]

Okay, I'm not on camera, though, so I need them to remember I'm there.

[Heather]

That's. That's actually super fair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Zoom. I went to zoom her in.

[Heather]

Get her on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you can't, because of your job.

[Heather]

So I had a dream. I went out to eat, and I was at a restaurant, and I. And I sat at a table away from Barbara from Shark Tank, who, again, we've had some contact. That's right. And I. And I. As I was, like, sitting there, I was like, should I say something? Should I not? And I just lean over and I go, hey, you know, we. We've been trying to get you on my podcast called We're Here to Help It. She goes with Jake Johnson. And I go, yeah. And then I'm like, oh, yeah. And then. So we talk for a minute, and then as she's leaving, I'm like, I gotta lock it down. So I go, hey, we'd really love to have you on the show, you know? And she goes to her husband. She goes, get his phone number. He answers all my calls. And I got his number. And I was like. And then I was like. In my head, I was like, what should I do? I was like, I think I'll just give the number to Kevin. I was, like, strategizing. I woke up and I was like, the show is really entering my world in a bizarre way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But by the way, man, I think that's getting us actually one step closer to the great Barbara Corcoran being on this show.

[Heather]

I can't wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Neither can I. Had a dream last night. I was standing on a pier in the middle of the ocean. And it was a little platform and there was a big killer whale swimming around. And the water was pretty clear, and I was watching it and I wasn't scared. I just thought, what a beautiful creature.

[Heather]

You throw your back out.

[Kevin]

No, Jake, your dream sounds so much better than all of that crap we heard just now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, adieu.

[Shark]

Right behind you. Great job, Heather.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're so funny.

[Kevin]

So much fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really funny.

[Heather]

All right, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi, how are you?

[Shark]

Good. How are you?

[Jake Johnson]

Good, thanks.

[Shark]

Thanks for calling. We have Jake and Gareth and the shark with you today. Can I please ask what your name is, what your age is and where you're calling from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Attaboy, shark. Well done, shark.

[Heather]

Good work, Jack.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm Heather. 25, Orlando.

[Heather]

Great.

[Shark]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather and Orlando do go together. Am I wrong?

[Heather]

No, you ain't wrong, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

You're right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather, what's up? What's the problemo?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, we got. We got a complicated one. I really don't see an option, so I'd love some help. I. I told my boss that I signed up for a four week cooking class so that I could be off work and go to a BDSM rope tying course.

[Heather]

Wait, say that again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm confused there. I know the cooking class. What is the course you're taking?

[Jake Johnson]

It was a BDSM rope tying class.

[Heather]

Okay. And wait.

[Jake Johnson]

And I want to tell her where I was. So I told her I signed up for a cooking class with my friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now she's saying, can I get some of that chicken parv? And you're saying, can I tie your legs to a pole?

[Heather]

Only if I can tie you to the wall and feed you. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So let me get your dishes. You go like this. Well, all right, Heather. So what keep. You keep talking. Walk us through what's happening.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, okay, okay. So I. Every week we talk a lot at work. I'm her nanny and the kids go to sleep and then we chat. And I just was making up stuff about the class and she kept asking me, like, how's it going? And stuff. He just had a new baby, so she's just home. And she was really invested in it, so I just kept making up details. And now the class is over and her baby is doing well and she's ready to leave the house. She wants to go to the class with her husband.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy shit.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't have a place to send her and I can't let her find out I was lying because she'll think I'm a liar. And I take care of her children.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a pitch.

[Heather]

I did too.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are sponsored by. We are sponsored. Tire up. Tie her and her husband up.

[Heather]

You know how to do them in your dungeon?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They have to die now. They have to die now.

[Heather]

The end of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we are sponsored on this show, I think, still, but I know we have been in the past. By Squarespace. Yes. Yep. Which means we could create a fake website for this cooking class that we could then say, it has been canceled. So you could send her the link to it. She could look at the link. The link could look real. We could maybe either have Caitlin or somebody, one of our followers on here who's really good at designing a thing. We can give them a shout out. Who could build a fake cooking class, a four week course, everything that you said. Yeah. Make it seem very real. Send her the link. And then she goes, oh, no. They just, they did. The school just shut down. And then we can make a funny reason why they close on why. I guess the, the main woman was into like tying people up for sex.

[Heather]

It was like a sex front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like a sex dungeon. Then you go, none of that was there when I was there. But I guess they also did this thing in the basement. They tied people up. And I mean, if you're interested in that, I could lead you towards that. But in real. But the real pitch is you got to like that, Garf.

[Heather]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right? Okay, keep going.

[Heather]

My, my, my initial pitch was going to be something like that. It got shut down. So. All right, so we're creating the problem for her, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Like we're creating the school.

[Heather]

So. Okay, so we've. So we've created that via sponsor. Why not via sports sponsored. Why not also send them our home cooking sponsor? So we, you can say, and I know you really wanted to do that, so I actually got you. And we can hook you up with like three free at home meals that they can cook together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But. But she wants to go to this cooking class. So if the problem was. She said. Because that's.

[Heather]

She does it over here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She said, cook me a meal.

[Heather]

She comes over to your house and you cook it together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but she, I think she, she's looking. Yeah, she's looking. So I think that would be the solution if she said, like, I want to hear. I want to taste your great cooking.

[Heather]

Okay, I'm down. I think saying it got shut down. I just worry that she might go, I, I hear you. I just worry that she might be like, huh, this is a little suspect, but I.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, yeah. I wanted to mention seeing her husband.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, Gareth. Hold on, Gareth. You just said that because I. Hold on. We've done over a hundred episodes. You've never had a little bit of a pessimistic. I don't know if it'll work.

[Heather]

Yours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I said, I don't think it'll work. You go, hey, I gotta say, I don't think yours would work. They might be suspicious. We pitch hobos and Santa outfits one time. No, you just bushed my 70s.

[Heather]

The last thing you want. The last thing you want. Thing you want is for her to be like, I don't think this class existed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Heather]

Because then it becomes crazy if we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really start going down that road. Gareth, we don't have a show. Everything we pitch could be that way.

[Heather]

Well, that. I just. The stakes are high because it's her boss. I hear you. I hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I like. So we got that. Let's put that to the side. Let's see if we can pitch something that tops it then.

[Heather]

Okay. Well, what were you going to say, Heather? What? You were saying, your fear.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I wanted to say they're. They're very intelligent people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And same with us.

[Heather]

I mean, we're screwed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you ever considered Parmesan in the floor? Yeah.

[Heather]

What if you throw something in her car?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a shark.

[Heather]

I'm a shark. Okay. They're very intelligent people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw dog in her house.

[Heather]

Why don't you put some dog in her bed?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cut eye holes in an eye mask.

[Shark]

Start.

[Heather]

Start flossing in her living room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really smart people.

[Heather]

Get her tickets to an ostrich farm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As the people we're messing with. Yeah, the real crypto.

[Heather]

We need to have an IQ cut off for our pitches.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So? So I've got a problem. What is it? The person I'm trying to mess with is really smart.

[Shark]

Cut it by our shortest episode.

[Heather]

Take care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's get back to this and see if we can get a win. Heather, you are a nanny. You like your job question.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why didn't you just say what you were doing? What's wrong?

[Jake Johnson]

I've only worked here for, like, four months.

[Kevin]

At the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you didn't want to be judged.

[Jake Johnson]

That's just too personal. Yeah, I didn't want her to be like, what? You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then I also didn't want her to be like, well, don't do that. Just come to work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Okay. I hear what you're saying. Now. This is just for the show and backstory. Do you like to tie up or do you like to be tied up?

[Jake Johnson]

I knew you were going to ask me that. I wanted to be tied up, but I went with a friend and we kind of had to take turns because we both wanted to be tied up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so when you go to a class like that, what are you then learning or are you just going there to be like, I'll volunteer?

[Jake Johnson]

No, we were partners. So. And I told her the cooking class, you had to have a partner. And I was like, if I don't go, they're going to kick my friend out. So I got to go. So they were teaching us specific times each week, and then they got more complicated each week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was the. Did the instructor have a ponytail and was he wearing Teva? Did you say yes?

[Jake Johnson]

They were two females and one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, never mind. Okay. If there's a female with a ponytail, she's cool.

[Heather]

Did you feel like a guy in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tevas with a ponytail with a. Some version of a tattoo that wrapped around one of his arms and a bracelet and sun soaked from that Orlando sun.

[Shark]

The ponytail is the body's first rope.

[Heather]

God gave us all a rope.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But now, Heather Orlando, 25, We've got one pitch so far and that is we create a fake website about this cooking class. We make it very real. We pitch it with you until you're happy with it. When you and us, and as a community, we'll do a follow up where we will. We can show it to people on our. Maybe on the Instagram or whatever. We can build it really with the Patreon community because they've been really kind of hands on to make it as real as possible. When we feel it's bulletproof, you send her a link to it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When you hear that, what do you think? It's a big risk. If you get caught, you've lost your job.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what I'm worried about. Because, okay, if she finds out, I mean, at this point she wouldn't be mad about what I really did. Who would be mad about the 1000 lies I made up and told her to get it? So I am in deep, you know, I think the website is the only way out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so you feel right now, just to be clear with what you said, because I got a little turned around there, if you said to her right now, I didn't go to the cooking class, I went to a rope tying class because I wanted to get tied up, you feel like she would not trust you anymore and you would lose your job.

[Jake Johnson]

She would say, so why did you tell me? I mean, I made up so much stuff about this class.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what you mean by the thousand lies. Okay, so you've now talked. You're gonna die by a thousand little cuts.

[Heather]

It's really. Your options are fully come clean or get filthy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Heather]

And I think you're probably right that it's probably better to just go big. Where did you leave it with her? Like, when she suggested this, what did you say? You were like, oh, yeah, I'll hook you up.

[Jake Johnson]

At first I was like, yeah, I'll send you the link. And then I thought, maybe she won't ask again. She asked again, and I said, you know what? My friend booked it. I'll have to get it from her. And then she didn't ask for, like, a week, so I thought I was in the clear. But then last. Today's Monday. Last Thursday, she said, like, you know, my doctor says I'm ready to go and leave the house and that we gotta move. Sounded like so much fun.

[Heather]

So we gotta move. If we're gonna do this, we gotta move because it will become weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's right at the line.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, because if I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If somebody tells me they've done something and I ask, I go, hey, man, could you hook me up with that? And they go, yeah. And it doesn't happen. I'm now starting to go, why?

[Heather]

Yeah, why are you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why are you being controlling of a cooking class, you weirdo. You're so weird.

[Heather]

Okay, so. So let's just talk real quick. So the. We're gonna put this.

[Jake Johnson]

I have an idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Heather]

This is not the prank, okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. Yeah, it is. It could help. What do you got?

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus. We say that the cooking class is like a traveling cooking class. And I didn't know, but it was only in Orlando that one time.

[Heather]

So then the website is sort of reflecting that, or are you saying no website?

[Shark]

Well, yeah, I think website can reflect it. That'd be fun.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I would lean towards, like, going to Atlanta.

[Shark]

Yeah. August 2024, Atlanta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My fear of that gu. Here's my fear of that. I'll go to Atlanta.

[Heather]

Well, it's not Atlanta.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you're right. Okay. Shark. How long would it take to actually get this website going?

[Heather]

Are we close to done Caitlin?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Today. And.

[Shark]

Yeah, we can do it today or tomorrow. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so if we had. Today's Monday.

[Jake Johnson]

Mm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather, if we had something to you by Wednesday, would you send it to her? If you approve the look of it right away.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. What do you think of this as a real solution?

[Jake Johnson]

I would need to I guess tell you all the details that I told her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you could put that in an email.

[Shark]

Totally email to us. Caitlyn and I can put it in the site and you can give us notes too. If you're like, change this, this doesn't make sense. Let us know.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Heather]

I on there would put like almost like tour dates, like a list of cities where this is going to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the thing that you stand ups do like sold out. So you put a date and then.

[Heather]

You put the red box around Tickets moving fast. Yes, I would do that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather, are you into this?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, but I'm not on Patreon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you don't have to be.

[Heather]

No, no, you have to join. Yeah, actually join the Patreon. What are you doing, Heather?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, you got money for.

[Heather]

You're tying sailors knots around people's wrists. You don't have time to joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Heather]

Wow. This is tough to hear. This is tough to hear.

[Jake Johnson]

Well now this is important to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So on the Patreon too, we, we tie people up.

[Heather]

I would say 60 of our stuff is not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's all not.

[Heather]

It's like a sailing class. More.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like More. Yeah, it's like 85 tying people up. Heather, we're gonna go. But this is something I really think could work. Make sure obviously you don't need to hear it from two guys over 43 years old. I made you a little younger, Gareth.

[Heather]

What? No, you're actually right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do not send this and give notes. Don't just say yes until you are 100 confident with this website because we can make it bulletproof. And I really believe this is going to work. She's going to get it. She's going to look at the website, we're going to have all your details and then she's going to go like, ah, too bad it's not here anymore. And they're canceling a lot of stuff. They've moved. And then you go like, oh, that sucks. Then right away you go, let's find something else for you.

[Heather]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Heather]

Actually I would even suggest that you maybe have a cooking class that you've researched in the Orlando area. And so you can say, how about this? Instead send this link and go, I don't think she's here anymore. She travels a lot. But here's one that my friend also recommended.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also, why does it take four weeks to learn how to get tied up?

[Heather]

Yeah, what's going on?

[Jake Johnson]

It was a once a Week for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just.

[Heather]

So why did you have to. Oh, you had to miss work once a day for it? Once a week?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay, I got you. Because I was thinking 30 straight days of somebody going like this, and that's how you get tied up. I'm like, after the fifth day, I'm thinking, I know how to get tied up.

[Heather]

Yeah, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I get it now. I feel like it is 25 days not to work. Heather, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I didn't take a month off. Thank you, guys.

[Heather]

All right, Heather, let us know because we want to do it right.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, bye. Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. Can we get your name, please?

[Jake Johnson]

Hi, my name is Sarah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Sarah. And where are you calling from, Sarah?

[Jake Johnson]

I am calling from central Kansas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And have a lot of people told you you have a very pleasant voice in your life? Is that a reoccurring theme?

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? Someone once told me that I would make a great, like, voiceover for a cartoon character.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I believe that. Yeah, I believe that person is really smart. So I've got some sad news and then some personal, very happy news.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I'd love to hear it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The sad news is Gareth is doing a live show in Alaska. He couldn't make it, but it's truly not his fault. We pulled this off last minute, so he wishes he could be here. But the personal good news is we've replaced him tonight with my older brother, my BFF, Mr. Dan Johnson. It's true, Sarah. I'm here for you. I'm here. Sarah, the man who. When I first. When I first got on television, Sarah. As the character Nick Miller of New Girl. We were at a bar together in Chicago called Old Town. True story. And Dan stood up and yelled, I'm Chris Miller, Nick Miller's older brother. And I actually did go to law school. Ladies, it's a true story.

[Shark]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then later that night. And then. We're going to get to you. I. They asked me to get up on stage at the great Second City.

[Shark]

Hell, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To do an improv thing. And it was a. A friend of mine. I think it might have been Bunger, who said, it was wild, man. He goes, you got up there. Your brother heckled you from the first until the end.

[Shark]

A true brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Sarah, you're in for a treat. So you also got the shark, of course. So the floor is yours. Please tell us what is going on, and we will do our best to get you out of this situation.

[Jake Johnson]

Awesome. Well, thank you so much. So the situation is I have a sister who invites herself to all of our family's guy functions. So I'm talking Father's day at the local cigar lounge. I'm talking going down to a bar downtown with my dad, husband and brother in laws. And understandably, it drives my husband crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. So Sarah is it. So is it your sister?

[Jake Johnson]

My sister. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Goes with your husband. Boys night.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, for boys night. And it doesn't matter what the occasion is. She tags her, she just invites herself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Along and she shows up. And who are the. In terms of the boys night, who is it? It's your husband.

[Kevin]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

So it's my husband, my dad, and then my sister's husband. So my brother in law. And then I have a another sister and another brother in law.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Four guys and then her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Understood. So it. But it's not like. It's not like you and me, Dan. It's not like, you know, it's not like.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your husband and his brother are like, I can't believe my wife's sister showed up. Yeah, it's a husband, a brother in law, a brother in law, a father. So she's going to her husband's guy's night out.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, so your dad had three daughters?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, he did.

[Heather]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I get it now. So it's him with his three son in laws.

[Jake Johnson]

That's correct. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's going like, hey, look at this. I didn't have. I got three guys, we're having cigars and then one of his daughters is there.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so more than the husband, because the in laws, the husbands, they don't matter. This is a father, daughter, 100%. What is that? What is. What are we calling your sister Amber? Rachel. Rachel. That's. That's me and Dan. Sister. Our sister's name. Rachel.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's just call her Rachel. I like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can't. What's. What's. What are we calling her? You said Amber.

[Jake Johnson]

Amber.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amber. So what does your dad feel about Amber? Crash in these?

[Jake Johnson]

So he's not saying anything. He's never made a peace to me or anybody else. It's just my husband is. He's like, why is she coming?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, what is. What is. What's Amber's husband's fake name?

[Jake Johnson]

So we're gonna go with Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chris. And what does Chris say to your husband about it? Yeah, that's right.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a good question. I guess I haven't explored that. It's very hard to get them away from each other. They're very close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're very codependent.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, they are. Like they met in high school. They were 16 years old. High school sweethearts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Amber. Dan is married to his high school sweetheart. Take it easy. Get a little, A little defensive, Sarah. You take it easy. You take it.

[Jake Johnson]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, look, I just came from a guy's night out and of course Kelly was there and I just don't see what the problem is, Sarah. Right, okay, but so they're always together.

[Jake Johnson]

They're always together. So it's very hard to talk with one without the other there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how would you describe Amber in the group of sisters growing up? Was she in the middle of it? Was she. She. The baby? Was she the baby? Was she the middle? Was she the oldest? Where's she at in the group? What's her vibe?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, so she's the middle child and she. I'm. I love my sister. I love my sister. But I would describe her as. She's very stubborn, very selfish. Whereas me and my youngest are more like minded and not. We're more people pleasing. Whereas she really, really doesn't care what people think. But we're all three very tight, all very close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so your husband says, at these guys night, does Amber ruin the vibe or is she just there?

[Jake Johnson]

She ruins the vibe, absolutely. She's, she's loud, she's a talker, she speaks her mind. So yeah, she makes her presence known for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got a. I've got my first pitch. You're ready for a pitch? I think so.

[Jake Johnson]

I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think your husband needs to set up a. The next guy's night at a place like a men's spa, where like the only way you walk in, it's like if you go to like an old.

[Shark]

Golf course, you have to undress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like the locker room has a bar. You go like, I'm sorry, Amber, we would love to smoke cigars with you and talk wives.

[Shark]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But in this specific place, it's unbelievable. It's guys only. There's a sign on the door.

[Heather]

Yeah, I love that.

[Jake Johnson]

I love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. Go ahead, Dan. No, finish up, finish up. Well, I think there's something to that. Now it's not going to be easy to get Chris on board with that. This right point. This is my.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're shooting early and I'll tell you why.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, if you want to add. Oh, sorry, go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, there's more to learn.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. So I do want to say so like I said, I have a good relationship with her. I feel like I can come to her. I did talk to her this year like approaching Father's Day because that's one that she always tags along to. And I just said I tried a couple of different things. I said, hey, let us girls do something fun while the guys are getting together. In which she responds, oh no, I like cigars or I like drinks. So I want to be there too. I don't want to miss out. I've offered to watch her kids so she has the opportunity to go do something for herself. And she responds. She responds, oh well, if you watch my kids then I can just go be with the guys. That would be great. So then finally I just said, and I'm passive and nice. So I said it through a text Midwestern. I said, hey, my husband doesn't appreciate it when you come to guys night. Damn setup and delivery was, it would be okay if you didn't come.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Damn. By the way, I said this nice and passive because I'm from the Midwest. I texted, hey bitch, no one likes you. You're a piece of shit. I've always way bonded more with my youngest sister because you're the C word. You literally ruined our family. Bunny ears. I put Vaseline on my face. Yeah. I got to say Sarah, that's. So you said my. But by the way, Sarah, I think you made a big mistake. I think you made a big mistake. You blamed him.

[Shark]

Yeah, that's tough. What was the reaction? What was the reaction?

[Jake Johnson]

So the reaction was she said, I understand completely. Exclamation point, smiley face. And then you know what happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? She went again.

[Jake Johnson]

Neither of them. So my brother in law didn't come. Yeah. So I was like, well now I'm at a loss. I feel like I've tried different options. They haven't worked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here, that's where, that's where it's at right now. Right now. Chris and Amber no longer go to the guys nights. It does your dad and the two other guys, do they still do it or is it now like got a weird stink to it?

[Jake Johnson]

They still do it but they miss him. They, they would like for him to tag along but they do still get together.

[Shark]

Poor Chris.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Shark]

Poor Chris looking out the window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder what, I wonder what the guys are doing.

[Shark]

Probably smoking a my father.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And do you think, Sarah, from your point of view, Chris wants to be back out there with the guys?

[Jake Johnson]

I do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I, I will say that in general, he doesn't have a closeness to our family as the other two brother in laws do. I would say my younger sister's husband and my husband, they. They really, truly are like family and that they gel so perfectly. But I would say, yeah, they're. They don't come to near as much family functions as the others do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me throw something out there. Let me throw something out there. This might be right, this might be wrong. I just got a gut feeling this is. This is gonna be swinging and miss, but I love the ambition. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's all right. I think Chris is asking Amber to come. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think he's saying, I don't feel close to these guys. It's your family. It's not my dad, it's your dad. I don't feel like these two other guys are like, hey, dad. Hey, dad. And I'm like, you have a dad, you little bitches. Stop acting like you're part of their family. Guess what? Divorced. You're out. He's like, they're weird. They're weird. They're acting like he's our daddy, too. You're a grown man, right? He's like, but I gotta go. Because they're nice. They're inviting me. Yeah, but come with Amber. I like you. Yeah. I. So if you come, it's fun. You're fun. Yeah. I've liked you since I was 16. All I want is Amber. What I don't want is Amber's D bag brother in law in law. And these tweedle D and tweedle dumb being like, yes, Daddy, Yes, Daddy, can I get in the inheritance? Guess what the truth is? Chris and your husband, they're not brothers, Right? They're not brothers in law. They're two dudes. Nothing. Yes, they're nothing. Chris hates your husband, Amber, by the way. Dan, let's rewind. This will be a swing and a miss, too. He hates your husband. Guess what, how fast the winds turn for old dj. Yeah, guess what, Jake, you were ambitious, but that time you connected, that ball sailed out of stadium. Thank you. Because you sniffed it out. It's all Amber's husband. Because that's what I'm thinking. Because I'll tell you what. And tell us if we're wrong, Sarah. We're not. But. But Amber, when you say things like, you could just. I'll babysit your kids and you can go do anything. Everybody in the world wants a night off. Yeah, yeah. She's going, no, no, no, no. No, I'm going to hang out with my dad, your husband, my other sister's husband, and go smoke cigars. Because I love cigars so much because Chris has told her. I don't know how to say no to these guys. I can't spend another Friday night with these goobers talking about the tile company. Help me.

[Jake Johnson]

I can see it. You can see it? Yeah, I really can. Now that you're talking through.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Is this true?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, of course it might be true. I mean, I can't confirm, obviously, but, like, as you're saying it, it's absolutely a possibility.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so maybe Amber's swallowing the grenade. So what you can do is, on these guys nights, you can turn it into a family night. And the guys can do their thing, but Chris is allowed to hang back with Amber. And you, like, if you guys all go do something, and then there's a part where your dad goes like, hey, me and the guys are gonna go watch me hit golf balls. Wait. And his two sons. Wait a minute. Jake. What? Sarah's father is not Chris Elliott? Yeah, yeah, Chris Elliot's a very different read. I know I'm not an impression guy, but that was not Chris. No, no, no, no. Sarah, was that anywhere near your dad?

[Jake Johnson]

My dad is like a teddy bear. Like, so friendly, so inviting, so welcoming. Just a total sweetheart. So, okay, I don't know what character that plays after, but that's him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So his. So his vibe. So you. So does your dad like golf?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do the guys do? Just smoke cigars in a hot, dark room?

[Jake Johnson]

Usually drink or. Cigars? Yeah, those are kind of alcohol.

[Shark]

Are you related to my family?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we might be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I got. I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, honestly, if I'm Chris, I'm going. I can't do it. No, I can't sit. And I know my brother Dan can't do it either. He couldn't even hang out in a casino because of the smoke. It's repulsive. So, I mean, look, it's repulsive. It's disgusting. So who wants this? It's so.

[Jake Johnson]

He might with you. I don't like it either.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, let me. I got it. Here comes a truck. Let me put my face over the exhaust and then we'll talk about, you know, football. It's stupid. It's just dumb. Kevin's a cigar man.

[Shark]

There's a big humidor from Jake right behind me.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, I listened to every episode. I know that that was gifted to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, it was.

[Shark]

It says the shark on it.

[Jake Johnson]

So I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sarah, we still got to help you, though. Yeah. What do I do? Will you phrase. I know this is too late in the game to do it, but will you phrase your problem in a question just so we could see if there's a way out of this? Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And thank you. Now that we've talked, I. I'm feeling a little less hopeful, but my. My question. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stomped out your hope, huh? Yeah. After you literally just said after talking about it. I'm less hopeful on a podc. We're here to help. This is the epitome of a failed premise. Guess what? I think Gareth might be better at this than I am. I got, you know, we're missing just some jokes. Just some jokes where we go. We didn't help at all, but they felt more positive.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys have given me great insight that I did not have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're talking about.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel like that is extremely helpful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right, so phrase it, if you don't mind.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, the original question was, and maybe we need to change this, but how can I get my brother in law to come to guys night without my sister tagging along?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, but the new question would be. I'm asking. The new question would be, why did I call in? How do I get off this call? Because you're making me hate things. I. I don't want to hurt my feelings, but this was a fail for me. No. Okay, so I have an idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You tell Chris the next guy's night that you're throwing Amber a surprise party for just the girls.

[Jake Johnson]

Ooh, I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right? You say this.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then it's all the girls. And she's like, what is this? And we're like, yeah, and you're just. Just celebrating, Amber, it's AM's night with a drink and the nails and all the stuff ams loves. And she's like, what is this? And we go. You go, honestly, this is just because we like you and we want a night with you.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I love that. And honestly, that fits so well with me and my sisters. Like, that would not be weird for us to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you could also say after that, the next one. You guys surprise me. You. So she's like, it's not just to get me away. You go, like, we're trading a new thing where we're like, passing on the surprise. So now Amber. Or you say the next sister, now you're planning the next one. Right? But I like about this plan the most is you're gonna on it. And we were about to win. No, no. What I like about it is what should happen is you're forcing Chris to go to guys nights he hates. And he should because it's good for him. Yeah, it's good. He should grow up, Chris. Enjoy it. You're all over the place.

[Jake Johnson]

He has been in our family way longer than anybody else. Because they've been together for like 16 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, your dad's great. Suck it up, Chris. He could find a fun night and hang out. Yes, he can. But really so too. But then. But really what we're doing is. Because you can't control Chris, Sarah. But you can control your sister because you did it most of her life.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. It's true. As of her older sister, that is absolutely on point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I could tell. And you have been puppeteering that little girl as much as you can. And now she's breaking free. So let's pull some goddamn strings. And the strings you're gonna pull is the next one that your husband is figuring out with your dad and the guys. And he could be talking to Chris and the other guy about, we're gonna surprise, you know, dad, and we're gonna take dad to some gars and drinks and just do a night. And then he could say you. He doesn't say anything to Chris. Then you guys reach out to her and say, we need you to come do this thing for us. Or you pull Amber in and it's a surprise for the other sister. So she's helping you throw the other sister to make it not all seem about Amber getting away from guys night.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. So you got two paths. One could be Amber's helping you plan this. And it's like, we're just gonna do a night for her. Let's just have fun. We don't do this as sisters. And mom, enough. Is mom still around?

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. Yep. We're all very close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then say there. No. How about this? Go. They're doing a surprise for dad, so let's do a surprise for mom.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right? Because if it's just about Amber, she might see through it. But be like, will you help us do this? Let's give mom a great night.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I love that plan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you should do it.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice job. Thanks for saying you guys. Not my brother Dan, by the way, while I was saying it, Sarah, my brother was just shaking his head, waiting to go. Nope. Yeah. Look, I'm a guest, so I'm supposed To be polite. Great idea, guys. Really gonna work out. So Sarah, what do you think you're gonna do here? You think you're gonna do that?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, absolutely. I, I love the idea of kind of putting it on the parents because then us as sisters can kind of gather together to plan it and then the guys can gather together to plan something for my dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I think it will work really nicely. And then you just need to get Amber in on the planet so that. And never blame it on your husband. If about her not coming. I think that's gonna create, albeit just a shit zone for him. And then he and Chris have to deal with it. Yeah. Then if she gets mad at him, it's just like, come on, History.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And it's tricky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So now we rarely, we rarely do this, Sarah, but we're about to get off the phone, but simply because my brother Dan was on. Could you do something and pretend you're texting it so you're more honest. But could you give me, could you give each of us a grade 1 through 10 via text? By the way, you're a mean spirited. I'm the grandma from the other call. You are. So now Kevin, for example, keep in mind he produced this, he called, he got you on. This was a call about siblings. So I just want you to think of that. So go ahead. Your first one would maybe be Kevin out of 10. He did put this together. It did work out nicely. Go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

10 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, great, congrats. Now how about me? Good job. What did you think? And you could be honest?

[Jake Johnson]

10 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thank you so much. That means the world to me. And now how about Dan?

[Jake Johnson]

7 out of 10.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Real Midwestern. Thank you for the call, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. Bye. All the best. Thanks for nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, Sarah.

[Shark]

Hello caller, can you hear us? Yes, hi, this is the shark producer, Kevin. I got Jake with me. Gareth is probably in his. He's mia. Straight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's mia. Yeah, he was supposed to be with us and he's missing. But we're happy to have you.

[Kevin]

I'm happy to be here. Thank you.

[Shark]

So Jake doesn't know who this is. I obviously do. Can you remind Jake and the listeners who you are and what your first call was about?

[Kevin]

Yes, but Jake, do you really not know? Because sometimes I don't believe it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really don't know.

[Kevin]

Oh, okay. I'm Heather from Orlando. I went to the cooking class.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yes, Heather. How's the website? I was doing those emails with you guys a little bit and Then I fell off.

[Kevin]

Oh, I didn't know you were on the emails.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I was first writing with you and Caitlin a little bit. So tell me what's going on.

[Kevin]

So the website turned out great. I joined the Patreon and people on the Patreon. Yeah, we're, like, giving feedback and helping Caitlyn with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Patreon's fun, not gonna lie. It's a good community.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it is. It is.

[Kevin]

I'm glad I'm on there. So I sent it to my boss Tuesday night, and we recorded Monday afternoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No way I'm gonna show. Good. Oh, my God. Okay. The Friendly Shark. Shark making food that will make you.

[Shark]

Say so shout out to Caitlin for making this site. Heather, we're looking at it right now. It's the friendly shark. Squarespace.com. incredible. And it looks so legit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, it does. What people are saying is really good. How it works.

[Shark]

There's a bunch of testimonials and, like, how it works set up. And I'm pretty sure these photos are from listeners that sent us photos of, like, their own foods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, first of all, shout. Shout out to the patrons and everybody in that community who helped with this and Caitlin, this looks so good. So if you're. If you're listening, check it out on YouTube just to see this right now. It's very good.

[Shark]

And then. Sorry, I'm kind of scrambling everything. Heather, can you remind the listeners really quick what your call was about?

[Heather]

I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kevin, this will be in the same episode, right?

[Shark]

Oh, that's true. That's true. So. All right, so disregard that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we'll play it. We'll play it right after. We'll go back to back. So, Heather, your boss saw this, and what happened, happened.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay?

[Kevin]

So I'm embarrassed because I rewatched our call before calling in now. And I was saying, like, we got to be careful, guys. She's really smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The reveal is, your boss is not very smart.

[Jake Johnson]

She is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You work for a very dumb individual. She goes like, this sounds good. Bye.

[Kevin]

She said like, this isn't the right website.

[Jake Johnson]

He was like, this.

[Kevin]

She was like, this one's in Nashville. And I guess she closed it. And I said, oh, let me look at it. And then I was like, oh, you just have to scroll down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It.

[Kevin]

It was in Orlando. And I kind of had to explain it to her, like, looks like it's a traveling cooking class. Looks like you missed it.

[Shark]

And.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Kevin]

And she was like, hang on. She was like, this says friendly sharks, question mark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's like, why would it be called Friendly Sharks? And you go, honestly, I have no idea. Oh, I see. In the text right now, I'm putting.

[Shark]

Up that screenshot, Heather, where your boss says, it says friendly Sharks, question mark, and you say, I think that's just the company title.

[Heather]

Lol.

[Shark]

Your boss says, I don't think that is the right website. It just says, it's in Nashville. And then you say, oh, let me take a look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, this sums up our show. We put so much effort in. And the person goes, what the hell is happening? It is the Friendly Shots in Nashville. And then you just go, anyway, never mind. And she goes, forgot to ask. This was stupid. And you go, all right. It's a victory for the podcast.

[Kevin]

Well, I sent her one that's in Orlando.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And she's like, wait, not from the Friendly Sharks. You sent her a different.

[Kevin]

Afterwards, I sent her like, well, maybe you could go to this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait a second, Heather, you're talking about a whole different website for a cooking class.

[Kevin]

No, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

So after this.

[Kevin]

After I sent her this website, and we're like, oh, darn, you missed it. Don't worry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I understand. Oh, I get it. So your. The one you took was Friendly Sharks, so that's now done. She can't do Friendly. Said, hey, do this other one. And she was like, sounds fun. I'm kind of interested. So your problem has been 100% solved.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, Heather, Heather, this is a massive win for the show.

[Kevin]

I want to point out, it was the first pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yeah, well, sometimes you hit a home run on the first pitch. You don't need to see seven. Always.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Kevin]

So that, I mean, good job.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Kevin]

I couldn't have done this on my own.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am sad the Garf isn't here for this victory.

[Shark]

It is. It is confusing. We'll tell him definitely in an intro. It is confused. Not confusing is not the right word sometimes.

[Heather]

Look it.

[Shark]

Heather, I'm getting a phone call right now from one Gareth Reynolds.

[Kevin]

Too late.

[Shark]

Gareth, we're doing the follow up with the. The cooking website. Can you hear me?

[Kevin]

Can you hear me?

[Heather]

I thought Jake said he couldn't do it.

[Shark]

Yeah, he's on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've been texting Gareth.

[Heather]

What the. Get on.

[Shark]

Go to the. Go to the email and join the Zoom. We're doing the follow up right now with the BDSM person who gave the cooking class to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, one second.

[Jake Johnson]

Second.

[Shark]

Okay, he's gonna join right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One sec. Hey, Heather. Yeah? Pretend it went bad. Pretend it went bad.

[Kevin]

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just a little bit. We'll have a couple minutes of fun and then we'll get out with a victory. Okay. How that you. How that you lost your job.

[Kevin]

Got it?

[Shark]

Yeah. Tell Gareth you lost your job.

[Kevin]

Oh, yeah, I'm in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But congratulations. This is amazing.

[Shark]

It's so funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So funny.

[Jake Johnson]

Congratulations to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Shark]

What I was going to say was it's so deceitful. Not deceiving, but. But we often warm up and get to, like, the home run, like around the seventh inning. It is really funny when you did it with Cat fundraiser too, where it was like, first one grand slam, second one grand slam. But it's like, Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. It rarely happen. That's why we get so excited and build a website and then do a follow up on the day after. It's hard to get to get a victory. Well, so this is. This is good for you, Heather. This is a nice clean. It's now over and you're moving on and now you're just locking more into tying people up or getting yourself tied up.

[Jake Johnson]

Correct, of course.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that sounds. It sounds like a really nice win. You don't have to deal with the boss anymore and now you get to have a little bit of fun and keep your job.

[Shark]

It is funny how many of our calls can end with, I don't know. I think if we just make a really good website, like, people will believe it.

[Kevin]

Well, yeah, I didn't know if you guys were going to be like, maybe we. You guys know how you've been doing. But like, fake tik toks that we'll send to an old person. I thought you were going to be like, so we just heard that cooking classes are racist now. No one should go to them.

[Heather]

All right.

[Shark]

Gareth's joining.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That would have been a fun way of doing it.

[Heather]

The show's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But I will say before and we will fully get in. You haven't finished perming your hair. You are midway through a perm. So, Gareth, you. You chasing these new hairstyles? This one's insane. This not.

[Heather]

What are you. I was just hanging out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you not.

[Heather]

You said you couldn't do 4:3.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, but then we texted. Kevin kept saying, he's got something. So then I said, I'll do. Whenever G said, you good for five. I said, I'll jump it at five. We can just do some ads. We finished. The ad said, weird. Then he said, this went on, but just as a heads up. And we can trim this part out. This is Heather from the cooking class that she showed her boss. And Caitlyn made a truly great website. Okay, so it's not on the website. So the website and the pitch we've already established was a good move.

[Heather]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Heather, the floor is yours.

[Kevin]

Sorry, it's kind of hard to joke around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. What. I didn't mean anything by that to start. I just wanted Gareth not to come in here and have a tone that he didn't know because his hair is very different. And that threw me. So I. I apologize. Jake. Jake, I apologize.

[Heather]

Sorry, Jake, you live in a shanty near a fake locker room with a tackle duck.

[Kevin]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin]

The website was fine. Like I said, my boss is really smart and she did kind of see through it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's not Caitlyn or the Patreon's fault.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it's truly not your fault. It's not your fault.

[Kevin]

Like, I shouldn't have messed around with this in the first place. I'm the one that kind of chose to lie in the first place to her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But hold on, Heather, maybe there's a way that we could pitch that. We could write a letter or do something from our end where we.

[Kevin]

Honestly, guys, I think you've done an awesome up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Heather]

Okay. No, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Heather, your performance was excellent. He just sniffed it. No, but, Heather, Holy cow. The Academy Award goes to you.

[Heather]

Heather, you were great.

[Kevin]

Thank you.

[Heather]

You were great. No doubt. You were great. I'm just not going to script. You were great. You were great. It's just. Just this. This show has become Jackass. This is now. Nothing is okay. Everything's crazy. How did you know that? There's no way. Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was it me? Was I too excited?

[Heather]

It would just. The situ. It would just be very. Yes. And it would be very strange. Yeah. To be like Jabon. Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right.

[Heather]

Anyway, Heather, tell us about your life and plug loaded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, you're right. I mean, I will say we had a good plan. The. Your look, she was surprising. She was great.

[Heather]

She was great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought her performance was so good and I was all over the place because I wouldn't have been laughing.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And.

[Heather]

Jake, Jake, you were. You really. You could have just. Yeah, you should. When I jumped on, you should have been like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know.

[Heather]

This is what you should have done. Okay, Gareth, you look crazy, but I honestly, I wish I could get into that. But we're actually talking to Heather, who has a pretty on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. Really fast. Let's role Play. I'm gonna come on and you be Jake. Let's run it again. Heather, you run. How do I turn my screen off really fast? I'm gonna hit bottom left, stop video.

[Heather]

On the bottom left, hit end and chat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not even gonna do that because I'm gonna end up hanging up. I'm gonna do this.

[Heather]

Okay, great. Nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Heather and Gareth, you guys are forming the plan.

[Heather]

I just don't even know what to say to you in this situation. Any. Oh, hey, Jake. Yeah, Jake, look. So. Okay, I don't even. This is actually really strange that you just jumped on mid call. Your hair looks fine. It doesn't really bother me that. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

[Kevin]

Can we just focus up here?

[Heather]

Yeah, absolutely. So Heather, you remember Heather, Jake, we made the fake website for to because she made up the cooking class for her.

[Kevin]

I'm sorry to interrupt. It's like every word out of your mouth mouth stabs me in the heart a little more.

[Heather]

I know, I know. We're not going to air this. We're not going to use this. I mean we just really want to say sorry and you know, it's a shame.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, sorry.

[Kevin]

He's not going to pay my rent, but sure.

[Heather]

Well, how about this? How about this? What we can do is. We can. And Jake, I'll bring you up to date after this. But what we can do is. No, no, hold on. What we can do is after the show let's like we can easily start a GoFundMe for you. I honestly will give you my part of the patreon. We've been working our asses off on that. I bet Jake would too. You know, we could just definitely like try to set you up, you know. I know. Jake, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I call. I call basically. So.

[Heather]

What? Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you did a very good job, Jake, by the way.

[Kevin]

You guys know what you should do? You should clip this and be like, like next time on We're Here to Help. And then it's me crying.

[Heather]

Are you like the third member of this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's good. Yeah, she's very talented.

[Shark]

Heather's gonna take me out of a job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heather, you might, you might have just turned into another Connor. We might have to bring you on for a call at some point.

[Heather]

Oh my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is because your, your acting is really good. You know what we could really do is bring Heather in if we ever need like a ringer. A ringer. Like we're doing something coming in you. So that time I love that you made an acting choice. You decided to get Nasty with it. You didn't repeat. It was very good. Gareth, you were great, too. I think what we learned is I screwed up the first one. I got excited seeing you. Garf, we did the ads without you. Shark was crazy. Shark was great.

[Heather]

You can only imagine the amount of shrapnel I took on the ads. Did you do an intro without me?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, we didn't mention you.

[Heather]

Okay, all right, well, that hurts too. Honestly, Heather, I did the intro. What is the actual update?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The update went great. It worked for us. Let's do something funny. Let's do something funny.

[Heather]

We just have been so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This. This call's over, Gareth. It's a big win. We won big. What if we stop right now and do an intro for this episode? And Heather's in the intro.

[Heather]

Okay, Please.

[Jake Johnson]

I will pass away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so we're gonna. So. So, everybody. So this will then be the end of this episode. And we can leave this in so that when they have heard it all. All. So, everybody, thanks for listening to this fun episode. And then get ready because you've already heard the intro. Goodbye, everybody. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Heather]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis.

[Heather]

Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Number one, remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. And season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.

[Heather]

Hey there. We're Heredos. That's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth just reminding you if you have not checked out my new podcast, podcast next. We have also a Headgun production. Please do that. It is a show that just has a lot of good, quick hitting segments that are funny. The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time magazine's Podcast of the Year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But, you know, listen, we're here to help the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next we have. Please give it a listen. And if you like it, you know, do all that stuff you got to do with podcasts. Appreciate it.