212: Sh*t Show & The Fancy Dorris Football League

Summary

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We're Here to Help – Episode 212

"Sh*t Show & The Fancy Dorris Football League"
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: September 29, 2025

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Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, joined by Jesse Thurston and several callers, tackle another round of outlandish listener problems while riffing on their own misadventures. The central themes revolve around awkward neighborly views (literally), the perils of immortalizing inside jokes in public, and the epic resolution of the much-anticipated “pickle and chip” match. As always, their advice is a mix of practical suggestions, wild antics, and plenty of laughter.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Opening Banter and Bits

• [01:28–04:40] Classic playful, improvisational riffs about safety warnings ("If you're about to go on a roller coaster...").
• Gareth recounts a “sleepover” on the couch with his daughter, including her bluntly refusing to call him a friend.
  • Memorable quote:
    • “She says, I’m not allowed to look at my phone.” – Gareth [04:24]
    • “The child is telling the father to put his phone down.” – Jake [04:29]
• Reference to their growing audience and Friday "Weird Here to Help" show. Gratitude for community engagement.

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2. Friendship Game Update

• [07:05–10:32] Jesse plugs an ongoing friendship matchmaking segment—Sarah from Philadelphia wins, looking for a female skateboarding companion.
• The “he knows where the hot dogs are” hat triggers more elevator awkwardness talk.
• Steve Berg emerges as a show favorite; jokingly framed as the true “star” of the operation.

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3. Caller #1: Nina’s Awkward Bathroom View

[14:50–27:41]

The Problem

Nina, 25, from Cape Town, South Africa, calls in with a bizarre challenge: A new apartment building across from hers has floor-to-ceiling bathroom windows directly in her sightline—and she keeps unwittingly witnessing people on the loo while she’s outside smoking.

• Nina: “I’ve seen three people go to the bathroom from my balcony. And it’s—the toilet is right by the window.” [16:47]
• Jake and Gareth react with mock enthusiasm and comic horror.
  • “Gareth would go like—I mean, wonderful. I get a smoke, I get to watch dumps. What could be better?” – Gareth [17:37]

Solutions Pitched

• Big Sign Gag:
  • “Put a big sign out your window that says, ‘I can see you dumping.’” – Gareth [20:17]
  • If prospective tenants saw it during a showing, the issue would have to be fixed.
• Undercover Tenant Ruse:
  • Jake: “Set up an appointment to go view these apartments... and when you see this, you say, ‘sorry, not to be crass, but people can see me go toilet!’” [22:22]
• Legal-Sounding Letter:
  • Dan (Danny J) suggests drafting a fake legal notice quoting bogus city regulations to spook the building.
• Candid Documentation:
  • Record the viewing and show, in real-time, how visible the bathrooms are, possibly enlisting friends to wave from Nina’s place.

Resolution and Follow-up

Nina is game to try a viewing and send an update. The hosts joke about ever-escalating prank calls (“play a real pervert who lives across the street...” – Jake [25:37]). Encouragement to quit smoking follows.

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4. Caller #2: Ben & The Fancy Dorris Fantasy Football League

[28:15–38:43]

The Problem

Ben, 37, from Louisville, Kentucky, runs a fantasy football league named after a beloved friend’s mom—“Fancy Doris”—with joke-laden, explicit team names now proudly engraved on a family trophy. As more league members become parents, kids have started asking what “Fancy’s First Round Facial” means… and awkwardness ensues.

• “Mine is Fancy’s first round facial.” – Ben [31:03]
• Jake and Gareth recoil: “This is not how I talk about Pam!” [31:13]

Solutions Pitched

• Family-Friendly Trophy:
  • Gareth proposes two trophies:
    • The original “real” trophy (with rude names) goes in a back closet.
    • A “family” trophy (generic, suitable for display) lives in the living room.
  • Jake: “The fake trophy you keep in front of everyone so that you still feel like a winner.” [35:54]
• Coded Language or Rotating Target:
  • Jake suggests themed jokes could target whoever comes in last each season instead—a “penance,” sparing Doris further embarrassment.
• Collaboration:
  • They advise Ben to rally another league member to manufacture a “family freakout” as motivation for the switch, so he doesn’t appear to have “gone soft.”

Callbacks and Reaction

• Ben agrees on the two-trophy plan and will send photos, “Do you want a picture of Fancy holding the fake trophy?” [38:00]
• Hosts delighted at the concept, emphasizing adaptability as families grow.

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5. "Pickle and Chip" Match: Taylor’s Triumph

[43:05–62:23]

Recap of the Event

Taylor recounts the highly anticipated pickleball showdown against his brother-in-law Brian—a storyline built up over multiple episodes.

• “The audience interest in this match—through the roof!” – Gareth [43:05]
• They organized a full production: three cameras, announcer booth, families (about 30 people), and even a fan who showed up with a custom “Team Taylor” sign.

Match Details

• Taylor, a pickleball coach, was “at a 6 or 7” on the nerves scale.
• Despite some early nerves, Taylor dominated:
  • “We doubled up. I got him 11 to 2, 11 to 2. He never stood a chance.” – Taylor [52:09]
  • Brian exhausted, needing a pickleball “time out”—a point of much ridicule.
• “He called himself the Congo. He took a time out.” – Jake [52:28]
• Both families were present, some “animus” on the sidelines, but ultimately good-spirited.
• Loser Brian is expected to honor his lost bet: a dinner in a thong.

Reflection and Future Plans

• Taylor: “He backed himself into this corner.” [56:33]
• On enforcing the bet:
  • “Would he make you do it?” – Jake
  • “Oh yeah.” – Taylor [56:54]
• Taylor plugs his coaching in Sedona, AZ (Enchantment Resort, [58:10]).
• The hosts request fan follow-up, and future rematches (perhaps ping-pong) are floated.

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Notable Quotes

• “If you go to Turkey for a hair transplant surgery, make sure the needles going into your head don’t go too far in because they’ll kill you today.”
  – Gareth [02:20]
• “I’m a smoker. I spend a lot of time on my balcony which faces these bathrooms. And I have seen three people go to the bathroom from my balcony...”
  – Nina [16:46]
• “Put a big sign out your window that says, ‘I can see you dumping.’”
  – Gareth [20:17]
• “Mine is Fancy’s first round facial.”
  – Ben [31:03]
• “The fake trophy you keep in front of everyone so that you still feel like a winner.”
  – Jake [35:54]
• “We doubled up. I got him 11 to 2, 11 to 2. He never stood a chance.”
  – Taylor [52:09]
• “He called himself the Congo. He took a time out.”
  – Jake [52:28]
• “Would he make you do it?”
  – Jake
  – “Oh, yeah.” – Taylor [56:54]

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Timestamps of Major Segments

• 00:00–01:24: Ads, opening banter
• 01:24–10:32: Studio chat & friendship game updates
• 14:50–27:41: Nina’s “toilet window” dilemma
• 28:15–38:43: Ben and the “Fancy Dorris” fantasy football league
• 43:05–62:23: Pickle and chip match: Taylor’s story, video review, and aftermath

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Tone and Style

The episode is packed with loose, improvisational riffing, absurd humor, and unfiltered camaraderie. Jake and Gareth approach each caller’s issue with mock-seriousness and comedic invention but balance the laughs with truly inventive, if sometimes outlandish, advice. The show thrives on escalating each premise, turning mundane or embarrassing real-life situations into shared, cathartic entertainment.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential taste of “We’re Here to Help”—half advice, half comedy, all bits and banter. Even without prior episodes for context, the problems and the hosts’ playful dynamic are accessible and engaging. Skipping advertisements and meta show notes, the real meat lies in their sideways wisdom and the community built around outrageous listener stories.

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To follow up, listeners are invited to share updates or be featured in future episodes. For video versions, Patreon access is available; Taylor’s pickleball victory footage will be on social media.

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Transcript

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

And we are back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a Gareth Sweet Jesse and Jake Monday. And folks, the boys. Buckle up. Button up. If you're driving a car, make sure your belly is buckled.

[Jake Johnson]

If you're about to go on a roller coaster, have the fella come over and make sure that little groin thing is really locked in there on you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you're alone with the kid, make sure they're not near the edge of the cabinet. Because when you hear what's going to happen, they're going to fall off.

[Jake Johnson]

If you're in a garage and you kind of turn it into a half locker room with a jujitsu dummy, make sure the padlock is locked and the keys close by.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you're eating a weird sausage, make sure you chew it a bunch because you could choke to death.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, what we're saying is if you're in a convertible, you can have the top down, but don't get comfy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What we're saying is, if you go to Turkey for a hair transplant surgery, make sure the needles going into your head don't go too far in because they'll kill you today.

[Jake Johnson]

And bring a second passport, baby, because you're a new you, baby, and the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guy is not going to recognize you at tca. He's going to go, who's this hairy guy? I Saw a bald guy in this photo. Today is the day you're going to find out what happens on the pickle and chips match. This is the follow up.

[Jesse Thurston]

Do you guys know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want to know. I don't know. You don't even highlight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Natalie doesn't know. No, I said to Natalie, make sure you don't know either. She. None of us know what happened. We. What we do know is that they played and we do know. I believe some people showed up for it and I know they filmed it and I know they're working on something and I don't know if we'll get that or how it's going to go, but I just want to say to the community and everybody else, this is a big ass day.

[Jake Johnson]

It's big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Super Bowl Sunday. Another thing I would like to say to the community is thanks for supporting weird here to help on Friday. The numbers were pretty big, folks.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I mean, what heads are huge now. Huge. And they were already big now. Did you. They exceeded your expectation as you drink from a thimble with your little coffee diet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got things going on mentally, okay. And emotionally.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually, my daughter and I had a sleepover last night and we decided to do it on the couch.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you mean you watch Little Miss.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, you could just do a regular night in the house where everyone goes to bed. And I said, we're friends. She said, we're not. I said, but we kind of are. She goes, you're definitely not my friend. And I said, mom's going to bed. Let's turn tonight into a goddamn sleepover. You're crying, blankets on the couch, renting a movie. She said, this isn't what I would choose. You're not my pick.

[Jake Johnson]

As you were checking the Weird here to help numbers throughout, you're like, yeah, it's a great movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. She says, I'm not allowed to look at my phone.

[Jake Johnson]

Smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm literally, I'm literally sitting there thinking.

[Jake Johnson]

So funny that she's. The. The child is telling the father to put his phone down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's. You know what happens is you tell a kid things enough times.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then they tell it to you. And what the problem is, you then have to listen. Like, I had these. I had these like weird, like calcium build up on my eyelids and so I went to check them out just to make sure. Oh, Gareth, I got a story for you.

[Jake Johnson]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta. I got a great story for you that I Might. It might be too long for this intro, but I gotta bang.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's bang.

[Jesse Thurston]

Okay. We got a lot of business to cover. Let's get into the next one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a banger for you.

[Jake Johnson]

Anything that any calcium build up on my eyes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This one's a banger, man. This one made me laugh.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, great, great.

[Jesse Thurston]

So, I mean, in addition to the pickle and chip classic, which is we're going to find out about today, we need to tell people what happened with the Lions tickets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesse take over big Daddy.

[Jesse Thurston]

Well, it was overwhelming. As overwhelming as you guys know. And maybe that shouldn't have been a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Surprise, but it was a surprise to me.

[Jesse Thurston]

Yeah, it was. It was a landslide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It wasn't even close.

[Jesse Thurston]

Not even close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At a over a 93% clip. Aaron won.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. As she should have, though. But it was just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was it. But I thought it would be 70, 30. She. It won so bad. We texted they. They or emailed them. They're both happy with the results. They're happy they did the show and they're moving on.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And so are we. But, yes, Aaron won in a total landslide. She bought him. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But I. I didn't think it was going to be that much of a slaughter.

[Jake Johnson]

Her only. The only thing she did wrong was not saying don't cry for me, Argentina very well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was the only problem she did wrong was face you in a singing.

[Jake Johnson]

Match that honestly, if that's way back the tape, you'll hear that I was leading you to say that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But that is what happened.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because if you. If I sang, if you said you do a competition with Jake and I did my singing, she would have won that day.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I'm glad we didn't go there. We got. It's better that the audience voted but Aaron won. So people can rest easy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

It's over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's over. And it was. They're happy she went to the game.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But she. I mean, it was a lot of you voted, so we really appreciate that. It was over 92% last time I checked. I haven't checked in a little bit since. It's over. But big, big numbers for Aaron. Yeah.

[Jesse Thurston]

Well, and speaking of audience interaction, we want to plug the friendship game. So we've got a new, new season. I don't know what we call it.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Jesse Thurston]

We got a new contestant. We got a new.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, great friend.

[Jesse Thurston]

We got a new friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did the person already win?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, so we have.

[Jesse Thurston]

Yes, we have. We have our next, like lead of the show.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Jake Johnson]

French Alert.

[Jesse Thurston]

Our next.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, don't we have to announce who won?

[Jesse Thurston]

French alert. We have already announced it. We have already announced it, but we need people to in.

[Taylor]

On.

[Jesse Thurston]

In a note.

[Jake Johnson]

I think I said it.

[Jesse Thurston]

I think I said it on an episode.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's say it again. Who won?

[Jesse Thurston]

Let's say it again. So Sarah from Philadelphia, 38.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1.

[Jesse Thurston]

She received FAR and away the most number.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She did.

[Jesse Thurston]

She did. And she is a. She's looking for somebody to go skateboarding with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Steve Berg is a. What was his ridiculous quote?

[Jesse Thurston]

He's a connoisseur of the skateboard appreciator.

[Jake Johnson]

That's right.

[Jesse Thurston]

Whatever that means.

[Jake Johnson]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I will say I still wear the he knows where the hot dogs hat are a lot.

[Jake Johnson]

So do I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. It's shocking how many people comment on it.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't know what to make of it.

[Jake Johnson]

No, that's why. Because it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They don't know what to make of it.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a great hat because people read it and then they're like, there's follow ups. Even our apps have follow ups.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the. The response I get is people don't know what this means. They'll go like this. All right. Then they'll go. It's mostly older people. Like in an elevator. They'll go, he knows where the hot dogs are. And I'll just go like this. Yep. And then they'll go like, all right.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Have a good day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Follow up will just be two men in an elevator, one guy in his mid-60s going like, I guess that guy knows where hot dogs are.

[Taylor]

That's how it ends.

[Jake Johnson]

That guy looked familiar to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope, never.

[Dan (Danny J)]

60S.

[Jesse Thurston]

So, yeah, we need people to. We need to find some contestants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So where does she live?

[Jesse Thurston]

Philly. Philly area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As soon as we find a couple of. And is she looking for a woman or does she care?

[Jesse Thurston]

She's looking for a woman. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah. So if you're a lady in the Philly area, you like skateboarded. And Gareth and I have not listened to that episode. We're trying to. So what else about this woman, Jesse? Or guess what if you're in the Philly area and you're considering. Listen to the Friday episode where they do Steve and Rob. Interview these ladies and see if you're a goddamn match.

[Jesse Thurston]

Yeah, we love the show on that episode. So just start at the beginning. Listen to. Listen to Sarah. And then you can turn it off.

[Jake Johnson]

And. And fight.

[Jesse Thurston]

Don't turn it off.

[Jake Johnson]

Fight through Steve talking about food. We do get to the heart of what we' looking for, which is a. A friend for Sarah. So Steve will talk about food quite regularly, but just hang in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? I think it's time we have to stop teasing. No, Steve. I'll tell you why. He's the star of the show. We work for him.

[Jake Johnson]

No, stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's his. It's he, and we're the side.

[Jake Johnson]

I will only concede to that because, you know, nothing makes me happier than Steve driving Steve in the driver's seat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guess what? He's driving our world.

[Jake Johnson]

Give it to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But by the way, I feel similar with Eric. Steve and Eric are the kings now, and you and me are the vice presidents.

[Jake Johnson]

Gareth, you could throw in a few less puns and just pick your spots.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, J man, enough negativity for once. Shut up. Let's start this show.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, all right. Well, without further ado.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Jake Johnson]

Hello?

[Nina]

Oh, my God. Hi.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God. Hello. Hello. Can we get your name? Oh, good, thank you. How are you?

[Nina]

I'm good. I'm a little shaky and freaking out, to be honest, but I'm Good.

[Jake Johnson]

You're doing great already. It's going to be real easy as soon as we start. So why don't we start with your name, where you're calling from, approximate age, and we'll get into your problem.

[Nina]

Okay. My name is Nina. I'm calling from Cape Town, South Africa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What an accent you got, Nina. You go to international school, Jake.

[Nina]

Sorry, you were both speaking at the same time. Can you say that again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome to the show.

[Nina]

Thank you so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, keep going, Nina.

[Nina]

Okay, so I'm 25. That's that.

[Jake Johnson]

Thank you for being our first South African caller.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Nina]

I'm so honored.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, it's great.

[Nina]

Okay, so basically, I've got a bit of a ridiculous problem. I live in an apartment on the third floor in Cape Town and a five story apartment has just been built across the road and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quick pause. Nina, my brother Dan, AKA Danny J, just joined. Dan, can you hear us? Can you hear us, Dan? All right, never mind.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, we'll bring him in in a second. Keep. Keep going, Nina. So you're on the third floor and across the street. What happened?

[Nina]

There's a five story building that's just been an apartment block that's just been built and there's still builders in it and people cleaning and stuff. All of the bathrooms are on my side of the building, so they face my apartment and they all have floor to ceiling windows.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, God. Oh, boy. That.

[Nina]

That's good.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Nina]

Okay, so I, I'm a smoker.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Nina]

I spend a lot of time on my balcony which faces these bathrooms. And I have seen three people go to the bathroom from my balcony. And it's the. The toilet is right by the window.

[Jake Johnson]

So there's the one.

[Nina]

No. So there's on every floor, there's one bathroom that the toilet is like in profile view and then there's another bathroom that's like, like straight on. And I've seen people go to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Taylor]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, so we're getting, we're getting a look right now. You ain't lying. Nina, we've got very. A very clear image of the toilet on right across from you. It is profile.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then also, if Gareth was you, this wouldn't be a problem. He'd be calling in with.

[Nina]

I'm loving it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Gareth would go like. I mean, wonderful. I get a smoke, I get to watch Dumps.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What could be better?

[Jake Johnson]

How do I get this woody fence out of the way so I could see a couple more of these?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do I get rent control? So I never have to move.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, by the way, honest, how is it watching people go to the bathroom?

[Nina]

It is so bizarre. So I feel like I got a lot of. I've got, like, some Voya in me. So I do get excited by this. Not in a sexual way, but sure.

[Jake Johnson]

We all say, yeah, not yet, soon.

[Nina]

But it is really weird. And the first time I saw it, I just froze and immediately looked away, even though the person didn't notice I was there. Obviously, I'm like, I can't look at this. But then I did, like, look back because I am curious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Were they sitting or standing?

[Jake Johnson]

They're sitting.

[Nina]

They were sitting and it was a man.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Dan. Dan, you can now hear us. Take your mute off. Yeah, baby. Dan, meet Nina.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Nina, what's up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Dan, did you get a glimpse of this problem? She's in South Africa. They built an apartment building across the way from her. From her balcony, she can see the toilet. If you see to the right there. So she's watching people go to the.

[Jake Johnson]

Bathroom, but we haven't even heard the problem just yet.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Yes, I'm waiting to hear what the problem is, Nina.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Nina]

So the problem is that I've been. So. First I saw two people go to the bathroom there. And then I was like, I need to tell the builders or something. I need, like, someone to know. So I went and I told the builders when I was, like, parking my car, and I just said, just so you guys know, I can see you all good at the toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how did you.

[Nina]

Really funny. I just walked up to them and I was like, I don't know who I can speak to about this, but I just want you to let you know I live across the road there, and when you guys go to the bathroom, we can see everything. And they found it really funny. And then they started, like, calling the other builder guys, being like, oh, this girl saw you. It must have been you on the toilet. I can't remember who it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So funny.

[Natalie Hollis]

Basically, my question is, what do I do? Because they've put the frosting on the bottom half of the windows, and I can still see everything. And the people coming for viewings, they, like, walk in the bathroom and they see it. And I'm sure someone's gonna say something, but, like, I can't guarantee that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, I know what you do, Nina.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This will change. The people who own the building will do it. Put a big sign out your window that says, I can see you dumping. And the reason you do that is If I was gonna move into a place and I was looking around and I'd be like, oh, it's lovely. I really like it. I went to the bathroom. I. You look out all the views before you rent or buy. And then if I looked out and I'm like, oh, there's a big mirror, and I saw. I can see you dumping.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would go, yeah, you guys gotta fix this window before I rent it. Put the frosting thing on. I don't know. It could fix it.

[Jake Johnson]

If you see this sign, I see you. Shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Natalie Hollis]

Yeah.

[Dan (Danny J)]

You might also get a side hustle and put up a live stream on the Dark Web and charge people for access.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, how much would you pay, Dan?

[Dan (Danny J)]

Well, I wouldn't pay anything, but I'm.

[Jake Johnson]

Very aware of a Jay would, but Jan Dodson would. It is.

[Dan (Danny J)]

It's so cute. I would definitely pay in bitcoin for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's a cool guy I know who would pay, but. So, Nina, what do you think about signage?

[Natalie Hollis]

I think that's a great idea. The only thing is that I just feel like frosting isn't enough because, yeah, it's like the toilet is right there by the window. And, like, even if they frosted the top half, I can still, like, I've.

[Jake Johnson]

Seen some frosting isn't enough.

[Natalie Hollis]

It's not enough. Like, I literally saw someone go to the bathroom since the frosting happened, and they were, like, changing on the toilet and I can see where their skin is and where the pants are.

[Jake Johnson]

I get it now, Nina, do you definitely want the shit show to end? I mean, you've talked about how you're enjoying this so far. Yeah. Long term, is this def. Are you definitely invested in solving this problem? Because I have another pitch in that direction. But I also think you really do have quite a strange little gift here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, Gareth, what's your pitch?

[Jake Johnson]

My pitch would be, why don't you set up an appointment to go view these apartments I love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And.

[Jake Johnson]

And you go in there and you do a viewing as someone who's very interested. And when you see this, you say, sorry, not to be crass, but if I can see over there, people are going to be able to see me go toilet. No, no, no, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth, you also. That's a great. Who's listing it? What real estate agent? And say, very interested in a cash offer for it. Need to know, are the bathroom windows covered or could people see it? And so she'll just go. The real estate agent will write, like, covered. And then they'll go to the building. Like, are the bathroom windows covered?

[Dan (Danny J)]

Yeah. You could also say, I don't know if this is up to code because I know that in South Africa it's illegal to build buildings where you can be seen on the toilet. This isn't true at all, Nina. But you say it with authority and they'll believe you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or you write a letter to the building as the city and you say it's a violation of code 421-A-9. That is people seeing you take it a dump.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Or you send them, you send them an award from the International Nudist association congratulating them on their bravery.

[Jake Johnson]

You could also. We could maybe get someone who listens to this show to who's like a lawyer, who's work, who's. Who's got better verbiage when it comes to this. And they could call this real estate place on behalf of you and say that what's happening here is not legal, not okay. And it is kind of forced voyeurism.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My pitch to you with all these great pitches and is contact the real estate agent and go do a view.

[Jake Johnson]

In my pitch is that. And you have your phone recording so we can listen to the conversation you have with the person showing it when you tell them that you are living in a glass shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Nina, have them there and film it from your phone and have the. Be like that person could see.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what you could do? Do, do this. Say you want to send. Say you want to send. You're just going to send the view to your partner and just as you're filming the video, just. I just want to show my partner that you can see. So what do you say? And you can just have it rolling so we can get a little bit of this sort of hidden camera footage.

[Natalie Hollis]

And could.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Do you have a friend or roommate that could be at your window and just happens to be looking out there?

[Natalie Hollis]

100%. I have two of them.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Perfect. So they're there and you're like, I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can see them right now.

[Dan (Danny J)]

And they can wave and say in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Front of the person, I'm going to sit down, like I'm going to the bathroom. Can you see me? And then have them send a photo.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Nina]

I'm so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Nina, it's literally what we do. I mean, that's from Africa.

[Jake Johnson]

The Ghostbusters get a ghost. That's what they came to do. Come on.

[Taylor]

Good Lord.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Nina, are you. Will you do that for us? And then will you send us the updated photos and all that we'll see what happens.

[Nina]

A thousand percent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great. Because there's another plan we could do where we get bigger, but I think it's going to work. Go ahead, Garf.

[Jake Johnson]

I gotta. I gotta. I gotta follow up. If we ever need to lay it more, we call the real estate company and I'll play a real pervert who lives across the street who's begging for that branch to be cut down. So I can see a second toilet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How would that call go? A three, two, one, action.

[Taylor]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

I am renting across the street from this new five story building, which looks beautiful, by the way. I can see right into one of the toilets where the shitter is. I'm trying to be able to see the one above it, but there's a nasty branch in front of it. I was going to see, if possible, to have that taken down. So I can have two. I can have a double decker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear how the message would go if you made that call. In three, two, one, action.

[Jake Johnson]

Hey.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Hello, mate. Just visiting from Australia. Wanted to let you know there's a bit of a problem. I love my first floor view of everyone having a good time on the loo, but unfortunately up on the second floor, I can't quite get a shot of you know what. So I'm in my own expense willing to take down that branch. Just need your approval and a bit of a sign off on a full show for this guy. Johnny. South Africa.

[Jake Johnson]

Did you go to International School Day?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we went together.

[Taylor]

We went together.

[Jake Johnson]

The Johnson Brothers at international.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We ran that school. Will you please follow up with us?

[Jake Johnson]

Follow up with us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And thank you for this. And for a lady who said she started nervous, you brought the high heat and you crushed it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Natalie Hollis]

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you for calling. You killed it.

[Nina]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also, side note, Nina.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You still on?

[Natalie Hollis]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're 25 years old, quit smoking.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the are you doing?

[Natalie Hollis]

I know you're 25.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it.

[Natalie Hollis]

I know, I know, I know. I'm gonna try and sign up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Nina, sign up. Start telling more people in South Africa about the show. Let's get more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

Good.

[Natalie Hollis]

Guys, I am like a walking advertisement. I told everyone at my Frisbee, do.

[Jake Johnson]

You have any merch?

[Natalie Hollis]

No, I don't. Because I don't know if we can get it again.

[Dan (Danny J)]

Yeah, now with the trips, we can't ship it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll send you a Steve Berg calendar soon.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, just right. We're here to help. On a T shirt. Walk around. Thanks, Nina. Thank you so much all. Hi. Hello.

[Taylor]

Hello.

[Jake Johnson]

Hi. Welcome to the show. What is your name, please?

[Ben]

My name's Ben.

[Jake Johnson]

And Ben, where are you calling from, please?

[Ben]

I'm calling from Louisville, Kentucky.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, beautiful. I was just there. And can we get your age, Ben?

[Ben]

Term? 37.

[Jake Johnson]

Beautiful. All right, Ben, I think that's good enough. What, what's going on today? What can we help you with?

[Ben]

Sure. Well, I've had the same group of friends for about 30 years and there's 15 of us.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow.

[Ben]

And 10 years ago, when the show, the league was big, we all put together a fantasy football league. I'm the commissioner, and when I was naming it, I named it after one of our friends, moms. And you can both maybe identify with this, you know, for your. For your sweet Pam. But we named the league. Just. We'll make up a name for her. We'll call her Fancy Doris. So the league name is the Fancy Doris Eskimo Bros Fantasy League.

[Jake Johnson]

And.

[Ben]

And a lot of the team names are at her expense and it can be kind of graphic. And you know, the thing is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The.

[Ben]

Thing is, you know, Fancy is she's just like the nicest lady. She had the hangout house. She came to all of our weddings. She knows all of our kids.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So why not Honor.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So, you know, now she's a grandma and her son is in the league. And so there's. Now there's a huge trophy that has these horrible team names about this really nice lady that we all know and love. And you know, when you win, when you win the league, the trophy is substantial. It's like a three tier trophy and it has your name, like the league winner's name and then your team name on it. So everybody's putting these out in their living room or in their man cave. And you know, our kids can. Are old enough now that they can read and, you know, so they'll walk in and they might read, you know, some pretty terrible things. And then you have to go back and ask dad or mom, like, what does this mean? And why is it about this lady?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got to give us some examples of these names, Ben.

[Ben]

Okay, so one would be Flaming Fancy's ass.

[Jake Johnson]

Wow. Do you need more?

[Ben]

Yeah, like Fancy's sweet cheeks.

[Jake Johnson]

Ben, give them yours. What are you holding back for?

[Ben]

Okay, this is a good lead to my. My question. Mine is Fancy's first round facial.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is not how I talk about Pam.

[Jake Johnson]

No, thank you, Jake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, stuff I do with Pam, but we don't talk about it, or should I say she does it to me?

[Jake Johnson]

No, no.

[Ben]

Oh, don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Glaze. Yeah, you should see how curly my hair gets.

[Ben]

You know, like, imagine. Imagine you have, you know, I have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I've imagined three daughters.

[Ben]

Go ahead and then.

[Jake Johnson]

And yeah.

[Ben]

They come in and stop. Three daughters. So you imagine, imagine, you know, I win the league and they're not good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't do that.

[Ben]

Fancy's first round facial right above daddy's name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's not good. It's not good.

[Ben]

So my, but my question, My question is, as the, you know, commissioner, the ringleader kind of this and someone with the most graphic of team names, how can I get the league to agree to change the name without sounding like I've gone soft? Because everybody is kind of in on this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Well, do other people in the league, are they kind of in a similar position where their parents are they like, is there is. So they. Maybe everybody kind of. There's maybe a majority sentiment of this sort of feeling like juvenile, for lack of a better term.

[Taylor]

Yes.

[Ben]

But no one, no one has said it out loud and not many of the team names have changed over the years.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, I got a pitch. I'm gonna pitch that. When was the last time you won?

[Ben]

It's been a while.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay.

[Ben]

It's probably like six years.

[Jake Johnson]

Who, who won last?

[Ben]

It's our. Our friend that lives in Florida now.

[Jake Johnson]

Does he have a family?

[Ben]

Yes, he does.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what I'm going to suggest. I'm going to suggest that you talk to the friend in Florida and you either, you either, you can either manufacture this. This in house where you say your daughter saw an email or something like that, but you fake a family freakout. If that doesn't work, then you have the guy in Florida to say his family is asking questions about the trophy. It sort of defeats the purpose if you can't display the. The. The spoils of winning. And that's going to lead you to pitch a change. And the change will be that we can still do this, but maybe we need to, A, come up with coded language and B, maybe instead of making it about Doris, we now make it about whoever came in last the year before. That's what we're sort of theming it around. So it's sort of a penance for coming in last. And maybe you soften the language, but at minimum, we move it away from Doris and we make it more about the people in the league themselves. Yeah.

[Ben]

The first part is we do have a last place trophy, which Is like a. About a three foot penis trophy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a picture.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two trophies. You keep the trophy as is. That's the real trophy for the real league. But that shit doesn't have to be displayed. You've gotten to an age where that shit can't be on the mantle anymore. You're not 24 years old, but that. But that can be in the back closet. That's still what. That's the real trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the Lombardi trophy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then you've got the family trophy, and that's the trophy you put in the front of the house. That's the kind of thing that your team wins the championship, you got the real one in a safe somewhere. And then you almost have like a replica up front. And so you just get a big trophy that says, like fantasy football champion and it's really generic. And the winner gets two trophies. Back of the house, front of the house. And the reason is kids are asking questions. And guess what? A kid should not walk in their living room and see something about a grandmother getting a facial. But that doesn't mean it can't belong in your back closet in like your sock drawer that you get to look at and go, like, you goddamn right, I won. I've been winning this for a lot of years and I deserve this trophy. But life has changed.

[Jake Johnson]

I like that. I think that's a pretty good solve. You have the fake trophy you keep in front of everyone so that you still feel like a winner, so that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You get to brag to your family.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, it's legit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The players of the league.

[Jake Johnson]

Stanley cup is in the closet you're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Drinking beer out of.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You still. That's the one you want.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's a pretty good pitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think?

[Ben]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna marry the two together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Talk to us like.

[Ben]

Like, I'm gonna take Gareth's introduction about, like, hey, we had like a family freak out about, like the main trophy. And then we can kind of maneuver into adding the second trophy, the family trophy. Just kind of the reason.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The reason for it is because of the freak out. So we're gonna have the family trophy. But the way you're not going soft is we're not retiring the real trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

No, it exists. It's what it's all about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if you guys all do a draft together, you don't bring the fake trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

No. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody cares about the fake trophy. Fake trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that's pretty good. I mean, I feel like that Gives you good coverage. And again, if someone's. If there's someone single in your league, they don't give a shit. They keep the decoy trophy in the back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the funny thing is, you should get the fake trophy. Should be ridiculous. It should be like a man with his kids. Like, you know, like, the family trophy should be like, you know, it should be like a dad of the year type trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, you know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, this is a fake ass trophy.

[Jake Johnson]

Who cares about it? Could be. Since it is the Fancy Doris Fantasy League, the fake trophy could be the fdfl. And if anyone asks, it's fantastic dad Fantasy League. Love it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pretty good.

[Jake Johnson]

A faux acronym.

[Ben]

Yeah, I love it. It's a really good, really good compromise between the two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, then, Ben, we're happy if you're happy. Send us a photo of the fake trophy and let's see what happens. Okay. Do you.

[Ben]

Do you want a picture of Fancy holding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Ben]

The fake trophy. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I would.

[Ben]

Be the real one, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, now that you're offering it. Yes, we do, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, we didn't know it was possible, but yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In fact, we would like that a lot. And then we will do the black.

[Jake Johnson]

The sooner we can get it, the better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we will.

[Jake Johnson]

You'll still be able to tell who she is, but she's not going to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be checking our Instagram.

[Jake Johnson]

Nope.

[Ben]

Well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guarantee it. Have a good day. One customer.

[Jake Johnson]

I love calling them customers. Thanks for coming. All right, Ben, keep us posted, bud.

[Taylor]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Taylor]

Thanks, bud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini.

[Jake Johnson]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Visit Gemini Google Slash Students to learn more and sign up. Terms apply this episode We're Here to Help is brought to you by Acorns Early.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen, I remember when I was a boy, a little boy, the amount of times I was saving up to try to buy things. I remember I tried to buy a He Man Grayskull castle. I remember trying to buy a Bionic man video game from KB Toy Stores. I was born in the 1930s. But you know, you. You really start to learn about the value of money. But is it enough? Well, I don't know. Maybe not. So why not try Acorns Early? It's a great way to turn your kids into savers. It gives your kids understanding about healthy money habits that will stick with them for life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Acorns early is the smart debit card and money app that grows kids money skills as they grow up. I find this to be very important. It's something that I use. I think it's important for kids how to understand money to have a place where their money goes up and down or a place where they can check so that they don't just spend or allowances just become irrelevant. So acorns are really something that I use in my house and I'm a fan of.

[Jake Johnson]

Ready to teach your kids the smart way to earn, save and spend? Get your first month on us when you head to acornserly.com here to help or download the Acorns early app that's one month free when you sign up at acornserly.com hereto help. You know, life's full of those little moments when you're sending money and it can make a big difference. So why not do that with Zelle?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth and I send money to each other via Zelle when we are in the hole to the other guy. The easiest way to do it is Zelle. We both use it. We both know that it works. You go right onto the app, you press the little button, your little buddy's name pops right up. Pay and or request Request Money. Send me some money via Zell. Why? Because yo to me, little rat. Time to send me the money you owe me. My brother, the great Danny J and I do something for each other that to us it's sincere and it's sweet. We always send each other money as gifts and we do it randomly and we use Zell. We'll Just everyone. Once in a while, he'll get $7.50 from me with a big subject that says, you deserve it. And even though he sends me money back, I know in his heart of hearts for a moment, when he saw that $7.50 on a Tuesday morning at 7 before work, he thought, my brother loves me. And sure. When he sends me less back, do I think my brother loves me less? Sure. Maybe a little secure, easy.

[Jake Johnson]

Whether it's a big moment or a small moment, Zell is here for you, so you can be there for them when it counts. Send money with Zell.

[Taylor]

What's going on, gentlemen?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy Taylor, this. So we don't have Brian. We are going to have Brian. No, he had a technical emergency. He's fine.

[Jake Johnson]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I'm going to tell the audience what's going to happen is we're going to have him on individually after. Okay. So this is. Okay, your point of view on what happened. Do not hold back. This is the Taylor section. We have gotten Taylor so many goddamn emails. The audience interest in this match through the roof.

[Taylor]

Been incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Before you tell us what happened, tell us about the event. I don't want the results yet. Yeah, tell us about the event.

[Taylor]

The event went. Yeah, it went very, very well. So Brian has a buddy who has been making YouTube videos or whatever for a long time, movies, stuff like that. So he brought three cameras. We had an announcer set up. We had a booth with two announcers.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Taylor]

We had intros. There's a full video. Oh, yeah, intros, Little talking prior to the game.

[Jake Johnson]

Now, in this video that we're about to see, does it reveal who won or anything like that?

[Taylor]

You'll be able to figure it out.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so I don't want to see the video.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, let's get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The video is going to be at the end.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

So, yeah, they edited together. We've got like our scores on the screen. It's pretty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys killed it, so there had.

[Jake Johnson]

To be a lot of. Were you feeling like. Were you feeling nerves going into this because this becomes such a bigger deal?

[Taylor]

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I was stressing a little bit. I got to the court like an hour early. I was. I was warming up with my buddy. I wanted to make sure I was loose and ready to go because my family showed up a little bit later than Brian's family. So when we initially got there, it was a bit of a hostile environment and I wanted to make sure I was ready to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how many nerves, how many people showed up.

[Taylor]

I'd say Brian probably had like 8 or 10 of his family, and I had probably 8 or 10 of my family. And then we even had a, a, we're here to help her show up with a sign and his family in the area.

[Jake Johnson]

What did the sign. Yeah, what did the side say?

[Taylor]

The sign said Team Taylor. It said pickle and chip Classic. There was a pickle on there. There was a bag of chips on there. It was great, dude. It was great.

[Jake Johnson]

I got, I got videos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you had about 30ish people watching.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And your feeling going into the match? 10 is the most. Nervous zeros, none. Where you at?

[Taylor]

I was at probably like a six or seven. Like, I, I was confident in my abilities, but I warmed up with Brian a little bit. I, I realized he, he knows how to hit the ball at least, and he does had a few good shots.

[Ben]

Nuts.

[Taylor]

And so I was trying to kind of, you know, hold back my cards during the warm up so that I didn't give too much away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And T, how was his backhand?

[Taylor]

His backhand wasn't bad. I, I, it might have been one of my targets after a little while, but it wasn't, you know, it wasn't terrible. It's not like he couldn't do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how's his serve? Does he have any heat on it? Because I know you can do some spins on those serves and you can do some heat or you could just try to get it in and then that gives the returner advantage of controlling the court.

[Taylor]

Yeah, I think he was mostly focused on just getting it in. And a lot of his serves were kind of short, so I had to run up. But then I was kind of in a good position right up there on the kitchen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Control the kitchen.

[Jake Johnson]

The rules are strange to pickleball too. Did he, he ha. He clearly had been preparing. So he knew the rules. He wasn't going to get technically screwed or something?

[Taylor]

No, there was, there was one point where he didn't let my return bounce, but outside of that, there were no rule violations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I have a feeling. What's your guess, Gareth? Because I guess Taylor. Did you kill him?

[Taylor]

Well, do you want me to answer that?

[Jake Johnson]

Let's watch the video.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's watch the video.

[Jake Johnson]

But that's my gut too. My gut is that, that my gut is that he didn't have any technical difficulties other than he couldn't, he couldn't be here today because he didn't want, he was already full and didn't want to eat humble pie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, interesting. You think he ran?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's watch.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, the fan showing up is the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So my favorite chef's kiss.

[Taylor]

That was the highlight, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And this will be on our website and Instagram and obviously Patreon, ESPN.

[Taylor]

Sports.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, Sports Center.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The announcement.

[Jake Johnson]

This is already the best. Hello and welcome to the Pickle versus Chip pickle ball grudge match. Brother in law versus brother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got Brian versus Taylor.

[Jake Johnson]

What do you think, Kip?

[Jesse Thurston]

I think it's going to be an ugly showing.

[Jake Johnson]

We've got self proclaimed coach versus big mouth, I guess is what I would say it is.

[Taylor]

Yeah, we got a cocky son of a. Brian here. The Portuguese. The cocky son of a who's gonna whip Taylor's ass all over this court today. And he has no idea what he got himself into. He's gonna get a taste of what it's like to with the Congo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My name's Taylor.

[Taylor]

I have a brother in law challenged me to a pickleball concert. I work as a pickleball coach. He thinks he could somehow beat me. We're here to prove that wildly and correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think he needs to do to potentially win? Score more points. Pretty great.

[Jake Johnson]

But this first minute is flying by. We'll see. We're going to see how this really turns out. All right, we're on match 1 00.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, you got the net.

[Jake Johnson]

First point for Brian. Taylor's got our first point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This whole thing, it's one to nothing. Brian Ryan.

[Jake Johnson]

We could cut it after a nice return. Taylor's moving to the defense better than I expected though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Oh y. Oh no. This is gonna be a blowout. Taylor just aced him on a really easy serve.

[Jake Johnson]

Brian just whiffs 3. 1, 2.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah. Taylor's gonna kill.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, so those are the mistakes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's two whiffs though. Yeah, but by the way, the reason Brian didn't show up today is because he whiffed.

[Taylor]

You gotta hit the ball, jackass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is worse than I thought. Taylor. Oh, he's terrible. And now he's getting tired. Oh, Taylor.

[Jake Johnson]

Great shot, Taylor. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, right now, Taylor, how are you feeling at this point? It is five to one. You just had that cool backhand. Your brother in law's missing easy serves. It's not even looking like a match. How you feeling at that point?

[Taylor]

I started to settle in a bit. I started. I started to feel okay. I knew I could, I could play around a little bit more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Were you shocked how bad he was?

[Taylor]

No, I was, I was surprised that he was pretty decent. I mean we had some decent rallies there. He did have to start off. He had a few whiffs on the serve, but then he figured it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay, okay. Then we'll keep watching because I'm with whiffing on service shock Kaden. And also the announcers are drinking alcohol.

[Jake Johnson]

Six 1. Wait for him to make the mistakes. Taylor makes mistakes or 82. Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Brian's getting tired.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, a lot of sweater on that collar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was good ball.

[Taylor]

I did not think that was going over.

[Jake Johnson]

That's good ball. That's good ball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't comp warming up. Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Conditioning will be question here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all thinking the same 9 to 10, too.

[Jake Johnson]

Tip down the forehand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a nice hit, Taylor.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a lot of unforced errors.

[Taylor]

Taylor get a little cocky over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Didn't. Didn't quite work out. That's a bad mo. 10 to 2 now.

[Taylor]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Taylor, you're getting tired here. Coach all day.

[Taylor]

Yeah, that was the worst time and.

[Jake Johnson]

It came from the professional. We got game point again.

[Taylor]

Ten, two, get one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just a rally.

[Jake Johnson]

All right, we got a good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a nice rally.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, got ball game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's pause the match. I. I don't think we need to watch four more minutes of this because we're not doing full commentary and I'm imagining somebody driving in the car and just hearing. So here's what I'm going to say really fast. The first match finished at 11 to 2. Taylor beat Brian. And in watching the rallies, as somebody who just did a pickle ball movie, trained with real pros. Taylor's way better than Brian.

[Jake Johnson]

Way better. Way better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. It's. If he happens to come back and win, it's the biggest choke in history. And if that happened, I don't think Taylor's calling. Taylor, what are the final results?

[Taylor]

We doubled up. I got him 11 to 11, 2. He never stood a chance. The second half of the video is where I have some pretty cool highlights. I turned it on a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Taylor]

But after the first 1, 11, 2. I sort of realized what was going on. And then second game, like you said, I think he started to get gas. He had to call a timeout in the second game.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Jake Johnson]

And then pickleball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Jake Johnson]

He called himself the Congo. He took a time out.

[Taylor]

He had to take a time out. And yeah, I, I. Congo, by the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way, doesn't take time out.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Congo does not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congo doesn't need cardio time.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Congo is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congo doesn't get tired.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, is a shark. It never stops, stops moving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congo does not go like this. Hold on.

[Jake Johnson]

Taylor had to take a timeout during a second game of pickleball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so Kong gone. You murdered him in the match. How was the vibe of his family?

[Taylor]

I. There was. I. I think some of them are a little upset with me because of the first call. Because, like, I, I had initially called him an ass, I think when I first called and Brian didn't care. We're just talking. I think a couple of them were a little not so pleased with me. So there was definitely, there was definitely a divide in the crowd. There was my side. It was pretty, like, head to head. I mean, amongst me, Brian, my sister, like, we're all good. We were having fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And, you know, that's what happens. We do jokes and then people get mad at one of us for being mean to one of us. But it's never personal within the group.

[Jake Johnson]

Right?

[Taylor]

Right. So there was a little bit of animosity on the sidelines, but incredible. I mean, it was, it was pretty awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

How was he?

[Taylor]

My. He was, he was having fun. I think he had had maybe had a couple more beers than I had at that point.

[Jake Johnson]

And then you guys were drinking throughout it?

[Taylor]

Oh, yeah. We had a couple before and then a couple. I didn't have any, like, during the actual matches. A little bit of like, with courage.

[Jake Johnson]

Sure.

[Taylor]

And so it was awesome though, man. My aunts made T shirts. People brought fat heads of my parents because they couldn't make it. So it was great, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So fun, man. Just so fun. And so afterwards, what happens? How do. How does the ending go? So what's the feeling?

[Taylor]

So, yeah, we, we ended it. I mean, we're all pretty gassed. Right. So we hung out at the courts for a little bit longer, had a few more beers, and then me and my roommate, it was like a three hour drive home. So we got out of there, we drove home, and then Brian and I were texted and he, you know, said, hey, good game, you know, well done. I. I concede. I've got a video. I've got a video of Brian bowing down to me in front of the fan that showed up. I'll send that to Natalie.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. Aw, that fan is awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This sounds really fun. And now.

[Taylor]

It was great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels like a happy ending. Everybody's happy. We would love to talk to Brian, but I understand technical issues do occur after that match. But my question is, you know, Gareth and I had a bet years ago that he was going to get a Brett Favre tattoo in a Minnesota Vikings jersey if Brett Favre won a Super bowl as a Viking. And it came close, very close. And we. And we talked to this day, me, him, and Berg of if he would have actually gotten the tattoo and if I would have held him to it. We did a bet with Berg in 2012 that he lost, and by losing that, he had to do as hot as he could a photo shoot without trying to be funny. In 2025, we finally executed it. We got a calendar we're making. We just did the selects. Steve Berg did a Hawkeye photo shoot. So my question to you is, are you gonna make him do the thong dinner thing?

[Taylor]

He's have to, because it was his idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's.

[Taylor]

I mean, that's where I'm at. It was. It was his suggestion. I said, okay, because I knew I wasn't gonna lose. So he backed himself into this corner.

[Jake Johnson]

He has to do it. Here's what I. Here's a good way to answer that for yourself. And I know the answer, and I know you do. Would he make you do it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Taylor]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

There you go. Absolutely.

[Taylor]

I mean, it would have been. He would have been over the moon. Not when just, you know, I beat you. You got to do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, here's my question to you. Is he gonna do it?

[Taylor]

He's gonna. I'm gonna make him. Otherwise, he'll never see the family again. I'll go buy an elephant Speedo. Next time we're together, I'll give it to him.

[Ben]

And if he.

[Taylor]

I mean, I'll just keep trying. He's gonna do it. I don't think I'm gonna have to fight him too much. I mean, you heard him on the original.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got a great vibe.

[Taylor]

He's confident enough that he'll do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, let me ask you a question, Gareth.

[Taylor]

It will happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you have gotten the Brett Favre tattoo?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How big?

[Jake Johnson]

I mean, you sent me dimensions that big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you would have actually done it?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. It would have aged horribly as Brett has, but it. I would have gotten it because of two reasons. One, I'm a man of my word. Yeah. And two, it would be the funniest thing to talk about to this day. To this day. It's such a funny story. Now, the question is, would you have made me get it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I don't think I would have gotten it without the push.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would have done a push. I would have done it my way. I would. Go, go. You know, we Made the bet.

[Jake Johnson]

I think that would make me do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I would go. But at the end of the day, considering there was no stakes involved because I didn't lose anything, I'm not gonna like, hold your ass to the fire.

[Jake Johnson]

Genius of my bet, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I would definitely, in front of Gareth and other, I mean, in front of Steve and others, I would be harsher. And then I would text you individually. I don't care, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Glad you didn't get it, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you don't have to.

[Jake Johnson]

I'd be like, you just murdered me for an hour. I would have gotten it based on that setup. I would have gotten it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Then we would have it. And so Taylor, you're gonna push him pretty hard, but from what you're saying, he's gonna do it. You proved yourself a way better pickleball player than him. You are a professional. Anybody in the area, give a shout out where they can find you if they want to coach.

[Taylor]

Okay. Sedona, Arizona, Anywhere up in Sedona, you just. You give us a ring. I work at, I work at a resort up here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what's the name of the resort?

[Jake Johnson]

Be a little more specific.

[Taylor]

Enchantment of me where I work. Call and ask for the pickleball guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If they call and ask for the pickleball guy, they can get things. Do they need a membership to the club or can they do a thing specifically with you?

[Taylor]

If they want to do it here, they would need to stay at the resort. But I, I mean, I got quartz right down the street from my house. Doesn't have to be here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got an email or anything? We could set them if they want to just contact you.

[Taylor]

Do just tennis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enchantment.com tennis and enchantment.com. yeah. Find Taylor. Reach out to him. If you're in the area and you want the best coach. If you would prefer Brian to be your coach, you're a wild animal. But I bet Taylor could set that up.

[Jake Johnson]

Brian's game's all attitude. You're not going to want the Congo to coach you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I think we're just gonna need a follow up about the dinner.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, as well as I wouldn't mind hearing a little bit of Brian's headspace now that he lost. I mean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but we know what it's gonna be.

[Jake Johnson]

I wouldn't mind five minutes with Brian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. I agree.

[Jake Johnson]

But then I'm excited for the day.

[Taylor]

Get him on and to make sure.

[Jake Johnson]

That he does it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I don't think that's our push. That's now Taylor and the family's push.

[Jake Johnson]

That's our game. That's our push.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But hey, man, congratulations. You did what you said you were going to do. You lived past the pressure. This got hyped up. I could tell the tightness occurred, but you showed why you're a professional and a coach.

[Jake Johnson]

And y. Before we go.

[Taylor]

It went well. Ring the bell.

[Jake Johnson]

Allow me ask one question of you. Let's say eight to 12 months from now, Brian wants a rematch. Another bet. Are you going to do it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course he's going to do it. He killed him.

[Taylor]

I mean, yeah, no problem whatsoever.

[Jesse Thurston]

I'm there.

[Jake Johnson]

I like the idea of setting that up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is there another sport you would compete against Brian and give him a double or nothing?

[Taylor]

Oh, gosh. Well, he was a baseball player, so I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, not baseball.

[Taylor]

I don't want to do that. But he came to my sport so I could go to his sport. But he would beat me in baseball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then we're not doing it outside of that.

[Taylor]

Maybe, maybe we'll do ping pong because he said he's played ping pong before.

[Jake Johnson]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was his follow up.

[Taylor]

That was his background for his pickle ball skills.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ping pong could be a followup.

[Jake Johnson]

I like it. Well, that's exciting. It's exciting in every way.

[Taylor]

It was. It was awesome. It was great, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Congratulations, brother.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, way to go, man.

[Taylor]

Thank you very much.

[Jake Johnson]

Congrats.

[Taylor]

Thank you both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You defeated the condo and all this will honestly be. It'll be on the website, it'll be on the ig, the Patreon, everything. You'll be able to find it if you want to find it.

[Taylor]

I love it. I'm over the moon with it, guys. I mean, everything went according to plan.

[Jake Johnson]

To the fan who showed up. You're the real hero, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To the fan who showed up. Email the show. We're gonna have you up.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And we're gonna call that episode we're hero to help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but let's have that person come on. I would love to hear their point of view.

[Jake Johnson]

Agree.

[Jesse Thurston]

Okay, let's get them on with Brian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's have them on with Brian.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Taylor. Thanks, buddy.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, bud. Congrats.

[Taylor]

Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, we're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question@ Helpful Pod Gmail.com. and if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help. You can go to our [e-mail] hereto help pod to see our entire catalog.

[Jake Johnson]

We're Here to Help is produced by.

[Jesse Thurston]

Rabbit Grim Productions executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis associate producer.

[Jake Johnson]

Jesse Thurston Editing, mix and master by Chris Faller Theme song by Oliver Raleigh the COVID artwork is by James Fosdike animations by Andrew Strelecki and if you'd like to see Gareth do Stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com Remember, all of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th.

[Jake Johnson]

Go to patreon.com hereto help pop I'm Tig Notaro. I'm Mae Martin.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I'm Fortune Feimster. And together we're Handsome. What is Handsome? Well, it's a state of mind. It's how you feel. It's whatever you want it to be. Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us three stand up comedians you may have seen on your tv. We swap stories, share life updates, and occasionally laugh until we cry.

[Jake Johnson]

Every episode, we answer a question from a celebrity friend. People like Sarah Silverman.

[Ben]

It's Stephen Colbert.

[Jake Johnson]

It's Reese Witherspoon.

[Nina]

My name is Mindy Kaling. Hello, Handsome Podcast.

[Jake Johnson]

It's Jen Aniston here, you gorgeous devil, you.

[Fortune Feimster]

So if you're looking for a positive, joyful show guaranteed to make you giggle, check out Handsome. Jump right in with whatever episode tickles your fancy or start from the very first episode.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen to Handsome on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday. And don't forget, keep it Handsome.