203: Lotta Cheese in London & Selling a Lemon

Summary

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We're Here to Help

Episode 203: Lotta Cheese in London & Selling a Lemon
Release Date: September 1, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Key Callers: Freddie (London), Celia

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Episode Overview

This episode blends classic “We’re Here to Help” energy: a balance of goofy banter, meandering bits, and earnest (if unconventional) advice. Jake and Gareth handle two main calls—one from Freddie in London, seeking guidance on how to tell his parents about an adult circumcision, and another from Celia, the designated “social glue” at her company, who’s worried about her impending farewell going uncelebrated. There’s also a bonus follow-up from Freddie, a rare "full-circle" closure for one of the podcast’s more memorable advice arcs. Along the way: Cockney slang, food jokes, riffing about cheese, and an extended analogy about selling lemons (used cars) that embodies the show’s unique tone—equal parts warmth, absurdity, and self-sabotaging honesty.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Successful Past Advice: The Dummy for Dogs Experiment

(01:19–07:42)

• Jake recounts trying the show’s old advice in real life to help his brother’s neurotic, anxious dog ("Po").
• Together with his brother, they dressed up a stuffed dummy ("Jeremy") in a Clippers sweater and sat it by the dog for comfort, drawing from a previous on-show pitch.
• Over time, Po became attached to "Jeremy," at points mistakenly treating the dummy like a real person (and, eventually, as a humpable companion).
• They also experimented with “treats in the pocket” and discussed the future possibility of looping voice recordings to soothe pets.
• Notable Quote:
  • Jake: "They started to call him Cheramy. And then over the course of time, Jeremy developed a bit of a drinking issue." (03:06)

Takeaway: The “dummy in the chair” gambit kind of works, especially as a transitional aid for anxious pets, though success is variable.

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2. Listener Letter: Podcast as Birth Companion

(08:10–12:25)

• Jake and Gareth read a heartfelt letter from a listener, Michael, who credits the show with helping his wife through a frightening C-section childbirth.
• The wife tuned in to “We’re Here to Help” during the procedure to drown out medical anxiety, and Jake and Gareth embrace a tongue-in-cheek sense of accomplishment for “delivering a baby” by proxy.
• Notable Quote:
  • Michael (read by Gareth): “She asked if she could have headphones in so she wouldn’t hear the medical talk… what she wanted to listen to was the most recent episode of ‘We’re Here to Help.’” (10:32)

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3. Main Call #1: Freddie’s Foreskin Dilemma – Circumcision at 35

(18:00–53:00)

Freddie’s Context:

• Freddie, 35, from southeast London, and his wife are trying for a baby. He discovers — due to pain during unprotected sex — that he needs a circumcision, owing to a lifelong issue with a tight foreskin.
• His main challenge: how (or whether) to tell his parents about the surgery, especially since he hasn’t told them they’re trying to have children.

Notable Exchange & Cockney Bit:

• The segment is peppered with Cockney slang, British banter, and comedic role-playing as Jake and Gareth attempt (and fail) to “out-Cockney” each other.
  • Gareth: "A lot of cheese in London." (28:25)

Advice Evolution:

• Initial Ideas:
  • Should Freddie tell his parents at all?
  • Could he engineer a casual setup (e.g., Sunday lunch with mates who’ve had similar surgeries, planting the seed via “normalized” pub talk)?
• Refinement:
  • Focused on a private, matter-of-fact conversation with his dad—since his dad is already circumcised, and Freddie remembers this from childhood.
  • Rehearsed the likely conversation (“Did you ever have this as a kid / is this hereditary?”), using roleplay to give Freddie confidence.
• Comic Relief:
  • “Should I just ask my dad, did you ever have problems with your Hampton Wick?” (Gareth, 35:14)
• Consensus:
  • The cleanest route: a direct, non-dramatic 1:1 chat with Dad, omitting graphic detail and leaving mum out of it for now.
  • “I think you do it that way. I think that’s the straightest route.” (Jake, 52:09)

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4. Main Call #2: Celia—How to Get Your Own Goodbye Party

(54:07–82:45)

Celia’s Situation:

• She’s been the “social facilitator” at her remote job for three years, organizing all team celebrations.
• She’s leaving for grad school and worries no one will step up to celebrate her—in part because she’s always been the one keeping that spark alive, and her colleagues are introverted programmers.
• The workplace is remote; her team is around 8 people; she's closest with her boss through a family connection (her sister-in-law is best friends with the boss's wife).

Solutions & Pitches:

• Jake’s Angle:

  • Use her sister-in-law as a discreet intermediary to “plant the seed” for a celebration through the boss.
    • “Trust and the path shall present itself.” (Jake, 60:29)
  • Alternatively, just “order yourself a goodbye card/gift" and thank them for it—kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

• Gareth’s Approach:

  • Suggest a misdirection: tell her boss she "heard rumors" of a surprise party and would appreciate being kept in the loop ("I don’t love surprises"), thus nudging him to organize an event without outright asking.
  • If all else fails, send an anonymous “Evite” or card from a made-up person, inviting team members to RSVP for Celia’s going-away.
    • “Write an anonymous email from a fake account that goes to everybody saying RSVP for her going away party.” (Gareth, 76:06)

• Discussion of the 'Self-Made Party':

  • They debate the weirdness/agency of organizing your own sendoff.
  • “What you’re doing is card fishing, and it’s fine.” (Jake, 80:20)

Resolution:

• Celia leans toward using her sister-in-law as a behind-the-scenes suggestion engine, combining stealth and familial connection.
• She finds the idea of sowing her own celebration a funny story to tell later—it's "on brand" for her.
• The hosts liken the advice session to selling a "lemon" (used car)—if you’re happy with the plan, you’ve made the deal.

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5. Freddie Follow-Up: Circumcision, Success, and Support

(83:15–95:54)

• Freddie returns to report back on his journey.
• He had the initially tough—but ultimately successful—conversation with his dad, who offered support and shared his own childhood experience (“You might look at yourself a bit differently, which I thought was a very sweet response.” Freddie, 86:53).
• Meanwhile, his wife is now pregnant—a bell-ringing “win” for the whole arc.
• Freddie hasn’t yet had the circumcision (NHS waiting list) but intends to proceed for long-term health.
• Coda: The hosts playfully push for Freddie (and other male listeners) to send the show voice memos of waxing experiences, in the spirit of full (and funny) disclosure.
• Notable Quote:
  • Gareth: “If you have a son, you guys can do it together.” (87:43)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Put Jeremy right next to him, ham on the face, treats in the pocket…” (Gareth, 05:22)
• “England doesn’t circumcise… so do all English men have a hard time if they don’t have a condom on?” (Gareth, 27:37)
• “A lot of cheese in London.” (Gareth, 28:25)
• “My dream is to be Cockney. Because they speak in a weird code around coppers. Freddy. It’s the coolest thing on planet Earth.” (Gareth, 40:39)
• “What you’re doing is card fishing, and it’s fine.” (Jake, 80:20)
• “I think if you want to have that done, have it done. You know, just up to you. It’s yours.” (Jake as Freddie’s Dad, 48:44)
• “We were growing cheesier than a foreskin, Jake.” (Gareth, 91:55)
• “If you have a son, you guys can do it together.” (Gareth, 87:43)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:19 – Testing out past dog advice (Jeremy the dummy)
• 08:10 – “Podcast as birth companion” listener letter
• 18:00 – Freddie joins with his circumcision conundrum
• 28:25 – “A lot of cheese in London” (Cockney joke/cheese riff)
• 53:55 – Celia’s goodbye party dilemma
• 60:29 – “Trust and the path shall present itself” (connecting advice)
• 76:06 – Anonymous Evite/RSVP plot suggestion
• 83:15 – Freddie’s follow up (circumcision talk with Dad, wife is pregnant)
• 91:55 – “We were growing cheesier than a foreskin, Jake.” (comic recap)
• 94:00 – Freddie agrees to send follow-up audio after surgery

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Tone & Style

As ever, the episode is buoyant, irreverent, and affectionate—filled with bits, side talk, and lived-in rapport. Jake and Gareth’s humor is self-effacing (“two idiots try real hard”), and their advice mixes practicality with theater. They balance real empathy for their callers, a willingness to play, and the acceptance that sometimes you have to manufacture your own happy ending—even if that means anonymously organizing your own goodbye.

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Final Takeaways

• Sometimes the best advice is to take charge of your own predicament—cleverly or not.
• Vulnerable subjects (like adult circumcision) become easier to handle with humor, straightforwardness, and a supportive audience.
• Listeners’ lives (and major moments) are genuinely affected by the show—even if only by giving someone a laugh in a hospital or a little more courage to broach a tough subject.
• You can always make your own celebration (or “potluck” goodbye), but a little social engineering doesn’t hurt.
• There is, apparently, a lot of cheese in London—and not all problems require a parental announcement.

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For listeners new and old, Episode 203 is a showcase of “We’re Here to Help’s” best qualities: supportive, ridiculous, and surprisingly heartfelt.

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Freddie]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Freddie]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are back on a Monday. Okay, so my brother has a dog that is a older dog that's been a real pain in the ass. Like, it's just like what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's so neurotic that when like any, when people leave, he like loses his mind. He chews up shit. He's got all that stuff going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

And you do, of course. Yeah. That's what you do. But, but so it's. And like, even if someone's phone vibrates, like it gives him agenda like the dog. Okay, so. So I was like, I was shooting something and there was a huge dummy. There was like a big stuffed dummy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

And I told my brother. I was like, you know, on the show we actually had someone call in and they had an issue with when they left their dog. And I was like, what if we. What if you took this dummy and you put some of your clothes on it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You did our pitch?

[Jake Johnson]

I did our pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In the real world on this. Anybody who's ever done a pitch they heard on this show based on what Garrett did, call in. We can have you for a follow up, but you have to have actually done something you've heard. We'd love to hear it. How happened? Keep going, Garrett.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. So. So they took it. Why don't you start with the picture, Natalie? I'll show you this picture first. So the Picture that they did. So this is. So this is the guy they dressed up. So first of all, I'll be honest. Okay, so they. They started. Because they put it in a chair. They started to call him Cheramy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

And. And then over the course of time, Jeremy developed a bit of a drinking issue. So they were. Yeah, so they were saying Cherubi was. Had a bit of a drinking issue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

T. Rex. No, like push ups is a great tank.

[Jake Johnson]

Well the. And I will say he came with the beard. But. But so, so they. Okay, so they. So this is where it started. Right. And then they started to kind of build the lore of Cherubi. And then they weren't. They would go out and they were like. They couldn't tell because they also have to put the. The dog on like some anti anxiety drugs too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's got stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

So they weren't sure if it was the drugs or if it was Jeremy. But. And you can see he's got some weights on the table there. So fitness is important.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then talking about what the five pounders.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, there was still something and okay. And then. So this is the video. The dog started to really like the other call. This dog really started to like Jeremy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God.

[Jake Johnson]

So you could see here, the Jeremy is there in an L A clippers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sweater with its leg on the dog.

[Jake Johnson]

And the dog. The dog really like, like felt comforted by. Oh, you'll see here. The dog's name's Po. My brother's name's Nick. And so the dog is like putting the leg on his head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's adorable. It feels. Because it smells. The guy feels safe.

[Jake Johnson]

So they, they kept changing the wardrobe and the dog really like they felt like the dog really started to take a shining to cherub.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy. It works.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, no, it worked for a while.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The dog started humping Jeremy.

[Jake Johnson]

The dog. I don't know what happened. They still use Jeremy in a combination with anxiety. It didn't work as well as our pitch, but for like a couple weeks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The dog was kind of fooled into think and I was like, you gotta hang out with it. I said all the stuff we said, you gotta make it seem like a person.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What did we say? Like had. Give it a ham sandwich or something.

[Jake Johnson]

I think we put some treats in the pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe we did. And I think I remember we put like ham on its mouth.

[Jake Johnson]

We might have put ham on its mouth. By the way. I should probably mention putting ham on its mouth. I forgot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Treats in it is a great idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Treats in it. Well, he has to be in the crate, though, because he just. He. So. But it was like he would be in the crate and Jeremy would be near the crate and it would almost like he felt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, here's what you could also pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put Jeremy right next to him, Ham on the face, treats in the pocket.

[Jake Johnson]

Imagine just hearing this out of context.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And have your brother do a voice recording on loop.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That goes like. Good boy. Just relax, pal.

[Jake Johnson]

That's actually great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good job.

[Jake Johnson]

That's great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're doing good.

[Jake Johnson]

That's really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just sitting here with ham on my face.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. I really like that. I like the recording a lot. The Rick. I could have the whole family just pretend they're there and have agreed. I like that a lot. That's good.

[Celia]

Better. What if it's the loop for three hours, though, and it.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

And then he gets too used to it, and then he needs someone to.

[Celia]

Talk to him constantly. Like, that won't be good.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, they will. Yeah. Natalie, come on. We're trying. Bringing it in for a landing and someone wants to go up. Back in the sky guy. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what the premise of the show is? Is two goofballs making up.

[Jake Johnson]

Right? Two idiots try real hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just.

[Celia]

It's his brother. I don't want it to get worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's not going to get worse. Nothing could get worse.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it's pretty bad. It's. It's. It is really bad. He's like. He's. He's got like, doggy dementia or something. But I. They were all like, what are you talking about? And then slowly but surely, they were like, I'll tell you what, this dog is not destroying the crate like it did two weeks ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do. Let's actually take this another step. Have your brother do the stuff, and then let's bring your brother on and do a little follow up.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because this could actually be a ringing of the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I.

[Freddie]

It.

[Jake Johnson]

What. It. What was hysterical was. I was like. It just dawned on me and then I. As it started to work, I was like, you know, we're idiots, like you're saying. But we really. We're in the zone. But we're in the zone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If it works. Gareth, we're really.

[Jake Johnson]

We're really good at our level of, like, the show has really gotten, like. Again, we're not, like, we're not gonna get you. We're not gonna get you big gains. But in our little zone here, small gains, we really. We. I don't know what it is. It's that we spent. We've said it before. Is that we spent so long pitching to each other as idiots, and then it sort of has just evolved into our confidence, our little brains, as well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As this audience taking it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. As. And. And as well as the producers giving us. Giving us the zone of problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is now an official call out to the audience. If anybody, positive or negative, you guys know us, we. We don't mind if it's negative.

[Jake Johnson]

No, we're used to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But. But if anybody has tried any of the techniques, please, please let us know. And then, Gareth, I want to read you something in terms of the sweetness.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I texted it to you already.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but still, read it. It's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty goddamn good. So somebody wrote into our show, and it's just really nice, and this son of a. Said this. So I just want you guys all to know what kind of community you're a part of. Yeah. You're spending a Monday with us. You're driving to work. You're thinking, jake's being mean.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett's greasy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's greasy.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth looks like he's sweating enough for three men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna be. If Jake stood up and revealed the shorts he was wearing, Gareth would have them. That's why Jake's not gonna go to the bathroom until Gareth goes first.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake has an apparatus under the table he urinates in because if he got up, Gareth would probably see these weird American shorts that he wears.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake probably has two new things he's doing that he hasn't told Gareth about, because similar to the Jiu Jitsu dummy and the statues in the backya, he knows Gareth is going to roast him.

[Jake Johnson]

So he's really keeping things tight. Gareth, even though we're about to read something, is super enticed by that and wants to start investigating pretty hard to figure out what these weird things are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake knows as soon as it gets revealed, it's going to be six months of the show and he's not going to be able to get out of it.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth knows that. Gareth knows that even hearing that, it's really bad that they. One of the things is real bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake knows that. Gareth finds out. Jake, he's going to get really embarrassed about decisions he's made at his age.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake. Oh, Gareth knows these are good. If Jake knows this early, they're bad, then they're bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake knows there's a reason he's bringing Steve and Eric on more, and that's because those guys are weirder. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

He could hold Them in front. He could human shield himself with the body of Burg and Eric.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I go, of course I'm collecting tennis machines, but I'm not going to Dick van Djk.

[Jake Johnson]

It's really true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course I have a turtle farm.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I. I put lotions on my face, but at least I'm not going to estate sales for guys who haven't been on TV in 45 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So funny. So we got this from friend Michael. Just wanted to thank you guys and Ty Burell. First of all, how great was Ty.

[Jake Johnson]

Barell on our show? We talked about that episode for days after. As far as that being as good as the chemistry with a guest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just. He's also. He's so good in everything, and he was.

[Jake Johnson]

He was great on that. I mean. I mean, it shows you, like, if someone listens to it a little bit, they get the show very quickly. He was like, oh, I get this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. My wife was in labor for over 48 hours. She got right up to the finish line, 9 centimeters, and just couldn't get the last. They finally told her she had to have a C section. She has worked at a Children's Hospital ICU for the last 17 years, so she has only ever seen the bad cases. She was obviously terrified and anxious, so much so that she got sick before going in. What a nightmare for this poor lady. She asked if she could have headphones in so she wouldn't hear the medical talk and be aware of what was going on. And what she wanted to listen to was the most recent episode of We're Here to Help. She was able to tune out the conversation around her and focus on her favorite podcast. After a few minutes, we welcomed our first child, the beautiful Wyatt Joseph. It only felt right to thank everyone involved in making your show to help her get through it. So thank you to the entire team. That's awesome. A lady. A little boy was brought onto planet Earth ripped because of his body, not because.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, go ahead. You keep cooking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you threw me off.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, go ahead. Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because of us. Ring the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, buddy. Now we gave birth to a baby. Can I say one thing? Can I say one thing before we leave the intro?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Was any part of you disappointed when you read the name? Yes, because it felt like it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought it would be Jacob Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

I kind of was feeling like we were getting led to, like. It's great. It's a great story, but it kind of felt like maybe we. One of us would get a. I agree. A head nod. Of the name, but I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Still, it's a. Yeah, but less so now. And while you did that, you knocked over our picture, which I saw you put up right before, so I know it's only up for us.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it keeps falling. And as you can see, without further ado, hey, we're here. Those or helpers, whatever you'd like to be called, I respect that. Jake and I are doing a sort of a little bit of a different episode coming up. I know we'd mentioned it before, and what we're really looking for is just any interesting advice from a strange predicament you found yourself in. So you found yourself in a weird spot. You asked for someone's advice or someone had. It was in a weird spot. They asked you for some advice and you gave it to them. And how did it play out? How did that work out? What was the outcome? Think of it like the condensed version of our show. A problem, some advice. It played out. Where did you end up? Just that sort of thing. So if you have any interest in being on that show, email HelpfulPod. We would love to talk to you and make the subject advice, good advice, wild advice, something like that. That just kind of differentiates it from some of the other emails that we get. Excited to talk to you. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by the great Hulu. Specifically New Girl. Make it a New Girl summer on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. Guys, if you're listening to this show, you know New Girl. Well, look, it's all on Hulu right now. Hulu's looking for people to watch it. You've probably already seen the show. You've probably binged it. If you got Hulu, throw it on, put it on in the background. Just get that show streaming, make the good people of Hulu happy and make it a God damn New Girl summer. Because there's nothing like going back to the beginning and seeing old Jess and Nick meet for the first time. I remember when our characters met for the first time. It was in the pilot we were shooting in the actual Prince in Koreatown. If you come to Los Angeles, you should go to the Prince Bar. If you're actually a New Girl fan, you should make a trip with your friends to Los Angeles to go to the Prince. It is a bar I used to hang out with before we started filming that show and we shot the first season there and then they built a replica on our set. It is just a magical place and it'll make you feel like you are in the bar where Nick worked. It looks exactly like that. And then while you're in that area, go to downtown and check out the outside of the loft. I don't remember the exact streets of this, but it's right in downtown la and there's great food around there too. So make it a New girl summer streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus. But also come to Los Angeles and experience the real new girl live. New Girl on Hulu.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are brought to you by Angry Orchard. Oh, come on. Welcome to the freaky season. Angry Orchard has partnered with with Jason Universe this fall to bring some sweet treats. It is a new limited edition Glow in the Dark thriller pack that includes four unique flavors, including blood orange, inspired by the Jason and they're Glow in the Dark. You don't even need light to find it. We've got special collectible Jason Crisp apples. 16 ounces, 24 ounce cans. And last but not least, just in time for movie nights, Sweet Revenge, which is a 13 minute short vignette that brings Jason back to the screen for the first time in 16 years. Directed by Mike P. Nelson. Go to angry orchard.com Halloween to grab the freaky good cider from Angry Orchard. And while you're there, watch the new Jason vignette Sweet Revenge and shop the collab merch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Squarespace. If you are thinking of making a website, go to squarespace.com I've been using.

[Jake Johnson]

Squarespace for, lord, I don't know, a decade. However, whenever they started, I started using Squarespace. Every website that I have any association with is Squarespace. We use Squarespace on the show all the time. Our fans are always asking if we want to do a Squarespace, you know, tie in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello, Hello, Hello. All right then.

[Freddie]

Hello, mate. All right, lads? How you doing?

[Jake Johnson]

All right, lad, how you doing? Where you? What's your name? All right, what's your name, mate? Go on then.

[Freddie]

It's Freddie.

[Jake Johnson]

Freddie. All right, you're doing out of Y or an id, Freddie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You'Re doing that with a Y or. Or an ie, Freddie. What was that, Jake? Go on then, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm Nigel.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, yeah. So, Freddy, Freddie, your age, please. What, you're 29?

[Freddie]

I'm 35.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how many stone you walk around at?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, what's your stone count, mate?

[Freddie]

How many stone? Yeah, 16 at the moment, but I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

Trying to lose a little bit too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Many points going in me nickels and dimes created 15 pence.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's mate. So I don't know what you're talking about. All right then, Freddy, let's get into it. Where you from then, Freddy? Whereabouts?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's from South London, man.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fourth and Cathedral.

[Freddie]

No, to be fair. To be fair, Jake's LA it. I am from southeast London, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hell, My God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Over there.

[Freddie]

Boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For me.

[Jake Johnson]

He doesn't. They don't know your guys been home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a little bit.

[Jake Johnson]

You're not from there. I'm saying a nickel and a dime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get a monkey for me, yeah? What do you mean? My boy Freddie. No. Yeah, say hi to the guys for me, yeah?

[Jake Johnson]

Say hi to the ghost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say hi to the mates for me, yeah? I'll be in my flat. A nickel and a dime. Create 15 cent. Get yourself a monkey, yeah? Freddie, what's going on?

[Freddie]

Well, thanks for having me, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love having you already.

[Freddie]

Thank you so much. Yeah, so little bit of. A little bit of context. I'll just dive into it. A little bit of context. So my wife and I are currently trying for a baby. We've been trying for about just shy of a year.

[Jake Johnson]

That means I haven't sex.

[Freddie]

Fingers crossed. We'll. We'll see how we get on. Well, this is part of the problem. This is part of the thing. The. What seems to have what's right arisen during the process is that I need to get circumcised. And so my question is.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, what?

[Freddie]

And I've got some more context to do.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Freddie]

Okay, I can hold.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, he's saying me hold back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, me too. Me too. Because I want to jump in there so much, but I think you got a lot to go, so just. Freddie, give us everything.

[Freddie]

Well, so, so, so, so my initial. My initial question is how do I tell my parents that I'm getting circumcised? Now text to talk about that. That situation, but I'm happy to answer any other questions first.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll do a presser after.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100% press conference.

[Freddie]

Okay? So, yeah, well, so, like I say, so I need to get. So I need to get certain size and I don't know how to go about telling my parents in the. In the sense of I would feel bad. Like it's a medical procedure. I'm going to have to undergo anesthetics and medical procedure, and I feel bad about not letting them know about it, but I also don't particularly want to talk to them in detail about my genitals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. And.

[Freddie]

And kind of what's going on there. And then the added wrinkle of that is that I've not told my parents that we're trying to have kids and that we're trying for kids. And so I don't want the knowledge of me getting circumcised in this circumstance to color their excitement about being potential first grandparents.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Okay, can we. Let's ask a couple things real quick. Why do you have to get circumcised to have to get her pregnant?

[Freddie]

I don't have to, but it's just. It's very. It's a very uncomfortable situation basically. And look, if. If this is going to be too much information, you tell me. I've got. I've got a very tight foreskin and I've dealt with for most of my life and it's not been an issue. Shagging with Johnny's absolutely fine because it kind of holds everything in place unsheathed. It's peeling it back and it's very uncomfortable for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give me one second. Yeah, I need. I. There's so much going on that I love.

[Freddie]

We have a photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have a photo. No, see that. Can we.

[Freddie]

Hilarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please don't tell me there's any photos and you're not gonna do weird close ups.

[Jake Johnson]

I just go back to that picture of me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Freddie, I just need a minute to breathe. There's so much going on and it's all great.

[Jake Johnson]

It is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now please go ahead, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I, I get. I get now what you're saying. So it really is a matter of. You're. You didn't really know how much it hurt to have sex at this clip in order to have a kid unprotected, basically.

[Freddie]

Exactly. Yeah. I'd like. I'd. I'd managed in the past and it's not like it's the first time I've ever had.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Freddie]

Unprotected sex or whatever. But, like, I don't. I don't want to go out on a national. America's number one podcast and say that I've Never shagged before, but that's also the world.

[Jake Johnson]

Someone. But keep going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Freddie]

Right. But. But yeah, I like. I've always just managed to get by, but now it's like. It's obviously it's a regular thing. We're doing it all the time. It's. It's a. It's very uncomfortable for me. And you're committed and I love. Well, I've been to the doctor. I went to the gp, I would help and he can. And he confirmed that it's. Yeah, it's very t. So I've got an appointment with the urologist coming up and so it's. It's. It's only a matter of time before it happens. What is the not book in?

[Jake Johnson]

What's the recovery time on the circum surgery? Do you know?

[Freddie]

Great question. I don't know. I'd be honest. I've not really looked into it. I think. I think it's like two to four weeks, but I'm not sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I imagine you're a disappointment. Yeah. I imagine you're in for a world of pain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's not gonna be great.

[Freddie]

That's my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's gonna hurt me out.

[Jake Johnson]

How often do you see your parents?

[Celia]

Semi, regular.

[Freddie]

I mean probably like once some. Once every six weeks. Once a month maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Jake Johnson]

I mean there is the play where we don't even tell them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, quick question, Freddie. Are you amaze your family? You guys got some cockney in you?

[Freddie]

Not. Not any cockney, no. Like we like. I live in South London. I've lived here for 17 odd years now. I grew up in Kent, which is like down in the south part of England, but. But particularly cockney. But I'll tell you why I'm a South England boy. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you got some of the rhyming in you, which I love so much.

[Freddie]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the voice. I'm always pretending you've. You. You sound perfect.

[Freddie]

Well, thank you. And. Well, we went to international school together, so you picked it up off of me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we just take 30 quick seconds and just talk as guys without Gareth telling me how bad it is just for pure enjoyment?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Talk about how tight his foreskin is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, okay.

[Freddie]

It'll be my pleasure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How you doing, Freddie?

[Freddie]

I'm doing pretty well, mate. It's. Have you been down the pub recently?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nah, bruv, haven't been there. Kettle and hard. Bottle and stopper. Yeah. Dog and bone.

[Freddie]

I can't believe it. Get down there, mate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been trying, bro. How's the tight skin. Yeah.

[Freddie]

I'll tell you what, mate, it's bloody tight right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bees and honey. The thing's gotta loosen up a bit.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Freddie, I just want to talk to your. Your South London bud here from international school. What are you reading off your phone? Buddy from international school. You keep kind of looking down, like back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Audio only.

[Jake Johnson]

Garrett.

[Freddie]

Apples and pears in a minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dog and bone, bottle and stopper. Yeah, I've already said that. Yeah. Butchers.

[Celia]

Did you.

[Freddie]

Do you go down the shop and get yourself a whistle and flute yet?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. But you got to take that flute. You got to take the COVID off.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's what he's trying to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It feels all right with the jimmy on it, but you gotta take the jimmy off. You know what I mean? Then you gotta. You gotta get a little Adam and Eve. Yeah. Bees and honey make the baby. Yeah. 5 plus 10 equals 15 cent.

[Jake Johnson]

No. All right, now I'm jumping in. He's about to ask about the monkey rental again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get him on.

[Jake Johnson]

That is obviously very, very, very. It's hard to tell who was who. Thank God for the video because I couldn't tell where Jake started. And Freddie. Freddie began, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel the same way, brother.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Well, Freddie, it's a very interesting problem. I think you. I understand the impulse to tell your parents and really your main problem is that. But also you don't want to tell them you're getting that. That done with and also not tell them why, which is a big part of it. Because I think part of me wonders are if you tell them that, are they going to be like. Feel kind of like they up, you know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, because he got. You got. They got. Give you a bad circumcision or they.

[Jake Johnson]

Gave you no circumcision.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but why is this happening, Freddie? Is this. This can't be for all men.

[Jake Johnson]

This is England.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what does that mean?

[Jake Johnson]

England doesn't circumcise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But. So do all English men have a hard time if they don't have a condom on?

[Jake Johnson]

It's a good question. Are you particular? You're particularly tight?

[Freddie]

No, I think. No, I think I'm. I think I'm a particular case. And like, I don't think it's particularly rare for people to have a tight foreskin. I'm sure that's a reason why a lot of blokes get circumcised, but I didn't know. I know a few other. I've. Look, I've spoken to a couple of our mate about It. And. And they've been in similar. And they've had situations when they were kids and it's been a lot more thing. But to your point, Jake, I think it was what you're trying to say is that, yes. It's a lot less prevalent in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Freddie]

Britain than it is in America. Like culturally, together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Freddie]

Most of my mates are with foreskin, I would probably say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. A lot of cheese in London. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Freddie, they say the ch in France. I say it's better in London. Sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

So. Okay, well, first, my first thought is just don't even tell him. But I understand that you want to tell them. So it's really about.

[Freddie]

And to be fair, Gareth, that was. That was part of the call. He's like, should I bother telling them at all? And just like, keep it quiet and just like undergo it and just get on with it. Whatever.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I mean, it's like, I'm happy.

[Freddie]

To take that on.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think every guy who got you. Okay, Jake. I don't think every guy who got his wonderful pierced tells his parents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I say, let's take away the part of this call of even, like, we're not going to tell him. Let's just figure out how to tell mom and dad that you're getting circumcised at 35 years old.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. I got a couple.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear.

[Jake Johnson]

My first one is you said you have friends who have done this for similar reasons.

[Freddie]

I don't know if it's similar. Well, they. They've told me when I've mentioned this at the pub in the past, they've gone, oh, yeah, I got circumcised as well.

[Jake Johnson]

But they were.

[Freddie]

They were kids when it happened.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Freddie]

They were like older kids, but yeah. Foreskins when they were like six or seven or whatever. And it got done there.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you have friends with kids?

[Freddie]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. I. My first pitch is that you have a little get together. You have a little Sunday party. You got your cucumber sandwiches with the crust cut off, you got your sausage rolls, you got your little pizzas that aren't very good, let's be honest. And you. You have your parents there and you have a few friends over, one with one set with kids, and you get one of your friends to talk about after a pint or two or after a wine or two, how he had to get the circumcision late because otherwise his wife couldn't. You know, this sort of the reasons you're talking about, in a way that's not too medical, so it's not crazy. But we plant the seed that way and then two weeks later you tell them your wife and you talked about it and you do want to have kids at some point, so you're going to get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It.

[Freddie]

I think that's probably doable. I mean, it wouldn't be true, but my lads.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, it's a lie.

[Freddie]

Amenable. Yeah, it's a lie, but that's fine. My lads are pretty amenable to that. I'm sure that'd be fine.

[Jake Johnson]

I've got another. It's also a party, like a gender reveal.

[Freddie]

Talking to a British boy, it says.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, we're having a little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Talking to two of them.

[Jake Johnson]

No, I'm not talking to one. And the other one thinks you can rent a monkey for 15 cents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make any monkey's money, Mate, it's code.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean, a monkey's money? They don't even use sense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They use pence, mate, you use the code so that the coppers can't hear you, bruv.

[Jake Johnson]

What coppers? What coppers are going to hear when you talk about renting a monkey? And what's the problem, mate?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The reason we created this language was so that we could talk about what we're really doing around the coppers.

[Jake Johnson]

And what is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crimes.

[Jake Johnson]

Crimes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, let me tell you.

[Freddie]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, let me tell you this. You want to know how you say prick a penis or wang a hog in my language? Hampton Wick.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. See, he's just got a list up. He's looking down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, you are.

[Freddie]

How much is a monkey? How much is a monkey?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

How much is a monkey? Yeah, I. I don't actually. I'll be honest. I don't know on the black market what a monkey costs here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, mate. A monkey is 30.

[Jake Johnson]

A monkey's 50.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had a monkey.

[Freddie]

Not quite. It's 500 quid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's 500 quid. I couldn't pull it up that fast. Freddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Freddie relates to that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm as tight as your foreskin, mate. Freddie, why don't we do this? Gareth and I will be your mom and your dad.

[Jake Johnson]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And let's just run through one where you don't talk about the baby. You say like you ask your dad if this happened to him, because a lot of this stuff, the hog is passed down just like the nose.

[Jake Johnson]

This is pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got my dad's nose. Hopefully, for his sake, I don't have his Hampton Wick. But it could be. Let's see what happens if you just bring it up to Ma and Pa and it's normal, it's fine, it's casual. You're just saying, this is an issue I'm going through and I'm going to have this procedure so that it could be. You want your mom and your dad to know and care. But there is a way to do this that's kind of easy, I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Before we do that, may I just weigh in on what you're saying a little bit, which is. I think you've. You just laid it out maybe the best way possible. If it's just a one on one with him and his dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And he kind of just goes, dad, did you ever have that issue when I was a kid?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Like when you were trying to have me, did you. Like, was that an issue? He might say no or yeah or whatever. And then you say, because I went to the doctor and he just kind of offhandedly mentioned it might be an issue. So I'm thinking of doing it, but I don't want mom to freak out, so I might do it. But it'll be fine. But I just wanted to tell you I was going to do it to see if you had this problem, but I don't want to tell mom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, for example, if you were going to talk about if he had an issue with his feet incogni, you'd say plates of meat. If you talk about legs, you would say scotch and eggs. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

No, but what are you. What are you reading off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You would say mince pies. If you're gonna say arms, you would say chalk farms.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody. A plate of meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So if you were going to talk about a whole. Yes, they do. If you're going to talk about whole body, what you would say is no. How's your plates of meat? Yeah. Scotch and eggs. Yes. On fire. Mid size up here. And you got your chalk farms.

[Jake Johnson]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In front of the.

[Jake Johnson]

Freddie, have you ever heard a doctor talk like this about a human body or anyone?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A cockney doctor maybe?

[Freddie]

No. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, you're off your loaf.

[Freddie]

All of the ones that Jay. All of the ones that Jake just said were insane. Apart from plates of meat. We do say plates of meat all the time about your feet.

[Jake Johnson]

It's crazy. But Jake was wrong. 90 of the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Scotch eggs is legs.

[Jake Johnson]

Scotch eggs is not legs. Scotch eggs would be like balls.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at. Look at that bird with the nice scotch eggs. That means that woman has beautiful legs. But this isn't what this is about. This is about you talking to your parents.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Scotch eggs is when you're trying to get a Scottish woman pregnant.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're off your L, man.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Freddy. Yeah, I had your head. I remember, from before. Freddy, why don't you. Why don't you talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't.

[Jake Johnson]

Quiet, please, sir. Why don't you talk to your dad?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jay, be the dad.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, thank you. But let. Let's maybe one on one this a little. And what do you think of that angle? Is that workable?

[Freddie]

Yeah, I like. I like the dad angle. I think. I think the dad angle works. I. And to be fair, I know that he's circumcised because I remember growing up as a kid seeing it, so I know that he circumcised it.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so we can.

[Freddie]

The circumstances, the circumcision stance, maybe that's a pretty. Pretty good in.

[Jake Johnson]

We've got a great conversation point. All right, here we go. It's just you and I in the kitchen and we're fixing ourselves some food off of a nice platter. All right?

[Freddie]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

She's done a lovely job with the prawn cocktails.

[Freddie]

Oh, yeah, she's done really well there with the Mary Rose sauce on it. Yeah, for sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Absolutely delicious.

[Freddie]

Dad, can I get you a cup of tea?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, all right, then. Go on, then. One more. Help me for the drive back, I suppose, after this.

[Freddie]

Yeah, he's got real posh and that's fine. Yeah. I was thinking. I've been having. I've been having a few issues recently and so I, like, I went to the doctor and I've been.

[Jake Johnson]

Everything all right?

[Freddie]

Yeah, no, I'm all right. Everything's fine. I've just been having a few issues with my. With the. With the lads downstairs and.

[Celia]

I was.

[Freddie]

Like, I know that you're circumcised. And like, how did. Like, why was that. Like, how was that when you were a kid? Like, why did that happen?

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean? I was just. My parents. They were great parents. Wait, I want to give you a note, Freddie. I would start. I would start with. I went to the doctor.

[Freddie]

Not with the. Not with the cup of tea.

[Jake Johnson]

No. Well, no, that's a good end for anyone in England. But I would. That it's a. Doesn't mean anything, though. I would start with. I was talking to my doctor and he kind of mentioned that. That it's going to be harder for us to have kids in the future because I'm circumcised, because I'm not circumcised. It just makes it harder. I know you're circumcised. Did you do that to have kids or, you know, and just float out there that you're thinking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's also a world where it starts with the idea that you and your wife had a fight last night. And the cockney term for that would be, I had a real bonaby with the trouble and strife last night.

[Jake Johnson]

Reading from something that, like, took place during the Canterbury.

[Gareth Reynolds]

T. You guys go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. All right. You'd call it a row. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you also want to say before.

[Jake Johnson]

No, he doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That you owe somebody a beer. You could just say, I owe you a pig's ear. You guys go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, we're gonna go ahead. Go ahead, Freddy. Hurry, start. Freddy, now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at me. I'm telling a load of porkies.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Freddy, go now, please.

[Freddie]

All right, all right. Hello, dad. You're right. Sorry. I was having a real barney with the old trouble last night.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Yes, I understand what that means. Very rare terminology, but understandable.

[Freddie]

But, yeah, I was. I went to the. I was at the doctors recently, and I was, like, trying to get. I was getting some stuff checked out.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Freddie]

And my. The doctor was saying that it was, like. Might be bit tricky for me, like, if. If my wife and I want to, like, have kids. Like, maybe foreskin might be, like, a bit tight. Might be an issue. I might. Maybe. Maybe getting circumcised is the way forward. Like, is there. I know that you're circumcised. Like, is that, like, what happens with you? Like, what happened to you?

[Jake Johnson]

Funny you mentioned that, Freddie. I didn't want to bring this up, but when I was about your age, I had an extremely tight foreskin.

[Freddie]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is so weird.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that. I think that in. Is pretty good. I think. I think what you just said is pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I give. I was just trying to be the cockney guy here, but that's. This is such a weird. How are we getting to the good stuff? Then he goes.

[Jake Johnson]

I decided I liked the end and wanted to make the father the main character in this. In my version of the dad goes to the window. Like, that goes. I was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know you were about to do a monologue.

[Jake Johnson]

I was about to do. And I saved us. I. By the way, I saved us. I did your part. I jumped in and stopped myself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, listen to us, man. We're all just having a bubble bath. Okay? But, like, you Gotta love that. You know, you gotta love. We're all having a bubble bath. That means we're having a laugh, but really fast. And let's get into this for real because I've done too much. It's getting a little bit boring. But you gotta love the baked bean. That means you love the queen. But let's do this really fast, okay? Because here's the reality, dude, I owe you a pig's ear. That's a beer. So let's. Let's do this, friend.

[Jake Johnson]

Never happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, he's having tried. He's having a tumble down to sink. He's had a drink. It sounds like I've had a tumble down to sink today. Too many drinks. That's a real thing. That's how people talk. Can you give me a dog in a bone, please? That means can you give me a phone, please?

[Jake Johnson]

I'll give you a pig's ear to stop talking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My dream is to be cockney. Because they speak in a weird code around coppers. Freddy. It's the coolest thing on planet Earth. It is English, but they pretend it's not. It's just weird rhyming. Here's what I think, Freddie. I don't think we want to start with this idea of it hurts, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah with the babies. I think you go to your dad and do a very. Do a. Can I be you and you be your dad?

[Freddie]

Okay, yeah, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just see. So please do your dad as real as your dad can be. And obviously I can do you perfectly. No, the listener has no idea who's talking to me or you. So it's very easy to. Without question, I said porky if I ever heard one. So it's going to be really easy for them to get into the reality of this. But let's just see how this goes. I'm not going to do all the slang terms because I'm not mature enough to do that and pitch. So I apologize to the audience. They're begging for more terms.

[Jake Johnson]

No, they're not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't write.

[Jake Johnson]

They're overloaded. You started to repeat them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Piggly and Mo. So let's. Let's just do one quick. And I'm going to try to get to just telling you. Okay, okay, okay. What's a. How do you refer to dad? What's your term?

[Freddie]

I can give you. Everyone calls him fluff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fluff for sake. Wait, say it again.

[Freddie]

Fluff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Flusk.

[Jake Johnson]

Fluff. Like fluffy pillow fluff as in yeah, yeah, yeah, fluff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this is Where I was meant to be born and raised.

[Jake Johnson]

Why?

[Freddie]

Why?

[Jake Johnson]

Why, Freddy? I want to. To get into why Fluff. Why Fluff? I can't believe we're just supposed to move on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

The whole call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How can.

[Jake Johnson]

Now I'm having a bubble bath. What? Why Fluff, Freddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like I just had a tumble down the sink.

[Jake Johnson]

You had a drink. I remember. Why do they call him Fluff?

[Freddie]

When he was. When. When he was. When he was a kid, he had a big afro and, like, really frizzy curly hair, so everyone called him Fluff growing up, and it just stuck and ever and ever, and everyone calls him Fluff. Now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold. You telling me a Lord of Pokey's here?

[Jake Johnson]

No, he's not.

[Freddie]

No, that is. That is absolute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Well, for.

[Freddie]

I. I don't call. That's what everyone calls him. I. I mostly just call him dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, of course. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when Fluffer saw your. Your mom, did she go, she got a lovely kn.

[Jake Johnson]

Is the first thing that he said when he saw his future wife. She's got nice underpants? No, probably not. Because anyone near Fluff at that point would have called the copper they're trying to avoid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got no Scooby.

[Jake Johnson]

I do have a Scooby. Just do this. All right, Here we go. Jake's your dad. Freddie, you're you. We're not having a bubble bath anymore. Three, two, Piggly. Go, go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, hey, Fluff.

[Freddie]

Oh, hello, friendly. How you doing, mate?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, how's it?

[Freddie]

Yeah, yeah, doing all. Doing all right. Doing all right. Just been doing some more stuff. Just doing some more stuff in the kitchen at the moment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Cheers. Cheers. Wonderful. Hey. Oh, Morn, if I ask you a question?

[Freddie]

Yeah, sure, of course. Any. Anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, thanks. Appreciate you. Love you much. Yeah. So I think I know the answer to this, but is you sliced?

[Freddie]

Am I what? Sorry?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your hog slice. Did you take your hog to the butcher and get it sliced up or is it uncut?

[Freddie]

I'm a vegetarian, so I'm not sure what you're on about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, fair enough. I'm uncircumcised. Yeah.

[Freddie]

Yeah, I know that. Yeah, well, unless you've had something done that I don't know about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I haven't, mate, but I want to talk to your father and son. Fluff. To Fluff Jr. Here. I'm thinking of getting it done. Yeah. Because it's a little tight. Yeah. But use.

[Freddie]

Why would you want to do that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, Paul. Okay. Because it hurts a little bit when I don't use a Jimmy. Yeah. And who wants to wear rubber when we're going to the sea?

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If I'm in the River Thames, I don't want to wear a rubber suit. Yeah.

[Freddie]

Fair enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fair enough, mate. You're being.

[Freddie]

You're being very open with me.

[Jake Johnson]

Me?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I love you. What do you think, Paul? You think it's a bad idea because you jump into Thames without a rubber suit on? Is it too cold, is my question.

[Freddie]

Look, I'm not having a bubble bath. I think if I think of it something. I think if it's something that you think you need to do, I mean, obviously it's still a surgery, so be careful. But, like, if it's something you think you need to do, then I think, think. Well, I'll. I'll. I'll support you if you need support. You don't need to talk to me about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, But I just wanted to tell you all the respect, but, yeah, you support me, you'll handle it with my. I don't want to have much talk with it being it, but. Yeah, but I think I'm going to do it. I think it'd be better for me. Yeah.

[Freddie]

Do you want. Do you want me to. Do you want me to tell your mom or do you want to keep this between us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Maybe whatever you think is best. I don't want to exclude her. Yeah.

[Freddie]

But.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, man, if you can handle.

[Freddie]

Hello?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Pigs here for sure.

[Freddie]

All right. All right, well, I think I'll. Oh, yeah, well, look, we'll keep it between us, but you let me know how you get on, all right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll be fine. But the problem with it, it's going to cost me about four monkeys.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Okay, we're good. And that's the end of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, Freddie, how do you think that could work?

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's the right one. I hated the execution of it, but that's right, I think.

[Freddie]

Yeah, I think. Yeah, I think just chatting with dad is probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now. Let's do this. Freddie. You.

[Jake Johnson]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, Gareth, you know how the dad sounds.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear how it goes. Freddy is Freddy. Gareth as fluff. Three, two, piggly. And go.

[Freddie]

Oh, hi, dad. How you doing? You're right.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, all right, Freddy? Yes. Just having a look at some of these delicious horses your wife's put out. Really knows how to make a Sunday snack station.

[Freddie]

Fantastic. You're sounding pretty. Pretty sharp today, mate. I appreciate it. Look, I just. I just wanted to. I just wanted to sort of chat about you.

[Jake Johnson]

All right?

[Freddie]

Have you got a minute? Can we just have.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, absolutely. Let me just put down the Hawaiian pizza. I do love a Hawaiian. Go on then. What's going on?

[Freddie]

So I've been having a few.

[Jake Johnson]

I picked the hammock. I'm vegetarian.

[Freddie]

Downstairs.

[Celia]

Downstairs.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God, sorry, say it again.

[Freddie]

I've been, I've been having a few issues with, with the. Downstairs. And I went to the doctor and he was saying that he thinks it might be worth me getting circumcised and really. I know, I know, I know that you were. I don't know why that was, but I was Wanted to talk to you about it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, the truth is, it was always difficult for me growing up because nobody else had it done, so. So when I started thinking about the trauma I'd suffered as a child, I thought, well, maybe we just leave it as everyone else does, and left you as you were. But you're thinking of having it done? Why?

[Freddie]

I think it's just, it's quite uncomfortable for me and it has been for a long time and I've never really sort of dealt with it, but it's. As I'm getting older and as I'm sort of, as things are happening, it's just more uncomfortable as time goes on, so I think it might be a good thing for me to do.

[Jake Johnson]

Uncomfortable?

[Freddie]

When you're. Well, mostly like, you don't, you don't want to, you don't want to talk about that.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Yes, but I, I think if you want to have that done, have it done, you know, just up to you. It's yours.

[Freddie]

Yes, but if I, but, like, would you, like, I could tell you about it, but, like, do you want to just kind of keep it quiet for Mum or, like, what, what Would you be all right with that?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, yes, it's up to you. I, I, there's nothing, maybe, no need to worry her unless there's something to worry about. So you have it done. And if there's anything to talk about, I'll tell her I made the decision to not tell her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we do this really fast, Freddy? Can you, in under a minute, be you and your dad? Because what you don't want to get into is a long one with dad. This is just. You're telling him what you're doing, getting his quick opinion and then wrapping it up. Okay, let's just see how that goes.

[Freddie]

Do both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're, you're both you and your dad.

[Jake Johnson]

Fluff and Freddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And let's see how real you can do this because you know your dad better enough us so now, this is where the thing gets real, because I am going to ask you to record this when you do it in real life so we can play this right after. And we will see how close this actually goes. Because you can just hold a voice note in your. In your phone. He won't know.

[Freddie]

Yeah, yeah. He wouldn't. He won't have a clue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He won't have a clue. I could have literally, with my dad, had a microphone in front of his face and he wouldn't have known.

[Jake Johnson]

Taped on your forehead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'd go like this. He's like, what are you holding in your hand? I'll go, it's not a camera. He'll go, wonderful. Let me tell you my secret. So let's. Let's see how it will go. And then Freddy the fun will be we'll get the real one and see him kind of back to back.

[Freddie]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And this will be an indicator if this is a winning call or just a really fun, weird one. Because I think we could also ring a bell here, babe.

[Jake Johnson]

I do, too.

[Freddie]

All right, let's give it a go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got it, babe.

[Freddie]

Hey, dad. How you doing? Yeah, yeah, I'm good. How are you? How are things? Yeah, I'm alright. I've been having a few issues recently and I thought they were saying that I could get circumcised and. I know you're circumcised. Like, how was that? Like, how. How was it for you? Oh, okay, sure. Yeah. I mean, I had it done when I was a kid, so I don't really remember, but, yeah, I mean, if it's something that you think you need to get done, then, like, good luck to you. Like, have you got anything booked in? No, no, I've got anything booked in yet, but I reckon. But, like, I've got. I've got an appointment with urologist coming up and so the train's rolling. Trains moving, moving down the track. So it's like, all right, well. Well, if. If it's going and if you need any support, like, I'll be happy to. Do you want me to come to an appointment? No, no, I think I'll be all right. But I'll keep you in the loop. Yeah? Yeah. All right then, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wonderful.

[Freddie]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you're well down the.

[Freddie]

Kermit felt pretty good, mate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was perfect. You're well down to Kermit Road. It's perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kermit means road you're well down to. You're. You're well down to Kermit.

[Freddie]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I Think it's perfect.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you Welsh now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I lost it because I got really.

[Jake Johnson]

Into you never had it, but you certainly lost whatever you had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, Freddie, that's a winning formula.

[Freddie]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it is too. I think you do it that way. I think that's straightest route on this.

[Freddie]

So, yeah, I think. I think that's probably the cleanest. Cleanest route. Yeah, for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, brav. I love you. No mission. See you back in South London.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, feel free to hang up, Freddy, otherwise it won't stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love you. Bravo.

[Freddie]

Appreciate you both.

[Jake Johnson]

Hang up now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say hi to the mates from where.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not asking. Hang up now. Freddie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love you.

[Jake Johnson]

For your own safety, I'm you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm you. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode is sponsored by Kachava.

[Jake Johnson]

There are many times where I will be out on the road and I'll think, oh, I'm gonna have time to do all the things I want. I'm going to be able to. To pay attention to what I want to eat, what I want to put in my body. And then the next thing you know, I'm in an airport waiting all day, calling an airline, specifically one airline mainly, and saying, hey, what did you do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

You've ruined my day. And I'm thinking, I'm not gonna be able to do anything. But guess what? Then after all that, I will get to the hotel and I will be able to have cachava, which I am such a huge fan of. They have tons of flavors, but now there is a strawberry flavor, which is my new addiction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's got 85 superfoods. It's got nutrients and it's plant based protein. There's no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. No gmo, no soy, no animal products, no gluten, no preservatives.

[Jake Johnson]

You've never tasted strawberry like this. Go to cachava.com and use code here to help for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava. K A C H a v a dot com. Code here to help for 15 off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when's our first caller?

[Celia]

Noon. They're here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Should we start and then punish? Gareth? Let's start. It's 1201. Do it.

[Celia]

All right, all right, all right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Celia]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi. How are you doing?

[Celia]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Can we get your name, please?

[Celia]

Yes, I'm gonna go by Celia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Celia, you're on with Jake Johnson and Natak because Gareth Reynolds is late to a zoom. Celia.

[Jake Johnson]

Lame.

[Celia]

How could he To a zoom?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is he doing curling that hair?

[Celia]

He's got to deal with his wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Celia, we're gonna start. He's gonna jump on and then get mad at me for starting. But I always think it's fun and chaotic when somebody has to come in the middle. So you want to just start with us two and tell us what your issue is today?

[Celia]

Absolutely. Okay. So I've been working at my job for three years. I'm kind of the social facilitator at my job, so I make sure that everybody feels welcome if we get a new person on the team. If someone leaves the team, I'll get together like a goodbye gift, get venmos from everybody. If somebody has a baby or like a big milestone, something like that. I put together, like, icebreakers and fun activities for the team, so it feels like a fun team. So I just got into grad school, so that means I'm leaving my job. But I'm kind of nervous that I'm not going to get celebrated because I want to make sure I have a nice ending to this chapter of my career. And I don't know, my co workers, they're more like, I don't know, know, programmer types and less social and outgoing, so I'm worried they're not gonna do anything for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Celia, So. Oh, I'm so sorry, Celia. Our dear friend Gareth Reynolds just showed up. Celia.

[Celia]

That face. You do not look happy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One second. Hey, Gareth. Were you recording the Netflix show? Making a band with your hair?

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, what's going on right now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're in a call, babe.

[Jake Johnson]

Weren't we starting at noon?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's 1203.

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's late.

[Jake Johnson]

You can do that. What is going. This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Go ahead, Gareth. What's your advice to Celia?

[Jake Johnson]

Don't trust anyone. They're all trying to betray you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I knew he was going to be a victim. The late one does not get to lay on their back and go. Hold on. What happened, happened? Tell Celia. Celia. Sorry for wasting your time. Gareth, why were you late? What happened? A guy.

[Jake Johnson]

C E L I A. Celia. 27 Detroit. What's going on?

[Freddie]

What?

[Jake Johnson]

Can we help?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've already done this. The audience has already done it. We don't start. When you're ready, Queenie.

[Jake Johnson]

What's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Audience? And that attack, we've already.

[Jake Johnson]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just think you run the whole world, honey bunny.

[Jake Johnson]

Celia, what's. What's going on today? What can we help you with? Sorry about that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've already done this. She works at a company. She's working for three years. She makes sure Everybody's comfortable. She's leaving and she wants a big party, and she's afraid people are going to throw. Aren't going to throw her a party.

[Jake Johnson]

Because they're like, detroit, we're in Detroit. What's burb. What's going on?

[Celia]

Not Detroit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, he doesn't even listen.

[Jake Johnson]

You're a real snake in the grass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the biggest. I got so excited when you were late. I go to. Natalie, goes, hey, how's it going? I go, start, start, start. You should have seen me. I was like, a little.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like a camera was all glitchy. So I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please, please, please start. I want to get as many.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. I'll tell you in my head. I was like, did we start at, like, noon or, like, 11? I was like, this is insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Literally, Gareth, 30 seconds late. I was yelling, start it, start it.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's go, let's go, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to get as many questions as possible. I was trying to get a pitch in first. Cecilia, will you recap to Gareth just a little bit what I missed? And then we'll get into this thing, But I think we're going to be able to help.

[Celia]

Awesome. Yeah. You got. I mean, broad strokes, basically. I've been working at my job for three years. I'm kind of the instigator for anything fun or social or, like, you know, making it feel like a work family. Like icebreakers and put together gifts. Make sure we celebrate people's birthdays if they want to be celebrated. And I want to make sure that I have a nice end to this stint. And I'm afraid nobody's going to celebrate me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It makes sense because you're the one who throws all the parties. So who's going to throw the party? I got my first pitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, go.

[Celia]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is probably going to be wrong, but I think it might plant a seed with somebody of the three of us. And Nat Attack, if you want to throw in. That might lead somewhere. What if you put out an anonymous suggestion box, as if you didn't create the box to say, let's figure out the best way to say goodbye to Celia. Open to suggestions.

[Celia]

I like it. Only problem is we're virtual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Virtual?

[Celia]

Yes. I work remotely.

[Jake Johnson]

So, wait, what is this? What is this goodbye party gonna look like.

[Celia]

A Covid Zoom party or how.

[Jake Johnson]

Many people work at the company?

[Celia]

Well, on my team were about eight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

People, so we couldn't create a fake person named. Yeah, I think. Yeah, I would have gone there.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you. Are you good friends with anyone? Like, good friends.

[Celia]

Good friends with my boss. Yeah, I would say I'm good friends with two of them and like close work friends with the other six.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me. Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, just like how close with the boss?

[Celia]

Like my sister in law is like best friends with his wife and so we're like, like in amongst kind of the same there it is. Friend group.

[Jake Johnson]

There it and there it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wouldn't be so confident.

[Jake Johnson]

Trust and the path shall present itself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the worst version of Eric saying, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

[Jake Johnson]

That's your in. You're in is to get your sister in law in total confidence to suggest to the boss to throw a party or ask about the party they're gonna throw for you and light the fuse for the boss to be like, oh, shit, I gotta do this.

[Celia]

Yes. Yes.

[Freddie]

Okay.

[Celia]

You're so right.

[Jake Johnson]

If you had a beard, you'd be stroking it, Jake. I might have been three minutes late, but I'm gonna clock off three minutes early. If that's okay with you, chief. This one's good to go. Let me know how it goes. Celia. Thanks. Gotta bless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you clicked out of Zoom, you would be my favorite person. And shut off the recording.

[Jake Johnson]

I never came back for the rest of the day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Natalie goes like, he's honestly signed out.

[Jake Johnson]

His phone goes right to voicemail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. See, I think that could work. That's a pretty straightforward way. Do you want other pitches or do you like that? That seems pretty clean, but I think there's crazier ways to get there. For me personally, I don't think I would want to ask my sister in law for help on it involving another person takes away, you know, it's like, will you please throw me a surprise party so I can act surprised. It's like I just wanted the surprise party. Now it will work. If you go to sister in law, you're getting a surprise party. But it's a little hat in hand. It's a little. Can I get a cup of soup too?

[Jake Johnson]

Husband does.

[Celia]

Does it? Yes, husband does.

[Jake Johnson]

It's more into secrecy.

[Celia]

Like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it.

[Celia]

The in person is like one of the flakiest people ever. And so I don't even know if he would do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have an idea.

[Celia]

Suggested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have an idea.

[Freddie]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The closest person you said was the. This the boss?

[Celia]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You go up man or woman? So it's a. The boss. What's the boss's name?

[Celia]

Fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's go.

[Celia]

We'll go with John.

[Gareth Reynolds]

John. Walk up to John and Go. Hey, I heard rumblings about the surprise party for me for my going away, and I just want to say I really appreciate the idea of a party. That would be fun, but I don't love surprises, so whatever you guys are doing, will you just run it by me?

[Freddie]

I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, yeah, well, go. You don't love spin. He goes, when you go. Well, literally, because this is what I do for my job. I want to make sure everybody has a good time at the party. So I definitely don't need to plan it. But just let me know, and I'll kind of let you know what I think, if that's cool. And then if I still need to act like it's a surprise, I will. And he's not going to go on and saying who's throwing the surprise party, because everybody needs to act like they already know the plan.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he'll go like this. Oh, yeah, definitely. And then he'll send an email around going, hey, guys, no surprise party for Celia. Let's come up with some ideas. But what do you think of that idea?

[Celia]

I like that. Yes, that would be. It would throw him off for sure. And it would probably get him thinking about what I want to be thinking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he'll go, oh, I gotta throw this party for her.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And.

[Celia]

Yeah, that's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you. And he's not the kind of guy who would say, who. Who's talking about it, is he?

[Celia]

Maybe. I think he would be. I think he would pretend that he knew what was going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So do I. Because you want to know why? He's the boss.

[Celia]

Yeah, he's good at that. Yeah. Or maybe even if it wasn't necessarily a party, I. I would be. Could do it like. Like you're gonna do something for me, like, oh, I heard you guys are doing something for me like, oh, you don't need to make it big like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or, yes, I heard rumble. Go ahead, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, what do you picture this party like? Is this gonna be like an in person after work drink session?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Garrett, she's afraid there's gonna be nothing.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, but is that what you're picturing in your dream? Your dream case scenario?

[Sponsor/Announcer]

What is he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Yeah, what is your ideal such scenario?

[Celia]

I would like. I would like a card, a little gift, and just a heartfelt goodbye, like, thanks, you're great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, so I go to the.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a pitch. Go ahead, order it for yourself. Order it for yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you remember what this show Is.

[Jake Johnson]

No, order it for yourself. And when it's there, thank everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a bad idea.

[Jake Johnson]

Let them sort themselves out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So weird. But actually not. Why? You know, it's really. What do you think, actually?

[Celia]

So I put out a message and like, hey, we're getting. This is a good bike.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no, no. Have flowers, a bottle of. A bottle of dram buoy and a 25 gift certificate. Dollar gift certificate to Lowe's. And you go, so. Hey, I just want to say I've really enjoyed working with you. I got the gift. Thank you guys so much. That's really nice. Thank you. And read the card. And it Read the card.

[Celia]

That. That is probably the most sure way that what would. What I want to happen would happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a little.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a block.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a little different with what you're asking, though.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a lock.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Celia]

So, hey, I want other people to, like, recognize.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta say, that was pretty clear. Yeah, you made that pretty clear. Hey, Gareth, last weekend you took ayahuasca.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Two days ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How's it. How's it going, brother?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. I'm sort of re. Acclimating to this climate, and it's going pretty good. Time is kind of not a thing. And neither is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Neither is it premises.

[Jake Johnson]

Neither is a premise or an ass. It's not my thing anymore. But, buddy. God, I love you though, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love.

[Jake Johnson]

Love your. I love your spark and your spirit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about the hat?

[Jake Johnson]

I love your hat. I love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think what we're.

[Jake Johnson]

I love you, Celia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think what we're looking for here, Celia. Celia. Is how do we get them to throw you a party? I don't think you want to buy yourself a party and throw your little apart.

[Celia]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That feels like a very interesting pitch in like an alternative universe kind of thing. Yeah, that would be if you called and said, hey, I'm thinking of. I'm going away. I want to throw myself a party and make people feel really weird about it. Then I'd go, gareth has the idea for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Weird here to help. Like you said. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Weird Here to help by. Hosted by Steve Berg and Eric Kettlestein, coming this Friday, maybe. So back to you, the star of our show, NAT Attack. Celia, what are you thinking? So what do you think about a fake mislead? What do you think about where we're kind of starting? Chime in a little bit, get us back on track. Where are we at here?

[Celia]

I think the strongest pitch so far, I hate to say it is. Garrett's with going through the sister in law. So why do you hate to say it?

[Jake Johnson]

What does that mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, no, because it's just using another person.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you're. That's the one.

[Celia]

And you relate to the call. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but look at this.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a way that they just go on yours.

[Celia]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're the best.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't like the antagonism.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's the best. So here's my question to you then. If you're going to go to sister in law, how you going to do it?

[Celia]

I mean, maybe I, I could just pitch it like I pitched it to you guys. Like, I'm afraid that nobody's gonna like even notice I'm leaving. And then she'll. She's really good at this. She's like me. She, she does gifts and she does so. And she would like definitely put a bug in my boss's ear.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I think I got a pitch on how you do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, do go out for like ask her if she wants to go have like a couple drinks or something like that. Right? You go have a couple glass of wine. You say towards the end, I gotta tell you, I. The this weird part of me really wants like them to do something nice for me going away. I'm kind of nervous that they want won't. The craziest thing I did was I called a freaking podcast and they were like, have you tell the boss. And I was like, that's too embarrassing and she'll go with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a great way to do it. Because the one thing I don't like about this is it feels pandering. It's like, I don't like you going to your sister in law being like, I really want this special thing I'm afraid they want. Will you help me? And she'll go like, sure. Then she's gonna go to your boss and say like, you gotta do something for our. Why? That's just embarrassing. Like, you know, it's like parents forcing all the kids to go to a birthday party. It's like, just trust some kids are gonna come. You got the bounce house, you're getting cake and pizza. Someone's gonna show. You don't have to call and go. Like, I'm just really afraid no one's gonna come to Maddie's birthday party. Everybody likes Maddie. It is on you. Correct?

[Celia]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So if you're gonna talk to.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I forgot what I was saying.

[Jake Johnson]

I know. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I went with the NBA analyst and decided to just talk Slower. While I was trying to find the.

[Jake Johnson]

How good is it when they try to try to find your train of thought by stammering?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because he plays defense.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, wait, another thing, Greg. You're like, thank God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And defense, that's gonna win a game. Okay, now you gotta score more points.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, now where you started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so now where you started. Okay, so here, here's where I would go with it. I would do Garrett's pitch where we go to. You go to your sister in law and use us as an excuse. Maybe we make a quick little video to her. Maybe we do an audio clip and you just text it to say this is ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I called in a podcast and they asked if they could send you a little audio clip. And we asked, go ahead, G. We.

[Jake Johnson]

Could make a clip where we pitch it and she goes, that's insane. I'm not doing that. And she plays that for her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we say, send it to her right now.

[Jake Johnson]

Send this to her. Put it on us. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think of something like that?

[Celia]

I would love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you? Okay. And then what? Okay, great. So should we do that now? Send you the audio clip and then you just text that to your sister in law?

[Celia]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so why don't I start it? I'll make it concise. You say, I actually like that. I think you should do that. And then Celia, you say, I don't know if I can ask her to do that. That feels kind of weird. Something like that.

[Celia]

Perfect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And do you want to do it as us or other characters names?

[Jake Johnson]

No, stop. They.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They let it go 2 let it girl. I mean, but she loves new girl.

[Jake Johnson]

So she's a fan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So she might like Piggly and No.

[Freddie]

What up y'?

[Celia]

All.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But if she likes new, she might really love these two doctors gone who host a fictional.

[Jake Johnson]

They're in chappaquidding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Shall we do this?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. So you're going to just text this to your sister in law.

[Celia]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Or you could even do the couple of drinks. Play it for there. You could do that as well. But either way, we'll give you a concise clip where you play the good cop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's why I like text for the show but you're the boss. Then we could see the response because you're not going to play it on the phone and film it it. And we got a. We got a guy out in Greenland who listens to this on a pretty regular basis. I would like that person to be entertained.

[Jake Johnson]

We could have her Send it to the sister in law to play at the drinks and she could secretly record it. The reaction afterwards getting a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You always lean to others.

[Jake Johnson]

I like to lean into others.

[Celia]

I got. I'm not going to see my sister in law in person before I quit my job.

[Jake Johnson]

Here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Perfect. Here we go in Greenland. Right on. Thanks for listening.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Much love.

[Jake Johnson]

Much love to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dying for a visit. Three, two, one.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I, this is what I would do. I would talk to your sister in law, say to her, look, I'm a little worried that I'm not going to get any kind of going away present prize party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You would talk to the sister in law?

[Jake Johnson]

I would, I would, I would just say, look, you know the boss, I'm worried I'm not going to get anything. Will you nudge my boss and just have, have the boss have her nudge the boss on your behalf without her saying it came from you. And then the boss will do it.

[Celia]

That's kind of, I feel like that's embarrassing where I'm like asking for them to do something for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I kind of think it's a little embarrassing too. Oh, Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

I think it's a really good idea and you should do it. I thought you were going to co sign it. I thought the whole thing was you were going to say yes to it too. Jake, what happened to you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't love it. I didn't love it while we were doing it because I'll tell you why. Job. It was Hungari it acting gig and you did a great job. You sold it so well.

[Jake Johnson]

I script.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know it because I believed it so well. You were not hamming it up. You were there and I thought, what are we sending? This is why people hate Pigley and Mo. This is insane. People are. She's going to get a text and go, wait, what is this? You called a podcast because you didn't want to pander, but now you're pandering, wondering, and then I'm gonna listen to the podcast and go, this is ridiculous.

[Jake Johnson]

You're blowing, you're blowing up a sale. We had a sale, but it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we were selling a lemon.

[Jake Johnson]

So what? Let her walk off the lot. What are you talking about? If she drives it, we're good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The second she leaves, she leaves a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

We're fine. The attorney's gonna cost more than the lemon. What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, when you're right, you're right. I've more wrong in my life. But t. I think it's a Bad plan.

[Freddie]

Ah, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really do. I think, look, if you're embarrassed about pandering a little bit and you're embarrassed, I think asking the sister in law is a copout. I don't think you call into our show looking for a way to do it and then the end result is just ask the boss's friend, who's a friend of yours for help. Of course you could do that. You don't have to call in a podcast to ask that. That's just called doing it.

[Celia]

Yeah, it's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you called in because you're looking for a funky way to do it. A funky way to do it is to write an anonymous email from a fake account that goes to everybody saying RSVP for her going away party.

[Jake Johnson]

Eight person team. They're going to be like, who is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Send. Listen, who's sharing? Send an Evite from Sharon to everybody about your going away party. And when you click the link, nothing comes up. So everybody goes like, did you get that link? And you go, what is her party? And go, who's throwing her apart? And then somebody will go, you know what?

[Jake Johnson]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got to do something for her.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I actually like, but I'm not. I don't know how evites work necessarily. Think they're stupid, but merch, you could send an Evite and just. I think this actually is okay. I. I don't know how. You don't have to sign the Evite. You can just say, hey, Celia is going away potluck style party. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please bring a card, something like that. And just say something nice.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know where. I don't know where it's all going to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do not tell Celia. It's going to be a surprise. I would do it like that. And here's why. Where do you want the party to be?

[Jake Johnson]

She don't want to party.

[Celia]

Everything's remote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everything is. This is even easier. Even easier. Surprise. Zoom. Goodbye party for Celia on this date in this time. Please don't mention it to anybody. Just RSVP here, here. We want to keep it really quiet. We're just going to all go around and say something about her. We appreciate and that's it. But we don't want her to know. So please, please, please keep it a secret.

[Jake Johnson]

And then maybe to the boss, you know, Larry, can you, can you send a card or a gift card or something like that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's right.

[Celia]

And then as a part of the evite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, I wouldn't do that. That I won't do that. No, I think you just need to.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Wait and see if a gift shows up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't. I think that's arranged for it. I. I agree with you can't. And then you go, well, who is he giving that money to?

[Jake Johnson]

I don't. I mean, I don't want. I would love money, but I don't want money. Okay, all right, Sharon. Why don't I like the potluck? Well, let's all get her something. We could show her on Zoom and she'll collect it at a later date.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but no, because then you need somebody to organize the collecting of all that money, and then they're going to ask questions who need money.

[Jake Johnson]

Little something something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just shut up on that hill of yours with ayahuasca.

[Jake Johnson]

She. She was driving off the lot. So don't get mad at me when I come over here working on your deal. She was off the lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who do you think the long haired guy with the beard was at the ceremony, buddy? That was me.

[Jake Johnson]

My God. Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why do you think I was wearing Ray Bans?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, the guy who kept crapping his pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, and I didn't even drink the potion.

[Jake Johnson]

I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gone to Taco Bell earlier. So what do you think of that now? If you like the other car, I'll still sell you the Corsica my old man used to sell city. You want to go back and make the car? We'll take it. We'll take A. Take 2. We'll give it to. We'll get you a little clip. We can give it to the sister in law. We'll be done in 30 seconds. I'll even say, this is Jake Johnson. I played Nick Miller on New Girl if you want.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, now he's sweetening the lemon. Deal. No, she's not driving that car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What car you want to buy? You already put her in another car.

[Jake Johnson]

She's falling in love with her. Why are you talking her out of your deal? Let her get off the. Let her get off the lot, Johnson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you why, Gareth. If a Cl. If a customer is happy, they come back. I care. Care.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Gotcha.

[Celia]

I think. I think this will be a weird story. I can tell for a long time if I send an anonymous card for myself to all my co workers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a. It's a. I think if I work.

[Celia]

With the sister in law. Yes. And it's funny. And I'll be like, look at this card. They all signed for me. I instigated it. And then if they do they might do something else on top of that. Who knows?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if they don't, they're just weird. But you've done great stuff.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you're. It's called card fishing. That's what you're doing. And it's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's a nice thing that. Something. We could kind of start here. That. That's not a weird thing.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a nice thing. She said.

[Celia]

I'm a words of affirmation gal. I'm a words of affirmation galaxy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what it makes me think of? And I know that this is going to derail us a little bit, but this whole idea of self love masturbating, it's in that zone. You're just masturbating with others.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Celia, so thanks for calling. Why don't you let us know which one you'd like to use and. And let the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think that necessarily needs to end the episode. Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

It's not the episode, it's the call. I mean, it's. It's time. She's in the car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This will probably.

[Jake Johnson]

She's in the car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Car. She's in the car.

[Jake Johnson]

She's in the car. The car started. She's got it. She's got it in D. And you're talking about jacking off. Let's just let her go, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bought. My other salesman did ayahuasca a couple days ago, and I was the shaman. I was the shaman in cut off jeans and Ray Bans.

[Jake Johnson]

It's helping Celia. You feel good about that? Sorry about the masturbating part. Everything else feel good?

[Celia]

Yes. This is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, when I think about an astro van.

[Celia]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got one on the lot. Got about 100, 000 miles on it. If I got my guys in the shop to give two hours, which I could give 150. You trade inside.

[Jake Johnson]

But catch you inside the. Let's. Let's get you off the floor for a little while. Let's get you in the office for a little bit, okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My grandmother died this morning.

[Freddie]

It's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's starting to show. Starting to show. My guy. You're a great guy. It's like an hour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Celia, what do you think of your game plan? Starting your own thing, sending it around, seeing what happens. Are you going to do this?

[Celia]

Yes, I'm gonna do it. If I can find the right technology, I'll send it to y'.

[Freddie]

All.

[Celia]

And this is kind of. This is on brand for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

There we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're happy?

[Celia]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gara, should we be happy with this sales? Should we close.

[Jake Johnson]

Close the deal? Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to. So. So I'm putting a contract in front of you, Celia. You want to sign it? It's also a hell of an astro. Okay, you're signing it. All right.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Great. You signed it.

[Celia]

Here, kid.

[Jake Johnson]

Celia, you're gonna be really happy. You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a 97 Fiesta.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Breaks are bad. Take care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no back.

[Celia]

Take care.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's 11, honey.

[Jake Johnson]

It's 11, babe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're off the lock, kid.

[Jake Johnson]

There's a rat inside the car. It lives in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A family of rats in your family of rats?

[Jake Johnson]

Pants in the tailpipe. Good luck, babe. Thank you, Celia.

[Celia]

Thanks. All right, take care. Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Jesse, will you start this one? Sure. Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Freddie]

Hello. Welcome back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know this voice. Welcome back to the show.

[Jake Johnson]

This is sweet Jesse. I just got a new nickname. You're here with Jake and Garrett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sherlock. Sorry, what can we do for you?

[Freddie]

Hello, lads. It's Freddie. This is a follow up from a while ago. How are you both?

[Jake Johnson]

Good. How are you?

[Freddie]

Yeah, good. Yeah, not too bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Freddie, we missed you like crazy. Remind us all what the first call was.

[Freddie]

Sure. So the first call was about how do I tell my parents about getting circumcised or if I tell them at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. And then remind us why you wanted to get circumcised as an adult. You didn't like the cheese. Huh?

[Jake Johnson]

Didn't like the cheese.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Freddie]

Too much cheddar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Too much cheddar. So. And then you decided, enough's enough. You're going to snap. Snippet.

[Freddie]

My. My wife and I are currently trying for a baby. And so in the process of that, it became apparent that I needed to get it done.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Respect. First of all, how's it going with the attempts? Any good news with you and the wifey?

[Freddie]

Well, that was part of the follow up. The very good news is that we've just found out she's pregnant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congratulations. Which is Gareth.

[Freddie]

So that's a bell ring for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congrats. And the. I wouldn't say the bigger news, probably the smaller news, but bigger news for us. What's going on with that dick? My king.

[Jake Johnson]

And did the pitch work?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, so the pitch.

[Freddie]

So the pitch he gave. After lots of copy rhyming slang, back and forth, we decided on basically just telling my dad. Not telling, like telling him directly. Trying to have a bit of a straight up conversation with him about it. And then.

[Jake Johnson]

And then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, Freddie, Freddie, what was the buildup of that again? What were you. I remember we practiced. What were you going to say to your dad? Didn't you do both voices at some point?

[Freddie]

Well, at the end of it, I ended up doing both voices, yeah. You both had a go at being my dad as well? Well, you know, yeah, probably. I know him, so that has helped.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so in the end, it was. You were just gonna be a straight shooter and tell him and that in the reenactment your dad was cool with it, right?

[Freddie]

In the reenactment, he was cool with it. And, and. And in the court and in the call that we had, he was cool with it as well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you did it?

[Freddie]

I did it, yeah. I. I committed. It took me a little bit of time to sort of build up to it, but eventually I. A couple of weeks ago and got him on the phone and we were talking about some other stuff and then. And I went, by the way, I've been sort of seeing a doctor and this is a thing that's happened. I don't want you to tell mom everything's fine. I don't want you to tell Mum about it just yet. I just wanted you to be aware because it's a surgery. I don't want you guys to be worrying or like, not to know that I'd undergone something, but this is what's happening. And he was very. He was very cool about the whole thing. He was very sweet. He said his words back to me where he's like, you might look at yourself a bit differently. Which I thought was a very sweet, sweet sort of response to it.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. So. So wait, you said this happened a couple weeks ago, that you had the talk with him?

[Freddie]

Yeah, I had the consult with him a couple of weeks ago.

[Jake Johnson]

And then in the. In the interim, did you have the snipping?

[Freddie]

No, no, we're still with it. God bless the nhs. It's a fantastic thing. I'm never going, like, flag it off in any way, but I'm on waiting lists at the moment, so it's not going to be for a while yet.

[Jake Johnson]

But you're pretty sure wife is pregnant, so you still are going ahead with it, even outside of needing it for the pregnancy?

[Freddie]

For sure. Yeah. I think. I think overall it's going to be a net positive. It's going to be better for my life going forward.

[Jake Johnson]

It's also weird to have that conversation with your dad where you tell him you're keeping the foreskin.

[Freddie]

Exactly, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You've already done it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, if you have a son, you guys can do it together.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's true. That's.

[Freddie]

What a sweet bonding moment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You could hold your son while he's getting his. Somebody could do yours.

[Jake Johnson]

Imagine the doctor. I actually won't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You could do one of these. I know there's been a big wait for this, but I got you. Here, Two for the price of one while I'm here.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that cool, doc?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, snip the little one and the big one.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that cool, sir?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Yes. Will you. Really fast, just for our enjoyment, will you do a reenactment of the call with your dad from both sides? So to the best of your ability to remember, because we didn't get that recorded, so we can just kind of pretend to hear it from.

[Freddie]

From both sides. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you could.

[Freddie]

Sure. Okay. All right. So just one other. Just one other thing that I wanted to say is I. Oh, it's not bad news, is it? I was like, no, no, it's all fine. It's all. Don't worry about it. I panic. Yeah. So I've been to the doctors recently, and it turns out that. How am I gonna say? I just. Just come out and say it. I need to get circumcised. And he's like, oh, okay. Okay. How do you feel about that? I was like, yeah, yeah. I mean, good. I mean, that's what the doctors recommended, and I think it's gonna sort of improve my life at the end of the day, so I think it's the right way forward. He's like, okay, well, look, I'm sorry if you've been undergoing any discomfort or anything, and I hope you. Well, I hope it goes, like, let me know. I was like, well, look, don't tell Mum. I just wanted to let you know because we've got, obviously, stuff coming up, and I know it's surgery. It's a medical procedure, so I didn't want you guys to be, like, hear about it after the fact or, like, be worried about me or anything. So don't tell Mum about it and we'll work it. Like, I'll let you know how I get on, but it's not going to be for a while anyway, so. I know. I know you had it done. He's. I mean, how do you work? Well, I got it when I was four, so I don't. I don't really. It's like. To be honest, it's one of my first memories. It was quite a traumatic Memory for me, really. Because it wasn't very nice back then, so. But I've not known any different, so I'm doing very well. So look, if. If you're feeling. If this is what you want to do, then I fully. Like. I won't tell you mother. And it will take from there.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you talking about in there.

[Freddie]

That's exactly how it went.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Freddie]

She started.

[Jake Johnson]

She started yelling, we should let you go. But your dad got it at 4.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy.

[Freddie]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Going on over there.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know. There's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he didn't do it to you.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, because. Because they did it so late to him. It was a horrendous memory. He was like, I'm not putting my.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's like, I remember. You're not supposed to remember it. That's the whole thing.

[Freddie]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the reason why they did they bang.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Literally. This thing wouldn't exist if we were like, at nine. The boys circum. No, this is.

[Jake Johnson]

What the Wham. All right, he's already crying. Let him cry a little harder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exactly. And he can't talk yet.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. He can't tell you what's going on in my penis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm surprised they didn't tackle this. And look who's talking. Talking.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, they made eight of them. We probably didn't make it to the end of the series, so maybe they did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They really should have done the. Who was it? John Travolta was the voice?

[Jake Johnson]

No, Bruce Willis voice. Travolta. Dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So Bruce coming out gone. They probably did. And it was probably in a trailer.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Freddie]

Whoa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put that knife away. Oh, Coming this summer.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm gonna need that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, movie trailers used to be the funniest. They were so cheesy. Movie children.

[Jake Johnson]

We were growing cheesier than a foreskin. Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The French love it. Freddy. This feels like. I ring the bell. You're getting ready. You're talk to your dad. You got a baby coming. Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Bell, courtesy of Caddyshack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then will you follow up with us after the procedure so we know how it went? I'm really curious how that is as an. I don't know if you know this, but Gareth just got his butthole in the waxed.

[Jake Johnson]

Jake. I was gonna push the ass.

[Freddie]

I just. I just listen. I just listened to those couple of episodes actually, where you were talking about it, and yeah, it sounds. Sounds. Sounds like a crazy experience for a start. But also you say. Well, you saying about, like, the. Afterwards. It has helped him and That's. That has sort of opened my eyes a little bit. Like while I'm there, lot.

[Jake Johnson]

It's everything. Unless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa. Are we talking, Freddy? What we think we're talking. You gonna wax back, Freddy?

[Jake Johnson]

It could be a good primer to a circumcision. Get yourself used to a little bit of that little pain.

[Freddie]

Just clean, clean, clean the lot off.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Freddy, if you get a wax my guy, will you call back?

[Freddie]

Of course. Of course I will, Jake.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I. Jake, are you just going.

[Freddie]

To try and rack up as many waxes as possible?

[Jake Johnson]

Interested?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm very interested in follow ups where different callers just call in to say they got their butts waxed and how is their bathroom experience?

[Jake Johnson]

It's. I'll tell you, it's. It's better. I'll probably go back for it. I know I said I wouldn't. Really, I really think I might do. Really, I might. I already got a woman. We have a connection. She saw me in the Cannonball. She ripped it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You really might do this?

[Jake Johnson]

I really might.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

Now here's a crazy idea. Jake, tell me if you think this is crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy what you literally just said.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, I'm about to crazy the crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Should we ask Freddy to record an audio file of when he goes in for it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. And will you record an audio file of when you get circumcised?

[Freddie]

That might just be a bit more anesthetic burbling, so I don't know how good that'll be, but I can, I can record afterwards while I'm high on drugs.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you fully out? They put you fully out for it, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh?

[Freddie]

I think they. I think they put you fully out for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, they don't do it to the babies.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little guys got to feel it. You D4 at a shot of whiskey.

[Jake Johnson]

Freddy, if they don't put you fully out. If they don't put you fully out. Do you mind?

[Freddie]

Yeah, sure. Happily.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Fred, what do you think about getting this butt waxed in the meantime?

[Freddie]

Yeah, it could be. Could. Could make for an interesting bit of something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Summer, will you record it and follow up with us and we'll just do a little talk to another man about a bare butt and how it's going for you?

[Freddie]

Sure. If I do it, you'll be the first people I tell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hope so.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Freddy. And if you do do it, get the front mo guy, enjoy yourself, do the whole works. Get it going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also, I'm gonna say this to any man out there that gets a wax. Waxing. Email the show.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not against men sending us. I'm not against us having men send us audio files of their waxing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Send the audio files. Or if you just want to send us a voice note about the experience, just send it in, guys. Yeah, I don't know, ladies. Sorry.

[Jake Johnson]

Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's.

[Jake Johnson]

But it'd be creepy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't want. Yeah, it's different.

[Jake Johnson]

We can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But this. As James Brown said, it's a man's world on this one.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I think it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wouldn't be nothing without the woman.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it is a man's world here.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, Freddy. Thanks, bud. Congratulations and look forward to your snipping.

[Freddie]

Thank you, lads. Appreciate you both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, brother.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congrats on.

[Jake Johnson]

Bye.

[Freddie]

Cheers. Cheers, boys. Bye.

[Celia]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, we're here. Toes. This is sweet Jesse here to remind you to cast your vote in the friendship game. If you haven't listened to episode 202, get in there and meet the contestants. Polls are still open and I gotta tell you, it's neck and neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions Executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The comedy cover artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. And season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

20Th.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Go to patreon.com forward/heretohelpod.

[Jake Johnson]

What's up, everybody?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Kyle Mooney.

[Jake Johnson]

And what's up, everybody?

[Freddie]

I'm back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bell and man. Ooh, I got. We got something to tell you.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a brand new podcast on Headgum.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Freddie]

And it's called what's our Podcast?

[Jake Johnson]

Yep. And that's because we don't have a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Single idea what our podcast should be about.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we don't. So we actually have guests come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they tell us what they think.

[Freddie]

Our podcast should be about. And then we try at. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany Brosi, Kate, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Ball. Landon Axler, Joy, Joanie McGre. And Dender.

[Freddie]

And Dender.

[Jake Johnson]

New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To what's our podcast on YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I'm going to go do it right now.