We're Here to Help – Episode 188: Digging Up Orville & Quiznos Bag
Release Date: July 14, 2025
In Episode 188 of "We're Here to Help," hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two intriguing and unconventional dilemmas brought forth by their callers. Known for their humorous and heartfelt advice, Jake and Gareth navigate through unusual situations with their characteristic wit and genuine intent to assist.
Caller 1: Olivia from Ohio – The Gravestone Conundrum
Timestamp: 00:46 – 41:48
Olivia's Dilemma: Olivia, a 27-year-old from Ohio, reaches out with a unique predicament involving her fiancé, Nick. After moving into a large barn, they discovered an old gravestone from the 1800s, likely belonging to Orville Curtis, who died in the Civil War. While Olivia finds the gravestone fascinating, Nick is obsessed with bringing it inside their home and even digging up the grave. Additionally, Olivia battles with Nick’s introduction of a creepy clown doll into their living space.
Key Discussions & Insights:
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Preservation vs. Intrusion:
- Olivia expresses her concern: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
- Gareth shares his own experience with a Brazilian wax, drawing parallels to Olivia's discomfort and highlighting the importance of personal boundaries.
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Creative Solutions:
- Shrine Creation: Jake proposes preserving the gravestone outside by building a small shrine with chairs and a coffee table, allowing Nick to honor Orville without intruding into their living space. "Put a couple of chairs and a coffee table there. And you sit with Orville and have your morning coffee." (30:05)
- Compromise: Olivia and Nick agree to keep the gravestone outdoors, ensuring it remains a respectful memorial while preventing it from becoming a household fixture.
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Humorous Interlude:
- The introduction of Nick into the call leads to lighthearted banter about burying Orville and the absurdity of the situation, providing comic relief while addressing the core issue.
Notable Quotes:
- Olivia: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
- Jake: "You don't have to do it. This is what a relationship's about, Gareth. They each make a compromise." (37:55)
- Olivia: "I am happy with this deal because we also get to put a cute little coffee table by it. And everything will stay in the grave." (41:00)
Caller 2: Gracie from Oregon – The Wildland Firefighter's Bathroom Woes
Timestamp: 45:51 – 63:00
Gracie's Dilemma: Gracie, a 21-year-old wildland firefighter from Oregon, faces a common yet awkward challenge: the absence of porta potties during extended firefighting assignments. This leaves her struggling with the privacy of defecating in the wilderness without exposing herself to coworkers.
Key Discussions & Insights:
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Psychological Barriers:
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Practical Solutions:
- Distraction Technique: Jake suggests singing the Alphabet song to divert her focus during the act: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you squat down and you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
- Portable Privacy: Olivia introduces the idea of a pop-up privacy tent: "It's a pop-up privacy tent... it's a great solution." (57:46)
- Exposure Therapy: Gareth recommends gradual exposure by practicing in uncomfortable settings, such as using porta potties regularly to build tolerance.
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Product Recommendation:
- The hosts endorse a practical product, a pop-up privacy tent available at Walmart for $25, providing Gracie with immediate steps to enhance her privacy while addressing her concerns.
Notable Quotes:
- Gareth: "You have a wildly crazy job... but you're not brave enough to squat down and let waste leave your body." (47:40)
- Jake: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
- Olivia: "It's a pop-up privacy tent... this is what I was suggesting." (57:46)
Caller 3: Tori from Alabama – The Santa Claus Mix-Up
Timestamp: 63:00 – 75:05
Tori's Dilemma: Tori, a mother from Alabama, contacts the show as a follow-up to a previous episode where her son mistook their yard gardener, Santos, for Santa Claus. Now, with the arrival of her younger daughter, Sunny, Santa revels in the household, reigniting the confusion.
Key Discussions & Insights:
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Sibling Influence:
- Tori explains how her older son has begun deferring the Santa belief onto his younger sister, creating a tangled web of Santa identities within the family.
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Clarifying Roles:
- Recorded Conversations: Jake advises involving the older son to explain the difference between Santos and Santa, suggesting recording the conversation for clarity: "Sit both kids down and record it... Santos is not Santa." (67:17)
- Professional Impersonation: Gareth proposes hiring a professional Santa to demonstrate the distinction in a controlled setting: "Hire a Santa and have Santos come inside and hang out for 20 minutes." (71:48)
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Humorous Debate:
- A lively discussion ensues about the true nature of Santa, with Jake referencing "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and debating whether Santa is an elf or a jolly old man, adding comedic tension while seeking a resolution.
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Mutual Understanding:
- The conversation culminates in a mutual agreement to proceed with the suggested solutions, ensuring both the magical essence of Santa and Santos's role are respected without causing further confusion.
Notable Quotes:
- Jake: "Record the whole thing because you tell him, obviously, Santos is not Santa." (67:17)
- Gareth: "Hire a Santa and have Santos come inside and hang out for 20 minutes." (71:48)
- Olivia: "I think it's going to, I think it'll be a younger sibling thing." (74:07)
Conclusion: Harmonious Resolutions Through Humor and Understanding
Throughout this episode, Jake and Gareth demonstrate their unique ability to blend humor with practical advice, fostering an environment where callers feel supported and understood. Whether it's navigating the complexities of preserving historical artifacts in a home or addressing personal discomforts in demanding professions, the hosts offer creative and empathetic solutions. Their interactions with Olivia, Gracie, and Tori underscore the importance of communication, compromise, and innovative thinking in resolving life's quirky challenges.
Final Thoughts: As Olivia concludes her call satisfied with the proposed solutions, Gracie feels empowered to tackle her field bathroom challenges, and Tori gains a clear path to resolving her children's Santa Claus confusion, "We're Here to Help" once again proves to be a valuable resource for listeners seeking advice with a humorous twist.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
- Olivia: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
- Jake: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you squat down and you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
- Tori: "We need to hire Santos? Like, when we move to this new house, we're going to be kind of. It'll be a little bit of a drive." (67:07)
Disclaimer: All advice provided on "We're Here to Help" is intended for entertainment purposes only. Listeners should consider their own circumstances and consult professionals when necessary.
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