201: The Pickle and Chip Classic & CopperTone Style (with Beck Bennett)

Summary

We're Here to Help – Episode 201: "The Pickle and Chip Classic & CopperTone Style" (with Beck Bennett)

Date: August 27, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Beck Bennett

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Episode Overview

This lively episode features Jake and Gareth bringing their signature irreverence and pseudo-advice, with special guest Beck Bennett (SNL alum, host of "What's Our Podcast?"). The show balances absurd, meandering bits with real listener questions, focusing on two main scenarios: an escalating family pickleball rivalry and a caller nervously preparing to be a live art model at a paint-and-sip event. Packed with quick wit, memorable one-liners, and a genuine effort to help, this episode is a showcase of the hosts' chemistry and ability to turn any conversation into comedy.

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Highlights & Headlining Segments

1. Beck Bennett Joins the Show

• [00:38]–[01:52]
  Jake enthusiastically welcomes Beck Bennett, comedically reminiscing over their first meeting at a crab party. Beck plugs his own wild, concept-free podcast with Kyle Mooney ("What's Our Podcast?") and discusses his voice acting in "Fixed," an R-rated dog film by Genndy Tartakovsky.
• Beck’s Show, "What's Our Podcast?" – The premise is that each episode, they don't know what the podcast will be about until a guest pitches one—a concept that leads to hilarious improvisation.
• "Fixed" Movie Chat – They riff about the oddities of R-rated animated movies, with much banter about the tediousness of animating dog buttholes.
  • Quote: "There's just so many buttholes." – Beck Bennett [03:21]

2. Skincare & Sex Appeal Side-Bit

• [05:01]–[07:40] The hosts and Beck spiral into a debate about male skincare routines, chest mics, and "upping sex appeal" through lotions and oils.
  • Beck: “Jesse’s trying to make me. I do lotion. She tries to make me do the lotion with some sunscreen.” [06:31]
  • Gentle ribbing about ‘over-creaming’ and sunscreen paranoia ensues.

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Caller 1: "The Pickle and Chip Classic" – Pickleball Family Feud

Starts: [11:32]

Caller: Taylor, Sedona, Arizona

The Situation:

• Taylor is a professional pickleball coach.
• His brother-in-law, Brian (“Ryan”), is mouthy and competitive, insisting he can beat Taylor despite never having played.
• They’re set to see each other in a few weeks, and Taylor wants advice: Crush him and risk family awkwardness? Avoid the match? Or handle it with high comedic flair?

Host & Guest Reactions:

• Beck: Suggests a stealthy surprise match—Taylor preps, then springs the game on his unsuspecting bro-in-law.
  • "He won’t be warmed up... you’re just, you’re going to crush it." [16:13]
• Jake: Advocates for a public, drawn-out trash talk. Let Brian "write checks he can’t cash" in front of the family, putting stakes on the game.
  • "Let him talk his shit... then you go, what are the stakes? Loser has to do what? … a night that’s catered, loser has to be the wait staff." [17:15]
• Family Wrestle Vibes: They compare the scenario to walk-in-challenge guys at boxing gyms and martial arts dojos (“there are levels to this game…” – Jake, [20:50])
• Rewards & Humiliations:
  • Ideas include jackets, shirts, and public announcement of the loser’s defeat.
  • "Taylor dominated me at pickleball because he's more of an alpha dog on the courts." – Jake [21:39]

Live On-Air: They Rope in Brian (Ryan) – The Rivalry Escalates

• [56:41]–[70:26]
• Brian joins the call totally unprepared—immediately trashes Taylor and crows about his own athletic prowess.
• Stakes for the match:
  • Best of three games to 11.
  • Loser must serve dinner to the whole family wearing “elephant trunk speedo” and make a sincere, non-comedic, public humble statement about their defeat.
  • "The other person dominated me at the pickleball court because they are better at that game than me." – Jake [69:15]
• Match scheduled for September 19th in Arizona, with full family audience and video documentation encouraged.
• "The Pickle and Chip Classic" is born—Taylor (“Pickle”) versus Brian (“Chip,” the potato chip delivery guy).
• Both men embrace high-spirited trash talk—Brian: “I got a few chips on my shoulder, so it’s all right.” [67:14]
• "This is the sporting event of the year!" – Jake [65:04]

Key Quotes

• Jake: "This is the We're Here to Help Super Bowl." [65:40]
• Beck: "Bring your squad... signs, hecklers. Whatever you need to do to win!" [66:13]
• Brian: "I look forward to your dad’s facial expression when you serve me a filet mignon in the elephant speedos." [61:14]

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Caller 2: Professor T. Squeeze’s Live Model Crisis (“CopperTone Style”)

Starts: [30:01]
Check-in/Update: [73:03]

The Situation:

• Tony (a.k.a. Professor T. Squeeze), calls from Idaho in a goofy, freewheeling style.
• Having (while stoned) agreed to be a live model for a ladies’ paint-and-sip event, he's now panicking and asks for advice on poses, costumes, and how to own the room.

Advice & Banter:

• The guys go wild with ideas: Layered denim “jean-ception” (jeans, then denim shorts, under which more denim, beneath that a banana hammock/leopard print thong), full “CopperTone” pose (beachwear, dog yanking at swimsuit), and slapstick food props (beach towel, beer, sunscreen, hot dogs, spaghetti, honey, ice cream, even bees).
  • Beck: “Maybe a little Winnie the Pooh thing… just shirt covering.” [42:44]
• Tony absolutely runs with the suggestions, determined to be a "legend" in the art class.
  • "You have to be so confident in what you're doing that nobody even questions: was this wrong?... Legends don't ask permission." – Jake [51:29]
• Ultimately, the main pose is the "CopperTone" homage with a banana hammock, plenty of cheek, props, and escalating antics.
  • "Does it ride up the butt a little bit?" – Jake [40:58]
• They recommend hot dogs, beer, and even invite Tony to let audience members remove layers if they're brave enough—"I'm the present these middle-aged women get to unwrap." – Jake [44:38]
• Tony vows to return for a recap and share pics from the event.

Return Visit: Tony’s Follow-Up

• [73:03]–[83:42]
• Tony (now "Dr. Professor T. Squeeze") reports back: He did the full beach-themed, tongue-in-cheek poses, committed to the bit, and shared the photos and art, which the hosts gleefully review.
• "I was swimming in it" – Tony, on being ogled by artists. [81:48]
• Tony is now “Mr. December” for the same art group, promising future updates.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Beck Bennett, on animators:
  "There’s no version of this [dog butthole] that looks nice." [03:59]
• Brian, on losses:
  "The only one that's going to have an appetite is going to be my wife..." [60:01]
• Jake, on showmanship:
  "This is not the time to go like, can I get permission to be a legend?" [51:27]
• Tony, on his live model debut:
  "Well, I'm not sniffing 50 like you guys, but I'm in my early 40s… but I look like I have reverse Benjamin Button disease." [38:04]

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:38 – Beck Bennett's intro and podcast plug
• 03:14 – Animated butthole riff
• 11:32 – Taylor's pickleball dilemma begins
• 16:13 – Hosts debate how Taylor should handle the match
• 56:41 – Brian (the "Chip") called live for pre-match trash talk & stake setting
• 65:04 – The Pickle and Chip Classic is officially set
• 30:01 – Tony/Professor T. Squeeze's call on modeling, bikini-jean shenanigans
• 44:38 – Tony’s “present to be unwrapped” performance concept
• 73:03 – Tony’s follow-up and photo review from his live model gig

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Tone & Style

Humorous, good-natured, and riff-heavy, the episode is loaded with playful jabs, extended bits, and a healthy dose of sincere encouragement and engagement with listener dilemmas. The hosts balance mockery with actual attempts to help, always keeping the mood uproarious and never taking themselves too seriously.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Family competition: Sometimes you just need to take the bet, set the stakes, and make a spectacle for everyone’s amusement (but record the conditions!).
• Being a model (or legend): Confidence (and a banana hammock) is key; lean in to the bit and don’t ask permission to be a legend.
• Skincare (and sex appeal): Oil up, wear chest mics, and remember, men love a good two-in-one. (But maybe not all the hype about UV rays.)
• Bro banter: Any listener in need of cathartic, silly, yet honest advice—mixed with endless asides—will find this a defining episode.

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Next Steps

• The Pickle and Chip Classic will take place on September 19th—video, photos, and fanfare to follow.
• Professor T. Squeeze will be back for a December modeling recap—who knows what cosplay awaits.
• Listeners are encouraged to send in their stories or advice for future episodes ('Best Advice').

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If you haven’t heard this one, you’ll want to tune in just for the escalating family pickleball war and the fully-committed art class legend, Professor T. Squeeze.

Transcript

[A]

Quick time to choose a meal deal with McValue.

[B]

The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7.

[A]

Daily Double meal deal, each with its.

[B]

Own small fries, drink, and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush.

[C]

I'm just excited for McDonald's. Price and participation may vary.

[D]

And we are back.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, guys, thanks for having me.

[D]

We have a very special guest, Mr. Beck. Bennett Beck. I've been a fan of you for a while. We met at Derek Waters crab party.

[C]

We did. You were very nice, you and you came up and introduced yourself to me. I was so excited to meet you because I've been a fan of yours for a long time as well.

[D]

So you got a podcast. What's our podcast? It launches 8 27. What is it?

[C]

Head gum as well. In the Headgum family. It's a Headgum podcast. It's called what's our Podcast? And it's a podcast where we don't know what our podcast is about.

[D]

Oh, it's you and Kyle.

[C]

Kyle Mooney.

[D]

Oh, great.

[C]

Yeah. And people, we talk with people for a little bit and then they tell us what they think our podcast should be about. And then we go into a different studio and try it for like 30 minutes. And so we've had. It's like it can be anything. So it's like we've had auditions. Jeans, Beef's good. Yeah. We had Caper Lamp pitched us to Sinner's Delight and we didn't know what it was gonna be. And we just like went in the studio and did a podcast episode about like sinning and delighting and sinning and really funny. Yeah. So it's just like really loose and fun and. Yeah. It comes out August 27th.

[D]

I love it. And then what is the. Before we get into the call. Yeah, what is the movie? I remember we got an email from PR saying movie. Natalie, do you know what I'm talking about?

[C]

Am I in a movie?

[A]

Fixed.

[D]

Fixed.

[C]

Oh, fixed. Yeah, fixed came out yesterday. It's a dog. It's a dog movie. It's an animated movie on Netflix created by Gendy Tartakovsky. I have to think about his name every time I say it.

[D]

Screw that up.

[C]

He did like Dexter's Laboratory, Hotel Transylvania movies. And this is just like a R rated sort of. It's about a dog who's going to get fixed and he finds out he's going to get fixed and he runs away and has a night out on the town with his buddies. Like, one last night of trying to use his nuts as much as possible. Just partying.

[D]

So my buddy Josh did a movie called Strays. Did you ever see that one?

[C]

I never saw that. That was like. Was that. That was an anime, though, right?

[D]

It was kind of, though.

[A]

It was kind of. It was like, yes, real dogs, but.

[D]

Obviously they animated them.

[A]

They take mushrooms and trip and.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Is this one R rated or is it more kid friendly?

[C]

No, it's R rated. There's like. There's. There's a lot of sex acts and a lot of foul language. A lot of buttholes.

[D]

Cool.

[C]

The dog's balls talk to them and become characters in and of themselves. It's not safe for kids.

[D]

That's what I was asking.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of dog buttholes. They animated the buttholes. There's just so many buttholes.

[D]

What a goofy job being an animator, huh?

[C]

Yeah, I guess when you're doing buttholes.

[D]

And all that, you're doing it and then you get a note where they're like, is that where the line should go? And you go, like, well, I've looked at a lot of photos. Yeah, there is always a line there. And they go, but it looks odd, right? And you go, it. It does look odd, Jerry.

[C]

It's a butthole. And we're not used to seeing these animated buttholes, but trust me, this is where it go.

[D]

And they go, I don't know. And you go, if you want me to not make it real, I can. But this is what a dog butthole looks like. It's up to you. You're the boss.

[C]

It's not going to be good.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There's no version of this that looks nice.

[D]

But if you. If you want it bad, I'll give it to you bad. But this is the most accurate interpretation. This is what a dog's butthole looks like. Animated in our style.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Again, you are the boss.

[C]

Again. I'll. I'll keep. I'll keep. I'll go back to the drawing board, literally.

[D]

And then that guy.

[C]

The butthole drawing board.

[D]

That guy goes home to his wife or she goes home to his husband and goes like, how's work? Like, it's just stressful.

[A]

They just don't get the vision.

[D]

It's just. What's hard about it is it's. They're on me all the time.

[C]

They just want different buttholes, and there's just really. There's not that many different versions, and they just want different stuff, and I don't know what to do. It's Hard.

[D]

It's hard to be an animator, but it's fine. All right, so I'll do the dishes. I don't care. Like, let's just. You. You had the kids all day. I'll jump it. I'm like. I just. Can I have, like, 10 minutes in the backyard where I sip a bourbon and feel bad for myself because I got in trouble about buttholes all day?

[C]

One thing, one thing I will say, you guys in of. You know, the. The COVID art. You guys have these mics, these chest mics.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you ever think about designing those and, like, have. Using those to record your podcast?

[D]

That'd be cool as hell.

[A]

Be good. We never.

[C]

Awesome.

[A]

Gone that far. Would be great if someone wants to make them.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

This is for.

[A]

I don't even know if they actually existed.

[D]

Be cool as hell. It would. He's trying to increase his sex appeal.

[A]

And that would just tank it when.

[D]

We got on YouTube.

[C]

Gareth G. You're trying to up your sex appeal.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is there something you're trying right now?

[B]

So many.

[D]

Truthfully, a lot, but not even as a joke.

[A]

No, Lots of stuff. Opening the shirt, more creams.

[C]

Have you always had the. Have you always had the necklace stuff?

[A]

No, this is.

[B]

This.

[A]

Is this. My mother got this in a handful.

[C]

He never had any of this crap.

[B]

The problem.

[A]

No, I like your pitch, though, because. Hold on. Jake and I are talking. I like this, though, because I think that chest mic might leave a little of that to see, which I think is a good feature. I agree with what you're saying, Beck. Yeah, I do look good. Thank you.

[C]

You look really good.

[D]

He started putting a lot of, like. Do you see how shiny his face is?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's because before these zooms, he puts a lot of oil on. So not even before the zooms. It's.

[A]

We do it in the morning. It's just a morning routine, Beck. It's not for the show. So cool.

[C]

I should do that.

[A]

I would love to sidebar with you. And that could be what your podcast is on. One week. Yeah. Maybe when you love your show.

[C]

That'd be great.

[A]

Yeah, I'll bring my whole. It'll be oil the fuck out.

[C]

I do. I do lotion. I want oil.

[A]

I'd love to get some oil.

[D]

Are you a big lotion guy back?

[C]

Jesse's trying to make me. I put some lotion on today. She. She tries to make me do the. The lotion with some sunscreen, and I'm.

[D]

Like, sunscreen is different.

[A]

No, but it's you want to put it on?

[C]

I do lotion. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Jake, we're talking about cream. Stop.

[D]

Oh, yeah. I do all this stuff. You know, I do the sunscreen when I'm outside, but that's enough for me.

[C]

But I. I do sunscreen. Like when I'm going to do something outside. She's like, just put it on no matter what.

[D]

Really?

[A]

That's what they say.

[D]

That's insane. For the skin care.

[C]

For the skin care. Protect the skin. It's a lotion.

[D]

Oh, now I hear what you're saying.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Jake, if you're interested, I send you some info.

[C]

It's a two in one.

[D]

Very manly.

[A]

Men love two in ones.

[B]

Five.

[D]

I do like a two in one. But I do think there's a level of sunscreen that we are all buying. The hype. The amount of people who are so caked in sunscreen stuff. And then they go, there's more sun when it's behind the clouds, actually. And I go, is that right? And they go, you know, the UV things go through buildings now. I'm like, we're in a cave.

[C]

No, we're not. We're not going through buildings. The UVs aren't going through building. That's insane. And I don't know what you're talking about. You were saying that there are people covered in sunscreen.

[D]

White does over creaming, dude. No, I would not just. Garrett. There are. The amount of people you go to do an event, you're outside, kid game. And some of those, you want some sunscreen, and you go like, I mean, I sprayed myself, but I think I'm okay. And then they just put a glob on their hand where you're like, that's so much goddamn cream.

[C]

But they're rubbing it in, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They put a glob on their hand. They just sit there with the big glob on there. And they're doing it wrong.

[A]

Safety first.

[C]

You can't just put sunscreen on your hand and have it close to your face.

[D]

It's like, you know, it's like a light blocker.

[C]

Yeah, that would be. That'd be a fun thing to be at a game. Be like, you want some sunscreen? Somebody just sits there with you.

[A]

Got to be careful.

[C]

That's how I was doing it for a long time. I was getting burnt. Now I rub it in. Yeah. Really good.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

All right.

[A]

We got to let in this collar, guys.

[C]

We got it. We got to stop talking.

[A]

Whatever you want to do.

[D]

All right, let's do it.

[A]

Hey, everybody.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

We're here. We're actually doing something we're a little excited about. We're going to experiment with, for a minute a little different to how we regularly do the show. We want to know some advice someone else gave you that was helpful or advice that you gave to someone that was helpful and how it worked out. Now, look, obviously we are, you know, we're the drunk uncles, so we would like this to be an entertaining story or an interesting story or something like that, but we're really just kind of looking for the best advice. So will you email the show if you have something that's helpfulpodmail.com and in the subject line, put best advice. So, you know, could be a funny story, could be a wild story, something like that. And we will probably follow up with you and talk to you on this version of the show we're going to try out, but everything else is going to remain the same. Cut that out. That was a stupid last part. All right, thank you.

[B]

We're here.

[A]

Do appreciate it. Love you. Love me, love you.

[D]

This episode of We're Here to Help is sponsored by Angry Orchard Hard Cider. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Listen, guys, there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. I am angry that Eric Adelstein isn't on the show more often. I am angry that Steve Berg is not on the show more often. I find those men to be absolute kings.

[A]

There's a lot of things that we shouldn't get angry about. You know what happened to me the other day? I was on the road. I was doing some laundry, and it ain't one of my quarters. Now. Quarters on the road are very, very important, especially when it comes to laundry. And I had to go to the front desk to get more quarters. They didn't have any. All right. I just wore dirty underwear. So instead of getting angry over one of your situations, get an Angry Orchard and feel good, feel chill and refreshed. Not getting pissed off, but just having a tasty orchard.

[D]

Angry Orchard is the number one hard cider in the country. I'm a fan of Angry Orchard myself. I drink cider. I like Angry Orchard. Grab an Angry Orchard cider today. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Please drink responsibly. Hello.

[E]

Hey, how we doing?

[D]

Good. How you doing?

[E]

I'm doing very well.

[D]

Can we get your name, please?

[E]

I am Taylor.

[D]

Hey, Taylor, where are you calling from?

[E]

Taylor calling From Sedona, Arizona.

[D]

Are you a big believer in the magic of Sedona Vortexes?

[E]

You know, I have some family members that are and definitely a lot of co workers that are. I like to ride the fence. I don't go either way.

[D]

How many crystals you got?

[E]

Oh, well, I do have, I do have a couple. I mean, it's just part of, that's just part of living here.

[D]

I know, but even if you're a man who has a couple of crystals, you're into this stuff.

[E]

Yeah, but I mean, they're there more to just look at. I'm not necessarily convinced they're changing my day to day life.

[C]

Okay. So they don't have individual powers prop, you know, that thing.

[E]

I mean that's, that's the theory that most people go with, but I don't know if I'm, I don't know if I'm there yet.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Respect. All right, Taylor, you are on with Gareth and I. And then Mr. Beck. Bennett.

[C]

That's right. Some shooters, but you got some real shooters here. Yeah, this is going to be really good for you.

[D]

So, Taylor, Arizona got a couple of crystals. What can we do for you today?

[E]

All right, so little backstory. So my brother in law is, for lack of a better term, a little bit of an ass. And he's, he's very, he grew up with five brothers, he's very cocky, he's very competitive, he's got quite the ego and likes to protect it at all costs. And I am a professional pickleball coach, so I coach pickleball for a living.

[B]

That's.

[E]

Thank you. It's a, it's a fun life. But last time we were all together as a family, it came up, you know, pickleball and whatnot. And he just went off saying that he would absolutely destroy me. Now keep in mind, he's never played pickleball a day in his life. And I do this for a living, but I mean, the rest of the day it was just, oh, dude, you know, I've been an athlete my whole life. I could take you down, no problem. You know, there's, there's not a chance you're going to take the win. And I mean, for a while I was, you know, arguing with him like, there's no chance I'm going to wipe the floor with you. And he just did not stop. And so now I'm at a point where, you know, we didn't get to play that day, but we're going to get to see each other here in the next few weeks. And I know for a fact he is going to bring it right back up and is going to either start talking trash again or going to want to go play. And so I'm on the fence of do I try and just shut him up and like destroy him and put him in his place? That's nerve wracking. Because what if I mess up and if I don't do that, then what's another way to handle this where I can just be like, dude, this is, this is ridiculous. Like, this is what I do. You've never played before. What's the point in us doing this and me, you know, embarrassing you in front of the family? It's just like this weird scenario. I don't know whether to try and take him out or come up with another solution to just try and shut them up.

[D]

Well, first of all, I love this call, Taylor.

[C]

Yeah, I do too.

[D]

I think this is very clear. I think you did a great job of setting it up. Beck, what are your first thoughts?

[C]

Wait, I. I just want to get some facts straight. Again, you said this is your brother in law. Brother in law. Okay.

[D]

And he's got five brothers and he's a cocky son of a. Yeah.

[C]

Is he?

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

What's the age difference between the two of you?

[E]

He's got me beat by probably 10 years. It's my half sister, so she's 10 years older than me.

[D]

So you're walking around at 35. He's walking around at 45.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

Okay, you're at 40, your body starts to fall apart. Has he been taking care of his body? Does he work out? Does he, he like, he plays sports still?

[E]

I, I mean, no. He's got three kids and they're all young, so he's, you know, he's running around with that. But outside of that, I mean, whenever I see him, he's, you know, cracking a beer and hanging out and just kind of doing it. I don't think he's doing regular gym stuff.

[C]

And you're good at pickleball. You play. Yeah, but you know, coaches can kind of like stand on the sideline. Some coaches.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Look at Andy Reid, you know, like, you're a coach. You're a coach who plays.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

By the way, I never thought of Taylor as an Andy Reid frame.

[A]

Well, I'm just saying. Yeah, imagine Andy Reid, like, All right, I'll go, I'll go wide right.

[D]

No, I imagine this guy Taylor, you're a guy who hits with. Look, I just did a pickleball movie. I played a Lot of pickleball recently had the coaches. You're out there hitting in shorts, correct?

[E]

Absolutely. I just got off the board.

[D]

These guys play five hours a day.

[C]

Yeah. You're going to murder him. I think that you. I think, I think the whole, like, not planning it is great. So you can prepare like the next time you see him. I think you're stretching, you're hydrated, you're ready to go. And he won't be, he'll be, he won't be warmed up. He might pop a hammy or something like that. You know, he's, he's just, he's not taking it seriously. So I think if there is an opportunity, you spring it on him, you're ready to go and you're just, you're going to crush it.

[D]

But see back. I don't think we need to do a surprise attack. Yeah, I think you think you give.

[C]

Him the time to prepare.

[D]

You let him talk his shit in front of the family. You, you let him fucking write all the checks that he can't cash.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

And then he goes, I'm going to be. And you go, oh, you think so? And then you go, if we did a best of seven, who would win that? Each game's up to 11. And you go, I'll beat you for nothing. You go home. Then you go, how much?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Or you go, well, what are the stakes? Because I know I could beat you. Loser has to do what? That's humiliating. Loser has to do what for the entire family. A night that's catered where the loser has to be the wait staff.

[C]

That's like the loss. I like that.

[A]

I don't know if you want to give. I. I don't know if you want to give him the Runway to like, start prepping, though. I would say Taylor's a coach. I'm aware Andy Reid's a coach. I would say, why don't we. Why don't you have your wife, Taylor, tee it up the next time you're all together? Day of, you can have this. Time to prep. Get ready, make sure your game's sharp. She sort of springs it on there when he talks a little bit of. And you've cave and then go, all right, let's go. That way we.

[D]

Can I ask you a question? But this is a little bit of a hustle. We're going down two different roads here. What are we calling brother in law? Taylor.

[E]

Let's go with Ryan.

[D]

Hey, Taylor, you're a professional pickleball coach. You're not Just some guy who plays. Correct?

[E]

Correct, yeah.

[D]

How good are you?

[E]

I mean, you know, I'm not amazing. I'm not going pro anytime soon.

[D]

But you coach the game.

[C]

Yeah. You know all the moves. I mean, this is, it's, you know.

[D]

You know, people for your expertise.

[B]

True.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, I, I, I'm, I'm pretty good. Yeah.

[A]

Does Ryan know the rules?

[D]

He's never played.

[C]

He's gonna be all in the kitchen. He's gonna be in the kitchen all day long.

[A]

Oh, yeah. He's gonna be all stoner.

[D]

Taylor, if you are a coach of pickleball, it, you know they do this in the Jiu Jitsu community.

[A]

Here we go. Buckle up.

[C]

Do this in the Jiu Jitsu community.

[A]

Get ready.

[C]

What do they do in the Jiu Jitsu community?

[A]

Ask Jake to stop showing up to the gym. Go ahead, Jake.

[D]

Very funny. You with your one liners. You wouldn't say that at the Jiu Jitsu mat. I would. Well, because I don't go there anymore.

[A]

Because you're not even there. You're just at home hurting hurt knee.

[D]

Oh, but what they do in martial arts communities, every once in a while a Joe comes. And they do it in boxing gyms, too. You can YouTube it. I have, but it's just a guy off the street in jeans with no shirt on who walks in and goes, I'll fight anybody here. You guys are sissies. And then it's not the students, but the person who runs the gym gets in the ring and shows that the technique that they teach works. So it's, I'm a badass. I'm gonna walk into a Jiu Jitsu room. I'm Gareth. I think everybody here is just rubbing around.

[A]

Why is this random guy being named me?

[D]

With their faces in each other's butts? So get on the mat. And when your arms get ripped off and your head gets popped off like a top of a dandelion, you're going to realize this is a pretty serious game. And so what I'm proposing is I'll.

[A]

Be so oiled up they can't grab me.

[D]

Yeah, that's actually really true.

[C]

We were talking about getting oiled before you called.

[A]

Yeah, he knows the show. It's a theme.

[D]

Here's what I think you have to do, Taylor. You got to go out there and prove your worth. And if he beats you, I mean, maybe career change, some kind of career change, man. But if you can't beat a guy who's never played, who's talking? Because the problem with Pickleball is. Everybody thinks it's so easy, anyone can do it. The thing that's annoying about it is a seven year old lady could pick it up and she's playing just as good as a 24 year old. But as you and I know, Taylor, there's levels to this game.

[E]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

There's levels to the game.

[B]

I.

[A]

Then I'm gravitating back to what Jake was saying originally. I think since this guy probably doesn't know shit, you should tell him you've been thinking about it and you want to play him. You want to play him and whatever. Yeah. Best of seven. I think you could come up with a nice family bet and then you should train. You should get ready.

[D]

He just came off the courts.

[A]

I know, but he's coaching. It's time to start playing.

[C]

Maybe you get a coach, maybe you get a coach to do drills with you. You know what I mean? You up your game and I, I really. And I think that the winner, if you win, then he never gets to talk about pickleball in with the family and you ever again.

[D]

And you could also make like a shirt, a jacket.

[A]

Make like a nice jacket.

[D]

An embarrassing jacket that says like, it has to be like, Taylor dominated me at pickleball because he's more of an alpha dog on the courts.

[A]

Family champion.

[D]

Family champion.

[C]

And then if you're worried that he's never going to wear that, then you make one for yourself that says, I dominated Ryan. He can never talk about pickleball.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

With me or the family ever again. And you wear that shirt to family.

[D]

Gatherings or a shirt that says ask Ryan who wanted pickleball.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, with the date and the whole.

[D]

Family comes out and watches.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah. You know, it's, it's part of the, it's part of the, you know, the responsibility of being.

[D]

I agree.

[C]

A pickleball coach. You're going to get challenged.

[D]

You have to represent the gym.

[C]

Yeah. It comes, it comes with the job. So I think, I think you got to Kai. Yeah. And you got to let us know how it goes. I think you should maybe even film it put.

[D]

I think you should.

[A]

100 right on. Yep.

[D]

Oh, I think we should do interviews with Ryan and interviews with you beforehand.

[A]

Totally agree. Let's get the shit.

[D]

I think we should get Ryan. Actually, I got a question for you.

[A]

This is a good question you're about to ask.

[D]

Could you send Ryan a zoom link right now?

[E]

I had a feeling, I had a feeling this was going to come up. I, I texted his Wife this morning. He's at work because I. I figured that might be where. Might be where we were headed.

[A]

What does he do?

[B]

He's a.

[E]

From what I understand, he delivers potato chips.

[B]

I think he.

[A]

Ryan.

[E]

For lays and goes.

[A]

Ryan. This guy.

[C]

This guy literally lays around. You know what I mean? For. For a job. This guy lays around.

[E]

Pickleball coach.

[A]

Pickle chips. Taylor, he's not in a laboratory. I think we could probably get him on the phone if he's. I like two things I love. One, you don't really know what he does. And two, you think that loosely delivering potato chips is so immersive that he can't answer.

[E]

Driving around all over the place.

[D]

Oh, exactly. That's what you mean.

[C]

You pull over to the side of the road for a minute, take a zoom.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. Sorry. Let's not push this.

[A]

I think we could push it back.

[D]

That's a crazy. I mean, you want to push it?

[A]

I think we should push it. Get them on the phone. Yeah.

[D]

Kayla, will you send Natalie his info? And let's just see if we can get him on last second.

[A]

And we could even do another call and then see if we can follow.

[D]

Up after the next call, and then if not. And we can keep back for a little bit. Maybe he can. Come on. Because I think what we need to do here, Taylor, is we got to do a little. A battle between you two guys, and we got to see who wins.

[A]

And we're team Taylor.

[C]

Yeah, of course we are.

[A]

Until we talk to Ryan and James.

[D]

Delivers potato chips for a living.

[A]

Stay on board, at least for now.

[C]

Sounds pretty cool to me. Honestly.

[A]

No.

[D]

Who. Who would cheer for. If you're watching a movie, A guy who's in his mid-40s who delivers potato chips or a pickleball coach. I'm cheering for potatoes.

[A]

What are you talking about? You're the protagonist in a pickleball movie who's a coach.

[C]

But, you know, the. The chip delivery guy. He's. He's got to be the underdog, you know?

[D]

Of course he is.

[C]

He's not the alpha there.

[D]

And his wife is saying your body's falling to.

[A]

You can't do this. Taylor's favor is higher and higher considering this guy's surrounded by junk food all day.

[C]

Yeah. Sitting. Delivering junk food. Yeah.

[D]

And now you talk about your face being oily.

[A]

Hey, no wipe.

[D]

Was. Imagine this guy sitting around all those potato chips in a hot truck. He is just one shiny potato.

[C]

He's one shiny potato chip.

[D]

He's easy to beat.

[C]

Pickles and Chips. The Pickle and Chip Classic is what.

[D]

We got to call it, by the way. What. So what do you think, Taylor?

[E]

Okay, so I. I just emailed his number. He's gonna have absolutely no idea that this is coming, but he'll know what we're talking about.

[A]

Great.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And, yeah, it might go. It might be interesting if he answers the phone.

[D]

I mean, are you worried about it? Should we not do this? You tell us.

[E]

No, I mean, I'm not overly worried about it. I'm a little worried he might start saying some wild stuff on. On air, but I think that's fine.

[D]

We would prefer it.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And we'll keep him alive, what it is.

[A]

Or you want me to text him the zoom info and see if he'll call in?

[D]

Will you text him and see if he'll call it? If there's a time he could call in and then maybe context, we'll come back and if we lose back, then we'll do it and we'll schedule another time with him. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Taylor, are you down for this competition with him if we can get him?

[E]

I'm absolutely down.

[B]

Because.

[E]

Because I was. I mean, at first it was like, okay, if I do beat him and he scores one or two points, that's all he'll focus on. Or maybe he'll start making fun of Pickle. But if we can make it, like, public and make a. Put a bet on it. Yeah, I. I feel.

[D]

I feel pretty good about it also, Taylor, when somebody brags about two points, this is what you need to do. And this is what I do when I make bets with Gareth, or you got to get them to write a big check first. So he's got to say, I'm going to beat you, and then you go, so not a couple of points. You think you could actually beat me? He goes, I know I can't. So you go, all right, well, if that's what you think, let's make a bet on that. Not. Can you score a point on me? Anyone could score. I could punch Mike Tyson, but I'm not gonna knock him out.

[C]

He sounds like the type of guy who's gonna find a way to, like, make it, you know, like, he won whatever. Like, he's. He won a couple games and that it's a handicap. And he's like, nope.

[D]

Make the rules clear.

[C]

Yeah, but, like, there. It seems like there's almost no way to win with this guy, except for I think he does need to. To pay up.

[D]

And I also think you need to have a written Thing of what the thing is.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

And it's. No, you can't spin it.

[A]

The pickle deal.

[D]

Because if he goes, no, I know I can't beat you, but the game sucks. And you go like this sounds like a coward to me.

[A]

You'll have a jacket.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You need to come to his level and shut him up for good.

[D]

I think so that's really the.

[E]

That's really the goal is to shut him up for good.

[D]

And so, Taylor, when you're playing, don't be sweet and you don't go to the kids.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Every once in a while, people will do this. And in the middle, they pretend they're being a good person by showing mercy. And it's fake. Don't lay on your back and all of a sudden put your legs up and go like, I let him win game two. I felt so bad. That's an act of cowardice. The only way you can actually show love is strangle him to death at that court. And you are killing the part of him that is full of. And people. I want other people to go. Taylor's no joke. That's. It's hard to watch him hit it so hard at Ryan.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And then try to get him.

[C]

Get him in the face, get him in the junk.

[D]

Go left to right where Ryan twists an ankle. And what he does. Go. If an injury occurs, you forfeit.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

Because part of this. That's lack of conditioning is lateral movement, which you don't have. Let's go. When he serves it underhand and soft, slam it down his ass.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And when your wife looks at you like you're being a psycho, go. This is how I bring food on the table for us.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

It's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

This ain't a game.

[C]

This is part of your brand.

[D]

This is part of your brand.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And people in the community are going to go, you want to get good at pickleball?

[A]

You got an update?

[E]

He just responded. And he goes, oh, yeah? How I'm going to whoop your ass. So hypothetically, he might be available to take the call, and he's ready to go.

[A]

Here's what we're going to do.

[D]

Take it right now.

[C]

I want to talk to this guy.

[A]

Well, we got someone else waiting.

[D]

Do we have someone else waiting?

[A]

Yeah, we have our next caller, but I did text your brother, so Brother in law.

[B]

Brother in law.

[A]

So if you can ask him to respond to me, and I'll send him all the calls. So let's do this next call, and then we can put a pin in this. And then hopefully after this call, we can talk to you. Okay? I'm excited, Taylor. It's about to get real. Okay, hold your crystals, buddy. We're about to grab your crystals.

[D]

Power to them, guys.

[C]

Get a pickleball crystal. Go get a pickleball crystal.

[D]

All right, let's take the next one.

[A]

All right, buddy. Talk to you soon.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

What up?

[D]

What up?

[B]

What up, fellas? What's good? What's the good words?

[C]

Straight chilling, dude. Kicking it with my boys right here. Just taking calls, giving advice. What's your name, my man?

[B]

My name's Tony. Call me T. O Tone. Professor T. Squeeze.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Professor T Squeeze.

[B]

That's. Yeah, the T stands for throttle. That's from my biker gang days.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

That's a story for another time.

[A]

I don't know if it is, my guy.

[D]

Hey, T Squeeze, let's hear the story.

[A]

This is the best name we've had.

[B]

Well, yeah, just squeezing the throttle. You know, I don't really ride motorcycles.

[D]

I'm just curious. I don't know, Tony. That's not a story for us.

[A]

That story took no time, my man.

[B]

That's a story for no time.

[C]

Squeezing the throttle.

[B]

I like to keep it simple. I like to keep it simple.

[D]

You know, classic story for another night, John. We'll give it to him, but just squeeze the throttle.

[A]

It's five words.

[D]

Tony.

[E]

What's the.

[B]

I've actually only ever sat on the back of a motorcycle, so.

[D]

I love you, Tony T Squeeze.

[A]

Your story is getting sadder and sadder and more relatable.

[D]

I've only also only sat at the back of motorcycles, and I have squeezed the man in front of me because.

[A]

Of how hard I'm grabbing that torso of the guy who's actually the Man.

[D]

My uncle had a motorcycle growing up, and I got behind him, and I was trying to be cool and hold it back, and within a minute, I was doing two hands under the ribs, just holding. Man City.

[C]

It's terrifying. It's so much more dangerous to be on the back of a motorcycle holding.

[D]

Somebody as dumb of a thing as you could do.

[B]

Is that. Is that Tybarella here?

[D]

Nope, it's Beck Bennett.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Oh, great.

[C]

Yeah, that's right, Mr. T Squeeze. Yeah.

[B]

It's great to talk to you, Professor T. Squeeze.

[C]

Sorry, Professor.

[D]

Wow. All right, Tony.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We already got a lot of info on you.

[A]

I don't know if any of it's.

[D]

Helpful, but it might be.

[B]

So why don't you guys want to know my memoir or nothing like that what kind of animal I'd suck off in the jungle.

[A]

I think he's not been listening.

[C]

What kind of animal you'd suck off in the jungle?

[A]

All right, Professor T. Squeeze. What animals. What animal are you sucking off in the jungle, Professor?

[D]

Dying to hear.

[B]

Probably like an eel or something. I feel like that go down smooth.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[D]

Hold on, Tony. This is a real question now. You have to go in the jungle and you need to give an animal a blowjob. What animal are you giving a blow job to? An eel's dick.

[A]

Jungle eel.

[D]

That's a terrible.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like it go down smooth.

[D]

Oh, dick. You don't eat it. Tony, you brought this up. If you had two kids.

[B]

How about a two can?

[C]

Yeah, that'd be fun. Definitely give you a lot of. Probably a lot of positive feedback.

[D]

Toucan. Just because he's got that cool nose and that face.

[A]

Yeah. He hopes the dick looks like.

[B]

They hang out. They hang out in the jungle. And birds make me horny.

[D]

What?

[A]

All right, Professor T. Squeeze.

[B]

Guys, I've got some serious issues and I need you to get to the bottom of them. And I don't care who's on top of.

[D]

Okay, Tony, you are firing Professor T. Squeeze.

[C]

I'll be on bottom.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Before we get into it really fast, Gareth and Beck, if you were. If you were in the jungle and you had to suck an animal's dick, which animal's dick would you suck?

[C]

Really Good question. Thank you for asking me.

[A]

Well, not an eel. Honestly, I can't be a gorilla, Jake, you've got the deal with.

[D]

That's my.

[A]

Yeah, that's your territory right there, my guy.

[C]

Maybe like a sloth.

[A]

Great answer.

[D]

Because they're not forever.

[A]

That's the beauty of it.

[C]

Really take my time with it. I just feel like they wouldn't be. You know, they. They. They'd be predictable. Like I. They're not gonna, like, all of a sudden go, like, just freak out or something if I do.

[D]

You would be sucking that dick for so long. I know.

[C]

That's the idea, but they're not gonna hurt me. You know what I mean?

[D]

Yeah, you're not gonna hurt me, Gary.

[A]

That's the idea.

[D]

What? Dick. You suck it.

[A]

I love sloth. I love sucking a sloth stick. That's a good one. I. I think I would go with maybe like a lemur or something like that, just because I would want to know what happens to its eyes during orgasm because they're already big, so you know what happens.

[D]

Plus, I Love Lamers I'm 100 Panda.

[C]

Oh yeah, that would be nice.

[A]

Like panda too.

[D]

That's good. I think a panda and sloth are similar, but I think I'm finishing way faster.

[C]

And pandas are so much cute.

[A]

You mean.

[C]

You're so cute.

[A]

You're finishing Jake.

[C]

Yeah, Jake finishes when he gives.

[A]

It's interesting.

[D]

I'm also gonna be mad. I just wanted to kind of get not touching ourselves.

[A]

No, I didn't know.

[D]

I'm not gonna ask the poor panda to do that to me. That's criminal.

[A]

No, of course.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They got the claws in everything, so that's gonna be a nightmare. Sounds interesting.

[D]

Tony, back to you, sir. You've taken us in a weird direction. Now take us home with your question.

[B]

All right, so about a month ago, month and a half ago, I went to place some of my buddies bartend at. Not like that fake that you did for six seasons at that dump in la. Real bartending.

[A]

Squeeze.

[D]

Hey, seven years. So not to brag. Yeah, you're gonna come at me, man. Get the facts right. First season was at a real bar called the Prince. Not to brag.

[B]

Okay, well, I only saw the first season.

[A]

Jesus, Professor T. Squeeze. What's the problem?

[B]

Okay, so I went to this place and I got invited to be a live model for a ladies paint and sip.

[D]

Atta boy.

[B]

And I was super stoned when I agreed to it.

[D]

And once I got sober. Tone, how you look naked, big daddy?

[B]

Well, you know, I'm not gonna lie. I have been hitting the gym. I mean, I'm no Michael Hearn, but I've been lifting weights consistently for the last six months and probably in the best shape of my hot young life.

[D]

Pretty good. What's your body fat around? Talk about 18, 19. Your body fat. What are you about 18, 1935?

[B]

Oh, I have no clue. I. I don't. I haven't checked that.

[D]

And for this photo shoot, you're taking your skims underpants off?

[B]

No, the. I think the state of Idaho's got laws against full nude.

[D]

Oh, okay, so you got.

[B]

Yeah, I'll have underpants on or underwear.

[D]

Okay, so keep going. Now I got a sense you got a good looking body. You're keeping your underpants on. Keep going.

[B]

Yeah, so once I sobered up, I kind of realized or thought that, yeah, I'm in way over my head. I don't know what to expect. So I just kind of wanted to get ideas for, I don't know, maybe some costumes or, you know, playlist I could throw in my ears while These ladies are oogling me then, kind of. What kind of places I could do?

[D]

I don't think you're getting oogled, my man.

[A]

Maybe ogle.

[B]

No. Okay, so I, I, it's a, it's a, it's a ladies paint and sip. And I was told from the host, she said we're a bunch of middle aged ladies who like to drink wine and giggle.

[D]

This is fun.

[B]

Well, kind of, that's kind of. Yeah.

[D]

Yes. All jokes aside, I love this for you.

[C]

I love this for you. How old are you, Tony?

[B]

Well, I'm not sniffing 50 like you guys, but I'm in my early 40s. I'll be 42 in about a week.

[A]

40 anymore?

[D]

Okay, you ain't a young man anymore, you're sniffing 50.

[B]

Baby, I'm in the best shape of my young life.

[D]

Yeah, Tony, you can't say young life. You're pulling a Gareth. You're 42. My kid 42.

[B]

But I look like I have reverse Benjamin Button disease. That's in my, my late 20s.

[D]

So when the sun hits the back of your head, how much scalp is.

[B]

It seeing I've got a full ass head of hair, my guy.

[C]

Nice, nice. What about your body?

[E]

Do you have a lot?

[B]

It's not, it's not a perm. It's real curly.

[C]

So you, so you have a hairy body, Roastmaster?

[B]

No, I'm not a very hairy dude.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, but the curtains are as curly as the drapes.

[A]

Hey, stop talking for a minute, Professor.

[B]

Yeah, what's up, my guy?

[A]

My guy. Let me walk you through my pubes.

[D]

One thing I'm gonna recommend is when you do this live model and you talk the entire time, just, I'm gonna say pull back. That just grab a mic and just roast every woman.

[A]

I think he should be like a pig on a platter and an apple in his mouth. That might be the best move.

[B]

Yeah, I, I have tanning bed. I only got a, it's in a couple of days, so. Yeah, I don't.

[D]

All right, so you're looking for. So this is a clean one and I think we can do this pretty fast, Tone.

[B]

So you're, get that, get that bell ready. This is a gimme for you guys.

[D]

I think so too.

[B]

This right in your wheelhouse.

[D]

So, Tony, you're an ideas man and you're coming in gunning. What are you thinking of wearing? And then let us pitch on that because I know you're not coming in with a blank slate.

[B]

No. So I've got a few Ideas. And I was thinking about maybe. So I'm a Southern California transplant in eastern Idaho, so I was thinking about maybe bringing them some beach and dressing up as if I was going to the beach.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Bringing, like, a beach umbrella. I got a really loud red and yellow Hawaiian. Got pineapples on it.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

But here's what I was really thinking. I'm gonna wear some denim jeans, and then, you know, after a few poses or so, take them off. Exactly. And under those denim jeans, underneath, I got some jogging shorts. Look like denim shorts.

[D]

Okay, Then what do you got underneath?

[B]

Underneath that? I got a pair of. I got a pair of underwear that look like denim shorts.

[D]

And then what? Jake, he's like, I want you to be like a Russian doll.

[A]

He keeps taking off denim shorts to reveal more denim shorts, smaller denim shorts.

[D]

But then the bottom thing, Tony, is I want, like, a little banana hammock with half your balls.

[B]

Jake, you just read my mind, because I actually have a banana hammock. It's leopard print.

[E]

It.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're wearing that.

[D]

Does it ride up the butt a little bit?

[B]

Oh, it is.

[E]

It's long.

[D]

Okay, so then I want. As you're building, each costume change is a new pose. The last one is, butt out. Face turned. Biting the bit of your hand. Like, you're just so cute.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Your ass is out. You're doing a little bit of a bend out where you're doing, like, a. You're modeling jeans, and you're giving those ladies what they came to see.

[C]

Yeah. And maybe if you can get, like, a little dog to bite your leopard print thong and just start pulling it off.

[A]

Yeah, the copper tones.

[C]

Yeah, the copper tone style.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Fits right in there with the beach.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You can even get, like, a fake dog and just put it.

[D]

I agree.

[A]

Have some sunblock in your hand.

[D]

And then here's what I want for your last one if you do. Because I think you win on beach. And I think taking off the jeans is great. Taking off the shorts is great. Taking off the underpants is great. But I want you to heighten the last one. And I want you to take everything off and cover your junk in a Marilyn Monroe type pose and have, like, a beach towel. Yeah. But your hands just do it and have, like, a whoopsie look.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Jake's not saying beach towel. Jake's saying both your hands cup.

[D]

I want you cupping what the good lord gave you, and I want your face doing, like the. Oh, yeah.

[C]

And I. I also have an idea. Maybe you get a little ice cream Cone. When you're, when you're down to your leopard print and you're like really getting messy.

[A]

I like that a lot.

[C]

It's dripping all over and you're like, oops. You're kind of. It's kind of building off the oops idea. And you're kind of like, oh, I didn't know. And you're trying to like, you drop some on your stomach and you try to clean it up and just rub it around. You go, oh, no. Well, honey.

[D]

What about honey?

[A]

I like that.

[C]

I like honey too.

[D]

Yeah? Yeah.

[C]

Maybe a little Winnie the Pooh thing. Just like shirt covering.

[B]

Well, they think you stand on a.

[A]

Garbage bag things two hours.

[D]

What if you do the honey and then you release bees?

[A]

Well, okay, let's, let's, let's take a time out.

[D]

Let's take a.

[A]

To wait.

[C]

I have a bigger, bigger question here. Did they tell you.

[B]

Where you going with that though?

[D]

Thanks, brother.

[C]

Did they tell you to come in with props and ideas?

[D]

Wrong question. Back. Back to you, Tony.

[A]

We are where we.

[C]

I'm like, this doesn't sound like, like.

[D]

Usually when you go into m. This is where you stopped Beck.

[A]

The goal is to get him turned away from the event at this point.

[D]

Do you think Professor T Squeeze needs this question right now?

[B]

So another thing of it too is if this goes well, I could be invited back.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

I don't think that's gonna happen.

[B]

This could be a recurring. This could be a recurring thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Hey, T Squeeze, you getting paid for this?

[B]

I didn't even ask.

[A]

You're not.

[D]

And you.

[C]

And do you know these people? Are, are any of these people your friends or.

[B]

No. So this is like a monthly thing they do the third Saturday of every month. I'm not sure how long it's going been going on, but yeah, I don't really. Well, I got anyone personally.

[D]

Tony. I got a pitch.

[B]

Lay it on me.

[D]

What if we do the same beach theme, but after each pose you ask one of the ladies to come up and take off a lay. Like you remember the movie Major League? Just thinking where they had that photo of the GM and after each they could take off a layer of clothes.

[B]

Yeah, they had that cardboard cutout of her.

[D]

Exactly right. You are that cardboard cutout. You're the present that these middle aged women get to unwrap and their gift is tea squeeze in a banana hammock.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Ah, should I. I like that. Should I come as a flipping down my pants Pants?

[A]

Should you? What about your pants, bud?

[B]

Should I Stuff something down my pants.

[D]

No back. Keep taking balls.

[A]

She squeezed. What are you. You're the man. What are you talking about? You're sniffing 40.

[D]

Hey, Tone, you got a little guy down there.

[A]

You're a real guy, not like Jake.

[B]

Hey. Well, I mean, it's slightly above average.

[D]

If you're above average, you ain't stuffing. Tone, you got a little bit.

[B]

Slightly. About slightly above average.

[C]

No stuffing, but yes to the fluffing. You can fluff yourself up a little bit and get a little choked. Yeah, yeah, maybe a little.

[D]

But you can't stop if you're above average. What's above average for you? What are we talking inch wise?

[B]

Well, slightly above that. I think the Nash. The national average is like 5.56.

[D]

You ain't walking around.

[C]

I think the national average is something like, I don't know, like 5.56 or something. I'm not sure.

[A]

You know, here's how comfortable I am with my size. I know the national average.

[C]

Come on. I've looked up the average. You got. You've looked up the average average. You gotta know if you're above average or not.

[A]

You're talking Idaho.

[C]

We're all pretending like we haven't looked up the averages. I'm checking the average every year to make sure. Yeah, people get bigger. 5.8 used to be the average. Hyping out, it's 5 point or 5. 5ft 8 inches. Height wise used to be average. Now it's 5ft 9 inches. So I'm below average. But not my penis.

[D]

My penis is above average.

[C]

Still.

[A]

I like all the stuff we're here and I got a couple other pictures just so you have them. And they all pretty much will involve the leopard thong.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Since you were talking before about being like a biker even though you're not, you could do a biker. You could get a vest. You could do some goggles. You could do a helmet. But we do no shirt and we do the banana hammock. I also really like Beck's idea of you eating during it.

[B]

It.

[A]

But maybe we lean into you being like a little baby. So you could show up in a diaper. You could wear a bonnet and you could be eating something throughout it and getting yourself nice and sloppy.

[C]

I think something.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Like. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I also think you could be eating something that you wouldn't expect a baby to eat. Yeah, like a full steak or something.

[D]

Lots of the white.

[A]

Multiple hot dogs is a good idea too. With a lot of relic fish and that sort of stuff.

[D]

What do you think about eating, Tony? You gonna bring food?

[B]

I mean, yeah, it's possible my blood sugar gets a little low while I'm there, so I might need to take a little snacky poo.

[D]

What do you think? And this is just because you're a wild man problem. And I'm truly just asking you this because I think you're a little bit crazy. You ever consider dropping a viagra and just going out there rock hard underneath your shorts? Just imagine, Tony, Tony, imagine you take off some layers and these women go, he is diamond cutter. And Tony, you don't mention it. Or if you stuff it, stuff it with something sticking straight up.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So they all have to draw.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

With a humongous heart on.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like that could be an idea for the next time.

[D]

But you don't want to start.

[C]

You got to get comfortable.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. I got to get my foot in the Dip my toes a little bit.

[A]

Start.

[D]

I think you're right. What do you think? Start is like a. Then a birthday gift. You come in. In a big box, and then you just keep getting unwrapped.

[B]

Yeah. There could be something there.

[C]

Something there. It's cute.

[D]

So we giving you a bunch of ideas, T. What do you think?

[C]

I really.

[A]

I really.

[C]

I like the beach.

[D]

Yeah, I like the beach.

[C]

Yeah. What do you think, T? What do you think?

[A]

Squeeze, Professor T. Squeeze. What do you got?

[B]

Yeah, well, I do like all the ideas. And especially with my birthday coming up, It'd be nice to give myself that idea.

[D]

43. You're gonn 43?

[B]

No, I'll be 42. 42.

[D]

Okay. 42 is still young. Okay, Keep going.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Thought you had him.

[B]

Yeah, I definitely like all the beach ideas we got going. And I think maybe I'll throw on some sunglasses too. So they're good.

[A]

If you like the beach, may let me make a suggestion of showing up with. With a little sand to put under your feet. Throw a little sand down, you could be standing on it. Just kind of lean into the vibe.

[D]

Oh, what about lifeguard fins?

[A]

Oh, I like that.

[D]

What about the white on the nose? What about the glasses? What about one of the cool red things that you throw in to save people?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing with that is, though, I. I can't swim. I don't. I don't swim too well. My guys, that's stolen valor right there.

[A]

You know what I like about Tony? He's got lines. It's just impossible to predict where they might be.

[D]

Well, he's also talking about stolen valor, but he wants to stuff his pants early.

[A]

Right there, he's sucking an eel stick in the jungle.

[D]

All right, so take it away, Tony. So we've given you a bunch of ideas. Very invested in this. Dying to see the photos. Please fully commit, which I know you will. And please send us some pics.

[C]

Send pics. Or post them.

[B]

See if I could get some of the ladies to show off their artwork.

[D]

Oh, that's such a good idea.

[A]

Great. I would love that video of you walking in, too. That'd be great to maybe be able to set up a little something to.

[D]

Film almost anything you could do. But seeing their art would be really funny after we saw photos of you. But what are you gonna do, my man?

[B]

Should I wear a gopro around my waist?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

All right. Yeah, no, I'm. I'm gonna go in there and it's like. It's a. It's like five two minute poses, and the longest I'll have to stand still is 10 minutes. So I'm gonna just, you know, slowly unbutton. Like, every few poses, I do a button on my Hawaiian man.

[A]

Okay, so you're going beach guy, and you're going to slowly undo your. Ha. Are you wearing the leopard thong?

[B]

Yeah. That's going to be the grand finale, and we'll see how it goes. You know, I'm going to test the waters and slowly take off the geneption.

[A]

So you're talking about that thong. Five layers. You'll rip off a layer, each switch, and then you'll reveal the. The song.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't know if I'll rip off a layer, each switch, because this thing's two hours. If. If I do all that, I'm going.

[D]

To be n. But I gotta tell you something.

[A]

I like that.

[D]

For you, though, you gotta be courageous.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because this is not a situation where you need to ask for permission to read the room. Everybody's just as timid as you. They're just looking up at stage, at you. This is not the time to go like, can I get permission to be a legend?

[C]

Yeah. Legends don't ask permission.

[A]

No, they do it.

[D]

And you have to be so confident in what you're doing that nobody even questions is, this was wrong. You pretend you've been doing this for a decade of your life.

[E]

Man.

[D]

Man. So when you do a pose, you take your pants off, throw them down. Don't go like, is everybody comfortable? The jeans come off. The reason is because underneath my jeans are jean shorts.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

There's a. There's A method to this.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[C]

It all makes sense.

[D]

It all makes sense.

[C]

Nothing to be nervous about.

[D]

No. You guys just relax and draw the pictures. I'm the artist. I'm the model.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[B]

Yeah. I'm steering this.

[C]

And you do. You do want to get fully naked about halfway in so you can start eating and putting on sunscreen and oiling yourself.

[A]

Don't forget the hot dogs. So I think no matter who you.

[D]

Are, the hot dogs, Tony, what a win. In the middle of it, if all of a sudden you open up a backpack and you got some hot meals.

[C]

I think the leopard print thong is the showstopper.

[A]

It's the food.

[C]

It's the food that you're bringing out and eating in the food.

[B]

I could bring a cooler. I could bring a cooler and drink some beer.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. And I think.

[C]

I think every time you bring. Yeah, you definitely should bring a Ziploc bag full of spaghetti and you bring it out. Every time you bring a piece of food out, you're like, look what I have here.

[A]

I really. The idea of showing up with some beer too.

[D]

Me too.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Hey, Tony, you gotta follow up with us, man.

[A]

So, Tony, look. Yeah.

[B]

And Jake, I like the idea of having the ladies undress me too. We'll see if we can get to that as well.

[D]

You know what you could do, Tony? You could offer it.

[A]

I think that's a timid group.

[D]

You said, like, there's no pressure, but you go. Something I like to offer to my patrons, my customers, is you're allowed to do this if you want. No extra charge. Have fun. If it's not for you, I'm happy to strip myself. I do it nightly. But each of you has the opportunity to take a layer of clothing off, starting with whomever wants to go first.

[A]

I think that's.

[D]

And then do something cute where you go like. And if it makes you more comfortable, I'll close my eyes and then wink a little bit and keep one open.

[C]

That's nice. That. That shows them you're having fun.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You're having fun.

[D]

He's a fun guy.

[C]

Fun guy.

[A]

Squeeze. Yeah, no, this.

[D]

Squeeze your money in the bank, dude. It's unbelievable.

[E]

Gig.

[B]

The gig is in two days. It's on the 16th. So expect a followup in a couple of days.

[D]

You know, we're recording Monday. We're. We're doing the live show at 5:30. Will you call in with an update and try to have photos?

[B]

Will that be 5:30pm yeah. Hey. Hey. What.

[D]

What did you think it would be. You think we're going to do a live show at 5?

[A]

Were you asking Pacific time and you said, I don't know.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know how you show those do things.

[A]

Okay, T. Squeeze. I think we're. We're again hitting that threshold right now.

[D]

T. Squeeze.

[B]

I'm on standard time.

[D]

Four in the morning right now. My kids. It's the middle of the afternoon. 11:40. Come on, Tone.

[B]

The sun's out. I can tell you that.

[D]

Now we're talking.

[A]

All right, squeeze. We got a roll. But we're excited to talk to you Monday and hear about how this turned out. It sounds like it's gonna be fine.

[C]

Yeah. Congratulations.

[B]

I appreciate your help.

[A]

All right, buddy, talk to you later. That bell off, well, we'll do it in the order it normally works. Thanks, buddy.

[B]

Okay, bye.

[D]

Hey, Taylor.

[E]

Hello.

[D]

You ready to do this?

[E]

I think so.

[C]

Wow, this is exciting.

[A]

This is big.

[D]

Taylor, here's what I got to ask of you this though, okay? When the starts going and Ryan starts talking, talking. His talk don't go beta passive right now. Cuz what we're trying to get. But. But Taylor, we're trying to get him to say what he's going to do on the court. Not comedically. Then you say, I don't think that's true. And then we'll say, let's make it interesting in.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

But it more giggly and light and who knows? It's like trying to put a overcooked noodle into a tight hole.

[C]

Exactly. And we all. We've all been there a million times.

[D]

It's not going to work.

[C]

We don't want that.

[D]

It works. Humiliates ever.

[A]

Yeah, it's a lot of apologizing. I mean it kind of works.

[C]

It doesn't work.

[A]

No, it's fine.

[B]

For.

[D]

Who does it work for?

[A]

I mean, if you try. Look, it can work. I think we're all saying the same thing. Push real hard and be ready to apologize. It might be nice on here Jake for you it might be nice on here Jake for you during this to maybe jump on Ryan's side a little bit and start to back that pony. Of course, we'll.

[C]

We'll see what his energy is, you know.

[D]

Yeah, I got. I got a feeling back might jump with Ryan a little bit.

[A]

I. I think that see that happen.

[C]

I don't know. I could. I could slam him. I might. I might just go up, come at him.

[D]

Okay. We're gonna see what happens.

[C]

I want to hear his voice.

[A]

All right, so Taylor, are you ready to bring Ryan work potato chips?

[D]

You're gonna like that a lot more. All right, let's get this king on.

[A]

All right.

[D]

He'S here. Ryan. Hello, is this Ryan?

[B]

Ryan?

[E]

Well, his real name is Brian now that he's on the call.

[A]

Okay, Brian.

[D]

Hey, Brian, how you doing, bud?

[E]

Not bad. How about yourself?

[D]

Good. My name is Jake Johnson. You got Gareth Reynolds and you got Beck Bennett and then you got your brother in law Taylor here than for joining our show today.

[E]

No problem. Thank you for having me.

[D]

You know what we want to talk about today? Do you know anything about this? Are you totally in the dark?

[E]

I'm totally in the dark. What's going on, my man?

[D]

Okay, so we hear you're an athletic guy, you got five brothers and you play sports. Is this correct?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

You versus Taylor at pickleball, what do you think's gonna happen?

[E]

I will annihilate them.

[C]

Have you, have you ever played pickleball, Brian?

[E]

I played, I played tennis, I played ping pong. I'm pretty sure I would be on the play.

[D]

You can play. So when you say that, Ry, I'll tell you. Play up to 11. You're going to annihilate him like you're going to beat him or you're going to annihilate him like you're going to get some points because he's a coach at this point thing.

[E]

That's fine. That's why coaches coach.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Okay, so if you played a best of 3 to 11, how many games are you winning, Ryan?

[E]

Well, I would only need to win two. So the first two you're not even gonna play.

[D]

This gonna be close? It's not even gonna be close.

[E]

That's what you're very disappointed in? Myself.

[D]

Okay. And Taylor, who do you think would win if you guys did a best of three? You or Ryan?

[E]

I, I find this whole conversation insane. There's no way I don't take the win.

[D]

Interesting.

[A]

You think he's getting a game off you?

[E]

I think he might score a few, a few points when I mess up. But outside of that, I, I, I think, I think basically what he said. But on my side, I think I'm only going to need two games. It'll be over after that.

[D]

So then regardless of who gets more points or whatever, we're just talking about who wins the first two games first, right? It's the best of three. You both are pretty sure you're going to win. This feels like a great opportunity to get the family together to watch a match and have some stakes on it. Now, we're not doing money. This is within family, but we could do a little bit of pride, right? Yeah. So this is. Now, I like the. Go ahead.

[E]

I was gonna say I like the idea of when I beat him, Brian has to serve everybody dinner for that night in a fun outfit.

[A]

I like that too. It's a lot of pickleball tie in too. The kitchen, the serving.

[D]

Yeah, Brian.

[E]

But then Taylor. But Taylor. Now your. Your. Your sister's gonna encourage that because she knows what the funny outfit would be and she would enjoy that.

[A]

What would the funny outfit be, please?

[E]

Oh, it probably be the elephant trunk speedo.

[A]

Okie. Doie.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And then I got a question.

[E]

The only. The only one that's going to have an appetite is going to be my wife.

[B]

Not them.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Nice.

[D]

Brian is going to win. Brian's gonna win. Brian's gonna win.

[C]

No, no, Brian's not gonna win.

[D]

Ev's gonna kill.

[C]

I don't think Brian's winning.

[A]

That.

[D]

An versus Taylor. Do you both agree? Whoever loses this match, you do a family dinner. And the loser has to wear the elephant trunk speedo and walk up at the beginning of it and say, I want to start this dinner dinner by saying sincerely, the other person dominated me at the pickleball court because they are better at that game than me. Now, please enjoy your night while I serve you in these troubles trunks.

[E]

1000%.

[D]

So you would do it?

[A]

I'm there, Taylor.

[B]

Yeah, I'm in.

[E]

Who am I gonna embarrass myself in front of? He's embarrassing himself in front of his whole family.

[C]

If he loses.

[E]

Yeah, no, you're gonna be the one wearing the trunks, my friend.

[A]

This is bigger than Wimbledon. This is turning insanely good.

[D]

Agree.

[E]

I look forward to your dad's facial expression when you serve me a filet mignon. And lo in the elephant speedos.

[D]

Taylor, your rebuttal.

[E]

My rebuttal is you've lost your mind.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, this is insane.

[E]

There's no way that's a fact.

[C]

But you admit that you've lost your mind, Brian.

[E]

Not when it comes to beating him in pickleball.

[C]

All right.

[D]

And so question for you two guys, because I'm truly invested in this and I know our audience will be too.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

When do you guys both think is a fair time to do this match? I'm assuming that Taylor, you could figure out the court, you could figure out all the logistics as this is your.

[A]

Job when it'll happen.

[E]

Brian. Brian, when's the next kid Birthday party. Well, Kylie's is September 20th.

[D]

There we go.

[E]

We have pickleball courts here. I think.

[C]

Let's do that then at the kid's birthday party probably.

[E]

It would probably have to be on a different day because you know your sister and. Well, girls, we have. I can come out and spend the night?

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah, I'll come out and spend the night. We can do it. You're not taking the attention away from the four year old.

[D]

All right, that's true, but. No, he's right.

[C]

But he's right, he's right, he's right.

[A]

There's just a little mustard on it, that's all.

[D]

No, but he. He's just saying we know the world we live in. Let's not set a date. That's never going to happen. This is the girl's day. And the mothers are going to make sure it's not about two men fighting in the backyar about pickleball and who.

[A]

Has to wear speed up.

[D]

I. I know my wife. When I go, no, it's actually really worth it. My brother and I are gonna fight. And then one of us has had their dick in between their own. But she would go, I hate that I picked you. And I'll go, I get it, I get it. But it's very.

[A]

Honey, I'm gonna win.

[D]

Yeah. So can you guys. Can we do the 21st or the 20?

[E]

That works for you?

[D]

Well, the 20th is the party, G.

[A]

I thought the 21st was okay.

[E]

I mean, I would say Thursdays and Fridays work best for me, but I don't know what works best for Taylor.

[D]

Well, let's figure it out right now.

[A]

Taylor. Taylor's ready whenever. Good Lord.

[C]

It'd be nice to have the whole family there, too, to watch the match.

[A]

Yeah. And someone to film it, too.

[D]

So, by the way, the 20th is a Saturday, so could you go out? Can you do the match? The 19th?

[E]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

Thinking Friday the 19th.

[E]

Yes, I'm there.

[D]

Okay, so what we'll do is I'll have Morgan create a social media post about this match on the 19th. Could you guys send in a photo of each of yourselves so that it could go like a tail versus. No, not in the. Not in the post.

[A]

No, no, in like your pickle ball.

[D]

Ensemble in whatever, you know, or whatever photo you got there so we can do face versus his face. And then we'll go loser. And then Brian, if you can send a photo of those elephant trunks.

[E]

You got it.

[D]

Thank you. And then we would love a photo of the night too. And please come in right after the match. Don't email us who won. We would love to hear it. Live.

[E]

Right up.

[D]

And it's best of three, Taylor. Up to what. What are the. It's up to 11 each game. Is that correct?

[E]

I think it was 11 win by 70 is considered a skunk, right?

[D]

70 is a skunk. Yeah, that's right.

[E]

You're not going to need that information.

[A]

But interesting that he has it though.

[D]

And you only get a point if you're serving. So you know all the rules, right, Brian?

[E]

Yep. Yes.

[C]

Hey guys, we got a match.

[D]

We got. And where are you guys doing this? What state are you in? As we said, Arizona. Wow.

[A]

Y.

[D]

This is incredible. Well guys, this is the sporting event of the year.

[E]

It's only going to be 118. We'll make sure we do it in. Yeah, I was going to say temperature.

[D]

Oh, great.

[C]

So, yeah, it's fantastic.

[A]

Well, and just maybe, maybe, maybe you.

[C]

Could get somebody to announce it to like do be doing commentary on it with a mic on the side. Professional as possible.

[A]

Might want one of those little.

[E]

Maybe, maybe we can. Taylor can figure out how we can just mic each other up and we can do some little trash talk.

[D]

That would be the.

[C]

That be fantastic. You gotta film this. Mic yourself up.

[D]

By the way. This is the. We're here to help Super Bowl. This is our first.

[A]

This is huge. This is. This is the biggest thing since More hockey.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I think. And I think you guys are gonna. Both of you are gonna want as many of your supporters there as possible. Hopefully you can do it at a court that has like some. Some bleachers next to it because whatever.

[D]

Hey, whatever you need to do to win now. There's no cheating within the courts, but crowds cheering, signs, heckling.

[C]

Yeah, bring your squad.

[A]

We can promote it too if we want to promote the location. Get some actual people there.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, look at Taylor. Spotlight's on you. It's showtime, baby. Hey, it's showtime. Show up.

[D]

This is showtime.

[C]

I'm gonna show up.

[A]

That's not. That has the cadence of trash talk.

[E]

It was gonna be. He tried to say it's gonna be a showdown. Ain't no showdown. Showdown. It's showtime.

[C]

It's a show up.

[D]

By the way, early guesses, guys. Gareth and Beck, where are you guys at?

[C]

I mean, I think it's gonna be. I think it could be tight. I. I think, I think that Taylor's experience is, you know, unquestionable. And I think Brian's attitude.

[D]

Attitude is Unquestionable is unquestionable.

[C]

He's not gonna phone it in.

[A]

He's. The second you hear Brian's voice, it's intimidating. But then you gotta remember he's around potato chips all day. He's probably snacking. Taylor does this professionally. My heart.

[E]

I got a few chips on my shoulder, so it's all right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, he's got a chip on his shoulder.

[D]

Brian, how you doing? In shape these days. How's the body? You feeling good?

[E]

I'm feeling amazing, I gotta say.

[D]

I think I'm betting on Brian.

[A]

My heart wants br.

[C]

Feeling amazing.

[A]

I'm going, Taylor, you're going to.

[D]

I think. I think this is going to be.

[E]

A. I love that impersonation.

[A]

Yeah, the impersonation is right on.

[C]

Well, I'm not going to need three games. I only need two. And I'm going to skunk them. I'll win in one somehow. Hey, kind of Vin Diesel over here.

[D]

Hey, fellas.

[E]

Please laugh at this all day.

[D]

Please send. Send us some stuff, some images so we can build this up a little bit. As much as we can.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

This is a Super bowl for us.

[A]

And it really does need to be filmed for us. This. If as much as you can.

[C]

I'm putting it in my calendar right now. September 19th.

[A]

September 19th.

[C]

I'm calling it the Pickle and Chip Classic.

[D]

That's the name. The Pickle and Chip Classic.

[E]

The pickle's gonna get chipped away.

[A]

Holy.

[D]

Just a great call, guys. We're really excited. Thank you. Doing it. This is huge, man. I don't know who's going to win.

[C]

I can't wait to find out who's going to win.

[A]

We are.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, that's right. But one of.

[E]

Make Gareth proud.

[D]

We're taking these guys is.

[A]

Yeah, one of them's going to lose and have to serve the family dinner in an elephant trunk. Speedo.

[D]

Part of it in Brian and Taylor. Tell me if you don't like this.

[E]

This is commentary in the background.

[D]

I. I think what. I think whoever loses has to start it with a sincere statement of the other guy. Beat me. But you can't do like. Gareth and I used to yearly bet about the packers and the Bears and whoever lost, we'd have to start the dinner. You'd be wearing the other team's gear and the whole dinner. Sincerely. You'd have to talk about why that other franchise is better. But you can't do it as a joke. So you're not being silly.

[A]

In earnest.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

In earnest. You have to Start the thing and go. Thank you guys for coming to this dinner. While you're standing there in the elephant trunks, I just want to say this happened because Taylor or Brian kicked my ass at Pickle Ball. Because. Not because of some. Or the heat or some excuse because they're better than me at that game and I have nothing but respect for them. Now I'd like to serve you guys some food.

[C]

And I think also with the serving the food, you have to go into all the details and the preparation very seriously.

[A]

Like, what you have here is a steak tasting menu.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You're really breaking in very seriously.

[D]

Everything you bring, when you bring it to the other person, you got to do it from one knee and say, my Lord.

[C]

Yeah. And then. And then just a. And then a little kiss on the hand.

[E]

Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Humiliated gets on the hand. Each course the pinky.

[C]

Oh, I thought he said. I thought he said. What about the pee pee?

[A]

Well, I mean, it's right there.

[C]

It's right there. Whatever. Whatever. You guys feel comfortable?

[A]

Pinky pee pee. Something's getting pissed.

[D]

Brian Taylor is. All those little amendments to it. Are you guys comfortable with that? Do you both agree or no? That is a dealership choice.

[E]

I'm in. Yes, I'm in.

[D]

Percent do you want any of this written down or do you guys. Are you guys a word of mouth? Are you guys a. A deal's a deal on a handshake or do you need a contract kind of guys?

[B]

I think deal. A deal.

[E]

And we've got. Yeah, we've got the conversation recorded. So there's no backing.

[D]

Exactly. Right.

[A]

Jake, do we want to have a followup maybe a couple days before the event just to make sure everything's in line with.

[E]

So.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're gonna want to check in.

[E]

Cut off his Achilles or what?

[D]

You got Carrick in his ass. You definitely got T. Harding vibes.

[C]

Definitely.

[D]

This is definitely there.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And all of a sudden, this little sweetheart pickleball coach, you're just going to get a couple of guys and club his little legs, just dance around and then make him with a broken.

[E]

Would never do that. No.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

But the fact that you said that makes me feel like you might do it.

[A]

Yeah. Or at least you thinking about.

[E]

I don't know what you're talking about it.

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[C]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

This guy smokes.

[D]

This guy's the best. He's gonna kill Taylor.

[A]

I knew this was gonna Jake Taylor hang In there, buddy. Just let your game do the talking. Don't listen to Jake, don't listen to Brian, even though he sounds like the Barry White of chips.

[D]

All right, fellas, we are going to. As soon as you send us something, we're going to Advertisement. Natalie's going to be in touch. We would love you guys each back on individually to start hearing how it's all going. And good luck to both of you.

[C]

Good luck to both of you.

[A]

Champions.

[D]

This is a heavy. This is a heavyweight match.

[E]

I love it. Huge, huge fan of the show, guys. Thanks.

[D]

Thank you. Hey, man, thank you. You're a huge part of this show.

[C]

You are the show.

[A]

This is the show.

[B]

Go.

[D]

I'm gonna be no joke thinking about this before I go to bed probably for 10 different nights.

[C]

10 different nights.

[D]

Yeah, it'll. It'll. I'll forget it and then it'll pop in and I'll go, like, I'll get a stomachache and go, why do I have that stomachache? And I'll go, cuz I'm Taylor.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm not Brian. I'm a Taylor.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I would be terrified to have to go against this rhino on that court. He's gonna say the meanest things. He's going down, Taylor. Can't wait to hear everything, guys.

[A]

Thanks, guys.

[C]

Good luck, you guys.

[E]

Thank you, guys.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

God bless.

[C]

Bye. God bless. God bless.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

Hey, how are you?

[B]

Good. Hold on a second.

[A]

Yeah, whatever you got there.

[B]

Yeah. What up?

[A]

How you doing? There you go. That's better.

[B]

Good. How are y'? All?

[A]

Good. What's your name? Where you calling from? What was your first. First call?

[B]

Well, I mean, great to be here. First time. Long time. Yeah. My name's Tony. Professor T Bone.

[D]

Yeah, T Squeeze. What's up, babe?

[A]

T Squeeze.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's. It's actually Dr. Professor T squeeze now.

[D]

So you did class yet?

[A]

This is. Nobody knows what's going on.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

On, buddy T, will you tell us what your first call was, what we pitched and what you did?

[B]

All right, so my first call was I was stoned when I agreed to be a live model. And when I sobered up, I was like, well, that was a bad idea. And after talking to you guys, I realized it was a great idea.

[D]

Right. And a live model mean, you're going to be there. People are going to drop draw you.

[B]

And then I'm standing there and artists are sketching my hot, young bod.

[D]

And you called in saying. I think your question was, what do. Should I do it? Should I not do it. I was stoned when I got it. And we pitched, yes, you should do it. And then we pitched you. You should have a look and a whole style. Is that correct? I think we were pitching you, like, a birthday present or something. And.

[B]

Yeah, great for artists to just draw a box. Yeah, that really. That's a lot of fun for them.

[D]

Squeeze, I asked you to do all this stuff, and you just said a weird thing about live model. Took a deepy breath, and we're done. The only reason I came in here to wipe that butt was because you stopped writing gig. So what's happening?

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Nice to see you.

[D]

Well, you gotta come in shooting here, kid. So, T Squeeze, you wanted to be a model. Tell us what we pitched and what you did.

[B]

Okay, so you guys pitched. I believe Evan Williams was with y' all too, and you guys just pitched different types of costumes.

[A]

You say Evan Williams, the whiskey comedian?

[B]

I forget his name.

[D]

Who was with us.

[B]

Any case, it's not about him. It's about me. Guys, let's go.

[D]

Oh, Beck Ban. Talk about the great.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. Who the is Williams? It's a bourbon. So T Squeeze has a lot going.

[D]

How far? How deep in the Steve Berg train are you right now? You want to know what happen? This is what happens when we do night calls.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Because we mostly do them at 10am.

[B]

Last time I ditched work so I couldn't drink.

[A]

He sounded like he had been. But you're right. There is a degree of warmer spice tonight.

[D]

All right, so T Squeeze, I'll email.

[B]

Him and see if he's cool with that.

[D]

I love it. So, T Square, what did we pitch you to do as the live model?

[B]

So you. You guys helped me. You pitched ideas on the idea I had, which was to dress like I was going to the beach. And you said the banana hammock underneath. You remember, I hit him with the jean ception with the. The denim on denim on denim and then the banana hammock underneath.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Unfortunately, in the state of Idaho, you can't go full bare ass.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I had to keep that hidden, but I still put on the show.

[D]

But, yeah, any case, wait, hold on. All right, slow down, because we're seeing.

[A]

Some pictures, so can we go back to the first picture, please?

[D]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Go back to the first. Okay, the first picture is you on.

[D]

A towel in very short shorts.

[A]

Very short shorts. Crocs with socks.

[D]

Croc in one. Is that a croc in the left foot, too?

[A]

Yeah, they're both Crocs.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

There's a croc in that croc.

[A]

Pelican on the towel. Non real.

[D]

Two hot dogs. Two hot dogs.

[A]

One with a bite taken out of it. Shades and a sort of floral shirt.

[D]

That'S open and really short jean shorts, super short jorts.

[A]

Then we're seeing a shot from the back.

[D]

Lot of men's asses. Rob, are you producing tonight? Is. What happened was. Natalie, you didn't run. This is a Rob night.

[A]

I actually. Jesse picks these. Jesse's trying to.

[D]

So this is another man's ass, by the way. T, squeeze again. I wanted to be mean to you. You got a great looking ass.

[B]

I know you did. You were trying to. You were trying to talk. You said I had a bald ass head on.

[D]

The last time I got a full head of beautiful.

[B]

I'll be 42 in a couple days.

[D]

T. T, what up? You got a spot. I'm looking at the shot from the back.

[B]

No, that's where it grows out of.

[D]

Yeah, that's what every bald person says. Guess what's going to happen in three years, T. Let's wear parts is going to get more and more.

[A]

Let's focus on the good. Which, like Jake said, is the ass. Good ass.

[B]

Oh, thank you. Thanks. Gareth.

[A]

You got a beer sitting on the stool. Rob, slow down. Yes, you got a beer sitting on the stool. You had like another beer in your hand. Now we're seeing back ass at a someone student, an art student or whatever. Drawing you with a degree of seriousness that should not exist. Okay, all right, let's see again. So you're stripping down during this? Obviously.

[B]

You guys told me to.

[A]

You're damn right we did. Can we see the next one, Rob? Okay, so. Well, that's.

[D]

Hold on. You think it parts from there? We got a shot from you behind T and right where a man bald. You're parting from there because the sea is parted. It looks like a starfish right there. And then the middle, right. Well, it looks like there's the butthole of the starfish and that's the scalp.

[C]

My king.

[B]

Well, I come with that way. It reminds me of home.

[D]

Boy. T, we got a closeup.

[B]

It was part of the beach scene, man.

[D]

But then you got to put a little sunscreen on there.

[A]

You trimmed it out for the beach.

[D]

He trimmed out the back.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

By the way, me too. I'm tripping.

[A]

I'm tripping the back. T, squeeze.

[D]

Okay, so.

[B]

Oh, Jake, by the way, you told me to go in there and take charge and I did. And I busted out one of them beers and I popped it open all slick like. And then they told me I couldn't drink it. Why? I was bringing outside boot. I was bringing outside booze into a bar.

[D]

That's ridiculous. Okay, by the way, we got a shot of you sitting front and center with shades on and a 12 footer in. In your hands, in between your legs. And I gotta tell you, T, you look great.

[A]

You've got people standing around you showing up.

[B]

That means a lot coming from a handsome man like you.

[D]

I'm looking at a handsome man right now.

[A]

But that you. This, this. Will they, won't they? Is out of control. Jesus Christ. That was one of you with your leg up and your thong under you. Your jorts is being revealed.

[B]

Okay, students, again, that was Jake's. That was Jake's last. His. His pose. He said that that should be my finisher and I. I hit him with that. But again, I couldn't do full bare ass. That's kind of a group shot.

[D]

But I got to give you a lot of respect. You really committed and I love that in the photos you have the artist with you. And Rob, can you go in on the drawings that some of these ladies did? That's incredible.

[B]

Beforehand. Beforehand. I let everyone know about the podcast and willing to be a part of it, and everyone did. Everyone agreed, except for one dork. So we sat his ass in the corner and he ain't in any of the pictures.

[D]

Yeah, but that first photo was spectacular.

[B]

One artist, she had actually listened to the podcast, so she drew a picture of me holding you.

[D]

I think I see that.

[B]

One of those.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. No, it looks like you and Jake kind of combined.

[D]

This is really good stuff.

[B]

Yeah, well, she didn't get to finish it because the poses was timed, but I bet we could get her to finish that picture.

[D]

I mean, have her send it in. That's nice.

[A]

We might want to turn it into like a 3D.

[D]

That's pretty nice.

[A]

I mean, that's really good.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

That could be double fisting you guys as babies.

[D]

So this is pretty good. So the night, all in all, that's Michael Jackson. That's not you, obviously. But all in all, the night went well.

[A]

Yeah, no, it was, it was.

[B]

It was a huge success and it was. Yeah. Good confidence boost for me and should be. Yeah, Great.

[D]

And really quick. And then we got to get off this call. But what was the vibe with the artist when they were seeing you and drawing you? Was there some heat in that room?

[B]

Yeah, dude, it. I've. I was swimming in It.

[D]

You were what, swimming in the heat?

[B]

I was swimming in it.

[D]

Now, anything happen since you get some nowhere killer.

[B]

Work full time.

[D]

Oh, Yeah. I work 24 7.

[B]

But can I. Can I shout out the event? Because Melanie, the woman who puts this on, like, she's really passionate about it, and it's great that she allows artists to have live modeling in this part of Idaho because. Ain't going on.

[A]

I agree. Can we say yes? As long as you promise to show up and model again.

[B]

Oh, no. I actually got invited back. I'm going to be Mr. December.

[D]

No way.

[A]

Any idea what you're going to dress this up as?

[B]

No. I mean. Well, I'll. I'll call you guys in December. Me more.

[D]

And so shout out, like, elf on.

[B]

A shelf or something.

[D]

Yeah. What's. I think you just nailed it. I don't know if you can get any better than that. Shout them out.

[B]

Yeah, the. The website is. It's drawing folks, but it's fo l x. And like, honestly, it. It needs some squarespace guys. Like, it really does. It looks like. And I told her that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But any case, all the information you need for it is on there and it is a really good time and it would be really fun if we can. Since you guys actually are here to help and you helped me, it'd be fun if we could help her out with that event.

[D]

I love it.

[A]

Sure. I mean, we're. Well, we'll be talking to you about your. Maybe your December session and if you're.

[D]

In the Idaho area and you want to draw me.

[A]

You want to draw name.

[B]

Maybe. Hey, maybe you guys could get Pam and Eve to show up to be models sometime.

[D]

Take it easy.

[A]

All right, buddy, we'll talk to you later.

[B]

Let me hear that bell.

[A]

Yeah, it's amazing. All right, buddy.

[D]

See you, bud.

[B]

Thanks, guys.

[A]

Thanks. Squeeze.

[D]

Hi, this is Hannah. Hopefully I won't be referred to as a Karen in the comments. My hot take is that I don't.

[B]

Think some people who, like, we're here.

[D]

To help understand what a hot take is because I just, like, happened to click on the Spotify comments after episode 199.

[B]

And so many people were so up.

[D]

In arms about hot takes. Like, about that woman's hot take, which.

[B]

Like, it was a hot take. Yeah.

[D]

Happy Wednesday.

[B]

If this gets posted.

[D]

We'Re here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto helppod to see our entire catalog.

[A]

We're Here to Help is produced by.

[C]

Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis.

[A]

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[D]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two.

[B]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January.

[A]

Go to patreon.com heretohelpod hi, I'm Ilana Hope Levinson.

[C]

And I'm Dan O'.

[B]

Sullivan.

[A]

And this is the Outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and Headgum. You know, we're two journalists who are.

[D]

Slightly obsessed with the mob and organized.

[C]

Crime and other nefarious stuff like that.

[A]

Every week we're gonna bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't. But all of them are gonna help.

[D]

Explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba to Las Vegas gay bars.

[A]

Who knew? Who knew the mob's involved.

[D]

All that and more. Subscribe to the Outfit wherever you get.

[A]

Your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube.

[D]

New episodes every Thursday.