Podcast Summary: "We're Here to Help" – Episode 211

Weird Here to Help Vol 1: Angry Old Hitchhiker & A Two-Time Hat Thief
With Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein
Date: September 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This special edition, “Weird Here to Help,” trades the regular hosts Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds for their friends and fellow actors Steve Berg and Eric Edelstein. The duo acts as “weird problem solvers” for issues that veer outside the show's usual scope, stepping into the “surreal, psychedelic zone” with empathy, humor, and a healthy helping of the bizarre. The episode welcomes two unorthodox listener dilemmas for advice: one involving a possibly supernatural hitchhiker—the angry old man attached to a caller’s soul—and another entangling a “two-time hat thief” in Japan’s expat wedding-officiant community.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

I. Introduction: Embracing the Weird

[02:32 – 10:22]

• Taking Over the Show:
  Steve and Eric acknowledge flipping the regular format, embracing callers with problems that "wouldn’t normally be helped" by society.
  • “If you’re on this show, you are never going to talk to Jake and Gareth. First off, you have a weird issue. So you’re going to talk to two weird guys on Weird here to help.” (Eric, 04:14)
• The ‘13ft’ Dynamic:
  The duo jokes that together they become “13ft of love,” and sometimes, “13ft of retribution.”
• Wellness Corner:
  Before taking calls, Steve and Eric share small joys and recent obsessions—from a Pavement documentary (Steve) to a book of gossiping lunches with Orson Welles (Eric).
• Mantras:
  They highlight the importance of staying aware of “what’s good in your micro”—focusing on the little things that bring happiness despite the weirdness of the world.
• Banter on Yogurt and Bigfoot:
  A tangent arises on breakfast routines (Steve’s Greek yogurt “recipe”) and sage advice:
  • “If you are a civilian out there and you have some kind of F14, you're flying around that's armed to the teeth and you see a flying saucer... Leave the UFO alone.” (Steve, 08:27)

II. Caller 1: The Angry Old Man “Hitchhiker”

Emma from Saskatchewan
[13:43 – 35:37]

a. The Quandary:

Emma, a teacher, reports that over 10 years, three unrelated people—an indigenous elder, a 10-year-old student, and a colleague who’s a medium—told her she has an "angry old man attached to her soul." She’s unsure whether to take this seriously or dismiss it.

b. The Investigation:

• Emma recounts:
  • A feather landing on her during a sweat lodge, interpreted by elders as a bad omen.
  • A student claiming to see a constant, angry old man behind her while teaching.
  • A coworker (medium) saying an angry old man is attached to her soul.
• Steve walks through “paranormal checks,” asking about Ouija boards, haunted houses, or feeling out of control. Emma hasn’t engaged in divination but thinks her childhood home might have been haunted.

c. The Odd Squad’s Advice & Theoretical Deep Dives:

• Steve provides grounded skepticism:
  “All the things people are saying are not based in any kind of science whatsoever… You are not an evil person.” (Steve, 19:11)
• Eric leans mystical:
  Refers to undiscovered “science” of the energetic field, spiritual “parasites,” and offers to connect Emma with a real-life healer who “clears entities.”
  • “I have a guy that can clear this old man. This is not a joke… I have an incredible healer that I will refer to you that will remove this if you want it to be removed.” (Eric, 21:04)
• Discussion of Possible Origins:
  • It could be a paranormal “hitchhiker” from her childhood home, or an ancestral/protective spirit.
  • Steve recommends Emma check public records of her house and assures her that being proactive may alleviate most of the issue by itself.

d. Reassurance and Humor:

• Eric casts the “old man” in a (potentially) good light, as a protective force:
  • “This angry old man might be like, oh, she’s so sweet. She's so nice… I gotta help out. I gotta be a boundary.” (Eric, 27:23)
• Both commit to arranging a session with the energy healer and agree to follow up.
• Memorable moment as Eric jokingly warns off the “hitchhiker”:
  • “You think that you’re serving her, but you’re not… she’s got everything taken care of on her own. We don’t need you anymore. And do not come over to this guy and do not come to Steve, no, Berg. God damn it.” (Eric, 30:26)

e. Emma Responds & Resolution:

• Emma is open and comforted by the advice.
  • “I already feel comfortable with the idea of a healer giving me some knowledge, intensely helping me get rid of this guy. I love the idea that he might not be evil, but might be here to help me.” (Emma, 32:46)
• The call ends with mutual encouragement, plans for follow-up, and the hope of “delicately and with love” telling the old man his work is done.

III. Caller 2: The Two-Time Hat Thief Saga

Aaron (pseudonym), currently in Japan
[36:19 – 59:02]

a. The Situation:

Aaron, an expat wedding officiant, describes an escalating drama following a summer work party in Japan. He receives an irate email from “Barry,” a crocodile-hat-wearing veteran, accusing Aaron of twice removing his hat—an unforgivable act among balding men, per Barry.

b. The Evidence:

• Barry’s email is formal, overwrought, and litigious (accusations of “dubious legality”), calling the hat-remover “a Cretan.”
  • “Could you please confirm my suspicion that you are the person who did this? … For the record, I can confirm that I'm most definitely not a Cretan, nor the person who interfered with your hat.” (Aaron, 42:49)
• Aaron responds with dignified, humorous denials and receives a pedantic reply: Barry explains (without a comma) he was not calling Aaron a Cretan, only asking if he was “the Cretan.”

c. The Counselors’ Reaction:

• Steve and Eric marvel at the drama’s absurdity:
  • “If ever calls me a cretin, you’re gonna see… the dragon.” (Steve, 41:36)
• They riff:
  • On the “Old West” seriousness of hat-removal.
  • On the oddity of grown men fighting over headwear.

d. Side Mystery: The "Seed Saver"

• Aaron shares a subplot: a drunken coworker, “Gary the Seed Saver,” proudly told Aaron he never ejaculates, “saving his seed,” and was seen acting playfully disruptive. The hosts suspect he’s the true culprit—
  • “Seed savers is also the kind of son of a [bleep] that’s gonna pull a balding man’s hat off twice.” (Eric, 48:02)

e. Game Plan: Outweird the Weird

• They propose a strategy: respond to Barry with over-the-top faux-detective earnestness—jazzed-up politeness, dramatize the “crime,” and pivot suspicion onto “Seed Saver” Gary.
  • “What if you say that you basically want to devote your life right now to solving this case… that this guy has been so egregiously wrong by having his hat removed twice that you really want to get to the bottom and find who this cretin is…” (Eric, 49:36)
• They co-draft a tongue-in-cheek email with lines like:
  • “In the Old West, you could get killed for messing with a man's hat…”
  • “I feel I may have some information pertinent to the case… Shall we work together to solve this case once and for all? All the very best…”
• The intent? To “knock the wind out of him a little bit… make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their hat.” (Steve, 57:00)

f. A Cliffhanger Ending:

• The hosts urge Aaron to follow through and report back with Barry’s reply. The exchange evolves into a collaborative, almost performative, exercise in passive aggression and surreal diplomacy.

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “If you are a civilian out there… and you see a flying saucer, my advice, my first piece of advice on Weird Here to Help: leave the UFO alone.”
  — Steve Berg [08:27]

• “You may have caught a straggler. You may be dealing with an energetic entity… The Buddhists may say it’s there for a reason. Part of your journey in life is to solve this and figure it out.”
  — Eric Edelstein [21:04]

• “You think that you’re serving her, but you’re not. And we’re asking and inviting you to go because you’re not wanted here anymore.”
  — Eric Edelstein, addressing the 'hitchhiker' [30:26]

• “If I ever call me a cretin, you’re gonna see… the dragon.”
  — Steve Berg [41:36]

• “In the Old West, you could get killed for messing with a man’s hat.”
  — Eric Edelstein, draft email [51:25]

• “The point of this is to make the accuser feel ridiculous for accusing somebody of removing their hat. You’re saying all that without saying it, in a professional way, and I love it.”
  — Steve Berg [57:00]

Structure and Tone

• Playful, Affectionate, and Empathic:
  Steve and Eric’s approach is nurturing yet irreverent, always opting for kindness, wit, and a touch of the mystical or absurd when confronting even the oddest dilemmas.
• Experimental and Performing:
  The hosts openly treat the episode as a live brainstorm—riffing, role-playing, and collaborating on-the-fly with their callers.
• Meta and Self-Aware:
  They regularly poke fun at themselves and the nature of the show, keeping listeners in on the joke.

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:02 – 02:32: Standard Host Banter / Patreon Plug
• 02:32 – 10:22: Introduction—Steve & Eric's Dynamic, Wellness, Mantras, Greek Yogurt, UFO Advice
• 13:43 – 35:37: Caller 1 (Emma, “Angry Old Man Hitchhiker”)
• 36:19 – 59:02: Caller 2 (Aaron, “Two-Time Hat Thief” & the Seed Saver subplot)
• 59:18 – End: Wrap-up, Reflections & Next Steps

Takeaways

• For Emma:

  • Approach supernatural worries with self-kindness and humor. Being proactive—whether through spiritual “clearance” work or just lighthearted ritual—can offer agency and peace.
  • Sometimes protectors come in strange forms, and “weird help” is still help.

• For Aaron:

  • In the face of petty absurdity, “kill them with kindness” (or out-weird them with performative earnestness) is sometimes the sharpest tool.
  • Laughter and camaraderie make even “dubiously legal” hat crimes and ex-pat drama worth weathering.

If you're tangled in something too odd for mainstream advice, these “13ft of love” are in your corner—ready to join your cosmic detective agency, or just help you craft the world’s most passive-aggressive email.