188: Digging Up Orville & Quiznos Bag

Summary

We're Here to Help – Episode 188: Digging Up Orville & Quiznos Bag

Release Date: July 14, 2025

In Episode 188 of "We're Here to Help," hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds tackle two intriguing and unconventional dilemmas brought forth by their callers. Known for their humorous and heartfelt advice, Jake and Gareth navigate through unusual situations with their characteristic wit and genuine intent to assist.

---

Caller 1: Olivia from Ohio – The Gravestone Conundrum

Timestamp: 00:46 – 41:48

Olivia's Dilemma: Olivia, a 27-year-old from Ohio, reaches out with a unique predicament involving her fiancé, Nick. After moving into a large barn, they discovered an old gravestone from the 1800s, likely belonging to Orville Curtis, who died in the Civil War. While Olivia finds the gravestone fascinating, Nick is obsessed with bringing it inside their home and even digging up the grave. Additionally, Olivia battles with Nick’s introduction of a creepy clown doll into their living space.

Key Discussions & Insights:

• Preservation vs. Intrusion:

  • Olivia expresses her concern: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
  • Gareth shares his own experience with a Brazilian wax, drawing parallels to Olivia's discomfort and highlighting the importance of personal boundaries.

• Creative Solutions:

  • Shrine Creation: Jake proposes preserving the gravestone outside by building a small shrine with chairs and a coffee table, allowing Nick to honor Orville without intruding into their living space. "Put a couple of chairs and a coffee table there. And you sit with Orville and have your morning coffee." (30:05)
  • Compromise: Olivia and Nick agree to keep the gravestone outdoors, ensuring it remains a respectful memorial while preventing it from becoming a household fixture.

• Humorous Interlude:

  • The introduction of Nick into the call leads to lighthearted banter about burying Orville and the absurdity of the situation, providing comic relief while addressing the core issue.

Notable Quotes:

• Olivia: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
• Jake: "You don't have to do it. This is what a relationship's about, Gareth. They each make a compromise." (37:55)
• Olivia: "I am happy with this deal because we also get to put a cute little coffee table by it. And everything will stay in the grave." (41:00)

---

Caller 2: Gracie from Oregon – The Wildland Firefighter's Bathroom Woes

Timestamp: 45:51 – 63:00

Gracie's Dilemma: Gracie, a 21-year-old wildland firefighter from Oregon, faces a common yet awkward challenge: the absence of porta potties during extended firefighting assignments. This leaves her struggling with the privacy of defecating in the wilderness without exposing herself to coworkers.

Key Discussions & Insights:

• Psychological Barriers:

  • Gracie admits her anxiety: "I just can't get myself to do it." (48:16)
  • Gareth observes the paradox: "You've said, I'm willing to put my body in front of a fire... but not brave enough to squat down and let waste leave my body." (47:40)

• Practical Solutions:

  • Distraction Technique: Jake suggests singing the Alphabet song to divert her focus during the act: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you squat down and you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
  • Portable Privacy: Olivia introduces the idea of a pop-up privacy tent: "It's a pop-up privacy tent... it's a great solution." (57:46)
  • Exposure Therapy: Gareth recommends gradual exposure by practicing in uncomfortable settings, such as using porta potties regularly to build tolerance.

• Product Recommendation:

  • The hosts endorse a practical product, a pop-up privacy tent available at Walmart for $25, providing Gracie with immediate steps to enhance her privacy while addressing her concerns.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth: "You have a wildly crazy job... but you're not brave enough to squat down and let waste leave your body." (47:40)
• Jake: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
• Olivia: "It's a pop-up privacy tent... this is what I was suggesting." (57:46)

---

Caller 3: Tori from Alabama – The Santa Claus Mix-Up

Timestamp: 63:00 – 75:05

Tori's Dilemma: Tori, a mother from Alabama, contacts the show as a follow-up to a previous episode where her son mistook their yard gardener, Santos, for Santa Claus. Now, with the arrival of her younger daughter, Sunny, Santa revels in the household, reigniting the confusion.

Key Discussions & Insights:

• Sibling Influence:

  • Tori explains how her older son has begun deferring the Santa belief onto his younger sister, creating a tangled web of Santa identities within the family.

• Clarifying Roles:

  • Recorded Conversations: Jake advises involving the older son to explain the difference between Santos and Santa, suggesting recording the conversation for clarity: "Sit both kids down and record it... Santos is not Santa." (67:17)
  • Professional Impersonation: Gareth proposes hiring a professional Santa to demonstrate the distinction in a controlled setting: "Hire a Santa and have Santos come inside and hang out for 20 minutes." (71:48)

• Humorous Debate:

  • A lively discussion ensues about the true nature of Santa, with Jake referencing "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and debating whether Santa is an elf or a jolly old man, adding comedic tension while seeking a resolution.

• Mutual Understanding:

  • The conversation culminates in a mutual agreement to proceed with the suggested solutions, ensuring both the magical essence of Santa and Santos's role are respected without causing further confusion.

Notable Quotes:

• Jake: "Record the whole thing because you tell him, obviously, Santos is not Santa." (67:17)
• Gareth: "Hire a Santa and have Santos come inside and hang out for 20 minutes." (71:48)
• Olivia: "I think it's going to, I think it'll be a younger sibling thing." (74:07)

---

Conclusion: Harmonious Resolutions Through Humor and Understanding

Throughout this episode, Jake and Gareth demonstrate their unique ability to blend humor with practical advice, fostering an environment where callers feel supported and understood. Whether it's navigating the complexities of preserving historical artifacts in a home or addressing personal discomforts in demanding professions, the hosts offer creative and empathetic solutions. Their interactions with Olivia, Gracie, and Tori underscore the importance of communication, compromise, and innovative thinking in resolving life's quirky challenges.

Final Thoughts: As Olivia concludes her call satisfied with the proposed solutions, Gracie feels empowered to tackle her field bathroom challenges, and Tori gains a clear path to resolving her children's Santa Claus confusion, "We're Here to Help" once again proves to be a valuable resource for listeners seeking advice with a humorous twist.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Olivia: "I really don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him." (16:15)
• Jake: "When you gotta go to the bathroom... you squat down and you start singing that Alphabet song on repeat." (51:13)
• Tori: "We need to hire Santos? Like, when we move to this new house, we're going to be kind of. It'll be a little bit of a drive." (67:07)

---

Disclaimer: All advice provided on "We're Here to Help" is intended for entertainment purposes only. Listeners should consider their own circumstances and consult professionals when necessary.

For more episodes and to submit your questions, visit [e-mail].

Transcript

[Olivia]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[Jake]

Holy. Was that a fun one.

[Gareth]

I can't believe it worked.

[Jake]

I.

[Gareth]

That's crazy.

[Jake]

It's crazy.

[Gareth]

That is just.

[Jake]

That is good stuff.

[Gareth]

He just said shitty hole. Oh, hello.

[Olivia]

Hi.

[Gareth]

Hi. Welcome to the show. You got Jake and Gareth. What's your name, please?

[Olivia]

Olivia.

[Jake]

Hi, Olivia.

[Gareth]

Where are you calling from today?

[Olivia]

I'm from Ohio.

[Gareth]

Okay, what age are we working with here, Olivia? Just So we know.

[Olivia]

27.

[Gareth]

27. Olivia, you got a memoir. It's about your life. What are you gonna call it?

[Olivia]

Oh, my gosh. The Big Blooper Reel.

[Gareth]

Wow, that's exciting. That's exciting. Why? I'm writing that down, I don't know. Olivia, what. What's going on? What can we help you with?

[Jake]

Can I interrupt really fast? I just got a sweet text from Justin Long about our pod, Olivia.

[Olivia]

Oh, yeah?

[Jake]

He said, hey, buddy, I'm gonna play some Pickleball today at 11. Do you want to come? And I said, I wish, but I'm doing the podcast. He wrote the podcast. Then he wrote jk. It's the only thing I'll turn down pickleball for O. Justin Long loves the show. And then I wrote. It's embarrassing how much I enjoyed doing this stupid show.

[Gareth]

Well, think of the last call we just had.

[Jake]

Incredible. Olivia. We just did the followup with Nick, who got his butt waxed because he.

[Gareth]

Had a shit and towel problem.

[Olivia]

Just listen to that today. That was nuts.

[Jake]

We just followed up with him. Your first thoughts, Olivia? What do you think was going to happen? Do you think it was going to be positive, negative? You just listened. What do you think?

[Olivia]

My first thought was, actually, did Gareth get his butt waxed, too?

[Jake]

He did. And? And his front. Olivia, stop it. I haven't heard the whole story.

[Gareth]

I would love to have stopped it.

[Olivia]

Oh, my gosh, I would like to hear it, but I also am a little bit scared.

[Jake]

Wait, should we just do a little bit of it with Olivia and have Olivia be part of this intro and then do her call?

[Gareth]

Sure. I'm very fine with that.

[Olivia]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Jake]

All right, we are now in an intro. We've already started it. This was a weird start. Olivia is about do a call with us.

[Gareth]

G. We still don't even know her problem. We just started talking.

[Jake]

We're going to get to the problem. After the intro, we'll reset that. Gareth got a Brazilian wax. Hell, man, take over.

[Gareth]

Well, I, in my head, thought that it was going to be, like, a month later. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I wasn't sure if I was going to be doing it with Kyle from the morning. I didn't know what was happening. Yeah. So I was about to record what I thought was a call with a guest helper. There was a miscommunication. Natalie found a place close to me that would do it.

[Jake]

Crazy.

[Gareth]

They had an appointment in a half hour. I walked in and I thought they only did the back. And I thought. And I wanted to just confirm that because I was like, well, if they do the front, I would have done. I wanted to be able to say that. She goes, no, we'll do the front. And I went, oh. So I go, yeah, let me. I want the whole thing. And she's like, okay. And then I'm walking into the room, and it's starting to dawn on me that I'm like, oh, yeah, this is a whole. This is about to be a whole nightmare. You know, like. Like Porky Pig scenario where I'm just sitting there, shirt only, no bottoms, to all the stuff we've already talked about. Jake.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Gareth]

So I'm sitting there on the tissue paper.

[Jake]

Olivia, what we talked about is you lay on your back and then your genitals just get eaten by your body. So as a man. And it's a terrible position to be in in terms of showing your penis.

[Gareth]

To the every part. And there's adrenaline and fear. Yes. Which is not helpful.

[Jake]

The penis and the balls go, let's go inside.

[Gareth]

Like a turtle penis. The ball.

[Olivia]

Like, what are you even thinking when you're laying there? You just, like, accepting it fully? Well, just like, oh, my gosh.

[Gareth]

I started to really feel vulnerable for some reason, and I started to feel like I felt bad for this woman because I was like, can I record it for my podcast? And she was like, okay. And I was like, this is. I'm like, 45. I'm sitting here. This is horrid. This is a horrid experience. So I'm there, and I'm like. I said to her, I go, what hurts more, the front or the back? And she goes, the front.

[Jake]

Front, by far.

[Gareth]

And I go, oh, I thought it would be the other.

[Jake]

But you thought the butt would hurt more than the scrotum?

[Gareth]

Yeah. Well, it's not even the scrotum. No, it's not the scrotum that gets you, because that's what I thought. It's the. It's the. The pubes, the top, the pubis.

[Jake]

Really? Why does that hurt?

[Gareth]

I don't know, but it is. She starts doing it oh, my God. And it is the most fucking. I. Like I said, you. I was not. I was, like, very committed to the idea that I was not gonna go big. I was like, I'll be real. I was going, like. And she keeps putting her hand on it.

[Jake]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth]

And I'm going, am I bleeding? And she's going, no, but that helps with the pain a little bit. And it takes so long. And then. And it's very painful to the point.

[Jake]

Where out of 10, I mean, night. So it hurts like hell.

[Gareth]

It. I would say 10, but I just don't want to deal with the comments.

[Jake]

Agree. Connect me to a tattoo. What hurts more?

[Gareth]

Tattoo that. It's the sustaining level of the tattoo pain that gets you. But when a tattoo starts, it's not that bad. It's when they start shading and you've been doing it for three, four hours that you start going, this sucks.

[Olivia]

Great.

[Gareth]

But until.

[Olivia]

If I had to still. How are you laying there?

[Gareth]

Mean, what other choice do you have? Have you never had this?

[Jake]

You never had it?

[Olivia]

I've never had it.

[Gareth]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

So Garrett's in a butterfly position. So he's laying on his back. No, I think we're in a butterfly.

[Gareth]

For the first time. I'm on back. I'm on back. Legs, like, down or whatever. I mean, it's like a doctor's table. So I'm on the back with the. With my. With my legs. Maybe my legs were, like, up a little bit, but either way, like, when this was over and I gynecologist. Yes. Well, no, not even. Because my. Until the butt. Then it wasn't even gynecologist. It was like cannonball.

[Jake]

Oh, so you went full cannonball for the butt?

[Gareth]

Yes, but. But when I looked at what my legs did to the tissue paper at the end, I was like, oh, my God. It looked like I'd opened a gift. Like, it was shredded from my feet moving.

[Olivia]

Oh, my goodness.

[Gareth]

But she keeps going. It's probably 10 rips on the front.

[Olivia]

Holy.

[Gareth]

Because she keeps going over it again and again. And then it goes to scrotum, which I was like, that's got to be worse. She goes, no, that doesn't. Wasn't as bad. And by the time I got. By the time I got to butt, I was like, oh, this is fine. You liked it. I know. I didn't say that.

[Olivia]

Jake, seems like you didn't do it.

[Jake]

No, I think so, too.

[Gareth]

No, I was very happy to be at the end of this.

[Jake]

She said, guys who curl their hair seem to like this.

[Gareth]

I said. I said, will you take some of that down there and give it up top?

[Olivia]

I did a quick Google and it shows up. That's the first thing it says.

[Jake]

Of course, guys in their 40s who choose to curl their hair for podcasts love curling.

[Gareth]

Cream is fine.

[Jake]

So question for you, Gareth, and then we'll get to Olivia. We'll get to your call.

[Gareth]

17 minutes, I was in there getting ripped.

[Jake]

How has it been since? How do you like the sensation?

[Gareth]

Well, day of. I was like, this will never happen again.

[Jake]

I mean, because of the pain.

[Gareth]

The pain. The redness. Oh, it just sucked.

[Olivia]

Oh, my God.

[Jake]

And creams on it after.

[Gareth]

Well, you're not supposed. You're supposed to exfoliate. And when I talked to my girlfriend, I was like. She was like, you. I had, like, a Kiehl's exfoliator from years ago. She goes, that will kill you. So she told me to. And this is what I did. I made a homemade salve.

[Jake]

Good.

[Gareth]

You're gonna. You're gonna die when I tell you what I did.

[Jake]

All right.

[Gareth]

I made a homemade exfoliator.

[Jake]

Okay. Would you put in it two things? Oatmeal.

[Gareth]

No. Exfoliator needs to be kind of granular.

[Jake]

Okay.

[Gareth]

Sugar and honey.

[Jake]

Okay.

[Gareth]

Nice. Oh, I thought you're gonna lose your mind. So I was putting sugar and honey on my asshole, my bare pubis, and my nuts in the shower, and you just. Dude, it's sucked now. I am a couple weeks away or whatever. 10 days away. I get it. It's way better. It's way better. In every way, it's better.

[Olivia]

Wow.

[Jake]

Explain why.

[Olivia]

An inspiration.

[Gareth]

Because.

[Jake]

Because there might be a group of men. Because we do have. We got a chunk of men who listen to this. This might start something.

[Olivia]

There was a Reddit post, guys. There was a Reddit post that asked that said, I wish that this had aired before June 12, because we could have all gone together on June 12 to go get it done. Well, oh, my gosh. You're going to start a trend.

[Gareth]

The advantage, first of all, I mean, I. I use the manscaper and all that. You know what I mean? It's like. It's kind of its own annoying little thing. You have to do it more regularly than you'd probably want, and it's limiting. I can't get everywhere. So the back. My back has never been addressed when you.

[Jake]

You sound like Christopher Walken when you go down.

[Gareth]

The back is back of the watch. It's never been addressed when you take a. Now it is Just a different experience.

[Jake]

Explain how for anybody eating. Sorry.

[Gareth]

Sorry. Stop eating.

[Jake]

I'm just. I'm truly curious.

[Gareth]

When you look, when you have to, it's. It's just all clean.

[Jake]

Just flipping out. It just right out of you.

[Gareth]

Well. And when you're wiping, just like nothing interesting.

[Olivia]

Oh my God.

[Gareth]

It's easier.

[Jake]

So the problem for Nick.

[Gareth]

I thought we would have solved the problem. When I was going through this, I was like, this is probably a big part of it. He's just not cleaning his asshole properly is what I thought.

[Jake]

Are you ever gonna do it again? At least this the back.

[Gareth]

No.

[Jake]

Okay, Olivia, stick around. We will take your call and maybe air it connected to this intro.

[Gareth]

Who knows what's happening anymore, Olivia. But that's what happened.

[Jake]

Without further ado, introducing the new Dell AI PC. Powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor. It's not just an AI computer. It's a computer built for AI. That means it's built to help do your busy work for you. So you can fast forward forward through.

[Gareth]

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[Jake]

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[Gareth]

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[Jake]

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[Olivia]

Ah.

[Gareth]

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[Jake]

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[Olivia]

It's so crazy because it's like we started backwards. Okay. Anyways, so my problem is me and my fiance have been living together for about three years.

[Gareth]

Get his asshole next. Oh, sorry.

[Olivia]

Hang on.

[Gareth]

Go ahead.

[Olivia]

No, his name is actually Nick. So that's funny. But we have everything in our house is like thrifted antique shopping. We'll surprise each other with like crazy old things and tell each other all about the story behind. And it's super cool. But we moved into this giant barn essentially like a year ago.

[Gareth]

Cool.

[Olivia]

And we found a grave stone like a Tombstone from the 1800s outside.

[Jake]

Holy.

[Olivia]

Pretty sure someone's buried there yeah. Orville Curtis. I was like, super cool. Nick, my fiance, thought it's really cool, too, but he's really obsessed with wanting to bring the grave inside and dig up the grave.

[Gareth]

What?

[Olivia]

And I really don't want him to do it.

[Jake]

Incredible.

[Gareth]

Such a Jake.

[Olivia]

So he's at the point. Yeah, he's at the point. I knew you would take his side. He's at the point where he's slowly been moving it closer and closer to the house. Like, there was a week where it was just leaning up against the front door. And I was like, no way. I don't want any ghosts. I don't want that situation. But now it's like, in the middle ground. It's hanging out on, like, by the garage. But I don't want him to bring it inside. And I don't know how to stop him.

[Gareth]

I know how to stop him.

[Jake]

How? Ooh, cool. So there's a photo.

[Gareth]

Cool. That is so Jake. You're talking to one guy who doesn't have gorillas in his yard.

[Jake]

And one who does that says, orville Curtis died May 25, 1860 something, aged 37. Holy shit, is that cool? Where do you live again, Olivia?

[Olivia]

We're like Northeast Ohio.

[Jake]

Oh, my God. And in the backyard you've got. So I just went to Alaska, and my family, you know, it's a blast. And my family and I took one of these, like, pride, like, we. You charter planes there because everyone's a pilot. And we flew into the Arctic Circle and went to a little town called Wiseman, which is fully off the grid. And we met somebody who lived there. And we were in his house and he was giving us a tour, and in his yard had a little gravestone. And he goes, yeah, that's where my mother's buried.

[Olivia]

Wow, that's sweet.

[Gareth]

That is sweet. That I like better.

[Jake]

Really?

[Gareth]

I like that.

[Olivia]

Sweet. Yeah.

[Gareth]

I like that better than mom in the backyard.

[Olivia]

I don't know. I don't want even.

[Jake]

I don't want even my backyard.

[Gareth]

I want even my backyard now that it's all clean.

[Olivia]

Because then it's that way. If someone's haunting the house, you know who it is. Then you could just be like, ah, go back to bed, Ma, or something.

[Gareth]

I love how our ghost logic works. It's a proximity thing. It's got to be mom. She's 100 yards away.

[Jake]

Yeah. Was mom going to take a subway?

[Gareth]

Like that guy a ghost?

[Jake]

And so this is an interesting one, Olivia. So you and Nick moved into a cool old barn. Very jealous. I Think that's awesome. You guys give each other funky, old weird stuff. And now Nick's going, I want this in the house. Which we all know I'm a yes. But I'm gonna try to be on your side. One, because you're the caller. Two, because you have my daughter's name, and so I inherently like you. So how are we gonna convince Nick not to put this fucking cool gravestone? First of all, he moved it away from where the body was.

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah, he already moved it.

[Jake]

You got to move it back.

[Gareth]

Well.

[Olivia]

Well, I think he wants to get it in the house. Okay, so I'll give you another story. There is one other thing in this house that I didn't want here. It's a creepy clown doll, and I actually sent you guys a picture of it.

[Gareth]

Creepy clown doll doll.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Let's see the photo. And it was in the barn.

[Gareth]

Oh, no. What's wrong? Jesus Christ.

[Olivia]

Was at, like, an antique shop, and we were together when he saw it.

[Jake]

Okay, so that was okay. But that wasn't in the barn when you moved into it.

[Olivia]

Correct.

[Jake]

Okay. He just brought that home?

[Olivia]

Yeah, Yeah, I said, don't bring it home, and he left it there. But then, like, he somehow snuck back there, bought it without me knowing, and then pranked me with it like, a month later.

[Jake]

Gotcha.

[Olivia]

Oh, he. If he wants it in the house, then he'll bring it in the house, but he'll also kind of scare me with it, I'm afraid.

[Jake]

I gotcha, Jake.

[Gareth]

We're also grazing over the fact that he wants to dig the grave up.

[Jake]

I know that.

[Gareth]

I mean, that instinct. That instinct is way off.

[Jake]

Yes, I agree. So, Olivia, how real is he about.

[Olivia]

When there's any artifacts?

[Jake]

Yeah, there's an artifact. Yeah, there's one in old moldy clothes.

[Gareth]

Yeah, Oscar Orville. Whatever.

[Jake]

Unless he's buried with somebody.

[Gareth]

Maybe he is.

[Jake]

I'll tell you what he's not. He doesn't have a clean asshole like Gareth. I bet back then, men named Orville didn't go, I'm throwing a podcast, and I would like more content for my.

[Gareth]

They didn't know how to drill a tooth.

[Jake]

Yeah. Would you wax my body? Do you mind if I fiddle?

[Olivia]

That's.

[Gareth]

Hi, Orville. I love my wife.

[Jake]

Sorry, but when I turtle, my genitals disappear. Pardon me. Those genitals never disappeared.

[Gareth]

They were real men, the real generation.

[Jake]

You didn't fight in World War II. And if you turtled, your dick was out. Okay, back to you, Olivia. So what is this specific question? Because There's a few things cooking here. One, Nikki wants to dig up the body. That's a.

[Gareth]

No, no, that's a pass from. We're here to help. We're passing on that premise.

[Jake]

I'll call him if I have to. That's out of control.

[Gareth]

Yeah. Gorilla to gorilla.

[Jake]

And gorilla to gorilla. Because I also did that in my backyard in Atwater.

[Gareth]

It's true. You went nuts back there. You would have found Orville back there.

[Jake]

I will tell you, Olivia, I went about six feet into my ground with the great. With the great late Jeff Baena. No, we.

[Olivia]

Oh, my God.

[Jake]

We thought there was a body buried in my backyard. And Mike, Sarah and I and Steve Berg and Jeff Baena and I dug deep into that ground.

[Olivia]

Why did you think there was a body in the back?

[Jake]

Well, we started finding some stuff, Natak, like a rusted old gun, a license plate. And then we saw something that was a rug that was buried vertically about five and a half feet into the ground. I was putting a. My wife wanted a garden in our backyard, and she wanted change all the soil. So we went about two feet deep. And then old Jakey J decided to go a little bit further than 2ft.

[Gareth]

And stop being about crops.

[Jake]

Started becoming about finding Orville and bringing them out of the goddamn earth. Called the cops. They told me it's not their job to dig out another person's trash. They said, call me back when you find a body. And I said, I will, but I ain't calling you back. Just like I ain't going to the doctor for a dirty butt. Okay, sorry, more than a dirty butt. So, Olivia, what is the specific question we can help you with today?

[Olivia]

Okay, specific question is how do I prevent Nick from ever bringing the gravestone into the house?

[Jake]

Wow. Is Nick around?

[Olivia]

Nick is downstairs.

[Gareth]

Does he know you're calling the show with this problem?

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Jake]

Maybe we get Nick on the call, too. Is there a way to do this where he's on his own line, Natalie?

[Olivia]

Yeah, we just gotta give him the same phone number and instructions that we gave Olivia.

[Jake]

Yeah, let's do that really fast because this might have to be a bit of a talk.

[Olivia]

Olivia, can you. Can you forward that email to Nick or. Or text him? Yeah, I actually. I have it pulled up on my laptop, so I'll just go ahead and. And give it to him. Oh, hold on. Nick, I need you to join this phone call. I'm going to send you an email. All right, I'm texting it to you.

[Gareth]

Okay.

[Jake]

No, you're talking next.

[Olivia]

I mean, I could just text it right back to you guys, but you're already on the call.

[Jake]

Agreed. That's. Yeah, that's right. Sure.

[Gareth]

Okay.

[Olivia]

So, Gareth, you have to keep exfoliating.

[Gareth]

I.

[Olivia]

What'd you say?

[Gareth]

How long?

[Olivia]

Yeah, follow the directions. Oh, my God.

[Gareth]

I'm done exfoliating.

[Olivia]

No, you have to keep exfoliating. You're gonna get ingrown hairs.

[Gareth]

Look, then I'll deal with it then. I'm done riping sugar on my ass. No, I'm done being a sugar ass.

[Olivia]

Well, that's why I said to get a glove.

[Gareth]

Get a glove.

[Olivia]

Yeah, just don't let your girlfriend wash her face with it.

[Gareth]

Call back.

[Jake]

Oh, yeah.

[Olivia]

Or your dad.

[Gareth]

Oh, my God. He just comes out. I feel great. What kind of towel is that?

[Jake]

My face is.

[Gareth]

Why do you have another bit in the shower? I feel great. Hello, Nick.

[Olivia]

Hey.

[Gareth]

Hey, old gravedigger.

[Olivia]

That's me.

[Jake]

Daddy. So, Nick, we've been speaking to the lovely Olivia about this gravestone you want to bring in the house.

[Olivia]

Right.

[Jake]

Can you tell us why? My guy?

[Olivia]

Yes. The main reason is just to preserve it, you know?

[Jake]

Okay.

[Olivia]

Also maybe, like, hang it on the wall, put a light on it.

[Gareth]

That's different. That's different than preserving it.

[Jake]

Helps preserve it, though. Keep.

[Gareth]

No, it doesn't. Extra light wouldn't help preserve it. Nope.

[Olivia]

And it's a nice piece of history. And we don't really know if someone is buried there. It could have been moved. Like, that gravestone is older than our house. So it'd be weird if he was buried here in a field in a random spot before our house was built, you know, so maybe that's not weird. Maybe it's the neighbor's house. Or, like, you know, because his house is mid-1850s, I think.

[Jake]

Cool.

[Olivia]

Maybe.

[Jake]

Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question, Big Nick. What are you hoping to find in that? In that earth?

[Olivia]

Oh, you never know. You know, some crackers maybe was buried with a treasure map.

[Jake]

Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm talking to me.

[Gareth]

Nick, let me ask you this. Nick.

[Jake]

Nick, everything you're saying is right. Nick. Jake.

[Gareth]

I knew this would happen.

[Jake]

Jesus Christ. I agree. It could be anything.

[Gareth]

But, Nick, what if it was just.

[Olivia]

You're gonna dig up a ghost?

[Gareth]

Well, if it was just a bunch of bones.

[Jake]

It's not a mummy, Olivia. It's not like you dig it up and all of a sudden a puff of smoke comes out. If. If Orville's there, he's already here.

[Gareth]

Jake jumps.

[Olivia]

That's what I'm saying. Oh my gosh. I don't want to make him more mad.

[Gareth]

That is mad. That is a record ship jump from you, Jake.

[Jake]

That isn't jumped yet.

[Gareth]

Yes, you absolutely, absolutely have.

[Jake]

That's not true.

[Olivia]

If you were my neighbor and I asked you, I know you'd have a shovel in your hand and you'd be over here.

[Jake]

You're not wrong.

[Olivia]

Be digging it up.

[Jake]

Nick. Not only that, there's a real chance because I might take a little bit of time off this summer. I've been working too much. There's a real chance I'm going to go out there and meet you guys.

[Olivia]

Please do. Don't dig up our grave. Please, please.

[Gareth]

Jake Johnson. Don't fly to Ohi.

[Jake]

I can get six feet in the ground in record speed. I'm an animal with a shovel.

[Olivia]

Most people don't understand how deep. That took a lot of hand digging.

[Jake]

You know, me and my. Me and the great Jeff Ba And I got a photo of it. We were nipples deep in record time. You just gotta go hard, man. You just don't stop. As the great Goggin says, your tired body.

[Olivia]

You got that right.

[Jake]

All right, now I think we've solved it. I don't think we have.

[Gareth]

Allow to remind you the problem. Olivia wants it so that we don't have a, a gravestone in her home and B, that we're not digging up Orville.

[Jake]

Okay, so what do we do here? What do you.

[Gareth]

I think we've kind of fucked it up because we brought in a guy who sold you on the idea of. This is a good idea.

[Jake]

I think we're back. I think we can get it back turned around. I'm all turned. I'm looking for a little bit. How. Olivia, will you take over and repaint the picture? Let's get us back on track here.

[Olivia]

Okay? Okay. Okay. Imagine somebody from the 1800s is resting peacefully outside in this yard. And people from 2025 go la da. I'm gonna go dig it up just to look for some jewelry and a couple guns.

[Jake]

You're totally right.

[Olivia]

And then dig it up for what? An old crusty dead body? We could also, you know, we could make a table out of those bones. We can make a chandelier.

[Jake]

You lost me, Nick.

[Gareth]

Do you see what fire you fueled?

[Jake]

No, I got a pitch for real, Nick. And I think you're gonna like this.

[Gareth]

I live in Beetlejuice.

[Olivia]

Fuck.

[Jake]

Now you got me back. I want to live in Beetlejuice. No, no, no, Nick. I got A real pitch for you.

[Olivia]

I'm listening.

[Jake]

Do you remember exactly where you found the stone?

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Was it laid on its back or was it vertical?

[Olivia]

It was vertical. It was against a dead tree stone. Yeah. It was sitting up looking like it was on a site where someone was buried.

[Jake]

And you moved it, Nick.

[Olivia]

I did, yeah. Picked it up because it's getting to the point where you can't read it anymore.

[Jake]

So I was like, oh, okay.

[Olivia]

Before I bring it inside, I'll put it, you know, under. We have a carport. Put it in the carport. There's no rain hitting it.

[Jake]

Understood.

[Olivia]

It'll preserve the etching, you know.

[Jake]

All right, I got a pitch for you, Nick. And I think you're gonna like it. You're not gonna like it at first, but I. I think in the end you're gonna like it. Okay, first of all, you got to put that stone back to where it was. And you know that in your heart of hearts, you shouldn't have moved it. And you know that, Nick. You know that. Nick. Nick. Your message, it's. That's Orville's stone.

[Gareth]

My king.

[Jake]

You stole it.

[Olivia]

That's true.

[Jake]

You stole it.

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake]

By the way, coolest yeah I've ever heard. That was the coolest yeah, I've ever heard.

[Gareth]

This guy hates authority.

[Jake]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. But Nick, here's what I. Here's my pitch to you. Your idea of preserving it is dead right? And that's respectful to Orville. So here's what I think you do. You've now cleaned it. You cut the grass over there, you put it back into the ground where it was, but you build a little cover for it. So you put like a little protective area and you put a couple of chairs and a coffee table there. And it's Orville's morning coffee spot.

[Olivia]

Okay?

[Jake]

You build, you build. And the way you do that is so easy. You know, you put a couple of. You could have. Could have put a couple of four by fours in the ground. And all you need is a slanted roof and you can go to anywhere and get corrugated plastic. And then you just get a couple of chairs and a little table and you sit with Orville and you have your morning coffee and you say to him, hey, brother, how you doing? Orville just added my morning coffee. I don't know if you're a weed smoker, Nick, but I'm betting yes.

[Olivia]

How'd you know?

[Jake]

So that's where you head. That's where you take a little hit of your grass. If a Friend comes and visits, you go, let's go smoke with Orville. But you put him back to where he was. You preserve it. And then like a true caretaker, you take care of his spot. And you want to know what happens then, Olivia? Orville watches over you guys.

[Olivia]

Love it. I'm here for it. And we get buried next to him one day.

[Jake]

No, we're talking.

[Gareth]

No, we're not. I would also say, say maybe what you do is because this is possible. Maybe you do a little research on who he was and try to find.

[Jake]

Nothing.

[Olivia]

We tried. Well, he died in the Civil War and they just sent a letter back and they're like, so, like there could not even be a body. He could be, you know, that son.

[Jake]

Of a died in the Civil War.

[Olivia]

I'm assuming you know your history. When was the Civil war?

[Jake]

The dates. The dates work. The dates work.

[Gareth]

I think it's 18.

[Olivia]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So that's, you know, you know, young farm dude and got chipped off and died.

[Gareth]

Yeah, he was, you know, Jake loves him. Well, then I like the pitch. What I was going to suggest is maybe we find out a couple more specific things and you could cater the area and his direction a little bit more. But everyone back then basically did the same thing. You could maybe decorate it with a tin cup and some other stuff if you wanted. But I like that idea a lot. And I think if you've got a hankering for a little digging, Nick, go a little deeper into your yard, Dig a hole about one foot and throw that clown in it. Get that away from me. While we're at it, while we're doing projects that help everything.

[Olivia]

You're not a fan of the clown?

[Gareth]

I like the clown. Not into the clown at all.

[Olivia]

Thank you.

[Jake]

I think the clown's on the phone, my friend.

[Gareth]

I think the clown's giving you advice is what I think. First half of the call, there's a clown.

[Olivia]

Nah, nah, I could not pass up that clown. Did you really look at that clown?

[Gareth]

Yeah, it's not incredible.

[Jake]

It's a great looking clown. Nick, here's the real pitch to you, man. You got, you got to preserve his area. I do think you got to put the stone back and I think you got to build a little shed and turn that into a zone where you go and pay him respect. And if you're having coffee alone out there, you're smoking a little bit of a one hitter, just give him a shout out, thank him for his service.

[Olivia]

And this is after I dig him up.

[Gareth]

Nope.

[Jake]

You're not digging them.

[Gareth]

Not digging them up, buddy. Not digging them up. There's no digging him.

[Jake]

I would say 100% no digging.

[Gareth]

No digging.

[Jake]

And I'm going to tell you this as a guy who. I can tell. I'm older than you. I could tell. I could tell. I got at least a decade on you. So I'm saying this from older Nick to younger Nick, right? You go digging in that ground, you're not going to find anything you want to find. I was six feet in the ground.

[Olivia]

Maybe that's what I need, though, you know, the closure of the fact that.

[Jake]

You're right.

[Gareth]

I did hang in there, Jake. You're doing so good.

[Jake]

Look, as a guy at my age.

[Gareth]

We're done with the call.

[Jake]

I know I don't need to dig him because I already went down there. You know what I found, Nick? Nothing.

[Gareth]

Then dig somewhere else. Dig in another area. Don't dig up a body of a man.

[Jake]

I made a. I made a movie with Joe Swanberg based off this. Digging for fire.

[Gareth]

Do not dig up a man's body in your yard.

[Jake]

You go digging for this, he ain't gonna find anything.

[Olivia]

There's a hypothetical. We don't know if he's actually there.

[Jake]

Hey, Olivia, what do you think about letting. How about a question for Olivia?

[Gareth]

No.

[Jake]

Olivia.

[Gareth]

Jake, this is.

[Jake]

This is for.

[Gareth]

Don't ask this question.

[Jake]

Oh, no, I don't want to ask it because I don't want my partner getting mad at me.

[Gareth]

All right, Ask it.

[Olivia]

I want to hear it.

[Gareth]

I know what's coming. It's just insane.

[Jake]

Gareth, ask the question for me.

[Gareth]

Olivia, what's the biggest downside to Nick, your husband, digging the grave up?

[Jake]

That's the question.

[Olivia]

There we go. I would. I just don't want to dig.

[Jake]

No, you don't have to do. You don't have to.

[Olivia]

Right.

[Jake]

You don't have to know anything about.

[Gareth]

Watch.

[Jake]

But no, here's what it is. Nick's digging on his own time, and this is between him and Orville.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

And no matter what happens, if he finds that box, you know what you might do, Nick? And what I think you would do if you found the box? You'd probably cry.

[Gareth]

Now, let me ask you this.

[Jake]

You wouldn't open it.

[Gareth]

Okay, that's what I was gonna ask.

[Olivia]

It would get real.

[Jake]

You would see, because, dude, it happened to me. And you know what happens when you get to that moment? You go, I don't even know what I'm looking for.

[Gareth]

Here's the question.

[Jake]

You know, I know, but you might have to experience that kid, Nick.

[Olivia]

Exactly.

[Gareth]

Nick, would you open it if you found it?

[Jake]

He will not know until he's there.

[Gareth]

Yeah, he will not know. It's so unbelievable. So I don't think we can open. We can't open the goddamn coffin.

[Jake]

Olivia, I got a question for you really fast. Sorry, Nick, but we got to go to Olivia. She's our caller. Hey, Olivia.

[Olivia]

Yes?

[Jake]

You think this is the guy you're gonna spend a chunk of your life with? Is this your man?

[Olivia]

Yeah, this is my man.

[Jake]

So I think at this stage of his life, he might have to dig in the ground and get to that box.

[Olivia]

Okay, well, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

[Jake]

What?

[Olivia]

You could dig up the hole as long as you make the little shrine for Orville. And whatever you dig up, you make sure everything is back there when you bury it.

[Jake]

Man, I agree with this spot.

[Olivia]

Yeah. And we'll drink our coffee out there.

[Jake]

This, I love that.

[Olivia]

Sounds good to me.

[Jake]

So, Nick, are you.

[Gareth]

Of course it does.

[Jake]

What? No, it doesn't.

[Gareth]

It's like Nick called the show.

[Jake]

No, it isn't. And I'm gonna tell you why.

[Olivia]

Bring.

[Jake]

No, I'm gonna tell you why. Because Nick wanted. Nick wanted this shit in the house.

[Gareth]

Okay? True, true, Olivia.

[Olivia]

Yeah. That was the main thing.

[Jake]

So Olivia is saying, I'm gonna let you dig it. This is what a relationship's about, Gareth. They each make a compromise.

[Gareth]

It's Gareth. Gareth Th. Gravedigger.

[Jake]

The guy's got a million podcasts. You don't know his guy.

[Gareth]

That's nice. It's not working.

[Jake]

Slow down. You've already got enough. So, Nick, no matter what you find when you're digging, none of it goes in the house. It all goes back, preserved. And you are. You are re preserving that area outside for Orville. And when you're doing it, you're paying your respects to him. You are thanking him. You are saying, this is my own personal journey. I mean no disrespect, but this is where I'm planning on spending my life. And I just want to know what's in the land that I live, where I'm going to have my children in Orville. And I think you would understand that. You know what he'll say? Yeah, I understand that, man. And you go, hey, Orville, I'm a man, too. And when you get down there and you're staring at his box, Nick, cry those eyes out, man. Cause you've been holding those tears in for Too long. You don't hate authority. You hate your dad, brother. You hate your dad.

[Olivia]

I feel like you're reflecting a lot right now.

[Gareth]

I'm getting on.

[Jake]

Olivia.

[Gareth]

There's a lot going on. Olivia, I think we somehow have maybe solved a problem for Jake and Nick.

[Jake]

I'm too old, man. I've already solved this problem, brother.

[Gareth]

But obviously this old dog's been let.

[Jake]

Out of the kennel. Nick, you're just a young dog, man.

[Gareth]

All right, buddy? Maybe stop relating for a minute. Look, I think at the end of the day, Olivia, you feel good. Nick, you feel good. Jake, you seem a little unhinged. Yeah, you don't seem okay, but.

[Jake]

Balls have no hair on them.

[Gareth]

Neither does Orville's. Neither does Orville.

[Jake]

The hair and the nails.

[Gareth]

While we're down there, take a look at the pelvic area. Have a look. See if there's hairs where the asshole was.

[Jake]

Put some sugar and honey on those balls.

[Gareth]

A little sugar and honey on there. Get the worms back in there. Hold on. We're all solving problems here for ourselves. Put a little sugar honey on the pelvic bone. See what happens. See if the worms get back there and clean it out for the old guy.

[Jake]

So you two, Nick and Olivia.

[Olivia]

Now.

[Jake]

First Nick, and then we're gonna go do you. Olivia, how do you feel about this? Walk us through the plan. Where are we at?

[Gareth]

I'm on board.

[Olivia]

I'm with this.

[Jake]

Okay.

[Olivia]

I get to dig, you know, I get to bury the hatchet.

[Gareth]

You know, it's like talking to a dog.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Okay. So, Nick, you are happy with this deal?

[Olivia]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Jake]

No matter what, none of it comes in the house.

[Olivia]

Yep.

[Jake]

Olivia, back to you. Your original call was, how do I keep my husband from bringing this stone into my house? Are you happy with this deal? Do you want any changes? We are about to close a deal, but we're open for negotiations. Where yet.

[Olivia]

I am happy with this deal because we also get to put a cute little coffee table by it. NPR respects him every morning, and everything will stay in the grave.

[Jake]

Agreed. Nick, are you okay if Olivia picks the cute little coffee table and chairs in the placement?

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah, she's got good taste.

[Jake]

Hey, guys. After this call, will you guys give each other a hug and just say, we love you, Orville, while doing butterfly kisses?

[Gareth]

This is the followup from this one. I cannot wait.

[Jake]

Yes. And then, Nick, you got to with every update. We need some info on this, okay?

[Olivia]

Yeah, well, we'll make that happen.

[Jake]

So, Olivia, our original caller, you happy?

[Olivia]

I AM Great.

[Gareth]

It's like Storage wars but for a grave.

[Jake]

We will talk to you guys soon.

[Gareth]

Good luck.

[Olivia]

All right, thank you.

[Jake]

Thanks, guys. Appreciate you.

[Gareth]

Bye.

[Jake]

Bye, guys. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Smalls. What do you think of that, Gareth? Give me a little something about that goofy old cat of yours.

[Gareth]

You know me, I live in a museum of my cat. I love my cat, Jose. People think it's weird, but that's what happens when you get a cat. You know, you bond and we do belly biscuits. He drools. It's a whole thing. You've got to stay on your cat's health. You know, cats, they, they throw up. They're big into throwing up. But you got to be like, it freaks you out every. So if you're like me and, and you worry about that, you have anxiety about that, you should check out Smalls. Smalls cat food is protein packed with recipes that are preservative free ingredients you'd find in your fridge and it's delivered right to your door. That's a big player now. That's why cats.com named Smalls their best overall cat food. So to get 60% off your first order plus free shipping, head to smalls.com heretohel for a limited time only.

[Jake]

For a limited time only. Because you're a we're here to help listener, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com hereto help. That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com here to help, plus free shipping. Again, that's smalls.com hereto help this episode is brought to you by Armchair Experts. If you love comedy, conversation and hearing famous people get a little too honest, you'll want to check out Armchair Expert. Every Monday and Wednesday, host Dax Shepard and Monica Padman sit down with actors, comedians, scientists, really anyone interesting for honest, curious and hilarious conversations about life. I have been on the show twice. I love it. Dax is a good friend. Go check out my episodes if you haven't already heard the show and allow that to be your gateway drug. Into Armchair Dax is the best, but some of the funniest moments, they come from our listeners. Every Friday, Dax and Monica listen to outrageous, awkward and deeply human stories from fans on the phone in real time on their armchair anonymous series. From disastrous dates to family secrets, accidentally joining a cult and a poop disaster, you won't believe they've heard it all. It's relatable, chaotic and Laugh out loud. Funny. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to armchair expert on YouTube. This episode is brought to you by Skylight Calendar. Skylight Calendar is a calendar that I have. We got this sponsor because I use the product. I bought a skylight calendar for my wife. We used to have one of those old school calendars, and now we use Skylight. We can put chore lists on it, which I really like. Everybody in the family has their zone. Everyone's got their own color, and you can just easily see everybody's schedule in a way that I find really convenient and way better than on a piece of paper like we did back in the day.

[Gareth]

I'm looking at mine right now. I have it up on my wall, okay? And it has everything that's going on with me. This is in my phone, but it's in a couple different calendars. And I lose track of stuff because I'm not a smart man. But I look up at the Skylight calendar and I'm like, okay, there it is. It's all there. It gives me that wall calendar energy that I so much in the phone era. So look, you can always avoid those last minute oops moments with the Skylight calendar. So right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to skylightcal.com here to help. Go to skylightcal.com Here to help for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. That is Sky L I G H T C-A-L.com here to help.

[Jake]

Hello, Teacher over parent.

[Gareth]

Yeah, hello. Hi, how are you? Welcome to. We're here to help. Jake's looking for something. He can't find it. Can we get your name, approximate age, where you're calling from, please?

[Olivia]

Yes, my name is Gracie. I'm 21 and I'm calling from Oregon.

[Gareth]

Gracie, what. What can we help you with today? What's going on?

[Olivia]

So I'm a wildland firefighter during the summers and fire season is coming up. During that time, I can be assigned on a fire for like days at a time. And there's no porta potties out there, unfortunately.

[Gareth]

Jesus.

[Olivia]

Yes, I have gotten myself to be able to go pee because it's like fast and quick, but I cannot ship my jumping in to pop us to poop outside in front of or near my co workers.

[Gareth]

Okay, so. So first of all, what a wild occupation you have in the summers. That has to be insane. And you're going out there for days. You're fighting fires. You're able to.

[Jake]

Gracie, first of all, 21 years old. So cool you're doing this.

[Gareth]

And thank you. Good Lord. I mean, what a.

[Jake]

It's just awesome.

[Gareth]

Brave job.

[Jake]

So you are courageous enough to fight a fire.

[Gareth]

This is a good point.

[Jake]

In the. In the. Gracie. In the forest.

[Gareth]

Yeah.

[Jake]

You've said, I'm willing to put my body in front of a fire to save these trees and other people, but I'm not brave enough to squat down and let waste leave my body.

[Gareth]

It's a very interesting dichotomy.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

It's not like your job is a job of a coward.

[Gareth]

No.

[Jake]

So that's why the tone of this one's different. You have a wildly crazy job.

[Gareth]

This isn't camping. This isn't like, I can't, you know, camp crap. This is. I mean, you are in the thick of it. Time is probably of the essence.

[Jake]

Also ripping through fires, kicking ass. So, Grace, can I ask you a question about why we don't like squatting in front of the others?

[Olivia]

I. I think, personally, I'm just like a nervous Hooper as it is. I just. It's more of like, I just. No matter how bad I need to, I just can't get myself to do it.

[Gareth]

What is the longest stretch you've gone out there without being able to do that?

[Olivia]

Probably. Probably only a few days, but the max amount of days that I could be out there is 21 days.

[Gareth]

Have you.

[Jake]

Problem.

[Gareth]

Have you ever, like. Have you been able to do it before? Just. It's like, bad or. You literally are. You can only home base it.

[Olivia]

I can only home base it. Wow.

[Jake]

All right, Grace, I got a question for you. And we might have to run a mile to go a block on this one.

[Olivia]

Okay.

[Jake]

What is your favorite song?

[Olivia]

My favorite song?

[Jake]

Yeah. Don't worry about it.

[Olivia]

Probably Black hole sun.

[Jake]

Can you do me a favor? Can you do me a favor and sing as much of it as you can? It doesn't have to be loud. You don't have to blast it out. But just saying. Black hole, son. And when you get to Black Hole Sun. Can you really hit that?

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Jake]

Thanks.

[Olivia]

Black hole sun.

[Gareth]

Beautiful.

[Jake]

Any chance you could start earlier in this song?

[Olivia]

Yes. Well, Black Hole sun is a recent favorite of mine.

[Gareth]

Okay, so you don't know the words?

[Olivia]

I don't know the words. Yeah.

[Jake]

Okay. What. What song do you know the words to?

[Olivia]

I definitely know the words to, like, Brown Eyed Girl.

[Gareth]

Sorry. Just might be a theme.

[Jake]

What. What. What song do you know the lyrics to? There's a reason for this.

[Olivia]

This.

[Jake]

Might be a stupid reason.

[Olivia]

Definitely. I like off the top of my head, I definitely know the words to like Twinkle, Twinkle little star.

[Jake]

Perfect. Let's hear it.

[Olivia]

Yes. Twinkle little star.

[Jake]

Keep going all the way through. Gracie, don't stop.

[Olivia]

Is it.

[Jake]

Just do it the best you can. How's that?

[Gareth]

Gracie, do you know any words to the song? Any song?

[Olivia]

I don't know. I thought I did.

[Gareth]

Yeah. I think. I think we're finding part of the issue.

[Jake]

Another call.

[Gareth]

This is. No, this is her not being able to perform under pressure, which she's unable to do out in the woods as well.

[Jake]

I think that's right. There is an idea. There's a method to this madness.

[Gareth]

I get where you're going.

[Jake]

How about this? Can you sing the Alphabet?

[Olivia]

Yes.

[Jake]

Okay.

[Olivia]

Okay. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z.

[Jake]

Again. Continue. How do you like to finish it?

[Gareth]

Come on, Gracie.

[Olivia]

Now I know my ABCs. Next time, won't you sing with me?

[Jake]

Perfect. Here's my first pitch. Thank you. You killed it. You got it. Here's my first pitch. When you gotta go to the bathroom and it's getting kind of bad, you squat down and you start singing that alpha, that Alphabet song on repeat with your eyes closed. You're pushing the whole time and you're just thinking about how many times you can get the song out before any. Before you go back. So you're racing yourself so all you're thinking about is the song. You are not thinking about anything else.

[Olivia]

He's okay.

[Gareth]

Taking the focus off of the place. You should be focused.

[Jake]

Just a full on. When you go, you go, oh, I'm not going to take a dump. I got to go sing out in the woods.

[Olivia]

Yeah. I think a part of the problem, what's making me nervous is that like someone's gonna come up behind me and they're gonna see me popping a squat.

[Gareth]

In the woods, but they're doing it too. I mean, I'm sure we could get into the psychology of this, but. But it, it's. You would think that you're. B. I have a pitch that's crazy. First of all, might not be bad for you to go do some karaoke to just learn to perform under pressure a little bit more. But in the vein of that, my next pitch. Jake, do you ever watch the show naked and afraid?

[Jake]

Of course I have.

[Gareth]

Okay. I thought so. What a lot of times they'll do before they Go on the show, they find out they're going on the show, they'll take their shoes off, they'll go walk on stones without shoes on for a little while. They'll start making fires before the event, they'll start training. So I think part of the problem is that you're just going into this situation with no training.

[Jake]

Now you're talking.

[Gareth]

I think what we're gonna have to do, Gracie, and as much as I don't want to interrupt your regular lifestyle is get ready for this situation by once or twice a week. You need to go do the actual in the woods even though you have access to your home based toilet.

[Olivia]

Interesting. Interesting, isn't it? I mean, I, I don't have access to the woods right now. I could.

[Gareth]

You might have to drive to go do this.

[Jake]

Then let me pitch on that.

[Gareth]

Okay, go.

[Jake]

I think I could pitch on that. So if you don't want to go to the toilet, if you don't want to go to the woods, what if you just put your feet, what if you lift toilet seat up so it's straight porcelain and you put your feet on the toilet bowl and you squat on the bowl as if you were outside?

[Olivia]

I could do that.

[Gareth]

I got a pitch on it.

[Jake]

Gets used to that weird squat motion.

[Gareth]

I got a pitch on that. I. Why not create a worse condition now so that the wood seems like a dream when it's time for that? And the only place I could think that's worse is the porta pot. You go find a porta potty and you start driving to go do it there once a week for a little while and get your body used to the most uncomfortable place in the world to have something.

[Jake]

I'll tell you something more uncomfortable than that. What if you start having to take a dump in like a Quiznos bag in your own bathroom?

[Gareth]

Well, there we go. First of all, a Quiznos bag is gonna be hard to come by. But the idea, I mean, a jewel Asco bag, A jewel Osco bag, disgusted is. Yeah, no, I think that'll get.

[Jake]

Then when you're in the woods, you'll be. It feels like a Four Seasons.

[Gareth]

I'm going to go. Gracie. What, what are you, an apartment house? What do you got?

[Olivia]

I'm in an apartment.

[Gareth]

Oh, damn it. I think the idea of a jewel Osco bag in the bathroom is creating a nightmare situation. I would start there, see how you react. And if that, that, that is where you start from. I then think I really would. That's kind of like. That's Kind of like we're running the mile, we're training for the marathon. I think before the event, we should do two weeks of going out, driving in the woods and just letting it go. Maybe even go camping for a minute or something like that.

[Jake]

There's another pitch we got Gracie that we could do, and that is you build a very easy makeshift dump tent. And that is you just get like a, a long stick, like a foldable. You could get it pretty easily. Like a six foot foldable or even, because you're going to be squatting a four foot foldable thing that you put like a rain poncho on top. You get in. You just put the high part in the middle of that poncho so it goes around you so you just have a little privacy.

[Gareth]

What, what kind of gear do you have when you're out in the elements fighting the fires? What do you have?

[Olivia]

I have a big pack of some tools and you got a water bottle.

[Gareth]

You got to take a lot of that stuff off to go do it, obviously.

[Olivia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth]

So maybe you take the jacket with you and, you know, you kind of just create a little, little, a little cone of, you know, cone of bathroom for yourself.

[Jake]

So early on, Gracie, when you're hearing this, where. Yeah. What are you thinking?

[Olivia]

I'm leaning towards the, the poncho a little bit, I think.

[Gareth]

Wonder why.

[Olivia]

I think like I'm, I think I'm afraid of people seeing you perceiving me while I'm going poop. Yeah, but, but the, but the.

[Jake]

Oh, oh, wait, hold on.

[Olivia]

I've ever heard.

[Jake]

You know, we got something for you, Grace, as a possible option. Natalie, will you talk a little bit and say what you're doing here?

[Gareth]

Why is this under your favorites? And then why don't you tell Gracie what it is?

[Olivia]

It's not under my favorites, Gareth, you fucking weirdo.

[Gareth]

Sorry.

[Olivia]

It is a pop up privacy tent. Months for pooping or showering. What? Changing.

[Jake]

And it cost 25 on Walmart.

[Olivia]

And it comes in a little tiny bag that you can probably throw in your pack.

[Jake]

Six foot privacy pop up tent, instant shower tent, portable outdoor rain shelter, camp toilet dressing, changing room with carry bag. This was what I was suggesting, but I was going to make you look like a weird hobo with a stick for 25. You got the real thing here, kid. This is, I think this is. Now, before Natalie threw this pitch up, you were about to drive to the woods and take a dump.

[Gareth]

Yeah. In many ways this kind of ruined the dream, but I also think this is a better Solution.

[Jake]

But. But now. You hear your pitches now, Gracie, and then we want to hear from you. Spend $25 at Walmart and buy this pop up tent, not a sponsor. Yeah. Squat on your own toilet bowl so that your body gets used to the motion. Take a dump in a Quiznos bag or a Jewel Osco bag. Go to Porta Potties or find woods and once in a while, train, like, naked and afraid and dump out in the woods until you're used to it. Gracie, 21, Oregon, a firefighter. What are you gonna do?

[Olivia]

I think I plan on using, like, more than one. I really want to just be able to go straight into the field and not think about it and do my business.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

So definitely, I'm probably gonna buy the tent, but I might also add in the going out in the woods or the Quiznos bag for, like, exposure therapy.

[Gareth]

I think that's what you have to do.

[Jake]

I think you got it.

[Gareth]

I think. I think it's good. I think those are. I think those are the best three. Get the tent. I would start with the Quiznos bag in the home base. Get yourself.

[Jake]

You would start with Quiznos.

[Gareth]

Well, I would. What do you do with the Quiznos bag after you poop in it? Where does it go? Sell it to someone else. They won't notice the difference.

[Jake]

Gracie, what are you going to do with the Quiznos bag?

[Gareth]

Send it to the show.

[Jake]

Send it to Steve Burns.

[Olivia]

Probably wait for my roommates, like, aren't home.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Olivia]

And there's, like, a dumpster outside. Maybe I just, like, tie it up, run out there, throw it in the dumpster.

[Jake]

I wonder how long you'd have to wait. And I wonder if there's a smell obstacle to deal with.

[Gareth]

There is.

[Jake]

I don't like the Quiznos pitch anymore. After we've talked it out, I wouldn't like this idea of my roommate taking a dump in a bag and waiting until I left.

[Gareth]

She's saying she's waiting for the room, that maybe your roommates are gone for the day and you can pull it.

[Jake]

Off because I think it's got to be right away. It goes to a dumpster. I don't want five hours later just sitting on a. Yeah. On a dresser.

[Olivia]

No, no, I. I definitely wait till, like, nobody's home. See?

[Jake]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's what you meant by way. Okay.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

All right. So then you're going to walk us through what you're actually going to do. J. Are you. Gracie, are you really starting with dumping in a quiz nose bag, or are we starting with buying the tent, going out in the woods and practicing.

[Olivia]

Well, I'm not in Oregon yet, so where are you? Maybe I'm in Hawaii right now, going to school.

[Gareth]

Oh, wow. Good Lord.

[Jake]

There's plenty of places to dump in Hawaii.

[Gareth]

Oh, good Lord. Just go on the beach like a cat.

[Olivia]

So maybe while I'm here, I'll start with, like, the toilet seat or the bag just to, like, practice for exposure therapy. And once I get over there, I'll buy the tent and then I'll just be like, so ready by the time.

[Gareth]

I would also say if you're in Hawaii, like, go to the beach and go use one of those public bathrooms there a couple times. That's certainly not a dream scenario. You got to get out of your comfort zone.

[Olivia]

I think definitely poop in a porta potty. I think it's like with. In the open air that she just.

[Jake]

Doesn'T want a stranger seeing her from behind.

[Gareth]

Nobody wants that. Sounds relatable.

[Jake]

Some people want it.

[Gareth]

Oh, Jesus.

[Jake]

Wow.

[Gareth]

Not me.

[Jake]

But we have.

[Gareth]

Well, it sounds like. It sounds like we're talking to one of them. You jumped in fast.

[Jake]

No, Gareth, we just live in a world of flashers to say nobody wants it. In a world where people's number one hobby is going around a trench coat and flashing, People want the weirdest stuff.

[Gareth]

I like you framing it as a hobby. I'm getting better at it. No, I think that's a good start. So I. I would. I mean, that's where I would start. I would just start, like, getting. I mean, look, those are uncomfortable situations and maybe you could baby step it. And then I think the culmination would be. Yeah, just drive to the woods to drop a deuce and get that 10 as a backup in case you. You need something like that. Maybe that'll come in here handy.

[Olivia]

Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

[Gareth]

Okay.

[Jake]

Okay, good. Gracie, will you follow up with us, please?

[Olivia]

I absolutely will.

[Gareth]

Let us know.

[Jake]

And thank you for what you do out in Oregon. It's really cool stuff.

[Gareth]

Absolutely. And by the way, you might want to download Black Hole Sun. It's a great song. There's a lot of lyrics.

[Olivia]

It is. I do know the lyrics. I just.

[Gareth]

Do you?

[Jake]

Hey, Gracie, if you know the lyrics on 3, 2, 1, go, go.

[Olivia]

Black hole sun.

[Gareth]

All right, Gracie, wait.

[Jake]

Give her a chance, G. Hold on. Let's see what she's got. In 3, 2, 1. Little star on action. Let's go. Either twinkle, twinkle, but don't stop until you get it. And you're going to take Us out on three, two, one.

[Olivia]

Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are well up above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky Twinkle, twinkle little star Brawl. I wonder what you are.

[Jake]

Ring the bell, Garrett.

[Gareth]

You sure?

[Jake]

Okay, Gracie, thank you for the call.

[Gareth]

Producer Sherlock here. This next call is a follow up from episode two, the Santa Dilemma. Hello.

[Olivia]

Hey, how's it going?

[Jake]

Hey.

[Gareth]

Welcome back.

[Olivia]

Thank you. It's good to be back. Who are you? Oh, I'm Tori from Alabama. I was. I was on the second episode with you guys. I told you guys about my son who thought that our yard guy, Santos, oh, my God. Was Santa Claus.

[Gareth]

This is crazy.

[Olivia]

And then I came back. Back.

[Gareth]

Yeah, we've already had one follow up. And what was the f. What was the first followup? Wasn't what was.

[Olivia]

So I think that the first followup, we were just kind of trying to figure out what to do because he was still believing that Santos was Santa Claus, like six months later. This followup is that my daughter is now two. And I. I am not lying. I drive in the other day. Yes. Santos is in the yard. And now Rocky, my older one, he's kind of like, not thinking about it anymore, but Sunny, my daughter, she goes, wait, Santa's here. Santa. And then we get in the house, she's running to the window. It's Santa. It's Santa. We got videos and we did nothing. Yes. You have a video of it. We did nothing to make this happen. He's go bring it to our neighbor's house. Who is it, baby? It's Santa Claus.

[Gareth]

Oh, my God.

[Olivia]

What is he doing out there? He's nothing, Mom. And there's a other Santa Claus. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. We can't see him because he has his thing on.

[Jake]

Okay, let's go see.

[Gareth]

Wow.

[Jake]

Wow. So, Tori, really fast, catch us up.

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Jake]

What happened with the first. What happened with the boy and the first one? Remind us of the follow up, would you?

[Olivia]

Sure, sure. I mean, I think that what we agreed on. I know there was some mention of getting Santos to dress up as Santa Claus.

[Jake]

That was our pitch. What?

[Olivia]

We said that you did. And. And I. By the time Christmas came around, my son was not thinking about it anymore. It was kind of seasonally, like, not an issue because, yeah, Santos didn't need to come do the yards as much, but I. I genuinely was not expecting this to come back around again, but.

[Jake]

So nothing ended up happening with your son. You never had to confront it. It just faded.

[Olivia]

Yes, it just faded. And it Just kind of, like, worked itself out.

[Jake]

So what. Where is your son's belief system on Santa Claus now?

[Olivia]

It. It's kind of unclear because, like, he hears his little sister now doing this and he's kind of, like, laughing. But I also. We're. We're building a house right now, and they both have mentioned, like, oh, is that chimney for Santa Claus? And so I'm just trying to figure out, like, where does this all land for them? Like, do they think that Santos.

[Jake]

I got a pinch, but keep going. I got a pitch on this one. But finish what you were going to say, Tori. So where this all lands for them?

[Olivia]

Yeah. Do we. Do we need to hire Santos? Like, when we move to this new house, we're, like, going to be kind of. It'll be a little bit of a drive. But is it, like, crucial that we hire him to keep the magic alive, or do we just kind of, like, let that be the end of this so we don't have to, like, carry on?

[Jake]

Well, by no means if I wanna. I wanna keep Santos from work, so whatever that is is your decision. But here's what I would pitch. I would pitch sitting both kids down and recording it and having the older brother explain to his little sister who Santa is and who Santos is.

[Olivia]

Okay?

[Jake]

And you record the whole thing because you tell him, obviously, Santos is not Santa. Santa's the guy who gives you gifts, and Santos is the guy who does our gardening. You understand that as the older kid? And he'll go, of course I will. Then you go, do you mind doing me a huge favor and just explain it to your little sis? She's getting a little confused. And, okay, they can. He can explain to her. His logic might get a little funky, but all you got to do as mom, is keep the. Keep the gutters blocked so no matter what, some pins fall down. And in the end, on Christmas, a big fat elf is going to climb down that chimney and give him gifts, but it's not going to be the gardener named Santos.

[Gareth]

I think that's pretty good. I think, like, I. I also think if. If you don't hire Santos for the next gig, it's as simple as saying, like, Santos went back to the North Pole, where Santa went back to the North Pole. He had to get ready for Christmas.

[Jake]

That Santa is a gardener.

[Gareth]

I'm in the weeds. I don't know what the hell's going on. The fact that it has gone into the next one is crazy.

[Jake]

So I think. I think now, right now, the inmates are running the asylum yeah. So the inmates have to fix it themselves. So I would just. I would honestly do this. I would give the older boys. Boy, I'd be like, hey, can you do me a big favor? Can you talk to your little sis? I think she's getting confused.

[Gareth]

I like.

[Jake]

What's she confused about? She thinks the gardener, Santos is Santa. And you obviously know Santa is, you know, the elf who climbs down the chimney and eats the cookies with the reindeers, gives you the gifts.

[Gareth]

Just quickly. Santa's not an elf, Jake.

[Jake]

He's an elf.

[Gareth]

What are you talking about?

[Jake]

He's a jolly old elf.

[Gareth]

He's not an elf. Elves work for him.

[Jake]

He's a jolly old.

[Gareth]

Who told you that? He's not an elf.

[Jake]

What do you think? How big is.

[Gareth]

He's a. He's big. He's a big boy. He's a huge man.

[Jake]

Read the text, baby. He's a little guy.

[Gareth]

Read the text, Gareth.

[Jake]

He's a little talking guy. He's a little guy. Yes.

[Gareth]

No, he's not.

[Jake]

Yes, he is.

[Gareth]

No, he's not. He's a baby.

[Jake]

I'm thinking of the Coca Cola commercial.

[Gareth]

I'm thinking of every tip or allusion to Santa of all time.

[Jake]

Santa is a jolly old elf.

[Gareth]

What do you. I. I can't even engage in this statement because it's so untrue. You're right. You're right, G. No, he's not an elf. Yeah, he's not an elf. He talk. He's a big. He's a G. Right. He's a big immortal gift giver. Tim Allen is not an El.

[Jake]

Tim Allen. He said. Yes, it's accurate.

[Gareth]

Oh, for God's sake.

[Olivia]

One in each origin story, but yes, read the books.

[Gareth]

I seriously thought you're gonna say, read the Bible.

[Jake]

Read the Bible.

[Olivia]

Read the Bible.

[Jake]

So, Tori, will you do that? Will you record your kids talking about it and send it to us?

[Olivia]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jake]

I think it's going to. I think it'll be a younger sibling thing. Believe in the older sibling. And I think they got to clean this up.

[Gareth]

Wait, okay, hold on. I'm sorry. I know. We're done with the call. We have a pitch.

[Olivia]

I'm. I'm ready.

[Gareth]

What? What would make you more convinced that Superman and Clark Kent were two different people than seeing them at the same time?

[Jake]

I like where you're going, actually. Keep going.

[Gareth]

What we should do is you should hire a Santa and you should have Santos at that event, and the kids can see that Santos and Santa are separate people.

[Olivia]

People. Okay.

[Gareth]

Might I Make a crazier suggestion. The earlier we can get ahead of this, the better. I used to do children's birthday parties. If someone ordered a Santa Claus for July, it would be weird, but I'd be like, whatever, money's money, I would do it. You could order a Santa to come over to your house in July and have Santos come inside and hang out out for 20 minutes, have some cookies. You could just be like, Santa wanted to show you that him and Santos are friends, but not the same guy. You each get a present. This is a one off. Good night.

[Olivia]

Are you still doing those parties? Are you available?

[Gareth]

You live in Alabama. I'll tell you what I'm not available for is a commute to Alabama to be a Santa for 20 minutes with my man Santa.

[Jake]

Can I. Can I read you something from Twas the Night Before Christmas?

[Gareth]

Is this going to be about how.

[Jake]

Simple of a pipe he held tight in his teeth and the smoke had encircled his head like a wreath? He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself, ladies and gentlemen. Read the text.

[Gareth]

But he's regular size in the illustrations in that book.

[Jake]

Yeah, read the text. You're believing Coca Cola's lies, Rob. Jolly old album.

[Gareth]

Jake. Jake, no.

[Jake]

What are we.

[Gareth]

We're not done with the call. She might want to hire a Santa impersonator and have Santos come inside.

[Jake]

Don't know. You're not gonna do it.

[Gareth]

It's not about me doing it. Jesus Christ, Tori, it's an option. Look, I. I don't want to say anything and sound unkind, but Jake Johnson, you were out of your goddamn mind. Tori, thank you for the call.

[Jake]

Take the book.

[Gareth]

Thank you.

[Jake]

Tori, don't say anything unkind, but Jake Johnson, you're out of your mind. Santa was a jolly old ass.

[Gareth]

I will admit I did not know about that text. Thank you, Tori. Keep us posted. Do one or the other.

[Olivia]

All right, all right, all right. Talk to you later. Bye. That is where I was like, we've read that book so many times. I knew Jake was right.

[Jake]

Well, I read that well, but there are illustrations. Well, the illust you're believe it. The illustration started in Coke.

[Olivia]

Do you look at the pictures or.

[Gareth]

Do you look at the work?

[Jake]

It's original drawing ran to my kids and I remember going, a jolly old elf. He ain't an elf. And then I went, why is he. And then because I remember scared my daughter. What do you we chat gbt. Look at the text.

[Gareth]

It's saying texting about his Brazilian wax.

[Jake]

A jolly old elm. Twas the night before Christmas. You guys also know Santa ain't real.

[Gareth]

So that's Give me my point to.

[Jake]

You of St. Nick. St. Nick. Twas the night before Christmas was what created all then Coca Cola.

[Gareth]

This is actually a very big argument in.

[Jake]

I know it is. Coca Cola said, no, we want a big old fat guy like Tim Allen. We'll sell our Cokes with it. You want to know why he's drinking all that sugar. But the real guy, you want to know why he could fit down in a chimney? Not because he's 6 foot 4, 300 pounds, gentlemen. Because he's a jolly old elf. And when I broke that down to my daughter, she got scared. And then I had to say, well, I don't think it's scary. He brings gifts. And she goes, it's a little Santa in the house. And I looked at my wife and I went, what? She's bringing up a really interesting point.

[Gareth]

Your wife's like, yeah, you're the one who made her do that.

[Jake]

Well, even the whole idea. She's like. She started getting. She's a little paranoid. She'd be like, I'm excited for the gifts, but he's just walking around our living room. It's a man.

[Gareth]

Please. He eats the cookies, but have a whiskey. Sit down.

[Jake]

Just go to bed.

[Gareth]

Just go to bed. Apparently, no. Santa Claus is not an elf. Although some early depictions describe knows all the answers.

[Jake]

I'm Rob. I look at illustrations. Is read the modern image.

[Gareth]

But the modern image of Santa as a rotund red faced man and a beard is largely due to illustrations during the civil War.

[Jake]

Not Coca Cola.

[Gareth]

Read the text is the funniest thing to say about a fake man.

[Jake]

He was chubby and plump.

[Gareth]

Read the text.

[Jake]

The chat GPT says he's not. How do you deal with this guy?

[Gareth]

Well, I look at the photos and.

[Jake]

I come up with my answers.

[Olivia]

This is why I'm so mean. Because.

[Jake]

I deal with Gareth.

[Gareth]

The idea that you're in a courtroom. Read the text Like a John Grisham character about a elf.

[Jake]

We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of we're here to help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth Du stand up on the road, go to Gareth. Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Olivia]

All video episodes of season one are.

[Jake]

Available now on Patreon and season two.

[Olivia]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Gareth]

Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hey there, we're heredos. That's the new name we have for you. This is Gareth. Just reminding you if you have not checked out my new podcast Next we have also a headgun production. Please do that. It is a show that just has a lot of good, quick hitting segments that are funny. The show is just silly, goofy. It's a good time. I think people will like it. That's why it was named Time magazine's podcast of the year. That's a lie. Don't look it up. But you know, listen, we're here to helps the best. So if you like this show, I think you might like my new podcast called Next we have. Please give it a listen and if you like it, you know, do all that stuff you got to do with podcasts. Appreciate it.