C (2:02)

Fun.

A (2:03)

And so. So imagine Gareth in a full suit. And my parents come. Cause I was really close with them. My father passed away. I was so, so close with them. And Gareth shows up, and he's standing in between me and my dad. And I could feel Gareth, because I know him enough at that point, being like, I'm gonna get.

C (2:19)

I know that Gareth's too. And it would give me a stomachache. Before you start, I'd go like this, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

A (2:26)

But too late. Band is going. And the lead singer of the band was like, a real character. Take it away, Gareth.

B (2:32)

I don't even remember this. I just remember. I don't. Your dad is obviously an icon, and I'm like. I mean, and I al. But I also am like, you're my friend, so I'm like, I don't want. But what did I Do. I can't even imagine. I was hammered at that party.

A (2:50)

So, for the listener who's unfamiliar, my father was Ivan Reitman, and he directed Ghostbusters and all these, like, iconic comedies. Right. Twins and Kindergarten Cop and things that we all grew up on and. And also just a really good dude.

C (3:05)

But you know what I hate about really Fast Catherine? Because my dad died, too. I hate the was. I know, like, your dad is Ivan Reitman, and he is.

A (3:17)

Sure.

C (3:17)

But I'm like that because I've had that where I. I still talk about my dad like, he's alive.

A (3:22)

I love that.

C (3:23)

But I'm like, I don't want this past tension. I'm like, I get. I don't get this. But I'm like, that's who my. That's.

A (3:30)

Yeah, I think I do it because I don't want to confuse people and just asking, like, oh, can I send them a script or something?

C (3:38)

Yeah, nobody was sending my desktop.

B (3:40)

Can I, though? Can I.

C (3:42)

When you say someone, you mean Gareth.

B (3:44)

Yeah, that's right.

A (3:45)

That's right.

C (3:45)

Okay, so I'll keep going.

A (3:47)

So Gareth's standing next to me, Band is going, lead singer's haven't at it. And all of a sudden, Gareth starts doing this bit. And God bless him, because all of Garrett's bits work for me. I'm that broken person. I'm the 1% who finds everything he says funny. So I'm also dying laughing. I should add that layer. But Gareth has decided that the lead singer of this band is his dad. Oh, you think you're the only one with your dad here, Katherine? Look at my dad working it up there. Oh, dad. Way to go. Way to hit that note. He's going to be tired after this one. I better get my dad a snack.

C (4:18)

Jeez, I'm so embarrassed by my dad, just like you are, Kath.

A (4:22)

Sorry about my dad.

C (4:23)

Look at us bringing our dads to this event. Look at.

A (4:26)

Yeah, exactly. What is this, Father's Day? So he's like. He's working it to death. And by the way, my father, I don't know if it's hearing or the band being loud like this.

C (4:35)

Yeah, he didn't like it.

B (4:36)

Oh, well, I did a bit at your wedding to your dad, too, and also bombed. Yeah, I don't even remember, but I tried to do a quick, like, hey, you know, and it was like. I was like, got it. See you later.

C (4:48)

Your dad's tough, though, dude. So you. You hearing that? That. So he would say to me, we did no strings attached. Together. And Liz Merriweather wanted me for the part. I love to audition for your dad so much. He never laughed. After each take he would go like, huh. Then when we were on set, I was doing a scene where my character had the button and it was like me kutcher. And I think, ludicrous. Nobody on the cruise laughing. So remember you're talking about the sound guy laughing. That was one of those gigs where because everyone was so. But also respected your dad so much, nobody wanted to express anything until he did. So I get it. So I'm doing stuff to silence. And I would like save the button where I'd be like soda water. And then because it's silent, I would just add shit. I'd be like, so. Because I like the dribble, dribble in my mouth. And then you would hear, cut. He walks over, puts his arm around me and he goes, oh, God. Do you know what a joke is, James?

A (5:47)

No, he did not.

C (5:48)

Not in a mean way. In like a smiling Ivan way. And I go, yeah. And he goes, because you say the joke that's written. And he goes, I laugh and then you talk. And I think, now I can't cut because he won't stop talking. He goes, I need to be able to cut, Jake. And I went, yeah, totally. Exactly.

A (6:12)

Thank you. Somebody under your seat.

C (6:15)

Somebody murder me. And I felt every take, I would look at him and I would get a look of like, I'm sorry I've disappointed you. You are my hero and I will try unsuccessfully again.

A (6:27)

I want to hug you and him so much in this scenario. First of all, imagine being a four year old girl getting the same exact direction. And second of all, Garrett Stewart does our entire friendship, but like, I was raised on that. I was raised with like land it. I remember sitting in the back of the car going home from like a feat violin recital or something from school. And he was like, do you know no one can hear you? Do you know that you're not projecting? Do you know like. And I remember in the backseat being like, yeah, he's right.

C (6:55)

Just like the same thing. But he would do it well. He would say things in a way where he would say like. It was basically he was saying, the circle is here, you're over there. Do you know that? Right, right. And I'd be like, I do know that.

A (7:08)

I do.

C (7:09)

Because we need you all in the circle. And I'd be like, that makes a lot of sense to me. I don't think I'll ever get there. Happy to try. Unsuccessfully.

B (7:17)

Again. Well, it sounds like. It sounds like I was probably hitting with your dad that night.

A (7:23)

You were just, like, in the circle.

C (7:25)

Yeah, he was just trying to avoid it. But your dad is a tough individual.

A (7:33)

He's a tough customer. But you should know, Jake, that he literally. I remember him saying, like, Jake's comedy is so intelligent. He literally said that to me, like, he thought you were so smart.

C (7:45)

Wow. That was so different than the vibe around him. It was. It felt like maybe that's just who he is. It felt like, I know you have regrets about casting me, babe, but we're stuck together, so it would be a lot of, like, I would, like, stand next to him in between takes and do, like, the rubbing of his back, being like, sorry that this sweaty fat guy still here. My guy. And then you'd be like, first team. And I'll be like, let me just chug my way into the scene. So do I literally disappoint everybody? And then, you know, Kutcher was doing his thing. Natalie Portman was doing her thing.

A (8:20)

They can't do wrong.

C (8:21)

They can't do wrong. No, nothing was great.

A (8:24)

Yes. Also, the idea of you after every take, just shuffling over and rubbing my.

B (8:28)

Dad, rubbing his back is so funny.

C (8:30)

The thing where you're just like, you know, it's your dad. You know this more, but you're like, please like me too much.

A (8:36)

I think that generation, though, in general is like, it's different. They don't say the compliment to you. They give you the note and the criticism. And then, like, I heard for most of my life, my father would, like, fan over me to other people. Like, he would say wonderful things, but not as much to me. And then later in his life, when he got, like, softer and sweeter and more gracious, he, like, showered me in it.

C (8:57)

I will say this about that, because I've given this a lot of thought. As Gareth and I age, he won't.

A (9:03)

Not me so much.

C (9:04)

We're not him so much. I mean, Gareth is 22 years old for life.

A (9:11)

For life.

C (9:13)

I miss that generation a lot.

A (9:16)

Me too.

C (9:17)

I miss the generation of, you've gotta work for it. I might say nice things behind your back, but I'll never say it to you.

A (9:25)

Totally.

C (9:25)

And our interaction, it's okay if you have a stomachache and want to impress me. The world we're in now is just so different that there's no comps anymore. And I'm like, even when I like, work now, I have to always remember I'm not working in the business. I Entered. I'm working in this new business and everybody's so much, like, nicer. There's the whole us versus them. The battle, the idea that it was like boxing it. You're like, none of that exists anymore.

A (9:53)

No. And I'm sure this audience relates, even if they're not in showbiz, because what it basically is, is learning your boss. And that generation, you know, is dying, if not dead. And there are plenty of people now where you're like. I remember working for Jason Goldberg Gareth on our fabulous show the Real Wedding Crashers, where I kept saying, yes, sir. I was just. It's just like my nature is to say, yes, sir.

C (10:16)

Totally.

A (10:17)

And I'm not saying it in like a you're so old way. It's more like, I got you, I got you, I respect you. Yes, sir. And he would always be like, knock it off, knock it off. Don't call me that.

C (10:26)

Totally.

A (10:26)

And I think our Jen has a real hard time with being the boss. They have, like weird identity crisis shit going.

C (10:34)

I think our generation's really weird because we were raised by that generation.

A (10:38)

Totally.

C (10:38)

But we see this new generation that we're not.

B (10:42)

My generation.

A (10:43)

Yes. The 20 year olds.

C (10:44)

But they're so. But the younger generation is so different.

A (10:48)

Yeah.

C (10:48)

And they're so confident and they don't have any of that.

B (10:51)

Yeah.

C (10:52)

That. I'm like, oh. I remember very clearly. I worked with John Landis on the thing when I first started and he was given. It was some sketch show. I can't remember what it was, but he was giving me a note and I had. I dissociated because I was like, that's cool. He's here in front of me. And I was like, what am I doing in la and what am I doing? This is crazy. And I did a shower today. Yeah. Even more just. I was literally just hearing him go like. And I was going, like, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

B (11:20)

I'm a star.

C (11:21)

I was like, whoa. I was literally like, jail mate number five. I was like one line in the background, but I was like, I can't believe I'm here. It was like an ad. This is a real. I had a call sheet. What am I doing here? And he literally went, so where I told you to be. And I realized he was yelling at me, but I wasn't hearing it. He just took his hand on my face and pushed me on my mark.

A (11:44)

No.

C (11:45)

Not one. Part of me was offended.

B (11:47)

Right.

A (11:48)

You're like.

C (11:49)

I was like this. And then all of a sudden I felt. I was like, oh. And the ad looked at me, who was an older guy, like, did you get hurt? And I was like, literally. I'm glad he hit me. I wish he would have whipped me. I deserved it.

B (12:01)

What a legend.

C (12:02)

Yeah. Thank you for pushing me in the face because I wasn't listening. Could somebody punch me next time? It was so nothing that now I'm like, if somebody even goes like, hey, could you get your mark? They have to go like, hey, do you mind? You guys were talking. Can you. I'm like, you're allowed to be rude to us. We're just a bunch of actors around. And you're like, oh, it's a new world. But that generation were the bosses, the teachers who we looked up to. And I still love them.

A (12:30)

Oh, me too.

C (12:31)

I love them.

A (12:32)

Can you imagine how confusing. Not to make this the most endless conversation, but quickly, all of a sudden, stepping into my show, Working Moms 10 Years Ago, where I was like 32, and all of a sudden now I'm the boss, I'm the showrunner and the director and all these things. And I remember feeling like, am I supposed to pretend to be my dad? Am I supposed to be. And all the actresses are my age.

C (12:53)

Right.

A (12:53)

So I want them to respect me enough. But I also, I don't want to appear better than anybody. And all the ads are men that are older than me. And so it became like this. For the first season, we made changes, but I just remember feeling like. I mean, talk about identity crisis. I was like, I do not know how to play this at all.

B (13:11)

Such imposter syndrome.

A (13:14)

Beyond.

B (13:14)

Yeah.

C (13:15)

So if you were just to be cheesy right now, because we're in that zone, if you were to give yourself advice from now, so if you could now give that younger version of your advice, what would you say?

A (13:27)

I would say to do exactly what you're doing, because you don't learn unless you push through the mistakes. Yeah.

C (13:34)

Interesting. That's cool.

A (13:35)

I remember saying to myself over and over again, just take it one scene at a time. Let's just go one scene at a time. Because the day can look really intimidating and you can see it's so overwhelming. And we were doing like, you know, we were doing like four day episodes. So we were shooting like, God, like 10 to 12 to 14 pages a day. Just bananas, you know, sitcom work. And, you know, my dad and brother were shooting like two to four pages a day, so. Right. So I just remember being like, let's just do one scene at a time. Let's just learn as we go here, no one knows you're faking it and just go in. I guess you're an actor until you make it.

C (14:10)

But it's very good. It's really true, though. But it's really crazy.

B (14:13)

Well, that is great advice to give yourself, which leads us into the great advice we will be listening to in this episode. Thank you, Katherine and Jake. Without further ado.

C (14:32)

This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

B (14:36)

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B (16:14)

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B (17:25)

Hello.

D (17:27)

Hi.

C (17:28)

Hi. Can we get your name, please?

D (17:32)

My name is Emily.

C (17:33)

Emily. And where are you calling from, Emily?

D (17:36)

I'm calling from Long Island, New York.

C (17:38)

Long Island, New York. You got.

D (17:41)

I tried really hard to say that without an accent.

C (17:44)

You pulled it off.

D (17:45)

I did my best.

C (17:46)

You got the great Cat Reitman joining the show right now. So you got Gareth, you got Cat Reitman, and you got myself. You got three shooters.

D (17:56)

Oh, my God. Hi.

C (17:58)

You are in a good zone, Cat. You got any questions?

A (18:04)

Emily, what's going on with you? Why are you calling in today?

D (18:08)

Okay, So I am 36 years old. I'm a, in the summer. I own a small charter boat company and I'm the captain of my boat.

A (18:19)

Love this.

D (18:20)

And yes. So, but also the vibe that I give off is very Jessica Day. I wear dresses, I have bows in my hair. Um, and I get this phenomenon where I get a lot of men coming to my rescue.

A (18:38)

Interesting.

D (18:39)

Where they're like, can I help you? They're like, they give me a lot of like, like advice and a lot of docking and a lot of. Oh, my God. I never, I never take my boat out because I'm nervous about docking it. But I just saw you do it, so I'll be fine. So it's a lot of condescending men that I have coming to my rescue that are like, can I help you do all of these things? And I, I, they're probably trying to be nice, but I have forgotten more about voting than they probably know. So I, Yeah. So the name of my boat is Siren Song after the Odyssey where they lure men into the air.

A (19:24)

To their own demise.

B (19:26)

Terrible story.

D (19:28)

Yes, great story. Love it. For me, yeah, so I get a lot of, oh, my God, you did such a good job. And it's like, damn distressy, you know? So, yeah, that's my problem.

A (19:43)

It's interesting because there are plenty of jobs where if the Female is the boss. And I'm not saying anything. This is not a hot take. You know, men are threatened by it. But I would imagine that boat captain might be the most classically male job there could be. And that must be incredibly threatening. It sounds like you're capable and you know what you're doing. So is it just them being dicks or. Tell me more about yourself.

D (20:12)

So I am. During the summer I'm a boat captain and during the year I'm a middle school librarian.

B (20:20)

You're like a superhero.

D (20:23)

Yeah, there's not. Yeah, there's not a lot of overlap. I think that I might be the only one with those two.

A (20:29)

Two very different professions.

D (20:31)

Yeah, super different. Yeah, yeah. My family's. I grew up in like a boating family on Long island and then. But I, I'm also, I don't know, I'm also.

C (20:41)

Do me a favor, do me a favor, Emily, just so I can get clear on this a little bit. Because I got, I got the image of you as a jest day type on the boat. I got an image of. And one thing that women don't realize about men is we also do it to each other constantly. So it's not just these men are annoying just to women because we are threatened by them. This is how men speak to each other non stop. All we do is mansplain to each other. So what is this situation that is happening where a guy in another boat would think, if it's a guy. If I'm on a boat and it seems like I'm stuck, a lot of guys are going to go like, you good over there, chief? I wouldn't drop anchor that close, pal. You're going to drop anchor that. Yes, buddy. You're going to drag your ass on the floor and I'll go, nah, I'm good. This is what I want to do. With that much weight, you're going to drag your ass, brother.

D (21:37)

Right.

C (21:38)

So what is happening?

D (21:39)

To get them, I would, yeah. If I was in a predicament, I would accept the help readily. But it's usually just like docking the boat and like I'm the only one on my boat.

C (21:50)

And as you're docking, they do what they say, like, you need a little help. You want to be guided in.

D (21:55)

Yeah. And sometimes. And when I do it, like, because I'm very good at it. So when I do it, it's like, oh my God, you did such a good job. Well, it's like, good girl, you did great. It'll be like, okay, easy, easy. I'm like, yeah, I got it. Yeah.

A (22:10)

Can I ask your male friends who are also captains, have you connected with them and asked if they get this sort of feedback when they're docking?

D (22:17)

They definitely don't because I also. I also run a water taxi on Long island, so my family company is a water taxi, and I have my little small boat. And when I'm on the water taxi, I work with, like a big captain, like, looking guy. Like, he's got a beard and he's like, he, you know, he looks like.

C (22:36)

He looks like if you were gonna.

D (22:37)

Draw a picture, he looks like it, you know, almost every time. Him and I work together on Sundays. And I'll be like, him and I co captain because he captains as well. And he'll say, she taught me everything I know. But everyone thinks that's a joke, but it's not. I literally was. I was his. I trained him on the boat, on my boat, on the water taxi. And then he. And then if I jump behind the helm, like, people will look at him and then look at me and they're like, you're the captain. I'm like, yup. And then they'll laugh. And then I start driving the boat and they're like, wow, I didn't really think you were the captain.

C (23:13)

That happened.

A (23:14)

Can you tell me more about. You mentioned bows and dresses and that's not normal boat attire, let alone, you know, putting gender aside. Can you. Are you wearing a costume? Are you wearing something that attracts. And I'm just, Just kicking all. Kicking all the tires.

C (23:30)

You might be fishing all the time. I'm glad that you asking about me. I know the comments wouldn't be warm.

A (23:38)

I'm allowed.

D (23:39)

I live in navy dresses because it's hot and I don't.

A (23:42)

Okay. It's old Navy. You're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not in like a single crazy.

D (23:46)

No, no.

A (23:47)

Yes. You're not. No, it's not. Japanimation. Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it. Okay, so you're wearing a very reasonable boat attire. You're being spoken down to.

D (24:02)

Put a dress over it instead of, like a shirt.

C (24:04)

This is fine. So I'll allow it if you. I agree. Could you pin the question down as specifically as you can of what we could help you with? Because I.

A (24:17)

Can you imagine she flipped this? Imagine she flipped this and she's like, how do I get a date?

D (24:22)

Yeah. Okay, so my question is, what is an appropriate. What can I say back to these men that doesn't emasculate them? Because we all need to protect fragile egos. And also gives me some sort of, like, power and, like, shows that I have been a boat captain for 10 years. Like, I've.

C (24:48)

Yes, I. That makes. I know what I'm doing.

B (24:51)

Great. I mean, I. I would say that I wouldn't worry about emasculating them a little bit just because it's probably a good way to show how it feels. I mean, I have a couple ideas, but I don't want to pitch too. Yeah, go. What do you got? You go first, G. Well, I would say what you could, like, so you're bringing it in, you're docking, and then is it some of the people who are kind of helping you dock or, like, saying the kind of condescending shit?

D (25:25)

It's usually people, like, screaming from the dock that I'm about to pull into.

B (25:29)

And what are they screaming?

C (25:30)

Yes.

D (25:32)

It's like, a lot of. Do you think that you can fit into this spot? Do you know how to pull in? Can you, like, are you sure you can do this? Do you want me to grab whatever it is and.

B (25:46)

Okay.

D (25:47)

Pull you in? Like, my.

B (25:50)

My first one was going to be maybe a little more specific, assuming, like, people are helping you, like, tie the boat up or whatever, and then they're going, like, gosh, what a good job. But if that's the case, you have a bunch of protocol calls when you're coming into dock, Right. Like, there's a number of things you've got to do to get ready for it. Right. What if you, like, had a laminated sign that you flipped over where it was visible to the people on the dock? That was something along the lines of, like, no need to be impressed. Like, I'm an amazing captain or unsolicited male cheering, like, with a big X through it or something like that. Something that you flip through to just sort of.

D (26:31)

I like that.

B (26:32)

I like tone a little bit.

C (26:33)

You could also going off of that. You could go the opposite. And when they said, do you need help? You could pretend it's your first time and you're confused. So if they go, you need help? You think you could fit? You go, like, I have no idea. I've never done this before. It's my daddy's boat.

B (26:51)

Yeah.

C (26:51)

And so there's this thing of panic of, like, which one's the gas? Which one's the bra? So there's a moment of like, whoa, whoa. And then you do it perfectly, and they go, that was really smooth. And you go like, wow, it's my.

B (27:02)

First time or you could also, off of that, you could almost just be like, I don't know what I'm doing. Everyone get away.

C (27:10)

Move.

B (27:11)

And then just like, you know, get it in there.

A (27:13)

Perfect.

C (27:14)

Yeah. Help. Help, Help, help. And then they all start yelling, back away. And then you go like, I need help, I need help. And they all panic and turn up the volume really loud and pretend you're freaking out. And then you park it perfectly and they go, what was that? And you go like, I'm a fucking 10 year captain, get outta here.

A (27:31)

Unfortunately, all of our advice is gonna be exhausting, right, because it's gonna require you teaching people something. And having been in your position where I've had lots of men around me not taking me seriously, including guys I hired to be cast being like, why are you giving me notes? I've had so many versions of what you're saying, Emily. And when I have attempted to teach lessons, it's been exhausting for me and didn't pay off much. So I. Unfortunately, I think the best advice you're going to get is that you're going to have to make an internal switch where you don't give a fuck. You're going to have to just keep doing your gig and eventually let your reputation build. Now there are all sorts of women out there who make choices in how they appear to be taken more seriously. And it's really unfortunate, right, because you're like, it's hot as balls. I don't want to wear a fucking pantsuit. I want to look, I want to wear an old Navy dress. I want to be myself. I want to be able to express myself. I'm really, I enjoy looking this way. But there are things you can do as far as, like, hey, no, I'm the captain, take me seriously, right? And there's also the Gareth approach where you could put like, you know, you could rename your boat to like, yes, I'm a 35 year old woman and I've been doing this for 10 years or something. You could put something on the damn boat that spells out to step away. I've got this. But I think the biggest piece of advice I can give you is that you're gonna have to make a I don't care choice.

C (28:52)

I got something for you, Emily. What is the most annoying job while docking a boat that is like, essentially, and I'm not a boatman, believe it or not, but I've kind of. Or not. Look at you said that and the chimp fell over.

B (29:10)

Yeah, he didn't like it.

A (29:11)

He didn't have dairy.

C (29:13)

But is there a job that is, like, essentially for, like, the interns, you know? Like, is it. Is it the job that they have to grab the rope and pull it in and tie it around? The kind of job that you, Emily, at this point of your career, the deckhand you can't believe you still have to do?

D (29:30)

Yeah.

C (29:31)

What is that job?

D (29:33)

I mean, not so much on, like, the smaller boat I have, because it's like a small charter boat. But I'm like. I feel like if I can, like, yes, deckhand, please take my. Take the line, you know? Like, I don't know, because it. It, like, it's me. I'm the only one doing anything, so I don't know.

C (29:58)

So here's what I'm trying to get to, Emily. I'm trying to get to. If. If I'm moving furniture, let's say, which I've done a lot of.

A (30:07)

We get it, Jake.

B (30:08)

You're strong. He's strong. He's got a good core. He's built.

A (30:11)

He's got a good shoulders, like a hummingbird.

B (30:14)

Yeah.

C (30:14)

Thick.

D (30:16)

And.

C (30:17)

And this has never happened. But if a man said as I'm walking up the stairs, you sure you got that, honey? I would say, go ahead. I would love to watch you do a big boy. So the thing I'm trying to get.

D (30:31)

That's what my sister told me to do. Because my sister, like, she. That was the advice she gave me. She was like, just make them do everything.

C (30:38)

That's what I'm saying.

D (30:38)

Like, I know, but, Emily, I'm like, but for what? I feel like I need to, like, prove myself and be like, get out of here.

C (30:48)

But who are these goofballs? So this is where I'm on the different page. Prove to who? Somebody goes, if I'm walking my dog. And they go, you sure you know how to take care of that dog? And it takes a. I'm handing them the plastic bag, right?

A (31:02)

They'll go, fair enough.

C (31:04)

Dude, you want to make sure all the shit's off the grass. I go, by all means. So you got some guy who's asking you if you need help. Sure I do. Grab the rope, do all the grunt work. And then they'll go, is this your first time? You go, no, I've been doing this for 20 years. And they go, well, you know how to do all this. And you go, I didn't ask you to be involved. You got involved in my business. There's work to be done. You know what else you could do? Clean the sides of it. Make sure before I come back, you scrub all the stuff off. And they go like, I'm not cleaning your boat. And you go, why are you even talking to me? I thought you were volunteering for work. What do you want, a buck? I'll give you a buck. Give you a sandwich. But they're volunteering for free work. Put them to work. If you have stuff on your boat you want to unload, they go, you need any help? You go like this. Yeah. All those boxes in the back need to go to my car. I'm going to be getting a nice tea, and soon they're gonna go, this lady can't do anything. And then they're gonna go, why am I moving her boxes?

B (31:58)

How. How. How often are you dealing with, like, the same people, Emily? Like, how.

A (32:02)

How much regulars.

B (32:04)

Do you feel like it's regulars doing this? Yeah.

D (32:07)

Well, so a lot of what I do is bringing people to, like, other bars and restaurants, like, in different areas. Like, I've done that a lot. And so it's, like, very often, like, drunk men.

B (32:23)

All right.

D (32:23)

In their 20s and 30s that are.

B (32:25)

Like, yeah, I gotta. I gotta pitch on that. But like, yeah, all right, how about this? You carry an extra, like, wheel with you for when you're bringing it in for a dock. And when a guy asks if he can help, you, hand him the wheel and say, yeah, the wheel fell off. I don't know what to do. And then just go about your business and start doing your work and be a little showmany about it. Show woman.

C (32:49)

That's fun.

B (32:50)

What if you do it like, it's like. It's a kitty. Kitty wheel. So, like. Like, yeah, your kid in the backyard has their little fake car. Yeah. And you could give him, like, a little kitty wheel.

C (33:01)

A little boy captain.

B (33:02)

Hat, a little boy cap, or a toy boat. And you go, I think this one's more your speed. I got the big boy, you know, or whatever. Something like that.

A (33:11)

I think giving a mini captain's hat to a man trying to help you sends a very loud, direct message.

B (33:18)

It's a way to. Especially if it's that sort of thing that will embarrass real quick and just go like. Like, if there's a way to frame that where you're like, how about a little pin?

C (33:29)

A pin that says, I asked a boat captain if I could help because I'm a captain, too.

B (33:34)

I'm a captain in my head.

C (33:36)

I love that I'm a big. Because I'm a. I'm A big boy captain, too.

A (33:39)

And then you finish the whole thing.

D (33:41)

Maker in the library.

B (33:45)

It's like, finish. Go ahead.

A (33:48)

No, go ahead, Gareth.

B (33:50)

Well, I was just gonna say, it's like when a little kid goes on a plane and you get the wings.

A (33:53)

Yeah, that's exactly right. And then you've wrapped the whole thing up by saying, now what do you do, sir? And ask them what their profession is and be like, all right, let me know if Monday morning I can come in and show you how to do your job.

C (34:05)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't get in the whole ending, though, like that. Because now you're dealing with a drunk and you're. But I'm not saying it for the guy's sake. I'm saying, like, it's the same thing if, like, somebody asks an actor for a photo and the person doesn't want to and they go like, why would you ask? They're asking because they've seen. Why are you creating this moment? The drunk guy is saying, you want help? So all we're looking to do is speed up Emily's moment, humiliate the guy a little bit. Why did I do that? And then have one of the friends go, look at you. You had a big boy captain button.

A (34:42)

Yeah, right. Hot shot. You're.

B (34:46)

Mine's good.

C (34:48)

I'm a hot shot big boy captain. Or. I like the idea. I just asked a 15 year. Like, how many years do you have on it? Or what's your. What's your boat captain title? Like, the highest ranking. Is it just captain or do you, like, earn more tears as you go?

A (35:04)

You black.

D (35:04)

Oh, I'm.

C (35:05)

That's what I was.

D (35:06)

A u. S. Coast Guard 50 with a 50 ton master upgrade.

C (35:09)

This is what I'm talking about. That's exactly what I was.

B (35:12)

I just asked a coast guard master.

C (35:16)

Yeah, I mean, if they needed help docking their boat.

A (35:23)

It's going to be a big button.

C (35:24)

Yeah, fine.

B (35:26)

Something like that. I mean, you could make a few, obviously, if you have access to a button maker, which is the dream for all of us, but you could make a few that are just like that level of like. It's like giving. It's like someone won the man's plain blue ribbon, essentially.

A (35:44)

Yeah.

B (35:44)

And if you do that in front of buddies who are drunk on a boat, that they'll be talking about that for the rest of the day and it's fun for you. It's like giving out a prize. It is like. It's not too aggressive.

C (35:57)

I think it's interesting.

D (35:58)

I do too Yeah, I think I like that. I was like. I feel like sometimes when I'm like, bro, leave me alone. Like, I'm coming off, like, aggressive, and I don't want to.

B (36:05)

Well, yeah, but the problem is I.

D (36:09)

Like the passive aggressive.

B (36:10)

Yeah. I think for this, if you're getting.

A (36:13)

A laugh and you're getting a laugh big. Yeah, yeah.

C (36:17)

But let. Emily, let me ask you a question just so I can get a. A better sense of this. So the guys, while you're parking, are not boat people.

D (36:28)

They might be. They. I mean, everybody on Long island thinks they're a boat person.

C (36:32)

I got you.

E (36:32)

Okay.

C (36:33)

Like, they're just like, guys who drive a boat.

D (36:37)

Yeah. I'm. I mean, if they've seen a boat, they're both understood. Like, it's. Yeah. South Long Island. That's. That's the vibe.

C (36:44)

Okay. So what we're really trying to humiliate is it's essentially if Michael Jordan was shooting hoops at a park and somebody goes like, you need help with your shot?

B (36:55)

Yeah.

C (36:55)

Because if you move your shoulders, it could go in. And rather than going like, I'm Michael Jordan and you're just some dude near a park, a pin that lets.

D (37:04)

I'm definitely not the Michael Jordan, but.

C (37:06)

Definitely compared to these guys, you are.

B (37:11)

Yeah.

C (37:11)

The guy who looked like a real fisherman. You're the one who taught him.

D (37:16)

Yeah.

C (37:17)

Sounds like MJ to me.

D (37:18)

Yeah.

A (37:19)

You go make yourself some pins, Emily.

C (37:22)

But let's be. Let's try to pitch on what that pin says so it's very clean. Because what I don't want is a guy gets the pit and goes like, thanks.

A (37:30)

The hell is this?

C (37:31)

Do you. Do you need help?

D (37:34)

Right?

C (37:34)

I'm happy to wear this.

D (37:35)

Let's be clear.

C (37:36)

Yeah. Do you want me to put this on while I help you? I'm confused. Most of us in the boat world don't give pins. We, you know, dock boats.

D (37:46)

Honestly, I liked men splitting blue ribbon. That was this.

C (37:51)

That's funny.

D (37:52)

Maybe we can work on that. I like.

B (37:53)

Yeah, like you said, you can make a few. One could say, I think I'm a captain. One could say, not at all a captain.

C (38:02)

I'm not a captain, but I offer advice.

B (38:05)

Yeah, okay. I'm not a captain.

C (38:09)

A fake captain.

B (38:10)

Doc, what about.

A (38:11)

What about I helped a captain today? I'm trying to think of, like, what would say on, like, my son, you.

C (38:18)

Know, like, yeah, totally. Or boat captain junior make believe captain. How about boat captain helper deck hand?

D (38:28)

Like that.

A (38:29)

I'm just gonna put this out there. That there are certain, especially if drunk, you're gonna piss some guys off. And because it is emasculating and it is making a joke, some guys are gonna take it and roll it, and their friends are gonna laugh at them, and it's gonna be exactly what you want. But I'm just gonna warn you that already on top of a situation that's coming off a little bit hostile to you. Cause you're taking it personally, right? That this pin might offend. And you're gonna have to use your incredible female thermometer to sense out which kind of guy you're going to give this pin to to not get yourself in a hairy situation. I just want to, for liability purposes, give this to you.

C (39:08)

Why don't we talk about something that Gareth said earlier?

A (39:11)

So therefore sounds like a mistake.

B (39:13)

No, it doesn't. Sounds good.

C (39:14)

We haven't nailed is what the pin says. But what if there is just a banner that you put on the front of your boat while you're docking it with, like, that literally just says, 10 year captain, all the credentials or don't need help.

B (39:33)

It could also say, right, don't talk to the captain while docking.

C (39:37)

Yeah. Don't, in quotes, help the captain.

B (39:41)

Don't help the cat.

C (39:41)

Or say sir, comma, please don't help.

A (39:46)

Varying. We've seen varying degrees of this, right? Like if you go to a touristy thing, it's like, please don't feed the pigeons.

B (39:51)

Whatever.

A (39:51)

The thing is, we're all used to it. And when you see that, you're like, all right, I'm not going to be the asshole that does that thing.

C (39:58)

You already started and you read it. It's a really fun, humiliating thing. If I'm with a group of friends, well. And one of them goes like, hey, you need help? And I see the sign, I'll go, like, literally read the sign. But she doesn't have to do a move where she hands that aggressive guy something. He's already getting busted.

B (40:17)

Do you say anything up top when you're. When you're starting the voyage?

A (40:22)

Emily Spiel.

C (40:23)

That's cool.

D (40:24)

I do if it's the water taxi, because there's, like a lot of people and they're kind of there for a tour. And that's. That's the vibe for that boat. But for the little one, not really, because it's only like six people, and it's usually like a family or friends going out for a ride.

A (40:44)

She also said it was like, guys just on the dock, right, that weren't on your boat.

C (40:48)

Yeah, yeah.

D (40:48)

It's not the people on the boat. They know I know.

B (40:51)

So there you go.

C (40:52)

I got one, too. A horn that as they're talking, you're pressing the horn. So you do the rhythm game, the sound game, where whenever they're talking, you hit the horn and then go, what? So they go like, hey, do you need burn? And then as you're going it. Whenever they try to talk, you're drowning them up. And then you park perfectly and you go, I couldn't hear you. I was.

B (41:16)

Or what if you also get some of those, like, ear muffy things? Things that the people that work at the airport put on. You could just put those on as you're bringing it in.

A (41:25)

Just block them out.

D (41:26)

Just very clearly contact and put the. Put the headphones on.

C (41:32)

Yeah, but even if you mime it, if they go, you want help? Do the finger up. And then you go like this. So they'll think you've got something in your ears. So they'll even go like, all right. And then when you get off and they realize they don't, they'll go like, what the. She mimed having headphones on, and I bought it.

B (41:48)

I mean, we've given you a shitload of options.

A (41:52)

Which one do you like? A shipload.

D (41:55)

Very good. I do like the pins.

B (41:58)

Okay.

D (41:59)

I do like the pins. Because then I don't really have to talk to them. I can just hand them a pin and walk past them. Or, like.

C (42:10)

What do you like that pin saying?

D (42:15)

I like, Boat Captain Helper likes that one.

C (42:19)

That's, by the way, afraid.

A (42:20)

She ain't afraid.

C (42:21)

By the way. If it just says Boat Captain Helper. That's not mean. If I'm. If I'm saying, hey, do you need help? And the lady just kind of nods at me and doesn't do anything and then doesn't say thanks or anything. Just walks by and hands me a pin that says Boat Captain Helper. I'll go, thank. I will be embarrassed.

B (42:40)

Yes.

C (42:40)

But I won't feel like she's saying you.

B (42:42)

I agree.

C (42:43)

And it's not saying like, man, let.

D (42:45)

Me teach you a lesson of men.

C (42:47)

It's just that I just go like. I guess I wasn't totally.

A (42:51)

I think, because I wouldn't do the one that said Junior on it.

C (42:54)

Like, yeah, Boat Captain Junior. And then you can even say thanks. You go like this. Thanks for the help.

B (42:59)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

D (43:01)

Yeah.

C (43:01)

And they go like. I like, yeah, no problem.

D (43:03)

You did great.

C (43:04)

Yeah, that's what I would say.

B (43:05)

And they're drunk.

C (43:06)

I would go, thank you. You did great, buddy. And treat him like a kid like this. Hey, and you guys so good.

B (43:12)

He couldn't have done that without you.

C (43:13)

Hey, thanks for the help, buddy.

B (43:15)

That was huge.

C (43:16)

Thanks for the help. He'd go like this, hey, thanks for the help, captain.

B (43:20)

Yeah.

C (43:20)

And then give him a boat captain helper. And then they will, deep down, go kind of out of control. I offered help to a boat captain. I don't know why I did that. I thought I was being really cool, but.

A (43:32)

Emily, are we hitting a target for you? Does this feel good?

D (43:35)

Yeah, no, this is great. Because I was. I was looking for something to say, but this is much better.

B (43:40)

Yeah.

D (43:41)

Like, then I have to actually engage with someone.

B (43:44)

Yeah.

D (43:44)

This is less. And because it happens all the time. Like, it happened two times. I had my friends out. It happened two times while they were out on the boat with me. It happened when I pulled into one dock and then when I pulled into the second dock. It happens all the time.

C (43:57)

So I really like this pin and I really like a sincere smile and a wink that you just go, thanks, captain.

B (44:06)

Yeah.

C (44:07)

And you're treating them the way the flight attendants and the pilot treat kids. When a kid gets off a plane, they go like this, hey, you did great on that flight. The kid goes like, wow, thanks. I just sat there and watched screens and Drake Sprite.

B (44:23)

It also is like.

C (44:24)

It killed it.

B (44:25)

It's fun for you. I mean, it is a. It's just like. It'll be more fun than just sort of sitting there stewing.

D (44:31)

Yeah, definitely. That's.

B (44:33)

Yeah.

A (44:33)

Yes. You have an.

D (44:34)

I'm in for that.

C (44:35)

You got something and you got access.

B (44:37)

To a button maker. I mean, it's meant to be. Well, why don't you send us pictures of the buttons and maybe you can. I mean, just keep us posted, let us know how it's going. But that sounds perfect.

C (44:49)

Yeah, I think so, too.

D (44:50)

I will definitely do that. Yeah. This is great. You guys were very helpful.

B (44:56)

Can I give a compliment? Thank you, Kathy.

C (44:57)

Can I give a compliment to the show and you, Emily?

B (45:01)

Agreed.

C (45:02)

This one started. It was. It was hard. It was a little heavy. Then Cat went, let's get deep on this. Oh, didn't she?

B (45:11)

Yes.

D (45:12)

I love it. I love it. And to. To be fair, new girl and working moms are in my rewatch always. It's always on in my house.

A (45:21)

Thanks. Sound the.

C (45:22)

Like, she had loved that for us. I just. We just found out Kat had a hard time on working moms being the Female boss.

D (45:29)

Oh, my God.

A (45:30)

For sure, for sure.

C (45:32)

But just to compliment us.

D (45:34)

Crap out there.

C (45:34)

Here we're entering heavier themes. Mostly do. What do I do if my socks smell bad and Gareth will say something like, rub cheese on them or eat them.

B (45:46)

Try to eat them. Try to eat them. It'll make you feel bad about what you're having. Yeah. You fix the problem.

C (45:51)

I would say something like, listen, rub on your neck so your neck smells worse.

B (45:55)

Yeah.

D (45:56)

I'm teaching the middle schoolers and I was looking through a book and it said that the same bacteria that grows in your feet is the one that grows in blue cheese. So.

B (46:05)

All right, Emily, thanks for the call. Appreciate it, Emily.

D (46:09)

Love that for us.

B (46:10)

Love that for us.

C (46:11)

Bye. Hey, how you doing?

D (46:18)

I'm doing good, thank you. How are you?

C (46:20)

Good. Did you email the show?

D (46:23)

I did email the show.

C (46:24)

Would you email the show just to remind us and the audience?

D (46:28)

I emailed the show asking whether you wanted any help with an artist with a specific call. And I also write on the end.

C (46:34)

Yes, I know exactly what this is. And yeah, yeah, this was a very good, very good idea by old Jakester and Kat. I'm glad you're here for this. So you are an artist. Yeah. You're a painter. Sorry, Jake, she's a painter.

B (46:51)

Okay.

C (46:52)

It just. You swallowed it and you've painted something and you would like to show us and get our opinion on it.

D (46:57)

Uh. Oh, I would, yeah. I assume Gareth wasn't there when you recorded that original Squarespace advert.

C (47:03)

No. Oh. So will you tell us what I said in the Squarespace ad? We were doing our ad separately, Gareth and I. On an ad. I don't remember this part of it.

B (47:13)

You're a lunatic.

C (47:14)

What did I say in the Squarespace ad?

D (47:17)

Somewhere along the way, you said if somebody would like to make a website for Jake and Pam's love story.

B (47:24)

Pam's my mother cat.

C (47:26)

Me and Pam have this crazy back.

B (47:29)

Oh, it's all a lie, Catherine.

C (47:31)

It's not a lie.

B (47:32)

It is a lie. Okay, so wait, can we get your name first of all, caller, just real quick.

D (47:37)

Amy.

B (47:38)

All right, Amy. So Jake asked you to.

C (47:41)

I said on the ad, if anybody's making an ad, you want to make one about me and Pam's love story, just make it and send it in.

A (47:47)

I love this. I do this. And I also.

B (47:49)

I don't.

A (47:50)

I also, like. Good for you, Jake. I've seen him. She's hot as hell.

C (47:56)

She's flirty.

B (47:57)

She's not flirty. Is it Jake's out of his mind.

C (48:01)

Can I talk without being interrupted for one second?

B (48:04)

No, Quite frankly, because the things you're gonna say are nonsense.

C (48:07)

I tried. Yeah. So Pam is flirty and fun.

A (48:14)

Yeah.

C (48:14)

And she likes the gamemanship of it. She'll say things like, oh, my God. I said, like, I would love her on sugar. Like, he hasn't seen me lately. He wouldn't know. He doesn't want to see me in video. So it's like, you know, we're having a good time, she's asking him to leave her alone, we send each other naked pics. Who cares?

B (48:30)

All righty.

C (48:33)

It's not genitals and face. It's just genitals.

A (48:36)

Just gents. Just.

B (48:38)

No.

D (48:40)

I'm so glad that it's Cat here because Jesse mentioned there'd be another guest, and I was really afraid it was going to be.

B (48:44)

Oh, yes, sorry.

C (48:46)

So, Amy, can you now take over and let us know what you got? Is it. Are we gonna see something?

D (48:55)

Yeah. So in my email, I said I'd be happy to do anything related to what Jake wanted there. And let the record reflect that I sent many examples of very clothed paintings that I'd done.

B (49:07)

Well, that is a terrible bit of Runway into whatever was about to happen.

C (49:11)

And what were the back and forths, Amy?

D (49:14)

The back and forth was Jake said, haha, these are fantastic. A tasteful nude would be hilarious.

C (49:21)

I think it would be. And have you painted a tasteful nude?

D (49:26)

I have. I think I've sent it across to Jessica.

A (49:30)

Hold on, hold on. Before we get into this for the ignorant, this is a representation of Jake and Garrett's mother's love story. And we're with the added context that they're both nude in a tasteful way. Yes.

C (49:44)

Jake Rickman ends up right there.

B (49:46)

It's like. It's like when. It's like if you're. If you're texting with a guy and the guy just wants to see your breasts. So he goes, huh, Can I see your boobs? Ha ha ha. Like, he's trying to be like, ha, ha ha. I'm just kidding around. So Jake asked for a tasteful nude of my mother, and him and Amy here, for some reason, allows this to happen. So let's just get it over, rip the bandage off.

A (50:07)

It is my biggest wish that Jake is completely dressed, ideally the way he is today, like, very casually and completely naked.

C (50:15)

Same. I wouldn't tuxedo either.

D (50:19)

No.

B (50:20)

You know, Amy, you're excited for Cat to be here. This is the first time I've Been.

C (50:23)

Unexcited that she's here, but I agree. Cat. If I'm totally casual and she's naked, great.

A (50:30)

Eating a sandwich.

C (50:31)

If we're both naked, great.

B (50:33)

I'll tell you my.

A (50:34)

Sure.

B (50:35)

Jake's totally naked. She's just in her house, like, looking out the window, freaked out. Okay, We've all got.

C (50:40)

Why would you want me naked?

A (50:41)

Why would you want.

C (50:42)

Creep. That's your dream. I'm not your buddy.

B (50:46)

Natalie, let's just see this.

A (50:47)

Spiraling. He is spiraling.

B (50:49)

You're spiraling. Everyone's spiraling but me.

D (50:54)

Amy.

A (50:55)

Amy, I love what you've done here. First of all, way to represent a. A normal woman's breasts.

C (51:01)

The breasts feel like they're so hot.

A (51:04)

They feel like they're like a woman who's seen life. They're. They're.

B (51:07)

This is the. And I. I'm not kidding. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. And I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

A (51:16)

What do you like about it?

B (51:17)

Every part of it's problematic.

C (51:19)

It's Adam and Eve right there. That's.

A (51:22)

Look at the tattoo.

D (51:23)

Jake's are biting his eyes because he's a gentleman.

C (51:25)

Yeah. So the tattoo says, Pam.

A (51:30)

He'S a fan.

C (51:30)

And what do we just got, like a little loincloth over our genitals? Look at Pam's face, how good it is.

A (51:35)

Look at your toes, Jake. Wait, scroll down. Look at the pearl.

C (51:39)

Yeah.

A (51:39)

You're aroused.

C (51:41)

Amy, you got some.

A (51:43)

Yeah, for sure.

C (51:45)

Can you go up? Oh, look at that.

A (51:47)

Now, Amy, are you at a place in your career where you're taking notes, or are you.

B (51:51)

I got a note for notes. I got a note.

D (51:53)

I got a note.

C (51:55)

Yeah, I'll take a look.

A (51:56)

Okay. I'm finding that you captured an element of Jake's eyes. Like, I see. But they're a little bit. They're a little bit like he isn't. Like, he might be dull. I wish they were a little more focused. But I find that you got the color and sort of like, Jake has these, like. Like sweet dog eyes. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's.

B (52:18)

I don't think we need to do notes. I think what we should do is get rid of. I don't think we should.

C (52:22)

You know. Can I give a note on Pam? She looks hungry, doesn't she?

A (52:27)

She does.

C (52:28)

Look at her face. She looks like a little bit of, like a. Like a serpent.

D (52:32)

Oh.

C (52:33)

Like this is it. Like, you see how over the boobs, there's. That Snake.

A (52:36)

She's having fun.

C (52:38)

She's having fun, but she's also. I'm scared, aren't I?

B (52:41)

What is happening?

C (52:42)

Look at me turning away because Mama Pam is hungry.

A (52:47)

Amy, when you were drawing, painting this, were you thinking to yourself, pam, this.

C (52:53)

Could be heaven or this could be hell?

A (52:55)

Pam clearly doesn't have this in the male relationships in her life. I don't know. With a son, maybe. And so now. What are you talking about?

B (53:06)

What are you even talking about?

A (53:07)

She's hungry for male connection. And it's as if a song never filled her up.

D (53:12)

People dreaming of this.

C (53:13)

She's dreaming of it. No, Amy, as an artist, because I. I think you've nailed Pam. She's dreaming of this, but what is. As the artist, what's Jake thinking about there?

A (53:24)

What's he got? What's going on there?

C (53:26)

Because he's looking away, but he's. She's marked him respectfully.

D (53:31)

He's tastefully averting his eyes.

C (53:32)

I agree. And in your eyes, what happened before this or what's about to happen?

B (53:36)

I don't think we need an answer to that question, I'll tell you that much.

C (53:39)

I don't think we need an answer on the line. Shut the hell up, Gareth.

A (53:43)

And are they on a Keep turning your head, dick.

C (53:47)

Oh, it's about to start.

A (53:49)

It's gone.

B (53:50)

All right, that's where we'll leave it. Amy, thanks for the painting. Thanks for the call. Appreciate it. Good luck with everything. You won't be calling the show again. You won't be on the show again. Thanks a bunch. All right. Thank you. Appreciate it. Don't mail it to Jake, no matter what he writes back. And I'm not kidding. Thanks so much. Appreciate you.

D (54:04)

Yeah.

C (54:04)

Amy, well, you did a wonderful job. And. Did you send it to Jesse? Is that where it's at? Or is it just an image I sent?

D (54:11)

I sent the picture.

A (54:11)

Yeah.

C (54:13)

I'm going to get my hands on.

D (54:13)

This in my flat in Edinburgh, Scotland, but.

C (54:16)

Okay.

B (54:16)

They won't ship you.

D (54:17)

They're not making it anywhere.

B (54:18)

No, we'll make it. All right, Amy. Thanks a bunch. Appreciate it. Amy, take care. What you did was a war crime. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye. Hey, everyone. Sweet Jesse here. This next call is a follow up to episode 201, the pickle and Chip Classic. Be sure to tune in next Monday where we will announce the winner of the Classic and get a full game.

C (54:45)

Breakdown from the guys.

B (54:49)

Hello.

C (54:51)

Hello.

B (54:52)

Hi. Welcome back.

E (54:54)

Well, thank you very much. Thank you for having me back.

B (54:57)

You're welcome. Listen, you got Jake, you got me. And you have Kat Reitman joining us, who doesn't know what this is, but to be quite honest, neither do we. So what was the first call and what's going on now? What's your name?

E (55:12)

My name is Taylor. And gentlemen, we are just a few days away from the Pickle and Chip Classic.

B (55:17)

Oh.

C (55:21)

So Taylor, really fast for Kat Reitman. Recap what this situation is for her. So she is fully caught up with us.

E (55:32)

Okay, so I, I am a pickleball coach. It's what I do here in Sedona, Arizona. And I have a brother in law who we were together at a family outing and he started telling me that he would whoop my butt in pickleball just because of his natural athletic talents. So we got into a little bit, argued back and forth. I kept telling him, there's no way you're going to win. And so I called the guys and said, you know, what do I do here? Do I play him and try and beat him in front of the family? Do I come up with another solution? Do we put a bet on it? And so the, the gentleman came up with a plan. We have a bet in place now. We are doing this match on Friday.

C (56:16)

Oh, my. Loser has to serve.

E (56:18)

Loser has to serve the whole family dinner in a elephant trunk Speedo. It has become pretty huge. It's pretty awesome.

C (56:28)

So Taylor, before we start, what is your brother in law's name again?

E (56:33)

Brian.

C (56:34)

Brian. And what is happening with the family, the game, the buildup? We know we got Brian on here too. He's not on right now. Just walk us through what is happening since this started with your guys's family.

E (56:49)

Yeah. So when the episode dropped, it went, you know, I guess viral within my family. Right. Everybody was, my mom was sending it to all family members. You know, everybody's into it. So it has become quite the big deal. I have aunts that are coming to the match already made. Oh, my God, they've already made T shirts. They've got T shirts with, I hope me. I think they're rooting for me. Brian's got a few of his brothers coming, his kids. And then Brian has another buddy that does like YouTube videos. So he's gonna come out and film it.

C (57:24)

Oh, yeah, we've got a lot of people email in wanting to go to this match. By the way, Taylor who live in the air. So we have a joke.

E (57:31)

We finally got it booked. We have a court that I'm happy to share if people want to come. It's you Know, middle of Phoenix, if they're in the area.

C (57:39)

Are there stairs?

E (57:42)

I don't know. So it's. It's Brian's neighborhood court area. There's like 24 courts.

A (57:46)

So I gave Brian the advantage here.

B (57:49)

Truth.

E (57:51)

Yeah, but he wasn't going to come up here, Kat.

D (57:53)

He's.

E (57:54)

He's not going anywhere.

C (57:55)

He's happy and he's.

A (57:56)

And who would you say, Taylor, who is the underdog in this situation? Because I'm. I'm feeling for Brian here. I mean, he was the cocky guy who called you out. No doubt. You did the right thing. But you. You're kind of. You're officially a professional at this. Yes. You're a coach.

C (58:10)

Brian just. Would you call a coach a professional?

A (58:13)

Good question.

C (58:14)

I mean, I know he coaches.

E (58:16)

Jake.

C (58:16)

Yes, Taylor.

E (58:17)

Oh, since we talked, I'm now a sponsored pickleball athlete.

A (58:23)

Let's go.

C (58:26)

The episode dropping.

E (58:28)

Host. The episode dropping. I don't know if maybe you guys helped me out a little bit.

B (58:32)

Maybe somebody heard it 10%.

E (58:35)

We can make that work.

B (58:36)

Ye.

C (58:37)

Yeah.

B (58:37)

Well, I.

C (58:38)

Actually, you're our first pro.

B (58:40)

We saw a couple pictures of you and you do look pro.

C (58:43)

Athletic. Athletic like you do.

B (58:45)

Wow, you do.

E (58:46)

That's nice of you.

C (58:47)

Yeah. But let me tell you a little bit about Brian, all right?

B (58:50)

He's hot.

C (58:50)

Okay. Brian. Brian ain't no joke.

A (58:54)

Tell me about it.

C (58:55)

Brian tough.

A (58:56)

He built it, right?

C (58:58)

No, we're talking to Taylor right now.

B (59:00)

Brian.

C (59:01)

Brian, the other guy.

A (59:04)

Yes.

C (59:05)

He ain't no joke.

B (59:06)

No.

A (59:06)

Okay, we got a real competition.

B (59:09)

Well, why don't we. Okay, okay. Well, we know where we're at. I mean, look, unless you have any more questions for Taylor. Cat. Because we do have Brian here, too.

A (59:18)

Oh, boy.

E (59:19)

I got one more thing I gotta tell you.

B (59:20)

All right, let's go.

E (59:23)

So my buddy is coming to announce it, and he will be wearing your vest. Gareth.

C (59:29)

Oh, my God.

B (59:31)

I don't even know how we update you on this. Cat.

C (59:34)

First of all, this cat is getting too weird.

B (59:39)

No, no, no. Cliff Notes.

A (59:40)

Should we just blow past it?

B (59:41)

Cliff Notes. I bought a vest from Target. I liked it. I was mocked for it.

A (59:46)

Hold on. I'm sorry, you do have to slow down. Is this a, like, it's cold outside puffer vest or.

C (59:51)

Hold on, cat. No, this is because we were on YouTube and he wanted to look cute, so he showed up to work.

B (59:56)

When I'm answering your question, it was.

C (59:57)

A perm and a new vest. That was insane looking.

A (60:01)

I know exactly the perm you're talking about.

C (60:03)

A weird necklace and such tight clothes and face. I was like, puffer, are you? And he goes, I can't wear a vest.

B (60:11)

Wait a. Jake didn't even want to talk about it. I wore a puffer vest. Then for our 200th, he's got eyeliner on.

C (60:17)

I sent some photos of guys with eyeliner and I said, don't go down this phase, my friend.

B (60:21)

I will.

A (60:22)

Yeah, yeah. It's a good friend. That's.

B (60:23)

So I wear. I wear the 200. I wear. Hold on. I wear the best to the 200.

A (60:29)

The hair, even just the hair moves in the last few years. It's another conversation. It's too much. It's too much.

C (60:34)

It's not Gareth.

A (60:36)

No. It's not.

C (60:37)

The chokers. The perm.

B (60:39)

The chokers with your purse. Target. I had a vest from Target. I wore a vest from Target. I wore it to our live 200th on Patreon. It got mocked. We ended it by saying, we're gonna start letting people have the vest like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. So the vest is now travel in the country. It's got a spreadsheet. It's got all this stuff. But so the vest, currently it's going.

A (61:08)

To be at this game.

C (61:09)

It's literally now in its third location.

A (61:11)

So this vest has traveled. It's now coming to this match.

B (61:14)

Yes. So the vestige. So that's another layer which is big. It is beautiful.

C (61:18)

Insider baseball, which has been.

A (61:20)

Sure. Let's move on. Let's move on.

C (61:22)

On.

A (61:22)

I asked quickly. Yeah, I want to talk to Brian, but do you guys already have a pick of who you think is going to win?

B (61:28)

I do.

C (61:28)

Taylor.

B (61:29)

Taylor.

A (61:30)

Okay, we think Taylor. Let's hear Brian.

C (61:31)

Yeah.

B (61:32)

I think Brian is running on confidence, but let's bring him in. Why don't we do that?

C (61:35)

Taylor, you good with that bully ball? Can work.

E (61:37)

I'm ready.

B (61:38)

All right.

C (61:38)

All right.

B (61:39)

So here we go. All right, so now we've got. We've got Taylor. And now we've welcomed Brian. Brian, just so you know, we've been talking to Taylor. You've got Jake, myself, and you've got our guest helper. Our fan favorite, Kathryn Reitman is joining us, too. So.

E (61:55)

Hey, Brian, how are you guys doing today?

B (61:58)

Steven, the first thoughts on the boys.

D (62:00)

Okay.

A (62:01)

Okay. This is a man. This is a man who's not afraid to play ball. That's what I hear.

C (62:06)

Brian, can I ask you a quick question?

B (62:08)

It's like talking to Paul Bunyan.

C (62:09)

Hey, Brian.

E (62:10)

Yes, sir.

C (62:11)

What's going to happen when you and Taylor play pickleball on Friday.

E (62:16)

He'S gonna get a taste of his own medicine.

B (62:20)

You know, he reminds me of Randall Tex Cobb. Remember the actors?

A (62:25)

Who's that?

B (62:26)

All right, keep going. Go ahead, Brian.

A (62:28)

Jesus, Gareth.

C (62:29)

And so, Brian, what have we missed since this episode aired? I'm glad you haven't lost your confidence. Where you at here, Big Dog?

A (62:39)

Big Dog, Just.

E (62:41)

Just been practicing.

C (62:43)

And how do you feel your game is?

E (62:47)

It's good enough.

C (62:48)

And how do you. Where Bry Guy? Where do you get that confidence? And I'm not trying to question you in a bad way. View this as like a pregame interview. I'm Aaron Andrews. You're Brian the pickleball champ. But where do you get that confidence going against a guy who teaches it? Because you don't talk like a guy who thinks you're going to lose. You're talking like a guy who at a game of pickleball, with your natural athleticism and your mind power, you are going to beat them. Just walk us through how.

E (63:18)

I'm just an athlete. I'm very good at sports.

A (63:22)

Damn.

E (63:23)

I catch on to things very easily. And every sport I've ever played, I excel at. I mean, I know Taylor has maybe what, a lacrosse background, I believe. And you know, that's awesome and all, but, you know, I played baseball at a very elite level for 30 years of my life.

B (63:46)

Brian's calling from jail. Cat, we should point that out.

C (63:49)

That's his interesting.

A (63:51)

Listen, Brian guy, I'm still in a. Jake. It's too good. First of all, I think we all can say that your confidence is inspiring and astounding. It's attractive. That being said, I'm team Taylor.

C (64:04)

You are.

A (64:07)

I want Taylor to wipe the floor with you, Brian. Not because. Because the confidence coming off Brian while inspiring and I could use some of it, frankly. He's coming for someone who's trained in this particular field. This guy's mouthing off about how he's played sports. Enough, Taylor, show him how it's done.

C (64:25)

Let me say this before I say something really fast. Earlier, before you got on Bri Guy, I said, I think I'm for Taylor. I think I'm in Bry's camp.

B (64:35)

Not surprised at all. Why not?

C (64:37)

Surprise? Have you ever seen the movie Karate Kid?

A (64:39)

Sure have.

C (64:40)

Who are you gonna. Who are you cheering for?

B (64:43)

What are you talking about? You're cheering for the bad guy.

C (64:46)

Of course, in karate was what? Oh, look at this.

B (64:50)

Oh, my God.

A (64:52)

I just want to remind you guys.

D (64:53)

What they look Like.

C (64:54)

Like. So we just.

A (64:55)

So, Taylor, tag.

C (64:59)

So, Br. Guy, what is. What are you throwing up here with the thumb and the finger going up?

E (65:05)

It's shaka bra.

C (65:07)

Right?

A (65:08)

Right. It's. Hang loose. It's. How fun. It's fun. Guy.

C (65:11)

Guys, really quickly. Taylor, do you have any advice you could give to Bri. Brian, about the match as a coach?

D (65:19)

Yeah.

E (65:20)

I mean, yeah, just get the. The swimsuit trunks ready and prepare for loss.

C (65:26)

Okay. And Brian, do you have any final words that you could say to Taylor before the match?

E (65:33)

Just show up, buddy. Show up.

C (65:34)

Oh, boy.

B (65:35)

I will say I didn't know Brian spelled his name. B, R, Y, O, N. Brian.

A (65:41)

How's it make you feel, Gareth?

B (65:42)

I don't. I don't. I. I feel more intimidated. He's gonna get his bry on.

A (65:49)

Hold on, Gareth, you haven't weighed in. I. Jake is camp brag guy. I'm. I'm a Tay Tay girl. Where are you?

B (65:57)

It's tough. I'm looking at the picture. It's tough. The picture makes it tough. Cause I think, look, Taylor's.

C (66:03)

It was a gym. Brian's working.

B (66:06)

Taylor's the guy I want to take home to the family. Taylor's the guy I want him to meet the family. You know, we've been dating. We're doing great. But then there's Brian.

A (66:14)

Look, he wants to steal your girl. Yeah.

B (66:17)

I mean, he's a bad boy. He's a. He's talking about.

A (66:21)

Look, I will say, historically, loves a bad boy.

B (66:24)

I love a bad boy. I am going. I think Taylor will win, and I want Taylor to win. He's got the million dollar smile.

C (66:33)

You know what? You know what I think, guys, in terms of what you just said, Gareth, Taylor's the guy who coaches pickle ball. Pickleball. But Brian's the guy who steals the.

B (66:46)

Liquor from the club.

C (66:48)

Who wins at pickleball. When Brian, it becomes a dog fight. If this is a technical match of dinking, he's going to beat you.

A (66:58)

We're the same age, Jake. You were raised on these movies. You know that. Brian's taken a handful of sand throwing in Taylor's eyes. Now he's blind. He can't see. But guess who always wins. Taylor. Will. Taylor is the light here. They're literally wearing the colors of light and dark.

C (67:10)

Cat, that's how you got a baby.

B (67:13)

Go get him, Taylor.

C (67:14)

That's Hollywood, babe. We're talking real life.

A (67:17)

Oh, and so I'm dying to know who wins.

C (67:21)

Do you guys want to see the punishment?

B (67:23)

Yes. Then I gotta go.

C (67:25)

We might go a little bit longer, because.

B (67:27)

That's fine.

C (67:27)

Ready to be off on this one? Oh, no.

B (67:32)

Well, it's an ambitious trunk. Let's say that.

A (67:35)

Holy moly.

C (67:36)

You guys are actually. The loser is gonna really put this on. This is crazy.

A (67:42)

And serve dinner.

C (67:43)

Yeah, absolutely. Kat, where are you at with all this? How you feeling? I know that just gave you a stomachache. I saw it all over your face.

A (67:53)

Oh, for sure. I'm very grateful to not be married to either of you gentlemen because this sounds like a nightmare.

C (68:00)

I'm very sad I'm not in the family. This sounds like my favorite Friday.

A (68:04)

Jake wants to marry in. I would say now. Now, have there been. Are there going to be any rules outside of the standard pickleball rules because of the personal nature and all the family members there. Are we going to lay out any kind of ground rules about behavior, et cetera, or fuck it, anything goes.

C (68:20)

Taylor, Brian.

E (68:21)

No, I think we're having. I think we're having an ice chest with beers and.

B (68:26)

Yeah, I think we're going to have.

E (68:27)

An ice chest with beers and we're going to go a little crazy.

C (68:29)

I think that's exactly right. Talk a little shit, have fun. The players do whatever you got to do. Now, no cheating, right?

E (68:35)

No, but correct.

C (68:37)

You could talk shit. You can goof around. You could try to mess with the person.

A (68:41)

I do get that the bravado off of Brian is of the nature, though. That's like you. You're above board. You believe in yourself, but you're not playing dirty. Is that what I'm. Am I getting that right, Brian?

E (68:54)

I will not play dirty. I will play by the rules. That Taylor.

C (68:57)

I believe that I will let him.

E (69:00)

I will let him choose which rules he wants to follow and not follow. But prior.

A (69:05)

That's confidence.

C (69:07)

What are the rules of this match?

E (69:10)

Standard rules. We're playing three games to 11, win by two. You can only score on your serves. Stay out of the kitchen. All the good stuff.

C (69:18)

Okay, great.

A (69:19)

So I love it.

C (69:20)

The best of three games to 11, win by two, only went on a serve. All the rules. Yeah. That's incredible.

A (69:29)

Is there a halftime show? Because it feels like you need one.

E (69:34)

Cat, what are you doing on Friday?

A (69:37)

It would be my honor to come and do your halftime show.

C (69:40)

How long? How long in between games, are you guys giving for a break? Five minutes.

A (69:45)

Good question.

E (69:46)

Yeah, I mean, I think five minutes is fine. Or fair. We'll play it out. I think we've got the court for what?

D (69:52)

What?

E (69:52)

A full Hour, Brian, Is that right?

A (69:54)

Oh, it's moving.

C (69:55)

Yeah.

E (69:55)

And if we need to extend it, we can extend it.

C (69:57)

Yeah. And is sun a factor on one side?

A (70:01)

Great question.

E (70:02)

Well, we're doing it at five o', clock, so hypothetically, Actually, probably. I mean, hopefully it'll be setting it. Not too bad, but it might be.

A (70:11)

You're sideways.

E (70:13)

We'll switch sides.

C (70:14)

Make sure you switch sides. And if it's a really big disadvantage, figure out a fair way to do it. So maybe if you each win one game and the team that's winning is always on the good side, then the final game you gotta switch during.

A (70:28)

Halfway through.

C (70:29)

Yeah.

A (70:29)

Because otherwise you don't want to get to dinner with the elephant thing. And the whole time it's just about the sun.

C (70:35)

Agreed. I totally agree. And now, before we go, gentlemen, I would like, if you guys want to. To each give you one minute to say whatever you want to say on the record. Officially on the Monday before the classic, to our audience, your family, yourselves, one person in Greenland we gotta listen to. Greenland. Cat.

A (71:08)

Congratulations.

C (71:09)

It's pretty cool.

A (71:10)

Yeah. Mazel tov.

C (71:12)

Thanks, Taylor. The floor is yours.

E (71:16)

I'm ready. I'm ready. I had. I had a tournament this past week. I had private lessons with a USA pickleball pro. I've been training with my tennis pro. I am ready to go. I'm fired up. I'm not taking any chances. This is going to be a fantastic win. And I cannot wait to be served dinner by the big man himself. Brian.

C (71:44)

I love it. Very convincing. Confidence is strong.

A (71:51)

Honorable.

C (71:52)

Honorable, but also intimidating.

E (71:55)

I would like to say that I've truly been enjoying this, Taylor, because it's nice to finally see some competitiveness out of you and some confidence. It's been lacking for a little while. Oh, very great to see. And I look forward to putting my money where my mouth is come Friday.

C (72:18)

Because it's showtime, guys. Cat, your final thoughts?

A (72:26)

What have you done? Jake, listen. I just don't want this to tear this family apart.

C (72:31)

It's not. It's going to bring them closer. One of them's going to have their butt cheeks out and everyone's going to be dying, laughing.

B (72:35)

That's true.

C (72:36)

One of them's gonna be wearing that thing and literally walk around with their butt cheeks out. Everybody else is going to be half cocked, dying, laughing. And guess what? If I saw those butt cheeks, I'm pinching at them. I'm gonna drop some bread. They bend over, I'm giving it a little slap.

A (72:52)

I'm praying to God that you're serving like seafood or something.

C (72:55)

But those buns are open for slaps.

A (72:58)

Sure. Guys, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. I, I, I hydrate. Yeah, I know you're gonna party a bit, but don't forget to hydrate. And by the way, are you guys used to a big crowd watching you? Because that also can change your performance.

C (73:13)

I had to, for the movie the Dink, I had to play against Andy Roddick in front of a bunch of extras. And I'll tell you what happens when you're about to serve that and there's people yelling, hands get shaky.

A (73:24)

Yes. Sure.

C (73:25)

You're like, sure. It's different. I'm hitting a wiffle ball. I'm a little nervous.

D (73:30)

Yeah.

C (73:31)

So nerd guys, Brian and Taylor, if nerves come into play, who's gonna handle that better?

A (73:37)

Yeah. Sounds like Brian.

E (73:40)

There's no shame in my game.

C (73:43)

This guy played high level baseball for a long time. Taylor, how do you do with stage fright, Loud audience nervousness. Where are you at with that?

E (73:54)

I'm not too worried about it. This won't be the first time I had that tournament. A couple weekends ago I had a couple matches with, with an audience and with some chee and it's my family, you know, so I'm not, I'm not too worried about any nerves. I'm a warm up and if I.

B (74:11)

Get a little, you know, get a.

E (74:13)

Little shaky, deep breath and send the ball over.

A (74:16)

Taylor, you are given. Golden boy, my man. You're the people's champ and you still have my vote because my, I feel like it's the right thing to do. Brian, I have noted your confidence. I have noted your confidence and you're, you're clearly, you're clearly coming to play. I, I don't think voting for you is a mistake. I understand it. But ultimately I'm, I'm on team Taylor. Chick, where are you landing on this?

C (74:46)

I think smart money saying Taylor's gonna win. Okay. But I think with the odds and with Brian's confidence, I'm going to take those odds. I'm going to put 100, I'm going to win 250.

A (74:57)

You're a bright guy.

C (74:58)

I put a little bit of money on Brian on this. Now the reason is I think Taylor's a better pickleball player. I think when the moment gets going, you're in the middle of game two. If Brian can keep up game one and it's a real game.

A (75:11)

Yeah.

C (75:12)

And all of a sudden Taylor hits a shot into the net. All of a sudden, one's off. Brian's not going to be nice about it.

B (75:19)

It.

D (75:20)

No.

C (75:20)

And then all of a sudden, if he makes a couple of comments and the crowd starts laughing, the world could get really dizzy. And then you're in that Arizona sun and then Taylor's going, this is a world of trouble. And Brian has nothing to lose. He's supposed to lose, right?

A (75:37)

Right. He's got nothing to lose. You're absolutely right.

C (75:39)

That gets scary. Now the other side of it is Taylor's skills are at another level. The game starts, Taylor just kills him. Brian's running around and everybody goes. It's a 42 year old man versus a 30 year old pro. What did we expect? Why are we out here? That could also happen.

A (75:55)

There's many versions of this thing. There are a few.

C (75:57)

Yeah, yeah. So, gentlemen, what I would love is afterwards, depending on how you guys want to do it, either having you on individually or together, but getting together. Real recap. Yes, not a problem. First of all, fellas, good luck on Friday. What I really hope happens is you both play your hearts out and leave everything on the court.

E (76:23)

You guys have a great day.

C (76:28)

We're here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ HelpfulPod gmail.com. and if you want to watch video video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our patreon@patreon.com heretohelp pod to see our entire catalog.

A (76:46)

We're Here to Help is produced by.

B (76:48)

Rabbit Grimm Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller. Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The COVID artwork is by James Fosdike. Animations by Andrew Strelcki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

A (77:17)

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon. And season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com heretohelpod I'm Tig Notaro.

D (77:29)

I'm Mae Martin.

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And I'm Fortune Feimster. And together we're handsome. What is handsome? Well, it's a state of mind. It's how you feel. It's whatever you want it to be. Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us three stand up comedians you may have seen on your tv. We swap stories, share life updates, and occasionally laugh until we cry. Every episode, we answer a question from a celebrity friend.

D (77:54)

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E (78:01)

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B (78:20)

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