191: We're Here to Chat Vol. 2: Ghost Ebay (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Episode 191 - "We're Here to Chat Vol. 2: Ghost Ebay"

Host: Jake Johnson
Co-Host: Gareth Reynolds
Guests: Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein
Release Date: July 23, 2025

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I. Introduction

In Episode 191 of "We're Here to Help," hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds welcome regulars Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein for a lively discussion centered around the intriguing concept of "Ghost Ebay." The episode delves into a mix of personal anecdotes, professional challenges, and humorous banter, offering listeners both entertainment and relatable insights.

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II. Steve's Hair Transformation and Auditions

The episode opens with light-hearted teasing about Steve Berg's self-esteem and his consideration of sporting a perm. The conversation quickly turns to the challenges actors face in auditions, especially with the rising influence of AI in the industry.

• Steve Berg: “As a guy who runs has a low self-esteem... [00:39]”
• Jake Johnson: “He thinks there's ghosts everywhere... auditioning against ghosts. I don't like my chances. There's a lot of ghost stuff that's...” [01:13]

Steve humorously laments the difficulty of competing with deceased actors being brought back through AI, referencing iconic figures like Ernest Borgnine and Larry David.

• Eric Edelstein: “With this AI deal SAG made an incredible deal for actors that are dead... Soon, I got to be up against Borg 9... [01:28]”

---

III. Voiceover Auditions and Super Cuts

The hosts discuss the realities of voiceover auditions, emphasizing the importance of professional salons over budget-friendly options.

• Jake Johnson: “Super Cuts is a sponsor. Steve, is there any way we could retake that and you say it real positively?” [02:13]
• Steve Berg: “I don't want to go to a strip mall place. I need a fine fine salon... [02:18]”

The conversation highlights Steve's dedication to quality in his professional endeavors, juxtaposed with their humorous take on budget constraints.

---

IV. Music Preferences: Tape vs MP3 vs Records

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a spirited debate on the merits of cassette tapes over MP3s and records. Eric passionately defends the superior sound quality of tapes, citing a nostalgic connection to the medium.

• Eric Edelstein: “Cheap tinny MP3s are a conspiracy. There's high resolution audio. You can definitely hear a difference... [12:25]”
• Jake Johnson: “The hissing's the issue for me, but...” [12:52]

Gareth and Steve challenge Eric's preference, leading to amusing exchanges about maintaining cassette decks and the practicality of using them in modern settings.

• Jake Johnson: “But you have a tape deck in your car.” [13:16]
• Eric Edelstein: “Well, it always breaks, so then I have to get it pulled out... [13:27]”

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V. Selling Tennis Machines and Business Ventures

Gareth introduces his foray into selling old tennis machines, sparking a humorous discussion about their selling techniques and the logistics involved.

• Gareth Reynolds: “I have one with another on the way. But there could be four or five tennis machines... [18:21]”
• Steve Berg: “You're trying to sell tennis player... [19:15]”

The conversation underscores their entrepreneurial spirit, blending genuine business strategies with comedic elements.

---

VI. Eric's Experiences at Rice Walk and Pizza Bella

Eric shares heartfelt stories about his time frequenting Rice Walk Chinese restaurant, building strong community ties. He reminisces about interactions with regulars and the supportive environment.

• Eric Edelstein: “I've been there for over 20 years... [36:54]”
• Gareth Reynolds: “We've been going for over an hour. Let's get out of here.” [37:39]

The discussion shifts to his stint at Pizza Bella, detailing the challenges faced, including health code violations and the emotional impact of the restaurant's closure.

• Eric Edelstein: “I got Pizza Baker Bella shut down... [46:12]”
• Steve Berg: “You are less excited. That just means it's a...” [51:13]

These narratives highlight the fluctuating nature of hospitality businesses and the personal growth that comes from overcoming adversity.

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VII. Gardening Concerns and Storms

Steve expresses his anxiety over an impending severe storm threatening his vegetable garden. His detailed account of the plants he's cultivating underscores his dedication to gardening.

• Steve Berg: “My biggest immediate fear... tornadoes, heavy winds, hail... [56:35]”
• Jake Johnson: “What's going on with that garden? What are you growing?” [57:06]

Gareth and Jake offer supportive comments, blending genuine concern with their characteristic humor.

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VIII. Discussing RV Lives and Touring

The hosts contemplate the practicality of transitioning to an RV lifestyle for touring, debating the benefits and challenges associated with mobility and convenience.

• Gareth Reynolds: “I took an RV up to Van Vancouver during the pandemic... [59:28]”
• Jake Johnson: “Do you have to pay for that all the time? Okay, then you're golden.” [59:52]

The segment reflects their adaptability and willingness to explore new horizons in their professional and personal lives.

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IX. Final Banter and Wrap-Up

As the episode winds down, the hosts engage in playful banter, touching on various humorous topics such as diet, exercise, and quirky personal stories. They emphasize the importance of friendship and support within their community.

• Gareth Reynolds: “You can't outwork a bad diet... [64:30]”
• Steve Berg: “My biggest immediate fear... [57:35]”

The episode concludes with heartfelt appreciation for each other's contributions and a reaffirmation of their commitment to helping others, encapsulating the essence of the podcast.

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Key Takeaways

• Embracing Change: The hosts discuss the evolving landscape of the entertainment industry, particularly the impact of AI on acting roles.
• Nostalgia vs. Modernity: A recurring theme is the balance between nostalgic preferences (like cassette tapes) and contemporary alternatives (MP3s, digital audio).
• Community and Resilience: Personal stories from Steve and Eric underscore the importance of community support and resilience in overcoming professional setbacks.
• Entrepreneurial Spirit: Gareth's venture into selling tennis machines highlights their proactive approach to business and adaptability.
• Humor and Friendship: Throughout the episode, humor serves as a bridge, reinforcing the strong bond and camaraderie among the hosts and guests.

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Notable Quotes:

• Steve Berg on AI in Acting: “It's going to be old actors... [01:08]”
• Eric Edelstein on MP3s vs. Tapes: “Cheap tinny MP3s are a conspiracy... [12:25]”
• Gareth Reynolds on Selling Tennis Machines: “I have one with another on the way... [18:21]”
• Steve Berg on Pizza Bella Shutdown: “I got Pizza Baker Bella shut down... [46:12]”
• Steve Berg on Gardening Fears: “My biggest immediate fear... tornadoes... [56:35]”

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This episode of "We're Here to Help" masterfully blends humor with heartfelt storytelling, offering listeners both laughter and meaningful insights. Whether discussing the quirks of the entertainment industry, the merits of analog music formats, or the trials of small business ownership, Jake, Gareth, Steve, and Eric provide a rich and engaging listening experience.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

This is a headgum podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about the second annual we're here to chat.

[Eric]

Hell yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric and Steve, did the audience react to you two kings.

[Steve]

Oh man that talk about building me up you know as a guy who runs has a low self esteem Stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You say that all the what are you joking? Gareth he's doing now you're seeing what.

[Jake Johnson]

It'S like he's this is bad. This is me he'll that Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if he started curling his hair?

[Jake Johnson]

What would you say I like it That I like yeah I support that bird with a perm.

[Eric]

Look out.

[Steve]

It would be nice.

[Eric]

My God, you can't beat that. That's kind of steroids.

[Steve]

I would look like Bob Roth actually.

[Jake Johnson]

And he thinks and he thinks there's ghosts everywhere.

[Eric]

Yeah I would go home if I saw him on audition. No thank so would I. Yeah this guy's got a perm. He's seen ghost of tun@sal. It's over. It's over.

[Jake Johnson]

He's auditioning against ghosts. I don't like my chances. There's a lot of ghost stuff that's.

[Eric]

Audition let's not to bring home but that's the terrifying thing of today with AI is we are up against ghosts. I'm up against Ernest Borgnine, Larry Krieger. I got a whole list in my I used to have to worry about alive people now with this AI deal SAG made an incredible deal for actors that are dead.

[Steve]

Eric, we'll talk off air about this.

[Eric]

It's never been a better time but man, I'm going to be up against Borg 9 soon. We got to keep getting better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's worry about that then. Let's worry about right now getting Berg to agree to get a permit.

[Steve]

Oh I'm not opposed to it. I would look at the shoe I think I would look like. Well, I'm not worried. Oh oh, thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For $42 it's a little. No, we're getting a nice perm baby.

[Steve]

Now I'm more interested I mean because I just don't want to go to a Super Cuts you know. You know this is my money maker.

[Jake Johnson]

Super Cuts is a sponsor. Steve, is there any way we could retake that and you say it real positively.

[Steve]

I don't want to go to a strip mall place. I need a fine fine salon.

[Jake Johnson]

You want a ghost cutter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think about a real perm for before we do the next chat and you review Please. How much?

[Steve]

I mean you're going to have to do a Kickstarter for this but just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, Gareth does them now.

[Steve]

I can't.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't get a perm.

[Eric]

I.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not going to turn this into the Jake Berg get paid.

[Eric]

Get paid. Because if we get one new girl. Check residual. We know he's got that times 150.

[Steve]

You're right.

[Eric]

So do that math and like right, if he wants to try to make you get a perm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all adult men. We are sniffing 50 half a century make.

[Steve]

I. I'm in the market for lemons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm making you.

[Eric]

He's got to pay. He's got to pay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric, you tell me you don't want to see old Stevie Berg with a perm.

[Eric]

It'd be amazing. Who's going to be a great move.

[Steve]

Does Eric not look like Michael Landon's buddy in that show about an angel?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh my God.

[Steve]

With the way he's dressed.

[Jake Johnson]

I would accuse you of subject changing if it weren't good.

[Steve]

That's so accurate.

[Eric]

I've never been more honored. I'm the biggest Victor French fan. Are you kidding?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Victor French killing it. He also said I look like Mike Rose, sidekick on Dirty Job Today.

[Steve]

You don't have any lines.

[Eric]

Well, he came out that minute. Was very quickly onto him getting a perm because I think he got a little too close to the bone there. Jacobus.

[Steve]

Jacobus.

[Eric]

No. Victor French is amazing. He. He. He played bad guys for years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, will you put that closer? Gareth? I don't know who he is.

[Steve]

Yeah, it's look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah, you do.

[Steve]

I mean it's shocking.

[Jake Johnson]

He used to wear like a sports hat. Like the. The call is incredible.

[Eric]

The. Yeah, I love something where he comes back from the dead to try to.

[Steve]

And he wore a Hawaii shirt a lot. I remember my grandma would have that show on and it made me uncomfortable.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like.

[Steve]

Michael's hair was weird. It was weird.

[Eric]

Oh, the heresy.

[Steve]

Are you.

[Eric]

You don't love highway to Heaven?

[Steve]

No, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What made you feel weird about it?

[Steve]

I think I thought it was like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a. Oh, I remember him for sure.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Does not not.

[Eric]

Yeah, that's Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's who you're competing with.

[Eric]

Eric the Range. He had Little House on the Prairie. Plus I watch a ton of me tv. He shows up all the time playing great bad guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Me tv.

[Eric]

You don't watch me tv.

[Steve]

Is that a made up like a network?

[Jake Johnson]

That. That sounds like what Steve's grandma had Victor French on when he was growing up.

[Eric]

Here. Me TV is my everyday. It's Gunsmoke, Hawaii 5. O the original Columbo. Late at night, we got Mannix.

[Steve]

Okay, I know. I know this phrase.

[Eric]

This gets thrown. All of it. It's the best.

[Steve]

People say this all the time. I'm sorry to interrupt.

[Jake Johnson]

Jerry, why do you have a pen?

[Eric]

I'm taking notes. Notes, Gareth. He's taking what notes?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Scribbles.

[Jake Johnson]

Scribbles.

[Steve]

Yeah. Well, if you could see what the pen has written so far would be. Look, the thing about Eric, a lot of people say, you know, I was born the wrong generation, man. He really was, though.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go on.

[Eric]

The last.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve]

That's all I have to say about that. I thought you guys were gonna. Yes. And to that.

[Eric]

Stand and jump on that grenade myself. Because it's true.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Still bothered by the pen? I'm bothered by the pen. The pen is strange. I don't know what. Like, it's like when I watch ESPN sometimes and it's like some, like, sports broadcaster has, like, a Sharpie in his hand. I'm like, buddy, just shut up. You know, just read. Not you, Steve.

[Steve]

When I do voiceover auditions, even in the studio, I always held a pen. And I think it's like I was an early Bob. I was thinking I was a Bob Dolphin as a kid, because remember, you always held the pen.

[Jake Johnson]

Abdullah is a show on me.

[Steve]

Tv, probably. Yeah.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric should have a pen.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

If anyone should have a pen, Eric should have a pen. Not you, Steve.

[Steve]

I agree. I'll put the.

[Jake Johnson]

Rob was a ghost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Poor jumping and so fast and so much. Steve, you used to have a pen at voiceover auditions. Because Bob Dole. Why do you carry.

[Steve]

No, I like to hold something. I feel like maybe that's where I put my. My. My nerves if I'm nervous. You know what I'm saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Steve]

It's nice to hold something, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the idea of dealing with. What do you do with. For nerves if you're doing. Do you get nervous with stand up anymore, Girth?

[Jake Johnson]

No. I did a show at the Comedy Store last night and that. I wasn't nervous, but I was like, this is a little different. But on the road. No. Nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

None.

[Jake Johnson]

No, really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like going to the stage from your hotel. Zero answer.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, I used to go on the road with this guy and I used to watch him before shows, sometimes nap, and then someone would wake him up and he'd be like, all right. He put his suit coat on and go on stage. And I'd be like, how does he do that? And I'm like, I could do that.

[Steve]

Really?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve]

I Get nervous for everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I get nervous for everything too.

[Steve]

Yeah, everything. Even, like, I'd self tape auditions in my basement. I did one earlier in the week and I was nervous for him. Like, why are you nervous, you dork?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I did a self tape for. During the pandemic for Dungeons and Dragons, that movie. And they were shooting in some eastern European country. I was so bored and I thought, like, man, just get me there. It was probably the worst thing I have ever done in my life and I've ever. I. When I sent it in, I knew I was. It was like I felt like I was sending a piece of dog across the mail. I'm like, I know when you get it, you. You can't be happy with it. I didn't have anybody reading with. So I would go like, we're going over to the ocean. Like, take a moment and be like whatever the. They're supposed to be saying, but they're not here. And I'm in my closet. This isn't acting. I'm just standing in a cloud. And then it'd be like, whoa. And then like react to a fight.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I was like, this is. No. Did you have to do moves?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had to do moves. I was like. And I was literally in this room before. It was a pod. I had like clothes behind me and I was just. I finished it and I literally. Sweater. I was like, I'll never do that again. That was doing moves. So I think going to a place makes sense.

[Steve]

It makes a lot of sense because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then you're at least. It feels like the old 200 South La Brea days.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, when we say 200 South La Brea, we should point out to everybody that that was basically the auditioning commercial hub.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

When you move to L. A. And we would go there and we would. All of us would audition for commercials each other. 10 studios, they would be doing 10 different. I mean, it was really how you cut your. How you made a living when you moved la.

[Steve]

I one time pulled up there. I'm not. This is. I'm not joking. It's amazing. And I pulled up to south of Bray. You were there almost every day back in the day. And as I'm getting out, I see Jake's little Hyundai. I'm like, oh, my man, this is going to be great. We'll walk in together. So I kind of pause and wait. And Jake doesn't see me. He pops out in prop glasses. Fake glasses.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, man. You have a character. That commercial was wearing glasses.

[Steve]

First off. First off, it Was gold for me. But I'm. I walk, I go, I go, you don't wear glasses. And he's like, yeah, I don't. But then like. But you know what? Immediately I respected the hustle. I'm like, you know what? That's. That's. That's the game, though. That was my commercial game back then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Game ever changes.

[Steve]

Look at him. Look at wories.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let me ask you a question. Do you like these? Cause they're all fake glasses, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

Why?

[Eric]

Wow.

[Steve]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

For what?

[Eric]

For those auditions.

[Steve]

You know, those. Those look nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You never know.

[Eric]

But what about. Do you have a pair of like, that could pass for like 50s glasses?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I wore them in the Swanberg movie.

[Steve]

I could see you a little more vintage. Look, can we get a taste?

[Jake Johnson]

Is that any Victor French's?

[Steve]

I like, put on the.

[Eric]

Victor French's personal property if it's up in auction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is going on with you? I hate these auctions.

[Eric]

E, you gotta embrace him. I'm now saving shit because it made Bill Walton's widow a fortune. David lynch, they weren't struggling, I bet a few years ago he had health stuff. Whenever it's health stuff. And like, they were worried it weren't their houses for sale.

[Jake Johnson]

But Eric, you're not doing it to support them as much as you are. You want the stuff, right?

[Eric]

I want Bill Walton's watch. I want to. I want to be at a Neil Young show and Bill Walton's tied. I. I'm sharing it with my buddy James Kirkland. Wait, a book called the Bill Walton Mysteries.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. By the way, great books, great books.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Didn't you also get Neil Young's couch or something?

[Eric]

I got that, but it is now my buddy Reg's garage because my wife did not want it. It wasn't even allowed in the barn. Yeah, I had two giant glorious seat chairs of Neil Young. I had his Nakamichi tape deck, which was like top of the line. And boy, I'm guessing it was hard to maintain in 1986.

[Jake Johnson]

I feel like I had to end.

[Eric]

Up selling this thing. It sound just amazing for about two songs. Then the tape would eat was. It was so frustrating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So are you still in your tape cassette phase? Remember when we went to the tape cassette phase?

[Eric]

I. They sound incredible. I. I'm convinced cheap tinny MP3s are a conspiracy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, your thoughts?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, first of all, I feel like I'm just reading off camera lines for Eric. But.

[Eric]

Hey, I rehearsed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I rehearsed Planet Earth, brother. The brand.

[Jake Johnson]

I've Never heard that argument. I've heard records, which I've never. I've never bought into the like. Oh, vinyl. I never bought into that. I think we have the way to listen to music right now that I'm most happy with. But even within that, I've never heard tapes be.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What. What is the. What do you suggest is the advantage?

[Eric]

Well, my argument against what you're saying, MP3s, are that they are cheap. Tinny. There's just a tiny amount of information in. You're missing so much good stuff. There's high resolution audio. You can definitely hear a difference. CD or cassette. So many of these great albums were recorded on tape originally. You listen to it. Yeah. There might be a hissing, but there's a warm, beautiful sound, every bit of it.

[Jake Johnson]

The hissing's the issue for me, but.

[Eric]

The hissing is an issue. But you get beyond that because you're finally getting your medicine. The way it's supposed to be, unadulterated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pure sound, but the hissing's in it.

[Steve]

I mean, it doesn't sound good.

[Eric]

Oh, dude, when I'm driving around Topanga Canyon with that cassette blasting, I'm not worried about that hissing.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you playing?

[Eric]

Getting the music.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you playing the cassette on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The instruments you don't hear because of the hits.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Steve]

I mean, you're gonna miss the bass.

[Eric]

But also, full disclosure, the other real thing they got to figure out is that the. Someone needs to make a modern cassette deck for the car.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I was gonna say, how are you?

[Eric]

Well, it always breaks, so then I have to get it pulled out. I take it to Mark Nazri at FET Electronics over there in Burbank. I get another one put in.

[Steve]

Eric's keeping the doors open there.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He tells his wife. He's like, I would have closed years ago. This guy drives with romances.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank God for Victor French.

[Eric]

Yeah. I'm Mark's highway to heaven. I'm keeping that thing going, man.

[Jake Johnson]

But you have a tape deck.

[Eric]

Is the DAT king.

[Jake Johnson]

You have a tape deck in your car.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then I also have an Oxford. So when the tape deck breaks, I do ox cord. And then I do that through title, which is high definition. I'm getting a lot more of the medicine that you're depriving yourself.

[Steve]

The medicine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Medicine is shocking.

[Eric]

The medicine of that thing.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like arguing. Feel it for lead pipes.

[Eric]

Records together as a country. We miss it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric, what are you talking about? We used to listen to records together as a country tree.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eric]

People would Sit in someone's living room and you throw on records and you.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We still do that at Derek Water's house. You want every Friday to go everybody's house and everyone just listens to a record. They were.

[Eric]

Yeah, you talk, you feel it. You start moving to the music. All of a sudden, whenever you're pissed off about it's going away, you're into.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The groove and what else happens, Bob.

[Eric]

You know, Puffer 2 of something, some Chinese takeout, you know, leaving incense on, forgetting about it, going to bed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, if I get a little gropey, don't blame me, man. It was the medicine man. When I hear the eagles come in, these fingers do a dancing. We as a society have moved away from this era, King.

[Eric]

How did you take listening to records to Bob Crane's radio tamper in the 60s and 70s? Dude. Projection City population.

[Steve]

You King.

[Eric]

A glorious, you know, wholesome thing and listening to records. Suddenly we're in Bob Crane's mid century living room and carpies coming through with cocktails. No, it could be a nice time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I've been in that barn.

[Steve]

Now.

[Eric]

That's right there. Yeah.

[Steve]

Eric's literally in a burn.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. That is.

[Steve]

And there the. There's the medicine on the wall.

[Jake Johnson]

That is nuts. That is. Those are.

[Eric]

That is nuts.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't believe you have a tape deck car.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah. We'll just drive around, you'll see what you think. We'll. We'll put the top down.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love to.

[Eric]

Topanga Canyon put the top down. Of course. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think he's asking me to go shirtless, which I'm okay with there.

[Eric]

Goddamn car, Jake. In the goddamn car. Which you're not rocking like you liked it so much at one point. You got a convertible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, hold on.

[Steve]

I thought you don't have a convertible. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't currently have a convertible.

[Eric]

Sure I do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which one?

[Eric]

The 1995 E320 Cabriolet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Steve]

You have a Cabriolet?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the Cherokee and then Justice Car.

[Eric]

That's what I thought I've had my baby is the white Mercedes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, never mind. Yeah, I'm wrong.

[Eric]

I thought you got rid of that guy the Jeep was sold on. Bring the trailer. And I've not missed it for once. I was telling you about this. In another world. Let's just be honest, gentlemen. The four of us would be holding down the lobby of a used car dealership for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm in the selling tennis machines right now.

[Steve]

What do you mean? What do you mean like a ball machine?

[Jake Johnson]

Get the pen.

[Steve]

You have a ball machine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a link to a ball machine guy.

[Jake Johnson]

You're trying to sell more than right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steven, shut up.

[Steve]

Yeah, really.

[Eric]

You're trying to sell tennis player.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric, you see how easy it is to sell something these days?

[Steve]

I am what you call a mark.

[Eric]

Yeah. You dangle the one thing and Steve. All of a sudden I come in. That looks. Eric. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All of a sudden, I get a text. Hey, forget this stupid podcast. Can we talk?

[Jake Johnson]

How many are looking to move, big guy?

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric]

What is going on? You're moving tennis machines. Hat on a hat. What the.

[Steve]

Seriously? But why do you. Why do you have multiple tennis ball machines?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, how many are you selling?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can never talk about the source, but I got an angle to tennis machines.

[Jake Johnson]

Talk about this a little more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Old tennis machines that were in a building that were going to get destroyed. And I said, store the tennis machines at my house. We'll figure out the next thing later.

[Jake Johnson]

How many? How many?

[Steve]

Serious? Are you being serious?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Steve]

How many?

[Gareth Reynolds]

As of. As of now, I have one with another on the way. But there could be four or five tennis machines.

[Steve]

What is happening? And you've never felt more alive in your life.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, he's so happy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Came home today. There was a tenant machine in my front yard from my buddy. Dropped off. And what I can't wait to do after this is plug it in and see how fast those things shoot. I got a net. I'm going right into the net with it.

[Steve]

Is that a prince? What kind is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think they're a little bit more old school. I don't know. It's at literally, like, tennis match.

[Steve]

Wow, that's awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's going to be some Groover going like this now. This is the place.

[Eric]

That's what I'm saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The reason is I don't want a bunch of guys buying my.

[Eric]

It's my it. Well, just put the stuff. Put the stuff away that you don't want. Like rap gifts. I don't wear those anyway. Most people aren't my size, but seeing how much those go for on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Auctions, I'm like, what?

[Eric]

Yeah. If you just started saving your rap.

[Jake Johnson]

Gifts, meaning your gifts after a project.

[Eric]

For the love of God, I'll take no judgment from a man with tennis machines in his backyard, in his garage, some of that space to save your rap gifs, your scripts, even write old Nikki Miller on a new girl thing. You know, save that shit. And then all of a sudden, when you Leave this mortal coil and it will be the darkest day ever. But you leave behind a pile of money for your loved ones.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Eric]

Want me to run the auction? I've done some preliminary paperwork. I need a signature from you and from Aaron. It's not a big thing. It's morbid. It's an act of love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you an auction guy, Steve?

[Steve]

No. I don't have the patience for that. You know, I'm not like, I, I'm not even, I'm, I'm, I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Steve likes when the person leaves this mortal coil. That's when he gets involved. That's when he's trying to find him. He's going looking.

[Steve]

Yeah. Just know this when, if one of you guys dies before me, I'll find you on the other side.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So you, Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, Steve. Because we know you're 50. 50. Do you really believe that I, that.

[Steve]

I could find you? No, I don't. But I believe that there's a chance I could through divination and some talented mediums. I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so let's say we'll make a little pact right now. One of us passes.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steve, your driving point. What do you do?

[Steve]

The first thing I do is there's a woman named. Gosh, the name is escaping me. But she lives in Denver, Colorado.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a bad start. Without question, not a good start.

[Steve]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

He doesn't know who the first step is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'll find you as soon as I can find the name of this.

[Jake Johnson]

I just gotta, I, I, I wrote it somewhere around here, but I have my pen ghost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you can't find a woman.

[Eric]

He was building to that. I, I was riveted.

[Steve]

Thank you.

[Eric]

I riveted.

[Steve]

Thank you, Eric.

[Jake Johnson]

Riveted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the hissing of your cassette.

[Steve]

I believe her name is. It's, it's, it's, it's Rebecca something, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that'll help.

[Eric]

See, it's Rebecca something.

[Steve]

Yeah, yeah. Something is finished. I would contact her and she has had a lot of success with, with people I know, my friend. Joey and Leo both have used this woman to contact their parents. And some undeniable stuff has happened.

[Eric]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walk us, please. Yeah.

[Steve]

Well, these are kind of personal stories.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody knows their last name. Joey and Leo.

[Steve]

Okay. Okay, I'll give you one. One is that they were told that I will show up. They're like, look for dimes. It was his dad saying this to him. And he woke up the next morning, his. No one else in the family heard this. And there was a stack of dimes next to his alarm clock.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Rebecca put him there.

[Steve]

Rebecca broke into his house and put him there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's insane logic.

[Jake Johnson]

Or that his dad was like, here's a stack of dimes, boy.

[Steve]

Well, there's a phenomenon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If a woman endeavor broke into the house to leave dimes, I believe that.

[Jake Johnson]

More than the dad went to ghost bank.

[Steve]

But there is a bit of. There is a long historical precedence of a thing called the airport, and that is things materializing out of nothing and falling from the sky. And oftentimes it manifests in the shape of coins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please explain that. I've never heard that before.

[Steve]

So people will be sitting in their. Sitting in their house. And also, like, weird coins from, like, 300 years ago will, like, fall. Just fall out of the air and land the coffee table. What was called an airport.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it comes from nothing. It's just created, but it's from also another time and another country.

[Steve]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why?

[Steve]

I don't know that, buddy. We live in a weird world. I don't think we understand the nature of reality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then why isn't it just a new random nothing coin?

[Steve]

I don't pretend to understand what the supernatural represents, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know if you're gonna be the best to hunt Jake after or whoever it is after.

[Steve]

I'm way more qualified than you, Gareth.

[Eric]

Jake, the ghost will be taking dimes.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Eric]

My watch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you go to one. If you go to. What's her name, Rebecca, she'll go, watch out for dimes. Literally, watch out for your dimes.

[Jake Johnson]

Watch out, everyone. Watch your dimes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Watch everything that's valuable. He's found a way to sell it on ghost ebay.

[Jake Johnson]

He took. He's taking tennis machines.

[Steve]

I see a Hungarian man. He's not coming into focus, but he's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here from a tennis.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that a tennis machine?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you hear it's for sale.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a portal on the wall. I'm trying to move two tennis machines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hulu. Make it a New Girl summer on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus This summer, folks, it's time to watch New Girl on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. There's nothing like going back to the beginning and seeing Jess and Old Nick meet for the first time, watching Schmidt chase after Cece and laughing along with coaches and Winston's shenanigans. And then go back to this show and listen to all the episodes where they're on it because they're on this podcast and they're on a new girl on Hulu. And just about every guest star is here too. All the laughs, all the hijinks and all the fun, they're all waiting for you to stream. So make it a New Girls Summer stream on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. Make it a new Girl summer streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. Introducing the new Dell AI PC powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor. It's not just an AI computer. It's a computer built for AI. That means it's built to help do your busy work for you. So you can fast forward through editing.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the easiest and best way to make your own professional website. I've done it. Gareth has done it. The show has done it. If you are a fan of this show, and I know you are, because you're listening to the ads and you're thinking about starting a website, go to squarespace.com and try it.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Steve]

Yeah, back to the 10th machines so how did this come about? Like, how did you agree to be like, the. The. Like, someone's like, I don't do these test machines. And naturally, we all know that Jake loves the art of a sale. I mean, loves it. And you know what? And, Godbus, you are talented.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, by the way. So Eric is a king. This started with the king over there.

[Steve]

You both are very, very good at this. I'm me. Probably not so much. But how did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you not a good salesman, Gareth?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think I would keep. I think if someone was like, hey, I found tennis machines, I would be like, okay, but how about entice me in any way?

[Gareth Reynolds]

In another world, we don't have showbiz, right? And we are all standing on a Lincoln lot and we are selling Lincolns.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've got a huge area and one of us is the owner and we all go, here's what we do, Jake. Whoever. Thank you. Whoever sells the most units gets a huge bonus.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, I'm in on that.

[Steve]

Yeah, of course.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm. And I'm. And I'm handing out my phone number to clients when I shouldn't be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. As car salesman.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Steve]

We've had some complaints here.

[Jake Johnson]

What about someone had sex in the back of another one of these cars. I don't know. We're gonna figure out who did it, but I don't know. It wasn't me.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At this moment, I'm unsure.

[Jake Johnson]

At this moment, my investigation has led me nowhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, what would be your style of dress and your style of sales on the lot?

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, there'd definitely be sunglasses inside and outside side. There'd be a pinky ring. I'd go with a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There really would be a pinky ring.

[Jake Johnson]

There'd be a pinky ring. Wow. It's a sign of a professional. There definitely would be a shirt. I would. I. I kind of picture us in the 70s or 80s for some reason. So I'm gonna live in that. The shirt will be open, there'll be a kerchief, and I. I dare I.

[Steve]

Say it, white dust around your nose.

[Jake Johnson]

Definitely.

[Steve]

Garrett, as a cur, have such a bad cocaine problem, I just snorted my profits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Y disease imaginable. 24. 7. He's like this, your guys dick's on fire and they itch. And we'd go, no, you have a disease, man. I don't know what's going on with these new Chryslers. It makes my dick itch.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, hey. Does anyone else's dick fall off when they took a pee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn. I had a Diet Coke the other day, and I pissed blood.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell you what, I don't know what. I'm done with Diet Cokes.

[Steve]

Unrelated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, so what are we calling you in that deal?

[Jake Johnson]

Huge pick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you would. You would go full on. You would just lean into.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I know what I'm doing. I'm here. I'm not pretending. I'm a real.

[Steve]

You'd have a perpetual black eye too. Or.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm doing well. That's why I got the glasses on. Plus a toothpick. And my name would be Raj.

[Steve]

You'd be getting hit by a lot of husbands.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Steve]

How you punching.

[Jake Johnson]

I was never here, and then I jump in the back of a cat patty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But in terms of sales, how you doing with sales?

[Jake Johnson]

Pretty good. Pretty good. I've had better years, but I'm pretty good. I'm doing good. I mean, I. I've had better years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In fantasy world, you're starting on a down year.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not. Yeah, in our fantasy. In our fantasy, my better years are behind me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

But I don't know that I got you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you're still selling hard.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're still making moves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your technique?

[Eric]

Technique?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I definitely have a different technique with men and women. We know that.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. I definitely like. Okay to the man. I definitely like. You know, this is my favorite car on the lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty good.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what I start with. With the guy. And with the woman. Again, we're in the 70s. It's a different era.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody's gonna get mad at you.

[Jake Johnson]

So this is. This is. This is me. This is me that, you know, not only would you look beautiful in that car, you always look beautiful outside of it. Hi, my name is Raj. I work here at Lincol. I would love to talk to you about some of these vehicles. Take a roam around the lot. I'll be over there. If you need me, let me know. I really want to take care of you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not bad. Steve, you. You on the lot, what are we thinking?

[Steve]

Oh, oh, this is crystal clear to me, Jake. I have a gray suit with a salmon shirt. I'm more of, like, a 1998 guy. The suit is too tight in the hopes that I'm always trying to lose weight. I'm like, I will, I will. I bought the suit a size too small. I'm gonna fit it into it, and I. I am a gunning heart because I have a kid on the way, and I'm really excited about that. I go to. I go to church. I'm very involved in the community. You go to church in this scenario? Yeah, I'm going with killing, with kindness. Real sweetheart thing. And I bring brownies in, like a Tupperware. And every client like, hey, here you go.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's a little brownie just for you.

[Steve]

I, I, I end up eating a lot of them. That's why I'm having a hard time getting in that suit. And I. But I am wearing that suit. It's really tight in the butt and a little short, shorten the ankles. But I'm doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys see back, baby.

[Steve]

I'm doing better than I ever have, though, because I'm so motivated with the kid on the way, and so I'm really killing it. And it's like, hey, how you doing? Welcome. Huh? Oh, what are you guys doing for the fourth of July? Oh, you got a family? Well, this is a great family car, and let me tell you why, you know? So I would go kill him with kindness. They're like, hey, this guy. We should invite him over. Thanks, guys. Giving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what do you think of Raj?

[Steve]

Who's Raj?

[Jake Johnson]

Who the you think Raj is?

[Steve]

Who's wrote Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth character.

[Steve]

I do not like the Gareth character at all. Like, I feel like I don't like your character either. Well, I also brought. I, I brought my wife to a mixer, and he was handsy.

[Jake Johnson]

My way of expressing.

[Steve]

And he's been handsy with me a couple times at Christmas parties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, Steve, what'd he do? He touched that juicy butt of your.

[Steve]

He kept on pinching my butt and called me as a goof. Played a meatloaf.

[Jake Johnson]

It's the locker room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, King, who are you on this lot?

[Eric]

I think I. It's pre Internet, so I probably lied about being a former professional athlete. I think I wear a suit that I can either dress up or dress down. If it's someone, like, conservative coming in, I think I tighten up that tie. Take off any jewelry, it goes the other way. Let down, let the chest hair out. You know, really, it's not about cars. It's about friendship. It's about meeting people along the way. If you can get them in transportation from point A to point B, that's awesome. All the money stuff kind of works itself out. That's not why I'm here. Like, you know, I was once someone that had had trouble with cars, and now I can help people.

[Jake Johnson]

In reality, though, is that the true motivation? What's the guy like behind that mask? If it is A mask.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So blurry. Raj. He doesn't even know anymore.

[Eric]

Raj. Yeah, A long time ago. It's just a bunch of gray area.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Eric]

Streaks of black, streaks of white, but just the gray.

[Steve]

I'll tell you what. Jake's is so easy, because I'll just. I'll just say, as is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You tell me, Steve.

[Steve]

As is.

[Eric]

No notes.

[Steve]

Who doesn't agree with me? Come on, you don't have to put him in another era, another city, another time. It's just like error would do.

[Jake Johnson]

You got notes, Eric?

[Eric]

No notes.

[Jake Johnson]

No notes.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Steve]

Drop. Drop Jake in 1957 and drop him in 2049. It is very the same.

[Jake Johnson]

Remember, this whole conversation started because Jake is selling tennis machines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly. So.

[Eric]

Right.

[Steve]

This is. That's not a bit.

[Eric]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake is actively selling tennis machines.

[Steve]

Yeah. We're all going to get thrilled.

[Eric]

I will be involved somehow. There'll be someone come over to look at tennis machines. I come over for 10 minutes fake looking tough, then I'm gonna have the lunch of a lifetime.

[Steve]

Yeah. Or you should. Eric will come over as a potential buyer.

[Eric]

Start bidding the guy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's great.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fun.

[Eric]

This is SR5300. We're only asking 65. Whoa. Is this 1994? Hold on. I got a truck. I got a truck. Hold on. And then all of a sudden, the VW's on.

[Steve]

The BW.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta say, I love us in a car dealership.

[Jake Johnson]

I do, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His team in a car dealership.

[Jake Johnson]

We got it all.

[Steve]

We move units.

[Jake Johnson]

Diverse.

[Steve]

Too diverse. Diverse approaches.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Eric, I told you I was driving today. I went to the dentist. Steve.

[Steve]

Dr. K. And is Tony still there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tony still there?

[Steve]

Oh, she's. She's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steve and I shared the same dentist. Steve, will you do the doctor The. The Tony call?

[Steve]

Hey, this is Tony. Steve, I just want to remind you, have a. You have a cleanup on next Wednesday on the 14th. We'll see you there. Bye. Bye. She is lovely. I really. I really like her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And I drove by the Great Rice Walk.

[Eric]

Oh. Big up to Nancy and Paul Canyon. And more park friends.

[Steve]

That's great. Chinese.

[Eric]

More meals there than anywhere else in my life. They were like family to a young Jake and I. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No to you. They never.

[Eric]

Had a bachelor apartment. I didn't have a. I didn't have a kitchen. So they had this lunch special of like 5.95695. And boy, kept me fed and happy.

[Steve]

Didn't you see John Goodman there?

[Eric]

Yeah, that's how it all started. Was my Buddy from improv class said he had a Chinese restaurant by his house and he saw John Goodman in there. And I went, which one? Rice Walk, corner of Laurel Canyon, Moorpark. It's far from you. You probably won't ever see go. I mean, I just started going there, how it started. Yeah. Cuz John Goodman ate there because not. You knew it was going to be a good meal. I'm like, there's no way this isn't awesome. If John Goodman is eating at a strip mall Chinese place on Mor park and Laurel Canyon, I'm.

[Steve]

It's a good review. It's a good review.

[Eric]

I've been there for over 20 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never been in a place where the people love a customer more than they loved Eric. And I'm not kidding, there's a lot of people we all know who are, like, friendly to staff and want to be liked. We all know that type. It's different.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric is like a family member. And when you said. He said you and me were. It wasn't that way. When Eric's in the bathroom, I'm a customer. We're in some lady's house, there just happens to be strangers there too. But it does feel. When we go in, he's like, hey, Nancy. We sit down, we get a table. Then for some reason I'm like, there's three other people sitting here. I don't know why they're in Nancy's house. House. But I'm here with Eric. And they adore you, dude.

[Eric]

They're family. They're special, special people.

[Jake Johnson]

How does that start, Eric? How does it go from just being a customer to getting to that point? You're obviously breaking the ice. But what. How does that start?

[Eric]

Just going in there all the time and being so happy about how good the food was. And to me, it felt like a win that my life was eating strip mall Chinese. These, you know, four or five times a week. I'm like, I got veggies. I got. I got everything I need in this meal. And then we just all got very friendly. And then I'd start meeting people there, like. And then hilariously one time, everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth.

[Steve]

Oh, yeah. So I went there a thousand times with them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every time. It was. If you wanted to be with Eric at a certain time. You went to Rice Walk. It was not close to anybody.

[Steve]

No, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a legit, legitimate. I'm not trying to exaggerate here. 20 minute drive from anywhere we all lived.

[Steve]

Yeah, easy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

20 minutes at least.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And parking's a nightmare.

[Steve]

It's a nightmare. It's tiny. It's a tiny place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I will say this, and this is going to be controversial. I think the food's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Judas.

[Eric]

Judas. Just saying that about rice Walker for a fucking pile podcast for one person in Greenland.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric turning red.

[Eric]

It's incredible food. It is made with love.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you think that's true, Eric? Fully. You think it is?

[Eric]

Oh, yeah. I think it's like soul food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's made with a big believer that if it's made with love, it's different. Isn't that true? I'm not selling you out here.

[Eric]

I think that certain I would defer to Steve as a chef, but I think certain cooking the soul absolutely comes.

[Steve]

To through Explain what that means is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If Steve is a chef.

[Eric]

Yeah, Steve's a chef.

[Jake Johnson]

Steve actually burned a chicken on a podcast we did with him once on this show.

[Steve]

That was not my fault. Steve, are we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric, are we now claiming that Steve Berg's a chef?

[Eric]

Hell yes. He is making incredible red sauce.

[Steve]

I did. And my. My red sauce is.

[Eric]

Are you serious? Berg cooks some of the most incredible meals I've. He puts his soul into it. God damn it.

[Steve]

I do, I do, I do. Get Gareth and a little bit of weed.

[Jake Johnson]

I. Look, this, this is all. It's all just minorly. It's minorly tainted by the fact that you think the best way to listen to music is on a cassette tape. It's just.

[Eric]

No, no, records are still better. But I'll take cassette over a tinny MP3, a good quality cassette anytime.

[Jake Johnson]

It makes me. It makes me think like if I were to be eating like Steve's pasta and be like, oh, there's like a hair in this. Eric could go, he's working hard for you, brother.

[Eric]

Yeah, it's not permed yet. We're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or if the chicken was just like pretty good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It would be like, wow.

[Jake Johnson]

He cooked it. He overcooked it because he wanted to make sure it was perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What makes it. Look at how mad Eric's Candy Salmonella.

[Steve]

Kills 114,000 people a year.

[Eric]

Well, that does remind me. I went to this place, it was like a Thai pop up, real hip and. And it was early on weed days where like they were stoners making stoner food. Supposed to be incredible flavor. I went there and we cut into the chicken and it is pink all throughout. Not you're for stoners everywhere. You're giving us just a death sentence on two plates here, friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wait, Eric, what's your Mike Tyson story Speaking of stoners.

[Eric]

Oh, didn't you just tell me a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great Mike Tyson story?

[Eric]

Yeah, well, it was one of those. I love to go to this place called Mr. Charlie, and it is McDonald's, but vegan.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Eric]

I mean, it is incredible food.

[Steve]

Is that the place in Koreatown?

[Eric]

No, it's on La Brea, just south of Melrose. They know me.

[Steve]

Okay.

[Eric]

And you go in there, you can. It's that visceral feeling of eating McDonald's I haven't had in like, you know, 15 years or whatever. And I get emotional, and I love it. Well, one day they announced in their Instagram that they're new. New co owner was coming in and serving their new ice cream, and it was Mike Tyson. What? So I got in the car, went down there. I was kind of thinking about maybe going down there anyway, and then went down there, and there's a little line. And then soon this van pulls up, the van door opens, this smell of weed goes up and down La Brea, probably made it to 200 South. And then Mike Tyson gets out of this van van, and he's sitting there and he's so wonderfully stoned. And then he gets in there and he's just kind of standing behind the counter. And I see him like, hey, hey, Mike. Honored to meet you. And then the other guys in there that know, like, hey, he's a regular. And I was like, I come in all the time, Mike. I think it's awesome you bought in. And then he was just barely interacting with anybody. But then I decided to push my luck. I'm like, mike, will you take a picture with me and put your fist. And he kind of looks at me.

[Steve]

You asked him that?

[Eric]

He nods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is just recently, too.

[Eric]

Yeah, I have the. I have the picture. We'll post on the socials. This is like last month. And then I'm smiling toward the camera, and then I have that brief moment where he came in, and he came in just a tiny bit hard. Not in any way that would hurt me, but I had that feeling where I'm like, Mike Tyson's fist is pressing in on my beard right now. And then he smiled. He was cool. And I went. Went on my way with my. With my vegan Big Mac. And it was a pretty cool, weird day. That's what I. I love about this town. You'll log online and see something crazy's happening that day, and then you go, go get to do it.

[Jake Johnson]

You funny. I won't. I'll be like, that'll be fun. For Eric.

[Eric]

Well, you're getting these bad MP3s, man. We're boosting your passion with cassettes now. It's all starting here. You're medicine G. We're going to have a time. We're going to go to the Coral Reef.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eric]

On Glendale Boulevard, right by tg. That part, it's awesome. It's very, very good. That's my new.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not really, really good.

[Eric]

I promise you, Jake, I've. When was the last time you were there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Years ago. I will admit that.

[Eric]

Get their vegetables. I get their vegetables. Guarantee they didn't get new shots under 10 bucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same owners.

[Eric]

They were fine. Hey, we're all on a path to better. We're all on a path to better. This is what he does.

[Jake Johnson]

This is madness. Well, you, you can't really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like proof on this place. It's like punching water restaurant where one of the tables has like weird old newspapers on it that you're like, well, you just got stacks of papers here and they kind of just also live in the restaurant.

[Eric]

That means it's going to be great. Are you the same as if you go and there's an A on there? I'm like, it's going to be some sterile AI cooking. That's the new thing. There's a restaurant where it's. It's Chinese classics cooked by robots. But that's like general, so. Yeah, but I'm worried. I'm worried.

[Jake Johnson]

But if you see a letter, if I see an A grade in the window, I'm like, ah, good, they got a clean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what he said. He said it's A. I didn't understand. Understand what?

[Steve]

No, here's A.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are less excited. That just means it's a.

[Eric]

B means A. B means we're about to really eat. A B means we're about to go there.

[Jake Johnson]

Not according to the health inspector.

[Eric]

Well, I don't, I, I don't care about that.

[Steve]

They're not playing by the rules.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They got an F. They got rats, brother.

[Steve]

I'll tell you what, this is not a joke. Eric used to take me to this place that had this really special tie dish called the Couch Soy. And the first time we went, it had C in the door in the window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, ah, a C. Pass.

[Steve]

Yes. And Eric was like, it's fine. It's good. They got a bad deal. They got a raw deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's the raw deal? They got filthy kitchen cock. Ain't a rad deal, man. Those are.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, brother. When you said that they Got a raw deal. Did you have any insight into the reality of why they got a raw, raw deal?

[Eric]

I've just, I've worked for a place and gotten a place shut down by the health department before. I know how that goes. One bad employee can do it like, you know, at the end. But you, it's all politics.

[Jake Johnson]

You didn't know that they specifically got a raw deal.

[Eric]

You were just like, I didn't want to ask them. I trust them. I'm sure it was a raw deal. Are you getting the bureaucracy of this city?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Eric]

Oh, man.

[Steve]

We just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something pretty big.

[Eric]

Two, you know, Two, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What restaurant did you get shut down, Eric?

[Eric]

I got Pizza Baker Bella shut down. On.

[Steve]

Did you really? Corner jokes right in the velvet crotch of Hollywood.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah. Well, I was working at Starbucks. This is right around when I first met Jake. And then I, you know, Starbucks and I were not along fit after maybe 10 months. It was like by mutual agreement that, that I would phase out.

[Jake Johnson]

He was fired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never heard somebody say I got fired. And it was by mutual agreement.

[Eric]

Well, I was working with Mike Toralo and Tom Mesmer and once I figured out that like it was like a mid afternoon shift, no one was there. That like inside a iced coffee cup, Guinness looked just like iced coffee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, keep going.

[Eric]

We were all drinking.

[Jake Johnson]

It was, it was starting to feel less mutual.

[Eric]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do we get the mutual king?

[Eric]

Somebody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're getting drunk at Starbucks.

[Eric]

Okay, I, I, I was buzzed. I wouldn't say I was drunk. Somebody stole our tips. And I, I grabbed the guy and I got written up for that. I'm like, but they keep stealing our tips. You're not recompensating us. I did get the guy. I did not hurt him. I got him from behind. He dropped the tips. You're not going to pay us back. Us through that story, Jack, that is exactly what happened. I was written up for not using my star skills because the guy grabbed our tips and then I was right there. And we had been trained to just let him go, but they weren't reimbursing our T tips, which was like an extra two to three bucks an hour. So he was right there and I was like this in one kind of bear paw. I got him. He dropped the tips, went on the ground, then he freaked, ran away. And then I was, you know, for a conquering hero for about four or five minutes. And then I got, taken him back, told, you can't touch customers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There are chances. There are chances. A little bit of a Misunderstanding.

[Eric]

Could have been sure. Could have been sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Might have got on top of you.

[Eric]

Well, I will say this. If you're a problematic customer in those days and you didn't treat me like a human being, the irony of all that is you are going to get decaf. And that's what I'll say now to all those people. If you're rude to your barista, you're getting decaf. Or vice versa. Truly. As it should be. As it absolutely should be.

[Jake Johnson]

Watching Eric figure out the phone on his computer has been enjoyable, too.

[Eric]

Grandpa finally had to get a new phone. It's so fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Annoying while saying, you're getting decaf. Truly. Because you didn't treat me like a human.

[Jake Johnson]

And then what?

[Eric]

So then.

[Jake Johnson]

And then how did it become a mutual party?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So you're drunk.

[Eric]

The manager, Mike Butler, he was a really cool, great guy. You know, Christopherson show together later. But there was some sneaking around from the Pizza Bella next door. What was. I was more their vibe, perhaps. I was, you know, like Tom Cruise and cocktail. I was my own rules. I wasn't made to wear that green apron. I was made to go to Pizza Bella to make pizza for drunk people after the Hollywood Bowl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what happened when Tommy Cruz went to the pizza place?

[Eric]

Tommy Cruz was great at it. You just had Mark Gaglia already got me the job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He didn't shut down the pizza place. Yeah.

[Eric]

Then he got cast in a play. I learned to throw pies. I was pretty good. And then Mark got cast into play. He got fired because he said there was an oven malfunction. Malfunction. So I'm now closing at night and opening. I'm closing at night and opening. At which point I had the epiphany for my eight, eight, nine bucks an hour. I was eating a lot of free goat cheese and premium toppings. Who am I cleaning for?

[Jake Johnson]

Give him the C letter grid.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah. If I'm closing at night and I'm opening the next morning, that dough is still just going to be on the floor. And guess what? There's going to be more DOA coming. So then I just kind of quit cleaning at night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's gonna be more DOA coming.

[Eric]

Yeah. So I showed up one day and there is the health department tape everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Eric]

And the manager's like, you know, and they only have. He's negotiating only at the pizza place taped off, not the whole thing. And he's like, oh, he's the fucking idiot who closed last night. I'm like, well, what do you mean? Let's parse this out. And he's like, they got 67 digital pictures of rat. There are all these. There are all these violations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So if there's. Hold on, Eric. If there's all this rat, that's just not one night. If the DOE's on the ground, there's more DOA coming. How filthy was this place?

[Eric]

There was, like, this outside area with the corridor that was technically also supposed to be cleaned. I viewed it more like an alley, and then the rats then view it more as a home. So inside the place proper, it was decent. And I would clean it a couple times a week at the end. But, like, no reason to bleach up this floor. One of the absolute. Oh, yeah. And that was the end of my time there. But I had a hilarious moment because I. I really did learn to throw this pizza. It was all undocumented work workers. Two Canadians named Scumbag and Junior. Okay, an undocumented South African, then two undocumented Guatemalans. But the. The undocumented Canadian. His name's Scumbag Dave deroche. Brilliant guy. He worked with me for a while. I would do stuff, and I'd come.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Back, best Chinese food in the nation.

[Jake Johnson]

C letter grade is good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have to get Bill Walton.

[Steve]

Socks, James, are where it's at.

[Jake Johnson]

You want the hissing on the tape?

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Eric]

And Dave would give me a note on something to do, and I'd go back into it and come back enthusiastic. I thought I did a good job. And he'd look at me kind of funny. And then one day, he went to our Second City show. Jake, this is my friend, okay? And I could tell there's something afterward. He really needed to get out to me, and I worked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Scumbag.

[Eric]

Scumbag. And I'm like. We were in the muck together, working, pulling these shifts. He's like. He came up. He's like, big man, I'm sorry. I just have to talk to you. I'm just so happy. Happy. And I'm like, what's. What's going on, Scumbag? He's like, you are actually good at this. He's like, I think you're going to have a career at this. Because I've been so worried about what was going to happen to you after working shifts with you at Pizza Bella. I think there's something up there that's. And I'm just so happy you can act. I leave here happy. And now he's. He's a firefighter in Canada. But he had to have that moment where after work with me, you legit thought something was very wrong with me.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, well, considering.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Considering that you were leaving. Leaving the. It's just the pizza Bella ending story is. It's very interesting to hear your take on how to be the employee like you. The duties that they told you to do, which is the job, essentially. You started to view what did you think mattered, and that seems to be what got Pizza Bella shut down outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like it was garbage. You just threw pizza on the ground and rats ate it.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't. Yeah, it was an alley. You thought it was an alley.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They viewed it as an area that needed to be cleaned. You saw a differently. You just threw garbage there, dude.

[Steve]

Well, you know, there. There's. There's Eric now and Eric pre. Jess. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what's the difference?

[Steve]

A massive difference.

[Jake Johnson]

There is a big difference.

[Steve]

A massive difference. Thank God for that woman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you could take a guy out of the pizzeria, but you can't take the pizzeria. My ch. He puts on a nice face for that wife of his and things are going good. She's the same rat inside. I'm still selling tennis machines. G is still running around the lot as Raj, and your juicy ass is trying to sell cars.

[Steve]

Steve, we are who we are.

[Eric]

Yeah, we could change as much as.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We can change, but there's not that much farther from Eric throwing pizza dough up, going like this. It's the rats, Joe. Now, brother.

[Eric]

They are.

[Jake Johnson]

I view it as an alley.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I view it as an alley. Is incredible. It's not an alley.

[Steve]

And this is what Victor French doesn't have.

[Eric]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Eric]

World War II. I. I believe he was in the Purple Hearts. And that's the thing. If we're competing against, like, Charles Durning and those we're not.

[Steve]

They'Re dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are 100 now. Gareth is 100% right.

[Eric]

All right. I leave hearten. I'm glad. I trust Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think it's great. It's great to have. It's great that you. You. You view our ancestors. But you're okay. We're okay. We're doing good. We're all right.

[Steve]

Eric's biggest AI Concerns that I heard today were that they're going to take our acting jobs. Not like a computer, but it's going to be old actors. And. And two, that is Chinese food is going to be cooked by robots.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Ernie Borg.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stevie, what's your biggest fears coming up? If Eric is afraid that dead actors are going to take it to work and robots are going to cook our.

[Steve]

Chinese food in terms of. In terms of AI.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, just in terms. In terms of goofiness. I know that that's real, Eric, and I hear it. I hate.

[Jake Johnson]

I hear it, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hate seeing that there's a robot diner in Pasadena, Sedena, and people are lining up, being like, it flips my burgers.

[Eric]

What the.

[Jake Johnson]

Who cares? You're gonna fake punch your face?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I. I am not into this. I'm like, no, I don't like it either now. But, Stevie, what are the ones that jump out to you? Where. Where's your head at? Where do you.

[Steve]

Well, I don't want to get too dark, so I'll try to think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not getting political.

[Eric]

You're an expert on this. You're an absolute expert.

[Steve]

An expert and a chef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What else, Izzy? And I'm a professional athlete.

[Steve]

Thanks, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a 5, 10, professional athlete with a broken body.

[Eric]

Could have been. Could have been.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, my fat ass can barely get up. I'm obese. Eric, now you just. The scan says mops.

[Jake Johnson]

God damn it. No way. We got to finish that story before we go today, okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I want. I got. I want to hear Stevie's, and I want to hear yours, too.

[Steve]

My biggest immediate fear, like, of the day is that there is a. A potential very severe storm moving in with, you know, tornadoes, heavy winds, hail, and that is going to destroy the hours I put into my vegetable garden.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's going on with that garden? What are you growing?

[Steve]

I got six tomato plants. A bunch too many tomatoes, maybe too many. A bunch of little tomato plants, a couple eggplant plants, hot peppers. I got habanero serranos. I got lettuces. I got zucchini.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Having a nice touch with that soil.

[Steve]

I'm pretty good. I'm. I. I know. Honestly, I'm pretty good. I spent a lot of time. I go in the evenings. I, you know, listen to jazz music, take a little Tokyo token out there pruning my things. I love it. I have, like, a mentor, too, a neighbor mentor, who's this artist old hippie guy named Colin who's great. And he's like, eric is dying. I hand. I hand him a beer across the fence, and we sit there, have a beer together. Eric loves it.

[Eric]

Eric is fired up to me. Colin.

[Steve]

Yeah. You would love Colin. Colin's great.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah.

[Steve]

But. So I'm very worried. I'm very concerned right now that my garden is going to get pummeled today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'd be a nightmare.

[Steve]

It Was it would happen one year. That'll work.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you want to hear mine? You don't want to hear mine, Jake. You know, mine are bad. Mine are bad. Mine are dark. Mine are darker than anyone's.

[Steve]

Well, keep it on a level. That's not.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's here.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I mean, we can see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We see if we can crawl our way out of it.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it's going to be I there. I mean, there's a lot going on as far as, like, natural disasters in America, the heating all over the world. I'm like, this is not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kid, are you still not flying because.

[Jake Johnson]

Of COVID I don't. It's not. I don't know. I fly and it's not because of COVID that I don't fly. I don't fly because. Hate flying. And it's easier for me to tour the way I want to tour in a van, which is not great either. But flying is getting worse and worse. It's not like the experience of flying is not getting any better. Won't get any better. I really don't miss it.

[Steve]

I've seen sometimes it's van. I. His tour van is amazing. By the way. It has a. Eric will like this. It has a hot plate. You can.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

[Steve]

I thought I had a hot plate.

[Jake Johnson]

You were talking about the old. The old setup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Van is interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

The whole. Well, by the way, we're talking about maybe doing like, mobile home. We're thinking.

[Steve]

I love an rv, man. I love an rv. RV is a. Jake, I can see you in an rv. I'm. I'm. I'm pretty. It's going to happen.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a way to do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is, but it depends on Gareth if you have a place to park it at home.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, well, we do have. Yeah, yeah, no, we have. We have somewhere where we could definitely park it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have to pay for that all the time? Okay, then you're golden.

[Jake Johnson]

Dave could park it. Dave would take.

[Steve]

Oh, really, dude, you got to an RV with a fridge, you keep a cold pizza.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What would be the downside of getting. I took an RV up to Van Vancouver during the pandemic. I had a job up there and I got right. I got an rv. We went up to there. It drove from here to Van. It was the best.

[Steve]

How. How was driving it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's big.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But once you get in the groove, what's really fun about it is you'd be in bumper. We got stuck in A storm. We were in bumper to bumper traffic and I literally just turned the car off, went back, took a piss, came back, turned the car on, kept driving.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a crazy feeling. I love my wife was there like.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm like going to the bathroom. I was wife's like, idiot. I'm like, give me a second. Live through a couple of honks. Babe, we're not pulling live. Fine, watch me up. The boat keeps going, we're golden. What's stopping you on this rv? Cuz you got shooters here who could help look for one.

[Eric]

Would you get used?

[Jake Johnson]

No, we used and not much is stopping us. We're starting to really think about the difference is like when I go do standup, the club pays for the hook hotel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So like for my stuff for that. Well not necessarily, but the dollop ones, we pretty much book our hotels on our own, so that's where we go. Okay, well there we're just saving money.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How big is it gonna be? Because a lot of them have one bed.

[Jake Johnson]

It would be, the ones we've been looking at are definitely at least two bed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So pretty big.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, big.

[Steve]

Oh man. Would it have a fridge in there?

[Jake Johnson]

Of course, that's that. My van has a fridge in it. You're hung up on the fridge. Fridge technology. You could have a fridge in your car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steve, Right Now, Steve, if you need.

[Steve]

A personal chef on the tour, look no further than old Steve O here.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, do you have anyone who would endorse you? I, I don't know.

[Steve]

I, I, I need a recommendation.

[Eric]

Right.

[Steve]

Thank you. There's my boy right here.

[Eric]

Man knows his way around sesame oil.

[Steve]

Yeah, that's true, I do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've been going for over an hour. Let's get out of here.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, wait, Jake, finish the story about the art the scan in the van. You didn't finish that from the last session. You were going to get a scan in a van.

[Eric]

Oh yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I go, I'm going to do it more often too. It was, I highly don't recommend it and recommend it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cuz you can't hide from numbers.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh boy.

[Steve]

And he's been saying that since he was 2. Those are the first words out of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His mouth after I, I did my first breastfeeding. The first words were, you can't hide from number.

[Jake Johnson]

That's Jake on the car lot with us. You can't have the numbers, but you just can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so I've been lifted. You know, I'm getting Stronger. I feel pretty good. We both know Eric and I are going with Rudy Garcia. We're moving it. So all of a sudden he would say things like, you can't outwork a bad diet. And I would say things like, try me. Let's see. Steve and I were talking on the phone. Maybe, maybe we'll. We can. Maybe I can eat a pound of spaghetti if I want to, but I'll just take a big old hike and move some weights around and it's all going to come out in the wash. Well, that's not the case. That's not plan. That's not the way the human body works. And so I always thought one in the same. It's not. It's diet and it's exercise. And so I finally go to this scan. There's a line of people going in. I will say most people are in exercise clients clothes. I was wearing slacks and a T shirt and I did feel weird about that.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But a lady gets in there with stretch pants on, little yoga pants, a T shirt. She gets in the van, 10 minutes later she pops out. A guy goes in there with little shorts and a tank top pops out. I go in there with slacks and a T shirt and I don't know what to expect. I don't feel unsafe because of jiu jitsu, probably G. No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, here we go. Hang in the pocket. Keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Safer him. You're in a little cage with me. You're in a cage with me.

[Jake Johnson]

He's in a scan van because you're eating too much spaghetti.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You made the mistake to get in a cage with me, Jack.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's a guy with a van scan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anyway, after one man leaves.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you'll be the guy leaving. He'll be in there. Two guys enter, two guys leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two guys enter. One guy leaves humbled because the other.

[Eric]

Guy calls him obese.

[Jake Johnson]

You because you got bad numbers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The worst numbers. So then I go do the scan. The scan.

[Eric]

Hands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Easy.

[Jake Johnson]

What? It's just what like you're kind of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's over your entire body up and down.

[Jake Johnson]

Then the guy camera kind of thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, yeah, like. Yeah. The guy then touches you a little bit.

[Steve]

Oh, wait. What?

[Eric]

Hold on, hold on.

[Steve]

You didn't tell me this on the phone.

[Jake Johnson]

He said he loved you. A new girl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tell anybody about this, I'll kill you buddies too.

[Steve]

Let's be cops. Was so funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Eric]

About this Craigslist dude. It was a guy fan. He was a fan. He touched me a little bit. It's kind of like Figure my life.

[Jake Johnson]

Letter grade in the window.

[Steve]

Wait, wait, wait. Extrapolate on the whole. The touching part. What does this entail?

[Eric]

Yeah, please, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pushing in between my butt cheeks a little bit. Squeezing my titties. Pulling my arms down. Stretching my legs.

[Steve]

Wait, why is he pinching your butt cheek?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cuz that's part of the thing, you idiot.

[Steve]

No, I don't think this is. I think you got taken for a ride, my friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is how you do a body scan.

[Eric]

This is how you.

[Steve]

Hold on, I gotta grab your butt cheek before scan. Make sure you know all the.

[Jake Johnson]

One of these. I'm. I want to have one. I've never had one.

[Steve]

Touched by a stranger.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't understand, sir.

[Steve]

Yeah.

[Eric]

You haven't done a guy in the van touch me telling you like your earlier work.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I've done that, but it wasn't for medical purposes.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah, no one's judging. Yeah, just kidding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, he didn't touch my butt, Steve. There's no touching.

[Steve]

Okay, well, blink. Blink if you. If you're serious. If you want to talk. Out the air, man. Always here for you, brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guys, I wouldn't have a guy squeeze my butt cheeks and grab my tit.

[Steve]

I mean, I. We all believed it. We've known you for a long time.

[Eric]

All your best buddies believe.

[Steve]

Why do you think I tried to believed it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why do you think I said to Gareth, have you ever had one? Because I knew he didn't believe it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, maybe we should bring it in for a landing. Jake, this has been a pretty good one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

I think I have once again, brilliant performances. Really sticking to their character.

[Steve]

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna. I'm gonna order a big old sleeve of Maxel 90 minutes tapes. Start dubbing. Start dubbing.

[Jake Johnson]

I really thought you were ordering a bunch of macaroni and break me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like, what is he saying?

[Steve]

No, I. I mean, I already made.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you angry on this?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I don't care about how much macaroni you're about to get delivered.

[Steve]

Why would you not care about that? That's like the be the most interesting thing said today.

[Eric]

That is the most interesting thing. It's passion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Steve.

[Eric]

Thank Steve.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Steve]

Steve wants £50 of Mac and cheese.

[Eric]

He deserves it.

[Steve]

God, I love you, Eric.

[Eric]

There's medicine in that back.

[Steve]

I even like Jake more when he does.

[Jake Johnson]

You like, It's.

[Steve]

It's like, that's how much I love you, Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, boys, we'll talk to you guys later.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you. Guys.

[Steve]

All right. Bye, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye, everybody. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Radio Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Cross Chris Faller, theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod.