198: Masterclass & Water Wubbie

Summary

Podcast Summary: We're Here to Help

Episode 198: Masterclass & Water Wubbie
Date: August 18, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds
Guests/Callers: Danny J (Jake’s brother), Paige (repeat caller/co-host for part of the show), Nikki, Michael, Steve Berg, Eric

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode dives into classic We're Here to Help territory: a blend of comedic riffing, practical-ish advice, and “bits” between genuinely attempting to help listeners with everyday dilemmas. Jake and Gareth are joined at points by Jake’s brother Danny, regular caller Paige (who “graduates” to co-host), and others, as they field calls about poker strategy, awkward family gifts, and the line between convenience and emotional support objects.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Riff: The Cameo Bit (01:19–12:02)

• Jake and Gareth discuss the cultural weirdness of Cameo:
  • They poke fun at celebrities (e.g. Ray Lewis, Brett Favre) doing paid shout-outs, questioning motives and admitting the concept is “madness” to them as grown adults.
  • This segues into bit ideas about paying celebrities to string together elaborate show intros, possibly using podcast funds to create a “Cameo Challenge” between Jake and Gareth.
  • Memorable Quote:
    • Jake: “The idea of being able to write to an actor or athlete and have them say stuff... it’s madness.” (02:45)
    • Gareth on Ray Lewis: "But the idea that Ray Lewis, because they have to approve it...he saw this problem in his inbox and was like, ‘Oh yeah.’...150, approve, approve, approve..." (05:53)
• The Cameo Intro Game (09:06–12:02):
  • They riff on how to gamify getting celebrities to do wild bits as show intros, assigning budgets, writing scripts, getting listeners to vote, and so on.

2. Caller 1: Nikki Needs Poker Advice (16:48–35:38)

Background

• Nikki, a 26-year-old Brooklynite, plays high-stakes poker with her boyfriend's friends.
• She started strong but now plays too conservatively and avoids risk, feeling outgunned by “big personalities” and chaos agents at the table. She wants to be more profitable but is scared to bluff.

Advice & Banter

• Jake’s Masterclass:
  • Jake, a seasoned poker player, explains you’re playing people, not just cards (“You’re not necessarily playing the cards that you’re getting. You’re playing the table.” 23:59).
  • Learn the table—avoid tangling with better players, take chips from ATMs (weaker players).
  • “Scared money doesn’t make money.” (20:45)
  • recommends an early bold bluff to change the table’s perception—show the bluff whether you win or not.
• Gareth’s Left Field Pitch:
  • Suggests Nikki adopt theatrical poker-wear (sunglasses, hats, fake cigar) for confidence and table presence – jokes taken as half-joke/half-serious.
• Other Playful Strategy Ideas:
  • “Fake drunk” at the table to appear loose, then play tight.
  • Play a “chaotic” early bluff, show her cards to recalibrate her image.
  • Paige chimes in: “You have to show. And then even if someone, like—even if I don't see it through... …flip over your cards and go like this: I got caught. Masterclass.” (34:01)
  • Danny J: “Commit the entire night next time. Accept you’re going to lose $100. Have fun. You’re wild, you’re bluffing, you’re sloppy, and then next time...you act the same way Jake suggested, but you’re actually tight.” (31:38)

Notable Quotes

• “You're what we call an ABC player. So ABC players, you know exactly what they’re going to do.” – Jake (33:13)
• “I want you to bluff on one of the early hands. And if somebody calls you, I want you to fold, but show the bluff...and then don't bluff again.” – Jake (28:27)

3. Caller 2: Paige’s Legendary Follow-Up – The Mannequin & Dick Slippers (35:49–45:30)

Story Recap

• Paige previously called for help dealing with bizarre gifts from her mother-in-law (a mannequin and “dick slippers”).
• Recommended “return” the mannequin by claiming a fake designer, Sweet Jessie, wanted to buy it.

Execution & Evolution

• Paige invents a full fiction, stages a photo of the mannequin in front of a random closed metaphysical shop (“Karma and Love”) as “proof.”
• Nails the cover story to her mother-in-law’s satisfaction.
• Hosts praise Paige: for embracing, running, and escalating the podcast’s absurdist advice to a new level.

Quotes & Moments

• Gareth: “You changed what a follow-up is... Now it’s did it work, and what did you do?” (45:11)
• Jake: “The new term is we need you to pull a Paige.” (44:47)
• “I made it like care package style...sleep masks, a note, penis-shaped pasta to go in there too. So he’s got a whole little themed care package.” – Paige (43:10)

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4. Caller 3: Michael and the ‘Water Wubbie’ (49:10–73:56)

Issue

• Michael’s family accuses him of being “emotionally dependent” on his large water bottle (aka “water wubbie”), taking it everywhere (restaurants, bars, friends’ houses).
• Wants objective takes: is this practical, or a crutch?

Discussion

• Hosts riff:
  • Stickers on bottles vs. plain; at what age do water bottles signal “immaturity”?
    • “You can have a bunch of Mammoth, California [stickers]...when you’re 24. When you’re 47...I don’t care.” (52:28)
  • Paige admits she also has an emotional support water bottle.
  • Jake and Gareth suggest leaning into it:
    • “Maybe we put a sticker on it that says, ‘emotional support water bottle’.” (54:10)
    • Gareth proposes taking it “full bit” with googly eyes, hat, personalized name (“Wobby Rob”).
  • Advice: Escalate the bit—maybe make a grand, comedic gesture to the family (email/speech/ceremony), or just quietly embrace it—who cares?

Memorable Moment: Live Family Bit

• Michael, on air, announces to his family he’s embracing his “water wubbie”—he’ll label it “emotional support water bottle”—to group eye rolls and acceptance.
• Hosts, Paige, Steve Berg, and Eric all weigh in post-announcement, some riffing about emotional support cheese (“vegan cheese”).
• Jake: “You want to be a 50-year-old man that dresses like a 20-year-old. Who cares?...It’s crazy to do it, but who cares? Leave them alone.” (60:05)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Scared money don’t make money.” – Jake Johnson (20:45)
• Paige’s escalation:
  “When our show works the best, it’s when you guys pull a Paige. That is taking a goofy pitch and making it the next level.” – Jake (38:18)
• Live ‘Water Wubbie’ Bit:
  • Michael to family: “Family, I have an announcement to make. I know you’ve had concerns...I’m leaning full in. I’m gonna print out a little sticker that says emotional support water bottle...we’ll be able to find the compromise here.” (72:55)
  • Family (background): “I guess so...at least it’s honest.”
• Hosts encourage a healthy disregard for societal judgment:
  • “At the end of the day, who gives a? You want to have water around you? I don’t think that’s crazy.” – Gareth Reynolds (60:05)
  • “The new term is we need you to pull a Paige.” (44:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:19–12:02 — Cameo Riffing and Show Intro Game
• 16:48–35:38 — Nikki’s Poker Dilemma / Masterclass Advice
• 35:49–45:30 — Paige’s Mannequin Update and “Pulling a Paige”
• 49:10–73:56 — Michael, the Water Wubbie, and his Family’s Intervention

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Tone & Style

• Friendly, irreverent, and tangential: The tone is breezy and filled with comedic side trails, running bits, playful insults, and affectionate ribbing.
• Advice is a mix of genuine strategy and comedic escalation: Sometimes the "advice" is entirely serious, sometimes an excuse for a bit (like the water bottle sticker).
• Emphasizes caller participation and creative problem-solving: Callers are celebrated for their inventiveness; listeners are encouraged to take the show’s silly advice and run with it.

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Conclusion

• This episode epitomizes We're Here to Help: infectious camaraderie, half-useful life hacks, meta commentary on podcasting and advice itself, all delivered in a warm, anarchic spirit.
• Listener Takeaway: When in doubt, “pull a Paige”—embrace the bit, escalate the (harmless) absurdity, and have fun solving your own problems, with or without a celebrity cameo.

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Transcript

[Paige]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Narrator]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are Mac. I sent this to Natalie. This isn't an oh, this is more I was gonna do it with you, me, Steve and Garrett of you, me, Steve and Eric, but it just made me laugh. And then I was just gonna send you for bits, but I thought we might as well do it in an intro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

There's this guy on Instagram who does a thing on cameo. What are your thoughts on cameo? To start?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's look, it's a great way to make an income. I think sometimes I'm very puzzled by people who are on there and there's something strange about putting a price tag on your being. To me that feels a bit forward.

[Jake Johnson]

And there's something fake humble about it of like I'm just happy to do it to interact with the crowd for 65 in my living room where I'm gonna do like 12 a day while I'm on vacation. I think it's a weird thing personally. Like look if and scratch and everyone's happy. Cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how funny to me. But I, it's fun and I, it's not for me but I think, I think we know people who are on it and God bless, you know, there you go. But also, I mean it's a very.

[Jake Johnson]

Funny thing as like a concept that has entered our culture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

That was not there. The idea of being able to write to an actor or an athlete and have them say stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

Still to me as a 47 year old geezer, I'm like this is madness now the everyone's grown up in it. But it's Madness.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And maybe as a joke, at some point, I, through a third party friend have gotten one from someone who a friend of mine doesn't like and sent it to them. And okay, this is like that sort.

[Jake Johnson]

Of stuff as well I was going to do for a while. It's really funny you say that. So my buddy Dave Callahan was. Got some stuff from the Challenge people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Uhhuh.

[Jake Johnson]

So they would be like, like, hey, bud, or whatever and have like a whole message. Like the guy Josh from his porch giving like a funny message. Yeah, I was gonna do for Self Reliance Press, and then I just forgot about it. But have somebody like a Tony Danza be like, hey, my best friend Jake Johnson just directed his movie. You gotta see it and post it on my Instagram. But there's a guy who does something really funny and Gareth, I'd like to show you the clip of it now. And for everybody else, it's just audio, but that's all that matters anyhow. But I think you specifically will like this because it's a football player. Okay, but Natalie, will you just show the clip? Sometimes when I'm bored of my cameos and I just write the craziest prompt that I can think of. And this is one that I just sent to NFL hall of Famer Ray Lewis. Hey, Ray. My co worker Kevin talks in a baby voice during meetings, like full baby talk while we're discussing serious stuff. The other day he said he made a widdle mistakey wakey on the spreadsheet. Hey, Kevin, check this out. This blessing comes from Jim. And I'm telling you, all your co.

[Michael]

Workers got a problem.

[Jake Johnson]

Because in meetings, you talking with this baby voice on me, like full baby talk while people discussing serious matters.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, just the other day, just.

[Jake Johnson]

Think about, I made a widow mistakey wakey. That. That's what that sounds like. So what I'm telling you is we gotta change that immediately so you're clear and understanding that we need volume. Right? Presence, expression. Kevin, please don't make me have to come talk to you personally really fast. Natalie, we go to the front so we can give a shout out to the guy who made this in this Instagram.

[Paige]

His. In what his Instagram handle is.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. All right, and then, Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S so. It's so funny. First of all, why Ray Lewis is on cameos.

[Jake Johnson]

$70 million.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like you could argue it's for charity, but he has money to give to Char already, so I don't understand that at all. But the idea that Ray Lewis, because they have to Approve it.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course they read.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Ray Lewis saw this problem in his inbox. It was like, oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he just goes, 150. Approve, approve, approve. And he goes like this. 1500 bucks in eight minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the idea of. Of making them solve. Like, Ray Lew is trying to tell a guy at work to stop using baby voice. Is a great scenario.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a. It's a nearly perfect bit for me because Ray's has to be intense. We all. As the defensive leader, and he's a leader.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is irritated by it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And he's letting it. But he also gets it wrong. He thinks the problem is he's talking too quietly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He, like. He, like, skimmed it. But the fact that you got him to say wakey or whatever is so funny.

[Jake Johnson]

And, well, now what's his Instagram?

[Paige]

It's the Jimmy Clifford.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So just a little shout out to Jimmy. Great stuff. Really good usage of cameo. And I just. I wanted to share that with you. I was just going to do it via text, but I thought, why not just do it in an intro?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Charlotte got me. Charlotte Newhouse, friend of ours got me a Brett Favre one once. And it was. This is a while ago, but it was like. It looked like he just walked out of a car wash. Like, he was soaking wet. And he was like. He like Ray Lewis. He was like. He was missing a couple facts, but he was like. And you got your cat, Jose. That's great for you. I hear you're a big Packer fan. You got that tattoo. You're intense, man. And I was just, like, watching it, and I was like, brett Favre just said Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just talked about Jose.

[Jake Johnson]

But why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why, why, Why? I don't know. I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, maybe it gives him something to do.

[Jake Johnson]

I get if you're hard up, you need the money. God bless. Yeah, but you're putting yourself out there to. Someone's paying Ray Lewis to prank him and make him say baby wake. It's like, Ray for 150 bucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

50 Ray Lewis getting. I mean, what does Ray Lewis do with 150? Like, I mean, I guess he just lets it stack. But I would have met. Like, I showed you that check I had for $6.46.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ray L. That's like $150 to Ray Lewis.

[Jake Johnson]

Like 2.

[Gareth Reynolds]

2 cents.

[Jake Johnson]

I have an idea, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh?

[Jake Johnson]

What if we took a little bit of we're here to help money and started in intros, figuring out what cameos we could Try to get. And make and get them to say to play in our intros.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. As like a little bit of a runner to figure out. Maybe people could email in ideas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I wonder if there's any like, I wonder what the deal is with, like using it, like publishing it for quote unquote. Doesn't matter. Then what we should do is we should find. We should. You and I should just go through and pick two people each or something that we think are great for that intro and let's just have the show pay for it and we'll get a couple of them to say we could. I could say it could be from Gareth to Jake and it could be Tony Danza just like, hey, you know, hey, hey, Jake, this is Tony. Gareth really wants you to listen to his podcast. We're here.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what we could also do, Gareth? We could just Write like a 10 minute intro and one guy passes on the next. So if it's Tony Danza at the end, he goes like, take it away blank. And then the next person does it and the last person goes like, without further.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could ask him all to end it with. Without further ado.

[Jake Johnson]

Or we string them together. Somebody's like, part one, part two, part four. And then we have all you. You and I aren't even in the intro. The first one is, the person goes like. And we are back with a killer Monday, folks. Hey, this is your friend, you know, Kato Calum or whatever. We got a great Monday. I'm really excited for Monday. I talked to two people. One of them's got a problem with, like, wiping their butts. The other one has, like, too many bunnies in the backyard. And then we do a great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of them just wants to dig up. Hey, man, you should not dig up that grave that says Orville on it.

[Jake Johnson]

And then it goes right next. And then they would be like, oh, man, I'm so mad. My partner's got curly hair. My partner is Mo. He's being so mean about it. Same old bit. All right, here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just want to say, I know you just lost. I lost. You lost Curly and pig and Mo.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know they're gone, and that's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to say, like, I'm sorry for them, but there was a time it was for them to go. They will be missed, Rip. Let's pass it off to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What we should do is we should. We should write that up. And then what we should do is you and I should pick two people each and not tell the other.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we can, like, tee it up. We can reveal who we each picked.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we each get a budget.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah. So it's like Top Chef. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So the audience can vote who played Cameo better. Same script.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like the idea that if we get. We each get to pick two. Let's say we have to keep it under 300.

[Jake Johnson]

Combined.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Combined.

[Jake Johnson]

So you can go 290 and 10. Yeah, great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you have to do two. I think you have to do two.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We tried. We write the script for them. We see if they could get as close as possible to, like doing an intro and a toss.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And then. Okay. One person's your intro, one person's your finish. The audience will pick the winner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. When do you want to start doing this?

[Jake Johnson]

Right now, probably. What does the winner get between either me or Gareth?

[Paige]

Yeah, you gotta put some.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you pick a punishment for the other person, the loser.

[Jake Johnson]

That's interesting.

[Paige]

That's mean. Or you do just a prize.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think punishment's better.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. That's why they're married. They're giving one. They give a different spice to the kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Devil Angel.

[Jake Johnson]

You don't have the two of the same. You know what we could do? Let's get on Patreon and chew the fat a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Because it's going to take a little processing, but for this intro alone, the seed has been planted. It might take a little bit to execute this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, there we go, everybody. Enjoy the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy the show. Without further ado.

[Steve Berg]

Join us on Patreon for the live 200th episode on Monday, August 18th at 5pm Pacific Time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code. Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna be honest now, I do wear some quints. I like their shirts a lot. I like the pants. They are high quality so I can wear them if I've got a work event. But they're also very comfortable. So Quince has become a long sponsor of ours and I'm a man who wears Quince. Looks professional, it's easy, feels good, it's comfortable. So keep it classic and cool with long lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Quince Q U N C E dot com here to help to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com hereto help. All right, Dan, you want to get us started?

[Paige]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Absolutely. They're on with us, brother.

[Michael]

Love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Literal brother.

[Danny J.]

For real. One dude you can say that to everybody else is fake. Don't forget it.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree. And you've said that to me before when I've called a friend brother. You said that's fake. I'm the only real one. It's true.

[Danny J.]

Watch your tone and watch your language.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, they're on. Start asking them questions.

[Danny J.]

All right, welcome to we're here to help. I am your third wheel today. Danny J. Here with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds. Who are you, where are you from and what are you calling about?

[Paige]

Hi guys, My name is Nikki, 26. I'm from Brooklyn, New York and I'm calling about. I need help with my poker, my poker game. I'll give you some context. Basically, I have been playing poker with a group of about eight to ten guys at like a different points depending on the game. Sometimes will be five, sometimes it'll be up to like 10. And they're all my boyfriends, friends mostly friends from college and then friends we've made and they're some big, big old personalities in this game. And as of recently it's gotten. Well, I'll start by saying I was invited to play early on because I had a real interest in it. They taught me. I learned quickly and then I really freaking liked it and I was doing really good. And so I got, and kept inviting me back. I got in the poker chat they play like once a month. But lately I have been really. I've been really hitting low, and I think it's just because they've kind of upped the stakes a lot. They play about like, with like $50 buying games. They're always buying back in over and over and over again. People end up losing four or five hundred dollars or winning four or five hundred dollars. And I'm. I am scared in the water. So I tend to either break even or I'll make a little bit of a profit. Maybe like 50 bucks or I'll lose some. Nothing too crazy. My problem is that I'm playing this game for like six hours with these big scary dudes, and I really want to make more of a profit. I want to take some more money home. I'm not good at bluffing. I get chickened out. People scare me out. I've lost some really great hands to just being too scared. So I'm looking, yeah, I'm looking for some. For some advice.

[Jake Johnson]

This is an interesting problem, Danny.

[Danny J.]

You've come to the right look, Nikki, number one. Oh, I know I have come to the right place.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, gotcha. Turn your video off, bro.

[Danny J.]

All right, I'm off.

[Jake Johnson]

But keep going.

[Danny J.]

Nikki, you may know the backstory, I think you do, but you've come to the right place because one of us has played poker professionally for years, and that, yeah, this is not like a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Casual with the dudes kinda.

[Danny J.]

One of us has played for a living for years, and that's Jake. This guy knows poker backwards and forwards, and he's going to take you from the amateur player that you are to World Series caliber player in the next five minutes. Jake, take it away.

[Jake Johnson]

That's an oversell. You did it on purpose. You pimped me out, Dan, for me to lose. And you treated me like you did at your bachelor party, but I fell down and you shot me in the butt. But guess what? You're.

[Danny J.]

You're gonna rise like a phoenix from this one. Don't doubt yourself.

[Jake Johnson]

You got it, Nikki D. Danny J is my brother, Dan, if you don't know that yet.

[Paige]

Oh, yeah, I got. That's great. I got the brothers. I was calling for this reason. I knew you play.

[Jake Johnson]

I do play. Gareth, do you play?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I haven't in a long time. I used to play. Just house games. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. What I will say to you right now, Nikki, is there's a scared money don't make money.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And if the stakes are getting too scary and you're playing a little timid they know that. And you're turning into something that is referred to as an atm. There are certain people who are invited to the games because they're exclusively ATMs. And are you sure you're not being ATM'd?

[Paige]

So that's a great question. I think. I don't think I'm an ATM because I think that one. I'm also. Now I'm not buying back in like crazy. Normally if I, if I lose, I take my L's and I walk away smart, not trying to prove a point. I play reserved and so I don't, I don't lose big hands and I'm not giving that much more money to the table. My boyfriend, who is the guy, invited me to these caves. He's definitely, I think, a bit of an atm. They definitely, they wheel them and deal him for sure. So I see it happening to other people. I also think we have, you know, there's one character who's like, like literal joker and he plays with such pure chaos that you can he, I don't even know understand what his gameplay is, but it causes so much disruption to the entire game. So it doesn't also feel serious. Like he'll, he'll bump a bet, you know, from, I don't know, like $5 to like $30 in one. And then everyone feels the need to compete with him.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Paige]

So he's also kind of an atm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Total agent of chaos. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So then, Nikki, just to be clear, because obviously our show isn't a poker tutorial show, but I'm not against talking poker. I'm just thinking about the audience. So what is this? Go ahead.

[Danny J.]

Look, Danny. Look Danny J here. Jake, quit underselling yourself.

[Jake Johnson]

Dan, stop with this goofy routine.

[Danny J.]

You have the knowledge, the skills and the ability.

[Jake Johnson]

You've already done.

[Danny J.]

You've already said phrases. All of us are jaws dropped.

[Jake Johnson]

Stay TM scared.

[Danny J.]

Money don't make money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

ATMs.

[Danny J.]

It's like you guys already are speaking a different language. Bring us all along to the poker knowledge. Give her the advice to make her the player she wants to be.

[Paige]

First of all.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Danny J.]

It's a high compliment. You're in an all dudes poker thing. That's great. That means you are ready to compete. Take their money. Jake's going to tell you how right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Paige]

I can censor the question too if you, if you need. So it's not just general poker, but.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, first let me give you.

[Paige]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you go, Nikki.

[Paige]

I was just saying I'm really I'm really trying to learn how to bluff or just be better than. And also just, like, not let people chicken me out of the game. I get. I get, you know, I. I gotta. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's my. Here's my first piece of advice, Nikki. So of the eight people sitting around the table, you got the agent of chaos, correct?

[Paige]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you've probably got a few people there who you believe might be better than you.

[Paige]

Oh, yeah, there's some. They're people. Yeah, they're. They're studying this stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so there's a few people, and then there's a few people who you feel like are just also fine and might be ATMs, right?

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's the first trick about poker. You're not necessarily playing the cards that you're getting. You're playing the table. Meaning, wow, if you get ace, jack, and you're excited, but it's against one of these people who are better than you, the ace, jack don't play. But if it's against the AI of chaos, all of a sudden a 7 Ace feels pretty good because he could have anything. So there are certain people at that table that, at your level right now, if you make a big bet and they call you or raise you, get the fuck out of the way. You don't want to get. I don't want to get in a ring with. But listen, I don't want to. If I'm a boxer and Mike Tyson's in the ring, I don't care how much training I did, I'm not in there. You give me Buster Douglas's big ass, I might take my chances.

[Michael]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're basically saying, don't. Don't push. If you've got it, hang in there, but try to make more plays.

[Jake Johnson]

What I say with what I do is when I first get to a table, and I'm taking it seriously or I'm caring is I study the table of who's getting who's good and who's bad. And the people I'm not sure of, I stay out of their way. The beauty of poker is when you're just at the antes and the blinds at the beginning, the money's so low. So even if you have, like, a pair of sevens, if it's me and that other person, I don't know how good they play yet. I'm not looking to commit my chips against him. Now, if I flop a set, sure. But if I don't, I don't want to get in a battle with them until I know what they're doing. If it's One of the ATMs. Two, nine. Feels good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I also wonder, like, maybe it's time. Well, what do you think about something like this? What if we. What are you wearing to the game, Nick? You? Just regular clothes. Because I'm going to pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

This isn't what it's about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

She's one of the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop at Danny J. Don't you jump on his back.

[Jake Johnson]

Danny J. Jump in.

[Danny J.]

Garrett, that got weird and I think you should walk it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm going somewhere. All right, the pans on. There's a little oil in my wear.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't freak out. Don't freak out before I start putting some stuff in there.

[Jake Johnson]

Nick, he's out of line. We apologize.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not asking about a low cut top. Let me go.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Let him.

[Paige]

You're not asking. Okay, well, it depends. I like, you know, I bring. I pull a fit. I bring a fit every time for sure. I usually don't make it too. You know, I'm playing with my boyfriend's friends, you know. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna suggest we start wearing sunglasses at the game. I'm also gonna suggest that we wear like kind of some kind of hat at the game, too. I think we lean into like a little bit more of the character outfit that I used to see at the World Series of Poker sometimes from clowns. Hoodie, maybe an unlit cigar that you just sort of chomp on a little bit. Stuff like that. That shows that Nikki's reinvented herself while she's been in the shadows talking to Jake, hearing terms like atm. And Danny J, who surely jumped on me about the outfit question way too fast.

[Jake Johnson]

Because I think you also changed your course, Gareth. I think you were going in one direction, now you wasn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the whole idea. The whole idea is that you lean into this idea. Yeah. Backpack with nothing in it, whatever it is.

[Jake Johnson]

You heard 26 year old lady and you think you're 26. And you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't even have their age written down. I don't even have her age written down. I'm a guy who doesn't have her age written down.

[Jake Johnson]

Put it to the camera.

[Paige]

Show it.

[Jake Johnson]

Show it to the camera. What does it say? Just. It's literal. Scribbles. It's literal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not. It says Nikki, 8 to 10 guys. Bf's, friends.

[Jake Johnson]

Nikki, 8 to 10 guys is what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You both stop it right now. Nikki. Nikki. Gareth. We're here to help. Just you and me talking here. So not just you and me, you rat. Now, stop it. You are not scared. Stop it. So, Nikki, what I'm suggesting is.

[Jake Johnson]

Suggesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it.

[Paige]

God.

[Danny J.]

You said the word suggesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Danny. J. No.

[Jake Johnson]

Get him, Danny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it.

[Danny J.]

Nat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Call hr. You guys, she. We are hr.

[Jake Johnson]

That is hr.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's hr. I think if you. Yeah, if you reset your outfit a little bit, maybe there's something to that confidence. And it's also showing up being like, I'm done fucking around. I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good. I do, too.

[Danny J.]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's an. Here's another move, Nikki. I want you to bluff on one of the early hands. And if somebody calls you, I want you to fold, but show the bluff, and if you win, show the bluff and then don't bluff again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, that's great.

[Jake Johnson]

But I need you at the beginning of the night to risk some chips. And if it's. You're Talking about a $50 buy and go, somebody goes like, you know, the blind. What are the blinds? One, two. Yeah, so it's like two, two. Then somebody goes like six. Then you go like. Somebody goes like six. Somebody calls you. All right, it. I'm all in. Everybody folds. You show a 10, 5, and you go. I know you guys didn't have anything.

[Danny J.]

This is so good.

[Paige]

I will say, in that exact scenario, people will go in with, like, they will. They'll fight.

[Jake Johnson]

I got you. So you guys have a little bit of a blackjack game. People will just call to move chips around.

[Paige]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I think what you're saying is maybe, I don't know, the idea of just doing a bluff early where you show the cards to show. Guess what? I also know crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then from then on, you're only hanging in there with good hands.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you act like you're being a little crazy, but you go. We show that you were basically trying to paint you as an atm. You know, you could also do pretend to be drunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yes. Have drinks with no booze and pretend.

[Paige]

Alcohol flying around.

[Jake Johnson]

I've done that at a casino. Wow. When I was at a table alone, I pretended to be sloppier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you drinking at this, Nikki?

[Paige]

I didn't. I didn't last time. I wanted to see what a sober game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like the fake drink too much. I like the fake drink.

[Jake Johnson]

I pretend if I'm you, I pretend to get really drunk. And then when you look at the hands, say things like, oh, my God, I want to play This. I don't even know why.

[Michael]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, maybe some stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, I'm just gonna take all Nikki's money, and then you're playing as tight as you've ever played. Yeah, but you're representing that you are a drunk party girl who.

[Paige]

Money doesn't even mean anything.

[Danny J.]

I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

I would.

[Danny J.]

Do I. I'd say two things. One, I'm an atm, and now I recognize it. I'm also an agent of chaos, and I recognize that. I would say if you never buy in again, next game, buy in again. Accept $100 is the cost of tuition for this exceptional master class in poker you just got for free from Jake, who, by the way, you should.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should.

[Danny J.]

You should offer this class online, Jake. You can make a fortune.

[Jake Johnson]

Dan's been trying to get me to do an acting class in a black box theater where I wear a turtleneck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's your friend. He's your brother and your friend.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you let it? Allow him to help you.

[Danny J.]

It's still like hotcakes. And you smoke one thin cigarette the whole class.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, like a Capri. Like a Capri.120.

[Danny J.]

That's it. An active disdain for every student but this one. Online poker. 5,000 bucks a class. There'll be 20 of them tomorrow.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, land the plane, brother.

[Danny J.]

But I would say this. Do Jake's strategy, which is exceptional, but commit the entire night next time. Except you're going to lose 100 bucks. Have fun. You're wild, you're bluffing, you're sloppy, and then next time, you act the same way Jake suggested, but you're actually tight.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly right. But, Dan, I don't think she's got to lose a whole night. She's playing against amateur players. She just needs to lose a couple of hands early on or show. Because these experts who are studying there are also not very good. So then they'll go like, nikki's a loose player. Nikki's drunk. I will catch her later. My patience will pay off.

[Danny J.]

You got it, master class. You got it, master class.

[Paige]

Yeah. Everyone's, like, critiquing each other's moves afterwards. Always, like, a whole thing. Everyone thinks they're the best. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Everybody's read the same poker books and tells people who's a good player based off really basic moves. Yeah. So I would. So, Nikki, what are you gonna do? We've given you some advice. Where you at here, pal?

[Paige]

This has been really, really helpful. I am definitely going to go with the sunglasses and the hat and just kind of pull A different move, though I do think that will contradict. I have to kind of choose one or the other because I don't. I don't know if that'll go with the drunken party girl. But I will be honest. I feel like I've played enough with these guys that that would be a little out of character for me. But also maybe that would work, like, you know, just one night, I just kind of let a little too loose and I get too sloppy. I'm a very conservative player, and I think they.

[Jake Johnson]

They know that about it, and they.

[Paige]

Know that about me for sure. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And so when you have a big hand, Nikki, everybody just folds because you're obvious. You're what we call an abc. You're an ABC player.

[Michael]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

So ABC players, you know exactly what they're going to do. So all of a sudden, when you go like, I reraise. Everyone goes like, of course you do. Because you have a flush, you lose. Like, nobody called. It's like, no, you're sitting there going, fold, fold, fold. Oh, I have a good hand. All in.

[Paige]

Exactly. That's okay.

[Jake Johnson]

After A comes B. After B comes C, then comes D. It's pretty obvious, honey. We learned the Alphabet as children.

[Paige]

Yep. Yep. 100. Okay, so I'm gonna try the bluff early. That was something I was. I was thinking about.

[Jake Johnson]

But you gotta show. You gotta show. And then even if.

[Paige]

Even if someone, like. Even if I don't see it through.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, of course. Then when you fold, flip over your cards and go like this. I got caught. Master class show that you're a different player than you are. So all these little geeks who study Phil Ivey go, like, got her mental note. She's loose.

[Paige]

All right?

[Jake Johnson]

And then you tighten up. And then once everybody thinks of you as tight, then you loosen up.

[Danny J.]

You're gonna make so much money, Mickey. You're gonna make a fortune.

[Paige]

I'm so excited. I. I will let you guys know how it goes.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, actually, please do.

[Paige]

Yes, I will. I will. And I'll. I'll. I hope. I. I hope for you. For you, Jake. I hope I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

The only thing I would.

[Danny J.]

Only thing I would add is I think the part of Garrett's advice, which was solid and was actually not creepy.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett.

[Danny J.]

So I guess I owe you an apology.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Danny.

[Danny J.]

Is that I do think you should wear a hat. It should be a we're here to help hat. You can get it online. There, I said it. I'm done.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good work.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus Christ. The hat you should wear is the hat I'm wearing, it says he knows where the hot dogs are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's confusing. People are definitely going to be looking up more than they're going to be looking down.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't even fully remember what this call was from. Is it the hot dog party?

[Paige]

It's samples, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, samples.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He knows where the hot dogs are.

[Jake Johnson]

I think, which is great. We don't even know the merch. Nikki, I think you're gonna win. And also, good luck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep us posted.

[Paige]

Thank you very much. I appreciate it, guys. Have a good one.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Nikki, thank you for the call. We'll just have it chaotic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll just have it chaotic. Hello.

[Paige]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. Welcome back.

[Paige]

Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're excited to talk to you.

[Jake Johnson]

We are excited to talk to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But we don't know who you are or what this follow up is. So will you please remind us your name and what your first call was and then we'll get into the update.

[Paige]

Sure. So my name is Paige. I'm from the Chicagoland suburbs and my first call was about my mother in law giving me some strange gifts. One of them was a mannequin and the other one was the dick slippers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep, I remember dick slippers.

[Jake Johnson]

This. We just did this call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Paige]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Meaning you sprung into action.

[Jake Johnson]

But Paige, you were also going to send the dick slippers. Told Stevie Berg.

[Paige]

Yeah. And they should have arrived today.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, great. We're having a little zoom chat with him in about 30 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome news.

[Paige]

Perfect. Okay. I hope. I hope they got there. They do.

[Jake Johnson]

But, Paige, this isn't about Steve. We could make every episode about Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not about Steve and his dick slippers.

[Jake Johnson]

Are we doing that? Are we doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that's not the show. No, it could be very easily.

[Jake Johnson]

This is about you, Paige. So what was the advice we gave? What did you do? Where are we at, pal?

[Paige]

So we have two big wins. The advice on the mannequin was to pretend that a designer named Sweet Jessie paid for her. And so I did that. I told her that Sweet Jesse, the designer, saw the mannequin and wanted it for his store. And she. Remember that pitch, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't. I think it was mine and I don't think I did.

[Michael]

It's an incredible pitch.

[Paige]

I don't remember.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so a designer named Sweet Jessie wanted the mannequin and wanted to buy it.

[Paige]

Yes. And so I went with that. And then she understandably had a lot of questions about who Sweet Jesse. Why did he see the mannequin, like, whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Questions.

[Paige]

Yeah. And so I kind of got a little bit stuck, but ultimately then ended up she wanted to see where her product was going to be, so I had to set it up in front of this. The store. Random store.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Jake Johnson]

Paige.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Way to go.

[Jake Johnson]

Good what you did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Paige]

Thank you.

[Michael]

Wow.

[Paige]

And she was happy. She was proud.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I say something to you, Paige, and to the audience of this show and when our show works the best, it's when you guys pull a page and that is taking a goofy pitch and making it the next level. She went to a shop and now just Karma and love. Tarot reading, metaphysical store with crystals, incense, candles. Steve Berg, sage and rocks. By the way, I know Carmen love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric and Steve traveling band.

[Jake Johnson]

If they were a jam band, it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would be Karma, Steve, Karma and Eric love.

[Jake Johnson]

But the mannequins outside in a dress and a little summer hat and huge shades. She looks at home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, what I also. What I also really like is that you felt like you were kind of not. You didn't have enough ammo to get to feel like you were winning with the lie. And so you went huge because you see this and you go, oh, this is true.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what. There's no Jesse also. That's sweet. Jesse's shop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Totally. Do you know anyone associated with the store or did you just put a mannequin in front of a store and just pray.

[Paige]

In real life? I do not. But according to my mother in law, there was like a friend of a friend, and that's how we saw the mannequin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paige, you're getting better.

[Jake Johnson]

Paige, walk us through. You're literally. You just put it in front of a store and took a photo.

[Paige]

Well, we were trying, my husband and I, we were trying to see a store that wasn't open at the time that we could just like ditch it. And so and we set it up and then we saw that and it was closed and we were like, wait, this actually kind of works. Like, given her outfit, given it just the area of the store, like, it seems like it would work since it was kind of early in the morning. It was closed.

[Jake Johnson]

10 out of 10, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got us.

[Jake Johnson]

You got us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, we're ringing the bell for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My arm is going to fall off.

[Jake Johnson]

Never what I've thought. Put it in front of a closed door. I thought you knew the owner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I thought this was like kind of arranged in some way. This looks so legit.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what?

[Paige]

We're going to Legit it.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do this really fast. Natalie, is the next caller here? The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The next caller is not coming in for another five minutes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. We. Paige, you want to just join us for the next call?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Paige]

Oh, I would love to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've won. You've won that hard.

[Jake Johnson]

This is the evolution you took of something. It's. Now we're in the middle of season two. The show's different now because now what we need to tell ask callers is we can't solve all the problems. We just plant the seed. Yeah, but then we need you guys to run.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the Mike Tyson quote. I mean, it's. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. You got punched in the mouth. And then you found karma in love and abandoned the mannequin.

[Jake Johnson]

What a move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Amazing.

[Paige]

But where. Where did the mannequin go?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you throw it out? That's my question. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

It wasn't your question. That was Natalie's question. Oh, that was you taking credit literally for Natalie's question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's my point.

[Paige]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's my point.

[Paige]

That's. That's where the mannequin lived. I don't know. I don't know where. Yeah. Where she is gone. I'm assuming they. She's not there anymore.

[Jake Johnson]

But you just left it and drove. You abandoned the mannequin in front of karma and love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mannequin orphaned.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good karma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what that is, but I'll tell you what's awesome, is when the next person came to open karma and love and was like, by the.

[Jake Johnson]

Way, they're into all this. You know what they took it as. As a sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

They're like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're like praying to it, brother. They're burning sage. I love that. It's an Eric spin off. Yeah, of course. Brother. Brother.

[Jake Johnson]

When the student is ready, the mannequin will show up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This means everything.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm taking her home. What a huge victory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what? So when you showed your mother in law this picture, she just was like, o, Great. Okay. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

So what would you do, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wouldn't.

[Jake Johnson]

Excited, of course.

[Paige]

I mean, it looked really legit. So I think. I think she just was kind of proud that her purchase was put to good use. And it fit right in at karma and love. And so. And then, honestly, everybody's happy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then dick slippers wise. Do you even need to tell her what happened to the dick slippers?

[Paige]

No, I didn't say anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you've Got.

[Jake Johnson]

Karma and love is going to love those things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't wait for Steve to watch walk by karma and love in his dick slippers.

[Jake Johnson]

He'd be like, jesus, this is insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wild. What am I even doing? We pay him $120.

[Paige]

I made it like care package style because I thought like, what would pair well with slippers. So I put in some. Some sleep or some face masks, a note. And then I found. I found penis shaped pasta to go in there too. So he's got a whole little themed care package.

[Jake Johnson]

So you know what we're doing with old Stevie Berg on Patreon now? Just because Morgan, who runs our Patreon, Morgan Nelly, is just running wild and having a lot of fun. And I know you don't know this, Gareth, but we are doing. We're starting a whole. Steve Berg is reviewing products and what they posted his PO box and you could send him anything. He's going to just review them. So he'll have to review the. He'll have to eat the pasta and then go like. Like the shape of the penis is actually. It sucks up all the marinara in a special way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's great is each one's like a little cup.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I never would have thought of. My first instance was yuck. My second instinct was yum.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love penis pasta. Penis.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I'm interested in? Tell me if this is gross. Vagina pasta. As I say it, I hate it. How about. How about butthole soup? I hate it. But I'm also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that crazy? It could be a whole spin off. Well, Paige, this is such a great outcome, but like Jake said, I mean, we. We merely threw seeds and soil. You watered, you cultivated, you tilled.

[Jake Johnson]

The new term is we need you to pull a page.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, honestly, pull a page.

[Paige]

Above and beyond that, I appreciate that it was the idea of the sweet. Jesse just really said it into motion. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But. But I got to tell you, Paige, what you did here, which is very impressive, is you changed what a followup is. A followup for a while was just did it work? And then they would like yes or no. Now it's did it work? And what did you do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How far did you run?

[Jake Johnson]

How far did. Because what I would love to hear from follow ups is this is where we started. Then I made some choices.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You really made some choice.

[Jake Johnson]

What are the choices?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so good. Well, congratulations, Paige. A huge success story. Huge. This is big.

[Paige]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And hopefully this. My only worry is that this doesn't dissuade your mother in law from giving you things. But even if it does, I. We are. We are always. Our lines are always open for you if you want to spitball what to do with some of her.

[Jake Johnson]

And also Paige, stick around. You want to take a call with us? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're definitely sticking around.

[Paige]

I would. I would love to. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, BBQs and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back. That's why I made the switch to Mint Mobile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

This year, skip breaking a sweat and break in the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a [e-mail] here to help. That's mintmobile.com here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. And we are brought to you by Kachava. Oh boy. I love cachava. This is the best protein powder I have ever had. Without question it has the best taste. It is the highest quality. I recently was doing vanilla but then I had chai and just as there it it is the greatest. I cannot say enough good stuff stuff about cachava.

[Jake Johnson]

They also have flavors that taste good. I don't like things that taste like junk because I got the taste buds of a child. You can get chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha, coconut, acai. I stick to the basics, chocolate and vanilla. I'm not against the swirl. Taking me back to my TCBY days. Throw some M&M's on that. Now I'm getting hungry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I put it in with, like, greens. So I put it in like with a green smoothie. And it goes from a green smoothie where you're like, ah, I'd rather, you know, drown than drink this. To being like, this is delicious. I mean, this, it is as good as it gets. I am addicted to kachava. Kachava's called me and have been like, hey, you need to stop. And I'm like, hey, you need to stop. So there's a bit of friction there, but it's only because I love the product. So fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15 off. Your next order. That's Kachava K A C H A V A dot com code here to help for 15 off.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Paige.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah? Do it.

[Jake Johnson]

You know how to do it, right?

[Paige]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So just take over.

[Paige]

Oh, amazing. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whenever you're ready, Paige. Action.

[Paige]

Hello. Welcome to. We're here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Michael]

How's it going?

[Paige]

Good. How are you? I'm doing well.

[Michael]

I'm doing well. You know, I, I, I'll, I feel like I'll be even better after I get the help that I need here.

[Paige]

Absolutely. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from?

[Michael]

Yeah, my name is Michael. I'm 30 years old and I'm calling from Denver, Colorado.

[Paige]

Incredible. What's going on?

[Jake Johnson]

Also Denver, really fast. Paige is where the hypothetical first live show is going to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake is teasing it. A great town for a live show.

[Jake Johnson]

I know it. And close to everybody. Michael, you got, you got myself, you got Gareth, and then you've got Paige, who's going to be a guest helper today. And Paige was, she had a problem. She did a followup and she just changed the game in the followup where she evolved.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It crushed the follow up so hard that she's sticking around to help you, Michael, because she knows what she's doing.

[Michael]

I'm grateful. I'm grateful.

[Jake Johnson]

Michael, the floor is yours, sir.

[Michael]

So pretty much the problem that I'm like asking. So I got into an argument with my sister recently because she, because I have a water bottle that I bring around kind of like, you know, a liter size water bottle, like pretty normal. And. But I bring it around with me around to where wherever I go. Usually, like, either around the house or, like, in the restaurant. And she is saying that the water bottle I bring around with me is an emotional support water bottle. And interesting to me, but interesting because I bring my water bottle into restaurants. But that's just because I get, like, thirsty very frequently. And, you know, sometimes restaurants have, like, bad service and won't refill my water when I need it. So, you know, I bring my water bottle just in case, you know, if I ever need, like, a sip of water. And, like, you know, I bring it around the house and stuff because I just feel like it's more convenient to use than just having an open glass next to, like, my laptop and just having the, like, bill on it, like, worst case scenario. So I think it's just very much a. I just get thirsty pretty frequently and, you know, I just have a water bottle handy. But he is, like, convinced that it is, like, underlying concept where it's, you know, I should go to therapy for this. Like, oh, it's therapy for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She thinks it's a wubby. She's accusing you of having a water wubby.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the right term. Yeah, you got a wobby. You got a binky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you got a binky bottle. You're a little. You're a little guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Question for you, Michael. Does the wubby have, like, stickers on it? Because I think that matters.

[Michael]

No, no stickers.

[Jake Johnson]

It doesn't have, like, places you've traveled. It's just.

[Michael]

Yeah, some of my friends have those kinds of stickers on theirs. But no, mine is just for, okay, useful purposes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree with the line of questioning, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

This is different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The stickers on the water bottle is. Look, it's a choice. And it's sometimes okay, but it's like, sometimes when you're like, I get it, you kayaked.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, well, it's an age thing.

[Michael]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You can have a bunch of. Of Mammoth, California.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

When you're 24.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

47. It's like, I don't care. I hate when I. I could tell you've been a lot of places you're sniffing 50.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dudes sometimes try to age themselves down and it's embarrassing. So, Michael, if you were to bottom line the question today, what would it be exactly?

[Michael]

Well, pretty much I'm trying to figure out. I'm trying to explain to her that my water bottle isn't a crutch and it's actually pretty practical, but there could be a chance, like, do I actually have a problem? Like, I'd like to have outside perspectives, because my family is convinced that they're leaning on her side. Like, they even are saying when I walk around with the bottle, they're like, oh, no, he's hitting the bottle again. And they're like, please don't bring it in.

[Paige]

Michael, where else do you bring this water bottle? Not just restaurants and around the house.

[Michael]

Yeah, it's. I. I mean, I bring it around pretty much where I go, like, to the gym or hanging with friends. And sometimes I do bring it like bars or clones.

[Jake Johnson]

Michael, it's getting a little weird. Paige. Paige, what are you thinking so far?

[Paige]

Honestly, I am with you. I am currently sitting right next to my emotional support water bottle.

[Michael]

So there we go.

[Paige]

You know, I also like to stay hydrated. I bring it with me all the time. So I feel like you have the right. Right person helping you out here. I'm on your side.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also like that you call it what it is. Maybe, Michael, maybe we do something a little different. Maybe we lean in that it is an emotional support water bottle, and you don't need therapy for it. You already have your therapy. It's the water bottle.

[Michael]

There it is.

[Jake Johnson]

And maybe we put a sticker on it that says, emotional support water bottle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like people can walk into a restaurant with a bird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, maybe. Maybe what we do is maybe we even go further. And maybe you put, like, a little set of goog, A mustache, and like, a jaunty hat on the side of it. And maybe you even get, like, a sticker that says we'll be on it or something like that.

[Jake Johnson]

I just own it. I'm. I'm Michael's emotion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michael's wobby.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm Michael's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michael's wubby. And you just lean into it. I. I will say I love to have a water bottle with me. Taking it into a bar, taking it into a restaurant. That's kind of where I. I. That I would not do, because it's.

[Jake Johnson]

A water bottle and not an emotional sport water bottle for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, I love having a dog. I'm not bringing it into a fancy restaurant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I. I think that's true. The other option, if I may. And then, if I may, the other option is that you show your family that it's not this, and you show them that you don't need it. And when you go in somewhere, you heighten some moment of severe lightheaded dehydration because you actually do run so thirsty that you do need this. And as you're trying to placate them, it leads to some minor medical moment where you do need water quickly, and that maybe shuts them up.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Michael]

You know, like saying some kind of medical problem, like, oh, I need water.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, and you need water. Now, the downside is that, look, look, they're going to. There's probably going to be a good amount of eye rolling. But I'll tell you what they won't do. If you're in a mall with them and you're, like, shopping for an hour or something, I need water. And you're in, like, a store in the waiting room, and you're going, water, water. And you need someone to go get you water.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth. You set a fire and you go like, oh, my God, does anybody have a water bottle?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he uses his water to put it out.

[Michael]

Yes, yes, please, God, if only someone had water.

[Jake Johnson]

And then all of a sudden back away and you just go like, could everybody please chill out? I have water for a lot of reasons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't worry. Yeah, this is. This water isn't just for drinking, fam.

[Paige]

What if you went a different route?

[Jake Johnson]

That's the old page.

[Paige]

What if you went a different route and just started buying, like, lots and lots of water bottles and had, like, an excessive collection of water bottles so that eventually they would be okay with just the one? You could say, oh, fine, I rid of some of these if I just keep the one. Okay.

[Michael]

Go to the extreme and then pull back and they're like, wow, he's a changed man. Even though we're doing the same thing.

[Paige]

Exactly. Like, it feels like you went on a journey.

[Jake Johnson]

Or what if you did a water bottle of your sister's face.

[Michael]

Print out, like, sticker?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, you could. I did it with my kids, where we made. We made, like, water bottles with, like, them as babies and gave it to family members. Members. You could go to one of these companies and have a water bottle that's all pictures of your sister while she was growing up. And so it's just a collage of her. And then she goes like, get that out of here. You go, I'll get this out of here, but I'm gonna have the other one and never comment on it. Or I bring this everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I like that. That I. Here's an. Here's an alt on that. Get a Camel pack. And, oh, that's that water backpack with the strawberry. And just start rocking that. And you do that for three weeks. They're gonna miss the water bottle so much that when you bring that thing out, nobody's gonna have those water turn.

[Jake Johnson]

Us into gerbils and cages, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're. They're nuts. Nuts. But if you saw someone recreationally wearing one.

[Jake Johnson]

I saw a guy in a restaurant with a camel bag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you know what else you could do? Like, when you're in the restaurant with your family, you could ask them to refill the bag. The, like, pack.

[Jake Johnson]

Lean forward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You lean forward, like, and you unzip it. Just. Can you screw it off a little? And just pour some of that in there. Cubes are great.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you. You go, still not sparkling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll do tap.

[Michael]

I'm like, please fill up the water. I'm like, fill up the glass. And like, oh, also this. Fill up me as well.

[Jake Johnson]

Do it back. Yeah. Paige, what else you think in there? Big killer?

[Paige]

I don't know. I'm still thinking about the one where you say it's like, emotional support, and maybe get, like, a printout from, like, a fake therapist that says, like, why you need it and why support animal.

[Michael]

Yeah, a nice disclaimer.

[Jake Johnson]

We got literal do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing? Let it go.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Let it go. So, Mike, we've given you a lot of shots on goal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Which one is getting past that goalie with the cute gloves?

[Michael]

I mean, this is great. This is all great ideas. I feel like buying, like, an excessive amount of water bottles is a little bit too much. It goes, like, the full gambit. And then my family will probably think I really have a problem. Even though they do. I think I really like the idea of getting, like, a sticker that just says, like, emotional support, water bottle.

[Jake Johnson]

And I like that leaning into it.

[Michael]

As, like, a fun little joke as well as, like. No, but I'm actually bringing it with me.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, Michael, I also like that laugh of yours. Yeah, it was a little evil villain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, we might be enabling right now, but I think something like, look, at the end of the day, who gives a.

[Jake Johnson]

Gives a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even if it is who gives a? You want to have water around you? I don't think that's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

You want to be a 50 year old man addresses like a 20 year old. Who cares?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy to do it, but who cares? Leave them alone.

[Jake Johnson]

Who cares?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leave them alone.

[Michael]

Yeah, like what they want me to do something practical like be addicted to heroin.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, no, you're drinking. By the way, water is the fountain of love life. And so, Michael, let's finish with you. Sir, Will you tell us, what are you gonna do here?

[Michael]

Well, I mean, I Do, like, the idea of, like, finding that emotional support water bottle sticker. I would probably have to do some research of, like, is there any kind of, like, printable sticker that has that. That I could like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can make your own real easy. You can get somebody.

[Jake Johnson]

We have somebody who's been emailing us who does sticker design. Michael. I'll find it and forward you her info.

[Michael]

Oh, yeah, that would really help.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Michael]

I'm totally down for that.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't vouch for at all. I just know she sent a lot of emails about making stickers for the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a good.

[Michael]

That's a voucher for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Without. She's like, I'm a sticker design. I'm like, I don't. What are we gonna do with a bunch of stickers?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go. Get ready.

[Jake Johnson]

So I think it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just connect the calling. Yeah.

[Michael]

I think we found our market.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think you're our market.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Get ready to have some options.

[Jake Johnson]

Every business, a customer. You just have to find him.

[Michael]

Look, you got to find your whale. You know, I'm the whale.

[Jake Johnson]

You're the whale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do love water. Okay, well, that sounds great. So we'll. Jake will link you up there, and then are you going to sort of make any big gesture with it, or you'll just be carrying it around and let your family kind of piece it together?

[Michael]

I mean, what do you guys think? Do you think it would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think for me to, like, watch personally. I. Well, Paige, what do you think? Maybe. Let's get your pov.

[Paige]

I don't know. I'm kind of going back and forth in my head. I think on one hand, just having it be subtle is totally fine, but then I'm also one for a grand gesture, and so I feel like you could always.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it's a grand dresser.

[Paige]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I go with just let it happen. But I think there's a pitch for both. I really do. I think it. And maybe it's different for people. Your sister. Maybe you want to go a little bigger with it. That it really. You know, it's kind of put it in your pipe and smoke it.

[Jake Johnson]

But I also think it's a very easy thing to send a group email to the family with a photo of it and say, hey, everybody, I've decided to lean into this. This is. What are we calling it? Wobby wob.

[Gareth Reynolds]

W. Wby Water.

[Jake Johnson]

Why we. Let's connect it to our producer, Rob. He's Wobby wob. It's Wubby Wubby Rob.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wubby Rob.

[Jake Johnson]

This is. This is Wubby Rob, Bob. He's been helping me a lot. He makes me feel very safe in restaurants. He helps cure my issues. Please accept him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about. How about if in the stick. In the sticker, we could have a talk bubble that just says, I'm here for you, Michael.

[Jake Johnson]

Or it also just says, thirsty, Thirsty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could have a few. A few talk bubbles, like a keychain with catchphrases.

[Jake Johnson]

But what are you thinking? You want to do an email to the group? You want to do a text? You want to do a grand unraveling? You want to just rock it and see what happens?

[Michael]

Well, I'm actually with my family right now. I'm visiting Colorado with my sister, so the whole family is here in one house at the.

[Jake Johnson]

Get her on the phone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. Or. Or did we want him to just go into the room where they are and make this announcement?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. You know what? Can you. That's a better idea. Will you. Gareth. You nailed it. Will you just go in there on speakerphone and make the announcement? Announcement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let him know, do we want to rehearse this or should he just go in?

[Jake Johnson]

What do you want, Michael? You want to rehearse it or just go live?

[Michael]

Well, is it that I'm telling them I'm going to get a sticker or just saying, like, my water bottle Is.

[Jake Johnson]

My emotional support water bottle named Wabi Rob? I'm not getting rid of it ever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think. Go in and go. Hey, listen, I know you. Some of you have had concerns about me in this water bottle for a while, and I think I finally come to terms with what I want to do do.

[Jake Johnson]

Bring Stevie in too. Steve just popped in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he's going to be in a sundress.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric has not replied to my text this morning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He just replied to Steve's.

[Jake Johnson]

That's because Eric's a star, Natalie.

[Paige]

Just want to make sure he knows.

[Jake Johnson]

He'S a little butt kisser. Steve, you're a little butt kisser who returns to text right away, not Eric.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, of course I am.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Steve Berg]

Are you just meeting me?

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, you little podcast.

[Steve Berg]

Every teacher loves me. Every parent loved me.

[Jake Johnson]

We're in the middle of a call with Michael and Paige. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone loves Steve.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello, Michael. Will you tell Steve what your problem is and what you're about to do?

[Michael]

Sure. Yeah. So, Steve, my issue is that I'm having an argument with my sister because I have a water bottle that I take around with me pretty frequently, and my sister is Saying that it's a crutch and it's an emot. Emotional support water bottle. And pretty much the solution that we came up with is that we're going to have a sticker that says emotional support water bottle, and we're calling it Wabi Rob in the name of the producer. And maybe we'll have little stickers saying like, thirsty or need help, baby?

[Steve Berg]

Thirsty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm here for you, Michael.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Aaron's here, too. I.

[Steve Berg]

It's a pretty good compromise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the pitch we have. What? We're basically on the precipice of King.

[Jake Johnson]

We're in the middle of a call.

[Eric]

Oh, beautiful.

[Jake Johnson]

I won't say wait really quickly. No, say something. Steve, will you tell Eric what this problem is?

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. So our man here. Yeah, he has. He loves to carry a water bottle around like I do as well, but his sister likes to bust his chops about it being an emotional support water bottle bottle. And so the compromise, it sounds like that he's going to put a sticker that says emotional support water bottle and maybe some other kind of, like, light ribbing. Is that. Is that the gist?

[Eric]

That's his big issue.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, Eric. You're coming in hot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now.

[Eric]

I'm coming in. I'm coming in medium. There's a lot going on in the world. I think we could. We could fight through this without people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric's got a. Eric.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's mute Eric. Let's mute Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric's got a. The mic of a pilot.

[Jake Johnson]

He just became Biff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Biff whiffed us.

[Jake Johnson]

We did a call. I was like, so what do you think? So her dad calls her B. And he goes like this. Who cares?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were like, okay, that's hurting.

[Paige]

How do I care?

[Michael]

I'm done. You know, that. That kind of emotionally hurt me. I'm going to take a sip of my water bottle right now.

[Jake Johnson]

So Michael is about to walk in the other room. Oh, guys, say hi to Paige, too.

[Steve Berg]

What up, Paige?

[Paige]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

We're not gonna tell pay. Oh, you know what, Steve, you're getting a product from Paige. Oh, in your P.O. box.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. I'm gonna go run.

[Paige]

Run Arrived today.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, that's exciting. I haven't got a notice yet, but I bet I'll go check it out as soon as I get that notice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We should probably have him open it on air with us.

[Jake Johnson]

Paige, do you want to tell them what you're sending them?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Paige]

Should I? Or should it be a surprise?

[Steve Berg]

I would love. I mean, let's not keep it a surprise, Jakey. J. J.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep it a surprise.

[Steve Berg]

I think so. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, great. Keep it a surprise. Okay. So, Michael, will you do the Gareth pitch where you walk into the room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Michael's in Denver with his whole family right now.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, the mile high city.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he's going to walk in to the room with his family and. Go ahead, Michael.

[Michael]

Yeah. And pretty much I, I would say something like, I know you've had concerns with my water bottle, but I'm going to. To. I found the solution. I'm going to get a sticker that says emotional support water bottle. And hopefully this will find the compromise between the. The problem in our house.

[Steve Berg]

Like, look, you're owning. You're owning the bit. Like this is. This is you winning. I think. I mean, like you're saying, like, yeah, make fun of me. It's an emotional support water bottle. I'm hydrated. And these things are a great weapon.

[Jake Johnson]

Happen and what are you mad about? Eric? I can tell you're pissed. I'm not.

[Eric]

I'm in no way mad. I'm in full support. I'm just wondering if the first steps toward growth in this might be a trip to a therapist's office to get to larger issues between you and your sister and, you know, stuff like. Stuff like this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's whiffing.

[Jake Johnson]

He's piffing. Yeah.

[Eric]

I think the microbial. The water bottle might be a microcosm for something. Something bigger.

[Steve Berg]

It looks like the dragon showed up today.

[Eric]

No, dragon's here to help.

[Jake Johnson]

Dragon. Dragon's here to help.

[Eric]

But I come in and here's three guys holding hands. I think sometimes you need just a wee bit of the tough love here of there's a lot going on in the world today. If she's making fun of you over a water bottle, just say, I'm hydrated when I'm 85 because I've been hydrating for so long. I hope you're still here with me. But if you're making fun of hydration, I don't know where you're at.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Michael, why don't you tell Eric where you bring the water bottle? Bottle.

[Michael]

I, I bring it around with me pretty frequently where I go. So, like, I do bring it into, like, restaurants or that's a bridge too far out with friends.

[Jake Johnson]

He brings it to bars. Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

I would say bars and restaurants is questionable. I mean, I bring. I travel with mine. Like, that's always in my backpack.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric brings vegan cheese to restaurants. That's true.

[Eric]

I keep it in my pocket. I keep it in my pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just. Eric, you did not make things better just now.

[Eric]

No, I just got busted.

[Jake Johnson]

Bad Gr.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bad saying. It's in my pocket.

[Eric]

See, that's the problem with my life and my track record is there's nothing I can have a high ground on. Nothing in this world. And I'm at least aware of it. But, like, yeah, I have vegan cheese. I bring my own sauce. I make Burgerville spread if anyone's been to the great Northwest burger chain in my pocket and dump it on stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Eric]

But I do it discreetly because deep down I have real embarrassment of bringing my own stuff into a restaurant. And I had a slight thing with. With my. My sainted wife last week because she likes bougie coffee. And I have this new diner by us I love. She's like, okay, well, I'll grab coffee at my place. I'm like, babe, I. I'd love it if we could power down and drink that coffee before we go into Delia's. That'd be incredible because I. I would be offended at her bringing in her bougie matcha lavender latte. Great place, like Delia's on yours.

[Steve Berg]

First off, I've never heard anyone pronounce a bushy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's bougie.

[Jake Johnson]

But, yeah, even my dyslexic act knows that's weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I have a little.

[Steve Berg]

I can say it properly. I have a. I have a, like, an official speech impediment and I'm nailing.

[Jake Johnson]

It.

[Eric]

For about 50 years.

[Steve Berg]

Brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no ass in bougie.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, but. Hey, Berg. Pretend it's not bougie. Pretend it's Souza Susa.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, I've been working with a speech pathologist.

[Jake Johnson]

Please. That's true.

[Steve Berg]

If not, I wish it was.

[Eric]

What do we Whip? Berg, your voice is your. Is your fortune.

[Jake Johnson]

It's gold. Thank you. Guys, Guys, we're in a call with Michael.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You started this, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

I know.

[Eric]

Give it to me, Michael. I'm here for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give it to Michael. I think. Well, I think what we're about to have him do. I think what we're about to have him do is go in the other room, make the announcement. I wouldn't be afraid Michael to say. I've heard the whispers. I know some of you talk. I am now leaning all the way in this water bottle is officially for emotional support. I'm getting stickers made. That's it. Anyone have any thoughts on this? And then when nobody does, because they're all like, jesus, Michael's gone crazy. Just walk back out with us.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's do it.

[Steve Berg]

I think that's good. And, Michael, I mean, as a. As a water bottle carrier myself, and I mean, I carry almost everywhere bars and restaurants. You may just, I would say, do some soul searching on that.

[Michael]

You know, I feel like you and me, Eric, were kind of the same, where I think you should also get a sticker for your cheese that you bring into restaurants.

[Jake Johnson]

You're not wrong.

[Eric]

I wear most emotional support needs on my face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Michael, take a deep breath. We're on speaker. Go in there. Do your thing, buddy.

[Steve Berg]

Oh, this is happening live.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Steve Berg]

This is exciting.

[Jake Johnson]

God, I can't believe I'm here.

[Steve Berg]

By the way, Jake, I've never seen you dress like this. You look like a. An MTV DJ from 15 years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stephen Holden.

[Steve Berg]

He knows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He does.

[Michael]

Family, I have an announcement to make. I know you've had concerns. I've heard the whispers about my emotional support water bottle. But to persuade those concerns, I'm leaning full in. I'm gonna print out a little sticker that says emotional support water bottle and stick it on there and probably have little comments saying, how can I help? Or thirsty. And I hope that you'll be able to, you know, we'll be able to find the compromise here. Yeah, that was the suggestion they gave me. They're on the phone right now, so they're.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, guys.

[Michael]

I guess so. They say at least it's honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I heard one. I guess so.

[Eric]

First off, Michael, let's celebrate. You clearly have a cool face. Family, that. That's supportive.

[Jake Johnson]

But, Michael, you might be the coolest member of the bunch.

[Michael]

Yeah, thanks. You know, at least some people appreciate me.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Walk out of the room, Michael. Walk out of the room, Michael. Keep us posted if there's any updates. We definitely want to see what the finished product looks like. And, Paige, thank you for not only crushing your follow up, but for being an assist on this as well.

[Paige]

Well, well, thanks for including me. This was a lot of fun.

[Jake Johnson]

This was a lot of fun. Thank you, Paige.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paige, Michael, we love you.

[Steve Berg]

Have a nice weekend.

[Paige]

Love you too. Have a good day.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com and you. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto helppod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis Associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike Animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Jake Johnson]

All video episodes of season one are.

[Narrator]

Available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelp pod hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'm Dan O'. Sullivan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And this is the Outfit, the new.

[Jake Johnson]

Podcast from Higher Ground and Hedge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, we're two journalists who are slightly.

[Jake Johnson]

Obsessed with the mob and organized crime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And other nefarious stuff like that.

[Jake Johnson]

Every week we're gonna bring you a story about a mobster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help.

[Jake Johnson]

Explain why America is like this. See, the Mob explains all sorts of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars. Who knew? Who knew the mob involved?

[Jake Johnson]

All that and more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get.

[Jake Johnson]

Your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.