211: Weird Here to Help Vol 1: Angry Old Hitchhiker & A Two-Time Hat Thief (with Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" – Episode 211

Weird Here to Help Vol 1: Angry Old Hitchhiker & A Two-Time Hat Thief
With Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein
Date: September 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

This special edition, “Weird Here to Help,” trades the regular hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds for their friends and fellow actors Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein. The duo acts as “weird problem solvers” for issues that veer outside the show's usual scope, stepping into the “surreal, psychedelic zone” with empathy, humor, and a healthy helping of the bizarre. The episode welcomes two unorthodox listener dilemmas for advice: one involving a possibly supernatural hitchhiker—the angry old man attached to a caller’s soul—and another entangling a “two-time hat thief” in Japan’s expat wedding-officiant community.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

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I. Introduction: Embracing the Weird

[02:32 – 10:22]

• Taking Over the Show:
  Steve and Eric acknowledge flipping the regular format, embracing callers with problems that "wouldn’t normally be helped" by society.
  • “If you’re on this show, you are never going to talk to Jake and Gareth. First off, you have a weird issue. So you’re going to talk to two weird guys on Weird here to help.” (Eric, 04:14)
• The ‘13ft’ Dynamic:
  The duo jokes that together they become “13ft of love,” and sometimes, “13ft of retribution.”
• Wellness Corner:
  Before taking calls, Steve and Eric share small joys and recent obsessions—from a Pavement documentary (Steve) to a book of gossiping lunches with Orson Welles (Eric).
• Mantras:
  They highlight the importance of staying aware of “what’s good in your micro”—focusing on the little things that bring happiness despite the weirdness of the world.
• Banter on Yogurt and Bigfoot:
  A tangent arises on breakfast routines (Steve’s Greek yogurt “recipe”) and sage advice:
  • “If you are a civilian out there and you have some kind of F14, you're flying around that's armed to the teeth and you see a flying saucer... Leave the UFO alone.” (Steve, 08:27)

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II. Caller 1: The Angry Old Man “Hitchhiker”

Emma from Saskatchewan
[13:43 – 35:37]

a. The Quandary:

Emma, a teacher, reports that over 10 years, three unrelated people—an indigenous elder, a 10-year-old student, and a colleague who’s a medium—told her she has an "angry old man attached to her soul." She’s unsure whether to take this seriously or dismiss it.

b. The Investigation:

• Emma recounts:
  • A feather landing on her during a sweat lodge, interpreted by elders as a bad omen.
  • A student claiming to see a constant, angry old man behind her while teaching.
  • A coworker (medium) saying an angry old man is attached to her soul.
• Steve walks through “paranormal checks,” asking about Ouija boards, haunted houses, or feeling out of control. Emma hasn’t engaged in divination but thinks her childhood home might have been haunted.

c. The Odd Squad’s Advice & Theoretical Deep Dives:

• Steve provides grounded skepticism:
  “All the things people are saying are not based in any kind of science whatsoever… You are not an evil person.” (Steve, 19:11)
• Eric leans mystical:
  Refers to undiscovered “science” of the energetic field, spiritual “parasites,” and offers to connect Emma with a real-life healer who “clears entities.”
  • “I have a guy that can clear this old man. This is not a joke… I have an incredible healer that I will refer to you that will remove this if you want it to be removed.” (Eric, 21:04)
• Discussion of Possible Origins:
  • It could be a paranormal “hitchhiker” from her childhood home, or an ancestral/protective spirit.
  • Steve recommends Emma check public records of her house and assures her that being proactive may alleviate most of the issue by itself.

d. Reassurance and Humor:

• Eric casts the “old man” in a (potentially) good light, as a protective force:
  • “This angry old man might be like, oh, she’s so sweet. She's so nice… I gotta help out. I gotta be a boundary.” (Eric, 27:23)
• Both commit to arranging a session with the energy healer and agree to follow up.
• Memorable moment as Eric jokingly warns off the “hitchhiker”:
  • “You think that you’re serving her, but you’re not… she’s got everything taken care of on her own. We don’t need you anymore. And do not come over to this guy and do not come to Steve, no, Berg. God damn it.” (Eric, 30:26)

e. Emma Responds & Resolution:

• Emma is open and comforted by the advice.
  • “I already feel comfortable with the idea of a healer giving me some knowledge, intensely helping me get rid of this guy. I love the idea that he might not be evil, but might be here to help me.” (Emma, 32:46)
• The call ends with mutual encouragement, plans for follow-up, and the hope of “delicately and with love” telling the old man his work is done.

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III. Caller 2: The Two-Time Hat Thief Saga

Aaron (pseudonym), currently in Japan
[36:19 – 59:02]

a. The Situation:

Aaron, an expat wedding officiant, describes an escalating drama following a summer work party in Japan. He receives an irate email from “Barry,” a crocodile-hat-wearing veteran, accusing Aaron of twice removing his hat—an unforgivable act among balding men, per Barry.

b. The Evidence:

• Barry’s email is formal, overwrought, and litigious (accusations of “dubious legality”), calling the hat-remover “a Cretan.”
  • “Could you please confirm my suspicion that you are the person who did this? … For the record, I can confirm that I'm most definitely not a Cretan, nor the person who interfered with your hat.” (Aaron, 42:49)
• Aaron responds with dignified, humorous denials and receives a pedantic reply: Barry explains (without a comma) he was not calling Aaron a Cretan, only asking if he was “the Cretan.”

c. The Counselors’ Reaction:

• Steve and Eric marvel at the drama’s absurdity:
  • “If ever calls me a cretin, you’re gonna see… the dragon.” (Steve, 41:36)
• They riff:
  • On the “Old West” seriousness of hat-removal.
  • On the oddity of grown men fighting over headwear.

d. Side Mystery: The "Seed Saver"

• Aaron shares a subplot: a drunken coworker, “Gary the Seed Saver,” proudly told Aaron he never ejaculates, “saving his seed,” and was seen acting playfully disruptive. The hosts suspect he’s the true culprit—
  • “Seed savers is also the kind of son of a [bleep] that’s gonna pull a balding man’s hat off twice.” (Eric, 48:02)

e. Game Plan: Outweird the Weird

• They propose a strategy: respond to Barry with over-the-top faux-detective earnestness—jazzed-up politeness, dramatize the “crime,” and pivot suspicion onto “Seed Saver” Gary.
  • “What if you say that you basically want to devote your life right now to solving this case… that this guy has been so egregiously wrong by having his hat removed twice that you really want to get to the bottom and find who this cretin is…” (Eric, 49:36)
• They co-draft a tongue-in-cheek email with lines like:
  • “In the Old West, you could get killed for messing with a man's hat…”
  • “I feel I may have some information pertinent to the case… Shall we work together to solve this case once and for all? All the very best…”
• The intent? To “knock the wind out of him a little bit… make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their hat.” (Steve, 57:00)

f. A Cliffhanger Ending:

• The hosts urge Aaron to follow through and report back with Barry’s reply. The exchange evolves into a collaborative, almost performative, exercise in passive aggression and surreal diplomacy.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If you are a civilian out there… and you see a flying saucer, my advice, my first piece of advice on Weird Here to Help: leave the UFO alone.”
  — Steve Berg [08:27]

• “You may have caught a straggler. You may be dealing with an energetic entity… The Buddhists may say it’s there for a reason. Part of your journey in life is to solve this and figure it out.”
  — Eric Edelstein [21:04]

• “You think that you’re serving her, but you’re not. And we’re asking and inviting you to go because you’re not wanted here anymore.”
  — Eric Edelstein, addressing the 'hitchhiker' [30:26]

• “If I ever call me a cretin, you’re gonna see… the dragon.”
  — Steve Berg [41:36]

• “In the Old West, you could get killed for messing with a man’s hat.”
  — Eric Edelstein, draft email [51:25]

• “The point of this is to make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their hat. You’re saying all that without saying it, in a professional way, and I love it.”
  — Steve Berg [57:00]

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Structure and Tone

• Playful, Affectionate, and Empathic:
  Steve and Eric’s approach is nurturing yet irreverent, always opting for kindness, wit, and a touch of the mystical or absurd when confronting even the oddest dilemmas.
• Experimental and Performing:
  The hosts openly treat the episode as a live brainstorm—riffing, role-playing, and collaborating on-the-fly with their callers.
• Meta and Self-Aware:
  They regularly poke fun at themselves and the nature of the show, keeping listeners in on the joke.

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:02 – 02:32: Standard Host Banter / Patreon Plug
• 02:32 – 10:22: Introduction—Steve & Eric's Dynamic, Wellness, Mantras, Greek Yogurt, UFO Advice
• 13:43 – 35:37: Caller 1 (Emma, “Angry Old Man Hitchhiker”)
• 36:19 – 59:02: Caller 2 (Aaron, “Two-Time Hat Thief” & the Seed Saver subplot)
• 59:18 – End: Wrap-up, Reflections & Next Steps

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Takeaways

• For Emma:

  • Approach supernatural worries with self-kindness and humor. Being proactive—whether through spiritual “clearance” work or just lighthearted ritual—can offer agency and peace.
  • Sometimes protectors come in strange forms, and “weird help” is still help.

• For Aaron:

  • In the face of petty absurdity, “kill them with kindness” (or out-weird them with performative earnestness) is sometimes the sharpest tool.
  • Laughter and camaraderie make even “dubiously legal” hat crimes and ex-pat drama worth weathering.

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If you're tangled in something too odd for mainstream advice, these “13ft of love” are in your corner—ready to join your cosmic detective agency, or just help you craft the world’s most passive-aggressive email.

Transcript

[A]

This is a headgun podcast.

[B]

And we are kind of back. We're back, but, you know, we are.

[C]

We're the appetizer, and we got a big meal coming up.

[B]

The amuse bouche and get ready for a tomahawk.

[C]

We're doing a. This is the first ever weird here to help. It's the same format of our show, but this one's going to be hosted by Steve Berg and Eric Adelstein.

[B]

We're going to watch this and break it down like game film on our Patreon.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And how.

[C]

How do we do that, Gareth? Because you've been wanting us to do some more stuff. So what is that? We sit on a zoom, we play it, and we watch it. Literally, like two coaches watching a game.

[B]

I think I. Yeah, I think what we would do is we would probably have, um. You know, I think if it was you, me, and myself and Morgan, we would have it just playing. We would watch it react, and then when we want to stop and explain why that was crazy or whatever, we can do that.

[C]

But I also heard from Steve or Gareth after it.

[B]

Eric. No, I haven't.

[A]

I.

[C]

Neither of them texted me either, after.

[B]

And I, by the way, and I talked to Steve.

[C]

I hung out with Eric.

[B]

Okay. And nothing.

[C]

We went to Derek Waters crab party and we did not mention it. What a mystery.

[B]

Actually, I wonder if they did a little, like, don't even let them know what they're fitting on. I bet they did. I. Here's what I'll guarantee you.

[C]

That's shocking, actually.

[B]

I don't know. I'm excited to see what happens.

[C]

So we are going to watch and react on Patreon, and then at the end of this episode, Gareth and I are going to give an outro after we've listened to it as well. At this point we haven't. So everybody enjoy and stick around till the end and catch. But Gareth and I thought of the first ever weird here to help.

[B]

Weird here, weird here. Weird. It's a weird weird.

[D]

Hey, folks, we're here. You're here. No other place exists at this moment except for this moment right here. Eric, my buddy Edelstein. What are you doing, buddy? What are we doing here?

[A]

You mean? I can't believe they let us do this. This is beautiful.

[D]

They're insane. They gave us the keys to the car.

[A]

Oh, I love it. Well, that's a perfect analogy, Steve, because let's say this, we're here to help is incredible. It is a electro cruiser going down the highway at 80 miles an hour. Clean, efficient, beautiful, glorious every week. And yet it is not quite serving everyone. Sometimes you have to get off that highway, ditch the electro cruiser, get on a riding lawnmower and start driving in the ditch. And that is where we come in.

[D]

The surreal zone, the psychedelic zone. You know, as we all know, there's different levels of reality and we're playing at a different level of reality.

[A]

And see, so we think.

[D]

So we think.

[A]

No, so we know about you now.

[D]

Eric and I discovered years ago, early on in our friendship, that if you put us together, we make 13ft. Exactly. And so we've referred to ourselves as one entity, as 13ft. And it's usually 13ft of love. You know, if you, if you wrong us, it's 13ft of retribution, which you don't want. That we've never.

[A]

Hope we don't have that today, but we're definitely ready. But we noticed also when we would go in together at events one, it was a heck of a lot more fun than going in solo. But we have the ability when we're together to maybe make people feel a little bit better.

[D]

Bring a little levity.

[A]

Yeah, we need to some of that larger man charm. Yeah. And to the people here that may jump in and see, it's Steve and I and like, bummed it's not Jake and Gareth. If you're on this show, you are never going to talk to Jake and Gareth. First off, you have a weird issue. So you're going to talk to two weird guys on Weird here to help. Yeah. So let's embrace that, that we are coming from the fringes, happily, proudly, and it's going to be so exciting to help the people that wouldn't normally be helped because society's decided to pigeonhole them and their problem here as crazy.

[E]

Well, we're so excited about it too. I mean, we get these emails, we get all kinds of emails from people with all kinds of problems and we have to do a little bit of editorializing to be like, maybe this doesn't fit on the main show, but we've started putting them in this other folder when there's a problem that's a little bit like, I don't know if this fits. And so very curious to see if you guys are going to be able to provide some insight. I feel pretty confident that you will.

[D]

You know, I do too. We're gonna dig deep. Well, all I can promise is we're gonna do our gosh darn best and that's all we really can do in the. On this mortal coil. You know, Eric and I have seen the other side and we're ready to share our knowledge.

[A]

And I think another thing, Steve, that I love is let. Let's be honest, the world is a little crazy and much crazy on social media, but you and I always, we have a mantra that we dial each other in on, and I hope that that can spread throughout this. Of focusing on the micro. Yep, that may be the world out there and it's always important that we stay engaged with it with limits. But what is good? What's in your micro that's good? So, Steve, I'd love to start with you. What are you fired up right now? What makes you happy?

[D]

Oh, well, I'll tell you what's been making me happy since the Pavements documentary, which is a documentary, kind of a meta documentary about my favorite band of all time, Pavement. I have been reabsorbing their earlier work in some of their B sides and just the sheer amount of like youthful noise is just really the medicine I need right now. So, yeah, it's old Pavement. We're talking like Slanted, Enchanted, and before a lot of the B sides, a lot of the rarities, maybe some early BBC cuts. Yeah, that's where I'm at. What about you, pal?

[A]

I love. Well, I just finished a delightful book called My Lunches with Orson, which is Henry Jacklin was this director that recorded all of his conversations with Orson Welles. And he had permission, but Orson Welles is Jake. And I get called the yentas of the east side of Los Angeles because we're gossipy and love it. And when I read this, there was no bigger gossiping yenta on this planet than Orson Welles, bless his heart. He comes alive in this and it's hysterical. I was laughing out loud reading it. And there's a remarkable bout of wisdom in there. These old heroes, there's not a ton of them left. And boy, I got to see Bob Dylan recently. He for the first time ever, did a purpose perfect cover of Garden Party, the Ricky Nelson song. And I was just in heaven.

[D]

Ricky Nelson?

[A]

Oh, Bob's up front. Well, I like Elvis, but Ricky Nelson was my guy. I watch him every week on Ozzy and Harry. He was a delight. Oh, man.

[D]

Well, you know, a little. A little piece of esoteric news. Earlier in the week there was a congressional hearing talking about UFOs, which I think is really fun. First off, I am a. As you know, I don't think anything ufologically themed coming from the military, the government, I think it's all bs. I'll Be honest. But it's funny that we live in an era where they can be a congressional hearing about UFOs and it doesn't even make the news. That's how wild the times are. We're like, that's crazy.

[A]

Well, since you brought it up, I did see they released that footage of them shooting a missile at an orbital and the orb seemed to go off course and then come back. But I'm also like, hey, why are we shooting a missile at UFOs? That perhaps would not be my strategy. No, for real, dial be. I mean, I've died in this movie, Steve. Like, there's no reason to shoot a missile at a ufo. Right?

[D]

There's not an upside to it. I, I don't recommend it, honestly. So if you are a civilian out there and you have some kind of F14, you're flying around that's armed to the teeth and you see a flying saucer, my advice, my first piece of advice on weird here to help. Leave the UFO alone. Leave it alone. Leave it alone.

[E]

That's the clip.

[D]

That's the clip.

[A]

Leave it alone.

[D]

That's it.

[A]

That's all we need. Leave. Leave it alone. Leave everything alone. You're in there, you're in the woods. You see Bigfoot or yeti. Leave it alone. Give him a peace sign and walk away.

[D]

Eric, do you eat Greek yogurt or you can't, it's. I know it's dairy, but can you.

[A]

I'm starting to move a little more toward that way. I was very rigid for a long time, but I started eating eggs. I am high as hell off them. I feel like I got this booster in my tank and this will lead to. The only hate I've ever gotten is from people mad at vegans or vegans when I start eating fish. So I'm already open myself up. But I will say this for me, I think I was severely protein deficient.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I know my vegan brother says, all right, well, you can get a legume. And I'm like, I, I understand that this old man needed eggs cuz I've been working out a ton, right?

[D]

It's also, it's okay to enjoy life a little bit, I think.

[A]

I think so, buddy. And boy, have I been doing that.

[D]

Greek yogurt is, you know, like. All I'm saying is a great way to start your day, folks. You take some frozen blueberries and you put them in a bowl and you let them thaw while you're having your first cup of coffee. By the time you're ready for your second cup of coffee. Those blueberries are perfect. And I'm putting about, oh, maybe like a cup, cup and a half of Greek yoda in there. A generous maybe. Well, I shouldn't say too much. A little bit of honey in there and then some slivered almonds. You mix it up with a spoon. And I'm telling you, it is the best way to start your day. I have had every breakfast known to man in terms of a breakfast. Like, you have a busy day. You're staying light, you're lively, you're on your feet. It's good for the brain, it's good for the stomach. I swear to God, everyone, please start your day like that. Get back to me if it doesn't work. I have some other options for you. But boy, I'm on the Greek yogurt train right now. Also. I'm on the sourdough train right now.

[A]

Oh, I feel great. Pre probiotics. Also, Greek yogurt's supposed to be amazing for dogs.

[E]

Do you want to give a little?

[D]

Without further ado, and without further ado, let's launch into some weird here to help. Did I say that wrong? Weird here. Weird.

[A]

So great. No, you're carrying us right now, buddy.

[D]

God, I already messed it up.

[A]

This is not a great way to start.

[D]

All my head.

[A]

Don't you say that about my friend.

[D]

Without further ado, please sit down with a nice snack and enjoy some weird here to help.

[C]

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[B]

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[D]

Hello, you are on with Eric Edelstein and Steve Berg. May I ask your name and location, please?

[F]

My name is Emma and I'm calling from Saskatchewan.

[D]

Oh, hello, Canada.

[A]

Our wonderful neighbors the north. Love it up there. Emma, if we could just to get a sense of you, we very quickly, like, no, you're on a desert island. You can only bring one movie and one album. What would they be?

[F]

I think I'm going to bring a Knight's Tale for my movie.

[D]

With Heath Ledger?

[F]

Yes, with Heath Ledger.

[A]

Lost Him Too soon.

[D]

Queen did the soundtrack. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

[A]

Did they really?

[D]

They used to.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[D]

What a great soundtrack. They used modern music. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, how cool.

[D]

An album.

[F]

And I think for an album I'm going to bring. Going to be a tough decision, but it'll be one of the Mumford and Sons.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Fantastic. Fantastic.

[D]

Okay. Sure.

[A]

People love that fiddle.

[D]

Yeah. People love that fiddle.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So talk to us, friend. How can we help you today on Weird. Here to help.

[F]

Okay. Well, so this is a bit of an ongoing issue in my life, but over the course of about 10 years, I've been told by three different people that are completely not related that I have an angry old man attached to my soul. And so I guess the advice I'm looking for today is, what do I do about this? Do I look into it? Do I just ignore it? Do I see if. You know. So I'm trying to find some direction on that.

[D]

Well, okay. Wow. First off, I want to say thank you for calling in. And, sister, I believe you came to the right place. A couple initial questions. Right off the bat, the people who have told you this, the three people have told you this. Was this a recent thing, or is this. You said this has happened throughout your life.

[F]

Yes. Well, okay. So the first. The first instance occurred in about 2012. I was in my teacher college. I was in the college of education, and I was offered the opportunity to go to an indigenous culture camp to kind of learn more about the indigenous peoples of our area. And so I went up to Northern Saskatchewan. It was a great time. I learned so much. It was a, you know, awesome experience. And one of the events I could participate in or one of the opportunities I was offered was to participate in a sweat lodge.

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

Which was. It was amazing, and I loved it, and I feel so lucky to have been a part of it for sure. And during the sweat lodge, there was, I think, four elders and then maybe like eight of us there that were participating. And so we'd be in the lodge for a bit, and then it would, you know, of course, be dark and very warm. And then we would take little intermissions. And it probably went on for about an hour and a half. And about halfway through the sweat, I had a feather land on me. And so I just kind of held it. And during one of the intermissions, I kind of brought it out, and we were allowed to talk to the elders during the intermissions. And I asked them, and they said, you know, this feather landed on me during this last sweat. And they were like, that's a really bad sign. They were like, that is a sign of, you know, potentially evil within your soul. And we think that this is a major issue for you. And so we think you should go and actually leave the sweat and go talk to some other elders and get guidance and So I did. And the guidance was basically that I have a lot of evil within my soul. So that. That wasn't specific to an old man. The next time was about like maybe a year later I was teaching and a really sweet little 10 year old girl in my class, just model student, so lovely, came up to me one day and she was like, I just want to let you know that I actually have the gift of being able to see people who are dead. And I just want to let you know that when you're teaching, there's actually an old man standing behind you all the time.

[A]

What?

[F]

And he looks mad. And so then I was like, that's kind of crazy. And then the third time was. Then fast forward to about 2019. I was again at work teaching and one of my colleagues actually approached me on my last day of work and she said, I want to let you know that I'm actually a medium. And I don't know how to bring this up, but I feel like there is an old man with angry and upset attached to your soul and I don't know what to do about it, but I want to let you know.

[D]

Okay, wow.

[A]

I mean, we're talking three ironclad sources. I would say starting truly sweat lodge kids know. And then this medium. I believe it.

[D]

I look. Okay, wow. Okay, here is the thing, Emma. First off, I want you to know that I am a very quick study in a. In an empath. Not, not in a spiritual way, but just a person. I feel like I can pick up on people's vibe and spirit and I have a good, like, first impression. You are not an evil person. You sound very sweet, very kind. I can tell by your giggle and your laugh you are a sweet person. I do not think this has anything to do with you personally. So first off, I will say this is the materialist side of myself. All the things people are saying are not based in any kind of science whatsoever. I'm not, I'm not saying that there isn't an old man attached to you. Okay. And I'm also not saying there is. But just know, like I'm saying you are. Yeah, well, maybe Eric, but like, let's just say like this, this is not fact. Okay? You didn't get an X ray done. The doctor was like, oh, well, there was an old, old man, angry foal attached to you.

[F]

So agreed.

[D]

Yes, right, agreed. And I do not, I think whatever this might be completely, if not your personality and your soul. Okay, Now I agree 1000% there, Steve. Right. I want to get that. I want to get that up front on the table right away.

[A]

I love that. And we, Emma, we. Steven and I are both intuitive. We can tell you're a rock star. You're amazing. You got a great energy that's coming through. But you may have caught a straggler. You may be dealing with an energetic entity. And again, I'll go back to this. The Buddhists may say it's there for a reason. Part of your journey in life is to solve this and figure it out. I will say we're going to have some fun talking about this with you now. I actually have a guy that can clear this old man. This is not a joke. I have a incredible healer that I will refer to you that will remove this if you want it to be removed. And I've dealt with two different healers that pull these things. And what somebody now is perhaps laughing. This, to me, is science that's currently undiscovered, that in 200 years we will know. Oh, yeah, an energetic entity. It's actually a physical disturbance in this thing. It's something manifesting something from your past or a past incarnation that is hanging on now that is perhaps not supposed to be there, or that old man is there for a reason, or is you in another life or someone you're connected to. But I want to let you know I actually have somebody that can cure this by the end of this call. And we'll get to that. But Steve is an expert at this. You are in the right place. This is the exact reason why we're doing weird here to help, because the angry old man that is Jake Johnson would not deal with this call. And you should look at Jake Johnson. See, you can have. You can have an angry old man with you and still do quite well look at Jake Johnson. Okay, so just know we love you, and we're gonna figure this out. And I actually do have a solution, but I want Steve to ask some questions first. Steve, I'm thinking Jungian collective unconsciousness. Yeah. I'm thinking of an entity, and I'm thinking our friend is right where she's supposed to be right now.

[D]

I'm gonna just ask you some very basic questions. These are the questions I ask when I am actually investigating paranormally high straight. Prior to 2012, anytime in your life, have you ever played around with tools of divination? That means tarot cards, Ouija boards, anything like that?

[F]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

I will say, though, this summer, I went on a camping trip with some friends, and we did decide to see if we could talk to the old man through a Ouija board, but the Ouija board did nothing. Nothing happened. It was a dead night. Nothing happened.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not scared of Ouija boards either, but I'm just. I'm just trying to, like, you know, understand the full scope of this.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Have you ever visited. Have you. Did you ever feel that maybe you were in a dwelling that was paranormally infected or like there was ghosts in there or like, you know, a childhood home or grandma's house? Or did you go to, like, a haunted place to do ghost investigation? Did you ever mess with any. Any stuff like that prior to 2012?

[F]

Okay, this is what I'm going to say. I don't really believe in ghosts. I don't really think they're real. However, sometimes I do think my childhood home was maybe haunted.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

And my parents have a bit of a fear that maybe somebody from our childhood house has latched onto me. I don't really think that happened, but that, you know.

[D]

Right.

[A]

I got chills. For what it's worth, I do have chills right now, which sometimes is one.

[D]

One thing. One thing you can do. It probably take a little too long to do on the air. I would recommend this just to put your investigation head on. You can absolutely find through public records who lived in. In that. Who. Every single resident who lived in that house. And it would be interesting to see if there was. You know, and a lot of times they'll have reports through newspapers.com. you can find if there was any kind of incident at the house that might be some kind of investigation. Just so you know, if you want to pinpoint it down to, like, oh, it did come from there. Obviously there's no way for us to determine that right now, but you are kind of finding yourself in this. Like, do you ever feel, like, abnormally out of control? Like there is something else working through you and making decisions for you?

[F]

No. Okay, so you don't feel control of my mind and body yet.

[D]

Good, good. Look, I mean, I'm asking stupid questions just to, like, cross things out. Right. Because there are people who for sure have felt that way. Right. What? So are you wanting to take this as, like, something. Because obviously now three separate people of varying ages have mentioned this to you, and that is not something anyone really wants to hear. So are you now kind of at the point where, like, you know what, maybe I should, you know, take the reins here and see if I can get rid of this? Like, do you. Are you now starting to believe that maybe there People are right.

[F]

Listen, I'm not a risk taker. I. You know, if I can solve the problem, I want to do it. I don't know if it's a problem, but I'm like, that is pretty abnormal to have three people approach me and tell me this. And it makes me think, you know, if I can get rid of this. If it is a problem, get rid of the problem. I would like to.

[D]

Right, right. Okay, Eric, tell me. Eric, tell me about this healer that you know.

[A]

Yeah, well, a couple things. And we have resources and we're obviously going to want to check in with you again because I'm pretty confident we can. We can get this removed. But the first thing is to come through a sweat lodge like that. That is incredibly powerful. And that is stuff that's also tied in with collective unconscious and everything else. So for the next time, I'm lucky enough to know a lot of brilliant indigenous folks that this would. They would not bat an eye at this. So we can bring in a Ryan Redcorn, a Shannon Lee Paddock, a Bobby Wilson to kind of figure out what this may well be. But, yeah, this happened for me years ago where I was at my therapist, who's a very rational, normal person. Although this advice is gonna sound like whatever you would think a hippie, dippy LA therapist would be. She kind of. I was telling her about some issues and she kind of paused and she said, I'm gonna recommend you to someone that's gonna seem crazy, but his name is Joel, and Joel deals with entities in our energetic field. And it only sounds crazy because it's science that hasn't been discovered yet. We can pick up things. And when I went in there with him the first time was still during my drinking era, where he started saying, when you are drinking, you let your guard down or just under. And there are things actually looking to penetrate and grab on. Like, we know that there are parasites in our blood, parasites we deal with. There are energetic or spiritual parasites. That sounds crazy to a lot of people right now, but I believe it's undiscovered science. So this guy actually goes into your energetic field and sees what's there. And I have a very strong feeling. I would like to volunteer Jake Johnson to pay for a session of this. He's good for it. Can this be done over zoom, though? I mean, like, I do it all the time over zoom. And I do it especially. This is gonna sound funny, but I play a lot of bad guys. And as much as I meditate and try and do everything Else the body kind of knows. And I think you're kind of subconsciously inviting things in. So after I play a big old bad guy for three months, I always check in with him. He's like, oh, yeah, you got an interesting thing here. And sometimes you're like, this is actually from your childhood. And it's oftentimes these entities think that they're helping, thinking that they're doing you a favor. This angry old man might be like, oh, she's so sweet. She's so nice. Steve, the person we're hearing over the phone right now, Yeah, I gotta help out. I gotta be a boundary. It could well be a loved one from this life or another life of somebody thinking that you need an advocate, that your channel is too pure, that your vessel's too clear, and that they have to stand there and be that angry old man fighting for you. Most times, they think they're helping. They think they're here to help.

[F]

I like this version much more.

[A]

Yeah, right? Yeah. This is something or someone, whether. I don't know if I believe that it's a ghost from your first house. It may well be a loved one or an elder or an ancestor or someone that thinks that they're helping but has joined you on a cosmic ride they were not invited to join you on.

[D]

A hitchhiker is what we call it in the field.

[A]

Oh, is it really?

[D]

Yeah, you know, I mean, look, I don't, I, I, I'm. I'm maybe a little more skeptical about this stuff than Eric is. But I will say, like, this is something that has been reported. A lot of times when people go to a place that has a large abundance of paranormal activity, people will report taking it home with them. And it's you, it's, it's usually not a very positive experience. And they do that called. They call it the hitchhiker effect. So very well. I mean, like, you know, Eric's got some theories about maybe past life energies and parasitic energies you know more about than I do. However, I think maybe it is worth exploring the childhood home. You can either sit back and just wait for someone else to say this and have a fourth, A fourth person mention this. And that's no fun. That's going to ruin your day, you know, or you could be proactive and try something. And I know you're, you're. You were kind of saying you're not a risk taker. I think this is minimal risk. I am going to defer. I would defer to Eric on this one and say, eric, do you think you could talk to one of your friends and they could just do a basic zoom meeting?

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna set up a zoom meeting with her. And I'm joking about Jake Payne for it. I'm happy to, because I have a feeling real magic will come from this.

[D]

Yeah, we'll figure that out.

[A]

We'll get some answers.

[F]

Guys, I love this idea. This sounds great.

[A]

Really.

[D]

Emma.

[G]

What? I was.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Emma, I'm gonna get rid of this guy, this old man. He can hear us now. You think that you're serving her, but you're not. And we're asking and inviting you to go because you're not wanted here anymore. Yeah, we know you think you're helping, but Emma is a giant, bright, shining soul, and she's got everything taken care of on her own. We don't need you anymore. And do not come over to this guy and do not come to Steve. No, Burke. God damn it.

[D]

Well, I'm a researcher.

[A]

Oh, no. This is how we get in trouble, Steve. You gotta clear that.

[D]

You're right. You're right, you're right.

[A]

So, Emma, I promise you, I'm willing to bet a steak dinner in Winnipeg, Saskatchewan, wherever, wherever, we're going to clear this thing. And I happen to know the perfect healer that will clear this thing. And not only that, you're going to get information on who it is, how it happened, and we're going to check in back with you, and I think we're going to have some amazing answers. And I think deep down, based on those three things, that's a heck of a lot of evidence that this is going on, especially the 10 year old, because kids know, like my dad talks about, he was like 2 or 3 and have vivid memories of sitting on a porch as an old lady. My niece has demanded babka at age 2 and say, no, no, I'm Jewish. I want babka. And like, it's. I think the veil is very thin with kids, and the kids know. And so I would take what the kids said with as much weight as I would the sweat lodge and the third person. But, Emma, we're going to get to the bottom of this. And ultimately it'll be your decision if you want this old man to peace out. I think you do. And I think his work here is done. I think he was trying to help, but we're going to figure this out.

[D]

And Emma, I also was just one other thing I want to add. There are things in your life that oftentimes when. That, you know, you. They've been festering and, you know, since 2012 was the first time someone said this to you, now it's 2025. So this stuff has been building up in you, and obviously, like, it can affect you subconsciously in a way where it's like a slightly, like, doesn't feel good. I'm not saying it's unhealthy, but I think the basic act of you being proactive is going to alleviate 80% of it. So what do you think? What do you think, Emma?

[F]

100 in. I love this idea. I already feel comfortable with the idea of a healer giving me some knowledge, intensely helping me get rid of this guy. I love the idea that he might not be evil, but might be here to help me.

[G]

Right.

[F]

So I love all of everything you've said.

[D]

Yeah. And like. And the thing is, you know, the people who are interpreting this stuff, I mean, like, I would go ahead and say, like, I feel like they might be wrong. I mean, like, no one. No one is an expert on any of this stuff. And if anyone tells you they're an expert, run, because they're not. There is no certainty when it comes to this stuff.

[A]

Emma. I am an expert. I know what I'm doing. I'm deeply rooted in these cultures, and we're gonna get this thing out, and it's gonna happen. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But I truly think. How do you intuitively right now feel hearing this? Are you starting to feel some kind of cosmic shaking going on right now? Even the idea of this, I. I.

[F]

Actually feel comforted by this. Like, legitimately, I'm feeling comforted. I'm like, okay, I can be proactive. I can take, you know, charge of this. Yeah. This is something that I have thought about often.

[A]

I love this. And I think you'll be surprised when you find out whatever's there thinks that it's helping and guarding you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Every single one I've had had a justification for why it was there. Right.

[D]

And it's really hard when you feel like you don't have any agency in life, you know? So I feel like just a simple act of you, like, saying, like, hey, you know what? I'm gonna get a little weird and get out of my comfort zone and try something that is not actually in my. My cultural field of play normally, and try something new. And if it doesn't work, obviously, just blame Eric.

[A]

Blame. Blame me, and then we'll make a joke out of it. That's why we're all here. If you've heard that we're here to chats. I get a lot of shit and I deserve a lot of shit. But I think you ran into the right two giant hippies today.

[D]

Yeah, I think so too. I would love we have your information. We're going to get on top of trying to line you up with someone we feel like is a good fit for you.

[F]

I think it's great. I totally trust him.

[A]

Emma, thank you. We're so glad to be able to help.

[D]

We can tell you're a lovely person. Whatever is hanging on to you, whatever this hitchhiker is, it is not a reflection of you. Remember that. Know that, believe that.

[A]

And it might have served its purpose. You might have needed an angry old man. I wish I had an angry old man for a lot of my 20s and 30s to help me with boundaries.

[D]

You did.

[A]

You were hanging out with Jake. Yeah.

[D]

What are you talking about?

[A]

But I think we're gonna. We're gonna delicately and with love tell this old man that his work is done. Emma's got this. Now we're gonna shake off this hitchhiker, we're gonna drop him off at the liquor store and we are gonna drive away.

[F]

Yeah, sounds great. Thank you so much, guys.

[D]

Honor to meet you, friend.

[A]

Honor to meet you. And it's an honor to meet the old man with you as well.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm sorry that your days are numbered.

[D]

And also, and just know this, when you meet this person, no matter what you think, like, no matter how outside the comfort zone is, I would say play the game, lean into the game. Take the advice, try it. If it doesn't work, then God bless you can throw it away. But I would say, like, when you have this session with this person, just be very open minded to it. So we're excited for you, Emma, and you're a wonderful person. This is going to be great. Thank you so much for calling.

[F]

Thank you so much, guys.

[A]

Bye, Emma. We'll talk soon. You're stuck with us.

[D]

Bye, Emma.

[A]

Bye, friend.

[F]

Thanks. Bye.

[G]

Bye.

[D]

Now we wait.

[A]

Now we wait.

[D]

Now we wait. Oh, just sitting here. Oh, eight, one, eight till we die. I see an 818 number from the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, California. How are you doing, friend? Welcome to Weird. Here to help.

[G]

Hey, you're talking to me. I'm at. I'm. I'm not in that place. I'm in a different country. I'm in Japan.

[D]

Oh, well, I could not have been any more incorrect on that, could I?

[A]

Please do visit San Fernando Valley, though. Sometimes incredibly, incredibly underrated, but we say Ohio. Gozaimas to you. Suimasen.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

Boko nona mae. Eric Wa.

[D]

Whoa.

[G]

Hey Eric. And hey Steve. Thank you very much for having me. It's 5:45 in the morning here in Japan, so excuse me if I'm not so sharp. So I'll do my best. Say my name or something.

[D]

Yeah, what's your name, pal?

[G]

Okay, well look, is it okay if I use a fake name?

[A]

Sure, use whatever you want.

[G]

Okay, cool. I'm gonna go with Aaron. Is that okay if you call me Aaron?

[D]

We like it. You sound like an Aaron.

[A]

You're Aaron from now on. Yeah, talk to us, Aaron.

[G]

Okay, cool. I'll try and keep the question pretty quick and sweet, but it's a bit of a whole picture I'd like to paint. The picture is. The question is I got a weird email accusing me of interfering with another man's hat. Not just once, but twice.

[D]

Another. Did you say another man's hat?

[G]

Yeah, I had what you put on the head, right, A hat that you were. Excuse me, excuse me.

[D]

Interfering with her hat.

[G]

Yes, he accused me of interfering with his hat twice. Not once but twice. And the question would be, should I respond and if so, how?

[D]

Aaron, let me just stop you right there real quick. I'm having a hard time kind of picturing in my head interfering with a hat.

[G]

I'd like to paint a little picture up until the emails, if you wouldn't mind.

[D]

Context.

[G]

Okay, the context, that's, that's exactly what I'll go for. Okay, so I have a rather unique job here in Japan. Like I'm an English teacher, but also I preside over Christian style weddings. Not so Christian as some others would be, you know, but hey, it's, it's. I earn a bit of money out of it. I quite enjoy. It's a very unique job.

[A]

Yeah, it's a gig.

[G]

I'm very lucky to have this really fascinating job. Anyway, at the end of the, what do you call it, semester, the July or so last year, we have a summer drinking party with a bunch of the other wedding conductors. This is where it all happened. The incident of the hat. Right? Now if I can paint a little picture of the participants is about seven or eight, I think I count on the top of my head participants 1, 1 young Japanese lady and she's like the coordinator and the rest are pretty much older white dudes because that just fits the bill of a, you know, wedding celebrant here in Japan. And pretty much all of them are balding. There's two of them who have hair, you know, regular kind of hair on the head. And the rest of them are either shiny, bald or receding right back, you know, moustache on the back of the headstones. Right. Okay. And so we're having a great time. Having a great time. I've got to introduce one other character. This is the main character and I'm going to call him Barry. Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[G]

Yeah, Barry. I might even call him Barry Pooper. Who cares? Anyway, Barry, he's an older guy, much older guy. He's a veteran. He's got scraggly here like kind of like Hulk Hogan in his very later years, blonde and thinning. And he's got a kind of dresses like Crocodile Dundee or something. He's got a. He's got a hat on. Now this is really important, the hat.

[D]

He's a gross old guy kind of.

[G]

Yeah. And he refuses to take his head off because I don't know why, he's got complexes about his hair or something like that. I mean he's balding. You're in a room with a bunch of balding folk. So early August, about 4th of August, I get this, the email. Here we go. Aaron San, I do not have your email address so I am having Kanaka San use her good offices to forward this letter to you. For me, there is an unresolved issue which occurred at our summer party. Someone removed my hat twice without permission or apology. This act was very disrespectful to me and is of dubious legality. I did not confirm the identity of the Cretan at this party who did this because it would have caused a big commotion and ruined the party atmosphere for the other people there. Could you please confirm my suspicion that you are the person who did this? Please reply. Reply directly to me at email or send your reply back to Tanaka San. Best regards or. Regards Barry. Not best regards, just regards, Barry.

[A]

First off.

[G]

What the anxiety attack?

[D]

Yeah, hold on, hold on. Aaron, I gotta say this is one of the most aggressive emails I've ever heard. First off, if he thinks a guy and he's calling you a Cretan first. If I ever calls me a cretin, you're gonna see. You're gonna see the dragon.

[A]

Yeah, that's like an old west insult. Like you have to take off your glove and slap someone afterward. It's the rule. All right, we have to look at.

[E]

The rest of the emails because unfortunately there's more setup. It's in the emails all the way through.

[G]

Okay, I'd love to continue. So I paint my first reply and it goes like this. Hi, Barry, I'm sorry that somebody tampered with your hat. As a balding man myself, I am also very sensitive to having my head and its adornments interfered with. It does not bring me joy to hear of your discomfort, nor do I appreciate your suspicion or accusations of me being a Cretan or someone who would do that. I did not witness the events you described, nor do I have any information that could help with your investigations. I wish you good luck in your investigations and hope you find peace. For the record, I can confirm that I'm most definitely not a Cretan, nor the person who interfered with your hat.

[A]

10 out of 10 response out the gate. It's perfect, right?

[D]

You're a good writer.

[G]

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I took a lot of work and. Because I don't want to just go half ass and angry, email, you know, midnight or something, you know, I want to proofread that.

[D]

And dog, I am so glad you brought up the. The offensiveness of the word cretin. That's like digging that. Well, it's like that guy sat there, twiddle his thumbs, looked him in the air, like, what's the worst thing I could call this person? I'm a CR. Man. Get on my face, Jack. Come on.

[G]

Get on my face, Jack. Exactly.

[A]

Can you read us this response? Because this gets even more wild.

[G]

It gets wild. He replies to me pretty much right away. Aaron, Sam, thank you for your quick reply. I did not accuse you of being a Cretan. I asked you if you were the Cretan at the party who removed my hat. If you. If you closely read my earlier email to you, you will notice there is no comma in my question. The lack of comma makes a huge difference.

[D]

Oh, my.

[G]

You are a suspect because you are sitting next to me at the. But when my hat was removed, you were not sitting next to me. What the.

[D]

Okay, first off, it's the, The. The crime he's committing of you, which isn't a crime, obviously you can remove. I mean, like, when he brought up legality in the first email, I'm like, give me a break, you baby. I mean, like. I mean, like, God, like. I mean, yeah, no one wants her hat removed. I don't want my hat removed. But, like, get over it. Like, it's a moment in time.

[G]

Should I just let him go on his merry way and just let him sit in the silence or.

[D]

No, no, no, no. I'm A big believer in justice needs to be served, no matter how cold the darn case is. Eric, where do you stay?

[A]

Yeah, and you've enlisted us now because, honestly, part of our job in life is to battle against the pricks. Yeah, and now we found one. So I think what we should do is send this guy an anonymous email just saying, hey, Coach.

[G]

Right? So we keep an email format, like, not get him some pictures delivered.

[A]

No, I'm saying this comes from us, and we just clearly. Lunatic. Yeah, and out of his gourd. And those people can be fun to mess with. So I vote Steve. We set up an anonymous email account and tell this guy, hey, I'm the guy that messed with your hat.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm gonna do it again. I moved to Japan to mess with balding men's hats, and my dream's finally coming true.

[G]

I've got a little. I've got a little side story. Would you indulge me? Would you let me go off on a little tangent here?

[D]

Aaron, Go to town, babe. Let's do it.

[G]

Okay, I'm going to town. We're going to town. So there's so, like, I've been in Japan for 20 years, like I said, but I'm kind of a spring chicken, really, compared to some of these guys. A bunch of them are really lifers. You know, they've been around the block, you know, old. They've got grandkids and stuff. But there is one younger guy who's just joined the gang, and he's only been here in Japan, like, a couple of years. And we're all sober at the start. And so, you know, I give him a clink of the beer and say, hey, man, what's your name? I get to talk to him. And he's interesting, the same sort of things as me, and, oh, wow, that's pretty cool, you know? And as the night goes on, I'm gonna call this guy Gary. Is that all right?

[D]

Yeah, Gary's a great utility name for anyone. Perfect.

[G]

Yeah, Gary. So, Gary. Yeah, Gary, he gets. He's just. He's just a kid, you know, just two years in Japan. He's got a Japanese yokin, apparently, I think he said. And he's got a few beers under his belt there, and he's getting a bit loose and gaggly and chatty and stuff like that. And I don't even know how this happened, but he leans into me, leans over to me, he says, hey. And he whispers to me. Like, his face is like, sort of 10, 15 centimeters when he says I'm actually a seed saver and I go what? I'm a seed saver and I said oh really? Well I dabble in a bit of gardening myself you know I like to you know, scoop out what he's talking about grow some chili peppers no and then he goes no no and his eyes glare up you know with a bit of a knowingly nod and he goes to no I'm a seed saver like oh oh, oh gross so this.

[D]

This guy is like proudly telling perfect strangers such as yourself hey how about those cubs? Oh wow yeah well you know by the way I never jack off I never spill my seed that's weird the.

[G]

Reason I brought up the other chap Gary the seed saver is if you wanted to play detective if you wanted to get to the bottom of this crime I kind of feel that he would be my suspect he was playful and drunk and not knowing where the boundaries are and not like I'm everybody else is bull so I almost think that he might be do you A little troublemaker well you.

[D]

Know now we're playing detective now this gets interesting I.

[A]

Mean Berg this is filtered to say that they're seed saving is also the kind of son of a that's gonna pull a balding man's hat off twice.

[D]

I agree right now he's this guy.

[A]

Just handled it so poorly but we already know he dragged dresses like Crocodile Dundee so logic is out yeah like you know, fun movie nice time we're not trying to dress like that and this guy's leather fedora got removed and he's going crazy and one we have to protect our friend here because the tone of that email's mental illness it is and he threw out the C word comma or not way too soon.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That'S at 5:45 in the morning over there talking to us helping us with this incredible call but I'm sure it's the seed Saver but if this were Columbo the Seed Savers who everybody thinks did it but isn't because that's so wild Steve, what if we try because this is my favorite when someone annoys me, kill them with kindness Interesting instead of that put the dagger in while grinning at them and just filleting them what if you say that you basically want to devote your life right now to solving this case that this guy has been so egregiously wrong by having his hat removed twice that you really want to get to the bottom and find who this cretin is that you may have a Suspect. Somebody had a very ribald conversation with you after a few drinks. And then we start to say, like, hey, you know, you match their crazy by pretending to mirror it. And that will drive them kind of crazy on their own while you don't get a speck of mud on you.

[D]

I like that, Eric.

[G]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Like we say, like we approach us like we're. We're One of the great 70s detectives, Colombo, Mannix or whatever of like, I. I have been trying to work on this case. I really appreciate you working. You are right. That comma was absolutely. Took it away from an accusation to a friendly question. How do we solve this case? How do we get to the bottom of who this vicious hat. There's a hat thief walking around Japan. No accountability. He's going to do it again.

[D]

It could be one of these things where you kind of like turn the tables on him, Eric. I love the idea.

[A]

He won't know what to do when you do this with people because they're putting venom out in the world wanting it back. Yeah, Brother Aaron, they want that email from you. Don't contact me. You're giving them what you want.

[D]

Right.

[A]

If you do this of genuinely like, I'm here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

How do we find this monster? I had someone that had a borderline inappropriate sexual conversation. You want to talk legal? I was kind of harassed.

[D]

You know, I'll tell you over the.

[A]

Appetizer course because I do think we have a seed saver hat thief that needs to be stopped.

[D]

I think so too. So, Aaron, are you able to type something on your. Should we just. Let's. Let's craft a female.

[G]

Here we go. Hello.

[D]

Whatever his name is.

[A]

I hope this message finds you well.

[D]

I love that, Eric. I love.

[A]

Come on, we're starting. Sweet.

[D]

Yeah, we're starting to also find you. Well, it's such a. Like a. Almost condescend. It's condescending a little.

[A]

Sort of a little bit. But couldn't. And then this guy was wrong. Let's acknowledge that wrong. From the giggle of like, I'm just so sorry this happened to you. In the old west, you could get hung for taking a man's hat off, especially if you had male pattern baldness.

[D]

I love getting hung like that. That's great, right?

[A]

Yeah. Some crazy. Like match crazy with crazy. And they don't quite know what to do. Right. They're off balance.

[D]

I love the.

[A]

But then you're gonna come in now and you're here to help because we want to spread this helping around this world. A troubled World needs more help, and you're gonna. You get to be our guest helper today.

[D]

I will say, I think Eric's flying verbatim of in the Old west, that could get you killed.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was on the same equivalent of stealing a horse, taking a man's hat off. Like, you know, there's a lot of balding cowboys we don't talk about enough. You don't see him because Hollywood.

[D]

It's also disarming in a way where I feel like this guy's like, God, this guy, like, out crazy me. So, you know, like.

[A]

Which is the only language they respond to, sadly. And that's how we're going to win today.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. So do you have that. In the Old west, you could be killed for such an offense.

[G]

Yeah. However, the Old west, you could get killed for messing with a man's hat.

[D]

Yeah. However.

[A]

Oh, I love it. Love your delivery there.

[D]

However, we have not. We find ourselves not in the Old west, but in the current era of 2000. Yeah.

[A]

Which I'm sure he killed in feudal Japan as well. Like, there was a code.

[D]

Look, there was a code.

[A]

You don't take a man's hat. We're gonna make this guy feel seen with the hat removal.

[D]

Yeah. Read what you have so far, pal.

[G]

Okay. Hey. Hello, Barry. I hope this message finds you well. I admit that I can't stop thinking about your hat. I am so sorry I started typing. I don't know what happened after that. In the old west, you could get killed for messing with man's hat. Or in the. In feudal Japan, you could. Is that better?

[A]

Yeah, as well. But we find ourselves. We don't know what city you were in, so I'm just gonna throw it. We find ourselves in Hokkaido 2025, with a mystery on our hands that can't be handled in such a way.

[G]

However, we find ourselves, not in the Old west, but in modern.

[A]

2025. This is going to be the best email, and it's going to drive this guy insane.

[D]

Yeah, we're making jazz right now.

[A]

Oh, my God. Right? We're a good three guys.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

Okay, so. Okay, so now let's get into the most important part of. We kind of got. We got the jabs out of the way. Now let's get down to business, and let's. Let's lean into it. Let's pour gas on the fire of detective work. So I think now you see that, like, however I have been. However I have been re. Something to this effect. I have been replaying and reverse Engineering. The night of August 5th when. When the incident of the hat removal had happened twice.

[G]

Where the hat removal incident happened. What I've been replaying reverse July something. Where the hat removal incident occurred.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And while I am beyond confident that it was not me, I would have remembered doing something like that. And second, I would have never done something like that. I feel I may have a suspect for you.

[G]

I'm beyond confident that it was not me. You said something. I feel that I may have some intel.

[D]

Yes, I love intel. That's great intel.

[G]

I don't know.

[D]

I love intel. I keep intel.

[G]

Okay, cool. It was not me. Something, something. I feel I may have some information put into the case perhaps.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Pertinence of the case is good.

[A]

And like, as much as I don't want to cast aspersions or someone else as I thought I was accused, I will say I encountered someone that night in a state of drunkenness whose behavior was jarring, comma, and falls right in line with a two time hat thief.

[D]

And I think you can say something to the effect of like, I've come, you know, like I'm. I'm willing to overlook being, you know, wrongly accused in order to help you. In order to help you solve this case. Because I've, you know, like solve this.

[A]

Case as well as clear my name.

[D]

Yeah, it's worth. Clear my name and conscious. Yeah.

[G]

Clear my good name.

[A]

Yeah, it is a good name, damn it. Even if we don't know what it really is. Come on, Aaron. For now it's Aaron.

[D]

I'm willing to help you crack this case. And I think it would behoove the both of us.

[A]

So good.

[D]

It's so good to, to look into this suspect a bit more. And then you, I think you can cut to the end where you're like so blank, whatever your name is. Barry, Gary, Larry. Shall we work together to. To solve this case once and for all? All the very best.

[G]

Shall we work together? Shall we cooperate?

[A]

Yeah. And then you can say, and I also want to be very careful not to accuse this person without enough evidence because I know what it's like to be accused of being a thief unjustly.

[D]

Oh, that's.

[A]

That's beautiful. Come on.

[G]

Whoa.

[D]

It's beautiful.

[A]

And then you delicately get to have your moment that you're looking for. But while we're still a little approaching this from a place of love, even if we know it's bullshit.

[D]

Yeah, but you're gonna knock the wind out of him a little bit, which affirms that's right.

[A]

Just a little kick on the way out.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, we're human because we use 10% of our brains.

[D]

At the end of the day, I think the point of this is to make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their head. Right. That to me is like, it's really not to solve, but the fact that you would write this letter to come back and say, like, look, you, you giant baby man. Look, if it's been bugging me. So I'm going to. I'm going to put all my bygones aside and help you solve your case because you're a big man, baby, and like, let's do. Let's work together to solve this baby. And then you can go suck on your pacifier. You're saying all that without saying it in a professional way, and I love it.

[A]

Glorious subtext.

[D]

Feel free to put it in your own words. Obviously we gave you some recommendations, but I think the. I think the intention, the attitude and the moral high ground will read clearly.

[A]

I think what we should do is we're going to send this email and then we desperately want to know what that email coming back is. So we are hoping. I feel like today, rather than giving you a plate of sashimi, we've helped teach you to fish.

[G]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

In a passive aggressive asshole way, which people maybe wouldn't expect from Steve and I, but this is the shadow side of 13ft. This is how you can win. So you're stuck with us now, friend, and we sure like you. So we want you to send this email, craft us, and then we want to talk to you again and we want to hear the email that got back. And I'll also say this. I want to know who the hat thief is.

[D]

I do too.

[A]

I want to solve it a mystery. There's a hat thief walking around Japan, and that is not in line with the empathy, care, and consideration Japanese culture is so known for.

[G]

You guys are the absolute best, dude.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Enjoy meeting you, friend. Thank you for getting up so early. Thank you for involving me.

[G]

Me.

[A]

We're here to tell you you have been wronged, but we are going to get this guy back in the funniest and best way now.

[D]

I think so, too. Please let us know how this goes down.

[G]

I will. For sure. For sure.

[B]

All right, Jake, there it is. Weird. Here to help. We just did do a full breakdown for Patreon if people want to really see us. I mean, we spent. Spent a while just kind of cooking through the whole episode, you know, we'll do.

[C]

Why don't we add that to. We'll talk to Morgan. That'll be offered for free on Patreon.

[B]

So, yes, if you want to go.

[C]

Have a look, just check that out.

[B]

Just go. We really had a very good time.

[C]

We broke it down as if it was film study. We went scene by scene. Gareth did a great job technically, and we broke down what we thought of it. Very curious what you guys thought. Thank you to Eric and Steve.

[B]

What I think is great is that that to me, that works if you're into the world of the paranormal. Or if you're not.

[C]

Yes. But let us know. Email us, as always. Comment, let us know what you like. This is. We are potentially going to start doing Fridays too.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

But let us know. And to the gentleman in my Rivian yesterday at the Rivian shop who has ADHD like me and said, said I liked all the changes and how weird it is. You're welcome.

[B]

Yeah, I, I will say this is. This has been your brainchild. I mean, we talked, we talked about it a little bit, but this is, I just think, great. I really, I laughed. I mean, yeah, go to Patreon. I mean, we laugh. We have quite a time. But yeah, we'll keep doing more of these. And, and thank you to Steve and Eric. Eric who?

[C]

Crushing it. And if you guys like it and listen, there'll be more of it. Yeah, you know, we pay attention to the numbers. We would love Eric and Steve to keep doing it on Fridays.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Email in with We're Here to Help problems. And that's it. Thanks, everybody.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[E]

We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grim Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis. Associate producer Jesse Thurston. Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller.

[B]

Theme song by Oliver Raleigh. The country cover artwork is by James Fosdike, animations by Andrew Strelecki. And if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[F]

All video episodes of season one are.

[D]

Available now on Patreon, and season two.

[F]

Video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward/heretohelpod.

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