207: Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji

Summary

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We're Here to Help

Episode 207: Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji Laughing Emoji
September 15, 2025
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Special Guest: Dan Johnson
Key Callers: Paige (van update), Chrissy/Christy (Canadian neighbor dilemma)

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Episode Overview

This episode of We're Here to Help features two main arcs:

1. A lighthearted, celebratory follow-up with Paige and Jake's brother Dan about the now-famed “We’re Here to Help” van, its adventures, and a surprise proposal.
2. An in-depth, hilarious, and ultimately successful coaching session with Canadian caller “Chrissy/Christy,” who seeks advice on tactfully addressing her retired neighbor’s penchant for topless sex worker visitors—a situation complicated by her inquisitive young children and small-town living.

Throughout, the episode is peppered with the hosts’ signature self-deprecating humor, punchy improv bits, and a recurring riff on emoji and passive-aggressive neighborly texting.

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1. Paige, Dan, and the Journey of the "We're Here to Help" Van

[04:01–16:40]

Key Points

• Paige returns to give an update on the van, now wrapped in the show’s colorful logo after the hosts’ prior advice to combat its “creepy plumber van” energy.
• The van, driven daily by Paige’s boyfriend Connor, now garners local fan encounters.
• Paige and Dan (Jake’s brother) recount a key appearance at Ravinia, a prominent music venue and festival, culminating in a “family gathering” by the van at a Maren Morris concert.
  • Notable moment: Dan, in true character, climbs onto the van for “action shots,” declares it “the best vehicle in the greater Chicagoland region” ([06:09]).
• The segment crescendos with the surprise reveal: Connor proposed to Paige the day after Ravinia.
  • The hosts riff about Dan nearly spoiling the engagement by repeatedly alluding to marriage before the proposal, then twice offering to officiate their wedding—potentially on the van roof ([13:03]).
  • Extended bits about best man (or “best van”) duties, the storied “vest,” and Dan’s seriousness as an officiant (“He does take it very seriously. Yes. It will be way more sincere than you expect. He will be as weird as ever at the party after.” – Jake, [13:27]).
  • Visual hijinks: Dan’s overzealous photo ops atop the van, amidst a crowd including a bachelorette party ([10:06]).

Notable Quotes

• Dan: “It might be the best vehicle in the greater Chicagoland region at this point.” ([06:10])
• Paige (on Dan): “Now that I’ve met him, I get it.” ([06:33])
• Jake: “If my brother officiates your wedding, I would love to come.” ([13:09])
• Dan: “The honor cannot be beaten. I am a man of God, and I would love nothing more than to unite you two in holy matrimony—on top of the van.” ([13:03]–[13:05])

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2. Chrissy’s Dilemma: My Neighbor, The Daytime Sex Worker Enthusiast

[22:00–70:51]

Background

“Chrissy” (later recapping as “Christy”) is a mother of two (ages 3 and 5), living in a small rural town on Vancouver Island. Her neighbor—a single, senior gentleman—regularly hires local “ladies of the day” who congregate, sometimes topless, on his deck. The real challenge: Chrissy’s young children are fascinated—offering flowers, asking questions about “boo-boos” (mispronounced “boobies”)—and there’s worry about safety after some sketchy, possibly related thefts in the area.

Main Talking Points

2.1. Setting the Scene and Initial Wild Stories

[22:12–34:57]

• Chrissy describes her neighbor’s habits: frequent day visits from “small town” sex workers, sometimes more than one at once (notably, during power outages), with “boobs out” on the adjacent deck ([23:29–24:06]).
  • Jake and Gareth riff on the oddity of daytime, small-town escorts and the “rough” aesthetic (“they look like they’ve been maybe working, you know, 40, 50 years doing this.” – Chrissy, [29:49])
  • Initial incident: Chrissy once filmed a suspicious “visitor” due to theft fears, accidentally texting the neighbor, sparking a bizarre but good-humored emoji-filled exchange.

Notable Bit:

Jake and Gareth break down the surrealism of the neighbor’s response, who thanks Chrissy for scaring away his “friend” and remains unbothered by the illicit context, sending back a string of “laughing/crying emojis.” ([27:17–27:42])

2.2. Addressing the Kids and the Absurdity of the Situation

[34:57–44:30]

• Chrissy’s core question: How to keep the kids from getting overly familiar with the topless guests, and what to tell them?
• The hosts’ advice veers between comedic and earnest:
  • Jake: “Your kids shouldn’t be asking them questions and bringing them flowers. This is a get-away-from-me situation…” ([30:44])
  • Both agree: it’s time for a friendly but direct neighborly message.
• The trio workshop the language, aiming for comedic but clear boundaries (“Could you do me a neighborly favor and ask the hookers to stay inside your house if they’re underdressed? That would be very helpful for me.” – Jake, [34:57])
• Extended riff: How many laughing face emojis are too many—or not enough—to soften an awkward message? ([43:49])

2.3. The Real-Time Message Draft and Send

[44:30–45:28]

• In a truly meta moment, Chrissy opens Facebook Messenger and, with the hosts’ live input, crafts and sends a carefully worded note:
  • “But my kids are starting to ask a lot of questions that I frankly don’t have the answers for 😂😂😂😂😂. For example, my son is commenting about boobies that he sees bare on your patio from our patio…” ([44:30])

2.4. The Resolution & Neighbor’s Response

[45:28–70:51]

• Steve (the neighbor) replies quickly—first with a laugh react, and then, in classic small-town style, feigns ignorance about any toplessness: “As far as naked ladies on my deck, I really can’t ever remember any topless chicks in my backyard. [...] But I’ll make sure their tops stay on. 😂😂🤷‍♀️” ([46:06–47:00]).
• Chrissy and the hosts analyze the continued passive-aggressive layers—everyone’s using emojis to take the edge off very direct talk.
  • The hosts note this is peak Canadian conflict avoidance meets emoji arsenal.

Follow-Up & Bell Ring Moment

• Three days after the call, there’s a power outage. Steve brings in his friends… but keeps them inside and closes the balcony door ([66:16–66:31]).
• Later, they have a slightly awkward face-to-face (“Thankfully, he didn’t bring up the hookers.” – Chrissy, [66:54]), and Steve tries to distract from the issue by gossiping about another neighbor's alleged money laundering.
• The hosts officially call this a win, a “bell ring” moment (show’s tradition for successful resolutions), since Chrissy’s core request is achieved—no more topless guests in full view. ([66:31–68:09])

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Humor is rapid-fire throughout, but a few lines stand out:

• Chrissy (on neighbor’s guests): “They look like they’ve been maybe working, you know, 40, 50 years doing this.” ([29:49])
• Jake: “Your kids shouldn’t be asking them questions and bringing them flowers.” ([30:44])
• Jake (on emojification): “LOL. Can you keep the neighborhood a little safer? LOL. See you around. Heart emoji.” ([35:33])
• Gareth (on messaging): “The amount of cry-laughing emojis... it’s insane. This conversation in any regular person be like, ‘Hey, why don’t you guys just have an honest conversation?’” ([56:02])
• Jake (after follow-up): “He’s keeping the hookers inside. I think we’re on a bell ring.” ([66:31])
• Chrissy: “I was ready to parmesan that deck.” ([67:34])
• Gareth: “How concerned should I be? Laughing emoji. She seems a little elderly. Question mark.” ([53:10])
• Chrissy: “They’re gonna be inside in their warmer habitat.” ([69:00])

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4. Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:01] Paige re-intro, van update, meet Dan Johnson
• [06:36] Paige gets invited to bring van to Ravinia
• [08:03] Proposal story revealed
• [13:03] Dan’s officiant offers; “on top of the van” riff
• [16:40] Segment transition; main caller “Chrissy” (“Christy”) intro
• [22:12] Chrissy details neighbor’s sex worker visits
• [23:29] “Ladies of the day” sunbathing topless; impact on curious kids
• [29:49] “Small town escort” banter
• [34:57] Decision to message neighbor; emoji strategy
• [44:30] The message is sent live
• [46:06–47:00] Neighbor’s reply (“never topless chicks in backyard… but I’ll make sure their tops stay on 😂😂🤷‍♀️”)
• [66:16] Power outage test—neighbor keeps friends indoors
• [68:09] Official bell ring: “I feel it’s a win.”
• [69:00] Chrissy: “They’re gonna be inside in their warmer habitat.”

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5. Takeaways & Tone

• Tone: Fast, irreverent, improvisational—a mix of heartfelt encouragement and comedy of the awkward.
• Takeaway Lessons:
  • Clear, direct communication (even when buffered by 12 laughing emojis) often works, even in the weirdest neighbor situations.
  • Small town life + big personalities = big stories.
  • The We're Here to Help approach isn’t about perfect advice, but about camaraderie and creative problem-solving—with a comedic twist.
• Hosts’ Role: Jake and Gareth are guide/facilitators, supportive but always ready to chase a tangent or milk an over-the-top visual. Dan Johnson adds fraternal chaos, whether climbing vans or offering to marry strangers.
• Pop Culture Tie-In: Frequent references to TV shows (“My Strange Addiction”), light meta-commentary on the medium itself, and a running gag on emojis in digital-age communication.

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6. Conclusion

This episode blends palpable humanity, mobius-loop comedic bits, and genuine advice in equal measure. Whether you want the saga of a community van that helps (sort of) or a masterclass in how to text your neighbor about his topless guests, We're Here to Help delivers—a reminder that sometimes, the best you can do is add five laugh-cry emojis and hope your neighbor keeps his parties inside.

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For future topics or to be on the show, email [e-mail].

Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are back. We have a really unique intro today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why?

[Jake Johnson]

Because what we just did. Gareth and was not attacked.

[Dan Johnson]

Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm playing it for mania. I play for the audience. They weren't there. They hear that next.

[Jake Johnson]

We just did a big follow up with Paige.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've been on talk show. It's the tease. Please play the game, man. Good lord.

[Dan Johnson]

What do you mean you brought a guitar for me? I'm shocked. But sure, I could play it for you.

[Jake Johnson]

I hate to tease. And then I hate when the guest goes like, you want me to sing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love.

[Jake Johnson]

Nobody wants you to sing. Hugh Jackman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. You know what I like? I like the throat. A clip where they pretend they don't know. Oh, what clip is this?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not even sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think this. This is, you know the clip. You know the clip, Hot shot.

[Dan Johnson]

There's a flute behind this couch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can play it.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, give me a break. So what we have is Paige, who had the van that we wrapped in the we're here to help logo went to Ravinia with Dan. My brother Danny J is here. Dan Johnson.

[Dan Johnson]

Hey, everybody.

[Jake Johnson]

And there's something that comes out of. She comes on, we talk about the thing, the end of this intro. And I don't want to give it away. There might be something in the works.

[Dan Johnson]

Yeah, lots happening.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot is happening.

[Dan Johnson]

Things were at a. Things were at a 5 and they get to a 10 fast.

[Jake Johnson]

We might be at a 10 on this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we might be. So we were just going to talk briefly, but we ended up thinking it was a substantial enough to include it in the show. So you're gonna hear all of it and a lot. Dan. Dan, you are a machine.

[Dan Johnson]

Well, look, you're inspiring, Gareth. I do what I can, Dan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you were like this before, you know, about me.

[Jake Johnson]

He was. It's been like this since literally I was born.

[Dan Johnson]

That's fair. Look, it's. I don't want to give anything away either, but there's some great stuff happening.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, great stuff. And so everybody enjoy. And then from that, we're just gonna get right into the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Love it. Without further ado, kinda stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paige, hi. We're glad to have you back. To point out, you have Jake, you have myself, and you have Jake's brother, Dan, the great Dan Johnson.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jake with a microphone that he is now doing ASMR into often.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, yep, yep.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Paige. Everybody, when they first get a mic, does all the same stuff.

[Dan Johnson]

Oh, for sure. It's so fun.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I'm sure. Yeah. He was doing it at the van the other day.

[Jake Johnson]

He was?

[Dan Johnson]

True.

[Jake Johnson]

First tell us they gave him a.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Tiny mic and he didn't know how to act. He's not wrong.

[Jake Johnson]

She's not wrong. I believe it. One margarita and a tiny mic, you lose, Dan, forever.

[Dan Johnson]

Tiny mics are the best.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, tiny mics are interesting. So, Paige, you're a niche additional problem. What you did, where you're at, totally catch up the audience.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, so I originally called, I think like a month or two now ago, about. And I was calling because my boyfriend, who was a plumber, he got a creepy, windowless 2003 Astro van.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And we lived next to a grade school and it was creepy, it was old, it was a little bit rusty. And so I called in hoping Jake and Gareth could come up with a solution. And their solution was get the van wrapped. Hey, we're here to help. Logo all the pretty colors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

It looks so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's just so good.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so we did. So we. So Rob found a place. Wobby Wub crushed it, we got it wrapped. And how's that been? That's the first beginning of the follow up.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

It's been good. It's been a lot of fun. We're getting more and more Fans coming up and asking about. Looks great. Yeah. So we're having fun with it. Connor's taking it to work every day, so he's taking it out and about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is amazing, right? Is amazing.

[Dan Johnson]

It looks amazing. I got to see it in the flesh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, did you?

[Dan Johnson]

It's a very special couple, and it's a very special van. It might be the best vehicle in the greater Chicagoland region at this point.

[Jake Johnson]

That's saying a lot from a guy like you.

[Dan Johnson]

It's true. And I love Chevrolets, and this. This van is amazing.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. So that's huge coming from you. That's huge.

[Dan Johnson]

So she earned it.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. You should be. Paige, you should be freaking out. It's a big honor coming from Dan.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I know. Oh, my God. Now that I've met him, I. I get it.

[Jake Johnson]

So the next big thing that happened was Elizabeth at Revenue reached out. Ravinia is a music venue festival in Highland Park, Illinois, and said, would you want to bring the van to Ravinia?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how it started.

[Jake Johnson]

And people could take photos with the van in Ravinia. So we said, of course. So then Paige will. And then Dan. We had. We need to pick. We had. We did a vote for them there to get Dan there, because I wanted Dan near the van with the people. So then Dan and Paige were together at Ravinia. Correct.

[Dan Johnson]

At a Maren Morris concert.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's awesome.

[Dan Johnson]

She's a talent.

[Jake Johnson]

Great. So you guys all went to Ravinia. People saw the van.

[Dan Johnson]

Both sides of the family came out. Yeah. It was a gathering. A special gathering.

[Jake Johnson]

And then the vest was there, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Vest was there. We got a lot of updates. I'm not. I'm waiting to jump in with the. The. The Dan updates. Dan was on the scene. He was the anchor. Dan, he was really. There was a lot of breaking news.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Phone was dying, but he took pictures and was sending pictures the whole time.

[Dan Johnson]

So these are. It's a very special couple.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Paige, we heard through the grapevine that something occurred post Ravinia in your life.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yes. So Dan almost ruined it, it sounds like. But Connor did propose the next day.

[Jake Johnson]

Congratulations.

[Dan Johnson]

Congratulations.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot of.

[Dan Johnson]

Well, look, when I saw these two, they're obviously a couple of young kids, deeply in love. And Connor, by the way, is fake Gareth.

[Jake Johnson]

Interesting.

[Dan Johnson]

He is. It's almost spooky how much he looks like Gareth Reynolds. Paige, are you with me on this?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I agree. Yeah, no, I bet, like, if Connor gets out of the van, I bet some people are like, oh, that's him on the side. Of the van there.

[Jake Johnson]

He looks like his van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100%.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a turn I did not think about until right now.

[Dan Johnson]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

They don't think he. They think he hosts a podcast.

[Dan Johnson]

Yes.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Right.

[Dan Johnson]

Right. Or the podcast is like a plumbing podcast. We're here to help you fix your plumbing.

[Jake Johnson]

That's what we should have put.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly.

[Dan Johnson]

When Connor goes on his own, the name of his plumbing company is going to be, we're here to help fix your plumbing issues.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, he should honestly have that and keep the van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we have pictures. He's very, very. By the way, I just went to look and see Connor and be remind boy. I just gotta say again, Dan. Dan's night with the van and the updates are just awesome. I mean, he's on top of the van. Yeah, that's the one that really stands out. Is Dan laying on top of the van?

[Jake Johnson]

What happened? I'll just show.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And he got up there quick. I mean, I blinked, and he was on top of the van.

[Dan Johnson]

It was a lot of fun. It's a great van. You guys have made something very special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's. Let's point out, he's wearing the WeNeedtopic.comT shirt, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Gotta bed that day. So did anybody say, get on the van or you just jump up there?

[Dan Johnson]

Well, I thought, like, we were posing in front of the van. We met a bachelorette party. They all came out. You know, she was smooching you guys mugs on the van. They, you know, a bunch of ladies were having fun with Maren Morris. And then I realized we should all go up and sit on top of the van and take some more pictures. It's a great place. I don't know why Paige and Connor didn't join me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mm.

[Dan Johnson]

But I think they may in the future.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's interesting, Dave, because you said you all were there saying how great the top of the van, but only you went up there.

[Dan Johnson]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's true.

[Jake Johnson]

You laid on it on your side.

[Dan Johnson]

I may have been a little selfish. Maybe I didn't make enough room for Paige encounter in retrospect.

[Jake Johnson]

And you yelled at her, take my photo. Take my photo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hurry. My phone's almost out of battery.

[Dan Johnson]

Just me. Just me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just me. Everyone stand away.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't ruin my pick.

[Dan Johnson]

But I will say, when I. When I met him, I'm like, oh, Paige and Connor, you guys, you know, married.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, that's how you almost ruined it.

[Dan Johnson]

I almost did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I almost.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, he got on the tiny mic and was interviewing us. And was like, oh, you married couple? And I'm like, no. And Connor's like, shut up, shut up. He was proposing in mere couple hours, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, he did. He proposed that night?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

No, the. More the next day, but.

[Jake Johnson]

So walk us through the proposal. What happened? Yes, this is a. This is a romantic show.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

He should have called in for help on this proposal, but we were. We were on the Riverwalk with our dog and he proposed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he did.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, yeah. And stuff after.

[Jake Johnson]

And how'd he do?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

All our friends were there.

[Jake Johnson]

Was the proposal good?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

It was. It was good.

[Dan Johnson]

I should say. I should say while we. While I met him and they said, no, no, no, we're not married. I started to lay it on a little thick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I was just going to say I have in text message here at 5:25. So 6:25 Chicago time. Dan, text. So the other fun part is I am pushing them to get married.

[Dan Johnson]

I was laying.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Dan, you can really read a book. You can really read a.

[Jake Johnson]

He's got a good eye.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

That's funny.

[Jake Johnson]

I was pushing hard.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, he did offer to. Sorry, go ahead.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you go. Paige, please.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Dan did offer to be our officiant as well, a couple times that night. So we'll be up on that.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you.

[Dan Johnson]

Please, 100%. Paige, let me just say something with all sincerity. Paige. The honor cannot be beaten. I am a man of God, and I would love nothing more than to unite you to an holy matrimony.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Paige.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

On top of the van.

[Dan Johnson]

On top of the van.

[Jake Johnson]

But hold on, Gareth. One side.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

We can get an altar up there.

[Jake Johnson]

Paige, let me just say this. If my brother officiates your wedding, I'm gonna. If I'm invited, I would love to come.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, my gosh. All right. I think we can work that out.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love. Because you' in Chicago, I imagine.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Of course. Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So we might do a 24. If Dan offici. And Dan. I will let you know if Dan officiates it. It's not. He did mine. He does take it very seriously. Yes. It will be way more sincere than you expect. He will be as weird as ever at the party after.

[Dan Johnson]

No doubt. And no doubt.

[Jake Johnson]

But during the service, there will not be jokes. The jokes start when he has one sip of a Seab Breeze cocktail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had a margarita in his hand for every picture, except for when he got on top the van, and that.

[Dan Johnson]

Was after the marg. So, you know, you can do the.

[Jake Johnson]

Math, make it singular.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

The mark.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

It only takes one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let. Let me just Run you through the rest of the text real quick. So the other fun part is I'm pushing for them to get married. Then I meet the parents of Paige, pull them aside, and I ask if I should lay off. Maybe they don't like the guy. And the mom urgently whispers, it's happening tomorrow. Then later told them, I'm an officiant, a man of God, and I did marry Jake. So priest is fine, but I'm available, so there's a world where that happen. We have to see about tomorrow. But hush, hush. For now. The best is that he's saying, hush, hush.

[Jake Johnson]

Who would we tell?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Like, as if Gareth's calling me. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Heard the news.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Wait, this is so funny. I didn't know any of this was going on.

[Dan Johnson]

Oh, that's all true. I pulled your mom aside and I. Look, you know, you never know, right? I could tell you're madly in love, but maybe she's not into the guy. I don't know. So when I meet her, I'm just like, hey, just want to make sure, like, is this something that you, you know, you're down with? And she was like. With an urgency of a thousand suns coming through her eyes, she was like, hey, hey, shush.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is happening tomorrow. Get off the van. Come down here.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop drinking margs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop drinking margs and get off the van. Quit yelling about them getting married, you fool.

[Jake Johnson]

Put the tiny mic down. You're ruining it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A priest is fun, but a man of God.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Paige, we're going to get off with you. We just want to say thank you for being a huge part of the show.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for the van, for going to Ravinia. If you decide Dan is your officiant, we would love to be part of the show. If not, we wish you nothing but the best. Either way, follow up with us. We're all invested in the story and we appreciate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm excited to see the van. October 4th as well.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yes. Yeah, we'll be at the show.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, fun.

[Dan Johnson]

Awesome. Awesome. I. I mean, I guess I would just say I don't think there's any ambiguity. I think we're locked. I think I'm officiating this wedding.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, let that make sense.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I think so, too.

[Dan Johnson]

That's what I'm saying, Paige. I mean, we have to get the.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Vest back for that. We got the vest to Ravinia and Soldier Field.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you got it in Soldier Field.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many balls are in the air right now. It's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

This show is going crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're bouncing From Dan officiating the wedding to the vest also making an appearance. I'll meet the van.

[Jake Johnson]

October 4th.

[Dan Johnson]

Gareth, you may end up being best man in this wedding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm best van.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah.

[Dan Johnson]

And I'll wear the vest as your officiant. Anything you want, I believe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A portal will open. Hi, everyone. Sweet Jesse here. We are pleased to announce that Sarah will be the contestant on our next Friendship Game. She is from the Philadelphia Air area. So if you live nearby and think you might be a good match for Sarah, be sure to write into the show. Go to the link in this episode's description. And if you want to get to know Sarah a little better, check out episode 202, I have a connection. That's the Friendship Game casting special. And good luck. And we are brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, we are. I mean, we're doing some fantastic stuff with Squarespace on the show. I've already talked about it. My website is a Squarespace website. Has been for a while, but we use Squarespace's all in one web design platform all the time. It helps you succeed online. Whether you're starting out your small business or Squarespace just gives you everything you need to claim your own domain, showcase your offerings, professional looking website, you grow your brand. Or like us, maybe you're working on a calendar for a guy who lost a bet a while ago, or you're looking for a place where people can vote to help you pick winners on your podcast. We have incorporated Squarespace on this show. Look, you have to know that we love Squarespace. And it's not just because we use it for our shenanigans. Gives you everything you need to offer and services and get paid all in one place. Consultations, events, experiences. It just gives you a way to showcase what you're working with. There's cutting edge design. With Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a bespoke online presence. It's a great way to generate premium quality content or your personalized design recommendations. So listen to us. Listen to us. Check out squarespace.com gilsentme for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code. Gil sent me to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Do it. And we're brought to you by herobred. Oh, come on, herobred. You know what we're talking about. Let me tell you a little something about how good spaghetti is. That's the end of it. But how good is it? It's really good. Noodles Pasta, all that stuff. If you want to make yourself a delicious pasta dish, you're always feeling a little guilt about the noodles. You know, you're like me. You dream about noodles smothered in some sort of cheesy sauce. Or maybe it's taco Tuesday, family night, you know, Whatever it is, Herobred and their noodles are here to solve your problem with bread. Health goals are important. We all have them, but we also want to live our lives. And with Herobred, you're able to do both. You can enjoy bready favorites guilt free. I have told stories multiple times on this show about I've been like, cooking for people. Have some tortillas or some bread out. And people are like, oh, this is so good. And you're like, yeah. And it's good for you. It's got 5 grams net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, 32 grams of fiber. There is even a croissant. It is the best bread. It is the best tortillas, the best noodles. Herobred is offering 10% off your order. Go to Hero Co and use code here to help at checkout. That's here to help. Help at H E R O Co.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode is brought to you by Skylight. Say goodbye to sticky notes and calendar confusion with Skylight. The Skylight calendar is here to keep your family organized. This beautifully designed digital display syncs with your existing calendars, making it effortless to track events, appointments, and reminders in one easy to see place. I'm a fan of Skylight. I bought one for my wife. That's what got us involved with them. Then they reached out after that and started sponsoring my trainer, Rudy Garcia likes them so much that he is now also using Skylight. We are becoming a Skylight group. It is such a cool way to do a calendar and it looks good in the kitchen. So it is a win, win.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The days of forgetting where you're supposed to go and when are over with Skylight. And not only does it make it easy, it's aesthetically very pleasing. It's beautifully designed. It's got digital display, syncs with your existing calendars. It's all right there. You can keep track of your events, your appointments. It's got reminders. Look, I've got 45 podcasts, okay? Your brain is full with all the things you have to do with your errands, with people's birthdays, with your birthday. It's very possible to forget your birthday. But it's all right there on Skylight right now. Skylight Is offering our listeners $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to skylight california.com here to help. Go to skylightcal.com here to help for $30 off your 15 inch calendar that is S-K-Y-L-I G H T C A L.com heretohelp. Hello.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, hello, Hello. Oh, hello. Welcome to the show.

[Jake Johnson]

You two flirty birds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. Name, age, where you're calling from. What's up?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So I'm gonna go with the name Chrissy. And yeah, I'm 37 and I'm from a really rural town on Vancouver island.

[Jake Johnson]

I love Vancouver island.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So do I. Yeah, it's like the mini Alaska.

[Jake Johnson]

It is gorgeous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, that's the end of the small talk. All right, Chrissy, so what can we help you with today?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So I have a very quiet neighbor, you know, near retirement age, works nights. The issue that we've got has been happening for about six years since I moved into the house. And he has an affinity for ladies of the day. I'd say night, but he works night. So he hires women to come during the day, which I'm not here to bash any women, you know, you do. You love that for them. The only problem I have is that I have very curious children that are five and three, and they like to talk to everybody that's around our house. So if they're out sunbathing on the deck, which is super close to ours, who?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The women of the day. Oh, wow.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, Women of the day. Then, you know, my kids are gonna want to talk to them. They're bringing them flowers. My son is now obsessed with what he calls boo boos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's not gonna.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

This is almost daily now. And in our town, because it's so small, we have like scheduled power outages. So they could go 24, 48 hours. Most people in town, they're gonna stock up on food, you know, get that generator going.

[Jake Johnson]

He stocks up on ladies of the day?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah. And not just one. He'll do two for 24 hours.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, it's the way we all were with toilet paper during the pandemic. He's the ladies. He's going to the market going like, you know, everybody get in the cart.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Chris, it doesn't seem dangerous or sketchy. These ladies don't seem to be in trouble. We just got an old guy who hires. He's just running kind of like his one man bunny match When I first.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Moved in because the woman was kind of skulking around and I was leaving my house, I started filming her because I was like, well, what if she is breaking in? And I sent it to my neighbor.

[Jake Johnson]

To the old guy. This is great.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep. So I sent him it and then he said, oh, weird. I didn't know she was in town. She's from this other place and we've had dinner a few times. I guess she should let me know when she's coming.

[Jake Johnson]

I didn't know my hooker was gonna break in. What is he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, what does he say?

[Jake Johnson]

Wait, quick pause. Chris, do you have the video?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I sent it to Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

I would love to see it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same. Yeah, send it to me privately.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And the exchange with the neighbor?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, let's. Let's get into it, let's see it and.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, but I don't think that we can post the video.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so Gareth, will you talk out and just explain everything we're seeing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, play by play, sure.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so Gareth, start walking us through it as a seconds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're driving, Chrissy. This woman has a fanny a bag in the back and she so far Chrissy looked like a woman walking.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, this is not a woman breaking in. That's just a woman walking down the street. You're a crazy.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So that was after she saw me and she ran from his house and was walking away. Yeah, so I was only able to capture her walking away. Like he has cameras all over his house.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so basically what we saw was. It was not. And by the way, NAT attack. Why can't we post that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We could post that. Then the text exchange.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

It was worth posting.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Chrissy, to the neighbor you wrote, hey, yesterday as I was leaving the house, I saw a woman around your front door. She saw me watching and she took off through someone's yard. Just looked a tad fishy. Neighbor replies, really? That is weird. I wasn't expecting anyone. And there was no knock question mark. Thanks for letting me know. Crazy smiley emoji, you said? Yeah, just look suspicious is all. I am a total weirdo. And filmed her walking away just in case. Crying tongue emoji. Crying tongue emoji. Then the video followed by neighborhood watches taken very seriously around here. He says, hahaha, weirdo. That was today question.

[Jake Johnson]

Weirdo spelled incorrectly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Correct. Did she have long hair? Question mark, you? She did, yeah. Long wavy hair. People's vehicles were siphoned the past night or so. And some fishing gear off boats on our street. Keeping a close eye on the hood. They're siphoning. He says, shitty. I do know that girl. And she's been over for dinner a few times, but she's been living in for a while. Guess she wanted to surprise me. Question mark, Message first. Always insane, crying emoji, laughing and say, crying emoji, laughing. Then he says, thank you again for scaring her away, exclamation point.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, this is amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What an exchange.

[Jake Johnson]

What an exchanges are. Ah, she's a friend. We've had dinner. Anyway, thanks for scaring away my friend. I genuinely appreciate it. Next time when my friends come by, shoot him with a shotgun. My friends are robbing everybody's gas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My friends are drinking petrol.

[Jake Johnson]

Mind me, my friends are thieves. This is incredible stuff, Chris.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

So he has brought a bunch of thieves in sexy clothes into the neighborhood. They mess around, he gives them money, he leaves, they come back. They don't only rob him, they're robbing everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He has brought drinking gas.

[Jake Johnson]

So this is wild. Speaking of drinking gas, I just watched a My Strange Addiction last night where a woman's addiction was smelling gasoline. Best show of all time, everybody. My Strange Addiction available anywhere you can watch trash tv, Chrissy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So on tlc, which, remember, stands for the Learning Channel.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, tv. So what is the specific? Because there's a lot going on. Yes, it's about the kids asking them questions. The kids about boobs. It's about a bunch of thieves. It's about an old man who's insane. What can we help you with today?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, so mostly it's about the kids. Like, I can't really tell them, hey, these are hookers. We probably shouldn't talk to them when they're on the job. And like, they are small town type of women.

[Jake Johnson]

So what does that mean?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Well, they don't take the escorts you get in a big city.

[Jake Johnson]

I need a little bit more explanation. This is. I'm not understanding. I don't get escorts in the big city and I don't get them in the small town. And I'm assuming a lot of our listeners are the same. Gareth is looking at me like he knows. What is the difference, Gary?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think she's throwing a little physical shade in their direction.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

Is that what you're doing?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Like, they. They look like they've been maybe working, you know, 40, 50 years doing this.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, so he's getting people closer to his own age.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I guess so. But maybe they're. Yeah, just a little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's an eye.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

A little rough around the edges.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure. Chrissy, here's what I need from you. Nobody knows your last name. You gotta just speak Freely, if you offend somebody, we will apologize. But at this point, in this point of our lives, if somebody gets offended, they'll comment and they'll hate us, and that's okay. But they're just. What are you saying? They're just really rough. They're really ugly.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, really rough around the edges. Like, they look like they've been smoking, you know, maybe partaking in some drugs.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so he's hiring straight up. Like, drug addicts in mini skirts?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Maybe. I don't. Maybe. I'm not sure.

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, first off, first of all, for the kids, I would take this, you know, your little gloves off of trying to make everybody feel good and not say anything rude. Your kids shouldn't be asking them questions and bringing them flowers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, these are.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Every time I see it, I'm like, let's go inside.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but this is not a situation where you go like, well, I'm just trying to make sure no one hurts their feelings. And then my son is talking to Linda about her boobs and her razor blades, and she's going, well, I like to keep this blade out. My.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get away.

[Jake Johnson]

This is a get away from me situation, not a, hi, welcome to the neighborhood. Do you live here? And she goes, I live under this old guy's house when I rob him. These are dangerous folks. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's the question. The question is, like, if. If this. If you feel like he's inviting a crime syndicate into your neighborhood, that's a bigger problem. They. What?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

They don't feel. No, that was somebody else. I was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, as long as you're not dangerous.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, so you are like, they need work. You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, they sounds like they're getting work.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

They are getting work. Weekly work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The question is, what do you say to the kids? Right.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Well, yeah, it's like, okay, how do I keep the kids inside, especially during this nice weather? And they're outside on their patio, and my kids want to play outside, and our decks are so close together, you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See the boobs all the time. They're always out. This is a regular only if it's.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Like, over 20 degrees. So it's only happened, like, a handful of times, thankfully, because we don't get very warm over here. So 20 degrees. That would be in Fahrenheit, Like, I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean? You see the boob? They're sitting on the porch with no tops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

No bra.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No bra.

[Jake Johnson]

So good. So here. All right, so my first pitch is, this is a. You gotta let this guy know he he's got. He's in a neighborhood he doesn't like. If you want to live like this, you need acres.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's kind of where I'm at. I. I had a couple options, but I do think that you've had communication with him. I think it's easy for you to say. I just want you to know sometimes the women that you've gone out with a few times are out there topless. My kids ask questions. They're of that age. Can we try to contain your dating life a little bit more potentially?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Get out in there. My husband is way into these hookers. I can't stand it anymore. You need to lock them up in the house.

[Jake Johnson]

That's strange. Such a weird term.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Make it a little weird.

[Jake Johnson]

A little weird?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you trying to take it off of you?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

It's with me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, what are you going for?

[Jake Johnson]

What's the point of it? Then? He knows it's a woman in the.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Neighborhood, funny in it, so he also will do it, but then finds it a little weird and funny.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, you don't want the scare. You want him to laugh.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Laugh a little scared. Then.

[Jake Johnson]

How about we do this? What if we also just do. Do you mind if it comes from you?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I mean, we could try it.

[Jake Johnson]

Because here's the other thing you text on that imessenger. I say this with no Judg at all, which is a lie. That's how people get away with saying total judgments.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep.

[Jake Johnson]

And you go, obviously, we all know in the neighborhood that you like to hire women of the day or the evening, which is how you spend your money. We all know on this weird little Vancouver island that's a small Alaska. Do what you want with your own money. The neighborhood kids, mine included, are seeing a lot of naked women's breasts. And I'm getting questions that I don't have answers for. Could you do me a neighborly favor and ask the hookers to stay inside your house if they're underdressed? That would be very helpful for me.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Don't hate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't eat either.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Don't hate it. Because that's not like a little with the confrontation.

[Jake Johnson]

But it's over. It's over Facebook. And it's nice. It's LOLs. It's weird emoji, smiley faces. 50. It's I'm not mad at you. LOL. Hey, you mind asking the hookers to stay inside? LOL. And if they go outside, LOL, can you make sure they cover their weird tits? LOL. And they're literally stealing gas. LOL. Can you keep the neighborhood a little safer? LOL.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See you around.

[Jake Johnson]

Heart emoji.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chrissy. Chrissy, Thoughts?

[Jake Johnson]

He's a weirdo.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Don't. Don't hate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me either.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep. He could come back denying it. Like, oh, my friends.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fine. If he denies it, your message is still there. Your message is still there, which is just.

[Jake Johnson]

Look, I have kids.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I know what you're doing. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Chrissy.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah?

[Jake Johnson]

Will you open up Facebook Messenger?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we're talking.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, no. This has been going six years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Time to end it.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay. All right, we're opening it up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go. How do you feel about opening it up for this?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I feel nauseous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, good. So we need you.

[Jake Johnson]

Will you tell us when you're ready? And then we're not going to pitch on what you're going to write. You're going to pitch because this is your real life. But before you send it, let's all be in agreement. Of course, we're looking for comedy and lightness, but this is your real life. So let's make sure we don't put you in a dangerous spot. And so can you just start with what you're writing and let us know and just.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, I'm. I have it open.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Put it in as you're saying it. So don't say it. And then just go like, I'm gonna write it later. Because what I'm gonna is you take a little screen grab of it and we see it too. And then we see the scent and then the follow up is, you know what happened.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep. So I got. Hey, Steve. I've noticed over the years. Oh, dear, that's a long time. That you have an affinity for hiring women who come hang out with you. No, shade, you do you. But the kids are starting to ask a lot of questions.

[Jake Johnson]

I like this. But how about my kids?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

My kids. My kids are starting to ask a lot of questions I frankly don't have the answers for.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I pitch something? Chrissy, pitch everything is perfect. For example, and then put the example of what some of the questions are.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

For example, my son is commenting about boo boos.

[Jake Johnson]

Boo boo sounds like injuries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boo boos that he sees on the sun deck.

[Jake Johnson]

But a boo boo is an injury.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's also a boo.

[Jake Johnson]

He's saying boobs incorrectly. But we need this old timer who spells weirdo wrong to know what you're talking about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay. For example, my son is commenting about boobies.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Not booties. Boobies. There we go. That he sees on your patio that.

[Jake Johnson]

He sees bear on your patio. Don't let him off the hook here where he's like, well, if your kid's asking why a woven his boobs, that's on you, babe. It's called the birds and the bees. We are not letting him off the hook here, okay?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

For example, my son is counting boobies that he sees there on your patio from our patio. And I have to bring my kids inside because.

[Jake Johnson]

There are naked prostitutes on your porch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Women.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. Because there are naked women on your porch because that's what you're saying, right?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Pop up.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

There are bottoms on.

[Jake Johnson]

There are. There are topless women on your porch.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay? I have to bring my kids inside because they're scantily clad women.

[Jake Johnson]

Scantily. No, they are topless women.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

What happens when you get approved to call in? All right, let's see. All right, so now I have a How to end this for the.

[Jake Johnson]

How would you like to end it, Chrissy? What are you asking him?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, right. All right, so when you have these women over, could you keep them inside?

[Jake Johnson]

Or if they're outside, could you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to please follow local laws about decency? Is that insane? No, because you're not saying something crazy. You're not saying. You're saying, like, I'm not getting the cops involved there. But there are laws you don't have to take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you do what you want, Chrissy, but I think it's not crazy.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

To say I feel like they're allowed to be topless. All right, so then you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're asking. I'm probably here. Probably.

[Jake Johnson]

I understand. Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it's legal.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't in la, sadly.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Vancouver island, man, I feel like you've been here, you've seen it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I hear you. I didn't think you could just walk. I mean, could I walk around with my dick out?

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's. Let's. Let's. Let's lock back in.

[Jake Johnson]

Vancouver Island. You've seen it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, listen, that's a different problem. Let's have a reread because I'm gonna suggest that we take out the fact that we're calling them sex just because we don't need it. It's like, look, you have a lot of women over. It's interesting. That I think, is enough.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't love the. You know I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So why don't we do a reread real quick?

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay. I said hey, Steve, I've noticed over the years that you've had an affinity for hiring women to come hang out with you. No, shade you. Do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So how about I've noticed over the years you have a lot of women over to your house, period. No, shade you.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep. I like that. A lot of women over at the road. Okay. Can't believe we're doing this. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't believe we are either.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Well, what a weird turn of events.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know who you called?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I know. I knew what was happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I've noticed over the years that you have a lot of women over at the house. No, shade you. Do you. But my kids are starting to ask a lot of questions that I frankly don't have the answers for. For example, my son is commenting about boobies that he sees a bear on your patio from our patio. And I have to bring my kids inside because there are topless women on your porch. When you have these women over, could you keep them inside? Or if they are outside, can you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to keep their tops on.

[Jake Johnson]

And then make it funny? Because my kids are asking me questions that I'm too prude to answer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Laugh emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

Laugh emoji. So this is just a favor I'm asking between neighbors I like. Sorry, I'm a prude. Let me know if this is okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

All right. But I have the answers for five laughing emojis. So many laughing emojis.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So many.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

What do you put alone? I'm gonna do five there.

[Jake Johnson]

Five's cool.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah. So now I'm gonna go. Sorry I'm such a prude. I hope this didn't come across.

[Jake Johnson]

Keep going.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Is rude. I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I think it's nice, but that's nice. She's. You're being extra nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Hahaha. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

All right. Will you read it back?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep. Hey, Steve, I've noticed over the years that you have a lot of women over at the house. No, shade you. Do you. But my kids are starting to ask a lot of questions that I frankly don't have the answers for. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. For example, my son is commenting about boobies that he sees bare on your patio from our patio. And I have to bring my kids inside because there are topless women on your porch. When you have these women over, can't you keep them inside? Or if they are outside, can you remind them that this is a residential neighborhood and to keep their tops on. Sorry I'm such a prude. Ha ha, ha ha. Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I'm in.

[Jake Johnson]

Chrissy, how do you feel about it?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

You know, fingers are going a little numb from the anxiety, but I think it's time that I finally address this. After six years. Yeah. And he's home, so I feel like he's gonna see this immediately.

[Jake Johnson]

We'll send it really fast and let's see what happens.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, sending, send. And I have said it.

[Jake Johnson]

And then here's what we're gonna do. Chris, follow up with us, and if he. If he calls today or if he responds today, call us back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good work. Good stuff. Now we wait.

[Jake Johnson]

It is an hour and a half later. And I took a break. We're back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You must be. I'm excited because this is such a quick turnaround follow up that I'm like, I'm pins and needles.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Okay, so I got a response, and his first response was just a laugh reaction to my message.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's right.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So, you know, starting off so good. And then he said, morning. I guess you just have to tell the kids that I have friends that come over for coffee or dinner. Question mark. As far as naked ladies on my deck, I really can't ever remember any topless chicks in my backyard. If I'm cooking, sometimes they'll hang out with me, but always have clothes on. Question mark, question mark. This part baffles me a little. I mean, at least maybe a bikini on after a lake day. Anyways, it's pretty simple with the kids. I have friends that come over just like anyone else. The naked boobs, I'm lost on that one. But I'll make sure their tops stay on. Laughing face, laughing face, shrug emoji. If you have an appropriate time when your son in an inappropriate time where your son saw boobs on my deck, my. Help me figure that part out. Haha.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. And then let's make sure we cross out his name at the top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a response.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but this is interesting. So then what'd you say?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I said, hey, Steve. Oh, sorry. I said, where are we at? We said, hey. To be fair, the top list was a couple summers ago. But my son's love for these things have grown exponentially. Laughing face, laughing face.

[Jake Johnson]

So many emojis between you two animals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like with the actual text being like, hey, get the naked women off your deck.

[Jake Johnson]

And then it's hey, I'm gonna do what I want. There's not a problem here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'M genuinely saying it's kind of affecting my life. Lol.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. But also I'm allowed to do what I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so funny you have that attitude. It's kind of damaging my kids. Oh my God. Laughing out loud.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't know why having friends over with damaged kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, sometimes I see boobs and it's just kind of like get your together a little bit, old man. Lol.

[Jake Johnson]

Humans have boobs and so do the women I'm friends with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I'll get the police involved.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll kill you in your sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll kill you first, you bitch.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so then you wrote oh, and.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I did last react to his message.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Because I felt that was fair. And I said I don't want to cause an issue or anything. More of a heads up just as things get warmer out and the kids are outside more again, no shade, man. Laughing face. Laughing face. He laugh, reacts to my message. He said no shade taken. I'm definitely not worried about it. I understand that the kids are next door so they don't really have topless parties. Laughing face. Laughing face. I laugh react to this.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And I say keep the topless parties at the lake. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. Omg. Hilarious. Laughing face. Laughing face. Laughing face. He responds, laughing face.

[Jake Johnson]

So is that where it's ended?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Where it ended? And I, I feel because he's outside pretty frequently and our houses are so close together that I know that he's gonna say something to me and I think I'm just gonna have to say laughing face.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, you just go out there, the next time you see him, you do a big fake smile, laughing face and wave and you go like thanks. And he goes like laughing face. And now you guys leave the name out.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Thanks Steve.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks Steve. But now you have made it very clear that you don't find this appropriate. He's made it very clear. I'm okay with it, but I'll keep an eye on it. So what I think is going to happen is it's going to get 15% better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's kind of what I think. I think it's like it's not a home run by any stretch because he's basically like, like, like we were saying, like he's not going to change anything really.

[Jake Johnson]

I think he will change some stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He will has a new awareness.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. He'll go like this. Hey guys, after we have a cocaine fueled orgy with my old wrinkle dick, do me a favor, keep your bras on. If you're outside. And they'll go, no, we don't respect you and we're going to steal from you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he'll go, okay, see, how old is this guy?

[Jake Johnson]

71.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm guessing like late 60s or early 70s.

[Jake Johnson]

The behavior of this is not. 45. The behavior of this is not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a little like Vancouver Island Dan Balzerian. He's like a low rent Dan Balzerian.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

He drives like a really fancy sports car.

[Jake Johnson]

I was wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's bargain bin Bilzerian.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Incredible. He's bargained in Bazarian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bazarian is at this point a laughing face emoji. Laughing face emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

I have machine guns. I'm going to kill people. Laughing face emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Laughing face emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Chrissy, where. Where are you feeling here, bud?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where.

[Jake Johnson]

Where are you at?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

You know, Nervous wreck.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, Waiting for that now. Where yet?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Now I feel pretty good about it. It's like known, but it wasn't mean. I mean, live your best life, Steve, but let's keep them inside a little.

[Jake Johnson]

But you. But you did it in a way that was fake friendly. And he responded in a way that was fake friendly. So he now knows where you feel and goes like, that. That kind of sucks. But he now knows it and he doesn't want to be a bad neighbor and he doesn't want to fight. So now there is a move that I think you could possibly do.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

What's that?

[Jake Johnson]

This is maybe it's too far. Bottle of wine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Drop off a bottle of wine.

[Jake Johnson]

Just like a. Just to be clear, like.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, like, just like the hot tub or bikini tops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God.

[Jake Johnson]

More.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

More robes for the ladies.

[Jake Johnson]

Nice. Nat. We'll get David Walton here. We'll get him a bunch of the robes. But what do you think? Where.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I don't have fancy robe money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we provide the robes in this industry, but we're not offering robes. I don't hate the bottle of wine. I actually, I would say. I would say if anyone needs to be bringing a bottle of wine, it's probably him.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I would just leave it as it is for right now. How often do you kind of see him out and about? Like, how often are you guys talking or making eye contact or.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Almost daily, I would say, because.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you're gonna see him soon and all the time.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think the thing that's good is that you've called it out. So if there is a situation going ahead that you don't like, if you See one of them topless or if you see one of them kind of being shady now you could just say, hey. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. She was casing my car. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. I think I'm really concerned about a break in. Hahaha. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. Should I be laughing emoji. Do you have contact information to these women? Laughing emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

Totally agree with Gareth. Laughing emoji.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because now you can. You have set the tone that you say Laughing emoji After serious stuff. Laughing emoji. So I think now you can just whenever there's something hey, three random three friends of yours are walking around in short shorts in a bikini and it seems as if they are scoping house. Laughing emoji. Do you know them? Laughing emoji. And he'll go like just regular friends of mine. Laughing emoji. Stealing gasoline out of trucks. Laughing emoji. And you go like sounds great. Yeah. They brought you're out of town and they threw a brick through your window. Laughing emoji. Want me to call the cops? Laughing emoji. And he goes lol. Laughing emoji. No. Those are my friends. Laughing emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of them collapsed. Laughing emoji. Because I think she oversiphoned the gas out of your boat. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. How concerned should I be? Laughing emoji. She seems a little elderly. Question mark.

[Jake Johnson]

Laughing emoji Writes back. I would definitely call the paramedics. Laughing emoji. That's Linda. Laughing emoji. She's dying. Laughing emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just got word she's dead. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. Laughing.

[Jake Johnson]

She was a dear friend. Laughing emoji. Who had a terrible addiction. Laughing emoji. RIP Linda. Laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am grieving so hard right now. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

I do hire hookers to replace intimacy in my life. Laughing emojis. But that doesn't fight the loneliness when they die. Laughing emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My dad left when I was 2. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji. Laughing emoji.

[Jake Johnson]

I can only feel things when I pay for it because I don't think I deserve love. Laughing emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My money doesn't go to therapy. It goes to this Laughing emoji.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Some of these laugh tears are tears.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way. Why are you saying laughing? I thought this was emoji of hysterically crying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought this Weep.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought this Was heavy grieve.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Linda's in his text back. He's thinking, I got some working girls here hysterically crying. What, they can't wear a bikini?

[Dan Johnson]

Hysterically crying.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we go back and read his thing with a little bit of a different read?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine hysterical weeping.

[Jake Johnson]

Can we just say from him, no shade taken. And I'm definitely not worried about it. I understand that the kids are next door, so I don't really have to have topless parties. Hysterically crying to the point of your head tilted to the left. Hysterically crying. You on top of it said hysterically crying. Then you said, keep the topless parties at the lake. Hysterically crying three times. Omg. Hilarious. Hysterically crying. Look on top of it, he said hysterically crying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The. The amount of cry. Laughing emojis. It's like, it's insane. This conversation in any regular person be like, hey, why don't you guys just have an honest conversation? Study. Like, this is so funny.

[Jake Johnson]

Madness. So, Chris, where it was happening.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah. I, I dread having to go outside and potentially see him, but I'm just gonna put on the crying face. Laughing face.

[Jake Johnson]

What are you gonna say? What are you gonna do? What's your game plan? What's your angle?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Game plan. I'm just gonna do the. Do the wave and the big smile like, hey, hey, Steve. Hope you don't listen to podcasts.

[Jake Johnson]

I have crying emoji.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crying emoji after you see him the first time. After this it'll be fine.

[Jake Johnson]

Do you want plan or do you want to just wing it and call us back?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I'm gonna wing it.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Because I, I want to see naturally what he says and. Or does. Maybe he's like, oh, got some friends coming over for dinner. Cover the kid's eyes. Who knows, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Fascinated with this story, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Same. Absolutely fascinating. The communication has only made it seem more insane.

[Jake Johnson]

There's nothing I don't like about this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I love it.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I had to stay on plot with the laughing.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. This is. If this is a dinner that a chef has served, I'm licking my plate after.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'll tell you what, when I walked into the restaurant, I was like, I don't know how good the food's gonna be. And now I'm like, this is the only place I want to eat.

[Jake Johnson]

Same stream. I want 50 follow ups.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. You know, join the show.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I'm not moving. They're not moving.

[Jake Johnson]

This just became a big part of the end of summer. This is because once it gets colder, those hookers are going to get dressed up more. I know they're inside, but end of summer. Chrissy, in closing, you got anything to say? Little Springer's Corner. We'll turn it into Chrissy's Corner.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

You know what? I'm excited to see what happens and unfolds. The weather's getting warmer. You know, clothes are probably going to come off. We'll. We'll find out. You know, you're just making dinner, so I mean, what's the big deal, right?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Well, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, that means. Yeah, neither do we. We don't understand it, but good luck. Keep us posted. Very excited for the follow up.

[Jake Johnson]

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Dell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

There are many times where I will be out on the road and I'll think, oh, I'm gonna have time to do all the things I want. I'm going to be able to pay attention to what I want to eat, what I want to put in my body. And then the next thing you know, I'm in an airport waiting all day, calling an airline, specifically one airline mainly, and saying, hey, what did you do? You've ruined my day. And I'm thinking, I'm not going to be able to do anything. But guess what? Then after all that, I will get to the hotel and I will be able to have cachava, which I am such a huge fan of. They have tons of flavors, but now there is a strawberry flavor flavor which is my new addiction.

[Jake Johnson]

It's got 85 superfoods, it's got nutrients and it's plant based protein. There's no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. No gmo, no soy, no animal products, no gluten, no preservatives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've never tasted strawberry like this. Go to cachava.com and use code here to help for 15 off. Your next order. That's Kachava. K-A C-H-A-V-A.com code here to help for 15 off.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, hello. Hey.

[Jake Johnson]

Hello. Welcome back to the show. How you doing?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Good. How are you guys today?

[Jake Johnson]

Doing great. We've had some bangers today, haven't we, Gareth?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I'm so excited.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we went for. See what happened was we went from just recording calls to a Berg and Eric episode back into call. So we've really, it's been a lot, lot, really swung in a lot of directions.

[Jake Johnson]

So caller, before we get into what are your honest thoughts of the we're here to chats. The four of us going on Wednesdays. How do you like them?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I'm loving them.

[Jake Johnson]

They're fun, right?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And I really like the chats. I think they're really funny. I love the random tangents you guys go on and the stories. Everything's pretty hilarious.

[Jake Johnson]

And we're done with the RE releases.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I mean, I mean I still listen to the re releases but I have listened to every episode. But like they were and I said.

[Jake Johnson]

Like a refresher, I kind of agree curated. Yeah, well, it might come back at some point. But right now you're liking the. The chats yeah, I'm loving the chat.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

The chats are really good.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, so to you, can you remind us who you are? What the problem?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

What you did.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

All right, so my name is Christy and my neighbor loves hookers, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Right, Canada.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, Canada. Yeah, Right. He's loving the hookers. So, you know, the solution to the problem was for me to message him and he kind of responded it right away. So we had a quick follow up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And then a lot of emojis.

[Jake Johnson]

A lot of emojis.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So many. So many. And then, yeah, shortly after that, he. He wrote me back, but he was upset this time.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, this is new.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, this is new.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, walk us through what happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I knew it. I love when we get the screenshots. Oh.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, Gareth, you want to read him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. Wow. Okay. This is. This is long. Long. He writes at 8:09am or PM. His phone could use a charge. So I'm sitting here at work thinking about our exchange today, and I'm kind of perplexed. I'm curious why, when the bare breast incident was a couple years ago, why this is coming up now. You also said that you don't want to cause an issue. Double question mark. That's interesting wording, as you're basically talking about my life, that I can do anything I wish. That being said, I respect you guys and love those kids, so I'm pretty sure I've been a very respectful neighbor. The kids obviously know I live in a. In the house alone with the pups. So from their end, I'm pretty sure when I have friends over, it's innocent. Now if they start asking other questions, you have to ask where these ideas are coming from. Kind of curious. Hand to chin emoji. Anyways, I'm not worried about anything because it's not my deal. You brought this to me. You brought this. Sorry. You brought this to me and I'm really having a tough time understanding. Double cry laugh. Emoji. Emoji. You guys in these emojis are just. It's so counter to what you're saying. You guys have a great evening. Prayer hands.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, Yeah. A little. Little spicy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have what you replied, Chris, or you want me to read that?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

No, I can read it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So I said, oh, man, I'm so sorry, Steve. I only meant with the warmer weather. The only reason I brought it up now is because my son is ridiculous. Ridiculous. It came out wrong totally on my end.

[Jake Johnson]

My apologies response.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah. And then, you know, he started talking about his dogs. And whatnot. And he did say that my message to him was very awkward.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so this is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, first of all, selfishly, a non bell ring, but it sounds like.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

But yeah, hold. There's more. Okay, go on. There's more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do it to us.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So quite literally, like three days after the call, we had a power outage, which is infamous for him to hire some. Some women. So he did, but he kept them inside.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey, it was a nice day.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

We had a power outage for about eight hours, which is like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like criminal.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And I could. I saw them go in the house, and he had the balcony door open, and he closed the door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, this is a bell ring. Gary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think we're getting our hand on the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

It doesn't have to feel good always, Christy. But this was a real problem. Well, if you're paying for it.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, you know, it was a little awkward. He spoke to me in person. Yeah, yeah, we had a. We had a chat in the front yard about a week after that, which was a little awkward.

[Jake Johnson]

What happened then?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Thankfully, he didn't bring up the hookers. I think he is a little afraid of confrontation in person.

[Jake Johnson]

Fair.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

So he was trying to throw our other neighbors down the street under the bus, being like, well, they're building lots of properties. Pretty sure they're laundering money. So he was kind of giving off on other.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, yeah.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Not talking hookers. He's like, well, you think I'm bad?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but by the way, just. Just to be straight line here, here. You called in because his hookers were running wild on your street with their shirts off. You went through a little bit of hot water with him. He's keeping the hookers inside.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Keeping him inside. I was ready to parmesan that deck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Parmesan. I mean, not to. Not to poke holes, but the wind will blow the Parmesan off the deck. It doesn't work. You're going to want a tougher cheese. But I agree. I think it's a little uncomfortable for a minute. Now you guys are kind of back. He's talking on other people. The ladies are staying inside. I do think we're on a bell ring. As long as you co. Sign it and agree, Christy, that this is a win.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I feel it's a win. Like, I haven't had any, like, dog poo thrown at my yard or anything like that. Like, it.

[Jake Johnson]

It is uncomfortable. You. You called him out for getting hookers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Called him out for being public with his, you know, with his. With his sex workers. Yes, you did call him out for.

[Jake Johnson]

That, which is hard to do, but guess what. Yeah, but you got your problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. We actually just had a call a minute ago with someone who was having difficulty kind of confronting. And, you know, I think our point was, and I think it is applicable to this is like, look, if you're calling into our show, it clearly is bothering you. At least get it off your chest. And then if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. But.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but I'll also say this. Don't parade around your hookers. General rule.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't know. I think some. Some parade like that doesn't sound terrible to me, if I'm being totally honest.

[Jake Johnson]

A parade of hookers?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Well, I mean, Gareth whacked his butthole. Now he's ready for anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, listen, you can try to shame what I have going on back there all you want. I got a diver's anus. Okay, you.

[Jake Johnson]

Have you waxed again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I haven't.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I honestly think I will.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool. Genuinely cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really think I will.

[Jake Johnson]

That's cool, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really went through the. I ran the whole. I ran the cycle. I was furious. Yeah, I was regretting.

[Jake Johnson]

But it's cool, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have a giggle, everyone. I feel great.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Chris, this feels very positive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, it's feeling like a win. And, you know, weather is gonna cool down a little bit, so. Or naturally. And they're gonna be inside in their warmer habitat.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't think this is gonna be a problem. Again, he's habitat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're not otters.

[Jake Johnson]

A hooker's habitat is outside on a corner, though. That is the natural habitat is outside. It's not inside. They work inside, but their natural habitat is outside, everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're not aliens.

[Jake Johnson]

So, Christy, you're happy with this?

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I'm pretty happy.

[Jake Johnson]

We're ringing the bell to our people. Doing.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

I guess if anything else happens, I'll just put a sign in the window.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we'll find. If something else happens, call us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, please. We. I mean, I think we're open to pitching it more on this if we need to. I'll fly to Canada.

[Jake Johnson]

No, you won't. So, Christy, thank you for the follow up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you, Christy.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, thank you, guys.

[Jake Johnson]

We appreciate you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Appreciate it.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Ring that bell.

[Jake Johnson]

Ring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ringing, ringing.

[Jake Johnson]

See you.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Ringing the bell. Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bye.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Good one.

[Jake Johnson]

You too.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Bye.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please, please email us your question@ HelpfulPodmail.com and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] heretohelpod to see our entire catalog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis associate producer Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Ross, Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

All video episodes of season one are.

[NPR Promo Voice]

Available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Jake Johnson]

20Th.

[NPR Promo Voice]

Go to patreon.com forward/heretohelpod.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

What's up, everybody?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Kyle Mooney and what's up, everybody?

[Jake Johnson]

I'm back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bell and Man.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Ooh, I got.

[Jake Johnson]

We got something to tell you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, we definitely do. Yes. It's a brand new podcast on Headgum. That's right. And it's called what's Our Podcast? Yep. And that's because we don't have a.

[Jake Johnson]

Single idea what our podcast should be about. Yeah, we don't.

[Dan Johnson]

So we actually have guests come on.

[Jake Johnson]

And they tell us what they think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our podcast should be about and then we try riot.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guests like Mark Marin, Jack Black, Brittany Broski, Caper Land, Bobby Moynihan, Meg Stalter and Tim Ball, landon Axler, Joanie McGregor, and Dender.

[Chrissy / Paige (Caller/Guest)]

And Dender.

[Gareth Reynolds]

New episodes release every Wednesday, so subscribe.

[Jake Johnson]

To what's Our Podcast?

[Gareth Reynolds]

On YouTube or any of your favorite podcast platforms. Yeah, I'm gonna go do it right now.