We're Here to Help

Episode 214: Too Wholesome for Doggy & Ethiopian Jazz
Hosts: Jake Johnson & Gareth Reynolds
Date: October 6, 2025

Episode Overview

In this lighthearted and chaotic episode, Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds navigate their way through hotel mishaps, audience connections, and multiple advice segments ranging from tattoo regrets to timeshare woes to bizarre doll adoption. In true "We're Here to Help" fashion, they deliver earnest, irreverent advice, blending personal anecdotes with wild bits, keeps listeners laughing, and sometimes genuinely helping.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Travel Woes, Fans, and Hotel Hijinks

• Jake's Fort Wayne Story: Jake shares how a listener and hotel worker helped him secure a late checkout, underlining the supportive community behind the podcast.
  • "The community is strong." (Jake, [01:59])
• Gareth's NYC Adventure: Gareth recounts a frantic adventure in New York after losing his phone post-filming, and the spiral of bizarre problem-solving that ensued:
  • Begging hotel staff to use their computer
  • Failing two-factor authentication
  • Random car rides in Brooklyn hunting for a film studio
  • Desperate attempts to buy a bottle of booze as a thank you
  • Learning to ride a deli guy’s delivery scooter at 11 p.m.—and being recognized from "Let's Be Cops"
• The ordeal concludes with Gareth returning to the hotel after riding a scooter and laughing about the wild series of events.
  • Notable Quote: "When you’re in hell, burn up." (Gareth, [09:21])
  • Notable Quote: "That is as wild of a night as I've had in ages." (Gareth, [17:30])

2. Advice Segment 1: The Disney Tattoo Dilemma

Caller: Jordan (Florida)

Context:
Jordan’s newly divorced friend wants to cover a tramp stamp with a large Disney-themed back tattoo celebrating her kids. Jordan’s husband objects, saying it’ll hurt her dating life, but Jordan feels awkward advising her.

Discussion Points:

• The hosts point out the sensitive nature of the tattoo placement and content:
  • Covering a lower back tattoo with a Disney scene, especially featuring kids, could be awkward for future romantic partners.
  • Jake: "It's like imagine if during sex someone was like, hold a picture of my family. It's insane." ([29:29])
• Advice: Friends have a duty to voice concern if a loved one is about to make a big, potentially regretful decision.
  • "If you love somebody, you got to tell them if you think something's crazy. That's the job." (Gareth, [29:35])
• Help Jordan compose a gentle text using her husband as the ‘bad cop’ to express concern while supporting her friend’s autonomy.
  • Drafting and editing the message live together, with an emphasis on being succinct, caring, and leading with, "my husband wanted me to mention…"
• Jordan sends the text live during the show, expressing relief afterward.
  • Notable Quote:
    "This could save this woman's back." (Gareth, [36:19]) "I think you're a good friend here. I really do." (Jake, [39:26])

Timestamps

• Start of caller segment: [24:11]
• Main advice & text drafting: [32:04–37:30]

3. Advice Segment 2: Timeshare Presentation Escape Plan

Caller: Ashley (San Diego)

Context:
Ashley’s family relies on her sitting through a timeshare presentation to unlock a big vacation discount. She’s anxious about navigating aggressive salespeople alone, fearing she’ll cave.

Discussion Points:

• Hosts brainstorm how Ashley can get the discount while escaping the presentation unscathed.
  • Emphasize she just needs to show up and sign a form; the aggressive pitch is optional.
  • Propose going in as an exaggerated, “unsellable” character to actively repel the pitch.
    • “Shockingly light-hearted and not erotic… or very erotic.” (Gareth, [50:38])
  • Jake pitches a radical idea: have Ashley wear an earpiece, with Jake and Gareth feeding her absurd responses and questions as she interacts with the sales rep, inspired by Johnny Depp’s earpiece listening to Ethiopian jazz while filming.
    • "What if we send her in there, her hair's down over her ears... and we talk... and we set it up and you let us tell you what questions, maybe the best catch you’ve ever had in the history of our show." (Jake, [54:11])
  • They devise a plan to coordinate Ashley's timeshare meeting with a live podcast recording for maximum mischief and minimal risk.
• Ashley is enthusiastic and commits to the prank, promising to keep them updated.

Timestamps

• Start of advice segment: [43:29]
• Earpiece scheme pitched: [53:54–56:11]

4. Follow-Up: Virginia the Crocheted Doll’s Fate

Caller: Alex

Context:
Alex previously called for advice on what to do with their large, hand-made doll "Virginia." Attempts to launch her into the world through dating app profiles failed (blocked), but Instagram offers came flooding in after a podcast mention.

Discussion Points:

• The most interesting offers include:

  • Using Virginia as a feminist mascot
  • Comedy group “My Totally Real Girlfriend” wanting her as a sketch mascot
  • A formal acquisition offer from the Gadsden Museum of Art in Alabama

• The hosts call the museum live to confirm intent; Alex expresses excitement but needs to arrange shipping for the sculpture.

  • Notable Moment:
    Alex insists Virginia be displayed "in her natural glory, nude," and everyone agrees to honor the artist's wishes. ([69:01])
  • *"Alex, you called into a podcast about what to do with this doll. How do you feel about this as a sol." (Gareth, [70:51])
  • Alex: "I think you can ring the bell. I am very, very happy." ([70:56])

• The museum agrees to host Virginia in rotation and promises to promote shows; the hosts are elated to give Alex closure.

Timestamps

• Intro to follow up: [58:09]
• Alex reads intentions: [62:08–63:54]
• Live museum call: [68:10–70:37]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jake: "The community is strong." [01:59]
• Gareth: "When you’re in hell, burn up." [09:21]
• Jake: "It's like imagine if during sex someone was like, hold a picture of my family. It's insane." [29:29]
• Gareth: "If you love somebody, you got to tell them if you think something's crazy. That's the job." [29:35]
• Jake: "What if we send her in there, her hair's down over her ears... and we talk... and we set it up and you let us tell you what questions..." [54:11]
• Gareth: "Alex, you called into a podcast about what to do with this doll. How do you feel about this as a sol." [70:51]
• Alex: "I think you can ring the bell. I am very, very happy." [70:56]

Structure & Flow

• Intro: Warm, personal anecdotes and banter, hotel stories
• First Advice Segment: Live advice and text-crafting around a controversial tattoo
• Second Advice Segment: Comic plotting for a timeshare sales defense
• Follow-Up: Closure on a peculiar doll adoption saga
• Wrap-up/Production credits

Episode Tone

Casual, hilarious, irreverently empathetic. The hosts prioritize honesty and vulnerability, never failing to riff or make themselves the butt of the joke.

For New Listeners

This episode encapsulates the show's best qualities: weird real-life problems, supportive (if unconventional) advice, and humor in every corner. Even the most trivial dilemmas are met with sincerity and levity, making the advice genuinely helpful and the stories unforgettable.