200: 200th Episode Special: Two Hams and a Cave & Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest

Summary

We're Here to Help — Episode 200: 200th Episode Special: Two Hams and a Cave & Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest

Release Date: August 25, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Special Guests: Steve, Rob & Jackie (Dinosaur Couple), Multiple Patreon Callers

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Overview

This milestone 200th episode marks a celebratory, chaotic, and community-driven live event for Patreon members. Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds reminisce, riff, and connect with fans, taking live calls, launching an epic "traveling vest" contest, and sharing heartwarming and hilarious listener updates. The episode is rich in the show’s trademark friendship, supportive silliness, and the affirmation that sometimes, good advice comes with plenty of laughs.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

Patreon Love & Show Milestone (00:12–01:21)

• Jake and Gareth thank long-time listeners and reflect on past show formats, giving special appreciation to Patreon supporters.
• Quick banter about personal updates: Gareth’s road trip to Fort Collins; Jake’s movie release on Apple, produced by Ben Stiller.

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Cameo Competition Planning

Riffing on show intros and bits with Steve Berg (01:51–13:12)

• Jake and Gareth devise a Cameo intro competition with rules: $300 budget to hire voice talent for a custom, comical show intro.
• Collaborative bit-writing: The group (with Steve) pitches lines for the intro, landing on themes like “Holy carrot sticks” and “San Frantastic segments.”
• Memorable Quote:
  • Steve: “Holy carrot sticks, are we excited to be back!” (07:18)

Timestamps:

• 00:44 Patreon thank-yous
• 01:51 Cameo writing discussion begins
• 07:12 Steve’s “Holy carrot sticks” suggestion

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Follow-up: The Dinosaur-Sculptor Couple

[Rob and Jackie call in; Jake becomes a client]
(16:39–32:46)

• Backstory: Previously, Rob was spending excessive time on his dinosaur hobby, causing tension with his wife, Jackie.
• Update: After advice from the show, Rob limits "dinosaur time" to post-family hours. A Jurassic World trailer briefly causes relapse but inspires a new creative pivot.
• New Beginnings: Rob now turns his hobby into a side business with an Etsy-style website and 3D prints. The couple’s garage becomes a studio.
  • apexrex3d.com is live.
• Big Moment: Jake commissions a custom gorilla head from Rob; Gareth receives a chimp head. Joyous unboxing and mutual admiration.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Jackie: “For the first... month after the phone call...he wasn't on his phone at all... we were doing things together...” (18:24)
  • Jake: “Rob, thank you. I truly love it. You are so talented, my man. The paint job you did on this is phenomenal. The eyes...you crushed it.” (29:22)
  • Jackie, when asked for her happiness level: “I would have to say like an eight or nine.” (23:48)
  • Rob: “I'm at a 10. I got a great new garage space... I'm working on dinosaurs. And she knows what I’m doing.” (24:11)

Timestamps:

• 16:39 Rob and Jackie join
• 18:24 Jackie shares the successful update
• 21:02 New business revealed
• 28:31 Jake and Gareth open their custom sculpts

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Caller Advice: The Wedding Moon Blunder

[Bennett from California]
(33:12–48:23)

• Problem: Bennett helped orchestrate a full-moon photo (literally) at a wedding with disposable cameras, but missed capturing the "mooning" with the actual camera. She lied that she got the shot.
• Discussion: Jake and Gareth analyze her options and—after much comedic tangent about family butts—advise her to print the cell phone photo, fake its disposable-camera origin, frame it, and gift it to the group as a creative solution.
• Memorable Moments:
  • Detailed, gleeful butt analysis ("Talk about a full moon...your boyfriend’s bottom has a...full divide." – Gareth, 40:37)
  • Jake: “We’re going to lie...treat this picture to make it look like it’s got a little bit more of a disposable camera to it.” (45:25)

Timestamps:

• 34:00 Bennett describes the disposable camera mishap
• 39:39 Displaying and analyzing the mooning photo
• 45:07 The “lie and frame the photo” solution devised

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Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest: Live Vest Contest

(52:02–78:46)

How It Starts

• The guys launch a spontaneous competition: listeners call in and pitch why they deserve Gareth’s now-infamous vest.
• Rules: 30-second pitches, scored by Gareth and Jake.

Standout Pitches

• Miranda: Offers vest-themed photo shoots using CGI and retouching skills (8.25/10).
• Adam ("Ratam/Platinum"): Pledges to wear the vest at his wedding, during vows. Fiancee confirms live. (9.5/10; winning pitch)
• Jessica: Suggests vest travels to her for 10-year anniversary photos, offers to continue the hand-off (introducing "Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest").
• Mia: Proposes a “We’re Here to Help”-themed birthday with friends solving problems.
• Snow Party (Cadence): Wants to take Polaroid pictures of the vest in weird places.
• Phyllis: Trains her cat to wear the vest.

Evolution of the Bit

• The vest will travel to multiple fans’ events (wedding, anniversaries, birthdays).
• All recipients must sign, date, and annotate the vest’s journey—reminiscent of a chain letter, but with clothing and podcast lore.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Gareth (wedding pitch): “Unfortunately...that’s big for me.” (56:06)
  • Jake: “The idea of somebody wearing that vest in a wedding photo...incredible.” (58:04)
  • Jessica: “Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest!” (70:38)

Timestamps:

• 52:02 Contest launch
• 53:02 Miranda's pitch
• 55:09 Adam’s live wedding vow pledge
• 69:26 Jessica introduces traveling vest idea
• 76:22 Snow Party's Polaroid travel pitch
• 77:03 Plans for the vest’s ongoing adventure

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More Listener Follow-Ups and Bits

(58:15–69:01)

• Erin, a returning caller, updates on the infamous “Lions tickets” debate from a previous episode—accepts her loss with humor and humility.
• Amina (the "jet ski situation" caller) returns with a happily ever after: her husband finally got rid of the jet skis.
  • “I think the attention on it did kind of make him think about it more.” (68:34)
• Multiple listeners attempt to pitch for vest custody, enjoying playful, self-aware critiques from the guys.

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Vest's Emotional Finale

(78:46–End)

• Gareth makes Jake finally wear the vest:
  • Jake: “This is the worst thing I’ve ever had.” (79:19)
  • Natalie, when asked for an opinion, roasts him: “No. He looks so bad.” (79:49)
• Communal goodbyes, warm thanks to listeners, and a group plan for vest logistics.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker |
|-----------|-------|---------|
| 07:18 | “Holy carrot sticks, are we excited to be back!” | Steve |
| 23:48 | “I would have to say like an eight or nine.” | Jackie |
| 29:22 | “Rob, thank you. I truly love it. You are so talented, my man. The paint job you did on this is phenomenal. The eyes...you crushed it.” | Jake |
| 40:37 | “Talk about a full moon...your boyfriend’s bottom has a...full divide.” | Gareth |
| 70:38 | “Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest!” | Jessica |
| 79:19 | “This is the worst thing I’ve ever had.” | Jake |
| 79:49 | “No. He looks so bad.” | Natalie |

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Tone & Style

• Irreverent, supportive, quick-witted, and community-centric.
• Emphasis on inside jokes, recurring bits, and direct fan engagement.
• Combines real advice with comedic detours and warm-hearted support.

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Final Thoughts

The 200th episode is a blend of hilarious improvisation, genuine friendship, and a strong sense of podcast community culture. The “Sisterhood of the Traveling Vest” is poised to become a show legend, while Rob’s sculpted heads and the wedding moon photo saga highlight the uniquely wholesome weirdness of We’re Here to Help at its best.

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For fans and newcomers alike, this episode distills the chaotic, creative joy that marks 200 episodes of trying to "help"... and mostly succeeding in making their world—and ours—a little funnier.

Transcript

[A]

Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush.

[B]

I'm just excited for McDonald's price and participation may vary. So then this is, I believe, just the intro for the 200. Yeah, we are. All of this will also be main show, but tonight it is live on Patreon.

[A]

Yeah. And we should remind anyone listening to the non live Patreon to join the Patreon.

[B]

Yeah, we're having a lot of fun.

[A]

Over there because you. You're gonna miss out on stuff like this.

[B]

I agree. And. And then for those who have joined us on Patreon, thank you guys for sticking with us.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

For those of you who have stuck with us on.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Thanks for sticking with us.

[A]

Thanks for telling people.

[B]

Thanks for telling people.

[A]

Thanks for telling us you didn't like the Wednesdays when we were just kind of throwing the old shows.

[B]

Thanks for also writing in and saying now they missed the re releases.

[A]

Yeah. See, this is what happens. What happens.

[B]

So what's going on with you, Gareth?

[A]

Well, you know, the usual stuff. I'm getting ready to go to Fort Collins. Getting ready to go in a van again.

[B]

But you're driving from here to there.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yikes.

[A]

Yep. How are you? You just got announced that your movie will be on Apple.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is great.

[B]

Yeah, that's going to come out.

[A]

I'm driving to Fort Collins in a van and your movie comes out on Apple that Ben Stiller produced. Okay, that's cool.

[B]

We're doing this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know what I'd like to talk to you about and nail right now is do the cameo thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's just write it up.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because we have a great competition in that.

[A]

Okay. Do you want me to physically write it?

[B]

Sure, let's just do it. All right, so we just. What we had talked about before was there. We each get 300 bucks to get two people.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

A beginning. And we're back. They say something, then something short without further ado.

[A]

Yep. So like the in and the out.

[B]

And a little bit of medium stuff in there that we should write for them.

[A]

Okay. And same copy.

[B]

Same exact copy.

[A]

Well, it always starts with we are back.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Maybe do like an under. We'll do like an underline. Like. And we are back.

[A]

Okay, I will. I'll. I'll take a picture of this and do it proper.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we are back. Exciting show today.

[B]

We got some bangers.

[A]

Great. How about we know where the hot dogs are?

[B]

Yeah, we know where the hot dogs are. And then let's think of. Oh, we really appreciate you sticking with us. Thanks for pulling so many pages from the girl page. From the lady page.

[A]

Okay. Do we want to say that almost.

[B]

To give it the illusion of talking to somebody?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like maybe the same thing.

[A]

Like maybe it's to Connor about his living situation a little bit.

[B]

I think that's really smart. We could also just create a fake thing at the top and just go like, hey, Connor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your good friend.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know. Or hey, Jake. Hey, Gareth. Whatever could be.

[A]

Hey, Connor. This is from your friend.

[B]

Paige. Okay, Paige, Heather from Florida.

[A]

She came to my show.

[B]

She did?

[A]

Yeah, she came to my show and.

[B]

What she like in person?

[A]

I met her before in the back in my background. I have like these crazy bedazzled fries.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That she gave me.

[B]

Are we talking about the same person?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Not the Madonna lady. Oh, Heather from Florida. The lady who took the class where she got tied up and then killed you with the her big joke.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Find Heather. Fine. Heather from Florida. Connor. Heather from Florida. Okay. I mean, we could punch this up, but. Okay, so basically. And we are back. Exciting show today. Got some bangers. We know where the hot dogs are. Thanks for pulling so much off the page. Was that what it was?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thanks for pulling so much off the page. This is gonna be from. To Connor from Heather. And then do we want to. Stevie. And then do we wanna. Hi. Do we want to end it with. Well, do you want to close it out at the end of the show? We could do the wrap out.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, well, you know what we could do? Hey, Steve, you know what we're talking about?

[C]

No.

[B]

We're doing a cameo competition for Gareth is going to hire somebody. I'm going to hire somebody. Maybe it's not a throw and a finish. Maybe somebody just does the whole copy.

[A]

What do you mean? Oh, one. So we each get one person or.

[B]

You get 300 bucks. You can do whatever you want.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Because then we end it with. After all that and without further ado.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

Okay, so Steve, we're gonna read you something and anything you want to do to punch it up, pitch on it.

[A]

So we're. This is going to be a cameo. Celebrity is going to read this part of the intro and then we're gonna. So we basically have 300 to Top Chef. A cameo intro of the show. The intro we have now is. And we are back. Exciting show today. Got some bangers. We know where the hot dogs are. Thanks for pulling so much off the page. And we're gonna make it to Connor from Heather from Florida. That's what we have so far.

[C]

Wait, so it. I'm sorry.

[A]

Don't burn the chicken.

[B]

Please don't burn the chicken.

[C]

Please don't burn the chicken.

[A]

Which is something you did.

[C]

Steve, is there a new choice for bangers?

[B]

Let's hear. What do you got?

[C]

I mean, y' all like rock and roll? Because we got a hot slab event for you today.

[A]

That's how we end it. Why don't we put that at the end? Y' all like rock and roll? Because we got a hot slab of it today.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Anything else? Berg.

[C]

Can you read it one more time? Yeah, I wasn't paying attention.

[A]

Well, and then we got to do without further ado because we got a hot slab for you today. You weren't paying attention, Stephen.

[C]

Oh, I was, you know, I was trying to figure out what was going on.

[A]

Any weed smoke today, Steven?

[C]

Not yet. Right now, no. But it will be.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You're such a narc now since you stopped smoking weed.

[A]

It's like saying, I can smell weed. Are you high? I could smell. I bet all those little things behind you are stuffed with your little pot.

[B]

So we're just looking for crazy things the person has to say. Because the winner of the contest is not who does it the best, but whose is pound for pound, the funniest hire. Right. Right. Well, let's.

[C]

I feel like let's give them some more ammunition. Let's punch this.

[B]

That's what we're talking about.

[C]

Hit me from the top.

[B]

And then Steve, just interrupt when you want it.

[A]

And we are back. We've got an exciting show today. Got some bangers.

[B]

Pause.

[C]

Holy carrot sticks. Are we excited to be back? Like, I would go weird.

[B]

Holy carrot sticks. Are we excited to be back?

[A]

We just take a minute to say, ho.

[B]

You're right, Stephen. But.

[A]

So, carrot sticks.

[B]

But let's. Yeah, but you're dead. Right. But let's think for a second. Because we're saying, hi, Connor. So we got to make sure this reads like he's. They're not doing a show thing. Because what we don't want is the person trying to be funny. So. Holy carrot sticks. Am I excited to be talking to you? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. Let's make it all from Connor to.

[A]

I'm already wishing I wasn't the one writing this.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

Holy carrot sticks. Are we excited to be talking to you.

[B]

Okay, next line. You know, it feels like we're in court.

[A]

Yeah. And you got a stenographer who's like, I really. We have an exciting show today. Got some bangers we gotta take away.

[B]

We got an excited show today. We got some bangers. You like that, Steven?

[C]

I mean, bangers I feel is overused.

[B]

Okay, let's new choice bangers go inside that thesaurus.

[C]

We got some red piping hot pod. Pod material for you.

[A]

Am I. I mean, am I really writing this?

[B]

I don't want to mention the pod, Stephen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're trying to trick them.

[C]

Got you.

[B]

Got so.

[A]

And then next line after holy carrot sticks, we have. Excited to talk. Excited to be talking to you. Got some mad lib word we're waiting on.

[B]

If we don't have bangers, what could we have? I want the burg thesaurus.

[A]

Which he could also. It could be Sorus. And we can still say bangers is like each.

[C]

A banger is a unit of what? A phone call.

[A]

What? What is Everything.

[B]

I know, but Stephen, a banger is like when we. The reason we said is when we take a good call, we're like, man, those were some bangers. Yeah.

[C]

I'm having a hard time coming up with something better. Just give me 10 seconds.

[A]

10 seconds is a long time on a live Patriot show.

[B]

Seven, six.

[A]

He held it. He said, called it a unit of measurement and then held up two fingers.

[C]

San Frantastic segments coming up for you.

[B]

Will you write it?

[A]

No, someone else is. Please.

[B]

Because then we'll read it back. Pretty good.

[A]

Got some what?

[C]

San Francastic segments. Segments coming up for you.

[B]

Okay, but we can't say segments because we're.

[C]

Well, you're saying bangers. Okay.

[A]

So. Yes.

[B]

Do you understand the push I tried to do?

[A]

He. He looked into the sky with his two fingers and called the banger a unit of measurement. But we're talking about.

[B]

We don't want them thinking they're doing advertisement. We want them thinking they're doing a cameo.

[A]

I will say the behind the scenes people are saying, get moving through this. And I don't know why we have.

[D]

We have your packages ready to open and someone.

[B]

Yeah. All right, so.

[A]

Damn it, Steven. Damn, that's. Well, Steve, do you want to be here while we open these packages and then we can.

[B]

No, we're not just opening the packages. It's first to follow.

[A]

Oh, the following.

[B]

So, Stevie, you're Out of here.

[C]

I came. I basically. But what I want to say is congratulations on 200 episodes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Podcast was just a twinkle in my eye. Love you guys.

[B]

Congratulations. Hold on really fast.

[C]

I hope for 2, 000 more.

[B]

We will be with you, Stevie. But before we go, will you read back what we have?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He said yeah. Which is I want to. Please keep. I want to characteristics. I want to highlight that. Steve said. Yeah. When you asked if I wanted to read it.

[B]

I want to highlight. He did get high before and he lied for some reason and said I didn't.

[C]

I thought I was looking. I just got done eating dinner.

[B]

What'd you have?

[C]

Chicken tikhi masala.

[A]

Yeah. I told you he cooked a bunch of Indian food yesterday.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We are. Well, I don't even know. I think it says. I think it's Holy carrot sticks is how I think it starts. Are we excited to be talking with you? We've got some San Francastic. That's where it starts to go off the rails for me. I don't know if we can. I don't know if we went beyond that. That's what we have.

[B]

As far as Steve stuff, thank you.

[A]

Steve's help.

[C]

Oh, you. You called the right guy, guys. All right, have a good one, guys.

[A]

Enjoy getting high buddies. Everything is has weed.

[B]

Without further ado, Holy carrots. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by the great Hulu. Specifically, New Girl. Make it a New Girl Summer on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. Guys, if you're listening to this show, you know New Girl. Well, look, it's all on Hulu right now. Hulu's looking for people to watch it. You've probably already seen the show. You've probably binged it. If you got Hulu, throw it on, put it on in the background. Just get that show streaming, make the good people of Hulu happy, and make it a God damn New Girl summer. Because there's nothing like going back to the beginning and seeing old Jess and Nick meet for the first time. Well, I remember when our characters met for the first time. It was in the pilot we were shooting in the actual Prince in Koreatown. If you come to Los Angeles, you should go to the Prince Bar. If you're actually a New Girl fan, you should make a trip with your friends to Los Angeles to go to the Prince. It is a bar I used to hang out with before we started filming that show. And we shot the first season there. And then they built a replica on our set. It is just a magical place and it'll make you feel like you are in the bar where Nick worked. It looks exactly like that. And then while you're in that area, go to downtown and check out the outside of the loft. I don't remember the exact streets of this, but it's right in downtown la and there's great food around there too. So make it a New Girl Summer streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. But also come to Los Angeles and experience the real new girl live New Girl on Hulu. This episode is sponsored by what I have on under my denim skims and events. I'm a skims man. I never thought I would say that in my life, but it's a fact of life. Skims sent me some underwear, some boxer briefs, the stretch 3 inch. I threw them on this frame and boy did they fit. They are comfortable, they're breathable and by golly, I like them. Here's the real truth. I've now bought skims. They went from sending me pairs to me buying pairs. I'm a man who, once I find something I like, I repeat the process. I'll buy eight of the same shirts. I've got three pair of the same pants.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[D]

Hello.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

How you doing? Hey, Rob.

[D]

We're doing good.

[A]

How you doing?

[B]

Good. So, Rob, will you remind us, even though we know, I don't know if Gareth knows, will you remind us who you are and what your call was?

[A]

I know who he is.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, look behind him.

[E]

Pretty easy. So basically, I called in because I wanted to figure out a way for my wife to kind of get on board with my dinosaur obsession.

[B]

Yes.

[E]

And it kind of evolved to a point where you guys were very much trying to get me off of doing dinosaurs for as long as I do.

[A]

And then.

[E]

And then eventually you saw what the work that I did and that kind of flipped a little bit.

[B]

That's right.

[E]

Completely.

[A]

Yeah. So it would be like LeBron James being like, my wife's upset because sometimes I go play basketball in the driveway. Like, Maddie, you can play raise kid.

[B]

Yeah, you'll be fine. And so what was the final advice at the end? And where are we?

[E]

All right, so final advice. We came to an agreement that I would only work on dinosaurs after my son went to sleep and usually wouldn't say anything about them until my wife went to sleep at night, too.

[A]

Because you stayed up a lot later.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You can have your dinosaur time until.

[E]

2 o' clock in the morning, 3 o' clock in the morning, that type of thing.

[B]

And so before we get into the next phase of this, have you been doing that? Has it been working? Where are we at, wifey? Feel free to jump into, but where are we at?

[D]

Yeah, I'll start. So for the first, like, probably month after the phone call, I would say he was doing an amazing job. Like, he. He wasn't on his phone at all. Once. Once our son went to sleep before I went to sleep. Like, we were together doing things together, like, no phone. And I had to even step back and. And realize that he was just doing dinosaurs that whole time because he wasn't on the phone anymore. So I was really surprised. So he was doing great. And then the. We kind of hit two. Two roadblocks. The first one, the Jurassic World Rebirth trailer, came out.

[B]

That's not great for Rob, is it?

[D]

No, no, no, no. We kind of spiraled, of course.

[A]

Spiral.

[B]

Everybody's gonna fall once in a while in life.

[A]

I'm Rob, obviously.

[B]

100.

[A]

Okay. So he spiraled because of Jurassic Park.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Stop saying of course like you're there, like you live in the house.

[B]

So things were going good. The trailer comes out, things start going south, right?

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Okay. Then what happened?

[D]

I mean, then it kind of just. Because so much came out about the movie, and he's very involved and, you know, online, and.

[A]

It'S also funny to watch right now in his world of dinosaurs. Listen to his wife disparage his dinosaur addiction.

[B]

I've also never seen a caller just have to listen. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He has to just feel so much real. I know. It's unfair. All right, so keep going, Jackie. Keep going with your update.

[D]

Yeah, so, I mean, it wasn't definitely. He was off the phone at night, you know, looking at the dinosaur stuff, like, less than before.

[B]

Great.

[D]

But then he started working on, like, a special project, and it kind of made him get really excited about doing work for people. But. Yeah, so doing that special project kind of inspired him and also me to start maybe taking his talent a little more seriously and doing it a little more seriously.

[B]

I think he should.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. So I'll let. I'll let him take it from there because it's kind of his.

[E]

So, you know, after our correspondence a little bit, you know, like Jackie said, I started thinking, you know, maybe I should try to do things a little bit more seriously and put myself out there. So that led to a whole bunch of discussions for us about, you know, what we wanted to do. So I decided to start my own website that sells my products. So we've been putting that together.

[B]

And what's the name of the website?

[E]

It's apexrex3d.com.

[B]

Apexrex3d.com. It's cool.

[E]

So, you know, over the past, like I said, so over the past month or so, I've kind of converted the garage to a little studio. And bought a few 3D printers, set up a workbench for myself. I threw a TV in the garage.

[B]

This is all feeling positive to me.

[A]

We're in the early phases of a transition, obviously, but into a hobby. Yeah.

[B]

To a career.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that how you're seeing it, Big Rob?

[E]

I mean, depends on what happens. Enjoy my products, you know?

[B]

And Jackie, is it different for you if he's not just talking about dinosaurs? He's making some scribble. Doing it.

[D]

Yeah. I'm actually really excited about it. I'm. I'm to get it going.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It seems like a pretty big ringing of the bell.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I'm like, their vibe isn't Ring the bell. Jackie's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, you're gonna say especially who?

[A]

Rob.

[B]

Well, Rob's a little bit nervous.

[A]

I could tell. But he. It seems like. Okay. All right.

[B]

And so from the follow up to now.

[A]

Well, from the first call.

[B]

From the first call. The beginning of this follow up. Are we done with this section? Do we move on? Are you feeling anything? I'm feeling like the original problem was I'm obsessed with dinosaurs.

[A]

The original problem was he had an issue that he was, like, side addicted to dinosaurs. It was troubling and his wife was annoyed with it. Yes, More dinosaurs.

[B]

No, we said.

[A]

We said we live. We said we limit the time. It's after the kid goes to bed and as your wife goes to bed. But we also were like, bro, maybe you're making some really good dinosaurs.

[B]

Maybe if you turn this into a gig gig, that could change things in a little bit.

[A]

So now he is making the dinosaurs.

[B]

But you're also not doing it at all times. Is that all correct?

[E]

That's definitely correct on my. On my end.

[B]

And so much less. I mean, it feels like.

[A]

And Jackie feels good.

[B]

Jackie, out of 10, 10, you're the most happy. Zero, you're the least happy. Where are you at with him calling the show with where we're at? You can be honest. We've accepted a lot of losses.

[A]

If it's negative, we'll cut it out.

[B]

It's live, so.

[A]

I know, but mainly we'll cut it.

[B]

It's live.

[A]

So just Patreon people here, then we cut it for Maine.

[B]

Cut all this for me. Doesn't even make no main show.

[A]

It's just a Patreon.

[B]

Now we're talking. Give me a fucking drink. Let's go, Mallard. So, Jackie, where are you at?

[D]

I would have to say like an eight or nine.

[A]

That's great. That's very close.

[B]

And Rob, out of 10, where are you at?

[A]

Couldn't be closer to 10. Yes.

[B]

From the. You calling in. Yes, I agree.

[A]

We got a road bell.

[B]

So, Rob, out of 10, your feelings after calling and everything that happened, 10 is. It was incredible. Zero. Who's dog? Where you at, King?

[E]

I mean, I'm at a 10. I got a great new garage space. I'm, you know, I'm working on dinosaurs. And she knows that I'm. You know what I'm doing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

I'd say it's a win for me.

[A]

Might be our biggest. It's up there. We gotta wait and see.

[B]

Yeah. So go ahead.

[A]

I think I should point out that the bell is a mug with chalk in it.

[B]

Great. Sounds right to me.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

So then somewhat after we finished, I think I reached out to you individually.

[A]

Yeah. You were the. And the subject of the email was Gorillas Possible. Did I tell you this? Amazing. It would be amazing if Aaron had to call the show to be like, I wish Jake had never met Rob.

[B]

Well, you laugh. There's boxes in front of us.

[A]

No, So I. Jesus Christ. No.

[B]

So I reached out and I said, jesus Christ. You do good work, my man. How do we get you off those dinos or something like that? I don't really remember, Rob. So jump in and interrupt me if you remember something different.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

No, no, you. You were very complimentary of my work.

[A]

Charming you into gorilla camp.

[E]

You. You asked me initially about a gorilla.

[A]

And out of context. In context, none of it's fine.

[B]

We both were both spiraling. He's got his nose.

[A]

Your wife have a text thread. I know.

[B]

Yeah. So we went a little back and forth.

[E]

Keep going a little back and forth. And then, I mean, I don't want to ruin the surprise of what was actually made, so.

[B]

But I had not seen it.

[A]

No.

[E]

Well, I mean, you saw the initial.

[B]

Yeah, we did some. Yes. And then you made a little something for Gareth, too.

[E]

I did. Y.

[B]

And so I think this. I have been. This has been in my. I've been dying to open it because this has now been. How long have we been doing this? Two months.

[A]

Dying.

[E]

Yeah. Two months, I would say.

[B]

Yeah. So.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Shall we?

[A]

Well, do you want to do yours first? Since it's pretty obvious what it's going to be.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do mine first. And then.

[A]

Oh, my God. I can only.

[B]

That's not fair.

[A]

Yes. I can only imagine. Then you are very excited now you've seen some.

[B]

So, Rob, will you explain the process of what we've done as I've done this in terms of the photo and everything else.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah. So initially you sent me a photo. I had asked you for a photo of. Of the creature that you wanted, and so you sent that over to me. I sent you a couple other ones just so that. Because they had a little bit better angle. Then took that photo, started sculpting in a program that I have called Zbrush. And you basically start with a virtual ball.

[A]

Rub the seriousness on Jake's face.

[B]

I don't want to make a huge mess because then we got to clean it.

[A]

You don't gotta clean it. Keep going, Rob.

[B]

All the things. I feel like I'm at home.

[E]

So then you just. It's basically like sculpting in real life, except you are doing it virtually. So in periodically between my sculpting sessions, I would send Jake updates. And, you know, there was only Rob positive feedback ever.

[A]

Yeah. What was.

[B]

I gave you a positive feedback because the work was excellent. I'm not a guy just giving.

[A]

Get a garage YouTube. Rob, let's average response time from Jake when a picture would be sent or. Or an update.

[E]

An hour, two, if that. I mean, I'm pretty sure he was the one.

[A]

Any part of you surprised at the response time responses?

[E]

Initially, yeah.

[A]

And then eventually you were like, it's been 40 minutes. I hope Jake's okay.

[B]

Eventually he's like, slow down on the emails, man. I gotta go to bed.

[A]

Okay, so Jake is tearing through the. And then.

[B]

Do you want to start?

[A]

Sure. Start the opening of mine.

[B]

The only reason I want to be extra careful is I don't want to break it.

[A]

Oh, well, I've got. Did you get a card?

[B]

I did.

[A]

Okay, we'll open the cards after. I'll open my card now while you're. Okay. Gives us some content, doesn't it? Okay, I got a card here. Thank you, Rob. First of all, Rob, I don't know what the hell this is, but thank you very much already. Gareth. Jake wanted you to have this. Enjoy, Rob. Well, again, Rob, you are. You've always been a wordsmith.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

From the heart. All right, Rob. Jake is getting closer and closer.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Are you talented?

[A]

Are you talking to me or Rob?

[B]

I mean, this is. I'm a guy who used to think of myself as a sculptor.

[A]

Oh, wow. All right, let's. Let's get. Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, my God. Let me. Let's have a. Show it to the camera. Let's have a look here.

[B]

Hold on, Rob. A hundred out of 100. It couldn't be better. My kid.

[A]

Oh, my God. It is.

[B]

That is as good as it gets. Look at how fucking good that looks.

[A]

Now, I want to say a couple of things very quickly. Going to go bed. Morgan has asked. Jesus Christ. Like the mob's trying to get you. Rob, the work is exceptional. Except how touched Jake is by it.

[B]

Probably the best thing I've ever.

[A]

You have two daughters, so be careful.

[B]

This is the third best thing I've ever been.

[A]

Okay. Okay. All right. There we go.

[B]

Rob. Thank you. I truly love it. You are so talented, my man. The paint job you did on this is phenomenal. The eyes. You crushed it.

[E]

I appreciate it.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

That was one of the things that delayed things.

[B]

And now for Garrett's.

[A]

Okay. I am opening mine.

[B]

Rob, you're a master talent, man.

[E]

I appreciate it.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

But I think you are going to have to explain to people that. Why you didn't get gorillas.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Well, yeah, we're all cur.

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

I love it, Rob. I love my. I love my chimp head as well.

[B]

Look at these.

[A]

Look at. So it's chimp. Us.

[B]

Look at the head here, right at the camera. Together. I mean, come on, man.

[A]

I mean, I cannot. I am absolutely. And it's got a little place for Steve to put his weed if he wants to.

[B]

And yours is a ginger.

[A]

And obviously I've.

[D]

No.

[A]

It's not been lost on me that mine is the. The heretic of the group, the outcast. Jackie, before we go, Jackie, thoughts on how this is all shaken out.

[D]

Oh, I'm. I'm so excited that you guys love him. He really had so much fun doing it. It was the first time he ever did a primate, to my knowledge. So I'm really excited.

[B]

And what did you. What was it for you when he was talking chimp faces rather than dinosaurs? Did you realize it's just him talking about sculpture that annoys you? Or is. Or is it just the dinosaurs that bugged you? Was it fun to hear about a chimp's face?

[D]

It was fun to. To watch him learn about the process. I think it was the. The lots of dinosaurs that was the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So we've thrown him off the dinosaurs a little.

[B]

Look, he. He's going to be doing Jose soon. He's going to be doing Steve Berg's face. You know how long he's gonna have to talk about figuring out those cheeks?

[A]

Yeah, I. I don't know if your problem is why. Gotten better. But it's become a Business. So now he's talking about work instead. With dinosaurs.

[B]

Be interested in commissioning an Eric.

[A]

We all know that you're very. Honestly. Let's. Let's sidebar after this and let's sort of talk about.

[B]

Because it is. Okay.

[A]

It's a problem.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we've had these for four minutes and you're already talking about all the other things you. You need.

[B]

You need a Jose. I. I want a Jose coming up.

[A]

You need to stop talking like, when's your birthday? Is it close to Christmas? But I don't want it. It's not. Look, I'll take it. Okay. How about this? If Rob, if you start working so much in the garage, do one of your head and put it next to Jackie when she's watching tv. It'll be like you're there. Solved another one. New problem.

[B]

Rob, you are. I hope this is the beginning of a huge explosion for you. It should be one more time. The website.

[E]

That's apexrex3d.com.

[B]

Jackie, we are. We appreciate you. We appreciate you guys both being involved. Rob, you're going to see that in the background of all my shots. I'm going to put it up. It's going to be right behind my head. I'm sure it's going on your wall, too.

[A]

Obviously.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's gonna look like I killed the chimp in the wild. People want them to charge more for everything. Yeah. People in the chat are saying, charge, charge more. But I don't even. Oh, they're on the website. Yeah. Okay. I thought they were just going off. Not enough.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

I mean, I definitely. I. I'm pricing based on the past.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

What people are willing to pay now, you know.

[B]

See what happens in.

[E]

In the Jurassic park community, there's high rollers. Those little rollers.

[B]

I'm trying to think. You're gonna make a lot of money when the movie comes out.

[E]

Movie came out.

[B]

Never mind.

[A]

All right, Rob, thanks.

[B]

Great to see you, buddy.

[A]

Yeah. Take care. Thanks, Jackie. Thanks again, Robbie. Awesome. Thank you. Get ready for an email in one minute. Hello.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hi. How are you doing?

[D]

Good.

[A]

Great. Welcome to the live Patreon 200th episode.

[B]

100 is crazy.

[A]

It will go. We just got chimp heads. Things are happening. I don't even know.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. I don't even know what to explain, but welcome to the show. Very excited you're here. What is your name, please?

[D]

I am Bennett.

[A]

Bennett and Bennett, where are you calling from?

[D]

San Luis Obispo County, California.

[A]

Beauty and rough age.

[D]

Bennett, I'm about to turn 30 next week on Monday.

[A]

Congrats.

[B]

Really quick pause. Hey, Rob, will you ask the audience if anybody's got a question for her that we could start this call with?

[A]

Yeah, I think you just did.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

I got one real quick.

[B]

What is it, Bennett?

[A]

If you were able to have the head made of any species of animal, which is now possible.

[B]

Great question.

[A]

Thanks to our friend Rob, what animal head would you commission?

[D]

It would be my head or it would be a head in my possession.

[B]

A head in my possession?

[A]

No idea.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Like a human head?

[D]

Explain my head. I would, like, have the head of a cat or I would have.

[B]

Oh, you were my house. Oh, so you're at. So is yours a statement or a question?

[D]

My question is, if it was going to be my head, I would want the head of a cat.

[B]

If it was gonna be.

[A]

I think that's plenty.

[D]

I think that's no head of an animal. Just randomly in my house.

[B]

Okay, but what was the thing about, if it was gonna be mine, the.

[A]

Head of a cat, she's gonna make.

[B]

So you would just want a cat and her Anna. But your face. Whoa. By the way, I got a guy who could probably do that. So it's a mix between a cat and your head. I might take Jose and mix it with Garrett.

[A]

I have a feeling it's gonna be Jake. Chimp stop. That's port number one.

[B]

I got you back.

[A]

No, you'll wait.

[D]

Okay, I am in deep trouble.

[A]

Okay, let's talk.

[D]

I messed up and I lied about it, and I need some help getting out or making this situation better.

[B]

All right, well, what's up?

[D]

Okay, so my me, my boyfriend, my dad, and my brother all went to a wedding last weekend. Or. No, last month. Sorry. And then they had disposable cameras for the guests to take pictures of the wedding from their point of view. Right. So my boyfriend got his own disposable camera, and he had big plans for it. The first 23 pictures were jump scares. And then people's faces really quick. So, like, he'd scream at someone, they turn around, and then he'd get a picture of their face.

[B]

So he would just yell at people and take photos?

[D]

Yes. And then the 24th was a picture of his phone with the Google search results of 9. 11 was a inside job, so he got a little bit mysterious.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. And then the 25th, he's wondering, what do we do for the 25th? He comes up to me, my dad, and my brother. He goes, what Do I do? This is the coup de grace. This is the last picture on the disposable camera. What do I do? My dad looks outside. He sees that the moon. There's a full moon, and we're in Ocean Beach, California, in San Diego. And he goes, how about we moon the camera on the Ocean beach pier with the full moon in the background? So that's the last picture. So we all go to the OB Pier, the sun setting, there's people all around. I'm the one taking the picture, and I go, okay, there's one moment where there's nobody on the pier. I go, three. I'm on the count of three. I'm going to take the picture or pull down your pants. They go, three, two, one. I clicked on one right before they pulled their pants down, and I messed up. So I was able to take pictures on my cell phone. But when my boyfriend came up to me, he was stoked. Did you get it? I'm so excited. Did you get the picture? I told him yes. So my question is, when he asked the bride and groom about this disposable camera and how the pictures turned out, and they say nothing about a mooning picture, and all they see is a picture of men with their hands on their waist. What should I do? Or should I tell the truth? Or. I mean, he was stoked, you guys.

[B]

So, okay, so everybody was excited about this goofy photo, and you did it a little bit early, and you blew it. And in the moment, you didn't want. You. You didn't want to say you blew it because everybody was excited, and that's kind of a buzzkill. So, you know, I even get the.

[D]

Full moon in the picture.

[B]

Right? You took a bad pick.

[A]

Yeah. You blew it.

[B]

You blew it.

[A]

Completely blew it.

[B]

And so then when she. When you. They asked, did you get it? You didn't want to eat crow in the moment, so you said, got it. For some reason.

[A]

Yep. I understand.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Few people just pulled their pants down.

[B]

I know. It's a whole thing.

[A]

Everybody, there's an energy.

[B]

Back in the day before cell phones, you did have one shot.

[A]

Yes. No. You got. You got your camp film developed, and you'd be like, ah, not great. Yeah.

[B]

And so soon they're going to be able to ask the bride and groom about the pics, and you're wondering, do you come up with a big lie? I mean, it's gonna be clear you didn't get it.

[A]

Well, yes. Who. Who's friends with the bride or the groom? You or Ben or your boyfriend? You are.

[D]

It's me. Yeah.

[A]

Who are you friends with the bride?

[D]

I'm friends with both of them, but mostly the bride.

[B]

Are you thinking, like, ask her to say that the shot worked?

[A]

I think you could do one of two things. You could say the shot worked or you could say it was, like, too dark to see what was going on. So it's like the actual night ruined. The picture versus Bennett.

[B]

I'm gonna go in another direction. Bennett.

[D]

So I have the. I have the picture of it.

[A]

Oh, you do?

[D]

With their pants now let's see it on my phone. I have it. I sent it to you guys.

[A]

Oh, you just missed the moon.

[E]

You've just got separate.

[D]

That's not.

[A]

Not from the disposable camera.

[D]

That was the one. Yeah.

[A]

Can we just.

[B]

What's going on with the guy in the middle?

[D]

Yeah, that's my brother, but I see.

[B]

Two normal butts and then like a green.

[A]

Hold on, let's talk. Let's talk about the dad first. He's got a great butt, wonderful shape.

[B]

The. I think he's got a friend of the guy on the left.

[A]

Yeah, the guy. And. And dare I say who's in the middle? That's your brother.

[B]

Brother's in the middle and he's wearing his underpants.

[D]

Does it look like there's a lot.

[B]

Of something's going on?

[D]

No one ever said that he was fine.

[B]

Okay, so.

[A]

Well, he's got his glasses held on by a strap, so I don't think.

[B]

I've ever seen a butt like the guy on the left, to be honest.

[A]

Guy on the left. But that's her boyfriend.

[B]

I know, but I'm not. I'm not trying to be weird here. The. It's like the Grand Canyons in between those cheeks.

[A]

Yeah. There is a real. Talk about a full moon. Your. Your boyfriend's bottom defin has a.

[B]

A full divide.

[A]

There's harder to see. There's a full plate tectonic.

[B]

How high up on his body does that? What do you mean? He's really lucky.

[A]

I don't think we're saying the same thing.

[B]

I think your dad's very lucky.

[A]

Now your dad, on the other hand.

[D]

Walking around.

[A]

Can get it for your dad. Can get it.

[B]

The brother, the middle.

[A]

He's a lost brother. Where is his own set of problems? I believe he has pens in his back pocket.

[B]

How many. How many marathons does your dad run, Honestly? And so I'm trying to figure out, Bennett, where the call is here. Because you got the photo of them you don't have the moon. We're just talking about when your brother, who kept his underpants on, says, can I see the photo from the bride and the groom?

[D]

I think he's gonna be really bummed out when he finds out that his whole disposable camera there was the coup de grace. The big deal. Last photo did not end up turning out the way it was. Yeah, I think that bummer because he's.

[B]

Expecting the bride and groom to have a great laugh and it to be in like the book and everybody's happy. It's a beautiful shot of the moon. How fun. And then seeing dad's little ass. Sorry, I got distracted. I looked at dad's little ass.

[A]

Dad's ass is good. So what's dad doing? Is he crossfit? What's it.

[B]

Why does your dad have such a great little body?

[A]

He's a surfer. That's what it is.

[D]

Water, man.

[A]

He's just. It's fantastic.

[B]

He's just crushing it with that.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly. And then it's a shame we got to see your brother's ass.

[B]

Oh, I know why your brother's not showing off. He's. He's intimidated by your dad's house.

[A]

You know what else he's doing? He's pushing out. He's probably covering some. He knows he's got this. He's got.

[B]

His dad is a monster.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He's got booty daddy issues. Well, his dad stands out.

[B]

Dropping a monster in front.

[A]

I mean. All right, then we're going to get into the problem. But I believe the brother. I believe the boyfriend is looking. I also don't think his pants. I think he's got covered in the front. Dad, pants down, dong out. He doesn't mind going to prison for.

[B]

This, by the way. What the dad is doing there. I have seen adult men do it. Wrigley Field at the trough.

[A]

Now you're about to say whoppers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're moving on.

[B]

I'm even talking about the pants I have seen.

[A]

That's the best.

[B]

Drop pants to below the knee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In a line full of men.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dick out, Hands on the side.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Just pissing in a bucket.

[A]

I mean, I don't like it there that whatever her dad's doing is working for me.

[B]

What the dad's doing. God damn it. Is a power play to his son. Look at how he's breaking that boy.

[A]

Yeah, he is. He has broken it.

[B]

Look at the weird position he's got, Pen. Look at the way he's, like, pushing his butt out. And his dad's so confident.

[A]

Brother. Yeah, you're talking about the brother. The brother in.

[B]

The brother in the middle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, he doesn't care.

[A]

No, the boyfriend.

[D]

The boyfriend.

[A]

Look, the boyfriend is clearly in a long term relationship because he doesn't mind showing two hams and a cage. Dad's rocking brother again. Looks like there's some sweat. It's a wedding. No shame.

[B]

But that's what.

[A]

I don't know. It's either. Either way.

[B]

By the way, if it's sweaty, drop the underpants.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

I mean, if it was Gareth on a plane, he would. What, did you take the underpants all the way off and throw them out?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's Gareth? He would just.

[A]

By the way, another time on a plane. I. I was flying back from England and I. I found, like, edibles in my bag. Before I left, I was like, oh, I brought him over. For some reason, Adam had a pretty.

[B]

Tough flight, I bet.

[A]

And at one point got obsessed with the idea of taking my boxers off. I was like, they were so constricting.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

So I went. Yeah, weird. So I went to the bathroom and I took those off and I put them in my pants pocket and walked back to my seat like they were a hanky.

[B]

Hold on, Bennett. So you ate some weeds?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your underpants were too tight.

[A]

I was sitting there watching Moneyball and I just kept going, these are a nightmare. I want. I want them off. And it became obsessive and so I went to the bathroom and, like, Tommy boyed around.

[B]

Ripped off your underpants?

[A]

Yeah, everything was. Dropped my phone on the bathroom floor. I was like, this is so bad. I was laughing my ass off and then went back and I sat down. I was like, that is the best. It was like the whole flight got better.

[B]

Amazing. So, Bennett, I'm trying to figure out what we could even do to pitch on this, but I don't even know who we're pitching to. So it's when the.

[A]

I got a pitch.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

Basically just a bottom line. Your problem, Bennett. You don't want these people to know you. The picture up now, the picture you got here on your camera, on your phone. Do you feel good about this picture?

[B]

Yeah, it's great. She didn't get the moon.

[D]

I think that'll do it.

[A]

Okay, so here's what I'm going to suggest.

[B]

We're going to give it to them.

[A]

We're going to lie and we're going to say you're. We're going to frame that. We're going to treat this picture to make it look like it's got a little bit more of a disposable camera to it.

[B]

A good idea. We're going to do.

[A]

We're going to frame it. We're going to ask them at some point.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It. To have your boyfriend over. And when he comes over, you're going to display the picture and you're gonna. They're gonna give you credit for how good it came out. And when you guys are leaving, they're gonna give it to him and say, this picture was such a good idea we want you to have.

[B]

So I love everything about this. Besides, you're counting on a third party again.

[A]

Well, this is true.

[B]

So how about using Bennett to do it?

[A]

Great. Love it.

[B]

And that is same everything.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But Bennett, you. You say you went over, you saw him. Just say to your friends, I just printed out this photo. Just please tell me, please. If it ever comes up, which it won't.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

But as a gift that they sent you for coming, put a little thing that says a frame that goes like, thanks again. And just give this to the three men.

[A]

I love that too.

[B]

And no one's gonna ask. They're gonna go like, God, we're legends.

[A]

Give it a little tr. I. I think that's right.

[B]

We did it.

[A]

And I think the show needs one of these two. But just of your dad. Just do your dad's.

[B]

I think the show needs that.

[A]

Yeah, we do. Hey, you know what? We could have Rob make one of these.

[B]

Dad butt.

[A]

Yeah, dad butt. I gotta go to the bathroom.

[B]

No, you don't. So what do you think about that? What do you think about printing it out, beating it up a little bit, putting in a little frame and giving it. Say you were gifted this from the group. She absolutely loved it. Said thanks so much for everybody.

[A]

She can't hang it in her place.

[B]

Or just like as like one of like the gift they gave is they printed out really fun photos and gave to people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And this is what they gave to this group.

[A]

Like it? Yep.

[B]

What do you think, Bennett?

[D]

I think. I think that would work out. I never even thought about that. Fabulous.

[B]

Yeah, I think it really work. I think it's fun. Everybody gets a laugh. And then because you do have this photo. So it really works.

[D]

So I would clue them in, right. I would tell the bride and groom.

[A]

But you just.

[D]

I'm doing.

[A]

Yes, you just. But you say what?

[B]

You give the bride and groom a copy too.

[A]

You just say it'll probably never come up. But if it does, this picture was from the disposable camera, because this is.

[B]

You tell the bridegroom exactly what happened. They'll get.

[A]

Play this.

[B]

Yes. They also will get this photo, which is what you wanted them to have.

[A]

And.

[B]

But let's. And then ask them. Live with this. Live forever.

[A]

I think what you could also do is wait a few years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you could reveal the lengths you went to to cover up.

[B]

I think that's a lot of fun.

[A]

It becomes a lot more of a. Yes. It becomes a lot more of an interesting story. And then you can unburden yourself of the picture.

[B]

I think that's a lot of fun. What do you think, Bennett?

[D]

I think we did it. Thank you, pal.

[B]

And how do you think you're going.

[A]

To tell your dad that we need a picture just of his.

[B]

We can just crop the other boys out.

[A]

Bingo. Don't need to answer it. Go ahead.

[B]

Do that in two seconds.

[A]

Bingo. Try Bennett. We don't need you on this one. We got your dad.

[B]

Obviously wasn't the question.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

How you. How you gonna tell bride and groom? How you gonna do it?

[D]

I think it's gonna be a phone call because they live far away.

[B]

Oh, this is something.

[D]

I'm not gonna see them for a moment. So it's gonna be a phone call where. Or maybe like a FaceTime where I can share my screen.

[B]

Great.

[D]

And show them the picture. I don't think that they. They're not the problem.

[A]

You know, you might not even have to tell them. Safe to do so.

[B]

Bennett, if you're happy, we're happy. Thank you for the call.

[A]

Good luck.

[D]

Thanks, everybody.

[B]

Thank you. Bye. This episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by Angry Orchard. Hard cider. Don't get angry. Get orchard. Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about. But let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. I am angry that Eric Adelstein isn't on the show more often. I am angry that Steve Berg is not on the show more often. I find those men to be absolute kings.

[A]

There's a lot of things that we shouldn't get angry about. You know what happened to me the other day? I was on the road. I was doing some laundry, and it ate one of my quarters. Now, quarters on the road are very, very important, especially when it comes to laundry. And I had to go to the front desk to get more quarters. They didn't have any. All right. I just wore dirty underwear. So instead of getting angry over one of your situations, get an angry Orchard and feel good, feel chill and refreshed. Not getting pissed off, but just having a tasty orchard.

[B]

Angry Orchard is the number one hard cider in the country. I'm a fan of Angry Orchard myself. I drink cider. I like Angry Orchard. Grab an Angry Orchard cider today. Don't get angry. Get orchard. Please drink responsibly. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Google Gemini college students.

[A]

Do you know you could turn the most complex topics into simplified ideas or hours of research into just minutes? How about turning class notes into practice quizzes that help you get the big idea? With Google Gemini, you can do all that and more. You can even turn long reads into quick listens. Because what could be better than a podcast? I really wish there was something like this when I went into college. It would have probably helped me a good amount. But Google Gemini is a great way to practice. Get ready for all the things coming your way. Use a little Google Gemini. When I was a boy, Gemini was just a gladiator. But Google has taken that idea and run with it.

[B]

The great news is students get Google Gemini's Pro plan free for one year. Sign up by October 6th to get free access to Gemini 2.5 Pro, unlimited image uploads, deep research notebook, LM, 2 TB of storage, and more. Visit Gemini Google students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply. Well, is anybody able to see the comments on the Patreon?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

If anybody has any questions while we are waiting, this is a pretty good time to do it.

[D]

I just don't want to know how.

[A]

They win this fest. Well, then we need the last call.

[B]

Well, let's create. How about this? Let's create a contest right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And let's do it before the next caller comes back.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And perhaps. Is it technically. Can we technically have different Patreon people call in and get on the show?

[D]

Yeah, we can.

[B]

So why don't we do a quick contest? Call in. You got 30 seconds to pitch. Why? You deserve the vest.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

At the end of the show, we will pick the winner.

[D]

Oh, hello.

[B]

Hi.

[D]

Holy crap.

[B]

So, first of all, what is your name?

[D]

My name is Miranda.

[B]

I'm gonna go. Ready, set, action. You have 30 seconds to pitch. Why? You should get the vest. Okay.

[A]

Ready.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Ready, set, go.

[D]

I think I should get the best because. Because I've been a big fan of Garrett's for a long time, and also I'm a big fan of you and just this podcast in general. And I think it would be super fun to have it. But also I work for a multimedia company. We got a photo studio, we got video, we got cgi. I'm a retoucher. So I could take a really cool photo shoot of the vest and retouch. Something funny with the vest. Maybe. I was thinking like that old guy's butt.

[B]

30 seconds is up. Miranda, by the way, you got best pitch so far. Well, I'm for sure, and I will say this, Miranda, the tough things about being first is this. I think you. We gotta just turn this into the Voice now. Okay, so now you finished your thing. Now it's. You got the judges. I think the beginning with the compliments of the stuff ate some of the time for me. Once she got into the photo shoots, got very excited. The idea of that old man, that on top of the old man with the butt, that's a big thing for me. Gareth, your your thoughts?

[A]

Big fan of that, I would say. Yes. Your plant like, thank you very much. But your plan with the vest is what's exciting.

[B]

So out of 10, what do you give Miranda?

[A]

I like the idea of putting it on. I like the idea of putting vest. I kind of forest gumping the vest in old things that we posted. I like that idea a lot. If she can commit to that, that gets me from a seven to an eight.

[B]

I'm at an eight. Five. So let's combine. Give her 8.25.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, Miranda, thank you so much for calling in the running.

[A]

Yeah, but I mean, you're crushing so far right now. You're winning without question.

[B]

But we'll see. Once somebody gets more than 8.25, Miranda, you're out of the competition.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Next. Yeah.

[D]

I'm Adam from Dayton, Ohio, and I'm 25.

[B]

Add a boy, Adam. So, Adam, you want the vest?

[A]

Yeah, I want it.

[B]

You know the rules of this crazy game. We're going to give you 30 seconds in three.

[A]

You know the rules.

[B]

Three, two. Adam, take it away.

[D]

All right. I'm getting married in October and I think the vest would be the greatest addition to my suit for the wedding.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And I know how to flaunt even a bad looking vest and make it look good. And I think my future wife will love it too. They don't call me flat them for nothing.

[A]

They don't call you what? Rat him.

[D]

Platinum.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

And that's 30 seconds.

[A]

Miranda, it was a pleasure knowing you.

[B]

So, Adam, we're gonna put you on Mute for a second. Because we're not allowed to do questions because of the arbitrary rules of the game. Because we didn't do it to Miranda.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gareth, your thoughts?

[A]

Well, Ratam stepped it up.

[B]

Rat him.

[A]

Radham stepped it. Well, Adam. But he calls him Radom because he makes radical decisions. Like this one. Putting. Putting this vest on in your wedding.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

That's a huge upgrade. Unfortunately, that's big for me.

[B]

Okay. But here's my question. Is. This is what I wish we could ask Adam questions. Can't.

[D]

No time.

[B]

Here's the problem.

[A]

We just came up with this game four minutes.

[B]

She's 100% right.

[A]

You know the rules.

[B]

So here's the problem. I don't want this vest on.

[A]

It.

[B]

Party picks. I want it during the vows.

[A]

I agree. That's what he said.

[B]

Can the judges. Can.

[A]

Can we get clarification? We don't need to talk to him.

[B]

Will it be in his wedding photos? In, like the front during vows or is it party?

[A]

Let's ask him. He can answer yes or no.

[B]

Yes. Agreed. So this is a yes.

[A]

Every now and then we get one yes or no.

[B]

So this is a yes or no. Will you be wearing it while you say your vows? While you exchange the ring and you do the kiss? The answer. Is it yes or no to that?

[A]

Random.

[B]

Is it yes or no to that?

[D]

Yeah. Answer is yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's okay. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you so much for. Thank you for joining.

[D]

There's no way she's letting him wear that.

[A]

She might be a fan, too.

[B]

Adam, can you come back on?

[A]

Plat him. One more.

[B]

Both. Adam, are you on?

[A]

It's going to be two callers. That Adam's going to win.

[B]

Adam, he's back.

[A]

Adam, your wife's going to let that happen? All right, Adam, listen. We weren't allowed to do follow up.

[D]

Hear me?

[A]

Oh.

[D]

I'm his fiance. I said yes.

[A]

Okay. All right. Great. There we go. Bingo bango. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

10 is my answer.

[B]

Thank you so much. Thank you.

[A]

9.8. I need a little wiggle room.

[B]

I'm gonna go 9.2.

[A]

Great.

[B]

So we are at 9.5.

[A]

Whatever. Bye. Miranda, we love you. Thank you.

[B]

Miranda, we're really sorry, but you're out.

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

She wrote. Damn it.

[B]

This has become a exciting game.

[A]

I agree. 24 people in the waiting room.

[B]

Okay, so.

[D]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

On to the next. Let's do this. But the idea of somebody wearing that vest in a wedding photo.

[D]

No. Like his whole wedding.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

Huge.

[B]

So, guys, if you're going to call in. Good luck, but you're now beating a 9.5. Next caller, whenever you're ready. Hi, you there?

[D]

This is Aaron. Just, just. Yeah, this is Aaron. I'm just calling it enough that I. That I did lose the tickets. Guys, wait.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[D]

She's been in the chat.

[A]

Wait, Aaron. Yeah. Judd call.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, you should have lost the tickets.

[D]

Oh, I did. Yeah. My friends all voted. Everyone voted against me.

[B]

And so what did you. Oh, you gave the tickets to your ex.

[D]

Yeah, because they're right.

[B]

Stop. Aaron, hold on. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron, stop. This is an actual follow up now. Can we get your name, please?

[D]

Yes, this is Aaron.

[B]

Aaron. And we just talked to you a little bit. But Aaron, you are the person from the Judd call. You did the singing. You had the X. And it was for the Lions tickets, correct?

[D]

Yep.

[B]

And we pitched, we had a sing off, and you beat all of us in the end. And then you quote unquote, won the tickets.

[D]

Yeah, but we all know, you know.

[B]

So, Aaron, this is a follow up. What's happening now here, kid.

[D]

So at first, after it happened, I talked to her and she felt bad she didn't show up. So she's like, okay, I'll let you have the tickets. Which I was like, fair. But then it came out and it was worse than, you know, she expected. And then so she was like, I think you didn't really agree to the terms. Which is true when you listen to it. I did say if I lost to Gareth that I would give Sophie the tickets.

[B]

And that's true by the way.

[D]

I lost. So. Holy shit. My tickets.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Can we try last second to get her money back?

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

You don't get the money back, Aaron.

[D]

No.

[B]

This is the opposite of a ringing of the bell.

[D]

I literally transferred the tickets today.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

All we got to go to is the preseason.

[A]

Preseason.

[B]

Can we last second? Last second. Try the X one more time.

[A]

This is Sophie. Sophie, this is amazing.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

We were just in vest picture.

[B]

I know. But this is now follow.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

This is now episode 200. We're back in it.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

So, Aaron, here's what I would say. Yeah, I think it's that you're paying for them. I think.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I think what's fair to Sophie and Sophie, if you get the guts, email the show. But you don't deserve to get it for free. I think you owe her that money. And what I would be willing to do on this, if you're comfortable, Aaron, is I'd be Willing to try to contact People's Court.

[A]

Wait, what was the last part?

[B]

Contact People's Court and try to get.

[A]

She's gonna contact People's Court.

[D]

Are you offering to represent her?

[B]

You're gonna do it, Aaron, I'm gonna represent you in People's Court.

[D]

Short.

[A]

And I'm gonna represent Sophie.

[B]

But no, because you're doing it as a bit. You don't think Sophie deserves it? I'm doing this for real.

[A]

Oh, I thought we were doing bits.

[D]

Wait, can you guys leave her a voicemail to ask me, like, give me money back?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What do you want? What do you want me to say exactly?

[B]

We don't have to do it as a voicemail. We could do it and clip it and send it to you after. Right, so we could just go. Right. Okay, so this is Two Camera. This is to Sophie about Aaron. Hey, Sophie, we need to leave you a little message here about the contest. This is me, obviously, Jake Johnson, and this is Gareth Reynolds.

[A]

Hi. Hi. Hello.

[B]

So we know, and you know what happened with the tickets. And you know in your heart of hearts that you didn't show up. I'm not getting into the details of your breakup because I don't know him. But I'm just a man who likes to live in balance what's fair and what's not fair. And I think you're dead right. I think you're dead right that she didn't beat Gareth.

[A]

No, she didn't. I have the voice of an angel. It was very difficult for her to overcome that. But I still think what Jake's alluding to is the idea that you can't fault someone for coming in second to a contest you refuse to show up to.

[B]

What your defense would be on this was we created arbitrary rules and said if you beat Gareth, then you get him. If you don't, you don't. You're right on that.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Here's where there's a catch that I don't feel comfortable with. I don't think you should get the tickets and not pay for.

[D]

For them.

[B]

That feels like horseshit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're saying, I don't want to spend all the money for those tickets, fine, give her four back. But here's what I'm going to propose to you, Sophie. Let's do this. Either we get the face value of the one ticket, not all of them.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because she. She didn't buy all, you know, your. Your seat. Her seat, two butts, and you pay her back for her seat, or we do this. The tickets Are yours. You have first pick of games, but you send her half back and the money's clean.

[A]

Or we have them both call in for a new competition.

[B]

The actual sing off.

[D]

Oh, there we go.

[B]

So, Sophie, dealer's choice to you. You could obviously do what you want. You could say, like, I'm gonna take my blow and keep it too. But I think it's horseshit. And I think in your heart of hearts, you think it's horseshit too. I do think you are right that you won the tickets. The tickets are yours. But then you gotta pay for them or give her half back. Give her the shitty games. You get the good games. You get first pick. I would hate this to go to people's court.

[A]

Yeah, no, nobody wants that.

[B]

Thank you, Sophie. Aaron, in terms of a follow up, how you feeling? Yeah, it's a bad one.

[D]

I mean, I mean, it's fair, but it still sucks. You know, it's one of those.

[B]

Should we give you the vest?

[A]

Aaron, hold on a second. I'm gonna jump in real quick. We got the vest getting worn at a wedding. At the vows, it's just girls. Figure it out. We'll get her another verse.

[B]

I'm not giving you the chimpanzee.

[A]

Nobody's suggesting you give the goddamn chip. We'll give her the dad ass. You want an ass of a nice dad? He's 65. He's in incredible shape.

[B]

So, Aaron, you now have 30 seconds. You want to pitch. Why? You should get the vest.

[D]

What?

[B]

In three?

[A]

What?

[B]

Two?

[A]

What? What is the greatest.

[D]

I mean, I don't have a pitch, and I don't really think I deserve anything.

[A]

Six, two, and a nice try.

[D]

Circles back to my original statement that. What? You know, more disappointment, you know?

[A]

Six, five.

[D]

I don't deserve it.

[A]

Can you say 30 seconds? Thank you for the pitch. Aaron, we love you so much. We're gonna. We're gonna figure this out. Maybe Sophie calls back in. Maybe we figure it out. But, but, but the vest. I think, unfortunately, the vest is already spoken for.

[B]

That's 30 seconds.

[D]

Quite all right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Aaron, we appreciate the call.

[D]

I mean, not thanks, but thanks.

[B]

Yeah, I get it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you.

[D]

All right. Bye.

[A]

Take care.

[B]

All right, we got a couple. Anybody else coming in?

[A]

Yeah, we got so many people.

[B]

Okay. All right, let's do it.

[A]

We can't do all of. I mean, let's do like three more.

[D]

Hey, this is John.

[B]

Hey, John.

[A]

Hey, John. How are you?

[D]

Good.

[A]

There you go. Great. Man of business. John, you got a pitch for the vest?

[D]

Well, I was going to call in and pitch that I was going to wear it to your show in Kansas City next month. But I think Team Platinum now, I can't beat that.

[A]

Thank you so much for the stepping up. Appreciate it. Love you. See you in Kansas City. Steve Berg opening for me at those shows.

[B]

No way. Great idea.

[A]

All right, here's another one.

[B]

Hi, can we get your name?

[D]

Oh hey, it's Amina.

[B]

Hey, how are you?

[A]

Yeah, Jake, her name once again.

[D]

I'm good. How about you?

[B]

Amina.

[A]

Okay, Amina. All right, yeah, go ahead, go ahead Amina, you got a pitch.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

I mean it better be good.

[B]

Amina. In three, two, one, go.

[D]

All right. I doubt I'm gonna win over the guy.

[B]

That's not a great start.

[A]

28.

[D]

I've been on the show before and Gareth, I saw you in Nashville recently and hung out with Luke. It was a really great time.

[B]

You've been on this show, did you pitch a problem?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, hold on, hold on. Have we done a follow up yet?

[D]

Oh yeah, it wasn't a bell ringer but then later on it became.

[B]

Okay, hold on amina.

[A]

We have 30 second clock is amazing.

[B]

We have Amina on the line. This is a follow up. Amina, what was your first call?

[A]

Jake cobbling an episode out of the 2002.

[B]

She goes like this, I'm not gonna want to win the vest. I saw some guy named Luke. Who gives a shit?

[A]

You have a follow up about the jet skis?

[B]

I don't give a fuck about the guy who gets him coffee. We gotta live on planet earth to be now. So walk us through, what was the jet ski problem?

[D]

Okay, so my husband had a pair of jet skis and a vehicle out in the front yard and I was trying to figure out a way to get rid of them, right? And he episode aired too quickly so my husband caught wind of it before we could actually solve it.

[B]

Sucks. Okay, so did you do any pitches or we aired it too fast?

[D]

No, I did pitches like we were gonna do an email from like an HOA type of deal thing. Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. It was like last year.

[A]

Okay, yeah, we did.

[B]

So did we send one?

[D]

Yes, we did.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But the episode aired, I understood.

[B]

So it just, it all kind of crumbled. Then you said something interesting, Amina. Yeah, you said it was negative, but then it became positive. Can you tell us what happened?

[D]

So he finally, he finally got rid.

[B]

Of them on his own. He just got. Would you be careful with that Chimpet.

[A]

You are out of if you're my. I mean, listen to what just happened.

[B]

I agree. So he just decided if he chips that chimpet, there's going to be a fight.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

Or I'll put good hours into this.

[A]

Stop you nothing.

[B]

I said rob.

[A]

Oh. I said I.

[B]

So, Amina, he just decided to get rid of the jet ski. So it's a happy ended. But we did not help you get there.

[D]

I think you still helped me.

[B]

We didn't.

[A]

That's Panda started it.

[B]

No, but we didn't do the episode. Do you think the reason he got rid of him was because of listening to the episode?

[D]

Honestly, I think the attention on it did kind of make him think about it more.

[A]

Okay, hold on, Amina, I've got to answer this.

[B]

Yeah, that's a win, Amina. Thank you very much.

[D]

Yes, you're welcome.

[B]

It's sometimes not the pitch, but that's the beauty of this, beauty of the.

[A]

200Th is that that is a win and it'll probably make it into the final.

[B]

That's the main show.

[A]

It's a mean. That is main show material.

[B]

So, man, thank you for the call. We appreciate it. You're definitely not getting the best but this is definitely main show follow up. We appreciate you.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

You're welcome.

[B]

Thank you. Bye.

[A]

All right, we should probably say anyone who doesn't think they can beat the ratom platom unless you're a followup.

[B]

If anybody has a followup, we're begging for a call. Do you either come in with a follow up? We got two more people pitching on.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

If you don't think you're gonna win, don't do it.

[A]

Hang up. Yeah, come on.

[B]

All right, next person.

[D]

Hi, this is Jessica. I am from Illinois. Northern, Northern Chicago area. I'm on the Wisconsin border. I had a pitch and then I heard the wedding pitch and I felt like, okay, I got to top that. So my pitch is that the vest is worn at the wedding but is also then sent to me and my husband who are doing 10 year anniversary picks in Punta Cana and we will both wear vest in our 10 year anniversary picks.

[B]

What's your first name again?

[D]

Jessica.

[B]

Jessica. You might have just evolved things, Jessica.

[A]

You might have. You might be in second place and getting the best.

[B]

Might also be tied. If we might.

[A]

Well, we might be sending it from the wedding to.

[B]

You might travel.

[A]

The vest is probably going to travel.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I could also, because I'm very close to Chicago, get it to the van.

[B]

Oh, my God. We could take a photo of the vest on the van.

[A]

We gonna staple it? I don't know if you're just enamored. Whatever. Journey the best.

[B]

By the way, Jessica, we did this season one where there was like a guy who collected gumballs. Chewed gum.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And we were talking about the idea of it traveling around. We could do that with the vest. For real?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

The nicotine. Let's do it with the vest.

[A]

The sisterhood of the traveling vest.

[B]

Yeah. So it would start at this.

[A]

It starts with Radom.

[B]

It would start at his wedding.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Then it would go to you for your 10th anniversary.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, and then what we would have. Everybody would need to agree on. Adam, if you're listening, would you agree and just comment in the text. Would you send it to Jessica after? We'll get everybody's information.

[A]

He would rat him. He will.

[B]

Okay, so if it's a yes, by the way, you should be muted. But so we're gonna say right now. Thank you for that. Great idea, Natalie.

[A]

Watching her. Her mute rules. Slowly die on the vibe.

[B]

Okay. And now let's go to two more. But that's all right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think we might have a real winner circle.

[A]

All right, here we go. Hi. Go ahead. Vest pitch.

[D]

Okay. Yes. Hi. My name is mia, I am 28, and my vest pitch is I've been listening and I will wear it for my birthday and we can pass it all along. And I'll have a we're here to help themed birthday party.

[A]

You were in very early on that you just want the vest going everywhere. I can see that in your face, Jake. However, we're here to help birthday theme.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. What is a. What is a we're here to help birthday themed party?

[A]

Yeah, we're not allowed to ask followers, but that's the only one.

[D]

So we're here to help birthday theme party. I just would want the. The we're here to help like just my favorite different episodes playing of all times. And we'll be watching and listen opening and then like, hopefully I can get a cake with your guys'.

[B]

And what if everybody has to dress up as either Gareth me or their.

[A]

Favorite or their favorite color or their favorite caller?

[B]

Yeah, but everybody has to dress up.

[A]

Like a great idea their favorite caller. And can I suggest two of your friends show up with a couple low lift problems that the party solves?

[B]

That's fun.

[D]

Wow. Or we can all bring in Everyone can have a problem.

[B]

Everybody can have a problem.

[A]

It instead of happy birthday, you play the Mrs. Gingerbread theme.

[B]

That's cool. Wow. Gareth welcome back.

[D]

Maybe everyone can sing it for me.

[B]

Yes, everybody can sing.

[D]

Maybe they could learn it instead of the happy birthday.

[B]

Everybody can sing you. We love you.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

This is a great idea.

[D]

My birthday is September 18th.

[A]

Holy. Well, let's get moving.

[B]

I don't know when you might be first.

[A]

I don't know when Radom's wedding is.

[D]

But I can have a later. I mean, like. Like, I.

[B]

No, no, no, no. We could make this work.

[D]

Shine from everyone.

[B]

Okay, Mia, we appreciate it. You're in serious in contention. You're in serious contention.

[A]

I mean, you're probably getting the vest at some point. All right, here's one more. Okay.

[D]

Okay, so my. My pitch. I am. I'm in the suburbs of Chicago. Well, actually, I'm in Logan Square, but my pitch is to write a song and make a music video with the vest in it.

[B]

Great. What's your name?

[A]

Okay, done. Give us your address, please.

[B]

The answer is yes. What's your name?

[A]

Okay, no need to go any further. That took two seconds. We're good to go.

[B]

We'll be in touch, but this is a winner. You're getting the vest.

[A]

Don't worry about it.

[B]

Next call.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Last one.

[A]

Phyllis from Detroit. You want the vest? You got it. Hello?

[D]

Oh, my God. I'm here.

[A]

Yep. What do you want to do with the vest? You're getting it for sure. Why do you need it?

[B]

Everybody but Miranda.

[D]

Well, I just.

[B]

Miranda called back.

[A]

You got it.

[D]

I know. I just caught. I just taught my cat how to sit, stay, do paw, and do uppies, and I travel with her all the time, and I know Gareth loves Jose, so the vest would get a lot of cat time. I can put lots of treats in there, and I could also fashion it into, like, a pet bed or something.

[A]

All right, couple things. One, you're not making any changes to the vest. It's going everywhere. Two, nobody loses on the vest cape except Miranda. Three, you got the vest. Give us your address. Holy. I don't even understand.

[B]

We're not turning it into a cat bed.

[A]

No, we're not. I said no adjustments to be made to the vest.

[D]

But I won't turn it in. I won't turn it into a cat bed, but she can probably fit in one of the pockets, and I can take really cute pictures.

[B]

Sounds like you're taking shots at the vest, so. Okay, I got one of the really big boxes.

[A]

I can take a shot to the vest.

[B]

Oh, here's what we could do. We could create a thing on Patreon that Morgan will oversee, and we can have one member of the Patreon.

[A]

What if I told you. What if I told you when I walked up eight hours ago in the parking lot and I said, by the end of the night, we're going to be shipping the vest all across the country for different events and every.

[B]

So here's the. I would love it. What if. I thought you told me when you walked into the Headgum Studio before the first time wearing it or you buying it when you were like, I look pretty good.

[A]

When I bought. When I bought it in earnest. And I was like. And I was like, this will be mocked so mercilessly that it will be sent all over the country for events, for the podcast. It's going to be at a wedding.

[B]

So this has ended up again. What makes the show work is the community. And I think we got a huge win.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

We will figure out one more picture.

[A]

One more, One more.

[D]

Hey, this is. This is Cadence, AKA Snow Party.

[B]

Snow Party.

[D]

She's been. She's been all up in the chat.

[B]

So what's up? Snow Party.

[D]

Cool. So my idea for the vest was one. Because I wanted to wear it because I used to have one just like it in, like, 2009. But then I was like, that's kind of boring. So I have a Polaroid camera, and I was gonna, like, take weird photos of it, different places, and.

[B]

You got it.

[D]

Maybe end this. Well, okay.

[A]

Let her keep pitching.

[D]

Let her keep pitching at the end. That was my old plan.

[A]

Keep going. And then.

[D]

Weird Polaroid.

[B]

There you go. That's wonderful. She's gonna send Burke just Polaroids of her in this vest.

[A]

Great. Done.

[D]

Yeah. Me, weird places. Weird. I don't even know.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

It's great. Yep.

[B]

Great. You'll have it. So here's what we would need. Here's how we're going to do with the vest. The vest is going to travel.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Some. Someone's gonna send it to you. When you get it, do that work, and then we will hook you up with the next person you send it to the next person.

[A]

I love, love. I love the logistical fine point you're putting on this. All right? So at some point, you're going to get it. Do what you said. You're going to mail it off. Thank you.

[B]

Well, here's what's going to happen, and this is what I'm asking everybody in good faith. If everybody plays along. Oh, here's what I'm also asking everyone to do. Like, if you go to a Cabin. There's a book you write who had it in one of the pockets, say where you are and what you did with it.

[A]

Could also sign the inside part or.

[B]

Sign the inside part with it, like a Sharpie. Marker on the inside. So everybody sign it, date it, what state you're in, and let's see if we could. I know where I want it to end. I want to gift to the guy in Greenland.

[D]

He's not real.

[B]

We have a listener. Greenland.

[D]

I don't think he exists.

[B]

I do. Yeah.

[D]

He won't respond to you.

[B]

He's shy.

[A]

It. Let. It let.

[B]

Listen to me, buddy. You're freezing. You live in a cold land. Let me get you a jacket with no sleeves.

[D]

Cheap, generic target.

[B]

Won'T keep you warm.

[A]

The idea that right now, Jake is potentially pitching to wear the sleeveless vest to someone in Greenland who may or may not exist. And I think, think the hope in your eyes when you said, I wanted to end up with the guy.

[B]

He's my Rushmore man.

[D]

The Patreon is really dying for Jake to put on the vest.

[A]

Come on. It's about to go.

[B]

For the last time, say goodbye. It's the last.

[A]

Last one. There you go, buddy.

[B]

So I'll put it on to start, and then I'll put it on at the end.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When it comes back and you know. You know what? Here's how we end our show. So when it's finally over.

[A]

Lights off.

[B]

Yes. We do our cheers moment.

[A]

Lights off.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

This is terrible. Gareth, I cannot believe you bought this.

[A]

Looks good.

[B]

I feel like. I feel like I'm wearing a life vest.

[A]

You look good.

[B]

I feel like I'm on a. I feel like a little. Sit back a little bit on a life vest.

[A]

There you go.

[D]

They think you look good in it.

[B]

This is terrible. I don't. You look good.

[D]

You want to know if it smells citrusy?

[A]

Take a snap, Smith.

[B]

It smells weird. It smells like old man. I swear on my life. I'm not trying to be mean. It has an older man smell.

[A]

Jake.

[B]

Gareth.

[A]

That's because you put it on. I can't believe you just caked it. You just caked it.

[B]

This is the worst thing I've ever had.

[A]

You look good. You know what's nice is that you have the head. The earpiece, too.

[B]

This is the.

[A]

It almost looks like you're at sea.

[B]

Gareth, how did you do this?

[A]

You look good.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

Can you take a compliment? Natalie. Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.

[B]

What if I walk in?

[A]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold On. Hold on. Natalie. It's Natalie. Natalie Singer. Natalie. Didn't he look good?

[D]

No. He looks so bad.

[A]

So bad. Rob. He looks like a child. In a good way.

[B]

My God. Everybody, thank you so much for tuning in.

[A]

Oh, holy.

[B]

I think we have a great plan with the vest. I felt really fired up about it. God, that looks so good.

[A]

I mean, listening to Jake's full opinion on the vest when he's sitting there. This is fucking amazing, by the way.

[B]

How about that?

[A]

When he's saying looking at chimp heads, that looks so good. I mean, that is fucking incredible. From what I could see, that is fucking. What an ending.

[B]

What an absolute banger is over the face, too.

[A]

All right, well, I just want to.

[B]

Say thank you, guys.

[A]

Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for joining us for 200. Thank you being part of the Patreon. Wait, a little bit lower. Well, I'm trying to not.

[D]

No, it doesn't matter. Move it over more.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

So we just want to say thank you guys for being part of this community. I'm very excited to see what happens with the vest.

[A]

Goodbye.

[B]

Is We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[A]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Holland, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[D]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. And season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelppod hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[B]

And I'm Dan O'.

[D]

Sullivan.

[A]

And this is the outfit, the new.

[B]

Podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. We're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

[A]

Every week we're gonna to bring you.

[D]

A story about a mobster.

[B]

Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't.

[D]

But all of them are going to.

[B]

Help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.

[A]

Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved?

[B]

All that and more.

[A]

Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube.

[B]

New episodes every Thursday.