187: The Man in the Iron Hair & The Oprah of Lube (with Justin Long)

Summary

Episode 187: The Man in the Iron Hair & The Oprah of Lube (with Justin Long)
Released on July 9, 2025

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Introduction and Special Guest Appearance

The episode begins with hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds introducing their special guest, Justin Long, marking a first for the show's intro segment. The trio engages in playful banter about Jake's new acting role as a "wacky neighbor" in an upcoming sitcom. They discuss the challenges and joys of working in a multicam setup with a live audience, highlighting Justin's admiration for Jake's comedic talents.

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds [00:25]: "What's up, Justin? What's up, guys?"

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First Caller: Rebecca from London – The Man in the Iron Hair

At [13:49], Rebecca calls in from London, UK, introducing herself as a 31-year-old actor concerned about her uncle, John, who is dealing with balding. John has adopted a distinctive comb-over style, growing his hair long at the back to push it forward, creating an unappealing point at the front that he frequently glues down. Rebecca seeks advice on how to encourage her uncle to embrace his baldness or consider alternative solutions without causing family awkwardness, especially since John lives abroad in China and rarely visits.

Notable Quotes:
Rebecca [14:00]: "I have an uncle who's been balding for quite a long time, but he is clinging on for dear life. And he's grown out the very back part of his hair."

Gareth Reynolds [16:17]: "What’s his story? Why is he painting his hair backward? What’s going on here?"

Jake Johnson [22:46]: "He’s otherwise a quiet, serious guy, so this odd hairdo is out of character."

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Advice and Roleplay: Tackling Uncle John's Hairline

The hosts, along with Justin Long, dive into a humorous roleplay session to simulate a conversation Rebecca might have with her uncle. They explore creative and comedic strategies to address the delicate topic, balancing concern with humor.

Notable Quotes:
Justin Long [30:24]: "Have him on a windy day, maybe take him swimming, so the hair doesn't hold up."

Jake Johnson [27:07]: "He pushes it all forward and mats it down. It’s as if he’s wearing a wrestler’s helmet."

Gareth Reynolds [32:26]: "You look great. You look 10 years younger."

Rebecca expresses her appreciation for the lighthearted yet sincere advice, indicating her intention to implement the suggested strategies during her uncle's upcoming visit in June.

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Second Caller: Kate from Ontario, Canada – The Oprah of Lube

Later in the episode, Kate calls in from Ontario, Canada, sharing her predicament of accumulating an excessive amount of lubricant due to an unintended subscription program associated with her sex therapy practice. Over the past year, Kate has received thousands of lubricant packets, which she has been distributing to patients and friends, dubbing herself the "Oprah Winfrey of lube." Kate seeks creative solutions to either repurpose the excess lube or find a way to discontinue the subscription.

Notable Quotes:
Kate [48:31]: "I have too much lube. I have way too much lube."

Jake Johnson [50:11]: "Well, Jake, I wonder if you and Gareth want to give it out as, you know, for your show, to promote the show."

Rebecca [49:29]: "I have too much lube. I have way too much lube."

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Creative Pitches: Solving the Lube Overflow

The hosts brainstorm a series of imaginative and humorous solutions to help Kate manage her excess lubricant. Suggestions include hosting lube-themed parties, organizing games like lubed-up Twister, or sending the surplus to their friend Steve Berg as part of an ongoing prank. The conversation is filled with witty exchanges and playful ideas, demonstrating the hosts' commitment to providing entertaining yet practical advice.

Notable Quotes:
Gareth Reynolds [55:41]: "You could host a lube party where everything is lubed-themed, from games to party favors."

Justin Long [59:55]: "Are you going to sing, 'I'm proud to be sponsored by lube,' to Steve?"

Jake Johnson [62:57]: "What about a Twister? A lubed-up Twister."

Gareth Reynolds [63:55]: "And then have someone act like a bee on his head, messing up his hair, and follow it up with genuine compliments."

Kate responds enthusiastically to the suggestions, particularly favoring the lube party idea. The hosts encourage her to proceed with the plan and offer to assist with logistics, including shipping assistance if needed.

Notable Quotes:
Kate [65:09]: "I like the idea of the lube party. I feel like the wrestling in the kiddie pool could be super fun."

Gareth Reynolds [65:40]: "We’ll help you figure out how to make this party a reality."

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Conclusion and Future Engagement

The episode concludes with the hosts reiterating their commitment to helping listeners with their unique problems in a humorous and supportive manner. They encourage listeners to submit their own questions via email and promote their Patreon for access to video episodes. The interaction with Justin Long adds an extra layer of fun, showcasing the collaborative spirit of the episode.

Notable Quotes:
Jake Johnson [67:15]: "Thanks, Kate. Thank you, guys."

Gareth Reynolds [70:09]: "If you'd like to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com/heretohelpod."

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Key Takeaways:

• Humorous Approach to Advice: The hosts blend comedy with genuine support, making the advice segments engaging and entertaining.

• Creative Problem-Solving: From addressing peculiar hairstyles to managing excess products, the hosts offer out-of-the-box solutions that resonate with the show's lighthearted tone.

• Guest Collaboration: Justin Long's participation adds depth to the discussions, enhancing the show's dynamic and interactive nature.

This episode exemplifies We're Here to Help's unique ability to tackle unconventional problems with humor and camaraderie, ensuring listeners are both entertained and thoughtfully advised.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are back with a Wednesday special, special episode, special guest. And in an intro, we got Justin Long with us. What's up, Justin? What's up, guys?

[Jake Johnson]

Is this part of the weird stuff?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, just we'd never had a guest in an intro.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Oh, really?

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

First flattered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just fun.

[Justin Long]

It's good. Well, it's also. We've just had some calls that are really wild, truly.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want to see my sleeping pets?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will that help the intro?

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a dog sleeping. There's a cat looking at the door.

[Justin Long]

You can hear from Jake's enthusiasm, he loved the animal tour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll take it again.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's take it again. Sleeping in the intro. Do you say who's on the show today?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you, today. Oh.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. You're gonna love this guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Justin.

[Jake Johnson]

The hang of this intro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Justin's in our. Justin's in our show today. And you just did a TV show with Max Greenfield.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God. We talked about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I took a hike with Max the other day. He told me. Yes. He said it was as much as fun as he's had in ages.

[Jake Johnson]

It was ridiculous. He started doing a bit where he just started hiking up his pant. Did he tell you about that?

[Rebecca]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

He started hiking up his pants in the scene. He was wearing shorts and he just started pulling them up as high as he could in the scene.

[Justin Long]

Matt Foley.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, it was. It was like, Matt Foley, I live in a van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it was.

[Jake Johnson]

And. And I thought, well, surely he's gonna do one take where he's not doing this because it's like a network show. I think it's on at 8:00'.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Clock. And CBS.

[Jake Johnson]

And it was CBS.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it was. You don't mess with CBS. No.

[Jake Johnson]

And I thought, well, he's just doing this to get a laugh, to get the laughs out. And like, surely they'll do a take where every. I was so happy that every take he did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He did it.

[Jake Johnson]

The pan thing. And it was getting quite graphic. You know, you're seeing. You can see his dick. Oh, everything just perfect outline. And the whole thing. I'm so. Of course I'm playing that. I'm playing the. Like it's right in my face. And he's like, I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you, man. You know how he gets that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And it was a line about something else, but the whole scene became about me trying not to look at his junk. It was really fun. And cbs, every take. So it's Gonna be on the air.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Unless they cut the whole show and then what? Are you doing the. The new show too, or did you just do that episode? You are?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. I hope to God it gets picked up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is the story on it, man? I'm curious.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. I'm the wacky neighbor, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're doing. It's the. It's a spin off of the show. And you're.

[Jake Johnson]

Good for you with Shion and Marcel, two guys who are great, really great, really great actors. And Marcel and I have known each other for years, and I've been saying the last couple of years, my fantasy is to play the wacky neighbor on a sitcom.

[Justin Long]

You know best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're just the guy who's so funny.

[Jake Johnson]

That I've dreamed about it. You know, just a couple scenes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, everyone. Oh, it's Phil.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, can I borrow some sugar? Yeah, that's flower. You know, like that guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're just coming in for comedy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pure Jake the dream. You have no lifting. You have no lifting, no emotional stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's just a wild, weird neighbor.

[Justin Long]

That is the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is the best, man.

[Jake Johnson]

I curled my hair. It's all bouncy and fun, and I'm tripping.

[Justin Long]

That sounds great. Not so wacky, in my opinion. Jake, what do you think?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that's leading man hunk.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Early 2000 boy band.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, I think that's a fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I actually know 25.

[Justin Long]

All right, let's get to the show, because that actually doesn't sound too wacky to some of us. Sorry. No, that's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

In a sexy way.

[Justin Long]

Sexy. The sexy neighbor is actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin Long]

I think you define the character wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I do.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But by the way, man, I have. And, you know, we've talked about this together, but. And Gareth and I have talked about it too, but the idea of you being a comedic role, just comedic is so smart. Yeah. You are so funny. I'm like. Especially in a multicam. I'm like, if you can break that and you can actually, people can get a sense of your comedy in a multicam. What a killer.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you. You're kind. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. I love to watch it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's just so fun. It's so fun. It was so fun to make. It's making Cedric laugh. It was a blast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so you like the. What does the multicam feel like? You like it? Because I know Damon and Max love it.

[Jake Johnson]

I love it. You know, I Was really excited about. My favorite part of it is the live audience and they don't do a lot. I don't know if I should be saying this, but they don't do a live audience on the Neighborhood anymore. They do, they have like laughers, which is great that there are people who are left, but they're paid laughers, which is a job, you know, Incredible. If I stop, you know, if this doesn't work out, at a certain point, I wouldn't mind doing that. I sat with them for a while in the audience and I was like, I could do this, I could just laugh all day. But there was one guy who.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like the joker.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. That's such a wacky neighbor move, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is, it is.

[Jake Johnson]

Become a paid laugh.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, I'm a paid laugher now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But it was, I, I. There was one guy that was throwing me off because he, it felt like a little too fort. It felt like the guy who was over, over performing. Scary, scary. Just like ha. You know, it was, he was laughing. The way you spell laughter, like hahahaha.

[Justin Long]

Right. Yeah, it's, it's funny because I've noticed sometimes if you, there are times where I've watched shows and I've been like, that guy's laugh's a little distracting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. 100.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you ever done multi cam?

[Jake Johnson]

I've done a few, but I've usually played the like the kind of safe love interest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, and, and I've never. This has been the first one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

It's just like Michael Rich. It's like trip. I mean it's really fun. What? Anything for a laugh, you know, which is, and then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, have you ever done multi?

[Justin Long]

Yeah, I've done a couple guest stars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Or whatever you call a nobody. But yeah, no, I've done a couple.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do you like it?

[Justin Long]

I love it. I mean, you know, the only thing is it's like if it's not your show, there is that little bit of extra pressure of getting everything.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, yes.

[Justin Long]

Which is absolutely a little strange. But I also live performance to me is still the best version of all of it. And the multicam, I mean the multicam is kind of the dream job.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, just the schedule.

[Justin Long]

The schedule.

[Jake Johnson]

Cuz my last few experiences had been that had been like, you're just coming in, you're a, you know, you're a guest in somebody else's like workplace. You can't do two. You have to kind of like stay within the lines and, and yeah, so that, that I struggled with it. There was, there was one moment I did the show, mom, and I remember, I remember doing this. I was playing the guy who's. He's going on a date with Anna Faris. And he, but he hasn't, he hasn't kissed her yet and he hasn't like touched her. He doesn't know how to quite make a move. He's like a very, you know, non threatening guy who is just taking his time, maybe taking too much time. And there was a, there was a running gag where Allison Janney says on affairs character, you should just kind of feel what he's working with, you know, what's his stuff like? And she's like, well, how would I do that? We haven't even kissed, you know. And she's like, just kind of find an excuse to feel him, to like hug him or like, just find some reason to like. And so we were doing this scene where Anna and I are in front of a fire, we're in a cabin, and it's like potentially romantic, but I'm still not able to make a move. I got my arm around her, but I'm kind of nervous. And she starts trying to feel. She puts her legs with, with my kind of entwined with mine. And she's kind of trying to feel what I. My junk, you know, and, and, and, and I'm going, I'm just saying innocuous lines like, you know, tomorrow might be fun if we took a hike, you know, And I'm feeling her, feel me. And, and that's kind of how the scene ends. And, and Chuck Lori goes, you know, they're always doing alts, so they pitched an alt. The writer said, pitch this alt. And with the audience there, and it's Friday and it's showtime. And he goes, justin, we're gonna do another take. We have a pitch for you at the, at the end, here's a button. Say I can just show it to you if you want. And he goes, go. And I go, okay. And I go back to the scene and I'm like. And I'm trying to do the math, like, how am I gonna say this to this person? I can just show it to you. I can show you my. It's like a crazy noise, you know. And so I'm stressing about it. And I said to Anna, like, Anna, I don't know how I'm gonna do it. And she goes, I know sometimes that happens. You just have to make it work. And I went back to Chuck, I said, chuck, I don't think I can say this. I don't. I don't. I don't know how my character would ever say. I haven't even. We haven't kissed or anything. I'm just gonna say, I can show it to you. Like, that's crazy. And he goes, no, no, no, no. Just. But. But it's also like, I'm like, this is Chuck Lorre, and who am I to be saying to him? Like, he's the master of this format, and. And he's like, just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just.

[Jake Johnson]

Just say it. Just trust me. You know, whatever. So I go back out and I think, well, it's like you said, Garrett, it's not my show. I gotta just do it. I gotta just say. So I. I just. I said the line. I can just. You know, I can just show it to you if you want. Big laugh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, big laugh.

[Jake Johnson]

I look over at Chuck, Lori, and he goes, I was right. And I thought, I don't think I can do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's so.

[Jake Johnson]

There's so weird. It's weird. It was weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was.

[Jake Johnson]

There was no, like, truth to it. I don't know.

[Justin Long]

There's a lot of alt pitching that goes.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot of. A lot of alt pitching, which I like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake, we worked it. I love the process. I love kind of making every. Trying to make things work, but sometimes things to me, just. I can't make it work. I can't.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you gotta just. Yeah, do. If it's Chuck Lorre saying you do. Gotta do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's get to the episode without further.

[Jake Johnson]

That's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Justin Long]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Justin Long]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Justin Long]

Listen, there's a of things that we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard. I'll tell you one thing that really drives me crazy. That grinds my gears. When someone's got their turn signal on too long, they're just sitting there with a turn signal on. I'm always like, you idiot, you're not going right. You're not going in the right lane. You're confusing everybody. And then sometimes I'm the guy with the signal on and I'm like, well, come on everybody, have a little empathy. I made a mistake. But instead of getting angry about that stupid stuff, get an angry orchard and feel good, feel chill and refreshed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Justin Long]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Rebecca]

Oh, hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome to the show.

[Rebecca]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How you doing?

[Rebecca]

I'm good. How are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doing great today. Can we get your name, please?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, my name is Rebecca.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rebecca. And Rebecca, where are you calling from?

[Rebecca]

I'm in London, in the uk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Respect did you go to international school? Can we get your age, please?

[Rebecca]

I'm 31.

[Gareth Reynolds]

31. What part of London?

[Jake Johnson]

North?

[Rebecca]

No, south.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, right on Southy. Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Does that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that near the cathedral on 4th?

[Justin Long]

No. Come on, what's happening? I mean, your follow. Your follow up question, you. You know, was. Makes no impact on you. North or south? You don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so, Rebecca, South London 31. What is it you do for work?

[Rebecca]

I'm an actor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, have you been in anything we would know?

[Rebecca]

No. An unsuccessful actor.

[Justin Long]

Mainly voice work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, voice. Where I tell you, got a beautiful voice. Do you like the theater?

[Rebecca]

I do love the theater.

[Justin Long]

You ever do theater, Jake? You don't. You're not one of those actors who does. What have you done? Have you done anything since you've been famous?

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Justin Long]

No. Okay, that's what I thought. You've abandoned the craft, haven't you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rebecca, this is about you. Gareth is mad at me. So, Rebecca, South London 31, an actor into the theater. What can we do for you?

[Rebecca]

So my uncle has been going bald for quite a long time, but he is clinging on for dear life. And he's. I sent in a photo, but he seems to have grown out the very back part of his hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

First of all, before we see the photo, quick pause. Jesse or Natalie, don't reveal the photo for a while. We're gonna tease it a little bit just for our sake.

[Justin Long]

The. Okay, the clues so far are not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, what are we calling Uncle? If you say Jake, my feelings are gonna be hurt.

[Rebecca]

Call him John.

[Gareth Reynolds]

John. And so John started balding. And will you walk us through. Will you paint the picture to us of what he's doing to cover it?

[Rebecca]

So I think it's like close to the base of his head at the back. He's grown it long enough that he can stretch it from the back to the front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no.

[Justin Long]

Oh. So he's trying to do a back to front comb over.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Rebecca]

And it comes together in a little point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How.

[Justin Long]

How old, by the way? It's. It's so funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

60S for this look.

[Rebecca]

I think he's like 57, 58.

[Gareth Reynolds]

John, that's too young.

[Justin Long]

Boy. Yeah, I like that. We didn't do the reveal so far because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Rebecca, he. He takes the back from the. He grows it long and he pushes it all forward. So he's kind of got that like. It's almost like the Jim Carrey haircut from Dumb and Dumber in the front.

[Justin Long]

I was gonna say kind of Oasis. Ish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I was thinking Oasis too, actually, but.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, okay, but kind of unbelievably gross because also he's. I don't know what he's using to stick it down, but it makes it kind of hard looking. And it's also badly dyed, so it's just all bad.

[Justin Long]

So it's kind of a poorly dyed hair shell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this Gareth?

[Justin Long]

No, I mean, he could. I would recommend some curling cream, by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The way, if we got this guy to curl his hair, this is the funniest show ever.

[Justin Long]

Curling cream wouldn't hurt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, what is John all about? What's his story? Why is he the kind of guy who's painting his hair back? What's happening here? This is crazy. Am I wrong?

[Rebecca]

I think he's always been painting his hair.

[Justin Long]

That's a title.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what's happening?

[Rebecca]

I think he's always been really attached to his hair. There are pictures of him with me when I was a baby. And it was quite long and luscious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a cool band guy. See, Like Uncle Jesse from Full House Vibes. Does he have beauty? Did he use that beautiful, luscious hair?

[Rebecca]

Not quite. He was more of a kind of quiet hippie. Yeah. So. But his hair, I think, was his most proud feature about himself.

[Jake Johnson]

Getting older.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Such a drag.

[Justin Long]

It's the worst. There's. There are ways to, like, maintain the hippie. I agree with the ball, if anything, that that aesthetic kind of lends itself to like, whatever. It's like, who cares?

[Rebecca]

But he's grown. He's grown into quite a quiet, awkward man who runs a business. He's changed since his long hair days to the hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is he?

[Justin Long]

He runs a business, so he's got people working under him. I hate this too, because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Justin Long]

You know, the people are definitely like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a funny figure who does this is a hard authority figure.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he's got his own little business and married with kids. Where's John at? At home.

[Rebecca]

He's married. No kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. But he's married.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

That's good.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Justin Long]

Do you have any idea what his wife thinks of this?

[Rebecca]

Well, it's. That's the thing I've been most perplexed by. I don't understand because. What must it look like when he's in the shower?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Normal. Like a normal bald guy.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Rebecca]

But with really long at the back.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like next, when you say really long, paint the picture here.

[Rebecca]

Well, it must be. I mean, just. But the size of his head for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It stretched all the way. Stop.

[Justin Long]

Edging me. I got to see this guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. Not yet. If it goes from the. The top of the neck to the near eyebrows, that goes to about the. That goes to the shoulders.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When it went in the shower. He's got no hair on top and his hair is going to his shoulders. That's a spectacular image.

[Justin Long]

I'm very curious about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Rebecca]

Do we want to bring in Justin?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. So, Rebecca, you got a special guest. He wasn't supposed to be on this call, but Justin Long is here. Justin, welcome to the show. You're on with Rebecca.

[Jake Johnson]

I love this show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, will you recap a little bit to Justin where we're at, actually. Rebecca, meet Justin. Justin, meet Rebecca. She just watched the New Girl episode with Genslinger.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, hey, Rebecca.

[Rebecca]

Hey. Okay, so I have an uncle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. By the way.

[Rebecca]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, sorry.

[Justin Long]

Okay, go ahead, Rebecca.

[Rebecca]

Okay. I have an uncle who's been balding for some time and he has got to the point where he's grown out just the very back of his hair that we think is maybe when it's down, is down to his shoulders so that he can scrape it all the way forward into a little point at the front of his head and it's being glued down something.

[Justin Long]

Now we have a picture, but we've been holding off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why. That's why being bringing you in on this one, actually.

[Jake Johnson]

You guys, thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, is there anything else? So now Justin did get the image right. I know you can't see the video, Rebecca, but he did his fingers pointing.

[Justin Long]

Forward like he died.

[Jake Johnson]

Rebecca, can I ask you, how far down his forehead does the. Does it reach?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good question.

[Rebecca]

Not that far down, but he does. I think he has a pretty big hair.

[Justin Long]

He's got it all.

[Jake Johnson]

Will he be listening to the show?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, I. I hope not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I've never felt more like people were talking about me behind my back in my life. From across the world. Across the world. So now, Rebecca, when you say he dyes it, are we talking jet black? What are we talking?

[Jake Johnson]

It's gotta be.

[Rebecca]

No, it's sort of like a chestnut brown.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, I like that. I noticed Mick Jagger's doing that. Some of the old rock rock stars are doing that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're doing more brown. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Closer to gray. It's a little bit. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because that jet black thing was insane. It was also 30 years jet black on old guys heads that looked insane always.

[Jake Johnson]

And you spot it right away. Yeah. Because they're grayish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dying skin with jet black. Hair. You'd go like, what is this, my man? What's the goal here, friend?

[Jake Johnson]

Who are you fooling? Nobody's calling attention to this.

[Justin Long]

It's scary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, this. This is so youthful up here. Then you look down and the contrast is just wild.

[Justin Long]

Well, the eyebrows, Rebecca, does he do his eyebrows?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good question, guys.

[Rebecca]

No.

[Justin Long]

So that's just. It's a train wreck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a train wreck. Okay, so before we see the photo.

[Justin Long]

Oh, boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We gotta know, Rebecca, what is your question?

[Rebecca]

Well, my question is, how do I encourage him to either embrace being bald or go for something else, like a hairpiece? Anything would be better than what he's got going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you love jokes. So he's your uncle. You care about him. And so we've obviously been having a laugh at John, but let's be honest, we have a laugh at each other on this show a lot. So we're laughing at John with a.

[Jake Johnson]

Little bit of love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the real call is, you don't think it's a great look for him. By the way, Justin, he's only 58.

[Jake Johnson]

58. Okay, well, if he were to listen to the last two minutes of this podcast, maybe it would help it. Not maybe in the way you want shock therapy, but. Has anyone broached this with him? Has anyone attempted some question of intervention?

[Rebecca]

I don't think so. Like, that's. That side of the family are very awkward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Rebecca]

Very quiet. They don't. They don't bring up anything, like, meaningful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It goes on.

[Justin Long]

Well, yeah. Whatever you call it. And he is married.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It all goes under the back of the hair that's connected.

[Justin Long]

It all goes. They sweep it under the.

[Jake Johnson]

There's not even a name for it. No, the comb. There's a comb over. But what is that comb? They haven't even. That's how rare it is.

[Justin Long]

Yes, it is rare.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not been named name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so, Rebecca, before we see the photo and before we see the photo and start pitching on it, what's your instinct? Because what's hard about this one is he's your uncle. He's not your husband. He's. He is married. He does have his own business. This is a. A niece problem to an uncle, which is unique, but I understand where you're coming from. It's a wild look. You're not doing it because it's an embarrassment to you. You're not doing it because it's hard for you. You like this guy. It's not a great look, Cohen. Balding is not that big. Of a deal. So have you tried anything? Where have you been up to this point?

[Rebecca]

Well, so he lives abroad, and he only comes. We only see him maybe twice a year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where does he live?

[Rebecca]

We saw him. He lives in. In China. So that's why I'm hoping he won't hear this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All of this is shocking. Yeah, but he's also. So how do we know it's not an okay look in China?

[Justin Long]

I know it's not.

[Rebecca]

Well, I mean, he's, like, the only.

[Jake Johnson]

White man around, which means getting looks.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which means they. But all the way.

[Justin Long]

The spotlight's bigger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The people in this Chinese film might think, like, this is how they do it. Right. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

This is how white people roll.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And like, us Chinese, we're not insane. When we go bald, we go bald. But I guess English white guys, when they go bald, they do the weirdest thing. Could you imagine some Chinese kid telling his dad at home, going, like, I saw this guy work. He pushes his hair forward and the dad goes, in Chinese. No, that's how you do it in London.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, he's also saying in Chinese, don't judge him. That's a different culture. That's just how they do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're laughing at him is rude. Because the way they do it there and they've done it for. And then they see, like, the old Parliament with the wigs on there. Like, they've always done weird stuff with hair.

[Justin Long]

He's very sexy where he comes from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then they see, like, Oasis and hair. Like.

[Justin Long]

And they're like, see, this is their biggest band.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they see the teeth and they go. It's a weird culture. So, okay, so this is interesting. So that's a huge turn, Rebecca. He's in China.

[Jake Johnson]

China.

[Rebecca]

Yeah. But he's gonna be coming here in the summer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Rebecca]

And I know he still has the hair because he had a Zoom call with my mom recently, and she was like, oh, my God, he still has the hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He still has the hair. Okay. Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's your mom's brother. Sorry, Rebecca, it's your mom's brother.

[Rebecca]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Rebecca]

I'm wondering if me and mom maybe tag team, or we go for the wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the wife.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, the wife's. And the wife could be a good play to figuring out what she thinks. But either way, I mean, talking about this is just a mountain of a conversation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed. And so, Rebecca, when is he coming back in town?

[Rebecca]

Just so we know, I believe June.

[Gareth Reynolds]

June. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

You might have to just jump off the ledge. You might have to just jump Jump off the cliff and say, what's going on with the hair? I mean, we all. I mean, in a sensitive way, but you might have to just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's do this really fast. Justin, will you be Rebecca? Rebecca, will you be Uncle John?

[Jake Johnson]

Hello. Hello.

[Rebecca]

Okay, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So try to do your uncle as best you can. Justin, let's just hear what happens.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. John, hello. It's good to see you again.

[Rebecca]

Oh, hi, Rebecca. Yeah, yeah. Good to see you.

[Jake Johnson]

John, how's life been?

[Rebecca]

You know China.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, of course. John, this is maybe not my place to say, but have you ever thought about. Because a friend of mine works at a salon and they do incredible things. Now, with. With hair, have you thought about changing your look at all? Because I've noticed you've had this one for quite some time. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. Now, let's hear what John would say.

[Justin Long]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, it's heavy. It's heavy. It's heavy. Gareth, what are you thinking? Really fast.

[Justin Long]

I have pitches that the conversation is hard, cold, but this is, I think, as good as it could be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Then, Rebecca, what would you think Jon would say to that? You know him. He's your uncle.

[Jake Johnson]

Is he cheeky?

[Rebecca]

Yeah. But he's so awkward. This is a problem is he's super awkward and shy.

[Jake Johnson]

But the hair.

[Rebecca]

I think he might sort of awkwardly laugh it off, but I would be terrified that he'd then go away privately and be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, what we got to do. Rebecca, I think we need to see the photo.

[Justin Long]

It's time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's time.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't want to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because we can't get into the pitches without seeing the time. Now, we. We tried the earned.

[Jake Johnson]

It might not be that bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bad.

[Justin Long]

I think it's going to be pretty bad. Oh, it's insane. It's totally insane. Yes. Get closer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so now I'm seeing. So here's what he's doing. It's the hair from the back. It's. So the dye job is similar. It's not a bad color.

[Justin Long]

The dye job's not an issue. And this is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what he does is he pushes it from the back forward and then he really does matte it down.

[Jake Johnson]

He mats it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's as if he's wearing, like a wrestler type helmet. It looks like somebody.

[Justin Long]

Baby rat tail up front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It looks almost infantile. Like there's an infantile quality to it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It does look like little boy hair.

[Jake Johnson]

Like little boy. Like a little.

[Justin Long]

It's bad, but I don't. I will Say it looks like someone sharpied it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But I will say it's not as bad as I thought.

[Justin Long]

Oh, I think you're both wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really.

[Justin Long]

This is really. I think it's very bad. And I bet you being in person, you're like, sweet mother of God. Maybe if you look at it, it's like people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Not just the Chinese people.

[Justin Long]

There are other English people. Like, lovely head of hair we've got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Gareth, what's your pitch on this?

[Justin Long]

I. Look, it's. It's fudgeing hard. I think we can't really pitch on what the conversation with his wife should be, other than, do you like his hair? We think it might be good to change it. Get her read on it.

[Rebecca]

It.

[Justin Long]

I do have a Shock him into maybe some coherence pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Which is. Are you going to be picking him up from the airport?

[Rebecca]

I could.

[Justin Long]

I think you should.

[Jake Johnson]

So he's a captive audience, and I.

[Justin Long]

Would recommend you rent a convertible and show up in a convertible. He can't wear a hat, and his hair is not going to be able to withstand the elements, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've nailed it.

[Justin Long]

So if you so that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then what you can do is a leaf blower.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Get a windmaker. Get a big fan for the house. No, but if you pick him up at the convertible. Right. Listen, that's gonna be tough. He just came from fucking China, and now he's about to have his.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go swimming.

[Justin Long]

But. Or swimming's good, too. You could do both. You could take from the airport to the pool. But if you have the convertible, it's all going to get revealed. And then maybe later that night, you could have a. An easier conversation where you go, hey, and the convertible. Your hair was kind of blowing everywhere. Are you. You know, you could maybe grease Garrett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me pitch. Let me pitch on you.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you've actually. I was about to. Rebecca. I was about to say I don't have a pitch on it. And I was about to say, I don't think it's as bad as we think it is. Let the man live in China. But I think Gareth might have just nailed this. I think what you've got to do is a really weird mission where you either convertible him, you leaf blow his hair, you throw a bucket of water on his head, and then the second that hair reveals the baldness, you go, whoa. And he goes. And you go, whoa. You look. No, hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You look great.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he goes, believe it or not, I'm bald. What and you go, you, Uncle John. I gotta say, John, you've got the face for it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he'll go, oh, I'm insecure about it. I literally pulled it back to the front. Are you kidding me? Why cover that up? Never would I have guessed that. Then I go, I'm just telling you. I've always thought you've kind of had bad hair, because the way it looks is. It almost looks like it's been glued to your head.

[Justin Long]

Be careful with glue. Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you, bald John, you look great. You look 10 years younger. And he'll go, no. And I go, yeah.

[Justin Long]

I'm telling you, saying he looks young. Good.

[Jake Johnson]

I get why nature did that to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Honestly, nature chose you, John.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You look good like this.

[Jake Johnson]

What about you? A lead into that, Jake, is to start. Is to bring up, like, sexy bald.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guys, like, Bruce Willis on your wall. At home. At home, just have, like, handsome bald guys around.

[Justin Long]

Well, we've got to be careful, because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S her uncle set the stage.

[Justin Long]

We don't want it to be like, I'm trying to make my uncle attractive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's true.

[Justin Long]

My zone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, let me. This guy reminds me of some relatives I know. So I'm worried for Rebecca about, like, permanently, like, irreparably upsetting him.

[Justin Long]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Because it could. It could go there. And you don't want that. Is it worth that? That and if his wife. I'm trying to think how my wife think. Who's the kindest person I know. If his wife likes it and she doesn't have an issue with it, and he seems to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't pull the threads, Justin.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but, like, do you just let it go? Do you just. How offensive?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

This doesn't look that offensive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so here's where we're at, Rebecca. And then we're gonna go to you. We've got a. Don't pull the threads. Let it go.

[Jake Johnson]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got the mess with his hair. Convertible, bucket of water. Anything you can do. We've got the. Have images of bald guys around. Maybe. I've got another pitch. I got a pitch for you, Rebecca. You have a boyfriend?

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is he bald?

[Rebecca]

No, unfortunately.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about this? How about this is. Does John know your boyfriend?

[Rebecca]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Damn it. I was gonna say hire an actor who's bald with long in the back.

[Justin Long]

Convertible is cheaper than hiring a fake boyfriend.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a secondary pitch to Gareth. You could do the fake bee or insect by his head and. Oh, oh, oh. Hey, John. John. And just start Swatting at it.

[Justin Long]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

And kind of mess up his hair as you're doing it.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Like you're doing him a favor and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then going is, wait a second. Are you bald?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

I think the bug ate your hair.

[Jake Johnson]

And that's a lead into yours, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Whoa. Look, John, can I see something for a second? This is insane.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Can I see something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, you got to remember, he.

[Justin Long]

Wants to be free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

He wants to be free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're totally right. So, Rebecca, where are you at?

[Jake Johnson]

It's a kindness.

[Justin Long]

Yes.

[Rebecca]

I kind of like the idea of a combination of. Because I was. When you were saying about the hair blowing thing, the one thing I could easily do is you can take, like, a little boat up the Thames. Like. Like, really, it's just a cat like, thing that everyone does for some reason. And it is very windy on there. And then there could also be a B in case it's too glued down and the wind doesn't do anything. Then it could be a B. Back up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. But you know what? You could do plan B. Rebecca. Rebecca, would you actually do. Would you walk us through how you would do the bee backup on the boat here?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll be. I'll be. John.

[Justin Long]

Great. He's doing the hair. Just so you know, Rebecca.

[Rebecca]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Lovely. It's quite windy out here.

[Rebecca]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. John, there's a beach. Hang on, hang on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Rebecca]

Don't move, don't move, don't move.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jamaica, don't move.

[Rebecca]

Don't move. I've got it. I've got it. It's gone. It's gone. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? It's gone under your hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, hold on. Rebecca, do that turn for me for a second again. I think there was something really good there. I agree. So here's what. Here's what I actually. I really believe in my heart of heart. And now any way you can mess with his hair, but then shower this insecure king with compliments.

[Justin Long]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And let him know this madness that you are doing is over.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are painting that It's. It's time to be free. And the only way a insecure king like this can go free is if a queen allows him out of his nightmarish castle.

[Jake Johnson]

His dungeon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His dungeon.

[Justin Long]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So can we, Rebecca.

[Justin Long]

He's the man in the iron hair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we pretend you just messed with Justin's hair and then shower him with real compliments to see if maybe this could turn it.

[Rebecca]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you Doing okay, I've got it.

[Rebecca]

Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, no. Oh, no, look, you're. You. Actually, I didn't realize you were bald under there, but. No, John, it looks really good. It looks genuinely. You suit it. Your hair. You have the perfect head shape for this bollocks.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you talking about?

[Rebecca]

No, really, I'm being. Being fully honest. I've never seen you look more youthful than just then.

[Jake Johnson]

You're teasing me, aren't you?

[Rebecca]

No, I'm really not. I promise.

[Jake Johnson]

You're having a go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love this movie. Keep going, please.

[Jake Johnson]

What? Well, I've always been quite, I don't know, embarrassed by it. I. I don't want to go bald. No one wants to go bald. And so I've just been combing it down like this.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, no, I never really realized that that's what you were doing, that I see you without it. I think this is the way to go. It's like, it suits you. You seem more confident even. You know, I think, what a performance.

[Justin Long]

It's a great performance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Rebecca, you too. Yeah, this is. This became a little one act that I would spend real money, I'd wear a scarf and I would go, I love the theater.

[Justin Long]

I. I really think, think. I really think this can work. And I think. I think what you should do is however you create this moment, it's. It's just you and him. If you could peel it off just so it's you and him. So you kind of create a small version of this. But I do think the way you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Saying that is so good.

[Justin Long]

I think it'll help them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I'll tell you what I would do if I were him. And I think Justin's performance was right. And Rebecca, I think yours was right, too. I think he's gonna. I think he's a little bit embarrassed by this, and I think he's looking for a way out. And the way out is real compliments. And guess what? When he stops painting it forward and then he washes it and he looks in the mirror and he realizes it's really long in the back and he trims it, he's gonna look just fine.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rebecca, is there an adhesive?

[Jake Johnson]

Is. Does he matte it down with anything?

[Rebecca]

I'm sure there has to be something in there. I don't know what it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Rebecca, are you actually going to do this?

[Rebecca]

I am because I'm concerned about him.

[Justin Long]

What are you going to do? Are you going to go 10? Are you going to do it right.

[Rebecca]

I'm going to invite him. I'm going to invite him out on Thames on a nice day. You know, it gets hot in the summer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Rebecca]

And I'll be like, let's go up the Thames.

[Justin Long]

Why don't.

[Rebecca]

And then the be thing.

[Justin Long]

Get your mother to do something with his wife that day, too, so that it's very clear that you're splintering off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Off.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you don't just find you don't want the mother and his wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not totally with Gareth. And that it has to be weird, one on one.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm worried that it might transition into a weird territory. Maybe complimenting his looks.

[Justin Long]

Well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, and then pretend there's a bee on his head taking him on the river where he's like, what the Is going on here?

[Justin Long]

No, I just think the more. Yeah, I mean, I. I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't want him embarrassed.

[Justin Long]

I. I just. I would worry that, like, I think he's probably never heard this before. She then later could say, I think John should just shave his head. You know, like, I saw him earlier. He's got a perfect head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So.

[Jake Johnson]

But there's safety in numbers, too. And. And if there was a kind of more of a tidal wave of female opinions coming at it, I would suggest.

[Justin Long]

Then you maybe want to let. I don't know if you want to let the wife know, but. But, you know, you can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't. You can't do it behind his back. This has to be just you, Rebecca.

[Justin Long]

No, his hair is behind his back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you do this and follow up with us, please?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a big one.

[Justin Long]

I can't wait.

[Jake Johnson]

Rebecca, this is. I, I. And it's sweet of you to be concerned about this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But here. Here's the. Here's the dream. Follow up a photo of him with his new look.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Flashing a smile and not afraid to show his face.

[Justin Long]

We're hoping he leaves his wife after this. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not. That isn't the.

[Justin Long]

Well, I'm just trying to. Will he leave his wife?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the goal post. You take an eye. Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

That'd be so tragic if she. She's put up with his weird hair for all these years, and all of a sudden he gets a new look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Confidence, and leaves her.

[Justin Long]

Sorry, darling.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry, darling. I'm learned. I'm a sex symbol and I've got to get out there.

[Justin Long]

He gets a job at, like, a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chinese TV show, and then his wife calls into the show. I used to make my Husband do this terrible look, but I kept him that way. Now he's banging everyone. All right, Rebecca, follow up with us, please. We're getting off.

[Rebecca]

All right, cool.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you so much, Rebecca.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Squarespace.

[Justin Long]

We love Squarespace. We just solved a problem yesterday with Squarespace. We use it all the time on the show. You've heard it over and over again. No product is more included in the we're here to help help problem solving universe than Squarespace because it makes you look legit. I use it for my own website. That is what my website is. It is just easy. It's user friendly, it looks professional. It's got it all, baby. They offer tons of services that'll help get you paid consultations of events and experiences. It showcases your offerings with customizable website design to attract clients and grow your business. Business cutting edge design, SEO tools, which I'm big into. But you can get your Squarespace domains. They've got donations, videos. It's merch. You could do it all. It's just a great place to start your business, to build your business. Cannot recommend it enough. Like I've said, like we say, we use it all the time on the show for good reason.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code. Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Justin Long]

And we are brought to you by Kachava.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I am a fan of Kachava. I drink it a lot. It's got 25 grams of a hundred percent plant based protein. It's got chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai. I like the chocolate. I also like the vanilla. Those are my two things. I am drinking it on a daily basis. You don't have to be a vegan to love it. But I don't mess with dairy, so that's why I like it.

[Justin Long]

Honestly, I am in love with kachava. I started to take cachava on the road with me. It is a protein powder. It makes you feel energized, focused, calm, satiated for hours. I try to do healthy protein powders. I have for a long time. I just was over the moon when I tried cachava because I was like, oh my lord, this is delicious and it's good for you. It's filled with all the ingredients that you would want in a protein. Goji berries, chia seeds. These are things you keep hearing about. And you're like, how do I incorporate these? You don't need to worry about it anymore because Kachava is doing it for you. It's vegan. It's a plant protein. There's 26 vitamins and minerals, 6 grams of fiber, 85 plus superfoods, maybe 86. I don't know, they won't tell me. But it's 85 plus nutrients, plant based ingredients. I just mix it with a little bit of peanut butter and some veggies in a smoothie and it elevates it. I used to add fruit to my smoothies. I don't do that anymore because Kachava is that good. So fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15 off your next order. That's Kachava. K A C-H-A-V A.com code here to help for 15 off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, can we get your name, please?

[Rebecca]

Not here yet. I was waiting for you guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, sorry, Natalie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, your fault, Natalie.

[Justin Long]

Highly inappropriate. You prank and jake now. Natalie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Natalie.

[Justin Long]

Don't screw with the boss, Natalie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks for calling me the boss.

[Rebecca]

You're welcome. 1.

[Justin Long]

Are we really doing a countdown? Into the car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Natalie.

[Rebecca]

Action.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? This might be the day we gotta give Natalie a nickname name.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. Yes.

[Rebecca]

Yes, your caller is here. This is not to give me a nickname.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, caller. Really fast. What could we call Natalie?

[Justin Long]

She's been wild and giggly today.

[Rebecca]

N. Oh, God. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, really fast. You're on the spot.

[Rebecca]

I don't know. I'm. I'm. Yeah, you guys are really throwing me in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're in the fire. Nat.

[Jake Johnson]

Nat.

[Rebecca]

The first thing that came to my mind was NAT attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nat attack is you killed it and got attacked.

[Justin Long]

She has been attacking today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. By the way, I think NAT attack. The phone call with the long pause was a NAT attack.

[Justin Long]

That was a attack. The countdown. Three, three, two, one. Action podcast. Not attack, not attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, can we get your. Can we get your name when that's attack?

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, my name. Yes, my name is Kate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate. And where are you calling from, Kate?

[Rebecca]

I'm calling from Ontario, Canada.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ah, Canada. And how old are you, Kate? I'm 27 and I think you've just created a nickname that's going to stick for us for a while, so we appreciate you. Justin Long is on call with us. Who? You know, we know he's a friend of the show. God damn it. He's Genslinger in my eyes and he's A very good pickleball player.

[Jake Johnson]

As are you, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you play, Kate? Are you a fan?

[Rebecca]

I dabble with some pickleball, I think here and there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Dink here and there. So Justin and I played with some ladies, and they were talking a lot of trash to us, and they were older, and it was hilarious. The one lady was very good. She was older, and she was not nice about women.

[Jake Johnson]

Kate, she was slamming it at Jake. She was really agro. They're in their 70s.

[Justin Long]

Knowing Jake, I'm sure he was fine about all that and didn't think about it on the drive home.

[Jake Johnson]

He was so fun. They liked him. He charmed them. By the end, he got a smile out of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was getting. I was getting needed. Kate Canada, 27, created NAT attack. We appreciate you. What can we do for you today?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, so I have a question for you guys. I. I work as a therapist, and I practice sex therapy as part of my business. Wow, great. Yeah. So about a year ago, I subscribed for this program that sends free samples and, like, little testers of products for healthcare professionals so we can give them out to our patients, that kind of thing. So I had this one company send me a box with a couple of bottles of this really nice lube and a bunch of little samples to give out. And for the next year, every couple of months, they'd send me another box and another box. And I just kept getting these endless amounts of lube for about a year until I finally figured out how to cancel my subscription.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you got. You got a new boyfriend. And he asked what was up. He's like, you have so much lube.

[Rebecca]

So much lube. And, like, as I'm saying this out loud, I realize this is kind of an awesome problem to be having, but at this point, it's gotten. It's gotten a little excessive. Like, I've gifted so much lube to my friend. I'm like the Oprah Winfrey of lube. I have lube all in my closet. It's like, too much lube at this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Point, by the way.

[Justin Long]

Jake, do you just want to give her your address so we can get off the call?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, I'm happy to mail it. I need.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is ridiculous, this joke. I'll pay for shipping. I'll pay for shipping. This is a joke. This is. I'll take literally all of it. I like to do jiu jitsu with.

[Jake Johnson]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I wrestle. When I wrestle my dummy. I like to cover us both with Lou. So, okay, the question you got Too much lube.

[Rebecca]

I have too much lube. I have way too much lube.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so you were giving it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To your patients and friends. She was just like, friends going out to dinner and being like, hey, you want some lube?

[Jake Johnson]

Stocking stuffers.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. Tipping the waiter with lube.

[Rebecca]

Literally anybody, like, anybody that wanted it. I had it as, like, house favors when people would come over. I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

Valets.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. So keeping up front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is the. I get the setup. What is the question?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, so the question is, I want to find a way to creatively use all of this lube or just get rid of it. I'm not really sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth's hair. Gareth needs it all.

[Justin Long]

Let me ask you this. Does it dry? Does it get matty?

[Rebecca]

No.

[Justin Long]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to send it to China? Yeah.

[Justin Long]

We got a client.

[Jake Johnson]

We got a guy who could use it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Kate. So the question is, is what the hell do you do with all this lube?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, in a nutshell.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Jake, I wonder if you and Gareth want to give it out as, you know, for your show, to promote the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's interesting.

[Justin Long]

Not a bad idea at all to callers.

[Jake Johnson]

You could put it in.

[Justin Long]

We're here.

[Rebecca]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're here to grease, like a.

[Jake Johnson]

Grease the wheels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so that's an option. We. The. This call is just simple.

[Justin Long]

We just get all the l. Well, we could also. I mean, just off of that, we could. We could stop. Come on, be a lube uncle. Quit being weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The new problem is, is I have a bunch of lube in my hand.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, that's what we're trying to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of my daughters goes like, hey, dad, why do you have so much of this weird stuff? And I go like, well, a few years ago, I was doing this podcast.

[Justin Long]

We could try to give it away. We could find someone in our listening audience who wants all this lube.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Justin Long]

I mean, surely there's someone so needs that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There is one. Okay, two quick things, but I don't think we go this direction. Okay, but in terms of that, Justin, we've. We are in the middle of another prank thing that we're doing to our friend Steve Berg.

[Justin Long]

Jesus Christ. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

So send it to him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the other idea is he gets a box with all the lube.

[Justin Long]

It's great. We had these. We had this teacher in Switzerland send. It's a long story. She was originally going to send a taxidermied rat. The rat decomposed, but still, to salvage the prank, we had her send a bunch of Swiss chalk chocolate. And the kids in her class drew pictures of Steve and put them in the box. And we just sent it with no heads up. So he doesn't know it actually is arriving literally today. So we have. We're priming in that direction. We could keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kate, question. How much lube is too much lube?

[Rebecca]

That's a great question. Well, a lot of it's in like these little one time use packets. So. Okay, I don't know, like, if I were to pour them all out, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not pour. You're definitely not opening in a box. Don't waste the loop.

[Rebecca]

A lot of the little packets. Probably like a couple hundred little packets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so the. So it's little packets. It's like the one time use little packets. And so it's really just one big box.

[Rebecca]

Yeah, it's a couple of boxes. I've also got bottles too. So it's the packets and the bottles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So how many boxes. I'm trying to get a visual here. How many different boxes of lube do you have? Not the little packets.

[Rebecca]

Four at this point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Four. And each one has what, about a thousand little packets?

[Rebecca]

Probably about that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're talking about 4, 000 little packets of lube.

[Rebecca]

Yeah. Give or take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at us figuring that out pretty fast. How do you.

[Jake Johnson]

So you give them to you. You had been giving them to your clients, your. Your patients?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, I've been giving them to just about anybody. I. I got to the point where like Halloween rolled around and I was going to put it outside in a bowl because I was like, not a.

[Justin Long]

Trick or treat anybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, Not a great idea. What are you talking. By the way, I hate the idea. You're totally right. I made a mistake. I thought Halloween was for adults.

[Justin Long]

Big mistake.

[Jake Johnson]

All of a sudden you thought, what are you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right.

[Justin Long]

Jake's going door to door. Cool cigarettes, lubes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm like, Skittles, knuckles, charles and chew. 4, 000 little packets of lube. If one of my kids, I would go to the person's house and kill them.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would go to. What'd you get? I got a full size sneakers. And then that guy down the street gave me like eight packets of lubricant. I would go like, I'm gonna go murder this person.

[Rebecca]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kate, have you ever considered having a little party with your friends and the theme of the party is lube?

[Rebecca]

I'm so glad you mentioned that. That actually was one of my ideas. And I thought about like a lube flipping spy, but I thought that might be a little bit like too far.

[Justin Long]

No, I mean, it depends what you like to do, but that is definitely a way to get rid of all of the lubricants. Lube.

[Rebecca]

It's an option. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean you could do like a little pool wrestling.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, you could do a little pool for wrestling. I mean, it, it, it depends how weird you want your backyard to get. There is also the option of sending it to Berg.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

So, so are you. Are you plan just to follow up on the Berg thing? Are you planning on. Is he going to call? Is he going to. How are you going to get this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On really, really quick? But now, unfortunately, this is becoming another burglar one.

[Justin Long]

I mean it just look. And we can't, we can't lean into it too much. But this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed. Okay. So follow up. So this might be. Hey, Nat Attack.

[Rebecca]

I. I don't accept this nickname.

[Justin Long]

Oh, that's classic Nat Attack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's such a. Nat Attack. The Nat Attack.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Nat Attack, what is your gut feeling? Should we push with the Steve thing here or should this be a Justin only episod?

[Rebecca]

Yes. I would like for. I would like for her to send it to Steve and I love that she's in Canada. It's just all these international.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Okay, so then let's do this. Kate, are you willing. If we get you the address and we pay for shipping, please send all this. Will you send all the lube to Steve or do you want another pitch?

[Rebecca]

I mean, I can send it all to him. I can wrap it up really nice. I can make it super weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm ready for it. Then can we write a letter in there from Canada that's about you being. Because he's got a podcast called High Strangeness that we have to make a mystery of how you found him and that you're sending him all this lube?

[Rebecca]

Hey, I like it.

[Justin Long]

I, I would.

[Rebecca]

Is this like an ominous vibe? Are we trying to get him to feel like this lube is.

[Justin Long]

We like him first? Yeah, we like him confused. I would say if he wanted to do something along the lines of like, hey, heard your podcast. I think this will solve your problem with Bigfoot Winky or something like that. Because his podcast is all about like Bigfoot and UFOs. Just. Just really. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So that's. Yeah. But you're trying to help him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Like with the loop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate, really fast to you.

[Rebecca]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've. You've heard the show Right. You remember Steve? He's the guy who burned the rotisserie chicken.

[Justin Long]

Yeah. During a call. He was giving someone advice, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ste, what do you think the letter should be?

[Rebecca]

Ooh, that's a good question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You created an ad attacker.

[Rebecca]

I want him to be suspicious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, love that.

[Rebecca]

I want him to be like, who the fuck is sending me this much lube? You know, I want him to be a little scared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So do this for a second. Will you Just start dictating what you want this letter to be, Kate. Go ahead, Justin.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I have a pitch? What if it's. It's. What if it's something. You construct a scenario where he has inadvertently or somebody has signed him up for like the lube of the month club. And so you do this. It's. It's a long term bid. I mean, it's. It's got to be like a patient long term. So every month or every couple of weeks, you know, you send them more of the lube. You don't do it all at once.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that. In terms of the long term thing, what I really want to do is get to the ending, though, which we might not get to for a while.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I kind of. I want to. I want him to react to all this because he's funny.

[Justin Long]

His reaction to Justin's pitch, the frustration he's going to go through trying to figure out how to stop lube getting to his house.

[Jake Johnson]

He'll talk about it on the podcast probably. I can get more of this lube and that'll be funny to just play. You could play those clips on your show or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, guys, no, it's.

[Justin Long]

We could make it seem like. Hold on. We could make it seem like a sponsor of his show that he's not agreed to.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Justin Long]

And just be like, put the ad read in. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm proud to be sponsored like a new sponsor of your show, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a great idea, actually. But why don't. Let's not do the month to month. And here's why. It's. Even though it's the right idea, Justin, just to pitch on this. So somehow to tie this back to the premise of our show, we are here to help Kate get rid of the link. Lube.

[Justin Long]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kate, are you interested in this idea or should we go back? You are the caller. We're getting obsessed with Steve. It's very clear.

[Jake Johnson]

We've.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth and I have been obsessed with this guy for 20 years. There's nothing new for us.

[Justin Long]

Just to defend us very Quickly. Jake, Steven, this position in this role is the best version.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. And so it will come back to our show. We are going to do an episode where it all comes out. Kate, is that something you're interested 100 in doing with getting rid of your lube? You called in because you have too much lube. We have a way to get rid of the lube. Or would you like to hear pitches of a lube themed party? Of a wrestling match? Very much old school in the back in that basement there with blue. We could do a slip and slide. We could do other fun ways to get rid of it. Where are you at? Kate, creator of Nat Attack. Nat Attack. That's going to stick forever. She loves it. Kate, the floor is your yours.

[Rebecca]

Okay. I. I do like the idea of sending it to Steve. I'm. I'm curious about the lube party because I feel like you guys had some stuff on deck there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Rebecca]

But. But you got me like 90% sold on the first one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lube party I would do pretty easily. I would invite everybody in your world over to your house. I'd host a party. And one of the things, everything is lubed themed. Everybody has to have slicked back hair. You have a little fan at the beginning where you put lube in it. So when people come in, you lube their face a little bit. So everybody's glist. The music is very like, you know, it feels like the 1980s. That is like that. Like you're in like a light blue vibe. There's neon light.

[Jake Johnson]

Volcano lamp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like you're in a volcano lamp. Lava lamp. That's exactly right. And then when people leave, they have to leave with a jar of lube or 10 packets of lube. And all night you're also doing games to give away lube. So, like, first person on the dance floor gets 50 packets of lube.

[Justin Long]

I think what you could do is you could theme the party. And again, this pains me to pitch in a direction. I'm trying. What you could do is this event. The idea of this event is you have all this lube and you want to have no lube by the end of the day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Justin Long]

And so you can have like a contest of creativity over who can be the most creative with some.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have an auctioneer. People could like, do things for lube. Like, I'm selling 50 new thing, 50 new back of the lube, 52 back. The first person who eats nine pixels. Pickles. First person eats nine pickles gets 52 back at the loop.

[Justin Long]

I Don't know how much we want to populate the lube party with pickles because there probably will be alcohol. It's a slivery slope.

[Jake Johnson]

It's what's already lubed up for a sexual party.

[Justin Long]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

What about a twister? A lubed up twister.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fun.

[Justin Long]

I lubed up twister. You could even if you wanted, on the slip and slide, you could do a lube luge and you could get like a little slide in Canada. I believe you all have to. There's a government mandated slide sled. You could put the sled on the slip and slide and do the lube lose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what you could also do? You could lube up all your holes and each other. Easy.

[Justin Long]

Jesus Christ. What just happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's right there because the lube, it just goes in every hole. We forgot about that, Kate. Use it for sex.

[Justin Long]

Jesus Christ.

[Rebecca]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

It's right there. How did we forget about that?

[Rebecca]

Everything before that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we forgot about that, Kate.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, I'm looking online here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every.

[Jake Johnson]

Every nook and cranny in your house.

[Justin Long]

Use it for sex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just literally.

[Justin Long]

L l, I have a more.

[Jake Johnson]

I have a more innocent pitch for a game on the slip and slide where you do ra. You put on diapers, you put on adult diapers, and you do racist, innocent. Yeah, well, it's the diapers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thought you meant in a different way.

[Jake Johnson]

A different way. You put on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They go back to being babies.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You go, it's a baby. It's a. It's like a baby. You're. You're like a baby. You put padding in your diaper and you. And you have to have race pieces on the lubed up slip and slide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fun.

[Jake Johnson]

That might be fun.

[Justin Long]

So fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kate, we have a couple of options. What would you like to do?

[Rebecca]

Okay, I'm kind of. Don't hate me for this. I'm kind of loving the idea of the loop party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. We're doing a loop party now. Wait.

[Justin Long]

Okay, we have switched. May I pitch?

[Gareth Reynolds]

One box goes to Steve.

[Justin Long]

One box goes to Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Rebecca]

That's a deal I'm willing to make.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And then can I also ask for, for some context, content that you film the lube party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

As long as it's not sexual.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, yeah. And then send us all one of the lubes to watch the lube party.

[Rebecca]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just gonna do it here, Gareth. I'll just touch his hair before I'll have another loop buddy.

[Justin Long]

It's all. It's Gonna do is curl your member. Stop. Sound crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My dick turns into a curly fry.

[Justin Long]

It's a pigtail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sadly, it already is.

[Justin Long]

Oh my God, I feel sick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gross. So, Kate, tell us what you're gonna do at this party.

[Rebecca]

Oh, I like the idea of everybody being greased up. I think it's hilarious. Like just the wrestling in the kiddie pool. I like the Lou blues. I feel like that could be dangerous but like super fun at the same time.

[Justin Long]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You mentioned how much you love the baby races, Kate.

[Rebecca]

I do love the baby races.

[Justin Long]

Okay.

[Rebecca]

The diapers are a nice touch.

[Justin Long]

You didn't bring it up out of nowhere just for the.

[Rebecca]

I wasn't prompted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kate, are you actually going to have this party?

[Rebecca]

I will. I will have the party. I feel like the harder part will getting will be getting my friends on board. But I think I can swing it.

[Justin Long]

And I think it'll work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me too. Will you follow up with us then about everything that happened with the party? Maybe send some photos if you can and then we'll have you on and we'll hear about the party.

[Rebecca]

Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we will. Yeah, go ahead.

[Justin Long]

We're going to give you Berg's address put in there. I think the. I think the strongest version is. Hey, heard the podcast. We're excited to be on board. Just talk about it in your regular day life. That's what we want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, Gareth, no.

[Justin Long]

Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Justin Long]

What do you want it to say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wanted to st. I like that, Peter.

[Justin Long]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't. We cannot let Steve get ahead of this. Okay, so I, I like. But it's f. I, I like where you're going, but where I would go more is, Kate, I would write something a little cryptic and a little bit spooky.

[Rebecca]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I would like you to do it and not tell us what's in the letter.

[Justin Long]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would like you to. Before you send it, just send us a photo of the letter you wrote and the package that's going to out and that's it. And we will be surprised where he is.

[Jake Johnson]

Kind of like less is more. Right? Like something like. And not this, but something like been listening to your show for a long time and I'm pretty sure this is going to help you a lot or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take away. I've been listening to your show for a long time and just. I'm pretty sure this is going to help you a lot.

[Justin Long]

Yeah, it's great. And I will say, I will say I was nervous you couldn't send Lube from Canada to America. You can, so.

[Rebecca]

Oh, thank God.

[Justin Long]

If anyone out there is saying, yeah. So everyone calm down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Kate, will you follow up with us? We will get you. You know, we'll do. We'll. We will figure all this out. We'll pay for the ship and we'll do all this. We just did that before. We sent merch instead because that's what they wanted. So you'll have a goddamn option. Kate.

[Jake Johnson]

Kate. This has nothing to do with lube, so you might not be interested. Interested in it, but would you like to see my pets all kind of like sleeping near me?

[Rebecca]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so here we go. We got. There's. Look at that one. It's rue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Now, there is something I need to tell you. Justin's beauty. Yeah, she doesn't have a video component. Thank you so much for the call.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, Kate.

[Rebecca]

Thank you, guys.

[Kate]

Hello, my name is Victoria. I am roughly 28 years old and 11 months. Roughly. And I just started listening in from Dallas, Texas about three weeks ago. One of my best friends sent over an episode with Justin Long because she knows I am a big fan of the gens, you know, blast from the past. How is that ass? And I just feel like I am wanting of your friends. I am here for the conversation, Honestly. Sometimes I chime in out loud while I'm at work and listening to the podcast just because, you know, we're. We're trying to solve problems here. I think the Justin Long episode was such a good introductory episode for anyone that's wanting to get involved because the way Justin gets involved in yalls conversations, it seems natural. So for me, as a listener, it was a lot easier to just kind of get eased into it. What I am disappointed in is as soon as I started listening, Piggly and Mo were killed off before I even got to meet them. So every time y' all mention Piggly and Mo, y' all say, no, they're dead. So maybe an immemorium episode where you do a flashback just so I could get acquainted, understand the world a little bit more.

[Justin Long]

Just.

[Kate]

Yeah, I just need a quick little.

[Rebecca]

Little taste.

[Kate]

And that way the people who are not fans. Fans don't have to listen. But then. I don't know. I don't know.

[Rebecca]

Take.

[Kate]

Take it where you need to take it. I'm a big fan, guys. Love you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help. You can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Justin Long]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Rebecca]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hey there.

[Justin Long]

We're Heredos. That's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth just reminding you if you have not checked out my new podcast Podcast Next we have also a Headgun production. Please do that. It is a show that just has a lot of good quick hitting segments that are funny. The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time Magazine's Podcast of the Year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But you know, listen, we're here to helps the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next we have Please give it a listen and if you like it, you know, do all that stuff you got to do with podcasts. Appreciate it.