199: We're Here to Chat Vol. 3: Good Goofy Fun (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

We're Here to Help
Episode 199: We're Here to Chat Vol. 3: Good Goofy Fun (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)
Date: August 20, 2025

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Overview

In this rollicking, conversational episode, hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds invite long-time friends and comedic heavy-hitters Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein for a laid-back, laughter-filled installment of “We're Here to Chat.” The group regale each other with personal stories, good-natured ribbing, and run psychological investigations into everything from “pocket cheese” habits to bizarre estate-sale trophies—all of it peppered with their signature blend of sincerity and goofiness. A live call-in from listener Liz launches a hilarious and ultimately heartwarming dig into online catfishing—a scheme targeting Steve’s own photos. The episode is a free-wheeling hang between friends, exploring the little oddities of life, friendship, and the spirit of helping out, even when no one’s exactly sure how.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Opening Antics & “Pocket Cheese” Confession

[00:41–07:39]

• Eric Edelstein is playfully grilled about his long-term habit of carrying vegan cheese in his pocket to restaurants.
  • Steve Berg: “He’s been doing it for a...decade. It’s before he was a vegan.” (02:05)
  • The running joke: “pocket warmth” helps melt the cheese, which Eric claims improves the meal (“That little bit of pocket warmth only helps the situation...” – 03:13).
  • Friends alternately tease and admire his shamelessness, debating if pocket cheese is a quirky lifehack or a social line-crosser.

Goofy Restaurant Stories & Sleight of Hand

[03:40–08:07]

• Stories about Eric practicing “cheese sleight of hand,” attempting to sneak vegan cheese into meals without friends noticing.
• Steve Berg: “You’re the David Copperfield of your generation.” (04:17)

Friends Roasting Friends: Bone Broth, Side-Taking, and “Big Dad” Energy

[08:14–11:12]

• Steve tells a story about deftly switching opinions based on who he’s with (pleasant to Jake’s wife, honest to Jake).
  • Jake Johnson: “He goes, I meant it when I was talking to her, and I meant it when I was talking to you.” (09:05)
• Jake and Gareth joke how fast Steve and Eric can flip allegiances in friend arguments.

Special Segment: Catfished With Steve’s Face

[12:20–19:21]

• Liz (Caller) shares her story about finding a Bumble dating profile in Chicago using Steve Berg’s photos—by someone named “Tim.”
  • They review the fake dating profile and joke about how “Tim” cropped in famous people (Jack Black) as low-key bragging.
  • Steve Berg: “This is one of the most flattering things I ever...” (13:59)
• The friends (and Liz) brainstorm elaborate “reverse catfishing” plots to expose the faux-Steve.
• Jake Johnson: “What would be incredible is we match him, we get him, we lure him...and we fly Berg out to this area and Berg goes to meet him.” (19:00)

Meta Moments: Glamour Shots Challenge

[26:26–34:39]

• The group plans to finally collect on an old bet: Steve must take “unironic” glamour shots directed by each host.
  • Heated, hilarious debate on themes—ranging from “dusty cowboy” to “boy band member with glasses.”
  • Jake Johnson: “The audience will vote on not what’s funnier—what’s sexier.” (31:27)
• The “sexy shoot” is to be organized via an Omaha photographer, with friend-directors on Zoom calling the shots.

Eric’s Dick Van Dyke Museum Charity Ticket Fiasco

[35:02–44:26]

• Eric shares his email dispute seeking a refund after paying $300 for a Dick Van Dyke charity show where Van Dyke (aged 99) couldn’t perform.
  • Eric Edelstein: “We left halfway through when it turned into Stu interviewing audience members. There was a huge line of upset people...” (39:02)
• The group laughs at the escalation of Eric’s polite but increasingly desperate emails, including a fib about flying in a friend.
• The saga continues with Eric vowing to return for a possible reschedule and Jake signing on to document the next attempt.

Paranormal Sleepover Vows & Haunted Hotel Adventures

[48:20–49:49]

• Steve proposes an overnight paranormal investigation with the group.
  • Steve Berg: “I would love to…when I’m out in California next time, go do a paranormal investigation and overnight with you guys.” (48:37)
• Jake and Eric joke about their differing tolerances for ghost scares; Eric confesses “I’m very scared of that stuff,” but agrees to stay in the infamous room where Gram Parsons died.

The Art of the Estate Sale: Epic Finds and Superstitions

[51:22–57:38]

• Eric reveals his love for bizarre estate-sale finds, listing off Mannix’s (actor Mike Connors) trench coat, Bill Walton’s tie-dye, Neil Young’s train, and—most bizarrely—a sand art piece from Burt Reynolds’ estate which may come with a “curse.”
  • Steve Berg: “Man, I’d like to put my EMF reader all over that thing.” (55:53)
• Eric also won a certificate for the adoption of “Burt Reynolds, the turtle,” which (he later discovers) vanished somewhere in the Atlantic.

Wrap-Up: Reflections on Mistakes, Living Weird, and Friendship

[60:50–64:12]

• The crew reflects on the episode’s running gags and resolves to follow-up on the glamour shots, Dick Van Dyke concert, and the catfish investigation.
• Gareth openly admires Eric’s endless appetite for life’s adventures:
  • Gareth Reynolds: “The adventures you'll take yourself on ... That’s how to live, Eric.” (62:10)
• Jake tempers it with mock-seriousness:
  • Jake Johnson: “You should not spend $400 on a certificate to adopt a turtle.” (62:40)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Pocket Cheese:

  • Eric: “Sometimes I can make eye contact with somebody...and they won’t even notice I’m dropping all this cheese in...” (03:22)
  • Steve: “Everyone notices. I mean, you’re taking... It’s a crap single, mind you.” (03:38)

• On Getting Catfished (Steve’s Photos):

  • Liz: “The photos looked a little bit familiar and I realized he was catfishing using Steve Berg’s photos.” (12:29)
  • Steve: “This is insanely flattering.” (14:02)

• On Catfish Justice:

  • Jake: “If this turns into a Catfish runner, Liz, if your friends get in it, we could have you all back on...Maybe we can bust this guy.” (18:49)

• On Unconventional Shopping:

  • Eric: “I got his trench coat. Japanese rainwear. I got some loafers. It was (from Mannix’s estate sale) … When I travel with Mannix’s duffel bag, do you know how good I feel?” (52:27)
  • Eric: “I won a certificate for adoption of a turtle named Burt Reynolds.” (55:59)

• On Friendship:

  • Gareth: “It seems to be endless with the things...the adventures you’ll take yourself on. And that’s how to live, Eric.” (62:28)

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Timeline of Key Moments

• 00:41: Show kicks off, immediate riffing on “pocket cheese.”
• 03:40: Eric admits sneaking cheese into meals undetected.
• 08:14: Steve’s adaptable allegiances in friend group disputes; being two-faced in the funniest way.
• 12:20: Caller Liz shares the Steve Berg catfish saga; group begins plotting a response.
• 17:47: Plans for reverse catfish and “PI Investigation.”
• 26:26: Bet pay-off: Steve must take “sexy glamour shots,” hosts to direct competing shoots.
• 35:02: Eric details the Dick Van Dyke refundable ticket disaster with escalating emails.
• 48:20: Paranormal investigation proposal; Eric hesitantly agrees.
• 51:22: Estate sale trophies and superstitions: Mannix’s coat, Burt Reynolds sand art, and more.
• 55:59: The saga of Burt Reynolds the turtle adoption.
• 60:50: Episode recap; commitments to next steps, mutual admiration and roast.

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Takeaways & Future Challenges

• Steve’s photos are being used maliciously yet flatteringly in the dating wilds; the podcast team will pursue catfish justice.
• Glamour shots are officially back, with a three-way directorial battle in the works—expect vote-based judging on sexiness, not irony.
• The Dick Van Dyke refund saga set a new gold standard for customer service perseverance and comedic escalation.
• Eric’s estate-sale addiction and turtle philanthropy make for perfect “weird friend” lore—equal parts inspiration and warning.
• The show’s heart is in celebrating oddball details, mutual ribbing, and turning everyday embarrassments into group adventure.

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Signature Tone

Goofy, self-aware, and surprisingly sincere—like a late-night conversation among old friends who never tire of pointing out, and celebrating, each other’s quirks. The genuine affection beneath the good-natured teasing shines, even as the hosts (and guests) keep each other honest in life’s oddities.

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Transcript

[Eric Edelstein]

Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and four piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's.

[Jake Johnson]

Price and participation may vary. And we are back. Volume three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's. We're here to enable on that, guys. Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does that mean.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think so. King.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's his issue. See, look at the news.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric, do you know what the premise of this show is?

[Eric Edelstein]

I know, but you've done some real help. I've heard other ones and it's massive help. I, I, I think his family. There's a larger issue there.

[Jake Johnson]

What's the larger? Dr. Fucking Berg over here now we're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Talking about the call that happened on our last episode. We just finished it. About the guy who had the emotional support water bottle. And, and Eric, Eric takes issue with the level of how large of a problem this is. A guy who carries vegan cheese in his pocket.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And sauce. I know I don't have a leg to stand on yet. I'll still try. That's the magic of me.

[Jake Johnson]

What I will say for real, which is insane. And we sent this photo to Steve the day it was happening and we'll post it, but Eric and I went to a Mexican restaurant in Burbank and while we were there, right before Eric pulled out pocket cheese and goes like.

[Eric Edelstein]

Brother, we're eating good in there.

[Jake Johnson]

And I died laughing. I had never heard of somebody carrying around pocket cheese.

[Steve Berg]

This is not, he's been doing it for a, I mean, I would really say about a decade. It's before he was a vegan. I remember. What was that breakfast place we went to in Burbank, Eric?

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, Magnolia Grill.

[Steve Berg]

Magnolia Grill. I remember him like a decade ago pulling it and he didn't even say anything about it. He's like, do, do, do. His omelette came and all of a sudden he's like. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, man.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I don't know. I don't know if pocket cheese is okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

No. Because the pocket starts to melt it a tiny bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's, that's where that's kind of. No, honestly, every part of it is. I'm okay with most of it, but it's, it's that the squishy melty factor of it. The, the bringing it out and having people see you is problematic. But if you can get over that. Then that. There you go.

[Steve Berg]

He doesn't care. He was doing it in front of, like the server.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that. That's strange to me.

[Eric Edelstein]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's what the pocket does to the cheese that I find odd. That I like that.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's the extra sauce.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's hard to melt vegan cheese. That's why if you're melting at home, you need to do a wet melt with steam and you cover it or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just put it in your pants.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, yeah. If I'm going to Magnolia Grill or Delia's, that little bit of pocket warmth only helps the situation because it's a. It's a chemical product.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a bad answer.

[Eric Edelstein]

But now I do a soft cheese sometimes and bring it in like a little Ziploc. Sometimes I can make eye contact with somebody I'm eating with that I know will really tease me for it. And they won't even notice I'm dropping all this cheese in and my meal improves.

[Jake Johnson]

I always notice.

[Eric Edelstein]

You always notice.

[Steve Berg]

Everyone notices. I mean, you're taking.

[Jake Johnson]

Not a subtle guy.

[Steve Berg]

It's a crap single, mind you.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I can walk in on someone. Yeah, but I can walk in on someone's eyes and tell a story and have them maybe not look down at the cheese.

[Jake Johnson]

No, because they're afraid.

[Eric Edelstein]

I did it at the smokehouse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Results there.

[Eric Edelstein]

I didn't want. I'll be honest, I went with my two Fusco brothers from Twin Peaks, and I did not want David Keckner to see me doing the vegan cheese or make fun of me, even though he's a glorious man. And I actually told a story and pulled vegan cheese out of a Ziploc and dropped it in without either of them noticing.

[Steve Berg]

So you're doing sleight of hand.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, yeah. Like a man. Like a magician.

[Steve Berg]

Truly.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop this.

[Steve Berg]

You're the David Copperfield of your generation.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, there's some problematic things.

[Steve Berg]

Well, maybe, yeah, you're right. Maybe not.

[Eric Edelstein]

Maybe not. I am preskin, baby.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Eric, just because a man doesn't comment while you're steamrolling through a direct eye contact story doesn't mean they don't see your hand come out and you pour cheese on your food. I know you're an intense guy and you got great eyes and you tell a great story. You can see other things around. It's not such intense tunnel vision. That man Eric was telling me a story about some concert he went to from some 98 year old guy playing the synthesizer, and I didn't notice his hands cheesing his food. I just went, I don't know. I'm listening to this story. I'm keeping up. It's going a lot of places. And while he's telling the story, he pulled cheese out of his pocket, but he didn't stop talking for eight minutes. So I can't go back. Well, the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also think there's a chance, Jake. There's a chance that if you see someone do that, you think, whoa, I don't even want to go there.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly. That's exactly right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm so worried.

[Eric Edelstein]

There was a slight look of fear in some people's eyes now that I look back. Gareth, I thought something else or like the story was that good or telling about going on Brian Wilson's bus and scaring him. Was that interesting? Maybe.

[Jake Johnson]

What's the Brian Wilson story, Eric?

[Eric Edelstein]

In my drinking area, I was at a Beach Boys show. Show got backstage and I had a poster, and I was getting everyone to sign it. And then I was like, where's Brian? Like, oh, you missed me. He was on the bus, and I was feeling no pain and walked on that bus and totally scared Brian. But he signed the poster.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, that's for a poor man who has, like. Who is a fragile to begin with. Imagine if you didn't know Eric, and, like, you came on your tour bus being a very fragile individual, and all of a sudden, the dragon's in there. I mean, could I you sign my poster book, sir?

[Eric Edelstein]

I've been reading Catcher in the Rye. I'm not proud of it. These are reasons I don't drink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now y' all got a cheese leak in his pocket.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? You know what Eric said after that story results?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, while Eric told us that story, he was putting cheese on something.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. You didn't even see it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very good.

[Steve Berg]

Eric and I used to go to this dim sum place in Chinat, and they. They did not speak a lot of English at this place. And we would go in there and eat, and Eric would look at every server busboy that would come out. He'd go, eric, go, hot oil, please. And no one had any idea what the hell they're talking about because that's, like, not a thing they serve. I mean, hot oil, please.

[Eric Edelstein]

And they were just.

[Steve Berg]

They were just. They was truly baffled. Look of confusion on their face was terrific.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you asking? You're asking for, like, a spicy oil chili oil.

[Eric Edelstein]

Now, chili oil, chili oil, you get it? But the years of hot oil. It took me a while to make that oil. Yeah, but does it make the dim sum? Does it make the dim sum?

[Steve Berg]

Look, it was. It was delicious. But, like, you were incessant about asking for it anyway. I mean, people who didn't even work there. I think you were asking, do you know where the hot oil is?

[Eric Edelstein]

See, this. This is the revelation. Because for years I thought you were into the hot oil, too. Because I was, too.

[Steve Berg]

I'm into.

[Eric Edelstein]

Ate the hot oil. And I'm. Jeez, Eddie, the only thing we're missing is hot oil. Get more hot, please.

[Steve Berg]

You're probably right.

[Eric Edelstein]

Seriously.

[Steve Berg]

You're probably right.

[Eric Edelstein]

If you're willing to ask for more hot oil, I am willing to eat it. Big dad. Now all of a sudden, the hot oil is an embarrassment. No, it's not. I'm just the web we weave. Stephen.

[Jake Johnson]

Why do you think we call him 50?

[Gareth Reynolds]

50.

[Jake Johnson]

He'll go, I mean, I love the hot oil, but Jesus, he asked. Everybody was hilarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But how good is the hot oil?

[Eric Edelstein]

I have some in my fridge, but it's embarrassing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the worst thing I've ever been a part of.

[Jake Johnson]

Steve came into my house years ago when my kids were first born, and my wife was making this bone broth thing for the kids. It was like a really healthy formula. It smelled so bad. And Aaron and I were in a big fight about it because I'm like, our house smells so gross. And Steve walked in the house, and it was just me and him. And he goes like, jesus, John. So your house smells like a dirty locker. Feels like there's. And I was like, I know. I hate it. He's like. Like, yuck, I can't even be in here. And then Aaron walks in, and without missing a beat, he goes, hello, sweet Aaron. I just love coming into the house. I feel like it's Thanksgiving. It smells so lovely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like, that is so the.

[Jake Johnson]

And he goes, I meant it when I was talking to her, and I meant it when I was talking to you.

[Steve Berg]

I did. It's true. It's true. If it came from. If Aaron came to the door and it smelled like that. Oh, what you making? Little chicken needle soup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's what you did. Yeah, that's the story.

[Steve Berg]

When it's generating.

[Jake Johnson]

He might shake.

[Steve Berg]

It's different.

[Jake Johnson]

But he might have literally gone, what you make in chicken noodles? And Aaron was so tickled. And I'm like, I just got a whole five minutes about how my house smells like dirty socks.

[Eric Edelstein]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He will turn on you so fast.

[Eric Edelstein]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like all on your side until the other person he also an argument he'll make will cave so quickly. He'll be like, you got to go in there and tell him exactly what you feel. And then you're like, yeah, but I'm worried about this. He's like, yeah, that could be Korea suicide. You're like, wait, but I. What?

[Steve Berg]

Well, I'm willing to change my mind given when I'm given new information. That's true.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that is a good trait.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's a good trade.

[Steve Berg]

I'm not gonna dig my heels in the sand. Jesus, guys. I mean, I know nothing. I'm just a big old dumb idiot with a lip.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, no, now you're playing video.

[Eric Edelstein]

Are you kidding?

[Jake Johnson]

You're just looking to get comfort. Wants people being like, no, we love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're so sweet.

[Jake Johnson]

Please, I'm just a dumb idiot with a l. And then a second later, I'm the star of these volume chats. So the other three guys talk a lot, but literally I'm carrying the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, guys, I'm number one on the call sheet next.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, exactly. Is there any way I could get on before Eric and have him leave so I have some space to breathe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you say we do 10 minutes, the three of us, then we bring Eric in and what do you.

[Jake Johnson]

Think we get in third of the three of us, get rid of the two MTV boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ye. I'll open, then I'll bring out Jake, then Eric and Gareth could close it out with us.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, just do it. Wait, we have a guest.

[Liz (Caller)]

Yeah, yeah, I have a guest that's here waiting to tell you guys a story.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Oh my God. I do know about this. I'm so sorry.

[Liz (Caller)]

You asked me.

[Jake Johnson]

I activated this.

[Liz (Caller)]

So you have like five things that you asked me to bring up during this.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, I get, you know, the way my brain works. I get excited. But then the problem is I'm just a dumb idiot with a lisp and I forget. That's sadly true, Jake.

[Steve Berg]

We can talk about that later. We can talk about that later.

[Jake Johnson]

But I'm just a really sweet guy. I just dress. I'm like a 20 year old guy. I just forget everything. I have no confidence. I'm so insecure. I just really want other people to shine. I just. I don't know, I'm just a little geeky dork, I guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love this, Jake. This would be the best.

[Eric Edelstein]

God.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But Steve, you're going to think this is another prank and I'm okay that you think that. And the reason I'm bringing her on is because look at his face. We got. But I don't know anything about this besides the email. I don't know if this is going to be funny. I know the start's going to be very funny to me, but I asked her to do a move to double check and it didn't work out so far, but. So, Natalie, will you bring her in? This was just an email that Shell got.

[Steve Berg]

Okay. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're. She's got her video too, correct?

[Liz (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hi, Liz.

[Liz (Caller)]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Liz, will you tell us why you emailed in and walk us what happened? And then.

[Liz (Caller)]

Sure, sure, sure. So I was, you know, perusing the dating apps in Chicago and came across a profile, a man named Tim. But the photos looked a little bit familiar and I realized he was catfishing using Steve Berg's photos.

[Jake Johnson]

Natalie, will you send us the photos?

[Steve Berg]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My God.

[Jake Johnson]

And then keep going to the other pages. 5, 10, sometimes drinks, no smoke. He's a man open to kids. Don't have kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're in yoga. I think this is actually Steve.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. What are we doing?

[Jake Johnson]

Steve's way bigger than 5, 10, 4. He's 6, 4.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He picked a great picture there. Wow. With Jack Black.

[Steve Berg]

Crop out Jack Blackweather hair.

[Jake Johnson]

They left.

[Eric Edelstein]

That's why I believe this is really Steve, because he's putting the beaver hair out there.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. My hair was really.

[Jake Johnson]

Bieber era was insane. But he left enough of Jack's face to let the person know. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly.

[Eric Edelstein]

Smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way.

[Steve Berg]

This is amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Liz, you emailed in and then I emailed you back. Correct?

[Liz (Caller)]

You did, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And I said, will you please come on the show or. I don't remember what I said. I knew I was dying. I wanted to just text all you guys this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake, way to go.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, I'm not. I would have text Steve this right now, but I'm like, let's just do this on this show.

[Steve Berg]

This is one of the most flattering things I ever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Insanely flattering.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. Yeah, so you're hung. So what happened, Liz?

[Liz (Caller)]

Well, yeah, so I was hoping we could maybe do like a prank or something. But the problem is that, you know, you have to each swipe right on Bumble in order to match. And this man who won't even show his face will not match with me on the table.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Liz, this guy's hanging out with Jack Bland.

[Liz (Caller)]

I know.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's not true. But here's what you can maybe do, guys, maybe we could create a cat. We could bumble him back with a catfish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. It is. How come?

[Eric Edelstein]

Why?

[Liz (Caller)]

Well, you have to. You have to randomly come across his profile again.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, Liz, you can't put it. You can't find.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You would have to start it or have like one of your married friends started, like, so in the area. Because it's going to be location based, right?

[Liz (Caller)]

Yeah, it would have to be.

[Jake Johnson]

Never mind.

[Liz (Caller)]

It's in Chicago. And I mean, we could potentially try it. But also, you know, I don't know if maybe he's not even active on this profile. I don't know what he's gonna get from. You know, it's not like he's meeting up with people. I don't think on the profile. So I don't really know what his game is or why he has.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, I wonder what the motive is. Just to mess with people.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know what it would be.

[Liz (Caller)]

Because he matched with everybody. Like, wouldn't he match with me just to mess with me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Liz (Caller)]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. I would think that he. Look, first of all, Steve, you are exactly right. This is high praise to have your picture used. This is big. This is big. You should feel like big right now.

[Eric Edelstein]

You are catfish of the world right now, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're. Look at you.

[Steve Berg]

Well, I did do some modeling work.

[Jake Johnson]

For H and M. All right, let's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come back to earth. And. And so. So this is a big thing. This is what I would say, Liz. Just let's. Let's throw out a Hail Mary prayer. If you could have someone, we could just, you know, figure out a picture. We could figure out who we want. But if you start one with what we think Tim's type is, and maybe we get him on the line and maybe we can boat him. Maybe we can get him on board.

[Jake Johnson]

If we could get him to some town. I mean, if you could help us, Liz, any way you think if you could.

[Liz (Caller)]

I'm willing to put the effort in so I can just. I think just use a separate email.

[Steve Berg]

Would it be stupid to like, like, either through like AI or Photoshop, like take some other pictures of me and make them put like long hair in a flowy dress and then catfish them like that? It's like a female.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Steve, we have different goals. I mean, I think that what we're dealing with right now is opposing wants. Yours is to see what a lady you would look like. Which is a fun thought experiment for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

That's assuming he picked you because he's attracted to you, Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Eric Edelstein]

Logic's weird, bro. Hell of a leap. Hell of a leap. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pocket cheese jump ship burn.

[Eric Edelstein]

I think we just found Steve's burner, and he's terrified, and he's doing the job of his lifetime right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we could start one and let's just throw it out there. I. Liz, I mean, are. Do you or may. I don't know if you don't want to be associated with it or whatever, but we should just try to catfish back. And what I would do is through all the things that we see here, all the likes and all the. The. Those things. Tag those. So we have the common thread. Obviously, the stuff you put on there matched with this person. So maybe just kind of copy your profile and let's see if we can get a match. It's unlikely, but holy hell, if we can.

[Jake Johnson]

If it happens. Liz, that's mass. It would be amazing.

[Liz (Caller)]

I'm thinking maybe I can, you know, enlist a group of friends and we all create a profile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is awesome. This is awesome, people.

[Liz (Caller)]

Because people will do it. And, you know, I just say, look for this profile. Try to match with it, and even, like, you know, I just swiped right, and if you hit that star button, it's like a super like. So maybe if I super liked the profile, they would actually be perfect, willing to communicate. So. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because I also say, as a guy who's watched 140 episodes of Catfish.

[Liz (Caller)]

Me too.

[Jake Johnson]

I love the show. By the way, what did you think of Cami, the host?

[Liz (Caller)]

I liked her.

[Jake Johnson]

I thought she was great.

[Liz (Caller)]

Yeah, I thought she was great, too. I liked all their posts. They have added, like, Max, too. I thought they were.

[Jake Johnson]

Max was great. Max was great. But I think Cammie took it to another level. But that's not about this. I. I think there's something about catfishing that you got to get exposed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. And if this turns into a catfish runner, Liz, if your friends get in it, we could have you guys all back on. We would love to talk to the other ladies. We'd love to find the photos as a group. Maybe we'll have you on for a few of these chats with us.

[Liz (Caller)]

Okay.

[Steve Berg]

And we'll.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll turn this into a little PI Investigation. Let's bust this guy, because I would like him to have to meet Steve.

[Steve Berg]

I would love it. The best person, you know, you Have Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what would be incredible. What would be incredible is we match him, we get him, we lure him, we set up this date in whatever capacity we can. And we fly Berg out to this area and Bird goes to meet him.

[Steve Berg]

Hey, hey, sailor.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, we could film that. That would be a blast.

[Steve Berg]

That would be amazing. I would. I would do it in a second.

[Jake Johnson]

King, how hot are you right now that it's not your photos? Go ahead, you've been.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm a little hurt. I'm a little hurt, but I don't have hair like that. That I don't have. What Berg's got on a dating pool. I'm more of like, you meet and then I kind of like. Oh, interesting. Okay, maybe no immediacy. You pick.

[Steve Berg]

That's not true.

[Eric Edelstein]

Look at it.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't. I think your hair is rocking these days, Brock.

[Eric Edelstein]

I do love it. I love it.

[Jake Johnson]

Just don't do the high and tight shave again. The Eric high and tight.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I'm tempted. It's getting hot.

[Jake Johnson]

I know it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't do it hot like a dog.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, my God.

[Steve Berg]

Full beard is amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

But Eric is like a golden retriever who's got this like beautiful long hair and then when he gets hot, he shaves it down. You're like, golden retriever shouldn't be shaved down. No, brother feels good.

[Eric Edelstein]

And that's what my wife, the dog rumor says too. She doesn't like it either.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, I've talked to her about it.

[Eric Edelstein]

She wants the Victor French look. And who can blame.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I. I doubt that's a quote. I doubt if she said give me the Victor French.

[Jake Johnson]

No, she says it in bed. Give me the Victor.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I just turn up the highway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To Heaven theme and he puts on an A's hat.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I have that hat. I should have worn it today. I'll wear it next episode, I promise.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Squarespace. Look, you know what? It is all in one website platform. It helps you stand out, helps you succeed online, scale your business up. It gives you everything helps you get from the domain claim to showing off all the things you can offer to building it up. My website is a Squarespace website. I love my website. It could not be easier, you know that it's user friendly if I'm using it and it looks so professional as well as the fact that we use. We use Squarespace all the time on this show to help corroborate some, you know, normally, some nonsense. But don't forget about the, the, the suits and wig party that that was thrown, we had them Squarespace it up. We had a woman on the show who wanted to do something that she didn't want her boss to know about. So we created an entire fake chef website. I'm sure that Squarespace is, you know, they are like happy to have you use their website for professional stuff, but we've used it for a couple fibs. There's cutting edge design, it's got an AI enhanced web builder. There's SEO tools, domains. I mean look, this is your dream. You need a domain. Squarespace domains make it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair all inclusive price.

[Jake Johnson]

So go to squarespace.com Gil sent me for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Gil sent me to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans? Getting burned by your old wireless bill. While you're planning beach trips, BBQs and three day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding back. That's why I made the switch to Mint Mobile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With Mint, you can get coverage at speed you're used to, but for way less money. Gives you money to buy coal for the barbecue. Maybe it's propane. Either way, it's not going to be a propane with your wireless bill. I'm sorry. So for a limited time, Mint mobile is offering three months of unlimited premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month. So while your friends are sweating over data, overages and surprise charges, you'll be chilling. Literally and financially. Say bye bye to those overpriced wireless plans. Jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages, Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with your existing contacts. There's nothing changes there. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of unlimited service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks. Bucks a month.

[Jake Johnson]

This year, skip breaking a sweat and break in the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a [e-mail] here to help. That's mintmobile.com here to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Upfront payment of 45 required equivalent to 15amonth limited time. New customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes. And fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. And we are brought to you by Quince. I just, I'm grunting because of how much I love Quince. I love Quince the best. Why are you going to spend all this money on clothing when you don't have to? Quince has the best stuff. High quality fabrics, classic fits, lightweight layers for warmer weather. And they're all set to prices that make sense. I carry so much Quint's stuff with me on the road. I wear it when I have to look good for podcasting. Even though Jake will make fun of me for reinventing my look. Well, Quint has been a big part of that. Quince has closet staples you'll want to reach for over and over. Like a cozy cashmere and cotton sweater for $50. They've got breathable flow knit polos, comfortable lightweight pants. Truly stuff you can wear when you're just kind of chilling out or when you want to go look kind of nice for dinner, whatever you're doing.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna be honest now, I do wear some quints. I like their shirts a lot. I like the pants. They are high quality so I can wear them if I've got a work event. But they're also very comfortable. So Quince has become a long sponsor of ours and I'm a man who wears Quince. Looks professional, it's easy, feels good, it's comfortable. So keep it classic and cool with long lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com here to help for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Quince Q-U-I-N C E.com here to help to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com here to help Liz. So we're calling it a page now. We had a caller, Paige, who came in and she just crushed it. She took the lead and she made choices. So I'm asking you to please pager this, enlist your friends, get going, make some moves and come back on and then let us know where you're at.

[Eric Edelstein]

That, Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't worry about making choices. See what happens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're right. With the super likes, I'll go to.

[Steve Berg]

Chicago in and meet this guy.

[Jake Johnson]

Incredible.

[Steve Berg]

It would be, I mean I, I cannot imagine the look on this dude's face.

[Liz (Caller)]

Like, yeah, that would be the best end goal.

[Steve Berg]

It really would.

[Jake Johnson]

Even if we just did a zoom chat.

[Eric Edelstein]

Liz, this was awesome.

[Liz (Caller)]

Yeah, of course. Thank you for having me on and.

[Steve Berg]

It really made my day live. Thank you.

[Liz (Caller)]

You you're very welcome. Thanks for having me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks, Liz.

[Liz (Caller)]

Goodbye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stephen Berg, the heartthrob.

[Jake Johnson]

Pretty good.

[Steve Berg]

Well, well, well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

New era.

[Steve Berg]

Well, it makes me. You know, I've been toying with the idea of having a photographer for me to lay on a Corvette, and now I think I'm gonna do that.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That poor hood.

[Jake Johnson]

Actually, yeah. You owe Gareth and I a photo shoot from some stupid bet years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know exactly what bet it was.

[Jake Johnson]

What was it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was the bet where we bet on a playoff game that had already happened. And then he bet the Texans. He bet the Texans to beat the Bengals at a game that already had happened. And I came. Jake takes me and I come in and I go. Everyone's going, houston, babe. It's Bengals. And Bird goes, that's what I'm thinking. And he's like, you're on the game. The game was over.

[Jake Johnson]

But Garrick, you were with us. We went to Derek's house. We were watching the games. Would show highlights of the game that just happened. I have photos of it. You were just staring at Scout Dex, Gareth. And I'd be like, it's going to be blown right now. And Gareth would be like, patience.

[Steve Berg]

The amount of times you guys have absolutely nailed it to the wall.

[Jake Johnson]

But the loser of that bet. Well. And we just never made you do them because there was another one where you were going to have to take a Zumba class.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Zumba.

[Jake Johnson]

And we didn't make you do that one.

[Steve Berg]

Well, you know, maybe it's time to make right on these bets, I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Glamour shots. The.

[Jake Johnson]

The photo sh. Was really fun, was. You have to take glamour shots, and you can't try to be funny. You're trying to look as hot as possible, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I'm. I'm looking that up.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. Natalie, will you show the photo of Gareth?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a.

[Eric Edelstein]

That does them. It's analog.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, hold on, hold on.

[Liz (Caller)]

Have it on my computer.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett literally just did this. But not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way. There are glamour shots.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop changing the subject, young king.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm going to send a bunch of links we should click on.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop. We're going to get to that. Young king.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Liz (Caller)]

Where is this picture now? I can't find it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's the end of the app, so thanks, everybody.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, no, I got it.

[Steve Berg]

I got it. If there's glamour shots, I'll go do it.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth paid for a photo shoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did not pay.

[Jake Johnson]

I did not paid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The photographer asked me to come in and do it.

[Eric Edelstein]

For you.

[Steve Berg]

It looks like you have really bad scoliosis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do. It was for real. It was.

[Eric Edelstein]

It was. There was a flood coming out. I'm guessing you're in Mississippi. Ox area.

[Steve Berg]

Why are you all crooked?

[Jake Johnson]

Such a cutie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was for a Spine Institute promo. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Steve.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it might be time for the photo shoot.

[Steve Berg]

It is. It is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now there's a JCPenney in Omaha.

[Jake Johnson]

No, the JCPenney ones do them too. Silly. I don't want it to be ironic.

[Steve Berg]

I can direct it, though. Like, I can direct it. I can literally have. You know what? If you want, I can say it's for, like, something else. Jake or Gareth or both of you can literally be on speakerphone saying, like, yeah, this is for. For something else. And you can tell the photographer. What?

[Jake Johnson]

Why don't we do this? Why don't we see if anybody in Omaha is a photographer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Steve Berg]

And I mean, we have a photographer.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But see if somebody can reach out, like, somebody connected to the show. Because what I don't want is the JCPenney is the thing that hipsters all do where they're like, it was amazing. We took family photos. You're, like, on the same bit. It's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We need a place where he can dump water on himself.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Because you need a fan. Like, I want you at your sexiest.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

Like Fabio style.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But not trying to be funny. 80s 90s.

[Steve Berg]

Like, no.

[Jake Johnson]

2020. The way Gareth was in that. Gareth wasn't trying to be funny. He was wearing parachute pants and fake glasses and he was being cute. I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had fun at a shoot. Excuse me. Sue me.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shoot.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to see the bird picks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Steve Berg]

Okay. Well, I mean, we. It's just. We have to find the right photographer because you don't want them to be, like, too pretentious. And all sudden they're like, no, that's, like, too goofy. They'll be like, we, who gives no direction. And I think the best way to do it would be to hire a photographer and say, like, hey, this isn't for me. This is actually for a job. And the producer is going to be on phone, and that way you can explain it to them. Them.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's fair. We'll do it as a zoom.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I think will be on a zoom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. One of us should direct it. It could also be Eric. And then reveal the pics Eric will be doing.

[Eric Edelstein]

Make me look great.

[Steve Berg]

Eric will go, great. I love you, brother. Just whatever you want.

[Eric Edelstein]

You're Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Ask me.

[Eric Edelstein]

We should have roasted him.

[Jake Johnson]

And I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? This is what we should do. That's so.

[Steve Berg]

God.

[Jake Johnson]

We could have killed them. And then I'll go to him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's what we do.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop texting me. You kill it. We just did it the other day. Something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake. You and I just get like 20 minutes or whatever to direct our own shoot. And then we reveal them and present them to Eric who picks. Who directed a better glamour shots with.

[Jake Johnson]

That is the perfect idea.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. That works.

[Jake Johnson]

I won't be on when you're on. You're not on what I'm on. We don't see each other's pics till after the goal is. And you know, we'll do. We'll do my brother's website. We need to pick. The audience will vote on not. What's funnier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

What's sexier?

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I think we're allowed to work with the talent because I think we're allowed to individually talk to Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

And go like, where's our zone here, babe? Like, how. How we winning?

[Steve Berg]

I take direction very well.

[Jake Johnson]

So my first instance is you is like a tiger crawling towards the camera.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I love it. I have a completely different take.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you sweaty? I want jungle vibes. Vibes.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, I'm going to be sweating. I'm sweating right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't tell any. Don't say anything else.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't say anything because I have an idea too. Mine's also dead sexy.

[Jake Johnson]

Give me just your pitch because we both know it's going to change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want him a little dusty and dirty. And he's a cowboy.

[Steve Berg]

I was thinking out in rural Nebraska, not in Omaha. Like on a dusty road, like, next to corn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a sexy.

[Steve Berg]

Like a sexy farmer, like. Or a ranch hand.

[Jake Johnson]

I actually might want him in the very similar vibe that you had, Gareth. I want him in, like, cute glasses and, like, making the band outfit.

[Steve Berg]

You don't want.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, I want you in. Like, you're in a. A pop. A boy band. And you're like, the sensitive one.

[Eric Edelstein]

I just sing.

[Steve Berg]

It's gorgeous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about how he's the one with the lisp in the boy band.

[Steve Berg]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Garrett.

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Steve Berg]

That's. But I will say, Jake, that's too close to the real me.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't disagree.

[Steve Berg]

I think. I think like a. A kind of like a ranch hand, farm boy vibe tribe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't the three of us.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you gonna play along? Are you just gonna be nice to Steve?

[Eric Edelstein]

I I'll get him. I'll put his ass in the fryer.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so then three of us, just you guys being kissing each other's butts and saying how great the other guy is just, it's what's the point?

[Eric Edelstein]

No point.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so if you're. But the goal is one of us is gonna win. The goal is not to make Steve look bad. It's the audience is gonna vote where they go. Like, I gotta say, that's the sexiest I've ever. Yeah, I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. The three of us get a shoot, we get a window of time and we get to direct and wardrobe and.

[Steve Berg]

And okay, one caveat. I will say like, no, I don't need to be in anything too skimpy.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not about that now. Well, I will say you are allowed to say no. So I can't say you're in a thong. We're not going to humiliate you.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have not a thong.

[Jake Johnson]

You have every right to say no to stuff. You have to work with talent.

[Steve Berg]

Yes. Thank you. Gareth just said pasty. See already I met looking to win.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I, I might actually put you in a kitchen cooking like spaghetti.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No shirt. Pasties. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, I would, I would have a shirt.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, this, this could lead to a lucrative only fans career for me.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, if anybody's interested in only fans for Steve, email the show.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah, we'll make it happen.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll make it happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait for your.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, Steve Berg feet picks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yuck.

[Eric Edelstein]

There's someone out there that will pay.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the thing.

[Eric Edelstein]

There's a joy to someone else.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree, man. Eric, you texted me Eric the other day. I know. I'm jumping around fast. You're going back to Dickie Van Dyke?

[Eric Edelstein]

Like, well, I'm tr. I've had a back and forth. I, I made the decision to try to get my money back for the show.

[Jake Johnson]

So the guys. This is not a joke.

[Steve Berg]

No, you're done with, you're done with camp.

[Eric Edelstein]

I just stuck in my craw because I'm like, when did they know? We drove all the way to Malibu. My buddy I went will not let it go. And I was like, I should get my money back or I would take tickets and drive up there again for a Dick Van Dyke show. If he can make make it. And the guy said no. At first, he's like, no. We very clearly have quick pause.

[Jake Johnson]

We. I've sent the emails.

[Eric Edelstein]

I was a little. I wait. He wasn't my best self.

[Jake Johnson]

Natalie, will you go to the top of this, please.

[Eric Edelstein]

My best self.

[Jake Johnson]

So Eric, will you read Eric. Gareth, will you read this? Poor man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wasn't my best self.

[Liz (Caller)]

Wait, the. The bottom is like the earliest. So then we're a. Scroll up to the latest. So it starts with Eric. Hi, friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, you want me to read Eric?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, friends.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Eric is Eric. You are Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, man.

[Jake Johnson]

And Eric, do the tone that you thought about while you were writing it, okay?

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, I was a little. Sorry, but trying to couch it. Hi, friends. Just checking in on the refund for Vandy Camp. Thank you, Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Eric. Chris here. Thanks for reaching out with regard to the VandyCamp event. As a reminder, these Vandy Camp presents presentations or charity events for the benefit of the forthcoming Dick Van Dyke Museum currently in development and the Dick Van Dyke Endowment of the Arts. When customers purchase tickets, it was stated that there are no refunds underlined and that all sales are final.

[Jake Johnson]

Underlined.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are all disappointed that Mr. Van Dyke was not able to perform due to an unforeseen health issue. But the rest of the variety show performers did perform, including Arlene Van Dyke and the Fantastic. I would like to think that despite Mr. Van Dyke's absence, that you enjoyed the Vandy Camp Festival experience and the show that many worked hard to perform and produce for you. Also, we are currently planning the next Vandy Camp event which will keep you informed about. Thank you again for your patience and understanding. Please feel free to reach out to me here if you have any questions or comments. Sending you my very best Eric.

[Jake Johnson]

Quick pause your thoughts when you got this.

[Eric Edelstein]

I was pissed. Also, I should say I paid for like the VIP close seat. So I'm into this thing for 300 bucks and I can't. Jesus Christ. I can't charge my friend. Well, we were supposed to be up close for the magic of a 99 year old man singing and dancing. High school.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. You drove to a Malibu high school to see a 99 year old for $300?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, I did. Did. And I kept thinking about it and I thought there'd automatically be a link for me to get my refund back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't disagree with that.

[Eric Edelstein]

I started more frustrated because my gut says they knew Dick wasn't going to be able to perform that day and then they still tried to throw up a show and keep the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw up.

[Jake Johnson]

But it is. It is a charity thing and they do say no refund.

[Eric Edelstein]

It is. And you would think a normal person would get that. Read the charity. Other people Working hard. Kind of get those buzzwords and calm down instead. Sometimes I'm not my best self.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes I don't do my 99 of the time. You are. That's why I think this is okay.

[Jake Johnson]

King response.

[Eric Edelstein]

Okay, but you're we're getting a look at the 1%. That's petty. And I'm glad. I guess I'm glad we have it out here because this is the guy these guys see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what, I. I do like seeing some of the stuff in the email already.

[Eric Edelstein]

So I'm not happy about myself here. This wasn't great. This was.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we all stop doing this? I'm just an insecure victim.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm a good guy.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm sorry. I know it. Just pretend we're in a restaurant. There's not an audience. Can we stop? This isn't my best self. I'm so insecure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, Jake. Let's not pretend. Let's not pretend it's a restaurant because cheese will be coming out.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you would not be saying that in a restaurant. You would say what you said to me via text and that was he fucked me.

[Eric Edelstein]

He did fuck me. All right, all right, all right, all right.

[Jake Johnson]

You did.

[Steve Berg]

This guy screwed you, Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got by a 99 year old legend.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so Kang, go ahead.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh God, Chris, thanks for getting back to me, but we paid for a ticket for Dick Van Dyke. With all due respect, I did not enjoy Vandy camp and I'm surprised you won't offer a refund. We left halfway through when it turned into Stu interviewing audience members. There was a huge line of upset people and they told us we would be referring to funded. This cost us a ton. I flew in a friend to see him and.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a lie. That's a l. That's a lie.

[Eric Edelstein]

I picked up Mark Gagliardi in North Hollywood.

[Jake Johnson]

Why did you say Flu King? Cuz I heighten. I. I actually would have done the same thing.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah, you got to add a guy.

[Jake Johnson]

For a flight refund.

[Eric Edelstein]

A guy flew in from Belgium. Another guy flew in from London to meet Dick Van Djk and the guy from London was not happy. He's all over the Instagram comments. I'm letting you know I'm not not alone on this rock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, while we're paused, can I just point out my fav part so far? We left halfway through when it turned into Stu interviewing audience members.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, that was. The other thing is there was an emcee that was. There was a couple great bands that played and he stopped him after two songs. He's like, I wish we could do it. He did a raffle that would not end. And he brought up kids from the crowd and he teased him and made fun of them. Like if a girl, if a 7 year old was slow to an answer, like, that's today's education system for you. And I'm like, I can't believe I'm watching this guy. And that they knew Dick wasn't coming out. And then he just turned it into like, dick's not here. We're gonna go to audience members and send that message to Dick and my best self. We left and I lied about flying, my friend.

[Steve Berg]

In fact, they're not having you mc. These events is.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'd love to do it. And I never make fun of an mc, but the way this guy was with kids, it was really. I just didn't enjoy it. And I was like, I can't believe I'm here.

[Jake Johnson]

You are one of the best MCs in the game, Eric.

[Steve Berg]

But keep going.

[Jake Johnson]

This cost us a ton. I flew in to see him then keep going.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean, seeing Arlene sing in quotes, chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Stu make volunteers from the audience uncomfortable was not what we paid for. All sales may be final for a Dick Van Dyke show, but that goes out the window when Dick Van Dyke doesn't show up. I would be very open to a show without Dick to honor him, but would not be Stu kicking musical acts off after two songs to do a never ending raffle. Sorry, man. Please refund me. I prefer not to escalate. This escalated. It sucks. Not your fault. But please refund me today. Cordially, Eric.

[Jake Johnson]

So I will say this. I have not read this until now, but I just. I knew it was going to be gold. All I wrote back to you was like, he fucked you or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or probably.

[Jake Johnson]

I laugh. This is even better than.

[Steve Berg]

It couldn't be better. And the fact that at the end after that email, he goes, cordial me.

[Jake Johnson]

I am dying to hear what Chris responded to this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Has Chris responded?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, Eric. We are working on a reschedule with Mr. Van Dyke. Stand by. I'll have more info within the next 48 hours. Best, Christopher. Okay, that was July 24th.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. All the same day. Then Eric goes, thanks, Chris.

[Eric Edelstein]

I appreciate that. I am a crazy person. And go out there again for a chance to see him.

[Steve Berg]

By the way, keep.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that how it ended?

[Eric Edelstein]

And then he wrote back after that that, Eric, that's not crazy at all. Dick has Never missed a show before.

[Steve Berg]

Great.

[Eric Edelstein]

He was nicer to me than I had any business getting. By the way, shittiness in the tone of those emails. I look at them now and that's a thing.

[Steve Berg]

I don't think it's that bad. I really don't.

[Eric Edelstein]

The guy's 99. The guy's 99.

[Steve Berg]

300. 300 bucks is 300 bucks. That sounds good. I mean like if you're letting someone pay $300 for a dick Van Ta show, you better have a bag up.

[Jake Johnson]

Agree.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

It is thievery.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Oh, bless you guys. To be fair, some would say you're enabling a crazy person. Either way, thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

But what happened? So where are we at now?

[Eric Edelstein]

Have not heard back. There's not been a show announced. I will go back out there again and report back to. We're here to chat, to try it again and go out to Malibu again. And I would take two more tickets and I'll tell you, no shows again. I will just take the loss. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you, you've got to document it, Eric. Oh yes. You've got to record stuff.

[Eric Edelstein]

We'll document this.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry, would you say Jacobus next one? I'll come with you.

[Eric Edelstein]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, that'd be huge. Also, Jake, I think we should see Frankie Valley in the fourth season.

[Jake Johnson]

I do too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Jake.

[Eric Edelstein]

And all the shows have been turned to ig this close to Johnny Prine. When you see Frankie Valli and a night of elder abuse. I'm really excited.

[Steve Berg]

Jake is in for this.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll tell you why. Because those emails made me so happy and I don't think you're a crazy person. No, I think I'll tell you why. Because he, Christopher came really aggressive with. It's not going to happen. And the reality is if you do present a product and it's not right, he knows it wasn't right. Now what he could say is like I the money spent, my king. Like let's figure something out.

[Eric Edelstein]

Out.

[Jake Johnson]

But he came very clear. Like as if he is some institution that's unmovable. He's throwing on a weird camp with a 99 year old guy, man. And then you go, if it's for charity, what percentage goes to the charity? How much is in your pocket, Chris?

[Eric Edelstein]

How about profit?

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Chris, the money that goes in your pocket, can I get that back? Let's just, I'll give it all to charity. Or give it back to me and I'll donate it.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, I love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think you could feel good about the fact that at some point soon a 99 year old Dick van DJK is probably in bed enjoying rest. And Chris has to go in there with a stick and prod him and tell him to get up and fight through whatever he's feeling, all the pain. Take an extra dose of pills because a guy named Eric Edelstein is not accepting that his money's going to charity. He wants a goddamn show. He had a friend take an imaginary flight to Malibu to go see him at a high school.

[Steve Berg]

Dick is literally looking at the white light thing finally. And then he's getting dragged out by Chris. One more day, one more show, Dick, that you can die.

[Jake Johnson]

He's dancing to the light.

[Eric Edelstein]

For me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pulling him back down.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And we are brought to you by Kachava.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love cachava. This is the best protein powder I've ever had. Without question. Question. It has the best taste. It is the highest quality. I recently was doing vanilla, but then I had chai. And just as there it. It is the greatest. I cannot say enough good stuff about cachava.

[Jake Johnson]

They also have flavors that taste good. I don't like things that taste like junk because I got the taste buds of a child. You can get chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai. I stick to the basics, chocolate and vanilla. I'm not against the swirl. Taking me back to my tcby days. Throw some m and Ms. On that. Now I'm getting hungry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I put it in with like greens. So I put it in like with a green smoothie. And it goes from a green smoothie where you're like, ah, I'd rather, you know, drown than drink this. To being like, this is delicious. I mean, this, it is as good as it gets. I am addicted to cachava. Kachava's called me and have been like, hey, you need to stop. And I'm like, hey, you need to stop. So there's a bit of friction there. But it's only because I love the product.

[Eric Edelstein]

Product.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code here to help for 15% off your next order. That's kachava. K A C H a v a.com code here to help for 15% off.

[Jake Johnson]

What an amazing good for you is. I'm realizing that I've been making mistakes not experiencing this. W. Oh, buddy.

[Eric Edelstein]

To my very soul, I love. I've been.

[Jake Johnson]

I think I've been making mistakes.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, because here's what you would love the most is that moment getting in the car when Dick doesn't show. And I'm here.

[Steve Berg]

Here's.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not watching the show, Eric. I'm. I'm literally going to go to the Dick Van Dyke and watch you the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The show is watching you watch.

[Steve Berg]

Will you please take a lot of like just let audio run the whole time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Audio files go. You may as well just wear a wire. Well you got a Donny Bras.

[Jake Johnson]

Go ahead.

[Steve Berg]

Yes. Donnie Brasco. The whole thing. Please. Video is fine. But honestly having just the audio will the best.

[Jake Johnson]

The only problem is and this is why I might not go.

[Eric Edelstein]

And here we go.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's why. Here's why I'm such a about it that I'm going. It's going to be more about me and Eric's vibe because he's going to be going like it's wonderful. And I'm going to go like hour and 15 minute drive for this. So that Eric's got to use all his energy just to get me out of pulling him down to mine. And it might not be the dict. He. He won't be mad at Dick. He'll be mad at me me.

[Eric Edelstein]

But worth it for us in terms.

[Steve Berg]

Of creating some great art like for us and your the less Fair enough. Sometimes you have to sacrifice.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm interested for sure in going to that one. Who's the old guy who is a mannequin out on stage right there pumping. You keep.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean honest. There's a few of them. There's a few.

[Steve Berg]

While we're talking about getting out of our comfort zone. You know what? I'd love to do glamour shots with you three. Of course that's that goes outside say I would love to when I'm out in California next time go do a paranormal investigation and overnight with you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Dick Van Dyke does what? He does it at a high school.

[Eric Edelstein]

Eric, hey, come on.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you say overnight?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. You lost me overnight. Daddy needs a high thread count.

[Steve Berg]

I was doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not gonna go sleep in a cave to try and find a yeti.

[Steve Berg]

I investigated a hotel over the weekend and it was fantastic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We Steve, you went to a hot.

[Steve Berg]

Hotel, a haunted hotel and we did some investigation. I stayed in room 506 all by myself.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what Steve, you're a man. You're in your 40s.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm with you.

[Eric Edelstein]

I will stay in the room Graham Parsons died in with you.

[Jake Johnson]

We've done that.

[Eric Edelstein]

Is an option on the table. I've always. I'll be honest. I'M very scared of that stuff.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

Derek and I once stayed in the room next to it and we legit heard a bang at midnight which could have been people with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Us.

[Eric Edelstein]

But I've always been very scared of that room. And I'm about getting over fears in this life. I will stay in the room grand Parsons died in with you.

[Steve Berg]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'll bring as long as we have, like, as long as we have our own beds and it's comfortable.

[Steve Berg]

I'll bring my gear. I'll bring my gear bags.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Eric Edelstein]

I will do this with you, Steve, because it's something I'm not thrilled at myself that I'm actually scared of it and have never done it. And I think I might need to get through this.

[Steve Berg]

Let's get over it.

[Eric Edelstein]

All right. As usual, it starts as a bit making funny. But I'm. I'm. I'm end up being. Being in.

[Steve Berg]

You'll love it. Jake and Gareth will clammy the whole night and pretend they're ghosts. And then Jake will get scared. Jake will eventually get really scared and say, I'm going, I'm leaving.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It's funny because, because of the blankets, Eric will leave with me and I'll appreciate it. Oh, yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

I already know I'm scared. I'm already scared of it.

[Jake Johnson]

But then I'll get so paranoid about walking to the car where it's like, I'm not a afraid of the ghost. I'm afraid someone's gonna kill me. I'm gonna get robbed. Yeah.

[Steve Berg]

With Gareth. I'll just ply Gareth with wine and he'll be too drunk to drive, so he'll have to stay with me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth will find, first of all.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hi.

[Steve Berg]

Hey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like the idea that Eric is afraid he'll see a ghost. That he's paying $300 to go see a 99 year old.

[Eric Edelstein]

I like this side of the mortal coil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just almost saw a ghost.

[Jake Johnson]

A couple sees a ghost twice a week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Sees a ghost, sing songs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's going to go see the ghost of Frankie Valley.

[Steve Berg]

I mean, he probably is a ghost. I mean, have you seen him on stage?

[Jake Johnson]

It's so sad.

[Steve Berg]

It is the. It is such abuse.

[Jake Johnson]

It's such abuse.

[Steve Berg]

How are people okay with that?

[Jake Johnson]

Because there's. There's guys like Eric Payne, guys like Christopher. God.

[Steve Berg]

Eric is gonna take over Christopher's job as well.

[Jake Johnson]

Eric is Christopher. Wait, Eric? Who was the. Who was the. I was telling Gareth on a call. What was the trench coat you were wearing for a while again?

[Steve Berg]

Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Eric Edelstein]

Amazing. My wife and I. Jess is into estate sales and we were into estate sales. You. I'm usually fits the big man, but it was like Sunday deep. Deep in those. The nice area of Encino. And it was Manx. Mike Connors actual name. Ohanian Armenian legend. Mike Connor does Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you have any idea who this is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've heard the name. I'm gonna give it a quick look. I'm not gonna watch it.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, I promise you, you'll. You'll love Mannix. Buffalo Springfield. Neil diamond. Cancel Christmas like a year and a.

[Steve Berg]

Half ago when I was out in LA and I was staying with Eric and he had that thing on the entire time. And I will. I will say in the all joke side he looked awesome him in it.

[Eric Edelstein]

He does Japanese.

[Steve Berg]

It is a really nice trans.

[Eric Edelstein]

And there was an area. There was the area where his clothes were. And then three or four people it goes. And they weren't upset. And then he was a giant big guy.

[Steve Berg]

Yeah.

[Eric Edelstein]

And so I found this Japanese rainwear. It had his used tissues in a bed. Bath and beyond receipt. Orthopedic pillow. And it was. I got his. I got his. His trench coat. Japanese rainwear. I got some loafers. It was duffel bag. When I travel with Mannix's duffel bag, do you know how good I feel? I have the Mannix theme in my head. Going through an airport.

[Jake Johnson]

What is the theme?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He may be making it up.

[Eric Edelstein]

I've always thought some. Somebody should do manics now and have.

[Steve Berg]

Changed and play it.

[Eric Edelstein]

It's so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa. All right. Oh, no, no.

[Eric Edelstein]

Mannix is classic. It's so good. Way ahead of his time. His boss. The first season is basically a competition computer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eric, this is 2025.

[Steve Berg]

I'd love to play the computer voice.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, you just booked the so lucky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry. I'm doing a system update.

[Steve Berg]

Right. An adorable computer voice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I found some nude pictures of my computer from a podcast. Man, it's going to be great when finally Eric, when we all kick the bucket. You will have the best estate sale because people will go through your old jackets and finding cheese. You're psyched up about Manno's tissues.

[Eric Edelstein]

Well, my estate sale will also be a bunch of other people's. It'll be man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'll be like a grab.

[Eric Edelstein]

Bill Walton's tie dye shirt. I got Neil Young's train. I got Burt Reynolds Native American sand art. I mean I'm basically a cosmic middleman in the estate sale world. I'm not kidding. I got it right Here, I got ucla.

[Steve Berg]

You're a big.

[Jake Johnson]

See it also. What's the sand art show you.

[Steve Berg]

I'll show you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't believe he's a few feet away from Bert Reynolds sand art.

[Jake Johnson]

Also, it was just in Bert Reynolds estate. We don't know if it was Bert Reynolds. Yeah, yeah, it was somebody who stayed at his house and put it there.

[Eric Edelstein]

Hope you making fun of me?

[Jake Johnson]

No, that's the sand.

[Eric Edelstein]

Burt Reynolds.

[Jake Johnson]

But what does that mean from Burt Reynolds.

[Eric Edelstein]

His estate sale through Julian's. But then I got. I'm still worried about this and maybe a collar though because after I got it I started googling sand art and there's this idea. In indigenous culture, sometimes sand art is used for a ceremony and it should be destroyed and bad luck. So I called my buddy, the great Bobby Wilson Wilson and I'm like is this sand art okay for me to have? He's like man, sand art's a tough one. I'm not sure. So I don't know if I'm even can have this. I'm worried it'll bring like bad luck or something because I don't want to appropriate. Well, it was meant for Bert's ceremony but the idea that this is in my barn and owned by Burt Reynolds like God, is that nice to have.

[Steve Berg]

I mean think about it in like the Tibetan people, they'll. They'll spend like a year making this sand arch and then they do destroy it. It's done. That's bad mojo. You might be. You might have.

[Eric Edelstein]

We got to find out. Steve, this is your lane.

[Jake Johnson]

How long have you had it, Eric?

[Eric Edelstein]

I've had it like two years and I. I feel like I've had a good two years. I'd like to think it's brought me some good luck. It did fall at one point and lost the corner. Chipped off. But I'm. I'm hoping I'm not flagrantly in violation cuz I would, I would destroy it if. If I had.

[Jake Johnson]

How would you destroy it?

[Eric Edelstein]

However they tell me to or if I send it to them or burn it or I don't know, whatever they want.

[Steve Berg]

Man, I'd like to put my EMF reader all over that thing.

[Eric Edelstein]

Right?

[Steve Berg]

Certificate of readings.

[Eric Edelstein]

I have a certificate of adoption from a turtle named Burt Reynolds. Burt Reynolds, near the end of his life, adopted a turtle and it swam around Florida and then.

[Jake Johnson]

This can't be real life.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh no, for real. I have, I. I have a Reynolds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Adopting a. Eric, I'm still recovering from Berg saying he wants to get his EMF reader all over the Burt Reynolds sand art. And now I'm finding out about Burt Reynolds the turn turtle.

[Eric Edelstein]

He adopted a turtle.

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't know this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is just like being on the ropes and just getting whales.

[Eric Edelstein]

My poor wife.

[Jake Johnson]

So will you walk us through this turtle?

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Well, see, I learned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The first.

[Eric Edelstein]

I'll be honest, the first meal young auction, I went a little hog wild. I bought way too much stuff. So I actually learned a technique on these auctions. You don't fall in love with anything. You put low bids, and you try to find the stuff that creeps the through. So I put low bids on the sand art, and I put low bids on a turtle adoption. And I was lucky enough to win it. I think it was $400, and it's two certificates. Oh, I could flip that. I could flip all the Burt Reynolds estate stuff. Like, all the Neil Young stuff. I flipped and. And did okay. Because I'm like, I don't need his tape deck. I don't need his record player. God. We had three giant chairs that Jess was like, no. So they're now in my buddy Reg's garage. Garage.

[Jake Johnson]

That's not flipping. That's given to a guy in his garage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I turned him upside down.

[Jake Johnson]

You're using the term flipping the wrong way.

[Eric Edelstein]

I flipped his. His tape.

[Jake Johnson]

I flipped a bunch of stuff that I bought into a garbage can.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm in the whole $2,500 from flipping physically.

[Jake Johnson]

You physically getting rid of.

[Eric Edelstein]

Physically getting rid of it to save my marriage. Yeah, that's flipping. I think.

[Steve Berg]

I mean.

[Eric Edelstein]

I mean, flipping for love.

[Steve Berg]

The wonderful thing about Erica is that, like, look, I am a weirdo. I'll go into cornfields fields and investigate a place where a bigfoot might have been seen 75 years ago. But when I'm with Eric, I am a normie. I might as well be, like, an algebra teacher.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody thinks that's true, Steve.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I don't know, buddy. You just. That cornfield thing, don't think that that just went under the radar.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we're every. We're all still hearing everything, man.

[Steve Berg]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, I'd love to get my EMF reader all over you.

[Steve Berg]

It's a different flavor of weirdo.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a different flavor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I love about hanging out with Eric is it's not weird for me to say, I want to get my EMF reader all over Burt Reynolds fandar. Hello. Hello? Right. I'm normal.

[Steve Berg]

Look, if I. When I bring my gear over to Eric's, Eric's gonna be loving it. I'm gonna be emfing, taking a reading, spots going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a Goonies reboot. Like Goonies at, at our age.

[Steve Berg]

What a fun way to live your life. Adventure is the best.

[Eric Edelstein]

It is, it is.

[Jake Johnson]

But what does that mean? Natalie just wrote, wrote. Do you guys want the Larry King.

[Eric Edelstein]

Auction video?

[Jake Johnson]

Auction video? What is that?

[Eric Edelstein]

King is now the newest one doing an auction.

[Jake Johnson]

And so. And then you wrote back, eric, not a fan. Like that. What does that mean?

[Eric Edelstein]

I'm not a Larry King. I won't be bidding on it like that. Oh, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a King fan.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh yeah.

[Steve Berg]

You'll throw in a couple soft bids.

[Eric Edelstein]

Maybe for some soft bids for something or an ashtray. Yeah, I mean I did listen to a lot of Larry Gro grown up, but I don't, I don't think I need any of his stuff. That's also part of this lesson is you don't. You don't really need this stuff that much.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a lesson.

[Steve Berg]

You were on Larry King.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I remember.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, you were not what it was.

[Steve Berg]

No, it was a great interview too.

[Eric Edelstein]

I have to find this. So you can't really. You're from Chicago.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I don't. All I remember about it was the night drunk history started. Derek Waters and I played heads up quarter quarters. So it just. It's how it happened. We were in my Rowena place, just hanging out, the two of us. We played one on one quarters. We got very drunk. Very. And we were drinking like Miller Lights back then.

[Steve Berg]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And then whatever. I told a long winded Otis Redding story that pre Internet, Billy Bungaroth told me the story when I was growing up. I thought it was true. I took about 45 minutes. I was doing all the voices. The next day he said, you know, he wants to do this thing. And on Larry Kim King he asked how it started. And I told that story. And then Derek Waters claimed I lied about the quarters when he did. Larry King.

[Eric Edelstein]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, he went like this, he's like. And then Larry King said to him, or somebody else, I can't remember. But I remember because Derek and I texted bits about it, but then he was asked about, I think it was on Larry King. And Larry King said like Jake Johnson said it. And Derek goes like, I've never played Cody's in my life. I don't even know the rules. I was like, you fucking little son of a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Should we. I. I think, I mean, we're. I think maybe we can wrap this one up a Little bit. But I do think we should. We should. Just before we do, let's bottom line the takeaways from this episode.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steve Berg will be taking glamour shots. The three of us will have our chance to direct our own.

[Steve Berg]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake has, in principle, signed on to a deal with Eric Edelstein Productions to go to a Malibu high school when Chris responds to Eric. And go see Dick Van Dyke perform.

[Steve Berg]

And he will Donnie Brasco this.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I don't know if that's possible because I don't know who's going to listen and edit all of it. But what I will do is I think.

[Steve Berg]

Man on the.

[Jake Johnson]

Please. Yeah, I will do a little. But honestly, knowing me, when I get there, we'll just get into it. But no matter what, we will have a full chat after.

[Steve Berg]

Okay, good, good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I think we have Liz in the field setting up an exciting reverse catfish fake Steve Berg. If again, long shot. If by chance we get him, Steve Berg will fly to Chicago to try to meet himself for long and bring his EMF reader.

[Steve Berg]

EMF this dude.

[Jake Johnson]

And we found out that Eric G. Spent $400 for adoption papers for a turtle named Bert Reynolds. I. I will say, G, that is the craziest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This. This. This whole thing works for a number of reasons, but, Eric, I just have to say it's. It seems to be endless with the things that. The adventures you'll take yourself on and the. That's how to live, Eric. You're living how you're supposed to live.

[Eric Edelstein]

Thank you.

[Steve Berg]

Exactly.

[Eric Edelstein]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've got one hand in your pocket.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say this now as somebody who's not kissing your butt and who loves you. You're not living right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should.

[Jake Johnson]

You should not spend $400 on a certificate. Adult turtle. You're not a billionaire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, that guy. That guy sold that turtle to 40 different people for $400.

[Jake Johnson]

He just printed out a sheet and people were like, whoa, I'm technically the owner of a turtle named.

[Steve Berg]

These are some bold statements to make to a man who carries pocket sheath, folks. So.

[Eric Edelstein]

Very true.

[Steve Berg]

Just remember who you're dealing with here, all right?

[Jake Johnson]

I want you to write the email to the guy who sold you that piece of paper about the turtle and demand your money back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or.

[Jake Johnson]

Demand the turtle.

[Steve Berg]

Back or you produce.

[Jake Johnson]

Adopted a dead turtle.

[Eric Edelstein]

No, the turtle. Burt Reynolds adopted the turtle. The certificate was his, and I traced the turtle, and it vanished somewhere in the North Atlantic, which is a hell of a swim from Florida. But that was a sad day. I really wanted that turtle to be going because I thought they could live 100 years. I legit was sad. And I had to get, like, a big lunch.

[Steve Berg]

I can't believe. You can. Actually. There's even a process of adopting a turtle. Don't you just grab it on the side of the road?

[Eric Edelstein]

Hey, Steve, Burt cared, okay? They went to Burt and said, we've named this turtle Burt Reynolds. Would you like to adopt it? Here's the certificate. It was in Bert's.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, we'll see you guys soon.

[Steve Berg]

Should we all sign off laughing like Burt Reynolds?

[Jake Johnson]

What's that?

[Steve Berg]

We should all find out.

[Eric Edelstein]

Our caller is here.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. No, our caller is here. You guys are off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, holler. One tough town.

[Eric Edelstein]

Yeah. Ouch.

[Steve Berg]

We got.

[Eric Edelstein]

Man.

[Steve Berg]

We did the table read. They recast.

[Eric Edelstein]

Oh, man. Oh, man.

[Steve Berg]

All right, bye, boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A pleasure.

[Ilana Hope Levinson]

Hi, this is Elizabeth from Evanston, Illinois, and I have a listener.

[Jake Johnson]

Hot take.

[Ilana Hope Levinson]

Okay, so that. That is my hot take. Okay, so 99% of callers start describing their question or problem with okay, so I think that we're here. Those are smart or at least interesting and can do a lot better. There's no need for this because it's very clear that it's the caller's turn to speak, because Jake and Gareth do a great job of saying things like, the floor is yours, or. Or go ahead and tell us about your problem and how we can help. So there's no need to establish that it's their turn to talk further. This is just sloppy style. No TED talk starts with okay, so it starts with a strong opening sentence. And Even the great Mr. H, I bet his middle school students do a better job starting their hot takes, because as a middle school teacher, he probably teaches them about topic sentences, which we all learned in middle school, so we heard those. I think you can do better. Better start your story with a bang. Make the podcast better. Stop. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sewing it.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on where here to help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Liz (Caller)]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Ilana Hope Levinson]

Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[Eric Edelstein]

And I'm Dan O', Sullivan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And this is the Outfit, the new.

[Eric Edelstein]

Podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum no. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the Mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars. Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved? All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.